#sucide trigger warning

[hardcoregayanalsegx]

"Why would you do that to yourself" I'm trying my best to soothe the pain, trying to cradle it so that maybe just maybe it will stop crying out

[stonerskinny]

broke my fast at 20.5hrs

tried a new chinese food place, it was very good but i did in fact purge it all. have hella leftovers now tho. next time i’ll remember to drink something while im eating so i don’t feel like im actually choking and dying when i purge

i did however happily enjoy my fortune cookie. although there was no fortune in it so i guess it was a fortuneless cookie lmao

weighed when i got home from work and im at 284.8. this is like day three or four at that weight so that sucks. feeling semi discouraged but whatevs

debated unaliving tonight but tbh i weigh so much that i think my fan would just rip out of the ceiling if i tried to go the, um, “dangling” route. so alas i shall live to see another day. probably

nothing exciting happened at work today, unfortunately. besides maybe that i learned how to make posters, but tbh that just added so much stress to my day that even that is kind of an L because it’s just one more thing to juggle

actually one funny thing did happen: i was scrolling on here during my lunch break and my manager (a dude in his mid-30s) came into the break room to put something in the fridge and looked over my shoulder and got to see a meme of someone crying about bread lmao

[numb-little-bugg]

the feminine urge to go jump off a bridge

[b0ne--r0t]

Me literally not even five minutes after:

[thatautisticlesbian]

Major trigger warnings and shit

Fuck healing I just want to sleep for a month and if I don't feel rested or at minimum fine then I'll just find something sharp to shove though my neck and fall asleep in a red puddle finally at peace, done

I'm ok I know I am I'm just having a breakdown like I do every few weeks, I'll be fine next week I know id never actually do anything because I'm a fuckin weak cunt who couldn't even fuck her wrists open if she wanted to.

[ed-life-til-dead]

Nearly fainted today.

I cant say if it makes me happy or panicked. My body tells me clearly that i need food but i dont want to be fat. My bmi says that i am underweight but my Reflection in the mirrow tells me that i cant wear clothes that Shows my body. In one week i go to a Vacation with my family for 4 weeks and i am afraid of that. Were going to Restaurants and then i need to eat something.

Any ideas or Tips?

[urlocalsadkid-l]

this is going to be a really long list of some stuff that’s been happening.

so like to start im friends with this one boy and we started dating on the tenth, he’s really sweet and we were, are, really really good friends and really close. close to the point where the line of platonic and romantic mixed with feelings. he’s older than me. he’s coming over saturday, and i don’t know what’s going to happen. i’m really scared but excited i know he would never do anything to knowingly hurt me in any way but since we became a “couple” he’s shown his horny side and like it’s nice to see that side but him and i have eventually talked about eventually having sex and that’s a scary ass thought because i don’t want that to happen like i want to kiss him and whatnot but i don’t want to have sex and it’s really really scary because i’m not ready. i told him this today because he was pressing for what’s wrong and i told him that much because it was bothering me and now we’re still talking about it nd i don’t know what to do

i’ve also relapsed, i was still on the app at this time but i still need to say that. i tore skin. not anything much, i just lost it and started scratching at my skin till it bled and then started sobbing when it bled because i threw over two years of work down the drain. i feel like shit but seeing that blood felt amazing. i also accidentally nic-ed myself in the shower and it wouldn’t stop bleeding and i felt amazing even though it was an accident. i was so proud of myself that it wouldn’t stop. i want to relapse again so badly, but seriously relapse.

i know i’m supposed to be happy. i don’t have any reason not to be. i don’t know why i am like this. i really hate being like this. why am i like this??? i don’t know what’s wrong with me. why can’t i be normal. i want to fucking die. why do i not know who i am? why do i have to be liked? why do i have to be smart? why can’t i just sleep forever? just let me die.

also i miss her.<3 so much it makes me feel ill. i’m getting over her. i’m fine with talking to her, i can have conversations and smile and be a polite human. i think i just miss what could have been. like all of my friends are pretty but she’s super pretty. and i get it sounds dumb, but i don’t care, she’s gorgeous. she’s also really sweet and kind. i really like her, i’m glad we are still friends, though now i could never imagine us going back to the way we were. i don’t have a thing for her anymore. i really don’t. i miss the memories, and what could have been. honestly her and i are better off friends because we could have never worked. things could have ended better, but it’s okay, no way to change it at all.

also my food thing is getting bad again. like the last weekend, i only had a total of like two meals? three? i don’t know. no snacks either. i feel so dumb. why can’t i be skinny? i’m so fat i hate it so much, it makes me want to rip off my skin and put it in a blender. why can’t i be pretty and skinny and gorgeous and liked and popular and funny and so much more?

why? why on earth was i decided to be a target for all this? why can’t i just look normal, and be normal?? why do i have to think the way i do? or act or talk to look? i want to be normal. i don’t care about how i am. i want to change. i’m fucking losing it and want to sob.

also him.423 and i had something happen. i don’t know what. but we don’t talk now. we haven’t talked since jan 28th. i don’t know how i feel. hurt, i guess. i really don’t know what i did. i mean, he’s not good for me, he doesn’t treat me right, he doesn’t care about me. it really sucks.

[rorys-rant]

what are some ways you guys have attempted in the past??

[publishedloveletters]

i really need to just jump off the tallest building i can, i think that would fix me

[mspecmonstrous]

Saw the original [bi] and wanted to do a few more

[lostmf]

I wish I could experience being alive without this constant need to prove that I am worthy of existing

I wish I could enjoy creating my art without the pressure of needing it to be perfect .. just so I can make up for that fact that it’s me

I want to know what it’s like to live without being sorry for it

I want this pain to stop

[khepiari]

Why Kuina’s Death Still Unsettles Us?

TW: mention of suicide, references teen/child suicide.

[I read a post about "falling down the stairs" might actually imply death by suicide. Kuina's death always bothered me a bit, and when Shimotsuki Koushiro said to Zoro, humans are fragile, did he really mean our bodies or our hearts? I still wonder. A few months back I had written a fic, a retelling of the events which led to Kuina's fall from the stairs, and I had done a lot of thinking while writing the fic. So all those ideas and thoughts I had then, have been rearranged and put here today.]

I remember watching the Kuina episode like 19 years back. So for an 11-year-old me, that was it. I was sad that she was gone too soon.

But over the years as I grew up, read the manga and then kept rereading it over and over. I did feel her death was surprisingly given the off-stage treatment that was given to Lady Macbeth! Only an announcement was made of her death, and her face is covered in a piece of cloth! That was too sudden, unlike so many other deaths that followed in the story.

I did brainstorm this over the years, it really felt odd, she was a physically strong 12-year-old girl and as far as I know swordswoman/man have to be good at balancing and footwork, because the art of the sword is about full body movement so her falling down is really really really iffy.

Image from chapter 5

And if we look at the Dojo architecture, there were no visible storeys to the building, I am sure she didn’t fall off a library step-stool or carpenter’s ladder. Then I found this Tumblr post, by Heeheemugee which said, falling down the stairs is a euphemism for suicide. Which makes sense! Like it totally connects in my head.

Though, sadly, I didn’t find any source to confirm this, as everyone on the internet told me it's untrue. But, you see, “falling down the stairs” is a euphemism which has been used for domestic violence victims, like in my mother tongue, when it's hard to explain to a child what happened to someone who died, we say the person has gone somewhere far, so may be falling down the stairs is more of an undocumented euphemism or an old reference Odachii picked from somewhere— he is known for this!

Image from chapter 5

Another thing we should remember Kuina was onset of puberty, the stress of future, her father’s general view of female body being weaker, and changing bodily features might have plagued her more than we think— since after 1000 chapters we know Zoro’s teacher is likely from Wano, I think internalized and cultural misogyny was at play too.

Teenage and puberty is a vulnerable time, one misstep can lead to drastic actions, so Kuina taking her own life is not farfetched. Because we have young children who are so stressed or vulnerable or suffering that they think ending it is better than enduring it.

Image from chapter 5

What has bothered me the most, is the offstage treatment of her death. I mean—we have seen most of the “characters whose death impacted the main characters' life decisions” die on stage in backstories so far, or we got a proper explanation of why someone is dead. We know Banchina died after an illness, Bellemere was killed by Arlong, Hililuk was poisoned and blew himself up. Only Kuina’s death we didn’t see, and it immediately happened just after both Zoro and Kuina had a heartfelt conversation about becoming the best swordsman/woman in the world!

I guess Oda chose “fell down the stairs” as the series was like 15 chapters till then. Or it maybe as simple as Odachii wanted to wrap Zoro’s backstory fast with typical “dead girl-friend of the grumpy emotionally suppressed lone wolf” to establish Zoro’s narrative as the one who carries the will of others!

Image from chapter 5

Otherwise, we know Eiichiro Oda doesn’t shy away from depicting gruesome, terrifying or horrible deaths which parallels real life issues, he sneaked in a little panel of a grandmother praying and a mother holding a knife with an infant in her arms in Wano arc, because they were starving for days!

Image from chapter 918

Or a pirate in human auction house biting his tongue to escape the humiliation of being sold as a slave!

Images from chapter 502

Hence, I think Kuina’s death doesn’t seem like an accident and feel like something sadder and heavier than we were led to believe.

[scribe-of-hael]

PSA

trigger warning, mention of suicide and self harm

Do not tell me about Sucide or self harm., idc if it is rp, ocs, ect in my ask box. Have some common curiosity of your fellow person, you have no idea if those subjects will be triggering to an individual or the past experience they have with it.

That is not ok. Period. I don't tolerate that shit.

[cryinginmyroomsposts]

Drowning

There are days when breathing feels easier. Not today, though.

Today every breath leaving your lungs rips open a cut that bleeds out your eyes and onto your cheeks. The salt water falling out in a hurry to pour the pain out. Like a falls, so mighty and strong, the never-ending pain keeps pouring on.

Today, it's all so wrong. The lights are too bright and sound too loud. A tick here and a click there, and a hitch in your breath that makes the pain too much to bear.

It would all be a lot easier to point fingers- at people, at time, at incidents and at places. Yet you constantly find all ten of them staring right into your soul. Blame it on youth, or the colours you can't let go. Nothing can change the stubborn brain with no remorse. "Protect yourself, wear the armour tight". No one told me that the armour might choke me at night. I struggle, never swam through the blues just rode the high tides. Free falling through to the lap of gravity, a dark ocean bed that awaits me. Breathing is not a problem for me tonight, for drowning makes it easier by burning my lungs. Water rushes up my skin and into my eyes, there's beauty in madness and peace in demise. Will I be missed? Should I hold back for tonight? Maybe it'll be alright and I won't lose my mind... But what if I never make it after all the incessant "fake it"s. My brain goes numb and my skin opens wide.

I exchange the blues for crimson, a shade that's my best friend. Mixing up the salt and the pungent smell, another night I chose to drown in my head. It would be easier to lie on thorns if it was the bed I made. I willingly pierce my own heart to protect my head from the larks.

Drowning my sorrows into stories I wish into the universe, for when they come true I'd still push myself into the deep end. Around the globe, I brought along the baggage. For new people to poke through and tell me my worth.

[wavyypeachyy]

It still bothers me. I don’t deserve the forgiveness, hell I don’t even believe in the forgiveness in the first place. I know what I did was wrong, so I fucking deal with it. Otherwise how will I ever learn

[numb-little-bugg]

maybe the only way to end the war in my brain is to end myself