#sun is gathering more suns
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@unoffical-sundrop @fuckyoyidontneedtherapy @sundroptsamsrpblog @dark-sun-is-smart @dark-sundrop @solars-sun @ask-nice-nexus-aus-sun
Gathering all of the suns to discuss our lives 😌
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what draws you back to your country what draws you back to your land when i was a kid i told myself if i ever left iran i'd never go back 2 years into living in the UK i started looking at news on iran again 10 years in and i visited it for the first time again and today i heard an iranian mother talk in farsi to her child on the train to london the way my mother used to and i wanted to cry i wanted to ask her whether they're still cutting the mountaintops whether the lakes are still drying today i showed the person i was with pictures of waterfalls and palaces and forests and snow-white north something odd pulls me back with increasing force i can't ignore it ever again
#i just dont know how else to tell you everything !!! santoor from a different room the large family gathering the black tea with saffron#drank out of delicate glass and gold vessels cold marble on hot nights big stars big rivers big mountains#visible from busy tehran roads the ease of conversation tension eased by sarcasm tall tall cliffsides you drive by#rushing to put on headscarves before the head teacher comes in a rave by the base of damavand massive sun pastel purple skies#disjunct architecture trucks on road sides with fresh fruits pomegranates watermelons oranges everywhere#the smell of golpar on tangerines beautiful girls in tehran holding hands bautiful boys in kermanshah speaking kurdish the janky#cars on the verge of breakdown held together by love caspian sea lighting up in spring staying up into the morning on noruz#my friends uncle sang and played setar his son played the violin a little fear a lot of love remnants of something#grand carved into the cliffside everything feels bigger taller the landscape swallows you it smells like#illegally imported wine and orange blossoms and auntie's tahchin soaking your eyes in warm tea when youre sick#tomatoes and salt concrete and stone something mandmade and something raw new flag old resilience#the anger getting to us bruised eyes big grin all i know is the north i feel sorry my mother asks if id be okay#if they got a place in tajikistan we love each other enough dont we? when we look in the mirror we see each other. theres a love letter#across the border and it says I MISS YOU IM GLAD YOURE DOING BETTER itll never be the same im not okay with it at all there are no more#stars i miss jumping over big fires i miss our fireworks im sorry we cant be happy anymore everyone#leaves the mint and rosewater and sunlight for a reason.#it's not pride it's just generational regret
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Well. hrm. the way they all connect to each other. like it’s all starting to look like a circle of some sort. jess as rory’s mirror/reflection/narrative foil but also jess as he pertains to luke and jess as he pertains to lorelai. luke breaking the church bells luke who says he was troubled but they gave him a chance and just bc a kid has issues doesnt mean they don’t deserve that. luke who is a figure placed against the rest of the town, just in the sense that he is not like them, he does not hold their values, he doesn’t even sound like them. which is of course a result of scott patterson’s new york accent, but adds to this theme anyway. and they use jess to build this picture, because they walk the same and talk the same and they’re stubborn—independent to a near self-endangering degree—and emotionally repressed in the same way and luke himself admits that he spent more time working at his dad’s shop than he did at school, which jess also does. but jess and luke are also. very very different when you get past these similar values that are maybe ingrained into them through different circumstances and same genetic makeup. and in their differences you get a lot of jess and lorelai’s similarities. when it comes to their family dynamics and how it’s affected them in particular. it’s made them independent yes, but it’s also made them hypervigilant, almost paranoid in the way they are allergic to accepting help and especially accepting help from the people who hurt them. jess only goes to his mother’s wedding because luke asks him to, lorelai only asks her parents for money because rory needs it for school. and they, and this is where they differ from luke, don’t know how to trust people and so they don’t know how to talk to people. where luke’s particular brand of emotional constipation comes from a general cluelessness as to how to do it—which is why the tapes helped him so much—lorelai and jess’ come from emotional responses to the situations they grew up in. while it was different—lorelai growing up rich, jess growing up poor—the effect it had on them still resulted in something similar. lorelai with her overbearing manipulative mother and (emotionally) absent father, and jess with his neglecting manipulative mother and (in all senses of the word) absent father. the ways that, despite their effort to distance themselves, they still end up with similar mannerisms to the parent they have the most conflict with (lorelai and her controlling nature + that scene where they have the same nighttime routine, jess and his love for books + tendency to run away). and of course, their romanticism. their big confessions and period drama-esque speeches and, yeah, i do think in a way jess was asking rory to marry him in 4x21. come with me. let’s get married. luke and rory both being the most important people in their lives. literati+javajunkie where they are all melding into each other, and luke is rory and lorelai is jess but on the surface level dynamic luke is jess and lorelai is rory and they are all each other. on accident. by sheer nature of making jess as a character for the sole purpose of interfering with luke and lorelai’s relationship (which means he is important narratively to them both) and by making him rory’s love interest/foil (because ASP casted him before she even had the idea for the character) you have now made an accidental blending of them all together. he is like a skeleton key of a character. Okay. okay.
#clocking in for my shift at the pattern recognition factory#literati#javajunkie#gilmore girls#i was also going to talk about how rory is ALSO a skeleton key of a character similar to how jess is because.#well all the lines about how she is ‘just like her mother’ wrt stubbornness and defiancy and iron will. but it was already. very long. so.#i’ll save it for another post.#and in that post i’ll probably talk about rory and jess and their dads and luke also. bc that is also missing from this post.#sorry they are so mucu.#so much.#literatijavajunkie is the sun that this show revolves around.#also ties into how jess literally is the only side character that is also a Main Character. in this show.#like compared to rorys other boyfriends where their only importance is to rorys character. jess is like. essential to the narrative.#which is why he’s the one that almost got a spin-off show. he has the functions of a main character the exact same way rory does.#which is why the show would have been about him and HIS dad. literally a direct mirror to the concept of a show about a daughter and a mom.#whatever this is all going to be. in another post.#there are more screenshots to be gathered anyway.#ggwatch#gg meta
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Hi, uhm, don't know if anyone can help but I'm looking for a post I saw once and sadly did not save: it was a detailed analysis of Will as a character and his trauma, general behaviour etc, going through his relationship with his mom and all that happens at chb. I think it was a repost of a twitter thread, but I'm not that sure :( .
Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about/who the poster might be/where I can find that? Or actually if you also have other similar posts or stuff you can suggest? Thanks <3
#will solace#look#i Love Will#but sadly I'm not that confident in my knowledge of him rn#like with Nico I've had years of overanalysing and projecting and obsessing and also much more canon material to work with#with Will it's harder#i love him so so much and I do get him#BUT I lack the confidence and sureness in my knowledge of him and his uh development themes that I need for a specific piece I'm doing#and in general too#i am much more confident portraying Nico but Will makes me so nervous#tsats#��other stuff” being also fics and character studies#watch me reread tsats to gather all the content I can to obsess over#the sun and the star#heroes of olympus#hoo#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo
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Me and my Mental Illness (Solemachus)
#I'll gather more i prommy because I could ramble all damn day#💕 – mod.#💛 – the sun proposed to the moon.
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Day 26: Faith
what you take from the earth, take care to sow again. such are the teachings of the Matron.
#miqomarch#miqomarch 2024#final fantasy 14#seeker of the sun#ffxiv miqo'te#very loosely based on the 'sower of stars' thing i thought it would look nicey#shout out to the rats who ran euphrosyne with me so i could get this shot... love u all#ANYWAY as a seeker negi obviously has a lot of respect for azeyma too#but theres something about having spent a lot of time both in gridania and studying conjury#that makes him like. feel much more connected to nophica than to azeyma#she was there for him when he couldnt figure out his magic... she helped him tend to the ala mhigans#and him studying nature was his escape when he was a little bedbound kitten#so he feels like he owes her a lot. in general but also for his own personal growth#so he's very stringent in his gathering methods#only take what you need. keep seeds to scatter them when needed#woven mesh bags to gather mushrooms so the spores can spread#that sort of thing!#his faith carries him just like he carries it~#m: o'nehgi
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me and my gma were talking about how we both feel like we have the opposite of SAD bc for me personally i get more energy and get happier and want to be outside more in cold, cloudy, rainy, snowy, etc. weather and feel drained and tired in the hot ass summer. she thinks its her inner irish longing for cloudy days lol
#ig for me its my inner scandinavian?? (left intentionally vague bc thats what it said on the thing. like. WHERE THOUGH.)#tbh personally i think its my inner wolfness 😌 nothing more fun than playing with dogs in the snow#though obviously melanin does play a role here. i think too much sun is just overwhelming#i can tolerate it if i need to which is probably bc of other ancestry i probably have in the mediterranean regions and thus#why i am a green boy instead of white as the moon pale- still i prefer cold whether.#which is PROBABLY actually bc im someone who tends to gather a lil fat for winter so im able to tolerate the weather better#im also a lil desensitized to polar bearing in lake michigan and it doesnt get worse then that tbh#being dripping wet and cold SUCKS.#i think i might be a nazis worst nightmare. im mostly (allegedly) scandinavian but with the tiiiiiniest amount of (allegedly) ashkenazi#personally? I love that. good.#they look at me when i had blonde hair and go 'ah yes look at that perfect aryan child' the whole time... muahahahahaha#fuck your 'blood purity' *spits on the idea of it and on you*
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and he's mad about it too!
#read ing#look im losing my mind a little bit about vampire sulla PLEASE tell me its intentional like. i can. i will probably say more things about i#later when i can gather my thoughts properly but. yeah. colleeeeeen what are you doingggggg.#this book fucks severely so far its awful and incredible and i read like 200 pages on the bus today#not to be a little freak but the first time sulla was described tbh i just. because of#'hair like the rising sun' hmm. hmmmmm. pompey...........#masters of rome#sulla#mor
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Hearth to hearth, the Flame of War went.
Over snow-blasted mountains and amongst the trees of tangled forests, hiding from the enemies that prowled the skies. Through long, bitterly cold nights where the wind howled as it tried to wipe out any trace of that flame.
But the wind did not succeed, not against the flame of the queen.
So hearth to hearth, it went.
To remote villages where people screamed and scattered as a young-faced woman descended from the skies on a broom, waving her torch high.
Not to signal them, but the few women who did not run. Who walked toward the flame, the rider, as she called out, "Your queen summons you to war. Will you fly?"
Trunks hidden in attics were thrown open. Folded swaths of red cloth pulled from within. Brooms left in closets, beside doorways, tucked under beds, were brought out, bound in gold or silver or twine. And swords-ancient and beautiful—were drawn from beneath floorboards, or hauled down from haylofts, their metal shining as bright and fresh as the day they had been forged in a city now lying in ruin.
Witches, the townsfolk whispered, husbands wide-eyed and disbelieving as the women took to the skies, red cloaks billowing. Witches amongst us all this time.
Village to village, where hearths that had never once gone fully dark blazed in answer.
Always one rider going out, to find the next hearth, the next bastion of their people.
Witches, here amongst us. Witches, now going to war.
A rising tide of witches, who took to the skies in their red cloaks, swords strapped to their backs, brooms shedding years of dust with each mile northward.
Witches who bade their families farewell, offering no explanation before they kissed their sleeping babes and vanished into the starry night.
Mile after mile, across the darkening world, the call went out, ceaseless and unending as the eternal flame that passed from hearth to hearth.
"Fly, fly, fly!" they shouted. "To the queen! To war!"
Far and wide, through snow and storm and peril, the Crochans flew.
#Chapter 65#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Manon Blackbeak#no spoilers please first read along with me#spoilers in post and tags with more notes reactions quotes annotations etc in tags#Dorian had gone to Morath. Had flown from the camp on wings of his own making.#He would have chosen some sort of small ordinary bird Manon knew. Something even the Thirteen would not have noted#Crunching snow told her Asterin approached. He left didn't he. She nodded unable to find words. — she knew. East not North.#She had offered him everything and had thought he'd meant to accept it. Had thought he did accept it#She had offered him everything and had thought he'd meant to accept it. Had thought he did accept it. Yet it had been farewell.#He would not cage her would not accept what she'd given. As if he knew her better than she knew herself. Do we go after him?#Today-today they would decide where to go. Today she'd dare ask the Crochans to follow. — The Last Crochan Queen The Witch-Queen#to head back into hell The sun rose full and golden as if it were the solitary note of a song filling the world. — for him she would#Terrasen calls for aid! A young Crochan's voice rang through the camp. — but for her people — THEY GOT THE CALL — GO NOW#Even if she'd needed it waited for it. The Flame of War. What say you Queen of Witches? A challenge and a dare. Manon lifted her chin to -#-the two paths before her. one to the east to Morath the other NORTHward to Terrasen and to battle. The wind sang and in it she heard the#answer. I shall answer Terrasen's call Manon said. Asterin stepped to her side fearless as she surveyed the assembled camp. As shall I.#And so it went. Until the leaders of all seven of the Great Hearths stood gathered there. — I’m not crying ur crying — fire bringer#Rhiannon Crochan rode at King Brannon's side into battle. So has her likeness been reborn so shall the old alliances be forged anew.#Light the Flame of War Queen of Witches and rally your host. — the eternal flame — darkness will not claim them#Even the wind did not jostle the flame as Manon lifted it a torch in the new day. The Crochan crowd parted revealing a straight path toward#Bronwens Hearth. Each step was a drumbeat of war. An answer to a question posed long ago. Your Queen summons you to war. — Hearth to Heart#Then and only then did the young scout from the final clan take her burning torch grab her broom and leap into the skies.#To find the next clan to tell them the call had gone out. — nothing but a smoldering speck against the sky then nothing at all. — Hope.#Manon offered a silent prayer on the wind that the sacred flame the young scout bore would burn steadfast over the long dangerous miles.#All the way to the killing fields of Terrasen. Hearth to hearth the Flame of War went.#Fly fly fly! they shouted. To the queen! To war! Far and wide through snow and storm and peril the Crochans flew.#Terrasen calls for aid — so they follow. — Hold on LysAedion come on Aelin — I’m not crying I’m just crying — NOW GO QUICK#The true Witch Queen child of peace and war Manon Blackbeak of the Thirteen & Rhiannon The Last Crochan Queen
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LOVELY DAUGHTER UNSOUND MIND!
#her name is the morning dews her name is light ! her brother has no excuse for his cruelty she can#change the world she has to change this country first if one day she resents me i hope i will care for her stil#his name is the lake his name is the singing bird he is going to to die soon its all neurodegenerative i miss him dearly#and ill miss him more still. a pool of wealth gathers on the shores of an island in the carribean holding ears#building domes and turning heads away in terror of the finite. a photo to the chat of a styrofoam cup full of himalayan salt#sent by the millionaire. answer echoes answer. would you like to be a guest speaker inside my lungs?#THROW THE ARROW INSIDE THE AUTOCLAVE PIERCE THE APPLE ON THEIR HEAD WITH GREAT STERILITY WITH GREAT CARE WITH SOUND MIND#somewhere over the ocean there is turkish coffee the dark wood of a berlin coffee shop the white sunlight of swiss alps#my friend sending me poetry in jest from tokyo her heart in rural china#my heart with the large sun of northern iran flowing through streetlight poles at dusk holding two trans girls hand in hand
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Can somebody please explain to me what the appeal of vampires is.
#I'm genuinely curious#people seem to go absolutely feral over this concept and I want to KNOW I want to UNDERSTAND#and there are some really excellent vampire aus that I love and I want to love them MORE because I want to GET IT™#because all I see are like...societally conventionally attractive people with fangs. who maybe (depending on The Lore™)#can't go out in the sun. and that just...doesn't resonate with me?#like I understand metaphors for 'othering' and the concept of monstrosity but I feel like that gets a little lost if there isn't anything#actually UNPALATABLE about them. like if they just look like what we culturally have idealized in human appearance then how can#they serve as a metaphor for ostracization or being misunderstood?#is it primarily an aesthetic thing? is it a *danger is sexy* thing?#but ordinary humans can be plenty dangerous too (see: 90% of the female characters I'm obsessed with)#so is it in the sense of you can vicariously experience that danger and heightened emotion in a situation that's removed from reality#so it feels less overwhelming when you're watching/reading the piece of fiction???#like I have seen this used effectively as a metaphor for marginalization (undead murder farce) and an exploration of how society#defines a 'monster' (shiki) but that doesn't seem to be the way most people or works engage with this concept#is it just that people like when characters are covered in blood because I DO understand that one lmao#I just feel like vampires have been branded as a Key Aspect of Bisexual/Gay Culture and I feel like I am on a separate plane of existence#because It Is Not Clicking For Me#(tbh I feel like there are a lot of Quintessential Queer Experiences™ that don't apply to me but. that's a whole separate thing.)#ANYWAY would love to hear people's thoughts!#I am cooking up a Meta Post™ about fandom reaction to the concept of monstrosity and I want to gather as much information as possible
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Prompt: fairy-tale heroine of your choice wakes up with amnesia. (Maybe her husband has to explain how they got married?)
Purity of Mind
Dora looked so innocent, asleep on her bed. The fresh white bandages binding her crown looked more like a mark of holiness than disaster. The doctor claimed she'd fallen from a balcony and hit her head upon a stair rail. Adam thought it seemed too suspicious an accident. A disaster on the one day he'd left the house? His sure-footed little wife wouldn't have stumbled like that--not unless she were nearly out of her wits. Perhaps fleeing from some great terror.
"She'll wake soon," the doctor assured him. "Her body's healed enough, but with a head injury like that, there's no telling what state her brain will be in."
The state itself, Adam thought, would be telling enough.
As if roused by the doctor's words, Dora's eyelids fluttered. She sat up, pale and trembling. Her gaze landed upon Adam, and she started to scream.
"Who are you?" she shrieked, gathering the bedclothes to cover herself. "What are you doing in my room?"
Adam had steeled himself for the usual accusations, but this left him off-balance.
Finally, he managed to say, "Dora, it's just me. Adam. Your husband."
"I have no husband!"
"We wed six months ago."
"Liar!" she shrieked. "I'd never marry a man with such an awful beard!"
Adam stroked his blue-black whiskers, neatly trimmed for his homecoming. A deep chuckle rumbled in his throat; after months of her tiptoeing around him, her frankness was amusing. "I paid your parents richly for the privilege."
Dora paused at that. The mercenary child of mercenary parents--the tale would ring true, no matter her objections to his facial hair. Yet the bewilderment didn't fade from her face. "I've never seen this house before."
"You've been mistress here six months."
"I don't believe you."
"Whether you believe me or not, it's true. You fell from a staircase and hit your head."
Her eyes were fire. "I'll bet you pushed me!"
"I was away from home. I only just returned." He would never have opted for such an impersonal death. It was much more satisfying to feel the life draining away beneath his fingers.
The thought brought him back to reality. No need to wrestle with her delusions; only one truth mattered.
"Dora," Adam asked. "Where are the keys?"
"What keys?"
"I left the keys of the house in your keeping. I'll need them returned."
"I never had any keys!"
Adam looked to the doctor, who said, "We've found no keys on her person."
Missing? Impossible. Adam stormed from the room and set the servants searching for the keys. Nothing in her wardrobe. Nothing in the rooms. Nothing in the gardens.
The door on the third floor was locked, with no signs of entry.
Adam returned to the sickroom as the sun was setting. Dora sat quietly on her bed, having been calmly convinced of her new reality, completely unaware of the turmoil she'd thrown his life into.
He could have torn her limb from limb right there, but he had no proof yet she was deserving of it. For the moment, his strategy was gentleness.
He sat on the bed beside her. "Dora, my dove, think. Can you remember where the keys might be?"
"I can't even remember you."
Adam examined her in every detail--the tips of her fingers, the whites of her eyes, the curl of her lips. No signs of deception.
"You truly can't remember anything?"
Tears glittered in her eyes as she shook her head.
She looked as innocent as a newborn babe. The timid little fool he'd married couldn't fake such total ignorance. If she'd peered behind the door, she'd lost the memory of what she'd seen. If she'd disobeyed, he had no way of knowing.
A new twist to the game--a second chance.
Adam left the room in a state of contentment. He could get new keys made. His secret was safe--locked away either behind the door or in his wife's blank mind.
And if her memory returned? If she had memories of that bloody chamber?
He could always kill her later.
#answered asks#adventures in writing#fairy tale retellings#bluebeard#incomingalbatross#i could have taken this in much more pleasant directions#but when i tried to match fairy tales to the scenario most of them just became summaries of the original tale#picking one where the couple gets married before the end held more promise#i did consider 'east of the sun west of the moon'#but when this one came to mind and suggested a very different type of story i couldn't resist#i considered hinting that she's faking her amnesia#giving her a better chance to gather evidence and alert her family#but there's no great way to show that from his pov#just know that there's still a happy ending to this version of the tale#(i had wanted to pick a fairy tale where the amnesia could be magically induced)#(because i usually hate the 'bump on the head erases memory' trope)#(brain damage doesn't work like that!)#(but the drama potential outweighed medical accuracy)#(and it does further suggest she could be faking it)
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had an enlightening conversation with my cousin about my goals and ideology in life. what did this lead to? inner cowboy and inner sailor fighting each other for my future geographical home area (sea vs land) and then making out sloppy style as they both realise they share the desire to explore and live simply and go with the flow and love the world and seek out their desires and
#being more serious the character of “the cowboy” has always stuck with me even as a child#my whole discord was cowboy themed at one point years ago#not saying that im ready to go and live my life out as a cowboy#but that there is a lot about that “character” of living on the land#exploring the world on horseback#fishing and hunting and gathering your own resources#maybe owning a homestead that provides for you as long as you provide for it#joining up with friends and just having a grand time watching the sun set over the valley#playing the harmonica and guitar and banjo and spoons and whistling along#having clothes that arent necessarily the most fashionable but they work and can be repaired and are strong#with fashion still being a part of the outfit#neutral and earthy tones#rugged. useful. handmade#same goes for “the sailor”#working together as a team to get forward in life#(ive always preferred teamwork over individual competition)#music being a core part of that work in shanties (UGH SHANTIES. love me a good call and response)#but these thoughts are more “ideals” than “i literally want to be one right now down to everything they do” obv#all this yammering to say that i hold the Cowboy and Sailor very close to my heart.#(despite this blog being called parchmentknight ummmmmm dont mind that. it just sounded cool ok)#cowboysona and sailorsona when#rivera writes#rivera lore
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...
#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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It’s so easy to criticize someone who takes risks if you never do. The safe route keeps you … safe. Lol
Someone who never is vulnerable or has less survival situations they’ve been through or big mistakes that they’ve made, the easier they feel that they can criticize you for what you’ve done or how you handle the problems in your life. Sympathy and empathy are not the same things. Sympathy is when you can recognize someone else’s pain and feel pity for them but don’t necessarily understand from your own lived experiences, empathy is the desire to 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 their pain, whether it’s a shared experience or not.
When you’ve been through some shit, you can usually recognize when someone else hasn’t or hasn’t in the way you have. I’m not trying to compare traumas or do the Trauma Olympics lol but I think it’s fair to say that you at the very least can tell through questions or even just noticing their reactions to gather that they haven’t been though what you have. Like, I’ve never fought in a war. Do I understand what that does to a human being? No, not really. I can try to sympathize and empathize with them, I can try to learn more but I can’t feel what they’ve felt. I can’t be where they’ve been, and I wouldn’t want to.
All this to say basically, don’t expect someone who’s never walked in your shoes to understand what that feels like. That’s okay, they don’t have to. Just get a really good filter for people who want to shame you and who want to understand you.
#my thoughts#again#more just a stream of consciousness#but I needed to do some journaling today and I want to have a typed version#that I can go back to vs flipping through my journals madly trying to find where I wrote it lol#introspection hurts#perceived rejection hurts#but I’m gathering the tools in my toolbox to be able to handle it all#I’m going to make it out of this winter.#I will feel the warm breeze and the sun on my skin#im going to make it out#I’m going to survive my life#I’m not gonna let the world win#this is my only life on this earth#and I WILL make it an enjoyable one or die trying#all I know is I can’t live this way ever again#no one has power over my brain except for me#and if I decided to not commit suicide and I make the choice everyday to keep breathing it must be worth it#all of this has to matter#I can’t go through all of this for nothing#my dad wouldn’t appreciate that.
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My dumbass brain…. I can not read sleep token fic (I still try) but by gosh do I have a magnum opus of a fic I could write for them.
#very much so#so you see I have this story idea I’ve wanted to write as a fic for YEARS I’m talkin at least 6 but I’ve never had the right fandom for it#and it’s this idea where the gods have this like not school but castle where their followers can gather and they can learn more magic thee#and worship their gods and also just be close to each other and the gods come and go and have like apartments there basically#and the gods have assistants. and the og idea (I’m gonna change it around a bit) is that the god if death her assistant/head follow is the#reincarnated soul mate of the god of life/the sun. but the sun god doesn’t want his souls mate because his soul mates first life ended#because of him.#now obviously I’d change it around a bit and sun god would be sleep and maybe Vessel would still be sleeps ‘head follower’ and Vesse is#still keeping the fact that he’s sleeps soul mate a secret (cause that’s part of it it’s all hush hush on the mc’s end of things)#but it’s almost… to perfect… so I might. have to write it…..#and ofc the other vessels get included now#for one thing in the og story part of mc’s powers are sex related and he had many many partners#so I have to include that any way but like it’s all fitting A Bit Too Well#sleep token#for blacklist#it’s so low in the list of tags it hopefully won’t show up in the main tag but if it does I’m So Sorry be lol#i uhh. don’t know when l write this tbh#I want to but I also wanna finish writing my giant af Dune fic#and I have a couple others I wanna work on too so we’ll see#this got rambly af sorry to ANYONE who reads this lmao#also I didn’t even tap into the plot lol#so many misspelled things cause it’s 12:23 and I tired af
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