#summer destination in isabel

[shellwanders]

Moussaka Nature Park: How to Get There?

Want to Chill? Want to Swim? Want to do everything with a view? Don’t fret because you can do everything in Moussaka Nature Park. Traveling to Moussaka Nature Park��for the first time? This detailed and curated travel guide will make it easy for you to navigate your way inside, save money, and maximize your time. View this post on Instagram A post shared by 🌈 Shell (@shellwanders) Follow me in…

[siribaes]

beggin’

armando aretas x (oc) [ black!fem! ]

a decade ago armando spent an unforgettable summer with an unforgettable girl, who taught him everything. his sex teacher. now decade later he’s face to face with the teacher once again, determined to show that her lessons didn’t go to waste.

contents: some dom & sub dynamics. voice fixation. size kink. praise kink. pet names. fingering. brief! p in v. cūnnilingus. p!ssydrunk armando bc duh. slight impact play (no face slapping!) they’re in love but in denial about it, minor drug mention, etc. mdni!

suggested tunes📻: elevator by flo rida & timbaland, strip tease by danity kane, get naked (i got a plan) by britney spears, radio by girlicious, virtual diva by don omar, push by enrique igelsias

author’s note: this is slight au, so think of this being the early stages of the revenge plot prior to isabel’s escape. lol the chokehold that the long lost love/lovers reuniting has lol >> i tried to make this as filthy as a possible :) not proofread or edited!

club exquisite was in full swing. bodies packed the building, from wall to wall, people were dancing, drinking, or doing both simultaneously. multicolored strobe lights swirled and danced, combinations of blues, greens and reds illuminated the dance floor, complimenting the dj’s killer set of miami’s finest.

it was lively and fun.

armando, however, was having anything but.

tucked away in a corner booth of the v.i.p., armando sat bored out of his mind, sipping on way too sweet champagne. he should’ve been doing something more useful with his time. instead, he was stuck playing babysitter for the son of a future drug connect, all this per his mother’s instructions.

. . .this marriage between his son and your cousin, alejandra will benefit us. our partnership will bring us one step closer, it’s all apart of the grand design mijo. . .

was sipping champagne that tasted like super sugary, ginger ale a part of the grand design? apparently. watching the groom-to-be snort a line of coke off of girl’s ass was a part of the grand design too. armando took another sip from the flute before sitting it down on table, watching as the girl giggled and kissed sebastian on the mouth. armando never cared for sebastian, they were just so different from one another. sebastian was a pretty boy who liked pretty things, he never worked a day in his life and instead of doing his own thing, he basked in the glory of his father’s notoriously ruthless reputation. armando was self-made, haunted by his father’s death and forged by the fire of mother’s imprisonment. armando blazed his own path and was destined for greater things.

yet, he was here in miami, clubbing with sebastian’s and his pack of idiot friends.

a heavy hand shook him out of his thoughts.

“primo,” sebastian slurred. he swiped at his runny nose, before running hand down his half buttoned shirt. “c’mon, we’re going to the real v.i.p.,”

slightly relieved, armando followed sebastian as the bachelor party were lead by security out of the main dance floor. as they weaved between the crowd, armando trailed slightly behind, keeping a careful eye out on the crowd. despite never being in a fight in this his life, sebastian had a fuck ton of enemies. he was like that. the music became a faint murmuring as the group walked through a door and into an elaborately painted hallway. the walls were a warm golden color, while the ceiling and its floors were covered in mirrored tile. the group continued on, armando continued to linger in the back. amongst the drunken laughter of sebastian and his friends, was this clicking sound.

click! . . . click! . . . click!

armando searched around for the sound as they continued down the hallway, eyes roamed around until he found the source, woman in a pair of high heels. they weren’t just any, regular pair of heels, they were black-patent leather so kate louboutins. fortunately enough for armando he’s familiar with the shoe, he may or may not have purchased a pair or two for his past situationships. armando continues to observe; taking in the details, the woman’s shapely and toned legs, the rich brown skin, and the intricate zipper tattoo that began at the back of her ankle, and traveled up her leg. the remainder of tattoo was lost from the fabric of her dress.

a curiosity sparked inside of armando, watching the woman confidently strut the mirrored floor. he wanted to see just how far the tattoo went. she continued leaving a lingering smell in her wake. it was a combination of warm and spicy, like cinnamon and peach pie. her fragrance filled the molecules in the air he could practically taste it. after turning a corner, the group came to halt in front of pair of doors. from the other side, a pair of security guards opened up the doors.

sebastian and his friends drunkenly ooo-ed and ahh-ed and the ornate nature of the room. armando could care less about the sliver couch, the decked-out bar or the strippers that awaited them upon their arrival, he focused on her. although he got better view, she still alluded him, he could see her from the back, fully, a black bandage dress, accentuated her curves and that ass. . . it looked so round and perky like you could bounce a quarter off it, or grab a handful.

something slowly churned inside of armando as he moved further into the room. he leisurely grabbed a seat on the far end of the couch, with the hopes of seeing his mystery girl's face. the party continued on with the speakers on the room ceiling playing a feed of the dj’s set back out on the dance floor. sebastian and his groomsmen settled on the couch, excited for their lap dances. the lights dimmed too, not enough obscure one’s sight completely, but dark enough to bring on a certain atmosphere to the space.

armando scanned the room for his mystery girl. somehow she’s disappeared on him.

“aren’t you pretty one,” a voice whispered to him, distracting armando from his search. standing before was a woman, one of the strippers. her voice was overly smoky and performative. even the way she batting her long, wispy lashes, she was trying way too hard. he tilted his head away from his obstructed view, “you wanna dance, papí?” armando glanced up at her, a laugh bubbled up inside of him, he suppressed it, for her sake of course.

“nah, sweetheart. i’m good,” armando rasped. the woman shrugged, on to the next. when the stripper moved, standing directly in his sight was his mystery girl. even through the darkness, she was as clear as day.

her heart-shaped face, her button nose and glossy lips, her disney-drawn eyes, brown and wide, in they way they’ve always looked when she was shocked or anxious.

armando’s mystery girl, was no mystery at all. he knew her.

before he could call out to her, she bolted out of the room through the doors. armando glanced at sebastian, who was having a grand ‘ol time being motorboated by a voluptuous stripper. he’s fine. armando took off, following the cinnamon-peachy scent out to the hallway.

she was almost at the end of the hallway. . .

“leyna?” she stopped. she slowly turned around and faced him. “you runnin’ from me?”

her brows furrowed. “i wasn’t running. i was just. . .getting some air,”

armando’s lips twitched. he sauntered over, baring no shame is as he took, no, drank leyna in. it’s been so long, his eyes roamed over leyna. armando took his time, observing, noting every single detail, both old and new. he zeroes in on her legs, watching has she nervously bounces her right leg, the tattooed one. her louboutins make a soft clicking noise against the floor.

armando smirks.

“still shakin’. . .you must be nervous,” armando gestured, it was a tick leyna’s had since she was a kid. leyna frowned, she stopped bouncing. she folded arms around her chest.

“please, i’m not nervous,” she sassed. her glossy lips pursed, forming into a small pout. such a brat. he wanted to kiss the pout off her lips. “anyways, what are you doing here, in miami?”

for a moment, he thinks. armando could tell her the truth flat out: he’s here in miami for business, and his only job was ensuring that sebastian, sober or not, makes it down the isle. . .or he could stretch the truth out. make it a game for himself. anything to distract leyna, even if it’s for a short while.

so, armando shrugs. “business,”

“business? that’s it? it’s been ten years armando, that’s all you have to say?”

armando steps closer to leyna. his over 6-foot frame easily towers over her petite 5-foot-3 frame. has she always been so tiny? he reaches out towards her, the corner of his lips twitch as leyna’s chest rises as her breath catches in her throat. he twirls a long strand of between his fingers, before giving it a gentle tug.

“s’ somewhere we can talk?”

“armando,” leyna sighed. her voice was all high and pitchy, it scratched a certain part of his brain. a flood of memories came surging through. he need hear leyna say his name like that again. “i’m working. both of us should get b-back,”

leyna moves past him, armando doesn’t protest. as she starts walking away, armando reaches into his pant’s pocket.

“how much?” leyna spins around on her heels. a flicker of curiosity dances in her eyes.

“huh?” armando watches leyna eyes light up even more when pulls a money clip out. he thumbs through several bills before he lifts it up.

“its ‘bout three g’s in my hand. should be enough for a shift plus tips, yeah?” her eyes bounce between the money and armando. he can see the wheels in her mind turn, she chews on the bottom of her glossy lips.

“10-minutes. that’s all i can do,” armando nodded. he placed the money in her hand, his fingers gently brushed against hers. ten minutes is all he needs.

armando follows leyna down the hallway, opposite of the party. his eyes roamed, watching leyna’s body sway as she walked. he shouldn’t be turned on from a walk but he was. leyna didn’t walk, she glided. so effortless, and so easy, better then any it was something about seeing her so confidence all these years later. it was refreshing, armando dealt with so many fakes and try hards in his line of business. leyna’s confidence was real. she was real.

“i can feel you staring,” leyna sassed. they stop at a door, she quickly inputs a set of numbers on a keypad. the door clicks.

“i like what i see,” leyna shakes her head, she opens the door, stepping aside to let armando walk in front of her.

the room itself was half the size of the v.i.p. room, and opposite in aesthetics too. the walls were painted a nice, creamy beige, with a matching colored couch. on the far wall, there was an elaborate shelf display old-used bottles of champagne. armando steps inside, taking the room in. the door softly closes, with a click. the room is quiet.

“so,” leyna drawls. she takes a seat on the couch. armando follows suit, sitting next to her. their knees almost graze each others. she flips her hair over her shoulder. “wanna tell me the real reason why you’re here in miami?”

armando chuckles. “a wedding. my cousin ‘s gettin’ married,”

“alejandra?” she remembered, of course she did. she was always to so knowledgeable and attentive. she used to be like that to him.

“yeaaah. she’s been lovin’ bein’ in charge of everybody with the plannin’ and stuff,”

“i hope she’s not bogging you down too much,” his lips tipped into a teeny-tiny smile. she still was still the ever-doting teacher, worried about her student.

“nah. wedding plannin’ ain’t my thing. besides, i’m just assigned babysittin’ duty for sebastian,”

“mhm. i would’ve never paired them together. alejandra, from what i remembered, was so kind, and funny, smart too! sebastian is just a grade-a asshole who likes wreck every club he goes to and piss in public,” armando chuckles as leyna shivers, maybe recalling a memory. armando reaches for the hem of her dress, he toys with it between his fingers. she doesn’t stop him.

“she loves ‘em i guess,” part of that was true, their marriage was arranged yet, alejandra told him that she’s learned to love parts of sebastian. there’s a part of him that wished it wasn’t like that for her.

“i wish her the best,” leyna spoke solemnly.

the room fell quiet, armando still toyed with the edge of leyna’s dress. he tipped his head, looking at leyna.

“you’ve been good though, yeah,” he meant for it to be question but it came out as a statement. she had to be good though, she looked good, and had this fancy ass job at one of miami’s most exclusive clubs. life had to be good.

leyna’s leg began to bounce, as she twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “yeah, i guess. my life’s been pretty boring since you’ve seen me,”

“tell me,”

“well. . .” leyna trailed. her leg still bounced. armando wanted grab her ankle and make her stop. why was his girl nervous? “i graduated, i gotta b.a. in business administration, got this hostess job short after, met my best friend ana here, let me tell you she’s literally the best cook,” she was rambling, slightly, but armando didn’t care, he wanted to know every single detail. he missed his girl, his bambi. they need to make up for lost time.

“we’re going into business together, a restaurant. i’m going to take care of all the logistics, put my degree to good use, finally. so, yeah, i’m really excited about it, as you can see. but yeah, uhm, what else, i was engaged,”

armando stopped toying with the hem. he turned and took her fully, her right leg bounced even more so. that’s what she was nervous about.

“what happened?”

“uhm,” her beautiful features held a pained expression. a twinge of anger sprouted inside of armando, seeing her like this. whoever made his girl upset needed their ass kicked, especially by him. “to make a long story short, he cheated, multiple times actually. i just got tired being the laughing stock in every room,” she lowered her gaze and fiddled her hands.

armando slowly reached for leyna’s hands. her hands were so soft under his touch. with his thumb, he drew light circles on the back of her hands. a strange emotion was bubbling up inside him, he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was. a little anger, some jealousy, a little sadness too, it was just too much fully explain but the his urge was clear. armando wanted to pull her close, and take care of her like she truly deserves.

“he didn’t deserve you,” she looks at him now, her big brown eyes all wide and glossed over. long lashes fluttered against the tops of her round cheeks, her resemblance to bambi was spot-on. the air became thick around them, and that urge, thrummed in his bones.

armando wanted leyna and he wanted her bad.

“you deserved somebody that’ll take care of you,” he rasped. his words were sincere and true, leyna was one of the kindest, tentative, sweetest people he had ever known. she shown him a kindness when most people wouldn’t. leyna deserved the world, and then some. “you deserve someone who’s gonna protect you, an’ spoil you, an’ just fuckin’ be there,” words were spilling out of his mouth now, like faucet left on. he leans in closer to her, glancing down her glossy lips. he licked his own. “bambi, you deserve someone that can make you feel good,” armando was so dangerously close he could see a breath get caught in leyna’s throat, her chest slight rose up in response. he caught a glimpse of leyna’s jet-black bra that held up her ample cleavage. the peachy-cinnamon smell radiated off the column of her neck, it enticed him, slowly drawing him closer and closer to her.

armando leaned his forehead against her’s.

“fuck, bambi,”

“. . .armando,” leyna whispered. her voice was so pitchy and soft, it smoothed over him. it triggered a hunger for leyna, more veracious than ever before. ten years of distance and unresolved feelings, danced in his blood. his palms itched with desire to squeeze and caress leyna’s soft skin. he wanted to touch the softest part of her.

“please. bambi, ‘jus lemme care take of you, make you feel good. . . i never get what i want,”

leyna back away from him, keeping a steady gaze, she caressed the side of armando’s cheek. her manicured acrylics lightly scratched at his goatee. a bolt of electricity shot through his body when her thumb swiped at his bottom lip.

“i’ve only been with a few men after you,” leyna confessed. “none of them, including my ex, made me feel good like you did. you were the only one,”

armando groaned, lowly. everything in him surged to the surface, so much so he was bursting at the seams.

“c’mere,” leyna obliged. he pulls her in for a kiss. at first it was chaste and sweet, armando tried to ease into the kiss, but the pillowy, softness of her lips and her sweet peachy smell drove him insane. he deepened the kiss, moving his lips hungrily, against hers, while he cradled her head. when he licked her lips, leyna opened her mouth to allow him to explore with her with his tongue. she tasted like peach pie.

"i need it," leyna moaned into his mouth. armando hovered over her lips.

"you say somethin' bambi," he teased, he slid his hands down her frame, stopping at her ass. he rubbed and squeezed, before smacking it. she squeaked.

"baby, please," leyna whimpered, she climbed into armando's lap. she slowly, ground down on his lap, she gasped, feeling his hardness. the look she had in her eyes, a mix of lust and longing, shot straight through him and went to his dick. he snaked a hand towards the back of her neck, he gently gripped the soft flesh. she stopped her movement.

"take that fuckin' dress off," he groaned. leyna blinks. she rose from his lap and proceeded to shimmy out of the dress. she let it pool at her feet before stepping out of it. armando couldn't help himself, all of her smooth curves, and deep rich skin, he just wanted to take a big bite of her. he pulled her back to the couch, switching places, and slid between her legs.

there was no pretense, armando immediately spread her legs wide went straight for leyna's pussy. with his thumb he rubs at her clothed pussy. he revels in the small squelching noise that her pussy makes. leyna whimpers, looking down at him with those big, brown eyes. he chuckles.

“still sensitive?” leyna quickly nods. armando chuckles again, he peels her to the side, admiring the slivery trail of arousal that drips from her pussy onto the fabric. he hums. such a pretty pussy. leyna's pink pussy drips and drools with arousal, fully open and ready, all for him. with calloused thumbs, armando rubs small, droopy circles on the inner parts of leyna's thighs. he inched forward, replacing his fingers with chaste kisses, they create goosebumps on leyna's skin. he licks his lips, keeping his eyes on leyna, kisses her clit.

"fuck! armando,"

he anticipates. before she could ask, armando lays his tongue flat against leyna’s dripping core.

“oo-ooh,” she coos. “you ‘remembered,”

how could he forget, images of him buried between leyna’s shaky legs are burned into his brain. countless lessons from her, teaching him, guiding him. he swears he can hear her voice, way back when during that time.

. . .spread your tongue, a little to the left. yeah ‘just like that, s’ good. good boy. . .

a forceful yank on armando’s curls bring him back to reality. he adjusts his grip on leyna’s thighs, spreading them wider, the pads of his thumbs caressing the plushness.

“fuuuck me! oh my g-god,” leyna whines. armando smiles against her skin, his tongue licks a long stripe against leyna’s core. her arousal is sweet, like peach ice cream. it’s the sweetest thing he’s ever, will ever taste. his sweet girl. armando groans, pulling back slightly, he brings his calloused thumb to leyna’s swollen nub. armando rubs her clit, reveling in her response to his touch. she practically glows, deep brown skin, completely flushed, reddening a bit at her chest. her glossy lips formed into a cute pout, her bottom lip poking ever so slightly, just begging to be kissed, to be bitten by him. seeing her so overwhelmed, so pleasured, sends wave of arousal through armando. his erection painfully rubs against the fabric of his slacks.

“eyes on me, baby,” armando rasps. leyna’s struggle to stay open, succumbing to euphoria between her legs. smack! leyna’s disney-drawn eyes shoot open, to look down at armando. for a moment armando sees something flicker in them, it strips him bare, milliseconds feel like years under her gaze. armando pulls back, spitting directly onto leyna’s pussy. with a new vigor, he dives back in, his tongue licks and drags up and down her softness. his tongue swirls the mix, leyna’s honeyed arousal and his spit, gathering and spreading it onto her clit. he begins suckling the nub, feeling leyna’s sugary essence drip down his goateed chin.

“a-armando! wait s-slow down,”

“uh-uh. you’re my big girl,” he spits, again. armando slurps leyna’s clit, hard. no better then a starving man. “you can take it,”

“c-cumin’. i’m cumin’ baby, pleaseee,” leyna lets out a melodious whine. better than any song or music he’s ever heard. nothing can compare to his girl’s angelic voice, all pitchy and delicate. it’s music to his ears.

“ 's i got you. i got you bambi, let it out,” armando drawls. he sucks at leyna’s clit as it throbs against his tongue. her legs clamp down around armando’s head, this makes him push harder to get her over the edge. he switches his approach, one hand pries open leyna’s leg, with the other he slips his middle finger inside her entrance, slowly prodding her open, he flattens his tongue to lap at her clit. with the other hand he reaches, palming one of her bra covered breasts.

“s-shit! don’t stop please,” leyna is babbling now. she rakes her nails through armando’s thick curls. armando can feel her tightening around his middle finger. she’s close. . .

bam! the band snaps. leyna orgasms hard.

her sugary, syrupy essence flows out of her. leyna holds armando’s head close, she rides out her aftershocks, jerking lightly when his tongue and nose glides over her sensitive clit. slowly, armando pulls away, a string a saliva connects from his lips to leyna’s pussy. he rose up from his crouched position. armando towering over her, his eyes gazing down at her, dilated pupils heavy with dangerous mix, care and lust, maybe even something more. the soft lighting catches armando’s glistening goatee and cheeks. his pink tongue swipes at his bottom lip, like a coyote eyeing its subdued prey.

leyna was everything at the same time. his baby take care of, his princesa to spoil, and his bambi to devour.

“h-how’d you get so good,” leyna stammered. her breathing is still a bit choppy.

“learned from the best,” he rasps, he eyes slowly rake over, as if he was studying her. he wanted to remember her in this very moment.

leyna smiles, sheepishly.

“c’mere,” armando beckons. leyna obliges, she sits up, scooting closer to the edge of the couch. armando tilts leyna chin upwards, he leans in, capturing her lips. he nips at her bottom lip, when leyna opens her mouth, he seizes the opportunity to slip his tongue inside. she tastes herself on his tongue, it starts off tangy but quickly bleeds into a saccharine taste. their tongues wrestle. before, in this war of mouths, leyna used to win, mostly due to armando’s lack of experience, but now it’s much different. he wields his tongue masterfully like knight and their sword, twisting and tasting every inch of her mouth.

“you ready for me princesa?” leyna nods. he watches as her mouth opens and then closes when he slips his shirt over his head. she's pratically drooling at the sight. she should be, countless hours of training have contributed to his sculpted body, all muscles and hard edges. mindlessly her fingers trace over his chest. nails drag over the ridges of his six-pack. she stops her ogling when she sees a scar near his rib cage. armando notices.

“bar fight. fucker, got me good with a broken bottle. had to get a couple stitches,”

“oh baby,”

“hey, hey,” armando gently grabs leyna’s hand. he drags it up, so it cups his cheek. “i’m good,”

his voice holds sincerity as that strange feeling returns inside of him. that urge to hold and take care of leyna, to protect her from his woes, the world, and all its troubles. leyna reaches down to unbuckle his pants, but he stops her.

“not tonight, bambi. wanna be inside of you,”

leyna gulps. he cocks his head to the side.

“don't get all shy on me now," armando tilts her chin. "you know what to do, princesa,"

leyna peels out of her slightly ripped and soaked panties, she tosses them aside. she reaches behind for the clasp of her bra, she unbuckles it, carefully she lays it on the couch next to her dress. when leyna reaches down to slip off her heels, armando tsks.

“nah. leave ‘em on,” armando bites his lip, his eyes sweeping over her naked frame. she’s changed a lot over ten years, she’s curvier, with an obvious plushness and fullness in her breasts and ass. noticeably, there’s a small tattoo of a lotus flower on the upper right side of her rib cage. “fuck, bambi. you all grown up,”

leyna opens her mouth to retort but she shuts it as armando unbuttons his pants.

"you trust me?" armando huffs, he slowly pumps his hardness, feeling pre-cum leaking from his tip.

“of course, i trust you,” leyna replies softly.

“shit princesa. you can’t say stuff like that,” armando murmurs.

he slowly spins leyna around, her back was at his front. he made sure slowly grind his bulge into her, so she could feel all of him.

“soy el rey ahora,” there a slight edge in his voice, it contrasted with the soft circles he drew on the back of her neck. “on all fours, princesa,” leyna obliges. she moves towards the couch, planting herself on her hands and knees, and arches her back. armando groans as she makes a show of it, wiggling her hips in the process. “so pretty liked this. my sweet girl, my bambi, imma fuck the shit out of you,” armando all but growls. a hand reaches into her scalp, fisting her hair. he forcefully tugs at her locks, pulling her head backwards.

leyna whimpers. “baby ‘s rough,”

armando roughly spits on her pussy. he watches as the spit slides down, mixing with her slickness. he’s not nice, not like before. all the care and attention he paid towards her pussy, that armando was long gone. now, replaced with a meaner, tunnel-vision armando. he pushes himself, filling her to her hilt, his stretching out her pussy, all of ridges of his dick rubbing against her gummy walls. she's so warm and tight, a delicious contrast of pushing and pulling him further inside of her. a chill runs down leyna's spine while her manicured nails claw at the fabric of the couch.

“oh fuck!” leyna shouts, armando smacks her right ass-cheek. he executes a few shallow thrusts, barely moving in and out of leyna.

“how bad you wan’ it?” armando drawls.

“so bad baby, please fuck me, please,” leyna’s hoarseness sounds ethereal to him. the breathy way she sounds, the want, the need, makes him even harder. so much so it pains him.

“i got you,” armando tightens the hold he has on leyna’s hair and hip. he pulls all the way out, admiring the mess his girl makes on his dick. the glossy shine the covers him. he stifles back a moan, her warmth and softness send waves of pleasure straight to his dick. he bites down on his lip, watching leyna’s ass ripple against him with every stroke. a bolt of electricity shoots through him as she clamps down on him, her walls tighten, and grip at his dick. she's close.

"i feel you, you cumin' bambi?"

“y-yes, oooh fuck! i’m so close. don’t stop,"

a loud chiming erupts over the sex sounds leyna makes. armando can feel a vibration in his pocket. he reluctantly reaches and sees who’s calling his phone, he answers, while still keeping a steady pace. pumping in and in out of leyna.

“fuck, you want,” armando growls, one hand on the phone while the other holds onto leyna’s shoulder. she moans a little too loud, so he covers her mouth. over the phone one of sebastian’s groomsmen informs that sebastian has wandered off with one of the strippers, no one can find him and he’s left his phone behind. “fuck me. fuckin’ pendejo, i-i’ll be over in a minute, shit,” armando slows down his pace before pulling out completely, leyna whines at the loss of contract.

“i gotta go,” armando sighs. leyna now sits facing him.

“but why? what’s the matter?” his heart pangs at the disappointment that edges out in her voice. he quickly redresses, buckling his pants and slipping his shirt back over and on.

“a situation came up,” he leans down and kisses her on the cheek. “imma come an’ find you,”

without another look or word, armando walks out of the v.i.p. with a hard dick and an odd feeling panging in his chest.

[woodsborostabathon]

aka the user formerly known as ambersrequel (rip). ceci / 23 / she/her / lesbian / boricua but i get a lil yeehaw with it. i'm not quite as strict with my dni criteria as i am with my headcanons! basically just don't follow me if you're: an anti, under 18, or have a habit of bashing any of the media i'm into. i'm proship and don't play about my faves, so please don't get me started.

speaking of my faves, this is kinda-sorta an about, kinda-sorta a masterlist of them!

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐒.

lolita. vc andrews' dollanganger & casteel family sagas. my best friend's exorcism. stephen king's work (mainly carrie & misery). the kingdom of little wounds. the miseducation of cameron post. the mortal instruments. twilight. the virgin suicides. richard siken's work. junji ito's work (mainly tomie, dissolving classroom, & uzumaki). dark water. toradora. blood on the tracks.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐒 (𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑).

scream franchise (esp. films 4-6). saw franchise. the ring. final destination franchise. nightmare on elm street (1984. dream warriors. & 2010). dark water (both vers.). the exorcist. tragedy girls. marrowbone. get out. us. barbarian. abigail. ready or not. candyman (both vers.). mama. orphan. fatal attraction. it (1990). house of wax. the witch. silent night deadly night. village of the damned (1995). bloody birthday. the bad seed (1956). the craft. forget me not. my bloody valentine (2009). sleepaway camp. jennifer's body. silent hill. hereditary. white: curse of the melody. cinderella (2006). sinister (1 & 2). carrie (1976 & 2013). sorority row. ouija: origin of evil. lisa frankenstein . . . full list on my letterboxd bc otherwise, i'd keep going forever.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐒 (𝐍𝐎𝐍-𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑).

lolita (both vers.). the virgin suicides. flowers in the attic (both vers.). but i'm a cheerleader. welcome to the dollhouse. bottoms. the addams family (1991 & values). the hunger games. twilight saga. suicide squad (2016 & 2021). thirteen. heavenly creatures. heathers. gone girl. the room.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐓𝐕 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐒.

euphoria. you. interview with the vampire. house of the dragon. yellowjackets. supernatural. the summer i turned pretty. law & order: special victims unit. cruel summer. american horror story. that 70's show. criminal minds. ginny & georgia. shadowhunters. death note. mirai nikki. black mirror. love, victor. big love. deadly women.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒.

the sims (mainly 2 & 4). crusader kings iii. phasmophobia. dead by daylight. roblox. content warning. fire emblem (awakening & fates).

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂.

xana. ice nine kills. lana del rey. ethel cain. glass animals. flower face. marina. pom pom squad. chappell roan. melanie martinez. the technicolors. idkhow. ayesha e. waterparks. hey violet. mother mother. taylor swift. sza. panic! at the disco. my chemical romance. the weeknd. olivia rodrigo. young miko.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.

amber freeman. charlie walker. the kirsch siblings. sidney prescott. dewey riley. kirby reed. tara carpenter. chad meeks-martin. liv mckenzie. vince schneider. anika kayoko. amanda young. john kramer. carrie white. nancy thompson. quentin smith. jesse braun. louis & claudia de point du lac. lestat de lioncourt. shauna shipman. jackie taylor. dahlia williams. chris & regan macneil. samara morgan. angela baker. alessa gillespie. wendy christensen. esther coleman. mara chaffee. rhoda penmark. joe goldberg. love quinn. delilah & ellie alves. yuno gasai. misa amane. debbie brody. jennifer check. needy lesnicki. billy chapman. pearl. tomie kawakami. grace le domas. nan (ahs). alicent hightower. rhaenyra targaryen. helaena targaryen. jace velaryon. dolores haze. nate jacobs. maddy perez. cassie & lexi howard. fezco. gomez & morticia addams. wednesday addams. olivia benson. jeanette turner. jackie burkhart. steven hyde. the dollanganger siblings. heaven & tom casteel. isabelle & alec lightwood. magnus bane. simon lewis. carlisle & alice cullen. rosalie hale. cecilia lisbon. dawn wiener. cameron post. abby rivers. gretchen lang. harley quinn.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 & 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒.

ocs. writing. the flds. some other cults + religious fundamentalism. psychology. video editing. video essays. book collecting (specifically 1st edition vca). lovecore + 'coquette' aesthetics. dogs. being silly & perhaps even goofy.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ 𝐌𝐘 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒.

slashersimmer (simblr), slashersweethearts (horror fandom ocs).

[gothgril69]

Levi Ackerman/Fem!Reader Royalty!AU

Summary: You dream of another life, a simpler one under the rays of the warm sun, where you find love and your brothers live happily.

But you're destined to serve, to be the black sheep of the family and married off to whoever your father pleases because your parents can't seem to harbor any love for you. Your brothers will serve in the war, side by side with their Chevaliers, and you'll be left to pick up the pieces or die trying.

And the one you thought always hated you, will be right by your side to catch you when you fall.

Overall Warnings: themes of sexism, minor character death, angst, depression, minor character death, smut (please check ao3 for all tags)

Chapter warnings: graphic violence

Chapter Length: 10.6k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

ao3 link

Auguste lifts you up from the ground, arms wrapped around your torso as he hugs you. It’s not until he sets you down that Theo joins in, creating a group hug just like when the three of you were younger.

Todays the day. The day they all set off to the frontlines.

You’re only slightly less worried than you initially were. Your brothers (Levi and Furlan too) have assured you that it should be a short trip due to your engagement with Zeke, allowing both of the armies to fall back and finally come home. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, your brothers and father would be going to personally tell the Mirlenas army on the Northern coast that their time serving would be put on pause for now; the war against Kaslogon would be over.

But you still had tears streaming down your face, sobs shaking your body even as Auguste and Theo attempted to make you laugh – and they did, it just wasn’t without tears. Furlan had even given you a giant hug, along with Isabel who was crying right next to you. Levi only ruffled her hair affectionately, earning a goofy grin from her that made you smile.

“The voyage is a month long,” Auguste addressed you. “So give us at least three to see you again.” You nodded with a sniffle.

“I’ll play that song for you when I get back, Aeron,” Theo beamed at you. You let out a small, but genuine, laugh and gave him his own hug. You were going to miss your brothers dearly.

You step back to finally let them get into the carriage, watching as the group climbs into one of the two carriages that awaited them in front of the castle grounds that would take them to a rendezvous point. Levi was the last to go in, pausing for a moment. He turns around and meets your gaze, giving you a small nod – a promise, to do everything he could to get your brothers home safely. You nod back at him in thanks.

Your mother had already gone inside the moment she said goodbye, not waiting to see the carriages off. Honestly, you were grateful that she wasn’t still there because when they were finally out of sight, you fully broke down. Your sobs shook your whole body and if it wasn’t for Isabel next to you to hold onto, you would’ve surely fell to the ground. She cried with you as you embraced each other.

War was always a frightening thing, even if it was ending. There was no way of knowing that the group you just sent off would make it back to you and you’re not quite sure what you would do if they didn’t. You would just have to trust them, just like Auguste and Levi told you.

—

Time seems to move differently when you get lost in your own thoughts. Sometimes it moves slow to savor the torturous hours it provides you. Sometimes it moves too fast and one day you’re waking up wondering where all of it went.

You were experiencing both – in a limbo of sorts.

Time seems to move fast when you have Isabel’s company, often talking about your novels or enjoying the quiet air on morning walks. She usually brings you tea, sitting at your balcony table while the two of you share a pot before going on your walk. You’ve switched the time, now preferring the cool morning air opposed to the sunsets at dusk to avoid the summer heat. You no longer felt warm inside – not that you ever really did – now that you were typically alone. It didn’t feel right to have the sun warm your skin. The cold air would do just fine.

Time seems to move slow when you’re alone, sitting on your bed and simply staring out your balcony doors and curtainless windows. The castle is quiet without your brothers and half of the guards gone and you’re not sure what to do with the missing sensation of noise throughout the halls. Your mother does not come out of her room, choosing to have her mealtimes in her bedroom – not that you mind. You could no longer hear Theo and Furlan in the distance as he brushed up on his battle skills, Theo’s voice echoing through the castle gardens. You could no longer walk the halls and hear Auguste and your father in his study, discussing anything Auguste could possibly need to know about being a king. You no longer had Levi’s company throughout your days, even if it was just filled with bickering most of the time. It seemed as though even the birds had left, quietude filling their space.

Though you weren’t quite calm either. It felt odd – lonely. At first you thought it was nice to have the time to yourself, even if you missed your brothers dearly, but you soon found out it wasn’t quite living up to your expectations. You found yourself sitting up late at night most of the time, sitting, staring, at nothing. Your inspiration to paint had left you – although it wasn’t due to lack of ideas. You had the creativity in your mind, but it was being held captive by a force unknown to you. 

You would look at your canvases across your bedroom, wanting to create the picture in your head and make it tangible; real. It just never seemed worth it to pull yourself up, to cross that invisible barrier your mind had laid out and just pick up the paint brush. You would let the ideas fester in your mind until temporarily forgotten when you picked up a book instead. It was easier to just lie there and read the words on the pages than create something from your own mind.

And then soon it would be evening, Isabel would bring you dinner, and you’d stay up late into the hours of the night until you woke up the next morning and did it all over again.

Perhaps it was because no one was really in the castle that your mind had turned against you in this way, but you had always made an effort to keep yourself busy before. Even when your brothers were busy with their own chores or duties, or your parents were too occupied by anything else to give you an ounce of attention, you still kept yourself busy. It feels as though you’ve never had as much time as you do now, just sitting and waiting. You suppose that’s really what you’re doing, waiting, and you’re getting quite impatient.

It’s been four months – Auguste said three. But you’ll trust them, because that’s what they told you to do.

—

Levi has never felt as uncertain as he does now. Erwin reassures him that there’s a plan – he always has a plan – but he cannot help but feel lost. He wishes they never left the Southern coast of Mirlenas, where the lavender grows in fields and the ocean is a stone skip away, the mountains bordering the town and protecting the mainland from their enemies. Levi has never been a man with a lot of comforts in his life, but anything has to be better than the bloody fields he’s walked across.

He has seen his fair share of bloodshed, rotten men behaving like animals, his own mother being abused by the men that frequented the brothel he was born in, but nothing could have prepared him for this. The Kaslogon soldiers were brutal, practically committing war crimes as they slaughtered the Mirlenas army. Bullet holes would be in the center of men’s foreheads, even if they were about to bleed out from wounds puncturing their abdomens or legs. Levi knows the Kaslogon soldiers had made their rounds, finding anyone still alive and killing them off rather than tending to their wounds.

Your brother had cried the first time he saw them, excusing himself back to the camp they had set up with the rest of the men accompanying them. Levi had watched as Erwin brought a comforting hand to his shoulder, guiding him into the tent and never leaving until the next morning. If your father noticed he did not say anything and Levi would not dare to point out the glaringly obvious affection the two share for each other.

He would remain strong for your brothers, two men that have never seen this side of a war. It was good that they were getting experience, but Levi knew if his own hardened façade cracked then your brothers would have no one to look to – they would feel like no one could protect them. Theo seemed worse off than Auguste, often stealing Furlan’s time just to talk about anything but their surroundings and leaving Levi alone.

He was used to it, sitting alone during the night and having his insomnia get in the way of finding a restful night sleep. It would be impossible even if he tried, the images of what he’s seen on their journey so far haunting him already. The aftermath of battle was not a scene he was fond of.

It had been four months – a month longer than what they had told you. Levi hopes you still trust them to make it back to you, but the longer he travels the more he feels as though they shouldn’t have given you anything to hold onto. They should have told you to expect the worst and if everything turned out to be okay then you would feel relieved.

Levi looks up at the stars, trying to find the one his mother always told him would guide him – the Northern Star. He thought it was silly to look for such a thing when he was just a small boy, laughing at his mother for her foolishness, but now it’s the first thing he looks for after the sun is gone over the horizon. He wishes he could go back and tell her that she was right, that it did always seem to guide him, but he likes to think that she already knows. That she’s simply the Northern Star’s neighbor, looking down on him.

She did everything she could to give him a good life, selling her body to put food in his belly even if Madame Elise, who ran the brothel, would have never let him go hungry. He would pickpocket in exchange for the wellbeing of his mother and his own, giving her his earnings when he was done for the night. He would give anything now just to hear his mother’s voice, the one that spoke to him so softly at bedtime before she fell ill and passed.

He startles when he hears the sound of a branch snapping behind him, alerting him to someone’s presence in the surrounding forest they had chosen to settle in for the night. He doesn’t make any sudden movements, eyes and ears alert for any motion around him until he hears a footstep right behind him.

He swivels on his seat – a small stump – and swings at the man behind him, knocking him out cold. He’s wearing simple clothing, but Levi sees the glint of the man’s broche under the starlight – the Kaslogon emblem, a golden crown, staring back at him. His eyes go wide in recognition, immediately scrambling to run back to camp that resides only twenty-five meters away. 

He’s met with chaos upon his return, tents being ransacked and men fighting each other with knives or just their fists with only the soft glow of the torches aiding their sight.

Levi doesn’t spare a moment, jumping into action to save Theo from an oncoming knife as Furlan protects one of his other comrades. He swings at a man in front of him, buying enough time to pull a dagger from his belt and slicing the Kaslogon soldier across the neck, causing blood to splatter. He quickly takes in his surroundings, spotting Auguste being protected by and fighting alongside Erwin – he’ll be okay. Levi doesn’t have time to look for the king further when he’s unable to find him at first glance, focusing his energy on protecting your brothers and Furlan.

He sees Furlan kill a man in front of him, not realizing the threat coming from behind as Levi struggles to fight off the three men in front of him by himself. He has no choice but to watch as Furlan is shot in the back of the head from a man that had pulled out a musket as Levi knocks out one more man. It feels as though time slows in that moment, his best friend’s body collapsing to the ground with empty eyes and limp limbs. It takes all of Levi’s strength to keep fighting, to protect himself instead of running to Furlan’s body.

He doesn’t cry – he can’t. The grief hasn’t caught up with him enough to allow for it, the adrenaline pumping through his veins at too rapid a pace. His mind is telling him that safety comes first, that somehow Furlan might be okay when he walks over to him after he’s done, but Levi knows better. He’s seen men die before and he can only take comfort in the fact that his dearest friend died instantly and most likely without recognition of what was going on.

Theo’s scream rips him from the sight as he tries to locate your brother from the sound of his voice, only to see him staring down at his hand that clutches his abdomen before he pulls it away and reveals the crimson that seems to continuously gush out of him. The wound is brutal, too deep to stop any blood from coming out as Theo presses his hands to it. There’s nothing Levi can do, still immobile from the men that attack him now and he has no choice but to let Theo die in front of his eyes. He told himself he would give his all to protect your brothers, and he has. There was simply no way for him to break free from his struggle now, the sight of Furlan dying right before him breaking him enough to the point where it feels like he’s losing his strength even though he wants to help Theo so desperately. 

Levi watches as Theo falls to his knees, before falling to the side in pain. Their eyes meet for the very last time as the light leaves his viridian eyes, a look of fear being the last thing he sees in them.

Levi’s heart feels like it stops.

And then it soon feels as though it might beat out of his chest, breaking free of the confines of his ribcage to allow him to fully feel the fury flowing through him without any inhibitions. He stabs the third man in the heart, walking away before he’s even fallen to the ground, and coming up behind the man that had pulled out the musket. Levi stabs the man in the neck, watching as blood spurts from his carotid artery and grabbing the musket from his hand as he falls to the ground.

Levi reloads it in record time, spending a precious ten seconds rather than the standard thirty, and fires it into the head of a man that was about to ambush Auguste. He looks at Erwin, simply nodding and ignoring the blood that drips off of his clothes as the two of them make a silent agreement to give their all to protect Auguste.

They quickly fire rounds off and kill anyone that comes close to them, protecting Auguste with their own lives. Levi is numb to the dull ache in his heart as he fights the rest of the Kaslogon soldiers off, focusing on killing the men as quickly as possible so they can be safe again – so your brother can be safe again.

When the last man is killed he finally takes a breath, his heart rate beginning to slow to a normal speed. He doesn’t notice the tears that have started to fall down his face despite the lack of emotion on his features, and he doesn’t notice the conscious Kaslogon soldier on the ground a few meters away from Erwin and Auguste. The man that he had rendered unconscious earlier as Furlan was shot was now reaching for the musket that laid next to him.

Levi only notices when it’s too late, turning around and throwing his dagger into the man’s skull just to watch Auguste get shot in the back and the musket ball travel through him, out the front of his chest at the same time. Auguste lurches forwards, falling straight towards the ground if it weren’t for Erwin’s arms wrapping around the man’s torso and supporting all of his bodyweight. 

“Auguste, amour,” Erwin chokes out. Levi remains still, eyes wide in shock as he watches his Commander tear up at the sight of his lover dying in his arms. He can feel the clench of his heart, the loss of his best friends finally coming to the surface as Auguste fights for a breath.

“It’s,” Auguste offers a lazy smile, “okay, Erwin.”

 “You stubborn man,” Erwin scolds through his tears with a humorless chuckle.

Auguste frowns and glances at Levi. “Protect A-Aeron.” Auguste’s eyebrows furrow as he grimaces in pain. “Front pocket,” he coughs, blood coming out onto Erwin’s chest. “For her.” Auguste looks back at Erwin, adoration and fear in his eyes. Levi can’t look at the brown eyes that had comforted you many times before, the ones that made you laugh for the first time in front of him. 

He looks away, giving the two men their moment of privacy and allowing Auguste the comfort of seeing Erwin before he passes on. He can’t bear the sight of it, choosing to distract his mind by scanning the camp, ensuring the last of the Kaslogon soldiers are dead or gone. He checks inside each tent, coming to a stop when he sees the king’s body lying outside of the furthest tent, bloodied and broken next to two guards that shared the same fate.

A note is left on his torso, partly covered in blood, and sealed with gold wax that’s been stamped with the emblem of Kaslogon. Levi picks it up in his own sullied hands, opting to open it when he and Erwin have a moment.

He stands still, staring down at the body of the king. He doesn’t think you’ll be overly sorrowful over the loss of your father, but he hopes your mother does not retaliate or take it out on you. He tries not to think about all of the responsibilities you are going to have now that your brothers no longer walk the earth, the ones you never wanted in the first place. His mind briefly wonders what will happen with Zeke and how he cannot fathom letting the man take you.

“He’s gone,” Erwin’s voice sounds from behind him. Levi turns to face him, watching as one of his closest friends lets his tears drip down onto the cold earth below them.

He’s never seen the man shed a tear before and he’s surely never been one to have a way with words. “I’m sorry,” Levi frowns. “I should have seen the man on the ground before it was too late.”

Erwin gives Levi a sad smile. “No. You acted as swift as you could. I am sorry I failed at protecting them, but we both shall live without regrets of tonight, knowing we did everything we could.” 

Levi doesn’t argue with him – he doesn’t bother explaining how he could have done more, how if he had just killed the man instead of knocking him unconscious then at least one brother would be coming home to you and Erwin would not be a shell of himself in front of him. 

Erwin looks past Levi at the king that lies on the ground before his eyes find Levi’s again. They’re hardened, the tears no longer spilling over and instead the blue has turned as cold as ice. Levi simply lifts the letter in his hand to give to Erwin, allowing the man to take it from his hand with ease and letting his arm fall to his side. He feels drained, weak and frail, but he needs to collect the bodies of his friends – of your brothers.

He tries not to focus on the ache in his heart that now feels like it’s going to burn him alive, and he tries not to think of how he’s going to tell you that your brothers are dead, or how he’s going to tell Isabel that Furlan is gone.

Erwin’s arm stops him before he can walk to Furlan’s body. “I think you should be the one to give this to her,” Erwin tells Levi softly, holding out the letter from Auguste’s breast pocket in front of him. He looks up at him, wondering why the hell this man would make him go through something so torturous. He doesn’t wish to see the face you’re going to make when Levi finds the strength to hand you a letter written by your dead brother. 

He doesn’t want to go home anymore. He doesn’t want to see the woman that reminds him of the very same lavender fields he trekked through to get here. He knows you’ll never forgive him for losing the only two people who ever truly understood you.

All Levi does is nod, accepting the letter anyway and promising Auguste and Theo’s souls that still roam the earth that he’ll do everything in his power to protect you.

—

Six months.

Six months have passed when Mrs. Kirstein rapidly knocks on your bedroom door, shouting about how a carriage has pulled up in front of the castle grounds.

You run as fast as you can out of your bedroom, pushing open the front doors and hurtling down the front steps of the castle so fast you almost fall down at least sixty of them with Jean and Marco yelling behind you to be careful. Your brothers were finally home, Furlan was finally home, Levi was finally home. You would no longer fill your days with nothing. Isabel would have Furlan’s company again and you could finally find your peace in Auguste’s kind words. Theo would finally play you that song. You don’t think you’ve ever been more excited for Levi’s attitude and bickering than you are now.

You skip the bottom step, jumping onto the gravel pathway that leads out to the dirt road in front of the gates that are already open. You’re grateful you had worn trousers today, usually foregoing them as of late in favor of a light dress and robe that was more comfortable, but Isabel had suggested going foraging in the nearby woods that bordered the castle. Your boots had already been tightly laced in anticipation of your day out.

You run as fast as you can, hoping that Auguste will be waiting for you with open arms and lift you into the sky just like he did before he left. Six months has been too long; the summer months had gone by in the blink of an eye and you assumed it would have made their travel easier – you didn’t think about the logistics as to why they would be months late now. The autumn air makes you feel more alive, ready to train your combat skills with Auguste and Theo, or take evening walks again with Levi and force him to accompany you while you read.

But when you reach the gates of the castle grounds you still only see one carriage when there should be two, and you only see Levi stepping out onto the dirt road. His eyes meet yours, but he looks different; he looks empty. You slowly walk up to him, the small smile not faltering still.

“Is the other carriage almost here as well? I expected all of you to arrive at once, but I suppose Auguste could have needed to stop in town before his arrival,” you ask, peering down the dirt road to see if you can spot the second carriage coming around the corner.

Levi doesn’t say anything, still staring at you when you look back at him. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“What?” You tilt your head at him, that same stupid, oblivious, smile still on your face.

“Aeron…” His voice trails off, eyes looking at you with misery practically pooling out of their grey.

“Levi…” Your smile falls, realization rearing it’s head.

“Aeron, they’re gone,” he states plainly, as if it’s the easiest thing he could have said to you.

Your heart palpitates, all of your senses becoming numb for a moment. They’re gone. Your brothers that you sent off to end a war, were now gone and would never return to you. It was supposed to be an easy mission, a simple voyage to tell the frontlines that the war was over. They would rejoice and praise their king and return home shortly after, giving Auguste the experience he needed as king and Theo the experience he needed as the Prince of Mirlenas.

Auguste was supposed to lift you into his arms and set you back down so Theo could wrap his arms around the two of you and crush your ribs with a teasing smile. Theo was supposed to come back and play his song for you, the one he had written just for you. He had finally told you he loved you, something he was never good at doing when the two of you were growing up as brother and sister even though you knew he did.

But now, all you can do is stare at Levi, eyes and soul empty as you feel yourself collapse to the ground. Your knees dig into the dirt and you watch as water droplets fall to the soil as your tears overflow. You feel as though you’ve been ripped apart at the seams, only Auguste and Theo being the ones able to pull you back together and stitch your heart with such precision that it heals with minimal scarring. There was no mending you now – you were destined to be broken forever.

It’s when you stare down at the ground that your breathing becomes heavier, sadness immediately overcome by rage inside you.

You look up, a scowl on your features and absolute resentment in your eyes. “You promised,” you spit out at Levi, venom dripping from your words. You stand up just so you can stomp your way in front of him. “You promised!” you yell into his face. Your voice cracks with anguish, but you don’t even notice. “You told me you would protect them, but you let them die!” Your tears haven’t stopped, your voice continuing to falter as you yell at him. Your emotions feel like they’re boiling over, ripping your heart in two as it explodes against your ribcage. “I hate you, Levi. I hate you for letting the only two people that cared about me die!”

Levi is looking at you, a blank expression on his face as he takes you in and it only makes you more angry. You look into his eyes, seeing the same lifeless features mixed with an overwhelming amount of sorrow in the depths of the grey that stare back at you. Your heavy breaths and tears are the only sounds around you.

Levi watches you in front of him, feeling every word you spat at him pierce his heart. He wants to tell you how sorry he is, how much he truly tried to protect your brothers and Furlan, but he knows you wouldn’t hear any of it. He wants to tell you how he was the one to watch helplessly as Furlan was shot in the back of the head, or that he was the one that saw the utter fear in your brother’s eyes as he lied on the ground, helplessly bleeding from his abdomen so quickly that he was gone in mere seconds. He wants to scream for his friends, for their meaningless deaths that could have been avoided. He wants to be there for Erwin, to comfort the man who’s guided him through so much of his life on his path to becoming a Chevalier where he met Furlan in the first place. He wants to tell you about how there was so much love in Auguste’s eyes when he passed, some of his last words regarding your protection – he’s not even sure Auguste knew that Theo died. 

But he would never reveal any of this to you – to protect you just like your brother told him to do.

He can see the fury in your eyes, your pupils blown out with rage as you look at him so scrutinizingly. He doesn’t even flinch when you pound your fist into his chest, sobs wracking your whole body as you now cry into his chest. You’re punching him, taking your anger and sadness out on him and he stands there, allowing you to do as you please if it will make you feel better at all. He wants to wrap his arms around your frame to hold you steady, to tell you it’ll be okay, but he can’t bring himself to touch you in such a fragile state. He’s afraid you would just push him off even if an embrace is what you need. 

Whether you get too tired to continue assaulting his chest, or you know that it won’t do you any good, you stop and look at him. He stares back with furrowed brows and sad eyes, apologies and meaningful words on the tip of his tongue that he just can’t seem to speak aloud to you.

He stands still and watches as Mrs. Kirstein arrives with Isabel behind you. She grabs your shoulders and spins your fragile body away from him, guiding you past Isabel and into the castle walls – you don’t even look up at her as you pass. Once you’ve gotten at least twenty meters away his eyes focus back on Isabel who’s looking up at him with big doe eyes that are brimmed with tears. He has to fight back his own at the sight.

“Is,” Levi mutters, not knowing how to approach her. “I’m so sorry.” He knows she knows what he’s talking about, the obviously empty carriage behind him that carried no one but him home, leaving Erwin in town to drink away his sorrows for now.

Tears stream down Isabel’s face as she walks towards him. “I’m glad you’re okay, Levi.” Her voice is small and she gives him a sad smile before her arms are wrapped around him, pulling him into a much needed embrace. He wishes he could have provided this for you, but even now as Isabel pulls him close he can’t help but be especially aware of the foreign contact with someone else.

Levi and Isabel walk back to the castle grounds together, arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders in support as her silent tears continue to stream down her face. He’s never been more grateful that neither of you were allowed to go on that mission with them. He doesn’t think he would have made it with no one left.

—

You realize now that you never truly knew what loneliness felt like. 

You’ve locked yourself in your room for a month now, never unlocking the door even when there was a knock that announced your meal times. You didn’t leave your bed – not until your kidney started to pierce your side with pain from not relieving your bladder. It was just so much easier to cover yourself with your blankets and stare at the patterns in the walls, the intricate detailings on the borders allowing you to focus on just the white wood. You wouldn’t even realize the day had passed until the sun was setting, or when the moon had shown it’s face and the sun was kissing it goodbye with it’s rising. You wouldn’t even know what day it was had you left your curtains hanging – you almost wish you had just left them alone when you were seventeen so you could be absorbed in the darkness now.

But all the while you simply chose to ignore your surroundings enough to disassociate, you were made painfully aware of the presence outside your door when you would hear the familiar footsteps, the sound being recognizable to you even after he was gone for those six long months. Levi has been standing outside your door since he arrived, never leaving except for what you would assume is sleeping or eating – although the man hardly does either it seems. You’re not sure why he has decided to stay near and you don’t bother telling him to go away. It’s too much effort.

You haven’t seen Isabel since that day, only Mrs. Kirstein has been delivering you food and tea regardless of how little you’re able to choke down. You feel guilty for not being there for the young girl, knowing shes suffering from grief about Furlan just the same as you are for your brothers. You’re only grateful for Levi in those moments when you think too hard about how you’re not the one there for her, but he is. At least she has someone to comfort her.

Your dreams and nightmares are the worst they’ve ever been in your life. Happy memories of Auguste cleaning the dirt off your cheeks after Theo pushed you into the ground, or repeats of Theo telling you he loves you and that he always has, he was just never good with words in that way. You wake up, ready to face the world and a smile gracing your lips for once until you remember that it’s not a reality – your brothers are dead.

Other nights are worse as you cry yourself to sleep just when you thought you didn’t have the tears to spare anymore. Visuals of what you imagine their deaths to be like and how gruesome they probably were float through your mind; images of Theo looking so helplessly into your eyes and Auguste’s own flickering with fear you’ve never seen before in him. You always wake up in a cold sweat, the coming winter air chilling you down to your bones, but somehow your skin is so sticky and uncomfortable you have to throw the blankets off your body in the middle of your panic. 

You always try to calm yourself down, eyes wide with fear and breathing so labored you’re moments away from hyperventilating. Your cheeks are always stained with tears and they’ve fallen onto the nightgown you wear to bed that’s now sticking to every curve of your body in the worst way possible. 

It feels like you’re drowning, lungs burning as you take deep inhales to make sure you don’t pass out again – the last thing you need is to succumb to any kind of slumber for fear that you’ll just wake up in a panic again. The only reason you let yourself fall asleep is because of the hope you’ll have a happy memory instead of the grueling nightmares, that maybe your mind can have a moment of reprieve from the harsh reality.

—

Levi always hears your struggles every night. If you’re not whimpering in your sleep, crying for Theo and Auguste to just be okay or that you’ll be there to save them, then he hears the unusual quietness of the night followed by soft cries and whimpers as you wake up from an undoubtedly happy memory since you’re not screaming. He wants to break down the door and run to your side, hold you until you feel normal because he knows you just feel alone – he’s familiar with the feeling. He doesn’t want anyone else to feel the pain of loss, to feel what it’s like to lose your sun that brightens your day for the moon cannot shine without it, and he can feel your light dimming everyday.

You would hate him more if he burst into your room uninvited, you would punch your fists into his chest as he tried to hold you, but at least he could be there for you. Levi misses your brothers dearly and doesn’t have to imagine what it feels like to feel such loss after watching Furlan die right in front of him – his own brother. Instead he stands guard by your door every day and night, only taking breaks to give him the nourishment his body requires and to check up on Isabel and make sure that Mrs. Kirstein and Mrs. Springer are looking after her with the utmost care.

It’s now, as he stands in the candle-lit hallways of the castle outside your door, that Erwin makes his way down the parquet flooring. Your distant soft whimpers of pain are coming through the door and Levi has to pull his mind away just to focus on Erwin’s presence in front of him.

“I’ve read the letter,” he states, leaning against the wall next to Levi. His voice is hardly above a whisper as he steals a glance at your door – he can hear you too. “She has a duty to fulfill.”

“Her brothers just died,” Levi scoffs, trying to be mindful of his volume.

“It’s been a month,” Erwin states plainly. “I’d like to have a meeting with her and I’m afraid you’re the only one that can ensure her attendance.” He pauses, glancing over at Levi before his gaze finds the flickering sconce on the opposite wall. “Have you given her–”

“No.”

“Levi. Auguste wanted her to read it.”

“It would break her even more,” Levi sighs and looks over at Erwin’s profile. His eyes are sharp, seemingly focused on the flame across from them, but Levi knows better. He can see the flickers of pain in the sea of blue, drops of anguish falling into their ocean, as the two broach the topic of your brothers’ deaths.

“She’s already broken, Levi.” His voice comes out harsh, probably harsher than he meant to, but Levi feels it all the same. “It would be something for her to hold onto. I think it could provide some closure.”

He pushes himself off the wall and a hand lands on Levi’s shoulder, causing his gaze to look up at the strong blond man in front of him. Levi can’t help but notice he looks anything but.

“Be there for her.” Erwin gives him a small smile, one that doesn’t even come close to reaching his eyes. “She’s angry, and grieving, but she’s strong. Give her something to fight for and she’ll succeed.” Levi can only nod, his voice is lost as Erwin removes his hand from his shoulder and takes a step back. “I need her presence in the meeting hall tomorrow at noon. Read this.”

He grabs Levi’s paralyzed wrist and flips his palm upwards before placing an envelope in his hand; the same one he saw on your father’s chest, but now with the Kaslogon emblem wax seal broken.

He doesn’t want to read it. He wants to throw it in a fire and watch the edges of the paper turn black and fall into ash as the wax melts down, sizzling as it lands on the burning embers below. Levi doesn’t realize Erwin has walked away already as he silently sits in his anger; he can practically feel the heat radiating from him. He unfolds the paper, uncaring whether or not the paper gets torn while his eyebrows furrow in simultaneous frustration and concentration. He watches the black ink reveal itself to him, blurry words exposing to Levi that he has tears in his eyes that he didn’t realize were about to fall.

He roughly swipes at his face with one hand and sniffles, clearing his face of any emotion before fully unfolding the paper and reading the messy scrawl in front of him. It’s addressed to you, and his heart palpitates.

Levi is seething with anger by the time he finishes reading the letter. If he didn’t want to murder the man before, he does now, and he can see images behind his eyes of the man perishing by his own hand. The hand that does not hold the letter is clenched into a fist by his side, the other one almost doing the same and wrinkling the paper in front of him. He has to take deep breaths just to stop himself from punching the wall next to your bedroom door – he can’t wake you and you would be furious with him for damaging the carvings you admire so much. He can’t let you read this, but knowing Erwin it’s inevitable with your presence being requested tomorrow.

You’ve gone quiet now, the stark silence almost startling Levi now that his breathing has slowed and he is no longer seeing red. Good. That means you’re either sleeping with no nightmares or you’re awake and no longer suffering from your dreams. He takes this moment of your peace to walk away from your door to find Mrs. Kirstein so she is prepared to take care of you tomorrow morning and ensure your presence at the meeting. He’ll have to knock on your door to inform you before she arrives so you are not mentally unprepared for what Mrs. Kirstein has in store for you.

—

You watched your brothers be buried two weeks ago, a large ceremony to honor them and commend them for their bravery. You attended only so you could say goodbye to them and caress both Auguste’s and Theo’s features one last time, but they were so cold; their skin like ice. Auguste’s curly brown locks had turned dull and Theo no longer held his boyish charm that you loved so much. You had asked to see their wounds and Levi had stepped in to refuse, putting a hand in front of the priest that offered to assist in pulling back the lower half of the casket and the soft fabric that covered the rest of their bodies. Although you had given him a glare, you knew he was right – why would you want to see how much pain your brothers suffered through? You had watched as they lowered the caskets into the ground and left as soon as the first shovel of dirt was thrown on top of the three people you had ever cared about. You had demanded for Furlan to be buried next to them because he had no living relatives – his mother had already died from sickness before he became a Chevalier.

You didn’t want to linger and receive the small words of pity people would throw towards you in hopes of making the pain lessen in your heart. Walking away was the easiest thing you could do at the time instead of listening to empty promises of a better future and apologies that never meant anything as soon as they left the person’s mouth. All you had ensured beforehand was that Erwin Smith knew his presence was welcome and encouraged so he could mourn your brother properly – you don’t want to think about what it would be like to lose your soulmate.

Levi had followed you wordlessly inside, remaining a decent distance behind in what you would assume was fear of being lashed out on again, but that was far too much effort for you. The one thing that you could be grateful for was that he remained silent as the two of you walked and he was never one for empty words. He meant everything he said despite his broken promise of protecting your brothers. You were internally working on forgiving the man for something he could not control, but it was easier to find someone else to blame for your loss. Mrs. Kirstein has been trying to convince you otherwise, to let God into your soul and find it in your heart to forgive, but you were never really a friend of His.

You now sit in your bed, staring at the blank canvases that litter your room, but not truly as your mind stays focused on recalling the events of the funeral and images of your brothers flash through your mind. Even then, your mind seems to be barely focused on that as you simply lose yourself in just existing, sitting here with no real motivation to move or take care of yourself. You feel like a hollow shell of yourself. You briefly wonder if Levi feels the same way, if he grieves the same way you do or if he is able to push through it. He hasn’t left your door since the day he came back and you can’t help but wonder why the man would do such a thing when he’s likely heart broken of the loss of Furlan and your brothers.

“Aeron,” His voice sounds from the other side of your door, pulling your gaze towards it as you blink away your dissociative state of mind. “Erwin requests your presence in the meeting hall.”

“Go away,” you yell back at him so he can hear through the door. You know your voice sounds empty, no malice lacing your tone, just exhaustion.

You hear him sigh through the door. “It’s urgent and your mother refuses to see him.”

“I don’t want to either.” You stare blankly at the carvings in the molding that surrounds your ceiling.

“Great,” he scoffs, “I’m sending Mrs. Kirstein in, she’ll help you get ready.”

You don’t get a chance to refuse before you hear the sound of his footsteps receding. You sit up in your bed, the thin nightgown covering your body practically falling off your shoulders and the loose tie in front threatening to come undone. Your hair is a disaster, having not been washed in at least three days – you’re not really sure – and you know the inevitable dark circles under your eyes will give away the amount of sleep you’ve been getting. You can’t bring yourself to care, simply sitting here as if you were dead already with a lifeless stare directed towards your bedroom door. You know you won’t have to get up to unlock it – Mrs. Kirstein has access to the master key of the castle. You are at least grateful that you’ve had your privacy thus far, knowing at any moment she could have come marching into your bedroom.

You hear the sound of a key being inserted into your doorknob before the door is slowly opened, only Mrs. Kirstein peeking her head through before she walks in fully. You look down, not wanting to meet her gaze just like every other morning, but today it’s worse – you finally have to leave the safety of your bedroom.

“Oh dear,” you hear her sigh. “Come here, sweet.” You feel the bed shift under her weight, her legs coming into view as she sits next to you on the mattress.

When you look up at her the tears have already started streaming down your cheeks – you thought you were done crying. She pulls you into her embrace, arms wrapped around you in the most comforting way possible, like a true mother’s hug. You briefly wonder if this is what your own mother’s arms would feel like and it only makes you cry harder when you remember what it felt like to be embraced by Auguste and Theo. You’re staining the fabric on her shoulder, but she doesn’t seem to mind as she squeezes you tighter, trying to calm down your fragile frame as your sobs shake your body.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, hm?” she mutters softly to you, arms still protectively embracing your body. 

You simply nod, the tears still flowing but without any violent sobs that shake your body. She gently guides you off of the bed and holds your fragile frame so your knees don’t give out on you, straightening your nightgown so it stays on your shoulders enough to make it to the bathroom. You let her undress you, too weak to care about her seeing your body – you know you need the help. Her gentle hands untie your nightgown to let it fall off your body, her eyes meeting yours in a silent question of your consent. You simply nod, allowing her to hold your hand and guide you into the tub that she seemed to have already prepped before sitting down on the edge of your bed. Your concept of time and awareness of your surroundings are severely lacking.

You sniffle as you settle into the water, the subtle smell of lavender floating towards your face as you try to inhale. You spot the sachet of oats and lavender she had placed in the water to nourish your skin. You look up at her to find her already looking at your eyes, wrinkled eyes practically begging for you to let her help you and eyebrows furrowed with sympathy. You would hate that look being directed towards you if it wasn’t Mrs. Kirstein or Mrs. Springer. You nod again, wordlessly giving her your permission for help to bathe you because you’re so exhausted, limbs weak despite lying in your bed for what feels like eternity.

She takes the softest washing cloth you own and gently swipes it across your skin after lathering it with your lavender scented soap, the suds feeling heavenly against your once sweaty skin. Your nightmares haven’t gotten any better with last night plaguing your mind of dark and gruesome images of your brothers dying right before you. You’re suddenly very grateful for Levi’s interference at the funeral as you stare down into the water at your toes that scrunch against the cast iron edge of your clawfoot tub.

Mrs. Kirstein helps you out of the tub with a towel ready to wrap around your body after she finishes washing you – you barely felt her touch. You’re quietly dressed in simple attire to meet with the Commander with a loose dress and a hardly tightened corset around your waist. She leaves your hair down, allowing it’s natural texture to flow with minimal product to tame any wild strands and leaves your face bare. You stare at yourself in the mirror, imagining Auguste walking through your door and meeting your gaze in the mirror like so many nights ago. He would ask for your wrists and gently drop lavender oil so you could spread the scent onto your skin and he would tell you how beautiful you look before you had to leave your room.

You sigh, blinking to prevent any tears from forming, and turn to Mrs. Kirstein. “Thank you.” Your voice is soft, slightly hoarse from not being used and the constant choking you force upon yourself to prevent yourself from crying.

“I’ll send Levi in, madame.”

You don’t bother telling her no, knowing Levi will refuse regardless and appear whether you want him to or not. You nod instead, taking a seat on the bench at the foot of your bed to wait for him after hearing the door close.

There’s a short knock, followed by the creak of your door hinges and the sound of it opening and closing. You don’t need to look up to know it’s him.

“Are you ready?” his voice cuts through the silent air, unusually tense.

You look up, finding that steel grey gaze that seems to follow you everywhere now. “Do I have a choice?”

He clears his throat. “I’m afraid not.” He pauses, watching you as you sit on your bench and look at him. “I have a letter for you, from Auguste.”

Your breath hitches, your eyes burning from tears already forming. You refuse to cry – you won’t shed another tear. You look down at your lap to steel yourself in front of Levi and wait as your heart rate slows down to the point where you feel like you can breathe again. You don’t question why he waited so long to give you the letter or why Levi is even the one that has it in the first place. Perhaps it’s good that you didn’t have it right away. Despite feeling so heart breakingly empty everyday, you know that if you received the letter any earlier you wouldn’t have been able to handle it. You can barely handle the concept of reading Auguste’s perfectly written calligraphy on the stationary he kept neatly on his desk, a pristine capital A that would inevitably be written at the bottom of the page to begin his signature.

You swipe a hand over your face and stand up to place yourself in front of him. He reaches into the breast pocket of his tailcoat and holds out the folded piece of paper with your kingdom's emblem on the wax seal. It’s unbroken, and you ignore the small spot of blood next to the deep blue wax that seems to contrast so harshly. You take a deep breath, calming yourself down in order not to beat your fists into Levi’s chest from how much anger you feel towards the world that brews inside of you. He cannot be blamed for everything, and you try to will yourself to believe he has your best intentions in mind with delaying the delivery of the letter.

You take the folded paper from his hand. “I’m working on it,” you state, looking down at your fingers as you fidget with the edges of the letter, being careful not to ruin the paper. “Mrs. Kirstein believes I should forgive you, so – I’m working on it.”

You look up at Levi to see him blink at you, facial features giving nothing away, but you can tell he’s thinking about your words. After a moment, he nods and you take that as your sign to move on – that the two of you have come to some kind of understanding, but he knows your feelings are conflicted and full of anger still. You place the letter down on the edge of your bed and walk past him to exit your bedroom.

“Do you know what this is about?” you ask as he walks through your doorframe and you stand in the hallway to wait for him. He takes your conversational tone as an invitation to walk beside you instead of behind you. You don’t mind, you’ve always hated that feeling of him lingering behind you.

“Of course,” he states, eyes trained forward.

“No clues for me again?” you inquire, eyes focused on the stretch of hallway before you.

He seems to think about it for a moment, briefly glancing over at you before he speaks. “Erwin is better with words than I could ever be.”

You scoff. “Hm. That seemed to have worked out well last time.” 

He says nothing, continuing his rigid stroll to the meeting hall by your side. You leave it at that, wanting to get the meeting ahead of you over with so you can return to your bedroom and wear your thin nightgown instead of the dress that feels like a bear has sat on your chest from the weight. Politics were never your area of expertise, always something that was left up to Auguste while you remained the artist of the family, the black sheep that didn’t have those kinds of responsibilities.

You turn the corner of the hall and Levi opens the second door to your left, gesturing with a hand for you to enter first. You’re met with Erwin and Hange’s presence upon entering, Erwin’s form slightly bent over the dark stained cypress table as he studies multiple sheets of paper. You spot gold wax on one of them, the broken Kaslogon emblem staring back at you, and you freeze in your steps. Levi bumps into you from closely following you, his hands ghosting the sides of your waist to stabilize you so you don’t fall forward. His presence is gone in an instant and your eyes are too focused on the contents of the table to even spare him a glance.

Erwin looks up at your paralyzed form. “Ah, your grace,” he greets with a slight bow. You grimace. “Thank you for coming. There are a few things I believe you should be aware of.”

You blink, continuing forward a few steps to stand by the rectangular table directly across from him. “If I’m doing this, do not bother with formalities,” you state bluntly. You hardly wanted your title of princess as it is.

“Right,” he softly smiles at you. “I’m not sure if Levi has briefed you at all–”

You humorlessly laugh. “No, why would he do such a thing.”

“Of course,” Erwin clears his throat as Levi makes his way to his side, in between him and Hange. “We’ve received a letter from Kaslogon, as I’m sure you’ve seen. Your mother refuses to be involved in foreign affairs and I have, unfortunately, been left to consult you instead. I think it’s quite imperative for you to read the letter and I can elaborate on a plan of action once we are all on the same page.”

“Who is this letter addressed to?” you ask, reaching forward to grasp the paper in your hand.

Erwin doesn’t miss a beat. “You, Aeron.” You look up at him instead of studying the broken golden wax seal, lips parted in surprise. “I suggest you sit down before you begin.”

You give him a curt nod and sit in the chair in front of you, still on the opposite side of the table, and flip the paper so the messy scrawl of ink is visible to you.

My Darling Aeron,

Your heart feels like it’s in your throat. You don’t have to check the signature at the bottom of the page to know the owner of the sloppy ink words in front of you. You look up at Levi, his eyes already staring at you with something you’ve never seen before; sympathy, pity even. You look back down to avoid it.

I hope this letter finds you well. Hopefully, everything has succeeded and you are reading this while your beloved brothers rot in the ground. It would simply be the cherry on top if that guard dog of yours joined them.

You can’t do this. Tears are pricking at your eyes, a lump already forming in your throat as you try to push yourself forward to read the paper. It was his doing. Zeke. He’s the one that caused your brothers’ deaths, Furlan’s death, your father’s death, and almost Levi’s death. You feel a tear escape your eye and you quickly wipe it away, knowing three pairs of eyes are staring at you now, and look up at Levi. You never wanted him to die, you’re not sure if you truly hate the man either.

He’s the only one you have left. 

Zeke is to blame.

You swallow and look back down to keep reading.

Do not fret, darling, for I have a plan that will ensure you will be by my side for as long as we live regardless of your family’s death. Soon, my own shall follow and you and I will rule our kingdoms together in a peaceful harmony without anyone else in the way. I will always be there for you and I want you to know that I never wanted your brothers to perish, it was simply a necessary action to ensure your safety in my arms.

“A plan?” you choke out, looking up at Erwin with a bewildered expression. What could this man possibly have in store for the future of both your kingdoms? You want to laugh at his false claims of sympathy for your brothers deaths – they meant nothing to him. Erwin simply gestures for you to continue.

I’m sure this letter has the possibility of falling into the wrong hands before reaching you, but I assure whoever is reading this that my plan is unflawed. I will have your hand in marriage and there is no possible way for my own family to know of my planned actions before it is too late.

I look forward to seeing you again, my darling, and properly seeing your supple figure underneath my own without your guard dog to stand in the way of you returning to my chambers.

I love you with my whole heart,

Zeke Jaeger

You throw the letter onto the table and stand up from your chair, pushing it back as you begin to pace the room. You now understand why Levi hasn’t left your bedroom door – he’s protecting you. You’re the only thing he has left to protect. You can’t marry this cruel man and it makes you ill just thinking about the possessive way he writes about you, his promise of claiming you making you nauseous.

Levi has stepped away from Erwin and Hange, hesitantly reaching for you, but not being close enough to even come close to coming in contact with you. “Aeron,” he hesitantly mutters, unsure of how to approach you.

“He–” you choke on your words, “he’s going to- to–”

“He won’t,” Levi interrupts you, a scowl on his face as you whip your head towards him.

The tears in your eyes have inevitably fallen down your cheeks – fuck, you’re so tired of crying. “Levi,” you choke out, uncaring of how desperate you sound. “You can’t– can’t let him take me.” You’re pleading, begging, to be saved. There has to be a way out of this, a way to save yourself and the two kingdoms without sacrificing your own sanity and safety; your body.

Levi walks up to you and for the first time you welcome his presence, crave it even – something familiar to comfort you. Once he’s within arms reach you all but collapse into his arms as he wraps them around you, supporting you as sobs wrack your body. “He won’t,” he repeats, gently muttering into your hair as you let your tears soak the fabric covering his torso. You’re so tired. So tired of fighting that you’ve completely let yourself go and find comfort in the same man’s arms you claimed to hate your whole life.

“We’ve come up with a plan,” Erwin intervenes from behind and you lift your head to look at his blurry figure by the table. “I need you to be ready for it.”

You reluctantly let go of Levi, keeping your gaze fixed on the papers littering the table out of embarrassment of meeting his eyes. His arms fall to his sides as you make your way to stand next to Hange, a new sense of vengeance overtaking your surge of emotions – you’ll kill Zeke if you have to.

“Your mother will simply receive a letter to inform her of your involvement,” Hange joins the conversation, “We’ve been told by Mrs. Springer that she’s rather compliant and uncaring as to what the kingdom’s future holds. As far as she’s concerned the people are now under military rule.” They pause, seemingly gauging your reaction. “As far as the people are concerned… 

You are their new Queen.”

[tetsunabouquet]

Shadowhunterverse X KNB crossover

A/N: As I recently made a headcanon regarding the two fandoms I am most known for, I am hereby making an inverse one. Where my previous headcanon details KNB characters in the Shadowhunterverse, this one is about the Shadowhunter characters in the KNB universe.

-Considering I stated that Kise Ryota is definitely a Herondale, this would also still be true in this version of the crossover. Kise is Jace's half-Japanese cousin and Jace often goes to Japan for a vacation destination. Like Kise, he is an athletic prodigy. Whilst he prefers martial arts, he is still prettty decent at basketball and would always join during scrimmages in the summer holidays. I also low-key see him being friendly with Aomine with how interested the latter is in the US and that they occasionally tease Kise together. -Obviously, I cannot talk about Jace having relatives in Japan and often going there, without mentioning his otaku girlfriend. Clary absolutely went bonkers when she learnt Jace had family in Japan and generally tags along to the Herondale family vacations. I can see her being friends with Kuroko who recommend all kinds of light novels to her that she can read after having taken some lessons in Japanese from Jace's parents who became fluent speakers themselves. -Because Jace still became close friends with the Lightwoods in this universe, they have joint the Herondale family on a trip or two, and that was all it took for Isabelle and Momoi to become close. As analytic hot girls with a passion for athletics & that always try to take care of the boys around them, these girls are best friend material who get eachother to a complete T. They chat nearly every day, and Isabelle is glad to have found a girl that is just like her and she can actually relate to as Isabelle has a way smaller friendgroup then Momoi. -Laura (Liqin) Ke is a distant cousin to Wei Lui and showed up during the Winter Cup as she would rather support him then be hounded by her grandma again. -Cameron Ashdown is actually good friends with Himuro and Kagami. They met once at a sports festival held by a couple of middle schools from Los Angeles. He was that awkward friend trying to glue the boys friendships back ogether after they had their infamous fall-out. Kagami always appreciated Cameron for trying to do so and being such a supportive friend. -Speaking of Himuro and the Ashdowns, Paige used to have the most massivve crush on him after he came over to Cameron's birthday party, but Himuro politely shot her down because he's not interested in a bitch. -Vanessa and Paige are also huge fans of team Jabberwock, and attend a lot of their L.A matches. -During Eleanor Blackthorn's cancer treatments, she learnt how to play a Japanese card game from Kiyoshi Teppei who underwent treatment for his injured knee at the same hospital. His protective nature sometimes reminded her of her own son Julian, so she couldn't help but take a liking to the boy. -Emma dated Nijimura for a hot minute during her phase when she was trying to distract herself from her feelings for Julian with other boys after Nijimura went to America. -Diana is gym buddies with Alex. The two women often catch a cup of coffee after working out together.

[starrylightseeker]

My MC's playlist divided into chapters below

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

there's something in the forest from moominvalley

perfect harmony from julie and the phantoms

number one girl by rosé

sharing you by lany

𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑

失憶 by esther yu

凝眸 (gaze) from love game in eastern fantasy

spell of the heart by isabella levan

we'll meet again by she & him

last words of a shooting star by mitski

ascension by sarah kinsley

flowers from hadestown

sandman by ellise

𝐔𝐋𝐔𝐑𝐔, 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐓

many are the stars I see, but in my eye no star like thee by ursine vulpine, annaca

dearly beloved (kingdom hearts) by amalee

tightrope from the greatest showman

nobody else by ailee

never enough from the greatest showman

𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊

down bad by taylor swift

my blood by ellie goulding

right where you left me by eaj, hindia

i may (interlude) by mack lorén

dark paradise by lana del rey

youth by daughter

curse from destined with you

dog years by halsey

cop car by mitski

𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖

shadow by seventeen

please take me by beth crowley

stay a little longer by rosé

不得 (not allowed) from the story of pearl girl

starfall by mack lorén

𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐌𝐄

a million miles away from belle

แค่เธอ (why don’t you stay) by jeff satur

blue flower by lia

star star star (☆★☆) by girls generation

在夜裡跳舞 by 單依純 (dancing in the night by shan yichun)

the prophecy by taylor swift

𝐉𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋

you're somebody else by flora cash

i have questions by camilla cabello

let you down by nf

the effect by precious pepala

all of your lies by morgan clae

the worst betrayal by beth crowley

vampire by olivia rodrigo

the principal by melanie martinez

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 / 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

hunter by paris paloma

i am the only one by ursine vulpine, annaca

scotland by the lumineers

renaissance by paolo buonvino, skin

drama club by melanie martinez

angry too by lola blanc

𝐒𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐗, 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘

die for by maggie lindemann

until eternity (orchestra version) by blackbriar

i'm yours by isabel larosa

mine by sleep token

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆

i'm sorry from alchemy of souls

人间有时 (the world will have its time) from the story of pearl girl

nobody by faith marie

only for you by tommee, fleurie

wandering in the dark by ursine vulpine, annaca

桃花諾 by g.e.m.

if you leave me by seventeen

𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐅𝐎𝐗, 𝐒𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘

nobody else but you by beth crowley

when the dust settles by ella martine

回音如果 by 黄霄雲 (if it echoes by huang xiaoyun)

i only wanna be with you by annaca

𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 / 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐁𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐘

weekend by taeyeon

starlight by taeil

late night talking by harry styles

how 'bout a dance from bonnie & clyde musical

crazier by taylor swift

can I have this dance? from high school musical

ever ever after by carrie underwood

please don't die before i do by stephanie poetri

loved you before by peach prc

you are my light by zhao lusi

lights by bts

summer rain by irene

te quiero by kiss of life

blue eyes by taeyeon

𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒

bed chem by sabrina carpenter

lay you down by rini

desert rose by lolo zouaï

check by girls' generation

juno by sabrina carpenter

lust for life by lana del rey

[readwitheve]

REVIEW 3: THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY BY JENNY HAN

MY RATING: ★★★★

While most people read the books first and excitedly wait on the series or film adaptations, I have the opposite approach. I tend to like watching movies or shows first then deciding I’d like to read the book to see the differences between the on-screen adaptation and the source material. For me, I need to see the premise of the content and see if I find it entertaining before I commit to reading the book, though I admit that it’s a rather backwards way of thinking.

With this being said, though I consider myself older than the target audience as I was in my late 20s when I read this book (which was recent), I decided to pick up The Summer I Turned Pretty, which moving forward will be referred to as TSITP, after having enjoyed the first two seasons of the Amazon series of the same title. Now, I am familiar with Jenny Han’s work as I had read the To All the Boys I loved Before series, so I’m not surprised that I ended up wanting to read this series as well.

TSITP follows the story of Isabel “Belly” Conklin, a 16-year-old girl who’s grown up before everyone’s eyes. Alongside her mother, Laurel, and her brother, Steven, Belly returns to the beach house in Cousins Beach owned by her mother’s best friend, Susannah. Here, Belly experiences a lot of firsts that she would’ve usually avoided when she was back home and in school, like her first kiss and first date happening with a boy named Cameron. However, despite how nice Cameron is and how it seemed like fate that the two of them would be at Cousins together after not seeing each other for years, since the Model UN convention in middle school, Cameron is not the boy Belly actually wants. Instead, Belly is still head over heels for Conrad Fisher, Susannah’s first-born son and her crush since childhood.

Conrad, however, seems to have a wavering interest. One minute, he’s hanging around Belly and saying things that could be construed as flirty, the other, he’s pushing her away. He’s also seemed to lost interest in the things he once loved and had backed out on things he said he’d do, like football and working as a lifeguard with his brother. As a result of Conrad’s aloof behavior, Belly gets closer to Conrad’s younger brother, Jeremiah Fisher, who starts to develop feelings for Belly. All the while, distracted from her own drama, Belly doesn’t realize until the end that the reason why Conrad has been so distant with her is because he’s going through a lot, with his mother no longer in remission and her cancer having returned, and his father having cheated on her while she’s battling her illness.

In the end, though, first love seems to prevail as Conrad and Belly start to date.

As happy as I am that these two had wound up together at the end of this first installment in the trilogy, there really is a lot missing in the book, which is how Belly and Conrad actually get together. The ending seems so up in the air, the only thing that really happened was them kissing but there were no conversations as far as what they were and Belly didn’t state they were together, which is sad for Belly/Conrad fans. But as they say, this is about the journey and not the destination.

Overall, I did enjoy TSITP. It’s a cute story, and I do wish there was a bit more focus on Susannah and Laurel’s friendship like in the show compared to the books being limited to Belly’s point of view. I think this would be a good read for its intended audience of young adults, and maybe even older, who like reading romance and coming of age novels.

[alouris]

One last time. | Belly x Jeremiah

Summary: Isabel Conklin, ‘Belly’, is merely days away from marrying Conrad, so why is it that she can’t seem to get a certain younger brother off her mind?

Warnings: Slight nsfw, CHEATING, and maybe a few swear words here and there.

(A/N: hi! this is kind of weird to be posting on a completely new tumblr account but my main is literally a winx fan page and i think i’ll die of embarrassment if i posted anything like this on main, but i just read book three of tsitp and couldn’t get this out of my head. it’s short, but i hope someone enjoys it anyways).

Isabel Conklin knew that she was absolutely not sure about marrying Conrad Fisher.

It was insane to even vocalize it out-loud.

Conrad had been the one that she’d been dreaming about her entire life. He was the one everyone rooted for her to be with. He was her prince charming. That was the way it always was, and that’s the way it had to stay.

That relationship with Jeremiah was a stint. A momentary lapse in judgement. It was a mistake starting something with him, she knew that now. It was a line the two of them simply shouldn’t of crossed.

At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling her. Belly’s trying to internalize it, she really is, but she can’t when every-time she sees her fiancés younger brother she remembers how good his hands felt around her neck, how he carried her to bed from the couch when she fell asleep after a day of long classes.

Jeremiah was pure. So pure. When he loved he loved hard, which was something his older counterpart severely lacked. Belly never thought she’d miss the embarrassing public make-outs, the aggressive handholding, and the constant hickey hiding, but she did, she missed it so bad.

Isabel was three days from marrying Conrad. She was finally twenty two years old, having graduated from Finch that Summer. She and Jeremiah had broken up after the thing with Lacie, but it was amicable. The two were able to stay friends, although Jeremiah made it clear that wasn’t what he wanted. He never pressed for more, not wanting his former girlfriend to feel pressured into anything, but looking back, belly knew he wishes he did, because three months after her return from Spain, he found out that she and Conrad rekindled their romance, and were a couple yet again.

Jeremiah remained cool about it, but Belly knew he wasn’t. They could read eachother, and Belly could read the longing looks he gave her; the way he touched her when Conrad wasn’t around, the the things he whispered when Conrad wasn’t around —

The funny and ironic part about this whole situation is that Belly hadn’t thought of the younger Fisher brother in that way in months. She had buried those feelings with that relationship deep in the back of her mind — locking them in a box and throwing away the key. She didn’t even feel the urge to think about it either; not when things were going so good with Conrad.

She had been excited about her destination wedding, excited to party on an island and stay in a multi million dollar mansion with her closest friends and family and then get married to the love of her life, and now she was regretting everything; gulping down a nasty bottle of expensive wine in her bridal suite room that was undoubtedly from Conrad’s father.

She could hear music. Everyone was partying. It was like they were in college still, dancing and drinking like they were young. They were young. Twenty two was incredibly young to get married. Most of Belly’s college friends were still in college trying to graduate and playing the catch up game, and yet she spent the last six months of her life deciding what flowers she wanted as her centerpiece.

Briefly she wondered where her fiancé might be, but knew exactly where he was. In his room, sleeping. Probably excused himself after an hour with a headache, which pissed everyone off. Belly could just imagine Jere clenching his jaw and forcing out a, “Good night then, Connie.” And downing a beer.

Jeremiah spent the majority of the week drunk. He tried every liquor in sight, sipped whoever’s glass of wine he could get his hands on, and downed whatever shots were being passed around without fail. The years in the frat house we’re definitely benefiting him, that was clear.

Belly watched him, followed his moves. She watched him flirt with other’s guests, though he came alone. Belly wouldn’t admit it aloud, but she was glad he showed up. It was a victory for her, because that meant that she still owned his heart. Nobody had replaced her yet.

She took a deep swig from the glass bottle, jerking it so hard that some of it spilled onto her maroon cocktail dressed. She grinned, watching the droplets dry and sink into the fabric. This dress was so expensive. Shayla helped her picked it out, and the two of them giggled as they swiped away at Conrad’s American Express.

“That’ll stain.”

Belly’s door was open, and Jeremiah was leaning against the frame, a beer in his right hand. His blazer looked to be long lost, and his white button down was open two spaces down, and she couldn’t help but ogle her former boyfriends bare skin. She wanted to call him a slut, but held her tongue. She missed his beautifully tanned complexion year round. Conrad burnt so easily in the sun, and right now the light from the hallway was illuminating Jeremiah’s skin in a way Belly couldn’t look away from.

This also was the first time they’d been alone together for the entire week. Purposely or not, Conrad always managed to insert himself into whatever conversation the two of them would start to have, which was fine, he was her fiancé, but all the time was excessive. They hadn’t gotten time to catch up with each-other, and there was a lot to catch up on, especially considering that the two of them hadn’t seen eachother since their last family vacation four months ago.

“It’s the same color,” The brunette remarked, lazily. Her cool front remained strong, but she felt it weaken significantly when Jeremiah cracked a smile that felt so familiar. He sipped at his drink and slinked into the room, practically dancing across the floor to get to Belly. She recognized then that he was drunk, but she was also drunk, which meant that the playing field was leveled.

“I missed you, Bells. Best friend is getting married and we haven’t even talked about it!” He huffed, sitting at the edge of her bed.

Belly looked like a princess, sitting upon a thousand fluffed out pillows in a fancy silky dress in the center of her bed, a wine bottle held near her. She rolled her eyes at the mention of the wedding, and then it was her turn to take a drink. “Not much to talk about. Conrad’s acting like it’s any other week, and i’m..” What was she supposed to say?

I’m thinking about you? I want you?

No, because that’d be unfair to Jeremiah. Belly had her chance with Jeremiah, and she decided to end things over a momentary lapse of judgement in Cabo. Now she engaged to Conrad, his older brother whom he was currently in family therapy with —

“Your..?” Jeremiah pressed, scooting closer to Belly just by a few inches. He was playing it safe, Belly could tell, and she really wished he wouldn’t. She wanted him to touch her like before, without any bounds. Right now he couldn’t, he was restricted because of a little metal band around Belly’s finger. “Bells, you can talk to me. You were so excited when you got engaged, but now it’s like you’ve… dropped, and I just wanna make sure everything is okay,” He squeezed her thigh, offering her a smile.

She made eye contact with Jeremiah then; meeting those lovely blue eyes. She always pictured her babies having them. Conrad had blue eyes too, but not the kind you got lost into for hours like Jeremiah’s. When they were dating, sometimes Belly would just stare at him for minutes at a time to really take in his beauty. Memorize where his freckles fell and how his nose crinkled when he laughed.

She started crying.

“I cant. I cant,” She sobbed, head hanging. She made a mess of everything.

Jeremiah was concerned, immediately rubbing circles onto the younger girls back as a method of comfort. “Cant do what? Talk to me, Isabel,” Jeremiah urged, slurring over a few of his words. Even in his inebriated state he still attempted to care for her. Put her first.

“I’m selfish. I’m getting married to your brother, and you’re trying to make me feel better.”

She lifted her head, using her free hand to wipe streaks of mascara and concealer off of her face.

That makeup was cakey anyways.

“Things just aren’t right, Jere. This isn’t right.” She shook her head subconsciously, and Jeremiah returned a confused look, but eventually began nodding his head in faux understanding. He still didn’t know what was going on, and really couldn’t comprehend it in his drunken state, but offered his support anyways. “Bells, If you don’t wanna marry Con yet, you have to tell him. He’ll try to work through it, he’s different now.” Jeremiah urged her, his eyes big and hopeful. Even though he was twenty three now, sometimes he still looked just like the teenage boy Belly was in love with.

Belly rolled her eyes. “He wouldn’t work through it. It would just be.. over. It’d be so embarrassing and all of this money would’ve been wasted.” She sniffled. “Conrad just doesn’t care.. He could care less if this wedding happens,”

She kept chugging down wine, ignoring the concerned looks from Jeremiah. Even with his eyebrows furrowed together in distress, he managed to look so good. He always looked good, but this week his outfits had been on another level. The fact that he had bulked up since their college relationship days also didn’t hurt either.

Jeremiah paused. He was stumped. He didn’t know how to counter that, because he knew it was true. Conrad didn’t care about things, and he certainly didn’t fight for things. But certainly he’d fight for Belly, right? “Bells, that’s not true. Connie loves you.” It sounded like he was convincing himself, and belly snorted, laughing harshly.

“If he loves me so much, Jere, explain why we haven’t had any sex in three months?” It slipped out before she could even stop it, and Jeremiah choked on nothing.

“Do you think we should be talking about this?” He asked, ignoring the question.

Belly rolled her eyes. They had always talked about these things before Conrad. Even before they were together. After they grew to be a certain age, sexual experiences were always a topic of conversation, because they were bestfriends and that’s what bestfriends talk about. She wasn’t going to let the fact that this was also her fiancés little brother stop that.

But she would be lying if she said she didn’t like the way Jeremiah was looking at her right now. Those all too familiar blue eyes staring at her with lust and love, they were a little glazed over too, the way they always got when he drank.

“Connie isn’t here. And we’re friends. We can talk about this,” She insisted, sitting up to place her wine bottle on the night stand besides the large bed. Her sadness faded away and was replaced by something much more.. lusftul. Jeremiah watched her crawl across the mattress to do this, belly feeling his eyes on her body. She moved back to the center, and scooted closer to Jeremiah. Their knees just barely touching.

She sat up with her legs tucked beneath her, fixated on Jeremiah’s reactions to her every move. He was trying hard not to stare at Belly’s low cut dress, and it delighted the younger girl. Meanwhile, The older male looked like he was going to explode.

It was horrible. Cruel, really. But Belly loved knowing that she still had control over him like this. It reminded her that he’d always be her’s, and her’s alone.

She flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder, and then let her hand fall down to Jeremiah’s thigh. He squirmed, and Belly grinned. “He doesn’t get me going like you do, Jere. I don’t think anyone ever will,” Sincerity dripped from her voice, but Jeremiah was still hesitant to speak, his face flushing a dark red against his tanned skin.

“I miss how you used to touch me. I miss how needy you used to get,” Her words were starting to arouse herself, and she squeezed her legs together in an attempt to get some relief.

It didn’t help.

“Remember how you used to touch me? How I touched you?”

Jeremiah couldn’t take it anymore. His body was moving before his brain could keep up, and he was kissing Belly, moaning as soon as his lips touched hers.

They were soft, just like he remembered. Belly inhaled sharply — like she couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, and then she was moving with muscle memory, kissing him back.

Belly’s hands immediately went to Jeremiah’s hair, tangling into the soft curls on top of his head, tugging at them softly. Jeremiah made a noise when she did this, and Belly groaned. She needed more; pushing him backwards and crawling on him with little resistance from the other.

The kissed deepened this way, and Jeremiah was fast to push Belly’s already riding up dress up her thighs. Belly pushed her crotch up against his bulge, rubbing up against him involuntarily. It was like she had lost all control, and her brain was just going —

Jeremiah, Jeremiah, Jeremiah….

He stopped her when she started biting at his lip, and Belly groaned.

“We…” He panted, licking at his lips. “Y-You’re getting married, to Conrad. We can’t do this,”

Belly pressed her lips into a thin line at the mention of Conrad. She didn’t want to think about Conrad, much less discuss him.

“We’re both drunk, baby.” Was all she said, mumbling and cupping his face. Jeremiah looked confused, but melted anyways as Belly peppered kisses all over and used his special nickname — ‘baby’. Jeremiah died every-time Belly called him that, and she knew it. Just let me take care of you. We need it,”

She licked at his neck, and Jeremiah craned it to the right, a drawled out moan slipping out as his childhood best friend sucked at his skin.

Why did doing horrible things have to feel so good? This was possibly the worse thing Jeremiah had ever done, and yet all he wanted to do was rip that stupid cocktail dress right off Belly’s body, and suck marks all into her skin.

But Belly wasn’t technically wrong. Both of them were drunk, beyond intoxicated. They could do this today, and never again. It would be a tiny slip up. A one time thing, and then Belly would marry Conrad and they would never have to speak of it again.

“You’re not gonna tell Connie, right?” He asked, and Belly groaned.

“Yes, i’m going to tell Conrad that I let his little brother fuck me raw.”

Jeremiah’s cock twitched at the mention of being inside of Belly. “O-One time?” He questioned, and Belly nodded, moving to unbutton his slacks; a grin playing on her features.

“One time.”

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: I Saw the TV Glow (2024)

I Saw the TV Glow (2024)

Rated PG-13 for violent content, some sexual material, thematic elements and teen smoking

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2024/06/review-i-saw-tv-glow-2024.html>

Score: 4 out of 5

I Saw the TV Glow is a movie that's probably gonna stick with me for a while. Even as somebody who didn't necessarily have the queer lens that writer/director Jane Schoenbrun brought to the film, it still hit me like a sack of bricks, a fusion of nostalgia for the kids' and teen horror shows of the '90s, a deconstruction of that nostalgia and of our relationship with the media we love, a coming-of-age tale about not fitting in and living in a miserable world, and modern creepypasta and analog horror influences, all building to an ending where the anticlimactic note it wrapped up on wound up serving as a very grim and appropriate coda suggesting that nothing good will happen after. It's a film where I was able to put together the pieces of the story and figure out where it was headed after a certain point, but the journey was a lot more important than the destination here, serving up a moody, weird tale that felt like something pulled out of both my childhood and my adulthood in equal measure. If you're expecting a simple horror tale with big frights and easy answers, this will probably leave you scratching your head at the end, but if you want a movie with a smart and wrenching plot, compelling characters, and a hell of a sense of style that's quietly chilling without really being in-your-face scary, this is one you probably won't soon forget.

The film starts out in the late '90s in an anonymous middle-class suburb that, while it was never explicitly stated where it's supposed to be, I figured out was New Jersey right away even before the credits rolled and I saw that, sure enough, this was filmed in Verona and Cedar Grove, such was the familiarity of the scenery from my own childhood. Our protagonists Owen and Maddy are a pair of awkward teenagers who slowly bond over their shared fandom of The Pink Opaque, a kids' horror series that airs on the Young Adult Network (a fairly obvious pastiche of Nickelodeon) and is inspired by shows like Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The protagonists of The Pink Opaque, Isabel and Tara, are a pair of teenage girls who developed a psychic connection at summer camp that they use to fight various monsters, as well as an overarching villain named Mr. Melancholy. For Maddy, the show is an escape from her abusive home life, while for Owen, it's a guilty pleasure that he has to watch by way of Maddy taping it every Saturday night at 10:30 and giving him the tape the following week, as not only does it air past his bedtime but his father looks askance at it for being a "girly" show. Things start to get weird once the show is canceled on a cliffhanger at the end of its fifth season -- and shortly after, Maddy mysteriously disappears, leaving only a burning TV set in her backyard.

I can't say anything more about the plot without spoilers other than the broadest strokes. On the surface, a lot of the story that transpires here, that of a creepy kids' show that may be more than it seems, is reminiscent of Candle Cove, only drawing less of its inspiration from '70s local television than from '90s Nickelodeon, Fox Kids, and The WB. But while Candle Cove was a brisk, one-off campfire tale that you can probably read in five to ten minutes (which you should, by the way), this is something with a lot more on its mind. It's a film about a life wasted, one where the real horror is psychological and emotional as Owen realizes that he's trapped in a life he shouldn't be trapped in, and it would not have worked without Justice Smith's performance as the film's central dramatic anchor. From everything I've seen him in, Smith is a guy who specializes in playing awkward nerds like Jesse Eisenberg or Michael Cera, and here, he takes that in a distinctly Lynchian direction as somebody who can't shake the feeling that he's living a lie but is either unable or unwilling to say precisely what it is. After the first act, this becomes a film about a man who's spinning his wheels in life, and not even checking off the boxes expected of a man like him to be considered "successful" seems to solve it. He narrates the film at various points, and as it goes on, it becomes hard not to wonder if even he believes what he's saying. Watching him, I saw traces of myself living in Florida until last year, spinning my own wheels in either school, menial jobs, or just sitting at home doing nothing. He's somebody whose arc struck close to home, and I imagine that, even if one discounts the fairly overt "closeted trans person" metaphors his character is wrapped in, a lot of viewers will probably get bigger chills seeing themselves in him than they will from the sight of Mr. Melancholy. Brigette Lundy-Paine, meanwhile, plays Maddie as either the one person who understands what's going on or somebody who's let her devotion to an old TV show completely consume her and drive her to madness, and while I won't say what direction the film leans in, I will say that it was still a highly compelling performance that forced me to question everything I witnessed on screen.

And beyond just the events of the story, the biggest thing the film had me questioning was nostalgia. In many ways, this is a movie about our relationship with the past, especially the things we loved as children. In many ways, it can be ridiculous the attachment we have to childhood ephemera, holding up old shows, books, movies, and games as masterpieces of storytelling only to go back to them years later and realize that they do not hold up outside of our memories of better times. It fully gets the appeal of wanting to pretend otherwise, but it is also honest about the fact that a lot of stuff we adored as kids was pretty bad. There are several scenes in this movie that show us scenes from The Pink Opaque, and Schoenbrun faithfully recreated the low-budget, 4:3 standard-definition TV look of many of those shows -- warts and all, as Owen realizes later in the film when we see one of the cheesiest things I've ever seen passed off as children's entertainment. There are many ways to read the story here and how it plays out, but one thing at its core that is unmistakable is that nostalgia is a liar.

It doesn't hurt, either, that this is a beautiful film to watch. It may be about how the main reason we're nostalgic for the past is because they were simpler times when we had lower standards, but Schoenbrun still makes the late '90s and '00s look magical, even if it comes paired with a sort of bleakness in the atmosphere that never lets up. The constant feeling of overcast moodiness is not only visually gripping, it serves the film's themes remarkably well, creating the feeling that, even during the protagonists' wondrous childhoods, there's something lurking just out of frame that isn't right and is going to make their lives miserable. The monster design, much of it first seen on The Pink Opaque, was an odd mix of cheesy and genuinely creepy that not only served as a loving homage to the '90s kids'/teen horror shows that this movie was referencing, but still managed to work in the story, especially once shit gets real and those dumb-looking monsters suddenly become the scariest damn things your 12-year-old self ever watched. There aren't a lot of big jump scares here; rather, this is a movie powered by themes and performances, with Maddy's third-act speech in particular suddenly having me take another look at shows like Buffy and Angel that I grew up with in a completely different light. (Damn it, why did Lost have to be so mind-screwy and reality-fiddling that I could suddenly draw all manner of disquieting conclusions about it?)

The Bottom Line

I Saw the TV Glow isn't for everyone, but it's still a highly potent tale of nostalgia and growing up that wears its affection for its inspirations on its sleeve and has a very solid, engaging, and chilling core to it. Whether you're a child of the '90s and '00s, non-heteronormative, or simply in the mood for an offbeat teen horror movie, this is one to check out, and one I'll probably be thinking about for a long time.

[poppletonink]

The Summer I Turned Pretty (Season One) Review

★★★★☆ - 4 stars

"You don't know the effect you have on people."

Belly Conklin measures her life in summers: summers with Mam, brother, and the Fishers family. Since she was a little girl, her mother's best friend Suzanna Fisher has told her she is destined for one of her sons: Conrad or Jeremiah. Ever since was ten, Belly has had a crush on Conrad, but of course, he never noticed her. This summer, however, is going to be different, especially with Belly's new look and newfound confidence. A summer of first love, friendships, debutante balls, and drama awaits in The Summer I Turned Pretty.

The soundtrack on this show took it to a whole other level - Taylor Swift playing at every important 'Belly x Conrad' moment was adorable, and Cruel Summer being the opening song was iconic. To put it simply, I loved the soundtrack of this show.

The big debate between The Summer I Turned Pretty fans is without a doubt whether you're Team Jeremiah or Team Conrad. Conrad is more of the dark, brooding type, but he definitely loves Belly - he just has a hard time showing it. Jeremiah, on the other hand, is the complete opposite: the playful, golden retriever type who blatantly shows off his love for Belly (even at one point introducing her as "Isabel Conklin [...] my future wife". While I love them both (and find them really annoying simultaneously), I was definitely converted to Team Conrad by the end. However, I can totally see the appeal of Jeremiah.

While The Summer I Turned Pretty is a rom-com, heavily focusing on who Belly will end up with, it also has an important message that teenagers (especially teenage girls) need to hear: that self love is important. When Conrad tells Belly that he "liked her better with glasses" she replies "too bad, I liked me better without them"; even though Belly has had a crush on Conrad since she was ten, she still puts her own love for herself over his validation for her, which is a really important message rarely shown in the rom-com genre.

A lot of people would simply describe The Summer I Turned Pretty as a cheesy teen romance, and at times, I'll admit, it was. However, there was definitely something special about this show: the music, the casting, the characters, the relationships between characters - all of it drew together to create something I'd definitely recommend as a watch for this summer.

[shellwanders]

Mansanitas Curve: Isabel's Hilltop Tourist Spot Chill Place

Want to Chill? Want to Grill? Want to eat BBQ? Want to do everything with a view? Don’t fret because you can find everything in Mansanitas Curve. Traveling to Mansanitas Curve for the first time? This detailed and curated travel guide will make it easy for you to navigate your way inside, save money, and maximize your time. View this post on Instagram A post shared by 🌈 Shell…

[viilpstick]

RAHHHH LET'S GO HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY (this isn't very valentine's day themed it just happens during Valentine's day 😔)

@justm3di0cr3 me and Barbs already wrote our scenarios for valentine's day IT'S YOUR TURN ON (only if u want ofc)

•••

“Hey, Neige, are you going to drink this?” Isabelle asked, fanning herself with her hands. NRC was having a Valentine's Day festival open for the public, and of course RSA students would join. Unfortunately for Isabelle who was born in a country with the weather typically cold, staying in a crowd for a long period of time during summer made her sweat and get thirstier than usual.

Neige looked up at her from his phone, then eyed the drink he had received a while ago. It was sitting beside him on a bench, he had completely forgotten about it even… a fan had given it to him, they were super eager for him to drink it too… but he guessed it wouldn't be too bad if Isa drank it as well.

“Sure! No need to ask, Isa.” Neige offered it to the girl, who happily smiled and grabbed it. It was still cold, and she was extremely thankful it was, she really needed something to cool her down…

“Thanks, I'll pay you back later.”

The brunette took a small sip, before feeling a big hand covering her eyes, bringing her body close to the person who had the audacity to touch her without asking. They also took the drink from her hand and by the sound and Neige’s small gasp she could assume the person had thrown the liquid away.

“Don't drink that. It smells like magic.” Isabelle immediately recognized the voice as belonging to her fiancé, and while her body relaxed at knowing it was someone familiar, she grabbed his wrist and tried (and failed) to take his hand out of her face.

“What's the funny idea about grabbing my face, you moron?” Isa complained, but both boys ignored it and Leona even tightened his grip a bit.

“Shush. How'd you get your hands on a love potion? And why was she trying to drink it?” Leona asked Neige and he flinched at the anger in his voice and at the conclusion of the drink being a love potion.

“A love potion? A-are you certain? A fan of mine gave me that, there must be a misunderstan-”

“That explains it.” Leona clicked his tongue, and at that his guard lowered, and Isabelle was finally able to take his hand off her face.

“I took only a sip, you weirdo, I'm fine!” Leona's eye twitched as their gazes met. He knew what was about to happen and he was not ready to deal with it. As her green eyes met his she stopped and stared, and he watched as her irises changed color to pink almost immediately. “...your eyes have a bit of blue in them. I never noticed.”

“Good grief.”

•••

“Where's that annoying friend of yours when you need her anyway?”

“Her name is Adeline! Not that hard you know…” Isabelle said, and Leona was slightly surprised that she still retaliated despite the potion’s effects. Maybe it was because she didn't drink all of it. “Where are you taking me anyway? I mean, I don't mind but…”

Leona loudly groaned at that, stopping in his tracks and looking down at her. “Stop doing that. It doesn't suit you.”

“What do you mean? I'm being perfectly normal.” And she actually believed it. He could see it in her eyes, she really meant it.

“Just stop saying corny stuff. It's annoying.”

“Corny?” Isabelle went pink, her frown evident. “I'm not being corny, I'm being honest! Is it that bad?”

“Yes.” He said, getting a bit closer to her and poking her forehead. “Now just come along, I need to make something to nullify the effects of this potion quickly.”

As he said that, he started dragging her to the school’s potion lab, her hand perfectly fitting in his. Isabelle stared at it and felt her face getting red, and despite her hand getting sweaty, she didn't want to let go. Her heart was beating a mile per second as she looked up and watched the back of Leona's head. He was too focused on getting them to their destination, he probably didn't even realize their hands were locked, or worse, he didn't care. She felt her heart ache for a moment, as she decided to interlock their fingers together. Leona gave her a quick glance but ignored it, just giving her hand a slight squeeze, which she happily reciprocated. Suddenly, that small action lifted her spirits.

She never felt this way about him before. She knew she drank a love potion, but this felt so real she was unsure it was even the effects of the potion. Maybe… maybe she has always felt this way about him, and only now realized.

“Sit still, I don't want you causing more trouble.” Leona said, letting her stand aside as he started working on a potion to cure his fiancée. He knew about how Isabelle truly felt about him, he knew about her hatred and disgust, but because of that he couldn't take her sugar coated words and actions towards him. He was grateful she was being slightly normal despite the clear lovesick look in her eyes.

He felt Isabelle's small pair of arms wrap around his waist, and her face rest on his back.

Maybe she wasn't as normal as he thought she was.

“Don't make this.” She basically mumbled, her voice muffled against his back. “I want to stay like this.”

“Trust me, mouse, you're not in your right mind to decide about this.” Leona replied, continuing to work despite his beating heart. He figured acting as if this wasn't a big deal would be the best decision, he didn't want Isabelle to call him a creep once she was back to normal.

“I am perfectly fine! I've never felt so well in my entire life!” Isabelle defended herself, hugging him tighter and tilting her head to get a look at his face. Leona sighed and looked back at her, stopping for a minute to give her his attention. “That potion, whatever its effects are, only made me realize how much I love you, Leona.”

His eyes widened, his tail moving slowly.

“You don't mean that.” He said firmly, his hand moving back to finish the potion as the girl’s heart seemed to break. Her grip loosened and she looked at him with a pout. “Let me finish this already, will you?”

Isabelle released him, standing behind him but watching his back, the way his muscles moved as he lifted his arm and stirred the liquid in the cauldron. She looked away.

Leona finally finished it, getting the liquid into a clean measuring cup, the closest thing to him at the moment. The lion beastmen turned, ready to give the smaller one the potion, but once he looked at her, he only saw her annoyed expression, one he knew all too well and, admittedly, started to adore — against his will.

“What?” He asked, frowning as well in both curiosity and annoyance. He just wanted this to be over already so the Isabelle he knew could come back and scream at him and remind him of what she actually was like, how she actually felt.

“I mean it. I mean it with my whole heart.”

“Mouse, you’re under the effects of a-”

“My name is Isabelle Desrosiers.” She firmly said, the fire in her eyes Leona knew all too well was present, and he faltered for a moment. “Call me by my name.”

“Isabelle.” He said, noticing the blush on the girl's face. “You're under the effects of a love potion. You have no idea how you actually feel about me.”

“I love you. There's no potion that will change that, not even the one you're holding now.”

Leona chuckled at that, making the girl even more frustrated, so, in an attempt to prove that she was being completely honest, Isabelle did the one thing she knew Leona would not be able to not understand.

She kissed him.

Hands on his shirt to pull him down to her height, standing on her tiptoes because of how annoyingly tall her fiancé was, she kissed him like she meant it, catching Leona by surprise. He stayed put for a moment, his green eyes still open in shock, staring at the details of her face as their lips were pressed. He didn't move, he didn't dare touch her, nor did he dare to deepen the kiss, in actually, he gently pushed her away, one of his hands on her shoulder as she looked at him with determination. She looked a bit disappointed, probably because he didn't reciprocate, but how could he when he knew it was all fake?

“Do- do you believe me now?”

“I wish.” Leona said in almost a whisper, his face still close to hers and the girl sighed. He grabbed her chin and made her drink the potion he made. He made sure to not hurt her, and in all honesty she had already given up fighting, accepting the drink although begrudgingly.

As she was done, she stared at the cup, her eyes going back to their usual green color. She glanced at Leona but quickly looked away, her face red in embarrassment. Leona forced a laugh.

“Don't worry too much, mouse. I'll just pretend the kiss didn't happen.”

For what seemed like the billionth time that day, Isabelle's heart broke, her gaze shifting to the ground as she frowned and fidgeted with her fingers. Of course, that was the natural reaction, it's not like they were actually in love.

“Yes. Thank you for taking care of me.” Right after that, the girl rushed outside, needing to be away from her fiancé- no, from Leona. They were only to get wed for formalities anyway. It didn't matter.

Still, she couldn't help by cry once Adeline found her and asked her if she was ok.

. . .

i am going to hunt you down.

mah, more movie.

MAH MORE MOVIEEE!!!!!!!!

PART 2. I NEED NOW AN ACTUAL FLUFFY VALENTINE SHIT. WHAT IS THIS????

[listening-to-free-audiobooks]

Scoundrels, Rakes, and Rogues Series by Mindy Burbridge Strunk

Prequel: Mistaken Identity

Can she truly love him if she thinks he is someone else?

Jessica Standish is considered an upstart in the eyes of society because she is merely the daughter of a wealthy merchant. After a failed season, the devastating loss of her father and his fortune, her chances of a good match seem impossible. When her mother arranges for them to attend one of the biggest house parties of the summer, Jes dreads the idea of being seen as a fortune hunter. But then Lord Ian arrives. Even though she has only danced with him once, he has become the man of her dreams. As the connection between them grows, he seems so different from the man she thought she was.

Conrad Pinkerton, the Marquess of Kendal despises the ton and all the scheming, the guises and the games that go with it. For years he has declined their invitations. Then his twin brother, Ian, calls in a favor and Conrad grudgingly assumes a guise of his own--pretending to be his brother at a house party. When he meets Miss Standish, he wants nothing more than to pursue her. But that would mean exposing his lies which would hurt both their reputations and threaten the relationship he didn’t know he wanted.

With family names and fortunes on the line, can Conrad and Jes see past their schemes and guises to find a lasting love together?

Book 1: Reforming the Gambler

by Mindy Burbidge Strunk

He has lost everything. She has everything to lose.

Lord Ian Pinkerton enjoyed a carefree life, until his brother cut him off without a penny. After he wins an estate, he thinks his luck may be changing. Until he sees it. With no funds to fix his rundown estate, Ian considers leaving Scotland until he meets his beautiful neighbor. But to his surprise, she seems to detest him.

Catriona Melton, Baroness of Crannach, has been in hiding with her son on a remote Scottish isle. When she meets the handsome Lord Ian, she quickly decides she wants nothing to do with him. But every encounter they have seems to contradict her earlier assumptions.

When an old foe threatens to take everything from Cat, Ian steps in to help and Cat must decide if her old assumptions or her heart will prevail.

Book 2: Rake on the Run

He never expected to get caught in the parson's mousetrap. Least of all by a friend.

Lord Nathaniel Westlake has a reputation with the ladies and their fathers. But he always manages to stay two steps ahead of them catching him in the parson’s noose. His last narrow escape lands him on a ship and it seems like the perfect solution. That is until he learns the ship is bound for India. To make matters worse, the only available woman on board is a lady already wise to his antics. If he makes a muddle of things this time, there will be no means of escape.

When Miss Justina Tinsdale agrees to accompany her aunt and uncle on their journey to India, the last person she expected to discover aboard is Lord Nathaniel. The man seems incapable of remembering his past mistakes, but she does, and she won't let him off so easily. But month after month on a ship finds them often in each other's company and she sees a side of him society would never believe. One she never expected. But is he worthy of her trust or is it just the confines of the ship that brings about the change in him?

Lord Nathaniel is determined not to let another woman hurt him, while Justina is sure he only wants to add her to his list of conquests. Will they learn to trust their feelings for one another, or is their friendship destined to break both their hearts?

Book 3: The Secrets of a Scoundrel

She is the only woman he has ever loved, but she can’t stand the sight of him.

Lady Isabel Palmer was crushed when her best friend and fellow adventurer, Marcus, left without even a goodbye. As years passed, tales of his rakish lifestyle reach her, and she buried any feelings she ever had for him. But when Marcus shows up years later in the middle of her father’s hunting party, old feelings and bitterness surface, placing the once close friends constantly at odds.

Marcus Tierney left Essex years ago, hoping to return eventually for Isabel. However, a tarnished reputation put an end to any dreams he might have harbored for a love marriage, keeping him from Isabel and his family estate for far too long. When a visit to the Palmer’s estate becomes necessary, Marcus hopes to find forgiveness but is instead met with disdain by those he once called friends.

As Marcus and Isabel increasingly find themselves together, they begin to realize their previous judgments do not hold true. Is it possible to leave the past behind and forgive each other? Or do their resentments run too deep, destroying all hope for a future of love and happiness?

[datainteg]

Check out this listing I just found on Poshmark: NWT Waimari Resortwear Chloe linen lace trim eyelet tiered fit flare mini skirt.

[heich0e]

PERCOLATE CHAPTER 12 (LEVI'S POV SNIPPET)

thank you for 18k!!

“Mom, I’m just about to get on the train so I’m gonna lose you — I’ll call you tomorrow, all right?”

The cool evening breeze whooshed past the ear that Levi didn’t have his cellphone pressed against as he stood at the top of the steps leading down into the train station, so he cupped his hand around it to better hear his mother's reply.

The two quickly said their goodbyes to end the call, and Levi jogged down the steps into the station below.

Being so close to campus, there were plenty of students milling around the little platform waiting for the train. It was still early in the evening so it was running every fifteen minutes, but there were enough people squeezed into the space that Levi knew the train was likely just about to arrive.

Levi had always hated trains.

They were filthy and crowded and it made him feel claustrophobic trapped so far underground, hidden where the light of day couldn’t reach him. The underground in Shiganshina was admittedly far more tolerable than it was in Mitras where he’d grown up, the risk of being pick-pocketed or outrightly mugged significantly lesser, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. However, he couldn’t deny the transportation system's practicality — especially on evenings where he wasn’t able to drive himself places — so he stomached the discomfort he felt as his train raced into the station, the stale air of the platform whipping the ends of his hair into his eyes, waiting patiently for the doors to open and the departing passengers to file out before he stepped aboard train.

The train was quite full so Levi settled for a spot near the door, careful to position himself so he could lean a shoulder against the wall to keep himself steady rather than having to touch any of the rails, locking his knees against the momentum that tried to push him backwards as the train took off once more. He brushed some of his hair back from his eyes, a little dishevelled from the rushing air from the trains arrival, grateful that he’d texted Isabel earlier and asked her to come and cut his hair at his apartment the next day.

His found his thoughts flickering to the girl who had reminded him to do it in the first place.

He smiled a little to himself, a wry little quirk at the corner of his lips that happened unconsciously. He tilted his face towards the door as he made eye contact with a young woman on the other side of the train car who was watching him, heat rising in his cheeks.

Levi tapped the toe of his shoe against the floor of the train, ignoring how filthy the ground under his soles likely was, and waited with bated breath for the moment the train would pull into his destination. He was the first person to squeeze through the doors when they finally parted — rushing out onto the platform and towards the exit before most people had even made it out of their seats.

He was grateful for the first breath of air he pulled into his lungs once he made it back up to the surface, the cool night air a welcome reprieve from the heavy, stagnant atmosphere that choked him on the train. Levi turned his face up into the breeze as he walked towards The Underground (this time meaning the bar), enjoying the way the air was just crisp enough to be refreshing without any actual bite of chill.

Levi loved the spring.

He always had, for as long as he could remember. It wasn’t as frigid and harsh as the winter, nor as oppressively hot and heavy as the summer heat. He supposed he also rather liked autumn — a season he inextricably associated with a return to school since that’s what he’d done every fall for the past twenty years — but spring was still his favourite.

He liked seeing the birds come back to campus and the leaves reappearing on the boughs of trees, first as tight, knobbly buds but soon unfurling into spindly blossoms which grew into new leaves. He liked the way the sunlight started to last longer, and how the air grew warmer, little by little with each passing day. He even liked the rain, and the way all of the recently grown grass and the new leaves in the trees looked so green after a heavy downpour.

Green had always been his favourite colour, after all. He wondered if it was because it reminded him of spring — or maybe if spring was his favourite season because of all the green.

Maybe it was a bit of both.

Levi rounded the final corner on his short walk to The Underground from the train station, and caught sight of a familiar figure standing just a few paces from the door. Her arms were wrapped around herself, one hand holding her phone to her ear.

She looked stressed.

His heartbeat stuttered a little in his chest, an unexpected tremor running through his bones.

Levi found himself walking a little bit faster.

He couldn’t hear her from so far away, and she was speaking so gently that her lips barely formed the shape of words at all — certainly nothing concrete enough for Levi to try and read.

Levi found himself jostled slightly as he knocked shoulders with a passerby, who grunted out some sort of derisive comment about Levi not paying attention to where he was going, but Levi didn’t so much as slow his pace.

He was only a few metres away when her eyes finally met his — wet with tears and terrified.

And that’s the thing that made Levi finally freeze.

His feet were suddenly weighed to the ground as though cemented there, impossibly heavy, refusing to be moved.

She looked devastated, and Levi was petrified by it.

Her eyes turned far away again, her attention still on the phone pressed shakily to her ear, she barely seemed to have recognized she looked at him at all.

He didn’t know what to do.

What was he supposed to do?

He wanted to help her, desperately, achingly so. But he didn’t know what that meant. What that looked like.

He felt sick.

He watched, the world turning in slow motion, as she fell to her knees, and like a video that had been unpaused, he finally stumbled into motion again, stepping towards her shaking form.

But someone beat him to it.

He had seen the door to the bar open, seen Erwin step out at the same time that the girl collapsed — and he was closer than Levi. He made it to her first.

Levi watched, something hideous and painful and choking twisting inside his too-tight chest, as Erwin cradled her face in his hands, as he soothed her.

He suddenly felt even more nauseated than he had a moment prior, and a vertigo was rushing through him as though he was still standing on the cramped train as it hurtled through the underground.

“I got in.”

Levi should have felt relief to hear those words, but they somehow only made him feel worse.

Levi watched as Erwin guided her up to her feet, his large hands brushing over the knees of her jeans, clearing away little bits of gravel and dirt that clung to the material from its time pressed to the sidewalk.

Levi could feel her eyes on his face, but refused to meet them.

Erwin turned to him, as though noticing him for the first time.

“Rook got into journalism!” the blonde man said brightly, his hand dipping behind the girl’s shoulders. Levi forced himself not to look.

“I can see that,” he said, his voice sounding flatter than he wanted it to. His throat felt thick and uncomfortable as he forced out the words.

Levi watched as Erwin dragged her back into the bar, guiding her with a hand on the small of her back as he steered her towards the table where he shared the good news with their waiting friends.

Watched as Erwin tweaked her nose as she made some sort of denigrating comment about how she was worried she wasn’t going to get in.

Watched the way Erwin never ventured too far from her for the rest of the night.

All ways that Erwin could touch her that Levi didn’t know how, each new instance of casual, warm familiarity filed away in the back of Levi’s mind resentfully as he observed them from a distance. Painfully aware of each time and way that Erwin touched her that Levi wished was him.

But for all the ways Levi knew how to touch her, how he had been learning to touch her over the past few months, he hadn’t known how to approach her in that moment. When she had needed him. Needed anyone.

Part of his mind had screamed at him to go to her, but another told him that it wasn’t his place.

He didn’t know how to touch anyone like that.

Much less her.

Levi choked back the bitter taste of inadequacy, drowned it in another mouthful of beer, and ignored the tug in his chest when he felt her eyes on him again.

[taestefully-in-luv]

The Hero's Countdown | PJM (One)

Summary: Soulmates: The one you are bound to. In this world, you feel everything they feel. Their joy, their pain, everything. Once day you feel the most excruciating amount of pain only to find out your soulmate has died. What happens when the God’s of Time offer to turn back time so you can make things right and save your soulmates life?

Pairing: Jimin x Female reader

Genre: soulmates au, Gods au, fluff, smut, angst, crack

Word Count: 9.4k

Warnings: swearing, suicide, mentions of sex, oc is kinda a bitch

Notes: And the first chapter is finally here! Sorry it took so long!! I don’t know why I have been so nervous to post this…but It’s going to be a fun journey! Send an ask if you want to be added to a taglist or if you just want to chat:) (Remember this is all fictitious)

Taglist: @mawwnsterr @fancycollectormoon

© taestefully-in-luv

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

June 21

Pain. Excruciating pain. You feel it in your chest first, then the intense feeling travels from your beating heart to the tips of your fingers. You choke on air trying to compose yourself, but the pain is so unbelievably powerful that you struggle to catch your breath. Something’s wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Your hand goes to your chest, you pull at your shirt as you try to breathe and then suddenly it stops. Just like that. Something happened. Something happened to him.

~

Soulmates: Two people with the soul connection who feel they are linked on a soul level in a significant or extraordinary way. In this world that means the person you are bound to. When you meet you feel an incredibly intense pull of instant recognition and intense attraction followed by intense emotions. And you feel everything they feel. Their joy, their pain, just everything if it’s considered intense. Physically and emotionally. And that doesn’t stop until you officially “connect” with your partner. What does that even mean? Connect? Does that mean fucking? That sounds like it means fucking. It probably means fucking. You don’t believe in all this bullshit though. The universes predestined bullshit can kiss. Your. Ass.

You’ve learned the hard way that even destined soulmates can’t always make it work…and leaving it up to fate leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. So you ignore fate. You do the very opposite of what fate wants. Fate is strong though and very hard to ignore. It pulls you in the direction of your soulmate constantly—quite literally. Whenever you get the urge, like urge to do something—like out of nowhere get the idea to visit the new bookstore down the block…even though you don’t care for reading. Yeah, that’s a sign that fate is trying to work its magic but you resist that god damn urge and do your own thing. And that’s just one example.

Feeling all your soulmates feelings wouldn’t be so horrible if the man you are destined to be with wasn’t so god damn emotional. Fucking Park Jimin. Yes, you’re well aware who your soulmate is…how else do you know how to avoid him so perfectly? As much as you can at least…considering… But he doesn’t seek you out either—thankfully. But you know he wants to. You can quite literally feel it…his yearning is so powerful it makes you nauseas. But he agreed to stay away. So now you live your life however you please! You have an amazing job that you love, a fantastic group of friends and a hot man you sex up on the regular. Things are good!

The only thing that isn’t good is that you still haven’t bought Isabelle a gift for her birthday party tonight. You’re walking on the sidewalk back to work from getting a coffee on this breezy Monday afternoon when you are hit with realization that you are the worst best friend ever. She always goes above and beyond for your birthday but you can’t even think of a decent gift for her! You listen to the click clack of your heels hitting the pavement as your mind wanders…what could you possibly get her that she doesn’t already have?

You feel your phone buzzing and speak of the devil.

“Hello?” You bring the phone to your ear and your coffee to your lips.

“Please tell me you didn’t invite Julio to my birthday event? Because I just got a text from him asking if he needs to bring anything.” You hear your frazzled best friend on the other line.

“He’s my date tonight.” You say nonchalantly. “Come on, when you guys drink together you…kind of…get along.” You shrug even though she can’t see you.

“Good lord, y/n. You know I can’t stand him. I know he’s got “that good dick” but couldn’t we have went one night without him.” she whines into the phone and you chuckle.

“I’ll make sure he behaves.” You promise. “Now tell me,” you stop at a cross walk and wait for the little person to light up. “What the hell do you want for your birthday?”

“…classic y/n.” Isabelle sighs out, “Just do what you did last year and buy me yet another scarf for my collection.”

“Okay I’ve only bought you like three scarves.” You defend with a pout.

“Four actually, but okay.”

“I’ll just figure it out. See you tonight boo.”

“Fine, see you tonight.” And then you’re bringing the phone down and clicking the end button. Isabelle and Julio (your fuck buddy) don’t necessarily get along. They’re both too similar, you think. But neither will admit that. You’ve been seeing Julio for a few months now, it’s nothing serious of course. He has yet to meet his soulmate and you’re just totally against soulmates. So it makes for good sex.

You walk up to your building and take a deep breath, time to get back to work. You love your job, you really do. But you constantly put your job before your sanity. Because—

“Oh hey.”

Him. You felt him before you even saw him…that’s how strong the pull is. Fate is a funny thing. It brought you to this job, and it brought you to him. But instead of purposely choosing another path and avoiding him like the plague you chose to endure. Because you fucking love this job.

You write scripts for video games and it’s the most fulfilling thing in your life right now…yes even more fulfilling than Julio’s dick. But seeing him 5 days of the week and feeling how he yearns for you is really fucking your head up.

“I said don’t talk to me, remember?” you say with a tight smile. “Seeing you is hard enough.”

Jimin’s eyes soften as he looks at you and he offers an apologetic smile.

“Goodbye, y/n.” and he’s walking past you as he decides to take the stairs while your lazy ass waits for the elevator.

Pain. You feel his pain. And you wince at the overwhelming feeling. But you have to endure and move forward!

“Afternoon y/n.” Your boss comes up to you as you both wait for the elevator. “You got that new script ready for me?”

“Yes sir, I’ll bring it up to your desk before I leave work today.” You offer him one of your sweeter smiles and he brightens.

“Great!” he chuckles wholeheartedly and pats your back, then he’s walking forward once the elevator arrives.

You sigh out in relief that he didn’t question you further…because in truth, that script is not ready and you’re about to have to work your ass off for the rest of the day.

~~~~~

It’s pretty chilly for being an evening in the summer but hey, you won’t complain. It’s better than the blistering heat from a few days ago. You have the address on your phone for the restaurant you’re meeting Isabelle at for her birthday bash. The streets are busy as usual since the city never rests. You walk towards a group of people when you suddenly are hit with an intense feeling of…despair? God, it hurts. But it’s over just as quickly as it started. You compose yourself and continue walking…a few worried looks from strangers but you brush it off.

“She’s finally here!” Isabelle slurs out, “My best fucking friend bitches!”

“Oh my god who let her get drunk before dinner?” you ask, scratching the top of your head as Isabelle rushes to hug you.

“It’s my birthday, I can do what I want.” She drunkenly giggles. “Hurry, hurry.” She ushers you to take a seat and you do. You plop down in the spot next to her, setting your birthday bag down on the ground.

“Another scarf?” she teases, pointing at the bag.

“And if it is?”

“Then I’ll love it you predictable bitch.”

“Hey gorgeous.” You feel a pair of lips kissing your cheek and you know just who they belong to.

“Hi.” You breathe out, “just getting here?” you ask and Julio nods his head yes.

“I didn’t want to get here way earlier than you…I wouldn’t have a friend to hang out with.” He playfully pouts, “But you’re here now.”

“Yes, now you have a friend.” You wink.

You’re about to speak again when another wave of pain hits you. You throw a hand over your racing heart and breathe out heavily.

“Hey, you okay?” Julio rubs your back, “y/n?”

And then it disappears as quickly as it came…

“Yeah, yeah.” You gasp out, “Jeez, wow.” You whisper. “I’m fine.”

Julio gives you a look of concern before he’s nodding his head slowly and turning his body to grab a drink.

“If you say so.” He mumbles.

You try to shake off these strange feelings, and try to have a good time. Isabelle is throwing back drink after drink and after dinner you join her. You begin to loosen up, the alcohol working its drunken magic on you. Isabelle is dancing on a table as the restaurants staff tries their best to get her down, you just watch and laugh like a maniac.

Everything is going good, really good…until pain.

Pain. Excruciating pain. You feel it in your chest first, then the intense feeling travels from your beating heart to the tips of your fingers. You choke on air trying to compose yourself, but the pain is so unbelievably powerful that you struggle to catch your breath. Something’s wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Your hand goes to your chest, you pull at your shirt as you try to breathe and then suddenly it stops. Just like that. This wave felt like death itself. Something happened. Something happened to him.

“y/n? y/n?” You hear Julio call out for you desperately as you try to even out your breathing.

“Hey, you okay?” his voice sounds so distant, like he’s getting further and further away from you. “Get out of my way!” You now hear Isabelle’s voice, she’s pushing through the crowd that surrounds you. “I said, get out of my way!”

Then finally she’s at your side, you are heaving, you are struggling to breath. You feel your cheeks wet from the tears that managed to escape your eyes unknowingly.

What the fuck happened? What’s happening?

Finally, after several minutes of gasping for air, you manage to relax.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?” Isabelle looks at you with worried eyes, her hand on your back as you straighten yourself.

“Isabelle…I think something happened.”

“What?”

“It’s Jimin, I can feel it.”

Isabelle’s eyes widen and she nods her head in understanding. “Let’s get you home.”

“You have reached the voicemail box of…” you slam your phone down on your coffee table and sigh out in frustration. You have called Jimin maybe 10 times now but it just keeps going to voicemail. What the hell happened? Is he okay? This feels wrong, you feel wrong. You feel empty for some reason like someone stole your life away, like they sucked it right out of your body. You feel weak. You are barely able to move from the coffee table from how fucking weak you are.

You decide to call it a night, you will just confront Jimin at work tomorrow and ask what the hell happened. You drag your weak, weak body to your bed and try your hardest to fall asleep. But all you can think about is Jimin, he’s taking over your mind. Like, you can’t control it. You see images of him and images of his life, maybe you are just imagining it? But you’re sure these are images of his life…is that something soulmates can do? You toss and turn for hours, until finally you see the sky turn a dark blue and eventually the sun is rising.

You decide to just say fuck it, and get up. You’ll get to work early today. You have so much trouble getting ready, you feel ill. Like, a demon sucked you dry of your energy. But you endure because you really need to see Jimin today.

You grab a coffee on the way to work when you feel yourself being pulled into the direction of your office—Jimin must be there. You walk a little faster and when you finally reach the building you notice something is off. There’s groups of people gathered around the building and police officers inside, you walk in and see your boss talking to one of the officers.

“Oh y/n!” your boss calls out to you, his hand raised up to get your attention, and then he’s waving you over.

“Yes?” you look between him and the officer, “What’s up? What’s going on?”

“Did you know Park Jimin?” The officer gets straight to the point.

“I…do…” your eyes scan the inside of the building and you notice a couple of women that work in your office crying into each other’s arms.

“Do you know if something was going on his life? Something that could lead him to commit suicide?”

“C-Commit?” you look around the room again, you notice your boss looking antsy and the couple of women crying did happen to work in Jimin’s department.

“Yes mam, we understand this is difficult. But any information you have could be crucial. We need to make sure we can rule this out as suicide and not something more serious.”

“He loved his job.” Your boss cuts in nervously, “So it’s not because we didn’t treat him well or something…”

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, “Commit suicide?”

“We found Park Jimin’s body this morning in his apartment. Overdose it seems. His elderly neighbor usually brings him breakfast in the mornings and when he didn’t answer she got concerned. She was shocked to say the least.”

“He-He’s dead?” you blink at the officer repeatedly, “He died?” you are in a state of shock yourself. There’s no way…you just saw him yesterday…but…but those waves of pain you felt then that huge wave that felt like…death itself.

“I think you’re wrong.” You say, in a state of denial now. “Jimin was just here…I just saw him yesterday.”

“Time of death is some time last night.” The officer confirms. “That’s her!” you hear the voice of a woman scream out. “That’s that bitch!” you turn around in a daze, trying to find the source of the screams.

“You fucking bitch!” you see a woman charging at you, screaming at the top of her lungs with her finger pointed in your direction.

“M-Me?” you point at yourself in confusion.

“He just…why couldn’t you give him a chance?” The woman breaks down, falling to her knees in front of you. “You’re his soulmate for fucks sake. This is all your fault!” She cries out, defeated.

You stand here, confused as hell. He told people? And how is this your fault?

“H-He’s not gone.” You say weakly, your shock still very fresh. “I’ll call him.” you quickly grab your phone from your pocket and dial Jimin’s number.

“You have reached the voicemail box of….”

You gulp, trying again…

“You have reached the voicemail box of….”

And again.

“You have reached the voicemail box of….”

Fuck, why isn’t he answering? You start to panic now. You blink back growing tears, your body seems to be growing weaker and weaker.

“He’s just…”

“He’s dead!” she screams out, looking up into your eyes, her own eyes bubbled over with tears. “And it’s your fucking fault!”

The officer is helping the women off the floor and escorting her outside the building. You stand here in complete shock still, your body about to give out on you. There’s absolutely no way Jimin is dead. And there’s absolutely no way it’s your fault. Right?

~~~~~

Your limbs are so overwhelmingly heavy as you are draped over your sofa. You are unable to move. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat. You are unable to form sentences at this point, you feel drained. Completely drained. You still can’t believe the news. Jimin is gone. You don’t want to believe it but you do feel heartbroken…you feel so lost and empty and incomplete.

You close your eyes, hoping to drift off into a deep, deep sleep.

“We should let her sleep…”

“No! Girl needs to wake up and we need to get this show on the road!”

“Jin…”

“What? The more time she sleeps the more time she wastes.”

“We literally control time we can let her sleep for 5 more minutes.”

“Exactly, we control it so you know how precious it is, Namjoon.”

You swear you hear voices but you’re too fucking tired to open your eyes, they sound so far away…

“Listen I’m only letting her have these 5 minutes because girl needs her beauty sleep. Do you see those horrible dark circles?”

“That’s what you’re concerned about?”

“Okay, she has like 30 seconds left and we are waking her ass up.”

“Fine.”

“Hey! Hey!” your shoulders are getting fucking rocked as somebody tries to wake you. “Wakey Wakey, hands off snakey!”

“She doesn’t have a snakey dude.” You hear another voice.

You slowly begin to open your eyes when you see a man with his hands on your shoulders. You scream. You scream bloody murder.

“Hey, woah, woah!” The guy puts his hands up in surrender. “Not going to hurt you!”

“We’re just here to talk.” The other voice cuts in, you snap your head to the side and notice another man. You scramble on the sofa, getting into a defensive position as you scream again.

“Have ourself a screamer, don’t we?” the first man winks, “Huh? Huh?” he opens his arms wide and shakes his head around. “No? Tough crowd.”

“Who the hell are you two? Take what you want! Please just leave me alone!”

“We don’t want anything and leaving you alone isn’t something we can do.” The second man says, he sighs out and crosses his arms. “Look, we need to talk.”

“Oh!” the first man quirks a brow, “We don’t want to take anything…no offense, maybe a little offense, but your apartment isn’t that ni—”

“Jin, now is not the time.”

“What the fuck is happening?” you yell out, “Who are you two?”

“Right.” The first man says, “Introductions. Should we just say who we are or should we do our little number that you refuse to rehearse?”

“We aren’t singing as our intros, Jin.”

“Why not? So unfair, Tae and Hobi do it.

“They’re a special breed.” The second man releases a long breath, “I’m Namjoon.”

“And I’m Jin.”

“And we’re—”

“The Gods of Time!”

You blink at the two psychopaths in your living room with your mouth wide open. What the fuck?

“How did you two get in here?!” you ask, deciding to ignore their little introduction.

“Walked through the front door.”

“But it’s locked—“”

“No, like literally.” Jin states, “We walked through it. Because we’re you know, Gods.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Did you just tell a God to shut the fuck up?” Jin grins, “Brave girl.”

“We have an order of business.” Namjoon rolls his eyes at Jin, “We need to talk.”

“We aren’t talking until you tell me how you got in my apartment! And what you fucking want!”

“He told you already,” Namjoon sighs, “We walked through the front door and we want to talk.”

“You walked through? Because you’re Gods? Right, like I’m supposed to believe that.” You huff out and Jin lights up with an idea.

“Here.” He’s suddenly handing you a knife. “Stab me.”

“What the fuck?” You hold the knife in your hand, where did he even get a knife so quickly? “I’m not going to stab you!”

“Just do it!”

“No!”

“Yeah, just do it.” Namjoon encourages you with a tired face.

“No!”

“Come on just a little stabby wabby.” Jin sings, “Come on!”

“Fine!” you stick the knife in Jin’s leg and he starts screaming in agony.

“What the hell!!!! Why would you really stab me?!?!? Oh MY GOD?!!!”

“YOU TOLD ME TO?!?!” you stand up in panic, rushing to his leg and seeing if it’s something serious.

“YOU MANIAC!!!! YOU REALLY STABBED—” then he’s laughing hysterically as Namjoon just claps his hands with an unimpressed face.

“Great performance Jin, but can we get to the point?”

“Performance?” you stutter, “You’re not hurt?”

“No, I’m a God. You think a little human knife can hurt me?”

“Wait, wait, wait! You really are okay? I stabbed you! Oh my god,” you start spiraling, “I stabbed someone.” You whisper. “Oh my god. Are you okay? I am so sorry!”

“Once again, we are God’s.” Namjoon states matter of fact. “Human weapons do not hurt us.”

Your eyes widen in complete shock, you look between the two men and start shaking your head—spiraling even further.

“God’s? God’s of what?” you breathe out. “This is…this is impossible.”

“God’s of time.” Jin snaps his fingers, “and do we have an offer for you.”

“W-What offer?” you plop down on your couch, your face has gone pale. What the hell is happening?

“Your soulmate, Park Jimin…” Namjoon begins. “Committed suicide last night.”

“And full offense girly, but it’s sort of your fault.” Jin chimes in. You feel your entire body go weak again.

“But we want to offer you something. We will roll back time by one month. Giving you the opportunity to make things right and save his life.”

“Turn back time?” you mumble, “That’s impossible.”

You watch as Jin rolls his eyes and with his pointer finger he’s making small circles.

“Turn back time?” You mumble, “That’s impossible.”

Suddenly you’re hit with Déjà vu. “Wait, didn’t I just say that?”

Jin grins and making small circles with his pointer finger again.

“Wait, didn’t I just say that?”

Your eyes go comically wide. “Woah. How did you do that?”

“God’s of Time, it’s literally our specialty.” Namjoon says.

“This girl really don’t listen.” Jin sits down on the couch next to you and you try scooting away.

“Okay…say you really can turn back time…why one month? And why are you giving me this chance?”

“One month because that’s how long it will take to change Jimin’s mind. And because…” Namjoon’s eyes slide to the side…”We were sort of pressured into this.”

“By who?”

Ding Dong

“Great, they’re here.” Jin whines, “I was hoping we would have more time with the human by ourselves.”

“Who’s here?” you start to panic, “Who pressured you?”

“Pressure? That’s not very nice to say.” You hear a new voice and it startles you. “Hi there.” You look up to see two new bodies in your living room. “We are—”

“Great, they’re going to sing.” Namjoon sighs. “On with it then.”

“Taehyung and Hoseok!” They say as melodically as possible, “God’s of Fate!” You swear you can see flowers and hearts and stars surround them.

“And we are not happy with you!” Taehyung dramatically pouts while pointing at you, “We have set up such a nice life for you but you always do the opposite. You really hurt our feelings.” Hoseok smiles a huge ass smile, ultimately confusing you further.

“God’s of fate?” you stand up and shake your head frantically. “What’s happening? What’s happening?”

“If you would have followed our path—the natural path—then you and Jimin would be happily together right now.” Taehyung lightly scolds you.

“But instead…” Hoseok begins, “You did the opposite of what we wanted and now look what happened.” He says with a smile still. “You messed with the natural order of things.”

“You’re saying it’s my fault? That Jimin is…”

“Didn’t I literally say it was your fault?” Jin questions and Namjoon swats his arm. “It’s okay though girly, we are offering you a chance to fix this. You can save his life.”

“He’s right y/n.” Namjoon walks closer to you, “You can save his life.”

You can save Jimin? How is this even possible? Suddenly, you hear faint knocking on your front door.

“Oh man. They’re here.” Taehyung looks towards the door.

“Well, we knew they would show up.”

“Who? Who?” you ask, clearly not ready for more guests.

“May I?” Hoseok gestures towards the door, asking if he can open it. You just shrug at this point.

Hoseok walks to the door and swings it open, revealing two more men.

“Oh if it isn’t mister sunshine and sunshine Junior.” The shorter man says under his breath as he walks past Hoseok and Taehyung. Another man following closely behind.

“We actually like those nicknames.” Taehyung says with a smile. “But yes, what are you doing here?”

“You know why we’re here.” The taller man smirks. “We have a soul we don’t intend on returning.”

“Who the fuck are you two?” you grit out, clearly tired of everyone at this point.

“Yoongi.” The shorter man states like he’s bored.

“And I’m Jungkook.”

“Okay? And?”

“Introduce yourselves properly you fools!” Jin yells out.

“Right right.” Yoongi nods his head subtlety, “God’s of Death.”

Your eyes widen in terror. God’s of Death? “So you kill people? Oh my god…you killed Jimin…”

“Okay, one… we don’t kill people.” Yoongi states and Jungkook jumps in.

“But we do like it when they die.” He says with big doe eyes and Yoongi’s expression changes like the realization has hit him.

“Yes,” he admits. “We do like that.”

“Actually we love it.” Jungkook pipes in again.

“Yes, we do love it.” Yoongi comments nonchalantly.

“And two… Jimin offed himself, we just wait to retrieve his soul.”

“His soul is all we’re interested in.” Jungkook chuckles darkly. “That’s all.”

“Oh? Is that all?” Taehyung mutters underneath his breath.

“Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on and why you all are in my apartment?”

“Damn girl, you really don’t listen.” Jin puts a hand on his hip.

Namjoon steps closer to you again and pats you on the back, urging you to take a seat.

“Taehyung and Hoseok are the God’s of fate, they want to bring you and Jimin together for your epic love or whatever…Jin and I may owe them a favor. So here we are, the God’s of Time…offering you a chance to turn back time and save Jimin’s life. But the God’s of Death over here…” he gestures towards Yoongi and Jungkook, Jungkook looks at you with a wink, “…don’t want that. They’re here to stop you so they can keep their soul like the soul hungry bastards they are.”

The other 5 men nod their heads in agreement as you look at each of them incredulously.

“And you expect me to believe this?” you wipe your sweaty palms on your pants and sigh out heavily, not believing a word.

“Should you stab me again?” Jin offers with a grin, showing you his little human knife you just stabbed him with earlier.

“What??” Jungkook slumps his shoulders, “Jin got stabbed and I missed it?” Jungkook frowns, “I always miss the good stuff…anyway, I vote you stab him again.”

“No!” you’re quick to yell out. “No more stabbing.”

Jungkook physically deflates once again, clearly disappointed.

“y/n…” Namjoon puts his hand on your shoulder, “Make your decision. Do you want to save Jimin or not?”

Of course you want to save Jimin…you don’t want someone you know dead, like come on. But what does it mean to save him?

“Follow our path.” Taehyung whispers to you, “The natural path.”

“You mean your predestined bullshit?” you spit out and Taehyung and Hoseok frown.

“It’s not bull…” then he whispers, “shit.”

“You can say cuss words sunshine junior.” Yoongi smirks, “come on, say ‘fuck’ just once.”

“No!” Taehyung whines

“Stop trying to make our Taehyungie do bad things!” Hoseok stands in front of Taehyung, defending him.

“I’ll say ‘fuck’.” Jungkook looks around the room raising his hand, offering his foul language.

“You already say it all the time, doesn’t count.” Yoongi rolls his eyes, “Get sunshine junior to say it though and I’ll give you 5 bucks.”

“Come on bro, say ‘fuck’ let me get 5 dollars.” Jungkook begs.

“Human money literally means nothing to us?” Jin questions.

“I still like to collect it.”

“Collecting souls isn’t enough?” Namjoon deadpans.

“I’m a collector, leave me alone.”

“More like a hoarder…” Yoongi cuts in, sighing out.

“Okay!” You stand, “Enough!”

“Finally, someone with some sense.” Namjoon says, “So are you taking us up on our offer? Going to save Jimin’s life?”

“Listen girly, take the offer. Be a hero. Because right now you’re technically the villain.” Jin says matter of fact, his hip poking out as his hand rests on it.

“Or live the life you want. It’s not your fault lover boy offed himself.” Yoongi walks closer to you. “He basically gave his soul for free.”

“You know Jimin was a good person…” Hoseok tells you, “You could feel it.”

You feel yourself grow guilty…this should be a no brainer right? You may not like the idea of soulmates but Jimin doesn’t deserve…this. He deserves to live.

“I’ll do it. I’ll make things right with Jimin, I’ll save his life.” Your firm voices echoes throughout the apartment and Jungkook scoffs.

“You think you can change his mind in a month? He’s set in stone, sweetheart.”

“One…gross, don’t call me sweetheart, and two, I can try.”

“Have fun trying with us by your side.” Yoongi states, a scowl taking over his face.

“She will have us buy her side as well.” Taehyung offers, “We will guide her every step of the way. You can rely on us, rely on fate.”

You roll your eyes, you don’t want any of these guys by your side.

“Is this your final decision?” Namjoon asks, he looks at you with a serious expression and you shudder.

“…Yes.”

“Did you hear that besties? Girl has made her final decision. Shall I do the honors?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. When you wake up y/n…it will be one month ago yesterday. Are you prepared for that?”

“Will I be aware?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’m ready.”

“Remember you have 30 days to make things right.” Namjoon reminds you and you nod your head.

“Okay, here we go!” Jin spins in circles and you all watch him …it’s lasting for several seconds too long, you grow confused. Jin keeps twirling around, doing little curtseys and now he’s doing the fucking robot…until Namjoon stands up.

“For heaven’s sake.” He uses his finger to spin in circles and things start fading to black, time slowly turning backwards.

May 21

It’s morning. You check your phone and it’s around 7am on Friday, May 21st. What the actual hell. It worked? You went back in time, right? This isn’t just some really incredible, elaborate prank right?

“If you’re thinking if this really happened…it did.” You hear Namjoon speak up from across your room.

“And if you’re thinking ‘wow these two super handsome guys really did that?’ we did.” Jin says hovering over you in bed. You can’t help but yelp, still surprised of their presence.

“Why are you guys here still?”

“Oh honey, it’s not just us.” Jin says matter of fact.

“It’s us too!” Hoseok says cheerily.

“Hoseok and Taehyung too?” you question slowly, your eyes scanning the room.

“Please,” Taehyung throws a hand over his heart, “Call us Hobi and Tae.”

“It’s just you four—”

“You really need to go grocery shopping.” Jungkook walks in the room with an apple in his hand, he brings it to his mouth and takes a crunchy bite.

“And as expected of the human world, the TV is trash.” Yoongi walks in after him, throwing your remote on your bed.

“Why the hell is everyone still here?” you yell out, grabbing at your hair. “I thought I was on a solo mission now!”

“Oh baby girl, it’s not just you anymore” Jungkook smirks, taking another obnoxious bite of his apple—your apple.

“Okay, if I didn’t want to be called sweetheart what makes you think baby girl is gonna pass?”

“I don’t know, thought I’d give it a shot.” He shrugs.

“Anyway,” you roll your eyes. “What do you mean it’s not just me?”

“You insist on saving Jimin’s life…we insist on keeping his soul. We have opposing goals here.” Yoongi explains, a bored expression drawn on his face. “We are going to make sure you are not successful. We can only interfere so much though.”

“And we,” Hobi cuts in, “Are here to make sure you are successful. You see, we are here to guide you on your little journey.”

“Think of us as your friends.” Tae grins at you.

“Yeah, I’d rather not.” You deadpan.

“And you two?” You point at Namjoon and Jin. “What is your purpose?”

“To make sure you don’t fuck up, to put it simply.” Jin states. “You do that a lo—Ow!” Namjoon hits Jin in the gut.

“What Jin is trying to say is, we are giving you a total of 3 mess ups. Once you strike through all 3, you’re on your own. We won’t manipulate time any more for a human like you.”

“A human like me?”

“I just mean, a human in general.” He clarifies and you relax.

“Can others see you?” You ask, quite curious. This whole thing is curious actually. You have 6 God’s chilling in your room right now and you are surprisingly chiller than you thought you’d be.

“They will…” Hobi’s eyes slide to the side. “Listen,” he sways on his feet. “We are going to be spending a lot of time together this next month so let’s all get along.” He smiles that big ass smile and you roll your eyes.

“Yes, let’s all get along!” Tae chirps, “Except maybe not with these two.” He points at Yoongi and Jungkook. Jungkook narrows his eyes at Tae and slumps his shoulders.

“I’m gonna get you to say ‘fuck’ sunshine junior, mark my words.”

“Not likely.” Tae narrows his own eyes before he’s spinning on his heels to face you again happily. “y/n.” he sings out, “Our new companion!” Hobi joins in on his song, they both start humming and whistling and suddenly Hobi is rapping. It’s all too much, really.

“Yo yo yo, Jin is in the house too—OW!”

“Anyway,” Namjoon brings a small book from his pocket. “There’s rules. Just a couple.”

“Rules?” you mumble, “What rules?”

“Rule number 1,” Jin starts, “You can’t tell Jimin you’re aware of his suicidal thoughts—this can just have more negative effects. Keep his little secret.”

“And rule number 2,” Namjoon closes the little notebook. “You can’t tell anyone about us.” He gestures towards all 6 of them. “You have to swear on this book.”

“What happens if either of those things happen?” You ask.

“Oh they won’t girl.” Jin shakes his finger at you. “Once you swear on a God’s book…you are bound to secrecy. You will literally not be able to talk about it. Your mouth will physically shut.”

“Jin’s right.” Hobi says, “That’s the law of the God’s promises.”

“And you are promising to us.” Tae adds in.

“That’s just the way it is.” Yoongi comments nonchalantly as he picks at his nails.

“Fine, fine. I get it. I’ll swear on the book.” You get up from bed and walk towards Namjoon, you eye his little notebook and then you look at him incredulously.

“Book of the God’s my ass! You can buy this exact notebook from the dollar store!”

“I like human objects too.” He mumbles shyly, “But it is property of the God’s so…are you going to sign it or not?”

“Do I…do I have to like sign with my blood or some—”

“—Yes.” Jungkook says.

“No, no. Stop that Jungkook,” Namjoon pulls out a pen from his pocket. “Just a regular pen. Also probably from the dollar store you speak of.”

“Okay, I got it…” you grab the pen from him and sign your name to the paper. The notebook starts shining a bright gold, almost blinding you. Then the glow fades and you see your signature in gold letters.

“It is done.” Namjoon says, nodding at the others.

“We are going to be with you as much as possible.” Taehyung smiles at you, “So please take care of us.” He bows his head towards you and you wave him off.

“You guys do realize I still have to work right?”

“Oh,” Namjoon’s eyes slide to the side, “We are prepared for that.”

“How are you prepared for—”

~~~~~

You sit in your little cubicle in complete and utter shock, your jaw literally on the floor.

“And this is our new team of writers, editors, and soundtrack producers. They’ll be working on a new game that is still under wraps.” Your boss gestures towards 6 men. The same fucking 6 men that were just in your apartment. Can you even call them just men? They are God’s!

“Please introduce yourself to the rest of the staff.”

“Right, I am Namjoon in charge of writing along with my partner Jin—”

“Jin is me, yes hi. Call me Worldwide—Hey!” Namjoon swats Jin’s stomach. But Jin recovers quickly, blowing a kiss around the office.

“I’m Tae.” Tae brightly waves at everyone, “In charge of editing scripts. Please take care of me.”

“And I’m Hobi, also in charge of editing! Let’s get along everyone!”

“Yo. Names Yoongi.” He quietly says, waving like a shy child.

“I am Jungkook, I am single and I—”

“They’re in charge of soundtrack production.” Namjoon cuts in. “Nice to meet you all.”

The office starts to quietly applaud, nodding their heads in approval as you sit here with your jaw on the floor. There is no way…absolutely no way this is happening.

“Ah, y/n!” Your boss calls out for you, he’s already walking to your desk. “Namjoon here says you all know each other, so I would like for you to help get them get settled in.” The group of 6 men follow behind him. You look at Namjoon like he is absolutely insane.

“Help them how?” you ask quietly. “Like, show them where the coffee maker is? Oh, look. Its right over there.” You point to the left of you. “You’re welcome.”

“Oh y/n! You’re so funny!” Jin slaps his knee, “I need help with some formatting on the first script I have…apparently you know a thing or two about that.” He grins at you and you roll your eyes.

“Don’t worry…” Hobi begins, his eyes looking around the office. “We won’t just rely on you for help around here…ah! There he is!” Hobi nudges Tae shoulder. “Jimin!” he begins waving the man over.

Jimin looks around the office as if he isn’t the only one with that name. He points at himself and mouths ‘me?’ Hobi and Tae smile widely and nod their heads in unison as they wave him over.

“Yes?” Jimin walks up to you all, his eyes on you…he feels himself grow nervous. “Can I help you?”

“Actually yes.” Tae starts, “Boss man here says you’re an editor just like us, maybe you can show us the ropes.”

“Ah.” Jimin slowly nods his head with his mouth slightly open. “I see.” Then he is nervously looking at you again. “Is that okay? For us all to be working together?” he looks at you while asking this and you scoff.

“I don’t control your life Jimin, do what you want.” You spit out and Jin hits your arm.

“What she means to say is, yes of course we can all work together!” he sings.

You release a long breath, remembering you are on a mission. You muster the fakest smile you can and make eye contact with Jimin.

“Yes, that’s what I meant.” You continue to grin and Jimin scrunches his brows as he slowly nods his head again.

“O...kay…”

Hobi jumps in excitement and repeatedly hits Tae’s arm, like he just got an amazing idea.

“Why don’t we all go out tonight to celebrate?”

“What are we celebrating?” you deadpan but Jin hits your arm again and leans down to whisper in your ear.

“Remember…fate is guiding you. Do as they say.” He says through a tight lip smile.

“Yeah…” you find the energy to say, “Sounds fun…let’s do that.”

You hate this. You are only barely talking to Jimin but you can feel the pull intensify with every word you say to him and every word he speaks to you goes straight to your heart and your fucking vagina.

To call Jimin attractive is an understatement. He is beyond that…he is beyond handsome, beyond cute, beyond gorgeous and beyond sexy. He has a charming way about him, his sharp jawline, his smile with those full, full lips, his eyes. He is effortlessly beautiful…and it drives you absolutely insane.

You remember the first time you saw Jimin…love at first sight? Also an understatement.

He was blonde then. His hair swept across his forehead, you would almost think that was his natural color because it looked that god damn good on him. Now his hair is black and holy hell, it is also his color. But you might think any color is.

“Celebrate how?” Jimin speaks up, his eyes going to Hobi.

“Drinks!” Tae chimes in, “But only one because we all have to work in the morning.” He chuckles and the rest of the boys join in.

“I don’t believe in hangovers.” Jungkook says with his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk gracing his features.

“You literally had one like 3 days ago.” Yoongi comments, “You also said ‘I’m never drinking again’”

“That was a different Jungkook.” Jungkook snaps his fingers, “I’ve matured since then.”

“Yeah, right.” You laugh. “Also you guys realize tomorrow is Saturday…”

You actually laugh and the 7 boys snap their heads towards you and smile. All but Jimin…and kind of Yoongi.

“What?”

“You can laugh!!!” Jin takes your hand and high fives himself with it. “Amazing.”

“And you laughed because of me!” Jungkook cheers. “God, I knew I was fucking hilarious.”

“Chill out, kid.” Yoongi shakes his head.

“Anyway,” you clear your throat. “There’s a bar in the building next to us. We can meet at 7.”

“Actually let’s meet right after work, we can all walk together.” Hobi looks at you knowingly and you roll your eyes.

“Right. Okay, after work then.”

“Sure…” Jimin says slowly, “I will meet you guys here then.” Then he’s taking one last look at you before walking away back to his side of the office.

“Are you guys fucking insane?!” You whisper shout towards the 6 gods. “You work here now?!”

“We have to keep an eye on you and make sure everything goes smoothly…” Tae pouts, he messes with his neck tie nervously. “I even bought these cool human clothes…I thought maybe you would notice.”

“Yeah, yeah. You look nice.” You gesture towards his body and you swear you can see puppy dog ears and tail wagging behind him from how happy he is.

“What about me? What about me?” Jin motions towards his own body as he winks at you.

“You? Fine you look nice too.”

Jungkook slowly walks in the middle of your circle and shows off his outfit to all of you, spinning in a few circles.

“And me baby girl?”

“Call me baby girl one more time and I swear I will kick—”

“Jeez, no need to be aggressive!” Jungkook puts his hands up in surrender. “I’ll take the L for now.”

“Namjoon, please say something as the only person here who is sane.” You turn to face Namjoon and he is looking down at his own outfit.

“Human clothes are so boring.” Is all he says.

You can’t help but groan…then you feel it. Eyes on you. Not just any eyes. His eyes. You follow the feeling until your eyes meet his, he immediately looks away and you feel a sense of guilt. Jimin is going to kill himself? And it’s supposedly your fault? Can you fix this? Can you change his mind? Can you save his life? Can you?

~~~~~

The bar is quiet, well it is only like 5pm. But you assume in the coming hours it will be booming thanks to it being a Friday night. You are seated between Tae and Hobi as they fill your mind with thoughts of Jimin while he is in the bathroom.

“Can’t you just feel how badly he wants to sit next to you? His jealousy that you’re between us?” Tae giggles. “I can’t technically feel his yearning like you can but dudes, it’s so obvious.”

“I get it, I get it.” You groan, “So what’s the plan?”

“Oh that? You are going to ask Jimin out on a date.”

“A d-date?!” you feel the heat rush to your cheeks, “Isn’t that a bit much?”

“Not at all…” Hobi takes a sip of his beer with a fucking straw. “Trust us.”

You’re really about to trust mister sunshine and sunshine junior? They are drinking their beers with straws. Fucking straws.

“ You don’t owe Jimin anything.” You hear Yoongi’s voice from behind you. “You don’t want to be here y/n. Why are you forcing yourself?”

“She just wanted to hang with me.” Jungkook nudges Tae out of his barstool seat and takes it.

“Heeeey…” Tae pouts as he is left standing, watching Jungkook take his chair. “I was sitting there.”

“Say ‘fuck’ and I’ll give it back.”

“You’re mean.”

“Anyway,” you cut them off before they can continue, “Why do you want his soul so bad? Aren’t there more souls out there?”

Yoongi for the first time curls his lips upwards and smirks at you.

“Jimin is a pure soul. It’s worth more. And he gave it for free, his own will. That much more worth it.”

“Pure soul?” You raise a brow, is Jimin really that perfect? You can’t help but scoff.

“He’s a really good person, y/n.” Hobi says softly, “You know you can feel that.”

He’s right. When you first met him and you had that instant recognition, you could feel just how good he is. It hurt even more, considering how things went…

“I have shots!!!!” Jin comes up to you 5 with a tray of shots, “As the kids say, I am trying to get lit!”

“Barely anyone says that anymore dude.” Jungkook frowns, “Which is unfortunate because it… was…lit...”

“Where’s Jimin?” Namjoon asks, grabbing a shot from the tray, he takes a sniff and fake gags.

“Jesus Christ, I told you anything but Tequila, Jin.”

“He’s in the bathroom…” you say, your head falling in your hand on the bar top. You stare at all the bottles on the shelves and wish you could drown yourself in each one.

“I’m back.” Jimin says from beside you and Jungkook.

It looks like he washed his face with cool water, his bangs slightly wet. He’s nervous, you can quite literally feel it…that’s how intense it is.

“Jimin…” you say his name and it sounds and feels so weird on your tongue, his head whips in your direction with wide eyes and he tilts his head to the side.

“Yes?”

You two lock eyes, his gaze is intense. You can’t help but feel like you’re falling for some sort of spell as you stare at him. The pull between you two only grows…you find yourself leaning in closer to his direction before you’re shaking your head, clearing your throat and looking towards the other boys.

“Uh, there’s shots.” You point at the tray Jin is holding. “Let’s hurry up and take them.”

~

A few hours pass and your group is collectively drunk. Jimin seems to be the only somewhat sober one. Even Yoongi is shimmying to whatever song is playing! You look at Namjoon who is smiling at Jin as they talk to one another and you wave them over.

“I thought human things didn’t effect God’s? Why are you all so drunk?” you laugh, slurring your words.

“Alcohol is alcohol baybey!” Jin throws an arm around your neck as he continues to dance.

“Jin is right.” Namjoon points at him, “Alcohol is the same for us.”

You only nod in response as you eye the bar, Hobi and Tae are dancing with Jimin and he actually looks like he is enjoying himself. You stand from your stool and walk to the dance floor and join them, surprising Jimin.

“Came to hang out with the fun go—guys?!” Hobi moves his body expertly as he speaks.

“Just came to talk to Jimin…” you admit shyly and Hobi and Tae nod in understanding with their eyes wide.

“Good idea.” Tae yells out, “We will keep Yoongi and Jungkook distracted.”

“Thanks…”

“You want to talk to me?” Jimin says over the music, “Me?” he points at himself and you chuckle.

“Yes, you.” You reach down to grab his hand and fuck. You feel like you are being shot with electricity. “Uh,” you quickly drop his hand and gesture for him to follow you. “Come on.”

You and Jimin walk outside the bar, the night is a little chilly, even for May.

“What’s up?” Jimin asks nervously, he sways back and forth on his heels and you can feel his anxiety and it’s making you nauseas.

“Go on a date with me.” You blurt out.

Jimin is silent. His eyes harden as he stares at you and he breathes out roughly.

“You’re drunk.” He states.

“Don’t be difficult.” You begin, “Go on a date with—”

“No.”

“No?”

“You think I can’t feel it?” he asks quietly. “How much you…hate me…?”

You automatically get hit with a wave of guilt. He releases a few shaky breaths and continues. “You are forcing yourself…I don’t want to make you more uncomfortable around me.” He gives you a sad, soft smile and turns around to head back inside, leaving you out in the chilly May air.

~

“I thought you guys were fucking gods? I did what you told me and he fucking rejected me?!” you slur out angrily. Tae and Hobi exchange awkward glances before smiling for you.

“You have to put a lot of effort. Remember…you are working hard to change his whole mind. It isn’t going to be easy y/n. Even with us helping. We lead you on the right path but ultimately you humans do have free will.” Hobi says quietly, he looks around the bar to make sure no one can hear.

“And like Jungkook said…at this moment, Jimin is set in stone. It’s going to take some convincing.” Tae finishes. He messes with his neck tie some more before he is loosening it all the way. “And you better hurry to talk to him because he is with Yoongi and Jungkook. Who knows what nonsense they are feeding him!”

You look over your shoulder and Tae is right, Yoongi and Jungkook both have an arm draped over Jimin’s shoulders and chatting away. They both have sly smiles as Jimin nods his head in drunken concentration.

“Help me get rid of them…” you roll your eyes as you begin walking towards the God’s of death and their meal.

“You got it!” Hobi yells out brightly. “Let’s go TaeTae.” He grabs on to Tae’s arm and drags him towards the death gods. You follow closely behind eyeing Jimin carefully.

It’s a lovely spring day, the flowers are in bloom and the sky is blue with splashes of pink now that the sun is beginning to set. You finally found your dream job that you start in 2 weeks and an affordable apartment. It’s not thaaat much nicer than your previous place but still, an upgrade nonetheless.

Today you woke up feeling…different. Fuller, more whole. Something completely unexplainable. Once you stepped outside even the world looked more beautiful, colorful, vibrant. Your chest is warm and buzzing and you can’t help but fall in love with the feeling. What is going on?

You walk the streets in your restless city and you feel it. The pull. The pull is practically dragging you around without you totally realizing. You just walk the streets in a daze, the pull becomes more and more intense the closer you get to the main park downtown. You realize you don’t visit this park often which is such a shame because it is beautiful.

You stroll around, feeling yourself being pulled closer and closer to this gigantic tree in the center and then you feel your insides burst. Your eyes land on a figure, you can only see his back but you just know. He must feel it too because he is quickly turning his body around and facing you. His eyes find yours immediately and holy fuck.

You know him. As soon as your eyes meet you feel like you fucking know him. You feel yourself being drawn to him like there is spell you are both under. You don’t stop your feet from moving as you walk closer and closer. He only stares at you with wide eyes until his thick lips curve up into the most beautiful smile you have ever seen. Little did you know, this would be the only time you will see him smile like this.

Love at first sight? He is the most gorgeous human being you have ever had the pleasure of your eyes landing on. His blond hair swept over his forehead, his piercing eyes, his full lips, his entire figure. His beautiful, beautiful smile. He has charmed you. And it doesn’t help that you feel that instant attraction. That recognition and the intense, intense burst of love you feel.

But it is not your love that you are feeling. It is his. Because you feeling love for a someone you don’t actually know is impossible…that this is just some forced, predestined façade. And you are hit with the reality and the truth. You feel your insides turn from a gooey mess to hard. You feel yourself grow angry, you feel hatred grow within you and it must be intense because Jimin must feel it too. The way his smile drops and how his face goes pale. He takes a hesitant step away from you and looks at you with so much question. He feels how you loathe him.

You continue to look at Jimin as you walk closer and closer to him in the bar, Tae and Hobi pulling Yoongi and Jungkook off his body as you make your way over. Even walking closer and closer to him you feel all of your confusing feelings. You hate him yet you are drawn to him.

“Jimin.” You say his name, it comes out rough and breathless and he pinches his brows together.

“Yes?” he asks softly, he walks closer to you as well. “Is everything okay y/n?”

You swallow down your pride as you stare into his eyes. They look sad…empty even.

“Date…” you murmur. Jimin’s sad, empty eyes flash with a sliver a hope before they turn dark again.

“Why?” he finally asks…he walks just a bit closer to you and you step back, feeling suffocated. If he gets any closer you…

“I want to make things right.” You admit between a few breaths, “I want to get to know you.”

You aren’t lying, you do want to make things right. He doesn’t necessarily know what you mean but that’s okay. “I haven’t been the nicest to you but I want to change that.” You mumble.

“You want to know me?” he gulps, “You want to…spend time with me?” you can feel how nervous he is and you can’t help but chuckle just a bit.

“Coffee? We can start there.” You say, feeling your own nerves spiking. Who knew talking to your fucking soulmate could be this hard.

Jimin bites down on his thick bottom lip, his cheeks warming up as they turn a lovely shade of pink.

“Okay….” He says, trying to hide his growing smile “Coffee.”