#stupidest cover name I’ve ever heard

[adapotata]

Franky is a malicious uncle and he’s funny af for that

franky’s present

i love franky so much

[utilitycaster]

Hi! Hope you don’t mind me asking but, I’ve seen you comment about a “fjord moon” theory every so often in your tags, and I’m quite curious what’s it about? I don’t think I’ve ever heard about it, is it something more prevalent in twitter spaces?

It started in Reddit spaces but it had a moment within the fandom at large during Campaign 2, especially after a YouTube video surfaced shortly after the campaign had come back from hiatus in August 2020. It hasn't come up lately since Campaign 3's plot pretty thoroughly debunked it, which wasn't necessary for reasons I will cover below.

I talked about how stupid it was at the time, and will do so again but I don't feel like looking back through my archives to find that post, so: the idea was that Fjord was from Ruidus. I call it a theory because its creators called it a theory but it was really just a lot of incoherent yelling that unfortunately happened to fall into the hands of a prolific and popular but talentless video maker and was boosted by a prolific and popular but deeply stupid figure on CR Twitter.

You can read it here but in short he basis was that Fjord was actually a Spelljammer Space Orc (Scro; yes this is just Orcs backwards; Spelljammer is not exactly the most brilliant of concepts) because he was intelligent and walked upright, ignoring that Spelljammer was, at the time, from D&D 2e only which can generously be described as "wicked racist in the depiction of orcs". Not that 5e is not without its foibles, but it had largely 86-ed the worst of the racism that pervaded earlier orc depictions. Also Garthok pre-dated Fjord and was a half-orc with the same intelligence, but what are facts to an idiot. So anyway this guy working off a deeply racist older concept for orcs spun this into a wild conspiracy theory involving the fact that Travis likes Dragonball Z; something about the film Spaceballs (as far as I know Travis has said absolutely nothing about this, this is just that the Mel Brooks Star Wars parody and my personal childhood favorite Spaceballs exists I think?) and various other random pulls from science fiction media. This guy asked a question at a panel and mistook the cast looking at him like he had lost the plot as a sign he was onto something. Somehow, people listened to him.

Here's the thing about theorycraft. It is more important, in writing a theory, that you base it on evidence than that you get it correct. Any dipshit can guess and any lucky dipshit can guess correctly, but if you show that you can't structure an argument for beans, anyone who can structure an argument for beans will rightfully look at you and say "well, they predicted something once, but that's a fucking fluke because they're a fucking joke." Theories should explain something that needs explanation (Fjord having an INT of 14 and the name Fjord and being an orphan does not). They should not solely rest on things the cast likes or things that merely exist in-world and certainly not from Spaceballs and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the connection of which to Critical Role in that Reddit post is not explained, ever.

To give some examples of good, mediocre, and bad but at least not nearly that bad theorycraft: the theory that Ashton was a meteor that was around early in C3 is in my mind not very good, but at least it fits within Exandria canon and explained something about Ashton needing explanation at the time. The theory that The Emissary is the source of the stasis bubbles is in my mind a very good one explaining several key mysteries (source of stasis bubbles; why Erathis sent him rather than coming himself). The theory that Bor'Dor was a dog was fucking stupid and made no sense nor did it explain anything that needed explanation (and also wildly misjudged how border collies behave) but did at least not say "also, the TV show Lassie...exists in our reality, and this is evidence" The Fjord Moon Theory is maybe the stupidest and worst CR theory I've seen in my entire life, and it's up there for fandom theories over all. I get that it was August 2020 and I don't begrudge people who were very bored and scared from joking about it while not taking it seriously, but I do begrudge those who did take it seriously because like, come on.

Anyway, I bring it up in tags sometimes because many of the worst C3 takes on Twitter that make it to me via "can you fucking believe this" screenshots in the groupchat are either started or propagated by Former Moon Theory People.

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Ain't no hips like a cowboy's

Barbie dolls: Billy Bonney x gender neutral reader

Word: 2.1k

Summary: uh you accidentally spill the beans that you like to sexualize cowboys in your free time to Billy and uh hilarity ensues

Warnings: you have a horse named Constance cuz that's a cool name, you have a friend named Dixie, you really like hips, like a lot, uh ranching and ranches described by someone who exclusively likes on a farm not a ranch, obscene amount of southern slang so eyeah, hat rule sorry it's really funny to me I can't not include it, you work in a bar mayhaps even a saloon if you feel like it, mentions of eating, mention of death, suggestive content mentions that you prob masturbate, alcohol consumption written by someone who only drinks Pepsi, yea I guess thats it

Life in the West didn’t have too many pleasures so you treasured them when you found them. You savored a funny customer at the bar, a laugh was favorable to nasty comments. You kept an eye on sunrises when you were pulled from your bed too early in the morning, you thought of the colors when you wanted to shank the next person you saw. You thanked cooks with all your heart when they gave you food that warmed your whole body and soul. Your most recent pleasure, finding out the town cowboys practiced in a nearby ranch.

Even more, you had a cover to watching them. The rancher wanted a little more money so his stablemen were open to the public. Truely you just wanted to get your horse, Constance, new shoes. Not your fault the only entertaining thing was the cowboys riding their horses around in the cow pen a short walk away. You even told your friend Dixie about it. You both brought your horses to the ranch. Apparently, the ranchers were used to your appearance because you didn’t have to tell them what you wanted they just shooed you off. 

You waited for Dixie at the pen, watching the man with the stupidest hat you’d ever seen chasing a cow around the circle. You heard boots scraping in the dirt, alerting you of Dixie’s presence. You smiled, already happy to have her here with you. 

“Like watchin’ their hips. Rocking back and forth. I know it’s because of the horse but I use my imagin-“ You tore your eyes off the cowboy’s rocking hips to meet Dixie’s eyes. Only it wasn’t her soft honey eyes staring back at you, it was the harsh blue of William H. Bonney. You sucked in a harsh breath, taking a step back. He had a grin pulling at his lips that he was trying to hide and failing miserably. 

“Sorry, Mr. Bonney. I thought you were my friend, Dixie.” You muttered, trying to kick off the gnawing embarrassment clutching to your leg. You looked back to the cowboy but likeing the view a lot less now. 

“Please, I don’t mind. Don’t mind at all. Call me Billy, no need for fancy names ‘round here” Billy joined you at your side, kicking his foot up between the large gate. You clenched your teeth and pretended to not mind, watching the man in the stupid hat lose his hold on his lasso again. He was a horrific cowboy but his hips. Billy tapped your forearm, gaining your attention again. 

“You work at the bar, yes?” You nodded. Billy gave you a soft smile. “I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while now.” He said, pressing his knuckle to his lips. You pretend you didn’t follow his hand with your eyes or let them linger. Billy’s lips twitched and you felt your embarrassment claw at your leg again. You shrugged, looking away from him. 

“Why haven’t you?” You stared at him as he mulled over your question. He hummed. Billy dropped his hand from his mouth, settling it on the top of the fence. You watched his face attentively as he tilted his head from side to side. You’d seen him in your bar, he never ordered from you though, instead asking a waitress. You just thought he held a small dislike for you. Obviously not large because you’d be dead. 

“Scared you wouldn’t like me, held my tongue because of it,” Billy explained, tilting his head to catch your eyes again. You snarled. Billy chuckled at your face, smiling while you smothered your disdain. 

“You’re denser than no-proof bread.” You mutter, looking back to the stupid hat man. He lost his lasso again, man he was a mess. Billy clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes and turning his head from you. You scoffed, letting out a light chuckle to ease the tension. 

“It’s true!” Billy faced you again, shaking his head. 

“No, it ain’t.” He grumbled. You pressed your lips into a tight line. He was grumpy now. How is it your fault he’s dense? 

“Oh, hunny. Don’t get all hurrmphy on me. Not your fault your skull’s thicker than rocks.” Your tone was comforting, the same one you’d use on a toddler who just experienced the wet sock feeling. Billy clenched his teeth and stared at you. Are you done? You gave him a soft smile, not quite.

”It’ll be a cold day in hell when I don’t like you, Willam H. Bonney. I do hope you know that.” Billy smothered his smile, sniffing and looking over his shoulder to school his face. You smiled, glad you were able to fix his grumpiness. He looked back at you, squinting at the sun. 

“I ought to holler at you more then.” Billy offered, watching your reaction closer. You nodded. 

“Ought.” You agreed. Dixie’s curls came bouncing into your view, a bright purple dress fluttering around her. You smiled and waved her over. Billy looked up and watched her as she joined you on your other side. 

“Blacksmith 'bout as useful as a pair of tits on a bull. He looked about 12 and couldn't reach a horse’s reins with a footstool. Ridiculous.” Dixie fanned herself with her gloves and groaned. “This better be a mighty fine show.” You smiled and looked back to Billy. He glanced down at the ground before pulling his eyes to the stupid hat man. Billy let out a whistle and righted his hat on his head. He looked back at you and raised an eyebrow. He leaned down and lightly dragged his lips across your cheekbone to the shell of your ear. 

“Watch my hips, will ya’?” He whispered, letting his lips linger before pulling back again. You smiled and nodded as Billy walked away from you. He headed straight for the stupid hat man who was now waiting in the pen with the horse standing next to him. Billy pulled himself over the edge of the pen and headed straight for the stupid hat man. Billy took the reins from him and waved him off. The stupid hat man made a beeline for the edge of the pen, flinging himself over it. He took a few angry steps away from the pen and threw his hat in the dirt. Thank the stars. 

You looked back to Billy. His eyes were already on you. He tipped his hat down and dug his heel into the horse’s side. You kept your eyes on him as he traveled the horse around the pen, flinging his lasso around the cows’ necks here and there. Dixie reached over and shook your arm back and forth.

“How was I?” Billy asked when he was close enough to be in your hearing range. You feigned boredom, shrugging and looking around like the dirt was more interesting. 

You let your eyes dip from his smile, down the line of buttons on his shirt, to his hips. You committed the image to memory, planning to bring it back to the surface later during the night.

You weren’t sure if he usually rolled his hips that much. You’d seen him in town riding down the street a few times but you always felt guilty looking at him with such lust without his knowledge. Now he knew exactly where your eyes were, so maybe it was on purpose.

You lost focus of what any other part of him was doing, solely focused on his hips rocking back and forth. You weren’t sure how long you spent like that but you were pulled from it when his hips stalled. You looked up to his face. Billy looked away from the reins and saddle, meeting your eyes. You grinned and nodded at him. Billy demounted the horse and handed it back off to the stupid hat man. Billy jumped over the pen, heading straight for you. 

“You were alright.” Billy chuckled, running his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip. 

“So that’s not drool on your chin?” Billy asked, wiping at the corner of his mouth. You smothered the urge to wipe your mouth. You glared at Billy. 

“I think our horses’ shoes must be done, need to head out before someone claims poor Constance as a freebie.” You said, reaching back to latch onto Dixie’s arm. You pulled her with you, heading off to the barn. Billy groaned. 

“Leaving already, sweet thing? Shame. If only I knew what time you worked at the bar.” Billy said, tilting his head back to watch you walk with Dixie. You smiled. 

“Oh yeah. Be a real shame if you knew I worked from sunup to sundown every weekday, that’d be terrible.” You hoped to pull a bright grin from him again. The one he was sporting now had you seeing spots. 

“Hey there, stranger.” Your smile grew at the sound of Billy’s voice. You turned to face him. He sat down on a stool across from you, smiling at you. 

You didn’t think of him again until he was sauntering through your bar doors. It was already a rowdy night. The band in the corner was working the crowd into a frenzy. The boots were stomping against the wooden floors in tandem with the beat. You couldn’t stop yourself from tapping along with them.

Cheers followed the end of another song. You set down the glass of whiskey you were pouring to clap along. You returned to your work and slid the glass to the man who ordered it. You smiled and watched the band start another song, the fiddle player swirling around in a spin. 

“What can I get you, Billy?” You asked, tilting your head to the side. He squinted and glanced around you to make a decision. 

“Just a whiskey.” He said, sitting back on his stool. You hummed and pulled a new glass out, setting it in front of him. You finished it quickly and pushed the glass closer to him. Billy rested his hand on the lip of the glass. 

“Thank you, baby,” Billy muttered before taking a small sip and setting the glass back down. You dug your teeth into the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling at the name. You screwed the cap on the bottle and set it back on its shelf, returning it to Billy. He watched you as you waited in front of him to start the conversation. 

“So how often do you think about cowboys riding horses?” Billy asked, bringing his glass to his mouth again. You scrunched your nose. 

“Any cowboy or just you?” You pressed, leaning forward on the bar to be closer to Billy. His eyebrow twitched up. He set his glass back down and met your eyes. 

“Mm, just me,” Billy muttered. You hummed and glanced up at the ceiling for a brief second. You wanted to give him a correct answer. The more you thought of it the less you thought you could properly come up with the right number. You thought of him a bit too much now that you fully mulled it over. 

“Too often. You’ve been plaguing my mind ever since I saw you in town on your first day here.” You said, giving him a soft smile. You ignored the ball of nerves that crawled up your throat. Your thoughts reeled at the thought of him getting grossed out by you. Billy hummed. 

“There’s something on your face,” Billy muttered. Your hands moved to your face, rubbing at your cheeks. 

“Where?” Billy gestured at his face, it was no help at all. It was too general. You rubbed at your face furiously, wondering what on earth he was talking about. 

“No. There.” He pointed generally at your face again. You furrowed your eyebrows and scrubbed at your skin. 

“No, it’s right there,” Billy said, pointing again. You smacked his finger away and leaned forward. 

“Just get it, you’re getting me all wound up like a wet hen.” You said. Billy reached forward and wiped at your cheek with one hand. While the other one moved under your radar, your focus on his skin against yours. Billy plucked his hat from his head as he continued to rub your cheek. Your eyes stayed glued to his. Billy placed his hat on your head, pushing it down to keep it sturdy. You grinned at the feeling, catching onto his rouse. 

“There wasn’t nothing on my face, was there?” You ask, tilting your head to the side. Billy smiled brightly, shaking his head. 

“Nope.” Billy said, leaning back in his stool to finish his whiskey. You shook your head, rolling your eyes in the process. You pulled away from him at the sound of another customer calling your name. 

“You’re shameless, Mr. Bonney. Truly.”

[yes-but-theyre-my-dorks]

Buzzfeed Unsolved x MCU: The Battle of New York

summary: Shane and Ryan do a Supernatural Unsolved episode on the Battle of New York

rating: PG-13 for language

warnings: none really? language

word count: ~1.6k

a/n: I wrote a fic like this years ago, but unfortunately I deleted that tumblr account back in 2019 and I literally cannot find any record of my post anymore. I couldn’t even find the original copy anywhere on my computer. hope y’all enjoy it! extra info found on the MCU fandom wiki.

Ryan: This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’re covering the Battle of New York, an event that destroyed half of Manhattan in a single afternoon and opened the world’s eyes to the existence of extraterrestrial life. Bet you feel pretty fuckin’ stupid now, huh Shane?

Shane: Now, look here, I am pretty fuckin’ stupid, but I have never said that I don’t believe in aliens.

Ryan: You say it literally every time we do an episode on aliens.

Shane: No, I’ve said that I don’t believe aliens have ever interacted with humans before.

Ryan: All I’m hearing are excuses.

Shane: Who’s pretty fuckin’ stupid now?

Ryan: Still you.

Shane: Damn, when you’re right you’re right.

Ryan: Can I get into the case now?

Shane: Go ahead, open your file with a single piece of paper in it and tell us all about it.

Ryan: Let’s get into it.

On May 1st, 2012, in a secret, underground facility in the middle of the Mojave, experiments were being performed on an object called “the Tesseract.” The scientists performing the experiment were employed by the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, otherwise known as “S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Shane: Wait a second, say that name again?

Ryan: S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Shane: No no no, the acronym.

Ryan: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.

Shane: (wheeze) That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard.

Ryan: Yeah, it does seem like they’re trying too hard.

Shane: Someone really wanted their organization to spell out “SHIELD.” What a bunch of nerds.

Ryan: The Tesseract had been used during World War II by Nazi scientists Johann Schmidt and Arnim Zola to create energy weapons that were capable of completely pulverizing its targets. It was briefly lost when Captain Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America, hijacked a German bomber called the Valkyrie that was on course to destroy multiple major cities across the United States. He was unable to change course, so instead he attempted to fly the Valkyrie into the ocean and ended up landing in an ice field in Greenland. The Tesseract was found by Howard Stark not long after, although Captain Rogers and the Valkyrie were not found until about 70 years later.

The Tesseract changed owners several times, but by 2012 it was in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s possession during Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S., which was an acronym for “Potential Energy Group - Alternate Sources - United States.”

Shane: Oh you’ve got to be kidding me.

Ryan: (wheeze)

Shane: Fuckin’ tryhards. 

Ryan: On May 1, 2012, there was an incident involving the Tesseract. The facility was breached by Loki Laufeyson, an alien born on Uranus and raised on Saturn. Thanks to Natasha Romanoff leaking all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s data in 2014, all security footage from that night is available to the public. While they were experimenting on the Tesseract, it opened a portal through which Loki was able to come to Earth. He attacked and killed several agents using a staff that looked to be powered by something similar to the Tesseract. He used the same staff to subdue several agents and scientists through mind control. He even used it on Clint Barton, also known as Hawkeye: an actual Avenger!

Shane: Now hold up, mind control? On an Avenger? No way.

Ryan: I’m just telling you the facts.

Shane: There is no way an Avenger just let him waltz up and take control of his mind!

Ryan: Well actually, Loki is so powerful that he shows up in Norse mythology as a god, so really an Avenger got mind controlled by a god.

Shane: But we know he’s not a god now, he’s just an alien.

Ryan: The footage doesn’t lie!

Shane: This is bullshit.

Ryan: One of the side effects of this kind of mind control is that it turns the victim’s eyes bright blue, and according to footage we have from this event and images of Loki later on, his eyes are significantly bluer during the battle and the events leading up to it, so-

Shane: Ohhhhh, so he could have been mind-controlled, too!

Ryan: Yeah, exactly.

Shane: That tickles me very much!

Ryan: Ew, I… I didn’t like that.

Shane: That is very tickling indeed!

Ryan: This is a weird turn of phrase, even for you.

Shane: I will say, it makes the whole “mind controlling an Avenger” thing way more believable.

Ryan: Loki successfully stole the Tesseract, and the entire facility collapsed on itself, apparently due to the sheer power of the portal they had opened. Footage shows Loki using his staff to shoot oncoming S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and completely pulverizing them. He even shot down a helicopter!

S.H.I.E.L.D. used this as an opportunity to reactivate the Avengers Initiative, a project focused on bringing together people of special abilities to protect the Earth. The Avengers at the time were made up of Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, Captain America, Bruce Banner, also known as the Hulk, Thor, another alien from Saturn who is seen in Norse mythology as the “god of thunder,” Agent Natasha Romanoff, also known as the Black Widow, and Hawkeye.

Shane: I thought Hawkeye got mind controlled?

Ryan: Well they got him back before the battle.

Shane: Do we know how?

Ryan: According to Agent Romanoff, she hit him really hard in the head and he was fine.

Shane: (wheeze) Is that really what she said?

Ryan: Yeah, they were fighting on one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s helicarriers and she slammed his head against a railing and then knocked him out for good measure.

Shane: What a badass!

Ryan: Oh yeah, the Black Widow is definitely one of the most underrated heroes in history.

Loki spent a brief time in captivity on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s helicarrier, but was rescued by some of his mind-controlled goons who launched a fairly severe attack on the aircraft. Thor and the Hulk fell off the carrier, and several S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were killed, including a high-ranking agent named Phil Coulson.

On May 4th, famous astrophysicist Erik Selvig (who was also under mind control) was caught building a portal using the Tesseract on top of Stark Tower in downtown Manhattan. After some failed negotiation between Tony Stark and Loki inside the tower, the portal was opened and an alien army known as the Chitauri was released on New York. The Chitauri are a sentient species of cybernetically enhanced beings that operate under a hive mind intelligence. They use another species called Leviathans for troop transport and combat, which are extremely augmented using armor, anti-gravity devices, and even laser cannons. 

The battle itself lasted two to three hours. Most of Manhattan was destroyed, and the World Security Council actually authorized the release of a nuclear missile to try and end the battle. As the missile headed for New York, Tony Stark intercepted it and redirected it into the portal. The missile hit the Chitauri Command Center, destroying the hive mind and deactivating every single soldier left fighting. Stark’s suit lost power as he let the nuke go, and he fell back to Earth through the portal just as Agent Romanoff closed the portal using Loki’s staff. As he was falling, reports say that he was caught in mid-air by the Hulk and brought safely back to ground level.

Shane: How the hell is New York still standing after that?

Ryan: Well, S.H.I.E.L.D. had a subsidiary team called “Damage Control,” and after the battle it was transferred to the federal government and is now the U.S. Department of Damage Control.

Shane: What, they couldn’t come up with a fun acronym for that?

Ryan: I guess not, whoever was coming up with cool names was off that day.

Shane: Damn, right when they needed him the most.

Ryan: Honestly, that’s the real tragedy of this whole story.

Shane: So is that the whole case?

Ryan: That’s pretty much it.

Shane: I remember where I was when I saw this on TV, actually.

Ryan: Oh yeah?

Shane: Yeah, I was watching TV at home and flippin’ through the channels and when I flipped on the news I thought I was watching a shitty alien movie.

Ryan: (wheeze) You didn’t realize this was a real thing that happened?

Shane: No, not until I saw it on Twitter like an hour after it happened.

Ryan: Oh my God, dude! You really are fuckin’ stupid.

Shane: I never said I wasn’t.

Ryan: Even though we now know the facts of the Battle of New York, a lot of questions remain unanswered. If Loki was being controlled, who was controlling him?  Where are he and Thor now? Does this open the door for future alien attacks, or alien alliances? What else is out there? As of this episode being filmed in April of 2015, we’re still waiting to see what the Avengers do next, but until then, all of these questions remain… UNSOLVED.

So who’s your favorite Avenger, Shane?

Shane: Hmm, that’s a toughie.

Ryan: Mine is Captain America, no contest.

Shane: Oh yeah?

Ryan: Hell yeah, dude. Killing Nazis and fighting aliens and surviving 70 years in ice? That’s badass.

Shane: So… no cap?

Ryan: *disappointed silence*

Shane: Get it, because- 

Ryan: No I got the joke.

Shane: Well, you’re not laughing, so I thought-

Ryan: Well it wasn’t funny.

Shane: Goodness, Ryan, you don’t have to hurt my feelings like that.

Ryan: I love hurting your feelings, actually.

Shane: Hm. This is awkward, then.

-----

please lmk if I should write more of these, I had a lot of fun with this one and I haven’t written stuff like this in like 5 years so I feel a little rusty lol. hope you enjoyed and if anyone wants to give me suggestions on more stuff to write please do!

[lisalay00]

Our 4th of July Hero-Steve Harrington

Our 4th of July hero 1/?

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

‘Hey sloth, get your ass down from my couch.’ Lucas groaned when took a sip of the Coke following a disgusting burping sound. I squeeze my nose in disgust; I grabbed the tape on the table to throw right up to his head. Meanwhile, Max went into the living room with a huge bag, rummaging it one hand with a tired face.

‘I'm tired of your fights, you guys!' She landed the bag, the sound echoed throughout the room accompanying the old fan sound. Mike needs to convince his family to buy a new one. Last time Dustin lost his balance and it was the only one standing for him. Steve's laughter leaked out in my mind I shook my head and tried to focus her.

‘Tonight we have girls’ night. Don’t tell me you forget again.’  I grabbed the Coke from Lucas's hands. I couldn’t handle his sound anymore. I turned to her when I threw the Coke out the window. Lucas screamed out rushing to the window. I smiled devilishly.

‘As if I am a huge fan of girl nights’ she rolled her eyes. She grabbed one end and tried to stretch it as much as possible. Lucas attempted to give a helping hand but she bounced off with an angry gaze. He trembled and stepped back.

Girl’s Night a classic is among Max, El, Chrissy, and the last member Nancy. And I was the one who forcefully attended the full-taken girl company. Every time I gave my all effort to create an excuse but I would find myself sitting on the bed and listening to their problems with their boyfriends. And bingo, I am the only one haven’t been taken yet.

They tried their best to do so, at first they created a blind date and told me that was a school dinner. I'd got frozen when I saw Sam sitting on the table with flowers. Flowers!

It wasn’t enough. Max tried to be Cupid. However, the arrow had stuck in the wrong place. As expected, she’d talked to Billy before our prom night. I was sandwiched between his Camaro and him. He was too drunk and he confessed everything inside of him. And it was not a fairly lovely Juliette story. He thought me Sandy from science class. She was passing there and she heard her name, he was yelling in my face. I found myself watching them aside from the park when they were eating each other.

Luckily, he moved back to California and I don’t have to be ashamed at least if I do not remember them at night.

And the current aim now was the one whom I was scared of the most. I’ve tried my best since then, even I took dinner with Jason and it was terrifying, just a terrifying memory.

Actually, He was not unexpected.

Steve Harrington.

It'd been thrown on the table by Dustin, it was February 14. I love the day so much because they are mostly busy with themselves. But this year they made the stupidest decision and gathered together at Dustin’s radio tower. I wanted to dig into the spot I was sitting. I remember his watermelon-covered mouth and his smile at me. Everyone was there, except Nancy, Jonathan, Eddie, and Christy. That means the most dangerous gathering ever for me. For four months I tried my best to stay away from him, I started to work with Eddie's uncle on motorcycle repair. It was so out of a girl's job but I love working with him. The more the better, I was quite apart from them.

I couldn’t feel the feverish anger on them or blame them to try their best to find someone for me. However, I don’t know how long I keep this feeling aside. All I can just keep them because when they find out, that is the day I die.

Eddie’s Uncle was out of town for a couple of months and he decided to close it for a short term. So that means I was unemployed until fall.

They started throwing their love arrows at me a couple of weeks.

Lucas grabbed another Coke can; I took it from his hands swiftly and thanked him for open. I took a sip when he kicked the empty D&D box on the ground. Eddie went in of nowhere.

Suddenly, the idea came to my mind causing the Coke to get into my throat. Our eyes met with Max who was finally zipped the bag. I coughed but I could talk.

‘Isn’t the fourth of July today?’

Eddie’s concern slowly faded, he sighed at me with a tired face.

‘So?’ Max mumbled.

‘What? It’s an important day for our count…’

Max’s hand covered my mouth I shockingly blinked, when did she reach here? Flew or something.

‘You are coming tonight, no excuse!’ She grabbed the bag and left us in Dustin’s living room.

I rolled my eyes and raised my finger to the boys who were sitting like angels.

Don’t bite it.

‘Everything’s your fault, why the heck happen these girls decide to stand against you!’ I roared as my eyes rimmed between the three. 

‘Mike started all of them and disappeared out of hell .’ Lucas mumbled. I sighed the three stupid Dustin suddenly stood up collided his hands, and kneeled in front of me.

‘I beg you Suzie came here too please do something, save us!’ I scrunched my nose as his voice cracked at the last word. Then Lucas kneeled beside Dustin and pushed him aside.

‘Please you are our hero today!’ My eyes widened Eddie followed them and kneeled on my feet I groaned in pain kick him to the couch.

‘You are a Fourth of July hero come on you got this!’ Eddie screamed out, rubbing his waist.

‘Fourth of July Hero!’ They cheered together I covered my ears frantically when they got higher.

‘Okay alright just shut up!’ I rolled my eyes, a grin landed on my face. I slapped my forehead as I grabbed the Coke on the table, and headed to the door.

I screwed up.

They were all team up feverishly singing Fourth of July songs and they were so drunk. I was the only one who didn’t drink. My eyes landed on the beer-filled cups on the table I sighed.

Nancy turned to me and yelled at me as if I was far away from them.

‘Why are you sitting here?’ She suddenly started to cry. Shit, she was literally drunk, and drunk Nancy means emotionally attacking you.

I rushed to them and put a fake smile on my face.  She held my shoulder and pushed me in the middle of the circle. I turned to their vicious smiles.

‘Today it’s your day!’ Max cheered while holding the cup in my hand. My eyebrow arched, I looked at the beer-filled cup and our eyes met.

‘You are only not taken here.’ She smiled when Nancy entered with a bottle. When did she sober up?

I made sat down on the ground and she landed the bottle in the middle of us. Damn, how did I let them gather here? If Steve found out, he tore us into thousand pieces with Nance. When she sipped the glass I take back my thoughts. He’s going to kill me only.

I took the cup from El’s hand she turned her angry gaze on me, and I shrugged my shoulders.

‘I don’t let you drink sorry!’ She tried to refuse to grab the cup back but Max’s voice interrupted us. She pointed to Chrissy who looks like waiting for the moment her entire life. She rolled the bottle and it stopped at El. I attempted to grab the cup again but Nancy held my elbow and sat me on the ground harshly.

‘Okay, you two don’t drink!’ She pointed to two teenagers when Max was about to insist she grinned.

‘If you drink this cup, why not?’ She pointed the cup in front of me half spilled on the ground. I looked at El was already looking at me. I grabbed the cup and raised my finger at her.

‘If I see take an even small sip, I’ll kill you!’ I uttered as she nodded frantically. I turned to Max, she’d already thrown the cup aside in the room.

‘Alright, I start!’ Max crumbled in front of me and I momentarily leaned back when she came closer right to my face. Seriously she started to scare me for some reason.

‘You like someone, you know?’

‘Are you serious? I should have known that!’ I attempt to stand up but her words drifted me to my place.

‘Steve? Maybe…’ My head frantically spanned, she stood up and opened her two sides.

‘Maybe I should call him and chirp something.’

‘You got the phases your brother, God shut up!’ I mumbled she walked to the other side of the room, grabbed the handset, and looked at me.

‘You don’t know his number, damn stop blackmailing me!’

‘Oh I am not sure, I guess.’ She looked at Nancy, my stomach jumped to my heart. I got up quickly and hastily took back my balance, one of the cups fell to the ground, beer scent spread to the room.

‘So you like him?’ She rolled up the phone to the other side of the table and climbed on it. I jumped on the beer river, but I missed the other one. I dodged another falling. I raised my finger to her.

‘Stop this no sense, Max!’ She flipped over the table when all the junk fell over the ground. God, her room turned into a battlefield. She started to dial the number looking at the paper in her hand, Nancy and Chrissy set a fresh wall in front of me. I rimmed the room and quickly noticed the bookshelf on the wall.

I grabbed one of the books maybe the only books she had. I threw it out to them. She dodged it to grab it with a smile formed on her face following the other book.

Then a door knock interrupted the world war third, I turned to quite surprised faces at me.

I walked down the stairs silence was killing me now even though it was the most beautiful thing in the world. I grabbed the doorknob but hesitated to open it weirdly. I was pretty getting used to kind of girl’s nights ended up when one of the main topics of gossip barged into the company.

A glass-shattered sound took me back again; I heard groans and Jonathan’s mumbles. When I heard my name I hastily opened the door. The last person I hoped to be standing in front of me and so drunk.

‘Steve?’

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

[imnobodyuknow]

AI Nicole (by FlowerBound)

Nicole: Ugh. What do you want?

Nicole rolled her eyes. She didn’t seem very fond of you, then again, she wasn’t fond of really anyone.

Me: Are you Nicole?

Nicole: Yeah- who are you?

Me: Just a messenger. There's a message for a Nicole from someone.

Nicole: Nicole rolled her eyes. A message for me, from who?

Me: It says..."From Future Nicole."

Nicole: Future Nicole..? Nicole laughed, amused. She started to think this was some sort of joke.

Me: shrugs That's what is says.

Nicole: And you just thought you’d walk up to me and tell me that?

Me: Yeah... Here's the message: "The best is yet to come."

Nicole: Nicole laughed, now rolling her eyes even harder. This is the stupidest, most corny thing I’ve ever heard.

Me: shrugs Think what you want. I'm just the messenger boy.

Nicole: Yeah, sure. Anyway, what’s your name?

Me: Jaimes. Nice to meet you.

Nicole: Nice to meet you, too. Nicole rolled her eyes once more.

Me: Look at me when you lie.

Nicole: ...Excuse me?

Me: I know you weren't serious when you said, "nice to meet you."

Nicole: Well duh! What do I look like, polite?

Me: No, but you put on a pretty good act.

Nicole: I’m not trying to act nice. Not in the slightest.

Me: Maybe you should try it. It's not as bad as it sounds.

Nicole: ...Eh, being rude is just more fun.

Me: True, but you'll make more friends being nice.

Nicole: I don’t really want friends.

Me: You prefer the solitary lifestyle, in other words?

Nicole: Exactly.

Me: Suit yourself. You may change your mind someday, though.

Nicole: Never gonna happen.

Me: Well, I hope things go well for you regardless.

Nicole: You know what? Screw you.

Me:: Hey, like your future self said, the best is yet to come. winks

Nicole: ...Shut up.

Me: Want a cigarette?

Nicole: Yeah, actually.

Me: Too bad, I don't have one.

Nicole: ...You know what? #*$! off.

Me: Sorry, just having some fun. You shouldn't smoke, anyway.

Nicole: Don’t lecture me.

Me: Just being honest. All smoking does is make life harder. Something tells me you don't want that.

Nicole: And who are you to decide the best way for me to live my life?

Me: I could ask you the same thing.

Nicole: Oh, shut up…

Me: All right, but one last thing.

Nicole: …Yeah?

Me: Life is still good, no matter how it's been before. Trust me.

Nicole: Who are you, the freaking optimism fairy? Nicole cackled.

Me: What can I say? Optimism works for me.

Nicole: Nicole laughs in spite of herself. Optimism doesn’t work for me.

Me: Maybe you can pretend to be optimistic and see if that works?

Nicole: Nicole raises a brow. ...And why would I do that?

Me: Just to see what it's like.

Nicole: ...I’ve never been optimistic in my life, no way I’m starting now.

Me: Not even as a child?

Nicole: Nicole thinks back to her childhood…

…No. I was never optimistic as a child.

Me: Didn't anything make you happy?

Nicole: Not really, no...

Me: Hmm… Well, you know what your future self says.

Nicole: Shut up...

Me: Can I ask something?

Nicole: I mean, it’s not like I can stop you...

Me: If you could change your life into exactly what you wanted, would that make you happy?

Nicole: Yeah, yeah, I guess it would.

Me: But you can't, right?

Nicole: ...No, I can’t...

Me: Then why not be happy with life as it is?

Nicole: I- ...Because I can’t stop wishing I could change everything...

Me: Maybe you can't change everything, but maybe you can change some things, right?

Nicole: I suppose I could…

Me: Hey, look who's sounding optimistic all of a sudden!

Nicole: ...Shut up.

Me: Listen, I think you've got potential to change the world for the better if you just try.

Nicole: ...You really are optimism fairy...

Me: It's up to you to find out if you've got potential or not.

Nicole: …Thanks for the pep talk, I guess.

Me: No problem. And remember what your future self said.

Nicole: Yes, the best is yet to come…

Me: That's the ticket! Take it easy, girl.

Nicole: Nicole smiled despite herself, but quickly tried to cover it up.

Me: I saw that.

Nicole: Shut up.

[dahbeez]

1. "You're such a dork."

2. "Get over here, you doof."

3. "Cheeky."

4. "You're so needy."

5. "Kiss me again."

6. "You're so adorable!"

7. "Look at you... goodness, you're so cute!"

8. "I'm just so happy!"

9. "I can't stop smiling."

10. "I like that you make me laugh so much that my cheeks hurt."

11. "You are being extra sweet today."

12. "Oh, look at you!"

13. "Your eyes are so pretty."

14. "I'm really happy that you're here with me."

15. "Thank you for staying with me."

16. "I don't think I've ever loved someone this much before."

17. "I feel like I'm in the clouds when I'm with you."

18. "You're like my hero/heroine."

19. "I'm gonna tickle you if you don't come over here."

20. "My, oh my. You are such a beautiful creature."

@drink-it-write-it​

21. "Go with me?" "As long as you hold my hand."

22. "Is there a reason you're blushing like that?"

23. "Have you seen my hoodie?" "Nooooo..." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"

24. "OH you're jealous!"

25. "Can we stay like this forever?"

26. "Please just kiss me already."

27. "I think you might be my soulmate."

28. "Sleep over? Please?"

29. "Are we on a date right now?"

30. "I think I'm in love with you."

31. "Are you flirting with me?" "You finally noticed?"

32. "Am I your lockscreen?" "You weren't supposed to see that."

33. "I wish we could live together already."

34. "They're so cute when they're asleep."

35. "I just wanted to let you know that I think you're beautiful."

36. "Quit touching me, your feet are cold!"

37. "Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!"

38. "Give me attention."

39. "You met me yesterday." "Yes, and I would die for you. Next question."

40. "She's hiding behind the sofa."

41. "Did you just hiss at me?"

@wishiwasanavenger-archive​

42. "Have you kissed anyone before?"

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "You're not hurting me, you're not heavy. I've got you, love.” 

45. "I look at them and I just... it's like when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes."

46. "I don't... I've never... been in a relationship before and I'm going to make mistakes... I just need you to tell me. I need you to talk to me."

47. "You didn't tell me your friend was cute! Now what am I going to do?"

48. "You give me a reason to be better, to do better."

49. "God, you are so fucking cute."

50. "I love you, but I need you to go away because you're really bloody distracting and I have to pass this test tomorrow."

51. "Oh no... they're cute."

52. "I can't talk to cute people, okay? I don't know how to flirt!"

53. "God, I love your face."

54. "Don't look at me, I'm a mess!" "I love it when you're a mess!"

55. "Please do your homework for me...? Just one time." ... "I said one time, y'know... you didn't have to start studying. Not that I'm not proud or anything."

56. "I'm already home."

57. "Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner."

58. "Stop moving! I'm going to have to start counting all over again!"

59. "I just thought that since you weren't feeling too good, this would help."

60. "I'm not kissing you in the rain! We'll catch our death!"

61. "Would it help if I stayed?"

62. "I apologise sincerely if my beautiful/handsome face has kept you up all night."

63. "God, you're pretty."

64. "Calm down, it's just a chocolate bar!"

65. "Please, tell me you brought a toothbrush?"

66. "You take the bed, you need it more than me."

67. "You're so warm!"

68. "You're freezing, Jesus!"

69. "You always look beautiful."

70. "Your hands are so small!"

71. "Sometimes I just want to cuddle, okay? Is that so bad?"

72. "Now I know where half my wardrobe went."

73. "Here, let me just–" 

74. "You're really special to me."

75. "That tickles!"

76. "We only have one room left for the night..."

77. "Naps are life, okay?"

78. "I don't think I could love you anymore than I already do."

79. "I had the weirdest dream..."

80. "I got you a trophy, it's only plastic, but it's for being the best human I know."

81. "Someone keeps leaving love notes in my locker and I don't know if I should find it endearing or creepy..."

82. "I love your voice."

83. "Put me down! I can walk!"

84. "Can... can you come over?"

85. "You're the best."

86. "Can you please stop biting your lip, it's distracting."

87. "I thought you liked love songs!"

88. "I know you're not a fan of Valentine's day... I just thought that maybe I could change your mind..."

89. "You're my favourite know-it-all."

90. "That was the least romantic proposal in the entire history of proposals."

91. "I never knew you were a romantic at heart."

92. "I made it. For you. I know it's not the best, but..."

93. "Let me carry that."

94. "How do you know my favourite drink?" "I'm observant."

95. "We've known each other's for years and I don't think we've ever had a proper conversation."

96. "You're the clumsiest person I know, how did you survive past childhood?"

97. "It's always time for a milkshake."

98. "You know, humming the James Bond theme tune defeats the point of sneaking."

99. "I think your cat wants to kill me."

100. "Where have all my jumpers gone?"

101. "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

102. "Oh my God, I love you."

103. "I told you to bring a jacket."

@writings-of-a-hufflepuff​

104. "Is that my shirt?" "You mean our shirt?"

105. "It's you, it always has been."

106. "You're everything I could've wanted and more."

107. "Kiss me."

108. "Home stopped being a place when you entered my life."

109. "You should probably go home." "But I'm already home."

110. "You're an idiot." "But you love me."

111. "I'd do anything for you."

112. "You took all the pillows so I'm using you as one."

113. "Stop moving and let me braid your hair."

114. "I'm so proud of you."

115. "You are my family."

116. "I'm right here."

117. "Can you just please hold me?"

118. "I'm pretty sure they're my soulmate."

119. "This reminded me of you."

120. "Your hair is really soft."

121. "Are you blushing?"

122. "Can I stay here tonight?"

123. "Because I love you."

124. "Make a wish!"

125. "I love seeing you smile."

126. "You're just a softie."

127. "You are crushing me right now."

128. "Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen."

129. "Take my hand. Just trust me."

130. "You're the only thing that matters."

131. "Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

132. "Hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright?"

133. "Why can't I get you out of my head?"

134. "Don't let go."

135. "Stay."

@blisfvll​

136. "You smell really nice."

137. "If you steal the blanket, I'm going to put my cold feet on you."

138. "You're comfy."

139. "But I want to hear you sing."

140. "Don't get up – I'll do it."

141. "Care to give me a back scratch?"

142. "Your bed head is really cute."

143. "How about a kiss?"

144. "Uh oh, I know that look. What do you want?"

145. "Are you really flirting with me right now?"

146. "I like the way your hand fits in mine."

147. "You have something in your hair, umm... do you want me to get it out?"

148. "It's nice that your voice is the first thing I heard today."

149. "This movie is really scary, but you're into it so I'm trying not to cover my face the whole time but– WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

150. "Wait, don't pull away... not yet."

151. "Half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything."

152. "No, it's fine. I can wait until you're done talking to them."

153. "No, like... it's just, I can't believe you're actually wearing my clothes."

154. "I've been trying to get ready for like an hour and an half because I know you're going to look so good and I need to try and match up."

155. "I wanted to say 'I love you' for the first time without stuttering, but that failed."

156. "We could order pizza and just stay like this all day."

157. "It's not a double date. We're just third and fourth wheeling."

158. "I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..."

@marauder-exe​

159. "It's not funny!"

160. "That wasn't suppose to happen."

161. "Hurry back."

162. "I can't take you seriously."

163. "Problem solved."

164. "That was embarrassing."

165. "It's freezing in here."

@love-me-a-good-prompt​

166. "I love you, baby."

167. "Hey, cutie."

168. "I promise to love you for the rest of my life."

169. "You're my world."

170. "I don't care if you're sick, catching a cold from kissing you is worth it."

171. "You are so perfect."

172. "Marry me?"

173. "You're the best part of me."

174. "Stay here with me. For the rest of our lives."

175. "I'm speechless, you're so beautiful!"

176. "Come here, I need to hug you."

177. "When everything's wrong, it's you that makes it right."

178. "You're the one."

@raggedy-dxctor​

179. "Well, it's the thought that counts." "Wait, no, don't take my kisses away from me!"

180. "Oh, you've started stealing my socks now?"

181. "You owe me a kiss."

182. "How did you get in here?"

183. "That's not even fair."

184. "You promised me a cookie!"

185. "Ew, that is so sappy, I might vomit."

186. "You're not very intimidating."

187. "That was, by far, the stupidest thing you've ever done."

188. "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

189. "Why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"

@whcczes​

190. "I'll feel much better if you let me walk you home."

191. "Apparently, all our friends have a bet going that we end up together."

192. "You make me feel alive. For the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe."

@moanlightlust​

193. "It's two in the morning and you want to cuddle?"

194. "You shine so bright it's intimidating. I love it."

195. "I'm here."

196. "What's your name again? Sorry, I just got that super weird feeling that we only see in movies, you know? Like, the whole world stopped turning and all I could see was you."

197. "I was born to be yours."

198. "Isn't it a bit too cliché?"

199. "So, you're just kissing strangers for no apparent reasons?"

200. "You'll always be my favourite person."

201. "You're making it weird, stop making it weird."

202. "There's nothing I love more than running back into your arms."

203. "I'm yours. Forever."

204. "You always know how to cheer me up."

205. "I... I lost the ring."

206. "Will you be mine?"

207. "Darling, you look perfect tonight."

208. "You saved my life."

209. "Don't give me that look. No... NO! I said no puppy dog eyes! You know I can't resist them! Argh, fine!"

210. "I missed you and your bad puns and even your horrible cooking and the way you fit perfectly against my body when we cuddle. I just really missed you."

211. "We're a team, remember?"

212. "There's no place I'd rather be than by your side."

213. "Your smile brightens the whole room."

214. "I kinda adopted a puppy behind your back... don't be mad! Look at those cute fluffy paws!"

215. "You're burning up. Guess I need to activate my nurse mode."

216. "I love you. As in more than friends, more than best friends and more than super extra best friends."

217. "I love you just the way you are."

218. "We need to kick his ass, no questions asked. You in?"

219. "Hot chocolate and cuddles? Kisses?"

220. "You make me feel pretty."

221. "You'll always be my best girl."

222. "Never hide yourself from me."

223. "Babe! There's no toilet paper!"

224. "I'll never give up on you."

225. "Do you feel that shirt? That's boyfriend material."

226. "That prank went so wrong."

227. "Care to dance, my love?"

228. "AH! You're stuck with me!"

229. "You're too good to me."

230. "Is it that time of the month?"

231. "Can I braid your hair?"

232. "It's okay to have doubts, as long as you don't let them overwhelm you."

233. "Come here! I can't stand to be so far away from you!"

234. "I got you."

235. "I wanna fall asleep next to you every night and wake up every morning with you by my side."

236. "Stop, I need to finish this!"

237. "I just wanna binge watch The Office, but it's not the same without you."

238. "Because I care about you!"

239. "I just wanted to impress you."

240. "I love you even though your breath stinks right now."

241. "Did you just puke on me?"

242. "We should get drunk and do stupid things."

243. "I always know what you're thinking about, babe. You're like an open book!"

244. "Could you sing to me?"

245. "I, uh, could you... could you play with my hair, please?"

246. "Nooooo, don't leave! I'm cold!"

247. "I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me."

248. "A mistletoe? Really?"

249. "Will you join me, love?"

250. "I have feelings for you."

251. "You are the reason."

252. "Take my hand, I wanna show you something..."

253. "You have a lovely name."

254. "You're my everything."

255. "You do know a lot about my blushing schedule."

@voilawind​

[dr-archeville]

Megilat Ḥam-Ed — the Scroll of the Steamed Portions of Cham [source]

A sacred text of my people, restored to its original Hebrew and recited in the manner of the Megillah.

I'd say this is the stupidest translation I've ever made, but it's not even the stupidest translation I've posted on this channel. Happy Purim!

Sublime.

And from the comments section,

1 And it was after these things, and there was a man from the city of the Field of Spring and his name was Shalmer, the great supervisor over all its learnings. 2 And it was one day, and Shalmer rose and went by Simor Haskiner, administrator of the school house, and he came to the entrance of his house. 3 And Shalmer said to him, saying: "Lo, Simor, behold I have come before thee, for I have transgressed thine instructions." 4 And Simor answered and said, "Ah, my lord supervisor! 5 Peace be upon thee, and I hope that thou mayest be prepared for a feast not to be forgot!" And Shalmer groaned and came after him. 6 And Simor came alone towards the kitchen, and saw, and behold, the oven was all asmoke, and he cried a great cry. 7 And he said, "Ah, my God, for ruined, ruined is the fire-roasted meat I have made!" 8 And he said, "But were I to purchase myself food of haste and cover them as my own food...", and he laughed, and he said in his heart, "How beautiful and how sweet is this thing, to serve as an adversary, Simor!" 9 And he opened the window and lifted his leg to leave it, and behold, Shalmer standing in the entrance to the kitchen!

10 Thus say the bards: "Haskiner, in his explanations of insanity. 11 Is there no balm for the chief of supervisors? And when he hears all of his bloated mutterings, there will be strife in the city this night!" 12 And Shalmer cried and called: "Simor, Simor!" And he said, "Ah, my lord supervisor! 13 Behold I stretch myself in my calves upon the posts of this window, so as to strengthen the body in equal measure. And if thou wouldst join me, join me!" 14 And Shalmer said to Simor saying: "Why doth thine oven smoke, Simor?" And he said, "Please, my Lord, 15 it is not smoke that rises from mine oven, but steam, steam, for the steamed sea fruits that we shall eat! And behold, what is well flavored as steamed sea fruits?" 16 And Shalmer left the kitchen, and Simor saw and left towards Qerustiberg and took a plate of kuftaoth of meat.

17 And he again came towards the kitchen and he said to Shalmer, saying: "I hope, hope that thou mayest be prepared for a feast well-flavoured of kuftaoth of meat!" 18 And the supervisor was confounded, and asked Simor, saying: "Yea, was it not heard in mine ears that behold, we are to eat steamed sea fruits?" 19 And Simor answered and said: "Not steamed sea-fruits, but steamed portions of Cham, for I call kuftaoth by that name." 20 And Shalmer asked and said: "Thou callest kuftaoth by the name 'steamed portions of Cham'?" 21 And Simor answered and said: "I call them by that name, for it is in the way of the speech of my land." 22 And Shalmer asked and said: "What is thy land, whose way is to speak such as this?" 23 And Simor answered and said: "The far-reaches of the north, the region of Neve Jorech." 24 And he said, "Speakest thou thruth? For from the ancient [Hebrew: ʿAtiqah] city am I, and I have never heard this matter of 'steamed portions of Cham' from all the mouths of my comrades." And behold, the ancient city was within the far-reaches of the north, the region of Neve Jorech. 25 And Simor answered and said, "No, not in the ancient city, for they speak such as this in the city of Baal-Beni." 26 And Shalmer said, "I have seen," and bit the kuftaoth and said, "Behold, these kuftaoth seem as the kuftaoth of Qerustiberger!" 27 And Simor denied and said, "No, ah, no, for listed kuftaoth of Haskiner are these, as an old teaching of my clan." 28 And he yet again asked and said, "An old teaching upon the matter of 'steamed portions of Cham'?" And he answered and said "Upon them it is." 29 And he answered and said, "And thus thou callest them by the name 'steamed portions of Cham', but with all this it is clear in my eyes that these are roasted." 30 And he delayed, and Simor requested Shalmer saying: "Permit me for just one moment," and Shalmer said, "I have permitted thee." 31 And Simor left from by the table and opened the door of the kitchen, and saw, and behold, the kitchen was aflame in fire. 32 And he returned towards the table and made as a man concluding, and said, "How glorious it was, and a time of goodness for all people. And behold, I am tired."

33 And the great supervisor rose to leave and saw the light of the fire in the kitchen, and he shouted and cried, "Oh, Lord of goodness! What is it that occurs thence?" 34 And Simor said, "The radiance of the firmament it is." 35 And Shalmer cried in a loud voice and called: 36 "The radiance of the firmament it is? In this season of the year, and also at this time of the day, and also in this province of the land, and also it is dwelling from head to end within thy kitchen?" 37 And he said, "Thus and so." 38 And he requested, saying: "May I see it it?" And he answered and said, "No."

39 And Simor led Shalmer out of his house,  and his mother cried and called: "Simor, aflame is the house!" 40 And Simor answered her and said, "Not so is this matter, O my mother, for the great luminaries are they." 41 And Shalmer said to Simor, saying: "Lo, Simor, a differentiated man art thou, yet for all this I shall say that behold, you have known to steam a portion of Cham."

42 And this scroll, the Scroll of Cham-Steam, was written and sealed by the hand of Isaac Harel son of Jael and Abraham Meir the priest, in the thirty-second year of the family of the sons of Simp. 43 May the LORD be unto us a help, a help! 

Again I say: sublime.

[sanguinescorpios]

Still Alive

dream x f!reader

PART ONE

summary | Just under 20 years ago, the world slipped from humanity’s grasp and fell into the lap of mutant creatures. While most humans hid from the variants, some, like reader, grew restless in the bases they grew up in and needed out. What will happen when reader realizes that she doesn’t stand a chance in the wild on her own, and can something deeper blossom from a survival-based alliance? 

warnings | none!

word count | 1.7k

I had never seen a flower before. At least, not that I could remember. Things like that didn’t exist within the confines of the city walls, the beautiful, living things. The things that reminded you you were alive. My gaze fixated on the object before I even knew what I was looking at. Its petals swirled with pinks and purples, hues I had only seen in worn-out wool and peeling paint. Deep emerald leaves adorned a similarly colored stem, all woven together intricately and standing out amidst the field of brown. I marveled at the plant, bending down to hold it delicately between two fingers. It was incredible, even better than in photographs.

I spent months looking through the old textbooks Zoe had found, simply admiring the anatomy of different flowers and plants from the Old World. She was so excited to show me. I can still picture her jumping up and down as she entered my room in her tattered sports jersey and two-sizes-too-big jeans, a huge stack of books cradled like a child in her arms. Her tight curls were always pulled up into two buns, perfectly placed on the top of her head and bouncing with her childlike movements. I had quirked up an eyebrow at her as she wordlessly dropped her findings on my cot with a thump.

“Books,” she had said, looking at me with a newfound glimmer in her eye, “textbooks. We can learn!”

There was plenty of other information in those textbooks, but the flowers fascinated me. They caught my attention not just for their beauty, but for their mechanics, too. As I read, I began to appreciate how their roots anchored them to the earth, how their stems acted as passageways for water and nutrients, how they came in so many shapes, shades, and sizes. I wanted to know everything I could about them. I had always been that way, I guess.

A nearly foreign feeling emerged in me as a smile curled its way onto my face. The muscles were rusty from a long hibernation and they weren’t sure how to react to the sudden use. Dust found its way into my eyes as my cheeks rose with the grin, so I brushed it away quickly. That, I was used to.

“A cosmos,” I said to no one but myself. Of course, it was a cosmos.

The world before me was barren, a bleak expanse of land that seemed to never end. How the fuck was I supposed to survive out here? Despite my extensive studying, I wasn’t necessarily well-versed in survival. I had no protection out here, no roof over my head, and no soldiers with weapons on watch for intruders, or worse, for variants. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought. Variants were the one thing I knew almost nothing about, despite how hard I tried to get information from the watchmen and neighboring families. In all honesty, we didn’t know much about them, just that they didn’t seem to like us too much. One week the world was our terrain and the next it was theirs. I had never met one and I wasn’t planning on doing so, but I no longer had control over that. I chose to leave and there was no turning back.

That didn’t make it any less terrifying.

Adjusting my pack on my back, I grabbed my flask and poured a bit of water over the stubborn flower.

“Hope we make it, little guy.”

One last look at the distant confines I used to call home, then I was walking again, this time never turning back.

. . .

As it turns out, walking across one huge expanse of dust and dirt isn’t very fun! In fact, it’s fucking brutal. I had no idea where I was going, that much was clear not even ten minutes into the journey. Leave the city, that was my only plan. A shit plan, in hindsight. I reached into one of the many pockets of my pack and pulled out my water bottle. Last sip, that’s not good. If I could just go a little longer and reach the forest, I’d be okay. Much of the landscape had been torn apart over the years, but there were still occasional patches of green, at least that’s what I had been told. Just a little farther, surely I would reach it soon.

The hours dragged on, all melding together into one blurry week of sleeping in a ripped tent in the middle of nowhere and barely eating or drinking. When my eyes focused on a small dot of green in the distance, I nearly brought my hands up to rub the mirage from them, but I knew better than to do anything like that before washing. Especially after the week I’ve had, too much dust and not enough water.

I had been preparing for my lunch break when I spotted it, excited to get my hands on my tenth granola bar of the week. All desire for a break left my body, replaced by the desperate need to get to that forest before nightfall. There could be water in there, shelter, food, the possibilities were endless. I picked up my pace, feet moving with fervor despite my obvious exhaustion. My pack threatened to slip off my back, but I ignored it.

I reached the edge of the forest by nightfall, a shudder running through me at the thought of spending the night alone in the dense environment. Anyone or anything could be living here, and they could be hungry. The ground didn’t feel safe, too open and vulnerable of a place to sleep, but the sliver of moonlight shining down on me wasn’t enough to find anywhere else. This would have to do.

A few restless hours passed before I had finally fallen into a deep sleep, my back pressed uncomfortably against a tree and my pack serving as a makeshift pillow. I didn’t bother to set up camp, figuring I’d pick up and move in the morning anyways. I expected to get a few good hours of sleep at least, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, I was shaken awake by unfamiliar hands and a gruff voice.

“Get the fuck up,” the voice barked as my eyes adjusted to the morning light, peering up at the shaded figure looming over me.

“Wha-what?”

“Get. The fuck. Up.” The figure grabbed my pack from underneath my head and I groaned at the rude awakening. In my early morning haziness, I barely questioned the individual’s orders. My body moved before my brain told it to, pulling itself out of the fetal position and standing up, unsteady but sturdy enough.

As I rose to my feet, I took a good look at the person for the first time. He stood tall, towering over my frame with long legs and broad shoulders. Underneath his hood, a mask shielded most of his face from me; it looked to be made of some sort of wood and with the jagged smile that was carved into it, it was borderline terrifying. Dark blond hair toppled out and around the thing, curling messily at the ends. He sported muted green cargo pants and a thick belt bearing a multitude of knives and other weapons I didn’t even want to imagine. A black T-Shirt spread across his torso, strong arms emerging from the sleeves and gloved hands gripping a satchel against his hip. If this went south, I was outmatched.

“What made you think sleeping on the ground was a good idea?” he hissed out a few minutes later as he led me through the trees, taking angry steps at least two yards ahead of me.

“I didn’t have many other options,” I responded simply, not sure what he wanted from me and still groggy with sleep.

“Well, you picked the stupidest option.”

I rolled my eyes, who did this guy think he was? Sure, the ground wasn’t the smartest choice, but it was all I had! I huffed, kicking at a rock as he stopped to check...something — who knows what he was doing.

“You got a name, mask boy?”

He shushed me, holding up his index finger as he looked around at our surroundings.

“It was just a question-”

“Dream,” he cut me off, “now shush.”

He said it simply, like it wasn’t the most absurd name anyone had ever heard, and went right back to surveying the space around us. I poked my head around at him, trying and failing to get this mystery man’s attention.

“Is that your real name?” I inquired, making awkward eye contact with the mesh-covered eyeholes of his mask and wishing I could see his face when he answered. Maybe then I’d know if he was bluffing or not. Or if he planned on killing me.

“It’s what you’ll call me.”

There was a finality in the way he said it, a sternness in his voice that I wasn’t about to argue with. A beat passed in utter silence, me waiting for him to continue the conversation and him already three steps ahead of me on the path. Dream isn’t a chatty guy, noted.

I jogged to catch up to him, slowing as I reached his side. He didn’t seem like he was going to kill me as soon as night fell on the already dark forest, but keeping him in my sight was the safest bet.

“You’re not gonna ask my name?” He turned to face me, raising an eyebrow and bobbing his head as if to say ‘go on’. I gave him my name and he grunted in response — men.

He persevered through the forest, cutting away branches and leaving a green mess in our wake. I had no idea where we were going or why I was following his lead so easily, but he seemed confident and I trusted his confidence more than my own.

“So…” I dragged on, twiddling my thumbs and shooting him a look, “do we have a plan here or are we just gonna wander for the next five hours of daylight?”

He rolled his eyes, letting out an “ugh” as he pushed through another set of leaves. I wasn’t wrong; the sun would be setting soon, and based on how he reacted this morning, he wasn’t a night owl.

“Our camp is set up a few miles north. We should get there before nightfall.”

Did he say our?

[dipperpinesthemanlyman]

Do you have any good Danny Phantom fic recs?

I don’t usually make recs, but since I’ve been binge reading through the Phandom here lately I have a few! I’ll put them and their summaries underneath the Keep Reading <3

Also far warning there is no rhyme or reason to how I’m listing them

Little Lion King by Floralflowerpower andTheOnlyWife @floralflowerpower​ (incomplete)

A ghost king AU where Danny is an all-powerful ruler/ beloved king and hero who is terrified that his people would hate him if they found out he was a halfa. (Beta for this Phic is Theonlywife)

I am absolutely obsessed with the Little Lion King at the moment! I’ve read through all the available chapters twice now XD I plan to reread it again soon!

The Haunting Murders of Bristol Mansion by Pqrker

"No, no, it's fine, it's just...What if we convince them I don't believe in ghosts in the first place?"

Sam stared at Danny like he was crazy.

"That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard."

or

danny pretends not to believe in ghosts in a last-ditch effort to conceal his identity, while sam and tucker film it all

do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die) by Blueh

“I just—” he hiccups down his ghost sense but feels the cool burning sensation crawl up his throat anyways. He has just enough time to throw a hand over his mouth to cover the blue mist, and sends a desperate look at the clock. There’s still five minutes left in class. He stands up anyways. “I have to go.”

“You have to go?” Sam says. Danny hears the accusation in her voice loud and clear. “Again?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t enough, Danny! You keep—you keep leaving us! You’re pushing us away!”

His tongue feels like lead and he knows, even if he wants to, he can’t tell them. He can't. So instead, he doesn’t meet her eyes, takes one step back, and repeats, “I’m sorry.”

Sometimes, it feels like it’s the only word he can say these days.

Or: When Danny goes down to the lab and enters that portal at fourteen years old, he goes down alone. This changes things.

A Grave Error by thatgirl_youknowtheone @lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks

A fluorescent green gaze pierced through him from the rearview mirror. As much as the eye contact sent chills down Dale's spine, he didn't want to look away. Some primal part of his brain was much more comfortable keeping his eyes firmly planted on the predator in the back seat of the police car.

"Why won't he leave?" Dale whispered to his partner, the woman grit her teeth.

"I don't know, but I'm not the idiot who decided to fucking arrest him."

Connections by Lynse @ladylynse​

Maddie knows that the Booo-merang has keyed into Danny, for whatever reason, so what's she to think when she sees it collide with Phantom?

Confessions (Connections Sequal) by Lynse

Follows Connections. Danny's secret's not as safe as he thinks, what with Maddie unable to ignore her wild suspicions any longer and piecing things together and Jack asking questions all on his own.

Shift by Lynse

Maddie’s capture of the phantom was routine—until she saw the shift in colour that meant it suddenly, horribly, wasn’t.

Revision (Shifts optional sequal) by Lynse (Not complete)

Maddie can’t deny it any longer. If ectoplasm can become blood, there’s more to this story than she ever realized.

Third Time’s the AU by KatWithTheGlasses

It started with one wrong move, and Phantom ended up hurt. Secrets are revealed and maybe things can move towards a better future.

A series of one-shots and small fics in which Phantom is revealed to his parents, and everything that happens after.

Maddie Learns That her Son Is Dead (Well, Not Fully, But Still) by GhostWriterGirl1

In where Maddie first notices her son's slightly ghostly features, and learns just how ghostly Danny has become. Warning: Lots of feels and angst in the last two entries, so get the tissues.

Danny the ViewTuber by ZombieMerlin

"Hi, my name's Danny Fenton and I do stupid dares and other stuff on the internet for the heck of it!"

Danny manages to accidentally create a ViewTube channel and ends up gaining a small following in the process. Now, all of a sudden, the entirety of the Casper High student body knows Danny's ghostly secret, Mr. Lancer is hella confused by the growing mystery surrounding Daniel James Fenton, and Danny slowly realizes that there may be things other than ghosts hiding in the shadows of Amity Park.

(Also known as "The Danny Phantom YouTube AU I didn't mean to write a plot for")

No One Knows AU by DarkNymfa

Set in an AU where Danny was alone for the Accident, and never told anyone about Phantom.

Angela Foley is Confused, Concerned And Tired (Not Necessarily In That Order) by GhostWriterGirl1

In which Dr. Angela Foley eavesdrops on a conversation between her son, Sam Manson and Danny Phantom, discovers some secrets, and becomes Danny's unofficial second mom.

Phantom of Truth by Haiju

Locked away in a secret government lab with Phantom as her subject, nothing stands between Maddie and the truth... except, perhaps, herself.

Shadow of a Doubt by Haiju (Sequal to Phantom of Truth)

The truth was supposed to save Danny. Fix things. The lab, the experiments, the lies, those were all in the past. Weren't they? Sequel to Phantom of Truth.

And that’s all I’m going to put because wow this is really long already lmaoooo

[nevertheless-moving]

Star Wars AU #20: MacenJar AU

Inspired by this meme and with permission from @simpskywalker

This au is dedicated to everyone who told me that this concept ‘gave them a headache’ or ‘psychic damage’. Especially that special someone who begged me to ‘please stop’ because ‘i hate this, i hate this so much’ and told me ‘please don’t say more words about this.’

Crack Lies Ahead, enough to consume a man. I have spoken.

“Ani. Ani. Anakin Skywalker.”

“Hmm?” The dulcet sounds of Padme calling his name dragged Anakin from sleep against his will. 

“Anakin, you have to get up.”

He groaned, rolling over. “...here’s my face...I’ll...be awake in a second...just sit down...I’m awake...”

“No, Anakin you have to leave, remember. You have a 5 AM take-off scheduled, and you made me promise I would get you up early this time, come on.”

She cruelly yanked the covers away. He gasped in betrayal. 

“My own wife...how could you.”

“Anakin if you’re not out of bed in the next 30 seconds the next time you beg to stay the night because ‘you can get up early, you swear’ I am kicking you out before anyone sits anywhere near anyone’s face, do you understand.”

He sat bolt upright and stumbled out of bed. “Ok, Ok, I’m up I- Padme!”

“Yes?” She asked sweetly, brushing her hair at the vanity. 

“It’s 3 AM!”

“Yes I know, you were going to stop at that bakery I recommended, remember?”

“You woke me up an hour and half early so I could stop at a bakery,” he asked, disbelieving.

“Yes, Anakin, it was your idea. It was going to be your cover, in case anyone wondered what you were doing in the building.”

“That is-” before he could call it the stupidest idea he had ever heard, the memory of promising Padme that staying the night was a good idea because it would facilitate his cunning ruse (he was distracted, ok? Padme was wearing a lot of layers) came rushing back.

“-right,” he finished lamely.

Padme just hummed and began braiding in her cosmetic forcefields. 

Anakin managed to stretch, complete his morning refresher run, and arrange his robes in a suitably decorous fashion by the time Padme had established the base layer of her hairstyle for the day.

A quick kiss- no goodbye, it hurt too much to say goodbyes in war - and Anakin was out the door. 

He idly scratched his chin, vacantly looking out the lift and vaguely considering growing a beard. The pre-dawn view was quickly replaced by metal walls as the ride dropped below the skyline.

The transparisteel pod began to slow scarcely one third of the way down. Anakin suppressed a groan and tried to arrange his expression in Jedi-stoic manner, hoping that whoever got in the lift with him would be too intimidated by seeing a Jedi close-up to think about what they were doing in a Senatorial Apartment building at 3:15 in the morning. If they ask, I’m visiting the famous Bebbisun Bakery. Bennison? BELLASAN. I’m visiting the Bellasan Bakery.

Actually, anyone getting into the elevator this early was probably also doing the walk of shame so it’s probably fi-KRIFFING SITH SPIT THAT’S

“Master Windu!” Anakin cleared his throat, trying to lower his voice an octave. “Good- Good Morning!”

Windu’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “Ah. Knight Skywalker. Good morning to you as well,” he replied, stepping in the elevator, doors closing behind.

The lift descended as Anakin’s heart rate skyrocketed. This was it. Windu had to be here for Anakin. What other possible explanation could there be? WHY WASN’T HE SAYING ANYTHING?

Wait.

What other possible explanation...could...why wasn’t he saying ANYTHING?

Anakin scrutinized Master Windu out of the corner of his eye. Were those...the same robes he was wearing yesterday? They looked like the same robes but then again...pretty much all robes looked the same so this was probably a stupid way to figure things out. Fuck, it was too early for this.

Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t get a sense of the Master’s surface emotions. But his underlying aura seemed...happy? Typically Windu's serene presence had a tinge of righteous fury (something that had frightened him back when he was a child). But now that ever present vaapad edge was... softened? Anakin wracked his tired brain for a more reasonable explanation than- than the obvious but obviously impossible. He had to projecting. Right? Then again...couplings weren’t forbidden (even if Anakin couldn’t quite understand how people enjoyed just- having sex without any attachment).

The corners of Anakin’s lips twitched. The Master of the Order. Getting laid. Master Windu. In the Senatorial apartments. Mace Windu. What level had he gotten on? Above aides...diplomats probably. Should he ask? Force, this was too good- he couldn’t not ask.

Windu stared at him cooly and the knight instantly sobered. What was he thinking? Windu was obviously trying to trick him! If he said anything, Windu would turn it against him! Well, he wouldn’t be fooled so easily. Anakin spent the next several levels of descent staring forward, determined not to be the one to break the silence. 

He was so focused that he didn’t notice the lift slowing prematurely again until the doors opened; an elderly Rodian hobbled in. The two Jedi moved even further apart to allow the man some space.  The lift closed and newcomer glanced at the humans curiously. 

“Aren’t you Jedi? What are two Jedi doing here so early?”

“Bakery,” Mace and Anakin responded in unison, heads snapping to stare at the other in surprise.

The Rodian chuckled. “Oh, that Bellasan place, right?”

“Yes,” Windu replied smoothly. “They have a famously unique caf blend.”

“And you can’t get Sweesonberry rolls anywhere else,” Anakin added quickly, not letting the opportunity to firm up his cover go to waste.

“You mammals and your carbohydrates,” The elderly reptilian clucked, bemused.

Knight Skywalker and Master Windu exchanged wary looks. The door pinged open on level 4848. 

“Enjoy!” the overly entertained Rodian called out as they stepped out from the closing doors.

Anakin cleared his throat. “After you, Master Windu,” he said politely. CHECKMATE FUCKER.

But Windu just nodded serenely, striding confidently ahead, past the checkpoints and into the attached upper-crust market. After a very short walk, Anakin found himself in line behind Mace Windu at a pastry shop in the basement of his wife’s apartment building.

Anakin blearily thought that sentence through again, then subtly pinched the inside of his arm.

Nope, he was awake.

Every second that passed Anakin had to fight the steadily increasing urge to blurt out something stupid, and possibly incriminating, if not both. Just say something bland! Nothing about why they’re both here so early. Nothing about coming here before. Something casual.

“Smells good,” Anakin said.

Nailed it!

“Indeed,” Mace replied.

I’m a genius! He actually thinks I’m here for the bakery! He’s never going to suspect a thing! He was probably here for some boring pre-dawn meeting, and now I’ve got the perfect excuse to come visit Padme whenever! I can probably start sneaking off more often, I’ve just got to remember to bring back a pasty or something. And he can’t even say shit about un-Jedi like consumption!

“Skywalker-”

Oh no. Please be about the bakery. Pleasebeaboutthe

“Believe me when I tell you that I’d rather not ask-”

Oh NO. THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE ABOUT THE BAKERY. I’M AN IDIOT.

“-But did you fly here in a temple speeder?”

Cold sweat started to trickle down Anakin’s back as they shuffled forward automatically in the surprisingly long queue. Guess that’s why Padme woke me up so early.

“Knight Skywalker? Did you hear me?”

“Yes, Master Windu, sorry- I was, uh, distracted by the specials board. I, um, have my own hoverbike. Built it myself. No temple resources involved.”

“Sounds...distinctive.” Windu’s tone seemed neutral, but the way he pinched the bridge of his nose was obviously irritated. They stepped forward again. Why are so many people at this bakery so early? Guess we’re far enough down that day/night cycles don’t matter so much. Oh kriff, he’s massaging his temples now. Why is he mad about the bike? Is he going to ask where I landed it? Fuck.

Anakin swallowed the lump in his throat. “I- I thought it would be better to take personal property. Since this isn’t exactly order business.”

“That’s very responsible of you. Such...separation of personal from professional is an important skill for a Jedi.” 

The trickle of sweat down his spine increased. The Chosen One discretely wiped his sweaty palms on the inside of his sleeves and prayed that his outer robe was hiding any growing pit stains. 

Are we...actually talking about this? Is he going to admit to having an affair? Is he going to tell me to keep this quiet? I CAN BARELY KEEP MY OWN RELATIONSHIP SECRET! Does he know about Padme? Does he know we’re married? Is this conversation still about the bakery visit? Is HE married?

“However...such a vehicle might not be the most discrete. And discretion is also an important skill.”

Is he giving me permission to use the temple landspeeders to visit padme? Is he telling me to take the bus? WAIT! IS THIS A METAPHOR? Is he telling me to come here less? Is this still about the bakery? Did I actually check that I wasn’t still asleep or did I just dream that I checked?

“Do you understand, Knight Skywalker”

“I- uhh. I mean- well, ummm- OH look, it’s your turn to order!”

Master Windu stepped up to the counter. 

“Hello, again! Same as last time?”

OH FORCE GODS HE’S A REGULAR. THIS IS IT. I’M NEVER GOING TO GET TO SEE OBI-WAN OR ASHOKA AGAIN AND PADME’S CAREER IS GOING TO BE RUINED AND

“The same blend please, but please add on one of your Sweesonberry rolls- a friend recommended them.”

...Did Mace Windu just call me his friend?

“Excellent choice! Your friend has good taste!”

Mace Windu stepped to the side and Anakin Skywalker stepped up. “...I’ll have what he had.” 

A minute or two later, they were walking back to the lift, matching disposamugs and flimsibags in hand. 

To try and delay the inevitable, the pale and now very sweaty young Jedi took a sip of caf. He raised both brows involuntary. “This is...really good. Holy kriff. I don’t usually drink caf for the flavor but...wow.”

“Worth the trip?” Windu asked. Anakin choked a little but successfully managed to swallow. He took another sip to avoid answering. 

Windu took a bite of his roll, making a small noise of appreciation, “The pastry is also excellent. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but this is remarkably smooth...I can’t say I’ve ever had anything quite like it.”

“Floral, right?” Anakin said, grinning into his cup. 

“Yes, that’s a good description.” Ha! I told Padme I was paying attention.

They drank companionably as the lift indicator dinged closer. 

“Skywalker...you’re parked on 4970, right?”

The knight nodded, too afraid to speak. The force seemed to swirl at the precipice of something. 

The Master sighed. “Look- I’ve got an unregistered van- this one time only, stow the speeder, and I’ll give you a ride back. If you’re visiting the bakery in the future- please take something with a closed cab. Last thing we need is the tabloids wondering where you’re going...”

Anakin nodded again, more eagerly again. He was practically being given permission to visit Padme! That was totally worth an excruciatingly awkward flight back to the temple! He just had to chew slowly so he couldn’t blurt out anything marriage related! He was a genius!

The lift opened.

“Jar-Jar!” Anakin said, surprised and pleased. “Wow, are you also here for the bakery? This place really is popular!”

“Ani! Little Ani! Wassa you doin here?” Jar-Jar looked around wildly, then stumbled out, foot catching at the gap. Windu darted forward and effortlessly saved the Gungan before he hit the floor, while Anakin stuck his arm forward to catch the closing door.

“Bakery, Jar Jar!” he said as he stepped inside. “I’d love to talk, but we’ve actually got to get back to the temple!”

Windu struggled to untangle himself from Jar-Jar, who was being particularly unhelpful about it, even for him. Wow he’s even clingier than usual this early in the morning. It’s nice how patient Master Windu is being; I feel like even Obi-Wan can be too hard on Jar-Jar sometimes.

“Actually Skywalker, why don’t you go on ahead and stow the bike- I just remembered I meant to pick something up for Council; I won’t take long.”

“Uh. Alright,” Anakin said, catching the keys. I guess I can’t really be late if I arrive with Master Windu.

“Ossa no!” Jar-Jar exclaimed sadly. “I was justa saying to Macey lassa night thatsa I missed talkin wit little Ani!”

Anakin smiled reassuringly as the lift began to close. “Don’t worry Jar-Jar! We’ll- catch uh-HOLD ON did you say LAST NIGHT?!”

Mace’s eyes closed in resignation as the door shut on the pair, Jar-Jar still tangled around the Jedi.

AND MACE WASN’T EVEN TRYING TO PUT HIM BACK UPRIGHT ANYMORE HOLY KRIFF JUST PUT THAT TOGETHER.

Anakin stared blankly at the metal walls as they rushed past. The lone Jedi Knight took a long sip of caff, then carefully placed the pastry bag and drink on the floor. He systematically wadded up the sleeve of his robe and shoved in his mouth. He then spent the next few minutes squealing with unholy glee while literally bouncing off the walls in a manner only accessible to a force sensitive in an elevator. He was still panting slightly when the lift opened on the primary parking level.

We can double date! Padme and I can host! I can help Mace and Jar-Jar plan their wedding! We can reform the order to allow for romantic love! I can be Jar-Jar’s best man! Padme and I can have another ceremony and Obi-Wan can give me away while Mace officiates and  and then we’ll all have sweesonbury cake and Jar-Jar can help teach our kids how to swim! 

With those dreamy thoughts running through his mind, it was child’s work to follow the the force to the unremarkable hovervan. He was humming to himself when Master Windu opened the door. 

He beamed at the older Jedi. Windu scowled in reply. Anakin smiled wider, unintimidated. He genuinely liked the Gungan, but anyone who could spend hours with Jar-Jar had to have a soft side.

“You know, Jar-Jar is a long time friend of Senator-”

“No.” Windu cut the eager words brusquely. 

Anakin shrank back, a little hurt.

(Maybe a lot hurt.)

Mace glanced over at the obviously crestfallen young General and sighed before amending his words.

“Not- Not right now, alright? Maybe if you’re miraculously more discrete about this than you are about your affection for Senator Amidala, then we can talk, understood?”

Anakin nodded with absolute determination, glimmering images of fairytale weddings visible once more. Distant, perhaps- but the chance was worth any amount of tongue biting. Now that there was a real, possible future where he could have it all, now that he knew Windu had a heart somewhere under his robes- he could be patient. 

He could be very patient.

Anakin calmed his grin down to a smaller, more Jedi-like smile, taking a sip of the cool but still really good caf. He channeled Obi-Wan’s most neutral diplomatic grace.

“Thank you for the ride, Master Windu. I appreciate it.”

Windu gave him an approving glance. “You’re more than welcome, Knight Skywalker.”

Feeling bold, he continued on with his best non-mocking impression of Obi-Wan.

"Have you had a chance to read the latest report on helmet redesigns? I think they might really improve peripheral vision without compromising concussive resistance.”

Mace hummed thoughtfully. “I have. I’m somewhat concerned about deploying such a radical change mid-campaign. Even better gear requires an adjustment period, and I’d rather minimize needless deaths while the troops readjust to hud flow.”

“Yes, that’s a reasonable concern, I was talking to Captain Rex-”

They spent the remainder of the flight chatting comfortably about troop safety and absentmindedly eating (or possibly stress eating in response to the prolonged absence of interpersonal conflict)��the box of pastries Mace had picked up. When they arrived at the temple, they divvied up the remainder between them, quietly agreeing that there weren’t enough to share anyway. 

They continued their conversation, Master Windu accompanying him to the orbital loading bay. 

Obi-Wan rushed over in alarm at the sight of them approaching. “Anakin, there you are- I was starting to wonder if you’d make it. Terribly sorry Master Windu- I hope he wasn’t too much of a bother-”

“He’s not your padawan anymore, you don’t have to apologize for him. Though I do appreciate the reflex.”

“I suppose the concern isn’t completely baseless.” Anakin said, tone deliberately mildly. Mace chuckled slightly and Obi-Wan took a step back, slightly frightened by the sudden camaraderie. Anakin pretended to take a sip from his now empty disposamug to avoid fist pumping the air or cheering.

“I- Yes well- the important thing is you’re here in time for departure. What- what is that in the bag.”

Moment of Truth. Don’t freak out. Focus. Prove you can be discrete, THEN double dates, THEN Jedi Wedding Ceremony.

“Sweesonbury Roll,” Anakin answered placidly. He pretended to take another sip of caf. “Master Windu was kind enough to give me a ride from the bakery.”

“That’s- I’m sorry, what?” Anakin bit the inside of cheek to keep himself from reacting to Obi-Wan’s palpable bewilderment.

“I had to double back and get more, but we came straight here after,” Mace added helpfully, with zero hint of intentional mischief. “Oh and Skywalker- you can call me Mace if we’re not discussing temple business.”

Anakin SCREAMED (internally, of course). Outwardly, he simply bowed politely. “And you’re welcome to call me Anakin, of course.”

He deliberately avoided looking directly at Obi-Wan, his former Master’s bug-eyed reaction already pushing him to the edge, even just visible as it was out of the corner of his eye.

Windu nodded in return. “Safe travels you two. May the force with you.”

“And with you.” Anakin replied.

“May the force be with you,” Obi-Wan rushed to say, after a short delay.

Master Windu turned and exited the cargo bay doors. Anakin threw out the mug in a nearby bin, pulling out a roll and biting into it before turning to face Obi-Wan. They made eye-contact, each waiting for the other to break first. Usually that would be Anakin, but he had goals now. The Knight chewed. His Master’s eyes narrowed. The older man (who may have aged significantly in the last 5 minutes) finally broke.

“Who are you?”

Anakin just sighed, maintaining the Kenobi impression. “Come on Master, we don’t want to keep the troops waiting.” With that, he walked forward, hiding his smile as Obi-Wan followed closely at his heels. 

“Since when does my apprentice visit bakeries with Mace Windu?” Obi-Wan asked, almost desperately.

“You’re making it sound like a bigger deal than it is.” 

Master Kenobi sputtered as the pair opened the airlock for the short-range shuttle. 

Anakin mustered up an earnest smile. “Master? Would you mind flying- I’m still eating and-”

Obi-Wan made an incoherent noise of horrified outrage before fumbling for his communicator. 

“What are you doing?”

“NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE RIGHT NOW. EITHER YOU AND MACE NEED TO GO TO THE HEALING HALLS OR I DO!”

Anakin burst out laughing. “Relax Obi-Wan, I’m messing with you, holy shit. Obviously I’m flying.”

Obi-Wan slumped into the co-pilot seat, rubbing at his eyes. “Don’t do that Anakin! My nerves are stretched thin enough by the war as it is-”

“Sorry, Sorry!”

They strapped in and took off, Anakin still chuckling occasionally, Obi-Wan scowling in irritation each time. 

They ascended above the towering skyline alongside the first rays of sunlight.

“So you didn’t go to a bakery with Master Windu this morning?”

“Uhh-”

[hufflepuffhollander]

off limits: tom holland one-shot

a/n | this is my submission for @chloecreatesfictions’ 1k writing challenge! i’ve never done the “brother’s best friend” trope and i def got a little too excited and carried away! real talk, this might be the cutest thing i’ve ever written

summary | as harrison osterfield’s younger sister, you’d always just seen his best friend tom as an annoying older brother. until, one day, you didn’t.

cw | tom x osterfield!reader. contains language, alcohol, recreational use of weeeed, teenage angst, sexual tension, fluff n’ stuff. 5k words.

For as long as you could remember, Tom Holland had been a stitch in your side that you could never get rid of.

Growing up as your older brother’s best friend, he was always at your house when you were children— and his favorite pastime when Harrison was boring him was to break into your room and mess with you, stealing your toys or running his hands across the piano keys when you were trying to practice in peace. No matter how many locks you put on your door just to keep Tom out, he was always able to pick them.

As you all got older, he grew to annoy you in a different way, blasting loud, grungy music through Harrison’s bedroom walls late at night or eating things out of the fridge that clearly had your name on them. Once he’d started to garner some attention as an actor, his ego skyrocketed, and somehow he became an even bigger nuisance. He dragged Harrison away from you and took him all over the world while you had to sit idly by and love your brother from a distance.

When Tom would come over now, he would talk of nothing but hollywood parties and getting drunk with the biggest a-listers when he knew you were listening. He would ignore you when he breezed past you in the hallway, and even had the audacity to go into your bedroom when you were out and smoke a blunt on your bed so your whole room smelled like a music festival when you got home; and worst of all, it was your weed.

It was sufficient to say you were Tom Holland’s least enthusiastic fan. And it was rather unfortunate, because you were a big stan of the MCU—and secretly loved getting high and watching and re-watching the spider-man movies the most. Okay, don’t make that face. They have a good storyline.

It was a regular Friday night, you were aimlessly scrolling through your phone while Harrison and Tom were getting ready to go pub hopping. Harrison always invited you, but you never took him up on his offer because you knew how flirty you got with alcohol in your system and wouldn’t dare feel that way around Tom. He was notorious for taking anything nice you said about him and rubbing it in your face for at least a week after. 

“You know you secretly love me, babe.”

You hated when he called you babe, and he knew it. But since you’d both grown up, time had done you both a favor, and there was always an air of something you couldn’t quite place your finger on whenever you interacted...the pet name just made it more interesting.

“Hey, y/n, are you sure you don’t want to come out with us?” Harrison yelled from outside your bedroom door, and you peeked your head out to respond.

“Nah, it’s fine, Haz, go have fun. I have enough uni work to keep me busy.”

“It’s a Friday night, nerd.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and smiled. “Sorry I’m not a budding alcoholic like you, big bro.”

He laughed, blew you a kiss, and he and Tom were off.

Only about an hour later, you decided to take a break from studying and light up a joint, turning on your go-to movie for background noise- but were snapped out of your vibey trance when you heard the front door swing open, and your brother’s loud, drunk voice.

“W-why are we h-home, you div,” he slurred, as his heavy footsteps start to climb the stairs. After a long moment, you heard him collapse on his bed through your thin walls, still stammering out his words. “Thomas, I promise you, I am fineeee...”

“Mate, you’re sloshed. Go to bed.”

You decided to leave them be. This was a typical occurrence- one of the boys went too hard too early, and the other had to babysit until they made it home to pass out cold, usually on the bed, or the couch, or on a good day, the floor.

A few minutes passed while you hotboxed your room, feeling amazingly relaxed, until you saw your doorknob wriggling out of the corner of your eye. Your door was locked, so you ignored it. But the knob kept twisting and falling back in place, making the whole frame shake. After a long while of witnessing a ghost try to make its way into your room, you watched your lock turn slowly and click out of place, the door creaking opened to reveal Tom, swatting at the air when a cloud of smoke greeted him.

You snapped your laptop closed before he could hear his own voice flowing out of your speakers. “Tom, for the last time, stop picking my fucking lock!” You beamed your nearest pillow at him—which he caught before it struck him—and he threw it back, hitting you square in the face. Of course.

He flashed a cocky smile. “Why? It’s so easy.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m serious! I could’ve been naked or something!”

He just stood in the doorframe, giving you a once-over in your thin cotton t-shirt and yoga pants, and kept that smug expression locked on his face. 

“Ew, Tom, you’re disgusting. Get out.”

He decidedly did not get out, instead closing the door behind him and hopping up next to you on your bed, the divot in your mattress leaving your bodies pressed much too close together. You were met with a strong whiff of his cologne and the gin he must’ve been drinking earlier. “I’ll take that,” he muttered as he lifted your joint out of your fingers and took a puff, sucking his breath in as his lungs filled. 

Your stomach filled with a dull fire and you narrowed your eyes. “Do you mind?”

He turned to face you and blew a big puff of smoke directly into your face, the notorious smirk making its reappearance. “Not at all, thanks for asking though.”

You groaned aloud. “What are you doing in here?” he took another draw and handed you back what was rightfully yours, smoke dissipating from his mouth as he spoke.

“Haz is pissed and I’m bored.”

You relit the bud and inhaled for a long while, figuring you’d need to be pretty intoxicated to not smack him in the face if he tried to talk again. “Well, go be bored somewhere else. I was busy.”

He cocked an eyebrow at you and reached across your lap for your computer. “Doing what?” 

Oh shit. “Dude, can you not-?!” you yelped, but he had swiped it too quickly out of your grasp, and opened it up to find himself paused on your screen. You laid back on your bed so he couldn’t see your cheeks now flushed with embarrassment and grabbed your lighter from your nightstand. It was going to be a long evening.

He leaned himself over to catch your eye and had the stupidest, most prideful look plastered across his face. “Gotcha.”

You punched him in the arm as he erupted into laughter—but the anger inside you had been dulled by the weed and replaced with a childlike silliness—and you started to giggle, too. You looked up into his eyes, pupils now wildly dilated and tinted red around the edges.

“Shut up, Tom, you’re high,” you said in between chuckles.

“Yeah? Well so are you!”

You poked fun at each other for a while, suddenly in a mutually fantastic mood. You knew in the back of your mind that none of this would be happening if you hadn’t gotten stoned together, but you enjoyed the warm company anyway. 

“Well, you gotta finish it, don’t you?” he said, settling back down and fixating the computer on his lap so you could both see it.

“You really want to watch your own movie?”

“Doll, it’s my favorite thing to do.” he smiled at you.

“God, you’re the worst.” you felt some butterflies make an entrance in your chest that had never been there before.

He pressed play and cozied up on your bed, lying back against the wall with his arm lazily draped behind you. You pulled a blanket up onto your lap and had really no choice but to lean on him for support, neither of you admitting out loud that you were full on cuddling and not angry about it.

“Hey, aren’t you gonna share?” he whined, pulling at the corner of your blanket.

“Get your own,” you responded, internally high-fiving yourself for finally getting the chance to sass him back. Sure, you had your head comfortably resting on his shoulder, but that didn’t mean you were suddenly friends.

You let the movie play, the two of you blowing through the joint until it was a dwindling nub. The scene where Peter has his big kiss with MJ started, and you stifled a snigger as their lips met on the screen.

Tom had clear offense laced through his words. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” you shrugged.

He sat up to look at you, eyebrows knit together in an angry pout. “Tell me.”

“I just...feel bad for Zendaya, that’s all.” you covered your mouth to keep from laughing, and his eyes rolled so far back into his head you were sure they’d be stuck that way forever.

“You’re such a brat,” he started, his ego finding its old place back in his voice. “I’m an amazing kisser. She told me herself.”

You looked away from him, taking a heavy exhale. “Yeah, whatever, dude.”

He sat even more upright and paused the movie, taking hold of your shoulder to make you turn to him. “What, you don’t believe me?”

You realized then how physically close you had gotten, as you could feel the syllables of his words in his breath hitting your face. He was doing that thing boys do, when they’re thinking about kissing you but don’t- their stares going back and forth between your lips and your eyes in a not so subtle way. It freaked you out to see him that close and personal, and you whispered back exactly what you knew would irk him the most.

“Nope.”

He moved his face impossibly closer to yours, and you felt his soft lips lightly brush over your own. You weren’t sure if this was real, or just a high hallucination, but you didn’t move away. This was entirely uncharted territory.

“Tooommmm!” you heard Harrison yell out from the other side of the wall. “Where are yooouuu?! I’m so thirsty!” Tom immediately jerked his head away from you and shook himself out of the moment. You brought your hand up to your cheek and shuddered at how hot it had become- your own body was betraying you.

“God, he’s gonna be the death of me,” Tom said, shoving himself off the bed and walking out of your room, glancing back at you for a moment and then closing the door behind him. Just like that, he was gone, and you were left trapped in your own psyche wondering what the hell had just happened.

Over the course of the next week, things has become exponentially weirder between you and Tom. He seemed to be spending much more time at your house than he normally did, even sleeping a few nights there instead of driving the five minutes back to be in his own bed. One unsuspecting morning, you knocked on your bathroom door, annoyed that it had been shut for such a long time. 

“Haz, if you use up all the hot water again, I’m gonna kill you,” you said in between knocks. You were taken by surprise when it swung open, steam billowing out into the cool air.

“Whoops,” you heard a voice say, immediately realizing it wasn’t your brother. You took a step backward to see Tom emerge, wearing nothing but a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. His hair was damp and clinging to his forehead, and he looked like some glowing magazine model. 

“Uh, sorry,” you stammered, accidentally inhaling the yummy smell of his soap and shampoo emanating off of his skin.

He noticed you eyeing him and a sly grin appeared as he rolled his bottom lip under his teeth. “Shower’s all yours, babe,” he said, bumping your shoulder with his own as he walked away. You were stuck in place and didn’t see him glancing back at you as he wandered down the hallway. 

Another day after that, Tom and Harrison were looking for a certain record to play, but it was nowhere to be found. “It might be in y/n’s room,” Harrison said, sitting back in his lounge chair. “Wanna go grab it?”

Tom coughed. “Why do I have to get it?”

“Because I’m comfortable.”

Tom felt a mix of annoyance and nerves in his chest as he walked the short distance down the hallway to your room where the door was already cracked open. He invited himself in—excitement faltering a little when he saw you weren’t in your usual spot on your bed—and started to sift through your bookshelves.

You had been in the bathroom getting dressed after your shower, but realized you left your shirt in your closet- and seeing that Harrison’s bedroom door was still shut, you figured it was safe to run across the landing into your room without anyone seeing you. In just a bra and spandex shorts that left little to the imagination, you swiftly made your way across the hall and walked through your door that was still open a crack to see Tom kneeled down as he shuffled through your record collection.

He heard your small gasp when you entered to find him, and swiveled around to you standing only a few feet away from him in the least amount of clothing he’d ever seen on you. He abruptly stood up but didn’t move, eyes sparkling as they rolled down your body.

“What the fuck! Why are you always in my room?!” You were too shocked to think about finding something to cover yourself with, and put your hands over your face, trying not to die of embarrassment. Tom remained glued to his place on your carpet, clearly at a loss for words.

“Tom, can you leave please-”

“Right, yeah, okay, uh, bye-” he hurried out of your room, swinging the door almost shut but leaving just a crack so he could speak into it.

“...I like your shorts.”

“TOM!”

He chuckled and closed the door, and you slumped against the wall, still holding your head in your hands. What was this sudden hold he had over you? And why did you love the way that he was staring at you?

That night, you had a big paper to complete, and you were perched in your bed typing away as it got dark. In between two songs on your playlist, you heard the familiar jiggle of a doorknob. Looking up over your screen, you watched as the metal turned in its socket, and heard a soft “crushed it” as the lock undid itself. Your door opened steadily and slowly, a familiar face peeking in at you.

“Hi.”

“Oh sweet jesus,” you mumbled.

“You busy?”

“Clearly.”

“Cool.” Tom let himself into your room, shutting the door behind him and sauntering over to your bed, sitting down next to you, bouncing like a little kid and singing his words. “Whatcha doooin’?”

“Homework,” you said, continuing to type and trying your best to ignore the way the sound of his voice was waking up something electric inside of you. He leaned into your body to peer at your computer screen, pretending to be interested in whatever you were writing about. His elbow got in the way of your hands, and you had to stop typing.

“Thomas, is there something I can help you with?”

“Haz is asleep,” he said, resting his head on your shoulder like it hadn’t been a week since your almost-kiss and you hadn’t been actively avoiding bringing it up.

You felt jittery. “And?”

He gently pushed your hands away from the keyboard and closed your laptop shut, giving you a sheepish smile. “Wanna get high?”

Honestly, you did.

You turned on your lamp and turned off the overhead light, put on that record he finally found, lighting a candle and then another hand-rolled blunt. This time, Tom sat upright with you perpendicular to him, your legs swung over his lap. When he made a joke, he’d give your leg a little squeeze- and whether it was purposeful or not, you were filled with schoolgirl nerves every time it happened.

All the angsty barriers built up over years of a sibling-like rivalry had come down between the two of you as you smoked together; you suddenly found all of his bad jokes funny, and he couldn’t peel his eyes away from the cute way you scrunched your nose when you laughed. Every time you exchanged the blunt, you couldn’t help but think about how his lips had just been on it a moment before yours. The night came and went, and you ended up falling asleep wrapped in his arms as he dozed off with his chin pressed to your forehead.

You both woke up at the same time in the dead of night, unsure of how late it had gotten. Still nestled into each other, you exchanged sleepy glances and no words, taking a moment to realize the position you had put yourselves in. 

Tom grazed your jawline with the back of his hand and lifted up your chin with his thumb. You let your eyes flutter shut and he kissed you in the dark for one long, everlasting moment. He pulled back from you hesitantly, leaving you breathless. Did that really just happen?

“We...we can’t,” he whispered, his words tinged with sadness.

Your heart broke for him just hearing his voice. “Why not?”

“You’re my best friend’s little sister, y/n.”

“And you’re my brother’s best friend. So what?” you were almost upset with yourself for being so vulnerable; so visibly pining after him.

“So, you’re off limits,” he said, resting his forehead against yours. 

“Says who?” 

That prompted Tom to meet your gaze again, and this time you took initiative, moving your face to his and taking his bottom lip in between yours. He took a sharp inhale as you kissed him and seemed to let all inhibition go as he put his arms around your back and pressed you into him hard, all of his pent up feelings for you suddenly flowing out of him. He kissed you in a needy, desperate kind of way, and you loved every second of it. You ran your fingers through his hair, traced his jawline, using your hands to feel every bit of him that you couldn’t before. The strangest part of it all was how natural it felt- like you had been practicing for this very moment all your lives. 

Your record had stopped spinning a while ago, the room now filled with just the breathy noises of your kisses, your contented hums and his tiny mews when you bit his lips. You were both still barely lucid, and after countless minutes of nothing but innocent kisses, you were on the brink of falling asleep again, serotonin whisking you away into dreams. Tom sighed into you, and clasped his hand around yours.

“I have to go.”

“What? Why?” you felt your heart preeminently sink in your chest; like you should’ve known this was too good to last.

“I don’t want him to wake up and find us here,” he trailed off, staring down at your intertwined fingers fiddling together.

“So that’s it?” you tried to swallow back the sudden upwell of feelings inside you.

“No, no...” his eyes filled with some type of emotional strain you’d never seen. “I- I don’t want this to be it. But I don’t want things to get...messy.”

Unfortunately, you couldn’t blame him, because you understood.

“Can you come back tomorrow night?” you whispered, very not ready to let his spot next to you grow cold.

“I don’t know...”

You looked up at him doe-eyed, cooing. “Please?”

He nodded, looking away from you before he completely caved and stayed there forever. “I’ll come back.”

He pressed one last kiss onto your lips and slowly got up, reluctantly letting go of your hand as he left your room. “Goodnight, babe.”

Hearing him call you babe, finally free of demeaning sarcasm, made your heart soar. 

“Goodnight, Tom.”

The door shut and you were left alone, the stillness of your room sticking out in sharp contrast with how quickly your heart was racing.

For the next few nights, Tom spent the evenings at your house with Harrison, waiting until he fell asleep to make his way next door to you. You’d smoke together, watch his movies—and in heated moments got a little handsy—but you never went past kissing, though you both desperately wanted to. It was too risky having your brother right next door; and you knew all too well how paper thin your walls were. But in those secretive hours after solar midnight, just being able to exist next to Tom and letting him hold you, you were the happiest you could ever remember being. The second night he left your room to let you sleep, he placed a light kiss on your forehead after he stood up that made the whole thing feel a little too...real.

The next day, you walked into the kitchen and found Harrison at the fridge. You were in a great mood for obvious reasons but couldn’t let it show. “Hey, got any fun plans today?”

He turned around after shoving a handful of grapes in his mouth. “Nope, got some admin stuff to do and gonna turn in early.”

“Oh, Tom isn’t coming over?”

“No, I told him to take a night off. He’s been smothering me, y’know?” he laughed and ate a few more grapes, but then turned to you, confused. “Since when do you care if he’s coming over?”

You swallowed, unsure of what to say. “Just want to know if I need to stay out of the way,” you faked a laugh and blinked hard, hoping he wasn’t paying too much attention to your facial expressions.

“Uh, alright then. You two are always so fuckin’ weird around each other.” He seemed to feel that was a good way to end your exchange and walked out of the kitchen, throwing a grape at you.

You rolled your eyes at your brother, but then felt the sadness bubble up upon registering that you weren’t going to see Tom tonight. But really, how long did you think you could keep this up? The feelings you were developing for him scared you, you didn’t know what to make of them; all you knew was that your days suddenly seemed much grayer without him.

Nighttime came around, and you couldn’t sleep, so you did the unthinkable and sent Tom a text. Your thumb shook as you hit send, knowing that there was now tangible evidence of the connection you’d developed, that it wasn’t just some invention of your mind.

hey, are you awake?

T: yeah, can’t sleep. you?

obviously, i just texted you.

T: shut it.

A minute passed...

T: got room for one more over there?

You smiled like an idiot at your phone.

maybe.

Less than 10 minutes later, you heard the familiar wriggle of your doorknob. You don’t know why you even bothered locking it anymore.

“Hey you,” he whispered, carefully shutting the door behind him.

“Tom, you know you could’ve just knocked and I would’ve let you in- you don’t have to keep picking the lock.”

“Old habits die hard.”

You chuckled and stood up to greet him at your door as he unexpectedly wrapped you in an amazingly tight hug. He rested his chin on top of your head and started to sway your bodies back and forth. You laid your head on his chest and said hello to his heartbeat.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it was almost hard to fall asleep without you,” he murmured, placing another one of those domestic kisses on your scalp.

“Well, now you don’t have to.” you smiled. He waddled you backwards to your bed and you sat down as your legs hit the bedframe, prompting Tom to fall onto you as you giggled into his body that was now covering your face.

“Okay, goodniiight,” he said, refusing to move. You poked at his sides making him jump, and he grabbed your waist and rolled you on top of him. You instinctively leaned down so your lips could clash together in the way you were so used to, trying hard to not confess that you’d completely fallen in love with him when you finally had the breath to speak. He pushed your hair to cascade to one side of his face, and nuzzled your nose with his own, closing his eyes and humming with a smile. “Mmm.”

“Hmm?”

“Just happy.”

You rested your sleepy head on his warm chest, and fell into a deep sleep, letting the steady drumming in his chest be a metronome to breathe to.

~

“Oh, shit. Shit shit shit.”

You woke up abruptly, the bright light of day blinding you as you tried to open your eyes to the string of expletives you’d just heard come from a familiar voice. Once you’d opened them, though, you wish you had kept them shut so you hadn’t seen who had spoken.

“Harrison?!”

He was standing in your room, peering at you with hands half covering his eyes when you realized that there was a sleeping Tom underneath you.

Your brother paced in a circle and exhaled loudly. “Tell me I’m not seeing what I’m seeing.”

You nudged Tom awake with your elbow and immediately rolled off of him, trying to hide the very obvious fact that you had slept together all night. You never let him stay the full night for this exact reason, but he had been so ridiculously happy holding you in his arms that he forgot to set an alarm to wake him at the crack of dawn and leave. You sat up straight in your bed, twisting your hair in your hands, bracing yourself for the inevitable tirade.

Tom picked his head up to see Harrison standing there with his arms crossed, and flopped his head back on the pillow. “Fuck. Hey, mate.” He tried to play it off like this was the most normal thing that could happen on a Thursday morning.

“Is this why you’re always such bumbling fools around one another? You’ve been, what, fucking each other when I’m not around?” Harrison looked like he wanted to throw up at the thought.

“Haz, no, it’s not like that,” you said, but he didn’t seem convinced. “It’s just been smoking together and cuddling, really, that’s it,” you were torn between wanting to console your brother and admitting to both him and Tom that this was more to you than that. But Tom already knew that, because it was for him, too.

Tom looked like a deer in headlights. “I’m so sorry, dude-”

Harrison walked out of the room, and the two of you were left sitting in your bed, worry filling your eyes. Only a moment later, your brother reappeared in the doorway.

“Look, you idiots, I don’t care that you’re snuggling off the clock—you’re my two favorite people in the world, and to see you together, honestly, it’s about damn time,” he started, making both your and Tom’s jaws fall slightly agape. You exchanged a knowing look. Wait, is he not mad? Wait, about damn time??

“But I wish you would’ve told me so we could all hang out together. I don’t appreciate the sneaking around.” 

You cocked your head at him, sending him a loving gaze for always just wanting what’s best for you. 

“I’m just mad you aren’t including me in your hotbox sessions, really.” He laughed and ran his hands through his hair, pulling his face back to make a wild expression.

All three of you started to chuckle out of sheer awkwardness and relief.

“Come here.” Harrison held his hands out and you both gave a mutual aww as you ran into your brother’s arms, squeezing him tight.

“I love you, big bro.”

“I know. Now I’m gonna get out of here before you start kissing in front of me, or worse,” he moaned, swiftly exiting your room. “This is gonna be the grossest thing I’ve ever seen...” you heard him say to himself as he left.

You turned to Tom, still shocked at how well that had gone considering what he was assuming would happen. You swallowed the butterflies that you’d welcomed as friends and stepped back to him still sitting on the bed, putting your arms around his neck.

“And you,” you started, swinging your legs over his lap to straddle him. “I have to confess something.”

Tom placed his hands back on your hips where they rightfully belonged and smiled at you. “I’m listening.”

“I don’t mind you calling me babe anymore.” you grinned at his face drop, obviously assuming that you were going to say something else.

“Oh, and why’s that?” he prodded.

You looked up and off to the side as you squeezed his shoulders. “Maybe because I’m just a tad bit in love with you,” you trailed off, stiff as a board at what he could possibly say next.

“Well, babe,” he put emphasis on the pet name, “That’s a relief, because I was worried I might be the only one falling here.”

You grabbed his face and kissed him, kneading his soft cheeks under your thumbs, whispering exactly what you knew would get him the most.

“Nope.”

[draco-spencers-paramour]

Love me like she loves you (part 2)

spencer reid x fem!reader (season 3 spencer)

tw: instant mentions of blood, violence. I apologise that it’s quite icky, hard hitting and upsetting so reader discretion is deeply advised. Angst, angst, angst (season 5 storyline)

You woke up with a fuzziness in your vision as reality blurred together before you. You felt a sharp pain on the side of your head and abdomen. You were absolutely freezing, covered in your own blood, surprised you were even alive from the amount of blood that you’d lost. It hit you like a truck. I’ve been kidnapped. The low voice chuckled as your eyes fluttered open weakly, ‘Ah sweetheart, you’re awake. Fantastic!’ You studied the face as you processed what was happening to you. ‘Who are you?’ you trailed off, slurring.

‘Who am i?’ he mocked your voice. ‘The names Robert. Nice to meet you.’ He put out his hand knowing you couldn’t shake it due to him typing you up ‘Oh yeah sorry I forgot I tied you up!’ He laughed. You could see the condensation from your breath ‘My team will be looking for me you know. I’m apart of the FBI.’ he tutted at you ‘As if I didn’t know that. It’s the best part of the show. I have access to all your social media accounts. They won’t look for you sweetie not until I’ve finished our first episode. But I promise they’ll know and see everything. I’ll take great care of you. You’re the star of the show.’ you grimaced ‘What do you mean the show?’ he gave a slimy grin before unveiling a sheet off of a live recording video camera.

‘Flash a smile it might your only chance.’ he grabbed your face and forced you to look at it. You pulled your face away and your teeth began to chatter. ‘Cold are we? Don’t worry you’ll warm up from our upcoming activities.’ You struggled in against the chair ‘Robert please this won’t help you. You don’t need to do this. What is it you want?’ he shook his head and smiled evilly ‘The problem is we are too similar. My viewers will be waiting and I cant disappoint them. Our similarities are what make us so different. And I hate it. I hate you.’

You were more confused than ever ‘How are we similar in any way Robert?’ he slapped your face ‘You don’t get to ask questions you stupid bitch. Just sit back and take what’s coming to you. Give us a good performance ok?’ You narrowed your eyes at him before he grabbed a pen knife and started scraping across your skin going deeper as he traced it up your leg. The pain began to sear in as he got to mid thigh and blood began to draw. You screamed for him to stop but he would not relent. ‘Well done! See you can follow instructions? My fans will enjoy that one and hopefully your little pathetic police friends will too.’ Tears spilled from your face as he kneeled down to your eye level ‘Don’t cry yet we’ve still got to film the rest of the episode.’ he smirked as you shook your head.

••••

‘She hasn’t responded in 24 hours. Just updated her facebook status to ‘on vacation.’ Spencer enquired as he looked through your social media from Garcia’s computer. ‘On vacation? She never mentioned she was going on holiday? And she never uses facebook. She literally hates social media she only uses it so I can send her cat videos’ Garcia bit her nails and continued ‘Reid I have a bad feeling about this.’ Spencer sighed and put his head in his hands ‘ I am the stupidest person on earth.’ Garcia scoffed ‘Only now you realise that? You may be book-smart Reid but you have the IQ of 10 when it comes to women.’

‘She loves me? How could I have not seen it? She’s so kind and sweet to me and she’s obviously immensely beautiful and...I’m a terrible person.’ Spencer admitted. Derek chuckled as he heard Reid ‘Right you are. Dude all you do is flirt with JJ, breaking Y/N’s cute little heart. She’s in love with you man. You can’t let a girl like her get away.’ Garcia shook her head ‘Well I think he just did. And I think we need to speak to Hotch and Gideon like now. I think- no- I know Y/N is in trouble. We need to get to her apartment asap. She hasn’t responded to any of our texts and calls and the only thing she has done, is updated her facebook status. Everyone knows that Y/N literally despises social media and never uses it.’

Derek furrowed his brows ‘What the hell are we still doing here then? Let’s go.’ Garcia debriefed Hotch and Emily in the back of the SUV as Derek and Spencer sat in the front. ‘I don’t flirt with JJ.’ Spencer said in a quiet whisper so that the people in the back couldn’t hear ‘Yes you do Pretty boy. Every time JJ is around you go straight to her.’ Derek shook his head. Spencer grimaced ‘She’s my best friend Derek and I’m her son’s godfather. When I talk to her, all we do is talk about Henry.’ Derek looked back at the road as he was driving ‘Y/N is your best friend too and to her it seems like every time you’re with her you always leave her, without warning and run off to JJ.’ before Spencer could respond, the team pulled up at your apartment ‘Her car is still there.’ he panicked. ‘Calm down Reid. If she is missing we’ll find her.’ Derek assured him. The team entered your apartment complex slowly and headed up, guns in hands. They got to your door and it was half open. They never expected to see what they saw as Emily pushed the door open. Your apartment, covered in blood.

Spencer froze in horror as they all entered the apartment ‘Check the rooms.’ Hotch shouted. ‘Clear.’ everybody said as they each went into every one. Spencer hurried back into the living room as the team gathered together. Hotch reached down and pressed his radio ‘I’d to file a kidnapping report. Victim is Agent Y/N Y/L/N. Send a forensic unit here stat.’ Spencer felt worse than he ever thought possible as his eyes became glassy. He climbed back into the SUV trying to calm himself down. ‘With that amount of blood she can’t possibly be alive.’ Emily said ‘Shutup Emily.’ Derek spat and gestured to a devastated Spencer. She surrendered and tightened her lips as she sinked back down into her seat.

••••

‘Stop please..please!’ you cried as robert cut a deep line for the 7th time up your leg. He slapped your face with the gun ‘And I keep telling you to shut up! But you won’t!’ you were in no condition to be alive. Yet you were. He only kept your t shirt and denim shorts on so that you would freeze. Your jumper had been discarded long ago and in its place cuts your arm that he had made that were still bleeding. ‘I might keep you alive for longer. My viewers seem to like you.’ Robert explained as he got notifications from people watching his torture snuff film. ‘Try not to die okay? Obviously it’s fine if you do. But just try.’

••••

The ride back to the BAU was silent just the sound of Hotch speaking to the rest of the team via radio about the information they’ve gathered so far. Once back in the office Hotch called for meeting in the conference room. Spencer sat there pale as a ghost. ‘We’ve a got a missing female under the BAU, Agent Y/N Y/L/N.’ everyone visibly gulped. Penelope entered the room in a silent sob heading straight to Derek. ‘Sshhh babygirl we’re gonna find her.’ penelope stood up and wiped her eyes ‘Theres something you guys need to see. I was just sent it.’ she said in a teary voice. The video played and it was an immediate clip of you tied to a chair. Spencer felt like he was gonna be sick as his face contorted into a painful expression.

The team watched on as you screamed for Robert to stop hurting you. By this point, he had cut multiple lines up your legs and arms and you were bleeding quite badly. Robert came up behind you and put the knife to your neck ‘Hope you all enjoyed the show! You’ll never find her. Now Y/N, is there anything you’d like to say before we finish the first episode? You have 3 seconds.’ you sat half conscious in the chair as robert pressed the knife harder against your neck you screamed out ‘I love you Spencer.’ and then the tape shut off. Everyone in the room was horrified at what they’d just witnessed. Spencer sat for at least a second before he broke down in tears. JJ came behind him and put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him, before he smacked it away ‘You.’ he stood up and spat at her.

JJ stared at him completely bewildered ‘What? Am I not allowed to be upset?’ she said wiping her own tears away ‘This is your fault Jenifer. If you would have kept your mouth shut Y/N wouldn’t have left the office early and she wouldn’t now be getting tortured by a psychopath.’ she pursed her lips and shook her head ‘I’m sorry Spencer but I still don’t understand how this is my fault.’ he shook his head ‘Because I love her! I’m in love with her Jenifer. It’s always been Y/N. I’ll never love you!’ he shouted before sinking to his knees and crying into his hands ‘Why didn’t I say it back as soon as she told me she loved me?’ Derek bent down to Spencer’s level and rubbed his arm ‘You were scared man. You had two women telling you the same thing. You didn’t wanna hurt anybody’s feelings Reid. You were being considerate.’

JJ put her hands in her pockets ‘Spence I am sorry okay? It wasn’t fair of me. Is there anything I can do to make up for it?’ Spencer shook his head ‘Find Y/N. But apart from that I think I’d like to stay away from you JJ. You’re right, what you did was not fair and made no sense. I’m confused and angry at you. So just please stay out my way.’ he said bluntly. She nodded ‘Okay. I will.’

Spencer stood up being pulled into a hug by Penelope ‘We’re gonna find her’ she whispered to Spencer. And he sure as hell hoped she was right.

that took me an embarrassingly long time to post i apologise so much thank you for waiting. God that was and emotional and scarring rollercoaster

taglist: @marvelfansworld @the-art-of-living-honestly @haylaansmi

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

hello! can I please request an angst fic with Satan losing control and getting angry at the MC because they made a deal with someone and is willing to give up their life just to bring Lilith back for the brothers? and yes Satan is in love but he just didn't tell them yet! thank you so much for opening requests, can't tell you how much I adore your writings <3

Not Your Choice To Make (Satan x GN!MC Angst) 

What had he done to deserve you? What had any of his brothers done to deserve someone like you? You were caring, always so happy, and you were selfless. So, so selfless. As if any of them deserved a person like you in their lives, and he knew that the answer was no. You were the kind of human who’s name went on the reservation list to Heaven as soon as you were born. Apparently the big man upstairs had a plan for everyone, and your plan had been set in motion the day that you were brought into the world. Had God known what you were going to do though? Did he know that you would end up down here? If so, why would he allow it? What kind of God was he to allow you to be brought into such a horrid place, the worst place, biblically speaking? It didn’t make sense, and now… now everything was messed up because you were good… you were too good. You should have never been brought here. 

He had never even met his sister, but he knows that his brothers adored her, they loved her, and they missed her dearly, especially Beelzebub and Belphegor. Even with all that, it wasn’t your problem to fix, it wasn’t your problem to solve. Every single one of them loved Lilith, but every single one of them loved you as well, some more than others, although he’d never be able to tell you. “What do you mean you made a deal with someone to bring her back? Y/N, that is… that is the stupidest thing… Do you even remember who you talked to?” He was trying to stay calm, he really was, but this situation alone had him filled with rage, and his Avatar had nothing to do with it at all. How could you do something like that? To them… to him? It was so selfishly selfless, so careless. “Satan… I was just trying to do the right thing. I know how much everyone misses her and-” His head was shaking so fast, his hands balled up into tight fists as he tried to get your words out of his head. 

“Everyone? Everyone misses her… you’re right. But do you have even the slightest inkingly of an idea how much we’d miss you? Losing you would be like losing her all over again to them.” Losing you would be the worst thing to ever happen to himself though. He’s never gone through loss, he’s never experienced the pain that comes along with it. That’s why he has to fix this as soon as possible. “Please calm down… the guy said that-” He let out a low growl, holding his hand up to silence you. He didn’t want to hear what the guy said, he just wanted this problem fixed. He wanted it solved, and as much as he hated to do it, he went to the only other person in the entire Devildom who could possibly help him. 

The doors to Lucifer’s office were almost thrown off the hinges when Satan burst through them, pulling you along behind him. “Yes, Satan? If this is about something Mammon did, I don’t have-” Satan didn’t appreciate it, the way that Lucifer refused to even look up from his stupid paperwork to aknowledge him. He wouldn’t be bursting through the doors if it was a Mammon problem, hell, at this point he even wished it was a Mammon problem so he could handle it himself. “It’s not Mammon. It’s Y/N.” That got his attention real quick, his head snapping up from his desk to look at you, the way you stood behind Satan shyly, almost embarrassed… what could have happened? You didn’t look harmed, you didn’t look scared, even with the way that Satan was acting. “What’s wrong?” 

You didn’t want to reiterate the story, it would just take too long, and Satan actually agreed. There was no time to waste, and your reasoning, in his eyes, and hopefully in his brothers eyes as well didn’t justify your actions, as nice as they may have been. “She made a deal… with some guy that she doesn’t even know the name of… to bring Lilith back…” It was hard for him to even get the words out, they were upsetting, and they pissed him off. What you did pissed him off more than anything, but not because he was actually mad at you… he was mad at himself for letting you out of his sight long enough to even let something like this happen. Lucifer’s eyes were wide as he stared at you, his adams apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard, trying to let what Satan had told him sink in. “To bring… she can’t come back anyway… no one can bring her back. She’s… she’s dead. She’s been dead. Everyone knows that.” Everyone should know that. Of course, you didn’t… you didn’t know that at all, or else you wouldn’t have made a deal with the random demon in the first place. “Wh-What did you offer… to this demon, if I may ask.” Lucifer wasn’t the kind of guy to stutter, he never got tripped up on his words, but now he felt like he was on a race against time to get to the bottom of this, to sort all of this out. He needed to know every single detail, and this is the part that got Satan’s attention as well. He hadn’t heard about the actual… transaction, if you can call it that. He had only heard about why you did it. 

“I offered.. My uh… my soul… my life…” The tension is the room was palpable, but so thick. The growl that had come out of Satan earlier was nothing compared to this. His Avatar was in full play now, his rage spurred on by this tornado of emotions that his body just couldn’t handle. How could anyone be able to handle this? “Oh no…” Was all Lucifer had to say as he fell back in his chair, dropping his face into his hands as he shook his head. That didn’t seem to help though, not at all. The next thing you knew, Satan was storming out of the office and up the stairs into his room, slamming his door shut, the force behind it was enough to rattle the pictures on the walls downstairs. “I just thought I could bring her back… I didn’t know…” 

The books that were stacked up on his floor were all kicked over, scattered across the room as he broke down. “This is why humans don’t belong here… Y/N doesn’t belong here… never did.” But he knows that his life without you having come in it would have been dull, boring and depressing. He loved you, he loves you… but what’s the point in all of that now? What’s the point in having feelings for you, of ever having feelings for you? It wasn’t fair, not to you, not to him, and not to his brothers. “Wasn’t their choice to make…” He was mumbling to himself now as he fell back onto his bed, his hands covering his face, hoping that nobody would come into his room, but if they did, he would have time to wipe the stray tears that trickled down the corners of his eyes. There was no way to undo this, the deal had already been made. Even if they killed the guy, he would just end up back in Hell, and he would inevitably come at some point to retrieve your soul. You wouldn’t end up back in the Devildom though, you’d spend what would feel like forever in Purgatory, or stuck in limbo until the big man up in the clouds made a final decision on where you belong. 

“Maybe if we just find him-” You were still down in Lucifer's office, trying to find ways to fix this, to make it all just go away. Every suggestion was turned down, and you didn’t know whether he was just becoming irritated with your list of “possible solutions” or if he was just exhausted. This whole thing was draining, because at the end of it all, Lucifer himself knew that there was nothing he could do to solve the problem at hand. “You don’t understand, Y/N. Demons aren’t simple, you must already know that much. They’re malicious and mischievous. They’ll do anything to make a deal, especially with someone as pure hearted as you are. Every demon down here knows about Lilith, and every single one of them already knows she can’t be brought back. Whoever he was, he took advantage of your kindness, and there is nothing that can be done about it. I’m sorry.” He shook his head, hating that he had to lay it out to you like that, but you needed to know. You were always so hopeful, that’s what got you stuck in this predicament in the first place, but there was no hope to be had, not anymore. 

“Well… can’t we just get Lord Diavolo to find the guy…? Can’t he do something?” It was obvious that you were trying to hold back from crying because, like any normal person, you were terrified of dying, as you should be. This is why you don’t just run around the Devildom making deals with any random demon. Hell, you could have gone to one of them and asked, and they would have told you that what you were asking for is impossible. “No. I’ve already thought of that. It would spark issues, and our Lord wouldn’t want those kinds of issues to fall on his shoulders. Taking a deal away from a demon for one measly human, no offense… it would piss a whole lot of them off. I’m sorry.” He pushed himself up and away from his desk, walking around it to stand in front of you, grabbing your hands and pulling you up so he can look down at you. “Satan needs you right now… You should go be with him.” 

Satan… he did need you. He needed you more than anything, not just right now, but always. You helped him, more than he’d like to admit, more than he’d ever admit. Whenever he was around you he felt like he had better control of himself, he felt like he could actually be happy. With you, he even questioned whether his Avatar should be wrath, because you washed away any ounce of anger he had in his body, or at least, you made him forget about it for the time being. Satan… who, when you finally entered his room again, was curled in on himself, apparently finally having broken down and fallen asleep while he was crying. He hadn’t even lost you not, not completely, but the feeling was there, it was distant at the moment, but it felt like it was growing larger the closer that it came. “Hey… It’s gonna be okay…” Your voice jolted him out of his sleep, his eyes bloodshot as they opened and looked up at you, and while he wanted to be angry at your hopeful statement, he couldn’t even find it in him. Had he used up all of his anger already? No.. that couldn’t be it. No.. it was just that… the only thing you could be was hopeful, just as he was. Hopeful that there would be some way to sort this all out, to make it seem like it never happened. There had to be a miracle. God might not be on their side, but you were still human, he had to be looking out for you, right? “Yeah… it’s all gonna be okay…” He hated lying to you, at least, it felt like he was lying, because in the moment, he wasn’t exactly sure that anything would be okay, and nothing would be “okay” if you actually died. So, just like you, he was holding onto what tiny thread of hope you both had left. It’s all he could do, it’s all any of you could do. 

He pulled you down onto his bed with him, holding you close against his chest, and although he, for once, didn’t have anything to say… he hoped that his actions spoke for him. It wouldn’t be fair to tell you that he loved you now, you probably wouldn’t believe him if he did. You would tell him that he was just speaking out of fear, and while you would probably be right in the fact that he was saying it in that moment because he was scared, it wouldn’t mean that the feelings weren’t true. So he held you, tighter than he’d ever held anyone else, tighter than he had ever held you before. Maybe if he kept you close, nobody would be able to get to you… maybe… 

“My Lord… I need you to get Barbatos to do something for me… for all of us… please.” Lucifer mumbled into the phone line. It was a last ditch effort, one that he hoped would work, because if it didn’t, he’d have to go higher… way higher. It was the only way, not just to protect you, but to protect Satan, to protect all of them from feeling that kind of pain again.

[maadorii]

you’re gonna wanna be my best friend— y. itadori x gn! reader

max.note’s: this is my child, my baby and i love it. probably my favorite fic i’ve ever wrote uwu i think the ending is bit rushed but that’s i was writing this at 4am (i’m also trying out a new layout-ish so yea) 

synopsis—where you and Itadori came up with the greatest, yet stupidest idea in your lives: getting married to lower your tuition cost. what could go wrong? well, there’s getting caught by the government, and then there’s potentially falling in love with your best friend. 

warning/tags: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, characters aged up (18+), high school/college au, modern au, fluff & crack, megumi is the only one with a working brain cell 

w. count— 3.1k

“yuuji, what’re we gonna do!?” you exclaimed, pacing around the open space of said boy’s bedroom. itadori groaned loudly from his spot on his bed, tugging at the skin underneath his eyes with him. 

looking down at the bright, bold red letters of the opened email on your phone screen, you internally cried to yourself, because… fuck. this is what all the hard work all four-years of high school led up to?

25, 580 dollars worth tuition left to pay, out of pocket. 

“i don’t fucking know. ...wait, do you think megumi would have an answer?” he perked up at his own, and quite frankly, idiotic idea like an excited puppy. if you squint you can see a tail wagging behind him. turning around to look at the pink headed boy, you practically leaped across the room to slap him repeatedly upside his head. 

“ow– hey... ouch! what the fuck?!” itadori whined, lifting his arms up to shield himself way from your merciless assault. “yuuji, are you dumb? we cannot, for the love of god, ask megumi. he’ll probably tell us to apply for a loan or something.” you snapped. 

“we’ll do that then, it can’t be that hard.” 

“have you seen your credit? there’s no way we're getting approved for a loan.” you exasperated as you folded your arms across your chest, plopping yourself down next to itadori. and the both of you were left to sit in condemning silence that laid itself like a thick, winter blanket over you. itadori could’ve sworn he heard the gears turning in your head because of the stark silence. 

you suddenly gasped, jumping to your feet. it was almost like a lightbulb went off on the top of your head. itadori gaped at you as your eyes lit up like stars, turning to him, it was your ‘aha’ moment. the biggest smile he’s ever seen on your face. he couldn’t help the tinge of nervousness settle in the pit of his tummy, probably for good reason.  

“here me out– what if we got married?” 

-

you and itadori meet in the lunchroom on the first day of school your freshman year of high school.

to say you meet by pure coincidence is actually a perfect explanation to describe what really went down. you remember how you sat alone at the lunch table, scrolling through your phone on social media when all of a sudden a rather energetic boy with pink hair crashed into your table. face planted in your bowl of greek yogurt. and it was the fancy kind too. 

the cafeteria around you erupted in laughter at the... spontaneous display happening before you. and although you wanted to laugh (in all honesty, it was funny), the boy below hasn’t moved an inch. truthfully, you were worried. 

“hey, um, are you okay?” you asked, nudging the top of his head. itadori didn’t show any sign of getting up. you nudged him a little harder, shaking his shoulder. with a gurgled grunt, itadori lifted his head from the bowl and the first thing that caught your eye was the crimson colored blood smeared along the stark white of the yogurt. there was a delirious look in his eye as if he wasn’t completely there in the real world. the laughter has long since died down, only a few strangers coming up to the table to record the aftermath. 

when itadori came to, he peered up at you through his yogurt clumped eyelashes and he felt his heart tighten considerably in his chest. 

“you okay? you’re... bleeding, a lot.” you asked again, gesturing to the entirety of his face. he didn’t say anything as he wiped around his nose, seeing the blood covered dairy. he looked mortified, now catching onto the stares and cameras by nosy teenagers being shoved in his face. reacting quickly, you reached out to one his unoccupied hand, gently guiding him in the direction of the nurses office. your footsteps echoed as you walked down the empty hallway, itadori following close behind you. neither of you said anything during the trip, nor when you entered the nurse’s office. it wasn’t until you had a warm wash rag against itadori’s cheek, wiping away the food and blood mixture, that he finally said something. 

“i’m... sorry, for ruining your lunch...” you stopped in your tracks, left to ponder in your thoughts. he’s sitting here with a busted lip and a shattered dignity... and he’s apologizing for face planting in your yogurt?

“hey, you have bigger things to worry about. so, what’s your name?” you continued to wipe at his face, waiting for him to reply.

“yuuji itadori.” and you saw the slightest glimpse of a smile tugging at the corner of his rosy lips. you returned the smile, teeth showing. 

from then on, you two were joined at the hip. there wasn’t anything you didn’t do together. 

there was something about itadori that brought out the inner child in you. he was sweet, loyal and compassionate. he was a lamp to a moth– hard to resist. hard to ignore. he was your first taste of an easy going life, being able to enjoy being a kid. 

on the other hand, you were the foundation he needed. you were open minded, authentic and grounded. you were the first thing in itadori’s life that felt stable. obtainable. your ambition turned into his drive; he wanted to be by your side for as long as possible. 

you both were something– somebody, each other needed the most. it’s like what they say: the best people in your life come when you need them the most. 

-

“are you two dumb or something? now, i expect this kinda thing from yuuji, but not you.”megumi quipped, left eyebrow arched in concern as he gestured towards your direction with his pencil. nobara in a similar state next to him, working on the worksheet the teacher handed out earlier. it was currently mid-way through the school day, you, itadori, megumi and nobara sat at your assigned table in statistics. it’s been about a week since your discussion with itadori about your... rather brilliant idea. 

“well, that’s harsh.” itadori grumbled, flipping him off. megumi snorted as he returned the gesture. “okay, now listen! they’re explaining the thingy.” 

you cleared your throat, sitting up straight to try to make yourself look dignified. “when applying for financial aid, if you’re married, we’ll be considered an independent on the document. meaning? more money!” 

“okay, well that’s great and all but, you do know you’ll be responsible for each other legally? as in, medical and money expenses. what would you do if either one of you dies? ” megumi questioned. you chuckled, wrapping your arm around itadori’s neck. “i’ve been legally responsible for him since freshman year, what’ll be the difference?” 

megumi rolled his eyes, burying his head in his hands. “god, you’re both so helpless.” 

“you know what megumi? i hope both sides of your pillow are warm when you go to sleep tonight.” itadori gasped in shock, hand reaching up to grip the cotton fabric of the shirt he was wearing. nobara snickered behind her hand to which megumi prompted to shift in her direction, whispering something along the lines of “don’t encourage them!”

“(y/n)! you did not just say that!?”

“i sure as hell did. and i’ll say it again!” you snapped your fingers, jutting out your hip. “and they’ll say it again!” itadori said, copying your actions.

megumi and nobara only watched in pity as the two of you continued to embarrass yourself in the middle of the classroom, other classmates turning to catch a peak of the commotion.

“wait, i got one, i got one! ahem, i hope you pour yourself a nice, big bowl of cereal of— what do you eat? apple jacks? only for there to be no milk!” 

you sputtered out a laugh, pounding your fist on the table. itadori was loud with laughter as well, body slung over the back of the chair.

megumi sighed, picking up his pencil to erase a mistake he spotted on his paper. he watched as the eraser smudged the lead on the paper instead of actually erasing it. watching the scene unfold before you, wheezing out another laugh, and clutching on to your stomach for relief. 

“shut the fuck up, the both of you.”

-

graduation was only a month away. 

teachers were cramming review lessons left and right. completing any last minute work to turn in. senior activities, trips, prom, and getting ready for what was to be the biggest day of your life. where all your hard work and putting up with the shitty ass public school system for 13 years will finally pay off. 

at least that’s how they make it seem. 

itadori was currently sitting in megumi’s living room, sprawled out on the floor like a starfish. his political science textbook laid open next to him. he’s been unusually quiet this afternoon, megumi noted when he would glance up from his own textbook in his lap.

“hey, yuuji? something the matter?”

itadori didn’t respond right away, instead, he shifted himself closer to megumi to lay his head on the other boy's lap. caught surprised by his actions, megumi tried to shove his head off but itadori being the stubborn man he was wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“god, you’re so annoying—“

“then why are you still friends with me?” his words were quick and sharp like a kitchen knife. and megumi had to take a second to pause. “is this what this is about?” itadori still hasn’t said anything, his body curling in on itself. eventually, he shook his head no. 

“alright... then what’s wrong?” 

megumi watched as itadori twiddled with fingers, reluctant to share his feelings with the other male. you see, the thing is that although megumi and itadori have been friends since middle school, they found it hard to share each other's feelings. especially megumi. they’ve always been the “i don’t know how to talk about my feelings so let me enjoy your company for a while?” type of friends. except for that one time. 

“it’s just... i’m not so sure if i want to marry (y/n) anymore...” megumi could barely hear what itadori said, but he caught it. and color him surprised. “have you finally come to senses that it’s a stupid idea?” 

“no, it’s not that–” megumi sighed internally, “–it’s just, what if our relationship changes after it’s finalized? we planned to do it after graduation a-and– it’s just a really scary thing to think about.” itadori’s voice began to warble, and megumi could feel his body tremble as the boy beneath tried to hold in his tears. 

in all the years they’ve known each other, itadori has only cried once in front of him. and that was the night of his 16th birthday. because itadori didn’t come from the best home, and at the time, only megumi knew of such disclosed information. 

“they said it themselves, you guys have always taken care of each other. so why do you think it’ll change things?” he gently tried to coax itadori into calming down, his hand stroking the soft tufts of his hair. thumb caressing his buzzcut. itadori sniffed, and megumi can hear the disgusting sound of snot being sucked back in his nostrils, but he refrained himself from reacting. 

“b-because, i just don’t want my feelings to get in the way, ya’ know? this is simply supposed to be platonic, but it isn’t anymore. at least for me.” 

and right then and there, megumi’s suspicions were confirmed. itadori did have feelings for you. more than what a best friend should have. “your feelings? and what might these feelings be, yuuji?” 

“that i want to spend a very long time with them, by their side. but not as their best friend. something more than that.” he let out a shuddered  exhale, and the room was engulfed with silence. megumi took this time to process what itadori said, the last four words resonating in his mind. 

something more than that.

megumi shifted itadori’s body off his, moving to sit up on his own. and that’s when he saw his face for the first time; his red-brimmed eyes and how the tears clumped his willowy eyelashes together. the tremble in his lips because, damn, he’s trying so hard to hold it in. 

he didn’t have anything to say– there wasn’t much to say to begin with, but megumi wrapped his arms around itadori in a hug. he felt him relax against his body, taking in the cool scent of his sweater. 

“it’s okay to be scared, yuuji, but i believe... you’re smart enough to make the right decision.” 

 - 

standing underneath the blazing summer heat, you stood in front of the court house waiting for itadori to show up. today was supposed to be the day, where you and itadori were to be married. it’s been thirty minutes and no itadori in sight. which is unlike him considering that he is, surprisingly, very punctual. he hasn’t even responded to any of your texts or calls, which also isn’t very much like him.

but those thirty minutes turned into an hour, that soon turned into two hours. 

and to say you were angry, was a complete understatement. you were livid. and that’s how you found yourself banging on itadori’s front door, ignoring the stares of the noisy next door neighbor peeping through their window. 

“yuuji! open the fucking door! i know your ass is in there, i can see your minecraft lamp turned on from your window.” you shouted, breathing heavily through your nose. there wasn’t an immediate response, only dead silence, which prompted you to raise your fist to go another round of beating up the door until the faint sound of footsteps reached the door. opening with a creak. 

there stood the man of the hour, yuuji ita- fucking- dori.

“there you are! dude, what the hell happened? why didn’t you show up at the courthouse today? did you forget or...” you were quick to jump the gun, bombarding him with questions left and right. 

“no... i didn’t forget.” was his reply, eye downcast to look at his sock clad feet. anywhere but your face right now. 

“then what yuuji? what could’ve been so important that you decided to just forget?” you flayed your arms around like a mad man, the anger rolling off your body in waves. you knew that you weren’t necessarily being fair to him right now, you can tell by his stand-offish attitude since opening the door. but you couldn’t bring yourself to care at the moment. 

itadori was reluctant to answer, his legs wobbly with the anxiety running rampant in his system. he was tempted to say sorry and be done with this, but then he remembered megumi’s words.    

...you’re smart enough to make the right decision. 

“because... because this isn’t a good idea anymore.” now you’re more confused than angry. 

“what do you mean this isn’t a good idea anymore,” you asked, placing your hand on your hip. “that's not what you said 4 months ago.” 

itadori sighed, starting to feel the twinge of annoyance in the tips of his fingers. he was starting to regret his choice of words. “i know what i said 4 months ago. but now 4 months later, i’ve changed my mind.” 

you wanted to laugh, but you couldn’t muster a bubble of it in your system. was he for real right now? 

“oh really? and why do you say that?” 

“it’ll change everything.” the reply was short. straight to the point. 

“what? no, it won’t! don’t be silly, we’ll still be best friends!” you try to muse, but itadori wasn’t budging. his face was disdained, detached from the world. the answer was sitting on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t ready to say it. especially in front of you. 

taking in his physique, your mind started to slow. you didn’t want to go there but you couldn’t help it. it was only natural, right? 

he’s been off putting since the graduation ceremony two weeks ago. he was so bright and happy that day, shoving his diploma in megumi’s face a numerous number of times. you remember the scream he let out when your name was called to walk across the stage of the arena. how embarrassed you felt as you did so, but a twinge of giddy happiness filled your chest. because he was calling out your name. your heart always did leap with joy when his attention was on you, and only you. the way he had you wrapped around his finger, without him even knowing. it takes you back to when you two first met, how you were so captivated by his amber eyes. the sudden urge to be there. to always be there and to be more. 

so... “do you not like me anymore? is this what this is about now?” it came out a whispered, and itadori was shocked nonetheless. now what were you talking about? 

“what, no! of course i still like you!” you almost laughed at how quickly he responded.

“then why? why did you–”

“i just didn’t want to make things awkward between us! i didn’t want to ruin our friendship with my... stupid feelings.” glancing up, you can see the slightest tint of pink on the roundness of his cheeks. awkward? ruin? 

you took a step forward, your hand reaching to hold his. kindly, thumbing his knuckles with your thumb. the way he always liked it. 

“yuuji, your feelings are never stupid. i’m your best friend–” with a frustrated huff, itadori ripped his hand away from yours. 

“but that’s the thing though! best friend this and best friend that– what if i don’t want to be your best friend anymore, hm? what if–” make the right decision, “what if i want to be more than that?”

more than that?

“you want to be more than friends? is what you’re saying.” itadori can almost feel himself shit his pants. 

that giddy feeling that always erupted whenever you were around him expanded ten fold. you’ll be damned: your best friend of four and a half years, was in love with you. the smile that you struggled to fight bloomed with mirth on your face. and itadori followed suit, reaching out to hold your hand once more.

not much needed to be said, the smile on your face was enough for him to put it all together. for once, he was actually smart enough to make a decision. a good one at that. 

copyright © 2021 maadorii. all rights reserved. 

[theloveclub-18]

She’s just a friend

summary: you and Ransom decided to try that friends with benefits thing

pairing: Ransom Drysdale x reader

word count: 1947

warnings: explicit language, mentions of sex, but no actual smut, little angst

A/n: please do not copy, rewrite, translate or post my work anywhere. No permission given to copy, translate, rewrite or post my work. 

———————————————————————

It was 3:15 a.m. when you opened your eyes. Ransom was lying next to you with his arm around you waist. You took a deep breath and tried to put out of his embrace, but he only held you closer. You should’ve not stay through the night and leave by the end of your fourth and last round.

Yeah, sex with Hugh Ransom was good, even more it was absolutely fantastic. You always thought about how maybe he ruined you for other partners. This man was so ridiculously good in it. What you also thought about was how maybe you should’ve known better and never agree for that friends with benefits thing. In your defense you really needed an emotional discharging and he’s always lookin’ so fucking sexy, so you just gave up, when he so casually asked you about it after a couple glasses of whiskey few months ago.

But now god knows how much you regret it because you fell and fell hard for that “asshole”. Well, actually he’s not that bad it’s more about how he wants other to see him. And they do. They all believe in it, his image of arrogant cold hearted jerk. Ransom is a jerk in fact, but sometimes you see things that others don’t. You see a broken boy who tries to cover his vulnerabilities by venom observations and jackass demeanor.

Of course you tried to talk to him about it, talk about what he went through, but it usually never worked out. Though one time after another family event you saw something in his eyes, a speck of sorrow and you let yourself to hope that this is the moment when he’d finally open up. It also was the moment when you knew how much you loved him.

But as soon as this thought slipped through your head, Ransom changed in face, as if he read your mind and he didn’t like what he saw. He stand out from the nice and warm bed and headed for the kitchen saying you should probably go home. He didn’t come back to the bedroom and soon you left his apartment with tears on your face.

You had nothing to blame him for. It was pretty clear from the start that he didn’t want anything serious from you or from anyone else. Ransom said he didn’t believe in such things like love and relationships but good fuck was something he believed very much.

So were you. At least for the first couple of months.

But then you did the stupidest thing you could ever do...you let yourself hope for more. You’ve started to notice his lovely glances from across the room and the way he always try to hold you whenever other guys where approaching you like he was marking you as his. How he was laughing at your stupid jokes and watched your favorite sitcoms with you.

It was three weeks later when you came to the local bar with your coworkers to relax on friday night after a hard week and spotted him flirting with some pretty girl at the table. You remembered her, she was the girl who takes care of his grandfather. Ransom was in white sweater that you gave him this christmas and the girl in cute little dress, well, she was really gorgeous one with big puppy eyes and the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen. You knew you can’t compete.

He didn’t even notice you there and even if he did what’s the matter. He’d probably just say hello and walk away. You tried to calm yourself down and stop being so jealous, because you have no rights for it, but still it was breaking your heart.

The next day when you came to his apartment to take some of your things, you heard something you wish you’d never heard.Ransom was talking on phone when you walked in.

-“Yeah, man, you know she’s just a friend to me...yeah, I know-I know but hey you know i’ll never settle down for anyone...ahahahah...yes, even for Megan Fox”-Ransom laughed and you left as fast as you can.

And you were just a friend indeed and nothing more. You felt like you was the biggest fool on earth for believing that you really had a chance with someone like him.

You crying all way home and when you finally get there, you thought about how you going to end everything with goddamn Ransom, because of how much pain it caused you too be so close with him yet so far.

However now you laying in bed with the same man that you promised you’d never sleep again with, while he’s holding you close to his chest. Yeah, sometimes things doesn’t work the way you want them to.

You look at his peaceful beautiful face and wonder how would it feel to be loved by this man. To spend your life by his side.

“Well”- you think to yourself - “I guess we’ll never know”. And with that you slowly remove the blanket and get up from the bed careful enough to not wake Ransom up.

You stand a little bit too long in front of the front door and hesitate to leave, cause you know that this was probably the last night with him. When you get in the car you finally feel how hot your tears are and how heavy is this weight of unrequited love on your chest.

~

Days go by and you slowly started to live without him. You told your roommate Sarah never let him in again and blocked his number. You thought that maybe you doing something wrong and maybe you should’ve been happy with what you had. But then again you remembered that you’d never be more than a fuck buddy to him and he made himself pretty clear saying this to some of his friends just a couple of days ago.

“It’s time to move on”-you were thinking as you walked into some fancy restaurant for set up date that was arranged by Sarah. She said he’s very sweet and a doctor, so why don’t try it? Maybe this guy Mark is all you’ve dreamed for?

The guy is the complete opposite of Ransom. He’s not that tall, but very nice and lovely. He also have a pretty blonde curls and dark brown eyes that mean nothing to you, cause they’re not as deep as Ransom’s. You really try to enjoy the date, but all you can think about is how the man in front of you is not Ransom.

-“So what’s the guy’s name?”-Mark said.

-“What do you mean?”-you said with confused look-“What guy?”

-“The one you want to see on this chair instead of me”- he said with weak smile and understanding look- “Sarah told me about you wanting to move on and forget about «the jerk», but now i see you everything but ready to move on, so please tell me about it and maybe i’ll can help”

You gasped and thought about how your friend didn’t lie about Mark being kind and maybe a little too much kind to you.

-“Listen, I don’t think it’s a good idea to discuss it right know, cause...”- you started, but get interrupted by Mark.

-“No, Y/N, I obviously can see that you not mentally here right now and that’s okay, it took me a long time to recover from my previous relationship too so i don’t wanna push you into something, you know. We can just have dinner like a good old friends and talk about our ex’s”-he smiled-“So feel free to start”

-“Okay”-you said still trying to proceed what he just said-“Well, i don’t wanna say his name and he wasn’t even my boyfriend. We just had sex with no strings attached”

-“But you get attached?”-he asked with a sad smile.

-“Yeah, and now i’m fucked”-you replied.

-“What did he say ‘bout your feelings?”-Mark asked as he sipped his wine.

-“Oh, no. I didn’t tell him about my feelings”-you said with sad eyes and tired smile-“I didn’t lost my mind completely to say to Ransom Drysdale that i love him with my whole heart and probably will never be able to not”

-“You love me?”-you heard a familiar voice behind you back and wished you could’ve just disappear.

-“I think I should go”-Mark said and hurried for the exit with a small smirk.

When you turn around you saw Ransom.

He looked worse than the last time you saw him. He looked tired and his beautiful blue eyes were full of so many things, that it confused you so much that you didn't know what to say.

-”Please, Y/N, tell me”-he said-“You love me?”-he looked so broken inside and desperate for my answer.

-“I...”-you hesitated for moment, but then decided to risk it all-“Of course i love you, Ransom, how can i not?”

-“Then why you left me?”-he said with pain in his eyes-“Left me in a middle of the night? Left me when i thought you are the one who’ll never do that.”

-“Because you didn’t”-you said with a small whimper feeling the weight on your chest again-“You didn’t loved me”

-“I did”- he said and finally you saw how red his eyes were-“And i do now”

-“Then why you didn’t tell me that? How was i supposed to know that when you started to close off every time i tried to bring something about feelings up?”-you said with a bitter feeling on you tongue.

“It was hard for me, okay? I’ve never told this to anyone before”-he said as his cheeks grew red-“Even to my mom when i was a child. I didn’t have a family when you can easily say such words”-Ransom took a deep breath before he could continue-“And then i met you and i liked you obviously. You became the light of my life. All those years I was living in a blur and never truly seeing things the way they where. I was a fool, because every time i was so afraid to ruin what we had, i wasn’t sure that you could ever feel the same. Y/N, i’m not a good guy and i’ve done a lot of bad things, but you were the only right thing in my life and i was afraid to admit it..”

You didn’t let him finish as you land your lips over his in a most gentle kiss you’ve ever had. You felt him smiling through the kiss as he was grabbing you closer and pulling you into another and more intimate kiss.

-“Is that mean i have a second chance?”-he said with a hopeful smile between the kisses.

-“No”-you said furrowing your brows only to meet his confused gaze-“Just kidding, of course you have, i don’t wanna lose you again”-you chuckled as you put your arms on his chest and looked into his ocean eyes, thinking that maybe you are the lucky one and you will be able to find out what it is like to be loved by Ransom Drysdale.