#stuff that is every day for swedes

[cold-earth-connection]

Just found the most perfect, wonderful, beautiful homewares shop in Sweden. I was remarkably restrained. When my next good job comes along, I shall not be.

[three--rings]

One thing I haven't seen a lot of talk about in the fandom so far is about the financials of this season.

It took us two whole months to get a confirmation of renewal from Max, and I talked at the time that I think there was probably a lot of heated negotiations going on at the time with contracts and that's why it took as long as it did.

I think we see a huge number of indications of the compromises that were made in order for S2 to be made. One obvious one that has been talked about is being making in in NZ instead of LA, to save $.

But there's also the eight episodes instead of ten. And then the cast aspect. One downside of moving overseas was having to fly out and house the cast, not just pay day wages.

We knew immediately about Guz Khan not coming back, losing Ivan as a character. At the time I was sad but I thought it had the air of a pretty harshly practical call. If you went through the main recurring cast and said okay which character will affect the fewest things, has the least character interactions of anyone? It would be Ivan. (With the only competition being The Swede IMO, but he's Stede's crew and therefore a little more central.)

And then this season started and we got first The Swede sidelined and taken out of major scenes. And then I noticed that different members of the crew were simply absent for long stretches, like Wee John isn't around for ep 5 at all. And then Buttons takes flight.

Lucius and Pete aren't at the party for most of it. Fang isn't in the torture scene. Roach and Fang aren't in the bar. Etc. SCHEDULING IS HAPPENING.

The new characters are almost entirely played by NZ local actors, which is great, but also...cheaper.

In other words there are big signs that they did everything possible to give us a giant cast of almost everyone we love from S1, and cool new characters, in the most economical way possible.

And I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful we got S2, and it looks great, and it's well written, I'm having a blast, and we get to spend more time with this awesome cast.

But I also kinda think it needs to be said that the cost-cutting shows. That it shouldn't have been only 8 episodes, the pacing is off. That we miss every time someone from the ensemble isn't on screen.

That despite what they've put on screen looking very good, there's far less costuming budget, there's less elaborate sets, and it's a little disappointing. And it's clear it's not a lack of will or talent or vision but blatantly lack of money.

Look, streaming networks want brilliant shows that people love (that will get them to subscribe) but they very don't want to pay anyone to make them. That's like, the whole moment we're having right now.

Max puts out promos about how great it is to not have unions messing shit up in NZ. Well I have friends who are union costumers in LA and guess what union costumers did amazing last season. This season, well, I guess Stede got three whole shirts, so that's cool.

So I dunno. It's just stuff I think about. I'm not trying to be negative about the show in any way. I'm extremely happy with this season; I love it more than well, possibly any show I've ever been in fandom for.

But I see you, Max. You're cheap. You weren't that cheap when you were called HBO.

[twigg96]

If u havent already done it,, hcs for dethklok w a very physically affectionate s/o ? Like one that is always down to cuddle n stuff

Hello my sweet Anon! No I haven’t written anything like that yet!! I hope you like these HCs

Nathan - While Nathan himself is a gigantic teddy bear who is touch starved beyond belief. He does find the act of being propositioned with cuddles and touches to be bloody vomit inducing for several reasons. The first being that cuddles and intimate touches took just that... intimacy. And truth be told Nathan wasn't the best when it came to that realm of being. Sure he could pretend. But he hated how nervous he became when his leg touched his partner's, uncertain if the tingles of excitement he felt were ever reciprocated. He hated how sweaty his palms became holding his SO's knowing full well that they could feel just how moist he was becoming just thinking of where that could lead. Marriage and kids of course... and he hated that his mind took him down a futuristic rabbit hole that got his heart broken more times than he ever realized. But his partner... never seemed to mind. Their head on his chest during movies they listened to his heart beat and breathed with him through the panic. Kissed his sweaty knuckles and eased a hand over his bouncing knee. They whispered that they were scared too. But that was an important part of intimacy no one ever talked about. The anxiety and the fear that came with every touch the one that eased with time and with every breath shared until it was hardly noticed anymore and soon two souls became one.

Pickles - The little drummer was not a man who was overly touchy to begin with. People could thank his abusive parents and sketchy past for his fear of intimate touches. He'd duck away from a hug faster than most at the beginning of a relationship. He wasn't repulsed by touches. He'd probably even pull his partner in for hugs and cuddles. But he had boundaries he expected his partner to understand and respect just as he knew his partner had their own he would respect over anything else. There were times that he would pull his partner into his embrace all day. Most of those times alcohol or other substances were involved, other times he or his loved ones were in a heightened emotional state. He hugged people the tightest then with all his heart and soul. He held them to tell them he was there. He wasn't going anywhere. Burying his face in the crook of their neck, his beard scratching against the skin of their neck he held them tight to help them relax. And when his asthma hit and his anxiety washed over him the most was when he needed his partner to step in and return the favor.

Murderface - William likes to pretend that he is as macho as they come. And sure he pretends for a while. He pretends that he's a sexual extraordinaire, has a 20 meter defeater, and lives without a single fear in the entire world. He pretends for a while when he first meets his partner... because he never expects to catch feelings. He ever expects to see them again. But the fact of the mater is... Murderface is entirely too scared... for much of anything when it comes to anything intimate with his partner especially when he starts a relationship with his partner. It takes a long time for him to open up to his partner. To let them touch him so intamatly and with so much trust that they won't hurt him. Because the truth of the matter was that was what he was scared of most. Getting close. Comfortable. Then being discarded and forgotten like yesterday's trash. He hated that feeling. He hated it more that he had grown used to it. So when the couple were watching one of his favorite movies... maybe a boring documentary and his partner's full attention was on the screen not on their phone, not talking to some other guy... he felt himself grow comfortable... wrapping his arm around their shoulder he pulled them close kissing their temple.

Skwisgaar - For the Swede cuddling and touching came in the form of sex so often that he became complacent to the idea that cuddling only came to those in the throws of passion. When his partner tried to hug or hold him in public it sprang to life a problem the blonde had to either excuse himself to the bathroom for. Although many times he simply would try to pull his partner into the alleys and closets to get some alone time. One night when his partner comes to bed they wear the most revealing clothes they could find, crawl into bed and cuddle up close to him, their fingers ghost his skin as they lay sweet kisses across his collar bone, neck, and jaw. Just when Skwisgaar is positive he's getting lucky, his partner pulls away. Touch therapy. That's what they call it. They want to retrain his brain into learning they can touch him without always getting laid. At first he fights the idea. Then his partner cuddles close once more telling him to close his eyes. He does, not because they said so of course... but because he was getting blue balls and it hurt... But... eventually he understood. The quietness, the sensuality without the sexuality... it was nice. Comfortable.

Toki - This boy is just as touchy feely as his partner. It makes other people uncomfortable how clingy they are to each other. Stage 5 clingers would not be a stretch to describe either of them. Velcro Partners. If they're seen apart it's not because either of them want to be alone.

[3416]

How tradition has made Maple Leafs’ big Swedish family feel more at home

by Jonas Siegel | Nov 30, 2022 | The Athletic

At some point last season, a tradition was born within the Maple Leafs. They call it Swedes’ dinner.

The tradition is exactly as it sounds. The Leafs have a standing dinner group on trips out of town that’s full of Swedes. It was spearheaded by William Nylander, the unofficial and somewhat controversial “captain” of what’s currently the largest group of Swedes on any one team in the NHL. (Note: Detroit will pull even once Magnus Hellberg plays a game for the Red Wings. Our count is based on Swedes who’ve played at least one NHL game for their club this season.)

Swedes’ dinner represents the closeness of that group of seven — six of whom were in the starting lineup together earlier this month when the Leafs honoured Börje Salming shortly before his passing.

“We’re a pretty tight group here overall,” Timothy Liljegren said of the Leafs, “but it’s always nice to talk Swedish sometimes. I think it makes you not miss home as much.”

It started with Nylander.

During his early days with the Leafs, the team had very few Swedes — an Andreas Johnsson here, a Calle Rosen there, but hardly a large or consistent group. Then, suddenly, the group expanded as Liljegren, Pierre Engvall and Rasmus Sandin all arrived and became Leaf regulars.

Nylander, the oldest and most experienced among them, began to host the group for dinners on the road.

“And then we started making it a thing,” Nylander said, “and then now (we have) more Swedes so now it’s just a big group of Swedes going for dinner.”

Erik Källgren came aboard late last season, followed by Calle Järnkrok and rookie Pontus Holmberg this fall.

“Those first games you’re up (with the Leafs), first road trip, Willy was always good at having some place to go,” Liljegren recalled. “It’s nice — you don’t have to look up restaurants and stuff. He usually takes care of that stuff.”

It’s how Nylander became the unofficial leader of the Swedes, the one who typically selects the restaurant for Swedes’ dinner — usually an Italian joint of some kind.

Some, or rather, one member of the group doesn’t think Nylander takes the responsibility seriously enough.

“Willy, he takes care of ordering food,” Sandin says. “But then he thinks he’s captain of the Swedes — he can think that if he wants.”

Sandin, the youngest member of the group, is grinning.

“Last time we went for dinner Pierre decided where to go, and did a good job for once,” Sandin said.

Sitting within earshot in the Leafs practice facility dressing room, Engvall responded incredulously, “For once?”

“I think Sandy wants to be (the captain of the Swedes),” Liljegren said. “(He) might be in a couple years.”

Källgren notes that with a longer history in the league, Nylander simply has a larger catalogue of restaurants to pull from than the upstart Sandin.

“Ask him again,” Nylander says laughing when told of Sandin’s sniping.

Occasionally, Nylander says he’ll cede leadership to Sandin or Engvall. During a recent trip to Pittsburgh, he went for dinner with former teammate and close pal Kasperi Kapanen and left the group to fend for themselves.

It’s all in good fun, of course.

Sandin and Nylander share an especially tight bond among Leafs. They’ve known each other since at least 2015 — three years before Sandin was even drafted by the Leafs in the first round — and live a minute apart from one another back home in Stockholm.

They’re joined at the hip in the offseason — hitting the ice, the gym, and the golf course together just about every day. They’re members of the same golf club in Stockholm.

“I see him almost too much,” Sandin says.

It’s a brotherly vibe. “He helped me lots when I came in at the beginning,” Sandin said of Nylander, “showing me some places to go to eat.”

Sandin will grudgingly concede that Nylander’s restaurant game is strong. “He’s a foodie kinda. He eats a lot and he likes good food, so it’s great to be around him.”

Sandin and Liljegren have also grown close after playing together frequently with the Leafs and Marlies. The two will grab dinner in the offseason when Liljegren passes through Stockholm.

Sandin describes Liljegren lovingly as a little, well, “weird.”

“He’s a creative soul,” Sandin says.

Liljegren, he notes, has recently begun to paint (yes, paint) and hopes to start taking guitar lessons soon.

Of his dabbling with a paintbrush, Liljegren says, “It’s easy to get on a Playstation or watch a TV show, just something (else) to do.”

What does he paint? Liljegren says his most recent attempt was of the Joker, but acknowledges that “it’s not very realistic.”

The Swedish bond that exists within the Leafs has made Järnkrok, who joined the team on a four-year deal in the summer, feel more at home. He spent the first eight years of his NHL career in Nashville where he lived and shared dinner night after night with fellow Swedes, Mattias Ekholm and Filip Forsberg.

Uniting with all the Swedes for dinners has been nice, he says. He’s felt welcomed.

“They’re all very good guys,” Järnkrok, the oldest of the group, says.

Of his first impressions, Järnkrok concedes that yes, Nylander is “a little bit of a different cat, Ras talks a lot, (and) Timmy’s more quiet and more like me.”

As for Järnkrok, who hails from the small city of Gavle, Liljegren observes, “He’s a pretty laid-back guy. I feel like most people from where he’s from are really laid back.”

Dinner conversations take place almost exclusively in Swedish, which all have come to appreciate.

“It’s one of those things that makes you a little bit more comfortable,” Källgren says.

It’s like a little slice of home within the larger Leafs squad.

Though Källgren had played with Nylander on national teams when they were both younger and with Holmberg in the Swedish Hockey League, Källgren says he didn’t know any of the Swedes on the team all that well. He quickly found his place within the comforts of Swedes’ dinner.

“They can help you and guide you when you get up,” Källgren says.

The Swedes look out for each other that way.

Right now, they’re trying to help Holmberg get settled on his new team and new life in North America, notably using the somewhat unfamiliar English language.

“We try to get him to talk,” Engvall says.

At Swedes’ dinner, for instance, they’ll insist he order his food in English.

“I think he understands pretty good,” Engvall observed. “It’s just, he needs to learn to talk.”

And do it by practising.

“I was just s— for a long while, I think,” Engvall says of his own English. “You just gotta start talking.”

It was Sandin who scooped up the puck after Holmberg scored his first NHL goal in New Jersey last week.

Dinner conversations inevitably return to hockey.

The Swedes play credit card roulette to determine who picks up the cheque. “It’s up to luck,” Källgren says.

Not that any of them mind.

“It’s usually a fun time,” Källgren concludes. “We enjoy each other’s company and it’s good to get to try some different restaurants and (experience) different cities. We enjoy spending time together. It’s fun.”

[anna-mellgren]

I have been asked about my different experiences living in different countries a lot so I will share my thoughts here.

America: I partially grew up in the USA so I never experienced a proper culture shock in the USA because I was so young during the years we lived there the first time.  I just noticed the differences from Sweden instead. Americans are so friendly so any homesickness was always cushioned by that. I just accepted America for what it was but it is obviously a lot more conservative & religious than Sweden. Americans can be super friendly but sometimes that friendliness can be a little superficial… Swedes are more reserved but more loyal instead when you get to know them well. Female athletics is more developed in the USA which I liked. I had a good school experience and I probably had a more chill time than most people had in high school.

I was 13 when my family moved to America the second time after a few years of living in Sweden. I was the most reluctant to leave Sweden because I loved my life in Stockholm. I was not forced, ok basically forced, to move back to the USA. I had an easy time with everything in the USA from school, to finding friends and extracurricular activities. Everyone was very kind to me & I had nothing to complain about but I always had a homesickness to Sweden that I couldn’t shake. For a while I tried to convince my parents to let me live with my grandparents in Stockholm or to send me to boarding school in Sweden but they refused and wanted me close. Everything was fine in the USA but I had teenage FOMO… I always wanted to do what my Swedish friends were doing. My parents felt bad for forcing me to stay with them in the USA so their way of making it up to me was to spoil me. They finally bought a dog which I had always wanted. My dad let me drive his SUV to school which my brothers definitely didn’t get to do.  They let me spend the summers in Sweden and let me travel an insane amount for a teenager… I was clubbing for a few weeks in Barcelona & Ibiza when I was 15 with other Swedes my age which I think is insane now that I’m in my 30s lol. I am not joking when I say Swedes are ultra-liberal but all of those teenagers turned out just fine. All of this was probably not good for me because I was not in step with my peers in the USA, I felt like I was 3 lifetimes ahead of them in terms of life experience. My Swedish friends were more on the same wavelength though because Swedish teenagers generally get a lot more freedom than American teenagers (it wasn’t just me). My dad’s biggest flaw as a parent is that he literally can’t say no to me… thank god my mom was around to reel him in when I was a teenager. My mom says I’ve had him wrapped around my finger since day one… even as an adult he loves to spoil me and I had to set boundaries myself so I became fully independent. I suppose parents can have worse character flaws but give your kids some tough love… it builds character. I believe in teenagers having summer jobs & letting them work for stuff. Don’t let them get away with too much lol.

I was mentally ready for college when I got back from my exchange year in Argentina but I had to stick out the last of high school. I stuck it out but I had mentally checked out. I was on auto-pilot and not quite there. I thought freshman year was exciting but after that high school could be a little anticlimactic after whirlwind summers in Europe. My parents should’ve been stricter with me and made me get boring summer jobs instead of living it up in Europe every summer but they felt guilty. Maybe I should’ve gone to a more liberal private high school too because I think the people I went to school with were insanely sheltered even for American standards. I always run into Scandinavians in strange corners of the globe & generally I think Swedish families travel far more than American families which is probably a natural outcome when you come from a country with a strong middle class who don't have to pay for pyramid scheme college tuitions or expensive health care insurance. I would even say the Norwegians are in a league of their own... they have so much oil money that their government is practically throwing money at their citizens (the Norwegians just don't flash it as much as the Gulf states). Traveling makes people more open-minded & I think more Americans need a bit of that.

I know some Swedes think of the USA as this far-away exotic place filled with opportunity & wonder… fair enough if you’ve never lived there but the USA is not an exotic place to me. I know the USA like the back of my hand. I have seen it all from coast to coast. I’ve truly lived it & I grew up there. I could genuinely miss Sweden when I lived in the USA… everything from the people, the food, my extended family & especially the culture... just everything. I’ve never been homesick to the USA. I can miss certain people & the excellent Mexican restaurants in the USA but that is about it. I’ve never had the deep longing for the USA like I’ve had for Sweden. I think coming from the "Old World" is a blessing because you have a sense of home that Americans will never have... Europeans literally share DNA with a lot of people in their home countries & smaller countries also share so many more cultural peculiarities than bigger countries do. Americans are cut off from their ancestry and some Americans fill that void with mindless consumption, religion or a manic pursuit of happiness. Heritage is often an integral part of a meaningful life & I know some Americans suffer by knowing very little about their ancestral traditions & connections. It is a blessing to truly know where you’re from.

I met a ton of people with Swedish ancestry in Minnesota & they would always tell me the *exact* percentage Swedish they were. Some Americans would even try to compete with each other on who is the most Swedish. I would literally introduce myself as Swedish and they would often respond, "I'm Swedish too!" yet they didn't speak a word of the language or know anything about the culture apart from maybe Midsommar & Lucia celebrations at the ASI institute. First-generation Swedes who grew up in Sweden are more Swedish to me than Americans with distant Swedish ancestry. Some Americans definitely looked Swedish but the Swedish soul was gone... seriously a few of them were sooooo American but I didn't have the heart to tell them that.

My parents encouraged me to go college in the USA and I bought into that idea wholeheartedly for a while (especially before I started to figure out what I wanted to do). I actually had a great time at college in the USA but I still had a homesickness I couldn’t shake. I also wanted to explore Europe a bit more after living in Paris. I think this sums up a lot of my years in America… I lived in the USA but my heart & mind were always in Europe. I ultimately narrowed down Europe to wanting to live out life in Scandinavia.

With all of that said, I'm an adult now & I view the world a bit differently. Sweden has changed so much since I was a teenager and it has made me less attached to Sweden than I used to be. I recognize the world changes and we're all more connected these days. I don't think I would be as homesick if I lived in the USA again even if it just for a few years. I think living in America as an adult is quite different than living in America as a teenager because everyone has more life experience now & everyone is more free to do what they want. I might try living in the USA as an adult for a little while even if it is just for fun but I am not sure since I am happy where I am. I have many fond memories of the USA but I could only see myself living in America for a longer period of time if I settle down with an American or if a partner really wants to live in the USA for a few years & I have to compromise. At the end of the day, Americans treated me extremely well and I don't regret living in the USA. I look back at my years in the USA with a big smile and I will continue visiting the USA for the rest of my life, especially since I have family there. Who knows what the future holds but right now I am very happy in Sweden. I say each to their own... I follow my heart & you follow yours.

France: I only lived in Paris for 6 months and I mostly hung out with international students who were studying French so I am not sure I can give a super accurate opinion of France. I got to know a few French people through a friend and they were similar to Swedes in a way… they are very liberal, they ride their mopeds, they like soccer, they have a healthy aversion towards religion, they are not huge fans of loud people etc. Parisians are very cosmopolitan people and I got on really well with the ones I got to know.  I know parisians have a reputation for being rude and they are rude to tourists lol but honestly, the amount of tourists in Paris is insane. Even I, as a foreigner, could get annoyed with them at times. I liked to run by the Seine river and tourists would try to stop me mid-run in order to take their pictures? Why couldn’t you find another tourist to do that for you when I am clearly running? I think the French are similar to Swedes by being reserved but very kind and loyal once you get to know them. I think being reserved can sometimes come off as being rude if you don’t understand the culture. I got to know quite a few French people living & working in the Swedish arctic... for some reason a good chunk of French people have ended up there. I think they really like the nature & the Swedish tourism industry will hire French people because they get a good amount of French tourists who like to visit the arctic and someone needs to be able to communicate with the French as they are notoriously bad at English. I even know a few French people who have set up their own businesses in the Swedish arctic. I am just glad more people are discovering the magic of the Swedish arctic :)

Ireland: I think I suffered a big culture shock in Ireland. Before then I had a slightly naive/American view that European countries are more similar than they actually are? I think Ireland has to be one of the most extrovert countries in Europe while Sweden is probably the most reserved… so that is a clear cultural difference. I used to think Americans could be chatty & loud but some Irish people are like Americans on steroids. I wouldn’t say Swedes are introverted but we have slightly different social codes… in my opinion many Swedes are a bit reserverad at first because they do not want to be too intrusive or dominate a social setting with people they do not know well but Swedes open up with time. Sweden is one of the most atheist countries while Ireland is one of the most religious countries in Europe. Sweden is probably the most liberal country and Ireland is one of the most ~historically~ conservative countries in Europe. Ireland has become a lot more liberal recently but I think Sweden is farther ahead on certain things… especially when it comes to sexism & behavior between the sexes.

Ireland had a certain lad culture when I was there which was honestly a bit unhinged. I know there are bad apples in Sweden but I don’t think their bad behaviour is accepted in Sweden as it is in Ireland.  I think the lad culture at university is exacerbated by a lot of people going to catholic girls & boys schools while growing up so they don’t interact with each other as much as they do in mixed schools in Sweden & the USA. It was like they didn’t know how to behave towards each other? The emotional intelligence just wasn’t there at times. The banter sometimes went too far and became bullying in my opinion. The way guys talked about girls really got on my nerves too…not about me specifically but just girls in general. I remember there was a girl in my course who slept with a guy and the stuff I saw written on social media and what was said in real life really shocked me. My one Irish friend said it was just “banter” and I would say no… it was stone-cold misogyny/sexism. I would then be labeled as “someone who didn’t understand banter” but Ireland legalized divorce & criminalized marital rape in the 1990s (which is actually insane) so to be honest I don’t think they have the upper hand when it comes to defining misogyny? Their humor is based on slagging each other off which is fine but I sometimes think people took it too far... I prefer Swedish humor which is more based on self-deprecation & is a bit similar to British humor.  I think I was not willing to adjust and this caused me problems but I think the school culture as a whole was more toxic compared to where I had lived before. I think I got a bit unlucky with a few people to be brutally honest and I don’t think my experience resembles Ireland as a whole but the culture was a bit harsh. I remember girls rating each other on social media with bitchy comments on their friends' pictures by writing “6/10”… people who were friends with each other? None of us look like Adriana Lima but why put each other down? Or make someone feel mediocre? Some girls were seriously vain and judgemental & I missed the strong feminist sisterhood I felt in Sweden or the sisterhood I felt in sports in America. To be clear, many Irish girls were genuinely nice & perfectly fine human beings but a few definitely gave off the vibe that I belonged with my fellow foreigners in the course. Every time I kissed a guy there would be random guys taking pictures of me and post it god knows where? Guys I didn’t even know? Just to gossip or shame me for kissing someone? They did this to everyone, not just me. I'm fairly certain people couldn't care less if I ever kissed a guy in Sweden or the USA.

People in my course made facebook groups and wrote mean things about people who were not in the groups… just things like that. I came from a super laid-back environment with very opened-minded people so I had a hard time adjusting to this harsher, sometimes hostile, environment. I don’t think I was a specific target but I didn’t feel comfortable there. One day I was walking down the street and a passing car threw an egg at me?  I have pretty good eyesight so I saw the ex-girlfriend of a guy I knew in the car…I think I got hit because I had kissed him a few months before. Apparently egging can be a thing in Ireland. Stuff like this just doesn’t happen in Sweden. I lived in a smaller city and maybe I would've been happier in a more cosmopolitan place like Dublin. I think there are many great people in Ireland but I found the university culture to be very gossipy, mean, judgemental & cliquey. They all thought it was normal but it rubbed me the wrong way. I think some people were just immature and have probably changed a lot. To be fair, I never gave it a real shot because I was unhappy and struggling with autoimmune issues. Not all people were like this but when you find yourself in a place where you don’t know anyone and a few people treat you in a very bad way then it can have a big impact.

I’ve heard that I came off as a bit cold/stand-offish while in Ireland and maybe I was a bit more reserved than usual but it was because it genuinely felt like a few Irish girls wanted to claw my eyes out… it was not in my head since a girl in my course sent me a few very nasty texts for no reason… it took some CIA-level detective work to figure out who it was. I had never dealt with mean/jealous girls before so it was a bit jarring for me. Growing up I think I had divine protection from mean girls via athletics because I’ve never encountered mean girls in athletics. I don’t think it was a coincidence that one Irish girl in my course who seemed really sound was an athlete. I also don’t think it was a coincidence that the Irish girl who genuinely made an effort to get to know me had Egyptian descent… she probably knew a thing or two about being a foreigner in Ireland. I think I was put in a box and expected to stick with the Irish-Finnish girl in the course but we were quite different from each other but I definetly appreciated her support when I had a hard time. I came back to visit because I knew my brother would marry an Irish girl and I wanted to change my perspective on Ireland since I knew I would be connected to Ireland for the rest of my life. I only wanted to attend the halloween event but my friend convinced me to go to a pre-party that I really didn’t feel comfortable going to… I should have trusted my intuition. Basically my plan backfired since I was treated badly by a guy and I had a terrible night. I never bothered reaching out to anyone when I visited Ireland after that. So idk… maybe a few people should have some self-reflection on how they treat foreigners? And perhaps a few will have a better understanding of how some of their mates treated me. I do think it is important to point out that there were genuinely kind people in my course as well who probably had no idea that any of this went on. I had visited/lived in so many countries where I had been treated very well by the time I lived in Ireland so thankfully the experience didn’t knock my confidence… I think it was just a bad fit. But to be honest, I regret living in Ireland and I regret coming back to visit (except for visiting family) - I wish I could erase it all from my memory bank. For a long time I was careful to not be offensive whenever I talked about Ireland because I have Irish family but 2 things can be true… I had a bad experience in Ireland but I love my Swedish/Irish family. I think my brother had an ok time in Ireland after meeting his girlfriend (now wife) who is super sound. I don’t think he always had an easy time in medical school but my brother is more mentally strong. He is also a bit peculiar & in his own world…his adhd can take over at times lol but he is a kind soul. My oldest brother and I have quite different personalities… I am more wired like my middle brother. My 2 brothers are so different from eachother it is like they are from 2 different planets while I am somewhere in the middle. But we all get along well with each other.

The Swedish university environment is very different compared to Ireland because very few people come to university directly from high school. Almost everyone has taken at least a gap year but there are plenty of people who spend years traveling/working/doing other things before going to university. University is free in Sweden so you have a lot more people who decide to change careers & pursue a different education later in life. I think the people at university in Ireland matured over the years and chilled out a bit to be fair but I never experienced it because I left. I have met many great Irish people so in a way I just think I was unlucky and perhaps I would’ve had a different experience if I stuck it out. Not all people were bad in my course either, the majority were perfectly fine people but I think initially the people who had lived in this city their entire life were unbothered with making friends or being friendly. I think they branched out later on. I think I had lived in a bubble before then and I had just never experienced anyone mean before? Which is probably a bit bizarre too. My school experience before then was people being either nice to me or neutral… like I was just another human on planet earth.  In my honest opinion, I think some Irish people are like Conor Mcgregor and truly embrace lad culture but there are also Irish people who have the same aura as Cillian Murphy & are more salt of the earth. From day one I never understood how anyone could fancy a huge twat like Conor Mcgregor when there are men like Cillian Murphy, Francesco Totti & Henrik Lundqvist roaming the earth.... people need to get more cultured. I feel quite bad for the Irish people who were embarrassed by Conor waiving the Irish flag around the globe. I would even say the majority of Irish people are like Cillian Murphy & have the same values as him. I think Ireland has a unique culture, people are generally friendly despite my experience & the nature is beautiful. My mental health suffered that year and I moved home which was definitely the right decision for me. I should’ve been more social but I didn’t have the mental or physical strength with my anemia. I knew a Norwegian girl in Ireland who seemed to love everything about it and I always compared myself to her. I felt like a bit of a failure for feeling like I did until I met a Danish girl who had a far worse experience than me in Ireland and it was a bit comforting to know I was not alone in how I felt. I think experiences are subjective & overall I learned a lot. I don’t dislike Ireland or Irish people… I just didn’t have a great experience. My parents told me to just try it for the first year and I could leave if I wasn’t happy but if I stayed for more than 1 year then I would have to finish the 6-year course. I remember feeling like I would die if I had to stay another 5 years in that environment so I kind of just gave up & stopped trying but my autoimmune flares were getting pretty bad too. In a way, I think moving home to Sweden was a long time coming.

Argentina: I think South Americans in general are very welcoming and warm people. However - Argentina, like many other South American countries, has problems with corruption & crime etc. You will hopefully be fine if you just take some extra precautions but I think you have to be very mindful as a woman and be careful. Don’t get into taxis alone. Watch your drink on nights out. Don’t drink too much and always be in full control. Never leave a friend behind. Just stuff like that. I sometimes took taxis alone and more than once I was scolded by taxi drivers about how they had daughters my age & how dangerous it could be for a woman like me to get a taxi alone at night etc. I was always fine but I think it is important to not be too naive. I came to Argentina with limited Spanish & lived with an Argentine host family. All of my Argentine classmates spoke terrible English which was great for me because I was forced to learn Spanish. I was put in a class and the girls in this class took me in as one of their own. They brought me everywhere and I was their Swedish mascot who just tagged along everywhere lol. I was treated really well and I still keep in touch with them today. They said I was less shy after 5 months but it was not until then that I could understand what they were saying lol. Argentine families sometimes have limited means but they truly taught me the value of making the most of what you are given and making the best of what you have. I volunteered with handicapped children during my time there and these kids would correct my Spanish non-stop which was great. My Argentine friends were too lazy to correct my grammar lol. I went running with a blind 14-year-old boy who had developed an eye disease just years earlier and I think this volunteer work really put life in perspective for me. Overall I had a great time in Argentina and I hit the jackpot because I spent my exchange year in Patagonia. I had the classic experience of falling in love, traveling, going to school & just being fully immersed in Argentine culture. My entire high school class came to wave me goodbye at the airport when I flew back to the USA <3 I will always look back at that year as one of the best years of my life. I think being an exchange student in high school is very different compared to being an exchange student at university. You’re still so young when you’re in high school and people are not as independent yet. You really get to experience family life, school life & the youth culture when you go as an exchange student in high school. I later lived in Buenos Aires for 6 months and studied at university during my gap year after living in Paris. I had a great time in Buenos Aires but I think my high school experience was more unique. I loved Buenos Aires though & the girls in my course would invite me to BBQs etc and I had a great time.

These are my experiences of my adventures living abroad. I would urge everyone to travel because nothing makes you appreciate home quite like living abroad. Or perhaps you will find a new home if the home you grew up in made you unhappy.

~ Sweden: I suppose it is only fair that I share my experience living in Sweden as well. I had a great childhood and I have so many wonderful memories. I was just a happy kid. When I was 12 (almost 13) everyone had to switch schools and we were thrown into a school with kids from other schools from the same municipality.  You definetly felt a bit more grown up but I didn’t care about being cool…  I had my little friends and I just kept doing what I loved. Everyone was nice at school & I was just an average 13-year old. Many Swedes started to attend house parties at 14 but I was in the USA by then.  I struggled quite a bit when my autoimmune issues got quite serious when I moved back to Sweden in my 20s. It was a hard time but I would’ve had a hard time anywhere. I let certain friendships go because I didn’t have the energy to maintain them. I also think you change quite a bit in your late teens & 20s so I also made new friends via the jobs I had and my academic adventures. I regret not being a better friend to some people when I look back but I was also just trying to keep my head above water when I was honestly quite ill. I think they understand and now we can smile at the memories.

I don’t think Sweden is perfect but I genuinely feel at peace here. Swedish demoraphics has changed a lot these past 20 years - it has brought some really great restaurants, arts, rich cultural infusions & many great people but there has also been some challenges to be honest. I believe in helping people but I think our politicians took on more than what a small country can handle but I think there is more cultural cohesion now compared to a few years ago so things are going in the right direction. But I think Sweden still needs better crackdown on serious gang violence. It is literally off the charts.

Can Swedes annoy me? Yes, we are all human. I wish some Swedish people could be a bit more spontaneous and color outside of the lines a bit more. Sometimes I think Swedish men take material things & fashion too far. I think I prefer a man who can chop wood or throw an axe… not a guy who is obsessed with a designer watch 😂 No but seriously… in Stockholm people can be a bit too status driven & vain but I think a lot of that improves with age. At the same time I like how Swedish men are often very put together.  I don’t consider myself a fashionista at all but I used to think Stockholm had the best fashion in the world in the early 2000s (humble brag but honestly true)… but I think Swedish fashion has fallen off a cliff this past decade. Maybe fashion is weird in general. Maybe I am getting old. But Swedish fashion is very average these days.

Sweden is home to me and it will always be home no matter where I live. My deepest relationships and friendships have been with Scandinavians. I love Swedish sarcasm and all our cultural peculiarities. I think it is important to remember that life is the greenest where you water it. I am very happy in Sweden and I genuinely love many aspects about Swedish culture but I think there are many great cultures out there. It is nice to be home 🤍

one thing about me……..i am hyperaware of the Vibes

[eulalieaeri]

𝑬𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝑨𝒆𝒓𝒊 𝑩𝒊𝒆𝒍𝒌𝒆.

AU: Model trapped in Superhuman body.

Is a quiet yet lively spirit, a Swedes-Japanese lady who was born to a Swedes father and a Japanese mother. Life took a fateful turn one tragic day back when she was six years old; leaving her with a mysterious, flower-strewn path all her own. She was the youngest who unfortunately became the only child of the family overnight. Leaving all her childhood memories in Japan, she moved to New Zealand once she turned seven ― redoing all the memories she had lost to a new one.

Residing with a family who has experienced the unimaginable loss of their beloved child, Eula gracefully navigates through life's challenges with poise and resilience. Though often left alone in her family’s large-empty house, she develops a keen sensitivity to nature, finding that the flowers seem to lean her way, as though they share in her secrets. Despite lacking affection and attention from her parents, Eula blossoms into a compassionate individual with a profound empathy for all living beings. Raised without a clear understanding of the concept of "home," she dedicates her time to pursuing academic excellence and spreading love and kindness she has within her to those in nursing homes and shelters.

Drawn with specific bond with nature, she loves walking and having moments in nearest park wherever she is. Fly herself all the way to South Korea to continue her study learning about her favorite stuff (earth and its contents), she also shoots her luck by joining model agency after years of weighing up the compliments she always get.

Never did her parents speak of her twin brother after the accident, creating a gaping void in her heart that often brought tears to her eyes in longing for the connection she believed she once held dearly. Furthermore, her story unfolds quietly yet purposefully, as she embraces a gift she may never fully explain yet can hardly deny—a connection to nature that seems to bloom with her every step.

Name: Eulalie Aeri Bielke

Nickname(s): Eula, Yura, Aeri, Ellie, Lillie.

Birthdate: August 31th 2OO4

Birthplace: Tokyo, Japan.

Nationality: Swedes-Japanese

MBTI: INTP

Currently Stay: Seoul, South Korea.

Occupations: College Student (Environmental Science), Freelance Model, Volunteer.

[allovertheworldblog]

The bus to Haparanda leaves early

So, I was up at the top of Sweden and had to decide where to go next, west to Norway or east to Finland.

In the end I decided on neither and went back down through Sweden.

When I was leaving Kiruna though it looked like I was going to Finland, that was the plan anyway. 

I decided on going to Haparanda (what a great name) which is on the border with Finland.

Only trouble was the bus leaves, the only bus to Haparanda, leaves at 07.10.

I get to the bus station 20 minutes before the bus leaves.

I’m the only passenger that does the full trip.

We have three different drivers over the 6 hour trip through snow filled Sweden.

The only reindeer we see over the course of the trip are in a sort of farm.

We get to Haparanda after 13.00 and I walk to the hostel through the ice and slush covered paths.

The city has a strange feel to it, a sort of half a city feel to it.

And in a way it is. 

Next door in Finland is Tornio, the original settlement in the area. Then when Sweden lost Finland to Russia they needed a base for trade in that region, on their land as it were, so they built up Haparanda.  

Today there’s no border control as Sweden and Finland are both members of the European Union.

The two cities have banded together and created a joint city in effect, a Eurocity.

The hostel has a sign up saying that the reception is only open from 16.00 to 19.00, I knew about this in advance but turn up anyway.

I ring the ‘out of hours’ number on their sign.

A lady opens the door and asks if it was me that was ringing, she’s not happy for whatever reason.

I ask if they’re open.

She agrees to 'sort of open’.

She checks me in and again with the sheets.

She wants to charge me 50 Swedish Krona for sheet 'rental’. That's Euro5.60 or $7.40.

I have my own sheets but thanks anyway.

She has a certificate for helpfulness on the wall behind her, NOT!

I put my stuff away and walk to the nearby IKEA, their most northerly store in the world.

I have a not very pleasant meal composed of some kind of meat.

It’s mostly Finns that are shopping there, they pay in Euro at the food counter.

The Finnish language sounds strange after hearing nothing but Swedish for the past week and a half.

My Swedish is non-existent but I’d become used to hearing it and used to the Swedish way of things, their bread, their ubiquitous cinnamon buns, kanelbulle.

They even go as far as to dedicate a day a year to their buns, 04 October is Kanelbullens dag or Cinnamon bun day. http://scandinavianfood.about.com/od/coffeecakessweetbreads/r/cinnamonrolls.htm

The Finns suddenly looked quite different from the Swedes, not as stylish, more brusque. 

The shopping centre is quite new but about a third of the units haven’t opened.

There are a couple of fast food restaurants and few cheap clothes and a few over priced ones, a couple of mobile phone shops and that’s about it.

If this was Sweden there’d be people around every corner in little cafés drinking coffee and every third shop would be a flower shop. 

The prices in the Finnish supermarket, on the Finnish side of the river, made me wonder about how travelling in Finland would compare to Sweden.

Sweden is considered to be one of the more expensive countries in Europe but from what I could see Finland was giving them a fair run for their money and in many cases coming in ahead of them.

The next morning I walk to the Finnish side of the river and search out the bus station.

It’s a Saturday morning so the bus station is closed, don’t bus stations the world over close on Saturdays?

The signs in Finnish that different bus companies have up in the window of the station do mention a Saturday service.

I’m annoyed and frustrated though, so I don’t give it time to work on my Finnish to figure out which column is Saturday and to figure out if the right destination I want is served by the individual companies.

So I decide I won’t be going to Rovaniemi after all.

Two Australian girls in the hostel in Kiruna had recommended the place for seeing the Northern Lights and for visiting Santa Claus in the year round Santa World close by.

I walk back across to Sweden and find that their bus station too is closed but they have a waiting room open and their electronic signs list all departures and arrivals for that day.

I felt relieved to be back where I know the set up.

Umea, half way down Sweden, is where I’m headed.

It might even be possible to catch a ferry across the Gulf of Bothnia from near there to Finland.

During the trip from Haparanda to Umea there’s enough time to watch a couple of movies.

Only trouble is they’re the same movies.

The attendant on the bus mustn’t have a very big movie collection as we’re shown 'One Day’, which we just catch the end of, then 'I Don’t Know How She Does It’ with Sarah Jessica Parker.

Then 'One Day’ again, then the Sarah Jessica Parker movie again.

Umea looks interesting and I might spend a couple of nights there. Of course it wasn’t to be.

In Umea I walk to the hostel. It's just before 20.00 at this stage.

A guest who's smoking outside lets me in.

The locked reception has a sign on it:

     'Good Morning guests…. the reception will be open from 06.00 to 07.00.  The Emergency Out of Hours number is …… (it cannot be used for making reservations).

Tomorrow reception will be open from 19.00-20.00’.

I walk back to the bus station, get some food and wait for the night bus to Stockholm. The bus gets me to Stockholm at 05.30.

I hang around the bus station for a couple of hours.

I go back to the hostel that I’d left a week previously before I went to the north of the country, it’s like coming home.

[iris-writesx]

shifting eyes and vacancy, vanished when i saw your face | gentlebeard

read it here or read it on ao3 <3

i’m not kidding i got the idea, wrote my entire plan, wrote it, and posted this all in the span of like 12 hours. i got the idea and was basically foaming at the mouth until i wrote it

i’m posting this as a one-shot for now, but i feel like i has potential for more chapters so if you’re interested to see more please let me know!!!

ed is so fine he’s all i can think about akdkwkf

title is from “enchanted” by taylor swift x

2.5k words — meet-cute, angst, threats, masquerade ball

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Stede hadn’t been somewhere so exquisite in years.

The ship that himself and his crew were on was marvellous. From the crystal chandeliers down to the golden trim of the carpets, whoever had designed the ship knew their stuff. Stede could only hope that one day, The Revenge would be so delicately beautiful.

It was a couple of weeks ago that they had found the letter for the masquerade ball on one of the many vessels that they had raided — on that particular raid, Stede had come back with some lovely potted plants that he had displayed around his room. He had discussed the opportunity with the crew, and after Frenchie and Olu had discussed some pyramid scheme that they wanted to put to work, it was decided that the crew would go- well, some of the crew. Jim, Wee John, Roach, and Buttons had all opted to stay behind and keep watch of the ship, so Stede, confident that the ship was left in good hands, had opted to join his crew to the ball.

And although the types of people who would be there undoubtedly made bad company, he was actually excited.

He had dressed himself in a quite exquisite teal suit, paired with a beautiful mask that was tied around his head with white silk. The mask itself matched the clothes he wore, though had golden vines woven over the mask, a detail he loved to see. Although Stede always prided himself on his appearance — he had to build up an image for himself as The Gentleman Pirate after all — he felt particularly wonderful in his masquerade get-up.

He had helped the rest of the crew dress for the occasion, too. They had all lined up outside his quarters, and one by one he had given them an outfit that, in his proud opinion, made them all shine.

Lucius, who was stood beside him at the drinks table whilst the rest of the crew had disappeared to mingle in with the crowd, was dressed in a lovely burgundy, it really brought out his eyes. For once, the boy didn’t have his book in his hands — Stede had promised him a night away from his work, just to enjoy himself… as long as he noted down the key points from the night once they had gotten back to the ship.

“We all stick out like a sore thumb,” Lucius pointed to the Swede, whose suit was a little mismatched as Stede didn’t have trousers for him that fit that matched the shirt he was wearing. “Are you sure they won’t realise we weren’t actually invited, Captain?”

Stede waved his hand as a dismissal, sipped from his glass of wine. “All these people care about, Lucius, is one-upping each other in the who’s more posh game. As long as you don’t offend their fragile pride, they won’t notice a thing.”

It was almost overwhelming, the amount of people there that Stede had promised to never end up like. He could imagine they all had considerable wealth; mansions and ships and jewels beyond his own property, and all they cared about was showing it off. He didn’t intend to strike a conversation with any of them, he was content spending time with his crew-

“I’m gonna go find Pete, Cap.” Lucius pat him on the shoulder before he disappeared, weaving into the crowd.

Well, he was happy to spend time by himself, too.

He finished his drink — the wine just had that taste of expensiveness — poured himself another, and with the wine-glass in hand, he started wandering around the giant hall in the centre of the ship.

As he passed the partygoers, he admired each of their attires; everybody was dressed up in masks, even the butlers who had been pacing the room serving delicacies. That, in turn, meant he didn’t recognise anybody that he might’ve known there — any men from his past, from that damn school — and, more importantly, nobody recognised *him*.

It was exciting, being hidden in plain sight whilst he was making his name as The Gentleman Pirate. Stede figured that nobody on the ship would take well to hosting to pirates. The masks certainly made the visit more exhilarating.

He wandered the outskirts of the hall for some time, just observing whilst he sipped his wine, and after some time had past and he had finished his drink, he began to realise that he hadn’t actually seen any of his crew in quite some time. Stede paused his walk, by one of the many doors out to the deck of the ship, and turned to face the masses of people there. His gaze flickered between them all, tried to find a familiar face within the crowd, but fell short. Where had all of his crew disappeared to?

He was jolted out of his search by somebody who had bumped into his back, and flinched, immediately turning to see who had walked into him.

“Oh fuck- sorry, mate,” the stranger gestured to the patio doors behind him. “Didn’t see you when I came in.”

“Oh no, that’s quite alright, I was a little in the way.” Stede let out a slight laugh, waved the stranger and his apology off.

The man who had bumped into him was, he had to say, one of the best dressed in the room. His suit consisted of a deep purple fabric, which had been woven with gold thread. The same purple matched the man’s mask, trimmed with lace and tied back with a fine velvet. The stranger’s hair, which he could see was quite long, had been pulled back and out of his eyes, spare two loose strands which framed his face, and the full beard which he had no way of getting rid of, Stede supposed.

There was no denying that this man was gorgeous.

But there was just something about him, something Stede couldn’t quite place, that left him at an odd place out. Something in him was telling him that this man didn’t belong here, either.

“I have to say, your suit looks marvellous,” Stede commented before the stranger could walk off to where he had originally been directed, because he really did. “I hope you don’t mind me saying so.”

The man himself clearly didn’t mind — in fact, Stede watched as the corners of his mouth lifted into a slightly bashful smile, like he hadn’t been expecting any compliments. “Oh- no, thanks mate. It’s pretty neat, huh?” He stretched his arms, flapping a bit to show off the loose lace of his sleeves by his wrists. It was just a little too long, like it wasn’t his. “Got it off of a ship I was on a couple days ago.”

“Oh, a merchant vessel?” Stede asked, curious. “You’ll have to point me in their direction, all of my suits come from land.”

The stranger hesitated, blinked a few times, before he nodded. “Right, yeah,” he cleared his throat. “A merchant…”

“Well I’ll keep an eye out,” Stede nodded, before he smiled, and extended a hand to the stranger. “I’m Stede, Stede Bonnet.”

The man took his hand with a strong grip and shook; Stede noticed, upon looking down at their joined hands, that a tattoo of a spider was inked into the back of his hand. Which, he definitely thought was odd. Most people there, he would assume, would’ve been under the impression that tattoos were sinful. “Ed, nice to meet you.”

Ed certainly wasn’t supposed to be here.

Stede hoped that it wasn’t obvious that he shouldn’t have been there, either.

“So what do you do, Ed?” Stede asked once their hands had parted; his curiosity had taken a hold, now, and he couldn’t help himself. If the story was interesting enough it would certainly be great for Lucius to write down.

“Oh, just, y’know,” Ed waved his hands a little. “Fancy shit, just like everyone else here,” he shrugged, but Stede was still looking at him, so he tacked on. “I’m a… I’m an accountant.”

“An accountant?” Stede raised his eyebrows. “Finicky business, that.”

“Oh yes yes, very… uh, tough,” Ed nodded. “What about you, Stede Bonnet? What do you do?”

Stede paused. He hadn’t thought of his lie yet, it was quite fun. “I’m a… well, I’m a trader of goods, I suppose you could say. I came here with my crew…” at the mention of his crew he remembered that he had been looking for them, and glanced back to the crowd again, scanning. Still nothing. “Who have appeared to disappear,” Stede sighed, looked back to Ed. “I’m sorry, will you excuse me? I’ll just check to see if they’re outside,” he gestured to the door, before hesitating. “Would you… I mean, when I’m back, would you like a drink?” Stede gestured back over towards the drinks table, flushed pink, and he hoped Ed couldn’t see it underneath his mask. “They have some fine wine here.”

Ed smiled, nodded. “That’d be great. I’ll be here.”

“Amazing, yes, great,” Stede nodded, smiled, felt a glow in his chest. “I’ll be back in a tic.”

He gave a final smile to Ed before he left through the patio doors, and upon his deep inhale of the cool sea air, he realised how hot he felt. God, when was the last time he’d flustered himself up like that?

He cleared his throat and tried to focus on finding the crew. His heels on his shoes clicked against the wooden boards as he walked up and down the deck, scanning the faces of the people there — none of which were his crew. Stede knew that nothing bad could have possibly happened to them, the worst that they would experience on the vessel was a terrible conversation. But part of him just felt… uneasy. Like there was something wrong, something he wasn’t seeing.

He huffed out a breath as he came to rest against the railing of the ship by the doors he had just exited from. Stede stared out at the open ocean for a moment, admired the pink swirls in the sky from the sunset, before he reached up to take off his mask. The cool air felt amazing on his face, and for a moment he just took some breaths of the air, tried to calm his uneasiness.

Everything was fine. He’d go inside, share a drink with Ed, his crew would show up, and all would be good.

Stede had been so distracted by just breathing that he hadn’t heard the patio door open behind him, but he was quick to register the presence against his back, the breath he felt against his neck. His eyes widened, swallowed, and was about to ask who was stood there, but was beat to it by,

“The Gentleman Pirate?”

The breath from the words hit the back of his neck, and it took too long for his brain to catch up with his ears, because- that was Ed’s voice.

Ed didn’t know about his piracy. He didn’t know who Stede was. He had just met the guy.

“Wha- Ed?” Stede asked. “How do you-”

So much happened at once that it took a moment for him to process it all.

Ed’s hand had pressed against his lower back, harder and harder until he was pinned against the railing in front of him. The surprise made him drop his mask, and he heard the porcelain shatter against the wooden flooring beneath them. But the loss of his mask was the last thing on his mind when he felt the sharpness of a blade pressed to his throat, cold and dangerous

Oh god.

“What- what are you doing I-”

“Shh shh shh,” Ed’s breath was still hitting his ear, and it made Stede shudder beneath him. “Calm down, mate, I don’t want to have to hurt you,” his voice was so smooth as he spoke, it made Stede’s head spin. What was happening? “Took a while for us to track you down, y’know. I was asking myself, what’s so special about a pirate like you? But you aren’t just like any pirate, are you Stede?” Ed clicked his tongue, pressed his hand firmer. “No, fancy fucker like you shouldn’t even be a pirate… and here you are.”

Ed’s hand gripped his hip, then, and the knife was momentarily pulled from his throat, allowing Ed to spin Stede around to face him. Whilst his hand never left his hip — which Ed gripped tightly, fingers digging into his hip bone, pushing to keep him pressed to the railing — the knife returned to his throat.

Facing him, Stede was able to see that Ed, too, had rid his mask. And he hated to admit it of the guy who had him at knife point, but he was even more gorgeous without the mask.

“I don’t- I don’t understand- Ed-”

Ed leaned in closer, until his breath spread out over Stede’s face, until all Stede could smell was the rum that he had obviously been drinking. “Since I know your alias, Gentleman Pirate,” Ed fucking smiled, gripped his hip tighter. “Think it’s only fair you know mine, huh?”

There was a pause, so Stede forced himself to nod, shakily, too afraid to say the wrong thing to speak.

“Name’s Blackbeard.”

Stede’s eyes widened, felt his face pale, his breath rushed in such a deep inhale he thought his lungs might fucking explode, his heart was thumping so quickly he could feel it. “Bla- Blackbeard?” He choked, “Oh god don’t kill me, don’t- you- you can have anything you’d like, my ship is just over-”

Stede didn’t register that his hand had left his bruising grip on his hip until it had clamped over Stede’s mouth, effectively silencing him.

“Already said I didn’t want to hurt you, didn’t I?” Ed- Blackbeard smiled at him. “And anyways, as oh so kind as it was for you to offer, I already know where your ship is,” he nodded over in the distance. “Look over there.”

Despite the instruction, Blackbeard curled his fingers into Stede’s jaw until he had no choice but to turn his head to the side, saw The Revenge in the distance where it had been anchored. But when he looked closer, he saw a dingy on its way towards the ship.

“My men, the kind fuckers that they are, have escorted all of your crew back to the ship. Why don’t we join them?”

Stede, unable to say anything, just stared at Ed with wide eyes.

“Been wanting to talk to you for a while, why don’t we do it back on your ship?” Blackbeard suggested, as much as it could be considered a suggestion with his hand clamped over his mouth and his blade pressed to his throat. “I’d love to see the place,” he paused, and leaned in until the loose strands of his hair tickled Stede’s face, “and me and you need to have a little chat, hm?” He grinned. “You still owe me a drink.”

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

comments would mean the world <3 requests are open!

[changethecircumstances]

WWDITS AU idea with a focus on Izzy/Frenchie

Ed, Izzy, Fang, and Ivan are vampires when Ed gets the manic idea of making a documentary

the film crew consists of Lucius (director), Pete (cinematographer), Frenchie (sound guy), and Roach (provides food and medical support because shit gets wild with vampires and they obviously never have food lying around)

Lucius keeps getting onto Frenchie for talking during interviews and getting in shots because he's constantly asking about confirmation on his superstitions

any time Izzy tells Frenchie one of his superstitions is wrong, Frenchie rationalizes it by saying Izzy isn't as smart or world traveled as he thought he was and usually Fang and Ivan have to hold him back

Roach is actually a vampire hunter (none of the humans know that) and there's constantly stuff on and off camera of him looking like he's nearly going to kill one of the vampires before he just shoves the meat cleaver behind his back

Izzy is the only one catching on but when he confronts Lucius and Pete they just say "that's ridiculous, Roach is just quirky like that"

Stede shows up one day and Izzy loses his goddamn mind because Stede was supposed to just be some stupid fling Ed had 70 years ago how the fuck is he still alive

turns out Ed accidently changed him so now Stede's a weird vampire werewolf hybrid

there's one day where Ed decides everybody needs to dress more hip and modern so they go on a shopping trip with Lucius

Izzy immediately burns the clothes they get him but everyone notices when one of Frenchie's scarves go missing and suddenly Izzy has a splash of color on him

Swede shows up and is an energy vampire that Ed takes pity on and invites to live with them before asking anyone

cut to Izzy, Fang, and Ivan running all over the house to try and avoid him and Ed constantly falling asleep around Swede cause he's trying to be nice and listen but also dear god it's draining

Buttons is a next door neighbor of Frenchie's and when Izzy meets him he immediately asks "How are you terrified of witches but ok living next to one" and Frenchie tries to laugh it off and is like "You're not a witch Buttons, right?" and Buttons just gives him a long stare down his nose and Frenchie screams

Oluwande and Jim were originally a 2 person werewolf pack but they end up including Stede because his weird ass hybrid thing means larger packs don't fuck with them or vampires

though it starts out as them just using him, Oluwande and Jim do slowly grow to like Stede, though they still don't understand his relationship with the vampires

the vampires don't have any familiars in part because Izzy will get too annoyed and is of the mindset 'why have someone else do the job when i know i can do it better'

but really it's because Ed has a terrible track record and somehow always ends up accidently killing any familiars they've ever had

a lot of them Ed doesn't even realize he accidently killed because Izzy will take the fall because he knows it makes Ed sad so everyone thinks Izzy just kills familiars left and right even though it's not completely true

the Badmintons are head of the vampiric counsel and don't like Ed's group of vampires

when they finally hear of Ed making a vampire/werewolf hybrid they use that as an excuse to get rid of all of them

during the escape, Roach kills most of the vampires but Ed, Izzy, Ivan, and Fang only see Frenchie accidently killing Nigel with his clumsiness and now everyone thinks he's a vampire hunter and Izzy is basically the 'mark me down as scared and horny' meme while Roach is in the background getting zero credit and just going 'for fuck's sake'

Jack is a human that keeps getting reincarnated and every time he comes around him and Ed get really chaotic

Ed finds out it isn't bad luck that Jack keeps getting killed but because Izzy keeps killing him because he's a jealous fucker

when Jack dies again but comes back as a ghost this time, Izzy and Stede reluctantly work together to try and get rid of him because he's annoying as fuck

they also do the whole ghost self needing to find peace thing and Frenchie just sees 2 Izzy's and is like 'ayeeee' and both Izzy's are like 'absolutely fucking not'

because everyone thinks Frenchie is a vampire hunter, Roach actually starts teaching him so he can better defend himself against other vampires

Wee John is Frenchie's roommate and thinks every time Frenchie tells some ridiculous story it's just his silly superstitions again and John just gives a polite laugh and enjoys the story while having no idea any of it is actually real

[stedes-incredible-library]

Fics where Stede is a professor and his students don't know his husband is Blackbeard? I've read like three of them so far and I need more they're all so good

I wonder if the three I've found are the three you've read. I've added some that don't explicitly fit what you've described, just in case you enjoy the Professor Stede / Professor Ed kind of story.

Students don't know his husband is Blackbeard

Area Man Causes Havoc By Being Gay by electric_friend [M], [6,259 words] [WIP]

Classical language lecturer Stede has a small group of students, so they chat sometimes. They all know about his adorable goofball of a husband Ed from Stede’s stories. For some reason, though, they haven’t quite figured out that that has anything to do with the biker who’s been stalking their professor with what must surely be nefarious intent. In fact, that, they’re quite concerned about. And thus, chaos.

cruel professor, studying romances by pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos [T], [11,183 words]

‘Well, I’ve just noticed some stuff lately, and I think that the Captain might have a crush on Professor Bonnet from the English department’.”

Pete gasped, “No.”

“Yes.” Jim nodded, eyes glinting with mirth, “See, the underclassmen think that the Captain might have a little crush on his best friend Stede Bonnet, because of all the time he spends hanging around the literature lectures and giving Bonnet the gushiest goo-goo eyes known to humankind.”

“The Captain.” Wee John said.

“A crush.” Swede repeated.

“On Professor Bonnet?” Oluwande deadpanned, “You mean to tell me they don’t know?”

the kids aren’t alright (they’re dumb as hell) by blladnna [M], [2,099 words]

Stede and Ed are happily married college professors, and Stede takes every opportunity to gush about his relationship. However, due to one student's misunderstanding, most of the college now believes that he is cheating on his sweetheart of a husband with the notorious Professor Blackbeard. Suffice to say, they aren't thrilled about the idea.

Other Professor Stede AUs

Our Museum of Rot and Love by ObsidianCreates [T], [8,369 words], [WIP]

When a museum centered around Pirates and Historical Piracy opens up in his city, history professor Stede Bonnet is thrilled! He attends right away, delighted to find the museum home to kindred spirits in his interest in piracy. And when he meets Edward Teach, the owner and director of said museum, his life changes completely. The companionship they strike up is so easy that he almost feels like he's known Ed his whole life.

Closing Time by lookwhosinside [M], [5,566 words], [WIP]

Ed owns a restaurant, and Stede happens to be a happily married college professor who wonders into his bar one day.

Hey Sailor by luminous writes [M], [1,554 words], [WIP]

Ed is a bar owner (the bar’s name is Queen Anne's Revenge) and Stede is a professor at the local university teaching the history of pirates as an elective course in the history department. When Stede goes to the bar for his birthday and meets Ed, the two hit it off instantly. Eventually, one too many chance meetings leads to feelings developing.

A Professor Ed AU

love for beginners by simpleParadox [M], [10,610 words]

Unhappy with his life, wealthy CEO Stede Bonnet decides to leave his job, wife, and kids to go to university and study anthropology. There he meets Edward Teach, his Anthropology 101 professor, along with a ragtag group of university students. Stede expected the unexpected when going back to school, but he certainly didn't think he would fall for his professor as well as end up on the wrong end of a revenge plot.

~Mod C

[dragonmuse]

Ok, who of the Leda House gang has a tote (or handbag) that ends up containing half of their life?

FRENCHIE. Frenchie has this big faded pink corduroy bag with a brown handle that he's had for ages and if you stick your hand into it, it'll disappear up to your shoulder. It contains everything he needs, half of Roach's shit because he never has pockets, some of John's things on principal and three sticks of Lucius' lip balm.

Stede has a little leather messenger bag, but its' not nearly as comprehensive.

Eddy never really gets with carrying purses. They are very much still 'wallet, phone, keys, lipstick' and that's it. She does love to stick random shit in them though, so laundry day comes with a small bin for 'Eddy Misc' which often gets decanted into a box. The box gets pawed through every few months, and most of it gets thrown out. Most of it.

John, Pete and Buttons are all pocket people too. Simple, streamline, pocket people. Although Pete often has Lucius' lip balm in there with the other standards.

Roach goes rogue. Often his stuff comes out of unexpected places. he has definitely ducttaped his money and ID to himself more than once.

The Swede has a straight up purse, a really cute one that one of his brief boyfriends bought him. It's bright yellow which makes it hard to lose and he's very good about having some needful basics, including snacks in it for anyone who needs.

Alma carries a shiny black purse shaped like kissing lips that is also fairly minimal.

Mary has very deep pockets and she can get a surprising about in them, but she forgets half the time. Except to always have a pencil and a sketchbook.

Izzy just keeps duplicates of everything he needs in his usual locations, including his car. He does often find tubes of Lucius' lip balm in his pockets though because...

Lucius just generally stores his belongings in the world. He carries a satchel, but he has pencils, lip balms, tissue packets, condoms and lube sachets, safety pins, and sometimes entire spare outfits just cached away like a demented squirrel. Everyone at the Revenge has Lucius' things somewhere in their home and half of them have no idea how they got there or even that they're there at all. Usually Lucius forgets himself until he needs something and can summon it like magic.

[tinytinybumblebee]

Everyone on the Revenge who has a babie space - izzy, Ed, Jim, Swede, anyone else? - normally their regression gets spaced out so there's only one or two babies at a time, but every so often it coincides so that the Revenge turns into a nursery for the day, everyone is just trading off babies in shifts, tryna keep them all fed, clean and happy

Aww!! Those 4 are definitely the ones who slip to a babie, even newborn headspace amongst the crew ;w; ♡

But 🥺 aaaa!!! 4 babies!!! 4 itty-bitty pirates!!♡♡♡

Oluwande has Jim, babie Jim only wants their Oluwande!! No one else can hold Jim, maybe Lucius but only if Oluwande is within view ;w;

Swede clings to Roach and Frenchie, Frenchie is probably thrilled to be big brother to Swede, playing him music and playing! Roach makes sure the blonde babie is eating healthy/drinking his juices!!

With Izzy and Ed, oh goodness those two babies want their Mama Stede! Stede has two arms so he can hold his boys but, Fang + Ivan are there to help out! Shifts when Stede needs to go change Ed, so Fang bounces Izzy on his knee while Ivan is cooing at the babie Izzy♡♡

Lucius, Pete and Wee-John are there to help out too! They're like, the cool babysitters because Lucius reads to the babies, Pete will show the babies stuff he's widdled and Wee-John plays with the babies with dollies he's made for them♡♡

[chordsykat]

13, 32, F

For Caj 😍

13: What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

It’s questions like this that make me think a lot of you guys are paying very close attention to the stuff I post here. I’ve taken every opportunity I could come across to have Caj’s past self portrayed in stark black in contrast to past-Skwisgaar’s white. As usual, I there is a reason for this, and why they’re both kinda in duller shades of gray these days.

But yeah, back to the real question, she prefers it. And who doesn’t like a Caj in skintight black leather? :9

32:  Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Stop me if you guys have heard this one:   Hvad sker der, hvis en dansk blondine flytter til Sverige? Den gennemsnitlige intelligens i begge lande stiger. Skwisgaar has yet to work this one out as an insult to both blondes and Swedes.

F:  What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

I have a detailed answer here which “explains” the comic above... :D 

I just... I just had to draw it. You guys. It’s so stupid. Great questions! Thank you so very much for prompting me!

[alexskarsgardnet]

New Interview & Photo Shoot!  Alex photographed by Johan Sandberg and interviewed by Timothy Small for L’Uomo Vogue (October 2020)!

Alexander Skarsgård: the photo shoot and interview for L'Uomo

BY TIMOTHY SMALL, JOHAN SANDBERG 25 SEPTEMBER 2020

Alexander Skarsgård is a really, really nice man. A Swede through and through, Alexander, or Alex, is a very down-to-earth gentleman who could definitely act as more of a big shot, considering he is also one of the most interesting actors in Hollywood right now, a town that, in true Swedish style, he once defined as “kind of silly”. After getting his first big break as the lead in David Simon's excellent Iraq War mini-series for HBO, Generation Kill, Skarsgård exploded in our collective imaginations as Eric Northman in True Blood, while also acting for Lars von Trier in the wonderful Melancholia. 

Since then, he has been a very buff Tarzan in The Legend of Tarzan, a mute bartender in future Berlin in Mute, a very dark killer in Hold the Dark, and a hilarious Canadian Prime Minister in Long Shot, as well as giving an Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning turn in HBO's Big Little Lies. The self-defined “restless” 43-year-old is set to star in The Northman, Robert Eggers's highly anticipated third film, a “Viking revenge story” that Skarsgård himself was crucial in bringing to production – and, by all accounts, it seems like it could have all the right pieces to become a future cult classic. It certainly has that kind of hype.

L'Uomo Vogue:  The Northman is such an interesting project. I know it's important to you. It's also part of a growing resurgence of interest in the Viking era and Norse mythology and that sort of epic Scandinavian adventure. How did it all begin?

Alex:  It all started seven or eight years ago. As a Swede living in America, I realised there was a certain level of fascination with the Viking era and Viking culture – and this was before any of the Viking shows that have since happened. It made me realise that there basically had never been a real great epic Viking movie made, and I thought that that's what I wanted to do.

LV:  So how did the project kick off?

Alex:  I started having conversations with a studio back then, trying to crack the best story. All I knew at the time is that I wanted to make a big Viking movie. We had a couple of potential different starting points: we had a story about two brothers, and then one about the Viking travels down to Constantinople with the Viking siege of the city. We were looking for the right story, but I never really felt we were there. I knew the scope I wanted it to exist in. But what was the story?

LV:  And that's when you met Robert Eggers.

Alex:  Yes, like three or four years ago. We met about something else. I can't remember how, but we started talking about Vikings. And he was, like me, a huge fan of Viking culture and of that historical era, and I immediately felt he would be the perfect guy to direct this movie. And then we found an author and poet in Iceland, Sjón, who came onboard to write the screenplay – and they did a fantastic job, just cracking the story and the essence of it.

LV:  Sounds great.

Alex:  It's a real adventure movie, but it's much more. It taps into the culture, and the mysticism of the Vikings, it becomes more intimate and more personal. I didn't want it to be a generic “swords-and-sandals” movie. Robert is one of the best filmmakers out there. And the whole process is so much more gratifying than when you're quote-unquote “just an actor”. It's been truly extraordinary.

LV:  But then you had to halt production.

Alex:  Yeah. I was in Belfast, Northern Ireland, three months into prep on The Northman about seven days away from principal photography. Just gearing up, you know, getting ready to start a very long, very intense shoot -- a shoot that we were scheduled to wrap in July – and that's when the virus hit.

LV:  What did you do then?

Alex:  I normally live in New York, while my family lives in Stockholm. When the first wave came, I was on the fence: nobody really knew how long it would be, or what precisely was going on. So we shut down production for six weeks. The idea was to then see what would happen. I basically moved to Stockholm for four months.

LV:  How do you feel about this forced break from work?

Alex:  I had not been home for this long in... more than 20 years. It was strange. We were in a bubble; we were all healthy and safe. In a lot of ways, I had moments when I felt being surrounded by my loving family, feeling safe and loved, and taking a break from work, but then also feeling very guilty because I was, for the lack of a better term, being spared.

LV:  In the past, you've described yourself as being a nomad. Did you miss Sweden and the North?

Alex:  I realised how much I have been missing it. I go to Sweden regularly, but usually only for three or four days, maybe a week, tops. My father and two of my brothers are actors, so we're used to never being in the same city. We all travel all over the world. Maybe we'd get back together for Christmas. And I can really say that I had missed spring in Sweden.

LV:  Do you think we will change the way movies are produced?

Alex:  We're going to have to figure out how to shoot movies with dozens of crew members and hundreds of extras while still respecting social distancing rules. It's an unprecedented situation and everyone is scrambling to figure out the best approach. My brother was one of the first people who worked in our industry during the pandemic. He shot a movie in Iceland in the middle of the lockdown. The way they solved it is they split the crew into colour sections. So, hair and make-up had yellow armbands and the camera department had blue, and they had a “Corona appointee” on set who would call out, “Now blue go in!” and then “Blue, out! And yellow, in!” And then they would all do their job in turns. It was very military-like. Productions are already complicated, so we'll just have to add another layer.

LV:  How did you become an ambassador to the Clarks brand?

Alex:  To me, authenticity is very important. I don't want to endorse products I don't genuinely like. That's why I was excited when Clarks reached out. I've been wearing Desert Boots for 25 years. Also, I like to travel a lot. I like to explore new cities by foot. I want to be able to walk around comfortably in a classic, iconic shoe. I travel from movie set to movie set, and I often live out of a suitcase. And this teaches you to be frugal. Whatever fits in that suitcase, that's all I can bring.

LV:  Is that the Swede in you?

Alex:  Maybe. But we consume way too many things in this society. Also, you give things more meaning when you live with them, and when you go on adventures with them. Like, these are my boots. I've been places with them. And when they fall apart, I'll buy a new pair. If you have the right stuff to begin with, you don't need more.

LV:  Going back to The Northman, that really sounds like a dream project.

Alex:  It is. It will be a rollercoaster ride. I can't wait to get back to Northern Ireland and get back to the production. It's also a very physically demanding project, so I have been training for, well, since a few months before production stopped.

LV: In a way, getting into a role, getting on a movie set, acting through it, the whole process of making a movie is a bit like a little adventure. You have to prep, you have to travel, often with people you don't know, and you have to push boundaries.

Alex:  Absolutely! A huge part of the appeal of this profession is you get to travel, and you meet amazing, interesting people from all over. And the uncertainty, you know? What was it, 12 years ago, I was in New York, and I'd never heard of Generation Kill. And then two days later I was on a plane to the Kalahari Desert to be out there for seven months to shoot the series. And I'll never forget the feeling, sitting on that plane, thinking, “Two days ago I didn't even know about this project, and here I am on my way to Southern Africa to spend seven months in the desert with 200 strangers.” It's very exciting.

LV:  What a feeling that must be!

Alex:  And every single job is like that. Every movie is different. Your part, the tone, the energy, the people – it's always different. And for someone like myself, who has that kind of wanderlust, who's always looking on the horizon, it's very attractive to never know just what the next adventure might be.

October 14, 2020:  Updated with the full interview courtesy of our friends at the ASkarsLibrary (x).

Fashion credits:

Photographs by Johan Sandberg Styling by Martin Persson Grooming Karin Westerlund @ Lundlund Hair Amanda Lund @ Lundlund Stylist’s assistant Isabelle Larsson Digital Daniel Lindgren Production Madeleine Mårtensson and Olle Öman @ Lundlund

Read the full interview by Timothy Small and see the photo shoot by Johan Sandberg in the October issue of L'Uomo, on newsstands from September 22nd.

Sources/Thanks:  Interview:  Timothy Small for L’Uomo Vogue (x), Photos:  Johan Sandberg for L’Uomo Vogue (x), artlistparis.com (x) via artlistparisnewyork instagram (x),  luomovogue instagram (x) &  atomomanagement.com (x) via atomomanagement instagram (x), our caps from artlistparisnewyork’s September 23, 2020 insta story (x, x)

[ariendiel]

I’m currently stuck at home because my roommate tested positive and it made me wonder: how would the LI’s spend quarantaine?

Noooo, I'm so sorry, anon! Hope it's not too bad, and if you catch it too your immune system better ✨ annihilate✨ those little viruses. Thanks for the ask though, I loved this one!

How the LIs spend quarantine

Bobby

He'll start by think it'll be great, bake a lot and watch his favourite comfort movies before realising that was just day one, and then slowly start to panic. By the end he'll probably have watched every single Disney animated film and been through approximately 5 existential crises per day

Carl

Okay, but Carl is someone I think would be able to work from home, so you bet he'd try to just keep up with it and pretend like everything's the same. However, he will definitely sneakily re-watch some episodes of Star Trek and/or his favourite anime in the background though

Elisa

Okay, but we can all agree Elisa would make the absolute most out of it as an influencer, right? She'd promote lounge wear, skin care, self care, you name it. She'd document the whole thing on social media, work on brand deals etc. That girl never rests, and sees opportunities everywhere, and I love that for her

Gary

Honestly? He'd probably really miss regular life. Going to visit his nan, hanging out with his mates at the pub, the gym, being at work. But, he'd handle it as well as he can, keeping himself occupied by maybe doing some small home renovation stuff, cleaning the yard, starting a small building project and so on!

Henrik

Poor restless Swede would almost definitely cry while longingly looking outside, like a puppy wanting to go for a walk. Man was not meant to be quarantined inside, and if his lives close enough to nature he'd probably still sneak out for some solitary walks. Still, I think part of him would use the quarantine to relax and do other things he enjoy

Ibrahim

For Rahim I can actually see him enjoying the break from golf as I don't think it's his biggest passion in life (confimed by CMM). Instead, he'd spend the time doing what he wants for once, which I think would be reading and practicing drawing comics. He probably has a home gym too, so he'd be fine in terms of keeping active

Jakub

Worst for Jakub would for sure be how he's unable to go to the gym. So the second he finds out he'll start making a home gym. Everything is now gym equipment and the livingroom is his gym, no virus is going to stop his gains (I also low-key think Jakub would be the type to break quaratine...)

Lucas

He's a physio, not a doctor, but I still think that's something that makes him takes these things very seriously. He's also just in general a responsible guy. He'd spend the time tidying in his document folders etc. on his computer, do some work outs at home, some educational reading, maybe try some Korean cooking... Emphasis on try. Also lots of the horizontal tango and cuddling on the sofa while relaxing together

Marisol

I think she'd be okay at first, doing some reading, tidying her flat, studying/working remotely, doing lots of adult hugging... But after a few days I think she'd start to get super restless. Not being able to do what she wants really rubs her the wrong way and makes her feel super anxious

Noah

Okay, but Noah? Man probably thrives in quarantine. I mean, no one is allowed to bother him and he can justify spending lazy mornings in bed with a book and coffee. He'll catch up with his to-read pile, get to try that family recipe he's wanted to give a go for ages, and finally watch a few Criterion Collection films... Living his best life basically

[one-boring-person]

Requested by: @phantomshadow13

I had fun writing this, so I hope you like reading it!😊💛

Not One To Brag.

Gunnar Jensen (The Expendables) x reader

Warnings: swearing

Masterlist

It's surprisingly brisk in the hangar this morning, especially for mid-July, the five mercenaries bustling about all wearing thicker shirts under their body armour, most also wearing gloves, though this is more of a choice made to protect their hands against possible threat in their upcoming job, as opposed to fighting off the cold. Breath materializes in the air as pale mist, blowing past parted lips in lazy gusts, curling around the face of each man respectively as they go about their usual tasks. Light conversation runs back and forth, mostly between Caesar, Toll and Gunnar, as Lee and Barney bicker amongst themselves over in the corner, as they always do. 

In his hands, Gunnar's allocated handgun looks small, the grip dwarfed by his long fingers as he checks it over, slotting it into a holster at his hip as he goes to inspect some of the more heavy artillery they'll be taking with them. He can't think of anything more annoying than having to carry that stuff through a sweltering jungle in Ecuador - the most destructive guns all weigh far too much to carry comfortably in suffocating humidity, but for whatever reason Barney insisted on taking them along. Both Caesar and Gunnar had complained, knowing they'll be stuck carrying the burdens around, being the tallest of the group and all, but their boss hadn't relented.

Even now, Gunnar has to fight back an exasperated sigh as he heaves a minigun up, checking over the chain of rounds and firing mechanisms for possible faults: If he has to lug that thing around, he'd at least like to know it works. Smoothing a hand down the barrel, he feels it over to make sure there are no weaknesses to it, before he puts it down, inspecting the trigger, trigger guard and safety over just as carefully. In doing so, he fails to notice Barney calling out to someone until he hears his name being roped into the sentence.

"Gunnar! There's a girl here to see you!" Lee shouts back at him from his position beside Barney, the Brit craning his neck to find the Swede.

Frowning, the tall blonde straightens and steps out from behind the plane, a surprised look crossing his face as he sees who it is. Instantly, he goes over, ignoring the remarks as he passes Caesar and Toll Road, who he distinctly catches saying "I didn't know he had a daughter". 

Unsurprisingly, (Y/n) looks terribly out of place amongst the varied weaponry around her, the young woman eyeing a nearby crate of hand grenades with slight unease in her expression. Her civilian clothing is also a marked difference, a stark contrast with the thick body armour the others wear, serving to draw yet more attention to herself. Despite all this, however, she is smiling politely, a box in her hands as she waits for Gunnar to reach her, unsure of how much farther into the hangar she should go. She isn't left waiting for long, as the Swede's long legs bring him over to her very quickly.

"(Y/n)? What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Are you ok?" He immediately asks her, still ignoring the stares of his comrades as they watch the interaction.

"I'm fine, don't worry. Everything's ok." She chuckles, waving him off, "You just forgot your lunch, that's all."

He blinks, stopping still, the notion completely lost on him, given his profession: he rarely even thought to bring lunch, so being told he forgot it is almost a shock to the system. Behind him, he can almost feel the others lifting their eyebrows, concealed amusement already waiting for him when he turns around again.

"My lunch?" He questions, somewhat confused.

"Yeah, I made you lunch, remember? You left it in the fridge this morning. Thought I'd try and get it to you before you left the country." (Y/n) reminds him, stepping closer to hand him the box, her eyes travelling to the others as she leans in to whisper to him, "Should I have brought them something?"

"No, no, don't worry. They're all covered." Gunnar laughs gently, taking the box sheepishly, now remembering what she meant as he pulls her into his waist awkwardly, "Thanks, love."

"No problem." She smiles wider, leaning up on her toes to press a swift kiss to his cheek.

Behind him, Lee manages an awkward cough, clearly trying to remind them that they're still around his colleagues. Pulling back, Gunnar looks to the rest of the hangar, gesturing to each of the others respectively.

"Sorry, I should've introduced you. That's Toll Road, Caesar, Lee and my boss, Barney." The four others nod, saying brief "hello"s, smiling politely at her.

"Good to finally meet you, (Y/n)." Barney greets, his rough voice sounding friendly as he addresses her.

"Yeah, we haven't heard much about you." Lee agrees, amusement lacing his tone as he sends a pointed look Gunnar's way.

"Not one to brag." The blonde responds, shrugging with a grin as he holds (Y/n) against him.

At that, everyone in the room snorts, including his girlfriend, finding that statement highly amusing.

"What?" Gunnar protests, looking around at them all.

"I think we all know you could brag for Sweden." (Y/n) laughs, slapping his chest lightly as the others agree.

"She's right. You haven't got a modicum of modesty." Barney chimes in, leaning back against a nearby crate.

"That's not true!" Gunnar tries to disagree, only to be interrupted.

"Bullshit. You brag like you got something to brag about." Caesar quips, smirking at his words.

"Got more to brag about than you do." Gunnar responds, "Good aim, for one." 

Caesar goes to argue, only for Lee to cut in.

"Alright, ladies, keep it together." His snide tone makes (Y/n) laugh quietly, the young woman watching the exchange with interest.

Gunnar and Caesar both grumble, clearly not pleased with being reprimanded.

"I'm gonna go, then. I'll see you in two days, ok?" She says, turning to Gunnar properly.

"Yeah, see you then." He smiles down at her, pressing a careful kiss to her lips.

Pulling back, she moves out of his grip, but not before turning back to him once more.

"Be safe, don't get yourself killed. If you do, I'll personally pull your heavy ass back into the world of the living so I can kick it for being so stupid." She smirks at him, waving to all the others as she leaves for real.

Silence settles on the others, during which time Gunnar moves back over to the minigun he was fussing with before.

"For a guy who never shuts up, you really managed to keep her quiet." Barney comments from across the room, chuckling as he starts to polish his revolver.

"Is that why you stopped hitting on every woman you saw? I did wonder." Toll chips in, the others agreeing.

"Like I said, I don't like to brag." Gunnar shrugs again, choosing to ignore the friendly jibes.

The others all groan in exasperation, Lee and Caesar scoffing at the confession.

"We are not having this conversation again!" Barney says, before anyone else can.