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I hope you're as interested in know wtf he means by a breeding kink. Bc he hates women but has a breeding kink? It makes no sense to me and he has been routinely ignoring my questions.
I -
Out of all of the madness here, from the monumental amount of irrationality around you...it is The Muppet Joker's breeding kink that you take issue with?
This is your breaking point? Allow me to be the one to tell you, if this is your line, you are not prepared for the true depths of the world you've found yourself in.
I assume he's ignoring your questions because the answers are obvious. A breeding kink is in no way obligatorily associated with womanhood or femininity in any way. It can be, but it doesn't need to be to work. Divorce yourself from the idea that pregnancy and the associated processes are intrinsic to any given gender or sexual expression.
Outside of that...is. Is the fact that the breeding kink is specific to a Muppet (Kermit) just...irrelevant to you? Would this make more sense to you if Kermit was some sort of...cisgender female puppet? Then the breeding kink would be perfectly sensible?
This has broken me.
He wants to breed the puppet, anon. He wants to cum in the puppet and make half Joker half Muppet spawn. He doesn't want to breed a woman.
He wants to breed Kermit the Frog.
It's not that complicated. Get out of my sight.
#supplemental#asks#this is what broke me#what next anon#shall i explain what an omega is?#do you need me to hold your hand and explain egg kinks?#Familiarize yourself with Sin before you talk to me again
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Fluent Freshman - Part 29
PREVIOUS
“Neil, why do you have Smith’s phone?” Andrew asks as the two of them are setting out plates for lunch. Neil startled and looked down at the phone that he had just sat at the table and furrowed his brow.
“What do you mean? This is mine?” Neil asks. He knows his phone even if he’s not really the best with them.
The one that Andrew had given him his Freshman year had died after it got run over by the Maserati when Neil left it on the roof of the car by accident. The second one Andrew had gotten him had been destroyed in rather spectacular fashion earlier in the year when he’d had a bit of a freak out on January 19th. The team knew better than to text him on that particular day now but Andrew had said that he’d take custody of his phone this year. Wymack had stepped in with a phone that same day before Andrew could buy him a new one and that phone had been launched at the Baseball captain that summer.
All this to say, Neil is now looking at the phone in concern because it is highly likely he swapped his with FF’s.
“No it’s not.” Andrew sighs and points to a corner, “You cracked yours up here.” He opens the phone and then the contacts and sure enough Neil doesn’t see his own contacts but the ones that Nicky had programmed into FF’s the day before.
“Oh, I guess I switched them at the hospital.” He says with an embarrassed blush. Maybe he should get a little accessory to differentiate his phone from the other ones that Wymack has gotten.
There’s a slight commotion in the kitchen, “Kevin, stop trying to add vanilla protein powder to Smithy’s soup!” Nicky shouts.
“He needs protein to heal properly! That nutritionist might just feed him a loaf of bread since he is using an outdated model!” Kevin argues back.
“Kevin the doctor said clear soup also do you want to make Smiths sick? Vanilla protein powder and chicken broth?” Aaron asks disgust evident.
“I’d use unflavored but this is all that’s in the house and I am not going shopping until this weekend is over.” Kevin argues back.
“Smiths went out shopping on Black Friday and came back unscathed. He even went out into the worst of it just to get some groceries for baking and breakfast.” Aaron says with a huff.
“He still got stabbed!” Kevin returns.
“Kevin, he was definitely not grocery shopping when he got stabbed.” Nicky shoots back.
“He needs-“
“Przywiążę cię do krzesła.” Neil hears Smith’s Grandma cut Kevin off. Her tone is so sweet just like it has been the last couple times she has interrupted an argument between them all. She really has warmed up to them since Andrew confessed.
Nicky lets out a loud bark of laughter.
“Are you okay?” Aaron asks.
“Yeah, cutting onions make me laugh.” Nicky returns quickly.
Kevin walks out of the Kitchen with the same gooey expression he’s gotten every time Smith’s Grandma has said something sweet to him but considering how often and how hard Nicky laughs at what she says he wonders if she’s just sassing him in a sweet tone.
He really needs to pick up a phrase book.
He might like her even more if his theory is correct.
“It shouldn’t be a big problem.” Neil says but he is a bit more careful as he moves FF’s phone away from where it could get damaged. “Smith is definitely asleep. He looked really tired.” Neil says and it twists his own stomach to think about how FF looked in his hospital bed. FF wouldn’t take anything more than the bare minimum when it came to pain medication.
Each “I’m fine.” He gave had him coming to a deeper and deeper understanding of how frustrating it is to have someone who is CLEARLY not fine say they are.
“I’m more concerned about who might text you.” Andrew says.
Neil shrugs, “Ichirou is more the type to just show up.” Because it’s true. Every time he’s met Ichirou there had been very little warning.
Andrew frowns but then Nicky is coming out with lunch. It was nothing fancy but a home cooked meal always made Neil feel warm. Smith’s grandma had just been using what was in their pantry so far but the two other meals (and her pie) had been amazing.
“Lunch is ready. We’ll head back to the hospital afterwards to see when Smithy can get discharged.” Nicky says putting a large bowl of pasta in the center of the table. Aaron came out a moment later with the Parmesan shaker and the protein powder bottle.
“Here you go Kevin, add as much as you want to your own meal.” Aaron says in a sweet tone just like Smith’s Grandma.
“Eat shit Aaron.” Kevin scowls now knocked out of his gooey expression as fills his plate with pasta and reaches for the Parmesan.
Neil can’t help but let out a puff of laughter at the interaction and lets the worry of being away from his phone slide away. FF was sleeping, he was safe, and Ichirou had not expressed any interest in talking to him.
“Pass that to me when you’re done.” Neil asks pointing at the Parmesan as he fills his and Andrew’s plates.
***
There had been a plan.
Nathaniel Wesninski was supposed to be at this hospital at least according to his cell phone location. His future investment was not the best at keeping that device on him though so he was willing to wait when there were no signs of the Wesninski. There would, of course, be a cost for his patience. He had his men go seek out the uninvolved civilian. If Wesninski came back and found his friend threatened due to his lackadaisical nature with his phone perhaps he’d remember to keep it on him.
Except now that very uninvolved civilian is sitting in front of him. The ’Smith’ that Wesninski had spoken of.
He sees Wesninski’s phone sat on the table and his eyes go back to the young man in front of him. He wonders if this was some ploy by Wesninski, some statement. This young man in front of him took out one of the Butcher’s top men on his own.
He’d confirmed it when he’d gone to see Jackson earlier that day. He went to remind them what would happen if they tried to turn over anything to the Federal agents and to see how two of his biggest headaches had been taken out so suddenly.
Jackson talked about how Wesninski’s friend hadn’t seemed surprised to find him in the alley, had seemed like he had been expecting it and how swiftly he had been taken out. Wesninski’s guard dog had gone out afterwards and they’d lead Romero into a trap that resulted in his arrest and this civilian swearing up and down that Romero was the one that stabbed him even though Romero asserts that he never had a firm grip on the knife.
A great way to ensure he was held by the police while they were fully investigated. They wouldn’t have much time to investigate either of the Butcher’s remnants. Ichirou was only offering the choice between something painful or something easy.
The young man in front of him offered nothing, waiting for Ichirou to begin the talks. His expression clearly showing that he’d happily wait Ichirou out as if he was long used to tense silences. There is no doubt that this man in front of him knows exactly who he is but he still has the audacity to wait him out.
“Where is Wesninski?” He tightens his fist at having to ask first.
“That’s not Captain Neil’s last name anymore.” FF returns with the first hint of expression on his face being a frown.
The first piece of information given. So, loyal to Nathaniel and not to the Wesninski line. Loyal to Captain Neil.
“Captain Neil is getting lunch.” He answers, “I’m the only one here for you to talk to right now.” He adds after a moment putting his hands on the table.
Ichirou can understand what isn’t being said.
“Does, Josten, realize you’re here?” He asks taking care to use Wesninski’s new last name knowing he wouldn’t get his answers otherwise. He has a hard time imagining the man who was so loyal to his friends purposefully leaving this one to act as defense for him.
Wesninski had been very clear during his brief phone conversation with him, “Smith was just caught up in all of this. He’s not a threat to you Lord Moriyama.” He had said voice steady and without a hint of a lie.
“In the hospital? Of course.” He returns, “Down here talking to you? He’ll probably be upset.” he says after a moment.
“And yet, you’re here.” He says mirroring the man’s own relaxed posture.
Loyal but willing to do something that might displease the one he is loyal to if it would keep them safe. Ichirou stops himself from looking to his left where his most loyal man stood. Connor had stepped in front of threats he hadn’t seen coming plenty of times, had questioned him even when Ichirou had threatened to cut out his tongue for it, and had always had the courage to look Ichirou in the eye when he explained himself no matter how injured he was or how irate Ichirou was.
It’s something rare and it seems like it is something Wesninski has found unknowingly.
“Yes, I’m here to talk about Friday night.” He says, “I assume you’ve already spoken with Romero and Jackson.” He says moving the conversation away from Wesninski. Bringing Ichirou’s attention and possible ire to himself.
A truly rare find in his world.
“Yes, let’s talk about Friday night.” He agrees.
***
What was it about the Smith family and making great food?
It was just a simple combination of canned tomatoes, butter, pasta, onions, cheese, spices and garlic but it had Neil going for a third serving. Smith’s Grandma had really made enough to feed an army and when he’d commented Nicky had just reached over and tried to pinch his cheek fat only for his fingers to find little to grab onto, “You’re too thin! Eat more!” He exclaimed before repeating it to Smith’s Grandma in Polish who nodded earnestly.
Wymack was at the table after he took a shower. Kevin was still trying to convince Aaron of all people that he should be allowed to put protein powder into the clear soup that was simmering on the stove top for FF. The dietary restrictions someone faced while they were healing from stomach surgery was no joke.
The other Dealer had dropped despite Wymack and Neil’s best attempts to get Lisa to stay. Seemed determined to head back to her small town and rejoin the family cult she had escaped from. He’d been worried about her going home but she had insisted she’d be back.
It was unfortunate but it was also Lisa’s choice.
His stomach twists wondering if FF is going to go back to Washington with his Grandma when he gets released. There had barely been a whisper of danger from Neil’s past since Ichirou had put that bullet in Riko’s head and now one of his few friends that had been entirely uninvolved in that nightmare was in the hospital because of him.
Andrew elbows him.
Neil turns to look and Andrew is carefully putting a penne pasta on each prong of his fork, “I can hear you worrying.” He says in Russian.
“What if Smith leaves?” He responds back in the same language.
“He has the right to.” Andrew shrugs and shoves the pasta into his mouth.
“I don’t want him to.” Neil admits, FF is a friend. A good friend.
“He still can leave even if you don’t want him to.” Andrew says as he proceeds to once again put a penne pasta on each of his fork’s prongs. “I don’t think he will though.” He adds before shoving his fork into his mouth again.
Neil blinks, “Why?” He asks.
FF isn’t like how Neil was his Freshman year, he’s steady and sure but Neil wouldn’t blame the Freshman if ‘possibly being killed off by remnants of my Captain’s crime family’ is a step too far for FF. Wouldn’t blame FF if he runs.
“He still calls you Captain Neil.” He says reaching over and squeezing Neil’s knee with his hand.
Neil blinks.
He thinks.
FF laid out on the concrete as Andrew worked to stem the blood from his stab wound, “It’s a weird sex alley Captain Neil! I don’t know WHAT to tell you!” He exclaims ready to make a joke even as he’s bleeding because of a situation Neil’s existence put him in.
FF still floating from the initial large amount of pain medication he was on pulling on Neil’s sleeve, “I’m glad you’re okay Captain Neil.” Before falling back into his drugged sleep.
FF’s eyes softening as Neil offered to get a nurse to give him more pain medication, “Really Captain Neil, I’m fine.” He says.
He lays his own hand over Andrew’s.
“I guess he does.” He offers a small tentative smile.
“Eat your pasta Junkie.” Andrew says in English now.
“You’re too thin!” Nicky reminds him and Smith’s Grandma must have picked up on the terminology since she nods earnestly in agreement as the two of them were packing up leftovers and the soup Smith’s Grandma had made for him so they could head back to the hospital to keep FF company.
***
“Why did you go out into the alley?” Ichirou asks.
“Isn’t it better that I was in the alley?” The man across from him asks with a raised brow, as if Ichirou was asking a strange question. “If I had stayed in the club, who knows what would have happened or how many people would have been hurt.” He explains without Ichirou needing to lower himself to asking.
There’s truth to that.
It’s been on the news that the remaining Wesninski inner-circle had been captured but since there’d only been one injury it had been largely overshadowed by news regarding the mass injury incidents surrounding Black Friday. If Romero had started had gotten the general public involved this would be much harder for him to silence the ones involved.
Still…
“This has caused me quite a bit of trouble. It does not look good that I am not the one who found them.” He says because there’d been talks from some of the old men he had yet to rid himself of from his Father’s time. They had wanted the remaining Wesninski men to be brought back into the fold but there was little chance of that happening now. Ichirou planned on disposing them after showing that they were worthless and using it as an excuse to start removing some of the dead weight from his father’s time.
Ichirou was not a man who tolerated incompetence.
“Isn’t it better that they were taken into custody like this?” The man across from him asks, “They were some of the Butcher’s best from what Captain Neil has told me. The fact that it only resulted in me going to the hospital and they were taken out by Andrew and I is one of the better outcomes.” He says.
Ichirou pauses and considers it.
The two men that those relics had wanted for their ‘competence’ and ‘ability’ had been taken out in a way that showcased what Ichirou had thought of them. They were sloppy, they were over-confident, and worst of all they were incompetent.
“Before I forget.” Smith says and his hand goes to the bulge in his jacket pocket.
Ichirou can feel Conner tense behind him and he wonders where this had gone wrong or how the conversation had broken down but he doesn’t have long to wonder about it as Smith pulled something out that was unmistakable as a toy with it’s bright yellow coloring. Smith sets it on the table between them and Ichirou cannot help the confusion that must show on his face despite his many years of training to keep his face blank.
“What is that?” Conner asks sounding utterly bewildered behind him.
“I used this to temporarily blind Jackson during our fight. I figure it would be useful evidence for you.” Smith says.
He hears a bark of laughter to his right as Michael reaches for the toy.
Useful evidence indeed.
It would be easy to show this as a sign that those relics could hardly be trusted to have an opinion in how he ran his empire. Those men they so prized taken out by a children’s toy.
This has gone to his benefit.
“So it would seem.” He finally says, “I will make sure to reward your assistance.” He says wanting a stronger hold over the man in front of him, a tie of some sort to the Moriyama family.
Smith shakes his head in the negative. “I didn’t do anything noteworthy. Whatever it is should go to Captain Neil.” He argues.
Rare find indeed.
“It will be done.” He says and figures with the additional cash flow eliminating the search for the Wesninski men, the removal of his father’s hanger-ons, and the blood he can squeeze from the family Romero and Jackson had intended to go to ( a supposedly allied family) he could more than afford to drop what his three Exy investments owed him as a percent.
His eyes shift over to Smith across from him and finds that he was even more willing to lower those percentages if he could not only drop the dead weight of his father’s empire but perhaps gain someone useful. “Still, I like to reward those who have directly benefitted me. We will take care of any and all hospital fees related to this incident.” He looks to his right and Michael nods.
Smith’s face doesn’t give much away, his pokerface was quite exceptional.
“Thank you." He accepts and says nothing else so Ichirou decides to make his offer.
“I have heard that you are studying languages.” He says.
“I am.” Smith says.
“Which ones do you know?” He asks.
Smith blinks, surprised by the question, “Fluently? French, German, Spanish, Polish, Dutch, Italian, R-“ he pauses and shakes his head, “Recently, I’ve been studying Japanese, Chinese, and some Korean.” He says strangely stumbling over a word for the first time this entire conversation.
A useful skill.
“If you ever find yourself looking for work,” Ichirou snaps his fingers and Conner had a card in his hand in an instant, consider reaching out.” He says before he offers it with both hands and is pleased when Smith accepts it with a slight bow before taking it with both hands. “I see you are also studying the etiquette.” He adds.
Smith looks up from the business card and he looks paler but Ichirou chalks it up to the fact that bowing slightly with his current stomach status likely hurt far more than he had let on. “If you don’t know the etiquette you only know half of the language.” He says and Ichirou quite likes the sentiment.
“Tell Josten that I no longer need to speak with him. Our conversation was satisfactory.” Ichirou says as he rises to his feet.
“I will do that…Lord Moriyama.” Smith says bowing his head politely.
***
The sight of Ichirou Moriyama was always going to be one that made Neil nervous.
The only good thing about seeing him right now was that Kevin had gone with Coach and Aaron in a separate car so that the two of them could continue their argument about protein powder in FF’s soup and Andrew had snagged a spot up front while Coach would have to park farther back.
“Lord Moriyama, I did not expect to see you here.” He greets head down and he almost goes to his knees if it wouldn’t have attracted the sort of attention that Ichirou hated from the public. He just hopes that Andrew isn’t scowling and that Nicky and Smith’s Grandma can keep quiet.
“Perhaps if you kept your phone with you then my appearance would not be such a surprise.” Ichirou comments idly, “Though I suppose I did have a very beneficial conversation with Smith. Quite a bright young man you have as a friend.” He compliments and Neil’s head shoots up in surprise at it.
Ichirou had spoken with FF.
FF who was fading in and out of consciousness.
“I have faith that he will not reveal anything.” Ichirou adds and Neil clenches his fist and wants desperately to ask what happened. Wants to know what state he’s going to find his friend in. “I have not done anything to harm him, you are lucky to have a…friend like that.” Ichirou says as if physical damage was the only thing that Ichirou Moriyama was capable of.
“Yes Lord Moriyama, he is a very talented and skilled defenseman.” He says hoping that if nothing else Ichirou’s desire for Neil and Kevin’s future profitability would have him reconsider doing anything in the future to FF to ensure they would have good showings for the professional teams.
“Yes, he was quite talented in your defense.” Ichirou nods, “I will reach out with details of our new deal once some affairs have settled. Take care of your friend, Josten.” Ichirou says before continuing out of the hospital.
New Deal?
Neil banished the thought from his head. They needed to get up to FF’s room and he needed to make sure his friend was okay and find out what exactly had happened.
Andrew’s hand came to the back of his neck and squeezed, “Calm down.” Andrew ordered voice soothingly blank even if Neil could feel the way his grip stuttered. “Let’s go.”
***
The Nurses were saying something about ‘aggravating stitches’ and ‘lucky nothing tore’ but it was all white noise to FF as he continues to think about the business card burning a hole in his pocket.
Ichirou Moriyama.
He’d just had an entire conversation with Ichirou Moriyama.
His stomach was already hurting from his ill advised walk but the moment he’d seen that name on the business card he had accepted his insides had been pure acid. He missed his Pepto Bismol more than anything right now, what he would give for just a single hit of the sweet pink relief.
He couldn’t figure out what was worse.
The fact that he had given over EVIDENCE to the head of a Yakuza group (was it a yakuza group or was it a mafia group?).
The fact that he’d been right in his thoughts from the abyss that the man in the cafeteria looked like a Yakuza member (was it a Yakuza or Mafia?).
The fact that he’d just seen a Japanese guy and thought ‘Oh, must be the Japanese FBI guy I’m supposed to talk to’ which means he’d still been kind of racist.
The fact that he just realized that he had Captain Neil’s phone and not his own meaning that Ichirou had been telling Captain Neil to come to the cafeteria and FF just showed up like a dipshit trying to pitch their lie about the alley.
Finally there was the fact that Ichirou Moriyama had apparently been impressed enough to offer him a spot within his Yakuza group (Yakuza or Mafia?)
Would it be weird to ask during the interview process? Is there an interview process to join organized crime? Do they have benefits? Wait a crime family is paying for his hospital stay right now. This is too much.
He considers asking the nurse to yes please crank up the pain killers and just let him slip into a nice not embarrassing coma but then Captain Neil and Andrew were rushing into his room. “Smith!” Captain Neil exclaims.
Well, too late to ask for that coma.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themundanemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream @azure-wing @bushbees @roonilwazlib-main @crumplelush @foldedaces-paperbirds @thesenseinnonsense @let-tyrants-fear @ketchupandfries @legowerewolf @deadlydodos @but-we-respect-his-craft @cariniqe @zanypersonapricotbiscuit @lesbian-blackbeard @lesbiansupernatural @silvermasquerade @thepeachfuzz @minniemariex @kazoo-the-demjin @gaypomegranate @ji-nk-ies @neilimfinejosten @omgrubelangel @itsyouitsmeorpheuseurydice @percabethotplove @cozyrosykay @foxyatlas @theoneandonlylostsock @cindersapsecrets @scornedethnographer @hugemotherfuckingnerd @givemethedamnflowers
The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.
As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?
If you didn’t get notified on the last part it’s probably because I used tumblr mobile to post and our most beloved garbage fire site just didn’t like that.
Polish in this chapter:
Przywiążę cię do krzesła = I will tie you to a chair
#Fluent Freshman AU#MAN that was a long one#Also just like having to build that misunderstanding took forever#I need a nap#which is to say that I'm going to bed since it's 2 AM#Not pictured is Michael pointing the McDonald's Happy Meal Toy at Conner and pulling the trigger#And Conner going Shit that's bright#And Michael now has to drive the car#The Moriyama men who were looking for Smith absolutely got a talking to#Like a man of THAT caliber got within spitting distance of Lord Moriyama? Unacceptable#Just be grateful he wanted to TALK.#Also not pictured is Kevin and Aaron continuing that argument in the car as Kevin tries to rope Aaron in#to making the perfect protein supplement for Smith's recovery#Kevin is thankfully so focused on this that he just flat out misses that they parked like four cars away from where Ichirou Moriyama is#Neil may Velcro his phone to him now.#Man can you imagine Neil having his Josten Jorts(tm) and he's added a velcro strip to all of them#Andrew just looking on like yeah I still think he's hot and sighing to himself#This is where you've laid your affections Andrew#DEAL WITH IT#Alright it's like 2:20 AM after doing the tags and @-ing everybody#AFTG#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#Andreil#FF - Pt. 29
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Just saw someone on FB refer to Sleep Token in the singular.
"Saw him on my birthday in May. Can't wait to see him again."
Speechless.
#sleep token#what?#why would you do that#the Roman Numerals didn’t register anything for you?#i think i need supplemental oxygen after that#deep breaths
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My great-uncle runs grocery stores and he told me about having to close down the one by the university because the students never bought fresh perishable foods there and (though I haven't been a college student these 6 years) I still am very proud of myself whenever my grocery list is just perishables
#today i got kale arugula smoked salmon apple lemon green beans and coconut milk#to be supplemented by chicken pot pie (homemade w homemade broth and chicken fat to make the roux) and butternut squash soup#and chia seed pudding and eggs to feed me for the week#am i like. a healthy eater?? i know i am but the amount of greens i actually want to eat rn is shocking#also hello i'm barely clinging to life and health in the aftermath of 2 trips in 2 weeks but i AM clinging#i am fed i worked out outside i am showing up at work and getting it done#i still have an entire conference paper to write in the next 8 days#and i need to get my car repaired#AND apply for a job (many things have changed in me so fast job-wise#but i can't really post about it til i journal about it but that won't happen for days)#my soul is so full though i got so much physical touch and saw beloved friends and their children#4 parently professors 10 dear friends and 3 children IT WAS THE BEST#and then today i had dinner with my friends here and goofed with the twins so :) all's well :)#i just am on a tight deadline to get my body and life stabilized before next weekend i take another road trip and pms#love you all i hold you dearly i intend to send forth mail. once i'm sane at home again. which may not happen til december#oh! and my copy of deep secret by diana wynne jones came in the mail while i was gone#and! i got to the colorwork part of my sweater and it looks AWESOME
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I'm not iron deficient anymore!!! :D I just got the blood test results back and for once I had a fixable problem and it is fixed*!!!! *well okay my total iron saturation % is still a little low but the rest of my numbers are in the normal range! Even ferritin!! My ferritin levels have almost quadrupled and are now in the normal range!!! :D
#the person behind the yarn#medical mention#blood mention#my ferritin levels were 3 and now they are 11 :D#I am not at stop taking supplements stage but I think I won't need an iron infusion anymore!#I was really not looking forward to finding out if I was allergic to that#like. very grateful for the opportunity to get an iron infusion if I need one#but given all the other stuff I'm allergic to...I was concerned lol#also this doc was the first doctor to bring up testing me for the Significantly Worse version of a thing I have#like. I knew the worse version existed but no doctor had ever mentioned it to me#I do not have the Significantly Worse version. It's not the kind of thing you have for a decade.#and once I told her when my symptoms started she stopped talking about doing the test#but it was nice that she knew enough about it to bring it up and that she was willing to. you know?
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The answers Marisha gave in this 4SD felt a lot more realized than in the past, which is good! But it still makes me feel like this character concept is incredibly ambitious and when juxtaposed with the various "I don't want to think anymore"/"go with the flow" statements I'm not sure she realized that.
The biggest example is that Laudna has two conflicting traits: she is extremely sensitive to betrayal, and she is very quick to trust even after experiencing a number of betrayals in her life. And when I say "conflicting" I mean that they are in conflict with each other, not that it doesn't make sense for a character to be a complicated person with traits that frequently work against them; in fact that's in my opinion a fantastic way to create a compelling character. But it feels like the why is only just starting to get explored in any capacity, and because of that even good choices raise more questions: why is this only coming out now; why so young a regression; why has it peeked out so weirdly and inconsistently in the past; why haven't the repeated betrayals in the past two months affected her mindset and made her more closed off. It once again makes me really wish we'd gotten a sustained outburst after the party reunited, because that would have made far more sense - a fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me situation.
I agree with the opinion that Laudna conceptually just fits far more with being an actual child herself - her desire to befriend children frankly comes off slightly weirder (not line-crossing or anything, just a little off) than it would had she died younger, as does her approach of dolls, and her failure to do anything with Delilah would make a lot more sense if she was at an age to be much more reliant. It would also make her inability to just blend into a city much more reasonable; no one is going to rent to a lone 11 year old. It really does feel that when the creepy child idea was rejected - which is a valid choice - it wasn't reworked sufficiently to fit someone who died in her late teens or early 20s.
I also don't really get the idea of her childlike nature being without malice. A pretty consistent theme for the various traumatic childhoods the characters of Bells Hells (and, tbh, past parties as well) has been the cruelty children are capable of - Ashton even says it in 3x78. Delilah being stuck with someone without malice would honestly lead to a situation in which Laudna was very trusting of her, which isn't the case, which again goes back to the conflict of betrayal as a trigger vs. being so quick to trust. Given that Laudna was frequently bullied and rejected as a kid, one would think she'd be aware of this. The specific example of Delilah calling Ashton a child and Laudna making him a doll still works wonderfully, but the overarching theme falls apart in places.
I think things have been on an upswing as of late, but ultimately we're at a point where, without some retcons I don't think Laudna will ever truly make complete sense because it's just such an intensive concept that did not get the work that required, and still feels reliant on a now-rejected premise.
#cr tag#laudna#didn't want to distract from the main post but honestly i again think the book coming out is debatably worse#when i think of successful supplemental material (eg: midst appendices; nine eyes of lucien/VM and MN origins comics#they are 1. optional to understanding the original material; they enhance it but aren't required#and 2. do not have any real twists from the source material merely expansion#backstory should explain current behavior but you need to establish current behavior first
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Do ferrets need a raw meat diet or is fancy cat food ok for them?? I'm getting conflicting answers, I hear a lot of people are against raw feeding dogs and ferrets, but a lot say kibble is bad
Anon.
Hope this helps lol.
#There are diets made for ferrets specifically but many are. Questionable.#I recommend Mazuri brand ferret pellets for the best nutritional balance#but yes certain cat foods are sufficient you just really need to know how much protein and taurine and such and such#to make sure you’re getting a good food#feeding raw makes it very hard to balance nutrition and may expose your ferret to food borne illness#you can offer frozen then thawed mice and such and cooked eggs as supplements and treats but not as the main diet
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whenever i need to combat the ever glorious temptation of killing my embarrassing severely disabled and doomed shitty gay self i order a huge pizza and so far it has worked perfectly each time so. maybe jot that down just in case. carl jung said this
#i'd also suggest supplementing that with a few swigs of vodka. if you REALLY need a foolproof boost.#then you need to watch monster factory while you eat it as an extra source of life inspiration#always sunny as also equally soothing and rejuvenating.
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watching a critical analysis video on hello neighbor and having to remind myself that The Game Is, In Fact, Pretty Bad Actually and that just bc I actually know the story (thanks to Being Here since the beginning of its development and reading its supplemental material(books)) doesn’t mean the game actually makes sense as a stand alone piece
#the game is bad and should not need supplemental material to clarify it/make it good. I know this#but god damn it act three is about reliving childhood trauma and I Appreciate that the game itself moved away from its initial Over All Pre#Over All Premise of the most important thing is figuring out what’s in the basement#i like that it went ‘ok. well ehat happens after you find out#you’re in the basement now and you’re not getting out for a while#i like that act three was a dream sequence#I love hello neighbor. i wish it was a good game.#words from the monarch#hello neighbor
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i’ll be like zyrtec isn’t doing shit and forget to take it one night and the next day have the most miserable morning of my life
#it’s doing everything thank you beautiful mistress zyrtec i’ll never disrespect you again#ever.txt#i do still need to take supplemental allergy meds#but without the baseline zyrtec my life is miserable#fuck you claritin you never did shit for me
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Just a reminder that if you live in northern latitudes, especially ones that have a lot of gray days without sunshine, it's time to start taking your vitamin D supplements (yes, even people who don't have SAD should ask a health care professional about their vitamin D levels... many people have a deficiency and don't realize it, and it can be very difficult for some people to get enough just from their diet, especially if you don't see the sun at all for weeks at a time in the winter).
#i forgot to start taking mine as early as i normally do because it was warmer than normal#and man was i getting tired and cranky#luckily i started up before whatever bug is going around got to me#my joints are feeling a bit better now too#and here come the extra nail and hair growth benefits i always see when i take my supplements#🤣#do some research and talk to health care providers before you just start taking random supplements#but if you already know you need them especially if you're in gray wintry areas remember to start taking them again now
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i like the borders around your panels! did you make those yourself or was it like a clip studio tool? :0
Thank you so much!!!! I drew those by hand! I made a bunch at the start so i could copy+paste them to new panels instead of drawing them manually every time :]
#I do have to supplement some new ones if i decide to get funky with the panels or i need an extra line here or there but thats all really#its still a little tedious to move things around but its WAYYY better than having to redraw every time and its so worth it#thank you copy+paste for saving my life#chitchat#ask
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Alrighty, based off the stress induced rash I have on my cheeks and eyes, I’m going to take that as a sign to log off for a bit. I think it’s one of those situations where it’s going to get worse before it gets better because of outside factors. Tata for now. 🌱
#mine#avatar explore page#avatar for you#new avatar blog#avatar the way of water#avatar 2009#new avatar writer#new writer#new blog#avatar blog#avatar fyp#I’m thinking of approaching this issue from a holistic neytiric selfcare kind of day way#I’m also off my supplements for an upcoming procedure and their potency is equivalent to prescribed anxiety meds#and I regret telling my doctor that#because they wouldn’t take me off an official medication if I didn’t need to#now I’m just stressed and anxious#and I now won’t be going on Accutane because I missed the window to submit a negative pregnancy test by 3 minutes#and which no one informed me I had to take another one for the approval#now my life is in shambles all within 24 hours#and I’m off my ashwaganda so I can’t regulate my emotions properly and I feel so panicky#anyway it’s best I log off for a bit#I never cry in the shower and i found myself hysterical in the morning#that’s not like me#what would Jake do?#because I need his analytical skills and planning#avatar
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i’ve been telling my school for at least the last six months to hire me as a stage manager. now that rehearsals officially start THIS WEEK, guess who came crawling back
#and obviously I said yes!!!#im going back to see all my frens in [redacted]#im so sick of living with my mother (not even cause of her. cause of my inability/lack of effort to make friends)#but yeah I have to talk to my current job about it tmrw and be like sooooooo know how you keep telling me you don’t know how this place ran#without me? peace out good luck!#(jk im gonna offer to work remotely and PRAY they take me up on it cause I need the income and the job is easy as shit)#then I’ll supplement with babysitting and finally get to see friends again and bing bang boom depression cured#the place im thinking of moving doesn’t allow pets tho so i need to see if i can afford anywhere else cause like. kitty babies#life of a boomerang
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Any time I see an ad for an app or course or product that starts with "STOP making this mistake when learning a language!!" I automatically mentallly blacklist it
#language library#ruffled feathers#they basically imply that their app is the only thing you need and sell it like a quick-fix that'll make you fluent in 3 months or whatever#and i'm like lmao it won't though will it. it's just another generic language learning app/course and you know it#any app is just a supplement to learning. your silly little app cannot replace or substitute my other learning tools#tbh i barely use apps anyway. just kanji dojo and renshuu
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