#stop fucking coming after my family
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i've decided to stop being nice to people!!
#before anyone gets worried this is NOT ABOUT YOU#unless my dickhead aunt michelle is on tumblr then it is about you#please stop trying to get together with me and convert me to being a trump supporter#after youve harrassed my mom and grandma for the past few years#fuck you. fuck you so bad#its so nice to finally block your ass#merry fucking christmas bitchface#you didnt let your own mother go to her own sisters funeral#fuck you so bad#what makes you think you have the right tk#to go behind my mom and grandmas back while they are out of the country and try to “get me back”#you motherfuckers#i dont wish harm on anyone usually but you motherfucking coward i hope that stroke you had changed you and i hope the next one kills you#stop fucking coming after my family#stop trying to use me as an in to ruin my moms life further#rot in hell#ROT IN HELL ASSHOLE#anyways thats my yearly scream into the void how do i tag this#vent
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biggest complaint about you is your not a big enough hater about kralsei. Get rageful with it. Make a whole rant about how gross it is in canon. Let the rage take over
oh it takes everything i have to not say swears about it like every day trust me. i am kra/lsei number 1 biggest hater
#and number 1 biggest poly scc hater evidently (looks out on the sea of users who’ve blocked me/that I’ve blocked)#i hope I’m not in their thoughts bc they’re not in mine HDNDNNSNJ#that one I’ve just been louder about bc they’re my By Far favorite characters#but honestly I’m a lot more vindicated when it comes to My Hate Of K/ralsei#but anyway yeah its fucking weird even with what we see in canon. kris is uncomfortable around ralsei. they don’t want him to hug them aft#after the spam neo fight. ralsei tea heals them the least out of their friends. ralsei is +60 noelle is +70 susie is +120#noelle saying ‘hey that guy looks like asriel’ susie saying ‘he kinda looks like your mom’ (bc she’s never seen asriel)#kris probably looks at him and sees their brother But Not Quite.#AND I SWEAR TO FUCKIMB GOD. ‘whuh buh but kris clearly isn’t biological related! and then ralsei clearly isn’t Actually related to the dree#to the dreemurrs’ SHUT THE FUCK UP ! shut the entire fuck up ! even so. you don’t know shit actually !#look me in the fucking face and acknowledge. 1 adopted families are real families. don’t fucking start w that shit#2 if you look at someone who looks like your fucking Brother and go ‘would.’ there’s no saving you actually#kr/alsei likers are fucking weirdos you can take that one to the bank#not even getting into All the art I’ve seen of ‘kris Doesnr like ralsei but ralsei likes them and the player wants them together and ral#and ralsie is Using this to his advantage to Be in that relationship even though Kris Doesn’t Like It. fucking nasty.#the monarch’s court#stops pacing. smooths my hair. ok I’m normal again
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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what do you mean you don’t think you’re gonna be buried at my side
#I CANT STOP LAUGHINGGGG AT TOMS EXPRESSION IN THE THIRD SHOT HES LIKE. AND THATS THAT ON THAT#HES SO RIDICULOUS!!!!! I LOVE IT WHEN HE'S UNHINGED#greg you DUMMY if I get fired if I die you are coming with me!!!!!!#greg: he likes me so i'm safe tho#tom: huh???????????????????? how is that relevant???? we're one and the same????? if i die so do you ??? you're my soulmate? lmfao#the only mf you can trust is ME or did you forget that. idc if he likes you you're MINE and only i will take care of you#WHO HAS EVER LOOKED AFTER YOU IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY#ALO THE WAY HE LOOKSA T HIM WHEN HE SAYS THE HIGHEST PAID ASSISTANT GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#he can't even talk shit any more without looking at him like he's everything to him TOM YOU ARE SLIPPIIIIIING#''its the family death march'' stop SAYING that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 WE GET IT YOU COUNT GREG AS YOUR FAMILY!!!!!! YOU COUNT HIM AS#YOUR EVERYTHING!!!!!!! I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!11111111111#tomgreg#yall just. just ANNOYING#also alsooooo the fact that tom was like did i do good? did i sound good? like greg was his little spouse brought along to a#work meet thing. that sounded good to the boss right? what do you think honey? sounded okay?#i hate them fr#ALSO SUGAR BABY GREG! SUGAR BABY GREG! SUGAR BABY GREG! S
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i havent followed the manga in several months and im not interested in catching up again but has bakugo un-died yet. has deku saved him yet with the power of gay love. or is he still getting open heart surgery. has this boy been getting open heart surgery for the past 8 months.
#shut up pandora#bnha#boku no hero academia#katsuki bakugo#izuku midoriya#bakudeku#i guess#the first time bakugo Fucking McDied was pretty romantic#and i guess the second time deku did get pretty mad about it so fuck it im down#its shounen so dekus will they wont they with uraraka is so misogynistic#that his relationship with bakugo has become the greatest love story of all time#i jest ofc#even if they became canon RIGHT NOW the rest of the story is too mid for them to be even a particularly good love story#but its also the only relationship in bnha that i still care about after the disrespect they showed my girl momo#and the direction they went with the todoroki family#and the general plot progression#imma stop talking about that bc this is not a complain about bnha post this is a 'is bakugo still dead' post#but yeah although this is the only bnha ship i still care about i dont think horikoshis brave enough to make them canon#but if all the tjlc-ing from the bakudeku fans come true and they really do pull a fakeout and bkdk gets together#i will stomach the poor plot progression and hatred towards women and start following the manga again#but yeah if hes still dead horikoshi get on it???#it was dramatic the first few chapters but if you drag it out for several months ppl (me) are going to get tired of it and drop the series
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It's kinda funny how people reject the comics bc Batman is abusive and it's mostly ignored/not addressed properly... and then instead go read fic where Batman is abusive but it's ignored/not addressed properly
#my dc posting#dc#bruce wayne#batman#i dont read comics bc bruce is such an abusive asshole. instead i read 'happy' batfam fic- most of which has bruce be an abusive asshole#but no don't worry. at the end after countless mistakes and mistreatment of his kids he'll tell them he loves them and they'll forgive him#immediately and everything will be rainbows and sunshine#he just has issues with communication 💞 he loves them so much he just don't know how to show it >_> once he does though#everything he's done will be excused and ignored in favour of a cute lil family hug <3 isn't this such good parenting#it is genuinely so disturbing to read that over and over again bc the writers don't realize how horrific that is so it's not tagged w the#proper warnings#once again. most fics start out good w bruce fucking up monumentally and it rly explores how the kids feel and cope w it and it's just#so good#and then the moment the 'making up' moment comes on it's like i've gone from a gourmet meal to a trash-bin half-eaten burger#at this point i oftentimes just stop reading the moment the Big Clarification of the misunderstanding comes up bc it's just immediately#gonna turn into ''oops silly bruce is a lil silly and feels soooo bad and Hugs His Kid once (1) solving all of the issues''#and see the thing is. i like bruce!!! i like batman!!!! just when he's not written like this :)#well no actually i still like him as a character even when he's being shitty. but not when the narrative bends over backwards to excuse#his actions. yknow?#there's so many fics with so many good premises and so many fascinating ways they could explore the characters and their relationships#but the moment batman is put into the mix it feels like everyone's brains turn off to dickride him as the Ultimate Father who just has a fe#issues#this is like my 10th post on this topic. but it's so common and keeps happening!! that i keep having more thoughts and complaints abt it!!!
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Everyone, remind me to not trust my dad’s relatives with food and parties because they can’t do even that much the right way. The peoples are so questionable 💀
#— ❥ kelrambles;#.text#also don’t get me started on my jobless cousin telling me she found 5 jobs FOR ME but they all seem just like… scam…#because girl why are you trusting instagram ads now to find yourself a job???? 😭💀#but her finding five jobs for me while she is jobless and with a kid to raise it’s what actually takes me out#albanian relatives feels WAAAAAAY too entitled to thing they shouldn’t be feeling entitled about#literally mind your fucking business???#you the same girl who called me immature when i had a breakdown from stress in the hardest moment of my life#and now you come to me acting like you didn’t project your entire being and existence on me???? bitch go away???#she narcissistic arrogant presumptuous bossy and stuck up as hell because picking only one bad trait felt too insulting to her#literally stop chasing after me and chase after your 4yo son????? 😭#anyways… some peoples needs a reality check and to be humbled so bad#she the same who tells me that i can’t talk back because i dropped out of school… like i wasn’t forced by our relatives to do that lmfao#she has regarded me with the heinous shits EVER since i was a kid but the bad one is always me when i talk back to her 🫥#get so much why diego doesn’t pull up to any family gathering and stays away from these peoples 🤭
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bepo "i have to grieve over my brother but my husband is back from his personal little war and I'm way too happy about that so i'm crying out of happiness instead" of the mink tribe
when something happens but you are already entirely occupied with a much bigger thing - and its crazy that law going off on his "i may not return, sorry" mission alone - WAS more important to bepo in the moment than learning about the death of his brother...
because realistically he kinda lost his brother when zepo left when bepo was 8. he just vaguely held onto hope of possibly seeing him again. learning that big mom killed him took away that possibility and that's all that bepo lost
meanwhile law is bepo's whole life....he lived with law for his conscious years as a teen and adult, and even in simple numbers he lived with law for longer that he lived on zou
i'm absolutely reading too much into the bad writing and shoddy development of bepo& zepo's story, filling the giant gap all by myself but i like that it being underwritten aids to lawbepo. and i love the simple brutality of it
#no point to make really#sorry to be insane and TMI but its like when in april i bumped and scratched another car in the parking lot on my 3rd day of owning mine#but it happened a couple of weeks after my mother died#so i was like yeah sure ok. completely numb#in bepos case zepos death is the mazda that i scratched#plz clap its funny#talk tag#anyway i love bepo chan sm law has to fuck him so hard he bleeds from the nose from overheating#adrenaline from having his goal accomplished has left his body but its filled with refreshed appreciation for things in his life#cora san gave you this life to be happy#your family wouldnt want you to be alone#and you fullfilled their wishes you made a family of your own!!!!#they love you so much#and bepo loves you the most#and he waited for you like you told him#because hes reliable and wonderful like that#you gotta destroy his ass for it come on....he was so stressed out he cant stop crying just looking at you#give him smth to cry about (in a sexy and good way)#these tags are a mess#lawbepo#death mention tw
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Someone: ugh marvel sucks now
Me: you're so right, 100%, agree completely
Someone: they peaked in endgame
Me: ...
#i will never understand why people like endgame#i mean i hated infinity war bc it had to do the contrived shit where very powerful characters had to be very foolish#bc otherwise they could win immediately#and the way that they decided saving vision was more important than the hundreds of wakandans that would die instead#and many many other reasons#but endgame was a billion times worse#it had exactly one redeeming quality and that was Steve using Thor's hammer#but even that was undercut by his ending so#anyway Steve should've done the snap and Tony should've retired to be with his family#and also everything else about that movie sucked too#god the fucking “”“girl power”“” shot where all the women come together to help a man when they should've just given it to Captain marvel#way to admit you have zero female characters by the way#also way to disrespect black widow like where was her wreath during the funeral scene??#anyway there's a billion more problems with that movie but my point is people will be like “everything after endgame sucks”#and I'm like my guy everything after whatever movie was before infinity war sucks#tbf i heard the new black panther and guardians are good#but I've stopped giving marvel my money so#marvel#anti endgame#anti marvel
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If your life circumstances have always required from you an abnormal amount of strength and resilience, I see you. If your inner child lets out a small sob anytime someone compliments you on that strength, I see you. If that strength translates to you being some form of domineering/abrasive because you learned early on that your lot in life was to take care of yourself because nobody else ever did, I see you. If you are so fucking angry all the time and can't pinpoint why, I see you. If you've had to watch as people you care about continue to abandon you in adulthood because you grew up to be type A, controlling and assertive, I see the fuck out of you. It's not your fault that nobody ever gave you a soft place to land so that you could be your true self. And I won't inundate you with condescending platitudes about how you'll find your person/people one day.
Some of us are lucky, but to depend on external sources for your well being is a crap shoot. I won't tell you to keep looking for your home in other people. Home is where you are. Take that strength you've painstakingly cultivated since you were a child, and quadruple it. Become bulletproof, unbreakable. Don't let anyone else find a fault line in you to exploit ever again.
#personal#as someone who tried the route of opening myself up and trusting others even though every fiber in my traumatized body screamed NO#i have been predictably disappointed over and over and over again#i'm not saying isolate yourself necessarily but cultivate a small circle lock it in and stop desiring others to fulfill you#take what you get as a bonus in life but stop thinking that your fulfillment comes from family and romantic relationships#there's a reason these relationships are the most abusive#the more attached you are the weaker you are i hate to say it#and i swear abusers can smell it on you#make peace with the possibility of being solitary in life because until you do others will always be able to control you#i'm sorry that you were fed lies about love and human connection#but the reality is that to most people you are an npc in their life#men are not waiting to be your happily ever after or to finally let you rest after a lifetime of abuse#no matter WHAT they say or how convincingly#if you're a woman seeking a man know that they primarily desire to fuck you and to possess you as a status symbol. that's it.#listen i used to be a love is all you need girl but experience and copious amounts of therapy have taught me that i am all i need.#childhood trauma#childhood abuse#abusive relationships#narcissistic parents#btw this is not an invitation to try and prove me wrong i am happy to have mutuals i interact with#but i am no longer taking applications for new friends or partners#after careful culling the remaining family and friends i have love and care for me just fine i am more than satisfied#now that i've learned how to actually love myself properly there is no void i need others to fill#if i never got close to a new person again i'd be MORE than alright
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Aside from the noble platypus I also feel like rui would really enjoy these animals:
Mola mola/Sunfish
Anteater
Echidna
Kiwi
Kākāpō
Axolotl
Horseshoe crab
Gibbon
#i have reasoning for all of these beyond ‘they look funny’ trust#mola mola are just. so fucking weird man. they’re so odd. their back fin grows back on itself? they’re so rigid it reduces drag#but they ‘swim’ really slowly? they swim similar to how a bird flies. just sideways. largest bony fish. they bask to get enough warmth#to allow them to dive super deep to forage for food (cold blooded so they’d be fucked without doing that)#anteaters are interesting. did you know they’ve (the giant ones) killed jaguars and humans before#because they walk on the knuckles to keep the huge knives on their feet sharp and their threat response#is basically just ‘swipe blindly (poor vision) at whatever comes close until it stops coming back’#echidnas are fellow monotremes (only ones besides the platypus) and are just as strange#they also have electrosensors (~2000 compared to the platypus’s 40000) and a similarly low body temp#(second lowest of all mammals after. u guessed it. the platypus) and are actually decent swimmers despite looking Like That#kiwis are weird beasts.#massive eggs compared to their body size. rely more on scent than sight because their eyes are so tiny and under developed.#kākāpō are the heaviest parrot and also the only flightless parrot. they also kinda resemble owls face wise? and they’re green.#evolved with no natural predators and are currently being fucked over by invasive rats#axolotl is self explanatory#although to give a fun fact the wild type is naturally brown. the fun colored ones would be easy prey in the wild.#& they’re capable of going through metamorphosis (like how tadpoles -> frogs) if exposed to the necessary hormones#but they don’t produce it on their own#horseshoe crabs despite having crab in the name are more closely related to spiders/ticks/scorpions than crabs#& gibbons are included because 1 I’m biased towards my favorite animal 2 only species of lesser ape. live in family units.#tbf I think he’d like all apes and probably prefer orangutans/chimps but I’m saving you the extensive lecture on great apes#here at ssruis we strive to be educational.#biology cool. despite me dropping out of the program (treated as premed at my college and I could NOT do chem let alone orgchem/physics) but#i liked biolab/the units abt animals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#rui
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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Got to dream about being Erica last night, which was cool. Specifically in like, a no-Haven AU but when I finally got to break out all of the poisons, dose literally all the food, and start smashing people's heads in with crochet mallets, my GOD that shit was satisfying.
#I got to get this weird double bind where my family members knew I had something deeply fucking wrong with me the neighbors did not#and my original stepdad had died so my stepmom had remarried to a guy who had only met me as an adult#so he was very relaxed and calm about me for the most part but every once in awhile my normal personality would come out and scare the#living piss out of him. like there was a squirrel in the backyard which actually turned out to be a dog coati type thing because I was#dreaming but also because Erica has a higher prey drive than I do and in real life mine only gets activated for like squirrels and shit and#I know she used to hunt and kill dogs. so naturally when the stepdad guy was kind of pussyfooting around this thing I was like fuck it.#I'll scare it off if you wont. advanced on it announcing quite comprehensively that I was not only going to eat it. I wanted to eat it. it#couldn't stop me. and I was very hungry. this scared the living piss out of the dog (who not only ran away but pretty much begged for#another dog to come save it) but also alarmed my stepdad a bit. after that I think that that was when he stopped letting me feed his fish?#he had some fuck ass nephew he introduced to me because he thought that we could maybe start dating or some shit like that and I was not#really super enthused but if he knew what happened to my fiance he absolutely would not have done that LMFAO#also unrelatedly there was a snake! she was a strike risk like nobody's business and did not like her tank at all but could be relied upon#to coil up on my shoulders and not disappear so easily so I got to wear her around a couple times. very fun part of the dream. aside from#also dreamed up an episode of disenchantment. the Netflix show.
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I keep seeing posts of people saying that a term transphobes stole and are using incorrectly to be transphobes is a Horrible Transphobic Term and Anyone who uses it is transphobic and it's Not Real and Entirely Not True when it's literally an actual anthropological term that has studies about it and is actually very useful for Everyone to think about, cis and trans, and be critical of. I hate seeing people respond to dumb hate by entirely writing off everything even remotely connected to the twisted shit bigots use when the shit the bigots are stealing and twisting is still like... a thing?
#how are assigned genders a thing but 'i was raised as a girl and im trans' isnt ?#like thats what socialization is. i was raised as my assigned gender#its not something that i Am. im not Female Socialized. i was [past tense] raised as a girl#and so raised with certain biases that i cant even put into words cuz they are subtle. but still are something i am learning to be watchful#of and shit?#but guess what? i have spent more of my conscious life being socialized as a man since i came out at 14.#socialization is literally just the way others treat you based on perceived social categories like gender#and obviously not everyone was socialized the same ?? its not smth that applies to everyone at all ??#so if it doesnt apply to you then just... dont use it!#but it can be useful for some people sometimes#and its useful for cis people too!!#a cis woman can remind herself that she was raised encouraged to take up less space and so move to counteract that#like fuck idk. i see posts like 'im on the train and a family is across from me#and the little boys are playing and shit but the little girl is being told 'you cant sit like that because youre wearing a skirt'#so she isnt able to play as roudy as her brothers because shes wearing a skirt and certain 'manners' comes with that“#like. THATS socialization its just a bunch of little stuff like that#a cis man can remind himself that he is allowed to express emotions and be vulnerable even after being raised being told that#'boys dont cry' etc like. idk its a very subtle thing and its just messy and cultural and social#and not easy to describe or study#but there are studies of adult participants asked to play with toddlers#in a room of toys. and they encourage toddlers in dresses to play with dolls and toddlers in overalls to play with trucks#and were told afterwards that the toddlers names and clothing was 'switched'#so these adults who thought they were so open minded realized how biased they still were etc etc etc#its super super subtle shit#'i was bullied for being queer' does not mean you were never socialized ? like. that in itself is socialization#and socialization is a term useful for more than just gender and shit id say. like i was sorta raised in a certain culture#and thats the socialization im accustomed to. and so now as i reconnect to a different culture and enter these social spaces#im.learning a different way to present and go about things#idk idk idk i definitely do not agree with calling a random trans person socialized as their assigned gender or anything#i dont make assumptions about the way others have been raised but like. stop letting bigots poison actual real terms please.
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With two divorces and three deaths in the family over the last year and a half my family is completely fracturing but mostly I feel sourly grateful that this didn't happen when I was a teenager and I'm really sorry for my younger cousins who are Really Going Through It rn.
#chit chat#i haven't seen my youngest cousins in almost a year#because after the divorce they stopped coming to family gatherings#i hope they're doing well#cuz i don't have their phone number or their address since the divorce#and then with the other divorce#everyone involved except one is an adult#and for that one this will be the second divorce her parents have gone through while she was a teenager#i can't imagine what it's like for her rn#and then the deaths of course completely shattered everyone on top of that#fuck this stupid baka life#but thank fuck im not fourteen and dealing with this
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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