#stop pushing your fucking heteronormative agenda

[doomedtokill]

stop the twinkification of Evan rosier, that man is a scary monotone gym rat

[male-reader-haven]

~That Horrible, Wonderful Feeling~

Author note:

Here is chapter 1 of the project I've been working so long on!! I'm super passionate about this storyline, so I'm hoping you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it. As of right now, I have about 4 chapters completed, and depending on how well this is received I plan on posting them as well. Enjoy your Namjoon crumbs, there is SO much more to come!

Chapter 1: Ideal Woman

Namjoon's POV as he deals with prying reporters, stalkers, and some unwarranted feelings that send him spiraling. How can he claim to know and protect his fellow members if he doesn't even know himself? Y/N, one of 8 members of the worldwide popular K-pop boyband BTS, slowly helps Namjoon along in his journey of self-discovery and acceptance, dealing with his own feelings along the way.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x male idol Y/N

TW: Stalking, internalized homophobia, heavier topics, invasion of privacy, slight NSFW, 18+

Word count: 2801

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“Now, RM, the fans are dying to know. What are your ideal traits in a girl?” The interviewer smiled and held out the microphone towards Namjoon expectantly. The camera pans over to his face and he forces a smile and glances down.

What a stupid fucking question. 

He is so tired of being asked the same questions. Although he knew it was bound to happen due to BTS being worldwide famous idols, still, indulging reporters and tabloids who are constantly hungry for new content and scandals to feed their prying gossipers is so exhausting.

“Ah, well, you know, we all are focusing on our career and don’t have time for anything like that.” He avoids the question, hoping the reporter will drop it. She doesn’t catch on. She has a smile that is too wide and obviously faked. Honestly, Namjoon is pretty sure this american interviewer doesn’t even really know BTS too well or even listen to their music.

“Come on, everyone has a type. ARMY wants to know what kind of woman is RM’s type?” 

As if you can speak for ARMY.

“Why do you care?” Namjoon snaps. He surprises himself with his response and immediately follows it up. “I-I mean, it doesn’t really matter. As long as they love and accept me, I guess.” He saves it the best he can. The interviewer stares him down.

“Awe, how sweet. Well before you go Namjoon, we just gotta know! There have been rumors going around that you secretly have a girlfriend! Is it true? Should we be expecting an announcement soon?” As she speaks, pictures flash across the screen of Namjoon caught in the street taking pictures with a fan. Namjoon feels frustration bubble up, not only at the accusation but at the lack of privacy and how the tabloids must have been following him around taking pictures.

“Wow. Really? Shameless.” He loses his patience. “I don’t appreciate being followed and stalked everywhere I go, you know. She is a fan and we took a picture. Sorry I couldn't satisfy your gossip.” He can’t stop himself. “Do you guys really get paid for this? Pushing this  scummy, heteronormative agenda on celebrities hoping for a sliver of drama just so you can get a few clicks in by exaggerating and lying? We are people too, just like you. Normal people. So no, you don't get to make assumptions about me or pry into my life.”

“Heteronormative? Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” The woman interjects. Namjoon is fuming.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Namjoon gets up and storms away from the lit up booth and over to his staff, who briskly apologize to the interviewer and team and take him back to the studio.

Namjoon knows he went too far. Luckily his agent made sure that the interview would be scrapped and not published, but that is now an entire news group that BigHit won’t ever get an interview with again. Honestly they didn’t need the extra publicity, since at this point any company would be more than ecstatic to host an interview from BTS, but this was supposed to be a series of solo interviews from each of the artists, which would have no doubt been popular. Still, he didn't feel bad. Too many times have people asked BTS questions about their private lives and tried exposing them with false accusations and start scandals, none of which ever stick due to ARMY being so protective of them, but it took a toll on their mental health sometimes. Namjoon sinks into the back seat of the car as he looks out the window, listening to the patter of rain on the roof and watching the street lights reflect off the dripping window. 

My ideal woman, huh?

He reflects. Everywhere he goes where people ask him these questions, they always say “ideal girl” or “woman,” always assuming he is straight. I mean, he IS straight, but it bothers him nonetheless. It’s not like anyone bothers to ask, they always just assume. He knows that people just want to hear him talk about specific traits and types to fulfill people’s fantasies. It seems people also assume that all ARMYs are straight fangirls. It’s 2023, how are people still pushing heteronormative standards? He takes out his phone to see new messages in the BTS group chat.

WWH: How’d the interview go?

Namjoon sighed and typed out his response.

Me: Horribly. Pretty sure I ruined it for   all of us, sorry guys. JK: How so?  Me: I lost it and kind of snapped V: Dang, sounds like they deserved it then.  No worries man, probably for the best Me: Stupid private questions. I got  too pissed though, it is my fault, but still Y/N: Ew, don’t they have anything better to do? Jimin: Fr. Don’t feel bad, I would have  been short tempered too J-hope: Does this mean we have a free  weeknd? WWH: Nice spelling J-hope: thx dad JK: Hell yeah, let's do a movie night! (read by SUGA, WWH, J-hope, and 4 others)

Namjoon puts his phone away and looks out the window again. 

“Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” 

The woman’s words echo in his head longer than he would have liked. Namjoon has always liked women, that he is certain of. Ever since he was little he had crushes on disney princesses and actresses all the time. He had his fair share in heartbreaks and girlfriends in school too. Ever since becoming an idol, however, everything relating to romance seems to have left his life and been put in the back of his mind. He knows it's because they are idols that they aren't allowed to publicly date. That isn’t to say however that he didn't fantasize about having a partner or being in a romantic relationship. Despite BTS being his family and never truly being alone, he couldn’t help feeling lonely in some ways. These days, Namjoon finds himself stuck in his room working even in his free time. Maybe this weekend becoming suddenly free would be a blessing after all.

Namjoon walks into what he and BTS know as the “safehouse,” which is a large home away from the city where all 8 members have access at all times and their own separate rooms. They usually go to the safehouse when they want to meet up, have events and parties or just whenever they want to get out to somewhere private from their own separate homes. The other members are already gathered around in the dining room as he comes through the door.

“Hey, there he is! Welcome to the finest restaurant in all of Korea.” Hoseok yells over from the table where they are all feasting on what looks like bbq.

“Join us, I slaved away at making this for all of you, congratulate me.” Jin’s bubbly voice calls.

“As if. All you did was order the food hyung, don’t act like you prepared it!” Jimin teases Jin and reaches over to put some beef over the bbq and then dips it in some sauce.

“Ah, perfect. I’m starving.” Namjoon puts away his things and sits down in the empty chair next to Y/N. They all get into food and conversation, laughing and smiling and having a great time.

“I’m curious, what did she ask you that sent you over the edge?” Jungkook quired, sitting back as Taehyung brought over some beers.

“The interviewer started asking about my ideal type of woman, a question which I can usually dodge, but she was persistent. Then they pulled up pictures of me back when I was visiting Switzerland where I met a fan and they tried to frame it like a secret girlfriend situation.”

“They followed you to Switzerland?” Y/N looked up, a disgusted look on his face.

“Guess so. Anyways after that she-” Namjoon cuts himself off.

 “Are you saying you are something other than straight? Is this official?” Her words came bubbling up again, making him feel nauseous.

“She what?” Taehyung presses. Namjoon shakes his head.

“Nothing. I just got pissed, snapped at her and left after that.” He avoids eye contact with any of them, hoping someone will change the subject.

“I think you were in the right. I would have been so snarky.” Yoongi speaks up from the corner seat. 

“Yeah, don’t think about it too much man. There will always be more interviews, with better and more respectful people.” Jungkook says, trying to make him feel better.

The conversation shifts from there and as the night goes on, the boys get more and more inebriated. Jin is practically howling from laughter at Hoseok, who is falling over in his chair with his face bright red. Jimin is half asleep, Jungkook is not far behind him, and Taehyung is talking about some nonsense with Yoongi. Y/N and Namjoon seem to be the better off in the bunch, simply making stupid jokes and laughing at the other members. Namjoon speaks up.

“I’m drunk, gonna turn in for the night. As should all of you.”

“I think Jimin is already there.” Jin laughs and points at Jimin, who is face flat on the table.

“I’ll take him to his room.” Jungkook sighs and lifts Jimin up and carries him away. The other members eventually all go to their respective rooms also. Namjoon makes his way to his room. 

Namjoon closes his door and goes to get ready for bed. His tipsiness makes him stumble sometimes, but he manages to get changed and brush his teeth. After getting ready, he practically falls into his bed and crawls underneath the light brown and white covers. He drifts into thought.

Ideal woman… 

Namjoon starts thinking about what he finds attractive. He imagines lean, fit bodies and smooth skin. Silky hair and slightly parted lips. Sparkling eyes and light voices that entice him. He imagines a pair of hands caressing his face, feels the hands move down his neck and to his chest, constantly moving. The hands then become arms attached to a lean and skinny body, a dancer’s body. He feels the body with his own hands, moving to the sides of the person and down to their hips. The person materializes even more, revealing defined abs that lead to a man’s chest and strong thighs that straddle Namjoon’s middle, masculine shoulders that carry beauty and grace. The person is a beautifully built man. The face is blurred, but he can make out plump lips that shine, half parted in a silent breath. The figure leans down into Namjoon, hands on his chest and head as it gets closer to his face. Namjoon is lost in a trance by this beautiful person, and leans in to meet his lips with theirs, when he is met with air. He opens his eyes to his empty room and him in bed.

What a strange dream. 

He winces as he adjusts under the covers and discovers that he is partially hard.

Great, just what I need. 

He doesn’t have the energy to fix it right now, so he just takes a deep breath and ignores it. Eventually, Namjoon drifts off to sleep.

The next day arrives quickly, and the members are all hung over in the house waking each other up and groaning in the living room.

“What’s everyone’s plans today?” Jimin pipes up, cheerfully, as if he didn't get absolutely wasted the night before. J-hope looks up at him from his fetal position.

“How are you a real person?” 

“Yoongi-ssi and I were going fishing if anyone wants to join us.” Jin puts the offer out there, to which nobody volunteers.

“I thought you hate fishing?” Y/N asks Yoongi.

“I do, but it makes Jin hyung happy. And it's more fun with friends.” Yoongi half spoke, half groaned his response.

“Awe, he does have a heart!” Jimin teased. Yoongi curled deeper into his blanket in response.

“I want to go hiking today, anyone want to come with? We can get ramyeon after and karaoke!” Jungkook suggests.

“Oh, that sounds fun! I'll come.” Hoseok blinks the sleepy away from his eyes and nods.

“Jimin and I will come too.” Taehyung holds up his arm.

“Do I get any say in this?” Jimin smacks Taehyung’s shoulder.

Guess that leaves Namjoon and Y/N. Namjoon turns to him.

“Would you be interested in going to the National Folk Museum of Art in Seoul? I haven’t been there in a while.” Namjoon and Y/N both share a passion for minimalistic art and artists as well as art history. Y/N looked up at him and smiled through groggy eyes.

“Sure, that sounds fun!” 

Cute. 

“Sounds like we all got plans then! Get up and get going boys, or these hangovers are gonna take your Friday away.” Jin initiates the march to get ready for the day and get going. As everyone gets up and gets ready to leave, Namjoon also stands up. Y/N stays on the couch for a second before groaning and putting his arms out.

“Help me up hyung, i'm dying.” Namjoon smiles and exaggeratedly pulls Y/N up from the couch.

“I take it I will be driving us?” Y/N teases.

“It’s safer for us and the universe that I don’t.” Namjoon laughs and lets Y/N go upstairs. He trips over the first step, making Namjoon smile.

Was he always this adorable?

Some time goes by and Namjoon gets a text.

Y/N: I’ll be ready in 15, meet me in my car? Me: SOunds good Y/N: Lol typo

He puts his phone away and gets ready. After 15 minutes of looking for a good art museum outfit (he decides on jeans and a hoodie because he couldn't decide) Namjoon heads downstairs and to the parking lot to meet Y/N. He sees the light mint green beetle with its engine on and in the driver’s seat is Y/N, in what looks to be a brown sweater and a green beret with thin circle glasses. He opens the passenger door and buckles his seatbelt.

“You look nice! Perfect for the museum.” Namjoon compliments his outfit.

“Ah, a classic Namjoon look.” Y/N laughs, pointing out Namjoon’s plain outfit.

“Yeah well, I'm okay with being inconspicuous.” 

“You will be my staff as I get all the attention!!” Y/N smiles and gives Namjoon’s shoulder a light punch. Namjoon looks around the inside of Y/N’s car, taking it all in. The interior is light brown and clean, Y/N likes to keep his things tidy. On the windshield mirror is hanging a car freshener that looks like a daisy. Y/N turns on his bluetooth and connects his phone to the radio.

“Any music suggestions?” He asks Namjoon.

“I want to listen to what you want. What are you listening to these days?” Namjoon inquires. It has been a while since he hung out with any of the members one on one. Y/N nods and scrolls through his phone as if it was a super important decision.

“I need to find songs that you wont judge me for.” Y/N laughs, half joking.

“You know I listen to a bit of everything, not much can surprise me.” Namjoon reassures him. Y/N smiles and a song begins to play. Namjoon recognizes it as Troye Sivan’s “Lucky Strike.” Y/N bops his head along to the music and looks at Namjoon for approval.

“I know Troye Sivan. He has a great voice.” 

“God, what I would GIVE to do a collab with him!” Y/N reels, then puts the car in reverse and they set off. The car ride is pleasant and calming as they take turns recommending songs and vibing to them, moments of silent listening as well as gushing about artists they like.

“I wish we could be more open in our music. Like Troye Sivan or Frank Ocean.” Y/N expresses. “I mean, I know we technically can, and there is nothing wrong with expressing your true self through music, but I feel like we have to be so on edge because of how many people listen to our music.” Namjoon understands what he means.

“I get it. We have to tiptoe around certain topics because of how international our reach is.” Y/N nods solemnly to Namjoon's response.

“Yeah. I just wish I could write about what I want without worrying about scandals. We write about girls all the time, I'd love to write a boy love song.” Y/N is focused on the road. Namjoon turns to look at him when he says that, but doesn't say anything. They bop their heads to music the whole way, Y/N making silly gestures and expressions to the music as he drives. A slight burning feeling arises in Namjoon's chest, and upon realizing he is staring quickly glances away and swallows.

Must still be hungover.

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Aaaaaa what did you guys think?!?! I have SO much more written that I'm excited to share with you about this story. If you enjoyed and want to see more chapters please show this some love and tell me what you think below!!!

Stay tuned, Jae loves you <3

[astharoshebarvon]

I never expected to see that horseshit even in Hannibal/Will pairing. I’d really thought they were exempt from that bullshit.

All I can say is that the thirst for the dominant male/ homophobia is unreal. Female Will Graham—

At this point I don’t even know whether to get angry or simply laugh at such stories. This is beyond ridiculous! Imagine being idiotic enough to even write they aren’t murder husbands, and being weird enough to put in the story, its murder husband and wife.

Please. There has never been a wife nor will there ever be. Dream on.

Thankfully, the cringeworthy self insert fics are still in double digits.

Just say you want to fuck the Dom and can’t stand that two guys love each other and are in a relationship. Literally no one wants to read about your fantasy. Go and write self-insert/OFC with the male and be happy with that. Don’t be this pathetic and try to write your fantasy in the slash ship. Keep your straight agenda to your lame het self-insert ships.

No wonder this bull even bled out to shoujo manga. That is a new low even for a shoujo. Seriously, just say you hate gay people and get out. Having the fucking audacity to write that kind of homophobic content in 2020 is shocking.

There is really no need to be that disgusting. Just write your idiotic, stupid, annoying, brainless, obsessed, creepy fangirl with the male lead and leave gay people lout of it. No need to show again and again how foul you are by bringing them in. You are literally proving what kind of a person you are by writing such crap.

I am just so disgusted by that manga that I don’t even want to remember it if I can help it. Is that how fm couples are being made these days, by being blatantly homophobic and vile/showing het superiority or downright pedophilic content. No wonder those stories never reach more than 50? 60? Ratings on amazon.

Now, if you look at Ten Count, Given, well, there ratings are in 1000 or above 500.

Please, continue being so gross, at one point only garbage people will end up buying that crap.

Mediocre shoujo writers are so fucking threatened by the popularity of BL that they are even resorting to such vile tricks.

Seeing such things just cements what I’ve always thought. People just got better at hiding their homophobia, (we needed change so we turned a boy into a girl in slash fics of the coulple ) it’s painfully obvious what you truly think when you spit out such bullshit. No need to jump through so many goddamn hoops. Hell, I am not even surprised by this behaviour.

 These are the same kind of garbage people who screamed, Yuki should return to being a girl, we don’t like male Yuki.

Shut the fuck up! Luka is literally saying they have the same soul, he can only love once. Yuki is Yuki. So called female yuki was mentioned in passing at best, got two? three ? full pages.

Luka won’t fuck you no matter how much you wish it.

The story doesn’t even have a kiss scene between the fem yuki and luka or any hets while Senshirou breaks off his engagement saying quite clearly he cares for Kuroto. The girl is thankfully not a trash person like the homophobic readers. Neither is she like the one with sairi and touko.

The whole manga revolves around present male Yuki and Luka, their relationship and other bl ships. See the fucking artworks, go and buy Phosphor, its pure BL. There is a limit to how blind or in denial a person can be. 

This manga and anime is shonen-ai, it’s always been that and will always be that. All the main couples are slash. The mangaka is famous for her BL stories.

Uraboku was published in Asuka, the magazine which is infamous for never outright saying the two males are in love and are together.

Bloody Mary, X/1999, Kyou Kara Maou are prime examples, they are all shonen ai/BL subtext. Stop trying so hard to deny the fucking truth. The author’s new work, a shoujo, was so poorly received that’s it’s not even funny. Beautiful art couldn’t save it.

Clamp literally said do not call Kamui and Fuuma as brothers. They aren’t friends. They are soulmates! They parallel Seishirou and Subaru, an established, famous MM couple. Fuuma is all Kamui thinks about.

They don’t even mention the obsessed, creepy fangirl.

They are together in Tsubasa too. Stop trying to force your heteronormative bullshit onto everyone.

 No wonder some homophobic / thirsty person had the audacity to write in the fucking wikia of that light novel, this character is not gay you know. It’s implied he might be—

He is literally saying he is gay in the story, he tells it straight to the other party. He’s been gay all these years.

And, you are still trying to push your het agenda.

I totally get where that nonsense came from. He is a very very good looking man.  You want a chance to fuck him and think this is the best way to make yourself feel good. Go and get help if you are that fucking sad of a person. This isn’t normal behaviour, it’s creepy.

You gotta be some other level of stupid if you think they are friends/brothers. Friends/siblings don’t do this with each other.

Some idiots even denied Kurogane/Fai being a subtle couple in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle. You have to be blind as a bat if you truly sat there and thought they weren’t a thing.

Even these two from get backers.

Hell, I think Get Backers author even said yes, those two guys are together. Like, please readers, take your homophobia and get out.

I have to give it to Atsuko Nakajima for drawing such beautiful illustrations. All of her works, whether they be MM, FM, FF are simply too beautiful.

  Stay mad that your imagined het only exists in your head not in actual story. Go read trash like that shoujo or see het pedo shows which thinks 500 year old is attracted to a little 7 year old. You’ll find many trash homophobic people like you there.

Even on manga sites you see idiotic lists like, erotica Not BL, smut with anything but bl, quality smut not BL.

Seriously, how fucking pressed are you that people don’t seem to give two fucks about your fm ships, these fm smut mangas have way less views than BL.

Be decent and write mf smut list, shoujo josei smut or something of the like. You have to mention bl somehow don’t you? This isn’t even pathetic, it’s downright gross. 

No wonder some foolish homophobic trash wrote lies like omegaverse does not belong to slash. You have to be completely shameless and downright stupid to write such horseshit.

Of course, some freaks even like that horrendous, homophobic, monstrous bitch from ten count. To this day I don’t understand how anyone can say such things.

She looked good standing next to kurose. She is good looking.

I just cant—

What a joke! She is human garbage nothing more and ugly as hell.

Ugh, the only place she should be in is a fucking sewer. I hate that bitch so much. She deserves to die a million times for what she did. Her existence is a fucking disgrace.

[non-binharry]

gonna say this as a solo harrie. I think the people you guys refer to as het harries are really just harries that have attraction towards harry. idk about Tumblr but on twitter all of us agree that harry is into men (we think he has multigender attraction but that isn't an unfair conclusion seeing that Harry has talked about dating women before). the only people that seem to say harry isn't into men are solo louies ("rads?") and other haters who think he is queerbaiting plus all the trolls. I've not met a single real fan of Harry's that thinks he's into women and women alone so far!! but maybe it's different on Tumblr idk

I'm saying this because of a previous ask comparing het harries and blouies. I want to say that harries in general acknowledge his attraction to men and write our fantasies or whatever based off a public image that states he's *also* into women. if Harry were to ever state they were into men and men only, I can assure you we would all stop immediately to respect that. we don't like erasing identities and personalities like blouies do even if the fantasies have the same heteronormative undertones

so please don't take this the wrong way but i think you're being extremely generous by saying that all harries recognize harry's attraction to men (and possible multigender attraction, for the sake of your beliefs) but i'm starting to understand more that many of you do, even if you lean almost exclusively towards the "women" side of his attraction in terms of the way you all talk about his sexuality. between the y/n and the assuming every woman harry is in close proximity to is a new gf and the headcanoning his future with a girlfriend or a wife, it's hard to not conclude that you're a het harrie (this is not saying that you personally do any of these things necessarily, just speaking in general)

but us comparing bls to het harries is definitely more a jab geared towards blouies than the other way. we're saying that because their fics and hcs don't sound like harry (or louis!) at all and usually feel like self insert scenarios which leads us to say "just admit you wanna get fucked by harry and go". or it's because they actually do erase parts of harry's identity and blame it all on harry lambert pushing his "agenda" on a masc dude like harry lmao

but yeah basically, i understand there is a difference between harries and het harries, just wish people would leave her alone if they don't like who he is

[curspect]

Discourse™️ ahead:

a take that I often see from exclusionists (who used to ID as aroacespec) and which littorally makes me angry is:

“I used to think I was (Demi/ace/aroacespec/etc.) when I was a teen but actually I was just a NORMAL ASS TEEN and this hindered me on my journey to discovering I am a Real Gay™️ and that’s why aces and microlabels pushing their Agenda are Harmful to Vulnerable LGBT Youth”

Like.

I used to think I was gay because I knew I wasn’t Straight, but do you see me going around and blaming/invalidating gay people for my not immediately settling into my current aro identity?

No, you don’t, because that would be a) fucking incorrect and b) super offensive.

Lemme break it down:

Nobody has to use labels that don’t fit them, and the mere existence of those labels in the world is not oppressive

Finding and understanding your identity/sexuality in this heteronormative & homophobic & transphobic world is often a confusing and painful process

It is not the fault of other gender/sexuality minorities for Existing that you had to fight through internal & external homophobia/transphobia to find yourself

Teens are not all inherently aro/ace or demi or whatever. Different people mature at different rates, and just because a label no longer fits you doesn’t mean that label is fake, or that it doesn’t continue to fit others

Stop blaming aro&ace people for ... idk... welcoming you when you were questioning your identity??

bye.

[maybeshelives]

gay things up

We should acklowledge more often the importance of queer represantation in mainstream media. (For the right reasons)

Sure, I can binge watch all six seasons of the L Word - and, trust me, I have - but I still have this undying thirst to gay things up a little. I feel unbalanced occasionally, as if there are still parts of my sexuality I haven’t really addressed, understood and embraced, which consequently urges me to focus more on my gay side rather than my sexuality as a whole: my preferrences in the type of people I sleep with, the type of sexual relationships I form, the things I (dis)like in bed, you know, the list is endless. It makes me think that all these years of repressing my sexuality have made me keep it in a box and just narrow it down to the gender I’d rather have sexual encounters with, which is a rabbit hole itself, all things (gender norms and stereotypes, personal beliefs etc) considered, and just get elated even by the implication that two men or women on TV are queer; neither examining if I like them as people, nor caring about their chemstry or the quality of their relationship, no. 

Just keep my standards to the lowest point possible and MAKE IT GAY AS FUUUUUCK.

Being queer in a world of heteronormativity is sometimes a double-edged knife; even your best LGBTQ+ allies are ignorant of your reality. 

Yeah well, my straight friends support me on my same sex relationships. But they also don’t really get them most of the time. “What are you talking about?” you will asked surprised, “romantic relationships don’t differ based on the gender of the people involved. It’s the personalitites that matter”. 

Well, yes. But also no. 

My straight friends can’t really understand the consequenses of being closeted for years, the fear of stigma, the fact that even in 2019 there are still people wishing all of us “degenerates” a slow and painful death (just watch Ellen Page’s amazing show called “Gaycation”; during the Brazil episode, the two hosts interview a serial killer who specifically targets gay people, because he believes that they’re worse than animals and the world should be cleansed by their filthy presense).

There are several bagages following us around, issues that straight people (thankfully) never had to face, like the fear of flirting with the wrong person (especially while being closeted), the fact that our sexual orientation is often times not being taken seriously, the fact that for ages there was a very small amount of LGBTQ+ representation in media, and sometimes it was played out for laughs, or even blatantly killed off (lately, there’s also the issue of “queercoding”or “queerbating”, which is rather complex itself), the fear of violence used against us on the street just for holding hands with someone; being marginalized at any level, a minority, ANY KIND of minority, sucks. Because the majority doesn’t even see you, at times.

But we exist. This should be written in enormous neon letters, and not in 8-sized Arial Narrow ones, as it very often is right now. 

No, J. K. Rowlling, I don’t want to have to wear rainbow-coloured strap-ons covered in glitter (wink wink, Sense8) and do my YMCA dance in order to have the revelation that Albus Dumbledore is fucking gay back in 2007. It’s not on print, it’s only a few words said during a sold-out book reading. You had your moment of gay-friendly glory and inclusiveness, but that’s it. During an entire franchise with dosens of presumably heterosexual characters, the single outed person (and one of the most important for plot progression purposes, too) doesn’t even get to have their own moment of gayness. Not even in the prequel, apparently (if you’re new to this, please watch the videos on queercoding I’ve linked above and you’ll be right on track). And you have the audacity to keep on doing it.

No, I don’t want to fucking speculate if Captain Marvel is queer either. No, I don’t want to wonder if Thor: Ragnarok’s Valkyrie is indeed bisexual. (Fun fact: It is being speculated that the two aforementioned characters will hit it off in the new Avengers: Endgame movie). Or the two Teen Wolf guys. Or Dean and Michael from Supernatural. Or several characters from Riverdale. Ugh, it’s exhausting. 

And even though it might come off as just another lesbian who’s trying to make it all about her sexuality, shoving it in straight people’s faces, I have to say that heterosexual people are pretty ignorant regarding even their own sexuality from time to time. And that’s problematic for everyone. 

Please, let me explain.

Not fully exploring and “owning” one’s sexuality primarily means that they’re missing out experiences they could, in fact, enjoy A LOT. From having sexual partners of all genders to being the proud owner of the best buttplug collection in an entire city, a good sexual experience that never takes place is a missed opportunity. I personally wouldn’t like to miss out on that, like the dirty, dirty hedonist I am. 

This missing-outness, self-deception and ignorance can go on for years, decades even. Just simply ask popular YouTubers or my (formerly gold star lesbian) ex-girlfriend (yes, the opposite is also possible). 

But, such a personal issue becomes public when queerness and gender & sexuality spectrums are not even seen as something that can be part of anyone’s psyche, especially in the majority of the population. Hence the marginalizing. LGBTQ+ substance, accodring to many people, is something out of this world. 

That’s what makes queercoding so annoying. Because it sends off the message that LGBTQ+ characters, romances and storylines are not important enough to be portrayed as openly and clearly as their heteronormative counterparts; they’re pictured as something that will never fully grow and be explored, since it isn’t as significant. 

So,why does mainstream representation matter?

In a world soaked in and based onto heteronormativity and whiteness, being LGBTQ+ inclusive has been mislabeled as “pushing an agenda”, where even childhood is being used as a deterrent, a queerness-repellant, which can also breed internalized homophobia.

“Don’t publicly show pictures of faggots kissing, children might see them”. “Dykes shouldn’t be allowed to adopt children, because they [the children] won’t have the right role-models, I mean, who will be the mom and who will be the dad? Plus they will also be bullied by other children”.

I was watching an Ellen Page interview on Stephen Colbert that took place almost two months ago, and I couldn’t help but notice how emotional she still gets every time she talks about LGBTQ+ problems (she has been very vocal about them since she came out as gay in 2014). “This needs to fucking stop” she says. 

And, goodness, it does. When the, among others, argument that equality for everyone shouldn’t be debatable still is seen as “cringey activism” by some, it becomes more than apparent why representation of any minority in the mainstream media matters.

Pop culture is like a huge educator. We tend to internalize images shown to us from an early age, we learn to normalize toxic behaviors and worldviews in the exact same way, and even if we can’t really control anyone’s parenting (and homophobia and lack of understanding and acceptance, unless it becomes abusive for the minor, and this abuse is apparent to other adults), there’s still hope that pop culture can bring the bigger picture, all the vieriety of human identity and experience, into our homes. 

As I’m thinking about it, I realize that I had never seen a (happy) lesbian couple on television or movies until I was about fourteen or sixteen. Ever. Like, ever. Needless to say, I have my fair share of images depicting straight couples in multiple situations.

So, if you’re not a queer person, a trans person or a person of colour or someone with special needs or mentally ill, and you’re also not convinced by my long-ass rant, consider this: What if you had never ever seen someone like you in a film before until you were fifteen? Or what if you had only seen stereotypical images and expectations of people like you, as a side story to someone else’s bigger and more “important” story? A side story as seen and perceived by the heteronormative gaze?

Or maybe as a joke? A joke that wasn’t made by people like you, people who truly understand what it’s like being you and the actually funny aspects of your own identity and struggles.

Wouldn’t you grow up thinking that you’re a little bit of a monster?

"Like when someone says he wants to watch the world burn. You only get to watch when you have the privilege of not being on fire. It's edgy, but it's not The Darkness. The Darkness is finding a way to laugh about being on fire".  - Natalie Wynn

---------------------------------

PS: I know that I’ve used too many embeded referrences, but if you’re interested in this topic, please take your time to examine them. They have broadened my horizons a lot, and gave me comfort and the validation that I’m not insane for feeling and seeing life that way.

[bettycrocker]

sorry but if your going to support 2nu shippers by reblogging their art and just ignoring their shipping preferences, that makes you just as bad as them :////

why because i’m not going out of my way to block every single person who ships something i dont ship?? because i’m not actively and openly bashing people (who might be minors mind you) on my tumbler.corn blog as though i’m saying something new or amazing??? because i’m not reblogging the artwork with “OH MY GOD YOURE A PEDOPHILE FOR SHIPPING THIS YOURE DISGUSTING BLOCKED AND REPORTED” commented on it in an attempt to humiliate the artist to force them to stop just doing something they don’t realize could be harmful to others?????? its almost like the people who draw these ships are just participating in the fandom in their own way and don’t see 2nu to be as harmful as others say it to be.

yeah, i’ve had 2nu shippers come into my askbox and harass me before but like???? should i really let it get under my skin when they were too much of a pussy to actually get off anon and say what they wanted to say to my fucking face??? hell no, they’re probably just some kid who got overexcited with seeing my writing and wanted me to write something for their ship and got upset when i said it made me uncomfortable. which is understandable, because this fandom has a really weird shipping hierarchy that needs to fucking stop because these are fictional characters whether you want to believe it or not. they cannot be effected by the decisions a child makes, only jamie and damon can make anything that happens in gorillazverse canon. until people learn to accept that, there’s gonna be shipping drama all the fucking time even though none of the canon characters are ever going to get together. it’s been 20 years, if it hasn’t happened yet it’s never going to happen unless jamie is revealing himself to be the fucking king of slowburning storylines.

while we all know that noodle isn’t comfortable with being shipped with her family (ie, the band) funnily enough that isnt going to stop people who are drawing non-canon fanart for something they think looks cute together!!! i could scream HETERONORMATIVITY or PEDOPHILIA or CHILD ABUSE when i see the ship but i don’t. instead i fucking ignore it because i have the ability to do that as a fucking human being who can make rational decisions instead of typing before i think. we are all capable of not typing something, you have to make an effort to move your hands and do something. it’s not like youre talking and you just randomly blurt out something offensive. you, as a human being who can think and make rational decisions with just a little bit of effort, can absolutely just scroll past the image and not give it another thought.

most artists usually become even more discouraged when their artwork is ignored and they’ll eventually stop drawing what theyre drawing. however, negative attention is still attention. some people enjoy that kind of attention and will keep doing what they see makes others notice their work. it gets their work notice and recognition and spreads it to other people who support that kind of thing, believe it or not. while i’m not saying 2nu shippers are seeking out negative attention, i’m more or less saying giving them any kind of attention is just feeding a mentality of “i’m getting recognized, i should keep doing this!!!”

it’s also a case of them forming some kind of subconscious spite toward the people who are constantly telling them theyre not allowed to do something, so they keep doing it in order to push the fact that they don’t share the same views as others. ignoring it is the best option when it comes right down to it because youre not feeding the artist positive or negative attention. it wouldn’t completely wipe out 2nu shippers but it would end up discouraging a lot of artists from creating something that isn’t getting attention on its own merits and eventually conform into the art and shipping ideals tumblr has. but thats a whole other tangent on the lacking of self-awareness tumblr, a community that calls out toxicity on a daily basis, has.

basically what i’m saying is grow the fuck up and just ignore the parts you don’t like instead of bullying others in order to push some fake-ass agenda you have. stirring shit up doesn’t fix anything, learning how to stand your ground and show youre not going to tolerate something you find offensive in a non-aggressive way is the key to a far more peaceful and open community. y’all wonder why the fuck this community overall is so dead or the tag is so slow or it’s like a taboo to talk about shipping in servers or just in general; it’s for petty ass reasons like this, this nasty mentality of “i’ll bully them until they go away” that you all have come to the conclusion of. i want no part of it because i’m willing to have self-control online rather than letting my frustration get the better of me. there’s literally no reason to single an individual out just because you don’t like their fucking shipping preferences. just ignore them like the fucking adult you either are or are going to be in the very near future.

tl;dr: shut up and unfollow me all ready i dont need your petty, childish bullshit bullying and genuine toxicity in my life.

[asocialjusticeleague]

I was wondering what your thoughts on the word queer? I am confused about it. Is it still a derogatory term or is it a word of empowerment? I always thought the word was used as a slander like the N word. However I hear more and more people using it to describe lgbt 🏳️‍🌈 people. I also thought queer meant gay but it doesn’t seem to. I hope this question makes sense.

This is a really good question! I don't think there's a really straightforward answer because I know a lot of people are really focused on stopping folks from using the word queer (even as an identity for themselves which is obviously whack.) I'm sure there are some lgbtqia elders who have discomfort with the word, and all respect to them and their perspective, but in my experience it hasn't been people any older than me, in fact people much younger than me, trying to shut down the community's use of the word "queer." I have some speculation about why they might want to do that but it's all speculation to be honest.My personal position is pro-queer. I not only personally identify that way as well as bi, but I am WAY more comfortable with the word queer as an umbrella term than any of the other options. Like, "lgbtqia" works in a pinch but it's VERY hierarchical, because the L and the G come first and most people leave off the I and the A like "well queer covers everything else right?" So why not use queer then, for everyone? Gay doesn't include everyone any more than lesbian or any other letter does, but queer is all-encompassing, it includes asexual and trans people who are hetero, bisexuals, gay men and women- everyone. Under one word. It means you dont have to give lengthy explanations to every person about the nuances of your attraction and gender to every single person. "I'm queer" is enough. "We're queer" covers a whole wide variety of people.I'm protective of the word queer BECAUSE it is so inclusive, and also because my queer elders FOUGHT for that word, fought WITH that word, were happy to use that word as a weapon against people who would choose to try and use it to demean them. Like they used the F word, the D word, like they used gay or fairy or lesbian or any other word we chose to self assign because homophobes don't really pick and choose what they weaponize against us.And for a lot of people, queer is radical. Queer resists the liberal push to make "gay marriage" central to the community agenda when trans people are being killed and all queer people are liable to be fired for who they are. It represents a break from heteronormativity, from patriarchy and the status quo. It represents resistance and anger. "It's not gay as in happy, it's queer as in fuck you." Queer resists the "we're just like you" arguments and reaches for arguments like "we shouldn't have to be just like you to deserve rights and respect."I love the word queer. I know it has been hurled as a slur at plenty of people and that is awful, it's awful that so many lesbians are so uncomfortable with the word lesbian because of homophobes, it's awful that so many bi people dont want to be called bi because they think the label is transphobic or slutty. I grew up in a time when "that's gay" was the most acceptable version of cussing, so my perspective might be a little different, but they can pry "queer" from my cold dead hands.

[stargir1z]

a message for cishet people this upcoming pride month

this is from my sc story but i wanted to post on here too in case someone has an ignorant straight bih who needs to be served a hot plate of education. it’s all under the cut !

- being an ally isn’t just NOT being a homophobe. don’t call yourself an ally unless you’re actively supporting the lgbtq community. that means appreciating and supporting gay media that is often marginalized, not saying offensive shit even if everyone else says it, and calling people out when they’re homophobic/transphobic, even if they’re your friend. be constantly educating yourself and be critical about how the world around you characterizes gay people, even if it makes you seem argumentative. if you’re not gonna do anything, don’t say you support the community. and even if you do these ally things, don’t expect some sort of gold star or reward. this is somehting you should be expected, as a cishet person, to do, and while it is your choice whether to do it or not, this should be completely out of care for other human beings rather than some sort of self validation from being the straight savior.

- if you are straight, and you like a character or person just because they are gay rather than their actual personality/life/appearance/impact, then you are. part of the problem. you are fetishizing gay people, no excuses. same goes for straight fangirls who ship dudes together just because they’re ‘my sinful little gay bbyz uwu’. that is NOT appreciation of gay people, that is the objectification and sexualization of gay relationships. i encourage you to support gay ships, but only if there is legitimate chemistry in them. (this is why anime like yaoi is problematic but o well). as well, if you’re a straight boy, the opposite is true for you: if you love lesbians but only if they’re conventionally attractive, or watch lesbian porn, or get turned on by girls kissing each other at parties, but otherwise don’t support the lgbt community or hate gay men/make gay jokes, Stop It or square the fuck up. you are sexualizing wlw, and as a wlw, i am disgusted by you.

- be aware that many companies will capitalize on pride month. please DO NOT support them or congratulate them for making something rainbow as a Token Gay Item. an example of this is the rainbow mickey mouse ears Disney made last year. i love Disney, but they have literally done nothing for the lgbt community besides that one good luck charlie episode with the gay moms, so they have no right to call themselves an ally. instead of buying these kinds of products, support actual gay/trans/etc designers, artists, musicians, and creators! if you need suggestions for these, i would be happy to rant about lgbt people i love. same goes for gay media like movies, books, and tv shows that actually realistically portray gay people. (psst watch love simon)

- this is blatantly obvious but ive seen it so many times that i still feel the need to mention it: having double standards for gay pda is! not good! it supports the notion that gay people are somehow more dirty or inappropriate than straight people, and this reinforces the heteronormative rhetoric that society has pushed on us. if you don’t mind when a cishet couple kisses or holds hands or flirts in public but then cringe when two girls or two guys do it, you are an ass and need to address that internalized homophobia. as well, please don’t say that a work of art like a movie, book, song, or tv show is ‘too gay’ or that ‘there doesn’t have to be gay people in everything’! that’s like me saying ‘why is there straight people in everything’.... do you see the problem now? supporting and normalizing gay and transgender people in media is one of the key ways to eradicate oppression of people with sexualities and genders other than cishet. it also helps people with these sexualities and genders feel normal and good about their identity! i would never have been okay with my bisexuality without the exposure to gay media, and that’s true as well for pretty much every gay person ive ever spoken to.

- nonbinary people are a thing! gender is not sex, gender is a social construct, gender is a spectrum. your enitals should not define who you are, and the misunderstanding of both trans and nonbinary people is a result of the societal norms pushed on penises and vaginas. also, 72 gender jokes are not funny and also make absolutely no fucking sense. go fuck yourself in the conservative ass. what does it have to do with you if someone doesn’t want to define themselves as a boy or a girl? if you need help understanding this, just ask me. although it honestly shouldn’t be that hard to understand that you shouldn’t be bossing around other people’s gender identities. imagine me coming up to you and declaring that you are the opposite gender/nonbinary... that’s how non-cis people feel every day, bitch.

- there are lots of jokes gay people make that you just wont be able to understand! respect that and accept that you just aren’t meant for them. jokes about straight/cis people are perfectly okay when within a gay community, because while gay/trans people are oppressed and have been for centuries, CISHET PEOPLE ARE NOT. AND ARE THE OPPRESSOR. accept that you have internalized homophobia and transphobia, because everyone does. be aware of how this influences you and why it makes you so pissed when a gay person says ‘straight people suck’. they’re not referring to you. theyre referring to how, historically, straight people have been the ones to make gay people feel like shit. there is also no such thing as the gay agenda; that’s just a joke we make.

- additionally, lgbt people have culture because we have been forced into having a community due to the struggle against homophobia. the lgbtq community has a unique and beautiful history that is worth learning about. there is no straight people culture, because societal norms in themselves are straight people culture. society is so heteronormative and dominated by straight attitudes that there was simply never a space for a phenomenon like ‘straight culture’ to develop, and no need for it either. you have never been oppressed for your sexuality! be happy about that! don’t whine about me saying your sexuality has got no culture. also, gay people will make jokes about straight people culture as a way to mock cishets who claim it exists. ACCEPT THAT. RECOGNIZE YOUR PRIVILEGE.

extra notes about bi people because im tired of questions about my sexuality:

BI PEOPLE ARE USUALLY NOT FIFTY FIFTY BOYS GIRLS. SOME PEOPLE FLUCTUATE BETWEENWHIHC ONE THEY LIKE MORE. SOME PEOPLE JUST ALWAYS LIKE ONE OR THE OTHER MORE. WHEN A BI PERSON LIKES/IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER, THEY ARE STILL BI. IF A BI PERSON LIKES/IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME GENDER, THEY ARE STILL BI. SOME BI PEOPLE LIKE GENDERS UNDER THE NONBINARY UMBRELLA TERM. SOME DO NOT. BI PEOPLE AND PAN PEOPLE ARE ALSO ESSENTIALLY THE SAME THING, BUT IT DEPENDS ON WHICH TERM THE PERSON IS COMFORTABLE WITH. BI PEOPLE ARE ALSO NOT INHERENTLY SEXUAL, AND NEITHER DO THEY EXIST TO PLEASE YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES. BI PEOPLE ARE REAL AND WE DONT HAVE TO ‘CHOOSE A SIDE’, AND IF SOMEONE IDS AS BI BUT THEN DECIDES TO BE GAY OR STRAIGHT OR ACE, IT DOESNT MEAN THEY WERE FAKING IT. SEXUALITY IS COMPLEX AND IN SOME PEOPLE, FLUID. 

thank you for reading this and i hope you have learned something

[mizufae]

simon cowell stop pushing your weirdo heteronormative agenda onto two five year olds! stop projecting creepy sexual behaviors onto your own son! WHAT THE FUCK

[silvokrent]

This isn’t nearly as in-depth as I’d like it to be, but here’s my reaction to firearms legislation, mass shootings, who or what’s “to blame,” and what we should be doing about it.

At this point, honestly, I don’t care what your political stance is, whether or not you think gun legislation will or won’t stop “criminals” (whatever the fuck that actually means) from still getting access to firearms illegally. At this point, all that I care about is that we do something instead of debating every single hypothetical pro and con to any degree of restrictive firearms access. Yes, gun violence is a multifaceted issue, and the motives behind each individual instance of a shooting are going to vary. So if we’re not going to talk about making it more difficult for anyone to buy firearms, let’s talk about the sociopolitical motivations behind mass shootings, and what sort of solutions we as a society are willing to commit to.

The shooter was [insert minority here] that was motivated by [vague generalization of an aspect of their culture]. Okay. So if the attack was done by a perpetrator who had biased, bigoted beliefs that they inherited from their family/immediate cultural influence at home, then maybe we should implement more effective and comprehensive policies in schools that enforce ideological acceptance. Say, for example, that the shooter held misogynistic, antisemitic, anti-black, and anti-LGBT+ beliefs. Here’s a potential solution: legally mandate that schools — colleges, universities, and K-12 private, public, and charter schools — teach their students that women, Jews, non-white Americans, and LGBT+ people have the same human rights as anyone else, and that verbally/mentally/emotionally/physically abusing them in any social environment/setting (work, school, the gym, the bus stop, etc.) is unequivocally wrong. Start teaching children as young as pre-K that these toxic beliefs are not acceptable, no matter what that child’s parents are teaching them at home. Undermine hatred that the child is inheriting from their family. Teach children earlier about privilege and the centuries’ worth of oppression that marginalized groups have experienced and continue to experience, and teach them how to be allies to marginalized groups, like non-neurotypical individuals, or people that are physically disabled. Teach students comprehensive, scientifically-accurate sex ed, that illustrates the differences between biological sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity, and that these differences do not get to be treated as “abnormal” or “subhuman” just because they’re not as prevalent or as widely-represented as heteronormativity or cisgendered folks. We should also take the time to educate people that just because you meet a person of a certain demographic with a hateful belief, doesn’t mean they represent their entire group. If rampant Islamophobia has taught us anything, it’s that society likes to create “the great other” to have as a relevant foil for our own values, and as a readily-identifiable enemy, while ignoring the hypocrisies and flaws we deny are a part of our own cultures.

But teaching children/students to accept people of other walks of life goes against my personal beliefs! If the government meddles too much in education, they could easily co-opt learning in the future to push certain agendas. Besides, you don’t have the right to indoctrinate my children with your radical liberal ideas! I wasn’t aware that teaching children to not be dickheads to other people was a radical liberal notion, but fine. Have it your way. And yes, I agree, too much government intervention can have its own problems, in a sense of who’s watching the watchman and making sure they don’t overstep certain boundaries. But having no standardized code that teaches students to accept people from other cultural/religious/ethnic/genetic backgrounds isn’t a solution, either. And frankly, there should be no reason why anyone would argue against teaching our kids that diversity is worthy of acceptance and celebration, not shunning and discrimination. If you’re not willing to enact a solution to fix the motivation behind mass shootings, then we need to make it harder for people with radicalized hateful beliefs to acquire firearms. Either present another plausible solution to reduce mass shootings, or pick one of the aforementioned solutions.

The shooter was a [insert person with a mental illness]. Sane people don’t commit terrorist acts! Ah, yes. The old “let’s scapegoat people with mental illnesses as the perpetrators as these attacks, rather than as the overwhelming victims, in order to avoid talking about gun control.” Very well. If we’re going to continue assigning sole culpability to individuals with anxiety, depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and other psychopathologies, then that means we need to make medical treatment easier to acquire and less stigmatized. If you have a diagnosed mental illness, then you should be able to access free — or at the very least, cheap and affordable — healthcare to treat your condition long-term, through medication, one-on-one patient-psychologist/psychiatrist therapy, and accommodations in the workplace, school, and so on. People with mental illness should have greater access to resources that protect them from housing and workplace discrimination. We must, as a collective society, learn to not ridicule or make disparaging jokes at their expense, often to the effect of exacerbating their mental illness. We need to learn to not sneer at coping mechanisms, or ridicule someone that has a service animal for emotional and otherwise support. Because if mentally ill people are responsible for these attacks, then that means we should be treating their psychopathologies in order to prevent mass shootings, right?

But I don’t want my tax dollars to go toward the mentally ill! I shouldn’t have to pay to fix their problems. Skirting around the fact that people with mental illnesses didn’t ask to have those “problems” in the first place, what you’re saying is that “here’s a potential solution that could save human lives, but I’m not willing to spend money on it.” If allocating our government tax dollars means that people suffering from mental illnesses get help, and people aren’t as likely to die in mass shootings, then isn’t that worth the expenditure? Either present another plausible solution to reduce mass shootings, or pick one of the aforementioned solutions. 

Look. Lax gun laws are not the sole culprit behind mass shootings. The United States is a petri dish of centuries’ worth of culture clash, and the subsequent internalized hatred that comes with over-representation of privileged demographics, and erasure of marginalized people that’ve been stigmatized by the media. The problem is a combination of factors: compassion fatigue, apathy, complacency, a status quo that solely benefits certain groups at others’ expense, and an unwillingness to examine or relinquish our own biases because we don’t want to change. Radicalized violence and terrorism are multifaceted issues, influenced by factors I haven’t even touched on, because it’s late, I’m tired, and frankly I’m not the best person qualified to educate others on a complex topic I’ve only just begun to unravel myself. But I do know that we need to find a solution. We needed a solution yesterday. We needed a solution months ago. We needed a solution decades ago. Every time we are bombarded by senseless bloodshed and death, we go through the ritual of “sending our thoughts and prayers,” and then patting ourselves on the back and congratulating ourselves for doing what we think counts as the bare minimum.

It’s not enough. It’s never been enough.

Whenever someone tries to foster a discussion on gun violence and the underlying issues, the loudest voices in the room (typically our elected politicians) default to the cliché red herrings of “mental illness” and “[person of a certain minority group] committed the act, therefore [their demographic] as a whole is to blame.” And while there have been instances in the past of shootings being linked to specific groups, these generalizations are correlation, not causation. Clearly, pinning blame to any one group — a tactic we’ve been using for years — hasn’t fixed the issue, so we need to come up with a different answer. Revising our education and healthcare systems have the potential to fix so many issues in our country, but arguments are always made for why “it can’t be done.”

“Can’t” means “won’t.” Meaning that people have the capacity to try, but aren’t willing to.

Which brings us back to firearms. Because until we, as a country, are willing to sit down and find a solution for hate crimes and mental illness (the alleged culprits), then we need to make it harder for people to buy military-grade firearms and go on killing sprees at schools, nightclubs, and concerts. Our “right” to buy and stockpile thirty fucking assault rifles without a comprehensive system to account for the whereabouts of those weapons, and the identity of the wielder does not supersede a person’s right to not be shot and killed.

People are dying nearly every other day in our country at a rate not seen in other nations. At the very least, we should at least be willing to ask other countries for help, and try implementing their tactics just to find out whether or not they’d be a viable option for our country. Not wanting people dead as a result of gun violence isn’t a fucking political opinion. It’s not even a contentious ethical debate. It’s doing the right fucking thing. And if you don’t like any of the proposed solutions, then instead of telling me why mine are inherently wrong, offer up one of your own.

[princessconsuelapark]

@ the sun: the kid has been using gender neutral terms whenever asked about dating since he was bloody SIXTEEN, he’s NEVER fucking confirmed any of the billions of rumours about all the women he’s supposedly dated, he spends 89% of his time parading around in rainbow flags on stage, and frequently groping random men (but let’s be honest, mainly Ronnie Wood), and now he’s bathing around VERY gayly in pink water, amongst flowers WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DOES HE NEED TO DO SO YOU STOP PUSHING YOUR HETERONORMATIVE FUCKING AGENDA LIKE SERIOUSLY

[moidse]

Okay so, I feel bad like I’m withholding information... I have a lot of insecurities about non-monogamy/poly and I’ve never explained this to you.  I just keep noticing a reoccurring anxiety is what if I just can’t do non-monogamy and the negative thoughts and anxieties never fade away? How long am I willing to feel uncomfortable about this? What is my own limit for trying to see if this will work? 

[[I have a history of not stating my own boundaries, wants, and needs, in a relationship out of fear of the other person realizing we aren’t compatible and leaving me. I would rather endure a relationship I only kinda am into then be single. I hate the idea of being single. Which is also why i never break up with the other person. 

I feel like I date people to prove something to myself... although with the person im with now I think it’s the least like that, I genuinely believe they are a mostly healthy influence, aside from the heavy drinking, in my life. (wait, i kind of am with them to prove i’m not just a fukboi, and also in the beginning i was really trying because i don’t o*** for them and i felt bitter at the idea of this not working out and i dropped my fuk buddy 4 this... but i have ended up catching feelings for them..) Like, it’s been so long I can admit I only was with o**** because I was insecure that with the fact that I hadn’t been in a relationship since I was 18. I felt very ashamed that I had only 1 relationship and it was toxic and that was the only person I had had sex with and been in a romantic relationship with. I felt like that in itself was evidence that I am not worthy of love and am hard to love and will be alone forever. That’s definitely a big part as to why I rushed into dating O***. I desperately wanted to be able to say I’ve had a recent relationship. I felt so ashamed to say yeah my last relationship was 5 years ago. I felt like that was evidence that I am not easy to date, i have always carried that knowledge as though it were proof that I’m broken and you probably shouldn’t even try dating me... when it doesn’t necessarily mean that. I live in a smaller city for 1. And I do believe I needed to work on myself to a degree but I’m not broken and unlovable and at a point of no return. Also that person really messed up my self-esteem so I wasn’t ready to date again for a while and that is okay and normal after your first break up. I just have always felt like I should be experiencing more in my love life at the age that I am--- and tbh says who? the colonizer heteronormative agenda? Cuz we all know queer ppl come out at different times and our timelines aren’t the same for what is considered normal... ]]

tbh I have had a history of jealousy and just issues with non-monogamy/poly since I started dating. So, my first relationship that was really bad and emotionally abusive,,, they later admitted to me that they were trying to be extra mean to me near the end to get me to break up with them and part of that extra mean routine was them asking if we could be poly and have the relationship be open... they later admitted to me and said they honestly only suggested that because they thought it would push me to end it... but i didn’t.... there was nothing they could do or say to get me to break up with them... i was already enduring emotional abuse.. I just was naive and set on the idea that we were gonna be together forever no matter what.... anyways, that first relationship started my first issues with being poly.. i was desperately convinced for so many years that I would end up back with this abusive person... we used to talk about trying it again... we were lowkey on and off for years... whenever they’d come back to dayton I would sleep with them and desperately wish and hope they’d take me back/even wanted me back... while they were poly and the main issue and excuse as to why we couldn’t be together was that I had issues with them being poly and so if i could just change and be more open minded then we could be together forever which is what my naive brain wanted more than anything.... during those years we were off and on i would creep on their social media and see all the different ppl they dated over the like 4-5 years i was still chasing them hoping we’d be back together... i would compare myself to the other people they were dating and just feel like they were my enemy... they were the reason why this person wasn’t in love with me and back with me... (which obviously now i can see none of this was true, but i was mentally and emotionally stuck on this person from ages like 18 until like now....I still very much so carry a lot of these mentalities) but I just had a very unhealthy POV of the other ppl they were with.. I directed my frustrations towards them when really that person just didn’t love me and i don’t believe they ever did love me... anyways... Ugh I also remember when I would hang with them whenever they’d talk about who ever their partner was at the time it would make me feel so insecure and ruin my fantasy that they were interested in me still or wanted me back... omg typing all of this out.. i can’t believe i did this for years... this is so sad.... I also remember further hating myself when comparing myself to the fact that they had dated countless ppl after me, they basically left me cuz they were into some trans dude, and seeing them on social media go through partner after partner i would constantly compare myself to them and think, how come they’ve had so many partners since we broke up and i’ve literally had none... this was something that ate away at me for years, this was evidence that i suck, im the problem, im not lovable... and it’s def why i was eager to jump into a relationship last year because it was the first time there had been mutual interest in dating since i was 18 and i was 23 and felt so ashamed that i hadn’t even come close to dating anyone since my first relationship....

Then that person I dated was poly too and I wasn’t very honest with them and acted like I was cool with it and then once they said they were going on a date with someone it was clear i was having anxiety panics about it and wasn’t okay with it... I did not do a good job at communicating why I wasn’t okay with it though. That whole relationship had poor communication... 

It’s like I understand on paper how non-monogamy makes sense. I understand that people can be in love with multiple people at the same time. But it’s like my emotions, anxieties, and insecurities don’t understand... 

I also just am worried like what if I’m just not good at non-monogamy? it’s not like I just naturally one day was like.. ya know what monogamy is stupid and I prefer non-monogamy! ... It was more like, I feel broken and hard to love and like I’m not good enough for anyone... and every single person i have a crush on is non-monogamous ... so .. i guess i’m non-monogam-ish ...cuz i don’t want to be alone... i guess it’s just like I feel so hard to love i wanna prove to myself I can be in a healthy relationship... which I believe I can and I deserve one... I just do not know if non-monogamy is what a healthy relationship for me looks like. I don’t want to be non-monogamist because I don’t want to be alone... that’s just sad.... 

[[I just have no interest in dating anyone else rn and I think it’s hard for me to understand that you do. I think that’s a big thing.  But like, if i was in your shoes and someone i was friends with, like if my one hot friend said they have a crush on me i would be like hell yea let’s see if this can work... it’s like i know if i were in your shoes I would do the same... ]]

it just sucks, my brain will not stop suggesting that you dating someone else means i’m not good enough. 

Anytime I even think about the fact you are dating someone else it gives me a lot of anxiety and i quickly try to think about something else and it’s just like... ugh that’s not a good feeling. I get so triggered and feel like i’m lesser than. 

I know these thoughts and feelings are just based off my past experiences... but I just have this fear of like what if I’m just not non-monogamous... l’ve never dated someone that was monogamous and I hate the idea that I’m just choosing this to please the other person because that is what i am doing right now at least... 

[[I feel like when I move to a bigger city being non-monogamous would make more since to me maybe... idk .. i haven’t had many relationships... i’ve never been dating someone and wanted to be with someone else... i feel like i can be very comfortable with just 1 person and i don’t need more... but i understand the idea of something falling into your lap and wanting to explore it... ]]

I think I could be non-monogamous, we just need to talk about so much more and I always feel anxious thinking about you dating someone else because I have not shared with you my past consistent issues with non-monogamy and i’m not sure how you’ll react...

From my last email you acknowledged you assumed I was fine with non-monogamy and you should’ve opened up a conversation-- and i agree i wish that would’ve happened-- and i guess this is me trying to open up this conversation because this stresses me out most days and I need this conversation to be open.. I just feel so insecure and my anxiety is awful and i feel like everyone knows im insecure about this and it’s fucking with me