#struggling with what to tag this as relevant lol

[trashlie]

FP 217 (in which i scream from the rafters)

When I said I shan’t say anymore I meant in that post not tonight beCAUSE I WILL NOT SHUT UP TONIGHT. When was the last time I got a FP thoughts post out this fast?! Have I ever?! 

THERE WAS NO MORPHINE! THERE WAS NO MORPHINE!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS ALL SHINAE!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THAT PEACE AND CALM IS BECAUSE SHE WAS THERE, BECAUSE HE WAS ABLE TO ALLOW HIMSELF TO LEAN ON HER BECAUSE SHE STAYED BY TO WATCH OVER HIM AND WAIT FOR HIM TO WAKE 

IT WAS ALL! BECAUSE! IT’S HER!!!!!!!!!!!

“I thought you didn’t like the silence?” “I don’t... But I like this silence”

I DON’T LIKE THE SILENCE BUT IT’S OKAY IF IT’S WITH YOU. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt peaceful like this...”

I’M AT PEACE BECAUSE YOU’RE HERE

I’M GONNA SCUTTLE UP A WALL YOU GUYS!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I was here going “okay u know what the morphine is probably making him calm but still surely the fact that Shinae is there is part of why he feels okay” AND IT TURNS OUT THAT’S NOT THAT FAR OFF AFTER ALL?! LISTEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?! NOL? BLUSHING?! NOL?! 

Like okay there is a LOT to unpack in this episode and I SHOULD go to bed soon but I want to try to spit out as much as I can while it’s all raw and bouncing around in my head because it’s just going to rattle around if I try to go to sleep ANYWAY. 

I... have so many thoughts about this episode and I’m just like a crow sitting on a wall cawing AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nol my boy. My guy. My dude. My problematic fave. You have just been awakened AAAHHHHHHHHH

NO BUT does this not tie in to what I was just yelling about - how Nol and Shinae exist in/are forged in these pockets of quiet, in these moments of still, they grow through the shadows outside of other peoples’ eyes. I once talked somewhere on here about how if you look at the Relationship Rectangle of Kousuke, Shinae, Nol, and Alyssa, Nol and Shinae are, arguably, the ones who share the most intimate/closest relationship - but they are also notably the ones who are are not seen. Meg was so surprised that Nol and Shinae were close enough that he had her number and tried calling her to find her at the black and white gala. Sure, of course, Nol and Meg aren’t close, how would she know. But we kind of saw a sense of this with Yui, too, who continually aligned Shinae towards Kousuke. Again, bias (and loathing lol) but the point still stands: nobody besides maybe Dieter lol are really quite aware of how important Shinae and Nol are to each other.

I mean, hell! Shinae didn’t realize it until she was left crying in the rain and Dieter woke her up to the fact that he had become a person Shinae loves, an actual, real friend. Nol sure didn’t seem to realize it, either, despite, yknow. gestures vaguely how everything went down lmao and even had to ask if she actually meant all the things she had said back there.

Nol and Shinae are the kind of relationship that just so naturally grows - at what point did she go from thinking him annoying to him being a friend? Even that isn’t so simple - she felt so much guilt when she saw him sitting outside after she went off on him during her lunch break and thought he’d sat out there the whole time feeling sad because she was mad lol like. IDK I love a really well-written, ever-growing relationship - when you can’t identify the moment a person goes from being a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend. Because that’s how it goes! And it just feels SO well-executed between them! 

The way Shinae took off running to go grab some stuff before she would go to the hospital, like she wanted to be ready immediately so she could be there. Shinae who HATES hospitals, who never liked them, who is reminded of her own worst experience in one, who just recently went through it again when her father was in the hospital, still rushing to go there because Nol is that important, because he means that much. 

Nol who was in a state of panic when he woke, clearly from his own awful past with the Hirahara Memorial (Yui) calming when he noticed Shinae. Nol who doesn’t like the silence, feeling comfortable and at peace, allowing himself to do something he’s never allowed himself before and leaning on a friend, feeling at peace for the first time in SUCH A LONG TIME. And feeling that way NOT because of morphine but because of WHO she is. Because she can bring him that calm, because she can bring him that peace

I’M GOING TO YELL FROM A ROOFTOP. 

THAT EPISODE THAT FLASHED BACK TO THE POOL FALL AND HOW NOL WAS WILLING TO STAY DOWN THERE AND NEVER COME BACK UP, BUT BECAUSE SHINAE WAS DOWN THERE, TOO, HE COULDN’T, HE HAD TO GET HER OUT. SHE SAVED HIS LIFE BY NEEDING HERS SAVED. ;A;

AND HERE, SHINAE (AIDED BY LIL BUDDY) AND HER FRIENDS FIND NOL WHEN HIS LIFE IS IN DANGER AND SHE’S THERE TO MAKE SURE HE WAKES UP, TOO. 

LISTEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT HUH? HOW CAN I NOT? JUST? LOVE THEM AND LOVE WHO THEY ARE TO EACH OTHER?!

That moment of realization, that frustration on his face, THE BLUSH. /HE’S FIGURED IT OUT/. HE UNDERSTANDS WHY HE FELT SO CALM, SO PEACEFUL, WHY HE WAS SO AT EASE HAVING HER THERE. HE KNOWS. 

It is SO FUNNY that we were just musing about this - like how Shinae has been getting flustered all night, her heart galloping around, and here he is, too, just. Reveling. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHINAE IS HIS COMFORT. ;A; I’m thinking yet again about how, when he found out he WASN’T at Hirahara Memorial, he turned his face into her more, like crawling closer in comfort. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

There’s so many other things to talk about, too, but I had to get this out first okay, I HAD to! 

I know fandom hates Rand, but if you’re here reading this lol you know that I’m a sucker for grey morality and that Rand is a frustrating fascination of mine because he made this mess but so many people have to lie in it. But listen, I had some FEELINGS. The fact that Jayce said Rand would carry that Bible everywhere, that it was like his good luck charm - and tucked inside are photos and notes from Nessa, including a photo of Nol the day he was born. THAT SHIT  HURTS. I don’t know how to express this well without... idk I trust that anyone reading this knows me well enough lol to know that I don’t absolve anyone of their blame just because I can sympathize.

And I DO. I DO sympathize. I’ve been saying it’s clear that Nessa was his true love - whether she was someone he loved before his marriage (clearly an arrangement) to Yui or if it happened afterwards. He LOVED her and he loves Nol, too, but he’s a man that doesn’t know how to express his emotions (in fact he has constantly tried to get Nol to be more like him and shove away his feelings), who has a vindictive and virtually law-less wife who can and will do anything she can to hurt him. So on some level I GET IT. He couldn’t be open with his love and affection for Nol. I think a part of him wants to be. That’s why he was so angry and said those awful things when Nol pleaded guilty - Rand was doing everything in his power to help him, to protect him in the only way he was allowed to and it was ruined. When he said he should have shipped him off to boarding school it wasn’t that he regretted having to raise this kid - it was that he regretted not doing enough to get Nol out of Yui’s reach. It was that he was greedy enough to want to keep his child near, this reminder of someone he loved, even though he knew he could not be the father he deserved. 

And it sucks because look how things have turned out for Nol. Look at how much he has suffered, how much he’s been hurt. He’s so certain his father has no love for him, only shame. He’s so certain his father takes care of him out of obligation, not love.

But all these years, Rand has carried around a photo of newborn Nol. The child he and the woman he loved fathered together. 

AND IDK it cuts me. Especially the fact that like... this was clearly Rand’s only comfort. This was the only thing that he could privately hold on to that brought him comfort and he made the choice to pass it on to Nol. Did he hope that it would comfort his son as it had comforted him all these years? Did he hope that it might convey all the things he’s been unable to say, all the things he couldn’t express? Idk it hurts me okay. It just. Idk you can be a shit father in a shit situation and I’m still going to feel sad that his choices have landed so many blows and ramifications.

I want to see the photos! I want to see what else is in there! Are there more notes? Did she write sweet letters about baby Nol that he can read? ;~; So many pages fell out of it. Did she tuck them back in or did she take them when she left? WHERE IS SHE GOING? At first I thought lmao maybe she’s off to find a vending machine to present him a little treat as a “sorry this isn’t a cake but you deserve to celebrate your birthday” kind of deal but someone else suggested she’s going to find Rand. I guess if she took the memorabilia maybe that makes more sense? Idk idk I like my cheesy little vending machine idea though lmaoooooooo 

I also LMAO love him making a dumb pun because ONCE AGAIN it just brings back that Yeonggi very much is a part of who Nol is. Just because he played that part of himself up doesn’t mean that isn’t a very true part of him. It also means that all of this - the way he’s spoken to Shinae this evening, the way he’s treated her - all of it is very much sober. It’s just. Him. Not playing up his dark, edgy “would you like me still if u knew all the things i’d done” Nol lmao. Not upbeat pushed to the limits Yeonggi. This is the truest, most raw Nol we’ve seen and it’s beautiful. I worry he lol might try to put up his defenses as a result of his realization, but if we’ve learned one thing about Nol, it’s that he is ultimately unable to deny anything regarding Shinae lmao 

Something else I want to touch on really quickly is Kousuke and that flashback.  "I need you to keep him from harming himself." "It'll be safer for him to remain here with you."

I know on one level Rand is taking advantage of a moment to group with Yujing (and Shinae...?) in that he cannot have Kousuke (and Hansuke) there to overhear. He has pointedly asked for Shinae to come to the hospital, and not simply because she’s a friend. Whatever Rand and Yujin are working on, she is a part of. Kousuke and Hansuke cannot be a part of that. Also, taking care of both your bleeding-out son and your in-shock son is not an easy feat for anyone. I don't think he's like, brushing this off by any means, he knows Hansuke is good hands, but my question is: "I need you to keep him from harming himself" is this... a thing that has happened in the past? Is it in any way connected to the night that Nol was sent away? I'm trying to think if there's been any times where Kousuke has seemed like a danger to himself in that he could/would harm himself. Possibly drinking way too much would count. But it makes me wonder if there was ever a time that Kousuke, perhaps with no recollection of it, did anything that could bring himself harm?

Back in episode 96, Kousuke called over Hansuke, and Hansuke made a little comment that "FYI I'm not giving you any meds" and Kousuke remarked that none of his modes of relaxation have worked since his run in with Yujing. Also "What do you do to relax again?" "You already know." "Do you think maybe they have become too routine they don't work as well as they used to?"

I'm just spitballing here but seeing Kousuke just shut down like this, and how it seems very much like the time when Nol was taken away (asking Yui what happened) just makes me Wonder A Lot.

Like, Kousuke is presented to us as a character who is very much in control of himself, and has a tendency to try to control the world around his own personal narrative. But we have also been shown enough to know that's not entirely the case, and that Kousuke's sense of control is very much a sort of coping mechanism because his reality does not entirely align with actual reality. I want to know more about the meds. I want to know more about what happened that night. As Kousuke's characterization unravels, we're beginning to see that HE is more unraveled than he's appeared (which is just very much the general case of everyone in here lol)

I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE IS SO MUCH IN THIS EPISODE AND I’M SORRY BUT I CANNOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS LITTLE NOL REVELATION quimchee is just. SHE IS FEEDING US. SHE’S GIVING ME EVERYTHING I WANTED 

Also last tidbits I want to point out:

Rand’s face just looks SO haunted. So tired. He just aged 20 years. Shiane’s imitation of him was uhhh.... pretty on the nose lol

Dieter’s little “some friends we are huh” comment really hurt. Like, Nol is an unstoppable force. Could they have made more of a fuss to make him stay and get checked over? Sure. Would it have changed anything, though? 

But also seeing the blood on his and Soushi’s hands.... wow that HURTS like. Fortunately we know Nol is okay (well. You know. As okay as he can be, all things considered) but still having to help your friend’s father gather your friend as he’s bleeding out all over you?! Isn’t that a little traumatic? Isn’t that HAUNTING? 

There’s also something so tender and sweet about Dieter being offered the option to go do whatever he needs to and still being concerned about Minhyuk and all the food ;~; He’s a good bean. I don’t know if there’s anything much to read into the whole “We’ll let Shinae go first” bit. Dieter is, yknow, aware of Nol and Shinae’s close bond, so possibly this is his way of giving her that space? I think it’s at any rate on the complicated side - Nol just. Leaves them and cuts off connection to all of them and then suddenly he’s at Minhyuk’s house and Dieter has to play mediator? SOUSHI DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS THERE. JUST. BOOM. NOL FALLING FROM THE FLOOR ABOVE AND COVERED IN GLASS.

AND THEN SUDDENLY HE’S HELPING GET HIM INTO THE CAR, COVERED IN HIS BLOOD.

Jesus. Everyone needs therapy ;~; 

Also my god Kousuke’s face. He looks haggard as hell. Assuming he saw photos of baby Nol in that Bible, it feels like it undoes everything he and Nol just confessed and said. That affectionate, loving version of Rand didn’t exist? But what does it mean if he carried around a picture of one of his baby sons? 

Did he have anything about Kousuke in there? Had he already removed anything about Kousuke? 

IDK THERE’S SO MANY FEELINGS YOU GUYS pls join me in my wailing and yelling ;A; 

[daemophagia]

It's actually kind of nice posting on here, since I don't really have to worry about people seeing it or going to someone's dms to talk or anything. Maybe I should do it more often

[ousamars]

Please teach me how to draw like you omg your style is chefs KISS

Thank you for your kind comment!!

honestly speaking I still have a hard time figuring out my own style and often just do whatever I want so I'm not the best at giving advice haha, but I take a lot of inspiration from and do plenty of style studies of my favourite genres of work and artists! I am especially in love with 80s-90s and early-mid 2000s era animanga/games because that's what I grew up with and what got me into drawing in the first place, and I've become a lot happier once I started embracing those old influences again 😊 so don't be afraid to get a little self indulgent with it

In terms of general drawing/colouring style, some of my bigger inspirations are Arina tanemura, clamp and mutsumi inomata!

[velvetwyrme]

aHhh okay so the discussions of Titan!Megatron on @callsign-relic's blog have fully. FULLY taken over my brain and ive been drawing stuff for it for like the last few days nonstop

the tl;dr of this is AU is pretty much "what if Megatron got turned into a titan/cityformer as a form of penance/imprisonment and now roams the empty wasteland of Cybertron forever" plus "IDW Megatron has really fucked up internals so... what if that, but as a City?"

and of course since he's a Titan, that also means he has a cityspeaker... or three. One per sub-AU thing. Theres 3 options. 3 flavours of AU.

i have so much art to make. but in the meantime, for more info! check out the #titan au tag on Relic's blog :]!! (also uhh potential ns//fw warning for the link shfjbdkd)

Hi. My battery is running out once again so design and art notes get chucked here instead of an image.

The cuffs and collar are hardwired into Megatron, so I made the lights the same colour as his biolights!

I imagine that on the tops of his shoulders there are solar panels, even if you can't see them here lol.

I really wanted to keep the swirly bits on Megatron's chest from IDW

Other art notes:

The second picture with the seekers is (loosely) inspired by a discussion about whether or not Megatron gets visitors or not. I thought about who would visit him and well... I think this is as close as Starscream realistically gets to visiting him.

Extra detail about that piece is that Thundercracker and Skywarp are keeping watch from above! Also drawing Megatron took me like 8 hours because I was struggling with his legs really badly kshffkbfkdsbdk,, the background went much faster, funnily enough.

Optimus specifically isn't wearing his Autobot badge any more.

This isn't relevant in this series of images, but Ultra Magnus's eye markings are only on the Magnus armour. His other two forms do not have them :] (... until he begins to discard the armour, that is.)

Megatron is roughly 3200m/2 miles tall. Technically he could have clouds around his knees, but I thought this looked a little bit cooler lol.

Also, height chart! Him big. I didn't even attempt to put a human for scale because that'd be. near impossible with this scale.

[lil-kissy]

Now I want to make it perfectly clear that I don't have any current plans to like end or stop this blog / Kisa. I still want to keep rping with her, rping with all of you and building stuff.

However I can't lie and say I haven't been feeling like things have stagnated a lot- just in general.

--

I really do want to try and write more metas / headcanons /drabbles or you know even like actual rp threads n stuff. Just been stuck on what to do.

So I guess take this post in part as my way of asking you all for help. Like what would you want to see or do with her? Anything you'd like to know or think I should focus on idk?

Any recommendations, suggestions or otherwise general feed back on something I could do?

Questions for the smol herself?

I know sometimes she's not easy to interact with, at least I know sometimes I have trouble figuring out how to interact.

And honestly that is a big reason why I've started trying to post more memes, box is always open for anything, always accepting memes no matter how old though if you are sending in a older meme especially emoji ones just make sure to also send what one it is and not just the emoji so I'm not having to guess.

[kissoulie]

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𓇼 ࣪ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⭒

𓆡 ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤׂ 🫧

— NSFW. tags under the cut!

a/n: kissoulie debut day!! (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠) i wrote all of these for myself mainly but finally decided to post themmmm i wanted to post a full fic for my debut but work is busy :( i don't have enough free time </3 please do read the cws!!! they are very relevant haha my brain went a little wild with jiung so soulseob's are short ☹️ i will feed u soon sho stans u have my word 🙏 i normally don't write for jiung or keeho but the ideas were too inticing 😭

cws: fem reader, petnames (baby, princess, pretty girl), degrading (just once, "whore"), overstim, edging, breeding, daddy kink (kyo), brat taming (kyo), choking (kyo), exaggerated size kink (intak), pregnancy mention lol meandom!theo, dub-con (jiung), slight somno (jiung), squirting (soul), slight degrading, voice kink (seob), please lmk if i missed anything!!!

brat tamer!keeho who loves your cries of “daddy daddy daddy- slow down, daddy-!” followed by broken moans and whimpers from your swollen lips. he loves how you claw at him, eyes faded from how hard he's choking you, but still sobbing and slicking up more for him to fuck you stupid. he loves how you beg him to let you cum, “please please please daddy, please- can't hold it, please just let me ‘m so close daddy please just let me-” he knows you can't hold it. that's why he smacks your clit to send you over the edge. he loves how your hands try to pull his hips back, but he's determined to ruin the orgasm you don't deserve. it just makes you that much sweeter when he finally lets you cum on his cock.

meandom!theo who won't stick his dick in you until you're a crying overstimulated mess. he’ll use toys on you, stuff his pretty fingers inside you, eat you out until you're pulling on his hair so hard it hurts, but he won't fuck you until you're crying. he loves how your tears soak the pillowcase, how you cling to him like he's the only person left in the entire world. he loves feeling so special to you, to the point where he loses himself in your body when he finally does fuck you. his hips stutter, and he's cumming with a soft “fuck..” before he can stop himself.

best friend!jiung who humps you in your sleep. it’s not his fault you sleep on your stomach, your ass so.. soft and enticing. at first he did it with both your clothes on, but he realized that regardless, if he woke you up you would know what he’s doing to you. so he slowly pulls down your sleep shorts, pushing his dick between your panties and your skin. he snakes a hand under your lower stomach, pressing you to him. at first he doesn’t notice how you slick up for him, but then your hips jolt back to press against him and he’s almost clamoring off of you when he hears your whiny voice, “ji, don’t stop” who is he to deny such a needy, pretty girl? he practically rips your panties off, rubbing himself between your folds, pressing just the tip in as you moan, “‘s so big, ji, ‘s big..” “fuck, princess, that was just the tip,” you’re squeezing around him, pulling him deeper into your tight cunt. he groans, bottoming out in one sharp thrust as he loses control. you yelp, but your eyes roll back and he can feel you squirting around him, “cumming, ji, fuck” he knows you are. his eyes are shut tight as he struggles to hold back, fucking into you deeply and then speeding up. you push back against him, helping him along as he presses his hand against your stomach, feeling how his dick knocks up against it. you keep moaning and creaming all over him, and he loses control, pressed against your cervix as he paints your insides white.

size kink!intak who's so desperate for you. he wants to make love to you so bad, but you're just too small to take him properly. there's always that last couple of inches where he hits a wall, and you're sniffling out his name and holding his hands so sweetly. he can't bear to see you cry. the more he makes love to you the more he wants to breed you. and before he knows it, those last two inches are slipping past your sensitive walls while you cum all over him. you yelp in surprise but he's too far gone, fucking into you while pressing against your tummy, “gonna let me get you pregnant, baby? please- oh fuck, please”

munch!soul who’s obsessed with making you squirt. he spends precious hours between your thighs, flicking his tongue over your sensitive little clit, fingers buried inside your sopping wet cunt. he praises you, too. telling you how pretty you are for him, how good you taste, how much he needs to get his dick inside you when he's done using his mouth. he loves it when you squirt all over his cock, it makes his head empty.

voice kink!jongseob who whispers in your ear to get you off. he won't touch you until he knows you're close from just his voice, whispering filth into your ear. he wants to breed you. he wants to fuck you until you cry for him, until you squirt all over him, until you tell him you love him. that's what he's working you up for. he kisses your sensitive clit, eyes peering up at you innocently while your hiccuped cries turn to sobs. “all this from just my voice, baby? cmon, you know what you have to say so i’ll let you cum.”

[babacontainsmultitudes]

🤔 Admittedly I was a little disappointed by the reveal (but certainly not surprised the foreshadowing was heavy in this episode lol), but not actually against how Beth (and Will) seem to be playing with it thus far- which is to say that I do think it has a lot of potential, and I suspect there's more to what we're seeing).

;) Big ol' ramble below

Mostly the theory has turned me off until now (at least insofar as I've witnessed it transpire in the fandom at large) because it struck me as so painfully ironic to see Trudy, a 1950s housewife, struggle to exist under the system that she's in, fail to fit the mold assigned to her, and be denied her personhood very literally for it (this being ironic insofar as how it mimics how she would have been treated back then). This and because frankly I just think she's a lot less interesting if she's fully a robot LOL, but I'll hopefully get to that in a bit.

Not that the hints at her mechanical nature and the relevance of Tucker's background were lost on me; I can appreciate why those would contribute to a plausible, fun and I think still mostly harmless theory (now fact). However, minus one or two specific posts I've seen on the matter (namely a recent one suggesting that if Trudy is a robot Beth is probably taking inspiration from The Stepford Wives, :( sorry person who made that post I couldn't find it I wanted to credit yoouuu), I've seen the theory just about exclusively presented in a manner that, rather than explore the metaphorical and political significance of Trudy being partially or fully mechanical, at best disregards the parts of her narrative that are at their core about sexism (among other related things), and at worst negates them entirely (i.e. Trudy only thinking and acting how she does because she's a robot malfunctioning and not because the world itself is causing harm and she rightfully wants something more than the role she was forced into, Trudy not even having any real thoughts and feelings of her own, etc.). I just think it kind of sucks to shove all those important things about her aside and say "actually, there's no person suffering here, she's just a robot" and perhaps worse yet to imply that she does have thoughts and feelings but because they result in Weird™ behavior it must be a problem with her code and not at all relate to what women were subjugated to during this point in American history.

CONVERSELY I don't think Trudy being a robot (or at least partially one) at least from what Beth and Will have presented us thus far, inherently suffers from any of these issues? First and foremost because Trudy definitely appears to possess sentience, thoughts, and emotions of her own, matters which immediately complicate her degree of personhood and don't inherently box her behavior in as a bug in her programming rather than an issue with the world she's been put in, quite the opposite in fact! I think they have a very solid groundwork laid out here to make a strong statement with Trudy's narrative (and perhaps ask the question of what is really malfunctioning here), all the more so since [I pull out a Rebecca Swallows-style conspiracy board] I don't think she's entirely robotic in nature? Actually you should just read Mack's tags in this post cause he has great thoughts on the matter (of which those are just some of them), but if I can direct your attention to one thing in particular, it would be Beth's fact (I *believe* from episode 2) about Trudy never graduating high school because of her essay where she suggested that "perhaps women could one day domesticate themselves", a statement that could of course be interpreted a number of ways but ultimately threatened the patriarchal status quo enough (in suggesting women's independence) to cost Trudy her diploma. Taken on its own this fact appears to contradict the theory that Trudy has always been robotic in nature, because it doesn't really make sense that Trudy would have been set up to go through high school (or school at all really) when Tucker's intention was/is for her to be the perfect housewife. You may then suggest that Trudy's memories of this are fabricated and not actually her lived experiences, in which case firstly perhaps you should reread my earlier point on the robot theory being used to actively negate and otherwise disregard the portions of Trudy's narrative that pertain to sexism and feminism, and secondly it really doesn't make any sense to me that Tucker would implant those kind of memories into Trudy's brain? To be completely honest if she's been a robot from the very beginning (rather than someone who became a cyborg, which is what I'm trying to suggest here), then I don't see why Tucker would program her with actual sentience in the first place (suspending my disbelief here with regards to the possibility of programming sentience to begin with). It seems much more likely to me then that Trudy was not always a robot, and instead altered by Tucker to force her into a role of subordination and remedy her """imperfections""". This option is significantly more interesting to me one, because it implies that Trudy has actually lived a life up until the present, full of its own complexities and strife (and dreams, and real actual memories worth exploring, etc.), and hence is not by any means "just a robot", and second because it amplifies the hypothetical statement being made on the lives of the real living women of the era and how they were treated and seen as being "in need of fixing" for not conforming to gender roles or otherwise acting "out of line" with what was expected of them.

OKAY THIS GOT OUT OF HAND SO I'M CUTTING MYSELF OFF HERE but I wanted to my share my current thoughts what with this ending and where I'm at so hopefully that was at least interesting to whoever has chosen to read through this one okay thank you byyyyyyyyye~

[xxblairexxss]

I’m sorry

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x asian!reader

Theme : Angst

Just a timeline of Charles’s girlfriend throughout the years, how she went from a girl who migrated to France when she was 6 years old to becoming a girlfriend of the Formula 1 driver, Charles Leclerc.

I’m not entirely sure about this one but I just wanted to clear my draft. I’m only tagging those who told me they wanted to be included in my general tag list! Please don’t be offended if I didn’t tag you because it’s not Jealousy part 3 😭 so I thought you don’t want to be tagged but please let me know if you wish to in all of my stories!

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2018

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2019

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ynusername dropping a selfie bcs it’s been a while

charles_leclerc Mon amour 🧸🤎

ynusername 🤎

user1 SO PRETTYY

user2 LOVING THE HAIR COLOUR!!

user3 she’s asian? can she speaks french?

user4 she has lived in france since she was 6 so yes she can

ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc and 78,072 others

ynusername a quick stop for mirror selfie before rushing to class

charles_leclerc my pretty girl 🤎

user1 oh to be called my pretty girl by charles too 😭

user2 does she always dress like that?

user3 other wags just scream old money with class. this one..i’m not sure myself 😣

user4 lol she can wear whatever she wants

user2 i just wish she wear something more relevant since it’s affecting charles’s image too

user4 that doesn’t make any sense

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

2020

ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, and 103,665 others

ynusername rainy season 🌧️

charles_leclerc I miss you

ynusername I miss you too 🥺🥺

user1 I love how she still look stunning without all those expensive brands

user2 PRETTIESTTT ❤️

user3 is it just me or she looks so out of place compare to other wags?

user4 how i wish she paid more attention to her style

user5 too simple 😕

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

2021

ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, and 277,231 others

ynusername loving this dress! 💛

charles_leclerc beautiful princess

ynusername love youu! 🥺

user1 meeeh tried too hard

user2 lol all those stuffs but still don’t look on par with other wags

user3 omg you look so pretty in a dress!!! AAAAA

user4 charles’s princess ❤️

user5 girl you ate and left all crumbs

“I can’t.”

Charles furrowed his brows to your answer. “What do you mean you can’t? Y/N, we have been together for more than 6 years. Don’t you think it’s time for us to start living together?”

“I got a job offer in London. I’ll be moving away in a week.”

“What? What about us? Don’t you think you should have told me first before you accepted the offer?” He blinked in disbelief, part of him was hoping that you were just pulling a prank on him.

“It was a job that my mom had always been dreaming of, Charles. She sacrificed a lot for me.”You tilted your chin to avoid the tears on your waterline to spill. “She sacrificed her life before she could play with dolls for me. I spent my childhood waiting for the sound of her keys jingling as she came back from her night shift, waking up with just a small note sticked on the side of my breakfast plate because she couldn’t wished me a good morning for having to rush to work. She gave up on her dream, crying from missing her parents in South Korea every night just to make sure I got a chance to draw my life with colours so I wouldn’t have to suffer like she did. I need to accept this job for her. Everything I have been doing and ever will do is for her and you know this.”

Charles remained silence. He had always known your mom’s struggle, raiding you alone as a signle mother and part of him had always known that if you were put in a situation where you had to prioritise your life or your mom’s life, you would always choose hers. He knew it but he was never prepared for the day to come. He couldn’t find himself to say anything else and pulled you into his embrace instead.

“And I’m tired. I’m so, so tired of the constant pressure from everyone. I can’t even wear anything that I want without getting comments about how incompatible I look, how messy I look. I– I don’t know what they– what everyone wants from me. It’s either I looked out of place, an outsider or I looked like I’m trying too hard. I don’t know what everyone expect from me. I’m happy, I’m so goddamn happy that you got to be where you are right now but the more you are building yourself, the more I’m falling apart. I’m losing myself, Charles. I feel like I have been helping you to build your garden while mine is just getting abandoned and forsaken and just full of wilt flowers.”

“I’m sorry.”

That was the last word you remembered him saying as he kept you in your arms, holding you so you wouldn’t fall on your knee from the way your body shook within every sob.

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

2022

ynusername

London, United Kingdom

Liked by charles_leclerc, and 277,663 others

ynusername took a day off to play tourist!

comments have been disabled

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

2023

lancomeofficial and ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, and 377,620 others

lancomeofficial Lancôme newest global ambassador, ynusername lookingall glammed up by jaime.creates.

user1 OMG OMG OMG

user2 THAT’S MY GIRRLL

user3 been here since day 1

user4 She looks unreal

user5 it’s been a while since the last time i saw her in my feed 🥹

user6 still using her ex bf fame to build her name lol she’s worse than other ex wag

user7 are you high???

✧.* tags! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando

[safe-from-sharp-teeth]

Ayo! I haven't answered asks in FOREVER, so it's time for some spring cleaning :) Also answering other stuff, like what I've been up to.

If you sent an ask and it's not here, sorry! I may have deleted it because the prompt required too much work of me and I wasn't feeling it, or I was uncomfortable.

Let's gooooo !

Firstly - where have I been? Work REALLY picked up in a way I wasn't expecting over the last...4 months? I was working double and often triple the hours I was used to. With work, vacations, random illnesses, and many video games I got a bit too obsessed with, this blog took a backseat. Plus, sometimes I get disinterested in vore when obsessed with something else. Sometimes, that lasts months, and it did this time.

But now I can confirm that work will FINALLY chill for a long period of time. I'm free! And more motivated than ever! Wahoo! Thanks for your support ALWAYS.

Next big question - when am I going to do more of my story? The one with Asyr? AHHHHHGHHGHH this story has consumed my life. I think about it daily. I dream about it. And yet I'm not as comfortable writing as I am drawing, so writing is a slow process that my perfectionist ass struggles with. I can assure you that there is a story in the works - and I am working on it at a snail's pace.

Okay, ask time...

@ponyluvesonic09 AYO maybe I'll make a full ghost pred pros/con list for you, because that sounds awesome! Kir//by is one of the silliest canon preds out there. Honestly getting eaten by him would be like getting vored by a vacuum, LOL. Galaxy tummy!! Imagine a prey floating around in one of those item bubbles all grumpy. Thank u for the ask, this is good stuff.

no. ( /・・)ノ

UWAGHHHHH I LIKE HER!!! Never played O/verwat/ch but what a gem!! I have a random fondness for centaur-like preds nowadays. She looks so cozy. THANK U I LOVE HER!!!

@tiger9o0 I have not played r//ain w//orld or know what it's about, LOL. Looks like a platformer? Man, I'm terrrriiiiibblleee at those. But whoever this is on the cover, I LIKE EM. A+. (That might not answer ur question shdjbghkjg SORRY)

@heimkoheimkofan LOVE THAT I GOT THE ROBOT ENJOYERS AFTER THAT ONE POST....YES yall are so right and I'm so wrong for just hard metal robot tums. I will rectify my mistake soon I PROMISE. Also oh! You were the one asking about stomachs other than elemental ones! IVE HAD THAT IN MY DRAFTS FOREVER IM SORRY AHHHH. I REALLY love your imagination with tums and you've inspired me to think of some awesome environments! THANKS

@fastfur07 BWAH?? Ugh I'm all over the place when it comes to art. Some pieces take 30 min (like the zangooc I drew at the top of this post), most take 2 days. Some really hard drawings like my wolf bat creechur from a few months ago and my shrimp from last year took a month. THANK U??

We're going back so far that I think this is about my naga oc (which I'm in the midst of redesigning cough cough). For him, he would never tolerate being prey, extremely unwilling bahaha. In general, I haven't thought much about naga or snake prey! I get the appeal of slurping up a noodle, but I just prefer human prey :)

@fastfur07 you fiend, you always give me the best drawing ideas. UNFORTUNATELY, I didn't have time to draw something for this one. BUTTTT....

(i've had this next one in my drafts for forever)

then i had a silly comic. I'll post the wip here because I won't finish it, so enjoy bahaha.

@blizzaria123-blog THANK U im rapidly melting into a puddle from ur words

@mrpotatomanversionsix relevant. i will continue drawing them 4 u

?!??!!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!? how dare u enter my ask box with this blasphemy

@sfwsillynoms WAH!!! you!!! I'm currently redesigning my naga oc but when I finish I'll tag you, if you're still around! And he can 100% be drawn with ur preysona :)

@mystorl i am SO late to this, but SMART. I like it. I shall give my lil guy this friend. I just want to let u know that I see this and it's wonderful and I will do something abt it.

I remember this ask made me laugh a ton when I first got it. thank u. idk why I find this so funny

@sillylilprey IM CRYING RIGHT BACK AHHHH this is an ancient ask, but thank u! hope you're still enjoying!

@terrytheinsane finally, the last ask in my askbox. I love it. You have been wronged with how long it took me to answer you. I have gained knowledge from your ask. THANKS

AND THAT'S IT!! Thanks guys, I hope to make you proud! Feel free to send more asks, and hopefully I will answer in a TIMELY manner.

Goodnight! And remember: Nice Vore ᕕ༼⌐■-■༽ᕗ

[the-nerds-in-black]

Pokotho...

Bliklotep...

T'noy Keraxis...

Nibblenephim...

Wiggog Y'rath!!!

...

Huh, nothing happened! Uh oh, seems like something's amiss...

Well, anyway, general information and FAQ down below!

What's The Nerds In Black?

The Nerds In Black is an au written by me, Vert!

The premise follows The Lords in Black going through a new struggle, one more terrifying than any of them could ever be: mortality. A surprise visit from them is Webby's last straw, causing her to cast an ancient curse upon them. As punishment for their persistent bullying and lingering maliciousness, they are cursed to endure the annoyances of a physical human form. Human forms of a particularly nerdish variety. Together, they will have to work to regain their title of "The Lords In Black", and reinstate their powers they all hold dear.

Will they return to be bullies in the Black? Or will they be stuck as nerds forever? Only time will tell!

Where Can I Read The Nerds In Black?

It's on my ao3, eldritchfurby! Supplementary material, like silly oneshots and art, will be posted to this blog.

How Often Is The Fanfic Updated?

Typically, every 1-2 weeks. Though this is kind of reliant on how busy my schedule is. I will communicate when a chapter is taking longer than expected!

Blog Tag Glossary

Anything Else Important to Know?

- The Nerds In Black may contain triggering material! However, there is a content warning in the footnotes before any chapter with possibly triggering content.

- The Nerds In Black is mostly an in character fic, however some characters are either exaggerated for story themes, or are given some elements from my personal headcanons.

- Fanworks (fanart, theories, fanfic, etc) are allowed and very appreciated! If you make anything related to The Nerds In Black, tag this blog! I'd love to see it :3

- HOWEVER, this au is completely sfw, so no nsfw fanworks please!

- This fic is made by only one guy, (me, Vert!!) so please take that into consideration if things get slow!

And that's about it!

I hope you enjoy this eldritch nerds and all the shenanigans they get into!

#the nerds in black - general tag for anything NIB related

#ask answered - asks answered by writer

#character ask - asks answered by character

#lore important - asks or posts that contain relevant lore

#lore crumbs - less important character facts (like idk.. Tinky is allergic to seafood or something)

#nib!(character name) - for the purpose of not clogging up the main tags!

#non canon shenanigans - posts not canon to the story (shitposts, april fools stuff, technically character asks fall into non canon because they dont happen in the story? But whatever Im not going to think about it that hard lol!)

#writing update - progess reports on how the next chapter is going! basically me struggleposting because writing is hard

#vert update - used seldomly. me yapping about something random and probably unimportant

#chapter update - for when a new chapter is out!!

[neonmetro]

NOVATURIENT MASTERPOST

Novaturient is a dystopian and bright city separated by districts, brimming with excitement and entertainment provided by the Corporation Heads. Inspired by shoujo manga/anime and RPG elements, the citizens of Novaturient become magical "girls'' and complete quests and kill monsters called Vagabonds in a capitalist hellscape. 

Story synopsis, character references, and FAQ below the cut!

CONTENT WARNINGS BEFORE CONSUMING NOVATURIENT: Extreme graphic violence and blood, abuse

STORY SYNOPSIS

PINK OVERKILL!!: The main story and takes place in present-day Novaturient– It follows a new high-keyed magical girl, Deco, and their aloof industry veteran companion, Eve. Together, they pursue their dreams endlessly, even if it means splattering a little pink. (Vague plot ideas finished)

____________________

APOCALYPTIC EQUOS: Following 4 orphans, Vive, Almagro, Laimos, and Mori, who are grappling with becoming adults and magical girls. At the same time, there is a call for a Grand Hunt from the Capitol District itself, calling for four magical girls to become idols of hope to the city; they may have an opportunity to dominate the lifelong leaderboards. The quartet must find a way to keep up with the ever changing world and to keep exploiting their own trauma for popularity to a minimum. (Plot outline finished)

____________________

MACHINA MORTEM: Project Martyr– a killing game show with 13 robots organized by the Corporations themselves. It follows Moloch, an amnesiac weapons tester, and Azazel, a charismatic yet off-putting weaponsmith, working together to make it out together. The participants do anything to struggle to survive, to lie, cheat, and deceive, they’ll even kill their own family members if it means they can get ahead! You need all the allies you can get. (Plot outline finished)

____________________

THE HUMANE URGE TO KILL EVERYTHING: Everyone wants something, even if they don’t know it yet. Between the Ilium War, there is Aishire, a prodigy genius looking for her big break, and Ithakē Ulysses, a young father who got dragged into the fight, both looking for a way to get ahead with the world in shambles. The story begins with the Founding in power and ends with the opportunities you gain from hundreds of dead soldiers and civilians.* (I got nothing done for this lol)

*The description is ironic, it isn’t meant to glorify war.

LINK TO LORE DOCUMENT

LINKS TO CHARACTER REFERENCES: (only the most plot relevant)

CORPORATION HEADS

THE FOUR HORSEMEN

PROJECT MARTYR

DECO + EVE

FAQ (prone to have things added)

____________________

CAN I DRAW FANART/WRITE FANFIC?

OF COURSE!! I'd appreciate it loads!!! 😭😭😭 Please tag me if you've posted it publicly :D!

____________________

ARE REQUESTS/CHARACTER ASKS OK?

Requests are fine ^^ though I won't respond anything in character for asks, but I encourage you to send asks about them!

____________________

WHERE CAN I FIND EVERYTHING NOVATURI?

You can find it under the Novaturient tag! If looking for a specific character, I suggest looking under their character tag (though if its just trivia I probably wouldn't have tagged it.

____________________

WHAT IS NOVATURI GOING TO BE/WHEN IS IT GOING TO COME OUT?

I have plans on making Apocalyptic Equos a visual novel ^^ Ideally all of them will be visual novels but some combat/choices may be needed and it may expand. I'm not sure when it'll come out... hopefully not in 20 years?? But it'll be awhile since School™ and Commissions™ and because I'm the only one actively working on Novaturient.

[midmorningsong]

man the trigun fandom has had a grip on me like no other fandom in my life; I've noticed a pretty consistent trend with myself of finding out about x show/book (usually through osmosis via online memes) -> watching said show -> recirculating in the fandom for 1-3 years via fanfic and tumblr memes -> fandom starts waning at some point after the show finishes -> start engaging more with another fandom -> cycle repeats

...and this same pattern is holding true for trigun thus far- except --EXCEPT-- the frankly insane hold it has on me. like I'm sure I've thought about fandom brainrot(affectionate) and all that as a fun little metaphor for being in fandom but no actually this is a valid term for all that I'm experiencing it.

I can measure my obsession with trigun via the very definitive method of 'how many AO3 tabs to I have open on average', because in all my years I'd say anywhere between 3 and 20 (at the absolute most), but right now? the past year? for trigun fics? I actually don't want to go count because it's embarrassing but I would say at least 50 as a lowball, and that's not even considering the entire vashwood big bang collection from last year I'm still working through.

SERIOUSLY in any fandom I'm actively checking for new fics and going through writers' works I might go for 1 in 25 stories I see- but with trigun (saying this now currently in 2024), there will be, say, 8 new or updated fics in the vashwood tag in 24hrs and I am extremely interested in reading like 6 of them. And ALL of them will be some kind of sublimely delicious whether it's a beautiful writing style, extremely poignant character introspection, a super engaging AU with a fleshed out world, the best smut you'll never find again, or, you know, ALL OF THE ABOVE.

I'm so curious as to what perfect storm has made this trigun renaissance- if it's a factor of an old established fandom getting more traffic again with new material, or a certain amount of time passing from the original media (so fandom oldies here for the long haul have had plenty of time to write and read 10k meta analyst posts), and trigun itself being a very complex story that has so many deep themes relevant and relatable to our struggles today.

In any case, I'm just thrilled to be here in the thick of it and am of two minds between having some kind of restriction on myself so I can actually have a good balance of hobbies without descending fully into fandom at all possible moments, OR just enjoying the amazing stories and engagements while I'm on the wagon lol

[vanmarkham]

oc in 15

tagged by @foxboyclit, ty :3 this looks fun, i'm always trying to work on voice so this is relevant lol

Rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

sooo I kinda wanna do multiple ocs so I'm gonna do a few lines for multiple ocs!

Gideon Trevelyan

“Fine. I go to the Chantry on Tuesday evenings, but I’m free after. You can help me then.” He moves to leave but stops himself. “Don’t bring Jowan.”

“I’m not afraid!” He is, he’s terrified. It would be slightly more convincing if he wasn’t breathing like he’d just run a race. “I just- I want it gone. I want it gone. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think, so many different… voices in my head saying opposite things.” “If I lived in a grand estate in Amaranthine, I’d at least have silk sheets.” Gideon grins, nudging him with a shoulder. “Oh and a thick Antivan carpet and fennec furs.” He adds dreamily. He looks back at Rodaine. “I bet I can picture your room clearly. Immaculate and barren and austere and full of books.”

Grant Hawke this one was hard, i haven't written enough of him interacting with friends lmao, i promise he is not a hardass all the time

“You shouldn’t have run up to them like that.” Hawke reprimands. “What were you bloody thinking? I could have handled it.” "I'm not losing any more money and I'm not losing the shirt off my back. What does that leave me?" “I have questions about your maps, Warden.”

Valztefein Rilynval

“Got you this warm room and all and you’re whining. Don’t I deserve some attention, Elkantar?” “This is what we’re calling a best man these days? Surely I’ve already bested him and I haven’t even drawn my blade?” “This is true. You are weak. Far weaker than any cleric of Lolth should be.” “It seems our dear fresh-faced fighter has lost his tongue.” He presses his heel further into his gut. “Louder.”

Cyril Lodovka

Cyril smiles, rising again to his full height. “I have prepared the entertainment tonight, my dear. I have something for you… a gift, of sorts. That is, if you wish to see it.” Cyril chuckles, smiling into his own glass. “You may send him into a conniption. Throw in some reference to bacchanal blood-drinking feasts and the fashionability of the Undead and even the chirurgeons will struggle to mend him.” "I will endeavor to compliment you less until you can properly receive my attentions," Cyril teases. “I can make something that may relieve it a little. Help you rest. Unless you’d prefer your method of suffering in silence?” “Apologies. I did not mean to condescend. It is simply… charming, and I am not one to speak, my instructors abhorred reading my assignments.”

i tag @transprincecaspian @sinquisition @ysali @idolsgf

[saynomorefic]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

thank you @darktwistedgenderplural <3 so sweet of you to tag me hehe

How many works do you have on Ao3?

15 - 5 YR and 10 one direction that I wrote like 10 years ago lol

What's your total Ao3 word count?

81,454 :0

What fandoms do you write for?

Young Royals, that's it <3

Top five fics by kudos: (I'm doing my top 3 young royals fics because I reaally don't want people re-reading my old 1d fic lol)(It is in the [public] archives)

Falling for you

All the rules to this game I bend

You Kill Me & Like birds do, I need to fly south (tied)

Do you respond to comments?

YES always!! I tend to have pretty long responses bc I love learning what people like and having a conversation <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'd say I won't treat you like you're oh so typical. However, this is a WIP and so I'm just going off of where I left things.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm most of them have happy endings! My fluffiest fic is Like birds do, beginning to end.

Do you get hate on fics?

No

Do you write smut?

Yes I do! Not all my fics have smut though. I will say I prefer writing my characters talk about sex, and exploring their sexuality as a major theme, to writing actual smut, not because I don't enjoy it but because it's hard!! I sometimes struggle to be creative.

Craziest crossover:

None

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No although I'd love to

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've gifted works, but never co-written anything. That would be so fun!

All time favourite ship?

Wilmon ofc <3

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

That one's hard. I hesitate to say because sometimes I get inspired by old ideas. I had one that is Wille as a new cat dad with a rascal of a cat who keeps breaking things, and Simon is called as a cat whisperer. The catch: Simon's methods are unique and involve him spending three days 24/7 at Wille's apartment. I just am not capable of this level of fluff lol

What are your writing strengths?

I think I develop really elaborate ideas and worlds in my head, and I do try to make them as convincing as possible. I only write AUs, so I think this is a big part of that. I like writing descriptively bc of my liberal arts degree, and I also try to work in as many life experiences and make things feel relevant to the world around us, aka writing from a critical perspective even if it's fictional. I hope I'm achieving this even slightly!

What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh god lol. I get writing exhaustion pretty hard because of idea overload, and I look back at the page and feel like I've lost my voice or style completely. I think I struggle with varying the sentence structure so things feel natural. I'm also working on incorporating metaphors and symbolism effectively - I've been writing papers for so long in college that metaphors don't come as easily anymore.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I think it's great, although sometimes I won't do it because google translate is unreliable and I don't have a beta reader currently. However, I like throwing in phrases here and there we see on YR a lot :-)

First fandom you wrote in?

One direction

Favourite fic you've written?

It would have to be You Kill Me, although it's not done. I put so much into their world and have so much more to show!! I'm proud of directly tackling a lot of the power dynamics and their intimate effects (on Simon especially) that I feel weren't addressed fully in the show, albeit in another universe. (Also yay for Felice and Simon's friendship and talking about racial issues together <3) The recent love for it has been so amazing and inspired me to keep going.

I tag: @nothingadoaboutnothing @youngroyalsforeversposts <3

thank you so much! <3

[israaverse]

I'm sorry if someone asked this before, but what sources do you use for your Canaanite myths series? I'd love to read more on the myths, your art is so inspirational. Are they in English, Arabic, or something else entirely? Thank you, don't feel forced to respond 🧡

hey there!! thank you so much!

I have a very short list here of stuff I'm reading or currently reading, all in english. the first one is accessible without an institution login (iirc) but unfortunately the rest are not. i know i have a bit more pulled up on the internet archive but the tragedy of it being down is really felt here :( I'm thinking of finding a way to put together a list of stuff I really like of Canaan myth because i've gotten a lot of these messages lately! maybe a document or something, because i personally have struggled REALLY bad with finding a translation/dissection of the Baal Cycle that isnt 1. stupid old, 2. really biased (biblical lens) or 3. 300 bucks, so if i find smth like that that is open source i will ABSOLUTELY keep you all posted.

your question about language specifically got me thinking, i'm sure that there has to be a lot of hebrew or yiddish (older) stuff out there about this. unfortunately zionism likes to co-opt history but it may be relevant when looking. also unfortunately, my arabic is nowhere near good enough to read any scholarly articles (i'm still relearning, i have to sound things out very slowly and only do well with the harakat, much less know definitions).

that reminds me, i once found on google books a scan of something that linked the root word of Anat's name, 'nt, to 'anwat, meaning forceful/forcing as in violent in arabic. i'll see if i can find that as well. i'll try to keep finding stuff that people can access without uni logins but even then there's a ton of stuff on Brill that even i cant get to and dont know about. that's one of my greatest gripes about the academy, the hiding and clandestinization of knowledge instead of its dissemination. i really think anyone should be able to access scholarly articles, but thats just me lol (/sarcasm, lighthearted)

long story short, i'll try and keep up on it! for now ill try and tag things as #canaan resources, or #history resources. ill worry about the logistics later. thanks agaib for the message, im always so happy to hear other people are interested in this! again i HIGHLY recommend the first article by Lloyd in the linked post, hes really poignant and diligent!

[aihoshiino]

I saw recently you said that you dont like the current version of akane, and I honestly agree. But what are your reason you dont like post tb akane

Hello anon, sorry for the wait!!! I have actually been pecking at the response for this all week because it ended up dovetailing into some of my broader thoughts and issues with the manga using my feelings about Akane's characterization as a sort of lens/jumping off point. I hope this is still interesting to read even though it took forever to answer lol.

I also want to note that the bulk of this post was written before chapter 128! Some of my issues that are mentioned in this post did get sort of poked at and paid some lipservice in a way that makes me hopeful we'll get some improvement on this stuff as the movie arc progresses. Think of this as 'my pre-128 thoughts' if you come across it in like a post chapter 130 world in the distant future. It's also uh fucking long (it was over 2000 words long when I stopped counting.....) so enjoy this mini essay???

To get my most neutral thoughts out of the way up front, Akane is a character I really like in LoveNow! I think the arc she's given is compelling and her struggles feel super real. The gradual peeling back of her outer layers and the reveal that she's just as damaged by the industry as the people around her was really good and my only real major problem with LN is that I felt like the aftermath of her suicide attempt (at least, emotionally speaking) was glossed over a bit too quickly for my liking. On top of that, I like a lot of ideas about TB Akane on paper and I'm not inherently against any of the things that get put on the table in relation to her. My issues are more to do with the ways Akasaka executes said ideas and – imo – fails to capitalize on a lot of the interesting potential that a character like Akane presents.

I think this issue partially stems from the fact that Akane and Memcho were (iirc anyway) not actually originally intended to stick around with the main cast past the LoveNow arc. Memcho didn't really have a personal arc during LoveNow and during the rest of the manga, she sort of has a "flat" arc, so I think she makes the transition a lot more gracefully. Which is not to say Memcho herself is a flat character lol! Rather a 'flat' arc is when a character doesn't necessarily have some major change in themselves, but their intrinsic traits/beliefs/etc help to advance the arcs of characters around them; sort of like a mentor type character, if that helps.

Akane, by contrast, had a pretty dynamic character arc that felt as though it was intended to be relatively self contained and conclusive but with Akasaka's plans changing behind the scenes, Akane has ended up sort of outlasting the arc she was originally set up to have. That's not to say a character can't still be relevant after their arc is done or that a character needs an active ongoing arc to work within a story but there's a lot of things about the way that arc is simply not resolved that bug me – for example, the arc wrap makes a big point of saying that Akane will probably have to deal with ongoing online negativity for the rest of her career but this never comes up again even in places where it really should be relevant. I also just personally am not a big fan of how quickly and completely Akane's suicide attempt gets swept under the rug and is literally never addressed again once LoveNow wraps but that's more of an issue with OnK's bad habit of dropping loose threads a whole than it is something specific to Akane.

As for the rest of it… uh, this might be a bummer to see in the main tag if Akane is your Oshi no Girlie so I'll put the rest of my thoughts behind a cut. Akane enjoyers, please feel free to pretend I'm just talking about my favourite ice cream flavours or something. Or even go get some ice cream yourself and say it's on me. I don't care if it's October, ice cream is a forever food!!!

SO… To get the most immediate and shallow points off the table first, I just find the character design change between LoveNow and TB Akane really jarring lol. Like, I guess it's not necessarily impossible for her hair to have grown down to her chest in the time between LoveNow and when she pops back up but that combined with the changes in how she starts being characterized really just widen that gulf. The only time she ever really feels like LoveNow Akane to me again is when she takes Aqua to see a 2.5D play and is just so happy afterwards that he enjoyed it – that's cute! That's charming! That's the Akane I liked a lot in LoveNow and I feel like we don't really see her again after that but it's hard to put my finger on what feels so off. It's kind of just Vibes.

Getting into more serious, structural stuff a big part of why I feel post-TB Akane falls flat for me is simply that a lot of the interesting things Aka put on the table for her during LoveNow have been swept away and ignored. There are so many things that could be done with Akane as a character that are absolutely screaming out with incredible thematic potential but Akasaka hasn't really taken advantage of any of them. At the worst points of the manga, it feels like she's being used as a blunt force tool to make the plot go at the speed Akasaka wants it to progress and this has resulted in Akane spending a good chunk of the story doing literally nothing on-panel that doesn't revolve around Aqua in some way. Everything else – her rivalry with Kana, her passion for acting, her relationship with her family and her manager – is paid the barest bits of lipservice if it's even acknowledged at all but when you really get down to the nitty gritty of what Akane meaningfully engages with and achieves in most arcs now exclusively has to do with Aqua.

It's not inherently a bad thing for a character to be motivated by outside factors or for their actions to be driven by devotion or even hatred for somebody else – Aqua himself is a good example of a character whose arc is driven by both of these things, as his devotion to Ai and hatred for the man who hurt her are the main external things driving him through pretty much the entire story so far. But Aqua also has things going on outside of this – other important connections and relationships, feelings and conflicts and motivations that make him feel, imo, more well realized. Not only that, but his arc has a very well conveyed and easy to understand "want vs need" conflict, of his continued pursuit of revenge having clear and tangible friction with his emotional need to let go of his past trauma and move on.

Akane has, since Tokyo Blade, been sorely lacking in a lot of these areas. Her acting career progresses entirely offscreen with no apparent conflict or effort on her part and she has absolutely no strong or meaningful connections to the cast outside of Aqua and arguably Kana, but they haven't really had any sort of meaningful or meaty interactions since way back around, what, the mid-70s, in chapter terms? Not only that but her existing relationships have largely been completely put to the wayside, too. LoveNow establishes her as a person who cares deeply for the people who care for her – her mom, her manager, her friends on the show. Akane felt so bad about people saying bad things about her mom and her manager online – not even harassment actually directed at them, or that we have any reason to believe they saw or received! – that it contributed to her suicide attempt. Contrast this to when she is literally about to walk off and attempt a literal actual fucking murder and all she's thinking is "aqua… let's have crepes together… let's be together forever…". No consideration for her parents, who are about to go through unimaginable pain, or the promising acting career she's about to destroy? Nope! Akane revolves entirely around Aqua now. It feels insulting!

I don't even necessarily hate or even disagree with taking Akane in the direction of her fixating on Aqua in response to him saving her and feeling like she has to cling to him and throw away her life to 'save' him in return. I do think the story is purposely portraying this as an unhealthy fixation and does not want us to uncritically celebrate this aspect of their relationship but I also just think the story kind of fails to really examine Akane to the logical conclusion of that flaw.

In general, Akane is one of those characters who like… I don't quite know how to express this feeling so forgive me if I go in circles on this topic a bit, but there are occasions where Akane will do or say something genuinely shitty or deranged or display a pattern of behaviour that speaks clearly to a flaw of hers in ways I want to be on board and engaged with but as time passes, it becomes clear that the narrative does not actually see anything wrong with what just happened and so it never gets addressed or meaningfully engaged with. There's a lot of little bits like this (can we talk about how Akane leveraged her suicide attempt against Aqua as a manipulation technique in TB and this never comes up again?? lol???) but the thing that really truly sticks in my craw is the way Akane is repeatedly depicted as continuing to use her fake 'Aikane' persona (as conveyed by the star eyes) during her acting career and starts getting famous at least partially because of it.

This is going to sound really dramatic but as someone who deeply, deeply cares about Ai and is so, so compelled by the tragedy that was her exploitation in life and death – this is so horrifying! This is Akane directly profiting off her exploitation of Ai's image. This is Akane digging up Ai's corpse so she can rip out her guts and parade around wearing them. It is absolutely baffling to me that the story at no point pauses to at least acknowledge that this is another way in which Ai is being exploited even in death – that even now, almost twenty years later, she cannot ever escape or be left to rest in peace as a human being.

Honestly Akane's relationship to Ai is SUCH a mountain of missed opportunities it makes me kind of crazy. Like, we get some wishy-washy stuff about ~Ai's emotions that were revived in her~ but seemingly the only thing done with that is to give Akane a cheat code to magically know things about the mystery she should have no reasonable way of deducting. But like - if Akane really does understand Ai so completely and it's so empathetic that she can Sherlock scan the emotions of a dead woman she had never met then why does she never, you know… express any kind of opinion on her? What does Akane think of Ai? What does she think about the way Ai was exploited and abused by the very industry Akane is trying to break into? Holy shit! It should be SO obvious to draw a parallel between Ai's death at the hands of a ex-fan and Akane's suicide attempt driven by fan harassment. But Akane just… never talks about Ai or even really treats her like a person even though she apparently downloaded Ai into her brain by reading Wikipedia really hard.

It's frustrating because there SHOULD be a really great thematic idea here - other characters often treat Ai as this inscrutable enigma but with Akane, there was the opportunity to make a point that Ai was just a lonely, messed up person and that if Akane can come to understand and connect with her post mortem then the people in her life absolutely could have put in the effort to understand and connect with her while she was still alive. The story failing to have Akane treat Ai even the slightest bit like a person ends up making her feel really callous in a way that was clearly not intentional and is, as a result, frustrating to read. This also comes into play in the ways she's so tunnel visioned on Aqua. Like, there's just something really darkly funny about Akane acknowledging how insanely unimaginably tragic the horror of Ai's death is and the way the people closest to her were robbed of the opportunity to publicly heal and grieve and then she just... totally fails to acknowledge Ruby also experienced this life altering trauma? LIKE

"your little sister is on her own, though"

To be clear, Akane being callous and kind of tunnel-visioned is not in of itself something I have a problem with. As a Category 5 Women's Wrongs Enjoyer (my list of favourite fictional women includes Monika DDLC, Akane Shinjo and Junko Enoshima lol) so I actually think Akane having those sorts of nastier flaws or at least having blinders up that make her behave in such a way that contrasts her actually heart would be so good and juicy! It would be a really good opportunity to dig into ideas of like... someone can go through something horrible that negatively impacts them and maybe even makes them behave in poor and destructive ways, but just because someone isn't a 100% pure and sympathetic 'perfect' victim doesn't at all take away from the fact that they were victimized and they still deserve to be helped and protected. But because the story seems to be largely unaware that Akane comes off like this, it fails to be meaningfully engaged with which, again, makes it frustrating to read.

I do have hope that a lot of these issues will be resolved, though! The AquAkane breakup finally forcefully ripped her out of the role of 'Aqua's Perfect Girlfriend' and while she's still orbiting him a bit more than I necessarily would like, chapter 128 has already done a lot to address some of these issues. Even stuff as small as Akane talking to Memcho and Kana and not really having any page time with Aqua and her acknowledging that both Aqua and Ruby (with particular emphasis on Ruby, it seems!) are both still suffering in the aftermath of their childhood trauma. It's small, but a lot of my issues with Akane were of the 'death by a thousand cuts' variety so even having them addressed in these passing ways does a lot to help.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I eventually come around on Akane and end up liking her a lot more. I've sort of had similar feelings about characters in works I like before – off the top of my head, I remember really disliking Naoto from Persona 4 when I first played the game because the section of the story she's associated with has some really bullshit pacing and Naoto is used in some really awkward ways by the narrative that made me associate those feelings of frustration with her. I felt similarly about Megumi from 13 Sentinels where I felt like some of the beats in her story dragged down both her arc and the arcs of the characters associated with her and really disliked her as a result. Upon revisiting both games though, I was able to properly separate my feelings of frustration with the narrative from the characters themselves and ended up coming around on both of them in a huge way.

Once Oshi no Ko wraps and we can see what Akane's arc looks like in its entirety, I fully expect to have a similar turnaround on her. I don't expect that she'll ever be one of my favourite characters but once we can see the totality of her character arc and the full scope of her role in the story, I expect to find more appreciation for her. Right now, though, while I'm still sort of stewing in disappointment, hope, expectation and frustrations it's hard to fully come around on her.