#still voted hate but because of who he is not bc of how he’s written like many others I voted hate for

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

There’s some interesting choices to make here cause like, for me specifically anyway, Bojack Horseman is a terrible person. He’s an asshole and MOST of the things that happen to him in his adult life are his own fault. But I LOVE him as a character. Because despite being a show about Hollywood celebrity’s with animal heads and names like Mr. Peanut Butter, Bojack Horseman honestly feels more REAL than most other adult animation. It’s so fascinating to watch him as he makes bad choices for so long, but then finally when he tries to get his shit together, his actions come back and bite him in the ass. And like. It’s tragic because we just saw him work so hard to get better, only for him to fall again, but everything WAS his fault, he made those bad choices and has to live with the consequences.

I just like the sad drunk horse he makes me feel emotions 🐴🥃��

I feel a similar way, and as some people in the tags of his poll pointed out I think he’s definitely not the type of character suited for this competition. He’s gonna stay in anyways because I like the discussion being sparked about it and he WAS submitted by someone, but yeah, it’s very much a “great character, terrible person” situation, the show makes it hard to sympathize with him and also hard not to. He’s too complex to boil down to just “love” or “hate”, so ya really just gotta judge which one weighs out here

[kooahae]

After Last Night: The First Date

So...I got encouraged about starting the ALN drabble series since I kind of hinted at it, and received feedback to do so...you voted and the first date wins!

Summary: It’s official! Jungkook wants to have the perfect first date. 

Pairing: best friends to lovers, Jungkook X female reader 

Warnings: None really, maybe a few curse words, light choking during a kiss, This is really fluffy and cute. Jungkook is a simp and we love that for OC! Pet names, kissing, just super cute!

Word count:3K -got carried away bc I love them :)

Read part 1 here if you haven't already <3

Read the next drabble here

It’s been about two weeks since he asked if he could be your boyfriend. He has been busy with work and everything, but he’s still made time for you. He just knows you deserve more than cuddles and sex -not that he hates either of these by any means. Jungkook has been on his A-game the whole time. He's made sure to plan the most perfect date. You haven’t pressured him about one, but he still feels he should treat you like a princess.

He had Jimin call up Yoongi- who is really hard to get ahold of. Partially because he’s revealed he plans on expanding on the restaurant he owns with Jungkook’s older brother. Luckily today, Yoongi had a bit of free time. He even tried Taehyung, but he was busy helping Namjoon set up a new space. Namjoon left the company due to Seojun’s promotion. Hobi was out of town working on some fashion pieces for his upcoming collection. Your brother was way too obvious, and If he had tried his older brother Jin- you really would have known. So yup, that leaves Yoongi. 

Jungkook’s currently in the flower shop getting a custom bouquet of both of your birth flowers. He was still stuck on what color paper to get them wrapped in.  He swears he didn’t know it would be this difficult. He just wants you to be impressed, he wants you to feel like you made a good choice trusting him with your heart. So today has to be perfect!

“Hi, do you need help?” An elderly woman approaches him at the perfect time. Paying attention to her clothes, Jungkook can tell she works here. 

“Uhh…Yeah what color paper should someone get, does stuff like that matter?” He asks her as he looks at all the different ones in front of him 

Jungkook has bought flowers before, but he never went to an actual florist for them to make his own bouquet combo. He would just buy someone the ones in a grocery store most of the time. 

The older woman chuckles “You’re asking about paper? She must be special, I’d get a neutral-colored paper so it doesn’t take away from the flowers. Plus, you’re gonna put them in a vase. Don’t think too much.”

He nods. She’s right, this is her field of knowledge anyway. 

He’s still not satisfied though. 

“Mmm, can I double the amount of flowers? This doesn’t seem like enough.”  he rubs his palms against his jeans, his bottom lip poking out at the bouquet in front of him. He’s down bad, and there simply aren’t enough flowers to give someone as pretty as you. 

“A big bouquet? she’s definitely special! Sure thing. I’m gonna take a guess and say you’re the tiger lily in the situation?” She questions him gathering more flowers. 

He runs his hands through his hair and looks down at his shoes. Damn, he really is obvious. It’s not his fault, he just loves you that much. “How did you know?” He questions. 

“You have smitten lover boy written all over you. You’re worried about paper. I’ve never seen someone so stuck on that. Most men just let me wrap them in whatever, or choose black.” She continues. “Would you like to add a message?”

He nods and takes the pen and card from her. Writing a simple and sweet message. He pays, thanks her for the help, and makes his way

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

His next stop is setting up the rooftop of your favorite childhood hideout.  He even asked Jimin and his mom for baby pictures of you both to put into a snow globe. He’s been coming here thirty minutes before work every day to make sure the floor was swept, the area was free of any trash or things that could make you fall. You guys haven’t been here in a while. 

He decides to check in with his older brother Jin, to see if he thinks what he’s planned is a good idea.

“Hello?”- thankfully he answered his call. 

“Hey hyung, are you busy? Do you have a moment?” Jungkook is desperate for a second opinion. 

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I’m really nervous. I know you’re probably tired of me calling you about my girlfriend, but can I tell you what I’ve planned? Can you tell me if I’m being a little paranoid about her not liking it ?” He says while glancing over his work, phone pressed to his ear, scuffing his feet as he walks to have a seat. 

“Sure Kook, go ahead. I’m listening. Also not tired of hearing about your girlfriend, yet. At least this is one I actually love, and approve of.” Jin really does love you, you’re like his little sister in a sense. Always at the house to spend time with his baby brother as a kid. He’s fond of you for sure. 

“A rooftop dinner, at our childhood hideout”

There’s nothing but silence. 

“Uhh…Hyung…why haven’t you said anything? Is It childish?” Jungkook is really nervous. What is taking Jin so long to answer?

“I’m here. You had more than one so I had to think. The one on the roof? That’s cute man! “ Jin’s impressed. That’s a good sign. 

“Yes, that one! I made a bunch of her favorite foods, set up a projector for movie night, and got a flower bouquet It’s a mix of our birth flowers, and bean bags for the movie, I also got her a gift but like is that too much?” He’s really questioning it all. Normally Jungkook wouldn’t be so unsure. You’re just his everything. You fill him with a great sense of joy. Getting this right is crucial. 

“She’s going to love it.” His brother states on the other end of the phone calming your boyfriend down. 

“You’ve known her your whole life, don’t be so scared Kook. You know her better than anyone else and luckily she feels the same way. Be yourself, that’s who she fell for.” Jin tells him. 

“You’re right hyung! Thank you for always listening to me. I know I’m a lot.” Jungkook makes sure he expresses his gratitude. He’s thankful for Jin. Truly means it. 

“Yes, you are a lot. Now make her the happiest girl on earth.”

“Will do!” Jungkook states before hanging up. He takes one last look around. Everything is finally in place. So he gets up and then heads home to change.  

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Once he gets home he takes his phone out to text you. He forgot to check in with you while he was on the rooftop. 

-Hey baby, how’s your day going? 

Naekkeo🤍🪽: I miss you and I’m hungry!

Yoongi won’t feed me! He’s being weird, can we order dinner?

Jungkook smiles as he reads your message. Yoongi must be getting asked a million questions about food right now. He can already see your frown forming about the lack of nutrients in your body. In your defense, Yoongi does own a restaurant with Jungkook’s older brother Jin. Being food-deprived by him is weird. He decides to play it cool when he responds, but he’s also honest. 

- I can’t wait to hear about your day in person. As far as dinner, of course. See you when you get here!

Jungkook hurries and changes into something comfortable. He knows sweatpants and a hoodie seem crazy for a rooftop dinner and movie. It’s one of his more expensive ones though and he also knows you’re gonna want to cuddle while watching a movie, and that rooftops get a little chilly. He should be himself like Jin said. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

 He finally hears the door open and smiles at the sound of you walking in. He knows you’re doing your usual entrance routine with Bam. Teaching Bam to give you high fives was the coolest thing when he was a puppy. It’s cute that you still make sure he’s included when you walk in. It’s really nice to have you back home too.  

You finally walk into the room and see your boyfriend smiling at you as he sits on the bed, you climb onto his lap and kiss him. 

“Missed you so so much!” you’ve been waiting all day to see him. The excitement in your voice is evident. 

“I missed you too baby.” He says and then he watches you sit your head back up, noticing your brows are now furrowed in. 

“Wait, why are you dressed and not in home clothing? What’s the reason for this shirt blocking my view?” You ask him, tilting your head. You try and lift his shirt but he swats your hand away, cracking up in the process. 

“You can see me shirtless later! You’re about to change into something too. My hoodie is over there. You can keep your jeans on, but I recommend wearing sneakers.”

You tilt your head some more and Jungkook kisses the middle of your forehead.

“Always worrying. I’m taking you to dinner. Go change.” He pats you lightly on the butt.

You smile and get up. Dinner out of the house sounds like fun. You wouldn’t care if it was fast food. You genuinely love spending time with him. Always have. 

You throw on his hoodie and your sneakers since he recommended it. He holds his hand out for you to take, and you both head to his car. Once you’re both inside Jungkook starts searching for something. 

“Ah almost forgot. Blindfold time.” He says flashing a smile, his nose scrunching a little. 

“If you’re trying to kill me for taking so long to be your girlfriend, Jimin will find you.” You joke and he laughs. 

“No one is dying here. If you’re gone, then I can’t be your boyfriend. That would suck.”  He assures you but then continues. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t take you on a proper date, hmm?” 

That makes you smile, per usual. You really weren’t expecting a date today. You would have prepared more, but you trust him. He would tell you if you looked crazy leaving the house for sure. Plus, you’re kind of already done up from hanging out with Yoongi.

“Anything you do is great. You would be a mediocre boyfriend though.” You say while pointing at him agreeing. You’re so cute. 

“And I don’t want that. I want to be the world’s best boyfriend. Come here.” He responds

You let him slide the blindfold over you, stealing a kiss before he can adjust the tightness to make sure you can’t peak. 

“You barely hesitated to let me put that on you. You probably like that, don’t you?”He’s laughing. Something you’ll never get tired of hearing. You pick up on his little comment though. 

You reach to feel for his arm since you can’t see, and once you do find it, you slap him playfully. 

“You’re always being kinky!” You say and he laughs some more. 

“You literally tried to strip me of my clothes a few minutes ago on the bed.” Fair point.

“I just wanted a peak!” You can’t even see him but it’s making your heart flutter. Putting one hand on your thigh as he puts the car in gear.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Okay, I’m gonna open your door, and crouch down to get on my back, okay baby?”

“You keep calling me baby, only future husbands can do that .” You say as you follow his instructions crouching down. 

“That’s not a problem for me at all. Been waiting my whole life for a chance. We can get married.” He is serious, whether you believe him or not. He doesn’t mean now of course but eventually, he’d love it. 

If Jungkook knows how to do anything- he knows how to make your cheeks red and have you smile like an idiot. You wish you could see his face right now. He probably has a smile as big as yours on his own. 

Once you’re on his back he starts walking and you recognize the movement of him going up some steps. You smile to yourself. He really could have told you to walk but he’s carrying you up flights of stairs, on his back. How can he be so manly but so cute all the time?

“Okay, we are here. I’m gonna sit you down now.” He crouches down and lets you off. You’re safely in the middle. 

“I wanna see!” You say. The amount of enthusiasm you have makes Jungkook’s heart skip. Seriously, Why are you so cute? He’ll have to remember to thank your mom another time for making you. 

He hurries and walks to the table he set up to get the flower bouquet and then he walks to you. Undoing your blindfold and smiling. 

“It’s officially our first date, I wanted to surprise you.” He sing-songs looking at you with the biggest smile on his face. Stretching his arms out to hand you a bouquet. It’s beautiful, just like him. The message with them makes you feel warm inside. 

’Thank you for choosing me, 

I am so happy that it’s finally us!  

HAPPY FIRST DATE TO  MY GIRLFRIEND  (never gonna get tired of calling you that)

- Koo &lt;3 ’ 

As you look around, you feel your eyes get teary and then you smile and look at him. 

“Jungkook! This is so nice!!” You say and reach for his face, kissing him softly on the lips. 

“ I just want you to know I feel really lucky to be your boyfriend.” He holds you close to his chest

“Kook, you really did all this for me?” You say peeking up at him. Jungkook looks down at you. Your pretty eyes glancing back at his. You’re always going to be his type. 

He smiles and nods his head proudly. “Well yeah… because I love you.” He says matter of factly. 

You return his smile. “I love you. I feel really lucky to be your girlfriend.”

“It’s me who should be thanking you for always sticking by my side. You have no idea how horrible things feel when you aren’t there with me. You deserve all of this and more.” He says kissing your forehead. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

You’re now situated on the bean bags while the projector plays movies. Sitting in his lap-Just like he knew you would be.

“Do you remember when we found this place? ” He asks you as he holds you, bringing your hand to his lips to kiss it. 

“Yeah, I remember someone dragging me up a weird staircase at ten years old..” You giggle and poke his chest while looking up at him. 

“In my defense, we used to love a good adventure. It wasn’t anything too dangerous. We always stood in the middle. We always take the staircase that leads up here and not the ladder, it’s been a foolproof plan for a while.” He points out and brushes your hair out of your face. You guys have been reminiscing all night. The food was excellent, so now you’re paying minimal attention to the movie. He kisses your cheek and then he just stops. He’s staring at you…

“What?” 

“You’re just really fucking cute.” He says as he leans to kiss you passionately. Jungkook continues “And I’m glad you liked my idea, I spent all day trying to impress you. This just worked out way better than I expected.” He holds you tightly and then remembers something…

He didn’t even show you the snow globe he got to commemorate the occasion. He was too busy making sure you were eating.  He will never forget your face when he got you the first one, he also broke that one but…it was an accident.  He swears! He just finds it cute how happy you get every time he gives you one.

You part your mouth interrupting his thoughts. “I’ve been impressed by you my whole life, you have officially ruined me for any other guy. I was impressed back then, I’m impressed now.” You make sure he understands, as your fingers play with the zipper on his jacket. 

“Thank you, I’m glad that you love me just as much as I love you.” He says again smiling. He’s been doing that a lot lately. So have you. You’re with the right person and it couldn’t feel any better. 

 “You have a present on the table and I forgot to give it to you.” He’s looking at you. Dimples on display, eyebrows raised and another cute little grin is plastered across his face. 

Your head shoots up, so he stands up leading you to the table. Then hands you the box to unwrap the snow globe. A childhood picture of you and a young Jungkook in matching panda onesies from his 4th birthday. You’ve been asking for this photo for years and he always told you no because it was his favorite. 

“Koo! Oh my god! You really are gonna let me have this?”

He nods yeah one more time. He watches you shake the snow globe and skip around out of happiness. He’s happy just watching you enjoy it. Your joy shines through in this moment. He loves it. He loves you.

“If four-year-old me knew the girl who spilled banana milk on my panda pajamas would be the love of my life. He might’ve smiled more in this picture, instead of sticking his tongue out at you.” He says wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

“Interesting, you put your tongue into my mouth nowadays.” You’re so unserious, What is he gonna do with you?

“Now who’s the kinky one? Come here.” He says as he wraps his hand around your neck tilting your head upward lightly choking you as he swallows your moans into the kiss pushing his tongue into your mouth. 

“Proving me right?” You say raising one eyebrow and he nods his head yeah while grinning. Then pecks you one more time on your lips and kisses the tip of your nose. 

“One more gift.” He says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Jewelry box for tonight’s final touch - a necklace with his initials on it. He carefully places it around your neck. 

“There.” He says kissing the crook of your neck. 

You reach and touch the JK that now sits perfectly on your chest. Jungkook Is the man of your dreams. No question about it. 

“I love this! I’m never taking it off!” You say spinning in his arms to face him and shower him in kisses

“I got a necklace!” You start kissing his right cheek

“And it’s got my favorite person on it!” Now you’re kissing his other cheek. 

“I’m never gonna..” You say kissing him with all your being.

“Take it off.” He says finishing the phrase for you and smiling at you. You’re both giggling and just smiling at each other as he sways you back and forth in his arms. The fondness between the both of you is obvious. 

You both just stare into each other’s eyes for a while until you break the silence. 

“Wanna go home?” You ask him.  

He pecks your lips one more time spinning you in his arms. Your back is now to his chest. So, he slides his hand over your heart, sits his chin on your shoulder, and whispers into your ear.

“I’m already there.” 

Best. First. Date. Ever. 

Taglist: @diorh0seokie @taesungx @kimber-kook @jennafromhome @joyfulwobblerhoagieegg

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for writing a fake crush note to a homophobe?

So for starters, I AM gay, just not in that direction, and I definitely am not attracted to him

So there's this guy at my school that's very homophobic. Which isn't wholly surprising given that we're in a red state, but still sucks. His phrasing of things is often very uncomfortable, like he'll ask you if you "agree with LGBT" which is just- tf?? He's also the guy that sent a link to a pinterest post about Dumbledore being gay (yes, THAT Dumbledore) with the caption "my day is now ruined :(" so yeah I'm not too fond of him. He was also emotionally manipulative towards one of my close friends, something I'm not going to get into here bc that's her business but needless to say the guy sucks. We'll refer to him as Homophobe.

Thing is, dude gives off really strong bi vibes. Not entirely sure what it is about him, but until he started being openly homophobic I was certain he was bi. Quite a few of my other queer friends agreed when I casually mentioned this.

So we all hate Homophobe for a variety of reasons, right? And we were having a discussion about him for whatever reason, and we had the idea to write an anonymous note mentioning that he feels very bi bc his reaction would be funny. Stick it on his locker between periods and yeah. But because of our extreme dislike towards him, it pretty quickly devolved into How Can We Fuck Up This Guy's Life Without Being Too Mean.

Someone proposed the idea of writing it as a gay kid that has a crush on him, mentioning that multiple people have agreed that Homophobe seems very bisexual. I was voted to be the person that writes the note, as I'm the best at writing in different handwritings and having it look natural. So the note's been written. It doesn't say who it's from, just that the imaginary kid shares a class with him, likes him, and asks Homophobe to leave a note in a certain location if he likes him back.

And just- I dunno, I was on board with this idea at first but I'm starting to have more doubts about this. Is this a dick move?

What are these acronyms?

[jrueships]

tag yourself as some of my favorite players except if you can tag yourself, you may need help . Ignore the pronouns lol

Jaboobi

doesn't know how to hold a proper conversation if it doesn't involve at least one special interest

picky eater

do NOT interrupt when in the middle of doing one out of the many favorite monotonous tasks, WILL kill you

still has to hold mommy's hand when nervous

kills people who call sports 'sportsball'

actually really nice when not pissed off 24/7

' i don't have anger issues and to show how i don't have anger issues, i am going to roll this Giant Boulder over a Small Village.'

adopts random things/people when he doesn't know what to do with his life

Gay Bear

Says eep

Finds the lack of an amygdala extremely attractive

Considered a vip at furcon

Voted best babysitter in hometown, should be a school teacher if the economic state of the world wasn't corrupt

Repeats jokes that fail until someone pity laughs, will frantically look around to find anyone who might find it funny

Unironically exclaims 'it's so preppy in here!!!'

Should wear a shirt that says 'warning, will leap into your arms when frightened and WILL expect the catch to be bridal style on the whim'

Nba youngboy

' i can say 'OMG' bcs 'OMG' to me isn't an insult to God, it is my Friend'

Invites himself to parties

Eavesdrops with eyes as big as saucers and mouthing surprise. Shocked to find out his spying has been discovered

Will argue with you while holding a popsicle in the hot sun

Shameless when it comes to the opportunity of social media account growth

Would ask a stranger if they had a hysterectomy because they give hysterectomy vibes

Tried to use an egg as a drum and was surprised when it cracked

Gamer Twink

Kink is people that could kill him

Over-the-top filters over any image taken by a camera is more useful and used than oxygen

Has to do The Thinker pose when thinking

If he can't have his daily little treat or life reward for being alive on earth, considers k*lling himself

Never knows what's going on until he hears one word of what could be news and then acts like he was the primary witness at the scene

'I do really good voice impressions, wanna hear?' 'Not rea-' 'hi im spongebob'

Says 'ggs' after sex

Drew

'Skibidi toilet rizz!'

Will make a random sound. Look at you in morbid silence. Waddle away

Texts using only a single pointer finger while squinting

that one Tiktok of that one ruff n tumble man who lives in the desert and acts very disgruntled by the fact that he has now adopted a stray kitten who's crawled into his trailer, ignoring the fact that he's immediately spoiled it with a million toys and the best food, water, and care possible

Has to be euthanized to be stopped from telling people 'don't fall in' when they say they have to go use the toliet

' not reading that, sorry, not reading that, sorry, ... squeak now or forever hold your cheese ? LOL! liked :] ! ...not reading that, sor-'

Behind those beautiful doe eyes.. is a man so horny ..

Reeses Puffs

Considers 'ya'll' a worthy word to be written in all essays

Hates being hugged but loves giving hugs

Mystified by magic shows

Superhero media lover till he dies

Walks into random conversations already laughing then asks 'what's up :D!! What's funny! What are we talking about :D!!' After the people go silent bcs who tf is this

People think he's innocent from his humor but is actually very messy and lovesss listening to drama

Refers to his pets as his children

Doesn't know what a vacation is

Poo Dirt

' im not going to speak to you.. im just going to Stare at you. And hope. You are a telepath.'

Wants a bad gf but would fumble her so badly

Thinks beastmode is still a thing in 2024

Has like two friends in his phone. The rest of the texts are from his family

Quietly clingy

Scary looking bitch who is actually quite soft and enjoys watching a good episode of bluey after work

'Hey guys' *chat dies*

Doesn't know how to end conversations. Just kind of. Wanders off

Faggant

Having sex with himself would fix him

Doesn't know how to admit when he likes new things. Has to make fun of it first

Would move mountains for a goth bitch

Just Laughs and automatically agrees to things when he doesn't know wtf you're talking about

'Imma be honest... i stopped listening to what you had to say and started thinking about how quiet this restaurant got after that one noisy ass messy ass etiquette lacking ass family left 35 minutes ago, sorry'

Gets ice cream at crumbl cookie

Gets lost going to crumbl cookie

Doesn't want to say anything about that

Jdumb

Used to be that one kid who would immediately t-pose when he recognized his friend in the hallway

^ weird

His fashion and hair IS his emotional state right now

Haahahaa :]!! *face drops* im going to Kill you.

Attends the movie theater in full-out cosplay

'Milk does not belong in cereal'

^ sicko

[koukouture]

my artstyle is so inconsistent but anyways

this is Lucifer

(I'm still super proud of this one. I do have a full body ref of her but it's literally just the same robes as the other ancients)

So she's uh... yk what let's start with the easy stuff

She's Emet Selch and Hythlodaeus' senior and they've all known each other since they were kids. She's a performer and musician, back on Amaurot before she was Azem she was an actress at the local theatre. (which begs the question of why she was voted into the seat of Azem instead of Altima but we'll get to that)

And a little side note that I have not drawn yet but definitely will: she used a lot of illusion magic, especially in combat. It's just something to add a dramatic flair bc she's just extra like that. Also on her fighting style, she switches between different weapons. Like that's her gimmick- she's not quite as strong as Emet Selch and Venat, but she's flexible and that's out she eeks out a victory.

Emet Selch especially looked up to her a lot and emulates her in the MSQ quite a bit. His love of the arts mainly stems from her and his over the top and theatrical nature is also from her. He kinda copies her as a way of remembrance bc I do love me my angst.

Uh anyways, she is, in general terms, a sociopath. She is quite the narcissist and uses the acting skills she picked up growing up around the theatre to emulate regular emotions and behavior. Everything she does is sort of in service of appearing as someone normal and trustworthy, and her moral compass is largely determined by the people around her. In short, she's fake as fuck lmao.

I've already written an essay abt that side of her so yk what let's just condense it down: Lucifer took the seat of Azem to learn about emotions and yk sane person behavior. As Azem, she would travel around, helping people in an attempt to gain empathy. And it sort of works? No she can't be "fixed" but at the very least leading up to the Final Days, she understood the weight of it all and the value of life. That's why she left deserted the convocation, Hythlodaeus being sacrificed to Zodiark was her last straw.

She was voted in as Azem because of yeah, she's Venat's pupil, but she was also just generally restless and didn't quite belong with the rest of Ancient society. I wouldn't say that Ancient society devalued art because of the fact the seat of Altima exists, but artists are always sort of hard for other people to understand lmao. That's what Venat saw in her; someone who wasn't quite at home with everyone else.

If you asking what the convocation thinks of this, they definitely know something is wrong with her but they think whatever it is actually helps her perform her duty better. Listen, I personally believe that the convocation deals in shades of grey so I don't think they're above exploiting people's mental problems for the betterment of the star. At the very least, they're not above exploiting people in general bc why the hell is Elidibus so young.

Given all that I've said, she does genuinely care for Emet Selch and Hyth to some extent because they help her fit in. That sounds kinda mean and it is on some level, but they also act as her anchor. Venat too, Lucifer has big time mommy issues and Venat kind of filled that void.

As for how Emet Selch remembers her; he doesn't lmao. Surprise! The only version of her that exists in his memory is the idealized version of her and the act she put up around others. It's not that he's unaware of the rather exhaustive list of her problems, he just ignores them. He is the poster boy of "I can fix her" like it's really bad. He genuinely thinks that love can fix her.

Hyth is also in the "I can fix her" camp but in the slightly healthier vein of "You need therapy girlypop" because Hyth doesn't ignore people's problems and actively tries to help them unlike someone.

Anyways, yeah. My WoL kinda hates her lmao so it's an interesting push and pull between Emet and her who have very conflicting views of the same person.

To all of you who have an Azem/Ancient design for your WoL/FFXIV OC: I wish you a very can I see them and tell me their names/lore.

[courtney-deserved-better]

my opinion on td finalists

spoiler alert, im not a fan of most

TDI: Owen & Gwen

uh I personally don’t like either of these guys for finalists. gwen did do a lot but there were so many times where she just acted so apathetic I was like why?? are you still here?? and as for owen... I didnt like him as a character for a Long Time and he's growing on me but he just doesnt seem like finale material

I think a duncan versus leshawna finale would've been super fun to watch. especially if they teamed up to take down heather in the semifinal. those two had such a fun dynamic, especially in the triathlon episode, that I think taking it to the finale would've been fantastic. also leshawna deserved to win that season and you cannot change my mind

TDA: Duncan & Beth

duncan, while not my first choice, I can see making it through to the finale this season. but beth?? no. im sorry but shes just too much of a side character and is canonically fake nice and annoys everyone else so it doesn’t really make sense

an interesting finale would’ve been duncan versus courtney considering how volatile their relationship was this season. however, bc courtney was kinda awful to duncan, I dont think she deserves to win this season. it would be cool if there was one ending where their votes tied and they made up and decided to split the money but that just feels too tame, both for a finale and for their dynamic

harold versus duncan could be interesting, but because duncan tends to bully harold, I dont think his win would be fair in this situation. I think lindsay versus harold would be the best, as this season is about lindsay learning to take charge and come up with strategies, and while he can be off-putting and occasionally condescending, I think harold has a lot of useful skills that could really flourish in the finale

TDWT: Heather & Alejandro

while I dont ship them at all, I truly dont think there could've been a more satisfying final two. we’ve had their rivalry build up from day one, they have a ton of good songs together, it really completes heather’s arc of antagonist to antihero to protagonist. heather winning is the best ending in my mind, but I like  alejandro winning too. the only problem I have with his ending is that it only happened because heather threw in the wrong dummy-- I think it would’ve been more clever for him to have switched them or something like that

ive been thinking about some other final twos that I think would be interesting, though unable to top the canon one imo. gwen versus courtney would be really cool because of the friends turned enemies thing-- I think it would be interesting for courtney to be put in danger and gwen has a choice of saving her or going for the money and she save courtney before apologizing again (maybe dumping duncan) and the two make up and split the money. 

though I don’t really enjoy either as characters mostly due to their writing, cody and sierra would be an interesting final two. maybe cody finally stands up to sierra, or sierra struggles with wanting to be the winner of total drama or helping the boy she likes win. it definitely wouldn't be as good as the canon two but there would be a lot of clashing dynamics at play that'd be fun to explore

TDROTI: Lightning & Cameron

admittedly, I don’t remember too much from this season, but it really felt like these two kind of coasted by. I never found lightning to be a particularly compelling character and thought it weird how he suddenly went from dumb jock to evil jock in the last episode or two. cameron really felt like he was just carried through the season, similarly to beth, though I dont have as much as an issue with him winning. I dont think it was a bad finale, per se, I just think if those were the final two they should've been written better from the start

seeing as how jo really played the game and went all in, I think she would’ve been a great finalist. it would’ve been interesting to see her versus (commando?) zoey though im not the biggest zoey fan. I think a jo versus lightning finale could actually work (or brick) though if there was a jo versus cameron finale, I couldn't see him logically winning bc jo would just destroy him

TDAS: Mike & Zoey

*BIG FUCKING INHALE* no. just no. im probably not gonna say anything that’s not already been said so ill keep it short. bland, mal writing bad, have someone who's been in the game for 3 previous seasons instead of  1 make it to the ALL STARS FINALE. jfc.

you know what would’ve been an interesting finale? gwen versus courtney. they both said they wanted to reach the final two with the other one, so maybe they do! maybe they start to struggle with their friendship because of courtney’s competitive streak! maybe one of their helpers is duncan and that causes strife between them! maybe they become enemies again and don’t make up until the finale! maybe they decide to split the money! idk! it would've had a hell of a  lot more flavor than what we got

TDPI: Shawn & Sky

I don’t really have an issue with either of these characters making it to the finale. they’re compelling, worked hard, and have distinct goals. I would’ve liked to see jasmine in the finale but I'd be cool replacing either one with her: jasmine and shawn having to compete against one another would be an interesting relationship hurdle and sky versus jasmine would've been cool because they’re both very athletic and it would’ve been the first f vs f total drama finale (we've had m vs f and m vs m but no all-girl finales...)

TDRR: Surfer Dudes & Police Cadets

Again, I don’t really have an issue with this finale. I really like how Sanders and MacArthur both work hard in their own ways and have to learn how to work together (MacArthur breaking Sanders’ arm and realizing that she can negatively affect her partner and also that Sanders is super tough was a GREAT arc). I know there’s been some contention about the Surfer Dudes being eliminated and then coming back so late in the game, but it made sense to me. They chose to lose because they felt that they owed it to Devin and Carrie, and that choice paid off when Devin and Carrie called in a replacement team. I doubt the surfers expected that to happen, they were just trying to be fair, but that kindness was rewarded in a big way which I think was sweet, especially  considering how much of a hot mess this show can be. 

I gotta say, this does kinda remind me of the TDI finale, with the villain (heather/ice dancers) getting eliminated third, and their rival (gwen/police cadets) making it to the finale with the fun guy (owen/surfer dudes). The reason I like the Surfer Dudes as finalists more than Owen is that I felt they put in more effort during challenges and had more of an arc (with Josee’s mind games ending up bonding them as a team after strife, choosing to be eliminated for the sake of fairness, etc). 

Speaking of Owen, it’s kind of ironic that if I had to replace a team in the finale, I would replace the surfer dudes with the reality tv pros. they’re my favorite team and I think it wouldve been great for them to really live up to their name. I think it also would've been funny for the ice dancers to be so focused on their rivalry with the cadets that the pros just completely go under their radar until its the final three and the ice dancers are like “oh crap they’re PROS why haven't we been trying to destroy them??”

I also wouldn't mind replacing the surfer dudes with the sisters. I know emma gets a lot of hate (mostly because of nemma which I only like platonically) but I actually like her as a character (when she wasn’t being obsessive) and I think she and kitty were a great team that had a good arc of learning to work together. I also think it would be really interesting because for the final three they would all have rivalries with one another: the police cadets and the ice dancers (obvious) the ice dancers and the sisters (josee messed with them in at least 2 challenges) and the sister and the police cadets (kitty and macarthur’s game/road rage was hilarious)

[hylaversicolor]

i need to talk about arcane again because there is so much that bothers me about it but so much that i really love

this show is. a mess. i think it’s massively overrated and people are caught up in the nice art and moments of brilliance but when you take a step back from all that, there are so many glaring problems. this thing needed one more rewrite, or at least some trimming. plus a lot of the writing decisions make sense from a story standpoint while at the same time making absolutely no logistical sense. for example, caitlin and vi’s fallout happens not because there’s any more tension between them than there already was (how exactly did vi expect the appeal to the council to go???? lol), but because it’s the second to last episode and we need to get them separated. and a lot of these structure vs story decisions spawn so many little plotholes that watching the show as a whole is just an unbelievably frustrating experience

like how was vander able to keep the entire underground from raiding piltover when there’s SO much good stuff up there??? you’re telling me vi’s little stunt was the first time something like this happened??? and why did deckard confront vi and the others if his orders were to just follow them, what was his end goal there??? and then why did he drink the shimmer immediately after saying “no it’ll kill me”???? what exactly was silco’s plan when he captured vander??? for that matter, what was his plan before he found out vander was in trouble????? if he knew vander would give himself up for the kids why did he still lure the kids to the warehouse???? (i assume that’s what happened bc vi mentioned it was easy to break in.) was he just trying to get vander motivated enough that he would fight back and give topside a scare???? but then why kill him???? lol

and it doesn’t stop!!! why does marcus take vi from powder (at an incredibly convenient moment) and put her in jail despite him saying he’s gonna “bury” all of the underground?? he didn’t know her relationship to jinx and therefore silco so he couldn’t have known to use her as leverage right?? why does jinx’s kidnapping of silco in the final ep come down to her happening to overhear him and misunderstanding his intentions? (amazing scene btw) but most importantly what exactly was silco trying to do throughout acts 2 and 3??? he had no plans to nuke piltover, he had no idea the gemstone even existed until jinx gave it to him, and then a few episodes later it’s like “you must finish the weapon so we’ll have leverage” but then that’s rendered moot bc jayce reaches out on his own after his disastrous little attempt to play vigilante.

and why spend all this time building up the council needing to be actively swayed in various directions when they all decide to vote heimerdinger off a few eps later???? wasting my time. actually all of the council scenes are wasting my time, don’t subject me to “politics” without showing me how this shit actually works. actually i hate the way the piltover scenes are written in general, there’s almost a smugness to them, like the writers are grabbing you and saying “look at this amazing groundbreaking material, look at this symbolism, this is the most important and special story to ever exist” when the gist is basically just “politicians are corrupt and can be easily bought.” make me care

oh yeah but the worst is jayce and viktor both killing people who they and the audience have absolutely no emotional connection to. jayce happens to kill a kid we’ve never seen before, which isn’t necessarily a narrative problem, but if they’re going that route then couldn’t the kid have at least reminded him of caitlin? or of himself when he was a kid? like that kid didn’t need to die, it’s just a super contrived way for jayce to realize he’s gone too far. (actually revisiting this couldn’t jayce have realized that the gauntlets he designed to make “mining the fissures easier” were actually just expediting the exploitation of even more child workers)

and same with viktor, like he was alone in the lab, it was after hours, he’s a desperate and dying man trying essentially an experimental treatment and yet the writers are trying to build up this “wooooo he’s doing illegal drugs and becoming less human” without actually doing any difficult character work. like!!! why!!! morally complex characters are much more interesting than characters who are written to be “likeable” like i think viktor is (and maybe jayce too, though i think they made him bland rather than outright making him a conniving asshole like they should have). like viktor killing the assistant by accident is contrived and stupid but they could have at least made it explicitly his fault for pushing her too far, e.g. maybe she’s physically helping him with an experiment and he forces her to do something and that’s why she disintegrates??? but we can’t have that bc viktor has to be a dying woobie and god forbid we make him even remotely ambiguous with his intentions

and nothing pisses me off more than “in the pursuit of greatness we failed to do good” or whatever the line was. THATS SO FUCKING DEEP BRO, you get the feeling that they just REALLY wanted to keep that line in even tho it’s so melodramatic and cringey and they DIDN’T do the complex character work they should have in order to make that line actually mean anything.

anyway that’s the thing that really kills the piltover scenes for me, there is absolutely no narrative subtlety and it feels like the writers are hitting you with a hammer saying LOOK how CLEVER we are. lots of style over substance

but all that being said this show has some of the highest highs i’ve ever seen. silco’s arc is S tier villainy. i didn’t expect to like him or jinx when i first started, but they’ve become my favorite characters. in a way this season was silco’s story even more than it was jinx’s: he is the one character who has a complete arc, which is foreshadowed in the literal first scene when vander picks up the two girls and sets down his gauntlets. SO GOOD. i almost wonder if one writer handled the silco and jinx stuff while a completely different writer handled the piltover stuff because the difference in subtlety (and i think overall success) is genuinely amazing to me. there is a really good, slightly shorter story in this mess, but i feel like the writers were too attached to the story to admit that it needed trimming.

anyway i think the art is nice to look at and the music is good. however the one thing i think that really sums up arcane for me is the super stylish and cool intro set to a fucking imagine dragons song. like there’s some great stuff here but at the end of the day it’s league of legends, you know??? still gonna watch it tho. still gonna watch it

[esoclectic]

as a rural queer & leftist I agree, but I have some opinions.

I'm still not out in my hometown. because if one person knows, everyone knows, and I can't trust everyone. I know I can't trust everyone

because I lived through the 2017 marriage equality debacle.

because the one friend I know who is out has been sexually harassed, bullied in school and the workplace and online, has been put through hell so many times I don't know how he keeps clawing his way back out.

because everyday friends/family/neighbours throw racist queerphobic sexist bigoted language around so casually.

because my parents refuse to cut out people who would happily see me hurt/killed/burning in hell so I'm just expected not to mention it. because I'm argumentative if I do.

because I'm overreacting if my father and his friend think it's hilarious to toss around "pansy" to try and get a rise out of me and it works.

because I'm unreasonable if it hurts.

because the conservative parties here sell themselves as "pulled up by our bootstraps" farmer types and they're not but advertising is effective and the left wing parties are dominated by inner city candidates and inner city votes and don't do outreach/don't care about the ignorant bogans/have already written us off.

the way we get rid of this stereotype has to be through outreach. has to be by making it normal/expected/correct that you support queer rights bipoc rights women's rights disabled rights everyone's rights. has to be through education (because education in rural areas is consistently underfunded/undervalued/difficult to get/difficult to succeed in).

we can't just get rid of the stereotype and call it a day.

we can't just say rural areas are safe now.

bc right now a lot of rural areas aren't safe. I don't want to come on here and tell y'all to go be yourself in rural areas and guarantee you'll be safe because you won't.

sure, there are less people who want to hurt me in my hometown, but that's because it's got 40k people to Sydney's 5.3 million. there are less people who want to hurt me, but there's also less who want to help me.

when you're in a rural area, alone/isolated/out of reach, you are an easy target. and I hate to say it, but you're more likely to find someone who'll hurt you than someone who'll help. people find it much easier to call you a slur than to fight with their neighbour for doing so.

so yes. absolutely get rid of this stereotype.

because it allows rural conservatives to think they're expected/normal/right.

because it allows urban conservatives to think they're better/more educated/more reasonable.

but we have to actually make the stereotype untrue before we can get rid of it.

on a lighter note, absolutely make fun of trad wife nazis. even rural conservatives make fun of trad wife nazis. they haven't so much as looked at a sheep let alone worked them. our rams would eat them alive.

You know what? Destroy the "people in rural areas are all ignorant conservatives" stereotype and start mocking the "trad"/anti-feminist/neonazi people that are obsessed with rural areas despite having never been to one

[btssavedmylifeblr]

I forgot to send on my voting story. Ok so my brother and I both got mail in ballots, and let me tell you how we both forgot to mail it in so we just thought to bring them to our voting location. The lady there kinda yelled at us? She was confused and didn't know how to go about it. And honestly I just took it because we were the idiots who didn't mail in our ballots. We had to rip them up and they just us new ones to fill out in person and submit. Not exciting, but a story for void snippet. 👀

Anonymous said: Hi!! I'm so excited for void! I voted today around 30 minutes before the polls closed in my neighborhood because I had to wait for my dad and brother to get home from work since they wanted to go all together hehe. It was a pretty fast process! We just pressed buttons on screens (compared to last election where we had to bubble in everything by hand) plus, I got to keep the stylus that they gave us and it works on phones too! 🥰🥰 Thank you! I love your writing so much 💜💜💜

Anonymous said: I did mine through mail me and my husband did and we went to the post office a little while back and then he took us on a nice little date afterward and we got ice cream! Also I love void💖 keep up the good work

Anonymous said: VOTES FOR VOID??? I love democracy and I love VOID! So since May I've (temporarily) moved back home from New York to Indiana RE: covid; I've voted absentee for the both the primaries and presidential election (I'm still in IN rn...blah). I voted early and mailed in my ballot for the presidential election (about 3 weeks ago). Made sure my family was voting (brother mailed it in, mom dropped off a ballot, and dad did early voting) and encourage them to put up a Biden sign in our yard <3

Anonymous said: HI BEE! I ALSO VOTED TODAY! IM 21 SO THIS IS MY FIRST TIME VOTING FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION (my 18th bday didnt make the cutoff since im a december bday) im so happy to have done my part! I made sure to study up on the judges and policies and everything! Luckily the polling place didn't have a line so i was able to get in, get my ballot, and fill it in right away! I even dragged my mom and cousin to come with me. I made a joke on snapchat to encourage my friends to vote too. It was a pic of my "i voted" sticker with a caption saying "omg youre so sexy when you vote aHaha" -🦙

Anonymous said: this is my first time doing this so, so i hope i’m sending this correctly! i voted early in late september by mail! i live in a swing state, so it’s really important for me to vote and not waste time!! bc of my age, this is my first time voting so i’m really nervous 😅

Anonymous said: I voted by email! I'm overseas so I wasn't sure if my ballot would actually make it through in time, so I decided to go electronically. Had to sign a waiver saying I understand that my vote won't be anonymous but I haven't been given a reason to suspect voter suppression/fraud in my state, so I'm happy I think...!

Anonymous said: hi, i voted early on oct 24th. my absentee ballot didn't come in, so i had to travel back home to vote (~3 hour drive). when we got there, there was a ton of people outside the polling place, but no lines, so i was in and out pretty quick. it was my first time voting, so i had all the candidates i was voting for written down on a tiny receipt so i wouldn't forget 😅. my mom was with me, so she voted too. took a pic with my sticker (mask on for extra covid-ness) and went home. drove back the next afternoon!

whippedforkook said: Hi Bee. 💕 I voted in early October - nearly a month ago! 😱 It’s been really weird with all the lead up to the election because it felt like it should have been done once I cast my ballot! A lot of my friends have volunteered to get out the vote: writing postcards to voters, texting, phone banking, working the polls, curing ballots. I didn’t volunteer at all this year, but I hope that all of my friends’ hard work and everyone else’s is enough. I’m also hoping and praying that I will be in a better place mentally for 2022 so that I too can volunteer. Our work starts with 2020 not ends. 💕 Wishing you well. 💕

begineuphoria said: I went and voted last Friday as it was our last early voting day. No way was I going to wait until today with the crowds of people in my area that still act as if masks are somehow infringing on their rights. 🙄 It was a rather normal experience for the most part. Other than having to use a coffee stir stick to press the buttons on the machine to vote. In and out within five minutes.

Anonymous said: I voted down the street at this pretty park this morning. I got up at 5:30 and it was freezing. Luckily I wore like 30 layers and stood outside for 2 hours. Some nasty orange man supporters were rude but everyone else was pretty nice. A really cute older couple was playing soccer with pine cones and kicked it towards me to play too. Not the worst time tbh.

Anonymous said: Did mail-in voting in California! Extremely exhausting and took forever to research all the propositions - they are notoriously tricky in hiding their flaws and one side tends to outrageously outspend the other. But in the end I felt really good about my research and decisions! No need for you to post a snippet for this story - would like to save that to read sometime in the future ;) Thank you so much for doing this!

joonsgotthejuice said: Votes for void??? I am here! I went last Thursday and it was chaotic bc I kept going past the poll place but the line was soooo long so my mom called me and woke me up like "its pouring rain and the line is super short get up I'm gonna pick you up" so thats the story of how I got dressed in 5 minutes and dragged my ass to vote in the rain <3

Anonymous said: i voted early on thursday it was cold and rainy but i went in the late afternoon and thankfully the only waiting i did was a few minutes for an elevator i got very lucky and while waiting for the results is awful the relief that came from voting in general was just great

Anonymous said: Wheeew the polls just closed and I finally got to cast my ballot yayyy ( I was the one working the polls from earlier) it’s been a really really long day and we actually had surprisingly good turnout. I saw a woman try to vote for someone else who claimed to be “helping” and I saw a woman who I’m pretty sure was on some typa something 👀 Overall though I really I’m really thankful for people like you who encouraged people to get out and vote. I hope the odds are in our favor❤️🤞🏼

chelsea-chee said: Hello Bee! Today surprisingly my elderly father wanted to vote so I brought him out with me. He only cared about voting for Biden, which meant I got to help decide who he should vote for with the rest of the candidates and amendments! Say hello to baby bee for me as well! 💖

Anonymous said: Okay I gonna got a chance to vote today and the process wasn’t that bad actually. I went in just now and it wasn’t that busy( thankfully) so no lines. I’m from Texas and it’s gonna be almost impossible to turn this state blue, but every vote counts! I love that you are getting people to vote and also sharing your experiences as well!

owl-orgy said: Dropped off my mail in ballot at a polling location! I originally wanted to vote early in person because I was worried my signature wouldn’t match closely enough but ended up just turning it in and double checked today to make it said “ballot accepted and counted”!

Anonymous said: I voted in person this afternoon, better late than never I guess. I was gonna go last week but then I got cramps from hell. There was no one in line in front of me, I think my county early voted because it was packed everyday the last few weeks

Anonymous said: I voted early a couple weeks ago. Exciting thing though that did happen was I got both my parents to vote for their first time ever.

Anonymous said: I had a mail in vote. So, I filled it out and dropped it in at the ballot box at my library. (I also checked out books for the first time in years, so I had fun!)

bubblyjiminnie said: I literally just finished voting. Lucky for me, the line and wait wasn’t very long, and it was a nice enough day that the short amount of time I had to spend in line outside of the building wasn’t too bad. My social anxiety when it comes to stuff like this tends to be high but that’s what I get for waiting until Election Day instead of going the mail in route. This was only my second time voting, but I’m glad that I did 😊

Anonymous said: I turned my ballot in last week :) I’m not a big fan of crowds and I hate make spur of the moment choices but despite that the first time I was able to vote back in 08 my Mom pressured me into voting in person because “you’d have to experience it at least once in our life”. And ever since then I comfortably vote by mail. I take my time, do all of my research, listen to music, and best of all don’t have to deal with people.

Anonymous said: here in Washington state it’s super easy to vote. I dropped my ballot off in mid-October and it’s already been accounted for! Mail in voting and drop box voting is fantastic and provides equal opportunity and access. Sad to see some people in red states misinforming Americans about it! We also have a referendum for implementing mandatory sex ed, including teaching respect, empathy and consent as part of the curriculum so I was happy to vote yes on that too!

unionrox006 said: I voted about 2 weeks ago by doing a mail in ballot. The other eligible to vote members of my household did the same. We chose to vote by absentee ballot because both my mom and I have an autoimmune disorder, so we have to be careful going out in the pandemic. Tbh, the ballot layout was a bit confusing at first as was all the paperwork and required IDs and documents. But my dad explained it to me and we got them filled out and mailed off. Kinda mad I didn't get a sticker for it though

bluetostone said: Love this and so excited for the next chp of void! I early voted a few weeks ago and because I live in a pretty rural county I was in and out of my polling place in a few minutes. No sticker though 😢. I live in a swing state so it could go either way in terms of delegates. Just praying everyone is safe tonight as the results roll in...though, won't we not know for sure for a couple of days or weeks?

Anonymous said: My mom, sister, and I received our early voting ballots a while ago and I took the longest to fill mine out because it was making me anxious :,( but I did return it before it was due. I checked our ballot statuses and mine and my moms were accepted but my sister’s said they hadn’t received hers back. Then she got another ballot so she filled that one out too and I took it yesterday 👍👍 I think she got two because she changed her address late so they sent two?

vixsynsblog said: Non-interesting voter story: I'm paranoid and live in a highly divided area, so I filed mail-in ASAP, mailed it a few days after cause neighbors are nosy and don't understand boundaries. Was able to track my ballot through my credit company, which was nice. Only thing I was missing was my sticker. Never got one✊😔. So I had to improvise and write it in pen on my disposable mask. I'm working all this week so if riots break out from either side, I'll be at work. Prayers for the safety of others🙏

______

Waaah!!! Thank you all for voting!! You are all my heroes. I am so grateful and proud of you. I’m sorry I ran out of time to respond to you individually. I’m going to drop two big scenes from Chapter 7 in gratitude (one of which will be familiar to my patrons and one won’t). I’m hopeful I will have the whole next chapter out very soon. Love you all!

Void spoilers below the cut.

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think they were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps just by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal. 

There is a calendar reminder waiting for you: Today is chili pepper pollinating day. At least this gives you an excuse to talk to Hoseok. 

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee up against his chest. Hoseok doesn’t look well. He’s got dark circles under his eyes.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…“You don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed. “Um, was I? Yeah.. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor. 

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t. “I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit to rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.” 

You should disgaree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him. 

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if they didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Your chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it. 

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The intital set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant in the line.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than just enjoying the chili peppers, you must admit that this was one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands peridically. Always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Um, yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off my Hoseok’s derisive snort. 

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, just go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.” 

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.” 

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone of us ever treating you that way. And now you just want all of us to… to… use you like that?”  He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan! I’m in charge!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.”

______

Taehyung finds you in the gym. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling. 

“Hey, so I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.” He fishes awkwardly into his pockets and pulls out his tablet.  Maybe Jimin was right. Is Taehyung going to be the first to take you up on your offer?

You pause your jog on the elliptical machine. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man with those strong eyebrows and that perfect skin. 

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower. 

Taehyung has really nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigating the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It just adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest. 

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing that Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he just going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know its a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now. 

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.” 

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

That surprises Taehyung. He puts down the tablet. “What? Why would he want that?”

This is awkward. “He, um, thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is just as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us…”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

If Taehyung isn’t jealous of Jimin... 

“Taehyung…” He looks up, biting his lip. “What did you mean? Who are you jealous of?” 

Taehyung’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he reaches for his microphone and mutes it. Out of respect, you mute yours as well. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit. 

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter.  But he’s already stripping out of his shirt. The musculature of his back ripples. He hangs the shirt off of the camera to block the rest of the room from view. 

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” His chest is just as attractive as his back and you flush at the sight of it. Mercifully, he zips back into his jumpsuit as he returns to his position in front of the exercise machine. 

“You want them to think we’re having sex?”

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole save the mission with bonobo sex plan.”

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

“You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve just ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.”  There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years. 

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile. 

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us really knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…” 

Your mind flashes back to that moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

“But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really do love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels like that about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.”  You wonder if maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings. 

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…” 

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”  

Taehyung bites his lip. He can’t really argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “He wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You know you could have that with any man on this ship right?”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

The two of you both slump backwards in your seats, mulling over your shared woes.  Taehyung bends down and picks up the tablet again. “So what should I do with this?”

“Obivously, you don’t have to sign it. I should have realized that not everyone would be interested.”

“Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?”

“Yeah…”

“Is it okay if we let him think that for now? At least until I figure out how to tell him the truth?”

“Okay.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. Your phone lights up with a message. “Thank you,” he murmurs before he leaves. 

[teedeenobody]

Trent/Eva friendship hcs

Trent has been in therapy for his OCD since he was like 13

He was kind of shy and emo all his childhood/middle school

And struggling with mental illness definitely made him push people away even more bc he thinks they won’t accept him

His grandfather died and his parents divorced in the same year a few years before, and since then he had been on a steep spiral

He’s closer to his mom and lives with her most of the time, and she finally got him into counseling for grief, depression, and of course OCD when he’s 13 because she realized he needed it (he’d already had ocd before but those traumatic events exacerbated his symptoms)

He doesn’t really respond to any of it, he’s uninterested and actively against therapy and doesn’t think he can be helped

But then he’s introduced to art/music therapy because his therapist thinks it may be helpful especially for him

He immediately feels like “this is what I’ve been missing”

Originally he just was doing music/learning guitar to get his therapist off his back but he realized he really enjoyed it and it made him feel better in a way he’d never considered it could and it was a healthy coping mechanism

He finally has something to be passionate about

He starts opening up at school and making friends

He doesn’t seek to be cool, but his personality and being more confident and secure with himself attract other people to like him

He’s having a good time

He still likes emo music and aesthetic, but it no longer has to go hand in hand with a self-destructive mentality

His dad and stepdad are kinda strict and anti-art

They’re a lawyer and an accountant who met at work after his parents’ divorce

His biological dad (the accountant) wants Trent to be one too and not be distracted by music and other non-profitable skills

But they see how much music means to him so they eventually come around to it

THIS BRINGS US TO TOTAL DRAMA:

Eva has never gotten any sort of help for her anger issues

She’s a first generation Russian immigrant and she’s been in the spotlight since she was little, which has taken a toll on her

She hates doing movie stunts, she just wants to do sports without having to manage fame and sleazy paparazzi

She’s been written off as “just like that” by her parents

But she recognizes that she needs to control her temper, but she cant do it on her own

She wants to win total drama because that money can help her get treatment and she doesn’t see any other way because her parents are in charge of her finances and legally own all the money she got as a child star

She is so mad when she is voted off so early, but she knows she has to work on herself

But she has no coping skills

Trent comes to playa de losers bummed but overall okay with the experience because he knows he can make things right with Gwen

He sees how Eva is and how she seems miserable over the days he’s there

He goes up to talk to her because he’s a nice person

She is standoffish at first and doesn’t want anything to do with him

So he backs off

But eventually she is like “yeah I’m very alone I need to talk to someone” so she does and she confides in Trent

He talks about how he has gone through similar experiences with mental illness and feeling alone

They bond over this

They become friends

Trent shows Eva music because it helped him through a lot and teaches her how to play guitar like he can

She is surprisingly good at it and she’s a very fast learner

She has always liked physical expressions of emotion but this one is constructive instead of destructive

She uses music to learn how to channel her anger

Eventually she also starts using physicality/exercise as constructive and healthy coping mechanisms too with the same skills that Trent taught her to use music in that way

Her other skill, strength, is something that she has had commercialized and publicized from a young age in movie stunts. Music becomes something that is just for her, something she doesn’t have to share and she can just appreciate and do for fun without pressure

She and Trent are good friends and they have deep conversations about anything and everything

Eventually Eva admits to him her crush on Izzy

He’s like “I have an idea” and he helps her write a meaningful song to show her how she feels

She performs it for Izzy and thanks Trent for helping her find confidence outside of the spotlight

The end :) this is all canon they just didn’t show it in total drama bc it was cut for time don’t fact check this just trust me on this one

[weirdagnes]

💄RUDOLF’S DRAG RACE AU 🏁

ALRIGHT SO this AU originally started in our Yeah We Outlasting discord server, artists started drawing the characters in drag and I WOKE HMSHD real shit man. So I'm making a masterpost for drag au on behalf of the server✊✊

Outlast 1 = Season 1

Outlast 2 = Season 2

Whistleblower DLC = All Stars

All of the characters and ideas for the characters were written in collab with @gothivican, @panopt1c0n, @grahaam and the rest of the lads in the server, y’all have such beautiful brains. So anyways.

Here are the judges:

Rudolf Wernicke. Lowkey bias, literally goes to the backstage and tells Miles to beat Billy Hope in a lipsync because Billy can't continue on the show for some reason. Has favoritism towards Blaire, but was forced to sashay him away by the other two judges. Also this bitch is dying, literally has a breathing tank support behind his chair.

Pauline Glick. A very sharp critic. Wore the same shoes? Call out. Oh that's your signature makeup? UGLY tone it down. Sorry, the colors don't match, you'll be in the bottom two for that.

Paul Marion. The kindest judge. He will give constructive criticism in the nicest non-offensive way possible and compliment them after (because he would feel guilty about it).

Alice as guest star. Supportive as f u c k, huge fan, she cries when meeting the queens in Untucked. She can't help complimenting the queens every 10 seconds, she gives off the Leslie Jones’ enthusiasm.

Lisa Park as guest star. Like Alice, very supportive. She’s an artist, and will break down all the reasons why they are so good from an artist’s perspective. Crushes HARD on Wyssle Blower, she might’ve given her number after the show.

Lynn Langermann as guest star. She’s a judge, and she will judge. Gives out well constructed criticisms to all queens fair and square until she saw Angel Fromm (Blake) and just says “Wow what’s there to criticize?” Sallyzekiel hates her, Valentina and Angel on the other hand loves her very much.

 Here are the queens:

Miles Upshur as Kill-O-Meter. Primarily an insult comedy and rocker queen, and specializes in dancing. She tends to be criticized for a lack of glamour on some of her main stage looks, and is one of the most dramatic, sarcastic and shady queens of the bunch. Can and will stomp on you in latex boots for money. Besties with Wyssle and Chrisel, gets into a little heated talks with (occasionally) Peacock, (frequently) Ricky and Remy. She adores Cheets’ (Pyro) makeup skills. Winner of season 1 babey!!

Chris Walker as Piggy Chrisel. A punk/grunge queen who seems to specialize moreso in dancing and lip syncing. She's a shy, gentle giant, has a little trouble speaking coherently and it affects her in the acting/impromptu comedy challenges. She will call out whores though, she will kick ass when the situation calls for it. Really good at makeup, makeup girl-friends with Cheeto and besties with Kill O Meter (Latrila vibes). Also a perfectionist and hates mess on her work table.

Rick Trager as Ricky Trix. Whore, that's all. This bitch OBNOXIOUS and shady but she's both a glamour AND comedy queen, the other queens are watching out for her since day one. Horror and '80s inspired queen, extremely good at comedy and acting and will literally stomp the competition with nearly perfect impressions and extremely expressive acting. The downfall for her seems to be glam on the occasion and singing. Rivals with Kill O Meter and Miss Tini, kikis with Remy (they throw shade to other queens the moment they get em)

Father Martin as Miss Tini. The oldest queen but she can still serve the cakes. Generally a kind person, coming from a religious background. She’s takes the drag culture religiously. She gets along with The Twinks.

The Twins as The Twinks. Was recruited as two totally separate queens, but both quit on the first episode when one of the twins were to be eliminated. The queens tell the Twinks apart by who’s bald and who’s not. They don’t vibe with other queens except Miss Tini.

Pyromaniac as Cheeto de LaFlammeo. Queen of Makeup, she has some serious skill range on it. Good in the acting department, always plays as the tragic character. Was rivals with Kill-O Meter before, but one time when she had a breakdown, Kill-O Meter was by her side when no one was. After that, they respected each other.

Billy Hope as Billy Willy. CLOWN QUEEN, huge Crystal Methyd vibes. She’s the youngest queen, very energetic, a ball of SUNSHINE but Wernicke was a bias bitch and sent her home immediately the moment she was in the bottom. She was basically Kill-O Meter and Wyssle Blower's drag child. Hailed as Miss Congeniality, is voted by majority to return for a season 2 for going home a little too early than people feel was deserved. Best at makeup and outfits, her mom Tiffany taught her to sew and make dresses out of rags and other unconventional materials and the skill proved to be helpful. Also she likes puns and everyone likes playing with her name like: Silly Billy Willy, Witty Billy Willy, etc.

....

Waylon Park as Wyssle Blower. The Mom of the queens, the most well rounded queen, and the most 'fishy' one. Probably the smartest and most humble one out of everyone, she can read through people’s bullshit well. Genuinely looks like a girl in full drag, but always does her best on acting. She's serving you a cute, nerdy and quirky style, but can serve horror when need be. Always wins the mini challenges, she's not as loud as the other girls but she does beat Blaire in a lip sync (lowkey badass lipsyncer). Winner of All Stars babey

Jeremy Blaire as Remy Coco Ainée. Pretentious fake ass queen, even her drag name is just Cocaine in fake French. A pure fashion glamour queen, she serves it at almost all the fashion challenges but there's no more personality out of her other than that and her shady attitude (she will not hold back on the shade). Is extremely horrible at singing (her voice cracks) and acting, goes home against a lip sync with Wyssle. This bitch will FLEX her wins. Kikis with Ricky, mainly rivals with Kill O Meter, Wyssle and Peacock but she made everyone her rivals bc of her bitchass attitude.

Eddie Gluskin as Edna Taylor. Fashion queen, specializes in sewing, acting and singing, but is extremely lacking in the dancing department. Has a one-sided endearment for Waylon, and consistently tries to have her attention. Is extremely manipulative too, trying to consistently trip the other queens up. Also everybody hates her mohawk signature wig but nobody says anything about it because they don’t want to be victim to Edna’s mind games.

Frank Manera as Hanni Canni Bahl. Horror queen, best at comedy and dancing. Though it is prohibited, she’s able to sneak in weed, coke (for Ricky) and snacks in the werk room. Very messy when working, her discarded fabrics are EVERYWHERE and Chrisel is fighting the urge to clean it up. She eats while working when the camera’s off, and it stains the dress she’s working on (Pauline notices it).

Dennis as Denise. Mocked as “Edna’s little helper” as she always helps with her dresses. She’s trying too hard to impress Edna, and helps her get Wyssle’s attention. Very talented in acting and sewing, but bland in fashion, lacking in concept. Her inner conflict is what got her eliminated.

Simon Peacock as Julie Peacock. Rebellious, mischievous, and an ex-glam queen gone horror and campy instead. After being insulted much by glam queens (ahemRemyahem), she just embraced it and became a horror queen, serving the judges her horror aesthetic. Best at comedy, lacks extremely on acting and dancing though. No one is safe from her constructive criticism, and she will never stop ranting to Kill O Meter and Wyssle about Remy and Ricky being bad bitches and favored by Wernicke, she thinks it's unfair.

....

Blake Langermann as Angel Fromm. Singing queen!! Good at singing, but otherwise is moreso well-rounded, she might've been eliminated earlier, hadn't it been for her also low-key successful and iconic lip syncs. But the lucky winning streak didn't last forever, she goes home later in the season because she's slowly falling behind the other queens and can't keep up anymore. Has Rococo aesthetic, unfortunately the outfits can't make up for the lack of character as a queen. Though she needs a lot of improvement, the guest star Lynn adores her very much.

Val as Valentina. Queen of SEX or moreso impersonations and comedy. She’s a terrible tailor, but likes unconventional and simple fashion designs. She’s trans and lowkey Pauline has a crush on her the moment she walked on that stage. Pure rivals with Sallyzekiel, you know that iconic Aja vs. Valentina in Untucked? They had that moment. Probably goes home earlier, not entirely prepared, but still was a season icon. Definitely dropped it low about 10 times on her lip sync.

Marta as ImMartal. GOTH QUEEN, survived about early mid season. Best at her makeup and looks, glam queen, but the judges criticize her for wearing the same wigs/having the same hairstyle for almost every looks.

Nick Tremblay as Nicky Lanterns. Another gentle giant. Very introverted, she has a difficult time socializing with other girls because she’s generally not a very loud person. Really bad at makeup, her fashion sense is somewhat okay but it’s always on the ‘safe’ level. Pretty good at slapstick comedy, writing and concepts tho. It’s a wonder how Nicky and Lard Imp became “friends,” they’re complete opposites.

Laird Byron as Lard Imp. Whore, Exhibit B. Extremely rude, louder than Remy and Ricky themselves, and has a weird love/hate obsession with Angel for some reason. Everyone hates her, even Rudolf himself, and Lard Imp isn’t her original drag name but ultimately they came to a point where they just called her Lard Imp. Constantly denies the judges’ and the queens’ critiques, very delusional about winning the season and that’s why she’s the first one eliminated.

Sullivan Knoth as Sallyzekiel. The Big Bad Bitch of the season. Ultimate rivals with Valentina, constantly bullies Angel. Marta used to be friends with her, but after talking shit on Valentina, she says fuck you and defended Val. Glam queen, has an affinity for shoes but damn girl terrible makeup and padding. Really good with speech, acting and impromptu.

So far, here are the character designs we have made!

(1) Blake and Trager by @/pan0pt1con

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5) Waylon, Chris, Simon, Eddie, Miles and Jeremy by @/gothivican

(1) Billy, Miles, Chris, Wernicke, Pauline, Paul and Alice by @/weirdagnes

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[dashielldeveron]

Viper VIII: Inter Vivos

*author slaps bumper sticker across ass that reads I BREAK FOR QUARANTINE* 

Summary: You have a thought that only Steve Urkel and black-out drunks can have: did I do that?

Warnings: swears, the law. Murder/death. Stupid internet comments.

Show (3719) Comments on “There is Nothing New Under the Sun, But You Are New in Your Conglomeration.”

skellingtonbabey: thanks for putting all of the *gestures vaguely* into historical context. no one’s ever bothered to explain this shit to me, especially in such simple and thorough language. it’s like every other resource i try to learn from is stylistically designed to make me more confused.

readyplayer69: Just because it’s from the 60s and is racist doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have intrinsic value based on the goal towards which it was working. You’re a fucking lunatic. I have a degree in political science, so I know what the fuck I’m about. Though some of the protests may have excluded the minorities you’re talking about, it doesn’t mean that they weren’t ultimately working towards good fucking policies for everyone involved. It’s not like they were doing anything important then anyway; white people had to be the mouthpiece for…Read More

volcanolesbian: bro have u seen the incels freaking out over this???? it got linked in their cursed forum and they SO BADLY wanted u 2 hate women now. like you can regress from being a feminist once you’ve woken up. they’re giving u shit bc you called out the racist terrorists who were active in their community lmao. i can post screenshots if u want. But bruv it’s like they haven’t read anything you’ve written before lol

mozARTsexandviolins: I get when you say that ingenuity spawns ideals for the greater good, but don’t you think tradition has its place? How do we know if the new can spawn the greater good? How do we judge ourselves? Who watches the watchers?

simpleplan2eatthedirt: cool cool nice nice.  protesting is awesome, but be sure to get out there to fucking VOTE, people!!! Here’s a link to register to vote.

EaterJohn: Hello. It is nice to hear from you again, Epiales. Always a treat. Very insightful commentary on modern and past protests. I didn’t know about all of the revolutions in Europe 1848. I’ve send this to my co, and it’s already sparked a good conversation about who we are as a protesting people as we stand in history. Again, sorry to bother you, but I was wondering when the next article in your “Aeneid Autopsies: Current Crimes Reflected in Ancient Times” series was going to be released? It’s my…Read More

horneyvulcanbasterd: @mozARTsexandviolins Is that a Star Trek reference? Bc if so the answer’s Starfleet Command lol

MrsKatsukiBakagou: epiales. you have watered my crops and harvested my fields. thank you for the food.

mightiestavengereatmyass: eat shit and die, commie scum. your just a hired propagandaist for the fucking alt-left, aren’t you? You have no right to be running your collum in a real newspaper or on this fucking website. sending u anthrax in the mail would be too cool a death for you. I hope your so-called terrorist groupsfind out where you live and fucking murder you in the middle of the night. fukcs like you are the reason the country is going to shit the police have a total constitutional right int aht jurisdiction to enter. They had a no knock…Read More

fuckyouit’sjanuary: @readyplayer69 [image attached] [image description: blonde woman with caption reading, “I can tolerate racism, but I draw the line at looting the local target]

saltnpepa!!diner707: Hi. I’m trying to cite this piece in an essay, but your publisher isn’t listed on your website. Would you suggest using the NYT as the source in my bib? If it helps, this is due new week; idk if this will run in the NYT by then. Thanks

“I’m sending someone on a grocery run this morning,” said Tom, thumbs tapping away on his phone, “Do you need anything? Want anything?”

You glanced up from your laptop, closing it as much as you could without the light dimming. “I think I’m good, unless you used the last of the shredded cheese at some point.”

“Shredded…cheese,” he said under his breath, typing, “You mentioned capri-suns the other day.”

“Yeah, but I can tolerate the nasty, new flavour. No rush. Here’s a wild idea,” you said, and you waited until he looked up from his phone, a couple of ungelled curls falling over his forehead. “What if—now, don’t dismiss me as crazy; hear me out—what if we went to the store ourselves?”

“Again, no.” Tom grasping his coffee by the round of the mug, despite there being a perfectly functional handle. “Stop pressing me for it.”

“I’m not asking to go to a damn Broadway play. I’m asking to go to the closest 7-11,” you said, jiggling your leg and then making a conscious decision to stop fidgeting, instead scooting your chair closer under the table so that the arms slid underneath.

Tom hummed, his eyes not leaving his phone screen, but when you didn’t continue, he raised an eyebrow as he scowled at you. “Broadway is shut down because of the bomb threat.”

“Fuck off; you know what I meant.”

“Viper,” said Tom, and he locked his phone to set it on his napkin. “Do you want to get assassinated?”

“The term assassination implies I’m getting murdered for political reasons instead of the copious other crimes you’ve had me commit. So, I invite it.” Put your hands on the table where he can see them; it makes you seem more trustworthy. “Does 7-11 have an open carry policy?”

“If it’s any consolation, the renovated office should be waiting for you when you return.”

“It’s not.” You lifted your mug to your lips. “Working from here only makes me feel like a damn bureaucrat. Like I have no stake in the matter. I don’t want to become detached from everything; I might make a callous decision and send people where they can’t come back.”

“Keep watching yourself. If you stay on guard,” said Tom, running his middle finger around the rim of his mug, “then you won’t stray from me.”

“I’m useless here.”

“Then maybe you should become accustomed to the idea of being useless.”

Swallowing, you stared down into your tea. “There’s only so much I can get done through answering emails. Not to mention I hate answering emails. That’s how you get more emails.”

“Harrison has been telling me that your schematics have been more thorough since you’ve been holed up in here.” Tom tipped his mug all the way back to get the last of his coffee. “You’re still being just as productive, if not more methodical.”

“Did you mean obsessive? I have—I’ve had too much time to think. I’d rather not be alone with my thoughts, if I can help it.”

***

You could only read so much before losing your mind. You could only deal with so many of the same exact problems over and over again for lower level soldiers. You could only chart so many stars. You could only read so much fanfiction (if your identity thief were tracking your phone, he’d probably be baffled as to why you kept reading fic for fandoms you weren’t even a part of due to the desire for new ideas).

You could only give Glory Pham so many excuses as to why you’re not with her in person at the Museum of Natural History.

Sucking in through your teeth, you hovered your fingers above the keyboard.

Dear Ms. Pham,

Glad to hear John Mulaney’s signed on. Next step would be to ensure de Blasio doesn’t directly interact with him, given their history. Perhaps I should proof his set beforehand?

Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that I cannot attend the briefing in person yet again. I am currently indisposed, seeing as I am currently in hiding at my hot boss’s house, due to how dead I might be should I leave it (thus the basis of its appeal). Not to mention that if you criticise my blazer choices again, I shall peel the skin off your perfectly made-up face. Get fucked; getting your eyeliner tattooed on was a hell of a decision.

You shook your head, backspaced the last few lines, and stretched towards the wicker end table to grab your glass of pink lemonade, and you stole a glance at Tom’s work as you did so. A couple of files spread across his white wicker lounger (two blue files [socials of the family], two green [recent bids], a yellow [Manhattan locations], and a brown [requests from politicians, upper East side]). The pink sticky-notes had your and his written exchanges and edits on certain papers, and his laptop was open, the screen dimmed, while he copied something into a notebook with his cell phone held between his shoulder and his ear, just listening to the computerised voice.

He had joined you on the back porch to work remotely, claiming he couldn’t go into the city today due to the absence of news on Zendaya—if any information arose, he’d said he wanted your diagnosis immediately.

You wiped your forehead with your sleeve as a sweat drop slinked behind Tom’s ear. Even Tessa wouldn’t run in the heat; she’d curled up by the porch railing, her tail slapping against her water bowl. In an experiment to see if she wanted to spend some time outside, you’d slid the glass door open for Trout, to which she turned around to retreat to the bedroom.

Not all of the clothes you’d ordered had arrived yet, so you were stuck wearing autumnal clothes with long sleeves. To exacerbate matters, you were constantly moving—jiggling your leg, tapping your fingers—you couldn’t sit still for very long anymore; you had taken to pacing the porch when you couldn’t concentrate on the stars.

(Once, Tom had come out at night to check on you, wiping the sleep out of his eyes and sitting in silence with you. He’d made you go to bed after a while, claiming you’d run yourself into the ground if you kept this restlessness up.)

When your phone beeped, the both of you jolted at the sound. Tom hung up on the robotic voice as you scrambled to your phone, and he bent your way. “Is it Zendaya?”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you shook your head. “No. Looks like it’s a jailbreak.”

Tom sighed, his shoulders heaving as he eased back in his seat. “Where from?”

“I don’t even care,” you said, letting your phone fall to your lap. You slumped back in your chair, shielding your eyes from the sun with your arm. But you straightened yourself again and checked. “From Central. They don’t even know who’s all escaped yet.”

“It’d be too much of a gift if New York City would fucking relax for five minutes.”

“It seems like it’s in more uproar than usual lately,” you said, sipping through the reusable straw of your pink lemonade. “Do you suppose it’s our fault?”

Tom took a moment to pluck his damp t-shirt away from his chest. “I don’t think we’re instigating. If anything, we’re simply reacting to chaos.” He stood up and stretched, raising his arms above his head—his biceps strained at the sleeves, and the hem rose above his v-lines. “Unless you’re doing something I don’t know about.”

Ah, casual suspicion. “You’ve caught me,” you said as he approached Tessa and crouched next to her, “I’ve been running a koi smuggling gig on the side.”

“Why koi?” He held out his hand for Tessa to sniff, and she readily accepted his hand for pats. “Are they hard to get?”

“I don’t know,” you said, shrugging, “but I’ve been wondering if they’d be able to survive in your grist mill pond. You look through that water straight to the bottom, nothing living in your way. Just rocks and old equipment.”

Tom sat against the porch railing with a jittery Tessa partially in his lap. “Should we get some?”

“Oh, fuck off, Tom,” you said, grinning, a sweat drop falling onto your mousepad as you shook your head, “You can’t entertain every little pipedream I have.”

“Watch me. What do you want for Christmas?”

You ducked your head, biting your lip. “Promise me something.”

“Provided it’s not my head on a stake, I will,” he said, scratching Tessa behind her ears and cringing a bit when she stretched to lick his face.

“Then we’re going in person to the pre-opening fundraising gala for the Gawain Diamond.”

Tom narrowed his eyes. “Viper.”

“Bitch, I got John Mulaney to sign on to do the opening monologue, and he’s probably gonna roast de Blasio again. I’m not missing that.”

Your phone blared an alert again, and both of you held your breath as you unlocked it.

“Got a list of prisoners who escaped. Small group. Delores, Larson, Duncan, Mays, Selvin,” you said, “There’s more, but I don’t know them. Tell us something important, by God. Anyway, we’re going. I didn’t say I was going alone, did I? You’ll be there. I’ll be safe, and you’ll be safe.”

His jaw shifting to the side, Tom stilled his hand on Tessa’s back, and then he lifted it to flick sweat off his neck. “How many of us maximum can you get in?”

“It’s a fundraiser for idiotic rich people; if there are too many people without a name, they’ll be noticed.”

“It can’t be just us.”

“Why? Afraid you can’t protect me on your own?”

“Now, don’t start that.” Tom herded Tessa off his lap and onto her outside bed. “I’m not falling for it.”

“Yes, yes, I’m fully aware you’re capable of ripping me in half,” you said, draining your pink lemonade, the airy suction coming through your straw (almost loud enough that you couldn’t hear Tom’s sputtering over it—almost—and his phone beeping). “Want me to get that?”

“Bring it here,” he said, and you snatched it while he sat on the railing, dangling his legs off the side.

“It’s,” you said, eyebrows shooting to your hairline as you read the little notification, “It’s a tweet from Zendaya.” You tossed it to him to unlock and leant on the railing next to him, arm grazing his thigh with a heightened awareness of how close you were to his sweaty, sweaty abdomen. No! No time to thirst. Friend time.

Tom unlocked his phone and held it at your eye level, turning it horizontally as he pulled up the tweet.

ZENDAYA (@ZendayaMedias): Felt cute. Might delete later.

[video]

Tom pulled up the clip, waiting for it to load. “Why didn’t she post it to instagram, then?”

“The finer details of social media are an enigma. Do I look like I know,” you said, and his thumb hovered over the play button.

He cranked the volume up before pressing play, having to try twice due to how slippery his fingers were. “I wonder if Haz has seen this yet.”

A vertical shot of a murky, grey sky from the bow of a boat and dark ocean as far as the camera can see. It pans across the starboard side, and this boat is the only one in sight.

Only the sound of waves striking the boat.

The camera tilts down. Zendaya’s writhing on the deck, furiously straining against rope bonds that line up the entirety of her arms and up her calves; she’s yelling furiously at the person behind the camera through duct tape.

Scuffed, black boots roll Z to the starboard gunwale. She’s still fighting, still shouting.

The camera trucks to the right; before, the pair of cinderblocks attached to her feet were concealed. It returns to her face. A glove grabs part of her hair to show the weights tied into it. She bucks up to headbutt the camera; he avoids it.

Tom clenched his free hand on his thigh. “We’re running another scan for that black-stubble bell jackass from her instagram; did we have any fucking leads at all? What’s his fucking motivation? So he slept with her, allegedly; did she say no to a second time? Doesn’t fucking merit—”

The boot kicks the cinderblocks off the boat, and the camera tilts down to follow the trail of bubbles.

It’s quiet.

But then the camera pans to portside, where the guy in the picture with Zendaya is similarly tied up, but he’s openly weeping and shaking his head. He’s got something drawn on his forehead in black marker. The cameraman steps closer to focus on it: it’s a circle with an upward curve resting on top of it.

He’s still wearing the bell necklace.

Then the cameraman backs away and raises a gloved hand, in which a gun is aimed at the other’s forehead.

The bullet goes through the circle, and the bell rattles as he’s kicked off. Fewer bubbles.

Then the camera tilts up to show off the boat’s surroundings: a black and barren ocean, as far as the eye can see.

When the video started to loop, Tom switched his screen off, his phone hanging loosely in his grip. You released of his thigh once you noticed you’d grabbed onto him, and the evidence of your touch faded as the fabric relaxed.

His eyes glossed over at the blank screen, and his mouth opened before closing again, running his tongue over his lower lip. Tom brought a fist to his mouth and furrowed his brow, his hand hardly concealing the growing tremble of his jaw.

You took a step away from him, rubbing your arms as you ducked your head. “I’m going back inside,” you said, hoping Trout felt like being clutched to your chest, “I’m cold.”

***

The next morning, your mouth felt heavy and dry. You sneaked out as the sun was rising to go hide in the woods surrounding Tom’s house, but you talked yourself out of it. He would make too much of a fuss if he couldn’t find you—but you could delay the inevitable conversation even further. Both of you had separated and kept to yourselves the rest of the evening. Kept quiet.

So you rounded the outside of the house. You’re not camping out in a fucking copse. When you reached the pond, you scanned it for a dry place to hide, but nothing really held any appeal, save for the rounded platform where the mill wheel used to spin, its spoke notches overflowing with moss. You managed to get to it after scrambling alongside the stones for a few minutes, and though it didn’t look like you could get down the same way, you settled against the wall, scraping some moss out of the notches so that your feet could rest more comfortably in them.

(Dr. Prine called ten minutes after you sent her the email. “Did you send me the correct article?”

“Yeah,” you said, rubbing your face wash onto your cheeks, “Considering it’s the only one I have ready, and I can’t bring myself to write anything. I tried. I just fucking can’t.”

“I don’t think you want this published at this point in your life.”

“I don’t fucking care. Whoever’s using my pen name probably knows who the fuck I am in general. Just publish it.”

“Honey,” said Dr. Prine, her voice softening (and fumbling, like she was holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder), “You should probably rethink this. It’s going to connect Epiales you back to Viper you. Get some sleep; eat breakfast. Call me back then.”

“It’s an appropriate article for the political climate.”

“Not for your personal life.”

“I don’t fucking care,” you said between splashing water on your face, “I don’t. It’s a good fucking article, and hopefully, it can affect people for the upcoming election. Fuck self-preservation. Send it to the Times already.”

“Did I dial the wrong number?”

“Hilarious, Dr. Prine. I know it’s not the smartest thing for me to do, but I can’t—absolutely can’t—write anything. I don’t know for how long, but for now, at least.” You blotted your face dry. “I’ve got to meet standard deadlines if I’m keeping my column. It’s really only dangerous if Tom reads it and makes the connection, and his brain is offline right now.”

And so Aeneid Autopsies: Current Crimes Reflected in Ancient Times, chapter twelve, “The Political Tradition as Mob Rule,” would be published on Saturday. It’s a little too in the know about the mafia, but hey, you had written it on a whim a month ago, and you were known for your extensive research, anyway. It most likely shouldn’t be too different from your other exposés, though they weren’t on topics that were deliberately misleading the public by what information was out there.

The more you thought about it, it was almost like you wanted to reveal yourself, wanted to get stabbed while you were sleeping, because there’s an overwhelming question rolling around in your brain like a mis-weighted shooter marble: is this—)

“It’s not your fault.”

With crossed arms, Tom leant against the stone wall, his leg bent back for his bare foot to rest flat against it. He glanced sideways at you, sitting on your mill wheel perch almost halfway across the pond, but closer to the far side than to him.

He’s got major bedhead, his curls just fucking flopping about out of his part, and even from where you are, his face burned red amidst wet tracks trailing down it. Still, thank God for little mercies—his biceps were fucking straining the sleeves of his white t-shirt, and those idiotic, blessed grey sweatpants were low on his hips.

You lifted your head from your knees but still clutched them to your chest. “You’re not going out, then?”

“Of course not,” Tom said, and he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Can’t be crying during a meeting, yeah?”

“Been boxing?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Not really.”

He ran his tongue over his lower lip and sighed, and then he slid his hands into his pockets, his eyes glossing over while he watched the moss you’d picked off float in the pond.

You’re not going to fucking cry. Tom came out here for a reason. He has a purpose. All you have to do is wait.

Eventually, he said, “You’re avoiding what I said.”

You tilted your head.

“Listen, I know you’re beating yourself up about it. It’s not your fault this happened. None of this is your fault. Hey.” Tom tapped the wall, the travelling reverberations making you look up at him. “Whoever’s doing this is doing it of their own volition and not because of you. You hold no culpability for this.”

“Bruh,” you said, “One of your best friends is dead, and you’re comforting me? I thought I was the masochist.”

Tom scowled, his brow furrowing. “Viper—”

“I can’t interact with someone without putting them in danger, at a disturbingly high rate. You want me to enumerate where I’ve stuck my nose in not my business and people have gotten killed? Senator Hernandez, Isadora,” you began, holding up two fingers, “The nine men guarding Isadora, Maccabruno, Polson—”

“Don’t you dare do that to yourself.” Tom took a step forward, his foot almost curving into the pond. “You didn’t use the knife. You didn’t pull any triggers.”

“Yeah, but I sent them there. And a good many of them went because it was their job.” You sneered and propped your chin on your knees again.

“And it’s part of your job—”

“Yeah, whatever. Your friend is dead, and I have no home. I’ve stopped contacting the few people in my circle on the chance that they get dragged into this—Grace, Adrien—he’s the lights specialist guy, in case you don’t remember—I’ve got to email Glory, but that can’t be helped. And Dr. Prine only—fuck,” you said, dragging your hands down your face. “I don’t want anything to fucking happen to Dr. Prine. Or your family, for that matter.”

“Everyone not involved in the business is currently in hiding upstate,” said Tom, eyes narrowed as he glared at you. “If you like, I can ensure the same—”

“Stop acting so damn calm, Tom.” You let your legs dangle off the platform, hands clenching the edges. “I don’t have any strings left to pull. And fucking hell, I know that it would be extremely and absurdly conceited of me to believe that this series of crimes is aimed specifically at me, because how deluded, how arrogant could I get—but goddammit, this stuff feels a little too personalised. It feels like this person knows me.”

Tom clicked his tongue. “Don’t you think it’s worth something that Glory Pham has been left alone? He knows how to get into Crosscreek, yet Glory hasn’t been touched. Is that not worthwhile?”

Your eyes watered, but you ducked your head so that he couldn’t see—but you released a dry sob (Fuck! Now is not the time for crying! Now is the time for being badass! Frown, or something!).

Tom spoke so quietly you almost didn’t catch it. “Do you want to leave?”

God, no. But it would make you feel like less of a burden. “Let me find an apartment first.”

“No, not like that. Hey, V. Look at me,” he said, and he tapped on the wall again.

You wouldn’t. Not like this. Not when your nose was running and when you didn’t have a plan.

“Please look at me, Viper.”

Glowering, you raised your head, lifting your chin higher than normal to seem confident, and oh, God—his eyes were wide and gentle; he’s leaning as far as he can over the pond, still unable to reach you.

“What I meant was if you wanted to leave the mob.”

It rang through your head like a distant cathedral bell, chiming through a deserted town—but then you were farther, out on the mountains, still listening to faint clanging.

“You’d have to kill me,” you said, shaking your head, “Don’t you remember?”

“Fuck,” Tom was saying, sucking in through his teeth, and after glancing at the water, he started jogging around the pond.

“I swore. I bled. And then even after that—then you knighted me.” You inhaled sharply when he reached the stones you’d climbed. “I’ve let you down.”

“Viper, get the fuck down from there and come here,” he said, and he withdrew, winching, when he stepped on a sharp edge.

“We shouldn’t have met,” you said, looking over your shoulder at him, and Tom froze, his hand partially gripping a hole in the stone wall. “I shouldn’t have taken the job. I should have gone to a different city. I should have—”

“Wasted your life away in the shadows? Just shut up and get down here.”

“Ah! The fuck?” You swatted his hand away when it grazed the platform, and when he climbed up another step, you pushed yourself off the platform and into the pond.

The first thing that struck you was how quiet everything was once the bubbles dissipated, and then you noticed how clear the water was, even from within it—glancing down, you could easily see your feet treading water above the broken grist mill wheels that had sunken to the bottom.

Before you could take it in to feel the emptiness in your chest, bubbles filled your vision again—and then his hands were grappling for you, grasping at your clothes, and pulling you towards the surface.

“I wasn’t fucking drowning,” you said, sliding a hand back through your hair, while Tom shook his head to flick off excess water. “I was fine without—”

“I know you weren’t.” Tom gripped your waist tightly enough to be painful, and he slid his other hand up between your shoulder blades. “I know. You wouldn’t die on me, and I’m not letting anyone else lay their hands on you. C’mon, arms around.”

He guided your arms around his waist, and once you had a good grip (hands sliding up his back), he kicked off to swim to the stone wall, backing you into it. Your toes skimmed the bottom of the pond, but Tom kept your head above the water, his thumbs circling your hipbones through your wet clothes.

Tom closed his eyes, his eyelashes heavy with water droplets. “There’s no solution to this where you die, got it?”

“Shucks.”

“I mean it. Talk to me. Tell me what you can.” Tom let out a breath slowly, and he bent to rest his forehead on your shoulder. “Please,” he said once you tensed up, his breath hot through your wet shirt, “Won’t you let me in?”

(Fuck fuck fuck fuck his chest is flush against yours; he’s so warm, so damn warm all over, and the water’s chill only makes you want to cling to him more, fuck.)

“You won’t like me,” you said, tentatively lifting a hand to curl your fingers into his hair, pulling slightly, “I’m not whom I’ve presented to you. I don’t have it under control.”

“I don’t expect you to.” Tom turned his head towards you; his lips almost grazed your neck (you relish their warmth anyway). “You wouldn’t be human, otherwise.”

“I don’t know an awful lot. Some days it seems like all I do is guesswork.” You grimaced but kept the slim distance from Tom’s mouth. If he wanted to, he would. “I’m lost completely on whoever the fake Epiales is. I keep looking for a pattern in everything, even—even so far back as to—”

You stuttered. Tom had pressed his lips to the base of your neck.

“There’s no consistency,” he said, nuzzling his nose against the spot where your neck met shoulder, “but there’s got to be a larger plan. I get it. The whole case is like a hydra, and we’re chopping blindly at the heads.”

(Oh, my God, he kissed you? He kiss the neck? He?)

“Oh! I forgot to tell you.” Tom pulled away to look you in the eye, and your mouth hung open of its own accord—come back! “I made myself watch the video again.” His jaw shifted. “To see if I missed anything, and I did. This time, I recognised the symbol on the guy’s forehead.” Tom lightly traced it onto your forehead with his middle finger. “It’s a zodiac symbol. It’s the one for Taurus.”

You nodded, still not really thinking at full capacity. “Great. Another piece of evidence that I won’t be able to make fucking sense of. Goddammit. I’m so useless. Goddammit,” you said, dropping your hand from his hair into the water with a splash. “Tom, I don’t talk to my mother much anymore. She doesn’t know where or who I am, and to be honest, I don’t know who I am, either. I don’t know where the truth is.”

You nearly slapped him when you cupped his cheek, like you were desperate, like you had to be touching him, skin on skin, that instant. It’d be nice if he would close his eyes and lean into your touch, maybe kiss your palm, but Tom simply stared at you in shock, eyes wide, brows raised, mouth pinched.

Don’t tell him, you whore. You built this fucking kingdom with its walls and bastions so that you would be safe when the outer defences crumbled. You’ve set aside parts of yourself into neat little boxes so that you can throw any of them away at any time and escaped unscathed. Don’t you fucking dare screw that up. Tom doesn’t know about Epiales so that you can expose and destroy him if you’re on his chopping block; it’s insurance for when everything falls.

Bitch, since when do you want to be honest and raw and vulnerable around anyone?

You can’t let him in.

“You’re still a woman of honour,” Tom said, and—oh, God, oh, fuck—he’s easing his hands down your body, his chest pressed against yours again, and he’s sliding them down your thighs to hook underneath your knees, and he’s hitched you up against the wall, the definition of his muscles real and palpable through the wet clothes, warm, warm, warm—

“I should apologise,” you said, turning your head to the side while he steered your legs around his waist, “I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now.”

“You can’t?” Tom shifted you upwards, and that’s it; your heat is directly against him; you can feel every pull and tensing of his tendons, and if he keeps moving the way he is, then you’ll—

“I’m so sorry for making this about me when Z was closer to you. We shouldn’t waste time on me; we need to be searching, arranging a funeral if we can’t find anything.” You scrunched your eyes shut.

“You’re deflecting.” Tom let out a shuddery sigh. “I’ve lost too many people. Don’t make me lose you when you’re right in front of me,” he said, and he pressed his lips right below your ear.

You flinched away on impulse but tried to relax into him, blinking profusely.

Tom pushed against you (not localised enough to qualify as a thrust), and he cleared his throat before pulling away from your neck. “Listen, please. Please.” He shifted your weight to one hand and gripped your chin with his freed one. His eyes flickered to your mouth before he moved to rest his hand on your cheek. “You’re invaluable. Irreplaceable. You are no burden and are not at fault.” He clenched his jaw. “But I know you’re keeping something from me, and I will make the answer fall from your lips soon.”

Your own chin was shaking, and he was too close. If you put aside separate-self-as-insurance for a moment, let’s consider Tom did find out about Epiales. Would he control you through it? Would he use you to influence those he couldn’t reach? Would he grab hold of Dr. Prine? He might squeeze your life and time through his fist, and your freedom would be gone. Epiales was your freedom, your space to create and connect.

He was too close.

“You’ve got to promise not to hate me,” you said, and when he raised an eyebrow, you made your decision to lean in.

“No,” he said, and—and your lips met his cheek.

He’d turned his head.

After all that, he’s going to turn his head?

“No,” he said again, taking your chin again and leading you away, back to leaning against the stone wall, “I don’t want our first kiss connected to the memory of mourning. I can wait a bit longer.”

Tom released your legs, letting them sink. “You once told me that if you let yourself be vulnerable, you didn’t want an audience. I think,” he said, frowning, “I think you still see me as an outsider. As a member of that audience. And again, you said that you didn’t want it if it weren’t real.” He stepped away from you entirely, and he started wading towards the edge of the pond. “I’m going to hold you to the same standard. I’ll wait until you’re ready to be real with me.”

Tom slinked out of the pond, flicking away what excess water he could, and he squinted into the sun on the horizon. He shook his head, water flying, and he glanced back at you and scoffed. “Easy, sweetheart. No need to wear your heart on your sleeve now.”

His voice trailed off as he rounded the corner towards the door.

The sun is rising, and you feel rather cold.

***

inter vivos: between the living

***

taglist: @hollandroos @madmadmilk @parkerroos @parsleysbaby @z-ukos @pparkerwrites @lunamyangel @stealth-spiderr @presidentbttrflyfreak @paradoxparker @bi-writes @astronomyparkers @infamous-webhead @laurfangirl424 @softspideys @gryffinpuffs @plethoraofpuppies @laucontrerasv @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @spiderboytotherescue @cassiopeiaskies

[kayliemusing]

30

1: Name - Kaylie

2: Age - 23

3: 3 Fears - Spiders, failure, loss

4: 3 things I love - Reading, writing, Taylor Swift

5: 4 turns on - Kindness, nice hands, humor, someone who has a really warm heart.

6: 4 turns off - Arrogance, moustaches lmao, narcissism, basket ball shorts *shudders*

7: My best friend - Her name is Megan (but also my mom lmao)

8: Sexual orientation - Heterosexual

9: My best first date - I have never been on a date.

10: How tall am I - 5'2

11: What do I miss - My childhood mostly

12: What time were I born - 2:45 pm

13: Favorite color - Red, but sometimes a nice summery, pastel yellow

14: Do I have a crush - no

15: Favorite quote - I have so many that I can't say my utmost favourite, but one that I always think about is from Richard Siken "He was pointing at the moon but I was looking at his hand." I'm not even sure how this is supposed to be interpreted, but I just love the detail of this. Of someone looking at the moon and pointing at it, but you're looking at their hand because you're that consumed by them and also they're like your moon. anyway-

16: Favorite place - My house lol

17: Favorite food - Cheesecake

18: Do I use sarcasm - Yes, but very dryly

19: What am I listening to right now - Nothing actually. I'm just sitting in the quiet.

20: First thing I notice in new person - I used to think it was physical, like eyes or their smile, but I think it's actually their demeanor. i.e., confidence, if they're laid back, talkative or quiet, etc. Or even just how they handle things. Like when I'm at work and I meet a new co-worker I'm always noticing how they are with people.

21: Shoe size - 6.5 US but I can manage a 7 US too.

22: Eye color - Grey

23: Hair color - Ashy blonde, but I usually get it highlighted to be a brighter blonde

24: Favorite style of clothing - I'm super into the French girl vibe right now (elegany, classy, ribbed sweaters tucked into high waisted jeans or dress pants, a blazer thrown over and a nice gold necklace) but I'm also really into a summery boho look (flowy maxi dresses and skirts)

25: Ever done a prank call? No

27: Meaning behind my URL - On this account, it's just my name and then 'muses' because this account is just me talking to myself tbh. My main account is called autumnsletters which is just a combo of my fav things: autumn and handwritten love letters, and finally, my embarrassing taylor swift account is called sixteenavenue which is a lyric from her song I Think He Knows where she mentions her heart skipping down sixteenth avenue.

28: Favorite movie - I feel like i don't have one answer bc I always have a different answer to this question lmao. I think it's called A Christmas Carol (the 2009 version w/ Jim Carrey). It just makes me feel cozy and warm inside. Also: Clueless.

29: Favorite song - All Too Well by Taylor Swift I think.

30: Favorite band - Of Monsters and Men

31: How I feel right now - I actually feel really happy today, which is a change lol. I had an awful week last week, but over the last couple of days I've just felt more creative and happier.

32: Someone I love - My mom

33: My current relationship status - Single

34: My relationship with my parents - Excellent.

35: Favorite holiday - Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have -0 :'(

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - I want to get my ears pierced again bc the holes grew over. Low key want a nose piericing and low key want a tattoo on my collarbone (or somewhere around there)

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - Because everyone else had it and I felt left out LOL

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - I don't have an ex

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - No

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - No i've never been kissed rip

42: When did I last hold hands? - never but it's ok bc i can hold my own hand

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depending on what I'm doing. If I showered the night before and I'm just doing a very low-maintenance look, roughly 15-20 mins. On a normal day in which I shower in the morning and am trying to actually be presentable, roughly an hour.

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? - Have YOU shaved MY legs? No. Have I shaved my own? Yes

45: Where am I right now? - My room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - Most likely I'm not drunk, but IF I WAS, it would be my friend, my mom, or my sister (my sister would probs make fun of me and film me tho tbh)

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - Loud if I'm jamming with nothing else to do but sing along. If I'm trying to do something, I'll turn it down bc I can't focus with loud music (especially if I'm trying to write something/talk to someone/text someone)

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - My mom bc my dads dead

49: Am I excited for anything? - My sister and I are going to Banff in about three weeks so I'm excited for a getaway.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - No

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - I work in retail so

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I don't know. I think I hugged my mom at some point this week lol

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - Bye bye babyyyy

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - my cat

55: What is something I disliked about today? - I had to go to work

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Taylor Alison Swift baby

57: What do I think about most? - Probably Taylor Swift.

58: What’s my strangest talent? - I can make stomach gurgling noises with my mouth closed.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - Nah, pretty generic ones

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Behind the camera

61: What was the last lie I told? - Some lady asked if a product was good and I said yes so I wouldn't have to help her find another one

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Neither what the hell

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - Neither

64: Do I believe in magic? - No

65: Do I believe in luck? - No

66: What's the weather like right now? - It's calm, but a little cloudy. It was really warm and sunny earlier, but it's gotten a little grey.

67: What was the last book I've read? - I just finished this series called The Winner's Curse by Marie Rutkoski and it was so good but so stressful omg. Still 5/5 stars.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Yes

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Not really, but sometimes my coworkers call my Kayls

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? - Oh my god when I was like 10 I fell during grounders and the bar hit me right on the cooch. Most painful event of my entire life.

71: Do I spend money or save it? - Spend it bitch

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - No

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes!! my blanket!!

74: Favorite animal? - I love hippos and I don't know why.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - Reading on my phone to avoid sleeping so I could prolong not going to work

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - Devil. Kind of like Satan The Devil is his full name

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Shake It Off

78: How can you win my heart? - Learning Taylor Swift's entire discography for my sake

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - tbh I really don't know

80: What is my favorite word? - Wonderstruck

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - n/a

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - stream fearless taylor's version

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - Healing

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - N/A

86: What is my current desktop picture? - it's a misty forest

87: Had sex? - no

88: Bought condoms? - no

89: Gotten pregnant? - no

90: Failed a class? - yes

91: Kissed a boy? - no

92: Kissed a girl? - no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - no but it's a dream

94: Had a job? - I've had two so far

95: Left the house without my wallet? - Yes, sometimes I do it on purpose so I can make my mom pay for something lmao (chill i'm talking something small like candy)

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - no

97: Had sex in public? - no

98: Played on a sports team? - no

99: Smoked weed? - no

100: Did drugs? - no

101: Smoked cigarettes? - no

102: Drank alcohol? - yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - no

104: Been overweight? - I feel overweight, but technically no

105: Been underweight? - No

106: Been to a wedding? - Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - Yes, but not since I was younger. I'm mostly on my phone now.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - Oh yeah lmao

109: Been outside my home country? - No

110: Gotten my heart broken? - Yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? - No

112: Broken a bone? - No

113: Cut myself? - Yes

114: Been to prom? - Sort of. I'm Canadian so I had grad.

115: Been in airplane? - No

116: Fly by helicopter? - No

117: What concerts have I been to? - Jonas Brothers when I was about 10 lmao and Marianas Trench when I was 15

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - No

119: Learned another language? - Tried to

120: Wore make up? - Yes. I do work at a makeup store.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - no

122: Had oral sex? - no

123: Dyed my hair? - not a funky color, no

124: Voted in a presidential election? - Sort of; I voted for a prime minister

125: Rode in an ambulance? - Yes

126: Had a surgery? - No

127: Met someone famous? - No

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - No

129: Peed outside? - No

130: Been fishing? - No

131: Helped with charity? - Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? - No bc I never fessed up to any crush lol

133: Broken a mirror? - No

134: What do I want for birthday? - A jewelry box

[queenerdloser]

so i’m going to type this out so i can hopefully purge it out of my memory & because there’s no better audience than.a bunch of strangers on the internet. tw for some gross conservative opinions i guess.

so quick context; my step-dad is a hardline conservative and my mom has basically swallowed his bullshit hook line and sinker. they are, both of them, extremely inflexible when it comes to their opinions and very unwilling to listen to anyone who disagrees with them. i’m living temporarily in their apartment since i just moved back into the country.

so they came home tonight for the first time since i arrived back from japan and we were having dinner. i brought up that my sister wanted to take a trip since kids are doing online schooling here, which my step-dad immediately jumped on how it was not good and my mom started in on how it was so terrible for kids and how “they” want to bring down education and how the entire situation right now somehow reminded her of fahrenheit 451. when i asked who the hell the “they” was, it became an increasingly convoluted rant about the oppressive government that is somehow restricting american freedom bc they might require everyone to have a corona vaccine... which my step-dad, with all seriousness, thinks could contain a microchip to monitor the population. 

so i point out how insane this entire reasoning is (when asked why he thinks this, he basically just said “well BILL GATES backed a vaccine and he’s the ceo of microsoft!! so!!” and i was like ??? is that a logical argument or?? i mean i’m no bill gates fan but that’s a hell of a fucking leap to make) they turned around and started waxing on about how america was founded on FREEDOM (and i use all caps bc that’s literally how they talked about it). when i, again, pointed out that at america’s founding it was actually just freedom for white men, my step-dad was like “well that doesn’t matter!! are you telling me bc some people didnt have freedom it’s okay to take away my freedom now?” and my mom was in the background literally screaming at me about how i need to have loyalty to my country and how it’s written in the constitution that you have to be loyal or you can’t be a citizen (which is uh... very not true unless i’m misremembering the constitution) and i should just leave the country if i hated it so much. when i explained that being critical of my country is very different from being an actual traitor, she just kept repeating that i needed to be loyal and then couldn’t fucking explain at all what being “disloyal” meant. 

(also they brought up how the protestors were trying to change the country and they shouldn’t be allowed to do that and when i was like “uh actually we have changed the country many times over. the founding fathers changed their country!!” my step-dad and mom were both yelling about how, actually, the founding fathers created a country as if they didn’t do it in direct opposition to the british and a big old fuck you to their mother country. my parents are both die-hard founding fathers supporters so i didn’t bring up the whole “i mean they were wealthy white slave owners so can we stop idolizing them” argument either - wouldn’t have been worth it.)

meanwhile my literally insane step-father is going on and on about how people die everyday so the government shouldn’t require a corona vaccine - it’s people’s own lives they’re putting at risk (ignoring, of course, that by contracting the disease without a vaccine they risk further spread through vulnerable populations that can’t be vaccinated for health reasons a la the return of the measles). i told him it was beyond disrespectful to people suffering from corona and the thousands who’ve died from it to diminish it to some bullshit “well people die everyday” argument and he scoffed and told me it didn’t matter bc more people died from car accidents than corona. (which, when i checked later, is also very much not true lmao)

okay, i pointed out, but there are regulations in place to make cars safer and lesson accidents, right? he then somehow made the very insane leap that the government has no right to require people to wear their seatbelts because the choice to not wear a seatbelt and endanger your own life should be entirely up to you and that it’s somehow a restriction of freedom to make it illegal to not wear your seatbelt. i didn’t say this at the time but now i’m thinking that i probably should have brought up that people regularly choose to flout this law anyway, it’s not a jail-able offense, and most of the time cops do not run people down for not wearing a seatbelt - so it’s a fucking moot point, bc it’s a law we regard as cavalierly as jaywalking. and not wearing a seatbelt and getting into an accident can cause other people to die or make things worse for other people in your car. and.... like yeah, i really DON’T care if the govt decides to create regulations that are designed to decrease loss of life even should someone decide they want to lose their life. saying “oh well someone should have the right to choose to risk their lives without that damn government interference” is a very wild argument. like sorry the govt wants you to stay safe and alive in your car, i guess??? how dare they try to lessen the loss of life and set regulations for drivers and car companies to follow?????????

anyway, this then completely unravels into me bringing up again that i explicitly don’t trust trump’s government with how they handle the virus & our real concern should be big pharma jacking up vaccine costs just bc they can and my step-dad went on a long diatribe about how vaccine research costs money and it’s totally cool if they decide to make the vaccine itself 3x the production costs. when i brought up (stupidly) that i thought the vaccine should actually be free if the govt is really going to require everyone to take it, he basically exploded and went on a long gibbering rant about how could i expect anyone to do anything for free, we might as well let everyone do their job for free! who’s going to pay for it? was repeated over and over again. he brought up free education and was not happy when i explained that i was very fine with my taxes going to paying for free education instead of military expenses.

finally, the icing on this very shitty hour of my life was my mom trying to tell me with all seriousness that trump is not an idiot, that i should respect him for being a “financial wizard” (literally her words!!!) and that i can’t criticize or disrespect him bc he’s a president. when i pointed out that a) i didn’t vote for him so i don’t actually acknowledge him as “my” president and b) that’s fucking insane, she started in how she didn’t “raise me this way” and that, once again, I was being disloyal to my country, that i was clearly uneducated and didn’t know anything about american history, and that i was being brainwashed and overtaken by propaganda. (when i told her flatout that the only one being brainwashed and overtaken by propaganda was her, she was also not happy.)

i brought up how trump wants to try to delay the election - my step-dad scoffed and asked where i got my information. the news, i said, bc i read the article from the bbc. THE NEWS? he said with complete disbelief. YOU CAN’T BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU HEAR IN THE NEWS. okay, i said with increasing disbelief that this was my life. well then how do you get your information? my mom chimes in with a hysterical: FROM MY GUT. 

(i told my step-dad i read a variety of news articles and he told me he does too, but then he went on about how i apparently read the “wrong” news bc i happen to disagree with all of his insane arguments.)

i pointed out that i might like trump more if he was at all competent, compassionate, interested in doing his job, and not sexist, racist, and homophobic. my step-dad, completely unwilling to entertain the idea that he might be wrong, scoffed and said that trump wasn’t racist. okay, i said with the increasing desire to murder something. how is that something you can possibly say. my step-dad goes on to smugly assure me that someone who hires black people can’t be racist, actually. unsure of how to even begin dismantling this mind-numbingly bad logic, i countered with the assertion that trump has been openly racist on many platforms. my step-dad and my mom turned towards talking about how “noticing someone’s race isn’t racist!” and “isn’t your bias against white people actually racist?” and that’s when i fucking lost it, grabbed my keys and my phone and ran out of the apartment to go have a fucking panic attack in the fucking backyard. 

this was like an hour. my mom was screaming at me for like half of it and my step-dad was yelling and they constantly kept fucking talking over me and going round and fucking round in circles or making nonsensical general statements (”money doesn’t grow on trees!” “what about FREEDOM?” “loyalty is everything!” and so on). there was a literal comparison of being required to take a vaccine to nazi fucking germany. (my step-dad, clearly displaying how little he thinks of my intelligence, had the gall to try to “explain” to me that they killed jewish people during nazi germany. yeah dude. i learned that in fucking elementary school. i’m aware.) i was told that i was “too young” to understand what i was talking about, that i had no critical thinking skills, that my criticism of my country was treasonous and that i should just leave if i didn’t want to be here. 

i left for two hours. i’m still shaking bc i had a panic attack & then several smaller attacks while i was walking around my neighborhood trying to figure out if i should disappear until they went to sleep and how the hell i’m going to stay in their household until september, where i thankfully have alternate housing lined up. my mom just came into my room all remorseful, trying to get me to tell her where i was and apologizing in a way that didn’t actually apologize at all (”i’m sorry for what happened” she said, not all enunciating that she’s sorry for yelling at me, calling me names, undermining my critical thought, and basically being an all-out fanatical asshole for no imaginable reason. “and on our first night together, too!” she added, as if this happened somehow out of her control.)

i knew that living with them would be uncomfortable but i seriously had no idea that i would be standing there, making jokes and trying to calmly explain myself in the face of their loud vitriol. like. i wasn’t yelling! i think the only time i even snapped at them was when they tried to cut me off when i was talking. i tried to crack wise, to get them to see the utter ridiculousness they were spouting and yet!! they were both so violently, fanatically angry at me for just like... not thinking america is the greatest country in the world. not thinking trump is actually a good president. not agreeing that a corona vaccine is actually a secret ploy to microchip people for the oppressive government. 

i left panic behind an hour ago & have crossed steadily over into anger but the fact is that if i have to have another “conversation” like that with them i will lose it entirely and i don’t know how i can live in this house and somehow do the mental gymnastics to avoid all “taboo” subjects. my mom clearly wants to pretend it didn’t happen, which is honestly her m.o. whenever we fight, but how the fuck am i supposed to forget her calling me a traitor and ranting at me about how uneducated and dimwitted i am? 

god. i’ll probably delete this, but i needed to lay it all out. in case anyone was wondering YES people who think this utter bullshit do exist and apparently i’m so blessed i get to have one of them as my own fucking mother. 

[realllllfangirllllll]

Pentagon as your Classmate

PTG Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Jinho:

The shy guy who sits next to you in the front because he's too short to see the board. You say hi to him but he just timidly glances at you and smiles. A few days after sitting next to each other, you started having full conversations with him when the teacher walks out or when the class is assigned work to do. You got to know him more, and he began to naturally open up to you. Then BOOM he’s the loudest obnoxious kid ever. The two of you make fun of the teachers and play pranks on the other students and when the both of you talk, the other building can hear your high-pitched laughters.

Hui:

The guy who you sit next to because he looked smart and easy to get along with when he smiled and waved at you. You enjoyed chilling in between breaks with him but when the class has work to do, his true self awakens. He will nag at every little mistake you make on your work and is a straight perfectionist. But after he sees you struggling and groaning in frustration, he laughs a little to himself and invites you to come to his house so he can help you.

Hongseok:

The one guy who picked up your pencil on the first day of school as you dropped it on your way into class in a hurry because you were late. You couldn’t find an empty seat anywhere but then he tells his friend beside him to make space for an extra desk. He goes up to tell the teacher that you need a desk and chair so you ended up having your desk placed next to him. Throughout the year, you just found yourself naturally relying on Hongseok when you need guidance or fun. He’s either always acting like a mom to you or a ten year old child making jokes that cause you to laugh until the teacher gives both of you detention or makes you stand outside the classroom.

Edawn:

The classmate who is technically never in class. You met him by chance when you went to get lunch with Hui. He seemed really cold and distant when you first saw him, but when he introduced himself, the two of you got along so well you forgot Hui was still there. The two of you would usually go out to shop and get food. I wouldn’t say he’s a bad influence per se, but he definitely did make you ditch class a lot of times. BUT when he is in class with you, the two of you would have so much fun just chilling and messing around in the back of the class. People were jealous of the two of you tbh. Whenever you two were together, people labeled you guys as the “Power Duo.”

Shinwon:

Your most EXTRA friend ever. He just randomly came up to you and asked for a pencil... and then another... and then another. At this point, you knew he was going to keep breaking pencils so you just gave him a pen. But then he started sitting next to you and making ridiculous jokes and weird meme faces that you couldn’t help but laugh along with him. During class, the two of you would do ridiculous stuff like drawing on desks and then after school, both of you would do pointless activities like running around parking lots or pushing each other on shopping carts. The two of you also have this complicated, but super cool, handshake and the rest of the boys just leave to their classes when they see either one of you signal the start of the handshake. Other students voted both of you as the “Most Extra” for the superlative section of the yearbook.

Yeo One:

The sweetest boy ever. Some girl knocked over your supplies and he rushed over to help you. He swiftly picked up the fallen supplies and books, putting them back into your locker and introduced himself with a sweet smile. You thanked him and gradually, you found him coming to your rescue as the school year continued. When in class, he would try really hard to concentrate and you would just stare at his serious face, laughing even when the whole class was supposed to work. He would crack a few horrible dad jokes here and there and lowkey, I feel like the two of you would turn into the cutest school couple.

Yanan:

So so shy, even more so than when Jinho first met you. You only happened to talk to him by chance through a lab project. You would often make mistakes, almost pouring the wrong chemicals in the tube and he would just loudly shout at you to stop with his high-pitched voice. You got scared by his shouts and accidentally dropped the glass hurting your hands in the process. Yanan got so scared for you, he immediately pulled you close to him, checking for any major wounds. The teacher excused the two of you to the nurse but the nurse wasn’t there, so he ended up disinfecting your hand on his own. He didn’t know how to use the bandage wrap but he was so concerned for you, he just wrapped it as secure as he could. You laughed at his concerned actions and told him your hand was absolutely fine but he wouldn’t accept it. After the incident, Yanan just found himself wanting to protect you all the time but is also super clingy around you and would always ask you to keep him company because he gets bored in classes often. Many students thought you two were a couple and always have that “Awhh” reaction when either one of you does something for the other.

Yuto:

He’s the most intimidating person in your school. Nobody would talk to him or try to even introduce themselves to him. You’d hear rumors about him so you assumed he would be a rebel outcast, but when you saw him with his group of friends you thought he looked rather nice. He sat in the back of you, and you would always feel his head right behind you. You’d take out your mirror just to see him squinting his eyes to look at the board. You laughed and turned around to ask if he wanted to switch seats. He looked at you with surprise written all over his face. He thought you’d be too afraid to talk to him but here you were moving to switch seats with him. From there on, the two of you would share notes and you would always make fun of him for writing a word or two wrong because he refuses to get contacts or glasses. After school, his personality would be a total 180-degree change. When the two of you went to the library or hung out at his house, he would be so clingy and cheesy. He’d tell you how he thought other classmates being scared of him was funny and how he sometimes act intimidating for fun. The whole school would never understand why the two of you were so close, but deep down the girls were all pretty jealous you hung out with the ”mysterious bad boy.”

Kino:

Such a sweet boy. You met him the moment you stepped foot onto the campus. He saw your lost expression and he immediately came up to you and asked if you needed help. He introduced his friends to you and told you which classes to take. He lowkey told you to take the classes he had so he could spend more time with you. Overall, he’s a really nice and reliable friend but don’t get me wrong, the two of you bickered so much that the rest of the group just leaves the conversation. During lunch, you would share food with him and act so sweet together that everyone thought you two were a couple. BUT when he started talking about his tv show opinions, you went off on him. He likes all the characters you hated and he hated all the characters you liked. The two of you were a chaotic mess, but at the end of the day, you guys would walk each other home and just have fun from the simplest things.

Wooseok:

SO awkward. This boy couldn’t even look you in the eyes when his friend introduced him to you. You tried to ease the tension by asking him if he wants to go grab lunch together. He kind of replied too quickly and immediately avoided eye contact again. When the two of you picked your lunches at the cafeteria, both of you realized that your food tastes are the exact same and bonded through that. From then on, the two of you would always get lunch together and talk about pointless things. Everyday, he would quickly pack his stuff and wait for you outside your class so the two of you can head to lunch. Everyone in the school envied the relationship you two had, but you guys thought there was nothing special to be jealous about. Afterschool, Wooseok would do the same thing, waiting for you to pack up and wait by your classroom door, and then head out to go some place fun. You guys would often go to arcades, laser tag, or any other exciting activities together.

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• I included Edawn bc it’s tentastic OK •

• Also, Hopefully a new chp of MTF will be posted tmrw •

• For the time being, pls enjoy this reaction I wrote AND VOTE/SUPPORT PTG ILY •