#stupid emotional bullshit
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the other day at work i saw someone with platform uggs. just thought you might enjoy that
Thats it. Thats the comic. Im using that horror movie technique where its scarier if you don't see the monster.
anyways this is such a throwback. you always send me the shit that somehow makes me laugh, I am remembering a specific one that I swear was ten years ago. anyways
#posting bullshit like this is always a leap of faith#i draw this stuff and think this time its too stupid#but if i cant be my true stupid self on my own stupid fandom tumblr then really what is there for me#ladybugg#I opened that tag to put it in this post and forgot i drew SO MUCH stuff about it#god the stupider an AU is the more fucking nuts i go with the content#any time i have an emotional AU you guys get like 2 pieces of content at most. I keep all the juicy shit in my head.#but if I think about them wearing uggs? you get a nonstop barrage#my art
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One of my favorite parts of phase 2 (and indeed one of the few moments I resonated with IDW Prowl) was when the neutrals were coming back to Cybertron and Prowl said that he refused to let Autobots be pushed aside and overruled after they were the ones who fought for freedom for 4 million years (the exact wording escapes me atm).
And I mean, that resentment still holds true even once the colonists come on bc like. As much as it's true that Cybertron's culture is fucked up, and as funny as it can be to paint Cybertronians as a bunch of weirdos who consider trying to kill someone as a common greeting not important enough to hold a grudge over.... The colonists POV kind of pissed me off a lot of times, as did the narrative tone/implications that Cybertronians are forever warlike and doomed to die by their own hands bc it just strikes me as an extremely judgemental and unsympathetic way to deal with a huge group of people with massive war PTSD and political/social tensions that were rampant even before the war?
Like, imagine living in a society rife with bigotry and discrimination where you get locked into certain occupations and social strata based on how you were born. The political tension is so bad there's a string of assassinations of politicians and leaders. The whole planet erupts into an outright war that leads (even unintentionally) to famine and chemical/biological warfare that destroys your planet. Both sides of the war are so entrenched in their pre-war sides and resentment for each other that this war lasts 4 million years and you don't even have a home planet any more. Then your home planet gets restored and a bunch of sheltered fucks come home and go "ewww why are you so violent?? You're a bunch of freaks just go live in the wilderness so that our home can belong to The Pure People Who Weren't Stupid And Evil Enough To Be Trapped In War" and then a bunch of colonists from places that know nothing about your history go "lol you people are so weird?? 🤣🤣 I don't get why y'all are fighting can't you just like, stop??? Oh okay you people are just fucked up and evil and stupid then" ((their planets are based on colonialism where their Primes wiped out the native populations btw whereas the Autobots and OP in particular fought to save organics. But that never gets brought up as a point in their favor)) as if the damage of a lifetime of war and a society that was broken even before the war can just magically go away now that the war is over.
Prowl fucking sucks but he was basically the only person that pointed out the injustice of that.
And then from then on out most of the characters from other colonies like Caminus and wherever else are going "i fucking hate you and your conflicts" w/ people like literal-nobody Slide and various Camiens getting to just sit there lecturing Optimus about how Cybertronians are too violent for their own good and how their conflicts are stupid, with only brief sympathetic moments where the Cybertronians get to be recognized as their own ppl who deserve sympathy before going right back to being lambasted.
Like I literally struggled to enjoy the story at multiple points because there was only so much I could take of the characters I knew and loved being raked over coals constantly while barely getting to defend themselves or be defended by the narrative so like. It was just fucking depressing and a little infuriating to read exRID/OP
#squiggposting#and like dont get me wrong barber wasnt trying to make cybertronians the bad guys or whatever#it's just a problem with his writing where like. he has A Message he wants to send#and so he uses the entire story literally just for The Message even if it involves bullshit plotlines#or familiar characters ppl were reading about for the past decade being shit on by OCs made up to fill a new roster#like barber's writing tends to lean way too much on a sort of lecturing tone#without giving proper care towards including moments where characters get to like. fucking express themselves and share their side#sort of like how barber couldnt be bothered to write pyra magna and optimus actually talking to each other during exrid#and instead during OP ongoing pyra is suddenly screaming about how OP is unteachable#even tho she never even tried to teach him bc she and OP never interacted bc i guess barber couldnt be bothered#he just needed someone to lecture OP so fuck making the story make sense or like letting OP get to say anything in defense#this is the infuriating part of barber's writing bc i think he has incredible IDEAS and was in charge of the lore i was most interested in#but most of the time his execution sucks and he's basically just mid with a few brilliant moments occasionally#or like he has a message about the cycle of violence he wants to convey#but his narrative choices trying to convey that theme made his story come off as super unsympathetic to the ppl who suffered#to the point where barber actively kneecapped some scenes that couldve been super fucking intense and emotional#in favor of the characters lecturing each other or some stupid plot to criticize OP#that time in unicron where windblade screamed about how this is their fault and then arcee replied that her planet is build on coloniation#shouldve happened more often than literally the last series of the ocntinuity. like goddamn stfu about your moral superiority#when your own sins are right fhere lol
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watching a video abt queer comic characters 😁😁 they start talking abt how tim and kon should’ve ended up together 😞😞
#like yes we get it td:r wasn’t great and yeah holy fuck my boy bernard is getting the female love interest treatment#but shitting on it and not giving it a chance isn’t gonna make it better and before we know it tim’s gonna get shoved back into the closet#idk it makes me angry#dc let me write a comic w bernard it would make a 20 billion dollars (actually it’d suck)#ok but genuinely I think the best idea of kinda reintroducing bernard might be a movie#like hear me out but live action tim drake movie w marina trio in mcu spiderman movie style#the crucial part it isn’t too serious but it does have a few of those emotional moments yk#but if you were to ask me what my real dreams were it’d be a kinda role reversal#but in a stupid way (tim got sick or like broke leg) so bernard silently tries to take over by being cowl version red robin#lowkey slice of life crack shit#anyways I went completely off topic mb y’all#bullshitting
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the only panel i want of keigo is him 1. leaving therapy 2. creating some sort of social media account to capitalize on his soon to be waning fan so he can earn coin by manpulating people, as is right
#i believe in ZERO EMOTIONAL GROWTH#not really but I just want hawks to sell people stupid bullshit on instagram#hawks begins hawking vitamins to his followers neglecting to explain he's now on antipsychs and they have indeed changed his life
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Thinking about current continuity Vanessa and just getting pissed off again
Like one, LET HER REST oh my god dc you ruin her FUCKING life like an asshole only to bring her back as a villain after she finally got out oh my god-
But also like its just so bad. This is a whole other woman with her name like why are we doing this. Like first you kill her mom (JULIA NOOO) and erase her YEARS of history growing up around diana (the thing that actually made her villain turn [if you can call it that w the level of manipulation involved] interesting and fucking heartbreaking) for some shitty "oh I saved you we were friends" run of the mill whatever. Then to use that and say Nessie had a crush on her OWN SISTER (Diana, so like informally adopted, but still 😡) now????
And then they took away her curls and made her a redhead but not even the realistic kind. DC SHE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT
It just makes me so mad. Freaking guys. They could have used another name like oh my god. She's not even the first silver swan why the fuck would they do that if they're not going to explore her history w diana (which she no longer has!!!!) or how intensely fucked up everything got for her. What is even the fucking point of this then other to drag a main character of the ww supporting cast through the mud again for genuinely no reason. They could have easily had her be Valerie Beaudry (sorry Val) instead or just MADE UP ANOTHER NAME because it's obvious that no one actually cared about her as a character they just wanted the wondy villain back so like !!!!!!!!!! Why even bother
#her entire treatment just makes me so angry#like in general it makes me mad and sad and a million other emotions#but the fucking robinson version just makes me enraged. beyond pissed off. because theres no fucking reason for it its bullshit and its the#one in current continuity right now. so i get to see tom king ww panels put on my dash that have this stupid fake vanessa and its so#infuriating. like thats NOT her!!!!!!! oh my freaking god people#her hair is BROWN and CURLY and shes dianas BABY SISTER who she lived with for YEARS like she was a MAJOR supporting ww character for the#longest time. like shes got about 100 appearances (just checked) preboot this is not a minor character#so freaking frustrating#blah#ALSO. FUCKING ALSO. THE FACT THAT THE WHOLE CURRENT VANESSA TURNED EVIL BC SHE REALIZED SHE WASNT SPECIAL TO DIANA BS. FUCK YOU THERE LIKE#OH MY GODDDDD “isnt special to diana” im going to fucking kill you. what do you mean she doesnt care about her specially. thats her FUCKING#BABY SISTER. not to sound like vanessa herself a la silver swan but those clowns at dc would never say that shit about cassie oh my god#not special my FUCKING ass. nessie and her mom were literally the first people invited to themyscira in post coie continuity#like yes diana trevor and steve trevor and even baby julia kapetelis washing ashore but like the kapetelises (and you could even say just#nessie bc again her mom had been there before) were the FIRST ones invited there like you cannot say diana didnt care about them more than#the average joe dc i fucking despise you.#this girl has been through so much why is dc incapable of throwing her a bone ever. nessie i am so sorry they did that to you sweetie.#gonna tag it bc her tag deserves the traffic#vanessa kapatelis#just makes me so mad#doing all that to the normal teen girl character in a wonder woman comic is so fucked actually like dc comics i should not have to explain#that to you. what message do you think you are sending here be serious
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tfw youre trying to reconsile with your estranged '''''twin''''''' after months of avoiding each other (their fault)(they were a dick to you)(and shot you) but they just cant stop making it weird & about how theyre a terrible person
i think these twos relationship is very interesting. at the begenning buddy treated kuro like shit bc they were projecting their self-hate and guilt on him, also exasparated by them being technically twins. later kuro moved out bc of that and the two of them didnt see each other again for months.
when they met again buddy apologised but they didnt really form any deep relationship. they are both uncomfortable with each others presence due to how their relationship started & the imposed familial status that neither of them feels good about.
buddy feels guilty for how they treated kuro, they are also aware that this is just another failure in a long line of their failures. they know they fucked up, theyre used to that feeling at this point, and they simply accept that fact. theyre sorta weirdly apathetic about the whole thing when meeting kuro again - they made peace with what theyve done wrong and are just trying to do damage control atp.
basically they said 'i know what i did to you was fucked up and im sorry. i have a history of fucking things up and i did it again. im trying to be better and i fail time and time again but i will try again anyway, even if theres a huge possibility ill just mess up again. im trying to set things right and ill disappear from your life if thats what you want. you dont have to forgive me or like me. im sorry' (<-also notice how this apology is still sorta centered around how bad of a person bud is and not what they put kuro through. buds self-loathing is still shining through here even as they are trying to set things straight. in their effort to try and explain their thought process they accidentally focused on the wrong thing!!!! they dont really mean it that way but to kuro thats what it comes off as)
kuro used to hate or at least heavily dislike bud for a long time and thinks theyre a self centered asshole and also just plainly annoying. even the apology he got from them after months of radio silence on both ends didnt feel like enough to him. it felt like buddy was just using the apology as an opportunity to say 'im a bad person. sorry for that lol it will propably happen again, do with this info what you will'. it pisses him off a bit and he propably yells at buddy for it, who is very apologetic and just takes it, which just pisses kuro even more bc he WANTS a confrontation, hes angry and hurt and is airing out his frustrations at bud and he wants a reaction but he gets none. buddy knows very well what they did and are treating this as a sort of righteus punishment
so overall. i think their relationship is just kinda like this for a few years - long periods of avoiding each other interspersed with a few outbursts (sometimes kuro starts and sometimes bud does). after a few more years i feel like things might start being better, but thats only bc they both gradually grow as people sepeartely, which just has the side effect of making them both more chill. maaaaybe after a decade or two the animosity stops and they become friendly with each other but i dont rlly think they ever get to Twin Level Closeness. at that point both of them have their own fullfilling lives and are fine with things as they are
...or maybe not. idk man im still working shit out so this might all change and in a few months this whole rant will be ooc and innacurate, who knows! i certainly dont
(Also the doodle at the top isn't meant to portray The Apology itself, its just a little scene i thought was neat, dunno where exactly it (or if it even) falls on Da Timeline)
#my art#my funky guys#dunno why im posting this lol#come to think of it this might be the first time ive posted a kuro drawing here? lmao#here he is! in all of his glory#also for some reason bud came out rlly scrawny here lol. whoops!#these two are just so fun to think about#like idk kuro is a guy with a lot of big complicated emotions that he has a hard time holding in and bud is a guy whos full of guilt and#self hate and that makes them act stupidly a lot of the time. theyre very critical of themself and unfortunately for kuro#he reminds them of themself A Lot so he had to deal with buds bullshit and did NOT like it#to bud its okay if theyre harsh on themselves bc theyre a Bad Person. thats all fine and dandy until they meet aguy that looks and#(SEEMINGLY) acts a lot like their younger(<-evil stupid selfish cruel) self. its a match made in hell basically!#in this doodle please imagine them sitting outside at night drinking beer or something
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oh goddamnit this is the last day I gave myself to be a trashfire and I wasted it, I should’ve gotten worse when I had the chance -_-
#my ramblings#I need to go break windows and get arrested#or something#SIGGGHHH no I’ll get gas and groceries#and then I have to work on my stupid fucking *~emotional resilience~* and bullshit *~cognitive restructuring~*#I draw the line at talking about my feelings tho I’m sick of it
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Sweating bullets as my friend encourages me to make decisions that will get me put on a hit list
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it is a good feeling to be finding a space in the online community again after coming up against bullshit. like, I do still feel scrutinised here in the wod scene but... I know there are others out there who actually like my work for me and also how it looks, rather than whatever other shit.
to those who like my shit and like me for my general self here online (autistic, a bit blunt, but ultimately well meaning I think): thank you!
#chatter#legit this shit affects people#petty fandom bullshit goes deeper than simple 'curate your experience' mantras#there are people on the other side of the screen who you wouldn't talk to like that in person I hope#but the anonymity of the keyboard is an emboldening poison#that encourages the most stupid shit#anyway this is me being happy I have good folks#and trying to return to the enjoyment I entered the wod scene here on tumblr with three-ish years ago#despite the petty bullshit from fairly well known artists who should know better#trying to process the emotional issues that autism and what is probably cptsd gives me. it is not easy#i have had a bad fucking time of life and tend to internalise further badness however simple and petty
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Maybe Minecraft is itself a tree that's grown rotten. Or maybe I've simply outgrown it.
(I had a mental breakdown in the tags sorry)
#something something so much of my personal neg experiences w the internet have stemmed from minecraft#maybe its time for this blog to go#maybe i need to cut that game and all its brambly roots out of my life#all the content creators and youtube channels and servers#ive lost close friends. ive been personally betrayed. ive experienced direct racism and misogyny. all bc of this stupid game#and ofc theres all the unnecessary and secondhand hurt from content creators#shitty internet drama. addiction. shipping. fandom discourse. bullshit and more bullshit#all i experience w this game is loss#im being dramatic but i dont fucking care#i dont want to process how much ycgma or sbi meant to me#how much of my emotional healing and outpouring went into them#sleepy boys was my entire world at one point#now i have to rip it out of my psyche root and stem#invested so much time and energy and emotion and for what#personal#to delete#.txt
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#my father is such an entitled fucking asshole with a superiority complex sometimes#its such a small thing now but it just opened up years of repressed rage in me.#motherfucker thinks he can be passive aggressive to me like that. out here making himself feel better at my expense#and yeah of course he can. what the fuck am i gonna do to him#god im just so. fucking livid#after Years of making me feel stupid and inadequate. after i put in So Much Work into redefining my self-worth#but no he can do whatever he wants if i want to pursue academia cause he still supports me financially#and i. ghhh im just so fucking. ill see a glimpse of emotion in him and my empathy is in overdrive#so OF COURSE we have to help him with his stupid ass fucking endeavors to create a foundation or whatever.#OF COURSE i have to support him in his literal Theatrics and support his coming out and whatever. because OF COURSE#i have to support someone who is experiencing difficulty. even if that someone has done unimaginable damage to my entire psyche#(unintentionally but still)#i wish i could just tell him to fuck off and leave me out of whatever fucking bullshit he comes up with next but he thinks#we can bond over queer stuff like I wasnt the first one to come out in this family. like he could bridge over YEARS of emotional neglect no#and besides. he once called the savings my parents had for our college an “investment” that he would “hate to see wasted”#fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you#seriously. i cannot fucking believe we are related.#god. i think im gonna go cry a bit. fuck him and his entire fucking life.#delete later
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Not Every Film I Watch In 2024 2. Goodnight Mister Tom (1998)
#goodnight mister tom#goodnight mister tom (1998)#2024filmgifs#my gifs#my god that was brutal on the emotions#and i loved every bit of it#harrowing and heartwarming#exactly my kind of war film#or at least a film that takes place during a war#the kid was pretty unconvincing in the second half of the film#but he was excellent in the first half#and everyone else was flawless#my stomach actually spasmed at the abuse#never wanted to backhand someone across a room so much#even though they were clearly super mentally ill but still my god#but the healing was wonderful#and the lessons on how to cope with grief were excellent#i loved this so much#you can keep your stupid Dunkirks and Saving Private Ryans#and all that Murrican gung ho bullshit about beating the Nazis#this is the kind of war film i cherish#the struggle and trauma and healing on the home front#i feel like Leslie Howard would have really loved this film#somehow#this would make such a good double feature with Summerland#i should rewatch that soon
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#church#religion#religion is bullshit#dogma#tw abuse#child abuse#emotional abuse#abuse#groomers#groomer#grooming#groom#groomed#biblenonsense#crackpot religions#religion is toxic#religion is a scam#religious#religous trauma#religion is stupid#religion is a mental illness#ausgov#politas#auspol#tasgov#taspol#neoliberal capitalism#australia#fuck neoliberals#anthony albanese
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i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting.
#like... no one is born grinning maliciously with a knife out the womb. no one starts out that way#and anything thats ever tried to portray a character that way at birth has only ever been ironically funny#idk its annoying when people are like ''actually its more interesting that the character doesnt have a motive for killing people''#like. coming off of bullet train rn but even ''this character otherwise has a perfect life but they accidentally killed and now theyre#fascinated with all the ways people can die'' is more interesting than ''idk thats just how they are *shrugs*''#like yes someone can have the perfect upbringing and social life and still turn out to be sadistic but you can still work with that#as opposed to ''they were born evil thats just how they were always gonna be SORRY''#like. idk go into that ''perfect social life and family''. what did that family value? what were the friends like?#what did that person experience outside of those things? what did they consume?#did their social standing actually breed some sort of entitlement to them? do they perhaps freak out if something doesnt go their way?#are they insecure deep down? does that drive them to it? are they a perfectionist? do they assume peoples feelings?#i remember reading this wc fancomic that explained why a character was evil and like her mom died#and the attention from her mothers death made her obsessed with being fawned over so she started medical abuse#and letting her patients die so that people would fawn over her the same way every time#and the op was like ''HEY before you yell at me shes NOT evil bc her mom died ok she was gonna turn out evil no matter what''#like... no no go into the emotional vulnerability implied there. go into the morbid introduction to slow death at a young age#go into the potential desensitization go into that. youre already willing to make her multifauceted and with positive traits#why are you afraid of implying shes even SOMEWHAT sympathetic and just want to say she was gonna do that regardless#and i fault the atmosphere around this stuff most of all like we should never have implied that giving a villain a reason to be evil#was stupid woobifying bullshit that was out of touch with reality#echoed voice
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ADHD intake appointments will have you smiling and laughing and then getting to your car and immediately dropping the mask like an anime antagonist because the anger and frustration that you have to jump through so many hoops and spend so much money and give up some of your lunch breaks and take sick time to go get a cardiac stress test + ekg done and make sure the psychiatrist likes you and thinks you’re trustworthy JUST SO he’ll prescribe you the SAME AMOUNT of medication you’ve been taking for the past 5 YEARS (even though that amount is apparently “approaching his limit” for prescribing despite the fact that it’s 10mg underneath the conservative max and 30 MG underneath the general adult max??) Is fucking miserable
#whatever I’m going to go do chores about it because it’s raining and I don’t want to ruin my earbuds going for a run#maybe I’m doing too much unnecessary emotional work but I hate playing the cheerful trustworthy Good ADHD patient#AND I DIDNT EVEN GET MY GUANFACINE REFILLED. SO I HAVE TO TEXT MY OLD PSYCH AND ASK FOR A FAVOR#stupid. whatever. At least I don’t have to do the bullshit 1 week follow up#personal#adhd
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as a man thing i genuinely hate men and want them dead
#personal#most annoying man ever doesn’t even just not move when ur walking opposite paths#he waits till you pivot one way to give him room and then after seeing you do that pivots the same way to force you to move :) again :)))))#how stupid and inconsiderate is that i’ve moved for you twice bc ur a fuckin idiot#like getting yelled at and followed by a random dude? whatever i’m laughing and taking selfies after#some fucker just. being so so so stupid. i become a misandrist#and no nuance men are just so annoying at all times#and unsafe#like who am i making safety plans for when im alone? it’s not the chicks!!!!!!#and god forbid you ask a man to use an ounce of emotional intelligence#when he could instead tell you how to fix ur problem that you obviously didn’t think of#put you down for having problems in the first place#or get violent bc you made them#feel less than perfect for a second#and women who coddle and further push men’s bullshit we need to talk to#like i don’t know what hispanic mother needs to hear this but ur son is pushing 30#he can box his own meal at a restaurant i fucking hope#and then they are just so god damn annoying bc if you’re not constantly reassuring them#over ANYTHING they’re like i’m bad at this im a bad person you hate me what’s wrong with you#GROW A BACK BONE AND BE OKAY ALONE AT THIS RATE YOU WILL DEFINITELY DIE ALONE!!! GET USED TO IT!!!!!!!!!
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