#but i think my defenses are up too high in person to let anything through

[cheesiedomino]

Reasons ꙳ ੭ * ‧

synopsis: though he’s afraid to admit it, chan has an undeniably huge crush on you. in attempt to get his point somewhat across, he drops a few hints leading all the way up until the Valentine’s Day office party, but will that mean he finally confesses his true feelings?

genre: bang chan x fem!reader | coworkers to lovers wc: 3.1k tags/warnings: fluff, office romance, mild cursing, mentions of alcohol usage, kissing, reader is kinda obsessed w/ chan’s body but who tf isn’t ??

now playing 🎧: dream girl by crisaunt

[this is the first installment of my new valentine’s series where i write a short story for each member surrounding the themes of love, newfound romance, relationship hardships & more.]

If there’s one thing Chan could never refuse to resist no matter how hard he tries, it’s you — nothing else came near as close. You were his Kryptonite, Achille’s heel, whatever you want to call it. Chan was willing to do just about anything for you, ask him to jump and he’ll promptly answer “how high?” You had him wrapped around your little finger with a pristine, glittery bow. Some could say it was quite uncanny how he’d avidly jump at your every need and request. Whether it be from a small but adoring comment about the way you looked in your outfits or whenever he sees you struggling with something, he drops any amount of work he was doing to go help you instead. There’s no way he was doing all this just out of the kindness of his heart, everyone saw right through those tactics. Clearly there was an underlying ulterior motive in the back of his mind, and most people with a brain knew of this as fact not fiction.

Everyone that is, except you.

The minute someone brings Chan’s name up you get super defensive. You often feel the need to because of how almost every person in the office ships you two together. One of the main instigators— Mirae, your cubicle neighbor and karaoke buddy, had a habit of doing this constantly. She’s the first ever friend you made here and is a total ray of sunshine to work with, but also has the biggest mouth. She’d go around telling people that Chan has a crush on you all because he does so many selfless gestures to “impress” you. Once that got around , rumors began spreading like wildfire and suddenly it turned into you and Chan were dating.

As soon as you heard all of that you immediately shut the suspicions down, explaining that you two were simply just friends and how he’s a sweet, gentle soul. Which he most certainly is but his friendliness didn’t only stop at you, it extended to all the other employees as well. He’s the type of person who would make sure everyone else has food and a warm shelter before worrying about himself in the freezing cold. There aren’t many out there with a noble personality like Chan’s, he’s like an elderly man trapped in a young person’s body, always giving the most wise and stark advice. His way of thinking may be a little old fashioned but that didn’t make him boring by any means, he was quite fun when he wasn’t so immersed in his work.

You’ve tried to get him to let loose a bit more, even invited him out for drinks after work with your other coworkers but he declined each time. It never felt like rejection to you though, he’d be smiling the whole time he’s saying “no” but it didn’t seem disingenuous. The only reason he never took up any of your offers were either one of 3 things:

A). He’s far too nervous to get drinks with you

B). He’s too buried in his work

C). The gym is his second home

You and Chan are two vastly different people. He’s definitely the more laidback type who likes to stay at home while you love to going out and enjoy a fun night on the town with friends. Despite him knowing this, he’s never been one to judge your choices or care about what you decide to do outside of work. He even brings you hangover medicine when you come back on Monday looking like you’ve had way too many last weekend — a literal angel in human form. You wonder who the lucky lady will be that gets to marry him someday, it’s evident he’ll be a family man and would most certainly be the best dad any child could ask for. He truly possessed every lovely quality there is all in one person, a rarity that’s more hard to come by each passing day. You don’t know what you could’ve done in your past life to deserve to know someone like Chan, but you don’t regret it one bit.

This morning went like any other typical morning, you’d come to work slightly exhausted from being out later than expected. Usually, Chan would go up to your cubicle and flash a doting smile at you as he places a fresh cup of coffee on your desk. It’s always the little things that made you most content, a handsome guy delivering you your favorite cappuccino — sounds like the ideal life. However, things were slightly different on this particular morning.

Awaiting you at your desk was a large bouquet of flowers displayed in a decorative ceramic vase, accompanied by your warm beverage. You also notice something peeking out from the petals, a small white envelope without a name on it. Curiosity gets the best of you, rushing to open it and read what follows:

‘happy Valentine’s Day ___, these flowers will never be as gorgeous as you but I hope they bring you joy or at least make you half as happy as you make me everyday that I’m with you.

- CB.’

Well, you definitely weren’t expecting that note to be so… sweet ? Though it was a bit short, the message was clear, whoever wrote that really wants you to know exactly how they feel. You had to admit, reading that did make your heart skip a little— maybe even had you blushing and twirling a couple strands of hair. What caught you most off guard were the initials, ‘CB’, those letters seemed awfully familiar. Then you realize there’s only one person whose initials you personally knew that could match those; your coworker Chan. Your throat goes dry as you nervously attempt to swallow, unable to form any stable or coherent thoughts. Nothing, and you mean absolutely nothing, could’ve prepared you for this kind of revelation.

Scoping out the area to see if Chan was around, you couldn’t seem to find him anywhere. You consider the idea of texting him but ultimately you decide not to as you think it’d be weird to assume he even did this. They’re just similar initials that’s it, you’re probably reading too much into it. Maybe you really are going crazy or something.

“Oh my god, someone sent you those?!” A chirpy voice startles you, instantly recognizing it as Mirae who’s now behind you.

“Uh, yeah I guess so..” you acknowledge nonchalantly. Parting your lips just a tad as you take a sip of delicious espresso.

“Ah. I wonder who could’ve done it?” She fake pauses to take a gander at the possibilities, “It’s definitely not the guy with the Aussie accent and name rhymes with Pan!”

You almost spit out your drink. “Shut up!”

“Oh you know I’ll never do that sweetie.” She giggles at you being all flustered, “plus I’m right you just don’t wanna admit it.”

This is like an everyday conversation you have with her, it’s nothing new. “No, I’m a logical person and I know that me and Chan are just friends. That’s all we’ll ever be and nothing more!”

It’s exhausting having to keep defending yourself from the same rhetoric all your coworkers spew daily, and even more ridiculous how fast word gets out around here. Those rumors of you and Chan dating are still being told today, even after it’s been a good year and a half since it all started.

“Friends can also develop feelings for each other overtime y’know?” Mirae lazily rests her arm on your desk as she continues her speech, “I mean I’ve never fallen for a friend so I wouldn’t know.. but this is different! Do you not pay any attention at all to the way he treats you? He’s such a simp for you it drives me insane.”

Confused more than ever, you blankly stare back at her, “huh?” You just took every favor Chan has done as being a nice, thoughtful coworker.

“Okay I’ll give you an example, remember when everyone at lunch had that whole ‘Vernon is gay or bi debate’ and Chan agreed with every single thing you said even if it didn’t make sense? If that doesn’t scream simp behavior then I don’t know what does!”

Your doubt still doesn’t waver, “I just have a very compelling way of getting people to side with me!”

Mirae rolls her eyes so hard they could go to the back of her skull. “For the love of God ___, stop acting so dense at the obvious. It’s pretty much known in this entire office that Chan’s always been totally, 100% into you.”

“It is?” You blink rapidly.

“Yes! I can’t believe you’re even still shocked about this, the guy’s constantly making cartoon heart eyes whenever he sees you!” She states, voice laced with a dash of envy as she pouts, “I wish I had someone who looked at me like that.”

Her sadness is short lived when her face animates again, as if a light bulb just went off in her brain. “Wait I have the perfect idea, you should get him to ask you out at the Valentine’s party!”

“Um.. I don’t think he’ll go, he’s not a party kinda guy remember?” You sigh in reluctance, unsure of what to think at this point.

That doesn’t seem to bring Mirae’s mood down, she only reassures you with more positivity. “Trust me, he’ll be changing a completely different tune once he finds out you’re going.”

Work events are always somewhat a bit of a drag. You didn’t particularly care for them, but you do like socializing with most of your coworkers and other fellow staff on the team. The free alcohol is also another great selling point for you to go. Gina makes the best Jell-O shots and whenever there’s a work function going on she goes all out to prepare them. This time she made some strawberry daiquiri flavored ones, topped with a dollop of whipped cream and pink heart sprinkles to fit the theme.

You grabbed one immediately from the table, looking everywhere to see if you can spot Chan but still no luck. The fact this is making you slightly upset is beyond you, but you’ve never been one to fully understand your emotions. Maybe you were right after all for thinking he wouldn’t show up. Sometimes Mirae can try a bit too hard at getting your hopes up, but you had to figure out if he was the one who actually sent the flowers or not. ‘Who the fuck else could be CB?’ You thought, it had to be him, if not you’ll be blaming Mirae for years of mental damage and distress.

This job wasn’t the first thing you had in mind by any means, but it seemed like a friendly and open work environment when you came in for an interview. You ran into Chan that same day and he started talking to you in the lobby as you waited for your turn. He had the most illuminating, pearly white smile and his accent made the most mundane words sound a thousand times hotter. You secretly hoped you’d get this job just so you can talk to Chan all day. Fast forward to almost a year and a half later you’re now closer than ever and it feels like a privilege to work with someone as amazing as him.

As you finish your Jell-O shot, you try finding the nearest trash can but end up bumping into Gina. “Hey ___! Did you like the strawberry daiquiris I made?” She kindly surveys for feedback, flashing a cute puppy dog look at you.

“Duh, of course! I love everything you make Gigi, I might have to grab another one before they’re all gone!” You praise her kindly, “by the way have you seen Chan at all?” It was a bit a random of you to ask but you couldn’t just stand around and wait for him to magically show up.

Gina thinks for a moment and finally replies, “Nah I haven’t! Why’d you ask though?”

“Oh no reason really! Was just wondering I guess-” you awkwardly shrug off, taking a step back as you walk out the break room to go into the main hallway. Heading over to the water dispenser you grab a small paper cup and bring it under the cold water option, before pressing the button a deep voice causes you to freeze in place. Recognizing that raspy voice from anywhere, it was Chan calling out after you.

“Hey, ___!” You hear him shout from a distance, jogging towards you with an ambiguous look on his face. “Could I talk to you for a moment?” He asks once he gets closer, chest slowly rising up through his white collared shirt as he’s catching his breath.

You never really took note how chiseled his body looked, maybe it was the form-fitting material of the shirt but the outline of his pecs went perfectly in sync with the way his toned arms clung to the fabric. It was clear as day Chan takes working out very seriously, mesmerized by the sheer dedication it must’ve took to even achieve a dreamlike physique such as this. Realizing you still haven’t answered yet and have just been staring at this man’s chest for what seemed like centuries, you finally croak out a response.

“Uh, yeah- sure!”

He clears his throat in preparation, “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.. for a while now actually.”

Chan doesn’t seem like his usual keen self, he’s acting much more quiet and reserved, as if he’s got loads of worries on his mind. It makes you wonder…

Your heart began to race at a faster pace, not knowing what the outcome will be, you indulge in him anyway. “Hm? What is it? Don’t just leave me hanging, spill!”

Again he goes quiet, like there’s a force holding him back from saying what he truly wants. He’s usually a lot more confident and well spoken when he talks to you but this was a new side of Chan you haven’t seen before. You find it a bit endearing to be honest, it makes him more down to earth. What’s there not to like about him truthfully?

“Well uh.. you see I-”

“___! Where the heck were you we’re about to take another sho-” Mirae catches you two of you off guard, unknowingly walking in what seemed like a deep conversation. “Ohh, oopsies did I interrupt something? I didn’t mean to, s-sorry!” You noticed some of her words slurring a bit and couldn’t contain a tiny giggle, it didn’t take much alcohol for her to get tipsy.

The minute she’s gone and the two of you are alone once again, the energy shifts dramatically. You gaze up at Chan to see his brows slanted into a train of thought. He wasn’t saying anything, just staring right back at you with a cryptic look. Unable to gauge the direction of this situation, you think of what to possibly say to make it less cumbersome. Before you could utter a single word, he finally speaks up.

“Let’s get outta here,” He quickly suggests, yanking your hand as he roughly takes it in his palm to lead the way. His movements are swift and eager, knowing exactly where he’s going as you’re left with even more questions and zero answers.

“Where’re we going?” You sheepishly inquire, bewildered by his sudden unpredictable action.

He doesn’t answer you. Instead he’s continuing the journey, remaining in focus all the way until he reaches the back entrance. Opening the door in a hurry to make it outside, a rush of cool air hits the back of your skin from a tiny bit of flesh being exposed. Chan brings his hands up to your arms, pinning them to your sides as he pushes you back against the brick wall of the building. His hooded eyes were fixated on you like an animal looking at its prey. It almost felt intimidating, as if he was the whole universe and you were but a mere spectacle compared to him.

“Wait what’re you do-” you’re impatiently cut off as he leans in, pupils widening when you’re abruptly met with a pair of lips pressed against your own. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to, rendered still from the shock of this suddenly happening. An array of goosebumps scatter your suspended body, words can’t describe the way you feel in this moment— it’s pure bliss.

Eventually you do kiss him back once the shock wears off, parting your lips more to let him gain further access into your world. It was the most mind numbingly passionate, messy kiss you’ve ever experienced in a lifetime, wanting but Chan’s lips on yours forever and ever.

As you both pull away it’s quiet again, but not in an unpleasant manner as before. Now you’re silent because you’re admiring each other. Resisting the urge to grab his face and kiss him again, you watch intently at him biting on his bottom lip, giving you a sheer look of adoration and hunger. Your mind was in the highest state of euphoria, feeling like you’re on cloud nine. That kiss left you speechless, breathless, weightless, and all other adjectives in between.

“I can sit here and list off every reason why I’m in love with you, but I thought about it and figured this should be good enough to get my point across.” Chan suddenly expresses his true feelings while holding your hand tightly in his grasp. It feels like he can breathe again, as if a heavy weights been lifted off his broad shoulders. “Did you like the flowers I sent?”

You owe Mirae a huge apology the next time you see her.

“So it was you?!” A gasp escapes your lips, finally comprehending the fact that he’s genuinely liked you for this long. It still felt surreal to you that you even kissed.

“You didn’t realize it right away? I mean my initials were right there..” he nervously spoke once more. The effect you have on him is so dangerously good.

It’s hard to believe you were so oblivious to how Chan felt when it was all hidden in plain sight. You should’ve known something was up when he started learning how to cook the first week you met. During lunch you expressed that men who could cook were the ideal type of husband and since then he’s been on a mission to perfect his cooking and make you a proud wife someday.

Moral of the story? Life works in mysterious ways when finding your soulmate. The external forces come together to align themselves perfectly in harmony, bringing two beautiful souls to connect as one.

[End <3].

[beanwaterontherocks]

Stress relief

(Hoshina Soshiro)

Pairing: Hoshina Soshiro x gn!Reader (they/them pronouns) Pt2 Pt3 Summary: You and your platoon were sent to Japan's third division base. You get along well with the vice captain, though sparring with him brings way more stress than it relieves. Warnings: Suggestive language and situations, Kissing, 18+ only My first language isn't english, so mistakes may occur. Word count: 1959

You’d heard stories of Japan’s Defense Force back at home and seeing it in person sure didn’t disappoint. Sixteen whole divisions spread over the country. The Tachikawa base, belonging to the Third Division, was a sight to see. A massive structure full of high-tech weapons and skilled officers. You’d been ordered to help out at the base as a show of goodwill. You and your platoon felt a bit out of place at first, coming from a country with less kaiju attacks and a smaller force. But you and your team were willing to help out in any way you could during missions.

You leaned against the balcony, listening to the happy chatter inside the building. It was good that both teams seemed to be getting along, no doubt helped by the casual ‘welcome party’ you’d been greeted with. You fiddled with your half-empty can of beer, as you let out a breath, maybe you shouldn’t be so nervous about this. 

“There you are Commander, I was wonderin’ where you went off to”, a voice spoke and you turned to face Vice-Captain Hoshina. He smiled at you, an expression he seemed to wear a lot, you smiled back politely. “Are we boring ya?” He asked in a teasing tone. You’d pegged him as a more laid-back guy and you’d been right. 

But looking closer, there was something enigmatic about him. His cheerful grin, charming as it was, didn’t always seem sincere. There was more to him than a joking personality. Your interest was definitely piqued. 

“I just needed some fresh air, though I’m glad they’re all having fun”, you responded, watching as he moved to stand a few feet from you, leaning against the balcony too. “Thanks for the warm welcome, I’m glad you guys are more tight-knit like we are”, you spoke and took a sip of your now lukewarm beer. He looked at you for a moment, before glancing at the party through the window behind him. 

“I guess you could say that, though you shouldn’t get too attached, y’know”, he commented and you hummed in agreement. That much was true, it was an unpredictable and dangerous job and anything could happen at any time. There was something you had to point out though, to get back at his teasing earlier. 

“I think that’s a little hypocritical, Vice-Captain Hoshina”, you said, looking at him with a smile. He seemed a little taken back, crossing his arms. “You care a lot about your division, I can tell, otherwise you wouldn’t let them throw parties or even care to make fun of them”, you continued and finished off your drink. “Plus, it’s better to take the risks among friends than among strangers”, you said as you looked up towards the darkening sky. He tilted his head before opening his mouth and…bursting out laughing. You saw him double over and clutch his stomach as he chuckled. 

“Ya sound like some kind of fantasy character, what’s with that?” He said as he continued to wheeze. Although his laugh was cute to listen to (something you felt embarrassed admitting) you still put a hand over your chest, in mock scandal. You were about to speak up when he looked at you, his smile softer than usual. You felt your cheeks heat up, probably just because of the alcohol. “I hope we can get along!”, he said as he straightened his posture, holding a gloved hand out to you. You took his hand, shaking it firmly as you smiled. 

“Me too”, you responded and let go of his hand. 

“So, I heard you use swords when fighting kaiju”, you spoke up, recalling the documents you’d read before coming here. “You don’t see that often, even though it’s pretty effective”, you said and Hoshina raised an eyebrow. 

“You think so?” He asked, a hand resting on his chin. You nodded and explained how optimal it could be for smaller kaiju. There was a much less messy outcome than with guns and it gave more precision to exploit weak spots. Hoshina was silent for a moment before he simply grinned again.

“I heard you like different weapons too, ya use a staff right?” He said and you were a bit surprised, he’d read up on you too. 

“Well, it’s more of a secondary weapon, but I’d really like to spar with you sometime”, you said and Hoshina hummed a bit before nodding. 

“Sure, how about tomorrow night?” He asked, you chuckled in response but you were incredibly interested in seeing him in action. 

“Eager, aren’t we? I’ll take you up on that offer”, you chuckled, this was your chance to see him in action. The two of you rejoined the party and you spent the evening getting to know the officers, occasionally feeling like someone was stealing glances at you. 

It went without saying that being in the Defense Force came with a lot of stress. Daily training regimes, missions, strategizing  and, for you and Hoshina, keeping the officers in line. You had taken to sparring with Hoshina a few times a week to decompress and let it out. Sure, it was nice to relax and recommend books to each other but sparring was definitely the best way to relieve stress. 

Or it would have been, if it wasn’t for how you were distracted by something else.

That something being Hoshina in that skin-tight compression shirt. The way his impressive muscles rippled with every move and how snugly it clung to his defined waist. Though it was hard to take your eyes off his torso, his face was also becoming a problem. 

His jovial expression melted into something more serious when he first took a swing at you. His eyes seemed to open more, exposing that vibrant mauve hue that you wanted to look at even closer. You managed to move to the side and dodge his attack by a hair’s width. You kicked your leg out to throw him off his balance, but he dodged it. Typical, you couldn’t always land a hit on him barehanded, you thought back to earlier this week. You’d gotten your staff to Hoshina’s neck, pressing the wood against his skin and the look he’d given you…like he was daring you to do something. You still weren’t sure what that look meant, but it had been incredibly hot. Here you were thinking like this while he was trying to earnestly spar with you. You mentally slapped yourself as you backed up a bit.

“Hey, how about we make a wager? Whoever loses has to do a favor for the winner”, you suggested, thinking about the nice lunch that the vice-captain salary could get you. Just to think about anything else than the flex of his arms. Hoshina grinned as your match paused momentarily.

“Sure, that sounds fun”, he said teasingly, sending more blood to your face. Damn him. 

You saw his gaze rake over you, preparing himself for whatever you might do. A part deep inside of you hoped that he was looking at you like you did him. But you instantly doubted it, your training clothes were an old t-shirt and biker shorts. You gestured for him to come towards you as you assumed a fighting stance, 

Maybe you were extra distracted or maybe his movements were a bit slower as he lunged at you again. That move seemed way too predictable for Hoshina and you actually managed to catch his fist. 

“Wow, Vice-Captain, is something throwing you off?” You asked, chuckling a bit before you saw his expression. It was that exact same look from before, the one that challenged you, made your heart race so much it thumped in your ears. You couldn’t look anywhere but his face and that led to your defeat. 

He swept your legs out from under you, causing you to fall onto your back, hitting the training room floor. He got on his knees and pinned your wrists down 

“I got ya now”, he said as he leaned over you, dark violet locks framing his face, which was now right in front of yours. He let go of your wrists after three seconds, but neither of you moved away. You tried to keep your gaze upwards, but it slowly drifted down to his lips. His mouth was open slightly, he was breathing heavily. You studied his pointed canines, wondering how they’d feel against your lips. 

The match had been over for a hot minute, yet Hoshina was still this close. The two of you simply looked at each other, engaged in some kind of stalemate. What kind of move should you make? You didn’t want to mess up the steady friendship the two of you had. But you couldn’t ignore the heat radiating off his body or how his locked gaze made you shiver. 

“So, what about that favor?” Hoshina asked, his hand raising, hovering just over the side of your face, like he wanted to cup your cheek. It couldn’t be, was he really having the same feelings? Maybe this was only your only chance to know for sure, without completely messing things up. You looked him in the eye, taking a breath before speaking:

“I’ll do you the favor of letting you kiss me”. 

You waited, had you been wearing your suit, it would have warned you of a dangerously accelerated heart rate. If he didn’t feel the same way, you still had time to frame it as a joke, a cheeky remark like the ones you two always shared. There was no more time to nervously ponder. Because Hoshina leaned down and pressed his lips to yours.

It was a feverous kiss, his hand went to hold your face as he pressed himself even closer. You felt relief wash over you as you kissed him back with matched passion. You wrapped your arms around his neck and ran your tongue across his bottom lip. Hoshina chuckled into the kiss before opening his mouth. Those sharpened canines felt just as good as you’d hoped. He nipped at your lips with them, though never hard enough to draw blood. Hoshina’s other hand went down to your thigh, snaking a finger under the hem of your shorts. He pulled the tight fabric and it snapped against your thigh, making you gasp. 

“How am I supposed to focus when you’re wearin�� these”, he said breathlessly when he pulled away from your lips. You laughed and moved your arms from his neck to his waist, running your palms over his clothed, toned back with a satisfied sigh.

“I guess we’re even then”, you spoke, finding the hem of that godforsaken shirt. You were desperate to get it off and feel more of his skin, more of him. 

But you both decided it’d be better to continue somewhere private. You leaned back on his bed, watching as he crawled towards you and caged your body in with his own. Wasting no time, you tugged at his shirt until he got the message and peeled it off. You felt heat between your legs as you pulled off your own shirt. He stared at you, a look like one he gave you when you were sparring. But there was something else in his gaze, a deep hunger, like he’d been holding it back for a while. 

“We’re far enough away from the others, make as much noise as you wanna”, he said, so close that you could feel his breath on your neck. You put your palm on the back of his head and threaded your fingers into his dark violet locks. You pushed him closer and caught his lips, moving your leg between his. Just like your sparring matches, you’d give it all you had. 

[morlock-holmes]

I recently found this article about Robin DiAngelo and it's really stuck in my head now. This woman is so instructive about the underlying psychological processes animating us in the early 20s, and it's totally unintentional, which makes her fascinating to me.

Partway through her presentation, DiAngelo asked us, “What are some of the ways your race has shaped your life?” She told us to give our answers to each other and added that if we were white and happened to be sitting beside someone of color, we were forbidden to ask the person of color to speak first. It might be good policy, mostly, for white people to do more listening than talking, but, she said with knowing humor, it could also be a subtle way to avoid blunders, maintain a mask of sensitivity and stay comfortable. She wanted the white audience members to feel as uncomfortable as possible.

In our group of three, Southern, who is white, went first. Like Woods, she was already steeped in DiAngelo’s ideas; Southern had led two church book groups in discussing “White Fragility.” She was fully persuaded that, as she said to me afterward, “we’re all racist in that we’re swimming in a culture that is racist,” and that “we don’t think, as white people, of white as a race that comes with all kinds of conditioning.” Yet, in the moment, in response to DiAngelo’s question, she struggled. She couldn’t articulate much of anything about how she’d been shaped by being white.

I went next. I, too, was ready for everything I heard from DiAngelo. In fact, I knew this very question was coming. Just the day before, I’d been to a session she ran for a fractious city department that agreed to let me watch as long as I didn’t describe the event; the department’s equity team had brought her in to spur white self-awareness. But I had failed to speak about my whiteness as formative. That is, I noted that my color gave me infinite advantages, but the words, while sincere, were passionless. I emphasized instead that three of my five nonfiction books were about race, that I thought about race constantly, that back in junior high my best friend was one of the few Black students in my school, part of an experimental busing program in the early ’70s, and that the way our friendship ended still haunted me, that I’d betrayed him badly.

At some point after our answers, DiAngelo poked fun at the myriad ways that white people “credential” themselves as not-racist. I winced. I hadn’t meant to imply that I was anywhere close to free of racism, yet was I “credentialing”? And today, after a quick disclaimer acknowledging the problem with what I was about to do, I heard myself offering up, again, these same nonracist bona fides and neglecting to speak about the effects of having been soaked, all my life, by racist rain. I was, DiAngelo would have said, slipping into the pattern she first termed “white fragility” in an academic article in 2011: the propensity of white people to fend off suggestions of racism, whether by absurd denials (“I don’t see color”) or by overly emotional displays of defensiveness or solidarity (DiAngelo’s book has a chapter titled “White Women’s Tears” and subtitled “But you are my sister, and I share your pain!”) or by varieties of the personal history I’d provided.

This is like some fucking 70s EST or scientology brainwashing shit.

Like, look at the list of responses to this question:

If you deny that being white shaped your life, that's White Fragility;

If you are too eager to show solidarity, that's White Fragility;

If you share personal history, that's White Fragility

If you talk about times when you were made aware of racism, that's White Fragility;

It seems like pretty much every single thing a white person could possibly say in response to that question is "White Fragility".

DiAngelo is clear that we're all inherently racist, but I want you to attend to the emotions that the author, Daniel Bergner expresses. He and his white colleague are eager to participate, and they know, and have heard, that their participation will be racist, but their primary emotions are anxiety and shame.

They are convinced that they have somehow shamefully failed at a very important task, despite the fact that DiAngelo is very, very clear that there is no way to succeed.

More than that, they feel shame at their desire to succeed, and anxiety at the idea of not trying to succeed.

Honestly as you keep track of the article watch how good DiAngelo is at subordinating people:

The surge of attention, DiAngelo told me, made her at once leery and hopeful. She worried that the posts were “performative,” the book “just a badge.” Yet, she said, “there’s a sense of scales falling from people’s eyes,” mostly because of the killings of Floyd and, before that, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor, but also, she believed, because of the work she and her antiracism colleagues have been doing. She felt a similar mix about the ASAP emails from corporations. “The very urgency itself says you don’t have a very deep understanding of how hard this work is, and how long it takes and how ongoing it needs to be,” she said. “Racism is not going to go away by August, so how about we do it in August?”

Being too excited to start being antiracist is evidence of how bad you are at being antiracist!

This woman is a terrifying menace.

What struck me reading both White Fragility and this article is the way that this way of talking and thinking distracts extremely heavily from concrete action. Everything pulls into an increasingly subjective, and religious realm, and the question of what we're actually trying to do recedes back into the fog:

Singleton spoke along similar lines. I asked whether guiding administrators and teachers to put less value, in the classroom, on capacities like written communication and linear thinking might result in leaving Black kids less ready for college and competition in the labor market. “If you hold that white people are always going to be in charge of everything,” he said, “then that makes sense.” He invoked, instead, a journey toward “a new world, a world, first and foremost, where we have elevated the consciousness, where we pay attention to the human being.” The new world, he continued, would be a place where we aren’t “armed to distrust, to be isolated, to hate,” a place where we “actually love.”

Bergner, and basically everybody he interviews, have gotten so excited to tell us whether this is a good idea or a bad one that they have forgotten to explain what "this" actually is.

I want you to do something brave. For a moment, forget that you and I think that it is utterly asinine to devalue "written communication" and let's agree with Singleton, putting emphasis on it is an example of white supremacist thinking.

Let's also pretend that we are teachers. What are we doing differently?

What specific classroom policy are we putting into place?

Are we eliminating all written classroom material?

Are we allowing social studies students to choose whether they prefer to give reports orally or as a finished written document?

Are we doing exactly what we were doing yesterday but trying to keep in mind that we shouldn't assume that a student is stupid just because they struggle with reading?

You'll notice that the range of options goes from "Insane radical thing that the school will never do" to "Something so obvious that basically any sane person will agree that it's a good idea"

You'll also notice that it's like pulling teeth to get anybody to actually put things into concrete terms like that (None of the people interviewed for that article is capable of doing so).

Hell, you know what I didn't notice until just now?

During a training in January 2019 run by [Darnisa] Amante-Jackson , which Chislett recorded, Amante-Jackson...went on to present “some characteristics of whiteness,” prominent among them “an obsession with the written word. If it’s not written down, it doesn’t exist.”

During a later session a white employee causes a giant stir by... wait for it...

Refusing to write on a poster during a brain-storming session.

This is the powerful hypnosis these people are working; you and I can listen to them talk about "obsession with the written word" and it doesn't occur to them or us to ask why so much of their anti-racist workshop revolves around the written word, revolves around demands to use the written word, and grinds to a halt when people refuse.

[redr0sewrites]

My Marauders Hcs

🥀A/n: most of these aren't intended to be x reader, but some of them are !

🥀Character(s): James, Sirius, Remus, Peter

🥀Cw: none, mostly fluff

James:

James is the type to have a planner and obsess over it the first week of owning it, and then forget about it immediately afterwards. every school year he tells himself that this is the year he's organized, and then by the third week the planner is rotting under his bed and he's going by memory

constantly running a hand through his hair. it started off as a nervous tic, but soon became soothing for him. whenever he's upset or frustrated, he always finds himself ruffling and messing with his hair. a lot of people think its on purpose, but its not, and he gets really defensive when people point it out.

simultaneously smart but dumb. James is an intelligent individual, but he just doesn't apply himself and would probably be top of his class if he tried- he just doesn't care too. not that his grades are bad per se, but they aren't as good as they could be

James is one of those people who's actually quieter once you get close to them. he overcompensates and acts more extroverted than he is in most social interactions, but once you get close to him he mellows out and becomes quieter. you can tell when James is really comfortable with someone because he's very relaxed and calm around them, he doesn't feel the need to be anything more than he is

sooo loyal. we already know this, but seriously, if he's dating you, he's the most loyal person there is. you would never ever even suspect he's cheating, he gets grossed out if other people even flirt with him. if he's dating you, he's whipped!!

on top of this, James is not afraid to show you off. he never understands how someone could be embarrassed of their partner, or pretend they aren't a couple because of others' opinions. he understands being private about a relationship, but if someone directly asks who he's dating, he's going to say that its you- and he's proud too!

tiny shirt + big pants combo>>>

let marlene do his makeup once at a party and, while he thought it was cool, didn't really think it was for him. he'll wear makeup if you want him too, and occasionally he'll put on mascara or tinted chapstick just for kicks, but i don't think he would spend a lot of time on makeup of skincare or stuff like that. he just doesn't have the patience for it

in my head he's half arabian and 1/4 african, with his father being mixed and his mother being fully arabian. his hair is sooo curly, and it took him a while to learn how to take care of it and keep his curls from getting frizzy or dry

James let Sirius attempt to pierce his ears sometime during fifth year, and wanted to try it the "muggle way" which, predictably, went badly wrong- but he's fond of them anyway! so, now he has slightly crooked ear piercings that he just puts plain black studs or a small diamond in. he also forgets to take his earrings out for Quidditch a LOT, so Peter was always reminding him about it

we all know about the headcanons about him wearing red converse, but i also vividly see him wearing the dirtiest high top vans you've ever seen- something like this but heavily used and loved

if a sweater or hoodie is too long, he has to push the sleeves up to his elbows. James cannot stand the feeling of sleeves brushing against his hand or wrist, its so specific but it would piss him off so much

tries to learn French so he could understand Sirius' and Regulus' conversations (especially when they were talking about him in front of him), and has an insane duolingo streak. like he's failing half his classes just because he's lazy, but his duolingo streak is like 400+

curses in Arabic a lot, and also calls his friends nicknames or petnames in Arabic as well

James has a really loud, boisterous laugh that practically fills up a room and makes everyone turn to look at him- like genuinely he can NOT be quiet when laughing

Sirius:

he made "potions" in the shower as a kid

Sirius cuts his hair on his own, and gets really nervous about asking other people to cut it. its a big sign of trust for him if he lets you cut his hair, as Walburga used to cut it short as a punishment. he genuinely prefers to just do it himself, but that means that more often than not his hair is pretty long because it's tough to reach the back

has at least 4 rubber bands on his wrist at all times- one for himself, one for Marlene, one for Lily, and then one extra. he oftentimes has even more, and he forgets that he has them on and will wake up in the morning with literal creases in his wrist because he kept them on for sooo long 😭

in his first/second year, Sirius had a french accent that he desperately tried to get rid of. he eventually succeeded, but it still slips out occasionally

he started painting his nails to piss off his parents, but soon became pretty good at it. now, Sirius and the girls of the friendgroup all hang out and he does their nails for them! in my mind, he has medium-short nails. they aren't completely flat, and he keeps them very smooth and rounded and pushes back his cuticles as well

has a comfort leather jacket that he wears almost constantly. the texture and weight is so familiar to him that even taking it off feels uncomfortable sometimes. when he's anxious or upset, he'll wear the jacket to help calm himself down and a lot of times, he has woken up with it on after a stressful night

Sirius has a complicated relationship with cleaning. his parents were far too strict about neatness, and he's associated cleaning with lots of negative memories, including being yelled at and stuff like that. this being said, he struggles a lot with cleaning up his own space and gets very easily offended if you even imply that himself or his space is dirty. Sirius also struggles with self care and bodily upkeep for similar reasons, even if its just basic things like combing his hair or brushing his teeth. he gets those tasks done, but he doesn't enjoy them and it's very draining for him

wears a lot of jewelry because he likes to fidget with it, and is a dedicated believer in wearing only gold. he's always afraid that he'll accidentally burn Remus if he's wearing silver jewelry, so he makes a point to only wear gold or copper or something similar

pierced his own ears, and also got his nipples pierced at a muggle piercing studio just to piss his parents off- even though they never found out

exclusively wears mismatched socks for no reason

is very gender nonconforming and is also probably genderfluid, he doesn't really care how he's perceived if that makes sense but feels more feminine and more masculine at different days or times

complains about little things but keeps bigger issues to himself. like Sirius will complain for an hour straight about how sore his back is from quidditch until everyone is begging him to shut up, and then turn around and neglect to tell anyone that his mom cooked him in a stew and fed him to a goblin or something (until he eventually breaks down about it)

gets angry really quickly and hates himself for it

wore a fake nose ring for years before actually getting it pierced

lowkey thinks bullying someone is a flirting tactic and when he's into someone he's a little mean and teasing towards them

Remus:

cant eat strong flavors in the morning such as fruits or sugary cereals bc it makes him uncomfortable or nauseous. only sticks to bland breakfast foods like eggs or toast when he first wakes up, but will eat more flavorful food later on

a tiny bit scared of the dark but won't admit it. he always keeps a nightlight nearby though

Remus gets bad migraines around the full moon and wears noise canceling headphones to help keep the loud sounds to a minimum

had a lisp and a crossbite at a young age but after a few years of dental work + speech practice its barely noticeable unless he's really upset (but he still has to be consciously aware of his lip movements nooo im not projecting...)

hates constricting clothes, has to be wearing baggy clothes or he feels like he's going insane

surprisingly good listener. he never plays the devils advocate, always gives good advice, and is overall a great person to vent to

can NOT sleep with his closet or bedroom door open it creeps him out sooo bad

this is going to sound a little insane but. in my head he sort of like. kisses with his nose. LET ME EXPLAIN i imagine him w like a slightly crooked nose and so whenever he kisses someone he always sort of? boops noses w them? bc his nose is like relatively big,,? and he just sort of does that??? idk it's just really adorable in my head

also adding onto that- he's a very gentle kisser. cups your face, rubs your back typa guy. definitely doesn't rush in

allergic to shellfish

one of those people who puts their entire soul in their notes app. he has lists, reminders, quotes, random pictures, information, and everything in between in his notes app. Remus is also the only one who can navigate through his notes as there are SO many and any normal person would go insane just from looking at all of it 💀

picks at his lips and nails until they bleed or peel

HATES when food touches on his plate- can't stand when food mixes and will often seperate food into little piles but then EATS MULTIPLE TYPES OF FOOD IN THE SAME BITE in an attempt to concoct like the perfect bite. like if he's eating idk chicken cutlets mashed potatoes and peas he can't have any of those touch on his plate or else it's disgusting but then he'll eat a piece of cutlet with mashed potatoes and peas on top in one bite??? idk maybe im projecting but this just seems like sum he'd do

very big on studying. he's smart, but if he doesn't study he absolutely blanks on tests and assignments so he always needs to have stuff memorized- he also takes extra notes for his friends so that they can copy it whenever they need

once he ties his laces on shoes, Remus never unties them and prefers to just shimmy in and out and fight for his life to put them on and take them off

Remus' ears get cold really easily so he wears earmuffs and a scarf often! his cheeks and nose also turn pink when he's cold and it's always very obvious and adorable

while he isn't a big fan of quidditch or sports in general, he truly enjoys supporting his friends and making sure they know that he's there! even if he has no real interest in it, he attends every single one of James' and Sirius' quidditch games

i love the headcanon that he befriends Regulus before any of the other marauders, and that he's in a study group with Reg, Lily, Mary, and Dorcas

Peter:

enjoys muggle comics, and has a HUGE comic book collection! Peter can also name nearly every superhero, and has soooo many comics memorized. like you ask him "what was the original comic in which *insert superhero* appeared" and he'll reply with the full comic title and author

you can't convince me that Peter wasn't a huge flannel person LIKE HE WAS THE TYPE OF KID TO HAVE A DIFFERENT COLORED FLANNEL SHIRT FOR EACH OUTFIT

huge gossip but in a good way. him and the girls all have a little gossip circle, and i looove the headcanon that out of all of the marauders, Peter is the most aware of all of his friends romantic endeavors. whether you ship wolfstar, jegulus, jily, dorlene, or anything else- Peter KNEW before even the people involved knew they liked eachother. always pretends to be surprised when people inform him of stuff like that as though he hadn't already known for two years or sum

i like to think Peter also played quidditch, but did it moreso to have fun with his friends rather than being super into the game. he liked it, but he only did it because his friends did

ridiculously good at chess, and holds that over Sirius' head allllll the time. probably also in his own little chess club or something similar

Peter is smart, but only when he applies himself. most of the time he's fine with being average, so he has decent grades, but certainly nothing outstanding. however, when he tries? he's very intelligent and can excel academically- he just doesn't feel like it

learned to braid Marlenes hair when they were younger, and then taught Sirius how to do it too! he'll also sometimes braid Sirius' hair for him if he's bored and needs something to do with his hands

unlike his friends, Peter isn't very confrontational and prefers to handle conflict with a softer approach. this often makes him take on the role of the peacekeeper in the sense that he communicates between both parties when his friends are fighting. that doesn't mean he can't stand up for himself, he just only does so as a last resort

Peter doesn't laugh, he GIGGLES. genuinely teehees when he's excited about something !!!

he was the one who suggested the name The Marauders, and originally did so as a joke, but then it stuck

very rarely curses, but between being friends with the marauders and such, he probably knows more curse words than the rest of his friends combined and sometimes when he's irritated he starts cursing up a STORM

chronic sweatpants wearer. orefers the material of his clothing over anything else, and if something is uncomfortable he simply won't wear it

i like the headcanon that Peter's queer awakening was actually both Frank Longbottom and Remus, but he didn't know it until years later. for Remus, it wasn't actually a crush, but moreso an "oh he's attractive. yea i'll think about that ltr" kind of moment yk? however, i do think he had a crush on Frank and that was also part of the reason he originally joined the quidditch team

Peter's favorite color would be yellow, and his favorite flowers are sunflowers!!! idk why, he just seems like a yellow kind of guy!!! i also feel like he'd like orange too- overall, he prefers warm colors to cool colors

Peter would listen to Nirvana, you can't tell me otherwise bc he WOULD !!!

he's kind to people regardless of their house. doesn't care if your a hufflepuff or a slytherin, a gryffindor or a ravenclaw, if you're nice, he's nice!! he's also always super sweet to first years who are new to the castle, and helps with giving directions (and telling those who purposely give wrong directions to piss off) for at least the first month of school every year

made friends with a lot of the portraits on the walls, and ended up gaining their favor and getting help with some pranks. i also think that he'd get along with most of the ghosts, and Moaning Myrtle had a crush on him in his third year and it was really awkward because he tried to be nice but she ended up taking it romantically and so she thought they were dating for like two whole weeks (James teased him mercilessly over this)

while Remus always keeps chocolate on him for others, Peter always keeps gummy bears on his person or nearby in case he sees someone upset

YIPPEEE I ACTUALLY WROTE SOMETHING!!!! i will def be doing a pt 2 with the valkyries (marlene mary n lily) and the slytherin skittles (barty evan dorcas regulus n pandora) so!! stay tuned !!!! hope u enjoyed and PLEPSOEELSLPSKSOSKD

PLEASE SEND IN MARAUDERS REQUESTS PLSPSLSPS

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

amber freeman x reader with 14 would be soooo good

14. ‘’Picturing you with someone else makes me sick.’’

SCREAM WEEK PT 3/7

I got multiple requests for this one character/prompt combo. I couldn't not write it

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

Amber smiled at the party-goers inside her house as she walked through the kitchen, pleased to see that people were having a good time. Her house was the perfect place for parties. It was massive and her parents were out of town almost every weekend. 

She got roped into a conversation with Wes and Tara, sipping her beer every now and then. 

‘’We should go. I’ll ask Mindy if she wants to come,’’ Wes said, looking forward to tomorrow’s double feature. ‘’The drive-in is an hour from here, but I’ll ask to borrow my mom’s car.’’ 

Amber wrinkled her nose. ‘’Do we really have to invite her? I don’t want to deal with her detailed critiques on the drive back.’’ 

‘’They’re showing her favorite movie. We can’t not invite her, Amber,’’ Tara reasoned, not wanting to be the one to exclude a friend — even for understandable reasons. 

‘’The last time we went to the theater with her, she didn’t shut up the whole walk to your house,’’ Amber countered, her irritation evident in her voice. ‘’I do not care what she will write in her Letterboxd review or what she—’’ She didn’t get to finish her sentence, her jaw tightening when she caught a girl chatting you up on the couch. She had a mischievous grin as was leaning in close, her hand resting dangerously high on your thigh. ‘’I’ll be right back,’’ she told Tara and Wes, her eyes not withdrawing from you.

She made her way through the crowd, quickly coming up with a way to get the brunette to go away. You were her girl. 

‘’Sorry to interrupt,’’ she interjected, approaching the couch with a practiced smile. "Didn't you leave with Sabrina last week? You might want to have a chat with her. I overheard her mentioning something about chlamydia and possibly spreading it around. It might be a good idea to schedule a check-up with your doctor." 

The brunette beside you thanked Amber for the information and hurried off in search of Sabrina. Amber’s warning made her look like a good person, like she was looking out for that girl, but you knew her too well to believe her intentions were good. 

Amber took a sip of her beer, then huffed a laugh. ‘’They think that because they’re lesbians they can’t catch anything.’’ 

‘’Sabrina does not have chlamydia,’’ you asserted, eyeing Amber skeptically.

She shrugged nonchalantly. ‘’She might. She’s making out with Connor on the porch, the guy gets around a lot.’’

You gave her the benefit of the doubt for this once. ‘’I’m gonna get another beer,’’ you said, standing up to get a bottle in the kitchen, but Amber grabbed your arm. 

‘’Actually, we’re low on beer. Can you help me get some?’’ 

Following someone into their dark basement was on the list of things to never do in horror movies. That’s how a lot of idiots get murdered. But you doubted Amber would ever plot to kill you. She could be evil-minded, but she wasn’t a psychopath.

The basement door closed behind you, making you jump. ‘’How many beers do you need to bring up? Because if it’s more than a dozen, we should ask Chad for backup.’’

Ignoring your question, Amber halted at the bottom of the stairs, her gaze piercing into you like daggers. ‘’What the fuck was that?’’ she snapped, her tone sharper than the edge of a knife.

Caught off guard by her sudden outburst, you blinked in confusion. ‘’What was what?’’ 

‘’Don’t play dumb with me. I saw you flirting with that bitch upstairs. You let her put her hand on your thigh. On my couch.’’

Ah, so that's what all the tension was about upstairs. Why she made up that nasty rumor about Sabrina. Amber was jealous. 

‘’I thought we weren’t exclusive.’’ 

‘’We’re not,’’ she grumbled, defensive.

‘’Then why are you barking at girls that get anywhere close to me?’’ you pressed as you took a step forward, a hint of amusement creeping into your voice. ‘’Are you perhaps…jealous?’’ 

Amber's reaction was immediate, her pride refusing to let your insinuation slide. She let out an indignant huff. ‘’I’m way better looking than that girl,’’ she retorted, her voice dripping with a confidence that bordered on arrogance.

She wasn’t wrong. No girl in Woodsboro was prettier than Amber. 

‘’Then why are you acting like she can take me from you? That girl and I were just flirting for fun — at least, I was.’’ 

Despite your reassurance, Amber didn't release her grip on her emotions. Instead, she closed the remaining distance between you, standing so close you could feel her breath as she spoke. ‘’Never do that again, got it?’’ she hissed with a possessiveness to her tone that made your core clench. ‘’Picturing you with someone else makes me sick.’’

—

Scream taglist: @misfityanii @beautybyfire @iluvscream191 @mariposa555 @bella7866 @o638 @lulubelle14 @luvvtxinityy @frasersgf  @Eddiefrickenmunson @jasperr-the-friendly-ghost @ghostf4cee @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom @wandaswigglywoos @xjennyx2 @jennasslut @thatonesblog  @mikaelsonsstuff @icarly23 @tcddszn  @bt.oliana  @skyesthebomb @a1mzcruml3y @red1culous @iluurmom @popeheywardssecretgf @michaelangdonsslut @byhrxb @kamthecoolest @kattybug @ravenstrueluv @landryslxys @die4niyahhh  @sl4sh3rfuck3r @radiant-whore  @Meadzy21 @luci1fer @nomorespahgetti  @bloodyhw  @depthsofdespairr  @bellysbeach @wilmalovegood @loupiotesworld  @wenvierismycomfort @t-candy  @s-al-em  @darylscvmdumpster  @tommysaxes  @adaydreamaway08 @johannelis2302nely @aqshua @lynbubble @luiise @planetkt @vampyrgoff @adrluvh @mymultiveres  @miqi-16 @not-liah  @lovenats01 @doestalker @lonelywitchv2 @lausley336  @arinexeisnotworking @halforangecuts @l3ndryz  @ilovelandry  @your-platonic-gay-lover @danniackerman  @angelxxrose @lottiefromsam  @thecrowdedstreetin1944 @cinnamonbun222 @angelxxrose @lottiefromsam @zoeynicolas @thecrowdedstreetin1944 @cinnamonbun222 @pumkinnroses @cruzgrecia @sunnysunny133696 @aesthetixhoe  @gizmodecaprio @bingsbitch @buckyswhxre  @emerald-09

All and more taglist:  @kenqki  @hawkegfs  @gillybear17   @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade   @mellabella101 @vxnity713  @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly @ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart  @xyzstar  @graceberman3   @mikeyspinkcup @jackierose902109 @daisydark @laurasdrey @mischieftom @fanatic4niall @peterholland04 @idkwhattonamethisblogs  @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @zoeynicolas @thejuleshypothesis @multi-fandom-bi-bitch @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @thejuleshypothesis  @katherinejess  @rafesgirlstuff  @lafleshlumpeater @iamluminosity

[icyg4l]

Pick-A-Child Star: Inner Child Messages

In honor of Black History Month, I am continuing the series of highlighting Black icons while prioritizing the spiritual needs of Black Americans. Pick the image that resonates with you most.

Left-to-Right (1-3): Keke Palmer, Aleisha Allen, China Anne McClain

If you chose Pile One, you resonate with the energy of Keke Palmer. As we all know, she is a multi-talented human being. She is a singer-songwriter, actress, dancer, talk show host, podcaster and model. Her name is synonymous with the phrase 'busy bee'. Her infectious personality has followed us through movies and tv shows like True Jackson VP, Scream Queens, Akeelah and the Bee, Nope and much more. She continues to grace the screens with her charismatic nature.

"You're always wondering what you're not, can't you be happy with what you've got?"

When you were younger, you may have watched the tv show, 'How to Rock', starring Cymphonique. The premise of the show is navigating the social castes of high school. I channeled the theme song for this show. You really need to show some more gratitude, man. What's in your imagination is being reflected on the outside world; just enjoy the moment. Your brain is on overload all the time and you really need to rest. On Valentine's Day, you should give yourself some 'me time'. Another message that I get from your inner child is that you need to go play! For some of you, I sense that you're reluctant to let someone into your life when they have good intentions. I think high school plays a big role into why you navigate the world the way that you do. You are not in high school anymore! You are officially responsible for your own shit (that means the emotional trauma too, boo). Your inner child also wants you to know that you should take up some karate/self-defense classes. It is imperative that you learn how to stick up for yourself physically, not just verbally. Lastly, if you have lost a father figure, you should do that thing to honor his legacy such as getting a tattoo of him, getting a portrait painted of him, starting that company and naming it after him. You are your father's offspring, you know?

If you chose pile 2, this means you resonate with the energy of Aleisha Allen. She is most famously known for her roles in the 'Are We There Yet?' film series and School of Rock. Her cheeky portrayal of these characters solidified her as a Black child star icon. After starring in these classic films, she took on smaller roles in 'The Electric Company' and indie films. Since then, she has acquired a Bachelor's degree at Pace University and a Master's degree at Columbia University in Communication Science and Disorders to fulfill a career as a speech pathologist.

“I gets down, I don’t play”

Some of you may be in the midst of choosing a major after being undecided for so long. Some of you may switch majors a lot. Your inner child wants you to choose something that makes them come alive this time. In other words, choose a career path that's not boring to you. You could have ADHD/ADD or some type of learning disability. You need to slow down because you’re inviting some disingenuous energy. Your inner child does not trust the people that are around you. Your light shines too bright to be staying in spaces where you're not celebrated. This made me think of a video of Megan Thee Stallion talking about walking out of rooms where you don't feel comfortable. Do exactly that, my love. Everything will work out just fine if you believe that it will. Your inner child wants you to be as optimistic about this transition as possible. And lastly, you don't have to tolerate anyone's behavior, or quite frankly anything. If you feel like you have to put up with someone's bull, then you need to leave. You guys were quite the sassy kids, weren't you? Now, where did all of that energy go? Why are you dimming yourself down just to appeal to others? It doesn't matter if you're in a corporate meeting or a classroom filled with white people, you speak your mind. You know what's going on, don't be intimidated.

If you chose Pile 3, you resonate with the energy of China Anne McClain. She is known for her roles in Daddy’s Little Girls, A.N.T. Farm, the Descendants series and Black Lightning. Her range in roles highlights her witty, yet dramatic personality, which is the reason for any drawn interest in her. She is also a singer-songwriter who was once in a girl group with her older sisters, Lauryn and Sierra. Since then, she has documented her spiritual journey on social media after quitting acting.

“I’ve got friends on the other side”

This is the pile that I would probably choose. This is the pile of the hoodoos/witches/spiritualists/occultists. Your inner child wants you to know that the spells you’ve been casting have been working. As a child, you may have had some experiences with ghosts/spirits. Nobody believed you but who cares? They’re your friends now. There may be a cousin that you haven’t seen/talked to in a while. Please talk to them! Your inner child misses them so much! It doesn’t matter if you’re not on good terms with them, please go do it. For some reason, you should go play hide and seek. This could also mean that you should prepare for an item of yours to go missing temporarily. It could also mean that you will find out some information that you’ve been searching for. Finally, if you feel like you have nowhere to go, think again! Your inner child wants to go to place where you once frequented. This could be the beach, an arcade or the park. Go have a picnic. Go insert those coins/swipe that card into your favorite apocalypse game. Go dig your toes into the sand! You are going through self-actualization and it is important that you stay grounded. Be prepared to step into uncomfortable positions. Connecting with your inner child is a way to do so. It is essential for your growth as a person.

[cringe--is--dead]

꧁✬◦°⋆⋆°◦. 𝓗𝓸𝓽 𝓒𝓸𝓬𝓸𝓪 ◦°⋆⋆°◦✬꧂

꧁✬◦°⋆⋆°◦. 𝓢𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓻𝓪 𝔁 ��𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 ◦°⋆⋆°◦✬꧂

Winter had settled in rather quickly, the air still and cold. It had yet to snow, but the painful chill in the air made you think it would start sooner than later. You pulled your coat tighter, gloved fingers still warming up slowly. The wind nipped at your cheeks, at your nose, and you held the thermos in your hands, balancing it with the bag of snacks. You had someone waiting for you— you couldn’t let the weather make you late. 

The sidewalks were nearly empty, save for a few people tidying their store fronts, and the park was completely empty; save for one person sitting on one of the swings. Sakura was bundled up, clad in proper winter gear that his friends had given him, claiming them as hand-me-downs. Snowflakes clung to his hair, as he still refused to wear any hats. You understood, but you still worried about him catching a cold.

“Hey,” You called out, the frozen ground crunching under your feet.

He looked up, squinted eyes softening when he saw you. “Took you long enough,” His voice was gruff, though it lacked bite.

You rolled your eyes, holding the thermos forward like a trophy, “Hush, I come bringing gifts,” You shook the plastic bag for emphasis. 

He frowned, eyeing the items in your hands, and you could have sworn you saw his cheeks grow more pink, “I didn’t ask you to bring anything.”

“You didn’t need to,” You said, sitting in the swing next to him, “I wanted to get you something to keep you warm before you went back on patrol.”

He turned away, making a noise of disbelief, “You’re impossible…”

“And you love it,” You teased, unscrewing the top of the thermos.

He made a face, but made no move to argue with your statement. 

He took it, his fingers brushing against your glove clad ones, and even through the fabric you could feel the little tingles from where you touched. He took the lid, staring at the cocoa like it was some alien object, before bringing it up to his face, taking a small sip.

He looked almost surprised, “It’s good.” 

You smiled, feeling a little smug, “I know, it’s my specialty.”

He scoffed, no bite in the sound as the two of you sat in silence, him sipping the cocoa and you watching him. You were glad you two had gotten to a point in your relationship where silence like this wasn’t unnerving or uncomfortable, and you knew part of that showed you how far he’d come since first arriving to town. 

When you two had started dating he’d been closed off, as expected, his walls so high that you worried you’d never be able to see what was on the other side. Bit by bit, though, you climbed them, his defenses and hackles lowering as he grew to trust you more and more. Now you felt you saw parts of him no one else ever had the chance to see, and you loved every part of him, even if you loved to tease him on occassion. 

“Why’d you bring me this?” His voice was quiet, breaking through the silence as he stared down at the cocoa. 

“It’s cold,” You shrugged, thinking that was enough of an explanation.

“But… why? I mean, yeah it’s cold but,” He paused, as if trying to understand why he was even asking you this, “But you should be at home, not out here giving me hot chocolate. It’s not worth it.”

I’m not worth it, he didn’t need to say that part for you to hear it, and your heart clenched at the question. No matter how much you and his friends worked to gain his trust, to show him you all loved him, he still had such an overwhelming feeling of lonlieness attached to him.

“Because I wanted to,” You turned to him, still seated on the swing, “Because you’re my boyfriend, and you’re out patrolling when it’s below freezing, and I wanted to give you something, to show you that I was thinking of you, that I care about you.”

Because you’re worth it, to me, and always will be. 

He scoffed, but refused to turn, and you knew he was trying to hide how easily his emotions could be seen on his face, “You’re… way too good at saying crap like that.” He flailed one of his hands around, as if trying to wave away the flustered feeling, “Saying crap that…”

“What?” You kicked one leg out, nudging his foot softly, “Makes you feel all soft inside?”

“Oh shut up,” You laughed, mentally imaging a cute little cat, hackles raised as it grew flustered.

“You’re cute when you’re all flustered.”

“I’m not cute!”

“Alright, alright,” You raised your hands, fake surrender, “Whatever you say.”

He huffed, bringing the lid back up, taking another little sip, trying to hide his embarrassment behind the cocoa. His shoulders relaxed, though, the edges of his lips turning up with the faintest of smiles on his face. 

“Thank you,” He muttered, quiet, as if worried his thanks would ruin the mood, “For this. And… everything else.”

You smiled, kicking yourself on the swing a little bit, swaying gently, “Anytime, Sakura.”

You meant it too, and you didn’t have to say it, not anymore. He knew, he grew to know, that you truly adored him, that you’d brave freezing weather to bring him hot cocoa and snacks. Hell, you’d do almost anything for him.

[thementalshawty]

Who’s Your FS PT. 2

Heyyyyyyyyy happy ‘24!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m back with the awaited pt2 to who’s your FS. Now if I’m guessing most of you saw pt1 and just back here for confirmation or for more information, now for those who are new here hellloooooooooo! This is a shorter version of p1 only I’m using one deck for this reading. @silvershiningtarot gifted me the tea leaf oracle deck so that is what I’ll be using for this reading! Thanks baby!! Now REMEMBER THIS IS A GENERAL READING! Take what resonated and leave the rest for others to take in you want something more personal, you’ll have to purchase a reading from me, or any other great reader on here, mmk? Til then just take what resonates with you in this general reading! Choose an emoji and let’s get started and TAROT IS A SUGGESTIVE METHOD, DO NOT RELY ON ANYONE OR ANYTHING TO MAKE OR DICTATE DECISIONS AND MOVES FOR YOUR LIFE! YOU’RE THE POWER!

P4: 🖤

P5 :💞

P6:🫶🏽

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Pile IV

Your spouses have faced major challenges and obstacles in their lives, they’ve climbed many a mountain basically. They aren’t a weak minded person, they got heart p4 and they’re brave! They’ve faced so much they don’t back down from shit! This person is a survivor, a soldier, a warrior lol! I can’t stop bragging about how strong and fierce they are! They’ve been hit with so much shit and they’ve climbed it, I feel like right now they’re facing yet another major challenge in their lives. There’s rats around them, people that are secretly working against them behind their backs, they’re not even aware of it or who it could be cos they’re so focused on what they’re facing. Poor babies! These are my survival mode babies! They have paranoia, they think everyone is after them most likely, they are afraid of peace cos they don’t trust it, they had to defend themselves their whole lives. “All my life I had to fight.” Maybe they had a color purple kind of life, like Celie, or Sofia, but don’t look at the gender of them, it can be male, female, gender less, this person has been through some shit and they still are needing to defend themselves, don’t feel bad for them tho, they can handle it I feel, they’re hella strong but they shouldn’t have to be going through shit just cos they can handle it or they’re strong you know?? They’re a bit defensive too only cos they always had to defend themselves so they don’t understand the concept of constructive criticism or advice from bullying or trying to tear them down, they never had anything healthy to compare the toxicity too. So be mindful of that. They’re successfully overcoming a problem right now! They always land on top! They are the type to get kicked down but have the last laugh. They cannot be defeated, they lose battles but they WIN WARS! Maybe some of them live over a bridge or live where there’s a famous bridge (golden gate bridge I heard so maybe some of them or you are in cali). This person is a new person entering your life not an ex or someone you have met already, you haven’t met this person, you can possibly know of them, but you didn’t meet yet. They are arrogant and boastful and it’s cos what they went through. They are high! Very cocky they got an ego, and it’s cos whoever or whatever crossed them or tried to cause them harm failed and was destroyed leaving them way better than before. So they feel untouchable. They’ve been grieving some kind of loss, they have sorrowful moments especially when they relive or reminisce about what they went through and lost. They’re starting over and recreating their lives, venturing out into new territory or new methods of life, they’re hella creative and idealistic so they are now coming up with new and impressive ways of going about things. They may like watching the sunrise, could’ve been born at sunrise? They’re an early bird most likely. They’re a king/queen to themselves and they don’t need any validation from anyone! EVER! They persevere and never give up, this is how they overcome issues, they’re not the type to just take shit lying down, they’re a fucking fighter. They have plenty of material things, they have a lot of stuff, I’m not seeing hella wealth but they have plenty of money, they can afford whatever they want in that moment. They’re cocky cos they know they fought for everything they have so they feel they’ve earned the right to be cocky. They have been disappointed by friends and lovers in their lives who I feel have plotted behind their backs, it’s almost like I’m getting the rise of Tony Montana from Scarface, maybe they like that movie, they have a nice house and nice shit in their homes (random). They’re over thinkers, I told you they’re paranoid, they think that everything may crash and burn and they will have to struggle again like they’re used to but they are getting better and better each challenge or obstacle. I think that they’re bigger than you, some of them are tall, heavier, curvy, just bigger than you some in height some in weight. They are coming out of their cocoon a butterfly they are going through

Yet another transition and transformation, it’s for the better they are going to emerge from this so much better, stronger and more abundant I feel, I think that they always end up financially secure or blessed after every challenge they end up gaining some money that’s why they have so much shit I feel, they love to celebrate themselves. They are a happy go lucky type of person because they have been through shit and they have won every single war they’ve been in so they feel like they’re blessed and have good luck, others may gossip and say that they’re a lucky person but they’re really just good like that! They deserve their position in life, I promise you they do!

💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

Pile V

Happiness is important to this person. This is the type of person where money doesn’t matter to them. They just want to do what makes them the happiest, not that they aren’t taken care of financially, but they aren’t a shallow or materialistic individual. They love standing in the sun, they probably laugh loud and proud they are one of the happiest people you’ll ever meet in your life, they hate being upset or angry, it takes a lot to make them mad I feel. They have built a nest for themselves, they have a cozy home I feel, they are filled with so much love, they’re emotionally secure and they come from a loving family, or they want to create a loving and emotionally secure family. They definitely want kids, family is important to them which is why I think they were indeed brought up in a loving home at least some of them did, very warm and fuzzy person. They believe in love and happiness they believe love will bring them true happiness! I love them! They have a two faced friend in their life right now tho, this person around them is a fake ass person being fake but they only see the one face right now, idk if they don’t wanna face it or they genuinely don’t know about this person but they have a fake ass friend amongst them P5. They can be a cat person, they can even feed the birds or have a bird house at their house, you know what I feel too, they have one of those fountains for the birds outside their house, a family of birds could live outside their house. They have great fortune, like I said they are taken care of financially, I feel like because they don’t chase money like how everyone else is so obsessed with the bag, they’re not which is why money and fortune finds them simply they don’t chase anything but their happiness honestly. They are a very blessed person, a human four leaf clover 🍀! You’ll feel blessed around them too, maybe some of them are born in march, I do get wager sign vibes from this deck. Their skin is on the darker side, especially if you’re looking for a wife she’s got a darker complexion than you or her hair! It can also be their mom, or sister only because family is hella important so is their culture too, I feel some of you guys share the same culture others differ but even the ones that share the same culture you may not be into it as deep as they are they are devout to their culture and family. They may have gotten their money through inheritance, or winning something it could’ve even been some kind of windfall either way it came to them very naturally and it was like a stroke of luck or a blessing they are wealthy, they could’ve even inherited a beautiful piece of property. Something wealthy and grand they have! Money or some grand property. They are protected from negative forces, their guides and ancestors don’t play with them, anything negative that comes their way doesn’t affect them directly or heavily! They’re blessed frfr, truly lucky person! I’m happy for this person! Fuck that fake ass friend tho. P5 you gotta winner here! They may own a boat, 🛥️ yacht? This pile I’m getting old money vibes, wealth, old Victorian homes and castles type of background with this person. Idk. I see that because this person is so blessed and rarely sees any negativity, they aren’t very used to being told anything less than great, they need to learn how to accept valid criticism, I feel they feel anyone telling them anything less than satisfactory is a hater. They don’t want their happiness interfered with. I feel like there is some criticism that they need to listen to. So they have some downfalls in this person. Some of them could’ve been born rich. I feel like they are spoiled, the silver spoon ones. They are only used to having the best so anything less is not what they pay attention too. Others I feel they inherited money but before they did they accepted the fact that things suck sometimes so when anyone come to them with it they try to brush it off cos they know life sucks sometimes but they pay no mind to it which is a high vibe but also low too. They’re a fucking soaring 🦅 EAGLE! They

faced obstacles, struggles and troubles and they triumphed over it, beautifully, so they may be spoiled but they are strong and resilient! They will handle what they need too! Eagle could be a bird they love or I’m hearing maybe some of them have an eagle tatted. This fake ass friend I feel like they are undependable and insincere but they make excuses for them, only to avoid facing an issue, this may be a family friend? I feel there’s a hesitation to cut this person off, this person your spouse cannot depend on yet…….. that person still around I bet. Ugh! 😩! Your person needs to stop being so nice, they are sweet as fuck and I feel this person uses the family and your person. They are the type to get warnings ahead of time, whether it be their intuition or an actual person warning them but I feel like they always get the heads up! They are about to face a problem in the near future if they’re not facing nothing now. Some of you will be dealing with a person with white, blonde, or gray hair, some could dye it, some older, shit some is both! They’re the type of come from the families of legacies, like fashion companies, hotels, inventions, etc. They could have been next in line? I feel like with others who gained the wealth I feel like they worked but it came rather quickly, your spouse found what they loved and made millions off it. This pile is a lot about their possessions because even the next card is letting you know that right now they are increasing in material wealth right now, spiritual growth as well, which why I feel like this fake ass friend will be seeing the door soon this year! They could’ve had a goldfish as a pet or they do right now (Random). They love to vacation and take time away from everything. They’re a traveler! They are the type to drop everything and go to the fuccin Mykonos or Fiji just cos they can! They are extremely wealthy! Billionaire status to some of them I feel the ones that come from money in their family. Others they are millionaires or damn near close asfcc they could be on vacation right now, or they’re in desperate need of one.

🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

Pile VI

They are highly praised and thought of, this may be the fame pile and nah not entertainment celebrity but a celebrity in their fields. They’re know as probably gods/goddesses in their field of work. They’re very loved and adored by many, they have lots of fans and people throwing themselves at them. They’re very loved! 🥰 Love is hella important to them. They want to love so much! They search for true love, they may wear bows in their hair, remember bows are just accessories for any gender!!! They could be born in November or you may meet them around that time. I feel like Thanksgiving may be important to them too, they may love helping others, volunteering, I am hearing turkey drives. This is your true love by the way P6. They are in some trouble right now or have gotten into some trouble, either they were making accusations or someone was making accusations against them. I feel they’re in the hot seat at the moment or they’re putting someone else in the hot seat. I feel like it’s the first one, lots of people may be jealous of their fame, success so they’re doing anything they can to make them fall and suffer, lose that credibility. They feel like something is lacking in their life, I feel like it’s love but it can be anything, from money or goals, they just feel like they’re lacking something in their lives. They also I feel keep their emotions tucked in a barrel, I’m hearing some shit about image so maybe that’s how they move, they move the way they think they should to keep the fame. Opportunities are waiting for them at the door, opportunities that they create for themselves. Great businessmen/women! They handle the shit right! I’m not sure if they have a lot of money I don’t think they do I think they have a lot of fame, and notoriety but I don’t feel like they are rich or wealthy enough yet, they aren’t struggling they’re building up but they’re not where they want to be right now. They are about to have an exciting event that I feel will bring them in everything that they want. I feel like you guys may meet an exciting event. I feel like they may have a gong or like the sound of them ? (Random). They will be successful that’s guaranteed I’m seeing, they took their time, planned right and worked their fucking asses off they will be hella successful this year !!! This is a NEW PERSON! You don’t know them, you haven’t met them, like p4 you could’ve heard of them but you haven’t met them yet, this person hasn’t entered your life yet but they will, I think this year!!!! As soon as I said that a month card came out man!!! May!!!! They can be a Taurus, or Gemini, Scorpio or Sagittarius. They hella sensual. They may like to eat! You may meet in May. They have flopped a few times coming up in their lives, they’ve tried many different approaches and ways and have been unsuccessful. They didn’t give up they kept going and told themselves that they would be better next time and they were going to make it! They’re very focused i am getting earth sign energy major Capricorn energy especially! They are very poetic. Some of them are writers, or write with quill. 🪶. They are so creative and they are getting the start they deserve, they just want to make it, they just want to make it in what they love and continue getting the love for it, I honestly hope they do. Things are going to change for the better for them, they will make it and be successful and they will be triumphant and whatever they are facing in life. They are a bit arrogant and boastful, they aren’t a dick but they’re very egotistical and they don’t play about what they have, don’t cross these people either I feel like bad karma happens to those who cross your spouses, hella protected in the spirit world and I feel they know that and that’s why they are so cocky well a part of it, they are loud and they are goin to be heard no matter what, they show off too, I’m telling you major Capricorn vibes, this person is on their way to becoming CEO’s and Bosses this year yahhhhhh!

�� 📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖

Well thanks for tuning in!

Happy fuccin new years🎉

Get ready for the new year it’ll be killer!

Up’s and down’s but you’re a lot further than you were before so don’t forget it!!

I hope you enjoyed the reading and it brought you confirmation and clarity. TRY NOT TO COMMENT ANY THING ABOUT WHAT YOU READ! Some people look at the comments and are swayed to choose a certain pile based on someone else’s confirmation so please! If you have anything you want to say dm me, send in an ask, please try to comment only your feelings about the reading not any revealing information if that makes sense! Thanks babessss!

[maximumsass]

Green Eyes of Envy Pt. 6

Author’s Note: Hello my lovely readers!! For all the newbies that come across this Heyyyy!! I have been MIA for a long minute with this series but I got inspired again and boom I wrote for this first time in literally months! I have part 7 almost finished so be on the look out for that!But I’m back to feed your Melissa Schemmenti fanfic needs! And I hope y’all like it!! I feel pretty damn good about it and writing this made my little author heart very happy! Sending y’all all da love and hugs!

Warning: SMUTT, obviously a lot of fluffff!! And an argument which breaks my heart but couples fight gotta keep it real!

Synopsis: Thanksgiving is upon you and Mel and sadly you have made plans to go home for the holiday. Of course both you and Mel are upset about this. Emotions are running high, and someone lashes out! Will you and Melissa be able to makeup before you have to catch your flight home? And if y’all do makeup, will it include bedroom activities? Keep reading my lovely readers to find out!

Word Count: 2.5K+

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

——————————

It’s the week of Thanksgiving and you are going back to Michigan to see your family. This had been planned since August so before you and Jessica Rabbit got together. You didn’t know who was more sad about not being together for your first holiday as a couple.

You were taking a personal day on Wednesday to fly out early and be with your family as much as possible for the short trip home. Of course that meant the redhead couldn’t take you to the airport and see you off because it was the last day of school before break and this made her even more upset. You actually had your first fight about it.

“I’ll take a personal day too and then I can take you to the airport.” Mel said over dinner.

You stopped eating and put down your utensils. “Honey, you know the district is having a sub shortage. And think of your kids, they all will want to say bye to you on the last day.” You say hoping that logic will have her drop the topic.

“But I need to take you to the airport and do the sappy cry fest goodbye before you go through security.” She says looking at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“Mel, I don’t need you to do anything for me. Would it be nice if you could yes, but it’s not a good option so it’s fine I’m a big girl and I can get an Uber.” You say to her and as soon as it’s out of your mouth you wish you could take it back.

She looks at you with disbelief. “Why is it so bad to need me (Y/N)? Do you know how terrifying it is for me to admit to myself let alone to you that I need you. I could’ve easily denied that I need you but I’d be lying to myself just like you’re lying to yourself!” She exclaims and then the tears start flowing down her cheeks.

And then you realize that you’re the asshole in this situation.

You get up and walk towards her slowly to gage where she’s at. Fuck it, you need to hold her and apologize and do whatever it takes to make sure she’s okay.

“Baby I am so sorry. I didn’t mean it, I promise. My mouth and my defense mechanisms got the best of me. If I’m being honest I’m more upset about not being together over break than I’m letting on and I’m just trying to be fine about the whole thing. I know shoving difficult shit down always leads to hurting myself or someone I love. I think I was just trying to protect you from seeing how upset I actually am because I knew it’d make you feel more upset. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that and I sincerely apologize. In the future I’ll just tell you how I’m really feeling so it doesn’t build up.” You say looking at her, you holding her hand, your thumb stroking the top of her hand. You stand up and grab a couple tissues and hand them to her.

She wipes her eyes and then gently pulls you onto her lap.

“I forgive you angel, I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. You never have to hide from me. I want to see every part of you. Especially when you’re really upset because I know I won’t be able to fix it most times but I know with certainty that I will love you through it and sit by your side and listen and hold you through it. You just gotta let me in so I can do that. I promise I’m not going anywhere, you’re forever stuck with me. You just have to trust me.” The redhead says softly.

You feel a couple tears slide down your cheeks. You wipe them away and then lean your forehead against hers. “Thank you for forgiving me. I just want to tell you that I do need you. I’m not saying it just to say it I really truly mean it. I need all of you and like you said, it’s really scary admitting that. There’s this part of me that if I say I need you that somehow you’ll end up thinking that I’m incapable, which I know sounds ridiculous. But when one of the top assumptions about me is that I am incapable to do most things because of my disabilities, it’s something that’s always in the back of my mind.” You explain as you play with her hair.

“Oh honey. I didn’t even think about that. That makes so much sense. I know I keep saying this to you but I’ll say it again you (Y/N) (Y/L/N) are my superwoman, you’re the most stubborn, independent, get shit done woman I know, and I know that you can do and get anything you want to…well maybe not cooking.” She chuckles and kisses your head. “But when you let me take care of you, when you let yourself need me it makes me feel so special because you’re so selective about who you let in. Whenever you’re having those thoughts you just need to tell me. And then I’ll remind you how amazing I think you are, how I know you can do whatever it is that I’m doing for you and that it’s okay to let your amazing woman take care of you and need me in that moment. Besides I will always be the needier one out of the two of us, cause you’re just irresistible.” She says smiling at you.

You lean in and give her a long slow desire filled kiss. When you break away she has a big smirk on her face. “We’ve had a lot of sex but we still haven’t had makeup sex yet. Do you think you are up for checking that off our firsts list tonight?” She purs into your ear.

You mirror her smirk. “I think I’m up for our first makeup session.”

“But this is a rare occasion kind of thing miss. Fighting is not who we are. We just need to remember to talk to each other about the hard shit. You’re my safe place and I’m yours, whatever we’re facing we do it together.” She says and you nod in agreement.

Before you know what’s happening she’s takes you in her arms and she stands up and carries you to the bedroom. She lays you on the bed and then she starts undressing you, when she’s done with you she starts undressing herself but slowly to tease you, it’s working and just spikes your desire for her.

You prop yourself up on your arms so you can get a better look at the strip tease she’s doing for you. She finishes by taking off her black lace panties that she knows drive you wild. And then before you know what’s happening she’s on top of you and is kissing you with such desire. Her tongue licks your lips for permission to enter and of course you let her tongue slide into your mouth and dance with your tongue, and you moan into the kiss.

She breaks away for air, and looks down at you like you are the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. She then goes to your neck and starts kissing, sucking and nibbling, you both know that she’s marking her territory.

Melissa knows and loves how independent you are but she also has this possessive side where you are hers and everyone needs to know it, hence her marking you everywhere possible. And you’re not gonna lie, you think this side of her is so hot! You love that she wants everyone to know that you belong to her.

She works her way down to your boobs, and then she’s licking your nipple and sucking it and you let a stifled moan fall from your lips. She takes your chin in her hand and gets you to look at her.

“I want to hear that gorgeous moan of yours, nice and loud.” She instructs seductively.

She then goes to the other boob and works wonders with that gorgeous mouth of hers. “Fuck Mel!” You moan as your hands grip the sheets.

“There’s my good girl sounding so gorgeous for me.” She says praising you.

She then proceeds to kiss all the way down your stomach and your legs and then she gently licks all the way up and down your folds. Your moans fill the room.

“You’re already so wet for me princess, such a good girl wanting me to fuck you so badly.” She says as she looks at you between your legs.

She then slides her tongue inside you and your hips immediately start grinding against her mouth and your hands go to her hair. She starts rubbing circles on your clit and you feel the heat starting to rise as an orgasm begins to form.

“Oh my god Mel, yes I’m almost there!” You exclaim.

And then she pulls away and gets off the bed.

“What the actual fuck??!!” You whine looking to see what she’s doing. She goes into her closet, rummages around in there and then comes back out wearing the strap.

And you feel a whole different type of desire building inside your pussy.

She gets back on the bed and climbs on top of you. She hovers over your face and then leans down to kiss you softly.

“I’m sorry I left ya high and dry, I just thought that makeup sex needed to involve me strapping you.” She says in a soft but confident tone. All you can do is nod.

She starts rubbing the strap on your pussy as well as taking your juices and putting it on the strap so it’ll enter you with ease. She looks at you for permission to enter and you nod.

She knows that you need her to be gentle and go slowly as she starts. She pushes slowly inside of you and you gasp because having her fill you feels so god damn good. She starts pumping in and out slowly at first as she moves so that you’re face to face again,she takes your hands and places them above your head and then intertwines her fingers with yours as she leans down and kisses you deeply and you both can’t help but moan.

“You’re being such a good girl and taking me so well. You look so beautiful with me filling you.” She whispers to you.

“I’m so close Mel! Fuck!” You yell out.

“Me too baby.” She pants as she thrusts in and out of you. She can tell from your face that you’re about to cum. She thrusts in you a few more times and then says “Cum for me, my beautiful girl.” And you cum all over the strap and she cums seconds later. And then collapses on top of you as you both come down from your orgasms.

“You my dear are truly my sex goddess.” You say as you smile at her laying on your chest.

“Good, then I’m doing my job.” She says softly and winks at you.

“I love ya, ya know.” You say as you stroke her head and kiss her temple.

“I know baby, I love you so much.” She says as she reaches up and caresses your face.

“I would say that’s the best makeup sex I’ve ever had.” You say with a big smile.

“I would definitely agree. But like I said, makeup sex is occasional at most. I hate fighting with you.” She says looking up at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“I know baby. Me too. You’re just too adorable to fight with anyway.” You say with a chuckle.

“I’m only adorable with you. Everyone else I instill fear into their souls!” She says and then chuckles.

“You are rather terrifying in most situations i will say.” You say with a smirk.

“You make me feel safe, ya know. That’s why I’m so soft and loving with you cause you hold space for me where I can bring down my walls and be vulnerable and I know you got me and will love and support me regardless of what I’m feeling on any given day. And that’s a big deal for me. Thank you for being that for me, amore mio.” She says softly and then leans to you and gives you a soft love filled kiss.

“You wanna take a shower together tonight? That way you don’t have to worry about taking one tomorrow morning?” She asks as she pulls out of you, gets up and takes the strap off.

“Awww look at you thinking about future me.” You say as you get up and walk to the bathroom. “You know I’ll never say no to a shower with you.” You say as she follows you into the bathroom.

“You know I always think about you and how I can make your life easier.” She says as she wraps her arms around your waist. She looks at the handy work she did to your neck just moments ago and laughs.

“I’m glad you find the hickeys you gave me so amusing.” You say dripping in sarcasm.

“What can I say, you’ve turned me into a horny teenager all over again! And I just can’t help myself, plus your neck is so irresistible. It makes me laugh because I never felt this way let alone acted like this with anyone even as a kid. And now at 50 years old a little 29 year old comes along and brings it out of me.” She explains as she caresses your neck.

“I love that I brought it out of you.” You say with a smirk.

“Me too baby, me too. Okay shower and then bedtime so you wake up refreshed and ready to embark for Michigan.” She says and then takes you by the hand and into the shower.

You shower and then get into bed, you lie there staring up at the ceiling, feeling sad that you have to be away from Mel for five days.

“You better get your cute ass over here and lay your head on my chest. You know how that helps me fall asleep.” She says as she rolls over to face you.

You roll over and maneuver yourself and place your head on her chest and wrap your arm around her. And you listen to her heart beat and her breathing get slower and slower, as you drift off to sleep in the arms of a woman who is your everything.

“Feel the rain on your skin, no one can feel it for you only you can let it in. No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips. Treat yourself in words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten!” Blares through your phone into the silent room.

“Fuck my life!” You groan into your pillow as you grab the phone off the nightstand to turn off your alarm. You feel soft kisses being placed on your shoulders and up your neck. It’s Mel’s adorable way of making you feel better in the morning cause she knows you’re not a morning person. And it really does make you feel better.

You turn to face her and are met with her gorgeous green eyes which you could get lost in for eternity and you’d be perfectly content with that.

“Good morning angel.” She says with a big smile as she leans in and kisses you softly. You wrap your arms around her and pull her so that your bodies are intertwined with each other.

“Good morning my gorgeous girl.” You say softly as you give her a sleepy smile.

“I just want to stay like this all day. I can’t believe I won’t see you for five days, it’s gonna be so weird. I’m gonna miss ya so much.” She says and then she lays her head on your chest.

“I know baby, me too. I’m gonna miss you so much. But it’ll go by fast and then I’m all yours to do with whatever you like.” You say with a big smirk.

“Ooo I like the sound of that!” She looks up at you seductively. “We both need to get up and get moving princess.” She says and then steals another kiss and then she rips the sheets off of you both and gets up.

“Fine but only cause you said too.” You chuckle and get up.

Once dressed, Mel goes through a mental checklist with you to make sure you have everything packed.

“You are very cute making sure I have everything.” You say as you put your hands on her waist and pull her in for a hug.

“I need to know you’re taken care of even when I’m not there. Not saying you can’t take care of yourself…” She says but is interrupted by you kissing her.

“I know what you meant baby.” You say to her when you break away as you caress her cheek.

“Good! You’re finally getting it through that stubborn head of yours!” She teases and playfully nudges you.

“Yeah, yeah! I should probably call my Uber.” You say in a more somber tone.

“Because I can’t drive you to the airport, will you at least let me pay for your Uber?” She asks with her big puppy dog eyes.

You knew this was just another way of the redhead wanting to take care of you. “Fine. I’ll let you get my Uber. But you better watch out I could get used to this princess treatment!” You teased her.

“Good! Cause you’re getting it for the rest of our lives together!” She quips back with a big smirk.

Mel gets an Uber for you. A few minutes later she’s notified it’s here. You walk arm in arm outside with Mel of course carrying your luggage. Your Uber pulls up and Mel puts your suitcase in the trunk. You look at her and see her eyes fill with tears. You pull her into you for a tight hug.

“I’ll be back before you know it. And you’ll probably realize how nice it is not to have me around.” You tease her and feel her laugh into your neck. “I’m going to miss you so much. And just know that whenever you think about me, I’m probably thinking about you too. I love you so much, sweetheart.” You say as you stroke her head.

“I’m going to miss you more! I love you so much amore mio. Don’t forget to text me when you get to the airport, when you get through security, when you get on the plane, when you land and when you get to home.” She instructs you as she looks at you lovingly.

“Yes ma’am.” You say with a nod and then you pull her in for a deep passionate kiss. When you break away, she gives you one more quick hug and then opens the car door for you, makes sure you buckle up and then gently shuts the car door.

“You ready to go?” Asks the driver.

“Yep.” You say as you roll down the window and wave to Mel. And you look back at her standing in her driveway watching you leave until you can’t see her anymore.

Onward to Michigan, you think to yourself.

[thecherrytarot]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭.

how will they heal you?

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!! 

listen to: love me like that by Sam Kim

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

"you see the world in colours i view it black and white. paint me a picture, out of the lines that i live in all of the time"

They will heal you by letting you shine in your feminine energy, regardless of your gender. With them, you feel in touch with your divine feminine energy and your creative side will shine. They will help you gain strength and for some of you, it could even mean that they give you the strength and confidence to be vulnerable and show emotions. You no longer have to pretend that you are some cold-hearted person that isn't affected by anything. I just saw someone crying alone and then heard a voice say "It is okay, let it out, I am here with you" so take however that resonates. They will help you by showing you the world through a new and better perspective. You will stop looking at life through illusions and negative ways. I feel like in some way or the other they will remind you of your past self, the one that you had to leave behind in order to move forward. They will bring that version of you back and make you believe in a 'magical world' once again.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

"sunshine left today, got caught in the rain, all alone. can you come and pick me up from my blues? or am I late to ask you?"

This might be someone who is a foreigner and/or a long distance and for some of you, you might meet them when studying abroad (either you or them also could be both) I keep thinking about the movie "Like Crazy" where an American guy falls in love with a British student but yours is with a much happier ending. They will heal you by being there for you, life will feel less complicated and you will feel like all that you have been through was worth and now no matter what happens you will rise because now you have someone that has your back. You will get out of your bubble with them and be more sociable and childlike (i keep imaging a bunch of friends driving in a car late at night, listening to indie/alt songs and singing out loud, laughing and having the time of their lives) also instead of how will they heal, I'm getting the message of the connection feels like. There will be a strong psychic connection between you and them, the moment your eyes meet you will know and they will know that this is the "warmth" that you both have been searching for. Like when Lana Del Rey said it in her poem called The land of 1,000 fires, "I have never really fallen in love but whatever this feeling is i wish everyone could experience it."

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

(this pile has a similar message to pile 1, so make sure to check it out in case you felt drawn to it)

"i get defensive and insecure my own worst critic behind a closing door, i'm fragile and fractured, that's for sure, i burned myself down to the ground. oh, can I ask of you to treat me soft and tender, love me hard and true? keep my heart from building walls so high, you can't get through, treat me soft and tender"

They will heal you by helping you love yourself and how you need to give importance to yourself first and that too in a healing manner instead of selfish (your old pattern) You might have thought that you knew how to take care of yourself by prioritizing yourself but still found yourself being stuck in the same old negative cycles, they will help you understand the true and the raw meaning of self-love. They help you by providing the stability that you always desired. I feel like a lot of you were abandoned in the past and after that, you put your guard up and pushed people away from you but then you come across them, and it takes you by surprise because you didn't expect to catch feelings for someone so fast. You found yourself in a dilemma because you have such strong feelings for them and yet, you feel afraid cause you don't want them to abandon you. Don't worry, they will help you get out of your old and no longer-needed mindset of resisting the change that you know will set you free.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Enhypen's Thoughts on Family Life

Okay, I got this recommendation a looong time ago and I finally have time to do this one, so I am guessing the anon wanting to know how they view being Married and having kids and what that all entails. It will also be interesting to see if this correlates with how they grew up. Okay, let's see what I get here.

Heeseung (The Emperor/Death/House 3) Hmm, he will see things more in a logical and rational sense. I see him being pretty strict, which doesn't really give me his vibe. I don't really see him being overly emotional. It is like there are specific ways he will like things done. I feel this was how he was raised, so he will be similar to how his parents raised him. I do see him being a pretty good communicator but can be matter of fact. He does seem like the type who can evolve and change. Why does this Death card make me feel if he has children, he will soften a bit. I think that will help him transform into a better version of himself. Hopefully this makes sense, not the easiest reading for me so far. I just see him wanting to be the dominant force. The man of the house per say.

Jay (The Sun/2 of Pentacles/Scorpio) Aww, he will be a fun and cute dad. I look at this Sun card and see a person lifting up a child. So, his child would be the light of his life, the joy of his life, cute. He would want to juggle his work and his family life. He wouldn't be someone who just works. He will be a big part of his family's life. This Scorpio energy is interesting. I say he is an intense man. I see him needed to learn a lot of lessons as a family man, I am getting a need to learn to let go and release things. There is a lot of healing work he will need to do when he has a family, this could be to his detriment or help him evolve. I sense it will help him evolve.

Jake (8 of Pentacles/6 of Pentacles/House 4) A bunch of pentacles here, bro what is up with that, but no, his looks cute too. He would like stability and a comfort environment. He would like safety and stability. A person to come home too. He would want a family life that is safe and comforting for him. He would like equal give and take, both parties playing their part. He seems like an acts of service type of guy. I got doing his due diligence. He will be a responsible family man, and he is in it for the long haul. I am not really seeing anything about kids here, but then again, I am being pulled towards the nest with two eggs here, so maybe he wants two kids, or that is him and his partner, but overall, he wants safety, comfort and stability. This is kind of cute.

Sunghoon (2 of Wands/Knight of Swords/Libra) Well, spark and chemistry are important. He seems like the type that likes excitement. He will be a fair and just man. A man of honor and dignity. But this Knight of Swords, umm, he is a communicative person but can also be very defensive and argumentative. I am getting, he is a runner, not sure what that means, but he may not always be around. This energy is confusing to be honest. I mean, I see him being considerate of his family. I asked for another card and got the high priestess. I am not sure he wants to share this to be honest, which is weird. This is probably why I am so confused. I am going to move on. I have very little patience to figure this out.

Sunoo (The World/Justice/Saturn/Gemini) This is also weird wtf, why can't they give me simple answers. It is definitely a cycle he needs to complete and fulfill. I feel family life will be difficult for him to be honest. I see lots of therapy sessions here. I honestly don't think Marriage and the family life is for him to be honest, not saying he won't get Married, because you kind of get looked down upon if you don't, so he may just do it, because he has to. I just look at this world card, and it just gives me I shine on my own. I do see him being a lot about communication and talking things through, so it will be a difficult road, but he will do his best to make things work. I feel he believes family life takes work and communication. And he seems pretty matter of fact about it. I am not seeing much about love and romance here. He is giving me more of he sees it as an obligation, more so than anything.

Jungwon (5 of Swords/5 of Wands/Cancer) Yikes, why am I getting all these sad cards for them. I don't see him perceiving family life that great. Ugh, there will be many fights and arguments regarding his family life. With this Cancer energy, Cancers tend to have struggles in their home life, so the energy here makes sense. It is so weird to get this Cancer card, which is about nurture, love and comfort, but you got two of the most aggressive cards along with it. I feel there will be a lot of triggers and wounds that pop up when and if he has a family. I don't see this being a happy environment, and if he has kids, won't be for them either. I just see constant fights. There is this longing for stability, love and comfort for him, but it will be hard to get that. This is sad, man. Why are the younger members giving me these sad ass cards. Maybe, this is just how he perceives it to be like as well, because the question was their thoughts on it, but I felt his would be like this, but maybe he grew up in an environment where there was constant arguing. Or maybe he sees Family life as a headache. Man, I thought his family background was pretty decent, but maybe not.

Ni-Ki (Strength/4 of Swords/Conjunction) I am not sure he has much thought on it to be honest. He would want a strong and stable unit. He would like very little stress. The ability to do his own thing. He would want the bond to be effortless, very little stress and difficulty involved in it. Like it should come easy. This is actually the healthiest mindset I see here. I see him being the type if things flow easily and naturally then that is the family life for him. Like, it should not be hard.

Okay Jay, Jake and Ni-Ki were nice, Heesung's wasn't too bad, but the other three, lord, probably should just be single, but of course, they will all probably force themselves into Marriage and having kids. This energy can change. Free will does exist.

[kopivie]

trick-or-treat.

# — pairing: spidey!kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, spider-man!kazuha

# — warnings: a little suggestive.

# — tags: fluff, kisses (bc who am i if not a madman for kisses), mild hurt/comfort, BANTER YIPPEE!!, this is zuzu's way of making up for the fact that he all but forgot kazuha's birthday, apology fic

# — notes: (PLEASE READ!!) this is... not at all what i intended to do. it's 1:30 am and i just came down from a much needed high. as my head cleared, i noticed that this fic was like, riddled with flaws, but i feel too good about this to second guess it and feel bad. anyways, this is heavily inspired by this fic that 🎻 anon sent in my asks, as well as a follow-up to this fic i wrote on @awlumii last year on kazuha's birthday. i hope you enjoy and please do let me know what you think! i could really use some feedback.

✦ — 🎃 — ✦

There's a knock on your door. You stare at the entry to your apartment and think: "How mean would it be if I ignored them right now?"

In your defense, you've been giving out candy all day. All. Day. You figured that there would at least have been a lull in the early afternoon since children had school to attend, but no — you've been giving out candy to all ages from as early as 10:30 this morning. It's a good thing you stocked up on candy late last month, otherwise you would've had to ruin the days of some very enthusiastic trick-or-treaters. So after setting aside a bucket full of your favorites and giving out the leftovers until about 10 at night, you finally thought yourself ready to curl up on your bed with your softest blanket. You were halfway to dreamland when some monster started pounding on your door.

(So maybe you're exaggerating a little. But who could blame you? You're tired and you want to sleep.)

And so, here you sit, your legs half-tangled in your weighted fleece blanket as you glare at your door and hope that your unwanted visitor is telepathic and gets the message that you want them to leave. Scram! you think. You raise your voice in your head. Get out of here. Shoo! Begone!

…They knock again. (Kind of a dick move if they can read minds.)

The groan you let out is obnoxiously loud and is most definitely heard by whoever is on the other side of the door. You hoist yourself to your feet and trudge to the door, but you don't open it quite yet. Judging by the fact that this person has yet to say anything, you figure that they're old enough to know when their presence is not welcome and left.

Wrong. You're too optimistic. They knock again.

You sigh and once again, hope that the sound carries through the door. "Who is it?" You try to make yourself sound as unfriendly as possible. Considering how cranky you are, you don't have to try very hard.

"Trick-or-treat..?" The voice on the other side is muffled by the door, but also by something else. Fabric, probably. All you know is that their voice is deep enough to be an adult's.

You click your tongue. "Trick." You almost snicker. It's a little refreshing not doling out treats for once. "Go home."

"Can I at least give you a treat?" The person asks.

You blink. They didn't leave? "Pretty sure that's not how it works," you reply. "I give you treats and you… I dunno, TP my house or something."

"Yeah, well," the person at the door chuckles, "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say 'trick', either. Since you're breaking the rules, it's only fair that it's my turn, right?"

Well… Shit. They have a point.

Impressed by the stranger's reasoning, you hum. "Fine. Let me find my costume." You turn to gather your costume and notice that you can't find the full thing. You were so eager to get to bed that you didn't hesitate to drop the thing in the wash. Not wanting to make the stranger wait too long, you improvise. You blindly grab the mask and the blue throw blanket you have folded up on your couch and tie it around your shoulder like a cape. It's a shitty excuse for a costume, but you reason that your exhaustion is a good excuse. You swing open the door and cross your arms over your chest. "Alright, what do you got for-- Oh."

Standing on the other side of your door is none other than Spider-Man himself. The two of you stand in silence as you take in each other's appearances. Then, after what feels like forever, he speaks. "So… a cape, huh?"

You don't hesitate — you grab your door and swing the thing shut as fast as you can, but Spider-Man is faster, catching the door in his gloved hand. You turn your back to him. The mask is obscuring his face, but you already know what expression he has underneath. "Don't say a word." You warn him.

Spider-Man pays you no mind. You can feel him lifting your 'cape' as he inspects it. "Hmm… capes are kinda aerodynamic, but considering how dirty my enemies fight, I don't think that's a very good design choice." You can hear the shit-eating grin in his voice. "I'll give it a five out of ten."

"I said shut it!" You snatch your blanket out of his hands and march further into your apartment with Spider-Man's laughter following at your back. He walks inside and the door shuts behind the two of you. "Get the fuck out, webhead," you seethe. Your voice trembles with shame. "I didn't invite you in."

Spider-Man just walks around you to look you in the eye. "Come now, lovebug," he tilts your chin up with a finger, "you look cute wearing my mask."

You grumble and push his hand away as you struggle for words. You want to say something like, "this isn't what it looks like!" to try and save face, but there's no point in trying. This is exactly what it looks like.

Because the mask you'd been wearing for Halloween -- and the mask you haphazardly thrown on moments ago -- was none other than Spider-Man's mask.

To be fair, these things were a dime a dozen. The people of this city adore the vigilante. It was only natural that kids and adults alike would want to pretend to be him for a day, even if they had no powers like him. You're not exactly one of those people — you've seen firsthand just how brutal Spider-Man's job can be. You wouldn't trade your life for his even if you were offered money. But as you stared at the costume while shopping, you couldn't help yourself. There were obviously cooler, much more interesting costumes to choose from but this one just… called to you.

Hindsight is 20/20, after all. You should've ignored that calling.

Spider-Man takes your chin in his fingers and shakes your head side to side. "I never knew you liked me so much, lovebug. I'm touched."

You scoff. "Don't be."

"Y'know, if you wanted to wear my mask so badly, you could've just asked." Spider-Man leans in and presses a clothed kiss to your cheek. You consider yourself lucky; he can't possibly feel the burn of your cheeks through all that fabric.

You stammer. "Ha-ha. Very funny."

"What? I'm sure I have a back up somewhere." He eyes you for a moment. "You'd look good in it."

Against your will, you wonder if he's saying that he wants you to wear his clothes. Would he ever actually loan you clothes that he's worn? The thought makes your face burn hotter. "Why are you here?" You ask. Anything to change the topic.

Spider-Man chuckles, but plays along. "I haven't swung by in a few days," he says, "so I figured I'd try and surprise you as a trick-or-treater." He shrugs. "I wanted to do some reverse psychology thing where I could trick you into thinking I was just some guy in a costume so you would give me candy."

You process his words for a second. "Okay, first of all, you already are a guy in a costume."

He visibly deflates and places a hand over his chest. "Ouch, lovebug. What if you hurt my feelings?"

"Second of all," you continue, "do you have any idea how many Spider-Men I've seen today?"

"...Is that a serious question?"

"Don't be a smart ass."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess twelve."

You pause. You actually aren't even sure if that's the right number or not. You lost count after three hours of giving out candy to cute kids.

"Am I right?" He asks.

"Who knows?"

Spider-Man huffs. "If there's that many of us around, then what am I even here for?" You giggle at his petulant behavior, and he makes another breathy sound, reminiscent of a stifled laugh. "Did you treat them the same way you treat me?"

"What?" His question takes you off-guard for a moment. You chortle. "Oh, definitely."

"You gave them band-aids and kicked them out, too?"

"Mhm." You cross your arms. "Just slapped a few on some pretend wounds and told them to get the fuck off my property."

The two of you laugh together for a moment. Once the laughter dies down, Spider-Man tugs at your cheek for a brief second. You let him get away with it for now. "You're so cute." He sighs and you can hear something somber enter his tone. "I was worried about you. It's been a week since I've seen you."

It has been a week, hasn't it? You may have been swamped with work at the hospital, but there was never a night that you didn't find yourself waiting on your balcony like an idiot in this chilly weather. You had faith that he was okay — the Daily Bugle printed something new about the "masked menace" every day this past week — but that didn't stop you from longing for his presence. Stories can't compare to the real thing, after all. You're far more taken with the masked vigilante than you'd care to admit to yourself.

You hum. "About time someone else did the worrying for once," you mumble jokingly. "It gets tiring worrying all by myself."

Spider-Man stays quiet. "I've been okay. A little worse for the wear for the past two days, but okay otherwise."

You reach for him instinctively. "Lingering pain isn't like you," you say, already in doctor-mode, "did something happen?"

"No, not like that. I've just been… sad. I guess." His confession is soft as he takes your outstretched hands in his own. He's been more vulnerable around you lately and you're not sure if that's good or bad. "It's been a rough couple of days, that's all."

You rack your brain. What could possibly be paining him that you don't know of? He's already told you that he tells you everything (within reason), so maybe it's something that you already know of? You furrow your brows as you dive deeper into your memory. Deeper, deeper… until you happen across a memory from just about a year ago.

The kiss you shared on your balcony close to midnight.

"Oh my God." You voice your incredulity aloud. "Oh my God! I missed your birthday!"

Spider-Man straightens his posture as he inhales sharply.

How could you have forgotten? He confessed to you on his birthday last year that you were the only person he had left in his life since he hated his birthday so much. October 29th was such a painful day for him — to think that you didn't stop for a second to wonder if he was okay that day. It's not like you would've been able to contact him of course, but what if he swung by after you'd fallen asleep? You should've at least left him a note or something.

"Don't beat yourself up over it, lovebug." The confidence is starting to bleed out of him, you notice. Spider-Man walks over to your couch and sits on the floor in front of it. "I'll be okay. It's not like I was going to celebrate or anything."

You move to the couch and adjust yourself so that the vigilante is between your legs. You two often assume this position when you're finished patching him up and too tired to goof around until he leaves. You would place your hands on his head and press your fingers into the fabric of his mask. Spider-Man told you once that the action was soothing, but you have yet to admit to him that it's your way of trying to conjure up an image of what his hair must look like underneath.

Like always, he gets himself into position, draping his arms across your legs. This time, however, he's looking up at you. You're not sure what expression he might be wearing.

"I wasn't saying that we should've celebrated," you say softly. "I'm just upset that you had to be alone. Are you sure you're okay?" You ask as you massage your fingers across the crown of his head.

He hums. "I am now. I promise."

"If you're ever feeling down, you know you can come and see me." Your words surprise the both of you, but you don't regret them at all. He always seems to be around when you need his company the most, so why shouldn't you do the same for him? Who else would? your mind unhelpfully supplies. "I may not be the best company in the world, but at least you won't be alone, right?"

Spider-Man moves so that he's on his knees facing you. He's so close to your face like this; you inch backwards to preserve your sanity. "You're the only company I need." He says it with so much conviction that you shiver. "But does this mean I'm getting special treatment?"

"What--? You mean from the other Spider-Men?" When he nods, you snort. "Yeah, I guess you do get V.I.P privileges. You get extra treats unlike everyone else."

"Extra?" He tilts his head. "But you haven't given me any candy at all."

You raise a brow. "All that's left is the candy I'm hoarding for myself. And before you ask, no, I'm not sharing any. Why don't you try actually trick-or-treating? People would probably give the city hero the best of the best."

He sinks a little lower, seeming defeated. "...Would you believe me if I said I tried that already?"

"Did it work?"

He's silent.

"...It didn't work, did it?"

"...No. They thought I was just some superfan."

Peals of laughter burst out of you at his admission. "So this is how they repay you, huh?" You say between giggles. "No faith and no candy? That's rough, buddy." You get the distinct impression that he's glaring at you, but that only makes you laugh harder.

Fed up with your insistence on laughing at his misfortune, Spider-Man taps your leg. "Since I get special treatment from you, can I ask for a few wishes?"

You wipe a stray tear from your eye. "I'm dressed as a superhero, not a magic genie."

"Please?"

"Fine, fine." You finally catch your breath. "You get two wishes.

"Not three?"

"I'm not a genie. Don't push it."

Spider-Man puts his hands up in defense. "Alright, two it is. The first is… let me stay with you for the rest of the night."

You shrug. Wouldn't be the first time. He's usually gone by the time you wake up, anyhow. "Granted. Next one's your last — make it count, bug boy."

Spider-Man doesn't react to your nickname. Instead, he just stares at you. A familiar sensation tickles up your spine. He's watching you; you know that stare all too well. "I think you know what I'm going to ask for next." His voice is deeper, smoother than it was mere moments ago.

You nod and he eases himself closer to you. You feel your heart pick up an unsteady rhythm and rather than kiss him normally, you lean in close and press your masked lips to his. He makes a surprised noise before he laughs and melts into the "kiss" all the same. When you pull away, he's still laughing. A very welcome change from the bitter smile you're sure he was wearing when talking about his birthday. "Consider that a freebie," you mutter.

"You're too kind," he chuckles.

Soon, your fingers come to the base of his mask to raise it just above his lips when he suddenly stops you. He reaches for your face and you feel something tug at the base of your neck. Somehow, you completely forgot you were wearing that stupid mask. "It's kinda funny," he half-laughs, "having to unmask you for once."

"You... You can't tell anyone about my identity, okay?" You tease.

Spider-Man rolls your mask up just enough to expose your lips and you do the same to him. Neither of you are sure who leaned in first, but you meet in the middle in a kiss that has fireworks bursting behind your lids. The two of you are greedy, pouring a week's worth of longing into the kiss. The mutual yearning is palpable, so much so that you can hear his breath hitch when you sigh. He rises to the couch slowly and without breaking the kiss, doing his best not to part from you for even a second.

You missed him. Oh, how you missed him — you missed how he would wrap a strong arm around your waist and pull you closer like it was nothing; how he would whisper his adoration for you between breaths; how he would chase after your lips whenever you would tease him with barely-there kisses. You missed the exhilaration, the thrill of knowing that you were the only one Spider-Man would ever treat this way. That you were his and he was yours.

He moves from your lips to your jaw, trailing kisses up to your ear and down to your neck. His pace is unhurried, though he seems eager to pull a reaction out of you. You give him what he wants whether you intend to or not. You press yourself closer to him in a silent request for more and he indulges you; his kisses become little nips, and the nips turn to bites as he starts to leave marks on your neck. He eases you back so that you're laying on your couch and he's hovering over you. The two of you stare at each other for a moment.

"Can I use my next wish?" His voice is rough. When you nod, he leans in once more. His uncovered lips brush against your ear as he whispers. "Let me give you a treat."

Something foreign yet familiar makes you shudder as you nod.

Spider-Man attacks your neck once again. Clearly he was holding himself back earlier, because every mark he leaves stings. He makes them dark and obvious, completely disregarding any warnings you may have given him on other days. You normally would tell him to ease up, to hide the marks that he so desperately wanted to leave on you. But now you let him do as he pleases. You gave him an inch and as expected, he took the mile. He soothes each one with a kiss and muffles your whimpers with his lips.

It takes a while before he's satisfied with his handiwork. Kazuha raises himself up with a shaky breath. Your wrists are in his hands and pinned against the couch. Looking down at you now, all flushed absolutely covered in his marks, he feels something uncontrollable stir within him. He has half a mind to tell you to close your eyes so he can take his mask off, but he refrains.

That's all he ever does when it comes to you. You, the greatest test of his endurance that he will ever encounter in his lifetime. No supervillain with any amount of underground connections or otherworldly technology will ever test his patience and restraint quite like you. For years, Kazuha has weighed the pros and cons of telling you who he is. He always wonders if you would still allow this, if you would still treat him like a lover if you knew who he was — if you knew that he's been lying to you. Though your reaction may not be guaranteed, it's a risk he's more than willing to take.

But he doesn't. Not tonight. Maybe another day when the time is right.

For now, Kazuha releases your wrists and sits himself up. He fixes his mask while you take yours off. You sit up and he watches as you ghost your fingers over each of your fresh hickies. You wince a little when you brush the one on the left side of your collarbone, above your heart. The silence that hangs in the air is evident, but not uncomfortable.

Then, you mutter. "I was supposed to give you a treat."

Kazuha reaches out and touches a hickey left on your pulse point. A sensitive spot for you – you shudder in response. He admires the lingering haze in your eyss. "You did. Thank you, lovebug."

✧ my goodness. @perpetualcynicism look at what you've done. you've reawakened a monster in me.

✧ edit: btw, the dividers belong to @cafekitsune!! thanks so much for making such beautiful dividers!

[you-aint-gotta-pray-for-me]

Hell on Earth: Chapter 2

Masterlist

words: 2.5k

pairing: Steve Harrington x ex-friend!Henderson!reader (eventually romantic)

summary: With no word on the whereabouts of Barbara Holland, an unlikely friendship forms as a result of shared desperation and a need for answers.

timeline: set in season one right after Will goes missing

warnings: language, bending of canon, fic from reader's pov (3rd person will be there as well, will warn before a pov change if there is one)

a/n: 2nd chapter let's go!!! steve and (y/n) interaction yay, and we make a new friend so double yay to that, if you haven't read chapter 1 yet, now's the time babes. happy reading!

Reader POV

I wish I could say my night ended after I met Barb. I really do. Instead, I found my idiot brother’s bed empty when I got home, meaning he was out and about at midnight after I explicitly told him not to. I mean, I did expect this, so I don’t even know why I was disappointed. I groaned at the fact that I’d have to drive all the way back and look for him in the woods. Responsibility is kind of a bitch. Just as I was leaving my house to get to my car, I heard a window close shut. Busted. 

“Dustin Henderson. I gave you ONE job!”

Dustin froze mid-step, halfway through pulling off his sneakers. His eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “Shit.”

“Yeah, shit,” I said, crossing my arms. “What were you thinking? It’s the middle of the night! Where were you?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at me. “Nowhere. Just… hanging out.”

“In the woods?” I pressed, raising an eyebrow. “At midnight?”

“Okay, fine!” he blurted, hands shooting up defensively. “I don’t know what you expected me to do, (y/n),” he argued.“I couldn’t just sit here doing nothing.”

I sighed in defeat and looked away. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Did you find anything?”

“Nothing of importance. Just useless stuff, the usual.” Lies. Complete lies. I see right through you, Dustin Henderson. 

I nodded, faking satisfaction at his miserable attempt at convincing me. 

“Go to bed. And if I catch you sneaking around next time,” I warned, hoping he took the hint. 

“Yeah, yeah. Wait that just means I don’t have to get caught.”

“Dustin.”

“I’m out.” 

I stood there for a moment, watching as Dustin disappeared into his room, shutting the door behind him with the kind of finality that made it clear I wasn’t getting anything else out of him tonight. Typical. 

I headed to my room and locked the door, but sleep didn’t come easily. My mind was already racing with a million little things that were troubling me. No word of what happened to Will, the cycle on Mirkwood, Dustin’s terrible attempt at lying, Barb all alone. It was all too sudden, you know? It feels like a premonition. Something waiting to go wrong. I guess I’ll just have to see. 

~

The next morning at school, I was still in a fog when I rounded the corner to my locker and nearly walked straight into Steve. Of course, that’d happen, seeing how the universe loves me.

“Watch it, nimrod,” he said, walking past me and not even turning around to look at who he almost bumped into. The audacity of some people, I swear to god.

I shot him a glare and replied with the fakest sincerity I could muster. “I’m sorry, your highness. I didn’t see you there.” 

He turned around when he heard my voice. “Oh, you,” he muttered like he was finally registering who I was.

I raised an eyebrow. “Disappointed to see me, yeah?”

He winced. “No, I didn’t- wait, no, that didn’t come out right. What I meant was... I didn’t know it was you, okay? We haven’t- I’ve mis- I, uh,”

“Just watch where you’re going, Harrington.”

“Oh, we’re on a last-name basis now?”

“We’re on a no-name basis now. Leave me alone.” As much fun as it used to be, the banter and the back and forth, he wasn’t the same guy anymore. And as much as I missed him, I was not giving him the satisfaction of being in my company.

“I was looking for you,” he blurted, with a sudden seriousness in his voice while walking back toward where I was standing. Wait, what? 

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you sure you have the right person? My name is (Y/n). (Y/n).”

“Don’t- Don’t do that. Come on.” 

“I’m sorry I just thought you wouldn’t remember who I was. It’s not like we’re friends, right?” I asked, mentally shuddering at how cold that sounded. Damn, (y/n), didn’t know you had it in you. 

Steve hesitated, visibly uncomfortable with my bluntness, but he didn’t back down. “Look, I know things between us aren’t… I’m not a uh,” he hesitated, scratching the back of his neck. “But that’s not exactly what I wanted to talk about.”

I gave him a skeptical look. “Oh? And what exactly did you want to talk about?”

“Look, I know you’re mad at me and all. But is throwing my gift to you in my swimming pool really the best course of action? I mean, it’s a low blow, don’t y-”

“Back up, what?”

“Your copy of The Shining. I found it in my pool this morning.” 

Steve handed me a soggy, waterlogged book, the edges curling up like it had just been through a hurricane. The familiar cover, the same one I had given to Barb the night before, was barely recognizable beneath the damage.

My fingers froze on the wet, warped pages. I stared at him, then back at the book, trying to make sense of what was happening. “What the hell, Steve?” I muttered, still in disbelief as I skimmed through the damp pages. My mind raced. Barb. That was the same damn book I’d handed her.

“Okay, judging by your reaction I am going to guess you did not put it there, which means you either lost it, which I get, you know, common mistake, or you gave it to someone, which I have to admit, hurts a little bi-”

“Steve shut up.”

“Okay,” Steve muttered, clearly thrown off by my reaction.

The hallway was nearly empty, the only sound being the faint hum of lockers creaking and students murmuring in the distance. It felt strangely quiet, like time had slowed for just a moment. I wasn’t sure if it was the empty space or just the gravity of the situation, but my stomach tightened.

“When did you find it?”

“This morning. Why, what’s wrong?” His eyes narrowed, and for once, he wasn’t smirking or trying to play it off. Something in his tone shifted- he seemed genuinely concerned now.

“I gave this to Barb,” I said, my voice quieter this time, more uncertain. I didn’t know why, but my stomach dropped even lower. Something didn’t sit right.

“Nancy’s friend Barb?” Steve asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Yes,” I answered, frustration creeping in. “Was she there when Nancy left this morning?” My voice came out almost in a whisper, like I was afraid of the answer.

“No, Nancy left last night. Alone. I just assumed she left a bit before.” 

“Only she didn’t leave. She was waiting for Nancy.”

“Wait, Nancy mentioned something. She called the Hollands this morning.”

“And?”

“I don’t think Barb went home last night.” Steve’s response felt like a punch to the gut. Barb never came home. I swallowed hard, my throat tightening. Something was off– way off– and now, it seemed like we were all tangled up in something bigger than either of us realized.

“(Y/n), is everything okay?”

“Steve, I think Barb’s missing.”

~

I raced home after school as soon as I could. I tried Holland’s place once more just for good measure. No luck. This meant that Barb really was missing, and just the thought made me shudder. How long after I left did she go missing? Was she in danger? Could I have stopped it if I had waited a little longer? Worse, Could it have been me? 

The only way I was getting any answers was if I went looking for it, and the only way for me to do that was to start by asking someone who may already have some.

I hesitated for a moment, then dialed Nancy’s number.

“Yeah, Is this the Wheeler’s? I’m looking for Nancy.”

“This is Nancy. Who am I speaking with?”

“Nancy, hey, this is (Y/n) from school,” I said, trying my best not to sound as awkward as I felt. How are you supposed to keep it together while talking to someone you’ve never talked to before? God. I was just happy this was happening over the phone.

“Oh! Hey, how can I help you?” she asked, trying her best to sound less confused.

“Yeah, listen,” I cleared my throat. “Have you heard from Barb lately? I– I’ve been trying to reach her, but no one seems to know where she is. I just... I’m really worried.”

There was a long pause on the other end.

“No, I haven’t.” Nancy’s voice grew more serious. “(Y/n), I think Barb’s missing. I’ve been trying to get some answers, but so far everything’s a dead end.”

I felt a wave of relief mixed with dread. At least I wasn’t the only one worried.

“Yeah, I was kind of hoping you’d know something I didn’t,” I said quietly. 

“Do you know anything? When was the last you heard from her?”

I debriefed her about the notes, the pool, and the book and caught her up until this morning, and to my horror, Nancy Wheeler, who I had had a full conversation with barely 2 times before today broke down crying over the phone. I was not trained for this. Oh God. 

“This was my fault. This was all my fault. I–”

“Nancy–  Nancy, breathe.”

“I mean, what was I thinking? I forced her to come, I just– I– Oh, god. I did this. I–”

I rushed to calm her down, my heart pounding. Nancy’s voice was cracking, like it was going to break any second, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was feeling right now. But I had to try. Barb was missing. That was the real thing to focus on, not guilt. Because if both of us go down that rabbit hole, there was no coming out.

“Nancy, listen to me,” I said, trying to steady my own breathing. “It’s not your fault. You had a momentary lapse. It’s fine. It happens. We don’t know what really happened yet. We’re going to figure this out. We’ll find her. Okay? Breathe.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from her end, followed by a shaky sigh. She tried to compose herself, but it was clear how rattled she was.

“I just… I should’ve told her to stay home. I should’ve done something.” She sniffled, and it twisted something inside me hearing her so vulnerable.

“You can’t change what happened,” I said, my voice firm, even though I was feeling just as lost as she was. “But you can help find her now. That’s what matters.”

There was a moment of silence, and I could hear her trying to pull herself together.

“Right,” she finally said, her voice quieter now, but still full of that underlying resolve I’d come to recognize. “Right. We need to find Barb. That’s what matters.”

“Exactly.” I took a deep breath, mentally bracing myself. “Now, do you know anyone who might have seen her? Or... anything that could help?”

“I’m trying to put the pieces together,” Nancy said, her tone more controlled now, though it still held a hint of fear. “But I need someone to help me look into it. If you’re serious about this, I could use the extra set of eyes.”

“I’m in,” I said, without hesitation. “We’ll figure this out. Together.”

“I’m glad you called,” Nancy whispered. “I don’t know what to do without someone else to help me right now.”

“I’ve got your back,” I said, my voice steady, even though my insides were churning. “Let’s go get Barb home.”

There was a pause before Nancy spoke again, her voice determined now. “We will. We have to.”

~

I didn’t get much sleep after my call with Nancy. Between replaying her words and trying to piece together Barb’s last known whereabouts, my brain was in overdrive. By the time I got to school the next morning, I was running on nothing but adrenaline and bad coffee.

Nancy was waiting by her locker when I arrived, looking just as sleep-deprived as I felt. Her eyes were red, like she’d spent most of the night crying, but there was a new resolve in her expression.

“Hey,” she said quietly when she saw me.

“Hey,” I replied, matching her tone. “Any updates?”

She shook her head, biting her lip. “No. But I have an idea.”

I leaned against the locker next to hers, crossing my arms. “I’m listening.”

“Jonathan said Mrs Byers thinks a creature took Will. Something not human.”

“That’s… concerning.”

Nancy glanced around, lowering her voice. “Get this. Jonathan was taking pictures at Steve’s party that night.”

I frowned. “Jonathan? What was he doing at the party?”

“Unimportant. The point is, we have pictures,” she said, hoping I’d pick up on what she was implying. 

“Wait, that’s great, if Barb went missing the same way Will did, that might tell us something.”

“Exactly. As soon as we piece them together, we may actually have something.”

“Why are they in pieces?” I asked, confused.

“Fine, if you must know, Jonathan took some compromising pictures of me that may or may not have ended up in Steve’s hands which resulted in, well, these,” she said, pointing to the torn pictures, “and a broken camera.”

“... My God.”

Nancy’s words hung in the air like the aftermath of a storm, her cheeks faintly flushed with embarrassment. She fidgeted with the strap of her bag, avoiding my gaze for a moment before forcing herself to look up.

“I know how it sounds,” she added quickly, her voice edged with defensiveness, “but he wasn’t being a creep. Not really. He’s just— he was trying to figure out what happened to Will. He thought… I don’t know. Maybe the pictures could help.”

The weight of her words hit me like a punch to the gut. “You really think it’ll show that thing?”

“I think it’s the only real lead we’ve got.” Her voice was firm now, steady despite the emotion flickering in her red-rimmed eyes. “But I wanted to tell you first. Before we did anything with them.”

I crossed my arms, taking a deep breath. The logical part of me screamed this was messy, risky, and wrong. But the desperate part of me, the part that wanted answers just as much as she did, couldn’t ignore the possibility.

“Okay,” I said finally. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Nancy exhaled, relief softening her features for the briefest of moments before she handed me the torn photos. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I swear, we’ll make this right.”

And as I held the pieces in my hands, I realized we were both in way over our heads—but at least we weren’t alone.

[littlemelaninfics]

Mistaken Identity

Warnings: angst, soft!dom Carmy

The Bear kitchen was hot as usual. The doors for lunch open in 37 minutes and like everyday the tension was high.

Carmy is snaking through the kitchen making sure everything and everyone are where they're supposed to be,

"Where are the t-bones?! I should have 5 t-bone steaks trimmed and prepped on this station!" Carmy yelled as he slammed his hand on the metal table grabbing everyone's attention.

"Someone thought it would be a good a idea to test a new wine glaze and pushed back the steak prep," Sydney informed her boss.

"Who?"

Sydney slowly looked to her left with Carmy's hard gaze following, only to be met with a "nonchalant" Richie,

"Oh c'mon! What the fuck, Sydney! Fuckin snitch," Richie whined as he threw his hands up.

"If you think I'm going to stand here and let anybody else get chewed out because of your idiocracy, you are dumber than I thought-"

"I'm not dumb, Sydney! I had a great idea and it would've worked perfectly if I was in the right environment. Can't do shit with you toxic people around me."

"You make it toxic by making people fall behind! You don’t think of anyone else but yourself-"

"I was thinking of the whole restauarant when I started back there so don't even start that with me!" Richie yelled in defense.

The two started overlapping each other and getting louder and louder before Carmy had enough,

"Alright. Alright. ALRIGHT! Fucking ENOUGH! Jesus,” Carmy said cutting both of them off.

“Next person to fuck up my prep is so fucked-" he didn’t even let himself finish the sentence before sighing deeply and starting another,

“Y/n, grab and prep the t-bones before you do anything else.” The look he gave you sent shivers down your spine and you nodded your head slightly. He gave everyone else their orders before storming past Richie,

“Kill the fucking heat, grab the cutting board and dice onions.” Richie rolled his eyes at the grunt work.

Carmy grabbed the rag off his shoulder and wiped his brow,

“Gimmie that shit,” he said pointing to the “glaze” on the stove. Richie handed the pan to his cousin in way that would’ve been fine, but today he grabbed for it without looking.

"Why the fuck would you hand me a hot pan?! Huh?"

“Maybe if you were looking-"

“Shut the fuck up, Richie!”

You heard the commotion and headed towards the noise. You saw Carmy holding his hand and rushed over to help him. You tried to guide him to the sink when his wrath turned to you,

“What, what, what!? What the fuck do you want!?”

“I’m-um. You got burned so-"

“So what!? I told where to be so why aren’t you there!?”

“I was just trying to help you,” your voice was very low. His tone was one you connected with your head chef, but the look in his eyes was definitely something more personal.

“Chef, did I or did I not tell you to prep those steaks?” All you could do was stare back at him with a head full of nothing.

“When I tell you to do something, you do it. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes..”

It’s like he can see you malfunctioning on whether to say “yes chef” or “yes daddy” because in two seconds of you not answering, he’s standing at full height and licking his lips,

“Get out of my sight and into the back,” he said in a very low tone that had the rest of staff looking around for confirmation from one another. You stumble backwards a few steps before regaining your footing and beelining for the office.

You kick yourself for being so stupid. You knew better than to get caught up like that. In the middle of your one on one scolding, the office door flung open and was slammed shut again. You stood up from leaning against the desk and met him face to face. Your eyes wanted to scan the rest of his features, but his were set so you didn’t dare avert yours.

The tension became too much and you broke,

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“You got hurt and I didn’t think-"

“For what?” Carmy reiterated.

You looked at him confused before he got the hint,

“For getting distracted.”

“For getting distracted,” you repeated. The eye contact continued and so did you,

“I don’t like seeing you get hurt,” you said hanging your head low. Carmy could see it in the kitchen, but this just solidified that you were slipping into a space reserved for outside of work.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m fine. Okay? I promise. But if we’re gonna keep doing this, then you have to behave. Got it?”

“Yes, Daddy,” you said with a wide grin growing.

“Good girl.”

a/n: carmy berzatto aka just jeremy allen white period has been living in my head. this man is 5’7 with a 6’9 personality of bde 🍆

[huggywuggysuppy]

Cleo & Gem Drabble WL Ep 4

Conversation/argument about Gem's grudge for Pearl.

Gem journeyed out to chop wood near the new G’s base, several paces from the main river. She needed lots of dark oak wood, and didn’t want to stray too close to the pale forest. As she labored away, she kept looking over her shoulder or hesitating on a swing or even just a gnawing buzz behind her eyes. She was trying to acclimate to the normal game speed, but everything felt off. Too slow.

A few trees in, Cleo approached, picking their way through the fallen branches and bunches of leaves. “Hey Gem! Whatcha up to?”

“Cleo!” Gem paused to greet them, resting her axe on her shoulder. “Just gathering wood. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. I’m taking a break from building: need to clear my head.” Cleo settled in, sitting on a stump Gem had left. They pulled out some logs of their own, lazily stripping them as they talked.

“I bet. Pretty ambitious to build a whole new base this late in.”

“Well, we were expecting to have more time. But, y’know.” Clean lines of bark began gathering at Cleo’s feet. They smiled wryly. “At least the Spanners dug out a basement for us.”

Gem snorted. “I’m glad Mumbo succeeded at least once -- he spent most of the session failing to catch me!”

“Aww, I’m proud of him. Scott can handle being a life down.” Cleo pointed their blade at Gem. “He was this close to giving it to one of us!”

“Of course he was.”

They both shook their heads in exasperation. And a little sadness. The tree Gem was working on shuddered and groaned, taking its sweet time as it fell to the forest floor. She started hacking away at it. Cleo sat back, staring up at the canopy of leaves.

“BigB betrayed us.”

Gem took a step back from the trunk, frowning. Cleo was still looking up, throat bobbing as they swallowed.

“I’m sorry. That must hurt.”

“Yeah.” Cleo let out a long sigh. And when they looked back, their eyes were sharp. “But we’ll get him back worse.”

They both went back to their labors. For a while, there was a lapse in conversation. Not quite uncomfortable, but a sort of mutual grief. The air was thick with the weight of the next session, and the one after, and the one after that. They could be kind, but never allies. Not this time.

Cleo’s blade hesitated on the next stroke. “Is that what you’re planning to do with Pearl?”

Immediately, Gem got defensive. Of course, Scott won’t leave her alone about apologizing, now Cleo was trying. They couldn’t enjoy even this moment as friends.

“I stand by my decisions.” Gem narrowed her eyes. “Are you here to call me crazy?”

“No!” Cleo looked a little horrified. “Never.”

“Yeah.” She drove her axe deep into the trunk. “Just look what it’s done to Pearl.”

“…You don’t actually think she’s crazy, right?”

“Of course not.” Gem yanked her blade out with too much force. “I’m talking about her reputation for being ‘unstable.’ Having to ‘control her better’ and all.”

“Right.”

Cleo cut another length off the log, face pinched in guilt. No doubt since they contributed to that reputation. Not that Gem wasn’t enabling it either. Everything felt so layered here: always trying to convince someone they’re wrong or that you’re right. The social game sucked. And here she was playing it anyway.

“It’d be easier if she was.” Gem started. “Crazy, I mean. It’d make things less personal.”

Quietly, Cleo nodded, urging her to continue. The leaves swirled around Gem, drawing slow patterns, crinkling and taking their sweet time falling. She chopped another chunk off the trunk.

“She made her choice.” Gem swallowed. “Really thought it out too, it wasn’t heat of the moment or anything.”

“Mmm.” Cleo hummed. “I’m sure you’ve heard her reasoning.”

“What, that she was closer to Scar? That’s the whole point, Cleo!” Gem inhaled sharply. “She chose him over me, and it wasn’t even a competition. We were never allied!”

Everything felt a little too fast now. The bubbling of the river was near boiling. The birds were too high pitched. Her breath came too quickly.

“No matter how much I thought we were.” She finished quietly.

Cleo looked sadly at her. Gem slumped, wedging her axe in the wood and falling onto the log next to it. She drew her fingers through her hair, taking deep breaths. After a while, Cleo spoke, choosing their words carefully.

“I mean I’m not one to talk about holding grudges, but don’t you think this is a bit… cruel?”

“What?” Her voice was dry.

“She already won. Well, Scar won. But hating her now only hurts you both.”

Seriously? Yeah, Cleo can’t talk. Besides, the only reason they’re trying to calm Gem down is to benefit the G’s. Everyone wants to be allies, part of the family, under her protection, and it’s exhausting.

“I hurt her too badly, okay?” Gem threw her hands up. “Killed her and her allies too many times. I deserved to be backstabbed, is that what you want?”

“No, Gem!” Cleo exclaimed. They dropped their tools and jabbed a finger at her. “Pearl was mad at you from that, and she got her revenge, and let it go that season. You wronged her, she got her catharsis. You’re the one dragging it into the next.”

Her nails curled into the trunk, splinters digging into skin. Gem wasn’t hating her for no reason! Pearl hurt her, and hadn’t really apologized for it, and now everyone was calling her petty and ridiculous for not letting it go!

“So it is my fault.” Gem hissed. “I’m rightfully punished for killing her, but when I’m hurt by her, I’m the villain again.”

“No, Gem, that’s not—“

“I deserve my revenge too.” Gem crossed her arms. “Or catharsis, or whatever.”

“Okay, how?!” Cleo shouted. They’d risen halfway off the stump, steps away from lunging at Gem. Furiously, they sat back down, voice sharp. “What’s your win condition? Otherwise you’re just a bitter, mean--”

“Apologize.” Gem cut them off. How dare Cleo lecture her on forgiveness. “If she actually talked to me about it, genuinely apologized, I’d consider it.”

Cleo scowled. Yet, the tension leaked out of them. It wasn’t like they could apologize on Pearl’s behalf. The violence in the air, charged with electricity, died without the words to sustain it.

Reluctantly, Gem stood, pulling her axe out and half-heartedly resuming her work. Now, the silence was agonizing. A pang of guilt went through Gem. But Cleo had brought it up first.

(But Gem had hurt Pearl first.)

“I’m sorry.” Cleo breathed, picking up her tools. Resigned.

Gem closed her eyes. “She needs to know that she hurt me too.”

“I think she knows that much by now.” Cleo murmured.

A few more chunks of wood split off the log. A few more strips of bark hit the ground. And a few more pained heartbeats, struggling on in anger. Though it was hard to be angry forever.

“But you G’s are stubborn.” Gem smirked. “So that’ll never happen.”

“Scott and Pearl haven't forgiven each other for Double Life yet.” Cleo conceded.

“And you?” Gem asked. “Have you forgiven them?”

They held eye contact. Cleo broke it first, leaning back again, staring at the dirt.

“Scott’s never intended to hurt me. So, if there’s anything to apologize for on his end, it’s been made up for by his help.”

“And Pearl?”

Cleo sighed. “She never wanted to hurt me. At least, she wanted to hurt someone else through me.”

Gem snorted. “What you had in Limited seemed pretty personal.” Gem was only there for a day, not even as herself, and yet the anxiety lingered.

Cleo met her eyes again. “Do any of us want to hurt each other?”

That lingered. As did you. As did the glowing eyes in the skies, matching the stone statue she died under.

“No. But we do anyway.” Gem wrenched her axe out of the remains of the log, resting it over her shoulder. “The least we can do is be honest about it.”

Cleo held her gaze, a quiet challenge. Are you really being honest about this? Gem wrinkled her nose. It wasn’t their business. Finally, Cleo bowed their head, letting out a truly exhausted sigh.

“I don’t know why Scott thinks we can fix things. You and Pearl are so stubborn.”

Gem smirked. “It keeps us alive, doesn’t it?”

“Not at this rate.” Cleo stood. They started walking back towards their base. “I hope I’m not there when you’re Red.”

“That can be arranged.” Sharply, she chopped her axe down, wedging it into a nearby stump.

Cleo laughed, a true cackle, and Gem couldn’t help but smile. The clearing finally felt the right speed.

Right as Cleo passed Gem, they clasped a hand on her shoulder.

“I forgave BigB, once, for killing me. Pearl can forgive you too. Give her the option to try.”

With that, Cleo vanished into the brush, trusting Gem alone so close to their base. Gem stared after them for a while. And then she picked up her axe, and headed home.

[leupagus]

All of my GOT ships are some variation of "It's rotten work. Especially to me, especially if it's you. I'll fucking do it but christ alive." The fun thing is that each member of each pairing gets to switch it up periodically

"'All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes.'" 

Tyrion needed a few moments to understand what was happening — or rather, how much of various things were happening all at once. Queen Daenerys was standing in his quarters. She was scowling at him impatiently while wearing her flying boots and leather coat. It was halfway through the hour of the owl. He was naked in bed.

"What?" he managed, wrapping the bedsheet about his waist and trying not to think of the dozens (hundreds?) of times Jaime had marched into his chambers in just this fashion. He'd never bothered to cover himself — Jaime had changed his smallclothes when he'd been an infant — but a queen was a different matter.

"'All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes,'" Daenerys repeated. She had, in addition to the boots and the coat, a scroll in her hand; she waved it at him now.

Tyrion was still lost. "Please refer to my previous question, Your Grace." He scooted to the edge of the bed and slid off, keeping the sheets firmly bunched about him as he rummaged through a chest of drawers for a pair of trousers.

"A message from Volantis has just arrived," Daenerys said, stomping over to his wardrobe to take out a shirt. "You'll need this, too," she added, tossing it on the bed.

"Will I, indeed?" he asked, pulling out his trousers and flapping them at her. "Turn round, please, Your Grace."

Daenerys rolled her eyes, but turned obligingly. "It's from Kinvara, the high priest of the Red Temple in Volantis. She claims someone from Westeros has come with a warning."

"She wants you to go to Volantis?" Tyrion demanded as he hopped on first one foot, then the other, to get his trousers on. Fortunately the shoes were easy in Meereen: nearly everyone (including Daenerys, unless she was flying) favored the practical sandals that could be easily slipped on and off. "The same place that tried to foment rebellion in every city on the Bay these past two years?"

"It's a risk," Daenerys agreed, "but Kinvara was the one to first inform us of Volantis's betrayal; she could have had me overthrown a year ago, but she sided with us instead."

"That's due in large part to our agreement to let one of her priestesses sit on the Congressional Council," Tyrion countered, "but pray go on, Your Grace."

She huffed. "Second, I've informed Grey Worm that in the event I am captured or killed, he is to bring the entire force of the Unsullied, the Second Sons, and the Free Fleet of Meereen down on Volantis's head. Not only that, but I'm leaving Viserion and Rhaegal here; if anthing happens to me they'll burn the entire city to ashes and molten rock."

"A proportional response, to be sure," Tyrion agreed. Personally he'd rather have Daenerys alive; no doubt he was growing sentimental in his old age. "What's the third reason? You always have at least three reasons to do anything."

"The third is — can I turn around now?"

"Your Grace is free to do as she likes," he said as he wrestled the tunic on. He emerged to find her regarding him thoughtfully. "It's clean," he said defensively.

"I know, I picked it out," she said absently. "No, I was just thinking I should've made you visit the barber earlier."

"Ealier than when?" he asked, but she simply turned on her heel, obliging him to scurry after. "And what's the third reason?"

Daenerys handed him the scroll. "I've had a jacket made up for you, which should help with the cold, but you'll need some sort of boots. Meereenese have no idea how to dress warmly."

"Dress warmly for what? Earlier than when? And what's the third reason?" Tyrion must be dreaming; that explained it.

Daenerys snatched the scroll back and read it out loud. "'To the most revered—' et cetera— 'I am bid to tell you that two of your countrymen have arrived, with information that cannot wait for our slow ships to make their way to you. I beseech you to come at once to Volantis, as you are capable of arriving far more swiftly, and what information I have cannot wait. If you doubt the veracity of this message, or the sincerity of its messengers, one of these messengers asks that Tyrion Lannister be remembered to him, for all dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes.'"

"Jon Snow," Tyrion said, remembering that summer eve in Winterfell, so many (was it really so many?) years ago. "It's something I told him once. He's a member of—"

"Of the Night's Watch, I know," said Daenerys. "That's the third reason. Though I'm a bit puzzled as to how it could be him — Lady Stark believes him dead, doesn't she?" She continued onto the Nursery, calling over her shoulder, "There's no time for a barber now, but really, Tyrion, a whole flock of hummingbirds could nest in your hair."

"We don't all have attendants to braid our hair to within an inch of its life each morning. Unless it's the hummingbirds doing it for you."

"I braid my own hair, thank you very much." They came to the Nursery door and met with Missandei, who was holding a leather jherkin and an apprehensive expression. "Thank you," she added to Missandei, far more sincerely.

Boots, Tyrion thought stupidly, just as Daario came strolling up wearing a brown-and-red leather coat and stout riding boots. He held a smaller pair in his hands. "Boots. Jackets. Wait."

"First flight on dragonback?" Daario asked, sketching a bow to Daenerys as he handed the boots to Tyrion. "Mine, too — though I've been angling to get a ride for months." 

"And I'd advise against doing anything that makes me reconsider," the queen replied, and went through the door to the Nursery. Daario followed her with a broad wink to Tyrion, leaving him alone with Missandei and a jacket.

"She can't mean for me to go with her," Tyrion said even as he numbly accepted her help getting his boots on, along with the new jacket. It had large brass rings affixed by stout leather strips, so that one might be strapped into the saddle of a— 

"The first time is the most frightening," Missandei said solemnly, taking his sandals. "I hardly ever vomit from terror anymore."

"'Enemies in each direction,'" Tyrion muttered as he trod off obediently to his doom.

There was a saddle for Drogon now, but it couldn't accomodate three people. "It's fine," Daenerys said as they climbed the steep steps to the balcony. Drogon was already there, staring down into the darkness of the city at rest. "We'll ride bareback."

"We absolutely will not," Tyrion objected. He may not still be entirely awake, but he'd be damned if he climbed aboard a dragon in the middle of the night like some lunatic Targaryens he might mention.

Daenerys rolled her eyes. "It's perfectly safe!"

""For you, Your Grace. What if Drogon doesn't like us riding on him?" Tyrion asked. At that, Drogon's great head curved around to poke him in the stomach. "It's a fair question!"

"Drogon won't let me fall," Daenerys said breezily, and Tyrion found himself sharing a rare moment of fellow feeling with Daario as they caught one another's eye.