#still sort of have to decide on the exact theme of my other team members...

[satsuha]

starting on designing my scarlet team! here are my two clowngirls to begin with

[acerace]

...you have opened my eyes to a vast universe of VintageBeef lore that I was unaware of. I knew about the New Hermit Order, of course, and the UHC invention, and I've watched a few of his CTM things but -- I will take all the info and lore you feel like giving out because Beef is amazing and my knowledge is so small.

Vintagebeef my beloved <3

So the thing is, right, until about 2016 I only watched two (2) youtubers- Vintagebeef for Minecraft and aDrive for Pokemon (and funnily enough both of them are named Dan irl). So I've watched most of Beef's videos over the years and have a general knowledge of most of his stuff, except because it's been like a decade I don't remember where most of the lore comes from XD

The thing with him is that he doesn't do Lore tm the way other mcyters often do lore- he doesn't have an extensive RP series to draw from like Grian, doesn't have a solo world with steadily increasing amounts of lore like Etho or Zisteau, and while he's played on SMPs and been involved in storylines before it's not really the focus of his episodes unlike with Evo or Legacy or Empires

So where does that leave us?

IRL, Beef always has multiple series running at the same time. Often he's playing on an smp while doing a singleplayer, often modded, series as well as a CTM or modpack with a group of friends. For example, right now he's playing on Hermitcraft, doing weekly Pixelmon and Building a Zoo episodes, and a CTM map with Slip. And to me, this translates to one thing: Beef is an adventurer. He travels frequently- he explores a world and when he decides he's done, he leaves for the next one. That's the basis of my personal interpretation of his series and his character for my writing.

Ok so reading this back, this got extremely long and didn't explain much in the way of lore, somehow? If anyone has any additions to add please do so, I am very definitely leaving out a lot and would love to see what other lore people remember and are using for Beef! I didn’t include the Hermitcraft stuff since my memory of season 4 is blurry (his base was themed after the Martian, that much I know, and he and Iskall were buddies :D) and most of the s5 NHO lore is best watched from Bdub’s perspective from what I remember, and the only s6 stuff is a single line in Hermitgang and then the Area 77 arc with its possibility of an NHO reunion which we did not get rip. And s7 of course had the cloning machine and also the Podzol Party as the main lore. So all the original rambling is still below the cut though it is very long, and I'm gonna bullet point the main stuff here instead:

Actual canonical things:

Invented UHC and was the only survivor of the first ever uhc (Mindcrack UHC s1)

Married to an ender dragon (one of the UHCs I think), later father to a different dragon (Mindcrack season 3? I think?)

Might not have legs if you choose to take that joke as canon (Mindcrack s2)

Was a wizard (RAD)

is a zookeeper (Building a Zoo) 

Had a wife and kids (Sims in Minecraft)

Part of the Trial of the B Team court case (Mindcrack)

NHO founder, founder of the Podzol Party (Hermitcraft)

Created a cloning machine that sort of works (Hermitcraft)

Played the Forest which is I believe the first time he and Keralis played together (look up the trigger warnings for this one, it's a horror game)

Was the creator/owner of Sourceblock SMP (featuring some familiar faces if you know Legacy, Empires, or MCC) and there is literal magic from a mysterious sourceblock of water that teleports people and summons mobs and probably more stuff that I haven't seen yet since I'm still watching it myself

Things you can infer:

Good with animals (Life in the Woods, Pixelmon, Ark)

Is a car nerd (irl and all of the car games he's played)

Is a highly experienced adventurer who has traveled through dozens of worlds both vanilla and modded, across multiple dimensions (Twilight Forest, the Aether, the Betweenlands, Limbo), completed dozens of monuments, fought in blood sports, survived apocalypse after apocalypse, tamed dinosaurs, and played a lot of prop hunt and golf with your friends

If you're looking for what to watch for lore purposes, I'd say the Mindcrack UHCs and Team Canada's RAD series are pretty good, definitely Sourceblock and HC s5, plus the Diversity CTM maps and Ruins of the Mindcrackers maybe? And Mindcrack Prank Wars for the chaos and the origin of Team Canada. And if you can handle horror than the Forest is fun and if you don't do horror you can watch the Pojkband play golf or prop hunt they're hilarious I love them sm I want a Pojkband reunion So Bad 

Beef's first series was a singleplayer series in beta 1.4_01 though he had played the game extensively before that, and was a big fan of Guude, having watched his own Minecraft videos. The series was functionally a hardcore one where if he died Beef would delete the world and start again! I haven't actually Watched this series so idk if he died or how often lmao. When Guude made Mindcrack, which was btw one of the very first Minecraft SMPs, he also hosted a competition for people to join, and Beef submitted a video (which is still viewable on his channel I believe!) and won, and was added to Mindcrack in season 2 :D (fun fact, Guude said that even if Beef hadn’t won he would have added him anyway) 

Two running jokes emerged from Mindcrack- pulling a Vintagebeef and Beef doesn't have legs. The first is a reference to Beef dying of fall damage (I believe the exact instance was him trying to jump into his swimming pool and failing spectacularly) and after the incident, every time someone died of fall damage they were pulling a Vintagebeef. The second joke comes from Guude, who joked that the reason Beef wasn't going to a convention was because he didn't have legs, and then he pranked Beef's base by building a giant pair of legs at the entrance to his castle so you had to walk between them to get into the base. This joke has long since died and both Beef and Guude feel pretty bad about it iirc because there were people who genuinely thought Beef was disabled and were emailing him supportive messages and stuff oops. So if you go looking on the Salad or find old Mindcrack fics, you might see references to Beef having prosthetic legs!

Mindcrack also brought about the creation of several Player groups- Team Nancy Drew, Team Canada, and GOB to name a few relevant to Beef. Team Nancy Drew consists of Beef, Pauseunpause, Guude, and Baj, who formed to investigate a prank on one of the members but I forget who. They're named Nancy Drew after the detective! Team Canada also formed in retaliation to pranks, with it consisting of Beef, Etho, and Pause, the three Canadian members on the server (not including Adlington who moved to Canada but never joined the group). There was also a Team America who pranked them with American flags everywhere. GOB is Guude, OMGChad, and Beef, who played stuff like the Ragecraft, Pantheon, and Monstrosity ctms together but that's way down the line lol

Team Nancy Drew is also notable for inventing UHC. It was Beef's brainchild but it was the four of them who first played it! The first UHC had the four of them working to kill the dragon with no natural regen, with everyone dying but Beef, who "won" the UHC. The second uhc was still dragon focused and iirc is where Beef married the dragon? Memories are hazy but they do kill the dragon in this one I think. UHC was then revamped as a pvp event and became a regular Mindcrack game every few months, featuring most of the Mindcrackers and several special guests, including Dinnerbone, who as we know Thanos-snapped Doc's arm out of existence as a result of Doc killing him in one of them

In one of the seasons of Mindcrack, Beef invited swedish Mindcracker and good friend Anderzel to go caving with him and invented ABBA Rules caving, where the winner takes it all. ABBA Rules is a game where each ore (and also dungeon loot like nametags) is assigned a point value and the person with the most points at the end wins and gets to keep all the stuff collected from the game.

In Mindcrack season 3?, Beef punched the ender dragon in an... awkward area, so when the dragon died and left the egg behind, Guude said Beef was the father of the egg XD I don't remember if I watched s3 so I have no idea if anything Happened with this concept but *history of the world voice* you could make lore out of this!

So Team Canada has played a Lot of CTM maps (which fun fact were pretty much invented by another Mindcrack member, Vechs, with his Super Hostile series! Super Hostile has a bunch of things called "Zistonian", which are references to another Mindcrack member Zisteau, who has a very wild singleplayer series with even wilder lore but I digress). In Ruins of the Mindcrackers, they had a running joke that Beef was Etho and Pause's mom, which is a joke we can leave in the past actually /lh. They also played all the Diversity maps, Sky Factory, Terra Restore, Uncharted Territory uhhh and a couple more ctms and adventure maps! Each map kinda has its own story so in Diversity 3 for example they were trapped in a simulation? I think? Team Canada also recently played the Roguelike Adventures and Dungeons modpack, aka RAD, in which Beef was a wizard with a magic staff that could do anything from summon lightning to control hostile mobs.

Sourceblock SMP is a vanilla survival 1.14 series that ran for one season and the series starts with each of the Players being drawn to a strange sparkling water source that, once they touch it, brings them to the Sourceblock world. It also summons a giant zombie at one point. There's probably more lore for this series but like I said I haven't watched it all the way through yet 

He has a Patreon server called VintageCraft and has done a series or two on there as well, and played a few UHCs with them, so lore that how you will! 

Beef also played a few popular mods, notably Pixelmon, Life in the Woods, and Feed the Beast, with LitW being singleplayer and the other multiplayer. He's also recently played the Zoo and Wild Animals mod a lot. He did a short series with the Minecraft Comes Alive mod where he married one of the villagers and had two children, so that's canon now :D he’s played a Lot of Pixelmon starting when the mod first came out iirc (he chose Turtwig in his first series and built a Grass gym, then made a Normal gym in another series in uhh 2016) and he still plays to this day. Quite a few Hermits played on his Pixelmon servers with him, like Wels, Etho, Iskall, Stress, Slip, Zueljin, and also Guude and Phedran (a Mindcrack adjacent player and creator of the LitW modpack) and a few Mindcrackers on the older servers 

Mindcrack and friends played a lot of other games too- 7 Days to Die, Ark Survival Evolved, Unturned, to name a few, so you can pull a lot of lore out of these as well. Speaking of friends and non-Minecraft games, Beef teamed up with Pause, Keralis, and Slip (a former Hermit) to play the horror game the Forest, which saw them stuck on an island trying to survive against terrifying mutated human... things. They played it a few times as the game updated but as afaik it's the first time Beef played with Keralis and possibly Slip and since the game starts with the Player's airplane crashing, that could totally be how Beef first met them in-universe 

I... think? that’s everything I mentioned in the tags? There is probably way more stuff I’ve forgotten that stems from inside jokes and things that happen within each series, but I hope that was a) helpful and b) at least somewhat comprehensible lmao 

[justauthoring]

The Lingering Shadow [1]

A/N: here’s the first part! i’ve been reading far too many oikawa fics lately, specifically yandere ones, but since that’s not really my style of writing, i’ve decided to add my own little twist. so yes, some chapters might be dark, and oikawa is definitely not a good guy (sorry to any die-hard oikawa fans) but the reader will have a happy ending :)

just to be clear, she’s a second year in this. and obviously everything will be explained in due time, but please let me know who you all would like the reader to eventually end up with -- im thinking one of the third years, but not sure who. though, i’ll consider anyone (besides oikawa lol) so please send in some suggestions.

Summary: He’s a past memory you’ve tried so hard to forget. So hard to leave in the past. And you almost succeed, almost do it, until his voice is suddenly calling out for you and then, you just can’t seem to get rid of him. Pairing: tbd, Yandere!Oikawa Tooru x Reader

TW: yandere oikawa, dark themes, warnings might change as chapters progress.

“I feel like I’ve seen you before...”

The sound of his voice sends you to a rigid freeze, entire body tensing up in panic. You’d recognize his voice anywhere, of course you would -- you’d used to be obsessed with it (as strange as that sounded). Completely and wholeheartedly devoted to it. Him and that sultry tone of his. Him and that fake grin of his.

Your hands freeze on the strap of your bag, the one you’d been packing seconds prior -- peacefully and undisturbed. And you hang there a moment, unsure of what you should do. You don’t want to turn, don’t want to face him, and you certainly don’t want to engage in any sort of conversation with him.

Hands pressed on either side of you head, a looming figure standing before you, trapping you. There’s no escape. No where to turn.

You keep your gaze down, shaking, violently and without fault. You’re scared to look up, lips feel as if they’d been glued shut -- you’re so completely confused and out of your element that it’s stunned you silent without fault. He’s a intimidating figure before you, even if you’d never felt that way prior to this moment. He’d used to seem like the sun and stars to you, now he feels like nothing more then a shadow, lurking in the dark.

You hadn’t wanted this -- you didn’t want this. You were just--

“--congratulating me, right?” He smirks, voice a low drawl. “This feels like congratulation enough to me.”

You shut the memory out, forcing it to the very back of your mind like you have for the past few months. You refuse to remember it, relive it, and it’s different this time -- the two of you aren’t alone. Aren’t in some dark corner of the school where no one else can see, where no prying and curious eyes can fall on the two of you.

Your team will notice, surely--

“Ah,” he grins, “I knew I’d recognized you.”

You’ve turned to face him before you even realized you actually had. It’s like your feet move on their own, like your body had instinctively reacted to his voice, like it had that day. 

When you look at him, he’s grinning widely, head tilted to that side and has that familiar twist to it that you haven’t managed to get out of your minds eye since that day. You’d never used to see it, never would’ve dreamed of seeing such a sadistic and twisted look in the boys face -- but now, you think it fits perfectly if the lasting touch of his scalding touch is anything to go by.

“O-Oikawa-san,” you whisper, forcing the words out as you bow your head. You take a quick glance around the Karasuno gym the both of you were in, finding his team scattered amongst the crowd as they packed up their things, and your own team missing. It occurs to you then that they must be in the locker room, changing out of their gym attire.

You’re not alone, but certainly not with anyone that’d care for the panicked look on your face.

Kiyoko isn’t even there.

“Y/L/N, right?” He calls, jutting his hip out as he leans on his right leg, “you used to go to Aoba Johsai.”

The casual lilt to his tone as you wondering if he even remembers that day, and with a blink you realize he probably doesn’t. Just because he recognized your face, doesn’t mean anything. You’d used to go to every single one of his games, watched with a striving passion and unwavering determination, maybe he just remembered seeing your face amongst the crowd.

Part of it hurts, the stinging realization that he didn’t even care to remember what he’d done that day. The fear he’d set deep within you, it never having fully stopped coursing through your veins.

But then, another, more logical side of you reasons good -- you don’t want him to remember. If he doesn’t remember, it’s less likely to happen again.

“You’re a manager here?”

Swallowing thickly, you force yourself to sound as strong as you possibly can. “Y-yes, well, manager in training. Kiyoko-san is helping me--”

“It’s a wonder how you managed that,” he cuts in, voice sharp. “My number one fan, manager of Karasuno. A team nobody even remembers anymore.”

You freeze, lips left parted.

“That’s what you called yourself, right? My number one fan?” His tone is light enough that to anybody in passing, it sounds casual. But you see it, that blaze in his eyes, the sweet smile on his lips that is just a little too sweet, and the curl of his eyes that seems a little too forced to be real.

You once would’ve believed it, one of the poor girls that would fall for his charms easily and without fault. Now, it just floods you with fear.

“It’s all, if I remember correctly, you were good for.”

He takes a step forward, and you take one back, and it hits you like a slap across the face.

“Congratulations on the win, huh?”

His smile turns twisted, dark, and you find yourself pressed against a wall suddenly, him gaining on you.

“How would you like to congratulate me then?”

“My faithful fan ran away it seems.”

“Oikawa,” you call, voice pitching in panic. “Please--”

“Is everything alright, Y/L/N-san?”

You don’t think you’ve ever appreciated Kiyoko more then you do in that exact moment -- and you owe a lot to her and her kindness. 

Oikawa turns at the sound of her voice, and your wide eyes soften somewhat at the curious, but guarded, look upon her face as she eyes the two of you. There’s a still moment, a long pause, one where you’re not sure what to say, if you could even say anything if you wanted to -- it feels like you can barely breathe, he’s still far too close.

But you don’t have to. Oikawa does for you.

“Catching up with an old friend is all,” he smiles, bright-eyed and convincing as ever, “she used--”

“Ne, ne, Y/L/N-senpai, what are you doing talking to The Great King?”

You hate that name, you decide then, more then ever. A flash of orange appearing next to you, all but butting himself into the conversation, bounding up to you with bright eyes and a warm smile -- it’s a nice contrast to Oikawa’s you also decide, body easing somewhat.

You knew your team would notice. Of course they would.

“I used to go to the same school as Oikawa-san,” you explain softly, saying what you’re sure Oikawa had been about to to Kiyoko, finding your voice with the strength of no longer being alone with him. However, you can’t help but eye him out of the corner of your eye, apprehensive and unsure. “Though, he was a year ahead of me.”

“I didn’t know she’d transferred to Karasuno,” Oikawa explains, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Pleasant surprise is all.”

You notice the rest of the team joining, slowly filtering over to where the four of you stand. Hinata still looks quite confused, and as Kageyama comes to a stand behind him, he also looks quite puzzled. However, as your attention filters over to the older members of the team, they seem more apprehensive, like Kiyoko had, narrowed gazes fixtured up Oikawa.

Tanaka, in particular, steps forward, a harsh glare on his face, a threatening aura surrounding him, to which Hinata is quick to back him up (of course, you notice the way he also uses his upperclassmen as a shield) all whilst Oikawa simply stands there with a confused smile.

He’s good, you realize as well, really good. Better then you thought. He does, of course, have years of practice -- twisting that glint into something more friendly, more approachable, more charismatic.

“Oikawa-san!” A teammate of his calls, pulling the attention away from you, whilst Daichi grabs both Tanaka and Hinata by their collars, yanking them back. “It’s time to go.”

Oikawa turns to your team, offering a small wave, and hope floods you then. The casualness of his step, the way his back is turned to you, you think maybe, just maybe, that was it. Just a game to him. He probably liked seeing the fear in your eyes, got off on it, but you didn’t matter enough to him to do anything else. That was it. He would be off, and things would go back to normal -- you wouldn’t have to see him again.

It was luck that Takeda had managed a practice match with Oikawa’s team, and though you’d been somewhat nervous when you first heard -- he’d ignored you till the end. And you wouldn’t be seeing him again, transferring schools insured that fact.

But then a hand falls on your shoulder, and your gaze flickers upwards, finding --

Oikawa staring down at you, gaze intense, unwavering, and it sends a chill down the back of your spine. His grip is tight on your shoulder, having caught you the moment you’d tried to pull off the wall and get away. He’s strong, stronger then he looks, and he keeps you there with ease, before pushing, just a small push, slamming you back against the wall.

And then his other hand is gripping your jaw, forcing your gaze up, and his lips are own your before you even have a moment to argue. He’s unrelenting, forceful, and you don’t know how to stop him -- how to even beg for him to stop, because it occurs to you that he won’t care.

He doesn’t care.

“I’ll be seeing you.”

And Oikawa’s off before you’ve even properly processed his words, chest heaving as he squeezes your shoulder, the threat clearly there, and then the pressure is gone.

He’s gone.

You watch him walk off, pull on that familiar white and blue jacket, and Takeda is saying goodbye to their coach with a polite bow, and Seijoh is walking out the doors. But not before Oikawa sends a smile back at you, just you, his eyes finding yours easily, and even from where you’re stood, you can see that glint, and it feels like all the warmth in your body is just gone.

The feeling of a hand on your shoulder once against snaps you out of your revere, and your wide, somewhat panicked eyes fall on Kiyoko whose staring down at you in concern.

“Are you okay, Y/L/N-san?”

A glance at the rest of your team, and most seem to be wearing a similar expression of concern, if not confusion. You even notice Tsukishima glancing at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Y/L/N?” Daichi calls, pressing you gently.

“Yeah,” you choke out, the words light and airy, but you smile to convince them of the fact. Your shoulders ease, and Kiyoko’s grasp lightens at the feeling, and then you’re smiling up at her, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear with a light laugh. “Just caught me off guard is all. Haven’t seen him in a long time.”

“I didn’t know you two were friends.”

It’s Kageyama who says it, and his tone is sharp, blunt.

“Kageyama!” Sugawara chastises, sending him a harsh glare.

“No, no.” you argue, shaking your head. “It’s fine. We’re not really. When I was in my first year, I used to go to a lot of his games. I guess he just recognized me from the crowds.”

You hope you’re convincing, and you are enough that they leave it at that. But even if you notice the glances thrown your way, or the way Kiyoko dutifully sticks close to you as you finish grabbing your things, taking a bit longer then normal in order to insure you don’t see Oikawa again when you leave the gym.

You don’t want to see him again.

But something deep down, twisting around your heart, tells you you don’t have much of a choice in that matter.

[salcreus]

So I'm no writer. I don't mean this in a bad way, I just can't write long texts or keep my attention on the plot that I'm writing.

Having said that, however, I've been thinking a lot about an AU where Impulse and Etho end up teaming up, and things don't seem to work as they should on the 3rd life server.... [AO3 LINK]

Pop. Crack. The taste of muddy, bitter water in your tongue. You’d figure that if you tried hard enough, you could even notice the hints of salt scattered throughout. But focusing on the little details in life are for people that have the time to do so- And you, Impulse, are

“-an absolute idiot.” “Whoah there buddy, all I did was help some people out on their business. Don’tcha think that having more cards at play is gonna help us out in the end?” The redstoner says in such a tone that almost feels acrid in the way that fruits rot, if left forgotten, yet poor phrasings and curses aside, they truly were words of a man that means no malice- a curse of playing so many sides, he’d assume, if he were in another time. What he gets in response is but a boneless sigh, one that is tired of the shapes and turns of life and death, the game that they always play but never win. - “Impulse, you know that I love having you around- I’ll go so far as to say that you are the only one I can truly trust around here. But you are making me have some second thoughts about that.” “About my loyalty? Oh come on, you know that you are my pal til the end of times!” “Do I?” Etho has a way with words, it seems. He doesn’t use expensive expressions, the ones that are far too costly for your own soul or mind- Nor does he try to seem something that he isn’t, that’d be too unnatural, even for someone of his stature. But something in his tone moves rocks and mountains if the man so desires, and oh boy does he desire that a lot. You could say that It’s the type of tone that tugs you relentlessly, even if your conscience is clear- it’s never enough to hurt, of course, Canadian costumes or something of sorts, but it’s enough to make you doubt your own self down to the last cell in your body. And that; is far worse than any heartbreak or ill mouthing. Impulse staggers a bit away from his machinery- a simple system that would cast a rain of arrows down to any intruders from the sidelines - and contemplates the question that had been dropped in the air. Does he? Etho wouldn’t doubt him so much if he did, that’s the logical conclusion to that pinpoint. Now onto figuring out why the sudden suspicion. “You do know that I’ve sworn allegiance to you, right? I’m not saying this to be nice, or to play the part, this is not a master plan to trick you and stab you from the back- Heck, I wouldn’t be fortifying your fancy castle if that were the case! Though I doubt that you’d need my help with the redstone side of things-” A slight frown waves upon the man’s face for a split second, and Etho would have probably told you he hadn’t seen a thing if someone were to ask, for sight can be deceiving, and so can the light, and the mind, and your thoughts. “Agh, just please know that I’m doing my darn best to make sure that we can be the winners! That’s the whole goal of me being buddy-buddy with the other teams, right? So that we can gather intel and be 5 steps ahead of them.” And he meant that so truthfully, so genuine and pure, for someone that was doing so much wrong. There was a moment of silence. Well, not true silence- The sloshing of water against hard wool, the wind kissing the crops good morning, the distant chattering of the sheep, it all played a song to fill the current void in this conversation, which was not halted by the need to come up with something more to speak, or the lack of subject, but yes by the need to figure out if both of them believed in this story. “Why are we doing this?” Impulse is taken aback by the shift in conversation- Etho is no person to bring doubt into the table like that, after all. To question others? That’s a fair game, albeit a bit torturous at worst- But to question his own purpose, just like that, out of the blue? Now that was a heavy rock thrown to the face. Thankfully not in a literal sense, though. “...What do you mean by that?” Is what he managed to blurt out in response. “The betraying, the killing, the alliances- all of that. I mean, fundamentally, we do know that we are doing this for ‘fun’ and to ‘wind-out’ ” - The white-haired figure makes sure to over exaggerate the quotation marks of his sentence, giving it such a grand gesture that it almost breaks the somewhat tense presence filling the air. It was nice to take a step back and to remember that, at the end of the day, Etho is

still just Etho, silly and well-meaning. - “We know it because it’s what Grian told us it is.” “So you’re implying that there’s something more to it..?” “I’m not sure yet. You can just call it a hunch, really. But maybe Hermitcraft just... Wasn’t enough for him.”

Silence lingers for a few moments longer, a bit too thick to be swallowed easily, but accusations like these just weren’t possible to digest with a light heart. Impulse, almost inspired by a feeling very fitting to his name, took a few steps forwards, taking in the comforting feeling that the floor of their castle provided, soon sparing a glance at the lava fortifications surrounding them. If he really tried, he could spot Tango’s killing game by one of the exposed gaps, which earned a small chuckle in response. If it was loving, or nervous, he would decide later. “So” - The (yellow themed) redstoner finally spat out - “Going off your logic there… We’re friends with a guy that runs off bloodshed and sadistic tendencies, a guy who has created, even fought, so many battles on the other server, yet felt the need to kick the violence up a notch- For… entertainment?”

In response, the other (more so blue themed, but does Etho really have a colour of his own?) redstoner walked closer towards the other man, each step carrying a moment of reflection. “Ehm- Maybe? I mean we always knew that’s the main point of what we are doing, I’m more so implying-” “Implying that his goals are beyond a couple of laughs and water guns between friends.” “Mhm.” “We don’t usually take such a long break from Hermitcraft, which might have been why he felt the need to create this game.” “Or maybe he was just tired of the pawns, so he traded them for new pieces…” Impulse coughs out another chuckle, but this time anyone that paid some mind to the man could tell the pain that it was carrying- It was almost a brand image at this point, a coping mechanism he had earned over the years. He would go as far as feeling a certain shame about it, at least in his darker hours- it’s hard to play the part if your true colours can pop out at any moment, after all. At that moment, he had come to the realization that he would be awful at poker. “...Either way, I do think that Grian is taking this too far. I don’t know about you, but I would rather not have to betray and kill my friends like this. In a lighthearted competition? Sure. But this is turning people into monsters, Impulse. It’s turning us into monsters, in fact.” He spares another sigh, his face twisting into a more pained expression - contrasting the usual cool facade that he kept around the server - , taking the chance to keep his words down to a mere whisper, almost as if to share the secrets of the world with Impulse, spells and curses for his ears only. It almost felt a bit special, in a way. “It’s not like I enjoy the idea of our friend being some sort of sadistic megalomaniac- And I promise you that I’ll eat my own words one by one if I’m wrong, cross my heart, hope to die-” - Worth to note that both of them shared their just as secret reactions to the phrasing used by Etho- The man of the minute with a scrunch of his nose, and the person looking at him with an accidental eyebrow twitch. - “...But I really need you to trust me on this one, Impulse. You know that I wouldn’t bring such accusations without a reason.” Pop. Crack. The taste of muddy, bitter water in your tongue. You wished that if you tried hard enough, you could preoccupate yourself with the bits of salt scattered throughout. Moments of self reflection and torturous analysis, little glances, short breaths, holding your head, holding your mind, holding your heart- Correction, your hearts. Holding simultaneously nothing and the idea of Nothing at the exact same time. You stare at Etho. He stares at you back. But, in the end, focusing on the little details in life are for people that can afford to do so. And you, Impulse, are- “-running out of time! So I guess we are going to call it a day here, folks! Please log out of the world as soon as possible.” The communicators scream, rudely buzzing out to all of the members present in the server.

[lumateranlibrarian]

Let’s talk about Claudia and Soren, because I’m pretty sure their conflict is going to be one of the biggest parts of The Dragon Prince’s endgame.

The Dragon Prince’s main recurring theme is breaking the cycle of revenge and hate, and how that duty falls on the newer generations when their predecessors failed to do so. This theme is so prevalent that we see the children of The Dragon Prince being placed over and over in chilling parallels to their parents.

Rayla’s parents were the last line of defense for the Dragon Prince’s egg, and yet they failed to protect it, running away or losing their lives (or so we’re led to believe); Rayla chose to be the last line of defense for Zym and Zubeia during the final battle. In her confrontation with the exact same man her parents faced, she was put in the same position, and was also willing to die to save Zym (and would have if Callum hadn’t pulled that spell out of his ass, but that’s beside the point).

Ezran sits on the throne of Katolis, and has to decide whether he’ll let a man driven by vengeance and fear tell him how to use his power. This man inevitably decides that dark magic will lead him to his goal. Like Harrow in his final days, Ezran chooses peace over conflict - and yet, for this choice, Ezran is ousted from his throne and placed in a prison he later escapes (unlike his father, unless you consider a birdcage, subsequently escaped, to be a prison too - oh, wait).

And then. Soren and Claudia.

Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon. Shit’s about to get real.

The scene where Soren snuck away from Viren’s army, leaving Claudia behind, was masterfully executed, and I’m still both delighted and heartbroken over it all. But to map out why it was so excruciating, we have to go back a few episodes. Specifically, the finale of Season 2.

In Breathe, Claudia apologizes to Ezran for her actions attempting to capture him. When Ezran admits that he knows about his father’s death, Claudia empathizes with him by explaining the circumstances of Viren and her mother’s separation.

CLAUDIA I know it’s not the same, but… when I was a kid, my mom and dad split up. I remember hearing them fight a lot at night after we went to bed. And then one day, they told us Mom was moving back to Del Bar, where her family was from. And then they said… we had to choose. And Soren chose Dad. How could I choose? How could I do that? Then my mom looked at my dad, and she told me to stay. She said that I had to stay with Soren, that this was my home, and my brother and I needed each other. And then she left.

EZRAN But how could she do that? Why would she leave you?

CLAUDIA I think she needed to leave for herself. To be happy… somehow. You might have noticed my dad is pretty intense.

EZRAN You must miss her.

CLAUDIA Losing her has been the hardest thing that’s ever happened to me.

EZRAN When you grow up, sometimes there are changes you don’t expect, and you have to face things you’re not ready for. Callum told me that.

CLAUDIA You are so lucky to have a brother like Callum.

EZRAN I know.

CLAUDIA And… I’m lucky to have my brother. Soren is a doof, but he’s my doof! I know he would do anything to protect me, and I would do anything for him.

Pretty upsetting, right? I can understand why a young Claudia would be so torn - after all, no child wants to make the choice between losing one parent or the other. And Claudia clearly recognizes that it was not abandonment, when her mother left - rather, it was her mother doing what was right for herself. Of course, Claudia didn’t come to this realization immediately, and says as much. It just took a long time for her to get there. Again, an understandable response.

Hold onto that! It’s a surprise tool that will help us later.

So, with this in mind, let’s proceed to Season 3, Episode 7, Hearts of Cinder.

Soren has seen some shit.

Where to even start? Viren told Soren all but explicitly to kill the crown prince and his brother. And when Soren and Claudia confronted Viren about this, Viren gaslighted the shit out of his son, to the point that even Claudia was convinced Soren had misunderstood their brilliant, intellectual father for the umpteenth time. This left a deeply upset Soren was wrestling with what he knew and what he was being told. Every time Soren tried to ask for more information, he was harshly rebuffed by Viren, or more gently brushed to the side by a (perhaps willfully) naive Claudia. He knows what Viren wanted him to do with Ezran, and this has been weighing on him for a while. When Ezran spared his and Claudia’s lives, and then was himself thrown in jail (a fucking ten year old boy cuffed in the same prison cell used to contain a treasonous archmage), Soren finally put his foot down and said, actually, fuck this.

And, before I get into the quotes once more, I’d like to point out: Soren isn’t actually stupid. He has his blatantly obtuse moments, yes, but he did come up with the plan (and muster the sheer audacity it took to pull it off) to get Ezran out of Katolis. That doesn’t happen by being an idiot.

Anyways, hold on to that. It’s a surprise tool that will help us later.

By the time Viren, with Aaravos’ help, manages to siphon the power of the Sun Elves’ city, Soren has seen enough. And when Viren straight-up assumes that Soren will be blindly willing to be the first transformed soldier - perhaps because he assumes Soren is too easily led to refuse - Soren says no. He says, I don’t want to do this. I’m scared.

You know how the rest of that scene goes.

Let’s get to the good stuff.

Soren flees, and Claudia goes after him.

CLAUDIA Soren. What’s going on? Where are you going?

SOREN I can’t stay here anymore, Claudia. You’ve seen what’s going on. What Dad turned Kasef into. What Dad turned into.

CLAUDIA Maybe he’s just doing what needs to be done.

SOREN Claudia, you’re changing, too. But it’s not too late. Come with me, Claudia. You can leave him!

CLAUDIA Please, Soren, don’t… don’t do this to me. Don’t make me choose. Not again!

SOREN Okay. Goodbye, Clauds.

CLAUDIA No! No! No, no no!

Do you see the parallels? Yes? No? All right, let’s go.

Both of these scenarios have arisen because of some sort of discord between Viren and his (I hope) loved one

Both loved ones (the children’s mother and Soren, respectively) decided that they could no longer stay with Viren, and had to leave.

Both loved ones gave the remaining family members a choice, to stay with Viren or come with them.

Claudia couldn’t decide, or Claudia wouldn’t decide, and this drove her to intense distress.

Hoping to spare Claudia pain, the leaving party told her to stay with Viren and Soren (or, just Viren), and Claudia had to watch someone she loved walk away.

The writers are bringing their A-game here, in case that hasn’t been made abundantly clear yet. There are a couple of reasonable assumptions we can make, going off these pretty blatant similarities:

Claudia and Soren’s mother was likely also upset about Viren’s growing reliance on dark magic. Or at least, that was a part of it.

Claudia and Soren’s mother returned to live with her family in another city, far away. This raises the possibility that Team Zym and associates are now Soren’s “family”, and like his mother, he’s not likely to go back.

Remember that first “surprise tool”? Claudia, while heartbroken now like she was then, may be able to forgive Soren for leaving her, as she came to understand her mother’s reasons for finalizing the divorce and moving away from the capital. Whether she does, and if doing so leads to reconciliation, however, remains to be seen…

This scene was beautifully executed, and kudos to the writers, animators, and voice actors for a superb character study. I am curious, though. Claudia has been closely paralleled with Viren, here. It’s possible that Soren has had several moments in the series so far where his actions and motivations mirror his mother’s, and we just don’t know about it because of how little we know of her.

But wait! We’re not done. I did say I think a final, major confrontation between Claudia and Soren is part of the endgame, right? Let’s dive into that.

Point: Claudia is either more powerful or more dangerously driven than Viren. Why do I say this, given all the crazy shit Viren’s done, especially under Aaravos’ counsel? Because Claudia brought Viren back from the dead. She has done what Viren either never could, or never dared to do. If Viren had been able or willing, he would have saved Sarai.

(If that’s not true… if he chose not to save Sarai, in favor of collecting her last breath in order to make a cursed weapon that could bring down Thunder… well, any shred of redeemability Viren had is now gone in my mind. Because how do you look your friend, a grieving husband, father, and king in the eye when you hold his wife’s last breath in your hands and say, “This is all I was able to save,” when it’s a lie?)

Point: Viren failed Aaravos. Viren failed Aaravos, but Claudia has managed to perform what is, as far as we know, the impossible. From the split second glimpse we have of her face immediately after Viren is revived, it seems like she just cast the spell - her eyes are pure black, but quickly fade to their original color, much as they did when Claudia restored Soren’s ability to walk using life force siphoned from a pair of deer. We also know that Aaravos has been spinning himself a new form over the two days before Viren was revived - it’s possible that Aaravos doesn’t yet know what Claudia has accomplished. What will Aaravos do, I wonder, when he learns about the impossible prodigy he has access to? It’s implied that Claudia still doesn’t know about Aaravos speaking through the caterpillar, but that hardly matters to a master manipulator like Aaravos. When you want to conquer Xadia, do you want a broken, old pawn, or a young and innovative replacement instead?

Point: Soren is not stupid. He’s not booksmart, obviously. But he’s got a keen eye for strategy. How do I know? Because he made Captain of the Crownsguard at the age of 18. Because it took him all of two seconds to see a dragon brought down by ballista during the battle to realize that the only way to give the dragons a fighting chance was to keep them in the air. Because he planned - no, he masterminded - Ezran’s escape from the dungeons and subsequent journey across Xadia to get to Zym before Viren. And because he timed it just right, Viren has no idea Ezran has escaped until the final battle - if he even knows at all, given that the only interaction we see is between them after Ezran’s escape is on the battlefield, with Ezran and the illusion Viren created by Claudia.

Point: The Illusion Viren.

This frame was the one that, of the entire season, truly stole my breath away.

Viren (well, illusion Viren, but that’s not the point of this frame) is the dividing factor between Claudia and Soren, and he has caused this rift between them due to his intent towards Ezran. Soren’s compassion and duty towards Ezran has allowed him to see the truth of Viren’s actions, whereas Claudia’s compassion for Ezran has blinded her to the fact that her own father could act so horribly to him.

And, if you’ll indulge me for just a minute, I have to wonder - why was this the ploy Claudia chose to use, to distract Soren and Ezran from the threat at the top of the Storm Spire? She has adamantly been opposed to the idea that Viren would ever orchestrate Ezran’s death, including several clear warning signs and Soren’s testimony. So why did she use this illusion - of Viren going after Ezran, clearly trying to kill him - against Soren, when his resolve to protect Ezran from Viren is what led him to the Storm Spire in the first place? Claudia is horrified when Soren demonstrates that he is willing to kill his own father to protect Ezran (who is, by the way, still a ten-year-old boy, king or not). But isn’t this what Soren has been saying all along? That Viren has been telling him to kill Ezran, and that Viren is wrong, and Soren believed this so much that he chose to leave rather than continue gong along with Viren’s plans? So, whose resolve is Claudia really testing here - Soren’s? Or her own?

I think it’s the latter, honestly. But back to our regularly-scheduled programming. Where was I?

Ah, yes.

Endgame.

So what do we know? Claudia is quite possibly the most powerful dark mage in the world. She’s chosen to continue aligning herself with Viren and Viren alone. Soren is a strategist driven by duty, and is surrounded by other warriors of similar mind and similar or even better skill. Unless a new threat emerges beyond the alliance of Viren and Aaravos (which isn’t impossible, of course), the two siblings are in direct opposition to one another. Claudia must live with the fact that her brother was willing to kill their father, and has left her to pick up the pieces. Soren must live with the fact that he was willing to kill their father, and that Claudia’s manipulation is what drove him to it.

The two of them have also, believe it or not, grown up with vastly different influences during their formative years. Differences in treatment from Viren aside, there’s an implication that Claudia and Soren have been on separate paths for a long time. Claudia is clearly Viren’s favorite - he has actual conversations with her, listens to her questions and attempts to answer them (whether the answers or truthful or not is another issue). Meanwhile, Viren puts very little effort into understanding Soren. Likely, he believes he already does, as Soren isn’t, shall we say, the most complicated of individuals. So, Claudia gets private tutoring under her father, and academic and intellectual training that Viren can relate to and challenge and encourage. Meanwhile, Soren, the family jock, goes into the castle guard. It’s not clear what all this would entail, but I imagine he trained with other recruits for a time in his own age group, reported to a commander or other superior officer, and probably received some sort of advanced training when it became clear he was a prodigy in his own right - after all, it’s not your average eighteen-year-old who is placed in charge of the security of a monarch. To sum up, Claudia was favored and likely spoiled to some degree by her father, whereas Soren excelled in military boot camp, which requires recruits to learn how to carry their own weight and take responsibility for protecting others in a very different sense than Viren’s supposed dedication to the realm.

Narratively speaking, despite first impressions, Claudia is the sibling with more cards stacked against her. She is falling faster and faster towards the point of no return with dark magic, whereas Soren has fought for every inch of his venture into the light. I’m anticipating larger confrontation between the two siblings than what we have seen so far. My heart breaks for both of them, but when I think of how future generations of humans and elves will tell the story of the Dragon Prince, these tragic siblings will fill one of the most resonant threads of the epic.

Ezran rode into the throne room that was his by birthright on the back of a massive, black-furred beast whom he charmed into loyalty. Rayla tackled a madman off of the highest peak in Xadia, and Callum dove selflessly after her. Claudia raised her father from the dead. Soren crossed miles of hostile territory in a single night to warn the Dragon Prince of a coming army.

There is a story being told here. Sometimes, history repeats, and sometimes, it rhymes. Cycles are meant to be broken, but only time will tell how Claudia and Soren handle the one they’re trapped in.

Can I just say, though?

Claudia is going to make one hell of an epic villain.

Bring it on.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League Spectacular #1 (1992)

Just off-panel: Bibbo's ice cream truck.

I probably shouldn't be reading this or Justice League Quarterly before I read the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League but what can I do? That's the order they were placed in the short box! It would be a different story if free will were not an illusion but since it is, my hands are tied. It's either read this or, um, I don't know. Die from a temporal paradox? I won't risk it! I was looking through a bunch of my old writing and art last week and discovered a bunch of the kind of sentimental and sort of intellectual crap young people write. It's the kind of stuff you hide away and never show anybody ever and hope that when you die, it'll just get tossed in a dumpster with your old porn and Magic the Gathering cards. But it got me thinking about how brave I am! So brave! The kind of brave you wouldn't hesitate to call some jerk who signed up for the military because he couldn't live as a civilian. No, no. More braver than that! And being this super brave kind of person, I thought that maybe I should share some of this old poetry with everybody! But not yet! You have to work up to being truly brave! So instead, I'll share this piece of artwork I did that was supposed to be the first in a lengthy and disgusting series. It's of Lord Fondlerot, a character I created for the Dwarflover online comic I used to do. He was really into fucking things and I thought, "Hey! I should do a series of drawings where he fucks every creature in the monster manual!" But instead of doing an entire series, I drew one picture and grew either bored or disgusted with the concept. So here's that one picture:

Lord Fondlerot fucking an Axebeak.

Now you're probably wondering just how terrible my poetry must be if I'm opening with that! Well, you'll see soon enough! This issue begins with Sue Dibny still alive and visiting a Florida theme park with her husband, The Elasticated Man. Wow, remember when Sue Dibny was killed and all the heroes freaked out about their secret identities and considered doing intense brain damage to every single person who ever knew any of their identities until they found out that The Atom's ex-wife Jean Loring had gone cuckoo for Atom's cocoa puffs? She wanted them back so bad that she began threatening and murdering the loved ones of all the super heroes. It was the kind of story DC sometimes does where you read it and think, "Well, the twist at the end of that mystery was definitely worth the destruction of the most stable marriage in the DC Universe and also the death of Firestorm and Captain Boomerang! So good!" I mean it doesn't make you think that. It makes you think the exact opposite. Tom King would eventually do pretty much the same thing in Heroes in Crisis but instead of Jean Loring fucking up by accidentally killing Sue Dibny and murdering more people to cover her tracks, Wally West fucks up and kills Poison Ivy and some others and then tries to cover his tracks. But at least Tom King's had all of those entertaining scenes where the heroes are doing therapy and we get to see how much they're all suffering from PTSD. That's always a fun aspect of super heroes we never get to read enough about. Dammit! I keep doing it. I meant it was the opposite of fun! Although I still liked it because sometimes I just like seeing other people in pain. Not in a sick perverse way where I pop a boner or something! Just in that way where you sit around all day thinking, "My life is terrible and everything is wrong and I hate my parents for bringing me into this wretched existence and the only thing that might make me feel better is to learn that Superman sometimes feels the same way." Oh, remember when Tom King was writing Batman and he had that two issue Booster Gold arc where we got to see how fucking insane Booster Gold was from living through all of those horrible, wretched, dark alternate timelines? And the only way he can deal with the trauma and the PTSD is by making a joke out of everything? I'll have to think of that as the canon Booster Gold when I'm reading Giffen and DeMatteis's Justice League. Maybe it'll make all of Booster and Beetle's inappropriate joking more appropriate. Back to the story, Sue Dibny, alive and well, and her husband Ralph "The Elasticated Man" Dibny are busy showing a bunch of European diplomats around the non-Disney World theme park.

See? You can tell they're European because they're all smart and shit.

The first stop in the park is to Alice's Wonderland where the diplomats are attacked by the Royal Flush Gang. They are a gang whose theme is playing cards and not expensive toilets. Their powers are the ability to ride on gigantic cards and to make poker puns.

If looking good in tight fitting costumes is also a power, it's my new answer to the question of which super power would I choose..

Ten's outfit reminds me of the days when nipples were allowed to show through tops without being erased away through some kind of editing software. The 70s were a wild decade! Sure, there were also nips on television in the 80s but the 80s, generally speaking, sucked and were a huge contribution to the downfall of America.

The King of Spades mansplaining their entire concept to the Queen of Spades.

It's true that the royal flush beats any other poker hand but I doubt Superman is going to surrender after this concept is explained to him because, in the end, they're not fucking playing poker. It turns out Maxwell Lord paid the Royal Flush Gang to make a little trouble so the Justice League could beat them up and get some media attention. But the Justice League has apparently broken up and The Elasticated Man just isn't hero enough to save the European delegates all by himself. He might have been if the Royal Flush Gang had done what they were told and not really fight back. But why would they do that?! Wouldn't they still be in trouble with federal agents?! Booster Gold finds Blue Beetle busy pouting in the old Justice League cave headquarters. Booster has decided to try to cheer his old buddy up although why wouldn't Booster just travel to a timeline where Ted Kord is already cheered up? Is that how time travel works in the DCU? Or did Booster already try that, it went horribly sideways, and now he's a little more fucked up in the head when he returns to the "real" timeline?

For some reason, Ice and Fire have also come down to the cave. Probably to accidentally go on a double date with Booster and Beetle. Booster and Fire and Beetle and Ice hear a news report about the Royal Flush Gang and decide to go save Ralph. Superman also hears about the situation and heads to Florida where he's almost immediately defeated by The Royal Flush Gang. Not because they're dangerous and competent super villains but because some mysterious benefactor has give them weapons capable of knocking out Superman's powers. Maxwell Lord is not that benefactor so who could have done it? Certainly not Guy Gardner, right?! What would he want with getting the Justice League back together. Isn't he busy being Warrior or something by this point? Power Girl, Metamorpho, and Guy Gardner all join in on the fight. The guy behind it all is that Weapons Master dude who is desperate to get a new weapon for his arsenal: a Green Lantern ring. The attack on the Royal Flush Gang fails to get him the ring so he decides to attack directly. But not in this issue! He has to wait for a regular series issue. Ice uses Guy's ring to contact Hal Jordan because somebody finally decided this Justice League wasn't really a big league Justice League. Everybody reading it knew it for years. But I guess Dan Jurgens was assigned the task to get a new, more believably powerful League together. So Hal Jordan flies around to pick up some new members to save the day. He chooses The Flash and Aquaman which seems about right. But he also chooses Crimson Fox which seems like sliding backwards into goofy Justice League territory. Not that I totally approve of Aquaman but I have to admit he's a "serious" choice for the League.

Doctor Light also joins the party. Although why she'd keep the name of a pedo, I couldn't guess. Just become Lightwoman or something. But no! Once some jerk earns their doctorate, they just have to demand to be called Doctor.

I'm sorry. I was too distracted pointing out that Doctor Light joined the fight and how her namesake was a pervert to comment on Metamorpho acting like a huge fucking pig. Crimson Fox beats up some guys dressed as cards and admits that she's a boring idiot whose favorite part of the game is shuffling the cards. I understand the need to think up some kind of goofy one-liner when you go into battle but shouldn't you at least try to think up one that doesn't make yourself sound like a pathetic asshole? Weapons Master's plan failed but he figures he has enough information to get Green Lantern's ring next time. He'll then sell it to a Dominator for a few bucks and maybe some slaves. The big hitters talk it over and decide they should start a new Justice League without the approval of the United Nations. Yeah! Who needs some stupid Earthly authority when you've got an invulnerable Kryptonian, an all powerful space cop, and the king of the seven seas! All they need is a Greek Goddess and a mentally ill furry with a long history of violent behavior and they'll have the big team back together! Booyah! I mean, without that stupid Booyah shit because Cyborg is basically a toaster at this point. Maybe. I don't know! What am I, Johnni DC, Continuity Cop?! The heroes make one more decision: split the group into two Leagues. So once again, they're forming Justice League America and Justice League Europe. How come I don't remember this shit?! Did the comics get canceled in '92 and then immediately fired back up? I don't seem to remember two different incarnations of these teams. Maybe I should have stored my comic books in chronological order so it would all make sense. Justice League Spectacular #1 Rating: C. I just read the letters pages and it looks like this comic book takes place between JLA #60 and JLA #61! So editorial decided the teams needed to be shaken up and the best way to do it was to disband the League in the regular series, have a special one-shot comic that gets them back together but with a different roster, and then send them back to work in the next issue of the regular series. I guess I should just shove this comic book into the middle of the regular series so when I reread it all again in my 80s, it'll make more sense! Let's close with the worst drawing of Aquaman I've ever seen:

Actually, he looks a little bit like Grunion Guy.

[1801016-4]

Personal Showase

Design Document: Film Studies

Before I started designing my piece for this project, I began looking for inspiration in the form of short films that deal with the subject of grief. This aims to learn how the experience could be represented through different visuals and narratives, rather than with an informatic, non-fiction animation. 

Cocoon

D. Stevers, 2017 [https://vimeo.com/219687902]

Cocoon is a short 2D animation that beautifully visualises the experience of grief; captioned as a ‘modern day Psalm of grief and loss’. The words of Sh’maya, and score of Ryan Taubert are complimented by delicate, poignant visuals, creating a representation of how moving through the raw emotions of grief can lead to new wonders.  A cave, storm, cold, and collapse suggest the shock and numbing first reaction to grief, followed by intense sadness. Surreal eyes provoke sensory overload and shadows create a continuing theme of being lost within loss. The motif of a flame is consistent as it grows and is snuffed out over and over again until it multiplies at the end, suggesting a step towards recovery.

A deeply loved animation in the community, many people have come forward with their own experience and how this melancholic piece has comforted them and stayed in their mind as they learn to deal with pain. Though grief is always a subjective experience, and the events of this animation do not apply to all, it can still be used as a gentle, poetic method of educating people on the topic. Created in After Effects by animator Tyler Morgan and designer Sarah Beth Hulver, it aims to be an abstract piece that viewers can find their own relation to.

Borrowed Time

A. Coats & L. Hamou-Lhadj, 2015 [https://vimeo.com/ondemand/100733]

Borrowed Time is a CG animation from two Pixar artists, that took 5 years to complete as part of their Co-op Program that lets animators use resources for independent films. It’s a powerful presentation of the guilt found in grief, and the path towards closure and forgiveness. With each step the protagonist takes, he has to reface a memory is accept the events of the past; though his father’s death was by his hand, it was an accident amidst a sudden and frightening event. Painful feelings resurface but they bring him to the final stage of acceptance.

Whilst Pixar is familiar with showing ‘painful emotions around death in order to underline the joy characters feel around life’, (such as in Up, Toy Story 3, and Inside Out) this animation contains a bigger and bolder shock factor. It’s aimed towards showing that animation can be used as ‘a medium to tell any sort of story’ for any age of audience. By using a familial bond, they have been able to heighten the emotion and more powerfully affect the viewer’s empathetic reaction.

To compare this to Cocoon, you could suggest that ambiguity allows for deeper thinking and relation to the film, but the same affect can be achieved with raw emotional shock power, eliciting honest, relatable reactions

Good Grief

F. Dalwood, 2014 [https://vimeo.com/feedee]

Good Grief is a Claymation documentary and a heartfelt exploration of ‘the lessons we learn from dealing with grief and loss… and what is has taught [the interviewees] about living’. The five voices have all experienced and grown from different kinds of losses: death of a family member, friend, pet, and a leg. In a recognisbale Creature Comforts style, the voices are given to playful animals and vegetables to create a soft visual tone to an emotional narrative.

This film aims to be used as a starting point in the discussion of grief as a transformative experience and used for the education of children and adults alike of a an unjustly stigmatised topic. The interviews are beautifully honest, for example saying, ‘that a really good cry… recharges you’, thus gently stating that grief is a natural experience that shouldn’t be ignored and hidden. Instead that there is a therapeutic power in sharing as ‘relationships matter more’. They do also say that a lot of people around them didn’t care for their grief, or didn’t even ask how they were, reiterating the fact that grief is a topic people are not educated enough about so just avoid (suggesting a need for more content I hope to build upon). I feel this is a great animation to showcase the different causes and reactions to a universal emotion.

Claire Obscur

Students from ESMI Bordeaux, 2017 [https://vimeo.com/257307223]

Clair Obscur is a CG animation from several students at Ecole Superieure des Metiers de l’Image, that shows grief through the eyes of a child. After the death of her brother, a girl is terrorised by a personification of grief every night. On this night she uses his sword to defeat the threat and reach acceptance. The use of a truly terrifying and shapeshifting monster brings the intense emotions in grief to life and imply what you will experience without listing emotions a child can’t relate to yet. This film also makes great used of colour and lighting to exaggerate the emotions linked to the childlike imagery; moving from night to day, and dark monster with danger warning red, and a deep yet peaceful tropical blue ocean.

After going through grief myself with minimal preparation, I think a children’s animation is a perfect way to educate people from young ages in a delicate way that can also let themselves come to their own conclusions by presenting the experience as a monster that can be defeated. This film is another example of how animation is a hugely diverse medium, perfect for telling light and hard-hitting stories with clear underlying messages.

Death of a Father

S.Pal, 2017

Death of a Father is a 2D animation that shows the grief of an individual and his family, and how the involvement and incorrect support of others can unintentionally take a great toll on recovery. The protagonist is experiencing a consistent numbness (complimented by a sombre colour palette), yet is being made to move on with ceremonial funeral arrangements and even pushing his father into the crematorium himself. Minimalist in style and dialogue, yet rich in character animation, it creates an intimate tone that makes the ending montage (of the dying father in hospital) even more heartbreaking. Pal notes the body language has ‘subtle nuances no one really cares about, but this is what I fell makes it relatable because of body language is based on our cultural upbringing’.

This film shows that you don’t always get a choice in how, and for how long you grieve. As people aren’t educated enough, they may try to force a perception of normal grief onto others, creating further long-term problems. Furthermore, cultures often have strict rules or customs on the matter, trying to make it an objective experience and leading to disenfranchised grief.

Pal shared about the unstable beginning of the film’s production, highlighting that it can be difficult to work on such a personal project as a collaboration. This could predict problems for me should I decide to continue this idea into the next project, but I think with an abstract retelling of the experience of grief, it could bring the team together as an opportunity to share their own stories.

I also tried to watch Dcera [Daughter] (D. Kashcheeva, 2019), Memorable (B. Collet, 2019), and Sister (S. Song, 2018), which were all Oscar nominated short animations which had themes of grief. However, I was unable to find anywhere to watch them online (and I can’t afford extra rental fees at the moment). From trailers and plot synopses, I could determine that Sister dealt with the ambiguous or disenfranchised type of grief from something never being there (as the protagonist wishes for the sister his parents had to abort amongst China’s one child rule). Memorable deals with the topic of Alzheimer’s, so could suggest anticipatory grief. Dcera is about a strained relationship between a father and daughter, with the daughter not feeling she has received enough love and support with her pain, therefore creating a sort of grief around the loss of an important relationship.

Looking at these animations (in different specialisms from creators with different backgrounds) reiterates the fact that grief comes in many forms, due to many causes, and effects life to different degrees; it is not always due to death and no one will react the exact same (comparison is never a good idea). This suggests that it is difficult to predict how viewers will react to a subjective film, but as long as the narrative is left ambiguous and doesn’t enforce the notion that there is only one real type of grief, it should be a thought-provoking success.

Sources:

Chatterjee, S., (2018). Somnath Pal’s Journey of Self-Discovery. [online] Red Bull. Available at: https://www.redbull.com/in-en/somnath-pal-death-of-a-father (Accessed 25 Sept 2020).

Dalwood, F., (2014). Good Grief. [online] Vimeo. Available at: https://vimeo.com/91157088 (Accessed 25 Sept 2020).

Morgan, S.B., (2017). Cocoon. [online] sarahbethmorgan.com. Available at: https://sarahbethmorgan.com/cocoon (Accessed 25 Sept 2020).

Robinson, T., (2016). This Powerful Short by Two Pixar Animators is darker than Pixar had ever gone. The Verge. [online] Available at: https://www.theverge.com/2016/10/17/13306394/pixar-borrowed-time-animated-short-interview (Accessed 25 Sept 2020).

Sh’maya, (2017) 1 June. Available at: https://www.facebook.com/shmayapoetry/posts/its-finally-here-cocoon-a-film-on-grief-and-loss-the-mighty-dan-stevers-commissi/1788377031179628/ (Accessed 25 Sept 2020).

[doyelikehaggis]

Person A tries to get their friends to kiss under the mistletoe, and they completely forget about their crush on Person B until they both end up under the mistletoe. This is peak Kizzie content.

Being acutely observant is something that Lizzie likes to pride herself on. At least, when the thing she's observing is important and manages to find its way into her spacial bubble.

It's easy for her not to spare things a certain glance, something that Josie has pointed out recently she needs to work on. But sometimes those things nag at her, forcing her to pay attention.

One of those things happens to be Kaleb.

She's noticed him a lot more lately and been ignoring the growing feeling in her chest at the same time. Avoiding another epic rejection and humiliation is high on the list of things she wants for this year of positivity.

Crushes are great, but she just can't risk her healing mental health right now. Especially with Sebastian now roaming around the school thanks to Kaleb and MG figuring out how to free him from desiccation. They're friends, but nothing more. There's already enough drama in her life as it is with Malivore's monsters making a return. 

Strangely enough, her reason for noticing Kaleb at this particular moment has nothing to do with the feelings she is choosing to pretend don't even exist. Her eyes narrow as she watches him across the library from the chair she's been curled up in for the last hour, having taken a break from the decorating committee.

He's currently helping them out, to her surprise, but she supposes as a member of the honour council, it's sort of a requirement. He's balanced on the edge of the bannister stringing up a set of the lights that they spelled during Chemistry of Magic to work without any additional electricity. 

Except, he's doing it rather slowly. His eyes aren't even on them despite his hands moving, wrapping them through each little loop. She follows his line of sight for the third time and it once again comes back to the table below, tucked into the corner.

Landon and Josie are sitting across from each other, using their decoration break to figure out how to uncharm the tinsel that one of the coven witches decided to bring to life.

Trying to help them is Hope, flicking through a book and throwing out suggestions.

She can see the awkward tension between the three of them; finding out their history without really remembering it definitely helped with that.

Hope isn't exactly back at the school, only helping out for the holidays since she isn't sure she can go back to New Orleans just yet and isn't able to sleep at Mystic Falls High.

Things almost feel like they used to before Malivore. She keeps to herself as much as she can. Except Landon and Josie both know their past thanks to everything being thrown out into the open a few weeks ago, and Landon doesn't seem to want to let it go, even if he doesn't remember all of the details. 

They seem to be stuck in the same cycle, Lizzie's noticed. Landon sees Hope by herself, invites her to hang out with him and Josie while Josie gives a halfhearted protest before doing the same as Hope and reverting back into the pre-Malivore version of herself. It's almost always awkward whenever Lizzie sees them, exchanging quick looks between the three of them.

It's also frustrating to watch. But no matter how many times she tries to talk to Josie about it, she brushes it off and says she doesn't want to talk about it. A bad sign, for sure.

She even denies it when Lizzie catches her shooting glances at Hope that hold the same subtle, suppressed feelings as it used to. If Lizzie didn't know better, she would say that not remembering Hope has only given Josie the chance to fall head over heels for her all over again.

But of course, Josie won't admit that because she's even more stubborn than she likes to admit, won't get over her brief jealousy, and somehow thinks that it's a betrayal to Landon.

It's as if she can't see that from the moment Landon found out he and Hope used to date, he's gotten all flustered and dorky around her like he used to.

Then again, Josie doesn't remember how things used to be. None of them aside from herself and Hope do.

Which doesn't explain why Kaleb keeps looking over at them like that, and even shaking his head like he's doing now, even rolling his eyes.

Sighing, she closes the book she's been reading. It's Christmas-themed, the third in a series of fantasy books, and a special edition for the holidays.

Her mom sent it over a week ago because there isn't a single bookstore in Mystic Falls and the nearest one is in Richmond.

She supposes she can leave it until her next break. If she forces Hope to work with her instead of sitting around getting all gooey-eyed over Landon and Josie, she might be able to get her part done with faster.

She leaves the book in the chair and walks around to the other side of the library, smiling at MG on the passing.

When she glances behind her, her eyes following him, he's pulling a string of lights from the box in his arms and handing them over to Sebastian. One requirement of him staying is he has to be a team player, and that includes helping out with decorating.

He doesn't seem to mind so much when he's helping MG.

Rolling her eyes, she just continues until she's standing by the table of decorations that Kaleb is currently using. There aren't many left, mostly just a few more strands of tinsel, but once they're done with the library, they still have a few of the classrooms and possibly the study hall and the secondary common room assuming that the other four people on the committee haven't gotten too far on their own.

She picks up a piece of gold tinsel that shimmers a faint purple, glittering with magic. Not a single one of their decorations aren't spelled with magic. Even one of the menorahs has an air of it to make sure the candles can't be blown out too early and to make the oil smell of cinnamon and gingerbread. A treat for the younger ones.

"What are you doing?" she hears Kaleb ask and looks up to find him staring down at her, raising an eyebrow. 

"Asking you the same question," she replies, still pulling the tinsel through her hands, and mirrors his suspicion. "Why do you keep staring at those three when you're supposed to be decorating? This place has to be completely ready for the holidays. That's why we have allocated break times, and you agreed to help out."

Kaleb rolls his eyes. "Do you not see me on this bannister with these damn things? I've strung up at least four of them, and they keep trying to electrocute me. I think you witches need to check out the spells you're using, 'cause I'm not sure they're supposed to do anything other than light up."

"Maybe it's because you're putting them up wrong," she says bluntly.

She eyes the lights in question pointedly, hanging down lower on the second last loop. Only those soft glowing bulbs are flickering, the rest all staying at full brightness. He glances at them and groans, rolling his eyes again.

"Shouldn't you be on your break right now?" he asks, reaching back up and starting to undo the lights, fixing them. "You were hanging decorations for, like, two hours."

Lizzie finally puts the tinsel down, but only to pick up a strangely-coloured reindeer. It must have been one of the ones the younger kids decorated during their art class. It's cute, even with its bright yellow nose and green body.

"I should be," she agrees. "But then you staring at my sister and her hobbit forced me to cut it short. So, I repeat, what are you doing and why does it involve those three?"

Kaleb pauses, sighing as he lets go of the lights. All of the bulbs are glowing now, not even the slightest flicker, coiled perfectly from one end of the beam to the other.

She glances down the rest of the beams and finds the rest of the lights the exact same.

It's a little impressive, she'll admit, as someone who admires good organization and decoration. She's been told she gets it from her mom.

"Why do you care?" he asks, and waves a hand at the table. "I'm nearly done."

She shrugs. "I'm curious."

He stares at her for a moment, but she simply flashes him an overly-sweet smile, refusing to leave. He seems to realize that, and sighs again before hopping down off of the bannister, landing beside her with the ease of a vampire.

"Fine. Landon's just having some issues and he's been talking to me and MG about them." He scans over the remaining decorations for the next most important. "I've been tryna help him out since MG's preoccupied with Dracula over there."

Lizzie snorts at the comment, surprised. She wasn't aware he had much of an opinion on Sebastian, though it's becoming increasingly clear by the twinge of mocking in his voice at the nickname that he's not his biggest fan.

Probably because of MG since everyone else has had no problem falling for his charm as she did and still does, aside from Josie and Hope.

"Help him how?" she asks, her eyebrows furrowing with suspicion. 

"Nah, not happening," he says, shaking his head with a chuckle as picks up the tinsel she had been playing with before. "I'm not breaking his trust like that."

Lizzie rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, but he's stubborn and loyal, and she knows he won't give in.

She glances back over in Landon's direction.

Josie's shifted her seat much closer to Hope's, reading something that she's pointing out in a book situated between them. Landon's watching them with those slightly wide eyes, and his inner struggle is written all over his face and into the soft fondness he's doing a terrible job at hiding. 

She straightens up, her face lighting back up. "Are his issues perhaps centred around my dear sister and his ex?"

Kaleb lifts his head, glancing from her to the three of them. He opens his mouth as if to protest, but she waves a hand.

"Don't worry, you didn't accidentally give anything away with all of your incredibly obvious staring," she assures him, and he presses his lips together, looking mildly unamused. "Josie's been having the same issues. As has Hope. Of course, neither of them are willing to talk about it because of that whole weird awkward thing they've got going on what with everyone's memories still erased."

"So it's not just Landon then," Kaleb says, apparently dropping all pretence as he throws another glance at them.

"No. Honestly, you'd think it wouldn't be that hard for them to work out the very clear solution to this whole mess for themselves," she says, shaking her head along with him. "They're all just too worried about ruining something or someone hating them for them to actually make a move. It's sad."

As she says it, a little voice in the back of her head that her therapist has been trying to help her get better at blocking out points out her mild hypocrisy. For once, it's not entirely wrong. That doesn't mean she's listening to it.

"And that's why I said I'd give Landon a helping hand."

Lizzie's eyes narrow as she turns back to Kaleb only to find him grinning. There's a strange, mischievous glint in his eyes.

"What exactly does that mean? Actually—" she quickly holds up a hand as he starts to answer, "—never mind. I do not want to know. This is a... partially drama-free year for me, and I will not get involved in whatever the hell this is."

"Alright," he says, shrugging it off just like that as he turns back to the decorations. 

She doesn't leave. She watches him pick things up, clearly searching for something. Her mind whirs, and she can't help her eyes darting back to Josie, Landon, and Hope, doubt creeping in.

They could use some help. Maybe just a little push. And she does like the idea of being a Christmas cupid. 

"But, out of curiosity, what did you have in mind?" she asks.

Kaleb chuckles at her quick change of heart but he doesn't address it. 

"Well, seeing as how it's the holidays and all," he says, and nods to the table pointedly, "I was thinking that one of the oldest tricks in the book could work. I don't know what yet. That's why I keep staring at them as you said."

He then nods to the three of them.

"I'm tryna figure out what they'd fall right into without figuring a way out of it."

He pauses, turning back to her with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Do you think truth or dare is too obvious?" 

She makes a face, her eyebrows furrowing. "Yes. Probably, if your plan is to jump right in with it, especially considering the way we play truth or dare. They wouldn't be allowed to lie to any question you ask. As much as I love brutal honesty, I'm not sure that it's the best way to go with this."

"What about charades?"

"Chara—what book are you getting these from? My mom?"

She rolls her eyes and ignores Kaleb mirroring her.

"Why don't you just use mistletoe?" she asks, partially joking. "That's the oldest trick in the book. Trap them with a holiday-themed social convention that's always brushed off, giving them the perfect opportunity to give in to their feelings while also pretending that it's all in the name of holiday spirit."

Kaleb's face lights up. Her eyes widen.

"I wasn't serious," she says, having thought that that was very clear.

She waves a hand in Josie, Landon, and Hope's direction.

"They will never fall for that. Even if you got a witch to spell the mistletoe like they did last year so that they can't just walk away without at least a peck on the cheek, they'll be looking for it everywhere so that they can avoid it!"

"I don't know, I've watched Landon nearly walk into a wall twice and get a bauble stuck in his hair already," Kaleb says, shaking his head with genuine doubt. "They might fall for it."

"Maybe Landon would, but Josie and Hope wouldn't," she counters. "And — what's the plan, anyway? Trap all three of them? Mistletoe doesn't work like that, and honestly, it might be the most awkward thing to force anyone nearby to watch."

Kaleb makes a face at that and doesn't disagree. She's almost smug. Almost.

"Nah, we'd just have to get two of them," Kaleb says as if it should be obvious. "Then, assuming it works and they kiss, they'll end up talking about it with the other one 'cause they don't want anyone feeling bad about any guilt or anything, and then they'll confront their feelings for each other. And then my job is done."

He smirks at her in a way that would usually infuriate her. It does a tiny bit. But at least he actually has a right to his smugness because he makes a good counterargument. She scowls.

"You know that that entire plan revolves around the two that you catch with it not being Josie and Landon, right?" she asks. "And it's about a fifty-fifty chance that any of them would actually talk about this sort of thing. Basically, your plan relies on good timing, them having some sort of moral conscience, and I'm assuming a touch of magic."

Kaleb nods without missing a beat, his smirk never slipping for even a second. 

"Pretty much," he says. "Wanna help?"

Lizzie scoffs, shaking her head at him, the thought completely absurd. Josie is her twin sister, and she trusts her. She couldn't just do something like this that could hurt her or put her in any sort of uncomfortable position. 

Her eyes happen to stray back to their table, making her falter. Josie's relaxed a little more, still beside Hope. They're both grinning now.

It probably has something to do with the glitter shining in Landon's hair as he nods slowly, his unamused expression slipping as he clearly tries to bite back a smile. 

On the other hand, Josie probably wouldn't mind too much. For the first half-hour or so, she'll probably be furious.

But if it really does smooth things out between the three of them and puts an end to the internal conflict and turmoil Josie is clearly suffering through, maybe the ends justify the means in this one particular case.

She sighs but holds out her hand. "Where's the mistletoe?"

Kaleb grins from ear-to-ear. "MG's got it. Gimme a second."

She waits as he walks over to MG while he's in the middle of handing Sebastian another string of lights that he seems to be having some trouble figuring out. He's back in seconds and waving a sprig of mistletoe, biting his lip, his amusement shining.

She rolls her eyes but takes it from him. This could be their worst idea yet or the solution that everyone who's had to spend more than a minute in the bubble of awkward is desperately needing. 

The plan is simple enough. They debate for a few minutes over the best place to hang it; Kaleb insists that the front door is the best, most logical place, but Lizzie argues that either of the entrances in the library makes far more sense since they'll need to use them at some point.

They settle for the main doorway into the first common room. 

Lizzie waves her hand, levitating it into the air. It's easier than attempting to find a ladder. She carefully positions it to hang right in the centre, laying in wait for any unsuspecting couples to walk past. 

"Fun bonus is that it won't just catch those three," Kaleb says as she tilts her head, making sure it's perfect. "We all good? Or you gonna put some fancy invisibility spell on it like you did last year?"

"No, I think it's fine like this," she decides. "It was fun last year, but I don't think we need it. Plus, there would be more chance of Josie getting mad at me for this, especially if it happens to be Hope and Landon who get caught in it."

Kaleb almost winces with sympathy. "Yeah, smart move. Maybe don't tell here you had anything to do with it. At all."

"Oh, trust me," Lizzie turns to him, smirking, "this is all on you."

"Throwing me under the bus?" he asks as he eyes her, feigning insult. "That's how we're playing this?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Lizzie says without so much as batting an eyelash. "Your idea, your responsibility."

"That's why you don't wanna put a spell on it, isn't it?" Kaleb asks, the realization clearly dawning on him as his eyes narrow.

Lizzie decides to play innocent and shrugs, turning and walking down the hallway to head back to the library. Her mouth curves as she hears him follow her, unable to bite back her smirk no matter how hard she tries.

"You knew that Josie and Hope would automatically assume that it was you who did it," he goes on. "Whereas this way, they won't suspect you at all. Giving you the perfect opportunity to tell them it was me without them knowing you had any part in it."

"Okay, I know I'm dramatic and all, but this wasn't some high-stakes heist," she scoffs as he falls into step beside her.

"Says the one who won't have two witches mad at them for tricking them," Kaleb retorts, and Lizzie rolls her eyes. "And, weren't you the one who came up with this plan? I said truth or dare and charades. You suggested mistletoe."

"As a joke!" Lizzie protests, looking at him now. "You're the one who thought it was actually a good idea. Which, I still stand by my initial opinion of it being predictable and has a slim chance of working, especially on—"

"Wait, shh," Kaleb quickly cuts her off, a hand flying out to her shoulder to halt her in her tracks.

She glances at him in confusion to find his eyes wide and a familiar look on his face. It's the one all vampires get when they're listening to something that no one else can hear. 

"What?" she hisses, her eyes darting down the hallway. "Kaleb? What the hell—"

His eyes grow even wider. There's a strange lurch in her stomach like the breath being sucked from her lungs, and then a split second later, she's no longer in the same spot. When she blinks, she's facing down from the end of the hallway that had previously been on her right, half-hidden in the doorway. 

She faintly registers Kaleb's arm half-strung around her for just a moment before it drops, though his hand remains on her shoulder.

Her confusion quickly disappears as Hope, Josie, and Landon come into view, walking down the hallway as they talk. Thankfully, they keep going. For a moment, Lizzie thinks they've gone another way entirely, but Kaleb isn't moving.

She then hears Landon chuckling before he appears again, now just beyond the doorway with the mistletoe hanging in it. 

"I don't know," he says, turning to face Hope and Josie who stop alongside him. "I wouldn't underestimate the power of an evil Santa Claus. I've read about Krampus before. The thing is terrifying. You would really wanna face that?"

Hope rolls her eyes. "We didn't say we would want to. Just that we think we could. I mean," she glances at Josie, the two of them sharing a look between them as she huffs out a partial scoff, "what could it really do?"

"Throw presents at us?" Josie jokes as she grins, and Hope laughs.

"Okay, what part of half-goat, half-demon aren't either of you getting?" Landon asks, throwing his hands out at sides, but his exasperation only seems to fuel their amusement. "It could maul you! To death!"

"As opposed to mauling us to sleep?" Hope questions, tilting her head with mock seriousness.

Landon throws his hands up as it only sets Josie off into laughter. 

"You can joke now, but you won't be when Krampus shows up here on Christmas Eve," he warns, even pointing a finger at them. 

Lizzie scoffs under her breath and turns to look at Kaleb as he arches an eyebrow, a look of puzzled amusement passing between them. She thought that Landon was already weird, but somehow he continues to find a new level.

Kaleb quickly nods for her to turn back and she does, just in time to watch Landon walk forward. Through the doorway.

Josie shrugs. "I still think we could take him."

Hope almost giggles as Landon stops and turns back around to stare at Josie as if she's grown two heads. 

"You two are both insane," he declares, earning him a roll of Josie's eyes as she steps forward.

Lizzie holds her breath, her eyes widening as she and Kaleb watch them.

Landon's already too far into the common room to be successfully caught in the mistletoe unless he decides to move back over to them. He stays where he is, though, as Josie lingers in the doorway, the mistletoe hanging right above her head.

"Come on," Hope says, and finally takes a step closer to them. Right beside Josie.

Excitement flutters in Lizzie's stomach as she glances to the mistletoe. 

"You really think evil Santa Claus is worse than any of the monsters we've already faced?" Hope asks. "We've literally had a small army of them come after us at once. I'm pretty sure we could handle one goat-demon."

Landon starts to shake his head, groaning. "It's not just a goat-demon, though! I mean, it sort of is, but—"

"Hey," Kaleb calls out, cutting him off. 

Lizzie's eyes widen impossibly further, quickly turning to stare at him as if he's just turned into the goat-demon Landon's going on about.

He doesn't even glance at her, though, a smirk on his lips, ever the epitome of casual nonchalance as all three more sets of eyes turn on him.

"Might wanna look up," he says to Josie and Hope, his eyebrows raising.

Confusion flickers across their faces, but Landon's already taking his advice. Hope and Josie quickly follow at his slightly stilted intake of breath.

Their eyes land on the mistletoe and Lizzie can see them both stiffen, going completely still. She's not even sure they breathe for a good few seconds. 

They slowly look back down until their eyes lock. The hesitation and uncertainty is written all over their faces as they don't make a move. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all, Lizzie thinks, considering how well they were just getting along compared to how utterly quiet and awkward they are once again.

"It's a dumb holiday tradition," Hope says, shrugging as she offers a small, clearly forced smile. "We don't have to."

Lizzie groans quietly under her breath. Thankfully, neither of them notice as Josie falters, her lips parting but no words coming out.

"I knew I should never have let you talk me into this," Lizzie says, turning to Kaleb. "It sounded like a bad idea, and surprise, surprise, it was. I should have just let you play your game of truth or dare."

"Let me once again remind you that I never talked you into this," Kaleb says, shaking his head. "You offered. And," his eyes dart back to Josie and Hope, "look! It's not that bad. I think it might actually be working."

"Did you two set this up?" Landon asks, his eyes narrowing at them in disbelief, clearly hearing just about every word. 

"Of course not," Lizzie says, but he's still staring at her with that look on his face, and she caves, rolling her eyes. "Well, someone had to do something! You three are so awkward around each other that everyone else can feel it, and it's driving us all crazy! We just thought you could use... you know, a little push in the right direction."

"So much for throwing me under the bus," Kaleb mutters, a smug note to his voice. 

Lizzie turns her head to glare at him.

"Then here's a push for you," Josie now says, a slight smirk to her lips. She moves her hand in a familiar motion. "Look up."

Lizzie's stomach drops. She and Kaleb both listen, staring at the frame of the doorway. A green leaf starts to materialize as if out of thin air, and then there's a full sprig with white berries hanging right above them, now uncloaked.

"Did you know that was there?" Kaleb asks without looking away from the mistletoe.

"No," she says. "I didn't."

Her heart has changed its pace, no longer a slight jump of worry at Josie being mad at her, but hitting against her ribs as the realization comes crashing down on her. A flurry of what she can only describe as wings starts up in her stomach, pressing against every little nervous button inside of her. 

She groans in her head. Of course this is happening. She got so momentarily caught up in helping him with his plan, with helping Josie, and Hope, and Landon, that it was so easy for her feelings for Kaleb to slip to the back of her mind instead of pulling at her for her attention like they've been doing everytime she sees him.

The possibility of accidentally ending up under the mistletoe with the guy she likes somehow never crossed her mind. Too much really has been going on lately.

Her eyes dart back at Josie just as Hope leans in, pressing a light kiss to her cheek. It sends Josie's eyes wide, and she practically freezes.

Lizzie scowls. Of course they would go along with it. Now she can't back out of it.

She forces herself to look at Kaleb to find him already watching her. That does nothing good for her heartbeat. 

Raising a shoulder in a shrug, she offers a smile that she desperately hopes doesn't convey the mess of feelings inside of her right now.

"See? Oldest trick in the book. It even got us."

Kaleb chuckles at that, nodding as he glances away. Her heart skips a beat as he bites his bottom lip for a split second.

When his eyes move back to her, she quickly holds onto them, refusing to look anywhere else. She has been doing so well for the last few weeks. A damn plant can't be about to throw her whole promise to herself and plan about no crushes away, surely. 

"Just a social convention, right?" Kaleb says, a smile playing on his lips. She tries not to focus on that.

"Yeah, totally," she agrees, smiling back.

He nods once then pauses for just a second before he starts to lean in. Air catches in Lizzie's throat, and for another split second, she thinks that maybe this won't be a big deal. Maybe she's underestimating herself.

She meets him halfway, her eyes closing before she even moves. The second their lips meet, she knows she's screwed.

Maybe if he wasn't a good kisser or if her skin didn't immediately heat up, feeling as if it's catching fire. But for the few seconds that it takes for them to pull apart, the mistletoe still hanging tauntingly above them, Lizzie knows her feelings weren't all in her head.

She pulls back slowly, letting her eyes open. Kaleb's already looking at her. Or gazing, she supposes, as her stomach ties itself in a knot and her heart beats like a butterfly's wings.

"Not so bad, was it?" he says, his tone joking but a genuine smile curving his lips once more.

"Not at all," she breathes softly and shrugs. "All in the name of the holiday spirit." 

Kaleb raises an eyebrow. "I thought people only said that when they're pretending it's not a big deal? Your words."

"Yeah, and I was right." 

She doesn't wait for the realization to kick in. She winds a hand around to the back of his neck and surges back in.

There's a time-stopping moment of worry on her part and surprise on his when her lips are on his and she questions what the hell she's doing.

Then he's kissing her back, not just for the mistletoe that's already starting to disappear again, its goal achieved. Her entire plan goes out of the window.

With the chance of rejection decreasing with every second that Kaleb doesn't pull away, she thinks that maybe she doesn't need to refrain from a relationship for the rest of the semester. 

Kaleb isn't Rafael and he isn't Sebastian.

There's no reason that this can't work out.

She curses in her mind at the realization that she might have to give credit to a freaking plant and those three oblivious idiots who have already left, laughing their asses off.

[gffa]

Here’s how good STAR WARS fandom has been this last month: I still have half of Queen’s Shadow to read and yet fic still manages to pull me away and distract me with all these wonderful stories! Sometimes happy and sometimes heartbreaking and sometimes just really fascinating worldbuilding, the fandom has been pretty damn amazing this month and I would like to yell about all these feelings the Star Wars fic has given me with everyone. You know how, when you’ve read a good fic, and you get that sated, lazy, warm tingly in your brain feeling because everything is just so good? That was me about a dozen different times this last month, every time I would go on a fic-reading binge and I need to share that with everyone who will listen for at least five minutes. STAR WARS FIC RECS: TIME TRAVEL RECS: ✦ I thought I fought this war alone by stonefreeak, obi-wan & qui-gon & cast, time travel, 3.7k    Obi-Wan is thirteen years old, just about to start learning Ataru from his Master. Obi-Wan is sixty-one years old, dead and one with the Force since four years back. Obi-Wan is both, and neither. ✦ Grave Accents by primeideal, anakin & leia & mace, time travel, 1.5k    In retrospect, Mace decided, it had mostly been Qui-Gon’s fault. He was measured enough not to blame the master for the entire state of affairs; after all, it was not Qui-Gon but chance or the will of the Force that had brought young Leia to Jedha. ✦ The Road Is Made By Walking by the_rck, obi-wan/luke (maybe), time travel, 6.9k    Eventually, it occurred to Obi-Wan that figuring out Luke’s motives might be some sort of test. Simply understanding that it was a test would mean accepting that Luke was a teacher. ✦ Runaway by Fairleigh, luke & shmi, time travel, 1.2k    Shmi Skywalker befriends a boy who has run away from home. PREQUELS RECS: ✦ Master by CJinn, obi-wan & anakin, 27.5k    Obi-Wan Kenobi had always wanted to become a Jedi Knight. What he didn’t expect was to become a Master merely days after his own Master died. Adapting to his new role as the mentor and Master of the quite unusual Padawan Anakin Skywalker became a bumpy road. ✦ Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi by stonefreeak, obi-wan & anakin & padme & palpatine & bail & cast, 6.8k wip    By an old Republic law, all members of the Jedi High Council are senators in the Galactic Senate, and can thus be voted in as chancellor. ✦ Am Bushed by SingManyFaces, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & rex, 1.6k    During the war, sometimes special tactics are required to make sure The Team gets the sleep it needs. ✦ A little idle talk of this and that by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan & iroh & aang & cast, 4k    On his way to Tatooine with Luke, Obi-Wan makes an unexpected stop for tea in Ba Sing Se. ✦ Ghosts of the Present by randomlyimagine, obi-wan & yoda & caleb & siri & plo & aayla & jedi & cast, 8.2k wip    Every single Jedi killed during Order 66 becomes a Force ghost, often before their bodies even hit the floor. ✦ The First Trial by Raven_Knight, obi-wan & qui-gon, 2k    Accompanied by his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, young Obi-Wan Kenobi undergoes his first trial and rite as a Padawan Learner on the frozen planet of Ilum. ✦ adust by TheFreakWithTheWings, obi-wan & anakin, ~1k    adust: scorched, burned; Obi-Wan had never liked to think of himself as cruel. Practical, yes. Ruthless, sometimes. ✦ untitled by stonefreeak, anakin & ahsoka & yoda & cast, 2.7k    Returning to the Temple seems almost unreal. Despite everything going on in the galaxy, the Temple has always been a point of calm, the eye of the storm. But now when Anakin walks these familiar halls again—his second home, the one not build of sand and stone in the hottest of deserts, and not the one in an upper Coruscant apartment that smells of perfume—it seems as if the very air of it has changed. ✦ Arrival by CJinn, obi-wan & yoda & cast, 2.6k    Little Obi-Wan was only a few days old when he was brought to the Jedi Temple. His arrival caused some confusion among the Jedi. ✦ Trembling Brightness by Pandora151, obi-wan & ahsoka & cast, 2.3k    “I watched you die—twice. And I just can’t go through that again.” ✦ What Should Be by LessAttitudeMoreAltitude, mace & depa, 1.2k    Depa expresses concern about the effect this war is having on her padawan. ✦ The Song in the Soil by Ria Talla (ronia), aayla & quinlan, 3.1k    He had asked her to stay below in the ship, so she wouldn’t know where they were going, and then to wrap the cloth over her eyes before she could get a glimpse of where they’d landed. He always asked. And Aayla never turned down a challenge. ✦ The Lawful by Raven_Knight, obi-wan/satine & bo-katan & cast, NSFW, 4.2k    With the help of Bo-Katan, certain things go a little differently after Obi-Wan Kenobi arrives to rescue Satine from Darth Maul’s clutches. ✦ Don’t Bring a Blaster to a Lightsaber Fight by FireflyFish, obi-wan & anakin & luke & han & rey & dooku & maul & palpatine, 2.9k    a.k.a A Weekly Meetup for Local Force Users OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ Wish upon a star by Paper_cut, obi-wan/anakin, modern au, 4.3k    Obi-Wan buys a lamp, gets much more than just a genie. ✦ Ashes of the Republic by mewgirl1995, obi-wan/anakin & obi-wan/padme (& some anakin/padme) & luke & leia & ahsoka & cast, nsfw, 96.7k    In the chaos of the fall of the Republic, the Jedi Temple is destroyed, hiding all evidence of what happened there. In order to protect the Chosen One’s children, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padmé Amidala flee into hiding, hoping that they can find Anakin again. Meanwhile, Vader searches for those that he hopes will still be loyal to him and the new Emperor. ✦ The Missing Part by Nightstar269, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 36.8k wip    Anakin Skywalker, a student of mechanical engineering, has always felt that his life was lacking something, a feeling that was made much worse with the deaths of his mother first, and of the woman he loved some time later. Still haunted by the pain and heartbreak, he tries to go on with his life as well as he can. When an initiative of the director of the university has the students attending the classes of another degree so as to enrich their knowledge, he will meet someone that will turn his world upside down. ✦ The Devil’s Own by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & cast, regency au, 11.1k wip    Some whisper the Skywalker family is the devil’s own, and no tutors in the area will take on the orphaned Lord, a young man famous for his excessive drinking, riding, and dueling. The townspeople shake their heads at the arrival of the latest tutor, a London scholar out of money and other options, wondering how long it will be before this Kenobi is run out like all the rest. ✦ Sear me pale sun by liv_k, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, bittersweet themes, 9.8k    “So here we are, a failed Jedi, a Sith, and our imminent deaths. I leave it to you to choose how we will meet our demise, whether fighting or doing something else entirely.” ✦ Bedroom Hymns by orphan_account, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, spanking, bondage, bdsm, d/s, 26.6k wip    Anakin Skywalker is a young student with some kinky interests, and his search for a Dom leads him to Obi-Wan, a former professional. Obi-Wan has retired, but their purely professional kinky relationship changes the lives of both men. How long can they keep it professional? And what happens when they start falling for each other? ✦ Across the Darkness by xpityx, obi-wan/anakin & anakin/padme & rex & cast, 16.2k wip    Obi-Wan knew they had hit the temple’s inner security measures when Anakin went from calm to clutching both Obi-Wan and his lightsaber between one step and the next. ✦ Miasma by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & rex & cody & fives & kix & cast, dark themes, 15.2k wip    Obi-Wan never believed his best friend and lover Anakin would die first. But he has. ✦ Physical Examination of a Submissive by orphan_account, obi-wana/anakin/padme, NSFW, medical kink, d/s, 2.7k    Anakin’s partners want to make sure he’s nice and healthy. ✦ What An Expensive Fate by FromDreamstoEmpires, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW sith!obi-wan, 1.3k    Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him, “But you like it when I tell you what to do.” He said softly, hand pulling on his curls until Anakin was forced to look at him, “Don’t you, sweetheart?” ✦ Shaak Herding for the Troubled and Lonely by protos_metazu_ison (larkspyt), obi-wan/anakin & anakin/padme & ahsoka, 22.4k wip    Disgraced Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was content to live out the rest of his life as a hermit until the Prime Minister appeared at his door, begging him to attend the Skywalker clan’s annual party. While reluctant to re-enter society, Obi-Wan’s always wanted to meet Anakin Skywalker, the most powerful Force-user in the galaxy. ✦ Things we never said by Gondolin, obi-wan/anakin, ~1k    “Stop lecturing me for ten seconds and think of yourself! I swear you plan to die still lecturing me. Well, you might as well give up now and rest, because I care, I care, I care! And it doesn’t matter how bad a Jedi this makes me.” ✦ To have and to hold by Gondolin, obi-wan/anakin, 1.5k    “Obi-Wan…” he whispers, focusing on that Force signature that shines like a beacon in the endless night of deep space. ✦ baby, put on heart-shaped sunglasses by destiny919, obi-wan/anakin & palpatine, 1.2k    Palpatine: I’d like to talk to Anakin. Obi-Wan, feeding Anakin bon bons while they lay on a plush chaise lounge: Tragic ✦ Soul by Gondolin, obi-wan/anakin, soulmate au, ~1k    Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He should trust the other Knight. He could trust him. He wasn’t a misbehaving child. “Is there a legitimate reason why you won’t accept my help?” ORIGINAL TRILOGY RECS: ✦ No Snowmen on Tatooine by HiNerdsItsCat (HiLarpItsCat), obi-wan & anakin & luke & han & chewbacca, 2.6k    Luke Skywalker spent his entire childhood on a desert planet. He might be a hero of the Rebellion and strong in the Force, but he isn’t handling the freezing temperatures on Hoth well at all. Thirty years earlier, Anakin Skywalker is in the exact same location… and having the exact same problem. REBELS RECS: ✦ Chess Across the Galaxy by ambiguously, hera & thrawn, 2.7k    Thrawn has his favorite opponent in his custody at last, and he has an offer for her. ✦ The Sea Has Ten Thousand Names by ambiguously, kallus/zeb, 2.6k    Living on a new planet is hard when you don’t know the language. SEQUELS RECS: ✦ we are here and it is now by victoria_p (musesfool), anakin & rey & luke, 3.5k    “So either you’re not here or you’re not living,” she says. “I’m definitely here,” he replies, and there’s amusement in his voice. ✦ find your way (back) by glorious_clio, rose & paige, 2.1k    Paige and Rose are separated by five years and not much else. As a unit, they navigate the rise of the First Order on Hays Minor, and their eventual evacuation and separation from their beloved parents. But they trust in each other and in the future. ✦ Flyboys by ambiguously, poe/jacen, nsfw, 18k    Poe Dameron goes to the Academy, learns to fly, and falls in love a lot. As you do. ✦ That’s Not How the Force Works by imaginary_golux, anakin & han & ben, ~1k    Han wakes up as a Force ghost, and decides to go and have a few words with his son. FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE!

[fyeahwonderbat]

Keywords #7

Theme: Commitment Rating: PG / T Word Count: 1,635 words

As he held Diana in his arms, Bruce stared down the man who claimed to be a god, the lord of death, the ruler of the Underworld. Having lived his entire life haunted by the two exact instances where his parents were gunned down by some lowly criminal in Gotham City, it dawned on him when he met those cool grey eyes that every moment of his life meant that he had been fighting this one man in some way or another. He didn’t believe in mythology or even in religion and so his take on the afterlife was much more morbid than the average person could take. However, when he gazed upon the physical embodiment of loss - of the grief he lived with for all but eight years of his miserable life - it staggered the typically composed Batman.

“Barry,” He murmured low under his breath.

“On it.” Whispered back the speedster as he lowered himself into his racing pose. Bruce felt the static in the air against the lower half of his face just before the Flash vanished from sight. 

It was at that moment that Diana tried to rise up onto her feet, obstructing his view of the Godkiller disappearing from its position in Hades’ throat, disappointing him to some degree. By the time she had risen, Barry had returned with the sword in hand and he immediately presented to Wonder Woman. She would have taken it from him, had she not been distracted by the helping hand the shot out at her, garnering the attention of everyone in their presence.

“Diana,” Hippolyta choked on her daughter’s name and it managed to stir something in Bruce’s gut. Just as she had in the great hall of Themyscira, the queen tried and failed to remain composed in a moment when her heart strings were being tugged. In front of him, the woman he had come to see as a warm and passionate partner now looked like nothing more than a wax figure of herself, incapable of moving or reacting to what or who was right in front of her. 

For once, he couldn’t be accused of ruining an emotional moment, as Hades took it upon himself to ruminate aloud, “How long has it been since an Amazon has come into my chambers? Not since her highness i believe, has one of your kind approached me so openly, begging for my… aid.” 

“Scan complete,” a computerized voice muttered in Bruce’s ear piece, along with comms of every other League members’. “No vital signs detected. Oxygen levels: zero. Heart rate: zero bpm.” Victor’s ability to examine Hades from across the chamber did very little for them other than confirm what they already knew. Still, Batman always relied on scientific avenues of research before he allowed himself to believe in the fantastical. 

The god of the Underworld could not be slain like his brothers and sisters it would seem.

Having no foreseeable way to defeat him only enraged Diana further and she stomped her foot forward in an agitated stride as she screamed, “Don’t you say another word!”

“No, I will not be silenced in my own home,” Hades barked back. “I’ve waited centuries to once again have such arousing company.”

“That only proves that you were a fool to choose Persephone over me.” Hecate growled venomously. She had retained her animal-like mannerisms since Bruce had last seen her and it made him worry to himself over what she might do to them should she ever see the Justice League as her enemy. 

Before he could dare antagonize the seething goddess further, Hippolyta walked a few paces ahead of her daughter and demonstrated the exact sort of domination he expected from her. “That’s quite enough. These foolish games you’re playing have garnered the attention you so desperately craved. If you want to see your regency unharmed, I advise you to remain silent and allow us to depart in peace.”

“What!?” Hecate’s screech reverberated off of the many stony edges in the Underworld, her immense displeasure palpable by every single person present. The queen held out her hand in the direction of the infuriated witch, her elbow bent so as to appear less authoritative and more sincere. Then, she carried on. “I warn you now, Hades. We have all lived without our gods for many years, and should you choose to challenge the forces of the Amazons and these heroes of mankind, you will be reduced to the very same state as your brothers and sisters: dead--”

The mere mention of death made him cackle at the proud queen. For a man who appeared to be so lifeless, his amusement only made him seem even more sick and twisted. Everything about Hades reminded Bruce of the horrible villains he dealt with in Gotham - drunk on their own power and existing solely to torture others. “Pitiful Hippolyta! To think that you would have the gall to threaten me? We both know that none of you could stand in my way, no matter what it is I plan to do.” “And what is this plan of yours?” Bruce challenged him with the same amount of aggression he usually reserved for the Joker. He walked up to Diana’s side and simplified his inquiry for the man who enjoyed dodging whatever it was they said to him. “Why make some demon army just to leave alone to kill each other in Russia?”

The interrogation amused Hades, and he knew it. “To grow stronger in a human-made cesspool of energy.”

“Why!?” demanded the Batman. While he panted after releasing such a harsh shout, the lord of the Underworld stared at him with an eerie smile on his face. He even looked past the Amazonian queen to stare into Bruce’s soul, almost as if he was communicating the answer he sought through the silence that befell them all. But no, he realized soon enough that he didn’t say a word because he didn’t need to. “You know, don’t you?”

“Know what?” Asked Hecate, panic in her tone.

“Indeed I do.” Hades confirmed.

“What do you know?” Taking a step backwards, Hippolyta turned to face Bruce at a proper angle as she looked to him for an answer.

Eyeing Diana, he decided if it was best for her to decide if her mother needed to know what it was the League was made for, or why she was on a team with superpowered men. Diana appeared grateful a mere second before she acknowledged her mother and explained, “There is a threat coming to Earth from beyond the cosmo, from another world.”

“It’s why you have your precious team,” Hades acknowledged with an unflattering sneer. “To protect this planet from the reach of those who wish to claim us all as theirs to control. I will not be anyone’s subject. I will take control over the Earth before I allow an alien to take what is rightfully mine!”

“None of us are YOURS!” 

“You have no right to the Earth!”

“How dare you threaten all of mankind!”

So many cries of disapproval and trepidation sounded off once he had admitted to his scheme, but that wasn’t what Bruce had his focus geared towards. No, all he could think about was the probability of a mythological god defeating an alien that commanded a legion of creatures like Doomsday. He fretted instantly over the lives that would be lost between two almighty forces colliding if they made the earth their battleground. All he heard was more and more chaos spilling out of Hades lips and he couldn’t stop himself from spewing out some tactless words of his own, “Those monsters you made are nothing compared to the alien that Diana and I have already faced.”

Once more, Hades zeroed in on the anxious Bruce and paid him the closest attention. With a tilt of his head, his leer somehow became even darker, even more devastating as he lifted his hand into the air. “Those ‘monsters’ were merely for the numbers. What I have in my grasps is all I truly need.” Then, he snapped his fingers loudly enough to rival the sound of Hecate’s shrill wailing. 

Bruce was prepared to deliver to him the very same snide remark about how his plan would fail, about how there was no secret weapon to overcoming the monsters that could descend upon them from outer space. 

Until he heard a familiar boom in the distance. He had no idea which direction it came from. All he knew was that one moment there was only Hades glaring at him. 

And then next, there was a reincarnated Superman hovering at the lord of the Underworld’s side.

Bruce heard Diana gasp with the exact same amount of shock that he was feeling, but he had his breath stolen from him at the sight of their deceased friend under the influence of Hades. The entire purpose that the two of them had made the Justice League was gather together the strongest people on Earth and protect it, in Clark’s memory. Their shared commitment to Superman, to Lois, to the human race was meant to carry on the promise he’d once made to Superman: to save.

“Diana,” his voice broke as he said her name, as did his conviction.

“Bruce,” she replied with the confidence in her voice that he needed to rely on in that moment. Within the depths of the Underworld that he never thought could exist, locking eyes with the friend he believed he’d never see again, the only one who could pull him out of his stupor was her. And she did just by saying his name. 

That’s why they were a team.

That’s how they were going to defeat the unkillable god of death.

Together, with their team.

To be continued...

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode three

Let me start off by congratulating the producers – not you Ish – on this great episode. I finally feel like we’re back to THE SHOW. Not a weird Bachelor spin-off with minimal drama and blatantly horrible editing (see: Juliette’s grad party scene, where Chloe’s nails change color DURING THE PARTY.) Nope, we’re done with that and back to the good stuff, so on that note, let’s cut to the feeling.

Come ON MTV it’s like you weren’t even trying. And yes, I created this, and no, I don’t have a life.

I know I’m going to like an episode when it starts off with the angelic sounds of my lord and savior, Ariana Grande. As break up with ur girlfriend, i’m bored plays, we zoom into Cara’s house. Personally, I’m hoping to see Victoria. Alas – it’s just Cara…and Garrett. God, Garrett STOP. Your ex-girlfriend has already outlined exactly how Cara is using you – since she did the exact same thing - and you’re still asking Cara on dates? This is so cringe. Where’s Victoria?!

Even though Garrett can’t score a date, Brandon can! Maybe instead of asking Cara to go look at babies, you should ask her to rollerblade, G Baby. As Amanda and Brandon glide around the Key, we learn that Brandon is celebrating his 24th birthday on Friday! And it’s “24, Like, Karat Gold Slash, Like, Pirate, Sort Of” themed, of course! He debates whether or not to invite Juliette while giving us viewers amazing helmet safety tips. Meanwhile, after Cara has removed G Baby from her property, she makes her way to Chloe’s to checkuppé on her. This is where we learn that Chloe has officially called the cops and filed a police report. I have a lot of opinions, but more on this later.

Okay, something I haven’t touched on because I wish it wasn’t happening I haven’t had time is that Kelsey and Jared have sparked a little romance. If you don’t remember, while Kelsey was dating her random LA boyfriend, Jared was the 86th person she cheated on him with. I see this going well! I mean, it always works out when you leave someone you cheated on for the person you cheated with. Right? Plus, there’s Twisted Tea and mudding involved, so Kelsey can rest assured she’ll be going on sophisticated and expensive dates instead of the shitty and poor dates that Garrett used to take her on.

FINALLY, the C + V scene I need and deserve. Donning a black one-piece that contrasts perfectly with her frozen fruity pink drink, Victoria is effortlessly exuding two polar opposite, chaotic energies. I’m getting “sassy”, but I’m also getting “I’ll fuck you up if you insult my 90’s Quiksilver skater shoes.” AKA, I’m getting Avril during the Girlfriend era. And I love it. As she floats next to Cara in the pool and shockingly proclaims that she’s not into guys, (what?!) I’m on my knees praying to God himself that she become a main cast member vis-à-vis a relationship with Cara. It’s Victoria’s show, and we’re all just living in it, baby. After Cara’s bizarre comment about how her parents punish her by locking her in their wine cellar (weird flex, but okay) Victoria giggles about how dumb Garrett is and we move on.

We leave C and V for a Madisson and Kelsey reunion, but it’s not a happy one. Madisson delivers the unfortunate news that Chloe may be pressing charges. Oh no! I would be really upset by this, but I can’t focus on the content of Madisson’s words because of how she’s delivering them. Madisson, we fully understand that you’ve been to an acting class in LA because you won’t shuttupé about it, so you can stop over-enunciating everything that comes out of your mouth. Thanks!

After Kelsey tells Juliette about her impending stint in Florida prison, she gets understandably upset. Luckily, Boring Robby is there to teach Juliette how to apologize. Don’t say he never did anything for her! I want to point out that Kelsey truly has been redeeming herself this season. She’s been pretty level headed and a very good friend. If only Boring Robby could do the same… Later in the day, Kelsey confronts Robby about another thing Madisson spilled during their meetup. Apparently, while Juliette was fighting everyone last week, Boring Robby had the audacity to applaud her! How gauche. Boring Robby vehemently denies these claims, saying, “Always take the high road, because the low road is way too crowded,” and, “Silence is the best way to react to a fool, and happiness is the best revenge.” First of all, stop lying about things that were FILMED on national television. You’re now Boring Robby: The Liar. Second of all, why are you the human embodiment of my ninth grade Pinterest quotes board?

Grab your pillows and sleeping bags because we are heading to a SLUMBER PARTY! But before anyone can start braiding each other’s hair, Chloe begins to stir the pot, yet again. She delights in bringing up Brandon and Amanda’s new relationship right in front of Madisson. But to distract from the awkwardness, Amanda changes the subject to her missing phone. After the fight, she lost her phone and no one has been able to find it. She starts to give us a play-by-play analysis of why and how she thinks Boring Robby: The Liar stole it. I’m sorry, am I watching Joe Goldberg on You, or am I watching Amanda on Siesta Key? 

It’s the day of the BG’s bday, and I’m so excited to see everyone’s 24 Karat Gold Slash Like Pirate themed outfits! They don’t disappoint - G Baby and Victoria are even matching!! I’ve never screamed so loudly in my life. Garrett obviously refuses to drink, and we’re off to the party. But first, there’s one guest who needs to arrive.

As Alex descends from his family’s PJ strapped with Louis luggage, a BEER, and fresh digs straight from the Siesta Key mall, I can feel the blood coming back into my body. I can feel individual atoms multiplying. I can feel my soul re-entering my empty, hollow frame. I feel exactly like Bella in the fourth Twilight novel, Breaking Dawn. After her half-human, half-vampire baby has eaten its way out of her uterine lining, Edward is forced to do the unthinkable: steal Bella’s mortal soul by turning her into a vampire so she has a shot to survive. (It’s the second time in the series that vampire Edward is forced to resist sucking all of Bella’s enticing blood to save her – that’s true love.) As she starts to respond to his venom, each and every one of her cells begins to freeze over and restore life to her body. Suddenly, she is awake. Her vision is sharp, her mind is clear, and she’s never looked better. And that’s EXACTLY how I felt as Alex exited his plane.

I expect nothing less than for Alex to arrive at BG’s party with three underage Ukrainian mail-order brides. And he doesn’t disappoint. Unfortunately for the brides, he immediately begins discussing relationships with Cara. It’s fun to see Cara pride herself in not cheating on people for the past year. I kind of feel like that should be a given, but okay. As they’re undressing each other with their eyes talking, Garrett is having an interesting convo of his own. Classic Chloe starts stirring the pot AGAIN by telling Garrett that Cara is using him. Really Chloe? Cara is supposed to be your best friend. What’s more shocking is that VICTORIA starts to betray Cara as well. This causes an immediate fight between Carrett. They leave the party and start screaming at each other in the jungle. I’m so enraptured by the fight that I momentarily forget they’re at a themed party and fixate on Garrett’s outfit. Why am I watching Garrett Miller scream in a jungle dressed as a pirate? Oh, right. Anyways.

Even though Cara and G Baby are scream fighting, the party continues to rage on. And everyone is makingoutté. Kelsey and Jared, Amanda and Brandon... something is in the air! It must be the pirate theme. #LetsGetScurvy. But one person isn’t feeling the love – Madisson. With Dad gone, she has no one to kish. Clearly bothered by watching her friend and ex-boyfriend eat each other’s faces, Madisson decides to give Brandon the sad news that Amanda is using him. Whether or not she is, Madisson has no right to give her opinion on the matter. And BG says exactly that. Good for him! Another person surprisingly not making out with someone is Alex. He’s too busy being an asshole to Kelsey and telling anyone who will listen that Boring Robby is bad news. Probably true, but literally no one can be worse than he is, except maybe Pauly Paul. In other news, WHERE IS PAUL.

Unfortunately, the next scene doesn’t involve Pauly or Victoria – just Chloe and Juliette. Juliette shows up after Chloe gets out of work to hopefully avoid jailtime hash things out. Now strap in because I’m about to explain exactly where I stand with the Chloe/Juliette drama, and if you aren’t completely focused, please take a 10mg Adderall, wait ten minutes, and check back in.

Okay, hopefully, you’ve taken amphetamines and can really dial in. Here goes: I realize that Chloe is a necessary evil - it’s an indisputable fact that there would be no show without her antics. No one is as shameless when it comes to talking shit and completely ruining their friendships for the sake of television. And for that, I deeply respect Chloe. (I realize that sounds sarcastic but I am dead serious. Thank you for taking one for the team, Chloe.) But I simply cannot stand when she gets what’s coming to her then plays the innocent victim. Obviously, violence is not cool, and Juliette should be embarrassed by her behavior. But Chloe knew exactly what the outcome of that conversation would be. She was banking on a wasted Juliette reacting horribly. With Chloe, you simply cannot win. Earlier in this episode, Chloe verbatim says to Madisson and Cara, “If the roles were reversed, I would have shown up at her house, apologizing.”

Now cut to this scene, where Chloe verbatim says to Juliette (after Juliette shows up at her workplace) “I really don’t know why you’re here, so if you can please leave and leave me alone.”

Juliette said it best herself – “Chloe is my best friend when I’m miserable. When I’m actually thriving…this type of stuff happens.” Let’s take a moment to analyze the similarities and differences of how Chloe and the rest of the cast handled Chloe’s altercation with Amanda during season one, in which Amanda broke Chloe’s nose and sent her to surgery. After sending Chloe to the hospital, Amanda justifies her actions by saying that Chloe started it first. So everyone is okay with Amanda decking Chloe. The fact is, Chloe started it first here, too. Chloe swatted at Juliette’s hand first. So why did everyone grab coffee with Amanda, but ostracize Juliette? Amanda even had a sit-down conversation with Chloe after her surgery expecting Chloe to apologize. The inconsistencies and hypocrisy present…I CANNOT.

Chloe acts like everyone’s best friend to stay relevant and betrays them the second it benefits her. While I do agree that Juliette is only apologizing because she’s scared Chloe will press charges, I think people who talk shit, unfortunately, get hit, on occasion. Until next week!

[novaent]

** This episode was uploaded at 12PM on Nova Entertainment’s official YouTube channel.

It all starts with the happy song chosen as the opening theme. After the animation gets its moment of shine, the trainees appear again in their broken line. The news of what their positions meant was already shared and now they all knew what the risks were for the following weeks. The only thing left to share was what exactly they’d need to do.

Hyun Bin leans back, looking around at the coaches beside him. “You must be curious what will be given to you this month, so I’ll let the coaches take over.” Yonghwa nods along before speaking. “Unlike the previous month, every week will be completed with a group performance instead of a solo. Your group mates are the ones in the same zone as you are, totaling in four different groups. The theme for this week is time travel.”

There’s a grin on Hyemi’s lips before she takes over. “That’s right. No one will be traveling through time, but we will be attempting. Each week, the groups will have to choose a song from a different time period to perform. Since the '10s are coming to an end with this year of 2019, it’s the best time to do it. The first week will have to be from the ‘90s, the second week from the ‘00s and the third from the '10s.”

“The fourth week, of course, will be explained on a later date,” Minsoo adds in the finishing details. “We’ll keep monitoring you, of course, and assisting you on your training. If I were you, I’d make sure to work extra hard.” Hyun Bin prepares to say the finishing words. “So work hard, or it’ll be your last month here and a missed opportunity at debut.”

A voice somewhere screams cut, a part of recording never showed before in the other episodes. The cameras zoom in a couple of staff members as they rush towards the trainees while holding colorful things in their hands. While they start handing them out, Hyun Bin’s voice takes over until the scene eventually completely changes into a drawing. “To differenciate the trainees between SAFE and DANGER, each of them will have to wear a colorful vest that represents their current position. RED means DANGER; BLUE means SAFE, and GOLD shows who did the best the previous month. It impossible to wear red twice as such thing leads to elimination, but the vests may still change owners after the next evaluation.” Different scenes show the trainees putting their vests on for the first time and then it all just cuts completely.

Ricky appears on his chair wearing the bright yellow as it was his right. “How does the gold vest feel?” The voice questions it. “Ah, this…” The boy lets out a quiet sheepish laugh, gaze falling somewhere below the right corner of the screen. “It’s heavy, to be honest.” He nods. “Not actually heavy, but… it feels really symbolic… maybe of my time training. It’s sort of like a big sign that says I have to do extra well or what’s the point? I mean… we all have to do well but it’s sort of like I have to do perfect. It’s not burdensome, but I feel like I have to keep working to prove, to myself too, that I deserve it.”

This time its Chaeyoung with the same colored vest on to indicate the title that she had won. “How do you feel about the results last month?” They ask her and she crosses her arms. “When I was standing there, I was feeling uneasy at first. During that time, I kept thinking, ‘is he going to leave me last?’ or ‘maybe I wasn’t surprising enough?’. I really didn’t like those doubts but I think it’s because anything he would say, everyone in the room would hear.” Lowering her head, she drops her arms and continues with her response after a brief pause. “Then when it came to me, I thought that if he had anything negative to say that I should view it positively and take that negativity as motivation to do better. But once he mentioned how impressed they were with my singing and rapping, I was so happy that I couldn’t stop smiling.”

A brief scene shows the exact moment she mentioned when she was still back in that room standing in line. “This vest…” Chaeyoung points to the piece of clothing. “To some people, they may think of it as something you would want due to the symbolism it holds. To others, they may see the person wearing it as a threat - a rival they have to overtake. But to me, it has a very unique meaning.” Shaking her head, the girl tries to explain herself. “MVP means ‘the most valuable player’.” Chaeyoung does her best to speak in English before shifting back. “Valuable is something that has great worth. We have P for ‘player. So that means we are a team and the MVP is someone who has significantly helped the team succeed. For me, I think wearing this reminds me that despite this being a competition, we need to work well as a group and I have to do my best to be the glue that can help make it possible.”

When her smile starts to fade along with the rest of the scene, something that has become familiar appears. The camera shows an image from the top of the girls living room, as it did before, and then it changes to the boys. While the images play on screen, the words on the bottom change from ‘Month 1, Week 4’ to ‘Month 2, Week 1’. It was the start of a brand new month.

Solji and Wendy sit together as they go through the lyrics, both of them wearing blue. “What did you think of the song when it first came out, unni?” The younger, Wendy, asks. Solji’s brows automatically furrow. “Yah, are you calling me old? The song came out in November of 1997… I was only four,” she noted. The years of their birth appear below them. While Wendy was born in 1998, Solji was from 1993.

“Unni~” The girl adds playfully. “I’m not calling you old~.” Wendy tries a pout for full effect. “I was only wondering whether the song was one of your childhood favorites.” The screen keeps showing Wendy, except now she is in the middle of her interview. “What do you think of this week’s concept?” They ask her and Wendy lets out a laugh. “Admittedly, the 90s were difficult, since at least three of us grew up aboard. Most of the unnies were still toddlers when majority of these songs came out, while Chaeyoungie and I were born toward the end of the decade.”

“How do you feel about the results” She sighs. “I was mostly thankful that CEO Hyun Bin and the rest of you considered my performance as sufficient enough to be considered safe,” she says with a soft smile that instantly fades. “However, I felt like I was complimented on my singing before being slapped in the face. Figuratively, that is. I mean, I’m thankful that I was given a direction on what I must improve on this month. But at the same time, a little bit of validation would have been nice.” Wendy smiles. “Being in the safe team motivates me to work even harder to show that I deserve to be kept in the project.”

The one next on the seat is Solji. “I feel really good,” she admits. “I mean, I know there is still a lot to be worked on, but I’m very happy with how the first month went as a whole. Honestly, to hear the comments give to me… I’m very thankful.” A smile appears on her face. “To hear Sajangnim himself telling me that he wasn’t expecting me to impress him…” she chuckles softly. “Well, it’d be a lie if I said that I wasn’t nervous when he started with those words.”

“How do you feel about your placement?” It is Sunmi now, another member of the SAFE zone. “I don’t feel like I deserve my spot in the safe zone.” They ask her if she’s insecure. She shakes her head. “My performance this first month wasn’t the performance of a five-year trainee and for that, I should be in the danger zone. It wasn’t a good performance and honestly, the group performance, in the end, didn’ help my standing much either.” When they ask her if she thinks she did worse than everyone, she shrugs.

“I can’t really say if I was really the worst of the group but you have to evaluate everyone fairly. The fair thing would be to evaluate me as someone with more experience than half of them there. So for someone with my caliber of experience, I did badly. It’s just the reality.” Sunmi looks off for a moment. “I think people should learn to be more self-critical.”

The girls in red sit together in their own circle. It’s not easy to know you’re in danger and that much is evident in their faces. “So-” Yongsun decides to be the first to speak. “This is unfortunate but at this point, we got nothing to lose and everything to gain,” she nods her head. “How do you feel about the results?” The voice asks her this time and the girl leans back on the chair, glancing down. “Somehow, I felt lacking- Hyuna suggested the song for the last week and I thought it wasn’t a bad pick but none of the other songs were good picks either.” She smiles anyway. “I wasn’t eliminated but punished because I had been a trainee for a less amount of time. Not prepared enough and then I don’t stand out enough.”

When it’s Hyuna’s turn to speak she doesn’t sound too enthusiastic. “I have nothing to say. I feel the same as I did when I started this show.” She shrugs, reaching up to pull onto the blue vest. “I’m safe. There is nothing else to it. I suck at dancing. I’m good at rapping, which is something the public already knew.” After that, she takes a deep breath. “Can I leave now?

There are two girls now side-by-side. The cameras stare at them while they stare at their own lyrics sheet. Meiqi knocks a fist against her head to her to focus. “Sorry, I zoned out for a second,” she laughs dryly before continuing. “Are you sure we should give me that many parts? Hyun Bin said my singing isn’t that good so maybe you should take one more part of mine…” Yongsun is the one sitting with her and she quickly shakes her head. “No, I won’t do that. You need to prove Hyun Bin and everyone wrong - practice makes perfect and I’ll support you to the best of my own abilities. You just gotta remember the lyrics and I think you will do just fine.”

While she gives the other a smile, the background music clearly gets more serious. They focus on Meiqi’s reaction. “Was that supposed to be a joke or…” She looks down at her paper, taking a deep breath. For those who didn’t remember it, a flashback to the girl forgetting her lyrics during rap week plays followed by the CEO himself sharing his thoughts about it at the end of the month. “Yes, joke.” Yongsun nods her head, but the editing team makes it clear that the air feels much denser than the type you’d have after a joke.

Meiqi pulls the sleeves of her shirt over her knuckles when it’s time for her interview. “It was hard to hear,” she admits through a heavy sigh. “I’ve never… been criticized so heavily. But he’s right. It’s disheartening to hear it, you know? But it’s even worse when you know it yourself. When you think you’re decent, but then you make all these mistakes that you know aren’t you. When you let  nerves get in the way and you start doubting yourself at a level you never have…” Tears start piling up in her eyes but she doesn’t let them fall. “I know I belong in the danger zone,” Meiqi’s voice cracks, forcing her to take a deep breath. “But I don’t like being in it.”

The girl appears again in front of a camera inside her empty room. She runs a hand through her hair, pushing it back even when it’s not falling into her face. “You know that saying? ‘New year, new me’?” Meiqi switches to English for the common phrase and then goes back to Korean. “I want to change it to ‘new month, new me’ because that’s how I feel right now.” She giggles, tosses her hair over her shoulder and continues. “Cam, do I look good in red? I’m going to do my best to look good in another color. Make sure to cheer me on, okay?” The girl pouts. “To everyone who believed in me, I’m sorry for disappointing you. I’ll work hard so that I can be a Meng Meiqi that you can proudly say you are a fan of.”

Someone else is fidgeting with their vest, and it is still very red. Kaeun tries to straighten it out, but it proves to be difficult. “Honestly, I thought that was the end for me. I wasn’t expecting this division, per se, but I’m glad to stay a little longer. I think I’m starting to grow attached to this place and the training, a little. Sajangnim’s words… aligned with my thoughts. I’m still searching for what I truly hope to do as a trainee, and it’s not easy.” She smiles, hands resting on her lap as she speaks. “And I was thinking maybe, just maybe, I want to rap and dance. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and there probably isn’t enough time to become an amazing rapper, or dancer, all at one go. How many steps I can progress, I’d be happy with that alone.” The girl nods, leaning against the chair slightly. “Also, this red vest isn’t all that bad looking either. I think it stands out.”

Chaeyoung walks inside an empty practice room and remains still momentarily while closing her eyes. While she does so, a text appears on the bottom of the screen to let the audience know that was not a still picture. The girl finally opens her eyes and looks at the came, getting a bit closer to wave. “Hi! I don’t know if the other member told you, but we’re going to be performing ‘I’m Your Girl’ by S.E.S.” She chuckles. “But before I resume practice, let me end this talk with one of my favorite parts from this song.” Chaeyoung takes one of the water bottles and uses it as a microphone. She starts by humming the melody before saying the first line. “I like S.E.S y’all!” And so she turns the bottle towards the camera as if it would sing the missing line. The trainee does the same thing again before laughing.

The SAFE girls are the firsts to perform and the same song Chaeyoung had given the pleasure of introducing is the one that plays. It’s a famous song that even recent female idol groups made sure to cover. Being formed by only the best trainees, they make it a good and cute performance. The DANGER girls ended up choosing the same artist as the last group, but still a different song. The angelic aura of S.E.S takes over the segment and all the girls get to shine with their talent and dreamy visuals.

The week returns to the past, right after the results are given. Hosung heads straight to his room, climbs up to his top bunk and buries himself under the blanket with his face towards the wall. He’s clearly crying, but he doesn’t want to show that. “I’m fine,” he whispers it loud enough for the cameras to catch.

Someone else follows him into the room and the same path the boy had taken before. Hugo carefully slides in beside him, wrapping an arm around him. “Hey…” The other shifts slightly so that they could both fit a bit better but he’s still facing away. “Hey… congratulations on being safe. You deserve it. Blue never was my color…” He tries to lighten the mood with a joke but it trails off weakly. “I really messed up, didn’t I?” Hugo buries his face into the back of the other boy’s shoulder. “Blue is your color, it will be. Don’t give up hope, yeah? Show them why they need you, like you showed me.”

Leaving their bed behind, Hugo is the one who appears sitting in front of the camera. “I’m safe,” he tries to say with a smile but it proves to be hard. “I feel very conflicted right now. Last week when I was here, I was saying I couldn’t leave Hosung behind, and now that’s exactly what has happened. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could help him… I hope he can move up to the safe team with me. Then everything will be good.” He nods.

Hosung shows again, except this time he is with Haknyeon, another member of the DANGER zone. “Hyung,” the younger says. “This feels familiar, huh? Cat dog from the MGAs.” Hosung looks away from the mirror and towards him with a smile. “Yeah, cat dog from the MGAs.” Haknyeon continues. “Could you… help me a bit more with my singing this month? I don’t want to bring you or BamBam hyung down… I want to be useful!” He says, determined.

The smile on Hosung’s face turns a little brighter and a bit bigger. “Of course I’ll help you with singing. Although, are you sure you want me to? CEO-nim pretty much told me I sucked.” He shrugs before pulling Haknyeon into a one-armed hug. “Better than being told that you’re frankly an awful sing,” the boy tried to impersonate Hyun Bin to the best of his abilities. “I think you’re a good singer, hyung, that’s why I want you to help me.” He smiles. “Yeah, well, I think you’re a fine singer,” he replies patting the other’s cheek affectionately. “And thank you for thinking that I’m a good singer. If just one person likes it then it’s all worth it.”

Hosung’s interview is next to air. “What are your feelings after last week’s review?” They ask him and Hosung picks at the red vest to show them. “As you can see, I’m wearing red. Normally I love a good strong accent color but this time…” He takes a shaky breath before continuing. “Was I surprised by my critique from Hyun Bin CEO? Yes. Am I happy to be on the chopping block? No. I take full responsibility for not training my vocal techniques to the level that they’re supposed to be at.”

“So who in your group will take responsibility if you all should fail?” He opens his mouth but it takes a moment before the sound comes out of it. “I will take responsibility. We are all working together in a democratic fashion but I will say that I am the one who is trying to keep them on task.” When they ask him if he’s the leader, he denies. “I wouldn’t use that label, no, more like… manager? I take notes, make sure people are eating, drinking, and resting…”

It’s a practice room this time, and the people inside aren’t wearing red. Jungwoo holds onto his water bottle while he approaches Ricky with a smile. “Feeling good? I would’ve picked you for MVP too. You helped me a lot during the group week.” Ricky looks over to him. “Oh… I think so… I guess so. Thanks… I’m glad you’re here. You did good.” He glances down. “To be honest, I’m nervous. The expectations are really high for us. It’s important that we do well.” While he speaks, Ricky fiddles with the hem of the vest. “We can’t just show a better side of us than the other teams and leave it at that, we have to be better than ourselves. Always.” Jungwoo sucks his lower lip between his teeth, chewing on it. “I know.” There’s still a smile on his face. “I feel the same way. There’s not any less pressure on us being on this team. I feel like we have to work even harder now to prove we belong here. We deserve this.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t… offer to help sooner,” Ricky utters. He pauses, leaving an awkward breath suspended between them. The scene fades over to Jungwoo’s interview. “Haknyeon is on the danger team.” His brow furrows deep. “He’s got such talent for dancing and I thought his rapping was really good! I’m really worried for him.” The boy clasps his hands together tightly on his lap. “Of course I’m worried for the others too. I don’t want anyone to go home. But Haknyeonnie is my best friend. I want to debut with him.”

Jungwoo goes quiet for a moment. “I’m glad Ricky got MVP, though. He really deserves it, especially after last week. I was going to drag the whole team down, but he really helped me with my part, and he did his own amazingly too. Wow, he’s really a force to be reckoned with.” Meanwhile, Haknyeon appears to share some similar feelings to Jungwoo when it comes to him. “It’s tough. Terrible. I let myself down.” He pauses. “If I’m being honest, I feel angry at myself. At the start of the week, I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror because seeing the red uniform made me so sad.” He looks down at his uniform and grips at it. “But I felt that… I should channel that anger and sadness differently. You know, to not let myself down again. I want to debut.”

SAFE boys start to follow along about the same path as the girls did as they take on a bright concept to start things off. The song picks are quite a contrast to what’s famous nowadays and the style change is quite apparent. The DANGER boys go for something more intense instead. The rap-heavy song features a demanding choreography which the three boys manage to handle through most of the song. It’s only the first week, but things were already getting interesting.

The camera shows an image from the top of the boys living room, and then it changes to the girls. While the images play on screen, the words on the bottom change from ‘Month 2, Week 1’ to ‘Month 2, Week 2’.

The girls are shown enjoying their meal at the common room as it’d be expecting them to. It cuts to the inside of one of the bedrooms where Sunmi sad with a packet of chips in her lap and tears in her eyes. She turns to the nearest camera and wipes her tears. “I’m alright,” she says. On the other side of the door, Wendy leans closer to the door and appears to understand what was happening inside of it. The girl returns with a cup in hand and enters their room. “Sunmi unni? Are you okay? I brought you some tea.” The girl sets the drink on top of the dresser. Sunmi doesn’t appear too interested in it. “I know that fate works mysteriously but it sucks, you know?”

“How do you find working with the girls from the safe group?” They ask Hyuna. “I love it,” she replies in a heartbeat. “I really, really like it. Everyone has something they add to the group and it’s really refreshing to see them all work hard and adapt, help each other. It’s a motivating environment. I wish we wouldn’t change. Is that selfish?” She asks, grin pulling on her lips as she laughs. “Being in the safe group is a first for me. Nova likes their dancers, and I’m… I’m working on it, but I have quite a long way to go before I even manage to get on the level of some of the trainees here, like Sunmi, for example.”

Wendy is the one to appear after her. “What’s different about this song compared to the previous weeks?” The girl looks pensive before she gives her reply. “We rarely get to do playful and flirty songs,” she says with a fond smile. “This is our chance to show off our fun and sexy side!” She bursts out laughing. “What’s the biggest challenge for you this week?” And she replies making a face. “I’m not sexy enough,” she answers flat-out. “I mean, you’ve seen the girls I’m with, right?”

The scene changes to Wendy as she tries making flirty faces at the mirror. She giggles at herself before winking. “Unnie~” She whines at Hyuna who is beside her. “How do you do it?” The other lifts her eyes from her lyrics sheet. Hyuna blinks for a second before moving closer to the younger. Instead of doing a wink, she looks at Wendy and lifts her hand to gently grab her chin and make her face her before winking at her. Wendy blinks and maintains eye contact until she starts to laugh.

Chaeyoung appears on her seat sporting the golden vest people aimed for. “I felt that I was experiencing so many emotions at once, especially this week? I couldn’t help but wonder a lot. For example, last month we were evaluated on whether we could sing, dance, and rap well, right?” The girl begins to explain her train of thought. “Then on the fourth week, we were given a task where we had to incorporate that because that’s what you see some idol groups do. But this week, I kept contemplating moreover what is the purpose of this month’s missions? Was it a review for us to see the history of music throughout the decades?”

She purses her lips as she shakes her head. “Then during the song selection process, that’s when I began to think ‘what if Hyun Bin sajangnim is testing us to see if we can adapt to various concepts?’. If we stuck with the same one throughout this month, that would be a boring performance, wouldn’t it?” Chaeyoung confesses out loud. “At some point, I even asked myself ‘what if he wants to see us adapt in general? Both in concepts and roles?’ Like rappers singing and singers rapping?” The girl tilts her head. “I thought about that a lot and it reminded me of theatre. When the actor cannot perform on stage, you have the understudy. They have to be ready for anything that could happen. Throughout this week and last week, I imagined myself as that.”

“It’s been… interesting,” Solji nods her head. “When the mission was first given, it didn’t seem that difficult, but then, as we got to picking out the songs, we realized that we didn’t know the earlier years as well as we thought. And then, of course, the later years are just so jam-packed with music that we’re much more familiar with so it was decision overload,” she chuckles. “But I think having more options is good. After all, we can talk through why something would work better than something else.”

Kaeun takes her sit, a girl with a red vest. “I liked this week’s challenge a little more, I think? S.E.S sunbaenim’s song is a long-time classic, but this week’s song was something that I sort of grew up with a bit more? It fits us, or that’s what I like to believe. Always be confident in yourself, right?” She shows a smile with a finger gun. “There’s more of a strong rap focus this week. I think that makes me nervous but, a little heart fluttering? Being in a smaller group really made me realize how much work one had to prepare because we all want to come out of the performance doing well. Since there’s only 3 of all, each of us has to do our roles really well, that’s how we help the group”.

One of her groupmates appears next. “How was our performance last Sunday?” Meiqi chews on her lower lip. “I think it went well…?” She raises her tone slightly at the end of the sentence. “I don’t want to jinx myself though… I know I’m not supposed to be proud or happy of this thing,” she says while pinching at the material of her red vest. “But I’m grateful for it, in a way. It put me in a group with two hardworking, talented, truly beautiful people. I’m really happy to go on stage with these two by my side.”

It’s the same girl, but she approaches the camera with her hoodie over her head, concealing her hair. “Cam, have you ever wondered what I would look like if I was a boy?” Her voice comes out muffed and one tug on the string unravels it and her hood falls to reveal a dark, short wig. Meiqi does her best to imitate a smoldering look. “What do you think? From today, tell people that I’m your boyfriend.”

The DANGER girls start things this time around. They’re all dressed up exactly like someone would to cover a boy group song. Their choice is strong and intense unlike their choice for the previous week. It’s a good contrast and the three girls make a good job out of their challenge. The SAFE girls also went on an opposite route from the first week, but still different from the DANGER girls. Instead of strong and intense they went for sexy and flirtacious. It’d be hard to compare the two now that their concepts are different, but people always enjoyed picking sides.

Jungwoo is laying down on the practice room floor, chest rising and falling in desperate rapidity. “How are you doing?” He calls over to his practice partner and lays still for a moment longer before stretching out to reach for his water. “Feeling good about the trick yet? I’m not.” Hugo hobbles over and descends, laying half on top of Jungwoo, head resting on his chest. “Hold me,” and he drapes a jelly-like arm over Jungwoo’s frame. “Gross,” the other complains. “I sat here to cool down. You’re not helping.” Yet he does nearly nothing to push Hugo off, just a half-hearted little shove at his floppy arm that does not nothing.

“I hate this. Dancing is so hard, especially for me with no natural ability to speak of,” Hugo complains. “It is hard,” the other agrees. “But we’ll be okay. We gotta be.” Hugo starts to move around, sitting up. “Alright, let’s get back to it.” He sighs, and Jungwoo sits along with him. “I want to debut,” he admits. “And I don’t want to leave anyone behind. But we can’t all make it, can we?”

The boy sits in front of the camera and stifles a yawn, obviously tired. “Our teamwork is great,” he smiles. “Picking songs was hard, of course. We had a whole decade of music to go through, but we all seemed to be on the same page. Last week, I was sad about who I didn’t have on my team. This week, I’m excited about who I do have.” His practice looks about just as tired on his own interview. “I’ve been working extra hard. This week’s performance is no joke.”

Hugo proceeds. “I’ve worked hard for performances before, but not endlessly like this. You get through one week but it doesn’t stop, becuase you have the next week to worry about. I imagine this is what an idol’s life must be like during promotions.” He gives a nod. “Huidong hyung has been helping us a lot with our dancing. With his help, I think I’m improving a lot faster now. He’s a good leader and a good dancer, too. It’s really comforting to be on his team.” The man smiles.

“What are your thoughts on this week’s theme?” They ask Hosung this time. “I think the song for this week is… different than what people would’ve expected of us. More mellow and not as upbeat but it still does a good job on showcasing the rap skills of our two members. Originally, the vocal parts are really high so I had to adjust it to fit my range but overall I think we fit well together.”

Haknyeon shares the same color of vest as he does and proceeds with his own answers, nodding before he speaks. “I’ve been working hard. Last week we did a song from the 90s… I was born in the year 2000 so that was interesting,” he says. “We’re doing a song from the 2000s this time. I was nine when it came out, so I know the song.” Haknyeon pauses for a moment. “Honestly, it’s still a little tough, but I’ve come to accept the reality of things. I’m in danger but being sad and angry at myself won’t do me any good. I’ve been trying to channel all of… what I’ve been feeling into putting on a good performance.”

“It’s been a month and a half. Do you miss anyone?” He doesn’t have to think much to reply. “I miss my mum. I miss having her homecooked food, I miss hearing her voice… I even miss fighting with her,” he lets out a weak laugh. “But I need to make her proud here,” the boy smiles.

The DANGER boys go first, as the girls did. As metioned by the members, their choice is more mellow instead of upbeat but also allows them to show their skills well. Meanwhile, the SAFE boys are the one going for intensity this time around. It’s a nice contrast and it’s interesting to see how every group followed the same strategy, but each one of them decided to take a different path. After they’re all done, there are still two weeks left and the fourth remains a secret.

EPISODE FIVE TEASER: It’s the end of the second month, and the possibility of eliminations leaves anyone nervous. Flashes of red and blue go by the screen as the trainees give it their best. But there’s a twist, it seems, expect it’s nothing that can be confirmed through a teaser. As the show goes by its halfway mark, will your favorite contestants make it until the end?

**Note: None of the performances were shown fully, but separate videos will be posted IC on Nova’s official YouTube channel during the week of each trainee’s full performance.

[pokeallthelawyers]

Hellooo! Thanks for blessing us with such a unique universe - saying goodbye is pretty hard but all those little extra glimpses into it definitely make it more bearable :) I’ve got a couple of questions for you if that’s okay! I was wondering if you were planning on incorporating/referencing any more canon characters, scenes or lines?

[part 2] We know that they’ve spent a lot of time together, when did they realize that they’re not just two people who work really well together but might actually become lovers? And I’d love to get a hint or two at what their reunion would have looked like (there’s only so much angst I can take, haha) Sending you two lots of love

My gosh, thank you so much for your messages!! honestly it makes us so happy that someone out there is interested enough in this au to learn more, and also that hearing our answers is helpful for you in some way :’] my answer to this got quite long [rip], hence the cut.

I was wondering if you were planning on incorporating/referencing any more canon characters, scenes or lines?

With regards to characters - If you remember in the original fic, Elias was mentioned as part of the team that works on clean up (e.g erasing paper trails, taking care of the body, etc.) for the jobs Even and Isak finish. This team is comprised of balloon squad members and are some of the only people in the business Even considers friends. They were going to play a more prominent role later on in the story after Even’s father’s betrayal, first as emotional support (obviously Even had no idea what was being planned and would probably be incredibly shaken and confused by events) and then to help them escape.

We also discussed a Noora/Eva subplot at some point. Eva as a hitman, Noora as her wealthy mark. Eva can’t go through with it though because of her emotional attachment to Noora, and decides to leave the business. We weren’t totally sure if we wanted to do more with this idea, but it would have at the very least been referenced as Even and Isak try to figure out whether it’s worth it to leave, as precedent that it might be difficult but not impossible (kind of difficult because Even and Isak would have no idea of their whereabouts so can’t know how successful they were, but between you and me they’re most definitely living their best lives together in some distant city and are probably married or something)

Other than that we toyed with the idea of boy squad and various other characters showing up in the time between them parting and their reunion, although nothing was ever really set in stone.

In terms of scenes and lines, I don’t actually think we had anything concrete planned for parallels? This verse is just about as far from canon as we could imagine lol. but yeah, aside from general themes of “you are not alone” and “life is now” (which is pretty much in every evak fic ever tbh) that’s all we’ve got!

when did they realize that they’re not just two people who work really well together but might actually become lovers?

So most of this fic verse was going to take place in the current timeline [with a few flashback standalones if we had the time], leaving the audience room to form their own ideas on questions like these if they wanted. Having said that, our own personal opinion is that it’s a thing that happened without them really talking about it, since so much of their relationship is in the unsaid. And in our minds it develops so slowly and so surely there’s no exact moment that they realized their feelings for each other, or admitted it to themselves, or admitted it to each other. still, in the fic we did post we think it’s pretty obvious that they know they love each other at that point, so make of that what you will!

And I’d love to get a hint or two at what their reunion would have looked like

I actually have lots of thoughts about how this would happen! Here are some of our notes on what we’d planned for the coda/epilogue of the fic:

This is maybe five or ten years into the future. Takes place in a coffeeshop; Even did become a barista like he said, in some distant American city

They both go by different names now; Even has a scar on his face and Isak has a different haircut, but Isak walks into the store, the little bell announcing his arrival, and Even looks up and catches sight of him and knows him immediately, and everything else sort of melts away

Even goes on break, joins Isak in the corner of the store away from the window; at this point it’s been years since they threw off their enemies, years living as civilians, but old habits die hard

Despite how long it’s been, they fall into each other so easily, talking about nothing and everything, understanding as much about how they’re doing from their silences as from what they actually say

The most plot important part of this conversation is that Isak reveals that he found out where Even is because Even slipped a coded message in his stuff and it took him a long time to find Even mostly because he was scared of putting Even in danger; he wanted to make absolutely sure that neither of them would be compromised by contact between them

He tells Even to thank balloon squad for him, then leans back in his seat and lets out a small laugh

And Even asks him why he’s laughing, and Isak says, “I’m laughing because you’re such a dumbass,” and Even is like ??? And Isak’s eyes go soft, and he says, “That last part of your message. Of course I’d want to see you again, did you ever doubt that?”

Even has a lump in his throat as he says, “I’m not supposed to make assumptions, am I,” and Isak says, “God, I love you,” and there’s nothing holding Even back now from saying, “I love you, too”; and they’re free, and they’re together, and it’s good.

(The crux of this scene to me is that they’ve spent time slowly learning to live as human beings outside their work, and outside of each other; but though they’ve spent so much time healing on their own, to lead normal lives without each other, they still want to be together. That could never change, and it never will)

Whew, this is a lot, geez. Thank you once again for your interest in this verse, it means the world to us - and again if you have any other thoughts or questions, don’t hesitate to let us know

-Sarah

[airadam]

Episode 139 : Safe & Sound

"Give your mama enough money to bury ya."

- E-40

We've just about dragged ourselves to the end of the year whose name shall not be spoken, and we're not out of the woods just yet. The winter is drawing in, and so we have not a festive selection, but one which in many parts sonically fits the season. There are some deep album cuts, B-sides, and mixtape tracks here, making it one of those months where pretty much everyone is going to learn at least one new tune! Get those headphones connected and let's go...

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

E-40 : I'ma Teach Ya How To Sell Dope

The title of this track from "Revenue Retrievin' : Day Shift" wrong-foots you, because this is A-grade "B-side of the game" material, as Ice-T would say. If you ever thought the drug game was glamourous, E-40 lets you know that it's a dangerous, paranoid, and depressing dead-end - even for the few who live long enough to make a bit of money. 

The Cool Kids : Tires (Instrumental)

This had just the right slow pace, boom, and space to form a bridge between the tracks on either side. The vocal version appropriately comes from the 2009 "Merry Christmas" EP and features Boldy James, but this instrumental is available as part of the "Gone Fishing : Instrumentals" mixtape (despite not being on the "Gone Fishing" album, so far as I'm aware!)

Jane Child : Loot$ville

Take the rhythm section alone and you could imagine someone like Above The Law or The Dogg Pound getting busy on this track. It's been a very long time since the release of the "Surge" LP, the last from Jane Child, but it still stands up! Child's production and playing skills, alongside those of Cat Gray have this instrumental growling along at the low end, and then her vocal elevates the whole package into a quality song.

Jay-Z : Where I'm From

A clear standout from "In My Lifetime, Vol.1", this is one of the tracks for the streets, and a stark contrast to the many songs on the album that were obviously aiming for mass appeal. Jay lays down the facts of life in Brooklyn's Marcy Projects over a menacing beat from D-Dot and Amen-Ra, with DJ Premier contributing the cuts.

Scarface : The Fix / Fixed

I decided to blend the opening and closing tracks from Scarface's "The Fix" LP here, since both are excellent, but also very short. Scarface and Mike Dean handle the production, and it would surprise many to know that Scarface is also the singer here! This musical motif was re-used by the great Pimp C for UGK's "Still Ridin' Dirty", which also featured Scarface - another track to check out.

Sean Price ft. Buckshot and General Steele : Apartheid

This tune from "Imperius Rex" is the exact kind of darkness and coldness that matches the current season, especially in a year like this. Crummie Beats provides the score, and Sean is accompanied by two of the absolute foundation BCC members to go all the way grimy with it. Check the video - as well as all the artist guests, Sean's wife Bernadette and daughter Shaun both make appearances.

Mad Cobra ft. The Geto Boys : Dead End Street (Instrumental)

From the early 90s, when all sorts of Hip-Hop groups were trying to add a little Jamaican flavour (to wildly varying effect), there were a few artists from JA with the budget to cross over the other way. This 12" had multiple versions of the GB-featuring gun tune headed by dancehall don Cobra, and this is the thumping instrumental to the main mix.

Bronx Slang : Copy That

Jerry Beeks and Ollie Miggs are back with a new single, which just had to be shared here. Beeks has been doing his thing for a long time and continues to tweak and refine his approach - his flow here is alternately conversational and then more dense, and shows a real level of comfort expounding on serious subject matter on the mic. Grab this either as a single or on the "Bronx Kill" mixtape!

Ghostface Killah ft. Trife : Be Easy

The horns on "Copy That" brought this track to mind, and it's a worthy follow-up. One of the big singles from "Fishscale", it's a triumphant Pete Rock blast flipping "Stay Away From Me" by The Sylvers (this info is already out there), and Ghost leading the charge over the top with an assist from Trife in the hypeman role.

Phat Kat ft. T3 and Black Milk : Danger

All the Detroit on this cut, which has appeared in a few places - Phat Kat's "Carte Blanche" LP, Black Milk's "Sound Of The City", and even the "Saint's Row" soundtrack. As "SOTC" was released two years before the Phat Kat album came out in 2007, I guess that kind of makes it Black Milk's track and may explain why he's on the first verse - although Phat Kat is a beast on the third verse cleanup. Black Milk is on the beat, of course.

Dilated Peoples : Clockwork

I'd somehow forgotten that DJ Premier had done this beat for Dilated, but it's a great bi-coastal collaboration between him and this LA crew! The "Expansion Team" LP, their second, is full of heavyweight production, with Alchemist, Da Beatminerz, and JuJu from The Beatnuts among the boardsmen on the project. This track bumps but has a kind of thriller film soundtrack energy at the same time, and Rakaa and Evidence do it justice on the mic.

Fingathing : You Fly Me

The pairing of bassist Sneaky and world-class turntablist DJ Peter Parker was not the kind of thing that was at all common when they started out, but their original concept went from sensational live performances to quality recorded output. This number comes from the first full album, "The Main Event" (which was preceded by the "2 Player EP"), and is a glorious mix of bass and strings with some jazzy drumming action.

Zo! ft. Phonte : Everything She Wants

Now this is how you do a cover version! The last track recorded for "...just visiting three", this was a left-field idea from Zo that Phonte loved, as he'd always loved the original Wham track and wanted to remake it himself! It's much slower than the original, and as Zo points out, it helps to maintain the focus on the lyrics, which were some of George Michael's best from that era. The multi-talented Phonte kills it on the lead vocal (as well as some choice ad-libs), and Zo has the beat sliding and slumping, with a great switch-up at the end if you go and get the full version... 

Freeway & Jake One : The Product

I hadn't played "The Stimulus Package" for ages, but it's still really good. When this was released, it seemed like an idea from a bygone era to pair one MC with one producer for a whole album, but one that was very welcome. Philadelphia's Freeway's addiction-themed lyrics are pretty much timeless, and as is usually the case, Jake One's beat nods to tradition while not being bound by it.

Sadat X & El Da Sensei ft. Bumpy Knuckles : 3 Rounds To Spar

Wall-to-wall rugged MCs right here, with the pairing of Sadat and El joined by the king of the third verse, Bumpy Knuckles for a pure mic workout over some heavy boom-bap (which is never a perjorative round here) by Divine Drummah - a producer I could only find this one credit for, but who definitely cooked up a track with the appropriate weight for the MCs on it. If you check the full version from the "XL" album, you can enjoy the intro where you hear the main sample in a more open form before the chops and drums come in.

Boot Camp Clik ft. Twanie Ranks : Smile In Heaven

This one probably snuck past most of you, as it was buried on the end of the Black Moon "Rush" 12" and didn't appear anywhere else except the "Collect Dis Edition" compilation in 2003. It turned up when I was digitising vinyl and I thought it was a fitting one to play mood-wise, with the contemplative street lyrics and the sombre vibes of the Beatminerz' instrumental underscoring it all. Twanie Ranks adds to the whole with his reggae-styled vocals at the end of the hook sections.

K-Def : The Final Thrill

One of those guys you could describe as a producer's producer, New Jersey's K-Def quietly has an amazing discography! I went back to his "Willie Boo Boo" album for this one, which is so short I had to loop it up a bit to make it long enough to work here - that said, there's no downside to hearing a beat like this for a little longer :)

Tribeca : Charlie Hustle (Pony Express)

With a sample that almost everyone will recognise, even if you can't name it, Tribeca does double duty as MC and producer on this 2003 12". On the mic, he takes on the persona/viewpoint of the former baseball player Pete Rose, who was banned from the major leagues for gambling, and as such is also excluded from the Baseball Hall of Fame (the "Cooperstown" you hear mentioned). When it comes to the production, he pounds the MPC in his characteristic fashion to supply the low end to complement the piano track. 

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[coe-lilium]

Would you be willing to rank the major Apocrypha characters (Masters and Servants) from best to worst? I'm curious as to how you would rank them

Gladly :D

Be warned that this will be 90% tastes and maybe 10% narrative/objective analysis. And sorry for taking so long to answer. Also, it got long ^^’

A concise, condensed ver before the cut

- 10+/10, tie between Mordred, Jeanne e Shirou

-  9.5/10: Semirams and Shishigou Kairi

- 8-7.5/10: Vlad, Achilles, Shakespeare, Caules 

- 7: Chiron, Fran, Atalanta, Karna, Fiore, Darnic

- 6, I start not caring: Gordes

- “wasted” and “still bitter after 5 years”, no numbers: Avicebron and Siegfried

- 5-4, it’s complicated: Astolfo

- 4: Sieg (and it might go down to 0, I’m serious)

- 3 to 0: Jack, Reika, Celenike 

Btw, I kept them vague, but spoilers/hints up to vol4 and 5

Rank “will fight the world for them, forever in Higashide’s debt, I wish one day for Nasu to write them himself because I trust the mushroom man to make me love them even more than I already do, 10+/10″: 

Mordred: SHE. Higashide’s best accomplishment in winning me over no matter other flaws. Tie with Gilgamesh as my favorite Nasuverse character ever.

There isn’t a single thing I don’t love about her (bar that atrocious “dress” under the armor, delete that). The armored and casual character design. The backstory as abused and exploited child who tries to break free of her mother influence and plots but ends up following them anyway because of her other parent rejection and, ultimately, how Morgan life lasting damage could not be undone without support. Her snarky, bratty, selfish and ferocious personality she show to the outside world and the hidden insecurities, the good heart and the ability to reflect on her flaws. Her loyalty and her desperate need for parental love and recognition as her own person. Her fighting style that is a delight to read or watch, truly a beast. Her chemistry and relationship with Shishigou, all of it. How it start in that cemetery, how develops over the course of the story, how she manage to open, connect and trust him and ultimately find a real father in him.

If I have to find a “wish this was expanded on” is her written in but not recognised by canon issues with gender/presentation which wasn’t a real issue for me until I read metas here and I’m now quite confused especially on how to write her (him?) in the future, when I’ll hopefully get at it.

The only reason I don’t completely wish for her and her Master to have been made MCs is the love I have for the following two guys and this couple steal too much of a spotlight from other characters.

Still, while theirs is a story more focused on personal growth and healing then deciding the fate of a great number of people or the world, in the end Mordred and Kairi saved each other so it could’ve still meshed neatly with the overall salvation theme. Sadly it was not meant to be but I’m more than content for what we got.

Jeanne: She. Who gets only second place and no caps lock because, a surprisingly good portrayal none withstanding, she could’ve been even better had Higashide done a bit more research (in his favour, I don’t know what kind of books on her are translated in Japanese and if the processes transcripts are among them).

For example I’ll forever maintain that, while the whole “romance” thing has a historical base (funny that, uh?), it required a way better realisation and as it’s written in Apocrypha does her character a disservice. Laeticia too, who was a potentially interesting “device” and could’ve been our outsider perspective, got derailed into more nonsense romance and aww poor Sieg and oh man, who-gives-a-damn: not me.

Also, not enough of a sarcastic spitfire or military prowess (“just waved the flag”, now that’s a funny way to write “half of Charles’ court was impressed by how good she was with every damn weapon”) for my tastes but I guess historical Jeanne is just that irreplaceable or TM chose to emphasise her piety and “sainthood” over other traits in order to avoid an Arturia 2.0.

Not a single mention to her mentors either, in 5 volumes (which is bad, extremely bad, Higashide why) and too much of Gilles de Rais nonsense but unfortunately Type Moon is committed to roll with it. Dunois, La Hire and d’Alencon never, poor me. 

That said, Fate!Jeanne is really a good interpretation, firmly rooted in history and I love, love her. 

Her faith and lack of hate are spot-on and are treated with respect instead of mocked. 

She’s allowed to have a no-nonsense and even ruthless soldier like attitude, a protective streak (which always remind me of that promise she made to a young noblewoman to keep her husband safe and bring him back to her, or how she took care of her young squire. Both survived her) and loth of empathy at the same time. 

She’s down to earth but can also be immature and have flaws and be tempted. 

This post is already long as it is, so here’s some more reasons I love Apo Jeanne: 

Novel Jeanne musing 1       

Jeanne meta from the manga 1

Jeanne meta from the manga 2

My eternal greatest disappointment will forever be the lack of a satisfying confrontation with Shirou. You write someone able to shake Jeanne d’Arc convictions, make her doubt her conduct and moral standing when the threat of torture and the Rouen process weren’t able do so... and you don’t follow on it? Unforgivable.   

Shirou: This guy. This absolute mess of a human being. I need more and no, GO, “evil alternative self” isn’t what I mean (but yeah, gimme him too). After discovering him in Apocrypha I started digging my university library to hunt down his IRL self story and there is no higher accomplishment for a Fateverse character for me.                                                                                    Fascinating person and fascinating take by TM, double so since I discovered dude’s still being vilified in contemporary Jp stories/entertainment and man do that enrage me.

It’s like someone mixed up a character I love (Kirei), one I loathe (Kiritsugu), shaked it and the result it’s the best possible one I could ask for. 

I like the character design (both), the historical and post 3HGW backstory and how it shaped him into a Jeanne opposite (for excellent reasons), the most “Kotomine” traits like the snark and trollish attitude and how they cover all the suffering, despair and hate boiling under the constant smirk. How Higashide avoided the “turned evil” interpretation that’s prevalent in jp entertainment and made him a good person and a hero, if a misguided one and also the trapping of a “void/hollow inside” personality and instead gave him those fragments where you see he’s still a 17yo kid. 

He’s not just interesting, he’s funny to read, even with all the angst going on.  

The interactions with Shakespeare are great and... his relationship with Semiramis. Man, that’s excellent, excellent stuff. Can’t gush enough about how much I love them together

My only great complaint -for now, until I see a certain late discovery with my own eyes- is that all the narrative build up and comparisons between him and Jeanne (done in-universe and acknowledged within the text mind you, I’m not headcanoning here) went wasted. 

How can you write two characters who mirror each other so perfectly, put them as “head” of their factions, in the same role both... and not deliver with a confrontation? The only thing that tried to do so was -ironically- the anime in ep #13, as their confrontation in the novels wasn’t as personal and as good as the anime.      

Rank “good, excellent civilisation, never get tired of them”, 9.5/10

Shishigou: best father ever, 100% should legally adopt Mordred. He was/is extremely enjoyable to read about, snarky, smart, his fucked-up magus backstory had long lasting effects but managed not to destroy him, on the outside your tough, broody mercenary making hard decision but actually a good, moral person with a caring nature and, again, a great father. 

As already said, his and Mordred narrative is less tied to the different views of salvation theme and more to the “people making their wishes come true” and they’re bit of outliers for the whole duration of the story but I wouldn’t change a thing (except one T_T). 

His relationship with Mordred is one of the absolute highlights of Apocrypha for me, in every medium.

Semiramis: shallow reason first: charming, scheming, hot asshole-ish royalty in league with a Kotomine troll, what more could’ve I asked for?                        That she was an interesting char in her own right, which is what I got.          

More in-depth, she’s another character I never have enough of. Begrudging sole responsible adult of red team, I couldn’t help but grin every time she had to deal with AKA team or single members, not to speak of her scenes with Shakespeare, which are both amusing and very good for characterisation. 

She may not have that much of screen time compared to other faves but earned her place by making what she had memorable. 

Her backstory is simple: abandoned child learns to exploit her society view on women to rise to the top and get everything she wants and fuck everything else. Which not only neatly establish how and why she became what she is but also why this broken kid, which is a sort of her exact opposite, fascinate her so much. 

Speaking about our broken resident Kotomine, her chemistry with Shirou is simply great, all of their scenes are a joy to read. They have fun plotting together, they (she, dude’s either too young to notice or just let it go) casually flirts, have a functioning, mostly open relationship from the get-go that works no matter how messed up they really are and get each other’s back until the very end. Most of the more lighthearted stuff is in vol 1-2, then things gets more interesting. 

See, as much as she seems to be (and like to present herself as such to enemies) the perfectly devoted Servant and is aiding Shirou… she’s also truly villainous, cold and ruthless as hell and is also very conflicted and switch back and forth on what she wants, not much as out of the War as instead from her Master in particular (don’t think bad… okay, do) for the whole series. Vol3 and 4 are a godsend for her character and you dunno how I wish we had more than a bare bone summary for vol 5 because god damn some things in that summary. 

With the many, many stay night or Zero parallels and homages in Apocrypha, she come off as a sort of reverse Zero Gilgamesh and Gilles in being, respectively, the devilish member of the  Kotomine - Servant pair and the “personal involvement/interest in the saint figure, sometimes verging on the creep-ish, predatory behaviour" one (Gilles was 100% full on creepy mode, Semiramis keeps her thoughts for herself and is just tempted. I strongly appreciate), “reverse” for being conflicted, but in the end being a better person than both dudes above and respecting and knowing her partner enough to let go of her worst desires/frustrations. There’s some really good stuff in these two’s relationship, let me tell you. 

If Mordred-Shishigou take the cake for best platonic relationship in Apo, Semiramis and Shirou single handy destroy every competition for the romantic one. 

Rank “You. I like you”, 8-7.5/10

Vlad: here’s someone I’m pretty content with how he’s written (I wouldn’t change a thing), but really wish had had more space just because I enjoyed him a lot. Higashide nailed him and I wanted more of a historical Vlad III who is a hero, a good ruler caring for his country and a ruthless warrior and executioner and none of this aspects negate the others. Plus, it was refreshing to see a Vlad III being so clearly separated from the “vampire” twist that his wish for the Grail was to erase book and legacy from existence.

Achilles: a simil Alexander, I dislike the IRL/myth dude but can’t stay mad with their Fate incarnations. I like his personality, his quirks, his relationships with Chiron and Atalanta. Loved the mocking duel (and the anime committee will hear me scream from the other side of the world if I get robbed of it  yeah, I wrote this part before ep17. Fuck you A1). 

I don’t even think he needed more screen time, he’s really fine with what’s shown. Not every character need to be a main one and Achilles manage to be a good secondary one, with enough development and characterisation.

Shakespeare: here’s an enjoyable dude I like to hate. Amusing character, his interactions with Semiramis and Shirou are a joy to read or watch, but, fuck this guy. May Moriarty and Saber Gilles have their way with you in Chaldea.

Caules: one of those rare beasts known as “perfectly functioning siblings” of the Nasuverese. Respect his Servant and tries to do her right till the end. A good dude.

Rank “could’ve shined more in a longer and more focused series, but okay” aka those who served their purpose, 7/10 

Chiron                                                                                                            Atalanta                                                                                                          Karna                                                                                                                Fran                                                                                                                  Fiore                                                                                                                Darnic

Not really anything to say about each one here. They’re fine as they are.            

Could’ve used more Darnic, the 3HGW is a fascinating subject no matter who the Einzbern decide to summon and his actions shaped the whole world of Apo. Personally I’d have cut the Jack business and expanded him as a character/treat, maybe to shed light into CT politics and magus society fuckery (because if there’s something the Yggdmillennia as a whole and each one of them in particular show is how the magi society is an aberration that twist and corrupt everything it touch). But in the end I know it was either Ygg vs CT as promised or Rulers against each other and I’ll gladly take the latter.  A longer series could’ve had space for both, who knows.

Rank “nice arc. There are more interesting people but I’ve come to appreciate you” 

Gordes: Probably the human character who experience more growth in the series.

Rank “wasted” and “decent what little is there, perhaps, but still bitter after five years”

Avicebron: also know as the poor thing similar to the antagonist in background and wish that could’ve worked with the themes while also being a personal foil to the protagonist in being a golem/artificial life creator and user but the writer couldn’t/wouldn’t bother with him for some reason and he only got to be the “Gilles de Rais summon Chtlulu and heroes have to team up to bring him down” of Apocrypha, with no other purpose than being a Zero “homage”. 

To add insult to injury, the Adam threat does literally jack shit on a narrative point because “Servant goes stray and threaten the world, Servants form both factions have to team up to defeat him” already happened, 2 episodes before for the anime, end of vol2 vs beginning of vol3 for the novel version. And Mordred and Shishigou making an alliance with the surviving Black members was already going to be a thing after the Gardens mess. Shame, shame and shame.

Siegfried:  tainbocuailnge here has written some good meta about him lately and, yeah, perhaps all of that was intended, and I can kinda appreciate it. The point is that I couldn’t give a single crap over the OC when for him to come into being means sacrificing freaking Siegfried. I may not have read as much or being already attached to the literature/epic character like other cases but… no, just no. Siegfried deserved way better than what he got in Type Moon. 

Add more personal bitterness because with such numbers I thought it was finally time for the Heroes to shine and for the Masters to be sidelined and instead we got super special super powered MC. To hell with it.  

If anything, Siegfried may be the only character the anime did more good than damage. He’s still there and sometimes get to act as a mentor instead of being a useful power up and then fucking off for the remaining 4 volumes.

Rank “I tried to like you, I wish I could like you, but I cannot stand you no matter what”, 5-4

Astolfo: I’ve tried to like him but to no avail (rest assured, though, that I’ll deck anyone who’ll try use that t*ap or “girl” bullshit). 

It has to be that unholy combination of extremely airhead personality and mannerism, all the screen time he gets that could’ve gone to my favourites, that idiotic attempt at a “love triangle” (for the love of God, Higashide) and a voice acting that, I swear, even if I already didn’t like him from the novel the anime would’ve been the nail in the coffin. All these combined make him grates on my nerves like few other Fate characters. Perhaps part of my distaste comes from being unable to shake the feeling that the author himself don’t respect him.

I realise it’s quite… unfair, because on the page he has everything I usually like: he’s brave, he’s kind, he has morals and will maintain them in front of everything, he stand up to assholes, he save and inspire people, you can overpower him as much as you like and he still won’t care and will still fight you. 

Astolfo is a good, decently written character and I really wish the franchise would just stop using him as a joke and stop being so gross to him in order to cater to even more gross “fans”. 

If I were to put tastes/guts feelings aside, I could praise him for pages. I simply can’t bring myself closing the gaps from appreciating the undeniable qualities to actually like the character. 

Rank: fluctuating between “your concept should’ve been handled by a more experienced narrator” and “goddamn, does your very existence piss me off”, pending more on the second as we go on, less than 4

Sieg: on the page kid’s got a good arc. An homunculus, a magus’s tool, trash to be used and disposed off, gains consciousness and, shaped by what he witness and the actions and sacrifices of heroic figures, rise to free his kin from their slavers and then find himself fighting to “save the world”. How he attained freedom and have come to interpret it and his experiences put him in the path of the antagonist and the two and their “ideologies” makes for an interesting double face of the coin, forced salvation vs free offer and answer to actual prayers. Sounds pretty great. 

Unfortunately, Higashide aimed too high for his skills or didn’t learn well from Nasu and Shirou Emiya, or both. 

Otakus mad because he “got the waifu” aside, Sieg do come across as too damn lucky and overpowered and there is a limit on how much the in-universe reason “damn, the Counter Force had to work hard to give him a chance to stop a Heroic Spirit with hundreds time his experience” can go before the readers start getting annoyed at Heroes dropping dead or getting sidelined just to push him forward. 

I’m not a fan of these buzzwords, but the impression he’s a fan fiction OC that force the original and more interesting cast to revolve around/sacrifice for him or hijack their plots is damn strong. Scrap it, it’s not an impression, it’s exactly what happen. In at least 4 or 5 cases. 

There were also too many times he bore me to death so not really what you want from your protagonist. 

Another thing, more grave than personal preferences: his wish/fight firstly go nowhere, then get resolved too quickly without a fuss and then, once his goal has been effortlessly achieved, he proceeds to tag along and stole duels and confrontations from other characters, on which he had no stakes nor reason to be. What kind of writing is this?! He get the contract with Astolfo, walks in the castle and the Yggd agree on releasing the homunculi. And that’s it. Wow?

Also here’s my 100% personal reason for not having an ounce of interest in Sieg, godly writing skills or not: for once, just once, we could’ve got our first Fate solo female protagonist. An all-around badass but, at the same time, not an Arturia nor Shiki nor Arc nor Aoko clone. Who just happened to be my favourite historical figure ever.

Could’ve kept the same theme of opposing concepts of salvation, brought the Ruler vs Ruler/Saint vs Saint thing in the spotlight, with all their nice baggage of similar lives resulting in  opposite views by different regrets and traumas, faith or lack (that instead got all swept under the rug, and man if the self awareness of vol4 isn’t something to behold) and after five years I still feel personally robbed of all of this, especially when it became clear Apocrypha was yet another “male protagonist with the world revolving around him while the female heroine gets to be his support/sidekick. Oh, and as already said, he get the confrontation with whom the narrative builds as her rival”. Because of course he does. 

You don’t sideline Jeanne frigging d’Arc and expect me to forgive you for it.

Rank “why are you even here, why are we wasting anything on you”

Jack and Reika: ye god, why. The concept behind this Jack the Ripper? I find Fake ver superior but I’m on board. Then, first, that fucking character design. Sorry BL, reddit, MAL and whatever: putting a child in a thong is a revolting choice of character design and no, there’s no “well, she learned from prostitutes” that count.    I appreciate at least the connection made with Atalanta. But the execution. Their “plot” drag and drag on and goes nowhere (hilariously so in the anime. What was the point of Jack killing some random homunculi and disappearing for the whole arc, again?). Their only narrative purpose is doing ???? for roughly three volumes, *do that* to Atalanta and shaking Sieg’s worldview. At least they grant Jeanne some badass solo scenes and to us more insight on her character. Still the equivalent of a anime-only filler, and a bad one. 

Pity, really, because a child Jack who 1. is a child and act as one and 2. get heavily influenced by her/their Master and thus could either become a better person or be exploited wasn’t that bad of a twist for a famous figure but the pair was never allowed to be more than “Apo pair of rogue murderers”. 

Celenike: just… begone. I cheered when she died in the novel, cheered loudly when she died in the anime and will cheer even more loudly when she will die in the manga. 

[persephonestourrp]

Rachel Berry | December 18 | 24 | San Francisco, CA | Vocalist for Divine Influence | Fiona Hudson

[twitter bio here]

Tweet Tweet:

@rachelberry: 

@rachelberry: 

@rachelberry: 

♫ I’ve had enough, this is my prayer ♫

Rachel’s story began with Hiram and LeRoy Berry. After years of partnership and being as close to married as they could legally be, the two men decided to have a baby. After sorting through hundreds of surrogate options, they found a woman who matched their IQ, beauty, and talent standards. After some clever use of a turkey baster (that they promptly threw out), they had a baby on the way. That following December they got the best Hanukkah/Christmas gift possible when they took their baby girl Rachel home.

Home, for reference, was actually San Francisco, California. It was Hayes Valley to be exact, AKA one of the districts of San Francisco with those houses they showed in the Full House theme song (by the way, Rachel would quickly point out those houses are not nearly as big as the show seemed to believe). She was raised in a Jewish home...but they still sort of celebrated Christmas and weren’t super religious or anything. 

Rachel also grew up pursuing various activities. Her parents encouraged her to do whatever she could, so she did music, gymnastics, dancing, horseback riding, everything. And it seemed to be wherever she went, she ran into Kitty Wilde. Kitty was a tiny blonde girl who Rachel didn’t like at first; Kitty was just as rude and opinionated as Rachel could be, and in a lot of their classes, she was sometimes as talented. Maybe even more so when it came to gymnastics and horseback riding. But the two soon became friends, best friends, and they constantly talked on the phone, online, or at each other’s houses. The only disappointing thing was that Kitty didn’t go to her school, since Kitty’s parents sent her to some fancy, religious private school.

And without Kitty at school, Rachel didn’t do so hot. Not grades wise, obviously, because she was a straight A student, but she didn’t fit in well with her classmates. Between her never-ending chatter about everything from musical theater to how her dads had made her, to the animals on her sweaters and high knee-socks, Rachel was, well, a freak. It was a harsh reality for a girl who had been raised by two men who constantly showered her with praise. Even the theater oriented kids seemed to barely stand her at times.

And, as much as she loved her dads, it really made her long for a mom. Her dads would tell her to just ignore the bullies, which she already did, but it didn’t make her feel any better. Rachel was stubborn and strong and never bended to the will of her bullies and never would, but she wanted someone to tell her it would be okay and hug her. And while her fathers did that from time to time, it never seemed to help. Maybe a mom’s hug would be better, right? Even Kitty’s mom did that well, and Rachel was always nervous about it.

By the time she entered high school, she had started to ask about her mom more frequently. Her dads never gave up much information at first, but they finally relented during her freshman year after her fifteenth birthday. They got her in contact with Shelby Corcoran, the woman who gave birth to her. 

Shelby, it turned out, ran a show choir in the East Bay. The two of them met up a few times and talked about musical theater and their lives and their dreams. It seemed to be going great. But Rachel, who had always wanted a mom, didn’t really need one anymore, at least not as much as she had thought. And Shelby, who had always wanted to be a mom, needed to be one, and not in the way Rachel needed one. It was too late for them to have the relationship they had both wanted. So Shelby started to look into adoption and the two decided to stay in contact, but Rachel knew they’d never have the relationship she had craved for years, and it really did crush her.

Before she could tailspin too much about it, Kitty told her some major news; at a sleepover at another girl’s house, she had been molested by the girl’s older brother. Rachel turned all of her own internal crisis energy into helping Kitty through hers. She was as attentive as possible, and when Kitty declared she was switching to Rachel’s school, Rachel was excited to have her best friend at her side. It really made all the mother stuff seem so unimportant.

Kitty, as rude and blunt as she could be, made Rachel update her wardrobe before the school year started. Once school started, Kitty was immediately popular and she brought Rachel up the ranks with her, and Rachel made Kitty do some of the school musicals along with cheerleading and the dance team. School was much more enjoyable for the both of them. They were already best friends, but they truly became each other’s rocks during those last three years. So while Rachel was leaning towards UCLA anyways, knowing that Kitty wanted to go to USC (University of Southern California) helped make that decision a lot easier. The two of them would move down to LA together and start a new life as adults.

♫ That I die livin’ just as free as my hair ♫

Originally Kitty and Rachel moved into a place a girl named Tanya had advertised on craigslist, but after their freshman year, Tanya moved out and they needed a new roommate. They advertised on craigslist in return and, after interviewing some applicants, they finally settled on Samantha “Sam” Evans. While Sam had only just gotten a job at Target, she was actually nice and seemed interested in the other girls’ lives, unlike their previous roommate who mainly hid in her room with her boyfriend all night. The fact that Sam had a bundle of money for first and last month’s rent also helped their decision.

So Sam moved in and easily blended in with Rachel’s tap practicing and Kitty’s Sunday church services. In fact, Sam and Kitty really hit it off with that whole church thing, which sort of hurt. See, for so long it had been just Kitty and Rachel, so seeing someone get really close stung. And Rachel was gone so often for school and voice lessons and practices that she didn’t see her best friend enough as is. Add in the fact that Rachel was Jewish and wouldn’t feel comfortable joining them at church and you had a whole bag of insecurities.

But, being the person Rachel is, she never talked about it. How did you tell your best friend that seeing them befriend someone else hurt without sounding like a crazy, obsessive stalker? Rachel figured that if she just became closer with Sam, the insecure feelings would start to fade.

So the whole band idea was kind of perfect. She got to know Sam better, especially since they wrote the bulk of their songs together. Rachel started to finally feel comfortable in her house again, and she found herself looking forward to band practice almost as much as some of her musical theater rehearsals. Sometimes she even looked forward to it more.

The three of them first went with the name Rsk, because of their initials. They got a few gigs with that name, but after some time, Sam suggested Divine Influence, and the name seemed to fit much better. 

Eventually Rachel and Kitty’s senior year started. Between band practices and gigs and getting ready for her senior showcase, Rachel was constantly busy and almost never rested. Still, it was work she loved, so she couldn’t complain, even if she was exhausted. She actually felt like she needed a break after she graduated. And, to be honest, she wasn’t ready to break up the band just yet. So Rachel auditioned for local productions and worked on songs with Sam and Kitty, slowly starting to get more gigs and polishing their work.

Finally, after months of pleading from Rachel, Kitty called her cousin, Quinn Fabray, and Quinn talked to Sabrina Smythe who landed them an audition. That led to a contract, which all three of them signed.

Once the contract was signed, Divine Influence worked endlessly on their songs, trying to improve old works and create even better songs. In the last few weeks, they met up with The Sirens a few times and got to know each other, and even got one of the members to feature on and help write a track. Okay, technically they had met once when they performed in California and Kitty got Sam and Rachel backstage passes, but it was nice to talk to them as colleagues instead of fans. Rachel was honestly honored when she was asked to perform on one of their tracks.

Their debut album, From Afar, hit shelves in January, and was a pretty big success. They performed on talk shows and in a few events around the country before they got to announce that they were joining The Sirens on their world tour.

And all of that was already amazing, but the deal got even sweeter. After bringing up her musical theater background enough and even posting some of her old clips from myspace, she got the attention of some big theater names. After a live audition, she was offered one of her dream roles, Eponine in Les Miserables. The show is scheduled to start after the tour, of course, but Rachel is obviously excited.

However, it’s bringing up some issues she knows she has to face. Does she want to keep doing the band when the run is done? What if she gets offered the chance to play the lead in West Side Story or, even better, Funny Girl? She loves her band and her bandmates so much, but musical theater was her first dream. For all she knows she won’t love it as much as being in Divine Influence, but what if she loves it more? Can she disappoint her fans? And, even more importantly, can she disappoint her best friends?

So while the show is a dream come true, it’s been making Rachel more anxious, and in some cruel twist of fate, Rachel’s finally experiencing actual stage fright. Along with that, she’s been dealing with awful anxiety issues and even panic attacks. She started seeing a therapist, something only Sabrina and Quinn know about, but Rachel doesn’t want to worry her bandmates over something she thinks is so stupid. What does she have to be anxious about?

It’s not like she could mess up on tour so badly that she’d ruin the lives of her best friends forever and get her Broadway debut cancelled...right?

♫ I’ve had enough, I’m not a freak ♫

Kitty Wilde: While Rachel and Kitty might seem like an odd match to some, the two are truly the best of friends. They’re basically sisters, since Kitty’s parents love Rachel and Rachel’s parents love Kitty. Ever since they were kids, they’ve been inseparable, and after what happened to Kitty, they became even closer. Rachel’s always been worried about her since and has stayed by her side and helped her get to therapy appointments and everything, all of which inspired Kitty to go into psychology in college. That’s why she knows Kitty would understand the whole anxiety problem, but Kitty is dealing with her own problems with accepting her sexuality and all. Rachel doesn’t want to stress her out any further, especially since she’s worried that Kitty might be angry about the Broadway thing. But, hey, at least Rachel’s one of the few people who can tease Kitty about her obvious crush on a certain lead singer of The Sirens.

Sam Evans: When Sam moved in and got along so well with Kitty, Rachel was a bit upset. She hates admitting it, but since she was gone so much, it seemed like she never got to see Kitty and it felt like Sam was replacing her. they had inside jokes and their Sunday church visits and Bible discussion together, so it was a lot. Once they started the band and Rachel got to know Sam more, the two easily became close friends and bonded. Now Sam is second only to Kitty in Rachel’s book, and she’s also proven to be an amazing songwriting partner. Because they’re so close, Rachel can tell that something’s going on between her and Sabrina, but she knows that asking her won’t provide any answers. Instead, she’ll just have to keep an eye on those two.

Quinn Fabray: Seeing as Rachel grew up close to Kitty and Kitty also grew up close to Quinn, Rachel has known Quinn for quite some time. Quinn was always so beautiful and intelligent and had this confidence that Rachel always admired; she was her idol. So when Quinn of all people found her in a bathroom stall hyperventilating from a panic attack, Rachel thought she was going to die from embarrassment. But much to her surprise, Quinn sat down next to her and started working on her breathing. Once her breathing leveled, Quinn even got her to laugh. When Rachel admitted it wasn’t her first panic attack of the week, Quinn immediately got her help with her therapist that she arranged private meetings with via Sabrina. Now the two keep talking more and more, and Rachel finds herself looking forward to seeing Quinn, but this time, it’s not from idolizing her. This time, they’re kind of on equal footing, and Rachel really likes that.

Sabrina Smythe: Okay, Rachel was happy enough with Sabrina for getting her band their recording contract and the touring gig with The Sirens. Her gratefulness grew, however, when Quinn took her to see Sabrina about getting her into therapy. Sabrina, who was often sarcastic and snarky, immediately took the matter seriously and got Rachel an appointment. While Rachel knows a lot of it was to make sure she didn’t ruin the tour, she knows Sabrina also genuinely cares about her wellbeing whenever she schedules private sessions. She’s also grateful that Sabrina hasn’t told her band mates, either, since she doesn’t want to worry them about it. However, as thankful as she is, Rachel can’t help noticing that there’s something odd going on between her and Sam, and her gratefulness isn’t enough to make her ignore it completely.

Marley Rose: While Rachel was honored to work with The Sirens, she was a bit nervous as well. She didn’t know them that well, and she wasn’t sure how nice they’d be, especially Marley, who she worked with the most in the recording studio. Marley, however, turned out to be nicer than Rachel ever imagined. She was so sweet and humble and she gave Rachel compliments that she honestly needed to hear at the time. Even now, Marley still always seems there and asking how she feels and genuinely seems to mean it. She gives her compliments and helps lift her mood. And, hey, seeing as her best friend definitely has some feelings for Marley, maybe Rachel can help push the two of them together. Playing matchmaker can’t be that dangerous, right?

Norah Puckerman: Out of luck more than most anything else, Norah happened to be around their recording booth as Kitty and Rachel were ironing out the song “Turn the Lights Down Low”. She offered some advice and, before Rachel knew it, they were writing the song together and making it better than before. Norah agreed to help record it (and, of course, Sabrina worked out the details for what that would entail). The two had a lot of fun flirting in the song and in the booth, though Rachel’s really not into her that way, and she’s pretty sure Norah doesn’t feel that way about her, either. Norah just likes to flirt. And it’s something that’s fun to do. It’s also nice to have someone on tour who’s Jewish as well, especially after dealing with years of Sam and Kitty bonding over Christianity.

Jackie Puckerman: Rachel met Jackie on set of their music video for “Hey Beautiful Angel”. Right from the get go, Rachel was sure to be nice and polite with her, and that turned out to be a good thing, since now they’re on tour together. It’s also good because Kitty was not so nice to her. Things have seemed to calm down there, though, which is good for Rachel’s anxiety. Having the additional backup is nice as well, and Rachel has been giving Jackie a ton of tips to make sure she’s holding up. Jackie seems grateful for the tips and has been nothing but nice to her.

Fiona Hudson: Rachel didn’t talk to Fiona at much, just because with her own anxiety, talking to new people was very difficult for her. However, when she noticed her and Kat and Kitty not getting along, she sort of wanted to befriend her - yes, partly because she wanted to apologize for Kitty’s behavior and partly because having someone else have a complicated relationship with Kat was nice. Not that she fed into that or anything, but whatever. Anyways, now that Fiona is playing the drums for The Sirens, she’s been trying to get some stage fright tips from Rachel which is truly the most ironic and awful thing to happen to her. She has always been great about giving advise whether people want it or not. Now she’s lost as what to say to her ever.

Katrina Hummel: Rachel’s feeling anxious these days, that much is obvious. Between hiding her therapy from her bandmates and Kitty having to add practices with the Sirens for playing for them on tour, she hasn’t seen as much of her best friend as usual. And while she got used to Sam being her best friend’s new buddy, she’s not quite sure she’ll get over the fad of #KittyKat -- of course fans seem to actually ship them, too, which is also really weird. Anyways, Rachel knows she’s being this insecure brat about the whole thing, since she also knows that Kitty could use an out and proud gay woman to help her through her sexuality issues. It just always sucks when your best friend have a million inside jokes with someone else. Rachel knows she should talk to Kitty about it and actually try to befriend Kat. From what she knows they have a lot in common in terms of a love of musical theater -- though Rachel thinks it’s good that Kat didn’t pursue that since she doesn’t have a strong enough voice for it. What? She’s just being honest.

Blair Anderson: Rachel met Blair after the younger girl started at UCLA. They didn’t interact much since Rachel was, of course, always the lead in the shows and Blair was often just in the chorus, but Rachel always offered her advice and was obviously very nice. There’s something nice about having one of her old back-up singers back, but Blair’s certainly improved. Like, a lot. And her voice is sticking out a bit from Jackie’s because of that, and so maybe Rachel’s reminding her to blend. What? She just wants the tour to sound great. That’s all. It’s not that she thinks “Blam” or whatever is awful, either, she just thinks Sam already has good enough friends in her band and with like Norah and Fiona - and, okay, why is no one hardcore shipping her with a band or tourmate? - and Blair doesn’t need a solo in the encore, because the fans are there for the bands, not her, that’s all. It’s not like she has this fear of Blair taking over or anything. Of course not. That would be ridiculous.

♫ I just keep fightin' to stay cool on the streets ♫

Are you nervous about performing for all those crowds?

[answer here]

Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you grew up with your mom around?

[answer here]

JBI asks: If you could have any role in a movie adaptation of a musical, which one would you pick?

[answer here]