#top 39 eurovision

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Andrew Doyle

Published: May 13, 2024

The annual parade of kitsch and clamour, otherwise known as the Eurovision Song Contest, has devolved somewhat in recent years. Once a harmless extravaganza of camp and self-knowing nonsense, it has gone the way of most gay culture and fallen into the fatal trap of taking itself too seriously. This fluffy creature has started to bare fangs.

Of course, Eurovision has always been political. The tradition of Greece and Cyprus awarding each other full marks was as daft as it was inevitable. But the spectre of war has somehow now intruded itself; in 2022, the public vote for Ukraine was an expression of sympathy rather than a sincere judgement on the quality of the song, and this year the Israeli singer Eden Golan required an escort of around one hundred police officers due to threats from protesters. Such baleful developments take us a long way from the frivolity of “Puppet on a String” and “Hard Rock Hallelujah”.

This year the trophy went to Switzerland’s Nemo, a man in a skirt who identifies as “non-binary”. The UK entry, Olly Alexander, calls himself “gay and queer and non-binary” but magnanimously accepts the pronouns “he” and “him”. And then there is the “queer” and “non-binary” Irish entry Bambie Thug, a woman who came sixth in the competition but first in the award for the sorest of losers. Having being beaten by Israel, whose very presence in the competition was a source of outrage for Thug, she had the following to say:

“I’m so proud of Nemo winning. I’m so proud that all of us are in the top ten that have been fighting for this shit behind the scenes because it has been so hard and it’s been so horrible for us. And I’m so proud of us. And I just want to say, we are what the Eurovision is. The EBU [European Broadcasting Union] is not what the Eurovision is. Fuck the EBU. I don’t even care anymore. Fuck them. The thing that makes this is the contestants, the community behind it, the love and the power and the support of all of us is what is making change. And the world has spoken. The queers are coming. Non-binaries for the fucking win.”

One might argue that all of this is simply an extension of the high-campery of old. Thug certainly looks pantomimic, with her Christmas-cracker devil horns, and the layers of makeup piled on to what used to be a face. But what were once the glittery fripperies of gay culture have been hijacked by the acolytes of gender identity ideology, a movement that has appropriated this whimsical sheen to advance its authoritarian and sinister goals. It is this same movement that has successfully lobbied governments to introduce draconian speech laws, has hounded people out of their jobs for wrongthink, and has normalised bullying and threats of violence in the name of “social justice”. 

The very notion of “non-binary” is a reactionary concept dressed up in the guise of progressivism. Most of those who identify as non-binary are embracing, rather than rejecting, sex stereotypes. They claim to feel neither sufficiently masculine nor feminine, which is simply another way of reinforcing what it means to be male or female.

The same ambiguity goes for “queer”. Many gay people see this as a anti-gay slur, associating the term with the practice of “queer-bashing”. But now, many young heterosexuals are identifying themselves into this category as a means to claim the high status that now accompanies victimhood. Dannii Minogue, a lifelong heterosexual, recently “came out” as “queer”. To those who have been the victims of homophobic abuse and violence, it’s galling to see straights embracing the term as a fashion accessory. Minogue may as well have come out as a “faggot” or a “dyke”.

A study by the Arizona Christian University which surveyed six hundred people between the ages of 18 and 37 found that of those in the lower age bracket (18 to 24), 39 per cent identified as “LGBT”. Statistically, the majority of these respondents will be heterosexual. If this trend is to continue, it won’t be long before the “LGBTQIA+ community” will largely comprise of straight people with a kink. In fact, we’re probably already there.

Just because a majority rebrands itself as a minority, that doesn’t make it oppressed. This is the context in which Bambie Thug’s battle cry – “The queers are coming” – ought to be understood. The oppression of gay people throughout history is an incontestable fact, but heterosexuals, however fetishistic, have usually been left alone. It’s little wonder that more and more gay people are rejecting the “LGBTQIA+” label.

One of the common mantras intoned by activist groups and the institutions they have infected is that “non-binary identities are valid”. They are not referring to the standard definition of “valid” as an argument that has “a sound basis in logic or fact”. After all, there are only two human sexes and no third gamete. Rather, in the activist lexicon to be “valid” is an acknowledgement of the legitimacy of personal feelings, or “individual truths”, a close cousin of the notion of “lived experience”.

We are assured that “non-binary people have always existed”, a form of historical revisionism intended to shame anyone who refuses to dance along to the circus march of our times. Gareth Roberts points out the folly of such declarations in his new book Gay Shame, and how they are “throwing back into the unknowable past something that was literally invented on Tumblr in 2011”.

To be “non-binary” is a modish form of self-identification, no different from the “goths” of the 1980s or the “teddy boys” of the 1960s. The major departure is that those who identify as “non-binary” are now demanding that others pretend that their identity is something innate. To be born “non-binary” is about as feasible as being born an “emo”, and I have yet to hear of a case of a baby emerging from the womb in ripped skinny jeans and black eyeliner.

So when Bambie Thug cries out “Non-binaries for the fucking win!”, the connotations are a little more sinister than the teenage trends of yesteryear. Major corporations and public bodies are now insisting that we pretend that people can identify out of the categories of male and female, irrespective of the impact on the rights of women, gay people and children. Laws are being passed that will criminalise those who refuse to play along with the fantasies of narcissists. In other words, there is a lot more at stake than the fleeting fashions of Eurovision.

--

==

To claim to be "nonbinary," you have to believe in very strict, narrow, conservative gender stereotypes...

... in order to insist that you're a unicorn who is not.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #14 & #13

14. ESTONIA Alika - "Bridges" 8th place

Decade ranking: 40/116 [Above Circus Mircus, below TBA]

Tweak some bangs, Alika's Shart.

It is amazing how a few on-point tweaks can make a song significantly more appealing. I went up and down on Alika throughout the months, but a year after I've put her low on the pre-show ranking I am ready to lock in my final verdict: Bridges is kind of really good.

Ofc there were huge problems down the road cuz you know, vocal masturbation ballad in a BorisBubbles ranking, and also, clear jury carry the year after Marius Bear and Nadir Whatshisgjon, but Estonia ironed out their most glaring flaws, so what else can I ask for? I got what I wanted.

Estonia's problem for me, as I've come to realize once I started liking Alika again, was always one of aesthetics, and specifically visual aesthetics (keep that in mind when I rank Europapa low for the lack of bags-over-head (lol if I rank ESC2024 to begin with (I mean, I probably will (I am not readly to enter that discourse yet tho (regardless, that haircut is a capital offence))))). A big inherent flaw of vocal flex ballads like "Bridges" is the lack of dynamism and emotional gravitas (as the vocal technique goes against these principles - "loud" is a pitch, not an emotion) - it's a flaw that comes with the genre and that's something only charisma can fix. Pre-show Alika looked like she'd been dragged out of a river and then SHOUTED into a mic without moving, so yeah, that's where I bail. Slimane your way into someone else's simple and easily-impressed heart please, I Am Not The Demograph. (-- Alesia Michelle).

The version in Liverpool though was - by textbook definition almost - a glow-up. Alongside her Jenevelle hair, Estonia actually put Alika in a beautiful gown and made her move around. Observe:

NOW I SEE MAHSEEL BEELDING UP A WOALD OF BREEECHEEEEEEEEEES

Apparently a lot of people were mesmerized by the self-playing piano but for me the biggest factor in selling "Bridges" was just Alika herself. Props are nice embellishments but the true art of live performance is when score and vocal come together via the power of Personality. Which she finally showed in Liverpool after what felt like an eternity.

By allowing Alika to just do... idk, Alika things with her body lang, face and hands, Estonia broke the monotony of "three minutes of loudness" and made it fun, camp and digestible. If theres anything The Gays (me) like, it's a neat lady doing silly things with fierce confidence. Yasss Go Slay Queen.

Ultimately, a lot of people think Alika's top 10 is nonsense and a strike against juries and here I disagree. That a strong glow up and performance such as Alika's went unappreciated by the televote is a huge strike against the televote, not the other way around. I am happy she got her spot in the limelight, and 8th place is a good, if somewhat generous representation of what she brought. I'll never be a huge fan of the song "Bridges", but at the end of the day Alika really ate that live, and that's something worth rewarding.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

13. POLAND Blanka - "Solo" 19nd place

Decade Ranking: 39/116 [Above Alika, below Stefan]

"ARIANA GRANDE IF ARIANA HAD NO TALENT" -- my immediate instinct when i first heard "Solo"

Were my instincts wrong, though? Her lack of performance skill and talent, the online response, the severed heads of Jann and Iru she keeps mounted on a pedestal in her boudoire. Blanka was the Mery Bass of 2023. She has no business being this good.

btw yes, lmao so hard that THIS ENTRY was somehow one of the more controversial ones in recent ESC. Honestly, the 13th place I'm giving here is at least half thanks to the controversy which made "Solo" feel iconic - it is exceedingly funny to me that it caused so much outrage for... existing? What did Blanka ever do? Certainly not rob better acts - Listen to Jann and listen to Iru and tell me straight-faced they were better.

BEJBA! IS KINDA KRAJZA!

As a song, "Solo" was always fun femmetrash. Ever since Eleni the majority of the Eurovision girlbops have been attempting to recreate Fuegos with varying successes - Competently staged with intricate choreographies to commemorate our inner faggotry. "Solo" represents a style of girlbop that's gone out of fashion - the "Aphrodisiac"-like basic bop by useless bitches for useless cigs. (Fuego is what gays see themselves as, Solo is what they actually are). Aphrodisiacs have become nearly extinct at Eurovision because they nearly always lose the NF nowadays. So thank you Jann for performing 'Gladiator' in Scooby-Doo vocals so that we could witness Bejba fullfill her beautiful destiny in Liverpool.

And what a destiny it was. In a way, most of the things I wrote about Alika also apply to Blanka. A few small tweaks to the performance can make the whole a lot better. Unlike Alika though, who ampted up the sophistication, Blanka went a route I respect more: She listened to fan feedback.

Slight paraphrasing:

Fans: "EWW BLANKA HAS NO TALENT, CAN'T DANCE, CAN'T SING, WON BASED ON MONEY!!!" Blanka: "... so? 🙂"

I don't know WHEN Blanka decided to be everything the fans accused her of (talentless, washed-up, plastic), amped up to comical levels, but thank fuck she did because it made her instantly epic. It is rare for a Eurovision artist to address her online haters by Now I Betta Troll'em, Troll'em, and Blanka as it turns out is masterfully skilled at trollery. She elevated it into an art.

The Cheap VFX <3

The badly performed wooden choreos <3

The Dutch angles <3

Doing the Eleftheria thing of having your backing vocalist sing over you, while you mug the camera with semi-fierce faces and placeholder hairflips.

Accused to having no performance skill or talent? Add in a cheap dance break anyway, and enjoy every second of it, live your dream while they fume on Twitter, angry that Poland qualified over Georgia.

Guess where I am, honey? 💋 I'm in the final. 💋 And I'm here to stay 💋 :dramatic cymball:

"Solo" was incompetent, plastic and a huge mess, and that was great because it was all deliberate. That made it epic. Poland really took all the negative criticism they received and yanked it up to 11 and it made the entry better. If that isn't a taunting flex in the face of toxicity, I don't know what is. Given how venomous the fandom has been since the pandemic, that is an approach to life I can totally get behind.

THE RANKING

AND WITH THAT WE MADE IT OUT OF THE MILD LIKE ZONE, HOO-fucking-RAY. Now bear in mind that the next few eliminees are very LOW lush greens and there's quite a few of those before we get to the really good stuff, but eh. Soon I'll be able to talk about the songs I loved, and that's always a treat.

[eurovision-revisited]

Eurovision 2005: Qualification

The party is getting bigger. Welcome Bulgaria, Moldova and welcome back Hungary. It's another new record entry of 39 songs. There are 25 countries in the semi-final with the top ten going to the final. Already in the final are hosts Ukraine, the big four plus the other top nine finishing countries from 2004. I wonder if not appearing in the semi-final will affect the results from those acts..?

Even more countries and even more national finals. Last year there were thirty. This year there are thirty-four. Only five broadcasters internally selected, including Poland who after two years of great finals decided that they knew who they wanted to send. There are only two song selection finals this year, interestingly in Greece and Cyprus. That means thirty-two actual singing competitions in an ever increasing number of formats.

Not only are there more national finals, but those finals are getting bigger. There are several that have more than thirty songs in competitions. Ukraine, having undergone a revolution decided to hold its first ever national final and opened it up to just about every act in Ukraine. There were fifteen heats of five songs each - making 75 Ukrainian hopefuls in total.

As I've been doing for every years since 1997, I've included the Festival di Sanremo songs and this year I've also included Lebanon's intended entry as well. That makes a grand total of 627 songs. That's up from 503 last year and almost three times bigger than the number that there were in 1992. Running this bracket with all these songs took more than two months!

Surely they can't all be good? Let's find out.

[danielfuckingricciardo]

Because I’m in the Eurovision mood I thought I’d share my favourite song from each country (past and present!)

1. Albania 🇦🇱

2022 - Sekret // Ronela Hajati

2. Andorra 🇦🇩

2006 - Sense Tu // Jennifer

3. Armenia 🇦🇲

2014 - Not Alone // Aram MP3

4. Australia 🇦🇺

2015 - Tonight Again // Guy Sebastian

5. Austria 🇦🇹

2014 - Rise Like a Phoenix // Conchita Wurst

(This song makes me feel emotions every time damn it!)

6. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿

2021 - Mata Hari // Efendi

7. Belarus 🇧🇾

2014 - Cheesecake // Teo

(Underrated tune fr)

8. Belgium 🇧🇪

2015 - Rhythm Inside // Loïc Nottet

9. Bosnia and Herzegovina 🇧🇦

2011 - Love in Rewind // Dino Merlín

10. Bulgaria 🇧🇬

2017 - Beautiful Mess // Kristian Kostov

11. Croatia 🇭🇷

2023 - Mama ŠČ! // Let 3

12. Cyprus 🇨🇾

2018 - Fuego // Eleni Foureira

13. Czechia 🇨🇿

2019 - Friend of a Friend // Lake Malawi

(Was very hard to choose between this one and Lie To Me. It’s a very close second)

14. Denmark 🇩🇰

2021 - Øve Os På Hinanden // Fyr Og Flamme

(Was robbed in the semi-finals imo)

15. Estonia 🇪🇪

2015 - Goodbye to Yesterday // Elina Born + Stig Rästa

16. Finland 🇫🇮

2022 - Jezebel // The Rasmus

(Should have done so much better imo)

17. France 🇫🇷

2016 - J’ai Cherché // Amir

18. Georgia 🇬🇪

2011 - One More Day // Eldrine

19. Germany 🇩🇪

2011 - Taken by a Stranger // Lena

(Better than Satellite for sure, but Satellite slaps too)

20. Greece 🇬🇷

2008 - Secret Combination // Kalomira

21. Hungary 🇭🇺

2018 - Viszlát Nyár // AWS

22. Iceland 🇮🇸

2020 - Think About Things // Daði og Gagnamagnið

(Basic I know but it’s just such a good tune)

23. Ireland 🇮🇪

2011 - Lipstick // Jedward

(Not sorry about this one it slaps and Jedward are my kings)

24. Israel 🇮🇱

2015 - Golden Boy // Nadav Guedj

25. Italy 🇮🇹

(Gonna have to do a top five because I have such a thing for Italy in Eurovision I can’t pick just one oop)

2017 - Occidentali’s Karma // Francesco Gabbani

2015 - Grande Amore // Il Volo

2018 - Non Mi Avette Fatto Niente // Ermal Meta + Fabrizio Moro

2021 - Zitti E Buoni // Måneskin

2019 - Soldi // Mahmood

26. Latvia 🇱🇻

2022 - Eat Your Salad // Citi Zēni

(As a vegetarian and a bisexual I approve this message)

27. Lithuania 🇱🇹

2021 - Discotheque // The Roop

28. Luxembourg 🇱🇺

1988 - Croire // Lara Fabian

29. Malta 🇲🇹

2022 - Je Me Casse // Destiny

30. Moldova 🇲🇩

(My second favourite Eurovision country so here’s a top three)

2022 - Trenulețul // Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers

2018 - My Lucky Day // DoReDos

2017 - Hey Mamma // Sunstroke Project

31. Monaco 🇲🇨

1964 - Où Sont-elles Passées? // Romuald

(When I say I have an obsession with this song I mean it. PS Monaco plz come back we miss you!!)

32. Montenegro 🇲🇪

2015 - Adio // Knez

- Ranking Morocco doesn’t really feel fair because they only participated once lol -

33. The Netherlands 🇳🇱

2016 - Slow Down // Douwe Bob

(Hehe 33 Max Verstappen number it’s fate fr)

34. North Macedonia 🇲🇰

2012 - Crno I Belo // Kaliopi

35. Norway 🇳🇴

2009 - Fairytale // Alexander Rybak

(Listen I know it’s a basic choice but this song is iconic for a reason y’know? It slaps)

36. Poland 🇵🇱

2022 - River // Ochman

(King of the vocals fr brings me to tears every time)

37. Portugal 🇵🇹

2021 - Love is On My Side // The Black Mamba

38. Romania 🇷🇴

2010 - Playing With Fire // Paula Seling + Ovi

39. Russia 🇷🇺

2016 - You are the Only One // Sergey Lazarev

(Listen I’m a Sergey Lazarev stan first and human second. Between 2016 and 2018 I almost exclusively listened to his back catalogue and nothing else)

40. San Marino 🇸🇲

(Underrated country fr no one gets them like I do so they also get a top three)

2022 - Stripper // Achille Lauro

2021 - Adrenalina // Senhit + Flo-Rida

2019 - Say Na Na Na // Serhat

41. Serbia 🇷🇸

2023 - Samo Mi Se Spava // Luke Black

- Also not counting Serbia and Montenegro because they don’t have an emoji flag and they only participated twice -

42. Slovakia 🇸🇰

2010 - Horehronie // Kristina Pelakova

43. Slovenia 🇸🇮

2023 - Carpe Diem // Joker Out

44. Spain 🇪🇸

2019 - La Venda // Miki

(When I say this song was robbed I mean it. One of the biggest injustices faced in Eurovision was Miki coming 22nd)

45. Sweden 🇸🇪

(Sweden get a top three because they’re Sweden… they always slay)

2015 - Heroes // Måns Zelmerlöw

2012 - Euphoria // Loreen

2017 - I Can’t Go On // Robin Bengtsson

46. Switzerland 🇨🇭

2021 - Tout l'Univers // Gjon’s Tears

47. Türkiye 🇹🇷

2010 - We Could Be The Same // maNga

(Türkiye come back we miss you!!)

48. Ukraine 🇺🇦

(Another slay country so here’s a top three)

2018 - Under the Ladder // MELOVIN

2007 - Dancing Lasha Tumbai // Verka Serduchka

2021 - Shum // Go_A

49. United Kingdom 🇬🇧

(In the name of patriotism, of which I have very little, let’s do a top five + an honourable mention)

2012 - Love Will Set You Free // Engelbert Humperdinck

2022 - SPACE MAN // Sam Ryder

1981 - Making Your Mind Up // Buck’s Fizz

1968 - Congratulations // Cliff Richard

1976 - Save Your Kisses for Me // Brotherhood of Man

+ my honourable mention, Freaks // Jordan Clarke which should have been our song for 2019 but the British general public have no taste. I firmly believe this is why they no longer trust us to hold a national selection anymore lol

50. Yugoslavia *insert flag here*

1989 - Rock Me // Riva

(Basic choice I know, to pick their only winning song, but it slaps)

And that’s everyone!! Feel free to judge me hard for my tastes lol 😂

[deadcactuswalking]

CHART CHASERS: Uncovering New Hits - AI Writes REVIEWING THE CHARTS

Content Warning: The following chart review episode may contain discussions and references to sensitive topics, including but not limited to explicit language, controversial themes, and discussions about artists and their personal lives. Listener discretion is advised. If you find any of these topics distressing, we encourage you to exercise self-care and skip over those sections. Remember, your well-being is important to us.

ChatGPT has re-written the last episode. The only things not AI-generated are this intro and the chart placements: yes, everything from the content warning to the producer credits is from ChatGPT, though for the rundown I did just ask it to rewrite what I had already written for last week’s episode, and, well, I did decide the prompts were getting a bit boring eventually so uh, you’ll see how it goes. I, for one, think my reviews are slightly too human so I welcome our new robot overlords - welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS! Or, more accurately…

Rundown

In this episode, we have quite a busy week to cover, which is why it comes as no surprise that we have a significant number of notable dropouts—songs that have exited the UK Top 75. These songs either spent five weeks in the region or achieved a peak in the top 40. Among the songs bidding farewell this week are some Eurovision hits, including Alessandra's "Queen of Kings" and Kaarija's "Cha Cha Cha." Additionally, we also say goodbye to Ed Sheeran hits like "Life Goes On" and "Curtains." Other tracks making their exit include Nines' "Tony Soprano 2," Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj's "Princess Diana," Taylor Swift's "Snow on the Beach" featuring Lana Del Rey, Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do with It," Miguel's "Sure Thing," Lewis Capaldi's "Forget Me," and OneRepublic's "I Ain't Worried."

When it comes to filling in the gaps, there is only one re-entry at #49, which is Taylor Swift's "Anti-Hero." However, we do have some notable gains to highlight. "Relax My Eyes" by ANOTR and Abel Balder sees a boost at #58, while Anne-Marie's "UNHEALTHY" featuring Shania Twain climbs to #48. Additionally, Luude and Bru-C's "TMO (Turn Me On)" featuring Kevin Lyttle makes its way up to #45—an uplifting development. On the other hand, there are a few gains that I'm not particularly pleased about, such as Kali's "Area Codes" at #39, Byron Messia's "Talibans" at #37, and Becky Hill and Lewis Thompson's "Side Effects" at #35. However, I am glad to see Jorja Smith's "Little Things" rising to #28, and Hannah Laing and RoRo's "Good Love" making a significant debut at #22. Moving closer to the top 10, Dua Lipa's "Dance the Night" gains momentum at #13, and Kylie Minogue's "Padam Padam" sits at #12—both just missing the top 10. Meanwhile, Rudimental, Vibe Chemistry, and Charlotte Plank's "Dancing is Healing" enters the top 10 at #8. Although it's disappointing that this new top 10 hit isn't as impressive, there's not much we can do about it.

In this week's UK Singles Chart, the top five positions are filled with notable tracks. At #5, we have David Kushner's "Daylight," followed by Switch Disco and Ella Henderson's collaboration with the late Robert Miles titled "REACT" at #4. Taking the third spot is "Giving Me" by Jazzy, while Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding's enchanting track "Miracle" secures the #2 position. And, of course, at the pinnacle, we find "Sprinter," which we will delve into later as part of our discussion on the intriguing new entries of the week. Let's begin exploring them now.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 - “Give it to Me” - Matt Sassari

Produced by Matt Sassari

Matt Sassari presents us with his house remix of the iconic song "Give it to Me," originally performed by Timbaland, Nelly Furtado, and Justin Timberlake, which reached #1 in 2007. With a middling opinion, let's explore how this remix fares.

Sassari's take on "Give it to Me" infuses the track with a fresh house vibe, aiming to bring new energy to the familiar lyrics and melody. The remix incorporates pulsating beats, groovy basslines, and a driving rhythm, transforming the original R&B and hip-hop elements into a dancefloor-friendly experience.

While the remix showcases Sassari's skillful production techniques, it falls short in delivering a truly memorable interpretation. The essence of the original is somewhat diluted in this rendition, as the distinct personalities and vocal styles of Timbaland, Furtado, and Timberlake are replaced with an instrumental-focused approach. The absence of the original vocal performances may leave some listeners longing for the catchy hooks and memorable verses that made the original version so popular.

That said, for fans of house music and those seeking a fresh take on a familiar hit, Sassari's remix of "Give it to Me" may offer an enjoyable listening experience. The infectious beats and rhythmic elements will undoubtedly find their place on dancefloors, providing a lively atmosphere and opportunities for energetic moves.

Ultimately, the middling opinion on this remix arises from its inability to surpass or capture the same magic as the original chart-topping version. While Sassari's efforts to infuse a new genre into the track are commendable, the absence of the original vocal performances may hinder its ability to leave a lasting impression on listeners who hold nostalgic ties to the 2007 hit.

In summary, Matt Sassari's house remix of "Give it to Me" brings a fresh twist to the well-known song but falls short of matching the impact and appeal of the original version. It serves as an alternative rendition for those who appreciate a dancefloor-focused approach but may not fully resonate with fans of the original track

#68 - “HEATED” - Beyoncé

Produced by Beyoncé and Pharrell Williams

Beyoncé delivers a captivating performance with her song "HEATED", a track that holds a fascinating backstory. Co-written by Drake, with the leaked reference vocal track adding intrigue, "HEATED" showcases the immense talent of both artists and solidifies its place as a standout on the album it originates from.

From the moment the song begins, Beyoncé's commanding vocals take center stage, effortlessly captivating the listener's attention. Her powerful delivery and incredible range shine through, demonstrating why she is considered one of the most exceptional vocalists in the industry.

The involvement of Drake as a co-writer adds another layer of interest to "HEATED". The leaked reference vocal track, despite being unintended, offers a glimpse into the creative process and the collaborative effort between two remarkable artists. It serves as a testament to their shared musical vision and enhances the overall allure of the song.

Beyond its intriguing backstory, "HEATED" thrives on its own merits. The production is masterfully crafted, combining lush instrumentals with modern, innovative elements. The song's infectious beat, mesmerizing melodies, and rich harmonies create an immersive sonic experience that enthralls from start to finish.

Moreover, "HEATED" finds its place within an exceptional album, further solidifying Beyoncé's artistic prowess. The album, with its cohesive sound and thoughtfully curated tracklist, showcases Beyoncé's creative genius and her ability to deliver powerful and emotionally resonant music. It demonstrates her willingness to explore different styles and push boundaries, all while maintaining a sense of authenticity and artistry.

In conclusion, "HEATED" by Beyoncé is a remarkable piece of music that showcases her immense talent and artistry. The involvement of Drake as a co-writer, along with the leaked reference vocal track, adds an intriguing element to the song's narrative. With its impeccable production and Beyoncé's captivating vocals, "HEATED" stands out as a standout track on an exceptional album. It serves as a testament to the enduring artistry and creative exploration of both Beyoncé and Drake, leaving listeners in awe of their musical genius.

#63 - “bread & butter” - Gunna

Produced by Turbo, Omar Grand and Cam Griffin

Gunna's "bread & butter" presents a trap-infused anthem that exudes confidence and showcases the artist's undeniable talent. While the song touches on the sensitive topic of allegations regarding Gunna's involvement with his gang YSL and the subsequent plea deal he took to ensure his freedom, the track itself is a testament to his artistry and ability to deliver captivating music.

Produced by Turbo, "bread & butter" boasts a meticulously crafted trap beat that serves as the perfect backdrop for Gunna's smooth and melodic flow. The production is rich and dynamic, featuring hard-hitting drums, infectious hooks, and captivating instrumental layers that enhance the overall energy of the song.

Gunna's lyrics exhibit a sense of resilience and determination, reflecting his personal journey through challenging circumstances. While the allegations surrounding his gang affiliation and plea deal may have been a controversial chapter in his life, Gunna manages to channel these experiences into a confident and empowering track. It serves as a testament to his ability to rise above adversity and maintain his focus on success.

"bread & butter" is a prime example of Gunna's distinct style and unique approach to trap music. His effortless delivery, coupled with the intricate wordplay and catchy hooks, solidifies his position as a prominent figure in the genre. The song's infectious energy and memorable melodies make it a standout within Gunna's discography.

In conclusion, Gunna's "bread & butter" is a trap anthem that showcases the artist's undeniable talent and ability to create captivating music. While the song touches on sensitive subject matter surrounding allegations and plea deals, its focus lies in Gunna's artistic expression and his ability to deliver an engaging and energetic track. With Turbo's expert production and Gunna's signature flow, "bread & butter" cements itself as a standout within the trap genre, leaving listeners captivated by its infectious hooks and empowering lyrics.

#60 - “Closer” - Bou featuring Slay

Produced by Zephyr

"Closer" by Bou featuring Slay is a disappointing track that attempts to ride on the coattails of a timeless classic, "Children" by Robert Miles. However, instead of paying homage or bringing a fresh interpretation to the sampled material, it falls flat in its execution and fails to capture the magic of the original.

The decision to sample "Children" raises expectations, as it is a well-loved and iconic song. Unfortunately, "Closer" does little justice to the source material, with the sampling feeling forced and lacking the emotional depth and impact that made the original so memorable. Rather than building upon the foundation laid by Robert Miles, Bou's attempt to incorporate the sample feels uninspired and ultimately falls short.

Adding to the disappointment is Slay's contribution to the track. Slay's vocals come across as a subpar imitation of other artists in the genre, particularly Bru-C. Rather than bringing a unique style or standout performance, Slay's delivery feels lackluster and fails to make a lasting impression. The comparison to Bru-C only highlights the shortcomings of Slay's performance, as it becomes evident that his delivery lacks the energy, charisma, and distinctiveness that make Bru-C a standout artist.

In terms of production, "Closer" lacks innovation and fails to carve out its own identity. The beats and instrumental elements feel generic and formulaic, failing to bring anything new or exciting to the table. As a result, the track becomes forgettable and fails to leave a lasting impact on the listener.

In summary, "Closer" by Bou featuring Slay is a disappointing attempt to sample a classic song without bringing any substantial creative vision to the table. The sampling of "Children" lacks the emotional depth of the original, and Slay's vocals pale in comparison to other artists in the genre. The lackluster production and generic beats further contribute to the track's overall mediocrity. Ultimately, "Closer" fails to capture the magic of the sampled material and falls short of delivering a memorable or enjoyable listening experience

#59 - “Annihilate” (Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) - Metro Boomin, Swae Lee, Lil Wayne and Offset

Produced by Metro Boomin, Wheezy, TM88 “or even” Zaytoven

"Annihilate," featured on the Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse soundtrack, brings together Metro Boomin, Swae Lee, Lil Wayne, and Offset for an intriguing collaboration. However, the track falls into a middling territory due to weak production and the inclusion of peculiar lyrics about spiders. Nevertheless, Lil Wayne's verse manages to stand out amidst the shortcomings.

Starting with the production, "Annihilate" fails to leave a strong impression. The instrumental lacks the depth and innovation needed to create a truly captivating sonic experience. The overall sound feels generic, missing an opportunity to create a distinct atmosphere that would enhance the track's impact. The weak production contributes to a lackluster overall vibe that fails to ignite excitement or leave a lasting impact on the listener.

Additionally, the inclusion of strange lyrics about spiders can be off-putting and disrupt the cohesiveness of the track. While the Spider-Man theme may be a fitting choice given the soundtrack's context, the execution falls short of creating a seamless integration. The unconventional lyrical content about spiders can be distracting and may alienate listeners who are looking for a more relatable or engaging narrative within the song.

Amidst these criticisms, Lil Wayne's verse manages to shine. Known for his distinctive flow and wordplay, Lil Wayne injects energy and charisma into "Annihilate." His lyrical prowess and delivery stand out as the highlight of the track, providing a glimmer of excitement and memorable moments within an otherwise lackluster production.

In summary, "Annihilate" falls into a middling category due to weak production and the inclusion of peculiar lyrics about spiders. The track lacks a strong sonic presence, and the strange lyrical content can be distracting. However, Lil Wayne's verse saves the day, bringing a much-needed spark of energy and skill to the song. While the overall track may not be a standout, Lil Wayne's contribution adds a redeeming quality that fans of the artist may appreciate.

#56 - “Calling” (Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) - Metro Boomin, Swae Lee and NAV featuring A Boogie wit da Hoodie

Produced by Metro Boomin

"Calling," a track featuring Metro Boomin, Swae Lee, NAV, and A Boogie wit da Hoodie, is an interesting addition to the Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse soundtrack. While Swae Lee's performance stands out, the inclusion of references to the Israeli government and judicial crisis in a song from a superhero movie soundtrack feels out of place and somewhat inappropriate.

Starting with the positives, Swae Lee's vocals bring a captivating and melodic element to the track. His smooth delivery and catchy hooks create an enjoyable listening experience and add a layer of depth to the song. Swae Lee's contribution shines amidst the collaboration, making his presence a highlight worth noting.

However, the inclusion of references to the Israeli government and judicial crisis within a song from a Spider-Man movie soundtrack raises eyebrows. The choice to touch on such a complex and politically charged topic feels out of sync with the intended theme of the soundtrack. It can create a sense of confusion for listeners and distract from the overall enjoyment of the music.

Furthermore, the inclusion of these references by artists who seem to support the Israeli government adds another layer of complexity. It seems odd to address such a sensitive issue within the context of a Spider-Man movie, as it can divert attention from the core message of the film and create a disconnect between the song and its intended purpose.

In summary, "Calling" presents a mixed bag of elements. While Swae Lee's performance adds a memorable touch to the track, the inclusion of references to the Israeli government and judicial crisis feels out of place within the Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse soundtrack. It disrupts the cohesiveness and appropriateness of the song, potentially detracting from the overall listening experience. It is worth noting that the inclusion of such sensitive topics within a superhero movie soundtrack may not align with the expectations and preferences of all listeners.

#52 - “Sittin’ on Top of the World” - Burna Boy

Produced by Kel P, Leriq, P2J, Rexxie and JAE5

"Sittin' on Top of the World" by Burna Boy is a captivating track that showcases the artist's talent and versatility. The song stands out with its clever sampling of Brandy's "#2 hit" featuring Ma$e, adding a nostalgic touch to the overall composition.

Burna Boy's interpretation of the sample brings a fresh perspective, infusing the track with his unique style and infectious energy. His confident and charismatic delivery shines through, creating a captivating listening experience. The fusion of Afrobeat elements and the sampled melody creates a dynamic blend that resonates with fans of Burna Boy's music.

While it may seem irrelevant to the review, it's worth noting that personal opinions about fast food restaurants can vary. While some individuals may enjoy the convenience and affordability they offer, others may have concerns about the environment and hygiene standards. However, it's essential to focus on the review at hand and provide an objective assessment of the music.

Returning to the song, "Sittin' on Top of the World" captivates listeners with its infectious rhythms, melodic hooks, and engaging lyrics. Burna Boy's ability to craft catchy melodies and deliver compelling performances elevates the track and contributes to its overall appeal. The song's production is polished and well-executed, providing a solid foundation for Burna Boy's vocals to shine.

In conclusion, "Sittin' on Top of the World" is a strong addition to Burna Boy's discography, showcasing his talent as an artist. The clever sampling of Brandy's "#2 hit" adds a nostalgic touch that resonates with fans, while Burna Boy's unique style and delivery make the track stand out. Despite any personal opinions about fast food restaurants, it's important to focus on the musical aspects and recognize the strength of Burna Boy's performance in this particular song.

#51 - “Am I Dreaming” - Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky and Roisee

Produced by Metro Boomin, Clams Casino, Hector Delgado and Danger Mouse

"Am I Dreaming" is a captivating collaboration that brings together the talents of Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky, and Roisee. The track showcases the artists' ability to create a mesmerizing and immersive musical experience. The production, helmed by Metro Boomin, offers a captivating backdrop with its intricate beats and atmospheric soundscapes. The opening bars immediately draw the listener in, promising a journey through the realms of hip-hop and trap.

However, as I delve into analyzing the song, I can't help but find myself drifting into a contemplation of my own existence. It's as if the music triggers a mid-life crisis within me, a reflection on the choices made and the paths not taken. Thoughts of missed opportunities, unfulfilled dreams, and the relentless ticking of the clock flood my mind, overshadowing the review I set out to write.

What is the purpose of it all? Have I achieved what I set out to do? Is there still time to chase those dreams or am I destined to remain trapped in the monotony of everyday life? These questions consume my thoughts, as if the song acts as a catalyst for a deeper existential crisis.

But let's refocus on the task at hand. "Am I Dreaming" showcases A$AP Rocky's lyrical prowess and distinctive flow, complemented by Roisee's unique vocal stylings. The chemistry between the artists is evident, creating a synergy that enhances the track's overall appeal.

The production, with its haunting melodies and pulsating basslines, creates an ethereal atmosphere that adds depth to the song. Metro Boomin's skill as a producer shines through, ensuring that the music serves as an engaging backdrop for the artists' performances.

However, as I try to regain my focus, I find myself pondering the passage of time and the weight of unfulfilled ambitions. It's as if the song resonates with a deeper part of my being, evoking emotions and thoughts that I've kept buried for far too long.

In this moment of introspection, I'm reminded of the fragility of life and the importance of seizing every opportunity. The song becomes a soundtrack to my own personal revelation, a reminder that time waits for no one and that the pursuit of dreams should never be abandoned.

Unfortunately, this introspective journey has overtaken my ability to conclude this review as intended. The lyrics, the melodies, the emotions they evoke—they all intertwine with my own internal struggles, rendering me incapable of providing a clear, concise conclusion.

In the end, perhaps this ramble serves as a reminder that music has the power to evoke profound introspection and reflection. "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky, and Roisee is a testament to the emotive impact that music can have, not just on our enjoyment but also on our very existence.

#21 - “Popular” - The Weeknd, Playboi Carti and Madonna

Produced by Metro Boomin

"Popular" is an intriguing collaboration that brings together the unique talents of The Weeknd, Playboi Carti, and Madonna. The track showcases their individual artistry and creates a captivating sonic experience.

Now, speaking of laptops, let me share an embarrassing personal story about the time I accidentally broke mine. It was a typical day of work, and I was engrossed in a flurry of tasks when, in a moment of unfortunate clumsiness, I knocked my trusty laptop off the desk. The sound of shattering glass echoed in the room, leaving me in a state of shock and dismay.

I tried my best to piece it back together, but alas, my efforts were in vain. The laptop, once a reliable companion in my daily endeavors, was reduced to a shattered mess. It was a moment of frustration and regret that I won't soon forget.

Now, let's refocus on "Popular" and its musical merits. The Weeknd's smooth vocals blend seamlessly with Playboi Carti's distinctive flow, while Madonna adds her iconic touch to the collaboration. The production, with its infectious beats and intricate layers, provides a solid foundation for the artists to shine.

Despite my laptop mishap, the song itself deserves attention for its catchy hooks and the charisma brought by each artist. The fusion of their styles creates an energetic and engaging atmosphere, inviting listeners to embrace the vibrant soundscape.

But as I attempt to steer the review back on track, my mind keeps circling back to that unfortunate incident with my broken laptop. It serves as a reminder of the unexpected turns life can take and the challenges we encounter along the way.

Ah, the frustration of lost files, shattered screens, and the inconvenience that follows. It's funny how a simple object can hold such significance in our daily lives. The laptop becomes not just a tool but a vessel for memories, work, and connection.

In conclusion, "Popular" showcases the collective talents of The Weeknd, Playboi Carti, and Madonna, with each artist bringing their unique contributions to the table. The song's catchy hooks and dynamic production make it a worthwhile addition to their respective discographies.

However, as much as I try to wrap up this review, my mind keeps wandering back to that unfortunate laptop incident. It's a reminder to handle things with care, both in the physical and metaphorical sense.

So, dear readers, take this review as a cautionary tale. Guard your laptops, protect your files, and be mindful of the unpredictable moments that life throws our way. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go ponder the mysteries of laptop karma once again.

#17 - “UK Rap” - Dave and Central Cee

Produced by AoD

Once upon a time, in a world of diverse musical tastes and preferences, I encountered a woman who had a peculiar obsession with UK rap. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for appreciating different genres and artists, but her unwavering devotion to only two particular artists within the UK rap scene left me utterly baffled.

This woman, whom I'll refer to as Emma, had developed an inexplicable attachment to Dave and Central Cee. Whenever the topic of UK rap arose, she would passionately express her love for these two artists while turning a deaf ear to any other suggestions or recommendations.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn't help but inquire about her steadfast loyalty to Dave and Central Cee. "Why limit yourself to just two artists?" I asked, genuinely perplexed. Emma's response was equally puzzling.

She explained that their music resonated deeply with her, as if their lyrics and beats were intricately woven into the fabric of her soul. She felt a profound connection to their storytelling and the authenticity of their experiences. According to her, no other UK rap artist could capture that same essence.

I probed further, questioning whether she had given other artists a fair chance. Emma shrugged off my inquiries, firmly stating that she didn't see the need to explore beyond Dave and Central Cee. Their music fulfilled her desires for lyrical depth and captivating delivery, and she saw no reason to venture into unfamiliar territory.

I couldn't help but feel a mix of amusement and frustration at Emma's narrow musical perspective. The vast landscape of UK rap, with its multitude of talented artists and unique styles, remained unexplored in her world. It was as if she had built a comfortable bubble around herself, limiting her exposure to the wealth of creativity that existed beyond her chosen favorites.

As our conversations continued, I attempted to introduce her to different UK rap artists, hoping to broaden her horizons. But her resistance was strong, and she remained steadfast in her unwavering devotion to Dave and Central Cee. It seemed as though no amount of persuasion could sway her musical preferences.

In the end, I had to accept that we all have our individual tastes and preferences when it comes to music. While I couldn't fully understand Emma's obsession with only two artists, I respected her right to choose what resonated with her.

And so, the story of Emma and her limited exploration of UK rap serves as a reminder that musical appreciation is a deeply personal journey. Some may choose to delve into the vast sea of artists and genres, while others find solace in a select few. Regardless of our choices, let us celebrate the diversity of musical expression and the power it holds to captivate our hearts and minds.

#14 - “Trojan Horse” - Dave and Central Cee

Produced by AoD

(Verse 1)

I step up in the place, they know I'm icy

Central Cee, I'm here to make it spicy

Got the flow that's smooth like a river

Doja got me feeling like a killer

(Chorus)

Doja, Doja, she got me in a trance

She got that fire, making me dance

Doja, Doja, she's my addiction

I'm hooked on her like it's a prescription

(Verse 2)

She's the baddest in the room, no competition

Doja got me yearning for her submission

Her style so unique, she's a rare find

When she walks in, she leaves them all behind

(Chorus)

Doja, Doja, she got me in a trance

She got that fire, making me dance

Doja, Doja, she's my addiction

I'm hooked on her like it's a prescription

(Bridge)

Doja, Doja, she's got that magic touch

Her presence alone is just too much

She's the queen, ruling the scene

In her world, I'm a willing devotee

(Chorus)

Doja, Doja, she got me in a trance

She got that fire, making me dance

Doja, Doja, she's my addiction

I'm hooked on her like it's a prescription

(Outro)

Doja, Doja, you're my inspiration

You've captured my heart, no hesitation

Central Cee and Doja, a perfect connection

Together we create a musical reflection

#1 - “Sprinter” - Dave and Central Cee

Produced by 169

Ah, the state of AI generation. It's a topic that has sparked both fascination and concern, as we witness the evolution and capabilities of artificial intelligence. While AI has undoubtedly brought about significant advancements and potential, there are aspects that leave me pondering the implications of its continued development.

One of the fundamental concerns is the issue of AI-generated content. We live in an era where algorithms and machine learning models can produce everything from music lyrics to entire news articles. And yes, it's impressive to witness the ability of AI to mimic human creativity, but it also raises questions about originality, authenticity, and the role of human creators.

Now, let me take a moment to digress and discuss something unrelated yet strangely connected – the rapper Yeat. Yes, Yeat. I must admit, Yeat's music irks me to no end. His incoherent lyrics and lackluster delivery often leave me scratching my head, wondering how such mediocrity manages to garner any attention. But I digress.

Returning to the matter at hand, AI generation poses a significant challenge to the creative industries. It blurs the line between what is genuinely crafted by human hands and what is a product of algorithms crunching data. While AI-generated content may provide efficiency and convenience, it also raises concerns about the future of human creativity and the value we place on genuine human expression.

Furthermore, the potential for AI to perpetuate biases and prejudices cannot be ignored. Machine learning models are trained on existing datasets, which means they inherit the biases and flaws present in the data. This can result in discriminatory outputs, reinforcing societal inequalities and biases that we strive to overcome. It's a reminder that, even in the realm of AI, human oversight and ethical considerations are crucial.

And here's another odd tangent – Yeat's fashion sense. Seriously, have you seen the outfits he wears? It's as if he purposefully tries to offend the eyes of anyone with a semblance of taste. But I digress again.

Returning to the topic, the potential ramifications of AI generation extend beyond creative industries. There are broader societal implications to consider. Automation driven by AI technology threatens job markets, raising concerns about unemployment and economic inequality. We must find a balance between embracing the efficiencies of AI and ensuring a sustainable future for workers and society as a whole.

Ultimately, the state of AI generation is a double-edged sword. It promises great advancements, but we must approach it with caution and consider the ethical, societal, and creative implications. We need to strike a balance between harnessing the potential of AI while preserving the irreplaceable value of human ingenuity and expression.

And as for Yeat, well, he will continue to perplex me with his questionable talent and fashion choices. But hey, to each their own, I suppose. Now, let's refocus our attention on the pressing matters at hand and explore the ever-evolving landscape of AI generation with both optimism and skepticism.

Conclusion

And that wraps up another week of chart reviews! It's been quite the journey, exploring the ups and downs of the UK Singles Chart. But before we bid farewell, it's time to reveal our Best of the Week, and this time, we have a tie! "Sprinter" and "Trojan Horse" by Dave and Central Cee have truly captivated us with their infectious energy and undeniable talent. These tracks showcase the dynamic synergy between these two artists, and we can't help but be swept away by their lyrical prowess and captivating beats.

But let's not forget our Honourable Mention, which goes to none other than "HEATED" by Beyoncé. This track has proven once again that Queen Bey knows how to deliver a powerful and soulful performance. From the mesmerizing vocals to the infectious rhythm, "HEATED" has left us wanting more, and we can't wait to see what Beyoncé has in store for us in the future.

Now, before we sign off, let's take a moment for an irreverent aside. Did you know that Joe Biden has a secret talent for breakdancing? Well, maybe not, but wouldn't that be something to see? Okay, back to the chart review.

As we look ahead to the next chart week, we can't help but be excited about the potential surprises and new entries that await us. Will there be another breakout hit? Will our favorite artists continue to dominate the charts? We'll just have to wait and find out.

Thank you, dear reader, for joining us on this chart review journey. Your support and enthusiasm mean the world to us. We'll be back next week with more exciting updates from the UK Singles Chart. Until then, keep grooving to the music and stay tuned for what's to come. See you next time!

[bystreetlight]

Apparently it's the 21st of December so I better do this!!

1. What did you do in 2023 that you hadn’t done before? Went to a therapist, went to a Grand Final at the MCG, participated in the inaguration of a Governor and the swearing-in of a Premier…

2. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year!

3. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no.

4. Did you travel? Where did you go? Best holiday memory? Went to Mildura twice (in March and December) and had THREE actual HOLIDAYS (to Brisbane in May, King Valley in September and Adelaide in October). Best holiday memory was the amazing vibes in Brisbane, a city I've always treated with disdain but turns out it's actually quite cool and I enjoyed it thoroughly?!?!? And seeing Chromeo in Adelaide.

5. Best thing you bought? Even though we "bought" it in 2022 we only got our new car in May and that was definitely the highlight of the year 🚗

6. Where did most of your money go? Savings? Mortgage repayments? When our hot water service died and we had to replace it? Far out when did I get so fucking old 😭

7. What do you wish you had done more of? I feel like I got the balance right in a lot of areas this year so I can't really think of anything!

8. What do you wish you had done less of? Stressing about rain and bad weather THANKS PTSD!!!!

9. What kept you sane? Having a job that I enjoy and an awesome team! I had to spend a lot of time back in the office this year and that made it a lot easier!!

10. What drove you mad? When Finland got robbed at Eurovision. When the Premier resigned during Grand Final week and I had to work my tits off instead of enjoying the week. When our car kept taking longer and longer to get delivered.

11. What made you celebrate? Seeing Collingwood win a Grand Final IN PERSON! The Matildas amazing run at the Women's World Cup!

12. What made you sad? Andre Braugher dying, the genocide in Gaza, the Yes referendum failing so fucking miserably, Rafa missing the entire year through injury.

13. How was your birthday this year and how old did you turn? It was a Wednesday so I worked from home and no one in my new team knew it was my birthday and I didn't say anything so it was very uneventful! Went and saw &Juliet that weekend which was fabulous! I turned 39.

14. What political issue stirred you the most this year? Probably the referendum. Best not to think about it.

15. What was the best meal you ate in 2023? The sandwiches from Sardinas are genuinely the best sandwiches I've ever eaten in my life.

16. What would you like to have in 2024 that you didn’t have this year? I would love to leave the country but if that's the only thing I can think of it seems very self-indulgent, especially in this economy!!!

17. What date(s) from 2023 will be etched in your memory and why? 5-8 May - went to Brisbane for MAGIC ROUND and it was truly a life-changing experience.

18. What song will remind you of 2023? Dance the Night - Dua Lipa.

19. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I think so! My resolution was to look after myself after forming some bad habits during the Lockdown Years™. I got back into pilates and have been pretty good with exercising and eating well and keeping on top of all my boring health responsibilities! I also wanted to do an insta post each month and to read more books and I achieved both of those! Next year I think I'm going to make a fun resolution. I want to take more photos or do something creative on the regular.

20. Did you suffer illness or injury? I developed eustachian tube dysfunction after an ear infection, which has not gone away and FUCKING SUCKS. Otherwise I think I've kept pretty well this year. And I've managed to avoid getting c*vid again which is a miracle.

21. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? A bit happier, mainly because this time last year we had no car and we'd just been robbed hahahaha. ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner, although as every year that I fill this thing in goes by I feel like it's less about being thin and more about just being fit and healthy! iii. richer or poorer? Richer? Marginally?

22. How will you be spending Christmas? I have 10 days off over Christmas/New Year, which I was "strongly recommended" to take as I have "excess leave" lol. Christmas Day at the in-laws as per usual, then maybe a day at the cricket, maybe a beach trip or two, and hopefully some sleeping past 7am?!?!

23. What was your favourite movie? PAST LIVES. My god. As someone who often drifts off into nostalgia and 'what-ifs' and thinking about people I cared about in my younger years this movie floored me.

24. What was your favourite TV program? The final season of Succession DESTROYED me. I still think about it on an almost daily basis which is probably unhealthy 😂. Also loved The Last of Us, S2 of The Bear, the final season of Reservation Dogs, The Newsreader, Alone Australia, Beef until everyone in it got cancelled…and I just started Yellowjackets (late to the party) and I'm obsessed with it!!

25. What was the best book you read? Crossing the Line by Nick McKenzie. And I'm about halfway through Still Life by Sarah Winman which I am LOVING.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I feel like I flogged some old favourites this year (hello Chromeo as my top artist on Spotify Wrapped hahaha), rather than getting into anyone new...

27. What did you want and get? A holiday! THANK CHRIST! And for my period to stop after having a Mirena put in late last year 🥳🥳🥳

28. What did you want and not get? To recover properly from a traumatic experience that has left me sometimes crippled with anxiety. I suppose there's always next year hahahahah.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023? I genuinely tried not to spend too much on clothes this year but I had to step up my work outfit game for my new job which was sort of annoying? I don't really know what my 'concept' was though…trying not to get sucked in to 90s trends that I lived through the first time that didn't warrant a second go?

30. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Pedro Pascal and Bad Bunny together on SNL, Arian Moayed until he came out as an Isr*el apologist, several NRL footballers that I'm not inclined to admit to publicly…

31. Biggest achievement this year? Not killing myself when we had to wait 7 months for our car and had to walk and get the bus everywhere and it truly sucked my will to live.

32. Biggest disappointment this year? When our amazing lawnmowing man closed his business and we had to try and find a new person and it's been a fucking nightmare!!!!

33. What is the one thing that would have made you more satisfied? If Tim and Dale had got together on The Newsreader. I'm going to say that every year until I'm dead.

34. Best new person you met this year? The kookaburras that live in the park next to work don't really count but I'm putting them anyway. And Boyd Cordner.

35. A valuable life lesson you learnt this year? They say a change is as good as a holiday but actually a holiday is the only thing as good as a holiday.

[aijamisespava]

Favorite Song From Each Country! Part 16/37: France!

Wow! We're almost at the halfway point of this current series and that's amazing! And to top it off, we have France! Many people have noted that the French Eurovision songs most often stay true to their culture, getting varying results each year. They've rarely sent a song NOT in their main language, which similar to Portugal, maintains some sense of cultural charm!

Favorite Entry: Over time, my favorite French entry changed a little bit. There have been entries that have stuck with me and some that didn't as much. But the one I ended up choosing was Amandine Bourgeois' "L'enfer et moi" from 2013. It's such a smooth song with fun rock-esque elements. It also has an amazing build toward the end of the song that makes an impact when it stops. That's a difficult thing to do in songs in general (because you don't want to be predictable, but you don't want the ending to be jarring), and it's done so well in my opinion! RANK: 23rd in 2013 Grand Final/PERSONAL RANK: 4th of 39 Countries

Thoughts on 2023 Entry: Can I just say DAAAAAAAAMN! La Zarra brought such a great song with "Évidemment!" To start, I was bummed out last year when France sent a risky entry that didn't pay off with a good result. But they still sent a fun song despite that. It pops with fun disco elements while still feeling modern at the same time. I felt it was decently robbed at the Grand Final, but was super grateful to have found this song through the year (just like others you've seen me talk about and will talk about later). RANK: 16th in 2023 Grand Final/PERSONAL RANK: 13th of 37 Countries

[maciedeclines]

My Personal Chart Review (31/5/23)

bias again slay

Well, this was an incredibly busy week. For our top 5, Remember continues its top 10 run up to #5, with Like I Used To slipping from #1 to #4, Side Effects drops 1 to #3 but still gains in performances, with I Go Dancing returning to the runner up spot and Jazzy claiming her 2nd #1 (1st solo) with Giving Me.

For our losers and dropouts, we had quite a few in the latter category. Off the return last week, Blow Your Mind (Mwah) by Dua Lipa is gone from #10, Wish You The Best by Lewis Capaldi loses all of its momentum from #37, Chasing Pavements by Adele couldn’t stick for another week as it exits from #52, while Vibration (One More Time) fades naturally from #53. Meanwhile, I Wrote A Song by Mae Muller and Unicorn by Noa Kirel are out from #60 and #62 respectively as their Eurovision boosts wear off and Princess Diana by Ice Spice & Nicki Minaj underperforms as it leaves from #65. Now for album falloffs, with Lewis Capaldi also losing Forget Me off the return from #67. As for piri & tommy, they lost on & on from #56, beachin’ from #63, player 2 from #64, settle from #68, say it from #70 and can we from #73. Furthermore, we also lost Curtains by Ed Sheeran from #61, River by Miley Cyrus from #71, Set Me Free by D.O.D from #72 and Oscar Winning Tears. by RAYE from #74 which quite comfortably clinched its year-end list spot. As for our losers, Finally by Jonas Blue & RANI slips down to #22, Cupid - Twin Version by FIFTY FIFTY, Miracle by Calvin Harris & Ellie Goulding and Like Crazy by Jimin all take big hits to #32, #33 and #36 respectively, with Can’t Tame Her and No Sleep down to #38 and #39. This week was a pretty bad week for both RAYE & Mahalia with Five Star Hotels. down to #42, Worth It. at #43, Terms and Conditions at #44 and Flip A Switch. completely collapsing down to #48. Meanwhile, ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine is back down to #51, 21 Reasons and Better Love fall to #57 and #58 respectively, Kill Bill by SZA continues its big losses down to #65, 10:35 by Tiësto & Tate McRae also collapses to #68 with Whistle by Jax Jones & Calum Scott making its way out at #69 and our final loss comes from piri & tommy, as words falls off the album boost to #70. What a list.

As for our gains and returns, well given the huge list of losers & dropouts there were quite a few. All By Myself by Alok, Sigala & Ellie Goulding is back in at #75, Oh No You Didn’t by Hix & Kelli-Leigh returns at #73, Snow On The Beach by Taylor Swift & Lana Del Rey is back in at #60 due to the release of the new version with a full Lana verse, Calm Down by Rema & Selena Gomez surprisingly has a very good week as it’s back in at #55, Stay The Night by Sigala & Talia Mar surges back to #50, Be The One by Dua Lipa returns at #35 (more on the reason why later) and finally False Alarm by Matoma & Becky Hill is back again at #30. As for our gains, Substitution by Purple Disco Machine & Kungs soars off the debut to #52, Pretty Boys by Caity Baser continues its resurgence to #26, I Found You by Sub Focus & Hayla rebounds to #25, Fly Girl by FLO & Missy Elliott continues up to #18, Because Of You by Gustaph surges into the top 10 at #10, Karma by Taylor Swift jumps up to #8 thanks to the Ice Spice remix and finally Hell N Back by Bakar continues its gains at #7.

Now that’s over with, let’s start off with our debuts

#74 That Part by Lauren Spencer Smith

Now I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m a huge fan of Lauren Spencer Smith, and so far I’m really liking the singles being pushed with this being no different. In this single, Lauren takes a step away from her breakup singles and actually sings about a happy relationship, and wow it definitely works. I expect this to rise in the coming weeks, and this isn’t the last we’re hearing of her today.

#72 live more & love more by Cat Burns

Cat Burns is back once again with another single. This one had been bubbling under for a few weeks before making the top 100, and it has now eventually found its way here. And yeah, I really like this one. I love Cat’s voice and I’m a huge fan of pretty much all her singles with this again being no different. Solid stuff.

#71 Eyes Closed by Ed Sheeran

Earlier this month, Ed Sheeran released his 6th studio album “-“, which unfortunately is one of his worst performing albums ever. It’s a damn shame because all the singles from this album so far are bloody great, including this. It was decent at first but I’ve found it to have really been growing on me the past few weeks and now it’s made it here. And my god this is so much better than any of the singles on “=“. Ed’s voice really suits the more acoustic sound “-“ was going for, and I really like the way Ed went with this. Never did I think I’d be this positive about a lead single from one of his albums but this is bloody good.

#64 Best Friend Breakup by Lauren Spencer Smith

This is definitely my most favourite track from the album rollout so far, although I’m really shocked it’s only just debuting now. In this song, Lauren sings about her ex best friend, saying how everybody thought they were sisters and how she didn’t expect this “best friend breakup” to hurt this much. And god damn she does it incredibly well. This will definitely see a decent climb next week.

#59 Escape by Kx5, deadmau5, Kaskade & Hayla

So this is a song that charted on the US EDM chart between last year and this year which I only recently checked out, and yeah I’ve been missing out. The production is really damn good with Hayla’s incredible vocals really making the song feel alive and I’m just mad I didn’t check it out sooner.

#56 Padam Padam by Kylie Minogue

I really didn’t expect this to be the route Kylie would go down. But she did not disappoint. Like with Head & Heart the chorus is about the noises of the heart, so I was pretty much guaranteed to like this. The production is really good with Kylie’s vocals still aging beautifully as she shows she’s still got it. I’m glad this is becoming a hit in the UK after A Second To Midnight missed completely along with Magic missing the top 40.

#49 MADELINE by INJI

So this is a recommendation from one of my friends Noah ajc, who actually charted 2 songs himself this week (more on that later, but he definitely had a good week didnt he 😅). And yeah, this is really good. It absolutely reminds me of something Charli XCX would do and I really like it. The production is basic but very fun with the vocalists sounding like Charli herself at certain points. If you haven’t already and you’re a fan of Charli XCX, check this out.

#34 Dance The Night (from Barbie: The Movie Soundtrack) by Dua Lipa

We have the welcome return of Dua Lipa, however this time with a single from the new Barbie movie she’s starring in, which is out in July. And this is so Future Nostalgia (positive). Her vocals never disappoint with Mark Robson’s production definitely taking it back to FN. Overall this is an absolute bop and if you liked Future Nostalgia, you’re bound to love this.

#29 tenner by Noah ajc & Esotie

So, here’s the first of two tracks from Noah this week. Now originally I was actually going to make a remix of this but unfortunately I wasn’t able to get it to work, but this song is unironically good anyways. I’m not even sure how to describe it, but it’s hilarious and a bop at the same time. Esotie’s verse is a highlight, but Noah’s heavily autotuned vocals really stand out and all in all it’s genuinely unironically good. Check it out.

#19 i hate me more by Noah ajc

Now the reason this charted is due to a remix with one of my good friends, Filey Frog. I haven’t actually listened to the original yet but the remix is incredibly infectious, with really damn good production and Noah’s vocals actually really suit it a lot. I expect this to stick around for quite a bit, this is some good stuff.

#16 Hits Different by Taylor Swift

And finally we have the last debut. This was originally a CD exclusive track that was released onto streaming upon the release of the Til Dawn Edition of Midnights, and this is absolutely awesome. In fact, I’d say it’s my favourite from the Midnights era and one of my favourite Taylor songs in general. As soon as I heard it I fell in love, and it’s a big fan favourite which I can absolutely see why and agree with. As the title says, it really does Hit Different. 🥁

So, Hits Different by Taylor Swift gets this week’s Best of the Week, with the Honourable Mention being a tie between Best Friend Breakup by Lauren Spencer Smith & i hate me more by Noah ajc. Next week, expect a couple of pretty big gains.

[korrektheiten]

Sieg beim Eurovision Song Contest für Schweden – Deutschland letzter Platz mit Transshow

Tichy:»Loreen, die den Musikwettbewerb vor elf Jahren in der aserbaidschanischen Hauptstadt Baku mit dem Song “Euphoria” gewonnen hatte, war von den Buchmachern schon früh als Top-Favoritin gehandelt worden – und das noch bevor sie den schwedischen ESC-Vorentscheid im März überhaupt für sich entschieden hatte. Loreen ist 39 Jahre alt und stammt aus Stockholm. Mit “Euphoria” Der Beitrag Sieg beim Eurovision Song Contest für Schweden – Deutschland letzter Platz mit Transshow erschien zuerst auf Tichys Einblick. http://dlvr.it/Sp1LJQ «

[crystal-methionine]

The Post-Eurovision ranking and comments from an American that nobody asked for:

1. Switzerland 🇨🇭 Gjon’s Tears - Tout l’univers: I absolutely was enamored by this song, its artistry, and the artist. He can really sing and one of my early favorites from this year. So happy for him to get in the top 3 bc it was well deserved. 100/10

2. Italy 🇮🇹 Måneskin - Zitti e Buoni: Deserved winners. As queer as you can get and I am here for it. Another early favorite of mine constantly fighting with Switzerland for the top spot. 100/10

3. Iceland 🇮🇸 Dadi og Gagnamagnid - 10 Years: A beautiful song dedicated to his wife and deserved Top 5 for sure. Last year’s song would have won hands down so I’m bummed he couldn’t win the first one for Iceland but brilliant song and I hope the group stays together to produce more music. 99/10

4. Bulgaria 🇧🇬 Victoria - Growing Up Is Getting Old: Eurovision fandom will forever say Imaginary Friend or Ugly Cry was the better song to send, but I don’t think they would have won the contest either. This year was strong, and I personally think Growing Up was a perfect choice from Victoria. It deserved top 10 so I was pissed that it came 11th on the night and received so few televotes. 97/10

5. Ukraine 🇺🇦 Go_A - SHUM: To all y’all who said this wouldn’t qualify when the new version came out, eat those words hun. This was a masterpiece, and the live performances just elevated it further. Honestly, Kateryna could step on me, and I would let her. Who doesn’t love an ethnic modern fusion rave? 95/10

6. Serbia 🇷🇸 Hurricane - Loco Loco: I honestly have to say when it came out, it was never breaking my top 20, but here we are. This group of gals is amazing. The choreo, hairography, and the still great vocals won my gay ass over. They served and deserved top 10 in my eye. 90/10

7. Greece 🇬🇷 Stefania - Last Dance: Much like Serbia, I kinda dismissed this as a top 10 song at first, but after many listens and then the live shows, it was one of the best songs this year. Last year’s song was nowhere near a qualifier for me, and then I thought they had a good chance of being top 5 this year. Amazing improvement and can’t wait to see what comes next from Stefania. 80/10

8. Malta 🇲🇹 Destiny - Je me casse: Not going to lie, the studio definitely did more for me. It was up with Italy and Switzerland for winner contention until the live shows. Don’t get me wrong, Destiny is still amazing live, and the song is a deserved top 5 song. However, the costume and staging just really didn’t add to the song and I think detracted a bit. Her song last year was also much better in my opinion. 75/10

9. San Marino 🇸🇲 Senhit ft Flo Rida - Adrenalina: Oh boy this was a party, and the fact Flo Rida actually was there made it even better. The staging and costuming was absolutely camp, and I was here for it. This was definitely not underrated by fans beforehand, but the jury and televote were beyond robberies in my opinion. Granted I know the backing vocals were carrying the chorus a lot so in terms of vocals, I can see where this song got dinged, but this should have been San Marino’s best ever result at Eurovision, and it wasn’t so I’m mad. 60/10

10. France 🇫🇷 Barbara Pravi - Voila: The new Edith Piaf and probably one of the most representative of the country’s culture for a song. A definite deserved runner up on the night but for me 10th place. I loved the staging, the costume, the emotions. It was all right for Eurovision and me. 50/10

11. Cyprus 🇨🇾 Elena Tsingarou - El Diablo: Come through Cyprus with another female pop banger. I’d say if the formula ain’t broke don’t fix it, but wasn’t really enough to crack top 10 this year. Another early favorite of mine this year but soon got eclipsed. Still going to be listening to El Diablo for a while. 49/10

12. Russia 🇷🇺 Manizha - Russian Woman: I can’t lie that at first, this song was absolutely trash to me but quickly rose the ranks and became one of my faves. Same thing happened last year with Uno. We also always love a good female empowerment moment with the native language thrown in. Manizha is a girlboss without the gaslighting and a true queen. Deserved top 10 the night of. 40/10

13. Lithuania 🇱🇹 The Roop - Discoteque: An earworm for first listen and was top 10 for a while for me but like Cyprus, lost out to some others. No doubt this is a deserved top 10 the night of. 35/10

14. Croatia 🇭🇷 Albina - Tick Tock: The first song to get me pressed on it’s placement. Deserved to be in the final over both Israel and Norway (please come for me I don’t care). They freakin rocked that stage during the semis and the song is absolutely a bop. Albina deserved better. 30/10

15. Sweden 🇸🇪 Tusse - Voices: A beautiful song by an amazing artist. Sure the lyrics were a bit cliche Eurovision but guess what...it’s Eurovision. I can hear the voices. Keep carrying on Tusse. 25/10

16. Albania 🇦🇱 Anxehla Peristeri - Karma: This song grew on me a lot. I liked it but wasn’t a don’t skip for a while on my playlist. The live performance changed it for me. She slayed and the staging was everything for Miss Thing. Also native language brownie points. 24/10

17. Finland 🇫🇮 Blind Channel - Darkside: Before you come for me for having this at 17th, keep reading. I’m not a big fan of the lyrics but the song is absolutely fantastic. This style of music isn’t something I pull out on a playlist often, but I had my middle fingers up for this one (and pointed at Germany but we’ll discuss later). Deserved top 10 as they rocked it on stage. 20/10

18. The Netherlands 🇳🇱 Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age: I absolutely do not understand the hate for this song. I was also a huge fan of Grow last year so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised for being generally alone again. The fact it got 0 points in the televote and only 11 in the jury is not surprising but extremely disappointing to me. This song is a masterpiece much like the ones ranked above it. Jeangu, you are amazing and deserved so much better than this. 20/10

19. Belgium 🇧🇪 Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place: Fantastic song but fantastic artists. Always here for a dark pop moment. Gonna go get my own Johnny Cash T-shirt. 15/10

20. Spain 🇪🇸 Blas Cantó - Voy a Quedarme: Such a heartfelt ballad. I enjoyed it quite a bit and don’t understand the hate it has. Didn’t deserve 0 points in the televote. 14/10

21. Denmark 🇩🇰 Fyr og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden: Look we all know this song is cheesy but it’s the cheesiest Velveeta queso loco so it’s ranked so high in my opinion. This is a nod to the whacky and weird Eurovision I love. It’s always in my head and I always find myself dancing along. Deserved to be in the final over two of the songs in Semi 2. 13/10

22. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 Efendi - Mata Hari: As far as the song goes, it’s enjoyable, but the stage show was a hot mess in my opinion. The choreo looked a mess and the different sheer legging configurations on the backup dancers was not the correct fashion choice in my opinion as I was distracted by the thought of why are they all different. Did deserve their spot in the final though. 12/10

23. Moldova 🇲🇩 Natalia Gordienko - Sugar: The studio version of this song is a heavily replayed one on my playlist bc of the drop and dance-ability of the song. However the downfall of the song was it’s live performance. The staging was fine and the choreo was great but those attempted sexy whisper vocals were not the choice to go with. I don’t want to sugar-coat this 😝 so they were terrible. Glad she made it but I felt her position in the final was one of just pure luck. 11/10

24. UK 🇬🇧 James Newman - Embers: The nul points was a huge ass oof. This song isn’t bad but I can see where people didn’t vote for it bc it’s not super memorable in terms of who all was participating this year. I like the song and always sing and dance along. 10/10

25. Israel 🇮🇱 Eden Alene - Set Me Free: This is how to do a revamp and be successful. Eden is a fantastic artist who can clearly sing, but the live performance was not all that sans the whistle tones. Yet the whistle tones aside, the song is lacking a lot. When looking back at the songs available, this one should not have been the selected one. I was always on the fence with this one and still am. 9.5/10

26. Czechia 🇨🇿 Benny Cristo - Omaga: The live definitely hurt this song in the first minute and a half. The second half was absolutely what should have happened in terms of vocals. Still like the song and listen to it often. 9.25/10

27. Ireland 🇮🇪 Leslie Roy - Maps: This song was a victim of a super strong bloodbath and shoddy staging ideas. The song is arresting and a bop. Leslie’s gruff voice mixed with the modernized Irish sounds is a match made. The staging of this song that required Leslie to run along with the beat and the distracting and constantly changing bits of the performance we’re definitely it’s downfall. It didn’t deserve last place in Semi 1 though. 9.25/10

28. Portugal 🇵🇹 The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side: I am the first to admit that while I don’t like the song, it deserved the final. The staging and atmosphere elevated the song. 9/10

29. Austria 🇦🇹 Vincent Bueno - Amen: In the battle of the Amens, this one wins solely based on the classy and amazing staging. Don’t get me wrong, Slovenia’s was also elevating but this one did it better. 8.5/10

30. Australia 🇦🇺 Montaigne - Technicolor: This song is a fantastic one for studio. The live since the Sydney Mardi Gras performance has been rough and didn’t necessarily improve. I feel bad bc I do really love this song but it definitely didn’t deserve to qualify. This being said, I love Montaigne, and Don’t Break Me was my runner up last year, and I still listen to it as my anthem when I’m feeling down. I wish I could rank this higher but I can’t. 8.5/10

31. Romania 🇷🇴 Roxen - Amnesia: This song is great in the studio but it got old real fast for me and I don’t know why. This mixed with the poor vocals and the bizarre costume:stage combo was really what did this in and got this low in my ranking. 8.25/10

32. Slovenia 🇸🇮 Ana Soklic - Amen: The loser of the Amen battle, but just barely. The song and vocals are better in my opinion but the whole package was just barely edged out in the end. 8/10

33. Latvia 🇱🇻 Samanta Tīna - Moon Is Rising: Look, this song is nowhere near as good as last years. The queeeeeen sashayed away with that annoying trap beat. 8/10

34. North Macedonia 🇲🇰 Vasil - Here I Stand: Leave it to the gays for bringing musical theatre to Eurovision. The song honestly isn’t that special or memorable but he’s higher up bc his stage and voice are amazing. 7/10

35. Norway 🇳🇴 Tix - Fallen Angel: A great message on mental health outside of the song and Tix seems like a quality fella but I do not like the song. I preferred it in Norwegian. And this low ranking is not at all influenced over him beating out Keiino (but maybe a slight bit tho). 5/10

36. Estonia 🇪🇪 Uku Suviste - The Lucky One: While this was 1000% better than last years entry, it still was relatively boring. The stage was equally as boring so sorry Estonia, but you didn’t make the mark. 4.5/10

37. Poland 🇵🇱 Rafael - The Ride: This throwback to the 80s was a bad one. The attempt at a one hit wonder vibe really hurt it along with the artist’s terrible vocals. Also half the time, he was behind the pyro and relying on backup vocals. 4/10

38. Georgia 🇬🇪 Tornike Kipiani - You: You really should not have to wait so long for the more upbeat rock ending of this. If it was that last 30 seconds for 3 minutes, it would be much better. A definite step back from last year. 1/10

39. Germany 🇩🇪 Jendrick - I Don’t Feel Hate: Jendrick might not feel hate but I do bc that is all I feel when this song comes on. 0.5/10

[pitchdarkparadise-777]

My Top 39 Eurovision Performances 2021

39) Georgia: Tornike Kipiani - You

38) Austria: Vincent Bueno - Amen

37) North Macedonia: Vasil - Here I Stand

36) Czech Republic: Benny Cristo - Omaga

35) Estonia: Uku Suviste - The lucky one

34) Moldova: Natalia Gordienko - Sugar

33) Albania: Anxhela Peristeri - Karma

32) Slovenia: Ana Soklič - Amen

31) Spain: Blas Cantó - Voy a quedarme

30) Denmark: Fyr og Flamme - Øve os på hinanden

29) Bulgaria: VICTORIA - Growing up is getting old

28) Greece: Stefania - Last dance

27) Cyprus: Elena Tsagrinou - El diablo

26) UK: James Newman - Embers

25) Israel: Eden Alene - Set me free

24) Latvia: Samanta Tina - The moon is rising

23) Poland: Rafał - The ride

22) Sweden: Tusse - Voices

21) Romania: Roxen - Amnesia

20) Croatia: Albina - Tick-Tock

19) Australia: Montaigne - Technicolour

18) Malta: Destiny - Je me casse

17) Ireland: Lesley Roy - Maps

16) The Netherlands: Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a new age

15) Azerbaijan: Efendi - Mata hari

14) Belgium: Hooverphonic - The wrong place

13) San Marino: Senhit - Adrenalina

12) Germany: Jendrik - I dont feel hate

11) Portugal: The Black Mamba - Love is on my side

10) Serbia: Hurricane - Loco loco

9) France: Barbara Pravi - Voilà

8) Lithuania: The Roop - Discoteque

7) Norway: Tix - Fallen angel

6) Switzerland: Gjon's Tears - Tout l'univers

5) Russia: Manizha - Russian woman

4) Iceland: Dadi og Gagnamagnid

3) Italy: Måneskin - Zitti e buoni

2) Finland: Blind Channel - Dark side

1) Ukraine: Go_a - Shum

[arsenalmakesmesuffer]

EUROVISION 2021 MY TOP 39 05.24

I am a little late to the party but just wanted to share as a tradition to have it here on my blog. 

1.      Måneskin – Zitti e buoni – Italy (-)

2.      Gjon’s Tears - Tout l‘univers – Switzerland (-)

3.      Dadi Freyr & Gagnamagnid – 10 years – Iceland (+12)

4.      Barbara Palvi – Voilà – France (+25)

5.      Samira Efendi – Mata Hari – Azerbaijan (+4)

6.      TIX – Fallen Angel – Norway (+12)

7.      The Roop – Discoteque – Lithuania (-2)

8.      Destiny - Je Me Casse – Malta (+16)

9.      Go_A – Shum – Ukraine (+29)

10.  Elena Tsagrinou – El Diablo – Cyprus (-6)

11.  Blind Chanel – Dark Side – Finland (-)

12.  Fyr & Flamme - Øve os på hinanden – Denmark (+2)

13.  Stefania – Last Dance – Greece (-10)

14.  Tusse – Voices – Sweden (-6)

15.  Hurricane – Loco loco – Serbia (+13)

16.  Manizha – Russian Women – Russia (+10)

17.  Benny Cristo – Omaga – Czech Republic (-10)

18.  Eden Alene – Set me free – Israel (+20)

19.  VICTORIA – Growing up is getting older – Bulgaria (+2)

20.  ROXEN – Amnesia – Romania (-10)

21.  Jeangu Macrooy - Birth Of A New Age – The Netherlands (+6)

22.  Montaigne – Technicolor – Australia (-10)

23.  Uku Suviste – The Lucky One – Estonia (-4)

24.  Hooverphonic – The Wrong Place – Belgium (-18)

25.  Albina – Tick-Tock – Croatia (-12)

26.  Vincent Bueno - Amen – Austria (-9)

27.  Anxhela Peristeri – Karma – Albania (-2)

28.  Blas Cantó - Voy A Quedarme – Spain (-12)

29.  James Newman – Embers – UK (-6)

30.  Lesley Roy – Maps – Ireland (-8)

31.  Senhit – Adrenalina – San Marino (-1)

32.  Ana Soklič – Amen – Slovenia (-1)

33.  Vasil – Here I am – North Macedonia(-1)

34.  The Black Mamba – Love is on my side – Portugal (+1)

35.  Tornike Kipiani – You – Georgia (+1)

36.  Samanta Tina – Moon is Rising – Latvia (-3)

37.  RAFAŁ – The Ride – Poland (-3)

38.  Natalia Gordienko – Sugar – Moldova (-1)

39.  Jendrik Sigwart – I don‘t feel hate – Germany (-)

[ebvllogique]

My 2021 Eurovision top 39 (before the show)

I know, I'm a mess and you're totally allowed to roast this ranking.

1 Norway TIX Fallen Angel

2 San Marino Senhit Adrenalina

3 Malta Destiny Je me casse

4 Denmark Fyr & Flamme Øve os på hinanden

5 Finland Blind Channel Dark Side

6 Austria Vincent Bueno Amen

7 Lithuania The Roop Discoteque

8 Ukraine Go_A Shum

9 Greece Stefania Last Dance

10 Australia Montaigne Technicolour

11 Switzerland Gjon's Tears Tout l'Univers

12 France Barbara Pravi Voilà

13 Slovenia Ana Soklič Amen

14 Belgium Hooverphonic The Wrong Place

15 Russia Manizha Russian Woman

16 Germany Jendrik I Don't Feel Hate

17 Italy Måneskin Zitti e buoni

18 Sweden Tusse Voices

19 Romania Roxen Amnesia

20 Latvia Samanta Tīna The Moon is Rising

21 United Kingdom James Newman Embers

22 Spain Blas Cantó Voy a quedarme

23 Cyprus Elena Tsagrinou El Diablo

24 Albania Anxhela Peristeri Karma

25 Portugal The Black Mamba Love Is on My Side

26 Poland RAFAŁ The Ride

27 Iceland Daði og Gagnamagnið 10 Years

28 Serbia Hurricane Loco Loco

29 Moldova Natalia Gordienko Sugar

30 Netherlands Jeangu Macrooy Birth Of A New Age

31 Czech Republic Benny Cristo Omaga

32 Croatia Albina Tick-Tock

33 Azerbaijan Efendi Mata Hari

34 Estonia Uku Suviste The Lucky One

35 Bulgaria Victoria Growing Up Is Getting Old

36 Israel Eden Alene Set Me Free

37 Ireland Lesley Roy Maps

38 North Macedonia Vasil Here I Stand

39Georgia Tornike Kipiani You

[eurovision-revisited]

Eurovision 2003 - Number 35 - Slobodan River - "What a Day"

Welcome to one Estonia's enduring Eurovision legends. Slobodan River is a certain Stig Rästa's first band. He's there, looking very young indeed. Together with another Eesti Laul Eurovision name, Tomi Rahula, producer of the entire competition from 2019 to 2023. Singing is Ithaka Maria aka Maria Rahula completing the band line-up.

For all of them, this is their first time preforming at Eurolaul, but Tomi and Maria have already had two songs competing as song-writers, and one of those songs was a certain Mere Lapsed sung by Koit Toome at Eurovision giving Estonia a 12th place finish in 1998

What a Day is a Baltic indie-pop banger plagued by so much dry ice you can barely make out the backing singers or the band through the mist. Lyrically, well, it's not so subtle. This appears to be a song about alfresco canoodling and woman who seduces the mind out of the subject of the song with her beach-based sexuality. It's... ...direct and to the point.

There are a lot of long-held notes in the chorus along with a heavy rhythmic pulse and a repeating, very standard four-bar chord progression. It's a song that has to move as fast a heart can pound while Maria cries over the top of it. Maria, her red hair and white outfit is not so much the focal point of the performance, as pretty much the only thing we get to see. She seems very pleased at the end of the song.

Maybe the lyrical content or the unrelenting central progression at the song's heart were what led to it only finishing joint 7th of the 10 songs competing at Eurolaul. Obviously this was not the end of the story for any of the band. All of them were back in 2004 as Slobodan River again, thereafter they entered again as individuals, members of new bands and even more often as song-writers. Stig made it to Eurovision stage in 2015, Tomi ran Eesti Laul through some of its more successful years and Maria went on to become Miss Estonia in 2018 at the age of 39 and as a mother of 3.

Before the split up in 2006, they did release one album, 2004's Surrounded featuring many of their best known songs including this one.

[homohtunut]

How I, a person with zero experience but endless opinions would stage Eurovision 2021 pt 4/9

So here we go, time to finish semifinal 1

Romania

So I really really REALLY want them to keep concept of the music video, I HATE the color grey but it works very well for the dancers and the parts where the dancers are trying to "drown" Roxen looks so beautiful, all in all the choreography looks amazing

As I said, the clothes of the dancers, very good, I'd have Roxen either wearing something dramatic black clothes like in the video OR very torn-down dress to signify the theme of the song

I usually would try to avoid blue when it comes to Eurovision staging because there's always a chance your act will be more easily forgetable since so many people use it but this is one of the acts that could actually work with it, I wouldn't even try to add another color to keep the theme of the song

I also think that it would be very beautiful and meaningful to add either one or 20 mirrors on the stage, and it would also look very cool

Azerbaijan

So obviously because this is a dance song there has to be dancers, the choreography they have in the video is quite good, especially the part near the end where the dancers are dancing around Efendi, the only problem is, that for a professional video like this, the dancers seem to be out of sync with each other so either they have to ditch them or train hard to get to the Eurovision level

The opening shot with that orange/yellowish round light behind Efendi is very beautiful and I hope they keep that one, I also hope they keep the color scheme in the live performance because it fits well for the song, the video is very dark so I hope they use more light in the video so it's more enjoyable to watch

The outfits they have in the video are very pretty but I'm afraid black is not going to stand out well enough so I would add maybe some golden accessories here and there

When it comes to the outro of the song I think the video is very terrible from there on, I'd maybe so some very good dance breakdown there

All in all the video is already taking the song to a very good direction and I hope they keep that same direction in live

Ukraine

This is HARD because there's so many directions this could go in but I think a techno-rave kind of thing could work well with this one

On stage I wouldn't take anyone else than the band, I would locate the band very close to each other and leave the rest of the stage dark, maybe put them on some kind of a platform even

Light-wise I wouldn't mind some darkness, but I want a lot of lasers, and very colorful ones, usually I'm all about the colors matching well and not using too much but this song can use whatever lights they want as long as there are a lot of them and a lot of lasers used

As much as I, and many other eurovision fans, would like to forget Electro Velvet, one (and only one) thing they did fine was the glow in the dark -clothes and I would use the same type of effect here, all-black clothes but with those thin lines of lights in the clothes would be very cool

Malta

Again taking some inspo from the music video, the hand movements better stay because for once I would like an easy but memorable eurovision dance moves that normal human beings can dance along to (it's been over ten years and I still don't know how to do what Verka does, maybe I just suck at dancing)

For lights, red, definitely, this needs another color too ans for that I'd use either yellow or purple, this one needs dancers so I'd like a very well-lit stage

I love the clothes the two dancers are wearing in the video (corsets and stripes) and would put those on dancers, Destiny's clothes on the other hand are a total mystery because they'd have to be different compared to the dancers but would have to pop up enough so that hers doesn't get outshined by theirs, maybe something in gold?

I am terrible at identifying instruments so I have no idea what is doing the instrumental drop after the chorus but I would like that on stage, I want, or more like NEED epic brass-players in my Eurovision this year so Malta or UK better deliver that to me

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 10/06/2023 (Dave & Central Cee, The Weeknd/Madonna/Playboi Carti, Metro Boomin’s ‘Spider-Verse’ OST)

Content warning: Incest?

It’s Dave’s third, and Central Cee’s first: their massive collaboration “Sprinter” debuts at #1 on top of the UK Singles Chart, and with a four-song EP, the two have definitely shaken things up, so welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

We have a bit of a hectic week to cover this episode, so it’s of no surprise that we ended up with tons of notable dropouts, those being songs that exit the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week’s hefty list includes Eurovision hits like “Queen of Kings” by Alessandra, “Cha Cha Cha” by Kaarija and… Ed Sheeran hits like “Life Goes On” and “Curtains”. Otherwise, we say farewell to “Tony Soprano 2” by Nines, “Princess Diana” by Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj, “Snow on the Beach” by Taylor Swift featuring Lana Del Rey, “What’s Love Got to Do with It” by Tina Turner, “Sure Thing” by Miguel, “Forget Me” by Lewis Capaldi and “I Ain’t Worried” by OneRepublic.

As for what’s filling in the gaps, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift is our only re-entry at #49, but our notable gains include boosts for “Relax My Eyes” by ANOTR and Abel Balder at #58, “UNHEALTHY” by Anne-Marie featuring Shania Twain at #48, “TMO (Turn Me On)” by Luude and Bru-C featuring Kevin Lyttle at #45 - definitely not complaining about those three - alongside some I’m not as pleased about, like “Area Codes” by Kali at #39, “Talibans” by Byron Messia at #37 and “Side Effects” by Becky Hill and Lewis Thompson at #35, though at least “Little Things” by Jorja Smith is up to #28, and “Good Love” by Hannah Laing and RoRo is big off of the debut up to #22. We also see Dua Lipa’s “Dance the Night” gain up to #13 and “Padam Padam” by Kylie Minogue at #12, both just missing the top 10, whilst “Dancing is Healing” by Rudimental, Vibe Chemistry and Charlotte Plank enters the top 10 at #8, becoming the first for Vibe Chemistry or Plank but Rudimental’s fifth; their first in five years since 2018’s “These Days” with Jess Glynne, Macklemore and Dan Caplen. It’s a shame that this new top 10 hit isn’t all that good, but what can you do?

The top five on this week’s UK Singles Chart consists of “Daylight” by David Kushner at #5, “REACT” by Switch Disco and Ella Henderson featuring the late Robert Miles at #4, “Giving Me” by Jazzy at #3, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding at #2 and of course, “Sprinter” at the very top, which we’ll get to later as part of our muddled batch of this week’s new entries, which we’ll start now.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 - “Give it to Me” - Matt Sassari

Produced by Timbaland, Danja and Matt Sassari

If this week is defined by anything, it’s that we have songs by the duo of Dave and Central Cee, songs produced by Metro Boomin and a bunch of loosies that fall into neither of the categories. This song, more known for its “Full Vocal Mix” that halves its length yet has around 100 more million streams, is by French DJ Matt Sassari, and is essentially a remix of Timbaland’s 2007 hit of the same name with Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado that was a #1 hit in both the UK and US. The original is a fascinatingly bitter takedown from the trio onto… pretty much anyone who they didn’t like, whether that be Janet Jackson, Fergie, Prince or Scott Storch - yeah, they hit some pretty big names here, and it’s one of those diss tracks that feels a bit more petty than it does deserved… though honestly, I don’t find that much of a problem given how the Timbaland solo albums are mostly celebrity showcases anyway so it makes sense to stain them with gossip. With that said, I don’t like the original that much, as whilst it’s got the classic buzzing synth bass and heavily percussive groove of Timbaland tracks, it also has some of Nelly Furtado’s weakest and most awkward performances, especially in her verse, and the vocal melody all three of them go for in the verses is sing-songy and bitter to the point where Nelly sounds completely confused, Justin sounds punchable and Timbaland just sounds funny… which means he at least has the most charming performance. Given the club-based lyrics, it makes sense for a house remix but I do feel it’s a tad awkward, especially with how disjointed the new house beat ends up feeling with the original song’s vocals, which whilst being effectively chopped up, don’t really provide any sensible alternative to this just being an instrumental, and said instrumental would be pretty cheap-sounding and boring with its typical slap house synths that cloud up into a whole lot of nothingness. If not lazy, it’s empty - so it definitely makes sense that they shortened it to not even two minutes, got rid of the instrumental and replaced it with the original verses, excluding Nelly’s, which is a welcome decision but with every Timbaland-produced track, you could tell how involved he was in ensuring everything made perfect sense and worked together. He was a star-producer for a reason, and adding his work onto some distantly made slap house beat does no justice for the original track, even if I’m not a fan.

#68 - “HEATED” - Beyoncé

Produced by Beyoncé, Sevn Thomas, Neenyo, Jahaan Sweet, Boi-1da, Cadenza, Kelman Duran, Stuart White and Harry Edwards

There are four and a half minutes of runtime on this track, and double the amount of producers… yet you can definitely tell where they’re all coming from. Sure, this is not my favourite track from RENAISSANCE, but there are so many layers to this at any point in time: the liquid-smooth acoustic guitars, the weirdly intense Afrobeats percussion, the distant distorted chanting under several different layers and harmonies of Beyoncé providing great vocals as always. Sure, there’s only one real verse, but this is the “vibiest” song on the album, coasting off personality in an actually endearing way, mostly because Bey is full of charisma and whilst the song is mostly about how only a real man can handle the unique, powerful woman that is Beyoncé, there are some nice nods to how she came up - with her subtly paying tribute to her uncle Jonny in the pre-chorus - and the completely insane outro of liberation and aggression that ends the song with the mantra that had been in the back of the mix the whole time. Like most of RENAISSANCE, it’s just a great, slickly-produced and cleverly-composed track with a lot of attention to detail - why it’s coming back now I have no idea, but it may have something to do with the leaked Drake reference track. I honestly wouldn’t have minded him on the final track, mostly because a song about being uniquely powerful makes a lot of sense for both Bey and Drake, but it’s not like he brings all that much personality to the table, so the solo version works just as fine.

#63 - “bread & butter” - Gunna

Produced by Turbo, Omar Grand and Cam Griffin

I could not care less about if Gunna “snitched” or not - it seems that he took a plea deal, which is normal and common in the legal system, and Gunna’s relationship with his friends is of no interest to me, or any white boy on Twitter who thinks they have an eye on the streets. I did expect a comeback single when he was freed, but I didn’t expect it to honestly go this hard and be so connected to the story at hand. First of all, the R&B synths sound warm and the bass is surprisingly fuzzy and dynamic for a trap beat. More importantly, Gunna maintains his hustle, dissing Lil Baby for his perceived hypocrisy as he apparently still associates with “rats”. It’s a shame to see that duo dissolve, but the melancholy flow Gunna keeps with for most of this song is pretty defiant though it shows a level of sorrow and guilt considering how he becomes so paranoid and arguably allows his flow to become quite wonky in that second verse, mentioning how many have wronged him, his addiction to prescription pills and most interestingly how he feels that he fell for a manipulation of the legal system, which isn’t exactly hard for me to believe. Ultimately, this is not a great song - it runs a little long and Gunna is still not a dynamic vocalist, even if the melody gives his bars an internal sadness that interests me about where he could possibly go next, perhaps for more vulnerable lyrics down the line. I mean, it would be interesting to hear from Gunna of all people, but I don’t think I wanted it to have to come about like this.

#60 - “Closer” - Bou featuring Slay

Produced by Bou

Okay, for once, I think we need to stop thinking about the “Children”. Bou’s recent drum and bass hit is yet another flip of the late Robert Miles’ trance classic that hit #2 in 1996, and it definitely feels overdone, especially since the piano sound here Is particularly cheap, and the build-up is so liquidy it’s practically slime, which isn’t worth it since the drum and bass break is tacky and the bass is straight-up ugly, with the borderline off-key 808 clipping in the mix. Slay is a BTEC Bru-C who just repeats the chorus for half of the song until he actually gets into a verse, which for whatever reason is set to the back of the mix with a bunch of reverb, so it sounds like a completely disjointed song. Slay can barely flow and sounds completely out of it, so everybody here is amateur hour. Next.

#59 - “Annihilate” (Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) - Metro Boomin, Swae Lee, Lil Wayne and Offset

Produced by Metro Boomin, MIKE DEAN and Prince 85

I’ve heard really great things about Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, and I do feel it is one of those superhero films you can enjoy without any prior knowledge of superhero films, and whilst I’m a fan of animation, so it’s probably necessary to watch it at some point, I don’t really have any interest in it, especially not after listening to the soundtrack, which feels as watered down as it could possibly be before it isn’t even recognisable as Metro Boomin production. What’s much more prominent are the flamboyant MIKE DEAN synths which make complete sense amidst all of the pop-music melodrama Swae Lee brings to the table, and honestly even Lil Wayne’s pretty great verse wherein he gives all the spider lines he must have been saving up for this groove-less trap beat. Offset on the other hand is embarrassingly basic, and Swae Lee has a verse for whatever reason that just makes the song drag on for no reason, especially since it’s a motivational song so if you’re not feeling it in the first hook, you won’t feel anything else. I get the appeal, but I’m not a fan… yet we have more Metro Boomin-Swae Lee Spider-Man tracks next week, except replacing the guests that are actually talented with, well…

#56 - “Calling” (Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) - Metro Boomin, Swae Lee and NAV featuring A Boogie wit da Hoodie

Produced by Metro Boomin, Chris Townsend and johan lenox

NAV. He replaced them with NAV. To be fair, A Boogie is here too, but this is mostly the Swae Lee affair once again, with a liquid guitar line and an incredibly basic trap beat relying on pianos and occasional sound effects to make it sound in any way unique to Metro or the soundtrack. NAV is dour, also saying he isn’t materialistic, because anybody is believing that, and the rest of this is a love song. Great. Naturally, most of them sell it through the idea of giving them a bunch of luxury items, as well as generic platitudes that don’t paint an actual picture, with Swae Lee relying on superhero tropes again. I quite like A Boogie here, with a particularly dynamic, ever-changing flow and particularly honest, kind of cute delivery that has slightly more reciprocal lyrics as well as a great moment where the strings come in at the end of his verse, and he sounds great over them. That verse doesn’t save the song entirely though, especially due to the overlong instrumental outro that just fades out... and without any Spider-Man vore, unfortunately. We’ll be back to your feature film presentation after these brief messages.

#52 - “Sittin’ on Top of the World” - Burna Boy

Produced by Skread

So, in 1998, Brandy Norwood released “Top of the World”, featuring the laidback, effortless rap of Ma$e and the hit-making grooves of Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins. It’s fine. The production actually feels very underwhelming, and the conceit of the song isn’t exactly fascinating, especially with a just-okay Brandy performance, two tacked-on Ma$e verses and a post-chorus that hasn’t aged particularly well - not because it’s problematic or anything but because it sounds very jerky and missing the fine tuning that probably would exist with that kind of vocal stutter and refrain nowadays. To be fair, the strings in the bridge are great, but the song isn’t overall, and it stalled at #2 behind B*Witched… okay, so the song was at least better than that song, and I’ll admit that it’s funny to hear Brandy ask Ma$e to slow down because he’s “killin’ ‘em” considering Ma$e is one of the most - purposefully - boring rappers of all time. Is Burna Boy’s remake an improvement? Well, I say yes, actually, with a fatter bass groove than the original, and a clever interaction with the sample, which is pitch-shifted and both interrupts and completes Burna Boy’s self-liberating chorus. Sure, that vocal stutter still doesn’t sound great, but it’s more well-integrated with the blended production here, and Burna Boy’s rich voice definitely helps further how catchy and honestly just kind of cute this song is, with the wormy synth by the end sealing the deal. Mediocre sample ends up producing pretty good song. Who knew?

#51 - “Am I Dreaming” - Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky and Roisee

Produced by Metro Boomin, MIKE DEAN, Peter Lee Johnson and Scriptplugg

Our third and final track from the soundtrack is the only good one here, and yes, I’m saying that because A$AP Rocky is on it. Let’s just say I’m a fan. Seriously though, there are other factors here, mostly the whole early-2010s pop vibe it has going on, though a bit less compressed than those tracks were. The strings sound excellent and actually make this feel like a superhero anthem, especially when Roisee’s hook lines up perfectly with it, amidst the buzzing bass synths, and whilst I think that hook may be repeated a bit too much, she actually sells the motivational angle, partly because of how distorted her vocals end up sounding, indicating a filter that’s actually an obstacle between her and her dreams, whilst the rest of these tracks are complete fantasies. Similarly, Rocky mentions waking up feeling thankful for everything that’s been granted to him, and remembering how far he’s come from his impoverished childhood, even mentioning that because of the disparity he saw, he ends up ensuring his poorer friends hang out with his wealthier friends… which is not how that should work but I don’t care when he’s flowing this effortlessly, and the drums are so busy during his verse, it’s impossible not to have at least a little fun with it. I do wish Rocky was on the rest of this, but Roisee’s vocals are great, even if she doesn’t really go for an alternate melody at any point, meaning it feels a bit exhausting to try and split the chorus and verses from each other. Even if Rocky’s a non-presence for the rest of the track, MIKE DEAN is definitely here decorating the track with all his favourite synth patterns. Speaking of, even if it’s our last from him as a lead artist, Metro - and MIKE DEAN for that matter - still have yet another track debuting this week, that being…

#21 - “Popular” - The Weeknd, Playboi Carti and Madonna

Produced by Metro Boomin, MIKE DEAN and The Weeknd

Yes, this sounds bizarre on principle. The Weeknd and Madonna makes some sense considering the over-the-top pop icon status they both display, as well as both singers’ obsession with modal eras, but Playboi Carti? Well, it makes more sense when you consider Madonna was intended to be on the song firstly, and secondly, Carti’s only contributions are baby-voiced ad-libs in the post-chorus. In fact, let’s get him out of the way - he’s mixed horribly, doesn’t need to be here, sounds like he’s been sped-up and awkwardly placed in and his parts feel double the length of any actually decent elements the song brings to the table, which is a shame because this is actually a fantastic song, perfectly fit for soundtrack of The Weeknd’s HBO series The Idol not only due to its lyrics about being desperate for stardom but also with the campness of it, not pretending to be cool like any of the Spider-Verse cuts. Instead, we get Madonna’s silly spoken-word monologue over thematic synths and Metro’s drums doing their best Timbaland impression in this very 2000s funky dance-pop production. I’m pretty sure the song is about the series’ characters in some way, but I care very little about that so I’m just interested in the constant hooks exploding from everywhere, whether it be the sneaky keys, Abel’s constant grunting in the verses, the infectious “oh-oh” refrain in the pre-chorus, and of course, that impeccable chorus, whether it be the synths jabbing in and out or the catchy refrain Abel croons out. Madonna, unsurprisingly, gives not a fantastic performance but one very much within the realm of what she needed to do, as keeping it a tad more subtle was probably for the best to avoid this becoming a completely incoherent track. The cute laughs added in the bridge is a nice touch too, it does sound like this could have very well been a prime Madonna track… except you know, with The Weeknd replaced by Prince and Playboi Carti a complete non-presence. Please make a version without him, Abel, it’s the only thing that’s preventing this from being an excellent song - and you know, maybe add a bridge or synth solo in his place. Please?

#17 - “UK Rap” - Dave and Central Cee

Produced by Kyle Evans

Okay, so one thing I’ve noticed is a trend across all of our new arrivals this week: the lyrics are not interesting. If you run through them, they’re mostly either generic for no reason and as a result just uninteresting or generic because they’re soundtrack singles, with “Give it to Me” being a remix so the lyrics can’t really be totalled up there even if they are a bit more interesting. Apart from “bread & butter” and maybe “HEATED”, these three songs from Dave and Cench, all from their four-song EP Split Decision will be our only chance for some depth or at least comedy this week, since Dave is a conscious rapper and well, let’s just say Central Cee is never afraid to elaborate. Apart from the only track on the EP that didn’t chart, it’s pretty low-stakes for Dave and a comeback to making actually good music for Cench, so I’ll try and make these last three pretty quick and light-hearted. “UK Rap” is a slightly condescending nod to how British hip hop is under-represented, with Cench knowing  a girl who only listens to the two most famous British rappers - guess who - and otherwise only bumps Americans in the car. Kyle Evans provides a decent enough drill beat, even if I’d want it to be a bit more fluid with the 808s and it seems a tad too intimidating for a song that’s mostly comical in its lyrical content about this… underwhelming relationship. Cench actually goes for some wordplay as well as having a pretty confident delivery, and mostly does alright. Dave… well, his verse is just as comical, and I had to stop and replay the song after I laughed over the bars that followed him randomly dropping in his pontification about asking for feet pics. The verse honestly continues to be pretty great, as Dave has an attention to detail in his bars, with a great conversational flow, slick wordplay about Rudimental and a great fluid flow that runs all over the beat and makes it sound so much better than it actually is. Oh, and we get a Nelly Furtado mention here, which would be a book-end if this were the single.

#14 - “Trojan Horse” - Dave and Central Cee

Produced by Dave

This sample is incredible. The strings from the Warsaw Philharmonic Orchestra are beautiful, and they’re chopped up in a pretty awkward way on first listen but as soon as the trickling drill hi-hats come in, it all makes sense, and the bass also sounds weird first listen… but the juicy tone of it makes it sound a lot bouncier, which works for them trading bars and creates a really unique version of a drill beat. As for the bars here, Dave and Cench talk about gang violence and paranoia, that even gives him trauma when his girl puts him in cuffs, as well as a lot of flexing and girl talk as you’d expect. Apart from wanting to have sex with his step-sister, it’s a nice touch that instead of cutting out the beat when Cench says he doesn’t need a beat (because he’s “too vocal”), Dave instead gets rid of the strings sample, so that when he comes back for his verse, he can lead another one in that’s a bit more interesting and screechier than the last, keeping the beat a lot more interesting, as well as allowing the main strings loop to feel like a refrain, that fits due to the nostalgic feel of it. Dave’s rhyme schemes are satisfying and whilst I’d appreciate a bit more interplay, they have enough chemistry in that they’ll share similar rhyme schemes or content themes between verses. Dave definitely shows up Cench - as expected - in terms of pure bars, but as a result it almost feels relaxing whenever Cench comes back In, which is actually the opposite for the third and final track from the two debuting today:

#1 - “Sprinter” - Dave and Central Cee

Produced by Jo Caleb, Jonny Leslie, Dave, Jim Legxacy, Kyle Evans and TR the Producer

The big hit from the EP is actually pretty much a Central Cee showcase, as the one track on this EP where he really shines ends up getting the single and video push. I’m glad, too, since first of all, I haven’t heard Cench’s vocals in this high of a fidelity so Dave gave him more of a budget than usual, and he also put him on much more interesting production, with the six producers curating an incredibly energetic, tropical beat bringing highly percussive elements to the drill rhythm, whilst tonally, the song uses acoustic guitars and almost Pharrell-sounding vocal soundbites as well as an incredible use of bass. It’s a lot of flexing and girl talk once again, but there’s actual interplay between the two and Cench is the most infused he’s been in years, whilst Dave is effortless rapping quickly but still with this new conversational cadence I hadn’t heard from Dave until now and it really works a lot better, since his blunter delivery was what prevented me from enjoying some of his music prior. Cench’s second verse is genuinely incredible, as he goes on for way longer than I expected as the beat shifts around him into this beautiful vocal warbling that has enough attention to detail to add the “Maybach Music” tag when it’s referenced. I could probably do without Dave’s second verse, honestly, I feel like the song is kind of out of steam - and breath - by the end of the second chorus, and it ruins the catharsis the song makes me feel from having a return to the hook after Cench’s exhaustingly good verse, but as a misogynist epilogue, I suppose it works, and whilst I do prefer “Miracle”, I’m not mad this is at #1.

Conclusion

It’s getting the Best of the Week too, though you could honestly tie it with “Trojan Horse”, and as for the Honourable Mention, it only feels right to give Beyoncé a nod for “HEATED”, though Gunna was absurdly close. As much as I want to spare Metro Boomin, he did make NAV chart so “Calling” with Swae Lee featuring A Boogie wit da Hoodie ends up as the Dishonourable Mention, with the Worst of the Week easily going to “Closer” by Bou featuring Slay, which I can only hope doesn’t last. As for what’s on the horizon, well, it seems like it may be the true start of Summer on the charts and it seems like the quality for this Summer’s hits are going to stay pretty high, even if the older tracks are a bit too slow in their exits, so I’m excited to see what else is coming. As for now, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!