#stayed in bed until like 11 and hated myself for it

[uitzinnigmp3]

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[seventh-district]

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[thegreatestheaver]

Day one no caffeine I’m starting to taste colors and see sounds

[shjsnjkj]

Kinktober Masterlist '24

-`♡´- This masterlist is made by me and @luviwon, the sweetest girlie I know. We decided to split the list in half but you can also find some episodes we wrote together! I will post on the odd days while she will on the even ones. ♡ You can find @luviwon's masterlist here! -taglist is open I hope that everyone will love our work as we put a lot of effort into it. Make sure to reblog and leave feedback if you liked it! Sending lots of love! ૮₍ • ˕ - ₎ა♡₊˚ -link to my masterlist!

OCTOBER 1 --- LEE HEESEUNG' COME 2 ME

☆ boyfriend!heeseung x girlfriend!reader ; After a rough day at work, you finally stepped out of the office building, only to find yourself caught in a sudden downpour. That would've been no problem because you love rainy days, but you didn't have an umbrella, and your phone's battery died as well. You prayed that your boyfriend, Heeseung would pass by your workplace and pick you up, but you knew he was working late. But not today, he came to you with his new car. You were so happy to see him and couldn't wait to thank him for saving you tonight. “You know, I’m ready. Waiting for you every night. Entrusting myself to your touch”

OCTOBER 2 --- YANG JUNGWON' MY PERSONAL STYLIST

☆ stylist!jungwon x model!reader ; Jungwon always finds the most fashionable pieces of clothing for you to try out, but when one day he decides to wrap you up in his own hands, well that becomes your new favourite fit.

OCTOBER 3 --- PARK JONGSEONG' THE BOY NEXT DOOR

☆ bnd!jay x reader ; Thunderstorms, no electricity, no key to your apartment. The only thing you could do was to stay for the night at your neighbor, Jay's apartment.

OCTOBER 4 --- SIM JAEYUN' ANNIVERSARY BREEDING

☆ boyfriend!jake x girlfriend!reader ; Before you know it, you reach your 5th anniversary with your boyfriend, and before you feel it, he is 8inch deep inside you. but this time, he will leave a special present there for you.

OCTOBER 5 --- PARK SUNGHOON' MY SUMMER LOVE

☆ sunghoon x reader ; It was August 31st, and you were heading back home tomorrow because of school. Unfortunately, sleep didn't come easily. Your mind kept replaying all the memories you had with Sunghoon this summer, except for one. The one you'll be making tonight with the help of his camera. “Fly through the deep night to you. In the thick darkness, I will hold you again”

OCTOBER 6 --- KIM SUNOO' MUTUAL TOUCHING

☆ bestfriend!sunoo x reader ; Someone once said that having a sleepover with your boy best friend is not the smartest idea. you wondered why, until you returned to your bedroom to find Sunoo touching himself and ultimately agreeing to pleasure each other.

OCTOBER 7 --- PARK SUNGHOON' BEST FRIENDS, RIGHT?

☆ bestfriend!sunghoon x reader ; Jealousy. This was the first time you felt that emotion while seeing your childhood best friend, Sunghoon around girls except you. You hated to admit it, but you found out yourself craving his touch every time you saw him. Maybe today is the day, to be honest and open up to him.

OCTOBER 8 --- NISHIMURA RIKI' CLASSROOM HOOK UP

☆ classmate!niki x reader ; You really hated the physical education class, and so did your classmate niki. but skipping it together didn’t keep you from finding another way to burn some calories.

OCTOBER 9 --- SIM JAEYUN' MIDNIGHT FICTION

☆ roommate!jake x reader ; You have this little habit, of reading fanfictions before going to bed. Every night you'd dream about him touching you, heavily making out at the wall. But you never thought that this would come true tonight with your roommate Jake.

OCTOBER 10 --- PARK JONGSEONG' MY FITNESS INSTRUCTOR

☆ fitness instructor!jay x reader ; Wishing to get in shape for summer, you hired your own instructor to help you reach your goal. yet later one, your only fitness target turned into feeling him press hard against your ass while bending down to stretch your body.

OCTOBER 11 --- LEE HEESEUNG' FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

☆ fwb!heeseung x reader ; “I’ll be alone tonight, do you wanna come over?” This was Heeseung's first time at your place. You were on your own at home, and he couldn't wait to touch you again after agreeing to this relationship. It was snowy outside, but inside your home all the windows became foggy that night due to the hot air between you two.

OCTOBER 12 --- KIM SUNOO' PHONE SEX

☆ dating app stranger!sunoo x dating app user!reader

; “lonely at night? don’t worry, ‘call a lover’ will bring you the company you need in just a couple of seconds”. out of curiosity, you downloaded the dating app mentioned in the ad, just to say goodbye to boredom. I mean, it’s not like you’ll end up moaning a stranger’s name tonight, right?

OCTOBER 13 --- SIM JAEYUN' STARRY NIGHT

☆ chrucrchboy!jake x reader ; “You and I under the moonlight. We bloom at night.” Jake and you have been friends since you relocated to the same area. You never imagined that this sweet guy you go to church with every Sunday would have these naughty fantasies about you, and no one else. After your birthday, he took you to a beautiful garden far from your home, where you could make love in secret, unheard.

OCTOBER 14 --- YANG JUNGWON' PORNSTAR COLLAB

☆ pornstar!jungwon x pornstar!reader

; Having been in the adult industry for only a year, you’re constantly surprised by what the directors come up with next. but who would have guessed that their latest surprise would be filming a scene with your favorite actor?

OCTOBER 15 --- LEE HEESEUNG' BIRTHDAY SEX

☆ boyfriend!heeseung x girlfriend!reader ; Heeseung’s 23th birthday. You decided to surprise your boyfriend with the members after their concert. He loved every single minute of it, especially the ones you two shared throughout the night. You didn’t hesitate and relaxed in the indoor jacuzzi with some champagne and strawberries covered in …

OCTOBER 16 --- SIM JAEYUN' POST-MATCH

☆ football captain!jake x cheerleader!reader ; When it comes to football, you know that for Jake a new victory means a following night out with the boys. this time, though, luck is not on their side and Jake’s frustration needs to be buried somewhere else. maybe inside you would be just the great spot for that.

OCTOBER 17 --- PARK JONGSEONG' LULLABY

☆ uncle!jay x niece!reader ; Going on a vacation with your uncle looked like a wonderful idea. But little did you know, you will share a bedroom with him.

OCTOBER 18 --- KIM SUNOO' FAMILY DINNER FINGERING

☆ fiancé!sunoo x reader ; It didn’t take long for everyone in your family to hear about your engagement, so they organised a dinner to celebrate the two of you. but truth be told, can sunoo really keep his hands away from you under the eyes of other people? or will he just not give a damn about it and let his fingers do their trick?

OCTOBER 19 --- PARK SUNGHOON' GLASSES

☆ boss!sunghoon x worker!reader ; “I can’t endure it anymore, come to me. Just a little bit closer.” Stealing glances with your boss wasn't the best idea, especially when you're working on an important project and you're supposed to give it your all. He didn't like the result, it was full of mistakes and you had to get yourself together, as he said. So you had to stay overtime. Nevertheless, you were not alone, Sunghoon stayed with you and helped you get yourself together in every way possible.

OCTOBER 20 --- YANG JUNGWON' BEACH SEX

☆ ex boyfriend!jungwon x ex girlfriend!reader ; Going on a trip with your highschool group of friends sounds all perfect until you find out your ex will be there too. And you feel annoyed about it, that until you end up on top of him with your swimming suit buried somewhere in the sand. “We don’t need to tell your new boyfriend about it, sweetheart”

OCTOBER 21 --- LEE HEESEUNG' DAD'S BEST FRIEND

☆ heesung x reader ; Heeseung was your favorite person when you were a little girl, but after moving to a new country, you slowly started to forget him through the ages. Forget all his beautiful features, the memories you shared with him, and the song he sang to you the last night you saw him. Receiving little kisses and sleeping with him wasn't the same as you remembered either.

OCTOBER 22 --- PARK JONGSEONG' BACKSTAGE SUPPORT

☆ idol!jay x girlfriend!reader ; Performing on stage is indeed stressful, so sometimes Jay just needs his antistress toy to calm down. that’s why you wait for him patiently in the backstage, just in case he needs to recharge in between performances.

OCTOBER 23 --- PARK SUNGHOON' MOONSTRUCK

☆ sunghoon x reader ; Your fiancé, your parents, and your loved ones are waiting for you to show up at the altar in that beautiful white dress. But you are not even in the same place with them. Right now you're with Sunghoon, hand in hand, melting into each other's touch with your engagement ring on the ground.

OCTOBER 24 --- YANG JUNGWON' MIRROR KINK

☆ boyfriend!jungwon x girlfriend!reader ; A new house brings new surprises, and the bedroom ceiling mirror is no exception. at first, you don’t give it too much thought —until you catch your boyfriend’s reflection in it, relentlessly pleasuring you.

OCTOBER 25 --- NISHIMURA RIKI' LIPS

☆ rival!niki x reader ; You and Niki were the best dancers in the whole school, but everyone knew that you were enemies. One day, someone spread a rumor that the two of you were secretly dating. As soon as you heard it, you ran to Niki and asked him what was going on. "I wouldn't mind if the rumors were true." -He said.

OCTOBER 26 --- KIM SUNOO' SHOWER SEX

☆ step brother!sunoo x reader ; “What about we just share this one today?” Sunoo whispers into your ear, slowly taking more of your personal space inside the shower cabin. “let’s just wash these sinful desires of ours away here for now.”

OCTOBER 27 --- NISHIMURA RIKI' ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS ORAL TIME

☆ rich boy!niki x tutor!reader ; as Niki's grades keep considerably going down, you are being in charge of bringing them back to an average score, giving him private lessons at his house. Niki's stubbornness, though, and his constant dirty lines to flirt with you, do not help at all. so coming to an agreement together, you offer a little bit of you to every right answer he gets. it goes without saying now that by the end of the day, he would have mastered the subject just as much as your body.

OCTOBER 28 --- MAKNAE LINE' DRINKING GAME

☆ boyfriend!niki x girlfriend!reader x best friends!sunwon ; One too many drinks lead to the raise of unexpected secret fantasies, and that's how a birthday party for Jungwon turns into a dirty race, fighting for who to fill your holes next. and you would think your boyfriend Niki could never allow that, but the growing bulge in his pants when Sunoo is fucking you from behind, well, says something totally different.

OCTOBER 29 --- HYUNG LINE' ACT LIKE AN ANGEL, DRESS LIKE CRAZY

☆ brother!niki x sister!reader x brother's friend group!hyung line ; You came across as angelic to everyone, but deep down, that wasn't really you. only you know who you truly are, and you were ready to break free from expectations tonight and do all the things with your brother's best friends that you've always dreamed of.

OCTOBER 30 --- PARK SUNGHOON & KIM SUNOO' PANORAMA

☆ ambassador!sunsun x photographer!reader ; You always captured the models and the million-dollar products from afar. To be honest, you always wanted to try on some jewelry or something luxurious after being done with your work. Tonight you not just tried on the gems, you felt them as close as possible. Not to mention you got the chance to admire the streets of Tokyo from above with the help of the two ambassadors of Cartier taking turns behind your back.

OCTOBER 31 --- ENHYPEN' DARK MOON

☆ enhypen x reader ; Holding a halloween party on an abandoned island does not sound like the greatest idea at first, but it gets so much better when you get the best prizes for simply being there. as they wish to fulfill your dirty desires, enhypen organises a small game of hide and seek for you. but this one is a little different, as the prize for finding each and everyone is feeling them deep inside you, one by one, taking over your body and treating you just like the sex doll you wished to be. be careful, though, as there might be scary traps on the way to your reward (even though you can confirm that the only scary thing would be chocking on anything else other than their cocks)

[thelonelyempath]

Hospital Prompts

1. "I know it hurts, love. You'll be okay."

2. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

3. "I'm right here. I won't leave you."

4. "Are you laughing because the joke I told was funny or because you're high on pain meds?"

5. "As soon as I heard what happened, I dropped everything and rushed over here."

6. "Wake up, baby...please..."

7. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

8. "Easy, babe. You're gonna pop your stitches."

9. "You know I try my best to be all big and tough for you. But when I saw your lifeless body in that hospital bed, I couldn't stop myself from breaking down."

10. "Hospital food is gross." "I know, but you need to eat something."

11. "When you didn't wake up, I honestly thought the worst."

12. "You hit your head pretty hard."

13. "The call button's there for a reason, sweetie."

14. "Seeing you like this hurts."

15. "I'm gonna die here."

16. "I know you hate hospitals, honey. But this is really the safest place you could be right now."

17. "Please tell me that isn't your blood on your shirt."

18. "Come on...stay with me..."

19. "Can you hear me?"

20. "How bad's the pain right now?"

21. "In case this is the last time I get to say it, I love you."

22. "I'm watching my partner/spouse fight for their life right now, and you're seriously upset because I didn't return one phone call?!"

23. "Is there really nothing you can do? Surely there has to be something..."

24. "Sit still. Let me sign your cast."

25. "I love you. I love you more than anything else in the world. You are the one and only love of my life. That being said, you need to be more careful."

26. "Does it look bad?"

27. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

28. "You're squeezing my hand too tight." "I'm not letting go. The thought of losing you scares the shit out of me."

29. "What have I told you about getting into fights?" "They were talking shit about you!"

30. "You have to let them help you."

31. "I'm not that sick!"

32. "Still hurts, huh?"

33. "I was so worried about you!"

34. "I can't see anything."

35. "I'm not leaving until they kick me out."

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 23

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

Masterlist

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Saturday, December 5th; 11:00 AM - Ona and Alexia’s Room

I gradually begin to emerge from my sleep. I’m lying on my stomach and stretch without any restraint. I take the opportunity to grab my phone from my nightstand. I'm surprised when I see the time. It’s the first time I’ve slept until 11:00 AM at school.

“The groundhog is finally up.”

I groan in frustration at the sound of that voice. She’ll never leave me alone, will she? I thought I’d at least have some peace on my Saturday morning. I don’t even want to know how long she’s been here waiting for me. Bronze hasn’t left me alone since our visit to the doctor. I was so fed up that I insisted on returning to classes on Wednesday morning instead of Thursday just to get away from her. I was still slightly sick, and of course, my return didn’t go unnoticed in class. But at least Bronze allowed me to stay with them and start revising for my upcoming exams that day. It didn’t stop her from continuing to hover over me, though. I almost regret deciding to stay here this weekend. Especially since Joan would kill me if he knew I could go home. Two months ago, I would have been the first to run away from school. But this weekend is different. Bronze promised we’d go out to do our Christmas shopping. She seemed to like the idea when I suggested it, saying she’d use the opportunity to buy her gifts too. I take the time to stretch again before rolling onto my back. I’m surprised not to see her by my side as usual. I prop myself up on my elbows to look for her. I quickly spot her sitting on my desk, her feet swinging in the air.

“Can’t you give me a break?” I chuckle, letting myself fall back onto my pillow.

“You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not,” she teases.

“Especially this week,” I sigh, closing my eyes again. “How long have you been here?”

“I just got back about fifteen minutes ago.”

I place my hand over my eyes to shield myself from the light, taking a deep breath. Since yesterday, I can finally breathe through my nose again. It’s pure bliss! Especially for Alexia, who wouldn’t stop complaining about my snoring. I’m relieved that the medication is finally working. The doctor wasn’t so clueless after all. At least he knows how to do his job. I’ve got a few days left on the antibiotics. If it were up to me, I would have stopped taking them yesterday, but Bronze insists that I finish them all to ensure I’m fully recovered. I still cough a bit and occasionally have a hoarse voice, but otherwise, it’s all gone. In fact, I’m coughing right now, like my life depends on it. It’s a phlegmy cough, which according to Bronze, is a good sign.

“If you don’t hurry up and get ready, we’ll have to eat here.”

That sentence had the desired effect. In less than ten seconds, I’m on my feet, not caring that I’m only wearing an old T-shirt of my dad’s. If we stay here, she’ll make me eat soup again. If not, I noticed there’s cabbage on the menu for lunch, and I hate that. Better to eat out so I can finally have a proper meal. I grab some fresh clothes and then have to pass by Bronze to get to the bathroom. Unexpectedly, she blocks my way by putting her foot on the bar of my bed. I almost fell backward from the unexpected impact.

“What now?” I grumble.

“Open your mouth.”

I roll my eyes as I accept the spoonful of syrup. I’ve stopped arguing with her since she’s taken my medical care so seriously. I feel like a child, but it seems to make her happy. The upside is that I’m healing quickly by letting her take care of me. I’d never have taken this much syrup and nasal spray without her. She finally lets me pass, a silly smile on her lips. I don’t bother closing the bathroom door behind me since she can’t see me from where she is and I just need a quick freshening up since I showered last night. I get dressed, finish up with my hair, and check myself in the mirror one last time to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. I return to the room, where Bronze still hasn’t moved. I must not have taken long thanks to my morning routine. She doesn’t notice me as she’s absorbed in her phone.

“I’m ready,” I inform her.

“You get motivated so easily,” she smiles, looking up.

“I wasn’t going to say no when you’re finally letting me have a proper meal! I swear, if you offer me soup one more time, I don’t know what I’ll do to you.”

She chuckles, jumping off my desk. We put on our jackets, and I grab my bag before following her outside. I understand why she wanted me to hurry when I see Engen at the front desk. She wanted to make sure we could leave without being noticed by anyone else. Bronze drives more carefully than usual due to the snow that hasn’t stopped falling for days. It’s still snowing today, in fact. It’s surprising to see the roads so clear with all this snowfall.

“Does it always snow this much here?”

“I’d say so. Why?”

“It doesn’t snow at Barcelona.”

“That, I believe. It came late this year, but now I think it’s here to stay for a while.”

Everything is white, except for the road. I could get used to this scenery. There must be a good ten centimeters of snow. I’m glad I brought my boots. I’ll try to take the opportunity to look for a new jacket. At least I won’t have to keep borrowing Bronze’s, even though I really like it.

“You’re not used to this weather, are you?”

“No, not at all,” I chuckle. “I’m just not used to the cold.”

“You said you were from Portugal, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Where exactly?”

“Lisbon.”

“Porto, for me.”

“So it’s true. You’re from Portugal too?”

“Yes, of course,” she smiles. “When did you move to Barcelona?”

I tense up immediately. Bronze quickly apologizes, realizing she’s crossed a line. I tell her it’s fine, even though it does affect me. This is where everything sort of started. I turn my head towards the window before beginning my explanation.

“My parents separated when I was ten. My mom received an offer from a Barcelona hospital that she couldn’t refuse. It was the perfect chance for a fresh start, especially since she’s originally from there.”

“I see. Didn’t you want to stay with your dad? You seem close to him.”

“Believe me, if it had been up to me, I would have stayed in Lisbon, but my dad was in the military. He couldn’t keep me with him.”

I freeze, realizing too late that I spoke in the past tense. I glance at Bronze, who either hasn’t noticed or is hiding it well. She just nods. I relax a little, sinking back into my seat.

“I’d love to go back one day,” I confide. “Not necessarily to Lisbon, but I’d like to live in Portugal again.”

“Really? Do you miss it?”

“Let’s just say I have all my memories there. I used to go back during the holidays when my dad wasn’t on a mission… It was my refuge.”

“Stay here in Manchester if you want a change of scenery.”

We’ve had this conversation before not too long ago. She knows I’m thinking about it. I didn’t expect her to encourage me to do it.

“You said you were starting to like it here, so why not?”

“It’s a possibility. I’ve thought about it, but it’s more complicated than that. How am I supposed to live here? I’d be unemployed, and on top of that, I’d be coming from a damn camp… I’m not sure that makes a good impression on a resume.”

“Would you like to live here?”

I don’t answer right away. I weigh the pros and cons of her question. In reality, I have no idea. I don’t know anything except the camp. I’ve had a taste of the city, but not in depth.

“No idea,” I shrug. “I don’t know much, really. I’d like to visit the city sometime.”

She seems to be thinking. I had asked her before to give me a tour, but we never revisited the topic. I didn’t want to seem pushy by insisting. If it happens, I want the offer to come from her. She was about to say something but then stops herself and completely changes the subject, telling me she knows some nice places near the mall for lunch. As long as there’s no soup involved, I don’t care where she takes me. A few minutes later, we arrive at our destination. It’s a small, cozy restaurant. We’re warmly welcomed and quickly seated. It’s not too crowded. It seems like the kind of place with lots of regulars. We ordered our drinks first, then our meals. I got a chicken cordon bleu. It’s my first real meal of the week, and I plan to enjoy it now that I can finally eat something solid again. Bronze smiled amusedly at my order. I wasn’t joking when I said I’d strangle her if she offered me soup one more time.

“I have a proposal for you,” she says seriously.

“What kind of proposal?”

“I’ll give you a tour of the city one weekend when you get a pass.”

“Really? Like, a whole weekend?”

“Yes, a whole weekend,” she laughs. “I’ll host you so we can have more freedom. That way, you can get a feel for the city. But I’d prefer if we do it after the Christmas holidays.”

I can’t believe it. She finally offered! A whole weekend at her place and a tour of the city. What more could I ask for? She really got me earlier when she changed the subject! I can barely resist jumping for joy. She’s doing everything she can to make me happy. I should pay for the meal, actually. Not only because she paid last time, but also to thank her for everything she’s done for me. I’m probably the only student she treats like this, after all.

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

I nod enthusiastically, my wide smile never leaving my face. She laughs softly. To think that back in early October, I couldn’t stand her. Now, I’m not sure I could do without her. We’ve reached a point where we’re eating out together at a restaurant. Our food arrives shortly after. That was incredibly fast. My stomach growls at the sight of my dish. I barely manage a quick “Bon appétit” before diving into the food. I close my eyes, savoring the meat. I even let out a little moan, which makes Bronze laugh.

“Don’t make fun of me! You’re the one who deprived me of decent food for a week.”

“You’re the one who was sick and didn’t have an appetite until today.”

I stick out my tongue at her, and her smile widens. We eat leisurely, chatting about my classes and revisions, which are already getting on my nerves. However, I have to admit that her lessons are paying off. Her supervision motivates me to keep going and make my goal possible. My math teacher, who’s also my homeroom teacher, gave me a schedule for the tests I agreed to retake. I’ll be taking one or two after my classes under Bronze’s supervision in a classroom. Without these new tests, I would have had an extra week to prepare for the final exams of the semester, which are scheduled for the last week before the holidays. I would have preferred to take everything in the last week, but Bronze thought that was too much and suggested I take the others the week before. So, I’ll have two very busy weeks in a row. I feel like I won’t be getting much sleep in the coming nights, even if Bronze manages to help me revise effectively.

“By the way, do you have any plans for New Year’s?”

“Oh, so I’m allowed to celebrate that one?”

Has she already forgotten that she banned me from parties? I’d regret reminding her if that’s the case. January 1st falls on a Friday, and we start right back up on Monday from what I’ve seen. I can’t afford to mess up anyway. I had some major bouts of depression after my detox. Bronze had to reassure me several times to keep me from spiraling into guilt over my actions. To her, I’m not to blame. Just for her support, I can’t let her down. Seeing her disappointed because of me would hurt. Moreover, the decision about the electives will be made during the class council at the beginning of the year. You can’t say that the decision is in my favor at the moment. So, I need to be present in class and make a good impression if I want it to be favorable. I’m both excited and nervous about that moment arriving. There will be a change in class and schedule starting in the third week. The only thing that scares me is ending up alone. None of my friends seem to have the same options as me, especially not Alexia. It’s annoying because she’s the person I appreciate the most here.

“As long as you’re reasonable,” she shrugs. “So, any plans?”

“To be honest, no. I haven’t planned anything yet. I’m thinking about spending it with Mapi in Barcelona, but we haven’t seriously discussed it.”

“You don’t talk to her?”

“Yes, we write to each other every day… well, we just catch up briefly,” I say, lowering my head. “Between our classes, my cold, and her girlfriend… it’s limited.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Well, a little, yeah,” I admit. “I know she won’t replace me, but it bothers me to be far from her. She was my confidante before—”

“Before…?” she furrows her brows. “Isn’t that the case anymore?”

I run my hand over my face. Damn… I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. She doesn’t even realize the effect she has on me, or maybe she knows how to use it. I look away before murmuring a weak, “Before you…”

“What do you mean, ‘before me’?”

“Well… since I’ve been here, I find it easier to confide in you. I told her about it, and since then, she’s been encouraging me to do it…”

“I see. And what’s the problem?”

“Well, let’s just say she doesn’t know everything about my past. She must think that over time, I’ll be able to confide in you completely, and that’s why she encourages me. She thinks it’ll be a relief to finally tell someone.”

“And what do you think?”

“Well… she might not be wrong,” she shrugs. “But I’m afraid she’ll resent me for doing it later. I don’t want her to think she’s less important or that she’ll blame herself for not getting me to open up… I don’t really know, but all I know is that I care too much about her to risk losing her.”

I’ve already abandoned her once, and I don’t want her to think it’ll happen again. I don’t want to push her away or exclude her from my life. She’s the only one who came back and who I really care about. It would be the ultimate irony if she thought she’d failed as my best friend.

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“No, she’d think I’m crazy,” I chuckle.

“You should. Am I allowed to give my opinion?”

“Of course.”

“I think she just wants what’s best for you, which is why she’s encouraging you to open up to me. For her, it doesn’t matter who the person is as long as you feel better. I imagine she just wants to see you like you were before.”

“You think so?”

“She cares a lot about you, Ona. You’re just worried because you’re afraid of being a bad friend by abandoning her again. Am I wrong?”

I sigh and shake my head. She really can read me like an open book.

“You should talk to her.”

I sigh deeply, resting my head on my hand. I bring a fry to my mouth as I think. She’s probably right. I’m worrying over nothing. I hope that’s really the case. I thank her for her advice. Now I’ll have to wait a bit to talk to Mapi. She’s very busy with her studies and her girlfriend. She has as many assignments as I do that are coming up. I’ll talk to her during the holidays.

“So, New Year’s?” she asks me.

“I’m not sure,” I shrug. “Probably at Ana’s place, like last time… We’ll see. I’m not too thrilled about the idea, but I don’t have much of a choice.”

“Who’s that?”

“Mapi’s girlfriend. I’m not jealous, really,” I quickly add. “It’s just that I don’t really like the kind of parties she throws anymore. What about you, your New Year’s?”

“With my friends, probably.”

“Still no girlfriend?”

She chuckles, shaking her head without giving me a clear answer. Bronze never talks about herself to me because of the restrictions placed on her. I had a hard time accepting it at first, especially since I tell her a lot. It was strange to think I know her habits and manners, but not her. Now, I accept what she gives me, telling myself she’ll confide in me one day if she feels like it.

“Still none,” she finally replies. “Even if I did have one, I wouldn’t bring her with me.”

“You’re that type, huh?” I laugh.

“What type?” she furrows her brows.

“The type to hide your girlfriends from your friends.”

“I don’t hide them. It’s just that… I don’t know, actually. I guess I’m waiting for the right one before the introductions.”

“I see. What are you like in a relationship?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, are you more the dominant type, or do you let the other person have their way?”

“Neither, I suppose.”

“Oh… You give off the impression of being dominant,” I giggle.

“Maybe, but I’m not. I believe that in a relationship, both people should be equal. It doesn’t matter if it’s a gay, lesbian, or straight couple.”

“You’re probably right… but there’s always one person who stands out a bit more.”

“Well, I guess it depends on the person you’re in a relationship with.”

Those words are so philosophical. I don’t completely agree with what she says. It’s true that we can be different with each person we’re with, but I think everyone is born with a dominant nature. Bronze seems dominant to me, even if she denies it. Maybe I’m wrong. In any case, she’s dominant compared to me since she surpasses me in any field and orders me around all the time. The meal finally ends. We decide not to linger and head to pay the bill. I had to fight for it, but I eventually managed to pay the whole check. She frowned and scolded me until we reached the mall.

“Shall we stick together, or do you want to go our separate ways?” she asks, surprised.

“I don’t know the stores here, so I’d rather we stay together if you don’t mind.”

“Okay,” she smiles. “Where should we start?”

“Well, I already have ideas for certain people.”

“Then let’s start with them.”

We start with Sam and Sophia since I know what I want to get them. We continue into a toy store since Bronze still hasn’t said anything. For Joan, it’s more complicated. I thought about getting him some board games since he loves playing together, but I changed my mind when Bronze showed me a remote controlled car. I completely fell for it, imagining Joan’s face when he sees his gift. I don’t buy it but decide not to take it with me. I explained to the vendor that I’d need it in Barcelona. To make things easier, he suggested I reserve it and pick it up at a store in Barcelona, which I immediately accepted. He gave me a reservation voucher. I didn’t know that was possible, but it’s very convenient. The next shop we go to is a sports store. As you might guess, it’s not for me. It was next to where we were, so we went there. She said she knew exactly what she wanted, so it would be quick. I wandered around while she waited for a salesperson. I ended up in the football section. My dad was a big fan, and he introduced me to it. I loved watching matches with him, and sometimes, I’d watch them with Mapi afterward. We’d have movie nights in front of the TV with popcorn when a match was on. I linger over the jerseys. My wardrobe must still have some old ones from the teams my dad supported. I took a large part of his clothes when we did the big sort through his things.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” I hear Lucy say behind me. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah…” I say, dragging my hand over one of the jerseys. “Are you done?”

“Uh-huh. Did you find something you like?” she asks, looking at the section.

“No, no. I was just looking.”

“Do you like football?” she asks, surprised.

“Yeah,” I say, smiling shyly. “And you like boxing?” I ask, furrowing my brows at the boxing gloves she’s holding.

“They’re for my best friend. Her are broken.”

She was holding other items, but they must have been related to the gloves. I nodded, and then we headed to the checkout to pay for her items. We walked out into the middle of the shopping mall with an extra bag in hand.

"Do you have anything in mind?"

"I'm torn between getting a bracelet or perfume for Mapi," I shrugged. "What's the best choice for an ex? And on top of that, her girlfriend doesn't know about us."

"How come?"

"She’s afraid her girlfriend will have a jealous meltdown. She pretends I'm just her best friend so she can stay over at my place without any issues."

"That’s risky," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"I already warned her, but she doesn’t want to hear it," I shrugged again.

"Okay. Well, let's start with the perfume shop then. I noticed my parents' bottles are almost empty, so I’d like to get them that. You can think it over in the meantime."

I agreed, and we headed to the next store, which was on the second floor this time. Bronze quickly decided on her purchases, picking up their usual bottles. As for me, a saleswoman made me smell several perfumes after she saw me wandering through the aisles. I narrowed it down to three based on what Mapi likes. Bronze went to pay for her items while I was left to choose between the last three testers I held in my hand. It was a tough decision.

"Bronze?" I called out to her.

"I’ve already told you not to call me that," she reprimanded me.

I’d forgotten that she now allows me to use her first name when we’re outside of work. It feels strange now that I’ve gotten used to calling her by her last name. She put her wallet back in her bag before coming over to my side.

"What’s up?"

"Which one do you prefer?" I asked, holding out the testers one by one.

"I’m not sure. What does she usually like?"

"She loves fruity scents, but nothing too strong. We have pretty similar tastes, but this is hard."

"I personally prefer the last one."

"I’m torn between that one and the first."

"Maybe you want to check out the jewelry store first?"

"No, I think I’ll stick with the perfume. I’ve already given her plenty of jewelry," I chuckled.

"Well, then you just have to choose between these two."

She took away the strip of paper with the scent I liked the least. I sighed as I looked at the remaining two. Bronze went off to browse while I made my decision. I sniffed them alternately for at least a quarter of an hour. Thankfully, she’s patient. I’m not sure I’d have been so tolerant in her place. I jumped slightly when I felt a weight on my back, relaxing when I realized it was Bronze who had come back. She crossed her arms over my shoulders and rested her head on them. Her position was a bit awkward. She asked me to let her smell the two perfumes again, which I did.

"I still prefer the one I mentioned earlier."

"I think I’ll go with that one then."

"Why hesitate? Plus, there’s a set that includes shower gel and lotion," she pointed with her chin.

"Alright, fine. I was leaning more towards that one anyway. It suits her better. Worst case, if she complains, I’ll just say you recommended it."

"Of course, it's too easy to blame others," she laughed.

She moved away from me, so I took the opportunity to grab the set she had pointed out. We went to the checkout, where someone was already paying for their purchases. The wait would be short.

"Besides, you shouldn’t complain about a gift you receive," she added.

"She’s never complained, but I can tell when she doesn’t like something."

"Why wouldn’t she like it?"

"I have no idea," I shrugged.

I paid for the perfume and accepted the saleswoman's offer to wrap it as a gift. I’m terrible at wrapping, so at least that was one thing taken care of.

"You really want to do things right with her," she chuckled.

"I owe her that much after all the time she’s put up with me."

"You’re very easy to put up with."

"Glad to hear that from you, Lucy."

I accidentally emphasized her first name. I still find it hard to use it. Bronze must have understood because she laughed. The saleswoman finally returned with my gift, ready to give. I thanked her for her service. Our shopping continued at the jewelry store where Lucy wanted to take another look. She was interested in bracelets while I browsed on my own. I lingered over the rings. One caught my eye. It looked a lot like the one my supervisor wears on her finger. She joined me when she noticed I had stopped.

"See something you like?"

"No."

"Well, yes. I can tell you’re stuck here," she commented.

She looked at the display case, trying to figure out which one might have caught my interest. I gave in and pointed it out to her. She must have noticed it looked like hers... A flicker of surprise crossed her face, but she quickly hid it without saying anything.

"I’m going to call a saleswoman. I spotted a bracelet I’m interested in."

I sighed softly and nodded. At least she didn’t make it awkward. It was half past four by the time we were done, and she suggested we stop at the cafeteria.

"You didn’t get anything for your parents," she remarked once we were seated at a table.

"My relationship with my mother isn’t the best..." I reminded her, playing with my cup.

"It bothers you, doesn’t it?"

"A little, but I’ve gotten used to it," I shrugged. "I don’t really want to talk about it."

"I understand."

She changed the subject without prying further. I appreciate Bronze for that. She never insists. We sipped our drinks, enjoying this rare moment. When we were done, I expected us to head home, but she suggested we take another walk, just for ourselves. I immediately agreed, especially since I wanted to look for a new jacket, so this was the perfect opportunity. This day was really nice. At least it helped me think about something other than my upcoming exams. I just hope I’ll be able to live up to everyone’s expectations. It’s a lot of pressure, but for now, I prefer to enjoy the present moment with my supervisor by my side.

[honeybeefae]

For the First Time In Forever…

I feel like writing again! I’ve missed you all so much and am so thankful for all of your love and support and kind words and just your existence! You are all amazing!

To celebrate, and because I’m wanting to ease myself back into writing as I am afraid I’m severely out of practice, I’m posting some prompts below that I would love for you all to look over and choose! Any character you want, any scenario, and you can combine!

I don’t know if I will get to all of them and as a forewarning, most of them will probably somewhat short, but I will do my best! I also want to extend this offer to the Baldurs Gate 3 fandom as that game has been my saving grace for awhile! But ACOTAR is very much accepted as well!

I love you guys and can’t wait to write again for you! ❤️

Prompts

Angst:

1.) “Don’t lie to me. I know everything”

2.) “I don’t love you.”

3.) “Please don’t do this.”

4.) “I can’t believe I fell in love with you.”

5.) “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

6.) “Us? There never was such a thing.”

7.) “You think I would fall in love with someone like you?”

8.) “You don’t deserve me.”

9.) “You….you cheated on me?”

10.) “Don’t leave me, please, I still need you.”

11.) “What do you want me to say?”

12.) “You promised!”

13.) “Stop pretending this wasn’t your plan all along, to break me down until I’m nothing.”

14.) “You can’t do this.”

15.) “I hate you.”

Fluff:

1.) “Can I hug you?”

2.) “You’re everything to me.”

3.) “Surely you know how much I care about you?”

4.) “Come for a cuddle?”

5.) “You’re so oblivious, aren’t you?”

6.) “Stay with me tonight. Please.”

7.) “I love you.”

8.) “Can I keep you?.”

9.) “Come on, I wouldn’t forget your birthday!”

10.) “I’ve never seen someone so beautiful.”

11.) “I never thought I’d see you again…”

12.) “Come dance in the rain with me!”

13.) “May I have this dance?”

14.) “Will you marry me?”

15.) “I want to show you something.”

Tropes:

1.) Enemies to Lovers

2.) Friends to Lovers

3.) Strangers to Lovers

4.) Soulmates

5.) AU

6.) Amnesia

7.) Marriage of Convenience

8.) Lovers to Enemies

9.) Forbidden Love

10.) Fake Dating

11.) Second Chances

12.) Damsel in Distress

13.) Stuck Together

14.) Opposites Attract

15.) Love Triangle

Smut:

1.) “I want to fuck you so badly.”

2.) “You can take it, pretty girl, can’t you?”

3.) “Mine.”

4.) “On your knees.”

5.) “Submission looks good on you.”

6.) “You look so pretty with my cum painted on your face.”

7.) “Please let me cum inside you, please, I need to breed you.”

8.) “Beg.”

9.) “Someone’s been bad.”

10.) “Don’t you want an audience?”

11.) “Use your words.”

12.) “Such a fucking brat, you should know your place by now but it seems I’ll have to remind you.”

13.) “Do you know how much I’ve been wanting to do this to you?”

14.) “No more, I can’t take anymore.”

15.) “Swallow.”

Scenarios:

1.) One person is injured

2.) One person is sick

3.) One bed trope

4.) Pregnancy

5.) First Date

6.) Wedding/Reception

7.) First night together

8.) Truth or Dare

9.) Forced proximity

10.) One person discovers their secret

11.) Meet cute

12.) Accidentally hurting the other

13.) Hurt/Comfort

14.) Confessions

15.) Breakup

[lunajay33]

New World🍂Part.11

Summary: You grew up in a crappy town with one friend who kept you going, everything started to fall into place, that’s until the world ended and the dead ruled the world, now you and your best friend Daryl Dixon had to stay alive but will you finally confess?

Warnings: This chapter contains light sh if you’re not comfortable don’t interact

Part.10

•Masterlist•

It’s been a few days since Daryl had left me to stay out god knows where with Merle, his brother who was an ass and always treated him like crap, he left and I had no more will to live, he was my anchor, I haven’t left the watch tower since I got up here I couldn’t find the effort to go down for anything

The door to the guard tower opened seeing it was Carl with Judith, coming and sitting next to me on the little makeshift bed

“Hey…..we miss you down there” he said smiling, he was such a sweet kid and ever since the incident with Lori he’s kind of clung to me but I didn’t hate it

“I’m fine here”

“Well I brought you some water and some cans of food” he said taking his back pack off and handing it over

“Thank you sweetie, sorry I’m not of any help right now, it’s hard to explain this feeling” I said as he placed little Judith in my arms

“It’s okay, I may not get it but I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, and I know how much you loved Daryl”

“I just miss him so much, I need him back” I said feeling my chest tighten trying to keep the tears at bay as I let Judith play around with my fingers

“If you’re soulmates you’ll meet again and from what I’ve seen you are just let him see what he’s missing and he’ll come running back for you” he smiled patting my shoulder

After some play time with Judith and a little chat with Carl he left having to change her and feed her, maybe Carl was right maybe I should go down for a bit it might clear my head, I left the guard tower making sure to cover all my cuts and saw Carol and the prisoner talking

“Hey y/n it’s good to see you” she said with that bright smile of hers

I just smiled and nodded still not feeling like my old self, the me that felt whole with Daryl, before the apocalypse I never was reliant on him like I am now but he’s still the man I love the man I’ve always loved, I can’t just bounce back to normal without the person I’ve had in my life since I was a kid

I wandered around the courtyard, picking up some stray garbage helping to clean up the place when there was a gun shot, I looked around frantic seeing Axel dead on the ground Carol hiding behind his body as more guns went off

I ran to go back to the watch tower hoping to get some cover but the distance was further than I thought and I didn’t know where the shots were coming from so I didn’t know if I was covered and that was quickly proven when that familiar feeling of stinging warmth flooded my body

I fell to the ground right as I got to the watch tower dragging myself inside somehow, slumping down on the stairs looking at the blood gushing down my chest and right arm, a bullet gone right into my shoulder, the blood oozing out quickly making me lightheaded fast from my low iron

I ripped off a piece of my shirt struggling to wrap it around my shoulder and tying it off tight to help the bleeding, I laid back against the stairs feeling weak, the sound of blood pumping in my head by body exhausted

The gun fire had ceased and I heard the others outside scared trying to figuring out everything that happened

I tried to kick the door open but it was no use, my vision was starting to blur and become spotty

Daryl’s POV

“Where’s y/n?” I asked looking around not seeing her Carol or T.dog

“Last I saw she was trying to run back to the watch tower she’s been staying in” Carl said pointing over to the tower me and her always stayed in on our turns

“Damn” I grunted running across the court, Carl and Maggie right behind me as I yanked the door open, the sight making my heart stop

Normal POV

Voices around me, faces blurred but the closer it got the more I knew it was Daryl as I was gently picked up

“D….Daryl” I spluttered out

“I’m here sunshine”

Then everything went black

Daryl’s POV

I ran with her in my arms to the cell block laying her down next to Hershel as he yelled for the others to get his supplies

“Will she be okay?” I asked focusing on all the blood covering her, I should have never left why the hell did I leave

“We gotta stop the bleeding, with her being anemic she’s gonna have a harder time lasting with all this blood lose but I’ll do all I can” he said as he pressed down hard, after it stopped he pulled out the bullet stitched her up and sterilized it then bandaging her wound

“She’s bleeding on her leg too” he said noticed blood that had seeped through her jeans, I was hesitant but her health was more important so I pulled her jeans down enough for us to see what was causing the bleeding here and it finally broke me because this was my fault and I knew it, Hershel looked at me with worried eyes then went to clean them

I moved her to our bed on the perch and waited for her to wake up, hoping she woke up, I can’t believe this happened to her again in the span of a year, shot twice my sunshine the girl who’s stuck by me always making sure I was okay and now I’m the reason she hurt herself, the reason I wasn’t here to protect her

I gently peeled her out of her blood soaked clothes and put her in a spare shirt of mine and some looser jean shorts that covered her cuts, I found a clean rag and a bucket of water and cleaned off her face and any dirt that had accumulated on her body

I hope she come back to me soon

Normal POV

My head was pounding and everything was so bright and hazy

“Fuck” I groaned trying to cover my eyes but shoot pain through my shoulder

“Hey yer awake” I heard from beside me, I tried to focus and his face came into view, it was Daryl

“Am I dead? Or did you come back” I asked running my hand on his scruffy face

“ ‘m back I shoulda never left” he said filled with guilt

“Why would you go Daryl, I’ve always been there………you promised”

Part.12

Will y/n forgive Daryl or will she be scared he’ll hurt her again

Taglist: @deansapplepie @ghostboneswrites2 @willowshadenox @thebadbatch2022 @writer-ann-artist @i-wear-wet-socks313

[issdisgrace]

IT'S KINDA A LONG STORY

WARNINGS: None

A/N: This takes place in 2017, character is 28.

“You know you’ve been with us for 6 months and I don’t think you proper told us about how you started hunting.” Sam says, closing his computer. 

“Well, my grandpa was a hunter, so my father became a hunter. Then I decided to continue the family tradition and become a hunter.”

“Cool. How was your childhood? Mine and Sammy’s were fucked, to say the least? Went long periods in hotels. I had to steal food and a bunch of other shit.” Dean says.

“It was a mixed bag. It’s kinda a long story.” I say, sitting up on the bed. 

“We have time.” Sam says.

“Alright, strap in, I guess. As you guys know, I was born in ‘89. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 16 and.

"Had me a month after she turned 17 on my dad’s 17th birthday. My mom came from a very religious family, like super religious, and her getting pregnant with me got her kicked out. My grandma and grandpa let my mom move in. From what I heard, those months were good. My dad was working while trying to finish school while my mom dropped out of school. Mom helped grandma and grandpa with the stuff around the house. When my mom was 8 months and on some odd days with me, she went into labor. She was rushed to the hospital in the town over and had me around 11:45 pm. There were a couple of problems with me since I was premature, but the doctor got everything under control and after a week, I was able to go home. 

Anyway, when I was 2, my mom and dad got married. My first memory was Christmas ‘94. I remember opening a fairy princess set. It was nice at the time, but looking back now, it was very cheaply made. But fast forward to my 8th birthday, 97. I remember we had dinner and my father unwrapped his presents first, being older than I got to open mine. I had got nothing but dresses. I remember I broke out crying then when my mom and dad tried to comfort me I yelled that I didn’t want to be a girl, then ran upstairs and hid in my room. A couple of minutes later, my dad came up and entered my room. He just sat on the bed and talked to me while I was hide telling me that there wasn’t nothing wrong with wanting to be a boy and if I wanted to I could. I crawled out from underneath my bed and sat with him. He held me as I cried and we talked. It started with, is this how you really feel? How long have you been feeling this way? Would it make me happier to be a boy? I told him, It was about 6 when I realized didn’t want to be a girl, that I hated the long hair and dresses, and didn’t like my given name. We talked until it was time for me to go to bed. My dad tucked me in and stayed with me until I feel asleep. I must have been asleep no longer than a half an hour when I was woken up by yelling from downstairs. I could hear my mom yelling at my dad, saying I can’t just be a boy and that it’s just a phase. I remember hearing my dad tell her, so what if it is I have to figure out who I am and who I want to be? I just layed their crying while listening to the yelling and ended up crying myself asleep. 

The next day, things were tense, to say the least that I can remember. My grandma and grandpa talked to me after the very tense breakfast and asked if I wanted to go by something else. At that time, I didn’t know. They suggest names, even pulled out baby name books, and we looked through them. But I didn’t find a name that I liked so they were suggesting different names off the top of their head and I decide on Y/n after my mom’s brother, my uncle who is most definitely the funnest coolest person I have ever known. I remember the first time he came to visit after I came out and by then I had gotten my hair cut and a new wardrobe. I had told him that I was a boy and that my new name was Y/n. He was super chill about the absolute opposite of my mother, despite coming from the same background. And their one out he called me his mini me.

So fast forward to 99 I’m 10. My mom decide to get me nail polish and make up for my birthday. I was first upset, but that black nail polish called me and I painted them. They looked pretty good, and it made me feel masculine. After I was done with my nails and they were tried and I went downstairs to show my grandma and grandpa. They were in the living room and so was my mom. I show them and my mother butted in by asking if I was finally done with this phase and finally being a girl. I was so upset. I just ran out of the house. I ran into the woods and climbed a top of tree. I was close enough to the house that I could hear my grandparents and mother getting into a screaming match. They yelled at her for 30 minutes, then they came out to find me, but I stayed silent while I cried and they didn’t find me. They looked for another half an hour for me before my father came home from his hunt he left on a couple day prior. They rushed to meet him in the driveway and they told my father what had happened. 

And then there comes my mom came out of the house to yell about the whole thing again, saying that she wasn’t going to feed into the delusion and that I needed to start acting like a girl. Shit escalated and my dad yelled that he wanted a divorce and to get the fuck out of the house by morning. Then when things died down, my dad came and found me and I climbed down from the tree and he tried to comfort me. But i just kept crying and eventually I tired myself out and fell asleep. He carried me in and I woke up in my bed the next morning hearing loud crying coming from my mom. She tried to guilt trip and have my dad take her back. But it failed and eventually my uncle arrived and got my mom and her stuff and then she wasn’t in my life. Which in all this my uncle stood beside us, but he did help my mom because of the whole family thing. Anyway, my mom wasn’t completely out of my life. She would leave letters in the mailbox condemning me every couple of weeks.

So then fast forward to when I was 14. I was home alone. When I heard a car pull up. I went downstairs and opened the door and here comes my mom and her boyfriend. I knew something was wrong and quickly closed and locked the door. They started banging on the door and my mom was yelling how she could fix and that I didn’t have to pretend anymore. I called the police and hid in my closet. Listening to the banging. After a couple minutes, I hear two cruisers pull, then a commotion. Then eventually the commotion was over and I heard my name called out by the cop saying it was safe. I realized it was my friends Chris’ dad, John.

I got out of hiding and went downstair and the front door was totaled. It was on the verge of breaking. So I go outside they got my mom and her boyfriend in separate cruiser. John and the other officer, Charlie, made sure I was ok. They got another cop to come out and take my mom from John’s cruiser so John could stay with me. He did, and eventually my dad and grandparents showed up. We pressed charges, they both ended up getting 4 years. And that is the last thing I know about the whereabout of my mom. After that whole situation, my dad and grandpa taught me self defiance, which turned into teaching me how to hunt. 

Then when I was about 18, my grandparents go into a pile up caused by a drunk driver and died. It was really tough around then and I threw myself into my shitty waiter job at the local diner. Made decent money and got good tips. With the saved money, I got myself a car with my dad’s help and started traveling, doing hunts. Stayed in contact with dad through this time and still do. He ended up getting close to John after his wife divorced him and they fell for each other. They got married last year, which I attended their wedding, then I took a break from hunting. Then a couple of months ago I started back up my. band, that’s when I met you guys and here we are.”

“Damn sorry about the whole transphobic mom and grandparents thing.” Sam says.

“Eh, I got over it.”

“Pretty hard stuff to get over,” Dean adds in.

“Yeah, I went to a lot of therapy to get myself to this point.”

“Glad it went well for you. Therapists can be tricky. Some help and some don’t.” Sam said.

“I got paired with a pretty good one. Anyway, don’t mean to switch topics, but how does food sound to you guys because all that talking got me hungry?”

“Yes, I love the way you think.” Dean says.

“There’s a diner just down the road we can go there.” Sam says.

“Sounds good to me.”

[e1izaaxkles]

“Siren..”

Sirenbur x oc

Prologue

Waking up and stretching my arms way above my head, I throw the covers off my body over in the left direction. I get off my bed, stand up, and walk into my bathroom, rubbing my eyes as I look at myself in the mirror. “Can’t believe I’m still living in this shitty apartment..” I mutter to myself. I brush my teeth and comb out my midnight blue hair before walking back into my bedroom and over to my closet, getting out my work uniform and changing into it quickly. My work attire consisted of a short, tan pencil skirt and a white button-up which I normally pair with black heels and a long coat since Brighton is always cold. I grab my phone and purse, shove my phone into my purse, and walk out the door, making my way to the elevator. My neighbor, Wilbur, steps out of his apartment looking extremely tired. He’s wearing a black button-up with navy dress trousers that are paired with a coat and Doc Martens. ‘He looks nice today.’ I think to myself. “Hey, Wilbur,” I say as he stands beside me. “Oh, hello, Eliza. How have you been this week?” He asks as we both wait for the elevator which takes such a long time since we live on the top floor. “I’ve been good, how’ve you been?” I continue the conversation, trying to be polite. Wilbur has always seemed like such a strange character. He doesn’t talk to people unless he’s seen their faces many times and never under any circumstances lets anyone into his apartment. He freaks out when you ask! “I’ve uh- I’ve been okay.” He responds. Once the elevator finally gets to our floor and saves me from this awkward situation we both go on and Wilbur presses ‘L’. “So, uh- Eliza. You’ve never really told me where you work.” “Oh! I work at the police station, I’m a detective. Right now we’re trying to figure out what the hell Siren is planning.” I say a sigh of annoyance leaves my lips at the end of my sentence. “Y’know, maybe he’s just- taking a break?” “Well, I’m also kinda obsessed with Siren… I am just dying to know what he looks like under the mask!” I say as I imagine what he looks like under that damn mask. I get snapped out of my thoughts when I hear Wilbur’s soft giggles, I turn to look at him to be met with the softest, cutest face I have ever seen. Before I can say anything else I hear the ding which means we’ve made it to the lobby floor. Me and Wilbur walk out of the elevator and walk opposite ways since he parks in the parking garage and I walk to work. “Cya later, Will!” I shout as I walk backward, seeing him hold up the peace sign as he walks out into the parking garage. I walk out of my apartment complex and walk to work which is only a few minutes away. Once I arrive I prepare myself for the dickheads that are my colleagues before walking into the building. I walk in and go straight to my office, ignoring all the stairs that everyone is giving me. “Oh! Eliza, you finally decide to show up. You’re gonna have to work later tonight.” My boss, Sebastian says. “What! Why?!” I snap. I hate having to work late! “Because we need you to try and get more evidence.” “Evidence from where?! And for what? We only have one concern right now and that’s to find out what Siren is planning!” I yell. Sebastian only has one care in the world and that’s money. As long as he has money he’s fine. And that’s probably why I’m still living in my shitty-ass apartment. “Whatever. I still want you to work late. Hang out with Greg or something. I don’t care.” He says as he walks out of my office. I groan and close the door. He loves torturing me! Guess I better make the most of this.

11 p.m. rolls around way too fast. I only have to stay in this stupid office for what, two more hours? Sebastian told me before he left that I just had to stay until 1 a.m. Then I can leave. I pick up the tennis ball on my desk and throw it up, catching it in my left hand and doing the same, throwing it with one hand and catching it with the other. I do that for about 30 minutes before I get bored. I pull out my phone and turn on a movie. This should last until 1. And I was right. 1 a.m. rolls around at the end of the movie and I get up, putting my phone back in my purse and walking out of the building. As I’m about to walk past an alleyway I get pulled into it, a large hand slapping over my mouth. The person pins me to the brick wall, their hand still on my mouth. I look at the person in shock. ‘I-is that…’ “Siren..?” I whisper into his hand. The blue fabric that covers his eyes looks so perfect with his curly brown hair. I came to notice that he hasn’t shaved since there’s stubble on his chin and under his nose. He takes his hand away from my mouth, a smirk forming on his face. “Hello, little one.” He mutters. “W-what… What are you and the syndicate planning?” Is the first thing I say to him, it’s the only thing that comes to mind. “Oh, you’ll have to work for that answer, sweetheart.” He says. “W-what do you mean?” “I mean… work for me, sexually…” He whispers into my ear, his hot breath on my neck. A shiver runs down my spine. Why does he have to be so hot? I gulp, nodding hesitantly. “I mean, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I’m not gonna force you to do anything.” “N-no! I want to!” I shout out at him, immediately clamping a hand over my mouth out of pure embarrassment. “Good girl.” He whispers in my ear one last time before nipping at my neck.

[theladyofdeath]

Better or Worse {11...Simplified?}

For everyone who can't see the original post! Here is chapter 11 of Better or Worse...

…………..

Cassian

…………..

I hate late flights but it was all Nesta and I could book last minute. I’m already tired, due to lack of sleep, now that I’m back on the couch. After getting cockblocked by Eris last week, and seeing that intimacy isn’t as important to my wife as it apparently is to me, I decided that sleeping on the couch would be best.

She hasn’t seemed to mind.

Not once has she asked me to come back to bed. Although, she has stayed true to her word and has been working nonstop since we decided we’d be going on vacation. I haven’t been ignoring her completely. When we’re in the same room, we’ve indulged in that same small talk that we indulged in weeks ago. Then, things started to change and get better.

Now I don’t know what to think. I’m not sure where we are now.

I debated on calling our little getaway off, but being on the beach right now sounds good, therapeutic, so here we are. Even though there’s a wall back between us, we’re taking Gwyn’s advice and going to paradise for a few days. 

Once we make it past security and to our gate, Nesta’s already pulling out her laptop. I mumble that I’m going to find coffee and leave her there to work. I feel a little better, a little less grumpy, once I get caffeine in me. I even feel nice enough to bring Nesta a latte. 

The flight is three hours long, and I sleep for most of it. Surprisingly, the plane seat is just as comfortable as the couch.

Maybe we should get a new couch. 

I only wake up when we land, as the plane jolts once it makes contact with the tarmac. Nesta’s laptop is put away, although I think it’s because they ask you to when landing, not because she chose to. Either way, she gives me a little smile and nods out the window. “We made it.”

It’s hard to see anything because it’s already dark, but I know the airport is close to the ocean. I can see city lights through the window, but I’m too tired to try and brace myself for the nightlife of Adriata tonight. 

I yawn as we pull up to our gate and the seatbelt signs are turned off. “I think our hotel is pretty close to here.” 

It wasn’t what she was expecting me to respond with. Her smile falters, but she nods. “That’s good.” 

I’m not in the mood for the small talk right now. I don’t have patience for it. Swiping my phone out of my pocket, I see that it’s nearly midnight. I turn it off of airplane mode and a barrage of texts and emails come through. I ignore the texts from my employees until tomorrow and skim over my email, deciding the contents of it can wait until the sun rises, too.

I open the group chat between my brothers and I, sending off a short text letting them know we’d landed. Azriel replies almost immediately, telling us to have fun, while Rhys is all radio silence. Seeing as it’s almost two in the morning in Velaris, I’m not surprised.

It’s taking forever for the people ahead of us to disembark, so I open my text thread with just Az, not wanting to wake up a likely sleeping Rhys or worse — Feyre.

You’re up late, I text. Everything okay?

Again, his reply is almost instantaneous. It’s all good. Elain woke up from a dream craving butter crunch ice cream. I’m at my third grocery store looking for it.

Chuckling, I respond, You know she’ll be fast asleep by the time you get home.

Yeah, but her smile in the morning will make it worth it.

I hate the jealousy that shoots through me reading my brother’s words.

Gwyn is still the only person we’ve told about Nesta’s miscarriages. They have no idea how badly I want what they both have.

Still, I reply, Take care of your woman. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

I hit send as soon as we finally get moving, then we’re making our way to baggage claim. Half an hour later, with my bag tossed over my shoulder and wheeling Nesta’s suitcase behind me, we’re finding a cab to take us down to the beach, where our hotel is.

Nesta booked the flight, but I chose the hotel. With a weight room bigger than the one at my gym and walking distance to the shore, I didn’t even have to think twice about spending the ridiculous amount of money to book us a suite. 

Nesta doesn’t seem to mind either as we make our way into the lobby and she looks around, impressed. The thought occurs to me then that maybe I should’ve picked a shitty hotel. If she likes it too much, it will be that much more tempting to stay in our room and work as she overlooks the endless blue waters beyond our balcony.

Nonetheless, I check in and we make our way up to the ninth floor where our suite lies at the end of the hall. 

The room is big, clean, with a giant bathroom that has a jacuzzi and a little living room with a mini kitchen.

 The only issue is that the couch in the living room is nothing more than a loveseat, which means that it will be me and Nesta in the same bed, yet again.

At least it’s a king size. 

Apparently I’m staring disappointedly at the bed because Nesta asks, “Something wrong?”

Surely she knows. One look at her and I can tell she does. “Nope.”

I toss our bags on the loveseat and open mine up, finding my toothbrush and all my other toiletries before making my way to the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

I take longer in the bathroom than I usually would, but I also admit that I’m being a bit of a coward. I’m hoping that when I come out, Nesta will be in bed, already asleep, and I can curl up on the uncomfortable loveseat for what I can only imagine will be one of the worst night’s sleep of my life. I want to skip the fight that I feel is inevitable. I’m too tired to fight, too tired to explain to her why I can’t sleep in the bed with her.

But what I want doesn’t matter, because when I exit the bathroom, Nesta isn’t in bed. She isn’t even in the room.

The sliding door leading the balcony is open, sheer, white curtains fluttering in the warm breeze and I know that’s where I’ll find her.

She doesn’t notice me immediately, her eyes closed as she takes in the ocean air. Her hair hangs long and loose down her back, freed from the braid she usually wears it in, and she’s changed out of her leggings and t-shirt. I don’t recognize the pale, lace night gown she’s wearing.

But she looks absolutely ethereal standing in the moonlight.

I’m breathless.

Even when I’m pissed, frustrated with this woman, she has the power to take my breath away.

Which is why I’m still here, why I didn’t leave for good. I need that reminder as I step onto the balcony. 

Her eyes open as I lean against the railing next to her but she doesn’t look at me. For a moment, neither of us say a word, but then she says, “You can’t sleep on that couch.”

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore relax me. “I know.”

“Does that mean you’re okay sleeping with me tonight?” she asks, and her voice is quiet which is strange for Nesta. It’s strange to hear fear lacing her tone, even if it’s subtle. 

“I did debate on creating a pillow blockade between us,” I say, and I say it as a joke even though it’s something I considered while getting ready for bed. 

Nesta huffs a laugh but there’s hardly any humor in it. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Cassian—”

“It’s late,” I say, and finally look at her. She’s still looking at the water, but her body is relaxed as if she’s come to terms with the conversation we’re about to have. “We can do this tomorrow—”

“No, we can’t.” She turns toward me then and looks up. Her eyes are pleading. “I don’t want this vacation to start off on the wrong foot. This is supposed to be good for us and it can’t be good for us if we’re not communicating. You’re pissed.” I open my mouth, but she shakes her head before I can say anything. “And don’t say you’re not. I’m not stupid, Cassian. I messed up, and I’ve been pretending like I didn’t do anything wrong but I did. I know I did, and I feel foolish. The other night… I’ve been wanting you to touch me like that for so long. It wasn’t that I wanted you to stop, because I didn’t, but when I saw Eris was calling me, my stubborn, workaholic nature took over and I had to answer. If I hadn’t answered, it would have been all I was thinking about, instead of what we were doing. And that’s not an excuse, because I know I hurt you when I answered the damn phone, and you’re right. I shouldn’t have.”

You’re right. Those are not words that leave my wife’s mouth often. 

“But I meant what I said, what I promised you. This weekend is about us. I’m going to wake up every morning, respond to emails, mark a couple of little things off my checklist, and that’s it. And if you feel like I’m taking too long, then tell me. But I got a lot done in the last week, just so I can spend this time with you, uninterrupted. I want you to know that I’m all in, with you. You’re more important than my job, and if you’re feeling like you’re not, I need you to be vocal about it so I can be more aware.”

Last time I was vocal about it, she answered the phone anyways, but I don’t tell her that now. She’s trying. She’s communicating. She’s being honest. So, I nod. “It’s late,” I repeat, although more gentle than before. “Let’s get to bed so we can have a good day tomorrow.”

The fear in her eyes fades and she looks relieved as she takes my hand. I let her pull me inside, toward the bed, where we lay down together beneath the blankets. 

Nothing more is said as we drift off to sleep, but she lays her head against my chest and I hold on to her through the night.

…………..

Nesta

…………..

I haven’t had such a good night’s sleep since the last time I had Cass in bed with me, and the only reason I wake up now is because the newly awoken sun is streaming through the thin curtains and my husband’s cock is burying itself painfully into my backside. 

All night, he never let me go. My back is pressed up against his front, his arm slung lazily across my waist as he breathes steadily into the silence. I can feel his chest rise and fall against my back. It calms me.

I know that he’s sleeping better now than he has in days, too, and I don’t want to wake him so I stay perfectly still, even though I’m tempted, even if all I can think about is the feel of him up against me. 

All I’ve been able to think of since that night is how I could be so stupid. We’ve been making so much progress. We’ve both opened up and talked about things we didn’t want to. I’ve acknowledged that I work too much and that it’s not only one of my character flaws but the main reason I nearly lost my husband.

And the first opportunity I have to prove that he means more to me than any job ever will? I fuck it up.

For a moment, I let myself consider how that night could have ended if I didn’t answer the phone.

Likely with me bent over the kitchen counter, one of my knees propped up on one of the bar stools, as Cassian gripped my hips, pounding into me—

Cassian’s arm tightened around my waist as he shifted in his sleep and I tensed, not sure if he was awake. He murmured something, a sure sign that he was still dreaming, and settled into his pillows, not loosening his grip on me.

His thick erection, nestled into the cleft of my ass, was all I could think about. It made the throbbing between my legs all the more insistent and for a second I thought about touching myself.

What a hell of a way to wake my husband up on the first morning of our vacation.

But then I had a better idea.

I listened closely to the sound of his breathing, ensuring he was still well and truly asleep and then carefully turned over in his arms. It was a slow process, considering the hold he had on me, but after a minute, I found myself gazing into his sleeping face.

Even fast asleep, he’s ridiculously handsome, although that cocky tilt of his lips is gone when he’s out like this. I lay there for a minute, admiring his beauty, and then he stirs and I freeze. The hand that’s slung around me moves lower, his hand cupping my ass with a content sigh before he starts snoring, softly.

I force myself not to laugh, even if it’s adorable, until he shifts again and I can feel every inch of him perfectly against the thin fabric of my nightgown. Mother damn me, I want him inside of me. It takes everything within me not to grind against him, not to take control and give myself pleasure, but this wouldn’t be about me.

It would be about him. 

I reach up and brush his hair back with teasingly soft fingertips. His lips, in perfect calm, form the softest of smiles.

With my hands still tucked in close to me, I press my lips to the center of his chest. It's a soft kiss, my mouth meeting his warm, toned skin, but I let it linger. I let my tongue brush over his skin, and then I move my lips to a new spot and do the same. As I pepper his chest with lingering kisses, I run a hand up his abdomen. His body jumps a little beneath my touch, almost like it tickles, and his hand on my ass tightens. My leg is drawn up over him, and now that I can feel his erection against my throbbing clit, I can’t stop myself from rocking my hips against him, just to ease the torturous feeling, if only a little. Cassian groans quietly, and I know that he’s now awake, even though his eyes are still closed, when his hips rock back into me.

I used to wake him up like this all the time, and he would do the same to me. Waking one another with little, teasing kisses until it escalated into something far more. I miss waking up like this, with him, starting off my day in pure bliss, with a euphoric high. 

He breathes my name, and the second it falls from his tongue, I can’t control myself any longer. My mouth trails up the side of his neck until it finds that spot he loves, just beneath his jaw, just below his ear and sucks vigorously as my hand slides back down his hard abdomen. My fingers tease the waistband of his sweatpants, but he’s not having it. 

“Nesta,” he pleads, yet again, and I nip at his skin, causing him to moan quietly above his deep, heavy breaths. His hips can’t stay still, as if his cock has a mind of its own. But he shouldn’t have to chase it, shouldn’t have to be the one to guide pleasure. My hand slips into his sweats and I take him into my hand.

The second my fingers wrap around his length, he curses. 

I lean back, and his eyes are open, his lips parted. The look full of lust and love and need that he gives me makes me want to mount him right here and now, but this morning is about him. Instead, I pump him a few times, slowly, before pulling my hand out of his pants and just when he’s about to protest, I straddle his thighs and yank his sweats down until he’s free.

Everything about my husband is magnificent. His face, his hair, his body. And most definitely is cock.

Beautiful, and hard, and absolutely enormous. My mouth is watering as I look at him, at his body I’ve scarcely seen over the past year, at his cock, staring and already dripping precum and practically begging for me to touch it.

Gripping him at the base, I lean in, ready to swirl my tongue around the swollen head, just how I know drives him wild, and—

His hands grab my shoulders, stopping me. “Nesta, you don’t have to—”

“No, I don’t have to,” I agree, rubbing the head of his cock over my lips. “But I want to.”

He makes a choking sound, but doesn’t try to stop me any further.

After almost ten years together, I know his body as well as my own. I know what makes him go crazy and what will unleash him. I know every spot that tickles, what to do that will make him moan and groan and lose control. This morning, I’m pretending I don’t. I take my time exploring him, slowly dragging fingers up and down his length, over the ridge of the swollen head, teasing a vein that runs along the side.

Gazing up at him, I grip him tightly at the base and flick my tongue over the head once. As soon as my tongue glides over his skin, his hand is in my hair and he curses violently.

Our eyes are locked as I do it again, and his jaw ticks as he swallows harshly. The fingers in my hair tighten which makes me moan, a sound that drives my husband wild. I slowly work him, my mouth and hand working in tandem. It isn’t until his head is back on the pillow, his eyes closed, his breathing quick that I take the entirety of him into my mouth. 

That foul language of his greets me once more, and his filthy mouth does things to me that I have no control of. I keep still for a moment, my tongue running wild before I release him and repeat the motion, again and again, taking him into my mouth, a little quicker each time. His fingers are still tangled into my hair, gripping each strand hard enough to bring on a pleasant tinge of pain. I relish in it, in that pain, in this moment. I don’t even realize I’m touching myself until I’m moaning, the sound muffled as I take him in, as I cup his balls with my free hand and give them a squeeze. 

Unable to keep still any longer, Cassian’s hips began to writhe beneath me. With one quick buck, I have him fully in my mouth yet again, and I grab his ass to encourage him to repeat the motion.

His other hand joins the one in my hair, but this one smooths it back off my face, making sure he can see everything I’m doing. Gazing up at him, I can tell the second he notices my hand moving frantically, my own orgasm building quicker than I expected it. His eyes grow impossibly darker, fingers massaging my scalp before pulling on the strands of my hair again. “Are you close?”

I nod, loving the gravely tone of his voice, rough with sleep and lust. My mouth is too full to answer directly, so I bob my head in time with the fingers plunging in and out of my center.

Cassian tugs my hair, once again. “Let me watch you come.”

My entire body feels like it’s on fire as my toes curl, that sensation that I haven’t felt in so long starting to flow its way through my body. My mouth, my movements, become less fluid and Cassian tugs at my hair again, this time pulling my mouth free of his cock.

Dragging me up his body, his lips crash against mine as his fingers replace mine. I gasp at the feeling of his fingers sliding through my folds, unable to stop the moan as he circles my clit.

Reaching between us, I grip his cock, still slick and wet from my mouth and squeeze as I stroke him from base to tip.

“You’re so wet,” he groans, pumping his hips into my hand, fucking it like he had my mouth moments before. I’m just as desperate for release as he is. I’m grinding into his hand as he expertly works me, thumb circling my clit in time with the finger he has plunged inside me, knowing it’ll have me on the edge in a matter of seconds. He bites down on my neck and I moan. “So wet and so needy.”

And then he lowers his head to my breasts.

The blunt edge of his teeth on my nipple sends me falling into utter bliss. I cry out as my entire body tenses, my pussy clenching around his fingers.

Cassian groans low and then I can feel a warm wetness on my lower belly and my hand. Still lost in the orgasm crashing through me, I barely notice as Cassian curses softly, his voice laced with ecstasy.

Then his mouth is on mine again and he’s kissing me like I’m the air he needs to breathe, like a man who’s been starving being presented a feast.

My mind can’t form a single thought. All I can focus on are his hands around my waist, his mouth on mine, the hunger and desperate need radiating off of him, even though we’ve both found our releases. There’s something far deeper that just happened between us than helping one another orgasm and feel good. A wall has broken down, a barrier has crumbled that has been up for far too long. I feel lighter as he kisses me, as his tongue brushes mine, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

And when I break our kiss to meet his gaze, I know, without a doubt, that he feels it, too.

[angelforstyles]

Lonely (together) Chapter Two

Harry’s POV

I wake up at 5 am, and I couldn’t go to sleep again so i go downstairs to the gym. I finished almost 7 o’clock. I feed my cat Grey (she’s black) then I ate breakfast and shower before I went to work. Usually I work from eight until five sometimes six pm. I took the elevator to my office, my assistant gave me my schedule and we got through the meetings and dinners i needed to go to this week. I can handle everything at my company, the difficult clients, the precautions, the pressure, but I still hate those fucking dinners with fake faces.

I went out of my office at 6. I have nothing to do for the rest of the night. So i pull my car to her apartment and get out of my car. Since she’s the only one who lives in the building, that means the lights belong to her apartment. I couldn’t know what room this is but there’s a shadow moving inside. I keep watching until the lights turn off.

I stayed a bit longer, then got to my place. I keep reading the files over and over again. I searched about all her family members, her parents have no relatives nor does she. I made for myself food and turned on the TV and watched a movie. It’s 11 pm so I went to bed I rarely go out especially since I gave up on dating. Everyone is so boring and only go out with me for my money. For now the only creatures I care about are Grey and Angel. I slept until 6 am and woke up and did it all over again.

I go near her work building around 3 pm act busy while I look around. She passed right away and went to the grocery store. I go right behind her and grab random things. “Hi, what a coincidence” am i fucking nervous? Shit. “Oh” she smiles softly. “Where do you live? We must live so close to each other” we actually do, it just 10 minutes walking. “Near” she mumbled and turned to face me I almost lost it. She wore long pants, the pants so tight on thighs, tempting to bite. The same white shoes and pink crop top so low, I looked at her breasts line and between them a red rose necklace. Fuck me. And an oversize unbuttoned white shirt. “Going to work?” There is no way I am serious. “Hmm” she sook her head no. She looked up at me with her wide blue eyes, they were a bit watery and so tired. She bit her lip and turned around and walked away. When we got out I called her “Lillian” she looked at me she’s an Angel. “can I have your number?”, she walked away without looking back. I wanna die.

Lillian’s POV

My heart throbs so hard while I’m walking (running) to my apartment, when I saw him I couldn’t breathe. I don’t know what’s getting into me. But I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

Two days later I have a day off so there I am, setting in the coffee shop and reading. I don’t like to go outside but i needed to. Besides this place is not crowded at all. There’s barely three people.

I was so busy reading that I didn’t notice that someone was standing next to me until he said “Is this chair taken?” Green eyes looked down at me with so perfect curls around that beautiful face, so pink lips, and so cute nose. Old band shirt, tattooed arms, a cross necklace, and fingers full of rings, will be okay if I sketch his hands and lips? STOP! .

I shook my head no. He set. I feel my heart beating so fast in my chest. “Reading huh” he smile at me and god. He’s so gorgeous. “What are you reading?” I flip my book and show him. “Never Let Me Go, about what?” I can’t breathe, I can’t talk. “Um.. ahh- a.. just start it” “ you know I watched the movie, it was amazing i am sure you will like it” then why you asking me?.

movies? I hate movies. I watched a couple back then when the girls did movie night, and I never liked it. I hate watching TV, the only thing I watch is Barney and the last time I watched it when I moved to my apartment and was too scared so I rewatched. Comforts me.

“Will see” i mumble, “what’s your favourite movie?” He moved his chair closer to the table and put his cup on the table, black coffee, like mine. “I don’t have one”, “no way everybody has favourite movie” I smiled, i couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Okay what’s your favourite book?”, yes i can answer that. “There is a lot of, but now I think The Course of Love” looked at my lap “that’s a good book! I read it twice” he said and his smile got bigger. We sit for a couple minutes in silence. “What’s you do for work?”, “write short articles..you?” “Where can i read them?” He asked, where? No where. “Um.. they never been published” I said and my heart sank. “Why?” He looked at me expressionlessly. “I'm a beginner, and there are better writers than me who just want me for my ideas and they pay me well”. He said nothing. “You?” I said after a few seconds without looking up. “Me.. I work at a security company” wow he must feel safe all the time and— “let go out sometimes” he asked me to go on date with him or w— “you know as friends do?” Oh.. of course he doesn’t want to date me who wants? “Um sure” “give me your number” I put my number on his phone with trembling hands, please god don’t let him notice. He said See you soon and go out then I took a breath I didn't know I was holding it back.

A week passed and Harry still didn't text me, I was starting to think he didn't want to hang out with me (not that I really want to hang out with a stranger I didn't know anything about or that I'm waiting for him) but he asked for my number! It had to be something right?

It was Saturday and the girls wanted to go out for drinks, I had gotten home from work and hadn't slept so l was feeling a little dizzy. I made myself a sandwich and a fruit smoothie then i drank coffee because I looked like a zombie.

I took a shower and dried my hair but kept my curls then did my make up, deep sharp black cat eyeliner with warm soft eyeshadow, concealer and a light blush, it was going to be a bit hot and my cheeks will turn red so..

I put on some lip gloss I didn't want to wear lipstick because my eyes make up was too much.

I put on a black skirt that went up to the middle of my thighs, with a dark red silk top, I put on red high heels (I'll regret the pain tomorrow) and my red bag. I was wearing my usual necklace and small pink earrings and two rings.

llooked at myself in the mirror one last time. I won't drink but I definitely need to glow a little because my energy has been so low lately.

It was only 6pm but the girls wanted to get out early. I walked to the bar, it was about 15 minutes away. When I walked in it was very warm and loud even though it wasn't very crowded.

I spotted the girls and there were the four guys too. I slowly walked over to them until Joll saw me. "Oh my god you look amazing." She hugged me tightly, a faint smell of alcohol coming from her. The rest of the girls hugged me and then I went with Ami and her boyfriend to the bar to get them more drinks.

I ordered a Sprite with lemon. I'm not a big fan of soda but it made me feel a little better since I don't drink. I sit in the edge of the booth and there was a conversation going on around the table. After about half an hour the girls were almost drunk. I got up and went to the bathroom. I needed to be in quiet place for a moment.

I walked out of the bathroom and on my way out the hallway, a man grabbed my wrist. "You look beautiful" Panic rose inside me and I pulled my hand away and tried to walk but he blocked my way. "Please step away" "There's no chance I'm leaving this beauty" | tried to walk past him but he wouldn't move away until I felt tears about to fall. Only seconds later I heard Meiie's voice "Are you okay?" Her boyfriend behind her looked at me for a second then his hand flew to grab the man's neck

"Did you know how stupid you have to be to bother a woman?"

I moved away until I was behind Meiie then she whispered in my ear "Did he hurt you?" | shook my head no. Then we went to the table again. I tried to recover but my hands were still shaking and I felt the edge of a panic attack but I tried to distract myself.

A few minutes later my phone vibrated under my hand. I lifted it to see and then stopped breathing, distraction itself came into my hands.

Unknown number: Hi.

Unknown number: it's Harry.

Harry: How are you?.

Oh. my. god. My heart is beating so hard in my chest

Me: Hi Harry, I'm fine. How are you?

Harry: Good.

Harry: Are you up for dinner? It's been a busy week, and I'm only free for today.

Harry: If you're not free, that's fine we can find another time.

Oh god what should i say?

Me: I'm out with my friends but we're going out soon.

It was about 7 and the day didn't end yet, but i wanna go home too.

Harry: So you can have dinner with me?.

With me

Me: I think so

30 seconds ..

Harry: Do you want me to pick you up?.

Me: where is the place?

Harry: Location.

Me: It's close to me, i will walk, Thanks though <3

Harry: Good.

I said goodbye to the girls and then left, nervous and adrenaline pounding my body. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt like I was going to die. The panic of the man who had cornered me had gone away but my stomach pain was growing with tension. I looked too much good for dinner with someone who was like a "friend".

I walked for ten minutes until I reached a restaurant. It was a small but fancy restaurant in the corner. I walked in without looking around and headed straight to the bathroom. I closed the door and took a few deep breaths, I looked in the mirror and I was like— I didn't even know what to say about myself.

My skirt was really short, how did I get out of the house in it? I tried to lower it a little and pull my top down a little to cover my stomach, but either my thighs would come out a lot or my stomach or my breasts. For once I regretted not bringing a jacket. I adjusted my makeup a little and tried to reduce it, but the eyeliner was the problem. I didn't wipe it off because it was going to be a mess. I took a deep breath and left. I looked around and saw Harry's back in the corner to the right facing the door. Did he saw me when I walked into the restaurant?

I quietly walked to a table. "Hi" I said in a low voice. I wasn't sure if he heard me. He got up from his seat. "Hi, Lillian." He's wearing a black suit with half unbuttoned shirt, his tattoos almost visible, and the cross silver necklace on his chest, his hair a bit greasy but his curly sit on his shoulders perfectly. And his shiny rings tempt me to play with them, but i look at the table and sat next to him, not facing him. My back to the rest

of the restaurant. I don't know why, but I felt a bit comfortable with my slightly exposed skin now. One person staring at my skin was better than an entire restaurant. I need to pay more attention to what I wear next time.

"I didn't make you leave your friends behind, Right?" | wanted to get out of there anyway. "No" | smiled.

The server came to take our drinks orders. Harry ordered a red wine and looked at me, and I lowered my gaze to the table.

"Water, please," | said, holding out the napkins on the table.

The server walked away and Harry said, "Are you sure? They have great wine, or would you like champagne?" I shook my head. "Thanks," | mumbled. "Where did you and your friends go?"

"Um.. bar" I said quietly, "hm you don't look drunk" I looked at him "I don't drink" The server interrupted us with the drinks and menu.

"How's work?" he asked. "Good, you?" "Today was slow but I got a lot of stuff done so that counts as an accomplishment." | nodded.

"When are your days off?" | sipped my water. "Every Sunday." | said

"One day?" I nodded. "Did you know that's against the terms of any job?" "I signed off on a one-day. No compulsion." I felt the heat run through my entire body from his deep, calm voice, from the prices of the food, from my exposed skin to him, and from the fact that we were talking as if we had known each other for a long time, and also because I was with a person for dinner whom I had only met three times in passing on the street and once in a coffee shop.

There was a good chance he was dangerous, stop it

I didn't feel hungry after flipping through the menu at least three times. There was a caesar salad and pasta.

I had to choose one of the two dishes because it was very expensive and I couldn't afford it, the cost of one dish is the same as what l literally spend on the grocery store for a whole month.

"Are you done?" Harry asked and I nodded. He raised his hand to the server to came over. "What would you like?" Harry said softly. I pointed to the pasta on the menu without taking my eyes off it.

"Caesar salad, chicken salad, two medium steak, two mushroom soup, alfredo pasta, shrimp pasta and margherita" he said to the server.

My eyes were wide open, I couldn't believe it, the restaurant was so expensive. The waiter left and I said to Harry, "Are you sure? You ordered a lot" "You should try it, it's delicious, in fact one of the best." "But I can't afford it." I whispered to him, his eyes narrowed a little and his brows furrowed. "We'll see." He said dryly

We sat in silence for a few minutes, "Did you know that this restaurant has been around for over sixty years?" I looked up to meet his, smiling slightly. "Wow." I smiled to him.

"Did you graduate from college?" I nodded "This summer",

"What was your major?", "English Literature and Translation"

"Interesting. why did you choose it?", "I like reading." Silence again.

"What did you major in?"

"Business."

"How old are you?" he asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Twenty one" My cheeks flushed and I hoped they didn't turn red. "You?" "Twenty seven"

What. the. hell!!!! He's old!

llooked at him for a few seconds, a smile on his face that I hoped would be etched in my memory. My stomach was filled with a strange feeling, and the weather so hot I might pass out.

Then the food arrived in a few seconds.

I came back to reality and realized how much food there was.

I hadn't reached out to eat yet because Harry kept putting some of everything on my plate and on his plate too. Until he was done and then he said, "You okay?" My cheeks burned again, a shiver ran down my toes and I felt heat all over my body, no one has ever put food out like that for me before.

Harry's POV

She was wearing a tight top I could see the edges of her bra.

Her thighs were so full and I feel my pants tingling. She was trembling a little as she played with her necklace and bit her lip from time to time. The food arrived and I put some of everything for her and for me.

We started eating but she was eating so slowly that for a moment I thought she didn't want to eat. But then I remembered when she mentioned it was expensive. "I have an idea" I said and she jumped "Hmm?" Her eyes a little watery

"Dinner is on me this time, next time we can share" she smiled

"please no, we can share, it's okay", "yes next time" I said harshly and her face was a little sad but then she nodded. I immediately regretted the way my words came out.

She started eating a little more and I couldn't help but smile

until my cheeks hurt. We ate in silence, commenting every few minutes about how good the food. She didn't eat much but she tasted everything.

"They have a really nice dessert let's try it"

"Thank you but i can't I'm really full" she said playing with a strand of her hair.

My cock twitched again. "Let me take you home" my voice so low.

She looked at me with sleepy eyes and her shoulders slightly lowered, making her breast line deeper, I looked at her and raised my eyebrows when she opened her mouth to speak

“ca- um.. yes please," she whispered.

I paid and we walked to my car. Her eyes looked up as I opened my car door for her. "Is this your car?" She asked slowly "Do you like it?" Her pupils dilated until half of the blue in her eyes was gone. She looked at me for a few seconds and then got in, her skirt rising even higher. My cock was getting hard, I tried to control myself but when I got to my seat, we were so close and quiet, I could hear her breathing and see her breasts rise as she breathed. Her thighs were pressed together and a lot of skin was showing.

The car started and I looked at her face, sweat were forming on the bridge of her nose and above her lips, her forehead was covered by her bangs but I could see some hairs damp from the sweat.

"Where is your house?" "Um, uh, I- close?" | laughed softly "Location?" She flipped open her phone and sent me the location, I looked at it even though I knew the way by heart from the many times I stood outside all night and morning watching her apartment.

"Do you want a specific song?" She shook her head no. I turned on the radio, the volume very low that I still can hear her slightly ragged breathing. Her apartment was about 17 minutes away. I drove very slowly, I didn't want us to arrive too fast.

The silence was so comfortable despite the tense air.

"Um, thanks for dinner, you really didn't have to pay" she said quietly, a tremor in her voice. We stopped at a red light and I looked at her, her cheeks flushed even with the red light on her I could still see her cheeks burning. "It's okay," we looked at each other for a moment.

"Can I ask you a question?" she whispered. "Anything." "I know nothing about cars, but I know this one costs a fortune. How?" I laughed. "I don't give free business advice. But l've worked hard since college. So it should make sense"

She pressed her thighs together again, her fingers trembling as she gripped he bag, her eyes on the window as the light turned green. A few minutes passed and then she spoke. She said quietly and slowly "I want to quit." We stopped at another red light "I've saved up enough money to last me ten months" she took a deep shaky breath "but I don't know if I'll find a job easily in that time. I don't know why I'm telling you, but I don't know what else to do, and you seem to know the right thing to do" she said in a low voice and her knuckles turned white. The light turned green.

"I think you should take unpaid vacation if your work allows it. If not, you could quit for five months at least and then look for a job." We stopped at the door of her building.

We sat in silence for a full minute, until she unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to me, "Thank you, good night" she whispered quietly, not looking me in the eyes.

She got out of the car and walked to the door, her hips moving seductively, even though she was walking tiredly in her high heels. She put the code on the door and entered, closing it behind her.

I returned to the house and opened the door, Grey walked between my legs. I got down to pat her a little bit. "Hey, have you been alone all day? Hm?" I left her and went upstairs to my room, I went to take a shower, my cock was hard as a rock, and the guilt washing over me because it's hard for her, the water washing me until my hand tightened on the rock between my legs. An inhuman sound came out of me as I fucked my hand.

The image of her lips, legs, thighs. I shouldn't think of her this way, but she has been living freely in my mind for over a month, it's unfair, she should be mine. Release and pleasure wash me over until my breathing returns to normal. I finished taking a shower and put on underwear. I went downstairs to get water. It's 11pm so I went to sleep but she's still in my mind.

I stayed up until 2am. Throughout my career I didn't change a single thing about my routine. I woke up at 6am, worked out, showered, breakfast, went to work at 8am sharp. I worked 10 hours, slept at 11pm for 8 hours. In one month I broke all the rules of my day. I stayed up more than 24 hours, I missed half the work day. Not only that, I stayed up all night, leaving work early to see her walking to her apartment. I was really starting to lose my mind.

Please tell me what you think :3

[colin-86sc2]

11/26/2024

its 2:18 am as i start writing this. youre not supposed to listen to what your brain says after 9 pm or whenever but i need to get some words out. this morning i stayed in bed doing nothing for an hour. then i played some video games. i got bored and ate some food. went back to playing video games. basically went back and forth between those until about half an hour ago. i want to actually make something. when i make stuff i love it. i love sharing it with people. i want to share my interests, but due to my own mistakes and bad choices and things i regret, i have few friends and no desire to join an online community to find more. and pretty much only my brother is who i can show most of what i do i dont like being embarrased about who i am, but i also dont know if what i feel is what i actually am. and then when i see things about how happy some people can be with their choices in life, i wonder what must be wrong with me. im terrified of not being known but i have no idea how to put myself in any sort of situation where people would know me i want to create. i want to make music. i want to draw. i want to fix things that are broken. i want to make people happy. the things i do create arent good enough to pursue in my eyes. my music sounds bad as soon as i listen again. my drawing can be decent but compared to what i had imagined its sad. my fixing is restricted to my four cars but i have no motivation to get past any slightly difficult part of it. (ive been trying to fix the same car for nearly 5 years now) i cant tell what other people are thinking, so i have no idea how im doing at making people happy. but how can i feel okay with making people happy when im not happy myself saw something that makes sense to solve part of that. it said that lack of motivation might be that some of the more basic needs arent being met. according to some versons of the maslows heirarchy i might not even have the bottom of the triangle filled out, when the things i want are three or four up. i hate the abstractness of feelings. i wish i could know definitively if what im feeling or more often not feeling is abnormal or not. im pretty sure it is but unless i know something for sure i cant accept it. i hate subjective answers. how long does happiness last? am i feeling sadness right now? am i depressed? the only thing i can ever say is whether or not im stressed, my body tells me that with cold sores. anything else is subjective, and according to my brain, theres no right answer to a subjective question. i feel bad only using tumblr for venting now but its the only place i can. if someone wants to read, they could. theyd have to search it out, and its certainly not easy to find. knowing one person follows this blog is so strange to me. i dont know them, i dont know what sort of person they are, but the idea that at least someone knows part of me a little more deeply than my family does is somehow comforting. sorry if youre reading this rn and i made it weird. anyways. i need to make myself better. i want to do it on my own, but i know thats probably not a great choice. there are people with much better track records in every category whove made it their life to help in situations like this. but man, i really dont want to talk to people.

[zoeykallus]

Fives – Soldier Boy 21 – Heavy Hearts

Warnings: Angst/Fluff

__________

It is not easy to come to terms with what has happened. Dark, fearful thoughts plague you. You can only hope that Fives understands you in some way. You may have to make a very hard decision.

__________

What Happened Before:

Soldier Boy

Part 2 - Caught In The Act

Part 3 - Tender Affection

Part 4 - Worries And Secrets

Part 5 - Welcome Back, Soldier Boy

Part 6 - I Should Have Known

Part 7 - Doing Something Stupid

Part 8 - Hot Tub

Part 9 - Seize The Night

Part 10 - We Need A Medic

Part 11 - Live To Fight Another Day

Part 12 - What Lies Ahead

Part 13 - An Unexpected Friend

Part 14 - Important News

Part 15 - The Beginning Of An Empire

Part 16 - Yoda

Part 17 - Unforgiven

Part 18 - The Depth Of Fear

Part 19 - Hope, Sorrow And Anger

Part 20 – A Stranger In My Skin

Heavy Hearts

When you entered the hospital room, Fives sat up immediately, heavily but with wide eyes and a relieved smile.

Softly, he said, "I was afraid you might not come back".

You sighed faintly, sat down on the chair by his bed and said, "You won't get rid of me that easily."

Fives laughed softly.

"Good to know"

You looked at him and felt your chest tighten, becoming too tight to feel comfortable in your body any longer. It was hard to get used to the sight of him, he looked so strange and haggard.

As if sensing what was going on inside you, he looked down at himself and said, "I know, I feel alien myself in my own body."

Again you sighed and said, "It's not that, not only that. It's just that this life is leaving less and less of you, and the thought creeps in that at some point it's going to be too much, and you're going to be completely…. lost."

After a while of silence, he says, "I talked to Rex. He said I should retire for now, until I'm fully recovered, before I decide whether or not to stay with the rebellion."

You blinked in surprise.

"So you're actually thinking about it?"

He smiled wryly.

"Don't get too excited, I haven't made a decision yet".

You said, "But at least you're thinking about it"

"If I didn't have you by my side, I probably wouldn't".

You frowned critically.

"So you're making this dependent on me"

Fives, reached for one of your hands.

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes," you said softly, "Yes. But it has to be your decision, anything else will only make you regret it and hate me for it".

Fives gently squeezed your fingers.

"I could never hate you."

A little uncertainly, you returned the pressure of his fingers and said softly, thoughtfully, "We'll see".

Fives recovered faster than expected. Back in your new shelter, he trained a lot, working hard with the rehab exercises. He was fully occupied with getting back into his old shape.

But still, everything was different now. You were regularly plagued by strange nightmares of waking up and finding Fives dead in bed next to you, bleeding out and ragged. You kept some distance, couldn't really get involved with him, no matter when you looked at him, you kept seeing this half dead, broken man in front of you and felt put off. You wanted your old Fives back, the one you met when he was supposed to be your bodyguard.

He got back in shape faster than you thought, but that image in your mind's eye was hard to shake off.

One day, after he had showered after a training session and came into the small garden where you were sitting with a book, he looked like himself again. It was warm, he was barefoot, wearing only a clean pair of thin, light-colored summer pants and was topless.

"Lovely weather," he said cheerfully, and sat down with you.

You looked up from your reading material for a moment. He looked great, a few new scars, but still, or rather again, gorgeous. Hard muscles under tanned skin, toned, well-fed, radiating strength. You looked back at your book and said, "Yeah, it's pretty warm."

Fives was silent for a few seconds, then said a little uncertainly, "You used to hardly be able to stop staring at me when I walked around topless. Are the scars really that bad? Or have you gotten bored of me already?"

You sighed and shook your head.

"I don't care about the scars, it's this image in my head that bothers me".

"What image?" he asked, surprised.

You told him about your nightmares and also about seeing him again and again in that hospital room, not being able to shake off the image.

"Is that why you won't let me touch you anymore?" he asked softly.

You nodded and said, "I kind of can't let myself go anymore".

He grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him.

"But you trust me, don't you?"

"That's not the problem," you insisted.

"Then what is it? Aren't you attracted to me anymore?"

His lips gently touched your cheek, moved to your neck, and his strong arms pulled you closer to him. You stiffened a little, but let it happen.

"Darlin', relax, I'm still your Fives, your Soldier Boy".

A small giggle escaped you at the thought of the first time you called him that. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It felt like the distant past, and the smile on your lips faded again.

Five's lips continued to roam tirelessly over your neck, sucking on your pulse, which slowly began to race. Your heart beat faster, and you began to lean into his embrace, against him.

A familiar tingling spread under your skin, triggered by Fives' every touch. One of his hands moved under your tunic, slowly sliding to your breasts. First he embraced one then the other, feeling your nipples stand up and become clearly perceptible through the thin fabric of your bra, tickling them with his fingertips.

His lips moved close to your ear, and he whispered, "I bet I can still make you squirm in ecstasy."

"I never doubted that," you said breathlessly.

"That's what it sounded like to me"

You reached for his arm and pulled his hand out from under your tunic. You turned to him and looked directly at him.

"No, Fives, that's not the point I'm making. The thing that has settled in the back of my mind is the fear of losing you for good," you said seriously.

He sighed softly and caressed your cheek.

"My beauty, I will never leave you willingly as long as you want me, but you can't ask me to be someone I'm not. I am still a soldier, and must do what I think is right."

You swallowed and said somberly, "So must I."

He blinked and asked, "And what does that mean?"

"I don't know yet" you said quietly and stood up.

As you went into the house to get something to drink in the kitchen, he followed you. You heard his bare feet behind you. Fives could be very stubborn, and he wouldn't give you up so easily, you knew that. In a way, you were glad of that, but you weren't sure if you would agree this time.

"You're thinking about leaving me," he stated quietly.

You had your back turned to him, got a juice from the cooler and poured yourself a glass of it. Your heart was beating up in your throat, hard and defiant. Yet your words were calm as you said, "Just like you, I have to do what I think is right."

"So leaving me is the right thing to do?" he asked, sounding a little sharper than he intended.

You heard him take a deep breath before he added, "But I'm incomplete without you by my side."

Your hand clutched at the glass, you felt your muscles tense, a slight tremor went through your shoulders, and it burned behind your eyes.

"I can't follow you onto the battlefield, and I'm not willing to sit at home or at headquarters hoping and trembling to see if you make it back alive," you returned bitterly.

You turned to him, tears in your eyes, your voice brittle as you said, "I just can't do this, Fives."

His expression softened, he stepped closer to you and wiped a stray tear from your cheek.

You whispered, "I love you so much, I can't lose you, not like this. This feeling, this constant fear, would eventually break me."

"How about a compromise?" he suggested gently.

You looked at him questioningly, surprised.

"What do you mean?"

"What if we're both at headquarters? I'm a good strategist and Rex has already offered me that I could take an organizational, strategic role on the ground at headquarters. I would still be a soldier, involved in the resistance, but you wouldn't have to fearfully wait for me anymore."

A wave of relief rolled over you, but still you don't really dare to take a breath.

"Would you want to do that?" you asked cautiously.

Fives smiled wryly and nodded.

"I've been on the battlefield often enough and long enough, I have other qualities that can serve the fight for the good cause."

The tension drained from your muscles and your hands trembled slightly. The fear of actually leaving Fives had triggered a real adrenaline rush, which was now dissolving, leaving you with soft, shaky knees.

You nodded, close to tears with relief.

"I could live with that."

His smile widened, he came even closer, kissed your cheek, up to your ear and whispered, "And now I'll show you, in my own special way, that I'm still your Fives."

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@clone-whore-99

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[pbandjesse]

Today did not go as planned and honestly I feel really bad today. I am just absolutely exhausted and it's insane how I have not been able to get anything done at all today.

And I know it's because I worked until 1 am. But I thought I would sleep and be good but I just was not and it sucked.

I had a lot of fun last night. The wedding went great. The couple was super nice. I had a mango sorbet push pop and a piece of blueberry cake. It was a little hectic. I had to tell Jesse he was doing to much. That he's great at the job but he's making himself stress for no reason.

There was only one stress last night and it was when the women's room completely ran out of toilet paper and I couldn't find Jesse or the keys to change the rolls. That was embarrassing but we handled it after a bit of running around. Those stupid dispensers are the worst though and I hit my elbows every time I went to change one. Terrible design.

Clean up went fine. Jesse did his best to restrain himself and stay behind the desk and let me be in charge. And overall I did great except one of the doors I locked was unlocked again and I forgot to make sure catering brought all the trash cans back inside. So I would have to deal with that but it was all good.

We took some extra time to go over the lights and I remembered where almost all of them were. And he showed me how to lock the gates. And then we were off.

I was really happy to be home. My shoes were doing good until right at the end. I had tried to just sit for a bit during the last hour of the party and was just knitting but when I got up again I guess my feet had swollen and so I spent our last 45 minutes during lights out barefoot. I was just really excited to go home. I'm also going to start bringing slippers to change into like I do at camp.

I got home right at 1. And I was tired but I had some stuff I wanted to accomplish first. I held sweetp for a bit. I took a really excellent shower. And I tried on the new things I got myself yesterday. James briefly woke up and kissed my hand. And soon I was getting in bed and going to sleep.

Had to wake up 3 times to pee. And the last one when when the sun was fully up and making our room so bright. I would put a sleep mask on and go back to sleep.

I hate sleeping until 10. Always have. But James was there and tried to be encouraging. They said that we would need to replace Crabcake's light and heating element which both seemed to stop working. And that we had a full errands to run anyway. Cate and Ross would be coming by around 11 to drop off the bookcase they are getting rid of. So I had time to take a quick wake up shower and get dressed.

I actually wore eyeliner today and I did it slightly different then normal and felt really pretty. My hair always was looking pretty nice. I have razor cut some of the top layers before I went to bed last night and I guess I just needs the movement.

James made me an omelette and a hashbrown. And I ate it outside on the porch swing. I asked for a sprite but it ended up tasting repulsive to me. Very odd. But water was fine.

I wasn't feeling amazing. I put on my best face when Cate and Ross came through. I was happy to see them. And they were so kind to bring us their old book shelf. It will be great in the studio for all of our art books.

They didn't stay long. They had other people to drop things off too and meet with. So we said goodbye and I let myself go lay back down outside.

James said that when I was feeling up to it we could go run errands. We apparently had a miscommunication in this. I thought that they meant that they were ready and so when I was okay enough we would just go. So I gave myself a mental deadline of noon.

But when I was ready all of a sudden James wasn't. And they were all rushed and I was super confused. But I was like. Okay it's fine. I felt exhausted and not thrilled. But James was being really complimentary and telling me how pretty I was and how pretty our baby is going to be, make all the other babies jealous. I was trying to put a happy face on.

But then we get to the pet store and I find out James never checked the heating element and the bulb plugs to make sure they didn't just get turned off. And I wasn't happy that we were going to spend $80 on a maybe. And then James says it's because we rushed out of the house. And they forgot the stuff they needed to do the hardware store run. And I was just. Done. I was so close to tears in the turtle care aisle.

I told James I never even wanted to come out. I felt terrible. I was so tired and uncomfortable and I just wanted to go home. I just kept saying it and I felt like I was stuck in a loop. James said okay let take you home and apologized but we had a very silent drive home.

When we got back here I went and laid down and James collected what they needed. The turtle light and heating element were working fine. And they promised to send me a picture of the menu at Rita's to get me something still.

So they left. And I laid there. And I didnt sleep. I was so very tired but I did not sleep.

Around 2 James was home. They brought me a lemon flavor misto. I had never tried that before but it was nice. And I had that and a pretzel stick. And then I fell asleep. While James working on setting up our dryer (and then doing our first load of laundry in our house!!). And I slept.

I slept until almost 5. And I felt horrible. I feel slightly less horrible now but it was very bad. I was dizzy and nauseous and dehydrated. I felt like I had been running the way I was huffing and puffing. I was not having fun.

Drinking water helped. James made us spaghetti for dinner. We laid in bed together. I can't seem to find the right temperature but I tried to just be calm. I picked out outfits for the week. And we filled out my check in documents for my appointment on Thursday. But mostly we just rested.

Now I'm in the bathroom tub. Considering having a bowl of cereal. But mostly I just want to go to sleep. I'm not sure what tomorrow will hold. If I'm going to go to camp or not. If I still feel this bad in the morning I will probably stay home. And I am trying hard to not feel bad about that.

I hope you all have a good night. Sleep well and be safe. I love you dearly. Good night!

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Saturday, January 14th, 2006 4:14 pm "noones ever been this good for this long" this is everything i am thinking right now with out transition. i apologize for my brains lack of linear thought processing: i hate the way it gets dark so early here this time of year. i guess "seasonal depression" kind of falls under "ADD" and "post tramatic whatever disorder" for me. i feel like its science from the madhatter down the rabbit hole. not too real. but lately i just wake up blue - my only thought is- how soon will the day be over so i can get back into bed. i open my eyes just a tiny bit and blur the numbers on the clock with my eyelashes. every word you say rolls off of my back - the praises and the barbs. i don't hear either, ever. sometimes the tips of my fingers itch from the back of my head- just to get the chance to tear someone to pieces and just barely let them off the hook. i swear to god, i was asleep alone. quick text me an alibi and oh god please don't dust the keyboard for prints. sometimes i stare out of the frosted window and make up stories as people walk by. the bottled blonde, park ave. princess walking whichever dog matches her coat. you know how i could turn your world upsidedown. its not love if a day goes by when you don't think about dropping it. its not the world keeping you on the outside, its you not wanting to be on the inside. everyone wants to be the first. buts its okay to be the second if you understand it better, if you make it look prettier. worn down doesn't even touch this. and theres nothing worse than when someone acts like they have you figured out, when you haven't even figured yourself out. nice boys don't write good stories or sing good songs. and his songs are boring. and his stories are just personal ads set to background music. i found the skeleton key for wedlock but i am holding off on telling her. on telling anyone for that matter. consistent inconsistency. thats all you ever have to remember and you'll do okay with me. dancers are always strippers. and paying their way through college is the BE VE. oh and hey pete do you remember the way the world used to trick you with fifty degrees in january and orange leaves in june? button your jacket tight, don't believe everything you read... don't even believe everything you wrote. i'm tired of always leaving. i'm tired of the way things always/never change. swim upstream until your gills bleed just because thats what genetic encoding commands. there aren't any trophies that are really worth it in the end. they can put you in a box when you are very young, so you'll be a pretty corpse but there are too many pages filled with too many words to lie beside you forever. intelligent design is the last great joke i heard. but honestly, no one will ever stay where i tell them, least of all the years. they keep moving. worlds greatest liar and how do you know i'm not lying when i tell you this right now? and thats coming from the king of one-liners. copy and pasted - long live the away message. kiss the monitor. fast asleep baby. Friday, January 6th, 2006 8:11 pm i am just a hot mess. i woke up to the feeling of myself throwing up today. pretty much put a damper on the entire day. i ate about 50 stomach pills and then threw them all up- it was a pretty color in the toilet. my toungue is black on the top right now. i am pretty sure thats a bad thing. i watched way too much gastinaeu (however you spell it) girls today. i think it made me sicker. it took me awhile to realize that they were mother and daughter and not sisters- but the mom is kinda hot in pissy kind of way. my mom is out of town so there was noone here to take care of me- my brother was around but hes pretty much always bongzilla'd. so i waited for back-up caretakers to arrive- one of them was busy cutting hair and the other has like a "real" job besides being dad.

the best part about vomitting alone in the morning is the way the bathroom tiles feel kinda cool in a pleasant way so i took a nap there for a bit. i want to see hostel tonight but the problem is all the vomitting- see its not that i mind so much its just what if i run into someone in my sicky gear and puke on them?

wow. i am glad i did this update. arent you?

im gonna leave the comments open cause i never do- just write down the first thing that comes into your mind when you see that reply button- heres mine:

i am just a hot mess. (989 Comments |Comment on this) Saturday, December 24th, 2005 9:57 pm blue christmas so i was sitting around this christmas. just kinda getting bummed out looking at the lights outside of shiny houses in my neighborhood and decided that it was time fall out boy gave somethng back. we decided to pick a cause that we feel is often overlooked- education of poor people in africa (specifically ethiopia). we feel like education is one of the most important building blocks in change- so after doing some research we found and organization that we felt really was doing it right: www.a-cet.org - this isn't some glossy amazing press piece it is doing something quietly to make a change- and we loved that. so we decided to put a couple of old and rare FOB and clandestine items up on ebay. here's the deal- if you dont see the link off of a fall out boy site than don't trust that it is us doing it- part two- keep bidding the more we can help the better. and three we will keep adding more items up here for a bit so keep checking back. they are all legitimate and endorsed by FOB and all items will come signed. happy bidding:

a clandestine shirt sample that was never made: http://cgi.ebay.com/never-produced-clandestine-shirt-sample-fall-out-boy_W0QQitemZ4812617551QQcategoryZ52473QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

breakdance not hearts shirt worn on big in 05 awards: http://cgi.ebay.com/clandestine-breakdance-not-hearts-shirt-fall-out-boy_W0QQitemZ4812615104QQcategoryZ52473QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

giant moonman pez dispenser given to nominees at the VMAs http://cgi.ebay.com/giant-VMA-moonman-pez-dispenser_W0QQitemZ4812612435QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

complete set of take this to your grave trading cards. including rare card: http://cgi.ebay.com/fall-out-boy-trading-card-lot-takethistoyourgrave_W0QQitemZ4812607828QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

new:

original bleach "i am the dream" shirt clandestine: http://cgi.ebay.com/original-bleach-clandestine-shirt-i-am-the-dream_W0QQitemZ4812798220QQcategoryZ52473QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

original secret order shirt http://cgi.ebay.com/secret-order-of-FOB-shirt-hyper-limited_W0QQitemZ4812800208QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

alternative press poster signed by entire band http://cgi.ebay.com/alternative-press-poster-fall-out-boy-limited_W0QQitemZ4812796786QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

spend your xmas cash... Thursday, December 8th, 2005 3:34 am last week i got to hold a baby orangatan (spelled completely wrong).

that was the best moment of my life.

ill try to find a picture.

try to imagine a regular baby, mixed with a puppy, mixed with the song "dont stop believin" by journey. Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 12:59 am sometimes my own words dont suffice. "i hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us i hope we come up witha fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us i hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight and i hope we hang on past the last exit, i hope its already too late and i hope that the junkyard a few blocks from here someday burns down and i hope the rising black smoke carries me far away and i never come back to this town again. in my life i hope i lie and tell everyone you were a good wife and i hope you die. i hope we both die" Sunday, November 20th, 2005 1:36 pm sometimes its like never started sometimes it like its never gonna end