#sugar time for my meat stick

[genderqueerdykes]

had the consult for my gallbladder surgery. the doctor told me i need to "lose 10 - 15 pounds" before they'll perform the surgery on me, and that I would need to wait 2 - 3 months before they would schedule it. i told her i have PCOS which makes it difficult to lose weight. she told me that does happen, and offered to refer me to a bariatric surgeon who is used to bigger bodies who could perform the gallbladder removal instead. i asked her for the referral to them instead

i was very angry at her for this, as 10 - 15 pounds do not make any difference when you are 300 lbs. my weight fluctuates between 280 - 340 lbs depending greatly on what i've eaten, how much i exercise, and so on. this will also vary greatly depending on if the stone is blocking my gallbladder completely or partially- if it's fully blocking the neck of my gallbladder, i cannot get enough digestive juices into my stomach to properly digest my food, so i will begin violently vomiting to get the undigested food out, and to get bile flowing into my stomach again. i begin to lose tons of weight when this happens, and i put it back on during the periods where i can get enough bile in my stomach to properly digest my food.

i can't digest my food properly. eating "healthier" will not change this- i can't digest food at all, period. healthy or unhealthy, i can't digest anything, because a good half of my digestive juices are completely missing from my guts. there is a functional issue with the way my guts work, of course i will lose weight drastically and put it back on at times. of course the issues will be episodic.

both her and the student that was working with me kept assuming that i said that my pain got worse after "high fat" meals. both of them put this in my mouth-

the student did it first. she asked when the pain gets worse and i said sporadically, but sometimes after i eat. she literally asked me "so you said it gets worse after fatty meals, right?"

i got frustrated and said "no, it's really random." i didn't get to tell her that raw leafy vegetables and lightly steamed or cooked vegetables make me vomit. broccoli and cauliflower that aren't heavily cooked, salads, raw vegetables, lightly cooked carrots, applesauce and apples in general are all problem foods.

the doctor then came in and said "it gets worse after high fat meals, right? you said that" and i went, again, "no it just kinda happens."

i don't even eat a high fat diet. i cook at home now for every meal now that i have all the tools i need to do so. i make rice, fish, pasta, and certain vegetables that i can digest like potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, mushrooms, and so on. i eat bread, seeds, nuts, dried fruits, and drink oatmilk. i don't eat land meats, eggs, or dairy. i don't have any of those things. i do eat french fries and fish sticks, but not for every single meal. i don't eat chips because they're too salty and irritate my stomach. i don't eat candy or sweets unless the food bank delivers them to me. i don't eat much sugar other than pancakes and certain fruits

she wouldn't listen to me and went "well when you eat fatty meals, your gallbladder has to contract more and it can cause you a lot of pain." you would not believe how many times she came back to "you need to eat a lower fat diet." "the pain gets worse after you eat a high fat meal, so eat lower fat meals and your pain will go down." "just eat a lower fat diet and it'll help."

i just kind of sighed. there were tears in my eyes. i felt defeated. they made a bunch of assumptions just because i was sitting there, being fat. i was wearing long sleeves due to it being cold and they didn't get to see that i have a lot of muscle in my body mass. quite a lot. i wanted to tell them that i'm on testosterone and physically active when and where possible, and that i frequently lift heavy objects and move, but i never got a chance. i wanted to tell them my BMI isn't what they think it is, but i just didn't bother to try

i despise that people assume that fat people are fat because they eat "unhealthy" foods. i ate high fat foods for a few months while i was homeless because i didn't have the resources to cook every single meal. it affected my liver, i'm dealing with some fatty liver. but my gallbladder has more important issues in the form of the literal stone inside. she would not stop pushing for me to eat lower fat meals. all because i was sitting there, existing, as a fat person. i wish i would've told her i can only eat fish and plant matter

i don't understand how a patient telling you they're vomiting and can't keep down certain foods does not sound like a more pressing issue than an arbitrary number. weight as a number means nothing, it tells you nothing about that person's actual body composition. i have trauma with vomiting and yet i'm going to have to keep doing it anyway despite the fact that it could kill me via dehydration or if i just. can't stop

either way i'm very unhappy with result as i already waited for a month for this consult. now i have to wait for a referral for another surgeon to go through, and to do the consult with them, too. all while being in pain and having GI issues the entire time. just because a surgeon doesn't want to take the time to learn how to operate on fat bodies. i'm tired. what a joke

[requinoesis]

I know this is a weird question, but what exactly do the bigger sharks eat in your world? I know Rocky is a Great Hammerhead and they (as a species) are known to be other shark eaters, so is there like an alternative meat that they eat, or do they just stick to stingrays and bony fish?

That's a curious question, and I was quite inspired when I thought about how to answer it!✨

In the past, they used to hunt wild fish, but with the advent of the modern age, they stopped fishing and adapted entirely to the practice of pisciculture. 🐟✨

In a hypothetical future on this Earth, fish are incredibly larger and more abundant. Some have been domesticated, just as we humans used to do, and are treated with deep respect.

In order not to cover too much, I've focused only on the fish that have been domesticated for consumption in the region where my main characters live, called 'Aguazu'.🏝️✨

They are the descendants of species we know, such as Arapaima, Tuna, Tilapia, Sardines, Anchovies, Salmon, Cod, Octopus, Squid, Crab and Shrimp.

These are some of the typical dishes of the Aguazu region, most of which are variations on recipes handed down from the ancient human presence that marked this region a thousand years ago. Lots of seafood-based dishes with a spicy touch! 🌶️✨

Some of these dishes were inspired by real recipes from my country such as: Casquinha de Siri, Tuna Poke, Vatapá, Bobó de Camarão, Moqueca de Peixe, Octopus Rice, Acarajé, Cod Baked in Olive Oil, Cod Croquettes and the sweet dessert called Manjar, which is a coconut pudding with plum syrup!

Things like corn, wheat and other fruits, vegetables and animals domesticated by humans disappeared millions of years ago. So I wondered what other options they could find to use as the main ingredients.

Algae Flour, Palm Oil, Palm Butter, Coconut Milk, Palm Sugar, Domesticated Snake Eggs, Sea Salt. In the Santa Maré region, palm is widely used as the main ingredient, while other regions may prefer ingredients based on algae, for example.

Some domesticated fruits and vegetables are only used to season and enhance the flavor of dishes, but they don't make much difference to their bodies.

There was a time in the past when small and medium-sized sharks feared 'Niuhi', the name for large sharks that could devour smaller sharks such as the great white shark, great hammerhead shark, tiger shark and others.

However, this fear was unjustified, as when a smaller shark fell victim to a wild predator, the Niuhi were the first to be suspected. Fortunately, this has changed over time, although some small displays of prejudice still persist.

They eat several meals a day, and food is plentiful in this civilization, so the great sharks wouldn't need to devour their friends to satisfy their hunger, hehe.

And speaking of Roberto, my big hammerhead shark, if he gets really hungry, a Tuna Poke is enough to make him very happy and satiated! 🍣✨

[alyszuha]

what the bsd charcters would get at the gas station (as a gas station employee)

a/n: i wrote this while bored at work a few months ago in my notes app, and thought it would be funny to share. nikolai's is def my favorite. enjoy.

dazai - just black coffee like a few times a day. he would talk to the clerks and is friendly to the point where he gets free coffees. flirts with the young women working but we cant tell if he is actually or not because he’s just hard to read. i can’t tell if he smokes or not but if he did he would get marlboro black 100’s.

atsushi - white cherry gatorade and some chips. very average customer. might eventually become friendly with the workers but hes a bit shy, and is surprised when the workers ask him how he’s doing.

kyoka - snack cakes. doesnt talk at all other than saying thank you. sometimes comes in with atsushi.

kunikida - coffee as well. very respectful and if he likes it will become a regular and add it to his schedule. everyone likes him. will occasionally rant about a coworker that annoys the fuck out of him (hm i wonder who).

ranpo - a fuck ton of candy and soda. like takes several trips back and fourth with handfuls of random ass snacks. he’s annoying as fuck about it too.

akutagawa - water. probably goes to the self checkout too, just does not wanna talk to anyone.

chuuya - premium gas and occasionally cigarettes. he’d get some odd type too like winstons or very specific marlboros. he doesn’t talk much unless the worker talks to him. but me and my younger female coworkers would definitely gush over him when he first starts coming.

hirotsu - he would get some old people shit like tourneys or parliaments and say “in a box”. but is patient when the workers take a second to look for them because literally no one gets them.

oda - marlboro black 100’s (which would have inspired dazai's choice). doesn’t talk much.

ango - water and a small snack like a doughnut or peanuts.

tachihara - mountain dew voltage. very chill and talks to the workers. if he finds anyone attractive would lowkey flirt.

tecchou - he would find some type of snack that no one knew we even had. like the byson meat sticks that are definitely expired.

teruko - look i love her but i KNOW this bitch door dashes shit, and it drives us nuts because its always when we’re busy.

fukuchi - he gets beer and would pay with like a 50 dollar bill. my friend i work with would make an inside joke about him being our sugar daddy.

nikolai - (this is something an actual person has done) walks in , says hi and takes an entire fucking tray of lighters before walking out.

fyodor - calls the store and scams the worker for hundreds of dollars.

edit: should i tell more stories about working at a gas station? because i have a lot. i also wish i could have put in the time i was serenaded by a customer when i was by myself. but idk who would do that. maybe dazai??

[dietmtdewbabynewyorkcity]

HOW I’VE BEEN SUCESSFULLY LOSING WEIGHT: Notes from a former binge eater ♥️

*this guide is to show how ~I~ do things and offer advice on how to do it MY way. I am in no way encouraging anyone to do themselves harm. First off,

HEALTH IS WEALTH.

That being said.. this is literally the longest I’ve ever gone without bingeing. It’s just,,, easy this time. Once you get a feel of what it’s like to be skinny you just don’t crave junk as much anymore bc you KNOW it’s not worth it. The trick is to eat clean 90% of the time and allow your favorite treats 10% do the time. Fit them into your calorie limit!!! Here’s some personal favorites that have helped me lose like 20lbs in the past 2 months.

I tend to do one higher- calorie drink during the day (protein shake, Starbucks, etc) and one healthy filling but low cal meal and a sweet snack at the end of the night.

LOW CALORIE 90%

Mediterranean salad (~150): mixed greens, chopped bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, red onion. Little bit of feta cheese. Balsamic vinegar (not dressing or vinegarette!!!!) I don’t add meat but you could totally add chicken for low cal high protein choice. You could also add olives but I don’t fw them.

Chocolate Protein shakes from the gas station (loll). They’re 220 cal on average and a great treat. Strawberry one is good too.

SEAWEED SNACKS they’re literally 30-60 calories for a pack and kill my urge to eat chips!!! Please give them a try!

Soups. Soups that are already portioned and have the calorie amount posted. I add extra seasonings and spice to boost metabolism.

Coffee!! With almond milk and a little coffee creamer. It’s worth the calories if you want a coffee just make one it’s better than going to Starbucks.

Sushi: I’m vegetarian so I get an avocado and cucumber roll. It’s so good with fresh ginger and a little soy sauce. Sometimes I will be craving it allllllll day and have it as my OMAD so rewarding 🥹

Miso soup>>>>>> add tofu and seaweed and onions!! And mushrooms if you like them.

Monster Ultra energy drinks,,,, yeah I know they’re bad for you but I love them.

Fruits!!! I especially love strawberries, watermelon, cherries, blackberries, pineapple and mangoes.

TREATS 10%

Trail mix: dried cherries, pecans, walnuts, pistachios, cashews. High in calories but perfect for killing hunger. High protein keeps you full and muscles strong, high healthy fats will keep your hair and skin and nails beautiful.

Chocolates: SMALL PORTIONS. if you can’t eat just eat a piece without bingeing, do NOT buy a big bag. what I do is I buy a bar of whatever chocolate I’m craving for my bf and we share it piece by piece. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white, hazelnut, with coffee beans, with toffee, fruits, chocolate is the best thing ever 🍫

Starbucks! My fav drinks are matcha lattes (hot/iced), iced white chocolate mocha, caramel macchiato, and occasionally a pumpkin spice latte. Peppermint mochas on the holidays. Oat milk always

Baked goods. Same deal as the chocolate, ONLY BUY THE PORTION YOURE GOING TO EAT. If you have been craving a croissant, go get one. One. Don’t buy a whole dozen of them. You will end up bingeing trust me. My favs are cinnamon rolls <3

Habits

I’m going to the gym!!! Consistently for the first time in my life. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Spend 30 min on the treadmill alternating between incline walking and easy paced jogging. Put on a YouTube video. Wear pink and bring a cute water bottle. You have to make an experience out of it! I stick to cardio and full body stretches plus ocasional (light) strength workouts w my bf.

I don’t drink anymore. Just 🍃. Alc is so high in sugar and carbs and it’s literally poison bro. I know it’s hard to stop but once you do you’ll feel so much better.

I rarely weigh myself. I’m at my bfs house all the time so I only step on my scale maybe 3 times a month. It’s been a game changer!!!

MINDSET

I practice mindfulness and speak kindly to myself. Basically sweetspo + affirmations to myself all the time.

Taking more pride in your appearance will also help motivate you. You think you’ll still want to binge after you took a full body shower, clean PJ’s or outfit, painted your nails, skincare and makeup done, whitened your teeth and lit a candle? No thanks.

Limit stupid, negative, useless media consumption. Watch things that have to do with your hobbies/ interests and your social media algorithms begin to kinda clean themselves up over time. My pages are all about exercise, study blogs, beauty tips and sciencey stuff. No more drama or celebrity nonsense. Cut down your following!!

Remember you only have one life on earth. You’re young and hot once. Don’t you want to grab this chance while you have it? Unfortunately your beauty is your currency especially as a woman, so if there’s anything I can do to give myself a better life I will. Losing just a few pounds of fat will make the craziest difference in ways you’d never expect. Free and discounted stuff. More people smile at you and listen to what you have to say. Both literal and figurative doors will be opened for you.Clothes fit better bc they’re more flattering when your body is fit and healthy. While it feels good to get validation from other people, the best part of it is looking in the mirror and feeling proud instead of ashamed. The inner confidence that comes from successful transformation………….there’s no other feeling that compares. If you know, you know. I’m just saying,, the choice is yours 🤷🏼‍♀️

[seaslugfanclub]

Kool-aid Isn’t the Only Thing I’m Thirsty For

Happy 4th of July everyone!

————————————————————————

“Y’know my great grandfather was stationed in France?”

“No shit? My nephew was deployed there.”

“Yeah— Cant remember for the life of me what division he was in, but he was sent back to the states after he blew off most of his fingers.”

“Yeesh.. Makes me mighty glad I missed out on all o’ that! hey- make sure to keep flippin’! These need to be grilled correctly.”

“Don’t tell a man how to use his own grill…”

Sykes, Rourke, and Alameda hovered over the grill, Sykes in charge of the burgers as he shot the shit with the old commander and cow wrangler, a half-smoked cigar hanging from each of their mouths and a chilled beer bottle in hand.

It had been a while since Sykes had celebrated the 4th, but he had subtly dominated the command of the grill. And Rourke was more than happy to piss away time, puffing on his cigar as he talked about old war battles with the two other men.

The sun beat down on the men, who had stationed themselves in the old lot behind the main studio building, both Rourke and Sykes had exchanged their usually stiff outfits for their old wife-beaters. While Alameda wore a simple plaid button up. An old radio played classic yacht rock, sitting atop a splintering picnic table. And a cooler filled with drinks was placed beside the grill, a few spare wasps hovering around the yellowed plastic of the cooler.

“(Y/N)!!!” Sykes hollered, Rourke and Alameda flinching at the noise,

“How're you doing with the Kool-aid!?”

(Y/n) opened the door to the backyard, calling back, “Almost done!!!”

Closing the door, (Y/n) turned towards Medusa, who was finishing mixing the disgustingly sweet drink, limp cigarette between her lips

“Hey, don’t get any cigarette ash in it!” They whined.

“Oh please, I won't! At least the ash would cut back the sugar.” Medusa muttered, sweeping back her dangling American flag earrings.

(Y/n) nodded, pulling on the hem of their denim shorts that stuck to their sweaty skin. “Cool, Imma bring out the ketchup and shit, Facilier, do you wanna join us?”

Facilier, who was draped on the counter across from Medusa, top hat off and slightly fanning himself shrugged,

“Eh, I’m not too big on burgers Chére. And I’m pretty sure drinking even a small glass of that red monstrosity will put me in an early grave.”

“You sure? I brought some illegal fireworks that we’ll be setting off later? You could do the honors of lighting them?”

Facilier paused his fanning, “…Illegal you say? What kind?”

“Oh I’ve got; Snakes, sparklers, firecrackers, M80, black cats, Roman candles, screamin’ Mimi’s, ladyfingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, crap flappers, whistling bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker do’s, hoosker don’ts, cherry bombs, nipsa daisers with scooter stick, and whistling kitty chasers.” (Y/n) listed off with their fingers.

…

“….Well, I could never pass up a good ol’ Roman candle… sure. Just let me know when you bring ‘em out.”

(Y/n) laughed, nodding excitedly as they carried out all the condiments, paper plates, and napkins to the backyard, Medusa bustling beside them with the large pitcher of iced Kool-aid.

“I haven’t had a proper July 4th cookout since I was a girl! I still remember my ol’ mother and father screaming over the undercooked hot dogs… Oh, back when this country had proper domestic violence~” Medusa cooed, a nostalgic smile making her eyes squint.

The park attendant gave Medusa the side eye, brows furrowed before shaking their head, (Y/n)’s attention quickly turned towards the large men outside.

They tried not to blatantly stare at how tight Sykes beater was stretched around his chest, or how all of the men’s chest and arm hair were slicked with sweat, OR how an old anchor tattoo made itself known on Rourkes back whenever he flexed, OR OR how good Alameda looked taking a long puff his cigar.

…

“…Meat's back on the menu tonight…” (Y/n) thought to themselves, hoping that the heat could excuse their flushed face.

To break out of there thoughts, (Y/n) shouted to the group,

“Alright! Who’s ready to party!?”

———————————————————————

“What in god's name are they doing?” Hook muttered, watching through the window in morbid fascination as (Y/n) fanatically cheered on Facilier, who had begun to laugh maniacally as he shot off three Roman candles at once.

“Oh it’s that silly American holiday, today. The one where they dress up is garish clothing and raise their cholesterol.” Cruella hisses, already feeling a headache coming on. “I tell you those Americans eat like they have free healthcare..”

“Ugh, a wretched holiday for a wretched country, the traitors..” Governor Ratcliffe sneered.

“Oh, now look at that—” Hook pointed out,

From the backyard, Rourke hands (Y/n) what seems to be a small, multicolored bazooka, a wicked grin on his face as he helps them light the rocket's fuse.

Rourke ruffled their hair, stepping back a few paces to join Sykes and Slim’s side, watching proudly as (Y/n) braces and aimed the rocket towards the sky, shooting a fiery ball high up into the night air, which promptly exploded into a burning flower of sparkles. The firework joking one of many across the dark sky.

“USA! USA! USA! USA!”

…

“…I bet 30 dollars one of them is losing a finger tonight.” Clayton speaks up amongst the crowd of villains watching from inside.

“Aye, make that 50.”

————————————————————————

Just wanted to write a little blurb celebrating the 4th of July! I realized just how little American villains the Disney cannon has, and I wanted an excuse to thirst over Rourke and Sykes in old wife- beaters grilling me a burger🤤.

(ALSO DISCLAIMER!! This was merely written for fun. I love America and I love the beautiful nature it has, but I don’t love the American government.

This was not written with any political intention, only thirst for old men and Kool—aid.)

[plzfeedmebread]

Where'd You Learn That? Tsu'tey x Female! Human Reader

word count: 2.9k

Pairing: Tsu'tey x Female! Human! Reader Tags/Warnings: R18 - minors DNI, smut, p eating, tongue action, established relationship, fluff, romance, alcohol consumption, slightly inebriated reader, wingman Jake

Author's Notes: For this prompt! Dedicated to @mechformers, thank you for my first Tsu'tey fic inspiration! Apologies for any grammatical errors, I hope you enjoy!

The scent of spiced meat and sugared fruit tickles your nose. You are thankful for the implants in your nasal cavity and lungs, letting you freely enjoy the Pandoran air and all it’s wonderful smells.

Spirits are high as the clan celebrates well into the night. A bonfire roars at its centre; Humans and Na’vi gather all around in song and dance. Drinks flow freely among the crowd.

You take an experimental sniff of your cups contents. The smell reminds you of elderberries, and cinnamon, with an undertone of something sugary. Throwing caution to the wind, you take sizeable sip.

It does not taste as it smells; but is delicious all the same.

One cup turns to two.

Another.

Then another.

You close your eyes.

A blanket of warmth wraps around you as your body moves to the rhythmic beat of drums. A gentle buzz tickles the back of your mind.

You make lazy patterns with your arms, swinging your hips side to side as you let the music guide your movements.

The hairs at the nape of your neck stand on end.

Suddenly, you get the distinct feeling that you are being watched.

You open your eyes, searching the crowd for your would-be observer.

A golden gaze snaps your head in place, stilling your movements. The world around you fades to the back of your mind. Your focus attuned to him alone.

The Olo'eyktan, noble warrior and esteemed Clan Leader, is devouring you with his intense stare. Tsu’tey tilts his head to the side, leaning back in his seat as he openly ogles you.

There is movement in your peripheral. Stealing a glance, you spot Jake and Neytiri giggling and whispering among themselves; their own eyes darting between Tsu’tey and yourself. When Jake catches your eye, he rolls his eyes and nods his head toward Tsu’tey, then starts gyrating on the spot as he makes eye-contact with you once more. Neytiri hold a hand to her mouth as she stifles a laugh, swatting him playfully on the arm.

The message is loud and clear, and you pull your eyes away, back to the object of your affection, doing your best to keep your face as neutral as possible.

The look on Tsu’tey’s face sends a shiver crawling up your spine. There is a familiar dark wanting hidden in those amber pools, and in this moment, you have never felt more desired. Arousal thrums from your core when he flashes you a cocky smile; the hint of his fangs glistening in the deep colours cast by fire.

Your liquid courage from before fuels your next move.

Eyes half lidden, you bite your lip and place your hands to your sides. Your hips sway in time with the beat as you drag your fingers up, teasing the swells of your breasts, and up to trace the sides of your face.

Your hands slowly make smooth patterns in the air, before coming down to glide over your chest. There’s no real technique to your fluidity; you simply let the music guide you, letting the sensuality of your movements speak for you.

Even as you do the occasional spin, his eyes never leave you. With your focus set only to the man honed in on you, unfortunately, you fail to notice the staggering body of a Na’vi man about to collide with you.

The drunk warrior spills his entire drink all over your front. The spicy smelling liquid soaks through your shirt, causing it to stick to your skin.

Before you can blink or even register what has happened, large hands are immediately on you, steadying you against a warm body. A hiss, an exchange of heated words. None too soon are you suddenly hoisted into the air.

Your word spins, causing an uncontrollable giggle to come bubbling forth.

---

“Here. Eat.” Tsu’tey’s voice commands, and you feel something wet press against your lips. You take the slimly object into your mouth without hesitation, chewing it slowly.

“Eurgh! That’s so bitter!” You complain as you swallow it with some difficulty. Tsu’tey let’s out a quiet amused huff.

“Bare it. It will help clear the mind.”

He is, of course, right. The world suddenly snaps into focus once more. You take stock of your surroundings.

The two of you are alone, somewhere in the forest. Night still blankets Pandora; the forest sings in quiet tones, effervescent colours dancing in your vision.

You sit at the edge of a heated spring, your feet idly dangling in the warm water. Long blue legs cage you in from either side, and you realise you’re sitting in Tsu’tey’s lap space, leaning against his front.

The memory of your attempted sexy dancing, the disaster sticking to your skin, and now your current seating arrangement, causes you to blush.

And you blush hard, covering your face with your hands.

Tsu’tey chuckles behind you, his voice vibrating in his strong chest, reverberating in your bones.

“Why so shy, [Y/N]? Where did all that confidence go, my little txeptsyì?”

“Tsu’teeey…” You whine, pouting as you look up to him. He takes your hands from your face, his large thumbs gently stroking your palms.

“Where did you learn that dance?”

“Uhhh…Nowhere in particular…I just, wanted to dance for you…The music, the alcohol…your eyes on me…Just felt right is all. Urgh, probably didn’t look sexy at all—”

Tsu’tey ponders the not so familiar word for a moment, trying to recall its meaning.

“The dance…It is meant to entice? Physically?”

“Y-yeah. Sure, let’s put it like that.”

“…Is that what you want, [Y/N]?”

You wordlessly nod. It has been something you craved for a while. Up until now, the two of you spoke only in honeyed words, fleeting touches and chaste kisses. But your body had needs, and the primal desire to become one with your beloved only grew as time passed.

“You are very small, ma tawtute. I could hurt you…” His apprehension shows on his face, ears slightly pinned back.

“I will not break so easily.” The determination in your voice clearly stirs something within him, as evident on his face.

Tsu’tey understands all too well what you want. He had fought with himself when he had first developed feelings for you. But you had burst through the walls he built around his heart, reigniting feelings he thought once lost to him.

And here you were again, fighting against his fear of harming you. It wasn’t the intimacy that scared him, he had long since resigned to the path his heart took, all in stride of course. His biggest fear, was hurting the one he cared most for.

But by the Grace of Eywa, he wanted you as his mate. You were in all sense but physical, already his mate. And there was no doubt in his mind of your intentions. He could smell it. And this wasn’t the first time either.

“Okay.”

You blink at him a few times.

“Wha—really?”

He moves himself into the pool. He stands in front of you, the water coming up passed his waist. He plants his arms on either side of you, boxing you in.

“Yes. You doubt my words?”

“No! No I—” He pulls you up into a heated kiss before you can waste your breath on further words. He holds you gently, careful not to exert too much strength. You melt in his arms, your body already feeling mailable thanks to your slight inebriated state.

When he pulls away, he swipes the thin line of saliva left by his retreat. He tugs at the hem of your top.

“Fì’u’aku.”

You do so without hesitation, hastily throwing the soaked garment aside along with your pants.

Tsu’tey hums appreciatively as you lay bare before him, clad only in your smalls. His eyes roam over your body. From the red flushness of your face, to the swell of your breasts, down does his gaze travel; admiring the smoothness of your skin, the softness of your flesh.

His fingers drag along your sticky skin, worshipping every inch he touches. You marvel at the size of him; his hand covers the whole of your chest. If he wanted, he could crush you with a single squeeze. Slick coats your walls at the mere thought of his strength.

“Hmm. You are, sticky. Tsk. That skxáwng should have watched where he was going.” He leans down, sniffing at the nape of your neck, before giving you a purposeful lick.

You let out a surprised yelp at the contact, the warm thick muscle taking you by surprise.

“W—wait! Shouldn’t I clean myself off first? In the water?”

“Kehe. I will do it for you.”

“With what?”

“Ftxì oeyä.”

The blush on your face deepens at the prospect of him licking you clean. But you don’t object. In fact, the idea excites you all the more. Tsu’tey takes your silence as permission to continue.

He starts at your navel, slowly dragging his tongue up in a straight line, up between your breasts and along your clavicle. He let’s out a low pleasured hum at the back of his throat as he swallows your taste on his tongue.

His mouth is on you again, greedily licking every inch of your skin.

You let out a soft moan when he glides his tongue over your nipples; the sound making his ears flick forward. He does it again, earning himself another delightful moan to fall from your lips.

He smirks as he continues to lick you clean.

Once he is satisfied, you lay there covered in a sheen of his saliva, nipples hard from the cool air. You don’t feel sticky anymore. But you do feel the wetness of your loins.

Tsu’tey gives you a quizzical look, studying you.

“Hm.”

“W-what is it?” You stammer, painfully aroused, but still shy under this intense stare.

“It would seem, I am not yet finished.”

“Huh?...Where could you have possibly missed? I’m practically drenched, heh.” You let out a chuff at your own double entendre. What you don’t anticipate, is the down right lustful knowing smirk he gives you right back.

“Right…here.”

He drags a single finger up your clothed cunt, sending a sudden jolt of pleasure shooting through you.

You inhale sharply at the sudden contact, eyes fluttering closed as he continues to rub you through your panties, soaking them even further in your arousal.

Gently and with purpose, he slowly removes the undergarment, chucking it somewhere near your discarded top.

Feeling shy, you try close your legs. But you are no match for him, and he holds you in place; a hand pressed to either leg, keeping you spread wide open.

“Voìk si.” He commands, and you obey, all to eager for him to just touch you already.

Tsu’tey adjusts in the water, lowering himself to the space between your thighs. He starts kissing the inside of your leg, planting languid kisses as he moves closer to your apex.

He breathes deep of your scent, pupils dilating from your tantalizing smell. When he finally presses a kiss to your folds, you can’t help but sigh in relief. He kisses you again, the pressure of his large mouth against your sex flaming the fires of your arousal. The promise of pleasured release slowly starts to build.

He gives you an experimental lick, marveling at the primal taste you leave on his tongue. He spreads you further apart using his thumbs.

His tongue returns to you, licking away at the soft flesh of your pussy in long strokes. His ears perk at the undignified sound you make when he brushes over your sensitive bud.

Your mouth agape, formed into an ‘o’ as you squirm with pleasure. You squeeze your eyes shut.

His tongue is thick, large and oh so deviously wet against your folds. He presses his tongue flat against your cunt, roughly rubbing against your clit in meaningful strokes.

“Hmmm~! Just like that…” The honeyed tone of your voice is music to his ears. He wonders what other wonderful sounds you can give him. He uses one had to remove himself of his tweng, languidly stroking himself underwater as he continues worshipping your pussy with his mouth.

He licks and sucks at your folds, each ministration pulling you closer and closer to promised release. But it is not enough. Although he enjoys the soft moans and sharp intakes of breath you do, what he really wants, is for you to scream.

Both of his hands are suddenly cupping your ass cheeks, lifting you off the ground. You eyes snap open, widening in shock. He throws your legs over his shoulders, pushing himself forward, lifting you higher. Your core aches as you strain to keep balance on just your arms and upper back; your lower half practically vertical.

He wraps one hand around your waist, holding you still in a tight grip.

He’s on you once more, lavishing your sex in heated licks and gulps. The evidence of your arousal coats the entirety of his mouth, practically dripping down his chin. And he can’t get enough of it.

You hold each other’s stare; gaze unwavering.

Without warning, he presses his tongue to your entrance, plunging his warm tongue right into your welcoming hole.

The sudden stretch is a titillating burn, a burst of pleasure springing forth. Your walls mold around his tongue as he plunges the appendage in and out of you. He uses the thumb of his free hand to toy with your bud.

“F—fuck! Tsu’tey! YES!!!” You don’t break eye contact as your fingers dig into the ground below you as the coil tightens deep in your core. What started clumsily, soon turns ravenous as he fucks you with his tongue. At this downward angle, each plunge of his tongue into your pussy causes him to lick the spongy flesh just right.

Your release draws ever nearer, and you wish you could reciprocate in some way. Tearing your gaze away, you then notice his kuru hanging over his shoulder, resting within reach.

You take this tip in hand, gently squeezing to coax out his tendrils. He watches wide-eyed as you bring them to your face. You let the ends invade your mouth, teasing them with your tongue in a wet slobbering dance. It tingles.

You watch as Tsu’tey’s pupil’s dilate, eyes rolling back before he squeezes them shut. A low growl, perhaps moan, rubbles from deep in his chest and up his throat. The vibration courses through your walls and clit. The grip on your waist tightens, and he engulfs your entire pussy with his mouth. He sucks as hard as he can while rubbing his tongue against that knowing spot deep within your core.

You all but shatter. You scream, uncaring, as the coil snaps, pushing you over the edge.

Your orgasm bursts forth, and he drinks deep of the juices flowing into his mouth. Your legs squeeze tight in an effort to keep his head in place. He helps you ride out your orgasm to the fullest, licking your clit continuously. You remove the tendrils of his kuru from your mouth, desperately trying to speak when the feeling becomes too intense.

“S—stop…It’sss too muuuchh…” You slur your words, pleading. He yields, pulling his mouth away. He slowly licks his lips clean, letting out a low approving moan as he swallows.

“Ftxìlor.” He says, wiping his mouth with his thumb.

If you weren’t already burning, you’d blush at the sight of his mouth shimmering with your juices smeared all over his jaw.

Gently he lowers you back down, letting you rest on your back once more. He washes away your slick with the spring’s water.

Once done, he moves to lean over you, careful to hold himself up so as to not crush you under him. His hand comes to cup the side of your face, eyes searching.

“You are, alright?” He asks, and there is a hint of uncertainty to his voice.

“Alright??” You let out a huff, almost offended by the question.

“I am more than alright. I feel fucking fantastic…That was, amazing. Where did you even learn that?”

He gives you a cheeky grin, self-assured and brimming with pride.

“No where in particular. The sounds you made. The taste of you. It just, felt right.” Cheeky bastard was using your own words against you. You don’t mind though, and let out a soft giggle, placing your hand over his.

He leans closer, kissing you softly. You faintly taste yourself on his skin. You lick his lips teasingly, and feel him smile. He pulls back slightly, resting his forehead against yours.

“[Y/N]. Nga yawne lu oer.”

No matter how many times you hear it, you still get butterflies in your stomach. What a wonderful feeling.

“I love you too, my Mighty Warrior.”

He kisses you again, more passionate than before. His mouth moves against yours hungrily, yearning. You get the distinct feeling he’s ready. And by Eywa’s will do you feel ready as well.

When next he pulls away, you can see the desire burning in his eyes. He opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

“Ma Tsu’tey…I’m ready.”

“Yawne…”

You press a kiss to his nose.

“Let me feel all of you, my love. Join with me, before Eywa. Become truly mine…”

The smile he gives you is soft and genuine; nothing like the cheeky smirks or prideful grins.

He stands up, taking you by the legs and pulling your cunt flush with his pelvis. You look forward, and eyes widen at the sheer size of his hardened cock now nestled between your legs.

Your eyes dart from his face to his member a few times. You peer up at him, eyes pleading.

You needed that thing inside you right the fuck now.

“Now, [Y/N]…” You bite your lip as you watch him take himself in hand, lining up with your entrance.

“Rikx rä’ä.”

You scream in ecstasy with the first thrust.

---

Glossary: txeptsyì - flame tawtute - human Fì’u’aku - remove this skxáwng - moron fnu - be quiet kehe - no ftxì oeyä - my tongue voìk si - behave ftxìlor - delicious Nga yawne lu oer - I love you yawne - beloved Rikx rä’a - don't move

---

Tags: @mechformers @wwebaby657 @zomerlovesme @girlnred @raving-raven-writing @meeeeep5 @imavaduh @mxn14 @ashy-kit @manymaria111 @johoevi @iamwh0iam @jadesmyname @lvangel98 @watertastesnice1 @belos-simp69 @wren-solos @pandoragalora @strbyallycow @so-this-is-a-thing-noww @grimistangel @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @ducks118 @graysonmalik2550 @p9scal @ohshititsfenharel @ourmurdermessiah @cocoaflare @sarcasticrandy @liyahsocorro @olivia-the-weirdo @dyingofcookies

[audible-smiles]

eating salmon: an explanation

lox: thin cuts of salmon (traditionally the fatty belly meat) dry cured with salt, but not smoked. this results in a delicate texture and a very salty taste. lox originated in Scandinavia as a method of preserving fish prior to refrigeration, but the American English word is derived from Yiddish because Jewish delis in New York first popularized it as a bagel topping. since lox is a type of uncooked fish, it is not recommended for pregnant people, immunocompromised people, or seniors, due to the risk of contamination with listeria.

cold-smoked salmon: thin cuts of salmon brined (with less salt than lox) and then smoked below 90 degrees Fahrenheit. results in the same silky texture but a milder, more palatable taste. often called "Nova lox", referring to Nova Scotia but denoting a method of preparation rather than the fish's origin. this is usually what modern Americans are referring to when they use the term "lox". cold-smoking reduces but does not eliminate the risk of listeria.

hot-smoked salmon: salmon brined quickly and then smoked above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. results in a flaky, jerky-liked texture, a hard shiny surface, and a smoky flavor. (as a West-coaster, this is my preferred style!) hot-smoking eliminates listeria during the cooking process, but salmon can be recontaminated during the processing/packaging process if the facility is not sanitary. (really, this is true of all foods- vegetables, dairy products, etc).

salmon candy: a traditional Pacific Northwest hot-smoked salmon recipe where the brine is sweetened with brown sugar, and the smoked fish is glazed with a sauce containing birch or maple syrup.

salmon jerky: cured salmon hot-smoked for longer than usual or processed in a dehydrator until it is tough and chewy.

gravlax: a traditional Scandinavian raw salmon recipe where the brine contains sugar and dill. historically buried in the ground and lightly fermented. sometimes it is still pressed to give it a dense texture.

kippered salmon: thicker cuts of brined salmon hot-smoked above 150 degrees Fahrenheit. results in a texture similar to baked salmon.

salmon sushi/sashimi: completely raw fresh salmon. this didn't exist in traditional Japanese cuisine, where salmon was always cooked, possibly because the local wild salmon had a high burden of parasitic worms (anasakis nematodes). Norwegian fish sellers convinced them to try farmed Atlantic salmon raw in the 80s, and it really took off.

poached salmon: salmon cooked on the stove while submerged in liquid (often white wine with lemon). results in a moist, soft, cooked fish with a pale color. can be bland without sauce.

baked salmon: salmon cooked in an oven, often wrapped in aluminum foil with seasonings to retain moisture and flavor. can result in perfect, flaky fish (as long as you don't overcook it).

dishwasher salmon: look, sometimes white people wrap salmon in aluminum foil like they're going to bake it and then poach it in their dishwasher instead. this can work but is stupid because the temperature dishwashers run at isn't standardized, so you have no control over the process and it's easy to over or undercook.

pan-fried salmon: salmon cooked in oil on a stovetop. I've never done this and frankly it sounds wrong, but I bet it makes the skin crunchy.

broiled salmon: salmon cooked under a broiler. as with all broiled foods, you will have to stare at it the whole time or it will burn to a crisp while your back is turned. results in a caramelized exterior.

grilled salmon: to grill salmon people often put it on a Western redcedar plank pre-soaked in water, which supposedly infuses the salmon with a smoky, aromatic flavor while it cooks. I've seen the technique variously credited to the Haida, the Salish, and the Chinook. it seems to be a modern variation of the traditional "salmon on a stick" style of slow-cooking salmon by spearing it on branches and leaning it over the coals of an above-ground pit fire.

deep-fried salmon: this sounds absolutely awful but I simply cannot stop thinking about it

[mirkwoodmunson]

how do you think eddie would react to having a partner that always says shit like “i had a handful of rainbow sprinkles for lunch today” ,, like they’re the laziest ever, very chaotic in how they take care of themself, so eddie’s just like🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️please gOd —

https://youtu.be/z2s56IQzsBE <- live footage

i CANNOT express how much i love this request REYYY 🫶🫀🫰 thank you for sending and being patient with me i hope you’re doin’ good!!!

contains: cursing, food mention/consumption

“What’re you eating?” The question has a heavy layer of exasperation to it, sprinkled with humor as you slowly turn to look at Eddie with spoon sticking out of your mouth and held in a fist, in your other hand a jar with the label obscured by your fingers.

“…Nutella,” your response is muffled and globby, obscured by the thick mass in your mouth, sheepish in tone as you smirk around the spoon and slowly swipe it out from between your lips. Eddie groans but can’t help a crooked smile, rolling his head as he reaches out to take the jar while you lick the spoon clean.

“That’d be hot if your mouth wasn’t full of chocolate.”

“It’s hazelnuts!” You attempt to defend, holding up your cleaned spoon.

“Yeah, loaded with sugar. Did you have any real breakfast?”

You stare at him for a moment before looking at the jar and sniggering. Eddie groans again and goes to put it away on the tallest shelf he can reach.

“How many times! Scoop of condiment does not a mealtime make. Wayne got a bunch of ready-to-eat shit, y’know — granola bar wouldn’t kill you.”

“I could choke.”

Eddie rolls his head to the side and eyes you until you’re giggling and snaking into his arms, and he can’t help a snort as he pecks your forehead and winds them around you.

“Seriously, you gotta eat like, food. Nutrients. Y’know, vitamins and minerals and shit.”

“What, like, five cheeseburgers and a large fry from McDonald’s?”

“I hadn’t eaten in like, twelve hours! And that’s like, meat, babe. Potatoes. You don’t get sugar crashes from meat. In approximately half-an-hour you’re gonna be conked out on the sofa whining for a snack.”

Your expression turns more and more pursed and pouty as he goes on, rolling your eyes and huffing dramatically as you start to slide away from him.

“You’re a snack,” you softly clip back sarcastically, but Eddie just grins and pulls you back in, going nose-to-nose with you and shaking his head teasingly side to side.

“Don’t I know it,” he croons, nipping your bottom lip as you feign disgust, giggling and half-heartedly pushing his face away as he grins and teeths at your lips and cheeks.

Approximately thirty-five minutes later you’re strewn across Eddie’s lap on the sofa while The Blob plays on the TV; your boyfriend strokes your hair and bites back his laughter as you’re half-asleep yet starting to grumble about how hungry you are, your stomach grumbling ominously as you clutch it.

“Close your eyes for a bit, I’ll go grab you something,” Eddie offers softly.

“Noo noo,” you shake your head, beginning to remove yourself from his lap. “I’m a big kid. I’m growed. I can slice my own apples,” you slur out sleepily, groaning as you stretch.

“Hey, apples! There ya go!”

You spite his brimming enthusiasm and flip Eddie the bird as you make your way to the kitchen, to which he laughs and grins, offering one in turn as he turns his attention back to the TV, trusting you’d not find your way back to the Nutella.

A few minutes of silence before he hears a soft ‘ooooh~!’ of intrigue from the kitchen, then he waits and listens for some sort of indication you’re actually preparing something for yourself.

Instead he hears a rattle.

Perplexed, Eddie peers up at the little window into the kitchen, but with your back turned he questions what you’re currently dumping a fistful of into your mouth. He stands and heads into the kitchen to investigate, leaning against the entry into the room and crossing his arms.

“Alright, gremlin, what’ve you got this time.”

Your expression is that of a nervous dog, staring at him from the corner of your vision with your head still tipped back and a hand over your mouth, trying to get the last bits of whatever it was to fall into your open maw. You lower your hand and smile sheepishly, pausing a moment before starting to crunch. Eddie quirks a brow.

“….sprinkles…”

“Goddamnit!”

“Goddammit!”

[missnancywritesfanfic]

Grocery Shopping ft. Anemo Boys

(Based On Stuff My BF and I Have Done)

Characters: Venti, Xiao, Heizou, Kazuha, Wanderer(Scaramouche), Aether

Contains: Modern AU, Everyday Life, Fluff, Swears

A/N: I was at the grocery store and the idea popped in my head 🥰

--

VENTI - Humming Along To The Music

From the moment you stepped inside to the moment you leave. He will be humming. Tapping his finger to whatever royalty free song is playing over the speakers. You used to asked him why he never listened to his own music when you were shopping.

"But if I did that, then I'd be ignoring you. Isn't it better to be together in the moment?"

"Yeah, in the moment of Funky Town for the thirtieth time? I'm flattered."

It gets worse with every trip. It slowly evolves into mumbling the lyrics, then singing the lyrics out loud, swaying along to the music, and sometimes full on dancing with no remorse. Not a single bone of shame in his body, and you have to watch your boyfriend shake his ass while you facepalm.

"I am never taking you shopping again."

"We both know that's a big fat lie, babe. You love having me around~"

God, you hated his smug grin. Let this shopping trip be done as soon as humanly possible.

XIAO - Carry All The Groceries/Steer The Cart

He will always man the cart. Don't you dare take it away from him, he has pouted at you before when you absentmindedly grabbed one and started shopping.

You seriously have no clue why he enjoys it so much, but you can't complain, it gave you time to actually focus on picking what you wanted. And you didn't have to worry about navigating traffic in the aisles. But he will nudge the cart into you when you're taking too long, you'll always turn back to meet his glare.

"Are you done yet? We need to get a move on."

"Hey, I am the chef of the house. If you don't like how I pick the ingredients, you can cook for a change."

That'll usually shut him up. He'll still silently nudge the cart into you though, after a while you get the idea and pick up the pace. When you finish shopping, he will always take the heavier bags. Even when you offer, he insists that it isn't an issue and leave you with the lighter bags. Sometimes nothing at all.

You appreciate his help, not like you wanted to carry them anyways. You still have to scold him about being delicate with the eggs.

KAZUHA - Cannot Decide On What To Take

"Baby, for the love of god, please pick a thing and stick with it!"

You've been in the aisle for over five minutes, he can't decide on what kind of rice to buy. This isn't a price issue. Kazuha's stuck thinking in the longterm: What kind of rice is best? Should we buy a bulk bag to last longer? Which type will work best with dinner tonight? (It's Jasmin. Always Jasmin. Cheap and reliable.)

You don't care! You just want to be in any other aisle but this one! But you're being hypocritical, you've done the exact same and everytime he'll give you a specific look. Nothing else, not a frown, not even a smug grin, just a look.

"Okay, but why does this package say sugar-free but it has the same level in the nutrients on the back?" You pause and glance over, you frown. "What?"

"I haven't said anything, dear."

"You don't need to. I know that look, it's Kazuha for I'm Judging You."

HEIZOU - Comparing Item Prices

He's the type of person to lay out all his options and pick the cheapest one with the best quality. There may be meat on sale today, but he knows it's only because they're going to expire soon. This can be useful at times, no need for bottom tier food in your household.

But that's not the worse of it. Like many middle aged home owners, he will deliberately check for mistagged items so that he can get them at a discount price. There's an air fryer he's been eyeing for months that's too expensive for a leisure purchase, until the day he spots that it's been mistagged for thirty dollars cheaper than normal.

"Heizou, honey, we can just wait until it's actually on sale..."

"Ah ah~, the price labelled is the price offered. I will be taking my prize!"

"You're insufferable."

You're at the checkout, silently apologizing to the cashier and manager that are trying to find a way out of this predicament. Unfortunately for them, he gets the airfryer. And unfortunately for you, he doesn't stop using it for a loooong time.

WANDERER - Buy Old People Snacks

He doesn't like sweets. He visibly cringes everytime you pass by the bakery section or candy aisle, and you have a horrible sweet tooth that can never be quelled.

However, he's gotten into the habit of picking up dried cranberries of all things. Now, usually you don't pass judgement on his choices, despite him making it clear he doesn't care if you. Regardless, you can't help poking fun at him every once in a while.

"Pfft, nice choice granpa."

"Shut up, you shovel junk down your throat like it's your day job."

"Yeah, but at least I act my age."

"You mean five?"

If you ever, and I mean ever, try to take some for yourself. He will smack your hand away and give you the nastiest glare. Don't bother with whining or fake tears, you should've thought about that before insulting his food choice. You won't be able to steal any of his food for a good month.

AETHER - Asking Permission To Buy Stuff

You have no clue where it comes from. Before you started dating him, he and Paimon were impulsive spenders. They used to empty literal shelves and have more food then they knew what to do with (Paimon usually ate most of it in record time). But now, when you're heading down the aisle, he'd sheepishly hold a box of cereal, maybe cookies, or even fruit snacks- and give you the biggest puppy dog eyes possible.

"Aether, you are a grown man. You can buy whatever you want."

"Really?"

"Yes! Buy ten of 'em if you really want to!"

Okay, maybe that's a bit overboard. But you needed to exxagerate to make your stance clear. Maybe he was trying to be considerate of you? But you always split the bill when it came to paying for groceries, a couple extra dollars wasn't going to kill you. Especially not with your shared salaries.

But if you're not careful, Paimon might end up eating you out of house and home. So maybe he had the right idea about clearing these choices with you first.

[mortiskiller]

How I Manage Food Costs as a Feedist

Preface: I often see people in this community post about struggling with food insecurity and managing food costs. These are just some tips that have helped me when I was down to the last few dollars and needed to eat for a few weeks. I understand circumstances are different for everyone, and some people struggle even with this level of food security, I have been there. My intention is to help.

With food prices still high—often due to profit gouging—I’ve found ways to manage my food budget, and the secret is simple: **eat at home!** Growing up in extreme poverty with two working parents, eating at home was pretty much our only option, aside from takeout once every few months. My parents taught me the value of home cooking, and while it takes time to develop essential skills, Making sauces, learning how to prep and clean ingredients, cooking veggies, preparing meats, etc., once you have them, there’s a whole world of recipes within reach.

Here’s how I manage food costs, and how you can too:

1. Weekly/Monthly Shopping Essentials

Start with the basics—items you’ll need to shop for regularly to cover your meals for a week or two. Building a pantry depends on the storage space you have, but here are some key ingredients to keep on hand:

- Milk (1 to 2 gallons, depending on your choice—I go with 1%)

- Eggs (18 count)

- Bread (1 loaf) (I also recommend tortillas as they last longer than bread and can be used for nearly any bread needs)

- Rolls or Croissants (If you shop at a bulk store, you can get a dozen for $6.)

- Fruits: Change with the season, but apples, oranges, and grapes are solid year-round choices. In the summer, throw in some berries and stone fruit.

- Veggies for Prep: Stick to simple, versatile veggies like green bell peppers, zucchini, onions, potatoes, and chilies.

- Butter: Unsalted sweet cream butter is my favorite! Go for sticks instead of tubs for a better per-unit cost.

- Leafy Greens: A bag of spinach or romaine hearts

- Cheese: Shredded cheese works best and if you want to save more, buy a block and slice or shred it yourself.

These staples give you a variety of flavors, textures, and nutrition to build meals around, whether you’re whipping up sides, salads, or more complex dishes.

2. Protein, Protein, Protein!

Protein is an essential part of a healthy diet, but you don’t need to overdo it or overspend. I’ve found that chicken and tofu are some of the most affordable and versatile protein sources available (unless you’re hunting your own!). Both freeze well and can be used in a variety of recipes with different seasonings and marinades.

You can also look at beef, but stick to lean beef and fish as you do not want to pay for fat that will not end up in your food.

3. Shelf-Stable Items to Buy in Bulk

Buying in bulk can be a game changer, especially if you stock up on shelf-stable items. If you’re short on storage space, invest in an airtight tote to keep things organized. Start with common essentials like:

- Flour (Good ole AP with cover you most of the time)

- Sugar

- Baking Powder

- Baking Soda

- Brown Sugar

- Cooking Oil (I go for olive oil and canola oil)

These staples are the foundation of countless recipes and, when stored properly, can last for months or even a year.

4. Season Early, Season Often

Spices are what make food magical! You don’t need fancy brands—stick with basics that offer single-ingredient profiles. My go-to spices are:

- Salt

- Pepper

- Garlic Powder

- Onion Powder

- Thyme

- Oregano

- Paprika

- Cumin

- Cinnamon

- Chili Powder

- Vanilla Extract

- Bouillon Cubes

- Red Pepper Flakes

These spices will give you all the flavor you need to create a variety of meals without breaking the bank.

5. Canned Goods: The Unsung Hero

Canned goods are a staple in my kitchen. They offer consistent quality, low prices, and a long shelf life. Plus, they’re great for backup when fresh ingredients are low. Some key canned items to keep on hand are:

- Pinto Beans

- Crushed Tomatoes

- Tomato Paste

- Tomato Sauce

- Boiled White Potatoes

- Herring or Sardines

- Tuna

- Fruit Cocktail

- Peaches

- Pears

- Broth or Stock

These ingredients can help you create filling and versatile meals on a budget.

6. Where You Shop Matters

The store you shop at can make a huge difference in food prices. Here’s how to stretch your budget even further:

Bulk Stores: Invest in a membership at places like Sam’s Club, Costco, or BJ’s. The $100 yearly fee is usually paid for in savings after just a few trips. Protein, especially beef and fish, is almost always cheaper in bulk stores.

Walmart and Aldi: These stores are great for extras like frozen veggies, fresh produce, dairy items, and baked goods. Their prices are hard to beat!

Hope this helps and feel free to reblog or comment with your own tips and tricks!

Stick to Your List: One of the easiest ways to overspend and waste food is by shopping without a plan. Make a list, and stick to it. This will help keep your budget in check and prevent unnecessary purchases.

By following these steps, you can keep your food costs down while still eating healthy and delicious meals. The key is planning ahead, shopping smart, and keeping a well-stocked pantry!

[feyburner]

yo I feel like YOU are the one to ask: the pita bread recipe the NYTimes uses is pretty simple (active dry yeast, flour, sugar, salt, oil, mix, cook). Is there a special trick to making BOMB ass pita bread?

I’ve actually been on a pita journey myself recently. So far the best recipe/resource I’ve found is Anissa Helou.

I think the recipe is less important than the technique. Most recipes are basically the same with slightly varying hydrations. I’ll post the recipe I’ve been using (basically Anissa’s) below.

What I’ve learned through trial and error:

- Pita needs a longer rise time than many flatbreads—the first rise should be 2 hours for the dough to truly double in volume, and rest/proof times are an additional 45 minutes. This is because in order to get the puff, your dough really does need to be as airy as possible going into the oven.

- The trick to getting the puff is VERY high temperatures—they’re traditionally baked in those clay ovens that get up to like 700-800° and cook the pitas in literally 30 seconds. A home oven can’t do that, but you’ll need to turn your oven as high as possible, like 500°+ and bake for as short a time as possible to avoid drying them out and turning them into crackers. Think 4-5 minutes per batch with you watching the whole time. The moment they puff, regardless of color, they’re done.

- I tried cooking them on the stovetop in a cast iron and got a nice flatbread but they never puffed. The stovetop just doesn’t deliver enough instant top-and-bottom heat.

- Don’t roll out too thin. I saw one tip that was like “roll them out very thin so heat penetrates the center instantly” and was skeptical but tried it, and sure enough: if you roll them out super thin, there’s not enough airy dough to puff and they’ll just instantly harden in the center!

With all that in mind, here’s my recipe. This recipe has gotten me a batch where almost every single one puffed!

PITA BREAD

**Pita requires longer rising & proofing times than most flatbreads in order to get the airiness and puff. Rise is 2 hours and proofing is 45 minutes (divided).

INGREDIENTS

500g flour

300g lukewarm water

20g sugar or honey

1/4 cup (50g) olive oil

10g yeast

10g salt

DIRECTIONS

1. Mix all ingredients together until combined. Cover and rest 10 min. Mix/knead 6-8 minutes until a smooth, elastic dough forms.

2. Grease bowl with cooking spray and return dough ball to bowl, turning to coat with oil on all sides. Cover and let rise 2 hours in a warm place until truly doubled in size. Give it a fold after 1 hour. (I usually preheat the oven to 100°, then turn it off and put the bowl in there with the door cracked.)

3. Gently deflate and divide into 8-10 equal balls. Cover with a damp (not dripping) dishtowel and let rest 15 min.

4. Roll out each ball into a disc about 6” across and 1/2” thick (index fingernail width, thicker than tortillas).

5. Cover with dishtowel and let rest another 30 min. (Oil the work surface or rest on parchment paper so they don’t stick—once they’re proofed you want to handle as little as possible to not deflate).

6. Preheat oven, with a baking sheet inside, to 500° or its highest setting (Broil).

7. Place 3-4 pitas at a time on the hot baking sheet, flipping as you transfer them so they’re top side down. (After proofing the air will be concentrated at the top so this way the air will rise up through the center as they bake.)

8. Bake 4-7 minutes, keeping an eye on them. As soon as they puff, they’re done. Do not overbake.

9. Cover with a dish towel as soon as they’re out of the oven to keep them moist. Serve immediately.

Those ^ are arayes, or meat-stuffed pan-fried pitas. The recipe is in my recipes tag, it’s from Moribyan.

[haveatthee83]

Under My Skin (Monkey D. Luffy/Reader) 2/7

Inspo: Under My Skin by Jukebox the Ghost

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Word Count: ~4.5k

Warnings: Angst, arguing, cursing, angry Luffy, discussion of death and dead relatives, brief descriptions of violence.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You rose with the sun, kicking off your covers and rolling out your back. You peeked out of the window, the sandstorm still raged on outside. You huffed and frowned hoping it would let up soon. You had plenty of chores to do outside to set up for you leaving, animals that you needed to find care for.

You pushed those worries to the side, pushing yourself up and padding to the bathroom, quickly washing your face and brushing your teeth, speeding through your morning routine.

You then crept down one door, slipping into your bedroom, not waking the sleeping Nami before digging through your dresser for clothes for the day, quickly changing into a new cropped tank top and jean shorts before creeping back out the door and into the kitchen.

You marveled at the spotless counters and floors, seemingly scrubbed clean. You couldn’t be impressed for long though, rushing to work. You grabbed out two of your chickens’ eggs out of your fridge, heaving them onto your counter, before grabbing a large bowl out of one of your cabinets. You grabbed a knife and a whisk, washing your hands before returning to work.

You hummed to yourself as you picked up one egg, slapping your knife onto the hard shell a few times, setting the knife down and pulling the shell apart when the crack was big enough. You tossed the shell into the compost before doing the same with the second egg. The bowl was almost full as you stuck in the whisk, breaking the yolks before whisking carefully. When the eggs were thoroughly combined, you grabbed your four burner pan, setting it onto your stove and turning all of the burners on low, blowing out a little flame to light the gas.

You reached back into your fridge and just plopped a whole stick of butter from your neighbor’s cow into the rapidly heating up pan. You carefully picked up the large bowl, pouring the egg into the massive pan as soon as the butter melted. When the bowl was empty you set all your dishes into the sink, washing any egg residue off of your hands before turning back to the pan, the bottom of the eggs barely solidifying, and shook heaping servings of salt, pepper, garlic, and crushed, dried cayenne from your green house into the eggs, ‘not enough to burn’ you thought with a smile, ‘just enough to warm the mouth and soul a bit’ recalling your uncle’s seasoning mantra. ‘Clears out your sinuses’ he’d insist. Besides, you didn’t know how well these pirates could handle their spice, so reserved would have to do for now.

You grabbed a spatula and folded the eggs in the pan, keeping the eggs moving so none of it would brown or burn. When the eggs were looking like they were in a good spot, you turned on your oven and put it very low, just enough to keep food warm, helping it along with a little huff of your flames before setting the pan of cooked egg into it.

You then grabbed out two more large pans, two burners this time, and started to heat them up, moving back to your fridge, grabbing out pack after pack of bacon and breakfast sausage, setting them into their respective pans. As you let them sizzle you easily slid over and grabbed out five four slice toasters, plugging them in and setting slices of homemade sourdough bread into each slot, easily burning through a loaf, sending them down with a click. You rolled over to the pans with popping and browning breakfast meats, reaching to the side and sprinkling brown sugar over the bacon, letting it set in and cook with it. When they were both done, you opened the oven again and slid both of them into it, on the top rack. You had one more rack left to keep food warm, which made you think, should you make more?

You mulled it over, closing the oven up and looking around your kitchen, eyes landing on your massive box of quick grits. You grinned and grabbed out your other four burner pan, getting right to work, quickly boiling water, adding milk, butter and the grits as needed. You let that bubble and simmer, stirring constantly to make sure none of it stuck to the bottom or sides.

When it was ready, you heard all of the toasters pop up in a line, making you smile. You grabbed the grits and slid them into the oven as well, closing it, turning off the stove, and going back to the toast. You grabbed out a large plate, a new stick of butter, and a butter spreader. The butter was solid and cold, so you held it in your hands, gently warning them up, just enough to soften it. You got right to work, grabbing out each piece of toast, buttering it and adding it to your ever-growing stack. When all of the toast was buttered, you sliced the stack down the middle, setting it up in smaller stacks along the plate, setting it up on the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room, where you’d put the rest of the food when the pirates were awake, which would be soon. You knew that cook couldn’t stay asleep too long.

Next you opened your fridge and grabbed out an armful of fruit, setting it onto the counter before grabbing your favorite fruit knife and a large cutting board you’d also use to serve the fruit up on. You made quick work of the variety if fruits in front of you. You wanted to make sure the pirates got plenty of vitamins, always wary of scurvy. You sliced up Mango, oranges, melons, bananas and your island’s native fruit. No one really had a set name for it, but it tasted like if pineapples and peaches had a baby, but it looks like a cantaloupe that grows in a tree.

After the fruit was all prepared, you set it up onto the counter, turning back to your fridge and grabbing out your pitchers of orange juice and milk, setting them up as well all alongside cups, and plates with forks and spoons, none of which matched, of course. You sighed, taking in your work with a nod before taking out the food from the oven, switching it off. You looked at the clock on your mantle in the living room and sighed, why aren’t they up yet?

Frowning, you thought it over but relented to your impatience, not wanting the food to get cold. You grabbed out a wooden spoon and moved to the side of your fridge, looking right down the hallway, “WAKE UP! BREAKFAST TIME! EAT IT NOW OR GO HUNGRY!” you shouted at the top of your lungs, smacking the spoon against the side of your fridge with a smile.

You heard thumps and muttering in the rooms with the Straw-Hats, content that they were awake, so you put back your spoon and got to work washing the dishes in the sink. You heard two sets of feet eagerly sprinting down the short hallway, Zoro and Sanji being the first ones in the kitchen, bickering the whole way, “Eat up, boys. Take as much as you want.” You said, jerking your head over to the large spread of food.

“Don’t have to tell me twice, Luffy’s not up yet.” Zoro muttered, rushing to fill his plate with a little bit of everything.

Sanji looked over the spread with intrigue, “How many eggs did you use?” he asked, noting the massive portion.

You shrugged, laying the last dish on the drying rack, turning to the cook, drying off your hands with your towel, “Just two. No biggie.”

Sanji’s brain short circuited for a moment, eyes flitting between you and the fluffy eggs, “Two? How?”

You chuckled at the blond’s exasperated face, “We have giant animals on this island, remember? I talked about it during the tour. I was going to show you mine, but the sandstorm kicked that plan to the curb.” You explained, opening your fridge up and pointing to your one remaining egg, easily double the size of an ostrich egg. “I own three six-foot-tall chickens you can ride, and my neighbor has two cows the size of my house, and we’re famous for our massive wild boars! They’re huge and really mean, they’re a pain in the ass to kill, but they’re damned tasty. All that bacon and sausage wasn’t even a fraction of what came from that pig.”

Sanji’s mind whirred with possibilities, ‘That might keep up with Luffy’s massive appetite.’  He thought, obliging as you ushered him to go and eat.

Nami came in next, ready for the day, but still bleary eyed and half awake. You laughed quietly at her predicament, “Should I put on a pot of coffee?” the ginger nodded, yawning as she went to fix herself a plate.

“Damn, this looks good.” She muttered, piling her plate high. You shook your head and turned to make a quick pot of coffee, “Got any sugar for the grits?” she asked.

You nodded, grabbing two cannisters from the side of the stove, resting them on a small sliver of space you found on the counter, “This one’s white sugar, this one’s brown sugar.” You showed her, opening and closing each before turning back to your work on the coffee.

Usopp, Robin, and Chopper all filed in next, stretching and yawning. They all grabbed their plates and ushered themselves to their previously claimed seats in your living room. You glanced into the room with a smile, a warm feeling settling in your chest at having a full house again, even if it’s smaller than before. “Who wants coffee?” you chimed, noting all of their hands raised besides Chopper and nodded, “Do you think Luffy will want any?” the whole crew shook their head with quiet giggles. You took that in with a smile, grabbing out five mugs out of the cabinet, filling each with the hot coffee, leaving a bit of room for cream and sugar in each, just in case. You grabbed three in one hand and two in the other, putting them onto the coffee table with a smile before rushing back to the fridge to grab out a small pitcher of cream and your canister of sugar, setting them by the mugs.

A chorus of thank you’s and happy sighs resounded around you. “Aren’t you eating?” Robin asked, adding a spoon of sugar into her mug.

“Yeah!” you exclaimed, looking around you, “I’m just used to making sure everyone else has their plates before I do.”

Zoro snorted a laugh, biting into a sausage link, “You better cut that out with Luffy around.” He snickered. “That man could eat a whole fleet of ships and ask for ice cream after.”

The crew all snickered and giggled in agreement, Nami urging you to grab yourself a plate, “He’ll grab his soon.”

So, you got to work, piling your plate with all of your favorites, fixing up your grits and grabbing a glass and filling it with orange juice before joining Nami again on the loveseat. Right as you started to tuck in, the sound of a slow patter of feet brought all of your attention back to the kitchen. Luffy was awake.

His eyes scanned the large expanse of food in front of him, just going ahead and devouring the food that was left at the counter, making you laugh a bit. Luffy didn’t notice or care, digging into the feast with sparkles in his eyes.

“That’s what he’s usually like.” Nami whispered in your ear.

Sanji scowled, “Aren’t you going to say thank you for breakfast?” he barked, making the captain pause, swallowing the mouthful he was working on.

“Thank you, Sanji! It’s really good. You should make breakfast like this more often; I don’t know what you did different.” He chimed, digging right back into his food.

Sanji went to correct him, but you stopped him, frantically waving at him, ‘NO!’ ‘LEAVE IT!’ ‘IT’S OKAY!’

Sanji frowned deeper and shook his head, calling out to his captain, surely this would make him like you a bit, maybe help him loosen up around you, “I can’t take any credit.”

“Shut up, Sanji!” you hissed quietly, your face heating up in embarrassment, and you tried to hide your face in your hat, holding your hands over your face, your plate in your lap.

“Our beautiful host got up early and made all of this.” He said resolutely, taking another bite of the delicious food with a smile.

Luffy paused, eyes darting to where you hid, Nami trying to reassure you, and set his jaw. Of course you could cook. Of course, Luffy liked it. ‘Of course.’ He thought bitterly, resuming his eating with a frown, swearing it tasted a bit sour now that he knew.

Zoro reached over and kicked Sanji’s foot, and when the blond whirled on him, Zoro just pointed expectantly at you and Luffy, you were just coming out of your hiding place with a frown, and Luffy who was eating with a scowl. Sanji couldn’t help but feel like he deserved the kick this time, even if he was only trying to help, he thought with a wince.

“It is very good,” Robin chimed.

Chopper nodded in her lap, “Uh-huh! It’s real tasty.”

The rest of the crew offered their agreement, even if it made their captain’s eye twitch. “You guys are just being nice.” You muttered, taking a sip of your orange juice.

Nami was about to deny your statement, but she was interrupted, “Probably are.” Luffy muttered lowly, taking a swig of milk straight from the pitcher.

You shrank in your seat, no longer hungry.

“Monkey D. Luffy.” Robin set her now empty mug onto your side table with an audible thump. “You are out of line.”

“You’re being a dick.” Zoro grumbled, taking the last few bites of his food.

The other Straw-Hats nodded, but you shook your head, “It’s oka-“

“It’s not okay.” Robin chastised you before whirling back to Luffy with a stern look, “We let you have your time yesterday, but we will not allow you to treat your crew so poorly.” Luffy scrunched his brows together, and Robin noticed her slip. The other Straw-Hats tensed up a bit, eyes flitting between Robin and their captain, “She’s coming with us.”

“What do yo-“

“She’s going to be part of the crew, frankly whether you like it or not, because I intend on taking her onto the Thousand Sunny and keeping her safe, hell or high water.” Robin held her captain’s gaze with cool, calm control. “So, either get with it, or get over it. You’re too old and too good of a person to be a bully.”

Luffy puffed up like a bird, anger coursing through him, he wasn’t a bully. He wasn’t mean. You just…You were the worst. Every time he looked at you a pang of sadness, rage, or regret coursed through him at full force. You pissed him off. You got under his skin, burrowing deep, making him scratch and dig to get you out.

You rose to your feet, clattering your plate onto the coffee table, bits of your food scattering along the wood. Luffy couldn’t see your eyes beneath the brim of your hat, but he could see your mouth pinched in a wince, a stream of tears coming down your face. You clenched your fists and rushed past Luffy, and he heard you sniffle as you passed him by before you whirled into your room, slamming the door behind you.

‘Shit.’ Luffy didn’t like you, sure, but he didn’t want to make you cry. The thought that he had made his teeth grit, and he slammed his face into his hands with a groan of anguish. Luffy was acting weird. Even he knew it.

“Luffy.” Came Robin’s level anger, and all he could muster was a hum of acknowledgement, “I need you to understand something. This woman showed us around her island, gave us shelter, food, water, she let Nami sleep in her own bed. She has been nothing but kind and has been wringing herself into knots worrying about making you upset, making excuse after excuse for your behavior.” She went on, setting Chopper and her plate aside, walking to be at the opposite side of the counter from him, “Did you know today is her brother’s birthday? Did you know today is the anniversary of her entire pirate crew being slaughtered by Marines? Her entire nakama gone! Just like that! Did you know she has no one else? She was still holding onto hope that she’d find Ace because he was the only person in her life she had left, only to find out he’d been dead for two years.”

Luffy flinched at every word, shame pouring over him, “She’s possibly the only person who could understand exactly how you feel and you’re lashing out at her!” Robin’s voice lowered dangerously as she continued, “Her brother died in her arms after saving her life, killed by a Marine Admiral. When she got me alone, one of the first things she asked me is if Ace died smiling. Did you know all three of them promised that’s how they’d go? Do you realize she’s the only one left?”

Luffy’s eyes watered into his palms, the pain of being the only one left wracking a sob through him. The Straw-Hats sucked in gasps as they heard his quiet cries. “I didn’t know.” He cried, over and over again he muttered through his tears, “I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know.” Robin moved around the counter and took him into a tight hug.

“You didn’t know,” Robin whispered as he started to calm down, “but now you do.”

Luffy’s breath caught. She was right. Luffy still held a sour taste in his mouth when he thought about you, but he knew what the right thing was to do. He had to apologize. He had to apologize and change his behavior. He was being mean.

Luffy lifted his head from Robin’s shoulder and nodded, wiping his face with is hands. “I gotta apologize.” He mumbled, turning to walk down your hallway.

“It’ll be okay.” Robin called after him, her brows knit with worry, but she returned to her crew, sitting back down with Chopper.

Luffy stood in front of your doorway, hand raised to knock, but that’s when he heard you. You were still crying, sobbing in your room. Because of Luffy.

‘Fuck.’

Luffy fought through the pull of fear in his chest, racking his knuckles against the maroon painted door. God, nothing in your house matched. Even your doors were different colors.

“Go away.” You muttered, muffled by the door. “I’m crying and it’s not pretty!”

Luffy flinched a bit, but tried the door handle, finding it turning readily. He pushed the door open slowly, trying not to startle you. You were in your bed, to the left of the door, back to Luffy. For once, your hat was on your nightstand. Your shoulders shook with your small cries, and even from behind, Luffy could tell you were holding onto something.

“Go away, Luffy.” You muttered, curling deeper into yourself.

“How did you know it was me?”

“You’re lighter on your feet than the rest.” Luffy blinked back a bit of shock and closed your door, creeping up to you quietly. Luffy hesitated, but he sat on your bed at your feet, his back to yours. “What do you want?” you whispered, the saddest little question he had ever heard, and Luffy swore it felt like a kick to the balls, knocking his breath out of him.

“I-I need to apologize.” He stammered, fiddling with the strings of his hat under his chin. “I’ve been mean.”

You sniffled, but sat up, sitting perpendicular to Luffy, and he saw what you held in your hands. It was another picture. This one was just of you and your brother, sly smiles as you tried to pose formally. You wore a white suit, with vest and gloves and hat, the full shebang, and your brother wore a sparkling red gown, glamorous makeup on and his short hair gelled into finger waves, and in the background Luffy could see a Marine ball.

“He was my best friend, you know?” you whispered, thumb stroking your brother’s face, “He and my uncle were my only family, then when I was five, and he was seven, he started talking about sailing the seas, the two of us with a band of misfits and orphans. We’d make our own family, with our own rules, and we’d be infamous.” You told the story with a melancholy smile, “We both stumbled onto our devil fruits one day and ate them immediately. We trained any second we got between chores, staying up until the sun rose just practicing. The second he saved up enough Berry for a proper ship, we only set foot on land for my uncle’s birthday, then his funeral and to get supplies. We racked up a large crew as we hit island after island. Then we started targeting Marines. We’d always hated those fuckers, and suddenly we could do something about it.” You said with a shrug. “The bounties started pouring in, mine and his climbing higher and higher than we ever expected, but we stayed on course. We knew what we wanted. We wanted to sail together and take out as many marines as we could on the way. They suppressed stories about us in the newspapers, because they didn’t want people seeing some small fry pirate crew with a triple digit kill count.”

Luffy’s eyebrows shot up in shock, “Holy shit.”

You smirked, a little glint in your eye, “We were a pretty formidable little crew. We anchored just short of the Grand Line and set up lights and music, I made a damned feast all for my brother. It was his eighteenth birthday. We did all of that before we were even adults.” You said with a grin spreading across your face. It dropped when you started talking again, “I was giving a little speech when the first cannonball hit. We didn’t know what hit us. We all got into battle stations, but they had a fleet. We stood our ground and my crew died with honor. I convinced my brother to play dead with me, we’d either get out alive or we’d have a better chance to ambush any attackers. It wasn’t hard, we were both so damned beat up. I didn’t know why, but he insisted on laying half on top of me, for realism he said. Bullshit. We both froze and pretended to be corpses as that damned Admiral came down into the guts of the ship, he was stabbing bodies through the heart to make sure they were dead.” Your expression curled into a snarl, “When he got to us, I was waiting on my brother’s cue, he needed to hop up first then I’d pop up and go crazy. He didn’t. He laid perfectly still as that sword ran him through, I just had to not flinch as it dug into my stomach a bit,” you said, pointing to your exposed stomach, a scar to the right, “I held still, I couldn’t let the Admiral know we were alive! When he left, I tried to stop the bleeding, but it would’ve never worked. He was dying. I cried and tried not to scream, and he just smiled, cracking jokes.” You scoffed, “Jokes! He made me promise to get out alive, to move on, to live my life and take down as many Marines as I could in the process.” You said, setting your jaw, glaring a hole through the picture in your hand. “He died smiling, and the Marines lit the ship on fire and left it to sink to the bottom of the sea. I took a dinghy that was left, a bit of food and some water and just rowed my way in one direction until I found an island, boat hopping my way back here. I was the only survivor, but since that Admiral had ‘checked’, everyone thought I was dead. Everyone was spooked as hell when I came home. I’ve been here, laying low between attacks on the Marines ever since.”

Luffy swallowed the lump in his throat, “Ace died taking a hit for me. An Admiral tried to ambush me, he had a magma fruit, and Ace stepped in. Punched him right through the chest. He died right there in my arms, and he did that shit too. He died smiling.” Luffy muttered, fighting back tears.

“He was a great man.” You muttered, shifting to sit next to Luffy properly, your legs dangling off the edge of the bed next to each other. “He really did talk about you all the time. You and Sabo.” You said, nudging Luffy’s knee with yours, “He-“ you huffed out a laugh, “he was convinced that you and I would fall in love, get married, the whole shebang. He even picked out names for our three kids.” You giggled.

Luffy flushed a bit, “He did not.”

“He did!” you insisted, counting off on your fingers, “Ruby Anne, River Lee, and Rocky Viper” you snickered, “He insisted he’d be their god father and that he’d spoil them all rotten. He came up with entire life plans for them after a while.”

Luffy found himself letting out a wheeze of a laugh, “What the hell?”

You nodded, “He was convinced they’d all be pirate captains, and that Ruby would take over for you when you got old as King. He always said she was the only responsible one. Said she took after me.” You chuckled at the memories. “He’d scold me for doing stupid stuff by saying stuff like, ‘Is this a story you want River to hear?’ or ‘Ruby’s gonna make fun of you for that in like thirty years!’.” You exclaimed, a poor imitation of Ace’s voice.

Luffy couldn’t drop the questions whispering at the back of his skull, “I still don’t know why he never talked about you.” You both frowned.

“I don’t either.”

Robin settled further into her seat with a sigh, the letter burning a hole in her pocket. Finally having enough, she ushered Chopper off of her lap and excused herself to the restroom, locking the door behind her. She turned on the tap for a moment so she could rip open the adhesive. Robin knew this was invasive, wrong, rude even, but she had to read it before she let her captain have it. She couldn’t risk another blow up in this tender transition period.

She hopped up and sat on the counter, taking the papers out of the envelope and began to skim over the handwritten words. It was a letter from Ace, alright. It said something about how he was glad that Luffy had found you, that he always knew you’d come together on your own. He apologized for hiding this part of his life from Luffy, and the explanation made Robin sigh in disappointment. ‘Men.’

It went on to detail some of Ace’s adventures with you and your brother, it insisted that Luffy was going to love you both, laying it on thick that you were Luffy’s age, and that you could cook.

Robin found nothing offensive in the letter, so she sighed in relief and folded the letter back up, going to stick the letter back in the envelope when she noticed something inside. She shook out the little square and held it up, an exasperated groan ripping out of her. It was a picture of you, it was from behind, you were in a small bikini, sitting on a dock, talking to someone out of frame as you put up your hair, it was longer back then. The sun was setting behind you and it frankly was a beautiful photo of you, but the note at the bottom made her glower, “She’s perfect for you, lil dude!”. Then Robin noticed the side boob and the way you could see most of your ass.

“She was a teenager!” Robin hissed, shaking the photo in her hand, but she relented, slotting the picture and the letter into the envelope, sticking the tongue of the envelope into its opening, slipping it back into her pocket.

‘MEN!’

[gloomwitchwrites]

Snowberries & Wolf Teeth

Vilkas x Farkas x Female Reader

Content & Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content, kissing, F/M/M, brief mentions of Vilkas & Farkas’ beast forms, oral sex (female & male receiving), vaginal fingering, unprotected piv (wrap it up irl), multiple creampie, breeding, multiple positions, possessive behavior, alcohol, brief aftercare

Word Count: 3.4k

At the New Life Festival during Evening Star, the Wolf Twins make their claim on you.

ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // winter 2023 masterlist

Whiterun is bathed in luminous light.

Masser and Secunda are large in the night sky. Along with the two moons is an aurora of blue and green which only adds to the lights of the festival. Makeshift lamps line the streets of Whiterun. From them hang wreaths made of pine and snowberries. It’s true winter now. There is an intense chill in the air, and many within Whiterun predict that the first snowfall of the year will arrive any day.

Tonight, the citizens of Whiterun celebrate the New Light Festival. Typically, one of the major cities across Skyrim host the festival, especially where the Empire has a firm hold. Solitude is the most popular place to hold it, and while you’ve only been to the city a few times in your life, you’ve never gone during the New Light Festival.

This year, Whiterun is celebrating on its own, and the Companions are graciously allowing the festivities to be held in their mead hall, Jorrvaskr. You’ve been inside before, mostly to make an excuse to talk to Farkas or Vilkas. They both shower you with affection, and neither seems upset that the other chases after you. Sometimes, they actively pursue you together.

Will you eventually have to choose? Or are they willing to share? Is that even an acceptable outcome for either of them?

You move with the growing crowd toward Jorrvaskr. The large double doors are wide open, and from within the mead hall comes music and the rich scent of roasting meat. Many people linger around the Gildergreen or on the steps outside Jorrvaskr. Everyone is dressed in festive attire and groups of children chase each other, weaving through the crowd, giggling as they go.

As you enter Jorrvaskr, you’re immediately hit with a wall of warmth. Below, the firepit is blazing. Over it is roasting venison, chicken, and duck. Several members of the Companions stand around it, keeping an eye on the roasting meat. The doors to the courtyard are also open and the crowd spills out toward the Skyforge.

You walk along the interior wall of the mead hall, heading for the large barrels that contain mead. When you take your first sip, your body immediately warms from the bite of the alcohol. After grabbing a drink, you head for the sweets, selecting a tart to snack on while you wait for some of the meat to come off the fire.

The tart is coated with dusting sugar and syrup. It sticks to your fingers, and you’re constantly sucking on them to try and consume every sugary morsal.

From the back doors that lead out into the courtyard, you notice couples dancing. You smile, watching them move together in unison, chewing slowly on the tart as you watch them.

“Are you wanting to dance?”

You jump at the voice in your ear. Turning sharply, you laugh aloud as you realize who it is.

“You startled me, Vilkas.”

“My apologies,” he replies, retreating slightly.

While he wears his signature wolf armor, it’s all clean and polished to an immaculate shine. Over his right shoulder hangs a cloak of black. His black hair is slicked back and styled nicely. Vilkas is dressed for the occasion. He’s always been handsome to you, but this only highlights how attractive he is.

“Would you still like a dance?” he asks, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Could I have several?” you tease, delicately licking some of the sugary power off your thumb.

“As many as you wish,” he agrees, reaching out to snag your wrist. Vilkas brings your hand to his mouth, and he licks up a stray drop of syrup.

You finish the tart and mead quickly, handing off the empty mug to be cleaned. Then you slide your hand in Vilkas’, the two of you heading for the dancers. While a warrior, Vilkas does not step on your feet or mess up. He knows all the traditional dances of Skyrim, leading you through them so naturally it’s startling.

By the end of the third dance, you’re clutching your chest, a little winded but happy. His face is slightly flushed but he’s grinning widely, and you desperately wish to kiss him.

“A drink?” asks Vilkas, offering his hand.

“Please.” You slide your hand into his, and Vilkas escorts you to the doors of the mead hall.

With drinks in hand, you and Vilkas head for a quiet corner away from everyone else. You lean against the wall and Vilkas stands with his back to the room, creating a private cocoon. It’s intimate, and the closeness brings heat to your cheeks that quickly radiates outward to your limbs.

“I’ve been looking for the two of you.”

Farkas appears from behind Vilkas. He stands to Vilkas’ left, adding an extension to the cocoon. He is dressed nearly identical to Vilkas, except his hair which is loose and wild around his head. Farkas grins and you instantly melt.

Maybe it’s the mead, but you have a distinct feeling that cannot be the case. They always make every part of you tingle, usually in the most secret places, and this stepping around what you really want is starting to eat away at you. You want them, and you might as well go for it.

“It’s a little loud in here,” you reply. “Is there somewhere else we could go?” You purposefully lean into Vilkas while placing your hand on Farkas’ chest.

They both perk up. At first, they’re slightly confused, but they both realize exactly what you mean rather quickly. Vilkas’ grin is knowing and sultry, but Farkas blushes hard as he suddenly understands what you’re implying.

“This way,” nods Vilkas in the direction of the nearest set of stairs. They lead downward toward Jorrvaskr’s living quarters.

Glancing over his shoulder, Vilkas observes the room before placing his hand on your upper arm to steer you toward the stairs. Farkas follows too, creating a buffer so no one notices that you’re pressed in between them.

As Vilkas approaches the door, he places a hand against the wood, pushing it open enough for you to slip inside first. Farkas follows behind, and then Vilkas steps in behind his brother. When the door is in place, it completely shuts out the noise from the party.

It’s incredibly quiet down here. So much so that it takes a moment for you to realize that the three of you are not entirely alone. From the doorway in front of you leading into a sleeping area, you distinctly hear low moans of pleasure and the slap of skin against skin.

You step back and bump into Vilkas. His hand is on your waist, sliding over your lower back to eagerly grip your hip.

“Is that what you’re wanting? With us?” he whispers against your ear.

Yes. You’ve wanted it for weeks now.

“Is that okay?” you respond, wanting to make sure that they both agree to this.

Vilkas glances at his brother and Farkas nods in agreement. “We accept this.”

“Oh,” is all you say, as the couple just across the hall grow louder in volume.

Are you surprised by this? Not really, and yet you are. Did you fear rejection or even disinterest? Yes, but even that seems false. What reason have either of them given to make you suspect that they didn’t want you?

Vilkas’ hand on your waist is an anchor. His fingers dig into your hip as he pushes forward, guiding you away and down the hall. Farkas stands close enough that his arm brushes against yours, but he does not put his hands on you. It isn’t until the three of you turn down a short hall and enter a small bedroom that Farkas reaches out to touch.

Their hands are everywhere the moment the door to the little bedroom is shut. Vilkas is grabbing at your hips and waist, pulling you toward him while Farkas lightly tugs on your hair, arching your neck, exposing your throat for his mouth to place kisses on. Farkas begins at the hollow of your throat and works upward until he finds your lips.

The kiss is deep. Blistering. A demand.

When he breaks away, you’re breathless, wanting more of him. But Vilkas fills that void, nipping at your bottom lip before pulling you in to discover your taste. While Vilkas learns your mouth, Farkas’s hands roam over your back and sides, eventually settling on the curve of your ass. He squeezes through the fabric, and then gives it a light slap that causes your hips to jerk forward and into Vilkas.

Vilkas breaks away and laughs softly, one hand reaching up to unclasp the cloak hanging over his shoulder. He gently tosses it onto a nearby stool. Farkas follows suit, the two of them slowly undoing hooks and clasps to loosen their armor.

“Which part should we remove from you first?” asks Vilkas in a sultry purr. His gaze roams over your body, and his heated gaze leaves you feeling exposed.

“Everything should go,” answers Farkas as he reaches up to play with the adornments of threaded dried snowberries in your hair. “But these should stay. I like them.”

Vilkas nods. “I agree.” His chest plate falls away and he sets it down near the door.

The two of them are taking their time, watching you watch them. It’s a drawn-out dance. An anticipation.

When Farkas’ hands fall on your shoulders, you nearly jump in surprise. But he is entirely gentle when those fingers slip under the fabric to push it over and down your shoulders. Your dress surrenders to him, stopping briefly at your hips before completely falling to the floor at your feet. You are just as bare as they are.

The moment your nakedness is revealed, Vilkas’ nostrils flare like he’s inhaling your scent. His hands, which are at his sides, clench and unclench. All the while, Farkas’ hands are on your body, touching and caressing in soft strokes that chip away at your autonomy. They make you compliant and weak. Leaning back against him, you admire Vilkas’ muscled form.

He stalks forward, and every muscle ripples as he walks. When he’s close enough you reach out to touch him at the same moment he touches you. There is a hand around your throat, but you’re not sure which one it is.

Vilkas’ head tilts downward, his nose brushing your cheek as his lips meet yours. The sound he makes in his throat is low and feral. Hungry. Everything is tense, and the hands that touch you only tighten as if you’ll try to dart away like a frightened doe.

But you won’t run. Not from them.

Vilkas breaks the kiss and cups the sides your face in both of his hands. Those pale eyes of his are piercing, serrated and sharp like a blade. “Do you want this? Like we want this?” His gaze darts over your face, seeking confirmation.

You nod. “Yes. Please. I want—need, the both of you.”

Farkas’ hand slides over your stomach and between your legs. You gasp when his fingers run through your slickness. Using his index and middle finger, he parts your sex, and the moment he does, the two of them close their eyes, inhaling deeply.

There is something deeply primal about what they’ve just done. When they open their eyes there are small swirls of yellow there that weren’t there before. Vilkas’ lips part slightly, and you notice a sharpness to his canines.

“On the bed,” he murmurs. “Legs open.”

Farkas relinquishes his hold on you but Vilkas is right there, walking with you, sliding his hands up your legs once you fall back onto the bed and open them wide. His hovers between them only a moment before his head dips and his tongue slides over your sex.

It is a shock of sensation, one that ripples up to the crown of your head and to the tips of your toes. Vilkas feasts, alternating between licking, sucking, and kissing, seeking out what will make you come undone.

The bed dips near your head. Farkas is there, his hand sliding under your head to tangle in your hair. He is careful of the adornments, guiding you up onto your elbows. You know what he wants, and you obediently open your mouth, presenting your mouth to him.

He groans, and rubs the head of his cock on your tongue before you close around him. Vilkas swirls his tongue around your clit at the same moment you swirl your tongue around the head of Farkas’ cock. Your pussy clenches, relaxes, and then Vilkas slides a finger inside of you to the knuckle.

Vilkas pumps in time with the movement of his tongue while your head bobs up and down Farkas’ cock. Farkas’ hold on the back of your head is strong but not domineering. He isn’t controlling this. He’s allowing you to take charge.

Vilkas sucks your clit into his mouth and you moan around Farkas’ cock, the muscles in your thighs tightening, wanting to close around Vilkas’ head. He sucks again and Farkas’ cock pops from your mouth. Your hand goes out to grasp the base but it’s more to settle you than him. Vilkas has found that rhythm, and he is working you quickly toward an end.

He sucks again. Swirls his tongue. Then you’re sinking into yourself as the orgasm bubbles up and consumes you. The room you’re in grows a bit distant, and then it all comes hurtling forward as Vilkas continues to tease your clit with his tongue.

Your back aches off the bed, and someone’s hand is around your throat, guiding you to a seated position as Vilkas pushes up from between your legs, one hand still moving casually between them.

“Do you want me here?” he asks slowly, pumping his finger in and out of your pussy. “Or would you like me here?” Removing his fingers, he presses the sticky tips to your lips, dragging them across your flesh, leaving a glossy trail behind.

Your lips part and Vilkas takes that as an answer. With their hands on you, you don’t need to move. They guide you into position. Vilkas reclines in the bed, back against the headboard while you go onto your hands and knees between his legs.

Farkas settles on the bed behind you, his hands rubbing up and down your back before going to your hips, easing them up slightly for a better angle. You wrap your hand around the base of Vilkas’ cock at the same moment Farkas presses down a bit, arching your back, forcing your legs to slide open.

You pump Vilkas a few times before leaning in to kiss the tip. A pearly bead of precum blooms in the slit, and you eagerly lick it up with the tip of your tongue. Another blooms in its place, and you swirl your tongue around the flared head before licking the entire length of from base to tip.

Behind you, Farkas lines himself up, the head of his cock catching on your entrance, easing slowly inch by inch. He’s gentle, rolling his hips in light, shallow thrusts that allow your body to acclimate to him. A few more strokes and Farkas slides home to the hilt.

You’re full. Stretched. Filthy and feral.

You take the head of Vilkas’ cock into your mouth, holding him there while the salvia collects. Then, you swallow him down, your lips touching your hand as Farkas retreats before thrusting forward.

Hollowing your cheeks, you slide back up, and then repeat the process, bringing in your hand to pump him in time with your upward passes. Farkas moves one hand to your waist while the other stays on your hip, his pelvis slapping against your ass with each thrust.

Farkas thrusts. Grinds his hips forward. Hold there a moment. “Shall we make her ours?” he asks. You cannot see his face but you can see Vilkas. The corner of his mouth twitching until it pulls into a full smile.

“Haven’t we?” he replies, one eyebrow arching.

“She needs our marks.” You feel Farkas’s hand slide upward to clutch the back of your neck. He pulls you off Vilkas’ cock, bringing you flush against his chest. His other hand slides forward to cradle your stomach. “And our whelp, too.”

Vilkas’ grows burning hot. The swirling yellow intensifies. “And what does she say to this?” His head tilts to the side slightly, appraising you.

You’re still pressed against Farkas, his cock buried deep within you. “I want the both of you. In all ways.”

Farkas’ pleased groan against your throat goes straight to your pussy. You clench around him and his fingers reflexively dig into your skin.

“Give her to me, Farkas.”

The loss of Farkas’ cock is immediate. He draws away just as Vilkas sits up entirely and pulls you into his lap, turning you around to lay back against him. Vilkas’ hands slide forward to the backs of your thighs and then hook under your knees. He draws them to your chest and Farkas is already moving, returning to your body easily. Farkas places one hand against the wall above Vilkas while the other presses into your hip. You’re trapped between them, and the sensation is lovely.

You’re entirely at their mercy, and it feels good. It feels right.

Farkas uses the leverage of the wall to set a pounding rhythm that shakes the bed. You rest your head against Vilkas’ shoulder and surrender to them.

But Vilkas is not idle.

He adjusts his grip on one of your knees enough that he can reach between you and Farkas’ bodies to rub your clit. You’re already sensitive from when his tongue was on you, and a few well-placed strokes have you clenching around Farkas.

Farkas groans, hips slamming forward as he finishes. His chest heaves but he doesn’t immediately pull out. Instead, the hand on your hip disappears to grab the lower-half of your face. He draws you to him enough that he can lean down and kiss you.

“It’s my brother’s turn,” he murmurs against your mouth.

Farkas draws back, and then Vilkas is lifting you into his lap, lining himself up to sink inside. Your groan loudly, toes curling as he settles to the hilt. There is nothing left for you to do but hold on as he guides you up and down his cock.

“Touch yourself.”

Sighing, you slide your hand between your spread legs to work yourself. Each thrust and every stroke of your hand sends a little tremor through your legs. Vilkas makes a sound deep in his throat as he nuzzles your neck. He continues to rock his hips, upping the rhythm of his thrusts until your breath comes in short gasps of pleasure. Your eyes begin to close, eyelids fluttering with every tingle in your clit.

“You’re ours,” murmurs Vilkas against your flesh. “Ours.” On that final word, he growls, and holds you in place as he thrusts up into you.

His grunts and your groans fill the room. It isn’t until you come down from an orgasm that you realize that Vilkas is done, merely waiting for you to join them in reality. Every bit of you is sore and the dried bead-like snowberries in your hair clack together as Vilkas helps you out of his lap.

Farkas is right there with a damp cloth, sliding it between your legs to wipe away the stickiness. His movements are slow, and once he’s done, Vilkas is pulling you into his arms, snuggling down into the furs. Farkas slides in on your other side, their bodies intertwining with yours, creating a nest of limbs.

Their bodies are warm like a fire in a hearth. There is an arm around your waist, on your hip, cupping a breast. They settle into rest, but do not sleep. You are the one who drifts, and it is they that coax you back when their need for you grows too great.

If morning comes, you are not aware. And if night follows, you are unaware of that. You are aware of their tongues and teeth. You are aware of how they pass you between them, keeping you full and perfectly pliant to their every demand.

“We’re never letting you go, sweet one,” murmurs Vilkas before he sucks a nipple into his mouth.

Farkas’ hand slides to the front of your throat, pulling you back until you’re looking at him. “Never.”

taglist:

@glassgulls @km-ffluv @singleteapot @tiredmetalenthusiast @childofyuggoth @coffeecaketornado @wrathofcats @ninman82

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Hey guys! I wanted to put together a list of low spoons foods, and thought you might enjoy it. My primary objective was to come up with a list that requires little to no prep, is relatively inexpensive, and has a fairly long shelf life. There's also a few of my favorite simple recipes at the end. Bon apatite!

Proteins: Tuna/Canned chicken: Canned tuna/chicken can usually last a few years, and you can get it for a dollar or two, sometimes cheaper. It can be cooked easily in a skillet, eaten raw, or added to soups/pasta. Mix with some mayo for a quick tuna or chicken salad that goes well on bread, tortillas, or crackers. You can add raisins or cheese for a little extra variety as well! Breakfast sausage: A lot of meats are really scary to cook with, but I've come to the conclusion that breakfast sausage is designed for people with that groggy, zombie-like morning brain, so it's fairly simple; just pop it on a plate (usually with a paper towel to catch the grease) and toss it in the microwave. You can get it as links or patties, and if you're like me where foods with a hint of flavor are unreasonably spicy, there's a maple variety that's sweet rather than spiced. Deli meats: There's no rule against buying a package of pre-sliced ham, turkey, roast beef or even bologna that's designed for sandwiches and instead just snacking on it when you need some protein, or just serving it on the side with your meal. If it feels weird to just eat sliced deli meat and you've got the time and energy, get some sliced cheese as well, cut them into squares with a butter knife, and eat them with crackers for DIY lunchables. Peanut Butter: Peanut butter is an excellent source of protein, and you can eat it on bread, crackers, tortillas, celery, pancakes, or even just on its own on a spoon! If you don't like the texture, you can mix it into something else like oatmeal, sauces, or pancake batter. If you don't like the flavor, try it with a little cinnamon sugar (put cinnamon and sugar in a jar or shaker and shake it until incorporated.) If you've got a peanut allergy, alternative butters are good too, but often separate if you leave them out for too long, but are much better in baking than on their own. Eggs: Making eggs is hard sometimes, but you can boil a bunch in advance and leave them in the fridge for when you need them (not too many or for too long, though.) Just put them in water and bring it to a boil; once the eggs start to float, leave them there for ten minutes. Once they're done, drain them and leave them in cold water for ten minutes to cool. Either peel in advance if you've got the time, or peel as needed. Store in an airtight container in the fridge.

Dairy: Sliced Cheese: Just like with deli meats above, you can get sliced cheese to chomp on when you need a little boost. There's a lot of flavors to choose from! Shredded Cheese: Shredded cheese is great for sprinkling onto your meals or just snacking on handfuls of. You can also throw some onto some tortilla chips and pop 'em in the microwave for ~30 seconds to make quick, cheap nachos. Cheese sticks: Not a fan of eating slices or shreds of cheese? Cheese sticks are much more snackable and can be eaten on the go! Yogurt: You can eat it as is, or you can mix in frozen fruits and honey to create an almost ice-cream like treat! Chocolate Milk: A carton of chocolate milk that you are going to drink is better for you than a carton of regular milk that is going to go bad because you can't bring yourself to drink it. If you're like me and milk leaves a weird taste in your mouth, try following it with water or finishing the milk before you finish the rest of your meal. Cream Cheese: You can put this stuff on anything, guys. Bagels? Crackers? Toast? English Muffins? Tortillas? Regular muffins? Cookies, even? Go crazy! Cottage cheese: A lot of people like cottage cheese for salads or with peaches, but it can also be tasty on its own.

Grains: Crackers: You can eat them as is, you can add cream cheese, nutella, peanut butter, tuna salad, deli meats and cheeses, or you could dip them in a spread like hummus, guac, or ranch. Tortillas: Sometimes bread can be Scary and Evil and there's no way you're gonna eat a whole loaf before it goes bad. I get it. Tortillas last longer, they're a better texture, and it's only eight servings per bag. Use them whenever you'd make a sandwich- pb&j, ham & cheese, tuna salad and more can all go in a simple wrap or roll up. If you're feeling ambitious, you can also make a quick breakfast burrito by throwing scrambled eggs and breakfast sausage in a tortilla with a little cheese. Pancake mix: Boxed pancake mix is simple enough- just add water, or milk to make it fluffier, then cook according to instructions. It's a little time consuming, but it's simple to learn, and if you make a big enough batch you can just pop them in the microwave, airfryer, or even the toaster in the morning for the rest of the week. You can also spice up your mix by adding frozen fruits, peanut butter, bacon bits & cheese, or chocolate chips, or by replacing the water in the recipe with coffee, apple cider, or chocolate milk! Toaster Waffles: Toaster waffles are great for a quick breakfast or snack, but can also be used for sandwiches, or topped with a protein like peanut butter!

Fruits and Vegetables: Raisins: Raisins are sweet, inexpensive, take a long time to expire, and are guilt free— no one in the history of ever has ever felt bad about eating too many raisins! You can easily throw them in a trail mix (trail mix is a loose term; just throw whatever little snacks you have in the pantry into a bowl and mix 'em together,) or a chicken salad, and they're really good sprinkled on peanut butter! Dried fruit: You can find these in the trail mix section of most stores. If you don't like raisins, there may be a different dried fruit you do like. Dried bananas are delightfully crunchy. Dried mango is still a little moist. Find a dried fruit that works for you! Pickles: Pickles are a vegetable with an extremely long fridge life. You don't have to settle for pickled cucumber though; you can find all kinds of pickled vegetables at the store, or ask a friend who pickles (you know which friend came to mind) if they have a jar of pickled veggies they'd sell you or any tricks to pickling your own. Frozen Fruit: Fruits last so much longer frozen, and you can get fairly good sized bags of them for not too much at the store. They're great for mixing in with yogurt, baking, pancakes, and more! Frozen Vegetables: If expiration dates are your worst enemy, consider getting some longer lasting frozen veggies. They can be microwaved or added to soups or ramen. If you're not a fan of the taste, you can hide them by adding some in with the frozen fruit in a smoothie. Canned vegetables: Canned veggies also last a while, and can be added to soups, boiled, or sometimes eaten as is. Canned soup: Tomato soup or a soup with veggies in it is a great way to get some vegetables into your diet. You can also add any canned, fresh, or frozen veggies to any can of soup you have on hand to use up some of your leftovers before they go bad. Tomato sauce: If you keep a jar of marinara, pasta, or pizza sauce on hand in the fridge, you can spread it on any grain you have lying around (bagel, biscuit, crackers, bread, english muffin, tortilla) and add shredded cheese to make a quick and fun pizza. You can go crazy with extra toppings as well! Applesauce: It's great as is, but you could also mix in brown sugar and cinnamon, or add it to pancakes or oatmeal. It can also be used as an egg substitute in most of your baking, and you can even use it as a spread on pancakes!

Quick Recipes: 3 Ingredient Pancakes • 1/2 cup applesauce (or one mashed banana) • 1 egg • 1 packet instant oatmeal Mix all ingredients together and cook on a greased skillet at 375°

Two Minute Mug Cake • 6 tablespoons boxed cake mix • 4 tablespoons water or milk Combine ingredients in a mug and microwave for one minute.

Toaster Crispy Quesadilla • 1 tortilla • 1 slice of cheese (I like to use cheddar!) • deli meat Place a slice of cheese toward the top of the tortilla. Layer desired amount of meat on top. Fold the sides over your meat and cheese (so they can't drip out the sides) then fold in half over the cheese (so it won't drip out the bottom.) Place in the toaster with the open end UP! Toast as desired.

Tuna Bagel Melts • plain bagel • tuna salad (one can of tuna with a few spoonfuls of mayo to taste) • two slices cheese Open the bagel and spread tuna salad on it. Place the cheese on top of the bagels. Broil or airfry for a few minutes.

Cracker Pizzas • a dozen crackers • a few tablespoons tomato sauce • three slices of cheese Arrange the crackers on a plate. Spread a spoonful of sauce on each cracker. Fold each slice of cheese into fourths so they break apart. Place one little slice on each cracker. Microwave for thirty seconds.

Simple Smoothie Recipe • 1/2 cup yogurt • 1/2 cup milk • 1/2 cup frozen fruit Combine all ingredients in the blender. Blend. [To make this easier, pre-mark your blender. Add a half cup of water to your blender and mark with a sharpie to the fill level. Repeat twice. You now know what level to fill each ingredient to without the hassle of measuring them.

[gareleia]

THE KNITTING SAGA CONTINUES

update: my co-writer friend FINALLY got a tumblr account, so I can tag them now!!

previously: part 1

next: part 3 part 4 part 5

a continuation because I have no impulse control and am in dire need of more Aeolus content

first of all, let's establish one thing - and I think we can all agree on that - Aeolus loves to fuck with people. they are a benevolent(-ish?) trickster deity, and they revel in harmless pranks

as a consequence, they are on pretty good terms with Hermes. while Hermes doesn't care much for the 'small fry' and doesn't pay that much attention to the wind god most of the time, Aeolus has their winions follow the messenger god religiously (pun intended), because? where Hermes goes, shenanigans always follow.

so when they get the tea that he's apparently hanging out on that one random Greek island, playing nanny? oh, they know it's gotta be good. so naturally, they go to check it out.

well, turns out that Athena is also there, and both of them are sooo bad with babies, it's hilarious

Athena, holding baby!Telemachus: Ehhh, shouldn't it be eating more meat? it's body is so weak, it can't even hold a spear! Hermes, exasperated: oh my me, 'thena, that's not how humans work!! babies eat liquids first!! how can you not know that!! here you go, champ, drink some wine!! Aeolus, hiding in the leaves: holy shit these guys are dumb

so now they can't just leave Telemachus alone with Athena and Hermes! they might not be an expert on child rearing, but surely they can do better than those two dorks! and the baby is adorable.

so they decide to stick around. just for a little bit. a week tops.

fast forward a few years, and they have been raising the prince of Ithaca

Aeolus: *shocked pikachu face*

and Aeolus is the much needed chaotic good influence to Hermes' chaotic neutral and Athena's lawful neutral.

the thing is, Aeolus is really good at hiding. so good, in fact, that no one but Telemachus had even realized they are here. everyone else just thinks that the prince has an invisible friend which, well… they're not wrong?.. and it's not like other kids are exactly lining up to be his friends anyway, cause everyone thinks he's weird (or their parents don't want to catch the attention of the suitors)

and the gods think that it's because they hang around too much and Telemachus can't make friends because of them. so maybe they try to spend less time in Ithaca, for his own good. which only makes things worse, because now the boy is upset, and Aeolus and winions have to try extra hard to cheer him up, which pisses them off.

Athena & Hermes: oh, goodness us, we shall try not to interfere too much with the mortal affairs, so that the young prince grows up healthy and happy ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Telemachus: (T⌓T) Aeolus: ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞ

and then they have to subtle bully the two dumb fucks to come back.

on a less serious note, Aeolus also has a sweet tooth, especially for marshmallows (idgaf there weren't any marshmallows in Mycenaean Greece, they're a god. they can make all the damn marshmallows they want)

and of course, since they are sooo generous, they always share with Telemachus.

what they don't know(?) is that winions, who all get their own treats, also collectively share them with the baby, because they are secretly evil adorable little freaks.

which results in a very hyper prince sugar rushing seemingly out of nowhere.

Telemachus, running all around the palace and crackling madly: I AM SPEED- Penelope, unimpressed: and who, pray tell, had given my son sweets right before dinner? Athena, equally unimpressed: yes, I would also like to know. Hermes, sweating nervously: heyyyy, why are you all looking at me like that???? ( ಠ‿ಠ ) Aeolus, from behind a tree, unseen by anyone: (｡•̀U-)┘

Hermes always gets blamed.

It's the only time he doesn't do the thing

and he's seething, because nobody believes him.

[twstfanblog]

!*~Valentine's Times~*! pt 1

A/N: This Valentine's Day fic got so fucking big I had to break it up into parts. So I decided to also post them leading up to Valentine's day! Another thank you to @bun-lapin for allowing me to use their lovely OCs! At this point I've just become their foster mother XD Word Count: 5.2K Warnings: She/They Pronouns OC Pairings: Paternal Crewel & Yuu, Grandpa Trein & Yuu L (Here). O (Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle). V (Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, Diasomnia). E (Crack)

L is for the way you look at me...

The thought had luckily hit them mid-way through January. After confirming with Crewel that Valentine’s Day was still very much a holiday in Twisted Wonderland, Yuu realized they had a large number of chocolates they wanted to give out. Not even counting their boyfriends’ families, they had made a number of friends and pseudo-family members in this new world that deserved to be shown love and appreciation. So, Yuu had to think up and create or buy over thirty gifts. And that’s only people on the school campus; they knew they wanted to send chocolates to their boyfriend's family members, as a thank you for being so nice to them. Sadly, they were very aware they were not going to get that much money out of Crowley, no matter how they worded their nonexistent blackmail. So they sat in their kitchen, fingernails tapping against the island counter as they thought about how to make their plan come to fruition. 

Then the idea struck. Alone the task was basically impossible with their schedule normally filled by their loved ones and their bullshit. But, with help, it was very possible.

They quickly jogged to the window leading to the backyard of Ramshackle. Opening it and sticking their head out they gleefully sang, “Oh fairies~!? I have a deal to make with you~!” Then they stepped back, crossing their arms and waiting as the sound of flapping wings grew louder and louder.

Soon a burst of fairies all flew into the kitchen, the small doll-sized beings finding places to sit as they looked at them in curiosity. Yuu never thought their old habit of leaving bowls of milk out for strays would result in having pull with the sizable fairy population that lived on the Night Raven campus. But they weren't complaining. The fairies were cute and more than willing to do minor repairs and upkeep of Ramshackle for cubes of sugar or meat. Once they were all seated and quiet, Yuu spoke.

“Hello, my dear Fairy Folk. I have an offer to give today that I hope you will take. The day of love is coming up in a few weeks and I would adore it if you'd all help me craft my treats for my larger loved ones.”

The fairies all turned to each other, whispering to themselves with tinkling tones and excited wing flutters. Soon, one lone familiar fairy flew up and landed on Yuu's waiting hand, “Yes, Timothy? Your demands?”

Timothy was a ‘Tinkering Fairy’. Yuu had met him first of all the fairies that came to Ramshackle for milk and treats. The tiny male trying to open and fix the bird feeder after Yuu had improperly filled it, leaving it to be jammed and useless. Timothy was also more than willing to try his hand at fixing anything that broke in Ramshackle. A service he would create himself if Yuu didn't give him something to do frequently enough.

The tinker fairy chimed out, hands moving in wide arcs before looking at Yuu with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms. The fairies were well aware Yuu couldn't understand them, but since they wore their emotions so openly Yuu had no issue determining if they were upset with them or not.

Yuu hummed, their free hand reaching up to tap at their chin in mock thought, “I'm guessing you want to know what your payment would be?” She smiles at Timothy's excited chiming, “Well, I'm not gonna ask you guys to work for free. I'm going to be buying a lot of sugar, fruit, and chocolate to get a discount from Sam. Anything left over from the gift-making will be for you guys to take.”

Another wave of excited chiming comes from the crowd, many of them already nodding their heads in agreement. But Timothy tapped his foot, arms crossed with an annoyingly cute pout on his lips.

Yuu rolled their eyes but still smiled, using a hand to poke at Timothy's chest, “And~ everyone who helps is guaranteed a kiss.” Was it underhanded to use the tiny fairy's unrequited crush against him? Yes, very so. Was it a surefire way to get him to agree and subsequently gather up every other fairy in the woods to help? Also yes.

But, luckily, Timothy took the bait, beaming and having his wings flutter so hard he nearly took off from their palm.

“We got a deal then?” Yuu holds out their pinky, letting Timothy grip it with both his hands as they shook on it.

It took time to get the seemingly metric tons of chocolates delivered. Not to mention testing out fillings and last-minute ordering luster dust and various colored chocolate pearls. Plus convincing Crewel to teach them how to make the molds he uses in his alchemy lollipop lesson to make sure they had every shape needed. But by nearly 11pm on February 13th, Yuu and the fairy entourage had completed every last bag of chocolate. Yuu had bagged up their respective groups of treats in clear plastic bags and colorful ribbons. Ribbons that were being re-tied by a flora fairy wearing a scrap of Pomefiore printed fabric as a stylish wrap skirt. The fairy re-tying the ribbons into more fanciful knots and bows with a critical eye.

“Thank you, Tulip. Vil is gonna love these bows.” Yuu smiles as the fairy's wings flutter in happiness. Giving their chocolates one last look over and a glance at the clock, Yuu claps their hands to gain the gathering's attention, “Alright everybody! That's a wrap. Time to discuss payment.”

The fairies stood at attention, none more eager than Timothy.

“As promised, the remaining chocolates, cream, and fruit are yours to take back into the hollow with you.” Yuu watched as a number of fairies quickly gathered up the remaining blocks of chocolate, using their combined strength to lift the pounds up and out of the kitchen. Several other fairies grabbed the containers of cream and fruits to do the same.

Soon there were no fairies left in the kitchen, “Oh, fuck wait. Their kisses…” a chime brings Yuu's attention to the island. Timothy standing alone and smiling brightly up at them, “Oh, of course you'd want your kiss more than anyone.” With a fond smile and a shake of their head they say, “Close your eyes.”

Timothy closes his eyes, wings nearly vibrating from his excitement. A kiss! From the pixie of his dreams, nothing could-

A sudden weight against his chest makes him open his eyes. A drop wrapped in shiny aluminum with a paper tail sticking out of the top was placed in his arms. He blinks, looking at Yuu in confusion as they lean on the counter with a mischievous smile.

“There you are. A kiss.”

…

Yuu laughs as Timothy starts to rage, his tiny body almost turning completely red as he throws the chocolate drop on the counter. Stomping around until he just sat down, arms crossed and legs splayed out. A frustrated pout on his face.

“Come on! It's a kiss, just as I promised.” Yuu was sure they had gained favor with the fairies because they enjoyed playing tricks just as much as the smaller fae did. But as Timothy's wings slowly started to droop in actual sadness, Yuu coos. Leaning more on the island to try and catch a glimpse of the fairy's face, “Aw…don't be mad Timmy. A chocolate kiss isn't so bad right?”

The tinker actually shuffled himself to angle away from Yuu, feet kicking in mild anger before going still again.

Yuu rolls her eyes, smiling at Timothy before snapping her fingers to gain the fairy's attention. Once the pouting fae looked over his shoulder at her, she held up her pointer finger. Making sure Timothy saw Yuu kiss the point of her finger before bringing it to tap against his cheek, “Mwah.”

It took the fairy a few moments to realize what she had done. But when he did, his whole body flushed red, a wide smile stretching his face as his wings fluttered so hard Yuu was certain she heard them buzzing. She laughs, cupping her hand under Timothy just in case he fell, “I'm glad you're happy with your kiss,” using her other hand to pluck the forgotten chocolate from the counter, placing it into his arms again, “Now go party with your friends before they eat all the fruit.”

Timothy nods, blush fading to just his cheeks. He flies to the window, only to pause and quickly turn around. Yuu blinked, realizing the small fairy had zipped closer to place a tiny kiss on her cheek before flying away into the night.

Yuu chuckles, tapping her own cheek in amusement before closing the window and exiting the kitchen. It was late and Yuu had a very busy day in the morning.

Yuu huffed, walking down the path to Sam's shop with Grim pouting beside them. Both were dressed in more fanciful attire for the holiday. Grim in an elaborate layering of red, white, and black ribbons tied to give him a massive bow. Yuu was in a gray overall dress, bright red tights with black imprints of hearts patterning them. A loose, white long sleeve and platform white ankle boots. The outfit accessorized with their hair tied back in a half updo by a red ribbon and a red heart-shaped pendant around their neck. A large black tote bag with heart patterned argyle thumping against their side.

“Stop pouting, people are gonna think I hit you.” Yuu looked to their side, raising an eyebrow at Grim's atomic pout and tear-filled eyes.

The dire beast looks up at them, expression still on the verge of tears yet angry, “You didn't make me any chocolates! You didn't even let me have any of the gummies you left out for the fairies! They already got a bunch of stuff, this isn't fair at all!” Grim took a moment to stomp his foot, even trying to breathe fire at the tote bag slung over Yuu's shoulder.

They manage to step out of the way, glaring down at Grim, “Ay! Enough! You'll get something good from Sam's if you stop being a little bastard.”

“No! I will continue to be a little bastard because you don't love me!”

“Oh my seven, you are a toddler.” Yuu shakes their head, opening the door and pushing a stubborn Grim into the shop with their foot, “Sam! I'm here for my things!”

The shadow clerk seemed to rise from behind his front counter, as though he was just crouched and waiting for someone to come in, “Lil pup! Perfect timing, my friends and I just finished wrapping up your orders.” He reached behind the counter, pulling out five small but decorated bags, “And my friends have also placed your package in your room as paid for by discreet delivery fees. Anything else I can do ya for?”

Yuu peeked as much as they could into the bags without ruining Sam's carefully placed tissue paper and ribbon decorations. Smiling at each gift Yuu nods, “Just one thing, Sam” They point below them, calling the shopkeeper’s attention to the pouting lump on the floor, “Can you watch this pathetic creature for me? Just for a bit.”

Sam couldn't help but snicker, “Aw…what's wrong kitty cat? Tuna can go bad?”

Grim looks up at Sam, face pulled as though he smelled something sour, “Yuu doesn't love me…”

“Aw~.”

Yuu rolls her eyes, grabbing the black and blue striped bag from the counter before holding it out in front of Grim's pouting figure.

The dire beast looks at the bag in interest, snatching it away from Yuu and ignoring their remark of ‘rude’. Grim opened the bag with excitement only to pout at seeing a black square of fabric, “What am I supposed to do with this!?”

“Oh, Grim. You dumbass.” Yuu kneels down, reaching into the bag and pulling out a simple wallet. They take the time to show the back, smiling as Grim's eyes glitter at the laminated school logo and gold lettering of ‘Night Raven Student’. Yuu clips the wallet to one side of Grim's collar, showing him how the clip was on a retractable line.

“...Okay. This is kinda cool. But it still isn't as good as chocolate…”

Sam hums from above them, leaning over the counter to witness their exchange, “I don't know kitty cat. I think you got a pretty sweet gift.”

“Grim, with this wallet I give you the gift of your own debit card.” Yuu gestures around them, “With it, you may purchase whatever food you want without my permission. Idia agreed to sponsor your bank account so I know you've got money on that thing.”

Grim's expression went from confused to shocked then excited. He fumbled with the wallet, paws managing to see the front of the wallet was actually clear plastic, showing the simple black card with his name spelled out in blocky neon blue letters. Yuu bought him snacks, sure. But they were also always eating them just as much as he was, claiming it was the ‘purchase tax’ since they bought them. But…if he bought the snacks himself…

“Y-ya mean it!? I can buy any kinda snack I want!?”

“Yep.”

“And you can't steal any of it!?”

“Nooope.” They pop their lips on the ending ‘P’. Reaching forward to pet Grim's head lovingly, leaning to place a kiss on his forehead, “Happy Valentine’s Day, lil guy.”

Grim jumps for joy, spinning in a circle before speeding off into Sam's shop. His echoing call of ‘Thank you’ fading the deeper he went into the store.

“...Hey, Sam, how big is this place?”

“So what else are you doing today lil pup?” Sam asked, eyes clearly telling Yuu to stop questioning the physics of his store.

They roll their eyes, grabbing the other four gift bags and carefully placing them in their tote bag, “Well, I'm going to deliver festive Valentine's treats to my favorite people on campus.”

“Oh?” Sam perks up, a hand held out as though to receive a gift.

…

Yuu continues to smile at Sam's confused expression, tilting their head in question when he frowned, “Something wrong Sam?”

“That's cold, lil pup. After all those gummies I legally don't sell you.” The man curls his lip at them, waving them away as he walks from behind the counter, “Get out of my store. I got no place for solicitors in here.”

Yuu laughs, waving as Sam walked deeper into the store, possibly to keep Grim from making too big a mess, “Bye Sam! Happy Valentine’s Day!”

Once Sam's grumbling figure was out of view, Yuu looked along the ground before hissing out a whisper at a passing shadow, “Hey. Hey. Come here…”

The inky blob blinks up to them with glowing purple eyes, the image of curiosity. Yuu pulls a baggie from their tote. A clear plastic bag with a bright purple ribbon tying it shut, the bag was filled with a mixture of dark, milk, and white chocolate shapes of bones, skulls, and ghosts. Scattered throughout the bag were varying sizes of black and purple chocolate pearls.

Yuu hands the baggie to the shadow, “Throw this at the back of Sam's head as hard as you can.”

The shadow's expression turned wicked, a tendril of black reaching from the floor and engulfing the bag before the being zooms away. Yuu giggles, rushing out of the shop just as Sam yells in pain.

Sam glares at the snickering shadows at his feet, “What the hell…what'd ya even throw at me…?” He looks over the bag, a smile slowly breaking across his face as he realizes where the bag of chocolate came from, “Aw…” Sam throws the bag into the air, catching it with one hand before tucking it into his apron, “I'm gonna charge them double next time they come in…”

The teacher’s housing building acted as a dorm on campus, though most would find it felt more like a mini hotel. Complete with an elegant sitting area the faculty met in often, either to plan outings or simply complain about the many problem students of Night Raven.

Hui-Yan shrugs, swirling her mug of black coffee before speaking, “I just think it's coddling them. You're entitled to your own option, that's simply how I feel about it.”

Ingrid hummed, pulling her own cream and sugar-filled coffee away from her lips, “No, I understand. I'm asking why you think the children having access to an infirmary is coddling them?”

From his armchair, Trein sighs. Placing Lucious's brush to the side as he spoke aloud, “We should teach them basic first aid…”

Vargas nearly overfills his mug of coffee, only saving himself from burning his hand as Iomhar tilted the pot back, “Wait. Do we not teach them first aid?”

Crewel sighs, lazily typing on his phone with one hand and the other pouring a splash of rum from his flask into his mug, “No…we should though…”

Iomhar nods solemnly, taking the pot from Vargas, “They have been almost dying a lot this year…”

Ingrid leaned forward, eyes trained on Hui-Yan even though the other woman clearly looked done with their short conversation, “Oh~. This a fragmented hint at your tragic past?”

Edric doesn't look up from his holographic screen, tapping away as he sipped his smoothie, “The cases of near-death experiences are up by 72% from last year.”

Trein sputters, eyes widening at Edric's calculations, “72%!?”

Crewel placed his phone down, finally thinking back to all the explosions he'd had in his potions classes that year, “Oh Seven, please tell me it isn't that high because of me.”

Ingrid smiled at Hui-Yan's blank, mildly annoyed stare, “Let me guess. You were…injured during your super lethal swordswoman training-”

“Surprisingly, no, Crewel. Though your classes are a main contributor to the yearly burn injury percentage.”

Trein huffs, glaring down his nose at Crewel, “Honestly, all these years and still so irresponsible…”

“-but, when the doctor entered, you knew it was a trap-”

Crewel mimics Trein under his breath before speaking louder, “All these years and you're still on my ass, old man.”

Vargas hummed from his cup of coffee, nudging Edric lightly, “Well, what's causing it?”

“Unsurprisingly, the thing that Crowley's been black boxing on all our official reports since the beginning of the year.”

Vargas hums again, louder and with a more strained look on his face, “...That's been happening a lot this year now that I think about it.”

Trein scratches at Lucious' ear, eyebrows furrowed in thought, “At a seemingly increasing rate too…”

“-So as your lover lay dying in your arms you swore to never enter an infirmary again!”

“Ingrid, darling?” Crewel smiled sweetly, though he was slowly growing just as annoyed as Hui-Yan's schooled features hid, “Can you focus on the real conversation for forty seconds?”

Edric hums, raising an eyebrow at his screen, “Speaking of Yuu, she's entered the building.”

“They've what-”

The doors to the sitting area suddenly burst open, Yuu stood in the entryway with a wide smile, “Hi~!”

Hui-Yan groans under her breath, mumbling into her mug of coffee, “Oh no…”

Yuu pouts, walking farther into the room to place their bag on the dining table, “I've done nothing to you…”

“I don't trust you, child.”

“Well, I guess I can take my delightful gifts and just fuck off then, huh?”

Ingrid quickly stood up, smiling with her eyes glittering as she crowded against Yuu, “Gifts? For me? Your favorite teacher!?”

Crewel clicks his tongue, sneering at Ingrid, “Oh, like you'd be my puppy's favorite…”

Before the two could start bickering, Yuu started pulling out the gift bags and clear ribbon-tied packages and handing them to the respective teachers.

“For you Ms. Oster.” A plaid and golden-trimmed gift bag was placed in her waiting hands. Yuu smiled as the teacher pulled out a small store-bought heart-shaped box of fancy chocolates and a jeweled bracelet, “I thought you could vague text photos to your sisters and have them think you're dating someone-”

“-Then I could act nonchalant but clearly flustered! Oh, that's perfect!” Ingrid quickly clicked the bracelet onto her wrist, rushing off to the corner to take photos of the chocolate and her bejeweled wrist.

Yuu turns to Hui-Yan, rolling her eyes as the woman squints at her, “Literally, I have never done anything to you.”

“I’ve heard enough of what you’ve done. I also don’t like sweets nor accept jewelry. You have nothing civil to offer me.”

Yuu holds up a clear bag tied closed with an ornate black ribbon, four skewers of Tanghulu inside. Each skewer held three large green grapes, with various fruits adding more color and variety. Slices of pineapple and kiwi cut into star and heart shapes.

Hui-Yan stared at the bag in Yuu’s hand, eyes seemingly trying to burn a hole through the plastic and remelt the sugar. She sighs, holding her hand out and letting Yuu cheer and smack the treat into her grasp. She makes quick work of opening the bag to bite off one of the fruits, chewing lightly before she mumbles out, “The shell is too thick.”

Yuu was in the process of handing Edric his bag, only to turn and harshly whisper to Hui-Yan, “Experience happiness for just…40 seconds, okay?” Instead of placing the white and red pixel-patterned bag into Edric’s waiting hands, they swing the bag into a high arch to smack lightly against Edric’s blank face.

“...” The Ignihyde advisor doesn’t respond, undoing the black ribbon and looking into the bag. The only emotion shown on his face was his one visible eyebrow raising in surprise, a hand pulling out several USBs designed to look like mini candy bars, “Oh…I didn’t have a Chuckles* one of these…” He pockets that singular USB, placing the other’s back in the bag and muttering under his breath, “Satisfying.”

Iomhar sat up straighter when Yuu turned to him, “Ok…I wasn’t sure what the hell to get you. But, I know you like bears…So I made these.” Yuu holds out the bag tied with an orange ribbon, small graham crackers shaped like bears with chocolate piped faces and milk chocolate shaped like axes inside, “Do you like them?”

“...” Iomhar smiles, taking the bag and holding it close to his chest as he gave a simple nod in thanks.

“Fuck yes.” Yuu briefly pumps their fist, high-fiving themself as congratulations on a job well done. Turning to Vargas they open their mouth only to have the buff man hold up a hand to silence them.

“No need, Ramshackle. I don’t eat chocolate; too many empty calories.”

“Yeah, I assumed you would say that. So I got you this, you weird man.” They reach into their tote bag, pulling out a large container of chocolate-flavored protein powder with a combo of red and yellow bows wrapped around it.

“Ooooo, this is a good brand…” Vargas takes the container, smiling and nodding in approval as he read over the ingredients and serving sizes.

Yuu then turns to Crewel, the two of them giving each other small smiles, “Papa Dog.”

“Puppy.”

In sync, they hand each other black and white patterned bags; Yuu handing Crewel a bag with bright red ribbon straps, edged with red lace and filled with black and white tissue paper while Crewel hands over a black and white bag with gold trimming and filled with teal tissue paper. He opens his gift, pulling out two chunks of bone that seemed to be freshly removed from an animal.

The other teachers all look at the bones in concern, Vargas lightly leaning away from Yuu, “Ramshackle, who’d you rip those out of!?”

Crewel coos, smiling as he gave the bones a once over before putting them back, “Beef bones for Chenille and Muslin*! They’ll love them, puppy.”

Yuu opens their own bag, gasping as they pull out a black leather, spiked collar. The spikes twisted engraved bulbs and swirling designs stamped into the leather, “Yes! You got me the Mad Dog choker!” They quickly unclasp their heart pendant necklace, wrapping the chain around the collar to have the heart act as a tag. Reclasping the necklace and then clicking the collar closed with a giddy smile, “Thank you!”

Crewel accepts their hug, humming before letting Yuu pull away, “Well, you weren't subtle in the least about wanting it. I'd have to be blind and deaf to not see all the hints you were dropping.”

“I will apologize for gluing the ad for it to the rearview window of your car…” Yuu hands over a clear bag. Tied closed with black, red, and white ribbons and filled with bone-shaped chocolates. Crewel raises an eyebrow at the red luster dusted lumps throughout the bag, “Those are chocolate-dipped raisins. Since honestly, raisin butter is fucking gross and I wasn't gonna try to taste test chocolate with it.”

Crewel pulls Yuu into another hug, gently petting their head, “Thank you, puppy. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Happy Valentine's Day, Papa Dog.”

Trein looks up in surprise when Yuu steps in front of him. He pets Lucious, raising an eyebrow in question, “Yes, Yuu?”

They smile, holding out a clear baggie with what he assumed to be truffles delicately shaped to resemble cats with red and purple colored chocolate pearls inside, “For my favorite teacher.”

Trien could only smile as he accepted the chocolates, ignoring the others exploding at the fact he was Yuu's favorite.

“I am literally your father, you little-”

“Wait, what!? I was texting my sister, who's the favorite?”

“Come on, Ramshackle! I thought you loved my class!”

“I mean, I don't like you, so…”

“I taught you how to snap a bone with only a strike. How am I not your favorite…?”

Edric looked up from his screen, eyeing Iomhar with a level of intensity as though the taller man had personally slighted him, “Why would you teach them that…?”

“...”

Yuu held the last gift bag up, matte burgundy with a purple ribbon keeping it tied close, “And a gift for the lovely Lucious…” Reaching inside, Yuu pulled out a fancy silver bowl on rococo-styled legs to give it height.

Trien takes the cat bowl with a smile, bringing it closer to Lucious to smell the object, “How thoughtful of you. This is a wonderful present…” He reaches into his breast pocket, pulling out a card and handing it to Yuu, “A gift as well. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.”

Reading the card, Yuu's eyes widened, rereading it a few times before they let out a scream and jumped up and down out of joy, “REALLY!? REALLY, REALLY!?”

“While it's not the physical copies, I was sure you'd still like a copy.” Trein had gifted Yuu their own digital copy of one, if not the, largest collection of historical facts of Twisted Wonderland. It was a multi-volume series that was basically a staple of every historical educator's must-read list. So while Trein would have loved to gift the budding historian the whole physical set, a digital copy would be much easier to handle at the moment.

Yuu squeals, spinning around before throwing their arms around Trein's neck and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you, grandpa!” They pulled away, hands clasped tightly against the card as they ran out of the room, no doubt to quickly redeem their book at the nearest computer.

Trein sat in his chair, smiling with just an air of smugness as he stroked a purring Lucious, “I'm the favorite.”

Crewel huffed, harshly chewing on a chocolate bone, “Oh, fuck you, old man…”

Crowley sat in his office, sighing as he looked over his pile of paperwork. He'd normally slip the forms into his coworkers' own workloads and simply collect them later. But they were all very firm on not doing any work during holidays, even if they were minor reports or the expense balancing he had put off to the last minute. He huffs, shuffling the papers around. Honestly, he was the Headmage, how could not only his subordinates but also his students bully him into making minor holidays free days?

He perks up hearing the door click open, “Hello?”

Yuu stood in the doorway, frowning in disdain before they closed the door behind them and walked closer. They stop at his desk, looking at him as though he was some great annoyance they weren't allowed to rid themselves of.

“...”

“...”

“Do you need something-”

“You are literally the worst type of educator I have ever met.”

“AH- Excuse you!?”

Yuu kept going, as though his outburst wasn't even registered, “You're lazy, irresponsible, a hypocrite, deeply suspicious, kinda ugly-”

Crowley clasped his hands, breathing in through his nose as he closed his eyes. They'd…run out of hurtful words at some point…he's sure of it. He tries to hide it but could only pout at seeing Yuu had started counting on their fingers all of his supposed ‘negative’ traits.

“-terrible at dealing with your students, the other teachers don't even respect you, you do so many shitty things openly it's almost hard not to blackmail you, you haven't replaced the damn computers in the library even though they are probably as old as you, and also, I don't think you know what the word ‘kind’ means…”

“...” Crowley huffs, snatching his papers off his desk to bring them closer to his face, “Well, if you're quite finished! I have work to do, since you seem to think I'm so lazy!”

Yuu stares at him, a hand on their hip as they rolled their eyes at Crowley's tantrum, “But…” they sigh as Crowley peaks untrusting eyes over his stack of papers, “I…care about you.” They reach into their tote and pull out a plastic bag tied closed with royal blue and black ribbons, holding it like a wet towel with two fingers. Gold luster dusted feather-shaped dark chocolates with pearls of dark blue scattered inside.

Crowley looks at the chocolates in shock before he exclaims in happiness. He snatches them from Yuu's loose grasp and coos, “Oh! My thoughtful beneficiary, what a lovely surprise! I knew you wouldn't forget to gift your caring, supportive, kind patron this holiday!” he stands, ignoring Yuu annoyingly shying away as he gathers them up into a hug.

“Ugh. Stop endearing yourself to me with your sad, wet rat display…” They still hug Crowley back with a small smile, “They're filled with coconut cream. Happy Valentine’s Day, Crowley. Now get off of me, I got places to be.” 

“Yes. I suppose you do. Have a wonderful day my dear, Happy Valentine's Day!” They exchange waves, Yuu slamming the door shut behind them much to his displeasure. But, he couldn't keep the smile off his face for long.

He opens his bag of chocolate, humming in anticipation as he pulled a chocolate feather from the bag. Chewing it, fully expecting the smooth sweet taste of coconut and chocolate, only to screech and spit the chocolate out. He fanned his mouth, panting as the burning spice stuck to every corner of his mouth. Why was it so spicy!?

Reaching into the bag he snapped another chocolate open, raising an eyebrow in confusion as the inside showed a fluffy white mixture. Snapping yet another chocolate, he sat back in his chair, glaring at the ceiling. Just how many of these chocolates had they filled with this red hot paste instead of the promised coconut?

Honestly…such a troublesome ward he had…

Twisted Snickers. I'm funny please laugh.

I gave and named two dogs for Crewel. They are named after types of fabric because he would honestly...