#stuff still happened. people still got hurt.
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Lucanis x Rook x Spite
Okay hear me out tho
Throuples? Not usually my jam. Unless things like, genuinely make sense and it feels like it actually works. But I guess it's just cuz that's how I view most ships in general. But basically I've never made a throuple just for the sake of having a throuple. That's just not for me.
BUT.
lemme just.....
(I'm putting this behind a cut cuz it's a lot of rambling most people probs don't care about. There are spoilers not like HEAVY spoilers but def stuff mentioned from like end game time frame.)
I do think Spite actually appreciates Rook from the get go, at least in my play it felt like that cuz I never reacted to Spite related convos in a perceived negative way. And all Spite really wants to do is talk to Rook from the start, Lucanis is the one stubborn about that not happening for a while. The main time he properly can, he literally asks Rook for help. Like genuinely asks for help for both him and Lucanis. "Help us" he says.
So I think his fondness for Rook grows like Lucanis' does. Naturally over time. Now is it because they're tied together? Who knows. I'm not sure it's clear that their feelings influence each others, I don't think that's addressed, the two still feel pretty separate in that regard...? (I'm in the middle of replaying so maybe there's shit I missed the first time I dunno)
Now the wings situation there's a voice line where Lucanis openly admits to Harding he has 0 control over the wings. The wings are 100% Spite. So spite does it to help. So them fighting is just team up, rather than one using the other. So if there's ever a situation Spite might be mad at Lucanis, he's probs gonna get no help. No wings. sdjhfgdjfhg
BUT THIS MEANS in the Romance scene when those wings pop... Spite's consciously involved. He's made the decision to not sit this one out. My guy created a threesome without warning. 😂 Either he is just like super rooting for them and ships them too and is being the worlds best wingman (pun intended) by lending aid or he's getting in on that action cuz he's also developed some sort of feels as well. Tbh it could go either way... The point is, he got involved.
But there's also evidence later in a possible party banter with Solas where Spite accuses Solas of trying to hurt Rook and is like ready to go to war for Rook against Solas. kdfjghdfkjgh
So... We have no idea what Spite and Lucanis chat about when Rook isn't around so who knows. But the vibes are there where this would in fact be a situation where this kind of ship makes sense.
Either way those three really need to talk about this... 😂
#text post#character rambles#dragon age spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#da:tv#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#lucanis x rook#dragon age spite#Lucanis x Rook x Spite#dragon age rook#Don't look at me this has been rotting my brain for the last while kfdjghdkfjgh
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Hiiii i love your blogs i’ve been following gaga for AT LEAST a year now and i’m so happy your back! Could you write a NSFW Euronymous hc? Anything NSFW please i'm needy.
✭ euronymous nsfw headcannon ✭
i love you so much for one requesting and two following my page for that long. thanks bitch<3 PSA, if you do not support or agree with my post or feel the need to leave a hateful/judgemental comment kindly fuck off and move on. with much love-knotty<<<333
LISTEN
im gonna say this flat out, i feel like he lowkey is childish with stuff like this
like giggly
a friendly reminder euronymous and øystein are the same person with different personalities
so øystein
this man was BLUSHING the first couple times he saw you naked
then that turned into just staring at you in awe and he hasn't really stopped doing that since
hes gentle
hes more of a giver than a receiver imo
its easier for him to finish than it is for you and he knows this
so making you more so of a priority in his mind is the obvious choice
he wants to make sure you're okay and it feels good for you before he worries about himself
but when he does worry about himself this man is vocal
not necessarily dirty talk
more so like quiet moans, whispers, small grunts and sighs
he loves head tho
when he gets head those are the moments where he can be GREEDY
he pushes your head down, you choke
"shit sorry"
and then the motherfucker will do it again
i see him being very much into missionary
he wants to see you
how you react to things
how you're feeling
the look on your face tells him what he needs to be doing
he will go down whenever
for however long
if it takes all day he's got time
he enjoys it
is it the taste? is it your body twitching under him? is it your moans?
he doesnt know, but its addicting
and he's got that "nobody else makes you feel this way" or "nobody else can make you sound like this" attitude
that really gets him feeling some sort of way
he will practically beg for you to sit on his face
a million pleases until you say yes
and its like he's more excited for it than you are
him praising you
AGAIN not in a dirty talk way but more like
"you look so beautiful" while you are FOLDED
definitely would keep a polaroid of you(iykwim) in his wallet, hidden behind some cash or maybe behind a more appropriate picture of you
possessive in a doesn't want a threesome way
like doesn't want anybody touching you or seeing you the way he does
he absolutely loves to show you off and brag about you to everyone and hear people compliment you but he would never let it go past that
pre show sex
it may take some convincing or teasing him to get him to actually do it in public but after the first time he is all for it everytime
after show sex
if this man is wanting to fuck you after a show, he is still in this mindset where he isnt øystein, hes euronymous
and if that's case you're getting a cocky motherfucker
hes high on adrenaline
he just spent a solid what hour? two hours? listening to people cheer for him
like yeah this mans ego is FED
this is the time he'd be more aggressive
more vocal
yes ACTUALLY dirty talk
PRAISING
he is still more focused on you than himself but its closer to 50/50 than what it normally is
i think his actions are based on your likes
if you like your hair being pulled itll more likely happen when he's in this mindset where isn't himself and he's this persona
because øystein is worried about hurting you
not saying he wouldnt
im just saying its more likely when you get him out of the mindset of you being like this person he wants to love and protect
lets face it, he is a small man
he is not tall and he is not big nor buff
in his eyes hes like your protector
hes the man in the relationship
or the masculine(?) one
and that's just nature for him
so hurting you?
is the LAST thing he wants to do to you
ok aftercareeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
at home he's gonna cling to you
hug you, hold you, kiss you
you ever seen that picture where he was staring at the bird
did you see the way that man was staring at that bird?
you're the bird.
thats how that man stares at you
softly smiling, his eyes full of love
would probs just have you fall asleep in his arms
if you are not home
sly looks
smirks and grins coming your way
little whispers commenting about what y'all just did
and how nobody knows what just happened
like a proud moment
like yeah we did that
he'd kiss you a couple times
hold your hand
or just stare at you and smile
no matter who he is in that moment that man is GEEKING
HE just did the deed with YOU
how did he get so lucky
#øystein aarseth#oystein aarseth x reader#euronymous fanfic#euronymous x reader#euronymous#oystein aarseth#90s#lord of chaos#lords of chaos#pelle ohlin#mayhem#black metal#norway#norweigan black metal#dead#80s#metal#metal fanfic#fanfic
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Does it piss anyone else off that barely anyone holds garmadon accountable for his actions and then they give people crap for being upset with him after he's hurt them
#thinking of lloyd in crystalised and wu in toe.#like.#how dare they be upset.#im sorry but 'youre no sensei and you never have been' is NOTHING compared to what garmadon did are you SERIOUS#youre like the teacher snapping at me.for telling a girl in high school not to spa#speak to me like im five lmao#jesus christ#'it wasnt his fault 🥺🥺🥺' doesn't matter#stuff still happened. people still got hurt.#and theyre ALLOWED to feel hurt goddammit#real 'you cant blame them they were drunk' vibes here ngl#its funny cause even garmadon acknowledges he did those things.and takes responsibility for them#which is. why he sacrificed.himself to sabe everyone#because he knew he couldnt make up for all the bad he had done but at least he could do this#jelp save everuone and right a wrong of the past in the process#but noooo nothing is his fault and wu is awful.for being upset that he stole his letter broke his trust and lied to misako#im really.#tired of this fandom sometimes#shout out to garmadon fans who actuqllu hold him accountable for what he did youre the only ones that dont drive me up a wall 👍
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It’s actually insane how fandom in general has become so scared of making weird and dark and ugly works. Like I look at myself and see how I have also subconsciously adapted this instinct to self censor and make things “marketable” and it’s making me want to crawl out of my skin. I need to get weirder and worse and more off-putting hello
#I need to write a proper Spectra&Gus meta bc it’s been cooking me how people don’t Want to see the insanity in them#argh#d0 stuff#negative#d0 smashes the keyboard#like yes#Gus’s devotion and loyalty are extreme and these feelings make him do stupid things that he is absolutely aware of being stupid#but let’s not pretend that these feelings go both ways in their relationship#Spectra (for like. the majority of the New Vestroia except the maybe last 12 eps?) sees Gus as a convenient tool#like Yeah he is like. a person and all that but Spectra doesn’t Interact with him when it doesn’t concern his business so#and also yes. he gives Gus a level of autonomy that one might not exactly expect from how usually these relationships go but#one Has to question if it’s bc of his goodwill or bc he is safe in his knowledge that Gus would never leave him#which. fun and sick and makes them sooo compelling#I would also argue that Spectra/Keith don’t even miss Gus when he ‘died’ as a person at first#but as the second pair of hands for work#like it was quite funny to see Spectra give instructions to air only to be reminded that his minion died#but it does rise the question of why hasn’t it happened before or in any other situation#(which I must say I really dig because yes. Spectra has always been centred around his ambitions so ofc this is where it would hurt first)#but yeah. sth sth Spectra only starts his journey of Actually giving a shit about Gus and acknowledging his importance to him as a person#by the end of nv#you could still argue it was partially (or maybe wholly) motivated by convenience that Gus presents but#it really was the first time Spectra has personally expressed his tie to Gus gah#all of this to say#they are sickos; each in their own way; and I think we can really make this more sinister and insane than we’ve allowed ourselves#throughout the years so far#like yeah. can I see them as a happy couple? sure! but also can I see this as a very codependent (more so from Gus’s angle) relationship#that’s being sprinkled with Tons of manipulation from Spectra? also yes#actually sorry for this wall of tags idk what got me thinking about them again#but it’s so so biting the bars day bc these guys are so fun!! we just have to let them be and maybe read canon through less good intentions#ok uhhh
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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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*peeks out from the rock i was hiding under* ... hi
#spice.txt#sorry ... i didnt intend for this to happen#i just uh ... i spiraled again and i needed to go and stay away from everyone for a while#doing that aggie when i wasnt 100% mentally ready to do one was a bad idea#im glad everyone else had fun tho#my feelings got hurt by several people but its prob bc im too sensitive and stuff and im sorry if i made anyone worry with my abrupt leave#both like from the aggie AND from tumblr for this past week ... but im also sorry to assume that anyone DID worry#i dont want to seem entitled to think anyone actually did miss me bc i wouldn't blame you lol#anyway... sorry again... ill be slowly coming back i hope#things are still a little touch and go ... im just struggling with my own self image and self worth when it comes to my place here#as in ososan tumblr... i just feel underappreciated but at the same time i dont think im worth appreciating so im having a lot of inner#like .... turmoil#feeling stupid and stuff... im working on it#spice.vent#sorry if u chose to read this
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im really like a sponge sometimes huh
#river.txt#its only really been the past. year-ish? maybe less?#because before i was probably less in touch with my own emotions and definitely still had the habit of bottling shit up#and not to mention before that i was on this hardcore emotions/feelings diet lmao idk what else to call it#but i basically refused to acknowledge anything ever i was just straight up emotionless feelingless#but ever since therapy and opening up about stuff there and etc etc#i generally became more. sensitive to the inner workings of myself#And. the point of this post: to other people#so back to my sponge point#lately i really feel like a sponge because#i can be having an okay brain day and then one of my friends says they are upset or something happens or whatever#and im instantly feeling so fucking shit im all like oh ok nvm life bad actually life is so shit im so sad and/or angry#idk i cant explain it i just absord it so fast and it can instantly impact and change my own mood#like today i was in the mountains right. nice cozy autumnal time. felt chilled.#but then i was on the train back home and i started talking to a friend and we talked about all this. hmm.#shitty server stuff. just bad vibes. he is upset because of the same stuff as me too. we were both hurt by someone. etc#so we started discussing that but then it got more personal and he said how he is really not doing well and how hurt he is#and i just had a nice mountain time i was feeling ok but after this i was immediately just#so fucking down
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the Nate Shelley s3 arc reminds me of the s5 Murphy arc in terms of how much I actually loved it despite it not being widely liked by the fandom and was actually disappointed because it wasn't ugly enough lol
and it's basically the same arc. character with deep-seated wounds and a lack of true self-love has realistic, damaging coping methods and crashes and burns spectacularly by hurting other people around them and isolating themselves because it doesn't matter how good things get for you, deep-seated wounds that don't get addressed will eventually come out one way or another. and it will be ugly when they do.
the Murphy arc was disappointing because it got wrapped up way too easily with Memori getting back together which didn't actually address ANY of Murphy's issues and Nate's was disappointing because it just didn't commit fully to being ugly and didn't let him be enough of an asshole
#with murphy it's like. do the writers even reallly REALIZE what they had written on a character level and how much it made sense and added#to murphy's character or did they just develop a reason for Memori to break up for drama and then didn't care to actually go through the#work of character growth and just got them together at the end of the season no issues#and with nate it's like. yes I DO think the majority of audiences and the fandom would have absolutely villianized nate if he had been even#meaner in s3 and probably wouldn't have celebrated him getting back with the team. I just KNOW people would have been talking about how he#didn't deserve it or hadn't made up for it enough if he had been worse in s3#which is so unfair when a) this show tries to show how hurt can make people ugly and b) other characters get the benefit of the doubt wa#more than nate. (jamie's a little different bc it's easier to accept asshole > redeemed arcs a little more than likeable > downfall to#asshole > redeemed again bc we see the transition to being an asshole#BUT also. still. jamie did some nasty stuff that people just forget or completely forgive. and he ends up fandom favorite#and it's not that nate needed to become the fan fave or anything#I just wish people would give characters who are realistically ugly and human and complicated more grace#especially when they're not the conventionally attractive fan fave pretty boy you know#or like with murphy it's like all his actual harsh edges got sanded down by fandom. same as with Jamie#so even when he had an arc where he was acting terribly in a self destructive unhealthy kind of way that hurt others#people made it ALL about his hurt uwu other people hurt him!! it was Emori's fault!! he did nothing wrong bc he has trauma!! instead of lik#accepting that hurt people hurt people is more than a simple phrase it is true and human and UGLY when it happens#anyways#why do i always ramble more in the tags and write like a full epilogue in here
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It’s funny how some things can just instantly transport you back to the times you felt small and helpless. Getting iced and ignored in a group/ group chat. Struggling to understand something. Feeling lonely. Getting weird looks. Being laughed at. Suddenly I’m back in elementary school wondering why everyone picks on me, middle school wondering what’s wrong with me and why I can’t make friends, high school being pushed and shoved and ostracized. And I know I’m an adult now, and if people want to act immature and treat other people like garbage then it’s their loss not mine, but it always shocks me that for all of those things I repeat to myself, for my years of working on my self confidence and growth and understanding, how quickly I can be brought low from others. The little kid that felt like no one would ever care about them is still there somewhere. Realizing the struggle will never be over is depressing
#vent#bro this is why I don’t like servers with people I don’t know we’ll#*well#someone asked me a question bc they were interested in something I said and I responded with a slightly long message explaining#then for two hours there was just absolute silence in that channel. finally everyone just pretended the convo didn’t happen and moved on#edit: actually checked and it was almost four hours.#there is 95 members in that group chat#it’s so fucking stupid. it shouldn’t make me feel that way.#I feel like an over dramatic bitch feeling hurt from it#I was wondering why the hell I felt so down about it and couldn’t just move on and it occurred to me#that it was probably bc i haven’t exactly healed from that happening growing up#at least one of the reasons I mean#hell I’m grown and it STILL happens everywhere#and sometimes I just get so tired not knowing what I did to get that sort of response. I get so tired#at work someone summed me up to another person by saying I’m ‘pretty awkward but work hard’. I thought I got along w them pretty well#least I thought we were cool until he said that. made me realize that I was still too weird for him#the reason he likes me is just because I bust my ass trying to actually work. it’s not because of anything outside of that#I learned to be outgoing w my coworkers bc otherwise they project stuff onto me and speak for me#I still got the ‘you’re a little too quiet and don’t involve yourself with the group’ talk from my manager#i keep to myself. then I’m creepy and no one knows me well enough to care when I do speak#and then the moment I say more than two things I’m talking to much#realizing that the struggle never ends even outside of school fucking sucks man
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It's giving the...main character syndrome. like who tf does she think she is??? Y/N???
NO OH MY GOSH ANON. LET ME TELL YOU. LET ME FRIGGIN TELL YOU.
#okay so i need to give her a name. we will call her yn bc she is just so different and quirky and not like other girls#so i haven't liked yn since freshman year (am a junior) because she seemed incredibly pretentious. she has like awards n stuff for this#asian advocation group and tons of other stuff which is GOOD. but she has a tendency to brag and be very cocky about it.#AND YOU KNOW WHAT. IT WASNT JUST ME. MY FRIEND FROM SEMINAR who we will call Pie for certain reasons (her name rhymes with it) AGREED WITH#ME ABOUT YN BEING COCKY! and Pie and Yn are in the same group since they are both Asian and ppl at my school typically hang out w their rac#is that racist? like there's an asian boys group and asian girls group. but it's only asians and white people; but it's weird since a large#portion of my school is hispanic. i dunno WEIRD SIDE TANGENT BUT BASICALLY THEY ARE IN THE SAME GROUPS; RIGHT? so Pie was agreeing that Yn#can be very pretencious; and I'm then like#oh i don't really like her for the cheating stuff she did with Mac (fake name) and how she got#him to basically cheat on his girlfriend“ and Pie says ”oh well Mac started it; but Yn lead him on for over a month while he had a gf#and they kept this going until Yn decided to break things off; WHICH MEANS MAC'S NOW EX GIRLFRIEND NEVER KNEW ABOUT ANYTHING W MAC N YN!#also allegedly according to my boyfriend; Yn was doing homework as Mac was yk DOING it to Yn and she just like... LET IT HAPPEN WHILE HE HA#A GIRLFRIEND. HELLO? and when Yn ends it; he's like “omg but yn... i love you...” “no. i'll only hurt you; if you're with me it'll only hur#uh okay 25k words slowburn vibes.... ANYWAYS so she takes screenshots and sends them in a SUPER big groupchat with 20+ people (including Pi#and my boyfriend) and Pie (who was childhood friends with Mac) called her out saying how it was also kind of her fault for being with a guy#who was in a relationship; but she got super defensive about it. and this same thing happened AGAIN 2ish months later with a girl Jas and#her boyfriend Ben; where Yn was friends with both but basically was emotionally cheating with Jas; leading them to break up; and then she#GOT WITH JAS. HELLO???? WHAT??? and they r still together. none of them talk to Ben even though Yn said they were 'all cool and friends'#SUREEEE GIRL SURE. KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. and Pie called her out on this AGAIN since Pie is friends with Ben and Jas too but Yn got#defensive AGAIN! BC SHE KNOWS ITS A SHITTY THING TO DO! and Pie doesn't really like her because of it and when Pie told me all of that I wa#in shock. because Yn was trying to play the victim in the situation with Mac when she sent the messages to the gc; and tried to do that AGA#N BUT IN THE SITUATION WITH JAS LIKE NO U ARE JUST A CRAPPY PERSON ! and appearently she is SO toxic she was nearly kicked out from a#leadership role at my school's asian pacific islander club or something! like girl WAKE UP! but that's not all; so i didn't know she was#known for going for people who had partners; yet still didn't like her; and last school year (about 4 months ago) my boyfriend got a 'reall#bad haircut' (i thought it was cute; but everyone made fun of him ) and Yn RAN around our campus trying to find him to make fun of him..#like wtf that's so weird and she will post screenshots of their convos on her story and be like 'omg he's bullying me!' when he's being dry#and did that in the gc (this time; i'm in it!) and i crashed out but my bf was apologizing and saying he told her to not post anything but#she didn't listen or something i guess. and sometimes when they are wearing similar outfits she'll post on her story that they are matching#um girl he has a wife and 12 kids. back the FUCK off. and i told him to distance himself from her or set boundries cuz i don't like that n#it makes me uncomfy; so he did which is good! but i still don't like Yn. she is a major pick-me IMO and very two-faced and covers her
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ok so i’m incapable of keeping literally anything to myself but i am feeling very emotional abt this so
#i went to this like adhd therapy group at shcool#and like these ppl were so articulate??? like i keep forgetting some people are very capable of saying things in a way that makes sense#and also help why was it relatable#anyways it’s nbd except it’s a big deal TO ME#and i also walked out feeling Shameful which is not great#but i hear is common?#hopefully?#and like yeah ok so i’m like oh i may actually be neurodivergent to the neurodivergent webbed site#but still i think i just held on to the idea that im a little quirky instead#and i worry everyone around me will be like ‘well duh’ but FUCK YOU#I DON’T WANT YOU TO ‘well duh’ ME YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT#evil part of my brain is like nah ur making too big a deal out of it you’re literally fine and normal#but considering how fucked up i actually have been the past eight months especially it’s like No No there’s something going on#and i can’t just be like yeah i’ve got *gestures vaguely* without actually doing anything about it#bc that’s gotten me in the worst mental state of my life#and i fully signed up for these therapy groups because i was feeling so bad#it was like 11pm and i was hating myself and my chest hurt and i was like yaknow there’s free shit somewhere to talk abt this stuff#and now it happened and i went and it was alright#i brought a fidget toy i stole from my sister and did some colouring and talk about how bad i am at getting shit done#but yeah everyone else was p cool like the vibes were cool#and i’m really excited for the next session bc we’re supposedly going to go on a Walk#i love walks
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#I wish I could go back in time never had met either of them#never trusted them never given them everything#I moved in with him because he begged me too I wanted to live alone#and now I’m getting fucked over#I do everything I can for people I pour everything I can into people#give them all my time and energy do anything I can to make them happy hurting myself in the process#and when they can’t get anything more out of me when they got bored of me I get treated like this#and left to rot#with nothing#and it keeps happening#I find a person who I think will genuinely care about me and love me the way I do for them#who truly wants me around#and I trust them#and they take that trust to use me and everything just keeps repeating#why can’t I just be loved#they only love me when they’re able to use me and make me into what they want#ghost rambles#they don’t even hide that they’re only using me by the end of it.#I’m there for every thing they struggle with whenever they feel alone#I get them presents I make them food and treats I get into whatever their interests are so they can show stuff off to me#but no one’s done it for me#they don’t even look when I try to show my art#they don’t care about my music#they were never there when I was struggling#shit there’s been times he found me crying with fresh cuts blade still out and just wants to talk about how everyone hates him#just wants me to drop everything to comfort him#ignores that id been crying couldn’t care less that I relapsed#it’s always about them
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something is definitely wrong with me but she's (jennifer) just like me fr
#mecore#i would treat the bad stuff happening to me as a spectacle actually#like the time i got assaulted. my first thoughts after its over was 'god damnit my favorite song was on when he almost raped me'#while also thinking im a fucking awesome ninja for not freezing up like last time i was assaulted (i was 12)#or that time i had to piss in a bag because my job basically doesnt allow bathroom breaks#'wow im living the omorashi fantasy! and everyone who is actually into piss was concerned i went through such a thing & i just didnt get it#i conveyed my feeling of being mentally stuck forever in the house i was growing up in where i was traumatized the most as#hahahaha my house is haunting me im such a ghost girl and its so hardcord that a part of my limbs are buried under the floors that place#and many many instances of me treating all of my personal traumas as a spectacle to behold like a fictional story to gawk at#and all of the times i fetishized my own assault and traumas and made it as fuel for strangers to jerk off to#i was on another stage of deflection#i did admit bad things happen to me but i treat it as a joke or i hyperdramatized it so people didnt know it actually hurts or triggering#i've been getting better about it but still. what i dont write in this blog. what i dont tell to other ppl could fill a library
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A sister's love
The justice league hurriedly responds to a call for backup at a little in the middle of nowhere place by the name of Amity Park.
The situation had seemed so simple.
A Star Sapphire had suddenly shown up on Earth which isn’t immediately cause for concern but she was unidentified, so a lantern was definitely going to have to look into it if only just to make sure that nothing bad was going on. There are two planet side green lanterns, Simon and Jessica. So they responded to handle the potential situation.
Things rapidly spun out of control when they realized it wasn't just a Star Sapphire.
"I hate to say this but we're gonna need backup" Simon tells Cyborg, "the Star Sapphire has brought something with her. My first guess was a white martian but..." The other one can do some manner of density shifting, and he can go invisible, but they know ways around that. Whatever this one is doing isn’t that though.
"Why isn't this working!?!" Comes Jessica's slightly panicked voice in the distance, "he keeps just going through my creations! dammit, think think Jess" She tried to contain him with a flamethrower construct but he just ignored it, like he’s seemingly ignoring everything else she’s throwing at him.
"Our constructs have zero effect on the other one, the alien, meta? man I don’t know he’s human shaped"
"What is the situation other than the two hostiles?"
"Uh we got some government agents who are retreating because of the Star Sapphire wrecking their stuff. And the civilian people here seem to be falling under her influence, so she must be human. She's from here, she needs emotional connection to pull that stuff off."
The people are furious, the violet glow around them clearly indicates that the girl is using her ring to amp them up but if Simon didn’t know any better he’d say this was red lantern stuff.
Well there are more ways to whip people up into a frenzy, by hurting their loved ones for example.
There is a brief moment where it can be heard that Simon and Jessica try to get into a more advantageous position.
Simon grunts, "dammit, those agents seemed to have weapons that actually worked on the other guy but the Star Sapphire used her violet constructs to shield him and destroy their guns and we've been struggling since" this whole situation stinks, he has a weird feeling about all of it.
"Simon this is really really bad, i can't keep restraining all these civilians, we're running out of energy fast!"
Cyborg tries to get a visual on the situation from his position in the Watchtower while he’s notifying any league affiliated heroes who are nearby and available.
But all of a sudden he realizes there is just nothing, just a big lap of void where the two lanterns are supposed to be, there is no cctv footage, no cell towers, no internet connection. Just what the hell is going on here.
Then the audio transmission starts to violently crackle.
A new voice laced with static can suddenly be heard, "There you two are"
"Shit"
"Is the justice league coming yet? Are they finally going to do something?" the staticy voice continues.
"Stay back you-"
"Or maybe they still need more of a reason to act"
The audio cuts out.
"Jessica! Simon! Come in!" ... "Shit!"
Cyborg finally gets a clear picture with the satellite cameras and now sees the entirety of Amity Park has been covered with a crystalized violet dome. It’s then that he remembers the story Hal told quite some time ago now about a Star Sapphire who managed to put a whole planet into love stasis.
They are gonna need more help with this one he thinks.
Meanwhile Jazz is still shakily trying to figure out how her new pink powers work, now that all the fighting is over (for now), the GIW forcefully expelled from Amity, and the two Justice league people captured and restrained.
Everything happened so fast, one moment the GIW had knocked out her brother and were forcefully taking him away and while she saw them drive off (she was pretty sure she was screaming) a pink thing just froze her in place, She was pretty sure someone said something about “great love in her heart” and then she was… well she was flying and- and there wasn’t really any time to question things then so she may have kinda gone and ripped into the van that had Danny.
She’s pretty sure she healed him, and then things just completely spiraled out of control from that point on. and now she’s here.
She’s pretty sure this is crazy villain behavior, she’s going to get put on some sort of watchlist and then she’ll never get to be a psychologist but it’s fine.
Her little brother is safe, that’s all that matters. And she will keep it that way.
#dpxdc#dcxdp#danny phantom#danny fenton#dp x dc#dc x dp#dp x dc crossover#green lanterns#jazz fenton#simon baz#jessica cruz#so Jazz is a Star Sapphire#And she is using the love she has for her brother as well as the love of the Amity Park community#the people of Amity are already not happy with the Justice League so getting them to do what she wants isn't hard#atm though she doesn't really know she's doing it#and the ring is probably also influencing her#I feel like this situation would first get worse before it would get better#The GIW would try to spin this into their advantage somehow
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john green quit tumblr because of the cock monologue
No, he didn’t.
This all happened a long time ago, and my memory is imperfect, but here’s my memory: The cock monologue certainly hurt my feelings! But when people are trying to force someone out of a virtual space, they sometimes resort to behavior that is similar to bullying except it’s not completely identical to bullying because the person they’re making fun of has a lot of power. (As someone who got bullied a lot in school, the feeling was similar in 2014 but it wasn’t identical--because I was aware of the fact that I was okay, that what was in danger was certain aspects of my identity/self-value that I treasured but not my entire personhood itself.)
Anyway, it hurt my feelings, and still hurts my feelings when I see it shared (it feels to me like a joke about my sexuality, although I understand other people don’t see it that way; but yeah, you don’t know much about my sexuality and I don’t really want you to but it feels like a joke about that to me, which just bums me out).
But all of that stuff is a side effect of my job and having been successful at it, and I like my job. It is a great job. All jobs have aspects that suck. My job has fewer such aspects than other jobs I’ve had.
So yeah, I did not quit tumblr because of the cock monologue. (I also did not ask tumblr to make reblogs un-editable.) .
I quit tumblr because a few people started to make extremely specific threats. One might, for instance, send me an ask that featured a google streetview screenshot of my home alongside a plan for breaking into it.
I was super scared of these people (or possible person pretending to be a few people?) because they seemed to have a lot of knowledge about me and my family. We lived in a normal middle-class neighborhood in Indianapolis and I felt very exposed and nervous all the time in my real life, and eventually the freaked-out feeling just got too big and that’s why I quit tumblr.
(Edited to add: I am aware that prominent people sometimes use death threats against them to portray themselves as victims and protect themselves against justified criticism for their bigotry or abusive behavior or whatever. I don’t want to do that; it’s important to note that I have a lot of resources and power and so was able to, for instance, move to decrease the threat, which a lot of people can’t do. But I also feel like not talking about the experience honestly has not really helped me or anyone.)
I SHOULD’VE quit tumblr much earlier--I needed to realize that people weren’t comfortable with me in their virtual spaces and that to them I came across as cringey or even creepy, but at the time, I wasn’t nearly self-aware enough to leave for any of those reasons, and plus there was a lot of pressure from movie studios etc to stay on the social Internet so I could continue to promote my books and the stuff around them. So I didn’t quit when I should’ve, and as a result had and caused quite a few negative experiences for people. I’m sorry about the role I had in causing those negative experiences. I should’ve had a better understanding of not just how I experienced myself but also how other people might experience me. That’s something i’ve worked on over the years but still come up short on sometimes.
At any rate, I might delete this later because it makes me feel a bit like all my nerves are exposed to the air but I did just want to clarify that the, like, Tumblr Legend of this whole thing is at minimum a bit over simplified.
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