#subjected to horrific things because of how my family is

[amongie]

homeschool parents are so cruel, actually. peak "my child is my little barbie doll" behavior. i hope homeschool parents die

[gay-jesus-probably]

Let me just preface this by saying everyone is allowed to have their own opinions, TOTK is a really fun game, and I'm glad that other people have been able to enjoy the story as well.

...But I'm being dead serious with my complaints about the narrative being 100% imperialist propaganda. And I'm getting really tired of people replying to those posts by saying it can't be imperialist propaganda, because imperialism is bad and the game says that Hyrule is the good guys.

Like, guys. That's not the argument you think it is. Yes, I am aware that the game tells us Ganondorf is a flat, one dimensional character with no ambitions, interests or motivations beyond destroying the entire world for the hell of it, and also it's totally not racist because he's green, not brown like literally every other member of his race. Unfortunately literally all of these things are kind of the entire goddamn problem.

See, the thing is, everyone trying to make these arguments is accepting the game at face value. Hyrule is the perfect and almighty nation chosen by the demigod Zonai, and whose royal family has the right to rule due to their divine heritage. The other races exist to serve the glory of Hyrule, and they're happy to do it. Ganondorf is pure evil and must be stopped at any costs.

But that's not how anything works. The story informing me that Hyrule is the ultimate good that has done nothing wrong is the whole goddamn reason why I don't trust Hyrule at all. There's always more of a reason than that. And the game fucking suggests there was more going on! Ganondorf mentions Rauru has repeatedly 'invited' the Gerudo to become Rauru's subjects, and let's be clear here, it doesn't matter how peaceful those 'invitations' were, when the guy who owns every single magical nuclear missile in the world repeatedly demands you surrender to him, there's always going to be an implied threat of 'do it or get magically nuked'. Just that power difference alone shows us exactly why Ganon would feel threatened enough to invade. It's because Rauru was holding a gun to his head, and Ganon was expected to just trust that he'd never pull the trigger.

And yes, even if it wasn't intentional Hyrule was always threatening to wipe out the other nations, considering the entire royal family walked around openly wearing their magical nukes as cute accessories. If they couldn't be safely hidden away, there wouldn't be four other secret stones sitting untouched in a vault until the last second.

But that's never acknowledged. Of course Hyrule is the only nation with the right to the secret stones; even if other races get to touch them, they can only have them if they swear eternal blind loyalty and servitude to the glory of King Rauru and Princess Zelda. Ganon wanting to have one magical nuclear bomb out of a stockpile of eight of them is proof that he's dangerous and evil. I mean my god, what if he just walked around all day wearing a magical nuke and using its power for his own benefit, that would be terrifying. It's only okay when Hylian royalty does it.

And you can't argue that Ganon betrayed his own people, considering we don't get to know fucking anything about his relationship with his people. He's shows as the leader of the Gerudo, we're told he's a hero to his people, he has soldiers that loyally follow him into battle... and then oh nevermind, they all hate him and will spend eternity trying to atone for sharing a race with him. How did the entire race do a complete 180 in the span of at most a few months? Who cares, what's important is that now they accept they exist to serve Hyrule so they get to be the good guys now and we don't need to know why they were following Ganondorf, or why they stopped following him.

Basically my point is that yeah, I fucking know how the game insists everything went down. That's the entire reason I think it's imperialist propaganda, because the entire story feels like Hylian propaganda to conceal and justify some horrific atrocities that caused all of this. I literally do not believe that I'm getting the story through reliable narrators, especially considering that the only people allowed to actually tell me the story are all the characters that have the most reasons to be heavily biased in favour of Hyrule.

When the game shows me protagonists that have a massive amount of power and control over the entire world, then says the bad guy doesn't like that system just because he's evil, and literally nothing and nobody in the game says anything to oppose that take, I have some questions about what the fuck the story isn't telling me. And I'd really appreciate it if people would stop trying to argue with me just by telling me to stop asking those questions.

[wosowrites]

Moose (Jessie Fleming x Reader)

warnings: none

prompt: in which the reader and jessie play for chelsea and before they leave for the world cup reader makes jessie a crochet moose which becomes the team mascot for canada.

a/n: based off this request here also a super short fic because i’m still broken.

You were not at all a crafty person. Jessie had grown up with a craft room in her house and she liked to paint, draw, and do artsy things to calm herself down like her mother had taught her. When you started dating a year into her contract at Chelsea, her calmness had rubbed off on you. You had always been a stressed out person and moving in with Jessie had made you into a much more relaxed and happy human. You would go on bike rides, hikes, make crafts, paint the house every time you got bored of it and do everything together.

However the only thing you started doing on your own was crocheting. Jessie had tried it but was never big on it, so all the spare yarn in the house went to you. You loved it. You were horrific at it however. Everything turned into little colourful blobs and your creations were constantly either too loose or too messy. That’s why, when you walked into the house one day and pulled out a beautifully crocheted moose with a Canada jersey on, Jessie was baffled.

For the past three weeks, you would escape to a café every day and crochet for about an hour before going back to your girlfriend. Jessie was not a worried person and as madly in love as you both were with each other, spending a small amount of time away from each other every day just made you closer. Some days you would tell her you were grocery shopping, other days it was a meeting with your agent, a hang out with one of your German teammates.

But today, Moose was finally done.

You finished him a week and a half before the departure of the World Cup and you were in Canada with Jessie and her family. It would make it harder to travel all the way back to Germany and then to Australia but you didn’t care. All you wanted was to be girlfriends instead of rivals for as long as possible.

At the dinner table that night, you picked up your glass and straightened up.

"Um, I’m not big on words as you guys have seen by now but I wanna say a couple words," you said.

Jessie’s entire family put down their cutlery and looked up at you. "I’m terrified for this World Cup. Like… horrified. It’s been four years since I’ve played a major tournament so far from you, Jess. The olympics are in one city so we can visit but in Australia… we’re constantly going to be flying around. So… I made Moose," you said.

From under the table, you grabbed a bag and pulled out the knit animal. He had a red and white swear and big old antlers. Jessie’s mouth fell open and a large smile cracked her freckled face. "I’ve been making him for weeks, and he has like… five half knit siblings that went wrong if you want them," Jessie laughed loudly and extended her hand to take the crocheted animal. "Baby… it’s perfect oh my god," she said, smiling down at the animal. "Klara taught me how to make him. That’s why I was always out for an hour or so these past weeks," You said.

Jessie hugged the plushy to her chest and then put it beside her plate. The brunette stood up and walked to behind your chair, wrapping her arms around your neck and squeezing you.

Elysse took a quick picture as Jessie’s parents raved over your new talent.

Over the next couple weeks, Jessie was seen carrying Moose during press, in the bus, around the city, at training, everywhere. She always had Moose. And if she didn’t, she had entrusted Christine Sabrina, or anyone else on the clamer side to take care of the little mascot.

After Canadas 2-1 win over Ireland, Jessie was interviewed and eventually, the subject of Moose came up.

"Is that a moose?" the woman asked, looking down at the plushie tucked under Jessie’s arm. The camera followed the reporters eyes and then went back up to the Canadian. "Yeah it is," she laughed shyly, holding up the mascot. "Is there a story benne that? I mean it’s been showing up everywhere. "There is, yeah. My… uh my girlfriend made it for me. She’s at the world cup and her friend taught her how to make it for me. We won’t be seeing each other for a while depending on how the games go so she said she wanted me to have a piece of her. It’s cute, and I didn’t think she was this artsy so it caught me by surprise for sure," Jessie said, shyly and gently.

The reporter awed over Jessie’s story but the midfielders brain was just full of images of you. She missed you so much.

That night, she called you and the whole Canadian team joined the call behind the vice- captain, thanking you for the mascot.

[simplydnp]

hey there!

I kind of consider you the resident dnp expert (at least in dnp culture) so I wanted your opinion on a question that's been building for a while now.

What are the boundaries for dnp now?

There are so many things that I feel have changed even in the last four years: writing smutty rpf was Gross and Weird, along with art along that line, speculating about their relationship was ABSOLUTELY a no-go, all things that I see happening on Tumblr now. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing!! I'm just acknowledging things have changed over time. They're different people now and so are we, and the "we know you know" era is lots of fun.

I was browsing reddit today (bad idea, do not recommend) and came across a post from a new Phannie asking if DnP were in a relationship. And while I agree that we cannot say for absolute certain that they are, the responses had a VERY different vibe than on here, emphasizing how bad the speculation was (true) and essentially saying "don't even think about that, just enjoy their content." (or something to that extent.)

Which... is very different from this here website in which we joke about them being horney for each other constantly lmao.

Being a very rules-driven person, I like expectations to be made abundantly clear for pretty much everything. So that's why I want to ask: Is there a line here? Are we crossing that line? How defined is that line? (All of this, of course, I recognize is your opinion and yours alone, and if this is posted I encourage anyone else to share their two-cents in a respectful way.)

Obviously, trying to find out where they live/things like that is very clearly crossing a boundary. But is there some sort of limit or boundary I (and tbh the rest of the phandom), in your opinion, should be keeping in mind?

thanks xx

hi!

'resident expert' is a hefty title, i'm just here trying my best!

'what are the boundaries for dnp now?' is really a great question. cause the thing is, we used to know. there used to be a fairly well-defined and mostly agreed upon line, and ever since the dapg revival in particular, the line keeps moving.

i'll be honest, i never really saw phanfic as rpf, even though it is. my stance on phanfic is the same as dnps: it's a beautiful expression of art and creativity and is so, so important. they've always been pro-fic (even though we subjected them to some absolutely horrific crack fics), so i don't think 'smutty' fic has ever been gross or too far. they've given their blessing, and, as the conversation has been in fandom communities the last few years, rpf isn't 'for' the people in them, it's for the fans. so i digress.

art is much the same way. they love art! they even included art of them kissing in a tumblr tag video back in the day, so to say that's not allowed especially after they're out is kind of crazy to me.

i think the line with stuff like that was showing it directly to dnp--tagging them in explicit stuff, that kind of thing. but creating it? go for it! it's always been a green light. (i think fans have previously overpoliced this and we lost a lot of great fic, art, and community members over it)

browsing reddit is always a Choice. i've never participated on dnp reddit before but i am aware that it is an entirely different space than here. something that's important, i think (and i think you think this too as you're asking about them), is to respect the fandom rules of the place you partcipate in. tumblr is generally one of the most phan-positive places on the internet, especially publicly facing. we make a lot of relationship jokes, particularly because we run on the assumption it's already true, based on what they've both said publicly (mostly dan).

i won't comment on reddit specifically just because i'm not a part of the community there, but the speculation about dnp online was a Lot for a long time. but the worst part of it was the stalking, the digging into personal lives, the contacting family members--that is what was bad. dnp have always had a connection--and, honestly, they kind of love flexing it and kind of always have. they absolutely play into things now, but they certainly did even way before coming out too. i think a certain level of speculation was to be expected, especially in that era of online fandom. but it wasn't just the 'teenage girls' who cared, the media did too, and so did many others.

i think one of the biggest differences now is 1 the awareness of 'our' past and trying to make up for it, and 2 the broader societal conversations about parasocial relationships.

you see this reflected on the snippets ive seen from dnp reddit and dnp twitter. they tend to be Very 'cautious' about the words they say, often undercutting perfectly reasonable statements with 'but whatever their relationship is'. on one hand, they don't want to cross a line, and i can respect that. on the other hand... it's 2024 babes. they just put out merch of them holding hands. dan's directly, intentionally, and explicitly called phil a bottom on dapg. they reacted to all of the pinofs, made jokes about 'theyre touching', and even joked about the tackle being 'wrestling 👀'. dan posted half-naked catboy pics and showed us phil was taking them. the 'watch your step babygirl' tweet & their reactions to it. phil is credited in WAD. they're making threesome jokes about themselves as a unit. i could go on and on.

to me, there's a few things that have 'moved the line' for us, so to speak.

1 - DAPG returning. for the last few years they specifically were not a duo (for projects) anymore. (and no, not because they hated each other). they just weren't. they wanted to focus on their goals and projects. they didn't have to resurrect dapg, but they chose to. marketing and money aside, they knew that if this went over well, it would well and truly revive the 'dan and phil' brand again. it would be specifically returning to being a duo in the public eye. (however they've also fully embraced this in all aspects, including merch, videos, and general attitude)

2 - pinof reacts. even though they'd been out since 2019, we hadn't had regular joint content from them since before that, therefore, while they had become more comfortable with themselves and their 'outness', we hadn't (in terms of them making explicit gay jokes together). so i really think dnp had to de-fang a lot of the 'theyre touching' of it all, because we didn't really know where we stood on it anymore. i think they succeeded, too. we couldn't be here, with the content of the last 3 months, without them tackling it head on (well, as head on as they're want to do).

3 - dapc. genuinely another big shift. they did this for the real fans. purely a passion project, and a specific choice in doing the handhold. they know what we're like. and this wasn't a brief, unplanned, unscripted moment. it's a specifically blocked out scene. they know it's opening a door, and they chose to. this is doubled by the fucking iconic merch selling, and furthered by phil's twitter likes of arguably romantic phanart, and then dan's full straddle like.

even throughout the current 6 months of revival, the line has moved. i don't know where it will settle. dnp keep moving it, in my opinion, and, genuinely, i don't think it's going to leave much to the imagination. as you say, obviously not the stalking or the contacting, but beyond that? especially here on tumblr? i wouldn't get too worried. obviously people will have their opinions, but as long as you're generally respectful and recognize that humans will see your posts and humans interact with them, i think you're good.

my rule of thumb is anything they intentionally put on the table, we can joke about or at the same level. but in terms of art/fic? go off, live your dreams. dan and phil would want you to.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Would you mind talking more about Ghost? I dig your interpretation on him so i'm curious if you'd share your thoughts; since i know how COD in general writes these characters and we know romance isn't on the table for them, ESP for someone like Ghost (even confimred by his voice actor too!)

So all that aside, in your opinion, what would it take to win Ghost's heart (or well, Simon's)? :)

It's great to hear you like my interpretation of Ghost! I'll gladly share my thoughts on this, the supposed love life of Simon Riley is one of my favorite subjects 🧐

Thoughts on what would it take to win Simon's heart under the cut ->

To be honest I see it highly unlikely that Ghost would date. I think Samuel Roukin's opinion on this matter was spot on. Simon's traumatic background, trust issues, the need to stay anonymous and his profession as a special ops soldier is just too heavy a combo. His family's murder and multiple betrayals have pushed him on a path of extreme independence and made him evade any kind of attachment.

That being said... I'm a hopeless romantic and love to imagine scenarios just like every other little simp here 🩷💋, and I've pictured (and occasionally written) him to be drawn to someone who is principally the opposite of himself, but who also has a dash of angst in their heart and firsthand experience or at least some basic understanding of complex trauma.

A positive vibes only/sunshine type of person would not resonate well with his darkness, and a carefree joker would only annoy him. Then again, there's Soap – but the thing with John MacTavish is that he shares the same profession and in that way, is not a stranger to the Underworld. Their banter is also evidence enough that Soap is not afraid of Ghost's madness and even looks up to him – actually a perfect way to make someone like Ghost enjoy your company. This man has a terrible praise kink but he can't stand spineless bootlickers. So the adoration should happen in a "I trust you and would follow you to hell & back" kind of way.

However, due to the shit he's been through, I'd say (contrary to popular headcanon, I dunno?) that Simon would likely fall for someone outside the military world. First of all, he's very uncomfortable with the fact that his partner has to fear for his safety. But the fear of losing his partner to the dangers of this profession would be a little too much. It would only trigger a shitload of PTSD stuff. The fear of losing a loved one again would override the mutual experience and bonding through warfare, all the elements which otherwise might be pull factors in a military love interest. On the other hand, people with traumatic backgrounds tend to repeat the pattern, no matter how horrific or unsafe, simply because it's familiar. Still, I'd say someone from the base personnel would be a more alluring option for him. The shared hell, so to say, could make the foundations of this relationship quite dark. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing!

Deep down, Simon would be attracted to softness. Not innocence, per se, just something different from the realm in which he operates. This is why I think he could definitely fall for "a normie". He would appreciate dark humor and a certain kind of fearlessness, however. What ultimately would win his heart is someone who can stand, even cherish, his melancholy and cynicism and life choices and who is not on a quest to change or "fix" him.

I think Simon's ultimate wish is to find a home because he has lost it (or hasn't really had one in the first place). He's a leader and has to provide safety and support on a daily basis to the people under his command. But who offers support and safety to him? He knows how to protect people but doesn't know how to create a safe space, so he would appreciate someone who makes him feel he's finally found his way home. I think he yearns for a small measure of peace and a slice of normal life to wash away the adrenaline and blood and filth, he wants a small corner free from the demons that haunt him, even if he would reluctantly (if ever) admit that he does.

[sentientsky]

On Crowley, the Starmaker, and the Disruption of Intergenerational Violence

(based on this post from @nightgoodomens) I started thinking about Crowley and the Starmaker and the way in which he's an engineer at heart. But then I started gathering screencaps and making gifs and stuff, and then I was thinking about how Crowley's doing a really good job of upsetting patterns of intergenerational trauma. (Of course I'm going to talk about childhood stuff, what did you expect from me??) CONTENT WARNING: this will involve discussions of childhood trauma and abuse (not explicit)

I'll be using they/them pronouns to refer to the Starmaker and he/him pronouns for Crowley. This is for no other reason than to help me differentiate in my own writing lol.

To preface, the Starmaker is so so important to me. You have no idea; they are my beloved, my everything, my most adored.

I mean, look them. What a fucking cutie (i accidently/subconsciously picked up the habit of nose-scrunching because of this goofy little cosmic Bob the Builder)

They're also an engineer, a creator of worlds—someone who spins matter and existence into being.

Their desire to create, to make things happen is carried throughout the story.

(e.g., Crowley's rainstorm) He maintains a love for the universe and all the stars in the sky.

So what does this have to do with intergenerational trauma? Well, as we've discussed time and time again, Crowley is deeply deeply traumatized by both the violence of Heaven and of Hell. Trauma, much like the worst fucking family heirloom ever, has the capacity to be passed down through the years. Let's get more specific. What is intergenerational trauma?

(source)

(source) For example, my grandfather has a horrific temper and lashes out as a way to cope with his emotions. In turn, my father learned that being abusive towards one's children was acceptable, and applied it to his parenting of me.

In this case, Crowley was abandoned and actively forced into, "a million-light-year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur" by God—someone who is functionally his parent. In Hell, he was subject to torture and other forms of cruelty. Unsurprisingly, that leaves a fucking massive mark on an individual. It would be very easy for him to simply replicate the patterns that he learned in his time as the Starmaker and turn cold/callous/cruel. And yet he doesn't do this. As mentioned here, he is kind and compassionate. He sticks around through continual rejections, despite having only known abandonment. He answers questions (invites them even). At the same time, the trauma hasn't had a nonzero effect on him, of course. He's redirected the violence into compulsive caretaking and a kind of need to prove himself, among many other things (totally not speaking from experience here. no siree!! *sweating*). Let's take a closer look at this (because I want to and you're stuck with me hehe): Questions As we saw in season 1, Crowley cites asking questions as the reason for his Fall (an idea which we see reiterated in season 2):

Instead of replicating that same violence (by belittling, rejecting, or else lashing out at those who ask questions), we see him encouraging curiosity. Not only is this evident within the Starmaker,

but also in Crowley himself, as we see with both Muriel and Jimbriel:

Along the same lines, as he's been subject to a great deal of unkindness (understatement of the year), it would be easy for him to carry that cruelty forward (god knows my family has taken that route before. who said that!!!). Nevertheless, he remains kind, even to those who have hurt him (which isn't to say that you need to be or even should be kind to those who abuse you. abuser apologists are not a thing in this household). Kindness even in the face of mistreatment + anger Gabriel, as Crowley has mentioned, has the capacity to smite Crowley. He has actively tried to kill the love of his life. The mere presence of Gabriel in the bookshop triggers a fight or flight response in Crowley, and this disruption represents a violation of the safety of the bookshop that he and Aziraphale had established within the past however many years (see Alex's fantastic meta post for more detail regarding the bookshop becoming an unsafe space for Crowley: x)

ignore my cursor. just pretend its a fly. shh shhh it's beez just being a silly lil guy (gn). i'm too tired to remake this gif, so this is what we're working with lol

(AND THEN HE OFFERS HIM A HOT CHOCOLATE?!?!?!! couldn't be me) Case Study: The Plants (shoutout to @sighed-the-snake for their post about leaf spots) Even with regards to his plants, we see a widely different side of him beginning in the second season. In the first season, we witness him using the plants as a site of displacement/projection, in which he reenacts the violence he himself was subject to.

However, in the second season, while we don't get a lengthy view of them, episode four gives us a quick glimpse into how this approach might have altered in the four years since.

(please keep in mind that my vision is absolute dogshit, so apologies if you look at my little circles and go "what the actual fuck is she talking about?" i TRIED, okay????) Had this been the first season, these little guys wouldn't have been permitted to exist in the state they're shown here. We could argue, oh well, it's just because Crowley's been busy/distracted with other things. And while that may be the case, we've seen him preoccupied with the end of the world in season 1, and yet still exert control over the plants.

...I have no solid conclusion for this, as I'm still sick and my brain is like a bowl of stagnant dishwater at the moment. I'm not putting forth any new ideas or anything, so I guess this is all to say, "yay for cycle breakers!".

[crimeronan]

hey what is wwaitsoatl?

oh! it's what we are is the sum of a thousand lies, my most popular toh fic by FAR and the thing most toh people here started following me for. back before i got sucked down the princess luz hyperfixation rabbit hole. it's a fic that takes more work to write than any of my others because it has an incredibly involved drafting & editing process. bc i am a perfectionist.

the premise is a canon divergent timeline wherein belos suspects that hunter lied to him at the end of hunting palismen. and completely wrecks hunter's shit forever. and infects him with curse goop in the process. and darius (who, Very Importantly, does not yet have a friendly rapport with hunter) trips over the kid's half-dead body.

and freaks.

and kidnaps hunter n takes him to the owl house. bc that's the one surefire place of refuge on the isles.

there are a bunch of emotional threads, hence why it's novel-length and not even finished yet despite being about just four characters chilling in a house together.

mainly it's about:

hunter unraveling his cognitive dissonance and cult brainwashing in an AU where he doesn't have all of hollow mind's answers; his feelings are Incredibly complicated and messy & he gets incredibly mean and snarly about it

darius grappling with the fact that his own grief and resentment blinded him to a kid who Very Much Needed Him, darius dealing with the fact that actually he never DID grieve his mentor or his mentor's dead family

darius and hunter developing a rapport in a timeline where hunter very much has Not broken out of all the cop shit that darius disdains So Much. so darius is so fucking exasperated and tired all the time

eda trying desperately to help hunter learn to live with a curse / chronic pain / chronic illness, while having very little faith in herself to begin with

luz feeling Horrifically guilty about hunter's curse and injuries, bc she thinks she should have clocked the abuse and brought him home with her or otherwise stopped it

hunter developing an almost immediate and pathological emotional attachment to luz because of her kindness, which complicates all of his complicated feelings WAAAAAY MORE

eda, darius, AND luz all desperately trying to get hunter to admit that he's been abused and that what happened wasn't his fault. you would not believe how fucking long it takes.

i'm actually really, really, Really proud of it -- it's rare for one of a writer's best works to be their most popular, but this genuinely is one of mine. if not my best work, period. there's a lot of nuance and messiness and emotional complexity and grief and arguing that i'm SO happy with.

also, despite the subject matter, it's often extremely lighthearted. some of the funniest dialogue i've ever written is strewn throughout all these serious emotional threads.

i'd apologize for how long this response is but this story is a heart project and has 67,000 published words on ao3 so far. (the chapter i'm writing rn will likely be another ~8,000 words, then there are a couple more chapters to come.) so there's a lot to say!!

it's my most popular ao3 fic for any fandom, ever, in the 12 years i've been on the site. the response has been WILD. if you sort by kudos, it's the 31st most favorited owl house fic Of All Time, the 7th most popular fic involving darius, and the 5TH most popular hunter & luz relationship fic. again, of all time. which is. insane.

people have been very kind and patient with me having been too sick to work on it for a while. there was a seven-month break between chapters 8 and 9, and if i finish chapter ten soon then there'll have been a nine-month break between chapters 9 and 10. so i don't know how many people are actually going to come back to read it, a lot of ppl have moved on from the fandom and such. but i'm extremely extremely extremely grateful to everyone who's given it a look!

[snakxreader]

How about Floofty enduring shenanigans of the journalist whose oddly open to dangerous experiments?

A/N: First request, and ofc it’s a Floofty one/j

Honestly, OP? I don’t think I wrote Floofty well here at all, but I tried. This was a really interesting ting prompt!

Floofty and Journalist (Platonic)

There were limits to everything, as frustrating as it was.

It was one of the unfortunate realities of the world, and one Floofty had grown entirely used to. Limits in their field. Limits in familial love, despite how close you used to be, and of course ethical limits. The media was honestly overrreacting, they had given multiple consent forms, had debriefed the entire thing before and after, yet they still got treated like a monster by people who thought with their hearts rather than their huts. Media sways opinions and as such, swayed the public into not trusting them. This reputation even followed them to Snaktooth. The horrific Floofty Fizzlebean. They’d find the fear almost funny if it wasn't so humiliating.

So they started to experiment on themselves. Empiricism was the only way they saw fit and it worked them well, no matter the pain. They were their own best test subject, and that was almost to be proud of.

Key word being were.

And then that moronic journalist arrived and somehow they were met with someone more headstrong than them.

No, headstrong was not the word here. This had to be some sort of suicidal ideation because nobody in their right mind would do some of the things Floofty attempted.

Exhibit A; offhandedly mentioning one of their old experiences and then asking if it could be replicated.

Floofty blinked. “Why would you possibly want to know that.”

They shrugged. “Oh, I dunno…sounds fun!” The reporter laughed a little while responding.

“…..You cannot be serious.”

“I dunno, if you need a test subject, I’m willing.” The journalist replied, grinning like a maniac. Floofty’s eye twitched at their apparent humor at the situation.

“This is not a joke. My experiments are incredibly dangerous, and as such, I do them only to myself.”

“Can’t be that bad.”

“Throwing yourself against Bungers to see how far they can throw you?”

“Oh a few feet.” The journalist calmly replied. “They can do some serious damage.”

Floofty sputtered. “A-alright, fine! Remove Bugsnax from the equation. If you were my test subject, I’d have you…stay in exposed contact with lava to detail the Bugsnax near the volcano.”

“Fun! I’m always a bit cold most places I go.”

“Th-Then I’ll do the same thing with the mountain!”

“Always wanted to go camping in the winter!”

“I’ll-I’ll force you to eat Bugsnax and watch how your allergy affects you!”

“Ooooh, so a crytpid?” Their eyes gleamed as excitement laced their voice. “Do you think I’d, like, turn into a creature of unimaginable horrors?”

For a faint minute, they wondered if this was what Snorpington had dealt with, having to convince them not to do the things they did on a daily basis, which they always took in a stride of dark humor.

“Are you afraid of anything…?” They asked feebly.

The journalist winked, finger gun pointed at Floofty. “Paying taxes.”

“W-wha….?”

“But seriously though, those do sound really fun!” They contained, mindlessly rolling their hand about. “Even with the whole ‘danger’ thing, have you considered-hey!”

The journalist tilted their head, eyebrows burrowed. “Floofty, come back!”

Floofty paid the protesting journalist no mind as they walked towards Cromdo’s stand. Even if they’d get most likely scammed, that entire exchange counted for an extreme need of alcoholic beverages.

[mingos]

*crawls out of the ground like a mole, coughing up copious amounts of dirt*

so, hello.

    i try to keep things as vague & light as possible when referencing my homelife because, honestly, the last time i brought up anything tangentially related i was essentially told “you being upset is making other people upset and ruining the fun” so being anything other than ✨chaotic positivity gremlin wilder ✨ here makes me paranoid, hence why i’ll just disappear for weeks sometimes. 

but. 

i’ve clearly been gone for a bit, will probably be gone for a bit longer, and since i’ve been getting messages from folks wanting to check in on me i wanna give a more detailed update than usual. i feel guilty for not responding directly, but for reasons i can’t get detailed on other than “the idea of having a conversation with 99.9% of people right now is terrifying” (is this what being nonverbal is, chat?) with even the .1% being a super recent development, a queue post into the void is my solution.

i won’t get that detailed, but if light references to domestic abuse, addiction, or just family issues in general are hard subjects for you - nothing past this paragraph is too pertinent anyway, so don’t worry about having to stop. all you gotta know is that some Bad Stuff with family happened, but i’m safe & i’ll be back in maybe another week or something. 

anyways. i was living out of hotels for about 3 weeks. 

more like 16-17 days if you want to get technical because 4 of those days i had an actual scheduled hotel for my twin’s wedding at the end of august - but i’ve basically been bouncing around since august 21st. the night of the 20th, i had a horrific fight with my family member and, for the first time ever, i left. don’t know if would call it brave on my part - since we were leaving for a trip anyway, this is just the first time my suitcase was already packed.

right now, i’ve been at another relative’s house since the 11th. i tried to go back on the 1st because, even after years of this, i’m apparently way too easy to convince everything is going to be fine…  but by the 2nd i was out of there again. 

currently mulling over my next move here because, as much as the common sense answer is to stay away, anybody who’s unfortunate enough to deal with this knows how complicated it is. i’m scared for this person’s safety as much as i am for my own. no one else really checks on them, and i’ve already had to deal with several medical emergencies they’ve had like bad falls & breathing problems. i don’t like leaving them alone for long because the guilt at the thought of something bad happening to them and no one knowing for possibly days or weeks eats me up.

i logically know i’ll have to get past that eventually because i can’t let my life be dictated by this incredibly toxic cycle forever or i’ll never be happy, but now isn’t the time. they also have a dog who would similarly be put at risk if something happened to them, so it’s a lot for me to worry about.

but, having said all that, we’re currently in the apology stage or i guess the negotiation stage because, after the shit that happened this time, i’m making it perfectly clear i’m not stepping foot in that house until they do something. detox, treatment, rehab, disulfiram, soberlink, therapy – something. we’re kind of running out of things for them to try at this point, but at least they used to try. they haven’t really been doing that this past year and I’m the one suffering the most because of it.

so yeah, that’s where things are at the moment. i’m mentally not doing so hot - but I’ve got my dog, and being able to sleep in a bed i’m familiar with for a change and not a hotel (I spent so much money on hotels, guys i’m cooked) is nice relief while I wait out whatever the hell is happening. talking to them over the phone again pretty much drains any of the energy I’ve got back, but it sounds like they’re starting to "get it' so hopefully they’ll start to take this seriously again because I can really only take one more year of this (if even) until I just need to accept these things aren’t my responsibility and move on.

honestly, having a close-knit group of friends/support system for the first time in years has really reminded me of that and given me the confidence to take a lot of steps to live for myself for a change, and to think about prioritizing my own happiness for once, which wasn’t the place i was in at this time last year, or the year before that, or the year before that - so I just want to say thank you again to anyone whose ever helped talk me through something or really just been nice to me at all. this is why i always remember to be kind because it can genuinely do a lot for someone going through something, because i know it has for me.

anyway uhhhhh i hope you are all doing well, and with any luck i’ll be chilling on here by the start of october. can’t miss spooky month and this insufferable pink bird’s birthday, after all.

much love.

[iamnmbr3]

I've been following your site for a while and reading your thoughts on some of the characters and what do you think about Sirius' character? what do you think about him? do you ship him with anyone? what stands out to you about his character?

my first language is not English, so I apologize if there is something wrong.

Thats lovely to hear! I think Sirius is a fascinating character who is really well described by his own insight that the world is not divided into good people and Death Eaters. Because Sirius is definitely not a Death Eater but oh boy does he do some morally questionable things.

Sirius is fascinating because of how contradictory and flawed he is. He can be very wise and insightful but also deeply hypocritical. He says Barty Crouch's treatment of Winky is wrong and speaks to his character but then is cruel and violent towards Kreacher. He spent 7 years horrifically tormenting Snape for sport and never seems to have truly regretted it. He rejects his pureblood traditionalist family values but also tries to set his werewolf minion friend on someone he doesn't like with the intent of killing them without any seeming regrets over either the murder attempt or how it would have affected Lupin. He is also capable of being incredibly kind and loving with those he cares about. He was willing to for James or Harry in a heartbeat. He was the closest thing to a true parental figure Harry ever had in his life, and no matter what problems he was dealing with he always tried to be there for Harry no matter the risk or the difficulty.

He was extremely clever and talented and independent. He was shrewd and emotionally intelligent though he had some blind spots. He was brave and loyal and crafty. He was deeply affected by the years of what was essentially torture that he was subjected to in Azkaban (because let's be real - it is awful to subject someone to that prison). He is implied in book 5 to have developed a drinking problem which worsened some of his bad tendencies. He could be sharp and caustic and immature but also wise beyond his years and deeply gentle. He was very capable of killing those who offended him and showed little to no regret for his darker deeds but also was plagued by near suicidal guilt over Jame's death which he blamed himself for.

Ultimately I think he is a dark and flawed and deeply complicated and contradictory character which makes him fascinating and fun to read about and analyze.

In terms of ships I read him as having had unrequited feelings for James. I also enjoy wolfstar as a concept. And I think you can do interesting dark things with Snape/Sirius or with Sirius staying with his family and ending up in a disastrous arranged marriage with Bellatrix.

Definitely check out my Sirius Black tag as it will have a lot of analysis you might enjoy.

Also, your English is excellent.

[jewreallythinkthat]

I think I've worked out part of my issue with a lot of the antisemitism from the performative allyship for Palestinians and that is the disingenuous patronising way these people will talk about October 7th.

This isn't about those who deny it, it's about the people who say "of course I condemn October 7th..." And then try and change the subject because that way they can fully avoid actually acknowledging the level of trauma that was caused to Israelis, and the worldwide Jewish community, that day. It allows them to say to themselves "I am a good person" because they have acknowledged that this happened and now they can say whatever they want, no matter how bigoted, or simply untrue, safe in the knowledge that they can point to this one line and shut down any discussion about the actual details of the atrocities which are still coming to light.

To borrow a phrase so many people like to use to justify the butchering of innocent civilians in Israel, what is happening in Gaza "did not happen in a vacuum". That is not to say that what's happening is acceptable, but it is unbelievably important to preface any discussion about the situation as a whole with the fact that there was a actual caesefire in place on October 6th which was broken by Hamas in the most vile, horrific ways that wouldn't even make it into a horror film because it is unfathomably awful.

To acknowledge the events of October 7th, you MUST talk about the grizzly details of what happened, you must be willing to engage with people who are still coming to grips with losing family, and friends and never feeling safe again because all they have seen since is unbridled glee at the thought of their death. Frankly, I'd never want anyone to be able to empathise with how I have felt as that would mean that have actually experienced the fear that someone will actually kill you because you see people hunting you down in broad daylight because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

To flippantly say "of course that was awful, but anyway now I want to talk exclusively about the other side..." When someone Is trying to discuss October 7th itself is just trying to shut up Jews, Israelis, and anyone else who is trying to actually have a productive conversation.

What is happening in Gaza at the moment is a catastrophe and an horrific loss of life; an event which will leave lasting scars of trauma for generations. This doesn't mean it was unprovoked. And saying it wasn't unprovoked is also not saying that it is deserved. This is the fallacy of the argument. Multiple thing can be, and are true. If you only want to consider one, without the others, you are deliberately changing the situation and spreading misinformation.

The whole situation, and in fact the entire history of the middle east is one of the most complicated around the planet. But you cannot pick and choose where to count from just to make your argument work. If you think the only way to engage with people with different opinions to to infantilise, patrinise, and belittle, then you are not doing anything to help anyone. You are cementing yourself as a narrowminded fool with no ability to think for yourself.

If you genuinly think someone else's human rights should be taken away because of something they have done, they why shouldn't yours? It's a slippery slope.

If your opinions are not actually productive and you only get your news from one source, you are genuinely part of the problem. This is not meant to be a call out, it's a plea to actually do genuine research and read what people who disagree with you say with an open mind. You do not have to agree with them, but you have a duty to at least understand other people's point of view if you think you're important enough to be involved in the discussion - especially if it doesn't affect you personally in any way, shape or form.

[yuridovewing]

How did you make Rainflower worse? I'm really interested.

Rubs my hands together. I made that woman RANCID (Putting this under the cut because I predict it’ll get long and I wanna throw up a CW for abuse of power, child abuse, victim blaming, humiliation, and ableist abuse. Also disclaimer: haven’t reread Crookedstar’s Promise in a minute, and I want to, so this is subject to change)

Razorverse Rainflower… or as she’s properly called… Rainstar.

Just gonna plagiarize @/bonefall’s structure and stuff here lmaooo. Gonna list what I don’t care for about the canon version, what I’d like to do but am not sure how to go about it exactly, and what I know I want to do.

Canon:

-So, Rainflower. We all know her, she’s The Bad Mom. The one who renamed her son something ableist for the purpose of humiliating and disowning him. The one who never apologized, barely made any attempts to support him further, and fucked up Crookedstar’s self esteem and drove him into Mapleshade’s claws.

-I don’t have an issue with her being portrayed like this at all. Rainflower herself, as she’s presented in the book in a vacuum, is fine. I’m very anti “oh lets never talk about serious topics in kids content” because that’s an easy slippery slope into book banning to me. Her actions are portrayed as horrific, and if I remember correctly, Crookedstar doesn’t forgive her. No reconciliation. With several kids properties (and WC itself if we’re being honest) making plotlines about how you have to forgive your abuser or you suck, that’s honestly sort of refreshing. You’re not obligated to forgive your mother because she’s your mother. Fuck that. The ableism adds a whole extra layer to this as well because while I don’t remember specific caretaker abuse in the book, plenty of victims have spoken up about relating to Crookedstar. She really is the recipe for an intentionally awful character.

-That being said… man, it’s kinda weird how this random ass queen apparently has the power to rename her child something derogatory in the eyes of their god and the leader who is in charge of all this is like “yeah sure okay”, and everyone else is like “oughhh that bites! ah well though what can ya do? sorry infant, we’re cool with calling you a slur forever” and that is never addressed or seen as weird and we’re supposed to love all these other characters and see them as role models for Crookedkit.

-It makes RiverClan look Pretty Bad, Dude. Which would be cool if it was intentional-there’s actually a line in Cats of the Clans that implies Crookedstar struggled because of societal expectations, not just his mom’s disowning. I kinda wanna reincorporate that. Like, Rainflower isn’t just One Bad Mom, she’s a product of her environment, she has a clique of cats that think just like her.

-Also… while I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing in a kids book, yeah, Rainflower is pretty flat. Not completely- my best friend read the book recently and he actually made a great point that Rainflower’s kind of a bad mom even before the accident because she brags and brags about her kids, but doesn’t really look out for them, which makes them get hurt. She thinks her kids fart rainbows until one of them makes her look bad, after which she disowns and treats him poorly. But aside from that… there’s not much to her. She gives birth in a storm and has sentimental names because of that, she is a doting mama until she isn’t, and you could also say she’s vain.

-Again- all that is perfectly fine.

-But… and this may read as a little controversial to the fandom crowd… I like to add a bit more meat to abusive characters.

-Not necessarily by making them sympathetic, although that’s one way to do it if done properly and with the tact and attention it deserves.

-But I want to make them read more like people. People who have families and friends, who have hobbies and favorite foods and silly weekly routines. Who have fears and anxieties, who care deeply for the ones they love. Who are charming and well liked.

-Because abusers are not identifiable at a distance. They’re not always obvious. They’re not ugly, or constantly acting like douchebags.

-A lot of abuse falls under the rug because of the abuser’s status in reality. A man that beats his wife could have his family rally behind him because… well, they grew up with him. That’s not who he TRULY is. What did the wife do to provoke him? No no, this man also has an important job, he has a lot of connections and people willing to stick up for him. “I’ve talked to him before and he was just the nicest man! He would never do anything like that. Maybe he was just having a hard day. His job is so hard, you know!”

-A mom who stalks and beats her kids? Well, she’s so sweet in public! She tutors the neighbors kids, you can’t possibly expect us to believe she’s hurting her own! They must be problem children anyways if she has to keep her eye on them.

-That aunt who emotionally abuses her nespring? Well, she’s got such an important job higher up and she has connections (and eyes) everywhere! There’s no escape no way you could expect us to believe that such a helpful person could be so cruel!

-(And in cases of romantic relationships there is typically victim blaming in this line of thinking. “How did you not know they were abusive? Surely you noticed SOME of the signs? You’re not innocent here. You chose this. You can’t expect me to be sympathetic.” This doesn’t apply to Rainflower, but since I’m talking about fandom abuse, I think it’s worth a mention.)

-These people can’t be abusers. Because they’re human. They’re loved. And if that’s true… doesn’t that mean you and I are also capable of abuse? That people we know and trust in real life could be abusive? People we look up to? No, no. Of course not. Abusers aren’t human. And as long as we slot them as inhuman entities, as Other, that means we could never become like that. Ever. Anyways, I just got done rewatching all the silly pirate movies, he’s so funny and charming! How could that evil inhuman bitch EVER think he abused her? She is a demon who should rot in hell for making me feel bad about my best celebrity friend. She should��ve just put up and shut up.

-(Really hope it’s obvious, but I know what fandom I’m talking to, so I’m gonna slap an /S here for that whole paragraph)

-And I can’t help but see parallels of that when I look at fandom and you have people going “you’re an abuse apologist if you think this abusive character had a backstory or motive!” or “This comic is bad because it portrays an abuser as having a pleasant relationship with their sibling!”

-The reality is that no one is born evil. No one crawls out the womb ready to commit war crimes or whatever, no matter what Warrior Cats tries to tell you.

-A big thing that allows abuse to fester is power. Familial abuse is so common because the children are under the care of the adults around them that have every right over their autonomy. Becoming a parent is to have power over a small, vulnerable person… and so of course, that creates an environment where the adults are practically welcome to take advantage of that.

-Of course someone might not notice their friend is a child abuser. Their friend probably doesnt have intoxicating power over them, so they don’t see that behavior. And if that friend somehow does hold power over them… well, all the more reason not to rock the boat, right?

-Okay I’m rambling at this point so let’s bring it back to Rainflower. I’ve seen a couple people try to flat out woobify her, which is something I don’t particularly care for personally, but it’s led people to be kinda volatile to those who do try to add… More, to Rainflower. “Oh, you must do that because you don’t think her abuse is that bad!” Even when that’s not at all what people are saying.

-Rainflower isn’t real. The way she’s handled resonates with people, and that IS real, and should be respected. (Again- I’m not saying it’s bad to portray her as pure evil. I’m sure that’s liberating for some people who grew up with a parent like her! Different strokes for different folks)

-But that doesn’t mean we’re not talking about fiction at the end of the day, and no, we are not toning down abuse by daring to ask why Rainflower is the way she is.

-And that’s what I’m gonna ask.

What I’d Like to Do:

-So, Rainstar is leader now. That’s my answer to the awkward way the original renaming is handled.

-I like readings where she’s thoroughly punished, or that Hailstar was biased in her favor and had to be humbled for it later. But I felt particularly spiteful about the “Listen to your leader no matter what or you’re a heathen!” law they’ve only recently let up on (only to mock the change if I’m reading it right) and I was like. Actually let’s play around with that.

-The idea here is that Rainstar is someone who uses her power to abuse those around her. She doesn’t really need to be leader to abuse Stormkit, she has structural power over him as his mother and a warrior, but I wanted her to be leader because… jesus christ can you imagine having your abusive parent be your leader as well? The one who decides what route you take in the clan? Who has autonomy over you for battle patrols? Who can humiliate and punish you with no repercussions? Where your clanmates sticking up for you could be systematically punished for doing do?

-I still need to figure out the timeline here. If she dies at the same time as in canon, how long this goes on for, all the cats that are Team Crookedjaw or Team Rainstar, etc. I’d like him to still have good moments to breathe in between all this, like Brambleberry is still important and advocates for him a lot, his friendship with Willowbreeze and his brotherhood with Oakheart, the barn cats are still helpful to him after he returns. I do think she dies relatively early though. Crookedstar becomes a leader very young.

-Basically though, the idea is that Rainstar is a perfectionist that’s intoxicated on power. Growing up, she seemed to be a perfectly kind warrior. She and Shellheart were a great couple and she was excellent friends with Hailstep and Echomist, even if she could have a competitive streak.

-But… her grandfather was Appledusk. Who died at the serial killer Mapleshade’s claws before he met his kits. Who was also a codebreaker, and implied to have not been the best mate to Reedshine.

-Though the clan forgave him, there was a pressure on his lineage to not repeat his mistakes. After all, if he never had an affair with Mapleshade (broke our wonderful code!) this may not have happened.

-Applefrost and Duskwater made it as top standard warriors, with Duskwater having been deputy before she retired. There wasn’t a single blemish on their records.

-Rainflower felt this pressure throughout her life. She felt confined to clan life, doing whatever she was told. If she was told to jump, she asked how high. She was perfect. A model warrior for the apprentices to look up to. Always smiling and happy to join patrols, attend festivals, taste test meals, etc. She was just what she needed to be… with no room to breathe. No room to fail.

-And of course, because she’s just a cat, she did fail. Like taking too much food at mealtime. Or falling asleep during her vigil. And when she did, it was scandalous. She was berated by her former mentor and parents, cats whispered about how clumsy she was, how she probably couldn’t be leader after all.

-Rainflower would recover, as would her reputation. She climbed the ranks with a raised head and tail. Never faltering if she could help it. Gathering several loyal supporters.

-When she finally became leader though, it was like some of the pressure gave way. She still followed the code, still did her part, she was still exceedingly popular and was responsible for very smart negotiations with the other clans, even managing to work through a sturdy alliance with Heatherstar.

-But… she had more agency atop her clan. Sure, she still couldn’t fail, not ever. But if she had to, say, give a warrior humilating tasks for speaking to her in a tone she didnt like, she could. If her mate and deputy, Shellheart, did something she didn’t like, she could leverage her power over him, with the clan’s support even.

-It was only a matter of time before things got worse… When Oakkit and Stormkit were born. Duskwater died in the storm around the same time they took their first breath. Applefrost had died years prior. Rainstar took pride in her kittens, but the pressure was on once again- never fail. Don’t make us look bad. Don’t make me look bad. If you fail, then I have failed.

-And when Stormkit cracks his jaw that fateful day, he failed. She failed.

-She saw him as a humiliation. Something to be ashamed of. Perfect Rainstar’s son, disfigured.

-When Brambleberry informed her that he would be permanently disabled from now on, resentment began to brew. Even though Stormkit was still healing, she became colder and harsher to him. Propping up Oakkit as her golden child, her winnings. And putting down Stormkit as her failure, something to be ashamed of.

-She essentially dehumanizes Stormkit (and Oakkit to an extent). They are extensions of her. They are something to be idolized. They are something to throw around when you need to release stress. And that’s just what she does when she renames him Crookedkit and decides to keep him a kit forever.

-He doesn’t even get the privilege of being an elder. Elders gave something to their clan and are honored and supported since they’re frail now. Crookedkit didn’t do anything worthy, he acted like a child, and ruined himself, so he gets to stay a child. Forever.

-Crookedkit was unfortunately subject to a lot of public humiliation and pressure during this time. (I’m wondering if Shellheart still dumps Rainstar here. Their mateship is dead either way, but he also probably still tries to suck up to her to keep his deputyship. Kinda torn on whether he flipflops between supporting Crookedjaw or Rainstar because of it… Leaning towards him being just on Crooked’s side, but I also like him having to be a tiebreaker between Brambleberry and Rainstar)

-When Crookedkit is denied his apprentice ceremony for several moons, he runs away to the barn, where he gets properly trained. This is a wip, I wanna reread the book and see how they handle this in canon, but these cats stick around for the rest of his life. Bonefall even had one go back with him in Better Bones, so I think I may take a page out of his book and do that too. (Maybe with a different cat though lol) They remain a support system for him.

-Oakpaw also deals with similar pressure, as well as his mom worshipping him (and knowing he’ll be humiliated like his brother if he “fails”). As a form of escapism, once Crookedkit runs away, he repeats history and starts a secret friendship with Bluepaw, the troublemaker ThunderClan apprentice.

-There is that divide in the clan still. Several cats were indeed outraged at Crookedkit’s treatment… but what can they do? Rainstar will punish them if they help. And she has more supporters than not, for one reason or another, whether it’s her former mentor (undecided, he’s an elder I think) or her friend Hailstep. All of which vouch for her, claiming she has the right to handle her son and clanmate the way they want. And besides… he can’t even eat right, how will he be uuuuusefullllllllll

-Oh yeah there’s also the whole “this society is pretty ableist and is unaccommodating to disabled people” thing. Crookedkit struggles to eat! He deals with pain in his jaw all the time, he slurs his words and cant pronounce certain things. Like in canon, he finds support for this in the barn, not in the clan.

-After he comes back for some reason or another (WIP), he’s nearly full grown and imposing, and now that hes uuuuusefullllllllll (so now he’s ok) Rainstar does relent and let him be an apprentice. But his apprenticeship is long and grueling. She refuses to let him go to gatherings, she constantly attacks him over his training and hunting, she gets pissed if a border patrol sees him, she has him perform tasks that upset his jaw (like helping with construction).

-Crookedpaw is freed, however, when dogs are found in the territory. The two major losses? Shellheart and Rainstar. The deputy and leader.

-And a squirrel with a crooked jaw was found on the freshkill pile.

-(with a note that say “Shadey says hi!!! xoxo kys”)

-To say this caused outrage would be an understatement. Crookedpaw would be going from apprentice to leader! He’s underqualified! Forget not having an apprentice- he’s been one for years!

-But. StarClan’s will can’t be denied, Brambleberry says. (Unsure how much she Knows.)

-So Crookedpaw becomes Crookedstar. A false prophet leader.

-From there I think he’s like a proto Onestar? No civil war but he does deal with a ton of pressure and the psychological weight of having to lead the cats who enabled his mom to hurt him. Still figuring out how he was a leader… but he is kinder to his family. He vows to never leverage his power over Silverkit, ever.

Other Stuff I’d Like to Change But I Dunno How:

-God I hate the ableist names so tbh I’d like to nix that here. Make Crookedstar an honor title like in BB (I really like honor titles so I wanna try them out myself) But I don’t quiiite know how to make it work in this context.

-I think I’ve said this before but I want Mapleshade to have haunted Rainstar too. Maybe put some ideas in her head and made her insecurities worse. My only thing is that I dunno how much influence Mapleshade has at that point. I think Crookedstar was where she upped her game and got more power.

Okay if you read all of this, bless you, thank you <3 this took me a minute so I appreciate it. Also if anyone has any tips or criticism I’d welcome them! Especially on all the abuse talk, some of it came from my own feelings and experiences but I would hate if I funked up the wording or misunderstood something. We’re all capable of harm after all and I am not exempt from that. Also if any of the talk was upsetting, I’ll go reblog some kitten pics as a detox.

[antimony-medusa]

Hi! I don't know if you've followed the debate on twitter these last few days (if you haven't, feel free to ignore this ask, I don't want to drag you into stuff) about whether themes of slavery can be depicted in fictional settings. I'd be curious to have your opinion because you have very based takes on the topic of fanfiction

Boy. I have been at a wedding so I have NOT been following, but a friend dug that one up for me, and boy. Isn't that something.

Okay, do I think that slavery can be depicted in fictional settings?

I'm gonna start this with a caveat of saying that I'm white, and as far as I know my family tree doesn't include any enslaved people. So slavery is an atrocity, but not a personal one for me any more than I feel personally about all atrocities, and your opinion on this subject might be different based on your experience, and that's completely fair. This is just the opinion of someone who thinks about content warnings and representation and exchange rules sometimes, and honestly if you want to take my answer as me saying "i'm white, anything I say after this doesn't really matter" that's a fair read of the situation. End post.

But further, the siren song of being asked a question:

My general stance is that there are very few things that can't be depicted in fictional settions, but there are a lot of things that should be depicted with care and research. And I consider major archive warnings to be one of these things. (I'm on the team that says that in an ideal world we would have a major archive warning for racism or slavery.) I don't think that there are any topics that are inherently off-limits for fiction.

If you're interested in writing professionally, there's a workshop called Writing The Other that does intros into writing topics that you don't share experiences with, and they do a really good job of breaking down the ways that you can analyze your work for cliches and stereotypes and other weaknesses, and ways that you can research to avoid them. It's an excellent workshop and I really recommend it— they even do scholarships, which is how I got to join! I consider them the industry standard of the question of "can I write about this", and as I remember it their basic answer is that the more outside of your experience a thing is, the more research you have to do to make sure you don't mess it up, and the more central to your story a thing is, the more you want to make sure that you don't mess it up. So sometimes you do hit topics and you go "am I the right person to tell this story, should I leave this topic to someone who knows it more personally, who's studied this". But that doesn't mean that you can't tell the story, it just means that to do it well, you have to put the work in. And that no one is obliged to trust you on the surface of things to have put the work in. I am probably going to trust an author who I know is disabled to have written disability well, for example, more than an ablebodied author. But there are authors out there that I know do their research and I pretty much trust them to deal with any topic carefully, if they want to take it on. A lot of the time, the more sensative a topic you are touching, the more you need a relationship of trust between author and reader, and sometimes you have to earn that trust carefully.

And boy is there fiction out there that deals with sensitive topics in ways that does not earn that trust. I have read things that I find highly distasteful. I have read published work that chooses to deal with real life atrocities in ways that I find wildly uncomfortable and I do not tend to recommend those books or authors.

I have also read nuanced and insightful explorations of horrific things, including slavery, including domestic violence, including racism, in ways that I felt enriched my understanding of the world and the people around me. I've read books that carefully touched on things like childhood sexual abuse and police violence and involuntary commitment, and that didn't make the story not a life-affirming and joyful experience, because the stories were able to take these things and make healing and catharsis out of them. Simply hearing that a story deals with a topic does not tell you if it's a story to recommend to others. We all live lives that sometimes touch on terrible things, and I think that trying to police who can tell stories about bad things leads into bad things like making people prove that they've suffered enough to write or shit like "are you black enough for this story", and I don't want that in my writing community. I have literally seen the bad end for going down that road, check out "helicopter discourse," and I'm against that.

I'm against that enough that I'm willing to endure people who do not share an experience writing badly about terrible things as the price we have to pay to allow people who have personal stake in the situation to be able to explore sensitive topics without harassment. Especially with fanfiction, we're dealing with amateur writers, so unfortunately most of the time when you have a subject come up the default assumption is going to be that it's dealt with badly. But I personally fall on the side that it's worth five people writing it badly to allow the one person who's personally impacted to write about it as much or as little as they want. My personal bugbear is terminal illness in children, that's my trauma, but I would personally rather have people write horrible tearjerker fic about aging down their characters and killing them off and it's so sad, even though I don't want that, rather than to say that that topic is off-limits to people.

On the topic specifically of slavery, this fandom, as many fandoms do, has a habit of including slavery and human trafficing as themes in their writing. A lot of the time this is not done well. We have a lot of baby writers who are deliberately writing the saddest thing they can think of or writing unjust societies for their guys to rebel against. This is not what I would say is a strength of the writing in the fandom, taken as a whole. And some people do their research and do it well! I've read great fics that pull from history in an informed way and do interesting things with it! But not everybody, good lord.

But saying that because a lot of people deal badly with slavery nobody should deal with slavery is not a path forward that I'm personally in support of. Do I think it should be tagged? Absolutely. Nobody should hit that unawares. But a lot of societies through human history practiced slavery of one kind or another! If you are drawing from roman history for your gladiator au, most of those guys were not there of their own free will. Tropes like fae folklore includes themes of posession and ownership, because that was the background radiation to the lives of the people who told these stories in the first place. There are a lot of tropes where these topics are going to arise, and I don't think that's inherently bad (though I personally would certainly feel a lot more comfortable with pulling on classical and medieval history for these stories rather than 1800s America, for example). And like, you can absolutely try your best to steer around these topics! That's an option! But honestly if you're doing something historic or historic-inspired, I'm not sure if it's more respectful to write a fantasy past in which greek history did not include slavery. That's whitewashing of history by definition. So if you want to avoid that, you're left with most of human history off-limits to write about, because of the atrocities? And I don't think that's ideal.

And like, I think with fanfiction you kind of just have to accept as background radiation that there are going to be a lot of people dealing with topics that they are not equipped to deal with. That's just how it goes. These are people writing with minimal research, experience, and editing, cause we're all here for fun, not professional development. You're gonna have people mishandle things. And that's why I think tagging is really really important, so that you can see the tags on a fic and go "oh I do not trust them with that topic" and navigate away, or filter the topic entirely. I have my touchpoints that I steer away from, and I have 100% clicked away from stories in horror going "oh no no no no no that's not good." But I don't think people should all be banned from writing about these things because some people do it badly.

Note: that doesn't mean that like, we shouldn't have conversations about how maybe if you put the minecraft men in your story where hybrid trafficing is a metaphor for the underground railroad, you should do that Carefully. We can still strive to do better. I have Seen Things and there is room to improve. There's room for discussion about people using slavery for cheap angst, in the same way that I've talked about the treatment of disability used for angst, and I've seen people talk about the agency allowed female characters, and the list goes on.

And that doesn't mean that I'm not going to 100% respect it if I get a DNW in an exchange where someone has said they don't want slavery or hybrid racism. People should be able to opt out of these topics (entirely! even if they're dealt with well!) and nobody has to read things they don't want to.

So in essense, when it comes to writing sensitive topics like slavery I'm going to do my best to think about what I'm doing and do my research— and I have written slavery and human-trafficing-type-deals before, I like gladiator aus and classical-inspired fantasy— and I'm going to tag so that anyone who doesn't trust me— and nobody has to trust me— can navigate away. But when it comes to policing what other people are writing, I don't think it does anyone any good to post callouts on twitter. At most I'm going to warn a friend that a certain fic deals with a topic badly. That's my viewpoint.

[good-beanswrites]

I wrote my little Purge March section for Lights, Camera, Sing Your Sins :) Since I just snuck it into a preexisting chapter, I figured I'd make a quick post with it on it's own 👍

Amane knelt on the cold tile. She watched the water trickle from the ends of her hair. She could feel droplets across her whole body. She shivered slightly in the tight space.

Before Jackalope had even finished uttering ‘cut’ , a dozen hands were lifting her off the ground. Her head spun with all the voices offering comforting words. 

She gaped from inside the bundle of towels she’d been immediately wrapped in. Kazui had pulled one tightly around her shoulders while Yuno was using another to dab at her head. Kotoko knelt in front of her, rubbing her hands between hers to warm them up. Muu held up her change of clothes, with what looked like one of her own sweaters thrown in. Shidou and Fuuta ushered them out of the set pieces. The area had been designed to look as clustered as her home, but it was much more open than the cameras caught. With just a few steps she was back in the bright, warm studio.

Amane frowned, trying to shrug off the towel. “There’s no need for all of this. I signed off on my script, same as you all. None of you were treated as such during your videos.”

Mikoto poked his index finger into her shoulder. “Yeah, because none of us went through half the shit you did. Trust me, this isn’t because you’re a kid, it’s because this is majorly fucked up.”

She opened her mouth, but all her words died out. For so long, she’d repeated her protests that this was just how things were. She was finding it more and more difficult to argue with the others. She was having a hard time knowing what was wrong to believe.

“I really enjoyed your marching band rehearsal yesterday,” Shidou said, offering a warm smile. She did not return it. She could see through his weak attempt to change the subject. “Er… that looked very fun…”

“Yes, yes!” Yuno chimed in, giving her towel-swaddled body a squeeze. “I didn’t know you could baton twirl! You need to teach me, I’ve always wanted to do stuff like that!”

“Of course.” As the others joined in agreement, Amane did manage to return a bit of their warmth. She was rightfully proud of yesterday’s work. She’d impressed them with her perfect routine. It felt good to boast of a skill that none of those older than her could. Though it was shameful to admit, Amane was really looking forward to tomorrow’s filming. She wouldn’t even mind Shidou’s attention, if he was part of the group praising her talents.

As Yuno went on about the cute costume she’d get for filming the next day, Amane heard Mahiru from behind her. She’d grown more agitated with Jackalope, and her voice raised.

“What paperwork? This is horrific. You should be able to take her out of there in an instant.”

“We’ve got some unorthodox methods here, but I am not stealing a child. Please, Shiina, I’ll tell you when we make progress. Heh, don’t let this turn you into a kidnapper.”

“Well,” she could hear Kotoko, “it’s better than a murderer. Which is what I may be after watching this. And for real, this time.”

Fuuta joined in. “If I ever see any of these fuckers in person --”

“Keep your voice down,” Kazui said, “that’s her family you’re talking about. …Not that I disagree. But she doesn’t need to hear that.”

“Why not?” Fuuta muttered. “She was gonna do it anyway…”

It was true. Though, her motivation had been righteous, virtuous. Theirs was out of vengeance. ...Though, was vengeance in another’s’ name better? What about vengeance in her name?

“Either way,” Jackalope said, “I’m doing everything I can. You’ll be the first to know, okay?”

Amane tried not to dwell on it. Today, she just needed to hold her head high and do her duty, no matter how difficult things became. 

And she had always excelled at that.

So, she sank into the warm bundle. She leaned into Kotoko beside her. She accepted a drink from Haruka. She talked with the others as they asked more questions about her upcoming routine. Conflicting thoughts about what was wrong may have plagued her, but in that moment, she knew for certain that this felt right.

[zahri-melitor]

20 Questions for Fic Writers Tag Game

Thank you @androxys for the tag!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

I have 46 works on AO3 at the moment. There's a handful more spread over various other places, but at this point I've uploaded all of my back catalogue that I want to have archived there.

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

113,119 words. Which is pretty respectable given I tend not to write long pieces.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Whatever is currently causing my brain to itch! At the moment that's most DC Comics, but I do have a few Yuri!!! on Ice drafts sitting around that I may or may not finish, at least one Girl Genius piece I could tidy up, a bunch of ATLA snippets, and I can frequently be provoked into writing Vorkosigan Saga if people pose the right scenarios.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

College Daze: a Yuri!!! on Ice SkyGem Retirement Challenge piece, where I don't bother with the reveal. It's three separate scenarios where people meet Yuuri as a college student in the US and don't know who he is. I'm entirely unsurprised it remains my most popular - it was a very popular challenge in the fandom and it's a lot more accessible and pandering to fandom tastes than some other stuff I write.

Find Out What It Means To Me: an immediate sequel to Yuri!!! on Ice, set around Japanese Nationals. Yuuri doubts himself but succeeds and finds how much love and support he has from the whole Japanese skating community. I love this piece because it's very much a balance of things I enjoy (fiddly technical details) and characterisation.

the picture frames have changed and so has your name: DC Comics. What if Dick no longer loved Tim? What if Dick got Morrison Disease? Ahahaha I think you all know this one. It's my big DC piece so far, so I'm not surprised it's up here. It also contains female characters that casual DC fans have never heard of in major roles, so I'm also not surprised it doesn't get the attention fanon-based material does in this fandom.

Little Chick in a Nest: Yuri!!! on Ice. Victor introduces Yuuri to Lilia, without realising that Minako was also a famous prima ballerina. The YOI fandom loves Minako's Benois, but it's a tiny set dressing detail; Victor probably overlooked it and nobody ever talks about Minako as a famous dancer. I had a lot of fun setting up Victor to put his foot in it.

there's an endless road to rediscover: DC Comics. Dick and Tim playfight in the Cave and Damian misreads the situation. I think this one is popular just because of the interplay between the characters, and it was my first attempt at trying to get my head around Damian as a character.

5. do you respond to comments?

Pretty much always. It's the time I spent on LJ coming through, because comments are for talking, and if you talk to me I'll talk back. If you're waiting on a response it's usually because I'm formulating some massive post. Also I tend to meet people where they pitch their comment - the longer and more detailed it is the more detail and discussion you'll get back.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'll hold your memory in my hands tonight. It's pretty hard to beat this one for angst in terms of the subject matter. (I still giggle to myself over the pun in this title because it's dreadful) Anyway CTE is something I have a lot of feelings about and they recently diagnosed two women as having suffered CTE due to domestic violence, which is horrific and really shows the long term problems and dangers from family violence.

Then there's A Duty to Your Family and Soft, Small, Silent, Still, one of which contains attempted infanticide and the other which contains canonical accidental toddler death, so you know. When I give heads up warnings I tend to mean them.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

...Happiest? hmmmm. I have a bunch of fluff, but probably Find Out What It Means To Me for YOI, Herds of Little Vorkosigans for Vorkosigan Saga, and These Small Hours for DC Comics?

Yes okay that's two baby fics and the one where everyone tells Yuuri he's the best.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Almost none that I'm aware of; there's occasionally a bit of pedantry on the Vorkosigan Saga fics but that's from known notorious figures in the fandom and I largely ignore them. If anyone's busy having a hate on for my fics they're kind enough to do it the correct way, which is privately where I can't see it.

9. do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. The closest I get is playing around with innuendo at times in my writing. I'd really rather insinuate and then fade to black, it's heaps less awkward to write.

10. do you write crossovers?

I was going to play good old 'what do you mean by crossover' as far as DC Comics goes, but the answer is a frank yes, because I've got a West Wing & Grease crossover drabble I'm Not Pregnant which is leveraging Stockard Channing appearing in both.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've ever noticed, and I honestly suspect it's unlikely to happen. I would need to write things that get more attention than I currently get, designed to hit fandom popular tropes.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. None of my Vorkosigan Saga stuff is popular enough to get a Russian translation and it doesn't fit the preferred tropes of that end of fandom anyway.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nothing I've ever specifically published as fic. I do have some commentfic over the years where there's been back and forth between me and someone else, but alas commentfic is a dying breed in fandom these days.

(and it's a LOT more informal than proper cowriting)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

All time favourite? Oh gosh. Probably Wally/Norah from Billabong, which hits just so many of my favourite notes for a relationship. Nothing for me will ever beat Wally throwing himself at Norah's mercy to confess that he would rather have died than Jim as he's 'nobody's dog', and Norah claiming him as her own.

I've loved those two since I was a little kid, and you know how it is with ships you acquire in that formative period.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I remain hopeful about a lot of my stash but I just can't see myself finishing a piece I have about Steph's baby and Helena Kyle. It's a fun scenario, but I cannot work out the villain who came after them both, and so it remains a setting without a plot.

16. What are your writing strengths?

From what people have said to me: I'm pretty good at paring down language and telling a lot of story in small scenes and understatement. There's a bunch of compliments I've had over the structure of TES 34/64 that I treasure, and everyone lost their minds over "the shoes had eventually come in handy. For the funerals." in a gap where a parent should be.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Oh, this is something I have strong feelings about. I don't like loan words being translated and multilingual fandoms often have a working level of loan words that is higher than background use: think for example the amount of French commonly used when discussing ballet. So I tend to think you should use languages at the level of comfort that the fandom has for them.

It often comes down to the fluency of the characters in the scene - I think dialogue in another language can be quite powerful if some of the characters understand it and others don't, because you can leverage that variation in understanding in your audience. However personally I'm more likely to note what languages are being used in dialogue tags than arrange for a translation.

I do try to localise for word choice to the setting of a fic but at this point I've been in fandom too long and and I'm too stubborn to localise spelling for my writing.

Which means if I were to write Wellington Paranormal fic I would probably be using my extremely scanty Māori mixed through the dialogue; I wouldn't bother translating kia ora or whānau for instance. But on the other hand I'm not going to write in another language unless it makes sense for the story to do so.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

That I published? Harry Potter. Which I'm not ashamed of or upset over, really. It was a good fandom to learn how fandom worked in, and it certainly inoculated me against a lot of nonsense behaviour later on. I still have friends I made back then, I learned a lot about how Internet communities function and behave, and it's sort of weird to have things I was on the fringe of and have contemporary memories of occurring having become Fandom Lore.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Oh damn. Hmmm. Look, probably the picture frames have changed and so has your name, because I'm super proud of myself for finishing it, but in terms of underrated pieces I have to to point to the Mother's Day series, particularly Tea for Two, because DC mothers deserve so much more love.

I don't have anyone specific to tag so let's make it an open offer.

[hpowellsmith]

March Reading

I read a lot of books this month, and had great luck with how much I enjoyed them! Favourites are bolded.

Brute: Stories of Dark Desire, Masculinity & Rough Trade - ed. Steve Berman

A collection of dark erotica stories about queer men: a variety of horror, thriller, and character studies. Some didn't entirely land for me as they were just a bit too gruesome for me to entirely enjoy, but I did love 'Dark, Firm, and Dry' by Rien Gray, 'Dick Pig' by Ian Muneshwar, and 'The Boy Who Went Forth To Learn What Fear Was by LC Von Hessen'; 'Suitcase Sam' by Tom Cardamone was horrific enough to disturb me afterwards. There were a few trans guy protagonists but amid a lot of lovingly-described gigantic cis men, trans men didn't get described as objects of desire; it made me realise how much I'd like to read more erotica or steamy romance where a trans man is written in the lavish/idealised/thirsty way a lot of the cis men were in this collection. It was also interesting that most of the protagonists were strongly submissive; it's sparked off a lot of offline conversations about erotic fiction and depictions of kink therein, and my own thoughts about how I write erotic scenes (though I don't consider what I write intensely kinky). I'd enjoy writing more about this subject but I'm not sure Tumblr is the place for it; maybe a blogpost one day?

Love Kills Twice - Rien Gray

I adored this high-heat F/NBi romantic suspense book. The characters were hot and appealing, with a lot of substance and groundedness to them along with it. The plot was tight and I devoured the whole thing at top speed. Much recommended!

The Salt Path - Raynor Winn

A memoir about a fifty-year-old farmer and her husband who became homeless and walked England's South West Coast Path. Powerful and evocative in places: I enjoyed it, though some of the descriptions and dialogue of the people encountered melted into one another a bit. I'm realising that I rather like these people-hit-rock-bottom-and-walk-in-the-wilderness-about-it books. They always inspire me to look outward and get outdoors, albeit in a lower-key way.

The Eye in the Door - Pat Barker (reread)

This was quite nostalgic for me, because I read it a long time ago (before the first in the series, actually). I like elements of it more than Regeneration - getting to know Billy Prior better, the city scenes, depiction of queerness and homophobia beyond what Siegfried Sassoon talks about in Regeneration, some of the socialist politics and class consciousness - but the main plot hadn't fully stuck with me. I think I see why: there are several long sequences that I found hard to focus on, and some of it is a bit strange, veering into depictions of multiple-personality-disorder that have been pretty debunked nowadays. Still, I enjoyed revisiting it. The sense that William Rivers is on the verge of breakdown feels palpable and gripping.

Love Bleeds Deep - Rien Gray

Justine and Campbell are on a not-so-idyllic not-exactly-honeymoon in France, growing accustomed to life together and the combination of enjoying a private life and Campbell's deadly occupation. This doesn't shy away from the psychological damage both leads have suffered, while also showing exactly how much they mean to each other. Again I loved it just as much as the first one.

Love Burns Bright - Rien Gray

So many romance books focus on the sexy getting-together part, and sequels don't always keep the spark going. But this series is so good for that and for keeping the emotional connections between the gorgeous characters. In this one, we meet Justine's family, which is already fraught as Justine wasn't in a position to be in touch with them for a long time - but things soon get complicated. I loved it.

A Love So Dark - Rien Gray

Such a good finale for an amazing dark queer romance series! The relationship between Justine and Campbell is beautifully drawn and as hot as ever - no weird misunderstandings or other relationship-drama nonsense - but their situation is anything but settled as some consequences from earlier books come back to haunt them. What a fantastic series this is! Some of the books I've read about nonbinary characters treat them as learning opportunities, or as nice best friends, or as a vehicle for positive rep, and I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a fully-formed, hot, flawed, adult nonbinary character making their way through excellent thriller plots. I love Campbell and Justine and I'm sorry to see them go, but it was an amazing ride with them.

Valerin the Fair - Rien Gray

A beautifully-written fantasy novella, the first in the Out of True series about sapphic knights. The details are so lovely - they remind me of what I loved about the prose style in Spear by Nicola Griffith - and the intimate scenes are stunning. You can download this for free, so if this sounds like your cup of tea, do give it a look!