#still i have kinda but NOT at that deranged level

[aedesluminis]

In 1785, a young 22 years old Prieur-Duvernois was tasked by his cher maître (Guyton) to do some experiment to prove the expansion coefficient of some gases. As far as I understood, he failed because the recipient of the substance wasn't dry enough: some extremely tiny droplets of water were enough to compromise his measurements.

In 2018, a young 19 years old Aedes and her peers were tasked the same by our lab teacher. We failed compared to the other groups which managed to do it surprisingly well and I remember I felt extremely bad and stupid because I couldn't even figure out what the problem was. Later we discovered that our machinery was the issue: one of the tubes that linked the gas recipient with the thermometer was broken, making the wet air (it was winter) of the room mix with the gas. :' )

[sysig]

Me, looking at Charm: Mm, she’s not deranged enough Me, looking at [Purple Text]: Mm, they’re not deranged enough!

Ft. an old idea (Patreon)

[jay-works]

I saw this and wanted to read Neil's response.

Here's the rest of it:

Isn't it interesting how the framing of information changes how we feel about it? OP's post is about how annoying this kind of a response would be to receive about your own created work, so I understand why Neil's part isn't in it.

What interests me is OP cutting out the asker's sign-off. Without the signoff, the ask seems entitled and presumptuous. But with the signoff, my impression of it is closer to an AO3 comment reading 'you've murdered me and my entire family and I'm crying, please keep making more'.

And I also think it's interesting that Neil's response validates the asker's feelings and actions to watching S2.

I guess I typed all of this because it was a realtime lesson, for me, in how the framing of a subject influences our impression of it, and why it's important to seek a full picture if you're only getting a snippet of something. Especially if the snippet is provoking a strong emotional reaction.

Ok neil gaiman is annoying but in his defence if someone said this to me about something id written id instantly become the joker

[creamflix]

hi hello i came across ur account recently and jus wanna say i am OBSESSED ma. ur the actual coolest

anywaysss i also happened to see your christmas event, so i was wondering if i could req a gojo + mistletoe + naughty fic?

thank u sm!!

you’ve received a gift! ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ want your own gift? ・:〃➜ click here! 

nanami’s christmas party was supposed to be peaceful — a little too peaceful, if you were being honest. the warm hum of soft jazz carols, polite laughter, and the clink of wine glasses was enough to lull anyone into a festive daze. 

but you? you were on high alert.

why? because GOJO SATORU, your friend — well, kinda — was out for blood. 

or more accurately, out for a kiss.

“come oonnnn, it’s tradition!” he’d declared earlier, dangling a sprig of mistletoe in your face with the grin of a man who had no intention of playing fair.

“tradition my ass, satoru,” you snapped, sidestepping him. “stop harassing people with that thing.”

“people?” he gasped, clutching his chest dramatically. “you wound me. it’s just you, baby. you’re the target.”

and now, somewhere between the gingerbread cookies and nanami’s impeccable charcuterie board, gojo had taken things to a whole new level of absurdity. he’d taped mistletoe — actually taped it — to his iconic black glasses and was prowling around the party like some deranged holiday predator.

“get back here, you coward!”

you darted behind the christmas tree, stifling a laugh as gojo nearly tripped over a box of ornaments. 

“you look ridiculous,” you called out, catching a glimpse of him through the branches.

“ridiculous?” he echoed, mockingly aghast. “this is genius. nanami even complimented me.”

“he called you a menace.”

“same thing.”

you rolled your eyes, trying to slip away unnoticed, but of course, the man had reflexes sharper than a hawk’s.

“aha!” he exclaimed, spotting you as you rounded the couch.

“satoru, don’t you dare —”

too late. with a burst of speed that defied his lanky frame, he cut you off, pressing you into a corner. his towering form blocked your escape entirely, and his smug grin told you he knew it.

“gotcha,” he said, the mistletoe on his glasses dangling obnoxiously close to your face.

“you’re insufferable,” you hissed, your heart racing — though whether it was from exertion or the way his intense gaze pinned you in place, you weren’t sure.

“and yet,” he murmured, leaning closer, his voice dropping to a husky whisper, “you’re not running anymore.”

you opened your mouth to retort, but the words died on your lips as his hands braced the wall on either side of you. he was so close you could see the flecks of icy blue in his eyes behind the mistletoe.

“you’ve been driving me crazy all night,” he said, his tone low and rough, sending a shiver down your spine. “do you have any idea what you do to me?”

your breath hitched, the tension thick enough to drown in. “satoru,” you started, trying to regain some semblance of control, but he cut you off with a wry smirk.

“it’s tradition,” he murmured again, and before you could argue, his lips crashed into yours.

it wasn’t playful, like you’d expect — it was heated, overwhelming, and utterly consuming. his mouth moved against yours with a yearning that left you breathless, his tongue teasing yours in a way that sent sparks straight to your core.

your knees buckled slightly, but his hands were there instantly, gripping your hips to steady you as he pressed closer.

“damn, you taste better than the cookies,” he muttered against your lips, his voice breathless but teasing.

“you’re insane,” you managed to gasp, though your hands betrayed you by tangling in his hair, pulling him closer.

“and you love it,” he shot back, kissing you again with a fervor that left you dizzy.

when he finally pulled back, both of you breathless and flushed, he adjusted his glasses with a satisfied grin.

“merry christmas to me,” he quipped, tapping the broken piece of tape still clinging to the mistletoe on his glasses.

you shoved his chest playfully, trying to ignore the way your heart was still racing. 

“you’re unbelievable.”

“and yet, you kissed me back,” he pointed out, his grin widening.

“shut up.”

“make me.”

produced by creamflix on tumblr. all rights reserved. do not copy, steal, modify, repost — support your writers by liking and reblogging. ♡

[brittle-doughie]

Since you responded to my Pf hcs time for Lover!

Hollyberry Cookie (Mania)

Appearance wise, looks almost practically the same maybe some clothing tears and mayyyybe more armor for resistance in fights

Personality wise, ya she's a more cracked out version of princess cupcake cookie (that's the oc right?)

Becoming basically addicted to foods, fights or fiestas. She now requires a kingdom size of this to satiate her desires (and even then that's still not enough!)

She most likely overthrew the royal family, even kicking her son from the throne to become ruler of Hollyberry kingdom and probably sent them to prison, regulating? Bah! Don't think about that and drink off the day as much as you can!

Very likely that she might've killed some of her citizens or atleast nearly killed pitaya dragon cookie because she wants to fight but overdid it and nearly let them to bleed to death... But heyyyy they got doctors in the kingdom so they'll be fine!

Very crazy for you! Will not hesitate to kill everyone even her former bodyguard (Now Captain of the cookie knights of the Cookie kingdom, traitor!) if it means she can have herself!

Unlikely scenario but I have a feeling she wants to replace her shield to various types of weapons, mainly because she likes swinging around sword n shit and a shield is lame!

The Lover of Passion HCs (Beast Hollyberry Cookie) | The Ancient Beast Order AU

For this, it would be a vibe between @/cuppajj’s Dragonberry Cookie and Tea Knight Cookie, except replacing the dragon element of the former and the more armored look of the latter. Except, within the helmet’s visor, you can see the Lover’s deranged, driven mad eyes…

Kinda, a mix of that and her original personality, but leaning more on the laidback side. She drinks and partakes in her own vices with no sense of control. It’s only when she spots the object of her passion at the moment is when the manic side of her kicks in.

A battle, juice, or even of romantic interest, she chases after it with the same level of insane passion. She wants her kingdom to pursue their own desires without any limits or barriers stopping that. A kingdom without control would be chaos, but the kingdom flourished as a result too.

Her intense passion for battle nearly costed the life of Pitaya Dragon Cookie, who has since retreated to the Dragon’s Valley. The kingdom’s medical staff can handle the cookies that get sent there because of her desires for battle, and if they perish, well they just didn’t have it in them anyway.

Wildberry Cookie has joined your ranks in a bid to stop the Lover from spreading her overindulgence on chaos around all of Earthbread. The Lover would give him the time of day, if not for the fact that she already has YOU in her sights. If the Lover is passionate about something, she’s doing EVERYTHING she can to get to it..

Her shield still remains her as her primary weapon, but she’s open to others if it means cutting through her opponents much faster, the fire in her heart remaining strong as so!

[hotvintagepoll]

Marius Goring (A Matter of Life and Death)—as a murdered french aristocrat doing business for heaven in A Matter of Life and Death, he’s channeling Lestat if Lestat were dressed entirely in party city bargain bin items, played by Lumiere from beauty and the beast, and drenched in cheese. Goring could not have done a worse job and I love him for it.

Dwight Frye (Dracula, Frankenstein)—he's my babygirl please please please please please i want to baby bird feed him flies and spiders and pick him up and make glitter edits of him and give him gross forehead kisses like he's my cat. in dracula he was so incredibly creepy that he was typecast as madmen for the rest of his life and he fucking hated it but by god if he didn't do a fantastic job. he steals the show every time he's up on screen just because he's so fucking deranged. i need him

This is round 2 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you're confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Marius Goring:

Dwight Frye:

He absolutely owns the entirety of Dracula (1931). Compared to the novel, his part is massively expanded and it's clear why. He's magnetically unhinged and his facial expressions are pure scrungle. And in Frankenstein, he begins the archetype of Frankenstein's assistant even if the character's name there is Fritz. He'd still go on to play other scrungly guys in later Frankenstein movies. But he's kinda the archetypal and progenitor of the scrungly lil guy. The scrungliest guy ever to scrungle. He's pretty much the blueprint for every mad scientist's assistant, and he's the best part of every movie he's in. He manages to make you feel sorry for the creepy little dudes, even when he's eating spiders and crawling across the floor. [editor's note: content warning for the "hunchback" stereotype and "madness" in the clips below]the "Rats" soliloquy:

I saw him in Dracula and frankly he has me bewitched. I could watch him do his silly routine forever. The gay tension with Bela Lugosi onscreen was frankly unparalleled. Kirk and Spock levels. I am chewing on the furniture

Played the weirdo little guy in Dracula AND the weirdo little guy in Frankenstein in the same year. Iconic.

The scrungles to end all scrungles! There's a reason why this man codified the manic vampire's familiar and the hunchbacked lab assistant for generations, because by God can this man be feral and scrungly: Whether he's soliloquizing about rats as Renfield, scurrying around Frankenstein's lab like a spider as Fritz, or skulking around dark alleys (and scaring the hell out of little baby me) waiting for a fresh heart to steal as Karl, if you want a scrungly little man for your classic film, Dwight Frye is your man. He has the range to play varying kinds of scrungle, with his wide eyes, his manic smiles, his soft, breathy voice, he is truly an undisputed scrungle master.

I honestly think it would be a crime to ignore Dwight Frye's scrungle factor. He played two of the prototypical creepy little henchman as Dracula's lackey Renfield and Dr. Frankenstein's hunchback servant Fritz, and I believe that his excellence in these roles absolutely shaped the future character tropes of the "Igor" type as much as Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff shaped the future understanding of Dracula and Frankenstein's monster. He's got it all from the looks, to the manic energy, to the crazed laugh, I'm telling you right now that I think he could win the entire tournament.

[wistfulrat]

・❥・lesbian wangxian reccs ・❥・

ao3topships poll gate made me realize there are hundreds nay thousands of u who dont know abt lesbian wangxian ?? that’s so sad can i proselytize u real quick

mimilamp cinematic universe (the ppl’s mcu) sorry for starting this list with a whole author catalog. as if it's my fault!! these gave me covid. no listen mimilamp fics have feverish lesbian angst levels of hot horny despair that could paralyze a large forest animal. and on a sentence level it's just stunning. messy dykes fumbling toward love confessions while making emotionally insane choices and the sex scenes fuckn bang ??? god is real

good, good - 13.5k E Wei Ying has two broken wrists and now she needs Lan Zhan to help her do stuff (jerk off)

here’s a story - 46k E Wei Ying reluctantly joins her recently-dumped best friend, Lan Zhan, on a couples' holiday retreat. Snow! Drinks! Truth or dare! There's a s-s-s-single bed! You'll never guess what happens next.

out of your system - 20k E “Maybe you should get me out of your system,” Wei Ying blurts. “Maybe that’ll help.” // Wei Ying finds out her best friend Lan Zhan is in love with her and offers a really super solution.

exposure therapy - 14k E Wei Ying clambered up from the floor, put the joint on the corner of the night stand, announced, “Exposure therapy,” and got into Lan Zhan’s bed. // Lan Zhan doesn't like to be touched, Wei Ying likes to touch.

know no one else - 20k E Lan Zhan moves out, Wei Ying's boyfriend moves in. Six months later, Lan Zhan visits, they go to a party, and Wei Ying has something to tell her.

74243 this author should be studied in a lab bc these 2 fics ruined my life. a pulitzer prize short fic with immaculate tone followed by the fuck nastiest shit you will ever read. "wei ying swipes right" still a top 3 bar of all time re: fic summaries. like people died.

chef’s kiss - 6.5k E Wei Ying said, “You know, in some ways I’m kind of depressed. I took your biggest dick on my first try. Now I don’t have anything to build up to.” “There are bigger ones available,” Lan Zhan said lazily. “I can pay for express shipping.” // (Lan Zhan works the late shift.)

pull out game weak - 22.7k E Wei Ying swipes right.

plonk this is the only fic in many ways. dyke nmj's mustache academy award winning breakout role. possessive hot dyke lwj. the sentence "don't knot her you freak." have u ever seen a group chat get rabies in real time. the slut rot breached containment. it was a public health crisis. it brought back horny cinema. cultural reset.

good friends - 11.5k E “I could invite her over for when the game’s done,” Nie Mingjue offers. Lan Zhan hums, considering it. They do that sometimes. Take omegas down together.

occultings will i ever get tired of -wwx thinks she's straight and wants to practice being gay with sadsack lwj who is like sure im in love with u and this will cause me psychic damage but mayhaps that's the cost of being homiesexual--? no i dont get tired of the classics it's called taste

give me one good honest kiss - 25k E The text keeps flashing over and over in Lan Zhan's head like the bulb lights on a marquee. They’d been talking about homework directly before that, swapping notes on music theory in the baroque period. Then, like a fork of lightning out of a clear blue sky: wanna practice kissing? 😚 // Wei Ying suggests an arrangement. Lan Zhan, in love, deals.

saltyfeathers ok so like sure it's ill advised to get your cartilage pierced at claire's but if you wanted the experience of participating in deranged hysteric behavior that kinda bangs in a badgood way? well then.

the mall that has it all - 8k E She introduced herself in the food court, breathless after sprinting across it in Lan Zhan’s direction and vaulting over a table only to crash into the seat across from her, ask, “Can I have a sip?”, spring forward with both elbows on the table to wrap her burgundy lips around Lan Zhan’s smoothie straw, wrinkle her nose, and say, “What is that, kale? Not really my thing, as like, a mall goth. Oh!” A pleased, chaotic exhale. “My name’s Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said, after taking a moment to fully process the last forty-five seconds, “What?” or; mall goth au

[codacheetah]

AGREE WITH YOUR PREVIOUS POST. I like mean Loop as a facade only, but we know they still care and love...

Now I have a question, what's your favorite Loop takes/headcanon

Oh my god I'm so sorry I took like two weeks to answer this one I prommy it's not bc I'm exclusively a hater or whatever. I just straight up forgot to answer Oopsie. I'm putting this under cut bc it got long enough that you all would shoot arrows at me for putting it on your dash

Anyways there's a lot of Loop Thangs I like frankly. A big one that I enjoy is when fic authors in postcanon make the transition of Loop into the party structure kind of rocky. Usually bc Loop's neuroses creating a level 12 psychic barrier between them and the party + the inherent awkwardness of meeting somebody who's apparently super close in a way (that you'll never fully understand) to one of your friends. Who let's be real I feel like half the party (coughIsabeauandMirabelle) would catch the aura of "oh they do not like us at all" from Loop. I want Loop to be happy and with their family but you just know this bitch is going to make it as difficult for themself on purpose. The Siffrin Special.

I also just generally like when they keep Loop as a star postcanon. I'm not at all a hater towards Human Loop (in fact I think it can be itself an interesting setup for a Loop fic) but I do like Loop as a star more thematically. Something about having to accept that things have changed and moving on from it regardless. Also bc Loop being dysphoric about their body scratches a very transgender projection itch in my brain Yessss little star you're stuck in a body that draws unwanted attention and which you have no control over how it looks and functions in a way that feels fundamentally wrong to you. (Pointing at canonically transgender character) Yooooo this guy is such a cool trans allegory omg

Hmm what else. This is more of a sloops thing but I always enjoy in fics when they lean into the fact it's selfcest frankly. I've become a selfcest enjoyer bc of this ship I'll never get over that act 5 dialogue abt the cautionary tale where Siffrin says he never understood the moral of the story bc the idea of having somebody just like him who understands him. Oh my gyoooooooooooooooood. I want them to melt into sludge I'm always thinking of that analogy from superflyghtheart on discord comparing Loop and Siffrin to endlings of an endangered species. 💥💥💥It's like. This is less sloopy now but I'm caught between the intersection in my head of "Loop would probably benefit from developing their own identity as a person separate from Siffrin bc they need Something they have control over" and "Loop is of the Siffrin Species and they are significantly too sentimental to let go of the shreds of what they used to have, especially after having lost all of it once already". Both of these things are yummy as fuck when ppl smarter than me explore them and they're kinda the main Story Paths for postcanon Loop anyways so I'm always winning. So like idk tldr I like it both when ppl have Loop diverge a lot as a person and when they have Loop try their best to stay as much of a Siffrin as possible!

I'm limiting myself to four paragraphs so you don't all want to hit me with hammers but I do have Loop Biology Headcanons. I've explained mythoughts on their guts before and don't feel like recounting them but whatever True #codacheetahwarriors remember my deranged rambling. ANYWAYS I kind of mentally run on the assumption of Loop's body as like. The Universe couldn't keep Loop in Siffrin's body, bc they needed Siffrin to be in it (and I guess a system situation introduces too many factors of its own? idk). The Universe operates with the goal of fulfilling wishes with the least intervention possible, so The Universe makes a body out of cheap inorganic material (star-scrap basically). Miniature star for a head fueling the body with Craft energy (I'm not going to get into my conspiracy that all Craft is the same here). Molds the star scrap into a vaguely Siffrin-shaped/sized vessel and plonks Loop's conscious into it and calls it a day. So Loop's body as a poor simulacrum of a human body is like. They're capable of breathing but they only really benefit from doing it on a psychological level. They can't eat or drink and don't have a mouth because it would require a significant level of added effort to make a digestive system, when they can just derive energy from their star. They don't have reproductive organs because they're not made from organic material anymore anyways. They don't need to sleep bc their body never gets tired but they still do it because it's not really a great idea to leave your brain on running for too long anyways.

I fucking lied I'm on paragraph five bc the block of text is annoying me. To continue that's all a preface to say I think it's super fun when Loop has body functions that are weird and unpredictable. Their little frizzles on their body are reactive to their emotions the same way their headstar is, and feel like static if you touch them. Their head has a vague boundary so their eyes have something to be rooted to but the function by which their optic nerves work is unclear to everybody including themself. They glow based on intensity of emotion and the temperature of their star changes via specific mood. Bc I think it would be fun if the battlefield in twohats when from ice cold to boiling hot frankly. Ok these are all just my headcanons (temperature one very loose though I'm not a hard subscriber to it) but they're not uniquely mine it's just examples of what I mean. One I don't have as a personal headcanon but I do enjoy is when Loop feels the same physical sensations as Siffrin bc it's funny and I like inflicting misery on the star.

I'm going to shut up now like actually . Loop for your troubles

[moochalove]

The Spiders Catch (Pt.2)

Arlechinno x Fem!Reader

Not proofread!!

♡ More fluffy than I would have liked 😓

♡ Slight Yandere themes if you squint…

♡ Columbina is kinda deranged

It feels like your whole body is sore when you awake. You try to shift around but a hand is placed on your shoulder firmly.

“Not so fast. You’re still recovering.”

Your heart skips a beat when that cold firm voice reaches your ear. Though the voice urges you to not move, you do anyways. Your eyes scan the not so familiar room.

Upon realizing this isn’t the infirmary you’ve grown accustomed to, you let out a relieved sigh. It seems the Knave was telling the truth. You are to be the “Mother” of the house.

You haven’t the slightest idea how to be loving and caring towards children... But now it seems you don’t have the freedom to decline Arlechinno’s offer, so you’ll just have to learn along the way.

“You’re nervous. I can see it in your eyes. I thought I made it clear: you will be safe as long as you remain here with me. Perhaps you do not trust my word-“

“It’s not that,” your flushed face scrunches slightly, “It’s just that I’m not sure how to do this. How to be a mother figure. All my life I’ve been taken care of I-“

“So surely you know your limits. How much love is necessary, and when it’s considered suffocating. I hope you know I saugt after you specifically, I believe you’re the best candidate for this.” 

“So you’ve thought about this….?”

“Ahem,” Before Arlechinno could respond a child (who had been listening whilst leaning on the door) fell through the now-open door.

“Decided to finally reveal yourself, little magician?”

Looking down you see a young boy, probably about to enter about to enter his tween/teen years. His eyes are a striking violet color, and his hair is a dull blonde color.

Faster than you can blink, another figure enters a frame. This time a girl. Though she has cat-like features, she looks a lot like the boy on the ground, though her violet eyes are much sharper. She simply looks at the boy on the floor before looking at her “Father” and then you.

“Ah, and here comes your little assistant. I suppose Freminet is not too far behind?”

Once the boy picked himself up with an apologetic smile, another one entered the room. His freckled-kissed face seemed to slightly churn when he laid his eyes on you. Quickly he hid behind the girl and boy, barely peeking out to study your face.

It took a second for you to put two and two together. If you think hard, he was the boy who offered you those flowers! To think someone as innocent and timid-looking as this child managed to pull that stunt off effortlessly.

But then again, it’s not like his actions weren’t unnatural…

You weren’t looking at Arlechinno directly, but you could definitely feel her harsh gaze on you. Likely to see your reaction to Freminet’s presence. You flashed the kids the kindest smile you could muster at that moment before turning upright to properly introduce yourself.

Before you could even get a word out Arlechinno began to speak, “Children, remember how I told you you’d be getting a “Mother” soon? This is her. Please, I expect you to treat her with the same level of respect you treat me.” Immediately you notice how they stiffen up very slightly.

You weren’t sure how to refer to her. Should you have called her by her harbinger name? Maybe just “Father”? No, that doesn’t sound right! You don’t even know her real name!! Well- you’re to be their “Mother” so why not make it feel real….?

You did a little prayer before you opened your mouth to speak,

“Sweetheart, it’s okay, i’m sure they understand very well of my position here.”

All of them stood there shocked.

The boy with violet eyes let out a little snicker before turning towards the two, then ushering them out with a sly smile.

Again, you were alone with Arlechinno.

“U-um… was that not the right……”

“-No, it’s quite alright, really.”

“Oh, um… okay….” You could feel yourself growing smaller under her sharp gaze. You couldn’t tell if she was enjoying the sight of you nervously twiddling your thumb, or if she was upset. You didn’t have the guts to turn and look at her in the eye.

“Though, I suppose I thought it would take you a little longer to warm up to me, my love.”

Haha, that means you get to live, right?

Did the room suddenly get smaller….?

“I shall get the rest of the children seated in the main room. Once you’re ready, come introduce yourself to them. They’ve been eagerly waiting your arrival.”

“Of course. I’ll be there shortly.”

.

.

.

Once Columbina returned home she immediately went to your room to seek entertainment. Though when she finished checking every corner of the room, and couldn’t find you. She simply thought her fellow Harbinger had you with her. So she went to her, and when she also didn’t have you in her presence she wondered to herself: “Perhaps my little dove is playing a trick on me. Ooh, this shall be fun!”

But when a couple of weeks had passed and no one had returned to her with you in hand, she began to worry. Tracking you should be nothing for her. Yet when she couldn’t find you, when no one could find you, she was truly worried. It’s almost as if there had been a veil of obscurity surrounding you. Had someone taken you away? Oh, what if you were hurt?

Columbina sang for no one. Her angelic voice echoed throughout empty halls. For days she would wait for her envoys to bring her back news- news that they had found you. But to no avail. She was no longer worried, she began to grow upset. Who had the nerve to clip her prettiest doves wings? Who could have known that was how she was linked to you?

It wasn’t long before she narrowed it down to one of her fellow harbingers. Perhaps one of them held a grudge against her?

The Knave.

If anyone would know something it would be the Knave. She’s always been trying to sink her fangs into you. Yes, it has to be her.

The Damsolette knows in her “warm” heart that she’s right, she just can’t believe you would let that damned Knave tempt you. She just needed to sink her own fangs into that wretched spider before she could tear you free from her webs.

She sat there, alone, softly humming a tune to herself with the gentlest smile on her face.

From a distance, The Fair Lady could only watch the Damsolette quickly lose her grip on everything. Signora- being the lady she is- sort of had an idea of what you did. However, she isn’t one to spoil the fun for everyone (especially one she sees as her daughter.) If she was somehow able to get ahold of you before the little lady is able to- she’ll help you in any way possible. Even if it means she has to let you go.

.

.

.

After you introduced yourself to all the children, you were drained. To think so many children who come from broken homes could still have the heart to love. They may have their own little quirks, but their hearts are in the right places.

Arlechinno pulled you away from your thoughts when she slyly wrapped her arm around your waist.

“You’re thinking too hard. Don’t worry, they love you already.”

“You really think so? I barely did anything…”

“Of course. As their “Father”, I always know what they are feeling and thinking. Eventually, you will too. It pains me to leave you, but I must get back to work.”

“Oh, and by the way, I’m almost done getting you what you need. As part of our deal of course.”

“Thank you. I promise to work hard to keep our family full of love and compassion.” A relaxed smile crept into your lips as you felt your posture relax slightly.

Once she realized you from her cold grasp, she headed towards the door,

“I do hope you enjoy your stat here at the our lovely house. After all, it’s permanent.”

[johnslittlespoon]

I'm nervousss, new to tumblr and this is my first interaction on here :{

I just love your writing sm btw and your characterization has taken over canon for me! dogcoded bucky for president okokk so im thinking from the "smut phrase/action prompt" list, buckbucky went out drinking, bucky and curt got rowdy and there was a fight, tensions are high gale's patience is wearing thin. soo drunk bucky got hurt and is trying to come to terms with his masochism. gale is patching him up and bucky is losing his mind. bucky is just staring slack mouthed as gale kinda reprimands and manhandles him around without asking. gale notices him going quiet and decides to tease him sorta as punishment. "spread your legs baby, thats it.. wider." and bucky is just gone with the pain, praise and humiliation. ok i have to go study but i hope you like the ask!

prompts | omg hello and welcome!! no need to be nervous i promiseeee, we're all equally deranged pals here >:) i'm so glad you made this your first interaction bc i LOVE this prompt/idea aaaasjdkg and thank u sm?! <333 dog coded bucky is everything to me :')) this got pretty long so i didn't set up much context past what you already wrote, but i hope this is what you had in mind! x

“Sit.”

John’s head spins as Gale eases him onto the edge of his bed, body aching in protest. He decides, as he often does when the aftermath of his actions catches up to him, that the extra glass of whiskey and the previously–exciting fighting words had not been worth it.

“Head hurts,” he grumbles, and Gale glances down at him as moves to stand between his knees with a medkit, looking wholly unimpressed.

“I wonder why,” he says dryly, firmly pushing John’s hand away when he bats at Gale’s in an attempt to delay the inevitable sting of antiseptic. 

“Don���t need that.” John tries to pull away instead, but Gale’s hand finds the back of his head and pushes him forward with an exasperated sigh, and it’s clear he’s at his limit with his antics.

John likes caring, soft Gale, but this Gale? The one that snaps at him and pulls him around and takes control? It does something to him. And he’s sure it has something to do with his masochistic tendencies and his inclination to self–sabotage, but regardless of the reason, it has him squirming under Gale’s hands, further irritating him.

“Bucky–” Gale shakes his head and grabs his jaw, leaning in closer as he dabs at where the bridge of his nose had been split open by a mean right hook. He can’t help the way his face scrunches up at the sting, digging his fingers into Gale’s forearm but not daring to push him away.

“Fuck,” he hisses. It hurts in a really, really good way.

“Stay still,” Gale murmurs, gripping his jaw tighter, and a quiet whine climbs up John’s throat, feeling the dabs of the cotton pause for just a moment before Gale continues on.

The bruising ache, the firm hand on his face, the close proximity, and Gale’s flat commands are making his skin itch, heat rising to the surface as his mouth goes a little dry. He instinctively closes his legs around Gale’s sides to stop him from getting close enough when he goes to observe the deeper split above his brow, and Gale pulls back, levelling him with an irritated stare.

“John,” he says sternly, and he can’t help the way his face flushes, lips parting as he stares back. The corner of Gale’s mouth twitches, and something shifts in his expression, and John flinches when his hands find his knees, squeezing firmly.

“Something wrong?” The tone of Gale’s voice is different, a veiled challenge behind flat words, and John can only shake his head.

“No?” Gale tilts his head, letting his palms slowly creep up past his knees, holding John’s gaze. He can feel his pants growing tighter around his front, and it’s getting hard to keep his eyelids from drooping as he stares up.

Gale nods to himself, sliding his hands to the insides of his thighs, applying a little pressure.

“Why don’t you spread your legs for me then, baby?” He murmurs, and John’s cock twitches in his pants, the tips of his ears burning. He parts his legs easily when Gale slides his hands further up, pliant under his touch, gaze jumping from Gale’s lips to his hands and back up to his eyes.

“That’s it, good job,” Gale purrs mockingly, shuffling closer, the tone of his voice steely despite his praise. His fingertips brush against the crook where John’s thighs meet his hips, and a breathy noise escapes his lips, and Gale smiles dangerously, leaning down close enough that their lips almost touch when he speaks again.

“Wider, doll.”

John complies, breath catching in his throat when Gale closes the distance between them, the press of his body against his front as he reaches for the gauze enough to have his hips twitching forward involuntarily.

“That all it takes, John?” Gale asks as he leans in, getting to work cleaning away the dried blood above his brow. John barely flinches, too busy swallowing down an embarrassing groan, eyes locked onto Gale’s face.

“A simple instruction and you’re this worked up, hm?” The drag of the gauze stings, but John’s hands are on Gale’s hips and Gale hasn’t told him off and he doesn’t want to move and jeopardize that.

“Be good and stay still for me, and I’ll see what I can do about that,” Gale presses his thigh down to punctuate his bribe, and John’s mouth goes slack, a moan rumbling low in his chest. He’s certain Gale can feel how hard he is just from a few teasing comments, and his face is hot with embarrassment, yet he still can’t stop himself from rocking his hips forward into Gale’s thigh, whining when the friction drags just right.

“Makin’ such sweet sounds with that pretty mouth of yours,” Gale hums, smoothing out a bandage over his brow. “Maybe we can put it to use, too, if you behave.”

John thinks Gale may very well be the reason he goes insane one day, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[superm4ks]

gentlequeers a short look into Johnny Herbert lmfao

This herb mf fascinastes me because he’s clearly besotted wid Verstappen on some old school level due to his driving and his general verstappen-ness but he can’t fucking get over that giant fucking chip on his shoulder that max 1) owes him nothing 2) isn’t British 3) prolly not particularly fond of him either.

Like every Max fan who heard about FIA giving max community service for swearing collectively turned to a camera like in fleabag to be like 😐 ‘Herbert was in that room’ it wasn’t even a meme it was just like. Of course he was .

And even in the statements he’s putting out defending that insane fucking decision hes still doing the usual Herbert ‘hot and cold’ shit wid Max like this is FROM his justification on the extreme nature of the punishment:

“That (swearing?) showed Max's rebellious streak. I love that side of him, it is what makes Max, his honest and outspoken character.”

This shit sends me out the stratosphere bro like he’s a FAN he a fan he fan he’s just fucking so British he can’t fucking function wid an shooter like Max that won’t ever put the Union Jack around his shoulders and tap dance for his side of the pond.

Same in Austria. Just an example . U go to Austria (hold my hand. Baby we must) where he was 1 of the stewards responsible for Max’s 10 second penalty in that contact against lando ((while coincidentally haha, not penalizing lando for going over track limits like 49 times before they had contact, then when he finally did he considered that time served post race and Lando never dealt wid those consequences during the race. Just wanted to . Say that 🫶🏽.)) but yeah this is was a penalty that was applied immediately without doubt and where the burden of responsibility regarding the crash was placed 100% on Max. About this decision Herbert said, freely, sober i assume, I swear I’m not making this up,

“That intimidation is something that Lewis [Hamilton], Michael Schumacher and Ayrton Senna have always done. When you come up against Max as he is driving today, there’s a point if you’re Lando that you have to say: ‘I am here. I am at your side. You are trying to squeeze me off the circuit. And I am not going to move.’

“Lando did the right thing. He did not move. He did not have to. Some people said he could have moved. But that is not how you beat Max or how you win the Grand Prix.”

So while the burden of contact falls 100% on Max and he MUST be punished for racing hard, Lando is doing the ‘right thing’ racing him hard to the point of contact and nearly taking them both out, because it means there was a chance of beating Max. Do you see how brazenly fucking biased that is? How one drivers hard racing must be stopped but another’s is to be celebrated and encouraged? I’ve talked Austria and the literal unhinged witch hunt that followed not just from fans but mclarens top bitches and the media in general at length before. And how it got so fucking bad drivers old, retired and very much active had to come out the woodwork like ayo y’all being weird now fr lmfao WTF is going on ((It was beautiful tho.))

I think Johnny .. like Nando once put it, kinda, paraphrasing 😭 became a cop because he cud not win a title. He was a good driver too, he won races, he’s one of the few loud voices in that room that has the credibility to back up his stewarding calls. But that doesn’t mean he’s objective, or even normal, when it comes to Max. In a sport that employs Ted kravitz and is proud of it Herbert might be the most deranged fucking person under contract rn. And as a max fan yk I have to respect the nerve . The commitment . But I’ll never respect the man, as f1 fan, not even as a max fan. And I think part of what’s pushed his decisions towards the extreme this past few years is that he knows that too. He knows , like the aftermath of Austria showed, like the whole circus in Singapore put on BLAST and made a fucking mockery of not just his lilly ass but the whole FIA, that Max doesn’t need or care for his approval. Max has his flowers. Herb just a cop wid a laminated card . And good for him yk. Keep fighting the good fight brother . Maybe you’ll get him one day

[overleftdown]

deranged post-canon farleigh speculation

so. archie madekwe said something that makes me question a lot of the other post-canon speculation (often quickstart dynamic post-canon fics, speculation, etc.). Basically, he was talking about how tired Farleigh was getting, in the point in time that the movie is set. This is depicted through his confrontation with Felix, which Archie confirmed was the first conversation Farleigh has had with the cattons about the issue of bias.

a review by hilton als briefly touched on farleigh's possible future, as well. it was a very negative and... honestly understandable idea of what farleigh would grow up to become. aka, someone who exploited and tokenized their race for "brownie points," pun not intended. i see a lot of people crafting stories of farleigh finding different ways to rejoin the ultra-rich class. and i kinda wanna say that i... don't like that. here's an anecdote: my cousin and i had a conversation about his experience moving from a white-dominated, suburban environment. he argues that although racism is still prevalent where he now lives, the racism he experienced in his hometown was so painfully, covertly delivered. it's this sort of "could you just call me a slur or something" mentality.

although farleigh is terrified of change, although farleigh is terrified of losing what he believes is an accommodation for his marginalization (it isn't; you can't buy your way out of racism), although farleigh learned to be materialistic through the ways in which he was raised, although farleigh is constantly running away from something--i think he was reaching a point of genuine hatred for the ways in which racism is delivered to him in this environment. i would also go insane. so freakishly insane. i think his conversation with felix made him understand that maybe the cattons will never even try to change. that the cattons couldn't even acknowledge the problem in the first place. that you can't really win, with people like the cattons. it's always a game of when, and never if. when will they finally, politely discard me?

this leaves a couple options. the first, farleigh learns to be financially independent and very much successful. he would never rely on other people again, especially not white people. this leaves room for hilton als' interpretation, but the fact that farleigh was cognizant of and willing to mention racial bias to felix is evidence for me to assume that farleigh is beyond belittling himself like that. farleigh already experienced so much shame from catering towards the cattons and their whiteness... i don't think he'd keep going with that. not with the way it ended. not after he had the horrible wake-up call that was both his cousins dying. so, maybe farleigh does find his way back to wealth. maybe through fashion, through modeling like his mother, through another form of art, through business, whatever.

the other option is that farleigh just... doesn't acquire that level or even close to that level of wealth again. i kinda like this idea. i kinda like imagining farleigh in a city flat or smaller suburban house, finding a significant other and probably never ever having kids. that, of course, still leaves room for farleigh to go and brutalize oliver out of saltburn. but i'd like to think he wouldn't take saltburn back. as i've said before, farleigh was never greedy. he never wanted to replace or succeed the cattons, nor did he want any form of dominance over them. to be their equal, yes. to be seen and heard and given attention, yes. but never did he play his games to knock felix or venetia down. i feel like farleigh would be the "eat the rich" that saltburn didn't have. not in the corny way, because farleigh is no robin hood, nor is he an innocent and selfless person.

my ideal "sequel" type situation would be farleigh returning to saltburn after living comfortably and humbly for the last 20 years. he's not here out of moral obligation. he's not here to steal back the catton wealth. he's here selfishly, and out of burning hatred. he's here because oliver stole any sense of closure farleigh could've ever had. he's here because oliver never gave farleigh the opportunity to forgive his family, nor to mourn them, nor to visit those memories, nor to make new ones. farleigh is here to wreck oliver's shit. it's not healthy, it's not pretty, it's not clean. i'd imagine 40-year-old farleigh, having matured, returning to saltburn and regressing to the same games he always used to play. lying, people pleasing, pretending, sex, drugs, sass, etc. ahhh. my ideal sequel. a man who found peace without closure and finds closure through a significant lack of peace. and, also, oliver dead as hell.

[ryttu3k]

You may have answered this already but, what VTM clans would you asign to the dracula polycule?

Ohh, great question! Let's see!

I think for the sake of a more thorough analysis, I'm actually going to ignore VtM canon, since Dracula actually is a canon character who encouraged Bram Stoker to write a fictionalised version of his adventures. He has a signed first edition copy that Beckett sees. It's kinda hilarious.

In VtM canon, he's the 5th generation childe of Lambach Ruthven and has a host of disciplines at very high levels (seriously - Animalism 6, Auspex 5, Celerity 4, Dominate 5, Fortitude 5, Koldunic Sorcery 5 (with Earth, Fire, and Spirit all at 5), Potence 5, Protean 4, and Vicissitude 5). Hilariously, this means he actually doesn't have Mist Form, since that's Protean 5. Lucy and Mina are/were Tzimisce as well (Lucy dies, Mina survives to modern nights), Renfield was a ghoul. But let's adapt straight from the novel instead!

Dracula: I mean, obviously he's still Tzimisce, the clan is literally based on him. If we're just going off the novel, I see him more as Old Clan, the archetypal Voivode (also literally Voivode, that was Vlad Țepeș' literal title, he was Voivode of Wallachia - hilariously, he had no association with Transylvania other than being born in Sighișoara up until Stoker's book). He has the soil association, he clearly has Auspex and Animalism, and I feel he uses Dominate a fair bit, especially in the context of memory erasure, luring Lucy, et cetera. He also shows clear signs of Protean (Shape of the Beast bat and wolf forms, Mist Form), but, notably, not Vicissitude proper, and some alternate magical abilities, especially weather/fog manipulation, which can tie in with Koldunic sorcery, especially Way of Wind. So, a straight adaptation would be Old Clan Tzimisce with Koldunic sorcery and Protean. He also has the Folkloric Bane flaw where he takes agg damage from running water, and we'll ignore the sunlight thing XD;;

Jonathan: If we're directly adapting from the novel, then Dracula is the one who Embraces Jonathan, Mina, and Lucy. By default, that makes them all Tzimisce. Using my homebrew because I have no shame, his bane and connection to Home would be to Mina (yeah, he was having a rough time until their reunion). I do think Tzimisce could work well for him, he's a fairly fluid character and exemplifies Change more than any other character in the novel. Even if he was Embraced as technically Old Clan, I like the idea of spontaneous emergence of Vicissitude - and lo, a sudden change of hair colour!

Mina: Also Tzimisce; again, it's a fairly good fit. She and Jonathan share a mutual blood bond, too. Her Home is Jonathan, but she also has a secondary connection to trains and railways, and can avoid the aggravated Willpower damage by riding the rails. She would fit it well as well; like Jonathan, she's a fluid, adaptable character.

Lucy: Poor, poor Lucy! Definitely Embraced as Tzimisce, definitely not a great fit. I feel she'd be a much more natural fit for Toreador, with a love for beauty and a strong connection to humanity and people. She just wants to spend time with her coterie ;_;

Jack: Okay, two options here. One is Malkavian, often found in mental health settings - I'm thinking of Richard Dunham here specifically, but also Netchurch (even if the latter is more focused on physiology). He'd have a more subtle derangement, I think - possible OCD, definitely depression. The other option is Tremere, and I think that might be the better fit. He likes an Experiment. He would have so much fun with Thaumaturgy :D (Slightly terrified :D !)

Arthur: Man's one of the few valid Ventrue. Nobility? Check. Money? Check. He's quite aware of his privilege and considers it an honour and a duty to look after his coterie, even if he recognises that, lbr, Mina is really the one running the show. Also has out-of-clan Animalism so he can chat to his dogs, thanks to…

Quincey: Gangrel! Like yes he is absolutely playing up the Cowboy Thing to make Lucy smile so that could be a Toreador thing, but he does genuinely still fit it even after her death. He has an understanding with horses and bats, and bats do not act like that tyvm.

Van Helsing: He's Jack's sire (therefore Tremere) and Jack has never, ever gotten over the brief blood bond they shared. They have. A dynamic :D (No genuinely the sire-childe thing actually works really well here for their simultaneous familial and psychosexual relationship.)

Renfield: If we're going straight canon, he's a ghoul. If we actually give him a clan, there are also two possible options here! One is Malkavian - he's definitely got a derangement or two. The other, of course, is Nagaraja, although I'm actually feeling Malkavian here moreso than Nagaraja. He doesn't need to eat flesh, he just… has that fixation with it. Either way, I feel he has a blood bond to Dracula. Like that bit is 100% whether he's a ghoul or a Cainite. Hashtag Renfield deserves better!

[cyanidecrystal]

SPOILERS FOR SHERLOCK AND CO. AHEAD.

Ok so I've been listening to Sherlock and co. for months now, not really cause I'm a big fan od the podcast, more so that I have adhd and I'm a fan of background noise. I've been enjoying a lot of it, it's easy on the ears. Comfy. But I have some criticisms that I feel should be at least put out there.

1. The way the show treats disability

So we all know this is the first Sherlock adaptation with a canon autistic Holmes and I appreciate that I really do, but I'm afraid that's where the positive disability rep really ends.

Whenever a disabled character appears the the episodes after that, you can bet your ass they're going to be the villain. There has been a lot written about the horrible DID portrayal, but I'd also like to call attention to the mentally ill stalker guy, who not only is shown as a deranged murderer but we get to witness a graphic torture scene with him. How fun.

The last one (so far) is the very obvious twist villain of The Sign of Four and I was really hoping I was wrong when I guessed he'd be the bad guy because he seemed like a real step in the right direction if he turned out good. Sadly, as I said if a character outside of the main cast is disabled they are evil. That's just how it is.

This is obviously a very old stereotype. Showing the villain as unstable and mentally ill or disabled as a shortcut to let the audience know they're dangerous or evil. Even though in real life, mentally ill and disabled people are way more likely to be victims than perpetrators.

2. Sherlock's violent outbursts

Ok, this point I'm way less confident with so if someone knows the books better and can tell me I'm wrong I'll accept that but does anyone else think that Holmes is really quick to hurt people in this series?

I've been kinda letting it slide for ages now but in a lot of the episodes it seems like they're going normally and then suddenly Sharlock starts torturing people.

The reason I've let it slide is because they're usually actual killers so u know what that's not so bad, but in the latest episode he just goes off on some low level guy, who seemed mostly just kinda scared.

Even thought these people are always bad guys it really takes me out. It's so jarring. Idk.

3. Watson bullying

Yeah, just hear me out, okay?

I get that this is kinda their dynamic but between Mariana, John and Sherlock, Watson is constantly getting teased and bullied and it usually seems like he doesn't rly enjoy it.

It's usually about things he's seriously self conscious about. Then when he gets a love interest/friend who's actually nice to him they act even worse. I know it's comic relief so I just let it slide till now.

Until the last episode where Mariana seriously crossed the line. The fact she continues recording not only after being asked not to but also after he thanks her for not recording in such a sweet and passive way that makes me think he expected them not to honor his wishes.

I really hope this causes some kind of argument or fight or anything between them, but I expect it will just end up with John saying "you were right, guys I needed to get back to it" and never think of it again.

Anyway, I'm still listening to the series so don't take it as some bitter hater ramble. It's just some things I've noticed that have been bothering me for weeks and weeks. Feel free to agree or disagree or add your own thoughts.

[moongothic]

Tbh I wanna see crocodile fight someone so we can see how strong he is because the last time he’s gotten in a real fight was in marineford. Does crocodile have haki? Does he need it at all to survive the new world? Like with most of the relevant pirates knowing haki, retroactively or otherwise, it’s kinda hard to gauge what he’s capable of

Anon I am so sorry I'm gonna go slightly off-topic/become deranged because I've been thinking about writing a whole ass post about this very subject and now you just gave me an excuse to word vomit incoherently instead. So I'm just gonna do that. I'm so sorry

(Hey won't you look at that I actually came back and edited this so it's vaguely legible and there's like a proper point to my thesis lmao)

Also I am. So sorry. For how obscenely long this got. Holy shit I have no idea how this happened I am so sorry

I can not put into words just how badly I want to see this man have an actual, proper 1-v-1 fight with someone. Oda, for the love of god let him fuck up someone, please, I c̵͍͛r̶̢͠a̴͕̾v̷̠͆ḛ̶̐ ̸̤͝t̷̟̋h̷̳̓ḙ̵̀ ̷̱͌b̶͓͑l̸̦̚ô̶̠ȯ̸͇d̴̲̕

No for real though, the one, true, proper 1v1 we ever saw Crocodile have WAS with fucking Luffy and like, to be fair they did fight three times, but still, during Summit War? Sure we see him exchange a few blows but it's never a proper 1v1 because we keep on cutting from one thing to another and the opponents keep on changing etc. So there was no time for a proper battle with anyone

So out of principle alone I want to see him have a proper fight with someone (who isn't a Strawhat preferably) at least once before the series ends (though honestly if we could have more than just one fight scene with Crocodile I would not complain at all, but I might be asking too much at that point)

But also yes. I want to know Croc's actual Power Level in the story right now (and I don't mean that in a powerscaling-kinda way, just in a "I want my husband to look cool because it's what he deserves" kinda way)

Like. The Crocodile we've seen in the past absolutely under no circumstances deserves the fucking unit of a bounty he has on his head right now. And I mean, to be fair Buggy doesn't deserve his gigantic bounty either, canonically the numbers don't matter or mean THAT MUCH-- They just reflect what the WG thinks a person is worth, not the true level of threat the person actually poses But also. Croc's bounty has literally gotten like 24 times bigger from his OG pre-Shichibukai era bounty. To be fair, according to trivia his OG bounty would've at least doubled had the WG known about Baroque Works, but his current bounty would still be like 12 times bigger than before. And god fucking knows Crocodile does not fucking deserve a bounty this fucking big if he hasn't gotten any more powerful since Alabasta. No amount of hanging around with Mihawk and running evil organizations should beef up his bounty that much

So surely, he must've gotten more powerful since we last saw him action, right? Surely? Somehow?

But indeed, how?

And that's where we kinda get to the interesting part, don't we? We have no idea what Croc's been up to for the past two years. Like whatever he's been doing, surely it's been better than spending a decade sitting on his ass and barely ever lifting a muscle when overpowering rando pirates attacking Alabasta with his Logia powers, right. Like surely being in the New World alone would be enough to make him break a sweat for a change

But then like, the only two times we have seen Croc post-timeskip (pre-Cross Guild) he has been just sitting around reading the news (to be fair, the scenes were also about him catching the news about Luffy, it's not like he can't do anything else outside of those scenes). So like. I feel kind of conflicted, like on one hand to get stronger then surely he must've been working out or something. But also I do kind of mentally associate Training Arcs with much younger characters, and Crocodile is quite middle aged, like is he even allowed to go through a training arc anymore?? Especially when he's like a such a Proper Gentleman, it's so hard to imagine him to go back to the basics or anything

But also?? How else would he get stronger?? Like?? Maybe there really was?? AN OLD MAN TRAINING ARC??

But also, to be fair

Crocodile did make a big point about how he "keeps on honing and developing his Devil Fruit skills instead of stagnating like some other losers" back when he and Luffy had their first match. So I really would love it if Oda kept that actually true for the character, I'd love to see him actually whip out some new tricks, techniques and attacks instead of us seeing Sables again for the 839423th time

And really he can't really whip out new attacks if he hasn't at least tried to come up with new tricks (and preferably tried them out)

But that was just the basics right, Croc's Devil Fruit capabilities

Then there's the whole mystery of Crocodile's Haki Status. A whooole different can of worms. Considdering how the only actual damage he seemed to take during the entirety of Summit War was because of Jozu's Haki, and the fact that even fucking Blackbeard can use Haki now, it'd feel deranged if he doesn't have any kind of Haki capabilities. Like everybody knows Haki is going to be Croc's persona kryptonite, including Croc himself! And Haki Mastery really is The Thing that decides whether a pirate crew can actually make it or not in the New World (Kaidou made a specific point about that too). So surely, considdering Croc's supposed to be A Smart Boy and all, he knows he'll need to actually figure out how to use Haki if he doesn't want to lose another limb, right. Like surely he's figured that shit out, right???

Now people have been speculating for years if both Crocodile AND Moria used to be Haki users who lost their Haki after getting their asses kicked in the New World. Which, in theory would make sense, since Haki is essentially just willpower, and getting crushed the way they did would give them good in-universe reasons to why they didn't use the ability, as their traumas could translate to them losing their wills. But also it is willpower, that's not really a tangible thing you can really lose, and the idea of "Haki loss" isn't actually canon (yet at least). So although it's great fanon, we can't assume it's true. Like just as an example, we know Hancock can supposedly use Conqueror's Haki but we've never actually seen her demonstrate the ability

And to be fair to Croc (and Moria), the concept of Haki didn't really start to get Truly Solidified in the story until post-War, so expecting Alabasta!Croc to use it a whole decade earlier in real world time would be ridiculous since Oda hadn't figured out the system yet.

And while that is 100% true and fair.

Thing is. Although extremely vague, I do think Oda had been slowly starting to build the IDEA of Haki already in Alabasta. Like we know the concept gets properly introduced during the Skypiea Saga where Blackbeard both namedrops it and we get to see Observation Haki in action, under the name Mantra. But already in Alabasta, when Zoro is trying to figure out how to cut steel (to defeat Daz), that whole "breath of things" and hyper-awareness he gains when near death... I'm not the first one to point out how much that sounds like rudamentary Haki. And like, yes, on paper the idea of the battle was that Zoro became strong enough to cut steel. But also, learning to use Haki would be what would allow anyone to cut through a Devi Fruit ability like that. The same applies to Luffy's final attack on Crocodile too, his punch destroying the sand blade that before would've sliced his entire hand in half before is poetic on its own, but makes even more in-universe sense if you considder the possilibity Luffy might have subconciously been using Haki at the very end, his sheer willpower allowing him to punch Croc.

The reason I'm pointing all that out is that I kinda wonder if we might've gotten hints at Crocodile having not just Haki, but fucking Conqueror's Haki in Alabasta

This is based on two things:

First, Crocodile's pet bananawani. Yes, he could just be Really Good with animals and that would be adorable on its own. But we know Conqueror's can be used to intimidate and tame animals, including really fierce beasts. Keeping in mind that bananawani are meant to be one of the few species of animals that prey on Sea Kings, IDK, if you told me the reason Crocodile was able to tame them and keep them as pets thanks to Conqueror's, I would believe you. It's nothing solid, there's no proof one way or another, but it would make sense in-universe, it is plausible.

Second, this scene.

Does that blast of Ominous Air/Energy on the third page not remind you of one of those Conqueror's Haki shockwaves?

Of course, considdering Luffy was able to knock out Bon-chan with his untrained, uncontrolled Conqueror's in Impel Down (though to be fair, in the Impel Down scene Bon-chan was in rough condition anyways), if Crocodile was displaying his Haki here, either

A) Shit's real fucking weak or

B) He must've intentionally "kept it down" in this scene just to make sure his agents didn't actually pass out on the spot

But of course, if Croc had fullblown Conqueror's that he was able to control that well, you'd think he might've actually used it to subdue weaker enemies at some point or something (though, again, Hancock also supposedly has it and we haven't seen her use it, and if we had seen him use it on Luffy or something then the story really would've ended in Alabasta). So if that really was Conqueror's, I'd personally maybe rather lean on it being weak as hell (especially if Haki Loss was canon) over him having perfect control over it

Of course, just because that ominous blast of air in hindsight might resemble a weak ass Conqueror's Haki Blast, it doesn't mean that's what it was. Just like with the Bananawani example, there's nothing solid here to go off of, it's just plausible

(Also just for clarity's sake, Crocodile doesn't need Conqueror's Haki. I just think there could be evidence to suggest it if you overthink it just right)

All of this to say

Regardless of what Croc's Haki Status was during Alabasta and Summit War, the fact is that the dude really does kind of need Haki just to survive in the current storyline. So if he can't use ANY KIND OF HAKI, I'm just gonna be speechless. Like Luffy could kill him by just farting on him at that point Not to mention I'd actually love to see the Haki Loss-concept explored in the canon. Like either have it debunked, or somehow confirm it's a thing and show off what a horrifying threat Crocodile can be when he's actually putting his everything into a fight (same for Moria btw, if all he has to protect rn is Perona I'd love to see him go apeship and use Haki to protect her)

BUT THEN THERE'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT DIRECTION WE COULD GO WITH CROCODILE'S POWER LEVEL

OH DID YOU THINK I WAS FUCKING DONE WITH THIS POST? NO, WE'RE STILL FUCKING GOING MAN

So I've seen a lot people speculate about Logia Awakenings and what they could be like. Most people seem to agree on the theory that Punk Hazard being the way it is could be a result of two awakened Logias (namely Akainu and Aokiji) clashing. Similarly that Enies Lobby could be where an Awakened Light Fruit did a thing in the distant past, causing the eternal daytime on the island

I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced that's what Logia Awakenings will be like (some people have also suggested Enel's Final Form was a Logia Awakening, which I kinda doubt but okay), it's a neat idea in any case, we'll just have to wait and see what Oda has cooking for us

Regardless. On a mere narrative level, if they're even possible then I think it'd be cool as hell if Crocodile could act as an introduction to Logia Awakenings and what they're actually like. Because, depending on the role the bastard is going to take going forward, it could prepare us and Luffy for what's to come with Akainu (the real threat)

And again, depending on his role in the story, I think he could be an actual candidate for someone who could deserve to be Awakened-- like the whole Awakening State is sliiightly OP, and Logias are also kind of OP by default. So between OG Croc being kinda weak as hell (by current standards), but also him being an experienced pirate who's known his abilities for god knows how many decades... IDK I think he could deserve The Honors, y'know?

Like compare him to someone like Sabo or Blackbeard who got their Logias only recently and are still learning to use their abilities (more or less). If either of those fuckers somehow Awakened their Logias before Sir Fucking Crocodile I'd be kinda pissed off y'know?

The Admirals are kinda OP to begin with anyways too, I kinda just don't want Smoker to get The Honor of being the first on-screen Awakened Logia either, and really that would leave us with like... Ceasar and Enel as our only remaining options

And Dragon, if he does have a Wind Logia (which remains to be seen)

So. Yeah. If Logia Awakenings can be a thing, I think Crocodile could be the perfect guy to actually introduce them in the story (depending what his role will be).

All of this nonsense to say

Mr Oda, please, I would like to see Sir Crocodile in action pwease

And I want to know what the hell that weird spike thing was

Mr Oda please, I wish to see the Husband and see what kind of tricks he can do now after all these years, please allow him to commit a murder or two or three

[everettswritings]

I think shadow milk hc would be cool!!

Order up! Sorry it took so long to answer your ask

I’d say he was probably a near-complete 180 in terms of personality before the corruption

Would definitely goof off here and there, but was generally the more serious and level-headed one.

As the virtue of knowledge, you could probably find them spending most of their time in any kind of library. Especially the one at the Magic Academy

Oh yeah, I also headcanon that they founded the Magic Academy. Mostly because the aesthetics match up and it seems befitting of someone who represents knowledge.

Probably had a very specific interest in jesters and entertainment, and would most certainly spend time learning as much as he could about such things.

Probably put on edutainment-like shows for the younger cookies. Not just to get into the swing of performing, but also to pass down knowledge to the cookies of the world

Also, I just think that’s cute

You know that library thing I just talked about? He has been caught a time or two passed out in the library, that is also just because I think it’s cute

I’d say that they were the last to lose their mind, they knew better than to listen to the… whatever you call the old Soul Jam; but eventually they caved in.

It probably has something to do with them completely snapping inside because they were watching all of their friends get corrupted and couldn’t do anything about it. Kinda like how Pure Vanilla Cookie felt useless for not being able to protect his friends.

But unfortunately , unlike Pure Vanilla Cookie, he caved into the madness and it drove him to be the deranged little jester boy we all know and love.

And that’s about all I have! I didn’t have much to go off of in terms of pre-corruption Shadow Milk Cookie because information is super limited, but I still like contemplating what the Beasts were like before they went loco. Have a good one 🫶