#suicidal rant

[jackkyb00]

(TW for the fact this is a suicidal rant!!)

Y’all ever have that one friend you love a lot and their separate friend group likes to involve you just to make sure you feel worthless and don’t deserve to live? I was messing around with his boyfriend because his boyfriend always lets me joke around weirdly and meanwhile my friend never commented on it. But he yaps about the stuff to his other friend group apparently and got friended like 5-6 times on discord just to be told to kill myself for something I said that I get allowed to. I really want to so.. I guess thanks for making the thoughts worse?? Sorry to rant about this but its feels safe to do it on tumblr since I don’t have many people I can talk to about this except my friend viper (aka poisonousnoodles) and my bf :(

[vexy-hexy]

Not to be all "ugh, my parents don't understand me 😡😡😡" emo teen (especially since I'm 21), but they really don't

IDK if it's my autism or something, but if I can't achieve my dream job, I would probably kill myself LOL

Like, I'm already struggling with the thought of living past 35, so thinking about how I may have to work a job I hate for years sounds like the straw that will break the camels back

[xoxohannas-world]

girls dealing with academia and an ed, i see you and i love you

its going to be ok <3

[virginsuicidgirl]

i’d rather be dead than be fat

[angelicsweetheartsposts]

Is it bad that I crave more?

[scarscaarr]

i just wanna be perfect

[cherries-in-wine]

𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒔 ‧₊ ☁️⋅♡ ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

People call Vladimir Nabokov a disgusting creep for writing from the perspective of a pedophile when in reality if you read the book, Humbert Humbert is not likeable in the slightest. He's an unreliable narrator that's so stuck in his own delusions that he can't see how miserable dolores is because of him. Nabokov is an incredible writer and lolita is really well written- it's dreamy and poetic because that's what Humbert Humbert wants you to see but occasionally the mask slips and the horrifying reality of the situation peaks through, it's your responsibility as the reader to read in between the lines to see the story for what it is- not a romance. It's a great satire in the sense that it's pathetic to see Humbert Humbert think he's oh so charming and these "nymphets" are oh so in love with him. Dolores' trauma is obvious to any competent reader, I don't know how people are so charmed by Humbert Humbert that they can't see how dolores' defiance which he refers to as "teenage rebellion" or "tantrums" is a very apparent cry for help. Lolita is a Gothic horror, a cautionary tale. It's a genius work of art and what's most horrific about it lies in the aftermath of its release, how it's so normalised to sexualise little girls that blatant pedophilia is interpreted as a tragic love story. Nabokov himself referred to dolores as his "poor little girl". He had a lot of empathy for her and it is so heartbreaking to see her being portrayed as this temptress when in reality she is a 12 year old tomboy who likes comics and playing in the dirt. Catherine Demongeot (image on the left) is what Nabokov imagined lolita to look like while on the right is how lolita is perceived by the media. The images speak for themselves.

When I first read the virgin suicides I thought it was a great work of satire. I adore the Lisbon girls with all my heart, I see a part of myself in all of them by varying degrees. The boys who claimed they loved these girls, only saw them as some fantasy. Even in death they never truly respected any of them. How when they found Cecelia's diary, instead of trying to make sense of why she killed herself, they selfishly searched for their own names. I loved the irony of the boys claiming that they loved these girls when they didn't know anything about them. It showed how shallow and surface level their “love” was. I thought the author, Jeffery Eugenides really understood me because as a girl it feels as though you’re only loved if you’re sexualised and how much sympathy you deserve is dependent on how attractive you are, as if that’s the only value you have to offer. But in reality he didn't mean any of the things the boys did to be interpreted as satire. According to him, peaking through windows, stealing used tampons, joking about groping dead girls, these grown men still picturing those little girls years later while they had sex with their wives etc was supposed to show that teenage boys are not disgusting horny dogs, but romantic softies (if anything this made me think teenage boys are much more repulsive than i thought). According to Eugenides the book is satire, but in the sense that you never know what was going through a person's head when they committed suicide and you can't make sense of it no matter how hard you try. Everything about how the boys viewed the girls was not satire and was to be taken at face value. This really broke my heart, an author who I thought really did get me and understood me, ended up making me feel watched instead of seen. I guess this is where "death of the author" comes into play. La mort de l'auteur is a 1967 essay by Roland Barthes that basically argues that instead of only viewing a work of art through the artist's eyes and keeping only their intent in mind, the viewer can interpret the art through their own eyes regardless of what the artist originally intended. I want to, I really do but I can't help but feel that intention matters and no matter how hard I try to separate the art from the artist I simply cannot.

It's so fascinating to me how Lolita which is supposed to be from the perspective of an unreliable narrator was taken at face value and the virgin suicides which was to be taken at face value was perceived as satire.

The same irony can also be seen in the movies. The director of Lolita didn't get her at all, even he thought she was some kind of a seductress instead of a child that was raped and abused repeatedly by a man that was supposed to be a father figure while the virgin suicides movie was so much better than the book, Sofia Coppola, the director, understood the Lisbon girls so well and she did them justice.

[quiescentem-puella]

Till's expressing himself through clothing – a rant

today's sad alnst thought of the day is that no matter how you view round 6, I think it's undeniable that ivan was able to give back to till a piece of himself that he lost after witnessing round 5

and i'm talking about this

I think Till outfits are important when it comes to discerning his mental state/attitude, both because of plot-related reasons (imo Till has a degree of power over deciding or at least selecting his clothes) and also character design (in a media like alnst, where most things are said by showing them, it's clear that vivimeng put lots of thought behind the visuals). We know nothing about the behind-the-scenes between r6 and r7, so we can just LOOK at Till to see if something changed

I said that Till has some power over his outfit choices because he's the only one who personalizes them, or so it looks like. It's very much in Till's rebellious nature to vandalize his outfits and I think both the r2 outfit (the spray-painted t-shirt, the patch hiding his branding, the lack of shoes) and the scene we see in the top 3 video (with graffiti all over the room and paint all over him) are proof of that. He's always shown drawing and doodling, so i think it's a fair assumption that when we see that on his clothing, it's his handiwork.

And that... disappears in round 6. Whether we look at his outfit in the actual round or when he's entertaining segyeins, he's dressed in muted, dark clothing. Very put together for his previous standards, almost elegant with his delicate, silver accessories (thin chains and tasteful earrings)

Gone is the asymmetry and the rage. Till is mourning and so he dresses for a funeral... either for Mizi (who's gone and presumed(?) dead) or for himself (without Mizi, he has no reason to keep going. he entered alien stage and stayed in anakt for her). Whether he 1) chose his outfits before and let the aliens take over in his grief or 2) fought the aliens on previous outfits to personalize them and stopped after r5, i think in both cases his clothes show how much he has given up

and then we have round 7

First of all, the color is back. Acid green and white pants. The tech gear too, in place of delicate chains. The hair is slicked back, similar to the scene out of stage in r6, but it doesn't feel as tamed

and i apologize in advance for the frame i'm about to use to prove this point (only scene we see till full figure in r7) but

THE SPRAY PAINTING CAME BACK!! on the pants!! Personally I think both the red and the two stripes are Till's addition, you could argue that the blood isn't bc it's just the pants done like this but it looks handmade to me, splotchy. Very likely to be Till's hand.

So going back to my initial point: something has changed between r6 and r7. In r7, Till FIGHTS with everything he has. He doesn't let Luka speak over him, he tries his best. He falters, but he enters the stage with a spark, a determination that was notably absent in r6

I think it's significant that we get this in Mizi's pov

because Mizi RECOGNIZES Till. Not in the sense that she didn't know it was him, but in the sense that it's the Till she knew from anakt: wild, rebellious, hateful towards the system. He's raging and screaming, putting on a wild performance.

And Ivan's sacrifice is what gets him like this. It allowed him to live, of course, but if we read deeper there's also something else. In r6, it's the first time we see Ivan openly defying the segyeins. It's pretty obvious that he didn't have the love Mizi had for them and he disobeyed multiple times (running away with Till is the prime example), but he put on a façade all the time. I would say it's exactly what allows him to get away with so much: he's so well-behaved that no one suspects him. He has no leash because, in the segyeins' eyes, he never tried to escape (and he never will, bc just like Till will choose to go back to Mizi every time, Ivan will stay for Till as well).

The only times we see him rebelling is: 1) the scene on the rooftop when he was still in the slums; 2) in r6, when he defies all expectations and "cheats" so that Till wins

Ivan fell in love with Till after seeing how defiant he was. And Till regains his spark, his will to rebel, after Ivan's sacrifice, when he chooses to publicly go against the aliens for the first time since he was a child.

i've seen a lot of talk about how Ivan was Till's downfall: because Till cared much more than Ivan thought, because Luka used that moment with Ivan (and not Mizi) to bring him down. It's all true and very tragic, but I think it's really important to note something else too

Till was able to be himself again (even if just for the span of a single song) because of what Ivan did. Ivan's act of love wasn't wasted.

[uncanny-tranny]

I've talked before about how the way people treat suicide can be unintentionally devastating to the suicidal person, but I don't think I really ever said how to avoid that.

Speaking about suicide in how selfish it "is" ("think about how you'll transfer your pain to your loved ones!") might seem like a way to put logical sense into the suicidal person, but, honestly? It runs the risk of massively increasing their shame and guilt about being suicidal. Suicide is not inherently a revenge fantasy or a way to "get back" at someone's loved ones, so when the suicidal person is treated like a criminal of a "crime" they haven't even committed yet, you can imagine how unhelpful that can become.

Instead, if you want to point out how cherished your person is, frame their relationships as something they can keep fostering.

"Your cat will miss you :(!!!!" becomes "you and your cat seem close, right? I'm sure it's beautiful having a close friend like that!" and maybe include ways that they and their cat are close and meaningful to each other, tailored to that relationship.

That's only one example, but when you shift the focus away from why that person should repent and feel guilty for being suicidal, you can instead focus on why they would live for that reason. See how you can frame that as a positive? Whatever is keeping that person tethered should never be used as a bludgeon, I think, because then you're taking away why they're living, the positivity of why they are here. Whatever they are here for should be remembered often and honoured.

[jude-us]

Today I’m think about how harmful and deliberate the invisibity of trans men and mascs is. In pretending we don’t exist and have never existed we are denied a community and a history. Young trans boys grow up thinking they’re completely alone contributing to the insanely high rates of suicide we have. (A study by the American Academy of Pediatrics showed that more then half of trans male teenagers have attempted suicide. Link)

Older trans men are denied healthcare especially “woman’s healthcare.” that they need and even though we have higher rates of assault then cis men and woman we are denied recourses for safety and recovery. Link

It’s so harmful and exhausting to watch this invisibility even happen in our own communities.

[misaswif3]

i think i just have to come to terms with the fact that i actually have nobody. i have close friends but they’re enjoying their lives and i don’t want to ruin that. i’m in a big city all by myself hundreds of miles away from home and nobody here would ever notice if i was gone. the whole reason im here is for art and i can’t even fucking do that all i do is spend all my free time in my room watching tv and i want to reach out to my best friend so bad but she’s living her own life and i don’t want to ruin that. i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore i don’t want to exist. i just want it all to stop. i wish i was never born

[rockettequeen]

hot girls feel like everyone is mad at them rn

[floweypilled]

Chara: I dont know why you keep me around . Id be better use to you dead

Asriel: NO YOU WOULDNT! First of all youre the only kid down here who knows how pokemon cards work

[anghraine]

i just finished rereading lotr for the first time since i was nine and like i knew the movies did the whole steward's house dirty but The Movies Did The Whole Steward's House So Goddamn Dirty. i know this is not a revelation to you but i had to get it off my chest to someone who understands

I know it took me awhile to respond BUT NOT OUT OF DISAGREEMENT. They really, really did, and so many people are so insistent on Peter Jackson as the One True Arbiter of Tolkien's Vision that the shitty film interpretations of the House of Húrin are also completely inescapable.

I really do feel that there are understandable concessions to the medium and limitations of time etc and then there's whatever the hell that was. The point where Gandalf is calling them "lesser men" and using "steward" as a term of contempt (???????) and clobbering Denethor over the head where the devoutly Catholic Tolkien handled Denethor's despair and suicide with far more sympathy and care ... it's just so bad and there's nothing about film as a medium that requires it to be.

They had limited screen time, sure, and Faramir and Boromir and Denethor are not the most central characters, true—but there's also so much screen time wasted on indulgent bullshit like the skulls cascade and Frodo sending Sam away and so on. I don't remotely buy the justification that handling them so badly was somehow unavoidable and couldn't possibly have been done better for some reason.

I dislike certain choices made with Boromir, though there are some good points as well—there's a lack of subtlety in the foreshadowing that feels a bit like being repeatedly clubbed over the head rather than organically developing over time, but he does have some good moments as well that feel very Boromir. Movie Faramir, meanwhile, is so fundamentally dissimilar from Tolkien's in both TTT and ROTK that I feel he might as well be an OC, and one I don't find interesting or likable. I've always been deeply unconvinced by the justifications of the films' approach to him as the only workable one for the character. But then when you add to that the films' treatment of Denethor and the IMO completely unjustifiable handling of something as weighty as suicide, it just feels like there's a contempt for this family and their people built into the films' narrative that is hard to escape, either while watching it or in Tolkien fandom for the last 20 years.

[es0tericdoll]

I need to be skin and bones

[crismakesstuff]

I’m really sick and tired of seeing people reduce nolan down to:

1. He’s actually hitler, he’s a racist and sexist and hates every minority + viltrum is magakkk /srs

2. He’s an UwU wife guy babygirl guys!! He said he misses his wife so this clears him of all bad he’s done !!

All of you are wrong and I’m taking him away from everyone until y’all learn how to do media literacy correctly, you people treat nolan the way you should fucking treat homelander the actual canon racist and sexist pig! some of you r even deluded enough to think they would be homeboys ! NO