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alternateanonymous · 5 months ago

Text

So.... 06/24/2024

So. This is where I am.

I am in a weird place where i am alone. And i am like kinda ok with it, working on it, but the other part im not ok with because im dwelling and thinking of the past and the future. I need to learn to be more in the present.

I am not happy with the person I am. I am kinda dissapointed in myself for a lot of different reasons and I am not in a place where I can find love at all. I am in a dwelling and reflective place. i've needed to write an entry for a while but haven't because i lack the energy and ambition. Same thing with school and working out and the club which makes me sad.

Relating justin: there are a lot of emotions here. I don't think we'd work out, i just have a gut feeling. But i might be down to try if i was more healed but i am not but i could feel myself getting attatched. I was selfish and a little deluded when it came to you and that was at your expense because I just said i wanted to have fun. which was true but not the full truth. The truth is, i am very much not where i want to be and not in a healthy position to even be pursuing any type of relationship even if it's not even on my end. even if someones says they are waiting for me because i do not need that pressure. so, don't wait for me. i would still love to have you in my life as a friend who witnesses my transformation and i would feel like it would be sad to let you go but i understand if it's to akward and difficult for you.

Relating ryu: fuck dude, i know you really like me. but i fucked up, i had "too much fun" and crossed some boundaries I really shouldn't have and i am sorry for that. You don't deserve that and are probably very confused. I need to be more clear.

so basically, here is a life update. Starting with the break of no contact. Didn't talk with him much. talked with him here and there, went on a late night drive with him. Went to anime con with him. It was weird, could tell bro was feeling weird. everything was chill, i started missing him seriously. went on a whole ass walk, Darius came up, made out in my apartment, he met the roomies. Then he professed his love for me and i told him no and bro went all sad boy. i ended up walking around campus for like 3 hours by myself missing stefan and being sad about the darius situation. I ended up blocking him and kevin in a valient effort to move forward and create boundaries. muhsin helped me through that. That went well for about a month and i worked out, other guys told me they were intrested in me. i started getting clloser with freddy. Hung out with freddys in boston and met all his friends, and others. I dropped a whole ass albumn, one that was supposed to be for stefan but they were all bangers and i still wanted to release it but changed them all and then did. by the way. this is all in the same phase era, i don't remeber exactly which came first or what not. hosted ulaunch.

then i went to a car show after pulling an all nighter and driving around in my car. found a really cool spot and sang into the nature. I met abunch of new people, i was a yes gurl that day in my most authentic self. I ended up hanging out alot with the friends I met that day. we got close. i started hanging out with will alot more, did some real date type shit like photoshoots and getting high. p sure bro caught feelings but ended that p quicjly.went to a party with muhsin, amelia and will. Mushin did some fucked up shit and invited stedan there. really dumb. i invited them to my apartment for a party. One of them got close with me and we hung out during that party alone. He got the wrong impression, told me he liked me and i caved for the plot. I told him, no expectations but he said aight. me and that group went to a fire car show. it was fun. That's when shit really got all fucked up. I started talking with another dude about exploring my sexual side, as a purely platonic thing and because I was curious. I created an account where i posted things and got a lot of responses. then I asked him if he wanted to hookup in light of the situation for comfortability purposes, he took it the wrong way and started treating me romantically which made me feel weird but i just brushed it off when i should've addrresed it. It happened and i was super intoxicated and realy didn't want to but said fuck it imma just let it happen because im intoxicated and had a little bit of a panic attack during it. the next week passed, i didn't say anything about the occurence and he didn't either until he called me at 4 in the morning after work telling me his concerns. He felt used and betrayed because I didn't reciporcate any of those feelings or discuss the matter. He told me he didn't want to be friends. I said, i did all i could and said all i could've said. Then he texted me later saying he revokes that statement and wants to be friends. I didn't respond to him. Then that guy that told me he liked me from the party found out. Oh, by the way during all of this i was still hanging out with him and getting super close, same thing with Will, and i was also distancing myself from my previous best friend because of the breakup. Justin asked me about will and i told him. He doesn't know about the site thing. That became a whole thing as he told me Will was back talking me to his friends Shreesh and dominica. I also went to a party with justin. I didn't make out with a girl but said i did. Ya, that was dumb and shitty and i didn't think it had much weight to it but it did end up having weight. it was a whole thing trying to figure that situation out. We kinda did. Me and will hung out a lot less. Me and justin kept hanging out the same amount. Me and justin hooked up because i was super intoxicated and had it in my mind that this is just the way it;s gonna go basically doing it for the plot in a negative and toxic way. I feel like i put myself in a position to be raped, mentally and physically. Also, i hooked up with this other guy named connor. We got stuck in a field and had to be towed. he is hot but he doesn't have the vibes im looking for. also, me justin shreyas and tony all went to worcester for demo ride. it was fucking awesome. also went to a party with the club, jd was playing drums it wsa cool. went to hang with biker group after. Super fun, met a lot of people was super extroverted. Made dp dough in my party fit was fun.

Then my brithday party happened. hung out iwth freddy, julian and justin and syka. Legit one of the best hangouts ever. Brought the club and the biker gang togetyer. Oh, also throughout this period I had some of the best college expereinces with the biker group that i've ever had, so super complex. but brithday happened, i was late to my own birthday and got to wasted and emotional and then justin and ryan almost fought eachother. Both sides didn't like eachother and i was in the middle confused and sad. Also, ryan's gf pulled out of the lease which was a big fuck you and they both lied to me and saxon saying it was cheaper. I didn't trust or like ryan cuz he wanted to hear all of your woes and sorrows but didn't do shit to be there.. I feel like he has no respect for me and verbally talks down on me. But i'm still chill with him. Also, will says a lot of out of pocket and rude things to me about justin and the biker gang like, don't make out with justin, oh was the person that tried to kts from the biker group. anwys, i digress I was then told to talk with everyone about it and to distance myself from justin. Also, told julian about the site. Ended up doing sexy stuff with him too.

Then, I crashed my motorcycle. Almost died. high sided, landed on the other side of the road face down in a pile of blood. went to the hospital. parent's super mad, justin stayed with me the whole time. i got out. went to six flags a few days later, went to a 21 savage and jid concert. went on a boston trip and hiked up a rock mountain. healed, kept gettnig closer with justin but now more in a friend way. Started realized i only wanted him as a friend. hung out with will, went to boston. Had a lot of fun. Hung out with feddy and justin. They got close we went to the zoo and drove around boston. legit had a fire ass day. had them over to the apartment again, went to a brewery and got pulled over. got a massive ticket for like 300 something. went to boston, to see justin like 2 times. paid 40 for parking and then second time got a parking ticket cuz im retarted. paid 90. went to the aquarium with justin. hung out with ryu, went to fan expo. We fake proposed for fun and i kissed him. bro caught feelings. really i shouldn't have done that.

now we are in this phase, started working. now im super reflecting on the fucked shit that happened in the last... what, 3 months. bro and i broke up right before spring break which was in march. like march 17th is when it started. Holy shit bro. my job is being super insecure rn as fuck police details. Im being super reflective. im loving the cyberpunk astehtic. I'm thinking alot about my ex's, myself, watching shows, feeling super lethartic. i want to get out of this mindset but i don't know how. I can't force myself to because then i won't really do it. im lacking who i used to be. how do i change that. 5 crazy changes in the last 3 months is crazy. but yea. so basically. im also thinking about stefan and realzing how much i really did love him. i loved him a lot. the beginning was perfect until it wasn't and idk how long it's going to take for me to get over that. it's so sad. i failed myself and him, and so did he. did i loose the love of my life? no way, no way because the love of my life wouldn't do those things to me. but i lost a very very very imporant person in my life. All i can do is to keep doing better for me, because the love of my life is going to be stefan and more. much more. But i am scared that he was the love of my life and that i am not going to find someone else, and i am also still very unhealed. and if i don't heal myself and be ok then i won't find my love. so i've tried to do other things like like fictional men and etc. ya man, shits crazyyyy. but yea. im scared he was the love of my life because im super unhealed. because im super unhealed i also can't let anyone in to love me or deal with situations properly. i need to learn boundaries and learn how to truly love myself and heal myself through the peace of mind of being confident in me.

wrote this song today.

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or was i the last love that you had

I think of the memories,

��that we both shared

Filled with exactly what i wanted and all i wished for, but those good time can’t be spared

Because i think of the torture, the horror, the pain

I think of the future and the way I couldn't stay

I think of the failed pursuit of love where I tried so hard, and so did you

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or was i the last love that you had

And i’m sad because now i was just another stepping stone

For a broken boy to get to his goal

Of working to fix himself for his one true love

And now i can’t get the sadness out of my mind

Of all the wasted efforts, emotions, and time

Because now im here, and all i can say is so…..

And I tried to pick myself up from the ground

Found someone who was right and could hold me down

But because of the past, i wasn’t able to allow

And im screaming inside cuz theres no way out

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or was i the last love that you had.

so yea mags. you got this. take this time of reflection. its ok. after this period of reflection. use it to slowly boost yourself to become the person you want to be. you want to be reia. be her, it's ok. yea, i have 3 sides. reia, vali and mags. lol, it's cringey don't judge. I have made Neo the love of my life right now lol. it's ok to have fun with thinking about love, just don't dwell on it to much. you are also deeply connected with the sun, eternal sunshine baby. you got this. keep reflecting, it's ok. Know that you have the energy in you somewhere. it's just harder to access right now. so accommodate to that and adapt. you got it maggie

0 notes

leossmoonn · 3 years ago

Text

Unrequited Love || Part Three

masterlist | part two

pairing - 1980’s!stefan salvatore x fem, vamp!reader

type - angst, fluff, smut

note - cannot be read as a stand alone! click on my materlist to find the pervious parts :). 16+

summary - after 64 years apart, you and stefan meet again

warnings / includes - language, alcohol and food consumption, fighting, crying, cheating, steamy make out scenes + fingering and oral (f receiving). lots lots lots of dialogue in this one!

————

*gif isn’t mine*

the wait for friday was the longest wait you had ever experienced in your life. chase was also anticipating your leave as you told him you were traveling with marcy for the weekend. you knew it wasn’t totally foolproof as chase could talk to gabe anytime and gabe could spill the beans, but luckily marcy was already traveling to indiana for the weekend to help her grandkids, so you two would get back home at the same time. you just hoped chase didn’t get nosy and ruin your weekend.

“have fun, but not too much fun,” chase smiled. “no promises,” you chuckled.

“i’m serious,” chase said, gripping your arm roughly.

you looked up at him, glaring at him lightly. “yeah, i was just kidding,”

“good,” chase nodded. “call me when you get there.”

“i will,” you nodded. you grabbed your suitcase and backpack, slinging it over your shoulder. you walked out of the garage and to your car, opening the trunk and setting your things down.

“see you monday,” you said. “c’mere, give me a kiss and hug goodbye,” chase opened his arms to you.

“alright,” you smiled.

you wrapped your arms around him tentatively, feeling uncomfortable as he pulled you into him.

ever since you and stefan shared your kiss a few days ago, you had been slowly distancing yourself from chase. kissing and hugging him didn't feel the same, sleeping next to him didn’t feel the same, even looking at him didn’t feel the same. you still loved chase, but you were quickly falling out of love with him, and you knew he was noticing you change.

chase became more protective and controlling, and with good reason — the protective part. you were always thinking about stefan, smiling randomly and laughing at the memories you made in those 72 hours in the ‘20s. your mind was full of the kiss, both of them. you felt both the sadness and tenderness you felt then and now.

if you thought about the kiss hard enough, you could feel the way his lips moved against yours, how he held you, what he smelled like. it was tearing your relationship with chase apart, but it’s not like you were going to stay very long anyways.

chase had always been controlling and harsh from the start, but he was charming and could be kind when he wanted to as well. the constant fights were what made you grow farther and farther away from him, even before stefan. maybe stefan could be the courage and strength, and reason, you needed for leaving chase.

“have a safe drive,” chase said as you pulled away.

“i will,” you gave him a small smile. you pecked his lips, wishing they were stefan’s. you slipped out of his grasp as quickly as you could. you got into your car and drove away, meeting stefan at his hotel.

“get out, i’m driving,” he said as he approached you.

“alright,” you nodded. you went into the passenger seat, buckling up and waiting for stefan to join you. as soon as he got into the car he noticed your sadness and irritation.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, putting his hand on your leg.

“nothing. i just couldn’t wait to get out of there,” you exhaled.

“did chase do something to you?”

“he just… he is being more controlling than usual. he knows something is up.”

“does he know who i am?”

“no. i don’t talk about past relationships with current ones.”

“what if they ask.”

you shrugged, “i just say i’m not a virgin and move on.”

stedan chuckled, “solid answer. what else do you tell them? what age do you use?”

“i tell them i’m 22, which is what i was turned at. i say my birthday is august ninth, 1964.”

“seems like you got it all figured out.”

“yeah, for the most part,” you nodded.

“how often do you move?” he asked.

“every 5-7 years.”

“and your relationships?”

“they last a couple years if i’m with a human. i dated a vampire a long time ago, he was actually the first one i dated after you. we lasted almost a decade.”

“what happened?”

“we just wanted different things. he wanted to adopt a kid, i wanted to stay childless. i wanted to move states, he wanted to stay near family.”

“wow. it’s almost like a real human relationship.”

you chuckled, “it was the best i’ve ever been in, honestly. it ended amicably, too.”

“what was his name?”

“ryan,” you answered. “do you still talk to him?” he asked.

“no. he, uh, died ten years ago.”

“i’m sorry to hear that.”

you looked at stefan, a hard, apologetic look was on his face was he stared at the road. you smiled a little, placing your hand on his and intertwining your fingers.

“it’s alright. we used to be friends, too. i hope he’s found peace.”

“he has,” stefan nodded. “well, what about you? any lucky ladies?” you smirked.

stefan laughed, “not really. it’s just been lexi and i.”

“what about klaus?” you asked.

“who?” stefan questioned.

you furrowed your brows. was he playing a game again?

“klaus, the vampire who helped you train me. actually, he’s a hyprid.”

“klaus mikaelson?”

“yeah, him,” you nodded. “i…i don’t remember. i think i do, but, it’s all fuzzy,” stefan frowned.

“no, it’s alright,” you said. maybe klaus had erased him memory? it seemed like a very klaus-thing to do. or maybe stefan had blocked out the horrible memories of his ripper days. either way, it was obvious stefan didn’t want to reminisce hurting you.

“how is lexi?” you asked. “she’s great. she wants to meet you someday,” he answered.

“she knows who i am?” you were shocked. you knew who she was from stories stefan told you, but you didn’t think that he would ever tell her about you.

“yeah, she was the one who helped me find you, actually.”

“wow,” you couldn’t help but grin. “i’ll have to thank her.”

“she’s a miracle worker,” he nodded.

you set your eyes back onto the road, your smile staying for a while.

“you look so beautiful,” stefan spoke.

you turned to him, your smile getting wider. “where did that come from?”

“i just wanted to to tell you,” he shrugged with a grin. “you’ve always been beautiful.”

“you thought that 60 years ago?” you asked. “of course. you know, all the teasing wasn’t totally to play with you,” he said.

you giggled, “good to know.”

“i just wish i could’ve felt a little more, otherwise we could’ve been together for the last 64 years.”

“i’m kind of happy with how it turned out,” you said.

“really? why?” he asked. “maybe we wouldn’t have worked then,” you explained.

“who says we’ll work now?” he asked with a grin.

you rolled your eyes, hitting his arm. “whatever. anyways, where are we going?”

“the airport,” he answered.

“what? i don’t have my passport. we don’t have tickets.”

“we’re vampires, babe. we don’t need that stuff,” he snorted.

“where are you taking me?”

“chicago,” he answered. “ch-chicago?” you stammered.

“yeah, i wanted to have our very first date at the speakeasy i saw you in.”

“oh,” you gasped, your body relaxing and your eyes softening. “oh, that’s so romantic.”

“i’m quite the romantic, you know.”

“oh, really?”

“yeah! i just haven’t had time to show you, is all.”

“i can’t wait to see,” you grinned.

you two drove for an hour to the airport. stefan and you compelled your way onto the plane, finding first class seats. stefan ordered some champagne for the both of you as you two got situated.

you sat against your seat arm, putting your legs across stefan’s lap.

“comfortable enough?” he teased. “very. you make a great footrest,” you grinned

“glad i could be of service,” he smiled.

the flight attendant bought back your champagne, handing them to stefan.

“thank you,” he smiled at her. “you’re welcome. anything else i can get you?” she asked.

she bite her bottom lip, batting her eyelashes as she smiled at stefan. you scoffed in disgust. you didn’t want to insult her confidence and courage, but stefan was very clearly with someone, you.

“i think my girlfriend would like a sandwich. right, sweetheart?” he looked to you.

you grinned, a little shocked that he would reject the flight attendant like this. you played along, sitting up and cuddling into his side. you intertwined your hand with his, looking up at the attendant who was red with embarrassment.

“i would like a sandwich. thank you, honey,” you confirmed.

“right away,” she nodded, scurrying away.

you looked at her retreating figure in satisfaction.

“why did you look so shocked?” stefan asked. you set your eyes on him, shrugging. “it’s just weird that you played that card, i guess.”

“well, you’ll be my girlfriend soon. might as well get familiar with the title,” he smiled.

“yeah, you keep dreaming,” you grinned. “do they even have sandwiches on 3-hour flights?”

“i’m sure she can find one,” he shrugged. you chuckled, “you haven’t changed a bit.”

“how so? i have my humanity on now.”

“yes, but you’re still very sarcastic and a little… broody. you still don't give up and don’t stop until you get your way.”

“you’re making me sound like damon,” he grimaced. “well, maybe you two aren’t as different as you think. you two are brothers,” you stated.

“yeah, but he’s supposed to be the one who is pushy and pessimistic,” he said.

“i never said you’re pushy or pessimistic. you’re just determined and focused. not to mention very handsome,” you smirked.

“you think i’m handsome?” he hummed. “oh, i know,” you winked.

“good to know i haven’t lost my swagger.”

“if you say that word again then you will,” you snorted. “well, you definitely haven’t changed, either. little-miss-attitude,” he remarked.

“that’s what makes me attractive,” you giggled. “true, and you’re incredibly good looks, beautiful voice, stunning smile, pretty eyes, warmth and kindness,”he listed off.

“if complimenting each other was a contest i think you'd win.”

“good. i like winning,” stefan said.

“i know,” you sighed contently.

you two spent the rest of the flight talking. you eventually had fallen asleep on stefan’s lap when you had about an hour of flying left. you were curled up against his stomach, his t-shirt bunched up in your hands. he had slung his coat over your arms after seeing you shiver. he spent the rest of the time planning your weekend in chicago.

later that night he was going to take you to the speakeasy to have dinner. then he would take you back to your hotel and would spend the rest of the night however you liked. saturday you two would go on a hike and have lunch, then he planned on making you dinner. sunday was when he was taking you back home, but before you two would get on a plane, he was going to make you breakfast in bed. he hoped nothing got in the way of this weekend, namely your boyfriend. this was his chance to show you that he was the right man for you, and that he was sorry for his past actions. hopefully after this weekend, or even during it, you would choose to break things off with chase.

“y/n, we’re getting off the plane. you need to get up, sweetheart,” stefan whispered in your ear.

“mmm,” you hummed, swatting his face away. “five more minutes.

“you can sleep on the way to the hotel. c’mon, sweetheart,” he nudged you gently.

you sighed, sitting up slowly and yawning. you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, looking out the airplane window, jaw dropping in amazement.

“it’s just like how i remembered. just more clean,” you said.

“it’s even more amazing outside,” stefan smiled.

you nodded, standing up and walking out of the plane. you two got your luggage, walking outside of the airport only for you to start crying.

“hey, what’s wrong?” stefan asked.

“i just… haven’t been here in fifty years,” you exhaled. “shocking isn’t it?” stefan looked at the city with you.

you nodded, “i can’t wait to stay here for the weekend.”

“good, i’m glad you’re excited. let’s go check in to our hotel, shall we?” he suggested.

“yes,” you agreed.

you two grabbed a taxi and stefan gave the driver the hotel location. the whole ride there you looked out of the window, admiring the buildings and familiar streets you used to run across with your friends when you were a child. it almost seemed like a fever dream, living in chicago.

you had only gone back once for a day to search for stefan, and you never went back. you thought that all the bad memories would be too painful for you to endure, but really, the only memories that came to your mind now were happy. they made you a little nostalgic, but you found yourself smiling the whole car ride.

“hi, a room for two under the name stefan salvatore,” stefan told the front desk.

you looked around the hotel as stefan checked you two in. this hotel was a lot more suave than hotels you had been to in the past. it had a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, a fire place and lots of furniture in the main room. you could only imagine what the rooms looked like.

“ready to go?” stefan walked next to you. “yep,” you said, following him up to and up the stairs.

you two used your enhanced speed to get onto the tenth floor. he unlocked your room door, allowing you to go in first.

“i hope you like it. it has a kitchen, two beds in case you didn’t want to sleep next to me, a television, and a jacuzzi,” he said.

“wow,” you gasped. you turned to him. “you didn’t have to do all this, you know.”

“i did.” he set your luggage down in the makeshift kitchen. “i have so much to make up for.”

“you’ve done enough,” you smiled, appreciating his intentions. “hold those words until after this trip. hopefully you’ll still think the same,” he said.

“oh, i’m sure i will.” you looked into the bathroom, surprised at how big it was.

“maybe we’ll put that to good use.” stefan came up behind you, gesturing to the jacuzzi.

you turned around to face him, smirking. “don’t count on it.”

stefan chuckled, “ready for dinner?”

“yes. that sandwich didn’t do anything,” you said, putting your hand on your hungry stomach.

“we can walk to the speakeasy. it’s a couple of blocks away,” he said.

you nodded, grabbing your purse and making your way towards the door. before you stepped out, you remembered you had to call chase.

“hey, can you wait for a minute? i promised chase i would call him.” you gave him an apologetic look, but stefan smiled and nodded understandingly. “of course. take your time.”

“thank you,” you sighed in relief, kissing his cheek before going over to the phone.

you dialed your house phone, chase picking up right on the first ring.

“hey, i got here safe,” you smiled.

stefan watched as you talked to him. you were telling the truth the night he came to your house, you did love chase. he obviously made you somewhat happy as you kept laughing and smiling while talking to him. stefan just hoped he made you a little bit more happy than chase, and that you loved him just a little bit more.

“alright, i gotta go. we have dinner reservations. i’ll talk to tomorrow. i love you, too, bye.” you hung up the phone, standing up and walking back to stefan.

stefan painted on a kind smilie even though hearing you say ‘i love you’ to another man pierced his heart harder than he was sure any stake would.

“sorry about that,” you laughed awkwardly. “no worries, i understand. ladies first,” he held his arm out to the hallway.

“what a gentleman,” you giggled, stepping out and making your way to the stairs.

you two walked go the club, stefan immediately getting you two a table. it was the same table you were sitting at with you and your friends.

“if i didn’t know any better, i’d think you were trying to traumatize me,” you chuckled once you got seated.

“do you not like this plan? we can go somewhere else,” stefan suggested, worry written all over his face.

you furrowed your brows, placing your hand on top of his. “no, i love this. i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said that.”

“it’s okay. i just… have a lot of shame surrounding what i did. believe it or not.”

“i believe you. i appreciate you making all these plans for us. it shows a lot,” you gave him a warm smile.

“you’re welcome. you deserve the best,” he said.

“so do you,” you stated. “eh,” he shrugged.

“i’m serious! this is the most anyone has ever done for me.”

“what about ryan?” he raised his brow.

“he had his moments,” you nodded. “i can’t compare you two, though. you two were very different people, and i dated you two decades apart. it would be unfair to compare.”

“that’s fair,” he nodded. “well, i hope that i at least do more than chase.”

you chuckled, “you do.”

“good,” he grinned. “not that this is a competition, but if it was…”

“you’d be winning, and you love winning. i know,” you smirked.

“not the only thing i love.” he looked into your eyes, a smile creeping up his lips.

you looked down bashfully, averting your attention to the menu in front of you.

“they have the same foods from the ‘20s,” you commented.

“yeah, just more healthy and clean,” stefan said.

“i think my vampire digestive system can handle “dirty” food,” you chortled. “do vampires still come here a lot?”

“eh,” he shrugged. “most of them have relocated to california or new york.”

“i see,” you hummed. “like us.”

“exactly,” he nodded. “so, what are you thinking of getting?”

“not sure. maybe pasta,” you skimmed the menu.

“well, order whatever you want. my treat.”

“do you have money?” you asked. “yep,” he nodded.

“do you have a job?” you asked. “i’ve had jobs here and there. most of the money has come from my father, though,” he explained.

“ah, i see,” you nodded. “what about you?” he asked.

“like you, i’ve had a few jobs here and there. i, uh, actually went to college 30 years ago,” you smiled.

“really? that’s amazing! what did you study?”

“social work,” you answered. “i know, kind of… weird, but i loved it. i spent ten years helping families in florida.”

“it’s not weird. i’m happy to hear you were able to study. i know you talked about it a lot, but you talked about nursing. what changed?”

“it just felt too basic, i guess. i wanted to help people non-medically. if i were a doctor, i would just give my patient my blood and they would be discharged within the day. i wanted the work i did to matter. i was able to save lots of children in orphanages, abusive homes, and change and provide broken families a new, fresh start.”

stefan smiled as he listened to you. his chest filled with pride and joy as you spoke about your work. he loved the way your eyes lit up, the wide smile that took over your features as you told him a few cases you had dealt with. he was happy to see you happy.

he would never admit this, but he was relieved you had moved on from him and with your life. although he wasn’t too pleased to hear about your lovers, he knew it was a normal part of life. he had other relationships, too, so he couldn’t single you out. he was proud of you for achieving your dreams and finding something you were passionate about.

“i do like being a vampire, though. i loved my enhanced abilities, getting to live through every decade. i just like being able go fit in, too. i made lots of friends that have now since died, or we have grown apart. i hope i never forget any of the amazing memories i made there.”

“i understand that,” stefan nodded. “i had a job in atlana for a while. for eleven years i spent my time “human”. it was refreshing, honestly. i was able to make friends as well, and while denying myself the privilege of compelling people, it was the best eleven years of my life. i never realized how hard humans had it before then, either,” he chuckled.

“oh, i know. if you sprained an ankle, you had to be on bed rest for a few days. if you got pregnant, then there goes your whole life. and if you’re angry at someone you can’t compel them to stop being annoying,” you laughed.

“being a vampire is a blessing and a curse,” he said.

“i’ll drink to that.” you held up your glass, clinking it against his. you took a sip of the red wine, setting your glass down.

“what job did you have?” you asked.

“history professor in a college,” he answered.

your raised your brows. now that was a surprise. “i didn’t know you were interested in history or teaching.”

“i love history, and i happen to be a master at it since i’ve lived through it,” he smiled.

“did you re-write the textbooks?” you smirked. “i wish,” he laughed.

“which college did you teach at?”

“harvard.”

“you must be very smart.”

“i don’t like to brag,” he shrugged with a smile.

you giggled, “i could never be a teacher. i hate teaching and talking about the same things over and over again. i need change.”

“is that why you move a lot?”

“well, that and if people notice i’m not aging, they’ll get suspicious. you know that, though.”

“i do,” he hummed.

“where was the longest place you stayed?” you asked.

“north carolina for 15 years.”

“how did you get away with that?”

“i bought a ranch house and lived alone for five years. i then started going out more and meeting people.”

“did you get lonely?”

“no, considering i had my humanity off.”

“really? you don’t feel loneliness or sadness with your humanity off?”

“i don’t. i mean, i can get sad and think about sad things, but i don’t really feel it.”

“must be nice.”

“it’s not. i’d much rather feel than not.”

“why?”

“because then i am able to be with you.”

your jaw dropped softly, turning into a smile. “there you go again with making the butterflies in my chest flutter.”

“i make you have fluttering butterflies?” he hummed.

“of course you do,” you rolled your eyes. “who knew.”

stefan laughed, “you have that effect on me, too, you know.”

“i do?” you brows raised, totally shocked. “from the day we met,” he confirmed.

“ha - liar.”

“it’s true! you were beautiful and witty and caring. that attracted me to you even when i had my humanity off.”

“at least you weren’t totally heartless,” you smirked.

“i’ve always had sensitivity. i got it from my mother.”

“is she a vampire, too?” you asked. “uh, no. she died when i was a kid,” stefan frowned, looking at his glass of wine.

“i’m so sorry. i-i had no.. idea.” you lowered your eyes to your own wine glass.

“it’s alright. you didn’t know. i never talked about my family,” stefan shrugged, giving you a forgiving smile.

“yeah, that’s right. only about damon,” you said. “yeah, i have a hard enough time talking about him,” he snorted.

“i have a hard time talking about marcy, too,” you nodded.

“really? you two are best friends.”

“not since you came to town.”

stefan frowned, “i’m sorry.” “it’s alright, she’s just looking out for me. she thinks i’m going to get my heart broken again. and maybe she’s right, but i’m an adult. if i get my heart broken then that’s my fault and i’ll learn my lesson,” you shrugged.

“i don’t want to be the person that comes between your sister. you two are blood, i’m just this guy kinda ruined your life that you happened to fall in love with.”

you smiled, “you’re very nonchalant.”

he shrugged, “that’s my middle name.”

your waiter came to your table, taking your order. you and stefan talked about your plans for the weekend. you two went home with full stomachs, deciding to de-stress in the jacuzzi.

“i’m surprised you brought your swimsuit. i didn’t tell you to pack it,” stefan said as he stepped inside the tub.

“well, it’s summer so i thought there would be a chance we would go swimming or something,” you shrugged.

“we can go swimming tomorrow after our hike, if you’d like,” stefan suggested.

“i would like that,” you smiled.

“i’ll add it to the agenda,” he said. he slipped into the bubbling water across from you. “would you like some champagne?” he asked.

“no, i’m all alcoholed-out,” you chuckled. “well, i hope you don’t mind me drinking some bourbon,” he said.

“not at all,” you shook your head.

you laid your head back in the jacuzzi, closing your eyes and sighing into the water. the jet massaged your lower back muscles, allowing you to relax even more.

“you look so pretty,” stefan spoke.

you smiled, keeping your eyes closed. “thank you.”

“you’re very welcome. i like your suit. the color looks nice on you.”

“well, thank you,” you said. you slid over to him. you sat up on your knees, putting your hands on his chest and letting his roam up upper body. “you don’t look too bad yourself, you know,”

“i have been told that before, thank you,” he smiled.

“have you always been this built?” you asked. “only when i became a vampire,” he said.

“oh, so muscles come with vampirism?”

“no, i just started working out,” he laughed. “well, it definitely payed off,” you hummed, admiring his chiseled chest and prominent abs.

“glad you thinks so,” he gave you a toothy smile.

you looked into his eyes, giving him a mischievous smile. he quirked his right brow, tilting his head.

“what are you thinking?” he asked.

“nothin’,” you said. “you’re so pretty,” you hummed as you got lost in his eyes.

he blushed, looking down shyly in response. “thank you.”

“you're welcome.” you bit your lip, looking at him with wide eyes through your lashes.

you leaned close to his face, moving your lower body so you were now straddling his waist. stefan set his bourbon down, placing his hands on your waist, pulling you as close as the hot tub would let you be.

“i’ve waited for this day for so long,” stefan mumbled, looking into your eyes.

“you’ve been waiting to be in a hot tub with me for decades?” you smirked.

stefan laughed, “you know what i meant.”

“i know. me, too,” you nodded.

you brought your hands up, water trickling down your arm and onto his collar bones. you ran your fingers through his soft hair and making it damp.

you two enjoyed admiring each other in the silence. you’d never had a more intimate moment than this one. not even sex came close. this was the best way, in your mind, to spend time with your romantic partner. in the warm water, holding each other, getting lost in each other’s eyes — it was perfect.

“i really like this bathing suit,” stefan broke the silence.

“thank you. it’s actually new. this is the first time i’ve worn it.” you looked down at the suit. it was a navy blue suit with white straps and a white stripe around your waist, white lining the seams of the suit. you had actually bought it in preparation of going to florida with chase, but you thought this would be a better use.

“oh, you bought it for me?” he grinned. “you’re not that special,” you giggled.

he shrugged, “as long as i’m the first one to see you in it.”

“you might be the only one, too,” you winked.

“oh?” he raised a brow. “i wonder if i’ll be the only one to see it on the floor, too.”

he lifted his head up to your neck, placing soft kisses and nibbles on your skin. you closed your eyes, reeling your head to the side to give him more access. your hands went to the back of his head, gripping his hair at the nape of his neck. he kissed a hot, wet trail up to your lips, his hand taking the back of your head and pulling your lips onto his.

a thrill ran up your spine as you two kissed. your pushed your chest up to his, your hips beginning to move on top of his. breathy moans left your lips as your clit rubbed against his boner. stefan’s hands dug into your back, where the swim suit opened, surely making half-moons.

you were about to slip your swimsuit straps off when the phone rang. you pulled away immediately, causing water to flood over the tub ledge. you got one foot out of the tub before stefan grabbed your arm.

“let it ring. whoever it is, they’ll leave you a message,” stefan urged you to come back.

you shook your head. “it might be marcy.”

“and it might be not. come back, please? we don’t have to do anything but just sit here and talk,” he begged.

you sighed, taking your other foot out and sitting on the ledge.

“i’ll be back.” you leaned over and planed a kiss on his forehead. you pulled away, getting up and wrapping yourself in a towel as you hurried to the phone. you picked it up, hoping it was marcy, but it wasn’t.

“finally, you answered. i was getting worried.”

“oh. hi, chase,” you sighed.

“what’s wrong? you sound disappointed,” he asked.

“nothing, i am just so tired,” you gave him a fake laugh.

“what did you do today?” chase asked.

“oh, lots of things.”

“like what?”

“drove around, went to indianapolis, had dinner” you answered.

“how was downtown?”

“fun.” you smiled as you thought about the plane ride.

“what did you guys do?” chase asked. “um… lots of stuff,” you replied.

“like what?”

“fun stuff.”

“why are you being so vague?”

“i-i’m not,” you frowned. “yes, you are. is there something you’re hiding. wh-why are you lying to me?” he asked.

“i’m not! you’re just making things up!” you lied. you began to bite your nails. you didn’t like that you were lying to him, although you had been for the past week and really, for the past three months. but you knew that when he would find out the truth, and he would, he would be in so much more pain than he was now.

“stop lying to me! you’ve been lying to me for the past week. what have you been doing behind my back? s-seeing another guy? wha-what is it?”

it broke your dead, cold heart to hear him cry.

“no, i-it’s not like that,” you shook your head, your voice getting more quiet with each word.

“then what is it? you’re killing me here, baby.”

“i’m… i’ve been trying to get into medical school.” you bit your lip nervously.

he was silent for a few moments. you were about to throw up.

“oh, well, why didn’t you tell me? i would’ve helped.”

“i just um…” you let out a breathy laugh. “was embarrassed.”

“oh, baby. you don’t need to be embarrassed about anything. i know how much you love helping people and how smart you are. i-is it a money thing? you know my dad has —”

“no! no, no, no, it is not a money thing, trust me,” you sighed. “i just felt silly, is all. i mean, i’m at my prime child-bearing age and i know you want kids someday, so i don’t want to throw that dream away just because of my career.” you cringed as you spoke. you couldn’t believe what you were saying, it was a load of bogus, but it was what you knew that chase would accept.

“we can have kids whenever! i don’t care. you do whatever you want, babe.”

“thanks,” you smiled genuinely.

stefan came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. you turned your head, eyes widening and jaw dropping as you noticed he didn’t have his swim trunks on anymore. the towel hung low, low enough to where you can see his defined v-line going all the way down.

“y/n? are you there?”

“o-oh, yeah,” you nodded, not taking your eyes off of stefan.

stefan smirked at you, leaning against the wall and flexing.

“um, i gotta go. marcy wants to walk around the city to see the lights,” you said quickly. you didn’t even know what you said. you hoped it made sense.

“alright. have fun and stay safe. when you get back we can talk about medical school and i can help you.”

you took your eyes off of stefan for a second, looking to the ground and smiling at chase’s words. he could be so sweet when he wanted.

“thank you. it means a lot.”

“of course. i love you.”

“i-i love you, too,” you whispered, hanging up the phone.

“you want to go to medical school?” stefan asked.

“i did before. i wouldn’t be opposed to it now,” you shrugged.

“i’d like to see you in the office with a white doctor’s coat, sitting at your desk with your name on a plaque,” he stated.

“i have a few plaques already, actually,” you said.

“oh? well, can i see them?” he asked. “sometime,” you nodded.

“what do you want to do now?” stefan asked, walking over to you.

your eyes fell from his eyes to his chest, down to his hips where he left nothing to the imagination.

“my eyes are up here, sweetheart.”

your eyes lit up as they met his. heat flushed your face and you smiled shyly, feeling a little embarrassed.

“sorry. you just look so… good,” you sighed happily.

“you think so?” he hummed. “mmhm,” you nodded.

“you do, too,” he smiled, looking you up and down painfully slowly.

you shook your head with a laugh, butterflies fluttering around your stomach. “no, i look like a drowned rat.”

“then put some clothes on and dry off,” he shrugged. “or take them off and i can help you get dry.”

you breath hitched as you eyed him, a little surprised at his suggestive-ness. boy, you had missed out on a lot in the past 64 years.

you stood up, walking over to him. you put your hands on his chest, looking him in the eyes, trying to match his energy.

“wanna undress me, then?” you hummed.

“oh, i’d be happy to,” he grinned.

his hand went up to your shoulders, pulling down the right strap of your bathing suit slowly. you waited in anticipation, your legs moving back and forth as you watched his hand drag your strap down your arm.

he was so warm, it gave you goosebumps. his hands were so big, his fingers long and meaty and so gentle as they ran across your skin. just looking at them made the heat grow between your thighs, but them on you almost made you go crazy.

“have i told you how much i like this bathing suit?” he asked.

“a couple times,” you nodded.

“well, hope you don’t mind me saying it again. you look gorgeous with it. i love the blue against your complexion, how the white outlines your curves nicely,” he complimented.

you smiled, “you’re too kind.”

“nu-uh, i’m just tellin’ the truth,” he shook his head.

you parted your legs slightly to let the swimsuit drop to the floor. you suddenly felt shy and colder. you put your hands on your stomach and waist, not looking at him in the eyes, only looking at the swimsuit pooled at your legs.

stefan brought his hand up to your chin, lifting your head up slowly. your eyes met his, noticing the lust and love that clouded his eyes.

“you’re beautiful. no need to cover up unless you absolutely don’t want to do anything,” he said.

“i do i just… don’t look as good as i usually do,” you sighed.

“darling, trust me, you look amazing. there is no such thing as “not looking good as usual” because no matter what you wear, makeup or no makeup, if you’re tired or super awake and bouncing around the walls, you will look gorgeous always.”

“oh, you’re such a charmer,” you rolled your eyes with a smile.

“i’m telling the truth,” he repeated.

you put your arms to your sides, moving closer to stefan so your chest met his.

“so beautiful,” he muttered, his eyes gazing at your breasts.

you giggled, “you’re so handsome.”

your eyes ran over his chiseled chest and strong shoulders. you noticed the tattoo he had on his arm, putting your fingers on it and tracing the pattern.

“when did you get this?” you asked.

“about fifteen years ago,” he answered, glancing over to the tattoo. “it was a skull at first, but then i realized how dumb that looked, so i had them re-trace over it.”

“it’s pretty,” you hummed. “you think?” he asked.

“i do,” you nodded, looking at him again.

both of your hands ran up his shoulders and to the back of his head. you buried your fingers in his damp, cold hair, bringing him impossibly closer to you. his towel came loose and dropped to the floor. you could feel him on your hip. you gave him a cheeky smile as he gave you a bashful smile.

“have a bed preference?” you asked.

“this one will do.” he grabbed your waist and threw you onto the bed, climbing on top of your and crashing his lips onto yours.

you moved up on the bed, laying against the pillows without breaking the kiss. stefan’s lips trailed down to your neck, sucking and nipping roughly. you let out a breathy moan, calling his name out and making him bite you harder. he trailed love bites down to your breasts, attaching his mouth to your swollen nipple. you bucked your hips up to meet his, your hands pulling at his hair and finger nails digging into his neck.

“stefan, oh,” you whimpered as his teeth tugged at the bud.

one of his hands went in-between you two, his fingers tip-toeing down to your pussy. you gasped as he spread your legs open and found your clit, circling the pearl with the tip of his finger.

“fuck, stefan,” you panted. “feel good?” he lifted his head up.

you nodded furiously, tilting your head back and pushing it into the pillows. he scooted down, running his tongue down your stomach, making you giggle.

“that tickles, stef!”

“oops,” he chuckled, replacing his fingers with his tongue.

you grabbed a handful of his hair, jerking your hand as his tongue circled your clit and applied pressure. his fingers slowly slipped into your pussy. he couldn’t help but moan at the warmth and wetness. you spread your legs wider for him, anxious for him to start moving his fingers.

“eager, are we?” stefan hummed against your skin.

“please,” you breathed out. “i’ve been waiting for this for 60 years.”

“long time to be waiting.”

“y’know, sometimes i think about you when i’m kissing chase,” you said absentmindedly.

“oh, yeah? you ever say my name?” he asked. “almost,” you moaned, moving your head from side to side.

you could feel his smirk on your skin. he pressed a sloppy, wet kiss to your pussy. he curled his fingers inside of you, moving back and forth and hitting your g-spot effortlessly.

“oh, stefan, stefan!” you called out, moving your hips in rhythm with his fingers.

he lifted his head up, adoring the way your eyes were rolling back, mouth open with whines and moans coming out, back arching. you looked perfect.

“good thing we have all night for you to say my name.”

————

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