#stunted empathy verse

[cheshiresense]

[From Here]

Dithered over which pov to write next, figured I’d try Yuzu.

-0-

When Yuzu gets a phone call from Ichigo that they would be having two guests for dinner tonight, she is delighted. In all the years she’s known him, her brother has only ever introduced one person to them as something of a friend. Mizuiro is half a sibling at this point, trusted enough to be around them even when Ichigo isn’t, but before him, and after him, nobody else has ever caught Ichigo’s eye enough to warrant an actual invitation to dine with their family.

“They’re related to ghost stuff,” Ichigo adds bluntly, and Yuzu understands that to mean that these two will at least be tougher than the average yakuza on the street, even if they can’t match up to her brother.

“I understand!” She chirps back cheerfully. “I’ll let Karin know. I can’t wait to meet them!”

Then she hangs up, rolls up her sleeves, and gets to work in the kitchen. No guests of her brother’s will ever accuse them of being ungracious hosts on her watch.

(Karin comes home from soccer practice half an hour later. She laughs, as Yuzu does, when Yuzu tells her of their impending guests.)

-0-

Two hours later, Yuzu is putting the finishing touches on the meal when the sound of the door being unlocked carries through the apartment.

"Welcome home, Onii-chan!" She calls out, plating the last dish before carrying it over to the dining table. "Dinner's ready!"

She can hear Karin leaving their bedroom and coming down the hall on deliberately heavy footsteps. She appears just as Ichigo comes in from the front, Mizuiro a step behind him, with two men bringing up the rear, vaguely middle-aged at first glance, younger at the second, and then just ageless the more you stare.

They're tall, is Yuzu's first thought, but everybody's tall from her perspective. Still, they're taller than Ichigo, especially the one in the very back, and bigger too, even if they've got that same elegant dancer's gait her brother walks with, the one that whispers danger in the hindbrain even to those who don't know what to look for. They're also both blond, one darker than the other, but both with hair that nearly reach their shoulders. One wears modern clothing, the other more traditional, and one is empty-handed while the other carries a cane, but both of them take in the whole room in one calculating sweep that misses nothing. And they're both already smiling politely as they walk in, one with a harmless playful edge, the other with a harmless mysterious air, but both as fake as each other.

Yuzu exchanges a glance with Karin just to check she's not seeing things. Karin gives her the eyebrows that means she's noticed too.

Mizuiro had given off a far less dangerous aura when Ichigo had first brought him home. And he still feels much less threatening than these men now, no matter how much Guest One and Guest Two are probably trying to play it down. But back then, Mizuiro had also come in with sharp eyes and a guileless skin-deep smile, and that at least is exactly the same.

Their big brother sure does have a type. Yuzu sometimes wonders if Ichigo goes out and picks the most suspicious and unsettling people he can find to entertain him, or if he just somehow attracts them with his innate charm.

"My sisters, Karin, and Yuzu," Ichigo introduces without suspense, then jabs a thumb at Mizuiro. "And Mizuiro lives next door but he eats with us when we're here."

Then he gestures at the two men. "This is Hirako Shinji and Urahara Kisuke." He pauses for a brief half-second, and his eyes flash gold in Yuzu's, and Karin's, direction. "Hirako's a bit like me." He pauses again, and a funny half-smile hitches at one corner of his mouth. "They both are actually."

He says nothing else, so Yuzu takes that as her cue to sketch a neat half-bow paired with a bright smile. "Hello! It's nice to meet you!"

Beside her, Karin parrots the motion, if in a more perfunctory manner, but they weren't raised in a cave, so they know how to be courteous.

The men murmur back their own greetings even as their gazes shift back and forth between them and their brother like they're trying to pick up on a second unspoken conversation, but it's not as if there's anything for them to hear either way.

It's just that the introduction was short, names and little else, so Yuzu knows that they're equally untrustworthy, which makes sense because Ichigo couldn't have known them for more than a week or two. But the little else he'd tacked on had been a sign as well— not just that they're like him in some ways, in different ways, but also that Ichigo likes Hirako more than Urahara. Nevertheless, the fact that he'd brought them here at all means that they're interesting enough to make them both tolerable.

Yuzu understands, as does Karin, but they give no indication of it as everyone shuffles around to wash their hands, and Yuzu quickly scoops out a bowl of rice each for everyone in attendance.

"Onii-chan never invites anybody over, so I made a lot of extra food today," Yuzu tells them happily. "Please eat as much as you want!"

"Everythin' looks delicious," The darker blond, Hirako, grins at her, and this time, the expression seems more genuine. At the very least, it gives her a warmer feeling than the other blond, Urahara, who also smiles and trills agreement but radiates more distance than an overseas phone call.

Everyone settles around the dining table, although Mizuiro spares a moment to pull an exaggerated moue of aggrievement. "Never invites anybody over? Have I been forgotten, Yuzu-chan?"

Karin rolls her eyes while Yuzu giggles merrily. "You don't count, Mizuiro-nii-chan. You already eat with us almost every day anyway."

Mizuiro drops the act in favour of a smirk, though he looks pleased too, to be counted as family, as if the novelty of it still hasn't worn off. To be fair, it had taken a whole six months before Ichigo had been willing to leave him in the same vicinity as Yuzu and Karin on their own, and Yuzu knows that being trusted like that by her brother is no small feat.

Conversation drops as everybody begins digging in, and Yuzu lets her gaze drift casually over to their guests as they too pick up their bowls and chopsticks.

It's Urahara she lingers on first because he's the one who lifts his bowl to his mouth, only to stop at the last second, chopsticks poised. His expression doesn't really change, and the lapse only lasts a fraction of a second before he's moving again, smoothly pretending to eat a mouthful before lowering his bowl again, chewing and swallowing thin air masterfully. Even Yuzu only spots it because she's been watching the whole time from behind lowered eyelashes as she grabs some eggplant from one of the vegetable dishes.

She lets her gaze drop completely when she feels the man's eyes move from the food to her and then to Ichigo. Still, she can't quite suppress a pout, although she supposes she can't be too disappointed either since Hirako at least eats a good five bites of his rice before suddenly stiffening, glancing down sharply even as his eyes flicker with the same burnished gold colour that her brother possesses.

Then he looks up, looks at Urahara, looks at her, looks long at Ichigo, and then-

-he laughs. It's a bark of one that echoes with a snarl, except the mirth in it is also entirely genuine, enough for Yuzu to glance up with startled eyes. But the rest of the table does as well, so at least she doesn't stand out. Of course, that doesn't prevent Hirako from grinning at her, all teeth, with a bite that would feel like claws at her throat if not for the fact that it's coloured by something even warmer than when he'd complimented her spread. Appreciation, maybe.

"Is it the rice?" He muses candidly, and then actually eats another bite. "Nah, can't be, it was from the same cooker. It's the bowl, right? Not bad, I can't smell or taste anythin'."

Yuzu blinks and shares another look with Karin, who looks largely bored by the proceedings and hasn't stopped eating. Soccer practice always makes her hungry. But she also shrugs in agreement that Hirako is being sincere, so Yuzu relaxes and looks at her brother next.

Ichigo also hasn't stopped eating, although he isn't shovelling food into his mouth as speedily as Karin is. He swallows, glances leisurely at their guests, then looks back at her. "Not bad. Nothing in the food though?"

Yuzu frowns. "It's the first time you've invited them over, Onii-chan. I didn't want to scare them off."

Also, they're tolerable, and Ichigo even likes one of them, so she'd chosen the mildly poisoned bowls over the severely poisoned ones.

Ichigo just looks amused. "They don't scare easily."

Yuzu pouts again before glancing at their two guests, who are both watching them openly now. Hirako still looks like he's just heard a grand joke, while Urahara seems more than a little bemused, but neither of them feels angry.

Her big brother really is an excellent judge of character.

"You really didn't notice anything at all?" Yuzu asks in earnest, peering at Hirako before squinting at Urahara. "Then how come he did? And did you already shake the poison off?"

Hirako snorts and reaches for the communal chopsticks to swipe another chicken wing. "My... constitution's pretty good at negatin' toxins. And Kisuke's trained for this sort of thing."

Trained? Yuzu stares wide-eyed at Urahara long enough for the man to stop exuding caution and start manifesting awkwardness, which isn't what she wants so she hastily blurts out, "Are you really? So you can identify any poison? But the one I made is an original, so you shouldn't have come across it before."

Urahara stares back at her for a long blank-faced moment, not even bothering to stitch on a smile anymore, and like this, he matches the flat undercurrent of his emotions much better, like ice over water, except the water is the ocean and you don't know how deep it goes or what's waiting underneath.

"Ah," The man finally says, lifting a hand to his hat for a moment and pressing down on it so that his eyes are hidden. Then he looks up again and eyes her like he's seeing her for the first time and is pleasantly surprised by what he's found. "I may not know the exact poison, but I could still tell there was something off. Also, it's plant-based, isn't it?"

He pauses, and then, just like Hirako, he picks up his rice bowl again and swallows a decent mouthful, chewing almost thoughtfully beforehand. "And refined with reiatsu. That's actually more difficult to hide from me. Your technique is clumsy too. Give me an hour and I could probably also tell you the strains you crossed to make it. For now, at the very least, I can say there's definitely wisteria in this."

Yuzu is rendered speechless for a full five seconds. And then she snaps out of it and rounds on her brother with the best puppy eyes in her arsenal. She knows they don't actually work, but Ichigo tends to give in to her when she pulls them out anyway because it means she really wants something. "Onii-chan, you'll invite them back again, won't you? Urahara-san is amazing! I could learn so much if he teaches me!"

Ichigo's eyebrows go up for a moment in a way that speaks of indulgence, but he also glances lazily at Urahara before going back to his food. "Ask him yourself."

Yuzu pulls up short, always slightly stunned whenever her brother refuses her, even when it's not a direct refusal. But generally speaking, if she or Karin wants something enough to ask for it, Ichigo has always been the sort to simply make it happen for them. The only times he's ever refused is when he'd thought it too unnecessary - Karin really shouldn't have asked for a flamethrower for her birthday, it's unwieldy and she can't hide it in her backpack, plus they know how to make Molotov cocktails already anyway, which is almost the same thing - or when he'd considered it important for them to get what they want on their own, usually because it would make for a useful life skill in the future.

Never has it been because of a person.

But for the first time ever, this situation seems to have fallen into that exact category, which... She looks back at Urahara with more curiosity than before. For someone Ichigo only finds tolerable, something about this man has... impressed him? Is that what's going on here? Not even Mizuiro has ever succeeded in that before, so for once, Yuzu has no precedent to draw from.

Well, that doesn't matter right now. The important thing is that Urahara will probably remain in her big brother's life for some time to come, which means-

"Urahara-san!" She shoots to her feet, chair clattering back with the force of it as she bows. "Please teach me more about poisons! It's okay if it's just a little bit, whenever you have time. I promise I'll work hard! And of course, I can pay for the lessons!"

She does some mental tallying. There's a bake sale coming up for her club, and the venue they've chosen is close enough to the Karakura border to attract people from the neighbouring town. If she plays her cards right, some thugs from nearby yakuza groups probably wouldn't mind donating to her cause. Pretty little girls offering pretty little cakes are bound to reel in at least a few idiots.

Of course, she'll have to ask Ichigo to get rid of them afterwards. It's better not to risk putting anything too lethal into a school bake sale, just in case of an accident, so she'll have to stick with upset stomachs at most. Once they've paid up, Ichigo can make them disappear. Those upset stomachs can get really gross, and blood and guts aren't much better if cleanup gets messy, so Yuzu would rather not deal with that part.

Unlike her siblings who don't mind it, Yuzu is unfortunately something of a clean freak. Karin always taunts her about having inherited their father's delicate constitution, and Yuzu can't even refute it, no matter how insulted she feels. It's seriously unfair because she can gut a fish in the kitchen no problem, but human intestines make her gag.

"I-" Urahara starts, jolting her out of her thoughts. The man looks taken aback all over again, and like he's missed a step somewhere. He even feels a bit nervous as he whips out a paper fan of all things, one that hides half his face from view. His gaze bounces between her and her brother, emitting enough anxious vibes that Yuzu suddenly wants to give him an emotional support dog or something. "I'm not sure I would be the... best choice for this sort of thing, Kurosaki-san."

Yuzu is unsure who he's talking to, but just in case it's her, she rearranges her face into the most kicked puppy look of disappointment she's capable of. "Why not? You know your poisons, and it looks like it'll be hard for me to kill you. Onii-chan can only teach me so much, it's not really his area, so I've only been able to trial-and-error it for months now. But I'm a quick learner, and I swear I'll listen to anything you're willing to teach me. Or, is it the money? Just name your price."

Even if she can't come up with it all on her own, she's certain Ichigo will help pay the rest. Honestly, even if it's within her budget, he'll just pour the same amount she shells out back into her bank account. The only reason they have to go in a big circle like this is because Ichigo wants them to learn how to handle money responsibly.

"That's not-" Urahara stops again, then snaps his fan shut, and then all of a sudden, it's like a wall comes up, and everything about him shuts down. He straightens, features as unreadable as the rest of him, and then he turns to Ichigo so that it's unmistakeable who he's talking to this time. "Kurosaki-san, is this really alright?"

Ichigo's basically finished eating at this point. Karin gets up for another bowl of rice. Mizuiro watches them like he's binging one of his romance dramas. And Hirako has his head propped up against one loose fist, eyes half-lidded but intent.

In response, Ichigo only shrugs. "I mean, you can say no. But like she said, I can't teach her much more than I already have, and it's not like she's gonna find a better teacher than you at this point, right?"

"And where did you learn it from?" Urahara asks, grey eyes riveted on Ichigo with the sort of focus that feels like he might've forgotten anyone else even exists.

Ichigo actually quirks a smile, sardonically amused. "Same place I learned everything else."

He doesn't expand on it, keeping the conversation on track instead, much to Yuzu's delight. "Anyway, if you're asking for permission, obviously it's a yes. I wouldn't have let her ask in the first place if I wasn't okay with it. And she's smart. You could do worse for a part-time student."

Urahara remains motionless and unblinking for another few seconds. "...Was this why you invited us for dinner?"

Ichigo shrugs again. "Not really. It's not like I knew you knew poisons. I just thought my sisters should meet you, that's all."

"And why's that?" Hirako interjects, also watching Ichigo with gleaming eyes that never waver. "Cuz ya don't seem the type to let jus' anyone get close to your nearest and dearest."

Ichigo turns to him, and his eyes are fond in a way they very rarely are when aimed at anyone not Yuzu or Karin or Mizuiro. It's not quite on the same level, but it does make it even more obvious that Hirako has her brother's favour.

"I thought it'd be good if they knew a few Shinigami," Ichigo says offhandedly, although judging by the slight stir of surprise from both guests, they hadn't expected he would just come out and say it. Or perhaps they're surprised he's talking about it in front of Yuzu and Karin and Mizuiro? But they're family. Yuzu doesn't know everything about Ichigo, but that's just because she doesn't want to know that much about her brother's life, not because Ichigo wouldn't tell her if she or Karin asks.

"You seem like you might bring trouble to my doorstep one day," Ichigo says, somewhat out of the blue, and all at once, Urahara tugs at his hat again just as Yuzu gets a sense of shifty-eyed discomfort all but waving support lights over the man's head. Hirako sort of feels the same, but in a less... personal way.

So whatever's going on, Urahara's probably the one in charge.

Ichigo seems to sense it too, or he's long guessed it considering his not great feelings for Urahara. Either way, he scoffs, and the light in his eyes says he's annoyed, but not annoyed enough to do something permanent about it. Yet. "Yeah, that's what I thought. So I figured it's better for you to know who you should do your very best to protect if shit goes down around them, because otherwise, I might not even feel like hearing you out. Understand?"

Hirako glances at Yuzu, at Karin, even at Mizuiro, then he turns back to Ichigo, solemn in a way Yuzu hasn't seen since they met, "I understand."

It sounds like a promise.

Ichigo hums, satisfied. Neither of them prods at Urahara for an answer, and Urahara doesn't give one. He feels flat again, like a scrap of paper.

"So like I said," Ichigo continues briskly. "If you wanna teach her, knock yourself out. You can send me the bill."

Yuzu beams at him. Looks like she won't have to waste any cakes.

From his seat, Urahara heaves a sigh, and now he just seems tired and still a bit baffled, but he also finally looks at her again like he's assessing her potential. Yuzu straightens and adopts her best imploring face.

This of all things makes Urahara's mouth twitch, and he even feels amused, except it's the sort of amusement that's all wrapped up in razor-wire mockery. That bit doesn't show on his face of course. Still, Yuzu's fingers suddenly itch with the urge to swap out his bowl with the other one after all.

"So clumsy," The man muses, one finger tapping at the cane leaning against his chair. "...Very well, I suppose I may have a few things I can impart to a budding... chemistry enthusiast. On one condition however. And I don't want money."

He looks at Ichigo again, except he doesn't say anything. Ichigo seems to understand anyway because a grin pulls at his lips, a touch too savage to fit on a human face, and aimed at anyone else, Yuzu knows they wouldn't even have time to pick out a coffin.

Urahara seems to be an exception. It makes Yuzu wonder if he's just that strong, certain in his ability to forever remain stronger than her brother, or if he's simply gambling with his life, and it's Ichigo instead who's decided to be uncharacteristically patient.

She hopes it's not the former, because she has no faith in anyone who thinks themselves capable of staying ahead of her brother forever. But if it's the latter, then maybe she'll have enough time to wheedle out everything Urahara knows of poisons before Ichigo snaps and kills him.

"That seems a bit unbalanced," Ichigo remarks.

Urahara inclines his head, and this time, his voice rings of the same vow that had reverberated in Hirako's earlier. "Upon my blade, my life before your family's, should the worst come to pass."

Ichigo laughs, soft and without humour. "This trouble must be something else. That, or you don’t think your life’s worth all that much. But fine. We'll hash it out tomorrow. Keep your word, and I might even go along with whatever you and your people have been cooking up. But Yuzu gets to bug you for lessons any day of the week from now on."

And once again, between one breath and the next, Urahara trades the gravity for the false affability from before.

It's like watching a performance, Yuzu thinks.

She glances at her brother and watches him watch Urahara, still annoyed, still a bit like he could put a knife through the other's ribs if it wouldn't mean the hassle of mopping blood off the floor.

Ichigo likes Hirako. Yuzu does too, even though they just met not even half an hour ago. There's something about him that makes him approachable and friendly despite the very obvious beast lurking beneath his skin. But that too might be part of the charm because Yuzu's long used to the same thing from her brother. Knowing even just that much, it's not a shock that Ichigo has clicked with him - a fellow monster - in a way he never has even with Mizuiro.

But Urahara is different. Urahara is treated with tolerance only, with irritation and discontent and even derision, on and off. But Yuzu knows that her brother has killed people for a whole lot less than that, and yet here Urahara sits at their family's table while Ichigo looks at him from time to time, tolerant and irritated and discontent and derisive, and he can't stop looking.

She wonders if even her brother is aware of what he's doing.

"I'll leave my number," The man offers, complete with a genial smile. "And you may stop by my shop anytime. Allow me a few days, and I shall have some reading material organized for you."

Yuzu perks up, nods, and finally sits back down, then gets up again to fetch two extra bowls of rice, this time clean of any poison. Hirako snickers but accepts his with a nod. Urahara does the same, with that same winning smile, and then dinner restarts, this time uninterrupted.

Well, who cares if Ichigo is aware or not? He’ll figure it out sooner or later. And besides, it’s all the same in the end— people who push her brother too far will face the consequences, and those who don't will not. That's just the simple truth of it.

But in the meantime, Urahara at least won't be going anywhere, which means Yuzu can finally get some guidance for one of her favourite hobbies, and honestly, that's all she really cares about.

[lactoseintolerentswag]

Rise Characterizations Pt. 5!!!!!

Okay I promised I'd share my Splinter reference notes, so here I am! Also wanna take a moment to thank everyone reblogging the prev. parts. All the tags/notes are so sweet!!! Anyway, here's our one and only Rat Man,

Splinter Character Notes

Language Habits:

Catchphrase: "HOOOOOT SOUP!!!"

Will yell "whoa/oh nelly!" when in a tight spot or stumbling around

Makes puns/dad jokes, and laughs at said jokes to himself

A poor liar, will skirt around the truth until you drop it

Penchant for interrupting people if he's not interested, devout user of "yada, yada", "ah, bup, bup, bup"

Verbalizes his attacks/moves, something his sons pick up on. Could be a habit picked up from his action star days, such moves include: lights off jitsu, and slow motion jitsu

Uses 2010's slang, (i.e. "totes", "chillaxed"), could see him incorrectly using up to date slang to embarrass his boys

In a group refers to his sons as "boys"

One by one will refer to his sons by their designated colors, but will pull out the full name (not nickname) if the situation is serious

Also refers to Donnie as "the funny one"

Personality:

A performer, well he is an actor after all. He knows how to captivate an audience. Splinter likes attention--something that may be connected to his strict childhood with high expectations--but he also performs for his boys. To keep them happy, but most importantly safe. This also means he keeps his true emotions tucked closely to his chest

Jovial. Despite his dark past and heavy responsibility thrust upon him at a young age, Splinter is always laughing. He finds the fun in everything

Secretive. As mentioned before, Splinter tends to keep things close to his chest. Despite this, he's a terrible liar. He'll just avoid the truth until it comes back to bite him in the ass. This makes him sometimes a little emotionally unavailable

Lazy. He always finds the easiest way to do something, and procrastinate on his responsibilities as long as possible

Vain. He's glory seeking for all the proper attention he lost in his youth. So the Lou Jitsu aspect of his life boosted his ego in irreparable ways. He also uses the identity of Lou Jitsu to escape from the idea of being stuck as a rat. Glorifying the past is way to find comfort for him

Adrenaline junkie. Part of that glory-seeking and glorification of the past manifests into him needing adrenaline to feel alive. (i.e. when he steals the tank)

Attentive and empathetic. He can be a little hare-brained when it comes to remembering the details, but he's always very attentive to his sons needs. In flashbacks he's shown to supply them with items needed for their interests (i.e. little Mikey gets art supplies), and always apologizes when he messes up (i.e. the conversation he had with Donnie). This empathy also extends to other people and animals, as he was sympathetic with Cassandra when she was lamenting about the foot clan and was immediately worried about the turtles Draxum had in his lab

Protective. He would sacrifice everything to save his sons, and he does

Miscellaneous:

His tail is Very expressive, and one of the most active parts of his body, so if you want to subtley show emotion I'd focus on that

Has a Lou Jitsu body pillow

Remembers all his stunt double's names

Snores loudly

Talented singer, can sing opera and lived next to a karaoke bar in Japan

The show he watches the most is called "Soapy Treadmill", a Japanese game show where they throw things like scorpions at people who are soapy on treadmills

Has a "do not touch!" cabinet, full of trophies, mystic artifacts, and mementos of his past

I have a List of all the mentioned Lou Jitsu movie names mentioned in S1, but I'm probably gonna wait till the end of my S2 rewatch and post it separately (it's also long too). Will link here!

I'm also gonna add a recommendation here at the end.

This is for the white and non East Asian folks. I'm not as well-versed in East Asian or Japanese culture, but Splinter is a first generation immigrant! He keeps a distance from his heritage because of the trauma of his youth, and the role Lou Jitsu probably also forced him to westernize his identity to make it more palpable to Hollywood. But it would be a disservice to sever parts of his identity, because one is uncomfortable or not knowledgeable in writing it.

For my white folks intimidated by writing a person of color because they want to get it right, research always helps. Research helps with everything!!! writingwithcolor here on tumblr actually has a lot of useful resources, here's their guideline, and a research chart one of their moderators created, which I personally found to be very helpful. I believe their ask box is closed right now, but if you ask questions in the future be nice!!!!

Anyway I'm gonna do April next :)

[toprayarc]

something that's incredibly important to me is how capable mari is as a person. not in the sense of her skillset, but more so her capabilities in human to human connection, compassion, and care. while she can be intensely cold, cruel, and ruthless, there is a piece of her inside that is waiting for the opportunity and safety to express itself. and that piece is soft, tender, empathetic, and wildly loyal— it's a piece of her that was taken advantage of, abused, and horribly betrayed, time and time again. when we learn, as people, that it is no longer safe to be certain aspects of ourselves, those aspects get hidden away and shoved down. whether it be in larger scopes, such as hiding these big pieces of who we are as people, or whether it be in the smaller sense, and we simply hide our mouth when we smile, our experiences shape us. when mari is given a safe environment to be able to express that, and feel comfortable in letting that piece of her grow, you often see these very vulnerable states that show just how stunted mari was in her growth. she was never given an opportunity to grow up and let those pieces of her shine, and simply hid them away to invest into these hardened, rough, and mean exteriors. while mari is capable of being the most untrustworthy person around, and holds a disconnect on not seeing people as people, she simultaneously can be the person you should trust the most in your life. she's devoted, loyal, and would go to any length for those she cares for. she's capable of being incredibly empathetic, wildly supportive, and intensely loving. but to see those pieces of her means you have to allow them to understand that it is safe to come out, so to speak. once you begin to invest into those sides of mari, the more they can develop, grow, and come to the forefront.

one of the most significant things about the breaking bad verse i'm using for my default verse is that it is a recovery narrative. mari has someone (jesse/@tocook) invest into her, devote time and effort and empathy to her, and helps cultivate a safe environment for her. with time, and plenty of bumps in the road, it means that she is able to recognize things about herself, accept things about herself, and stop fighting so hard to become someone she really isn't. she's still mean in her own ways, disrespectful, and generally kind of a menace, but the important piece of the puzzle here is that she is given a space to grow. this isn't a love heals all narrative, but it surely is a thinkpiece on how we, as people, are driven by other people and can often learn to accept ourselves through recognition and understanding. mari goes from being a hired gun, refusing herself any friends or company and drowning in her solitude, all the way to finding a new life and learning how to invest into herself in a real way. she becomes a jujitsu teacher for children, she eventually puts down the knife, and while she still surely struggles with plenty of things and does not have access to the healthcare that would fully help her heal (as she still does struggle, because again— this is not a love heals all narrative) she's able to figure out who she is as a person, and not a weapon, or a chess piece, or an asset. those neglected, stunted pieces of her are able to shine. she is able to grow up.

[thesinglesjukebox]

KELSEA BALLERINI WITH NOAH KAHAN - "COWBOYS CRY TOO"

It's time to be a cowboy nooowwwww / and cowboys DO cry...

[5.78]

Julian Axelrod: Noah Kahan's email inbox must look crazy these days. After securing a string of Stick Season features from his famous friends, I can imagine him slowly working through a stack of requests for verses like he's Ty Dolla $ign in 2016. Kelsea Ballerini is among the first to cash in on the Kahanaissance, and she's not fucking around: Nothing says "I, too, would like to sell out arenas in Vermont" like an earnest folk ballad about fragile masculinity and the complicated relationships between fathers and sons. Unsurprisingly, Noah rises to the challenge, and their voices come together beautifully. But coming off a year of promoting her most "personal" work yet, it's telling that Kelsea feels most comfortable fading into the background. [5]

Katherine St. Asaph: A surprisingly tender, nuanced lament on toxic masculinity. Both Ballerini and Kahan are credited; perhaps they're to thank for the empathy? [7]

Will Adams: A comment on the lyric video by one darrensawyer-ju9bn: "Thank you for bringing attention to the fact that men have emotions too." I genuinely cannot tell if this comment is facetious or sincere. My cynical, too-online brain wants to cast off "Cowboys Cry Too" as obvious and self-serving, but there's a little seed in there that truly believes Ballerini and Kahan pull it off. It helps that their take on toxic masculinity acknowledges the generational aspect ("I grew up wishing I could close off the way my dad did") and the woman's perspective ("when he's showing his skin... that's when he's toughest to me"). It's pretty, too, which also helps. [6]

Jonathan Bradley: “Cowboys Cry Too” would like to signpost changing expectations of masculinity, but it underestimates the terrain: country music since its inception has offered an arena in which men were permitted to be more emotional and more sentimental than they can outside the honky tonk. Cowboys are complex: as well as weepers, they are creatures mommas should not want their sons to grow up to become, but they’re also frequently secretly fond of each other. Noah Kahan is not a cowboy or a country artist, but his folk ballads offer something like a Vermont corollary to the genre’s implicit Southernness. Kahan can’t deliver a melody as expertly as Ballerini, who here attempts empathy but ends up sounding stunted (boys have feelings -- who knew?), but his first-person narrative of fathers and burning “too many miles trying to ride out the sadness” paints a more nuanced portrait. But there’s also the ghost of Reba McEntire; if cowboys cry, Brooks and Dunn told us cowgirls don’t, and using that song’s motifs puts into relief how emotionally austere this one is. There’s too much Yankee stoicism here and not enough tears. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: I'm okay with country music existing in this imaginary space where everyone's either a cowboy or cowgirl, regardless of their suburb or exurb of origin. But when used in a song title like this, and especially when paired with "I never knew," the effect is rather infantilizing, like your therapist giving you advice from a Pixar movie. However, Ballerini's decision to buck the Western imagery and reach all the way to Vermont for a duet partner was improbably the correct one. If Noah Kahan has any misgivings about being typecast as a weepy folk balladeer, he doesn't show them here, as he pins down the kitschy platitudes into a more concrete narrative about fatherhood and fears of abandonment. Notably, though, he doesn't make any reference to rural life in his lyrics, suggesting that he too might be quietly ashamed of working under this banner. A good illustration of a case where keeping one's feelings bottled up really is the best option. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Alysa Vanderheym once co-wrote a song called "Talk You Out of It" for Florida Georgia Line. Hence why, when she got to be part of a good song, she went hard in the paint with the steel guitar. [9]

Ian Mathers: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn Kelsea and Noah's overpriced-sounding milquetoast pop country song and turn its Jukebox score into the 4th of Shit [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Give me my "Dawns" back. [3]

Alfred Soto: The fusty tropes don't smother Kelsea Ballerini's lack of affect; she knows how to weigh her feelings by sticking to the script. Noah Kahan isn't there yet, but in a fictional world where a song about cowboys a-weepin' enters the Hot Country Airplay top five his pathos is a glass of fresh iced tea.  [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[yesfxckyxu]

J A C K N E V E R B O R E .

NAME: Jack Neverbore. AGE: 18-24. (Verse Dependent) DOB: March 28. NATIONALITY: Japanese American. SPECIES: Human. GENDER: Male. OCCUPATION: Vigilante Gang Leader. HEIGHT: 5'7". HAIR: Pitch Black. EYES: Burnt Umber. FACECLAIM: Izaya Orihara & Ryo Nishikido.

This gang does numerous tasks, on Jack’s side: stopping gang fights, drug wars, drug dealing and intervening with the cop’s tasks when it came to certain homicides; albeit rare. On Caleb’s side, outside their normal attires, they would do errands for the nursing homes, as well as running a homeless shelter labeled ‘The Crow’s Nest’. Both coming up to create this deal to start a ‘business’ in mind.

The members themselves are known to be reckless outside the gang, them being known as delinquents and/or criminals to some. Others, however, don’t even have records as they are not known as such outside of the activities of others. Those others are known to be ‘good kids’, ‘kind souls’, and even more than ‘A+ students’.

Yet, they are seen hanging around each other nonetheless—despite what is commonly known as their friends in their personal social groups, before ever hanging around others as themselves. Causing disdain towards those who are known with the bad rep, which seems to only cause those ‘good kids’ to cling to their friends tighter.

The unknown reason for these people’s change of relationships can only be described as association to the calling of an unknown ad from unknown origin. All thanks to the leader himself and his underground dealings.

Biography:

Jack is part of an American government experiment known as Case 404Nex, to where in his childhood days, he was severely neglected emotionally ( and is ). This caused him to be stunted in some ways to where he can have a hard time relating to people. Jack is known to be unpredictable and somewhat despicable when it comes to his past and present actions accompanied by thoughts.

He has been known to cause chaos in New York just out of pure boredom. As an example, would be pranking random civilians or causing out of the blue arguments, both to psychologically analyze the ‘victim’. As for him, he usually doesn’t see people as ‘human’ right away. This is mainly due to underlying mental illnesses, an almost irreversible consequence. And despite that he does this to get to know the unsuspecting victim of his antics, it can also backfire on him when it comes to those underlying illnesses.

This experiment is to solely analyze, ( ironic with how Jack treats others ), a human’s desire and need for emotional support; where they stand and how it affects their standing in social class, and cognitive empathy development. The question of what makes a human, a human.

Unintentionally, this caused Jack to finalize a delusion disorder called the “Defensive Actor Syndrome”, to where he believes he is somewhat in a “reality show”. Cameras and people watching him, people of the government alongside Actors watching him since he has obtained files on his eighteenth birthday telling him that he was part of the experiment. Which is also part of the experiment itself, which he had soon figured out. This has caused him to be very unkind to certain strangers that heighten his paranoia.

[c1tyhaunts]

CHARACTER TROPES. Avian Esparza

Actual Pacifist: While this is played with/subverted in her original Fallout 3 verse and other combat focused verses, Avian at her core is a true pacifist who does not believe in hurting others. Now, this is primarily centered on herself and what she's willing/not willing to do. If someone else chooses to use violence to solve a conflict, she may not stop them, but Avian herself will never be someone who'd physically hurts someone. This can, however, be something she grows out of.

All-Loving Heroine: Played straight, no matter how much cynicism lies in Avian's heart, she has her father's deeply embedded empathy that motivates a lot of her actions. She's willing to put herself in harm's way for the betterment of others, even if it doesn't fully benefit her.

Black-and-White Morality: Downplayed to a degree; Avian is rather set in her beliefs on what's good or bad, and that mostly aligns to how you treat others in the context of your actions. While she'll understand the emotional appeals to how someone navigates the world, it won't budge her moral complex if she has deemed another's work/actions as good or bad. Depending on how close she is to someone, however, that could change.

Blue Blood: Avian grew up very, very comfortable; her mother came from a wealthy family and worked as a pediatrician doctor, and her father was a well-paid neurosurgeon throughout her childhood. Adding the fact her Uncle Che was involved passively in her upbringing, and he's deeply ingrained with society (albeit on the criminal side), Avian grew up as a modern equivalent of a princess.

Brainy Brunette: And how! If Avian has a fixation on it, she's going to learn everything about it. Avian is a prodigy in the making, only stunted by her own insecurity. There's a reason why she's pursuing her PhD in Chemistry because she loves science, and wants to continue to build off of that.

Break the Cutie / Broken Bird: She has not fully recovered from the death of her father, especially given he died unexpectedly and right after she had graduated from college. She's more openly morose than she is the inner, optimist she truly is. Added to her previous past of being bullied for her disabilities and losing her long time friend because of Avian's sexuality, and the girl has been through a rough patch and a half.

Spoiled Brat: Played with; it's the side effect of growing up primarily at the beck & call of her father that - sometimes, more times than not - Avian has a very, VERY set stack of standards for herself and she won't budge from them. Sometimes, she expects to be served a certain way because her father did so, and will get a bit applet if it's not done to her set expectations. She's quick to dismiss this mindset once she gets to know someone better and she grows more comfortable in their presence.

Lonely Rich Kid: Essentially Avian's entire childhood, much to her disadvantage. She grew up essentially with her father and her nanny, Jonah. While Avian does develop a few friends here and there from her neighborhood, none of them were super long lasting. Also adding the bullying that had been inflicted on her during high school due to her autism, and that has pushed her to a life of self-ostracization because she worries about getting hurt again.

Non-Idle Rich: Frankly, Avian has enough in savings to essentially live an easy life, but she finds ways to get involved so she's not rotting away in her family's old home. She's pursuing her masters degree in chemistry because of her love for science, and often, she does donates to charities to feel like she's contributing to society.

Odd Friendship: Whenever Avian gets into a friendship, she always finds a way to click with people who aren't as holy as she is. This also works with her relationship to her uncle Che Ferraro, who is a social crime lord compared to his antisocial nerd of a niece. And yet, the two of them still go to church together on Sundays.

The Cynic / The Pollyanna: Avian heavily flip flops between the two, finding a way to balance both at the same time. After growing up more shelter, she does hold an idealistic world view, thinking there's so much more to the world than the doom and gloom her father often talked about. And then her father died, and with the trauma of her childhood following alongside that, Avian has a hard time believing in the betterment of the world. Interacting with her really will determine which side she ends up staying on for the long run.

True Blue Femininity: Blue is Avian's color, and she does dresses traditionally more feminine. And for the most part, Avian tries to be fair and gentle with all that she does.

Skilled, but Naive: This girl is book-smart to a scary degree (blame the fact that all she had to do was read books and indulge in her hyperfixations). Based on conversations with @cartelheir, Avian has the ability to be the next Walter White if she put to use her chemistry knowledge to make drugs that could flood the market. But, because Avian doesn't think in a capitalist sense, she'll continue to make her own little pharmaceuticals in her own lab just for fun. FOR FUN.

Uptight Loves Wild: Typically the type of people that Avian finds herself falling for. This started out with her childhood friend, Almyra, who was the Wild to Avian's uptight. Avian will consistently find herself eying down the "Bad Boys/Girls" that contrast to her good girl image. Maybe as a desire to be them, and not just to be with them.

"Well Done, Son" Guy: Despite her disillusion to her father's advice & intentions, she works to be the daughter her dad would be proud of, even beyond the grave.

[cryptidsncurios]

The Likelihood of My Muses Receiving a Redemption Arc

Kuja

If we're talking about during the events of the game?? Very likely "no." He's so locked into his own self-centered mentality of gaining power and being the best and destroying Garland and ruling Gaia and then... yknow.... *cough*destroying the universe*cough*..... he's too much of a narcissistic, insecure mess to even begin to get his footing on the concept of turning over a new leaf.

However, if we're talking about post-FFIX Kuja?? Where he had his little "aha" moment before his "death," and, despite being a damn drama queen about it ("I don't deserve to live after all I've done. I'm useless to this world." Oh woe is him) came to the realization that there's more to life than just himself?

Well... admittedly, he'll always be a narcissist to some degree, always dramatic, always thinking of himself first. One does not live for 24 years with such stunted emotional growth to just magically change overnight.

But now that he's been given this second chance, he's carried that little "aha" moment with him, and he's a smart cookie entirely capable of learning---maybe not outright empathy, but at least he can grasp the concept of sympathy. Even though he would still have some difficulty putting himself into other people's shoes due to his lack of experience and couldn't totally relate on the same level, he can still see someone's happiness or hardships and somewhat understand what it is they're going through.

(And tbh I have personally headcanon'd in that verse that he's begun using some of his wealth to help out various folks that need it, does some odd jobs in Lindblum and Alexandria and, when he travels, does his best to learn from others rather than cloistering himself to his own personal interests.)

However... it does bear repeating: Kuja has some very intense emotional issues. Thus, ultimately, I feel it would depend on outside influences---he meets good people, finds some positive experiences, he could grow into a beautiful blossom that lives a full, happy, healthy life.

But if not... well. He could become even worse.

It just depends, I suppose---but the likelihood of being able to find a new purpose for himself in his post-FFIX verse is fairly high.

Xigbar

As of now, due to the ongoing nature of the KH series, Xig is still a big ol' wild card. However, just looking at what I've interpreted of him... it's another case where it could go either way.

Despite his constantly casual attitude and nonchalant behavior---that eternally idgaf clownery---Xigbar is... for lack of a nicer way of saying it, a deeply broken individual. He began this journey as Luxu: this hopeful servant of Light, desperate for everyone to be saved---but now, he's lived for centuries, hopping through body after body, basically at the mercy of a Fate that he fully doesn't understand.

Regardless of what's to canonically come, I envision two paths for Xigbar:

The first is where he becomes the Ultimate Villain of the next arc, seeking out the destruction of the Master and the Foretellers and everyone that dares to get in his way, gaining his revenge and finally NOT keeping his power levels at 0.03% of his full abilities (I cannot be unconvinced of this, it is The Truth).

The second?? He becomes the Weird Uncle Guy who sorta tags along but is still a snarky nuisance to everyone, all while subtly showing off how super OP he is.

So... in summary, again, since KH is ongoing... it's a half-and-half kinda deal.

Kimbley

No. Absolutely not. He's a cannibal serial killer mass murderer. No redemption for him.

[queer-froggit]

y'know know the song "giants" by true damage (league of legends). yeah one of those verses is very Error coded. let me explain.

"Shutting it down, been Underground

Now my people all up in this place"

pretty simple- Error is a version of Geno who glitched into the anti-void, so he's "been underground", and all of Error's puppets are Sans variants, who still live underground, but are now "all up" with him.

"I'm loco think I'm so cold

I stay stunting ain't no going back"

Error doesn't see himself as a hypocrite, since he destroys "worthless" anomalies despite being one, but instead as anomaly #1, aka first place. he is also a maniac, and cannot go back to being Sans or Geno because he is an error.

"Now they ask where QiQi's at

I'm like 'you can't hang with that'"

"Qiqi" in this context is supposed to be referring to the singer themselves, but in context of Error, it could be him talking about Ink. i believe it was comyet who said that if Ink and Error did know each other, they would probably be friends, and because of Ink's role as a protector, forgetfulness, and lack of empathy, the average person probably couldn't or want to continue hanging with him. "Qiqi" could still be Error, however, since Error hasn't had any real friends since being Sans, and finds himself superior to others.

now if only i could animate...

[fauzhee10069]

Decided to redraw a scene from SBR, for my crack ship (rare pairing) in FF7, sephirus.

It’s ABO AU with arranged marriage theme, they were in their late teens. Since I’ve played FF7 First Soldier, I used a military-issue long coat for Sephiroth and PS1 design for Rufus in the flashback.

Also, this ship is not meant to be healthy with happy ending, I warned you.

For the full story, just keep reading (you’re not obliged to read it though)...

Let's begin with... Sephiroth x Rufus, I call it "sephirus" for short, it's actually my OTP despite it's being highly unpopular rn, as until now they don't (have a chance to) interact at all.

But I can't help, my reason is that... sephirus will be the OP pair, Sephiroth the war hero and strongest being in FF7 verse whereas Rufus in a different way has the power as well in FF7 verse (being the heir and later President of Shinra Inc. afterall). Other reason is that Rufus' highest priority in FF7 story post his 'ascension' is chasing and stopping Sephiroth at any cost, rather than building 'moar power' like his father did.

Then with ABO element, I like the idea of O!Rufus leading Turks as his pack, and I have been influenced by an ABO  fic "Day 4: Pack" when O!Cloud also rules the SOLDIERS pack. I want to implement this in my fanfic idea as well. Though in my mind, I'd like the idea of all Turks & SOLDIERS as the alphas instead of mixed dynamics.

Yeah, so it's about A!Sephiroth and O!Rufus, I want to start them as "forgotten childhood friends", I've found fellow tumblr user who has nice idea that Sephiroth & Rufus were childhood friends in the past, Papa Shinra sometimes brought Rufus to Hojo's lab & he accidentally met Sephiroth there, befriended.

According to remake timeline, Rufus should be slightly older than Sephiroth now, Rufus being born as Omega disappointed his dad, that's why he used to belittle his son according to OTWTAS: Episode Shinra.

Later, Sephiroth was born. Sephiroth is considered to be Hojo's "masterpiece" and Papa Shinra regarded him as his "golden boy", plus... he is an Alpha.

Then this idea comes, that Papa Shinra & Hojo agreed to betroth Sephiroth & Rufus because why not? For Papa Shinra, it will bring an outstanding publicity stunt for Shinra and boost his company's image in the future. A union between war hero and Shinra's heir is a dreamed union ever. For Hojo, it could be just him being ambituous and getting closer to Shinra... idk. Plus, he might be wish for Sephiroth to reproduce, he needs to know more about his specimen. For that, Hojo needs a womb, and Omega has the best womb.

Though, to be honest, 'sephirus' can't have that normal & healthy relationship, it'll be always toxic at one point. Prior to FF7 and Crisis Core, Sephiroth was this good boy with righteous moral, but Rufus was already that manipulative bastard and corrupted thanks for his dad's upbringing. He was manipulating Sephiroth in the past. By the way, although Sephiroth was still sane at the time, he was already possessive at heart (to Rufus).

I don't know whether they eventually married or not, but at least they had sex at some point. Flashforward to Sephiroth's madness, Rufus lost his leash over him. And what Cloud did to him during his madness, Sephiroth began to obsess with him.

sephirus unofficially breaks up, but in public they're still technically engaged (or married). Sephiroth was declared dead as in canon, so it looks like Rufus became a widow.

However, when 'Sephiroth' comes to kill Papa Shinra, it is rumoured that he did it for Rufus.

And it is not known whether Rufus eventually fell for Sephiroth.

Up to here, I don't have a clear idea anymore, but the end-game pairs would be 'sefikura' ... or 'barukura'/'zakura' and 'tsengru' ... or 'Rufus x Turks'.

The irony of sephirus would be that when it was about Rufus' manipulating good boy Sephiroth, now the tide has turned. As Rufus rediscovered his empathy and Sephiroth fell into the madness, it becomes about good guy Rufus' stopping the calamity which is Sephiroth.

Now let's talk about the babies, I have the idea to turn cancelled!Stella Nox Fleuret into Stella Shinra, she would be the daughter of sephirus. Born in September 4th [ μ ] - εγλ 1997 (she will be 10 years old in remake timeline), her birth will be spectacular as the sole Shinra heir, the Alpha female and (technically) Jenova's granddaughter.

Then about sefikura's babies, I think I will just follow Goddess of Royalty’s ABO version of 'Cloud is the Remnants Carrier' Verse.

My FF7 ABO world-building:

All Turks are Alpha, because sometimes they need pheromone and Alpha's growl for intimidation (usually during bodyguarding) but mostly they pose as Beta, using scent blocker (for espionage purpose).

All scientists are Beta, except Grimoire, Hollander and Hojo (which makes them Alpha). And that's how Hojo considers Omega as 'treasure'.

Omega male has better tolerance to mako than Omega female, but they are very rare in number (hence, even Cloud's mako intolerance is still considered better than how Omega female would reacts).

There is no written dynamic requirement to join SOLDIERS, but there is also hidden rule that they will dismiss Omega. It is just coincidence that the ones who make it into First Soldiers are all Alpha, while most Third ranked are Beta.

Cloud is a late bloomer, he actually was presenting during Nibelheim's incident.

So yeah, it's more or less like that for now. Thank you for reading this, have a nice day!

[ichayalovesyou]

Why Bones & Spock NEED Each Other (Grief)

So over my tenure in this fandom I’ve seen some one sided stuff about Bones being mean to Spock, and vice versa and I’m like

Thing is y’all: You’re both right, but you’re also both wrong!

Bones is mean to Spock you’re right! But you know what? That’s a good thing!

Spock is mean to Bones because of course he is! And guess what? That’s also a good thing!

They both need it, and they can only get it (safely) from each other! What they have is (in a weird way) healthy! But it’s only healthy for these two specifically because they understand each other so well!

Prime examples? Somebody has died or gone missing (usually Jim)!

Let’s talk about how Spock & Bones grieve!

Let’s address how each character (generally) moves through the 5 stages of grief

Bones: Anger, Denial, Depression, Bargaining, Acceptance

Spock: Bargaining, Denial, Depression, Anger, Acceptance

They are each individually perfectly equipped to handle each other’s grief (or refusal to grieve)!

Bones initial reaction to death is usually Anger, he blames himself and anyone in proximity. Quickly followed by a weird form of denial, in which he doesn’t deny someone is dead, but he denies that other people think the person is gone and that they felt it when it happened because he’s dunked so hard under his own grief his usually high empathy has switched off.

Now, Bones is highly familiar with grief as a medical professional (and having lost his father). He establishes how important and deeply believes in that process in And The Children Shall Lead.

I think Bones is acutely aware of how he grieves, and is equally aware that throwing these feelings out at just anybody could really hurt them.

But Spock isn’t just anybody, he’s a (half) Vulcan, it’s like shouting at a brick wall, Bones knows Spock can take it. I also believe Spock understands that this state is temporary, which is why he handles it with such grace.

What happens when Bones isn’t able to go off at (not truly “on”) Spock is that Bones keeps that anger to himself and gets bordering-on-suicidal (Depression phase of grief). It happens in Miri (self injection), For The World is Hollow & I Have Touched The Sky (trying to stay behind), and The Empath (the whole freakin episode). Jim is good for comfort, but Spock is good for a slap in the face reality check.

They both know that. It’s why they’re still friends despite how much shit they throw at each other

Not only that, but Bones (almost) ALWAYS apologizes, from their worst fights I can rattle off:

“They were wrong, and I was wrong I’m sorry” (Paradise Syndrome)

“Pawns huh? Well if it makes any difference, this pawn is extremely sorry.” (Day of The Dove)

“Spock I- I’m sorry, it does hurt doesn’t it?” (The Tholian Web)

And that’s not including implied/non-verbal apologies.

Bones needs Spock to help him grieve because otherwise he’s gonna take an emotional nosedive toward attempted Martyrdom. Spock’s stoicism punctured by occasional genuiness helps Bones move to the Bargaining stage (making peace with Spock and everything that’s happened) and later Acceptance.

The inverse of this is also true so let’s address how Bones uses his belligerent nature to jump start Spock’s healthy grieving process!

Bones grieving style (and his confrontational nature in general) is uniquely suited to make Spock honor his Human side, his emotions in the matter. Because we know a softer touch (like Jim’s) while more comfortable for Spock, seldom cracks open that wall of emotional repression unless Jim’s in danger.

Bones doesn’t give a shit, and that ultimately a good thing! Both he and Spock constantly need to be directly shoved against their default reactions to interpret things in a balanced way, which is why they’re perfect for each other.

Without Bones, Spock would never let himself grieve, ever. We also know that, more deeply than Spock, Bones understands grief and how to move through it, he’s familiar with loss (which is why I think he’s so quick to accept someone is dead whenever it happens, it’s the reaction of someone whose had to lose a lot of people and is more comfortable grieving than hoping). There’s a lot of evidence for this in Gamesters of Triskellion & Return To Tomorrow.

He also honors Spock’s human half a lot more than Spock does, it’s one of the fundamental power sources for Bones & Spock’s “the racism’s mutual” banter. And it is mutual, I feel like people forget how often Spock compares modern humans to the worst examples of their/his ancestors and treats them as inferior out of internalized hatred and the general xenophobic attitudes of Vulcan culture. Bones of course responds in kind, usually in cockamamy insults, he’s not as well versed in Vulcan history as Spock is in Human. Although I admit Bones does start it a lot, I think arguing accounts as a love language for him lmao.

So when Bones sees Spock trying to stunt and stifle his grieving process, especially since Bones knows he’s at least partly human and it is affecting Spock’s judgement, it hits literally ALL of Bones nerves.

Bones uses reverse psychology to get Spock to admit he is human and he has feelings ALL THE TIME especially where Jim is concerned. Bread & Circuses, The Immunity Syndrome, The Tholian Web & Requiem for Methuselah!

Spock will absolutely refuse to grieve or at least move on from the self-destructive bargaining/denial loop he gets trapped in unless Bones smacks him around a little. Just like how Bones will get self-destructive unless Spock recenters him via logic.

Again, I think on a subconscious level they both know that, and it’s why they never take each other’s smack downs to heart.

An excellent example, Chekov’s “death” in Spectre of The Gun:

Spock isn’t grieving, but everyone else is, Spock was close to Pavel but isn’t letting himself feel it, which could later backfire. Bones is currently grieving, but there’s no time to grieve because they’re all gonna die in 20 minutes if they don’t find a solution to their dilemma.

Transcript & Breakdown:

Bones: You talk about another man’s [Jim’s] feelings? What do you feel Spock?!

Are you grieving? He was like son to you you’re not acknowledging it, again.

Spock: My feelings are not subject for discussion Doctor.

No, and I’m not going to, leave me alone.

Bones: Because there are are no feelings to discuss!

Well I’m grieving! And I’m gonna reverse psychology your Vulcan ass until you start your grieving process so that I can move on!

Scotty: Mr. Spock Chekov is dead! I say it now and I can hardly believe it, but you worked closely with him! That deserves some memorial!

Bones: Spock will have no truck with grief Scotty, it’s human.

Alright, that first comment didn’t work, maybe “insulting” him will get that thick head of his to acknowledge his feelings.

Jim: Bones! Scotty!

Spock: It’s quite alright Captain, they forget I am half human.

Fine, yes I am grieving for Pavel in my own way. Are you satisfied Dr. McCoy?

Bones: [looks surprised and thoughtful, satisfied with Spock’s answer]

Wow, you said you were human without any disgust this time... huh... good job.

Scotty:[looks ashamed]

The 5 o’clock duel bell rings.

[cheshiresense]

[Last Part]

Can't have a Yuzu POV without a Karin POV lol~

-0-

Karin makes it back before curfew with fifteen minutes to spare. Their brother had extended hers and Yuzu's curfew to 10pm since they'd hit their double-digits, and she's always been mindful to never break it. Yuzu isn't usually one to stay out late, but Karin likes her freedom to wander around without supervision enough that she isn't going to risk a grounding just because she couldn't be bothered to check the time. Besides, she knows kids her age don't get half as much trust or leeway from their guardians, so Karin isn't going to disappoint Ichigo's expectations by not following the few rules he'd set for them.

Not to mention she has exactly zero faith in her own ability - or honestly anyone else's - to slip under her brother's radar anyway. Only an idiot would think they could, and Kurosaki Karin wasn't raised a fool. Sneaking in late isn't even worth considering.

So she's back by 9:45 sharp, and she unlocks the apartment door to reveal a scene in the sitting room that's not entirely unfamiliar ever since dinner last Tuesday.

"Shoes," is Ichigo's greeting, and Karin immediately rallies.

"I rinsed them!" She insists defensively. "Thoroughly!"

She had. Karasu River, specifically that spot where their mother had died so everyone's avoided it ever since like they might get cursed if they stray too close, is a great place to get rid of evidence.

"And now you're thoroughly tracking water through the door," Ichigo points out dryly, which, oh yeah, she is, whoops.

Karin makes a vaguely sheepish face before quickly toeing out of her sneakers and leaving them outside to dry instead. Just her luck that Yuzu dropped a vial of her newest poison yesterday and burned a hole straight through the entryway doormat, and they haven't had a chance to replace it yet.

She shuts the door, drops her duffel bag against one wall, and ambles over to her brother for a hug and a cup of tea from the fresh pot on the kotatsu. Or rather, Ichigo goes about pouring her one while she slumps into his side with a content, if tired, sigh.

Ichi-nii has never really been one for hugs, even when she and Yuzu had been smaller, and that's no different now. Occasionally, on a birthday or new year or when - very rarely - something had made them cry, he'd dole one out to each of them, stiff and a little awkward, but genuine in a way Karin knows he'd had to learn just for them, and that alone had made it precious. Besides, he's never refused their hugs when they take the initiative to go in for one, and Karin knows full well that anyone else would be thrown across the room or tossed out a window, Mizuiro included, so that's just as good even if Ichigo doesn't often return them.

She leans against him now, and he endures it stoically, handing her tea and also casting a surreptitious eye over her for any signs of injury. There are none of course— Karin's been learning how to protect herself ever since her brother had become the undisputed head of the household, even if Isshin still remains determinedly blind to anything related to his son to this day. And on top of that, Ichigo's long since ensured their safety from most lesser predators in this town, so it's not as if they have anything to worry about.

Of course, there are still morons who slip through Ichigo's iron-fisted oversight - or rather, are allowed to slip through - either because they're new to Karakura or they're lured in from a neighbouring town, all of them deemed harmless enough prey for Karin and Yuzu to play with. They make for wonderful test subjects for Yuzu when she's getting creative again, and very convenient outlets for Karin whenever soccer and karate aren't enough to siphon off her excess energy. Unlike Yuzu, Karin really isn't made to sit still or stay indoors all day.

She blinks when Ichigo jostles her out of her thoughts with a nudge and a succinct reminder, "Greet."

Karin's pretty sure there's some kind of What Manners And Social Norms To Teach Your Kids So They Can Fit Into Society self-help book squirrelled away in Ichi-nii's room somewhere. Possibly even a series. Of course, her brother certainly doesn’t follow his own lessons on conduct, but this is one of those things that Ichigo has always implicitly expressed his preference for her and Yuzu to ‘do as I say, not as I do'.

So Karin can only swallow a forbearing grumble along with her tea before nodding curtly across the table, "Good evening, Hirako-san, Urahara-san."

Ichigo's already turned back to some papers in front of him, because bright side— her brother's number of fucks to give begins and ends with the most perfunctory of civilities, so at least Karin doesn't have to waste time on small talk. Yuzu, her crazier half, is the only one of them who actually enjoys that stuff. Karin sometimes can't believe they're related.

"Brat," is Hirako's response, and his voice says amusement but his eyes say caution. Well, amused caution, but Hirako seems to find almost everything a little funny, and it's not even some weird bravado because his reiatsu manifestation is constantly a glittering field of yellow-gold-blue that takes the form of a sunny beach. Usually.

On the other hand— "Good evening, Kurosaki-san," Urahara returns, perfectly polite, with a perfectly pleasant if distracted smile, perfectly suited for someone who's genuinely glad to see an acquaintance's sister home safe. Except his reiatsu manifestation is a fucking ocean of blood, deep and dark and completely still on the surface no matter what he says or does. The only times Karin's seen even just a ripple in it is when Ichigo is talking. Her brother at least seems to have a knack for taking Urahara off-guard. Nobody else though, and the external mimicry of human reactions - no matter how expertly crafted - doesn't impress Karin one bit when she can see the disconnect between his insides and outsides.

So she snorts and goes back to ignoring them both. Since the dinner last week, these two have come back a couple more times, mostly meeting with Ichigo for something or other, probably a ghost-related problem, with Urahara also dropping off a stack of books and scrolls for Yuzu, and they seem like they'll be sticking around for a while. But until Ichigo tells her that they're going to be part of the family, like Mizuiro, Karin's not going to waste her time on getting to know them. Honestly, just by dint of being people, and worse, troublesome ones, means that they're more likely to get themselves offed at the business end of Ichigo's swords than anything else.

"Ichi-nii," She says instead. "I have another away game on Friday. Can you sign me out of class?"

Ichigo makes a noise in the affirmative. "Leave the form on the kitchen table before you go to bed. Is it in Naruki City again?"

"Yeah," Karin makes a face. "Back-to-back matches against Hiromasa. Dunno why they even bother when they're not serious about it anyway. And they're so annoying. We always kick their asses but they still look down on us cuz I'm a regular on the team. What, a girl can't play soccer now? But we literally run the score up into the double digits every time we play and all they say is that they were going easy on us cuz we've got girls on the team!"

She stops and takes a deep breath. She's actually complained about this before, multiple times, ever since she'd turned nine and been deemed old enough - and tall enough - to play in official matches. Or as official as elementary school club competitions can get anyway, and being able to play against other schools was awesome, but that didn't mean some of their opponents weren't dickheads. At least she'll finally enter middle school next year and probably won't ever bump into this particular group of idiots on the field again, but until then, she's no doubt going to complain some more.

And her brother always listens with the sort of patience he wouldn't extend to anyone else's whining, which Karin likes to take shameless advantage of, but on occasion, she also needs other ways to vent, and that was really what today had been all about after enduring last Friday's game.

Right on cue, Ichigo asks without looking up, "Haven't you gotten it out of your system yet?"

Karin huffs and takes another long drought of tea before speaking. "Kind of? But the guy didn't even put up a fight! He even pissed himself, Ichi-nii! Before I even did anything! It was gross!"

Ichigo finally lifts his head just to level a look at her. "You play with your food too much."

Karin stares indignantly back at him. "I do not!"

"How long have you had your eye on this latest one?"

Since like, three weeks ago, but that's not Karin's fault! "It's not my fault he took forever to take the bait. You'd think it would've been easier with the way he stalked my jogging route every single day just to see me in a tank top and shorts. Besides, I was saving him for after last Friday's match! You know, as a treat."

"And now it's already Tuesday," Ichigo mutters, but he also pats her on the head in a vaguely comforting if condescending manner, like he's consoling her for a botched job.

Karin splutters. "Ichi-nii!"

Ichigo smirks briefly. "You're still young. You'll get better. There's no rush."

Karin pouts into her tea. Eleven - literally twelve in less than half a month! - isn't that young. She's definitely not a kid anymore. Ichigo was already scaring the crap out of half the town before he'd even hit his pre-teens. He hadn't even killed anyone yet back then but people twice his size would pick fights with him that he'd always win, and then he had started killing once he'd turned thirteen, which had only cemented his reputation. Karin and Yuzu had had to beg forever to get their brother to teach them some of the tricks of his trade, because they hadn't wanted to wait years to follow in Ichigo's footsteps, and Ichigo had thankfully agreed that it made sense for them to learn how to protect themselves.

Still, no matter how many bodies she and Yuzu have put in the ground - not that many actually, they've got a long way to go to catch up to Ichigo - Karin isn't so oblivious that she doesn't know that a good portion of the respect they receive these days is entirely down to their brother's looming shadow behind them. But everyone needs a goal or two in life, and one day, she wants people to look at her and flinch because she's scary enough all on her own.

"Did you clean up properly tonight?" Ichigo adds like an afterthought.

Karin rolls her eyes. "I would've called you if there was a problem. You know I have like three different cleanup crews and Mizuiro-nii on speed-dial."

She can't wait until she's tall enough to bag and carry adult corpses around on her own. It's embarrassing to have to call someone every time she - okay, she admits it - makes a bit of a mess. It's not an issue when Ichigo is there, and she just has to help him, but when she's alone, it pays to have extra hands in the aftermath, even if it feels kind of like she still has to be babysat.

"Cleanup crews?" Hirako suddenly interjects from where he's just been watching them and listening like he's never heard a single conversation in his life and it's somehow super fascinating. What a weirdo. "Where'd ya get those from?"

Karin squints at him. Why does he want to know? Shinigami old as dirt still don't know how to do their own cleanup?

"They're just local yakuza," Ichigo actually takes the time to answer, which seems exceptionally tolerant of him. He must really like this guy for some reason. "Someone always has some free time to lend a hand, and they don't mind sharing their dump sites."

Hirako arches an eyebrow. "They don't?"

Ichigo smiles lazily at him. "Not anymore."

Hirako stares at him for a beat longer before bursting into raucous laughter, except the sunny beach from before is shifting, sliding, fucking shimmering, and then it's no longer a beach even if it's still a field of yellow-gold-blue. Instead, sand dunes rise where there'd only been wild grasses and rocky outcrops before, an endless desert as far as the eye can see, while the sea isn't a sea at all but something that could be an oasis or just a mirage, now gone hazy behind a wave of heat, and all of it so deceptive and deadly that you might wonder how you could've ever mistaken it for anything remotely harmless at all.

And it's even worse beside him, because Urahara is sitting there, blandly smiling away from behind his fan, and he doesn't look much of anything, but the ocean of blood he's literally submerged in stirs for a minute like there's something large and lethal swimming in its depths. Karin can't see what it is though because the blood is so thick that she can barely even make out Urahara's face, let alone anything else.

She rubs at her eyes. They're giving her a headache. This is why she prefers baseline humans over ghosts. Ghosts naturally have more reiryoku than average living beings, and Shinigami have even more than that - way more - so Karin in turn sees a whole lot more than just flashes of transparent images when she has to look at them. And it would be bad enough if it was just that, but these two lie so much. She doesn't know if it's a Shinigami thing or Ichigo just attracts complications, although now that she thinks about it, Mizuiro had given her headaches at first too. It'd just been easier with him because when he'd started coming over to hang out, he didn't have anywhere near as much reiryoku as these two guys, and now Karin's just used to him so it doesn't much matter anymore.

But these two. She doesn't even know what Hirako's deal is, because as far as she's aware, he hasn't really lied about anything so far. His insides match his outsides, so to speak. But his manifestation also seems to imply that everything he says is as much a truth as it is a lie, or that it could be a lie just as much as it could be a truth, depending on the situation. Which doesn't make any sense, at least not to her.

And don't even get her started on Urahara. That man oozes shady vibes so it's not exactly a shock that his manifestation reflects that. It's just... who the heck has an ocean of blood representing their soul? It's not the fact that it's blood that confuses her; it's that the blood is all there is. Even if you kill a person a day for a thousand years, it can't be all that you are, right? Even Ichigo doesn't have something like that. Although to be fair, his reiatsu manifestation can probably come across as pretty disturbing too. But Karin basically grew up with it so she can't really say for sure. It's certainly never frightened her. Not that Urahara frightens her either. It's just... weird.

Both of these old dudes are so weird. They're the first people she's come across whose manifestations are as complex as her brother's, but she doesn't really know what she can interpret from them because manifestations are different from emotions, and besides that, emotions are her sister's wheelhouse anyway. Yuzu is the one who can pick up what someone is feeling at any moment and extrapolate from there. Karin just gets a bunch of pointless shitty abstract art shoved at her eyeballs, and Shinigami are clearly the worst about it.

And just to make it really unfair, Yuzu says that emotions rarely get too loud for her. Karin doesn't know if it's because her sister had been born with natural talent when it comes to controlling her ability while Karin... hadn't, or if Karin's ability encompasses so much of one of the senses she depends on most in everyday life that it simply affects her more easily, but either way, if the manifestation is a powerful one, then the longer she focuses on it, the more it can overwhelm her.

It'd been almost unbearable at first when she was younger, all of eight years old and finally tapping into her portion of the family inheritance, except even a glimpse of another student with slightly above average reiryoku levels could wipe her out for hours. There'd been days where Ichigo had had to pull her out of school just so she wouldn't have to see anyone, living or dead, and she'd needed almost six months before she'd gotten a proper handle on it.

During last Tuesday's dinner, she actually couldn't even see what Hirako and Urahara's faces looked like until near the end of it. Their reiatsu is just that strong, which means their manifestations appear completely solid and three-dimensional, and that means that those manifestations are the only things Karin sees most of the time when she has to look at them.

She doesn't even get the benefit of practically being able to read minds like Yuzu can. Although Yuzu always says it's nothing like reading minds. Karin remains unconvinced. Emotions can reveal a lot, especially with context clues. Manifestations on the other hand almost never react to whatever is happening in real time. Unlike emotions, they're rarely a consequence of outside stimuli. Hirako's had changed earlier, from illusory beach to the real desert hidden underneath, but that's because his manifestation has always been like that, switching between the two when the mood - his mood - strikes. Even now, it's already settling back onto the beach scene. It may have been somewhat affected by what Ichigo had said - by cleanup crews??? - but it hadn't shown anything that hadn't already been there, part of Hirako's soul.

In contrast, Urahara's the real outlier. Karin doesn't even want to think about his manifestation, never mind look at it. It's not that his soul has become something new either - the whole person would have to be swapped out for that to happen - but she's never met anyone, ever, whose manifestation seems to hinge so absolutely upon one person before. She's not even sure if Urahara is aware of how... fixated he is. And she definitely doesn't know what it means. Ichigo doesn't even like the guy, and Urahara - inside or outside - doesn't seem particularly hung up on Ichigo. Except of course for the little matter of how his actual-facts immortal soul is doing the near-equivalent of placing itself in the palm of Ichigo's hand, which- what. Didn't they just meet like two seconds ago? If Karin actually believed in love at first sight, she'd say this might be what it would look like if it could manifest a physical form in the creepiest way possible, but she doesn't, so to her, Urahara's just insane.

Anyway, no one can blame her for not wanting anything to do with these crazies, especially when coupled with her ability. She wouldn't give it up if she could, because it's hers, and it makes her special like Yuzu, like Ichi-nii, makes her part of the family in a way no one else but the three of them can be, but at the same time, it's honestly a pretty useless skill. Manifestations are just... portraits of souls laid bare, which sounds all kinds of impressive and philosophical but is actually just a fancy way of describing a lifetime of squatting in an art museum with all its exits sealed.

It's terrible all around, made doubly so by their houseguests, and in Karin's opinion, the sooner Ichigo gets tired of them, the better.

The room has gone silent, and Karin only notices when the mostly empty tea mug is plucked from her hand. She's pinching the bridge of her nose with her other hand, eyes closed, but she opens them then to peer up at her brother.

"It's getting late," Ichigo says without much inflection in his voice, but he also pats her head again, and a flare of reiatsu floods her retinas like cold spring water on a hot day, washing away the pain. "Go to bed. Lights out by eleven."

Karin's more than happy to get out of there, away from Less Crazy 1 and More Crazy 2.

"Mm, I know," She gives her brother a quick hug before clambering to her feet. "'Night, Ichi-nii. I'll leave the form in the kitchen."

Ichigo grunts his acknowledgement, and Karin spares a moment to nod in the general direction of the Shinigami before wandering away, pausing only long enough to scoop up her bag before making her way up the hall and to the master bedroom. She and Yuzu still prefer sharing each other's space even though Yuzu is fastidiously possessive about her own belongings, so Ichigo had given them the biggest room when they'd moved in, while he and Mizuiro had split the single and study-turned-bedroom between them. The best perk of this is of course the fact that she and Yuzu get the en suite bathroom to themselves.

Her sister is still up, bopping to some music on her headphones while reading one of the scrolls Urahara had given her. She barely glances up when Karin comes in, although she wrinkles her nose plenty when it's clear Karin hasn't had time to do her laundry.

Karin rolls her eyes and shuts the door behind her. "I won't leave anything lying around, don't faint."

Yuzu glowers at her. "I don't faint!"

Karin snickers as she ducks into the bathroom. "Whatever you say, princess."

The thud of a pillow hitting the bathroom door is her reply. It's actually pretty hilarious when Karin thinks about it. Yuzu's manifestation is a sterile white room lined with perfectly preserved faceless corpses wall to wall, but give her a human body with its guts spilling out, and she immediately runs for the nearest toilet. She doesn't mind the scent of blood, but gods forbid any stains linger where they shouldn't.

Speaking of, Karin digs out the set of clothes she'd changed out of earlier, after her stalker had been dealt with. She hadn't even gotten them very dirty this time, and she'd made sure to scrub everything clean in the river anyway before coming home, but she'll still have to toss them into the washer again if she doesn't want Yuzu nagging her about it. In the meantime, she shoves it all into a vacuum seal bag and leaves it in the corner. She can haul them over to the laundry room next door in the morning with the rest of the past week's load.

Her knives are tucked inside the duffel as well. Those she'll take care of tonight. Ichi-nii went all the way to Nagasaki to commission them for her from a semi-retired blacksmith last year. They're elegant and gorgeous, and they cut like a dream, sheathed in black leather and embossed with a small stylized K on the flat of each blade, only noticeable when the metal runs red. It's the best gift Karin has ever received, and if they ever rust, or she ever loses them, she'll probably bawl her eyes out.

She hops into the shower next, sighing happily as she relaxes under the hot water. Despite the atrocious company Ichigo keeps these days, today's still been an overall good day. She'll be able to go back to her jogging in peace starting tomorrow, and the upcoming match on Friday doesn't seem quite as irritating now that she's had someone to stab a time or ten. Of course, after the match is another matter entirely. Maybe she can tag along to Yuzu's bake sale on Saturday. There's always a couple suckers at the outskirts of Karakura too stupid to live.

It's something to look forward to. For now though, she finishes her shower, brushes her teeth, and then gets to work cleaning her knives. She doesn't have all night.

"Was Onii-chan still talking to Hirako-san and Urahara-san?" Yuzu asks a little later as they get ready for bed because their brother always knows if they stay up too late.

"Yeah," Karin says around a yawn as she sets her alarm. "They might still be out there. Can't you sense them?"

Yuzu shakes her head, leaning over to switch off the lamp on her nightstand. "They're... quiet, I guess. Quieter. I have to be in the same room as them to pick up on their emotions."

Karin hums as she rolls herself into her blankets. "What do you think about them?"

"I don't, really," Yuzu admits easily, so they're agreed on that at least. "Although if Onii-chan gets rid of them, I hope he can wait until after Urahara-san has finished teaching me."

Karin snorts. Typical.

They're silent for a moment until Yuzu speaks up again. "I think they're trouble. I mean, Onii-chan did mention it during dinner last week. But I think it's a different kind of trouble than the usual stuff. Not like yakuza or random creeps or even the monsters. Worse, I think they're going to bring trouble."

Karin frowns into the dark. Well, it's not anything she hasn't thought of herself. It's another reason why she dislikes them. If they've got problems, why do they have to dump them at Ichigo's doorstep? What have they ever done for Ichi-nii?

Still, "Ichi-nii will be able to handle it," Karin says with certainty. She's never known her brother to fail at anything. There has never been a problem Ichigo couldn't solve. He'd even cowed their father without ever laying a single hand on him, and that was back when Isshin had still been stronger than Ichigo.

"Well, obviously," Yuzu says, equally confident. "Maybe Onii-chan will even have some fun with it. I know the monsters don't give him any kind of challenge anymore. And he likes Hirako-san and Urahara-san well enough."

"He likes Hirako," Karin corrects, shooting a flummoxed look at the bed across the room. "Urahara, he could take or leave. I'm surprised Ichi-nii lets him come here at all."

"Yes," Yuzu says with an audible smile. "Onii-chan lets him come here."

Karin blinks. ...Huh.

"So, what, is it like... a crush?" Karin grimaces. Ew. "They're old and weird!"

Yuzu giggles. "I don't think I'd go that far. Yet. Besides, they're also powerful and interesting and not afraid of him, and you know what Onii-chan's like."

"Yeah, but I also thought Ichi-nii doesn't get crushes," Karin grouches. "I can't believe it's both ways."

"Both ways?" Yuzu echoes, and Karin can almost hear her eyes go wide. "Urahara-san too?"

Karin squints up at the ceiling. "What, you didn't pick that up from him? I mean I don't think it's actually a crush. Like you said. But there's something there."

"Urahara-san is a bit strange about Onii-chan," Yuzu agrees thoughtfully. "But I'm not exactly sure what it is. His emotions are hard to read sometimes. Hirako-san is easier. And nicer."

Karin makes a disgruntled sound. 'Nice' isn't how she'd put it, considering Hirako's reiatsu manifestation.

"Hirako-san isn't that bad," Yuzu says, amused. "And they're both kind of like Onii-chan, so that might be good. It's good to have friends."

Karin shrugs and grabs an extra pillow to hug. "Whether they're like him or not, if they do something dumb, Ichi-nii will handle it all the same."

Yuzu laughs, bright and cheerful and just a little anticipatory, even if she does seem to have a better opinion of them than Karin does.

The conversation between them fades away. Karin shuts her eyes and lets her thoughts drift. She has morning practice tomorrow and can't be late, so old weird men calling on her brother are frankly the least of her priorities.

[swampgallows]

is Garrosh autistic? I thought he is probably not neurotypical, but I do not know everything about the spectrum, or Garrosh, and you seemed well-versed with both (this page has gotten me hooked on him and after studying his character a bit I realized that we are basically the same person. Admittedly I thought it would be cool if we were both autistic too)

Wait idk if I wrote that making it sound like I wanted u to tell me that he was autistic, which was not the intention. I meant to ask, for your opinion if You thought that he was. My bad. - autistic at 5AM anon

while i might share some autistic traits, as far as i know i am not autistic. i know i am not neurotypical and have been diagnosed as such (namely chronic ptsd) but not as autistic. i don't like to get too public with my diagnoses but in this case i'm doing so because i don't want to speak for (or over) autistic people.

to say i'm "well-versed" with autism would only be because so much of my immediate network is autistic or otherwise neurodiverse that many traits seem just natural or commonplace to me, and are thus accommodated; as far as how autistic people compare to allistic people (especially in an allistic majority), i've been away from a typical NT society for so long that i've sort of lost touch.

autism itself has such a wide diversity of traits or "symptoms" that can overlap with so many other traits/conditions (the "sundae bar") that i personally find it difficult to distinguish whether some of my traits may be inherently autistic or part of something else. for instance, i experience sensory overload, but it is most likely due to ptsd, panic disorder, or my general anxiety. some resources for adhd and autism do help me, but i have found most are not really applicable to my experiences.

that being said, if you as an autistic person want to interpret garrosh as autistic, i feel like there is a lot about his characterization and lore that could fit that headcanon! he is canonically mentally ill, but many traits that i chalk up to his mental illness could easily overlap with autism:

he does not like to be touched or hugged (at least not by gallywix) [im sorry i dont have an exact citation, i believe this is in The Shattering] and does not show physical affection

he rarely wears shirts (a crop top in burning crusade, shirtless after cata) which you could interpret as sensory sensitivity

garrosh grew up in quarantine in garadar with the red pox, and has always had little visible hair. you can headcanon he might have stimmed by picking his skin or hair

although i know garrosh is overwhelmed by orgrimmar for cultural/personal reasons in Heart of War, i twist this into a sensory overload headcanon for my own devices

while he is a great strategist and warrior, he struggles as a diplomat and in compromise. in my own headcanon i attribute this to his life in quarantine leaving him a bit socially stunted (and traumatized), so he favors situations that call for logical deduction and in which there is a clear, unequivocal victor. i believe this will work for an autism headcanon as well

garrosh is known for his rousing, bold speeches and articulate written correspondence. he is also known for his lack of filter nor volume control. both could be evidence of his "scripted" interactions versus his natural ones

although negative, garrosh's perceived low empathy, aggression, and violent outbursts could be autistic traits, if you deem it appropriate or relevant to your experience. (by the same token, i want to avoid "passing the Unperson ball" and not insist that garrosh could be autistic and have these traits but not have them linked to autism, because realistically representing negative traits of neurodiversity/mental illness is also important.)

the elephant in the room however is that garrosh is a 1:1 extremely awful nazi allegory, and the horrible associations with neurodiverse and other disabled people, especially autistic people, run deep. one must not excuse racism or sexism or real life violence by blaming autism; in the same way i denounce the negative stereotype that mentally ill people are inherently violent. it is also a source of frustration that one of the few characters in warcraft that is mentally ill and could be perceived as autistic or neurodiverse also became a symbol of a real life force that sought to systematically exterminate us (and later, allegedly, inspired mass murder in the modern day).

you are free to interpret garrosh and his character as you wish, of course! but it is important to be aware of his canon characterization and the historical associations of neurodiverse traits with evil or disease (or even disease/illness as evil). seeing a contextless statement like "garrosh is autistic!" when he's primarily known for being "orc hitler" or "Making Azeroth Great Again" might understandably raise a few hackles is all. ultimately, just be conscious of how and where you assign garrosh's autistic traits so his villainy isn't excused by "autism made me do it". (see also: sylvanas windrunner's "ptsd made me do it")

anyone who is autistic is more than welcome to expand on this! there are also a few guides to autism and writing autistic characters here: (x) (x) (x) (x)

[elganac]

          self-indulgent,  ( mostly ) comprehensive, angel verse headcanon and lore dump for leah!

last edited: april 12th, 2022

part one: basic lore and notable traits and characteristics

         in this verse’s lore, some angels are humans reincarnated to be angels, and some are simply created and have never had a mortal identity tied to them. leah’s creation as an angel was a flawed reincarnation — it was soon realized that she still possessed many mortal flaws ( e.g. impulsivity, possessiveness, lust, selfishness ) that either existed when she was human or were somehow introduced in the process of her reincarnation. it was incredibly alarming to the archangels to see such a thing happen, and it was speculated that this incomplete purification was a result of some sort of sabotage, though it is unknown as to how or why it occurred.

         some took the new angel’s creation to be a sign that leah had some sort of inherent evil in her, which was why she still had “sinful” tendencies. man himself is imperfect however, and some in heaven took leah’s creation to be representative of the original sin, when adam and eve betrayed god in the garden of eden by listening to the serpent, such that she is symbolic of the sin all man enter the world carrying until they are cleared of it, like through baptism in catholicism.

         this assumption was supported with the fact leah seemed to have acted purely out of instinct in order to satisfy her own needs, her own decisions made with little regard to anyone else’s. this seemed to have suggested that she was in a primitive state of existing despite being divine. as such, the archangels made the collective decision to teach the new angel the ways of heaven in an attempt to educate her and limit how often she acted on instinct, imbuing in her a sense of empathy, responsibility, and modesty. all was done in the hopes of straightening her out, of “washing away” her sins.

        compared to other angels, leah is practically a baby due to how recent her creation was compared to others. there are physical differences between leah and the other angels that make it very apparent to anyone, mortal or otherwise, that something is off about her if they see her angel form. her wings are an off-shade of white and are much duller when compared to other angels. in certain lighting, it may even seem that her wings are a pale grey, and it’s most noticeable when she’s standing next to another angel. due to her age, her wings are small, but many angels wonder if the size of her wings also relate to the fact that she’s so stunted and premature in terms of how fit she is to carry out the duties of an angel. she’s very conscious of the state of her wings, and if attention is drawn to them, she will get very defensive about them.

         as mentioned earlier, leah’s driven by pure instinct – in other words, she’s very impulsive and will act on what feels good to her in the moment rather than what’s logical. this causes a lot of problems when it comes to her training since her training focuses heavily on self-discipline and control. to act off of instinct is considered primitive, and it leads to leah “misbehaving.” unlike what the other angels think, however, she’s far from corrupted or evil. while she will engage in behaviors that are usually looked down upon in her community of angels, such as sexual activities, she has no true desire to go against heaven’s teachings and overthrow the “system”. she has good intentions, but due to a selfishness in her, she cares little about what she’s supposed to do and focuses more on what she wants to do. so if heaven wants her to behave like an angel, it would have to make her want to rather than force its principles on her.

         being so young in age as well, she’s very childish and will behave as so. she’ll whine, she’ll pout, she’ll cry. she may even throw a tantrum if provoked enough. but she’s also very impressionable, which makes her vulnerable to being influenced by those who seek to do harm, either to her or those around her. while she lacks some understanding of morals, she does know that it’s wrong to hurt others, but she’s less aware of how much danger others can pose to her, especially those who hold more power than her. because of this childish nature of hers, she’s very likely to wander on her own and go off on adventure since she’s fearless, yet at the same time, she’s very naive and too trusting.

         because of her curiosity, leah adores going down to earth to interact with humans ( though her chaotic nature leads to her causing a lot of trouble when she’s down there ). when interacting with humans ( or anyone, really ), she lacks a clear understanding of social cues, meaning that she does not know how to read a situation and react appropriately in that situation. she really will just speak what’s on her mind even if it’s inappropriate, so some gentle coaching will be needed for her to understand what’s appropriate and what’s not.

         love is something she can understand and wishes to experience, and this isn’t just relevant to romantic love either. she wishes to spread positivity and develop meaningful relationships with those around her, even if the other is someone she technically should keep boundaries with. to love, for leah, is to care deeply about someone unconditionally, to want to see the other grow and be happy. it’s important to note that she has no concept of romance in the context of sexual relations, however, so when she gets intimate with others during those times where she seeks pleasure, it’s likely that she sees that interaction solely as one to satisfy carnal desires. for leah to love another person in this verse, there needs to be more than just physical attraction. physical attraction is enough for her to pique her interest, but she may want to pursue something simply physical at the very start unless more effort is made to get her to grow attached to your muse in a deeper way.

         a lot of what angel leah knows about interpersonal relationships and complex emotions like love comes from films, tv shows, books, ect that she somehow manages to get ahold of and experience while she’s hanging out in the human world. she questions how real it all is, but seeing how others react in certain situations has helped her to get a better grasp at her own emotions, especially when most of the time, she’s always content and doesn’t really change too much day to day.  she doesn’t really understand the nuances behind different types of relationships just yet, but when strong emotions are felt by her, she can assume that it’s more than just a familial or platonic kind of relationship, which she has experienced while in heaven.

part 2: why hasn’t she fallen? 

         so logically, angel leah should have been kicked out of heaven a long time ago just because of how strict rules and expectations are in heaven and all that jazz surrounding maintaining purity and abstaining from sin. logically, leah should have fallen the moment the archangels realized something went wrong in her creation, and even if they didn’t know something went wrong, the moment she went out and slept with someone would have certainly been her downfall. that’s how it should be going.

         instead, she’s been given an incredibly generous second chance at redemption and reformation that’s she absolutely wasting, but she makes enough of an effort to make it seem as though she still has the potential to change. at her core, angel leah doesn’t want to just give up being an angel; it’s not that she hates the lifestyle or feels disdain towards her peers. things aren’t ideal, but she’s still relatively proud to be an angel. this is why it would take a lot of convincing for her to give up being an angel entirely. her whole identity surrounds being an angel even if she doesn’t act like one, so to give that up is something incredibly scary for her even if the new lifestyle would be more freeing and fulfilling.

         so she wants to remain an angel, and yet she’s still so quick to sleep with someone or wander into hell? which are two things that an angel shouldn’t do? yeah – and she’s gonna get away with it for a while. what makes it complicated for the archangels to just make her fall is the fact that she’s so young compared to them. she’s still considered a child, and as such, this is like that phase where leah’s suppose to be figuring shit out and making mistakes and getting into trouble. it’s very annoying and bothersome for her superiors, but they’re at a standstill when it comes to whether or not they can vote her off the heavenly island, especially since this is the first time they’ve seen something like this in a new angel. they’ve already given her the chance to unlearn her flawed behavior, though, and they can’t take it back. not really, anyway. so basically, leah gets to fuck around for a bit, even if it pisses off literally everyone in heaven.

         but on the same vein – this means there are people who are literally waiting for her to fuck up so badly that they have no choice but to kick her out. what constitute that though? idk maybe murder or something actually criminal rather than just having sex most likely. getting involved with a demon romantically/sexually certainly has potential, but i imagine her superiors already saw that coming from like a mile away so it still falls into the “leah’s doing stupid shit again because she’s impulsive and can’t be bothered to listen to us” category rather than “you’re a terrible creature who’s poisoning heaven” category.

part 3: angelic abilities 

          important note: while she is an angel, leah’s far from op because she’s incredibly flawed, inexperienced, and kind of dumb lmao so she’s not really the all-powerful being a lot of media make angels out to be. still, she has some abilities that make her stronger than a human ( but still far weaker than most other beings ):

          object creation and manipulation: leah can will objects into creation from thin air and manipulate them ( e.g. moving a cup towards her so she doesn’t have to get up; snap her fingers and your laundry is folded ). sometimes object creation is unreliable if it’s a larger item, but small things are easy for her to create.

         altering appearance:  distinct from shapeshifting – leah can’t change her physical form to be that of another being or thing, but what she can do is change her outward appearance at will. this includes cosmetic changes ( e.g. hair or eye color, eye shape, height, ect ) and spontaneous wardrobe changes.

         flight: she purposely avoids showing off her wings on account of how much she dislikes them, but even without them visibly present, she possess the ability to float. with her wings, leah is able to fly to much greater heights and distances, which can help her travel to different locations on earth and between different realms.

         healing: very unreliable, but possible. with enough focus, leah’s able to heal wounds, or, if they’re very severe, slow bleeding until proper first aid can be administered. not recommended to rely on her to save your life because she’s so inexperienced that there’s no telling how well her powers can work.

         high tolerance: given how she’s not human, alcohol and drugs don’t affect her the same way as it would a person her size. they have little to no affect, actually, but she still chooses to have a drink now and then for the fun of social drinking. pain is something she can also tolerate fairly well, though it’s still unpleasant for her if it’s to a high and uncontrolled degree. still, physical pain does less damage to her than it would a human, so her limits extend much further than for a mortal.

         immortality: of course, death does not affect an angel the same way as it would a human. that isn’t to say there’s no way to kill an angel, but it’s significantly more difficult to. death by the hand of an archangel as punishment is something leah is acutely aware of, especially since she knows her creation threatens what her superiors try so hard to uphold. her existence is at the hands her superiors, but it’s perhaps more likely that she falls from heaven than be obliterated from existence.

part 4: angelic abilities [ lewd edition ]

          she’s a big participant in hook up culture, and she definitely has made a lot of friends with benefits over the years that she reconnects with whenever she’s in the area to visit them. while it’s inaccurate to say that she fears commitment, it’d also be inaccurate to say that she’s actively seeking love whenever she sleeps with someone. angel leah is, quite frankly, just not emotionally mature enough to make that nuanced distinction that exists between love, infatuation, and obsession, so it’s hard for her to know when she’s fallen for someone unless they go down a very clear cut path of “hey, do you want to be exclusive? i really want to spend my life with you.”

         anyway, here’s a look into what you can expect from my angel girl in bed 8):

         high pain tolerance and immortality: these two things were mentioned in the section before, but lemme tell you how they affect leah in the bedroom ( as if you can’t imagine ) — having a high pain tolerance means she can really endure rough play in the bedroom, and while extreme, uncontrolled infliction of pain ( like genuine torture ) will negatively affect her, consensual bdsm play typically doesn’t tend to be a problem for her. and seeing as how she can’t die through typical means, she doesn’t really have the same fear around risky activities, like choking, as normal leah. keep in mind though: just because leah can survive and endure really extreme sadomasochistic play, that doesn’t mean she’ll enjoy it if things are too intense.

         there are just some acts she doesn’t find the appeal in, like knifeplay that involves actually cutting the skin or wax play. she still has what she likes and what she doesn’t like in the bedroom even if she can allow someone to literally reenact their wildest fantasies with her, though angel leah typically is more experimental than normal leah on what she will and won’t do since she can do quite a bit more without repercussions.

        safe vs. unsafe sex: as an angel, she’s always understood how sex can lead to pregnancy due to how sex is seen as a means for procreation ( only ) in her heavenly teachings, and she can understand the concept of protection in situations where pregnancy ( and disease ) is unwanted. however, considering how it’s very unlikely that leah can bear her own biological children and how she can’t contract mortal diseases, she doesn’t really see the need for her to use protection. this leads to her engaging in what’s commonly seen as risky sexual behavior with a lot of people, and she generally does prefer unprotected sex because leah enjoys messy sex. that isn’t to say she’s anti-protection though; if her partner wants to use a condom, or if a mess just is super inconvenient for the time being for whatever reason, yeah let’s break out a condom!

         body hair: she can technically change her outer appearance, so i mean, she could choose to have or not have body hair if she wanted to for whatever reason. generally, though, she doesn’t like having body hair on her, and she hates pubic hair even more, so she definitely opts for a very clean, smooth look when it comes to her bikini area. sometimes, she’ll opt for very trimmed hair to change things up, but generally, you can expect her to look like she’s gotten a brazilian wax.

         gag reflex: echoing what i’ve said before about how angel leah can do more than what normal leah can, angel leah lacks a gag reflex. she’s just built differently; like does she really need one to begin with? these are the important questions to ask. jkjk — in all seriousness though, this just means angel leah won’t gag when she’s going down on a homie, or when a homie decides to be rougher with her when she’s got them in her mouth, though she can still get uncomfortable if things get pushed too far and that might make her upset if it comes out of the blue, so don’t do that!

         sensitivity and arousal: she really enjoys foreplay. she thinks that’s where most of the fun is, so she’ll never say no to foreplay even if, generally, it doesn’t take much for her to get aroused in the first place. a quickie really can be a quickie when it comes to her, but what’s the fun in always having quickies? she loves the back and forth of teasing that can come with foreplay and the intimate slow build up that foreplay can allow for, and considering how angel leah is a lot more sensitive to touch than normal leah, having her partner touch or kiss her all over really gets her going. moreover, if you ever get the privilege of seeing her wings while in bed, that’s not only her trusting you enough to be incredibly vulnerable in front of you, but that’s also her giving you permission to touch and play with her wings, which are also super sensitive. don’t pull on them though — she doesn’t have that many feathers to spare alskdlksa

[bpdeadd]

why do I keep seeing other ppl w bpd say they have high empathy? 

like for me my ‘empathy’ levels are very low - as it were, and they fluctuate depending on who I'm with (have cognitive empathy for someone but not affective etcetc), or what the situation is (tho usually the only time I can really show affective empathy is when the situation is similar to smth i’ve experienced), idk if thats a thing but I know for a fact I have quite low empathy to begin with, its just I make an effort now to try and be a bit more aware of things tho most of the time its faked (bc its almost like u know thats what yr supposed to do but u can’t rly ‘feel’ it so u just try and make an effort to do it and say a generic thing about what u think that person wants to hear, bc yr like trying to ‘stop’ them being sad) - but I don’t really agree w empathy being high in bpd, but then again ppl experience the disorder so differently, and I did grow up in an environment where no one showed any empathy towards each other, and it was a very hostile environment and every ‘kind’ act towards each other had ulterior motives, and was ‘fake’ so what do I know 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ (also usually gifts were a thing that were given all the time when u had upset someone, or when someone was sad or w/e bc I think ‘gifts’ make ppl happy so thats what my fam have done ???) empathy isn’t something I'm even familiar w to begin with bc in my family its ‘faked’ a lot of the time, but also very very low with everyone. or they just don’t show empathy towards each other. like no one in my family knows anything about how to understand or show care towards each other so??? 

the type of false empathy from my family was bc of manipulation tactics, or w/e but for me its like ‘I know its what I'm supposed to do, idk how to do it but I have to also think very carefully about what I should say and what I should do, and what I think that person wants me to say/ or do - also if ppl struggle w this as well watching lots of ‘dramas’ and see what those ppl are saying and doing to show ‘empathy’ and stuff also helps idk??? 

idk if this makes much sense bc empathy isn’t something I'm well versed in or know much about so?? I almost have a ‘child’ view on the world and a lot of other things bc my emotional and mental ‘growth’ was ‘stunted’ as it were - probably due to trauma/abuse and a lot of other things so also if ppl are wondering why I talk the way I do thats why I'm like mentally a 8/9 year old or smth and I'm always constantly in a child ego like state so idk lmao

is this a bpd thing idk or another pd thing ???????????? idk wtf lol

[yesfxckyxu]

Canon & Default Verse || Main Character Sheet

NAME: Jack Neverbore.

AGE: 18-24. (verse dependent)

DOB: March 28.

NATIONALITY: Japanese American.

SPECIES: human.

GENDER: male.

OCCUPATION: vigilante gang leader.

HEIGHT: 5'7".

HAIR: pitch black.

EYES: burnt umber.

FACECLAIM: Izaya Orihara & Ryo Nishikido.

Born and raised in New York, New York—Jack has become a cause behind the gang known as “Manic Rat Mayhem” ( MrM ). He created this gang out of bitterness towards humanity at first, but his childhood best friend, Caleb Shrines, convinced him that for the better he could cause a shift if he truly desired. Causing his gang to have two leaders, Caleb and himself.

Now the gang stands for revelation, purpose, and unresolved justice; also having unintentionally created a fan base alongside it for those who admire the acts the gang showcases to the world.

This gang did numerous tasks, on Jack's side: stopping gang fights, drug wars, drug dealing and intervening with the cop’s tasks when it came to certain homicides. On Caleb’s side, outside their normal attires, they would do errands for the nursing homes, helping elderly people cross the street and so forth. Both coming up to create a deal to start a ‘business’ with the homeless in mind.

The members themselves are known to be reckless outside the gang, them being known as delinquents and/or criminals to some. Others, however, don’t even have records as they are not known as such outside of the activities of others. Those others are known to be ‘good kids’, ‘kind souls’, and even more than ‘A+ students’.

Yet, they are seen hanging around each other nonetheless—despite what is commonly known as their friends in their personal social groups, before ever hanging around others as themselves. Causing disdain towards those who are known with the bad rep, which seem to only cause those ‘good kids’ to cling to their friends tighter.

However, the unknown reason for these people’s change of relationships can only be described as association to the calling of an unknown ad from unknown origin. All thanks to the leader himself and his underground dealings.

Jack is part of an American government experiment known as Case 404Nex, to where in his childhood days, he was severely neglected emotionally ( and is ). This caused him to be stunted in some ways to where he can have a hard time relating to people. Jack is known to be unpredictable and somewhat despicable when it comes to his past and present actions accompanied by thoughts.

He has been known to cause chaos in New York just out of pure boredom. As an example, would be pranking random civilians or causing out of the blue arguments, both to psychologically analyze the ‘victim’. As for him, he usually doesn’t see people as ‘human’ right away. This is mainly due to underlying mental illnesses, an almost irreversible consequence. And despite that, he does this to get to know the unsuspecting victim of his antics, it can also backfire on him when it comes to those underlying illnesses.

This experiment is to solely analyze, ( ironic with how jack treats others ), a human’s desire and need for emotional support; where they stand and how it affects their standing in social class, and cognitive empathy development. The question of what makes a human, a human.

Unintentionally, this caused Jack to finalize a delusion disorder called the “Defensive Actor Syndrome”, to where he believes he is somewhat in a “reality show”. Cameras and people watching him, people of the government alongside actors watching him since he has obtained files on his eighteenth birthday telling him that he was part of the experiment. Which is also part of the experiment itself, which he had soon figured out. This has caused him to be very unkind to certain strangers that heighten his paranoia.

[shxwmaster]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐭

Tagged by: @nightscng Tagging: @ilianchant @shadowsblades @lightsblade @sunrunnerrs @ladywindrunner

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME. Mathias Shaw

NICKNAME. Mat, Mattie don’t call him nicknames

GENDER. Cis Male

HEIGHT. 5′8″

AGE. ~45

ZODIAC. Virgo

SPOKEN LANGUAGES.  Common (fluent), Orcish (fluent), Thalassian (moderate), Dwarven (slow), Gnomish (passable), Zandali (slow), Goblin (passable), Azerothian Sign Language (fluent)

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR. Paprika red

EYE COLOR. Emerald green

SKIN TONE. Pale

BODY TYPE. Lithe, pulled taut like a wire, built like a ballerino

VOICE. Coarse, tired, like he gargles sawdust, but surprisingly gentle

DOMINANT HAND. Right handed (learned ambidexterity)

POSTURE. Straight, prim, posh, proper

SCARS. All sorts: blade gashes, arrows, gunshot wounds, bites and claws, broken bones, magical, surgical — most he doesn’t remember the story for.

TATTOOS. None

BIRTHMARKS. Left elbow bears a slight discoloration in the shape of a bean

MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). The handlebar mustache and hardened look. Scarcely blinks. Sees everything, blends and hides in everything. 

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH. Stormwind City

HOMETOWN. Old Town, Stormwind

SIBLINGS. None

PARENTS. Charlene Shaw & Jorach Ravenholdt (connection to father unknown to shaw)

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION. Spymaster, Assassin, Royal Bodyguard

CURRENT RESIDENCE. Stormwind City

CLOSE FRIENDS. Renzik, Fairwind, Valeera. Every other friend he’s had is dead now.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Verse dependent

FINANCIAL STATUS. Comfortable

DRIVER’S LICENSE. Yes

CRIMINAL RECORD. Shaw is above the law.

VICES. Pride, Wrath

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Gay

PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch

PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch

LIBIDO. Average

TURN ON’S. Anyone who can take command, bark orders, take the reigns over something, get a little mean. Leaders, mostly. Efficiency. Blade proficiency. Passion.

TURN OFF’S. Spinelessness, paladins/priests/religious tendencies, slobs, magical tendencies

LOVE LANGUAGE. Quality time & Words of affirmation

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.  Shaw is not accustomed to them, nor does he partake in them. Everyone is held at an arms length or further if he can help it, but if he finds someone he’s comfortable with, he’ll take the time to learn all of their habits, quirks and patterns, mirror their behavior when around them (either intentionally or by accident), and find confidence to share things he likes with them. For the most part though, he’s extremely guarded, and tends to forget to emote. He doesn’t believe he can ever really have a solid relationship again, or at least not one that’s fair to his partner, but my god does his touch-starved lonely gay ass want one. the yearning is strong. everything always ends up coming down to a landslide because of how pent up he gets

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. Footsteps by Caught a Ghost // Here’s my playlist for Shaw though!

HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. Whittling bird figures, watching the birds, mimicking birdcalls, drawing

LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. Right

PHOBIAS. Thalassophobia (fear of the ocean)

SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. Extremely high

VULNERABILITIES. Emotionally stunted, low empathy, socially inept at times, struggles to read genuine emotion, fearful of close contact, paranoid and can’t trust anyone, views every new place and person as a potential threat, insomniac, anxious, duty-bound