#also ties into how jess literally is the only side character that is also a Main Character. in this show.

[butchjess]

Well. hrm. the way they all connect to each other. like it’s all starting to look like a circle of some sort. jess as rory’s mirror/reflection/narrative foil but also jess as he pertains to luke and jess as he pertains to lorelai. luke breaking the church bells luke who says he was troubled but they gave him a chance and just bc a kid has issues doesnt mean they don’t deserve that. luke who is a figure placed against the rest of the town, just in the sense that he is not like them, he does not hold their values, he doesn’t even sound like them. which is of course a result of scott patterson’s new york accent, but adds to this theme anyway. and they use jess to build this picture, because they walk the same and talk the same and they’re stubborn—independent to a near self-endangering degree—and emotionally repressed in the same way and luke himself admits that he spent more time working at his dad’s shop than he did at school, which jess also does. but jess and luke are also. very very different when you get past these similar values that are maybe ingrained into them through different circumstances and same genetic makeup. and in their differences you get a lot of jess and lorelai’s similarities. when it comes to their family dynamics and how it’s affected them in particular. it’s made them independent yes, but it’s also made them hypervigilant, almost paranoid in the way they are allergic to accepting help and especially accepting help from the people who hurt them. jess only goes to his mother’s wedding because luke asks him to, lorelai only asks her parents for money because rory needs it for school. and they, and this is where they differ from luke, don’t know how to trust people and so they don’t know how to talk to people. where luke’s particular brand of emotional constipation comes from a general cluelessness as to how to do it—which is why the tapes helped him so much—lorelai and jess’ come from emotional responses to the situations they grew up in. while it was different—lorelai growing up rich, jess growing up poor—the effect it had on them still resulted in something similar. lorelai with her overbearing manipulative mother and (emotionally) absent father, and jess with his neglecting manipulative mother and (in all senses of the word) absent father. the ways that, despite their effort to distance themselves, they still end up with similar mannerisms to the parent they have the most conflict with (lorelai and her controlling nature + that scene where they have the same nighttime routine, jess and his love for books + tendency to run away). and of course, their romanticism. their big confessions and period drama-esque speeches and, yeah, i do think in a way jess was asking rory to marry him in 4x21. come with me. let’s get married. luke and rory both being the most important people in their lives. literati+javajunkie where they are all melding into each other, and luke is rory and lorelai is jess but on the surface level dynamic luke is jess and lorelai is rory and they are all each other. on accident. by sheer nature of making jess as a character for the sole purpose of interfering with luke and lorelai’s relationship (which means he is important narratively to them both) and by making him rory’s love interest/foil (because ASP casted him before she even had the idea for the character) you have now made an accidental blending of them all together. he is like a skeleton key of a character. Okay. okay.

[cucumberteapot]

Individual Expression in Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse and the trilogy's introductions:

So knowing what we do about the other protagonists of the Spider-verse films and the narrative format of characters introducing themselves and other characters, I think BTSV will open with Miles G Morales introducing himself as the Prowler and Earth-42. Not only keeping with the tone of the first film, but also emphasising the theme of "Beyond" the Spider-verse. It only makes sense that we open on a character who isn't Spider-man - even though they should've been.

But what exactly would that opening / introduction look like? Well, first we'd have to examine how our other protagonists have opened the previous films.

When we first meet Miles, he's colouring some stickers, and later, we see one of his hobbies is slapping those stickers around New York. We later learn his dad knows about this and disapproves, so instead, Miles bonds over his artistic expression with his Uncle Aaron. By the end of ITSV, Miles paints a mural for Aaron with his dad but he keeps making stickers, most notably on the clock tower because it's somewhere his dad won't find it (and doesn't know he's Spider-man).

Gwen opens ATSV by drumming and saying she, "didn't join a band to talk about my feelings, I joined a band to hit my feelings with sticks". She also talks about never finding the right band. When she meets Miguel and Jess, her mind flashes to drumming because she thinks she's found her band, and by the end she decides instead of joining a band she just make her own by siding with the people who want to save Miles.

In both films we see this is how these protagonists leave a mark on their environment. It's how they want to live with "no expectations" like ITSV implicates through Miles and Aaron's mural.

Gwen's drumming is a cry to be heard, and her dad quits the police force after listening halfway through her speech.

Miles' stickers are a cry to be seen, and reveals his identity to Rio before showing her his graffitied Spider-man icon (even though it backfires).

It's not just an artistic expression it's also in the way they do their hobbies - Gwen hits her drums, Miles slaps stickers...

So what is Miles G Morales' cry?

Ever since ITSV, Aaron's punching bag has become a subject of interest. When we first see it, Miles is playfully punching it - Aaron even holds it steady for him.

Later on, we see Miles tie up Peter B. Parker on it, and this scene is later paralleled with how Miles G Morales ties up Miles in ATSV. This works because it shows us how like Peter in the first film, Miles is now the Spider-man in the wrong dimension and how the tragedy of this Miles has gone from a likewise bright-eyed, clumsy awkward kid to a hardened but equally lost teenager. Finally, in both scenes, Miles and Peter make an attempt to break free of their bonds.

As unfortunate as it is, I don't think we're going to see an updated version of the 2020 test movement in the next film. Even though it looks amazing, that was a character exploration and not actually supposed to be in the final cut of the film.

Aaron punches the bag when Miles believes he doesn't want to be the Prowler. And that may be true. But either way, Aaron views the Prowler identity as a necessity to the stability and protection of his and Miles G's family.

But Miles doesn't understand that. At least not yet.

For Miles, the Prowler was an unstoppable force of nature that literally hunted him until Aaron unmasked himself and was so entangled in Kingpin's schemes that it got him killed. But in Earth-42, Aaron and Miles G are "the only heroes in that dimension" according to the artbook. Both Miles and Miles G are products of their environment, but that doesn't mean either is more or less heroic than the other. They're just operating on literally different timeframes.

And that's why Aaron punches the bag, and its why Miles G puts his fist near Miles' head because they want Miles to understand that no, the Prowler identity is not a corrupt alternative to the Spider-man identity based on preconceived misconceptions. Without much evidence, we believed Miguel was a "good guy" based on his identity as a Spider-person. Why can't the inverted case be applied to Miles G and Aaron?

This is why I feel like in the next film, Miles G's "Let's do this one last time" will be him training with the punching bag before Miles comes to Earth-42. Not too dissimilar from Jinx's boxing-machine scene from Arcane minus Jinx's psyche, but a scene intersecting with current and past events. Like with Miles and Gwen, Miles G training with the bag is his own cry for "no expectations" of being labelled a hero or villain.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

🔥 anything tsc related

the biggest problem with Queen of Air and Darkness to me is that it really should have been two books. I really enjoy the grief exploration in that book in the wake of Livvy’s death felt cathartic to me on reread and I find Julian’s switch-off arc in relation to that fascinating. I enjoy Thule in terms of how it ties into the main arc with the blackthorns although I’m not crazy about the twp set ups from it. Basically there’s quite a bit in that book I do like but as a finale it’s rushed and disappointing. I also do think either Julian or Emma or both dying would have made the ending slay and I say this as someone who clearly looooves them both and Blackstairs (considering how much I love blackstairs as it is think I would be even more insane about it if we got full tragic potential realized).

Grace x Lucie is thee toxic yuri dynamic in tsc and I think ya’ll are cowards for not paying attention to it. Literally the only reason I would reread tlh is to write fic about them ChoI era because someone should.

on a related note Lucie Herondale reads as a lesbian to me, she says at one point she’s never been attracted to a boy other than Jesse who is kind of a phantom she can make into whatever she wants / project storybook romance tropes onto in a sense for most of the books and she reads as more attracted to Cordelia with the whole ‘Beautiful Cordelia’ fanfiction and like I said her most interesting dynamic with the most chemistry is her and Grace, so yeah I get comp het vibes personally I know that’s my subjective read.

I’m pretty neutral on Clary sometimes I really liked her sometimes I was frustrated by her but I do think this counts as unpopular since most either hate or love her. I do think she falls into the 2010s heroine who is written to have an overly romantically focused arc but all her interesting bits of characterization are about tangential platonic dynamics that the author doesn’t care to elaborate on much… but also this could be an ungenerous or overly generous assessment since it’s been years since I touched og tmi. I do side eye some people for giving Jace a lot of grace to be ‘complex’ and process his trauma and be dismissive of how much she goes through in the books ( I kind of hate Jace. without nuance)

I think I deserve one on one Tessa and Julian interactions in twp, not for any logical reason I just think I deserve it since they’re my two favorite tsc characters. And there’s a lot of fan service in recent tsc anyway… let me have this.

Kieran is overrated I don’t dislike him and enjoy him in the context of Kierarktina and as a foil to Julian, but I don’t fervently love him the way a lot of people do. (I also really disliked his fandom when the tda books were coming out so that might influence this).

I want Thule! Emma to come into play in twp … I’m very interested in the idea of her in the aftermath of Thule Julian and Sebastian’s deaths. I had an idea for a fic about her but didn’t write it partly because of laziness partly because I felt I’d have to go back to tmi to remember endarkened lore for that.

Grace Blackthorn discourse was kind of unserious… not because I don’t think people can have valid reasons to dislike her obviously those exist. What she did to James was sexual assault and of course fans who hate her for it are valid. But I COULD NOT with some of statements about her especially on twitter that were like ‘well if she was a Male Character ya’ll would never forgive her and she would never get a redemption arc she only does cause she’s a pretty white girl’ like GORL. GORL what universe are you living in what paranormal/fantasy media do you consume and engage in fandoms for if you think that a male character who does a nebulous magical consent violation is going to get Less grace (no pun intended) from the narrative and fandom than a female character and would NEVER get a redemption arc. I can’t even ya’ll are dumb. If I’m being really generous maybe they just don’t read/watch a lot of paranormal media other than tsc because otherwise I…

Thanks for the ask <3

(send me a 🔥+topic/fandom and I’ll give some unpopular opinions)

[blubushie]

leafanon here! for the ask game: literally do all of them. coward.

Oi! Be a little nicer to me leafanon, I’m sensitive!

1: Who is/are your comfort characters?

Look at my blog, mate. Have a guess.

It’s Jesse and Mundy. Both of them. At the same time. 25% Jesse, 75% Mundy.

2: Lighter or matches?

Lighter! I’ve got two. Both are Zippos. My first ever lighter I bought was this one because I liked the colour and design. The one I currently use is this one but I have “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the evilest son of a bitch in the valley” engraved on the back. It’s the same thing my dad had engraved on his lighter in Vietnam. On the lid it says “If you wanna root smile when you give this lighter back” because I thought it was funny. It hasn’t worked yet but that’s only because no one’s asked me for a light.

3: Do you leave the window open at night?

I can’t sleep unless it’s open.

4: Which cryptid do you believe in?

Unironically most of them. I am convinced of the existence of the Loch Ness Monster, I’m convinced of sasquatch from personal experience, I have personally seen a yahoo, I’ve met ghosts, and I’ve seen UFOs. I believe that there’s creatures in Kakadu that are still Dreaming. I think the chupacabra is a coyote/fox with mange but I am convinced that it does exist. THERE ARE PANTHERS IN THE BLUE MOUNTAINS.

5: What colour are your eyes?                                  

Blue-grey. Blue in sunlight, grey indoors. Colour depends on how much light they’re getting.

6: Why did you do that?

Because I wanted to.

7: Hair-ties or scrunchies?

Only ever grew my hair out once where it was long enough to need tying up and even then I rarely tied it up, but ties. They’re versatile.

8: How many water bottles are in your room right now?

One. Both of my canteens are in Matilda.

9: Which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

Hot. I don’t trust people what drink cold coffee. You psychos scare me.

10: Would you slaughter the rich?

I don’t really do politics.

11: Favourite extracurricular activity?

Bushwalking. Hunting. Fishing. Writing.

12: What kind of day is it?

A really nice one. It’s night now but the frogs are croaking away outside with the crickets. Sky’s clear.

13: When was the last time you ate?

About an hour ago. Make one of those instant pasta meals.

14: Do you love the smell of the earth after it rains?

YES.

15: Are you a parent?

I have Misty. She definitely makes me feel like I'm parenting a toddler.

16: Can you drive?

I’m an excellent driver.

17: Are you farsighted or nearsighted?

Only slightly nearsighted. It’s not enough where it really has any effect, and I don’t have to wear glasses or anything. My vision is practically 20/20.

18: What hair products do you use?

Dog shampoo and the Sheila hates me for it. On the plus side it leaves me smelling nice and I don’t have fleas. It’s also a bonus because I can bathe Misty at the same time I bathe myself, which is how it all started anyway (she just HAD to pull me into the tub). Usually I’m doing spongebaths or bathing in rivers without any soap (I’m not going to fuck up an ecosystem just because I want to smell nice) but when I do find a hotel that takes animals or when I’m here in California, out comes the dog shampoo. I use TropiClean now. Smells like citrus.

19: Imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

I haven’t painted anything in years and I’ve never painted anyone’s nails, but I’ve got a very steady hand so I reckon I could try.

20: Do you say soda or pop?

Neither. Fizz. It’s fizzy drink.

21: What’s something you’ve kept since childhood?

My stuffed bear. His name is Mr Bear because I wasn’t a very creative 2-year-old when I named him. I’ve had him since I was a baby.

22: What kind of person are you?

The… people kind? Scratch that. The cryptid kind. There’s at least two towns in Australia what have folklore about a ghost accompanied with a dog and a rifle slung across his shoulders. The amount of times I’d taken the piss out of people making that story come true is hilarious to me (and one of them is a story that originated within the past two years so I might actually be responsible for that one. Oops.)

23: How do you feel about chilly weather?

I don’t mind it at all. My area of California routinely gets frosts and hail (but never snow). Rural California taught me to tolerate cold, Australia taught me to tolerate heat.

24: If we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

Drinking beer and stargazing. There’s literally no other reason for being on a rooftop, unless some assassin shit is going down, in which case I wouldn’t bring you with me because no witnesses.

25: Perfume/body spray or lotion?

Neither. My only fragrance is Hoppe’s #9, tobacco, and campfire smoke clinging to my clothes.

26: A scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

First time the Sheila read my fic and she gave me her thoughts on it. I go back and re-read that at least once a week. I live for it and sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me writing.

Also just talking to people in general. I sit in Matilda and rehearse what I’m going to say for minutes before I actually go into the servo to get something. I always have a plan.

27: About how many hours of sleep do you get?

Usually anywhere from six to nine but I can run off 20-minute catnaps every few hours if needed for about 3 days before I need at least an hour of uninterrupted sleep (yes I’ve tested this).

28: Do you wear a mask?

I’m not around people. Ever. I wore a mask to my allergist the other day though. Unless it's required I'm not wearing one.

29: How do you like your shower water?

Cold. Hot is a luxury I can’t get used to.

30: Is there dishes in your room?

No. I always do my washing up immediately after eating. Handwash, hand dry, put them away.

31: What kind of music keeps you grounded?

Country.

32: Do you have a favourite towel?

No. Do people normally have favourite towels?

33: The last adventure you’ve been on?

Hunting in WA.

34: Is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Waltzing Matilda. Also And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda. Also Give Me a Home Among the Gumtrees.

35: What’s your timezone?

Right now? PDT.

36: How many times have you changed your URL?

I’ve only ever had one account before this (back when I was around 12) and lost the password. I’ve never changed this one’s URL since I made it.

37: Who is someone in your life (besides a relative) that you’ve known for 10+ years?

My rifle.

38: What’s a soap bar that smells good?

All of them? Reckon that’s the point of soap.

39: Do you use lip balm?

Like chapstick? No because I’m not a sook. Let your dehydrated lips crack and bleed like a real man.

40: Did you have any snacks today?

No.

41: How do you like your coffee?

Black as my soul. Really though, I like it black. No milk, no sugar.

42: What’s an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken website?

None. I have a Twitter but I only follow artists on there and I never use it.

43: What’s your take on spicy foods?

I don’t like spice. Burns my tongue. I’ll leave that to the ethanol.

44: You get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

Fuck off, FBI.

45: Can you remember what happened yesterday?

I went to the allergist, came home, took Misty for a long walk, made dinner, finished up a scene for chapter 11 and then got some paragraphs in for the next scene where Jesse is lusting after Mundy because he’s hot and then the Sheila and I spent twenty minutes sharing in communal brainrot over it.

46: Favourite holiday film?

Somewhere between Polar Express and A Christmas Story.

47: What was the last message you sent?

“Defo been hitting that gym,” referring to Ganondorf in Tears of the Kingdom.

48: When did you first try an alcoholic beverage?

Helped dad and a neighbour muster cattle all day, I was fucking exhausted, covered in sweat, and we lounged around in the shade of an oak tree like a couple of cowhands as we watched the cattle graze. The neighbour’s boy showed up with a few beers in his saddlebags. All four of us shared them. Neighbour’s boy was 17. I was 15. I earned that beer. On that note, I learnt to make screwdrivers when I was 10. I make a damn good screwdriver.

49: Can you skip rocks?

Excellently.

50: Can I tag you in random stuff?

Of course! I love being tagged in things. Bonus points for anything related to Sniper, Australia, or animals.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Sorry but what exactly is up with the bad batch arc? I've heard people talk about the issues with echo's white skin but I haven't heard that many bad things about the arc itself? (ik you said you don't want to be negative on your blog so I would absolutely understand if you didn't answer this ask)

Oooooooooooh boy. Well I just had a long, long, LONG rant about it with someone, but I guess I’ve got an excuse to put all of my points onto a post and talk about it publicly now that I got an ask x) I’ll keep it under the cut so I don’t throw my salt in people’s face. I really don’t want to upset people who love that arc - it has redeeming qualities, but overall it pisses me off so much for so many reasons. So here:

The first issue is obviously two members of the Bad Batch (minus Echo) being being just about the furthest thing from maori no matter how much you're willing to stretch it. 

Like... yeah, nah. I wouldn’t even accept Crosshair and Tech (grey haired guy and goggles guy) as Jango’s natural biological sons, nevermind as his clones. 

The problem is that their different appearances are justified by them being described simply as clones with desirable mutations (i.e superpowers). But why the hell did the creators have to change their appearances for that to be a thing? How does that correlate? Sure, the concept of clones with different faces is interesting, except... no, no it’s not, and I’m gonna rant about it in a few secs. But basically it's like they thought giving them different faces would be a good substitute for having different personalities (another thing I’ll come back to). If they really wanted to have buff clones with super eyesight or whatnot they could have just done that, without making them lose what little melanin the lighting of the show had allowed the other Clones to keep. 

But the gigantic problem is... showing that the "regular" clones have VERY distinct identities despite their identical faces has been one of the themes of the show from episode 1. Literally, the first episode of TCW has Yoda taking time out of a mission with galactic stakes to tell the three clones he’s with (who tell him they’re all the same because they have the same faces) that they’re wrong, and that they’re very different in the Force, that their appearance doesn’t matter, that they’re all equally unique and important, and he lists all of their individual skills, strengths and weaknesses. 

And it’s not just me being bothered by that, here’s a post by @cacodaemonia​ saying the same thing. 

Introducing the Bad Batch as "unique" clones who are "different" and "not like their brothers" because they have different faces and skills completely breaks that theme of the show!! Because the entire point of the Clones in TCW is that their faces don't matter, they ARE unique! 

(Plus the Bad Batch’s character designs are so cliche and uninspired it’s just laughable to try and justify bleaching their freaking skin for the sake of visual diversity. 

This took like 10 seconds. I found the first guy by literally googling “soldier movies,” and the other two are Team Fortress characters that look a LOT like Wrecker and Crosshair. One is “Heavy” and one is “Sniper” lmao.

And behold:

The above picture is a Team Fortress reference that I found just by looking up “bad batch clone wars,” so I’m not the only person who sees it.) 

And the batchers don't even have personalities to justify calling them unique! They have no character traits beyond the most cliché american soldier tropes ever. We have a token loner sniper, a token "smart tech guy" who knows everything from xenoanthropology to biology to Separatist computers to sound waves to encryption, a token Badass Brooding Leader and a token “dumb muscle guy.”

I dare anyone to find more about their personalities than this: - Crosshair is the perpetually grumpy sniper who looks down on "regs,” - Wrecker likes to blow up stuff and doesn't like heights, - Hunter is the leader and is friends with Cody, - Tech is smart doesn't trust Echo. 

That’s it, that’s literally it. Four episodes about them and that's all we get. These character tropes are literally the least inventive ever. FFS, Hunter even has a freaking KNIFE! Not a vibroblade, mind you, like in kriffing Star Wars. A knife. Against metal droids. Why. They couldn’t make this more of an american-war-movies cliché fest if they tried. (And sure, he can feel electromagnetic waves so maybe it does make sense for him not to carry a vibroblade and maybe this is nitpicking, but he looks like a ripoff of a Predator character and it pisses me off).

Another thing is that when you introduce characters you have to make them likable - and them despising the normal Clones is a terrible way to do that! And they don't even grow from that because at the end of the 4 episodes arc they just see Rex as not bad "for a reg" and they see Echo as no longer a reg, and both of these things are infuriating! 

The worst thing imo is that Echo then becomes part of them (and irreparably loses his melanin in the process, uuuuuuuuugh) when there is nothing to justify this. 

The dialogue goes like this: 

ECHO: You coming? TECH: Not really our thing. CROSSHAIR: Accolades. WRECKER: Yeah, we're just in it for the thrill. Yo! HUNTER: You sure it's your thing? ECHO: What do you mean? HUNTER: Your path is different. Like ours. If you ever feel like you don't fit in with them, well, find us. (they leave) REX: Those are some of the finest troopers I've ever fought alongside. Echo. You and I go way back. If that's where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong.

Echo doesn't feel like he belongs anymore, okay, but why would he feel like he belongs with the assholes who up to the last five minutes of the mission thought he was probably a traitor, and also verbally expressed that he was not worth saving?? In all of the arc, Echo himself never voices that he feels he’s not ‘like the other Clones’ anymore and that he feels it’s a problem. His relationship with Rex immediately picks up where they left things off - the first thing he does upon being lucid again for the first in over a year is cracking a joke for Rex’s benefit. 

Why would Echo feel like he doesn’t belong in the 501st anymore, when we don't even see him interacting with anyone from his past life except for Rex and Anakin (who are both extremely very supportive of him)?? If there had been one scene of a “regular” Clone (ugh) looking at him with horror and disgust or something, or just Kix and Jesse cracking jokes with Echo awkwardly standing by the side not getting it, I could forgive the show trying to make it feel like he has an identity crisis, but this was so shallow!

The only thing that makes Echo and the Bad Batch’s experiences similar is that they *look* different. It’s so against the themes of the Clones I’m seething just from thinking about it. And what the hell? Echo ALREADY didn’t fit in. That was the WHOLE POINT of Domino Squad. They didn’t fit in because they thought they were better than anyone else because they had trouble getting along with their brothers, so obviously it had to be their brothers’ fault (ahem, Bad Batch?). And you know what happened? Domino Squad OVERCAME that. And Echo and Fives still didn’t “fit in” because their personalities were unique and creative, and they became ARC Troopers because Cody, Rex and the Jedi VALUED THEM FOR PRECISELY THAT. Echo having new and unique skills and a modified appearance is the most bs justification for him feeling like he doesn’t belong!! 

And that brings me to my biggest issue: Rex telling Echo the bad batch are some of the best troopers he's ever met. I'm sorry, based on WHAT? What Rex values above everything is loyalty and brotherhood, and the Bad Batch DOESN'T DISPLAY ANY OF THAT. We never see them even expressing concern for each other! Wrecker treats saving Cody’s life like a trivial issue, because it’s just ‘sO eAsY’ for him, and beyond that we never see them supporting each other or genuinely expressing affection for each other beyond boasting about each other’s skills... 

Sure they can destroy a lot of droids, but they're dismissive of Rex's brothers, and the entire Umbara arc and this arc showed what he thought of that. They keep saying things like "not bad for a reg,” don't show any trust in Rex's skills or experience (even though they can't have been fighting in the war for more than a year and a half when he’s been there from the beginning, and he outranks all of them), they are essentially guerilla fighters which has only minimal value in a galactic war, and they never grow beyond their views of what regs are, and can and can’t do. 

None of that should make them good troopers in Rex's book. Going back to Echo not fitting in, remember who taught the Domino Squad the importance of seeing all of your brothers as important and equally valuable? Shaak Ti, true, but more importantly? 99! The guy the Bad Batch are named after. He did have value and was important and was no less of a trooper than his brothers, even though his mutations made him LESS powerful, not more. (And btw, just from a writing standpoint, the batchers don’t have any weaknesses, which is shit.) Cody and Rex mourned 99 as a true soldier even though it wasn’t his sacrifice that brought them victory (which would have implied that he had value as a soldier and a brother because he saved them, as opposed to him having that value intrinsically), because that’s what a fine trooper is to them. A BROTHER first a foremost, someone altruistic, brave and loyal. The Bad Batch distort the meaning of 99's character with their behavior. They’re not altruistic, their bravery is mitigated by the fact that they’re freaking invincible, so of course they take risks (again, see Wrecker saving Cody without a care because it’s easy to him, as opposed to Rex being ready to run into a burning ship about to explode because his brother is in there, and having to be physically dragged away). The Bad Batch denigrate their brothers for being less skilled, thinking their own abilities make them unique somehow, when 99 could barely fight and was still the one who taught Hevy about being a good soldier. 

And again the batchers don't grow from that. Which is all the more frustrating because the original ending didn’t have Echo joining them, from what I remember of the unfinished episodes, and the arc actually ended with them receiving their medals in front of regular troopers who cheer for them, as opposed to them smugly ostracizing themselves and dismissing the ceremony as trivial and meaningless. (original ending vs s7 ending: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab1eCfzKamw) 

It’s so annoying. Do you know what characters never had an entire arc dedicated to them and still have far more personality and more interesting designs and more symbolic weight?? 

Jesse, for starters. Kix. Dogma. Cut. Slick. Keeli. Ponds. Rys, Jek and Thire. Commander Doom. Commander Fox. Wolffe. Hevy. Hardcase. 

Cody was a more interesting character just in his RotS appearances. 

Waxer and Boil had one episode about them and then only two cameos plus Waxer’s death, and they’re still some of the most memorable, beloved Clones of the whole show. And Boil was grouchy and prejudiced like Crosshair, but he has so much growth that we could make a whole thread about it. 

I'd say the last problem with the Bad Batch is that it has cash grabbing money hungry vibes. Different faces are more marketable, cliché personalities are more toy-friendly, and it's basically a big ad for the Bad Batch series. And they throw Echo in the Batch at the end for bs reasons (again, it wasn’t in the original ep from what I remember) and they tease Cody in the show to make sure fans will still watch even if they notice the lack of soul. And less melanin sells more at Disney apparently. 

So that’s my whole pissed rant. 

[anxiouspotatorants]

So @johermione and @stellaluna33 have been having this really cool discussion about comparing Jess Mariano with Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, and they got into the topic of Loki/e, the Norse god most famously depicted in the MCU. And while I’m not an MCU fan (I’m not anti MCU, but I’m not exactly fond of their depiction of Norse mythology either.... that’s not the point though), I do want to throw in my two cents about comparing Jess to Loke from Norse mythology!

(Quick disclaimer before I start: there is very little written records from the time of exactly what Scandinavians believed in during the Viking age and how they practiced their belief. Like, astoundingly little (oral culture over written yada yada it’s a long story). And the little we do have isn’t 100% reliable either (just look at any historian debating about the validity of Snorre Sturlason’s works... or which gods are actually just aliases of each others and which aren’t) So take everything I say and every interpretation I make with a huge grain of salt... also! I’m writing anything from Norse mythology and poor Snorre’s name in modern Norwegian-ish spelling because I’m lazy :P)

For those who need a refresher, Loke is a god from Norse mythology whose alliances are sort of flimsy. He is of Jotunætt (aka of the Jotuns) but considered to be part of the Æsegods. He can be defined as a trickster god who often gets the other gods in trouble, but also helps them out a lot (except for when he doesn’t). He’s a shapeshifter who can switch species and gender, and has both fathered and mothered various creatures and gods (Sleipnir, Hel, Fenris, the Midgardsorm). He tends to cause the other gods a lot of grief (like when he cut Siv’s hair against her wishes) and even crashes a party once to offend every god he can until Tor threatens him away, but what finally severs his ties to the gods is the death of Balder (long story short he tricks Balder’s blind brother Hod into shooting Balder with an arrow that kills him. When Hel only agrees to let Balder return to Åsgard on the condition that every living being weeps for him, Loke shapeshifts into an old crone and refuses to cry). He flees for a while, is then captured, and in Ragnarok he’s going to lead the army against the gods only to die in combat with Heimdall. 

Now one important thing I have to explain that is crucial to understanding both the mythology and this meta about a Gilmore Girls character, is that Norse Mythology doesn’t really operate on black and white morality. The Jotner are not inherently evil, but rather foils to the gods and competition. If the gods represent order the Jotner are chaos. But the two main groups are also tightly connected, both narratively and literally. Several gods, like Loke and possibly Tor (info on Fjorgyn/Jord is scarce), are related to Jotner or at least part Jotun themselves. Frøy, god of autumn, prosperity and fertility, marries a Jotun woman. And many of the male Jotner desire his sister Frøya. It’s also worth noting that the gods and Jotner have different factions within themselves and are also just some of several species. For example, the gods themselves are split at least between the Æsegods and the Vanegods, who actually fight for ages until the Æsegods win, and Vanegods like Frøy, Frøya and Njord are taken into the clan. Basically, all of this needs to be said so that you understand that just because Loke ends up on the side against the gods, doesn’t mean he is pure evil. And the gods aren’t secret villains either. To quote Rachel Bloom: “The situation is a lot more nuanced than that.”

So what does any of this have to do with a 2000s romcom tv character? Not a lot actually. I think it’s fair to say that there’s little point in speculating whether Loke would see himself in Jess Mariano. He’s a literal god, he has other things to deal with, and also I don’t think I have the gall to assume what he would think or feel. But that doesn’t mean Jess wouldn’t see himself in Loke. So hear me out:

When Jess arrives to Stars Hollow, he’s instantly branded as an outsider and a threat. The townies don’t like him, his motivations are constantly questioned, and every f**k up he makes is held over his head like a proof of his deviousness. And hell, why try to be anything else? He’s a crafty kid, and he’s never been one for order anyway. So why not put a chalkboard outline of a dead body outside Taylor’s market? Why not steal the school’s 500 baseballs? Why not rile up that cute girl’s boyfriend just to see how much steam he can get out of those ears?

Now imagine this Jess, teenage dirtbag Jess, coming across an English translation of the Prose Edda or the Poetic Edda. Imagine that boy reading these stories, of gods who fight and love and make stupid bets and dress up as the opposite gender to get their hammer back and are just generally pretty messy and entertaining but also dark and violent. Who would that boy relate to? The thunder god with a loving wife, magical tools and his very own hall? The golden boy son of rulers, described as sweet and kind and fragile and loved and mourned by almost every creature in existence? The symbol of fertility and success, the very essence of desire, a ruler of his own realm and a man of peace? 

Or does he relate to the asshole outsider who always gets people into trouble, never gets credit for fixing things, and is kind of creative as f**k?

Jess might not relate to Loke as a diety, but he sure as hell might feel like people have cast him in the role of Loke. And narratively it does check out. Jess did screw up and end up having to patch things up (the car crash, the love triangle, Luke drama). His efforts to improve are initially dismissed or treated like the least he could do, and one day he does the thing that is just a step too far. Obviously not as far as killing another person and refusing to revive them when given the chance, but far enough in this human small town life to destroy his ties to Rory, Luke and Stars Hollow. His existence also has this lingering effect on the narrative that mirrors Loke. As mentioned, Loke parents a lot of creatures, and while some (Sleipnir) serve the gods well, most of them become future enemies in some way. Hel refuses to let Balder go and rules what is considered the ‘crappy’ place for dead people, Fenris is prophesised to kill Odin in Ragnarok (a fate that is sealed when Odin decides to chain down Fenris) and the Midgardsorm is- like, the Midgardsorm. It’s a giant snake swimming around Earth eating anyone who goes over the edge and has to be defeated by Tor in Ragnarok. And again, obviously Jess’ actions don’t have nearly as colossal consequences as this, but he does become this ghost to the season 4 narrative with what he did in season 3 and his current absence. He becomes this unnamed boogeyman who haunts Rory’s romantic narrative and reminds Luke of his failings, and every time he does show up he leaves things even messier than he found them. 

But just like the mythology Loke belongs to, Jess’ situations are a lot more nuanced than that. Obviously he’s not the only one causing trouble (two good examples of this in the mythology are the bet in Gylvaginning and the chaining of Fenris); there’s also Dean and Lorelai and Rory and Luke as well as many others. And what’s important to know about Jess is that he’s not a villain, he’s a teenager. A teenager who might not be part Jotne, but does come from a troubled background. Who isn’t a shapeshifter, but is a bit of a modern day trickster anyway. Who might not have intentionally betrayed his friends and murdered a beloved God, but did cut off his loved ones and consciously antagonise several people of a small town. But where Loke would eventually become the leader of the enemy, trapped in a fate written long before it began, Jess got to grow up. Make amends. Live his life. Be an actual human being because that is what he was. Not a myth.

[lovecolibri]

I saw a beautiful gifset here that parallels the scene at the drive in, and the scene in the finale with Michael talking about walking away. And I now have some feelings.

We didn’t know the full story at the time the episode aired about how exactly Jesse played into Michael and Alex’s trauma but it confuses me that looking back now, people spent this past season (and are still) pointing to this moment to bring up how Alex was “always” walking away and how he needed to let Michael be happy with someone stable like m*ria. ????? 

The drive-in scene is Alex is trying to protect Michael. His dad literally just threatened both of them. Did Alex handle it well? No. He was probably spiraling out in his mind thinking of all the implications of what his dad said. Thinking about the power his dad has to get Michael locked up, and his dad knowing that if Michael goes missing probably no one will care to look too hard for him, and if he turns up dead it can easily be brushed aside as a bar brawl gone wrong. Thinking about the implication that Alex associating with a known criminal while having high-level government security clearance could get him in trouble at work, possibly lose him his security clearance which for a cyber security analyst likely means losing his job, and the implications of that as his health insurance is going to be tied to the military as well. 

Pushing Michael away in a fit of panic may not be a healthy response from Alex, but it's often brought up and treated like Alex is purposefully trying to hurt Michael, instead of Michel being hurt as a byproduct of Alex having a very valid trauma response that he does work to correct by digging into his dad and throwing around his rank to get his dad stationed outside the country to keep Michael safe while he works out a more permanent solution.

In contrast to all of that, Michael's moment in the finale where he says he needs to walk away is portrayed as mature and proof of character growth even though he doesn't actually communicate that (like an adult) to Alex. There is no communication here about what he wants, or what he’s feeling so just like Michael in 1x03, Alex is the one left feeling off-kilter and unwanted by Michael when he sees him walk out. We also see Michael look at Forrest and seeming decide that Forrest is a better choice for Alex than he is, without letting Alex make that decision while knowing Michael could be an option. So Michel is still responding and making decisions driven by his fear of not being enough, so it isn’t really some hugely mature decision, even though c*rina tried to frame it like it was. So Michael gets to be (justifiably) sad and hurt by Alex but (as we saw all season with the m*luca nightmare), Alex isn't allowed to be sad and upset by Michael’s actions. Alex has to be happy and fine when Michael walks away while he’s singing a really emotional love song about Michael and his current feelings about wanting them to start over and try again, reinforcing the idea that it's okay for Michael to do the same thing Alex got vilified for doing. And I think it’s down to how c*rina framed it all, because in both instances, we get to see more of Michael’s side of things and are told more about what he is thinking and feeling. Where in Alex’s case we are mostly left to guess, and extrapolate from the information at hand and the logic of how a character with Alex’s backstory would act, only to be told later that we’re wrong and that Alex is actually just ashamed of Michael because of who Michael is as a person and how he presents himself (because Alex has been shown to give a single flying fuck about that and about what other people think 🙄). 

I don’t know where I was going with this, except that both Alex and Michael have made mistakes and missteps with each other, and and hurt each other unintentionally in trying to save themselves, or in their responses to trauma triggers and immediate threats. Neither one of them is the saint, and neither one is the villain, they are just two flawed people trying to learn how to love each other again. So lets stop pitting them against each other in some kind of game of whose trauma is worse, or who hurt who when, and why. It’s time we stop keeping score, and I really hope season 3 will let Malex actually do that. 

[purplebass]

Blindness and Sight in TLH

Hello everyone!!! As you know, I often like to analyze things which lead to speculations. The irony of this speculation is that it came to me when I was talking to a friend about my “anti-birthday” (your anti-birthday is precisely six months after your birthday). My anti-birthday is on December 13th, which is Saint Lucie’s day, who is also the name of one of our beloved characters in TLH. This theory will not only tackle Lucie’s repercussions after she brought Jesse’s soul back into his body, but also other meanings of the word blind and sight in regards to James and Cordelia and Grace.

The name Lucie means light, and we’ve been told and shown several times how she is bubbly, positive, sunny, and generally has this radiant aura about her and she seems to brighten other people’s lives with her energy. But we are also aware that Lucie is often overlooked despite being so lively, and she has also problems of her own which she didn’t tell anyone of her family. These issues also include finding out that she has a power like her brother James. Her power is tied to the darkness and to death, which is an opposite motif to light and life, which are the superficial traits of our Lucie. 

She can’t just see the ghosts, she can also control the dead, and this power is called mediumship. Lucie is a medium figure, she can come into contact with ghosts, but unlike James and Will, she can do it literally, because she has inherited this skill from her demon grandfather Belial. 

Most of COG and then COI, we’ve seen how Lucie was pictured as the little girl. Not only because of her height. Along with Christopher, Lucie is the youngest character of the group, and at times it almost seems like the others treat her like a child, when she is mature compared to some of the other characters. And they also ignore her (as they also ignore Kit).

Lucie is connected to spirits, hence even her relationship with Jesse, who was himself a spirit, is very spiritual and encompasses that kind of romantic love that transcends time - or, in this case, physicality, since they can barely touch. Lucie then has what we’d call the “sight”, which is the ability to see things other people can’t see. In this case, ghosts. It’s possible she can also see inside their minds, just like she did with Jesse right before she put his soul back into his body. They also say that the eyes are the window of the soul, so when Lucie looked inside Jesse, she also saw his memories from a privileged window.  

I mentioned Saint Lucie, did I? It’s time I explain this theory to you. For those who are not religious nor are Catholic (not only Roman Catholic believe in saints), Saint Lucie is on December 13, which is close to Winter solstice. We know that COI was set in Winter and it was almost Christmas. Weird connection, right? This means that Jesse’s soul was brought back around that time. The Lucie I’m referring to is a specific Saint Lucie, from Syracuse in Italy. She was a martyr of noble origins whose throat was cut by a sword, because she didn’t want to get married to her betrothed and instead gave her wealth to poor people. Another legend narrates that Lucie’s eyes were removed, making her blind. She is, in fact, according to Christianity, the protector of blind people but also authors. All of this to say that it is possible - at least, I’m speculating based on the associations I’m making - that one of the repercussions of Lucie bringing back Jesse’s soul into his body may be blindness or temporary blindness. We also become blind if we stare at a source of light for too long.

I apologize in advance for this theory, but there are signs that may hint to this. The name Lucie is one of them. Like I said, Lucie embeds both light (in her first name but also in her being a shadowhunter, therefore “angelic”) and dark (in her power, but also in her being also part “demon/warlock”). Which means that one of the repercussions for bringing dead = darkness to life = light is a temporary loss of light and sight in herself. This could also not go literal. I mean, Lucie could simply “go dark” and “lose her light” like for example Julian did in TDA, but wouldn’t it be too predictable? The reason why I believe Lucie may suffer the loss of her sight is also because we have other types of blindness in TLH. But wait a second. 

Let me explain first. I said that Lucie and Jesse are a spiritual couple, with a pure and innocent love, which makes them appear very connected to each other that they don’t need the physicality to validate their love. They already trust each other. They know that they love each other, and that’s what matters to them. The quality not the quantity of the time they spend together. So one of their obstacles could be that now that Jesse is alive and in his body and they can finally touch and see each other properly like they’d dreamed (touch in general, I’m not talking about something romantic or sexual here),  it’s Lucie who loses something physical here. Up until the end of Chain of Iron, it was Jesse who lacked physicality because he was a ghost. Now it could be Lucie who lacks her light and can’t even see ghosts, just hear them. Or this will not play out with actual blindness, but we’ll see Lucie in a comatose status or lost in the pit of darkness from where she saved Jesse’s soul, and thanks to the connection Jesse’s last breath may have with James, he could be able to reach out to her and bring her back (just like Cordelia is James’ light and is able to reach out to him when he’s in the shadow realm). So, bottom line, Lucie may become blind (temporary) indirectly because of Jesse and the act she pulled to bring him back. 

I mentioned James and Cordelia because the theme of blindness concerns them too, but in different ways. Where Lucie and Jesse are not blind on their feelings and, on the other hand, embrace them completely when they come, James is under the effect of the gracelet and Cordelia, despite loving James, thinks it’s a one-sided love thus she doesn’t tell him how she feels. By being under the effect of the gracelet, it was like James was blind. He saw Cordelia, felt his longing for her, but there was something blinding in his sight which didn’t let him be honest with the person he loved. We are aware that without the gracelet, James would have already confessed to Cordelia. I looked for the term blind both in Chain of Gold and Chain of Iron, and guess what? In COG, most of the terms blind, blindness, blindly and so on, were referred to James. There is also a specific line that Jem tells James about him being a star who can’t be put out, along with his family, and whoever doesn’t see it is blind. I just love this metaphor of the Herondale family being the light in Jem’s darkness and muteness (which may be another thing pointing to Lucie becoming temporarily blind, although Jem is not mute per se, since he can talk telepathically - but it’s still a traumatic disability). In Greek mythology, Tiresia was a liminal figure like Lucie and they were also blind and could see the underworld.

The cause of James' blindness to his feelings for Cordelia was Grace. 

Little parenthesis on Grace: in COI we find out she was blindfolded when she received her power, which I think it doesn’t just add more material to this analysis, but it also means a few things. She was given a power she didn’t want without her consent, because she was taken there blindfolded, blind. She couldn’t say she didn’t want it, because she had been also manipulated and abused by Tatiana. Grace’s lack of consent doesn’t just connect with her power taking away people’s feelings as well. It also links to Jesse’s body used by Belial without his consent. Jesse was also blindfolded when he woke up after Lucie brought his soul back. Covering the eyes of dead people was a habit that comes from the past. He tears the blindfold away and the first thing he sees is Lucie fainting, her world “blurring at the edges” before everything gets dark. 

When I looked up for the same words in COI, Cordelia was the one linked to blind, blindness et similar. She wasn’t just wondering why she had been so blind about her father’s condition, and about James and his feelings, but also about what Lilith did to her. Cordelia had been deceived, and in her case, blindness is linked to the fact of not noticing the signs that Wayland wasn’t Wayland but Lilith. And Lilith is the mother of all warlocks, and it’s yet another link to James and Lucie’s heritage and being torn between serving the shadowhunters with a sword pledged to a demon. This also plays in Jesse being a shadowhunter but having Belial’s demonic anchor inside of him. 

James and Cordelia’s blindness was played on the feelings’ side. His feelings were obscured by the gracelet and Belial and Tatiana’s wrath, and Cordelia’s heroic feelings were obscured by Lilith’s wrath against James’ grandfather. Their blindness was not literal, and as we saw, their feelings for each other were too strong that they shattered the enchantment on the gracelet. Both of them found out that they had been blind by the end of COI. Grace told James the truth, but Cordelia misinterpreted what she saw (blindness again! Miscommunication, which is also a lack of insight into something). Cordelia, already feeling burdened by Cortana’s corruption, couldn’t help but run away to the alternate reality which was Paris. In COT, Cordelia and James will finally confess their feelings for each other.

Blindness may play out differently for Lucie and Jesse. Since their feelings weren’t blurred by any enchantment, they were able to confess to each other and live their love, albeit for a short period of time. Since Jordelia’s blindness (and subsequent miscommunication, which Blackdale didn’t have because they were the only ones who talked to each other) was metaphorical, spiritual, in opposition, Blackdale’s blindness could be physically debilitating. So like Grace voluntarily provoked James’ metaphorical blindness and masked his real feelings for Cordelia, Jesse could have involuntarily provoked Lucie’s literal blindness. 

I can’t stop thinking about the fact that some of the things that also happened to James could also reflect on Lucie but play out in a different way for her. Like when Grace wants James to run away with her to Gretna Green and get married. James doesn’t want to leave the shadowhunters. Not for Grace, even if he believes he likes her. This could play out for Lucie and Jesse. They might be exiled, or Lucie could decide to leave the shadowhunters and Jesse could follow her, and they become mundanes. 

That’s it! Hope you liked my analysis and speculation. I like to hear your opinion about it, so feel free to write to me in my ask box to talk about it, if you want.

[daydreamreality]

Thinking about actor availability, and how that affects my perception of Jess and how strongly I feel about shipping Literati.

Really thought this would only be a few paragraphs going over the points where Jess could have disappeared never to be seen again, but it turned into a freaking essay so LONG POST warning if you decide to click ahead. 

If the last we saw of Jess was hanging up the phone in the season 3 finale: "Well, it was fun ride while it lasted. That's about how I thought this would end." Still have a lot empathy for this kid and wish him well, but you screwed with Rory's heart like I knew would happen. Was that intentional? No. But he was so immature, out of control with his emotions, zero communication skills, not trusting in others...the list of reasons why he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, even if the feelings were serious, goes on. There was no way Rory wasn't going to end up as collateral damage in his personal breakdown that I could feel was going to happen. And this is the thought I had as a teenager with no dating experience watching this show for the first time. Did I want to date him? Hell no! I could see that trainwreck from a mile away. Rory was naïve to put her heart in his trust but that's part of her good qualities - she's sees the best in people and champions for them. I could go on a tangent about why exactly Jess was such an important character to me when I first watched the show (and probably why he stuck around unconsciously until I decided on a whim to rewatch GG in lockdown) but...I don't know, maybe some other time.

In the context of the entire show, I would look back at the relationship as my favorite one to watch of Rory's in the series (The build-up! The connection! Their deep belief in and respect for each other! The angst!) and Jess being a really fun character to root for (and yell at) but endgame? It was a short lived but important relationship. It’s fun to think about what ifs and how circumstances could have changed to make it work, but we can move on.

The ill-fated spin-off: I have no idea what this show would have been about except focusing on Jess and Jimmy and I’m not about to theorize. I still like Jess at this point so it would probably make me like him more since we’re getting a deeper dive into his character, but in regard to shipping him with Rory, this opinion would not change unless he all of sudden showed some great maturity. But I doubt this show would have even gotten a whole season so that probably wouldn’t happen. And then he’s living in California…this is too much, moving on.

If the last we see of Jess is in season 4: About the same feeling as above. Life, as expected, has not been treating Jess well. At all. His jadedness and hostility is at an all-time high when he shows up to get his car. Do I see the reasons informing his behavior and have empathy (once again, for a KID)? Yes, but he's also being a jerk. "The years don't seem to have hardened you." Well this year sure has!

I love the "I love you" scene but too little too late, buddy. That's probably why I love it, it's all a bit hopeless. Just keep shoveling the angst at me. I do like fics where this scene is reimagined with Rory running after him to give him a piece of her mind or Jess finding some other words to say (I really feel like he had more to say there but got overwhelmed), and coming to a tentative reconciliation: exchanging numbers, "don't fall off the face of the earth," but getting back together? No. You hurt her and you're feeling the consequences. Rory is not obligated or responsible to reciprocate those feelings, nor is she in a place to do that right now. 

But season 4 does cement that Luke and Jess's relationship is one of my favorites in the entire show. There's probably a whole other post in me regarding that so I'll keep it brief. Because of his respect for Luke, Jess makes tentative steps towards maturing in interpersonal relationships. He shows some vulnerability and honesty with a veil of sarcasm and awkwardness because, well, it's JESS.

But then of course this all goes to hell when applied to Rory. Sometimes I like to think how this dorm scene would have gone down if Rory stepped back for a second and went, "Hold on. You're not making any sense, chill out," and they could have talked a bit and had a similar reconciliation like I said above because I really think that’s all he was going for - to talk to her, apologize, and make an attempt at reciprocation like he did with Luke. But getting back together here? Canonically, he hasn't made enough progress. He set aside his personal feelings to be in his mother's wedding and used the knowledge from the self-help book to apologize to Luke, but I don't think the book's message has sunk in all the way yet and he’s still got a massive chip on his shoulder preventing him from making a good life for himself. Getting rejected by Rory here is an important moment and I really like it. It's fun to think about the AU if Rory had said yes (hello road trip!), but it's very in-character for her to not be able to handle Jess's crisis and just shouting "NO, make it stop." This is one of my proudest of Rory moments: Protect your heart girl, he ain't ready. The seeds have been planted that Jess will continue to grow and I wish him well on his journey. Endgame material? Nah. Goodbye forever, take care my friend...

Even though this scene doesn't feel like closure at all, I really thought this was the end of Jess Mariano. So imagine my surprise when -

SEASON 6: HE'S BACK. Coming out of the shadows, [literally] it's Jess Marianoooo *air horns* *confetti* *jazz hands* *Jess rolls his eyes at the fanfare*

Alright, that's out of my system. But for real that's what my mind did at this point. For context, the way I watched this show for the first time was getting the DVDs from the library while a couple of seasons were still on the air; when a new season was available to borrow, I would rewatch all the seasons up to the current point so my memories and favorite parts of the show are seasons 1-4. Because I was not bingeing the show all the way through, seeing Jess here seemingly so different didn’t feel out of place. A shock, yes! A happy surprise. But nothing about him seemed OOC. A year had gone by, we’d seen some signs of maturity in him, and getting rejected by Rory was a big kick in the ass for him to start making bigger changes in his life. I really cannot emphasize how satisfying and sensical his positive character development felt to me. 

The slight maturity we see in season 4 in its full potential. Jess is still Jess: guarded, self-deprecating, and a bit prickly but he shows a sense of calm and feeling more comfortable in his skin. This is really satisfying to see as someone who always "knew" there was a kind and capable heart underneath the exterior just like Rory did, and that tough guy, must protect myself at all costs posturing has melted away. But that side of him isn't gone, it's not like the writing did a complete 180 on his character. I love this. He's just...more at peace with himself but he's not a different person, and he's found something to direct his focus and intellect on. He's made his peace with Luke, and now he has something of worth to show Rory to try to mend that hurt as well.

Yes, it would have been nice to see how and why he decided to write a book and work in publishing but this course of events is not out of left field, nor is Jess enough of a main character at this point for scenes like this to be necessary to the show unless they were tied to Luke and showing another side of him. Jess has shown in the past that he has a good work ethic if he feels it is worth it. The problem wasn't him being lazy, just poor decision making and focusing on RIGHT NOW, "I need to get out of Stars Hollow and live my life," and not considering the consequences of his actions. Which as an immature kid whose life had told him he can only depend on himself...not out of the ordinary. The dude’s life passion is literature and has probably read every book he can get his hands on, it’s not crazy that he had his own story in him. 

Here is where Literati becomes endgame material for me. Prior to the revival it was always my feeling that post-series they would reconnect while Rory was on the campaign or afterwards. It would be low drama (except for Lorelai criticism), slowly gaining trust in each other again, and eventually starting a committed relationship within a year or two of being friends with sexual tension (lol). They made their adolescent mistakes, hurt each other, but learned from it and started over on infinitely better footing.

The match just makes sense to me at this point for many reasons; I don't feel like I need to list them all out because you can go to any pro-Literati post and I'll probably agree with the majority of the points. The biggest issue they had was timing: “Right heart, wrong time.” I like especially how they even out each other's more extreme personality traits. For example, Rory learning from Jess to consider her own feelings instead of sacrificing herself for others, and Jess considering others before himself all the time. Or professionally, I can see Jess encouraging her to step away from her ultra-organized, “everything has to be just so” ways when it benefits her to seize an opportunity right now, don’t worry about the details, you got this. Maybe Jess has another book in him, but his self-deprecation and disorganization prevent him from getting it done but Rory helps him be more objective and focused. There’s this…synergistic energy I feel with the two of them: they’re great by themselves, but form something better together.

Judging from Rory's reactions towards him in this season, I don't think it's OOC for her to have romantic feelings for him again. She's extremely proud of his accomplishments and not unhappy to see him (not holding a grudge). They fall back into their comfortable dynamic even if it makes them both a bit nervous. Now some could argue that this means that Rory only wants to be friends with him but...when have Jess and Rory ever been just friends? If "Another Year in the Life" comes out (I've got serious doubts but would love to be proved wrong) and Rory rejects him or he's not even a part of it, fine! But I just don't see anything in canon that says explicitly she'll never feel romantic towards him again.

Now the kiss...there's a lot of ways to read that scene. Do I think Jess was in the right to assume "everything is fixed" as a go ahead? No. But that's part of why he is such an engaging character: he's impulsive and acts in accordance to his feelings, and yes, this gets himself and others in trouble. 

Do I think Rory purposefully went to the open house to "use" Jess to get back at Logan? No. I think she genuinely wanted to support him, and Logan being out of town meant she wouldn't have to explain why it was important for her to go. I see the kiss paralleling the one in 2x22 but instead of Rory not being able to hold her feelings in any longer, Jess initiates. The way I see it is she was unaware she still had lingering feelings towards him (not out of nowhere, I mean their relationship has "unfinished business" written all over it) and that scared the crap out of her, just like at the end of season 2. So she runs away to the "safe space" that is being with Logan. Because she's in love with Logan, she has a sense of obligation towards him, and Rory has shown many times that she does not react well to change and highly emotional situations.

Is this scene a deal breaker for a future relationship between them? I don't think so. Jess says that he isn't sorry she came, which I take as "I'll never be sorry to see you no matter the context." Yes, this hurt him and made him pretty mad, but I don't think he's holding a grudge against her for this; even in the moment he's more concerned that someone cheated on her and her safety getting to her car. He sets a boundary that he doesn't deserve his feelings to be pushed around like this and Rory agrees. Not that I condone this sort of tit-for-tat hurting of each other (which I don't think Rory was going for in the first place) but it's almost like...that cycle is now broken. The whole scene is so open ended, it doesn't feel like a "good bye forever" to Jess.

"But Rory is so in love with Logan!" I don't know about you, but that "I'm in love with him despite all the bad he's done..." sounds so defeated and sad. It's almost like she's resigned herself to being in love with Logan. The first time I watched this, I thought this was foreshadowing that the relationship was on its last legs. To keep them together, Logan almost dies so Rory will bury her hurt out of guilt for holding a grudge against him. She is completely entitled to feeling hurt by Logan's actions, and I hate that she feels like she has to do this. But it happened, moving on.

"But Rory is a cheater!" When I think about Rory's characteristics, "cheater" doesn't make the list. She feels entitled to the men that she's loved and this isn’t super great behavior, but I don't view her as inherently unfaithful or okay with cheating. I give her leeway on the season 2 Jess kiss because she was a teenager with a lot of conflicting emotions and everything around her was pushing her to stay with Dean. The season 4 Dean debacle...she was still very young and naïve. I put most of the blame on Dean for manipulating her; I say most because if Rory really wanted to be with him, she should have been more sure of the status of his marriage, but I repeat: he manipulated her and she was very young and naïve. I dare to say she has been conditioned to view Dean as nothing but safe and trustworthy so why wouldn't she believe him... Season 4 was all about her being out of sorts when away from the Stars Hollow bubble and trying to reclaim some normalcy. Narratively, I see why this makes sense and I don't think the intention was to say “Rory is okay with cheating,” but to show very explicitly that Rory isn't perfect. This show goes to extremes, at this point I kind of just accept it and don't jump to "this person/character is terrible!" Certain characteristics and behaviors I have less patience for (mild) or will make me lose all respect for a character (extreme - honestly very few GG characters fall into this category for me); you may feel differently and that's fine. When other plot points in this series are much more bizarre and OOC, while this turn of events makes me uncomfortable and angry, at least it makes sense to me.

The 6x18 kiss I've already said that I don't think Rory had premeditated intent to cheat on Logan judging from the fact that Jess initiated it; yes, she went with it nor was it a complete surprise, I get this. The "I couldn't even cheat on him..." line I think is an outburst of guilt and regret, not her saying she had a plan in mind. Maybe I'm being too soft on her, I don't know...she did stay there late but maybe she just got lost in the book while waiting to say bye. We've seen her not know how to deal with conflicting emotions and change to her status quo, and attempt to distract herself when life isn't panning out the way she wants and not think about the consequences in the moment, so I don't find this scene OOC or intentionally cruel. The revival...I don’t think I can even go there right now because it would just be me screaming incoherently about how much I hate "full circle" and how bizarre the entire thing was. Maybe something of value would eventually come out with a lot of editing. XD

This isn’t to say I’m 100% on Rory’s side all the time. Pretty much every character in this show has at some point made me smile, made me laugh (generally with them, but some characters it’s more like at), made me want to give them a hug, made me roll my eyes, and made me want to throw something at them. That’s why I love it so much! Even if the drama is turned up to 1000, I still get the sense that these characters are human. My favs end up on my “will protect at all costs” and “shit” lists throughout the series, no one is immune. Except Lane. She really is the best person in this entire show. #JusticeForLaneKim

If ASP had written season 7: (Remember there being some sort of theme to this post? Only two episodes in s6, but Jess sure does make an impact.) I bet Jess would show up at some point. MV is loyal to the creators and not the show, if it was important for Jess to be there I’m sure his shooting schedule would have been accounted for. Storyline would have been similar to the revival because AYITL is ASPs season she didn’t get to do without considering how time passing affects the characters (I’M STILL SALTY) except Rory is at Yale and I think the book was a new idea. Shipping as endgame doesn’t change, and I bet there wouldn’t be a nice little Literati ending because we’ve got to end it the same way, right? I don't even need them to be together at the end because Rory has greater plans to focus on, but just a moment! One moment is all I asked for... I don’t know if this makes me mad because I felt like the narrative had been pushing us along this path for so long even if actual "endgame" was going to be offscreen or if I kind of like just having it in my imagination. Little bit of column A, little bit of column B. In any case, it could have been cool to see Jess present for the birth of his half-sister and giving Luke some support. 

Like I said, I'm not touching AYITL right now. The whole starting point of this was, "huh, if MV never came back to the show, how would I feel about Jess and Literati?" And he was in it so it doesn't really fit into this even though we've gone on a meandering journey as pieces of discourse that have never sat right with me but didn't quite know how to express that disagreement until now popped in my mind. So there you go. If you’ve made it to end, claps to you, what a champ.

At the end of the day, Literati is the ship that makes me feel the most things, it's kind of just a gut thing. This really isn't any sort of argument just an outpouring of love for the show and these characters. I don't know how well that's communicated, but hey, I try. I’ve got a lot of nostalgia for the pairing and I always viewed Jess as being Rory’s, and only Rory’s, choice.

[sandu-zidian]

Blabbing about this Musician!au I started last summer that has now also turned into a marching band!au because I got sad and nostalgic because despite how shitty it could be, marching band defined my high school life and social life and I couldn’t had asked for anything else.

I also don’t have every single prequel character (because this au is surrounding the prequel characters) in Star Wars smacked into here, and I gave up halfway through a couple of months ago in terms of brainstorming. Anyways, this is hella long so check everything out under the line if you’d like! don’t want to spam everyone with something that’s like, 4 pages long

Now, you might be asking. What instruments are these characters playing, or what are they doing in marching band? well, boy oh boy do I have some lore for you.

Anakin Skywalker: alright lets start of with the “Chosen One”. Now, I gotta say. He’s got some intense brass vibes, specifically high brass. But I don’t know. He didn’t really mesh well. And given his natural talent with the Force in canon, I thought that Anakin would be a sort of prodigy. And we all know the two instruments associated with that: the piano and violin. He’s more of a piano dude, so here we go! piano prodigy Anakin Skywalker. He also gives mad drumline vibes, and I can see him as either the lead snare, setting the tempo, or the main quad player. He’s brash, slightly obnoxious, but damn is he fucking good at what he does.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: I literally started this AU on the idea that Obi-Wan would play the cello. One of the defining quotes for him is that fucking “infinite sadness” quote. And we all know that cellos play some of the saddest pieces out there. (see: Elgar cello concerto) However, I can’t see him as a marching band dude. He doesn’t really give off color guard vibes (since that’s where most non-band people go to) so I have him as the resident student helper who everyone tolerates because he brings ice cream after band camp.

Ahsoka Tano: Ahsoka is a flute player. As a flute player, I have intimate knowledge on this. She’s like the chill flute player who’s competitive enough to keep her position as principal, but is also chill enough to not have a big ego that butts heads with everyone. She also gives mad color guard vibes. Also speaking about that from personal experience (am I lowkey projecting my own experiences on her? you didn’t hear that from me). She seems like the type to love swing flags and sabre, and is 100% captain by senior year.

I have Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka as siblings in this AU because I say so. Qui-Gon is around here somewhere as the resident hippie dad who lowkey smokes pot and will support his children while giving a big ‘fuck you’ to Dooku. 

Yoda’s also in here somewhere, and I love the idea that he’s an old Chinese/Asian man who refuses to speak english and will only do so with the most backwards grammar so his grandchild (Qui-Gon) and great-grandchildren (the trio) are forced to speak Mandarin/Cantonese to him (pick your poison). He just spends his days cutting up fruit and also might pull out his erhu if everyone asks nice enough. (I want to say he was a Peking Opera musician, but immigrated during Mao’s reign after he lost opportunities during the cultural revolution)

So, I know that it doesn’t make sense for a family to have 3 sets of twins and one triplet set, but fuck that I do what I want.

Cody Fett: okay so, Cody 100% plays the french horn. I don’t know, he just, he does. He’s got that air of sophistication because he can play the hardest brass instrument, but at the same time, he’s incredibly good at it and is matter-of-fact about it. He also would be the mello section leader (I was playing with the idea of drum major, but for now, leaving him as a section leader for now). He’s a bit uptight to be a low brass player, but cool enough to still be associated with the general brass group.

Rex Fett: I got Rex and Cody as the eldest Fett twins. Rex feels like a string player, so I have him on violin. I can see him be very hardworking and practicing diligently to the point where he easily sweeps through to concertmaster in high school and the local youth orchestra. He also gives of mad drum major vibes. I can see him copying music, handing out drill charts, and hauling the met around. Also, just think about Rex doing a fancy ass salute at competitions. Yes.

Next round of twins lets gooo

Jesse Fett: You could say Jesse has brass vibes. I see him as a reed person though. In concert band, he’s on clarinet. I used to think clarinets were as stuck up as us flutes but no they’re literally balls of chaotic energy ready to be unleashed. Just imagine Jesse blaming everything on his reed. I see him as the guy who switches to saxophone for marching band, though. He’s got the energy of the clarinet and the saxophone harnessed. Also, wouldn’t be surprised if he knows how to play the sousa.

Kix Fett: Y’know, when I originally made this AU, I had Kix as a musician as well. I’m gonna scratch that. He’s going to medical school, or at least, he’s planning to. He’s on the pre-med track and is dying in organic chemistry and wishes there weren’t so many pre-requisites. However, in high school, he definitely played the oboe. Of course Kix chose one of the hardest instruments to play. Also, just imagine him trying to make his own reeds. I don’t see him as a guy who’s in marching band. He’ll come to competitions and maybe football games if he’s bullied into it. Kix is the guy who’s classes are all AP and he’s dying inside.

Next round of twins yeet:

Fives Fett: shit, I forgot I gave them all real names. If I remember correctly, Fives is Frank. Anyways, trumpet vibes. Need I say more? He’s on the trumpet in marching band as well and he’s the dude who’s obsessed with DCI and always tries to play as high as he possibly can and absolutely demolishes his chops. I would say he’s section leader as well. He also hangs with the drumline at the back of the bus and always plays meme songs on blast and sends weird pictures to people’s phone via open airdrop.

Echo Fett: I think his birth name is Ethan??? I’m spitting thoughts not checking my old documents. Anyways. Echo feels like a string person. Specifically, low strings. So, he plays the bass. Upright bass. Whatever. You get what I mean. He sleeps in the case after school and hates hauling it everywhere. He was in marching band as a mello player (the easiest brass instrument to pick up for the activity so) but he was in a car crash that left him paralyzed from the hip down, and had to quit to recover. He never stopped playing, and found ways to adjust. (I do not know how exactly this would work, since I’m able bodied and also don’t play the bass, but I know he’d at least have a stool to sit on in order to lean his body on. let me know if you have other ideas i’d love to hear them!)

Finally, we got the triplets:

Dogma Fett: Dogma plays the bassoon. He’s a low reed kinda guy and between the bari sax, bass clarinet, and bassoon, he fits the last one the best. He and Kix moan over making reeds and he’s on the quieter side. He just vibes and plays all the low notes and has fun whenever he’s got some moving part. I see Dogma as someone who is only casually into marching band. He uses Jesse’s old student clarinet as his instrument and he’s always on time, knows his sets, and his technique is on point. He always finds himself roped into his brothers’ shenanigans though.

Tup Fett: Tup plays the harp. I like to think he met Shaak Ti (we’ll get to her in a bit) when he was young, and she was playing with an orchestra. He met her backstage and she offered to give him lessons. Tup’s not really a part of high school orchestra but sometimes he’ll be brought in. He’s more involved with solo work and the youth orchestra more than anything. Tup’s another on where I don’t think he’d be into marching band. Though I can see him being in winter guard as the dude who just shows up and is lowkey rip and therefore is a hunk on the rifle. His technique’s good but they’ve never been able to saddle him into fall guard.

Hardcase Fett: (i’ve given up on remembering the birth names so i’m just gonna not) Hardcase is 100% low brass vibes. He can’t be anything but a low brass. I see him as a tuba player. He’s chill, laid back, but also reliable for being the foundation of the band sound. He plays the sousaphone in marching band and always blasts either Seven Nation Army or some other popular show tune right after rehearsals. Hardcase also can play the bari sax and no one knows when he learned how to. 

OKAY we’re done with the Fett’s! Jango and Boba are in here somewhere but honestly I don’t have enough brainpower to come up with what their roles are. Jango’s gonna be a good dad though. Maybe he was a musician and that’s why most of his kids are going into music. Or maybe he’s just a supportive father. Boba’s the youngest though, that’s for sure. And he’s a little shit. Don’t know if he plays an instrument (probably) or what it might be.

Now lets get into some other characters! There’s a lot. And I wasn’t even halfway done with the characters I wanted to include. What the hell was I on last summer?

Padmé Amidala: Padmé is a flute player who quit after freshman year of high school and started taking music production and music theory classes. She loved it so much that she decided that composing was her jam. Now, she’s highly successful and often works with well known pianist, Anakin Skywalker, on piano concertos. Also, she may or may not be dating said pianists but you didn’t hear that from me.

Satine Kryze: twosetters don’t shit on me but Satine feels like she’d play the viola. She and Obi-Obi-Wan definitely dated in high school but after a year broke up on mutual terms and are just good friends now. A lot of people feel like she’d have been a better political science/international studies major than a music major but she’s good so no one complains (until she gets into a fighting match with someone and wins smugly)

Bo-Katan Kryze: shes Satine’s younger sister and is a mad athlete. She doesn’t play any instruments but she’s deeply active and is on scholarship for college, on the pre-med track with Kix. She’s very scary and most people are too intimidated by her to approach.

Plo Koon: I originally had him as an asian man, but I can see Native American as well. He plays the euphonium and he’s just a sweet man. He helps out a lot with private lessons at local high schools and is often brought in to help with low brass during marching band.

Wolffe Koon: Wolffe and Gregor (get to him in a bit) were both adopted by Plo when their parents died when they were very young. Plo was their godfather and he took them in like they were his own. They’re cousins to the Fett brothers (though don’t ask me how I have no idea). Wolffe is an engineer and works close to home.

Gregor Koon: Gregor is Wolffe’s younger brother and had a short stint of musical interest in middle school but quit after he entered high school. Gregor was in a serious car crash during college that left him amnesiac for a year before some of his memories returned. He now owns a restaurant and sticks close to home. Wolffe often comes around to check up on him because his brain injury still impacts his current life in small physical and emotional dips

Kit Fisto: Kit gives off mad trombone vibes and it’s mostly because he seems incredibly laid back. He’s one of those brass players who’s just a nice guy and while jokes around, never got pulled into jokes as a student.

Shaak Ti: like I said above, Shaak Ti is most definitely a harpist. She has that ethereal quality I think is common in harpists. She’s a tall Indian woman and she loves her job! She’s a private lesson teacher and instructor at the conservatory on top of her job in the orchestra since she’s not called in often to play. She loves all her students and gives good hugs.

Mace Windu: Mace is the director of the Jedi Symphony, the orchestra which almost everyone is involved with. He is a bass player and he likes his more classical pieces over contemporary music. He’s good friends with Yoda and sometimes the old troll has to wack some sense into Windu and have him take on newer pieces. Windu 100% gives off unhinged director vibes because mistakes and lazy musicians definitely don’t end after high school/college is over.

Quinlan Vos: this lil shithead definitely is the obnoxious, slightly arrogant, but kind of deserving of that, percussionist. He loves his snare drum and is also in the drumline. He’s the same age as Obi-Wan and the two are close friends. Quinlan is definitely slightly unhinged and is always at the back of the bus causing havoc after competitions. He’s the guy that I (OP) hate but also can’t help but respect cuz yeah he’s annoying but at least he’s good.

Aayla Secura: Aayla is Quinn’s half-sister, and plays the French horn. Again, like Cody, she’s got this air of professionalism that I associate with French horn players and like, we gotta represent the girls in brass somehow. She just fits it really nicely.

I feel like now is the time to list who’s still in conservatory and who isn’t: Obi-Wan, Anakin, Rex, Cody, Jesse, Quinlan, Padmé, and Satine are all recent graduates. Ahsoka, Aayla, Fives, Echo, Tup, Dogma, and Hardcase are still in conservatory (at varying years of course). Kix and Bo are entering med school/frantically applying and banging their heads cuz MCATs. Wolffe and Gregor are older and have been in the field for quite some time now. Plo, Kit, Shaak, and Mace are all faculty/seasoned professionals.

Somehow, I was gonna bring in The Skiratas (with proper research cuz I know very little about them), Dooku, Ventress, the Oppress siblings, rest of Domino Squad, Cut Lawquene, the other CCs, and more. I designated a page out of my sketchbook for this and my oh my the flow chart was hella confusing. How I thought I was gonna handle that in the summer before my first year of college, I have no idea. Maybe I’ll brainstorm more in the future but for now, this is all I have :]]]

Also excuse some of my slightly unhinged language I started writing this a few days ago while slightly unfocused and tired and stressed so my language is a product of that

[sepublic]

Chat Chalet and Color Clock!

           So, uh.

           Remember when I said about Tuba… and the uh… the um, ah.

           …

           So about the Chat Chalet Car!

           NOT comfortable with The Cat having that calendar, and her bear roommate tying up his bathrobe, that… WHOOF. I mean I get Simon was uncomfortable and I appreciate the depiction of what was clearly a panic attack, but uh. I was also uncomfortable… but for a DIFFERENT reason.

           Also, I’m pretty sure by this point that One-One, The Cat, and Randall are the only constants in this show! The cars may change as do the seasons, passengers and protagonists come and pass… But those three remain the same, huh? What’s really interesting is that The Cat actually seems to show remorse for screwing over Simon (who may have gotten his number-detector from her)…

We don’t know the circumstances, but The Cat alludes to an ‘army’ that likely ties back into the toy army Simon made; Perhaps a puzzle that went wrong involving him commanding soldiers, only to lose them and almost get killed by the opposing side? We know that Simon got left by her to die by a Ghom, and we still have a shot of her for Book 3 that wasn’t seen yet; So more backstory will come about! Perhaps The Cat left him in the wasteland… Anyhow, it seems that after Amelia destroyed her car in Book 1, she’s gotten a new one, and more Randalls no less from the Beach Car! Always glad to see that guy!

           But also; Simon was TEN when he was on the train! We don’t know long he’s been here NOW, but if I had to guess; Probably almost as long as ten years! He’s almost spent as much time on the Infinity Train as he did back in the human world… And when you take into account him being even younger than Tulip or Jesse, YIKES; No wonder he’s so screwed up! His sense of reality must be completely skewed as the Infinity Train is the only home he knows! This does bring up the question of how old Grace was… I think she mentioned saving him? Either way, I think she was also pretty young…

           I guess I can see better why Amelia saved Grace; She was just a child, and presumably Amelia’s number wasn’t so high at the time, so she was still a more empathetic person! Plus, Grace wasn’t actively interfering with her plans like Tulip was, so Amelia probably wouldn’t resort to either child murder or neglect, and felt compelled to act! Either way, it makes Grace and Simon’s situation a LOT more disturbing in this context…

           Grace also alludes to potentially having NOT known a denizen personally, which implies that her low opinion comes solely from the experiences of others like Simon, as well as Amelia’s own misinformation! With that in mind, I can see it being easier for her to empathize with Tuba, given how she doesn’t have any actual bad memories herself; And we see her number lower, too! And when Tuba… uhh… umm…

           …

           …Okay, so Tuba died!

           We are only HALF-WAY through Book 3, and we’ve already lost Tuba! I know the writers mentioned having to juggle four characters, but that was basically for like… three episodes?

           And, Tuba was murdered! By Simon… You know for a second there, I thought Simon might have a change of heart briefly, and TRY to save Tuba only for things to go wrong. And then I jokingly thought, “Oh dang what if this was like Mufasa’s death scene lol?”

           It was.

           …WELL. At least they didn’t show Tuba’s death in full, graphic detail like they did Mace! And considering how they got away with Mace’s death because he technically wasn’t human despite looking like one (whereas Tuba is a straight-up gorilla), I’m surprised! But also grateful, because Mace freaking deserved it, and Tuba…

           …Screw you Simon. How do you go from feeling more friendly to KILLING someone?! I get The Cat screwed you over, and I know this may not be appropriate given how young you were when it all happened… BUT GROW UP.

           …You know, Owen Dennis released a few drawings of our main cast, and while Grace and Hazel seemed to be getting along, Simon had a look of concern like something was troubling him. Given what he just did… I’m worried that maybe he won’t have a redemption of any sorts, that he might go off the deep end and descend into pure villainy or whatever? That him and Grace will become enemies, and Simon… WON’T leave Book 3, any better than he started off as.

           That- Or he DOES learn to become better, but he stays behind on the Infinity Train because he still has a LOT of work to do, and the Apex (which will apparently undergo a change) still needs guidance. Coupled with him having spent far too much of his life on the Infinity Train, and maybe he’ll spend the rest of his life helping others; After all, the show is not narratively against the idea of rejecting one’s exit after achieving it, if it means helping other people (hence the Book 1 Finale)! It WOULD be a clever turnaround for his position at the beginning of Book 3…

           And of course, Grace- Given the apparent confirmation about SOMETHING regarding Hazel… I can also see her staying on the Infinity Train, to take care of Hazel (given how she still really cares about her), and also because she doesn’t really have anything left at home? Nothing positive, at least; Given how many years it’s been, her family may have moved on. IS there anything to go back to? It’d be a morbid prospect to consider…

           Also, Hazel! Hazel, in sheer grief, begins to transform into a Turtle; So either that’s her true form, or she’s a shape-shifter and her being ‘human’ is just another form she can take! Hazel doesn’t have any memories, is this a quirk of her programming by One-One? Is her human form based off of ANOTHER passenger that existed beforehand? It’s worth noting that she can transform drastically like Alan Dracula, who was specifically-crafted by One-One. Given my speculation that Alan Dracula was made to help Jesse and Lake, I wonder if this confirms that One-One personally made Hazel to force Simon and Grace to reevaluate their stance on things?

           …Either way, I am NOT looking forward to being Simon if Hazel decides to direct her grief at him, especially since he straight-up owned to killing Tuba, instead of trying to make it look like a plausible accident!

           …Though let’s be real, I wouldn’t look forward to being Simon, period.

           …Also Roy! Yeah not gonna lie, if I had to deal with THAT and a bunch of other puzzles for who knows how many years, I’d probably ALSO lose it and want to kill every denizen I meet!

           BUT I WOULDN’T ACTUALLY GO THROUGH WITH IT AND CERTAINLY NOT KILL ANY DENIZENS WHO WERE FRIENDS-

           Like, what’s so AWFUL about that moment was how unnecessary, how pointless and needlessly cruel it was! Simon didn’t need to do anything; It seems like Tuba would’ve fallen on her own anyway and died. And even if she didn’t… Who knows HOW far away the Color Clock Car would’ve taken her away?!

           At worst, Simon could’ve pretended to try to use his Harpoon Pack, and then feigned some lie about it ‘not working’, malfunctioning at a key moment! Hazel wouldn’t know, she wouldn’t suspect, she’s a child! He could’ve just LET it happen… But no, he has to go the extra mile and specifically get Tuba’s hopes up, just to step on them for no other reason than what? To spite her? To ‘claim’ his kill over her, as if it would’ve made a difference since she was already going to fall to her death anyway? And all because Grace reasonably doubted the need to fight Tuba single-handedly when the Apex was just a few cars away!?

           I dunno… And it’s just interesting, because when Simon was around The Cat, whose mere presence gave him a panic attack and PTSD… He didn’t do anything! She literally left him to die, she was THE example for denizens that led towards his hatred of them; And she’s powerless, there’s nothing she can do to defend herself against Simon! I mean there IS Frank, and maybe he didn’t want to start anything in front of Tuba… I have to wonder if he still cares in his own incredibly twisted way because of their past together- Or if his PTSD-induced fear of The Cat overwhelms any spite towards Tuba?

           Regardless, that was messed up. It was the most needlessly cruel, pointlessly spiteful thing we’ve seen in the show by far; Even characters like Mace and Sieve, not even AMELIA ever went so far as to bring up an ally’s hopes up like that, just to kill them off anyway!

[laufire]

Supernatural s1

my dash: decries Supernatural every five posts.

me: time to watch it seriously for the first time in my life.

-First thing first: it’s an amazingly well-crafted season of tv. I’m a character-focused watcher, not a plot-focused one; I never connected emotionally to the Winchesters (still haven’t and likely never will, as interesting I might find them as character constructs), so I feared I’d be bored and would want to skip scenes. Nuh huh. I was many things, but none of them were bored xDD. Each episode was a lesson in good pacing and the entire season another in proper build-up. There are one or two or a few dozen tv-writers I would like to show it to, ngl.

-Another thing it excelled at was in its portrayal in abusive family dynamics. The way Dean went mellow and so unlike himself when John gave an order (and what a SHOCK it is in the later episodes when he finally stands up to him!!). How Sam said HE would apologize to his father when they saw each other again, or how he made apologies for his father because “it could have been worse” (at least John didn’t beat them up, like it happened to that poor kid!). John showing Sam more “““respect””” (as far as he’s able at least) simply because Sam already proved he’s capable of leaving him; the way John controls the information he gives them and when and how and how much and how small they feel when they reunite with him. Dean knowing his father had been possessed by a demon because it wasn’t reprimanding him and belittling him. Dean’s psychic shapeshifter (?) expressing his resentment towards Sam for getting to escape. Dean’s quickness to resort to violence when Sam says something that makes him angry, or how he tries to severe ties between Sam and his college friends, or how he guilt trips him when Sam says he plans on returning to his studies, or how he minimizes Sam’s experiences with John or how Sam criticizes Dean’s compliance... (I don’t think Dean’s being consciously manipulative. I think it’s intuitive. Which is far, far scarier. He’s the Elena Gilbert of Supernatural and a walking red flag for controlling behavior). How it’s paired with ~honeymoon periods. The way they use the families around them to highlight their issues. It’s... chilling and terrifying and I can’t look away. I won’t get into the shit John pulls in 2x01 because that’s for the s2 POV, but oh my god I’m so happy he’s dead.

I wasn’t all that sure of how self-aware the creators were about this trend (especially because of how centralized and validated Dean’s POV is in his conflicts with Sam IMO. OTOH... characters like Dean and actors like Ackles are the type to take over a show by charisma alone tbf. The way he swoops in in the pilot and starts disrupting everything, including Sam’s relationship, reminding me of both Angel in BTVS and Chuck in Gossip Girl, Doylist-wise. This comparison is going to make sense to like three people I talk with regularly xDD). At least on early seasons, since certain spoilers about the later ones make me think it grew over time. I’m still unsure but I think they are a little self-aware because of this quote:

Eric Kripke said of Buffy: “I loved ‘Hush’ and ‘Once More, With Feeling,’ but overall, Buffy really taught me about effectively using metaphor in genre. For Buffy, it was ‘high school is hell (literally),’ and Joss Whedon did such a masterful job of grounding his horror and fantasy concepts in this notion, and ultimately telling allegories about high school, which turned what could’ve been B-Movie material into an all-time classic. I used that same philosophy on my run of Supernatural, with the mantra ‘family is hell (literally),’ and always grounded my horror episodes around the notion of families, to the show’s benefit. So thanks, Joss Whedon. I owe you a beer. (Credit: The WB)

everyone wants to be Buffy lol.

-My absolute favourite thing was how competent the Winchesters are (I’m even reluctantly including John here. That bastard). They’re sneaky with local authorities, crafty about fake IDs, credit scams, research abilities, DIY supernatural detectors xDD... I loved the lack of an audience proxy, the fact that the story throws you into the deep end with people that already know their shit. And that the other side is competent too, like when Meg & YED’s plan to trap John relied on the Winchester being competent; on Sam immediately going into the defensive because, what are the chances of finding that cute weird girl a second time, miles away?; on John suspecting it was a trap and only revealing himself after Meg appears to be dead... Another scene that I loved in that sense, from 2x01 (I watched until 2x03, I wanted to see Sterling K. Brown’s first appearance lol) was how upon discovering Reapers are shapeshifters, Dean immediately knew that cute ghost he’d befriended was the one after him. I get the feeling this aspect will get lost in future season and it’s a pity, tbh.

-Related to that, some of my favourite moments: Sam straight up bribing a guy to get into the morgue when Dean’s arguments are failing (with Dean’s money!); Dean’s plan of “well, if this guy is haunting the house and there’s no other way to kill him, we burn the house. No house no haunting”; Dean telling that kid to fake appendicitis to get his parents out of the house; John blessing the tank of water knowing he’s walking into a trap with demons... I dig this stuff.

-I get whiplash sometimes, with the show making a point of (very briefly) telling you racism, homophobia or pro-life attitudes are Bad(TM) and the brothers are Against them (the Racist Truck episode, the one where a woman used a Reaper to exchange “virtuous” lives for those of sinners...), when the rest of the show is err... what it is lol. Dean is toxic masculinity’s poster boy (I was so disgusted by how he acted with Jess omfg), in s2 we don’t get the monsters’ perspective on hunters until we’ve conveniently met our first black one (I love the episode AND the character but it’s fucking true)...

-I need to make a note of paying attention to the writers credits/Bts stuff because I find this show’s progression fascinating on a metatextual level. The only problem is that audience reaction seems to have played a big role (which is a problem on one or two different levels imo xD), and tracking that down is sliiiiightly more difficult lol. Oh well (I don’t even think I want to see too much of this fandom, even to satisfy my curiosity. Some of the glimpses I’ve caught of it are disturbing to the extreme).

-The detail about dead people’s blood being toxic to vampires is SO COOL OMG. I’m tempted to steal it xD

Some random stuff:

-The monsters of the week were some legit creepy stuff.

-I love that Meg has her own hellhounds. Is that still a thing when she returns?

-Dean: you and dad are reckless and I’m going to have to be the one that buries you. / Me, with the power of foresight: 👀

-Also Dean: sometimes it scares me how good I am at killing. / Me: it scares the shit out of me how good you are at killing, too, fam.

-I get the impression Sam loses his demonic-in-origin powers later on, right? What a waste, I love those.

-I’m pretty sure at one point it’s implied John used Dean to honeytrap monsters (when he sends him as a trap for the lady vampire that stole the Colt) and I really don’t know what to do with this information.

-Cassie was GORGEOUS and even make Dean likeable for me while they lasted xDD. But given this show’s track record I’m considering the lack of more appearances a blessing.

-So many guest stars. Everyone’s been on SPN. Especially if they were on the Buffyverse first (I totally get the impulse of casting Buffy actor after Buffy actor lmfao).

-Funny how Luther Hargreeves is exactly who a lot of fans think Dean was (Dean is far, far colder imo), and yet one is constantly called pathetic and evil and the other woobified. Very Funny Indeed *coughs* (funnier still that the character I often see Dean compared to is Wynonna Earp when the parallels are kids-pool deep at best and offensive at worst. Dean is not a Wynonna. Again, Dean is an Elena Gilbert xDD).

-The two paranormal investigators were dumb as rocks, but their motto was “What Would Buffy Do” so I like them (if they ever change that to What Would the Winchesters Do or something like that I’m going to be furious lmao).

-When I want to ~chill I dress about exactly like Dean (minus the flannel I’ve seen in later seasons, you can’t pay me to wear flannel). Like, I think I have a couple of shirts that look exactly like ones of his. I don’t know how I feel about this xDD

-IDK how I’ll feel about Bobby later on (I get the impression every long-term character on this show has their hateful phases xD), but in his introduction he said the last time he saw John he threatened to shoot him (“he causes that reaction in people”), so he’s so far the most relatable character around lol.

[gleekto]

Summary: College AU/Famous!Blaine and Fanboy!Kurt - Kurt POV

Kurt really doesn’t have time to figure out the dating world between being a freshman at prestigious theatre school, LAADA,  and his active but secret blogging life in the Sing!Fandom. So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow. Especially the uber talented heartthrob lead, Blaine Anderson. He can act. He can sing. He can even dance. He’s gay. He’s out. And he’s only 24. Kurt is willing to twiddle his thumbs and click refresh until Blaine Anderson’s next project.

He just didn’t expect the next project to be on his roommate Rachel’s new TV show.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Even Better Than the Real Thing (4/15)

It takes Kurt until the following afternoon for the haze to lift and for his feet to land back down on the ground after spending the evening floating. He finally logs on to his tumblr and to the entirely unsurprising 13 messages, all anonymous, all asking him if he heard about whether his source met Blaine. He deletes all of them and clicks on his direct message from Mercedes last night.

From LimaBlaineFan to MercedesSing! : Guilty as charged. You found me out.

MercedesSing!: So let me get this straight - Your roommate and close friend is literally working with Blaine Anderson?!

LimaBlaineFan: He’s her love interest. They kiss.

MercedesSing!: Please don’t tell me you’re jealous because you know that’s all acting and you have suddenly gone from number one fanboy to real life acquaintance overnight and there are a good few hundred followers who would be intensely jealous of you if they knew.

LimaBlaineFan: They don’t. And they won’t. But no, I’m not jealous. Blaine is indeed gay, and you know, he doesn’t have a boyfriend right now. Was too difficult to meet someone while on a show like Sing!

MercedesSing!: He did not tell you that.

LimaBlaineFan: He did. And we commiserated about growing up in Ohio - two gay kids. We’re like peas and pod, Blaine Anderson and I.

MercedesSing!: Shut up. You had a heart to heart with Blaine Anderson. 

LImaBlaineFan: Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves. But I can confirm that he  is even more beautiful in real life.

MercedesSing!: This is nuts. I’m happy for you. Hell, I’m happy for me. Do you think he can hook me up with Jo Johnson for some music lessons? Kidding. No not really. Anyways. You met Blaine Anderson. And shit got real.

Kurt and Mercedes plot out just the right amount of info to post publicly on his blog from his “source”. 

My source confirms that Blaine Anderson is a genuinely nice guy, but you’ve all heard that before. He did find out that Blaine sang in his high school Glee club, and oh, he’s single right now. Don’t get any ideas though, fandom, because Blaine knows there’s a difference between a fan and a friend. Anyways, sounds like Blaine Anderson was as cute as ever - oh and he was wearing cherry red shoes.

...

“Let’s go, Kurt. Off your laptop, put away your homework, we’re going to the cast open mic night.” 

Kurt looks up over his computer skeptically. “Open mic night?”

“Oh come on. You don’t even have to perform if you don’t want to. And Blaine asked if you were coming-”

“He did? We talked for like five minutes. How does he even remember my name?” What.

“Yeah. I know it’s weird but I think you’re a good excuse not to have to be networking the whole night. For me too,” Rachel emphasizes. “Come on.”

Kurt nods his head from side to side, feigning indecision but of course he’s going. Blaine Anderson asked for him to come. Or asked if he was coming. Or whatever. He’s obviously going.

...

As he and Rachel are whisked into the Limelight - closed for a private event - by the security guard at the door, he’s sure he has accidentally fallen through a portal into the world of Sing!, with Blaine’s character, Roy Royson, up on stage as usual, serenading his on screen love interest with an unplugged version of an 80′s rock ballad. Today it’s Jack and Diane. 

Only Roy Royson would be wearing a plaid flannel shirt and not a fitted red cardigan with tight dark blue jeans and a navy bowtie. And man, Blaine Anderson can rock a bowtie. 

“He’s good, right?” Rachel gestures to Blaine on the stage, who sees them and gives a wink and smile. What a showman. “Talented.”

“He was on Sing!, Rachel. Not a shock that he can carry a tune,” Kurt shrugs. No way is he letting Rachel know how captivated he is. He’s seen Blaine as Roy perform on screen countless times and then on repeat, but something about seeing the real Blaine, all styled and a touch deliberately flamboyant but also very boyish singing classic 80′s rock, completely holding the live audience in his hands. He’s hard to look away from. By the time Kurt catches himself staring slightly open mouthed and manages to turn around to get a drink, Rachel already has a drink in hand and is sitting at a table with Jesse St. James and a few of the others he met the other week.

Kurt orders a ginger ale with one lime (can’t be caught drinking underage with the high profile cast), and turns towards Rachel’s table where Blaine is now conveniently sitting. Kurt would not have normally dared to sit beside him for fear of spilling his drink from shaky hands, or worse being tongue tied when being asked a mundane question, but it appears that the chair beside Blaine is the only empty one and Kurt is not sure if it’s a punishment or a reward. So it’s facing his fears or cozying up to the showrunner at a separate table. Awkward.

“Great performance,” Kurt starts as he sits down beside Blaine.  “I can appreciate a strong stage presence despite the strange choice of music genre.”

Blaine looks up and his smile widens amusedly as he shifts his chair over to make more room. “Thank you,” Blaine nods and then leans in to Kurt’s ear. “Well, despite the choice of genre, I may have caught you staring.”  Blaine winks. Did he just-

Kurt is mortified but Blaine just elbows him in the side and takes a sip of his beer.  He was caught. But Blaine doesn’t appear to be mad, or embarrassed, or irritated - In fact, he seems happily entertained . Cocky bastard. “Well, my dad is a big Mellencamp fan, and I can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching a classic performance where the lead is in anything other than stone washed jeans and flannel.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Oh it’s a compliment.” Kurt turns to him. “I did try to do Mellencamp once in a Glee club assignment in my junior year - complete with the flannel. But somehow I couldn’t pull it off. My dad even called me out.”

Blaine laughs, eyes sparkling and staring right at him. Man, that eye contact. “Too forced?” 

“Too straight,” Kurt answers and Blaine laughs again like Kurt is both funny and entertaining. “I think I got a lecture about not trying to be someone I’m not just to impress him. That he loves me just as I am blah blah blah.”

Blaine’s face turns serious. “That’s lucky.”

Kurt stares back. “I know.”

“So you were out?”

“Yeah. And maybe thanks to my dad and my Glee club, I survived Lima. But it wasn’t fun. Guess Lima’s just too narrow for all this fabulousness,” Kurt jokes, gesturing at today’s outfit - lime green tight army jeans with a purple button down and scarf. And of course a heart shaped broach. 

“Lima’s loss,” Blaine says seriously, reaching out to touch Kurt’s arm. Kurt jumps and then Blaine’s hand is gone again. “Well, you’re in LA, now. The fun is only just beginning.” Kurt’s jaw drops slightly and he can feel himself staring at Blaine, again, and trying to stop being drawn to that impossible magnetism.

“Let’s go, Kurt! It’s our turn.” Luckily Rachel pulling at his arm against the magnetic force rescues him.

“What?”

“I signed us up, of course. Defying Gravity. Let’s go.” Kurt normally loves performing. Loves performing Broadway hits. Loves performing with Rachel. But performing in front of his celebrity crush - that was not on his agenda. “Come on!” She pulls him up on stage. Ah well. Good thing he’s a good actor. Game face is about to be in full force.

When they take their bows, the room full of appropriately enthusiastic applause, Kurt lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “That was great, Kurt!” Blaine seems genuinely excited. “You’re a countertenor - You have an amazing voice!” Kurt beams. He has an amazing voice.

Before he can second guess himself, Kurt turns to Blaine and whispers, “Thank you. And I assume your love of Broadway is why I caught you staring.” 

Blaine laughs and chinks their glasses. “Guilty.”

...

When he gets home that night, high from all the performances, from the performing, from talking to Blaine Anderson again, he closes his door and screams silently into his pillow. He grabs his phone and texts Mercedes who is of course asleep in New York City.

Kurt: Mercedes, I’m back. We talked. Again. A lot. He kind of stared at me through my whole performance with Rachel. Which he admitted. And laughed. He even likes my voice. I think we’re friends. Like actually friends.

In the morning, Kurt wakes up to Mercedes’ reply. 

Mercedes: Of course he likes your voice. You’re epic. And friends? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

[harvard-said-no]

I’m Scared to Close My Eyes

Rating: T

Warnings: Major Character Death

Relationships: Jesse Coste/Eugene Labao

Here, have a Blair Witch Project AU:

In October of 1994, three high school students disappeared into the woods near Kings Row Boys School while shooting a documentary.

A year later their footage was found.

---

Eugene: Hey, is that camera on?

Nicholas: Yeah, bro. Is that Jesse’s house?

[Car engine stops, car door opens.]

Eugene: Yeah, hold on, let me go grab him.

[Knocking on door, door opens. Muffled conversation.]

Nicholas: Yo! Gene! You guys coming?

Eugene: I’m trying! Jesse, why the fuck did you pack this much? We’re only going to be gone for a few days.

Jesse: Excuse me for not wanting to live like a medieval serf.

Eugene: You know you’re going to have to carry all of this stuff, right?

Nicholas: Seriously, guys, hurry up! We were supposed to be out of here at 8:30!

Eugene: Okay, we’re coming, we’re coming.

---

Jesse: We are now entering Boundvic Point, Connecticut, formerly Blair. You can see King’s Row over there. Almost 350 years ago, this region was settled by about twenty families, most of which still reside here today, in the town or on the hill.

[Muffled voice says, ‘cut!’]

Eugene: Nice, I think we got what we needed.

Jesse: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.

Nicholas: Talk you into this? It was your idea, wasn’t it?

Jesse: I was joking! Do you think I actually wanted to go trekking through the woods to make a documentary about a stupid local legend?

Nicholas: You sure sounded like you wanted too!

Eugene: Hey, both of you, cut it out. Let’s just get to the motel. We’ve got a lot of people to interview in the morning.

---

Jesse: Have you ever heard of the Blair Witch?

Man: Oh sure, I’ve heard of it. My grandmother used to tell stories about it. Don’t stay up past your bedtime, or the Blair Witch will get ya. That sort of thing.

Jesse: Have you heard the legend of the Blair Witch?

Woman: Yeah, I heard of her.

Jesse: Where did you hear about her?

Woman: Oh, around. From the people who live here. I think there was also a documentary I saw, on Discovery Channel or something like that.

Jesse: What do you know about the Blair Witch?

Man: Well, there is this story about these kids who went missing, way back in 1940 or something like that. All these children, and no one knew what happened to them. And then, one day, this old hermit walks into town and says, ‘I’m finally finished’.

Jesse: What did he mean by that?

The police went up to his house, and they found the bodies of all those children in his cellar. Completely disemboweled. People said he would take them up there in twos, and lead them down to the cellar. He would make one of them stand in the corner while he killed the other, then he would go and kill the one in the corner.

Jesse: Oh my god. How could he do something like that?

Man: Well, get this. The guy said there was an old woman who lived in the woods around his house, and she was the one who told him to do it.

---

[Car engine stops, several car doors open and close.]

Eugene: Well, we’re here. Let’s get our stuff and get going. We want to get to coffin rock before it gets dark.

Jesse: Fuck, this bag is heavy.

Nicholas: Well, that’s what you get for overpacking.

Jesse: Shut up, Cox.

Eugene: Whoa, cool it, you two. Let’s just get going.

---

Jesse: Okay, I think we can use that footage.

Eugene: Yeah, it sounded pretty good. C’mon, let’s get the campsite set up.

[Sounds of tent being erected, muffled cursing.]

Nicholas: Oh fuck.

Eugene: What? Oh, c’mon. Seriously?

Nicholas: Bro, this cannot be happening.

Jesse: What’s going on?

Nicholas: It’s raining. It just started to fucking rain. There’s no way we’re going to be able to get a fire started in this weather.

Eugene: Well, let’s get everything covered up.

Jesse: Wait, wait, wait. What about food? How are we going to cook if we don’t have a fucking fire?

Eugene: Babe, we still have plenty of dried stuff. We’re not going to go hungry.

Nicholas: Yeah, babe.

Jesse: Shut the fuck up. And anyways, that junk tastes like dirt. Don’t we have any actual food?

Eugene: Sorry, babe, I don’t think we have anything that doesn’t require cooking.

Jesse: Well, this is off to a great start.

---

Nicholas: Dude, do you hear something?

[Rustling.]

Eugene: Did you seriously have to wake me up? What time is it?

Nicholas: I dunno, like 3 am? But did you hear that?

Eugene: No. Go back to sleep, Nick.

---

Jesse: Okay, where the fuck are we?

[Sounds of map being unfolded.]

Nicholas: We’re right here.

Jesse: No, we’re not. It would have taken us two hours to get there from coffin rock. It’s been four hours. We’re not even on a trail!

Nicholas: I told you, we have to go off trail for a bit to get to the cemetery.

Jesse: A bit? It’s been hours, Nicholas, hours! Admit it, you have no idea where we are.

Nicholas: I know exactly where we are. And we need to go this way.

Jesse: Like hell I’m trusting you. Give me the map.

Nicholas: No.

Jesse: Give me the fucking map, I swear to God-

Eugene: Jess, calm down a second. Nicholas knows where we are.

Jesse: Oh, so you’re taking his side now?

Eugene: I’m not trying to take anyone’s side. But I think we should go this way for a little bit longer at least.

---

Nicholas: Guys, I think found something, come check this out.

Eugene: Whoa, it looks like some sort of ancient burial ground or something.

Jesse: It looks like a bunch of piles of rocks.

Nicholas: Idiot, they were obviously put here for a reason. Gene, are you getting this on camera?

Eugene: Yeah, let me just get a little closer.

[Rocks clattering.]

Nicholas: Dude, seriously?

Eugene: Sorry man, I’ll put them back. You guys go and set up camp.

Nicholas: Alright.

---

[Laughter from outside the tent.]

Nicholas: Okay, I’m definitely hearing something. Jesse, hand me that flashlight.

Jesse: Mm no. Sleep.

Nicholas: Seriously dude, I can definitely hear something out there.

Eugene: Here’s the flashlight.

Nicholas: Do you hear it? It sounds like little kids, or something.

Eugene: Yeah, that’s kind of freaky. Maybe it’s just the wind?

Nicholas: Or maybe… I’m going to go check it out.

Eugene: Wait, we’re going to go with you. Jesse, c’mon.

Jesse: No.

Eugene: Jess, babe, please. Let’s go.

Jesse: Uh, fine.

[Rustling, tent flap unzipping.]

Nicholas: Oh my god that sound is so freaky.

Jesse: Holy fuck.

Eugene: Guys, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Nicholas: Wait, over there…

Eugene: Nick, no-

Nicholas: Oh my god! I think I see something!

Eugene: No, Nick! Jesse, c’mon!

[Heavy footsteps. Panting.]

Jesse: Shit, shit, shit.

Eugene: Nick, you okay?

Nicholas: Yeah, I’m fine, but I swore I saw something.

Eugene: Let’s just go back to the tent, okay?

Jesse: Yeah, let’s go, this place is creepy.

---

Nicholas: Guys, where’s the map?

Eugene: I thought you had it.

Nicholas: I did, and I always keep it in the same place. And it’s not there. Which means one of you guys must have it. Jesse?

Jesse: I didn’t take your fucking map.

Nicholas: You wanted it yesterday, though.

Jesse: Because you had no idea where the fuck we were going! But I didn’t take the map.

Nicholas: If this is some sort of joke, it’s not funny.

Nicholas: It’s not funny!

Eugene: Whoa, calm down. Are you sure you didn’t misplace it or something?

Nicholas: Yeah, I’m sure.

Nicholas: Seriously, if one of you guys took it…

Jesse: We didn’t!

---

Jesse: Oh my god. We’re so lost. We’re so fucking lost.

Nicholas: We’re not lost. We just need to keep going south.

Jesse: We’re going to die out here.

Nicholas: It’s literally impossible to get lost in America these days. If we keep walking, we’ll find something.

Jesse: My dad’s going to kill me if I don’t survive this trip.

Nicholas: Well, maybe if I still had the fucking map…

Jesse: For the last time, I didn’t take the map!

[Eugene begins laughing.]

Jesse: We’re so dead. We’re so dead.

[Eugene laughs louder.]

Nicholas: Seriously guys, where’s the map?!

Eugene: I- I threw it in the creek.

[Laughs.]

Jesse: What.

[Continues laughing.]

Eugene: I went, and I threw it in the creek! It was useless! Neither of you could read it, and you were just fighting, so I threw it in the creek.

Jesse: Oh my god. OH MY GOD! HOW COULD YOU FUCKING-

[Muffled shouts.]

Nicholas: Guys, guys stop! There’s no point in fighting now!

Jesse: HE! FUCKING! MY OWN FUCKING BOYFRIEND!

[Eugene continues laughing, slightly manically.]

Nicholas: Jesse, get off him! Jesse!

---

Jesse: Guys, I hear something outside the tent.

Nicholas: No. No. I’m not doing this again. I am staying inside the fucking tent tonight.

---

Eugene: Guys? Do you see this?

Nicholas: Yeah, we see it.

Eugene: Were these there when we made camp last night?

Nicholas: No, they weren’t.

Eugene: Are you sure?

Nicholas: I think I would have noticed if we made camp directly in the middle of three piles of rocks.

Jesse: Just ignore it, and let’s focus on getting the fuck out of this place.

---

Nicholas: Eugene, are you getting this?

Eugene: Yeah.

Jesse: What the fuck are those?

Nicholas: They look like some sort of witchy thing.

Jesse: Oh my god, this is getting out of hand. Actual witchcraft? Seriously?

Nicholas: Do you have a better explanation?

Jesse: I don’t know, maybe some locals put them here to scare us?

[Silence.]

Jesse: It was just a thought!

Eugene: Bro, there’s so many of them.

Nicholas: This is so fucking cool. Eugene, come over here and get some footage of this one.

Eugene: Do you think the witch put them out here?

Jesse: There is no witch!

Nicholas: I dunno, man. Here, watch this.

Eugene: Oh my god, don’t just take it! What about the witch?

Nicholas: There’s so many, no one will even notice. Besides, who cares? They’re just sticks tied together.

---

[Muffled sounds of footsteps outside the tent.]

Nicholas: Okay, I’m going to go figure out what the fuck that is.

[Sound of tent unzipping.]

Eugene: Dude, no, that’s such a bad idea.

Nicholas: Chill, I’m just going to shine the flashlight around outside a little bit.

[Silence.]

Eugene: Do you think he’s-

[Shouts.]

Eugene: Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

Eugene: Jesse, c’mon!

Jesse: Which way did he go?

Eugene: It sounds like he’s over there!

Jesse: Why did he leave?!

Eugene: I think we’re getting closer. Nick!

Jesse: Nicholas! Where are you?!

Eugene: Nick!

Jesse: I don’t hear anything anymore.

Eugene: Let’s look for a little bit longer, and then we’ll head back.

Jesse: Nicholas!

Eugene: Nick!

---

[Sound of tent flap unzipping.]

Eugene: Well, it’s morning and he isn’t- What the fuck is that? Oh no.

Jesse: Gene?

Eugene: Oh fuck no.

Jesse: It’s a bundle of sticks? And is that-? Oh my god.

Eugene: Nick’s flannel.

Jesse: Is that blood on it?

Eugene: I- I don’t know. I’m… going to take this away. You pack up the campsite.

Jesse: Okay.

[Footsteps walking away.]

Eugene: Oh my god, oh my god. How- how did this happen?

Eugene: Okay. Okay. You just gotta see what’s inside it. Nick is fine. Nick is fine.

[Sound of branches rustling.]

Eugene: Fuck. Fuck…

[Sobs.]

Eugene: Oh my god, this is my fault. This is my fault. Nick…

[Louder sobs.]

Eugene: My fault. My fault. My fault.

---

[Muffled screams.]

Eugene: Jesse, wake up! I hear him!

Jesse: Who?

Eugene: Nicholas! I can hear Nicholas shouting! C’mon, we have to go!

[Sound of tent unzipping.]

Jesse: Are you sure it’s him?

Eugene: Who else could it be? Grab the flashlights, let’s go!

[Hurried footsteps.]

Eugene: I think I hear it coming from somewhere up there!

Jesse: Nicholas!

Eugene: Nick! Buddy! Where are you?!

Jesse: Oh my god, is that a house?

Eugene: I think that’s where it’s coming from.

Jesse: Nicholas! Are you there?!

Eugene: It looks pretty abandoned.

[Door creaks open.]

Eugene: I don’t think anyone’s been in here in like, forever. Nick, bro, you there?

Jesse: Nicholas!

[Floorboards creaking.]

Jesse: Oh my god are you seeing this?

Eugene: Are those handprints? Really tiny handprints?

Jesse: Kids handprints. Oh my fucking god.

Eugene: Nick, where are you?!

Jesse: It looks like there’s the rest of the house, and then the basement.

Eugene: I’ll check the basement. You check the upper rooms.

Jesse: Okay.

[Footsteps go down the basement stairs.]

Eugene: Nick, are you here?

Eugene: Nick?

Eugene: Oh fuck, fuck-

[Static.]

Jesse: Nicholas! Look, I know I was being an ass, but this isn’t funny! Seriously, just come out already!

Jesse: Nicholas?

Jesse: Gene?

Jesse: Guys?

[Footsteps go down the basement stairs.]

Jesse: Oh my god, Gene-

[Static.]

---

Posted on AO3

[magaprima]

Okay, so the whole Lilith ‘torturing’ Nick thing (and I put the torturing in quote marks, because I feel torment is more accurate, since she appeared to, for the most part to just be leaving him looking a bad court jester while tied up in front of everyone. There was no actual torture. Aside from taking his tongue, technically, but I’ll be going into that in a minute). 

Some people say that Lilith’s treatment of him was out of character and others say it’s the reasons she’s pure evil and they’re glad Sabrina took her crown. I disagree, personally, with both these statements.

Nick bound Lilith’s rib in Part 2 when they stopped the Adam Creature killing Sabrina. Now, I don’t entirely disagree with them binding Lilith from their viewpoint; they see her as a threat, as dangerous, as someone who wants to kill Sabrina (though they have her motivations all wrong), so yeah, I understand them wanting to make sure she can’t go anywhere. That isn’t my issue with that scene.

My issue is how much Nick appears to enjoy it. 

He doesn’t just bind her, he doesn’t just make sure she can’t leave the house, he keeps her trapped in a chair, her arms and hands flat at the sides, unable to move very much at all, even her head isn’t able to move very much. This is quite extreme, all things considered, as the rib alone would be enough to stop her doing anything reckless, her being free to move, or at least sit comfortably in a chair wouldn’t effect that. This scene feels so uncomfortable because we have a woman, a confirmed victim of abuse, trapped with a man having full autonomy over her body, even to the point of how much she moves her head. 

Then, there’s the way he leans over, the way he makes use of this autonomy, towering over her and there is a threatening nature here that is reminiscent of the Dark Lord, and then when he lifts her chin, forcing her to look at him, it is a direct parallel to Lucifer doing exactly the same thing in the next episode. 

So with this all in mind, this is certainly not something Lilith is going to forget. Lilith is not someone who easily forgives in general, and certainly not when the person in question is a man. For Lilith, who not only was treated this way in the Garden and then had that treatment justified by the False God, but has spent thousands of years being treated like this, and much much worse, by someone she once trusted, this whole scenario is definitely going to be triggering. This whole thing is going to have one incredibly bad tally against Nick’s name. 

So, in light of that, and in light of how Lilith can be incredibly violent when angry, the fact the most she does is chain him up in front of everyone and half-dress him in a mock jester outfit, and, by Nick’s own words, ‘humiliate’ him (he never says tortured. He only ever says humiliated which is a different thing entirely), is probably, in Lilith’s view, being extremely generous with him.

Then factor in that inside Nick is the Dark Lord. Her abuser. Lilith and Lucifer obviously have an extremely complicated dynamic and history, but it’s undeniable, both within the way the writers, directors and actors portray it and the way we all see it, that Lucifer is her abuser, both mentally and physically. And there he is, trapped inside a flesh acheron, powerless within reason. The temptation Lilith would have had to finally have some revenge, to attack him, beat him, inflict everything she had suffered...but instead she humiliates him. Yes, she humiliates Nick, but she’s humilating the Dark Lord. 

It’s no coincidence that he doesn’t make any physical takeover in the court, as he does in the Academy, because to speak as the Dark Lord while dressed like that, chained to the floor at Lilith’s feet would have been a humiliation Lucifer could not have recovered from in the eyes of the court. 

Similarly, the taking of his tongue. We see when he’s at the Academy how much damage he does, how he whispers in everyone’s ear, how he even is able to take away the coven’s magic and infest them with those devil bugs etc. It’s not unlikely that he was talking a lot when Nick first woke up in Hell, that he would verbally torment Lilith, threatening her, undermining her, making her doubt herself, making her afraid etc. Lilith also knows exactly what he’s capable of. Taking the tongue away means he can’t do any of that; he can’t whisper and he can’t use Nick’s body to cast spells. The Dark Lord is literally zero threat while he’s under Lilith’s watch and while his tongue is in a jar. I think there’s as much logic as there is pleasure in Lilith’s decision here.

And for that matter even Sabrina herself doesn’t seem to view the treatment of Nick as something torturous and evil (she seems to condemn what’s happening to Jesse much more) and seems only exasperated when she realises he doesn’t even have his tongue. Nick has suffered, yes, but much more at the hands of the Dark Lord and within his own mind, and Lilith’s actions are far from evil and far from vicious (by Hell’s standards she’s positively wonderful to him), and they do serve a purpose as well; they keep the Dark Lord subdued, they keep him silent, they keep him from attacking them. Lilith seems to be the only one who knows the true threat Lucifer is if he got free and she does everything to ensure it won’t happen. The fact that means she has to punish Nick at the same time would have been a necessary factor to Lilith, and considering what I said about the scene with the rib, probably something she wasn’t exactly unhappy about. 

Nick did volunteer to be that Acheron and this is what it entailed. Personally, I think the worst thing is he did all that, and then Sabrina went and became Queen of Hell anyway and Lucifer is back where he was before. Nick went through all that for nothing. 

[ziracona]

What happens in Far Cry 5? I literally only know about it through your posts

Uhhh, okay so this is gonna be a little long but here goes. So, Far Cry games are always you (some PC, changes per game) vs some dictator/cult leader/mass gang leader type sitch. Apparently 4 also ends with an unhappy ending no matter what, but no other game ends remotely like 5 does, and 5 also is the only one to take place in the US or vs Americans.

So, Far Cry 5 takes place in Montana. Basically, there’s a doomstay offshoot-‘Christian’ extremist cult calling themselves Project at Eden’s Gate, following a white dude named Joseph Seed and his siblings (biological brothers Jacob and John, and adopted [kind of – more like recruited to fill a cult role] sister Faith). You play as a rookie deputy from rural Montana, going on this assignment with Deputies Pratt and Hudson, Sherriff Whitehorse, and US Marshal Burke. You begin the game headed to the cult’s center to arrest their leader, Joseph, because a guy in the cult livestreamed a little of a service secretly to try and expose them, was caught, and had his eyes ripped out by Joseph and then was killed on the stream, so you’re there to arrest him. Mostly law enforcement are afraid to go in because it’s several thousand radical insane Americans with SMGS in a cult in the middle of fuckall nowhere Montana, so yeah. Anyway. You show up and arrest Joseph, but a bunch of his followers (PEGies for project at eden’s gate) swarm the helicopter and you crash and the correspondent at the sheriff’s office is working with the cult, so all of you get grabbed initially, except the PC, who gets grabbed not by the cult but by a stranger. You wake up tied to a bedpost and confronted by the stranger who debates a second then decides to let you go and try to fight the cult instead of turning you in, and introduces himself as Dutch. He gives you a breakdown of what stuff is like here, which is, uhhhh, bad. Basically, the people here are trapped because they’ll get kidnapped trying to leave, but the cult comes for everyone eventually. John physically abuses/tortures people into accepting the whole cult “power of Yes” thing and confessing their ‘sins,’ which he then tattoos on their body, then cuts the slab of skin off their chest to staple to his wall, which is part of their initiation into the cult, as is the torture, forced baptism, and implied sexual assault by him as well. Joseph has given your coworkers to a sibling each, respectively, sans the Sheriff, who was sent to one but escaped like you did. John has Hudson, the only female deputy (unless the PC is playing as woman as well). Faith has the Marshall and was supposed to get the Sheriff, and Jacob has Pratt. You want to save your friends and Dutch wants to help, but also asks you to help the people in the community, so you do.

Basically, the cult has many ways of converting people, but also kill a fuck ton of civilians. There’s a lot of times you’ll be driving down a road and see a civilian tied up with their hands behind their back on their knees and two cultists about to execute them (usually someone who tried to flee whose car they ran off the road), and you have a very failable but potential chance to save them. A lot of these people can become your NPC companions as well and help you fight the cult if you do. I’ve gotten very good at sniping, because if a cultist sees you coming, they’ll execute any prisoners so you have no chance to save them. Definitely saved hundreds of people at this point, but it wasn’t easy. Anyway. Also you’ll see vans of prisoners being carted off (usually one or two from a house at a time), and you can shoot the driver and save them if you’re careful. But a lot of the time you show up to try to help people to find them already murdered, or hung up like a scarecrow in a field with flowers stuffed into their emptied stomach, being used for target practice. On an alter, or hung from a ceiling with deer horns tied to them. Staked through on the side of the road with a cult cross. Starved or shot to death in cages. It’s pretty grim.

Anyway, so you go around answering calls for help, doing your best to slowly track down your friends, but also help all the poor suffering people being murdered and abused by this awful cult. There are random NPCs who can be companions, plus specialists, who are more quest-designed-to-be-met characters. These include Jess, Dutch’s niece, who you find in a cage to be shipped to Jacob for psychological torture and brainwashing (I’ll get to him), a puma I loved named Peaches, a pilot named Nick who is just trying to get his family out of town and resist the cult’s attempts to steal his property or buy it out (they stole or bought land and stuff from /everyone/ and took advantage of/ransacked the whole community), but will stay to help you, and a puppy named Boomer whose family called for help that came to late and were shot to death in front of him. You find him in a cage being kicked at by cultists and save him, and watch him go cry over his dead family, then take in as your own.  

Stuff goes better, though, and you make progress. There’s a lot of strongholds you can help protect, like a little town where the resident preacher and the bar owner lady are trying to keep the whole place from being overrun by the cult, and a jail up east where the sheriff and a bunch of survivors/rebels are holed up trying to survive Faith. Basically the area is broken up into three districts, and whichever you complete missions in, you get closer to a fight with that Seed sibling (also you get kidnapped and have to listen to them monologue so much. Kill me).

So John will kidnap you and force baptize you, tie you to a chair and tell you how he’s going to torture (and implied assault) you until you scream out your sins, then you escape but he does all that to Hudson, who you can’t save for another chunk of time, and he punishes brutally and is super fucked up by the time you finally rescue her. She tells you that Joseph (the leader—thinks he is God’s chosen prophet and calls himself “the Father”) would come and watch her and the others be tortured and they’d beg for mercy and he’d just stand there and watch. She’s super messed up but alive, and you’re able to get her out and kill John, but not before he kidnaps you and the preacher, bar lady, and Nick the family man, then forces Nick to confess his sins (under threat of awful shit happening to his wife and infant daughter if he does not), and then be held down and have his chest flesh cut off by John and stapled to a wall. You get forcibly tattooed with a sin but escape before suffering the same bc the preacher keeps a gun in his bible. Anyway. Digressing. You eventually kill John and rescue Hudson.

Over in Jacob’s territory, people are inducted into the cult by being kidnapped, psychologically and physically tortured, and straight up mind-controlled to go into fits of rage at a specific song being played. They are pitted against each other in some eugenicist “only the strong survive, sacrifice the weak” bullshit. There’s a militia called the Whitetails there, fighting back. Before you meet them, though, you’re kidnapped by Jacob and strapped to a chair, then subjected to psychological torture to try to condition you to kill the weak. You wake up days later, barely alive, left for dead having seemed to resist/fail his trials, still strapped to a chair. Among a ton of other dead bodies. Some of the Whitetails show up, looking for survivors, expecting none, and find you. Though everyone else protests it is too big a risk and you might be brainwashed, one guy, Eli, orders the others to take you anyway and says he won’t leave you to die. You pass out and wake up again on a couch in a bunker, and a lady screams about you being a risk and needing to go, but Eli defends you again, then gives you something to drink and takes care of you/nurses you back to health and defends you from the more paranoid members. When you’re up again, he introduces you to the militia fighting Jacob’s people, and asks for your help rescuing some people in the same situation you were in. You then start to work with the Whitetails.

Periodically, your PC gets kidnapped by Jacob again and tortured each time/brainwashed. You escape with help from the militia and from Pratt, later, who was kidnapped and broken by Jacob, but isn’t gone, just terrified and fucked up. Deputy Pratt risks his life to rescue you when you’re in trouble and you try to escape together, but the brainwash song plays and he shoves you onto a convoy so you can escape, but doesn’t make it himself before snapping into a rage, and is recaptured, brutally punished and tortured by Jacob, and then left tied to a chair to starve to death in a cell for what he did. The player is captured again, and railroaded into, in one of the brainwashed fits of rage, killing Eli himself. : (  They then snap out of it, and infuriated and anguished, go to kill Jacob and save Pratt. Pratt is still alive, but super psychologically scarred. You kill Jacob.

I should note here that you can do the sibs in any order—for example, I did Faith’s first—but I am listing them in their kind of ‘suggested’ order. John, Jacob, Faith.

So, Faith. The way she gets people is drugs. She uses a compound she calls “Bliss” to drug people out of their minds. After you are drugged up enough, you suffer irreparable brain damage and cannot be cured. She does this to hundreds of people so that the cult can have “happy little slaves” to do all the hard work and meat-shield shit they need without ever fighting back or questioning it. You are kidnapped by her as well, multiple times. Or something??? With Faith you always hallucinate, so it’s really unclear and kinda bullshit. Anyway. You help the Sheriff and everyone holed up in the jail fight off a wave of cultists, keep doing your rescue poor civilians from awful deaths or lives as drugged up vegetable slaves. Faith keeps trying to win you over and get you to do her awful pilgrimage where people climb up a giant statue of Joseph and trust-fall jump off his bible to their deaths. This whole game and cult is really horrific. Eventually, you find the Marshal and save him, but he is really far gone. He’s hospitalized in the jail for a while after. Faith gets pissed at you after that and quits trying to win you over. Just drugs you and shows you how she’s mind controlling the Marshal, who is still under too much of her brain damage and control, into murdering one of his friends, then opening the gates to the jail so her people can get in, and then shooting himself in the head. The Marshal always does so and dies, as does one of his/your friends. And a ton of people at the jail. You run to try to save the Sheriff after helping the survivors at the jail, and fight Faith, who whines about how none of this is her fault the whole time after making the Marshal murder your friend and himself with her own hands while giggling at you about how it’s all your fault five minutes ago, and tries to get you not to kill her. You do, though, and she monologues about Joseph being the real deal, then dies. You find the sheriff almost drugged to the point of no return in a cell, going to hang himself to death while singing Amazing Grace while you can’t do shit to get into the room to stop him, but awake and himself enough inside to plead with you to shut off the gas pumps for the drugs before he hangs himself, before going back to smiling and singing and pulling up a chair under a noose. You run to shut off the gas, save him, blow up the bunker, and get out.

Joseph then kidnapps all your ally characters and drugs them with Bliss into being on his side and rants at you about how all their torture and death is your fault and you are awful for murdering his siblings, then offers to let people go if you walk away. You can do so, in which case your allies get in a car with you, only for the son that triggers rage and homicide in Pratt and the PC to play, implying before the cut to black that the deputy (and Pratt maybe) kill all your friends/each other.

If you resist Joseph, he shrieks at you about not all problems being solved by a bullet, and you have a boss fight where you save your friends/snap them out of it, then defeat Joseph.

Once he’s in cuffs, a nuclear bomb goes off because apparently in this world North Korea bombs the US just then or some shit, and you try to make it to Dutch’s bunker in time. You’re in a car crash and all the other deputies and the sheriff are instantly killed. You are unconscious and dragged away by Joseph. You wake in the bunker tied to a bed with Dutch’s body on the floor, and Joseph tells you he was a prophet and was right about the collapse and you’re his family now because his old one is dead and the game ends.

 That’s it.

And in the DLC for it, that makes not only that the canon end, but that the Deputy joins Joseph and is converted to a cult follower by him, and Joseph is now an ally character leading the remnants of his cult.

 Needless to say, I am pissed. This is the /only/ Far Cry game where the villain wins regardless, as well as the only one where they suddenly decide to …??? stan??? the torturing abusive brainwashing serial killer? And of course it’s the one in America where the enemy is a hyper-religious Christian-offshoot cultist brainwashing vile serial torture murdering messiah-complex gaslighting abusive white man who thinks he’s God. I am beyond disgusted by that choice in this game and glad I found out before finishing it; wish I had never played any at all. I cannot adequately describe to you how horrific the cult shit is, and how like, gaslit by the company I feel for having played this game and being thrown that. I think this is legitimately the most upset I’ve ever been about a video game’s writing choice. What the actual fuck. Like, I cannot describe to you enough how fucked up this is you’d have to see the shit they do that’s getting pushed in a face-heel turn by the company as somehow justified and sympathetic like. As someone who has firsthand both experienced and seen trauma from an over-religious area of the US, and just a tiny % over-religious-lead-terrible-actions? I cannot emphasize enough how disgusted and enraged I am.