#stuff to get off my chest

[mattheo1]

Depression blog.

I hate my life.

I hate it.

I hate myself. I hate my parents. I hate my sisters. I hate everyone.

I'm so fucking miserable and everyone who swears they love me won't even help me.

I want to die but I still want to have a future.

I hate how I am. I hate being transgender. I fucking hate everything.

Why am I like this.

I'm so fucking angry. I'm so fucking angry at myself. I'm angry at my parents for everything they've ever done and everything they haven't done.

I hate myself for being like this. I hate that I'm like this.

I hate every adult who said they could trust me. I hate those adults they're lying manipulative assholes.

I hate this.

I want to kms. I want to die. I don't want to live. I don't want this life. I'd rather be a fucking insect than live this pathetic excuse for a life.

I'll be change. I'll never get help. I'll be like this forever. And there's no one who can help. There's no one who wants to help. I need to accept that this is it and I'll probably die before I graduate from school.

[itistimetodisappear]

Yes we've all heard aroace people complain about the 'you haven't met the right person' line. But to the idiots citing this as the reason aroace people 'aren't oppressed’: No, micro aggressions aren't what's oppressing us.

I could talk about corrective rape, but I'm not going to because that's not what scares me the most. The worst thing about being aroace (aromantic, and asexual to a certain extent) is that society is set up for couples.

Being aromantic is a crushing economic disadvantage. As a couple, you can save more. As a legal couple, you can borrow more. This puts Mortgages out of reach for a lot of aromantics. Adopting too. Although aro people can adopt, you must have a similar income to a couple, which again, rules out a lot of aros. Don't forget Immigration, spousal visas will never be an option for us.

Being poor and aro means you're denied housing, family, international movement, basically anything that allos of a similar income would get. And anything you can get, you'll have to jump through many more hoops for. But we can't fix this by legalising aro marriage, like we did for the gays. Until our society's economic system is completely revolutionised, we'll be waiting.

It's impossible to compare oppression. You can't objectively say which minority group has it worse and I really mean that. But also I'd rather be called slurs and hated by Christians all fucking day.

[the-phantom-peach]

Meeting the Light Dragon ✨🐉

[tagged as spoilers!]

[spainy-spoon]

This whole submarine situation is a grim reminder that safety features are there for SAFETY rather than inconvenience, and that regulations are often written in blood.

The juxtaposition of the company going from "isn't it great that we built such a cost effective submersible without having to deal with clunky equipment or pesky regulations" to "we regret to inform you that 5 passengers including our CEO are sealed inside a death pod with very little chance of rescue" is absolutely haunting but is an outcome that you could have seen coming from miles away unlike the submersible due to a lack of safety features

[theysies]

a very tired (and angry) dyke summer is underway, whos with me

[uncensored]

[sunflawyer]

once again, biiig big big shout-out to selfshippers whose f/os have a canon partner / popular ship with a canon character and are uncomfortable with contents of them or anything related to them. no, you're not a 'stealer'. your f/o ONLY WANTS you. you're their canon partner. no one can change it. you're destined to be with them, and no one else.

we're here for you. you're not alone, and we all know that your f/o loves YOU and YOU only.

hugs you. 💗

pr.o.ship.dni

[starry-bi-sky]

yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.

Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.

When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.

And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.

With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.

[lay1306]

Listen, I always try to be very mindful of keeping my wild fandom mind and reality properly separated and not become ACTUALLY insane about a ship, but as a 30 year old queer I feel like I must say that there is no way that what jikook are doing isn't an actual gradual soft launch. As someone who has the tiniest bit of actual life experience now, I just don't see how their dynamic and chemistry could NOT be read as romantic. Are they coworkers? yes. Are they best friends? yes. But it's pretty obvious there something even deeper going on there and it's honestly just denial at this point to think otherwise.

And it all comes back to the whole fandom thing again. So many people try to deny it by making whole ass essays about how they interacted with x y and z that one time. I need y'all to remember they're actual people and real people are capable of incredibly complex relationships with more than one person at once. They have friends that aren't each other, they have confidants that aren't each other. And if anything, all those interactions just make an even more stark of a contrast as to how THEIR relationship is different than all the ones they have with other people.

[nibbelraz]

When your brother wants to betray the powerful demon king you both work for but you know that's NOT going to end well so you try to convince him not to do it but he's also seen those LUSTFUL gazes you do to said demon and calls you out

[the-bad-batch-baroness]

Crying, screaming, and throwing up over baby clones that got abandoned by their brothers 😭

[localguy2]

I hate that this is genuinely something I'm writing rn, but nothing has more RATTLED my faith in the writing team's ability to write a Zane story then him calliNG ARIN CRINGE-

[crookedfivefingers]

[lagosbratzdoll]

Ryan did a bunch of interviews recently that I've been reading and I have some thoughts. You can find the interviews here and here.

There's a lot of terrible stuff in it but I don't have the time or inclination to bother with all that. I'm going to be focusing on two things he said in the interviews.

Starting with this from the House of the Dragon podcast which I've linked above.

In it, Ryan talks about why he decided to contrast the lives of Hugh Hammer and Ulf the White with the lives of the privileged Targaryens. It was fascinating to get a peek into his head.

Ryan reads a rapist and thinks "this is a person worth deepening. We need an in-depth exploration of what goes on in this rapists head. We need the audience to sympathise with them."

Which wouldn't be so bad on its face, there's always room to analyse a fictional rapist. The problem is that he then reads about a little Black girl who raised herself on a tiny island rising up to become a dragon rider on her own merit. A little girl whose Valyrian heritage is constantly debated and discounted. He reads that and decides that there's nothing worth exploring there. Her story isn't unique. She isn't unique. In fact, she's so common that while we adapt and humanise not one but two rapists, we're going to erase one Black girl and turn the other into everyone's punching bag.

Then I read his puff piece from Big Think.

This is a fascinating glimpse into his thought process. I read this and Ryan Condal's baffling decisions began to make a little more sense.

By his own admission, Ryan's ideal show is one where Black women are erased, flattened and ignored. He claims to write powerful women but we've not seen hide or hair of these women. In Ryan's show, nothing is ever deliberate and the women are largely passive participants in their own lives.

In Ryan's ideal show there's no room for a little black girl to claim a dragon with nothing but faith and her wits. In Ryan's ideal show we need all of the rapist men but the Black women are interchangeable AND replaceable.

In Ryan's ideal world, it is too much to ask that a Black girl be adored, have songs written about her and knights joust for her favour. In Ryan's ideal show, Black people aren't fully developed characters, they're props that he forgets about for episodes on end.

And that is why the show will continue to drop in ratings. When I saw the Nielsen numbers for the premiere, I laughed until I cried. The biggest streaming day ever for Max and they couldn't beat The Boys or Your Honour. The most recent numbers are even funnier.

But don't worry gang, House of the Dragon is doing great. It's now number three. It finally beat a four year old show! Everything is fine.

[stuckinapril]

me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb

[kyriathanatos]

i want to make it clear that i do not believe in doomerism about this stuff and that its not going to be as bad as everyone is saying. (but it is going to be bad in ways we haven't quite grappled with or predicted yet in these moments of hurt and thats important to understand.)

but i've been following this stuff for over 10 years. i was there at proto gamergate shit in 2012-2013, and i knew it was a grift back then. i charted the way that young white men were getting radicalized and i told everyone i knew what i saw coming. i was laughed at and told that would never happen. then he won in 2016, and i told people what was coming from that, as i'd seen their playbook years before. they told me i was doomsaying and it wasn't going to happen. then he lost in 2020 and even i thought maybe i was wrong, even though i noticed the trend of the general discourse and online communities and especially young white men trending right.

i've said what would happen since all the way back then and the last 10+ years have proven me right in every single time in every single way.

all this is to say that i can't be the bastion of hope and make the platitudes of "we can get through this" that everyone else is. they're right! we can, and we will. i don't want to endorse doomerism. but i'm tired. so tired. tired in my bones. i can't be that person right now. and i'm sorry if that makes you think less of me.

[kebriones]

"I want art to be my job but I can't make art if I feel like I have to"

My brother in christ you are either gonna have to work on that big time or you won't be able to make a living through art, that's just how it is.

(sometimes i talk to people who dream of making a living as artists and they are like grown adults and they still think it's going to be some ideal job where they just do whatever they feel like and get paid to have fun forever and I'm like, this couldn't be further from the truth. You have to love the making of art enough to be able to do it a LOT. And that's something you can work on if it doesn't happen by itself. If you absolutely can't force yourself, or if it's making you miserable to force yourself to draw, an art job isn't for you.)