#still need to find some writing time tho.
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Me: I’m gonna spend all Saturday writing while my kid’s at a retreat!
Exterminator: I need you out of the house
Father in law: I’m out of cat food
Past self: you forgot to unload the new machine at work. Also you forgot the sticker you printed off for your kid.
Father in law: I’m also out of human food.
Saturday: lol byyyyeee!!!!
Husband: I made you pancakes for dinner.
Me: I’m so glad I have you.
#so yeah. I didn’t do any writing.#but I spent the day with my husband which was lovely.#even if half of it was buying groceries for his dad#also we don’t have ants in the house anymore so I’ll call that a win.#still need to find some writing time tho.#also I’m aware it’s Sunday now when I posted this#but Sunday is chore day. so I’m doing laundry and stuff today. also my kid’s back home and I’ve missed them terribly
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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)
horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)
#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force#ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale#just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3#PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD#mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions#she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want#but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust#(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him#its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i#after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were#LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill#itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but#just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3#i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN#ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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I dunno why but I keep thinking abt the way I used to spend my nights two years ago
I remember around 6-7pm (in the autumn/winter) or 7-8pm (in the spring/summer), I'd lock my bedroom door, bring my tablet and headphones up with me onto the roof and play songs that I liked I watched the sun set. The songs were mostly either sapphic-coded (like sofia by clairo, strawberry blonde by chloe moriondo, etc.) or something ambient and soothing to me (like colorful interlude by sublime jupiter or rhubarb/#3 by aphex twin). I don't remember why though..I guess I just liked those types of songs back then xp
sometimes I'd bring my sketchbook with me too and sketch out random things like landscapes or characters from fandoms I was in at the time. Or I'd bring my journal and write about my completely nothing day. Most of the stuff I wrote was about the same but it's still nice to look back at them :3
Was it the safest for 14 year old me to just chill on the roof? Probably not. But tbh I didn't care at the time xD I honestly wouldn't have minded dying there.
I was at like.a reaaaaally low point in my life. Probably at my worst. Like I would cry everyday over little things and I found it extremely difficult to take care of myself. I guesss when I was out there on my roof watching the sun set with nice music in my headphones I actually felt..peace?? for once?? I dunno how to explain but it was suuuper nice I remember ^^ and it was nice to let out good cries up there.
I guess I can't help but remember this fondly and find it kinda nostalgic even though it was only two years ago and when I was not.doing great :'D I'm better nowadays luckily but hadhehdjwd makes me emotional sometimes.
#btw if you're wondering why I don't go up on my roof anymore#it's bcz I had a time where I like.never opened the window to go up there#and now when I open it I see a bunch of cobwebs and it's very dirty#IDK HOW THAT HAPPENED IN THE SPAN OF A FEW MONTHS BUT YK WHAT I'M NOT DOING AS BAD AS WAS 2 YEARS AGO#I DONT NEED THE ROOF THAT BAD BABDHHEBHQHSWH#I also really liked going up there when it rained!#was it the best idea? no#but I did it anyway xD#idk how my tablet and headphones survived considering they aren't waterproof to my knowledge but whateves#I especially loved the rain droplets all over my window#bcz then I could draw some stuff on my window!#it wasn't anything revolutionary obvs. just stick ppl but it was something!#I think I took a picture of one of the drawings but it's on my old tablet :[#maybe I could find it if I charged that tablet and scrolled far enough tho#IDRK WHY I'M WRITING THIS#I just wanted to.put it somewhere ig?? xD#I mean I wasn't planning on taking it to the grave with me and I've never gotten to talk about it so yeahhh#I never napped up there btw#I'm surprised tbh xD#maybe it was the fear of rolling off#speaking of tho I'll probably head to sleep soonnnnn I still need to fix my sleep schedule#~
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I’m so tired and did next to nothing today but positive things of today are that I went for a little walk (and finished my audiobook so am moving onto a new one tomorrow) and also I ate all my meals and I drank some water and I randomly did a few minutes of a mindfulness video (or at least tried to bc apparently I cannot stay focused for even 1 minute but I’ll practice) and tomorrow my goal is to do all this again plus drink some more water and actually do some uni work and also aiming to go to sleep before 4am bc I failed at that goal yet again - I don’t even know if I have the energy to go in the shower rn despite it being my fav way to end each day these days but if I do I’m sure that will be added to the list of positive things too :)) I might just try to sleep soon? idk idk things feel kinda weird today(I think I do know why though) hope you’re having a nice day!!!
Edit: boiling hot shower I am grateful !! somehow managed lmao now to wind down aahhh
#yakult positive things#all I did was get dressed 100 times and end up going nowhere lol#it’s crazy cos I actually feel a little better after writing this realising I still did some things I usually wouldn’t do !!!!#I’m getting very good at doing some lil habits and also at finding positive things#I think this helps a lot I want to keep trying !!#ugh I should rlly shower tho :(((((( I don’t wanna wake myself up either tho lol I need to pass out
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ooooo so interested in Treacherous!!
Okay this one is still very much an outline/mess of notes so I don't have any snips to share and it's probably the one I'm most shy about, idk why exactly, just feels like it would be less interesting to other people, so I'm just vibing by myself lol.
Anyway! It is an Anna!Lives AU where she ends up as a FEDRA lab rat for ~10 years and escapes right after Marlene finds and sends Ellie off with the fireflies. So then Joel and Tess take Anna to try to catch up at the state house but they miss them. Tess still gets bit (sorry) and then it follows Joel and Anna across the country to try to track down Ellie and as they spend more time together Anna keeps telling him more and more about little Ellie from when they were together a few years before they got separated. By the time they catch up to Ellie, Joel's ready to level the hospital for a kid he hasn't even met, and her mother.
Fun fact, I actually mentioned this one in an earlier chapter of Stubborn Love. It's one of the books Ellie gets at the library 😁
Thank you for the ask!
#there I go plotting an entire novel length longfic... again#I just love the idea of Joel falling in love with this 14 year old he's never met and the struggle of watching another parent trying to#protect their kid and at some point you know she's gonna lose hope so then he's gotta be the one to say no we're gonna find her#even tho he low key thinks she's gone but also won't give up if there's any kind of chance that she's not#And! Anna really believes in the fireflies cause of being friends with Marlene and shit but then Joel is like fuck those guys so the whole#time they're at odds over that and then they get to the hospital and Anna has to confront the fact that Marlene was really gonna kill her#kid even knowing Anna was still alive and also immune so like there were options Marlene! you didn't need to knife a 14 year old#so they disagree over that and there is some casual homicide but still a happy ending for our faves#anyway I'm actually done now thank you for asking about this one that no one else probably cares about but I love it a lot#if you couldn't tell#writing things#tlou fanfiction#treacherous#wip ask game#asked and answered
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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Something weirdly specific for at least some of us, that we've had in mind for awhile; unfortunately this was the closest we could get with a picrew tbh.
× × × || × × × || × × ×
Like, fortunately for us; while we have some things that irk us with this one, but this hits pretty close in a metaphorical sense at least for the people we're thinking of. Unfortunately for us, some of those are more obvious than others so we hesitated on weather we needed to share this or not LOL.
#stimboard#cn // highly personal#highly personal#GOD THAT PINK IN THE BACKGROUND. SO THREATENING.#THAT “SHE KNOWS” THING A MONTH BACK IN THE GAME SESSION. // OC-related tangent in the tags incoming#(<- hits differently in some situations)#(<- *stares at the plural OCs who we made an entire past for.*)#(<- *stares at the fact their whole thing is. dysphoria made them plural. and THEN they became functionally immortal.*)#(<- you don't skip town for no reason. they lived in a generation where being both would throw them in The Loony Bin)#(<- but only the QUEERNESS became more acceptable later on.)#(<- these bozos are a mirror to our own life and frustration. and that realistically. people are starting to accept endogenics to a degree.#(<- but the world we want and how endos are treated is NOT going to happen next yer. it MIGHT happen in like 20 years.)#(<- “she knows” has been and always will be our greatest fear and pushing through that is HARD.)#(<- So what would it look like INSTEAD to be hiding under queerness. which is still stigmatized as hell)#(<- but you can AT LEAST find a margin of community somewhere that isn't full of abusers and bootlickers/idenity-medicalists for that ID)#NONE OF THIS IS NEGATIVE we're actually kind of glad the GM saw the full implications of that even implicitly -#- getting the shivers just remembering that. But also it's interesting to implement that onto their younger singletsona lmao.#WERE SO PISSED THO THAT WE COULDNT FIND A GREYSCALE MASK THAT WASNT. HORROR OR PARTY. THESE FUCKERS ARE NOT VILLAINS YNKOW.#like how the fuck do we have a hoard of gifs in our tumblr likes and found NOTHING for that specifically lolsob?#yes these ARE the same two chucklefucks we blabbed on and on about for like a week on our main account.#but its their “singletsona”. kind of. kind of sort of. we have wholeass ideas on this narratively.#like we just need to WRITE as in actually write but the issue is every time we do we hit A Wall(tm)#but yeah. anyways. we have headmates playing a TTRPG and we may have projected our frustrations onto two OCs that we don't even play. 😭😭😭
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got inspired by a fic i read the other day, but didn't quite hit the right spots for me so. time to write out a new wip idea
The concept of that fic really grabbed me - Jason and Tim having a bodyswap the same day Jason wakes up in his coffin, at a point after Tim had already visited Bruce and Alfred with his insistence that Batman needed a Robin - but for what I was thinking, by the time Jason convinces Bruce and Alfred of who he is, Tim's already started to dig himself out of the coffin. And when the three of them show up at the cemetery, the grave's empty.
Tim would be catatonic and go through much of the same stuff canon Jason went through before being found and dunked in the Pit. He'd end up enduring the whole League of Assassins shtick that canon Jason went through while at the same time Jason is dealing with Tim's regular person life. Both of them struggled a bit trying to imitate the other, but they managed- Tim with not much issue considering no one in the LoA was close to Jason, and Jason trying to manage Janet Drake's clearly growing concern every time he slips up.
Like, imagine Tim, desperately trying to imitate what he knows of Jason from watching Robin on the streets and seeing Jay in a few galas here and there. And one day, Talia tries to tell him he'd been quickly replaced to get him to finally listen and Kill Somebody/accept he was staying with the League until they deemed him fit to leave.
And Tim looks at a picture of himself, hanging around the front yard of Wayne Manor with Bruce, Alfred, and Dick. Another picture showing himself in an ill-fitting Robin uniform on a rooftop and seemingly getting lectured by Batman, who looms in front of him.
And he says "I'm not buyin' it."
Somehow convinces Talia that he's not convinced that the Tim in the photo (who is probably Jason and thank god, Tim was really worried about what happened to Jason's mind- or rather, his own body; he didn't actually consider Jason coming back to life until now) and she arranges a short trip for him to Gotham to see for himself.
Tim really struggles the next two days to keep up the Jason act, but he's pretty sure Talia and the others were just chalking it up to nerves at seeing his family again and the "newest addition".
When he finally gets to Gotham, he doesn't bother being stealthy. He doesn't have the skills- no matter how much Ra's and Talia's goons have been trying to beat it into him- and even if he did, he doubted he'd be able to sneak away from his own teachers that were stalking him from the shadows.
So he does his best to be casual. Walks straight towards Wayne Manor, and when he can actually start to hear his assassin stalkers the tiniest bit as he approaches the gate- a sign they're getting really restless- he decides now or never and bolts the rest of the way.
He thinks, if he had come sooner to Gotham, he would've tried fitting through the gaps in the bars- as if he was still 13 and small enough to fit- but as it is, Tim's spent 6 months in this body and he's not going to make that mistake.
Instead he slams a hand on the buzzer and says as fast as he can, "it's Tim! Tim Drake! There's assassins, open the gate!"
He has a heartstopping moment when nothing happens- when there's no answer and the ninjas are getting closer and closer and- And then it opens and Tim doesn't stop with his relief, he runs.
The door is opened not by Mr. Pennyworth, but by Bruce himself, a belt clipped around his waist, but entirely in sleepwear. He has something in his other hand and as he yells, "duck!" Tim can only think it's some kind of bomb and dives for the ground.
He was sort of right. It was a smoke bomb. He heard and smelled it hissing away behind him, and saw the cloud of smoke in his peripheral vision.
Bruce wasted no time running past him and barking, "Follow Alfred to the cave!" Tim took a moment to just breathe, feeling much more safe with Batman fighting to protect him. When Bruce looked back at him through a spot in the smoke, he yelled, "Go!"
Tim scrambled to obey, trying to run and stand and awkwardly doing both to get in the home. Mr. Pennyworth was just inside the foyer, out of sight of the windows, now that Tim noticed, and holding a shotgun.
He was also wearing a fluffy blue bathrobe and fuzzy pink bunny slippers.
Tim blinked. "Uhhh,"
"Come along, Master Tim. We must be quick."
He didn't protest and followed him down to the Cave, where Jason in Tim's body sat waiting at the Batcomputer.
Man, I'm not completely sure on the timing, but imagine Tim finally getting back into his body and it's- he's taller than he used to be, bulkier too. And there are reflexes and muscle memory stuff he doesn't remember at all, but now just has.
He- he was Robin. Or, his body at least, and he felt like it. But he never was Robin. Not really. He never got a proper outing, never even received Bruce's official approval for it.
It was strange. And not totally a good strange.
He thought about the body he had. He didn't have a lot of love for it- puberty would do that to anyone- but it was his. And that saying about not knowing what you have until you lose it? Yeah.
Tim felt like crying.
#dc#bodyswap#tim drake#nemotime#didnt really focus on the jason bits here but if i ever actually write this- jay would probably get more of a comedy/humour role?#like yeah they gotta find tim and tim's parents are genuinely concerned and all#but much of it would be just funny shenanigans of Jason being saddled with two sets(?) of worried parents#and just when he manages to get things sort of under control. Dick shows up#i havent yet decided if he just becomes Very Annoying Older Sibling who has no idea how to process his emotions currently#and tries to fall back on tried and true tactics#OR if he is in Complete Denial and thinking this was just an elaborate ruse by Tim & lists the exact ways Tim would know how to imitate Jay#(he's right and each accusation/point would probably be juxtaposed with a brief switch in scenes to whatever Tim is currently up to#which also happens to prove Dick's point exactly even though no one can except the audience can see that)#Jay would knock sense into Dick eventually but the point is. I could make his life humourous suffering :3#Either way Dick would show up some time after Bruce remembers to call him & he would Not leave the manor until Tim is back safe and sound#(not for Jason obviously. pfft. Jason's just fine. Dick doesn't need to stay at the manor to make sure of it. He's just staying to find Tim#okay. realistically. this would just be a hella lot of angst. However! Having that shift from Angst with Tim to Laughing at Jason would be.#so fun.#tho i'd probably still sprinkle in some Angst with Jason bc i cant help myself lol
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the suyeol lore is so crazy
#their relationship is so interesting to me like aoughhhh#like you see subaek and even tho they don't talk a lot on camera (most of the time) those two get along so well#they understand and respect each other so much they take their job very seriously and they're actually good friends as a result#suyeol on the other hand is 12 years of slowburn like it's crazyyyyy#you admire him and believe in him like no one else does and then you discover that he isn't that great actually#so you get disappointed and distance yourself and then you both are in this weird limbo for years as you grow up#and slowly but surely you rediscover how your relationship works because both of you are adults now and now we're here#like yeah suhito was stressed back then the context was not great for a leader AND tao was still with exo so lmao pcy could fend for himself#so i get ittttt they were going through it but. i need to know what he said to pcy like oh my god was it really that bad 😭#i wonder if they've ever mentioned it 🤔#writing this bc i just remembered that one time they had to describe e/o and suho was like#“you're my cute dongsaeng i admire your talents so much and oh btw you're not uncomfortable around me these days right? uwu”#LIKE ??? KING YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND LEAVE US IN THE DARK#(<- they totally can it's not our business lmao)#idolization to tentative ''''enemies'''' to coworkers to friends to good friends is crazy#i need to look into this properly omg let's do some research#anyways i want a subunit :) they can be called exo sc too sehun won't mind bc these are like his favorite people in the world!!!#idk i find the exos and their bond so interesting because you truly have it all with them there's a whole spectrum of friendships#and i appreciate that it's not like with b*s & taegi (if you don't know who they are... let's keep it that way <3)#because those two were just too different to get along. it was extreme. but bighit forced it so much it was painful to see sometimes#and then the hawaii trip came and they painted it like a ''see? after this trip they get along so well now <3'' moment#1. girl let's be serious for a sec 😐 and 2. it's not our business!!!!! focus on making good music!!!!!#i'm so glad exo didn't have to go through something like that bc i just know that they'd have disbanded by now sjfsifjsk#the saranghaja sprite isn't that intense we lovr freedom of choice (keeping in mind that they were under sm) <33333#so YEAH. can you guys tell i can't sleep hehe :)#dara.t#suho and chanyeol
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I desperately need to find motivation to start writing again, and I don't mean fanfics but like, my own stories. When I was a kid I promised myself that if I ever publish a book I want to give a copy to my primary school Polish/literature teacher, because she always encouraged me to write and I owe her a lot of my passion for books and writing. And now I'm realizing, she's probably like, in her late 50s, which isn't old but if I keep not writing for much longer I may never get a chance to thank her
#my mom sees her every now and then#because she shops at the store she works in#sometimes she still asks about me even tho i finished primary school like 8 years ago#which is so sweet of her#i love her#one of the best teachers i had ever#but i havent seen her in ages#i really want to give her a book i wrote one day#i just. need to actually write something#the worst thing is i have a lot of ideas all the time#i even start some of them#but i never finish them#ough#google how do i find motivation#bee buzz
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bruh
#talking abt ye/llowjackets in a new post LOL 🤪🤪#anyway i just spent so long looking for a post and did not find it#but it was like saying how yj literally has a canon wlw couple#an interracial canon wlw couole#yet there’s so much focus in the fandom on two wlw couples both btwn white girls#and like to each their own and everything#jack/ieshauna and lo/ttienat aren’t even rly my thing rn#but AS SOMEONE WHO IS OBSESSED W TA/IVAN#THE CANON COUPLE IN THE SHOW#AND IS FIENDING FOR TA/IVAN FICS RN#it’s so fucking annoying bc WHY are they the THIRD most popular ship in yj on ao3#WHY is tai/ssa turner the fourth most popular character (ig thats fair#considering shauna lottie nat get a fair and of screen time relative to her too assuming they’re the 3 above her idr for sure)#(perhaps i am just a slight hater. i do think part of me likes to like the less popular thing#BUT LIKE#i genuinely love tai and found tai and van to be my absolute favorite part of the show#and then to my surprise they’re not even that popular on ao3 😭😭😭#i mean i’m still making my way thru tags and looking for shit lol#there r some FANTASTIC fucking writers for them tho holy shit#have been reading some incredible shit#eating good lolol#jeanne talks#WAIT NAH TAI IS THE FIFTH MOST POPULAR CHARACTER ON AO3#mf jackie is above her. girl is dead why is she that much more popular#ig you could also say that for misty and van too#i just want more tai content :|||||||||#or maybe i just need to make myself interested in reading jackies/hauna or lot/tienat fics lol#NOT trying to invalidate what anyone reads or writes for in yj#just purely complaining about my experience finding fics ig lmfao
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my goal for when i turn 27 is to be so unbelievably strange.
i’ve recently become aware of the crushing amount of shame i’ve started carrying since 2020. it was brought on by a multitude of things— i gained a lot of weight, i lost my job and was out of work for two and a half years, all my friends got married meanwhile ive never dated anyone, and most pertinently i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2022 which made me look back on my past actions and realize just how disastrous it all was. i always knew something was quote unquote wrong with me, but i had also internalized the idea that i was either below the threshold of genuine mental illness or reallly high functioning. and i mean i guess to some levels i was “high functioning”— i never attempted suicide no matter how badly i wanted to, i never spent any time in hospital no matter how much i needed help, and i knew well enough to keep my mouth shut when i was actively psychotic. i also had a drinking problem and a hair trigger temper, i felt everything too deeply and expressed those feelings impulsively, i alternated between demanding bottomless intimacy from my loved ones and shoving them away when it was no longer serving my need for intensity. i never learned how to act so even when i was euthymic i was unstable. when i told my close friends about my diagnosis part of me wanted/expected them yo be surprised but the reaction was just like, “thank god”. and that combined with the fact i was “failing” in so many other areas made me so self conscious and determined to be normal. people who met me post diagnosis have a completely different view of me— honestly the best thing they had to say about me was that i’m “nice” or “agreeable”. i stopped engaging with art because i was so afraid of doing it wrong (whether as a viewer or a participant) or talking too much about it and revealing the fact that i’m crazy. i withdrew into myself and just wanted to remain comfortable, to have people like me.
but heres the thing. when i was unmedicated and insane, people didn’t just like me, they were obsessed with me. my bonds were intimate, i had love at first sight connections, i was Known. i was exposed to the world and i could experience the true joy of that. i wanted to die more often than necessary but when i was having fun, i was having fucking fun.
and thats really scary because like, when you’re living that boldly you embarrass yourself so much. and for the last four, going on five years thought i was already so inherently embarrassing that adding any more would make me completely inhuman. but i now realize i was only living half a life. and whats more, now that i’m not allocatinng so much mental energy to not exploding and dying, i can actually create art!! i’ve never really done that before!! and it does feel very embarrassing to be bad at art when i’m pushing 30!! but i will never create good art if i don’t create bad art. and i want to create, i want to experience, for the love of god i want to live.
mierle ukeles’ manifesto made such an impact on me as well. i need to cultivate my life and death instincts both. i spent too long with no instincts at all. i am going to deep clean my apartment on the long weekend so that i can start on my clay figurines. i am going to tell my best friend i love her and borrow her sewing machine. i am going to fix my budget so i can pay for my guitar lessons. i am going to live like an animal and one day i’ll die like an animal. its embarrassing to pretend i was ever doing anything else.
#marijaneposts#yea i lied in my bio my birthday isnt until next month. i just decided it was close enough and didnt want to have to change it later#i started writing a song for the first time ever. just to find out what its like.#the nature of being bipolar is that even when you dont have symptoms you still exist in some kind of cycle i think#still need to change my meds tho i cant be making art And taking care of myself if i’m so eepy tired
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the ferrari guy | jjk.
You hire an assistant – and Jeon Jungkook loses his mind. Is that irrational of him? Not when the guy you’ve chosen flirts like a hooker, looks like a runway model and dresses like he’s Giorgio Armani himself.
pairing: jungkook x reader rating: pg-15 genre: humor | fluff | chaebol!au | fwb!au | ceo!jungkook warnings: swearing + implied sex + jealousy + insecurity + a certain loml charming everyone’s pants off <3 word count: 3 k note: helloooo fam! i am alive and still writing apparently lmao. jimilter is still a safe space, a wonderful escape from real life and i have no plans of quitting this in near or far future (: no comments on the occasional disappearances tho bec real life has been hectic af! anyways, enjoy this humorous lil drabble from jk's pov (set between part 3 & 4) while i work on the massive angst in part 5! <3
— masterlist | feedback!
↝ the damsel & her knight ⁘ 01 02 03 [3.5] 04 05
On Thursday evening, while leaving work, Jeon Jungkook finds a flashy, bright red Ferrari convertible blocking his car in the parking lot of his office. An office in a building his father owns.
Needless to say, he is beyond mad.
"Who the heck even drives a Ferrari in our company?" he barks into the phone, scowling when his secretary gives an exasperated sigh.
"President ma'am interviewed some people today, sir. Maybe it's one of the candidate's cars?"
"What kind of a douchy person comes to a job interview in a convertible?" Jungkook is still scowling at the vermillion vehicle when his brain catches up with the rest of the information Haeri imparted. His mouth dropping open, he raises his free hand up in front of his face, as if to stop time. "Hold on – did you say President ma'am?"
"Uh, yes, si—"
"She interviewed people? Why? What for?" he cuts his secretary off, frowning.
"She is hiring an assistant, sir."
"Wha—why does she need an assistant?"
Haeri is quiet for a while. Then she clears her throat. "I would suggest you to not ask her this, sir."
Jungkook sighs. Haeri is always so straightforward with him. Sometimes a bit too straightforward. But she’s always guiding him around making stupid decisions, and maybe that is why he's had her in his office for nearly two years now. The longest he’s had a secretary ever since he joined the company as the CEO.
There’s also the fact that Haeri actually has a boyfriend and is immune to all of Jungkook’s charm… Not that he’s actually tried them on her, per se. He’s been otherwise occupied in that department for a while. Very happily and proudly so.
Clearing his throat, "Yeah, sorry," he grumbles to the girl, turning around to eye the offensive car again. "I'm texting you the license plate number, will you make an announcement on Prez's floor?"
"Sir, I—"
"Good. Thanks, Haeri, you're a gem!"
Even as a security guard comes and removes the obstructing vehicle within minutes and Jungkook is free to leave, his mind doesn’t feel settled. At all. He isn’t sure what it is that irks him about you hiring an assistant, but it is something for sure. Maybe he fears you’d pay him even lesser attention at work than the scant amount you do now. Maybe he thinks you won’t need his help with the integrated Firewall-VPN project anymore. Maybe he… Well, he isn't sure.
But something about this just usettles him. Which is what has him texting you close to midnight, casually dropping his question without offending you with a ‘why’ just like Haeri instructed him to.
↪ hey prez ↪ heard you’re hiring an assistant?
Your reply comes exactly ninety-four seconds later. Yes, he counts.
You heard that in the middle of the night?
He bites his lip, rubbing his reddening cheeks against the cold cotton of his pillow in embarrassment, but doesn’t lose hope because you’re still typing.
I have actually already had the interviews today The guy joins tomorrow You wanna drop by with a welcome gift basket? :)
His glare stays fixed on the little, taunting smile for a long while, before it moves to the word ‘guy’ in your text. You’ve hired a guy assistant.
Jungkook wonders if the bile suddenly roiling in his stomach has any correlation with the explicit images his brain suddenly conjures up of you and a faceless male making out in your office.
God, he’s going insane.
The next morning, Jungkook is barging into Yoongi's office with a frown. "Prez hired an assistant."
Min Yoongi very slowly looks up from his computer screen, gaze wary. "Good morning to you too, Jeon. I’m doing well, thanks for asking.”
Jungkook ignores the man’s sarcasm and instead drops into one of the couches placed on one side of his office, groaning. “It’s a guy.”
“So I’ve heard.”
Head whipping up faster than the blink of an eye, Jungkook gapes at your Creative Director. “You have heard?���
Yoongi gives him a tired look. “My office is on the same floor as hers, Jeon. I have more than just heard.”
“Have you seen the guy?” he quickly rushes out, wide eyes boring into Yoongi’s disinterested ones.
“Met him. Kid’s jovial and efficient. She’s gonna love him.”
What? Jungkook stalks up to Yoongi’s table with a scowl. “Kid?”
“Oh, he’s probably older than you.”
“Jovial?”
“Yeah, always got a smile on his face; not a word out of his mouth without giggles.”
Giggles? Jungkook's pinky finger twitches in irritation because giggling is supposed to be his thing. How dare you.
“And he's really freaking efficient too, man." Yoongi continues when Jungkook has stayed quiet for too long. "He's got a typing speed of 96 wpm, can speak five languages, is capable of charming every guest with a grin and some sweet words—oh! And he’s quick on his feet! Delivered five coffees on two different floors with the steam still coming out of the cups.” Yoongi has a fond, dreamy look on his face, and if it wasn’t for the wedding band on his finger, Jungkook would have assumed the guy has fallen in love with your new assistant.
Which doesn’t sit well with Jungkook at all. Teeth gritted and fists clenched, he gazes out of the glass doors of Yoongi’s office to yours.
You aren’t in, yet. Should he pay your oh-so-wonderful assistant a visit before you are?
You’d surely have his head if you catch him threatening the dude – not that he plans on it; he just feels like he might – but it’s a risk he is very much willing to take.
And so, over Yoongi’s protests, Jungkook marches out of the guy’s office and, crossing the long corridor, lands at yours.
There’s an additional table placed perpendicular to yours within the glass cabin and Jungkook wishes he had laser vision so he could incinerate the damn thing in its place. He looks around the office for the guy of the hour, grunting at the small trinkets he finds adorning the new table.
Who keeps a freaking potted plant on a desk? What if it fell off and died?
Jungkook doubts this guy is as efficient as Yoongi talked about him being. He chokes in the middle of the accompanying scoff, though, because his eyes suddenly locate, well, keys.
Sleek, black, no bigger than a matchbox, with a silver, galloping horse engraved on the obviously custom made leather surface. Keys to a Ferrari. What are the odds?
“Ma’am, you’re in earl—oh…”
Jungkook twists on heels at the voice, coming face to face with a guy that honestly doesn’t look much older than him despite what Yoongi said. His eyes are wide and lips rounded, brown hair brushed off his forehead to display the perfect arch to his thick eyebrows. He wears a – Jungkook hates to admit – gorgeously tailored dark brown suit that Jungkook knows to be Armani because he just made the same purchase a week back.
The guy, simply put, doesn't look assistant-material at all. He could be on Vogue's cover with those plump lips and shapely eyes of his. Or perhaps pose for swimsuit commercials with that bubble butt. Or walk the ramp for Armani, Patek Philippe or Chanel, given the brands Jungkook can spot on him.
But he isn't in any of those places – he is here, in your office, as your assistant.
“Good morning, sir!” he suddenly exclaims, and here’s the jollity Yoongi talked about. “You must be Mr. Jeon, the CEO?”
Jungkook gives him a jilted nod, hating the flawless mannerism the guy displays and the accompanying subconscious twitch his lips give in response, and inches back towards the door. “Um, yeah… I was just leaving…”
Your assistant’s smile falls and a concerned look overtakes his face. “But you just got here?”
And something about the innocent pout with which he looks at Jungkook has him rooted to the place. In wonder? Confusion? Shock?
Awe?
He can't freaking tell.
“I can get you some coffee, if you’d like? Everyone’s been telling me I brew a killer espresso!” He flashes a proud smile while Jungkook just helplessly gapes. “I can also get you some snacks? Sandwiches? Cookies? Ooh, would you like some pastries? Our office canteen has some amazing Danishes, would you like one? Ah, your forehead is all misty. Here!”
Before Jungkook can react, the guy is in his face with a tissue, dabbing the sweat away from Jungkook’s arched eyebrows. His smile is blinding, dear God, Jungkook cannot articulate a single word out of the storming confusion in his head. Since when do men have such pouty lips?
When he steps back, he immediately gestures to a couch. “Make yourself comfortable, sir! May I lower the temperature? You still haven’t said what you need.”
Finally, finally able to collect his thoughts, Jungkook releases a long exhale.
Who the actual fuck is this guy? A witch? A siren?
Jungkook needs to get out of here and he needs to talk to you.
“Uh, no, thank you, none of that. I, um, I’m good.” Quickly flashing the guy a tight lipped smile, Jungkook slips out of the doors. “I came to see Prez, but she's obviously not here, so… I’ll – I'llcome back later. Good day.”
Even as Jungkook immediately storms out of the office and rushes to the elevators to hurry back to his own floor, your assistant calls out a very happy sounding, “You have the best day, sir!”
Well-mannered, fashionable, charming in a very alarming way. Dude literally had him gaping for a whole minute with his head pretty damn empty. Jungkook's head is never empty.
This guy is so weird and… dangerous. Where did you find him?
And, in fact, why did he come here?
The guy's obviously rich, given all the brands he wears like second skin, so why the heck does he want to work as your assistant? In the same office as you?
Jungkook roughly swallows as the images he conjured last night make a return to his head – this time, with your assistant’s regrettably very handsome face on the previously faceless guy you were making out with.
He wants to punch a wall.
What he does, instead, is shoot off a text to his secretary, telling her he isn’t feeling well and is going back home. And then another one to you, asking you to pay him a visit tonight. And possibly stay the night because he bought some extra alcohol.
He hasn’t, but the first stop he makes after leaving the office will be to pick up some expensive red wine.
Everytime Jungkook pulls out of you, spent and sweaty and satisfied, after the deed is done, he is left in disbelief. Every single time. Is this really happening? Are you really sleeping with him? Do you actually feel attracted to his body?
He is smart enough to not delude himself into thinking there's more to it, but it doesn't matter because whatever there is between you both is enough to astound him every time the two of you have sex.
Right now, as you sit with your back to him, pulling on his t-shirt over your bare frame – Jungkook's mind is caught onto something a little different than his usual daze of disbelief, though.
And even though he’s risking it by questioning the ‘why’ despite his secretary’s warnings, Jungkook can’t help it when he brings it up. "So… Hiring an assistant. Why so suddenly?"
You hum and give a noncommittal shrug. "I can't be in the office all the time. It's high time I hired one, don’t you think?"
Jungkook doesn’t think so. But he’d definitely be dead meat if he said it out loud. “Sure… What tasks will you give him?”
That earns him a confused look from you over your shoulder. “Do you wanna tell me something, Jeon?”
Wide-eyed, he gapes at you. “What?”
“Did something happen with Haeri? Is that why—”
“Oh, no,” he exhales, beyond relieved, then shakes his head with a smile when you continue to eye him suspiciously. “I just… Well. I’m always making Haeri pick up after me as if she’s a babysitter and not an office worker, you know? So I thought I could use some tips from you…”
You nod at that, turning back around to pull on your panties, and Jungkook breathes easier. He has sold his lie and you’ve bought it. “That’s actually thoughtful and mature of you. Where was this maturity when you had me running after you, though?” you grumble with a playful glare, and he just laughs.
“It is because of all of that that I’ve finally learnt to be mature, Prez.”
Straightening after having covered your lower half, you inch back on the bed and rest your back against the headboard. “Well. To be fair, he has been running around for tiny errands for the two days he’s been here, so I can’t really lecture you, right now,” you admit. “But I wanted someone in the office for the meetings-season that is about to arrive as we near the launch, you know? Both you and I will be busy with the project. Poor Yoongi will need all the help he can get.”
Jungkook frowns. “Why doesn’t Yoongi hire an assistant then?”
You snort at that and gesture to the bottle of wine on the nightstand. “Why’re you pressed about it? You said you need tips, right?”
“Ah, yes, of course. I just want some tips.” Quickly catching his slip, Jungkook pours you a glass and settles next to you, bare, with the covers thrown across his lap for modesty. “So… will he be accompanying you to meetings, then? Or fill in for you while you’re busy with other stuff?”
“Well, initially he will shadow me for a week or so. And then when I get busy overseeing the launch event and coordinating with the Lims and other investors, he can switch between locations around the city to ensure everything is in order because Yoongi can’t be doing everything, you know?” You take a sip from your glass of wine and shrug a shoulder. “He’s our Creative Director, he needs to hold the fort while everyone runs around like headless chickens.”
Jungkook sips at his wine and musters a thin smile. Because yes, it definitely makes sense why you needed to hire an assistant. Speaking of, Yoongi probably needs one as well.
Damn, when he used to work as a Software Analyst at a different company, he had no idea the executives of a company had so much to do. It always looks like an easy life looking in from the outside. But as CEO, he has come to learn that if someone in a higher up position makes a mistake, they initiate a dominoes’ fall all the way down.
“You met him, didn’t you?”
His surprised eyes fly to yours at the question. You’re looking at him with a smirk, and Jungkook’s heart gives a thump at how sexy you look. Your question, though, throws him off. "I… How did you—”
You roll your eyes. “He told me you came in to see me and then left. I checked in with Haeri and she said you weren’t feeling well.”
Wow. They both snitched on him. Just great.
And now you're looking at him with barely contained laughter as if you know how jealous he feels. Who is he kidding, of course you know how jealous he feels. You always know this kind of stuff, ugh.
“Don’t be getting insecure, Jeon, my assistant will remain only an assistant.”
He doesn’t know why you say that, but he appreciates it all the same. The twinkle in your eyes expresses playful adoration and the way it makes his heart race kinda scares him.
But then you lean in with an exaggerated kissy face to press a wet smooch on his mouth. When you pull away, he looks at you with a slight pout on his lips. You tilt your head to the side with a squint.
"What?"
"It's… Why did you pick the Ferrari guy?" Jungkook sounds a little whiny, but he can't help it.
You look at him over the rim of your glass, eyebrows nearing your hairline, amusement spilling from your gaze. "Uh, what's wrong with the Ferrari guy?"
"Nothing, of course, that's not what I meant," he tries to amend with a chuckle, but given the way you narrow your eyes at him before putting your glass away to cross your arms, you probably don't buy it. So he speaks on. "It's just that he doesn't look like an assistant, you know?"
"I… don’t actually. What does an assistant look like?"
Are you being purposely difficult or is Jungkook being completely weird? He's not exactly sure how to explain it better, but he's definitely sure that any other way would have been better than what comes out of his mouth next. "I mean, a bit… less… flirty, I guess?"
"What? What the hell did he do to you?"
He groans at your excited expressions. "Dude had me gaping at him for fifteen minutes while he talked about God knows what, because I couldn't focus on his words! I don't even like men like that!"
You give a loud snort and then break into loud peals of laughter. "Well, Jungkook, maybe you do! Maybe you just haven't had your awakening yet!"
"Not funny," he grunts, even as a humored smile slips on to his face at your loud giggles. "What did you say his name was, again?"
You raise an eyebrow. "I didn't."
He rolls his eyes. "Well, my dear Prez, what is your new assistant's name?"
"Park Jimin." Your smile turns goofy and eyes almost dreamy. "Pretty name for a pretty man. Right?"
He rolls his eyes at your suggestive wink, grumbling as he finishes his glass of wine in a large gulp.
You give a small sigh. "He's a nice guy, give him a chance. Heart of gold, or whatever they say."
Jungkook decides that he, for reasons way beyond his supposed homoerotic awakening, absolutely hates Park Jimin's guts. He's going to convince you to fire him. And soon.
© jimilter | 2024
#bts#jungkook#jeon jungkook#bts x reader#jungkook fluff#bts fluff#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook fluff#jungkook x you#bts x you#bts scenarios#jungkook scenarios#jungkook fanfic#bts imagine#jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook x you#w: tfg#*mine: fic
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Being in my late 20s is... my peers are younger than me and I find it hard to interact with them... I have no established boundaries... I feel like I'm running out of time, or I'm running late for life... I feel cautious all the time... I run on borrowed optimism.
Oh and all the while, old people have found the energy to tell me I'm doing everything wrong :D even though they're the ones who pump world saving bullshit into young minds as soon as they can. I gave up so much fucking freedom & time so These old assholes wouldn't get sick???
#journaling#mid twenties#late twenties#I've been keeping up with myself more. jotting. i did used to just journal on here bc it was private#oh yeah i remember now... i used tumblr to escape fb haha it was too much on fb#it me#for some reason i write it on twitter and i hate that i open twitter. i kinda want to delete it but#i'd still need it eventually for promoting my comic. am i actually going to make this thing tho... comics are still so daunting to me...#i used to draw comics all the time its what i did... its like i lost something really important and I'm scared to find it.#and I'm scared of it finding me...#oh and fuck old ppl lol these not the old ppl i did all this for bro my grandpa is who i did it for and he died last year anyway
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my very soul demands you
sukuna x reader summary: you introduce sukuna to cuddling and romance novels. meanwhile, he's still struggling to make sense of his feelings for you, despite wanting to commit murder because another man had the nerve to touch your arm (which earns him a lecture from yuuji). w/c: 2.5k tags/warnings: enemies to lovers. angst to fluff. jealous!sukuna. aged up!yuuji. features yuuji x reader. cursing. banter. hopefully not too ooc for sukuna. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. no manga spoilers. a/n: this could maybe be read as a stand alone, but it'd flow much better with the context of the previous two parts. lots of denial and begrudging softness from sukuna here. definitely more fluff than anything tho. this series has been fun to write, so thanks for reading<3 i appreciate reblogs or feedback! let me know if you'd like to be tagged in any additional parts. series masterlist // masterlist
when you crawl in between sukuna's legs and curl up against his chest, it's a foreign experience that makes his body stiffen.
he'd been with countless women during his lifetime, but while fucking is one thing, he never once found himself in a position that struck him as this... intimate.
"hold me," you whine as if you can sense his unfamiliarity with such matters.
he rolls his eyes, beginning to wonder if your habit of throwing orders at him is actually some sort of compulsive need. "didn't anyone ever teach you manners?"
despite his irritation, he acquiesces to your demand and once he envelops you in his arms, some of his rigidness dissipates.
you hum contentedly. "isn't that better?"
"it's tolerable," he asserts, his chest vibrating against your cheek.
"whatever you say." tangling your legs with his, you turn your attention back to the movie you've both been watching.
he doesn't understand this... tedious display of affection, nor does he particularly enjoy it... right?
and he only allows it because he can't rid his mind of the image of your tear stained face... right?
yeah, that has to be it. he figures he can endure this, given that he was the reason you were so upset earlier.
it goes without saying that he doesn't realize it when he begins to rub absentminded circles on your back.
and the way the warmth of your body forces his usually tense muscles to relax goes unacknowledged.
when the credits begin to roll, sukuna's wearing an expression of unimpressed disinterest. "that's seriously how it ends?"
you don't respond, so he looks down only to find that you're fast asleep.
"tch. you ask to watch a movie, force me to pick it, and then you don't even have the decency to stay awake." he's not sure why he's chiding you even though he knows you can't hear him, but he keeps his voice low enough that it won't disturb you.
sukuna's spent more time than he cares to admit watching your sleeping form, but this is the first time that it's actually him you're pressed against. it's the first time he can reach out and touch you.
your hair has fallen across your face, so he pushes it back behind your ear gently. the pads of his fingers brush against your cheekbone, a ghost of a caress, and his gaze lingers on your parted lips.
he lets out a deep breath, tearing his eyes away from you. "impertinent brat."
reaching for the remote, he flips off the tv and casts the room in darkness.
upon waking up in the morning, yuuji's confused once he notices that he's on the couch and you're sleeping against his chest.
he may have been half asleep when he arrived home, but he's still positive he went to bed. stretching his arms above his head, the movement jostles you from your slumber.
"mornin', baby."
"good morning, yu," you yawn in response, shifting to sit up.
"how'd i wind up on the couch?" he asks, though he's already got an inkling of the answer.
"oh," you blush. "sukuna kind of made an appearance last night."
"that so? how'd it go?"
you think there might be a shadow of a smirk playing on his lips. is he teasing you?
"good," you offer. "we watched a movie."
"watched a movie with the king of curses," he muses before his face breaks out into a lopsided grin. "you sure are somethin', baby."
returning his smile, you lean in and press your lips to his. "hm. says you."
it's not uncommon for you to meet yuuji for lunch if his mission is short and nearby, and today is one of those days, so he eagerly makes his way to the cafe you agreed on.
he's still a few hundred feet away when he spots you through the window, chatting with a man he recognizes as your childhood friend.
his gaze drops to where his hand is wrapped around your forearm as you both share a laugh together.
it doesn't really bother yuuji, he trusts you implicitly and jealousy isn't an emotion that's really on his radar. the same can't be said for everyone, though.
sukuna watches on as well, his thoughts much darker than his vessel's. who does that wretch think he is, putting his hands on you?
you're not his to touch.
"give me control," sukuna growls, his mouth appearing on yuuji's cheek.
"and why would i do that?"
"so i can rip his heart out and gift it to her since he seems so interested in offering his affections."
"duuuude," yuuji begins, somewhat amused. "i don't think she'd be super crazy about you murdering her friend."
"fine," sukuna bites back, well aware that yuuji has a point. "but he can live without his filthy hands, can't he? perhaps i'll pull each arm from his torso—"
yuuji snorts. "you have some serious issues, man."
he can feel sukuna trying to take over and easily curbs the attempt, though that only fuels the king of curses' irritation. "my only issue lies in the fact you're allowing this to happen."
yuuji reaches the door, a bell chiming through the cafe as he pulls it open. "she's a big girl. she doesn't need either of us to dictate what can and can't happen to her."
once you see your boyfriend, your face lights up and you call out his name. you place a kiss on his cheek and snake an arm around his waist in greeting, and the space it puts between you and your friend is enough to keep sukuna from protesting further.
"you two have met, right?" you ask.
"yeah! hey, itadori! it's been a while."
"it has! good to see you, yamada."
"i'd love to stay and chat more, but i have to get going," he states, leaning in to give you a hug which you return. "we should all go out together soon!"
"absolutely not, you deplorable knave—" yuuji slaps a hand to his cheek before sukuna can continue and yamada gives him an odd look.
your eyes widen for a split second and you have to stop yourself from facepalming.
"what'd you say?" yamada asks, sounding a bit hesitant.
"i said absolutely, sounds like an enjoyable night!"
the men exchange a handshake before you and yuuji make your way to a table.
"sukuna, what the hell was that?" you hiss once yamada's out of earshot.
"i don't know what you mean," he responds smugly.
you meet yuuji's eye and he just shrugs his shoulders, but you swear the corners of his mouth twitch upward.
you can't imagine anything good coming from the two of them colluding with one another, but let it go anyway.
opening up your menu, you sigh in defeat. "if you say so."
"what do you mean you'd rather disembowel yourself?" you question the man sitting across from you.
it's becoming more commonplace to see those dark marks adorning yuuji's body during the nighttime hours. you sometimes wonder if he's letting it happen or if sukuna's just getting better at taking over, but you're too nervous to ask.
"do you need a dictionary? there's one over on the shelf—"
"no, asshole. i know what disembowel means! i just don't understand your refusal."
he raises his eyebrows at the obscenity, but doesn't comment on it. "i'm not reading some inane romance novel."
"but brontë's one of my favorite authors!"
"it makes no difference if it was penned by the gods. the thought alone is absurd. can we move on now?"
you don't respond. instead, you cross your arms and stare at the wall defiantly. your face is contorted into an expression that lets sukuna know you're clearly affronted.
"very mature, you silly little girl."
"sorry you find me and my interests so childish," you huff.
"oh, please. that's not what i said."
you continue giving him the cold shoulder, having no desire to argue further, but more than willing to die on this hill.
"fine, don't talk. it's no matter to me," he claims (despite it being the furthest thing from the truth).
as the minutes tick by, he keeps looking at you from the corner of his eye and exhaling dramatically.
eventually, he calls your name in an exasperated tone, and while it makes your heart flutter, you still don't spare him a glance. you just hold the book out for him and to your surprise, he rips it from your grasp.
"you're ridiculous," he grumbles, opening the cover to reveal the first page. "i hate you."
when he glances over to see you're beaming at him despite the insult, he adds (albeit half heartedly), "i mean it, brat."
the two of you sit in silence, each of you reading your respective books. a few chapters in, sukuna comes across the following conversation:
"do you know where the wicked go after death?" "they go to hell," was my ready and orthodox answer. "and what is hell? can you tell me that?" "a pit full of fire." "and should you like to fall into that pit, and to be burning there for ever?" "no, sir." "what must you do to avoid it?" i deliberated a moment; my answer, when it did come, was objectionable: "i must keep in good health, and not die."
to your astonishment, you actually hear him chuckle, but when he looks over and finds your self satisfied smirk, any hint of humor disappears from his face in the blink of an eye. your hand quickly moves to your mouth to stifle a giggle.
"something you want to say?" he baits you.
"nope, nothing at all!"
two nights later, he's already nearing the end of the story and you refrain from commenting about how quickly he's made his way through.
you doubt he'd allow your current position if you had— you're laying on your side, your head resting comfortably in his lap, one hand occupying the space above his knee.
when you asked if it was okay, all he offered you was a clipped, "i suppose."
your hair is splayed across his thigh and your eyes fluttered shut a while ago. when he agreed to this, he didn't realize how distracting it'd be. his gaze flickers between you and the words on the page with embarrassing frequency.
he's decided what you call cuddling is absolutely suffocating. how anyone could actually enjoy it, he's sure he'll never comprehend. he can hardly concentrate on the novel that's right in front of him—
"read to me, 'kuna," you mumble, interrupting his thoughts. it surprises him that you're still awake.
he scoffs. "what do i look like? your personal audiobook?"
"you didn't even know those existed until like a week ago," you laugh. "c'mon, pleaaaaaase."
he stays quiet for a few moments, so you're under the impression he may just ignore your request. as such, you're exceptionally pleased when his voice fills the otherwise still apartment.
you think the sound of his voice is comforting, an idea that would more than likely make him cringe, so you keep it to yourself. after all, you don't want him to stop.
at some point or another, he begins twirling a strand of your hair around his finger whenever he's not turning the page, an action that seems to take place without his noticing.
occasionally he'll pause to ask if you're even listening. it's an odd feeling that blossoms in his stomach when you assure, "mhmm. every word."
as he reaches the second to last chapter, he reads a line that makes you question whether your heart's stopped beating. you're not sure if it's because of the tone of his voice, the words he's imparting, or some mix thereof.
"no—no—jane; you must not go. no—i have touched you, heard you, felt the comfort of your presence—the sweetness of your consolation: i cannot give up these joys. i have little left in myself—I must have you. the world may laugh—may call me absurd, selfish—but it does not signify."
he stops reading, as if he too feels the sense of unease that's invaded the air. against your better judgement, you turn to look at him. his eyes are glued to the page, almost like they're avoiding you, and his jaw is tense.
"my very soul demands you: it will be satisfied, or it will take deadly vengeance on its frame.”
when his gaze finally lands on you, his expression is almost pained. it's a strange contrast to the warm fondness you spot in his eyes.
you quickly push that thought away, however. whatever you believe you may have seen, you're probably just deluding yourself. you know you aren't his least favorite person, but surely he'd never feel even half of that sentiment toward you—
your breath catches in your throat when his hand reaches up, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. he still marvels at the fact you don't shy away from his touch, that you're usually the one to seek out contact with him.
perhaps the story is not as asinine as he expected it to be. rochester presumes jane will find him revolting, yet she still agrees to be with him, even after his selfishness has been made plain to her. after the sins of his past have caught up to him.
no, no, no.
to be so desperate for some woman's approval, or her devotion for that matter, is despicable. rochester's nothing less than foolish and sukuna isn't anything like him.
but you're certainly like jane, aren't you? fearless, passionate, and determined: all things he can't help but find endearing...
gods, what is this turmoil? it's making him feel pathetic and there isn't an emotion in the world he hates more—
you distract him from his internal monologue when your fingers wrap around his wrist and bring his knuckles to your lips. "you okay?"
"of course," he mutters, pulling his hand away. "just trying to get past all the mawkishness."
"really? you think it's that bad?" you question, the frown on your lips igniting that ache in his chest that appears whenever you're upset.
"it's not terrible," he sighs, realizing there may indeed be one thing he despises even more than feeling pathetic. "although i don't understand how jane is so taken with rochester."
you seem to ponder this for a moment before shrugging. "love is weird."
"what a clever analysis."
you slap his chest playfully. "oh, whatever. just keep going, you're almost finished!"
and you're right. he does reach the end of jane eyre that night, but not before you fall asleep on his lap. he closes the book, running a finger down the creased spine and setting it down carefully. it's obvious you've read it several times.
admittedly, he can see why, but he'd be caught dead before he'd ever tell you as much.
left alone with his thoughts, he considers the impossibility of jane and rochester: a charming, headstrong woman and a cruel, arrogant man.
leaning forward, he whispers your name to make certain you're asleep, then places a lingering kiss to your forehead.
"..sweet dreams."
#m!writes#sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna imagines#sukuna fluff#ryomen sukuna#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna imagines#ryomen sukuna fluff#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk imagines#jjk fluff
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Old writing especially on Bo's and then Vincent's part. I realised that I was writing as if their s/o showcased their strength during later on into their relationship in the first three slashers, apologies.
A/n: I am no longer writing for Hannibal or any hannibal characters as I myself have forgotten my own perspective of them.
Slashers x reader who's stronger than them but doesn't look like it!
Warnings: blood and death on the ghostface duos part, very slight mentions of nsfw. But mostly fluff.
Slashers in this: Bo sinclair, Vincent sinclair and Thomas Hewitt, Michael Myers, Billy Loomis and Stu Macher (poly)
Relationship: romantic!!
Bo
It clawed at his ego, he's a pretty mean bastard and you know it 🫵.
He first thought of you as the most fragile and weakest person ever (and cutest), I mean, could you even lift a pot half filled with water?
Undoubtedly he used this assumption to 'help you' or more so at times tease you. He loves seeing your reactions and most definitely not because you're so small and kind to him, pfff of course not.
He just absolutely loves lifting you up and over his shoulder and he's definitely an ass guy. He loves ogling and smacking your ass but he won't get to that level until many many months later on. But he's still going to stare.
“Oh Bo, I think there's a rabbit under the truck!” You exclaimed to Bo as you noticed something white and moving below.
"An animal? *sighs* hold on, I'll get rid of that p-" He suddenly loses his ability to formulate words as he witnesses you lift the goddamn fuckin truck with one arm, and indeed there was a rabbit underneath.
“*gasp* it's so cute!” Bo cannot believe what he just saw. Damn, he gotta stop smoking so much it's messing with his brain. He's just staring at you as you pet the timid rabbit with your 'scrawny' arm.
He must admit he does fantasize about you lifting him up and shit, or topping him in bed. Whatever he's feeling that day, and he would rather swallow sand than ever admit that last part.... But y'know if you're up for it-
His cocky and prideful attitude seemingly making an apparent change, he would hold a cup or item you need above your head with a shit eating grin watching you get frustrated with him. Or when he would make jabs about you being too weak to lift three chairs at a time and would offer to help you. (So he could walk beside you.) But now... He still fucking makes jabs at you being weak, just to fuck with you even though he knows it's far from the truth. He loves making you seem like the little helpless princess and him being the asshole shining knight in armor.
You wouldn't mind tho would you? It's a win-win, you get to spend more time with your boyfriend and he gets to spend time with his girlfriend.
Vincent
So gentle and caring with you. He's gentle and caring with whoever he is with but your size just makes him think one wrong move and he's accidentally breaking your arm. And cause of this he can't help but be a worry wart at times and way too protective. Not budging even if you reassure him you're perfectly capable of doing something that requires strength.
During one of the dark evenings you walk with your lover in the forest, the side of the forest where there isn't roadkill so that you can breathe without torturing your nostrils. And finding some fire wood to spend the next dark hours star gazing and ranting to him while the sound of the fire crinkling and burning the wood serves as a nice background music.
Every step you take you hear the crunch of the dead leaves get crushed under your foot, both of you holding your flashlights. You have the warm and slightly calloused hand of your Vincent holding yours affectionately as his thumb brushes against the back of your hand and knuckles, gently tracing over and feeling the ridges and bumps.
You notice some fallen bark and shine your flashlight on it. "Vinny, look there's some firewood over there!" You exclaimed and shined your flashlight elsewhere, looking around more until you had shined it directly on a tree right in front of you that was occupied by a scary looking arachnid, its front limbs moving in a sluggish and relaxed fashion.
You let out a startled yelp and out of instinct your fist went to swing at the spider who somehow successfully managed to not get hit in the nick of time. This also startled your boyfriend who looked worriedly at you, his eyes scanned over to see that you were.. Fine! But the tree you punched wasn't. It has a big dent in it while the flesh of wood was cracked and damaged severely around the impact along with many splinters.
"I'm so sorry Vincent! There was a spider and I got scared!"
He almost let out a breath of relief knowing it wasn't anything serious but he can't get his eyes and mind off the injured tree. Did you... seriously do that? He gently took your hand and examined it, it seemed perfectly fine except for redness, light bleeding and a couple splinters on your knuckles.
He slowly raised one of his hands, pointing towards the punched tree. 'Did you do that?' Is what's probably going through his head. You chuckled sheepishly and nodded in confirmation. He sighed. For now, he'll worry about your fist.
Does this interaction change how he treats you?... Kind of. He isn't too pushy as he was since he now knows how capable you are of handling yourself but there's still that feeling in him, something that gnaws at his inner core for him to help you. He wants to feel useful and to serve you in any way he can, so...please let him dote over you still..? (Of course you will, you can't say no to him.)
If you want to pick him up he'll entertain you, though he'll be extremely flustered and giddy about it. He likes this way more than he should (in his opinion). How comical is it? He's a large 6'1 grown man being carried princess style by his tiny s/o. Despite all this, he still hopes you need him as much as he needs you.
Thomas
Trust me when I saw it really took Thomas by surprise. He's a really big guy and you say this little thing is stronger than him? Oh please, humor him after dinner.
He's a busy man with a lot on his plate, and you seemingly looking like the most harmless person in the world doesn't help, he constantly feels like he has to tend to you and supervise you from a certain officer.
Will usually not allow you to help him when he's working, it depends. He feels guilty letting yourself get caught up with all this but if you insist he'll gladly accept the extra hand with honest gratitude. But generally- 'Back away honey, you might get dirty.' Is what he wishes he could say.
In his eyes you're a saint, an angel. Made perfectly to fit in the space between his thighs he's sitting down and there's no flaw in the way his large hands cups your cheeks with those pretty eyes of yours staring into his – no room for mistake or complain. You're adorable.
The first time he allowed you to help him you admire your handsome behemoth of a lover chopping wood. Appreciating the rolled up sleeved that gave you a good view of his arms, his muscles flexing as he brought the axe down – after he was done with the first small batch of logs you hurried to grab the others.
Tommy watched with amusement and adoration before shifting his weight to help you but stopped as you started walking towards him five logs resting effortlessly in your arms. It didn't even seem to faze you as if it was just you were only a bunch of baby ducks.
Tommy watched in silence as you laid them out on the table, still kind of processing it before nodding his head in gratitude and resuming to chopping them up. He'll bring this up later, maybe. For now he'll focus on getting his work done and spending more with you, and your soft words.
He doesn't really care if you're stronger than him or not, as long as you love him and don't try to run away it's all good. If you want he'll stop trying to do everything for you even though he knows you don't need any assistance – he's so used to working around the house he feels restless not doing anything at all.
If you want to carry him, do it. He's all yours but please do it in private he won't be able to handle the embarrassment if his family sees it. And although he prefers to be the dom he doesn't mind it if you wanna take charge every once in a while and throw him around.
Plus, it creates something pleasantly warm in his stomach.
Michael.
He thinks he's going insane. (He already has.)
He's Michael Myers, the most ruthless killer Illinois has ever seen for the past decades. And you're saying this small creature that he's inhabited has greater strength than him... Yeah, no.
And then he sees you picking up three bodies out of the house with your bare hands while cleaning up the evidence of his the murder he left, quietly observing you. He won't admit it but it kind of irks him. He's supposed to be the one with power in this relationship and quite frankly he doesn't know the true extent to your power.
He warms up to it eventually – although it's more of he doesn't give a fuck anymore. You're not completely weak and helpless? Great, he doesn't have to worry about you as much. Key word: as much. He still does worry a lot when you're out for long hours – he's not worried you're injured or in danger (not anymore) but more as in you're not leaving him, right? Or ratting him out to the police?
Do not ever attempt to pick him up or anything even remotely close to that unless you want a glare from those void, soul-less eye sockets of his mask Or if you want a love tap on the head and cheek. If you give him enough guilty smiles and let go of him he'll let you off the hook. if not, bear the consequences. (They don't even do anything anyways, lmao)
He feels so incredibly annoyed when you start treating him like a child, telling him to go sit down or lie down in bed after he pulled a few all nighters and the fact you successfully manage to pull him back into bed: God dammit, why the hell are you even so strong and you're so small!? Grumpily he does stay put but only if you're with him too.
A man feared by hundreds, if not thousands because of the sheer power and mercilessness he leaves in trails of every step he takes in public... And then there's you, you're half his size and you have more control over him than he'd like. He'd never kill you though, not intentionally, but that will also most likely not happen.
Speaking of killing, don't think he won't murder someone if they attempt to hurt you and gets their ass kicked by you anyways. You attack, he lands the finishing blow. Don't protest, he won't listen.
Billy n' Stu
They're both pretty lean so you can believe it, if not for your given figure. They both adore it, so who cares? Billy and Stu will, eventually.
It was in the heat of the moment, you tell yourself but you remember in vivid detail the day where you saw the bloody escaping victim running towards you – adrenaline pumping in your veins, your mind immediately went into fight mode and swung a fist at their skull. You remember the sickening crunch as blood slowly pooled from their fractured cranium when they lifelessly fell down to the floor.
They first helped you with the lingering guilt first before Stu started annoying you.
''Can you punch me like that next but with a bit less-''
"No!"
Alright, no worries but now he's asking you to lift him up to reach things that he does not need help on. Maybe even just carry him and run around the house. (Don't be fooled, he just wants to be carried around like a child again.) Fluttering his eyelids at you and holding up a jar of pickles. 'Y/n, I can't get this to open!' Yes he can.
Billy, although tries to act neutral but can't help but let his thoughts wander. 'Wow... Strong girl... Can choke me...' He thinks to himself as he watches you and Stu. Not as if he'd ever admit that. He pretends he's disinterested in getting in your arms - no, he just doesn't wanna embarrass himself. But if you persist he'll begrudgingly agree. He indeed liked it.
Stu obviously takes a positive reaction, he loves getting dominated. You can take that however you like. Billy on the other hand feels conflicted, if he's not stronger than you then how will he stop you if you try to leave them or plan to rat them out? Assuming this is during the beginning of your relationship. But overtime the more he takes a good look at your face those thoughts will slowly drown away, there's no way you would, right?
The slashers will probably swoon if you agree to help them place the bodies where they want them to, like hanging them in the trees or something.
Billy keeps it more lowkey. Preferring to keep you in his lap and rest his chin on top of your head. Stu takes your strength to his advantage. When he gets drunk he'll whine and ask you to carry him to bed, and take his socks off. Annoying fuck but you love him either way. And Billy too.
#bo sinclair#slasher x reader#bo sinclair x reader#vincent sinclair x reader#sinclair twins#slashers x reader#vincent sinclair#thomas hewitt x you#tcm thomas#thomas hewitt x reader#thomas hewitt#x reader#slasher x you#michael myers x reader#michael myers#billy loomis x y/n#billy loomis x reader#stu matcher x reader#stu macher#billy and stu
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