#straight up murdered like dude that’s just not what abandoning is

[gods-favorite-autistic]

The only things I know about Catullus is that he called his lover in his poems Lesbia by choice and her actual name was Clodia and it used to be Claudia until some reverse adoption happened and her name got changed

[the-s1lly-corner]

Various Creepypastas x Reader who sleeps in weird spaces

3/5 of the prizes for @reivelmin !!

Post contains: Eyeless Jack, Laughing Jack, Hoodie, Masky, Ticci Toby, Liu, and Bloody Painter!

I actually dont think I've written for Helen before?? I know I havent written for Liu yet so heres to hoping my takes and hcs are accurate!

EYELESS JACK

When he first catches you in the closet sleeping nearly standing straight up he nearly yelps. You made the stoic eyeless Jack, the man who rarely flinches or jumps at anything, jolt. Naturally he wakes you up and asks why you're in there, but no answer really satisfies him. He tries to drag you to bed and for the night everything is.. normal. But this will be far from the last time he finds you sleeping in an odd place, seemingly unbothered. He eventually asks if theres something going on with you, even dumbly asking if theres something wrong with the bed.. but alas, nothing. You just.. sleep like that.. he often drags you into bed so you dont get sore or fall over

LAUGHING JACK

He thinks you're pranking him, and of course he starts cracking up. He commends you for getting him good, only for his laughter to die down when he realizes that you are in fact asleep while curled in a cabinet. For a moment he thinks you.. died.. or worse was murdered and stuffed into the odd place. He nearly rips you out of the space before you finally crack an eye open. Please dont scare him like that again, he does not take abandonment well even if the scenario is someone possibly dying. Once the shock is over with and he grows more used to it, the humor he originally found in it returns.. it almost turns into a game of where hes going to find you next and what position you're going to be in.. he does not bother to take you to bed and if theres room hes going to squeeze in with you wherever you are

MASKY

Hes probably done that at least once, he sometimes watches you in your sleep on the occasion that you actually fall asleep in a normal place (bed, couch, ect) and he kind of slumps into the corner he was sulking in. Though you... certainly one up him when he catches you sleeping on top of the fridge! If you're in a hard to reach place or really deep into it he leaves you be without attempting to get you out. Eventually he kind of just accepts that this is something you do and completely leaves you alone unless you're in the way of something. More likely to wake you up than moving you out of the way, though... you've probably gotten jumpscared by him simply standing there waiting for you to wake up

HOODIE

Very similar to Masky but I do think Hoodie would take you to bed so you dont get sick (floors are cold, people!) Or getting a knot somewhere in your muscles. Partly because he will likely be too busy with his work to tend to you, partly also because he can be stern when it comes to your health. Theres no ifs ands or buts, hes taking you to bed and hes going to keep you there! Hes a big dude too, he'll hold you in place next to him if he has to

TICCI TOBY

He gets it, honestly. If it's like a security or a comfort thing or just out of impulse he gets it. You might find him sleeping in ungodly positions when he crashes at your place, or sleeping under the bed. He has used a chair as a blanket before. He might feel inclined to try to one up you, actually. All fun and games of course! He also does not carry you to bed, and similar to LJ he might just join you if theres room! Just be warned when sleeping around him he might draw on your face or something.. definitely takes your phone so he can take pictures of you to make fun of you later

LIU

For a minute he doesnt realize exactly what's going on. He might actually pick your stuffed animal up and give it back to you and shut the door of the closet before ripping it open as he stares at you. Gently shakes your shoulder to wake you up, and while he might have to get a little harsh to actually get you awake hes apologizing for waking you up. So so so many questions. Why are you doing that? Why dont you come to bed? Will not take no for an answer. He wants answers, if there are any. After you offer an explanation hes a lot more understanding about it although still very.. confused. Are you not worried about falling over in your sleep? Or even just waking up uncomfortable...? That aside how do you even.. sleep standing up like that, and how long were you like that..? He just.. accepts it

BLOODY PAINTER

Very neutral about it, but he does entertain you with questions when he catches you awake in the morning. It doesnt matter where you sleep, hes not going to disturb you unless you get in his way. But considering hes claimed a corner in your home for himself and his belongings, you don't have to worry about that! Despite claiming to not mind all that much you still seem to wake up in bed despite falling asleep under it. He'll never admit to moving you, but theres no other person who could have done it.. he also wont ever say it but he does sometimes want you to lay next to him

[muffinlance]

Read "Suki, Alone". Liked it in general. But can they please, please hire someone who knows both the show's actual events and how to follow through on a character arc? Because guys. Guys. That comic is not implying about Suki what they meant it to be implying, and all because of literally one line.

So like. From a writer's standpoint:

What they meant to do: show Suki as a community-oriented person who cares for her people, and believes in everyone succeeding together.

As opposed to (spoilers): the thief girl they set her up in contrast with, who's pretty upfront and consistent on primarily looking out for herself. She betrays Suki for one (1) corn chip to improve her own life at the prison, no surprise.

But the problem is: they give Suki an inspirational line to the effect of "we're all working together and we'll all break out together"

You know

The thing she does not do in the show

So if both the show and this comic are canon, then instead of setting up a compare/contrast with the thief girl, they've just set up a comparison. One were Suki is arguably worse, because she's been leading a significant number of prisoners on with her "we'll all fight and win our freedom together!" business, only to straight up cut them out of the escape loop and abandon them, whereas the thief is only leading Suki on in the sense that Suki keeps telling her what it's morally correct to think and confuses snide replies with agreement

My dudes. My fellow writers. You people actually being paid for this. There were so many ways to fix those awful implications against our girl's character, the simplest of which would be to not include that line. Or they could have, you know, made it canon compliant with what actually happens in the show, so that this comic doesn't set Suki up as a betrayer instead of a community builder. Like... just send all her good prison buddies off to other prisons in the wake of the warden finding out they're colluding. Have it timed to be right before the next new prisoners arrive, thus setting it immediately before the Boiling Rock episodes, so Suki didn't have anyone left in the prison she'd want to take with her on a breakout. For bonus points, include a page or two of her and her Kyoshi warriors opening up the cell of one of her prison friends post-war, thus implying she's tracking down and actually fulfilling her promises. Maybe even show her doing the same with thief girl, who was established as being imprisoned on false charges anyway, and also showing that Suki is A) the bigger person, and B) willing to acknowledge her own role in mistakes (because I cannot emphasize enough how much thief girl was not hiding her own priorities, and it was Suki who approached HER with all this, not the girl ever doing anything special to weasel her way in) (this would also open up an opportunity for paralleling Suki's earlier in-comic mistake of not listening to one of her friend's very valid thoughts and feeling, which lead to the girl leaving their island alone pre-canon; a "seeing people as they are, not what you want them to be" moment)

Anyway yeah enjoyable enough for a quick read but another one for the "this can't be canon or the characters are So Much Worse than they were in the actual show" pile

At least Aang didn't promise to murder anyone in this one

[afsosville]

An extension to the PIDW x Ever After High AU

The first post was pretty short so I'm going to put it here too.

For clarity, the 'parents' in this AU are the OG PIDW characters, and will go by their courtesy name, and the children are an AU version of them and have their birth name (so SQQ is the parent and SJ is the kid, YQY is the parent and YQ is the kid, LBG, is the parent, and  LBM is the kid, or at least a more mentally stable version of Bingmei? etc) 

SJ is pretty much fanon SJ, and a very mellowed out version of him, since in this AU, he didn't end up as a slave. Still traumatized tho. I like my Shen Jius traumatized. Shen Jiu is Raven in this AU, and he DOES NOT like his destiny. That's putting it lightly. NO ONE is happy. YQ doesn't want to be forced to abandon SJ and go through a horrifying qi deviation in the Lingxi Caves. And have his little brother's severed legs be sent to him as a present one day, and walk to his death the next. Yikes. Liu Mingyu doesn't want to die prematurely and have his shixiong be falsely accused of his murder. And Binghe doesn't like it either because he had a better childhood too, and is, well, disturbed, by the shit his father did, and the fate that's written for him. Binghe has his issues and he's that one quote "My father is the worst man alive and I am his favourite son". Like he knows the shit his dad did was completely unhinged. Him and the Book of Legends bear most of his hatred, and he never really has anything against Shen Jiu.

Everything just sorta revolves around everyone finding out what kinda person 'Shen Qingqiu' really is, along with the defying destiny thing Ever After High had going on. All the kids are just getting along far better than any of their parents did. The other mxtx characters are in here too, Wei Ying, Lan Zhan, Wen Ning, etc. 

LBG is totally going to be here too. He's acting all creepy towards SJ, like this mf is so close to tearing his off limbs too, and he's really tryna hold himself back. And he's fully planning to torture him too once his son puts Shen Jiu is the water prison because his SQQ is already dead. When he sees SJ in the flesh, he's eying him in a way that screams "I'm going to own you and there's little stopping me from having you in chains like your father." SJ is not so subtly hiding behind LBM, while LBM is so ready to fight his father to the death for SJ. 

The OG PLs from PIDW will definitely have some fucking regrets and will try to make it up to SJ coz the person they actually wronged is long dead (or is he?). And the peak lord kids are running interference everytime their parents want to get close to SJ, with maybe the exception of SQH and LQG. OG! LQG is alive because. Well I'll think of smt later. Plant body revival???? 

QHT has a son and a daughter who are supposed to be QJL and QHT, as is their so-called destiny. During Legacy Day, the kid that's supposed to end up like QJL sees flashes of his uncle's life and ofc he'll end up seeing the abuse SQQ endured under him. It is at that moment, what really happened in the Qiu manor was revealed. QHT's son is actually a chill dude who hates his destiny too and hates his uncle even more. SJ and QHT's kids are cool with each other, and this pisses off QHT so much lol.

Now more onto SQQ.

This mf is ALIVE and KICKING. And by that I mean he absolutely did pull mushroom body getaway and did some serious demonic cultivator bullshit to animate his dead body like some voodoo god. LBG was straight up torturing a corpse lol. SQQ originally didn't want to sign either but decided to do it anyway because he knew LBG definitely wanted to. SQQ thought that he should legitimately try to kill him so he doesn't turn into that. SQQ knew that ofc he would ultimately die in the end, but thought his villain halo could still try to do some damage to LBG, and to prevent his rise to power, and work against the destiny he signed at the same time. Obviously, the protagonist still had to come out on top and SQQ failed miserably. So. Mushroom getaway>>

Listen, those mushrooms were obviously supposed to be used in the OG PIDW. and somehow weren't iirc. And it was supposed to be used by a villain. So yes, SQQ's generation does end up being PIDW complacent. Except SQQ is a smartass and is living his life away from any destiny bullshit rn.

SJ/LBM will reunite with SQQ.

SQQ will end up liking LBM but he's still a mother hen, so he'll be giving him a really hard time before he's ready to let him anywhere near his son.

SQQ was separated from his son until this point. The name SQQ meant to give him was Jiu, as in turtledove. Which has this whole meaning of 'enduring love'. He meant for SJ to not turn out like him and to live out his best life despite what life throws at him. I absolutely love the fics where the author makes the Jiu in Shen Jiu be the character for turtledove. And with SQQ-J taking care of his younger self in a way. SQQ and SJ are going to have the fluffiest father-son relationship because I deem it to be so. Unlike LBG and LBM, my badd:/ Have fun with those daddy issues, buddy.

Within the chaos that is SQQ's mind, he really did not regret doing what he did to LBG, but y'know, having some time to himself while he was on his sabbatical, he learnt a few things about himself, and how he used LBG's future self to justify trying to kill smn who otherwise didn't do anything wrong (yet). And the fact that things could've turned out better if he truly went with his heart and hadn't signed the book like his son will HAUNT HIM. Sure LBG may or may not have wanted his destiny but SQQ definitely didn't!! He could've fucked up his story by not signing it just the same!! This is totally not eating him up alive!! Yup!! He just haddddd to sign it and thought be could kill LBG to avoid future devastation. Said future devastation still came to pass lol. RIP SQQ's sanity, I truly feel for you.

Let me make this worse. LBG didn't want to sign it either and was peer pressured into doing it. He genuinely thought he could reason with SQQ after Legacy Day and tell him he really didn't want them to hurt each other. And he was so sure SQQ felt the same way, he could've sworn they were on the same page- but then he saw how determined SQQ was to sign the Book of Legends on Legacy Day. And when SQQ's hardened gaze locked in on LBG, he met SQQ's eyes, promising a future of pain for them both. LBG ignores the way his heart shatters at the resolution.

Look, enemies to lovers BingJiu is fine and all, but consider LOVERS to ENEMIES BINGJIU!!! I'm just imagining BingJiu animatics in head with Taylor Swift's Bad Blood egckfxv.,

Coz yes, even the prev B9 gen totally had smt going on. Too bad for them tho, it ain't happening.

The rest is stuff from the first post >>>

Imagine how fucked up it would be if Shen Jiu is up there doing the book signing ceremony that seals his destiny of becoming the next 'Shen Qingqiu', and the mirrors display him getting thrown away by his martial siblings at the trial, and his limbs being torn off and other despicable tortures, and being brought down so low that your humanity is stripped away from you, all for an audience to see. And they cheer. The crowd is ecstatic, perhaps even more so than when his father, Shen Qingqiu, was put on trial.

 Shen Jiu x Pain is my favourite ship, can you tell??

Shen Jiu is barely 15 when this happens and every goddamn person is reveling in this child getting tortured. Amidst the sea of people who loathe him, there is one person not advocating for his death, and that is LBH’s son!! The very person that’s supposed to kill him!!! When LBM sees the same hopelessness that he feels in SJ’s eyes, he decides at that moment that he will be SJ’s number one defender. Everything else be damned. When SJ announces that he will not be pledging to a life of misery, LBM gets up on that stage and makes it clear that he won’t either. 

OML I did smt cool. You see the parallel I just fucking made wowwwwww.

Snippets that my mutes made for this AU 🩷🩷🩷

By Sleepyssnail

By Celestialbruise

Og post

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE SEUNG EUN HAN(JOHAN SEONG) HEADCANONS

I feel so bad for what he has to go through, he does NOT deserve whatever he has to go through 

You'd meet Johan Seong when his dog Eden would run off from him as usual. He was hunting for Eden as usual when he spotted him with you, you were petting his head and stroking his ears as Johan smiled softly to himself, glad to see that Eden was okay and he struck up a conversation with you. The two of you would talk for a while and Johan would be lying if he said he didn't like your company. He actually liked spending time with you and wanted to spend more time with you, which was something he didn't feel since a long time. He wants to know more about you however his mind will be telling him to cool it for the time being. He's quite disappointed even when he doesn't show it that you have to leave, he wishes he could spend more time with you and get to know you better 

He wouldn't exactly fall in love at first sight, he doesn't believe in the whole love at first sight thing and has a rather logical outlook on the world. With his mom's blindness and his decreasing sight, he knows the only way to survive in the world is if he gets stronger and has power. Falling in love was the last thing he'd ever wanted, so why was his heart racing wildly against his chest and his face felt warm and flushed whenever he kept seeing you? Perhaps he was getting sick...that could be the reason, he isn't supposed to fall in love. He'll keep denying his feelings for you at first but when he sees you with someone else he'll get really cranky and annoyed. Why the HELL are you hanging with some other random dude when you have him by your side? Is this a way of telling him that he's not good enough for you or something? You should have known you're supposed to be by HIS side since the day you've met Eden and him 

He has abandonment issues and trust issues, a LOT. He'll do extensive research on your likes and dislikes and your personality and he'll have your habits memorized too. He literally BLENDS in with the shadows of the night which makes it easier for him to stalk you and tail you whenever you're going back to your house. He'll end up breaking into your house as well at some point maybe when you're away or something. He'll take in every single detail of your room and ensure Eden doesn't mess up your room. His eyes will land on the pictures of you with your friends and his expression will darken slightly. He doesn't care if they're people from your past but he does hope you're in contact with them any longer, else he'll have to make a few house calls 

He'll take a few 'souvenirs' for himself as well, not major things which you would realize would be missing, small things like your pens, pencils, your favorite lip gloss so he can imagine what it would be like to kiss those beautiful soft lips of yours...He has insecurities as well, he's worried you'll leave him like everyone else one day and that can't happen. The thought of losing you scares him, he can't lose you. He gets annoyed when someone else tries to steal you away from him, it just pisses him off to the core. Once you've left, he'll deal with that pest immediately by breaking their bones or just straight up murdering them. He shows NO mercy to those lousy scumbags who want to take you from him. The other day while you were speaking to one of the guys from your school, you didn't realize he was being too flirty with you and touchy with you, you failed to observe the slightly perverted look in his eyes but someone noticed it all right. A certain brown haired guy who always followed you around noticed it from the shadows, dressed in his usual black hoodie, white shirt and red sweatpants as his fists clenched till his nails dug into his skin 

After you left, Johan followed the guy back to his house and just as he was about to enter his house, he grabbed him by his hair and dragged him to the back of the alley nearby and slammed him against the wall as he warned him in a ominous tone to stay the hell away from you as he beat him unconscious to a bloody pulp. If he decides to ignore his words, he could always pay a night visit to get rid of him permanently. You have to hand it to him, he's determined when he wants to be. When he's determined to make you his in every way and manner possible, you better believe he's willing to do whatever the HELL it takes for that to happen. At frist he'll cleverly isolate you from your friends with slight emotional manipulation and guilt tripping from his side till you realize what's happening and it'll be too late for you to do anything 

Due to his insecurities and fears and all the immense paranoia of losing you, he'll kidnap you quicker than expected 

You'll wake up in his house and you'll be confused why Eden is with you, nuzzling his head against your hand. Johan would just calmly walk into the room and tell you what he did with a stoic look on his face while you'll be freaking out and panicking at what happened. He'll be slightly annoyed with you panicking, why are you getting scared? He's doing this for your own good, he's protecting you and saving you from every single thing that could potentially harm you. You should be glad, but he'll feel slightly bad when he sees you crying. He'll let out a soft sigh and grumble slightly as he'll wipe your tears with his thumb and caress your cheek softly and lovingly as he'll make some food for you. Don't think of abstaining yourself from eating or starving yourself, he'll just make you sit on his lap and feed you as he shoves mouthfuls of food into your mouth. You're eating one way or another and he'll make sure of that even if he has to FORCE you to eat and take care of yourself 

He's closed off and stoic around other people but he's like a hurt innocent child when he's around you. He feels like he can trust you, you've managed to tear down those barriers and walls caging his heart so it's a big deal when he starts telling you his feelings. When you hold him for the first time and hug him, it takes him all his will power and self control not to just tear up in your arms. He'll sigh in content as he'll pull you closer to him and bury his face in the nape of your neck. Yeah, whatever plans you've had afterwards will have to wait because once you're in his arms he'll refuse to let you go, clinging onto you like a leech or moss on the bottom of a rock 

Did I mention he was incredibly clingy too? He NEEDS to be around you, he'll hug you from behind whenever you're doing something. Even when you're sleeping he doesn't let you be, he'll be the big spoon as he pulls you closer to him to cuddle with you and he feels like he's protecting you from something. Just humor him unless you want to deal with him being sulky, grumpy and annoyed for the rest of the day. Literal embodiment of a puppy sometimes, with murderous pent up rage. Growing up, he didn't really have a lot of attention. He always had to shoulder responsibilities and he just needs someone to tell him they're proud of him and show him some affection. Even the slightest touch from you will send his mind into an overdrive and he'll start blushing and become flustered. He likes it when you pet his head and he likes giving you kisses on your head and your hand or nuzzling his cheek against yours. See, he does have his soft moments at times. He might not be able to afford really fancy and expensive stuff given with his mom's eye surgery but he's willing to buy and make small things for you to see you smile. Besides, it's the thought and the actions that counts more than the gifts in his opinion 

Don't escape from him for both of your sakes. If he returns back to find you gone, his dread and paranoia will start to settle in as he realizes his worst fear of losing you is coming true. However he'll compose himself as he's determined to find you no matter what. He'll have Eden track you down by identifying your scent and you can be DAMN sure he'll lead Johan to you. Johan will give you an icy glare as he drags you back home. Scream, kick, cry he doesn't care, he will not put up with your little temper tantrums. He won't hurt you physically but he'll yell at you for leaving him with tears running down his face, angry and hurt that you've betrayed him and he'll start with the guilt tripping of how Zack, his mother, everyone left him and how people like Gun took advantage of him to tug at your heart strings 

It will be quite a long time for him to trust you again. He'll calm down eventually but that doesn't mean you're off the hook either. He'll punish you by taking away your favorite items and FORCE you to cuddle with him every day till he's satisfied. You'll have to deal with him being suspicious and sulky for a while because of your little escape attempt. Every night he'll whisper in your ear about how you'll never be able to leave him. He doesn't feel guilty or bad even in the slightest that he's abducted you, he feels like it was necessary, you're HIS and only his. He's usually gentle and soft spoken towards you too. Under NO circumstances would he let you join God Dog, he doesn't want you fighting and getting hurt

He won't take it lightly when someone tries to take you from him. He'll deal with them quickly sending them to their literal death no matter who it is. He gets quite insecure of his eyes at times but his heart would melt when you comfort him about them which fuels his possessiveness towards you even more. Ultimately at the end of the day he just wants to come back to you, hug you and hold you in his arms and love you. Is that TOO much to ask? 

[thephantomcasebook]

So why are the writers destroying Aemond in S2? Like show us what immediately went down between Aemond and his mother right when he returns from Storm's end, not a few days after, if you want him as a straight up villian, you know. Aldo rumors are he even murders Heleana. That's how bad the writing is. Thoughts?

They fumbled the transition ...

Book!Aemond and Show!Aemond are two different characters.

Book!Aemond is loud, brash, and in your face, with a streak of cruelty and ruthlessness that was needed and fostered as a way to protect his family. Aemond made the hard decisions and took ownership - good or ill.

Show!Aemond in Season 1 was just Daeron in Aemond cosplay. All the attributes of Aemond that made people like him, quiet, brooding, devoted unimpeachably to Alicent, close to Criston. These are all Daeron's characteristics from the book. I think people have this misconception of Daeron - because he is the youngest - of him being light, fun, and innocent. But the book says that he was quiet and cerebral, that he was courteous, but brooded alone with only Alicent - and probably Criston - being the only one who knew his true mind.

Book!Aemond is never going to sit by the fire alone and brood thoughtfully in the shadows of the flames or seek the council of Criston Cole for a private talk. That's 100% Daeron behavior. Book!Aemond is completely unrepentant about anything and everything he does. He takes ownership and flaunts it. The dude is pure unreptant swag.

The problem the show has is that now that Daeron is coming and GRRM insisted that they add Daeron - cause the symmetry would be fucked for the entire story - "The Butterflies" - they had to basically strip Aemond of Daeron's qualities and reset the character to factory settings. The problem is that they both fumbled the realignment and also didn't give him enough time to become the character he became in 2x05-2x08. They fucked around so much with unnecessary plotlines with riots and Mysaria and dragon seeds, that they rushed the transition or gave just enough time to do "Well enough" for the character's story arc.

They also broke Aemond's character to put over Alys and Daemon. In the book, it is extremely clear that a lot of Aemond's odd and psychotic behavior toward the end is being influenced by Alys. Aemond starts going completely off book and out of character once Criston and he take Harrenhal. Aemond abandons Alicent and Helaena, he leaves Criston and Daeron twisting in the wind, he starts burning the Riverlands in a reign of terror that even by the time of "Game of Thrones" they still haven't quite recovered from. All of these things is clearly from Alys's influence through spell craft or just preying on his worst aspects.

Now, Aemond is burning cities because the show is trying to convince us that it was always in his nature, when, if you read "Fire and Blood" a lot of it has to do with whatever Alys is planning. But now, because of this childist "Men are stinky and Women are good" trash their pushing, now Alys is this wise, sage-like, witch, rather than an extremely dangerous and mercenary figure who has her own agenda that is not for the good of the realm, but what is good for Alys Rivers.

The main problem is that the writers woefully misunderstand Aemond as a character and basically reengineered him to fit their bullshit political agenda and message that they want to push. They're trying to set up that 'Yeah, Daemon is bad, but his redemption is that he kills that meanie Aemond, cause Aemond is just pure evil!'

Mark my words, that's the simplistic childish thinking of these hacks.

[physalian]

On Fight Scenes (Or, getting creative with your magic system)

This is coming from a reader’s perspective, not a writer’s, in what I like to see and what my thought process was when writing my fight scenes—I hate these things and can’t call myself any authority on the matter. They’re tedious and translating what’s in my head onto page is always frustrating.

This is also for fantasy and sci-fi: Fight scenes that have some magical or technological element to them, not a straight-up action story with two dudes punching each other. This includes anything from fights in Harry Potter to battling a Xenomorph to bending in ATLA to a throwdown between superheroes.

Side note: I really, truly hate “two dudes punching each other”.

—

I have a friend who loves comics, specifically DC Comics, and watches all the DCAU films. When we lived together, I often watched a lot with them. My favorite remains Constantine: City of Demons because unlike literally every other DCAU movie, it doesn’t drop the ball in the third act and devolve into a stakes-less fistfight. This dude faces *consequences*.

I’m not a comics (like actual, paper comic books) fan, but without fail, every time the setup is good, the characters are good, the first 2/3s are good with pacing and usually a mystery and passable character development like Batman: Under the Red Hood…. The last 15 minutes or so always abandon what had been a good plot for just superheroes punching each other and I get so bored. I’m invested and then they rarely deliver any payoff.

But I do like Constantine. Dude needs a nap.

Point is: On top of those fight scenes not really mattering, by the nature of what comic books are in that they can never stray too far from the status quo, or if they do, it doesn’t stay that way for long, the people who made these characters don’t get all that creative with their powers.

I think, actually, I liked Constantine so much because his stuff is rated R and it doesn’t shy away from the more realistic effects of living in a superhero society… without being gratuitous like The Boys.

I just get bored. The fight stops when the plot says so. Knockouts are arbitrary, power scaling is arbitrary. Someone can get thrown through a wall and walk it off but the villain or their buddy can come up behind them and hit them really hard on the head and that’s enough.

Anime is its own thing and would take far too much time to address here but I do want to talk about My Hero Academia real quick, following up on a previous post about tournament arcs.

Season 2 of the show has three main arcs: The tournament in the first half, and the Stain fight/final exams in the second.

For a while, the show actually seemed to take injuries rather seriously (for shonen, at least), and got insanely creative with characters’ very niche powers. In season 1, their teacher, Aizawa, gets pretty brutally beaten by a horde of villains and his powers are permanently impacted by his recovery—he can’t use them for as long as he used to, and he has a new scar.

Midoriya, too, whose powers break his bones on the regular, has consequences for overusing them, like his hands and forearms not healing properly despite superpowered medical intervention.

Power scaling, too, was fantastic…. Until the Stain fight.

I will never understand the thought process behind this logic:

“Hey let’s show how powerful Todoroki is by having him manifest an entire glacier in about 3 seconds!” *9 episodes later* “Hey let’s make this fight with a dude who only has various blades to work with super tense by making Todoroki completely nerfed in a legit life or death situation!”

Buddy couldn’t take two seconds to yell at his friends to get the fuck out of the way? Was he worried about damage to the buildings? I feel like nepotism could have spared him from some consequences if breaking a few windows meant him not getting murdered. It wasn’t like he had daddy issues over his ice powers.

The rest of the show (until I DNFed) had similar issues. Powers were as competent as the plot allowed at any given moment, which I guess is the nature of shonen, but if you’re going to go out of your way to establish realistic rules and consequences really early on, breaking them willy-nilly because it looks cool later is annoying.

Which is applicable across all fantasy sub-genres: Consistency.

I might not be the best at writing the step-by-step choreography, but damn it if I don’t know how to make sure I’m not opening up plot holes in how much damage my characters take and dish out.

—

So. How I approach fight scenes as told by Eternal Night and my sci-fi WIP.

Before anything else, establish a reason that this has to be a fight, that it has to happen now, and what’s happening beneath the combat to keep the story progressing. The plot will not stop just for fisticuffs.

A magic system is only as cool as what its characters cannot do with it, and breaking those limits ruins the magic system.

Make sure this is a fight that can only happen in this story, taking full advantage of the various powers/abilities/magic system rules, if this is meant to be flashy and grand.

Eternal Night is about vampires, thus my vampires, being immortal, can take a lot of hits and not suffer long-term consequences compared to a mortal. I adhere to a lot of classic vampire lore while also making up my own rules. They don’t have super speed, super strength, or compulsion, they just have a lot of experience and know how to use their weapons well, and can essentially go at 100% without mortal limitations of fatigue.

Basically: My vampires are only as strong as a mortal in absolute life-or-death situations, but that’s also dependent on how strong they were in life. Somebody who was a couch potato isn’t going to be as strong as a bodybuilder, and that carries over. I don’t have “younger/older vampires are supernaturally stronger” rules.

They have the same immortality risks as most versions: Stakes, beheadings, sunlight. Anything else is survivable.

Simple magic systems tend to be the most robust because there’s less rules available to risk breaking or forgetting (why ATLA's bending feels so real).

So when I was writing ENNS’s big fight, on top of making sure they weren’t all gods with their weapons—they missed shots, got tired, made bad calls—priority one was making sure I kept killing blows consistent, and when they’re temporarily “dead,” that the timing of when they revive isn’t determined by the plot.

Meaning: If I have a vampire who, idk, gets stabbed by a regular sword and it “kills” them, they have to stay “dead” for whatever amount of time I’d previously established and not wake them up early to participate in the plot again. Those are my rules and I have to work with them.

And in that way, yes the choreography is frustrating, but even if it’s an average description of a fight, I will appreciate that the writer respects their own rules and still be entertained.

With that, in the sci-fi WIP I had incredibly complex and diverse magic systems, 3 complete and unique practices split between two characters. One of which was incredibly OP.

This was a very reluctant OP character who wouldn’t use the full extent of his powers even to save his own life, often to the ire of his team who suffers the consequences of unnecessarily complicated battles when he could one-shot the enemy but chooses not to.

Internal limits tend to be stronger than external ones if you have an OP character, because they’re more believably toggled on and off without breaking the lore.

Even with OP character stubbornly making life harder for himself, he was still OP. He had two different magic systems at his disposal, and beyond his internal limits, they had two very easily exploitable external limits.

Magic system A was tied to a physical artifact he had on his person. If he got separated from it, he couldn’t use it. A is also a lot harder to use if B is also busted.

Magic system B was counteracted easily by users of Magic system A, and by the enemy military who’d developed weapons specifically to nullify those powers, and that weapon was everywhere.

Which meant my fights concerning OP character were rarely “why doesn’t he insta-kill them” it was “oh shit, he can’t insta-kill them, now he has to be clever to get out of this alive”.

One of my favorite fights was at the tail end of Book 2 where he was stuck with two of his non-powered teammates, on a ship dead in the water being overrun by the enemy. The ship had no power, the radios were dead, and the engines were fried.

He had already been sick for half the book and physically and mentally exhausted, and when the enemy arrived, they nullified the rest of his powers. All he had was Magic System A, but in his condition, it was like being asked to do long division on paper by hand, because his calculator was broken.

Dude was not having a good time.

Which meant he was basically useless, with two of his basically useless teammates, who all had to work together to get creative and clever with the tools that they had, on a ship they all knew like the backs of their hands.

So many things they would not have had to do in any other situation, with stakes so much higher because OP was powerless. The characters came first, not their powers, which I think is the most crucial ingredient to any fight you want people to keep talking about for years to come.

—

I can’t tell you how to choreograph your scenes, but I do think that why they’re fighting matters far more than what they’re fighting about, and especially in fantasy: What’s the point of writing magic if you don’t take full advantage of your magical characters?

[lvrsparadise]

'WHY (NOT)?' - S.T

Synopsis - "There used to be six of us. Now I'm alone."

Warnings! - Mentions of death, blood, (mild) gore, fear, vomit, profanity, italics mean flash back (will write at top who's pov), depictions of murder, sharp objects, angst, crying, yelling, implied Matt x Y/N, might make a pt2 don't know yet.

A/N - You know what's the best part about being creative? THIS ISN'T MY IDEA!! I GOT IT FROM PINTEREST! But like, BANGER. I had sm fun writing this ngl. (I cried, multiple times.)

I look into the eyes of the police officer across from me, exhaling frustratedly.

"I swear! I didn't do it! Something attacked us!"

"And how am I supposed to believe you? There's no footage of it."

I groan out, even more frustrated than before. I lay my head in my palms, which are shaking from what I saw, and frustration.

I hear the cop sigh and his chair scraping against the floor, as he stands and leaves the room.

----

!Y/N POV!

I look out the window at the old and abandoned mansion we're about to head into and unbuckle my seatbelt, looking at everyone else in the van.

"Dude I'm stoked." Chris daps Nate up as they get out of the car and head to the trunk to get our stuff.

I smile softly and shake my head.

"I'm honestly terrified."

"Me too" Me and Madi say in unison to Nick.

I turn my head to Matt, in the driver's seat next to me, and we share a look for a while, just taking each other in, before I step out of the car to help Chris and Nate with the stuff we brought.

"Dude, what if some like creepy old ghost haunts this place and like, possesses one of us?"

"How can you say that with a straight face Nate?"

He shrugs with a small smirk on his mouth as he hands me my backpack.

I roll my eyes and open my bag to make sure I have everything I need.

Flashlight, food, water, clothes, a blanket, my pocketknife, and batteries.

-

Once we're all set with our gear, we all collectively walk into the mansion, splitting up into groups of two.

Chris with Nate. Me with Matt, and Nick with Madi.

We all have cameras to record our own little adventures. We all are in different parts of the hose.

Me and Matt are upstairs, looking at all of the bedrooms, studies, and libraries.

"Woah, look at this painting."

I point my flashlight at the painting above a really gaudy and luxurious bed set, with is dirty and dusty.

It's a painting of a lady in a pencil thin bodice, long dress, and her eyes hollow and sunken. Her skin pale and bruised in several places.

"Holy fuck. That's nightmare fuel." He points our camera at the painting as he speaks.

"I know." I whisper as we continue looking around the room, filming all of it.

-

"So, as I was saying guys-" My foot hits something, and I furrow my brows looking down at whatever it is, my eyes soon widening in fear.

"Matt! MATT!" I yell out for him, running to where I was with him last, thankfully finding him there.

"Woah! Hey! Hey, what's wrong?"

I gulp and shake my head, my eyes filling with tears and my eyes still wide. I feel like I'm going to puke.

I just start walking back to where my foot hit the thing on the ground. I point my flashlight down to it, gagging at the sight of Chris laying on his back, dead.

His eyes, not there, blood coming from his mouth, and many large gashes on his chest.

I feel my breathing pick up, and a hand on my shoulder, ultimately ripping my gaze away from the once fun, and bubbly guy, now laying on the floor dead.

I hear Matt gag and watch as he does a full 180 and holds his hand over his mouth.

----

I cry for what feels like the hundredth time today. Not caring about the cops and investigators on the other side of what I know is a one-sided window.

The sight of seeing everyone I love, and the guy I've been crushing on, dead, all missing their eyes. A horror I'll never forget for as long as I live.

I hear the door open again, and don't bother to look at it. These handcuffs were really starting to hurt.

I hear whoever it was plop down in the chair across from me and drop a file on the table.

I wipe my face the best I can with the cuffs and look up at the person.

It's a different cop or whatever than the many who've came in here.

"I'm not here to interrogate you or overwhelm you with questions, I'm here to help you grasp the severity of this situation and why your co-operation is valuable right now."

"I'm telling the truth! I didn't murder my fucking friends!"

She holds up her hand in a motion telling me to stop, and she opens the file, pulling our multiple photos, and angles of my friends, all dead. Pale, eyes sunken and gouged out.

I gag at the pictures. She points to one of Matt's photos, a picture of him alive and happy next to the horrifying image I'll never forget seeing.

"This is Matthew Sturniolo? Correct?"

I nod and swallow the bile in my throat and clearing it before speaking.

"Y-Yes that's him."

"Okay. And this one?" She points to a photo of Madi, looking barely recognizable. I sob quietly and nod, sniffling.

"That's- That's Madi- uh, Madison Filipowicz."

She points to a photo of a boy in a backwards hat that I recognize as Nate's. I feel more tears fall down my face at the fact he's too unrecognizable on his face that the only reason I knew it was him was by his blood-soaked Boston Red Sox hat.

"Nath- Nathan Doe."

"And this one's Nicolas? Right?"

I nod as she points to a photo of Nick.

"Y-yeah." I blow out a shaky breath.

"So that leaves this one to be Christopher." She gestures to the photo of Chris. I don't even bother to look at it, fearing I might actually puke all over this table, the photos, and the lady's nice tan pantsuit.

----

!CHRIS'S POV!

Me and Nate watch Matt and Y/N walk up the stairs in front of us, but once we reach the top, we split and go opposite directions.

"Dude! Look at this old ass record player." Nate points his flashlight to the record player in the middle of the room.

"It's so fucking dusty."

"Well, no shit. It's probably been here for a hundred years."

"Ha ha. Although, probably has. This place looks like if you breathed wrong it'd fall over."

I drag my finger along the back of the chair, and it was dusty as hell.

-

After a bit of walking around, we make it to a large hall with a long table in the middle and chairs, on every side of the table.

"What're we here for? Dinner." I snicker at Nate's joke and shine the flashlight on it, while using my other hand to point the camera at it as well.

"Damn, hoity toity ass dining table." I mumble. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadow, or like a figure, but I brush it off as the light from the flashlight and mine or Nate's silhouette.

"Look at that dude!" Nate points his flashlight at a painting at the head of the table. A dude in his 40's maybe 50's with chops and a bald head, wearing some goofy ass clown collar.

"Dude looks like his name was fucking, Edward or Baldwin."

"This house has to be at least 200 years old or some shit. Because there's no way this fucker existed a hundred years ago."

I laugh at Nate's words. But I'm cut off by a scream from down the hall. Both me and Nate look at each other and point our flashlights to the staircase we came up, just in case.

"The fuck was that?"

"I don't kno-" Another scream. Sounds like.

"Madi."

"Fuck." I go to run down the stairs, but I'm yanked back by my backpack. Hard.

I hit the ground with a 'umphf' and a groan, having the air knocked out of me.

I cough and hear Nate yelling my name.

"CHRIS! CHRIS WATCH OUT!"

But I feel cold on my chest and look down to it to see at least 5 large gashes across my chest.

"The fuck-?" I mumble and look up to see some whack ass thing, with fingers as long as my fucking arm. And sharp looking. Black eyes, or none at all, I can't tell. And so many fucking large teeth.

My eyes widen in horror at the sight of the thing. It's skin grey and yellow, his body thin and tall, adorned with large bone like wings and spikes in its spine and its knuckles.

I don't even get a chance to let out a full scream when I feel a sharp pain in my eyes, and everything goes black and numb.

----

I rub my wrists as they take the cuffs off me so I can eat what they gave me. Which looks amazing, but I have no appetite.

It's a pork loin, mashed potatoes, green beans, fries, some juices, some fruits like pineapple, apple, strawberry, and some baby carrots and cucumbers.

Like I said, looks delicious, but if I try to eat it, it might comeback up.

The cop leaves the room and I'm left alone with my thoughts again.

I sigh and pick up the plastic fork, scooping up some mashed potatoes and eating a little bit. But they don't taste how they should. They feel like sandpaper against my mouth. Like grit, and I have to force myself to swallow it. I know it's not the food, but me.

I push the tray away and rest my arms on the table, laying my head on them and sobbing, but no tears come out. I've dried them up. I mean can you blame me? I just watched almost every single one of my friends die.

I wish I had told Matt how I felt. Maybe I wouldn't feel like this. Like I'm missing something. Like I could've convinced them not to go. Like I could've helped instead of just watching.

Maybe then all of my friends wouldn't be dead.

It's crazy how much one little decision can cause. Like, deciding to go to that mansion in the first place. If we'd just stayed home or brought professionals maybe, then I wouldn't have watched them die. Watch as their eyes were poked out and watch as their bodies sag to the floor.

I scoot the chair back and puke under the table, unable to hold it down anymore. It's all too much.

After I vomit, I pick up the cup of water from the table and wash my mouth out. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to rid myself of those images.

-

I rub my eyes and watch as, yet another cop enters the room, accompanied by what looks to be either a journalist or a lawyer, they dress the same so I can't tell.

They sit across from me, and the journalist or lawyer lady sets a recorder, a file, and a plastic bag on the table as the cop throws down another file.

"I want you to tell me what happened Ms. L/N. In full detail. Explain what happened to your friends, as well as why you survived." The journalist, I've confirmed, speaks in a demanding tone, but still so monotone, and pushes a lock of her jet-black hair behind her ears.

"You asked for it." I shrug and scoot closer to the table, careful to avoid my pile of vomit on the floor, and rest my arms on the cool metal surface, lacing my hands together.

"So, Matt Nick and Chris are- were YouTubers, and they had a cool video idea that they wanted to do. So, they we set a date, got everything packed, invited a few friends, me included, and we set off to the old Gordon family mansion in Los Angelas. Once we got there, we all split up into groups of two, seeing as there were six of us." I clear my throat and stammer over my words for a second before continuing.

"Uh- Me, Matt, Chris, and Nate went to the second floor to explore while Nick and Madi were on the first floor, looking around there. Nate and Chris went in one direction and Me and Matt went another. We-we, we stumbled upon a series of paintings of a family, looking almost dead, and that's when I-" I take a deep breath before trying to continue. Keyword, trying.

The journalist sighs and places one of her hands on top of mine, in sympathy.

"It's okay, take as much time as you need."

I take another deep breath and continue.

"I was walking when I kic-kicked Chris's body, unknowingly. I yelled for Matt, and I ran back to him to bring him to it. Once we got to his- his body, we both just broke- broke down and soon after I had found him, Nate appears out of nowhere, seemingly hiding. With a horrified face. Just, completely pale and his eyes wide open, like they were stuck like that. And he said he saw what had happened."

"Can you tell us that?" The cop asks, and I nod.

"Ye-yeah." I drag in a shaky breath and le it out slowly.

"Um- there was this- this thing, he said. And it was at least 8 feet tall, and you could see the bones through its gray skin. It had bone like wings, spikes coming from his spine and knuckles, and horns made of bone spiking through its head. He said it had no eyes, or they were just black, and large, spikey teeth. And it had long spikes for fingers, and that he saw as the- the thing poked Chris's- Chris's..." I let out a small sob at the recall of what Nate said, moments before his own untimely death.

"It poked out Chris's eyes with his long fingers and Chris barely got a chance to scream out." I finish and sob into my hand, which is now covering my eyes and shaking again.

"What happened after Nathan told you what happened?" The cop is writing in his little flip-notepad, scribbling things down, most likely the description of whatever it was that killed my friends.

"Uhm- We heard something that sounded like a crying scream and a siren, the next thing we knew, Nate was flying towards me and Matt, he landed on me, pinning my body down as he lays on his back on top of me. The thing he had described seconds before, was now standing over me, gashing at Nate, with screams and wails of agony coming from him. Then, it all went silent, when I opened my eyes, the thing was gone, and I scrambled to my feet, pushing Nate's body off of me, and that's when I see, he's missing his eyes and he's almost unrecognizable." I let out a muffled sob into my hand as I try to hold back the sobs, my throat forming a lump in it, making it hard to speak.

'Then what?" Despite the circumstances, the journalist has a very soft and comforting voice.

"Me- me and Matt ran back downstairs, looking for Nick and Madi. Thankfully, we found them, alive, and we said in a rush and rambled mess that we had to go, something was there, we're all going to die. Something along those lines, and they were like, or Nick was like 'slow down, what's going on?' and so we slowed down and told him what happened. And it was like speaking about that damn thing summoned it, because the next thing I know, it's standing behind Madi..." I blow out a shaky breath and close my eyes for a second, but open them quickly, seeing as the only thing I see when I close them is the horrifying images of my friends dying in front of me.

"And then she's being thrown across the room with 4 to 5 gashes on her chest and then the thing seems to teleport, and looms over her as she screams in pain, fear, and pure agony. Then it's silent again. And Madi's dead." I hang my head in my hands, more tears slipping down my cheeks.

"What happened next?" I sniffle and wipe my face, looking back at the cop and journalist in front of me. Both of their faces intrigued, and full of sadness and sympathy.

"Me, Matt, and Nick start running for our lives to the front door of the house, but we can hear and feel the thundering footsteps of the creature behind us. Making that wailing slash siren sound again. We made it out the door, but the thing catches Nick just as we do. I grab my pocketknife from my backpack, and I throw it at the thing, landing right in between its eyes. And bright, glowing blue blood starts oozing from its eyes, and where my knife is lodged in its skull. I remember the fear I had in that moment. Because that means, I'm about to lose another one of my friends. And Matt is about to watch his own brother die, right in front of him." I choke out a sob and shake my head slowly. Seeing it was enough, but having to tell someone about it? Makes everything so much worse.

"Then same thing with Nick as the others. Except the thing kept Nick standing while it- it- it killed him. And I watched as his body sagged to the floor, landing with a thud and a pool of blood instantly forming around it." I gag reflexively, but I hold it down.

"Me and Matt ran as fast as we could, but it wasn't enough. It was never supposed to go that far! I wasn't supposed to lose Matt! He was the one who was to survive!" I sob and yell out, pointing my finger in the air at no one specifically.

"We- we made it to the car and started to drive off, but the fucking thing crushed the back half of the car!"

----

!Y/N POV!

"Matt! Come on! Drive! GO!"

"I'm driving Y/N!"

The car seems to shrink and then next thing I know, we're doing burnouts from not having the back half of his car anymore. I'm sobbing at this point.

"I don't want to die!"

"You're not going to Y/N... I promise."

"Wh-what?"

He smiles softly at me before he kisses the back of my hand and unbuckles my seatbelt.

"When I get out, I want you to run."

"No- no. I'm not leaving you Matt."

"What am I without Chris? Or Nick? Nate? Madi? It's better this way."

"But Matt..."

He shakes his head firmly and steps out of the car, cueing me to run.

I shrug off my backpack and run out of the passenger seat, booking it, but stopping and turning around to see Matt, and hearing his screams.

My hands fly over my mouth at the sight of Matt getting his eyes poked out. The creature dropping his body to the ground as though it were a doll.

The thing stalks back into the house, leaving me outside.

Once I know the thing is gone, I run to Matt's body and grab his hand, holding it to my face, sobbing.

"No. no, no, no, no, no." I shake my head repeatedly.

----

"Why leave you alive?" The cop furrows his eyebrows as he looks up from his notepad.

"I don't know." I shake my head and sob, almost uncontrollably, but not loudly.

The journalist nods and takes my hands in hers.

"I know what you saw is deeply traumatic, but was there Anything else that happened? Anything that could help us with this?"

"Nothing else happened. I swear." I shake my head and control my sobs, tears still streaming down my face.

--

After a few more hours of waiting in this very uncomfortable chair, a cop, and what looks to be the chief, walk in and I immediately straighten my posture, out of respect.

"Miss L/N, correct?"

"Uh- yes sir."

"We're letting you go, but we will be checking up on you weekly. You're free to go. And stay safe out there."

I nod and stand up from the metal chair, walking over to the chief and shaking his hand.

"Will do."

-

After I've gone through the whole, discharge process, I'm walking out of the glass doors of the police station.

My phone starts ringing from my pocket, and I grab it out and answering it.

"Yeah?"

"Well done. You really know how to hold a story."

"Well, you know how to play dead." I smirk.

"And you did good playing the victim. Make it home safe. See you tonight Y/N."

"See you then Matt."

Tags ! ✮

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If you want to be added to the list, all you have to do is ask !! ✮

I love all of you guys !

And I hope you all have a wonderful day and / or night ✮

[artiststarme]

Van Vandalism

The not-so-long-awaited van vandalism fic based on this snippet! I hope you guys enjoy it and if you have any title ideas, please let me know in the comments!

~*~*~*~

Eddie was having a rough time. While the events of Spring Break were in his rearview, he was still facing the consequences of being branded a freak murderer by the police in a small town. The overzealous Christian townsfolk, now aware of his glaring differences and eccentricities, seemed to make it a goal to make his life as hard as possible. Eddie could hardly leave his trailer without being chased with metaphorical pitchforks. Whether it be by threatening to kick his ass at school or vandalizing his van in the grocery store parking lot, the people of Hawkins were relentless. Eddie didn’t really care about the threats to his own safety or even some minor beatings, he’d gotten used to it through his years of high school. 

However, when the townsfolk started to come after Wayne is when Eddie got concerned. Wayne had lived in Hawkins his entire life and now the people that he grew up with, the people he was friends with, were turning on him because of Eddie. They were spray painting nasty words on the trailer, slashing the tires on the van, and smashing the windows on Wayne’s truck. And Eddie and Wayne? They were losing their patience. They didn’t have the extra money to fix the windows or keep replacing tires. Wayne was pulling doubles at the plant to try to bring in some more money and Eddie was picking up shifts at the garage but they still weren’t bringing in enough to cover for the damages. 

One day after school, Eddie came out of the building to find all four of his tires slashed. He couldn’t even safely walk home either because old Herbert Green and his son had threatened to jump him the day before. So, he stood on the curb staring at his van for three minutes before tears started to drip down his face. 

He didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t hurt anyone. All he’d ever done was try to create a safe space for outsiders, the people that couldn’t feel safe anywhere else, and now he was paying the price. He wasn’t a murderer! He was just a gay metalhead kid who liked nerdy shit and couldn’t focus in school. But in the minds of all the townspeople, everything about him was grounds for a lifetime in prison. 

He was still staring at his van when he felt a hand wrap around his upper arm. Eddie didn’t even think before spinning around with a fist in the air. 

“Woah,” Steve said as he ducked out of the way of the punch. “Jesus Christ, Munson! I can’t get another concussion, do you even know what Robin would do to me?” 

Eddie sighed in response and sagged against his van, Steve’s hand still wrapped around his bicep. “Sorry dude, you scared me. I wasn’t expecting Sir Steve to be back at his abandoned castle. Which quest hast summoned you to return to your former dwelling?”

Steve’s eyes squinted like they always did when he tried to translate Eddie’s language into modern English. God, it was one of Eddie’s favorite things about him. After a moment, the squint left his eyes and his mouth opened in understanding.

“You, man. The kids called and said the basketball team fucked up your tires. Thought you could use a ride,” Steve said and shrugged. He was still wearing the ugly Family Video vest over a gray polo that hugged his shoulders in all of the right places. “Eddie?”

He shook his head to snap out of it. No straight guy wanted their gay, albeit still in the closet, friend checking them out when they’re trying to do them a favor. Or so Eddie would imagine. 

“Um, yeah. Yes please. I do need a ride. This is the third time they’ve pulled this shit and I won’t be able to afford new tires for a good three weeks. Fuck, how am I going to get to work now?”

Steve hummed before lightly smacking Eddie’s shoulder and ignoring his affronted glare. “I know! You can use my car! I mean, you’ll have to drop me off at work before school and pick me up after but other than that, I don’t really go anywhere anyways. You can just take the Beemer to work, school, and wherever else you go.”

Eddie was absolutely dumbfounded. Sure, he and Steve had become good friends after Spring Break but he was going to inconvenience himself by letting him take his car? “Stevie, I can’t take your car. What if you need it? It’s too much-”

“Eddie. Look man, you can use it for however long you need to. If I need it back, I’ll call you for the keys, okay? Just give me rides to work and pick up the kids if they need to go somewhere. The little shits aren’t riding their bikes anymore.” Steve told him and pressed his keys into the palm of Eddie’s hand. “Now, leave the van for now and give me a ride back to the video store, I still have 6 hours left on my shift and if I’m not back by the end of my break, Keith is going to lose his shit.”

Eddie just smiled and shook his head. He still couldn’t believe that Steve “The Hair” Harrington was actually a good dude. He’d dragged his sorry ass out of hell, lied to the cops to be his alibi, and now was loaning him his car just to make Eddie’s life easier. How’d he get so lucky as to have Steve in his life? Now if only he could get him to switch from the Tears for Fears moaning from the speakers to Metallica. 

When they pulled up to Family Video, Eddie made a move to get out but Steve just grabbed his arm with a, “hey, wait. Where are you going? Your shift at the garage starts in 20 minutes.”

“Yeah so I have to go. If I start running now, I can make it before my lungs give out and kill me.” Eddie said, shaking him off.

“Dude. I was serious about you taking my car, I wasn’t just going to have you go out of your way to drive me to work in my own car. Take it and be back to pick me up at 11:30, okay? Have a good shift,” Steve murmured, patting Eddie’s hand and running into the store. 

And then Eddie was left in the car alone, utterly bewildered and still reeling at Steve’s generosity. But he did have to go to work so off he went. Driving in the Beemer was a lot different than driving in the van. Firstly, there were no weird banging sounds coming from underneath the hood or any screeching noises of the brakes. The ride was silent aside from the horrendous pop music squealing from the radio station Steve had left on low. Next, the ride went smoother. Eddie didn’t have any jocks tailgating him or blonde-haired mothers glaring at him from the curb. He did receive a couple of double takes when other drivers realized it wasn’t Steve Harrington driving his signature Beemer but Eddie enjoyed the looks of shocked befuddlement. Huh, maybe Steve was onto something.  

(What Eddie didn’t know is that everyone that took a double-take wasn’t wondering why Eddie Munson was driving his car but instead, when had Steve gotten back together with Nancy Wheeler?)

When Eddie finished his shift at the garage though and made his way to pick up Steve from work, goddamn Officer Callahan pulled him over. He hated this fucking guy. He especially hated how cocky he looked as he strolled up to the driver’s side window and leaned against it. 

Eddie could only glare at him completely unimpressed as he asked, “can I help you, Officer?”

“Why, as a matter of fact, I think you can! You see, all day we’ve been getting calls of a curly-haired imposter joy-riding around in Steve Harrington’s BMW. Can you explain that?” Officer Callahan was smirking as he explained himself, obviously finding joy in interrupting Eddie’s peaceful night. 

“I’m not joyriding, I went to work and now I’m picking him up from work. Steve lent me his car because someone slashed my tires for the third time this month. You’d know about that though, right? You know, considering I’ve tried to file a report each time. You ever going to do anything about that by the way?” Eddie rebutted. 

“You expect me to believe that Steve Harrington let you, Eddie Munson, borrow his car? How much grass have you smoked?” 

Eddie just sighed in frustration. “Look Callahan, I’ve tried to be nice but you’re pissing me off. Here I am, a law-abiding citizen, and you’re just accusing me of these heinous crimes? Grand theft auto, drug use, what’s next… murder? Oh wait! We’ve been there and I was found innocent of that too! Let me leave or next time I see the Chief, I’m going to tell him that his least favorite deputy was harassing me. Do you want Hopper mad at you? Is that what you need in your life?”

“What… um no. You don’t have to do that. Just, just get where you’re going and make sure Harrington gives us a call at the station about his car. Um, have a good uh night,” Officer Callahan said while awkwardly ambling back to his car. 

Then, Eddie was off again. This time with heavy metal blasting through the Beemer speakers and through the open windows into the wind. He was going to pick up Stevie and treat him to a night full of movies, weed, and junk food like he deserved.

@doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @trippypancakes @straight4joekeery

(@anzelsilver you're the only person who reblogged the snippet so here's a tag to the whole fic!)

[majorasnightmare]

I’m gonna neeeedddd uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a number 2, a number 9, a number 22, with a side order of 25

*dirge customer service voice* will that be all for you today? :) your total is going to be 42.96

2. What would break your OC beyond repair? Has it happened?

any mindbreak slash ego death scenario, which most of the Embrace endings qualify for. giving up all possibility of ever breaking free from Bhaal and having his personality subsumed into the Urge would ruin him. Anything resembling the person who formerly went by "Dirge" would get passed through the Urge funhouse mirror to come out distorted on the other end as his old bhaalist mindset snaps back into place, this time more permanently, and without the dissomance he used to experience. No suffering, no doubt, no Dirge, just Murder Incarnate. The "lose to Orin" endings would also thoroughly break him, because he wouldn't kill himself on the promise that he wouldn't abandon Minthara, in the vain hope something could be done to save him from the affliction. In that go around he'd end up locked in her basement eating her political enemies that she disposes of down there to keep the Urge satiated enough to stop a serious attempt at breaking out. If they ever managed to pull Bhaal's essence out of him after that, he'd be a shell of a person, more or less permanently housebound because of how much of his soul he just had ripped out, and that coupled with a less than healthy lifestyle of Exclusively Cannibalism would exacerbate his disabilities. In that hypothetical specifically, he wouldn't get better (and WOULD eventually die of a shortened mortal lifespan), but it'd be a life he was happy to live, however short and difficult it was, with Minthara. especially since it comes on the heels of a living unlife of madness and incoherence.

Some other AU hypotheticals come CLOSE, like one where the absolute pulls out a final Ace up her sleeve and snags Dirge out of prism range, but he WOULD technically get better. after a while. and after a LOT of damage was done

The only thing that could possibly meet the definition of "pre existing Break Beyond Repair" would be Orin's lobotomy resulting in Dirge's amnesia and soft personality reset, which more or less symbolically killed the person dirge used to be beyond any possibility of resurrection. and honestly, bhaalist!dirge was more than happy to go.

9. What is the greatest sacrifice your OC could ever make? Under what circumstance would they make it?

Dirge is a deeply selfish person, and simultaneously incredibly pragmatic. He regularly trades his flesh as tokens for prizes he deems more worthy, letting Volo jab his eye out because his patron alerts him to the presence of the prosthetic one that Volo would be unlikely to trade away on a whim except out of guilt. Not only does he avoid martyrdom as a rule, he also makes a point of making OTHERS avoid martyrdom, partially because he thinks living is worth it, but not insignificantly because HE wants them around. He is, generally, opposed to sacrifice on what amounts to the closest thing to moral grounds a bhaalspawn like him CAN have. He never picks fights he thinks he can lose, he never gives up what he finds value in keeping, anything he surrenders he makes sure he gets back in equal or greater value, because this dudes just straight up a bargain hunting deal making pact negotiating warlock, through and through. a GOOD warlock, a skilled one, does not sacrifice, as a rule. that wyll is prone to sacrificing himself and also so miserable in his pact is no coincidence in dirges mind

With all that being said. He'd do it for Minthara. He doesnt WANT to, mind you, because what he WANTS is to spend the rest of their lives together (ideally forever once he finds a way to get immortality where the consequences are worth it), but he'll give up anything, everything, for her wellbeing if push comes to shove. When the Sword of Damocles falls and hes there in the temple holding Orin's corpse, when Bhaal comes to him and demands he take up the mantle of chosen again or he'll kill Dirge, when Minthara is begging him to agree and theyll find a way out afterwards together, Dirge knows that letting Bhaal have such a strong presence in his soul, to take on the form of Slayer, to claim the Absolute in Bhaal's name, would be to reduce Minthara to nothing better than an agreeable broodmare in Bhaal's eyes, that Dirge would be driven to sire spawn regardless if he wants to or not, that those spawn would in turn be driven to killing their mother, and that even if he resisted, the only other option would be to kill her, to deprive her of her dream of ruling side by side. It would be another link in the long chain of abuse, set in motion long ago by a man who wanted to become divine, no matter what it cost him, and the idea of subjecting Minthara to hypothetical years of debasement, servitude, abuse, and suffering repulses Dirge to his very core. in that moment he weighs his death and the suffering itd cause against that far flung future, and the choice is overwhelmingly clear. Its that moment that makes him realize more than anything else that he WANTS to live, and thats why he has to choose to die, sacrifice everything he wanted with her, sacrifice everything he wanted FOR her, sacrifice every last second he was going to spend at her side, because her life is worth more to him than that. even as he bleeds out he never doubts for a single moment that theyre going to face the Absolute and come out victorious. and even as he hates the position hes in, hed make the same choice there, every single time

22. What is your OC the most guilty about?

Not being more involved in Orin's life. Being the first domino that resulted in Minthara's torture at Moonrise. Killing his parents. Killing Alfira. Constrained by circumstance, swept up by the inertia of passing time, things spiral away from his control and he cant stop it or fix it. Couldn't manage to break out of his role enough to keep from swallowing Orin in his shadow, didn't know Minthara yet and thus couldn't love her enough to spare her before she ever left the Underdark, trapped and feral and useless screaming madly on Kressa's work table while in the same prison Orin forces a tadpole into Minthara, waking up in the dead of night with no awareness or control covered in the gore of someone he couldn't stop himself from killing.

Living through all of it when the people who gave him the second life he lives (that he didn't earn, that he doesn't deserve) both end up crushed under his boot.

25. What does your OC love most, and what would they do to keep it?

Dirge, ironically enough for a death cult nihilist, is a real loverboy. Beneath every horror and every atrocity and every sacrilege and blasphemy, is love. He loved Bhaal as his Father, and wanted to be a good dutiful son. He loved Orin, and wanted to keep her from being broken by expectation. He loved Gortash, enough that it started to untwist the suicidal desire for slaughter that he had carried for most of his life, loved him enough to think about wanting to live. He loves his friends, Astarion and Gale and Lae'zel and Wyll and Shadowheart and Karlach, loves Jaheira and Minsc, loves Isobel and Aylin. He loves Minthara, loved her at first sight, loves her just as an intrinsic facet of his soul. When Dirge loves, it is deep and sincere and genuine and thorough, the scales of his affection balanced against the vast disdain and apathy for the world by the sheer world-cracking love he feels for this small handful of people. Power and wealth and material goods can be obtained as often as needed, but these people? It is only here, and it is only now.

To keep them? To have them and to hold them and to be around them? He would do anything. But honestly whats more insightful is what he doesn't do. Killing is cheap for Dirge. The inflicting of pain, the enactment of atrocities, plumbing new depths of suffering. Rote and habitual. That he would storm all nine Hells and spear Zariel's head on a pike is a given. No, what matters is that to keep those he loves, he will stay his hand.

He doesn't kill Ulder Ravenguard. Wyll wants his father to live, so it doesn't matter to Dirge that he hates the man for his treatment of Wyll, hates that all the affection and tenderness didn't spare Wyll from seven years of exile, hates that even now he doesn't feel Ulder gives Wyll his due. For this he'd happily flay the man alive until the screams rang out a perfect melody in his ears. But Wyll wants Ulder alive. Wants his father back, wants to have him and to talk to him. So Dirge stays his hand, goes out of his way to break Wyll's pact but rescue Ulder anyways. Wyll asks for so little, that Dirge will always give him what he wants.

He doesn't tell Jaheira to keep the ritual that would allow her to extend her life, to live and guide and fight as long as shes needed. Jaheira has lovers, family, friends, all dearly missed, and more than that she is running herself ragged fighting the good fight. It doesn't matter if Dirge thinks the Harpers are fools, if Dirge personally wants Jaheira to live so he can stay with her, what matters is Jaheira needs to rest. Needs to see the people she's left behind, needs to see Khalid again one day. Regardless of what he wants, Dirge wouldn't put her through that

To keep what he loves, Dirge will force himself to stillness for their sakes

[northlight14]

Fixing Larry Butz’s character development

‼️spoilers for Phoenix Wright trilogy ahead‼️

I’m aware that what I’m about to say probably isn’t anything new in the ace attorney fandom but I wanted to give my thoughts on all this anyway. I know both myself and a lot of the people in the fandom fucking hate how Larry was characterised in the 3rd game. I got told by a friend before hand that they completely ruined his character but admittedly I still held out a bit of hope, only to be majorly disappointed. As much as I adore the 3rd game, it does honestly feel like they forgot about everything that made Larry likeable in the first game. So this is basically gonna be me talking about how I personally would have developed his character.

First things first, they should’ve kept his personality and bonds with the other characters the same. While he’s similar and I’m more than happy with Phoenix getting annoyed with Larry, in the 3rd game Larry’s likeable traits are all completely abandoned and what’s left is just a womanising idiot and it feels like Phoenix straight up hates him. Larry can be a bit of an idiot who pursues relationships with women that don’t work out, I’ve got no problem with that as long as he isn’t creepy about it. But let’s not forget this dude interrupted an entire murder trial just to defend his friend he hadn’t talked to in literal years! Larry is loyal as fuck and in the first game Phoenix notes that while he always seems to get into trouble, it’s hardly ever his fault and he just has bad luck. If he was gonna be shown in the third game that should’ve been shown more. I guess it kind of is in some instances but never properly and it’s really disappointing.

Secondly, have him either make an appearance or at least be mentioned in the second game. This pissed me off so much Larry wasn’t so much as mentioned in this game. We obviously talk about Phoenix’s mourning period after “Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death” but what about Larry? He was childhood friends with Miles too who lost touch and just got him back only to lose him again! Miles, who in school, despite them having their differences, never told anyone about how he suspected Larry of actually stealing his money. That might not sound like a big thing but Larry even notes that if Phoenix hadn’t been the one being accused, he would’ve been. Chances are Larry was accused of stuff all the time as a kid. Considering that, Miles was probably the first person in a long time who didn’t want to get him in trouble. Continuing with this, Phoenix would be the only person Larry knows how knew Miles like he did and would truly know what he’s going through since they both lost that same childhood friend after just getting him back. Phoenix, the only person who’d understand, who spends that entire time refusing to speak about it, to the point he tells Maya to not even say his name. Literally all I want is either a few scenes of Larry trying to talk to Phoenix about it, only for Phoenix to shut him down instantly and then later Larry either also getting mad at Miles on Phoenix’s behalf or trying to calm Phoenix down about his return, and then also getting to see Miles again after he’s back from the dead and them having their reunion. Or, if there truly wasn’t time for any added scenes, just have it be mentioned in passing when Maya tries to talk about it and Phoenix just tells her “I’ve already told Larry and the others to not even say his name”. Just something small like that to show that Larry is also mourning the loss of his childhood friend adds just another layer to his character that I think he deserves and makes the whole thing more interesting in my opinion.

Finally, actually address his issues and insecurities instead of just making it a joke🙄 I feel like they tried to do this somewhat in the third game but honestly it just fell really flat for me. This isn’t me saying that Larry suddenly has to be this really tragic character because I definitely don’t want that. In a series filled with dead loved ones, murder and trauma, I really like that Larry can offer a form of comic relief. But if they’re going to repeatedly acknowledge the fact that he’s super insecure in the third game, at least go into why rather than just saying it🤦. Since first school Larry has been blamed for things to the point that his school had a fucking saying for it. It’s no wonder he feels inadequate in comparison to the other characters and it wouldn’t surprise me if him persuing these relationships with women is a way for him to achieve a form of validation that he was deprived of as a kid. Now obviously the game doesn’t have to go that deep into it and can leave things open to interpretation but I think Larry would have benefited from having a moment of seriousness during one of the cases after he messed up, genuinely asking Phoenix “how can I help? I know I keep messing things up. I have all my life and I want to make it right.” Just a moment of genuine friendship and reassurance between the two of them so it doesn’t seem like Phoenix hates Larry’s very being (seriously they’re supposed to be childhood best friends and they’ve stayed friends all this time but the third game has me asking why that’s the case)

Those are just my thoughts tho and I’m down to hear other’s opinions!

[doctorstrangereview]

0109: Marvel Premiere #12

Cover Date: November 1973 On-Sale Date: August 21, 1973

We'll take a little interlude before delving into the final chapters of the Avengers/Defenders war. After all Doc has his own solo career to deal with. He was just promoted to Sorcerer Supreme and after telling Hamir to shut down the Ancient One's old pad (after he's done looting it for all those cool mystical treasures, of course) he's gone out to the Mexican Desert to complete his navel and the navels of all humanity. Let's see how the first day on the new job goes.

Clea and Wong have rented a jeep to drive out into the middle of the Mexican desert to find Doc. He's floating around and giving us a very nice splash image.

Doc attempts to explain what's been going to his compatriots.

I guess it was too difficult to describe the Ancient One's change of state to one with the universe. Trying apparently triggers a chance for Frank to draw a wordless summary of the Shuma Gorath arc.

Doc then gets all philosophical about one of the local lizard inhabitants.

Doc then decides it's time for them all to go home and he magically teleports them all back to the Sanctum. Wong reminds Doc that he really needs to clean up his messes. In this instance he means the cool Jeep that was left in the middle of nowhere. Doc zaps it back to the rental company which surprises the agency's owner just a bit.

Next we discover that Doc robbed the world economy of shipping charges by magically transporting the Ancient One's loot to the Sanctum.

Doc then offers Clea to be his disciple. As they are also boyfriend and girlfriend, this is a dangerous thing that will rear it's ugly head many times of the next decade or so. Clea accepts and Doc then tells Wong that he's off again. He's gotta let Baron Mordo know that he's now the head magician in charge. This oughtta go well.

Doc flies to Transylvania. Yes, in the future we will learn that Castle Mordo and Castle Dracula aren't all that far apart. Doc disguises himself in fashionable out of date attire. The village looks like something out of a Hammer Films production and even has a neat stagecoach.

Doc asks a local about the location of Mordo's castle and the reaction is typical of what you'd expect from decades of gothic horror movies. The old dude attacks Doc. He's rescued by a magical spell that freezes the impulsive old man and someone dressed like a stereotypical Romani offers to take him to safely. Safety is a Romani camp that looks straight out of The Wolfman.

The camp's inhabitants are way too welcoming and offer some "entertainment" before Doc goes on to meet with Mordo. This "entertainment" is like a bad drug trip that puts Doc in Lilia's power; Lilia being the camp's seductively dressed "entertainer."

Lilia commands the entranced Doc to reveal himself and then reveals their history with the Baron. Mordo seduced Lilia for the purpose of stealing the Book of Cagliostro. Once he has it he abandons her leaving her sad. Lilia now want's revenge on the Baron and Doc seems to be the perfect instrument to accomplish this.

Doc and Lilia go to Mordo's castle which he levitates to keep anyone from getting to him.

The pair get to the book which seems to be guarded only by a glowing bubble. Doc attempts to grab the book, but his hand passes right through it. This triggers a greater menace. A green beast that calls itself the Living Gargoyle appears and makes not nice remarks to the pair.

Doc attempts to fight the green skinned lizard, but is having trouble under Lilia's influence. She frees Doc from her spell just as the gargoyle turns it's deadly beams on Lilia, killing her. An angry Doc then casts a spell that kills (murders?) the gargoyle. It's not clear of the gargoyle is a truly independent sentient being or a conjuration. If the former than the sorcerer who was earlier expounding how important the life of a simple lizard was and what an awesome responsibility it was to just hold it in his hands has just committed murder (again.)

Doc then turns to the book that inspired all this nastiness. It's also protected by some time chicanery and exists a short time in the past. Doc manages to retrieve and study it. The book contains a secret on how to alter the past without accidently wiping yourself from existence. "This is dangerous in Mordo's hands. I will follow him," thinks Doc. Doc fades into the past. More time travel shenanigans next issue!

So this is a fun romp. Doc returns from his mission to defeat Shuma Gorath with new powers and new feels. The philosophical concepts presented are actually rather interesting. The story itself is a bit thin with flashbacks and several pages of wordless art attempting to stretch things out a bit. On the plus side it's rather fantastic art!

Lilia so easily entrancing Doc is a not really believable. He's experienced enough not to fall for these plot devices and there's no indication he allowed it to happen in order to most easily advance his mission. Despite this minor plot hole the story flows well and doesn't lag. It's a good introduction to Doc's final arc in his Marvel Premiere run and in just a few months he'll have his own solo title again!

[tobiasdrake]

At long last, it's time. The siege has begun.

I'm going to bring this place crashing into the ocean. While on fire.

I hope you got everything out of your miserable unlife that you wanted, Aephorul. Because I remember exactly how I felt that day, and the blood hasn't left my eyes since.

Alright, team. This is it. You know what this is and you know what we're here to do. By the end of today, I want to be holding Aephorul's heart or the nearest desiccated organ left in his rotting skeleton of a body in my bare hand.

Erlina will be waiting for us in there. We're going straight through her and not even looking back.

Let's paint the sky red.

I shouldn't be surprised that Aephorul's idea of a locking mechanism is disgusting. I am, however, impressed with his commitment to the bit. Dude loves his fleshy shit.

Um. Hi? I don't think we've met. Yes, we are here to either liberate or butcher you. Please specify which of the two you would like to order.

One order of butchering coming right up.

*sigh*

You know, I'm starting to develop a love/hate relationship with alchemy. I love it when it's on our side and hate it when it's on theirs.

We don't have time for this.

Goodbye, some dude I've never heard of whose name is probably a Monkey Island reference.

...well. Fuck.

Sure would be nice if there was an alchemist in our midst who didn't abandon me like everyone else and could instead mix up more of that anti-psychic juice. But I guess we'll have to deal.

As tempting as your illusory robot flirtations are, I am currently fueled by far too much homicidal zeal to sleep. The adrenaline coursing through my veins won't let me.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN HERE YOU BASTARD. Shut the fuck up.

...why....

...would that ever be a thing that is happening to me....

What could possibly have occurred in my journey that would result in this taking place? That last one was pretty decent, 7/10, but this is a solid 2. You need to up your psychedelic game, Aephorul because this acid trip just got a lot less convincing.

See? Like that. You dream-vision me into the Humble Boast and send me into the kitchen to see the chef, I expect to see fucking Garl at the cookpot. That would be a potent vision. I might even be inclined to forget how obviously fake it is because I just want to see him again so badly.

Instead, you give me a mole man. Great. Because that's something that's going to win me over and make me want to forget why I came here.

This is the shittiest predatory illusion I've ever been under the influence of. Hall of Illusions, I demand to speak with your manager.

THERE YOU ARE. You better listen the fuck up and listen good because I've got about a dozen--

Hey, wait a second. Serai, isn't this that other guy you wanted us to murder? I guess he transferred departments after finishing up with Repine, and now he has a new job. That he fucking sucks at.

You should believe her. We're kind of on a streak in the blood vengeance department.

By the way, body covered in eyes? Not a great choice. You've riddled yourself with vulnerable spots. You're basically giving her a whole mess of options for what to stab.

Yeah, just like that. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

That one looks like it hurt. I didn't think a face consisting solely of a gigantic eye wouldn't be capable of pulling off the "OH GOD MY TESTES" face but there it is.

He's trying so hard to save face and not look like he's fleeing for his life while whimpering because he just got stabbed in the junk.

Oh, you've got fanboys with glowsticks now. Yep, that'll do it. Sure to keep you safe. You've definitely--

Oh no, your useless trash goblins all died unexpectedly. It is a mystery.

By the way, you probably shouldn't have kept your eyes on me because--

AGAIN! I KNOW! Man, she's really got it out for you.

This is the most fun I've ever had filing a complaint.

The "I'm going to go get my big brother to beat you up" energy going on right now is amazing. Delivered in the smuggest possible tone.

The new bodyguards are nice, they look tougher than the last, but they don't exactly protect you from....

...that. They don't exactly protect you from that.

You gonna suck it up and take your-- and he's running again.

This wasn't quite what I was expecting when I stormed in here to commit a murder but honestly, I'm so glad I was here for this.

[trashcapableofsentience]

okay I can't keep making separate posts about my reactions to this show so

The unsynchronised superhero walk down the corridor to O&D made me chuckle

So did Mark and Burt straight up defecting from the church while still holding Kier as God, Martin Luther is turning in his grave

still haven't learned Mrs selvig's 'innie' name but she has a good singing voice that was a shock to hear

I don't think the break room is going to work this time chief

THE SOLIDARITY OF MARK AND MISS WHATEVER IT'S GREAT

ngl I've skipped over the dates with the midwife because second hand embarrassment but now they're cute?? wtf

also dude don't bring up your ex wife 😭 tbf she started it bringing up kids

THEY'RE ACTUALLY SO CUTE TOGETHER WTF JOKING ABOUT SEVERANCE I LOVE IT

the tense music stopping the moment ricken comes in I bet he never lets anything finish

what the fuck how is Mrs selvig getting this job. WHY is she getting this job. how the fuck does this help lumon. also how does she know what the score is doing

'holy shit is this my house??' Dylan my beloved... ALSO HE HAS A KID!! waaaaa I hope his outtie loves the kid with all his heart

Mark stop involving Alexa in your corporate espionage it may be a cute date idea but I think she deserves better than whatever lumon has in store for her

'no filming you fuck' this better be for not wanting police/lumon to know rather than copyright reasons

LET MARK SAY FUCK YOU LUMON 2K24

and he GETS TO FUCK YEAH

Aw they kissed :) I'm glad outtie Mark is forming some connections

Doug x Harmony hate fucking will happen I prommy

huh they slept together. hope he let her finish unlike ricken

I'm glad Mrs selvig didn't get the phone out the bin like I thought she would

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE ISOMETRIC SHOTS first there was the senator and his wife now it's Mark on the phone why are we mimicking the opening sequence... or was the opening sequence mimicking it?? I don't think so I know that guy he has a lot of isometric stuff in his work

'who is this?' 'uh...' mimicking the handbook, standard response = unknown

'can you meet me now' this is why you don't mix relationships with corporate espionage mark. now Alexa is going to wake up and think you abandoned her in your own house mark. do you want that on your conscience mark

why don't they just fire the mdr employees and get new ones? it would be easier than this secret villain lair door atp

moving swiftly on to ep 7

Why does the school look like it's from the set of 1984?

Is this the chick - WAIT I REMEMBER HER HER MAKEUP WAS SO GOOD IN HELLY'S SURGERY anyway is this the chick harmony and doug are after?

'you brought him into this world without his permission' damn if that isn't every emo kid arguing with their parents

DOUG WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU NASTY ROACH

brutal pipe murder more women should get to murder people mark shut the fuck up and help hide the body

the blood covered card 'now get the fuck out of here' woo I love women

Boy Mark's Petey related PTSD will NOT get better will it that boy's gonna be closing his eyes and seeing The Horrors

Alexa's still in his bed right??

'where were you' Mark don't you dare gaslight her she deserves better than you

'are you okay?' aw Alexa <3 'do you want me to go?' she's so understanding and sweet and ughhhh but also I'm slightly worried there may be a 'woman can fix man' thing happening here

huh he cleaned the business card of blood

Don't dispose of your bloody clothes in the bin mark that's how people get caught

Milchick up at 5am dang does this guy get compensated correctly I sure as fuck hope so this guy may be evil but even evil henchmen deserve dental

Wait is Burt G up at 5am too? Also poor guy went to the break room

'can you tell me his name' DYLAN BABY :( also Zach cherry is such a good actor I loved him in Fallout as well

love how we the audience never get to know the way from the lift to mdr

milchick is so fine idc who reads this

The way Mrs Selvig just slammed that doll on the table 😂

Mrs Selvig... are you feeling compassion??

so mark got depressed and couldn't work... sounds familiar

Dylan stop being homophobic let the old man yaoi yearn

why is milchick wearing something different he's so fineee

Oh Dylan... it's not the same now you know life means something outside...

PLEASEEEEE can we get mark and helly dancing together pleasepleasepleaseplease

why am I attracted to milchick so much. his lil boogie intrigues me to such a degree

why are the disco lights the alarm lights

Dylan literally that picture 'they don't know I have a son'

Milchick so fineeeee wtf and I know irv sees it because he quickly looked the other way

okay nvm I'm scared of this man dancing next to Dylan Dylan darling smack him right now you deserve it FUCK YES HE DID IT

he bit him?? Dang dude metal... weird but understandable

oh no not the music dance experience. anything but the music dance experience.

'he was so happy to see me' I KNOW no one has been that happy to see him

time for ANOTHER. BADASS. HERO. WALK.

Irving really chose love over freedom dang

no one's in the panopticon. dang maybe this is a lesson we should apply to our everyday life or something

irving brushing his moustache to go see his beau. that's it. that's the note.

harmony can be so terrifying if she wants to be. no notes.

o&d having a melon party... Burt got fired didn't he

Oh this is how Irv has to learn 😔

Irv falling in love with everything about Burt... including his outtie... 'I just like you very much'

'Are we being punished?' 'You smug motherfucker' I love Irv go crazy go wild fight the man GET YOUR MAN

THE HANDSHAKE... just make out already it'll be worth it prommy

'Let's burn this place to the ground' IRVING YOU STAR YOU LOVESICK FOOL

mark binge drinking oh darling :(

'I think you're a mess right now' yeah he's drunk and just wants sex good on you Alexa for leaving

If I had a nickel for Zach Cherry being in a show that features oldies-style tunes semi prominently I'd have two nickels

It's about grief and recovering and mental health and loving and the love not having anywhere to go

WHAT THE FUCKKKK GEMMA IS MENTAL HEALTH LADY?? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

But she she DIED what the FUCK

right it's 1am and I promised I wouldn't stay up too late goodnight but WHAT TBE FHCK

[messinwitheddie]

Dipper “Could everyone please lay off the murder jokes, especially YOU, grunkle Stan! There's dark humor and then there's just being obnoxious and cruel.”

Stan “Far be it from me to lighten the mood.”

Dipper “If any of us were cracking Holocaust jokes, would you be laughing?”

Stan “No, I suppose not.”

Dipper “There you go. I understand Nny doesn't give a shit about his victims. It's his house, it's his life story to tell, it's his prerogative, I get it, but the rest of us really should have the decency to show some goddamn respect for the dead and their families. Everyone stop cracking jokes and stop laughing.”

Squee “He has a point, guys.”

Soos “I… I was just trying to engage in conversation.”

Dib “Why are you being so uptight right now? You knew whose spirit we were trying to contact.”

Dipper “Because we're supposed to be documenting a real and indisputable ghost sighting! Professionalism counts here!”

Dib “Fuck you, man! I'm the most professional investigator here!”

Dipper “Fuck YOU! You're not more “professional”! You just have way more money to throw around!”

Dib “You've been a bitch this whole trip; what is your malfunction?!”

Dipper “You and your trust fund baby big golden dickitry!”

Squee “Alright! Turn off the cameras! Shut off all the gadgets! Everyone separate and take 15!”

Dib “Sure! We only have so many hours to interact with their corporeal forms, but sure! Let's take a 15! Real fucking professional!”

Dipper “Dude, shut up!”

Dib “YOU shut up!”

*Door slams*

Squee “Hey, Soos, Mr. Pines, you want to…?”

Stan “Yeah, yeah, We’ll set the boys straight. Be right back.”

*Dialogue for a later date*

Squee “Don't mind them. Dib and Dipper collaborating on the same investigation is kind of like locking two honey badgers in a box. They'll probably fight to the death and the box will be destroyed in the process. You should have seen them when they were deconstructing this alien's abandoned base or when-”

Nny “All of your new family and friends think I'm a scumbag.”

Squee “Noooo, they don't.”

Nny “They HATE me. Everyone here hates me. Boss-er- Stan definitely hates me and I don't blame any of them.”

Squee “You're fine, man.”

Nny “Please don't make me do this.”

Squee “Like Dipper said, they're here to try to record some concrete evidence of ghosts. They're not here to judge anybody. Everyone is coming back soon and we're all gonna be cool and get through this interview. Keep being you, but maybe be... slightly less so.”

Nny “I'm going to hide in the floorboards until everyone leaves or I die and get flung back into the ethereal horrors a.gain”

Squee “There’s way too many bodies stuffed under there for you to fit too and you know it.”

Nny “Awww…shit!”

Some bs wrm up sketches for today drawn to some unused dialogue. Kind of wish I had written down some of the murder jokes that popped into my head the other night at work, but this post is long enough and I have to move on.

I love the idea of Dib and Dipper being good friends, but I also picture them clashing pretty hard when teaming up on paranormal research.

[femmmie]

Let's go outside

"This needs to stop, Anthony... we are killers."

"We are finally what we are supposed to be, Ian. Together."

Ian was feeling Emotions.

He'd had a bad dream. One where Anthony killed everyone at Smosh and turned him into a vampire. But upon opening his eyes squinting against the blinding light of his bedroom lamp - too bright! - he heard his best friend say: "You're a vampire now, Ian, time to drink some more of my blood."

"What the FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Ian grabbed his head in agony.

"Dude, I know I know it's weird at first, but just do it. It will feel great!"

"Murderer..."

"Ian please we can get through this but you have to work with me. Drink my blood, here!"

Anthony bit into his own arm like it was a Kentucky Fried Chicken wing and black blood oozed out. The sight was disgusting, however, the smell... Faster than he'd ever moved, Ian went up to the bloody arm and drank. It felt better than he'd ever dared to dream. Anthony's strong arm, and vicinity helped a bit too, although Ian didn't allow himself to think of the unspeakable acts Anthony had committed. But they poured over in his mind, and he broke the sip.

"Fuck, Anthony what is this, I'm going insane..."

"No Ian, you're not going insane, you're fine! you're fine.."

Ian collapsed again, right into Anthony's arms. Anthony led him to his couch. His house looked nothing like it had before. It looked abandoned, like it was nobody's home. 

"I don't like it here," Ian said, eyes close, clinging to Anthony's bloody shirt. 

"Let's go outside then," Anthony said softly. 

They went onto Anthony's balcony. 

"Remember what I said about this balcony," Anthony said, forcing Ian to lock eyes with him. 

"Yeah, I remember everything about my entire life in way too much detail," Ian replied. But he knew what Anthony meant. 

"Ian, do you feel the same?" "I hate you. But yes, I love you too."

Anthony let out a sigh. A red tear formed in his eye. He ruffled Ian's hair and then grabbed hold of his head and planted a kiss on Ian's lips. It tasted divine, a sensation Ian had never felt with anyone, male or female. And he tasted something... something delicious. Anthony read him like a book. 

"I know you're not over the whole killing thing," he said and Ian pushed him away angrily. The emotions would be his undoing. "But you need to learn fast because you're going to get hangry and that's going to be a problem." 

"Okay fucking Edward, show me how to kill something."

"Someone." "Can't we eat animals?"

"No."

"Is there a way to kill me then, because I'm not killing."

"Ian! You wanted this, remember?"

"I wasn't exactly thinking straight!"

"Me neither, that blood of yours was way to good... made me feel the things I felt for you all those years but held back."

"Anthony, this is all too much. I am feeling it too, you know that. It was always mutual. Why the hell we held back at all is beyond me now."  Ian grabbed Anthony's hand. 

"But Anthony, you see, I actually can't. Won't, rather. I'd rather die, again."

"Oh for fuck's sake Ian, okay then we'll pull a True Blood and rob the blood bank!"

"Is that possible?" "I don't know! I've never tried!"

They sped like cars but they were just walking, it was truly weird. After a few seconds they were at the bank. It was dark and desolate. It was way after midnight. 

"Can we just walk in here?"

"Let me do it."

Anthony walked at human pace again, slowly to the blood bank. Ian had time to take in his surroundings, new senses still adjusting. He looked at his own hands. They were pale, of course. But he saw more sharp than ever, the details actually freaked him out a bit. And he listened. The city was so busy, so many people, so many heartbeats, Ian felt dizzy when he listened too much. But then it happened. A smell. So sweet, some kind of feral instinct took over. It was definitely a woman, a woman walking through the park he and Anthony had just crossed. Her perfume, her deodorant, her panties, but above all, her blood. Fresh blood was pumping furiously through her body, just begging to be drunk.

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Ian picked her up like she was a pebble in his hand, ran to a place where nobody saw them and then, wholly without thinking, crashed into her neck like it was the spring of life. He drank and drank and spilled a lot of blood as well. The woman didn't scream, just as he hadn't screamed. She lay limp in his arms now, dead. She had been beautiful, with a kind face. Ian dropped her onto the ground, horrified of what he had just done. But then the Feeling hit him. Stars before his eyes, he finally felt Alive, more alive than he'd been during his actual life. He felt so good, in fact that he danced around like an idiot. Then Anthony found him.

Two heavy bags dropped to the ground. "Ian!" He cried out, concerned. 

"I feel so good, Anthony!" "Oh, it's happened huh." "Yeah. I hate what I've become but I can't be bothered by it at the moment, let's dance, Anthony!" The two vampires danced around, and a different kind of lust developed. Laughing, Ian pushed Anthony against a tree. He kissed him, reveling in the feeling of finally allowing him to be in love with his best friend. He brushed through his beautiful brown hair with his hand, traced the dumb tattoos Anthony had set, with one sweep ripping his shirt off of him. 

"I really do hate your tattoos," he said as he kissed and licked them, cutting Anthony's flesh with his fangs. 

"I know, I set them to spite you," Anthony giggled. 

"We're finally going to fuck, huh." "Yes we are."

They made passionate love like only vampires do. Ian sucked on Anthony's dick and let him come all over his face. Then Ian fucked Anthony from behind. It hurt in the best way. And Anthony returned the favor, while scratching Ian's back deeply, leaving trails of black blood, resembling his own tattoos. They fell down into the grass, next to the dead woman, laughing but while he laughed, tears streamed down Ian's face. 

"This needs to stop, Anthony... we are killers."

"We are finally what we are supposed to be, Ian. Together."