#still am sometimes tbh
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gregmarriage · 1 year ago
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truly my last relationship taught me so much. it also instilled in me some things i’m still unlearning. like, how most people won’t get mad if you accidentally fall asleep without saying goodnight (and not replying to messages, because i’m literally asleep), or freak out if you stop replying for like five minutes. like, i couldn’t do anything i enjoyed bc she’d be like ‘um, what fuck are you doing? why aren’t you answering me?!!!’ like relax, i’m literally just showering. it was truly a case of sitting still unless i wanted to upset her. and then i STILL somehow upset her and i never really knew why. but, hey, that relationship ended a long time ago, i should be fine now, right? 😐
#it’s literally been like five years and i still wake up sometimes like ‘oh god i didn’t say goodnight! oh god i didn’t reply back to that#person’s message!’ when said person doesn’t care one bit#it’s just cause that relationship was so crazy that it made ME crazy and i’m beginning to realise that yeah i still carry some shit from it#literally that relationship is the entire reason i’ve been single all this time and why i’m trying to be emotionally mature etc#bc that relationship ending gave me a smack around the head that said something needs to change’#bc the way i was before is the reason i was in that relationship and in that situation in the first place#and that relationship ending and trauma and shit separate from that made me get really romance repulsed for a while#still am sometimes tbh#pretty much permanently in a state of ‘yeah i need look after myself’ for the last five years#and idk when that would open up to me being in a new relationship#idk i really just need to not rush anything with anyone and just take things slow and see where they go#have fun in the meantime#bc my past few relationships have been really intense#especially the last one as i said#and i fully don’t have the time or energy for anything hardcore currently#so if there’s anyone at some point they must be prepared to wait for em and court me like we’re victorian lovers#you must wait three years untill we kiss for the first time bc i truly don’t know the timeframe for when i’d wanna do anything i’ll be#honest imaooooo#but yeah romance is a complicated subject for me#i’m literally a hopeless romantic but the thought of romance lately truly just makes me feel gross#like in theory yeah i wanna kiss someone but in actual practice i’m like get away from me!#idk i’m on the road to bulilding healthy relationships#romantic especially bc i really can’t go back to how i used to be#sorry to disappoint anyone imaoooo#but nah anyways people who want to get close to me and be my friend has to be cool with my boundaries i set up#and sometimes forget about even tho they’re my own boundaries bc i’m silly like that#could do casual stuff but i really don’t think i’m the type for that imao#and even that sets off the same alarms in my head so idk 🤷🏻‍♀️#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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tshortik · 3 months ago
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Mild rant from me about Hans Zimmer's involvement in Dragon Age:
I just think it's such sellout behavior to hire expensive movie composers (Zimmer is also known to be a transphobic asshole lol) known for their blockbuster soundtracks for your game when you already had the most iconic soundtrack ever for the previous installment, except the composer was lesser known.
Most people hear the swell of violins and immediately think it must be the best soundtrack ever, but if I am really honest, the DATV soundtrack so far sounds like the most generic slopfest with the laziest leitmotif I had the misfortune to hear in a long while.
Hiring people for their name alone is something I find incredibly shameful. Like I cannot even put into words how nasty it is in my eyes, because it actively takes away from lesser known creatives in the industry who could have made a name for themselves. And it doesn't matter to me if Zimmer only did the Main Theme or whatever, because in that case, it shouldn't be his name that is plastered everywhere but Balfe's! But everyone is talking about Zimmer anyway for exactly the reasons I already mentioned.
Even just the thought of how expensive this endeavor must have been... That money could have gone to other, more important places, easily. It makes the layoffs also that much more bitter in my eyes. Idk. I adore Dragon Age and I am still a huge fan and I will play it, but stuff like that make me angry. I don't need some Zimmer who has been sitting his ass on his laurels from 10 years ago in my franchise. I'd rather have a no name person, or Trevor Morris, to get a chance again.
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britomart · 1 year ago
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Bruce Springsteen ↳ I'm on Fire (Paris, 1985)
[ID: Two black and white gifs of Bruce Springsteen from the side as he sings "Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull / And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull". /end ID.]
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pixelatedraindrops · 1 month ago
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Something different and self indulgent??
Happy Eevee Day~ 11/20 🤎🩶
I do get a kick out of naming my eevee after cute & short kodaka game protag characters ✨
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senselessalchemist · 10 months ago
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Bow problems (+ other nonsense)
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ectoplasmer · 2 years ago
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you guys ever grab your f/o’s face and just *forehead kiss* *forehead kiss* *forehead kiss* *forehea
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beneathsilverstars · 2 months ago
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You've established that Odile has rather unhinged taste in people. Do you have further headcanons on that topic?
Hm... Most of the adjacent headcanons that I could talk about here would require a lot of psychological and cultural context. So let's just talk about that context!
As a child, Odile was disconnected from her peers due to heritage, temperament, and latent transgenderism. As lonely children sometimes do, she decided that she didn't need or want friends anyway, and even if she did, it wouldn't be any of these losers! They were always wasting their time on fun and social useless things that she was too weird smart and special to be invited want to do. She studied very hard and excelled in school, did a couple extracurriculars that didn't require much teamwork, and at some point during adolescence realized that unfortunately the Vaugardians were correct about the changing genders thing.
Ka Buan philosophy encourages people to understand themselves, refine themselves, explore different facets of themselves — but not change themselves, because fundamental characteristics simply cannot be changed. Accordingly, gender-noncomforming fashion and binding/padding and nicknames are fine, hormones and surgery/bodycraft and declaring yourself a different gender are not. But Odile wasn't one to let social mores stop her, so once she reached adulthood, she left her hometown and showed up at the city as Odile. And not just any city, but one with a reputation for cutting-edge craft research and certain countercultures.
You can't just show up and ask around for where the illegal bodycrafting is, though. You have to meet people, win their trust, let them introduce you to other people, repeat. Odile... honestly wasn't that great at it. She hadn't had much cause to practice social skills, so she wasn't very friendly or persuasive! But she was determined, thorough, confident, passionate, genuine in her intentions, and newly hot — and you can get away with a certain amount of blunt arrogance when you're hot. You just have to let people assume you're too cool and busy for humble niceties, which Odile did quite easily, because she's always thought of herself as such. So she found her way through the right queer punk circles eventually and completed her physical transition!
And she liked those circles. The people she met and the topics they discussed and the things they did were all so much more interesting than she had assumed any peers of hers could be! But she still considered herself more competent and correct than anyone else around her, because why would that change just because she moved? Her success in transitioning just further proved that she could do anything if she tried hard enough, that she was right all along in assuming her social failures were due not to lack of skill but last of interest. So she ended up in this dynamic where she was impressed by the people around her and wanted to have fun with them and learn more about them, but also thought herself better than them and above such things as kindness or friendship.
And she was in that "holy shit I'm surrounded by dykes and I'm a dyke now too" stage that some queer people experience after they come out.
So, she wasn't interested in boring. She wasn't interested in nice. She wasn't interested in regular people with regular concerns, like the peers who excluded her in her youth. She wasn't interested in romance or committed relationships or being emotionally vulnerable.
And, she wasn't put off by annoyance, because people annoyed her as a whole anyway. She wasn't put off by danger, because she was sure she could handle anything. She wasn't put off by clashing personalities, because it wasn't like she was planning to go on long walks on the beach with any of her partners anyway.
Thus, she found herself drawn to the most exciting people in the room. Interpersonal drama, emotional outbursts, poorly-thought-out-choices, intense obsession, risky hobbies... it was all oh-so thrilling! Of course, she did realize that the people she was attracted to had major, glaring flaws. But Odile was determined, thorough, confident, passionate, genuine in her intentions, and newly hot. If she couldn't fix them, who could?
We know from Odile's optional sidequest that when she sees something suspicious, she dedicates herself to solving the mystery. We know from her presence at Mirabelle's side that when she sees a problem, she steps in to help, because if you want something done right you do it yourself. The one major exception? The topic that has her backing down, giving up, confessing incompetence?
Emotions.
She has long since learned that she is not actually very good at fixing those.
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plushie-lovey · 3 months ago
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FINALLY!! At long last, I've gotten my hands on a Pumpkin Kitty, after a whole year of wanting and waiting.
Her name is Latte! (Short for Miss Pumpkin Spice Latte) You can also call her Miss Spice!
#I spent 10 minutes picking her out omfg#not even exaggerating. I was deciding between this one and one of the last 3 unstuffed PKs#altogether there was only 5 of them left in the store including the 2 stuffed displays#the other one I was looking at had a nearly perfect pumpkin eye patch but less pumpkins overall#and their face wasn't as nice plus the ears were a bit wonky for my taste.#tho it was really hard to tell which would be better while they were unstuffed and flat#in the end I chose Latte because right away she looked to have a sweet face. her ears were nice and she had better patch placement#including a couple full patches on her tail#tbh if I'd had the money I might have bought both because the decision was hard#the bear builder actually asked if I was alright while I concentrated on studying each of those damn cats#I apologized and explained wtf was up with me. she was very understanding#I've always had this quirk where sometimes it'll take forever for me to pick between plushies I really want#especially if they're both the same exact plush. because then I gitta focus harder on finding out which has the better personality#you get what I mean?#anyways this has been a thing for me even as a real little kid#I remember spending and hour-hour and a half almost every time when my dad took me to choose my monthly webkinz#“my monthly webkinz” god that makes me sound so privileged. it was the nicest/best thing my dad could afford to get me because we were poor#he wanted to spoil me as all good fathers do but that was the most he could afford and I was always so grateful and still am! but I digress#anyways I took way too long to pick which kitty would become my Latte#but I'm glad I had the opportunity to choose yet alone to actually see pumpkin kitty irl available for purchase#what do you guys think of her?#stuffed animals#plushies#plushblr#build a bear#BAB#pumpkin kitty
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itspileofgoodthings · 8 days ago
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had a very nice realization about peace, especially spiritual peace, the other day. (Been brewing for a while.) and it’s just: peace is for the non-peaceful.
#very obvious of course#but it’s just—-#it’s hard to explain how messy I feel all the time#in all areas of my life#what a grubby little gremlin I feel I am#with my unfinished projects and my half-done things and my unsorted through internal life#and my room that needs vacuuming and my bathroom that needs dusting and the text messages that need answering#and the relationships that I feel need attention or fixing or solving#and tbh counseling has been helpful simply because my counselor is just like ‘girl if you don’t chill’#(kind)#like. she’d just like you’re doing FINE#everyone doesn’t have the dishes finished or everything in order at all times#so I’ve been able to kind of see the ridiculously high expectations for myself I just walk around with#and/or just the pressure I feel to have everything DONE#but even all of that aside it has just been dawning on me that—I can have peace in those contexts#not only once everything is ‘sorted’#because it’s not that I don’t think I deserve it or whatever! that’s not exactly the issue#it’s just literally my brain is like ‘peace is for people who have their shit together’#‘and that isn’t you’#and it just !!!!! isn’t true!!!!!!!!#even if I were as grubby as I think I am (and sometimes I think I AM)#it doesn’t matter. you can still know peace. God still loves me#in the middle of the mess#my WORST states have been when I felt like I had to get myself spiritually in order before God could come#sort of dusted and vacuumed metaphorically speaking I mean#and of course there is work to do#but that happens only with God and because of God and IN God#so I don’t have to wait#can’t explain how often I have heard people talk about peace and been like#‘not for me though’ but it actually IS lol. it I s. beCAUSE I am grubby!!!!!!!!
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wis-art · 1 year ago
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Women, so pretty, so shaped, i am so lesbian,,,
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ganondoodle · 1 year ago
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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stupidhany · 2 months ago
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Hi! Thinking of sending some more of the German issues art if anyone is interested
I only really like issue 7 tbh but some of this could be funny soooo
Issue 7
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Issue 9
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Issue 10
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Issue 11
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andaniellight · 11 months ago
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Astra inclinant sed non obligant ("The stars incline, but not to bind us.")
Literally quite Not Normal after finishing @petrachord 's tragic fic of these two
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peridoxikal-redux · 3 months ago
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I just have a lot of feelings about the Builder
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just-your-average-author · 4 months ago
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me reminiscing on phan lore from 2009 as if I wasn't LITERALLY IN SECOND GRADE???
like ah 2009 thing that happened blah blah cute stuff I'm so jealous what was I doing during that time I wish I saw these Myspace and tweets live and I'm like Oh Right, I was an Elementary Schooler
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largemandrill · 5 months ago
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Just fought Messmer without a spirit ash or assistance, and when I tell you that I just had the most fun in this game within my year of playing it, I’m in no way joking.
I think it’s 1) I’ve gotten pretty good at this game all things considered and 2) Messmer is genuinely an amazing fight with beautiful attacks followed by great windows and punishes. Him being fun is what kept me from being frustrated with myself. This will permanently cement him as my favorite boss fight in the entire game. There isn’t a competition anymore he won.
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