#still not 100% happy with it but it’s much better than the ugly stage it was stuck in for a hot minute

[writingweasel]

Look at him go!

[yujeong]

Writer's ask game: 8, 16, 24, 32.

For #100/wildcard: We're one episode into 4 Minutes. Is there a character that you're already drawn to or excited to write about? Or a detail from the show so far that you're eager to explore in your writing?

Hiiiii! OMG, thank you so much for sending me this, what a pleasant surprise in my inbox 🥺❤️

8. What’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? Do you seek it out? How well do you take it?

Hmm, it depends on who gives it to me and why. If a friend notices a typo or a grammatical mistake - as I do tend to make those - then I'll be happy to be informed, although now that I have my brilliant beta reader to help me, I don't think any of them slip out. In general, I do seek out feedback from them in all the stages of my writing (from the construction of the fic idea, to the characterization, the prose, the editing, the research of the topic, all of it), which happens a LOT - you should see the comment chains on my docs honestly - and for that reason, I wouldn't like receiving a comment on my fics with constructive criticism. I don't see the point when I have people I trust to ask for things like that. I rarely receive comments as it is, so I'd prefer it if people mentioned the positives, how much they liked the story and why. For everything else, I have help + Tumblr, if they want to ask me questions or talk to me about anything.

16. Where is your favorite place to write?

This is going to make me sound like a psycho, but I love writing on my phone while on public transport, especially on the underground train. On my laptop, I can't get into the mindset to write often, especially the last couple of months. I just can't focus much. Normally, when I'm writing on my phone, it's part writing, part editing already-written text. I also write a lot on my notebook, which can also happen on public transport (yes, even smut).

24. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

I'm a very inconsistent writer for this question I'm afraid, I don't have a schedule and it can be days or even weeks before I type words on a doc. But, since you asked, assuming I could keep writing even a little on the daily, I'd say it's between 100-300 words, unless I get super inspired and it goes up to like, 500.

32. Do characters influence your writing style?

Oh, I love this question. For me, I'd say yes and no. No because I believe my prose is...hm, simple and there's not much of a style there? So, even if there are changes between POVs, it's still essentially the same to me.

But also, yes, because every character's POV is different; they talk differently, they notice different things, their headspace varies and all that reflects on the prose. I'll give a few examples:

- Macau's POV is, for lack of a better word, more word-y: he has a lot of thoughts and a lot of anxiety, so it includes longer sentences and it's more emotional. Just an endless flow of angsty thoughts and a lot of casual dialogue, especially towards people he dislikes or doesn't trust,

(Pete doesn't immediately follow him; he's talking to Porsche a little further away from the car, who for some reason is at the main family compound today. Macau doesn’t know why. He got a brand new home as a reward from his uncle, didn't he? He can go there and spare Macau from having to look at his stupid face.)

- Vegas' POV is heavy, with thoughts that aren't always directly stated, due to Vegas being a coward about them. So, his POV does include longer sentences, though not constantly, it includes subtlety, tension, aversion to face himself and it's just generally a more charged reading experience than other ones. Also, my man is very dramatic, so the prose becomes dramatic, too,

("There are days when... when I can't control it," he whispered, as if to prevent Pete from being able to hear him, as if to keep the ugly truth to himself. It was a foolish thought. Pete was able to hear everything, sometimes even things Vegas hadn’t actually said, but were festering deep inside his heart.)

- Porsche's POV is way less heavy, more playful and very observant some times, while not at all observant other times, so there are details that will be missed through his eyes, especially if it's an uncomfortable truth he'd rather avoid. His dialogue is also more casual; he's like Macau in that regard, but his is less childish,

(The moment they're on their own, Pete’s movements become almost manic as he lights his cigarette and inhales sharply, holding it with trembling fingers. Porsche can only look in awe of the shift in Pete's demeanor. Was he like this the whole night and Porsche just didn’t notice?)

- Kim's POV was one of the trickiest I had to deal with. This kid is a LOT: he's incredibly observant, closed off, anxious, suspicious of everyone and everything, avoidant of his own feelings, he yearns for something he doesn't know how to name, and all this makes every single word in the prose carry many different meanings, which as a writer you have to smoothly include,

(Pete flinched. Kim hadn’t even used that much force and Pete flinched. It made that indescribable feeling settle between Kim’s lungs, preventing him from breathing normally.)

- Now, Pete's POV is the hardest and the most challenging, but it's the POV I love writing from the most. He's a person who's not a person, so I try to reflect that through my prose; I've written a whole fic through his POV in which his name is never mentioned. Short, punchy sentences are what I normally write with him, aversion to state the obvious, aversion to acknowledge hurtful things or twisting them into seeming normal or acceptable. I could go on and on about him, but I'll refrain from making this post longer.

(He heard his name. It sounded so strange coming out of Vegas’ mouth. Like it didn't belong there. Like he said it by mistake in his effort to call him something else.)

NOW, for the 100th question, I'd act surprised that you asked me about 4 Minutes, but I think my blog activities have made it quite evident there's at least potential I'll get inspired to write fic for it hahhah.

As it's become tradition with every BOC production, the side couple has grabbed me by the throat. KornTonkla is insanely juicy to me and Tonkla even more so, because we didn't get as many details about him as we did about Korn. What is his work? How did he end up becoming Korn's sugar baby? Why does he still want to work even though Korn is paying for everything? What was the whole deal with the black cat in his apartment? So, so many questions and such potential for exploration in fic form. So, you can expect a fic or two about KornTonkla from me, or maybe even sth solely Tonkla centered, we'll see ❤️

[youryanderedaddy]

♡100 followers special♡

Guys, I would like to thank all of you for all the support since I started this blog, you are the best <3 Btw this is the fic Elon Musk doesn’t want you to see lol, jk jk 

Title: Humanity

Words: 3.6k 

Summary: When you get sold to an odd looking robot after the last failure of a rebellion, things go better than you had expected. Until they don’t. 

tw: robot/AI apocalypse au, dystopia au, slavery, slight non - sexual public nudity, discrimination, vulgar language, mention of death and child abuse (in the past), obsessive behavior, non - consensual touching, angst 

              AD 3061y., 14 September

 Your hometown was in ruins, shattered by the Forces and left without any source of food, clean water or reliable manpower. The rebellion had failed just like the first ten attempts and as much as you had wanted to believe this time would be different, your dreams stayed nothing more than a way to cope with the harsh reality. Any intelligent individual had either managed to flee before the prosecution or died in agony while trying. You could still hear their pained screams ringing in your ear, the desperate look in their pupils sealed forever in your mind along with the sound of heavy breathing slowly fading into the background like your own hopes for a better future.

 The ones who decided to play meek and close their eyes to the inhuman torture happening in the area were spared, but what awaited them could potentially be worse than death itself. You were part of the flock of pitiful weak humans who had surrendered to the heartless machines wanting nothing more than to see mankind squirm and kneel underneath their mechanic heel like a bug. And now you would face the hour of judgment – tired and exhausted, heavy rusty chains around your bruised ankles making every next step a little harder than the last one. But you were certain that the most painful humiliating event hadn’t taken place yet and the thought made your blood run cold. You could recall the countless stories you used to hear on the streets from your friends about androids stealing kids and selling them like cattle to the most powerful leaders of society. Back then you would laugh at them, finding the ideas ridiculous, better fit for a conspiracy theory or a legend rather than an actual threat. But during that time life was easier – the robots were still your friends, just your average citizens, equal to the humans in every manner. It wasn’t until ten years later that some of them realized just how much better, stronger and smarter than the people they really were. That’s how the apocalypse started and that’s how it was going to end. These days the mortals were becoming extinct with the population cut down to one million. You didn’t have names or rights to any possession. Your mere survival had one purpose only – to entertain the machines so they could feel human again. And right now you were being dragged to Soraq, also known as the biggest slave market in the country.

----

 It was just as terrifying as you had imagined it to be. The Capital was supposed to express wealth, luxury and maybe even happiness but your old human views were easily opposed when faced with the mud  covering what was left of the pavement and the pale exhausted bodies of the mortals wandering the streets searching for a hot meal and a little bit of kindness it was clear no one wanted to provide. You reached out to help a young girl sobbing all by herself on the ground but the Officer roughly yanked your shoulder back and ordered you to keep going – his cold hard touch was enough to bruise your skin.

 After a few long minutes of uncertainty your keeper finally stopped, pulling you up some black stairs leading to a small stage and if you weren’t too busy looking around for the others who were captured, you might have noticed the crowd gathered inches away from you. Soon enough you were forced to redirect your attention as you heard the approving screams and cheering below. There were hundreds of robots staring at you, smirking maliciously, pinning you with their cold calculating gazes. You finally realized that this wasn’t just a bad dream or a nightmare, something unreal you could easily run away from by opening your eyes. You were about to become property and the worst part was the way the cruel machines perfectly resembled people – they looked the same except for the dark red pupils each possessed which glowed when going into a fight mode. But unlike humans the androids had gotten rid of their most intimate emotions and fears, turning themselves into empty shells, shiny and murderous with no way to experience anything properly, be it pleasure or pain.

 “Ladies and gentlemen!” The Officers started off with a low chuckle, his heavy hand wrapped tightly around your arm. His voice should have been programmed to be monotone but now it had a playful edge to it. “Today our dear subjects have decided to be feisty yet again. They still haven’t learned their lesson it seems.” He grinned eerily, quickly followed by the mocking laugher of the crowd. Some even shouted slurs and insults but you tried to focus on controlling your feelings. You needed to stay calm if you wanted to survive. “We really can’t expect more from the mankind. They are primal after all, they just can’t learn from their mistakes.” The male robot paused for a second to fix his microphone. “It’s in their DNA code to be foolish and pathetic. That’s why we need to take better care of them.” He whispered the last line down your neck and despite knowing that the machines didn’t have actual lungs, you could swear you felt his cold breath on your sensitive skin.

 “The woman is in her early twenties. Her background is unknown, but she certainly looks like someone you would want in your collection.” The android continued talking as if you weren’t there, his hands all over your tinier frame. The mass was yelling, but you only made out the words „down”, „strip” and „human”. Your eyes watered involuntarily and you let the tears stream down your cheeks in spite of the weakness they showed. It didn’t matter – it couldn’t get any worse so you could at least let yourself experience such little bits of comfort. In the next moment the Officer ripped your old ragged t-shirt, exposing your breasts to the cold autumn air. The hot red humiliation washed over you as the degrading whistles pierced trough your heart. It was such a cruel unfair punishment and you couldn’t even keep your composure long enough to not break down ugly – crying right there.

 “The bidding starts at one thousand eros!” The robot’s evil voice echoed through the area, reaching the market borders. Suddenly all the attention was on your scared vulnerable half-naked self. More than ten androids raised their hands, making your stomach turn in terror. Most of them had unpleasant appearances, resembling old people, usually men. “Do we have two thousand eros?” The officer added quickly afterwards having seen the shown interest. This time there were only five bots willing to buy you for so much money – but the show was far from over. “Am I seeing three thousand eros?” Your keeper kept going, determined to drain your bidders off their wealth, but to his utmost surprise now there were only two robots with their hands in the air – one seemingly younger and the other looking all wrinkled and bitter at the world. You silently prayed that fate would work in your favor only this time and hand you over to the man who would treat you more like a living being and less like an object.

 “Ten thousand eros.” Suddenly the android with a kinder appearance declared out loud, his cold stern gaze fixed onto you. The other male hesitated for a moment, probably wondering whether or not you were worth so much money, but at the end he cursed under his breath and slowly put his hand down with a sour expression. “Sold to K-010 for ten thousand eros!” The automatic voice of the Officer was ringing in your ear like an alarm while the crowd was shouting and cussing, some going as far as to criticize your new owner for giving up his monthly salary for a “cheap human whore”. Next he was invited on the stage to sign off all the needed documents leading to your freedom being ripped away forever and you were injected with a tiny chip which would make your location visible to your buyer at any given time. The android looked at you soon after and in one swift move he managed to place his leather coat on your shoulders, muttering at you to cover up. You obeyed, embarrassed by the reminder that your upper half was still fully exposed to all the hungry prying immortals. When the chains were finally removed, the robot took you by the hand and led you to a small white flying car with a yellow lily drawn on top – the brand was popular among the most powerful members of the Forces.

 “Don’t even think about running away.” K-010 growled when he noticed the way your attention drifted to the nearby road before finally taking your seat. You knew it was pointless now that the tracking device was deep into your skin but deep down you still couldn’t kill the last bit of hope screaming at you to do something before you were too far away to find home again, wherever it was. “If you so much as look outside while we drive, I will use my lasers to turn you into ash. Okay?” You nodded meekly and sank into the soft comfortable seat, wishing that your body would stop shaking in fear but to no avail.

---

 The journey was long and silent but it made you remember the days when music was still allowed and you used to turn the radio all the way up in your mother’s car. You would sing loudly until your throat hurt and your friends would ask you to just shut up and focus on the road. Everything was so normal and happy back then. The stinging nostalgia threatened to overcome so you tried to focus on something else. You finally faced your owner in an attempt to study his appearance. He was probably in his late twenties, his hair white with some black locks here and there, a fashion trend you usually didn’t care much for. You couldn’t afford to bother with your hairstyle when you were constantly running for your life after all. The robotic male had sun-kissed brown skin, he was taller than most human men and his lips seemed softer than most robots’. But the biggest mystery laid in his deep dark eyes, they looked scarlet at first but the more you stared, the easier it was to realize the color was actually brown.

 “Are you a cyborg, K-010?” You asked in a small voice out of the blue, breaking the peace and quiet in the air. The android didn’t spare you much attention with his gaze fixed onto the open sky serving as a road, still he opened his mouth slightly to respond. “My name is Kyle, the numbers are just a formality.” He inhaled sharply as if he was reminiscing a bad memory. “And yes, I am biologically human – just with a few practical upgrades.” You had heard of such people before, the ones willing to become an experiment so they could join the high society oppressing their own neighbors, friends and relatives, setting the lands on fire and destroying the dying environment but you had never met one until today. Honestly, you felt betrayed. It was one thing to be some unfeeling machine’s plaything and entirely another to be owned by someone with a functioning heart even though they weren’t too keen on using it properly.

 “Why would you do that?” You couldn’t stop the question from leaving your lips in the next moment. “You should know what humans have to go through just to stay alive. Today hundreds of us were crushed and sold like some animals! Yet you changed yourself to appeal to their disgusting standards.” You raised your voice, the hot tears already spilling down your cheeks yet again, your fists clenched in pure anger at the foolish greedy man. He simply shook his head and leaned back. “I had my reasons, sweetheart. You don’t know anything.” With that the conversation had ended, you could try and argue or even blame him for being a selfish bastard but it wouldn’t have done you any good so you decided against it. It didn’t matter much anymore.

----

 A few months went by slowly even though time meant little to someone in your position. Living with Kyle wasn’t as terrible as you thought it would be – his mansion was big and spacious, luxurious even. You had your own room and you were allowed to explore the house in your free time. You didn’t have many duties to attend to, your work mostly revolved around cooking, cleaning and keeping company with your owner when he was too tired to keep the robotic mask on and just wanted something sweet, something weak, something more human around. He didn’t want much out of you so you tried to do your best and stay on his good side – there was always a warm meal waiting at the table at night, every window was carefully wiped from the previous dust and the glass was now shining brightly, and you would listen for hours on end to the cyborg’s ramblings no matter how dreadful it could be sometimes.

 But it couldn’t be denied that the man had some odd habits, even if you were to overlook him buying a living being instead of simply hiring a maid. For example, you knew how thin the walls actually were because you could hear him cry almost every night. The half-robot would hold you close any time the news were too loud or a bottle of beer had fallen and shattered on the ground. Still you weren’t allowed to leave his home so all the doors leading to the outside world were locked while he was away or at work. And there were these weird long cuts on his shoulders you had managed to take notice of the first time your master had asked you to bathe him. You hadn’t meant to prey upon his naked form, but the task had been so awkward you needed something to focus on to drive the unpleasant thoughts away. The injuries looked deep and the man would close his eyes any time the soap made contact with them. Finally one day you gathered the courage to ask him what had caused the raw scratches. You were messaging his scalp gently, applying jasmine in his roots, trying to soothe his nerves and get to the information.

 “ ’S not important. ” K-010 answered lazily while arching his back into your touch. More often than not the male would melt under your care and you couldn’t help but wonder just how lonely it was to be neither a human nor a machine. “She is dead now.” He whispered darkly, secretly hoping it wouldn’t reach your ear, yet it did. “Who is dead?” You questioned him after a while, stroking his wet locks until you heard him moan. You were getting better and better at provoking a reaction from the cyborg and despite knowing it was manipulative and a little devious, he was still the ruthless owner who held your one and only life in his palms. You needed to be sneaky if you wanted a safe, comfortable life.

 “My mother.” Kyle added quickly before looking at the blue ceiling, the glossy material copying both of your reflections. The mention of the woman made the sensitive skin of his nape crawl but he kept talking. “The crazy bitch used to beat me every. She even tried to kill me a couple of times.” A slight smile appeared on his full red lips. “It didn’t work out in the end, unfortunately.” So that’s where the cuts were from – he had been violated in his childhood by no other than the person supposed to look after him. You had always hated abusive parents taking advantage of their authority and even now your own imagination made your heart ache at the picture it painted. A small boy being hit over and over until there his whole body was bruised and bloodied. A child with no one to turn to. It didn’t excuse your master’s evil doing but it certainly explained a lot. “Don’t make such a sad face, darling.” He cooed at you, reaching out to pinch your cheek. “I will always be grateful to the Forces since they gave me the power I needed to finally free myself from her grasp. I even buried her myself after everything was said and done.” Kyle grinned from side to side like a little kid waiting to be praised for the picture they had drawn, except now the man was speaking of the way he had murdered his mother. You were at a total loss of words, suddenly too frightened to respond.

 “What’s so special about being a human anyways?” The cyborg grumbled, sounding almost offended of the words you still haven’t said but were definitely thinking deep down. You were staring forward unable to draw away from that one crack in the wall, his words flying above your head. Your confusion was interrupted by the man quickly raising to his knees and catching both of your hands with his strong robotized ones. The cold touch of the metal combined with the camouflage of a soft skin was enough to mess your mind even further into the maze that was his dark gaze. Next thing you knew the male had you pinned on the hard ground, spotlessly clean and reeking of abstergent. You tried to squirm away but the hold of your wrists was too tight and strong to even make your struggling worth the trouble. “Just look at how weak you humans are.” K-010 taunted you, smirking teasingly, cruelly, yet there was something desperate in his eyes, something hidden. “You are so fragile I could probably break you if I were to press harder on your flesh.” He whispered into your ear, breathing down your neck as he dug his icy fingers into your collarbone and made you whimper pathetically at the dull pain. “People are foolish creatures, illogical by nature. They try to fight authority yet the moment they are left with a free choice, they find a way to run from their responsibilities.” The cyborg chuckled maliciously while digging his nails further into your skin.

 “We might be doomed forever because of our emotions but there is something you fail to consider.” You finally spoke out despite your rapid heartbeat and fear so great it could defeat death herself. The predator already had you in his sharp claws and there was no pointing in playing coy anymore. The worst had come to worst. Your words caught the attention of the half-robot and he licked his lips in anticipation to hear what you had to say. “Unlike the androids we can still experience love. And at the end a life without love is a life wasted in the big picture. We might be mortal but you are the ones waiting to die instead of living.” You spat at the man fiercely, ready to face any punishment he would bestow upon your weak tired body for the sheer honesty. Instead he started laughed maniacally, the sound so loud it hit the ceiling and echoed through the house like a pained scream and so violent his shoulders shook to the sides. For the first time his eyes were glowing in a bright red color so saturated and vivid you couldn’t stand to look at them.

 “This is really funny, my little human.” Kyle pronounced carefully, having calmed down. He lowered his head so that his lips were ghosting over yours, just brushing against them. “I belong with neither humans nor robots so why does my chest ache every time I look at you? Tell me, darling, am I in love?” His voice was harsh, husky – as if he was purposely trying to sound evil but the tears in his eyes pointed at another feeling. A raw painful feeling.

 You couldn’t reply not only because you had no idea what to say after the confession but also because you couldn’t breathe properly with his pretty, wicked face so close to yours. Your silence only managed to stir the cyborg up further into his madness and he kissed you roughly, hungrily lapping and biting at your lips until they were sore and bruised, the robotic man more than happy to lick the small drops of blood off. For a moment you considered kicking or shouting for help but there wasn’t anyone willing to in the radius of kilometers. No one of significance cared much about the few remaining mortals. “I could never love you.” You uttered weakly, half – heartedly pushing the man away. You were all alone in this and there wasn’t really a point in fighting someone so much bigger and stronger, yet a sad little part of you hoped that Kyle would leave you alone if you made it clear enough just how much his actions were hurting you.

  “It’s fine if you don’t love me by choice.” Your master replied calmly in a cold piercing voice. His hands were wandering through your form stopping at your hips to draw them into his. The pretty dress you used to like so much was now crumpled and reeking of him, torn apart from your shivering body and thrown away. You wished you could cry but all the adrenaline had left you too uneasy to process the pain and fear. Kyle whispered in your ear while stroking your hair gently and it made you feel like a trembling sheep before a starved butcher. “I own you, little human.” He placed a small kiss on your hot sensitive neck. “And I have enough love for both of us.”

[dreamofmysoul-tsc]

Elias Carstairs, Matthew Fairchild, and the Disease of Alcoholism

I’m very nervous about posting this but I think it’s important. 

Now before you guys scroll past this post, I’m gonna ask that whoever may read this take some time to hear from my perspective. I would like to preface this by saying that I do not know, nor am I claiming to know, what it’s like to face racism and prejudice everyday, nor do I know what it was like to be queer in a time that was less than accepting and terribly cruel to LGBTQIA+ folks. I will not be speaking about either of those things here, as it is not my place to. However, I do know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. I do know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent and I have seen what addiction does to a person and their family firsthand. 

Final disclaimer, I am in no way trying to attack or target anybody. All I am doing is providing my own perspective when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elias Carstairs and the differing opinions I have seen in regards to Matthew. I would also like to state that my experiences are my own, and are in no way reflective of every addicts’ experience or the experiences of their children/loved ones. Addiction affects everybody differently. 

I am also not a psychologist or a doctor; everything stated below are my personal experiences as a child of an alcoholic. 

Now let’s get started. 

CW for alcoholism, substance abuse, abuse in general, and death

Elias

When I first started Chain of Gold I didn’t anticipate how much I was going to relate to Alastair. Honestly, I didn’t have strong opinions about him either way; I didn’t hate him, but I didn’t love him either. That was until it was revealed why Elias was sick all the time, and what really happened during his mission. I have never seen alcoholism portrayed in a novel ever. I’m sure there are novels which talk about it out there, but I have never come across one. And for the first time in my life, I felt like somebody understood. There are countless characters in The Shadowhunter Chronicles who have touched my heart, but I will forever be grateful to Alastair and Cassandra Clare for making me feel like I didn’t have to hide anymore, that I was allowed to talk about my father’s alcoholism. Because for 18 years, it had been my secret. For my mother, it had been even longer. 

My father has been an alcoholic for my entire life. I’m sure this is common sense for most people, but an alcoholic cannot be a 100% good and supportive parent. Those two things do not mix. Most alcoholics are alcoholics because of shame, pain, or other mental health problems that they have not sought therapy for. I would also like to say that alcoholism is a disease. It physically alters the brain to make the addict believe that they need to drink just as much as they need to eat or sleep. When you are constantly drunk, it can increase stress or anxiety in everyday life and leaves the addict at risk of developing depression if it was not already there. Many alcoholics suffer with depression, general low self esteem, or various other mental health problems before abusing alcohol; these problems are then exacerbated with daily alcohol consumption. 

My father never abused us, mentally, physically, etc, and he never has. He carries a lot of mental pain and shame with him, which he has continually refused to seek help for. He drinks because he does not like himself; he feels that he isn’t deserving of help. He feels like he messes everything up. And as a child, I used to make excuses for him. “Well, he never hurts us, so what’s the problem?” “It doesn’t affect his work, so what’s the problem?” I was naive then. No matter how “functioning” they may seem, an alcoholic cannot live a completely healthy, happy, and fulfilling life if they drink everyday, even if it seemingly doesn’t affect their work lives. Alcoholics are very good at hiding their addiction. I cried when Cordelia described finding bottles in odd places, or when Alastair described how he tried everything in his power to hide it from his sister and their community. I used to find beer cans stashed under the kitchen sink. Sometimes I’d find them in the spice cabinet. I don’t like inviting friends to my house because I can never be sure if my dad will be 100% sober. I didn’t want people to see him that way. I don’t want to see him that way. 

I have seen a decent amount of posts on various platforms of people wishing Elias dead or wanting him to be completely x-ed out of Alastair and Cordelia’s lives. And while I totally understand the protectiveness many people feel toward Alastair and Cordelia whenever their father is involved (I love them to pieces, too), as somebody who is a child of an alcoholic, I do not and would never wish my father dead. The thought of it makes me sick. Thus far, we know very little about Elias and his personality. We don’t know if he has ever physically harmed Alastair or Sona. This is not to invalidate mental or emotional abuse either, which are just as terrible. And while he does seem to be biased towards Cordelia, which in and of itself isn’t fair, there has been little evidence to show that Elias is violent or abusive. Of course Chain of Iron could prove me wrong, but as of now, I don’t want to immediately assume that Elias is abusive. Alcoholism does not equal abuse, although alcohol can be an expedient to violence. I do not want to invalidate the Carstairs’ experience if that is the case, but I do not want to jump to conclusions either. Of course you can call me lucky because my father has never harmed us in any way. But personally, I find that insulting. When a parent is an addict, regardless of whether or not they harm their children or how involved they are in their child’s life, they will end up leaving their child with mental scars whether it was intentional or not. My father’s addiction and the addictions of countless others cannot be measured on a scale. Addiction hurts everybody it touches, no matter how normal the addict may seem to the rest of the world. 

I know this Elias section is already so long, but I have a bit more to say before I move on to Matthew. Alcoholics make choices, many of them poor choices. They decide whether or not to seek help. They decide to drink another beer. They decide to drive drunk, even if their child is in the car with them. It is a disease which completely takes over every single part of their life. And while it negatively affects their lives and the lives of their loved ones, that does not mean that they are undeserving of help. Any addict, whether they’re addicted to alcohol or heroin or cigarettes, anything at all, needs help. And they most definitely should not be mocked or attacked for their addiction or their attempts to get help for it. Regardless of whether or not they are in recovery or in the thick of their addiction, there is absolutely no reason to mock them. There is no reason to tell them to “just quit drinking.” There is no reason to call them a “junkie” or a “drunk,” no matter what stage of their addiction or recovery process they are in. 

I am in no way excusing Elias’ behavior just as I in no way excuse my father’s behavior. He [Elias] needs to be punished for showing up to a mission drunk and consequently being unable to keep those four Shadowhunters from dying. He needs to apologize to his children. He needs to apologize to his wife. And he needs to recover. Addiction is an ugly, ugly thing. It never just affects the addict. It leaves their loved ones with scars, whether they’re mental of physical. Personally, I can’t stand the sound of metal beer or soda cans being cracked open anymore. I’m terrified of getting married. I can never feel 100% comfortable or safe around drunk people. I refuse to drink. I don’t like thinking about how the only time my dad has been 100% sober was when we visited my grandparents for a week and he had no opportunity to slip away to buy alcohol. I don’t like thinking about how my mother has had to deal with this for decades. I want my mother to be happier. But I also want my dad to recover. Living with an alcoholic isn’t black and white; I don’t hate my dad. I hate his addiction. I love him. He’s my dad. I don’t like seeing him that way. I know Alastair doesn’t like seeing his father that way either. But no matter how much you scream or cry or fight with somebody, people will not change unless they themselves want to. 

Matthew

This section will be much more brief because many of my thoughts surrounding Matthew are similar to my thoughts surrounding Elias. I would like to touch on two things, however.

I have seen people talking about Matthew, or more specifically Matthew’s friends, saying that they don’t understand why they [The Merry Thieves and Co] seem to be ignoring Matthew’s alcoholism or aren’t doing anything about it even if they do realize he has problems with alcohol. Part of it is because of historical context; alcoholism wasn’t considered a disease until very recently, and the beliefs that alcoholics can either a) stop drinking whenever they want or b) are abusive, useless members of society still persist to this day. But the other, bigger part of it is relatively simple: people won’t change unless they believe they can change. Addicts need to want to change in order to begin the recovery process. You can’t force them to. If their heart isn’t in it, they’ll attend therapy or AA meetings a couple times to appease you, and then they will start drinking/using again. Or they’ll lie to you even more, telling you that they did attend a meeting or a therapy session when in reality they bought another pack of beer. Matthew will not seek help unless he believes wholeheartedly that he can change. He needs to believe that he is worthy of change and he needs to truly want to get better in order to begin to make significant improvements in his life. Of course relapses will happen, but the point is that he wants to improve his life. He wants to recover. No matter how much James or Thomas or Cordelia or Lucie tell him to change, no matter how much they want him to get better, he simply will not unless he wants to. It hurts. It really does. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You can love somebody so, so much, but your love is not going to make them better. Your love will not magically make their addiction go away. To reiterate what I said about Elias earlier, you can scream and cry and fight and give them all of the love until you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t want help, they will not seek it out. Matthew needs help, but more importantly, he needs to come to the realization that he is deserving of that help. He is deserving of a successful recovery. Every addict is.

Lastly, there is something about Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship that has never sat right with me. Children of alcoholics are statistically more likely to get into a relationship or marry an alcoholic because it’s what feels “normal” to us. And while I have always wanted Matthew and Cordelia to become friends, part of this is the reason why I don’t want them to have a romantic relationship. I don’t want Cordelia to have to continue that cycle, never able to escape the effects of addiction. I want Matthew to focus on himself. I want him to recover. I want his friends to support him. I want both Matthew and Elias to have a successful recovery, because the amount of addicts who die from their disease every year is staggering and upsetting. Of course Matthew is deserving of love, but he needs to focus on recovering, both from his addiction and his trauma, before he puts all of his energy into a romantic relationship.

----------

Overall, I want Alastair to have time to be himself, to not have to carry the weight of his father’s addiction on his shoulders. I want Elias to recover and to apologize for how he has hurt his family, whether it was intentional or not. I want Matthew to forgive himself and to realize that he deserves to take up space in this world just as we all do. And I ask that you, whoever may be reading this, to try to feel a little more compassion for these characters and addicts you may know or meet in your life. Or to put yourself in their shoes and the shoes of their loved ones. We should not be mocking them, or hurting them, and we certainly should not be wishing death upon them. There are far, far too many addicts who have died because of their disease and their mental pain. When dealing with addicts or the loved ones of addicts, I ask that you try to support them and encourage them to seek help, whether it’s therapy or AA or any number of support groups. The effects of alcoholism and drug addiction will stick with the addict in recovery and their loved ones for the rest of their lives. Some days will be harder than others. But the important part is that, when those hard days come, they have a support system of therapists, family, friends, even people online to remind them why they are in recovery and to encourage them and their progress, no matter how small. An addict in recovery, no matter how slow or fast their progress may seem, is better than an addict who has died because they never sought out the help they desperately needed.

If you read through this entire thing, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read through my personal experience. This topic is very important to me, and while I’m relatively new to tumblr, I still felt the need and the obligation to share my perspective. I’m not trying to sway your opinion of Matthew or Elias, just to maybe make some people think about this complex issue. If you aren’t a fan of either of them, that’s totally fine. If anything, what I would like you to take away from this is to be more aware of alcoholism and its effects. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. I will be providing resources below if you or a loved one needs addiction counseling or help, or if you simply would like to learn more about this. If you have anything to add to this, would like to share your opinion, or have a question for me, feel free to reblog or message me in my ask box. Please be respectful, y’all! This is a sensitive topic and it affects everybody differently; I want this to be a civil discussion, not a witch hunt.

Thank you very much for reading and considering my point of view. 

Resources:

What is Alcohol Use Disorder?

SAMHSA (a helpline)

Alcohol Rehab Guide (this website also includes educational resources and a helpline)

Substance Abuse Helplines and Treatment Programs

How Parental Alcoholism Affects Children

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No.1

Jupiter, as well as your Moon in your Natal chart, can show your addictions just as much as Neptune can. Jupiter is about excess and your Moon is your emotional state. Where one feels comfort or how they process these things/emotions.  Mercury placements or Mercury Dominant often make people great lyricists and communicators. Many famous rappers are actually Gemini’s (Notorious B.I.G, 2 Pac, Kanye, Kendrick, Andre 3000, etc). That's because Gemini is ruled by Mercury/the god of communication. He also rules the lungs. People with this dominance are very good with wordplay and are blessed with the gift of gab. 

Your Sun is still important

...despite modern astrologers attempting to throw it away. Your sun is your core. Your ego. Your basic identity. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand more-- we are heliocentric as a galaxy. This means all our planets orbit around the Sun. The same goes for your natal chart. Say you have a Gemini Sun and Capricorn moon but seem to identify more with Capricorn-- Your moon is your emotional habits-- and you know what they say about habits: they’re hard to break. This simply means you will always be a Gemini at your core even if you have the emotional tendencies and habits of a Capricorn. The same goes for those who say Lunar Scorpios are more ‘Plutonic’ than Solar Scorpios Now, it may seem that way, but this myth is only prevalent because emotions are extremely primal and powerful things. When they rear their head in a Plutonic way, people mistake the intensity for dominant power when in reality more drama does not equate more scorpionic influence. In fact, Scorpio’s are rarely the types to put on a show. They leave that for their Cousins-- The Cancers, The Arians [also ruled by Mars] & the Pisceans. True Scorpios prefer to be the tacticians. The ones who quietly observe their surroundings and flex when it comes to spatial awareness. They will rarely draw unnecessary attention to themselves and emotional scenes will often be kept under lock and key/private.

Speaking of Scorpio’s cousins, believe it or not, Aries, Sag’s and Cancers are the true divas of the zodiac, not Leos. That’s because Leo’s are upfront about what they want and will not surprise you with their scenes.

You know what’s coming/always knew it was there.  As for the aforementioned three, these triplets demand attention and praise or notice from others. Aries demand to be noticed for their prowess and skills, Sag’s can be excessive and demanding-- they want what they want and they want it NOW. No questions asked. Fueled by fire and Jupiter’s penchant for drama--you will never forget it if you don’t cough up what they demand. I.E. Nicki Minaj and her Grammy stunt[s]. Cancers give ultimatums to expedite the process of getting what they want. They are hard-pressed to demonstrate patience for people or to wait for situations to play out. They are never about the long game. They can be very coercive and forceful. At their worst, they can even be bullies. Of course, this is not the rule, I often find that December Sag’s, are more intense than November Sag’s. April Arians are less high strung than March Arians and July Cancers tend to act out more of the ‘diva qualities’ mentioned above than June Cancers.

Pluto is your friend.

Yes, the shadow is your friend. Pluto often gets a bad rap for being this torturous unknown force that comes to destroy/transform but that is not the case. Pluto is all about transformations, yes but transformations for the better. He is the garbage man. He gets rid of the trash. Toxic relationship? Ok! Pluto will rip it from you. It will hurt. You will cry. But after you’ve used up all the kleenex, you will have spidey senses. You will see those red flags before they and their cheap cologne darken your doorstep. You will level up. And while you’re doing that, Pluto will let you watch as he terrorizes your abuser. Pluto is justice. Not like Libra where all is fair and balanced by the scales. Pluto is Karma. Karmic Justice at that. The equalizer. He will show you the ugly of all those who wore the mask of ‘friend’. See, Pluto gets nasty rep because he forces you to see what you’d love to ignore. He makes you feel what society tells you to be numb to. Euphoria, Obsession, jealousy, bliss, even paranoia. Pluto is the depths. You need to feel. Jealousy is not an ugly emotion, ENVY is. They are not synonymous but people use them interchangeably. Pluto can be jealous, but jealousy is simply the sensation that something important might be taken from you. Envy is seeing someone have something, and hating them for it/not wanting them to have it. Pluto is not envious. He rules the underworld and in his realm live all of Earth’s riches. Gems, diamonds, gold, jewels. He is the wealthiest-- what could he possibly be envious of? Paranoia is equated to him too, but this is simply an exacerbation of his skill at being prepared. Pluto is a GENERAL. He wants you to have a PLAN. And when you don’t he forces you to get one, whether you’re prepared or not. Pluto is Chess, not Checkers. Pluto is the bandaid ripper. Pluto's love is cold and hard but empowering. He exposes. Shows the ugly. Friend’s you weren’t sure were enemies? Pluto rips their masks off so you have no choice but to see their ugliness. You will be disenchanted. Maybe even heartbroken. But a moment of grief for a lifetime of healthy happiness is Pluto’s payoff. Pluto also represents in the chart the area where we can most empower ourselves and elevate our lives and our dignity. Pluto will disempower your just to elevate you and make your story of failure a story of victory. He’s the ULTIMATE glow up King. Pluto shows us where we can triumph if we find a way to revolutionize or otherwise radically transform/change ourselves internally, despite our external challenges. Plutonic cleansings are like working out or giving birth. Excruciatingly painful to the point where you feel like you want to die but the result is a whole new body/person you’re absolutely in love with. He is purging.  Again, Pluto is about evolution. He does not and will not allow you to stay stagnant/in one stage of your life. He forces you to grow and if you won’t he has no qualms with making you. Pluto is not soft. 

Speaking of which. This includes his influence in the bedroom. Often people will talk about plutonic influence in a dark way. As if his influence sexually is something dark/forbidden or something to be ashamed of. Quite the contrary. Pluto rules sex. Literally. It was his domain before it was anyone else's’. Therefore, everything about sex is simply an offshoot of his influence. The rougher, primal, knee-shaking, back-scratching, neck biting, squirting/screaming orgasm, ball-gag wearing stuff? Completely ‘OK’ in his book. He wants you to experience that. The reasoning is that Pluto loves to explore and honor edgier sentiments within. Pluto urges us all to normalize fetishes and fully embrace this side of ourselves. Why? Because Pluto wants us all to live our truth, not hide. Can’t say the same for his brother Neptune though.

See, Neptune is who you should be worried about.

Neptune is the ruler of what is hidden. The realm of the unknown. All that is fantastic, the stuff of fantasy, illusions, dreams, day-dreams, etc. He puts a veil on things. Adds confusion to the mix. makes things hard to see. While Pluto strips away the hidden, Neptune happily puts on the blindfold. Not only does he hand you the rose-colored-glasses, he hands you a ruffied pint to go with it. The essence of this planet is ILLUSION.  With Neptune, it can be difficult to ascertain where and how things are working against you, or you have a hard time figuring out who or what it is. Neptune is about confusion. Neptune clouds your judgment, so you're especially vulnerable to deception and trickery. [Those with hard Neptune aspects can testify] Enemies can be especially difficult to make out/avoid when he’s involved and bad judgment all around can be a theme when he rears his foggy head.  What also makes him so dangerous is because he walks around looking like everything you want. The dream of dreams, if-you-will. As a result, he makes you receptive to mind-altered states. Can even make one prone to hallucinations, the use of poisons such as drugs and alcohol. Even spending copious amounts fo time building castles-in-the-air and neglecting reality. You become addicted to whatever he lays in front of you. The fantasy is more alluring than reality. With Neptune adversely aspected or too many hard aspects to inner planets, this can cause chaos that can negatively impact a native or those closest to them. Neptune on Mercury can be particularly dangerous if ill-aspected because it can cause dishonesty to a pathological degree or simply mental instability. Think Joe Goldberg from ‘You’. 100% crazy 200% delusional. This guy definitely has a shot a gallon of Neptune in his natal cocktail. Manufacturing scenarios that aren’t really occurring. Obsessively daydreaming and idealizing strangers. Successfully conning others into thinking he’s a normal and stable guy when he’s anything but. His judgment is clouded as is the judgment of the poor souls who encounter him, while you, as a viewer, watch in horror. That’s what Neptune does. You won’t see reality until it’s wayyyy too late [RIP Beck].  Neptune rules over all chaotic feelings, and can easily un-focus the lens, making us inclined to obsess over impossible dreams and yearn for far-out things. OMG Neptune is all about yearning. Yearning for the unattainable. But as Dumbledore said: 

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

But that’s what Neptune will make you do. Forget to live. Dwell on the impossible. Make you prone to hypnotic mindstates that steal moments of your life away. Sex with Neptune can be almost spiritual but it can cause one to get addicted to the rush, and with Neptune clouding judgment, one can perhaps become addicted to sex or even participate in risky sexual behavior. Neptune at its worst also influences death by mysterious means, suicides, death by drowning, disappearance, or even poisoning if found in the eighth house or connected to it.

Neptune is a beautiful planet. Methane causes it to have that brilliant blue hue. It rains diamonds. But again, there but the aura/odor around it is methane. In layman’s terms? The planet literally smells like shit. This classic example of not all that glitters is gold. Tread very carefully when Neptune is around and keep your eyes peeled. Something or someone may not really be what it/they seem. Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3 Astro Musings No. 4  Astro Musings No. 5 Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8  Astro Musings No. 9  Astro Musings No. 10

[whalien51]

Bye bye SOOP 2(crying)

So,it was not as good,exciting,inspiring or healing as ITS1. But that’s understandable. Even if I had paid money for it,I still wouldn’t have wanted BTS to act any differently in it.

There is a lot of stuff that I loved about it,but that deserves a better post than I can make right now so I’ll just complain here for now(maybe someone feels the same)

What didn’t work that well,about In The Soop 2,for me:

- Location. Those houses were ugly af on the outside. Kitchen was too big and luxurious. Yoongi’s background painting too depressing(sorry Yoongi). Camera angles weren’t helping create the same comforting intimate atmosphere like ITS1. I feel bad for the team that renovated the mansions to say this,but it looked less great on camera than the previous location. Also there was no river. Maybe that’s a minor difference but to me that mattered a lot. The space did not make me want to be there. Despite the size of the buildings it felt claustrophobic. Both Joon and Hobi went outside the main Soop area,but somehow it still didn’t help much.

- Timing. Having a second SOOP season is not a bad idea,if BTS want it too,but you can’t expect it to be the same when BTS are in a very different place now compared to spring 2020. ITS1 came at the right time. It was at the beginning of the pandemic,when everyone’s future was uncertain. A peaceful retreat in nature,full of laughter and good food and new ways of exploring creativity was useful both for BTS,and for the viewers,who at that time were maybe feeling similarly trapped and frustrated. Just watching such a close-knit(and well-fed) group of friends exist together so harmoniously in that quiet calming space while trying on new different daily activities everyone could do,was inspiring and healing.

But this SOOP happened at a completely different stage in BTS’ life. This was in-between Butter and PTD promotions,and who knows how many schedules they had packed around those 4 ‘healing’ days. At times it even looked like they were catching up on as much sleep as they could before they wouldn’t have that luxury again. Also you can’t really force self-reflection times,and I’m very happy they didn’t try. I was a baby army during the first Soop and not used to reality TV of any sort,so I kept doubting everything. Are they really that close? Are the conversations genuine or scripts?(also surprised they just showed that really sus Jikook drunk night moment just like that). I really had a few months where I was obsessively looking for hints that they were lying and weren’t all liking each other that much lol. But them being allowed to spend time apart and not talk much now just proves ITS1 was real,and that makes me happy.

-Editing. Maybe because there was less content to choose from,but I feel this SOOP,the editors were more focused on showing whatever felt interesting but didn’t focus on telling a story. Or maybe they hoped they could recycle the ‘healing/time for us together’ concept from the first season,and BTS’ real actions didn’t 100% fit with that this time(but,they’re BTS,they never do what you expect them to anyway)? I’m not blaming either BTS or the editors. You can’t force stories. Or,you definitely can,but I’d rather they didn’t. I prefer a more disjointed reality show then them being made to do something they don’t want just to fit with a central theme. Their main interest was in playing sports this time,so I’ll personally think of that as the main point this season.

-In my personal opinon,not enough music or art. There was that pool scene which is the highlight of the whole season for me,and some karaoke,but it felt less? They were singing all the time in the first season,with mics or without. I couldn’t get Hobi and JK’s random singing out of my head in ITS1. There was the SOOP song lol. There was Blue and Grey on the river and Taehyung serenading Namjoon from the boat. I guess the timing really wasn’t right this time and they were in focused work-mode(and also worried they might spoil something?)so it was a lot more quiet. Also,they got better at painting but they were less attached of their art this time,except Tae.

-It would have been nice to have the same types of eating and talking together ITS1 moments again,but I only want them if they happen naturally.

What I don’t give a shit about

-Ships. I literally have no bias when watching this so any duo or trio is fine. More than fine. It just amazes me how all 7 have so much chemistry with every single other member. YoonJinHope? I didn’t think of this trio before and now adore them. VHope? Move aside Yoonmin and Jikook,those are my new biases. Until Jihope start ghost-hunting. Until Minimoni hug(my heart..). Until Namgi start talking about music. etc. Look,it’s hard to stay loyal so I’m not even trying.

Would it have been fun to get more Jikook moments? Sure. But I’m not owed any type of content,*especially* if those two people might be in a relationship for real. Maybe they want to keep their late night conversations private. And I’m not gonna pretend that Taehyung pestering Jungkook to cook for him wasn’t funny.

-Them being entertaining. Actually I’m side-eying people who look at them like they’re zoo animals and expect them to “do something”. If it gets too boring watching them cook(not anytime soon,that shit is entertaining af),I’ll just pick something else,the internet content I can watch is endless. They don’t owe me anything except good songs and performances. I will complain about those,but not about reality show scenes. And,not gonna lie,if they just decide they want to gradually tone down their entertainer personas because they might be lowkey tired of reality shows after 8 years,I’ll support them. Hybe who? I only support JinHit.

Anyway,this has been not really a rant. I’d personally watch BTS watch paint dry all day. Sorry I’m a delulu fan and I’m just too fond of them. But objectively,this season could have been better if it was filmed at a different time and in a different place. I think?

Maybe I’ll delete this and make a proper comparison between the two later,but who am I kidding.

[crystal-methionine]

The Post-Eurovision ranking and comments from an American that nobody asked for:

1. Switzerland 🇨🇭 Gjon’s Tears - Tout l’univers: I absolutely was enamored by this song, its artistry, and the artist. He can really sing and one of my early favorites from this year. So happy for him to get in the top 3 bc it was well deserved. 100/10

2. Italy 🇮🇹 Måneskin - Zitti e Buoni: Deserved winners. As queer as you can get and I am here for it. Another early favorite of mine constantly fighting with Switzerland for the top spot. 100/10

3. Iceland 🇮🇸 Dadi og Gagnamagnid - 10 Years: A beautiful song dedicated to his wife and deserved Top 5 for sure. Last year’s song would have won hands down so I’m bummed he couldn’t win the first one for Iceland but brilliant song and I hope the group stays together to produce more music. 99/10

4. Bulgaria 🇧🇬 Victoria - Growing Up Is Getting Old: Eurovision fandom will forever say Imaginary Friend or Ugly Cry was the better song to send, but I don’t think they would have won the contest either. This year was strong, and I personally think Growing Up was a perfect choice from Victoria. It deserved top 10 so I was pissed that it came 11th on the night and received so few televotes. 97/10

5. Ukraine 🇺🇦 Go_A - SHUM: To all y’all who said this wouldn’t qualify when the new version came out, eat those words hun. This was a masterpiece, and the live performances just elevated it further. Honestly, Kateryna could step on me, and I would let her. Who doesn’t love an ethnic modern fusion rave? 95/10

6. Serbia 🇷🇸 Hurricane - Loco Loco: I honestly have to say when it came out, it was never breaking my top 20, but here we are. This group of gals is amazing. The choreo, hairography, and the still great vocals won my gay ass over. They served and deserved top 10 in my eye. 90/10

7. Greece 🇬🇷 Stefania - Last Dance: Much like Serbia, I kinda dismissed this as a top 10 song at first, but after many listens and then the live shows, it was one of the best songs this year. Last year’s song was nowhere near a qualifier for me, and then I thought they had a good chance of being top 5 this year. Amazing improvement and can’t wait to see what comes next from Stefania. 80/10

8. Malta 🇲🇹 Destiny - Je me casse: Not going to lie, the studio definitely did more for me. It was up with Italy and Switzerland for winner contention until the live shows. Don’t get me wrong, Destiny is still amazing live, and the song is a deserved top 5 song. However, the costume and staging just really didn’t add to the song and I think detracted a bit. Her song last year was also much better in my opinion. 75/10

9. San Marino 🇸🇲 Senhit ft Flo Rida - Adrenalina: Oh boy this was a party, and the fact Flo Rida actually was there made it even better. The staging and costuming was absolutely camp, and I was here for it. This was definitely not underrated by fans beforehand, but the jury and televote were beyond robberies in my opinion. Granted I know the backing vocals were carrying the chorus a lot so in terms of vocals, I can see where this song got dinged, but this should have been San Marino’s best ever result at Eurovision, and it wasn’t so I’m mad. 60/10

10. France 🇫🇷 Barbara Pravi - Voila: The new Edith Piaf and probably one of the most representative of the country’s culture for a song. A definite deserved runner up on the night but for me 10th place. I loved the staging, the costume, the emotions. It was all right for Eurovision and me. 50/10

11. Cyprus 🇨🇾 Elena Tsingarou - El Diablo: Come through Cyprus with another female pop banger. I’d say if the formula ain’t broke don’t fix it, but wasn’t really enough to crack top 10 this year. Another early favorite of mine this year but soon got eclipsed. Still going to be listening to El Diablo for a while. 49/10

12. Russia 🇷🇺 Manizha - Russian Woman: I can’t lie that at first, this song was absolutely trash to me but quickly rose the ranks and became one of my faves. Same thing happened last year with Uno. We also always love a good female empowerment moment with the native language thrown in. Manizha is a girlboss without the gaslighting and a true queen. Deserved top 10 the night of. 40/10

13. Lithuania 🇱🇹 The Roop - Discoteque: An earworm for first listen and was top 10 for a while for me but like Cyprus, lost out to some others. No doubt this is a deserved top 10 the night of. 35/10

14. Croatia 🇭🇷 Albina - Tick Tock: The first song to get me pressed on it’s placement. Deserved to be in the final over both Israel and Norway (please come for me I don’t care). They freakin rocked that stage during the semis and the song is absolutely a bop. Albina deserved better. 30/10

15. Sweden 🇸🇪 Tusse - Voices: A beautiful song by an amazing artist. Sure the lyrics were a bit cliche Eurovision but guess what...it’s Eurovision. I can hear the voices. Keep carrying on Tusse. 25/10

16. Albania 🇦🇱 Anxehla Peristeri - Karma: This song grew on me a lot. I liked it but wasn’t a don’t skip for a while on my playlist. The live performance changed it for me. She slayed and the staging was everything for Miss Thing. Also native language brownie points. 24/10

17. Finland 🇫🇮 Blind Channel - Darkside: Before you come for me for having this at 17th, keep reading. I’m not a big fan of the lyrics but the song is absolutely fantastic. This style of music isn’t something I pull out on a playlist often, but I had my middle fingers up for this one (and pointed at Germany but we’ll discuss later). Deserved top 10 as they rocked it on stage. 20/10

18. The Netherlands 🇳🇱 Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age: I absolutely do not understand the hate for this song. I was also a huge fan of Grow last year so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised for being generally alone again. The fact it got 0 points in the televote and only 11 in the jury is not surprising but extremely disappointing to me. This song is a masterpiece much like the ones ranked above it. Jeangu, you are amazing and deserved so much better than this. 20/10

19. Belgium 🇧🇪 Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place: Fantastic song but fantastic artists. Always here for a dark pop moment. Gonna go get my own Johnny Cash T-shirt. 15/10

20. Spain 🇪🇸 Blas Cantó - Voy a Quedarme: Such a heartfelt ballad. I enjoyed it quite a bit and don’t understand the hate it has. Didn’t deserve 0 points in the televote. 14/10

21. Denmark 🇩🇰 Fyr og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden: Look we all know this song is cheesy but it’s the cheesiest Velveeta queso loco so it’s ranked so high in my opinion. This is a nod to the whacky and weird Eurovision I love. It’s always in my head and I always find myself dancing along. Deserved to be in the final over two of the songs in Semi 2. 13/10

22. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 Efendi - Mata Hari: As far as the song goes, it’s enjoyable, but the stage show was a hot mess in my opinion. The choreo looked a mess and the different sheer legging configurations on the backup dancers was not the correct fashion choice in my opinion as I was distracted by the thought of why are they all different. Did deserve their spot in the final though. 12/10

23. Moldova 🇲🇩 Natalia Gordienko - Sugar: The studio version of this song is a heavily replayed one on my playlist bc of the drop and dance-ability of the song. However the downfall of the song was it’s live performance. The staging was fine and the choreo was great but those attempted sexy whisper vocals were not the choice to go with. I don’t want to sugar-coat this 😝 so they were terrible. Glad she made it but I felt her position in the final was one of just pure luck. 11/10

24. UK 🇬🇧 James Newman - Embers: The nul points was a huge ass oof. This song isn’t bad but I can see where people didn’t vote for it bc it’s not super memorable in terms of who all was participating this year. I like the song and always sing and dance along. 10/10

25. Israel 🇮🇱 Eden Alene - Set Me Free: This is how to do a revamp and be successful. Eden is a fantastic artist who can clearly sing, but the live performance was not all that sans the whistle tones. Yet the whistle tones aside, the song is lacking a lot. When looking back at the songs available, this one should not have been the selected one. I was always on the fence with this one and still am. 9.5/10

26. Czechia 🇨🇿 Benny Cristo - Omaga: The live definitely hurt this song in the first minute and a half. The second half was absolutely what should have happened in terms of vocals. Still like the song and listen to it often. 9.25/10

27. Ireland 🇮🇪 Leslie Roy - Maps: This song was a victim of a super strong bloodbath and shoddy staging ideas. The song is arresting and a bop. Leslie’s gruff voice mixed with the modernized Irish sounds is a match made. The staging of this song that required Leslie to run along with the beat and the distracting and constantly changing bits of the performance we’re definitely it’s downfall. It didn’t deserve last place in Semi 1 though. 9.25/10

28. Portugal 🇵🇹 The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side: I am the first to admit that while I don’t like the song, it deserved the final. The staging and atmosphere elevated the song. 9/10

29. Austria 🇦🇹 Vincent Bueno - Amen: In the battle of the Amens, this one wins solely based on the classy and amazing staging. Don’t get me wrong, Slovenia’s was also elevating but this one did it better. 8.5/10

30. Australia 🇦🇺 Montaigne - Technicolor: This song is a fantastic one for studio. The live since the Sydney Mardi Gras performance has been rough and didn’t necessarily improve. I feel bad bc I do really love this song but it definitely didn’t deserve to qualify. This being said, I love Montaigne, and Don’t Break Me was my runner up last year, and I still listen to it as my anthem when I’m feeling down. I wish I could rank this higher but I can’t. 8.5/10

31. Romania 🇷🇴 Roxen - Amnesia: This song is great in the studio but it got old real fast for me and I don’t know why. This mixed with the poor vocals and the bizarre costume:stage combo was really what did this in and got this low in my ranking. 8.25/10

32. Slovenia 🇸🇮 Ana Soklic - Amen: The loser of the Amen battle, but just barely. The song and vocals are better in my opinion but the whole package was just barely edged out in the end. 8/10

33. Latvia 🇱🇻 Samanta Tīna - Moon Is Rising: Look, this song is nowhere near as good as last years. The queeeeeen sashayed away with that annoying trap beat. 8/10

34. North Macedonia 🇲🇰 Vasil - Here I Stand: Leave it to the gays for bringing musical theatre to Eurovision. The song honestly isn’t that special or memorable but he’s higher up bc his stage and voice are amazing. 7/10

35. Norway 🇳🇴 Tix - Fallen Angel: A great message on mental health outside of the song and Tix seems like a quality fella but I do not like the song. I preferred it in Norwegian. And this low ranking is not at all influenced over him beating out Keiino (but maybe a slight bit tho). 5/10

36. Estonia 🇪🇪 Uku Suviste - The Lucky One: While this was 1000% better than last years entry, it still was relatively boring. The stage was equally as boring so sorry Estonia, but you didn’t make the mark. 4.5/10

37. Poland 🇵🇱 Rafael - The Ride: This throwback to the 80s was a bad one. The attempt at a one hit wonder vibe really hurt it along with the artist’s terrible vocals. Also half the time, he was behind the pyro and relying on backup vocals. 4/10

38. Georgia 🇬🇪 Tornike Kipiani - You: You really should not have to wait so long for the more upbeat rock ending of this. If it was that last 30 seconds for 3 minutes, it would be much better. A definite step back from last year. 1/10

39. Germany 🇩🇪 Jendrick - I Don’t Feel Hate: Jendrick might not feel hate but I do bc that is all I feel when this song comes on. 0.5/10

[korejinnie]

BTS ‘ON’ Official MV Theory Analysis

In the first scene, we see a battlefield of dead bodies and flags. This scene can refer to any battle or war in general. War is usually fought to gain independence and justice for one's country/homeland. In this case, battle represents death.

Like I said, fighting for justice and independence. Jin in the following scene is shown holding a dove with an arrow struck through it's body. This is similar to Jin in Fake Love, when he was holding the lantern filled with lily petals that turned to dust.

"Nothing gold can stay" - Robert Frost I believe this is BTS' way of saying, to really achieve higher goals or get to where they are now, they had to fight a really long time (like 100 years war), even if this meant sacrificing parts of themselves, their happiness. Nothing stays forever, nothing gold can stay. Happiness doesn't last forever. They must experience pain and misery in order to be reborn. You must die in order to be reborn into a better place and a more enhanced stage in life.

In the next scene, we see Jungkook running away from something or somewhere. His hands are bound by black thorns. The first thing that came into my mind was slavery. Slaves such as Harriet Tubman, when trying to escape from their slave owners had to risk their life in hopes of escaping to a new and better place. Escaping from slavery is not an easy task. In this case, you can imagine Jungkook as a slave, and his slave owner is his shadow. The thorns that bound his hands can also be a reference to Jesus' crown of thorns. Jesus sacrifice himself for the greater good of the people. After his crucifixion, he would eventually be reborn on Easter. 

 Come Prima = Like before 

 Death and Rebirth, again like before.

We see that Jungkook finally escaped out of the maze (maze runner) that's trapped all the boys in for so long. To put this scene as one of the first scenes of the MV, is to show the audience a preview of the ending when BTS finally escapes.

Next scene is a reference to Make It Right. The little blonde-haired girl represents ARMYs, and the boy represents BTS, as most of you may already know. However, the girl is wearing a blindfold. A reference to the movie Bird Box, signifying how BTS tries to protect us from the bad and the ugly of their journey. They only want to show us their best, and they only want to show us the beauty of the world. In Bird Box, the blindfold protects the main protagonists from a force that threatens their lives.

The next scene is a reference to Noah's Ark! Again, the idea of risking one's self in order to save the greater good. You may think BTS is noah, but I feel like BTS more or less represents the ship. The reason why BTS existed in the first place was because there was a reason for their existence and we are the reason. For Noah, he was given instructions from God and instructed to build a ship to save not only his family but also all the animals. BTS is the ship that carries us all. The ship in the MV seems deteriorated and filled with flaws, but with everyone, and all the members together, the ship will be fixed and complete. 

In the next scene, Jin is holding the cage with the dead dove inside. But if you paid attention, you'll notice that the cage actually ended up moving a bit. This is signifying the rebirth of the dove. And also, why are there so many cages? Well, reason possibly being that BTS has tried many MANY times to free the dove successfully (escape successfully to freedom and independence), but failed, symbolizing how throughout their entire career, they've had to fail many times in order to get to where they are today.

Anyways, in the next scene, we see Jungkook fainting from running. Though Map of the Soul: 7 is not a part of BU, it still reminded me of this scene in BS&T where Jungkook threw up then fainted in the restroom:

All the trees are dead and Jungkook is lying on the floor with a black crow pecking at him. 

Black Crow/Raven = Death 

BTS is in the process of dying to be reborn.

Ok next scene is this scene, which feels like some type of Yoongi cult (lmao),  but also reminded me of Handmaid's Tale (which idk if anyone thought of that). Again, the idea of being oppressed and confined in a controlled society. Controlled by Shadow.

SHE MAY BE BLIND BUT SHE CAN SEEEE 

 She is ARMY, ARMY may be protected by BTS, but we were always there, looking straight across towards the goal. We knew there was a way out, it was always there. We guide BTS towards their goal. The door is right there.

As Taehyung takes the blindfold off of the little girl, the door begins to open. This is BTS trusting us and unveiling their struggles and shadow side to us, believing that through this process, we will gain a better understanding of them, and together, this will help push and lead us towards a better future, together. Together, we are one, and we will be stronger than ever. Hit us with whatever you have, however many bullets you got. We don't care anymore, we will face whatever the future holds head ON.

It's also important to note that, one of the reasons the main protagonists in Maze Runner never tried to escape from the maze at the beginning of the story, was because they didn't know what lied ahead outside of the maze, and they didn't want to know because they're afraid. Now we are united as one. You see how Jin also brought the dove that he thought was once dead, but now revived with him. As they all gathered together, the dove was finally released and free. We are finally free.

Anddd now a reference to Lord of the Flies! In Lord of the Flies, "the conch represents civil discourse on the island, and only works as long as the boys all believe in its power and the necessity of the idea it symbolizes". The conch is a fragile and vulnerable object, which is the reason why the characters in Lord of the Flies would take such good care of the conch. 

When Jungkook blows the conch, he is calling out to the rest of his members in order to alert them, which is what Ralph, one of the main protagonists of Lord of the Flies did, to alert his friends. 

But what is Jungkook trying to alert his friends of? 

The incoming explosion. The Shadow is coming, it's chasing after them. (Just like Pompeii)

This scene represents BTS getting ready to go head-on with their shadow. They're ready to fight for their freedom and independence.

The next scene shows Jungkook holding the conch, wearing a dark velvet red robe along with the rest of his members, just like how they did in Fake Love. 

ON is the reverse of N.O. 

NO = being trapped to conform 

ON = liberation from being confined

In fake love, the boys were running away from their fears, but this time, they're facing their fears head-on. They're no longer afraid of their shadows because they have ARMYs. Instead of keeping their fears to themselves, they're now sharing it with us.

The fireballs from the volcano that blasts out can be seen as bullets. They are no longer afraid of whatever comes, no matter how many bullets that comes at us. We are bulletproof eternal, hence "We are Bulletproof: The Eternal".

After they've learned to face their fears and shadow head on, everything that was once dead now revives and is reborn. The trees that were once dead is now growing again, and the boys finally escape the maze they were once trapped in.

Now finally, we have the Lion King reference. 

Circle of Life = Reincarnation  

"What goes around comes around". Come Prima. 

Just like before, they die then are reborn again.

Each white dove you see in this scene represents a member of BTS. The members continue to walk towards the top of the cliff. And in the next scene, we see Jungkook run straight towards the top of the cliff, smiling.

Again, though Map of the Soul: 7 is not a part of BU, i found a nice and interesting parallel between this scene in the MV and Prologue:

Jungkook runs towards the future, along with the rest of the members walking towards the future behind him, knowing that better and much greater things lie ahead. No longer are they afraid of what the future holds. They know, the future holds amazing things for us.

HYYH The Notes, Map of the Soul: 7 

2 August, Year 22 - Yoongi 

"If we are together, we can smile"

In the end, we can see that BTS are actually Divergents (referring to the book and movie “Divergent”) and that's why they're walking away. In No More Dream era, they were stuck without a dream, they were being confined into the different factions that society told them they should be put in.

Now they have a dream.

[americanredragger]

A Letter to My Mother (That I am too scared to send)

Okay. We’re having this talk now. I have been putting it off because there’s never been a way for me to keep my cool long enough to say it straight. I’ve been nice, I’ve been polite. I’ve walked away from conversations rather than address this directly because I don’t want to lose my mom.

Yesterday was unlike anything in American history. There is no both-sides-ism to be taken here. There is no even vaguely similar violence unleashed by the Left. This isn’t to say that NO violence has ever been unleashed by the left, it can and does happen. But nothing like this. This is unprecedented in both it's scope and audacity.

Unless you can point to an instance in which a Democrat president (or Senator, or Governor) whipped up a riot and unleashed those rioters on the Seat of Government of the United States of America, causing it to be breached and overrun by a hostile force for the first time in 207 years, the things don’t equate at all.

Unless you can point to a riot held by alt-right wingers in which the police cracked down on them HARD to the level of being condemned by the International Criminal Court as bordering on war crimes, the things don’t equate at all.

This was a direct assault on our government by a crowd whipped up by a sitting president. This has never happened before.

The Capitol Police removed the barricades and guided the insurrectionists in.

They chatted and took selfies with them. Exchanged fist bumps with them.

The seditionists were allowed to leave with few arrests, just… gently guided out once the barbarian hordes had their fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaPTjQZBLhQ

And yes, Trump (eventually) told them to go home, but refused to condemn what they'd done and finished his speech with "We love you. You're very special." and continued to refer to his political opponents as "evil".

This is quite literally unprecedented in American history. As in, nothing comes close. That's what "unprecedented" means.

If this had been BLM, the response would have been entirely different. DC would be on lockdown. The police would be bringing WAR to the streets. There would be helicopters, APCs, and beat cops dressed like the US Army rolling into Baghdad in 2003. The DC area hospitals would be overwhelmed with rioters suffering from horrific head and spine injuries from trigger-happy use of rubber bullets and night-sticks. Hell, Trump tear-gassed ACTUAL peaceful protesters last summer just so he could stage an awkward photo op in front of a church, which even the Clergy called him out on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzBhYhu7NYI

Don't you DARE equate the two.

I'm tired of the whataboutisms. I'm tired of ignoring the evidence right in front of you. Donald Trump is the single most corrupt, evil man America has ever elected to the presidency. He has worked hard to transform the Republican party into something that actual Holocaust survivors and experts have called "Neofascist" and even less flattering terms.

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/10/5/17940610/trump-hitler-history-historian

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2018/07/16/its-not-wrong-to-compare-trumps-america-to-the-holocaust-heres-why/

https://www.delawareonline.com/story/opinion/2020/10/25/holocaust-survivor-fears-rising-tide-ugliness-blames-trump-opinion/3740781001/

https://forward.com/scribe/455507/100-year-old-holocaust-survivor-compares-trump-to-hitler/

https://www.sacbee.com/latest-news/article223718330.html

Historians and victims of fascism the world over point to what Trump and his transformed Republican party have been doing as president when asked how the Weimar Republic fell and the Nazi regime rose.

The overwhelming amount of terrorist attacks in the last five years have been Trump supporters (Well over half stemming from that singular cause, with the rest divvied among a MASSIVE swathe of motives), but none more so overwhelmingly so than yesterday's.

There is no left wing equivalent for this in America until you go all the way back to the Weather Underground bombings, and even they were not goaded on by the incumbent politicians of a party.

Your party has been STOLEN from you. The Party of Lincoln, Eisenhower, and Reagan is no more. And now it’s stealing you from your children as we have watched you and dad drift further and further into the Hannity-Limbaugh-Carlson echo chamber.

88 years ago next month, right wing extremists set fire to the Reichstag in the Weimar Republic. Over the next few days, they seeded reports that it was actually the communists, maybe socialists, no, it was definitely anarchists… or was it trade unionists? Either way, it HAD to have been The Left who burned down the Reichstag.

This was used to expand and hold onto the power of the Chancellor, a man who need not be named. The next few years proved to be sorrowful for everyone.

That same blame-shifting is already happening again, but it's not in some far away country, it's happening here, where we all thought it couldn't.

This sort of event is unprecedented in the United States, or it was until yesterday. It is not so unprecedented elsewhere.

The only difference is that this attempt failed.

The attempt was made because Trump’s own administration found that this was the most secure election in American history, and Trump’s lawsuits to the contrary were laughed out of court by Trump-appointed judges, including his Supreme Court justices, and his exceedingly incompetent and well-documented attempts to get state officials to overturn a legitimate election all failed.

I still believe you and dad are good, honest people. Patriots who want America to do well in the world.

You can not-like Nancy Pelosi, or Obama, or Biden, or Hilary Clinton. That’s your prerogative, and we’ll agree on plenty in that regard. You’re well within your rights to believe that my preferred economics don’t work. We’ll disagree heartily, but that’s normal for families, especially between parents and their kids.

But your party has been hijacked by neofascists, malignant narcissists, and white supremacists.

I am on my knees BEGGING you to see what so many experts and victims have been warning you about for years.

The Left did not do this.

Trump did.

You have been led astray by an vain, selfish, greedy demagogue, a well documented honorless grifter who embodies everything Christ opposed, and uses people until they have nothing more to give him and discards them. He has cloaked this latest grift in the American flag and set a cross upon it, the only way Fascism ever COULD take root in America, as we saw with Joe McCarthy in the Second Red Scare.

It’s changing you. You can’t see it because it’s happening to you, but those around you can, and it’s scaring us.

Please, finally, truly see this. I want my parents back. You’re going down a path I can’t follow and it’s breaking my heart.

In 2016, I broke from the Republican Party because I saw calamity coming in the nomination of Donald Trump. Only 4 years later, and history has soberingly showed me that I was more right than I could have ever guessed, and my world view has never been the same since. I have looked back at the political opinions I wrote and posted then, and they were so selfish and hateful that it was physically painful for me to put myself through that review. I was a puppet. I couldn’t have seen it at the time because I was at the center of it, and I still live in dread of the monster I would have become if I’d kept to that path. I see that same kind of speech coming from you now - the jingoism, the recycled talking points, the Orwellian denials, and the near-unquestioning loyalty to the stars of the Republican Party and their mouthpieces at Fox, OAN, Newsmax, and the AM Radio circuit. I see the most selfish parts of who I used to be, and I know that deep down, you are not that person because I still see you constantly striving to be a good mother, a good Christian, and a model human being.

I’m imploring you to finally look at the evidence, the boundless clear and present evidence, and see what men like Gingrich, McConnell, and Trump have turned your party into. What they are turning you into, the same as they tried with me.

I know you wouldn’t be happy as a Democrat - I myself am only begrudgingly a Democrat because the system doesn’t allow for a viable alternative (and that’s a whole different issue that deserves it’s own library of articles). I’m not trying to convert you. I just need to know that you can look at the evidence with your own eyes like I did and see that you’ve been played for a sucker by men who cry wolf and distract you by having you chase shadows while they line their pockets with money and power. Please stop listening to these monsters, stop swallowing their poison. I know how easy it is to be in that world because I myself have lived in it for most of my life. I fully understand the appeal: there are easy answers for everything, you always know who the enemy is and who your supposed allies and benefactors are. But I also left that behind, and yes, it hurts. It hurts a lot, and frequently. But despite the pain, I know I am better off for having done it.

Yes, I have to question the people who claim to represent me more. I have to question EVERYTHING more because I now know that nothing is as clear cut as I thought it was - once removed from Plato’s Cave, I no longer had the luxury of a simple world. And yet I am still happier because I am so much more my own person now. Yes I falter, and worse still, some days I fall back into the old ways of thinking, but now I recognize that for what it is and it is easier to deal with.

You’ll always be a Conservative, Mom, but I see you on the path that I was on, a path that nearly robbed me of my critical thinking and objectivity, and one which would have weaponized my sense of patriotism to benefit people who are not me. You have kept that course far longer than I. Please put aside the whataboutisms, the both-sides-isms, and finally see the evil, ravenous monster that killed your party from the inside and now wears its skin to deceive you into feeding it further.

I don’t ask that you agree with my politics or economics. I AM begging you though to split from this political machine which is changing you into something I no longer recognize. I want the parents I used to have, the ones who could look at things objectively and form their own opinions instead of repeating talk show buzz lines.

Please, recognize the shadows on the wall of the cave that wicked men are showing you are NOT reality. Please, join me in the truth of the world outside.

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

The Master List of the Summer 2020 Chopped 3.0: The 100 Fanfic Challenge!

Thanks so much to everyone who participated in this third run of our full Chopped Challenge! We are so happy that this fun little idea that we got from @chants-de-lune continues to be such a success!

In this event we had Historical Body Swaps, Sci-Fi Reunions based on TV/Movies, Epic Platonic Fantasy Heists, and Crazy El Dorado Adventures! We received so many creative and exciting fics that were a thrill to read. We hope you guys had as much fun writing and reading these fics as we did, and we hope you’ll join us for more events in the future.

Please check out all the Chopped 3.0 fics below. Don’t forget to leave the authors some love!

———

Round 1: Historical Fics

Tropes:

Body Swap

Competing “Businesses”

Meet Ugly

First Kiss

On a Tear (Rated M) [Emori/Murphy/Raven] by @sparklyfairymira

Summary: Raven Reyes doesn’t get along with John and Emori Murphy - the owners of the only other speakeasy in Arkadia. What happens when her world is turned upside down and she finds herself inside Emori’s body?

2nd Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Theme, 1st Place Body Swap Trope, 3rd Place Competing Businesses Trope, 1st Place Meet Ugly Trope, 1st Place Tie First Kiss Trope, 2nd Place Best Dialogue, and Most Unique Pairing Winner.

A Change of Heart (Rated G) [Bellamy/Clarke] by @queenemori

Summary: When Clarke’s mother informed her she’d be spending her summer in England’s newest seaside resort, she did not expect such an eventful trip. She was only sent to see if they actually posed a threat to her family’s resort in Brighton. She did not at all expect to make an enemy of the architect’s nephew. But when an unusual situation arises, Clarke and Mr. Blake must learn to work together, no matter how much they dislike each other.

Or, a loose Sanditon AU

1st Place Best Overall, 1st Place Theme, 3rd Place Body Swap Trope, 2nd Place Competing Businesses Trope, 3rd Place Meet Ugly Trope, 1st Place Tie First Kiss Trope, and 1st Place Best Dialogue Winner.

May We Meet Again (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke] by @changingthefairy-tale

Summary: Clarke and Bellamy both show up to assassinate the same target. Chaos ensues.

3rd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Theme, 2nd Place Body Swap Trope, 1st Place Competing Businesses Trope, 2nd Place Meet Ugly Trope, 1st Place Tie First Kiss Trope, and 3rd Place Best Dialogue Winner.

———

Round 2: Sci-Fi Fics

Tropes:

Based on a TV Show/Movie

Reunion

Kiss to keep cover/keep a secret

Forehead touches

and i’ll never say i love you (but i meant it all along) (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke] by @bellamysgriffin

Summary: When Coach, a dating system that pairs you with someone for an allotted amount of time and gives no way to bypass its rules, matches Bellamy and Clarke together, they find an immediate dislike for the other. Luckily, they only have to spend twelve hours together and then they can go their separate ways.

That is, until Coach matches them again. And again. And again. Until they start to wonder if something deeper is going on.

Or, Bellamy and Clarke in Hang the DJ

1st Place Theme and 2nd Place Based on a TV Show/Movie Trope Winner.

Per Aspera Ad Astra [Through Hardship to the Stars] (Rated G) [Bellamy/Clarke] by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold

Summary: It’s boredom one fateful night that leads Clarke Griffin to ditching the first basketball game of the season. That same boredom then leads to her choosing to hang out with one Bellamy Blake – which should feel weirder than it is since they haven’t really been friends since his sister’s disappearance two years ago.

But then their night really takes a turn.

The two of them discover a strange audio frequency that could change the small town of Arkadia, New Mexico – and the future – forever. Dropped phone calls, forgotten tapes, and strange lights follow Bellamy and Clarke as they race through the night on a scavenger hunt to discover the truth. That maybe there was something more to Octavia’s disappearance, maybe there’s more to their friendship than being just friends, and that maybe they aren’t as alone in the universe as they thought.

2nd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Forehead Touch Trope, 2nd Place Tie Kiss to keep cover/keep a secret Trope, and 1st Place Reunion Trope Winner.

through the muted waves (Rated T) [Murphy/Emori] by @the-most-beautiful-broom

Summary: Scientists call the Tomorrow People the next stage of human evolution, the government denies their existence, but their cocktail of psionic abilities have made homo superiors the target of Eligius. Even though Eligius has closed the project that allows Tomorrow People to override their genetic inability to kill, they still relentlessly hunt them, desperate to neutralize their abilities. When Murpy wakes up in Eligius headquarters, he knows he’s returned for a reason…if only he could understand his connection to the brown-eyed girl who keeps cropping up on the corners of his memory.

3rd Place Tie Theme and 2nd Place Tie Kiss to keep cover/keep a secret Trope Winner.

in the red snares (Rated T) [Octavia/Lincoln] by @justbecauseyoubelievesomething

Summary: The prevailing theory around the existence of Slayers (her existence) is that a variation of the alien parasite the miners unearthed deep in the Sub Stratum started infecting hosts in order to combat the vampire parasite. Octavia scoffs at the thought. The theory is probably right, especially since Monty is pretty confident in it, but she still hates the whole thing. The Slayer parasite really needs an upgrade in her opinion.

3rd Place Best Overall and 3rd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

The Cockroach (Rated T) [Murphy/Emori] by @mobi-on-a-mission

Summary: “This is the cockroach hailing Mission Team Alpha. It’s Sol 30 here on good ol’ Planet Alpha. Not that it’s really a planet, but eh whatever. Technicalities, right? Anyway. Systems check. Arm: healing. Bugs: normal. Radio: shitty. Attitude: good.”

1st Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Theme, 1st Place Forehead Touch Trope, and 3rd Place Reunion Trope Winner.

I’m No Hero (Rated T) [Murphy/Emori] by @queenemori

Summary: It’s 2052 and Reapers are wreaking havoc on mutants and humans alike. Murphy is recruited by Kane and Jaha to go back in time to prevent Octavia Blake from starting an international crisis that made the future much worse. But going back to the past comes with some side effects, mainly having to do with some relationships that Murphy left on bad terms.

3rd Place Tie Theme, 3rd Place Based on a TV Show/Movie Trope, and 3rd Place Forehead Touch Trope Winner.

from angels or devils (Rated T) [Octavia Blake] by @dylanobrienisbatman

Summary: Octavia was dead, and then she wasn’t. The nuns say it was the gift of an angel, but they may not know as much as they claim.

Will she be able to learn to channel it’s gifts, or will she be claimed by the villain who has followed the Halo through time and space?

3rd Place Most Unique Source Material Winner.

Can’t Tell if this is True or Dream (Rated M) [Echo/Gabriel] by @kuklash

Summary: “Do you understand your mission, agent?” A cloud of smoke punctuated the Director’s question, streaming from his mouth in thick, grey ribbons.

“I am to evaluate the necessity of the work Dr. Santiago is doing and report back at the conclusion of the investigation,” Echo repeated her instructions. Her lungs filled with second-hand smoke and she stifled a cough.

“I hope you appreciate the delicacy of this mission, Echo.” His intense gaze bore a hole into her’s. “Gabriel is not to know the nature of your assignment.”

She met his gaze with equal intensity as she stood up to leave.

“I understand, sir.”

1st Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

There are some things written in the stars (Rated G) [Bellamy/Clarke] by @changingthefairy-tale

Summary: Dear Bell,

I know you have a million questions. When I planned to come see you in Sau Paulo, I knew I wouldn’t have much time, and there was just too much I wanted to say. But also so much I knew I couldn’t. My only hope is that this journal answers some of your questions, and by some miracle saves your life.

My name is Clarke Griffin, a historian. We’ve never met before today, in your time at least. In 2019, I would be just starting my professorship at Arkadia University back in the states. That’s honestly the only reason Murphy didn’t fight me on seeing you — no chance that I’d cross paths with myself. He wouldn’t have been able to stop me, mind you. But he’s definitely the better pilot, so I’m glad he was on board.

I’m getting away from myself. It’s hard to remember a time when you didn’t just instinctively know what I was thinking. It’s felt a little like you’ve just known me my whole life, the way we’ve always been in sync. Let me start from the beginning, just rip the bandaid off…

Or the “Timeless” AU you never knew you needed. Submitted as part of the Chopped Challenge: Round 2.

3rd Place Kiss to keep cover/keep a secret Trope, and 2nd Place Reunion Trope Winner.

Healing AIs, Healing Hearts (Rated T) [Octavia/Raven] by @spacekrulesbians

Summary: Raven and her mother were a perfect team, working with damaged and mistreated AIs and tech. When tragedy strikes, however, Raven has to figure out how to make it on her own. And then there’s that new assistant her mom hired, making things interesting.

1st Place Most Unique Source Material and 2nd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

inconceivable (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke] by @kindclaws

Summary: The first touch of his fingers on her wrists makes her whole body shiver. She’s so painfully aware of him being just behind her, of the wonder and the impossibility of his existence here, that she has to remind herself to keep breathing as he slowly picks apart the knots binding her hands together. “If I turn around, will you be gone?” she murmurs. “Is this a bad dream? Will you be dead again when I wake up?”

“I’m real,” he says softly, and finally the last knot falls away and her hands are free.

It’s practically inconceivable.

(Chopped 3 presents: The Princess Bride. In space, bitches.)

1st Place Based on a TV Show/Movie Trope, 1st Place Kiss to keep cover/keep a secret Trope, and 2nd Place Most Unique Source Material Winner.

———

Round 3: Fantasy Fics

Tropes:

Heist AU

Character gets given a potion that makes them unable to lie

Garnderer AU

Forehead kiss

What Is Mine (Rated T) [Jordan & Hope] by @memoriisendgame

Summary: Jordan learns the important lesson of family and friendship as he attempts to get back something he feels he rightfully deserves.

5th Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Tie Heist AU Trope, 3rd Place Forehead Kiss Trope, and 2nd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

A Change in the Weather (Rated T) [Murphy & Clarke & Raven] by @sparklyfairymira

Summary: Murphy leans over, plucking a weed from between the Bitter Spolwoods. “There you go. All better now. Can’t let that mean old weed try and strangle you, can we?” He grabs the water jug by his side and waters the ground around the plants before stroking the purple leaves. “You’re doing so well here. Look at you getting so big.”

“Are you talking to the plants again?”

Murphy grins as he turns to face Raven. “I don’t know why you’re surprised. I always talk to the plants. Why do you think they grow so well?”

“They’re plants, Murphy.” Raven raises an eyebrow as she stares at him.

“Exactly.” Murphy turns to the plants again, lovingly stroking the leaves. “Ignore her. She just doesn’t understand.”

Or: A friend is kidnapped causing Murphy, Raven, and Clarke to join forces with others to save him, all while set in a magical fantasy world.

3rd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Truth Serum Trope, 1st Place Forehead Kiss Trope, 1st Place Tie Gardener AU Trope, 3rd Place Best Descriptions, and 3rd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

We will begin again (Rated T) [Raven & Gaia] by @dylanobrienisbatman

Summary: Over two centuries ago, Man stole the Giant’s Heart from where it was protected by the Witches, and with it, they gained great power. But the longer it is away, the more damage is done to the planet.

Can Raven, along with her companions, return the Giant’s Heart to the Witches and restore balance and prosperity to the world?

1st Place Theme, 1st Place Heist AU Trope, 1st Place Best Descriptions, and 1st Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

picture me in the weeds (before i learned civility) (Rated T) [Clarke & Murphy] by @probably-voldemort

Summary: There are three days from when Clarke was seven that she doesn’t remember. Not odd in itself, except for what those days contain. She remembers leaving her house with her neighbour John to play in the woods like they did every day, and then she remembers coming home three days later. She has no memory of where they’d gone or what happened or why John never came back.

Now, Clarke returns to the woods for the first time in sixteen years. After running into someone from her past who shouldn’t exist, Clarke begins to wonder if everything she’s believed for years could really be a lie.

1st Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Tie Theme, 2nd Place Forehead Kiss Trope, and 1st Place Tie Gardener AU Trope Winner.

talos bless us (Rated T) [Echo & Raven] by @spacekrulesbians

Summary: When Bellamy gets himself captured by Imperials, sisters Raven and Echo plan the ultimate heist to break him out of a closely guarded fort, aided by a dark elf and a khajiit.

4th Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Tie Theme, 3rd Place Tie Heist AU Trope, 1st Place Truth Serum Trope, and 2nd Place Gardener AU Trope Winner.

truth lies in an abyss (Rated T) [Bellamy & Clarke] by @justbecauseyoubelievesomething

Summary: “Thank you for meeting me here.” Her dark blue hood obscures most of her face, but when she tilts her chin towards him, her green eyes flash in the starlight.

He nods demurely. “I take it you have a proposition for us?”

She hesitates. “Is it true what you can do? Enter the Fade?”

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t true.”

“And are you as good as they say you are?”

Bellamy lets a faint smile cross his lips. “I don’t know what they say, but I can assure you I take the utmost pride in my work, Lady Griffin.”

A Fantasy Heist AU for the Chopped 100 Challenge

2nd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Theme, 2nd Place Heist AU Trope, 3rd Place Truth Serum Trope, 3rd Place Gardener AU Trope, and 2nd Place Best Descriptions Winner.

———

Round 4: Championship Fics

Tropes:

El Dorado

Frikdreina

Telepathy

Free Space

The Life We Seek To Find (Rated T) [Emori/Murphy] by @memoriisendgame

Summary: “Alexia and Blue, they’ll have a better chance there. You will have a better chance there. Trust me.”

Murphy and Emori make the daring decision to travel across the unknown wasteland of Earth in order to find the so-called ‘City Of Light’ in the hopes of finding a better future for their little family.

-Loosely based on “Bird Box” in the sense that there is a safe haven a long journey away.

1st Place Frikdreina Trope, 1st Place Telepathy Trope, and 2nd Place Tie Best Plot Twist Winner.

Am I dreaming (Or is this burning an eternal flame) (Not Rated) [Emori/Murphy/Raven] by @sparklyfairymira

Summary: A post-apocalyptic story of soulmates.

Murphy never thought he’d meet his soulmate - let alone find out he had two. But that’s just what he does while he and Bellamy searched for Octavia. And now he’s expected to help save the world? This was not how he was expecting his life to go.

3rd Place Best Overall, 3rd Place Tie Theme, 3rd Place Tie Frikdreina Trope, 2nd Place Telepathy Trope, 2nd Place Author’s Choice Trope, and 2nd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine (Rated T) [Emori/Murphy] by @queenemori

Summary: Emori doesn’t do normal. That’s something she’s never had in her life. It’s why she doesn’t really question it when she starts having weird dreams that have absolutely nothing to do with her. And why she doesn’t question it when she happens upon the subject of the dreams, either. Like this mysterious guy, she’s just along for the ride.

A modern retelling of Emori and Murphy’s first meeting.

2nd Place Best Overall, 2nd Place Theme, 3rd Place Tie Frikdreina Trope, 3rd Place Author’s Choice Trope, and 2nd Place Tie Best Plot Twist Winner.

leave my loneliness unbroken (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke/Raven] @justbecauseyoubelievesomething

Summary: When you turn ten years old, you hear your soulmate’s voice inside your head.

Or so Raven’s been told.

3rd Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

Rattle the Stars (Rated G) [Octavia/Lincoln] by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold

Summary: Even as humanity spread itself through space, the universe remains the true final frontier. Outlaws rule the fringes of galaxies and for those who are down on their luck, it’s not an easy lifestyle.

Octavia Blake grows up on stories of a fearsome bandit named Charmaine Diyoza and dreams of one day going on her own intergalactic adventures. She’s eighteen when that becomes a reality, a chance encounter leading her on a treasure hunt throughout the galaxy in search of the famed El Dorado, a Treasure Planet made entirely of gold. Along the way she makes allies and enemies –– but one person in particular guides her along the way. A cyborg named Lincoln helps her blossom on the ship and come into herself and she can’t help but fall for him, even as she learns that not everything is as it seems. But with the mysterious map in hand, unusual friends, and her own belief in herself, she might just discover more than gold on this adventure.

1st Place Best Overall, 1st Place Theme, 1st Place El Dorado Trope, 2nd Place Frikdreina Trope, and 1st Place Best Plot Twist Winner.

until the next, my beloved (Rated T) [Luna/Raven/Roan] by @spacekrulesbians

Summary: Luna and Roan set off to find the legendary city of Eden, where it is said there is gold stretching as far as one can see. As Raven cannot come due to her blindness, Luna takes it upon herself to keep sending her messages.

3rd Place Tie Theme, 3rd Place Telepathy Trope, 1st Place Author’s Choice Trope, 3rd Place Tie Best Plot Twist, and 1st Place Most Unique Pairing Winner.

lost in the woods (Rated T) [Clarke/Murphy] by @probably-voldemort

Summary: Murphy can read minds, but only sometimes. It doesn’t help him not get lost on a class hiking trip.

3rd Place Tie Best Plot Twist Winner.

[sionnables]

So… 

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, you guys.  

Let me explain something first: the Broadway musical First Date is my SHOW.  I mean, it’s NOT-- I had no part in the creation or performance of it, obviously.  But it’s “mine” in the way that people tend to take possession of things they like, you know? 

“That’s my song!” 

“That’s my precious fictional baby!”

Or, I guess, like that weird thing sports fans do when they insert themselves into their favorite team, like, “we need to box out the endzone and get some points on the board” or whatever.

First Date is mine not only because I loved it, but because it felt like the creators reached into my heart, plucked out all my experiences and emotions, and put them up on stage.  I mean, it went to TATTOO LEVELS, so you know it’s both serious and a little ridiculous. 

 Six years later, I still fucking love that show. 

(The intensity has gone down a bit, but that’s probably the best for everyone.)

So when I happened to find out that the book writer of First Date was the creator/writer of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist AND it was a musical, I obviously wanted to check it out.  It was delayed slightly by a deep-dive into a Schitt’s Creek hyper-fixation (David and Patrick can have my entire heart and, like, overall existence), but I finally started watching a few days ago.

And it is delightfully First-Date-y.

It’s also a really good “I can’t handle anything too sad or heavy right now due to reality” option.  There’s some romantic angst and family tragedy thrown in, but it’s not like This Is Us: The Musical or anything (thank christ-- seriously, how does anyone watch that show? It’s Ugly Cry Central over there).

I’m not going to do the plot summary thing because Google exists.  But here’s the thing: yes, there are multiple tropes here that have been done to death (*cough*lovetriangle*cough*), but you know what? The show is cute, the cast is really talented, and the writing’s pretty effing funny. I don’t need groundbreaking television to be entertained. And I’m a sucker for “nice comedy” nowadays, you know? Like, I could never get into Glee because the characters were HORRIBLE to each other. I can’t do a show full of selfish, mean people, it just doesn’t work for me.  Give me a well-written ensemble comedy where everyone messes up but they’re ultimately trying their best and growing, and I’m pretty much in.

That all being said, here’s what I need to discuss (spoilers ahead, obviously):

1) Zoey’s definitely got that whole Zooey-Deschanel-adorkable thing going on, but you have to appreciate a show that is like, “STEM Women FTW!” because we need that.  Also, maybe it’s Fellow Millennial Empathy, but I appreciate that she has no idea what she’s doing and is still trying so hard to be a functioning and successful adult, WHILE dealing with family tragedy, AND sudden musical powers, AND being a woman in charge of a department full of men (girl, been there done that), AND confusing mushy feelings. It helps that Jane Levy is so talented that I was convinced she was British (she is not).

2) Mo. Is. Everything.  More representation of gender-fluidity is wonderful to see, for one thing. But he’s also the smartest character on the show, as well as the most well-balanced and emotionally mature.  And his VOICE, okay? I love that it seems like Mo is going to sort of be Zoey’s guide through all of this, and I’m looking forward to seeing their friendship grow.

3) Simon is a gorgeous, gorgeous man.  If he was at ALL single, I’d be like, “Zoey, hit that IMMEDIATELY”. But I don’t love the direction that their relationship is going (HE IS ENGAGED, FFS) OR the whole Jessica vs. Zoey thing they’re pulling.  I’m willing to give the first part a pass because both of them are grieving and emotional instability can definitely equal bad decisions (we may not like it, but you can’t say it’s unrealistic). But that second part? Simon is way more to blame than Zoey. No more girls hating on girls, okay? Like, I don’t want Jessica and Zoey to necessarily become besties (that whole “it’s always about your dad” comment was way too awful for me to like her THAT much), but you know what I mean. The longer this goes on, the less I like Simon.  And it’s such a BUMMER, because I feel like Zoey and Simon could really use each other, platonically. 

4) Speaking of not liking people, Zoey’s brother is a dick. Not ONLY because of the shit he pulled with going out to bars instead of being with his PREGNANT WIFE/STRUGGLING MOTHER, but that whole thing about him having to “convince” his wife to have kids when she didn’t want them? YUCK. He’s the one character I do not like at ALL and I hope that Emily leaves him and ends up an awesome single mom with a hot boyfriend. I’m glad Zoey told her what was up. GOOD. WHAT A JERK.

5) Zoey’s mom is amazing and deserves the world. That is all.

6) Full disclosure: I am 100% Team Max. But within that 100%, I’m 50% Zoey Is Clearly Not Ready To Date Him Or Even Process Her Feelings About Him Right Now So He Needs To Just Be Her Friend and 50% Zoey Is Clearly Terrified Of Feelings And Max Might Need To Push Her a Little To Get Her To Get Past That.  This is coming from a place of experience, because I was once terrified of feelings and commitment and basically my husband is only my husband because he chose to ignore the many, many times I tried to break up with him and was very persistent with me. Please note that this DOES NOT MEAN that Max needs to be all pissy about “friendzoning” and/or pushing TOO hard, TOO quickly. Which he’s sort of toe-ing the line with, at the moment.  I don’t think that Zoey ever really gave him the impression that she was interested in him romantically before the whole “flash mob” debacle (I cringed when Mo said that touching his shoulder and having him come over to watch a movie was leading him on, because please don’t do that, writers, Mo is too smart and progressive for that BS), and the flash mob itself was a really weird, out-of-character move (at least thus far) for him.  Look, I get the whole “omg, Max can hear her/no wait, there’s real singing” thing was an unexpected twist, but I’m not a fan of twists over characterization. Max knows Zoey, and I think he’d know that declaring feelings in public while making her the center of attention would not be her thing (but I find public proposals super cringe-y, so maybe that’s just me).  I’m sort of not happy with that. What I DO think is appropriate is him asking for some time/space after she asks to just be his friend-- I count that as being respectful of her decision and needing some breathing room to disconnect his romantic feelings towards her. I also don’t blame him for being upset that she knew his feelings way beforehand and didn’t say anything, or for being upset after seeing her sing to Simon. The singing thing is not Zoey’s fault at ALL, but that is some serious emotional whiplash! Nevertheless, I hope these two are endgame and don’t hurt each other too much in the process. That boy will do ANYTHING for her, and I kind of love him for it. Please don’t turn him into a “Nice Guy”! Also, can we all agree that he outsang EVERY SINGLE ONE of the Jonas Brothers with “Sucker”? Goddamn!

7) Tobin is so stupid, but WOW is that character a brilliant representation of every single, straight, young, insecure, emotion-denying, Reddit-using, product of toxic masculinity gamer boy that you’ve ever met in your life. Holy SHIT. They’re nailing it with him. He is 100% the guy that yells a “make me a sandwich” joke in front of his friends and then goes home and cries about not having a girlfriend. I have met 10,000 versions of Tobin in my life and he CRACKS ME UP. Bless him.

8) Leif is Draco Malfoy and I hope that Joan is using him for sex and then ditches him in a humiliating fashion. IF THEY MAKE HER FALL FOR HIM I SWEAR TO GOD. She’s too smart for that. I want Joan and Mo to take over the world together.

9) I don’t want to talk about Zoey’s dad. HE’S FINE. EVERYTHING’S FINE. HE’S TOTALLY GOING TO GET BETTER. THIS IS A HAPPY SHOW. 

Okay, I think I got all of my thoughts and feelings out. Until next week, at least.

[bamby0304]

Her Saviours- Ch.27

Series Masterlist

Summary: During an odd case, the Winchesters came across Y/N, a scared young Omega girl who had been used as a lure for a nest of vampires. After rescuing her from the monsters, John and his sons took her in knowing she was in no state to live among ordinary people. But three Alphas and one Omega is a mixture bound for disaster.

Warnings: Explicit language. ABO dynamics. Heat. Angst. Death. Fluff.

Bamby

The sound of the motel door opening drew your attention to it as Dean walked in. Taking one step into the room, he tensed and stopped on the spot. You watched his nostrils twitch as he took in the scent of the room, no doubt smelling your heat and sex.

“Open a window,” he grunted, pushing the door shut with a resound thump.

Averting your gaze, you tugged on the flannel you wore and scurried off the bed, moving to do as he said. You were grateful you’d decided to get dressed after waking up in Sam’s arms… if you’d been naked it would have just pissed Dean off more.

You’d hesitated on what flannel to wear. Part of you wanted to wrap yourself in Sam’s scent to prolong the buzz you still felt from being with him. Another part of you wanted to huddle in Dean’s, to even out the brother’s scents so you were still close to them both. Even though they wouldn’t admit it to you, neither of them would have liked you wearing the other’s clothes, so you opted for your own.

Tossing his keys onto the table by the door, Dean turned his attention to his brother as he fought not to snap. “What'd you find out?”

Sam’s voice was quiet as he answered, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry about what?”

Turning in his seat at the dining table, Sam looked up at his brother with guilty puppy eyes. “Marshall Hall died at 4:17.”

Dean froze. “The exact time I was healed.”

“Yeah.” Sam nodded, looking away. “So, I put together a list of everyone Roy's healed, six people over the past year, and I cross-checked them with the local obits.” He handed over the stories he’d printed. “Every time someone was healed, someone else died. And each time, the victim died of the same symptom LeGrange was healing at the time.”

Climbing back onto your bed, you watched the brothers carefully.

You knew knowing the truth was going to make them both feel extremely guilty, and that honestly hurt you. Despite them being annoying and sometimes dicks, you cared for them deeply. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have stuck around for so long. It’s why you put up with so much crap.

Seeing them take on mountain loads of guilt just made you want to hold them tight and tell them everything was going to be okay. But it wasn’t, you all knew that. So instead you just folded your legs in front of you as you watched silently.

“Someone's healed of cancer, someone else dies of cancer?” Dean asked as he took a seat across from his brother.

“Somehow. LeGrange… he's trading a life for another.”

“Wait, wait, wait. So, Marshall Hall died to save me?”

“Dean, the guy probably would've died anyway. And someone else would've been healed.”

Sam was right. If Marshall was on the reverend's radar then it didn’t matter who he healed, the guy would have died. The church had gathered for a reason, someone would have been healed.

Tossing the obits onto the table, Dean pushed himself out of his chair. “You never should've brought me here.”

Sam sighed, the look on his face telling you just how horrible he felt. “Dean, I was just trying to save your life.”

“But, Sam, some guy is dead now because of me,” Dean snapped.

“I didn't know.” Sam’s gaze dropped to his hands as they sat in his lap. Shaking his head, he returned his gaze to his brother. “The thing I don't understand is how is Roy doing it? How's he trading a life for a life?”

Dean scoffed, “Oh, he's not doing it. Something else is doing it for him.”

“What do you mean?”

“The old man I saw on stage. I didn't wanna believe it, but deep down I knew.”

“You knew what? What are you talking about?”

“There's only one thing that can give and take life like that.” You and Sam looked to Dean, confused. “We're dealing with a reaper.”

…

Standing in the shower, you tried to ignore the light tug in your stomach. You were fine, you still had hours before it would get worse, but that didn’t change the fact your heat was rearing its ugly head up again.

The brothers were in the next room, researching reapers to find a way to stop Roy. You wanted to help, obviously, but they weren’t making your situation any better. Their scents were thicker than usual, either because of your heat or because of each other.

If it was the latter, then things were probably not going to get better anytime soon. Neither Dean or Sam were really into talking about their feelings- Dean less so- which meant you were going to have to tread carefully until one or both of them snapped.

Really, it didn’t make sense to you. Even though Sam had left for a few years, that shouldn’t have changed anything. They were still brothers, you were all still pack, and you weren’t technically anyone’s exclusively. If the issue here was you being shared between them then that was just crazy. It’s not like that hadn’t been the case before Sam left for Stanford.

Shutting the water off, you shivered at the cold air as you scrambled out to grab a towel and dry yourself quickly. You’d grabbed some fresh clothes, in the hopes the lack of scents on them would help calm your heat. Slipping and tugging them on, you quickly got dressed before heading out into the main room as you used your towel to pat dry your hair.

“Hey.” Dean smiled, reaching out for you.

Taking his hand, you let him lead you onto the seat next to his before continuing to dry your hair.

“You really think it's the Grim Reaper?” Sam asked Dean as he looked over his laptop to his brother. “Like, angel of death, collect your soul, the whole deal?”

Dean shook his head. “No no no, not the reaper, a reaper. There's reaper law in pretty much every culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names, it's possible that there's more than one of them.”

“But you said you saw a dude in a suit,” Sam noted.

“What, you think he shoulda been working the whole black robe thing?” Dean gave his brother a pointed look. “You said it yourself that the clock stopped right? Reapers stop time. And you can only see 'em when they're coming at you, which is why I could see it and you couldn't.”

“Maybe,” Sam mumbled, his mind drifting.

“There's nothing else it could be Sam. The question is how is Roy controlling the damn thing?”

“That cross.”

“Hmm?” You lowered your towel and looked over at the younger brother.

Flicking through a deck of Tarot cards, Sam explained, “There was this cross, I noticed it in the church and I knew I had seen it before.” Finding what he was looking for, he showed the card to you and Dean. “Here.”

It was death.

“A Tarot?” Dean asked, taking the card from him.

Sam shrugged. “It makes sense. A tarot dates back to the early christian era right, when some priests were still using magic? And a few of them veered into the dark stuff? Necromancy and how to push death away, how to cause it?”

“So Roy's using black magic to bind the reaper?”

“If he is he's riding the whirlwind. It's like putting a dog leash on a great white.”

Dropping the card on the table, Dean grabbed the empty coffee mug and stood, moving to the sink. Here was a pause as he stood there, thinking the situation over before saying, “Ok then we stop Roy.”

“How?”

Leaning against the bench, Dean gave his brother another pointed look. “You know how.” His jaw clenched.

Your stomach dropped. “Dean… killing Roy… he’s a human.”

“The guys playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book,” he countered.

“No.” Sam shook his head, not budging on the subject. “We're not going to kill a human being Dean. We do that we're no better than he is.”

“Ok, we can’t kill Roy, we can't kill death. Any bright ideas college boy?”

“Break the bond tying the reaper to Roy.” You shrugged.

“That.” Sam nodded, pointing to you. “If Roy's using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we gotta...figure out what it is. And how to break it.” Pushing out of his seat, Sam started towards the bathroom. “There’s another service this afternoon. We’ll leave in ten,” he said before closing the door behind him.

As soon as the two of you were alone, you and Dean turned to each other.

“You’re staying-”

“I’m not staying here,” you finished before he could.

Mouth snapping shut, he clenched his jaw as he stared at you. “Y/N…”

“I’m in heat, I know that, and I can feel it stirring a little. But I’m fine,” you assured him.

“Yeah,” he pushed off the counter and started towards the beds where his bag sat, “‘Cause Sam helped you.”

“Don’t.”

He turned on his heels. “You smell like him.”

“Dean…”

“This whole room stinks of the two of you.”

Sighing, you pushed yourself up to your feet and moved to him. “Nothing has changed between us.”

“You sure?” As you stopped in front of him he searched your eyes, looking for a sign that things had changed.

“I’m in heat, Sam’s an Alpha I trust, you-”

“Were dying in hospital,” he finished for you. “What about today? Was it a convenience thing? He just happened to be here first?”

Yes. To be honest, that’s why it had been Sam today. If Dean had shown up first then you would have been just as grateful and happy to take his knot. There was no favourite, here. You didn’t care for one more than the other. The feelings you had were strong, and deep, and equal.

“I know I flirt with other women, and I know I sleep with most of them,” he lifted his hand to caress your cheek, “but you’re it for me.”

“Dean-”

The bathroom door opened, cutting you off as Sam stepped out. You glanced over your shoulder at him, seeing the way he was eyeing the close proximity between you and his brother.

Clearing your throat, you stepped away from Dean. “We ready?”

“You’re coming?” Sam asked as he grabbed his jacket from the back of his seat. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

“If it helps, I’ll just keep an eye out and make sure you don’t get busted by the sheriff or Mrs. LeGrange,” you offered. “I won’t get in the way of the reaper.”

Sam shrugged. “It would be safer to keep you close by. That way you can’t lie about having another flare up.”

“Lie?” Dean looked from his brother to you, confused. “What?”

“Y/N could barely stand when I got back,” Sam explained as he started towards the door, watching as you ducked your head guiltily. “She didn’t call either of us because she thought we were too busy to help.”

Dean’s jaw clicked. “Really?” You looked up and found him watching you with a disapproving glare. “Then you’re definitely coming. The last thing we need is you passing out while we’re gone.”

You were never going to hear the end of this. The brothers were already so protective of you… you wouldn’t be surprised if they never left you alone during a heat ever again.

“Come on.” Dean slipped his hand into yours, leading you to the door. “Let’s get this done before someone else dies.”

…

“If Roy's using a spell, there might be a spell book,” Sam noted as he opened your door.

You slid out of the car and looked around, noticing how there seemed to be a few more people outside the service tent then there’d been before.

“See if you can find it.” Dean checked his watched as the three of you met at the trunk. “Hurry up too, the service starts in fifteen minutes. I'll try to stall Roy.” Leaning towards you, he cupped your cheek and gave you a quick kiss. “Go with Sam. Make sure no one catches him.”

Kissing him back, you nodded. “Be safe.”

“You too.” Letting you go, he jogged over to the tent.

“Roy LeGrange is a fraud. He's no healer.” The protester from before was back. As you and Sam passed him, he handed you both a flyer.

“You keep up the good work,” Sam told him.

“Thank you.”

Grabbing your hand, Sam continued towards the LeGrange’s house. “I’m gonna sneak in. I want you to stay out of sight, but keep an eye out. If you see someone head towards the house, stall them.”

“Got it.”

…

As Sam ducked into the house, you did as you were told as stood guard. Your eyes scanned the area, watching as more and more people ducked into the tent. Everyone was so focused on what Roy could do, you went completely unnoticed.

When Sam emerged, you could tell something was very wrong.

“What’d you find?”

“Come on.” Grabbing your hand, he led you towards the porch steps as he pulled out his phone and dialled Dean’s number, putting him on loudspeaker.

“What have you got?”

“Roy's choosing victims he sees as immoral,” Sam started as the two of you jogged down the steps. “And I think I know who's next on his list. Remember that protester?”

“What, the guy in the parking lot?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I'll find him. But you can't let Roy heal anyone, alright?”

As you and Sam hurried through the parking lot, winding through the cars, looking into windows, you fought your building panic. You knew that if you didn’t find the protester in time then he would likely die. Even if you did find him, however, that didn’t mean you’d be able to save him.

“Help!”

You and Sam spun on your heels, looking in the direction where the voice had come from before tuning to each other. Then you were off, feet pounding on the dirt ground as you prayed you’re reach the man in time.

“Help! Help me please!”

He was pressed against a car, scruying back as he stared wide eyed at nothing. Only you knew it wasn’t nothing. You knew it was the reaper. Time was running out.

“Where is he?” Sam asked as he put himself in front of the protester, looking around wildly.

“Right there!” He gestured in front of Sam.

“Run!” Grabbing the protester’s arm, you pulled him along hoping that if you kept him moving you could keep him safe.

…

Behind you, Sam pulled out his phone as it rang. “David, I think it's ok,” he told the protester once whoever was on the other end of the call- no doubt Dean- has spoken.

You let out a small breath of relief as you stopped moving.

David moved a little further, still freaked. As he stepped out into a clearing, however, he only got worse.

“No!”

David dropped to his knees, before falling to the ground. You watched him struggle to breathe as his eyes turned white and skin went grey. It was horrible, seeing him dying right there in front of you while you could do nothing to help.

Sam grabbed you out of instinct and held you back as he hurried towards David, looking down at him with no clue how to help. “Dean it didn't work.The reaper's still coming! I'm telling you, I'm telling you it didn't work. Roy must not be the one controlling this thing.”

The panic lasted a moment longer… and then it stopped.

Hanging up the phone, Sam got to his knees by David to check him over. “You okay?”

“What the hell was that?”

“It’s hard to explain,” Sam noted. “I think it might be best if you get out of here while you can.”

Nodding frantically, David scrambled to his feet and ran.

Getting back up, Sam turned to you. “It’s Sue Ann.”

That actually made sense to you. “How’d you know how the victims were being picked?”

“I found newspaper clippings-” Sam stopped, coming to the same conclusion at you. “Roy can’t read the paper. He’s blind.”

“We all thought it was him because he’s doing the healing. But he’s just a pawn. His wife is the one pulling the reaper’s puppet strings. She’s the one it’s bound to. She’s the one we’ve gotta stop.”

…

Pushing through the crowd, you found Dean with Sue Ann, the sheriff and another officer.

“After everything we've done for you. After Roy healed you. I'm just very very disappointed Dean.” Sue Ann shook her head at Dean as he stared at her knowingly. She looked to the cops. “You can let him go. I'm not gonna press charges. The Lord will deal with him as he sees fit.”

“We catch you round here again son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand?” the sheriff warned.

Dean gave a short nod. “Yes sir, fear of god. Got it.”

Shoving him, the cops then walked away

Looking up, Dean watched as you headed over to him. “The guy okay?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, shoving your hands in your pockets. “Sam wanted to make sure he actually left.”

“What about you?”

“I… I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Smiling, he reached up to brush his thumb along your cheek before leaning in to kiss you lightly. You smiled against him, melting into the familiar touch. It was nice to know he wasn’t upset with you, despite everything that had been going on.

Pulling back, Dean’s attention was caught by an approaching figure. “Layla…” He looked so guilty and ashamed.

“Why would you do that Dean?” She came to stop in front of the two of you. “It could have been my only chance.”

“He's not a healer.”

“He healed you,” she countered.

“I know it doesn't seem fair, and I wish I could explain. But Roy is not the answer, I'm sorry.”

Sighing, she shook her head softly. “Goodbye Dean.” Walking away, she glanced back at him. “I wish you luck. I really do.”

“Same to you,” he called back, his voice cracking. As she walked away he mumbled to himself, “You deserve it a lot more than me.”

Grabbing his hand, you tugged on him until he turned to you. “Don’t ever say that. She might deserve to be healed, but that doesn’t mean she deserves it more than you. You can’t compare your worth with someone else’s.”

Leaning in, he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “You always see the good in me.”

“Because you’re a good man, Dean Winchester.” Tugging on his hand again, you began to back up. “Come on. Sam is probably waiting.”

Nodding, he let go of your hand and wrapped his arm around your waist to pull you closer. Walking through the crowd, ignoring the few people who looked at Dean with distaste- they clearly knew he was the reason the service had been cut short- you overheard Roy’s voice.

“Private session tonight, no interruptions.” Looking over, you and Dean spotted him and Sue Ann talking to Layla’s mother. “I give you my word, I'll heal your daughter.”

You’d know saving David hadn’t meant the end of the case. Sue Ann still had control of the reaper, and until that bound was broken people’s lives were at risk.

...

“So Roy really believes.” Sam scoffed, shaking his head as he sat on his bed.

Walking over to the window, Dean looked outside. “I don't think he has any idea what his wife's doing.”

“Well, I found this.” Sam pulled a little book from his jacket pocket. “Hidden in their library. It's ancient. Written by a priest who went dark side. There's a binding spell in here for trapping a reaper,” he noted, handing the book over to Dean as he came to sit with you on the other bed.

“Must be a hell of a spell.”

“Yeah. You gotta build a black alter with seriously dark stuff. Bones, human blood.” Sam sighed, “To cross a line like that, a preacher's wife. Black magic. Murder. Evil.”

“Desperate,” Dean corrected. “Her husband was dying, she didn't have anything to save him. She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy.”

You would have done the same thing for Dean if Sam hadn’t found Roy. If things got bad, if your options were running out, you would have done whatever it took. Even if it meant risking your own soul.

Hell, you’d do it for Sam, too. Those boys… they meant everything to you.

Sam scoffed, “Cheating death, literally.”

“Yeah but Roy's alive, so why is she still using the spell?”

“It’s power.” You shrugged, answering Dean’s question. “She realised what she could do, and when people thought Roy was the miracle after he was healed, then she decided to use that. Use that to spread the word of what they could do, and to punish those she deems immoral.”

Looking down at the little book, Dean shook his head. “May God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work.”

“We gotta break that binding spell,” Sam noted.

Flicking through the pages, Dean came across a picture of a cross. “You know Sue Ann had a coptic cross like this. When she dropped it the reaper backed off.”

“So you think we gotta find the cross or destroy the altar?” Sam asked.

“Maybe both.” Dean tossed the book back to his brother. “Whatever we do we better do it soon, or he's healing Layla tonight.”

…

When you pulled up outside of Roy’s tent, you spotted the sheriff’s car parked right out front. No one was around though, more than likely gathered in the tent for the service. The service that was supposed to save Layla’s life.

“That's Layla's car.” Sam pointed out a nearby red car. “She's already here.”

Dean nodded, an air of sadness settling over him. “Yeah.”

“Dean-”

Not giving his brother a chance to finish, Dean cut Sam off, “You know if Roy woulda picked Layla instead of me she'd be here right now. And if she's not healed tonight she's gonna die in a couple o’ months.”

“What's happening to her is horrible. But what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself Dean, you can't play God.”

Staring out the front window, Dean didn’t say anything as he let Sam’s words settled. As he ignored whatever response he might’ve come up with. Sitting there, he paused a moment before getting out of the car, with you and Sam not too far behind.

Creeping over to the tent, the three of you found a crack and peeked inside, finding a small group of followers surrounding Layla and Roy on the stage.

“Gather round, please everyone, gather round.” Roy opened his arms out to everyone. “Come in closer, come on up.”

“Where's Sue Ann?” Dean asked, scanning the crowd, looking for her.

“House,” Sam suggested.

Pulling away from the tent, the three of you started towards the house… only to stop as you spotted the sheriff and another officer. They were drinking coffee or something like that, talking amongst themselves. Neither had spotted your group yet, but they were blocking your path to the house. If you wanted to get in there, you were going to have to get noticed.

“Go find Sue Ann, I'll catch up.” Dean shoved you and Sam behind a nearby car.

Frowning at his brother, Sam watched as Dean stepped out in the open. “What are you gonna-”

“Hey!” Dean called out, catching the cops’ attention. “You gonna put that fear of God in me?”

Dropping their coffee, the cops started towards Dean, running. Without missing a beat, he took off in the opposite direction, leading the cops away from you and Sam.

Hurrying towards the house and up the porch steps, you and Sam tried to stay out of sight as you peeked into the windows, looking for any sign of Sue Ann.

“Psst.”

You turned to Sam, seeing him gesturing you over to him. Stepping up to his side, you followed his gaze over the railing and spotted a basement door below. Between the cracks of the door, you could see light from the other side.

“Come on.” Sam started back down the porch steps with you right behind him.

Opening the basement doors, he held them as you slipped inside before he followed you in. The two of you were careful, looking around for any sign of Sue Ann. She didn’t seem to be around, but you did find something of use.

“Sam.” Grabbing his hand, you led him over to the opposite side of the basement to where the altar stood.

It was lit by multiple candles, and decorated with parts of dead animals, blood, horns… it was horrible. Sam had been right, this kind of magic was evil.

Sitting in the middle of the altar was a photo that made your heart leap. It was of Dean, taken from the security camera that first day before he’d been healed. His face had been crossed out with what you could only assume was blood.

Dean was the next victim.

“I gave Dean life, and I can take it away.”

You and Sam spun around to find Sue Ann standing by the basement stairs, watching you both disapprovingly.

Furious, Sam grabbed the altar and tipped it over, spilling everything onto the floor. The two of you started for Sue Ann then, but she was too close to the door. Before you could reach her she was out side, slamming the door shut in your face and locking them.

Reaching up, Sam tried to push it open, slamming his hands against the wood, but it didn’t budge.

“Sam, Y/N, can't you see?” Sue Ann started. “The Lord chose me to reward the just and punish the wicked. And your brother is wicked and he deserves to die just as Layla deserves to live. It is God's will.” There was movement outside, as if she was moving away from the door. “Goodbye.”

Not one to give up, you and Sam surveyed. Sam grabbed a block of wood that stuck out from the wall and grunted as he tore it away. Using the wood, he smashed the window above him until the glass and the boards behind it broke.

“Come on.” He reached, tugging you closer and hoisting you up so you could creep through the window. “Run!” he yelled once you were outside. “Find Dean!”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be right behind you. Just go, now!”

Nodding, you scrambled up onto your feet, cutting your hand open on a piece of the broken glass as you did. Ignore the pain, you ran for the tent, praying you’d find Dean before it was too late.

…

When you found Dean, you found him kneeling in the parking lot… turning grey and clearly in pain. The groan that spilled from his lips spurred your forward.

Your feet slipped on the muddy ground as you ran towards him, not caring about the pain in your hand or the ache in your body. The only thing you cared about was getting to Dean. It didn’t even occur to you that there was nothing you could actually do to help. You just needed to be there to help him.

Reaching him, you dropped to your knees and fisted his shirt, holding him up. “Dean, look at me. Please, look at me.”

He groaned, eyes rolling back as his body grew tense because of the pain.

“No.” Shaking your head, you felt tears begin to stream down your face. “No, please. Not you. Not you. I just… I just got you back. I can’t… oh Dean, I can’t lose you.”

With blurred vision, you looked around, hoping to find any sign of Sue Ann. She was the one doing this to him. She was the one you needed to stop. But she was nowhere in sight.

Looking for her meant leaving Dean, and you just couldn’t do that. What if he died? What if you didn’t make it in time, if you didn’t stop her, and Dean died?

“I’m not leaving.” You looked into his greying face. “Don’t leave me… please.”

He could respond though… the reaper’s grip on him was too strong.

Dropping your head to his shoulder, you cried. You let your tears soak into his shirt as you felt him twitch below him. As you listened to him groan and grunt, the life slowly draining out of him.

“I wish it was me,” you sobbed. “I wish… I wish I could take your place.”

Sucking in a breath, Dean startled you as he dropped to the ground. You stayed kneeling where you’d been, now looking down at him as the colour returned to his face. He breathed in deeply, clutching at his chest, staring up at the sky.

“Dean!” You threw your arms around him tightly.

Groaning, he rubbed your back as you cried into his chest- though now you were crying with relief. “I’m okay,” he assured you.

“I thought it was too late.”

“I’m okay,” he repeated. “Hey, your hand.” Carefully, he grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand away as he checked out the cut on your palm. “You hurt yourself.”

Wiping your tears away with your other hand, you looked at him as he eyes the cut with concern. “I’ll be okay.”

…

The tension in the air was thick and uncomfortable. Sleeping had been weird, considering there were only two beds… and you had to pick between the brothers. In the end, you’d slept on the couch. You’d insisted you were just going to stay up and do some ‘research’, but really you just waited until the brothers were asleep so then you could crash without them fussing over you.

Now that it was morning, and the brothers had realised what you’d done, things were worse. Your decision to not sleep with either of them just confirmed their suspicions.

Dean now knew for sure that what you and Sam had wasn’t just convenience. Sam now knew that what you and he had didn’t mean there was nothing between you and Dean. You were stuck between two brothers, two Alphas, and it was terribly confusing.

A knock at the door offered a reprieve in the tension.

“I got it,” Sam called over his shoulder as he walked over to answer it. Standing on the other side was none other than Layla.

“Hey Layla. Come on in.” Sam gestured for her to enter.

She smiled shyly, her eyes turning to Dean. “Hey.”

Dean rose from where he’d been sitting on the bed, looking from you to her. “How did you know we were here?”

“Sam… called. He said you… wanted to say goodbye?”

Both you and Dean looked to Sam who shrugged. “Come on, Y/N.” He grabbed your bag off the bed. “Let’s go pack the car.”

Not having any reason to argue, you followed the younger Winchester out of the room. Before you left, you looked back at Dean and Layla. As Sam closed the door, you couldn’t help but wonder if he’d done this on purpose… if he was trying to prove a point to you.

Bamby

[tartareus]

Fiona Goode as layers !

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

NAME -   fiona borgia vandenheuvel goode

EYE COLOUR -   vivid hazel although her gaze visibly darkens when she’s angry

HAIR STYLE / COLOUR -   like her father before her fiona has golden blonde hair, a family genetic trait that seemed to almost skip her daughter. fiona personally hates it when her hair is too long and has never had it any longer than at shoulder length. naturally straight with the odd curls at the tips, the supreme likes to keep a classic look that is just hers, with hair cascading down in gentle waves framing her face, but with a modern air to it. eventually, when she begins to lose her hair, fiona takes on wearing wigs ( high quality ones that try to mimic what her hair was like but just won’t curl right ) and headwraps sometimes

HEIGHT -   5ft 8 / 1,73m,  that tall and still refusing to wear heels that are smaller than 5 inch

CLOTHING STYLE -  black, copious amounts of it. it is not just because she is a widow, she has been fond of the colour ever since she was a teen and not only she finds it classy and charming, it also helps that it gives her an even more threatening and severe look. the cut is flattering, hugging her curves pleasantly but not too much as she’d rather take a classy look than a sexy one anytime. in the odd occasion that she wears other colours, she goes straight to red - vivid blood red or the dark crimson piece she loves so much. she's never wearing cheap stuff - hell, even her sleepwear is from chanel - because fiona loves fancy things, always has && will not hesitate to spoil herself buying them. overall she is stylish, even if she hardly ever leaves her comfort zone and drops the classics that are her favourites , like chanel and prada.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE -    to me, it’s her jawline (she’s got a jawline for days - beautiful), but if you were to ask her she’d probably say it’s her legs. they are long, smooth and give her a lean look && while she knows there’s nothing particularly special about them fiona has learnt to use her legs in a way that could easily rival marlene dietrich.

LAYER TWO : THE INSIDE

FEARS -   her own death, losing cordelia for good, lack of power, not being loved, being lonely,witch hunters

GUILTY PLEASURE - oh boy, i could say so many things here - sex, alcohol, manipulating people - but let’s be honest she’s not feeling guilty about any of these, they’re just plain pleasures for her. so i’m going with the REAL deal here: crispy spicy fried chicken ! i kid you not ! catch fiona smuggling into the academy some kfc in the middle of the night after she’s done some shit like killing a student or digging up a racist psycho, that is all the comfort food she needs.

BIGGEST PET PEEVE - lack of respect, insubordination and incompetence, seriously...the quickest way to get her to turn your brain into scrambled eggs is by doing any of these. she will not have it.

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE - tbh it really depends on the verse, it used to be becoming the supreme, then it became being powerful. i think, in the way i chose to play her, it’s keep her powers and position as supreme as she becomes immortal ; on a side track, patching up things with her daughter is one of her goals, but it never really makes it to her main ambition.

LAYER THREE : THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS UPON WAKING UP -   when she’s not waking up with a random joe or jane ( in which she wakes up like “who the hell is that? get out.”) beside her, considering the amount of alcohol she drinks, fiona usually wakes up with a hangover and a thundering headache so it’s something along the lines of “  goddamnit, close the drapes ! where's that  painkiller ?? ”

WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST -   “what can i do to get what i want ?” she’s always after ways to get something for herself, manipulate people so they are useful for her

WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED -   she takes a stiff drink and wishes there was someone to hold her - wishing that she truly had someone there for her, because at the end of the day, after parties and fancy meetings, that’s exactly what fiona is: alone and lonely.

WHAT YOUR BEST QUALITY IS -   she gets shit done, just goes for it with heart and soul - oh, wait...she doesn’t have one...well, semantics aside, she really applies 100% of herself to whatever she does. that dedication extends to her love life too. she might not be the most romantic person around and will try and manipulate things into her favour but if she really likes you she will do everything in her power to make it clear that you matter and that she cares about you.

LAYER FOUR : WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES - she does well in parties and places full of people, she’s extroverted and can be oh so charming and sweet when she wants to, but she’d prefer single dates if she’s serious - especially in the beginning - as they are more private and intimate. once she feels confident that this relationship might work, she’ll be happy enough to show you off to pretty much everybody she knows ( and take the opportunity to claim you as her own, as a way to mark her territory because she sucks at sharing )

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED -   love never got her that far, respect is fickle so it’s neither, she’d rather be feared. the respect would come after this.

BEAUTY OR BRAINS -   brains, always, what’s the point of looking good and being a total idiot ? she values beauty (in herself and in others) but nothing compares to a cunning mind.

DOGS OR CATS - it might come as a surprise, given her own feline nature, but fiona loves dogs and always wanted to have one but...well, she doesn’t want to clean up after them && have all the responsibility that comes with having one so...she’d rather not have them to save herself from the headache.

LAYER FIVE : DO YOU…

LIE -   it might be surprising how much she tells the truth to be honest ? fiona is a truth teller, as crass and mean as that truth might come out, by default except when she lies, a shame is: she has to lie way too often.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - oh, she’ll make it seem like she’s THE shit, like she knows everything and that YOU need her... but does that meet her own standards ? no. she despises false modesty ( fiona knows she’s smart and powerful, no denying on her vain nature ) but she is, deep down, a little insecure

BELIEVE IN LOVE -   "pft, love is for fools and silly school girls.” yes, of course she does.

WANT SOMEONE - yes.

LAYER SIX : EVER BEEN …

BEEN ON STAGE - in fancy parties when she has to talk about someone and once when she went along with stevie in a tour 

DONE DRUGS – the million dollar question that should be asked here is which drugs fiona hasn’t done yet ?

CHANGED WHO YOU WERE TO FIT IN - no, she’d rather change the people around her than change herself.

LAYER SEVEN : FAVOURITES

FAVOURITE COLOUR -   black and red. she despises pastels because she never looked good on them

FAVOURITE ANIMAL – panthers.

FAVOURITE MOVIE - she'll say she likes some obscure french movie full of philosophy and complex female themes but that’s bullshit. in reality fiona is a slut for old hollywood movies like singing in the rain and to catch a thief, 80’s slashers and, surprise, the odd nancy meyers movie every once in a blue moon

FAVOURITE GAME – scheming, no just kidding…am i? chess is a bore to her, especially because she never really worked the nerve to learn the rules right. she’d take gin rummy and poker anytime ( not that she’s any good at them though )

LAYER EIGHT : AGE

DAY YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE -   october 17th,she’s a libra sun, leo rising with a scorpio moon

HOW OLD WILL YOU BE -   if she had lived long enough to actually have another birthday she’d be 63

AGE YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY -  18

DOES AGE MATTER – depends on the situation; by default she finds younger people annoying with all their antics and will not hesitate to tell them so.

LAYER NINE : IN A PERSON

BEST PERSONALITY -   someone who won’t be threatened by her or insecure by her status and actions, she likes confident and capable people, someone who won’t back down and won’t quit at the first issue they run into. someone fierce yet passionate, someone intriguing

BEST EYE COLOUR -   dark brown

BEST HAIR COLOUR – she’s usually attracted to brunettes and raven haired people.

BEST THING TO DO WITH A PARTNER -   sex. kidding, i mean, it really depends on the relationship and the partner ? she’s all for long conversations and dancing by the moonlight but she’s not the type who’ll be making grand love speeches, telling you how infatuated she is with you. Don’t expect any of that. She will however take you to places like paris and Greece, long vacations are a thing that Fiona is very prone to, especially with a partner.

LAYER TEN : FINISH THE SENTENCE

I LOVE -  “ the thrill of the hunt, my dance; I love the delicious high magic and power give me, that no drug could ever imitate.”

I FEEL -   “ like I’m slipping away, fading as the world goes on without me. ”

I HIDE -   “ how much i truly care. ”

I MISS -   “ loving and being loved. ”

I WISH -   “ cordelia would understand that all I’ve done was to make sure she was tough enough to be able to survive this ugly wide wicked world”

tagged by : no one, i just stole it lmao tagging:  @copiesofme​​ (dolores) ;  @bloodykneestm​​ (ransom) ; @rosemalice​​ (avis) ; @gdvas​​ (marie) ; @flyingupward​​ (imogene) ; @hismanners​​ && @fencetm​​ !! + anyone that wants to do this, just say i tagged ya !!

[the--blackdahlia]

Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 49 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 49

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings:  Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

“Ok girl you look gorgeous!” Vanessa rubbed her small bump and smiled. “I’m so glad I could fit into this dress though.” she smiled. “Can’t wait for mine.”

“You’re going to be beautiful.” (Y/n) smiled. “Before or after baby Neil comes?”

“We haven't discussed it. And we still don't know what peanut is yet.” Vanessa smiled. “Besides, today is all about you and Nikki, so where is the honeymoon?”  

“I believe we booked a private beach in the Keys.” (Y/n) told Vanessa. “Two weeks of nothing but us and the beach. There is a main resort nearby that we can eat at, and they can bring food to us, but our actual cabana is 100% private.”

“Ooooo,” Vanessa smiled. “I smell naked fun times for both of you,” she laughed. (Y/n) laughed.

“Thanks for watching the babies for us while we’re gone. I’m gonna miss them.” (Y/n) smiled for the camera.

“Any time, we’ll take good care of your babies,” Vanessa hugged her. “Now let’s get you married to your man!”  

Nikki and the boys stood in front of the group of the family and friends. The ceremony started soon, with the girls making their way out to stand on (Y/n)’s side. The music started to play and Tommy took his queue, running over to where (Y/n) would be.

“Hey Thomas, I’m hurting pretty bad. Can...do you mind?” David said. “Will you be mad at me princess?”

“No dad.” (Y/n) smiled. “Go sit down.”

“Yeah Dad, I got her,” Tommy said as he gave his dad a smile. “You ready sis?”

“Ready.” She took Tommy’s arm. David sat down and leaned over to his wife.

“I’m not hurting that bad.” He told her. “But, I think she always needed her big brother more than she needed me.” He smiled at his wife as she gave him a kiss.

Nikki looked up as the music played. Tommy walking with (Y/n), dressed beautifully in white. He felt his heart pound in his chest and his eyes fill with tears. He had never seen her look more beautiful than she did walking towards him. She was glowing and happy and he couldn’t be happier to have her in his life.

"She looks beautiful Nik." Vince said, leaning over to talk to him.

“She’s breathtaking,” Nikki smiled and said to him. Tommy kissed her cheek then went to stand by Nikki.

"Hey." (Y/n) whispered.

“Hey back,” he whispered, “Love you.”

"Love you too." She smiled.

The officient began the ceremony and Nikki could only find himself staring at (Y/n). The way the sun hit her was just perfect. He began etching it into his memory to hold onto it forever. He felt his heart jump when she looked into his eyes and he smiled brightly at her.

"I, (Y/n) bass take you, Nikki Sixx, to be my husband." (Y/n) said proproudly.

“I, Nikki Sixx take you, (Y/n) Bass, to be my hot smokin wife,” he smiled brightly. (Y/n) blushed at his statement.

“You may now kiss the bride.” Was all Nikki needed to hear. With a smile on his face, he cupped her head in her hands and kissed her deeply. With a sly smile against her lips Nikki dipped (Y/n) playfully and brought her back up. (Y/n) laughed and held his hand as they made their way back down the aisle. Photos were taken, and then it was time for the reception. Tommy did a speech, and surprisingly, it was really sweet. (Y/n) wiped her eyes when he was done.

Then it was time for the dance.

“Nik. (Y/n). We have a surprise for you.” Vince told them.

“Should I be worried?” Nikki smiled and looked at them.

“Well we want you guys to come to the dance floor,” Tommy said as a small stage appeared with their instruments. (Y/n) and Nikki looked at each other. Tommy had volunteered to DJ, so they assumed they would just be getting the recording of Without You.

“Wait, who’s playing bass?” (Y/n) asked.

“I have no idea but I know it’s not me and they better not have raided my basses,” Nikki smiled at her as they stood on the dance floor looking at their friends. Someone made their way through the crowd and took the offered bass from Mick.

“Slash?” (Y/n) asked, looking over at Nikki. “I didn’t know he knew how to play bass.”

“Hey, my first guitar was a bass I figured you husband was just that awesome.” he gave Nikki a playful wink. “I will just stick to guitar playing though, I don’t want to upstage him.” Slash laughed. “Are we ready guys?” After a moment, they started playing and Nikki pulled (Y/n) to him.

“Was this song really about Tommy and Heather?” (Y/n) asked softly as they danced. She had read the story like everyone else, but she had a feeling she knew the right answer.

Nikki leaned into her ear and held her tight, “what do you think sweet girl?” he pulled back and looked into her eyes full of love and adoration.

“I had just punched the drummer of my band in his face for calling you Frankie. I was in my car and I heard it on the radio.” (Y/n) admitted. “I thought it was about the girl in the tabloid…” She held Nikki hold her closer.

“Yeah, that girl was not for me and we only ever had one date. She worked for the IRS and her favorite artist was Olivia Newton-John.” Nikki shivered. “Definitely not the girl for me as I like girls who wear aerosmith shirts,” he kissed her.  

“I still have that shirt.” She told him. “The one I was wearing the night you came into my room.” She kissed him, moving around the floor with him.

“Yeah?” he looked at her and smiled. “Might be nice if that’s all you wore on our honeymoon.”

“What would you say if I told you I already packed it for our honeymoon.” She smirked at him.

“I would say that it is going to be one hell of a honeymoon,” Nikki lifted her up and spun her around kissing her as he brought her down. Soon the song was over and everyone could come out to the dance floor. Tommy started the music up and (Y/n) held Nikki’s hand before being led to talk to their guests.

Nikki and (Y/n) made their way around the tables hugging and kissing and taking pictures with guests. By the time they got to sit down they were able to finally eat and enjoy their meal. Everyone else was having fun and dancing.

“We go to the hotel tonight and leave for the keys in the morning.” (Y/n) told Nikki, resting her head on his shoulder.

“That is the plan, our flight leaves early and then it’s just you, me, and nothing but Island,” he pulled her in for another kiss.

“Save it for the honeymoon you two.” Vanessa teased. “Plus, you need to throw the bouquet and the garter.”

“Oh, that’s right.” (Y/n) laughed.

“You go throw your bouquet, I’ll be under there to grab that garter,” Nikki winked.

“Remember babe, that’s all you can grab right now.” (Y/n) teased. The girls all gathered. (Y/n) turned her back towards them and tossed the bouquet, waiting to hear who got it.

Athena laughed as she grabbed the bouquet and smiled, “All mine!”

“Woo! Go ‘Thena!” (Y/n) laughed. Nikki made his way under (Y/n)’s skirt to pull of the garter. To no one's surprise he used his teeth to remove it. The boys all gathered and he tossed it.

“No way!” Tommy called out as it landed right in Mick’s hand.

“Oh my god!” (Y/n) laughed.

“What can I say drummer, chicks dig me,” Mick walked over to Athena and Laughed.

“So, you two gonna bump uglies later?” Vince teased Mick.

“Nah, I just like to rile the drummer up,” Mick smiled at Vince and leaned into Athena. “What do you say we mess with Tommy.”

“I’m always up for messing with Tommy.” Athena laughed. “What do you have in mind guitarist?”

Mick whispered in her ear as he placed the garter on her and smiled when he pretended to lead her out of the ballroom.

“Hey come back with my sister! I may have let Nikki marry (Y/n)! But don’t think I’m, going to let you Mick!” Tommy went to chase after him. Athena just laughed and ran off with Mick, Tommy chasing them.

“That was mean.” (Y/n) laughed, leaning against Nikki. “As much as I loved today, when do I get to spend time with my husband?”

“After cake,” He smiled as they wheeled a large cake out for them to cut. Mick and Athena came back in and stood with everyone as Nikki and (Y/n) cut the cake together before feeding a piece to each other.

“You two look so cute!” Vanessa said, wiping her eyes. (Y/n) hugged her tightly.

“Thanks Ness,” Nikki smiled at her and gave Vince a high five. “You guys are next,” he gave Vince a pointed look.

“We gotta talk about a date, but I know that no matter what, peanut is gonna be loved.” Vince smiled at Vanessa. “Because I sure do love mama.”

Nikki smiled as Vanessa kissed Vince. After eating cake Nikki and (Y/n) made their way to the awaiting limo that would take them to their hotel and their honeymoon suite. Nikki went to the desk and got their keys. Their bags were brought up to their room. Nikki unlocked the door and (Y/n) started to walk in, but he stopped her.

“What?” She asked, frowning a little. Nikki pulled her to him.

“Need to carry you through the threshold sweet girl,” he gave her a bright smile before kissing her. She kissed him back and squealed when he swept her up into a bridal carry.

“Nikki!” She laughed.

Nikki laughed with her as he used his foot to close the door behind them and walked her to the bed. He sat her down and knelt in front of her, looking up into her eyes. She cupped his face with her gentle hands.

“Can you believe we finally made it?” (Y/n) whispered. She pushed his hair back. It was first time in a long time he had it laying flat instead of teased or anything. He looked so much like her silly boy she met all those years ago.

“I’m just hoping it isn’t a dream,” he caressed her cheek and smiled brightly.

“Tell me if this is a dream.” She leaned down and kissed him deeply.

“If it is, it’s a damn good one and I never want to wake up,” Nikki muttered against her lips. She kissed him again, with a little more force and passion behind it. She started laying back, pulling him up with her. “Need to get you out of this dress,” he muttered as he kissed along her jaw leading to her neck.

“Oh? What are we going to do once you do?” She stood up and turned so he could unzip it for her.

Slowly unzipping the dress he let his fingers dance along her skin, “Love you, and worship you, and make you see the universe,” he muttered as he placed kisses along her exposed skin. She moaned softly, closing her eyes, and letting him touch her gently. It felt so different than before, it felt better.

“Nikki…” (Y/n) whispered.

He simply chuckled as he let the dress fall to the floor. His fingers dancing on her skin as he left a trail of kisses along her body. He sucked on her nipples as his fingers pulled her panties down.

“Oh god.” She moaned, closing her eyes. Nikki felt her go weak in the knees, so he led her back to the bed. “Please Nikki.”

Licking along her folds he nuzzled her as his fingers entered her. Curling them as she bucked her hips, making him smile. She was heaven and he could spend all day between her legs. She laced her fingers in his hair, moaning as she felt him.

“Nikki, Nikki yes.” She moaned, closing her eyes.

Nikki slurped and sucked on her clit lapping up all her juices. Retreating momentarily to remove his tux. Lining up along her body he entered her slowly and teasingly. He chuckled at the way she bucked against him.

“Fuck. Nikki.” (Y/n) moaned. He filled her up. It felt so much different than before. And she loved it. She didn’t want it to be anyone else but her and her Mr. Sixx. Nikki smiled as he felt her nails rake across his back, his hips flush with hers as he sent her over the edge. He held himself back wanting it to last as he made her cum over and over again. His lips devouring hers in heated kisses as he swallowed her screams.

After a bit of it, she flipped them over so she was riding him. She had her hands flat against his chest as she moved slowly, wanting to make it last.

“Did you bring your camera?” She asked, almost breathlessly. “Might have lots of chances to take pictures.” She held his hands rubbing at her sides, moaning softly.

“A photographer is always prepared,” he smiled. “But I think I left it in…. One of the bags,” he let out a groan as he bucked his hips up into her. He reached up and caressed her face as she rode him. She felt wonderful on him. She looked like a goddess.

“I love you Mr. Sixx.” (Y/n) said, holding his hand. “God, I’m close.”

“I love you Mrs. Sixx,” he placed his thumb on her clit pressing circles against it, “I love watching you come undone.” She moved a little faster, and before they knew it, she was coming undone around him, calling out his name.

Nikki let out a grunt as he bucked his hips spilling into her filling her up. He brought her down and kissed her deeply his arms holding her tight.

“We’re married.” (Y/n) whispered as she rested her head on his chest. “Finally.” She smiled softly. “We should get some rest. We leave early in the morning.” She yawned.

“Love you, sweet girl,” Nikki murmured as he tucked them in.  

“Love you, silly boy.” She whispered before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk @tommyleeownsme @marvelismylifffe

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @jayprettymuchomw @charlyallise @you-know-im-a-dreamer @sweet-dreams-on-butterfly-wings @estxxmotley @arianareirg @the-normal-potato @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @stella20131991 @tarahell @wowilovenikkisixx @i-want-to-shoot-myself @motleycrueee @sams-serialkiller-fetish @getbackhonkycatt @are-you-reddie54321 @flamencodiva @deacyduck @scarecrowmax @major-tom-is-a-junky @anyasthoughts @bandaids-not-groupies @ilovetomkeiferslips @kaitieskidmore1

Nikki Sixx Tags: @daisystuffsstuff @unknownoblivion @deakysblueoutfit @fandomshit6000 @sixx-mckagan

Too Young to Fall in Love Tags: @kingbouji3 @leximus98 @thekidbakerinthetardis @crystalbaby12 @shawnsstxtches @knockemdeadgirl @deansgirl1993 @haileynicoleseavey17

[revengeisalwaysanoption]

[Fic] All due respect here... (there's no respect due)

Let’s try one last time... I truly apologise if the cut doesn’t work on mobile, I am posting from my laptop.

Enough is enough, they're right. There’s only so much that can be forgiven, before one’s indulgence becomes a red flag. Loneliness is not an excuse, Martino.

“You need to put your foot down” they keep saying. “You need to draw a line and say: this is unacceptable. If you step over the line once you get a warning, but do it twice and we’re done.”

It's just that… you know… He feels so stupid, now? He has been so blind, so naïve and nearly let himself be played like a fiddle. Hurting those who really care about him, and for what? Approval?

The more he thinks about it, the worse it gets. The signals were all there, for fuck’s sake!

Lulling him into a sense of comradery, that he had been missing ever since his friends from high school had all chosen different paths… Yeah, that’s how it had all started. With him, trying so desperately to fill that void. It hadn’t been as difficult as had imagined to bond over incomprehensible lectures, disgusting coffee and eclectic lifestyles. Francesco had been the first to approach him, complimenting his Apparat-inspired T-shirt and asking where he bought it. It hadn’t seen anything quite like it on the Internet, or he would have remembered! Deciding it was best to weed out the homophobes straight away, Martino told him the truth: it was a gift from his boyfriend. Not quite his usual style, but since it made Nico happy to see him wear it…

“Oh man, you’re so whipped.” Francesco had commented, instead, laughing. “But hey, who am I to judge? I’m actually a bit jealous, you know. No one ever made me something that cool. Do you think I could commission him one?”

Marti did, but he had been wrong. Niccolò wasn’t interested in designing clothes for anyone else, and while he was flattered by Fra’s proposal he would have to turn it down. Not exactly a great start, but Martino didn’t think much of it. This wasn’t kindergarten and surely Francesco wouldn’t hold that refusal against Nico.

Marina had literally saved his life, when he crossed the street and didn’t look as he was in the middle of some lovely banter with Niccolò. In return for her heroic deed, he was bound to treat her to lunch. Or a coffee, at least. The way she delivered that ridiculous request, wiggling her head and biting her lips – like a mischievous child, amused by their own audacity – reminded him so much of a certain someone… that he found himself discussing the top 10 TV shows betrayals of the decade (no! they were never going to forgive D&D for what he had done to Daenerys!) over a cappuccino. She might have been side-eyeing him for checking his phone a little too much, but he didn’t really care.

And then came Lorenzo. Well, it was actually Martino who had reached out to him. Who found him sitting on the floor of a dingy bathroom, crying his eyes out. Years ago, he would have stepped out and let someone else comfort a stranger. But then… Then he though ‘what I was the one sitting there? what if it was Nico? I don’t want to think everyone would just walk away and pretend they didn’t see him…’ and sat down next to him. He didn’t ask if he was okay, when he clearly wasn’t. He didn’t ask why he was so distraught. It wasn’t any of his business, and the question alone would have made this guy feel worse. It was a lesson he had learnt the hard way, through his own experience and Nico’s.

“Oi, you got 2 tens or 4 fives? Some spare coins? I’ve only 20€ in my wallet, and that fucking machine never gives you the right change if you put in more than a 10€ note.”   He had asked, when Lori looked up.

“I… I…” He had said, sniffling. Frantically, he had started looking for the money and seemed truly sorry he couldn’t help Martino out.

“Hey, that’s okay. I’ll manage. So, what can I get you? You look like you could use some hot chocolate, though I’m afraid I can only find vaguely chocolatey-flavored water, around here.”

He didn’t think he would get to meet any of them ever again, and then one day he spotted them all sitting at the same table. It wasn’t like Martino had ever believed in fate, but that did seem like a coincidence straight out from a Norwegian teen drama. A French romance. Not that he had ever watched either of them, of course. An occurrence meant to show him that the universe had plans, for the four of them.

In hindsight, he should have told the universe where he could shove its plans…

For a while, however, Martino thought there could hardly be anybody on Earth who got luckier than him in when it came to friendship. They always knew where to find the next best party but didn’t mind spending a night in, binge-watching the latest trashy show that had been uploaded on Netflix. Playing FIFA. Discussing politics, and even ethics and philosophy when they were more than a little drunk.

Everything changed, however, when things started to get a bit more personal. When they started dispensing details about their crushes, their heartbreaks, and Martino foolishly felt comfortable enough to share more of his life with Nico. Painting quite an idyllic picture, as complaints and rants about his inability to tidy up a room and tendency to zone out when they were discussing financial matters would only ever be disclosed to Giovanni. Nevertheless, to say that they weren’t his biggest fans would be an understatement.

  “Let me guess, it’s Nico. Again.”

 “Okay… So, he can leave on read for hours, but starts panicking if you don’t answer straight away?”

 “He put salt in your coffee because you weren’t paying attention? Is he… like, five or something? But well, if you find that endearing… You do you, man.”

 And it only got worse after they met him, and began spinning a whole other narrative in which Martino was either a hero or a martyr, for ‘putting up’ with Nico.

 “Oh, you're such a great guy not giving up on that.”

 “You sure must love him a lot to endure all of his up and downs.”

He reassured them all, told them that he appreciated the concern but that they barely knew Niccolò so he wouldn’t stand for any further slandering of his boyfriend.

So they laid low, and stayed quiet, for a while. It hurt them to see Martino trapped in what clearly was an abusive relationship, but there was nothing more that could be said or done about it. Whenever Nico was mentioned, they changed the subject.

Until tonight. Asking them both to join them at a party, and then corner him and attempted to stage an ‘intervention’.

Couldn’t he see how possessive and controlling Niccolò was, manipulating Marti into thinking his new friends were out to get him?

 “The two of you, against the world? Doesn’t it sound disturbing to you?”

 “Marti, come on, you have to admit that he has controlling tendencies. He shouldn’t need to know where you are at all times, doing what, with whom. He shouldn’t come up and snatch you away, whenever he notices you spend time talking to the same person for more than 2 minutes.”

 “It’s like he can’t stand not being at the center of your attention 100% of the time.”

How… How dare they? Who the fuck do they think they are?

“Get out of my face, you fuckers. If I hear you badmouthing Nico ever again, you’re gonna regret it.”

Thankfully, they don’t try to stop him when he storms out the room. The last thing he wants is to end up in a fight, and having Niccolò find out it was because of him. It had already happened once, with Malik and his friends, and… No revival of that was needed, thanks.

Little do they know about their late conversations, when Martino had indeed noticed was off with Niccolò and tried to find out how he could help. Because Marti couldn’t relate to the magnitude of Niccolò feelings, sure, but he had been there the year before. When everyone in Uni had seemed far more interesting that a boy who still attended high school…

Niccolò has a jealous streak, sure. That had been clear ever since he put in his pasta. But it wasn’t the ugly side of jealousy, stemming from a warped sense of ownership over him. It was more like… Feeling like he didn’t matter, of maybe being interest enough to catch someone’s attention but lacking in keep them entertained. Which in turn made him petty, vindictive, clingy. It was only a matter of time before Martino would agree with those guys, and leave him for good.

Marti tapped Nico's skull, then, and said to his brain "Stop with this bullshit. Stop making my boyfriend suffer, you asshole. You know nothing, zero, zilch, nil, nada. You're worse than Jon Snow.” He bent down to kiss his heart, and went on with "You, on the other hand… You know Nico's the best thing that has ever happened to me and that I'd be a fool not to cherish it. So what if he’s got some flaws? Who cares? Not me. One thing matters and it’s this: no else compares. So yeah, tell him he shouldn't worry: I'm not going anywhere."

"Ever?" He mumbled, not quite ready to believe Martino.

"Kim Jong-un, Nico. Remember?"  Marti reminded him, smiling as he stroked his cheek.

"Right. How could I forget King-Kong-Là…" That made them both laugh, and they decided not to discuss the matter any further. They were far more pleasurable ways to spend their night together…

So yeah, screw them. Screw everyone who overanalyzes every little thing Niccolò does, who is always ready to point the finger at him and say that Martino deserves better.

Of course he does, duh. Better friends, for a start.

*********************** All due respect here... There's no respect due. So fuck you and you, and you and you. You're cool, but fuck you... And I'm out of here. (Swear Jar, Illy)

[monkey-network]

GTO: One of My Favorite Arcs

This one’s going to be a 1st for the channel. Great Teacher Onizuka is honestly one of my favorite manga of all time. It’s one of the few that regardless of how many others I’ve read, I just feel pride whenever it comes back in my mind. As such, I wanted to spin a tale of one of my favorite arcs of the original GTO series just because. Spoilers for anyone interested. First I’ll see to set the stage.

Urumi Kanzaki is one of the students in Onizuka’s class, and while they initially describe her as the dumb blonde stereotype since she looks the part, she is actually a child prodigy. Early in the series, she was one of the antagonists to Onizuka, harboring her hatred for teachers after a heart shattering moment involving one of her past educators, and essentially let her past trauma nuture her to believe her intelligence made her. She can be menacing with her intellect, to the point where she commits actual terrorism in the school after being provoked. Onizuka eventually gets through to her thanks to his unconventional, almost suicidal, methods, and she stands by him after “loosening her asshole” on life, so to speak.

Now. We cut to chapters 127... This isn’t necessary the start of the arc, I’d say it’s the setup. Kanzaki wants to hang out with Onizuka, get away from her parents, and she’s having some good fun with him. During this time, she grows closer to him, not much in infatuation as much as having genuine respect for him. Then another student/antagonist/friend(?) of Urumi, Miyabi Aizawa, comes out of nowhere. Their egos clash for a bit, ending with Urumi stinging Miyabi with some harsh words which causes her to retaliate with something that would hit Kanzaki where it hurts the most. When I mentioned that Kanzaki is a child prodigy, that intelligence comes from the fact that she was actually a in-vitro newborn.... a test tube baby. This origin has haunted her her whole life, one secret she wanted to bury more than anything, one that ignited her vitriol towards teachers in the first place, and on the day where she goes back to school, hopeful of being around people that would truly give her a sense of belonging....

Miyabi exposes her to the whole school

This “rumor” causes murmuring shame towards Kanzaki, immediately labeling her a monster, and this shatters her completely. As such, she decides to retaliate, one last time. Before leaving the school, she spray paints a website URL on the windows, MiyabiAizawa.com. Rightfully confused, Miyabi finds that Urumi set up hidden cameras in her house and the website was pre-meditated with teasing images and a countdown that has 69 hours left before it reveals a major secret Urumi had in store on it. This sends Miyabi into a cold panic and some of the students to hack into the secret of the site before time runs out, All the while, Onizuka heads out to track down Urumi, whom has ghosted within the city.

Things take a turn for the worse where it not only turns out the site will upload major viruses if there’s an attempt to break in, Urumi has plotted to kill herself not long after the website was discovered in an undisclosed location; reciting a notable Japanese philosopher’s farewell poem or swan song. Onizuka heads to her mother’s house, whom has little concern over her as much as the stock market being a heavy financial stockholder herself. As Onizuka storms off, it’s almost poetic justice that the company her mother invested in applied for bankruptcy, essentially ruining her financially and leaving in a desperate plea for Urumi’s presence. That’s something I love most about this series’ characters, regardless of whoever you are, you are not above getting punished or karma thrown back at you, deserved or not.

This arc, like the other great ones in this series as a whole, is also great in keeping the momentum. For someone that liked Urumi once redeemed and was happy that she finally got to be happy, I was on the edge of my seat with Onizuka wondering what happened. It was especially momentous that the one person Kanzaki conversed with before her attempt at death is Onizuka, generally the last person she found to be a great part in her otherwise heavy life. 

This is one of the few times where the series puts our hero not only on a race against the clock, but with someone’s life on the line. Someone he thought had changed, a smile he thought could live better for herself. And like with everyone else before her, he’s giving it his all to save her from her own built doom. Not to mention everything else going on; another teacher putting out a scandal note against Onizuka, Miyabi trying to OD herself, the foiling vice principal trying to track down Onizuka to selfishly help him get out of a crime. There’s just so many layers stacked on top of a considerably tragic and scary moment for Kanzaki. A moment that culminates in her passing out in the snow...

This wide panel especially got me. Contrasting the cluttered panels of the flashback before it, as it slowly shows snowfall, the sudden emptiness of it with Urumi’s body being the only thing there made page-turner feel like an understatement.

The climatic chapters have our teacher and the vice-principal giving chase up to the ski dome where she is and the students at the school creating an online hacker war to unlock the website. The vice-principal is clinging, tackling, begging Onizuka to help him save his job. And when the guy essentially throws Urumi out as a statistic, Onizuka rightfully puts him in his place.

I didn’t mention the vice-principal’s sideplot cuz I didn’t want this to be too long. I’ll just say he’s a well meaning yet ugly motherfucker and this moment here is definitely a good turning point for his character. This is also a great moment where Onizuka is legitimately angry at somebody and it just has the fist pumping feeling where you’re on his side 100%. Back to the main point, he finds Urumi in the distance and the students finally get the website unlocked. And after all this time, Urumi only planned to post a single image... of her and Miyabi as kids.

“She was only ever going to post this one. No matter what Miyabi did to her... in her heart... Urumi believes that they’re still friends and always will be.“

Miyabi overhears this in the hospital and while there are some loose ends to be handled in the later chapters, I'm honestly glad with the pervy yet relieving ending we get where Urumi wakes to find that Onizuka and a tag along student came to save her, happy that her favorite teacher went through all that trouble just for her.

One of the core themes of GTO has always been ‘Responsibility’. For Onizuka, where he lacks in actual academics, his strength is in helping people, students or adults, own up to the troubles they bear deep down, think better or remind themselves that there can always be a better path to take than the one they’re on. This is with the fact that Onizuka does not stop until his job is taken care of regardless of what gets in his way. This is where GTO shines for me. Be it a race against time or having to deal with persistent antagonists, Fujisawa knows how to make every chapter well paced to where you can feel genuinely concerned with what happens next yet never feels like each is getting stretched thin with padding. It can get text heavy sometimes, but he makes sure every arc reaches the most satisfying conclusions, open ended or otherwise, and he makes sure Onizuka does not rest or die until a lesson has been learned. For Kanzaki, like the one before, it’s about not letting the past have a chokehold on your life and it was pretty heartfelt to know that while Urumi had the right to get revenge on Miyabi, she doesn’t and she was willing to die knowing that memorial pain of hers would never go away. And when Onizuka saves her, it was that second chance to learn that while the past can hurt, she doesn’t have to cause trouble to know she doesn’t have to suffer alone with her memories, garnering a even better respect for Onizuka. 

As for this arc, I will admit that it isn’t the greatest arc in the entire original series, I’m saving that for another day, but it’s one of my favorite because getting to know Kanzaki, I felt really concerned for her. Near death experiences isn’t uncommon in this series, but this is one of the few times where the tension of rescuing her and seeing Onizuka furiously riding his motorcycle actually sat with me. It made me truly respect this series with how dark it can get without ever going on melodramatic. Like its main character, it always see to be real with its readers and this arc honestly put set the stakes and only went better from there. Like it’s main character, the story puts the pedal to the medal and just gives ya the most driving ride of your life.

It was the best