#and then we have the high energy positivity fiends

[ectoplasmer]

you guys ever grab your f/o’s face and just *forehead kiss* *forehead kiss* *forehead kiss* *forehea

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 4

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Damen knew the answer to that question. Laurent was not going to kill him. He was going to break him. Here, in front of everyone.

we all need hobbies. that just happens to be one of laurent’s

The men returned to camp boneless and exhausted with no energy to complain that their leader was a blond, blue-eyed fiend, curse him.

‘You just surprised me,’ said Damen. ‘Sometimes I think I understand you, and at other times I can’t make you out at all.’ ‘Believe me, that sentiment is mutual.’

‘The men think you bend me over inside the tent,’ said Laurent. He said it in the same calm way he said everything. Damen fumbled the vambrace. ‘It would erode my authority. My carefully cultivated authority. Now I have really surprised you. Perhaps if you were not a foot taller, or quite so broad across the shoulders.’ ‘It’s considerably less than a foot,’ said Damen. ‘Is it?’ said Laurent. ‘It feels like more when you argue with me on points of honour.’

laurent: i can’t promote you because everyone thinks you’re fucking me every night. it would make me look weak. damen: ?????? laurent: you appear to be surprised by this. maybe they wouldn’t think so, if you weren’t so tall and strong damen: i’m not that tall laurent: you seem to think you are, with how high and mighty you act

‘I want you to know,’ said Damen, carefully, ‘that I haven’t done anything to encourage the idea that I—that you and I—’ ‘If I thought you had, I’d have had you tied to a post and flogged until your front matched your back.’

somehow, this is a positive interaction for them. laurent admits that he knows damen wouldn’t ever take advantage of him, or view/portray him as a sexual object like so many other people do. this almost certainly means a lot to laurent, even though he can’t/won’t admit it.

Laurent wasn’t loved. Laurent wasn’t liked. Even among his own men, who would follow him off a cliff, there was the unequivocal consensus that Laurent was, as Orlant had once described him, a cast iron bitch, that it was a very bad idea to get on his bad side, and that as for his good side, he didn’t have one.

this has the same energy as regina george writing about herself in the burn book as a power move. laurent, to a degree, curates this image in order to maintain what little power he actually has.

actually, laurent has a lot of regina george energy. “raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by laurent of vere.” “he’s a life ruiner. he ruins people’s lives.”

now that i think of it, laurent has heather chandler (the og regina george) energy too. "mythic bitch" "they all want me as a friend or a fuck" "well fuck me gently with a chainsaw, do i look like mother theresa?"

It didn’t matter. Laurent gave orders and they were followed. Men found when they tried to baulk that they couldn’t. Damen, who had been manoeuvred variously into kissing Laurent’s foot and eating sweetmeats from his hands, understood the machinery that confronted and compelled them, deep-buried individually in each circumstance.

"Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people 'real life.' She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful." - Heathers (1998)

Damen was aware that what he was witnessing was nascent kingship, the first flexings of command of a prince born to rule, though Laurent’s brand of leadership—equal parts consummate and disturbing—was nothing like his own.

nice vs good theme! damen is starting to reconsider some things—okay, laurent is a bitch, but he’s actually doing something good here? like i’d want to accomplish the same things, i’d just go about it more nicely? hmmmm

The mercenary had enough of the sympathy of his fellows that there was the danger of a minor insurrection if Laurent ordered him put on the post. A crowd gathered. Laurent didn’t order him put on the post. Laurent flayed him, verbally. It was not like his exchanges with Govart. It was cool, explicit, appalling, and it reduced a grown man in front of the troop as utterly as his sword thrust had done. The men got back to work after that. Damen heard one of them say, in a tone of awed admiration, ‘That boy has got the filthiest mouth I’ve ever heard.’

HE IS REGINA GEORGE! HE IS HEATHER CHANDLER! HE IS THAT BITCH!

‘I’ve seen him. Last week he had half the camp at each other’s throats.’ ‘He’s all right,’ said Jord. ‘It’s only that he’s highborn, and not used to rough company. He’s doing the right thing by what he knows, it’s just that the rules are different. Like how it is with you.’

jord you have no idea how right you are. also i love how he just casually implies damen is a nepo hire lmaooo

is this perhaps our second lamen hr complaint? laurent giving damen special privileges? jord isn’t really complaining, though, it’s more of an observation. but he would have GROUNDS to complain. i’ll count it. lamen hr complaint #2 (jord).

‘I’ve never bedded anyone highborn,’ said Jord. ‘Is it different?’ Damen flushed when he realised what Jord was assuming. ‘He . . . We don’t. He doesn’t. As far as I know, he doesn’t with anyone.’ ‘As far as anyone knows,’ said Jord. ‘If he didn’t have a mouth on him like a harlot in a guardsroom, I’d think he was a virgin.’ Damen was silent. He drained his mug, frowning a little. He wasn’t interested in these endless speculations. He didn’t care who Laurent took to bed.

i would like to believe that laurent has developed his creative vocabulary simply because he is clever, theatrical, and well-read.

however, i think the more likely reason is that those words were used towards him for years, thus becoming a part of his vocabulary.

so that’s fun.

After a moment, Damen said, ‘Speaking of difficult men, there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you.’

i wonder if damen meant this to be an insult to laurent, as well as a conversational transition to govart. either way it’s funny

‘Why did you leave Govart alive?’ ‘Why not?’ ‘You know why not.’

this is a great parallel to their dynamic in book 1. there were a few instances in the early chapters where damen challenged laurent’s morals/decisions, was asked “why not?”, and took the question as laurent inherently disagreeing with his concern. but here, damen does not seem to assume the worst of laurent’s actions or questioning. he actually WANTS to hear his plan, and help to make it better. and he’s much more confident in calling laurent out on his shit, because he sees laurent as something of an equal.

“you know why not” = “i’m not playing this game. we’re on the same page about what needs to be done. explain how your approach is supposed to work, or else accept my solution instead.”

‘You were well within your rights after Govart charged at you. And there was no shortage of witnesses. There’s something else.’ ‘There’s something else,’ Laurent agreed, looking at Damen with steady eyes. As he spoke he lifted his cup and took a sip. All right.

context: laurent knows the regent is somehow indebted to govart, so it’s futile to try to use govart’s bad behavior to manipulate the regent

‘It was an impressive fight.’ ‘Yes, I know,’ said Laurent. He didn’t smile when he said things like that. He sat relaxed, with the cup now dangling from his long fingers, and gazed back at Damen steadily.

‘I was never a fighter,’ said Laurent. ‘That was Auguste. But after Marlas, I was obsessed with . . .’ Laurent stopped. Damen could see the moment when Laurent decided to continue. It was deliberate, his eyes meeting Damen’s, his tone subtly changed. ‘Damianos of Akielos was commanding troops at seventeen. At nineteen, he rode onto the field, cut a path through our finest men, and took my brother’s life. They say—they said—he was the best fighter in Akielos. I thought, if I was going to kill someone like that, I would have to be very, very good.’ Damen was silent after that. The impulse to talk flickered out, like the candles in the moment before they were snuffed into darkness, like the last dying warmth of the embers in the brazier.

first of all, laurent, you’re so real for the swordfighting obsession. make that ptsd hypervigilance work for you.

second: the insanity of laurent knowing that damen is damianos, and saying this to his face…

this conversation is when, i think, laurent begins to perceive HIS damen and damianos of akielos as two different people. it indicates the splintering of something private and complex within laurent’s mind, that we can understand on a re-read based on previous and future characterization. left unsupervised, laurent’s main coping mechanisms—pretending, dissociation, and self-isolation—combine with his strongest traits—force of will, calculated risk-taking, and overall commitment to the bit—to eventually place him in an emotional purgatory of his own design.

the delusion is both subconscious and conscious, in a way only an experienced overthinker like laurent can accomplish. he knows it’s impossible to actually separate damen from damianos, and that knowledge at this point in the story probably brings him comfort. whatever he says or does, they’re still going to end up enemies in the end. and with that strong grasp on reality in place, laurent also knows he can start to play. he can pretend that they’re not enemies, that they aren’t going to hurt each other, that they haven’t hurt each other already. if laurent is actively choosing to indulge the delusion, he’s not actually being delusional. as long as he knows that he is lying to himself, and has no reluctance towards the eventual truth, he remains in control.

speaking to damen in this specific moment, laurent is almost testing the limits of his own bit. "just how insane and delusional can i get away with being here, as the only person who understands the depths of my own insanity and delusion?”

the results of this test—damen’s lack of realization or response—have given laurent a green flag to proceed. it’s almost as if he’s invincible—he’s pushed the dramatic irony of the situation to its limits, and STILL damen has no idea. so he might as well just do whatever he wants now, because nothing matters anyway. he can get to know damen, and he’ll kill damianos later. it should be totally fine, as long as he doesn’t do something ridiculous like fall in love.

of course, we know that laurent does end up falling in love with damen, fully aware that he is auguste’s killer the entire time. that’s the eventual emotional purgatory i mentioned a few paragraphs ago. laurent even has sex with damen under this ruse, which is probably the most vulnerable thing that he specifically could possibly do with anyone.

laurent’s intentional cognitive dissonance is good for us, as readers and shippers, and ultimately good for laurent himself. after all, it’s what allows him to find and eventually choose love. but he is setting himself up for a massive internal struggle for as long as the lie persists. which it will, for an absurdly long time—because the more laurent indulges damen and distinguishes him from damianos, the more he knowingly betrays his brother’s memory. laurent can handle the resulting guilt and self-loathing internally, but anyone else knowing would make that betrayal real.

meanwhile, damen’s just like, “oh fuck. he has no idea. awkward. anyway.”

‘You have to understand. Auguste was made to be the pride of any father. It’s not that there was any bad blood between Laurent and the King. More like . . . the King doted on Auguste, but didn’t spare much time for his younger son. In many ways the King was a simple man. Excellence on the field was something he could understand. Laurent was good with his mind, good at thinking, good at working his way through puzzles. Auguste was straightforward: a champion, the heir, born to rule. You can imagine how Laurent felt about him.’ ‘He resented him,’ said Damen. Paschal gave him a strange look. ‘No, he loved him. He hero-worshipped him, the way that intellectual boys sometimes do, with older boys who excel physically. It went both ways with those two. They were devoted to one another. Auguste was the protector. He would do anything for his little brother.’

damen hears these words, but he doesn’t actually Hear them yet. but we do!!!!! this pov style is so good.

Damen thought privately that princes needed seasoning not protection. Laurent in particular. He had seen Laurent open his mouth and strip paint from the walls. He had seen Laurent lift a knife and in cold blood slit open a man’s throat without so much as a flicker of his golden lashes. Laurent didn’t need to be protected from anything.

better start seasoning those words, damen, because you’re about to eat them

[cosmica-galaxy]

Since I absolutely adore pal,, could we have more facts on his personality? Mayhaps silly lil quirks even? /nf!!

~Facts about Pal!~ + Pal is a VERY talented singer! He can sing soprano, opera, crescendo, pop, rock, and electronic. Even A cappella! + Pal is outwardly friendly to most units and, despite his size and VERY powerful ability, he's a gentle giant that doesn't want to fight. + Pal actually has friends outside of his primary pack! He joined the human by choice and left his original pack in search of adventure. He still visits them! As he leaves from time to time to visit his "older pack" that stays together at his older home! + Pal has a collection of music boxes that he's collected! He also likes fancy watches and things that emit noise, like little pocket watches or "stim toys". Bubble wrap is also a fun "toy" to him! + While the human spars or wrestles with other units, especially larger units, Pal wants to try and "play" too. + He's the moderator of the group. If Buddy and Fiend start fighting too much, he'll step in. If the fighting gets really bad or annoying to Pal, he'll flare his frill to the max and it never fails to make the other two behave. + Pal is VERY strong and can easily hold his own against larger skibidis, not to mention his ability to absolutely cripple them or kill them altogether. + He uses his frill to help him hear better, since his sight is not very good. Posters and writing on walls tend to go unnoticed by him if they don't stick out or have a texture. For these reasons, he reads primarily in braille. + Pal eats skibidi jerky and skibidi meat. He has a strong dislike for garlic and will retch if he eats any. His favorite dish is Buttered Skibidi Steak with simple lemon and black pepper! He eats any types of sides, veggie or fruit, as long as garlic isn't present in the dish! + Pal is able to rotate his head 360 degrees! This is how he can lock onto any target while hanging from the ceiling! + Pal, when touched by surprise, will let out a "mrrp!". + Pal's frill is very expressive and flexible, they can wrap around the front of his speaker if he wanted them to! (Example would be to hide his "face") + Pal loves to drink lots of fruit juices and water. Doesn't really care for sodas or energy drinks. Not even coffee. But teas are lovely! + Pal is capable of waiting for long periods of time. He's a very patient mimic. + Pal is also capable of flight! His arms can extend into wings and he becomes a force to be reckoned with. A sound-based nuke that can also fly is why Speaker mimics are NOT to be antagonized. They also use their flight abilities to change positions in elevation, such as moving from a high vantage point to a low vantage point and vice versa. + If there is ever a need for a babysitter, Pal is the one you should ALWAYS go to. He's experienced in helping care for young! Even when he was littler! + Loves his pack, but he loves the human friend the most of all. + Has golden retriever energy. + Loves speakermen the most out of the alliance, even if they may find him a bit scary. Knows Phil and DJ, and they all get along well!

+ Pal can also mimic voices! So he can help in fooling enemies or getting into voice-activated areas!

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

no but like here's the thing draculaura came out to lagoona, lagoona gushed about star-crossed lovers between a with and a monster, lagoona and draculaura did this while having a specific spot they always hide

draculaura id'd with lagoona's story and was told she would find a light on your horoscare while lagoona was going to find her true love via music (draculaura wrote a song for her friends prior)

DRACGOONA AND CLANKIE REAL

ur under selling it, mon fiend

these two ghouls are CLOSE ok

i remember watching Over Bro-Tective and being like, well first of all

wow

(finger boo-oop for the win!!!!)

it's a gag bc they can't risk waking the baby leviathan so they can't actually clap or high five but why did this have to be so cute

that's not the thing though this is The Thing

clawdeen and clawd are having sibling trouble, which is awkward for the creepoever party

(also love frankie's trans pride boxer shorts shoutout for style)

so drac suggest "partner hide and shriek" and gets insta dibbed by lagoona, which makes her giggle

and drac lays down the rule NO UNDERWATER LAIRS they're too wet lagoona no soggy vampires pls

so APPARENTLY lagoona and drac team up enough for there to be this running gag of lagoona getting them to hide in the pipes. And for drac to be like Not This Time Okay We're Not Hiding In The Pipes This Time Lagoona I'm Begging You Listen Water Is Wet And Wet Is Ugh

this happens so often the other teens are sure, absolutely certain, that Lagoona WOULD get Drac to hide in the pipes anyway. Again.

(bc apparently drac can't say no to that razor sharp smile i guess)

"Let's check the pipes! I'm sure Lagoona convinced Drac to hide in the U-bend, for the hundredth time."

-my man Duce, laying shade on these idiots.

and that's exactly where they find them

(THEY LOOK LIKE THEIR IN THE MIDDLE OF A WASH CYCLE SKSKSKSK)

stuffed in the pipes, drac in a snorkling mask, splatting onto the floor and repeating, tiredly, NEVER AGAIN

(Next Time There Will Be NO PIPES LAGOONA) (suuure)

i was so happy and giggly to see that. so happy the show didn't forget what these two WENT THROUGH together, in Witch Hitch

they didn't forget drac has a running losing streak when it comes to resisting lagoona's smile and lagoona's enthusiasm and lagoona wanting to do things together with her

you know what let's revisit that too!

Witch Hitch

draculaura tells lagoona she's a witch right after lagoona admits she's being blackmailed by toralai, and WHILE the blackmailing was still going on

draculaura looked at this face-

and told her, hey so, toralai's not lying. im a witch.

lagoona didn't even ask her about it

drac said "i know exactly how you feel", lagoona just Looks At Her Like That and drac decided, yep, i actually feel ready to tell my dangerous secret right here right now to this person specifically

she trusted lagoona not to use this against her, despite the blackmail

or maybe she felt it was worth the risk??? getting to open up and connect with someone in a similar situation is worth the danger of it blowing up in her face?

and it WAS worth the risk, bc lagoona was 100% excited about drac's magic, totally delighted, called it incredible, asked if she could watch more

(love how ppl are worried about witch stuff until they learn that DRACULAURA'S the one doing it)

(feels real to me. if you know and trust a person, and then it turns out they're doing this thing, a thing you've got no personal experience with and only know you're supposed to hate bc someone told you so, makes sense you'd have more faith in the person you know and give them a free pas at it)

lagoona's SO into it she even asks to see more magic

which we know. we know drac is staved for getting to show her witch side. it's part of her she that makes her feel happy and good and like herself, not being able to open with it is, isolation

isolation for a vampire that gets her vamp energy via positive attention from others. ouch

so here's lagoona, lagoona who is being blackmailed to work against her, lagoona who is all bouncy and twirlly about drac's magic, lagoona with her own secret side she's not ready to share yet

and drac let's lagoona WATCH HER make the single-use, anti-secret-telling potion that she plans to use on toralai

toralai, the one who is still blackmailing lagoona

lagoona, who's secret (that the fiercest monster in school still cuddles with her childhood fish squishy) while very personal and potentially embarrassing, is NOT actually might-get-expelled-or-banished levels of dangerous if it gets revealed

unlike drac's

(first time watching this i got nervous for a moment bc in several other shows i've seen, a set up like this would mean lagoona gets pressured into revealing the potion to toralai too and blah blah blah, angst betrayal misunderstanding eventual forgives etc. Buuuut in monster high....)

the risks involved are different, but Draculaura knows what having the secret FEELS like

the secret's not the important part for her and lagoona, losing control over WHEN it gets told is the painful scary part!

So when lagoona panics thinking the potion won't be able to protect draculaura, when she tries stopping toralai, when toralai gets pissed and is about to make good on the blackmail against lagoona-

drac uses the one safe use of the potion, to protect lagoon's secret instead

not hers

she chooses to be outed to the whole school so lagoona won't be

LAGOONA LEGIT TELLS HER AFTERWARDS

"Oh thank you, thank you! You're like a princess that saved the damsel in distress!"

and when toralai tells the school and runs to drac/frankie/clawdeen's dorm to proove all the witchery,

(side note i love that when using the potion twice comes up dracs like No I'm Not Willing To Risk Permanently Hurting Someone Just To Keep My Secret Safe- this is why everyone trusts her to be a witch ok, they know she WOULD NEVER use it that way)

when drac is panicking, bracing herself for impact- LAGOONA BREAKS HER OWN RECORD SWIMING THROUGH THE PIPES TO GET THEIR FIRST AND HIDE ALL THE MAGIC STUFF

my heart! i can't take it!!!

she puts it all in her own room, in the tank, in plain view of anyone who might be passing by and stick their head in like drac did earlier and get the wrong idea about who's doing magic

but she can't stand by and let the witch secret get pulled out and proved true like this. she knows what the secret feels like too!

these two take such risks to protect each other's chance to choose im crying ok

Draculaura: "Lagoona- I, am eternally grateful!"

Frankie: "Eternally? And you're immortal! Oh zap, that's a looot of grateful."

Lagoona: "I'm the one who's grateful! Thanks for keeping my secret safe."

IM CRYING, OKAY!?!??

like to hell with shipping! You don't come out of sharing something like this without a forging a bond that's special and deep and just for the two of you!

the writers didn't pass over that. they didn't forget it

i could kiss them for it

(remember when lagoona made a script based on her own lonely childhood then threw it out and replaced it with one where she gets friends but is worried about chomping them and drac vibed so hard with her character she begged to play lead role)

(drac the vampire who went vegan and doesn't bite or drink blood even though she COULD and still has the instinct to as seen in Creature Clash hey hey the parallels are getting to me)

(let lagoona have her freshwater boyfriend and daydream about being rescued by princesses her hair is the dang PAN PRIDE FLAG)

in conclusion

if lagoona wants to partner up for hide and shriek again and hide in the horrible wet water pipes again, we know drac's gonna end up going along with it.

AGAIN

for the hundredth-and-whatever time

romantically or not, i think she kinda loves lagoona a lot. same as how lagoona loves her

and u know what? same

[merryfortune]

After the End of Another Long Day

Day 5: Before the Beginning | After the End

Title: After the End of Another Long Day

Ship: Ariane/Arianna

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,210

Tags: Not Canon Compliant, Crushes

   It was yet again after the end of another long day of working at the Silver Castle but there was no winding down of all the work there was still so much to do - and even more had been made thanks to the day previous.

   Arianna sighed exhaustedly as she trailed through the halls, collecting the bits and bobs which had decidedly not survived the Lady Knight… Nor Lady Labyrnth, for that matter. More Lady Labyrnth, actually. She was a far more destructive force than the half-pint paladin. Which, to the maids, like Arianna and by extension, Ariane, made the latter was actually so much more annoying than the former because at least the Lady Knight didn’t break her - their? - toys. The traps kind of belonged to the whole castle after all.

   Or should if she (and Ariane) were going to have tidy up afterwards all the time.

   Speaking of Ariane, Arianna turned her head and yup, sure enough, there she was… Arianna tutted and shook her head. She so did not understand where Ariane got all her energy. Look at her go! Cleaning and and racing through the halls, doing her best to not make waste in her haste but if Arianna inspected Ariane’s work more closely… Sigh. Okay, it was pretty good.

   “I don’t know how you do it.” Arianna lamented.

   “Do what?” Ariane asked, she blinked owlishly, sideways, of course. She was a Fiend, after all. A humanish looking one, yes, but a Fiend, nonetheless. Hence the eyes… and the tail. And the pointed ears.

   “That.” Arianna huffed. “Let’s just move on. We’ve done our best. Lady Labyrnth can take care of the rest since this is her pet project. We have silver to polish and ugh… Floors to mop. It never ends!”

   “No, no it does not.” Ariane giggled.

   She joined up with Arianna and they stood side by side. Ariane smiled cheerfully and it honestly annoyed Arianna. Ariane was so bright and energetic, she was a perfect match to this labyrinth but once people entered, they never left. It was called a labyrinth for a reason!

   Arianna considered herself far too low energy, low blood pressured to live, survive, or thrive in this castle. It was a high paced environment! The work never ended! She never really thought through her position to willfully join up to work as a demoness’ minion through. Cleaning was her forte, and it did pay well despite the hellish and hectic hours, but everything else was a punishment.

   Ugh. Seriously. Why couldn’t humans leave them alone?

   Well, it was just that human who couldn’t leave them alone. The 

   At least she had met Ariane through it. The similarity of their names was a merely a coincidence but once which amused them both. It helped to break the ice, gave them something to bond over as they had both started on the same day in their infernal contract of maidly duties.

   That was what…? A hundred days ago? A hundred months ago? Maybe even a hundred years ago? Arianna had no idea. Time flowed differently. There was a reason the cuckoo clocks were a little bit crazy. They certainly weren’t keeping the time as they should be but there were distinct cycles of day and night, destruction and creation respectively. There was never a dull moment but at this point, Arianna was begging for one.

   She wouldn’t know what she would do if she, and any of the other eccentric inhabitants of the castle, were freed of the contracts, the traps, and labyrinths but she hoped Arianna would be there for her. She had grown quite fond of the girl. They were like chalk and cheese in temperament but that’s why they got along, Arianna thought - and why her heart had become a little too fond of her.

   At least there was plenty of time to spend with her.

   Whether it was at the end of the day or the end of time, there was still silver to clean and floors to mop. They shared quarters, too, for better or for worse. Arianna liked the girl a lot but she did snore. Very loudly. 

   However, until they could get back to their quarters, there were chores to finish and more excitingly, meals to eat. Until then, the pair of maids were plopped down on the floor, back to back, their flouncy skirts not touching nor their tails with drawers upon drawers of silver to polish. 

   (Honestly, Lady Labrynth had quite a fetish for silver…)

   Rag in hand, her focus was totally pinpointed to the back of the spoon. Arianna was determined she would not stop until she could see her reflection in the back of this spoon. As distorted as it was. Ariane, meanwhile, well, she was doing her job and as efficiently as she could but she didn’t quite have the singleminded focus that Arianna had.

   Hence why her voice sang out after quite some time at work, “The Lady Knight did well today, didn’t she?” Ariane mused.

   “Yeah, she did.” Arianna replied. Her brows furrowed, she polished harder.

   “Do you think she works hard because she wants to impress Lady Labyrnth?” Ariane asked. More rhetorical than anything else.

   Even so, despite sensing this in the way Ariane’s voice flowed, Arianna piped up with, “Everyone wants to impress Lady Labrynth. Is that not we’re here? Polishing her silver in anticipation of her nightly feast… Assuming she’s not too busy in her lab, tinkering with her new traps.”

   “True.” Ariane giggled. “But I meant more like… How we want to impress each other, how we admire each other…”

   Arianna blushed. Ariane’s voice turned both silky and sultry. It sent a shiver down her spine. Ariane’s tail bobbed up and down, slowly but surely, as nonchalantly as possible, curled around Arianna’s. A touch here and a touch there, nothing entwining - not yet at least.

   “Well, maybe. I don’t know. The Lady Knight never speaks, we don’t even know her name and she’s raided us countless times!” huffed Arianna, getting worked up just from having Arianna’s tail so close to her own.

   “True, true.” Ariane continued to giggle.

   “And I don’t like you like that!” Arianna denied. “You are a friend, colleague, and housemate. Nothing more.” 

   The tips of her ears burned. She was lying, bald-faced, and quite poorly at that. They both knew it but here’s the thing. Ariane would be even more unbearable than she currently was if she knew the full depth of how much Arianna liked her, how fond she was of her. The teasing would simply never end. 

   “Sure, sure, whatever you say, Anna.” Ariane said, sing-song.

   “Arianna! You know I don’t like being called Anna for short!” Ariane huffed.

   “Aww, but it's cute.” Ariane jeered. “And you could call me Ari for short, that’s cute too, isn’t it?”

   It was. But Arianna wasn’t going to admit it. This was just a spoonful of what would happen if she were to confess her feelings but what they had presently… It was pleasant. Palpable.

   Ari’s tail entwined with Anna’s as they continued to go through all the silver they had to polish ahead of the dinner they would have with each other, and Lady Labrynth, too. If she made it on time.

[probablyevilrpgideas]

In D&D (3.X, not sure how much things have changed since), there's Positive and Negative Energy. Positive Energy is life force, and Negative Energy is, well, the "energy" of death. Ie, in D&D, Death isn't the cessation of life, per se, it's actually its own form of cosmic energy, just like life.

Positive energy fuels and heals living creatures, and negative energy fuels and heals undead creatures. Negative energy hurts living creatures, and positive energy hurts undead creatures.

But Positive Energy can kill you just as dead as negative energy. Planes with minor positive energy traits are a nice place to be, you heal 2 hp a round while you're there. But if you're on a plane with the major positive energy trait, first you have to make a save to resist being blinded by how fucking bright it is, and then you get the same fast healing as Minor, but it's 5 hp. The problem is, if you're at full hp, that fast healing gives you temporary HP instead, and every round your temp hp exceeds your normal HP total, you have to make a Fort save against exploding in a riot of energy. Every Round.

Sure, the Negative Energy Plane is more is more immediately dangerous. A Minor Negative Dominant area will just do 1d6 damage to living creatures each round, until they crumble to ash at 0 hp, and a Major Negative Dominant area just gives you a negative level every round if you fail a save. Once your negative levels equal your HD, you become a wraith.

But if you stick around on the PEP too long, you will still die. And note, you will not stick around like you do on the NEP.

But the point is that Positive and Negative energy form a sort of continuum.

What's even more interesting is that multiple kinds of undead can naturally arise in D&D. A person who eats sapient flesh might, upon death, rise as a ghoul. A person with unfinished business when they die may become a ghost. If you are driven to suicide by "madness" you might become an allip. Bodaks arise from people "destroyed by the touch of absolute evil," which is ambiguous, but you could interpret it as the touch of a high level fiend, or an epic [evil] spell, or the like--not, necessarily, necromantic magic, mind you, just any [evil] spell of sufficient power. Serial killers who die without atoning for their crimes might become mohrgs.

So, at the very least, we can interpret this as meaning that dying in a particular way or under particular circumstances creates or draws in a sufficient amount of negative energy to either reanimate the body or transform the soul.

Another interesting thing to look at is the Cure and Inflict Wounds spells. Cure (whatever) Wounds is Conjuration, the school of magic which deals with drawing and using things or energy from other places. Cure X Wounds is Conjuration because it pulls Positive Energy from the PEP to restitch the body. Inflict Wounds however, obviously, rends the flesh. It is a Necromancy spell. But it still does the same thing, channeling energy, it's just Negative energy instead of Positive. But it's Necromancy because it deals with Negative energy.

That is to say- Two lines of spell do the same thing, channel energy from a plane to affect the body of the target. One channels Positive energy and heals, the other Negative energy and harms. But while they do the same thing, in the same way, one is Conjuration, but the other is Necromancy. Both Cure and Inflict could just as easily be Transmutation because they change the body, or Evocation because they manipulate energy. Which very much implies there is a moral view involved in the categorization.

It's also interesting that pretty much the only class that cares about spell schools, Wizards, which can specialize in a school of magic, is the one that is about academic study of magic. Clerics don't worry about spell schools, they worry about domains. Druids don't worry about spell schools, they just have nature magic (including quite a few Necromancy effects, in fact*). Sorcerers just get magic from their lineage. Only the people who get magic through academic study care about spell schools, mechanically**. Which really points to spell schools being an intellectual categorization, not an indelible fact of magic in and of itself.

*Contagion, Poison, Blight, Death Ward, Finger of Death; Pox and Pestilence in BoVD, and probably more, but SRD and one book is my limit for rn

**absent variant rules, homebrew, etc, and barring needing access to spells from a certain school for some prestige classes and such

Fantasy healing, blood magic and necromancy.

It’s been bugging me for a white that these three tropes, often placed far apart in magical ideologies, really belong together. There’s only a fine line between life and death. Why is blood always portrayed as an evil thing when it’s really a very useful thing?

It’s bugged me for a long time that healing spells in D&D 3.5 aren’t necromancy spells. Bodies are just bone and flesh and skin, it’s the same set of skills to knit broken pieces back together whether those piece are still living or already dead, it’s just the living still have some homeostasis going on.

If you are learning to heal, people or animals, anatomy training can leave you with this idea (which is not entirely false) that you can take a body apart like its made of Lego. It’s just parts and systems. Just bits.

Sometimes you look at those parts in isolation, sometimes as a whole. Working with bodies and parts, whether alive or dead, is very, very similar and in my mind it only takes a small jump from working with the living to working with the dead.

And poor blood gets such a bad reputation. Blood is great, blood is useful. Blood is key to all healing processes in the body. It carries information, it’s key to life.

Sure, too much blood outside the body can be a problem, but too much of anything can be a problem. Nobody complains about a fireball being inherently evil but blood just seems to carry a connotation with it.

I feel like these aspects are all part of the same spectrum, and only tiny steps away from each other.

Then again maybe I’m the character that turns into the well intentioned villain in the fantasy novel.

[toxicshumai]

How about all of the characters and vanilla (because apparently vanilla is a kink nowadays and I'm one of the most vanilla person you could ever meet). You don't need to do all of them if it's too much, you can just pick whoever you feel like talking about but I'm curious what you think 👀

Have a great day my queen ♡

nah man LET'S GOOOOO. I'm gonna do the dateables in a separate post bc this is already way too long

Send me an Obey Me character(s) and a kink and I’ll leak my thoughts

Lucifer: He's a canonical sadist and seems to enjoy a brat taming but he's not going to initiate any kind of scene unless he has enough time and energy to give 110%. He takes that responsibility seriously. Since he's overworked and sleep deprived most sex is going to be vanilla. If he's especially tired, he'll probably get lost in how good he feels and cum prematurely. If you're topping just fuck him through it and he'll feel wonderfully relaxed and exhausted. If he's topping, he'll be mortified and then use his hands to get you off as many times as you can handle to compensate. Vanilla sex is vulnerable for Lucifer and his favorite part is foreplay when he can just run his hands and lips over your body and feel your warm skin against his. It reminds him that you're alive and chose him.

Mammon: Subby boy. Soft brat. Mammon is eager and tends to get ahead of himself so he's going to want to speedrun all of your shared kinks almost immediately. He buys toys, lingerie, candles, restraints, different lubes, you name it. Partly because of Mammon's Too Much Gene and partly because thinks if he can keep the sense of novelty going, you won't get bored and leave him. Make him slow down. Take him apart slowly, treat him like something delicate and precious. Spread him out under you so he can't hide his blush or expression of pure adoration. Look into his eyes and hold his hand while you slide into/onto him slowly. He'll cry after and probably during (though he'll deny it) but it's only from the intense emotional catharsis. The other side of this coin is goofy established relationship sex where you're both giggling from endorphins, teasing each other, and fully indulging in each other's bodies. Mammon will give you a dopey lovesick smile the whole time.

Levi: You're going to have to work this poor man up to penetrative sex but he's a fiend for mostly-clothed hand stuff while you're both in his bedtub. We all know Levi has a degradation kink and most likely hentai brainrot but he's not going to bring that up in the bedroom without a lot of prompting and time together. Vanilla sex makes him feel so much more exposed that roleplay or d/s power dynamics because he doesn't have a roadmap. He has to just be himself and be in the moment and that's terrifying. On the other hand, nothing compares to the rewards of submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known. He's going to need a ton of aftercare after vanilla sex or he'll get lost in his head and the endorphin dump will fuck him right up.

Satan: I hc Satan as being less experienced than his other brothers partly because he's been alive the least amount of time and partly because he's not going to let his guard down around just anyone. Also he has high standards. He's also a romantic who reads too many romance novels and erotica. Satan would watch Hallmark movies with Asmo. So this man? Loves vanilla sex. Playful sex with an established partner, sweaty desperate quickies, and slow sensual marathon sex are his jam. Woo him a little. Light some candles (actually maybe use some LED ones given that his room is a fire hazard), take your time kissing and working him up, tell him you love him and how happy you are to be his. Also, I hc that he has a lot of wall sex because his bed is full of books. Favorite position is for you to drape yourself across his back and fuck him hard and deep while he ruts against a pillow.

Asmo: Yes, he'll do vanilla but he needs to show off the entire time. Deepthroating, making you squirt, bending himself into ridiculous positions, etc. Praise him but bring his focus back to the connection you share; he doesn't need to impress you or perform for you. He doesn't have to win you over because he already has you. Kiss the back of his hand, his palm, and each one of his fingertips while you tell him you just want to be close to him and make him feel good. He's going to be clingy after.

Beel: Ohh softe boi. I don't think Beel has a lot of kinks so you end up having vanilla sex by default. He likes how domestic missionary feels unless you're much shorter or smaller than him, in which case he prefers you on top so he can actually look you in the eye and not worry about crushing you. I think Beel is very easy to please. Some mostly-clothed heavy petting and making out followed by snacks and he's happy. Full-on penetrative sex is less frequent because if he tops he's a stretch and if he bottoms uhh having to void first makes him hungry and then he just needs to eat.

Belphie: You want him to stay awake for sex? Not even a little somnophilia? Ohhh jail. Jail for MC. He's going to be very soft once he realizes you're not up to play with his brat persona. He wants to have sex lying on your sides either facing each other with your leg hooked over his hip or spooning you and leisurely thrusting while rubbing your clit/dick. If he bottoms, he's going to whine to be facedown in the pillows but keep an eye on him to make sure he stays awake. You can fuck him in missionary but he'll pout if you don't massage his legs after.

[luminnara]

Flying On Wings Made From Feathers and Wax | Ganondorf x Gerudo OC | Ch 1

Chapter one | Chapter two

Summary:  10,000 years before the events of Breath of the Wild, a little Gerudo vai moves to the desert and makes a new friend in the form of the young Gerudo prince, Ganondorf. The two grow up together, enjoying a worry-free life...but distant memories of a long-dead demon king and a sheikah prophecy nag at everyone's minds, and tensions between the Gerudo and Hylians are on the rise. As the years pass, it becomes clear that this little vai will play an important role in the shaping of Hyrule. Loyalty and love will be tested, empires will rise and fall, and at the center of it all is that mysterious godly power...

Warnings: eventual violence and smut

The sand is hot.

The sun is unforgiving.

The desert is inhospitable, a dry, brutal place that tests and tries its inhabitants, a vast, sprawling land that will viciously take the life of anything unsuited to its harsh days and frigid nights. Few species manage to survive in such a place, a habitat ruled over by stern gods and haunted by restless spirits.

The Gerudo, though, lived proudly in the great desert, amongst the massive skeletons of ancient serpents and hidden by the raging sandstorms that kept much of the rest of the world away. In a land in which only the strongest survive, the Gerudo chose to become stronger, to thrive in a place other races like the Hylians and Rito hardly dared to venture to.

Gerudo women were powerful and proud, building a city and several outlying encampments for themselves. They preferred to remain reclusive, despite their generally peaceful relations with the Hylians and other races occupying the verdant spaces to the north of the desert, and as per a tradition created from centuries of hardships, no men of any race were permitted within the walls of Gerudo Town. 

Save for one.

He was born beneath a harsh, burning sun, on the hottest day in a decade. Though his mother was no chief, the baby was royalty from the moment he drew his first breath and cried his first cry, and news of the new king traveled quickly. Only one male Gerudo was born every hundred years, always becoming king, as was the law, and on the day of his birth, the Gerudo celebrated. The bar was crowded, the people drinking and feasting while the new king was placed in a royal crib, a guard detail standing at the door. The current chief would continue to rule, until the boy came of age, at which time she would be expected to step down and relinquish the throne. There was almost never any resistance or arguing; this was an old Gerudo tradition, and it was always honored. The chief would take care of the tribe, as was expected of her, preparing the desert for the new king it was about to receive. 

The infant was treated as a god. His mother was a warrior, tall and proud, and she claimed that his father was a hylian voe who was large for his kind. That didn’t matter much, though; Gerudo always produced Gerudo, and while a father’s genetics played some small part in determining how a child looked, they would never be anything but Gerudo. 

This new baby, the prince of the Gerudo, was showered in gifts. Before he could stand, he was being dressed in the finest silks and most expensive jewelry, small gold bracelets and anklets adorning his chubby limbs. He was strong, his lungs capable of producing a loud, healthy cry, his small fists already packing quite the punch. The Gerudo saw this as a blessing, and surely, their prince was to grow into a capable king one day. 

They did their best to focus on all of the good signs—that he would become strong, that he would be raised with respect and levelheadedness, that he would become a ruler worthy of the Gerudo throne. Surely, with so much adoration and positivity around him, their future king would stand tall and steady amongst the harsh sandstorms. He would not wither beneath the bright sun, nor would he be burned by the searing hot sands. His mother and the Royal guard would ensure that this rare Gerudo voe would know kindness and love, and they would do their best to always ignore any creeping feelings of dread. 

“A prophecy? Bah!” His mother would say whenever the topic was breached. “There is no reason that it points specifically to this voe. It could refer to the next one. Or it could be complete nonsense, the paranoid ramblings of an old sheikah.”

“But in the ancient past—”

“In the ancient past what?” His mother would snap. “Evil will always exist in this world. There will always be a great demon to defeat, a fiend to cut down. Perhaps the next voe born into this tribe will become a monster...but not mine.”

And she would look down at the tiny face of her son, the baby sleeping peacefully in her arms, swaddled in silks, and she would find no malice there. How could she? He was innocent, an infant who was most concerned with napping until it was time to wake up and cry. There was no malice in this boy, and she would ensure that he grew up surrounded by love. There would be no chance for her son to become the demon king the sheikah spoke of. They were an ancient people, with impressive magic and wise elders...but to the Gerudo, they were just another race who turned a blind eye to the suffering of the desert dwellers. 

The sheikah were no doubt watching for a male Gerudo, waiting for their prophecy from nearly a century earlier to play out, but the Gerudo were determined to hide their king. If the hylian royal family was alerted to the boy’s presence, there was a very strong possibility that they would demand his death--and that would surely spur on yet another war that no one wanted to fight. The Gerudo would defend their king until their dying breaths, loyal to the end, and perhaps to a fault...and they would do whatever it took to keep him safe. Amongst the harsh desert sands, they would do what they did best—remain strong and secluded, putting on a happy face for the rest of the world. Their king was sacred to them, and no one, not even the ancient sheikah, would meddle in their affairs.

On his first birthday, when it was clear that he would survive to see his childhood, the boy was finally given a name. In a great ceremony, the chief and his mother presented the baby to the rest of the tribe, and for the first time, they spoke his name:

Ganondorf.

A strong name for a strong boy, one destined to become a great king. His early years were spent toddling around the palace that would one day become his, occasionally being allowed outside into the blazing sun to see Gerudo Town and the people he would rule. As all children, he was high spirited and rambunctious, and as he grew, so did his energy. It became hard for his mother and the guards to keep him inside the palace, and eventually settled for keeping him within the town’s walls. He needed to remain safe...but they knew that he needed to have fun, too.

“Ganondorf!” His mother yelled one day as he tore down the steps of the palace, “slow down!”

But her words were ignored, the prince determined to have an adventure without his mother or his guards breathing down his neck. The downside to this freedom was that he would be alone; the other Gerudo children were nervous around him, afraid and in awe of the voe that would rule over them one day, and as such...he didn’t really have any friends. It was okay, and he managed on his own, but...he would really like to have just one.

“Mother,” a little red-haired vai groaned, plopping down in the sand. 

“What is it, vehvi?” Her mother asked absentmindedly as she picked up a hydromelon. 

“I’m bored.”

The Gerudo looked down at her daughter with a bemused expression. “Your first day in Gerudo Town, and you’re already bored? I thought you were excited to be moving here finally.”

The little girl sighed dramatically, flopping down onto her back. “I didn’t think it would be so boring!”

The melon vendor snorted in amusement. “I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Kiluki.”

“What does that mean, Uvira?” The girl’s mother asked in confusion. 

The vendor shrugged. “It’s something the Hylians say.”

“...why do they say it?”

“When they mean to tell someone that their daughter acts the same way her mother does.” Uvira laughed. “But I agree with Ilula...Gerudo Town has plenty to offer. Perhaps she should go see it all.”

The girl sat up straight. “Yes!”

Her mother was less eager. “I don’t know…”

“Mom, come on!” Ilula rolled her eyes. “I’m almost eight. I’m practically a grown up.”

Uvira barked a laugh. “Certainly have the attitude of one!”

Kiluki shot the woman a glare. “Ilula, I just want you to stay safe. This isn’t Castle Town, things here are bigger…”

“And I’m small. I know.” The little Gerudo sighed. “But mom, look at all the guards!”

“No one gets in or out of town without them seeing,” Uvira shrugged. “I doubt even a little vai could go unnoticed.”

“See?”

Kiluki looked down at her runt of a daughter. “Ilula, I just don’t want you running off on your own until you get to know Gerudo Town better. I just want you to stay safe.”

“Well…” Ilula looked around the market square. “Maybe I can find a friend?”

“There are plenty of little vai running around these days,” Uvira agreed. “Let her stretch her legs, Kiluki. This is your home again, and there are so few travelers these days that it’s nearly only Gerudo in town. You know we take care of our own.”

“Well…” Kiluki seemed to be on the verge of giving in, and Ilula stood excitedly. “...alright. But don’t go far, and if you need something, come right back here, or ask a guard to help you, or—“

Ilula was already tearing away, her little bare feet kicking up sand. “Thanks, mom!” 

As Kiluki watched her daughter run away, she felt her chest tighten. “Be careful!”

Uvira chuckled. “I don’t seem to recall you ever being particularly careful, sister. What’s changed?”

“I have something to worry about now,” Kiluki growled. “And she’s...so small…”

“That she is,” Uvira rubbed her chin in thought. “I could have sworn she was a few years younger, what with her height…”

Kiluki sighed. “The Hylian healers assured me that she’s perfectly healthy, but I’ve never seen such a small Gerudo. She’s hit all her milestones...except for the height ones.”

“So she’s a little thing,” Uvira shrugged. “Perhaps she’ll grow late.”

“Or never at all.”

“Would that matter much?”

“The world is a harsh place. I brought her here to be safe, with our people, but I fear now that the desert will be too much…”

“Kiluki, in the few hours you’ve been here, I have not once seen that vehvi show any signs of slowing down.” Uvira laughed. “You worry too much. Take her to one of our healers so they can reassure you.”

Her sister nodded. “I plan to.”

“I’m sure she’ll have no trouble making friends with the others.” Uvira smiled. “You’ll both have a fine life here, now that you’re back home where you belong.”

Kiluki tried to look like she agreed, but she was still worried. “You’re right. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

On the other side of the market, Ilula was approaching a group of children. They were playing a game with a small leather ball, kicking it around to each other, and it wasn’t unlike the sort of games the Hylian children in Castle Town played. 

“Hey!” Ilula called, running towards them. “Can i join?”

The girls all stopped and looked at her. She was unfamiliar, but she was clearly Gerudo, though she was...small.

“This is a game for big kids,” one of the girls said, waving her away. “Go play with someone your own age.”

Ilula stopped just outside their circle. “I am a big kid!”

“Uh, no you’re not,” she scoffed. “How old are you? Five?”

“I’m almost eight!” Ilula stamped her foot in anger. 

The girl paused in surprise. “What? No way. You’re so small!”

Ilula’s cheeks burned with rage. She wasn’t used to other kids commenting on her height; she was bigger than the Hylians her age, and back in Castle Town, they were the little kids compared to her. Here, though, she actually had to look up at the Gerudo kids, and as she did so, she began to frown.

“S-so?” She asked, stammering in her anger.

“So?” The bigger girl laughed. “So you can’t play with us!”

Ilula’s hands balled into fists. “Fine! I didn’t want to anyways!”

The other children all broke into laughter as she spun on her heel, cheeks hot, teeth clenched. She had never been treated like that, and she was experiencing her first real rage. All she wanted was to get as far away from them as possible now, and she made a beeline for the archway leading to a row of homes and bars off to the side of the market. 

As she marched away, determined to ignore their shrill taunts as they called after her, her pace quickened, toes digging into the sand with such fervor that she didn’t notice where she was going. 

“Too small? I’m not too small, I’ll show them too small—hey!” As she grumbled to herself, she suddenly made contact with something sturdy, and next thing she knew, she was landing on her butt. “Watch where you’re going!”

The something she had run into turned and looked down at her. “Oh, sorry!”

Ilula’s eyes widened as she took him in. 

“I thought—I thought there weren’t any boys allowed here!” She blurted out.

The person in front of her was a shirtless boy, a small mane of fiery red hair framing his face. He wore white silk pants held up by a golden belt, matching bands fastened around his upper arms. His skin was tan, his eyes bright amber, a bejeweled circlet resting on his head. He looked regal, as he should...but Ilula didn’t notice that. All she noticed was that he was a boy, and he was in her way.

He laughed and offered his hand to help her up. “I’m allowed to be here.”

She took his offer and allowed him to pull her to her feet. “Why?”

“Because I’m the prince,” he smirked, puffing his chest out a little. 

Ilula rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.”

He visibly deflated, unused to anyone questioning or not believing him. In a town full of Gerudo who worshipped him, nobody ever rolled their eyes like that in his presence. “Huh?”

“If you’re a prince, why are you wandering around out here?” She shook her head. “And there’s never any boy Gerudo. You’re just making things up.”

He blinked at her in disbelief. “But I—I am! I’m gonna be king one day!”

“We don’t have a king, we have a chief!” Ilula laughed, but it wasn’t cruel or mocking; instead, it was genuine, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she looked up at the boy. “Mama told me all about the chief before we came here.”

“You just moved here?” He tilted his head curiously.

“Yep!”

“Where did you live before?”

“Castle Town,” She sighed. “It was nice, I guess. The castle is pretty.”

“Isn’t that where all the Hylians live?” He scoffed. “You shouldn’t be out there. You should be with your people.”

“Duh, I’m here now, aren’t I?” Her voice was full of attitude as she rolled her eyes at him a second time. 

Ganondorf decided that he didn’t hate it. 

“Why’d you live there in the first place?” He folded his arms over his chest. 

“My daddy is a knight.” Ilula played with the hem of her shirt, rocking on her heels. “He works in the castle. But him and Mama had a fight, so she decided to move here.”

The boy made a thoughtful noise and nodded. “Well...I’m glad you’re here.”

“Why?” She tilted her head. 

“Because now I have a friend!” He grinned, grabbing her hands and spinning her around. 

Ilula shrieked with laughter, and he loved how it sounded. 

“We’re friends?” She asked, giggling as she fell still again.

“Yeah! I mean...do you wanna be?”

“Yes!” She looked relieved.

“Whats your name?” He asked. 

“Ilula.” She smiled.

“I’m Ganondorf. Future king of the Gerudo.” His grin widened.

“Yeah, very funny.” She said sarcastically. “You’re weird, but I’m glad I have a friend now. I tried to make friends before, but they just made fun of me…”

The boy frowned. “Who did?”

Ilula shrugged, nodding towards the archway she had come through. “A bunch of girls in the market. They wouldn’t play with me.”

His brow creased angrily. “Why?”

“They said I was too small. They thought I was five! I’m almost eight!”

“I’m already eight,” her new friend smirked.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. They were mean.”

His frown was back. “Did they make fun of you?”

“Yes.” She grumbled, kicking the sand. 

“Come on.” He grabbed her hand again, pulling her towards the market. 

“What are you doing?” She asked, short legs stumbling as she tried to keep up with the tall boy.

“Being a prince,” he growled. 

Ilula scoffed. There he went again, pretending to be royalty. She didn’t have much of a choice than to follow him, though, and she let him drag her back to where the girls were playing.

“Hey!” He snapped, standing in front of them.

They all immediately froze and snapped to attention, staring at him with wide eyes. 

“Y-yes?” One of them gulped. 

“Were you being mean to her?” He yanked Ilula forward, holding her up by her wrist as if she weighed nothing at all. She dangled in his grip, toes barely brushing the sand, but she found that she didn’t hate it. 

��N-no, Prince Ganondorf!” The girl who had bullied Ilula said quickly, taking a few steps back towards her friends.

“Then why wouldn’t you let her play with you?” He asked dangerously.

“Because—because she’s too small!” The girl stammered. “Sh-She wouldn’t be able to keep up!”

“Tell her you’re sorry,” he ordered, setting Ilula down.

“But—“

“Say you’re sorry!”

“W-we’re sorry!” She said. “P-please don’t tell my mom, she’ll be so mad at me…y-you can play whenever you want, you can be friends with us, I promise—“

“I don’t want to,” Ilula wrinkled her nose. “I have my own friend now.”

She turned away from them for the second time, spinning on her heel and marching away with her nose in the air. The girls stared after her in horror, looking back at the prince with wide eyes and gaping mouths. How could she turn her back on royalty and just walk away like that? She should be put to death for her rudeness! 

He gave the girls one last glare before turning to join the little foreigner, catching up with her short stride quickly. 

“That was awesome!” She exclaimed when they were out of earshot, stopping and turning to face him. “That was so cool, they were so scared of you! They—wait.” She paused as thoughts flew through her head. “They called you prince. Did you convince them like you tried to convince me? Wow, they’re dumb!”

He just stared at her before throwing his head back and laughing loudly. 

“What?” She asked. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” he chuckled. “Wanna go play?”

Ilula grinned and nodded and they were off, running through the market to have fun. 

Ganondorf showed her the aqueducts that carried fresh water throughout the city, laughing as she splashed him. He took her to see the sand seals living in pens just next to the side gate, telling her that soon, he was going to learn how to shield surf with one. After that, they ran up and down the palace steps, seeing how many they could each jump. The guards at the top of the stairs shared a bemused smile behind their veils, eyes crinkling with laughter as they watched their prince play with someone his age finally.

“This place is huge!” Ilula said, sitting down on a step. The sun was low in the sky, some of its heat finally ebbing as the evening air cooled. 

“Yeah, it is,” Ganondorf sat beside her, looking out over his city. “The desert is even bigger. It goes on and on forever.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” Ilula sighed. “I can’t wait to see everything.”

“I’ll show you,” he promised. “I’ve lived here my whole life. I know everything about the desert.”

“Then maybe one day I can show you Castle Town!” She said excitedly. “Deal?”

He grinned. “Deal.”

“My prince,” one of the guards from the top of the steps approached them. “It is growing late. Your mother wishes you to accompany her for supper.”

Ilula stared at the tall Gerudo guard. Maybe the whole prince thing wasn’t just a joke amongst children, after all...

Ganondorf sighed. “Can we take Ilula home first?”

The guard looked down at the runt and gave a quick nod. “Who is your mother, vehvi?”

“Kiluki,” She said, her voice suddenly as small as she felt. “She was in the market talking to Aunt Uvira…”

The guard’s gaze softened at the sound of an old friend’s name. “Very well. Let us go find her together.”

Spear in hand, she led the children down the steps. The setting sun was casting long shadows across the square, Gerudo all waving goodbyes as they headed home or to the spa or bar. The market was much less crowded than it had been during the day, shopkeepers drawing down the flaps on their stalls as they closed up for the night. 

“Ilula!” A voice called. 

“Mama!” Ilula ran forward as she spotted her mother still talking to Uvira at her stand. 

Kiluki caught her small daughter in an embrace, smiling as she picked her up and set her in her hip. “I see you’ve come back to me in one piece.”

“Of course,” the guard escorting the children said, coming to stand before Kiluki. “The prince and his friend were only playing on the palace steps today. I did not let them out of my sight.”

Kiluki’s eyes grew wide as Ganondorf stepped up next to the guard. “O-oh, my prince, forgive me—“ 

She tried to bow while holding Ilula, bending at the waist while her daughter clung to her arm for dear life. Ganondorf only laughed, enjoying the sight of such a close bond between the two, his hands clasped behind his back as he watched. 

“Ilula and I are friends now,” he told her. 

Kiluki looked at her daughter in shock. “...you befriended the prince?”

“I didn’t know he was the prince,” Ilula smiled sheepishly. 

“She didn’t believe me when I kept telling her.” Ganondorf piped up.

“...were you rude to the prince?” Her mother asked.

“No!” Ilula protested. “I wasn’t! Besides, he’s not the prince, he’s my friend.”

Kiluki shook her head in disbelief as Uvira laughed behind them. “You never cease to amaze me, vehvi.”

Ilula grinned, then squirmed in her mother’s grip. The moment she was let down, she ran forward to hug Ganondorf, and the boy happily wrapped his arms around her. He picked her up and spun her around, one of his new favorite games, his face alight with laughter as the two quickly began making plans to play in the morning.

“Thank you for keeping an eye on her,” Kiluki said to the guard as she watched her daughter and the prince. 

“Of course,” the guard dipped her head in a nod. “At the prince’s side is the safest place she could ever be.”

Kiluki nodded in agreement. She couldn’t believe how well everything had worked out. With a guard detail always keeping an eye on Ganondorf, Ilula would no doubt always be under their watch as well. Her daughter gained a friend, and Kiluki gained some peace of mind. 

“Come, my prince,” the guard said after a few more minutes. “We must let Ilula and Kiluki get home, and we must not keep your mother waiting.”

Ganondorf sighed and gave Ilula one last smile before joining the guard. Ilula waved after him as he walked towards the palace, her mother taking her hand to lead her to Uvira. 

“Well, how about that?” Ilula’s aunt chuckled. “Making friends on your very first day here!”

Ilula giggled. “He’s not just my friend. He’s the prince.”

[starberry-cupcake]

Free Short Stories: Aromantic Recommendations

Aro week is over but I spent it reading aro stories that are entirely accessible online (with their authors' consent) and thought I'd share some with you, as well as some extra resources. I’m going to include under “read more” content warnings and specific details, like the kind of rep included or important notes, so if you want to be sure and safe before reading them, you can click “read more” for all that information, or if you prefer just the blurb, avoid it easily enough. There you will also find the extra links of interest and other masterposts.

Edit: This post used to be split in two parts, I’ve integrated them into one whole post for everyone’s convenience. 

1. Nkásht ii by Darcie Little Badger

Josie and Annie set to investigate a strange death that may involve more than they expected. Sometimes the love that heals isn’t romantic and bonds that are strong are those chosen.

2. Hope of the Future by Elizabeth Barrette

In a fantasy setting, a human cleric finds an elf bard and a strong female dwarf, all cast aside for their identities, and create their own home and family. The same characters also appear in another poem that continued their story: The Underground Gardens.

3. Tanith’s Sky by Penny Stirling

Ash is left with the loss of Tanith, after she sacrifices herself to save the world. Tanith's memories resurface in people's minds and Ash has to navigate their identity, their memories and how to label for others’ sake their lost relationship.

4. And If The Body Were Not The Soul by A. C. Wise

Ro is a human who forms an unlikely bond with an alien refugee, discovering a different layer of proximity that doesn't chain to the type of physicality humanity sets. In that process of discovery, Ro learns about the other side of the social oppression in their own city.

5. The Crows Her Dragon’s Gate by Benjanun Sriduangkaew

An exploration of the background and re-telling of the story of the goddess Xihe. Marrying out of the obligation of customs and pressure, this story explores the feelings of Xihe, her relationship with Di Jun and the freedom she ultimately seeks.

6. The Girl Turns West by Darcie Little Badger

Another tale set in Native American culture (the author is a Lipan Apache writer), this story is about family, sacrifice and forms of non romantic love and devotion that transcend the limits of life and death.

7. Kin, Painted by Penny Stirling

The narrator can’t find a place in a family that seems so determined, so certain, painted each in a specific way. A poetic prose filled with magic and the colors that we paint ourselves with, which can sometimes change with time.

8. Cucumber by Penny Stirling

A queerplatonic couple in a fantasy setting deals with social pressure in a story written in poetic verse.

9. The Famine King by Darcie Little Badger

A woman is chased by fear, memories and a being that affects her relationship with her own identity and mental health, while finding refuge in a found family. These characters are also included in a previous story called To Sleep.

10. How My Best Friend Rania Crashed A Party And Saved The World by Ada Hoffman

Emma, a Relator, finds out that her best friend Rania, a World Saver, is being used by her boyfriend and can lose her credibility as a Hero for it, so she enlists a tech-savvy Number Fiend, Deborah, to crash a high school party in a forbidden sector to confront the guy.

11. Unlike Most Tides by Darcie Little Badger

Mathilda is in peace with her solitude until she communicates with energy beyond her understanding and finds the voice of a murdered woman who asks her for help to deal with her killer: her ex boyfriend.

Content Warnings and Extra Details

1. Nkásht íí by Darcie Little Badger

Details: urban fantasy, folklore, suspense, aromantic lead character, main platonic relationship between female characters. CW: minor characters deaths, accidents, the death of a child is mentioned, domestic abuse in flashbacks.

2. Hope for the Future by Elizabeth Barrette

Details: aroace male lead in a poly relationship with a female and male character, fantasy, story in poetry, happy ending. CW: arophobia and acephobia, family abandonment.

3. Tanith’s Sky by Penny Stirling

Details: fantasy, sci fi, drama, hurt/comfort. Main qp relationship between an aroace cis female lead and a non binary allo lead. The aroace lead is dead by the start of the story, which I had my hesitation about, but the story does a wonderful job capturing Tanith’s life in an aftermath of what would be another untold story, as well as Ash’s identity and their relationship, as well as the process of grief and moving forward. CW: major character death, grief, depression, transphobia, arophobia and acephobia.

4. And If The Body Were Not The Soul by A. C. Wise

Details: explicitly touch-averse asexual non binary lead, very likely aromantic (expressed but not named in the text), sci fi, social strife, hurt/comfort, found family and friendship (nb and cis female, nb and alien friendships). Many commenters have expressed that Ro is potentially an autistic character, some autistic authors and reviewers have agreed or disagreed but I couldn’t find whether the author stated that at any point. CW: mild depictions of violence, xenophobia, social issues and unrest, happy ending.

5. The Crows Her Dragon’s Gate by Benjanun Sriduangkaew

Details: the goddess Xihe is depicted as aroace yet marries the god Di Jun for a time in which she lives troubled. Fantasy, mythology, re-interpretations, angst with a happy ending. CW: internalized acephobia and arophobia, dubious consent, violence, animal death, toxic marriage, there is a side wlw couple of mortals who die.

6. The Girl Turns West by Darcie Little Badger

Details: there isn’t romance in the story, the lead character doesn’t seemingly have romance in the future and there is a side female character who explicitly rejects suitors and prefers to live independently yet with her family. Considering that the author has written several aroace characters, I decided to include this one and another story in Part 2 as strong potentials (there is another story by the same author that other sites recommend as aro-representative, but I think these two are a lot less vague). Fantasy, mythology, folklore, bittersweet ending. CW: death mentions, wounds and accidents, blood mentions.

7. Kin, Painted by Penny Stirling

Details: poetic prose, fantasy, aromantic lead character, trans male character, non binary characters.

8. Cucumber by Penny Stirling

Details: fiction in poetry form, queerplatonic relationship in a fantasy setting. CW: arophobia and acephobia, social pressure.

9. The Famine King by Darcie Little Badger

Details: mystery, suspense, horror, folklore, hurt/comfort, angst w/optimistic ending, explicit non romantic & non sexual main relationship between to female characters. CW: blood, wounds, cannibalism mentions, mental illness with hallucination episodes, racism.

10. How My Best Friend Rania Crashed A Party And Saved The World by Ada Hoffman.

Details: high school setting, uplifting, sci fi, aroace lead character in a friendship with a heterosexual girl and a bisexual girl. CW: arophobia by the best friend, which is not confronted or discussed, mentions of racism. Notes: I read this story for the Pride list last year and I didn't include it because I had a bone to pick with Rania's character. The story is fun, a lot more lighthearted than many of the ones here and has a distinct tone that makes it good to include, plus Emma (the lead) is a very friendly, social and well-liked person, rather than the traditional robot/alien foil aro, ace and aroace characters tend to receive. So, even if I'm still uneasy about Rania and how her bad attitude is not acknowledged in the story, I’m still including it for all its perks.

11. Unlike Most Tides by Darcie Little Badger

Details: there is a protagonist who prefers to live in solitude and speaks about it and about her favorable feelings towards it. It isn’t explicitly stated that she is aromantic but, much like The Girl Turns West in Part 1, I’d say it’s a good addition to the list, though it's probably the least explicit of the bunch. Mystery, supernatural, sci fi, suspense, positive ending. CW: murder, corpses, side character death, blood, femicide.

Other masterposts:

@coolcurrybooks's first and second masterpost I consulted

Penny Stirling's recommendation list

LGBTQReads recommendations list

Claudie Arsenault recommendation list

Aro and Ace character database

Aroaessidhe recommendations list

YA Pride masterlist

My own LGBTQ+ free short stories rec list from last year, some of these stories are in it but the majority is not

[larphacks]

Process Hack: Welfare

Hi all! After a long hiatus, ya boy is back with more unsolicited advice!

What are we talking about this week? It’s LARP welfare!

Common at medium and large games, the role of welfare officer, sometimes called “site parent”, and sometimes divided into crew welfare and player welfare, is very important. It’s also something which can go really smoothly if you do some decent prep before the event. I’ve been discussing the role with some LARPer friends recently, and I’ve put together some advice for good ways to tackle this role.

Some of the below advice falls into the category of sensible prep that everyone can do before a game too, so feel free to read even if you don’t hold (or want to hold) a position like this!

Some of the jobs I outline below might not fall into every welfare officer’s purview - mix and match as you choose. (If you’ve been asked to look after player or crew welfare and don’t know which of the below are your responsibilities, that means you need to have a chat with the chief organisers and find out!)

1. Positive Energy

This can be a surprisingly high-energy role. Particularly in the crew room, one of the most important things a welfare officer can do is be positive and energetic when everyone is feeling a bit tired and down. This is hard! But a bit of jollying-along goes a huge way to changing the dynamic. This is even harder when YOU'RE the one feeling tired and cold and sad. But if you are visibly struggling, nobody will approach you when they need help! A "brave face" is your best weapon.

2. Shut Up!

Sometimes you need to be the "voice of reason" - getting people to concentrate, or quiet down, when it's important that something needs to be done quickly. One good way to do this is to be cheerful enough most of the time that people LISTEN on the rare occasions that you raise your voice and ask them to please shut up for a minute.

3. Early Start, Late Finish

The two above points are ESPECIALLY important during set-up and take-down. You need to be "on the ball"/on duty during periods where other people are transiting into and out of the game. During set-up, your keen crew and players will all be busy frothing and sniffing each other's butts because they haven't seen each other for a year, they want to show off their new kit, and their adrenaline is through the roof. But - it's 30 minutes to time-in and nobody's in kit and the IC areas aren't set-dressed. You need to get them moving!

During take-down, everyone is exhausted, a bit overwhelmed, and wants to sleep (including the refs). But the site needs to be taken down, cleaned and tidied up, lost property needs to be organised, and there are always last-minute disasters involved in the logistics of getting people off site. You can't collapse now - your job isn't done. You might not be in charge of take-down, but you ARE the right person to gently corral and rally tired people towards the plan.

4. Who does what?

If you're the first point of call for someone who's having an issue, being able to confidently signpost to other crew is really important. So firstly, you should know exactly what the other other staff members do and where they're likely to be (in both time and space). If a player comes to you and says "I'm really struggling with the Sorcery rules and I feel very stupid", then sure, you can (and should!) offer them some immediate comfort and consolation. But in order to help them with the root of the problem, you need to know several bits of information:

a) What are the different staff members' responsibilities/expertises? Who does what? (Mike is the person who handles Sorcery rules.) b) Where in space are the other staff located? (Mike is currently refereeing the Clawed Fiend encounter on top of the hill.) c) When in time are the other staff available? (The Clawed Fiend encounter can't be interrupted. It is scheduled to end at 2100hrs. Mike should come back to the crew room after that.)

I'd also recommend you have a good "ticket-tracking" system to make sure your incoming queries are handled and nobody falls through the cracks. You could devolve this onto players ("Come back at 2110hrs and ask to speak to Mike") but it will help things flow smoothly if you are also logging things yourself. I'd recommend carrying a small notebook and pen so you can note things down and tick things off. You can also help things along by being an active communicator and setting the emotional context for solutions. If Mike comes back at 2100 and immediately gets jumped by an emotional player, he might be tired and confused and not give the best answer. But if he comes back and you tell him "There's a player who is having a bad time with the Sorcery rules, they seem quite distressed, I think you can help, they'll be around in 10 minutes" then he won't be surprised and will have the right bit of his brain switched on.

5. It’s all in the Filofax

There is admin information about players/crew which will really help you if something goes wrong too. I'd suggest having the following on-hand, glued into your notebook, on a tablet, or otherwise kept secure on your person (since some of it's sensitive personal data):

a) A list of everyone's allergies and medical conditions. b) A list of qualified first-aiders, and the locations of first-aid kits. c) A list of every vehicle on site, registration number against player/crew name, in case you need a car moved in a hurry. d) A rough understanding of who arrived from where, with whom. It doesn't need to be exhaustive, but if the vehicle which brought 6 people from London breaks down irrecoverably, then being able to help sketch out solutions to get those people and their kit home will be massively easier if you know roughly where people came from.

6. The Outside World

You are likely to also need to be able to signpost to help *outside* the game. If a player comes to you with a problem that can't be fixed with on-site resources, what are you going to do about it? You can't predict every scenario, but at a minimum I'd suggest having the following prepared:

a) A breakdown service for the vehicle that won't start (in the UK the most common is the AA). b) A mental health or emotional support helpline, like the Samaritans (116123). c) The emergency number for injured wildlife - in the UK, the RSPCA (0300 1234 999). d) The emergency and non-emergency medical numbers (in the UK: 999 emergency, 111 non-emergency) and police numbers (UK: 999 emergency, 101 non-emergency). e) A clear understanding of where on site you can get mobile phone signal. f) A plan for how you would get an ambulance onto site if you needed one: run through the whole thing (where on site can I get enough signal to call the ambulance? What is the postcode of the site, and do I have a set of clear directions to give the dispatcher in my notebook? Who am I sending to the site entrance to walk the ambulance on? Is their most likely route of approach clear for a large vehicle?). If you've never called an ambulance in this country, then ask someone who *has* to practice with you, so you understand what questions they'll ask and in what order.

7. Kit & kaboodle

The following are things which LARPers reliably fail to provide for themselves, and which you will benefit greatly if you have on hand. Find out from the organisers what your budget is, and buy accordingly:

a) Salty snacks (crisps/nuts) and quick energy (sweets/fruit). Keep a small separate store aside from the usual 'crew food' to help someone who is struggling. b) The ability to make a hot sweet drink in a hurry. c) Hydration solution (Dioralyte, Powerade, or the cheap alternative, which is six teaspoons of sugar and half a teaspoon of salt per litre of clean water). d) Paper and pens. e) High-powered torch (for searching for lost objects). f) Your own phone on an in-country network, plus at least one charged mobile phone powerbank with multiple charger ends. g) Ice packs - ideally the "squeeze to activate" sort so you aren't relying on the site freezer. (Most common item left out of first aid kids - and immediate relief/comfort for the most common LARP injuries.) h) Warm blankets. i) An idea of how you'd provide a simple hot meal in a hurry. (This could be a packet of rice you can chuck in the microwave, a cup-soup and kettle, a ration pack and a Jetboil, or a good understanding of what the caterers' plan is for an emergency meal.)

If someone is in a lot of distress, going through the process of dealing with their physical needs (food/water/temperature/etc.) can often help them become better able to communicate their psychological/emotional needs. Often a LARPer who is dehydrated or low on blood sugar doesn't KNOW that's the problem, they just know they feel awful and are crashing hard.

8. Know the Ground

KNOW YOUR SITE - I can't stress this enough. If someone has a costume disaster and needs somewhere private to change, where can they do that? If someone is overwhelmed and needs a quiet, safe, cool (or warm) room or tent to lie down in for an hour, where can they do that? If a shy new player shows up and asks "Where do I put my kit?", then being able to answer them quickly and competently with a smile on your face will immediately endear you (and mean that they WILL come to you later, when they're suffering, instead of sitting alone on their bed being sad about it).

9. Late Bloomers

What is the late arrivals plan? If you went IC at 1900 and the traffic means some of your players don't arrive till 2200, then most of your key refs/crew will be busy running the game. You're the most likely person to escort the late arrivals onto site, get them set up, and get them integrated into the game. You'll need to reassure, but you'll also need to understand a lot of admin details to make sure they don't feel any more overwhelmed and embarrassed than they already do. This might involve giving a second safety briefing, pointing out any last-minute changes that weren't included in the game pack, and pointing them to the right ref to get their characters timed in. You can be as nice and friendly as you like - but some people will be even more reassured by practical, reliable and clear directions when they’re feeling rushed and panicky.

10. Herd those Cats

What is the crew plan? Depending on role, you may or may not be involved in "crew wrangling" - this is often a separate role, and deserves its own post. But even if you aren't "crew boss", you need to understand and be able to help balance crew energy and engagement. If there are long periods where crew are likely to be sitting around bored, where are the "pick-up-and-play" roles they can briefly read, digest, and go out to engage in? If crew are doing three hours of back-to-back combat roles, where is the plan for ensuring that they're all fed, watered, rested and properly kitted before their next high-energy role? The best refs will have considered this and have a clear plan for managing crew in small teams to maintain their energy levels - but as a welfare officer you are likely to be the advocate/interface if it doesn't seem to be working well, so make sure you understand where the weak spots and frictions in the plan might be so you can deal with them in advance.

What happens if a crew member comes to you and says they're really struggling with their NPC role and aren't enjoying it? (If you're the approachable face, they'll likely come to you first before a busier ref!) Do you understand the crew matrix well enough to think about solutions, alternative roles they could do, or how the timetable could be re-worked to end their role early? Wherever possible, you should strive to go to the refs with a solution rather than a problem: "Harry is struggling and I think if we brought the poisoning forward an hour, then let him play a gremlin for the rest of the night, that would fix it" is better than "Harry is struggling". They may not accept your solution, but the conversation is already moving onto alternative ways to fix the problem.

11. Easy In, Easy Out

How do players enter/leave the game if they're fatigued or unwell? Your game may not have a clear system for this, and it may be players' own responsibility to manage their fatigue. However, some will struggle to cross the IC/OC divide here: if the character is fighting for their life, how do they resolve that with the player needing to have a lie-down for an hour so they're safe to drive the next day? One of the best games I've run had a clear, signposted system where players who needed a break could "vanish" IC (with a clear IC logic for their disappearance) and take as much time as they wanted. When they were rested, they could go see a ref for a special briefing which told them what had happened while they were away (and explained how they reappeared). You won't find this in every game, but think about ways to make taking an OC break feel like a positive and productive experience, which leaves the character with plenty to talk about when they return, rather than a potentially embarrassing one which leaves the player out-of-the-loop and feeling like they've missed out on the fun.

12. Look After Number One!

Practice active self-care, both to facilitate all of the above and as a good example to others. Going back to the first point, most people can't project positive energy if they're sad, wet, cold, tired and hungry. Have a routine worked out to look after yourself. Understand what you can and can't do and work to your limitations. If you have lots of physical energy but are struggling to deal with six emotional crises in a row, get up and walk around site. If moving exhausts you, pick a central location to base yourself and make sure all the things you need to do your job are in easy reach.

Feel free to reblog with your own additions, checklist items or hacks for looking after your fellow LARPers’ welfare. Suggestions gratefully accepted!

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 14

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 14

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“Tt. I will cut that stupid harlot into pieces.” Damian scowled. He, Allegra, Claude, Jon, Felix, Marinette, and Chloé sat at one of the prime tables in the cafeteria. His wife just finished telling them what happened after the initiation meeting.

“Maybe we don’t immediately jump to murder?” Claude suggested.

“I agree. We don’t have a place to hide a body yet.” Chloé supplied. 

“That’s not what… nevermind.” Allegra sighed. 

“Dami! I appreciate the thought, but maybe keep it as plan Z?”

“Plan Z is where I need more than one body bag.” He grumbled but nodded. “But we can postpone it.”

“Okay. Let’s act rationally and focus on prevention. Teachers will be useless.” Felix chose to act as the voice of reason.

“I really hoped it would be different than Paris…” Marinette moaned.

“It is. If they actually catch her, she will be expelled. But you’re not exactly the headmaster’s favorite person while Erica seems to be held high by him. We would need a solid proof and she is cunning.” Claude explained. 

“Remember Lucy Hunt?” Allegra asked. “She did something to attract Erica’s wrath and she had to move to Metropolis after she had a mental breakdown. Nothing was ever proven and to the naked eye it would look like a series of coincidences.”

“So she is smarter than Lila?” The shorter Parisian asked, worried about what was to come.

“Nah. She just knows how to talk with the right people.” Claude dismissed. 

“First order of business would be to ensure she has nothing real to hurt you with.” Felix started. 

Damian and Marinette shared a worried gaze before the boy spoke. “The site is foolproof. Drake made sure to use some of the best technology we have to protect it. Not even a super AI can hack it.” He subtly nodded his head to where Max and Markov ate. Kim and Alix were with them. The skater girl looked really upset. “Same with social media. Short of an alien invasion or if someone physically broke into where we hid the servers, you’re safe on that front.” 

It clearly took a lot of weight from her shoulders. 

“Okay, now onto blackmail?”

“Tt. That’s not something to discuss where we can be overheard.” Damian quickly shut that topic down. 

“Right. Sorry.” Jon rubbed the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry, Kent. I’m covering that front.” Chloé smirked. 

“That’s great…” Claude started, but then pointed toward another table, with quite a lot of people. “Is that Erica… and you said that Sausage Hair was Layla Bossi?”

“Lila Rossi,” Chloé corrected him. “But I like Lie-la Bossi better now.”

“They seem… friendly..” Jon commented when the two girls hugged.

“I would actually expect them to be rivals, given that both want Damian,” Allegra noted. 

“Are they… crying?” Marinette asked.

“Crocodile tears.” Felix glared at them. “They are up to something. I don’t…” He never got to finish, because a purple butterfly descended from the ceiling and landed on Erica’s ring. The corrupted energy surrounded her momentarily and when it died out, her whole appearance was changed.

She now wore a black one-piece cheerleader uniform, similar to what GA cheerleaders wore, except it was black with red lines and not lilac with a white finish. On her chest, there was, in a jagged script, written ‘Gargoyle’. Her face was now in a light shade of red, with tear stains permanently etched on her cheeks. Her eyes were entirely white. Her blonde hair was turned into a messy mane and two horns stood proudly on her forehead. Her lower legs turned into that of a goat, complete with hooves. She was now holding a whip in one hand and a burning pompon in the other. Small wings were folded on her back.

“A succubus! +10 to charisma and +5 to strength!” A small Asian girl shouted from the nearby table.

“I am Weeping Gargoyle!” The Akuma spoke. “I’ve been used by the one I held dear and now I’m going to get what I was denied. But first,” the creature turned to Marinette and her friends. “You! I’m going to deal with you!” 

“Frick frack I lost me…” Claude started some rhymed joke, but a fireball sailing toward them shut him up. 

Thinking quickly, Marinette flipped over the table to use it as an impromptu cover. Damian kicked the ground and a sword popped from next to his chair. Nobody had time to question how he hid it there because everyone scattered. There was nowhere to transform in all the havoc.

“What’s going on here?” Headmaster Hammer walked through the front doors to the cafeteria to see a demonic cheerleader tossing flaming pompons that exploded. “Teenagers.” He growled. From under his cloak, he drew a saber and took a battle stance. “Fiend!” He rushed at her. The whip slashed at him, but the headmaster deflected it with an incredible show of swordsmanship. This created an opening for Damian to charge from the other side. He managed to dodge the flaming ball and slice at her hand. At the last moment, the wing shielded the Akuma and his blade bounced off without leaving the slightest cut. The headmaster was met with the same fate. 

“Stupid men!” The Akuma shouted. A ring of fire exploded from her, pushing and burning both of the attackers. 

“Run.” Headmaster snapped at Damian. “I’ll hold her off.” 

“Tt. You’re old. Get to safety.” The boy snapped back.

“You’re so getting detention for this!” Hammer scowled as the two dodged their separate ways.

“Hey! The tryouts are in the gym!” A voice spoke from a hole in the roof. A spotted heroine leaped from the hole while throwing a yo-yo at the Akuma. The cheerleader shielded with her wings before flapping them and lifting from the ground. 

“You’re not who I want! I’ll get your miraculous later!” She flew through the same hole the heroine entered through. The whole cafeteria was now on fire. Ladybug met Damian’s gaze for a moment before grabbing the headmaster and jumping outside. He was in bad condition from all the smoke. 

She laid him on the ground to make sure he was okay. He coughed several times before the professor was able to speak correctly. “What about the brat!”

“I’m going in now.”

“No need.” Black Cat appeared next to them. “I got him out. We’re lucky the main doors were still working because the rooftop fell apart after I entered.” 

“Cat! The Akuma will be on her ring. It was what created all the fire.”

“Tt. Let’s go.” The two jumped away from the headmaster, who hid a small smile.

-----------

Three girls and two boys snuck around the campus. Most of the students were already evacuated, but they managed to stay undetected and remain in the action area.

“I still think we shouldn’t go after a supervillain.” Kyle tried, but Maps made a gesture that told him to stop speaking.

“Sh! I’m telling you, it was Erica. A butterfly landed on her and she suddenly transformed into that monster.”

“I read about it. It was a demon. The Lord of Butterflies sent it to take her over. If we aren’t careful, it will turn all of us into that monster.”

“Olivia? You’ve got the crossbow?”

“Please. Demon? Lord of Butterflies?” Colton criticized. “Are you sure it wasn’t just some manga?”

“Shut up! How else would you explain what happened to Erica?” Pomeline asked. “It’s obviously dark magic.”

“Okay. Assuming it is dark magic, how are we supposed to protect ourselves? I’m pretty sure I don’t have tinfoil hats on me.”

“Fool. The only thing that can protect you from the Lord of Butterflies are positive emotions.” She spoke like it was an obvious fact, yet still making it sound ominous. 

Abruptly, the wall they were hiding behind exploded, and a girl dressed in a skintight red and black outfit flew past them. A boy in assassin garb followed. He landed on his feet and started to spin a staff fast enough to create a shield. Several fireballs flew at him, but they all smashed into the shield harmlessly. 

He noticed them cowering behind the wall.

“Tt. What are you doing here!? Get away! Now!”

Ladybug jumped up and leaped from behind him, throwing her yoyo. It wrapped over the leg of the villain and pulled the flying Akuma down. Cat charged past his partner and smashed her with his baton like it was a baseball bat, sending her into the wall. 

“Lucky Charm!” The heroine tossed the yo-yo above her head and a red-and-black watermelon fell into her arms. With only a moment’s hesitation, she tossed it to Cat, who already knew what to do. Once more playing baseball, he redirected the watermelon over to the akuma. She just managed to get it together when the fruit landed on her horns and got stuck. The change of weight made her fall, which Ladybug used to dash toward her and tie her with her own whip. She then pulled the ring from her finger and crushed it in her hand. 

A purple butterfly escaped her grasp, which she caught into her yo-yo. 

“Bye Bye little butterfly.” She then grabbed the watermelon and tossed it high in the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!” 

The item exploded into a swarm of glowing bugs that fixed everything there was to fix. It looked like the supervillain never attacked. 

“What… I…” Erica was back to normal and very confused. “There was… I remember…”

“Don’t worry. The paramedics will be with you shortly.” Ladybug calmed her. There was a bit of cold in her voice, but it was probably because she just finished fighting her a moment ago.

“I told you it’s magic.” Pomeline grinned victoriously while she whispered at Colton.

“Ehm.” Suddenly, the group was startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them. “Mind explaining to me why are you here and not evacuated with everyone else?”

“Oh! Um… You see…” Maps started, but Pomeline was too focused on something else. “Where did you learn magic! Can you teach me?! I mean we go to school here and I want to help if Lord of Butterflies and his Demons attack again!”

“Lord of Butterflies?” Ladybug walked to them and asked, again startling the whole group.

“Yes. There was an old book in the library. I managed to decipher part of it and it spoke of the Lord of Butterflies and Demons he sent to possess people. But there is only so far a translator on my phone could take me. I’m not exactly fluent in Mandarin.”

“Can you lead us to it?” The superheroine was showing almost too much interest.

“Will you teach me magic?” Pomeline tried to bargain. 

“Tt. You will take us there or we return with the police and you will take us there.” Black Cat was not in the mood. Blackmail was the last thing he wanted right now. 

“Fine.” The girl scoffed and led them toward the library.

“How did you summon a watermelon?” The smallest girl asked zooming over to Ladybug. “Are you a summoner? I never played a summoner. They have some nice spells I suppose…”

Ladybug, against herself, giggled at the girl’s antics. She also noted in the corner of her eyes that Damian was also smiling under the hood. 

Nobody noticed when Erica slipped away.

-------

The library was large and dusty. It didn’t look like many people came here.

“It’s the old building. When Bruce Wayne funded a new library with new books, they decided to just keep the old one as an archive. Now only people that come here are us and Mr. Scarlet.”

“The new library totally had nothing to do with Damian Wayne getting expelled for the fourth time.” Colton joked and Ladybug giggled when Black Cat muttered a curse under his breath. 

“The book was in the back. I didn’t want to move it…” 

When they turned the corner, they saw a woman in a blue and purple dress standing over a book with a tablet. She was taking pictures of the pages. Her skin was blue and her hair purple. 

The group immediately pressed against the wall, and Pom pulled a handheld mirror to take a look around the corner without risk of being spotted. Meanwhile, Ladybug and Black Cat looked at one another and their faces took a serious expression. There was a kind of silent dialogue going on between them and they both nodded at the same time. In complete silence, Cat used his staff to up and meld with the shadows. Only his green eyes were visible until they too disappeared. 

Ladybug opened her Yo-Yo like a phone and took a photo of the feathered villain. She was turned to them, but even something as simple as that could be a major help. Kwami bless magical phones for making perfect pictures without a flash. 

With the proof needed, she aimed her yo-yo, spun it twice around before throwing it forward. The projectile sailed true and wrapped around her arm holding the tablet. The villainess was surprised and let go of the tool as Ladybug yanked on the line and made her opponent lose balance. That was the cue for Black Cat, who swooped from the ceiling, snatched the tablet, and leaped back into the shadows. 

“Ugh! Stupid peasants!” The Peacock cursed. Instead of freeing her hand, she allowed the fan to slip into her hand and unfolded it. She tried to pull on the yo-yo’s line and make her opponent fly to her. It worked, but Ladybug twisted mid-air and came at the villainess feet first in a kick. The blue woman had to block it, but she still held the line. The heroine used it for her advantage and flipped the line over Peacock’s neck and started to choke her. It also held her in place. Black Cat, who already deposited the tablet in a safe place, swept down and tried to grab the brooch, but he got kicked back by an angry woman, fighting for a breath. 

Peacock folded her fan and swiped at the line, cutting it and making Ladybug fall on her back. The Villainess took a deep breath and looked around to analyze her situation. She was outnumbered and the element of surprise was still on her opponents’ side. Even without the yo-yo, Ladybug was a formidable foe and she wasn’t sure who the new Black Cat was. She had a silent suspicion, but nothing solid. 

“Until we meet again, fools.” She leaped up and onto the shelves. Cat went in pursuit, but she saw the kids hidden behind one of the shelves and purposefully made it fall when she jumped onto it. The kids didn’t have enough time to scatter. Predictably, Black Cat went to save the kids. 

He pushed Maps from under the falling shelf but got stuck there himself. His suit and enhanced body could withstand it, but not his bruised ego. 

“Don’t be a grumpy cat. We’ve got her tablet.” Ladybug stood over him and grinned before helping him stand up. 

“Tt. We might have our first lead.” He grinned. 

“Let’s go check the book itself. The fact she was after it makes me think it has more value than I first suspected.”

----------------

Masterlist // Next

[aizawaskittenwhore]

internal affairs

pairing: shota aizawa x poc!reader

words: 5.6k (LMFAOOOO I GOT CARRIED AWAY ENJOY) lowercase vv intentional

warnings/kinks: alcohol, swearing, degradation, praise, spit if you squint, breeding kink???ish sorta kinda yeah, begging, use of the pet name kitten, bondage, caught while masturbating

synopsis: aizawa thinks sex is generally a waste of time and energy. after finding you, (his close friend and coworker) in a...compromising position one night when he’s returning something to your dorm, he learns some information that has him wanting to waste some time with you..and energy. ;)

a/n: it’s been forever since i’ve written smut let alone with a poc reader so go easy on me LMFAOOOO

nsfw below the cut, let’s get it!

shota aizawa could, honestly, live without sex.

he just didn’t see the necessity of it, all the exhaustion and sweat just for a sudden rush of dopamine that lasts all of a minute before the stickiness sets in. before exhaustion settles over every muscle and renders you immobile, confined to the infamous postcoital wet spot while you make plans to wash your sheets—

as soon as you can regain control of the burn in your lungs, that is.

in between teaching during the day, patrolling in the evenings while still managing to grade papers, establishing lesson plans, taking care of his cat yuki and occasionally having to watch over his more “at-risk” students (cough midoriya cough) sex just didn’t take enough priority in his life for him to be interested in it. his right hand did the job just fine most nights, and he didn’t see the need to involve another person when it came to something he was more than proficient at handling by himself. he had no shame in the way he chose to live his life, it was practical and didn’t interfere with any of his responsibilities; a perfect setup.

at least, until he told you this same information over drinks one friday.

“please say you’re joking.” you chuckle, brows aloft in amusement. your fingertips dance along the rim of your shot glass before you raise it to your lips, the bitter and potent sake you ordered beginning to blossom warmly across your cheeks. “i’m serious. the hell would i gain from having some complete stranger try to learn how to please me when i can just do it myself?” aizawa queries, index finger and thumb taking residence along the upper neck of his beer bottle, grimacing harshly as he takes another swig. “i always get this shit every time we come here, and every time it’s always terrible.” he sets the bottle to his left, reaching for a shot glass instead to wash down the acrid taste. the bar is moderately populated today, with other pros scattered among tables and booths while engrossed in their own conversations; the background noise serving as the perfect buffer for the x-rated nature of your conversation.

you normally hate drinking after work, it always made you sluggish for the rest of the night, but aizawa owed you a favor after you took on the grading process of 1-a’s exams while he went out on patrol a few nights ago. he hadn’t wanted to ask so much of you as you were already training class 1-b and doing presentations for general studies that week, but after seeing the state of exhaustion the man was in you’d insisted, suggesting he get the bill next time the two of you hung out to make up for it. “but don’t you get tired of it? you know....masturbating?” you pry, right hand coming up to make a crude jerking motion to emphasize your point. “ i mean...you already know what you like, and the quickest way to get yourself there. there’s no exploration, no variety, you don’t get to really try anything new.” a teasing smile already settled across your lips.

aizawa falters for a moment, mouth pulled into a tight stance that signals his contemplation. head low, shoulders hunched, appearing to deeply ponder your question and how to answer it. you worry, for a moment, that you may have overstepped in your attempt to get a rise out of your quiet friend. however, worry soon liquifies into a fierce heat as a low chuckle rattles through him; shota glancing up at you through rebellious strands of hair that, regardless of his quirk, never seem to stay in place. “and what, y/n , would you happen to know about sexual exploration?” he shoots back, two slender fingers and a calloused thumb sending another shot down his throat with ease.

you flush, all your nerves on high alert as his rich, onyx irises seem to detect the growing arousal settling between your thighs, pleased at the reaction his question emitted. “i-i’m just saying that it’s got to get boring sometimes...just doing the same old routine whenever you’re in the mood!” you stutter, clearing your throat after you choke on the last syllable of your sentence. “that wasn’t my question.” he remarks, eyes slicing through any attempt at keeping your composure, yet you don’t budge.

“well, if you just have to know aizawa -“ you drag out the final consonant to mock his inquisitive nature, before continuing your tangent, “-sex doesn’t always have to be about the orgasm. i mean sure, it’s a pretty fucking fun part of it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s the foreplay, the newness of being with someone you haven’t been with before that really just...ties it all together. figuring out what they like, having them explore what you like, letting them take you in new and different ways...” you trail off, a blush now having settled across your cheeks, albeit impossible to clock thanks to the deep brown reach of your skin complexion.

“it’s worth the effort, is what i’m sayin’. you never know, you might like things that you didn’t think you would...like getting tied up or spit on or something..” you finish, now feeling his gaze settle over you like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. you quickly busy yourself with thanking your bartender as she slides you the tab, trying checking out the damage so you wouldn’t have to make eye contact with aizawa after that very honest admission. he quickly swipes the little book from your reach, depositing the black card inside with minimal resistance and returning the tab to its original position with a “don’t. i owe you, remember?”

damned cat-like reflexes.

fuck pro-hero training.

fuck the growing amount of slick saturating (and ruining) the simple maroon panties you’d chosen when getting ready for work today.

and most of all, fuck shota aizawa for being able to make your blood run hot by paying a fucking tab and giving you a look or two.

“right. thanks, by the way. but if i can’t get up for that meeting nezu’s holding tomorrow, i’m blaming you.” you’re hoping a bit of humor will distract you from the way your body is overheating from being within such close proximity to him, and the way your core is pulsing around nothing as if it were fiending for his presence. “not my fault you’re a lightweight, so blame me all you want sweetheart.” shota dryly rebounds, a mirthful smile on his face in response to the way you roll your eyes and suck your teeth, flipping him off.

“if you wanted to fuck me, you could’ve just asked.”

you’d pale, if you could.

your jaw collapses, eyelashes batting double time while you struggle to process what the fuck just came out of his mouth. six seconds go by before you begin babbling, voicing your opposition to his prior statement with phrases such as “wait wait wait, what did you sayyyy?” and ”bye because that didn’t even come out my mouth i-“

while he just...laughs. he finds your attempts to clarify your alleged non-existent sexual attraction to him hilarious, and even mentions that he finds it adorable as the two of you begin to make your way back to the teachers’ dorms. he holds the door open for you as you head inside, chuckling to himself as you continue to playfully curse him out while you walk to the women’s side of the building.

that was seven hours ago.

it’s currently 12:47am, and you’re struggling to catch even a wink of shuteye. you’re starting to regret having that sake earlier, since alcohol always fucks with your sleep schedule, but that isn’t what’s keeping you up tonight.

no, no, that would happen to be the unprofessional and honestly straight up shameful thoughts you’re having about your friend and coworker, shota. vivid images of those slender fingers sliding into you one by one, each one filling you more than the last, float past your lids every time you close your eyes. daydreams of his tongue on your clit, tracing patterns into the sensitive nerves while he calls you his good girl, his kitten, his slut, hands forcing your thighs apart as they shake from each and every time you cum around those devilish lips of his. fantasies of his capture weapon binding your hands behind you, fingers dangling helplessly while his hand rests on the small of your back to serve as leverage for each and every time he slides in. face pressed into the mattress as he fucks into you slowly, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of having him so deep so quickly. voice hoarse, tone pleading when you beg him to take you deeper, harder, promising to take it like a good girl would if he would just keep hitting that spot that makes your toes curl, yes right there, fuck-

you flip your pillow over in an attempt to cool the sweltering heat below the waistband of your panties, but it’s no luck. you should've been asleep two hours ago. staring hopelessly at the ceiling, lost in your mind as you watch the streetlights’ beams flicker through your window, streams of light disturbed by nearby tree branches. right hand slowly sliding down your body, from your breasts to the curves of your waist before settling right on the top of your panties. your fingers begin to flutter above your dripping core.

‘this is wrong. i shouldn’t do this.’ you chide yourself, but your body has already made up it’s mind.

and soon a cord wound so tightly within your body it could suffocate you...snaps.

the tip of your middle finger dips down to your pussy to collect the slick gathered there, and you groan at the sheer amount of it.

he really got you fucked up.

thinking of how he would tease, you circle your throbbing clit, touch feather light to the point where it feels like borderline torture. middle finger and ring finger conjoined to shallowly dip inside you once, twice, then three times before filling you completely.

but it’s not enough.

it’s not him.

you sigh at the way the tips brush against your g-spot, beckoning them forward until you physically arch into your hand as though it were connected to the subject of your little self love session.

“fuck...”

shota’s pov

he’d taken a short break from his current grading session to stretch, and grab a small snack when he noticed it.

you’d left your id tag with him when you’d turned in for the evening, as the two of you had used his id to get on to school grounds since your hands were full with your work bag, your purse, and takeout from the bar. he must have forgotten to give it back to you after you asked him to hold it, he was too busy admiring how cute you looked while trying to prove you didn’t want to fuck him.

not that he would mind if you did, of course.

he’d developed something of a crush on you over the past few weeks since you’d been working more closely together as hero course teachers, and he got to know you outside of a strictly work environment.

you’re funny, intelligent, clever (which is a turn on for him since he needs someone he can bounce off of), and it doesn’t hurt that you’re easy on the eyes.

really, really easy on the eyes. fuck.

he scratched the back of his neck as he felt the familiar flush begin to creep up his face, hoping the pain would will away the consistent hard-on he got whenever he focused too much on your smile, or the way your shoulders shake when you laugh, or the curve of your hips and how they look like they would be a perfect fit for his vice grip as he eased you onto his dick, looking you right in the eyes before drilling up into you. eyes shimmering with such pretty tears from how sensitive she was, neck littered with marks from his earlier ministrations, voice shaky as she begged him to fill her, pump her full of every last drop cause she’s been so so good-

‘damn it shota. just go give her the fucking tag, she’ll need it tomorrow morning.’ he snapped internally, looking at his tented black sweats with dismay. it took everything within him not to make a sly comment on how getting himself off is never boring when it’s to a different fantasy of you each time, but if there’s nothing else he prided himself upon, it was his self discipline.

forcing himself to remember the time he caught hizashi shaving his left testacle and only the left one to make his erection less obvious, he grabbed her id and his own, and made his way to the women’s wing of the hero course dorms. it was old school, men weren’t allowed on the women’s side and vice versa on campus, however with this being the hero course some were granted special admin privileges should there ever be an emergency.

he happened to be one of them.

making quick work of finding your room, he leaned against the threshold, left arm poised to knock when he heard a soft hiss. a little rustling, and another sound, indiscernible thanks to your door.

“fuck...”

body stiffening at the swear, he paused, wondering if maybe you had been hurt or perhaps injured. it was in his nature to, despite his sarcastic and faux-apathetic disposition, be a hero no matter what. using what little force he could in an attempt to not frighten a possible intruder or make a bad situation worse, shota silently swung your door open and scanned the room for any possible threats.

he didn’t find any.

instead he found you, lacy black panties around your left ankle as you curled your middle and ring finger inside of you, moans bubbling out of your throat with a hand twisting and pinching your pretty brown nipples as you went. still completely unaware of his presence you sigh before letting out the prettiest and neediest little whine that went straight to his dick.

“mm...shota..please baby~“ you keen, fingers quickening their pace inside of your pussy, the streetlights from the nearby sidewalk casting a copper toned glean on the strings of slick connecting your fingers to the soaked paradise that was between your thighs. he freezes, thinking you’ve noticed his presence when it hits him-

you were fucking your fingers as if they were his own.

you’d said his name.

you wanted to fuck him just as badly as he wanted to fuck you.

and despite being a pro and having been in life threatening situations, instances where he’s had to make split second decisions without worrying whether they were right or not....here he has absolutely no idea what to do. he feels dirty, watching you in such a...compromising situation. even though you just said his name with about two-

now three-

-soaked fingers sliding in and out of your cunt, he knows he shouldn’t be here. out of respect for you, he takes about two steps backwards and tries to leave the room as silently as he came in, willing the universe to just let him have this as a pleasant memory for when he gets into bed tonight. but, like most times in his 31 years of existence, he can never get a moment of peace.

so he manages to trip over your shoes from earlier right as he was about to hit the hallway.

oh, and drops the id tags, of course.

y/n’s pov

the noise sends a chill through each and every nerve of your body, eyes firing open only to be greeted with the sight of a very flustered aizawa vehemently cursing out a pair of your boots, two id tags pooled at his feet. “what the fuck?!” digits wrenched from your body and hands clawing for your duvet in a last ditch attempt to preserve what little modesty you had left. “i- i just came to give you your id, and i heard you swear so i thought you might’ve been hurt or something, i didn’t see anything!” aizawa spat apprehensively, while simultaneously cursing his dick for choosing this particular moment to get incredibly aroused, and thanking himself for tucking his erection into his waistband earlier before he’d walked over in case he ended up talking to you. “oh my god. oh..my god i am so fucking sorry i-i know it was wrong and i totally understand if you don’t wanna be friends anymore just please don’t tell nezu i really really love this job-“ you begin to wail, teardrops nestling into your waterline before finally pooling over and breaking you, causing you to cry even more.

“i’m not mad at you y/n.” aizawa coos softly.

“-and i know i crossed so many lines and it’s selfish for me to ask that of you but i don’t know what i would do without UA-“

“y/n.” he calls, sitting beside you on the pillow soft mattress, his capture weapon pooling to the floor and briefly reminding him he’d brought it with him to begin with.

“-and if i’m being honest i’ve had a crush on you for forever and i was just too much of a coward to come and tell you myself so instead of being a woman about it i kept having these fantasies and i’m so fucking sorry aizawa-“

“shota. call me shota.” he tilts your chin up with his right hand so he can see your pretty brown orbs swimming in tears, before taking his left hand and thumbing away the still-wet tear tracks. you blink away your tears, brows furrowing in confusion at why he’s not angry, why you’re not packing up your dorm and turning in your letter of resignation right now. “it sounded so pretty when you’d said it earlier, why stop now?” he murmurs, those powerful ebony eyes taking you in by the gallon, half lidded as he looks you up and down.

so he did see everything.

and he wasn’t mad.

and you swear on everything you love that you just saw his length twitch through those black sweats, so he definitely shared the same sentiment.

“s-so you’re sure you’re not mad?” you sniffle, hands reaching to cover his as you lean into his lithe form, needing to feel his warm and comforting embrace. “positive.” he looks down at the way you’re nuzzled into his chest, arms shifting so that they’re wrapped around your back as you let out a sigh of relief. he softly taps you after a few minutes, needing to shift to a more comfortable position as his dick is pressing into his stomach this way, and it’s only making him firmer.

“can...can i kiss you?” he asks gingerly, heart fluttering at the way your eyes meet his and your head slowly nods, fingers fumbling to find his hand so you can hold it. his lips slot against yours, moving tenderly at first before the kiss begins to increase in intensity, your tongue moving fluidly with his, pulling away only to breathe before diving back into one another.

“those pretty lips taste so sweet...makes me wonder if you’re sweet all over, hm?”

you preen at the compliment, body craving his touch, his energy, his undulations, everything about him.

“tell me you don’t want this, and we’ll stop.” he mutters against your neck, soft kisses quickly turning to him sucking marks into your collarbone. it drove him insane, watching the reddish purple hues blossom across your skin mingling with the mocha of the rest of your body.

you didn’t have any intention on stopping though.

not for a fucking second.

“please...need you so bad.” you sigh close to his ear, taking his earlobe between your teeth and dipping a hand between the two of you to paw at his throbbing length. that seemed to do the trick just fine, his pulse spiking before he flipped the two of you with a quickness you’d only seen him use in battle. hands reaching for the nape of his neck as he tugged his shirt over his head, you watched in awe; you’d known sho was fit as he patrolled nightly, along with the consistent training he’d engaged in with his students. you just didn’t expect a simple long sleeve sweater to give way to toned abdominals, slender yet powerful arms in addition to a thick black happy trail that dipped below his waistband.

it wasn’t until he’d tugged down the lace covering your slit, (so hard it ripped), that you realized just how much he craved you. gazing at your core intently he spread you apart with his middle and forefinger, eyes nearly rolling out of his head with how you were dripping so much for him. you tried to shift your hips in an effort to get him to do something, anything, but that was shut down with a hand forcing your right thigh outwards and spreading you even wider.

“no no. keep them spread. let me watch you try to keep them open while you’re shaking...let me watch you fall apart..” he demands, head diving between your thighs to lap at your aching clit like a man starved. your legs rise only to settle on his shoulders, ankles crossed behind his head while your toes curl in euphoria. there were men before him, but none of them ever took care of you like this, never looked you in the eyes as their fingers started to curl in just the right places, never sighed in content at your taste as their eyes rolled back. never pried themselves away from your cunt just to add a pornographic amount of spit to your southernmost lips, strings of saliva connecting your twitching hole to his deliciously long tongue.

shota was unlike any man you had ever met before.

and that was what made him so intoxicating.

“ah..s-shota, please-” you whine, sensing your climax within reach. “please what, kitty? i won’t know if you don’t tell me.” he remarks, dipping back down to suck harshly at your swollen bud as he adds a third finger, length throbbing at the way you arch into his tongue. “m-make me-ah-make me...feel good...please sho” you stutter, face burning. “mm. i thought i was already making you feel good love? unless...there’s something else you want..” he trails off, smirking. your thighs are quivering now, muscles burning as you strain to keep them from crushing shota’s head, although with the way he’s devouring your pussy whole right now he doesn’t seem to mind one bit.

“i need you..to make me cum..” you whimper, winding a few fingers into his unruly mane of hair while your other hand settles above your mouth, trying to hide the obvious embarrassment on your face from being so exposed.

“well why didn’t you say so baby? after all, you did exactly what i told you to, and good girls get whatever they ask for.” he grins before working double time to bring you to the edge, hero stamina and strength coming out in full force with the way his fingers never cease in their abuse on your g-spot, refusing to quit until your thighs finally tighten around his head and your breath catches. his tongue replaces his fingers and you briefly pout at the slight change in fullness, but it doesn’t matter the second he coils his tongue upwards and rubs into your sensitive bud at a steady pace. you cum all over his face, and you never thought you’d see such a typically serious and stoic man look so...elated, a permanent beam stuck to him with superglue as he swallows as much of your essence as he can. chest heaving, body weightless, you sit up.

you gently coax him back up your body, shota’s arms caging you to your bed as you kiss him deeply, fingers fumbling to palm him through his sweats. “s’ my turn...wanna show you how much i like you..”

he nods, opting to trade places with you whilst helping you slide his sweats and boxers down his thighs, length springing up in anticipation. you’d had a inkling of how big he was from small glances on occasion, but you didn’t account for a solid eight and a half inches down your esophagus. his dick was pretty, a few veins running up and down the length of it, and tip just as pink as his kiss-swollen lips. the only thing that intimidated you was how thick it was. but you’d cross that bridge when it came to it.

saliva floods your mouth and you grasp his dick at the base, eyes wide as you track a bead of precum rolling it’s way down his tip before licking it up in one long hot stripe. “hm. tastes good.” you giggle, eyes locking with his before you relax your jaw and swallow as much of him as you can comfortably fit in your mouth, a shot of electricity running through you when shota lets out a deep throaty groan. “fuck...such a good fucking girl. you look so pretty like this.” shota sighs, left hand working it’s way through your coils and tightening its grip, but never pushing. he lets you work at your own pace, his own cheeks flushing when you interrupt the bobbing motion you had set to coyly circle your slick tongue around his tip. your mouth is hot and slick, encapsulating his dick in a velvety vacuum seal while you work him over and over; you haven’t had an insane amount of experience, but you’re observant of what motions garner positive reactions. it’s a combination so dangerous that it has shota’s right hand grappling your comforter for stability, breath quickening as he wonders how the hell he’s managed to last this long.

“you’re gonna suck me dry kitty...” he moans.

at least until you take not one, but both hands, add an amount of spit so copious it’s obscene, and begin to stroke his length slowly and effortlessly whilst maintaining eye contact.

with that little stunt, you’ve officially opened pandora’s box. and there’s no closing it now.

“come here.” aizawa commands, sitting up straighter to pull your hips into his, and before you know it you’re on your stomach, wrists pinned to your black sheets by agile hands. “if you wanna stop here tell me now baby.” he croons in your ear, feather light kisses pressed into your shoulder. “we can watch a movie, cuddle, whatever you’re comfortable with. but if we keep going like this-”

his length presses into your ass and a shiver shoots down your spine.

“-i can’t promise you i won’t ruin you y/n. fuck you full of my cum, pounding into you until i leave you drooling and sloppy just for me, have you scream my name so loud even the League knows who you belong to. you’d be all mine. my pretty kitty. is that what you want?” shota asks, one of his calloused hands sliding down the curves of your body to grip at the soft, tender skin of your ass.

“shota.....please. it’s all i want, just take me already-“ you sob, voice gathering in your throat. a sensual chuckle, and then you feel it: inch after inch slipping into your tight warm walls, the stretch causing your eyes to brim with tears born from more pleasure than actual pain.

“ah! you’re stretching me out so much...” you keen, eyelashes fluttering in ecstasy. “aw kitty...i haven’t even started yet.” shota teases, stretching to his right to grab his capture weapon, and bringing both your wrists behind you. “now..you’ve been so good for me tonight, i think you deserve a reward. earlier, i believe you mentioned something about being tied up?” he binds your arms, leaving your digits to flail helplessly right above the small of your back, where his hand has now come to rest.

“f-fuck me! please...i’m tired of waiting- i just wanna be yours!” you beg, hips jolting back in impatience and need, your pussy throbbing at the sensation of his tip nudging the deepest parts of you. “so fucking needy. i’ll give you exactly what you’re craving sweetheart.” he smirks, before dragging his hips as far back as he can, length retreating from your warm walls before slamming right back in. one hand on your shoulders to keep your face pressed into your pillows, the other taking reign on your hips as a guide to rut against you. your back arches so deliciously for him, ass jiggling on every thrust as he watches your body impale itself on his length. he’s so deep, his tip consistently ramming into your cervix over and over and over; your body is so overwhelmed and so needy, so full but not full enough. it’s too much, but you want more. “fill me up sho! i want it— i need it so bad” you cry, tears spilling over and staining your pillowcase. “wouldn’t you love that, having me fill this pretty pussy up with all my cum hm?” “no wonder you’re moaning for me like a whore, you want everyone to know who’s doing this to you.” shota pants, quickening his pace. “yes! i’m yours all yours!” you moan, pussy throbbing at his fierce pace, you can feel the sweat gathering between your body and the sheets but you don’t care. you use the leverage from your shoulders to push back onto him, chasing your high.

“that’s it, come on, fuck me back. come on kitty it’s your dick after all~” he breathes, grinning at the way you’re drooling and how your eyes are rolling at the way he’s fucking you.

“fuck, you must really wanna cum again hm? such a greedy, slutty girl” you nod, head spinning as he tightens your restraints and strokes into you as deep as he can. you feel the familiar quivering of your legs, a tell tale sign you’re close to cumming. “sho—ah!-sho please! i wanna cum please i’m so close-“ you plead, voice unsteady. “well since you asked so nicely...of course kitty” he acquiesces, a hand slithering between your folds to softly rub your clit while he drills into you, and your body nearly self destructs. “f-fuck! ah—thank you shota, oh god, mmm you’re so good to me” you babble, body floating through space as he rubs you through your orgasm.

and once again, the ball is in his court. you shudder, head leaning over your shoulder with lidded eyes to try and look at aizawa. his hair is down now, and a deep blush has taken residence across his cheeks, chest heaving as sweat glistens on his chest and slowly drips down his toned stomach. he hasn’t stopped fucking you, but this time his rhythm’s gotten sloppy, and his teeth have sunken into his bottom lip so hard you think he’ll pierce through it.

he’s close, and you want every last drop.

“make me take it shota—show me what you do to good girls~” you purr, eyes widening when he loosens your restraints and turns you over, and practically folds you in half. your ankles are by your ears now as he pounds into you, and everything is so much deeper than before. your pussy tightens at the new angle, and you feel another orgasm beneath the surface, though you don’t know if you can take it. “it’s too much! i can’t take it—“ you whine, tits jiggling as he swoops down and paws at one, making you cry out. “yes you can baby, just one more, come on make me proud just give me one fucking more” he growls, the heat of his order hot against your ear. “god i’m gonna paint these slutty little walls white—gonna fill you up so good” he moans, shota’s dirty confession egging you on as your fingers toy with your achingly sensitive bundle of nerves. “that’s it. play with it, show me how you do it when i’m not there-“ and that slick fucking comment is what sends you tumbling off the edge for your third time tonight. “fuck! i’m gonna cum—i’m gonna make you all mine, all for me” you grin before raking your nails up and down his back to encourage him. “give it to me, i don’t wanna have anyone else kiss me without knowing what you taste like~” and soon hot spurts of cum paint your insides and flood you with a warm, thick feeling. shota immediately crashes his lips onto yours, holding you tightly. you can’t really explain the current state of your emotions, but you feel full, and content. meanwhile the current object of your affection is nuzzled into your neck, peppering kisses over all the love bites he’d inflicted earlier as a means of apology, though you didn’t mind.

it would be a pain in the ass to cover up tomorrow, but you could always just wear a scarf or a turtleneck to compensate due to the colder weather. it wasn’t until the two of you had cleaned up and rehydrated that he spoke: “by the way, i like you too. and have. for a while now. just in case that wasn’t clear.” he stated, arms wrapped around your middle as he began to doze off.

“you know you probably should’ve led with that-“

“shut up.”

so yeah, shota aizawa could live without sex.

question is: why the hell would he want to, when you’re here?

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #122: Tristan

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re building another member of the Round Table, Sir Tristan, the “child of sadness”. This knight’s bowstrings are equal part deadly weapons and musical instruments, but his most dangerous weapon is just look at that final ascension art all the KotRT were so close I’m not crying you’re crying.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: Sun’s out, guns out.

Race and Background

Don’t worry, we’re not doing anything weird this time. Tristan is, in fact, a human! As a Variant Human, you get +1 to Dexterity and Wisdom, Performance proficiency, and the Sharpshooter feat. Any cover less than full won’t affect your aim, and you can fire at long range normally. Additionally, you can take a -5 penalty to hit for a +10 bonus to damage.

Much like Lancelot, you’re a Knight of the Order, giving you Religion and Persuasion proficiency.

Ability Scores

Make sure your Wisdom is high- you can hit headshots without opening your eyes, that’s some real good perception. Second is your Charisma, your bow is also a harp, and you’re really good with it. Following that up is Dexterity. Your harp is also a bow, and you’re really good with it. Writing deadly lyrics on the fly isn’t easy, so your Intelligence isn’t bad. After that is Strength- bows actually take a lot of strength to use, but you don’t really need it here so...

That being said, we’re still dumping Constitution. You’re famously unlucky, and you died to poison, that’ll affect your HP almost as badly as Okita.

Class Levels

1. Ranger 1: Being a paladin would be nice, but smiting doesn’t work with ranged weapons. You know what does? Being a ranger. First level rangers get proficiency with Strength and Dexterity saves, as well as three ranger skills. Grab Animal Handling, Athletics, and Perception for better horsemanship and archery skills.

Speaking of better skills, first level rangers can also be Canny, doubling your proficiency bonus in Performance. You can also mark a creature when you hit them thanks to Favored Foe. Once per turn for the next minute, you can add 1d4 to your damage against that target. It’s a bit weaker than Hunter’s Mark, how sad. You can also use it a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus.

2. Ranger 2: For your fighting style, Blind Fighting is almost completely useless, but it does explain how you’re able to fight without opening your eyes. (Seriously though if you want a semi-serious build go with Archery, it’s so much more useful than 10′ of darkvision.)

You can also cast Spells this level using your Wisdom. Grab Cure Wounds for some feel-good music, and Snare for your first rope trap. I said you were really good with that bow, and I meant it. This spell creates a rope trap in a 5 foot cube that requires an investigation check (DC eight plus proficiency plus wisdom modifier) to notice. A creature that triggers the trap has to make a dexterity save (same DC) or it’s restrained above the ground. Each turn, the trapped creature can make another dexterity save at disadvantage or another creature can make an Arcana check to free the creature.

3. Ranger 3: Third level rangers join a conclave, and you’re so depressing you’re a Gloom Stalker. You get Disguise Self as part of your subclass, though it’s not particularly in character for you. How sad. You’re also a Dread Ambusher, adding your wisdom to intiative. You can also move faster on your first turn, and you can make an extra attack with your action that turn as well. The extra attack also deals an extra 1d8 damage. You also gain Umbral Sight, a.k.a. 60 feet of darkvision, rendering that blind fighting almost entirely useless. Also, while in darkness, you’re invisible to other creatures with darkvision. 

You also get Primeval Awareness, letting you spend an action and spell slot to sense aberrations, celestial, dragons, elementals, fey, fiends, and undead within a mile of you. Finally, you get another spell. Entangle creates a larger area snare that requires a strength save to break free from if you’re caught in the area when it’s cast. Regardless, the area is difficult terrain until your concentration is broken.

4. Ranger 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Dexterity for a higher AC and better archery skills.

5. Ranger 5: Fifth level rangers get an Extra Attack with their attack action, and they can cast second level spells. Your free spell here is another very fancy way to use your bowstrings, Rope Trick. This spell sends a rope 60′ straight up and creates an extradimensional space for you and up to seven friends. You’re relatively safe inside for the duration, just make sure you’re out before the hour’s up. Falling sixty feet doesn’t seem like fun.

You can also create a Cordon of Arrows to protect an area, throwing four arrows at creatures who come too close. Almost as deadly as your bow, and significantly less work for you.

6. Bard 1: I told you we were making that bow a harp. First level bards can cast Spells using their Charisma, and they can mete out Bardic Inspiration as a bonus action, giving an ally a d6 they can add to one skill check, saving roll, or attack roll. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your charisma modifier.

For spells, Prestidigitation will help you turn your bowstrings into smaller objects; Vicious Mockery, Dissonant Whispers, and Bane give you minor curses you can place with your dirges; and Healing Word and Heroism gives you some more positive energy to hand out to party members. Don’t get those mixed up, that would be sad.

You also get another skill proficiency; you’re good at getting out of the way of attacks, so I’d say that’s Acrobatics. 

7. Bard 2: Second level bards are Jack of All Trades, giving you half proficiency on all your checks that don’t already have your proficiency bonus. You also make Camelot a bit more lively with your Song of Rest, enhancing healing done during short rests by 1d6. Finally, you get Magical Inspiration, meaning your inspiration dice can now be used to give spells more damage or healing. 

For spells, you can now turn your bowstrings into a safety net, thanks to Feather Fall. 

8. Bard 3: Your college of choice is the College of Whispers, giving you the ability to curse people in casual conversation thanks to your Words of Terror. Speaking to a humanoid alone for at least a minute forces a wisdom save or they become frightened of a creature of your choice for an hour or until they or their allies are seen being attacked. You can use this once per short rest. Go on, make your king afraid of herself, I’m sure it won’t backfire.

You also get Psychic Blades, allowing you to burn inspiration to add psychic damage to your attack once per round.

Finally, you get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus. Grab Perception to help you see with closed eyes and Performance because I’m a sucker for quadrupling things.

You can also cast Lesser Restoration for a stronger form of healing music, removing some of your party’s debuffs.

9. Ranger 6: At sixth level your Favored Foe grows to 1d6, making it almost as good as Hunter’s Mark. You also become Roving, giving you 5 extra feet of movement, plus a swimming and climbing speed. You might not get a fancy magic horse like the other knights of the round but... actually no, you should probably still get a horse.

10. Ranger 7: Seventh level Gloom Stalkers get an Iron Mind, giving you proficiency in Wisdom saves. You can also cast Healing Spirit this level for some hands-free healing, so you can heal while you heal! Or curse while you heal, either’s good.

11. Bard 4: Use this ASI to bump up your Charisma for more inspiration and better bard spells. You can also cast True Strike if you need to remember what a tragedy looks like, or Calm Emotions to make your enemies too depressed to fight.

12. Bard 5: Your Bardic Inspiration and Psychic Blades both grow in power, and you become a Font of Inspiration, recharging your inspiration on short rests instead of long ones.

Your final bardic spell is Bestow Curse, allowing you to technically do anything you want with the DM’s approval. Given curses include: Disadvantage on one ability score’s checks and saves. Disadvantage on attack rolls against you. Wasting a turn every time they fail a wisdom save. Dealing extra damage to them. Have some fun with it, they certainly won’t.

13. Ranger 8: Bump up your Wisdom with this ASI for a better initiative and stronger spells. You’re also Fleet of Foot, meaning you can move through difficult terrain quickly, and you don’t take damage from nonmagical plants. You also get advantage on magical plant spells. Not... super useful, but it’ll give you a better shot against Poison Ivy.

14. Ranger 9: Ninth level Gloom Stalkers can cast Fear, in case you weren’t giving your foes enough debuffs as is, and you also get Conjure Barrage to make your Failnaught truly unavoidable. Except by monks. And rogues. Still pretty good though.

15. Ranger 10: You’re now Tireless, meaning you can spend an action (a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus) to gain temporary hp. Your exhaustion also decreases on short rests too. You can also use Nature’s Veil to become invisible for a round as a bonus action, the same number of times per long rest as Tireless. We’re going a bit heavy on the evade spam here to make up for the fact that we dumped constitution what is wrong with us. 

16. Ranger 11: Thanks to your new Stalker’s Flurry, you can’t miss even if you do miss- you can make an extra attack as part of your attack action if one of your normal attacks missed.

You can also cast Protection from Energy this level, because honestly we weren’t sure what to do here. You’ll get more Tristany spells when we get fourth level slots, promise. 

17. Ranger 12: For your final ASI, bump up your Charisma again for stronger bard spells and a better performance overall.

18. Ranger 13: For your fourth level spells, Freedom of Movement and Greater Invisibility give you even more ways to avoid capture and damage. Ah, they keep missing. How sad.

19. Ranger 14: Your Favored Foe grows to a d8 now, and you can Vanish as a bonus action,  meaning you can hide and nobody can track you without magic. 

20. Ranger 15: Fifteenth level Gloom Stalkers can make a Shadowy Dodge as a reaction, giving disadvantage on an attack roll against you if the attack wasn’t made with advantage.

You can also turn your bowstrings into a Grasping Vine, forcing your opponents to dance like puppets. On a- on a string. You get it?

Pros

Thanks to all those evades you can pump out and your ability to maneuver in darkness, you’re very hard to hit. Turn invisible, dodge weirdly, stay invisible, or make your target fear you, it’s all good.

Thanks to your curses and fear building skills, you’re a good debuffer, which can help whittle powerful enemies down while your party starts getting hits in.

Thanks to spells like Cordon of Arrows, Snare, and Grasping Vine, you can also set up plenty of battlefield hazards to control and slow enemy movement. Nobody wants to rush in just to get flung into the air like a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Cons

Remember how we dumped constitution at the beginning? That’s going to bite us in the ass. Even at level 20, you still have less than 100 hp, meaning if a wizard with Power Word Kill spots you your story’s ending early. This is why going invisible is so useful for you.

Blind Fighting would be more of a gimmick usually, but you’re an archer! Seriously, just take archery.

Being a bard and a ranger means you split your magic abilities between charisma and wisdom, eating up a lot of ASIs that could have gone towards your dexterity or constitution instead for more survivability and bow damage.

[evolutionsvoid]

The Colloscyt is a terrestrial bird that is found primarily in the labyrinthine caverns and tunnels of the Underworld. They can be found in cave systems that are closer to the surface world, but further investigations have shown that these systems are, or were, connected to the Underworld. So it seems they are directly tied to this land down below, which makes sense when you look at these strange beasts. Gone are the wings that give them flight, as their limbs are now specialized for climbing and scrambling across stone. Their legs and arms are now greatly elongated, giving them a better reach as they scale the walls and ceilings of the Underworld. Their eyes have shrunken and lost their focus, now only good for discerning between light and dark. Not only are their eyes reduced, but so are the specialized throat organs that run down their neck. Hold up second, those wouldn't happen to be external larynges, would they? And how about that third pair of limbs that are sprouting from their back? Those structures seem awfully similar to the ones True Sirens have! In fact, they are the same, because the Colloscyt is indeed a True Siren! "Now say there, Chlora," you may say, "if these things are Sirens, then why didn't you say so in the first place?" A fine question! The reason is because we didn't know it was a True Siren for quite some time! Today, we folk on the surface world call these Cave Sirens or Blind Sirens, but we didn't have these names in the past. Since this species is tied to the Underworld, the people up top didn't really have much of a chance to study them or even see them! The conflict between the two worlds made expeditions and research trips quite difficult, so what information we received about this species (and many others, at the time) came directly from the denizens down below. Even with that, the sources were quite limited, as there wasn't a whole lot of demons and shades who were willing to talk to surface dwellers (and not a lot of surface dwellers wanting to talk to these folk in the first place). With that, many species found exclusively in the Underworld were either unknown or had very little information attached to them. The Colloscyts were one of them, as we only had the word of those down below and few measly parts and pieces. The reason I have called them Colloscyts instead of Cave Sirens is because "Colloscyt" is the first name this species had. This was the name given to them by the people of the Underworld, and it was the name they told us when we asked about these creatures. So for a long time, we called them that as well, until relations between the two worlds got a bit better and we could send researchers downstairs. When a welcomed expedition finally got their hands on a Colloscyt specimen, they were immediately like "hey, this is a True Siren!" And I imagine their Underworld guides were like "what is that?" Obviously the people of the Underworld were not familiar with the creatures up above, so why would they follow our naming conventions? Honestly, it is for the best they don't, because, as far as I can tell, they aren't going around calling everything a freaking dragon! Now that we have covered that, we can take a look at the Colloscyt (or Cave Siren) itself! As I mentioned before, the external larynges of the Colloscyt are quite reduced compared to the other members of its family. This is because the Underworld is kind of a funky place when it comes to sounds and noises. In such an enclosed place with such an array of shapes and sizes, the way sound travels and bounces can be quite erratic. Since every part of the Underworld is quite different from each other, tuning oneself to the environment is a bit difficult. With this, the high-energy, specially tuned hypnotic song of the True Siren family is kind of worthless. They could make it work, but it seems the process would take much longer to finesse, which means it would burn way more energy. So it looks like the Colloscyts let their external larynges reduce a bit, losing their ability to create this entrancing tune while still retaining decent mimicry. Though they have lost this song, they have replaced it with something a bit more helpful. With the help of their external larynges and specialized ears, the Colloscyts are capable of using echolocation to help navigate this darkened world. Their vocal chords produce a special sound, which then bounces off the environment and is then picked up by their ears! Quite helpful when sight isn't really an option in such a lightless place.

This ability is useful with navigation, but it also helps them detect prey. Like other True Sirens, Colloscyts hunt prey, but they use a rather different tactic when it comes to subduing and eating these targets. Climbing silently through the darkness, the Colloscyt will move to position themselves directly above their prey. Hanging from up above, they open their beaked maws and vomit forth a shower of sticky nastiness. This species can create an adhesive mucus, which dries quite quickly when exposed to air. They store up copious amounts of it in their crop, unleashing the torrent when prey is within range. When their target is drenched with this saliva, it will quickly ensnare them and make movement difficult. In a short period of time, it will thicken and harden, trapping prey in a solid mound of spit. Before that can happen, the Colloscyt will drop down and grab hold of the struggling victim. With more gooey saliva, the Colloscyt will "spin" their target in a cocoon, ensuring that they are sufficiently covered and bound. Often, the victim will die of asphyxiation, as their breathing orifices are covered in this sticky crud. Once they are neatly wrapped up and the cocoon has properly solidified, the Colloscyt will jab their beak through the thick coating and into the prey. Through their nostrils, the Colloscyt will inject a digestive enzyme that is pumped from a special organ at the base of their beak. This enzyme is meant to break down the insides of the victim, turning all the organs, muscles and whatnot into soup! When it is all melted into a slurry, the beak will be reinserted and their long tongue will help slurp up what is left! When the cocoon is drained of all nourishment, the Colloscyt will retreat, leaving behind a hardened cocoon and a bundle of bones. This sticky saliva of theirs isn't only used for hunting, as it also helps with deterring predators. When they are hanging from up high, another climbing fiend or a beast on the wing may try to attack them. When this happens, the Colloscyt will use its spit to gunk up their limbs and send them tumbling to the stony floor below. In some cases, the Colloscyt may wind up feeding on their own predators! This saliva is also used by mated to pairs to create nests for their eggs. They will climb up to a hard-to-reach place and use their spit to form a basket to hold their precious young. This construction is not a one-time thing, as the two will tend to the nest and add more mucus to keep it strong as time erodes it and their young grow bigger. When their offspring finally leave the nest, the mated pair will abandon it, constructing a new one when mating season comes back around. This vacant space winds up becoming the home of another creature. A lot of different species can take over these empty nests, which is important to keep in mind if you go poking around in them. I saw one during my travels in the Underworld and wanted to take a closer look. My guides were wise and advised me to test the nest before I climbed up close to it. With a few misaimed rock tosses, I succeeded in agitating the occupant of the nest, which turned out to be a rather large and angry female Mound Roach! No clue why it was dwelling up there, but I am sure glad I didn't get my face close to that thing!   This odd creature is known quite well by the denizens of the Underworld, and it should be no surprise that its spit is the star of the show! It's adhesive nature and quick solidification makes it quite useful when it comes to speedy repairs and patch jobs. Those who take excursions into the wilder parts of the Underworld will often keep a hardened bundle of this mucus on them. When equipment breaks or something needs to be glued, they will heat up the solid mass until it becomes gooey again. Apply it to the spot that needs fixing and leave it out to harden! Voila! If they don't have one on them, they can simply collect some from the field. Empty nests and discarded cocoons of previous prey are easy to come by, so they can just get it there. There are some groups down below that even keep a bunch of these birds as livestock, but not for meat! They harvest the spit that comes from them and then sells it as a material or even an ingredient! Turns out that demons and shades have made a dish out of this creature's mucus! "Cocoon Crust Soup" is the name, and it certainly made me curious when I heard about it! A soup made by bird spit? I thought it impossible, but my friends were quick to steer me to a restaurant that served it. I will admit that I was a bit hesitant before I ordered. Having spit in my food is usually something I avoid, and here I was about to order a whole bowlful! But I toughened my roots and gave it a shot! When I tried my first spoonful, I soon realized a problem: Cocoon Crust Soup is a bit too hot for a surface dweller like me! Keep in mind, I am not talking about "spicy" hot, I mean "hot" hot. Like boiling water hot. Turns out this stuff only liquidizes in extreme heat, meaning it must be prepared piping hot to get it to the proper consistency. Since the folk down here aren't put off by blazing temperatures, they serve this soup while its still boiling. One spoonful almost burned a hole in my mouth, so I had to wait for it to cool, which took a long time! Everyone had already eaten by the time I could even get my soup to a tolerable level! Eventually I got to taste it, and it was rather pleasant! A quite unique flavor, though the consistency was a bit gummy. To be fair, that was because I allowed it to cool, and thus it began to solidify. I have to imagine the waiters and cooks thought I was crazy. You get some weird plant person who orders a hot meal and then sits there for an hour and a half until it is stone cold. Sure, I could explain myself by saying "it's too hot," but I am in the Underworld! Who's going to believe me?!   Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian ----------------------------------------------------------------- It seems that that one of my go-to species ideas is take an animal that isn't a spider and make it a spider.  

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

Halloween prompt: Alfred is getting increasingly annoyed at whoever is eating the halloween candy. No one will confess. (Bruce is sitting in a corner somewhere with a bag of... [insert Batfamily appropriate candy here])

Three Musketeers

Rating: G 1,844 words Gen AO3

Bristol was technically in Gotham City limits. Though the gilted mansions and private woods with pastures and stables seemed like a whole other world in comparison. The residents liked to think so too, especially because – despite Gotham’s robust public transportation system – it was almost impossible to reach the rich suburb from the city proper. It was because they lived in this separate world that Bristol’s wealthy residents often fought to receive special treatment or even secede from the city all together.

Except when it came to Halloween.

The residents of Bristol were more than happy to hold their trick-or-treat night during the same time as the rest of Gotham. Mostly, because it discouraged the city’s poorer residents from coming out to ask for literal handouts from them. The time it would take to sit in train stations and bus stops to get there ate up a large chunk of trick-or-treat’s two-hour window. And the walk from the last stop and between the houses took up the rest.

Despite all this, many made the trek out to Wayne Manor and its residents always made it well worth the work.

It was known that the Manor didn’t simply give out full-sized candy bars, no, they gave a whole bag of king’s sized bars. And from the entrance way to the ballroom off to the side were decked out and fitted to be a haunted house with games and entertainment and even more snacks. There was no reason to go anywhere else when you went to Wayne Manor.

Except, this year the seemingly endless supply of candy was mysteriously missing in the week leading up to the big night. Which was ironic considering the Manor was populated by detectives.

Alfred was suspicious. And annoyed. But mostly suspicious. He had raised the world’s greatest detective and then helped raise the current world’s greatest detective. In addition to the other seven vigilantes he’d actively cared for over the years. And countless others who hadn’t lived under his roof. Which meant that he was extremely hard to pull something over on. Extremely.

Yet, his stockpile of trick-or-treat candy was gone. Completely. And his list of suspects was long and skilled.

First, was Barbara because he loved the young woman dearly but she was a bit of a chocolate fiend. Also, if he could rule her out then he could enlist her assistance. It was easy enough to make her coffee just the way she liked and message her to come to the kitchen when she was working in the Cave one evening. She was happy enough to come up, thinking it was just for a chat but knowing something was up when Alfred passed her the mug.

They studied each other from across the long wooden table that took up the far side of the kitchen. Alfred sipped his tea from the good china that after the last family debacle was his alone to use. Barbara narrowed her eyes as her glasses slipped down her nose. They were playing a high stakes game of chicken and they both knew it.

Barbara broke first. “Is there something you wanted to talk about, Alfred?” she asked sweetly, setting her coffee down and pushing her glasses back up in the same movement.

“Now that you mention it, yes. I was wondering if you happened to know where my trick-or-treat supply is disappearing to?” Alfred’s lips turned up in kindness, but his eyes were hard and steady as he held her gaze.

An adult, a seasoned crimefighter, an honest to god superhero and yet Barbara wanted to wriggle in her chair, knot her fingers in the hem of her t-shirt, under that look. Pure willpower was the only thing that stopped her. Though it didn’t extend to her mouth. “No, I’ve been out of town most of the week.”

This was true, Alfred knew, but not necessarily an airtight alibi.

“Besides,” Barbara continued, “I have a Costco card. The Birds and I split it. If I wanted to eat a whole bag of candy, I’d just buy my own.”

Alfred nodded, lifting his tea to take another sip. He accepted that answer, she knew better than to lie to him. “In that case, might I enlist your skills to uncover the real culprit?”

This was what Alfred had truly wanted to ask, they both knew, and Barbara smiled in delight at the prospect. “I’d love to.”

The next suspect was Tim. He knew exactly how to cover his tracks and misdirect their attention. Tim was sly, smart, and still technically a teenaged boy so sugar was irresistible. Barbara set the trap, crashing the Batcomputer one afternoon when everyone else was out. This forced Tim up, out of the Cave and to Alfred lying in wait in the kitchen.

Tim had climbed up onto a kitchen chair to get at the stash of poptarts on the top shelf of the cabinet above the stove. Proving that he had means, motive, and a record.

“Master Timothy,” Alfred drawled as he stepped out of the shadows. Bruce had to learn the skill from somewhere.

Startling, Tim whirled around and nearly fell from the chair. Dropping the silver packet in the process. It landed on the tile with a crunch. “Look I need the brain power to get the computer back up,” he said hastily, glancing guiltily between Alfred and the fallen junk food.

“I am not here to reprimand you about the poptarts,” Alfred said and Tim immediately relaxed, shooting him a relieved little grin. “But I may have to reprimand you for sneaking something else,” Alfred continued, causing Tim’s face to fall.

“I swear, I only had the one Monster the other week. And I split it with Kon ‘cause we were trying to keep Bart from drinking it. Me and him on an energy drink bouncing round the Tower is way better than a speedster on an energy drink.” Tim’s eyes were wide and the blood that had drained from his face made the boy almost impossibly paler.

Alfred lifted an eyebrow at the confession. Not what he was looking for but good to know all the same. “And what of the candy for trick-or-treat?”

Tim’s brows drew together in confusion. “Uh, I don’t know? I suggested we get milkyways but if you got snickers again then I’m not going to complain.”

“So, you did not eat the supply?” Alfred confirmed, though the fact that Tim was already feeling guilty and hesitant to lie on top of the fact that he had no idea Alfred had purchased boxes of three musketeers cleared him of the crime.

“No?” Tim shook his head as he shrugged.

Satisfied, Alfred nodded. “Enjoy your poptarts, Master Timothy. I shall be moving them shortly.”

“It wasn’t Jason,” Barbara said over the phone. “I have a couple different angles of him being in Paraguay all last week.”

“I never suspected him to begin with,” Alfred admitted as he pushed the shopping cart, restocking for the big night tomorrow. “He never liked three musketeers. Dark chocolate kit-kats are a separate story.” He smiled at the memory of a young Jason carrying a huge box of the candy bars to drop in the cart during his first Halloween with them.

“Cass and Dick are out too,” she continued. “Cass laughed at me when I even suggested it and then confirmed Dick was telling the truth when I questioned him.”

Alfred hummed. Richard had been his next guess, though he was more likely to take them to hand out while on patrol or pass on to his friends’ children than to eat himself. “Master Damian is innocent as well. He scoffed at the implication he would, quote, ‘stoop so low as to steal candy from children.’ He also vouched for Master Duke and neither were anywhere near the spare pantry recently to begin with.”

“Security cameras confirm that.”

“That leaves Miss Stephanie,” Alfred frowned. Stephanie tended to decline any offers of assistance from the Manor’s residents that weren’t directly related to masked vigilantism. Though she recently had allowed Alfred to slip her gas money when she visited during daylight hours. The thought of her taking the Halloween candy just did not sit right with him. It was almost as impossible to imagine as Damian taking it. Cassandra was more likely to be playing a trick on them all, having hidden it for some soon to be revealed reason. “Are you positive Miss Cassandra is not the culprit?”

Barbara chuckled. “I mean, not really. But at the same time why would she? Though why would Steph either? I don’t think it was either of them but I can vouch for Steph. She hasn’t been anywhere near the Cave or the Manor since last month. What with school she’s been staying close.”

“Which leaves us back to the beginning,” Alfred sighed and got in line. “We could create a sting operation though I’d loathe to lose this supply as well. There’s nearly no candy left in the entire state.”

“That I believe. Alright, I’ve got the feed from the events kitchen running on one of my screens. I’ll keep an eye on it for the rest of the night, see if anyone stupid enough to try it again.”

“Thank you, Miss Barbara. I really appreciate your assistance in this matter,” Alfred told her before exchanging their goodbyes. He had plans for a little stakeout of his own.

Placing the boxes in the spare pantry, Alfred settled himself on a stool next to the industrial fridge in the dark. He typed out a careful message in the family’s groupchat informing them all that the missing candy had been replaced and politely asking that it not disappear again before the next night. They would all be getting ready to go out for the night so there is no doubt they would see it. And he would have plenty of time to wait for them to strike.

Hours later, the family was returning and Alfred was still lying in wait. A creak echoed in from the ballroom where decorations were mostly in place. The light padding of rubber soles on the marble tile came closer and closer. Alfred leant further back into the shadows as the door swung open. He held his breath, waiting as the guilty party walked into the kitchen proper, headed directly towards the pantry. Alfred slipped from his hiding spot, keeping low as he crept around the island to come up behind the culprit.

Alfred contained his gasp of shock and annoyance as he flipped on the light. Forcing the candy thief to whirl on him. “Master Bruce!” Alfred scolded. He hadn’t thought his first charge would do such a thing and hadn’t even considered him as a suspect.

Having the good sense to look ashamed and like a ten-year-old boy again, Bruce offered a wavering grin in apology. “You bought three musketeers,” he said as his only defense.

Alfred frowned as he crossed his arms. “And your penance will be handing them out tomorrow night.”

[cluelessnamelessao3]

It’s Raining Somewhere Else

The One with a Pleasant Surprise

It wasn’t your alarm that woke you, but rather, your very needy and very annoying devil of a cat. He didn’t just wake you by pawing at you, no, but by attempting to suffocate you. You pushed him off, which he objected to rather loudly, and sat up in bed, spitting cat hair out of your mouth.

“Asshole,” you griped.

He stretched luxuriously, blinking at you with innocent eyes.

You got up and started about your morning, tidying your room a little, brewing coffee, getting Shade his breakfast, and eventually, sitting in front of the TV with a fresh cup of coffee. Paradise. Well, as close as you were going to get to that in your dingy little apartment with noisy neighbours and a shocking lack of natural light. Still, it was home.

Time marched on and soon it was almost lunchtime when you got a text from Undyne.

Be there soon, was all she said.

You hurried to get up and make sure you were ready to go. Today you would meet Alphys and hopefully make another friend. You really did not have many since you graduated school.

It wasn’t that you weren’t social, nor that you weren’t friendly, but you had trouble putting yourself out there. If they didn’t text you, then you usually didn’t text them—simple as that. As a result, though, you had fallen out of contact with many of your school friends. You didn’t blame them, knowing with a pinch of guilt that it was most likely your own fault, but it did make you lonely at times.

That was one reason you loved working at Grillby’s. It was a good opportunity for you to get out and socialise. Plus, you had started becoming actual friends with Jen, which made working with her all the more enjoyable. Not to mention, you probably would not have met Undyne and Papyrus if you hadn’t been out to explore the area around the bar that one day.

There was a sharp knock on the door, then a split-second passed, and a much more aggressive pounding started.

“HEY! PIPSQUEAK!”

You rushed over, opening the door to a grinning Undyne. She towered over you—it always surprised you just how big the monsters all were. There were a few species that were much smaller, some human-sized, others almost child-sized, but there were many that seemed as tall as trees. Okay, maybe not that large, but it definitely felt like they were giants.

Undyne, with her usual energy, stalked past you into the apartment, her one uncovered eye roving over every detail. For a moment, she looked quizzically at the large blue coat that Sans had left but she said nothing about it.

“Ready?”

“Yep!” You responded cheerfully.

A cab waited at the curb of the building, inside was a new monster, presumably Alphys. She looked shorter, somewhat like a lizard, or a dinosaur—you couldn’t really tell, and was absolutely engrossed in a manga that looked suspiciously like a shoujo. Undyne practically pranced into the cab, getting into the vehicle with an unexpected grace despite the fact that she had to hunch over to fit. You followed, closing the car door with a soft click.

The sun was out and the sky was clear. The weather always seemed to match the way you felt—or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, you couldn’t help but appreciate the nice weather, especially when it was still early spring.

“Kit, this is Alphys—my girlfriend.”

You smiled and waved, introducing yourself formally, before adding “but most people just call me Kit.”

Alphys gave a small smile and a little wave, before saying “N-nice to meet you.”

You didn’t know Undyne had a girlfriend—she had never mentioned it before! Although, to be honest, you hadn’t had many chats with her yet, so there was certainly a lot you didn’t know.

“What are you reading?”

Suddenly, Alphys was eager, rather than timid, as she gushed about the absolute cuteness overload of the manga she was reading. The rest of the cab ride was filled with a lengthy description of the characters and their troubles. You relaxed into the seat, your brief nerves about meeting a new friend absolutely gone.

 The restaurant was an unfamiliar one, still within Ebott, but not somewhere you had gone before. Undyne, helpfully, pointed out the park that you had visited not too long ago. It was nice, though you didn’t have the best sense of direction, so it did nothing to help orient yourself.

It looked like it was Italian themed, advertising some delicious looking pasta meals on the front windows. The inside was cosy, somewhat dimly lit, but inviting. Your hostess was a mild-mannered rabbit monster who led you to a table in the back where you could see Papyrus and someone else waiting.

The moment Papyrus saw you, he clambered up, bumping the table as he did. He paid no mind as he quickly ran up to scoop you into a hug.

“I AM SO GLAD YOU COULD COME! IT HAS BEEN SO LONG!”

You laughed, patting him awkwardly on the back while nodding in agreement, “thanks for inviting me.”

“OF COURSE! OH! HUMAN! I AM SO EXCITED. TODAY, YOU WILL MEET MY BROTHER!” And with that, he put you down, more gently than you expected, and turned to give the same treatment to Alphys, then to Undyne.

You smiled all the while, loving to see how genuinely happy he was to be with his friends.

The hostess had made herself scarce during the interaction and Papyrus was the one to lead you all to the table.

There, at the table, to your utmost surprise, was a very familiar face. He gave a casual wave, his lazy smile not moving an inch as you gaped at him.

“THIS IS MY LAZY BONES BROTHER, SANS.”

“she knows.”

“HE IS REALLY QUITE NICE ONCE YOU GET TO KNO—WHAT?” Papyrus looked shocked, then elated.

The group sat down, you ended up sitting beside Sans and Alphys, with Undyne and Papyrus at the other end of the round table.

“Uh, y-yeah! I have—we have met! I didn’t know you were brothers!” You said the last part with a pointed look at Sans, remembering just how vague he was when describing his brother and how intently he had looked at your phone when you got those messages.

“YES, WE ARE BROTHERS, GREAT BROTHERS, SOME OF THE GREATEST BROTHERS, IN FACT, HUMAN. WHEN SANS HEARD I WAS GOING TO GO MEET YOU, HE ASKED TO COME ALONG.”

This fact shocked you more than anything else, thus far. Sans was looking very intently at the menu, almost seeming to not hear his brother speak at all.

“Really?” was all that you could manage, surprise evident in your tone.

Undyne grinned toothily, “probably wanted to make sure you weren’t gonna be a bad influence on his little brother.”

You studied the two skeletons for a moment, taking in the differences in their frames, height, and general appearances. In your head, you smirked at the thought of Papyrus being called little in comparison to anyone, when he was a good head and shoulders taller than the already large Sans.

Outwardly you said, “Well, that’s just what good brothers do.”

The waiter came up to your table, a teenaged boy with dark hair and dark eyes, and asked if you needed anything, or if you were ready to order. You hadn’t even checked the menu yet, Alphys looked striken as she frantically scanned it herself, and you answered for the group.

“Just some waters for now, we need a couple of minutes, I think.”

“Cool,” he said and left.

“So,” you started, looking at the menu for yourself, “have you guys come here before? Any recommendations?”

“SPAGHETTI,” Papyrus supplied instantly. Undyne shrugged and Alphys shook her head.

“I-I try to get s-something different everyt-time, but I liked the ravioli.” She sounded so nervous, despite how confidently she had enlightened you to the twists and turns of her shoujo on the car ride here.

“I do like ravioli, but spaghetti also sounds good.”

Sans said nothing, he alternated between watching you and studying his own menu.

“I LIKE THE SPAGHETTI. IT IS THE ONLY DISH I GET.”

“Oh, I can’t decide,” you whined.

The waiter returned with waters, a pad of paper in his hand, “you ready?”

You nodded but asked to go last. Everyone ordered, Papyrus getting his favourite spaghetti, Undyne getting some shrimp dish, and Alphys getting something that you had never heard of before. Sans simply asked for a bottle of ketchup to be brought to the table, and then, it was your turn.

“I think I’ll get the ravioli…” you trailed off, noticing the little disappointed hunch in Papyrus’ shoulders, “actually—sorry, but I’ll also get spaghetti.”

At that, Papyrus straightened with a wide grin, “I BET YOU WILL LOVE IT, HUMAN.”

Sans, even, smiled a bit at that.

 Lunch was relatively uneventful—relatively, considering it was a lunch shared with two boisterous and loud monsters, a ketchup-loving fiend, and the shiest, nerdiest little lizard you had ever met. It was so much fun, though.

You were glad you got the spaghetti, since it seemed to mean so much to Papyrus, plus it ended up being delicious. Everyone seemed to be enjoying their food, although Undyne kept looking around with a slightly sour face.

“Ugh, I hate being stared at.”

“there is a high pasta-bility that they’re looking at me,” Sans said, raising his ketchup bottle in a mock cheer.

Papyrus groaned, “PLEASE, SANS, YOU WILL MAKE ME LOSE MY APPETITE.”

“Bone appétit,” you added with a grin.

“NO. NOT YOU TOO.” Papyrus looked positively betrayed.

Undyne barked out a laugh, and Alphys looked between you and Sans with a gleam in her eye.

Sans chuckled, “you know you love it, don’t be so saucy, paps.”

“NO!” He protested.

“Doughn’t lose your head,” you grinned.

“STOP!”

The two of you continued to pun for a little longer and eventually, even Papyrus was smiling, despite himself. Undyne even tried to add into the fun, while Alphys watched in amusement at the group’s antics.

 “H-how did you meet Sans, K-Kit?” Alphys asked as you were all finishing your meals.

“Oh, uh, I work at Grillby’s! He’s kind of a regular.”

“yep,” Sans supplied helpfully.

“Yeah, I’ve met a lot of good people while working there,” you continued with a bright smile.

Sans took a sip of his ketchup.

Alphys nodded, “t-that’s cool.” She looked as though she had something else to say, but instead turned to Undyne and whispered in her ear.

Undyne snickered, glancing at you, “hey, Kit, are you free tomorrow?”

“Uhm, yeah, I think so, why?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to have a girl’s day.”

Papyrus looked scandalised, “WHAT!? I WANT TO COME.”

The fish-monster rolled her eyes good naturedly, “Paps, I said a girl’s day.”

“I CAN BE ONE OF THE GIRLS,” he retorted, “WE COULD DO FACE MASKS. THEY DO WONDERS FOR MY COMPLEXION.” As he said this, he struck a dramatic pose, and Undyne whistled her encouragement.

Alphys nudged her and Undyne coughed, “Er, yeah, I know. How about we plan another day to do some facemasks and watch movies?”

“THAT WOULD BE MOST APPRECIATED.”

“So,” she continued as though she had not been interrupted, “you down?”

“To what?”

“Girl’s day.”

“Oh—yeah! I mean, I’m down for both of those events, I mean, unless of course I was not being invited to the second, in which case that’s embarrassing and I’m sorry for inviting myself like that—” you cut yourself off, a little flustered at being so presumptive.

“W-what?” Alphys spoke up, “O-of course you are invited t-to both g-gatherings.”

You nodded sheepishly, “t-thanks. I would love to come.”

Sans watched all of this with a quiet curiosity, then turned to Papyrus, “don’t worry, you don’t have to be bonely tomorrow, you got me.”

“UGH.”

Soon, it was time to go, but you felt so reluctant to leave the company of your friends. Still, at least you had something to look forward to tomorrow.

Papyrus paid for the meal, giving you another hug before leaving, while Sans lingered for a moment. Alphys and Undyne had already stepped outside to call another cab for the three of you.

“paps really admires you.”

You blushed, feeling pleased, “really? Well, that means a lot, he’s a really cool guy.”

At that, Sans seemed to beam, before saying fondly, “yeah, he is a really cool guy.”

“I guess it runs in your family,” you said with a small smile.

“guess so,” he paused, as though contemplating something, “i didn’t know you knew paps.”

“I didn’t know you knew Papyrus.”

“how many skeletons do you think there are?”

“Is this the setup to a joke?”

“no.”

“I don’t know—I thought there was a chance you could be related, but it felt rude to assume that.”

“well, it isn’t a wrong assumption.”

“How many skeletons are there?”

“you’ve met them all.”

That gave you some pause. You knew about the many different species of monsters from the Underground and that there were some that were rarer than others—but two? Two!? You had somehow managed to meet the only two skeleton monsters?

“Really?”

“yeah,” he shrugged.

He started to walk away, but called over his shoulder, “watch yourself, kit. if you hurt my brother, you will have a bad time.” His tone never changed, but the white pupils in his eyes shrank infinitesimally.

You swallowed thickly, feeling a mixture of dismay and something close to hurt, before responding, “I would never want to hurt someone, but especially not him.”

He nodded, continued to walk, then stopped short of the door, “you should make more of that ketchup soon.”

And he was gone. Quickly, you gathered your things from the table and followed suit, finding Undyne and Alphys waiting outside for you. Sans and Papyrus were nowhere to be seen.