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beskarhearts · 4 years ago

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Mourn (Din Djarin x reader)

Connection series Pt. 9

Pairing: Din Djarin x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Warnings: cursing, mention of family members passing away, drinking, smallest mention of prostitution, death/killing, angst (let me know if I missed any)

Word count: over 12.0K

Summary: Din mourns his newest loss and you learn that you might not be able to run away this time.

Notes: Woof! This was a big one but it’s one of my favorite chapters so far. I have a few more chapters planned before we start getting into the events from season 2!

Previous Part ____ Next Part

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Din sat in the seat of his Crest, his hand tightly clutching onto the necklace in his hand. He couldn’t bear to look at it, just the feeling of the cool metal against his bare skin serving as a reminder of his lost.

He knew where she would of gone. He had mentioned the bounty had a ship that was not too far from where the Crest had landed, probably only a matter of a few hundred feet away. He had realized relatively quickly what had happened and he could probably get to her before she left, and that was assuming the ship the bounty stole even worked anymore. If she had to fix something really quick, he could definitely get to her.

Din listened as the kid let out a little mewl, sat in the passenger seat beside him. In the seat she usually sat in. The child looked over at Din with big eyes and he knew the kid understood she had left. Probably had watched her do it.

She left him. Din let in a deep breath, trying his best not to let tears fall. Because even though he would have the helmet on to cover them, he couldn’t allow himself to do it. If he did, he didn’t know how he would stop.

Din had two options. He could either find her and try to find out what happened or he could turn in his bounty and let her leave. Let her leave him like she wanted to. Like she chose to.

The Mandalorian had always been a loner. He never had anyone beside him. No friends, no family, certainly never a woman he loved. He had been accustomed to that lifestyle for many years. She had changed that though. She made him feel whole, filling in a hole in his life he hadn’t even truly understood he had. She made him feel worthy of more and made him feel like he mattered to someone. Was more than a piece of metal that took down bounties for men richer than him. She made him realize he didn’t want to be alone anymore and he wanted to spend life with someone who made his days far happier than they ever had before.

And he fell in love with her because of it. He fell in love with her personality, her warmth, and the way she opened his eyes to what life could be like, even for a man like him. She expanded his clan, his family, by one and had made life so much sweeter.

But now she was gone. Not because she had to leave or he had wanted her to. Out of her own volition. She chose to. And while Din loved her and his heart was aching, he wasn’t going to force himself on her. She didn’t want him.

Din had lost before. He would just endure another one and move on. Like he always did.

He took the necklace in his hands and placed it on the dashboard of the Crest. Din would try to ignore the pain, try to move on and find a Jedi for the kid, but he could keep this little token. Just as a small reminder of what maybe could of been.

Din cleared his throat and punched in his next location, preparing the ship for a jump into hyperspace. “Let’s turn this bounty in, kid.”

The child let out another small noise but Din didn’t bother to look. He’d just see the confusion and pain in his eyes, the same he had in his but were hidden away. He simply shook his head and heard the ship hum as it prepared to leave. Leave the planet where she could still possibly be.

“She’s gone. We’ve got to move on.”

___________________

You felt sick to your stomach.

The ship was easy to find. Din was right, it had only been a few hundred feet away, easy to run to. It was a small x-wing, probably stolen, but it wasn’t too old or damaged. Certainly in better shape than the Crest had been when you first saw it. You just had to fix the control panel, which you did with hands that shook and your heart slamming in your chest. You had worried Din might of tried to find you, knowing you were going to the bounty’s aircraft, but he must of not realized what was happening because he never came.

Once the ship was finally in order, you hauled your body into it, placing your bag at your feet, and closing the hatch of it. The x-wing smelled, probably from the Klantooinian who had stolen it. You were surprised he could even fly it and hadn’t crashed into the planet, but was thankful it was there. It was your ticket out.

But once you were in the pilot’s seat, hands ready to punch in your next location into the navigation system, you were suddenly lost. Where would you go? You couldn’t go back to Yungbrii. You had been there for so long and hated it. You couldn’t bring yourself to go back, even though your small mechanic shop may still be there. You also couldn’t risk going back there. If Din did decide to try to find you, that would probably be one of the first places he would think to stop at.

Where else would you go? You thought of the planet you had stopped at with Din that had the marketplace. There were lots of people there, meaning there would be work. You could blend in, hide away. Probably wouldn’t garner a lot of attention from anybody. But you weren’t even exactly sure where that was and that would hurt. Going to a place you had gone with Din, your family, would be pouring salt into a fresh wound. And you weren’t sure you could go there and relive those memories and not try to find your way back to Din.

You could technically go anywhere. You could punch in any location and try to start anew. You could hide away everything that had happened, like you always did, and become a new person.

But instead of just going to a random planet, you went to the one place you had ever find yourself yearning to go to. The one place, besides the Crest with Din, that had been your home. Where you had grown up and loved. It was risky and it might be the worst decision, but you punched in the coordinates.

And then you were off. To Jakku.

___________________

“He’s dead.”

Din stood across from the client who ordered the bounty. The man’s arms were crossed, his face twisted into a firm grimace. “I did the job.”

The man let out a snarl, his jaw jutting out as he tried to temper the rage consuming him. “I wanted him alive. I wanted him to suffer under my hand, not yours.”

“There were... complications.” Din tried his best to not think of her, of the sobs she had let out with the body laid out on the floor in front of her. He couldn’t let himself crack right now.

“I thought you were supposed to be best.”

“It couldn’t be avoided.”

“What? Did he try to kill that pet of yours?” The man snarled as one of his crooked fingers pointed to the carrier on his hip. Din turned to look down at his side. The kid looked right up at him, his face covered by the fabric of the bag but his big eyes and ears popping out. Din couldn’t help but to think of what her reaction would be right now. She’d probably make some sarcastic comment to the client and then given Din a look that said something along the lines of ‘what a joke’. Din shook his head, trying to shake away the thought from his mind.

“I did what I had to do. I did the job.”

“Well, I’m not paying you the full price. I’ll give you half.”

Din huffed. Half of this bounty was supposed to go to fuel alone. He needed the other half. The whole reason he did this job was because he needed the credits. If he hadn’t, then he wouldn’t have landed on that damn planet and maybe, just maybe, she’d still be around. “That wasn’t the agreement.”

“The agreement was to bring him to me.”

“I did.” Din could probably be described as an abnormally calm man. Part of it was being a Mandalorian. You get used to dealing with shady people. You get used to the looks, to being swindled, to being treated like a droid who was just meant to work away for the rest of his days. Eventually, it just became part of the scenery for Din and he never got bothered by it. But today was a bad day and Din was feeling all the emotions he was bottling up turn into annoyance with this man.

“I wanted him alive!” The man yelled, his fists clenching tightly.

Din let out a loud sigh, his hands grazing the blaster on his side which the man took notice of. “Give me my credits.” He said plainly, but he knew there was a danger to his words. He saw the way the mans hand shook slightly and his anger expression dropped for a split second. Din was aware of the effect he could have on people, the fear he could instill in them even when he had no plans of actually doing anything.

“Fine. But you are never getting hired by me ever again.”

Thank the Maker for that. Din wanted to call him a damn asshole (something she probably would of done with that dangerous mouth of hers) but instead he nodded his head and reached a hand out. The client dropped the credits in his hand with a dramatic huff, turning around without another word and storming off.

Din turned around, heading back in the direction of his ship. The town he had landed on could best be described as grimy. It was dark and dingy: a stale smell filled the air and every wall was covered in what looked like grease. There were a few buildings, including a hotel and cantina, both of which looked run down and run by folk who probably weren’t the most pleasant. Din continued strolling away until he heard a loud laugh fill the air. It was bubbly and feminine, and Din couldn’t help the pit that filled his stomach at the sound of it. It came from the cantina and it didn’t even sound like her that much but he couldn’t help it. He knew she wasn’t here. She had no reason to stop on a planet this horrid but his feel still turned in the direction of the cantina. He froze before entering. He needed to see if it was her, even though he knew deep down it wasn’t. He let out a huff before he entered the building. His eyes scanned the dimly lit cantina. It wasn’t too busy, just a few people at the bar and a couple in the corner who were practically attached to each other. The smell of liquor was overwhelmingly strong in the room and the air in it was stale. The establishment felt like a bad hangover that left you sick.

The couple in the corner finally detached themselves from each other and the woman let out another laugh. Din nodded his head. It wasn’t her. Of course not. Din went to turn towards the exit when the bartender spoke, “You want a drink or you just come to stare?”

Din was going to walk off, ignore the man like he did with most people. Din wasn’t a drinker, never really had been. He didn’t like the feeling it gave him. The numbness and the fogginess. But right now, that didn’t sound like the worst feeling. In fact, it sounded like it would be better to forget and drown his sorrows tonight rather than sit in the Crest and wallow in his pain. Din turned his head and walked towards the bar, dropping a couple credits onto the counter. “A bottle of whatever you have.”

The man nodded, his slimy fingers reaching out for the credits as he gave The Mandalorian a crazed look. He grabbed a bottle from behind the counter, one Din wasn’t too familiar with, and placed it down for him to grab. Din reached out for it, ready to leave, when the man spoke again. “You want any company, pal?”

The man leaned his head to the right and Din looked to find a woman sat at the bar, scantily clad and giving him a sickening smile. Her fingers waved at him slowly.

“No.” Din turned without another word, storming out of the cantina with the bottle grasped tightly in his hand.

___________________

Even though it was nighttime by the time you landed on Jakku, the air was still warm. The sky was dark but filled with what appeared to be a million little stars, a scene that was so juxtaposed to the environment it was in. You looked up to the sky and felt a peace in your heart, looking at the very stars you had stared into during your childhood here. You recognized certain constellations, ones your mother had taught you.

You were fatigued but your body was also cramping from being inside such a tiny ship for so long. By now, the x-wing was done for. They were meant for fighting and battle, not traveling through hyperspace for extended amounts of time, and you had sufficiently pushed the ship to its breaking point. You stepped onto the sand, feeling it give under the boots you wore. You looked around, trying to see if there was anyone nearby, but you found it was just you. You had parked not too far from Niima Trading Post, a place where you had worked and knew like the back of your hand. Part of you wanted to venture to it now, maybe find some food and a place to stay. But you had left most of your credits with Din, only a small handful in your pocket. Certainly not enough for a bed for the night. You also weren’t sure what would greet you once you traveled into the post. You had changed plenty since you lived here last and weren’t worried a lot about people recognizing you. Most people on Jakku came and went. There weren’t a lot of people who lived there permanently besides the scavengers and criminals, who didn’t bother to get to know people, and people who ran the few booths that were there. But you still felt a bit of fear in your heart at the prospect of entering the post and decided it would be better to save that for the morning, when you were more alert.

You were absolutely exhausted. You were still worn out from what had happened the day before and the long day of traveling hadn’t done you any favors. You sat down on the sand, your back leaning against a part of the x-wing. You closed your eyes, bring your hands to rub at your face. Today had been so long and you had spent most of it trying not to think of Din or the child. You couldn’t bear to do so. It would only lead to heartache. But even despite your desperate attempts to keep thoughts of your Mandalorian at bay, your chest still felt heavy and you had felt like you were on the verge of tears all day.

All you wished right now was that Din was with you. That you were in the Crest, laying in bed with him again. You could show him your home, the town where you had grown up. You knew it wasn’t much but you still think Din would of appreciated seeing it. Getting to learn more about your origin, how you had become the person you were now.

You opened your eyes, shaking your head. You had to stop thinking like that. Din was gone. You had left him and the child behind. You had left that clan. And even though that left a gaping hole in your chest, it was for the right reasons. You weren’t the type of person who could have a family. It just wasn’t part of you. That was for normal people with normal lives.

You rested your head against the hot metal of the ship and let your eyes slip close.

___________________

Din brought the bottle to his lips again. The Crest was back in hyperspace, heading to some planet on the Outer Rim. The child was asleep, in his hammock with the door closed so he couldn’t see Dins face. The ship was completely silent, except for the soft whirl of it traveling. This was normally when Din would sit in the cockpit for a while before going to bed, staring off into the galaxy. That was what he did before she came along and joined him. But now he couldn’t bring himself to sit in that seat, with the passenger one empty and without her sweet voice filling the small confines of the space. Instead he sat on the cot on the floor, the one she had slept on. His helmet had been taken off and he had rested it on her pillow. His legs were splayed out, reaching past the small cot and laying heavily on the cool floor below him. He was still adorned in all his armor, the only helmet being the only piece of metal he was bare of.

Din brought the bottle up to his lips, letting the warm liquor run over his tongue and down his throat. It was a large bottle but was now half empty at this point. It tasted like shit, definitely not worth what he paid, but he hadn’t expected much from a place like that. And in the end, it was partially doing its job. Din felt his eyes droop, his senses dull. His body fell limp against the bed that still smelled of her, like honey and fresh laundry. At this point, Din was sufficiently drunk, teetering on the edge of hammered.

He probably should stop, but he couldn’t refrain from guzzling down the drink. He had hoped it would ease his pain, make the tear in his heart mend a little. He wanted to stop thinking, to let all his emotions slip away. But all it seemed to do was make it even worse. Everything felt rawer and drinking was just pouring salt in the wound. Din’s only hope now was that he could get black out drunk and forget. At least forget tonight and the weakness he felt in this moment. The way his hands shook and his eyes glossed over. Forget the pit in his stomach and the necklace that he had put in his pocket before he left earlier.

But the problem was that he’d never forget her. Din felt something wet against his cheeks, bringing a hand up to his skin and wiping at it. He looked down at his fingers and saw that he had started crying without even realizing it. The warm tears continued to slip down his cheeks. traveling down to his chin so small drops landed on the metal of his chest plate.

“Why... why did you leave me?” Din knew she wasn’t there and he was alone, but he still spoke the words that rung through his head over and over. He would of done anything for her. Didn’t she know that? He didn’t care what was wrong or what was happening. Nothing would change the way he cared for her and loved her.

He couldn’t stop imagining the night before. The way he had held her and how her skin had felt. It had been so soft and sweet. She had filled every single one of his senses. All he could think of was her and how he wanted her, no, needed her. He should of tried to find her. He should of followed her to the ship, begged her not to go. Told her he loved her and she was his anchor.

Din wiped away the tears, putting down the bottle. He needed to sober up.

He needed to find her.

___________________

Walking into Niima Trading Post was like walking into the past. Not much had changed. The same booths were there, full of scavengers selling their parts and towns people selling their goods to the people who came and went. It was different faces but the same place and same environment. The sand still covered almost everything, almost like a blanket of snow. The post was relatively quiet this early in the morning, just the usual bustle of scavengers heading out for the day. So far you hadn’t seen anyone who you recognized, which didn’t particularly surprise you.

You continued your stroll through town, not even really considering where you were heading until you were face to face with it. You stopped completely, staring at the small garage-like building in front of you, and felt your chest squeeze. It was what had used to be your father’s mechanic shop and it looked exactly the same as it used to. Run down, but obviously well taken care of. It was pretty empty, only one small carrier in the corner that was being worked on. You stepped closer to it, letting your hand reach out and touch one of the walls. You had spent so much of your life here. This is where your father had taught you to be a mechanic and to work hard. This is the place you spent the most time with your dad.

“Do you need some help, ma’am?” You turned to the right, looking over to see a man ducking out from under the carrier that was being worked on. He was an extremely tall, large man with a long, wispy red beard and no other hair. Several grease stains were on his overalls, which were tied around his waist, a white tank top covering his upper half that was just as dirty. A sheen of sweat covered his skin and he held a tool in his right hand. He wasn’t a particularly attractive man but he had a big smile on his face that was welcoming.

“Oh... umm... no. I just,” You paused and bit your lip. “I knew the person who used to run this shop.”

The man’s smile dropped slightly and his broad shoulders sagged. “Oh, he... no longer works here. He passed away right before I started working here.”

You gave him a sad smile. “Oh. Do you run this now?”

He let out a small chuckle at your question. “Oh Maker, no. Just a mechanic. The lady runs it here.”

Your eyebrows lift up. “Who is she?”

“She was a friend of the family. Knew them before they were all killed.” He must of noticed the way you winced at the casual mention of your parents murder. “Oh, you must not know. I wasn’t at Jakku yet but I heard the rumors. Horrible, horrible thing. Whole family was killed. The only one who may of survived was the killer.”

Your eyebrows shot up at his words and you stared at him incredulously. Did the Empire make it look like you had died and left behind a killer to take the blame for the attack? “Who was the killer?”

“Believe it or not, their daughter. Rumor has it she went nuts.” The man gestured to his head, indicating the ‘killer’ had lost their mind. “No one knows for sure but she was the only one who wasn’t found so people just made their assumptions.”

You clenched your fists tightly. The Empire must of covered their tracks and gotten rid of any evidence they had come and slaughtered your family, letting the towns people of Niima gossip about what could of happened. You felt shame and anger pour into you. The very people you had known your whole life had pointed the finger at you. Jakku wasn’t the kindest place but it had been your home and you couldn’t believe that they’d label you as a killer.

“Zeke, are you bothering a potential customer with useless rumors?” You turn around at the sound of the voice you knew all too well. Your heart stopped at the sight of the woman behind you, who immediately made eye contact with you and froze.

“Oh, no ma’am. She used to know the family.” He looked back and forth between you and the woman, lowering his voice and whispering to her, “I don’t think she knew what happened.”

“Mai.” You calmly said and the woman gave you a small smile. Mai had been a long-time family friend, extraordinarily close to your grandmother. People had said they were practically sisters and you couldn’t help but to see so many similarities in her. They were both loud-mouthed and bossy, but also exceptionally kind. When your grandmother had first landed on Jakku with a daughter and no father for the child, Mai had been a helping hand, allowing your grandmother to settle down and learning about her past. She had been there at your birth and had watched you grow up. If there was one person at Jakku you ever truly wanted to see again, it would be Mai.

“Zeke, I am going to take my friend over here. You continue working on that carrier.” The man nodded and turned around, getting one last look at you before crawling back under the carrier to resume his work. Mai strode towards you, her arms immediately reaching out and hugging you tightly. “Maker. I thought you were dead.”

You clutched onto Mai and felt a wave of relief wash over you for the first time in days. She let go of you, placing her hands on your shoulders and giving you a good once-over before grabbing an arm and dragging you over to the small office attached to the garage. She pushed you into the room, locking the door behind you before once again looking you up and down like she was surveying you. “You look older.”

You let out a small chuckle. “That’s what happens when six years passes by.”

Mai rolled her eyes playfully and grinned, her arms crossing over her chest as she leaned against the door. “Still a smart ass like your grandmother?”

You nodded. “Yeah. That part didn’t go away.”

She pushed her body off the door, strolling over to the desk in the room and sitting on it, gesturing for you to sit in the chair in front of her. You dropped your bag next to it before plopping down, looking up at her as she continued to study you intently. “As happy as I am to see you, kid, what the kriff are you doing here?”

Your smile dropped and you rested your elbow against the arm of the chair, bringing your hand up to your face. “I... don’t know.”

“You can’t be here. They think-”

“That I am a killer.” You interrupted and Mai gave you a pitiful look.

“You know how people are here. Nothing else to do but scavenge and gossip.”

“So they just label me as a murderer?”

“Nobody knew anything. All they found was your house burnt down and your parents and grandmother laid out on the ground.” Mai paused as she watched your expression shift from anger to sadness. Realization washed over her features. “Fuck. You were there?”

“Of course.”

“I was hoping you had escaped before whatever happened... well happened. I thought that or you had died.” She let out a small sigh, brushing one of her gray hairs behind her ears. “What happened?”

You could sense the sadness in her voice. She had loved your family, pretty much been a member of it. Your family was a tight circle with a lot of secrets and Mai had accepted the responsibility that came with that. She knew everything about your grandmother and mother. The Force and how they had fled where they had lived in order to escape the threat of death. You had often wondered what she was thinking in the days following your family’s death, wishing you could console her and explain everything, but feared returning to Jakku. “The Empire happened.”

Mais face went slack, her dark skin seeming to pale at what you said. “Shit. How did they find out where you were?”

You had often wondered the same thing. How did they know you were Jedis and how the hell did they know where you were? Jakku was low-profile, not the kind of place people worried about. Once people came here, they usually never went back to where they were from. It was just the way it went. So why had the Empire searched Jakku for your family, just to wipe you all out even though you posed no direct threat? You shrugged and let out a sigh. “No clue. But they knew about my grandmother being a Jedi, as well as my mom having a connection with the Force. Didn’t know she wasn’t trained though.”

“So they just... killed them?”

“Yep. Mom and Dad first. Gram wasn’t there so they... umm... used some tactics to try to get me to talk.” You pulled the jacket you were wearing against your body even more, not wanting her to see what exactly they had done exactly. It would send her into a frenzy, because much like yourself, she was overly protective.

“Gram showed up and they killed her...” You voice drifts off. You were leaving out some details, things you couldn’t bear to talk about, but Mai nodded understandingly.

“I’m so sorry, kid.” She leaned over and reached a wrinkled hand out to your knee, patting it. She sat back up and shook her head, allowing herself a minute to process everything. “What did you do?”

“Took one of their ships and got the hell out of dodge.”

“Where did you go?”

“Yungbrii for a long time. Haven’t been there in months though. I was with-” You almost feel yourself say his name and stop yourself short. You didn’t want to cover that.

“Why did you go to Yungbrii?” Mai’s eyebrows wrinkled together.

“I just landed anywhere small. Lived somewhere that makes Niima look like a bustling city.” Mai frowned at your description. She knew you when you were the type of person who liked to be around others. You used to thrive off human contact. But that had changed very quickly.

“What are you doing now?”

You let out a huff. “I don’t know.”

Mai shook her head and stood from the spot on her desk. “I love you, kid, and you can stay at my place for a few days. But you can’t stay here.”

“People won’t be fond of the murderer hanging around?” You said, feeling your face pinch up into a scowl.

Mai uncomfortably nodded. “You know the people here aren’t the kindest, especially if they sense any potential threat.”

“Great.” You closed your eyes and leaned your head back. You didn’t know where to go next. You had no ship, no family or friends, almost no credits.

“I have a ship at my house. A complete piece of garbage but if anyone can fix it, it’s you. You can have it and work on it there.”

You give her a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“But you need to find out where to go.”

“Yeah. That’s the problem.”

Mai frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “Where were you after Yungbrii?”

“What?”

“You said you haven’t been there in months. So where were you?”

Your shoulders sag and you try to not let your emotions overwhelm you. You give yourself a moment, letting out a deep breath. “Doesn’t matter. It’s not an option.”

The woman gave you a knowing look. “What happened?”

You stand from your seat, grabbing your bag. “You know, I am absolutely exhausted and should start working on the ship.” You change the topic to which Mai huffs. “You still live in the same place?”

“Of course.”

“I am going to head over there then. If it’s okay.”

Mai gave you a soft look, understanding there was something more under the surface, something you weren’t telling her. “It’s fine. But we are talking later.”

You give her a quick nod before opening the door to the office. You give her one last smile before you begin to walk towards your next destination.

___________________

Din’s head was absolutely pounding. It felt like a drill was slamming through it with every step he took and every movement. The kid had woken up with bustles of energy but every-time he made a noise, Din winced. He swore to himself he would never, ever drink again.

Luckily the kid seemed to take notice of Din’s change in behavior, calming himself and keeping his attention occupied on the metal sphere in his hand. Normally Din would take it from him, explaining it wasn’t a toy, but he didn’t have the energy to do so today and anything that kept the kid quiet was fine by him. He also had too much to think about already.

Din was sat in the pilots seat with the child buckled in beside him. His hands lightly grasped the navigator but he was frozen. Where would she have gone?

Certainly not Yungbrii. She hated that place with a passion, never haven spoken one good word about the place. Also, if she was trying to make it so Din couldn’t find her, she wouldn’t return. She would know he would think of that. Din considered the planet with the marketplace they had stopped at. It had been busy, somewhere she could blend it. But she usually didn’t run to people - she ran away from them. That would be too much for her and Din wasn’t even sure if she knew the coordinates for it. Din considered the planet they had stayed at with the flowers. But there was absolutely nothing there - no place to get food or anywhere to even live. If she took the x-wing, she probably only had one long-distance trip she could get out of it. She wouldn’t waste it on a place she couldn’t even stay.

Din felt hopeless. She could of stopped anywhere. Hell, she could of punched in some random coordinates and ran off. But that didn’t seem likely to Din. She wasn’t the type to not think before she acted. She had purpose behind every decision she made. This would certainly be no different. So Din just had to think of one planet, out of the millions out there, that she would of stopped at.

Nowhere cold. She hated the cold, having told Din once how much she detested the snow. It would be somewhere warm, where she could work in the sun. It would also not be somewhere with a lot of people but enough that she could work. She was an incredibly talented mechanic and Din knew she loved the work. It would have to be a place where maybe a lot of people didn’t live but stopped by on their way somewhere else. Somewhere where they quickly got their ship freshened up and then were on their way. She would have to find somewhere where she could either get hired or start her own place. Din then considered how she had left most of her minimal credits behind, meaning she only had a little on her, if any. She wouldn’t go to anywhere too expensive. She didn’t have the money for that. It would have to be somewhere with a mechanic shop already established, so she could get a job and make some money. Maybe somewhere where she could also sell parts from the x-wing, put some credits in her pocket before she was on her way.

But, Din also thought she would want to go somewhere familiar. She had spent so long on Yungbrii, which was the polar opposite of everything she had once known. And once she was with Din, she had gotten used to the environment. It had become a sort of home where she knew her surroundings. Knew the dynamics of the place she was at. Din imagined she wouldn’t want to throw herself into a place that had no sense of familiarity.

Then it hit him. She had nothing: no ship, barely any credits, and no family now. She was a lone wolf once again but she no longer enjoyed being on her own. She needed a sense of belonging or home or something of that nature . She also had nothing left to risk. “Dank farrik!”

Din punched in the coordinates and clasped his hands onto the ships steering controls. He had to get out of here and go, now. The kid cooed behind him and Din turned to see him eagerly looking up at him.

“We need to go get your mom, kid.” Din didn’t even consider how he had referred to her as the kid’s mom, his body and mind too busy in hyperdrive and worrying. She could be in danger. “We’re going to Jakku.”

___________________

“Well, you really went to work.”

You turned at the sound of Mai’s voice, seeing her walking towards you with two mugs in her hands. You hopped down from your spot on the ship and she handed a cup of caf to you, which you welcomed happily. It was now nearing sunset and you had spent most of the day in the sun, working on the ship. “You weren’t kidding about this being a piece of junk.”

Mai let out a hearty chuckle. “It is in bad shape. One of the worst I’ve seen.”

“Eh, I’ve seen worse.” You smiled slightly at the thought of the Crest and how you constantly teased Din about his shop being a flying death trap. The ship you were working on now was small and not even operable, but at least it wasn’t pre-empire. Just abused and in need of a little love.

“What’s with that smile?”

You dropped the grin from your face and feel your stomach twist. You had to stop thinking about Din or the kid or the Crest. It would only hurt more and more. “Nothing.”

Mai scoffed at that, taking a sip of her caff and then giving you a sly smile. “You are a bad liar.”

“Shut up.”

“Does that smile have anything to do with where you’ve been the past few months?”

You hated how much Mai knew you, how she could piece things together like this. Your grandmother was the same way, always able to know what you were thinking. You were never able to keep a secret from the two of them. “It doesn’t matter.”

Mai rolled her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to leave your angsty, secretive phase in your teens.”

“Guess I am just special.”

“Or holding too much in. You need to talk to me, kid.”

“I’m fine.” You insisted.

Mai shook her head. She looked over at your box of tools you had laid out next to your bag. “Still have your dad’s tools?”

“Oh, yeah.”

The woman bent down at the knees, reaching out to touch the box when something caught her eyes. She tugged at the wool pooling out of your bag and pulled out the blanket you had gotten at the marketplace. “This looks just like the blanket your grandmother gave you.”

You smiled as you saw her eyes brighten up. “Yeah. Found it at this booth on some random planet.” She gave you a quizzical look. “I was, umm... traveling for a while.”

“With who?”

Your smile dropped and you put down your cup, grabbing a tool and turning back to the ship. “Like I said: doesn’t matter.”

“Kid-”

“It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have been there.”

“Well, surely that’s not the case.”

Mai was persistent, just like you. Now you were realizing how annoying it was for Din when you wouldn’t stop bothering him. “He... they are better without me.”

You cleared your throat, trying to seem unbothered but the older woman saw right through you. The corner of her lip quirked into a smile and she let out a chuckle. You huffed at her and frowned. “What in the Maker is so funny?”

“I just thought I’d never live to see the day.” she said teasingly.

“What?”

“This man you traveled with... why did you leave?”

You shook your head. “Stop.”

“I just never thought I’d see the day you were in love.”

The tool in your hand dropped, causing you to jump and you looked at her with bewilderment. You had forgotten how she could read you like a book. It was flustering you. You were trying to move away from everything, not talk about it and dwell on it. “I’m not.” you defiantly said, but even you could hear your voice waiver.

“I’ve seen that look before. Your heart is hurting.” Mai’s gaze on you softened and you felt your head drop as you realized you weren’t going to get away with not telling her what had happened. “So tell me what happened with this man you love.”

“I’m just not the kind of person who can be with someone. He deserves better.” You plainly said, even though your heart was pounding and your vision was blurring with the tears that threatened to spill.

“Bullshit.” Mai rolled her eyes and put her cup of caf down on the ground, grabbing both of your shoulders after and looking you dead in the eye. “You are incredible and deserve the best.”

You rolled your eyes and pulled away. “I am a mess. A dangerous mess.”

“What in the kriff are you talking about?”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “I can’t control... it anymore.”

Mia nodded knowingly. She wasn’t a Jedi herself, but she was the only person outside of your family who knew of your family and their secret. Your grandmother had explained the Force to her extensively and she knew how you struggled and trained with her. “What happened?”

“There was a man and he was trying to hurt the kid-”

“The kid?!”

You shook your head, waving away her dramatic response. “Not my kid.” You clarified. “He was a foundling. Anyways, this man attacked me when the kid and I were alone and I... killed him. Without even thinking about it. It’s like my body went into auto-pilot and I couldn’t stop it.”

“So that is why you left.”

“Yes. What if I hurt the kid or-” You found his name almost slip from your lips and you pause.

Mai nodded knowingly. “You stopped using the Force?”

“Yes. After everybody died, I couldn’t anymore. That night they attacked... I used it to kill for the first time and I never, ever wanted to do it again.”

“Can I ask you a question?” You nod slowly and Mai let’s out a long sigh. “To clarify, every time you’ve used the Force in this way, it has been to protect people you care about?”

“Yes. I supposed that is true but-”

“And never have you ever hurt anybody who was innocent or you loved?”

“No. But-”

“And you’ve never wanted to hurt anybody who wasn’t posing a direct threat to you or your family?”

You let out a grunt as she continues interrupting. “Yes. But it doesn’t matter. Gram taught me not to use the Force to harm people. And I have multiple times now.”

Mai paused for a moment before letting out an exasperated, tired laugh. “You are so much like her.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your grandmother. You are just like her. She let unnecessary guilt eat away at her.”

“What?”

“You know how your grandmother came here, escaping?”

You sighed, feeling annoyance bubble with your chest. You had heard this story so many times and didn’t know why it mattered. “Yes, but-”

“Your grandmother had done everything she could to protect your mother. Including kill a man.”

Your jaw slacked and you raised your eyebrows at her. “No. She said she never used the Force to hurt anyone.”

“That’s true. Except for once.” Mai grabbed her mug and leaned against the ship you had been working on, taking a long sip of caf as you stood there dumbfounded. “Your grandmother was attacked by her husband - your grandfather - before she left. He hadn’t know your grandmother was a Jedi and once he did, and he realized his daughter was probably one as well, he wanted your grandmother to abandon your mother and told her to never use the Force.

She wasn’t willing to do that. But he was a violent man with a bad temper. And he brutally attacked her. She didn’t lift a finger - until he started approaching your mother. Then, she did what any mother in that situation should do: she protected her child, even if it meant killing someone.”

You let out the deep breath you were holding in, bringing your hands up to rub at your temples. Your system felt like it was in overdrive. The last couple days had just been too much and this was so much information. You didn’t know whether you wanted to cry or yell. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

“She was ashamed of it. Let the guilt get to her too much. Never told you or your mother.” Mai shook her head solemnly. “I am not going to say what you did felt great because it didn’t. But what I will say is that what you did was what you had to do.”

“It doesn’t feel like that.”

“That’s okay. But the very fact that you feel guilty shows you are a good person. And you only ever used the Force to protect your family when they were being threatened. There is no reason to assume you are just going to hurt people.”

You stood in silence, allowing your brain to process everything. You had spent so much time hating yourself and laying yourself in blankets of guilt that you hadn’t even considered anything else. You knew deep down you would never hurt Din or the kid. Never lay a finger on them. And there was no reason to think you would, but the fear had clouded your brain. And even with hearing Mai’s story, learning about the secret your grandmother had kept, a small part of your brain still tugged at you. If you couldn’t even protect your family, what made you think you could do it with your new family? “I’m still afraid.”

“And that is okay. But you can’t just run from it because it scares you.”

“It’s too late though. I left. I have no clue where he is and he probably hates me now.” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how Din was feeling right now. You were sure he hated you now. How could he not after you just left him like that? You had abandoned him and the kid, even though he told you he didn’t want you to leave. Even if you were somehow able to find him, he could probably never trust you again, nonetheless want you to join him and the kid.

“I’m sure that isn’t true. He is probably confused like you. So is the kid.” That could be true. Din knew something was up yesterday, but you never confided in him what exactly was wrong. You didn’t leave anything behind to indicate what you had left, only the necklace. For all you knew, he could think you left for a myriad reasons. Your heart froze at the thought of him possibly thinking you left because of him. You felt like a damn idiot. “Tell me about them. What’s the kids name?”

You paused and awkwardly chuckled. “The kid doesn’t really have a name...”

“What?” Mai furrowed her eyebrows and stared at you with confusion.

“Well, he isn’t exactly a normal child. He is a creature... I don’t really know how to explain it but we just call him the kid. Or womp rat.” You laughed as you remembered all the times you jokingly called the kid a womp rat and he would smile up at you, having no clue what you were even calling him but just glad you were around.

“Okay... that makes no sense. What is the mans name?”

“I can’t tell you that either...” You murmured quietly.

Mai tilted her head at you. “Are these two even real?”

“Yes. I just can’t tell you his name. It’s kind of against the rules.”

“The rules?”

“Um, yeah. You see, he is a... well, you know,” You stumbled on your words, worried what her reaction would be if you told her what Din was. She knew of your grandmother’s opinions about Mandalorians and weren’t sure if she shared them.

“Is he a creature too?”

You laughed at the edge in her voice. “No, he is a Mandalorian.” You watched as Mai’s jaw dropped slightly and you nervously rushed to his defense. “But he is a good man and kind and smells nice and-”

“Smells nice?”

“I am going to be completely honest: I have no clue what I am saying.” Mai let out a loud laugh at that and her eyes crinkled from the grin on her face.

“You’ve got it rough.”

You let out your own laugh and shook your head. “Yeah, I do.”

“Your grandmother is probably rolling in her grave somewhere.”

“She would of killed me.” You let out a chuckle at the though. You knew she would be livid if she found out but you also couldn’t help to think she would like Din if she got to meet him and actually get to know him. She would of appreciated his strength and admired his dedication and loyalty. She would of had to look at the man behind all the armor, but once she did, you think they would of gotten along pretty well.

“You know you have to use this ship to find him now, right?”

You let out a sigh. “He could be anywhere.”

“Can’t you use some Force voo-doo to find him?”

You rolled your eyes at her statement. “The Force isn’t a GPS.”

“If it’s so great, it should be able to do that.” She jokingly teased, throwing a wink your way before walking off to leave you be.

You sighed and looked at the ship. If you worked all night, you could probably have it fixed and ready by tomorrow afternoon. It wouldn’t be in the greatest shape, but it would be enough to fly it and find Din. You already wasted two days on this and he truly could be anywhere. But you were willing the travel the whole galaxy to find him, so you could at least explain yourself, let him know it wasn’t his fault.

You grabbed one of your tools and walked towards the ship, beginning your work again.

___________________

“How can I help you?”

“I’m looking for a woman.”

“No offense, sir, but that is extremely vague.”

The large man looked back at Din, his red beard covered in grease, along with his clothing. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his eyebrows were furrowed together in confusion, but he still had a small smile on his face.

Din had landed on Jakku this morning, just a little bit of a way out from the Niima Trading Post. She had mentioned her family had lived close by here, which meant her father would of worked as a mechanic here. As soon as he entered town, he and the child asked the first person they saw where there was a mechanic shop. Din couldn’t imagine it wouldn’t be the first place she would stop at, whether it be to ask for a job or to simply see it.

The shop was small, definitely older and a little run down, but it was taken care of. Din couldn’t help but to imagine her as a child or teenager working here with her dad like she had told Din about. Seeing it gave Din a new perspective on her past. “She would of stopped by in the last day or so. She always wears this brown jacket and-”

“Oh, the family friend.” The man gave him a knowing nod and Din felt relief flood all his senses. He had been so worried he would of come here and she would of been nowhere to be found. That he had been wrong and she could’ve been on any planet, anywhere. But hearing him confirm she had been here made Din’s heart feel lighter than it had in hours and hours now.

“Yes. Where is she?”

“I don’t know. She talked to Mai and then left.” The man paused, his smile dropping slightly. “You’re one of those Mandalorians, right? If she is a bounty of yours, I’m afraid I can’t-”

“She isn’t. She is a...,” Din drifted off. Friend felt like a foolish word. She was so much more than a friend to him but that was still what he settled on. “friend.”

“Oh!” The man smiled once again. The child, who was sat in his carrier on Din’s waist let out a little peep and the man looked over at him. He gave the child a huge grin, waving a couple of his fingers at him. Afterwards, he glanced back over at Din with a shrug. “Like I said, she left and hasn’t come back. But Mai should be in soon and she might know something.”

Din nodded and let the man turn away to resume his work. He hoped desperately she was still here. He didn’t think she would of left, but it was possible she came to the shop to get a new ship and leave - though it didn’t appear any ships were for sale here.

He studied the trading post. It was early morning and was rather quiet, not much excitement happening. A few people were starting to open their booths while some headed out into the sand, presumably scavengers. Most of the people kept to themselves, the kindest individual so far being the man who worked at the shop. Din found it hard to imagine his cyar’ika having lived here. She was so exuberant and full of life. A place like this seemed so dull for her sprawling personality - though he supposed it was exponentially more exciting compared to Yungbrii.

Din kept a look out all around, hoping he’d see her. Hoping she’d walk by and he could stop her, tell her to come back. Din knew that if he found out she was gone and no longer here, it would crush him completely. He was already low on hope and he needed some. Even if she didn’t want to come back, Din just wanted to know she was safe and happy. That would be enough for him.

“Oh, Mai, someone is here to see you.” Din turned as he heard the man’s voice bellow out and watched as a woman looked over at him. She was older but still had a youthful aura to her. Her gray hair was pulled into a braid and her hands were wrapped around a mug of what Din assumed to be caf. She gave him a big smile, an action that shocked Din. He wasn’t usually greeted with a smile.

“I’m looking for someone.” Din said as she walked over to him.

She let out a chuckle, shaking her head. “Yeah, yeah. I know you are.” Her gaze drifted over to the bag on his side where the child was held and he watched her eyes widen slightly. “He must be the womp rat?”

Din looked down to the child who looked at the woman with a little frown. He loved when his mother called him a womp rat, but not so much with other people. Din looked back up at the woman who was still smiling, a sly little smirk that reminded him of his sweet one. “Where is she?”

The woman, Mai, looked up at him and nodded her head. “She is still here. Don’t worry. Good thing you came now though. She was planning on leaving this afternoon.”

Din thanked the galaxy she hadn’t left yet and he hadn’t waited to come. “I need to see her.”

“I’ll take you to her. She is at my place.”

“Thank you.”

She smiled again at him and before she turned to lead him, she quirked her head at him. “I’m glad you came.” Din tilted his helmet at her. “She mentioned you and the kid to me.”

Din wondered what he had said about him, wanting to ask but not wanting to seem invasive or waste time. He just gave Mai a small nod and she turned around, starting to walk, and Din followed her.

___________________

“Hey, kid.”

You heard Mai’s voice ring out behind you but you didn’t bother to look away. You were so close to being done on the ship when you found some big issue with the engine. You were now covered in oil, intently working away at it with a tool in each hand. “This ship is a total bitch.”

“Kid-”

“I was so close to being done and it just crapped out on me, spitting oil all over.” You huffed as you brushed a piece of hair behind your ear, knowing you got oil on your face but not really caring. “I take back what I said: this is the worst ship I’ve ever seen. I swear it’s doing it on purpose. I ought to-”

“Kid!”

You let out a grunt as she yelled out, putting your tools down and turning to see her standing in the doorway of the small garage she had. You jumped down from your spot on the ship and strolled towards her, wiping your hands on the overalls she had let you borrow. “Yes, madam?” you sarcastically responded.

“You have a friend here to see you.”

You froze and felt your heart start to pound in your chest. It had to be Din. There was no one else it could be. Who else would be here to see you? You brought your shaky hands together and took a deep breath. “Is it...”

You couldn’t bear to bring yourself to ask the question, afraid your heart would crumble if it wasn’t. “It’s either your Mandalorian or a man with a very odd taste in clothing.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. You wanted to run out, see if it was him, and hold him your arms. But you were so afraid, for reasons unknown to you. Din had come to you. He had found you and that was a good sign, right? He wouldn’t have come all this way if he didn’t want to see you. But you still nervously chewed at your lip. Mai sensed your nerves and gave you a pat on the shoulder. “He is waiting for you outside.”

You nodded your head and slowly walked out of the garage. As soon as you exited, you saw him standing there, with his back to you, and you nearly cried. It was Din, your Din. He stood upright, his arms crossed in front of him, and the child on his side sitting in his carrier. He was the first one to say anything, turning his head and letting out a coo as he saw you. His big ears that hung out of the bag twitched and his eyes brightened.

You gave him a small smile but felt it drop once Din turned around, being alerted of your presence by the child’s noises. His arms dropped but he didn’t step closer to you, his helmet steadily aimed at you. Part of you felt so incredibly happy seeing him. The sight of him standing in front of you was something you were worried would never happen again. And though it had only been a couple days, it felt like a damn year. Seeing him made you realized just how much you had missed him. You open your mouth, not knowing exactly what to say but wanting to say something, anything, just so you could hear him speak. But he was the first one to.

“You left me.”

You felt your heart instantly shatter at his words. You wanted to crawl into yourself and disappear. It wasn’t that you weren’t aware that your leaving would hurt Din, but you didn’t truly consider how much of an impact it would have on him. Maybe you did so selfishly because you know you’d stay if you did, or maybe you truly didn’t understand just how much the man cared for you until you heard the pain in his voice, the way his breath hitched in the modulator when he saw you. Hearing the inflection of his tone was what sent you over the edge. All the emotions of the last few days washed over you and you felt exhausted. “Mando-”

“Why would you leave me?”

Where did you start? There were so many things you wanted to say, but you didn’t know where to start and the pounding of your heart in your chest distracted you. You were scared. Scared to tell Din what was really going on and to watch him walk away. Or scared to find out he didn’t want you back anyways. “It is hard to explain and understand...”

“So you just leave?”

You feel yourself wince at the harsh words. Isn’t that what you always did though? Run away? You supposed it had become a habit of yours, but that wasn’t fair to yourself. Nonetheless to the man in front of you. “I’m sorry.”

Din finally tore his gaze away from you, placing his hand on his hip that the kid wasn’t at, staring into the sky. “I’m not here to force you back.”

You tried to feverishly blink back the tears threatening to spill. He didn’t want you. You had messed up this time. Din allowed one person into his life finally and then they turn around and leave. Of course he doesn’t want you. “Oh, okay.”

“If you don’t want to be with us, you don’t have to be.” You wanted to scream at yourself, tell him all you want is to be with him and the kid.

“Mando-”

“I know there isn’t something your telling me. And I assume it’s why you left.” Din looked back towards you, the sun reflecting off his helmet and making the beskar even brighter than normal. “Or maybe it is me-”

“No!” You interrupted, stepping towards him. “It isn’t you. At all.”

“Then what is going on? Because I’m lost.” You bring a hand to rub at your face, no longer caring about the grease and oil on them. You needed to just tell him, because you couldn’t handle the thought of him blaming himself for anything. “I don’t know why you can’t tell me.”

You pause and take a breath in, looking away. “Din.” You whispered.

“Please.” You heard the slight crack in his voice, the way his words wavered, and looked at him to find him stepping closer, his helmet tilted down to look right at you.

“I lied to you.”

Din tilted his helmet slightly. “What?”

“When you asked about my family. If there were Jedis... I lied.” You froze, looking up to him to try to gage his reaction but he remained frozen, still just looking down at you. You wished desperately he didn’t have the helmet, so you could see his expression and try to know what he was thinking, because right now it was like looking at a blank wall. “You need to say something.”

“I don’t... understand.”

“My grandmother was one. My mother was one. And I’m one, kind of.” You waited for his to step away from you or tell you he couldn’t do this but he stayed in the same position so you continued. “I was always taught not to tell anyone and my grandmother told me Mandalorians hate Jedis. I didn’t want to tell you and have you leave me.”

Din finally turned away from you, looking into the distance, as the child on his hip still looked up at you while cooing softly, one little hand reaching out. “I wouldn’t leave you. I told you that.”

“That was before you knew this.”

“I don’t care.”

“But-”

“I don’t care.” He repeated softly. You couldn’t see the truth in his face, but you could hear it. But you still felt your mind eating away at you.

“I’m not a good one. I didn’t even really finish training and haven’t used it regularly in years. I can’t train the kid. He will need another Jedi.”

“I don’t care.”

“I killed that man with the Force. I killed a man.”

“I don’t care.”

You let out an exasperated laugh and huffed at him, throwing a hand up. “How do you not care?”

“You do realize what my job is?”

You guess you had never really considered Din’s job. He hadn’t had to do any bounty hunting with you, the first body he had brought in being the bounty you had killed. You knew what he did, knew he had probably killed plenty of people, if not hundreds. But it never really crossed your mind or made you hesitant. He was a good man and he was only doing his job, one he had been saddled with at a young age. “Yes, but that’s different.”

“You’re right. You did it to protect the kid. ”

“But what if I can’t control it? That’s not the first time I’ve killed someone with the Force.”

“Was the last time to protect your family?”

“I mean, I tried to... yes.”

“Then I don’t care.”

“Din-”

“I don’t care about you being a Jedi or whatever you are exactly. You’re my cyar’ika, okay? This... magic stuff you have doesn’t change how I think of you.”

You almost chuckled at the way Din spoke about ‘magic stuff’, knowing he was completely clueless, but you settled on a soft smile, still tainted with sadness and regret. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me. Or the kid. You are a good person. The best person I’ve ever met.”

You felt a weight lift off your chest at his words, that little part of your mind that had been gnawing away at you fading away. You suddenly felt stupid for not telling him all this time. How had even the smallest part of you thought he had cared? You always took what you family taught you seriously, but maybe you had taken it too far. Din was different than everyone else and you should of known that he would be okay with it. And maybe you did know. Deep down, a little part of yourself always knew that in the end, Din wouldn’t care or really understand it. Maybe it was you who couldn’t accept what you were, what you had done. But you had to move on from that.

You looked up at Din and rested a hand on his chest plate, watching how it rose and fell with each breath he took. It was warm on your hand, but a welcome sensation. “I’m sorry.” you whispered out, your voice trembling.

“It’s okay.” He insisted, bringing a hand to rest over the one on his chest.

“No, it’s not. I left you and the kid.”

“And I found you.” One of his hands reached out to grab onto your wrist, the warm leather of his glove rubbing circles into the skin. “You can’t do that again though. I need you.”

You nodded up at him. “I need you, too.”

Din let out a sigh of relief and leaned his helmet against your forehead quickly. The metal of his helmet was warm, but it was a welcome feeling against your skin. You felt your heart stop racing, your hand begin to calm and shake less. You hadn’t realized just quite how much you needed Din, but you did. He was your home now. You pulled away and felt a small smile creep on your face. “You’ve got oil on your helmet now.”

You grabbed a rag out of your back pocket, handing it to him so he could wipe it away. Din did so, and handed it back to you. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” You stepped back from him, with a small smile.

“Sweet one?”

“Yeah?”

You watched as Din froze up, looking down at the ground and back up at you. His fist tightened a little and you swore you saw his hand shake for the first time. “I want you to know that I...” He trailed off and you felt your breath hitch in your throat. Please say it. “I’m glad you are back.”

You felt silly for a second at his response but just nodded in response, giving him a grin. “Me too.”

“You want to clean up and we can go?”

“Can we actually do one thing before we go?”

“Of course.”

___________________

Din watched as she stepped forwards, her gaze stuck on the sight before them. The child looked up at Din, seeming to understand the significance of the moment. He had a sad little expression on his face and stayed completely silent, sitting in the carrier solemnly. Din stood back, standing upright as he watched her kneel down on the sand and reach a hand out to graze the three stones in front of her.

It was completely silent. They had traveled a bit outside of town, to a spot where only three gravestones stood and nothing else. No names were marked on them but they stood on their own, nothing around them except for sand. Din assumed a place like Jakku didn’t have a graveyard, making this a rare sight to see.

She took a minute before standing back up and stepping back. She stood next to Din again, her gaze drifting into the distance. “Our house was somewhere right there.”

It was the first thing she had said since she told him what she wanted to do before they left. Din looked over to where she was looking. There was nothing to see, the parts of the house that had remained probably having been taken by scavengers and the rest had been ash. Din looked over at her. She was standing upright, her shoulders stood back, and her stare was intense. She looked strong. Din was shocked to see a small smile on her face. “My father once tried to plant a fruit tree here. Said somebody at the Post had given him seeds to plant. He waited months and months to see if anything would grow and when it didn’t, he dug up the seeds only for my grandmother to tell him they were teeth from some animal.” A laugh escaped her lips and Din found himself smiling. He had grown accustomed to that laugh and it had become one of his favorite sounds. He had missed it desperately.

“My mother couldn’t cook. It was actually rather pathetic how bad she was at it. But one time, for my birthday, she tried to make a cake. She got all the ingredients for it - even though they were almost impossible to find here - and worked on it for hours. And when we cut into it, it was just goo inside. I don’t even know how she did it.” She let out a louder laugh, a bigger grin on her face as she relived the memories. Din was relieved to see her like this. So often when she spoke of her family, her words always held a tint of sadness. Like she was always mourning and couldn’t accept what had been taken from her. This was the first time Din had ever heard her tell stories of her family without that sadness. She wasn’t mourning anymore. She was celebrating their lives.

“Oooh!” He heard her voice rise, clapping her hands together as she excitedly recalled another story. “One time, my grandmother tried to set me on a blind date which confused me because she always told me relationships were a waste of time. But, I went because she wouldn’t stop nagging me about it and the damn woman had me go on a date with a Crolute! He didn’t wear shoes and had flipper feet. It was awful and she thought it was the funniest prank she had ever pulled.”

Din let out a chuckle at that one, watching as she threw her head back in laughter. Even the child joined in, letting out a small noise that could be discerned as a giggle. She looked over at Din with a bright smile, the sun blazing behind her, and it took his breath away. Without thinking, he reached a hand out and grabs hers.

She looked down at their hands and intertwined her fingers. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“I’m glad you wanted me to come.”

“You can’t meet them but I don’t know.” She shrugged with a sheepish smile. “I think maybe they are somewhere. Seeing this.” Din didn’t say anything but she looked over at him. “They would of liked you.”

Din felt a warmth fill his chest. He imagined he would of liked them as well, especially if they were anything like the woman he loved. “Thank you.”

She smiled at him and leaned closer to him, their shoulders now brushing together. “Din?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go home.”

She began to tug his arm away from the gravestones, her hand still intertwined with him, and started marching towards the Crest that she now called home. Din couldn’t help to think though that his home was being held in his hand in this very moment.

Tag List: @ilikethoseodds @dindaddy @poguesvixen @starspangledwidow @fangirlalexia @the-scandalorian @ka-x-in @keepcalmandblogstuff @the-lady-of-stars @orneryscandalousevil @spaghetti-666 @afootnoteinyourhappiness

#din djarin #the mandalorian #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin imagine #din djarin x reader #din djarin x female reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian imagine #din djarin x you #mandalorian fanfiction #mandalorian imagine #mandalorian x reader #star wars fanfiction #star wars imagine #star wars fanfic #din djarin fanfic #connection series

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peaceisadirtyword · 4 years ago

Text

Teasing (Modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!♥️ It took me so long to finish this! (it was actually a draft I had forgotten and that I had to rewrite because it was even worse). It’s not my best work and I'm not very proud of this, but I'm posting it anyway.

This fic is mainly for the lovely @maggiescarborough💕 Happy birthday, Sophie! I know I'm late and all of that😅 sorry! but I hope you had an amazing day and enjoyed it as much as you can. I really wanted to write something good for you, but I've been so mentally exhausted these past months that I don’t seem to be capable of writing good things :( anyway, I hope you enjoy it! I used this idea because I thought it was interesting, I really hope you like it♥️ Thank you for reading!

Warnings: smut, mentions of sex and alcohol, Ivar, my writer’s block (I think my block is the longest block on history), if it’s too bad I'll delete it I promise.

Words: 4108 (sorry)

gif belongs to @whenimaunicorn

You had a love-hate relationship with the gym. You liked feeling fit, you liked the feeling after an intense workout, you felt better with yourself and it allowed you to eat a pizza afterwards. But you hated to be sweaty and sticky on your way home, especially when the showers at the gym were fucking broken.

You nearly moaned in relief when you opened the door to the apartment you shared with your best friend. Her dad had insisted on installing an A/C last year, and even if you were a bit against it (you had spent one entire week bitching about how you were destroying the planet) you couldn't deny that entering the apartment after being walking under the sun for twenty minutes felt like entering Valhalla.

Leaving your bag next to the door, you took off your shirt, groaning in annoyance and already thinking about drinking the entire bottle of fresh water you had put in the fridge earlier that day.

But just when you were approaching the fridge, dressed only on your sports bra and the little grey shorts, someone interrupted you.

"Will you keep stripping for me or should I go back to reading?"

The scream died on your throat. You jumped, startled, and turned around to see the dark haired, blue-eyed asshole that almost gave you a heart attack.

He was laying on the couch, a book between his hands and a smirk on his pouty lips that made you glare at him in rage.

"What the fuck are you doing on my couch? In my house? Who let you in? Where the fuck is Thora?"

Ivar laughed, shaking his head.

"She's on her bedroom, with Hvitserk... I wouldn't go in" he raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing here?" you insisted, trying to cover yourself with your arms.

"Didn't she tell you?" he chuckled "We're reforming our apartment, Hvitserk burned the kitchen" he shrugged "So we need to stay here for some days"

"What?" you blinked. Thora definitely hadn't told you. You could go through some hours with the brothers, in fact you got along pretty well with Hvitserk. But days? That was different.

Ivar's laugh interrupted your thoughts, making you glare at him again. It wasn't that you didn't like him. Ivar was a complicated person, he seemed to really like to tease you, in a friendly way. You didn't know how, but he always managed to get to your nerves.

"Aren't you happy with having me here for days? All for you"

You'd lie if you said his tone didn't make you press your thighs together.

"No" you rolled your eyes, finally opening the fridge to take the bottle out. You could feel his eyes on you as you drank the water "Anyway, I'm going to have a shower"

"Want me to join?"

You rolled your eyes again, ignoring him as you walked to the bathroom, feeling even more exhausted than when you arrived.

Ivar confused you. He could be nice, you knew that, and if he was a bit nicer, you would have probably made a move on him. He was the only one of all his brothers that was still single, he was... Really handsome, and the smartest person you had ever met. Maybe, just maybe, you had a crush on him. It was easy to handle it on a nightclub or a pub, but you didn't know how you'd react to his constant teasing at your own home.

Even if he sometimes flirted with you -or that was what Thora said, you thought he was only messing with you- he wasn't attracted to you. You knew that because he would often go home with girls he met that same night. It was something that drove you mad, he could flirt with you, invite you to a drink, whisper sweet things on your ear as you were already tipsy and giggling, and then, he'd smirk at you and maybe leave for the toilet. When he came back, he had another girl on his arm, and ignored you for the rest of the night.

When you finished your shower, you put your pajamas on and went out of the bathroom, hoping Ivar was only joking and that they'd go home after dinner.

Thora was making out with Hvitserk on the kitchen as Ivar watched TV with a bored expression. As soon as she saw you, Thora ran to you, a big smile on her face.

"I might have forgotten to tell you"

"Yes, you might" you raised an eyebrow.

"But it's okay, right? I mean, Hvitserk will sleep with me, he won't eat all the food and we'll be quiet, I promise"

You sighed.

"What about him?" you pointed at Ivar, who raised an eyebrow.

"I'm fine with the couch" he shrugged "And I will be quiet too" he winked at you with a smirk, and you cleared your throat.

"See?" Thora smiled brightly at you "Everything's fine, and they're buying dinner today, what do you prefer? Mexican or Chinese?"

You shrugged as she looked around the kitchen for the small paper with the number of the nearest Mexican restaurant, knowing it was your favorite and that they needed to have you happy for the rest of the night.

"Ivar, are you sure you can sleep on the couch?" Hvitserk sat next to his brother, frowning a bit in concern. Ivar looked bothered with his question, as he clenched his jaw and looked away.

"Yes, I'm not a baby, Hvitserk"

"I know, but the doctor said you shouldn't sleep in bad postures, Ivar" he lowered his tone "This couch is amazing for sex but terrible to sleep in"

You decided to ignore the fact that Hvitserk just admitted fucking your roommate in the same couch in which you took a nap every day.

"Yeah, Hvitty is right" you muttered, feeling bad for him as Ivar looked to the floor "You won't sleep well in here"

He glared at you.

"He's trying a new treatment" Hvitserk explained "This one is a bit more harsh, so he needs to rest well"

Ivar hissed. You knew that his legs were a sensitive topic.

"You can always sleep on my bed" you muttered "I don't mind..."

"Are you so desperate to have me in your bed, Y/N?" Ivar smirked again, and you tried your best to avoid blushing as you scoffed.

"I'm just being polite" you glared at him, making Hvitserk chuckle.

"Would you sleep in there with me or here?" he asked, shrugging.

"If you think I like you enough to renounce to my bed for you, you're a bit delusional"

Ivar smiled, shaking his head.

"Okay, dinner will be here in half an hour" Thora said happily, sitting on Hvitserk's lap "Want to watch a movie?"

______________________________________

Hvitserk was nice, funny, a really good cook and hot, Thora even said he could give oral sex really good. But his taste in movies was shit.

That morning when you woke up, you didn't even think you'd end up sharing vegetarian tacos with Ivar and watching Fifty Shades of Grey as Hvitserk and Thora kept making out. It was awkward. Especially when the sex scenes started.

It was already midnight when the damn movie finished and you could finally get out from that couch, trying your best to avoid looking at Ivar as you took the plates to the kitchen. Thora had a weird smile as she stood up to help you.

"So, what are you going to do?" she whispered as you put the plates on the sink, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I was thinking about going to sleep" you shrugged.

"Shut up, you know what I mean" she giggled "You're going to sleep with Ivar, on the same bed... Are you going to finally do it?"

"Do what?"

"Do him" she rolled her eyes "Come on, Y/N, we all have eyes and we all can see the sexual tension"

"There's no sexual tension" you scoffed "He just likes to tease me, he doesn't want to have sex with me"

"Are you sure?" Thora laughed "You're so cute" she hugged you, making you frown in confusion "Didn't you see how he looked at you the whole night?"

Yes, you had caught him staring at you more than once. He didn't look away, but instead he smirked and winked at you until you blushed and turned your head to the TV, but you though he was only messing with you, as always. He liked to bother you when he got bored.

Shaking your head you went back to washing the plates. She giggled again and kissed your cheek before leaving to whisper something on Hvitserk's ear.

Soon, they excused themselves to go to Thora's bedroom. Hvitserk wished you a good night with a wink and then proceeded to hit Ivar with one of the cushions before leaning in to say something in Danish and chuckling as his brother glared at him.

As soon as their door closed behind them, you heard Ivar grunting softly as he stood up and approached you with his crutch. He said nothing as he leant onto the counter, next to you, watching your movements in silence.

"Did you like the movie?" he asked. You turned your head to look at him for a second and your heart nearly stopped when you saw he let his hair down.

"Not really" you cleared your throat "But it was entertaining..."

"Yeah, definitely" he held back a smile "Thank you for letting me sleep on your bed"

It was the first time you heard Ivar saying thank you, and you nearly dropped the glass you were washing.

"It's nothing, really" you frowned "Why are you being nice?"

He laughed, running one of his hands through his hair. You tried your best to avoid staring at him.

"I can be nice" he shrugged.

"Breaking news" you muttered, raising an eyebrow. Ivar chuckled again but said nothing.

When you finished, you dried your hands and turned to look at him again. His blue eyes were still fixed on you and you immediately looked away.

"I think I'm going to go to bed" you nearly whispered "I'm tired"

Ivar only nodded, taking his crutch again and waiting until you started walking down the hall to follow you, turning off the lights.

Luckily, your bed was big enough so two people could sleep on it without touching each other. Even if Ivar was fucking huge.

"I'd like to have a shower before" he cleared his throat "Could I?"

He left his bag next to the bed, turning to look at you as you were busy staring at his back.

"Yeah, sure" you cleared your throat again "There are clean towels on the last drawer" you pointed at the four-drawer dresser.

He nodded, and you heard him open the drawer as you turned around to pick up some of the clothes you had left on the floor, trying to make the room look a bit more presentable. And then you heard him chuckle and realized you had fucked up.

"Nice" Ivar seemed to find really funny that you had a vibrator on your dresser. To be fair, you had forgotten you put it in there... And had barely used it "So this is how you can go months without sex"

Blushing fiercely, you snatched the vibrator from his hand and glared at him.

"Shut up"

"It's okay, I'm not judging you" he kept laughing, and you held yourself back from hitting him with the toy "I mean, we all have needs, right?"

You ignored him, turning around again to face the wardrobe as you pretended to be too busy hanging your clothes. You could still hear his laugh when he left the room with the towel on his arm. After making sure you had hidden the vibrator well -you knew he was going to torment you with that for weeks, maybe even months-, you changed into your pajamas.

____________________________

The bathroom was warm and you could feel the humidity when Ivar finally let you enter to wash your teeth. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of grey sweatpants. You let your eyes linger on the tattoos that covered both his back and chest, but looked away and pretended to be angry at him as you turned to face the sink and grabbed your toothbrush.

He hadn't washed his hair, and you had the pleasure to watch how he ran his hands through it and put it up on a bun. Then your eyes travelled down his face and his body, and you frowned. It was really unfair how beautiful he was, especially as he was the biggest idiot you had ever met. God, you hated him.

As soon as you were finished, you raised your head to look at him again, but instead you found his blue eyes looking at you through the mirror.

"See something you like?" He raised an eyebrow, that infuriating smirk was still on his lips.

"No" you narrowed your eyes and he laughed again "What's so funny?"

"You"

"Will I be as funny when I send you to sleep on the couch?"

He shook his head and bit his lower lip, approaching you.

"You wouldn't do that"

"Try me" you rolled your eyes.

"Nah, I don't have to, I know you wouldn't"

"How do you know it?" You turned to face him, crossing your arms on your chest and staring back at him.

"Because I know you like me" he shrugged "I can see it"

"I tolerate you" you scoffed "Only because you're my best friend's boyfriend's brother"

"Sure" he smirked again.

"You're narcissist, obnoxious, arrogant and an asshole"

"You sound like Sigurd" he rolled his eyes.

"I like Sigurd more than you"

Ivar smiled again. It was driving you mad.

"No you don't" he muttered, and suddenly he was really close to you "Shut up now"

You were going to protest, but he interrupted you again. By leaning in and kissing you.

The kiss was even better than you had imagined. His lips were softer and warmer, and you couldn't help but close your eyes and moan softly as he pressed his body closer to you, leaning you against the sink. He was still leaning on his crutch, but his free hand travelled up your body until he reached your neck, grabbing it softly as you grabbed his shoulders to avoid falling down. Your knees felt weak and it was even worse when he smiled against your lips.

Ivar broke the kiss for a few seconds, brushing his nose against yours before kissing you again, this time more deeply. You moved your hips against his, making him groan and bit your lower lip. You let out a gasp and frowned, whining in protest when he moved his lips away from yours. They brushed your cheek and his hand moved to tangle into your hair before he moved his mouth down your neck. Your heart was racing as he bit, licked and kissed your neck.

He kissed you again, softly, almost like he tried to memorize the feeling of your lips against his. You felt dizzy when he finally broke the kiss, you were panting and your face burned. Ivar looked a bit taken aback by his own actions when he moved away from you. The both of you stared at each other in silence. He looked even more beautiful than he did just a couple of minutes before.

Suddenly, he cleared his throat and turned around, walking to the door and closing it after him. You stood there, grabbing the sink as your legs still trembled and you felt hot. Your face was red, and your lips were pink and a bit swollen. After staring at your own reflection for a couple of minutes, you moved to open the water tap, leaning in to wash your face.

__________________________________

Ivar was laying on your bed. He had his arm under his head and his eyes on his phone. You barely dared to look at him when you entered, going directly to the mirror that stood next to you door to put your hair up on a ponytail. Any of you dared to break the silence, though.

You climbed on the bed, facing away from him and snuggled under the covers.

"I'm going to turn off the light, okay?" you muttered, and Ivar hummed.

Silence again. You moved to hug your own pillow, as you always did, and just as you had closed your eyes and were about to drift off to sleep, you felt Ivar moving closer to you. He touched your waist, startling you.

"Is this okay?" He asked, softly, on your ear. You tensed up but nodded slowly. He sighed in content and hugged your waist, pressing you against him. His head rested on your shoulder, and you felt his breathing on your neck. Your eyes were now wide open, and your heart started beating faster.

Then you felt his lips on your cheek and leant onto him, you felt him smile against your skin and it made you smile a bit too. You didn't know what the hell was happening, but you were definitely enjoying it.

"I might have been wanting to do this for months" he muttered "But don't tell anyone"

You frowned and turned around to look at him. You were so close that you could feel his breathing on your lips.

"Are you messing with me? Because it's not funny"

Ivar shook his head. Maybe if the room wasn't that dark, you could have seen him blushing.

"I'm not, I'm being honest now, don't ruin it" he glared at you and you raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, I'm listening" you smirked, enjoying that small amount of power you had over him in that moment.

It was the first time Ivar couldn't find the right words. He bit his lip, feeling stupid as he stared at you, unable to actually put into words what he needed to say.

"Can I kiss you?" He finally said, frustrated. If he couldn't tell you, he'd show it.

You held back a soft smile at his words and nodded. This time it was you who leant in to kiss him. He sighed against your lips and his hand went to your neck again, holding you close to him as he bit your lip.

You moaned into his mouth, making him groan and grip your waist. When he broke the kiss again the both of you were panting and you pressed your thighs together.

"Gods you drive me insane woman" he growled again, pressing his face against your neck. You blushed and smiled, feeling like a teenager whose crush invited her out.

"I thought you..."

"Stop thinking" he chuckled "I know what you think, Thora told me" his blue eyes seemed to glow in the dark "You're wrong"

"But you always teased me" you rolled your eyes "You literally flirted with me and then left with some other girl"

"Yeah, that was rude" he cleared his throat "Sorry, I thought you didn't want to... Go home with me... I thought about you when we fucked though, if that counts"

"No it doesn't" you couldn't help but laugh.

Ivar smiled softly and kissed you again, this time his hand travelled down your waist, caressing your thigh and grabbing your leg, pulling you closer to him until you straddled him, without breaking the kiss. Your hips moved against his and you could feel his erection already pressing against his sweatpants.

"Sigurd said you couldn't have sex" you raised an eyebrow

"Sigurd is a fucking idiot" he rolled his eyes, grinding against you, as a way of showing you he definitely could "He's jealous because he knows that even if I couldn't fuck, I'd be better than him"

You giggled, amused, and leant to kiss him again. Ivar's hands travelled under your shirt and you moaned as he reached your breasts, caressing your skin softly.

"Let me take this off" he nearly begged you, whispering into your ear, and his tone made you whimper.

You took the shirt off and tossed it aside, suddenly feeling self-conscious and trying to hide yourself from him. His expression softened, knowing very well the feeling. Ivar, with a softness on his eyes that you didn't know he could show, put your arms away gently, sitting to start kissing your neck and chest softly.

"It's okay" he muttered "You're beautiful, Y/N, you should know that"

"I'm not that sure" you smiled as he raised his head to look at you "But thanks"

"Then I'll tell you until you're sure" Ivar shrugged.

Your smile widened and you kissed him again, it was like you couldn't get enough of him. His hands caressed your thighs and then his fingers reached the edge of your pajama shorts. Your gasped when he reached your sex, and moaned when Ivar caressed it over your panties, moving your hips to encourage him to continue.

Ivar was already panting. His mouth felt dry and he had to lick his lips constantly. He let out a groan when he felt how wet you were already, and the fact that it was because of him made him smirk against the skin of your shoulder, putting your underwear aside and pressing onto your clit. You whimpered and your hands grabbed his neck and his arm.

Ivar's fingers teased your entrance, you moaned and bit your lip, gasping when he pushed one finger inside you, moving it slowly in and out before adding another one. Then he curled them inside you, making you moan louder than before, immediately covering your mouth with your hand.

"Don't" he frowned.

"But... Hvitserk and Thora..."

"Fuck them, they're not especially silent, are they?"

You giggled, but nodded as he kissed your neck again, his lips traveling down your chest until he reached your breasts. The feeling of his fingers thrusting into you, with the palm of his hand brushing your clit and his lips on your breasts was too much, and soon you felt that familiar knot on your lower belly, tightening quickly as you moved against him, moaning. Your legs were shaking around him and he groaned, raising his head to bite your earlobe.

"Come on, love, cum for me now"

It seemed that the last thing your body needed was to hear his voice whispering on your ear. You came with a small scream, moaning his name and panting. Ivar looked quite proud of himself when he retrieved his fingers, licking them with his eyes fixed on yours.

Another kiss. He was so addictive it worried you, would you be able to spend a single minute next to him without kissing him? You only broke the kiss to take your shorts and panties off. Ivar only pulled his sweatpants down enough for him to free his cock. You didn't ask him to fully undress, instead you grabbed his face and kissed him as he pressed his erection against your entrance.

"Slowly, please" you muttered "It's been a while and I think you're a bit bigger than the vibrator"

Ivar said nothing, just smirked and pressed his forehead against yours. He thrusted into you slowly, moaning softly as you whimpered in pain.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked, his eyes showed true concern as you smiled and kissed his lips.

"It's okay, don't stop please"

It didn't take long for the pain to fade. This time you moaned in pleasure, and started moving against him. You pushed him so he'd lay down, putting your hands on his chest as you moved your hips up and down. Ivar bit his lip, narrowing his eyes and gripping your waist so hard you were sure he'd leave marks.

Your nails dig on his tattooed chest as you felt your orgasm approaching, and Ivar moaned your name as your walls clenched around him. He moved his hand to your clit and circled it, making you moan even louder, your legs trembled again and your movements faltered a bit. Ivar kept thrusting into you until you moaned his name one last time before letting yourself go. He came just after you, biting his lip and muttering your name.

Laying down over him, you kissed his lips one last time as his arms circled your waist. The both of you stayed in silence, enjoying each other's touch and soft breathing, until Ivar turned his head to look at you and smirked.

"Next time, can we use the vibrator too?"

_____________________________________

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @thevikingsheaux @therealcalicali @chimera4plums @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @gruffle1 @justacripple @love-dria @heartbeats-wildly @letsrunawaytotomorrow @inforapound @sallydelys @hellogabysblog @winchesterwife27 @hecohansen31 @youbloodymadgenius @xinyourdreamsx @funmadnessandbadassvikings @eteramfools @tgrrose @flokidottirsstuff @lovessce @tootie-fruity @didiintheblog @alexhandersenx @belovedcherry @fantasydevil2002

I hope I didn’t forget anyone💞 thank you for reading!

#ivar imagine #ivar the boneless #modern ivar #ivar x reader #ivar smut #vikings #vikings imagine #modern vikings

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seoulnotes · 4 years ago

Text

An Endless Summer — jjk

S Y N O P S I S | Jeon Jungkook decided to road trip across Europe—with the money his father had sent him overseas with so he could fix his act. Then maybe, might have picked up a lost and penniless girl at a gas station in London and proceeded to road trip with her across Europe cause why the heck not?

P A I R I N G | Jeon Jungkook, reader (y/n)

G E N R E | fluff, some angst (minuscule), romance, inexplicit ~smut~ (smut nonetheless, you’ve been warned) — road trip au ; NC-17

W A R N I N G S | mild cursing

W O R D C O U N T | 19.7k (aka, the longest one ever)

Seoul, South Korea

Jeon Jungkook would've played the perfect part for a drama. He would've set a flawless example of a rich, young heir gone wild if it hadn’t been such a negative title.

Jungkook was the type of man to live life by the second and enjoy every last drop of it. There were no such things as planning ahead for him, not even a week ahead. He partied till he saw the sun barely peeking over the horizon, drank as much alcohol his system could handle, at least before blacking out, and threw money around like it was pocket change. Hell, a couple hundred thousand won to him was pocket change.

Sure, he had his few flings here and there, but it was never too deep. Who would want to be tied down at such a young age?

And oh boy, did the media love to eat this all up before spitting it back out for the rest of the world to see in the worst form possible. The headlines would’ve been enough to give his parents a headache, not to mention nearly stopping his father’s heart every time he saw a new “scandal” involving his son.

Heir Jeon Jungkook with a mysterious woman? –He had been offering to buy her a drink. In fact, she had even rejected his offer for the drink that night. The photo was caught just as he slid the drink to her.

Jeon Jungkook, heir to Jeon Empire, in a bar fight?! –Okay, maybe a few punches were thrown. ‘But the asshole had it coming the moment he threw that insult at me,’ was what Jungkook explained it to his father as. That prompted a cut to one of his credit cards.

You'd think after that, Jungkook would take things down a couple notches. In fact, it was the complete opposite when he decided to take it up a few notches.

The list could’ve gone on with plenty more articles. Sure, he messed around a lot, but he wasn’t as bad as the media portrayed him as. It was clearly exaggerated. Yet, the lifestyle he lived wasn't ideal, at least not the one his father wanted him living in the public eye.

Jungkook liked to call it: simply living it up before he gets tied down to the company.

On the other hand, his father liked to call it: he’s completely out of his mind and needs to fix his act immediately.

And that is exactly why Jungkook is now sitting on the top floor CEO office of the main building of Jeon Empires with his father pacing before him while he, himself, was sitting with a foot casually resting over his knee as he leaned back into the leather seat.

“Jeon Jungkook, when are you going to get your act together?” Another exasperated sigh as the man’s hand went to his temples as if a quick massage would relieve his headache.

The question had Jungkook bringing up a hand to brush his hair back in annoyance. He rolled his eyes, surely his father wouldn’t catch it, or he would be sitting in deeper shit than he was now. Although this retort wasn't any better: “I haven’t done anything! The media blows everything out of proportion!”

The disrespectful tone laced in his tone had his father rubbing a hand down his face with another sigh. Jungkook had pushed his luck too far. “Get your act together. Go home, pack your bags, you’re going overseas to finish the summer and university before returning as a mature young man.”

The words caused Jungkook to perk up in his chair. “I am mature,” he retorted.

Personal grave dug? Check.

“You are not. You are acting like a boy, a child,” his father reached towards the desk behind him and picked up the pile of paper sitting on it. In one swift movement, the pile was dumped on the coffee table in front of Jungkook, spreading out messily for him to see the titles in all their glory.

Those damn articles.

“You are dismissed,” his father’s back was turned to him and all Jungkook could do was stand up, bow promptly, and leave the room. “Your mother will see to it you are packed and ready to leave in two days. I will not be there for your departure.”

It took all Jungkook had in him to not slam the door on the way out. The rage seeping through him almost had him blow a red light on the way home. He had barely managed to stop behind the line for pedestrians leaving a screeching sound in its wake. A sigh left his lips before he hit the wheel with his enclosed fist.

“What the fuck.”

–

And here he was, two days later, standing in the midst of a crowded airport as people buzzed around to make it to their flight while Jungkook wanted to do nothing more than walk as slowly as possible. Like hell, he didn’t even want to board his flight.

“Jungkook-ah,” his mother pulled him into a tight hug before running her hand in circles on his back. “I'll try to talk to your father and ask him to let you come home early.” She gave him a soft smile. She was always by his side to fill the void his father left behind. Though even at times, she scolded him for his reckless behavior, she saw the youth bloom in her son. He wanted to live it, not spend it being tied down to the title of “heir”. He was only twenty-two at the end of the day. “Just try to be a bit more responsible, hm? It's not always best to act irrationally.”

He knew what she had meant. She wanted him to be more mature; to think about the image of his family and company before taking any damaging actions.

The request she tagged on didn’t sit well with Jungkook, but he knew better. This farewell meant it would be a while before he would see his mother again. He nodded, complying with her request. “I'll try.”

“Goodbye, Jungkook-ah,” she patted his back once more before pulling away.

It was a bittersweet goodbye. He walked through those gates not knowing when he would step foot in Korea again. He turned to wave goodbye at his mother before stepping passed to security.

–

“I'm sorry sir, you can't be here.” The woman politely refused as she handed him back his ticket.

This entire trip wasn't going to be well for him. Security was the worst, of course. Now he was being refused into the first-class lounge. “Why not?” The irritation was clear in his voice as he gripped the ticket in hand.

“Sir, your ticket isn’t for first class.” Although she, herself, had slightly questioned the class he was taking judging by the attire the young man had worn. The Rolex watch that peeked through the folded sleeve of his shirt, a white dress shirt, with the first few buttons undone casually, the duffle bag he carried with the Saint Laurent brand name stitched across the leather in their signature ‘YSL’; why was he sitting in economy?

When checking his plane ticket once again, his eyes nearly bulged from their sockets and his jaw dropped wide open.

Economy class. The words were laid on the ticket in clear print. He had known his father to cruelly force him to take an airplane instead of one of the jets they owned, but he had at least expected first class.

It took all the self-control he could muster to not rip up the plane ticket and demand his father for a new one, one for first class.

“Excuse me, one second,” he gave the woman a brief and forced smile, one that meant he was trying his best to remain a decent composed human. He turned around quickly, reaching in his pocket to grab his phone. It was the first number on speed dial.

“Hello, this is Mr. Jeon speaking,” a casual voice answered. If Jungkook wasn't in such a dire situation, he would've noticed his father had switched phones again, and forgot to put his own son as a contact.

“Father, why (the fuck) am I flying in economy?” Jungkook seethed into the phone. He had considered adding the colorful language in the question but made the wise decision not to.

“Why would you need first class?” There was a certain tone behind the man’s opposition; his voice had a certain questionable edge. He was pushing Jungkook on edge as a threat; a threat to keep him in check because if he wasn't, things like this could be regular for him.

“Get me a first-class ticket. I won't be flying in economy,” the last part was seethed in a whisper as he clutched onto the phone.

“Goodbye Jungkook and enjoy your flight,” and with that, his father ended the call. He just ended the first battle and held the flag of victory while Jungkook was forced into a retreat.

His phone rang with a message:

[12:45 PM] Father: You will be taking economy class to the states and making sure it is that flight. If you do not leave on that flight, I will cut all your cards.

Jungkook rolled his eyes at the message almost sure his father wouldn't do that to him. Surely, the next message was enough to end his rebellious thoughts.

His phone rang:

[12:46 PM] Father: Do not doubt me. I will cut them this minute if needed.

Jungkook almost chucked his phone, almost. It only remained in his tight grasp. The phone had a bigger chance of breaking from the pressure of his grip rather than from him throwing it. He shoved his phone in his pocket as he not-so-happily checked the ticket again and made his way to his actual gate, the economy class gate.

For about twelve hours in his flight to London for a layover, Jungkook pitied himself the most on the entire planet. He sat, stuffed in that tiny uncomfortable seat of economy, with whatever asshole wouldn’t stop stretching their legs to hit his seat and an old lady who swore she needed extra arm space so she could read her newspaper, for twelve-fucking-hours.

On the bright side, his father was decent enough to book him a window seat.

The moment Jungkook stepped off the plane, he ran to the nearest ATM to check his credit cards. A sigh of relief passed his lips to realize they were left untouched as his father had promised.

As his mind drifted to the limit on his cards, a plan began forming and slowly, but surely, he found himself at one of those currency exchange booths with a slight smirk forming on his lips.

His father wanted to play hard, but Jungkook wasn't going to be so easily contained.

“Can I get in cash the maximum limit for these?” His English lessons had paid off well when the words came fluently from him. The man behind the booth looked confused as Jungkook pulled the four credit cards from their respective pockets in his wallet.

His cards each had a maximum limit of twenty million won. That amounted to eighty million won in cash and about sixty thousand some Euros. The man looked at Jungkook as if he had just grown three heads in front of him before slowly wiping the expression from his face and pointed toward the ATM again.

“I do not think that is possible here. You can withdraw cash from an ATM if needed. It will be in Euros.”

“Thank you!”

That is how Jungkook ended up with as much money as the ATM had for him to withdraw in a stack sitting with the other stack of cash his father gave him for “safety” in his duffle. He managed to withdraw barely one-fifth of a card. With time on his hands, he skipped about the airport and withdrew the rest of the card bit by bit until he had reached barely his maximum. The others he’ll manage somehow, but it had to be fast before his father found out.

“Can I exchange this?” He was back at the currency exchange booth with the cash his father had given him. The man’s expression was horrified as the stack was dumped on the counter. It remained the same as he counted the Euros in exchange for the cash and handed them over to Jungkook. “Perfect. Thank you,” he placed the money in his duffle. His luggage was sitting in baggage claim by the time he arrived. As he towed his suitcase, he planned his next move.

The plan was simple.

Transfer as much money as he could from his cards to Euros for back up.

Use the cards until his father finds out he isn't in the states.

The backup money will be used; £60,000 some would be enough.

Rent a car, a nice one, and road trip in Europe. (Thank god the border crossings would be no big deal.)

Enjoy his time for the rest of the summer before returning to Korea for the consequences.

Oh, would Mr. Jeon be so delighted to find out his son is running around in Europe instead of being in the states preparing for another year in University.

Turns out renting a car was tougher than he had thought. As he planned to cross borders, a nice car wasn't an option. That was until he waved an extra couple thousand to convince them for a nice Range Rover.

Jungkook hadn't established where he wanted to go so his first night was spent devising the cities he wanted to visit.

He had three months, let's make it worth it.

London, the United Kingdom

Jungkook soaked in all he could of the nice hotel room because he knew sooner or later, his card would be cut. He had known he wanted to explore the city at least for a bit so he left his luggage at the room and drove off into the city.

The weather was nice to greet him with rain the moment he had arrived. His luck also ran perfect when a beeping sound told him that the tank was almost empty. Great, what company rents cars without giving at least half a tank nonetheless an empty tank.

So, his first outing in London was spent at a gas station, in the rain.

That's where you first met him. In front of a gas station. In the rain.

Jungkook had paid for the gas and was stopped short at the entrance of the gas station by the heavy rain. It wasn't this heavy when he was just in his car. He ran inside the station to see if he could buy an umbrella. Just his luck, he also stopped at one of the farther pumps.

He saw you soaked in the front of the shop and held the open umbrella over your head.

“If this is your way of trying to pick me up for the night, it isn't going to work,” the faint familiar accent in your English had his ears perk up.

“I wasn't trying to pick you up for the night,” he responded in Korean. “It's called being nice,” the rest in English.

Your jaw dropped when you heard the familiar language. Suddenly you felt more secure having heard your native tongue. “You're Korean? You speak Korean?”

“No, I do not,” he responded back in Korean, the sarcasm thick in his voice. He was still holding the umbrella over the both of you, although it was barely enough to cover you both. The backpack on you were carrying was soaked as well as your shoulder from the one-person umbrella. “Are you a local?”

“Far from it.”

“Then what are you doing here? It's a long way from home.” He had no idea why he suddenly took interest in sparking up a conversation with a stranger at a gas station.

“I could ask you the same.” You finally lifted your head and took a look at the stranger who was shielding you from the rain.

“Didn’t answer my question.”

You scoffed and kicked at the cement. “I’m not about to explain my whole reason being here to a complete stranger.”

A hand stuck in front of you. “I’m Jungkook. Not a stranger, now am I?” He gave you a humorous smile.

And for some strange unknown reason, you grabbed his hand and shook it with a small smile. Then for an even stranger unknown reason, you said, “I’m y/n and I guess not.”

Jungkook stood staring at you with the same interest in his eyes. He was waiting.

You sighed, “You wouldn’t want to hear my story anyway. It's long and way too overly boring.” You crossed your arms and watched as the rain continued to fall. The sound of rain hitting the concrete filled the air as you both stayed silent.

“Lucky for you, I have nothing but time on my hands and how boring the story is, is up for interpretation of the listener, isn’t it?” His smile was nice and made you suddenly want to trust the complete stranger. Perhaps it was his easy charming appearance and curious doe eyes or the comfort of hearing the language of your home.

So that ended up being the time you spilled your entire life story to a random stranger who was nice enough to hold an umbrella for a good half hour in the rain for you.

You always wanted to travel and thought for a split second, dropping everything and taking all the money you had with you to a foreign country would be the best idea. You'd only realized how dumb your plan was when you were locked up on an airplane for eleven hours headed to Europe. It wasn't your biggest mistake actually. The city was beautiful, breathtaking even. It had filled your wanderlust so amazingly. Unfortunately, some cab drivers weren't the nicest upon hearing your foreign accent and decided upon themselves to scam you of your money, especially the last cab you took.

Now here you were, lost and having close to no money, practically penniless, at a gas station in London.

“I thought it was a good idea, to be honest, but look where it got me.” You sighed, it felt like the millionth sigh that left your lips ever since you’ve arrived at this city. It hadn't even been a few days in the foreign city before you had been scammed of so much money. You couldn't even afford a plane ticket back, not like you had even planned to from the beginning.

“Look, it stopped raining.” Jungkook shook the umbrella in front of you slightly before shutting it.

Great, your story had been so long that the rain had stopped. “Sorry about that,” you felt your cheeks heat slightly. The embarrassment was evident; you'd taken too long to explain your story to a stranger.

“Come with me. You can stay with me at my hotel until we fix this.” It was an offer.

“We? This isn't your problem, don't worry yourself. I wasn’t looking for sympathy when I told you what happened.” You let out a laugh at his statement while shaking your head. The after-rain smell began to seep into the air.

“Come on. Just one night. I won't make any moves, I promise,” he held his hands up and you chuckled slightly.

You felt a mutual trust for an odd reason and nodded. Maybe it was because he spoke Korean that gave you the trust. You fished for reasons to accept his offer and that was the only reasonable one. Besides, you didn’t really have anywhere to go. “Okay.”

He took the small suitcase from you and put it in the trunk.

“You're not going to try and rob me of all my money, right?” He joked as you approached the passenger side of the car.

“Of course, I definitely am,” you didn't know whether your response with a joke was appropriate. Your worries settled when you heard a chuckle from his side of the car as he opened the fuel door of the car.

“Thank you,” you let out quietly. You weren’t sure if he heard as you opened the passenger side and sat down.

“You’re welcome.” It came just as you shut the door.

–

“Welcome to my humble abode,” Jungkook brought his hands up to the space of the room. The view almost had you floored.

“Are you a millionaire or something?” You sped towards the window before pressing your face against it to get a better look at the city below. The traffic bustled below as people filled the streets in search of a fun night. The nightlife of the city was bright and busy. Looking into the distance of the old city, the buildings were lit up among the Thames and above the buildings, stars lived and shined in the night sky.

“Just have some money saved up and decided to splurge on this trip,” he shrugged as he sat on the couch, pulling his arms behind his head. “You can sleep on the bed if you want. I’ll take the couch.”

Jungkook had no idea what compelled him to hide the fact that it wasn’t just some money saved up. He figured it wasn’t important and definitely not a situation where he needed to be giving any elaborate answers. Nevertheless, it didn’t seem like the right thing to do. You had indeed told him your circumstances.

As tempting as the offer sounded, you still questioned, “Are you sure? I mean, it’s your room, not mine. The couch is good enough.”

“Well, if you insist,” he jumped onto the bed before stretching his legs out with a wide smile. The sudden action almost had your jaw drop, but it was already shown by your wide eyes. A chuckle slipped from him before he sat up. “I’m just joking. You look like you actually need to sleep. Take the bed.” The tone in his voice meant he wasn't joking.

You smiled sheepishly before dropping your bag on the floor. “Why are you trusting me? I'm a complete stranger.” You could ask yourself the same question about him.

He shrugged before shooting you another smile. “You seem like someone worth trusting.”

Silence settled in the room and you finally took notice of the stranger that offered kindness and light to your shitty situation. I mean besides the stolen glances you took at his side profile on the drive to the hotel. From that, you concurred he was deadly handsome–deadly. This time you notice his bright smile close resemblance to a bunny and how his eyes also carry the same feeling when he smiled.

Then you realized that you were staring for too long and words fell from your lips quickly to cover the silence. “Thank you again, by the way,” you said, as you took a seat at the edge of the mattress. “I'll leave by tomorrow.”

“No problem and you can stay longer if you need,” another smile. You were sure so many people could fall for his easy and kind personality.

You nodded your head in appreciation. But you weren’t going to stay.

The night went by easily. He ordered room service for both of you making you wonder how much he had exactly saved up to be spending money like this in Euros, especially if they had been exchanged from wons.

You did end up sleeping in the bed like he had told you to because, by the end of the meal, he was ready to lay onto the couch with his phone in hand. You kneeled by the couch and unzipped your suitcase, picking up a t-shirt and shorts.

“I’ll go take a shower?” You felt as if you were asking permission. Well, you kind of were. It was still his hotel room and you were still the one intruding. Your thump was aimed towards the bathroom.

“Okay,” his eyes never left his phone.

You closed the door behind you and took a deep breath. You really had accepted help from a stranger, and you were in his hotel room. You still wondered if you’d taken the best choice because right now, something about this whole situation screamed stupid to you.

The thought never quite left your mind as you drenched yourself in the hot water, working out the knots in your body. You arrived in the main room with a towel on your neck as you worked to dry your hair.

“Night,” Jungkook reached over to turn the light off in the room. Only the lamp on the nightstand remained on.

You laid underneath the sheets with the will to fight the oncoming sleep as much as possible. Sleeping with your hair wet wasn’t a good thing, but it was nearly impossible when your body grew warm underneath the sheets. Fighting the weight on your eyelids became mission impossible when you fell into the arms of sleep.

–

You were awakened by the smell of breakfast and woke up to Jungkook drinking coffee and a bag of McDonald’s breakfast on the coffee table. He promptly reminded you breakfast was the most important meal of the day before shoving the paper bag your way, even when you refused.

You almost choked on a piece of the heavenly hash brown when Jungkook suggested—

“Come with me.” The statement was promptly followed by your coughing.

“I’m sorry, what?” You patted on your chest in an attempt to help the coughing. Jungkook chuckled and handed you a bottle of water.

“Come on the rest of the trip with me,” he shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “You want to travel right? So, come with me.” He took another sip of his coffee casually as if his offer was nothing. Your eyes grew wide.

He did know that you’d just met yesterday right? That even if you had joined him, you were broke and there was no way you could pay for gas, food, nonetheless, half of a hotel room.

“That’s not possible.” You said whilst shaking your head.

“Why not?”

“First, we literally just met and are practically strangers. Second, with what money? Did you forget the part where I said I don’t have any?”

Jungkook smiled in amusement before countering back, “First, I thought we went over this yesterday. We’re not strangers, we know each other’s names. Second, with the money I have. There’s enough for this trip and my plus one, who will be you.” He had stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

Your jaw nearly dropped. He was offering to pay for your dream trip, but you weren’t that type of person. It wasn’t right. “Well, I can’t just leech off of you so no.”

“Consider it a gift.”

“No,” your answer would never change. Not in a million years. You sat back and crossed your arms with a look telling him you wouldn’t change your mind.

“Fine,” the smile washed from his face slightly. “I’m going to be staying here for a few more days while I sort out some stuff so stay with me for these days and then tell me your final answer.” He said it as if there was no option for you to decide.

As it turned out, there was absolutely no room for you to decide. Even when you had remained headstrong on not staying with him and spending his money, you lost in the end. Jungkook stood up, fists in the air with a victorious smile when you silenced yourself. There was never room to win from the beginning.

“Only these couple of days and you can leave and be on your way to wherever you’re going next,” you pointed a finger at him. You didn’t know why you agreed, you just did.

“You tell me your answer when these couple days are over. Now, let’s get going,” he hopped up from his spot on the couch, tucking his phone into his pocket.

“Where?” You stood up quickly and paused as you remembered the clothes you had on.

Jungkook paused and brought a hand up to raise a pair of sunglasses to his head. “The bank. I need to sort out something. Go wash up first,” he gave you a cheeky smile as he glanced at your state.

Honestly, you knew you looked like hell. After sleeping in a nice bed for the first time since you've landed here, your hair was in a knotted mess atop your head.

“I'll be out in ten,” you grabbed the bag of toiletries from your suitcase and headed towards the bathroom.

–

“It took longer than ten minutes. Do you know how long you kept me waiting dying to explore the city?” You heard a hint of humor in his voice. He slipped the sunglasses down the rim of his nose and he stared at you with a funny face and brows raised.

“How long?”

“Eleven minutes. One minute longer than you said,” he pointed an accusatory finger in your direction after tapping his imaginary watch.

“Oh hush,” you gave him a light shove on his shoulder.

His lips split into a grin as he led you from the room, closing the door behind him. “One minute we could be spending doing something exciting!” He shouted behind him.

The hotel lobby was buzzing with people, excited to dive into the city and you two were a part of the madness as Jungkook grabbed your arm and began tugging you towards the door.

He seemed even more excited to enter the city than you. You noticed the huge grin on his face as he raced towards the front door. You stumbled a few steps from his pace. “Someone seems excited,” you commented with a laugh.

The day consisted of Jungkook driving to various banks across the city and a stream of sorrys and ‘I’ll be back in a few, I promise’ coming from him whenever you arrived at a new bank. You couldn’t be upset though because driving across the city meant you could see everything. No, you weren’t exploring, but you were still amazed with wide eyes watching every place you passed by. It was a preview of what was to come when you would actually go out and explore the city.

It did end up taking up the entire day, but as night fell, Jungkook parked his car in an unfamiliar parking lot. The building in front of the parking lot had lights hanging in the front, stringing across the entrance of the restaurant.

“Where are we?” You asked, but Jungkook only got out from his side and approached yours before you’d realized the situation. His hand pulling open the car door.

“My apology for dragging you around the city today: dinner under the stars,” he bowed his head slightly and held his hand out to which you took. “Well, not exactly under the stars, but it’s outdoors so I guess it counts, right?”

You couldn’t help the laugh that fell from your lips as you allowed him to guide you towards the restaurant.

You ended up with a table outside next to the restaurant walls adorned with twinkling lights streamed along the walls.

“A date?” You didn’t know what compelled you to speak exactly what was on your mind without a second thought, but you cursed yourself under your breath the moment you registered what you asked. It was meant to be a joke, but you realized how bad it sounded when it actually left your lips.

“Only if you want it to be,” Jungkook answered smoothly, pulling out a chair, waiting for you to sit.

You took the chair with that dumb smile on your lips because yes, Jungkook had managed to respond to your comment in the best way possible.

As you both began to skim the menu, the waiter appeared asking for what drinks you’d like. You promptly responded with water while Jungkook asked for a Coke.

“Jungkook, I would have been more than excited if we went to some convenient store to get sandwiches. This place is way too expensive.” He already knew you barely had money, yet he decided to bring you to a restaurant where a Coke costs nearly £4.

“I said it was my apology to you. Therefore, I am paying.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to order much more than a soup and salad combo while Jungkook didn’t hold himself back and ordered a 20-ounce steak.

Really, you were fine with what you had. Jungkook, on the other hand, was not and he had a permanent pout on his face when the server returned with your meal.

“I’m going to be paying for the rest of the trip anyway, so get used to it,” he stuck a piece of steak in his mouth. “I don’t want to see another little bowl of that green stuff again,” he added with a feigned face of disgust as he pointed to your plate.

“Who said I was going on this trip with you? Besides, I can’t use your money like this,” you responded quickly, reminded of the backpack he kept with him while going to all the banks.

“It’s an inheritance from...,” he paused, “my grandfather.”

You left it there not wanting to question why he suddenly had the amount of money. You were still holding your ground on not allowing him to pay; you still had some money, you weren’t completely broke.

You couldn’t even fight to try and pay the bill when the meal was over. Jungkook slipped away to the “bathroom” while you waited for him.

“The bathroom, huh?” You noted while you both walked out of the restaurant.

“I did go!” His hands rose in defense. “I just also happened to pass by the waiter on the way back,” his sentence laced with his sly tone as he smiled widely.

Jungkook still jumped in front of you, quick to open the car door and you didn’t know what to do when he continued to be so damn charming.

–

Admittedly, you never had that amount of fun in your entire life as you did during the week you spent with Jungkook in London. You both did the usual touristy things that everyone did visiting the attractions the city had to offer. Those included visiting the infamous Big Ben, Tower Bridge, and the London Eye.

Yet, out of all the activities the city had to offer to sedate your wanderlust, your favorite was honestly spending late nights chatting at the cafe a block from your hotel that opened late hours with a cup of coffee. Those you did not let Jungkook pay for.

You learned a lot about him in those late-night chats. You learned that he loved to sing and prompted him to sing you a chorus of his favorite song and after constantly bringing it up a few nights in a row, he finally did. He gracefully sang out the chorus of an old favorite and you didn’t know he could become more charming until the first note was sung. You also noticed the way his eyes lit up in a way they never did before while he wasn’t singing as if singing lit up a spark inside him.

You learned he was a big gamer. That when he wasn’t out and about, he could be tied down to his dual-screened desktop, gaming hours on end.

On the same night, Jungkook learned that you sucked at gaming to which he playfully frowned at you. You told him your aim sucked and when you teamed with your other friends, they would always have to carry your ass through the round while you missed every shot you fired at the enemy. That elicited a howling laugh from him and he claimed he had to make you better in the future.

You learned that he became independent at a young age with his father tied to his work. He didn’t easily share his life with others because of the detachment he had. He commented shortly, you were the first person to which he had told that side of him to. He didn’t discuss more than that and you knew not to ask about more than what you were told.

You told him how you were the oldest and your parents relied on you to help your younger siblings when they focused on working. You told him about how you learned to cook and do chores at a young age so you could take better care of your siblings; how you wrote out almost every check from your parents’ accounts to pay for the bills. You told him briefly that when you became legal and decided to travel with money you had saved, your parents disapproved of your plans and no one saw you off at the airport.

Tonight would be his last night in this city before traveling to another. You still didn’t know what you would do after.

“My offer still stands.” He mentioned this every night.

Your brows crinkled in confusion. “I can’t just use you like that and I still can’t comprehend why you would offer something like that to me.”

“y/n, I promise you money is not an issue to me. You aren’t using me if I offer it openly, right?” The corner of his lips tugged into a small smile.

You shook your head lightly. “It just doesn’t feel right.”

Regardless of how much you wanted to take this once in a lifetime offer, it really did not feel right. You stared at the coffee mug between your hands.

“How about I professionally hire you to take photos for me on this trip? Come on, I snuck a glance at your wallpaper. If you take photos like that, it’s worth it,” he suggested.

That was a lie. You only had your phone to take photos, photographer my ass.

At that moment, you got that random feeling of why the hell not and you felt something shift inside you as you mumbled a quiet, “Okay.”

Jungkook’s smile grew as he teasingly responded, “Hm?”

“Okay, I’ll go with you, exclusively as your photographer.” He was grinning from ear to ear. “But you’re going to sleep in the bed tonight. I don’t want a sleep-deprived driver tomorrow.”

And that is how you ended up agreeing to travel around Europe with Jungkook.

—

London en route to Amsterdam

You both woke up the next morning having no idea where the hell to go next. After hours of debate, you managed to roughly mark out destination cities to visit in the next eight weeks leaving a week for each to spend at to explore.

Your plan was to head to Amsterdam first.

—

“You know, I don’t even know your last name, but I decided to travel with you for three months,” you threw out randomly. Your eyes were focused on the passing cars outside of the window.

“Jeon,” he answered simply. You turned your attention back to him, his eyes trained on the road ahead of him and you found yourself staring maybe just a little bit with your chin on your hand.

“So Jeon Jungkook,” your fingers tapped your chin as if in thought. “I think I like the sound of your full name better, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Now it wouldn’t be fair for me to tell you mine and you, not yours.” Not a moment went by when he didn’t want to make the situation light-hearted. His eyes flickered to you for a moment and you shifted your sight somewhere else.

“Mr. Jeon, my last name is y/l/n.” You emphasized his name.

“So, Miss y/l/n,” he mocked in the same tone and the blinker in the car turned on as he changed the lane as per the GPS’s directions. The car was silent again except for the low music playing.

Jungkook began to hum to the song, eventually singing softly and you felt at peace listening to his voice and watching as the landscape changed from cement walls to trees. It was just enough for your eyelids to begin to feel heavy.

Amsterdam, the Netherlands

One pit stop for a few hours and a ton of snacks later, you arrived at a hotel in the heart of the city.

“Shit,” he muttered. The swiping of the credit card only popped up a ‘declined’ on the screen. His father had finally caught on after he’d jumped a city over. He slid the card back into the slot in his wallet. “I’ll pay in cash then,” he responded in English, a grim smile painted on his lips.

You only could stand beside him and watch the transaction. The lady behind the hotel counter almost furrowed her eyebrows. It was rare that someone would pay for a hotel room with cash, but surely, Jungkook reached into the backpack of his and pulled out the amount for the room.

You kept your surprise to yourself. No wonder, the receptionist was confused herself as you watched Jungkook hand over nearly fifteen hundred Euros in cash.

In less than half an hour, you two were making your way to the room, keycard in Jungkook’s hand. The front lock beeped as Jungkook opened the door pulling his suitcase behind him, and held the door open for you to pass through as well.

“Thanks,” you gave a small grateful smile as you rolled your suitcase into the room.

“How ‘bout that?” Jungkook grinned, his free hand gesturing to the two full-sized beds in the main space of the room.

“I would have been fine with a pull out sofa or something,” basically, you didn’t have to book a room with two beds. You remembered how Jungkook specifically left the last hotel that claimed all their rooms with two beds had been booked.

Jungkook only waved away your statement. It would be back and forth again if Jungkook responded. He only laid down dramatically on one of the beds, the sunglasses laying on his forehead falling back as he sighed, “So, what should we do?”

You laid your suitcase down next to the bed adjacent to the one he claimed and threw down your backpack and mirrored his actions. Although you didn’t drive, you had to admit that a seven-hour drive with minimal stops was tiring. After all, you had given yourself the self-proclaimed job of GPS assistant, keeping your eyes on the device and road to make sure Jungkook was going the right way.

A brief silence passed.

A rustle sounded from beside you. You turned your head to the now sitting up Jungkook as he glanced at his watch. “It’s pretty late. Wanna grab dinner and call it a night?” His eyes flitted to you.

“Sounds like a plan,” you rose slowly from the bed. From outside the balcony, a streak of lightning flashed across the hues of the sunset. You admitted internally it was something to behold your eyes… that was until the rumbling thunder followed, and the rain began pouring.

Then Jungkook’s phone cried bloody murder warning of the flash flood warning.

“Room service?” He glanced at you sheepishly.

–

The rain did not let up for the rest of the evening and not for the next day as you both realized when you checked the weather app. However, the weather was nothing compared to your thirst to explore the city waiting outside your hotel room.

Unfortunately, the dull scenery forced your plans to be mostly indoors unlike your ideas of exploring the outdoors with all of Amsterdam’s beautiful bridges, canals, and row houses along with them.

After exploring a few museums including the Van Gogh museum, you had both found yourselves at another cafe just as the sun began to set.

“I guess the cafe rituals at night will continue,” Jungkook pulled a chair out for you.

“I guess it does, but to be fair, I wanted to try the to-die-for desserts they have,” you responded.

That’s how with a simple cup of hot tea, you both spent the following two nights with a different Dutch dessert, talking until the moon was high in the sky, and you both felt tired to the point where it became easy to just mumble out a conversation.

You both became stars drunk on the moonlight.

–

You manage to fill nearly a hundred photos on your phone with all your eyes could catch in the week. Yes, they were almost half of the beautiful bridges, canals, and row houses. Even a simple thing such as a ride on the subway caught your eye enough to snap an Instagram worthy photo.

Your last was deemed as a relaxing day, a less touristy day. You both headed to the Albert Cuypmarkt, a popular street market in the city. Your interest was piqued at the numerous amounts and variety of items the market had to offer. In the middle of the street, your eyes fell onto the most wonderful flower stall. The stall itself nearly grew to life with the vibrant rainbow assortment of flowers.

You didn’t even know your own feet had been gravitating towards the stall. You paused to take a photo, and the owner immediately began to offer flowers your way which you had politely refused.

“Pick your favorite ones,” Jungkook spoke beside you.

“I can’t,” you were conjuring a way to refuse his offer.

“Go ahead, my treat.”

You were beginning to dislike the two words, ‘my treat’. You felt guilt every time he offered anything to be his treat because everything basically was.

You shook your head, glancing at the vibrant bundle of various colored tulips. “We’re leaving tomorrow anyway, where would we put them?”

The stall owner stepped towards Jungkook with the various colored tulips and whispered something to him before handing him the tulips. Before you could interfere, Jungkook had handed over money.

“Thank you,” he smiled brightly, hand outstretched to shake the stall owner’s.

“Your girlfriend was looking at them!” The stall owner exclaimed happily, smiling at you.

Before you could correct his statement, Jungkook spoke. “I saw too,” he gave a wink in your direction.

You returned the smile. You were sure he responded that way for a less complicated answer, but in no way, did his response make you feel your heart speed up a few beats. Although, your mind was definitely still trying to figure out how to respond to Jungkook’s insistence to buy you whatever you laid your eyes on next time.

The stall owner continued a small conversation with Jungkook, asking if he was on a vacation and where he was from. Before long, you both had made your way from the stall further down the street.

“Ah, my arms! This is so heavy, can you hold it?” Before you could respond, the bouquet of beautiful tulips were shoved into your arms to admire. You had to admit, the Netherlands tulips were ones like you never seen before; so vibrant and colorful in your eyes.

“I told you we were going to leave. Where am I going to put them?” You couldn’t help the warm feeling in your chest. “Thank you,” your tone changed to a gentle one and you couldn’t help the smile beginning to form on your lips.

“You’re very welcome, miss y/l/n. I am very delighted you like them,” his arm swung around your shoulder, a casual gesture to him.

Although, it felt like something way more different than a casual gesture to you.

“Besides, we can just buy a book or something so you can dry the flowers or something,” he commented, his hand squeezing your shoulder lightly.

You had to shake your head a bit to retain focus on the conversation and not the weird feeling you had in your chest. “Y-yeah sounds like a plan!”

—

Amsterdam en route to Paris

You know what they say. There was never enough of McDonald’s greasy fries for a long road trip. Okay, no one really said that, but it is the truth. They hit home regardless of where in the world you were.

“So bad for you, but so freaking good!” You exclaimed with your mouth full of fries.

Jungkook reached his hand over to the bag of fast food sitting in your lap to grab a few fries of his own.

“I might have to ban you from picking our driving snacks if you decide to buy ten orders of McDonald’s french fries again,” Jungkook chuckled before tossing the fries into his mouth.

“I think I picked pretty dang good snacks,” you proclaimed, offering another fry to Jungkook.

He leaned over a bit with his mouth open. “Gotta keep both hands on the wheel,” he teased. His fingers danced on the wheel for emphasis.

You reluctantly fed him the fry. It didn’t cross your mind until after you both finished off two more containers of fries that it didn’t feel strange teasingly feeding him fries, but it sounded off to you.

“My hands are tired, you might have to risk a bit of safety to eat some fries if you want,” you placed a container of fries into the cup holder.

You swore that his bottom lip jutted out in the smallest bit of pout before he replied jokingly that you were being unfair and feeding him less so you could eat more of it.

Paris, France

The usual routine of Jungkook asking to book a room for a week after you both spent time arguing at a parking lot about which hotel to pick. You wanted the cheaper one whilst Jungkook insisted he needed a balcony and a view of the Eiffel Tower. He won.

You couldn’t wait, excitement buzzing through your veins, and barely managed to throw your suitcases into the room before your lust to explore took over.

And after a whole day of exploring, you were at another cafe as the sun set, ready to try all the desserts France had to offer.

–

“Don’t you just love it?” You brought your hands up around you and spun with a smile. “The atmosphere, the scenery, everything,” your smile grew in delight.

It would be an utter lie for Jungkook to not include you as part of the beautiful atmosphere around him. Your smile was utterly beautiful and he knew in his trip to Paris, he’d remember your face from every single moment. It was a genuine one; one that was rare for him to see in his life where everyone put on a show for their own gain.

You didn’t know about his wealth, his life, his future inheritances; maybe that’s why he never told you to begin with. It let him be different; he could be someone else without the price tag he seemingly wore every day while he was back home.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful,” and Jungkook had a small smile tugged on to his lips as he shoved his hands into his pocket and followed you. Even though there were crowds of tourists everywhere as you entered a bridge crossing over the Seine, it was still breathtaking.

You moved your way amongst the throng of people and made your way to the railing. “Take a picture for me!” You raised your hands into the air. “And you have to get the tower in the background!”

When a minute passed of you holding the pose, you turned around and grabbed the phone from his hand. A frown settled on your features. “Hey, why are these selfies of you?”

“I think I make quite the picture,” he joked. “Here, scroll further up.”

He had taken a few of you in the pose and you settled with a smile. “You’re forgiven… I guess.”

“You guess? Oh, miss y/l/n, what will I ever do without your forgiveness?” Jungkook had the same joking smile on his face, but when he stared off, you noticed the smile drained from his face.

“What’s wrong?” You reached a hand up to his arm, eyes searching the blank expression on his face. He shook out of the shock and his hand wrapped around yours.

“We’ve got to go,” he stated quickly before his hand had a firm grasp around yours, tugging you across the bridge.

“Wait, where?” You managed to stay close to him as he sped up from a speed walk to a run. That’s when you heard the chaos behind you.

“He’s right there!” A man shouted from behind you, not far back.

“Jungkook, where–,” he pulled you around a corner down a narrow alleyway. You stumbled a bit at the sudden turn. “Where are we going?” You shouted the question. You faintly heard footsteps catching up behind you.

“Why are we even running?” His grip only tightened as he continued running.

The footsteps became fainter and Jungkook turned one more corner before laying flat against the wall.

“Jungk–,” he stopped you, tugging you with him and a hand on your mouth as he shushed you and an arm around your waist. His chest pressed to your back and you craned your head ever so slightly to meet his wide eyes. His pupils were blown wide from the surprise.

At this point, you had no idea whether your heart was beating this fast because you had just ran or because you were pressed so close to Jungkook that you could feel his breathing as his chest rose and fell quickly. In one swift movement, he flipped the both of you, hand still covering your mouth and another hand on your arm.

He applied a small amount of pressure on your arm and his eyes pleaded with you to stay still. He slowly drew his gaze from you to peek over the edge of the building. You noticed his eyes soften from the previous look filled with worry and he drew a long breath before dropping his head in relief. His hand released from your mouth.

His head dropped onto your shoulder and he let out another sigh to which you definitely felt against your skin. You froze.

Within moments, he withdrew his grip from you and slid back.

You tried to push away the blush creeping onto your face and the shock. You willed yourself to forget the sudden moment of closeness and placed your hands on your hips. “What the hell was that? Why were we running? Have you done something?!” Question after question came as you filled your head with the actual situation at hand instead of your stupid heart’s fast pace. You were determined to keep those wandering thoughts away as much as possible.

He pulled at your hand, tugging you along. He wasn’t running anymore, but he was still keeping a steady, fast pace. “Come on, we can’t be here. I’ll explain later.” He tossed his head around to check over his shoulder and continued to do that every couple minutes.

“Will you please tell me what’s going on?” You yanked on his hand in frustration, making him come to a complete stop, and your grip slip from his. “Have you done something?”

A frustrated sigh left his lips and his hand brushed through his hair leaving it disheveled. “It’s complicated.” He was going to eventually tell you everything, but he didn’t know it would be so soon. He didn’t know his father would send men to find him so soon. “Please, can we go back to the hotel first?”

His eyes glanced around you both nervously in every direction possible.

It took you a few seconds to recognize the panic and plead in his eyes before nodding once.

It didn’t even take him a second before he clasped his hand in yours again and began to find his way back to the hotel.

He didn’t let go of your hand the entire way. In fact, his hand seemed only to grip yours tighter as you both weaved through crowds of people and bikers.

You ripped your hand from his grasp the moment you both stepped into the safety of your hotel room. “I followed you back, explain,” your tone was harsh and you couldn’t help your emotions from showing themselves. Your arms crossed over your chest and a permanent frown on your face.

Jungkook sighed and you heard relief, yet some anxiety laced in that sigh. He tugged his hand through his hair, pulling back, and tossed his sunglasses onto the bed.

“Jungkook, what the hell happened back there?” Your voice rose, your hands flying around you as your annoyance rose from him keeping you in the dark.

Another sigh, “Yes, they were looking for me. If they had caught me, I would have been flown back to Korea.”

“Are you a criminal or something?”

“They were my father’s men,” he answered briefly.

“What do you mean?” He was answering your questions in the most terrible way possible. You nearly had the slightest feeling that you had been staying and traveling with some mob boss’s son for nearly three weeks.

“Okay, it’s a long story and I haven’t been the most honest.”

You almost let out a scoff and retorted, ‘no shit Sherlock’, but instead, you replied, “I’ll listen to your story then.” You cautiously took a seat at your claimed bed.

Another sigh before he began to explain exactly how you both, mostly him, ended up in this position. He disclosed every single detail, how he maxed out his credit cards, managed to rent a car for three months, how he was the fucking heir to a multi-billion dollar company in Korea.

“Did you think this lie of your grandfather’s money was going to last long? I didn’t want to question it when I saw you pay for everything in cash. Or the fact that you had that bookbag with you the entire time,” your eyes glanced over the bag over his shoulders.

“Is that why you wanted to book this room in my name?” You remembered that you had agreed to it without question a few days ago.

You didn’t really want an answer from him. “I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back later,” you swung your backpack onto your right shoulder and headed for the door.

He didn’t stop you but watched your disappointed figure walk through the threshold. He didn’t go after you because it had been clear enough that you didn’t want to be followed. Jungkook threw his head down onto the bed.

You didn’t really want to say anything else to him as you allowed yourself to comprehend his situation. Surely, you were reacting with all this anger and disappointment from your point of view. You had been deceived; you didn’t even know who he was.

There was a park nearby the hotel and you spent the rest of your day there until the moon was showing herself again.

You texted Jungkook as the sun began to disappear.

[6:47 PM] y/n: No cafe tonight.

You didn’t spend every living moment together on this trip, but a meeting at a cafe when the sun set had become a ritual.

He didn’t reply.

When you finally digested what he had told you, you found yourself typing into a search engine ‘Jeon Jungkook’ and was shocked to find articles of his life in Korea. Why had you not even been curious and looked him up before?

Heir Jeon Jungkook with a mysterious woman? He chatted with a woman at a nightclub bar with a charming smile on his lips.

Jungkook, heir to Jeon Empires, rumored to be with a b-list actress? His hand on her face as he seemingly kissed her and you felt something weird brewing in your stomach.

Jeon Jungkook, heir to Jeon Empire, in a bar fight?! The blurry photos were of two men throwing punches at each other, the last photo recognizably Jungkook as he swung his fist in the direction of the other man.

Nearly all of them were so-called scandals. You couldn’t help but conclude that his open life in the media was nothing good except causing trouble and being with many, many women.

The Jungkook you knew, however, was the complete opposite. He was full of personality, a positive and bright energy you couldn’t compare to that person the media wrote about. He hadn’t made any advances towards you which made you question his player-type life before.

You couldn’t help yourself as you spent hours with your eyes glued to the phone screen reading article after article. Only when your eyes began to feel hot and tired, you stopped and contemplated whether or not you should return to the hotel room.

You had to; where else would you go?

The moment you walked through the threshold, Jungkook sat up on his bed. “y/n,” he breathed.

“Please, just give me some time,” you whispered quietly. You didn’t know how to describe the way you felt at the moment. Betrayal for pulling a lie that big? You didn’t know if your growing admiration for Jungkook was the reason the lie felt worse than it should.

Jungkook let you settle in for the night without a word. You turned over in the bed, not facing his and you heard him collapse into his bed.

You didn’t sleep much that night. You ran over and over in your head. Could you still stay with him after this?

You managed to fall asleep sometime when the sky turned lighter meaning dawn was breaking through. Maybe after getting a few hours of rest, your eyes were open again and you turned your head slightly to see Jungkook up and on his phone.

He woke up early and waited for you to wake up.

“I understand if you want to leave. I lied to you about me when you told me everything about you. I’ll get you a plane ticket back to Korea if you’d like,” he mumbled the last part quietly, his head bowing a bit lower out of shame.

“I’m not going to say that lying to me this entire time was okay, but I had some time to think. I still want some time to digest this whole situation, but we can still finish this trip if you’d like,” you offered.

Yes, lying to you about his identity wasn’t okay, but you spent the entire night considering his person as a whole rather than the title he had in Korea. This whole explanation you told yourself was even hard for you to put together.

Jeon Jungkook was the heir to a multi-billion dollar company, yes. However, the same Jeon Jungkook also helped a stranger who was broke on the streets in London. He was a kind-hearted person and you couldn’t deny that credit for him.

The same Jeon Jungkook told you about his favorite hobbies and the isolation he felt at home. That wasn’t a lie.

“Can we spend the last couple of days exploring separately?” You proposed the idea. “We hit the good spots already,” you added quickly.

Jungkook nodded quickly. As long as you still want to go finish this trip with me. For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel alone as weird as it sounded. He was used to so many people coming into his life and leaving, people he had trusted.

Friends, ones he made when he was younger, came and went when it was convenient for them, not for him. He learned to keep people at a distance in his life, especially any new friends he made.

Nannies, caretakers, they were hired to take care of him when he was young, but new ones came and went frequently. No one stayed long enough for him to remember their faces when the new one came.

His father took his mother away from him for business-related events and trips, and many there were.

When you hadn’t known he was part of this lavish lifestyle, he felt genuineness for the first time. Yet, when you knew who he was, he still felt it, and it was a foreign feeling.

“Cafe tonight?”

He was pulled from his train of thought. His eyes which had a distance glow in them were present again.

“Y-yeah,” he gave a small smile.

You gave him a small nod of confirmation.

The sky was still beginning to light slowly outside so you decided with a slight weight gone from your shoulders, you could catch just a nip of sleep.

You ended up just exploring a local market and to your surprise, Jungkook slipped money into the front pocket of your bookbag. You tried your best to spend the least, buying only a lunch for yourself and only shopped with your eyes. Even if he had revealed himself to you, you were bound to your word to not use him.

As planned, you met him at the regular cafe you two had been attending for the past half week since you both arrived in Paris.

Jungkook took it to him to wear a hoodie and sunglasses as the sun began to set. He sat at a table inside this time rather than outside.

Awaiting you at the table were two mugs of coffee and a plate with a few sweets.

“What’s with the outfit?” Although you felt an invisible divide between the two of you, you couldn’t help but comment. He was sitting inside and it was nightfall already for God’s sake.

You slid into the chair opposite of him. This meeting didn’t feel warm like all the one previous. It felt like you were meeting an acquaintance rather than the Jungkook you knew.

“Don’t really want to be noticed,” he responded briefly.

“Were you at the hotel the entire day? Are you planning on staying there for the rest of the trip?”

“Don’t really have much of a choice,” he shrugged. He had been more cheerful this morning, but his mood had shifted somewhat throughout the course of the day. The way he responded bit you cold, just slightly.

You shivered on the inside.

“I’m sure you have some questions. You couldn’t have not looked me up,” his tone was unreadable. It was like he was trying hard to be monotone and act like he didn’t care, but he couldn’t quite fake it.

“Yeah, I saw some articles,” you responded truthfully. No point in lying. You stared at the foam atop the coffee in your hand. You gravitated your hand slightly in a circle, watching the coffee swirl and the liquid to settle. Silence surely was settling itself nicely.

“Don’t you have any questions about them?”

His confidence wasn’t present because, at the end of the question, his voice faltered just slightly. He was actually afraid of what you had seen and what you could possibly conjure and conclude from those articles. After all, it wasn’t just words, but pictures, photographs of his face on them to back those words.

And he had an entire day to plant such fear in himself.

You heard the fear in his voice and you felt your heart pain for a quick second. Was he scared of your judgment?

Truth was, he was, but you just didn’t know that. Your judgment of him meant a hell lot.

“Your title doesn’t make you who you are on the inside,” you reached over the table and placed a light hand onto his chest where below his skin and bones was a beating heart. His head dropped, sight set onto your hand and where it was. “Jungkook, I’d be stupid to read articles and judge you just because of them. How can I trust the words of unreputable sources when I know you myself?” You asked softly.

It sounded weird coming from you. You’d only known him for how long? A few weeks? Merely a month?

Regardless, they somehow felt like the right words. You physically knew him for a short amount of time, yet emotionally, you knew each other for more than that. The amount you both disclosed to each other was unfathomable. It was surely not how much you disclosed to anyone else.

In that length, Jungkook lying about his family was incomparable.

Jungkook’s head rose, the corners of his lips rising slowly into a small appreciative smile.

The glow in your chest grew warmer.

–

True to your words, you had explored by yourself for the next few days. Jungkook didn’t step outside of the hotel regardless.

You came back to some room service trays either lying outside of the door or inside of the room and Jungkook scrolling mindlessly through channels on the T.V. or his cell phone.

There were no hard feelings. Just a time of adjustment.

The week in Paris hadn’t been what you expected, but the resolution was worth the sacrifice.

—

Paris en route to Barcelona

“Ten hours?!” Your eyes widened as you looked up from the map on your phone. Jungkook’s head dipped with a slight nod.

“We can take a pit stop at a hotel in between,” he shrugged. “Or just drive the entire ten.” The statement leaving you speechless. “I’m joking. We’ll stop at a hotel somewhere in the middle.”

The trip always began with music. Jungkook tossed you his phone and told you to pick a song to which you obliged happily. He had a wicked playlist.

The engine revving and silence between the two of you were drowned out by music, Jungkook tapping away to the beat on the steering wheel. You, in turn, hummed to the tune.

Somehow the music became a queue of Disney songs, one after another after you claimed you had to listen to Breaking Free. Somehow, Love is an Open Door came on the speakers and suddenly, you were finishing Jungkook’s sandwiches.

The song ended with you both in a fit of laughter as another song began to play. Your Disney karaoke session came to an end after nearly an hour of duets, your horrible solos and in contrast, Jungkook’s beautiful solos.

Suddenly, it grew quiet from the little banter you two had been having just a few seconds earlier.

“You know, I think it would be very easy to fall for someone like you.” You don’t know why you just openly admitted your thoughts, but it felt safe to. The car engine hummed quietly in the background and music played softly.

Jungkook hummed as his eyes trained on to the road ahead. “I’d think the same for you.” He smiled lightly.

“Hm, what makes you say that?” You were surprised by his words. You weren’t exactly the best in relationships and you always said you’d tango as one. What would make Jungkook think the same of you?

Jungkook was silent for a moment as if he was thinking. “Well, for me at least, you’re easy to talk with and have a killer smile,” his smile grew a bit wider at the thought. “You’re the type of person to dream. You still choose to dream even if society and circumstances told you not to.”

You glanced down at your lap as you felt your cheeks warm at his words. He thought those things about you. “A dreamer, huh?”

“Yeah, you came all the way here on the whims of a dream right? I admire that.”

“Yeah, a stupid one,” you mumbled quietly as you took your gaze your hands in your lap.

“It's amazing. I wish I had one like you,” there was nothing but admiration in his voice. “I wish I had that control like you,” he muttered. You thankfully hadn’t caught it.

“What about me?”

“Hmm?” You looked back up at him.

“What makes me an easy person to fall for?”

You pondered for a moment as you gather your thoughts. To be completely honest, Jungkook had a whole list of things going for him. “Well,” your finger tapped your chin. “You’re extremely charming. You can charm anyone very easily. From what I know, you have a good heart and a lovely smile as well.” Then the next line came out and you almost died in embarrassment, “Bonus: you’re extremely handsome.” You wanted to melt away and never come back the moment those words left your lips.

“You think I’m handsome, huh?”

The fact that he chose to point out that one statement in your compliment filled paragraph made you blush deeper.

“Maybe, or maybe I’m not seeing well and you're actually not,” your voice hinted teasingly as you laughed.

“Hey!” He reached a hand over to shove your shoulder lightly, but a chuckle still came from him. “I am one-hundred percent totally deadly handsome.”

“Sure, sure,” the laughter died down and the car grew silent.

“I think you give me more credit than I really take for.” If you’d known the life I lived at home, you’d not think so.

The thought had come out in words accidentally and you craned your gaze towards him. “What? Your life back home?”

Jungkook hadn’t realized the accidental mutter and a rush of panic struck him. “Nothing,” he brought back his casualness and shrugged his shoulders.

“My life was pretty shit,” you thought to fill the silence with your own story. He didn’t want to speak of his. You picked at the edge of your shirt. “Everyone wants to go to university and I just wasn’t the school type you know?”

You glanced at him for a moment and he gave a nod, eyes still on the road. “I know exactly what you mean.” He wasn’t exactly the star student himself.

“I got accepted to one, but I blew it off last minute and decided to take a gap year. My mom pretty much thinks I’m the dumbest person to make this choice,” a sigh left your lips. “Thinking about the break between me and my parents makes me think whether this trip was even worth it.”

“Well, what are you thinking right now?” Jungkook’s eyes flickered to you for a second, worried. He didn't like the thought of you not thinking this trip was worth it, and if you had thought that, you could drop out of it anytime. He definitely did not want that.

“I’m thinking that this was a once in a lifetime chance so I'd be a fool to not think it's worth it,” you revealed. You focused your attention on the blurring trees outside. “What about you?”

“I’m thinking that I’m really grateful you decided to follow your dreams and on top of that, it allowed me to meet this amazing human being sitting next to me.”

—

Massiac, France

You ended up taking a rest with an expected stop in a small French town of Massiac on the way to Barcelona.

By small, you meant like a population with under 2,000 people. You both ended up settling at a guesthouse that offered bed and breakfast.

You didn’t expect much when walking to your room for the night.

“Looks like we’re back to one bed,” Jungkook chuckled.

The bedroom was small, barely having enough space for the queen bed perched in the middle of the room and a small T.V. to be on a small table in the corner. Oddly, there was only a chair in the other corner of the room.

Thankfully, you two had opted to pack a few necessities and clothes to change into your bookbags and left your suitcases in the trunk of the car (out of sight from anyone who peeked into your windows, of course). They would have just been in the way.

“We’ll have to share?” You said sheepishly.

“If you don’t mind,” Jungkook was quick to respond. He pointed his thumb out the door. “I can take shelter in the car for the night.”

You shook your head. “It’s fine.” You saunter over to the bed and took a pillow, placing it in the middle of the bed. “Now we have two beds,” a laugh erupted from you.

It earned a chuckle from Jungkook as well as he shook his head at the idea. “Okay, Miss y/l/n, whatever you say.”

The night ended up being awkward, but you learned Jungkook loved to steal the sheets. You swore you were feeling so damn cold and subconsciously reached a hand over to your side to pull on the sheets to cover you.

Then sometime later, you were cold again, again without sheets. You, once again, reached over to tug the sheets onto you. Along with the sheets, you managed to tug something heavy and very warm next to you. That object shifted a lot.

In your foggy, sleeping mind, you only shuffled yourself over closer to the source of warmth and was even more satisfied when you were met with a cocoon of warmth.

In the morning, you realized the nice and comfortable cocoon of warmth was Jungkook and his arms and he was cuddling with you due to the lack of warmth every time you tugged the sheets away.

You both ran into fits of coughing as you moved away as far as possible upon waking up and meeting each other’s faces.

You awkwardly attempted to ease the situation with, “Remind me to never sleep with you again, you sheet hoger!”

Jungkook, who had settled down himself, diffused the situation in his classic way with a wink towards you.

Barcelona, Spain

Barcelona was a contrast compared to the cities you had yet to visit. The atmosphere made you feel more alive with every breath you took. Not to mention, the beautiful beaches the city had to offer which was a plus.

You had stayed at a hotel that had what you both desired most: a cafe right next door. You also managed to score a hotel that was right on the boardwalk in Barceloneta.

It was amazing. There were performances right outside of your hotel every night.

This night, in particular, there was a musician playing live music near the cafe. Yours and Jungkook’s conversations had settled from the constantly learning new things about each other. Some nights you both just talked about small things like how you liked the tourist sights you both saw today or just showing each other funny memes you saw while scrolling through your social media.

This was good though. It cleared the air from what had happened in Paris.

Suddenly, Jungkook hopped up from his chair across from you.

“Let’s go dance!”

“Hm?” You were taken aback by his words and momentarily, glanced at him.

He grabbed your hand and tugged you to the crowd. “Let’s go dance y/n,” he flashed you a smile. That, that was your favorite smile of his—a bit daring and wild as if he had the best idea in the world but it was not any ordinary idea. It was lovely, really.

You nodded and allowed him to sweep you away. The music was upbeat and you both tried to best to keep up with the crowd, but failed. Many other tourists had been laughing along with you both as they too failed. The atmosphere was warm and beautiful.

Both tourists and locals mixed in a crowd to dance traditional dances. The locals took the time to teach a few moves to the tourists as tourists tried their best to keep up. Guitars played in sync with each other for a few songs. When the song ended, cheers and claps filled the air.

“The next song should be easy to dance with,” a man spoke into the microphone with a slight chuckle and the crowd echoed with laughter. You recognized the song as a slow song with English lyrics. The man sang the slow tune and couples began forming, strangers shyly asking another stranger for a dance.

Jungkook took your hand with a shy smile. “Dance with me.”

You smiled back widely and nodded. “Of course.”

It was a slow dance and Jungkook led, swaying you both to and fro with the beat. Instead of keeping a distance, you danced, fronts almost pressed and you laid on his chest. He pulled away from you and you frowned, but he tugged onto your hand, spinning you. You let out a giggle and he pulled you close again.

Amidst the swaying, you felt drops of water on your arm. “It’s raining.” The drops fell faster and people began to take shelter under various storefronts. The musician, under a roof, continued to play for the only two left dancing—the two of you.

Instead of leaving, you both stayed dancing in the rain. Clothes sticking to your body from being drenched, you danced. Even after the slow song had ended and the musician began to change the song to a more upbeat one.

You felt your ears begin to drown out the music. Both your chests were rising and falling at a rapid pace and you felt Jungkook lean his forehead on to yours.

At this moment, the crowd was gone, no music, just you and Jungkook. What you felt at that exact moment was indescribable. It was the same feeling of comfort, satisfaction, and really delicious and fresh chocolate chip cookies. It felt...good.

It felt like eons had passed when you both found it in you to separate when in reality, the musician was only at the first chorus of the song he began to play when you drowned out the environment around you.

Jungkook flashed you a wide smile, the one where his eyes became crescent moons from his cheeks being squished from his bright smile. His eyes even became happy, the way there was this sheen and shine on them.

It was pretty damn infectious because your mouth broke out in a smile too.

The rest of your week in Barcelona had a different air between you two after that dance. You took note of it and you were damn sure Jungkook knew it too.

Sometimes, your eye would catch on Jungkook doing something and you’d feel your heart glow and warmth bubble inside your chest. If Jungkook caught you, he’d either freeze himself or send you a cheeky wink, then your heart felt like it went into overdrive.

You never felt that kind of feeling before and it led you down a path of confusion. You were becoming more comfortable with Jungkook’s presence. In fact, you loved his presence. This feeling was more than just enjoying someone’s company. The feeling you had whenever something like his arm wrapped around you or his hands holding yours to tug you to something he found cool was something else.

You never truly felt what it was like to fall for someone, but you were almost sure that’s what you were experiencing.

—

Barcelona en route to Provence

He turned his head quickly, glancing in your direction before turning his attention back to the road ahead. His lips curved into a smirk.

“Miss y/l/n, correct me if I'm wrong, but were you staring at me just now?”

He'd caught you, but you hide your embarrassment taking advantage of his adjusted focus on the road. “Well, Mr. Jeon, you were wrong,” the creeping blush on your cheeks giving your words away. You turned your head in the opposite direction.

“I mean there’s nothing wrong with it. I already know I’ve been gifted with this handsome face,” he added in a teasing tone.

Definitely.

“As if,” you faked a scoff.

Silence filled the car and Jungkook was not in any shape or form for the question you asked next. He nearly choked on his own breath.

“Jungkook, have you ever been in love?”

Jungkook literally began to cough. “What makes you ask that?”

You shrug your shoulders casually attempting to play off your question. “Just curious, never felt that before.”

“Actually, I don’t think I really was. Maybe crushes, but never anything serious,” he answered.

For some reason, you felt a wave of sadness hit you briefly and your worst fear: did you have feelings, but he didn’t?

You didn’t realize you began to fall victim to your own thoughts coming at you from every angle before Jungkook waved a hand in front of your face.

“What about you?”

“I wouldn’t really know if I was. If I liked someone, I would question it to no end. It might as well be one of my insecurities,” you let out.

Marseille, Provence, France

Provence, four words, lavender fields in Summer. True, you were coming late, but you definitely made it in time.

You both stayed at the capital of the region, a seaport with amazing hill lands where the city dwelled. You managed to find a small hotel that was near the top of one of the higher locations.

The second day, you were the first one to wake up. You had to go see the lavender fields. It did take two more hours of driving to Sault, France where the Lavender Trail was, but to be completely honest, the excitement you had was something Jungkook couldn’t refuse in a million years. You were practically jumping up and down in your seat the entire time.

You were even more overjoyed you both had made it on the day of the Lavender Festival which a farmers market was being held. Even miles away from the town, you swore you could smell the lavender scent with the warm breeze.

Jungkook, a few hours in the festival, disappeared and reappeared with some lavenders in his hands.

“For you,” he said with that charming smile. “We can press these too.”

“Thank you,” this time you accepted without hesitation.

That day, your camera roll was filled with shades of purple and it was one of your favorite days.

–

“y/n, come with me. I found something amazing last night,” there it was. There was that glint in Jungkook’s eyes that shouted daringly, ‘adventure’. He held out his hand to you which you took.

He led you through a series of stairs that you were pretty sure prohibited to guests at the hotel.

“Are you sure we can be here?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s worth getting into some trouble for,” he smiled.

At the end of the stair climbing was a single door. Jungkook opened the door and guided you to the sound of a bustling city. Wind began to brush past you two, moving your hair in all sorts of directions. Your eyes were met with the sight of the night of a city below.

Jungkook pulled you closer to an edge.

“Come sit with me,” he took a seat near the edge, letting his feet fall over it and worry began to stream through you.

“It’s too high up. We can sit back here,” you took a seat next to him, but made sure to stay a safe foot from the edge.

“Come on, it’s a better experience this way,” he grasped your hand, giving it a slight squeeze.

Here you go, listening to him again. You couldn’t look over the edge exactly because your fragile heart would definitely not let you, but you began to inch forward, squeezing his hand for dear life.

You never let go.

The silence filled the air and you only dangled your feet, looking out onto the sea of lights. “Two weeks left.” A smile curved on your lips and you watched more of the lights turning on and the last bits of the sun disappearing behind the horizon. “Two weeks of crazy adventures.”

“Yeah.”

You turned to him only to see him watching you. “What are you doing? Look at those lights, they're beautiful.” You waved your arm out.

“I'm looking at you,” he said with a cheeky smile, but his voice wasn’t the same teasing tone. His eyes shined and you were trying to conclude what he was thinking of. At that moment, it became really silent, not the normal silence. It was the type of silence where you could feel the environment just pause and only the sound of your heart pounding fast in your chest was heard. You hoped it wasn't too loud for him to notice.

You just stared at him, letting the silence settle comfortably. Then you gave out an awkward laugh. “I'm sure, the lights and the view are a lot better to look at than m-,” you didn't get a chance to finish because before you could say ‘me’, his lips were on yours.

It wasn't one of those super long, passionate kisses; it was short, but it wasn't a peck either. He captured your lips with his and for some reason, you kissed back. For that split second, it felt like one of those kisses that felt like two puzzle pieces fitting together so perfectly. When he finally pulled away, his forehead leaning against yours, he whispered the words, “I like you, y/n. And if I keep falling at the rate I am at the moment, I will fall in love with you.”

There are two reasons people become breathless from a kiss: one, because they'd kiss for ages and ran out of breath and two, where the kiss had literally taken their breath away.

With your chest heaving, you knew this kiss had only made you breathless because of the emotions running through you. It was too short to have made you run out of breath, but rather, your heart had gone into overdrive. Your heart physically couldn’t handle this moment.

Your breaths intermixing with each other, his words mixing with it making this cocktail that made you want more. But the words registered with you and you pulled away from him before you could possibly get caught for more.

He watched you with those innocent doe eyes only telling you he meant it. He truly liked you.

His sudden confession caught you off guard. For the month you've been with Jungkook, you thought of his personality to be naturally flirty. He was handsome and charm was a part of the package.

You weren't going to lie, the times he'd pull you close or the cheeky comments made your heart flutter, but you'd blown them off. He was just flirty by nature, you told yourself. Yet, your stupid self let out, “you’re being serious, right?” You saw almost a crumble in his confident smile.

“Y-yeah?” You had never heard Jungkook stumble on an answer.

You felt the blush creep up your cheeks. “Oh no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound that bad. I was just being stupid,” you shook your head with an embarrassed smile.

Jungkook pulled back, hands on both sides of your arms. “Uh, y/n, how do you feel?” His voice was small, grown nervous at your lack of response.

“I kissed back, you know,” oh no, you gave another stupid answer. Your hand had literally went up to smack your forehead. “No, I did it again.”

This time the slightest sigh of relief came from Jungkook as he laughed.

“Okay, I like you, too,” you said sheepishly, recounting how you managed to respond terribly, not once, not twice, but three times. Now you answered in the most naive sounding way possible.

Jungkook chuckled and in the background, a shooting star made its way across the midnight sky.

–

You felt like you were on cloud nine that night, but you felt the opposite the next morning. Morning thoughts were the worst and this morning, they took you like crazy. You began to think about the future. What were you going to do when the trip ended? Sure, having fallen for Jungkook felt so amazing, but you couldn’t face what could happen in the future. It was so undetermined and Jungkook saw you sitting up in your bed with a blank stare on your face.

You felt the weight of the bed shift slightly but didn’t really fall out of your thoughts until Jungkook’s arms wrapped around you and gave you a gentle kiss on your temple.

“Good morning,” he whispered softly, head resting on your shoulder. “What are you thinking so deeply about?”

“What now?” You couldn’t help sounding so God damn blunt about it.

With a sigh, you could tell Jungkook had already breezed through that thought.

“y/n, I just told you how I felt. How about we just hold off on that and enjoy the remaining time? Maybe we can figure it out later?”

Later. That was procrastination. However, you just shrugged and agreed. Putting it off was probably both of you trying to avoid the inevitable.

–

True to your agreement, you both didn’t mention it again. It was constantly peeping over your shoulder, but just like that, you swatted away the thought and focused on your time at Marseille.

—

Provence en route to Venice

The eight-hour trip ahead required another pit stop at a small town, but no one was going to complain. It was another excuse to postpone the trip even just for a day.

Postpone deciding what the hell to do to clean up the fact that after this trip you’d both most likely be left heartbroken in completely different cities.

The night spent in the bed and breakfast, you felt the dread creeping further.

Although you only knew Jungkook for less than two months, it felt like you had known him for a decade.

As you laid, staring at him, the stars shone through the window behind him and you admired the being before you. You let your arms go around his middle and you admired his serene face.

Your eyes traced his nose, jaw, and lips. You thought about how safe you felt at this very moment, limbs tangled together. Your mind wandered to how if you hadn’t decided to go on this trip, what you would have missed out on.

Then you thought, ‘goddamnit Jeon Jungkook, what do I do?’

Venice, Italy

Jungkook was being darn cheeky when he requested a room with only one bed, but you still agreed. It wasn’t like you two haven’t shared a bed before and with your newfound confessions, you didn’t mind it. Not one bit.

To be completely honest, it was hard to not have Jungkook within your touch every second since that day. There was barely a moment when he didn’t clasp his hand in yours or vice versa. He didn’t waste a second where his head could be buried in the crook of your neck and arms wrapped around your waist and you not savoring each minute of it. Maybe it was the looming separation that you knew was coming in a few weeks.

Jungkook, himself, opted to leave his bed empty every night because he swore he was cold and you were the best warm pillow there could be.

It started with him climbing over in the middle of the night swearing he was freezing to death even though it was in the middle of the summer. Then he just completely abandoned his bed every night in Provence for the rest of the week.

“Dibs on the bed. You can have the sofa bed!” You exclaimed quickly, dropping the handle to your suitcase and launching yourself onto the king-sized bed in the middle of the room.

“Dibs on the bed!” Jungkook launched himself next to you bouncing you up slightly.

“Hey! I called it!” You whined, but really, a smile was making its way into your lips.

In seconds, he was on top of you, his fingers dusting over your rib cage and you falling out of breath from laughing constantly.

“Stop, ah!” You squealed, yes, squealed. You swatted his hands away, but his fingers continued their torture on your stomach.

When he finally stopped, his legs were on both sides of you and you were both out of breath from laughing, Jungkook at how funny it was messing with you and you from literally being tortured.

You didn’t realize Jungkook had become silent, his face merely inches from yours. His eyes scanned yours and when you didn’t show any sign of ‘no’, he dipped his head down further. This time, you could feel his breathing, lips right above yours.

You didn’t stop your eyes from dropping from his and then to his lips quickly before locking with his eyes again.

The weird thing was that you both refrained from kissing the entire time after that night. True, skin to skin contact was all you both did, but kissing didn’t occur as much as one would expect from your situation.

Thoughts aside, you reached up to kiss him. What was meant to be a peck became Jungkook’s hands falling around your waist and pulling you closer to him, deepening the kiss ten folds. It didn’t help that your hands magically found their way to his hair, fingers knotting in his locks.

In times like this, you both wondered if it would be okay to go further. Was it wrong to lust for someone you only knew for a few months? Was it wrong to fall into the embrace of your own desires to be closer? To the point of complete contact? Unfortunately, you were too shy to voice it nor make any sign of it. Then again, it was never a loss to be kissing and in each other’s arms for hours on end after being tired from a long drive.

–

Being the tourists you were, you swore on your life you had to visit the Trevi Fountain and make a wish before you had to leave.

Jungkook couldn’t sway you from that regardless of how many gondola rides he offered to take you on.

It was crowded, but with the frame like Jungkook, he was able to maneuver you right to the front through the throngs of people.

“Here,” Jungkook handed you a coin.

“You should make one too,” you reminded, excitement bubbling in you.

Jungkook nodded.

You took your time, closing your eyes and thinking of a good wish, but when you closed your eyes, you really just thought of Jungkook.

You could have wished for anything, happiness, freedom from the chains of family duties you knew were waiting for you when you’d go back, but no, you wished for something completely different.

You wanted deep down to wish that you and Jungkook didn’t end here after the road trip. You wanted to wish this wasn’t going to be the end for you both. That there was more; that the paths your lives crossed here wouldn’t have to branch off inevitably because you lived too differently.

So you did. You wished for it, somewhere deep down, you really hoped this fountain would be powerful enough to actually grant your wish.

When you closed your eyes, you assumed Jungkook was getting ready to make his wish alongside you. Instead, he had watched you. He didn’t need a wish; the miracle that came into his life was you.

So he watched you; eyes scanning over your face, memorizing the moment. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone; he wanted to remember this moment. The moment when you looked so beautiful with your eyes closed, hands crossed over your lips, thinking. When Jungkook really looked at you, he always felt whoever was there, whether one person or a hundred, they melted away. They became a blurred background and only you were there in front of him.

So silently, he took a photo.

Really, you’d never knew this photo existed.

He quickly tucked his phone away quickly to make sure to clasp his hands and close his eyes as if he had just wished.

At the end of the day, you both wandered, allowing yourself to put away Google Maps for just a few hours and get lost in the city.

–

On the last night, per your daily dose of cafe talks, you saw Jungkook get a bit tipsy for the first time. Okay, he was like pretty much drunk.

You both decided to have wine at the cafe as a last hurrah in Venice.

You unexpectedly were tipsy as well, giggling constantly at almost anything that happened.

Jungkook was a funny drunk and to be completely honest, you didn’t remember much of that night. It was like spots in your memory.

You remembered Jungkook trying to tell a joke he saw on his phone earlier and attempting to reenact it, tipping back on his chair too far and falling completely over.

You remembered how you tried to take him on a joke-off claiming you had way better jokes than him. When you told your rebuttal joke, it was so bad that Jungkook laughed because it was so ironically not funny.

You remembered the both of you stumbling back to the hotel room barely able to walk in a straight line although you were less drunk than him so he leaned more on you with his arms around your shoulders, being the dead weight he was.

But you didn’t remember how you both were laughing happily until you dropped onto the bed and he pulled you close with his arms, legs still hanging off the bed claiming he never let you go and silence took over.

You both did not remember when Jungkook drunkenly proclaimed how much he had loved you and how sure he was about it. How he wanted to shout so loud to the gods that were listening.

You both did not remember when he proclaimed every single thing that he admired about you and that they were the reason he fell for you. His mouth forming details of you and his fingers travelings the slopes of your face and body from the angle that your nose sloped to the way the corners of your lips pulled up into possibly his most favorite smile on the planet.

You both did not remember how you responded by crying your eyes out about how beautifully he proclaimed his love and how you felt the same way but you were scared. Scared about this new unknown feeling that you now knew the name of and scared to admit it because this trip will eventually end and you feared how having these feelings would eventually mean nothing.

The next day you both woke holding onto each other and you didn’t know why your eyes were red and puffy.

—

Venice en route to Rome

You were finally headed to your last destination and your three months of adventure would end. Even though there was a week left until you both had to decide what was to come, the drive to Rome was filled mostly with silence.

Although you had been on this trip for nearly three months, the silent car ride had made it feel like almost the first one when he had just picked you up from the gas station.

The silence was brimming with unspoken emotions. Sadness? Longing?

The entire ride, Jungkook kept your hand in his, fingers gently brushing over your knuckles in a caressing way.

You barely looked at each other.

It was physically hard to. In past drives, you both spilled stories you experienced to pass the time or just talked about anything. Today, you found it hard to even glance in each others’ way when you felt the end looming closer with each mile passed.

Rome, Italy

You weren’t going to lie. The dread of the end of the trip cast a shadow over the week spent in Rome. You still enjoyed yourselves as much as possible, but the dread was overwhelming. It was like you just took your heart, wrapped it up nicely, and presented it to Jungkook, and suddenly, two weeks later, you had to take it back. A present wasn’t meant to be taken back by the giver, but received, kept, and taken care of by the receiver.

You wish you hadn’t admitted anything in Provence, but looking back, you couldn’t make it. You couldn’t control a pot that’s about to boil over unless you control the heat causing it to, right? In the end, you ended up turning off the heat completely, didn’t you?

Unconsciously, you both allowed yourselves to distance, farther and farther every day. Less intimate touches and fewer embraces. It was like a psychological choice. Knowing you’d eventually go your separate ways, your minds were forcing your bodies to begin to prepare for the eventual impact.

“Let me take you out,” Jungkook spoke suddenly. “One last time,” a sad smile on his lips.

Tomorrow marked the end and although it was almost certain you had decided yourself, you would be parting ways.

“Okay,” you responded quietly.

You got ready that night, dressed to the nines. It was your last night so why the hell not? You pushed away any thoughts about tomorrow as far out as possible as you pulled on the most lavish dress you could find in your belongings, a red dress you somehow packed that you never had the guts to pull off at home.

Jungkook, himself, pulled on a dress shirt and black slacks.

–

You leaned against the balcony railing and watched the city skyline, the lights on the buildings across the river from you. The wind played with your hair, blowing it gently into different directions. Honestly, anytime spent on this balcony would be breathtaking.

You missed the footsteps of Jungkook approaching you from behind and your heart jumped slightly when a head leaned onto your shoulders and a pair of arms circled around your waist.

“I could spend an eternity with you. Not just here. Anywhere on this damn planet. Even if we were stuck on a deserted island,” he admitted.

Your lips curved into a smile and your heart skipped a few times hearing his words. “Even if we end up fighting over a single coconut for food?”

You felt his chest vibrate against your back as he let out a resounding chuckle. “I’d have to learn how to fish then. Ya know, just in case, so you don’t fight me over a coconut.”

You don’t know why but you felt a single tear rolling down your cheek at the thought of getting away with him. You weren’t sure if it was your insane emotions driving you to love this man or your naivety to what love was. For sure, you could love him.

“That would be perfect.” Unfortunately, you couldn’t hold your emotions from your tone and your voice faltered just a bit.

Jungkook frowned and his hands held onto your shoulder as he spun you around.

It was a single tear, but it gave you away and your smile couldn’t be sadder. His eyes searched yours, only to find melancholy.

“We haven’t talked about tomorrow,” you reminded. His eyes reflected the same emotions.

Jungkook’s hands held on your face in a gentle caress. “I want to kiss you.”

Then he did and you didn’t stop him. You missed his touch too much. Even though you both tried to separate as much as possible this week, it was like playing Jenga. The more you took out to build, the weaker the tower would be.

The more you tried to hold yourselves back, the weaker your resolves became.

To your surprise, after a brief moment, Jungkook was the one to pull away.

To his surprise, your hands reached to the back of his neck, pulling him back in. “Can we not care for tonight?”

Human greed was always strong.

Jungkook gave in, lips on yours once again, this time he kissed you harder and you had somehow staggered against the cool wall outside of your hotel room.

Now all your hard work was really thrown out the window.

“Up,” he spoke against your lips. You listened, legs looping around his waist within a second. His hands held you firmly as he walked away from the balcony, kicking the door shut behind him.

His tongue begged for entrance and as your back hit the bed, you gave it to him.

You allowed your hands to roam from his hair and daring yourself as your fingers glided under the hem of his shirt and onto warm skin.

His own hands ventured from your hips, up your sides, and to your hair finding purchase there.

“y/n,” and even though this flurry of activities had only been lighthearted and hadn't gone far from just kissing, Jungkook’s voice had a deeper, more husky tone in it. It was one with a hint of lust but mostly filled with an unsure feeling. “Are you sure?”

He'd known where this could lead to, where it could end and he didn't want it to end in regret.

You gave him a nod and you meant it.

Never been more sure.

For once, you’d let yourself be selfish. You knew what tomorrow would bring after your confession, but you wanted to be selfish.

Once again, human greed was too strong. You wanted him, you wanted to have all of him.

Without a second word, his lips separated from yours leaving you wanting them back as they began to play dangerous games with your body. First, your neck, then lower and lower.

You didn’t deny your body of what you really wanted that night because, in reaction, your body tensed with desire and you allowed your hands to find his hair again.

You wanted all of him and that night, you let him take you into oblivion as your clothing found their way to the floor in a pile next to the bed one by one. Then you both were stripped bare, naked to each other both physically and emotionally.

The feeling of being bare and laid out before him brought you a creeping feeling of self-consciousness until with two simple words from him, those feelings were flushed out. Gone as if they never existed.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, eyes grazing over your body in utter adoration. Then his eyes were back on your own.

He'd given you his love in the most intimate way possible that night. It was the love he proclaimed the night you both didn’t remember. He was proving it to you once again, sober.

His mouth had cherished you so, his body worshipped you with his all.

The act that some would call sinister became your heaven as his hands and mouth became familiarized with every curve your body owned, as his hips rocks into yours. You were his to cherish, to give himself to and he wanted to do it in the most tender way possible. He cherished your body as if it was the very moon and stars in the night sky as he made love to you.

The soft moans that escaped your lips, every breath you took, the way you arched your back in response to his movements. Jungkook noted them all because he was focused on you and solely you.

When he came to his high, your name fell from his lips like a mantra along with long strings of profanity. Not long after, your own body grew taut, then loose as you came undone before him.

He kissed you once again, gentle as ever, allowing you both to savor the moment of utter bliss.

Covered in sweat and bodily fluids, both tired from the highs you've experienced, you'd finally found your eyes begin to flutter shut, but not before memorizing each other's faces; the soft smiles you had on your faces.

With an arm under his head, his eyes watched you and a finger brushed past your jaw.

No words needed.

His arms slipped around your waist, pulling you flush against him. The intimate moments had passed and he just wanted to feel you skin to skin. Skin to skin was as close as he could get to you.

You wrapped your arms around his middle, a tired smile on your lips.

For that brief night, you both had actually managed to trick your minds into forgetting the goodbyes awaiting tomorrow. You were in the moment and there was nothing but.

I think I love you so much.

–

Your finger tapped on Jungkook’s arm, your eyes wandering over his bare skin. The sun began its journey into the sky and now today was the tomorrow you dreaded yesterday. You wished you could stay like this for a while, heck, for an eternity.

Yeah, let’s freeze time and you could spend just a moment more in his arms.

Your eyes matched his as if you both just acknowledged this was it. Today’s the day, the end.

“Come back with me. I can pay for you can go to university back in Seoul and I’ll beg my father to let me stay in Korea.” Jungkook paused before letting his deepest feelings take control of his voice and words.

“I can’t… we can’t just end this. It barely started and as cheesy as I sound, y/n, I’ve never felt this way about someone. I want to keep seeing you every day. I promise I won’t get bored. I want to learn about all of the weird quirks I didn’t get to yet and fall even more in love. I can’t just let this slip away like some brief summer love. Please give this a real chance. Come back with me.”

His words caused a sad smile to take the place of your previous frown and tears near falling from your eyes and in a heartbeat, you would have said yes. Not for offering to pay for your university, but for staying with him. In a heartbeat, you would have agreed to be with him, but that would mean being irrational.

You never knew you could fall in love with a stranger you agreed to go on a three month trip with. Yet, here you were.

And you were going to set yourself up to decline his offer to stay and be with him, to allow your relationship to continue even though last night, you both had just profusely admitted your love.

Seoul, South Korea — the following autumn after that summer

You said no. You told him you couldn’t go with him to wherever it was. It wasn’t possible. He lived a life that was the complete opposite of yours. He had his own duties to return to and you had yours. You didn’t want him to sacrifice anything so you two could have hope on something that had too many uncertainties and vice versa.

There was no making commitments to be in a relationship together. You saw no resolution with that.

How could a prince be with a peasant? Life was no fairytale. That was the harsh reality.

The last time you saw Jeon Jungkook was at the Incheon International Airport shuttles where it’d take you to busses to take you back to your hometown.

Jungkook walked to the shuttles with you and waited, claiming his car wasn’t there yet. You knew it was a lie. You only sat on the bench with him and lay your head onto his shoulder, feeling his breath, up and down. Up and down.

No talking, just silence. When the shuttle came to a squeaky stop in front of the stop, you both stood and embraced. There were no words but, “Goodbye.”

You both didn’t know if there was anything to say. Do you have something to say like an emission of feelings to add to your departure? Surely, it was there, but no one attempted.

You turned to step onto the shuttle and sat down quickly to catch a glimpse of Jungkook as the shuttle drove off. Both your eyes remained locked. When he became nothing but a small dot and you couldn’t possibly turn your head anymore to watch him disappear from your sight, you sighed.

Jungkook was going to be greeted with a car to take him to his father’s company doors while you would be taking a shuttle to take you to where the busses to home were.

This is where the chance happening of the intertwined path of your lives would stop. They would branch off into different directions like a tree branch eventually growing to split into two so the life of the tree can continue. Both your lives would continue, separately.

Just as the trees become shades of reds, oranges, and browns in the autumn and fell from the ever-growing branches, you returned to your daily life.

Your parents were happy that you had returned to their home and even more glad when you enrolled yourself in classes to help with college credits so you could apply for university in the coming year.

Did you miss Jungkook? Yes, your heart yearned terribly the first few weeks when you went back to reality.

When you saw something from your trip together, whether it be a photo on your phone, those flowers that were pressed in the book, the faint scent of lavender on that page, or the dress you had worn the night you both danced in the rain, you felt like someone was pressing a knife to your heart once again.

The truth is you got to know this stranger with a kind heart, who loved singing with his heart, who had never once felt the trust he felt with you, who made you feel like you were one with the stars, who was the biggest dork on the planet and fell in love with him a place foreign to both of you.

One day, you managed to smile at the memory rather than feel the pain of missing something or someone and it felt good.

When you were finishing some Calculus homework at the cafe you worked at as the sun began to set, the doorbell rang for the first time in hours. You quickly closed the textbook and shoved it into your bag before rising from your seat near the counter. The customer was still observing the menu above as you rushed behind the counter.

“Hi, how can I help you?” You quickly typed in your ID into the POS screen to unlock it. You lifted your head with a smile.

A familiar pair of brown eyes observed you before the man cocked his head to the side a bit with a charming smile rising on his lips.

Your heart fluttered within your chest.

“Hey, y/n”

a/n

reposting because i found out tumblr messed with my tags and now they’re fixed *long sigh*

but hopefully this story gets the love it needs after being screwed over :’) (aka, this one shot is literally my b a b y that i’ve nurtured for a long time)

yours truly, Selene ♡

#bts scenarios #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bangtanfairygarden #jungkook scenarios #bts jungkook #bts #bts fanfiction #bts scenario #bts fic #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook fluff #bts x you #bts x reader #bts au #w: an endless summer #writing

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galaxywhump · 4 years ago

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Never Alone

[Masterlist]

Timeline: set after Thorns

cw: discussion of death - murder and suicide, slavery whump, forced relationship, creepy/intimate and possessive whumper, noncon touching and kissing, swearing, alcohol, referenced alcohol abuse, gaslighting, begging, brainwashing, conditioning, hand gagging, creepy comfort, hopelessness, food mention.

~~~

On SV-240 even waking up has become a statement of I don’t want this, I don’t want to be here, I’m going to get out of here, a fight to keep the heart and mind free of the pleasant feelings of waking up well-rested.

Above all, Wren dreads the day when he wakes up happy.

Today is, to his relief, far from that day.

He groans and squeezes his eyes shut when light explodes under his eyelids, and his ears ring from the slightest movement when he curls up further and hides his head between his shoulders.

“Sweetheart?”

“Fuuuck, leave me alone”, he mumbles, Daniel’s voice grating on his ears even more than usual.

“Hangover, huh?”

“Take a wild fucking guess.”

“Told you”, Daniel says in a playfully scolding manner, taking away all the weight of what had happened the day before.

“Please?”

He needs it. Just once he wants to ruin himself, drink until all he feels is the burn of alcohol and he wakes up the next day in the familiar pain of a hangover. Just once he wants to regain the worst part of himself.

So he begs.

“But we’ve taken such good care of your problem, sweetheart. Do you really want to ruin it now?”

“N-not ruin.” You never let me drink anyway, asshole, let alone too much. “Just this one time. Please, I… I need some more. Just tonight.”

“You’re going to regret it tomorrow”, and Wren’s first thought is torture, punishment for daring to ask for something that ridiculous, and he finds himself thinking that more alcohol would still be worth it.

“I know.”

And then, for once, Daniel agrees - unusual, Wren notes bitterly, given that the request wasn’t benefitting him in any way.

“Do you want to get up?”

“No.”

He just wants to stay here, sleep the day away like he would on Earth, alone - even though he knows that the last part is impossible. The first two alone would still be nice, though.

Daniel lays one hand on Wren’s shoulder, and this time he succeeds at opening his eyes to look at him, immediately paying the price of a sharp pain flashing through his head before giving way to dull throbbing.

“See, this is exactly what I wanted to avoid”, Daniel sighs, moving his hand up and down Wren’s arm. “Now you’re out for half a day at least.”

“It’s not like I had any plans anyway”, Wren mutters, averting his gaze.

“That doesn’t mean you should sabotage yourself like that, sweetheart.”

“What, are you playing my therapist now? Leave me alone.”

Daniel sighs again - it’s a heavy sigh that makes Wren’s blood boil, worried, as if Daniel cared about anything and anyone other than himself.

“I’ll bring you breakfast. And water. It should help a bit.”

Wren nods and follows Daniel with his gaze as he gets up from the bed and leaves the room; once he’s alone he fixes his gaze on the wall, trying to fight down thoughts that fill him with unease.

It’s more than he’s even gotten. On Earth he was always alone, left to deal with hangovers on his own. There was never anyone to take care of him, or even just call to check on him, to care.

He just wishes it was anyone but Daniel being kind to him, being by his side, kissing him, waking up before him and bringing him breakfast, saying the three words he’s not sure he even remembers ever hearing before.

He just wishes he had any point of reference. Anyone to have given him all the firsts.

Maybe that was the point, one of the factors that made his price so high. He was a blank canvas with insecurities and issues for Daniel to take advantage of. He had made himself that way, an easy target, not missed by anyone-

Stop. It doesn’t matter.

My name is Wren Rackham. I was kidnapped. I’ve been here for… over a year. I’m still fighting. I’m not broken.

And I’m never going to be.

Daniel comes back, carrying a tray - and Wren can’t help but wonder if it’s the exact same one he once was made to hold up - careful not to drop it, giving Wren a gentle smile that he doesn’t return.

Sitting up makes every muscle in his body protest - he hasn’t had a hangover that bad in years; he supposes that was to be expected after forcible quitting.

“There you go. Need anything else?”

“Yes, I need you to leave me alone.”

Daniel raises his eyebrows as he hands Wren the tray, and shakes his head.

“No need to be so rude, you know. But I’ll blame it on the hangover, and we can move on, alright?”

Wren glares at him briefly, and doesn’t comment further when Daniel sits down on the bed instead of leaving. Doesn’t matter. He’s through despairing every time his requests go unheard… or at least when those requests are this minor.

Being left alone isn’t minor. I’m just giving it up.

Doesn’t. Matter.

Once he’s done with eating, now taking his time drinking the water he was given, reveling in the feeling of no longer being completely parched, Daniel moves closer to him, and there’s touch, as always, a hand on his shoulder, the other brushing his hair away from his forehead, and it’s yet another thing Wren should be disgusted by but isn’t. It’s too frequent for him to care every single time.

Brainwashing. It’s brainwashing. I should fight it.

“Feeling better, sweetheart?”

He gives a tentative nod in response, focusing on the thoughts, trying to rationalize with them.

I know it’s brainwashing. And as long as I know that… I should be okay. I’m fighting. And that’s what matters.

“I just want you to know that I’m always here”, Daniel says, and Wren shivers, hoping that that will be blamed on the hangover too. “Whenever you have a bad day, like today. I’m here to make it better.”

“You’re failing”, Wren mutters, and Daniel laughs, hiding his face in Wren’s neck, sending another shiver of disgust and fear radiating from the spot, which only gets stronger when Daniel wraps one arm around him, and, just like so many times before, he’s trapped by the casual contact. He flinches away from the touch, but the hold just gets tighter, keeping him in place with a silent threat even when Daniel laughs again.

“You’re hilarious, sweetheart.”

A moment of silence, stillness, interrupted only by the clink of the glass as Wren sets it on the nightstand and crosses his arms, staring straight ahead.

“But I’ve been thinking…”, Daniel starts again, amusement fading from his voice, and Wren uses a tiny opening to snark:

“Tragic.”

That doesn’t get a laugh. Daniel exhales into his neck before pulling back, to plant a brief kiss on Wren’s cheek.

“We have so many years together ahead of us”, he whispers, and Wren’s heart pounds with enough force to cause pain, “but… I’ve been thinking about the day when I can’t take care of you anymore. When I’m too old, too weak.”

He’s been thinking about that day too - the day when, if everything else had failed, if escape had proven impossible and all he can do is wait, he finally gains the upper hand.

It’s been at the back of his mind for a while now. Not plan B nor C, closer to plan Z, really, but it has been a small source of hope nonetheless, and - which he now realizes was a mistake - he believed that Daniel wasn’t thinking that far ahead.

“I’m trying not to think about it. What matters is the here and now.” Wren flinches under another kiss. “But I don’t want you to be on your own when I’m gone. I don’t want you to be left all alone on this planet, sweetheart.”

Wren closes his eyes and swallows heavily, his heart knocking against his ribs, its beating echoing in his hungover mind, his entire body frozen in horror and anticipation, it’s too much, too much, he wants to be alone today, he wants to be alone in all those years.

“So when that day comes”, the words finally come, one after another seeping into Wren’s ears, fueling his panic, and his breath hitches when Daniel’s fingers, feather-light, brush over his neck. “I’ll make it quick.”

The words click, the world stops, and Wren is falling.

“Painless”, Daniel continues, his every word careful, solemn. “And then, sweetheart, when you’re gone - and only when I’m sure you are - I’ll join you.”

“No.” Wren’s voice is choked, bordering on a sob, the word carrying all that’s tearing him apart, and Daniel pulls him closer, brushing through his hair with his fingers in a crude caricature of comfort.

“Shh. No need to be scared. It will take years before we’ll have to do it, so try not to worry about it, okay?”

“You’re- you’re fucking insane-”

Daniel covers Wren’s mouth with his hand, muffling his words which turn into a whimper, despair taking over the weak attempt at a snark.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I know it’s unexpected, but you’ll get used to that thought eventually, I promise.”

And Wren closes his eyes and sobs, overwhelmed, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, I’m going to escape long before that, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t argue, can’t rationalize the two nightmarish thoughts.

That of spending decades upon decades more in this hell - and that of never, ever escaping it, bound to Daniel until death.

Having his life taken from him once again, this time in the most literal sense.

taglist: @faewhump @inky-whump @whole-and-apart-and-between @garbagewhump @slaintetowhump @whatwasmyprevioususername @moose-teeth @procrastinatingsab @insanitywishes @special-spicy-chicken @redstainedsocks @luminouswhump @untilthepainstarts @lonesome--hunter @spookyboywhump @ohmywhump @renkocchi @whump-only @ihaventwritteninsolong @legallylibra @rose-whump @muddy-swamp-princess @one-stop-whump-shop @girlwithacoolcat @wildlywhumping @oliver-zophie-rose @mnmlover2002 @itallcomesdowntopain

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years ago

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Coffee For Your Head

(He’s so pretty)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst with some fluff and a happy ending

Word Count: 7.1K

Summary: After an exhausting and frustrating day at work, all you want to do is go home and fall apart in your boyfriend’s arms. However, a comment that is meant to be a joke turns in to a full blown argument between you and Mark; causing you to storm out of your shared apartment.

A/N: Hey guys, so this week has been pretty shitty. I had to pay $700 to get my car fixed only to have someone steal my muffler (Hawaii is not the paradise everyone paints it out to be) but I’m not letting it get in the way of my life. Anyways, this imagine was inspired by that deathbed coffee for your head song but literally just the first verse (the song is actually so sad). I also have a couple of surprises for you all! The last and final chapter of crazy little thing called love is in the works, and I’ve decided to make a part 2 to “nobody compares to you” by popular request, so stay tuned. I’m also a few followers away from 700 that’s crazy!! Anyways, happy reading!

Never in the four years of your relationship has Mark ever felt like he didn’t want to look at you. Hell, there was never a time he wasn’t looking at you. From the moment Mark first laid his eyes on you, he was captivated by your beauty in ways he has never experienced before.

Some days, he had to force himself to stop admiring your breathtaking looks so that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. After what took weeks of building up the courage to ask you out on a date, it didn’t take him long to realize that you were just as beautiful on the inside as you were on the outside. He honestly felt as if he was the luckiest man on earth to be the one who was extremely blessed to love you.

Unfortunately, the two of you had your first actual fight just a few hours prior and he honestly wishes he could go back in time and keep his mouth shut so that the two of you wouldn’t have been in this disheartening situation. Although there were a few times the two of you would disagree and have a couple quarrels here and there, this was the first time you actually stormed out of your shared apartment out of anger and frustration.

He was well aware that he went too far tonight; Mark knew you like the back of his hand. Just by your posture and the way you slammed your bag down on the counter, he had a feeling something bad must have happened at work. You were a registered nurse at your local hospital and as much as you wish you could say being a nurse was everything you could ever hope and pray it would be; it was quite the opposite.

Sure, you had the honor of witnessing many miracles such as pregnancies, watching patients win their battles against cancer—just being able to help anyone in need were a few perks that came with being a nurse. However, being a nurse also came with great responsibility. There were lives on the line and just the simplest mistake; giving a patient the wrong medication, scheduling the wrong surgery or assigning the wrong diet could really affect the lives of those you were in charge of.

Being a nurse was very exhausting; you were constantly on your feet for eight to ten hours a day and there were many people, either the patients or family members of the patients who always felt the need to take out their stress and worry on you. Tonight had been one of the most tiring and stressful days at work and there was nothing more you wanted to do than to change in to your pajamas and fall asleep in your boyfriend’s warm embrace. It was obvious Mark had other plans.

Normally, whenever you came home so distraught and obviously shaken up, Mark would do whatever he could to comfort you and make you feel better. He didn’t understand what got over him tonight though—what started as a joke about you leaving the dirty dishes from earlier that morning in the sink as his way to cheer you up turned in to hours of yelling at each other and getting at each other’s throats.

You told him he was a selfish, egotistical asshole who didn’t care about anyone but himself and he called you an aggressive bitch who takes things too seriously. As soon as he saw tears falling from your cheeks while you yanked at your purse and your keys that were still on the kitchen counter before storming outside, Mark was well aware that he fucked up. You weren’t a sensitive person; you did cry occasionally when work could be too much for you to handle, when you felt home sick being 3,000 miles away from your family or if there was a sad scene in a movie the two of you watched together then yeah—you would shed some tears, but it was only natural.

When you guys did argue—if ever—you did tear up out of irritation; but you never allowed Mark to see how much your little disputes would hurt you because you didn’t want to feel vulnerable. He may have been your boyfriend, but you didn’t want him—or anyone for that matter, taking advantage of how timorous and fragile you were as a person. It took him a while to process that you actually left. He was too focused on the fight; there were so many things he believed he wanted to say to you in the heat of the moment, but he knew it was best that he didn’t.

Now that he was all alone in the apartment, he felt like complete and utter shit. He knew the entire fight could have been prevented if he had just kept his mouth shut. What came over him that he felt the need to make such a stupid comment? You weren’t all that familiar when it came to California seeing as how you would only go out for work, with friends or with Mark.

California was different at night; it’s was more dangerous and scarier, even for your boyfriend who has been living there his entire life. Seeing as how your family lived in New York and you hardly made any friends in the couple years of living in the relatively sunny state other than a couple coworkers, he had no idea where you could have run off to. For all he knew, you were at a bar getting drunk off of your ass and someone could have been taking advantage of you—or worse, you could have been driving and got in to a car accident because of how frustrated you were.

From what he experienced with being in the passenger seat while you drove, he had to admit you weren’t exactly the best driver. You had two of the worst qualities a driver could have—impatience and anger. Normally, you were calm and collective. Even if life as a nurse could get very hectic and frantic at times, not once in your three years of working at the hospital did you show that you were on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Mark never understood how you did it—but you were very good at managing your time and completing your tasks while under pressure. Your driving however was a completely different story. As much as he could only hope and pray you were somewhere safe, it wasn’t enough to stop the many negative thoughts and scenarios that his conscience came up with. Out of force of habit, he turned on the news to make sure nothing bad happened to you—God, why didn’t he just keep his mouth shut? If he just gave up his pride and took in to consideration the stress you were under, you’d be cuddling in his arms right now while the two of you watch reruns of Cake Boss—but instead, you were out driving in the freezing cold, alone and angry. He had no idea what he should do; even if he were to give in and admit his faults first, what good would it do? You were just as stubborn as he was.

Knowing your headstrong tendencies, there was a big chance you would leave his messages unread and let his calls go to voicemail. He couldn’t blame you though, if it were the other way around and you were the one trying to get in touch with him, Mark would’ve ignored your attempts entirely. His guilty conscience got the best of him only after ten minutes; he knew there was no way he’d be able to go to sleep without finding out your whereabouts.

Mark: Hey. 11:56 p.m.

Mark: I’m sure you’re still mad at me and my apologies probably mean jack shit to you right now but just know that I am really fucking sorry. 11:56 p.m.

Mark: You don’t have to return my calls, but do you think you could at least let me know that you’re safe? 11:58 p.m.

Mark: I didn’t mean anything I said—you know me better than I know myself baby. I would never do or say anything to purposely hurt you. Fuck, the last thing I ever want to do is upset you y/n. I’m sorry I’ve made you so sad. 12:03 p.m.

Mark: I love you so much y/n. Please come home soon. 12:03 p.m.

He tossed his phone somewhere on the floor before releasing a frustrating groan—where could you have gone? A lot of places were closed at this time of hour and he decided that since you were driving, there was no way you could be drinking. Any club or bar was immediately crossed off of his list. There was also no way you’d go back to the hospital; it was painfully obvious that something occurred during your shift that made your mood sour—so you probably didn’t want to get near the establishment until you had to return back to work in the morning.

Shit, that’s right.

You had another shift in less than eight hours, God, Mark really felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. Knowing that there was a huge chance he wouldn’t be hearing from you any time soon, he decided to set up camp in the living room just in case you came back home and wanted to go straight to bed. He was also secretly hoping that you read his messages and forgave him; or at least felt a little less infuriated with him.

No matter how much he tried to take his mind off of you, there was nothing that could distract him. None of the many video games he owned nor the new unsolved mysteries series Netflix had to offer could ease his unsettling nerves. Something inside of Mark was telling him to go out and look for you, but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. Honestly, he wouldn’t even know where to start. California was huge—he’d probably drive in circles for hours.

The idea of getting in contact with his friends also popped in to his mind; you’ve grown close to his group of friends over the course of your relationship to the point where you could consider them all family. However, you were the kind of person who hated being a burden to others. You also didn’t want to involve anyone in your personal business unless you really had to.

All he could do was lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling; growing more and more irritated with himself as the minutes went by. Your disheartened facial expression was imprinted in the back of his mind—this was the first time you looked at him in a way other than lovingly and with so much adoration in your eyes. He hated it; hated himself even more.

He just really wanted you home safe.

Your boyfriend had no idea how long he was waiting for you; minutes felt like hours as he continued to lie on the couch, doing nothing. As soon as he heard the click of the door sound off, he abruptly sat up; not caring if he seemed too eager. He sincerely meant everything he said over text message—your health and your safety meant more to him than his stupid ego.

His heart began to race watching you walk in; there was nothing more he wanted to do than to run over to you and pull you in to his embrace while he repeatedly apologized for everything that he said and all the hurt he made you suffer through. For his inconsiderate actions, for not running after you, for allowing his pride and wanting to be the winner of the argument get in the way. But you looked so exhausted—so tired. Your body language spoke for you; it was evident that you were probably still hurt from his words and from what he learned with past experiences, you probably just wanted to go to sleep. He was curious if you got around to reading his messages or if you listened to his many voicemails.

His heart was begging him to get up and make his way over to you, but his mind didn’t want to make matters worse. Although he wanted to fix things immediately, he was going to wait for you to take control of the situation. You slowly took off your sandals and made your way in to the kitchen. The battle going on between his mind and his heart was currently consuming his thoughts; as much as he knew it would’ve been better to continue giving you his space, his heart had other plans.

You looked as though you saw a ghost when you heard him make his presence known and only then did Mark realize it was 2:15 in the morning. His chest hurt when he saw you tense up; he began regretting his decision. You obviously weren’t ready for reconciliation.

“What are you still doing up?”

You still had your back faced toward him, but he was going to take whatever he could get. Instead of continuing to ignore him, which is honestly what he felt he deserved, you actually responded to him. It had to be a good thing—right?

“I know you’re well aware that there was no way I’d be able to go to sleep knowing you were out all by yourself this late in a city you’re not all that familiar with. Especially because I was the reason. I—I was so worried.”

The tension in the room was thick; he was practically walking on eggshells while thinking about what to say next. You were the definition of a sensitive person and it was a trait of yours that Mark was still getting used to. It was the truth though—Mark cared about you more than he did anyone else on this hell forsaken earth. If something were to happen to you, he didn’t know what he would do with himself. You were his person. That man would die for you if he had to. He found himself reaching out to you as a force of habit, but he retracted his hand as soon as he realized what he was doing.

“Can we—can we talk?”

You took in a deep breath and finally allowed yourself to turn around and face him. There was no way around this—you knew as you drove around that he would want to talk sooner or later. When you saw that he was still awake, you weren’t surprised. Being with him for all these years, you’ve grown to learn that Mark never allowed you to go to bed angry. He was the type to want to solve your problems before you were to fall asleep.

The idea of you crying yourself to sleep because of something he said made his heart hurt. Only once in your entire relationship did you go to bed without listening to Mark’s apologies and it was because you didn’t want to deal with the drama any longer. He felt extremely bad that entire day though and when you arrived home that night, there was a bouquet of sunflowers, your favorite cake from your favorite bakery and a stuffed animal all sitting on the counter.

Mark was going to make sure you knew just how sorry he was, even if it meant having to sleep on the couch tonight. You were much more calm than you were when you first stormed out. Right after the fight, you went straight to your car and sat in it for a while; allowing yourself to breathe and come to your sense before driving away. Then, you decided to go drive around the city until you pulled up to a 24-hour coffee shop.

The exhaustion from your extremely stressful day was finally taking over you; and since you planned to stay out for at least another hour or two, you were going to need something that would keep you from falling asleep—and what better than a caramel macchiato with three shots of espresso? To your delight, you were the only customer there; you didn’t want anyone witnessing your breakdown as you cried quietly to yourself while remembering Mark’s harsh words that he directed towards you.

Mark was the only good thing going for you in your life at the moment; all you wanted to do was collapse in his arms and have him comfort you—you wanted him to run his fingers through your hair while you were perched up on his lap, hiding your face in the juncture of his neck. Every single time you had a rough day, whether it was because of work, or something else going on in your life; but your boyfriend was really good at taking your mind off of any problems, worries or negative thoughts that you had.

Coming home, only to hear him complain about how you didn’t wash your cereal bowl made your blood boil. You were scolded by your manager for almost giving a patient the wrong medication and it was the mistake of your colleague in training—yet you didn’t have the heart to confess that it wasn’t your fault. You understood how intimidating it was for first and second year residents; you’ve been there before, so you were fine taking the blame for something that you didn’t do. However, hearing your manager insult you and claim that you were inadequate and had no idea what you were doing made you feel as if it were true.

The last thing anyone in the medical field wanted to hear was that they weren’t good at their job. You didn’t go through so many years of crying over how hard clinicals were on top of pulling all-nighters every single week there was a test or exam just for someone to make you feel like you had no clue on how to complete the tasks given to you. This was the first time you were scolded for something that you didn’t think was all that bad; the medication the patient was meant to take helped with soothing a sore throat. The one that the medical resident gave them had to do with decreasing heartburn—it wasn’t like it was a life or death situation.

Mark never did anything to upset you purposely; sure, he had a tendency to leave the toilet seat up every now and then and sometimes he would get crumbs all over the couch, but that was as bad as it would get. When he called you a bitch, it genuinely felt like a slap to the face. It physically hurt and you couldn’t stop thinking about the way his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched in anger as he continued to say such hurtful things to you. At one point while you were drinking your coffee, it became bitter—which was odd considering how sweet it actually was and you found yourself no longer wanting to finish it.

Your argument with Mark was just taking up the entirety of your thought process that you were growing agitated with anything and everything. After reading his text messages and listening to a few of his voicemails, you didn’t know how to react. Mark Tuan was never the type to admit to his wrongdoings; he had so much pride and such a big ego—but not once did he ever use it towards you. You’ve watched the way he became ruthless while playing video games and said some things to his friends that you considered to be a joke; something he said to throw them off while being focused on winning.

Even at work, if he did something wrong, he’d never admit to his faults. That’s just who he was; so for him to say that he was wrong—that he didn’t mean a thing that he said and he shouldn’t have upset you at all gently pulled on your heartstrings and you found yourself throwing away the remainder of your beverage and making your way back to the apartment.

You weren’t sure what was going to happen once you were to walk in the door; he might have apologized, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he was going to talk to you or apologize again in person. Your mind would not let you get any rest; it was currently in a battle with your heart—your stupid, stupid heart that belonged to the man that made you feel like you were wrong for having a bad day.

That—you had no right to lash out on him. You wished he would have heard you out first before attacking you for something so small and unnecessary; he could’ve washed the damn dishes himself if he was so bothered. But your heart wouldn’t stop telling you to forgive him. His job could get extremely frustrating sometimes. It might not have been as time consuming or energy draining as yours, but there were times where he would need you to hold him every now and then because his executives expected so much out of him.

He probably had just as much of a hard day as you did—maybe he came home pissed off from something that happened at work and noticing that there was dishes in the sink that he knew were there from this morning got on his nerves. You felt like he could have handled it better though and you couldn’t help but think like he was growing tired of having to be your backbone; having to comfort you almost every single day on top of his own problems. Your mind wouldn’t stop coming up with all these thoughts and lies you knew weren’t true and you were well aware that it was best to start heading back to your place knowing that you had to be up again in less than five hours.

Seeing him practically leap at the sight of you walking through the door sent so many emotions to your chest. You hated any time spent away from him—there were occasions where your schedules would collide and the only time you would see him was right before bed or if you were coming home from a graveyard shift while he was getting ready to leave for his job.

The dried tears on his cheek confused you; he was the one who caused all of the drama and he had no problem making you feel like you were overreacting and being too sensitive. You were upset with yourself for wanting to walk over towards him and wrap your arms around him—but it was only natural for you to want to do so.

For the entire duration of your shift, he was all you could think about; the thought of Mark was what kept you sane throughout the entire day. No matter how upset he made you, he was still the love of your life—your best friend, your favorite person, your soulmate. One fight wasn’t going to tarnish or falter your feelings for him in any way.

Arguments were considered healthy in a relationship; sure, you could have done without the harsh words being thrown back and forth to one another, but you realized in the coffee shop that you would rather bicker and disagree with Mark every now and then for the rest of your life, then to have a relationship filled with constant joy and laughter with someone else.

It was obvious that he was probably just as tired as you were, but the thought of him staying up worrying about where you were and waiting for you to arrive back home filled your stomach with butterflies. You made your way towards the dining table and took a seat; you waited for him to make the first move because you didn’t know where to start.

“Did you—uh—happen to get my texts?”

You decided to keep your gaze on the cup of coffee he placed in front of you; you didn’t even notice him heating some up for you. Your boyfriend was very observant of the way that you practically lived on coffee; on the days you had morning shifts, he would set an alarm to wake up before you and prepared all the things you needed so that you had less to worry about—coffee being your number one necessity. If you were to look up at him, you were well aware that you would probably cry just at the thought of how considerate he was even under a negative circumstance.

“Yes. I didn’t have a chance to read them though.”

That was a lie. You read every single one of his messages; each message pulling on your heartstrings the more you continued scrolling through them. Although you no longer held any anger towards Mark, you didn’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt. A part of you also wanted to hear him apologize in person rather through messages—but you felt in your gut that he would sooner or later. Honestly, you wanted to wait until you were to come home from work tomorrow afternoon so that you were well rested enough to have the right mindset if another argument broke out.

“Oh. Well, I—For starters, I want to apologize for the way I acted towards you. I don’t know what made me say the things I did—I meant it as a joke but you obviously didn’t think it was funny and I don’t know why I expected you to. I’m so fucking sorry y/n. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it at all. I know I said some really cruel things in the heat of the moment, but I hope you know I didn’t mean any of it. You’re not a bitch nor are you over-emotional and you don’t get on my nerves. At all. I just—hearing you say those things about me sparked something inside that I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. It took every bone in my body not to run after you. I’ll admit, sure—it was because I wanted to give you your space, but I was also very prideful and still so irritated with the entire ordeal. I regret every single thing I said and did tonight as soon as I realized just how scary it is being out late at night by yourself. I’ve never hated myself more than I did in these last two hours worrying about where you could have gone and what you were doing. I couldn’t stop thinking about your broken expression as you grabbed your things and stormed out the door.”

His voice quickly grew shaky; you knew he was on the verge of crying again just by the tone of his voice. For some reason, you found yourself giving in to him and finally looked up. It felt like a slap to the face; seeing him with the most heart wrenching frown—not once in your relationship did you ever question Mark’s love for you and right now, hearing that he beat himself up for the last few hours while he was going crazy thinking of the many possibilities that something bad happened to you made you come to the realization that the beautiful man in front of you loved you more than you could ever fathom in to words.

“I know you’re tired from work—I don’t know why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut. If I could, I’d go back and prevent this entire night from happening. I was so fucking scared y/n. You don’t know California all that well; you could have taken a wrong turn and ended up on your way to Las Vegas—your car could have broken down in the middle of nowhere and someone could have came and—I don’t even want to think about it. I’m sorry for hurting you—I know you’re well aware that I would rather sit and suffer through listening to Yugyeom and BamBam screaming while playing MarioKart than to hurt you in any possible way. You don’t have to forgive me. Hell, scream at me; yell at me, hit me, do whatever you want to me. Just know that I’m extremely sorry, and I’ll do whatever I have to in order to get you to trust me again.”

He hesitantly stood up and didn’t even spare a glance at you before making his way back into the living room. You were upset that he didn’t give you any time to respond, but at the same time—you were extremely grateful. Right after he left you all alone at the table, you allowed the tears to flow freely from your eyelids as his apology continuously replayed in your mind. Whatever exhaustion you felt from earlier that disappeared right after you abruptly left the apartment was quickly returning—though, you didn’t know if you were physically tired or just mentally drained at this point.

You gave yourself a couple of minutes alone just to plan out what you were going to do. Going to sleep sounded like the most rational decision to make; especially because you were meant to wake up in less than four hours to work another long, grueling and tiresome ten-hour shift. But you didn’t want to go to bed on bad terms with Mark. If he was willing to give up his pride and raise the white flag first just to make sure you were well aware that he was extremely regretful and apologetic of his actions, then it was only righteous of you to forgive him. You got up from your seat and put away the cup of coffee before taking in a deep breath and making your way in to the living room.

The lights were off; but the lights from the hallway were still dimly lit enough for you to notice that Mark was lying down on the couch with a pillow and a blanket wrapped around him. This was the first time since you moved in together that you found him outside on the couch. A small smirk raised on your face—your boyfriend was always so courteous and considerate.

He began tossing and turning in order to find a sleeping position he would be comfortable in. Your couch was pretty spacious and the two of you have slept on it countless times while watching movies together, but you were sure he was probably bummed by your response or lack thereof. You walked over to the end of the couch and gently tapped his thigh with your knee to get his attention.

“What are you doing?”

Although there was barely enough light to even see his figure, you were able to see him shrug nonchalantly at your question—as if you already knew the answer.

“You’re still mad at me. I don’t want to make matters even worse. I’m giving you your space—“ You surprised both yourself and your boyfriend by flopping on top of him, earning yourself a soft whimper. Nonetheless, his hands made their way down towards your lower back without hesitance. His heart was racing against your chest; you had a feeling he wasn’t expecting for you to forgive him tonight let alone throw yourself in top of him. The two of you sat in silence for a couple of minutes, the only sound that could be heard was your breaths and his fingers tapping lightly on your skin. He placed a couple of gentle kisses on your jaw and gripped at your chin; lifting it up to make eye contact with you.

“I lied. I did read the messages and I cried like a baby—you ass. Okay, I’m gonna start off by admitting that there were some things I also said that were out of line and that I did not mean. You are not a bad boyfriend at all Mark—you are the best boyfriend—hell, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. A lot of what I said was because I was so pissed off at you. I had such a terrible day at work. I was scolded by my manager twice for things I didn’t do, I had to work two extra hours to help out because three people called in sick, I was thrown up on and my break was cut short because we were so low staffed today and everyone in California all seemed to have kidney malfunctions on the same damn day. All I wanted to do was fall apart in your arms and have you comfort me like you always do—but then I come home and you make a comment about how lazy I am and I just—I cracked. Normally you’re always so good at picking up on the fact that I’ve had shit days; so, for you to make me feel even worse when all I wanted to do was find solace in you—it made me so fucking sad. And then I went out and drove for a while but I came to the realization that it wasn’t a good idea for me to roam around in a city I’m not familiar with while I was fuming so I went to a coffee shop and just thought about everything.”

Feeling his grip on your hips tighten only made it evident that your words had an effect on him. Sure, you were telling your side of the story and you had every right to—Mark deserved to hear what an asshole he was towards you—the last person in his life that he ever wanted to hurt. But he could just picture you sitting in your car; sobbing and blaming yourself like you’ve done multiple times in the past even if it wasn’t your fault. You were the kind of person who had a tendency to think you were the reason why things went wrong.

Usually, it was in situations at work; but he couldn’t help but feel as if you were beating yourself up about the argument that could have honestly been prevented if he observed your posture and body language and just kept his mouth shut. You wiped away a tear that fell from his cheek before placing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“I wanted to continue giving you your space, but I had so many negative thoughts running through my mind. I was so, so worried about you. Baby I am so fucking sorry—“ you playfully pinched his cheek before covering his mouth with your hand.

“No more apologies okay? Our argument is in the past. I just want you to know what happened and why I decided to return back so soon. If I’m being honest with you, I was planning on staying out until I had to head in to work again but sleeping in my car is not the most easiest thing to do. You hurt me Mark—I know it wasn’t purposely but for a few minutes, I actually contemplated on staying at a hotel or something. I didn’t want to see you for the rest of the night and I hated that I felt like that—even if it was for a split second. I always want you Mark. Every second—every minute—every hour spent away from you is spent thinking about you. What you’re doing, if you ate your meals on time, how you’re doing, if you miss me the way I can’t stop missing you, when I’ll get to see you next—then I got your message and they just solidified the love you have for me. Not that I ever questioned it once in our three years of dating. I’m sorry about the dishes—I’m sorry if I haven’t been myself these last few days but please Mark—I’m not acting this way on purpose. I’m so tired. You’re the only reason why I don’t end up in a mental institution at the rate I’m going. I’ll try to be better okay? I love you too by the way—so much.”

The longer you spoke, the more tears fell from his eyes knowing how you must’ve felt so unhappy while overthinking the argument and just your entire day in general and he just felt so angry with himself. It was one thing for him to think about how much the argument must have bothered you, but it was another thing to hear you confess what had happened at work before coming home to a nagging and complaining boyfriend.

He felt sick to his stomach and it was even more upsetting because he didn’t have the right words to explain just how sorry he was nor did he know what to do to make it known that he was regretful of the entire situation. Your boyfriend didn’t give you any time to prepare; he cupped your face in his hands and roughly connected your lips together. His lips were chapped and dry and tasted like salt from the tears. However, his movements were dominant and quick; his desire and need to kiss you was all that was on his mind at the moment.

He wanted you to feel how much he loved you and how remorseful he was through the kiss. His tongue pushed down all but gently against your bottom lip before bringing it in between his teeth. The kiss continued to deepen the longer your tongues battled for dominance; any anger you held for your boyfriend was completely gone at this point. As much as you loved the way his lips melded perfectly against yours, you were finally feeling the wave of exhaustion re-enter your body and to Mark’s disappointment, you pulled away and placed your forehead against his.

“Babeeeee—“

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

You got up from off of him and reached your hand out in order to help him up. Mark was the definition of a clingy boyfriend—everyone who knew the two of you both witnessed and heard just how possessive he was over you and how he constantly had to be touching on you. But nobody ever complained—it was so adorable. He wrapped his arms around your stomach and placed his head on your shoulder while letting you guid the two of you towards your shared bedroom. You attempted to escape his hold in order to move around freely, but he had other plans and continued to cling to you like a sloth.

“Babe, I have to get ready for bed—“

“You can get ready while I hold you.”

“I can’t take off my scrubs with your arms around me.”

“I guess that means I have to take them off for you—it would be my pleasure baby.” You rolled your eyes and gently shoved him while grabbing one of his shirts and making your way towards the bathroom.

“Baby?” You hummed in curiosity and gingerly smiled at him.

“It’s already 3 in the morning. Maybe you should call in sick. I don’t like the thought of you going to work with barely any amount of sleep and I know we’ve moved on from our argument—but it’s only human for you to think about it again. I don’t want you getting yelled at again if your manager senses that you’re tired. Plus, you’ve been working so much this last month. I know you love your job, but it’s okay to take a well deserved rest once in a while—“

He had a point. Besides Mark, work was your ultimate priority. Sometimes, you put the hospital before your own health and private life. There were occasions where Mark would invite you out with him and his friends, but a lot of the time, you would either be at work or sometimes be called in as you started getting ready. Working so much led to over exhaustion every now and then but no matter how sick you felt—whether it was a cold, the flu or nausea, you would still find yourself tending to patients. It was something Mark wasn’t all too fond of; especially because your boyfriend seemed to be the only one genuinely concerned about your well-being.

As soon as you finished your nighttime routine, you wasted no time making your way towards where Mark was sitting on the bed and crawled on top of him. He gave you a tired yet toothy grin and pulled you close to his chest. His hands returned to your lower waist and he even playfully pinched your butt; earning himself a slap to the shoulder. You brought one of your hands in to his hair while cupping his cheek lovingly with the other.

“I know you don’t want me apologizing anymore, but I just want to say sorry one last time. I can’t promise we won’t argue again—we’re both stubborn as hell—but I promise to be more patient; more understanding. And I don’t want you leaving—you really did worry me baby. I love you so much y/n. I’m sorry if what I said earlier made you question my love for you—but I love you. I’ve loved you for the last three years and I plan on loving you for the rest of my life.” You placed a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth before smashing your cheek against his chest.

“I love you too. A lot more than I get around to telling you. Fine. If I stay home tomorrow, you owe me.” He gently pulled away from you and began wiggling his brows.

“Oh, and what do you have in mind? You know babe, we don’t need to wait till tomorrow, I can give you what you deserve right now. I’ll take such good care of you—“

“I don’t mean sex you horny ass, I meant you make me breakfast in bed or prepare a bath for me. If I’m calling in sick, I want a relaxing day off.” He gave you an adorable pout while playfully hiding his face in between your breasts and whining softly.

“Making love can be relaxing. Come on Y/n, it’s been almost a week since I had your pretty lips around my cock. I’m sex deprived. As much as I prefer you topping me and riding my cock like the professional cowgirl you are, I’ll take the lead. I’ll eat your pussy out until you cry—fuck you till you scream. Might as well you call out for the entire week. I think you and I both know angry makeup sex is the best sex. Don’t lie y/n, you miss having me inside of you just as much as I miss feeling your tight walls wrapped around me—“

“I think I made a mistake telling you to come in here. Go back to the couch.”

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 mark

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et-lesailes · 4 years ago

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title: break point

pairing: ransom drysdale x personalized reader

word count: 3050

summary: when your ex boyfriend’s mom comes to you in need of help for his horrible behavior and attitude during his house arrest, you give in and see what you can do. things definitely do not turn out as planned.

themes: angst, smut

taglist: @evanstush, @tanyam93, @bval-1, @wonderwinchester, @patzammit, @rohaintahquil, @deidrashouseofpain, @sammyslonglostshoe, @jadedhillon, @bohemian-barbie, @whysparker, @sebastian-i-stan, @sebabestianstan101, @lille-kattunge, @teller258316, @peach-acid, @allsortsofinterests, @xoxabs88xox, @heyiamthatbitch, @cptn-sgrogers, @heyyouwiththeassbutt, @bangtan-serendipity, @troublermalik, @beardburnsupersoldiers, @bookish-shristi, @kind-sober-fullydressed, @gingerninjaprincess16, @straightforwardly, @denisemarieangelina, @frencchfries, @xlanawriter, @littlemoistcarrot, @pottxrwolff, @arianatheangelworld, @ifuseekamyevans, @southerngracela, @nsfwsebbie, @rororo06, @savemesteeb, @raveviolet, @hurricanerinwrites, @captainamerica-is-bae, @shaddixlife, @tessa-bl, @marvelouspottering, @pppsssyyyccchhhiiiccc, @thegetawaywriter, @dwights-new-plague, @rynabarnesrogers, @fckdeusername, @doloreschanal, @ssworldofsw

notes: thank you so much @capsicleimpala for requesting this, i absolutely loved writing it and it was such a creative idea! i really hope you love it :) also, in this story, fran survived lol. i don’t think ransom would be able to only have house arrest for being a direct murderer, even with a rich lawyer hehe *** for anyone interested in commissioning me, please check out this post !

When you hear the television inside as you’re in the process of inserting your key into the lock of your upscale apartment door, you freeze. Last time you checked, you didn’t have a roommate, and you definitely didn’t have a significant other hanging out in there. Your heart starts racing. Should you call the police? Ever since making it big in tennis, competing in all sorts of national and international tournaments, you’ve had a lot of crazy fans vying for your attention. Some do it in sweet ways, and others… not so sweet. However, no one’s actually ever showed up at your home.

You take a deep breath and twist the lock, pushing the door open anyways. There’s no way the man at the front desk would just let anyone walk right up. Perhaps it’s maintenance?

But no. Instead of seeing a worker dressed in uniform and fixing a leak, you see Linda Drysdale lounging in the armchair of your living room, legs crossed with a naturally unamused demeanor as her blue eyes flicker across the flat screen TV. She glances up at you as if she’s lived there her entire life, eyebrow lifted. “Finally. I didn’t realize tennis practice took so much time, how many methods can possibly be involved in hitting a ball back and forth?”

You look at her in disbelief for a few moments, trying to process that your ex-boyfriend’s mother is inside your home right now despite the fact that you and Ransom broke up three years ago. You aren’t even offended by her words; you’re aware of how blunt and straightforward the seemingly harsh lady can be- she was practically a true mother-in-law to you when you and Ransom were dating. You finally speak. “Linda. What are you doing here? You can’t just- how did you even-”

“The young man in the lobby clearly isn’t getting paid enough. A twenty was all it took. Might want to move somewhere else before he just casually allows a serial killer to walk in.” She rolls her eyes, then mumbles under her breath, “Or my son.”

“What?” you ask, and she shakes her head, looking up with a slight authoritative smile crossing her lips. “We need to talk, Y/N. I’m just going to get straight to the point. My son is ruining his life, as per usual, and I’ve had enough of it. I did everything I could to get him out of this damn lawsuit, to keep him out of jail, and he’s just-- Christ, he’s an ungrateful brat, that’s what he is.” She looks fed up, the sharpness in her eyes seeming as though she’s ready to strangle the man. “Drinking himself to death, fucking a new girl every night, on every single drug you can think of-- he’s a little piece of shit, even without being able to leave the house.”

“And you’re telling me all of this, why…?”

“Because he loves you.” She states simply, and you hate that the words make your heart race. “I know he still loves you, and that you’re the only girl on this planet he’ll ever love. He’ll listen to you, Y/N,” she insists, “and so you need to go see him. Better yet, just date him again. He was a significantly better person when he was with you.”

You look at her shocked, slowly shaking your head as you let out a quiet scoff. “Linda. He tried to kill someone. He’s the reason your father died. How can you ask me to go back to him? Why do you even care what happens to him, after everything he did?”

“Because he’s my son. And maybe you’ll understand one day, when you have a child of your own. But what I understand is that you could turn him into someone his family can approve of. Or, at least, even tolerate.” She adds with a roll of her eyes before continuing, “He tried to be good for you, Y/N, you know that.”

“Good?” You look at her incredulously, starting to get a little heated. “He told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore just because I was trying to have my own career! He couldn’t stand me putting so much time into tennis. He hated me playing tennis. That’s not what a “good” boyfriend does, okay? It’s not my responsibility to fix him back up when he couldn’t even be a support for me in the first place.”

She quickly waves her hands, frowning slightly. “Okay, okay. Fine, don’t think about getting back together with him. Just see him, at least. Please.” She sighs deeply, looking down for a moment as she rubs her temples before looking back up at you. “I’m begging you here, Y/N. I can’t just stand here and watch this boy waste all my hard earned money for his own selfish needs. Hell, if I could, I’d just stick him in jail now if I could. He doesn’t deserve this freedom at this point.”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest as you look away. “What a nurturing mother,” you mumble under her breath, and although she hears you, she doesn’t remark on it. She sighs again instead, looking at you somewhat frustrated and helpless. “Just go over to his house, only for an hour. Talk to him. Convince him to stop being such a prick.”

You look at her somewhat frustrated, but finally sigh. You are the only one who’s ever been able to get through to Ransom, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t concerned when you heard the news. The Ransom you knew was an asshole, but he certainly wasn’t a murderer. Something clearly changed in him since you broke up with him, and so maybe Linda was right.

“An hour.” You finally agree, though give her a warning look. “And if he gets disrespectful or crosses any lines, I’m leaving. I’m not a miracle worker, Linda.” She looks relieved nonetheless, immediately nodding her head. “Of course. Thank you, Y/N.” The two of you stand there for a moment before she lifts an eyebrow, looking at you. “Well? Get over there before he gives himself alcohol poisoning.” You blink, about to protest but sigh. You figure it’s best to get this over with anyways- if you don’t, you’ll be up all night stressing about it. “Fine. But you need to leave first, you can’t- you can’t just hang out in my house when I’m not here, you know?”

“Oh, I’m leaving. This place is a shoebox.” Linda looks around somewhat disdainfully before pausing, looking to you with a smile. “But you’ve… decorated it very well.” You roll your eyes, gesturing to the door. “Goodbye, Linda.”

Her smile remains as she nonchalantly waves, heading out the door.

As you come up to Ransom’s door, your heart is racing. You can hear loud music and obnoxious giggling from inside, no doubt Ransom is throwing some kind of get together- or probably more of an intimate gathering featuring scantily clad women who throw themselves at his good looks and money. You glance over at his BMW shining in the driveway, barely scoffing to yourself. Of all the things to keep intact, he would make sure it was his car. You were with him when he bought that car, and it was probably one of the only “girls” he had ever loved in his life.

You being the other one, of course. You know that at one point, Ransom Drysdale loved you. You can’t help but wonder if that’s still the case.

You take a deep breath and ring the doorbell. The talking and laughing doesn’t stop; these girls are clearly unbothered, but you hear footsteps.

And then he appears, dressed in a t-shirt and perfectly fitting jeans, his brown hair slightly tousled and his cocky smirk across his lips- until his intoxicated brain registers who you are. He blinks in surprise, smile fading from his lips for just a split second- then quickly returns to his normal self, most likely realizing he absolutely must look composed and confident. “Y/N. I knew you’d come crawling back to me eventually. Took you a while, though, I’m kinda busy right now.”

You stare at him for a few moments; you thought you’d be nervous and apprehensive, but now, as if by magic, any feeling of uncertainty slips away. It’s almost impressive how he has this effect on people, but within less than one minute of this conversation, you’ve already had enough.

“Shut the fuck up, Ransom.” You find yourself saying, suddenly pushing right past him and grabbing his arm in the process. “We need to talk.” You practically drag him into the kitchen, ignoring the confused and even irritated looks of the half naked women on his couch clearly having been in the middle of enjoying his attention. It’s surprisingly easy to maneuver him, most likely because he’s a little too drunk.

“Wow, hellcat. You really missed me, huh? Unable to find anyone who’s a better fuck than me, I take it? Alright, alright, I’ll squeeze you in. I have to say, I definitely missed your tight little-”

He’s cut off by a sharp sting on his cheek when you slap him across the face, his lips parting into a shocked ‘o’ almost immediately as his blue eyes stare at you in complete shock. Even you’re a little shocked upon where this sudden boldness is coming from, but you decide you’re on a roll and that there’s no need to question it. You came here to say something, and you’re going to say it. You don’t even let him respond. Not that he has the words to, anyways.

“Who the fuck are you anymore, huh? Why are you acting like this? And not just a douchebag fuckboy, either, but a full on killer? What the hell is going through your brain?” you practically scream at him, and he blinks in surprise before his features suddenly become defensive. “What, do you think it has to do with you? Our break up? You think I’m just so tormented, torn apart, that I’m not over you?”

“I- no, when the fuck did I say-”

“Well then why are you here, Y/N? Why do you, of all people, need to be here right now? Who are you to come show your concern and your goddamn disgust when you’re the one who dumped me?!” His voice is just as loud as yours if not louder, the vein in his neck bulging from anger, his eyes practically a shade darker. You throw your hands up in frustration, retorting, “Why does that even matter, Ransom? Can I not be concerned that the former love of my life turned into a goddamn murderer? Am I not allowed to be a little confused that my ex-boyfriend turned into a fucking psychopath?”

“Former, huh?” His voice suddenly gets low, dangerously low. “So that’s it? You found someone else? Some prissy, preppy tennis playing fuck who lets out the same little grunts and groans out on the court, in the bedroom too? That your type, Y/N? A skinny little-”

“You were my type, Ransom!” you practically scream now, glaring up at him in complete fury. “You know what my type was? Confident, funny, manly, someone who wanted me to be safe and someone who was so thoughtful he remembered everything I liked and disliked, who wanted to do everything he could to make my life better because he knew how to be selfless! Do you even know what that word means now?!”

“Well maybe I became this way because you decided to prioritize tennis! You don’t think that’s a little damn selfish?!”

“Are you-- God, you know what? Maybe you’ve always been this fucking ridiculous, and maybe I was blind. Maybe this is all my fault, Ransom, because I trusted the wrong person. I can’t even fucking believe I-”

And then his lips suddenly crash against yours, his hands grabbing your waist and pinning your small frame against the cool counter, a husky growl of frustration escaping his throat as he kisses you. Rough. You gasp, starting to press your hands against his chest, wanting to push him off… until you don’t. You’re kissing him back fiercely, though still angry as ever, moving your hands to grip his muscular biceps as you dig your nails in. “I fucking hate you,” you hiss against his lips, and he scoffs in between kisses, barely groaning from the feeling of your sharp nails leaving indents in his skin. He’s turned on, and you know it.

“No you fucking don’t.”

There’s no need for foreplay. There’s no time or patience for that. After easily sitting you up on the counter, he pulls your shirt up over your head only to connect your lips again, his teeth pulling on your lower lip roughly as he unhooks your bra and tosses it aside. His hands find your gym shorts and shove them down- he quite literally rips your underwear off, making you let out a muffled squeal of surprise into his open mouth. When you feel his fingers slide up your thigh and rub up against your wet folds, you let out a shaky gasp, moving your hands to grip his shoulder blades through his tee. “O-oh…!”

“You’re fucking soaked for me, cupcake.” His other hand moves up to grip the back of your neck, fingers curling into your brown locks. Despite the distraction of the haze of pleasure rushing through your brain and body, you can’t help but note his fond pet name for you. Every time you got stressed, you’d bake- Ransom would always lovingly make fun of you for this, hence how “cupcake” began. However, he doesn’t give you much time to dwell on this- perhaps on purpose. He’s most likely realized he fucked up, God forbid he show any sign of affection. You let out a short moan when his broad fingers rub your clit, his other hand using the grip on your hair to tilt your head up so your brown eyes are locked firmly onto his blue ones.

“You like that? You see what you’ve left behind for these past few years? You couldn’t possibly have forgetten how good I fuck you, right?” he speaks through husky breaths, panting just as much as you as he rubs. You moan lewdly, though your teeth clench in frustration. “Just fuck me already, Ransom, stop… stop fucking talking…”

He snickers and suddenly stops rubbing, leaving you feeling slightly disappointed despite the fact you asked for it. Hastily unbuckling his belt and pushing down his jeans and briefs, he wraps his fingers around his throbbing length, groaning lowly to himself as he pumps his shaft. Pressing it against your entrance, he wastes no time in thrusting inside you, gripping your hips tightly as a grunt of pleasure escapes his throat.

“Fuck. Fuck. I forgot… how fucking tight… your pussy feels around my cock…” he groans with half shut eyes as he bucks his hips forward, tilting his head back. “God damn!”

“Ransom!” You hear a girl’s voice come from the kitchen doorway, gasping from both surprise and pleasure as you look up- normally, you’d be embarrassed, but right now, you couldn’t care less. You’re still riding the rush of adrenaline from your rage towards this man, but before you can even comment, he sharply yells at her, “Get the fuck out of here, and take your damn bimbo sluts with you- I don’t fucking need any of you anymore!”

She stares at both of you angrily before grunting in annoyance, whirling around. You moan as Ransom thrusts into you even rougher, your hands sliding up under his shirt to feel his skin, nails once again digging in to relieve your tension. “Mm… mm… don’t… fucking stop…!” you cry out as you hitch your legs high up around his waist, letting him get a better angle as he continues fucking you in the middle of his kitchen. Your body is practically being rocked upwards from how powerful he is, your head buried into his neck as you bite and suck desperately only making him groan even more.

“You still on birth control?” he breathes out gruffly into your shoulder as his hands cup your ass, his teeth nipping and biting harshly. “You still getting checked regularly for STDs?” you retort breathlessly, though to be honest, you’re not worried about that despite his recent history. He may treat his things like shit, but he keeps himself well maintained all to uphold his little rich boy image. He’s actually much more hygienic than one would imagine, and has standards with the women he sleeps with despite coming off as such a playboy.

“Yes, just let me fucking know if I can-”

“Yes, yes, I’m on birth control, come inside me,” you whine demandingly, moving your hands up to grip his brown hair tightly, messing it up even more than before. He smirks, grunting louder as he uses his hold on your ass to rock your hips towards his, the sound and feel of skin slapping putting you into overdrive. “Ransom…! Shit, Ransom, I’m close, fuck, I’m coming!” He groans just from hearing you, chest heaving as he keeps going, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. “Come for me, doll, fuck…!”

Your release combined with the sensation of his inside you is euphoric. As much as you hate to admit it, you missed sex like this. You certainly haven’t had it since you broke up.

He pulls out with heavy breaths, staring at you for a few moments. You swear you catch a glimpse of the old Ransom, the one you fell in love with, the one who would never actually hurt anyone despite coming off as such an asshole.

“Don’t push me away.” You suddenly speak quietly through uneven breaths, slowly wrapping your arms around his neck as you stare up at him.

His hands are still holding your hips, those pacific hues studying every inch of your face with all types of conflict and concern spread across his sharp, handsome features.

“I don’t want to.”

#ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale smut #ransom drysdale imagine #ransom drysdale fanfiction #ransom drysdale x you #rhee commissions

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much-obliged-timothy · 4 years ago

Text

So I was reading a fanfic for a different fandom where a character ends up the single father of an oops baby and...

Anyway, here’s a totally self-indulgent “what if Tim accidentally had a child” fic ft. Rhys accidentally befriending the kid and being very panicked about it (and yes I will be more than happy to write more of this weird AU if anyone wants to read it)

Rhys paced his office nervously. “Zer0, did I make a mistake? Oh my god. I can’t believe I agreed to employ a doppelganger of Handsome Jack.”

The vault hunters had contacted him with an absolutely bizarre story. While invading Handsome Jack’s casino, they’d found his sole surviving doppelganger, a man named Timothy Lawrence. Timothy had been all too eager to get out of the casino once they’d claimed it for themselves, but had nowhere to go and, they’d warned, was lacking a bit in his social skills after seven years of being locked in a casino where almost everyone wanted him dead.

Still, the man had apparently proved highly adept at business when they needed help getting issues for the casino sorted. Moxxi thought he’d be an asset to Rhys, appearances aside.

Rhys had them send over a resume and some examples of Timothy’s work, and was surprised to find that Tim was actually highly skilled at business negotiations and research. He had experience helping Hyperion develop new weapons and other various tech, and had worked as a vault hunter for Jack at one point, giving him valuable combat experience.

So Rhys had agreed to take him on, at least on a trial period to see how things went. Today was the day Tim would arrive, and Rhys couldn’t stop fretting that Tim would be too similar to Jack to bear.

“He helped Jack rise to power, they said,” Rhys babbled, his anxiety growing. “What if he’s just like Jack? I don’t think I can take that ego again. This is such a mistake!”

Zer0 watched him pace, but offered no comfort. He didn’t seem to have any concerns over the situation.

There was a knock on the door and Rhys froze, shooting a look at Zer0. Zer0 touched his gun then gestured to the door, a silent assurance that he would handle it if things got out of hand.

Rhys didn’t enjoy the thought of anyone being shot in his office, but he enjoyed the thought of being protected from Handsome Jack 2.0. “Come in.”

The door swung open and in came Handsome Jack. Rhys stared at his face for a long moment before shaking himself. Tim’s hair was longer than Jack’s, the mask on his face cracked. He had a cybernetic hand that was fidgeting with the visitor badge pinned to his jacket. He certainly had Jack’s sense of how to dress for the job; he wore jeans and a hoodie with a jacket over it instead of anything dressy.

Tim noticed Rhys eyeing his clothes and shifted awkwardly. “Uh, sorry. No money to buy anything nicer right now. I’m Timothy Lawrence. I know the mask has to go, too, but I’m arranging to have these stupid clips removed with it.”

Rhys processed his words, but only distantly. When Tim had shifted, he’d revealed that he wasn’t alone.

Tim again noticed where Rhys’s gaze went, and fidgeted more with his pass. “So, the job? Moxxi got me set up with a place to live nearby for now. I just moved in yesterday, so I’m ready to start whenever you need me to.”

Rhys continued staring. He had not been informed that Tim wouldn’t be coming alone.

Tim sighed quietly and nudged the little boy out from behind his legs. The boy stared distrustfully at Rhys, clutching a tattered teddy bear with the Hyperion logo on its stomach to himself.

“This is my son, Phoenix,” Tim explained. “I, uh, don’t exactly have a sitter. Hard to have contacts when you’ve been locked in a casino for seven years.”

Obviously Tim had found a way to pass the time. The boy couldn’t be any older than five or six, with skin a few shades darker than Tim’s, messy, ruddy hair, a splattering of freckles over his cheeks and nose, and hazel eyes. His left eye had a familiar strip of blue amongst the hazel.

“You said I get my own office? Can I see it?” Tim said, shooting Rhys a pleading look.

“Oh, um, right, yes,” Rhys said, fixing his already straight tie.

“Hey, stay here. We’ll be right back,” Tim said.

The boy’s eyes widened in terror, but Tim smiled and ruffled his hair. Phoenix clutched at Tim’s jacket.

“I’ll be right back,” Tim repeated. “That guy there? He was a vault hunter, just like I was. He’ll keep an eye on you for a few minutes.”

Phoenix looked over his shoulder at Zer0. His curiosity seemed to win out over his distrust as he eyed Zer0.

Tim took the opportunity to slip out of the room, Rhys following. They walked in awkward silence until they reached the office Rhys had secured for Tim.

“Okay,” Tim said, shutting the door as soon as they were inside. “Look, I kinda had a, uh, thing with a friend named Ember. We’d been stuck in that casino for a while at that point and everyone was trying to kill me and we just- got careless a few times. Phoenix was born in that damned place. He lived his whole life in there, hidden between me, Ember, and a friend of Ember’s from the vice district. Ember told me to take him with me to Promethea so he could experience life in the real world. Not that this shithole planet is fancy living, but-” He stopped and groaned. “Sorry, injected with Jack’s DNA. Anyways, please, he’s scared to be alone.”

No one had warned Rhys that in addition to getting a traumatized employee, he’d be getting the man’s traumatized son as well. But what was he going to do? Turn him out onto the streets?

Rhys sighed quietly. He hated kids, mostly because he had no idea how to talk to them and they frightened him.

“He can’t go into meetings with you,” he said at last.

Tim looked so relieved that Rhys didn’t even regret the decision. “Thank you. Really, thank you. Oh, finally, a CEO who isn’t an absolute dick. He’s no trouble, really. He’ll stay in my office with me, and he thinks everyone wants to kill him so it’s not like he’ll go bothering anyone.”

At Rhys’s startled look, Tim grimaced. He touched his mask and shrugged.

“Look, I’m not going to lie. My kid is…” He cursed softly. “I didn’t want that for him. But I had no choice. I started teaching him about guns when he was three. We taught him how to hide, and not to trust anyone. It was the only way we could keep him safe. It’s going to take time to break him of all that. B-But I’m a good worker! I won’t make you regret this! Well, I mean, the occasional Jack moments probably will, but other than that, no regrets. I hope.”

This was too much to handle right now. “You need to go get fingerprinted downstairs. Then we’ll get you settled and go over your schedule and duties.”

Business. He could do business. He couldn’t do a traumatized Handsome Jack doppelganger with a paranoid son.

“Right, let me just go let Phoenix know,” Tim said, opening the office door.

“That’s a cool name,” Rhys said as they started along the hallway.

Tim shrugged again. “Ember wanted something with fire. I guess we thought it was fitting, since he was born in the wake of Jack’s death and my, uh, sort of freedom. I mean, I still had a bomb in my face and was trapped in a casino. But no more Jack ordering me about.”

He at least didn’t sound bothered by Jack’s death, so Rhys took some comfort in the fact that Tim appeared not to hold any loyalty to his former boss. Moxxi had claimed Timothy hated Jack, but Rhys was still worried after everything he’d been through with the AI Jack.

They stepped back into Rhys’s office, and Phoenix was immediately back at his father’s side, clutching Tim’s jacket in one hand and his bear in the other. Tim squeezed his shoulder and gently pried his hand off.

“I need to go get fingerprinted, Phoenix,” he said. “I’m just going to be right downstairs.”

The kid looked torn. Rhys felt a flash of pity.

“It should only be fifteen minutes if they’re not busy,” he said. Maybe knowing how long Tim would be gone would calm the kid.

“Fifteen minutes,” Tim said, smiling. “That’s nothin’, pal. I take longer in the shower.”

“You take forever in the shower,” Phoenix said, but grabbed Tim’s jacket again.

Once again, Tim gently pried his hand away. “Fifteen minutes, pal. Then I’ll be back.”

Phoenix watched his father leave the room and began to pace silently, keeping Rhys, Zer0, and the door in view as he did so. He was rubbing the band of a watch strapped to his wrist, far too big for him. Rhys realized it was a digistruct watch, and sat down in the hopes he wouldn’t spook the kid into summoning whatever was stored in there.

Phoenix kept shooting a look to Rhys’s cybernetic arm, looking like he wanted to say something. He kept snapping his eyes back to the door, but his gaze would drift back to the arm.

Rhys finally held it up. “It’s, uh, it’s an Atlas cybernetic. State of the art.”

“Dad has one,” he said, holding up his hand. “He lost his hand in the casino.”

“That’s because Handsome Jack is a controlling asshole,” Rhys said, then snapped his mouth shut. Shit, could he swear in front of kids? Was that legal?

But Phoenix stared at him, slowing his pacing. “You knew him?”

“Sort of,” Rhys said, rubbing the back of his neck. “We...worked together? Sort of? He tried to kill me. Not a good time.”

The distrust on his face evaporated a little. “He locked my mom and dad in the casino. Dad said he’s a freaking asshole. But I’m not s’posed to call anyone else that word.” He pointed to his eye with the sliver of blue in it. “Dad said that was Jack’s last ‘screw you’.”

Rhys stared at Zer0 for help. He hadn’t expected to shit talk Jack with a little kid today, and wasn’t sure what to do now that it had started.

“Much more lively now/He must like you a lot Rhys/You have made a friend,” Zer0 said.

“You talk funny,” Phoenix said.

“He speaks in haikus,” Rhys explained. “Well, mostly.”

Phoenix frowned. “I dunno that language. My mom speaks French.”

Rhys laughed in surprise. “Oh, no, it’s not a language. It’s a type of poetry.”

“Oh,” Phoenix said, then shrugged in a movement that perfectly mimicked Tim’s.

Rhys couldn’t help but stare a little as the boy resumed his pacing. He wondered if any of his features had been inherited from Tim’s original appearance. He wondered if it was hard for Tim to look at his kid and see both himself and Jack in him.

Rhys busied himself with paperwork to keep from staring any longer. However, as fifteen minutes passed, and then another five, and then even more, Phoenix’s pacing grew faster.

He rubbed at the band of his watch more, eyes locked on the door. He looked terrified, checking the time yet again and hugging his bear tighter.

“They were probably just busy,” Rhys said, because as much as he didn’t like kids, he felt bad seeing one break down right in front of him. “He’s okay.”

“What if he’s dead?” His voice cracked a little and he paced even faster, clutching the bear so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

Rhys got up and slowly approached. “Hey. Hey, Phoenix. It’s safe here, okay? No one here will hurt him. I promise.”

“But he looks like that freaking asshole!” Phoenix said, pointing at his eye again.

“I know, but I warned my people he’d be coming today. They all know he isn’t really Jack. No one is going to hurt your dad,” Rhys assured. Phoenix still looked scared and frantic, so Rhys tried a different approach. He held his cybernetic hand out and let an image come up in his palm. “Have you ever seen a skag before?”

Phoenix nodded his head, looking torn between watching the door and looking at the holographic image. “Uh-huh. But just one.”

Rhys let the holograph play out. “Look how they run! I got stuck on Pandora years ago, and these things were scary.”

“Pandora?” He tugged at the ear of his bear. “Dad said it’s a shithole. I’m not s’posed to say that, though. Mom gets mad and says dad has a dirty mouth.”

“It kind of is a shithole,” Rhys agreed. “Promethea is much better. I think you’ll like it here. You and your dad can explore this weekend when he’s not working.”

His eyes shot to the door again. “But he’s not back!”

“He’ll come back,” Rhys said. “I won’t let anyone hurt him while he’s here. I promise.”

His eyes widened and he looked at Rhys. He seemed torn between distrust and hope.

The matter was settled as Tim reappeared in the room, looking out of breath. “Sorry. Some freaking idiot down there couldn’t find her ID and held up the whole line. I- Umph!”

Phoenix launched himself at Tim, wrapping his little arms around Tim’s waist tightly. There were tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

“Hey, hey.” Tim knelt down and hugged him, kissing his head. “I’m okay. I’m right here, pal. I’m okay. I’m sorry I took so long.”

He stood up with Phoenix in his arms, running gentle fingers through his messy hair. Phoenix nuzzled his head against Tim’s neck, wiping at his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Tim said, kissing him again. “I have shitty time management skills. Oops, don’t tell your mom I swore again.”

Phoenix put an arm around Tim’s neck to hold onto him. “Dad, this guy showed me a skag. On his hand!”

“‘This guy’ is my boss,” Tim said. “A skag, huh? Can’t say I missed Pandora’s brand of cannon fodder creatures.”

“You and me both,” Rhys said, standing up.

“Can you show dad?” Phoenix said, pointing to Rhys’s hand. “They look so stupid.”

Rhys brought up the image again. With his dad safely back with him, Phoenix was much more interested, peering at it with curious eyes.

Tim wiggled the fingers of his cybernetic hand. “Yea, mine doesn’t do that. Cool, though.”

“One of the vault hunters who saved us had a skag,” Phoenix said. “And a...a...something else.”

“Jabber. You saw their jabber,” Tim said. “Shit-flinging, obnoxious beasts.”

Phoenix tightened his hold on Tim. “You’re not s’posed to swear, dad.” He gave Tim the hint of a grin. “Gotta shut me up.”

��Ice cream it is,” Tim said with a long sigh. “After work, though. I’ve got to earn money to afford to bribe you, pal. So, let’s get on with it, Rhys.”

Rhys took Tim and showed him around a bit before bringing him back to his office. As Tim had assured, Phoenix was quiet the whole time, just clinging to Tim. When they reached the office, he sat in a chair in the corner, playing with his tattered bear and not bothering either man as they went over Tim’s schedule and duties.

“Well, I’ll leave you to get settled in and do the basic paperwork,” Rhys said, shaking Tim’s hand. “If you have any questions, you know where my office is. You’ll be primarily reporting to me.”

“Hey,” Phoenix said as Rhys headed for the door. He was clutching his bear tightly again, glancing from his dad to Rhys before blurting out, “Can you tell me about Pandora sometime?”

“Oh,” Rhys said in surprise. “Yea, sure. I mean, a lot of my experience involves me being in fear for my life. But, sure.”

“Hey, been there done that on Elpis, kiddo,” Tim said. “Phoenix, let him get back to work. You can help me get some papers organized, if you want.”

Phoenix hopped off the chair. “M’kay, dad. See ya, boss guy.”

Rhys left the office and stared at the door once he’d closed it. Today had not gone as he’d expected, not at all. And he had a sinking feeling he’d accidentally made the kid like him.

Great. He’d been so worried about dealing with a Handsome Jack doppelganger, and now his bigger problem was a small, curious child. Rhys wondered if life would ever let him catch a break.

Part 2

#borderlands #timothy lawrence #borderlands rhys #rhys strongfork #borderlands au #borderlands fic #My writing

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tintinwrites · 4 years ago

Text

the stars were made for falling | Poe Dameron x Reader | Part Sixteen

A/N: Sorry about the wait but this fic is hefty and I can’t pump out chapters like crazy unless I’m very inspired!

Rating: T

Warning: Angst. Naughty words. Slight mentions of torture.

Word count: 3,619, apparently!!

Summary: Finn is doing kind things for you, Rey teaches you a technique that you were pretty sure you already knew to deal with your anger at Poe, and none of that matters much when you and Poe are paired on a mission to take down the First Order.

Masterlist

GIF credit: poe-dameron

Tags: @marvelous-revengers @the-lady-of-stars @jxhn-mxrphy @ella-solei @chloe-skywalker @itsamedeemoney @shakespeareanwannabe @fxnxtical @peachdameron @ladyflyer20 @americasass-romanoff @thetoxicegg @spaghetti-666 @dogsandrocketsocks @katshrev @woakiees @yougottakeeponkeepinon @arsonistvoyager @pnkthunder @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @charlotteisabella @bisexual-space-slut @fandom-addict-aesthetics @prettyathenarising @arkofblake @daughterofserenityandrevolution @agentpike pls let me know if I forgot anyone!

----------------------------

When Finn returned to your quarters about forty minutes later and found you in an embrace with Poe on his knees in front of you, he did his best to silently ask with his eyes if everything was okay.

You nodded, but looked at him rather meaningfully, letting him know with the tear tracks drying on your cheeks that you needed Poe out of there.

He stepped into the room quietly and gently put his hands on Poe’s upper arms to pull him to his feet, leading him out of the room with one hand on his arm and the other on his back.

Poe turned to face him as soon as they were out in the hallway and grabbed onto him to pull him into a hug, patting him on the back then gripping the nape of his neck. “I know it’s been hard for you too, buddy.”

Finn was angry at him for you, but it seemed like the two of you managed to do something in the time he’d left you alone and Poe was still his best friend.

He wrapped his arms around him slowly.

“It’s okay, man. We’re all trying to cope with what they did to us.” He pulled away, squeezing Poe’s shoulder.

“But you’re not an asshole about it.” Poe ran a hand through his hair as he stepped away.

“You were a little bit of a dick there.”

“I know.”

Poe smiled sheepishly with sadness in his eyes, patting Finn’s cheek then starting to walk away.

He paused.

“You think she’ll ever actually forgive me?”

Finn’s brow furrowed at the genuine sincerity in Poe’s tone and thought maybe a small bit of hope would do him some good since he really seemed to want to make up for treating you the way he did. Poe was a good guy most times and he knew that. “She’s in love with you, Poe.”

The lift of his head was hardly discernible, but Finn noticed it. “She told you that?”

“She didn’t have to tell me. You know, she’d be ranting about you with all sorts of names I’ve never even heard, then start crying about how broken you are and how she wanted the real you back. And she wanted to believe you were you again, but she was so hurt by you.”

“—hey, Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so in love with her, man.”

Finn smiled and shook his head, walking into your quarters to see you sitting on the bed with your gaze trained on the floor. “You okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it yet. How are you doing?”

That was all Poe heard when the door slid shut and he wondered if you were still in love with him. It had taken him a long time to open up to you like you wanted and now you were clearly unhappy about it since you didn’t want to discuss it with Finn.

But maybe you were in love with him as much as he was with you and there was a chance he could show you that he was himself, that he never wanted to hurt you again.

--------------------------

It was nice to not have to run away from rooms or stay in a corner simply because you saw Poe in them.

You were mostly healed up now and were moving around more, trying to help out even though Leia asked you to do rather small, easy tasks, which meant you were seeing him in the dining hall or in corridors.

He was not forgiven and you were still pretty hurt whenever you laid eyes on him, but you agreed to let him try and he wouldn’t be able to prove himself if you wouldn’t even be around him.

Besides, despite all that had happened with the First Order and with Poe, you were actually kind of in a little bit of a good mood lately.

Not needing as much help now, Finn had stepped back a little, but he took it upon himself to leave a fresh cup of caf at your door when he knew you usually left your quarters and it was nice to not have to fight all the other sleepy people vying for the liquid when it was still able to burn your tongue.

You especially appreciated it when you had nightmares of that innocent girl’s blank eyes and Poe’s cruel words, and the caffeinated beverage warmed your sadness.

Finn made things a lot easier, like Poe used to.

Sometimes your heart yearned for the man who let himself be beaten because it ‘didn’t feel like a damn thing’ with you there in his lap, but then you would remember how much he hurt you and you drank your caf.

Oh, Finn really was such a sweet guy.

You were mostly healed but sometimes things tweaked the spot in your back the dagger had entered, like the seat in your new second hand ship that Leia was finally letting you try out, missing half its stuffing.

That was something you mentioned to him as you were eating lunch and when you went to try flying a little the next day, there was no uneven seat with holes all over; it looked plush, the material new and shining with not even a thread misplaced.

Your back did not hurt from this new seat that you assumed Finn put in for you.

Sometimes it made you feel guilty that he was not only helping you with your injury and emotions when he went through torture to be trained as a stormtrooper again, but he was continuing to do such kind things for you.

Like when you went to do one of the small duties Leia was allowing to put you back into working — doing small repairs on the ships that were needed by other pilots, your least favorite job since all these ships did was leak or drop off another part the moment you fixed one — and a new recruit told you ‘some guy’ already fixed what needed to be done.

And what did you do for him beyond listening to the things they had done to him?

It was about a week after you and Poe cried together that the general called you in for a debriefing.

Poe, Finn, and Rey were there and you opted to stand next to her, happy to see her out of her room, reaching down to squeeze her hand.

“I know you four have been through a lot, within and outside of the First Order, but we can’t sit back doing nothing anymore. Hux is going straight past taking over planets or bringing them to his side and destroying them instead. Three have been destroyed in the past day alone.” Leia spoke gently, but she was straight to the point.

You all looked at each other, your eyes meeting even Poe’s for a very brief second.

“I’m not sure what his goal is and we can’t let him reach it, which means...we need our best people to get inside. There’s nothing else we can do but sit and watch him destroy the galaxy.”

She was clearly hesitant to bring this up to any of you, but Rey stepped forward. “I will go.”

“We need all hands on deck if you think all of you can manage.” All eyes were on you at that.

“I’m healed and I’m ready to kill one Supreme Leader Armitage Hux.” Your voice did not waver even though the thought of seeing him again was terrifying to you.

Leia stared at you like she knew you were scared, but nodded.

“I’m going to group together teams and assign you different duties to all come together to defeat what’s left of the First Order. I’ve already talked to Rose and Chewie about what they need to do. Rey, Finn, I have a plan that I want you to look over and—”

“Me and Poe,” you said for her, your tone rather flat.

You might have been willing to be in the same room as him, but you weren’t sure you would enjoy being close with him and only him when teamed up on a mission together; it made you a little more nervous to know the man who had your back wouldn’t show you kindness until it was stabbed.

Not that he was going to allow you to be hurt and you knew that. Part of you simply was still angry at him for all he’d put you through in his attempts to protect you from himself.

“You two did very well when you were under their power and I know you can make a good team again despite any differences.”

You nodded, taking a step back. “I, um...excuse me.”

Then you turned and ran right out of the room, moving into another corridor around the corner and stopping with your back pressed against the wall.

Poe was different now, he wanted to make it up to you, and you were still anxious at the thought of being alone with him on a mission, of being with someone who still made you so angry for treating you the way he did.

Soft footsteps approached you and you opened your eyes with a glare as if it was going to be Poe, pausing when you saw Rey standing in front of you.

“I know you’re angry with Poe and I don’t blame you, but I think you should know that he spoke to me and I...this is all very new to me, but I think he’s really ashamed about what he’s done to you.”

“I know he is, but I’m still angry and what he did still hurts.”

Rey looked at you with a sympathetic gaze, the corners of her mouth turned down slightly

Then an idea seemed to show in her eyes and she quickly grabbed onto your arm, guiding you through your small, messy base, through the hangar that was still being made, and to a secluded spot outside.

You looked around at the trees, confused. “Are you going to murder me or something?”

She took your hand gently and guided you down with her as she sat on the ground. “I know you’re going to go on this mission even if you’re hurt by him, and I want to show you how to deal with that anger.”

“What do you mean?” You watched her cross her ankles then mimicked her when she nodded to you.

“Using the Force, I’ve needed to balance my emotions especially when it comes to being around people that anger me. I don’t want you to be really mad or distracted during the mission because he’s a jerk.” She grabbed your hands.

“I think I can deal with being on a mission with Poe.”

“You ran out of the room at the thought of it.”

You looked down sheepishly, then nodded for her to continue.

“Close your eyes and clear your mind.”

“How am I supposed to clear my mind when I’m always thinking?”

“Put yourself somewhere that makes you peaceful and if your mind wanders to something else, then make sure you think of that nice place again.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Have you thought of it?”

“Yes.”

“Now imagine that you’re really there, tell me everything about this place that made you think of it.”

“There’s a breeze. It smells like salt. The sound of water. No First Order here.”

“I heard Poe treated you as if you were nothing to him.” With your eyes closed, you couldn’t see Rey’s pop open as her jaw dropped with a silent ‘ow’ when you squeezed her hands tightly.

“He told me all we’d done together meant nothing to him and—”

“Okay, okay, think about the breeze and the smell of salt…”

You didn’t want to at first; you wanted to focus on your anger until it boiled over and satisfied you with the easiness of being bitter.

But you did as she said, the scene in your mind louder for a moment then slowly quieting down.

It took a moment for your grip to loosen on her hands and for your shoulders to droop down.

Rey was correct that returning your thoughts to the nice place in your head made the anger fade, that it didn’t need to be something you let take you over.

Maybe this would be handy on your mission since what Poe did still hurt.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there with Rey, your mind in a place where anger couldn’t possibly be a thought.

It was a beach with white sand, like you’d imagined some time ago with someone else you’d almost forgotten telling you to think of something peaceful, and there was a man laying next to you, telling you that he loved you, though you didn’t look at his face since you knew he’d only make you angry again.

-------------------------

You and Poe were briefed on the situation and what your duties would be once you came back into the room, leaving the next morning on a quiet ride in a junky, little ship with enough room for two.

You were supposed to lay low in the forest a good bit away from the First Order’s base, waiting for a signal from Rose and Chewie as they attempted to get you access to the building, and then you and Poe would infiltrate it to take them down from the inside with Finn and Rey as backup.

Rey’s familiar little trick of controlling your anger was making it easier to be around Poe, but you were not all buddy buddy by any means.

The most you’d said to each other was agreeing that a nice-sized rock shelter in a clearing would suit you for the night or two you’d be camping out, and your hand brushed Poe’s when you took a ration bar from him.

You both sat silently doing your own things until you muttered a goodnight and laid moved away from the fire Poe built to lay on the cool floor of the shallow cave.

It was pretty cold now that you were away from the fire, but you were too sleepy to find wood for one yourself and too stubborn to ask for one to be built closer, and you did fall asleep eventually with your jacket gripped tightly around you.

You woke up a few times as the night grew a bit colder, turning into another position each time.

Poe was laying on the other side of the cave at one point with his back to you, seemingly fast asleep which you were a bit angry about.

Then you didn’t remember tossing and turning again until you woke up to light in your eyes and blinked them open to see that it looked to be early morning; it would have made sense for you to get up what with the cave floor being quite the uncomfortable bed, but you decided to snuggle into the covers.

Wait, covers?

Floors made of rock did not come with nice, weighted covers for snuggling into.

You lifted your head to see that there was some sort of fabric laying on top of you. You sat up and let it pool into your lap where you looked it over.

It looked very familiar, but you couldn’t place where you’d seen—

Your gaze landed on the man who was poking at the barely-there fire with a stick, only in his shirt rather than the new jacket he’d chosen once you escaped from the First Order.

Poe put his jacket on you.

You didn’t realize that you stood up to walk to him until you were standing over where Poe was crouching and he looked up at you curiously. “What is this?”

He stared at you with a furrowed brow, then lowered his gaze to the jacket gripped tightly in your hands. “My jacket.”

“What was it doing on me?” Your tone was clipped, quick to anger as if laying his jacket on you was offensive.

“You kept, like, flailing around and wrapping your arms around yourself like you were cold, so I thought I’d put it on you,” he explained simply.

Maybe you were searching for something mean in his tone, but there wasn’t anything.

He simply did you a kindness and you were so hurt by him that you forgot that he generally was a thoughtful man, though you hated to admit it.

“Thanks.” You handed him his jacket quietly then moved to sit in the spot where you’d been the night before, quickly jumping up when he gestured for you not to sit.

“I put a ration bar there for you in case you wanted some breakfast.”

You looked down to see the neatly wrapped bar laying there and you nodded another thanks, grabbing it and sitting down to open it.

It reminded you of how Finn would leave a caf outside your door.

He’d played coy when you mentioned it as you were boarding the ship with Poe — he and Rey probably left the Resistance base today and Rose and Chewie went to the planet the same night they’d been briefed, since three ships at once would be suspicious — and you thanked him for all the nice things he’d been doing, and he asked you what you meant.

He was pretty good at seeming confused, perhaps not wanting you to know he was doing such kind things.

The question in his eyes seemed very realistic as if he really never did those things.

As you took a bite of your ration bar and watched Poe pull on his jacket, it occurred to you that Finn didn’t seem to know what you were talking about at all, and you never really saw him doing it, and the two things you were thinking about now were very thoughtful too.

“Poe?” Much like when you walked over to him, you didn’t realize you said his name at first.

“Yes?” He was not used to you addressing him much anymore and he was answering immediately, looking over at you.

“Did you...did you fix the seat in my ship that was torn up?” It was a silly conclusion to come to and you figured he would deny it.

“I heard you telling Finn that it was hurting your back.” He shrugged.

You weren’t sure what you were feeling, whether you were angry that he would intervene like that or touched that he really was trying to be good to you.

Was it fair for you to think highly of Finn for it and be mad at Poe for it?

“What about the ship repairs Leia asked me to do?” You set the ration bar down, standing up.

“I know you’ve never been the type who likes working on ships when there are more important things to be done.” He was poking at the fire again.

“And the caf outside my door?” You stopped in front of him.

“Thought it might help you out.” He was smiling, though it faltered slightly when he looked up to see you staring at him.

You were in this odd place, somewhere between wanting to yell at him to make sure he knew that his kindness didn’t soften you and...softening.

You opened your mouth to say something you weren’t sure of when static sounded from Poe’s bag and Rose said,

“We’ll have you in that dumb base in no time.”

There was something that made your eyes stay on each other’s for a long moment before Poe finally looked away and reached into the pack to grab the handheld comm.

He wasn’t paying you much mind as he responded to Rose, but you quickly mumbled an excuse about needing the bathroom and ran right out of the clearing.

It was clear that he was trying his best to show you how much he cared, not even taking credit for his acts until you asked him about it. Would he fess up if you hadn’t asked?

You pressed your back against a tree, trying to understand what the hell your mind was even thinking.

Why was it so easy to be angry?

Why were you afraid to stop being angry?

You promised to give him the opportunity to earn your forgiveness, yet you still needed more from him, wanted to hang onto your hurt as if it were important.

Was it important? Were you being too lenient?

Was your anger protecting you from being hurt again or was it stopping you from letting in a man you knew was good?

You were still hurt, you knew that some kindness wasn’t going to erase everything he did to you.

But it did chip away at something and that mattered, even if it was the smallest piece.

Stars, you were terrified he’d hurt you again if you stopped being angry even if some logical part of you knew he’d simply been lashing out because he was hurting, trying incorrectly to protect you from his own pain by pushing you away.

Just because he had a reason didn’t mean that what he did wasn’t incredibly damaging and hurtful to you, with the way he treated you like all those special moments meant nothing to him.

Letting down that shield even a little made your anger seem to berate you like you were giving in to someone as evil as General Hux or something.

You wanted to calm your panic and anger down with the usual trick of that beach with the white sand and the man telling you he loved you, but you couldn’t.

You were too scared you’d look at him.

#poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x reader #star wars imagine #poe dameron fic

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ineverlookavvay · 4 years ago

Text

bisexual-aliens-in-arms

Isobel drags Michael to Planet 7 for pride night. It goes far better than expected.

Bi Visibility Day - Day 7 of Michael Guerin Week 2020

cw: alcohol, referenced child abuse, internalized homophobia

Read it on Ao3

“No, “ Michael said, aiming for firm. “I don’t have time, Iz.”

Isobel scoffed. “What, are you going to be working on cars all night long?”

There was actually a fairly big backlog of cars to work on, and Michael found he needed the distraction more often than not recently. Life was complicated, increasingly so, and cars were simple, designed to be a certain way and logically never stray from that. People sucked a lot more than cars, objectively.

“Maybe I am.”

“Michael.” Isobel leaned down onto the hood of the car he was trying to work on, annoyingly in his way. She was giving him her ‘cut the bullshit’ look, which he was historically not very good at escaping. “It’s one night, and it’s important to me. Please come out?”

“I don’t do theme nights.”

Isobel scoffed again, rolling her eyes and trodding directly onto his ego. “Come on, Michael. This is my first pride month and you’re supposed to be my bisexual-alien-in-arms.” She changed tactic abruptly, making the most irritating pouty face he’d ever seen. “You’re not really going to make me go alone, are you?”

Michael sighed, wiping grease off his hands onto his jeans. Fucking hell. “Fine, but you gotta leave me alone for at least a few hours, okay?” Isobel clapped gleefully. “You know, some of us work.”

“Let me know if any of those people want a job,” Sanders cut in, ducking in on his way out, looking at Michael’s progress skeptically and ignoring Michael’s scowl. “Do some damn work.”

“Hell does it look like I’m doing?” Michael called out as Sanders left, still scowling. Michael fixed a tight smile on Isobel. “Later, okay?”

She shrugged. “Fine, but be ready to go at eight. And try not to look so…” she waved her hand at his general appearance, “mechanic-y.”

Michael wanted to protest that he always looked ‘mechanic-y’ on account of he was a damn mechanic, and besides, the grungy blue-collar cowboy look was still popular as far as he could tell; but seeing as he’d already caved, he would certainly end up losing this argument, too. So instead, he turned his attention back to the cars. Michael liked working with his hands, he liked fixing things. Sure, he might fuck up every relationship he’d ever had, he might break the things in his life constantly, but he could take a broken car and make it a working car, and that was something.

He was not so secretly dreading the evening, though. He let himself drift far enough into his work that he wasn’t actively panicking about going to a damn pride night at the local gay bar, which he’d never actually been to, no matter how many times Isobel tried to convince him how great it was. It’s not that Michael was ashamed, he really wasn’t—but he’d experienced enough bigots and assholes in his life to know that he didn��t need to paint an extra target on his back, either.

Who he fucked was his own business, and that was how he preferred to keep it. Isobel was reveling in her newfound sexuality, and he wasn’t about to ruin that for her, but he also knew that a rich white woman was a lot less of a target than a trailer trash cowboy. He also had an existential dread of any place that resulted in Isobel leaving at the end of the night dripping in glitter.

Michael didn’t do glitter, and he didn’t do pride month—or at least he hadn’t—and he’d much rather just spend a night with Isobel at the Wild Pony celebrating themselves quietly with a drink that didn’t have anything in it besides the liquor. Hell, they could go there and celebrate themselves raucously, as long as no one had to know the reason for the celebrating.

His attempt to distract himself resulted in successfully losing track of time, which meant Isobel was already standing in the junkyard tapping her foot when he went inside to shower and change.

“You don’t have anything cuter than that?” she asked skeptically when he emerged, clean and dressed in a black button-down. Isobel was wearing a purplish iridescent crop top that probably came out of her closet circa 2010 and incredibly tight dark blue jeans, with multiple strings of shiny necklaces around her neck.

“Sorry, I don’t own anything that shiny.”

That got him a smile at least. “Listen, Michael, the whole point of pride is to look hot,” he was pretty sure that wasn’t true, “get laid,” he was sure that one was wrong, “and be out and proud while doing it.” She looked so proud of herself right then that Michael didn’t have the heart to argue. “Plus, the bi flag has really nice colors.”

Michael smiled in spite of himself. “Iz, you got me to go with you, you really want to jeopardize that by shit talking my clothing?”

Frowning slightly, she shrugged. “Fine, but this is why no one thinks you’re the fun alien.”

“Hey! I am definitely the fun one,” he argued, striding towards her car and settling in for an inane but companionable argument.

Michael liked bars, in general. He liked the dark corners and the dirty floors and the smell of alcohol and the down home music and the bluster of it all. He liked sitting at a bar nursing a drink and feeling like a part of something just by virtue of drinking beside other people. But Michael hated Planet 7.

First of all, the whole damn place was trying too hard. It had far too many lights, all of them overly complicated and flashing stupid colors. It had a DJ instead of a jukebox, which Isobel implied was something special, that he should be pleased to be experiencing, much to his chagrin. It had more glitter and confetti littering the floor and on the bar and on the tables than Michael had ever hoped to see in one place. All the drinks were obscured by ridiculous garnishes. There was someone sitting at the end of the bar stenciling with face paint on people’s faces, another thing Isobel assured him was a fun and exciting theme night thing. But most of all, it didn’t make Michael feel safe, or comfortable, or known; this wasn’t his place.

Isobel looked like she’d just walked into her surprise birthday party, though, grinning and strutting in like she owned the place. “Come on, I’ve been dreaming about their drinks,” she said, beaming, and Michael reluctantly followed her over to the bar. Michael realized quickly that she hadn’t been dreaming about the drink so much as the bartender. Which, fair enough.

Michael let her talk and flirt and took the time to look around again, hoping to find something to be complimentary about so Isobel wouldn’t feel she had to prove how great it all was to him. It was his own fault then, when he accidentally saw Alex across the room, leaning against a wall, deep in conversation with someone that looked suspiciously like Kyle. Michael’s stomach did a flip and he turned quickly away, back to Isobel and the bar, half hoping Alex hadn’t seen him. Michael knew that Alex was single again, or at least that was the last he’d heard, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be caught staring outright.

“Here,” Isobel thrust a drink into his hand that had a little light-up rainbow color-changing cube masquerading as an ice cube at the bottom of it. Michael rolled his eyes. “So what are you feeling? Wanna dance? Or I think they’re painting pride flags on people’s faces?” She sounded giddy, her cheeks flushed and her hair already covered in a ridiculous amount of glitter.

Michael didn’t have the heart to let her down by telling her he’d rather eat sand than dance or get his face painted without at least a few drinks in his system. “Whatever you want.”

Isobel beamed at him. “See, I knew this would be fun.”

“Yep,” Michael said, plastering a smile on his fast as she led him over to the person doing the face paint, “cause I’m the fun one.”

By the time he was sitting on a bar stool with someone striping color across his face, Michael was on his second drink, and Isobel's face was already a melty palette of pink, blue, and purple.

“Isn’t this great?” Isobel said, standing over him and dancing to some unbearable pop song, shaking glitter out of her own hair all over Michael’s head and shoulders. He could feel it falling onto him like tiny raindrops, securing itself to his shirt and hair and skin with some invisible, terrible glitter power. He wondered idly how many showers it was going to take until he could walk around without constantly catching the glint of it out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, standing up as the face painter proclaimed he was done. His cheek felt strange, stiff and cold, and he couldn’t get the last of the alcohol out of his glass around the giant fake ice cube.

“Hey, we have to take a picture,” Isobel said, grinning wider and pulling out her phone while she dragged their faces close enough together to fit into the selfie frame. She pulled back to look at the picture, nodding with happy satisfaction. “We are hot,” she proclaimed, “and proud. Two badass bisexuals.”

Michael nodded distractedly. He needed another drink, or maybe just some fresh air, or for the DJ to turn down the goddamned bass, or something. He hated the feeling of the face paint, and he hated the selfie, he hated how unlike himself he looked, glittery and colorful and trying to smile in a crowd. Michael stumbled backwards, turning around to face the bar in what he hoped was a mostly intentional-looking maneuver. He needed another drink.

The bartender nodded at him and Isobel, bringing over two more glasses of whatever they were drinking. “Lookin’ good,” she said, and Michael’s chest felt tight.

It was too loud, and too warm, and Isobel was talking but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. He drank almost frantically, trying to get enough alcohol into his system that he stopped caring about any of this shit. Michael glanced around the bar, at all of the people laughing and smiling and looking like they fit in perfectly, and Michael had never felt more like an alien. He needed to get out, just for a moment, just to catch his breath.

“I’m, uh, I’m gonna find the bathroom,” he said, coherently enough, and pushed past Isobel towards the back hallway.

The bathroom was thankfully empty, and quiet as the door swung shut behind him, the music that was so pervasive in the bar just a tinny echo. Michael braced himself on one of the sinks, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against the scratched mirror. It was just all so much, and it should have been easy, and the fact that it wasn’t was creating a cacophony of different feelings in his mind, all of it blending together into something like panic. Michael opened his eyes, willing himself to stay in control.

He looked at himself in the mirror, and he hated the frantic look in his eyes, hated the smear of color across his cheek like a brand, hated that he could be so comfortable with himself and yet so shaken. He could feel the urge to push it all away, violently, to shove and shake and break—the only way he had now to make the noise in his head stop. Michael gripped the sink and thought about tearing the room apart. He could see it, sinks and toilets tearing out of the wall, tiles slamming against one another into dust, the mirrors cracking and shattering. The vision of destruction filled his mind, and he was in the middle of it, silent in the eye of the storm, caught in the tornado of his own making—

The door to the bathroom swung open, and Alex stepped through it, looking concerned. “Are you okay?”

The vision dropped away from Michael’s eyes, leaving him with only himself, standing in a public bathroom feeling terrified and self-destructive. He watched in the mirror as Alex twisted the lock on the door and took another cautious step forward.

“Are you okay?” Alex repeated. “Because you looked not okay.”

“I’m fine,” Michael said, even though his voice sounded thin and shaken. Alex stepped towards him again and Michael pressed himself forward, closer to the sink, like he could climb into the mirror and avoid this interaction. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Alex, because he did, badly, but he didn’t want Alex to see him in a moment where he felt weak. “You didn’t have to follow me.”

Alex shrugged, the cracks in the mirror keeping Michael from seeing the nuances of his expression. “I wanted to see if you were okay.”

It was meant kindly, but somehow it made Michael feel worse. Michael stopped watching Alex and focused on his own face, frowning when he saw the painted colors again, loosening his grip on the sink to press uneasily on the skin of his cheek. He swallowed and dropped his hand quickly, lowering his eyes to the stained white porcelain of the sink. “I think this paint might be toxic,” he said wryly. He could tell from Alex’s silence that he saw through the remark.

“It looks good,” Alex said quietly. “You look good.”

Michael looked up sharply at Alex’s reflection again. Alex had his own face painted, a rainbow of stripes adorning his cheek. “You do, too,” Michael said, meaning it. Alex did look good—happy and proud and like he wasn’t constantly looking over his shoulder. It made Michael feel boundlessly happy and endlessly sad, knowing that they’d spent their time together hiding, that they could both be here on this stupid pride night—with Alex looking secure and hot and comfortable—and yet not be together. Usually Michael would fight or fuck those maudlin feelings away, but that wasn’t really an option tonight. He sighed. “But I just don’t…maybe this isn’t my scene.”

Alex was close enough to put a hand on Michael’s shoulder, and he did so cautiously, like he wasn’t sure if Michael would let him. Michael hoped that someday Alex would be able to touch him without worrying. He let Alex turn him away from the mirror.

“Maybe,” Alex said, carefully. “Or maybe you grew up with assholes telling you this part of you was wrong, that it should be shuttered if you can’t destroy it.”

Michael’s instinct was to argue that he was fine, and none of his shitty foster parents had gotten to him like that, but he wasn’t sure it was entirely true, and he wasn’t sure that Alex wasn’t saying it for his own benefit as much as for Michael’s. Alex’s hand was still resting on Michael’s shoulder, and it felt grounding; Michael felt stable under Alex’s hand, under Alex’s unwavering gaze. He took a deep breath, and as he let it out, Alex seemed to visibly relax, too.

“You can wash it off, if you want,” Alex said, “and it wouldn’t mean anything.”

Michael shook his head slowly. “Isobel—” he started.

“We didn’t get the same ‘strong woman, love yourself’ stuff that Isobel did,” Alex interrupted, reaching around Michael to snag a paper towel from the wall dispenser. “It’s okay.”

“Isobel would be disappointed,” Michael said numbly, his chest tight with unspoken gratitude, but he didn’t take the paper towel. Then more quietly: “Everyone’s always disappointed.”

Alex looked at Michael for a moment, and then shrugged and smiled, like he didn’t know what Michael was talking about, like he wasn’t one of the people Michael kept disappointing. “This whole thing is supposed to be about celebrating yourself the way you want to, so fuck ‘em.”

Michael smiled back weakly, his hand tracing lightly over the stiff lines of the face paint on his cheek. He so badly wanted to want to leave it there.

“It looks better on you,” Michael said, impulsively, reaching out as if to touch Alex’s cheek, and then drawing his hand back at the last moment. He held his breath as Alex met his eyes and stepped carefully forward, bringing his cheek to Michael’s hand, leaning into his touch far too easily. “You’ve always looked good with stuff like this.” He was thinking of Alex as a teenager, with liner painted across his eyelids, and it made Michael ache with nostalgia. He wanted this—he wanted to be able to tell Alex how the only good memories from that summer were of Alex, to be able to say all the stupid, romantic things he had never gotten the chance to say, to be able to dance with Alex at pride night and have neither of them care who saw.

“I wish I’d been able to be this with you,” Alex said, his voice raw and quiet.

Michael let out a breath that was almost a laugh, running his fingertips lightly across Alex’s rainbow cheek. “You’re here now,” he said without thinking about it. Now was enough. Michael thought that if he leaned forward and kissed Alex, Alex might let him, that it would be okay if it only existed here, in this moment. But they owed each other more than that—more than a secret kiss in a bathroom, more than rushing in without talking, without taking enough care that neither of them got hurt, this time. God, but Michael wanted there to be a ‘this time.’

“So are you,” Alex said pointedly, licking his lips absently in a way that sent Michael’s entire internal equilibrium shifting, like his body was trying to tip him towards Alex.

The door clattered as someone tried to get into the bathroom, and both of them laughed awkwardly, aware again of their surroundings. It steadied Michael, kept him from crashing towards Alex the way he desperately wanted to. Waiting would be smarter; dropping his hand, pulling away and swallowing everything he was feeling, putting on a smile and walking out of the bathroom would be smarter, but he hesitated.

Alex met Michael’s eyes and slowly lifted his own hand and pressed his fingers lightly to the paint on Michael’s cheek, almost exploratory, a gentle caress. Michael felt his breath coming far too quickly, his earlier discomfort nearly forgotten under the soft way Alex was touching him.

“You really do look good, Guerin.” Alex said quietly. “And this place? This bar? It’s not my favorite either. And it—it isn’t home, but it’s safe. You know?”

“Where’s home?” Michael asked, somewhat facetiously, his fingertips still barely brushing Alex’s cheek, leaning his cheek into Alex’s touch, unable to stop himself. Michael knew both of them had been facing the same thing recently—the growing sense that all of the places that had felt comfortable or familiar didn’t feel that way any more, the fear of what it would take to find the places that would feel that way in the future.

Alex met Michael’s eyes, meaningfully, like he was trying to get Michael to understand something without saying it. “I think I’ve almost got that figured out,” Alex said finally, and Michael was hit by the realization that Alex wasn’t talking about the bars or the city or the buildings they lived in, but something entirely different. He thought back to every time he’d ever heard Alex say the word home, with something like longing and questions laid into it, and wondered if maybe he’d been talking about them the whole time.

Michael was trying to form a response that wouldn’t feel like a deflection, that would convince Alex to actually say what he was saying, when someone banged loudly on the door and Alex pulled away abruptly, leaving Michael’s fingers caressing only air. Alex smiled apologetically and dropped his hand away from Michael’s cheek. “You shouldn’t spend the whole night in the bathroom,” Alex said, starting to move towards the door. “I’ll save you a dance.”

“Didn’t see you dancing before,” Michael said, to take focus from the fact that the image of Alex dancing, and happy, was enough to make every bit of him openly ache with wanting.

“I wasn’t.” Alex said, raising an eyebrow. “But I will with you.”

Michael exhaled heavily, his voice stolen by the casual way Alex said it, like they’d already decided. Then again, what was there even to decide?

Alex licked his lips, hesitating between Michael and the door, then abruptly turned back and crossed to where Michael was standing. Alex pressed himself into Michael’s space, his hands cradling Michael’s cheeks as he brought their lips together in a quick but searing kiss. Michael let out a sound halfway between surprise and a moan and kissed Alex back fiercely. He’d barely gotten his bearings before Alex was pulling away.

Smiling with satisfaction, Alex unlocked the door and slipped through into the noise of the bar. Michael side-stepped out of the way as someone rushed past him to one of the stalls, watching the door like Alex might come back.

When he didn’t, Michael turned back to the mirror, staring at himself skeptically for a few minutes, trying to see himself the same way he saw Alex, like someone who was strong enough not to feel foolish, but proud. He shook his head at his reflection—it was too much, too much to ask of himself at that moment, but he realized that he still didn’t want to leave the bar. Not when Isobel wanted him there, not when Alex wanted him there.

It was Alex’s voice, Alex’s smile, in Michael’s head as he decided not to wash the face paint off. As he decided not to listen to the words in the back of his mind that he tried to pretend he’d forgotten, to brush off with bravado, the ones that came from the screaming foster parents who carried bibles and belts, the ones who told him he was nothing before he was old enough to know anything about himself. Alex didn’t see Michael that way, any more than Michael saw Alex as any of the things his asshole father had thought of him. Alex wanted to dance with Michael, wanted to kiss him, and that was reason enough to stop thinking about the colors on his face and leave the bathroom.

This bar was never going to be Michael’s place, it was never going to be less annoyingly loud and glittery, and it was never going to serve drinks that didn’t make him roll his eyes. But it could be the first place he’d let Isobel drag him to a pride event, it could be the first place he’d kissed Alex, that Alex had kissed him, since they’d tried to ignore how they would always feel. It could be that, and that could be enough, even if he hated the damn face paint.

Taking a breath, Michael left the bathroom with his breathing almost back to normal. He found Isobel quickly, dancing on the edge of a throng of people, and she brightened as soon as he appeared, beckoning him over.

“Thought you might have left,” she said close to his ear when he reached her, almost yelling to be heard above the music.

“Almost did,” Michael replied distractedly. He scanned the room, which had gotten significantly more crowded in the short time he’d been gone, until he found Alex, leaning against a wall, clearly watching Michael, too. He tilted his head, gesturing Alex over, and saw him nod and push slowly away from the wall,

“What did you say?” Isobel yelled, and Michael flipped his attention back to her, grinning. She looked happy, and tipsy, and like she actually wanted him there, and all at once Michael felt lighter.

“I said fuck you,” he said stridently, louder and closer to her ear. “Bisexuals-in-arms, right?”

Isobel’s answering smile was brilliant, and Michael realized he hadn’t made a mistake by coming here just for her, because she’d asked him, intentionally, to be there. And there wasn’t anything wrong with staying for Alex, because neither of them would usually be caught dead in a place like this, and there was something about just showing up that mattered.

Alex came up beside them, putting a hand gently on Michael’s elbow, just enough to let Michael know he was there. It felt like a lot more than that, though.

“Alex!” Isobel was clearly at the drunk stage where she was friends with everyone. “Look, we match!” She gestured happily between her face and Michael’s, and Michael hated that it made him feel even a tiny bit better about the stupid face paint.

Alex grinned. “It’s great,” he said and Isobel beamed. The song changed fluidly to something new, and Alex slid his hand down Michael’s arm until their fingers were clasped together. Michael couldn’t think of a time he and Alex had held hands in public, not ever. It felt nice.

Isobel danced next to them with abandon and Michael let himself sway awkwardly with Alex, trying to actually loosen his grip on his control instead of just slipping into the comfortable persona of someone who didn’t care. He did care. He cared that Isobel wanted them to have this connection—something that she and Max didn’t have—even if her way of celebrating it wasn’t entirely in line with his ideal evening. He cared that Alex wanted to dance with him, that he was holding Michael’s hand in public, even if it was under the guise of dancing, that he cared enough to follow him into the bathroom and knew him well enough to lock the door.

Isobel paused her dancing to give Michael a very obvious and unsubtle thumbs-up, and Michael didn’t even resent it when Alex laughed. Michael grinned up at her sparkling, painted face, his hand tightly knit with Alex’s, and let himself enjoy being part of something loudly, even if it was just for the night. Maybe, Michael reflected, this was what Alex meant by home.

#mgweek20 #guerinweek20 #malex #michael guerin #alex manes #isobel evans #my writing #happy bi visibility day!!!#this is so sappy but here it is #getting together #just a little bit of hurt mostly comfort

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