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andromedasstarship · 4 years ago

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in the stars - chapter 2

photo credits - @ssahotchnerr

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, show rating 16+ for reference. depictions of violence, stalking, murder, angst, age gap couple, language

summary - You and Aaron reunite, but it’s not exactly anything to celebrate over. The case moves forward, but you really wish it hadn’t like this.

a/n - no one is allowed to call me out on my lack of LA/california geographical knowledge. ive also started including readers mental thought train which is italicized (flashbacks will also be in italics, but ill always properly mark a flashback). if you arent tagged but asked, just send another ask/reply! i mustve missed it on accident.

blog rules

masterlist // read it on ao3 here

chapter 1 // chapter 3

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Chapter 2

Aaron Hotchner was standing in front of you. Impeccable, not even a slight crease in his shoes and suit pressed to perfection. He still smelled faintly like cedar, a thought you quickly tried to send away; it was too late though, already remembering how pitiful it was post breakup, when you would smell the shirts he left at your house, a desperate attempt to remember that he existed in your life. You’d spent hours, days even, thinking about how you’d react if you were ever to see Aaron in person again. At the top of the list was screaming at him, really giving him a piece of your mind for leaving the way he did. Or, maybe you’d be cool and composed, the epitome of maturity and ‘I’m Totally Over You’. You’d even considered completely ignoring him, not even giving him a second glance. Instead you were frozen to the spot, staring up at the man who broke your heart.

Pulling your eyes away from him, they darted towards the gap between his body and outside, internally debating if you’d be able to somehow sneak around him. As if he could read your mind, not like you had been particularly subtle, he moved to close the gap before you had the chance to fully formulate an escape.

“Y/N,” he tried again, voice a bit firmer this time around. It’d be better if he couldn’t speak. But then again he had such a beautiful voice-. No, you mentally clamped down on that thought before it could lead you down another rabbit hole. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you, uh, what?” You asked, hyper aware of how mousy you must’ve sounded.

“That someone was murdering women that looked like you. You should’ve called my team sooner, it was irresponsible to put yourself at further risk of-”

“Are you trying to imply that this is somehow my fault, Agent Hotchner?” The words felt bitter on your tongue. It wasn’t like you, to suddenly be so quick to anger. Years in the spotlight had taught you to hold your tongue, but Aaron’s words managed to cut right through.

“That’s not what I’m saying, you know that-,” he tried to interject, but you weren’t going to back down so easy.

“I know what Agent? Please, tell me the acceptable response to this situation,” you spat out at him, finding a brief enjoyment in the way his face scrunched up ever so slightly. “The police were working on the case, I’ve dealt with weirdos before.” Aaron opened his mouth again as if to speak, but you weren’t finished, “You really think I believed you’d answer if I called?”

His face fell at that and you felt some form of internal victory swell in your chest. Y/N 1 point, Aaron Hotchner 0. The victory was short lived though, as you came to the realization that the two of you were still in a very public setting.

“I’m not going to fight with you Agent, I suggest you get back to your team.” With that you shoved your way past him, stomping the entire way to your car. It was a shame, the way the anger and sadness was consuming you, maybe if it hadn’t, this time you would’ve noticed the clicking coming from the tree line.

----

Hotch wished you had been angry; it would’ve been easier to handle you if you had been screaming in his face or throwing low-blow comments his way. He could deal with anger. It’d be easier if he could pretend that you were being completely out of line and could warrant being ignored for the rest of the case.

That wasn’t you though, and he knew this. He didn’t have to be a profiler to see and hear the way you struggled to hold yourself together. He didn’t need to be a profiler to feel how disappointed you were with him. Hotch didn’t know how to deal with this or you. Even though it had been months, had he truly fallen so far from your graces; was your opinion so lowly of him now?

Hotch wasn’t sure which was worse to stomach, the fact that you had such little faith in him or the deep rooted feeling in his gut that told him you were right- had you called him unannounced two months ago, he wouldn’t have picked up the phone.

----

You sat in your car for twenty minutes, at least. It was pitiful, the way you were crying in your car, to a sad playlist, over a guy who hurt your feelings; it felt like high school all over again. In the moment, you had felt good, the way you watched Aaron’s face twist and fall at your words giving you some sick form of satisfaction.

It’s not like you had lied to him or anything. You hadn’t even stretched the truth for ultimate impact. The whole overly formal ‘Agent’ thing was definitely on purpose though. No, you had meant every word you said to Aaron, especially about not believing he’d answer if you called. What would you have even said if you called and he did pick up? Hi Aaron, remember me? Good, anyway hope you’re doing well but I think I have a murderous stalker, can you help? Actually, that’s probably exactly how the conversation would’ve gone, but that’s beside the point.

The point was that even if you could trust the Unit Chief of the BAU to do his job, you weren’t sure you could trust Aaron Hotchner anymore.

----

When you finally did muster up the courage to return to the conference room, you really wished you hadn’t. You should’ve just turned your car on and left. Was it possible to ghost the FBI? You’d heard enough stories from Aaron about how their tech wizard had found people with just a single loose thread, there was definitely no way you were going to make some spy like disappearance.

Aaron wasn’t in the room, something you were grateful for in the moment. But what you weren’t grateful for was how the team had managed to set up multiple bulletin boards in your absence; filled with your photo, crime scene photos, the dead women and your personal least favorite, the dead women’s bodies.

Of course, you knew what was going on, you were a big girl, well old enough to understand and process the gravity of the situation. But you’d only seen photos of the women alive, with personality and humanity; something about that made them look less like you and more like them. Looking at them now- dead, eyes closed, faces tilted away from the camera- these women didn’t just look like you, they were you.

You hadn’t even realized you were drifting closer to one of the boards until you felt a hand pull at the crook of your elbow. Turning your head ever so slightly you saw JJ, giving you one of her nice looks again.

“Y/N, you don’t need to see these,” JJ started, already pulling you in the opposite direction. You were about to agree, head already halfway to a full nod when you noticed something from the corner of your eye.

“Wait!” You exclaimed, pulling your arm back and getting right in front of a photo of victim #2. You very gently pulled the photo of the wall and held it closely in front of your face. Were you allowed to move it? Oh well. You felt the rest of the team’s eyes burning holes through your back so you turned to face them. “I, um, I’m pretty sure the sweater she’s wearing is mine.” You said, voice coming out as a whisper.

The team certainly seemed to liven up at that statement. Even though they hadn’t even been in LA for a full 24 hours yet, it was obvious from the start that LAPD hadn’t been lacking on the case, rather the unsub was just that good. They reported no evidence from any dump sites,- and now those sites had been contaminated far too much to double check- there had been no witnesses for any of the abductions, and the unsub hadn’t attempted any contact with Y/N; all in all, they had nothing.

“Y/N, are you sure?” Emily asked, she was quickly pulling photos of the other three women down, bringing them over to the roundtable. “Are the women in these photos wearing anything else you recognize?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure. There’s a little hole right there, on the side, the threads were pretty loose and I got stuck on a doorknob once, ripped it right open. I couldn’t find it when I went to fix it, just assumed I threw it away and forgot.” You said quietly, moving your way to the table. Your brain wasn’t working properly, hadn’t quite yet come to the conclusion that the rest of the agents already reached. He had gotten into your house. “Oh my god.” You whispered, voice shaking. “He was in my house, wasn’t he?”

The agents all looked down at you with sympathetic gazes before Emily finally spoke up again. “We can’t be sure just yet, but I need you to look at these photos and tell me if you recognize anything else okay? Can you do that for me?”

You nodded, making your way over to the table and taking a seat. You were well aware one of the agents just called for Hotch, but you couldn’t be bothered with that right now.

----

“Hotch,” Derek said, his voice urgent as he rounded the corner, interrupting whatever conversation Hotch was having with a random officer, “Y/N recognized the sweater victim #2 was wearing at the dumpsite as hers. Emily’s showing her the rest of the photos and it’s looking like the unsub left something of hers on each one.”

That certainly got Hotch’s attention. He didn’t need Derek to fill in the blank, the unsub had been in your house. His fists tightened at his side and he couldn’t help the way his face twisted in anger. In this state, Derek knew better than to question this unusually personal reaction, instead just angling his body back towards the conference room. He didn’t even have a chance to open his mouth before Hotch brushed past him, making his way back to you.

----

Starting with a photo of victim #1, you very slowly pulled it closer in front of you. Oh my god, her neck. Obviously, you’ve seen bruises before, been on a whole bunch of film sets that used makeup to create some pretty gory pieces, but nothing like this. The unsub didn’t just stangle these women, it was like he wanted to completely crush their throats.

One of the agents behind you was questioning your ability to stomach this, so you quickly forced yourself to focus. It was the least you could do for these poor women, just give them your undivided attention for ten minutes, and then you could deal with everything else later.

Your finger traced over the bracelet victim #1 was wearing. “This is mine. There’s a singular heart engraved on the back of the third diamond’s plating. I bought it for myself after I got cast in my first big role, cried for weeks when I ‘lost’ it.”

“And what about this one?” Emily asked, gently pulling victim #1’s photo away from you and replacing it with #4. You didn’t miss the way she turned the photos you’d already looked at upside down, as if to further shield you from them. Nor did you miss that she was technically skipping victim #3.

It didn’t take you long to notice what was yours on victim #4. “It’s the dress, it’s really comfy, I used to wear it a lot, like a lot a lot. I brought it with me so often on trips I just assumed it got left in a hotel room somewhere.”

Emily nodded, taking back that photo and turning it over as well. You could see her hesitation in showing you victim #3, but she slid it across the table to you as well. Her fingertips ghosting on the edge of the photo, ready to pull it back as soon as you gave an answer.

Victim #3 was tough. She looked the most like you, both when she was alive and certainly the way she looked now.

You took a sharp intake of breath as you looked down at her the first thing that caught your eye was the necklace. Most certainly yours and most certainly the one that Aaron had given you for your three year anniversary. You realized it was lost a few months after the breakup and nearly tore your house apart looking for it; you didn’t have many things from your relationship with Aaron to prove he was once part of your life, making the few things you did have all the more important. “The necklace, there’s an A engraved on the back and I’m pretty sure those shoes are mine too.” Emily swept the photo back and out of view as soon as the last words left your lips.

“JJ, get those items out of evidence immediately so we can be absolutely sure,” Hotch ordered. Aaron. You hadn’t even realized he had walked into the room, you turned to look at him, eyes wide with sadness and fear. The tears that were beginning to form tugged viciously on his heart. “Miss L/N, my team and I are going to escort you back to your home and we’re going to need to canvas it for signs of entry and identify if anything else is missing. Is that okay?” He asked, his voice soft with something most of the members couldn’t place.

You simply nodded at that, glad that you wouldn’t have to be alone, “Do you need my address, or will you just follow my car?” There was definitely humor in that, Aaron already knew exactly where you lived and the code to get through the gates.

“Your address is already in our files, but for your safety we’ll be following close behind.” He assured you. The rest of the team was jumping into action, grabbing their personal belongings along with copious amounts of gloves and bags you assumed would be for potential evidence.

As you all exited the building and entered your respective vehicles, it was Reid who realized where he’d heard that softness in Hotch’s voice before. It was the same tone he used to use with Hayley, back when things were good.

----

Your house wasn’t far and it was a drive you knew well; grateful for the ability to somewhat distract yourself on the road. The gatesman to your development gave you a real odd look when you told him the two black SUV’s filled with FBI agents were with you, but you couldn’t care less about which neighbor he might spread that info too. Did you see? L/N brought in the FBI, wonder what she’s caught up in. At least all the neighbors and workers had signed airtight NDAs, no one was allowed to talk to any outsiders about the personal happenings of their fellow residents.

Your house was towards the top of the hill, with a great overlook to the ocean. You had only been 20 when you bought the house and you viewed it as the ultimate achievement of all your hard work and determination. You couldn't shake the bad taste in your mouth as you pulled up the driveway. The house felt tainted now, something you were never sure you’d be able to shake.

----

Once again, not exactly how you imagined the entire team entering your house for the first time. Your house was extensive, as were the grounds; the team quickly realized they would probably be here for the rest of the day and well into the night.

You were standing awkwardly in the middle of your foyer, unsure of how to exactly approach this situation. “So, there’s about 10 rooms in the house, not including the kitchen and general living spaces, as well with the basement which is technically one big room. I made maps once as a joke, I think I have some in the office, if you wanted those? Or we could do one big house tour and you can break off that way,” you were so rambling, but them being in your house and why they were in your house was setting in, “or you can just go off however you want-”

“Miss L/N,” JJ said, there was that nice look again, “why don’t you show me around the house so I can get a base level understanding of everything there is. The rest of my team will go start a basic canvas of the inside and the grounds as well.” Thank you JJ.

You nodded at this, glad that someone else was taking control of the situation. Before you could lead JJ towards the kitchen, your phone started to ring, startling you. When did you get this skittish?

“My friend is calling,” you said, holding up your phone, “I gotta take this, I was supposed to meet him for coffee a few minutes ago.” You excused yourself, quickly making your way to an empty room away from the rest of the team. Your friend was annoyed at your more than last minute cancellation, but luckily he didn’t pry too hard and accepted your flimsy “I’m not feeling too well’ excuse on the first go.

“I know, I’m sorry, but I promise I’ll make it up to you as soon as I feel better. Yeah, I love you too. I gotta go, bye.” As you hung up, you could feel a gaze burning into the back of your head. Turning around, you found Aaron staring down at you from the doorway. How long had he been there?

“You should have told us about your boyfriend sooner. Trying to protect him from questioning will only-”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” you exclaimed, a bit too hurriedly, “I, uh, I’m not seeing anyone at all actually, haven’t in a while.” Smooth.

Aaron was smart enough to read through the lines and understand what you had left unsaid. His gaze didn’t give up, but you could’ve swore you saw relief somewhere in his eyes. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to say something, or if he was supposed to say something, or should you walk out, or-

“Neither have I.” Hotch’s voice broke through your thoughts, but just as quickly as he said it, he turned on his heel and left you alone in the room.

----

a/n - if anyone is wondering ive 100% cried multiple times at how kind and supportive everyone has been with me about this story. we’re only 2 chapters in but im already sad for it to end. yes i 100% have a bunch of other wip ideas for hotch. anywaaaaaaay, replies/asks/comments/reblogs/likes always appreciated! thank you so much for reading

Taglist: @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

no permission is given to republish or upload my fics anywhere else. if you see this story not on my tumblr or ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own criminal minds or any of the characters involved

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotchner x reader #hotch #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #'stori writes #in the stars

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havethetimeofyourstyles · 4 years ago

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here it is! the first part of UTCM!

wc: 4.8k

taglist | story masterlist

͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧

With clothes flying across the room, trying to make each article of clothing land in the target of a rectangle, you rummage through your closet, trying to find the specific piece of your most treasured clothing.

One that meant something special to you.

As you dig through your drawer, trying to find the thick, vintage tee your dad had given you (more like you stole it and never gave it back), your hand finally feels the familiar material that has brought you comfort and lots of compliments if you do say so yourself.

With a proud ‘bingo’ escaping your lips, you’re not surprised that it’s the only shirt you folded and gently put into your suitcase. You looked around your room, finding the hurricane of clothing sprawled out on the floor and your bikini top on your lap shade. Laughing a bit, you drop to your knees and begin to pick up your clothes, stuffing it into the suitcase.

You check the time and see that it’s five minutes to 9 AM and your phone rings on your bedside table, knowing you’re behind schedule. You quickly grab your phone, placing it between your shoulder and your ear, and continue grabbing your clothes.

“Yellow?”

“Honey, quit answering the phone like that.” You take the phone from your shoulder and put it at arms reach before sighing, knowing you should’ve looked at the caller ID.

“Hello, mother. How are you on this fine morning?” Your voice changes from playful to proper tone only to tease her.

“Oh, quit it. I was just calling to see if you were all packed and ready.”

“Yup!” You say confidently, looking around your room as it says otherwise. Obviously, packing wasn’t your greatest talent.

It was your best friend’s parent’s anniversary. Minny has informed you a month ago, knowing that you would procrastinate on packing, and to be fair, she was right. Packing wasn’t your favorite, and she knew that. Aww, my best friend knows me so well.

You and Minny have been best friends since you were 7. You two met at school and were in the same class. Because of the two’s last names being right next to each other on the roll call, you were assigned to sit right next to her. Throughout the years in school, you had always remained close. Sure, you two have met other people and became friends with them, but nothing came as close as the bond you have with her.

It was 20 years of eating at lunch together, never missing a day. Sleepovers. Day and night calls to gossip or vent. Laughs. Petty arguments. Crying over stupid boys and girls that broke your heart. Monthly ‘glo the fuck up’ day. Jogging in the park. Living life. And most importantly, love.

Damn, we’re getting old.

“I’m sad I can’t make it to Dan and Lina’s anniversary trip.” Your mother sighed over the phone.

Yours and Minny’s family had practically become one big family when you both turned 10. With occasional sleepovers and meet ups at the mall, your parents had become really great friends with hers.

“I know, Mom. But you practically see them everyday, so it’s fine. They understand why.” You try reasoning out with her.

“I hope so.” She sighs sadly on the phone, and it makes your heart hurt.

“They do understand. Trust me.”

“I wish you were here-” She immediately cuts off.

“Mom, I can go with you. I don’t have to go on Dan and Lina’s trip. Let me call Minny so I can tell her to not come by.”

“No, no!” You pause. “Please, don’t miss out on having fun for me. I want you to have fun. You deserve it.” You nod, even though she can’t see you. You check the time, and know you’re running out of time to finish packing.

“You deserve it too, Mom.” She doesn’t say anything, but you know she’s smiling on the other side of the call.

“Hey, Mom. I gotta go. Minny is almost here to pick me up, so I just wanna double check everything.”

“Of course, honey. I’ll call Lina later. Say hi to Minny for me. I love you.”

“Will do. I love you too.” The door knocks once you hang up the call. Curses scolding yourself for being so lazy and procrastinating fly from your lips as you get the door.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” The last person you were expecting was seeing your ex boyfriend on your doorstep with keys in his hand. He wore rust color corduroy pants, a stripe shirt, and a turquoise jacket that’s stitched on the side. His hair was pushed back by his black sunglasses and he was wearing his pearl necklace. You hate to admit that he looks good and can possibly rock anything he wore, and you despised him for that along with other reasons.

“Wow. No, hi or how are you Harry? I’m doing great, thanks for asking.” He says sarcastically and you roll your eyes, walking back to your room to finish packing. “Well, I see you’re still not that great with organizing your time, or your clothes.” You don’t say anything because you really don’t want to speak to him at the moment, or at all. “I’m assuming Minny didn’t tell you.” Your eyes perk up into confusion.

“Minny didn’t tell me what?” You ask, continuing to fold the last pair of clothes.

“She asked me to pick you up. You know, to take you to the lake house.” If it were possible, steam was coming out of your ears. Why hadn’t Minny told you? You huff loudly for Harry to know that you’re clearly annoyed before grabbing your phone and immediately dialing Minny’s number, and waiting for her to pick up.

Harry looks around your room, seeing as things haven't changed with you, and you want to kick him out as soon as you're done talking to Minny.

“Hey, girl! Are you on your way?” Her voice is high and she clearly is not prepared for what you’re about to give her.

“How can you have Harry pick me up? And why didn’t you tell me that you couldn’t pick me up?”

“Clearly, you’re the best at greeting people anymore.” Harry says, leaning against the door frame as he wears a smirk, and you immediately flick him off. He puts his hand on his chest with an exaggerated jaw drop, pretending to be offended.

“I’m so sorry. I meant to tell you, I promise. But my dumbass of a brother decided to come last minute because his plans got cancelled, and so we were all rushing out the door and putting everything in the car.” You hear Minny’s brother, Jackson, say ‘hey!’ and you sigh.

“It’s okay, I understand.” Not wanting to be annoyed anymore, you brush it off.

“I can find someone else to pick me up, no worries.” Harry raises his hands up as if he’s saying ‘I’m literally here to pick you up.’

“No! Just take the ride from Harry. After all, he is staying at the house too.” Your eyes widen.

“What?! Why would you invite him?”

“You know, you’re doing a lot of talking like I’m not here in the room right now.” You mouth ‘shut up’ to him.

“Please, just go with him. We’re almost there anyways and I don’t want you guys to be late because you want to be difficult. Just ride with him. It’s only like a 3 hour drive and you can sleep on the way, and then not talk to him for the rest of the trip.” She persuades.

Minny was always good at persuading people. In college, both of you were commuting from home and didn’t stay at the dorms, so you didn’t know that many people, especially not in the frat or sorority houses. She had convinced her parents that they needed a weekend to get out of the house and take a nice getaway trip, laying out the pros and cons so she can throw a party. And they really thought her pros outweigh the cons.

“Ugh! Okay, fine.”

“Thank you! Love you! Bye!” She gets off the phone quickly, and you turn to Harry.

“Shall we get on the road?” He smiles. You were finally finished with packing and rolled your luggage to the front, ignoring him. He comes out of your room with your bikini top in his hand, and your eyes widen, forgetting to take it from the lampshade. “Think you forgot this.” He holds it up and you snatch it quickly. And you’re both out the door and possibly going on the worst trip.

Two weeks and I’ll be home.

͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧

Two hours down. One more to go.

The entirety of the car ride had been filled with awkwardness and silence. If music hadn’t been playing, you were sure you were going to explode. Harry had asked you if you were alright about a million times or if you were too hot or cold. You kept your responses to a minimum, replying with ‘yeah, I’m good’ or ‘I’m okay’. Harry was gripping the steering wheel so tight, that he was sure his hand would cramp up when he tried to unlatch. The tension and awkwardness was getting to him. He hated that things had ended up like this between the two of you, but he was willing to change that. He wants to change that.

“R. E. D.” He says suddenly after minutes of not talking, and just listening to the sound of the music and the engine of the car.

“Pardon?” You turn to face him.

“C’mon, you don’t remember the game we used to play when we would go on road trips?” He asks hopefully, looking at you quickly before turning his head back on the road.

Of course you remember. Hours on the road with him, going to the next destination when he was on tour or outside of the city to get away from everything, led you both to play road trip games that included saying 3 random letters and finding it on a license plate. It’s what made traveling fun and the hours on the road much more interesting. Especially with Harry.

“Yeah, I remember.” You say softly, not showing emotion.

“Okay, well, start looking.”

“You weren’t very good at this game.” You say, but quickly close your mouth, not realizing that you’re thinking out loud.

And Harry’s surprised. He knows that your comment was a teasing one, and he was worried that he would t get a single sentence out of your mouth without you yelling in his face. “I’m very good at this game!”

“I mean, considering that my board was filled with tallies, then I would think you’re bad at it.” You let out a chuckle and Harry has a big smile on his face, thinking it’ll hurt his cheeks later on.

“You literally gave me impossible letters to work with!”

“They’re license plates, not people’s names!” You tease.

“Just look for R.E.D!” He ends the conversation. Although he didn’t want to, he knew that you’re most likely going to blow up in his face if you two acted like a happy couple again. He knew that you would overthink about the bad things overlapping the good, and you would go back to resenting him.

And he was right.

After he ended the conversation, you were thinking about what could’ve been between you; what could still be if he weren’t an asshole. The laughs and teasing you two had just a minute ago were replaced with deep breaths, not knowing if one of you should say a thing again.

There were only a few cars on the same road for you; going to different places. You wondered if people going on a road trip had the same situation with you and Harry: the sharp tension that can be cut like a knife or wanting to jump out of the car.

You must have blanked out for a while because Harry had gotten off the highway and onto a secluded street that leads to the lake house.

The drive through the woods with high boulders and tall trees had you speechless. You got as close to the window as possible, looking up like you’ve just seen a shooting star. Nature has always been such a fascination to you. You’ve always loved camping trips and hiking; so much that you’re currently an environmental scientist.

You don’t notice with your head practically sticking out the window, but Harry is having such a hard time keeping his eyes on the road. He thinks that it’s admirable how passionate you are, especially about nature and animals because it’s rare that people end up doing what they love. And he loves seeing you so passionate about what you love.

The drive surrounded by the forest didn’t take long; about 20 minutes, and Harry had already pulled up into the gravel driveway in front of the lake house.

The famous lake house that Lina and Dan have owned for 30 years; ever since they got married. It was a rather large lake house; able to fit two families of four. With brown wood hammered onto the sides and evergreen border along the windows, the house was generally very comfortable and homey. They had kept renovating throughout the years to keep up with the times changing, and they’re loving how modern it looks as of now, but very welcoming at the same time.

“Well, we’re finally here.” Harry says, cutting off the ignition and getting out of the car. You do the same as well and meet him where the truck is popped open, Harry grabbing his bags. You went to reach for it, but Harry slaps your hand away.

“Hey!”

“Don’t worry about the bags. I got them.”

“Thanks.” You give him a soft smile.

“And besides, you’ve packed for like a month when we’re gonna be here for two weeks, and you were barely able to carry it out of your house.” He teases.

“For a matter of fact, I happen to be very strong.” You cross your arms.

“Okay, whatever you say, Captain.” The pet name slipped out. When you and Harry were together, he started calling you Captain because sometimes you can be so aggressive and demanding, but passionate, that it felt like you were the Captain of the ship, which technically you were. You were always in charge, always right, and always planning everything. Captain just stuck, and he thought it was so perfect for you.

The pet name had definitely startled you. You haven’t heard that name come from his lips in forever. And admittingly, you missed it. But you don’t tell him that, of course.

Harry notices your shock and just smiles instead of pushing it. He instead walks towards the car once his hands are full.

“Hey, Harry?” He could’ve sworn that his head got jumbled up at your call for him because of how fast he turned around.

“Yes?”

“R.E.D.” You pointed towards Minny’s car with a smirk on your face. Harry looks at her license plate and his jaw drops, but you see the corners of his lips turn up.

“How did you-”

“You think I don’t know my best friend’s license plate when she’s had this car for 4 years?” Your smile is amusing and Harry has missed this side from you.

“Well done.” He drops the bags and starts clapping.

“Make sure to mark my tally.” You walk past him and towards the house. Harry turns around, watching you walk. Specifically landing his eyes on your hips and watching them sway like you own the fucking world. It’s endearing and he loves it. He loves how sometimes you can walk the whole universe and own it, but he always loves how you shy away from things and look for reassurance. He loves it.

You don’t turn around because with the smile and hint of blush that crept onto your face, it’s bound to be a disaster if he sees it.

“Aye, aye, Captain.” He chuckles before picking up the bags and following your footsteps.

͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧

The inside of the house was opposite of what it looked like from the outside. While the outside was rustic and dark looking, the inside was light and provided very much needed natural lighting due to the big window that overlooks the lake. Sun shines bright through the window and into the house that it almost hurts to look out, but that’s Mother Nature at her finest.

You head up to your usual bedroom that you claimed when you were younger, having taken trips to this house for so many years that your feet just subconsciously took you to your room.

It remained the same: big window that led to a small balcony, wooden frame bed, and a mattress that is the perfect size and comfort for you. The walls were white, and with the light coming through, it made the room look even bigger.

Usually you and Minny would sleep in the same room, but there were enough rooms so you two can have your own. But there were some nights where you would spend the night with her, and her, you.

You hadn’t noticed Harry following you to your room, but when you hear bags drop onto the floor, you jump and turn around. “You scared me.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to. Thought you heard me following you.”

“No, I didn’t. I was just distracted with my thoughts.”

Harry leans against the door frame and crosses his arms. “What about?” He asks curiously.

“Just… haven’t been here in a while, and I miss it.” He only nods, and it quickly goes back to silence. “Thank you for bringing my bags up.” This time, he smiles.

“Not a problem. Let me know if you need anything else, Captain.” You chuckle.

“Will do.” He leaves your room and shuts the door close, knowing you’d probably want to settle in and change into more lounge clothing.

You sit on your bed, facing the window, and look out at the lake. You don’t know what you’re feeling. Before you saw him today, you would just get mad that you’re thinking about him, but that car ride broke every anger that clung onto your body. It was like your mind naturally reacted to Harry in a way that you couldn’t control. You can control anything else, but not with Harry. You naturally felt a pull towards him, and no matter how much you wanted to cut off the string you couldn’t.

You had definitely missed the feeling of being around him, and that makes you angry. Angry at yourself because he hurt you.

You try not to cry with the thoughts swirling in your head. You take in the beautiful view from your bedroom and tell yourself that you shouldn’t be sad because you’ve got a long trip ahead of you.

As you changed into your lounge clothes, you headed downstairs to greet the family that was just back from the backyard.

“Oh, sweetheart! I’m so happy you’re here!” Lina greets you with a warm hug. Dan does the same, giving you a bear hug.

“Happy anniversary! How are you guys?” You ask the married couple.

“We’re doing great! I’m excited this time has come again! We’ve got so much planned.” You smile at their excitement. They turned to look at each other and you can’t help but admire their love for one another, even after all these years.

Yours and Minny’s parents’ love was like no other. You were pretty blessed to grow up around healthy relationships, and can’t help but feel so fond of the love they have for each other and wanting it for yourself.

“The kids are still outside.” Lina kisses your cheek and Dan pats your shoulder before they head to the kitchen.

You walk through the glass slide door that leads to the stunning view of the water that the sun reflects onto. You take a deep inhale in, breathing in the world’s scent. The outside is such a beauty that some people take it for granted.

“Ahh!” The famous screams come from no other than Minny. “You’re here!” She runs to you and you engulf her into a big and hard hitting hug. Jackson also hugs you and runs his hand on top of your head, messing up your hair.

“Dickhead!” You slap his chest.

“How are you, other little sister?”

“Oh, you know, here.” You say, not knowing what to say, so ‘here’ is usually your backup for not really wanting to say how you feel.

Minny rolls her eyes, knowing you all too well for your liking. “How was the drive?”

“It was…interesting.”

“Well, that’s my cue to go.” Jackson walks back to the house, and leaves Minny and I to talk.

“Was it that bad?” Minny asks worriedly.

“No, it wasn’t bad. It was just awkward and there was tension between us. But then we started playing our famous road trip game and I started teasing him, and ugh! I smiled and laughed a little and I hated it.” You huffed and looked down.

“What, why?”

“I-I don’t know. I just… I was expecting to have the worst trip when he showed up at my doorstep, but my mind is taking over.”

“Your mind or your heart?” Minny tests. You don’t reply. You just look at her, not knowing if she genuinely wanted a response or she was just testing you.

“Why did you invite him?” You ask at the wrong time because you don’t hear the sliding door open, revealing Harry.

“Hey, Minny.” He smiles softly at her and steps out of the house to hug her. Your breath was hitched in your throat, feeling guilty about your question because you didn’t hear him.

“Hey, Harry.” She smiles back and hugs him. Once they let go of their embrace, Harry turns to you.

“If you don’t want me here so bad, then the Captain shall be obeyed.” He teases, but you know that he’s more hurt than what he puts on. He puts on a brave face, but really you see it in his eyes that he’s hurt. You know that your question had hurt him and it was just the wrong timing to ask that.

“I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Didn’t you?” His head turns slightly, knowing he’s trying to keep his annoyance intact. His voice is different and sarcastic. Minny senses the shift of tension, so she breaks it.

“I invited him because he’s been my friend as long as you have, so he’s practically family too. He’s been to every trip as well, and besides, my parents love him.” She places her arm on Harry’s shoulder, and you can’t help but feel like they’re teaming up against you. Harry walks ahead of us and goes inside while you and Minny trail behind him. You know you shouldn’t think of it like that because they’re not, but you feel like such a downer once you found out that Harry was tagging along. “Let’s go in and eat lunch!” Minny changes the subject, feeling like that’s what they really needed. “By the way, which letters did he ask for?” Minny asks.

“R.E.D,” you smile amusingly and roll your eyes, giving your best friend the ‘I know right?’ look. She laughs loudly, throwing her head back and clutching her stomach.

“Well that was an easy win for you.” She says and you nod, before putting an arm around your shoulder, walking inside the house for lunch.

Lina had prepared salad, homemade garlic bread, Brussel sprouts, and mashed potatoes. Dan had cooked his famous ribs, one that was his specialty ever since he was a young adult. They didn’t want to cook right when they got to the house, so they prepared it beforehand and took it with them.

The six sat down at the table that was set in front of the window. Dan at the end of the table, Lina on his right, Minny right next to Lina, you on the other end, Harry next to you, and Jackson next to Harry. Everyone was loading food on their plates before passing it around or across the table, Lina making sure everyone got one of each.

“Alright, eat up!”

The conversation flowed throughout the table. The parents asked the kids how work was going, to which everyone responded that it was going well.

“Harry, honey, is your mom and sister planning to stay as well?” Lina asks.

Harry clears his throat and wipes his mouth before replying, “they might come at the end of the week—probably the weekend. Gems couldn’t get out of work, so they’ll only stay for a few days.” She nodded and turned to you.

“Has your mother changed her mind? About coming?” She gives you a sympathetic look.

“I don’t think so. She said she would call you later.” Lina smiles at that. Your eyes naturally gravitated towards Harry and he has a confused look on his face looking back at you, but you look down at your plate before picking up your ribs and taking a bite out of them.

You listen to the conversation while you eat; Dan telling the table a story about a cliff diving incident that happened to Lina when they were in Greece, and the whole table was laughing their ass off, even though they’ve heard it a million times; it never gets old.

You finished your rib and set it down on your plate before wiping your hands down, and before you went to wipe your lips, you felt a napkin, one that’s not yours, wipe your cheek. You turn and see Harry trying to get the stained sauce from your skin.

“Thank you.” You say awkwardly once he’s done, and he gives you a smile followed by a chuckle. He didn’t mean to do that. He knew you were a messy eater and it was a habit that he wiped stuff off your face. A habit that worked well for the both of you, like you were a team. A natural born team.

Once everyone was finished with lunch, it was nearing 2 p.m already, and the group decided to split and do whatever they please as they were going to be all together tomorrow and the rest of the trip.

After everyone helped clean up the table and kitchen, you decided to take a nap before watching the sun set for the day.

Your body hit the mattress and soft pillows that made you feel like you were on a cloud. The room was dark, thanks to the thick curtains that hung from the metal rod. The only light that was shown was a strip of it coming from the curtain not being able to close all the way. You snuggled your pillow, happy you’re finally getting some rest after a long day.

When you woke up, it was still light out, but not as sunny as it was prior to your nap. You stretched your limbs out, relieving the feeling of any tense muscles from your sleep, and walked downstairs and to the backyard.

“Good nap?” Harry says from the lawn chair that is set on the grass. You rub your eyes, nodding while closing the sliding door. There’s a vacant seat next to him, and you’re not quite sure if you want to sit next to him or watch the sun disappear when your feet are in the water. “Want to sit here?” He asks as if he read your mind.

“I-”

“I can see that you’re debating if you want to sit next to me or not, so I can leave and you can sit here if you want.” He says, and you feel bad a bit. He already thinks that you don’t want him here, and he’s simply here for Lina and Dan.

“It’s okay. You can stay. I’m just going to go by the water.” He only nods and you walk away.

The water softly hits the shore and you feel the coldness of it hit your feet. It’s refreshing and cooling, hoping it’ll cool down your nerves and your mood.

You cross your arms as you watch the sun slowly begin to set. The fascination you have with the sun is like no other. It reminds you of the feeling of hope and a new beginning; how the sun setting resembles the end of a story, a day. And tomorrow is a new day.

You can’t help but think about your situation with Harry and how it’s hypocritical to be talking about a new story when you’ve been clinging onto his story. You feel a little stressed keeping the grudge and anger towards him bottled up because he hurt you bad, but you’re also still in love with him.

As the sky turned from light to dark, you turned around to go inside, and to see if Harry was still sitting on the chair. But when you’re walking away from the water and towards the house, you see the chair empty, and you don't know why you have a sad feeling in your chest.

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plaidbooks · 4 years ago

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Everyone Deserves Love chapter 4

A/N: He’s here! Now done with the prologue, Barba has finally made it to the story haha. This is a long chapter, but it’s also a lot of exposition since it takes place 3 years after chapter 3. That’s right, this chapter takes place in season 15, right after Cragen retires. Gonna say now that I tried to keep the timeline of the show as close as I could, but I have taken some liberties (for example, Cragen leaving to Lewis dying is apparently 4 months, which is insanely short). Also, yes, Amaro should be on desk duty at this time, but with a threat on Olivia’s life, she’s not gonna be left alone.

Also, now that this story is in the “present” tense, and with both Devon and Barba, the narrative will switch between the two’s pov. It’s mostly Devon’s, but you do get Barba’s insight, as well

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tags: mentions of rape, mentions of trafficking, alcohol/drinking, knives, guns

Words: 12k+

Courthouse

Wednesday, January 26th. 4:36pm

“We find the defendant guilty,” the juror said before taking their seat. The judge thanked the jury for their services and dismissed the court. On the outside, Rafael Barba showed no emotions aside from a small smirk—ever the smug counselor—and simply gathered his papers, put them in his case, and latched it. On the inside, however, he was many things; relieved, happy, and yes, maybe a little smug. Yet a nagging part of his mind was nervous, if not a little afraid; something he wasn’t quite used to feeling, especially after securing a guilty verdict. Sure, he got the conviction on a top-ranking gang member—one Jorge Ramirez--who was just sent to jail for the rest of his mortal life for trafficking, rape, and murder. But Barba knew that this may put a target on his back in retaliation from Ramirez’s gang…not that he hadn’t dealt with some sort of threats in the past. But this time, his instinct was telling him something was off. He pushed the feeling down, grabbed his case while receiving a very nasty glare from Ramirez as he was pulled away, then turned to see Sergeant Benson and all of the other SVU detectives giving him broad grins or congratulations.

“Guilty on all counts. Nice, Rafael,” Liv said with a pat on his shoulder.

“Let’s hope we can round up the rest of his posse,” Barba replied. “Drinks?”

Flanagan’s Bar

Wednesday, January 26th. 5:06pm

They all agreed that a celebration drink was in order—this had been a rough case all around--and made their way from the courthouse to the cop bar down the street. None of the party were particularly heavy drinkers, but Barba knew that he wanted to leave his mind for a little bit tonight; this wasn’t his first hard case that he had dealt with recently. That being said, Fin only stayed for one drink, saying he had other things to do tonight. Rollins had a couple drinks, then bowed out herself. Amaro mentioned something about facetiming his daughter before she went to bed and headed out shortly after, leaving Liv and Barba alone. They moved from the big, party table to the stools at the bar, chatting idly about the case, then about life; the norm when they were alone together. Barba never admitted it aloud, but he loved their friendship; Liv was smart, strong, and, most importantly, put up with his shit. What they had wasn’t romantic by any standard; it was fully platonic, and they both knew it, regardless of what rumors flew about. But they both cared for each other in a way that was…different from anyone else. These types of relationships seemed to flock to Liv, seeing as she had a team that she worked with daily and trusted with her life. But Barba? Well, he had a couple childhood friends that he’d see around town, though after the business with Muñoz, those friends were fewer and farther in between. Then there was his secretary, Carmen, and a few acquaintances at work—none of these people were actual friends he saw outside of work, besides at the occasional suit and tie benefit dinners his office forced him to attend. Sure, he was friendly…sometimes…with them, and with the SVU detectives, but nothing that was substantial outside of Liv.

“You need a ride home tonight, Rafa?” Olivia asked after she finished her glass of wine. Barba took a look at his scotch; it wasn’t low enough to shoot it back quite yet. And he didn’t want to make Liv wait for him.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I can catch a cab tonight,” he replied with a half-smile. Olivia gave him a look like she knew exactly what he was thinking, feeling. But she decided not to comment on it. She knew he could take care of himself.

“Good night, then. Good win today,” she smiled at him as she stood, putting her jacket on.

“Sleep well,” he replied, returning her smile, before taking a sip of his drink.

Liv grinned. “Oh, I will, knowing that we finally put Ramirez behind bars.” She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, gave him a light squeeze, then headed out into the cold evening. Barba sighed and checked his watch, 9:07pm, later than he thought. He was usually in bed pretty early after a big win, since he normally had to stay up late the previous week preparing. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he couldn’t stop the picture of his quiet loft from flashing across his mind, nor the sudden feeling of loneliness—something that he hasn’t felt in a while. Sure, he has been alone for a long time now, but that never bothered him…much. The truth is, he was usually too busy to really dwell on the fact that his bed, his home, his life, has been empty outside of himself. Plus, the scandal with Alex, Eddy, and Yelina happened only a few, short months ago. And Barba still couldn’t understand how Alex could be doing things like…that…when he got to come home to Yelina at night. YELINA. She was smart, attractive, strong…. Oh, the alcohol was definitely affecting his mood. He’d finish this drink, then head home, end this self-pity spree.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” a soft voice asked to his left.

Barba jumped; sucked into his thoughts, he didn’t hear anyone approaching him. “N-no, uh, help yourself,” he replied, turning his head slightly, but not really looking at the person. He heard the stool pull out and the person—a woman, he realized—sat down next to him.

“Whiskey and coke, please,” she ordered. The bartender nodded and went off to make her drink. There was silence, but Barba could feel her gaze on him. His heart was still racing from her surprise appearance, but now he felt his face heating slightly from her stare. “My name’s Devon, by the way.”

“Rafael.” This time, he turned and gave her a somewhat forced smile. He felt his face turn fully red as he looked her up and down, too dumbstruck to even try and hide it. Devon was, well, beautiful. She had long, brown hair cascading down her back in waves, a plain, black v-neck that hugged her curves, navy jeans, and a heavy black trench coat that she had opened once inside the heat of the bar. The simplicity of her outfit did nothing to diminish her natural beauty, and Barba didn’t really care that he was caught staring. She smiled back at him playfully, knowing full well that she had him on the ropes. Now, Barba knew that the alcohol was definitely guiding his thoughts. Maybe his bed wouldn’t be so lonely with her in it. He squashed down the thought as quickly as it appeared; he was not that type of guy. He did not just pick up random women in a bar. No more scotch for a while.

“You alright there, Rafael?” she asked slowly, letting his name dance across her tongue. His attention snapped back to the bar; at some point, the bartender had given her her drink, and he realized that he had been staring at her, mouth slightly open.

“Yeah, sorry. Just had a long day at work,” he replied, taking a sip from his drink. It was low enough now that he could easily pound it and leave if things got any more awkward. He was heavily debating it, debating just getting the hell out of there before either of them made a move.

She nodded, taking a long pull off of her drink, killing half of it in one sip. She swallowed hard, then said, “I know all about long days.” She sat for a second, eyes unfocused, staring at something only she could see. She shook herself, smiling a bit at whatever thought she had before focusing her brown eyes back on his green ones. “Did you want to talk about it?”

Barba thought for what seemed like a long time, at least to him. On one hand, it would be nice to unload some stress onto a stranger. But on the other hand, he was a pretty private man; he didn’t like discussing cases or work with others, especially such a nasty one. Ramirez was one of the worst he’d seen and…wait a minute. It hit him then and he gave the woman a sideways glance; who was this woman? Why did she suddenly appear when he was alone, drinking, and asking him personal questions? Did…did she possibly work for Ramirez? Was she here to threaten him, hurt him…kill him?

Barba pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the blank screen. “Actually,” he started, slamming his drink, “I just got a call I have to take. It was nice meeting you.” He reached into his wallet, grabbed more than enough for his drinks, and dropped the money onto the counter. He didn’t carry any weapons, and he wasn’t much of a fighter. So, he kept his phone in his hand as he gathered his things. He had Liv’s number pulled up so that he could call her if anything happened; it was the only plan he could think of. He gave Devon—if that was her real name—a tight smile before turning and rushing to the door. Just find a cab, just find a cab, he thought. He figured that if there wasn’t one right outside the bar, then he only had to make it the two blocks to the courthouse to find one. There were always taxis on the main roads, and he was hoping that he could outrun the woman, even in his expensive court suit and dress shoes.

He made it outside and took a deep breath. The cold air stung his lungs, but he was used to New York’s frigid nights; it brought his mind back, sobering him up. There were no taxis in sight, so he quickly started to make his way to the main road. He thought he heard footsteps behind him, but he waved it off as being paranoid; no one was after him, surely. This was all an illusion, brought on by stress and adrenaline. But as he passed a dimly lit alley, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was spun around, then felt a hard hit to his cheek. It all happened so fast, he didn’t even catch a glimpse of who hit him, let alone know what hit him. He stumbled backwards towards the alley, dropping his case and his phone. Pure fear rushed through him, and he threw up his arms in a defensive position.

Flanagan’s Bar

Wednesday, January 26th. 9:45pm

Devon waited to make sure that she was right. She watched the man—Rafael—make his hasty exit, then looked over at the two men who were sitting a little way away from her. Just as she thought, they got up, and started to follow Rafael out. She let out a sigh.

As soon as she had come into the bar, she noticed the tension in the room. Those two men, both Hispanic and wearing similar outfits, had been watching Rafael with such disdain that she knew they were there for him. By the look of the two, they were probably apart of the same gang. And by the look of the suit and the scotch that the man at the bar was drinking, he probably worked for the government. Seeing as this was a notorious cop bar, and that two gang members decided to actually stake someone out in it, Devon put her money on police commissioner, or lawyer. Of course, this happens the first night out after a three-year stint in undercover. And of course, there were no cops in sight. In a fucking cop bar. She just wanted to decompress, have a drink and just relax; she may have been back for a week, but she was just finally feeling up for hitting the town again. Though, she did enjoy the short conversation she had with the flustered, yet handsome, man at the bar. If the circumstances were just a little different, a little simpler, maybe they could have helped each other relax. Oh well. Still a chance for that, Devon thought, ignoring the fact that he seemed to freak out, citing a fake phone call to leave abruptly.

She waited for the two men to stand and head towards the door before she, too, stood, pulling out some crumpled bills and paid for her half-drunk drink. By the time she left the bar, the two men were hot on Rafael’s heels, though he didn’t seem to notice—there was a thin layer of snow on the ground that muffled their footsteps slightly. She realized that there was no time to warn him, so she took off after them instead, careful to not slip on the icy ground, silently thankful that she wore her snow boots. She opened her mouth to yell a warning anyways but was too late; the taller of the men grabbed Rafael by the shoulder, turned him, and punched him in the face. Rafael stumbled to the side, into a dark alley, dropping his attaché and phone as he struggled to stay on his feet.

What is this, a tv show? Devon thought. The two men had followed him into the alley by the time Devon caught up with them. Rafael had his arms up in a mock defense position—in reality, he wouldn’t stop a toddler from punching him--and the two men were descending upon him quickly.

“Hey, mind if I join in?” Devon called in a loud voice. Look at me, she practically screamed. The two men whipped around; the one who had not hit Rafael had a pocketknife gripped in his hand. Seeing as he had a weapon, and was closest to Devon, she set her attention on him. He lunged sloppily towards her with the knife—has this guy even held a knife before?—which she easily blocked. She grabbed his wrist and slammed it against one of the brick alley walls, forcing him to drop the knife. She then brought her knee up into his chest, knocking the wind out of him. Using his forward momentum, she punched him in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground. He fell onto his back, gasping for air. The other man looked to his prone buddy at his feet, then back to Devon, but it was too late; he had left himself open by hesitating. She kicked him in his ribs, sending him into a wall. Then she grabbed his head and slammed it into the wall, not hard enough to break anything, but hard enough that he wasn’t getting back up.

Rafael stood in disbelief, mouth hanging open, dropping his arms to his sides, and looked at the bodies around him, then at Devon. “You alright?” she asked, pulling her coat tightly around her in the cold.

“Y-yeah,” he replied. “Just…just a long day.”

Devon chuckled, then led him out of the alleyway and over to his fallen attaché and phone. She picked them up and handed them to him. “I’m serious, though. Do you need me to take you to the hospital? Or call someone for you?” She grabbed his chin, examining his cheek in the light of the streetlamp.

“No, no, I’m fine.” He pulled out of her grip, cheeks red not entirely from the cold, and looked back to the alley. He ignored the jolt of electricity he felt from the soft touch of her skin. “Should we call an ambulance for them, though? You went a little hard on them.”

“Hard on them? They attacked you, screw them,” she replied, then saw the alarm in his eyes. Right, most people would call for help, even if they attacked him first. “Oh, they’ll be fine. If anything, I should call the cops and have them arrested.” When Rafael didn’t respond, she asked, “why were those guys after you, anyways?”

Devon could see him thinking through his answer carefully. “I think it may be work related,” he finally said.

She didn’t push it; she doubted he’d elaborate anyways. “At least let me walk you to somewhere safer than here.” Rafael didn’t want to voice his objections from the bar, especially after the display in the alley, and so they made their way to the main street, Devon walking a little too close to him. To protect him, she told herself, ignoring the side of her that remarked how attractive this man was. Her heart was still beating fast, though from the fight or from examining his face in the light, she wasn’t sure. She thought about giving him her card with her number on it…for protection…but realized she hadn’t restocked her pockets with them since coming back to New York. Oh well…. Once on the main street, Rafael hailed a cab, and Devon didn’t leave until he had gotten in, thanked her awkwardly, and then disappeared down the street. God, I missed this city, Devon thought. Wish I got in that cab with him, though. Now alone, she headed back to that alley to see if she couldn’t get some answers from the two hitmen. Though, by the time she made it back to the alley, the men were gone, the only sign of them was their footprints all over each other in their scramble to run.

Apartment of Rafael Barba

Wednesday, January 26th. 10:37pm

“I’m telling you, they were working for Ramirez. Probably some low-level Aces,” Barba said into his phone. He made it into his loft, had locked the door, and instantly called Olivia. Even though he couldn’t see her, he knew the expression Liv had; worry, concern, and yet hard determination, her Sergeant side taking over.

“I’ll put an unmarked on your block tonight. We may be stretched a little thin here, but I can give you Amaro or Rollins tomorrow morning, then have them switch shifts at lunch,” Liv replied.

“I’ll take the car tonight, though I doubt they will strike again so soon. And I should be safe at the office and courthouse; too many witnesses.” Barba moved to his freezer, taking an ice pack out. His cheek was killing him, and he winced when he put the cold plastic on it. He slowly made his way to the hallway bathroom to examine himself. I can’t believe I got sucker punched….

“I can have a detective escort you to and from work, keep the uni’s there at night.”

Liv always had an answer for everything. But Barba was never a man to live in fear; he figured that he could simply carry pepper spray or a stun gun and be fine. Now that he knew the Aces were after him, he wouldn’t get jumped again. Plus, Olivia was going to have every precinct after this gang; they’d be rounded up in no time. “I’ll be fine, Liv.”

He could hear her winding up for an argument, one he was determined not to lose. Perhaps sensing this, Liv blew out a long breath. “I’ll have Amaro there, first thing in the morning. Please, for my sake, take the ride.”

Barba sighed. “Fine, but I don’t need a babysitter while at work.” She reluctantly agreed—he had a point about too many witnesses--then said her goodbyes before hanging up. Barba looked into the mirror in his bathroom, gently fingering the bruised skin under his right eye. There was no covering it—he didn’t know how anyways—so that would be some awkward conversations tomorrow. Hopefully he could glare hard enough that no one would ask. He put the icepack back on the spot, wincing again at the pain. He had no idea how he was going to sleep tonight. Adrenaline was still coursing through his veins, especially after recounting the event to Liv. He also wished that he had thanked Devon more—she may not have realized it, but she most likely just saved his life. But one question kept coming back, swimming through the thoughts racing through his mind: who was that woman?

Apartment of Devon Motely

Thursday, January 27th. 7:08am

Devon woke up after a much-needed deep sleep, one she hadn’t had for years. There was nothing quite like sleeping in your own bed to make you feel refreshed. She had been out-of-state for three years, in the life of a made-up woman, in a house that was not hers, talking to people she didn’t know. And while the FBI had people come in a day before she was home, to clean all the dust off the furniture and wash the sheets, it was still weird to be somewhere “new.” There was a peacefulness she gained from being in her home—not just an apartment, but home—but it was still a little jarring coming back to reality. Not to mention the three-hour time difference between here in New York, and where she had been in California. Her sleep schedule in California wasn’t normal, but it made NYC seem a little better; waking up at 7am meant she was a go-getter…just ignore the fact that a week ago, that was 4am. She has spent the whole week home attempting to stay awake later, but it wasn’t happening; she slept when it was dark out, and with the city’s tall buildings, nighttime was earlier than that of the sunny West Coast.

Devon had already spent a couple months with the Fed’s shrink, both in the California branch and her home doctor, and was cleared to work. But her boss knew better, giving her three more months to decompress and return to normal. Not that she was complaining; she had never been undercover for that long before, and it took a bigger toll on her than she thought it would. The hardest part about getting back to normal was picking up her gym routine again; the first day was hell. She wasn’t out-of-shape, but she was definitely out of gym shape. And at first, she was happy when the first day was over, the burn a reminder of where she could grow. That happiness disappeared on the second day of gym. After this week, though, Devon was glad to find her body getting back into the motion of things.

After a long shower, she made her way to her closet. Even after a week of being back, she was still excited to put on some of her own clothes again; her last alias had a decent sense of style but was definitely not her. The college student’s style was oversized hoodies, too-tight shirts, and skinny jeans, while the Madam’s style was skimpy dresses and heavy makeup. Devon’s style, however, was practical; you never know when you may have to kick some ass—as evident with the events from the night before--or deal with a hostage situation. She almost always wore loose-fitting jeans, strong but mobile, and plain, scoop-neck shirts that fit perfectly; low enough to show a hint of cleavage--if only she had a dollar for every perp that hesitated from such a small distraction as a hint of skin--but comfortable enough to run, jump, climb, or whatever else her job required of her. She knew that she fit society’s standards of beauty, but as long as that was true, then it was a weapon she could use to her advantage.

While happy for her own home and clothes, nothing made her more excited than having her personal phone back. She couldn’t risk taking it with her last case—she was given a cell phone for her cover--so she had left it behind. But when she had come back from her trip, she found that couldn’t turn it back on. After a day of fidgeting with it, she had no other choice than to ask for help. Because it had sensitive information on it, she could only ask the FBI techs to fix it for her, something that was not high on the list of priorities for them. She only picked it up last night, after the bar fight—alley fight?—and was too tired to bother with it. Now, she held the power button, smiling as the screen turned on. It wasn’t like she was expecting much in terms of texts or calls; she only had a couple friends, friends who had known she was going undercover, but she wanted to meet up with them immediately to catch up, maybe even warn them about the man who was jumped last night. Even though her boss, Assistant Director Thomas Jenkins, gave her time off, she knew that 1) her boredom would quickly take over and 2) she’d get dragged into something anyways. She always did, especially with her friends being SVU detectives.

Her phone finally loaded, and she noticed that she had two unread texts. Curious, she clicked on them. They were both from the same person; Detective Olivia Benson. She opened them, read them, then sat for a moment, trying to figure out her emotions.

Happy Birthday! sent January 1, 2011 12:00am

I know you’re undercover and won’t see this until much later, but I wish you were here right now. I really need to talk to you. Elliot is gone. sent August 26, 2011 3:08am

The first text pulled on Devon’s heartstrings; she had forgotten how a simple birthday message could make her feel cared about—it was a rare enough occurrence. But that second message made her feel such a heavy amount of confusion, guilt, and sadness. She wasn’t here for her best friend when she needed her most, whether undercover or not. If she had known, she would have called instantly. And what did she mean Elliot is gone? Did he retire? Did he finally transfer out of SVU? Or was it worse; was he killed on the job? Devon clicked the dial button, determined to talk to Liv.

The phone only rang once. “Dev? Is that really you?” was Olivia’s greeting, her voice surprised and hopeful.

“Hey Olivia. Yeah, it’s me. I’m back in town. Can we meet up?” Devon thought it better to talk in person about this, seeing as the text was from over two years ago, barely a year into her UC case.

“Of course. Why don’t you come down to the precinct?”

“I’ll be there in 10,” Devon replied. She hung up and looked around her room. She had a grip that she tended to keep stocked with clothes and essentials, just in case. After waffling about it, she decided to take it with her—if Stabler really was killed, she’d make sure the bastard paid, if Liv hadn’t beaten her to it. She had packed it the day after arriving home, so it was ready to go except for one thing. She grabbed her work laptop and charger, and threw them in the grip before zipping it closed. Last but not least, she grabbed her badge, gun, and her throwing knife that she strapped to the outside of her left thigh—ol’ reliable, as she liked to call it.

SVU Department

Thursday, January 27th. 9:30am

As predicted, it took Devon 9 minutes to get to the 16th precinct, and another minute to make it to SVU. The officers gave her alarmed looks when they saw her with her bulging grip thrown over her shoulder. She flashed her badge but was still shocked when no one attempted to apprehend her; she didn’t recognize any of the officers, but maybe Olivia gave them a head’s up. She took a breath once in the SVU precinct, her shoulders relaxing—a second home when she was in New York. She looked to Liv’s desk, but noticed a man with dark hair sitting there. Noticing her stare, he looked up.

“May I help you?” he asked. Instead of answering, Devon looked at the desk that should’ve been Stabler’s, but saw that it was empty, leaving a heaviness in the pit of her stomach. Now feeling unsettled, she looked to Munch’s desk but saw a blonde woman giving Devon an equally confused look. She vaguely noticed the man reaching for his gun.

“Holy shit, Devon?” a familiar voice said. Devon turned to see Fin coming from the coffeemaker, cup in hand.

Devon felt the tension melt away. “Wow, Fin. I leave for three years and you guys change the whole force?”

He pulled her in for an awkward, half-hug, shocking the other detectives, and said, “it is good to see you, Dev. I thought we may have lost another one.”

By this time, the not-Stabler and not-Munch came over. “Uh, I’m Detective Nick Amaro, and this is Detective Amanda Rollins,” the man said, extending his hand.

Devon shook both of their hands. “I’m Senior Special Agent Devon Motely,”—she saw Fin’s eyebrows raise at the new title—"and as fun as it is to catch up and meet new people, I’m actually here to see Detective Benson.”

“You mean Sergeant Benson,” Fin corrected.

“Sergeant? Now this I gotta see,” Devon said, smiling broadly.

As if on cue, Olivia Benson came out of the captain’s office. “Devon Motely. It is so good to see you.”

Devon pulled away from the other detectives and made her way to Olivia. She gave her a big hug, saying “it’s good to see you, too. Can we talk in private?” Devon could still feel the other detective’s gazes on her back, hear their murmuring.

“Of course,” Liv said. But instead of going to one of the interrogation rooms, as per usual, she led Devon into the office. Devon saw that the décor had changed since the last time she was there, but the biggest change was that the plaque on the desk didn’t say Captain Cragen, but instead read Sgt. Olivia Benson.

“Cragen is gone, too? This is your office?” Devon blurted out. Olivia closed the door behind her, then went to sit behind the desk, motioning Devon to sit across from her.

“Cragen is gone,” she confirmed. “And Munch, and Elliot, too.” She then spent the next hour detailing everything that had happened to the three officers. Devon was relieved to hear that all were still alive, just retired. Again, she felt a pang of guilt and wished that she was there to help them through all the craziness that Olivia outlined. Though she was an FBI agent, Devon had a soft spot for the SVU team; she helped them whenever she could with things that were too…much for the four detectives and captain. Then, Liv started on what she had been going through, recounting her troubles with William Lewis, her relationship with detective Cassidy, their bad luck with ADA’s—“though, we have a good one, now. Hopefully he stays on”—and ended on a short, but informative, description of both of the new detectives.

Devon listened intently, and once she was done talking, she sat in silence for a moment, taking everything in. Her guilt was mounting new heights; while she was fucking around in California, her best friend was going through some of the worst experiences of her life. Then, she asked in a low voice, “do you want me to deal with Lewis?”

Olivia caught her meaning, shaking her head. “No, no, it’s fine. He’s not an issue anymore; he’ll be in jail for life.”

Devon nodded. “That just makes it easier to get rid of him. If you ever want me to, I want to be your first call.”

Ignoring what Devon just implied, Liv changed the subject. “So, tell me about your adventures in San Francisco.” Devon’s demeanor changed from plotting murder to one of exhaustion. She let out a sigh, then recounted her three-year UC case in California. She had been posing as a college student by day, and a Madam at night. She worked her way through parties meeting girls, then pimps, then finally, the pimp’s bosses. She felt terrible about the things she had to do; selling girls, drugs, and much worse. She was happy to be back here, where she didn’t have to fake having an interest in those types of things, where she could just arrest the bastards instead of joining them.

“So, when I turned on my phone today, I saw your text. I know that it was from a while ago, and that you are probably over it by now, but I thought I’d still check in on you,” Devon concluded. In her retelling of the last three years, she had completely forgotten about the attractive man in a suit at the bar the night before.

A wave of emotions flashed through Olivia’s eyes, though she kept her face mostly neutral. “You know, I felt terrible about sending that text to you. I knew you didn’t have your phone, and in a moment of—of emotional weakness, I sent it. And it’s not fair to you that I did that. But at the time, I thought that maybe, just maybe, you were able to see it and talk to me, to help me through that time. To let me vent and talk, even if you couldn’t reply, but just to have someone listen.” Olivia had tears in her eyes, which she quickly blinked away. “I also meant to text you again, but any time I opened our conversation, I would see that last message I sent. And I’d feel the guilt all over again.”

Feeling emotional herself, Devon replied, “I’m not mad or upset; I get it Liv, I really do.” Devon put her hands on the desk, palms up. Olivia placed her hands gently into Devon’s, and the agent started rubbing comforting circles into the back of Liv’s hands with her thumbs. “And I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me most. It must have been so, so hard for you to lose Stabler after so long. Do you keep in touch with him at all?”

Liv shook her head. “No, no. In the beginning, I thought about it. At night, when I couldn’t sleep, or when a nightmare would rip me awake before dawn. But I knew that it was for the best, for both of us, to just…cut all ties to him.”

Devon let the silence drag on for a little, continuing to rub little circles in the Sergeant’s skin, letting the conversation rest. “Well, I’m back for the foreseeable future. And I got promoted. And my boss even gave me three months off, if you can believe that!” she let out a laugh, trying to break the tension. They released each other’s hands, the moment over. “Plus, look at you! A Sergeant, and in the big boss’s office, no less.”

Liv smiled and opened her mouth to answer, when her phone lit up, vibrating on her desk. “Benson,” she answered, holding up a finger to Devon. Devon waited patiently while whoever was on the other line talked her ear off. “What? When?” Liv waited a second, “okay, I’ll be right there. I think I have someone that you should meet,” her eyes locked with Devon’s, “just stay there.” With that, she hung up, rubbed her temples for a moment, then got up and grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair.

Devon stood up quickly. “What happened? Everything okay?”

“Uh, about that time off that your boss gave you—”

Devon cut her off, “what do you need me for?” Devon was nothing if not loyal.

Olivia smirked. “How about a 24/7 protection detail, overseeing a sarcastic, pain-in-the-ass that we lovingly call our ADA?”

Devon had a rush of thoughts in the matter of seconds—spending 24/7 with someone she didn’t know, on alert at all waking hours, her exhaustion since just getting home, plus Olivia’s description of the victim—but she still said, “whatever you need.” She was glad to help Liv, especially to make up for the past three years, whether Liv thought Devon needed to make up for lost time or not. And with the sudden rush of adrenaline, she could feel her exhaustion ebbing away. Plus, what else were friends for?

“Thank you so much. Come on, I’ll explain everything on the way.”

Courthouse

Thursday, January 27th. 11:16am

As Olivia, Devon, and Detective Amaro, who was grabbed on the way out, pulled up to the courthouse, Devon summarized the conversation of the car ride. “So, let me get this straight; you and Rollins took down a gang leader, with this ADA Barba, pushing him into jail for life, and now the gang has a target on all of your backs? No offense, but why not just let me take down the gang instead of posting me up with an attorney?” She grabbed her grip out of the trunk and followed Liv and Amaro to the stairs.

Liv scoffed. “Because Barba was attacked in a crowded courthouse, with unis posted at every door, and yet someone was able to sneak in, armed with a pistol, and take aim at our ADA.” Liv saw that Devon was gearing up to argue more, but she cut her off, “look, we’re all covered at SVU; we already have leads on some of the big hitters in the Aces. And it would really help if I had someone that I could trust watching Barba so that I, or any of the other detectives, don’t have to.” She had a point, so Devon kept her mouth shut. Olivia wasn’t one to suggest things of importance without a reason.

They made their way up the stairs, past the cops that were mulling around, talking about whatever they were talking about, and into the courthouse. The crime scene wasn’t hard to find; it was roped off with caution tape and there were cops everywhere. Devon looked at the wall next to where they were congregating and saw two bullet holes in the concrete. She noticed a couple things at once; no blood, no EMTs, no CSU, which all adds up to no victim. Good, the perp missed his target—no doubt this ADA Barba that Liv was having Devon watch. Devon knew that he was alive—Olivia wouldn’t have brought her to watch him if he wasn’t here—but no one else was injured, either.

“What happened here?” Amaro asked an officer. He gave him a rundown of the facts; a young, white man walked towards Barba while he was on his way to court. He reached into his pocket; unis saw him as he raised the gun. One cop yelled a warning, tackling Barba out of the way, while the other cop on the door took down the man. He got two shots off but missed his mark, striking the wall. The cops arrested him and escorted Barba to his office down the street to await Liv’s arrival after he was cleared from EMTs; no injuries besides a bruised ego.

Gaining all the information they needed, Devon followed the sergeant and detective out, then down the street to 1 Hogan Place. Once inside the DA’s building, they made their way to the elevator. As the doors closed, Devon asked Liv, “hey, are you and Rollins safe? Are you sure there’s not a hit out on you, too?”

“Neither of us have been alone since Barba was attacked earlier. We’re not taking any chances on this one. This is why I need someone I can trust watching Barba; I can’t spare any manpower on it, and god knows we don’t need the Feds tied up in this.” Well, that explained Amaro hovering over Liv’s shoulder, like a bodyguard.

Devon sighed, “yeah, I hear you. But I want to be kept in the loop; names, faces, tattoos, anything and everything. I want to be able to pick out one of these jerks before they have a shot at Barba.”

“Of course,” Liv replied. The elevator doors opened, and they briskly walked to Barba’s office. There were four cops posted outside the door, which was shut. Liv nodded first to the frazzled-looking paralegal seated at her desk, then to the officers, and they moved to allow the three of them in.

“Barba, are you alright?” Liv asked when she saw him, pacing in front of his desk restlessly.

“I’m fine. But I want that bastard arraigned today, and then I have a case that I’m late for already, but these idiots aren’t letting me leave. I need to—” Barba’s outburst was cut short when he saw Devon, who also froze.

Following his line of sight, Liv said, “right, ADA Rafael Barba, this is Senior Special Agent Devon Motely. Devon, this is Barba.”

Barba swallowed past the lump in his throat, eyes narrowing. “Yeah, we’ve met before,” he said, eyes never leaving Devon’s.

It was Amaro’s turn to speak. He grinned in disbelief, “what? When?”

“Last night. In a dingy bar and then again in a dark alley,” Devon answered, making Amaro’s eyebrows raise. If she wasn’t still in such shock, she would’ve shot him a glare.

Liv’s eyes widened. “You’re the one that stopped those men from assaulting Barba? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“One, I didn’t know that was the ‘earlier attack’ you mentioned until just now. And two, he introduced himself as Rafael. I didn’t know his last name or his profession,” Devon explained, before muttering, “glad to see I was already doing this job before I knew it.”

Barba took this time to mentally collect himself, finally ripping his eyes away from the agent and furrowing his brow at Olivia. “Job, what job?”

Liv looked back to him. “Look Barba, I know that last night, you denied having protection. But after this, you need to have someone watching your back.”

“No, I don’t need a babysitter watching me, especially FBI. Why are the Feds even getting involved—”

“Barba look around! You were almost shot outside of a courtroom. You got lucky that he missed. You are going to have protection until this is over,” Olivia ordered.

Barba scoffed. “Over? Do you think that this is just going to go away in a day or two? That if you arrest one or two of these bastards that they’ll back off? I’m not living in fear, Olivia.”

“I know, I know,” Liv adopted her calm, quiet voice that she used with victims, “but I’m not letting you get killed over this. Devon is good; she’s willing to stay for the long haul.”

“Can you not talk about me like I’m not here, please?” Devon piped in. Barba rolled his eyes and plopped down behind his desk, running his hands through his hair roughly, while Liv huffed out a heavy sigh and Amaro stood to the side awkwardly, watching this all play out. “Look, I may just be the ‘babysitter,’ but I’m not working as FBI for this. This is a favor for Liv. Besides, I’ve done this before. Barba, you have nothing to worry about; I’ll be a shadow. You don’t need to talk to me, you don’t need to look at me, you don’t even need to acknowledge that I’m there. I’ll just be your bodyguard.”

“I. Don’t. Need. A bodyguard,” he said through gritted teeth. He slammed his hands down on his desk in frustration, exhaling through flared nostrils.

Liv and Devon exchanged a look. Liv nodded. Perfect, play hardball, Devon’s favorite.

“Fine, I’ll say this in terms you will understand, counselor. As Sergeant Benson said, I am good; you saw that last night. So, whether you like it or not, you will be under my protection until Sergeant Benson says otherwise. You may try, but you will not be able to lose me. I’m going to stay on you, make sure you are protected from all attacks, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me,” Barba opened his mouth, but Devon pressed on, “now, you can make this easier on yourself. Allow me to do my job, allow me to help you, and I will be as I said before, a shadow. Or fight me on this, and I’ll be the biggest thorn in your side. It’s up to you, Mr. Barba.”

Barba gave an impressive glare, aimed at Liv before turning those bright green eyes onto Devon. He seemed to be working through his thoughts, debating on if this fight was worth it. Apparently, it wasn’t, because he huffed angrily and spat out, “fine. But as soon as this is over, I better never see you again.”

“Deal,” Devon said, smirking.

Liv grinned, looking slightly amused, glancing at the both of them. “Well, I’m glad that’s taken care of. Keep me updated.” Still sporting matching smirks, Amaro and Olivia turned to leave, the latter shooting Devon an apologetic smile. Thanks, Liv, she thought ruefully, wondering if she bit off more than she could chew this time.

Once alone, Devon looked at Barba, who had his head in his hands. “Would you like me to sit across from you, or against the wall behind you?”

Barba didn’t even look up from his desk that he was currently staring a hole through. “I thought I didn’t have to talk to you?”

“And I thought you had a court appointment?” She shot back, shrugging out of her jacket easily, tossing it to the couch, making herself at home.

Barba looked up then. He looked at Devon, really looked, as if he hadn’t seen her yet. She was just as beautiful as she was last night; she was tall, fit, well dressed. In the light of day, he could see the corded muscle in her arms and neck. But her image was tainted in his mind now; he didn’t want someone having to watch his back, even if it was a logical move, something he wouldn’t admit. He knew that Liv had his best interests in mind, and he did feel slightly safer having an FBI agent assigned to him, not that he would admit it out loud. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that this woman had somehow betrayed him. Even if she had saved him the night before, these attacks didn’t happen until she showed up into his life. Which wasn’t fair to her—it was because of the Aces and Ramirez, Barba knew—but he couldn’t separate the events in his mind.

“I got a text from the judge during your…speech. It got pushed to tomorrow, 9am.”

Devon thought for a moment before asking, “do you have any more court appearances today? Or any meetings?”

“No. I plan on being here in my office the rest of the day, prepping the four cases I now have tomorrow.” With that, Barba pulled out some paperwork and a couple of law books. Taking the hint that the conversation was over, Devon pulled one of the chairs from in front of his desk and pushed it to the side of his desk, enough space between it and the desk that she’d be directly in Barba’s blind spot. Before sitting, however, she walked over to the windows and pulled down the blinds, making the office a bit darker, but making it so no one could look in—even though they weren’t on the ground level, Devon didn’t want any unwanted attention from surrounding buildings. She looked at the closed door, seeing that the unis from earlier were still posted outside; four of them, two on each side. She wondered how long they’d stay before they made excuses to leave. Satisfied, she walked back to the chair she had moved and took a seat.

Devon looked sideways at Barba, trying to figure him out; he seemed like just a normal dude last night, albeit a little awkward, flustered even. A normal dude in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now, though, she wasn’t so sure. He had an explosive anger—though that was a pretty normal reaction that people had when they had a bodyguard forced onto them, let alone a couple attempts on their life—but going by the fight, or lack thereof, he was all bark and no bite. But she couldn’t be sure of that, either. She had met previous ADAs that worked with SVU. And while Devon wouldn’t exactly call them fighters in the physical sense, they did know their way around a courtroom. And if Olivia liked him, then she was sure that Barba probably wasn’t that bad of a guy…and he also probably knew how to win convictions as well.

Devon then wondered how she had gotten here. Two weeks ago, she was in California; she was working as a madam, working her way through the ranks up a huge sex trafficking ring. Two weeks ago, she was pinning down a high-ranking trafficker, one in charge of bringing in all the girls for eight different brothels. Two weeks ago, the madam was arrested, as was almost everyone involved in the trafficking and brothels, and Devon was snuck out of the state.

Last week, she was in therapy, spilling everything that had happened, and her feelings on the matter, to a therapist, who actually deemed her as “mentally sound” after only four days. And then, she was back in New York. She had done her normal prep after getting home; she had a debrief with her boss, a check in with the shrink here, she unpacked and repacked her two-week grip, she dismantled, cleaned, and reassembled her guns—her normal glock and her drop gun--and she sharpened her knives. She went to get a drink, something that was denied to her for over three years, and something that she needed so that she could simply relax for the first time since she left. Then that man, sitting right in front of her, was at the bar. He was trouble; she knew from the moment she walked in and saw those two men—Aces—targeting him. But just how much trouble, she had no idea. She got into a fight, if you can call it that, and then heard how her best friend’s entire life had basically completely changed. And now, she was ripped out of her life before it even got a chance to be normal again.

“If you have a question, just ask, instead of staring at me the whole time you’re here,” Barba said dryly.

Devon started; she didn’t even notice she was staring. She cleared her throat. “I do have a question, actually.” Barba stopped scribbling, putting his pen down and looked at her, mildly annoyed. “Has your home been compromised?”

He sighed, picking his pen back up and looking at the notepad once more, clearly not taking her seriously. “Not as far as I’m aware.”

“Okay, that’s good. Even so, we should think about it as if it has been. There’re three options; one, we stay at your place with some extra precautions. Two, I set up a third-party place, like a hotel; don’t worry about cost, I’ll cover it. Or three, we stay at my place.” Barba raised an eyebrow. “Keep your mind out of the gutter; I have a guest room and two bathrooms. I also have extra security on my doors and windows that I had installed.”

“I’d rather stay in my own home, thank you,” he replied, not catching the fact that she had said ‘we.’ He continued writing, clearly done with the conversation. Smiling to herself, Devon pulled her laptop out of her grip and opened it. This ADA was headstrong, like most ADAs assigned to SVU, but she already liked him for some reason. She wasn’t sure why quite yet, but she learned to trust the instinct. Once connected to the internet, she got started on her own work.

Office of Rafael Barba

1 Hogan Place

Thursday, January 27th. 9:15pm

By the time Barba had finished for the night, well, as much as he was going to do, it was dark outside. He looked at the clock, sighing at the late time; he always tried to be out of the office by 7 at the latest, but time had gotten away from him, especially since his mind was rattled. It was harder to focus on the cases after everything that had happened the past two days, plus the extra day he was granted for the case that was pushed just made him more stressed. He sighed again, feeling the pressure that tomorrow would be. Then, he cleared his desk, pushing papers into his briefcase in an order that only he understood. He stood and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair. He heard the sound of a laptop closing and jumped, startled.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” Devon said, placing her laptop in her bag and zipping it up. How did he forget that she was there?

“Sorry, I forgot you were checking Facebook all day,” he replied, rolling his eyes, trying to slow his racing heart. It was only a laptop closing. Get a grip on yourself, he thought, chiding himself. Devon slung her grip over her shoulder but said nothing, a small smile on her lips. Barba put on his jacket and walked to the door. Devon was there instantly; she gently put her hand on his stomach and nudged him away from the door. Barba rolled his eyes again, annoyed at the theatrics, as she opened the door, checking every direction for anything out of the ordinary. The unis that were posted had long since left, as had Carmen; the building was empty, silent. Devon had her gun drawn and motioned for Barba to follow her.

“Is this all necessary?” he asked sardonically. Even with his tone, however, he stuck close to her.

“Honestly? Probably not, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful,” she replied. They made their way quickly through the DA’s building, Devon checking every corner and hallway, Barba thinking it ridiculous, over-the-top. “Did you drive here, by the way? Or should I order a rideshare?”

“I was dropped off by Detective Amaro this morning,” Barba said. “Seems Olivia doesn’t want me to be alone since last night.”

“I’d ask why Amaro didn’t stay with you, but if your outburst from earlier is any indication, I think I know the answer.”

Barba bristled, but said nothing. They both made it in and out of the elevator, then to the double doors leading outside. Devon stopped him, opened the door a smidge, and examined outside. After a moment, she opened the door wider, slipping out, but still motioning for Barba to stay put. Huffing, he opened the other door and walked out into the brisk night air, making his way to the street.

“Fucking really?” Devon asked, hurrying to catch up to him. There were no immediate dangers around, just a few stragglers walking down the darken streets, so Devon pointed her gun to the ground, more discreet this way.

“Come on Motely, you’ve seen how unorganized the Aces’ have been in their attempts on my life. I highly doubt there would be one waiting outside the DA’s building, especially this late. Probably got too bored waiting for me to come out.”

Devon made it to the curb, hailing a cab, thinking it safer and faster than waiting for a rideshare. As one pulled over to admit them, she said, “they’ve failed twice now, attacking you while you were at a bar and while you were in the courthouse. Honestly, they may be getting angrier or worse, desperate. So yes, I will expect them outside your place of work, along with at your home, the grocery store you shop at, and any other place you may frequent, no matter what time it is.” They both got in, Devon forcing Barba to sit behind the taxi driver—harder for the driver to attack directly behind himself—while she took the other backseat. “Besides, I’d rather be safe than sorry. And I think Liv may actually kill me if you were to get hurt on my watch.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said that I agree with,” he smirked. Barba knew he was being difficult, and he wasn’t entirely sure why; there had been two attempts on his life in two days, one that left an angry red mark on his face that everyone was too smart, or scared, to ask about, and another that still makes his heart beat faster when he thinks of it, the sound of the gunshots still echoing in his mind. Now that he had time to sit and think about it, he thought that his anger was a mix of stress from his job—he was doing four cases at once, two of which were tough cases to begin with—and a fear that someone actually took a hit out on him. He’d been an ADA for over a decade; he’s gotten multiple threats, everything from violence to him and/or his family to death threats. But this was the first time someone had actually tried to follow through with it. He sighed, deciding to not take his emotional outrage out on Motely; it wasn’t her fault that she got lumped into this. He had to check his rage, especially now when any mistake could be the difference between living his life and being six feet under.

“Can you give me a quick layout of your place?” Devon asked, jolting Barba out of his thoughts. He agreed, spending the rest of the drive filling in the broad details of his loft; it was smaller than he would like, to be honest, but it was cheaper and close to the courthouse. He had a full floor to himself; a living room, kitchen, two bathrooms—though one was a master bathroom connected to the master bedroom—and two bedrooms. There were only windows in the living room and the master bedroom, the fire escape outside the bedroom window.

The cab pulled to the curb; Devon paid the driver, then followed Barba up the couple steps to the glass door of the building. He opened it, and she followed him in, to the elevator, then down the short hallway to the front door of his loft. She allowed him to unlock the door and walk into the living room before stopping him. She took off her grip and placed it on a couch—there was only a loveseat and an armchair around a coffee table--locked the front door, then unholstered her gun once more.

“Anything out of place?” she asked, not looking at him but rather looking down the hallway to the master bedroom, watching the dark doors lining the walls. There wasn’t much to check in the living room; besides the couch, chair, and table, Barba had a simple TV stand with a TV on it, two bookshelves side-by-side, filled mostly with law books and other scholarly literature he kept from college, and a few, minimalistic wall art hangings. He wasn’t a home designer, and he was hardly home as it was, so he never felt the need to decorate. Once he declined, Devon said, “okay good. Now, place your whole hand on my back, and do not remove it until I say so.” Barba opened his mouth to ask, decided against it, and did as she asked.

Once Devon felt his strong hand lay hesitantly between her shoulder blades, the warmth of his skin sinking through the fabric of her shirt, she started to move through the loft. Barba missed a step, not expecting her to move. He then followed, hand staying on her muscular back. She checked every room, gun aimed at chest height, looking in the closets and under the bed, before ending in the master bedroom, announcing that the home was cleared and reholstering her gun.

“You can have your hand back,” she said while checking the locks on the windows.

“May I ask why I did that?” he asked, dropping his hand to his side. He could still feel the pull of her muscles moving under her shirt, even though he was no longer touching her. He stripped his suit jacket and tie, placed them on a hanger, and hung them on his closet door. Normally, he took it off by the front door and threw it over a chair, but something about having a guest over, especially one he didn’t know, made him want to not look like a total disaster. Though, he noticed with a hint of embarrassment, Devon did go through the guest bedroom, if you could call it that, during her sweep. That room had become a second office to Barba; it was a mess of files, papers, books, and other miscellaneous things that made no sense to anyone except Barba, though he wasn’t even sure what some of it was. There was no bed, no dressers, nothing that actually made it a bedroom. Only a small desk and a lonely desk lamp.

Devon gave him a look that said, just do what you’re told, before explaining. “Because I’ve found that it’s the easiest way to protect someone while also scanning a home. If you go in front of me, you have a chance of being assaulted if there is someone here. Likewise, if I abandoned you by the door, someone could blitz you while I’m back in the master room. It just makes sense to have you touching me, so I know you’re safe while I’m also a human shield.”

Barba didn’t want to know how many times she had failed to protect someone to have found out this method of protection. Seemingly approving of the locks on the bedroom windows, Devon moved to other rooms in the house, checking for ways to break in. Thankfully, his loft was on the 5th floor, so besides the fire escape, there wasn’t a real way to break in—unless he had some very, very determined hitman after him. After checking all the windows, she went to the front door. Unlocking it, she checked the hallway quickly before looking at the locking mechanism in the door; it had a normal deadbolt and a chain near eyelevel. There was also a peephole; otherwise, it was a normal door. She huffed when she noticed the screws holding the hinges on.

“Did you honestly move in here without changing at least the screws in the door?” she admonished.

Barba never thought about it before. “Uh, yes?” Devon shook her head.

“You should install some thicker, longer screws; makes it harder to kick your door down.” Devon then rummaged through her grip, pulling out a doorstop.

“A doorstop? Really? That will protect us if someone kicks the door down?”

Devon rolled her eyes. “Of course not. This is a screaming doorstop; once armed, if this door moves at all, that alarm will wake up the whole damn building.”

Barba looked impressed. “Why the hell do you even know about a device like that?”’

Devon laughed, “I may be an FBI agent, but I’m still a woman. Damsel in Defense is a god-send for living as a woman in the city.”

Grabbing the doorstop, she flipped a switch on it, then wedged it under the door. She then glanced at the clock on her phone, noticing it was getting close to 10pm. “Hey, it’s getting kinda late; what time do you normally go to bed?” she asked, realizing that neither of them had had dinner.

Barba looked at his watch, seemingly also unaware of the passage of time. He had to be in court at 9, which meant he had to be in his office at 7 tomorrow morning and now he was faced with the decision that he had almost every night; stay awake and work on his upcoming cases or get a decent night of sleep. He almost always chose the former, he’d just get a strong coffee or three before court tomorrow. But another part of him was desperate to be alone with his thoughts, to really absorbed the events happening in his life right now. Maybe he’d work for a little bit, then figure out a polite way to kick Motely out for the night, something he very much knew he’d fail at.

“It varies, but it’ll probably be around midnight for me tonight…hopefully,” he debated for a moment before saying, “I’m not planning on leaving at all tonight if you wanted to go sleep for a little. I’m leaving here at six tomorrow morning.”

Completely missing the hint, Devon replied, “ah, no worries. I normally go to sleep around that time, too. You won’t be bothering me at all.” To prove her point, she pulled out her laptop, plugged it in to the wall, and sat down in the armchair with it. Feeling like that was a failure to dislodge her, but unwilling to try again at this moment, Barba sighed. He pulled out the paperwork he was doing in his office, and spread it over the coffee table, taking a seat on the couch.

They worked silently for a couple hours before Barba spoke without looking up. “What are you even doing on that laptop?” As focused as he had been on his casework, the constant clicking of keys as Devon typed crept into his brain.

Devon gave him a wicked grin before she replied, “Facebook, remember?” When Barba shot back a glare, she huffed out a laugh. “I’m looking through the FBI’s database on the Aces. I want to know everything I can about them, seeing as I may have to deal with a couple of them in the coming months.”

“What have you found?” he asked, his paperwork completely forgotten. He got up, came over to the armchair, and sat on an arm, leaning in so that he could see the screen. Devon had the leader—Jorge Ramirez—on the screen, with a quick summation of his profile. She also had the two men from the alley and the man that took a shot at Barba today, whose name was Jake Peterson. He couldn’t help but notice that the two men from the alley, Jose and Rogelio Olivera, both had AT LARGE written in their profiles.

“Well, it’s a relatively small gang based in Manhattan; only 65 members, at least on file. Most are Hispanic, drug dealers, and traffickers...seems like their leader, Ramirez, was the bad one. Probably why he was the leader. Though, they do have a couple of white men hired on as frontmen; they’re the ones that sell drugs to the wealthy businessmen because, and I quote, ‘white men are more trustworthy to the rich bastards.’” They looked at each other, “hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t write it. But it makes sense; most capitalist pigs are deeply racist.”

“65 members, though? You’re right, that is small, but it will still take the cops time to catch them all,” the unsaid words hung in the air, tangible, but not claimed, it’s going to take a while for life to go back to normal.

“So far, only two are incarcerated, Jorge Ramirez and Jake Peterson. Looking through the profiles that I can pull up, it seems like only a few of them have actually murdered before, but not as an active profession. Not to get too cocky, but I think that’s a good sign for you; I should be able to take on anyone who threatens you. Unless, of course, you decide that you want to go wherever you want instead of listening to me.”

Barba flinched inwardly at the slight venom in her voice. He had to work on controlling that spite of his. “You’re right,” he said begrudgingly. “From now on, I’ll follow your lead.” He looked down at her, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

She looked up at him, returning the smile. “That’s all I can ask of you. I know it’s not an ideal situation, but I am here to help.” They sat there for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. Maybe protecting the ADA wouldn’t be too bad, maybe this wouldn’t drive a wedge between her’s and Liv’s friendship. And maybe, just maybe, they’d both get out alive at the end of this.

Barba looked into her eyes, lit by her laptop’s screen. He could listen to her, follow orders, like the good lapdog people wished he would be. He knew, deep down, that she was there to protect him; even if it was a ‘favor’ from Olivia, he could tell that Devon’s job meant a lot to her, that she was taking this seriously. He’d have to remember to thank Liv later, if he survived this. He suddenly realized that he didn’t want Devon to leave tonight; he felt safe here, in her presences.

They both seemed to notice at the same time how they were sitting; Barba had been leaning down closer to her face, and she was leaning closer to his leg, cheek almost brushing against his pantleg. He stood up, hiding the blush that spread across his cheeks as he noticed how close to his crotch she had been, how inappropriate it was. She sat up a little straighter and seemed to find her screen very interesting all of a sudden.

“Well, I think it’s about time I went to bed,” Barba said, stretching. He packed up all the papers into appropriate folders and placed them in his briefcase, so that he wouldn’t forget them in the morning.

“That’s probably a good idea. What time do you get up? Do you eat breakfast, have coffee? Anything I can help with?”

Barba was surprised by the questions. “Uh, around 5:00, no, no, and no.” Once he collected his thoughts a little, he explained, “I get up, I shower, I dress. Then I leave.”

“Simple, I like it. See you in the morning,” Devon trilled.

Confused, Barba didn’t move as Devon closed her laptop and put it on the table. She then stretched herself out on the loveseat, as much as she could since it was shorter than she was, putting her head on one of the pillows he kept on it.

“I—I take it you’re staying here tonight?” Barba asked, incredulous at her brazenness.

“Uh, yeah? You heard Sergeant Benson, I’m sure; ‘24/7 protection.’ That includes overnights, Barba.”

He felt the weight of those words; he was seriously going to be with this stranger all day, every day, for who knew how long. “I just…I didn’t expect—”

“It always catches people off guard the first night. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to me. And besides, our deal is that after the Aces are gone, you never have to see me again. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to change out of these clothes.”

Barba’s face went bright red as he hurried to his room. He could swear he heard Devon chuckling as he went. After a couple moments, he heard the guest bathroom door close. Suddenly remembering his hospitality, he went to his closet, grabbing one of his extra blankets, and made his way back out to the living room. He moved quickly, suddenly embarrassed about seeing Devon in pajamas, huffing out a goodnight as he passed by the bathroom as he retreated back to his room before she had a chance to emerge. Again, he could’ve sworn he heard her laughing as he hurried by. Why was he so embarrassed?

He faintly remembered the night before, how lonely he had felt in the bar. Now that he had a roommate thrust upon him, he wasn’t sure if he liked it. Not like there was much he could do about it now. And with that thought from the night before, the other memories came back, how pretty he thought she was, how he had entertained the idea of bringing her back here, even if only for a moment—

No, he wouldn’t, couldn’t think about that, especially with her right on the other side of his bedroom door, stretched out on his couch, sleeping under his blanket. God, what was happening to him? He still didn’t even really know this woman! He had to be more careful, reign in his emotions; she was an FBI agent, assigned to him to make sure he lived through this threat on his life. Nothing more, nothing less. Though, he had to admit that she was probably going to be around for a while. Might as well get to know her, he thought ruefully. He tried not to get too excited about the thought.

#everyone deserves love #edl #everyone deserves love chapter 4 #edl ch 4 #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #barba x oc #rafael barba x oc #fanfic #my writing #this is not a sponsored ad for damsel in defense #but it is a good source of cool stuff

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oureuphoria · 5 years ago

Text

Worst of You - JJK 05

You meet him under horrible circumstances but that doesn’t stop you from developing a very abnormal and completely unsolicited crush on your local hot police officer™. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. Oh, and he has a lifetime’s worth of emotional baggage at 23.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know that you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2,521

Note: If you don’t imagine that vine of the kid taking a sip of his mother alcohol when Y/N takes a sip of the wine then I will be very disappointed.

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

It was 3:15 and Jungkook was nowhere to be seen. You decided to play a game to distract yourself but you (ironically) lost track of time prompting you to completely miss Jungkook’s arrival which prompted him to watch you curse at geometry dash for a good 7 minutes. He cleared his throat to get your attention which startled you, enough so to have you fumble your phone to the ground with a loud bang that had a couple of people looking your way.

“So, where’s my congratulations cake?” You asked while simultaneously checking your phone for blemishes. Fortunately, the screen wasn’t cracked, unlike your cool moments ago. “The best I can do is a muffin, take it or leave it.” You giggled in response but the sound mellowed down into a soft silence. It wasn’t awkward at first but you quickly got fidgety under his stare.

“So I needed at least 90% to maintain my 4.0 GPA but I got 89.9% and my professor refuses to round it. Can you arrest him for that?” The question may have sounded playful but you were in no way kidding. One more slip up and you could kiss your scholarship goodbye. “No. Y/N, 89% is great, don’t stress.” You nodded with a forced smile that Jungkook hadn’t noticed (or if he did, he didn’t comment on it) and for that you were grateful.

“Look, I know this is kind of sudden but I need a favour?” You hummed in reply, gesturing for him to continue. “Do you think you could baby sit my kids.” You dropped your phone again in shock and Jungkook facepalmed in shame. “My brother’s kids! Not mine, I don’t have kids.” He reached for your phone while you did and your hands touched for what could be described as a split second. You - being the melodramatic pre-teen that you are - had to suppress the urge to squeal at the very minor touch.

“How old are they?” You loved kids (aged 3-9) but babies scared you and you wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. “My niece is 7 and my nephew is 4.” “I can babysit them but are you sure your brother won’t mind?” Jungkook winced at the mention of his brother. He was quiet for a moment before he started shaking his head disapprovingly. “We just won’t tell him.” His fear was almost comical and you would’ve laughed if you weren’t afraid the sound would break him.

“They’ll be in good hands. Trust me.” And he did, he just hoped his older brother would too. “So, when am I babysitting them?” “This Friday, if that’s okay? They’re staying with me for the weekend but I have a work dinner scheduled that night so if you could occupy them from around 6-10 that’d be great.” You gave him a thumbs up in approval, mouth full of strawberry cheesecake. “Thank’s Y/N. I owe you.”

You didn’t mean to leave your roommate in the dark about the two children that would be occupying your dorm for a few hours but the entire ordeal slipped your mind. In fact, when Jungkook showed up on Friday, you had been completely unprepared. “Oh, hello…” You waved at the kids who moved to hide behind their uncles legs - an act you remember doing before you were too big to hide behind people. Once your eyes had trailed down though, your focus shifted to Jungkook’s gorgeous thighs and your thoughts took a sharp 180. He was clad in black trousers and a slightly unbuttoned dress shirt and to say you weren’t practically drooling over him would be a lie.

“Okay, Luna take care of your brother. Alan, don’t break anything.” He lectured them cutely and you wondered how he ever managed to yell at hardened criminals with that soft face but you’d seen him mad and he definitely wasn’t a force to be reckoned with. The children nodded dutifully and you couldn’t help but smile. They were so small and cute and you were quickly finding yourself becoming quite excited to hang out with them.

“They both haven’t had dinner yet but you can feed them anything, Luna is really well behaved but she can be a bit sassy. Alan has an issue with grabbing random things but if he gets too out of hand just give him his iPad in his bag, he’ll know what to do. Okay, thank you so much. I have to go, bye!” Jungkook spoke so fast that you almost questioned if he spoke at all. You turned to the kids with a sheepish smile and a simple question to break the tension. “So, who want’s to play Just Dance?”

After a night of G-rated video games, McDonald’s and a very self-indulgent amount of baby Yoda, both kids were finally asleep on your couch and Alex had just gotten home. “Hey, who are the kids?” She quietly set her keys down before walking to the kitchen to get a glass of water, her eyes trained on the mini people draped over your couch. “They’re kids I’m babysitting; for a friend.” She nodded absentmindedly and you assumed from her quiet demeanour that something was off. You decided to ignore it. “So, um, we have a dorm inspection in a month. You should probably clean your room.” She waved you off with a nod and a flick of the wrist while she made her way to her room. You sighed and looked at the sleeping kids. “She’s not going to clean her room is she?” You whispered to particularly no one.

It was around 11pm when Jungkook eventually showed up. He scooped both of the sleeping kids into his arms and bid you farewell without a second to spare. The apartment suddenly felt empty and a nagging headache began to become apparent.

You let yourself fall back onto the couch with a huff, this was the life you were destined for. You were everyone’s second choice. The back-up plan, the plan B. You were a constant in a world that was continuously changing and yet you weren’t even a good one. You couldn’t dwell over your uselessness for long though. You had a paper to write and feelings for Jungkook that you needed to get over.

Unfortunately for you, Alex was upset and when Alex is upset she does some pretty reckless things. Like, calling her ex-boyfriend, for example who is now not so quietly comforting her in the only way he knew how. The Jimin way that always - without fail - keeps you awake for far longer than you anticipated.

You walked into your morning class the following day with a giant cup of coffee and a pair of sunglasses to hide the pain that glowed in your baggy eyes. You couldn’t keep the glasses on during the class though and just as you took them off, Jimin rushed to make a snarky comment.

“You look like death today.” “I blame your high pitched moaning, daddy.” Jimin might’ve been aroused by your use of his (not-so) secret kink but you looked like you wanted him dead and the venom dripping from your voice proved it. “At least I’m getting laid.” You rolled your eyes and decided to not press further. The two of you could argue till the end of time and in that moment you just needed to focus until the end of the class.

After 96 dreadful minutes of your human anatomy teacher’s droning, you managed to make it out of the class alive but not without catching the attention of William who was now chasing you down no matter how hard you avoided his gaze. “Hey, Y/N.” You smiled forcefully and hoped that your exhausted exterior didn’t come off as bitchy - but that was a stretch. “The officer told me that the attacker had no motive for doing what they did, so don’t worry, they’re not out for you or anything.” William smiled, laughing a little at the joke you seriously didn’t mean to crack. Did you even make a joke? You needed sleep, and fast.

The rest of the day went pretty much the same. You continued plaguing your college campus like a cast member of the walking dead with barely any purpose and motivation. Because the world hated you, you didn’t get home until 6pm and your exhaustion pretty much decided you’d be skipping lunch and dinner for whatever semblance of sleep you could get.

You were in the midst of brushing your teeth through the dull ache of your tiredness (because dental hygiene is important, you’re not scared of the dentist), when there was a knock on your door. You assumed it was Alex who had a history for forgetting her keys but when you opened the door, clad in iron man themed pyjamas, you were met with Jungkook who was visibly, not Alex.

You might’ve asked something like why he was here or how he got through the building door but your toothbrush was still in your mouth and the situation was getting awkward. “Get dressed, I’m taking you to dinner.” You gave him a weird look as you held your hand out to ask him to wait. You rushed to the bathroom to finish brushing your teeth before returning to the door which Jungkook was leaning on to tell him, “but I brushed my teeth.”

Jungkook scoffed at your excuse with both astonishment and annoyance. “It’s 6pm.” He retorted while his eyes skimmed your very small dorm to sit on your even smaller chair. “I wasn’t planning on eating!” He waved you off before taking out his phone. “Go get dressed so I can repay you for the babysitting.” You gave him a small glare, although you were hungry, you were more tired and all you wanted to do was sleep. “Couldn’t you have just given me $20 like any other person?” Jungkook doesn’t move his stare off his phone while he replies. “Where’s the fun in that? Now go get changed.”

You stuck your tongue out at him (even though you knew he couldn’t see it) before stomping off to your room to change into something more appropriate. Judging by Jungkook’s choice of fancy attire, this was probably going to be some fancy restaurant where you couldn’t pronounce anything and everything cost more than your rent so you decided to wear a light pink dress. You didn’t spend that long getting ready, in fact 90% of the time you were trying to fit all of your necessities into a tiny (impractical) purse because it was the fanciest thing you owned.

“You seriously wore a dress with sneakers?” Sure, expecting a compliment or a simple wow, Y/N may have been a little delusional but you certainly were not expecting him to insult your precious pink Fila disruptors. You didn’t reply as you trudged behind him with a scowl on your face.

“Where are we going, anyway?” You asked with a voice laced with annoyance as you stepped into his terrifyingly fancy car. You didn’t even want to know how much that thing costs to insure. He didn’t answer your question which you found pretty rude but the glare on his face stifled any complaint you were going to make. You watched Jungkook drive which would’ve been a lot more innocent if he wasn’t smirking every 3 minutes and annoying you even more.

The entire drive was composed of awkward silence and unanswered questions before he eventually he pulled into bright driveway before getting out handing his keys to the man who ran the valet service.

Wait, valet service?

“This looks expensive, honestly I would’ve been fine with the $20.” You whispered to Jungkook before you walked inside but all he did was chuckle. “Y/N, it’s fine, it’s just a restaurant.” That, was a blatant lie. It was one of the most renowned Italian restaurants in New York and it was incredibly hard to get into but of course you didn’t know that so you were up for a pleasant surprise once you opened the menu.

“Oh shit, this is no-price-on-the-menu fancy.” You whispered to no one in particular but Jungkook picked up on the incoherent sound. “What?” “Nothing!” You quickly squeaked out. You were not going to let a simple menu intimidate you. Unfortunately, the entire thing was in Italian and you failed all the language classes that you took in high school.

“Order whatever you want, yeah?” Jungkook was hoping you weren’t intimidated by the prices but unbeknownst to him, that was the last of your concerns. You nodded slowly; too focused on trying to comprehend what the menu said. “You know what, I’ll just get whatever you get.” Jungkook looked at you with masked concern that you wouldn’t have been able to notice if not for his revealing eyes. “Why? Do you not like Italian?” “No, it’s not that. I just don’t know what’s good here so, I trust you.” You lied straight through your teeth with a cunning smile that even had you fooled. Jungkook nodded and didn’t say much more. “Well, I usually get the steak.” You could feel the panic settling in. You hated steak - with a passion.

“I lied, I don’t know how to read this menu at all.” You blurted out before he could call the waiter and braced yourself for his degrading laugh. He did laugh but you were thankful for his guidance after. He explained pretty much the entire menu to you before you decided on getting some kind of pasta.

After Jungkook had ordered, (you’d rather stay out ordering food unless it’s completely necessary) another waiter followed quickly after and asked if you wanted any wine. Jungkook nodded but the waiter assumed it was for the both of you so he poured you a glass as well. You watched Jungkook’s eyes widen in fear when he noticed but before he could say anything the waiter was on his way. You looked at the glass with obvious fascination that Jungkook was positive on shutting down.

“Y/N if you drink that I will literally arrest you right here." “Yikes, okay, I’m sorry.” Your apology was sarcastic but he relaxed nonetheless; a mistake, on his part, because you were immediately picking up the glass to take a sip anyway. “Y/N!” You didn’t hear Jungkook berating you over the deafening scream of your tongue as the disgusting liquid went down your throat. “That was horrible, how can you drink that?” You spoke through your coughing fit while Jungkook carefully removed the glass from your grasp, calling a waiter over to take it away and bring back a coke instead. “You’re an idiot and now a convicted felon.”

You gave him a sheepish smile in return. “I was curious…” He shook his head in disapproval but didn’t press further; he found it hard to stay angry at you. You spent the rest of the night trying to make him laugh with your really (subjectively) funny dad jokes. He didn’t laugh but you blamed it on his dead sense of humour which Jungkook thought was a reasonable excuse.

“Y/N.” You cocked your head up to look at him with a frustrated expression. Who knew pasta was so hard to eat? “What?” You tried to say though it came out muffled as you tried to eat. “It’s sad watching you eat.” “It’s not my fault the pasta is so slippery!” He grabbed the fork out of your hand and effortlessly spun the pasta around your fork. You scoffed in astonishment but Jungkook decided to ignore your frustration. “Open.” You felt like a toddler, Jungkook (a grown man) was feeding you (an allegedly grown woman) pasta because you couldn’t figure out how the mechanism worked.

After you finished eating, the room was engulfed with an awkward silence. The distant voices and the clatter of cutlery filled the void although it wasn’t nearly enough. “So, you up for dessert?” You shook your head quickly, you were so exhausted you could’ve sleep right on the uncomfortable chair. “I’m too full.” Jungkook nodded and asked a waiter for the bill. You curiously tried to take a peek at the total but Jungkook snatched the bill towards him before you had the chance. “Think of it as payment for taking care of my niece and nephew.” It seemed like a little too much for just babysitting but you knew there was no point in arguing with him.

The entire car ride was quiet. You were too busy trying to conjure up the courage to ask Jungkook out (properly) and Jungkook was too busy trying not to crash the car. The moment his car was in front of your building, you blurted out the question before you could stop yourself. “Jungkook, can I ask you a question?” He was a taken aback by the abrupt question but he nodded nonetheless.

“I um… I like you, a lot and I just don’t want to get my hopes up and expect anything from you because that’s unfair and of course I don’t expect anything now I just…” You trailed off once you realised you had been rambling but Jungkook didn’t seem to notice. His expression seemed entirely indifferent and you wondered if you had even confessed at all.

The silence was getting incredibly uncomfortable so you tried to diffuse the situation you had unwillingly created. “It’s fine if you don’t! It’s just a crush. I’ll get over it eventually so really-” Halfway through your rambling, Jungkook crashed his lips onto yours and you froze. Now, you’ve been kissed before, but never like this and the lack of warning shocked you enough to have you accidentally bite the poor man’s lip. “Ow. What the fuck Y/N?” You began apologising profusely while he held his lip and though the mood was definitely ruined, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m sorry! Are you okay?" “I’m fine. Goodnight Y/N.” You were about to leave the car before you quickly turned around and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, then you hurriedly screamed ‘thank you’ and sprinted into your dorm building. Jungkook drove away with his heart heavy and his mind racing. He may have just ruined his entire plan.You on the other hand just realised you never got an answer.

#jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts fic #bts

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harryskalechips · 5 years ago

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Will we ever be more than friends? Part 2

A/N I did not edit oops! anyways, here is part two because an angel must’ve enjoyed the last one. Thank you here’s your request! ♡

Words: 1775

Part 1

“Yeah, I think so? I mean you like her, she must have some good qualities.” I reply back whispering. I keep my gaze on the screen as I try my best to appear not interested at all. He twirls his finger around one of the curls in my hair and laughs.

“Trust me on this one, I really like Caitlin. I met her at Niall’s party last month. I thought a simple fuck would do but I couldn’t stop thinking about her after that.” I look at him and roll my eyes at his shallow behaviour. I take more popcorn into my mouth and continue to watch.

“Look, Harry, I know you said the same thing about other girls before but if you’re really serious about this one, you need to show it.”

“And how would I do that?”

“I don’t know, maybe ask her out?” I can’t believe I’m helping the guy I love to get another girl. Maybe I like putting myself in pain?

“I think I already did that.” He laughs and runs his thumb over my eyebrow. I stand up and laugh along with him, trying to mask my disappointment.

“No, why won’t you try being romantic? Like bring her on a nice dinner date and formally ask her to be your girlfriend.” I shrug my shoulders and play with his phone in my hands.

“Ask her to be my girlfriend? Last time I asked someone out it was you like last summer ago. I got rejected so bad.” He fakes a pout. I playfully slap him and he laughs pulling me by the elbow to sit closer to him.

“I only rejected you because you were drunk and you probably didn’t even mean it.” I talk quietly, trying to look at the flowers in the vase that Anne recently put.

“Still though, you’re the only girl who broke my heart and will be the only girl I’ll give permission to do it again.” As I stare into his eyes, I can feel this connection between us. It’s familiar because I’ve always acknowledged its presence. As I feel myself leaning forward into kissing him, the light suddenly turns on and Anne appears by the door.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry!” She smiles widely. “Just wanted to ask Y/N, are you staying over for the night?” I quickly sit up in Harry’s sweatshirt and my sweatpants, looking too comfortable in their house. I take my phone and smile back.

“No actually, I think I’m gonna drive back now, It’s uh getting late.” As we awkwardly part ways and I’m in my bed again, I can’t stop thinking about tonight. Does Harry like me? He definitely sent some signals. If he doesn’t, maybe I should get over him. The only question is if I can.

-A Week Later-

“Hey Y/N, I’m Caitlin. It’s so nice to meet you!” She leans in for a hug as I greet them two at Jack Astor’s. She’s pretty. Her long curled blonde hair and a sweet scent that matched her perfect physique, no wonder Harry liked her. She was just his type.

I couldn’t be the third wheel to them so I decided to bring a date plus it gave me an opportunity to get over Harry. Maybe if I see him with Caitlin more, it would push me to give someone else my attention. Am I a smart ass or what?

“Hi Caitlin, this is my date, Alex. Alex, this is Harry my best friend I told you about, and his girlfriend Caitlin.” Alex sits up and handshakes the couple as they soon sit in front of us. Alex is pretty charming and just talking with him while waiting for Harry and Caitlin made me realize how much potential we have.

“I didn’t know Y/N was bringing a date?” Harry gives a confused look as he takes off his jacket and slides in his seat. “You know Alex, feel special. She hasn’t been on one in a while.” Harry tries to crack a joke. Caitlin slaps his arm secretly that I caught on. Never knew, I’d feel this embarrassed.

“Yeah, she’s mentioned that to me. I actually do feel very special though, I’ve been trying to ask her out for ages but she kept rejecting me. Now though, I can finally spend time with her even if it’s just for a double date.” Caitlin awes loudly as Harry looks intensely at his menu, just nodding along. I smile at Alex for his comment and laugh.

“I’m sure we will have another date where it will be just you and I.” I flirt back and try to make him feel more comfortable despite Harry’s cold attitude. Harry though seemed to have enough the topic since he closes his menu and looks at me weirdly.

“I’m sure you guys know what you want since you guys were here before us. I’ll just call the waiter.” Hary interrupts.

As dinner goes by, I can feel some tension at the table. Was it just me, or was it real?

“You know Y/N, I never got to thank you for pushing Harry to actually asking me out. I was practically dying when we went out the other time and he never asked the question.” Caitlin gushes over her boyfriend as she eats a fry from her plate

“Oh really, that’s good. Hey, a sister can always help another sister out.”

“Yeah. Now, I can say my girlfriend is this pretty lady beside me.” Harry wraps his arm around her and kisses her cheek. I suddenly feel my heart crack. It wasn’t the first time Harry showed affection to a different girl. It’s just this time, this girl was probably the most serious he’s ever been with. It’s okay, it’s okay. I try to reassure myself.

“I hope one day, I can call this beautiful one beside me too.” Alex blushes as he takes a bite of his pasta. I would reply back but I felt too down about the display in front of me. God, why am I so whipped for him?

“Your girlfriend? Honestly, she would probably bore you to death! When I’m with Y/N all she does is talk about celebrities and random shit! What do you say Y/N?” He pauses sarcastically. “I can’t even remember because she rambles too much.” Harry laughs as he avoids looking at me, taking a sip from his beer. Caitlin awkwardly shifts in her seat as I stare at Harry with fire raging in my eyes.

“I think she’s cute when she rambles.” Alex shrugs his shoulders and wraps his arm around me too. He obviously realized that the boy in front of me was insulting me. Harry stares at him after his act but all Alex can do is stare back at him. Yeah, there is tension but about what? How Harry my supposedly best friend, is supposed to have my back and not degrade me?

“Well, you won’t find it cute when you find out she’s practically in love with me,” Harry says nonchalantly, continuing to stare at him. Alex’s eyes widen as Caitlin looks at me in shock. As on cue, I throw my napkin from my lap on the table and leave. I can’t believe Harry knew I was in love with him! And what now? he uses it to push guys away from me? what the actual fuck!

“Y/N, Please stop running!” Harry chases me outside the restaurant. There was still a light breeze and the moon was the only thing in the dark sky.

“Fuck you, Harry,” I scream back at him trying to find my keys in my bag. “Fuck where are they?!” Harry pulls my keys out from my back pocket. As I try to reach forward for them he brings them higher.

“I’m sorry, Y/N! Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that in there!” I cry more and lean back on my car just looking at him. Thankfully, no one was here in the parking lot and was inside eating.

“I’m so fucking tired of loving you,” I whisper. “What’s fucked up is that you knew the whole fucking time I was in love with you, Harry. You just kept me here to be beside you! So what? You can use me? When every time a girl uses you, you can just lean on me!” I scream at him and punched at his chest.

“You’re supposed to be there for me. You’re my best friend.” he throws my keys on the floor and uses his arm to shield me from people exciting the restaurant. He uses his other hand to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I didn’t know how to tell you I knew you were in love with me. I just- I felt it because you’re just with me and I heard your mom telling mine!”

“Fucking jerk.” I sob and hit him again. “you’re so arrogant that you just knew I was in love with you just like all the other girls who worship you at your feet?” I lean my head back. “You know Harry if you’re such a smart ass. You can know this. I don’t want to love you anymore. I’m so fucking tired of you and all you wanted to do was just continue to hurt me!” I take my keys angrily off the floor and unlock my car.

“Please don’t leave me.” He whimpers and falls onto his knees. My heart clenches seeing him fall onto the gravel as others can see.

“Harry stop.” I try to wipe the tears from my eyes.

“No, Y/N how do you think I knew you loved me. I love you too! I have always been in love with you!”

“Are you trying to make me feel better? Stop playing yourself, you didn’t harry! You didn’t.”

“I remember the first day you talked to me in Ms. Richardson’s class... you had an orange flower in your hair.” He pauses but then continues on, “Before you tried to talk to me, you would always look for me during recess and stare at me in class. During Prom, I knew your date had a bet going on with his friends that he would ditch you at prom during the night so I made you ditched him before he got to. Why do you think I got so drunk that night? I just- there are so many times when I wanted to tell you I love you but how could I when you’re my best friend! A girlfriend can happen but it will always lead to a breakup but our friendship is what kept us together and I just can’t gamble that away.”

“Harry, I have to go.” I proceed to sit in my car, starting it up. He stands up and rubs his face in frustration. I roll my window down before I leave. “Make sure you drive Caitlin home. She’s a nice girl. I do like her for you.” And with that, it was the last time I saw Harry during senior year of high school until...

part 3 (final)

#Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles oneshots #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #best friend #best friend!harry

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callmebaby-era-yixing · 4 years ago

Text

Cut You A Piece

Mark is terrified of getting married.

Word Count: 8773 (just kinda dipping my toes in writing, I DID NOT PROOFREAD THIS)

Mark x OC // Johnny x Y/N

TW - Angst, suicidal moments, death, minor curse words

Based off this song

Nervous was an understatement, he was terrified. Mark stood in front of the full length mirror picking at his black tux. His necktie was crooked, his sleeve had random dust on it, even his hair was betraying him by being too fluffy. Jackie always said that his fluffy hair was one of her favorite things about him. She said it made him "adorable and approachable," which of course Mark was grateful for since it was what encouraged her to approach him first.

Back then, Mark would have never imagined that the girl who made a sudden compliment on his hair would become his wife to be. But here he was, fidgeting with the pink rose on his chest and repeatedly patting his pocket to make sure the ring was still there.

Mark's breath caught in his throat as he went to check again. A sigh of relief followed out of his lips soon after. It was still there.

He shook his arms and legs trying to shake out some of his nerves. Mark attempted to clear his head for the 10th time in the last hour, only to fail again. He was marrying the love of his life yet he couldn't stop worrying about everything that could happen. Not with the wedding, he was sure that would go peacefully, but with what would happen after.

He was worried because Jackie was mortal. Obviously, he was mortal too but more importantly, Jackie was. She could be taken away from him at any time, even by accident. Did he really want to get married if there's a possibility that she could die tomorrow? Maybe not getting married would make it hurt less. He'd still lose his soulmate but at least then it would be his girlfriend, not his wife. He had seen what it was like to lose a wife when Johnny lost Y/N.

He ran his fingers through his newly dyed hair as he released a huff of air. Jackie had made a request that they both color their hair pink for the special day to surprise the guests. Mark hadn't seen the color on her yet but he already knew she would look like perfection personified. A mental image of her popped into his head and all previous thoughts of not marrying her disappeared for a moment. He was 100% certain he wouldn't survive losing her but he wanted this more than anything.

The sound of footsteps pulled Mark from the mirror. The man was barely able to completely turn away before a rowdy group of men burst into the room. The 6 groomsmen surrounded the pink haired man and began teasing him.

"Our Mark Lee is getting married," Haechan cheerfully hollered with a bottle of sparkling cider in hand. His yell seemed to trigger the rest to join in with their own screams. Jackie decided to make the wedding alcohol free since she knew the boys didn't need its influence to be hyper.

"Your hair is so pink!" Chenle reached to ruffle the groom's hair but was blocked by Jaemin.

"Aren't you excited?" Jisung seemed to be the only one who noticed the conflicted expression on Mark's face. Upon hearing the youngest's question, everyone else quieted down to examine the situation themselves.

"I am," Mark started, "I just don't want to lose her." His voice was laced with worry. Not wanting to make eye contact with any of his friends, he instead glanced over all of their grey suits. Jackie picked the colors: pink, grey, black, and white.

"Lose her?" Renjun laughed. "You're literally about to marry her!"

"Not like that!" Mark defended. Glancing over to Renjun, he continued in a mumble, "like Y/N."

At the mention of the girl, the group fell into a thick silence.

"You shouldn't think about that," Haechan quietly asserted.

"It's hard not to. You saw how Johnny was when it happened. He's stronger than I am and he barely got through it," Mark paused, "actually he never got through it!"

Placing his hand on the groom's shoulder, Haechan comforted, "Just because that happened to them, doesn't mean that'll happen to you."

"I know, it's just.." Mark drifted off. Too many memories of Johnny and Y/N were running through his head.

"Maybe I should stop smoking. What do you think?"

Mark was shocked to say the least. Johnny had been smoking since 8th grade and now, nearly 8 years later, he was speaking of quitting. Mark had told him many times to stop only to be ignored. "I told you to quit years ago, man!"

Smirking, Johnny replied, "well, I didn't want to then. Now I do."

"What changed?"

"You know that girl Y/N?"

Stuffing another slice of pizza in his face, Mark dug in his memories for the name Y/N. "Umm," he pondered out loud, "isn't that the girl you called a loner last year?"

"She and I have been hanging out since the school year started. Turns out neither of us are big fans of our psych class," Johnny explained smugly. "She said I always smell like a bus stop bench after I smoke." The tall male couldn't help but let out a laugh recalling the bold comment from the normally quiet girl. "So I was thinking of stopping or taking a break from smoking at least."

Not believing what he heard, Mark stared at his older friend waiting for him to say psych. Not hearing it, he asked, "Do you have a crush on her or something? Since when do you care about what you smell like to some girl? School started like 3 weeks ago and you're already changing yourself for her. I mean, like it's a good change but still, already?"

This was one of the first times Mark had ever seen Johnny get shy. "I don't know man. She's just different than I thought." A light blush painted Johnny's cheeks as he thought back to his conversations with Y/N. "I might like her," he admitted as he went to pour himself a shot of vodka. Bottle mid air, Johnny paused, "should I stop drinking too?"

"This is too weird, man." Mark shuttered.

"I know right."

Y/N was nervous, Mark could tell. She was quiet the whole night. She was normally quiet, but Mark assumed she would open up some more since she was meeting her boyfriend's friends for the first time. Instead, she barely spoke 2 sentences from her arrival.

Johnny kept her close the whole night, probably for her comfort. He held his arms around her waist while he made conversation with Jungwoo. She wasn't invested in what they were talking about but was content being in his arms. Her eyes glanced about the party that her boyfriend arranged just to introduce her to everyone. She honestly couldn't see herself hanging out with them very often, but Johnny made it a big deal to combine his favorite people and she couldn't disappoint him.

Mark had said probably 4 words to her before he started talking with his friends. He was happy for his friend, however he didn't see the point of trying to become close when he knew that Y/N would not be comfortable this soon.

"What do you think of Y/N?" Yuta asked Mark suddenly.

"She's okay. She makes Johnny happy so I guess she's cool?" Mark answered honestly.

"Yeah sure. I heard him talking about signing up for tutoring because of her, something about wanting to 'deserve' her," Yuta scoffed. He had been pissy ever since the relationship started. Mark assumed it was because Johnny decided to work on himself and was no longer Yuta's partner in crime. "I mean, I'm happy he's happy but it's like she's controlling him."

Mark turned his attention to Y/N "controlling" Johnny. She was looking up at him with stars in her brown eyes. It was clear that she loved him despite only being official for a month. In between sentences, Johnny would look down at her, smile, and place a small kiss on her cheek which only caused the stars in her eyes to grow bigger. That scene let Mark know all he needed to know: Y/N was just as whipped for Johnny as he was for her.

A smile imprinted on Mark's face. Seeing his friend so in love with someone who matched the affection was relaxing. To be honest, Mark had been worried for Johnny with his rebel past, the older male having a history of not thinking of his future. Y/N was helping build him into a better person but Mark was proud of him for actually doing the work needed to get there. For that, Mark was grateful to both of them.

"You've known her for like a year and a half! You guys have been dating for slightly less than that!" Mark had been trying to reason with Johnny for the past hour.

"Y/N and I have known each other for a year and 9 months exactly. We've been dating for a year and 6 months. I think we're ready!"

"You're thinking about proposing, bro!"

"I'm not 'thinking' about it, Mark," Johnny clarified, "I already got the ring."

Mark's eyes were wide and his mouth sat agape. His friend had invited him out to lunch just to spring this news on him. Johnny tried to casually slip in that he's going to ask Y/N to marry him but Mark caught on quicker than expected. He, of course, voiced his concerns about Johnny proposing. Mark's concerns doubled when Johnny announced that his plan was to be acted out during their graduation.

"Let's be real, Mark. If it wasn't for Y/N, I wouldn't be graduating at all! I love her," the last sentence was said with so much love and sincerity that Mark couldn't doubt it for a millisecond. Johnny had a goofy smile on his face just from speaking of his girlfriend. "We both know that I was pissing my life away before she told me to get my shit together. I would literally die for her."

"I don't doubt you love her, man. I'm just saying that maybe you should wait longer. Marriage is a major deal, you're basically giving her a piece of yourself. Don't you think you should give it a little more time?"

Grinning, Johnny didn't hesitate to reply, "nope."

Sighing, Mark asked the question that he needed to know to continue the conversation, "I'm not talking you out of this, am I?"

Somehow smiling even wider, Johnny repeated, "nope."

"If you think about what happened like that, it'll ruin the whole day," Renjun started gently, "Jackie is probably already nervous, hearing that you're freaking out won't help."

"It's not like I'm trying to! I just can't help thinking about it." Mark was telling the truth, he hadn't thought about it in the better part of 2 years until that moment. The man hadn’t even spoken to Johnny in about 3. He didn't want to think about the memory but it brought up a certainty that he had been able to avoid before: whether it's today, tomorrow, in 2 years, or 70, he was going to have to go on without Jackie at some point. The only way to challenge that would be if he passed first, which still wasn't ideal.

A low chime rang out through the room. Jeno reached for his phone in his back pocket and scanned the text he had received. "Doyoung said that they are ready to start whenever." Shutting off the screen, he looked up at the husband-to-be. "You love Jackie. She loves you. Marry her or you'll regret it." Nothing else was said as he walked out of the room to get in place for the ceremony.

Giving Mark another look of sympathy, Jisung and Chenle followed Jeno out. One by one, the remaining groomsmen made their exit too, each giving Mark a word of encouragement or a pat on the back.

Alone, Mark turned back to the mirror to make final adjustments to his appearance. Deciding that his tie won't get straighter and his hair won't get any better, he did one last shake and set off for the ceremony.

Jackie chose the perfect venue, in Mark's opinion. The entire building had white walls with gold and grey accents thrown here and there. Mark felt that his hair could be seen a mile away against the walls. The ceilings were about 2 stories high, which only made the space more airy, something the groom was thankful for at this moment where breathing was difficult. The floor was covered in a beautiful white carpet, nothing thick but soft enough to mostly mute his steps. The pink flowers complimented the entire design perfectly. Jackie and Mark agreed on arrangements of snapdragons and roses each in a clear glass vase for the occasion. There was a light smell from the flowers in the air, everything was ideal.

The hall Mark was walking down felt extremely long. For a moment, he thought he got lost only to realize he had speed walked past the door he was supposed to stop at.

His heart was beating out of his chest. If it went on like this, Mark was sure it would fall straight out on the white carpet and he would never see the safety deposit he put towards the venue. Both of his hands were shaking and he suddenly had to pee. "Calm down. Get it together." His mumbles did nothing to calm himself.

Searching for any distraction, he focused on the doors in front of them. They were white with gold intricate indents going through it. Their height was nearly double the groom which made him feel small and oddly comforted him. Mark released a shaky breath and gripped the gold doorknob. He went to turn it but the sweat on his hand prevented him from getting the friction he desperately needed to open it.

"Shit." Roughly patting his hands on his suit pants, Mark attempted to get as much moisture off as he could.

Trying again, Mark was able to get the door open that time.

The door opened to a beautiful main room. Somehow the ceiling was even higher in here than the hall he was coming from. The sides had white pillars that were topped off with what appeared to be angels made of stone. Those angels were holding up beams that ran across the ceiling. Windows were placed next to each angel and brought in loads of natural sunlight. The seats were covered in a light grey fabric that really helped to bring out the much more subtle grey accents throughout the room. Up at the altar, pink and white flower arrangements the size of small trees colored the space.

Mark paused at the back of the room to admire all the guests that had come. There were ushers standing on each side of him, waiting to hold open the doors for the wedding party. Mark's lips couldn't help but quickly quirk into a smile as he saw everyone turn in their seats to look at him. Everyone was dressed in black, grey, or pink, of course saving white for the bride. Mark could see his mom, his dad, even his older brother had made it, after originally he said he couldn't come. Mark made a mental note to punch him later for that. All of their eyes got wide at the sight of his cotton candy hair.

Mark began to walk down the aisle but continued smiling at his friends and family and the other guests as well. His steps were heavy despite how excited he was. Looking to his side, Mark could see that his older friends wore wide smiles as they took him in. He looked more mature than usual, even with the pink hair. They could also see how nervous he was but they expected as much.

Reaching the altar, Mark stopped walking and turned towards the crowd. He re-positioned his hands about 10 times before he finally decided on just holding them together behind his back. Not wanting to look at the guests for a moment, he let his head fall so he could stare at his shoes. They were black and plain, yet at that time, he was pretending like they were the most complex items ever. He sees another pair of dress shoes come to stand next to him. Looking up, he sees his grandfather who agreed to official the wedding. The old man had a bright pink suit on, which in any other situation, Mark would have a chuckle about. His grandfather lightly pats the groom's shoulder with a smile.

"Are you ready," his grandfather inquires. Mark swears if one more person asks him, he will scream. Instead of doing so however, he just nods his head with a tight smile and resumes examining his shoes.

About 4 minutes pass before Mark's shoe gazing is interrupted by the start of the song he and Jackie agreed to play for this part of the ceremony. The smooth instrumentals ironically filled his heart with everything but calmness.

The ushers opened the doors and the first to enter were Haechan and Abby, Jackie's best friend. As best man and maid of honor, they wore proud smiles. Haechan's dark grey suit sat perfectly on the male. His tie was pink against his white shirt and on his chest sat a pink rose, matching the flower on Mark's suit. Haechan had spent the previous 2 months showing off his outfit since the other groomsmen had light grey suits with white snapdragons instead. His hair was styled up for the special day.

Abby had on a pale, knee length, pink dress, the shade just slightly lighter than Mark's hair. The dress didn't have any fluffiness to it and flowed nicely. The bodice was a v-neck and sleeveless. Across Abby's waist laid a thin, grey satin waistband, which set her apart the other bridesmaids who all had a pink satin waistband. Her hair was jet black and stood out against the light dress but still went with the total theme of the room. It was styled with a few curls, otherwise it was pretty much allowed to fall freely.

The pair strolled gracefully down the aisle, arm in arm, smiling at the guests. Haechan playfully winked at Ten in the crowd, who rolled his eyes in return. Abby was also in a playful mood as she blew a few kisses to the guests on her side. Mark couldn't stop the second hand embarrassment from seeping in. He let out a small chuckle as his hand covered his mouth then returned back to behind him.

As the couple reached the altar, they untangled their arms as they walked to their respective sides. Haechan came to stand behind Mark and nudged his shoulder in a subtle show of support.

The next pair walked out: Renjun and Jackie's older sister Jada. They weren't as comfortable together as the best man and the maid of honor, but they still glided across the floor with content smiles. Following them was Jeno and Jackie's aunt, Stella. Stella was actually 1 year older than Jackie which Mark always found amusing. Jaemin and Daevy were the next to come out. Daevy was Jackie's closest friend other than Abby. She had known the bride since kindergarten and was just happy to be involved. Chenle and Jisung came out with their partners for the day as well: Tamara and Sunny, who were both Jackie's cousins.

The flower girls came out afterwards. One was Jackie's little sister and the other was Taeyong's niece. Mark asked to borrow her for the day since he couldn't think of anyone in his family for the job. The girls wore fluffy light grey dresses with pink satin waistbands. Both of the girls' hair were up in neat ponytails with curls at the end. They threw the flowers everywhere while laughing, causing the entire crowd to coo over them. Mark aww-ed right along with them.

The smooth music stopped and the traditional wedding march began. Mark's nerves practically doubled at the first note he heard. The 2 ushers that had been holding the tall doors open closed them briefly to allow the bride to get in place behind them. Mark felt a bead of sweat run down his backside as he swallowed roughly. He turned behind him to silently communicate with his groomsmen. His eyes screamed for help only to be met with a thumbs up or an eye roll.

Nodding to each other, the ushers went to pull back open the doors.

"Will you calm down?" Mark was trying to quietly yell at Johnny to stop bouncing in place. Johnny was nervous, Mark understood, but the man hadn't stopped moving since he arrived.

"She'll be walking down the aisle any moment now," Jaehyun started, "do you really want her to see you jumping around?" Jaehyun also was keeping his voice low to not draw too much attention. As Johnny's best man, Jaehyun stood closest to him and didn't have to speak very loudly to be heard.

"Do you think she changed her mind?" Johnny was a wreck. His nervousness was slipping into his tone. Y/N was supposed to walk down the aisle 10 minutes ago and she was yet to show. He didn't even attempt to hide his worry from the guests.

"No, she's probably freaking out too," Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

At his friend's words, Johnny stopped fidgeting and stared at Jaehyun with wide, panicked eyes. "She's freaking out?" Mark didn't like seeing him like this.

"No," Jaehyun was getting frustrated with the soon-to-be husband, "just relax." With that, he put his hands on Johnny's shoulders to spin him around.

Mark was getting nervous too. Not that Y/N wouldn't show, but that Johnny would work himself into a panic attack before she could.

The crowd was growing antsy as well. Many people started looking around to see if there was a reason for the delay. Johnny's father had walked up to the altar to ask his son if something was wrong, who shrugged his shoulders in reply. The bridesmaids were awkwardly scratching their heads.

Johnny was near tears when he saw Y/N's father briskly walking down the aisle alone. The man kept his head down until he reached the groom. Stopping at the altar, he stood with his back against the crowd and whispered to Johnny, "Y/N needs to talk to you."

Johnny's eyes went large and he swallowed hard. "Okay." His heart felt like it was preparing to drop at any second. Clearing his throat, he addressed the entire room, "Give me a moment, please." Not sparing another word, he took off running through the back door.

Mark stood there frozen as he watched his friend bolt out the exit. Y/N's father awkwardly walked to his seat and sat. The other groomsmen were talking among themselves. They didn't seem as worried as everyone else in the room but even they were starting to break a bit. Mark felt for Johnny. He wouldn't know how to react if he was in his place. A light hum fell over the room as the guests made conversation to pass the time.

Mark counted about 6 minutes before Johnny ran back to the altar. A wide smile graced his face as re-positioned himself at his spot.

"What happened," Doyoung questioned loud enough for the grinning groom to hear.

Johnny waved the air and let out a chuckle, "don't worry about it. Just be ready, she'll be coming out any minute."

Overhearing the small announcement, Y/N's father stood up and jogged to the back to be able to still give her away.

Johnny waved his hand to signal for the music to restart. The song began for the 2nd time and the guests stood facing the entrance.

The sound of the chapel doors opening floated through the room. Mark turned his attention from the groom to the source of the sound.

Y/N stood there in all her glory. Her ivory dress matched the theme of the wedding very well. The corset was covered in lace and complimented her figure perfectly. Her sleeves were made of a tulle that rested off her shoulder, the same kind of tulle that made up the dress's floor length skirt. In her hands, rested a simple bouquet of blue irises and white lilies.

She was nervous, Mark could tell. Her eyes rapidly bounced back and forth, scanning the room. Her father leaned over to her ear to whisper something, which helped her relax a bit. Tapping her arm that was wrapped in his, he began to lead her down the aisle.

A sniffle is heard in the room. Mark turned his head in the direction it came from, only to see Johnny with tears in his eyes. Mark's eyes widened at the new sight. He had known Johnny for most of his life and this was the first time the boy had ever seen the older male cry. The tears were happy tears, of course, but it was still an odd sight.

Mark's own eyes started to water as well. Johnny was like a brother to him and now that brother was getting married. Previously, Johnny had spoken about staying single forever and not getting "tied down," yet here he was. The man was squatting and roughly rubbing his tears at the view of his wife-to-be walking to him. Even through the constant flow of tears, he kept his focus of Y/N. Jaehyun laid a gentle hand on Johnny's back in a silent show of support, his face decorated with a smug grin. Mark already knew Jaehyun would bring this up again to tease Johnny in the near future.

A few sniffles were coming from the guests as well, mainly from people who were watching the groom break down.

Y/N finally reached the altar after what felt like eternity. She handed her bouquet to the maid of honor so she could help Johnny stand back up. Using the back of her hand, she wiped his tears and placed a peck on his cheek. From his spot on the side, Mark could hear her whisper that she loved him. Johnny whispered his own love in return. Y/N beamed at his words and gazed at him with pure adoration. Mark felt his eyes start to run.

The ceremony officially commenced with Taeil greeting the guests. He had agreed to officiate the wedding after getting a license to do so online. Johnny and Y/N had only graduated college a few months earlier, they couldn't afford to hire a professional yet. Having Taeil officiate the union only made it more special anyway.

The couple exchanged heartfelt marriage vows, drawing more stifled cries from the crowd. They practically oozed affection for each other. Mark heard Jaehyun sniffle before seeing him turn his head to not get caught. Mark giggles through his own tears; Jaehyun wouldn't be able to tease Johnny now.

The rest of the night was filled with more crying, laughing, and gazes overflowing with love. During the reception, everyone danced and drank. Johnny decided to make the playlist for the occasion himself, which made for a hilarious event. At some point, he danced so hard that he dropped an empty wine glass and it shattered. Y/N scolded him endlessly for being so hyper. In return, Johnny kissed her playfully. She immediately forgave him.

The night was magical. Mark got drunk with all of his friends and let loose. He drunkenly congratulated Johnny and Y/N multiple times. Johnny was entertained.

In Mark's inebriated mind, he decided that he wanted a relationship exactly like theirs.

Mark's breath caught in his throat.

Jackie stood at the entrance with her arm wrapped in her older brother's. Her hair was a bright pink that burned only slightly more intense than Mark's. He decided that shade was now his new favorite color. Her makeup was on the natural side and flaunted her natural beauty. With a deep breath, Jackie started walking.

Jackie's dress was a solid white that reminded Mark of a cloud on a summer day. It didn't have any lace or flowers on it, instead showing off a simple look that fit her personality well. The dress had a v-neck that mirrored the bridesmaids' and a wide waistband that matched the rest of the dress in the shade of white. The dress grazed the floor as Jackie sauntered down the aisle.

Jackie had a wide smile on her face, making Mark's heart skip a beat. He began rocking side to side, growing impatient waiting for his bride to reach him.

Mark's mind drifted back to Johnny. He thought back to how he nagged Johnny on his wedding day. Maybe he should have been more understanding.

Mark lightly shook his head, attempting to rid himself of those memories. He wanted to stay in the moment and enjoy watching his soulmate approach him.

Jackie could see the conflicting emotions all over Mark's face, she knew him like the back of her hand. She resisted the urge to frown and kept walking.

Mark looked back up to his bride as she stopped about 10 feet away. She kissed her brother's cheek as he unwrapped their arms and headed to his seat. Jackie turned her attention to Mark, closing the distance.

There she stood, only 2 feet in front of him. Mark's lips turned upwards subconsciously at the sight. Jackie returned the smile and blew an air kiss to him. The guests who caught the small exchange released small giggles. Jackie let out a chuckle. She spun around to pass off her bouquet to Abby who stood behind her.

Facing Mark, Jackie looked him in the eye and took a deep breath. Her hands subtly followed the motions of the air entering her body. Just from the expression on her face, Mark knew she was mentally instructing him to copy. He inhaled deeply then let it out.

Satisfied, Jackie held out her hands to grab. Mark connected his with hers and felt his heart stutter. His grandfather officially started the ceremony.

Mark stood next to the hospital bed. Unconscious, Johnny laid peacefully. Mark knew what was going to happen when he woke up and that knowledge almost made him wish Johnny would stay unconscious for as long as possible. Mark wiped his tears and took a shaky breath. He had finished heavily sobbing minutes earlier but he felt another fit coming at the thought of having to be the one to tell Johnny.

Mark's vision juggled between the bruises and scratches on the sleeping male and the wedding ring that decorated his finger for the previous 6 months. Johnny had a gash on his face the size of a bobby pin on his jaw that the doctor patched up. One eye was completely swollen, the other black. A dark purple blemish could be seen on his shoulder. The man's entire right leg was in a cast that was fashioned to a sling of sorts to keep it elevated.

Mark wanted to scream. This wasn't fair. Neither of them deserved this. Feeling himself getting emotional again, Mark stepped out the room into the hallway. There, he squatted and sobbed with his head between his knees. This was the 7th time he broke down since he received the call a few hours earlier.

"Mark?"

Said male glanced up from his spot to Yuta peering down at him. Yuta's eyes were similar to Mark's, alerting him that Yuta had also been crying.

"Is he awake?" Yuta asked weakly, his voice cracking with every word.

Not finding his voice, Mark shook his head as more tears raced down.

Yuta walked towards the room to see the unconscious male, patting Mark on the head on the way in.

From the hallway, Mark could hear Yuta break down. His weeps echoed through the entire hospital floor. Mark wanted to attempt to comfort Yuta but he knew that if he saw Johnny in that state again, he would be no help.

Over the next 2 hours, Jaehyun, Taeil, Doyoung, Taeyong, and Jungwoo came and joined Yuta around the bed. The cries increased with each new arrival.

Mark had yet to move from his spot in the hallway. Now he laid on his side, curled into a ball, not caring when anyone walked past. His eyes were swollen. His face was red. His throat was scratchy. But he had yet to run out of tears.

"Mark." Taeil gently tapped the male to gain his attention. "He's awake." He didn't wait for a response before going back to the room.

At those words, Mark slowly went to sit up. His body ached from shaking so much. Using his hoodie sleeve, he wiped his face again. He inhaled deeply, holding air a few seconds before letting it go. With unsteady legs, he stood to his feet and paused at the doorway.

All the men were crowded around the bed as Johnny gained consciousness. Mark drug his feet to an open spot next to Jungwoo.

Johnny had the black eye half open. He tried to open the other but ceased when a sharp pain shot through his skull. The resulting whine of pain stabbed Mark in his heart causing his fists to clench. The injured man attempted to sit up from his flat position releasing audible groans.

"Don't sit up," many worried voices commanded in near unison. Jungwoo lightly rested his hand on the man's chest to stop any further movement. Heeding to the order, Johnny allowed himself to return to his previous position.

A minute of silence passed.

"What happened?" The voice that broke the silence wasn't the one the boys' were used to hearing. It was weak. It was strained from pain. Johnny sounded about as horrible as he looked. Every word that passed his lips caused him to wince.

No one spoke. Mark could feel the tears growing. He knew he was going to break down once again. The man had cried so much that the back of his head felt tense. There was no way he could be the one to speak and tell his friend. He stared at Johnny's leg cast. This wasn't fair.

The other men were in similar situations, too emotional to tell the man. Jaehyun - who prided himself in being strong in all ways - couldn't udder a syllable. He instead kept his gaze on the heart monitor, ignoring the quiet tears falling from his eyes. Jungwoo was squatted with his hands covering his face, not caring how obvious his cries were. Yuta and Doyoung hadn't stopped looking at the floor since Johnny woke up, neither one wanting to see their friend in this condition. Taeyong's lip was shaking violently as he waited for someone else to please take the lead. Just this once.

It was Taeil who cleared his throat. He quickly swiped at his red eyes. Gathering all the strength required, he began, "There was an accident. You got into a car accident." All the false strength was displayed in his tone but he went on. "While you were turning, a truck hit your car. Someone called 911 and you were bought here."

Johnny's eyebrows furrowed as he took in what he just heard. As the information processed, he began to slowly scan the room. He saw all his friends but someone was missing. Someone very important. His question came out in a croak. "Where's Y/N?"

A wail sounded from Jungwoo.

Mark needed to leave the room. He couldn't be here for this part. His sneakers squeaked as he spun around to exit. He still had not run out of tears. He closed the door behind him. Returning to his spot in the hallway, Mark resumed his sobs. Falling to the floor, he held his knees and squeezed his eyes shut.

Over his fit, Mark couldn't hear the mumbling from the room. He didn't hear Johnny ask Taeil to repeat himself.

He did, however, hear Johnny's pained scream. He would never forget that sound. He heard Jaehyun finally let out his own sobs. He heard Johnny start to yell to see Y/N. Mark heard a crash and what sounded like the hospital bed shaking. He heard the others urgently call for a nurse. He heard Doyoung beg Johnny to stop and get back in bed. Mark's heartbeat increased.

What he heard next was the door slamming open. Raising his head, Mark saw Yuta run out the room down the hall in search of help. Through the now open door, he could see Johnny wailing on the floor. He used his arms to pull himself forward toward the door since one of his legs was useless. The man looked even worse now than when he first came to. His saline bag pole drug behind him as he crawled. The bed was now displaced by several inches.

Johnny's face was contorted into the most pain Mark had ever seen him in. The swollen shut eye was now visibly throbbing from the tears being trapped behind the enlarged eyelid. The older male's mouth was open but his teeth were clenched together. He shook with every sob he let out, but he kept his crawling constant.

The other men in the room were panicking. They yelled at Johnny to stop but none dared to lay a hand on him in fear of hurting him more. They stood in his path only to be cursed at or crawled around.

Mark was frozen staring at the man as he tried to leave, the visual burning into his memory. It was terrifying seeing him like this. Mark wanted to get up and help the others get Johnny back in bed but his body wouldn't allow it. He instead made eye contact with the male and cried in return.

As Johnny finally reached the threshold, several rapid steps were heard coming from the end of the hall. Mark's focus stayed on the desperate man. The source of the steps entered his vision.

Yuta ran into the room, followed shortly by 3 nurses and a doctor. The doctor went to straighten the bed and the saline stand while the nurses grabbed for Johnny's arms. The man fought them hard, throwing punches and even kicking with his cast to get them off. Eventually, they found a way to get a grip on him. The nurses lifted him off the ground to force him back on the remade bed.

Taeyong, Yuta, Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo all stood against the walls to stay out of the medical staff's way. The men also were screaming but for the nurses to be gentle and for Johnny to stop fighting.

Taeil walked out the room to Mark's side. Like almost everyone else, Taeil was crying. His tears were especially heavy since he had to be the one to report what happened. He fell to the floor as well. Mark's eyes stayed glued on the commotion in the room despite how much he wanted to comfort the friend beside him.

Johnny tearfully pleaded for the nurses to let him go. He pleaded for them to let him see his Y/N again. Another pained screech ripped from his throat, then the pleading for death started. The kicking and punching had significantly weakened but continued on anyway.

The doctor left the room for a few seconds while the nurse kept Johnny pinned. She returned with a syringe in her hand. Quickly snatching off the cap, she held Johnny's arm in place to locate a vein. Finding what she needed, she cautiously inserted the needle into his arm and pressed the plunger slowly. She began to slide the needle out only to be interrupted by Johnny attempting to snatch his arm back. Letting the syringe stay in place a bit longer, the doctor focused on restraining the man.

Johnny's shouts slowly got quieter until they were just sleepy mumbles about seeing Y/N. He no longer was able to fight, allowing the hospital staff to let him go. The nurses went about fixing everything. They replaced the I.V. in Johnny's arm, placed his leg cast back in the sling, and reattached the heart monitor. By the time they were done and gone, Johnny was back unconscious.

Mark, Jungwoo, Jaehyun, Taeyong, Taeil, Yuta, and Doyoung stayed in the hospital room taking turns crying for their friend and his wife. They attempted to comfort one another only to break down later. Afterwards when they decided that some should go home, they took turns staying with Johnny so that he wouldn't be alone.

"Are you okay," Mark asked.

"No."

It had been a year since Johnny lost Y/N. In that year, Y/N had her funeral, was cremated, and Johnny limited his contact with everyone. Mark had talked to him a total of 9 times in that year, most of those conversations lasting less than 20 minutes.

Neither of the men spoke. Mark didn't know what to say. Johnny didn't have anything to say. It was obvious that Johnny didn't want to have this talk but Mark wanted to know how his friend was doing.

"Aren't you hungry? Let's get something to eat, bro." Mark grabbed the small menu on the table of the cafe. He was trying to spend as much time as possible with Johnny so he figured they could eat while catching up. The only reason he was able to convince him to come out was by blowing up his phone.

"No." Johnny wanted to go home. He appreciated Mark trying to check on him but he wasn't ready. He wasn't over Y/N and honestly, he didn't think he would ever be. He lost his soulmate.

Sighing, Mark sat the menu back down. It hurt to see his friend like this. "Haechan told me to tell you hey."

Johnny only nodded in return, though his sight never left the table.

The quietness was awkward.

Mark cleared his throat. The background ambiance flooded into the space Mark had hoped would be filled with conversation. He bit his bottom lip and scanned the room. There were families laughing, couples giggling, students studying; everyone appeared content except the man across from him. Y/N seemed to have taken that part of him with her.

Mark’s mind began to wonder. Would Y/N’s death affect Johnny as much if they had waited a while longer for marriage? Johnny would have just lost a girlfriend, something the male had had many of in the past.

“Do you regret marrying her?” The question came out softly. Mark felt horrible asking this but he wanted to know the answer.

Johnny was taken aback. What kind of question was that? He furrowed his brows and pressed his lips in a firm line. His stare turned to Mark. “No, I don’t. Why would you ask that,” he interrogated sternly. He held an angry undertone.

“I’m just asking,” Mark hurriedly defended, “I don’t like seeing you like this or ignoring all your friends trying to check on you.” Both of Mark’s hands raised slightly in defense.

“Even if I didn’t marry her, I still would be in love with her.” Johnny continued, “I wouldn’t trade that day for anything. If I could go back in time, the only change I would make is the accident.” He paused for a few seconds to play with his wedding ring. It hasn’t left his finger since his wedding day. “But if she was going to die anyway, at least she left with my last name.” He was now shaking. His voice cracked, “I miss her so much.”

Mark could tell that his friend was going to cry if he continued talking about his lost love.

“She was my soulmate. Sometimes, I wish I went with her.”

Mark’s heart dropped. “You don’t mean that, man. Y/N wouldn’t want you to think that.”

“I know but Mark, you don’t understand. When you meet the love of your life, you’ll get it. The thought of living without them will be painful. It’s easy to say that I shouldn’t have married her now, but I would have regretted not marrying her more. Back when I told you I was going to propose, you said that getting married was like cutting a piece of yourself to give to someone else. You were right. I gave her a piece of me but she was meant to have it. I’m happy she has it.” Johnny sighed, “Fall in love, Mark. You’ll understand.”

Mark understood. As he held Jackie’s hand in his, he understood.

He was terrified. He knew he was eventually going to lose her. He knew it was going to hurt him, possibly destroying him in the process. After she leaves, he could live the rest of his life without moving on. He could go on mourning until people mourn him, but as he stared into Jackie’s eyes, he knew it was worth it.

Even if Mark knew she would die tomorrow, today would not go any different. Bringing their clasped hands up to his lips, Mark placed a small kiss on them. After today, Jackie would have his last lame, something that would outlast both of them. That was enough for him.

Johnny was right.

Mark’s grandfather went about his lines, his voice thick with age. “We are gathered here to witness the union of Mark Lee and Jackie Garcia in holy matrimony. This is a day of great celebration, for married life - a shared life - is a blessing. As Mark and Jackie embark on this journey together, they’ll be able to nurture a love that makes them better versions of themselves.

“Mark and Jackie, on your journey together, my personal hope is that you 2 cherish each other for as long as you can. Love is effortless but marriage can be another story,” he let out a chuckle. The guests released small chuckles as well. Jackie lightly squeezed Mark’s hand to reassure him. “Love is patient and everlasting, not quitting even when times are hard. Marriage is meant to be a way to show others that love you share, something that will outlast everyone here. I hope that both of you will share this love even when the other expires.

“Mark and Jackie have chosen to write their own vows while trading rings.. With these words, they will each express their love and their promises to one another. With these rings, they will swear to keep those promises. If you are ready, you can start with your intentions to each other. Jackie, when you’re ready, you may begin.” Mark’s grandfather turned to the bride.

Jackie nodded to her grandfather-in-law, and nervously chuckled. “Okay.” Letting out a deep breath, she started out with shaky words. She recited the vows she had been memorizing for the last few weeks. She spoke of her love for Mark, brought up memories of their first meeting, and told of when Mark proposed to her. Jackie went on to list the promises she made to Mark. She promised to take care of him, to not get mad when he works longer than expected, to love him no matter what. Mark almost cried from the love-filled vows. Jackie released his hand to reach for the ring that was in her dress’s pocket. Slipping it on the man’s finger, she smiled the brightest Mark had ever seen.

“That was beautiful. Mark, when you’re ready.”

Johnny popped into Mark’s head again as Jackie rejoined hands. Johnny didn’t regret marrying Y/N. He was grateful for the time they did have. Johnny loved Y/N. Mark was sure that wherever he is, he still does.

Mark loves Jackie. He wants to spend the rest of their lives as husband and wife, no matter how long that may be. With that thought in mind, he started.

“Jackie. I love you so much,” Mark started simply. “You are my best friend, my partner in crime. When we first met, I thought you were,” Mark paused for comedic effect, “a lot.” The guests laughed a bit before quieting back down. “Who wouldn’t though? Your first words to me were ‘your hair is so fluffy, I’m gonna die.’ Now here we are, years later and you tell me the exact same thing everyday. You made me open up in a way I had been resisting, even to my closest friends. You pulled me out of myself. I was terrified of this day but being here with you, having my hands in yours just feels right. Being with you feels right. I want to feel this way the rest of both of our lives, no matter how long that is. That being said,” Mark detached his hands from Jackie’s to reach for the ring in his pocket. With the ring in hand, he held it between them.

“With this ring, I, Mark Lee,”

“With this ring, I, Johnny Seo,”

“cut you a piece of me.”

“Where you go, I will go too,”

“for you are now the start and end of me.”

“Without you, my soul will never be whole,”

“because you, Jackie Garcia, own the other half.”

“because you, Y/N L/n, own the other half.”

Mark gently caressed Jackie’s left hand to slip the ring on. Her eyes were watery but she threw her head back to prevent the tears from falling. Several sniffles could be heard from the guests as they also held back tears. An extra noticeable sniffle came from behind from Haechan, but Mark opted to ignore his cries in favor of watching his bride.

Mark’s grandfather sighed happily while patting Mark on the shoulder. His eyes displayed his wrinkles from smiling. “By the power vested in me. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss each other.”

Jackie did not hesitate to yank Mark by his hands to connect their lips. He melted into the kiss and wrapped his arms around his wife. The guests let out the cheers they had been holding in since the beginning. Mark smiled against Jackie’s lips as he felt her start to cry. Pulling away slowly, Mark pecked her forehead and wiped her tears.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Lee!”

Mark and Jackie intertwined their fingers and faced all their guests who hadn’t ceased cheering for the newlyweds.

Mark knew he made the right decision.

“Mark got married today. I would have told you a while back when I got the invitation in the mail but I didn’t know if I was going. I went but I didn’t say anything to anyone and stayed in the back. Thankfully no one noticed. I would have just ruined the mood. He looked so happy. He's so in love, you should have seen it. He even used my vows to you.

“Do you remember our wedding day? How you were freaking out because most of the guests were from my side of the family while only your parents and grandma were on yours? You were scared that my family would think it was weird. I had to leave the altar just to comfort you!” Johnny let out a sad laugh at the memory.

The wind was blowing gently and the sun was setting quickly. The cemetery would be closing soon but Johnny wanted to talk to his love a bit longer. His fingers glazed her headstone. Y/N was cremated but Johnny needed something after he spread her ashes so here he was, talking to the headstone.

At the memory of the happiest day of his life, Johnny’s eyes grew moist. He continued with a broken voice, “I miss you, baby. I miss you so much. I haven’t been whole since you left. I can’t move on. I want to be with you.” The wind picked up slightly but Johnny could feel it.

“I know.” Johnny laid down to rest his head on the stone. “I know you don’t like when I say that. I’m sorry, my love.”

He stared at the falling sky in silence. He released a shaky breath and felt a tear fall.

“I love you, Y/N.”

#please give me feedback #this is basically just to practice writing #its easier for me when I'm not making people from scratch #idk what to tag #nct angst #nct scenarios #nct #nct mark angst #nct johnny angst #nct fanfic #nct 127 #nct dream #nct fanfiction #angst #thanks

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ladyreapermc · 5 years ago

Text

Fic: Catching Feelings 6/? (Keanu x OFC)

Summary: AU in which Keanu is down on his luck after he comes to Hollywood trying to be an actor. To earn some money, he joins this app for escorts and meets Steph, a rising star who hires him to try to forget her ex. Neither of them are expecting to fall in love and all the problems it brings. (Previous parts: 1 2 3 4 5)

Author’s Notes: Another week, another chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it and as always, feedback is appreciated.

Wordcount: 3375

Warnings: smutish (dirty talk; powerplay; choking; lots and lots of teasing)

Keanu blinked blearily and confused as he looked around his room, trying to figure out what had woken him up this early. His brain was still dazed, his movements sluggish as he followed the noise, hand finally landing on his cellphone which had found its way under the bed somehow.

The sight of Steph’s name flashing across the screen finally kickstarted his brain and he rushed to answer the call, getting caught in a yawn as the facetime call connected.

“Shit! I woke you up. I’m sorry.” She winced, her tone apologetic and he smiled, waving off her apologies.

“It’s fine,” Keanu replied, voice still thick with sleep as he settled back on the pillows. “I needed to get up anyway.”

When Keanu had left Steph’s house the night he went to pick up his bike, he once again thought that would be the end of this thing they had. He hated himself for walking away, even after she cleared up the entire thing with Kevin, but he really thought it would be for the best.

He was falling in love with her way too hard and that was a problem. She was his client and nothing more. Or at least that was what Keanu tried to tell himself until the night he got home after a meeting a client and found a voicemail from Steph. He had no idea how she got her number, but her ramblings on how much she missed him warmed his heart, right until the part the call disconnected suddenly, and Keanu was left wondering if Steph was alright.

Panic only grew when she didn’t reply to his calls or texts and he was already looking up ways to find out where she was staying when Steph finally called back, letting him know she was fine. There were a handful of times Keanu felt that kind of sheer relief in his life and all of them associated with people he loved with all his heart. As if he needed any more proof of his own feelings. The ones he was running from for the past two months.

However, Keanu decided he was done running and that was what made him call her again later. To make sure she was feeling better and make it clear that what he had with her, it wasn’t something he did with just anyone. Keanu might be an escort, but not all money in the world could make him care for someone as he cared for her and he needed Steph to know that.

Admitting to it was liberating and the facetime calls became a routine for them. At least once a day they would talk, share about their day; chat about stupid things, everything and nothing and all in between.

Steph would send random texts throughout the day, pictures of stuff she thought he would find funny. While Keanu would send the things about home he knew she loved and missed.

It was a very welcome change in their… relationship? Friendship? Keanu had no idea how to call it, but for the first time, he knew it was completely real. There was no money involved. No strings attached, no confusion due to sex. Though he really missed the mind-blowing sex they had, strangely enough, a month of this, talking every day and joking and trying to watch Netflix together even though there were an ocean and several timezones separating them and Steph seemed to have zero self-control and would always watch an episode or two without him was proving to be even more fulfilling. Even if it meant waking up at crack of dawn to talk to Steph when she was coming back from a whole day of shooting like she was now.

Keanu took a moment to really look at her, drinking the sight of her, no makeup, her hair pulled up and away from her face with the exception of a lock of hair that must have gotten loose and was falling over her big brown eyes. To him, she would never look more beautiful and Keanu felt the proverbial butterflies on his stomach as he watched her.

“You look tired,” Steph commented, disappearing off-screen a second before two soft thuds reached his ears. Probably her boots hitting the carpeted floor. “Long night?”

“Yeah. Got home around 2 a.m.,” Keanu said, scratching his five o’clock shadow. He had been toying with the idea of growing a beard, but Mike, their producer, shot the idea down. It wasn’t the look they were going for.

Steph only hummed noncommittally, her brow furrowing ever so slightly as she looked away and Keanu smirked, his heart picking up speed because he knew that look very well. He spotted that look several times through the last few weeks whenever any magazine or gossip site splashed pictures of Steph and her handsome co-star along with rumors of them dating.

“Dogstar had a gig,” he explained, making her look up startled. “Our first paying one. I mean, it barely covered gas, but still…”

“That’s amazing, Ke!” Her grin was blinding, and his heart did a little flip in his chest. He was head over heels of this woman and there was no point in denying anymore. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks,” he replied, ducking his head a little as he felt his cheeks warm. “Maybe you can come to one of them when you get back.”

“I’d love to,” Steph grinned, picking up the phone and moving through the room. The image shook for a bit before it stabilized again and Keanu could no longer see her, only the white tiles of the bathroom. “We still have another month to go. Next week we’re flying back to Paris for some additional scenes. I’ve always wanted to spend my birthday there, but I didn’t think I’d be alone.”

“Where are you?” Keanu asked, scanning the frame, hearing her giggle before her face showed up again, but sideways.

“I’m changing,” she replied.

“So? Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Keanu pointed out with a smirk and Steph rolled her eyes but came fully into view.

She had taken her sweater off and stood there in jeans and her bra and Keanu could already feel his body responding to the sight of all her gorgeous skin. Her hands fell to her buttons, undoing them so damn slowly he wished he could push them away and do it himself.

Steph turned her back on him before pushing the jeans down, actually giving her ass a little wiggle to shimmy out of them and Keanu groaned, his boxers tight over his growing erection.

“You’re such a fucking tease,” he complained, rubbing himself and she had the gall to look over her shoulder with her best ‘who? Me?’ look, complete with that big doe eyes and pout and Keanu chuckled. “You were saying something about your birthday.”

“Yeah,” she said, her expression softening a little as she sat on the edge of the tub and turned the faucet on. “It’s the big three-oh and I’ll be here all by myself.” Steph shrugged. “I mean, sure Vincent is taking me to dinner and I appreciate it, but none of my friends will be here. The real ones at least…”

Keanu bit his cheek to keep himself from reacting to the mention of Vincent. It wasn’t that he was jealous, he just… Who was he kidding? It was exactly because he was jealous, but it wasn’t enough to divert his attention from what really mattered. How sad she looked at the prospect of spending her birthday without her true friends.

“When is it again?” he asked, an idea popping in his head. A terrible, unbelievably crazy idea.

---

Keanu paced the room with quick steps, desperately needing to work out some of the nervous energy thrumming through his body and movement had always been the way he did it. Be it by waving his hands around when he was speaking or bouncing his knee or walking around.

Moving his body always had a soothing effect in his mind for some reason and tonight he needed all his strategies to calm himself because if this crazy plan of his backfired, Keanu really didn’t know what he would do.

He had always been an impulsive guy, making decisions without thinking them through. It was what took him to Los Angeles; it was what almost killed him in that mountainside years ago. And now it was what could completely ruin the best relationship Keanu had in a long time.

What if Steph didn’t like the surprise? What if she thought he was crazy for flying all the way to Paris on her birthday without telling her? Yes, she said she wished her real friends could be here to celebrate with her, but it was Keanu who assumed he was included in that category. What if he was wrong? What if he was in love with her, but she wasn’t? What if…

The sound of the phone made him jump and Keanu nearly stumbled on his own feet trying to get it, answering with a quick hello.

“I delivered the envelope, Mr. Reeves,” the concierge spoke, his accent thick and making his words almost indecipherable. “She’s on her way up.”

“Thank you.”

His hands shook as he hung up and hurried through the process of lighting up the candles and dimming the lights, before coming to sit on the edge of the bed, fighting off the urge of bouncing his feet as the minutes ticked by with no sign of her. He adjusted his collar, feeling a little breathless.

What if she went to her own room instead? What if she thought it was some kind of mean joke or a trap from the press? What if she didn’t come at all?

Keanu’s heart lunged in his chest at the low chime of the electronic lock and he got to his feet, coming face to face with a stunned Steph. She stood there for a moment, eyes wide, mouth hanging open and he forced a small, awkward smile.

“Happy birthday?” he said with hesitation, wondering if she hated the surprise until her face shifted into a smile and she all but threw herself on his arms.

Keanu breathed out a sigh of relief, cradling her close to his body, nose buried into her head, breathing in the familiar scent of strawberries. He missed her more than he first realized.

“I thought maybe…” she started, pulling back a little and looking at Keanu with eyes full of wonder and affection. “When you asked me about my birthday, but you didn’t say anything else, I thought it was just wishful thinking, but you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Keanu smiled, resting his forehead against hers. “Is that ok?”

“It’s the best birthday present I could hope for,” Steph said, her lips pulling into a grin. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Keanu cupped her cheek, tracing her face with his thumb, almost as if trying to recommit her features to memory. It wasn’t the same, seeing her through facetime. It didn’t do her justice.

Her hands crossed behind his neck, fingers playing with his hair, massaging his scalp and Keanu tried not to tense as they came way too close to his secret, but since she didn’t seem to notice, he just sighed happily, leaning into the touch for a second, before bending his head and meeting her lips for a kiss, something he was longing for weeks.

Their lips molded perfectly together, finding their rhythm with barely any effort; their tongues moving against one another, tasting and exploring, relearning each other as their hands found their way under their clothes, searching warm skin and familiar curves.

Keanu struggled to get her out of her coat and scarf while her hand moved over his crotch, rubbing him through his jeans and groaned against her lips, getting lost in the feel of it before pulling back and catching her hand.

“I’ve got you a cake,” he announced, and Steph chuckled and nodded, letting Keanu move away from her and lead the way to the table.

Her small gasp at the sight of the black forest mini cake made Keanu grin proudly as Steph glanced from the sugary treat and back at him.

“How did you know it was my favorite?” she asked, and he just shrugged, trying for nonchalant, but feeling so stupidly happy for having put that happy smile on her face. He had googled it like a stalker, but her expression was definitely worth it.

He pulled a chair out for her with one hand, while the other dug through his pocket for the candle and lighter. To Keanu’s surprise, Steph pushed him on the seat and got on his lap, making sure to squirm and wiggle over his cock, dragging out a grunt from him.

“Fucking tease,” he complained, making her chuckle.

“Careful there, Ke. If you keep using that kinda language, I’ll have to gag you,” Steph warned, giving him a sideways smirk. “Or maybe just put that mouth to better use.”

“Cake first” Keanu reminded, arms coming around her to set the candle between the two decorative cherries before lighting it up. “Then you can tie me and gag me and whatever else you want.”

“Is that a promise?” Steph asked her voice low, sounding almost dangerous as she turned sideways on his lap so she could look at him and Keanu gulped, a shiver running down his spine at the look in her eyes.

“Yes,” he replied, meeting her gaze.

Had any woman ever made him feel like this before? Get him this hot and horny with just one look and a couple of suggestive words? Keanu was pretty sure the answer to that was a no. Steph had just a way of turning him on or making him learn things about himself that he never thought it would be possible. It was liberating and that was why he got her that present in the first place. If it wasn’t for Steph, Keanu would never know how much he wanted to try that with her.

At last, Steph turned her attention to the cake in front of her, arching her eyebrow at him Keanu and with a small blush, he sang her happy birthday, his voice low and unsteady. He had no idea why he felt shy about that, but he did.

“You’ve got a nice voice, babe,” she said kissing his cheek.

“I really don’t.” Keanu ducked his head and chuckle. “Anyway, make a wish.”

There was a moment of silence and Steph leaned over, blowing the candle, before turning on Keanu’s lap until she was straddling him and catching his lips in a hungry kiss, rolling her hips tantalizingly and he moaned against her mouth, his cock throbbing and pulsing in his jeans.

“Aren’t you…?”

“Later,” she cut him off, lips traveling over his jaw until she caught his earlobe between them, sucking lightly and pleasure shot through Keanu, his hands tightening over her thighs almost at their own accord. “Right now, I just you to fuck me.”

Keanu tensed for a second, hesitant and unsure of what he was about to propose. Steph felt it and pulled back, giving him a worried look.

“Something’s wrong?”

“No…” he breathed out, brushing away the hair from her face and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “I just… got you something.”

“You didn’t have to, Ke,” she hurried to say, and he thought he saw her flush. “Just the fact that you flew all the way here…”

“I wanted to…” he assured, patting her leg gently so she would stand up and he could move to his suitcase and get it.

Keanu hesitated, back turned to her, box in his hands. He took another breath, before facing Steph again and handing it to her. It was a simple black rectangular box, wrapped with a blue bow. Steph pulled it loose and opened the lid, frowning at its contents.

“A chain?” she asked with a confused frown, looking up at him.

“A-uh leash, actually,” Keanu explained, swallowing hard as he unbuttoned the first couple buttons of his shirt, exposing the leather collar around his neck and Steph gasped, staring at him with wide eyes. “Is this ok?”

“Ke… I…” she stuttered, meeting his gaze again. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, his smile a little hesitant, but very hopeful. “I thought a lot about it and… I never came as hard jerking off as when I was picturing this. I want it.”

She watched him for a moment as if trying to spot a lie in his statement or stance and he fought the urge to squirm under her scrutiny. Keanu knew Steph just wanted to make sure he wasn’t just trying to please her, which he was, to an extent, but this was about him as much as it was about her.

Finally, she moved closer to him, eyes never leaving his as she undid the rest of the buttons and pushed the shirt off his shoulders before caressing his chest, slowly making her way to the black band circling his neck.

Her small fingers ran over the edge gently, before she slipped one finger under the collar, making it tighter and Keanu swallowed hard, shuddering at the feel of it restraining his breathing just a little, making him gasp.

“Oh, babe…” Steph whispered, voice low and sultry as she petted his cheek. “You really like this, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am.” It still amazed Keanu how quickly he slipped into this whenever she used that tone with him. It was almost a pavlovian reaction by now.

“Then who am I to deny you?” she smirked at him, crooking her finger and tugging lightly on the collar and Keanu followed the motion, bending his head closer to her. Being rewarded with a dirty, searing kiss. “Especially when you’ve been such a good boy.”

She let go of him and took a step back, once again just watching him, lip between her teeth, her eyes dark and full of want.

“You look so beautiful like this, Ke,” Steph said, and he felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment, so he ducked his head, dodging her eyes and shifting in place, hands clasped together in front of his body. “And you’re blushing? That’s so sweet.”

“Please…” his voice was low, pleading.

Not only he didn’t like being complimented like that, but his body felt like was about to combust and he was so hard it was getting painful. He couldn’t wait anymore. Keanu just wanted her. Almost desperately.

She smiled at him and nodded, moving closer once again and turning her back to him, exposing the zipper of her dress.

“Go ahead.”

He pulled it down slowly, the fabric parting to reveal her back and the purple lace of her bra. Keanu pulled the zipper all the way it would go, before pushing the straps of the dress off her shoulders, letting his lips graze over her nape and smiling lightly when goosebumps rose on her skin.

“I don’t remember allowing you to touch,” Steph chided softly, turning around to look at him and Keanu groaned at the sight before him. She was so damn beautiful.

“Sorry ma’am,” he mumbled, head down.

“No, you’re not.” She smirked.

She grabbed the chain from the box, before clasping it on the metal link on the collar and tugging on it tentatively. Keanu gasped and moaned at the feel of it, the way it tightened and led his movements. His cock twisted inside his pants, making his stumble forward even more uncomfortable.

With her free hand, Steph undid his jeans, shoving it down his hips and clicking her tongue at his lack of underwear. Keanu couldn’t care for anything except the relief of finally having his erection free.

“Someone’s eager,” she teased, pulling on the leash again with one hand, while the other stroked his cock and Keanu’s brain short-circuited at the combination of sensations.

Steph swallowed his moans in another kiss before she nipped on his bottom lip and pulled back to look at his dazed, unfocused eyes.

“This is gonna be fun.”

xx(tbc) xxx

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cruelangelstheses · 4 years ago

Text

the path to girlhood

fandom: love live! rating: T characters: rin hoshizora, hanayo koizumi words: 3.9k additional tags: character study, au, trans girl rin, bullying, internalized transphobia, high school description: rin struggles to accept herself at her new school when she discovers a love for dancing. a/n: hello hello!! i wrote this a little over a month ago and decided to finally polish it and post it! this au is pretty similar to canon except that they’re just regular high school girls and not idols. i promise it’s not as angsty as the tags make it seem!! i will never write write a fic in which rin hoshizora is cis. happy pride to my fellow Transes of Gender <3 title comes from kururin miracle aka rin’s Trans Song. i love her so much. that's my fuckign daughter

read it on ao3

—

On the first day of high school, Rin Hoshizora goes to school in a skirt.

She hasn’t worn one out in public since she was a child, having resigned herself to hiding inside hoodies and sweatpants. As she wanders the unfamiliar hallways, Rin tries not to be conscious of the way some of her peers sneak curious glances at her from behind notebooks or open locker doors. If nothing else, she hopes the button on her backpack—a striped flag of pink, white, and blue—will be enough to clue them in, if any of them even know what it symbolizes.

Last month, Rin’s parents successfully enrolled her into the local but relatively well-regarded Otonokizaka Academy for Girls, mainly thanks to “proof” from her doctor that she has, in fact, started taking hormones and that she is, in fact, a Real Trans Girl, whatever that means. It’s an old, impressive school with plenty of extracurriculars and classes to choose from, and her best friend, Hanayo, goes there, too. Most importantly, though, it’s a chance to reinvent herself, to meet new people who don’t know her dead name—to make a statement, simply by wearing the Otonokizaka uniform and sitting in an Otonokizaka classroom, that says, I am a girl just as you are.

So far, it doesn’t feel quite as empowering as she thought it would.

Instead, she feels like a newborn baby, cut from the umbilical cord of the closet, naked and confused as she’s thrust into a strange new world. There’s no turning back now, no chance to abort the mission. All she can do is step forward into the light, with all the beauty and danger that it brings.

—

When Rin steps into her homeroom class, a soft, familiar voice calls out, “Rin-chan!”

Hanayo jumps up out of her chair and scurries over, her red glasses bouncing on her face. Rin grins and wraps her arms around her, squeezing her tightly, and for just a moment, she forgets about the rest of the world. There’s nothing outside this classroom, nothing outside her best friend’s warm embrace.

Rin opens her mouth to say something, anything—a how have you been or a help me please I don’t know if I can do this—but she doesn’t get the chance, because then the bell rings, and the homeroom teacher strides into the room. In a flurry, the students rush to their desks. Hanayo has saved a seat for Rin in the back, right next to her, and Rin sighs in relief as she slides into the chair.

While the teacher introduces herself, Rin scans the room, searching for any sign of a reaction from her classmates. Most of them are facing forward, listening or at least pretending to listen to the teacher. One girl sitting a few seats away pokes her friend on the shoulder and gestures to Rin. “Wow,” she mutters, just loud enough that it’s clear she wants Rin to hear it. “They’ll let anyone in this school, huh?”

Rin’s face heats up, and she quickly looks away, down at her empty notebook. In an attempt to seem nonchalant, she pulls a pen out of her pencil case and starts doodling a cat to distract herself. She likes her short hair—it’s cute and easy to manage, and it doesn’t get in her face when she’s playing sports—but suddenly she wishes it were longer so she could hide behind it. That probably wouldn’t work too well, though—before long, she’s sure her peers will be able to recognize her just by her decidedly unfeminine frame.

“Psst,” Hanayo whispers, and Rin turns her head to look at her. Hanayo props up her notebook horizontally. On an otherwise clean page, she’s written in pretty, curly handwriting, I believe in you! with little hearts all around it.

Rin flashes her a tiny smile and mouths a thank-you, but she still can’t shake the feeling that everything about her is wrong. Her knees are too knobby, her handwriting isn’t neat enough, her voice is too loud. She feels like a randomized Sim, like someone just threw together a collection of traits and lumped them all into a person. She’d like to give the spirits a “You Tried” sticker.

—

Rin likes talking to people. She likes jumping in on a conversation about athletics or music or pets and talking about her favorite type of cat (orange tabbies, obviously) or her favorite sports (how could she choose just one?). She likes introducing herself to those who look shy or lonely—in fact, it’s how she met Hanayo. Today, though, she finds herself infuriatingly tongue-tied, stumbling over her words in a way she never has before. Though she attempts, as always, to appear friendly, most of the girls she talks to seem to be at least somewhat uncomfortable with or uninterested in her presence, as if they’re just waiting for her to go away. The last thing Rin wants is to make someone unhappy or upset, so once she senses that she isn’t quite welcome in a particular group or conversation, she politely withdraws from it.

When Rin walks into the bathroom, all the girls that were hanging out and doing their makeup immediately grab their things and leave.

Rin overhears a few more rude comments throughout the day, but no one is overly confrontational. She finds herself pondering over girls and the way they show aggression—how girls who speak disparagingly about others behind their backs are referred to as “catty,” while physical fights between girls are often called “catfights.” Either way, aggressive or passive-aggressive, dealing in physical damage or emotional, girls are consistently compared to cats. It’s unfair to cats, Rin thinks, to associate them only with animosity and violence. Cats can be sweet and loving, too. Cats wouldn’t hate her just for wearing skirts or referring to herself as a “she.”

“Rin-chan,” Hanayo says later that day when they walk home from school together, “are you going to join any clubs or activities? They’ve got a lot of sports.”

“I might do soccer,” Rin replies, “and maybe basketball in the winter. But I’ll have to try it out first to see if I like it.”

Hanayo raises an eyebrow but says nothing. Rin loves soccer; they both know she loves soccer. What Rin’s really saying is, I’ll have to see if I’m treated in a way that deters me from playing.

“Well, if you don’t like it,” Hanayo says delicately, “you could do other sports that aren’t team-oriented. There’s track and cross-country. And there’s dance.”

“Dance?” Rin repeats. “What makes you think I’d be any good at that?”

“Well, you’re so coordinated, and you have really good stamina,” Hanayo says, twirling a strand of light brown hair. “And you like music. It looks like it’d be really fun.”

“You should do it, then,” Rin says, not unkindly.

Hanayo chuckles sheepishly. “I’d like to, but I’ve been too nervous to go by myself. Maybe you could come with me? Just to the first couple of meetings.”

Rin frowns. It’s not that she dislikes the idea of dancing, necessarily; she’s just never considered it. Dancing is for pretty girls with limbs as pliable as putty and skin softer than rose petals, not a scrappy little transgender tomboy with scraped-up knees and a finger that didn’t heal properly because she took it out of the splint before she was supposed to. Dancing is for girls who would never be mistaken for boys.

“The people there seem really nice,” Hanayo adds. “And I’ll be with you, remember?”

After a few moments, Rin finds herself nodding slowly. “Okay,” she says, trying to picture herself dancing to pop music or classical arrangements. It doesn’t quite feel right. “But if it falls on the same day as soccer, I’m choosing soccer.”

—

At the first soccer practice, they have a scrimmage against one another. It’s a perfect chance for Rin to show her teammates what she can do, to earn their trust and start to build camaraderie just like when she played on boys’ teams. Within the first few minutes of the mock game, however, it becomes abundantly clear that most of the girls have no interest in establishing a rapport with her. Some shift uncomfortably whenever she’s near. Others, especially those on defense, play particularly aggressively with her, pressing so close to her that they almost touch, nearly shoving her out of the way, or “accidentally” kicking at her heels when attempting to steal the ball from her. Nearly all of them seem to refuse to pass her the ball, even when she’s wide open, and even though she’s one of the fastest and most experienced members, so that the only times she ever actually manages to get it are when she steals it from the other side. The coach claps whenever Rin scores a goal, but hardly anyone else does, and it only seems to be out of politeness.

At the end of the practice, Rin is about ready to fall over in exhaustion, but not in a good way. She doesn’t think she’s ever had to work so hard in her life to try to make people like her, or at least play nice with her.

Hanayo texts her that evening. How’d it go?

Not great :-( I think I’ll come with you tomorrow to the dance club, Rin responds.

Hanayo’s reply comes a few seconds later. Oh no I’m so sorry!! Tomorrow will be better I promise!!

Rin sighs and flops down on her bed. “I sure hope so,” she mumbles to no one as she stares blankly across the room. A dress she bought online hangs on her closet door, unworn.

—

The room used for the dance club is similar to a gymnasium, except that it’s smaller and has walls made entirely of mirrors. When Rin steps out onto the hardwood floor and sees a few other girls chatting in the center of the room with a dance instructor, her chest tightens.

Beside her, Hanayo takes a deep breath. “I’m nervous, too,” she says, taking Rin’s hand in her own. “But we’re here together.”

They amble up to the small group, and the dance instructor turns to them with a smile. “Oh! It’s so good to see some new faces,” she says. “You can call me Miyazaki-sensei.”

“Hi,” Rin and Hanayo say in unison. They both giggle nervously.

“Hey, there’s no need to be nervous!” says a spunky girl with a side ponytail. “Anyone can learn to dance. I’m living proof! Plus it’d make great material for the talent show!”

Rin and Hanayo exchange glances. “Talent show?” Rin says.

“Yeah!” the girl says. “Every year right before summer break, the school holds a talent show. Anyone can enter! It’s really fun! Last year Kotori-chan, Umi-chan, and I performed as a trio,” she gestures to the other two girls in the room, “and we’re hoping to do it again this year! Sign-ups should be—uhhh, Umi-chan, when are the sign-ups again?”

One of the girls, Umi, sighs in exasperation, but there’s a hint of a smile on her face. “Two Mondays from now. So not this coming Monday, but the one after that.”

“Great!” says the ponytail girl. Turning back to Rin and Hanayo, she adds, “Are you two friends? You should perform as a duo! It would be so cute! I bet I could find the perfect song for you guys—”

Miyazaki holds up a hand. “Why don’t we see if they actually enjoy it first, hm?” she says, amused.

First, they go around and introduce themselves. Miyazaki and the other girls seem nice enough; in fact, Rin thinks she saw Honoka, the ponytail girl, smile and wave at her as she walked into Otonokizaka on the first day of class. She appears to just love and accept everyone; her sincerity is almost childish, but charming nonetheless.

Then they get into the dancing. The three other girls, all second years, seem to know what they’re doing when it comes to planning their performance, so Miyazaki spends most of her time teaching Rin and Hanayo some simple moves to a handful of familiar pop songs.

Slowly, Rin can’t help but unfold. The satisfaction that blooms in her chest whenever she gets a move right, when she shifts her body perfectly to the rhythm of the music, is such a pleasant shock to her system that she feels herself letting her guard down, opening up. She and Hanayo laugh whenever they screw up a step, and no matter how many times they fail, Miyazaki’s patience and attentiveness never waver. When Rin glances over at the other girls, she finds them completely absorbed in their practice; only occasionally does she notice any of them looking her way, and when they do, it’s not with the piercing eyes of judgment, but the joy of sharing in something they love. In this room, Rin doesn’t have to worry about how others see her. She can just be.

—

Hanayo and Rin attend every dance rehearsal together. It’s a small, close-knit group, and even though they aren’t all working together on the same exact thing, Rin can feel that sense of camaraderie that she’s been missing. They’re all constantly looking to improve, to try new things, to create something lively and beautiful. The world is their canvas, their bodies the brushes, the music the paint. For Rin, dancing becomes an unexpected refuge. In the dance room, no one throws crumpled-up papers at her head or tries to trip her down the stairs; no one whispers ugly words in her ear as she walks by.

After hours of deliberation on both their parts, and a lot of convincing (read: begging) on Honoka’s part, Rin and Hanayo decide to take her suggestion and sign up for the talent show as a dancing duo. Honoka apparently spends an inordinate amount of time picking out the perfect song for them, an upbeat tune from an upcoming idol about accepting oneself. “Trust me,” she says, “the audience will love it. Idols are all the rage these days.”

Rin suspects that Honoka picked it out on purpose for its lyrics, but for what it’s worth, it is a catchy song, the kind of song that makes Rin want to jump up and dance whenever she hears it. Luckily for her, that’s exactly what she’s going to do.

Miyazaki helps them come up with the choreography, and they spend the next few months working avidly to perfect it. Even on weekends, they often meet up at one of their houses and practice for hours. Only if they feel that they did the best they possibly could will either of them feel comfortable enough to get up onstage and let hundreds of potentially unforgiving eyes gaze upon them.

Every once in a while, a particularly nasty comment or incident will give Rin pause, and she’ll feel an almost overwhelming urge to beg Hanayo to let them drop out of the talent show. She wouldn’t do that, though; she’d never want to force her best friend to turn her back on an opportunity just for her. Besides, she’ll be okay as long as Hanayo is there with her.

—

The day before the talent show, Hanayo isn’t in school.

During lunch, Rin calls her in a panic in one of the bathroom stalls. “What’s going on?” she hisses. “Our final rehearsal is tonight! Where are you?”

“I have pneumonia,” Hanayo replies.

Rin feels like the floor is falling out from underneath her. Words crowd in her mouth, but all that comes out is, “In summer?”

Hanayo chuckles halfheartedly. “Yeah. I think I got it from my grandfather. You know his immune system isn’t the best. I don’t think I’ll be able to—” She breaks off into a fit of coughing. “I can’t come tonight. I don’t think I’ll be able to perform tomorrow. I went to the doctor yesterday after school, and he says I need to rest until the antibiotics start working.”

Rin recalls the past few days, how Hanayo had been coughing for a little while and seemed more out of breath than usual. She’d hoped it was just a cold, that it would go away in no time. Now Hanayo is sick in bed, her lungs filled with fluid, and they’re scheduled to perform tomorrow.

“Kayo-chin, I—I can’t do it on my own,” she says, her heart starting to race at the thought of standing alone on that stage.

“Sure you can,” Hanayo says. “Just…finish the school day and then go to rehearsal. I’m sure Miyazaki-sensei can help you out.” Then she hangs up before Rin has the chance to argue.

The rest of her classes are a blur. Her mind spins with worst-case scenarios, and her hands shake too much for her to even try to doodle. She speaks to no one, afraid that if she opens her mouth, nothing coherent will come out.

As soon as the dismissal bell rings, Rin snatches her things and races down the hall to the dance room. Her hands are so full that she kicks the door open with her foot.

Miyazaki flashes a smile at her, but it quickly dissipates once she sees the look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

Rin drops her things on the floor against the wall. “Kayo-chin’s sick,” she says breathlessly. “Pneumonia. She can’t perform tomorrow. We have to drop out. I can’t do it without her; we have to drop out—”

Miyazaki holds up both her hands. “Whoa, whoa, slow down. Deep breaths, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

Rin nods reluctantly and tries to steady her breathing. She hears the door open and close behind her, and then Honoka says, “Where’s Hanayo-chan?”

“She’s sick,” Miyazaki says calmly. “Rin’s probably going to have to perform by herself tomorrow.”

“Oh dear,” Kotori says. “I hope she gets better soon.”

“Rin-chan can do it, though!” Honoka says. “We’ve all seen her in action. She’ll do great!”

Rin shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

“It shouldn’t be too difficult,” Umi adds matter-of-factly. “You two were basically doing the same moves, right? It’s not like you were ballroom dancing. You won’t have to change much of the choreography to turn it into a solo act. And we can help you.”

Rin shakes her head again, faster. “It’s not that. I’m not worried about how I’ll do. I’m worried about how it’ll look. I’m not one of those pretty girls everyone loves. I’m different. And everyone’s eyes will be on me and no one else. I’ll be the center of attention…and I just don’t know if I can deal with how they’ll react to that. It suits me to be a partner or a member of a group, so I can blend in more, so someone else can shine. I can’t be the girl who shines. Not like this.”

“Of course you can!” Honoka blurts. “People are afraid of what they don’t understand. But you’re a girl just like the rest of us. Now’s your chance to show everyone. You’re at the Otonokizaka Academy for Girls, aren’t you?”

“But I tried to show everyone,” Rin says, her shoulders slumping. “That’s what I thought going to this school would do. But people still treat me like I’m just too different for them. Like I’m a failed girl, like I’m the wrong kind of girl.”

It’s Miyazaki who speaks up next.

“Then that’s their problem,” she says, “not yours. There’s no such thing as a ‘wrong kind of girl.’ There are girls with short hair and girls who love sports and girls who like to work on cars and girls who wear tuxedos and girls who like to build things—and girls who were mistakenly raised as boys. And the sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you can be free of what others think of you. People are going to judge you no matter what you do. So if dancing brings you joy, and you want to share that joy with other people, then I want you to dance your heart out on that stage tomorrow.”

For a moment, all is silent. Then Rin chuckles sheepishly. She’s right. Of course she’s right.

“Okay,” she says finally. “Who wants to help me touch up this choreography?”

—

It’s the day before summer break, and the air buzzes with excitement. Even from backstage, Rin can feel her classmates’ gazes from out in the auditorium. Her heart feels like it’s going to claw its way out of her chest and make a run for it, and part of her wants to follow suit. Deep down, though, she knows she’s ready. She’s worked as hard as she possibly could. She’s going to stay, and she’s going to perform like her life depends on it. She has to, for Hanayo.

Rin adjusts her earrings and checks her makeup one final time in the backstage mirror before Miyazaki pops her head in. “Honoka, Kotori, and Umi are almost done,” she says. “You’re up.”

Rin smooths out her dress, a cute pastel pink, the very same one she bought online over the winter. It’s her first time wearing it in public, and it fits her like the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle. She takes a deep breath and glances down at her phone, which glows brightly with a new text message from Hanayo. I believe in you!! it reads, followed by a bunch of heart emojis.

Rin smiles, then fixes the pink barrette in her hair and heads out to the curtain area.

Honoka, Kotori, and Umi are walking offstage when Rin arrives. “You’ll do great!” Honoka whispers to her as she walks by, giving her a brief, sweaty hug. Kotori claps enthusiastically, and Umi puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Up next,” the principal says from the sound box, “we have Rin Hoshizora!”

The crowd claps politely. Rin tries her best not to look at any of them as she ambles onto the stage; her focus is only on the music and her body.

When she hears the opening of the song, all the fear and self-consciousness that’s been building up in her seems to fade away, replaced by instinct and muscle memory. She knows how to do this. She’s been doing it multiple days a week for months now.

For most of the first verse, the crowd is silent, as if they aren’t quite sure what to make of her. Then, when she bounces across the stage as the song shifts into the chorus, a few people whoop and cheer, and that’s all Rin needs to keep herself moving, to let the melody carry her home. She’s never felt more beautiful, more purely and authentically her. There’s so much she often hates about her body, but right now, she’s thankful for everything that makes her up, from her long limbs to her rectangular frame. Dancing, she’s discovered, isn’t just for conventionally attractive cis girls. It’s for anyone, as long as they have the passion and the resolve.

Honoka was right about the song choice—by the end, some people are clapping and dancing along, even singing the parts that they know. When Rin finishes the song with a smile, a wink, and a pose, the crowd responds in raucous applause. More than a few people in the audience seem shocked, and several others are smirking, shaking their heads, or mumbling to each other.

And yet, Rin finds it doesn’t particularly bother her. She’s realized something about this sudden turnaround: their acceptance of her is conditional, but her happiness is not. If being herself makes others uncomfortable…well, that’s their problem, not hers.

#love live!#rin hoshizora #hanayo koizumi #love live school idol project #love live school idol festival #trans girl rin #llsif #llsip #love live! fanfic #my fics

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paintmearainbow · 4 years ago

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What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

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smellycinnamonthundahfudge · 5 years ago

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Just Breathe, Peter

oohhh myyy im late im late i am so effing late hahahha. technically it’s still spideychelle month week 2 day 1 here in mah place but it’s nightime already so pheewww i am so effing late to the game hahaha.

ya ready for some angst/hurt/comfort, babes? this is directly after the ffh post credits scene, and i like to think the prequel to Safehouse which was my first entry for spideychelle month hihihi (even tho i actually wrote this one first haha)

hope you enjoy mj being such a calm collected rock in the midst of the eventual chaos that would ensue from the identity reveal, folks.

hurrah for spideychelle comfort being the oasis in the dry desert of angst hahaha

The moment Peter’s secret identity was revealed to the world, the minds of every single person who knew beforehand started going into overdrive, no one more so than Peter. His first thoughts immediately landed on the safety of the people he cared about: Aunt May, MJ, Ned, and Happy. He’s taken down quite a few criminals who would be more than happy to threaten the lives of the ones he cares about just so the thorn on their sides would be gotten rid of.

Peter immediately does a rundown of the whereabouts of every single person he cared about, and MJ was right down below him just a few feet away. MJ was still staring at the screen when Peter jumps down from the post he was hanging onto and just grabs her with no warning, in case anyone got any ideas of trying to attack her.

“Whoa, Peter, what are you doing?”

“I’ve gotta get you somewhere safe, MJ, there’s too many eyes around here and people know you’re close to Spider-man now.”

“Wait, Peter!”

Peter consequently proceeded to web-swing away to the nearest safe place that he could; a well hidden alley that no one was currently occupying at the moment. One and two thwips away from the square, and Peter and MJ were gone.

They land at the alley, and Peter gives himself some space from MJ to make sure she’s okay.

“MJ, are you okay? I am so sorry I webs-winged you without your permission.”

Peter runs his eyes all over MJ and then to the alley’s openings to check if they were followed.

“I just couldn’t risk anyone trying to attack you and-”

Peter was still checking all the exits when MJ shakes him to get him to face her.

“Peter, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

The last bit of agency Peter had left had just been taken away from him by a villain they thought was out of their lives forever and he still manages to think of the people he cares about first. The kindness that radiates from this boy is one of a kind. MJ only wished she could offer the same comfort for him right now. She’ll just have to try her best, she guesses, it’s what Peter deserved.

“I should be asking how you’re doing. Are you okay?”

After Peter’s made sure MJ was safe, he still had to make sure the others were as well. And like a ball, it’s when everything suddenly drops, and the consequences of what just happened finally dawns on him.

“I- I- I can’t-” Peter says, prying himself away from MJ.

Peter suddenly finds himself breathless, his legs are all wonky, and he has to hold himself by his knees just so he can remain upright.

“Oh my God, Peter!”

MJ rushes to Peter’s side, holding him up by his arms, but he resists and steps away.

“I- I have to make sure Aunt May’s safe, MJ,” Peter is barely able to say.

Peter didn’t even know where May was yet and even though some rational part of his mind is saying that it’s unlikely anyone could have gotten to her this quick, the shock of it all just made it too hard to focus on anything other than the fact that he doesn’t know where his loved ones are right now, and he doesn’t know if they’re okay.

“Peter, you can’t save May in the condition you’re in right now. You could do more harm than good.”

MJ didn’t want to say it, but she had to tell Peter the harsh truth. And it worked; MJ’s blunt words stopped Peter in his tracks. MJ knew Peter’s heart was in the right place, it’s just his mind that wasn’t.

“I just- I can’t I can’t lose anyone again because of me.”

Peter turns around and MJ sees tears have started to form in his eyes.

“I thought- I thought Beck was gone, MJ. I thought-”

And Peter loses it. He drops down on his knees and the tears start flowing faster. He’s finding it even harder to breathe. MJ gets down on the ground right in front of him and just hugs him as tight as she can.

MJ knows it isn’t much but if she can provide a sense of comfort in the chaos that is his life now, shield him from the unbearable weight of his problems for even just a few minutes, MJ’s gonna fucking do it.

“I thought he was gone, MJ,” Peter mumbles onto her shoulder as he continues to cry.

“He did this just to hurt me.”

Peter doesn’t say it to MJ, maybe because he’s too busy trying to breathe and keep himself from falling apart, but Peter hated himself right now. He should have known better than to think he’d actually genuinely get a true win for once in his life.

“I- I don’t know what’s going to happen to my life now, MJ. He- he ruined it. I don’t think I can-”

Peter isn’t able to finish his sentence. He doesn’t think he can be with his family anymore, because it might be too dangerous for them. He doesn’t think he can lose any more of the people he loves. He just doesn’t think he can do… anything, anything to help himself right now. Beck stole from Peter the only thing he had left, the one thing he had that let him have some semblance of a normal life. So much was going thru his mind that he found himself unable to stop crying even just for a minute to explain why he was reacting the way he is.

As MJ hugs Peter, she’s finding herself in a state she only seems to find herself in when she’s with him, she’s out of words. She is in no way prepared to handle any of this. Peter losing his secret identity was like a bombshell that had dropped in on their Saturday morning date. But MJ knows, there was no point in having both of them freak out right now, so she summoned all the courage she had into trying to stay steady, calm, and collected. Peter had already lost so much, and now he lost his identity too. She had to be a rock; she had to be Peter’s rock.

“Peter,” MJ finally manages to say as she burrows her head onto his shoulder and caresses his back, his nape, and runs her hand thru his hair.

“I know you have a lot going through your mind right now. I’m still trying to process it all myself.”

MJ pulls away from the hug but only just so Peter can hear her words properly. She looks him in the eyes and says

“But right now, it’s just us, okay? Beck isn’t here, all the criminals of New York aren’t here; it’s just you and me in this alley right now.

“Peter and MJ and no one else,” says MJ as she goes back to hug him tight as she can once again.

“Just breathe, Peter.”

“Your world has just been shook to its core. You get to take a moment to process what just happened and grieve before you start dealing with it all.”

Little by little, the raggedness of Peter’s breathing starts to slow down. He’s still trembling but as he breathes in and out, in and out, it starts to get steadier. Peter nods and does exactly what MJ says. He closes his eyes and just focuses on getting his breathing back to normal.

MJ is still caressing him, and before he knows it, Peter’s beginning to get this feeling of warmth and comfort wash over him as more and more time passes in their tight embrace.

And Peter asks, desperate for reassurance, voice shaky from fear, mouth muffled by MJ’s shoulder, puffy red eyes still closed and his fisted hands currently covering the rest of his face.

“Just you and me?”

Their lives had just been changed forever. But none of that mattered in the moment. Right now, the rest of the world didn’t exist, and it was just Peter and MJ.

MJ replies with a smile as she wipes away the few tears that managed to escape.

“Yeah, Peter, just you and me.”

They weren’t even talking anymore, and they were still on the ground of some random New York alley but MJ wouldn’t dare move away from the hug. She would be more than happy to wait as long as it took for Peter to get a grip on himself, feel better, and get back to the optimistic, kind, and intelligent boy she fell in love with.

MJ suddenly feels Peter moving away from the hug, his breath isn’t as ragged anymore, and his voice is no longer shaky, but you can feel the sense that Peter is just so tired and worn out now.

Peter looks MJ in the eyes, his own still red and puffy and says “Thanks, MJ” with a sad smile.

MJ merely wipes off some of the tears left on Peter’s face and says “Anytime, Peter”

Peter stands up and so does MJ.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asks MJ caressing Peter’s hand.

“I am now,” Peter looks MJ in the face, “really.”

“Okay, so what are we going to do, Peter?”

“I need to get to Aunt May.”

“Then let’s go already” says MJ already hanging onto Peter’s shoulders.

Just a few moments ago, MJ told him she was never going to web-swing again, but here she was now ready to propel herself across rooftops with him just to help him.

“Okay, let’s go,” Peter says with a smile, before putting his mask back on, holding onto MJ tight, and shooting a web onto the nearest roof as he and MJ propel up to the air and Peter thanks his lucky stars that he’s with MJ.

He truly doesn’t know what he would’ve done without her. Yeah, he’s pretty sure he doesn’t just “really like” MJ, he loves her and he’ll do anything to make sure that she and the other people he loves are safe, no matter what.

~ end ~

yaaayyyy only one more promised prompt left, folks hahaha. i actually do have other plans but i didn’t promise/mention those ones yet hahaha

i still have to write the follow up for safehouse hahaha but it’s fine. i’m hopeful i can keep up

i hope yalls liked this one. cus i really do as well :’) <3

shoutout to @tare8chan for being my first beta ever, and for being the beta for this one. i am always very thankful for ur notes n comments n suggestions n support, and i just appreciate you a lot so much thanks :’)

SPIDEYCHELLE WEEK 2 DAY 1 IS DONE AND I CANT BELIEVE I MADE IT PAST ONE WEEK WOOT WOOT. LET’S KEEP THIS SPIDEYCHELLE TRAIN GOING PEOPLE

#spideychelle #spideychelle is canon bitches #spideychelle month #spideychellemonth #to keep the spideychelle dream alive #ffh spoilers #sm:ffh #FFH #peter parker #michelle jones #spider-man #mj #<3 #:')

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ariannjs · 6 years ago

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KARIN | A SasuSaku FanFic (4/10)

(Karin - Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3)

———

When he opened Karin's room, he didn't expect the sight to leave him frozen by the door with his mouth slightly parted in awe. His heart ran wild as his mind suddenly flew to a far future that he didn't even know if he'll ever reach or deserve.

For he found Sakura in the middle of the room, gazing at a redhead baby in her arms as she hummed a random tune and swayed it to sleep. He never imagined how such a beautiful scenario was fitting for her to be in.

"Oh. Good afternoon, Sasuke-kun."

He recovered from his trance when Sakura glanced up and smiled at him, gently and almost sheepishly, taking his breath away. "Hn." He avoided her eyes as he dropped the bag he was holding to a table once he was inside the room. "I brought the remaining stuff of Karin from my house."

"Ah. Karin's still asleep, she became easily tired after welcoming Suigetsu earlier." Sakura giggled softly to avoid waking the little bundle in her arms. "Meanwhile, Suigetsu said he'll try to search for a temporarily place they could stay in while Karin and the baby are recuperating."

He tersely nodded, continuing to avert his eyes from her. After years of his absence, and a month of her deliberate avoidance in seeing him, Sasuke suddenly struggled to keep his cool around the pink-haired medic.

It didn't even help that she began pacing towards him, still humming a sweet melody that he couldn't put a name on, and then she stopped close enough for him to smell the cherry blossom scent of his hair alongside – what was that – milk? Ah, of course, she was holding a baby. His heart pounded against his ribcage at that fact once more.

"Sasuke-kun, this is Suika." She cradled the baby and looked at him. This time, he had no choice but to meet her dazzling gaze. "Do you want to hold her?"

Sasuke's eyes widened momentarily. "I...I only have one arm, Sakura."

She chuckled. "I know. But don't worry. Here, I'll help you." She was already extending her arms and positioning the baby on his only arm before he could even reply.

He, on the other hand, was stuck in staring at her face the whole time. It wasn't having a single arm that could compromise the baby's safety, but his lack of focus due to his awestruck admiration towards the medic nin. He didn’t expect her to be that knowledgeable and comfortable about anything related to babies at such a young age.

He felt a tug at the corner of his lips at the realization that his former teammate in their genin squad has come a long way. A part of him wished that he was there to witness her growth in the past, but a bigger part of him suddenly desired that from now on, he’d be there to see her reach the beautiful future that awaits her.

"There! Suika, this is Uncle Sasuke." She cooed.

Sasuke gripped the baby a little tighter when she let out a soft whimper. He finally turned his face to Suika and slowly imitated the way Sakura cradled her moments ago as she fixed the infant's bib in place.

He was well aware that Sakura was too close and that they were in such an intimate position, holding a baby and all. And Sasuke couldn't help but think about the possibility of him and Sakura being in the same scenario again one day. The only difference would be holding a black-haired (or pink-haired? He doesn't mind.) baby in between them by then. He was a little surprised with the direction his thoughts went so he softly cleared his throat, hoping to clear his mind as well.

"You're doing well, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura chuckled as she took a step back, taking in the sight of the great Sasuke Uchiha holding an infant in his arm. "You look so cute holding a bab—oh!" Her hand flew to cover her lips at the realization of what she had just said. A flush immediately appeared on her cheeks. "I mean, it's...uh...you—"

Tch. Annoying. "It's fine." He smirked. At least he's not the only one who was flustered.

"Hey, Sasuke!" They suddenly heard a voice by the door.

"Sssh! Suigetsu! Your wife and daughter's asleep!"

Sasuke stifled a laugh at the way Sakura hissed at his former comrade in Taka which reminded him of the usual way she scolded Naruto in Team 7. He still found it a bit odd that two parts of his past could still be there in his present.

The water ninja scratched the back of his head. "Ah. Sorry, Sakura-san."

"Do you want to hold your kid?"

"Where is—oh!" Suigetsu suddenly snickered when Sasuke turned to face him. "Never in my life did I imagine seeing you holding anything valuable other than a sword, let alone a baby!"

His former leader rolled his eyes.

"Here, let me get her."

Sasuke eyed Sakura for assistance but she simply gave him an encouraging nod, trusting him fully that he wouldn't be the cause of a newborn’s cracked head today.

When Suigetsu was already carrying his daughter, his gaze quickly softened as he flashed a toothy smile.

Sasuke was yet again surprised with the sight. He couldn’t deny that he was amazed with how his former comrades have changed for the better since the time he formed Team Hebi.

He looked on the ground. How could someone with an intense drive for killing people have such a look on his face? Is redemption really that possible? Does he even deserve the same thing?

“Really, though, Sasuke, thank you,” Suigetsu began, his eyes still fixed on his kid. “I believe it was orchestrated how we crossed paths last month. I...I really didn’t want to put Karin in danger in the Mist. They still needed to believe that I’m really pledging allegiance to my clan again despite my connection with Orochimaru for my new family needs a place to stay in. But if they saw Karin with me while we settle disputes, they might think we’re plotting something against the village.” He rolled his eyes and cackled. “Things like that were fun. But, I’m way past that. I and Karin are way past that. Thanks to you.”

Sasuke’s head snapped up, his lips parted as if to ask him what he was talking about.

“When we saw how willing you are to recommit to the Leaf, and help it from the outside, we thought it’s possible to do the same thing, to be like you in some ways. Now, we’re here. And you’ve kept my wife and child safe up to now. So, thanks Sasuke.”

Sasuke was still frozen in place as he stared back at Suigetsu. How could his former teammates be inspired with someone so messed up like him?

Sakura was smiling the whole time as he observed the two men. She could sense how uneasy Sasuke was, and she could only imagine the struggle in his thoughts right now. She sighed softly, realizing that he probably still didn’t believe that he’s now a changed man.

How could he not see it? She’s heard from Naruto and Kakashi how he was serving the village from afar and how he was helping people from other villages. It even made her think of him as a one-man police force that protects the village in the shadows. And that kind of man is far from the broken boy he used to be. She really wished he sees it now.

“I’m sure Karin is grateful as well. You know how much that woman was into you.” Suigetsu released another laugh. “I don’t even know how your patience survived her in the past month.”

“Oi! I can hear you!”

Three pairs of eyes darted towards the patient in the room.

“Oh. Speaking of the four-eyed devil,” Suigetsu muttered, feigning irritation.

Sakura found herself amused at the husband and wife. “Karin, glad you’re awake.” She then paced towards her and assisted her so she could be in a sitting position.

“Thanks, Sakura.” Karin slightly shifted in her bed, her entire body still sore from yesterday’s labor. “Well, truth be told, I didn’t bother Sasuke that much since I could take care of myself. I only sought for his help when I needed to go out and buy something since long walks are going to be the death of me, probably until now. So mind you, Shark-face, I don’t think I’ve stretched his patience. Right, Sasuke?” She grinned.

Sasuke heaved a sigh, and they weren’t sure if he wanted to say otherwise.

Suigetsu stifled a laugh at this. “Well, if circumstances were different I’m sure you would’ve been glad that you finally had an alone time with Sasuke.” He quirked an eyebrow at his wife. “You’ve always wanted that, right?”

“Oi! That’s not what—!”

“You’re both waking up and stressing out your kid.” Sasuke took it back, his teammates hadn’t changed at all.

“Sasuke-kun’s right, guys.” Sakura chuckled with her hands on her hips. “Now, now, I need you, men, to be out for a while because I’ll let Karin try to breastfeed Suika.”

Both men’s ears turned red.

“Oh, alright.” Suigetsu approached Karin who was still glaring at him. Snickering, he handed their baby gently in her arms. “I’ll be back. I might go out again to continue searching for a place.” He then kissed the top of his daughter’s head, paused in front of Karin’s face, and stuck his tongue out at her when she expected for a kiss.

Her reaction was worth it, and he was sure if she wasn’t holding their baby, she would’ve smacked him around the head.

When the water ninja was already by the door, holding it open for him, Sasuke turned to face Sakura and said, “I’ll just wait for you outside.”

And then all the girls were left inside the room.

Sakura remained staring at the door, slightly wondering as to why Sasuke would say that he would wait for her when in fact, Karin was the patient and the one he should be visiting. Then she realized the fact that weirdly, he didn’t even speak to the redhead at all.

———

(Karin - Part 5)

Any comments on this part wherein we’ve finally seen the father of the baby? Haha. Your comments on your thoughts, feelings, and feedback are highly appreciated!😄

My estimate on the chapter length of this was extended due to the limits of what I can post on a single tumblr post. Stay tuned for the next one! Thanks & God bless!

Check out my other SasuSaku fics here!☺️

- A

#sasusaku #sasukarin #suikarin #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #sasusakufanfic #ssfanfic #sasusakuoneshot #sasusakufanfics #sasusakufanfiction #sasusakucanon #karin uzumaki #suigetsu hozuki #karin hozuki #ss fanfiction #ss fanfic

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mikotyzini · 7 years ago

Text

What Defines Us - Ch. 20

Thank you to those who’ve been following this story, and a special thanks to the people who’ve signed up on Patreon for early chapters and commentary and everything. Your support means the world to me! Recently, I’ve been spending 3-4 hours a night after work writing, and I really wouldn’t do that if not for you guys. <3

If you want to read on ff.net (or find previous chapters), here’s the link.

After briefly rubbing her tired eyes, Ruby blinked and then blinked again - trying to get the tiny object in her hand to come into better focus. It’d be a whole lot easier if it weren’t so dang small! Like, seriously, why were small things the coolest? It made them so friggin’ difficult to work on!

Taking a big breath, she let it out in one smooth exhale while carefully layering another swipe of paint - her hand steady while a thin line appeared against a background of dark grey. Taking another breath, she blew softly on the fresh paint so it would dry before she set everything down on the workbench.

Perfect!

It was really tough to make such little lines, but she’d figured out how to do it after a whole bunch of practice. ‘A whole bunch’ meaning pages and pages of trial swipes done just to make sure that one itty bitty line would look great. But it did, so the sleep hours devoted to drawing instead of sleeping had been worth it.

And, for not having a heck of a lot of time, her latest project had turned out a lot better than expected. Maybe because her inspiration was better than usual. Or maybe because she was better than usual!

That was definitely something Yang would say. But Yang wasn’t here right now, so Ruby got to say it! Er...think it.

It wasn’t very long ago that she’d kind of dreaded the days her big sister would leave for hunts, but this time had been different. Without Yang around, the house was actually...quiet. It was really weird, but also kind of nice. If anything, it gave Ruby the chance to work on her projects without her sister barging in and throwing random objects at her. Although she missed the candy - it wasn’t so bad when Yang would throw candy into the garage. That was the best! It just wasn’t as great when Yang threw things like lemons or pieces of cheesecake. It was really hard to catch cheesecake without smearing it everywhere...

Yang and Blake had left last night after dinner, but would hopefully be back soon. Using her novice interrogation skills (she was still learning from Blake), Ruby had managed to pry the hunt details from Yang like a hot knife slicing through warm butter. Or...well, basically it had been really easy to get Yang to talk. Like bribing a parrot with a carrot. Heh, that rhymed.

But Blake and Yang had picked up an ‘assassinate’ contract - the kind Blake loved to do. Ruby could see why - they sounded awesome! Basically, certain Grimm were so smart and deadly that they’d earn themselves a nickname - a cool one like ‘Deathdealer’ or ‘Ten Claws’ or ‘The Vanisher.’ The goal of an assassinate contract was to hunt down and destroy these overly powerful and aggressive Grimm. Wipe them off the face of Remnant!

This particular contract was for an Ursa who’d grown a bit too well known near the outskirts. His name was - and Ruby had thought Yang was teasing her until she saw the name with her own eyes - The Hugger. The Hugger! That didn’t sound like a deadly Ursa - it sounded like a character from some kids’ cartoon show!

Or just a cartoon show, because cartoons weren’t exclusively for kids. In fact, people of all ages could watch cartoons. Not just kids. And watching cartoons didn’t make someone childish. Adults could watch cartoons - cartoons with characters named The Hugger.

When Ruby asked how they’d know they’d found this super deadly bear hugger, Blake had almost too calmly answered that it’d be whichever one tried to hug Yang. It was funny because sometimes Blake could be really possessive about people getting too close to Yang, but didn’t seem to care much when it came to Grimm. If anything, it kind of sounded like Yang was going to be bait for this contract.

Tracking a Grimm through the forest at night though...that sounded like a lot of fun! Ruby wished she could’ve gone, but she also knew she was a little clumsy and wasn’t sure she could stay quiet for that long. She didn’t know how Yang could stay quiet for more than a few minutes at a time!

Because Blake and Yang had to find the Grimm before they could kill it, they had no idea when they’d get back. It could be next week; it could be in a few minutes - it all depended on how quickly they could track and dispose of the beast. Theoretically, they could be gone for years - stuck out in the forest, eating berries and tree bark to survive…but Yang had sounded pretty confident that they wouldn’t be gone for long. She’d even made a joke about how Ruby should make dinner for them, as if they’d want to eat undercooked noodles and raw vegetables after they’d been up all night.

Staying at home wasn’t so bad though. It meant Ruby didn’t have to eat tree bark and it had given her enough time to finish a spur of the moment idea she’d had. Unfortunately, being spur of the moment didn’t mean this project was quick and easy. It was actually the opposite of that - never-ending and horribly challenging. But she’d been determined! Determined enough that she’d skipped her last few practices - something she hadn’t done in months. Ordinarily, she’d feel guilty about skimping out on her training, but Yang said it was ok to take a little break after a hunt to rest and recuperate.

Sitting on the edge of her seat, Ruby leaned over the bench to look at what she’d just created - being extra careful not to touch it for the next few minutes while the paint dried. When a big yawn slipped out, she covered her mouth with one hand and blinked several times to knock the exhaustion away.

The little project looked pretty good, but the most important question was - would she like it?

When Ruby’s scroll buzzed beside her face, she jumped out of the seat in surprise and knocked her knee into the workbench with a loud bang.

It was Weiss though!

Hopping on one leg while rubbing her broken knee, Ruby grabbed the scroll and was immediately disappointed.

It wasn’t Weiss. It was a message from Yang - a picture.

Resuming her perch on the chair, Ruby opened the message and found a picture taken through a heavily wooded area. At first glance, it looked like nothing more than trees and bushes and leaves, which was totally something Yang would do. Send a photo and get Ruby all excited…

Ah! But there was something! If she squinted her eyes, she could barely make out a black shape in the distance. Zooming in on that spot, the caption of ‘huggin’ time!’ suddenly made a lot more sense. If that was a regular sized tree right next to the black blob, then that was a big Ursa. Big, big, big Ursa. They should’ve called him Jumbursa. No, that was lame. But not as lame as The Hugger!

She knew better than to respond right away, but her heart was pounding from just looking at the photo and knowing that Yang and Blake were, right at this moment, within shouting distance of the monster. While Ruby was safe at home, they were getting into a huge fight. It was weird...she felt like she should be out there with them, but she also knew that they could take care of each other.

Hearing two knocks on the front door, she instantly leaped to her feet and yelped when both of her knees crashed into the bench this time, nearly knocking everything over. Squealing, she managed to catch her newest prized possession, steadying it on its stand before dashing into the house and flying to the front door. Not even checking through the window to see who was outside, she threw the door open and grinned.

“Weiss!” she exclaimed, rushing forward and pulling Weiss into a hug that was returned with one arm.

One of these days Weiss would hug properly - which meant using both arms! A full circle! Although it probably didn’t help that she was currently carrying a brown paper bag in one hand...

“Hi, Ruby. I hope you don’t mind, but I brought you some food,” Weiss replied with a timid smile, holding out the bag.

“Why would I mind??” Ruby asked in confusion while accepting the bag.

“Oh. Well, that’s just - I didn’t actually think that you would - it’s a saying.”

Ruby couldn’t help but giggle at Weiss’ adorably flustered response, which only made Weiss look even more unsure of what to say next.

“How about - I brought you some food,” she finally concluded, her eyes searching Ruby’s to see if that had cleared up the miscommunication.

“Well, I hope you don’t mind if I accept the food I don’t mind that you brought me,” Ruby replied while unfurling the top of the bag. “You really didn’t have to - oh!! Spaghetti! That’s my favorite!”

The comment made Weiss smile while she followed Ruby into the kitchen. Setting the bag on the table, Ruby pulled out the containers and gave them a second and third glance. It didn’t take a master-level detective to figure out that they hadn’t come from any restaurant she’d ever been to.

“Did you make this?” she asked, which only made Weiss look embarrassed.

“Yes, I did.”

Homemade spaghetti! From Weiss! That was a gift Ruby really didn’t mind!

“You can cook?” she asked in complete amazement. “Wow, is there anything you can’t do?”

“Many things,” Weiss answered so sincerely that Ruby chuckled.

“Yeah right...tell me one thing you can’t do!”

Searching for an answer, Weiss looked into Ruby’s eyes while her mouth opened, but no words came out.

“See? You can’t even think of anything!” Ruby pointed out happily. Finally smiling, Weiss shook her head.

“I can’t catch butterflies.”

Bursting into laughter at the memory, Ruby quickly stuck the containers into the fridge so she could turn back to Weiss. “But you looked so cute trying!”

Ah - that word! It just slipped out. Could she use that word with Weiss? Yeah? No, she could play it off.

“I can’t cook at all,” she added quickly, changing the subject like a pro. “But I’m great at cutting things up! Yang calls me the Super Chopper.”

Waving her hands through the air in a chopping motion, she beamed when Weiss chuckled.

“Well that’s perfect - every chef needs a sous chef to prepare ingredients for them.”

“Then I can be your sous chef?”

“Absolutely.”

For a long time, the two of them shared a smile - probably the longest one they’d shared yet - before Weiss finally turned away and coughed into her hand.

“So...what have you been up to while Blake and Yang are away?”

“I’ve been keeping myself busy! Working on another project and enjoying the silence,” Ruby replied with another small laugh. “They might be back tonight though, so it’s not so bad.”

“You don’t mind having the house to yourself?”

“It’s awesome! I can do whatever I want!” After spinning in a quick, semblance-fueled circle, Ruby planted her feet and caught one of her petals out of the air when she came to an abrupt stop. “I used to get kinda lonely or bored when they left for a few days,” she admitted. “But it’s not so bad anymore.”

This time she’d actually been excited for her two roommates to leave. The front door had hardly closed before she’d messaged Weiss to see when she could come over. And then the front door had reopened because Yang had forgotten something, so she’d caught Ruby texting and gotten in a few lame jokes before actually leaving.

“But now when they leave we can hang out, right?” Ruby shot Weiss a hopeful look before quickly adding, “I mean, if you’re not busy.”

“I can always make time for you.”

The effortless reply made Ruby’s cheeks warm right up. It made her feel special when Weiss said things like that! Like she’d actually try to create time for Ruby, if it came to that. And the way Weiss said it was so simple, like of course she would do that - because why wouldn’t she go through the effort of doing something impossible just to hang out with Ruby?

“Great! Then I hope they go on a lotta hunts,” Ruby said before stifling a yawn and rubbing her eyes.

“Are you alright?” Weiss’ eyes were openly concerned as she asked the question, so Ruby rubbed her eyes again to remove some of the tiredness Weiss must be seeing - only for another yawn to slip out.

“Yeahhh just a little tired!” she said after her yawn had passed. Staying up all night tended to do that to a person.

“Did you not sleep well? Is it your wrist? Did you take anything for it?”

Giggling at all the questions, Ruby shook her head. It was sweet how Weiss fretted over something so simple, but the worry was unnecessary.

“Naw, just stayed up too late!”

The answer was made of fudge. Technically Ruby had stayed up until this moment - which was quite late (in her opinion).

“Do you want to get some sleep? I could always come back later -”

“No, it’s ok! I’m feeling great!” Ruby yelped before forcing a wide grin.

Weiss couldn’t leave yet - she’d just gotten here! Plus, Ruby felt fine! Sure, she was tired and had a bit of a headache, but it was just one of those vague tired headaches - like when your head is squishing your brain a little too hard. Being too tired must make your skull shrink...either that or makes your brain bigger!

She could always take a nap later, but right now she had something for Weiss.

“Oh! I have something to show you!”

Even though she’d been thinking about it since Weiss had knocked on the door, Ruby tried to make it sound like she’d just remembered it. That way it would seem like no big deal - because it wasn’t really. It was just…a normal deal.

Waving Weiss after her, Ruby made her way back into the garage, where she’d spent practically all of her time since their visit to the Dust factory. Which had been amazing and so much cooler than Ruby had ever expected. And so, so thoughtful – like, wow, Weiss had really gone out of her way to make sure they had a great time.

Because Weiss had done something so nice for them, Ruby wanted to give Weiss something nice in return. So she’d been hard at work! That meant she’d stayed up a little later than she should have - or hadn’t slept at all - but it was worth it! Or it would be worth it if Weiss liked what Ruby had created - which was still resting on top of the workbench where she’d left it. By now the paint would be dry, so she didn’t hesitate reaching over to pick it up and hold it out to Weiss.

It was a little nerve-wracking! Weiss was so amazing and obviously had enough money to buy anything she wanted, so the idea of giving her a gift was kind of stressful...stressful enough to make Ruby’s heart beat really, really fast.

“What do you think?” she asked, dropping the tiny object into Weiss’ hand.

“Wow...Ruby, this is spectacular…” Weiss whispered while holding the shiny object carefully between her thumb and forefinger, rotating it gently so it caught the light in the garage just right.

It was just a little ring, but Ruby had made it from scratch!

The band had been the easiest part - repurposing a nice dark grey metal that had welded together smoothly. Along the outer surface, Ruby had painted a single vine of thorns, but the thorns were in the same shade of white-blue as Weiss’ glyphs. Against the dark grey metal, they popped way better than red or black would have.

“You made the entire thing, I’m guessing?”

“Uh, yeah. The band is from an old sword, and I just finished the painting before you got here,” Ruby answered, wringing her hands while Weiss continued to look over the ring.

“It’s beautiful,” Weiss finally said, the reply making Ruby grin while her heart thundered in her chest.

“I’m glad you like it! Because...uh...well, I made it for you.”

Running one hand through her hair, a nervous smiled tugged at her lips when light blue eyes shot up to hers.

“I can change the design if you want,” she added when Weiss said nothing in response. “I’ve just been drawing thorns everywhere since naming my glove. Yang keeps making jokes about how ‘prickly’ I’ve been.” Ruby rolled her eyes at the lame joke. “But I wanted to give you something as a ‘thank you’ for showing us around your family’s factory. It was really fun!”

From the way Weiss was staring, she was at a loss for words. It was only when Ruby shuffled her feet uncomfortably at the silence that Weiss opened her mouth to speak.

“You didn’t have to do this…”

“I know! I wanted to. I had fun making it, too.”

When Weiss’ eyes fell back to the ring in her hands and searched the inside of the band, Ruby held her breath. Spinning it in a slow circle while examining it closely, Weiss eventually turned it back over, and Ruby couldn’t help but grin.

She might have taken a page out of the book of the person who’d worked on Myrtenaster and hidden a word on the interior where the two pieces seamed together. It had taken hours of practice before she’d gotten good enough to make the tiny letters somewhat legible, but she’d eventually figured it out. And apparently she’d done a good enough job that Weiss couldn’t see it - score one for Ruby Rose!

“I don’t know what to say…” Weiss whispered towards the ring in her hands before looking up and meeting Ruby’s eyes. “Thank you. This might be one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me...”

“I’m really glad you like it! Here I was all worried…” Ruby let out a small chuckle at how silly her fears seemed now.

“I love it, Ruby.”

Weiss looked directly into Ruby’s eyes as she said the words, making Ruby’s heart do a silly little double beat that felt just as weird as it sounded. She’d hoped that Weiss would like it. Loving it was way better.

“But don’t feel like you’ve gotta wear it or anything!” Ruby hurried out before Weiss could feel any pressure to do so. “You can always put it in a drawer or something - I won’t be upset!”

Biting her lip, Weiss thought about the words for several seconds before she slipped the ring onto her finger and gently wiggled it around.

“It fits perfectly,” she remarked, her brow furrowing in confusion. “How did you know my ring size?”

“Oh, you know, I have this super scientific way of figuring out someone’s ring size,” Ruby bolstered before letting out a giggle. “It’s called ‘Ruby’s Art of Guessing!’”

Her laughter made Weiss chuckle softly along with her.

“But I figured your hands are, uh, more delicate than mine, so I used my ring and then made yours a bit smaller!” she explained, briefly holding up the ring around her neck to prove her point. “Oh, and the best part!” Moving around Weiss, Ruby grabbed Thorn from his stand and pulled the glove over her hand. “Ok - give me a high five!”

Curious, Weiss held up her hand and reached towards Thorn. The moment the ring and glove were in close enough proximity, the thorns painted on each illuminated - the vibrant ice-blue popping out against the dark gray backgrounds.

“Luminescent paint!” Ruby exclaimed, clasping her hand around Weiss’ so the heightened color wouldn’t fade away. “Isn’t it cool? It’s purely cosmetic, but ya know, totally worth it.”

“That’s...amazing…” Weiss replied softly, intertwining her fingers with Ruby’s while staring at the thorns glowing brightly.

Ruby watched Weiss’ reaction with a grin, their hands still locked together. She’d had to repaint Thorn since she hadn’t used the same paint the first time around, but it was worth it. Now she and Weiss had a cool friend thing! If they went on more hunts together, people could give them a cool nickname - like The Glowing Thorns or The White Thorns. Or they could be officially lame and go with The Huggers. Ha. Grimm beware…

Still undecided on a nickname, Ruby’s attention flitted back to Weiss when she suddenly slipped her hand away and rubbed both hands up and down her arms with a barely noticeable shiver.

“Are you cold?” Ruby immediately asked.

“Um...just a little.”

“It gets cold out here. Come on - I’ll get you something warm to wear!”

“It’s really -”

“No no, don’t say it’s ok!” Ruby interrupted while heading towards the door to the house. Turning around, she grinned at the perplexed expression on Weiss’ face. “You’re cold, so I’m getting you a jacket or sweater or something! You can either wait here or come with me!”

Taken aback, Weiss blinked several times before finally nodding her head.

“Then lead the way.”

Chuckling at Weiss’ acquiescence, Ruby walked inside - tugging Thorn off her hand and tossing him onto the kitchen table while they walked by it. Making it to her room, she gently kicked open the door with one foot and gestured towards her bed.

“You can sit if you want,” she offered, before heading to the closet to find some warmer clothing to lend her friend.

If she had to guess, Weiss would like something super trendy and fashionable. In other words, nothing Ruby owned. But she couldn’t let Weiss be cold! There had to be something that would kinda...maybe...sorta…well, a great lesson to be learned right now was that Weiss had a different taste in fashion than Ruby did. So...her favorite one would have to do!

Grabbing the red and black jacket and spinning around – her headache giving a slight twinge of complaint as she did so - Ruby found Weiss perched on the very edge of the bed like she didn't know how to sit there. Her back was super straight, her hands were in her lap, and her hair draped over one shoulder. Maybe she felt uncomfortable, but she looked like a princess.

“Here you go!” Holding up the jacket, Ruby waited for Weiss to stand and then helped her into the sleeves. It was a little big on her - the sleeves too long and the shoulders too big - but it was kind of cute the way it enveloped her.

Ah! That word again! At least Ruby hadn’t said it out loud this time. Wait - she hadn’t said it out loud the first time...had she?

“Sorry, it probably smells like roses,” she apologized when she noticed Weiss lower her nose towards the collar. “I can never get the smell out of my stuff! It’s like permanent perfume. Permafume.”

Letting out a small scoff of amusement, Weiss gave Ruby one of the best smiles she’d received yet.

“Don't be sorry. I love the smell.”

The words made Ruby’s cheeks pleasantly warm while Weiss turned her gaze down to the cuffs of the jacket.

If Weiss loved the smell of roses, that was great! For Ruby. Probably not for people who didn’t always smell like roses.

“At least it beats smelling like I just jumped out of a burning building like Yang does!” Ruby joked at her sister’s expense, earning another surprised laugh from Weiss.

“If I’m not mistaken, Blake loves that smell,” Weiss replied with a smirk.

“Oh yeah. Something about how it smells like ‘home.’” Laughing a little, Ruby shook her head. “Those two are so weird.”

“At least they have each other.”

“That’s right! Every weirdo must have a matching weirdo, right?”

“You’re right,” Weiss agreed, smiling back at Ruby. Again their eyes stayed locked for a few seconds before Weiss abruptly turned away in favor of staring at the ground.

Maybe Ruby wasn’t the best at social interactions, but she was more interesting than the ground, right? Seriously, the carpet was just carpet. It was a kinda gray, kinda blue color that probably had a weird name like ‘afternoon sky’ or ‘inky clay.’ The little whatchamacallits - the fabric part that stuck up - were super soft though. They felt really nice when she wasn’t wearing any socks! There was also a small patch hidden underneath the bed that had gotten an itsy bit burned by complete accident. Yang had wondered why Ruby decided to rearrange her room so suddenly...

Ok, maybe the carpet was kind of interesting - but not as interesting as she was!

Determined not to be outdone by the flooring, Ruby grabbed the desk chair and spun it around so she could sit in front of Weiss.

“Did you get to hang out with your sister while she was here?” she asked, happily noting that Weiss was subconsciously playing with the newly appointed ring on her finger, but the question made her let go and return her attention to Ruby.

“Yes, we had dinner before she returned to Atlas.”

“I hope you had fun!”

“It was...great,” Weiss answered with a thoughtful nod and small smile. “I wasn’t expecting to see her, so that was a nice surprise.”

“Yeah! For me too!” Ruby replied. “I mean, I didn’t even know you had a sister, so that was the surprise. And the nice part was, um...her. She seems super nice!”

Nice, and pretty, and kind of stern. A bit intimidating, actually.

“She is. She supported me growing up...I owe her a great deal.”

“Aren’t older sisters the best?” Ruby asked with a smile that Weiss returned.

“They are. You happen to have a great one, yourself.”

“I do! Yang’s awesome.”

“She is…” Weiss replied softly. “She cares so much about you too.”

Growing up, Ruby had never questioned her sister’s love for her. It was always her and Yang against the world - whether it was the actual world or some pretend universe they made up.

“I know she does. With my injuries and stuff, she really went out of the way to help me get better. One day I want to make it up to her! I have no idea how, but I’ll figure somethin’ out.”

Ruby knew that sacrifices had been made in order to help her recover. Of course, with the way Yang was, she’d never mention them. So Ruby had no idea what they were, but she knew they must be there. No one devoted a year of their life to helping another person go through rehab without missing out on something for themselves.

“Well, if you ever figure that out, let me know. I’m still trying to make things up to her, myself,” Weiss added with a self-depreciating shake of her head that made Ruby frown.

“Is she still being mean to you?”

Yang had said that she’d try to be kinder to Weiss…but Ruby would talk to her sister again if she needed to.

“Actually, she’s been a bit more...tolerant...recently. But something is still really...broken between us.” Pausing, Weiss sighed and shook her head. “I know I hurt her, but I want to make it up to her. I have to. We used to be so close.”

“I’m sure she’ll give you another chance! She has no reason not to when you’re here making an effort!”

“Well, I think I’ve finally learned that running away fixes nothing. It only leaves the wounds to fester…” Brow furrowing, Weiss was silent for some time before sighing and meeting Ruby’s gaze with mournful eyes. “It was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop regretting it, but hopefully, I can find a way to overcome it.”

The biggest mistake she’d ever made? What was it? The biggest mistake Ruby ever made had landed her in the hospital with some pretty serious boo-boos and quite a few missing memories. But that seemed like a completely different type of mistake. The way Weiss looked right now made it seem like she’d done something horrible. But, to Ruby, it seemed impossible that Weiss was capable of anything that bad.

Maybe it was kind of bad, or maybe Weiss was just really hard on herself. Whichever it was, Ruby didn’t care. What she cared about was how sad Weiss looked right now.

“I’m sure you’ll overcome it,” Ruby replied confidently, leaning forward and nearly reaching over to grab one of Weiss’ hands before stopping and tugging on her necklace instead. “And I’m sure you had a good reason to leave!”

“But she gave me the chance to come back. I just...I couldn’t do it…”

“But you did! You did do it! Unless...are you a hologram??” Reaching out, Ruby lightly poked Weiss in the shoulder. “No, you’re real! And you’re in Vale, so you did come back!”

“It took me so long though -”

“So? What matters is that you did it,” Ruby said. “You’ve gotta let go of how long it took, Weiss. You’re here now, and that’s what matters. It’s like my mom used to say -” Scrunching up her face, she searched for the exact wording, so she didn’t mess this up. “Mistakes don’t define you - your reactions to them do.”

When Weiss stared at her thoughtfully, Ruby kept talking.

“Basically, you made a mistake, but did it make you a better person in the end?”

“I...don’t know. I hope so.”

Weiss was clearly unconvinced, so Ruby decided it was time to do some ultra convincing.

“Like, look at this!” she said, holding out her wrist so Weiss could see the scar running all the way across it on both sides. “Clearly, a mistake was made. But I’m not going to be Ruby Rose - injured girl, forever. I train really hard every day so that I won’t be that person.”

After briefly glancing at Ruby’s wrist, Weiss turned away and bit her bottom lip in thought.

“We get to choose our reactions to our problems,” Ruby continued. “That’s the great thing about life! Maybe it took you a long time, but you chose to come back, Weiss. Running away can’t define you anymore, because that’s not how the story ends.”

While Ruby grinned at her hopefully-successful argument, Weiss stared for a long, long time while processing the information. It looked like she was going to disagree, but eventually, with a partial smile, she seemed to concede - for now.

“How did you become so...strong?”

“I’m not though!” Ruby answered with a laugh, holding up her left hand and wiggling her fingers. Without Thorn, her left hand was still injured - and she was beginning to realize that her full strength might never come back. Fortunately, she’d found a way to compensate for her weaknesses and then some.

However, Weiss shook her head at the response.

“You are,” she insisted. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I still don’t know how...how did you work your way back so quickly from your injuries? They were so serious...from what you’ve told me. And with your memories...it must’ve been so difficult.”

“Yeah, I guess it was...the beginning especially, but I had a lot of help!”

“Yang?”

Ruby nodded.

“Yang and Blake encouraged me, and I tried to keep my spirits up. My mom helped too - it felt like she was trying to talk to me all the time, reminding me not to give up. Oh, and can’t forget my secret source of power!”

Looking in both directions like she was about to disclose top secret information, it was only when she found the coast was clear that she leaned forward and held her necklace up in between them.

“Tada!” she exclaimed. It was supposed to be a big reveal, but Weiss only looked confused - glancing between the ring and Ruby several times.

“Your...ring?”

“It’s not just a ring!” Ruby stated matter-of-factly, spinning the necklace around so she could fumble with the clasp. “It’s also filled with magical powers!”

Since she hardly ever took it off, she was less than skillful in getting the itty bitty fastener to open, but after several failed attempts she was finally successful. Letting the necklace fall into one hand, she made a show of slumping her shoulders at the same time.

“Oh...yeah...I feel weaker already…” she tried to say in a tired voice while sliding the ring off of the chain and holding it out to Weiss. “You can feel it – it’s like there’s an invisible power in this ring.”

Even though Ruby was holding the ring in between them, Weiss seemed extremely hesitant to take it.

“Don’t worry, it’s not one of those buzz rings or anything,” Ruby assured her. Finally convinced, Weiss held out her hand, and Ruby dropped the ring into it. Curling her fingers around the small band, Weiss closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Can you feel it?” Ruby asked in a whisper, watching Weiss intently. When Weiss opened her eyes, crystal blue seemed to be looking deep into Ruby’s heart.

“It’s important to you,” Weiss remarked softly, uncurling her fingers and looking down into the palm of her hand.

“Yup!”

With a small smile, Weiss gave the ring one last glance before extending it back to Ruby.

“I guess the answer is that I had a lot of people looking out for me,” Ruby explained while accepting the ring and sliding it back onto its chain. “Yang, Blake, my mom, and the one thing from my past that feels...powerful in a way. They all kept me going.”

Stringing the necklace around her neck, she fumbled with the clasp several times before giving up and holding it out to Weiss.

“Can you help me? I haven’t taken this off in months, so I kinda suck at putting it back on.”

Nodding, Weiss took both ends of the necklace in her hands while Ruby turned around. Carefully lowering the chain, Weiss gently fastened it in place - drawing a round of goosebumps when her fingers lightly grazed the back of Ruby’s neck. When Ruby turned around, Weiss moved the ring so it was sitting perfectly in front - holding onto it for a few seconds longer while staring at it intently.

“Who’s it from?” she asked.

The question made Ruby’s brow burrow.

“I’m actually not sure,” she answered truthfully.

“You’ve never asked?”

“Naw...Blake said she’d tell me, but…” Ruby shrugged one shoulder and gave Weiss a small smile. “Is it important where it came from? Or that when things sucked, it made me feel better?”

Weiss opened her mouth, but said nothing for a long time until finally muttering, “I guess...that it made you feel better…”

“But I have a sneaky hunch it’s from my partner,” Ruby admitted. The words made Weiss’ eyes widen in surprise.

“Your partner?”

“Yeah, I know we had a fourth teammate - every team at Beacon has four,” Ruby explained, rubbing her forehead as sleep deprivation continued to weigh on her, pressing behind her eyes in a super annoying way. “But Yang hasn’t told me much about her, and I haven’t asked. There was just...so much else to focus on. I don’t know. All I know is that whoever she was, she was really cool.”

The revelation seemed to catch Weiss completely by surprise.

“How do you know that?”

“That’s one of the only things Yang told me!” Ruby explained, briefly closing her eyes while trying to recall Yang’s words around the stupid, growing headache. “She said…that our teammate was one of the most talented fighters she’d ever seen. And was super smart - like the brains of the whole operation.”

“She said that?”

Ruby nodded. “Yup! ‘We got the smartest in school,’ she said.”

“But you never wanted to know who it was?”

“Of course I wanted to know! I still do. There were so many times I almost looked it up myself...because I’d love to meet her. She sounds amazing, but…” her words trailed off as a familiar twinge pulled at her heart.

It was a decision she’d made a long time ago and stuck with to this day.

“But what?” Weiss prodded, her eyes searching Ruby’s for whatever was going to come next.

“But she’s not here, is she?” Ruby finally answered, temporarily drawn back to the times when she hadn’t had enough energy for anything - when getting out of bed might be the best thing she could accomplish in a day. “If I wanted to get better, I couldn’t dwell on the past. So I decided to focus on the here and now. Maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough to meet her if...I mean...if she’s still...”

They’d reached the root of the matter - something she was too scared to ask, yet quietly desperate to know. But if she could share this worry to anyone, it was Weiss.

“If she’s...still alive, you know?”

Weiss’ response was one of pure shock. For a second, her mouth hung slightly open with no sound coming out before finally speaking.

“But what makes you think she’s not?”

Raising one hand to clutch the ring around her neck, Ruby shook her head – and paid for it with another pang in her forehead, this one sharper than the last.

There were a lot of reasons why she’d avoided her past for such a long time. It was confusing. It was scary. It made her feel vulnerable and small.

And it would’ve been impossible to move on if she remained stuck in the past. Being able to let go and move on had been important. But, beyond all of those things, something was lurking in the fog that was really painful. Whenever she thought about it, her chest tightened with this ache that only went away through distraction. There was something surrounding her partner that hurt, even with no memories of who they were.

It was the part of her past that eluded her most. Some days she wanted the answers but was terrified to know them. The way Blake and Yang dodged around the subject only made her more nervous to know what the truth might be. So she’d avoided the topic altogether - content to deal with more important matters and live in blissful ignorance. One day she’d probably figure everything out, but she wasn’t in any hurry for that day to arrive.

“I’ve always felt like someone or something important to me was missing,” Ruby tried to explain. “It’s kinda difficult to describe, but...it must be her, right?”

“But to think she died -?”

“It’s either that or she left and has no interest in speaking to me, or us.” Either of those answers kind of sucked - enough to bring tears to her eyes as a sense of loss grew in her chest. Sniffing once, she tried to play it off by rubbing her tired eyes.

This was part of the reason why she avoided thinking about the wall of fog sealing her off from those memories. It made her way too emotional!

“I’m pretty sure the ring is hers,” she whispered, briefly scrunching her eyes closed when another quick jab of pain appeared over her left eye. “That’s why it’s so powerful,” she continued, opening her eyes and shaking off the exhaustion. “It’s a huntress’ ring. And that’s why I always kept it near me. Honor her memories even if I don’t have them, ya know?”

Picking up the ring again, Ruby looked down at it the best she could while it was still hanging around her neck.

“Maybe she’s not in my life anymore, but she helped me get through some rough times without even being here. If I ever get to meet her...and I hope I do, you know? I hope I’m wrong. But if I ever get to meet her, I want to thank her for that. For leaving me with something that helped me through.”

Smiling, Ruby looked up only to find that Weiss was staring back with tears growing in her eyes.

“Weiss?” Ruby yelped in concern, quickly moving over to the bed and sitting by Weiss’ side. “Are you ok? What’s wrong??”

“I’m -” Choking up, Weiss stopped and shook her head. “I’m sorry. Just...hearing you say that…I didn’t realize...”

“Hey, it’s ok.” Consoling Weiss, Ruby made sure to smile to prove that she was just fine. Because she was. This was something she’d come to terms with a while ago. “It’s just one of those things, you know? That’s why I try not to think about it too much!”

“Yes, but…”

When Weiss’ lip quivered, Ruby reached out and pulled her into a hug that again made her stiffen. Only this time she eventually gave in and returned the hug in full, wrapping both arms around Ruby and pulling her closer.

“I’m sorry,” Weiss murmured, burying her face into Ruby’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry…”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” Ruby replied softly, rubbing one hand up and down Weiss’ back. “I’m probably just overthinking it anyway. Maybe she decided to go off on her own after school and no one’s heard from her since. Maybe we were never that close. Or maybe I bought the ring for myself!”

Her sense of loss could come from not having access to any of those memories, not over some specific person or thing. The ring might only symbolize the years she’d lost - a tiny, pretty reminder that she could carry with her everywhere.

Maybe she should consider that her story might be a little sad to people who were hearing it for the first time. Just because she’d accepted what had happened to her didn’t mean that others were on the same page as her. But it was really sweet that Weiss was so sympathetic!

Savoring the hug, Ruby gave Weiss a gentle squeeze to try to comfort her even more. Now, this was a good hug. Firm yet comfortable. Open and accepting. This was how a hug was supposed to be.

It was only a few more moments before Weiss pulled back and looked at Ruby for what felt like a long time - her hands resting softly on Ruby’s knees. If Ruby could look into Weiss’ mind right now, she could probably see the wheels turning full speed - coming up with an answer to some question Ruby had never asked.

The next second, Weiss abruptly stood up.

“Ruby, I need to tell you something,” she said, immediately pacing back and forth in front of the bed.

The sight made Ruby feel a strange twinge of anticipation - like something really significant was about to be revealed. If she was right, that would be amazing. The possibility of getting another glimpse into Weiss’ thoughts made her both hopeful and excited at the same time.

“I’m listening,” Ruby said, standing up as well. The moment she did so, there was another prick of pain in her temple that caused her to temporarily close her eyes and wait for the feeling to pass, but it only slightly went away this time. Thankfully, Weiss hadn’t noticed, but Ruby might need to get some sleep soon…

“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you, but I wasn’t sure how you’d respond -” Weiss was saying quickly, pacing the small room and not daring to glance Ruby’s way. “I know it took me a long time to summon the courage, but I hope that telling you now counts for something. Because I need you to know.”

Standing in the middle of the room, Ruby remained as motionless as possible. She didn’t want to move because the room had kind of started to spin. The tired tension in her forehead was getting a little harder to ignore, and she was growing increasingly light-headed the longer she watched Weiss walk back and forth, back and forth.

Something didn’t feel right.

“I know you’ve wondered how Yang and I know each other. From school, but -”

Weiss’ words were beginning to fade away as a dull roar crept into Ruby’s ears, and a black spot appeared in the center of her vision. She blinked, but it didn’t go away - it only got bigger. Probably not a good sign.

“Weiss…” she said, her voice sounding hazy and far away. “I don’t feel so good…”

“Ruby? Ruby!”

The last thing she saw were light blue eyes headed her way.

#RWBY #White Rose #Weiss Schnee #Ruby Rose #what defines us

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