#stuff felt more real before that
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i miss the 2020-2021 school year
zoom schoolw as nice adn then going back at the end of it was soooo nice idk i miss it
a lot of it is definitely because i was i was younger + rose tinted glasses but still
also i think my anxiety anxietied too hard and broke because i kinad of just. stopped being paranoid all the time during then
#it probably helps that i was a Very Stupid Child at the time but still. nostalgia#i have a very very specific memory of staring at the fence thing in the field during pe#i had pretty little psycho stuck in my head and i was wishing i could climb it#i was obsessed with omori at the time so i was imaging Scenarios about it#the ghost and pals obsession was just setting in and i had spent the previous class blaring the distortionist into my ears#it was the middle of may and the weird finals mood was setting in and i was having a grand ole time#very stressed but the kind that im nostalgic about#its such a weirdass thing to have one of your favorite memories be but alas. i wish i could go back to Random Day in May 2021#general random crap (tm)#i miss just sitting in my room all day and blasting lemon demon in class#its been all downhill since that year#or ig 2022 more accurately#i spent january 2022 completely spaced out and i dont think ive recovered#hell ive spent this january comepletely spaced out too#stuff felt more real before that#well not really but i remmeber it mroe#maybe i just need to go outside more or smth#whatever ramble over#berry.post#to tag
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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set out to create a serious, canonesque drawing with which to say "feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me mystery speculate" but only got going when i made it bowling and the rarepair agenda
#not that i imagine anything w/mordecai's Rare so much as: diluted range of possibilities lol. probably someones on that mordecai/virgil life#when it turns out it takes several tries to start to get more solid footing at drawing characters for the first time: What The?????#i actually don't think i ever tried drawing lackadaisy before; against all odds....if i had i would've had a head start lol#lackadaisy#corned beef#any collectively used pairing name here? mordenico? nicodecai? in absence of otherwise Knowing:#nicodeme savoy#mordecai heller#me in '07 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! me in '23 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! & guess how i've always felt years in between#goddd perusing the gallery bonus art afresh recently just like WOWWW i'm SOOO#the collages of full-body drawings for book purchases i think like my GOD i love to see it. plus that the Extra Stuff gallery means there's#such a variety like. stuff that's clearly noncanon; stuff that could be / kinda is; jokes; portraits; story / characters insight....waaughh#also shoutout to everyone behind all the mordecais in KS Backer Art 1 & 2 like ''sexy mordecai please'' apparently lmao. hell yeah#anyways my Marigold Bowling Team headcanons are simple and straightforward: nicodeme w/the muscle can get a strike from the force of having#hit one pin that smashes into all the others; but don't underestimate his versatility. mordecai with the precision / method & absolutely#who you want trying to hit the only pin left on the lane. serafine's got like serpentine curveballs changing velocity halfway down the lane#and they've All got pointing a gun at the people setting pins / returning balls b/c that wasn't automated back in the twenties#back when everyone had customized printed tees....oh fun fact. a real live kitty cat crinkled that first pic's paper by jumping on it#or really; ricocheting off of it. classic#also the ''i want people to seriously consider nicodeme/mordecai. but also sillily'' purposes have me using Close Contact as a shorthand#it's earnest and can sure be [longhand] too but you go ''You Could Never HC Datingly Affection ft. An Always Touch Averse Character'' & i?#well i scoff derisively and slowly swivel my chair around to face you; arms crossed; smhing....hah. how greatly you underestimate my power.#you're throwing [hcs for a romance ft. an autistic character] & [that ft. an asexual character] & i'm grabbing them midair & Sips Them#ha ha why these replenish my health And experience bars....#Never Be Afraid To Forget To Draw Mordecai's Glasses Or That You Also Put Your Thumb In A Bowling Ball....he's warming up. or w/e.#nicodeme w/the boxing experience shoulders massage trope. giving that pep talk#or you can go ''get a strike or we kill you'' b/c you never have to find out if he's joking or not#mordecai unfazed b/c that's the stakes in this business (bowling) & he's autistic so always having to ignore Everyone being weird/confusing#haven't come up with a lackadaisy's team bowling pun name lol.#still feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me brainstorm mitzi n mordecai's murder mystery ;w; enrichment
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Still alive, writing and editing a lot and even drawing (mostly dragon sketches at work). Seasons has some new chapters now... I saw something earlier about writing being something you can hone by doing lots of reading and writing. I wonder when that will apply to me. I've read a lot of books this year. I have almost hit my goal of 90 books, and while a couple are nonfiction and half are comics, the rest are novels. I expect that to increase again, now that I'm going back to the library. (I stopped with the bed bug scare.) Then I'm setting aside time each week to write. I work on stories at work, even if it's mostly just planning. (My laptop is falling apart so I just gave up taking it to work.) Yet here I am, still the same idiot who doesn't have anything appealing enough for most people to read. I can't get 99% of my followers interested. Sales of Geckos have dropped to next-to-nothing. Nothing else I put out there matters either. The fault lies with me. I'm not good enough. After having this stupid blog for 12 years, I want to delete it. I want to delete my twitter account. I want to delete every single account and shut up for good. There is nothing I can offer. My writing is a good hobby for me. I can get pats on the head for doing a little thing for myself. Aww, look at the cute little dumbass adult doing wittle storwies!!! Isn't that silly!!! They're not good, but he's having fun during the process. Too bad he hasn't figured out that not even 39 more years of practice can save what he's handing out.
#people lied about “once you have confidence nothing can take it away”#nah that shit can get killed when you're a fucking pitiful fool like me!#until the day when I actually make something that's important to anyone this is just me being a child-brained idiot scribbling words down#I used to think I was semi-decent... I did before Rascal but figured Rascal was inferior to my usual work#Then I felt bad about my writing bc of discouragement and locked my work up#felt a surge of confidence a couple of weeks before I started Seasons tho#then had some confidence after that until 2023 (lots of bad shit happened that year)#it evaporated quickly but I tried to maintain some#and now it's just like... me trying to pretend and “fake it till you make it” has never worked for me#but let's be real: the more I showed I liked myself the more bothersome that was for some people I was close to#and it's better to tear me down than lift me up#so I guess the problem is that I just don't belong in the writing world with anyone else#I'll never be good enough and I'm frankly too mentally fucking delayed to have figured it out (like everything else)#hahahahaha people keep telling me I'm autistic and my brother is autistic and my parents refused a diagnosis for me when the Dr mentioned i#and here I am probably too autistic to have ever figured out a damn thing except that I'm pretty good at reading and liking stuff!#but not skilled at anything else#just a reader and worthless as anything else#oh and I guess crocheting but I want none of you to have that part of me ever again
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known we were a system for about 7 years now, probably been a system for far longer, and just realised. we got an intrusive self-fakeclaiming thought today and laughed it away
#it does get better it does get easier eventually you will not fear being wrong or out of place#the thought felt like it just rolled away like a little creek washing over stones#it used to be a tsunami size wave that would throw us around and leave us feeling like we're not fitting in or even in the right place#and now we're just. solid and sturdy and the water's calmed to a tiny trickle#this is the first self-fakeclaiming thought we've had in i think months#and honestly probably only brought on by very new system members not being used to being alone in front#(it's rare for us. we're almost always cofronting. but sometimes it happens and it's so jarring)#rejecting the idea that we could possibly be faking this gives us this massive sense of wholeness like. this is who we are. and it's right#it feels right it feels like. we're real again. we're healing and able to learn. we're doing better. we feel whole like this#sharing this body with a million others will only ever bring us joy this is home this is love this is healing this is right#i love being plural#i love having a system#i love my headmates#we're so so close to hitting our real milestone of being functionally multiple#our challenge kinda. the goal we have to say Yes we feel we have functional multiplicity now#is to just. be able to connect all the sidesystems and have dormant people come back now and then and recover lost headmates#(TOBY WE *WILL* FIND YOU EVENTUALLY)#and it's starting! we've discovered people from BEFORE the syscovery we've brought back Blank and Ro multiple times#we talked to Bee once!!!! Bee literally hasn't fronted since fucking 2020!!! AND BEATRICE CAME BACK AND SHE'S TALL NOW??#and Siren came back!!!!!!! he was so so so fucking scared of falling out of the front rotation bc he thought he'd be lost forever but!!!!!#system wise i cannot believe how far we've come EVERYONE can feel the difference Ro and Blank get shocked by how much more cohesive we are#they were used to a constantly terrified proxy host and gatekeepers that loved to section stuff off and no communication#now it's like walking into a real place for them. they aren't used to headspace being this solid#when we started out WE DIDN'T HAVE ONE we had to manually build it and it took so long and so much focus#now it's as easy as closing our eyes#god i fucking love this im so happy right now
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I love Dragon Age companion quests, but sometimes I wish we had more that didn't culminate in fighting a Big Personal Bad, you know
#I think I'm like maybe a third or close to halfway? through DAV right now#and I started doing the thought exercise of “what would your Rook's companion quests be”#and realizing that all the DAV companions have like A Person or Entity they're trying to confront and fight#I think Taash and Emmrich are the only ones who don't and I am Fascinated with their internal struggles#and maybe that changes in the next leg of personal quests idk#but I wish we got more of that stuff in general#just people dealing with how messy life is and how hard it is to find your place#anyways my Rook Mairenn would have quests where you collect something before sitting down at like#the edge of rooftops or the canals in Treviso and she'd start sharing what her life was like before the Crows#like first quest would be her scouring the markets for a proper Dalish trinket#popping down on a roof looking over the sea and going like “I hate my family you know- the one that forced me out”#all the “just a kid angst” you can have before she just Chucks the item as hard as she can into the water#and quest two would happen after your first big decision#where she'd have you trail along the rooftops collecting crow feathers and flowers from trelisses#before setting them afloat with a candle on the canals#“for the ones who don't get to see the sunrise tomorrow”#before you get her lamenting how she doesn't know if her old clan survived everything#how she doesn’t want to go back to them- will /never/ go back to them but how she can't help but worry and wonder#how she's from the Dalish but never felt like she was Dalish#that the Crows are her family- her real family- and it feels like a betrayal to still wonder of those who came before#before capping it off with like “but my clan kicked me out and I got picked up by slavers for it so fuck them right?”#trying to laugh it off before pushing you to get back to the Lighthouse#maybe a little more on how Scared she was for Treviso- for her 'maybe older brother maybe adoptive father' Viago not being there at the end#(I haven't fully clocked the vibes there but the letter you start with from him gives older brother vibes lmao)#I dunno what the next quest or culmination of this is yet but it's been fun to think about
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Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy
You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing
I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know
Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards
...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said
Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes
#to be clear; I don't mind people disagreeing with me (though that's not what's happened here... I don't think I came into it at all)#but all I need in order to be able to work with disagreement is just... knowing you at least heard and understood me#like if it's 'I get that you think that vanilla is a good flavor of icecream; but I really prefer chocolate'... ok; this works for me#it's that... a lot of the time it honest feels more like 'what are you talking about? vanilla isn't a flavor' where... huh?#let's take a real example; not everyone needs to agree with me on nuclear#but like... someone saying 'I get that it's way safer these days; but I still worry about waste storage'... well ok then#but if it's just like 'but it's dangerous and will explode' even after I've explained about the designs now#where there's a salt plug that with melt and drain before anything can happen; and these materials don't like to run away#...and it's not like they're asking me to back up the source; it's like I never said anything at all...#what am I supposed to do here? you feel me on that? do you start to get why I feel like I'm going crazy when that's how it often feels?#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good#acknowledge that I voiced something and it's been noted#honestly... honestly my who life it's felt like I must somehow actually be invisible#...to an extent maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination; I might well be a ghost that's lonely and makes you all up#...for all the impact my actions have#or maybe literally everything I say just comes out garbled... is that it?#this post is about something very specific; but it's also about something that happens a lot with a lot of different people#on a broader scale; why is it no one else seems to be able to connect the dots#and these aren't like... conspiracy theory dots; these are like russia buys drones from Iran; therefore russia and Iran are partners#that's the kind of dots I'm talking about connecting; please tell me that's not a conspiracy theory to you... it seems plain to me#I don't know... I really don't... I don't think much I say will ever have any impact anywhere on anyone#...honestly a good 90% of the time people don't even respond to what I say#not like my posts here; I mean direct in dms or whatever; I'll say stuff and it's just silence or a new subject#again; across multiple people; it's common... it's... I think it happens more often than it doesn't#I can instantly name 4 conversations with 4 different people that's happened with lately#and that's not counting the 3 where I know the reason why it's happened#I really am something unfit to live; the evidence is endless#mm tag so i can find things later
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ahhhh! i'm nervous about the end of book 2, do you think you'll make it to 40 chapters in the end?
by the way, i don't forget that you promised a battle between Draxum and the fam, i really hope he gets his ass kicked.
*squeeze this every time you want to see Draxum get his ass kicked*
. me:
also me latelly:
...it may be 41.
I'm gonna really try to put the next two chapters into two chapters. Everything is plotted out, I just...don't know if it'll be too much by the time I'm done writing it out. And just some of the vibes for a few scenes, it might flow better for them to be in separate chapters.
But we'll see. Two or three, there shouldn't be much of a wait between them hopefully.
Also, where you getting half a year? I've been trying really hard to avoid hinting how long it's going to be in-fic. I think the most I've done is mention that the Book 2 finale was supposed to take place in August, and it's currently late June/July so it's still pretty close.
#it'll be fine#but for real i think it'll be surprising in a very satisfying way#i want to get it to 40 because 41 is just annoyingly close to 42#actually in my original plan it was supposed to be wrapping up around now#obviously more stuff has been added since but it all felt very crowded#galois can only be kidnapped so many times in a short period of time before he suffers a nervous breakdown#doth asks
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hmm. just remembered how just until a few years ago I wouldn't consume any media with real life actors/too realistic of an art style, only toony or highly stylised animation and what most would consider "kids media"...
wondering what that says about my childhood/teen years and my mental health
#some day i just forced myself to watch/play stuff with real life actors/realistic style#now i can kinda stomach it but i still get squicked by it on occasion idk why#definitely something to look into when i have the time. find what exactly is squicking me out about it#and why i used to prefer cartoons/unrealistic looking animation way more#maybe it all ties into me never having felt human or like i belong with real life people#and seeing human actors/realistic characters is showing me something i should be something i should identify with#but it just doesn't click. doesn't fit. doesn't match#ever since i gained sentience and an understanding of human life and death around the age of 3 or 4 years old it's been like that...#just very bad very bleak very sick to my stomach type feelings i cannot put into words to this day... hmm#i just. never belonged anywhere and never felt part of the human experience ever since i became aware of it. :/#anyway. gotta get ready for bed. got errands for my mother to run before work#and i gotta buy stuff for work before work. ugh.
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#stupid and kinda selfish parasocial thought but like...#i cant help but think what if this just cements them all distancing themselves from each other#because i cant imagine how fucking difficult it would to even Consider being close/talking after one of them is gone?#and so. its just easier. to go their own way. instead of dealing with the pain that something is missing.#so no more happy 1d anniversary. no more oh yeah i talked to him recently.#idk like im definitely thinking about this way too much but.#i guess it just sort of felt like there was perhaps hope before?#we had time. for stuff to Maybe fix itself.#but now it's forever broken.#its weird because i think i Thought id already come to terms with that because of everything thats happened. i never expected anything#you can only talk about the 'break' for so long before it became a joke#but this is like. real.#idk what im saying. i really need to go to bed im so tired#liam payne#death#le text post
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every time fallen london's firmament stuff starts losing me there's a moment where it all ties back into the larger world or does something sick and im back in BIG spoilers in the tags maybe
#think i just like it best when FL lore all ties back and forward and is full of clues and hints#and the high sancta was pretty good for that i loved it#but the stuff before it felt so disconnected from everything and boring#and like. the vulgate stuff rly just felt like it had no real tie to anything else in the setting#even though it was?? probably?? a scrive spinster#discordance kinda felt that way too like i know a lot of this is new fundamental lore but like. the discordance couldn't've had...#more of a tie than one Vague mention of The White and the anchoress showing up?? like ik it was trying to be vague and mysterious but#idk. i liked the stacks. im liking the high sancta. im enjoying the hints of the East we're getting#just feels like the writing's less dense and tied into the world than evolution so far#although the zenith high sancta has allayed that concern a little let's see where this goes.
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Eventually you will start to feel like an alive person and be doing things and it’s so wonderful
#this year has been very good for me so far. first year as a real alive person. I like it actually#I’m going to a concert in september and october And november!! I haven’t been to a concert since 2016#and I’ve been going out and doing stuff#and seeing my friends and recently my partner#and it’s all very new but I’m very excited and glad it’s happening and I’m doing it#I was so miserable for so long and my baseline was bordering on suicidal constantly#I haven’t been suicidal in like . a year. maybe a little more than#I have a lot to do and fix but I feel like I can and I haven’t felt that way before#it’s nice. I do have a life that I can change and have control over#dead text
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not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)
#i actually think his points make sense this time. which tbqh is not normally how i feel when he criticizes smth i love#basically he was like s3 was a completely different show from the first two seasons#and he didn't like how all over the place and directionless it felt#and honestly yeah ok i can see that#personally i think the choice to broaden the focus to moralton broadly vs mostly just orel is really interesting#and it allows for different facets of their critique of fundie waspisms to extend to situations/characters orel wouldn't really be privy to#(could you imagine 'alone' with orel there? me neither)#and i personally liked them fleshing out the marginal characters. i never found that boring or like a major diversion#again they're like 11 min episodic(ish) things it's hard for them to feel like they drag on y'know#it shows a lot of ambition and i think they pulled it off really well tbh (cancellation aside)#but i will agree that the transition is a little sudden. nature is such a big moment for the series#and for orel's arc specifically but then we spend little time with orel post-nature so the tone shift doesn't#necessarily align with his realization (at least in terms of the canon timeline. ep release order does align)#it's sudden but we jump back to before the shattering. it's disorienting and i think it's kind of cool as hell#a realization like orel's in nature is gonna throw the past into question and color his life and thus the town#(bc let's face it orel is the real mayor of moralton kfhsjs) and while we've been seeing Some of moralton's ugliness#in every episode until now it's shown in full force in and post-nature (release-wise). so when the timeline jumps around#and it all feels twisted and hazy and sickening and it All Comes Back To The Hunting Trip as our point of reference#for when things are happening it makes it feel like the trip Caused this disturbance. it's almost a spatio-temporal THING#like orel IS the center of this universe. my point is it's weird and i like it a lot i think it works#but anyway i think s3 is a natural evolution of s1+2 albeit an accelerated one#and i really wish we'd gotten to see more of what s3 morel was cooking bc it was setting up some really cool stuff imo#like he hated everything w mommy censordoll x clay but it's SUCH a cool place to take their characters. freud would go crazy#moral orel#and i think if they knew where they had to end the season maybe focusing on other characters was a way to keep orel stagnant enough to like#end the finale where they needed him. maybe.#we actually DID finish it yesterday. i rewatched the finale the day before bc i was impatient but yeah 👍#now it's chapter black time >:}
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I love my gx winx au and I love that it's just bits and pieces of me being like oh that's fun and not having any semblance of lore or plot. It's purely contained to the character designs I've drawn for the girls.
#it will stay contained to art too it's not something I'd ever write#like I know absolutely nothing about this au of mine but I'm obsessed with it all the same#like I learn something new about it every time I've drawn something#I don't draw a lot for it yall have seen everything I've done and it's usually just a drawing of alexis cuz I love her design lol#but like I'm doing panels for it rn right? and like it's just coming together like the story of what's happening atm#and that's like the only story there actually is rn but it's just falling into place#so I can actually make something of substamce out of this tiny concept I had for a drawing I wanted to try because I had an itch and it grew#that doesn't really happen to me anymore like I haven't felt a spark like that since I wrote OUAD#nothing I've written since has felt the same#and like I said this isn't something I would write into a fic or anything it would just be too much but it's really everything to me rn#something I can come back to and dip my toe in whenever I really feel like I need a spark again and it just makes me happy#I grew up with 4kids winx club so another reason I'd never write anything for real is because I refuse to watch any other version#like I've tried I just can't do it my mind rejects any other version so I only know the universe to a point anyway and but that was my thin#it made me so happy as a kid and it still does now like those are my girls and they mean the world to me and being able to play#within that space with other characters I'm obsessed with and combine into something that miraculously works is amazing#I need to draw more stuff for this au I guess is my whole point#I need to see what other things can..... bloom....... (heh) within that space and what will just manifest before me#I need that something to make me feel that spark again because I don't want to lose it forever and I think I'm starting to find it again#life has just been knocking down over and over lately and it's destroyed so much of my mental state and honestly randomly deciding to try#and actually draw actual stuff for this au has been so healing. I almost feel lighter#it feels stupid amd silly to say but it's true#abby's just rambling don't mind her
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the maister system and the new 'find vocations out in the world' system is...ok, but I prefer the old colour system
#saint plays dd2#like coming in as someone who knows nothing abt how DD:O worked DD2's vocation system feels like a major step back#95% of the augments are useless and aren't worth using so there's no real build variety anymore#nor is there any real weight to choosing what to run in terms of combat effectiveness and QoL stuff like carry weight anymore#bc there's only like 5-8 augments worth taking bc the stat bonus are insultingly low for the effort of leveling the vocation#and the colours feel arbitrary bc it's not a tree system anymore. thief is green bc it's green and there's no hybrid green#whereas in DD1 every base vocation had a hybrid colour mix and it made logical sense#strider (yellow) and mage (blue) became a magick archer. strider and fighter (red) doubled down on the melee and became assassin.#while keeping the bow as a sidearm.#pure red became warrior and dumped the shield for 2h colossal but slow attacks. pure blue sacrificed utility for highest tier damage spells#and so on. it just felt so much more intuitive and felt like actual growth when you could 'upgrade' to a hybrid vocation bc#you actually needed to have X number of ranks in both colours before you could take it whereas in 2 they're all just standalone classes#and the meister skill systems are....ok. I don't know how I feel abt all of them being connected to optional sidequests you can fuck up#or straight up just miss bc this game still has the weird design flaw of having points of no return where quests autofail#also like I feel to get the meister skill either you or your pawn should actually have like. maxed the vocation out.#like it feels weird when I get magick archer and then immediately unlock the meister skill at the same time#when I haven't even bought the vocation yet.
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not to be back on my bullshit already but like. ford talking about how he doesn't understand romance in journal 3 quite literally does not prove he's ace in any sense of the definition unless you assume only ace people struggle with traditional relationship models (literally not fucking true??) or that aro people are always/usually ace (I am beating you with a broom). it's evidence towards him being aro if anything!
but even then I think that's an accidental meaning in the writing. the passage exists to show how detached ford is from the sheer idea of family and how he doesn't understand fiddleford's attachment to his wife and son! it's also a subtle reason to show why the pines family might not notice anything after the portal incident (i.e- ford didn't talk to his parents or sister much, if at all, after moving to gravity falls.)
it's even more frustrating when ppl mention that line... and then make him alloace?????
#☢️.txt#yknow what fuck it!#ford pines#i wouldnt mind ace ford pines hcs so much if they didnt so often use evidence towards him being aro as the evidence of being ace???#also im gonna be real the 'ford dated a siren' joke is just way funnier if hes aro#im not even attached to him being aro. im more attatched to gay monsterfucker ford pines#but then again i think most aroallo ppl are a bit on edge after what happened in the aromantic subreddit a few weeks ago#(mods banned all mentions of sex and sex-related banners for a few days before reversing it when people pointed out how insane that is)#oh and i also just think the stuff about how ford sees family is much more interesting in that paragraph#it both explains why stan hasnt had any significant pushback (bc even tho he can imitate him the career change had to be a shock!)#and why ford resorted to stan for help over anyone else in his family (he didnt talk to them nor did he feel any sense of closeness)#fords idea of family is soooo fucked up. its all filbricks fault btw but like#it was easier for him to reach out to stan. whos location he had to actively track down and who he thought didnt respect his career ambition#than just like fucking. calling shermie or one of his research mentors#at the absolute height of his paranoia he still felt that he could trust stan deep down and no one talks about this
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