#starrjournals

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Please take a minute to read our story in Gaza, after I lost my home for the third time, we lost our work, and we are in a tragic situation.

This sums up my daughter's situation with her four siblings. She cannot continue living without your help. Donate, share the story and send it to your friends. Any small amount helps save my children's lives, share now on your account.

https://www.tumblr.com/monashamali/755533032132395008/donate-to-help-the-munna-tashmali-family-rebuild?source=share

The campaign has been verified by Nabulsi

https://www.tumblr.com/nabulsi/754393532315353089/donate-to-help-the-munna-tashmali-family-rebuild?source=share

Hi Munna! I will share ur gofund me link across multiple platforms! I am wishing u get all the donations for ur family!! I will add you and ur family to my prayers 💘

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y’all i just broke my cats exercise wheel and now we’re both sitting in silence…. i’m literally 🙂 but also (🥹) it was an accident but it was smth i shouldn’t have been doing (putting my weight on it) and yea now i’m just like well damn. he didn’t use it yet bc we’re still training but still… 🤕

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Hello, I hope you and your family are well. Can you please help me recycle the post on my account? 🌺 And help rescue my family from the war in Gaza? 🙏 Thank you.

https://gofund.me/71c9635a

hello yes i will!

https://gofund.me/71c9635a

Here is the link for easier access! You have such a beautiful family! I hope this gofund me is flooded with donations and you can all evacuate safely. I wish u all nothing but health and love and peace because u deserve it!

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looking around my house and realizing it’s actually so dirty is embarrassing…. and i just had company over… like this is what they seen? but i know this isn’t my voice shaming me i’m just a bit surprised tbh. it was getting into shamey territory but i stopped myself before i did *pat on the back!!!* i struggle to keep my home clean because i am actually disabled is okay. i am learning more abt myself all the time. i am struggling to take care of myself and my environment but i am learning to do so at my pace. it’s a working progress but i am getting there. and that’s what counts most! working with urself to do what’s best for u at ur pace!!!! i’m so happy i’m able to do this i want to cry. happy tears! but that is also okay. hehe. i love me so much. and i can’t wait to learn more stuff about myself. thank u. truly 💗

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

yea

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i feel like i’m trying to rush through this sadness i’m feeling. like i’m trying to avoid it completely. i’m just trying to do things i enjoy and not let it swallow me whole. but maybe i do need to let it swallow me whole. maybe i do need to let it completely devour me. i’m not sure. i’m not sure with what i feel or what i should do. i want to cry but it’s struggling to come out. i feel like i’m always so hard on myself. it’s been two days. you’re allowed to hurt and grieve and feel sad and mad and everything in between. i’ve never had the chance to do so before so it feels uncomfy. but it’s going to be okay so long as i treat myself with love and kindness. i am strong and full of love. i am also very scared. this is how it goes. i have to tune into my body and take care of myself because usually when i feel like this i neglect my mind and body. but i am getting better at this and i will get through this! i believe in myself and i believe in my truths. i know how i felt/feel and i know how it’s affected me. no one can tell me differently in how i feel. i will no longer let my feelings be dismissed or swept under the rug. i deserve forward communication and honesty. i will defend myself and be the person younger me deserved to have in their corner. thank you. i love you so much. you got this.

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hi hi hiiiiiii!!!! i’ve gotten into a baking groove and have been making chocolate chip cookies constantly and they’re soo good!!! like i know every recipe says that it’s the best cookie recipe but i think this one is it!!! they’re so nice and chewy nd mm. and i add a little sea salt on top while they’re warm, so good!!! but um yea that’s what’s been going on with me lately. let’s see what else, what else? oh okay i’m so grateful! i had owed rent to where i live 2,500 and i owe the electricity company like 400 as well and i had to pay it back but i signed up for a program and they’re paying for all of it. i’m so glad and grateful!! like wow, everything does work out. thank u spirit and the universe i truly appreciate it. 💗💗💗

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HIIII!!! I’ve decided i’m nonbinary guys!!! i’ve known for a while but just like put it off for another time (mood) but yea i’ll still be going by she/her but i’m adding they/them!!! how exciting it is to learn more about yourself!!! so yea friends my pronouns are she/they. i know later it’ll only be they/them but for now i am good. it feels really nice to be able to say that. i’ve never really felt in the binary my whole life and never knew that being non-binary was an option growing up until recently tbh. i’m glad i’m able to learn this about myself and i can’t wait to learn more!! thank u for reading, i love u!!

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i found one of my cats whiskers on the floor and i find them to be good luck. i just wanted to share that. also currently listening to tinnitus (wanna be a rock) by txt i rlly like it def recommend.

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y’all i’m literally crying… i went to the management office for my apartment to fill out forms and they told me that i owe back rent. i was overstimulated x1000 bc there was a couple there who had their daughter on the phone translating and they were trying to figure out what they needed and they were loud and i could hear the guy i was talking to in the office talking to the property manager about me. i was literally looking everywhere and trying to stay calm bc it was a lot and then hearing the lady say she owes rent made it worse bc i knew it was abt me??? and the guy handed me the paper and i was trying to read it but he sat down next to me and it made me uncomfortable and he was just watching and waiting impatiently for me to sign and something in me was like don’t sign this but he made me so nervous just peering over my shoulder and watching for me to sign like i couldn’t even read the paper bc it was too much. the most i did was ask for copies bc when i tell u i never got this paper bc i keep all the papers from the office in a binder together. and when i told the guy he was like oh well you know mail gets lost on the way sometimes? like oh because it got lost on the way to me now i’m required to pay it back? like if i knew that i had a set rent to pay then i would’ve paid it. i’m so upset and sad and mad and want to cry again. i literally exited the building so quick to go home so i can cry in the comfort of my home. like i was barely keeping it together. i cried for very long. like it just kept going. writing this is making me teary eyed bc i just got hired for a job but i haven’t started yet and it’s barely a job tbh the shifts are 2-3 hours at most and i’m getting paid minimum wage. like yes i am grateful for this job opportunity. but now i am incredibly sad bc i can’t work a lot bc then i get so burnt out and my mental health suffers so much but then if i don’t work i don’t have funds for the things i need. i’m literally going to cry again. it’s really not a world for autism like i genuinely cant go back to forcing myself to work to the bone just so i can afford to pay rent. i’m imagining it as (in announcer voice) in one hand we have the basic necessities needed to live: housing, food, clothes. and on the other hand we have: mental health/audhd burnout!!! which will it be today fellas??? it’s not funny and i’m not using humor to cope but yea this is what it feels like. why do i have to choose to be able to take care of my mental health or be able to live and not be unhoused??? i don’t want to live like that. i won’t and i don’t know what i’m going to do but i refuse to live like that. i want to be passionate in what i do and be able to take care of myself. i’m so sad. i know it’ll get better. i have faith in that but for now i’m sad. if u read all this thank u. i do appreciate it.

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awoooo! i hope u guys are doing well today! if not i wish u a better day! i just wanted to post but i don’t rlly have anything to say so yeah.

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currently feeling sad but that’s okay bc i know this too shall pass. i will not always be stuck in my sadness, i will not always be stuck, i will move on from this. feeling very called to simply feel it and work through it. why am i sad rn? not sure but it could be me worrying abt my future, my next steps, my next move. also knowing that my dad is worrying about me bc my sister told me he was asking her questions abt me and she said idk. i don’t want to worry my dad at all. i want him to know that i will be okay and i’m going to be better. i know he worries bc i quit my job and don’t have any money currently but i know i will be fine. am i also worried? of course i am. i don’t know what life’s next steps are for me but i do know i have to make a choice. what will i choose? honestamente no se. estoy preocupada bc no se que quiero ser pero yo sé que no tengo que estar con sola una cosa y que no tengo que decidirme en una cosa por el resto de mi vida. yo puedo cambiar de lo que yo estoy haciendo cuando yo quiera porque es mi vida. i feel so much better writing that in spanish like fr. might have to do some more blog posts in spanish tbh. let out a deep breath cos phew 😮‍💨. but yea. i can’t let my emotions take control of me they are just passing through and it’s natural for me to feel sad sometimes. eso pasa. but i know i’ll be okay because i am sitting with these emotions and releasing them. i love you and appreciate you.

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dear iris,

im writing this to release everything. i genuinely am scared for when i call and explain this to you. but i'll be okay, because i am brave and strong and courageous. do you want to know why i ignore your calls and don't talk to you at all if I don't have to? because i don't like you. i don't like all the pain you've put me through, all the times i thought i could trust you and it was just thrown back into my face. i don't like your actions. i know it's because you were hurt in the past as well, i've given you grace for that. but i was also a child who did not deserve that pain that you had redirected onto me. i know you are not my biological mother, you know that as well. but the problems you have with my aunt in the past never and i mean NEVER had anything to do with me. you also redirected that anger onto me. you made me feel ashamed about who my family is and by extension who i am. i feel like i am going on a rampage about you, you, you. i'm not saying i was a perfect child because i wasn't. but i did not deserve that trauma that you had thrown onto me. i was a child who had to deal with living with you and now i don't. and now as i am an adult you want to act like it's water under the bridge and honestly i do too. i wish i didn't have to talk about this to you or in general but i can't just ignore it. it's literally causing me pain and discomfort. you are another mother figure i have and i am grateful for all the good things you did do for me. but on a scale, the bad outweighs the good. and if i go on ignoring this i can't continue living my life because it will continue holding me back. i think we both deserve better than the cards we were dealt but since we have been dealt them it is up to us to improve them and tip the scale in our favor. so why don't i call you or talk to you unless i have to? because this is me putting a boundary and keeping my space safe. and if it means never speaking again, then so be it. i deserve a safe space and so do you. so here i am ranting into the internet. i do feel better writing this all out. but now i must say it to the person i should've felt safe with. and i am still scared. but i know i have to do it for my own good. i deserve to feel safe and be able to move on. you do too but i am doing this for myself right now. maybe in the future, we can talk again and joke around but for now, i need space. thank you.

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i seen a video that was like it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions and that you’re not gonna feel happy all the time and you’re not gonna feel sad all the time. but waiting for the next happy is gonna have u not be present and not be in the moment in the small moments of happiness. because happiness is a feeling and not a space to go to. and yea it just really clicked while i was drinking tea before bed. like right now i feel so ugh bc i’m not happy but i have to work on being kind to myself and to enjoy the little moments bc then they’ll pass by and i won’t realize it. rlly struggling on the being kind to myself bc i have dishes in the sink and i don’t want to do them tonight and usually i’ll be like it’s fine i can do them tomorrow but i have a little voice that’s scolding me and calling me lazy and dirty bc i’m not going to do the dishes. i had to remind myself that i am not lazy or dirty just because i don’t want to wash the dishes right now. i am tired and simply don't feel like it. and thats enough of an excuse. i don't have to do anything i don't want to especially because i set the rules in my home! my hime is a safe space for me and why should i let that little voice live here! it doesn't!!! thank u to me for giving myself grace and kindness when i don’t feel well. thank u.

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the urge to just randomly post a bunch of stuff is very strong today. i think i just feel like talking a bunch. i have therapy in a bit tho so maybe that’ll make me tired.