#such an odd thing to be experiencing
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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now#writeblr#you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like#u don't HATE their partner explicitly#but ur like. what the fuck y'all#like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic#and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like#frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....''#and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her.#all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it#or ... that it really IS good#and it's just odd to you#tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship#like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend#it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time#around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like#.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond.#so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think#but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something#but knowing you CANNOT#idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person#edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up#PS EDIT: btw i should have said:#the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every#type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''
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always wild to get the most horrifically transphobic comments from someone then check their profile to see they have “she/they” in their bio.
#and it’s so weird bc they always come from this odd place of being defensive of womanhood#like in a very te/rfy way#like ‘well you’re a MAN now so you couldn’t POSSIBLY understand what us FEMMES go through’#like bestie that was literally me a year ago#i fully do understand#it feels very ‘silence gender traitor’#and like#idk how to say this in a less abrasive way#but changing your pronouns or being nonbinary doesn’t mean you can’t be transphobic#bc in the past few weeks i’ve experienced a WEIRD amount of transphobia from non transitioning nonbinary people#who just REFUSE to get that our experiences are different#or who look down on me for making the ‘wrong’ choice in my transition#and like obviously not all nonbinary ppl are like this#but a lot of non transitioning ppl who were afab tend to be vulnerable to falling for te/rf rhetoric#just by virtue of their life experiences and which communities they often start out in#and like this is obviously part of a larger conversation abt ra/df/rn rhetoric in queer spaces#but it’s just one of those things i wish i could talk abt without ppl immediately jumping to conclusions abt my views
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As somebody that writes pretty much exclusively Mike and Will POVs, I’ve started to notice that I’m much better at writing plot from Mike’s POV, whereas byler scenes flow much more naturally and easily from Will’s POV. It’s so weird. I can have Mike going through the literal horrors and all sorts of stuff, but when it comes to pining and romantic scenes, they’re better coming from Will. And I struggle writing plot heavy stuff from Will. They can be in the scenes together and be written fine, but with the point of view stuff it’s very particular.
Do y’all know what I’m talking about or am I crazy??
#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things#byler#miwi#byler fic#byler fanfic#my writing#it’s a serious problem especially when I’m like flipping between them from chapter to chapter#idk maybe I just need to work on it but it’s so odd#the way a chapter is framed and experienced is totally different depending on who I’m focusing on#same goes for my fic with a nancy pov#different characters notice different things meaning you’re getting more or less of the story depending on who’s telling it#maybe I am just crazy
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Since transitioning socially and aquiring a 90% male friend group I really gotta wonder what the fuck kind of men are everyone else on this website hanging out with to view them as all assholes or predators
#this isnt me trying to discredit anybody eho has experienced bad things at the hands of men#but like#almost all the violence and abuse and homophobia and transphobia ive experienced came from women#and personal experience has shown me that most men are really cool human beings#so im just baffled by the “men bad women good” rhetoric this website clings to#like i cant be hanging out with the only good men and the only bad women out there that would make no sense even mathematically#also my point is not that women are all bad/men are all good bc obviously thats also dumb as hell#rathet that all humans are capable of treating others well or poorly and that it feels odd to me to erase that nuance
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You ever finish a drawing that you really like and then you spend the next three days randomly looking at it for minutes at a time like that could make it possible for you to absorb its alluring and magnetic essence with your eyes
#this is me with my icon rn. also this is silly but yeah it really feels like that#i experienced the same thing but even more intensely back in february with the short comic i made then#and then also with some of the paintings i made during my painting course days#admiring the colors and lighting on this mundane green bottle. why not#honestly this might be the first time in my life when i'm making things and i sometimes end up actually liking them fully#no little extra gripes with it that could ruin it. i just like the thing as it is. love it even. it's exactly as it should be#this feeling is one of the top things that make drawing and overall at least attempting to make art worth it#i also wonder if anyone else experiences this thing where the image of a certain character stays in your sort of visual imagination sphere#like the thing becomes associated with everything that happens at that time. the music i listen to etc#it almost feels like i sort of AM this thing. like. spiritually#ok this is hard to explain without sounding kind of odd LMAO#it's just that i've never seen anyone express this exact sentiment. with seeing the character in your minds eye sorta#i mean hmmmm. ofc fursonas and all different types of sonas and such exist. re: the identification thing#i actually find the concept of an 'avatar' as something that represents you (in a digital setting mostly) really intriguing#it was actually one of the things i seriously considered as the subject of my bachelor's thesis#but yeah ok i'm just saying this so that you all know that i AM that little purple kitty holding a heart. btw#ok i'm going to go eat dinner now. don't mind me and my strange long-winded monologues#goosepost
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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be
me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha
#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience#basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night#where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything#it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young#and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good#and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get#it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough#and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced#i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up#and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it#and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN#TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY#and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it#im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday#what is even going on anymore#also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do#actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk#and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd#i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3#hella goes home
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currently thinking about how, since bunny mask's head / sort of by extension her neck ( yeahhh, i'd say that, because she is NOT immune to decapitation ) are basically her achilles heel in the way that they heal muchhh slower than the rest of her body does + there have even been times where she didn't heal properly at all in those areas... that most of the scars bunny has are concentrated around there.
thus, if your muse is intimate with her in any way, then they'll most certainly be seeing those on her skin and i just 😭 it kind of hits me RIGHT in the feels — and i say this because there has to be a lot of trust there for bunny to feel safe enough to expose what is literally the most vulnerable spot of her body to them, you know? so yeah. that is one surefire way of knowing that bunny mask trusts your muse with her life ❤️
#SOMETHING FEELS AMISS: musings.#LET ME TEACH YOU: headcanons.#I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM BUNNY MASK: headcanons.#yeah... i know this is the first real headcanon i've posted about bunny in a while SO i wanted to make it sort of angsty as well as sweet-#because y'all deserve more of that kind of content IMO haha (': but anywhozies this just sort of came to me a little bit ago because-#i was thinking about the deeper implications behind bunny having a relationship with tyler with her having a 'weak spot' there-#and her not altogether distrusting the entirety of humanity BUT also trying not to get her hopes up all of the time that people will do-#the right thing if that makes any sense just because people can be so... full of darkness.#but i think that bunny had latched onto tyler rather quickly due to the fact that she quite literally had NO one else in her life when she-#was set free and well... she had been deprived of human interaction for literally millennia + because bunny feeds by sharing energy with-#humans through a physical connection i think her attraction to him might've been partially attributed to her needing-#to take care of herself in this way you know? but bunny also just genuinely likes tyler and he seems to genuinely like her as well-#but the problem with tyler is that he can't fully accept bunny mask as she is no matter how hard he tries unfortunately.#and thus that's why they're kind of in this odd spot of being 'on-and-off' lovers but bunny would literally KILL for the man NGL#anyhow though i'm just thinking about the possibility that these scars on her head / neck are sensitive as well because that part of her-#body sees so little 'human touch' i guess you could say due to her protecting it and bunny just. maybeee experiencing-#something that could be the equivalent to sensory overload bc of that if her partner were to touch them but not quite-#at the same time#tw: scars#tw: mentions of past injuries.
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Bonding is fun! Why suffer alone when you can ✨suffer together✨
#omegaverse#t4t omegaverse#omegaverse lifestyle#misce#misceverse#misceanimalis#sometimes I just feel odd things and have to question my alpha#and he’s normally like#oh yeah sorry Angel I’ve got s headache#it’s seriously the coolest and weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced#wouldn’t trade it for the world though#love you honey
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Song of the Day: February 7
"Living Next Door to Alice (Who the Fuck is Alice)" by Smokie
#song of the day#I've been listening to a CoD playlist (I'll reblog it soonish probably it's great and the premise is excellent)#and I've been really enjoying the songs on it (always forget how much I enjoy Amon Amarth. heavy mithril music my beloved)#and then today I got further down the playlist for the first time and experienced /such/ an odd feeling#I do not know this song! I could swear to you I have never heard it! but I definitely knew the words and sang along!#it was so fucking strange. just the oddest thing.#three roommates from three different chunks of my life and also my brothers all agree we don't know this song!#we don't know this song or this band or this one's a cover apparently but we don't even know the original band (New World)#I would /swear/ I don't know this song. but I do know the words somehow. /such/ an odd sensation to sing along to a song I haven't heard#anyway it's a good song! interesting accent decent backing simple but entertaining lyrics. I don't mind spending the day pondering it#my best guess is I heard it in my sleep sometime and it stuck around
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in season 5 of LOST time travel is explained to hurley (and thus the audience) in such a way that it comes across as genuinely condescending
#lost loves explaining things. including things that don't need to be explained#hurley is written like an idiot in that scene so miles can explain very basic time travel concepts to the audience#said in a way like nobody on earth has experienced a time travel story#its really odd#that scene has always rubbed me the wrong way#miles is in character but hurley isn't. i don't think hurley would be that clueless about time travel#since he's shown be into sci fi media#besides. theres no way in fucking hell that hurley hasn't seen back to the future#the scene so blatantly exists to explain things to the viewers but its not something that needs explaining#tho i may be wrong there because from the stuff i've heard#i'm sorry but the original lost audience seemed really stupid for some reason
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can someone explain why men just randomly spit on the ground so much
#WHAT IS THAT#talky cherub#i feel llike#i only started noticing or experiencing this recently maybe bc im working around more men but like??#theyre just standing there talking and then suddenly- 'PTOO!'#and then everyone else starts spitting#i think its a territorial thing SLKDFSKLFL they are so odd for that#not territorial i mean dominance
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I kinda hate how I have to choose between numbing my desire to be vulnerable and honest vs letting that desire and vulnerability bloom
#numbing my desire is safe. it is harder to get hurt that way. i can avoid the things im afraid of doing so#i can convince myself i like numbing my desire#that i am fine with it#and in many cases i... kinda am. the pain if that is less than the pain that i experienced when i followed what the other led me to#but on the other hand#my wounds have healed enough where most mornings i wake up with that desire thrumming through me#i feel safe at our new place its a place where i can heal#where i can hope instead of just surviving#and !! thats really nice its a feeling that makes me warm and happy and like the young vulnerable and full of love girl that i used to be#just letting that desire bloom is a scary prospect#i have to contend with the many neuroses ive gotten since then#have to navigate through the scars that wrack my emotional body knowing that i will open some#and all thats easier said than done#ive been ping ponging between two extremes and waugh its odd its weird my head gets strange when its like thattt#i just wanna feel okay enough to desire without being paralyzed by fear but its a long roadd :(
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sent 5 text messages that scared me today because i am actually really brave!!!
#i keep thinking about how i'll be 28 this year. and i REFUSE to turn 30 still letting myself be ruled by fear#and this fucked up notion i cannot shake that i am a burden on all who have the misfortune of experiencing the Me.#bc at the end of the day i am simply NOT that special. the odds simply don't add up for me to be the worst grossest most offputting guy ever#anyway this text post Also scared me so i'll count this as a 6th good thing
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Seeing dumesh abt aut lau and its like guys i dunno i think this dude as a mental fortitude to which most of us only dream of.
#some shit#dumesh#not posting to be seen and dunk on takes in a tag i dont go in.#so hopefully i dont gotta over specify i dont means hes not#i just mean. he very much does yell [and punch] at the person who was 'suffering' his friendship#or forcing the little social manipulation liar guy [<3] to just say what the fuck he means#I dont think hes getting social embarrassment the way [gestures at website] lotsa us do. bdbdhfbf#most ppl he happens to annoy DO. voluntarily consider themselves his friends. <3#dumesh is like maybe perhaps a story about very odd people doing and experiencing unpleasant things but 1. thats life#2. they haveeee a good time in the end#cmonnnnnnnn#if the only uncomfortable situations ur seeing are the ppl suffering lau/monster eating. THEN IDK. idk sounds like a u problem
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before taking my road test i did genuinely think everyone who said some of them will try to trip you up or be overly harsh were just sorta stretching the truth, but after how stupid my test was i understand.
i ended up autofailing bcz it was a two lane (same direction) parking lot where there were signs and cones saying one side was for the road test & one was for regular vechicles EXCEPT FOR ONE VERY SMALL AREA ONLY AT THE BEGINNING. but then she proceeded to make me continue on and do a parallel park, making me assume i didnt do anything wrong, and then have me circle back to the beginning and THEN fail me.
not only that, but she.. lied? about me not using my blinker when either going in or leaving the park????? which i straight up did do????? 🥲
#i think id have been less devastated by the fail if the just immediately told me to turn back around bcz i failed at the bad signage#i genuinely think that if anyone else saw that signage theyd be confused too. in fact im pretty sure my instructor didnt even know#bcz we needed to turn right but instead of going over to that tiny area that clips into the road test section#we went the long way around so we didnt go in that lane#the lesson i went to before my test was two hours and heavily inconvenient for my sponsor so to go through all of that and autofail..#odds are w her id have failed anyway. i genuinely dont see why she lied about the blinkers but AT LEAST if i went through the whole test &#failed it wouldve hurt but at least i could walk away knowing it wasnt as stupid as it was#now i have to renew my id bcz i wont have a license. and renew my permit. and pay $200+ for another test bcz i dont have#a car that can be used for the regular rmv. and now im paying rent for a place i cant even go to yet bcz the next rmv appt is in MID MAY#(the rent thing is normal and i did plan for it. but if you havent experienced rmvs 'post' covid.. you dont even do the test there.#you 'check in' and leave to do it at your house.)#i may try to beg my ride that i now 100% need to drive me to a further out one but. sighs. who knows#i ❤️ lifeeee#diary#sorry this is so long lol. im not as inconsolable as yesterday but now im just annoyed#i also wish to stress that while i love my car i fucking hate driving#my reward for getting my license is high car insurance and paying a ton for gas? YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AUUGGHHHHHHHHH 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
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You ever look for a specific word/thing to describe a feeling you're having and think you've found it but as you look more into it it turns out it was a simular concept but very distinct from what you were looking for? And then when you try to be more specific everything that pulls up is still the same close but definitely not the same thing to describe it? I'm a stuck in a bit of a loop at the moment
#Been having this odd feeling of just. Nothing being real I guess. Or just me not being real or events not feeling real#I was trying to find a word for what I was experiencing and found 'Depersonalization' and 'Derealization'#(I think I spelled those correctly)#From a first glance the descriptions fit perfectly but as I read more in depth it. Didn't quite fit#It felt adjacent to the unreal feeling I've experienced but definitely not the same#It's like a different flavor#I don't feel detached to my surroundings and myself#I just. Don't feel very real. Or at least very human at least#I don't say that as in im something more than human or anything like that#More like something about me specifically just falls short of being one#And with the events thing it's more just like so much has happened and they've all been so bizarre that they just.#Don't feel real either!#Like yes I'm still experiencing them and being effected by them#But it feels more like the way dreams or over dramatic stories go if that makes since#I still haven't found the right words for these feelings. I hope I do eventually.#I feel like knowing what's causing it/what it is would help ground me more#Whatever it is those two words definitions/symptoms just don't feel right#Does this count as a vent?? I mean it not really a solely negative feeling#I do feel like it could be upsetting/unsettling to others and my come off as venty so I'll mark it as such just in case#tw vent
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