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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 1 year ago

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A Twist of Fate: No Hard Feelings**^

Thank you everyone for your patience. Here is Part 2 to this star-crossed lovers story. This part really focuses on the break down of the relationships so it can be angsty. Part 3 will be the last one in this short series. READ PART ONE

Series Masterlist

Warnings: sexism, unprotected sex, argumentative and rocky relationships, drug and alcohol use, break ups

WC: 16K

…. JANUARY 2024 ….

The holiday season had been interesting for you and Sebastian. You had gone over to his family’s for the festivities and it was interesting to say the least. You felt like you had transitioned into a weird dystopian dimension after that first dinner.

Seb’s mom wanted his first meal back to be his favorite home cooked meal, a green enchilada casserole; he had been talking about it since you’d left LA. So were excited to try it, so when dinner time came and his mom, Renee, started to serve up a plate of food, you followed suit and she gave you a knowing smile. It confused you but you finished up and followed after her to the table. When Seb glanced up at you with a smile your brows furrowed in confusion; you weren’t sure why Seb was just sitting at the table if he was so excited about this meal? But soon enough you were in front of your seat and set your plate down and then sat. You glanced up when you realized it had grown uncomfortably quiet and everyone was looking at you. When your eyes met Renee’s, she was frozen with the plate she had served her husband laid on the place mat before him. It was then that you noticed that this was not a self-serve situation, you were the only woman at the table and the ladies were serving their husbands before they could sit to eat.

You were mortified. You hadn’t grown up like that, your parents were very lax with gender expectations and roles, your mom wasn’t in charge of cooking and cleaning up after your dad. They were both working so much that they both did everything to keep the household running. Besides, you had never served Sebastian his food. You had cooked for him plenty of times and sure he never cleaned up after himself (unless asked), but he had always fixed his own plates so you had no idea why he would expect it now. It was even more awkward when his sister came in right behind you just moments later and placed a plate of food before him.

“Thanks, Amy.” He smiled and she nodded and looked at you briefly, you swore there was judgement in her eyes, and then everything picked back up again.

After, that it was just awkward and tense. Seb’s mom stepped up the babying for the rest of the trip. You were shocked the amount of work this woman did for her husband and Seb. You started doing the same to blend in, but it had been too late. Christmas Day at lunch, you were heading to the kitchen to offer your help with anything when you overheard his sisters and mother talking to maybe their aunts or other cousins saying how they had all been telling Seb how selfish you were and that you couldn’t take care of him how he needed. It was impressive that just from that one incident they had already discarded you and started shit talking you to Sebastian and others. You were glad when you finally got to leave and get back to LA, but it had been days now and you were still a bit in your head.

“Hey, babe.” Seb hummed as he came into your bedroom.

“Hi.” You offered a smile before glancing back down to your sudoku book. You felt the bed dip and glanced up to see him climbing onto the bed, heading over to your side.

“How was your day?” He asked.

“It was fine. Yours?” You asked as you put down a ‘9’ in it’s designed box.

“Finished another song today, think this will be the single. It has good energy.”

“That’s good.” You hummed as you glanced up at him and when he saw he had your undivided attention he got going. Sebastian started talking about all the things they’d done and how he got inspiration for new lyrics… He’d been talking at you for an hour already, it was nearly midnight and you were tired. Then, in the middle of his story you had the urge to yawn and you did. “Oh sorry, am I boring you?” He asked with irritation and you frowned.

“No, I just yawned. S’late. I was up at 5:30am for that stupid yoga class.” You explained to him and he frowned.

“You’re being weird.” He said.

“What?”

“Ever since we got back you’ve been off.” he said and you sighed. You supposed you should just get your concerns off your chest now.

“OK, so I ummm…I overheard your mom and sisters talking shit about me on Christmas.” You said and he frowned, “And I know they were talking about me to other people and to you.” You said.

“And?” He asked, “I mean, what did you expect after that first night?” He asked you.

“What’d you say when they talked to you about me after that?”

“Nothing…just heard ‘em out. It’s better to not argue with them about their opinions.”

“And is that…is that how you expect me to be?”

“Well, I get that’s not how you grew up. Trust me, meeting your family was a culture shock for me too. But we'll get there. With a little training.” He joked, but it was ill timed, “They know there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me when we’re on more serious turf.” He assured you.

“Ummm…I don’t exactly know what you mean by that.” You said as you straightened up a bit and raised your glasses up to your head. You set your book down as well to really just ensure all of your senses were in tune as you had this conversation.

“I mean that once I move in here we’ll get you to a stage where you’ll feel more comfortable assuming the more traditional feminine role in the house.” He said and you were shocked to hear him say this.

“Traditional feminine- OK, I hope this is not what I’m thinking…”

“And what’s that?”

“You want me to wait on you like that? Like your mom and sisters?”

“It’s called acts of service.” He countered.

“Babe, i-if I just sat here all day and did nothing outside of the house, then sure! I’d do work here. Your laundry and iron, clean up after you, and fucking spoon feed you if I wanted to. But you also forget one big thing, Seb. This is my house. My name alone is on the mortgage and every other expense. You should be cleaning up after yourself in my house, especially if you invite yourself over for days at a time!” You raised your voice in frustration.

He looked so offended by what you’d said but this was something that had been frustrating you for quite a while now. Of course you wanted him over, but he just took over your space. He’d stay for days and disrupt everything, like sleep in later than you and not do the bed. Eat and pile up dishes in the sink, he’d leave his dirty laundry and towels on the ground, and he left cups everywhere! But what was most annoying was that he’d leave everything to you. And when you’d call him out on it he’d get it together for a couple days and then go back to his old ways. At first you thought it was just laziness but after spending 10 days with his family you saw that it wasn’t just laziness. Seb had an expectation that you’d soon be doting after him at all times and keeping a nice home for his comfort. He knew that if he’d left a mess you’d eventually grow tired of it and clean it up for him, which was true. But that didn’t mean you wouldn’t gripe about it, but he expected that to diminish and soon become extinct the longer you were together. That was concerning to you and you suddenly found yourself seeing him in a completely different light.

“Well, sorry for taking up your space.” He muttered bitterly as he rolled off the bed and made his way out of your bedroom.

You didn’t stop him from going, you heard the front door lock and that was that. You hadn’t seen this type of attitude from him before, he had never shared those expectations with you before so you were quite shocked to hear him say that and you still hadn’t quite processed everything he’d said. You immediately called Caitlyn and told her all about your trip and now this.

“…Oh my god, so he’s a chauvinist!” Caitlyn gasped and you hummed.

“I just can’t believe this…I mean if this is really what he expects of me then I can’t be in this relationship. Of course I believe in doing things, acts of service for your partner, but what he wants is a maid, mother, and lover wrapped up in one! No…just no.” you sighed.

“I agree. I mean, it’s good it’s only been a bit, yeah?”

“I guess so…” you sighed, “I just can’t believe this.” You muttered, your brain felt like it was about to overheat.

“I mean, he’s from a red state, friend. What did you expect?” Caitlyn said joking and then you both sputtered on a laugh. “So…what’re you thinking then?”

“I’m thinking that…” You sighed, “I saw how his mom was with his dad…I couldn’t live like that.” You explained. “I want to feel like I have a partner, not a boss at home. I can’t be with someone like that. I can’t.”

“Yeah.” Caitlyn said in understanding, “I mean, if that’s truly how he is then it’s for the best to just let this go.”

“Yeah, it wouldn’t end well.” You agreed “I think we both need to cool off a bit and then talk about it.” You said with a sigh and she agreed with you.

You were in a shit mood now and had wandered into the kitchen to grab yourself a bottle of wine and some of those Trader Joes takis. You were soon back in bed and watching a movie as you got drunk and ate your chips. You had a moment of weakness…and against your better judgement you now went on instagram and searched up Harry. You just wanted to see him going about his day, you missed him and knew he’d be so supportive right now, even seeing his smile would be comforting enough. But what you saw coming up had your heart stirring with envy instead of a fuzzy and warm feeling.

For the first time you felt entirely un-special to him. Just four years prior you’d been at the same fucking Anguillian resort frolicking about on the beaches, lazing around in cabanas, getting day drunk on fruity cocktails, and making love to your hearts content. But there he was again but with another person this time. Well, not just any person, his girlfriend, and it was making your blood boil. Was nothing sacred to this man? Did he have to recycle every single thing to lure another person in?

And then you clicked on a post and decided to just see it all and you sighed as you looked through the images of him, so gorgeously tan and buff swimming in the ocean and the final image was of her getting her pictures taken on the sand while he enjoyed the warmth of the Caribbean Sea.

“She’s not even getting in the water with you?!” You nearly shouted at your phone, “What a fucking waste of a vacation!” You grumbled. “I would get in the water with you.” You mumbled drunkenly, “No, no…I did! We went there and I did get in the water with you, no one could get us out!” You said as your tears started to streak down your face, “And we did take pictures too, a lot of them. But we went to have fun, not just to take pictures at sunset like influencers who’d never been to a beach before…” you said bitterly and then frowned.

“OK, but she’s so pretty of course she’s having her fucking picture taken instead of getting in the water with you.” You sighed in defeat. “Also it’s her fucking vacation too, so she can do what she wants with her time…” you said to yourself, rationalizing her choices and deciding not to take out your frustration with Seb on her. “I’m not being a girl’s girl right now.” You scolded yourself for your harsh judgements.

You didn’t even know each other so you had no idea how she was or what her intentions could be at all. But if Harry was with her then she had to be nice and sweet, something that you just weren’t any more. You weren’t being nice when you kissed Harry despite you both being in relationships. You weren’t nice or sweet when you blew up on Sebastian earlier and felt and thought bad things about his family. Instead you were full of spite and sadness. You felt stuck in a loop of negativity that would never end. You were lost, but you didn’t want to be. You wanted to be like you were when you were with Harry. Happy, confident, full of hope…you wanted that back. You were crying so hard and were so drunk after having half a bottle of wine that you just tuckered yourself out.

********

“Tempt fate with me, love. Just one more time.” You heard Harry’s voice purring lowly. You were covered in goosebumps as you nodded, noses nudging lightly.

“OK.” You agreed easily.

“Yeah?” He asked you, grinning wide.

“Yeah.” You agreed happily.

And then your lips met eagerly with some lingering hesitation. But after your eyes met it completely disappeared and your lips were joining again. And then you were on his lap and his hands were fighting not to grab you in places he shouldn’t, but his resolve melted away quickly and was guiding you over his lap, letting you feel his evident need for you.

Suddenly you glanced down at him and he was naked except his briefs and you were too, just your bra and panties, both of you impatient and fighting to not take it to the next level. You felt harry’s fingers gliding up your back, right up to the clasp of your bra but not daring to remove it, instead opting to just lose himself in your kisses.

“Just…mmm, wanna touch you, baby.” He whined into your lips.

“Then touch me.” You whispered back.

“Can I? Can I really?” He hummed and you nodded. He was quick to unclasp your bra and bring his hands forward to cup your breasts. When his kisses trailed down to your chest, you leaned back and let him lick at your nipple teasingly before just sucking your perked up little bud between his lips. You were getting so wet for him, grinding down harder and with more intent.

“Please…I need you. I’ve missed you.” You whimpered and he grinned up at you.

“I’ve missed you too. So fucking much.” He said quietly, “What if he comes home and-”

“Then we should be quick.” You panted and he nodded. Magically, his briefs were gone and he was guiding his hard, thick length to your entrance, holding it up so that you could sit over him and get him inside of you, “Can I?”

“Please. Yes, go.” He rushed out and you both moaned in ecstasy and relief at being connected this way once again.

You rode him slowly, getting used to feeling him deep in your guts like this from how big he was. He was panting and kissing at your neck, his fingers gripping your ass tight as he helped you move over him in ways that were beneficial to the both of you. You picked up your pace then, needing to hurry things along and he groaned against your throat.

“Fuck Y/N, you’re so fucking good.” He mumbled, “Missed you…missed your body, s’my favorite body, baby.” He muttered as he sloppily kissed your neck, “Gonna make me come. But I want t’come inside, can I?”

“Har, I-I don’t know…” you winced as he held you down, his cock impaling deep inside of you. “What about your-”

“Forget everyone else.” He interrupted, “We’re here now, s’just us. It’s us.” He appealed as he started to thrust up.“Don’t tell me you don’t want it like that.” He said, “I know you, love. Know you better than you know yourself.” He mumbled and you choked on a moan as he started to rub your clit.

“Yes, yes please come inside me.” You begged, finally giving in to what it is you wanted.

“Yeah, you want it inside you, my sexy little slut?” He questioned and you moaned and confirmed.

“Yeah, of course you do. You’re a filthy fucking home wrecker, you know that?” He muttered and when you glanced down it wasn’t Harry anymore, it was Sebastian. “Gonna throw me away like that and go after him, aren’t you?” He asked and suddenly you felt stuck in a bad way.

“Please just…” your pleasure was fading fast. He wasn’t fucking you. He was actually fully dressed, just holding you still in his lap and you were stuck there. Still fully naked though, to signify your shame over lusting after Harry.

“You’ve fucked it up with me and now you’re gonna go fuck up his life too. You selfish, greedy bitch.” He seethed with spite.

************

And that’s when you woke up and immediately started crying again. Already, your head was pounding with inhumane levels of pain from the wine you’d drank the night before. But also the shame you felt for your thoughts the night before…it was monumental and sitting on your chest heavily. You felt like you needed to apologize to them for it, that’s how guilty you felt.

Obviously, you missed Harry. You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since you’d seen each other late last year. You hadn’t even spoken since! He hadn’t made any moves to rekindle the friendship between you as much as you had insisted that that’s what it was all about. Maybe he saw you and just got lost reminiscing the old days, but when he got back home to his girlfriend and his friends he realized that everything was exactly as it should’ve been. Maybe he needed to be with you to verify whether he was going down the right path now and clearly, he was. But you were just lost…so terribly lost.

************

It was a few days later when Sebastian finally came around to talk about your relationship and he was the one to hit you with the break up speech right off the bat. He made it seem like it was all your fault for not being more accommodating to his needs as a man. You had no idea what he meant by that, but you were in no condition or place to argue with him because you had wronged him. He did go off a bit about how he should’ve listened to his sisters and dumped you the moment you came back from their house. He was angry at you for not wanting to change or make compromises for him even though it was your job as the woman to look after him and your home and that’s when you lost your shit.

“THIS ISN’T YOUR HOME, SEBASTIAN!” You shouted with anger boiling over and he stopped talking, “It’s my fucking house! My house. I bought it with my money! I didn’t buy this house because I was planning a future in it with you! I just wanted a place of my own! That’s it! We weren’t even together when I got the house! What makes you feel like you have any sort of ownership over it or me?! You come here to do laundry and charge and wash your car, using my resources without ever even pitching in. You eat my food and use my AC in the summer-”

“Well you know I don’t have the same amenities at my apartment and-”

“Then tell your mom and dad to get you a better one!” You shouted and he frowned, “You’re spoiled and inconsiderate and completely helpless, Sebastian. I can’t be with a person who can’t hold their own or even bother to google what the symbols mean on the tags of your fucking clothes so that you don’t shrink them in the dryer!”

“Well you already know so I was calling you so that you could tell me-”

“I was busy with my fucking label rep! I couldn’t pick up the phone. But the fucking point is that, like you, at some point I didn’t know! I didn’t know a lot of things! So I had to grow the fuck up and figure them out for myself! And that’s the problem with you, you don’t try to figure things out, you don’t face any problems or obstacles, you just back yourself into a corner, telling yourself that you don’t know! You make everyone else jump in and sort things out the second an inconvenience arises for you.” He was pouting now.

“Is that really how you see me? A spoiled man-child who can’t do things for themselves?”

“Yes.” You said and he chuckled.

“Who changed your tire when you got a flat? Who mows your fucking lawn when the landscapers can’t make it-”

“I can change a fucking tire, Seb! And I can mow a lawn! It’s not fucking rocket science! You insisted on doing those things for me because you said I “wouldn’t do them right”, don’t forget that detail.” You said and he shook his head.

“Well, no one ever wants to be with a know it all so…fuck you.” He said before leaving your house with a loud slam of the front door.

All you could feel was relief. It was like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders and you just wanted to run. So you did, you called up Caitlyn and you drove down to the beach and just ran and ran along the shore until you were shivering from the cold and could hardly feel your nose and lips. You were panting, struggling to take in a nice deep breath as you guys dropped down into the sand. Caitlyn being in much better shape than you wasn’t nearly as winded.

“How much did we run? Like two miles?” You asked as you swallowed thickly and she laughed.

“Try a 3/4’s of a mile…maybe a full one.” She said and you groaned and just let yourself fall back into the sand and stared up at the sky, it was slowly growing darker. You could feel your legs tingling a bit from the constant running, and as you laid there, letting all of your feelings from the past few weeks process you stopped feeling cold. “Want some water?”

“You brought water?”

“Yeah, my camelback.” She said and took it off and handed it to you. You thanked her and sucked some out of the straw before handing it back. “You good?”

“I don’t know…” you said monotonously, “No, actually.”

“Mmmm, I have a joint?” She said and you chuckled.

“Light her up.” You mumbled and she smiled and did just that.

Soon she was laying back as well as she handed you the joint while she blew out the hit she’d taken. You took your hit as well, holding just a little bit because you were so bad at smoking and it was also bad for you as a singer. You still choked on it and shot up, snatching the water from Caitlyn as she giggled at you.

“God…” you groaned before laying back down, “You know, I saw pictures of Harry on vacation with Taylor the other day…internet stalking is the fucking worst, you know that? Why would you want to do that to yourself?” You asked Caitlyn.

“Mmmm, so nothing catches you by surprise. Or at least that’s what I like about it. I mean, if it’s just speculation at least you have that possible scenario in your head and you can process it before it’s just shoved in your face randomly, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess…I was judging her for not swimming in the ocean with Harry.” You said and then started laughing, “I don’t know why that particular thing pissed me off so much!” You laughed and Caitlyn did too, “Like what’s so fucking special about swimming that just triggered me…so ridiculous.” You mumbled.

“Just a bit…” she said.

“I think I’m starting to realize that…nothing about us was really special. Like we did all the things they do now just in secret…it’s like…I’m watching my relationship with him being reenacted.” You said with welled up eyes, but you didn’t cry this time. “It’s…it’s so weird.” You hummed and then you were silent for a few minutes, passing the joint back and forth.

“Wanna hear a rumor I heard?” Caitlyn said and you turned to her in interest, “I heard from Mer that-”

“Mer Winston? You’re still friends?”

“Oh yeah, we talk all the time.” Caitlyn confirmed, “But she said that they got in a huge fight before Christmas, he came over and had this whole venting session with them over lunch one day. And she said that H had a lot of making up to do if he wanted to make it work with her.”

“I hope that wasn’t my fault.” You mumbled.

“Maybe he decided to tell her about meeting up with you.”

“Maybe…” you sighed, “We haven’t talked at all or anything like that. It was part of the deal. If things were meant to happen then they would.” You said and Caitlyn hummed.

“Maybe it’s like an apology vacation…”

“Who knows, but like…they’re there now so whatever…”

“Harry’s a bit annoying though, isn’t he? Like clingy if I recall? Like lanky ass wrapped around you all the fucking time, no?” Caitlyn asked and you chuckled and nodded.

“Yeah, sounds about right…”

“Then why wasn’t he clinging to her? I saw the pictures too, by the way…” she added and you chuckled.

“Maybe he was? But he gets nervous when he knows people are watching.” You explained. “And besides, you should be the voice of reason here, not the conspiracy theorist!” You reprimanded and she chuckled as she handed you the last bit of the joint and you declined.

“Sorry, it’s the weed.” She said and you sighed.

“Well I’m not feeling shit.” You said, still completely sober.

“You’re not doing it right, s’why.” She laughed and you huffed.

“Damaging my lungs for nothing…” you muttered.

“I assure you with how shallow your inhales are that shit didn’t reach your lungs.” She cackled and she couldn’t stop from there.

You walked back to where you parked with your arms linked together as you talked about other things. You were fine now, you just needed to get all the emotions out of your system. And well, just because your relationship had ended it didn’t mean that Harry was meant for you. Or you for him. All this meant was that Sebastian wasn’t right for you and you weren’t right for him. And as you walked along the shore you decided that you weren’t going to seek Harry out, you were going to forget about the little deal you made yourselves, that was just wishful thinking and you couldn’t set yourself up for disappointment like that. He was just so far away, it wasn’t cute, it wasn’t realistic, it was just sadistic and psychologically damaging. If you love someone you let them go.

“I know this is so gross but I have to use the bathrooms here before they close.” Caitlyn said and you chuckled and nodded and she took off for the bathrooms. You just wandered back to the concrete wall that separated the pavement from the sand. The sun was just about to disappear and it felt so perfectly poetic. It was cathartic, thinking of him while the sun set second by second. And when the last little sliver started to fade you smiled and exhaled shakily before whispering.

“Bye, Harry.”

*************

The news of your breakup with Sebastian had come swiftly to the public as the very next day Seb released a statement via an Instagram post asking for “privacy in this difficult time”. It was interesting to you because he was the one who did the dumping. But then the questions started pouring in from your manager and publicists and you confirmed that you’d broken up and explained why and they decided that they would not give him the satisfaction or even an acknowledgement with a confirmation to the media.

You did get papped outside of your preferred grocery store the week after he announced the break up and you believed it was to do with the fact that you nor your team had done a thing to acknowledge his announcement. You had a strict plan for grocery shopping as to prevent being papped or seen by too many people and the one person who knew that apart from Caitlyn was him. So it was about 9 at night and the paps were bombarding you with questions about this break up as you unloaded your groceries into the car and all you said was “Yep, Seb broke up with me.” with a bright smile. You wanted to give “Nicole Kidman divorced from psycho cult follower, Tom Cruise” vibes. You felt like you’d escaped a super shitty future. You were sure he could find someone who would happily be all the things he wanted them to be for him, but that’s certainly not what you wanted from a relationship. You did wish him well, but that was all there was to it.

Unfortunately for Sebastian, his plot with the paps backfired a bit. People were pointing out that you seemed happy and relieved about the breakup as you just carried on with life. And then that turned into speculations that he wrote that post on instagram for some compassion from the public since he had broken up with you. And yeah, that was all true, but you weren’t going to fuel the fire. The public could be your bestest friend of your greatest foe, so it was better not to try and involve the masses when possible. That’s something you had learned from Harry, regardless of whether things were good or bad, the public always had something to say and the best thing to do was not to give them any ammunition.

*************

Harry’s POV:

Harry had heard about your break up through the grapevine and his first instinct was to check up on you. It’d been a few days and he was still teetering on the edge of whether he should or not, he’d have to go through some lengths to do so, but he wanted to. Admittedly, he was already on thin ice…

When he got back from LA he was just really in his head about everything and when Tay asked what was up he was honest with her. Except the kiss, he didn’t tell her about the kiss. But he shared with her that he asked to see you. He told her that he chose to stay longer in hopes to see you again. He was honest about why he didn’t want to tell her that he wanted to hang out with you. He was honest about how much shit it stirred up in him to have run into you. Obviously, she was pissed at him, even said it was probably over, he had never seen her angry before but it came at him strong and she was gone for a few days. That’s when he took advantage to talk about all this to someone else, so he made his way over for lunch with Ben and Meredith and told them all of it.

Once it was off his chest he reached out to fix things with his girlfriend. And while she agreed to work through this with him there had been a lot of conditions given until he regained the trust that he had broken. She wanted him to remove your number from his phone because as she’d put it, he had no business trying to talk to you while you were in a relationship and while he was in a relationship. He genuinely couldn’t argue with that logic so he did right there in her face so that she could see for herself. She also wanted to understand what it was about you that made him suddenly lose all his self control. And against his better judgment he told her about you and he saw for himself how the more he spoke, the bigger the hole he dug for himself.

The holidays were a little weird, there was still some tension and it was good that she got to be around his family to distract a bit from all the hurt and anger that was still lingering beneath the surface. So when the new year came by he suggested they get out of town, have a nice little change of pace to start out their year together. And now here they were, he had just seen another post about you and Sebastian being over and he just needed to check.

“Mate, d-do you think you can reach out to Jen and get Y/N’s number?” Harry asked Tom quietly.

“Jen?”

“Yeah, Jen Lockley, her manager.” He said and Tommy sighed.

“I know that I work for you, but this is stupid, H. Is this really something you want to be doing? Especially with the situation you’re in right now.” He admonished.

“Look, her boyfriend just broke up with her, I just want to make sure she’s OK.” He explained and Tommy sighed and pulled out his phone and was typing something up before handing his phone over. It was a video of you getting papped, smiling bright as you confirmed the break up.

“She’s fine.” He assured.

“OK.” He sighed.

“Why is she so happy about it?” Tommy asked.

“I don’t know…maybe if I talked to her I’d know.”

“So this has nothing to do with you?” He asked.

“No! I just came and asked you for her number! If that’s not an act of desperation, I don’t know what is…”

“So what are you trying to do here? Are you not as happy as you let on or what?”

“I am, I just…I miss her. She was my best friend, you know? I was rocked when I saw her. I didn’t expect to feel as much as I did. I couldn’t help that, running into her was out my control.” He explained

“Yeah, I get that. But look, you’ve got someone really great right in front of you.”

“I know that…s’just, different. She’s a different person.” Harry said, “Which is great, it’s just…different.” He said again.

“Was that relationship the one that like…changed everything?” He asked and Harry nodded. Tommy had been working with Jeffrey for a while, but he and Harry only started getting close after Jeffrey and Glenne got married, he wasn’t with you by then anymore. So he hadn’t really seen your relationship like everyone else had.

“Yeah. I wanted to marry her. Have a baby with her, everything. We met when I was still in the band, she’s was there for the whole transition out of it, she helped me with my songs for my first album…we grew up together, you know? Challenged each other, encouraged each other.”

“And you ended it because?”

“We were both way too busy, we hardly had time to see each other during the last 2 years we were togther. We were doing extreme things just to have a weekend together, you know? It was draining and exhausting for the both of us so ummm…we just decided to end it.”

“Well, regardless of how you feel now, it’s over H. I just don’t want you to…to look past what you have now just because you’re clinging to the past.”

“Well what if she’s in my future?” He asked and Tommy sighed.

“If that’s really how you feel then what are you doing here with someone else? What’s the point? Just killing time until you can have the person you want?”

“It’s not like I don’t love Tay, I just…also love Y/N. I think I’ll always love her and I’ll always wonder about her. She’s the one that…got away, so it’s always going to be like this.”

“Does your girlfriend know that?”

“I think she’s starting to figure it out…” Harry sighed.

“Well if that’s how it is you still need to focus on the relationship you’re in now. You have nothing going on with Y/N, not even a friendship, so you need to be present. Turn a new page, like you promised.”

“I will. I will.” He repeated, almost as if trying to convince himself more than Tommy.

Tommy could understand why it was hard for Harry to just move on when he felt like the person that was his person was slowly pulling further and further from his reach. He believed that you could be torn between two people, love more than one person at a time, but not everyone accepted that kind of love or relationship. He didn’t think Harry would start a full blown affair with you, but for some it was worse in a way, knowing that their partner felt love for them and someone else. It couldn’t be easy for Taylor to come to terms with that; especially if she wasn’t aware that Harry even had the ability to love this way. Or that there was someone who had the ability to affect him that much that wasn’t her.

“I know this is fucking unfair of me but I really just have no control over these feelings, mate. I saw her again and it hit me like a fucking train that I love her, you know? It’s weird for me too to suddenly have all these different feelings for someone else when I thought I had moved on; it was unexpected. I even…love her in a different way than I do Taylor.” Harry explained with a furrowed brow.

“Well don’t say that to her. Ever.” Tommy advised.

“Well, I just think she’s understanding this all wrong…like she thinks that seeing Y/N raised up some conflict or doubts in me about our relationship. That I’m “torn” between options and it’s not that at all. I enjoy our relationship and I love being with her, so much, but it’s not what Y/N and I had. So I’m not looking for that in Tay nor am I comparing her to Y/N at all. Like I love Taylor for Taylor and what she does for me and how we function together. But I also love Y/N for all of what we had and all that we could possibly be. It’s completely separate…she’s still on this “emotional cheating” argument, which I get what she means. But it’s not like I’m looking for something she’s lacking, you know? I’m not even looking for anything else with anyone else. It’s just feelings.”

“Love is a big feeling, H.” Tommy said. “It’s getting messy.”

“I know and like…she just wants me to let it go and move on which is impossible. I can’t just stop loving Y/N on command, you know? If it’s going to happen it’s going to take a lot of time. I mean, I thought I was past all this until we were face to face. Who’s to say that won’t happen again 10 years from now or something?”

“Yeah, I see your dilemma.” Tommy hummed. “I mean, the fact that you deleted her number should be a good start for Tay. Show her that you’re willing to just focus on you two.”

“Yeah…”

“I mean, you get why you guys can’t even be friends, right?”

“Of course, I do. It just…it sucks.” He sighed.

************

Harry didn’t think Taylor would be keeping an eye out for you after he deleted your number, but she was. And it was late and he was tired and a little sunburnt and he just wanted to plop into bed after his cold shower, but the concerned look on her face made him realize that something was about to go down that would prevent him from resting as he hoped.

“What’s the matter, love?” He asked right away instead of waiting for her to get around to stating the problem.

“She broke up with him.” She said to him with a slightly nervous tone.

“Who broke up with who?” He asked, playing dumb.

“Y/N, with Sebastian. My friend just send this to me.” She said turning her phone to him as he came over to the bed. It was a tabloid cover with the news.

“Well good for her, he was kind of a prick.” Harry said as he climbed in.

“So you’re happy about this?”

“If she’s happy about it then yeah. And again, I’m not his biggest fan, so why wouldn’t I be?” He questioned.

“I’m sure she’s doing it for you.” She said with a slightly accusatory tone, “Does that make you happy too?” She asked him, challenging him. Harry sighed and rolled his eyes.

“She’s not doing it for me. When we talked she was telling me that they were having some issues that she was having a hard time getting past. Seems like it was coming. Maybe they both reached their breaking points.” He reasoned. But the thought did cross his mind, was she sending him a sign?

“Harry, I hate feeling this way…” she said, “This isn’t me.” She shook her head, “You know this isn’t me. But I feel…like we’re up in the air.” She repeated and he sighed.

“I’m sorry.” All he could really do was apologize. “You have no reason to feel that way though, babe. I’m not looking for anything with Y/N, love. When I said I still have feelings for her, it’s just that, they’re feelings. But we’re not gonna talk, I’m never gonna see her again-”

“You don’t know that, Harry.” She interrupted.

“Well, not on purpose, I won’t, not if you don’t want me to.” He said and she sighed.

“My whole point is that I shouldn’t have to put restrictions on you, like a child! I should be able to trust that you won’t hurt me.”

“Then trust me. I’m not going to do anything with this.” He assured and she pouted.

“What if you never stop loving her?” She asked him and he sighed.

“Babe, I don’t know…”

“Well what then? I just have to live in her shadow for however long we’re together? What if that’s my whole life?” She asked with a frown and he was getting a bit frustrated that people weren’t understanding that this wasn’t a competition for him.

“Babe, it’s not like that…you’re not in her shadow because you’re never going to be her!” He groaned and she frowned, “Let me finish.You’re not Y/N and Y/N’s not ever going to be you. It’s not a competition…I don’t want you to give me what I had with her. I like what we have now. I’m not comparing, I’m not trying to get pieces of that relationship back through you. They’re two mutually exclusive things! If I continue to be here for you how you need, and I’m faithful, and supportive, and am fulfilling all of those duties we talked about… how do my feelings for her impact us?” He asked.

“See, to me that feels like a cop out.” She said and Harry sighed.

“How?! How on earth?”

“Because you can continue loving her for the rest of your life if you want under this mentality you have! What if loving her from afar stops being enough? I don’t want to share you with someone else! That’s not what I signed up for.”

“You’re not sharing me with anyone!” He groaned.

“See that’s what you’re not getting, Harry. I know you feel you’re not and you can even make the distinction, but I can’t do that, H. I don’t function that way. How do I know that one day your mind won’t change and you’ll want to be with her instead of me since you’ve kept this channel open?” She asked.

“My feelings for you can start to change at any given moment for any number of reasons that are completely unrelated to Y/N, so-”

“You’re a dick.” She said and got out of bed and just locked herself in the bathroom.

He tried to explain what it was he was trying to convey but Tommy was right, this was getting messy. She said she’d only come out when he was out of the bedroom so he made his way to the general area of the large condo style suite they’d rented out at the resort and just laid on the couch. If there was an off-switch to loving you, Harry would’ve made use of it ages ago. It wasn’t easy to love someone who life kept pushing out of your reach. He just loved you

from afar, he reckons he always would.

…. February 2024 ….

You were at your wits end with Sebastian. It took him about a month of you two being broken up before he started trying to spark things up between the two of you again. You wanted to believe it was because he’s considered his antiquated (in your opinion) expectations of you, but your gut told you it had more to do with the fact that you were what gave him more exposure. You hadn’t really run into him anywhere during awards season or even any parties, though he had been persistent to talk to you. You’d declined and rejected him so many times, yet once again, you got home from the studio to see your assistant had left yet another fresh bouquet of roses on the console table you had by the door. You sighed and grabbed the little card that was tucked in among the greenery.

Thinking of you today, Y/N. I hope we can talk or see each other soon. I’ll be waiting.

- XO, Seb

You sighed as you picked out the little card and crumbled it in your hand. Now you had a dozen red roses you had no use for. It irked you quite a bit, like everything was though as of late. This foulness of your mood was brought on by the visit of a mutual friend a few weeks prior. They were based in London though, so you hadn’t seen each other face to face in at least three year. But when you met up, they talked about your old circle in London, and obviously that led to the mentioning of Harry and how happy he was with Taylor. They said that the pair had been traveling together a lot, and just really immersing themselves in what they had going on. Hearing that solidified your decision to just steer clear of anything that had to do with Harry. Especially if he was really focused on making things work in his current relationship, as he should! But this also reminded you that you really needed to move on and not just say you would, like you often did. You slipped out of your loafers and migrated to the kitchen to figure out your dinner when your phone started ringing and you glanced down to see it was one of the guys from the studio.

“Hey Ricky, what’s up?” You asked with some pep.

“Hey Y/N, it’s going good. We’re almost done with the single. Ummm, I was actually calling about something else though. You know how my younger sister’s in a band?” He asked.

“Yeah…” you said as you opened up your fridge.

“So they’re doing this charity concert to raise money for an emergency student fund for students in financial need at UCSD. She asked me to run the sound system and if I could rope in any friends to volunteer for the main performance last minute? They’ve got a few local bands and singers lined up and them plus a surprise guest is what they hoped. But the surprise guest decided to drop out since they weren’t going to be paid.”

“What an ass.”

“I know, they knew about it too! It’s for charity!” He said, “Obviously, they’re at a loss and don’t want the event to flop. I told my sister she had one favor a year and she called it. So I was wondering if-”

“Oh my god, you don’t even have to ask. It’s for a good cause! When is it?” You asked.

“It’s going to be on March 9th, it’s a Saturday, at the SDSU amphitheater.” He shared and she pulled her phone away to put him on speaker and look at her calendar.

“Ummm, I don’t believe I have anything lined up for that weekend…yeah, no. I’m all clear so I can definitely participate.” You assured.

“Seriously?!” Ricky asked in disbelief, “Like they can’t pay anything though. The school pitched in for some thank you gifts, that’s all.” He said and you chuckled.

“No problem. I would love to help out.”

“You’re a saint! Let me text you her information so that you can reach out to her and get the lowdown on all this.”

“Sounds good.”

“Thank you, Y/N. Seriously, thank you so much! You’re the tenth person I’ve called.” Ricky confessed.

“Ummm?” You exclaimed, face twisted in full offense, “I’m offended that I’m the tenth choice.” You chuckled, “Unless you were like calling in personal favors from like Lana or Rihanna.” You added and he chuckled.

“No…I just know you’ve been going through a bit emotionally lately, so I didn’t want to rope you into anything last minute and burden you with anything else.” He explained.

“Oh, I’m up for anything that involves singing.” You assured him and he chuckled.

“Well thank you, she’s going to be so happy about this. She’s kind of a fan…” Ricky sighed in relief and you chuckled.

“Anytime. See you tomorrow?”

“Yep. Have a good night.”

“I will. And Ricky, don’t stay too late, please.” You said and he chuckled.

“I’ll try…” he mumbled and you both chuckled before hanging up.

…. MARCH 2024 ….

Time had flown by and you had rehearsed with Alondra, Ricky’s sister, and her band the weekend before the show. You’d actually spent the weekend with them, at Marisol, their drummer’s house. You’d all slept over and they took you around to some of the low-key spots in the area. You really enjoyed spending the weekend with them, Marisol’s parents were so sweet and hospitable. But on Sunday afternoon you moved to an AirBnB that was closer to the campus and would provide you all plenty of space and privacy to rehearse later in the week. Ricky drove up on Tuesday night with Caitlyn and Melissa to stay with you for the rest of the time as well.

On Friday night you were doing your rehearsal/soundcheck at the amphitheater right before the city’s noise curfew. This was because there weren’t as many people on campus around at that hour and a larger area had already been blocked off from public access for the event. So thankfully you guys finished that quite fast and Ricky had all your settings down for the following day.

“You guys sounded so good.” Ricky assured as his arm draped around Alondra’s shoulder as you guys rallied up on the now cleared stage.

“Yeah?” She asked and he nodded with pride.

“OK, so are we getting drinks or what?” Their keyboard player, Pablo interrupted, “I need something to distract me, please.” He mumbled and you frowned, you had no idea what was wrong, but going out to get shit faced before a gig day was a poor idea.

“Well in the interest of ensuring you don’t feel like shit tomorrow, we can go to the house? We have a pool and hot tub, and I know Caitlyn has weed on her, and we can get drinks and order food?” You suggested.

“You’re really just giving away your friend’s weed?” Pablo chuckled.

“I can get her more.” You chuckled, “What do you guys say?” You wanted to ensure that whatever had Pablo so worked up didn’t make him lose control.

“I like it, let’s do it.” Alondra said and with that you were making your way over to the AirBnB.

After making your purchases and just ordering some pizza’s you guys were all hanging out in the patio enjoying the refreshing breeze of the night. Pablo was definitely a little crossed and looking quite bummed out. You wanted to ask him what was wrong, but didn’t want to seem nosy. So you headed inside to find Alondra, she had gone in to get herself some water.

“Hey, what’s wrong with Pablo?” You asked as you came into the kitchen.

“Oh, he found out that his ex-girlfriend is now dating one of the guys from another band that will be playing tomorrow, he saw her name on their guest list. They haven’t seen each other since the break up which actually was maybe a year ago. It was just a really sad time for him.” She explained quietly.

“Oh…yeah, running into an ex can be weird after so long.” You shared from personal experience.

“Yeah, they’d been together since high school, so I think the relationship had just run its course and she knew it, but he didn’t see it like that. He talked about marrying her and having kids with her all the time and she’s so sweet, but he was just really giving up on everything else to stay with her and she didn’t want that for him, so she ended it before he sacrificed too much, you know?”

“Yeah, I know how that is…” you assured. And suddenly you heard a familiar song play loudly from the outside…

“No hard feelings honey

There’ll be no bad blood

Losing your love has been hard enough

Life can be short, but life can be sweet

No hard feelings honey, the next time we meet”

Your heart shriveled in your chest because this song had been played a lot by you. The single had come out maybe a month or two after you and Harry ended things. You’d cried so much to this song, it still made you feel things, clearly. You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard Pablo and Caitlyn all singing along loudly and you and Alondra rushed outside as Ricky smiled at you guys. Pablo was sandwiched between Caitlyn and Jesse, the bassist, as a few tears streamed down his face as he sang the lyrics to “No Hard Feelings”.

“We need to add this to the set list…please!” He sniffled as he stopped singing along, “I learned how to play it a bit ago. Please….” He begged Alondra with tearful, puppy dog eyes.

“I mean, w-we can, but I actually don’t know this song, I don’t think I can get it down by tomorrow.” She explained. Pablo was not a singer, he hated it, so he glanced to Marisol who also was not all that confident in learning the song right now for a performance the next day.

“Y/N?” He turned to you, “Do you know it?” He asked you.

“She does!” Caitlyn cut in, “Sing it with him!” She pouted at you and you glanced to Pablo who looked so hopeful now and you forced a smile.

“I do. I also know the bass part.” You shared and he smiled.

“I just want her to know that I’m glad she’s happy. It hurts, but I’m so happy for her.” He said and everyone hummed in understanding and then Caitlyn’s eyes glanced to yours as you swallowed thickly. ‘SORRY’ she mouthed to you when she realized what she’d done and you just smiled at her to assure her it was fine. Even if it wasn’t, it had to be fine.

The next morning Pablo was up with you, earlier than everyone else, and with some coffee in your hands you got to figuring out an arrangement. Luckily, Ricky had brought along a guitar, bass, and travel sized amp for the work you’d be doing during the week and so you practiced on that. There was a piano in the house, so Pablo practiced on that for now. You were both so familiar with the song that it was so fast to get an arrangement set and for your guys to get it down. You had agreed on starting out the first verse/chorus with the keyboard like in the lullaby version and then you’d come in with the bass and transition into the regular studio version. You went over it a handful of times before deciding that it was perfect.

And so far, it was going perfect, the concert was sold out and the bands were doing great. People were singing along and having a nice time. You didn’t get nervous so much anymore, but it nearing the end of the show and you were waiting back stage to have Alondra call you out to play alone with Pablo.

“Thank you everyone.” Alondra spoke into the mic, “Before we wrap it up, we have just a couple more songs for you guys.” she said and the crowd cheered, “Thanks, you guys are great. Now, we’re going to bring Y/N out one more time for a special song with Pablo.” and upon mentioning your name the crowd started to cheer louder, “We hope you like this one.” She smiled and moved away from the mic.

Jesse took off his bass and handed it to you. You got it on as you walked further onto the stage. You smiled as you got it in a comfortable position and glanced to Pablo who nodded that he was ready to go. You felt your stomach swirling with nerves and nostalgia, but you had to use that to push forward. You let out a long exhale as you gave the bass a couple plucks to test the volume in your earpiece and when that was good you walked up to mic properly.

“Please be gentle with this one.” You said softly and then glanced back to Pablo and gave him one more nod as you inhaled and started to sing.

You faintly heard some gasps and coos when people recognized what you were singing before everyone fell mostly silent and just listened. The entire amphitheater started to light up with flashlights from people’s phones, making the moment feel magical as well as solemn as you sang through the first two verses. When you got to the instrumental you angled yourself towards Pablo to be able to see his cues. You then turned back to the mic as you guys got ready for the final verse, you eased out of playing the bass and went back to just Pablo playing the keyboard, letting his final note resonate as you took a deep breath as you leaned into the mic. And when your eyes shut gently to envision the words Harry’s face appeared and you knew your facade would crumble.

“The threads that kept us together were already wearing thin…” your voice faded into breathy whisper as a huge knot formed in your throat. Pablo noticed and you swallowed thickly and he slowed his tempo to let you get to the next part, “Would we ever have tied the knot? Well how long is a piece of string?” You sang sweetly as your tears started to silently streak down your face. “And for everything that ends, something else must begin…” Your voice cracked as you inhaled shakily to finish the song. The crowd cheered you on, giving you the courage to finish the song, “No hard feelings, honey. And we both will take the win.” You finished softly and you quickly turned away from the mic as a sob escaped you. The audience was so kind and generous with you two as an also crying Pablo came up and hugged you tight.

“You were so good…thank you for doing this for me.” He hummed before he let you go. Your hands squeezed his and you nodded and smiled at him before waving and walking off stage for the final time. You couldn’t even hear Alondra’s final thanks as you hurried down the steps to find a place to be alone and cry it out for just a bit before you had to face everyone again.

**************

You kind of felt like an idiot for agreeing to sing this song with Pablo over the weekend because the performance had gone viral overnight. Then, first thing Monday, the university’s media department posted a full length, HQ video of it. Obviously, the story was that you delivered such an emotional and beautiful performance because your break up with Sebastian was so fresh. A bunch of reporters and blogs had reached out for commentary and you had declined, of course. That didn’t stop Sebastian from reaching out several times trying to reconcile things between you two. It had all been turned into one big, chaotic, and raging dumpster fire.

Noticing the chaos that had ensued from his performance you were invited out to a wine bar with a couple friends just to loosen up. And on your way out you were swarmed by a small group of paparazzi, and as you tried to get through, one of the paps asked about how you were actually coping with the break up because you had seemed happy about it before. Then, another asked if the performance was for Sebastian. Maybe it was because you were a bit drunk, but you decided to give a response because you didn’t want to keep encouraging Seb.

“Look, that song is just special to me, it has been for years. And performing it kind of transported me back to that time of my life where it was my lifeline.” You explained, “There’s a lot of history with this song and a lot of feelings I had been holding in for a while came out during the performance, that’s all.” You explained, “I promise, I’m fine and everything’s good with the break up.” You assured before being tugged away by Ricky to his car as he muttered something about you not owning anyone any explanations.

****************

HARRY’S POV:

Harry was sure that everything had been going well between him and Taylor. He really had focused on her and on them and things had been going great. She had been back to her old self and then at some point over the weekend something shifted because she was a bit annoyed again and it only got worse during the week. Harry figured it was something personal because he was pretty sure that he had done nothing to illicit any type of irritation from her. But he could see she was having a hard time with not taking out any frustration on him so he decided to ask, just in case.

“Babe, is everything alright?” He asked as he strolled into the entertainment room, she’d been in there reading after dinner. When she glanced up he was met with an exasperated and somewhat angry expression and he wished he had left it alone, “Have I done something?” He followed up as he sat at the edge of cushion with her legs on it. “Please tell me if I have, I thought we were doing good.” He said as one of his hands smoothed up her ankle to her knee, this was to placate both him and her. He really needed to know because he felt like he was walking on eggshells the last few days.

“No, H. You’re…good. I’m sorry, I’m just really trying my best not to take my frustration out on you for something that I know isn’t really your issue-”

“OK, well what is it? Maybe I can help.” He offered.

“No, it’s super insignificant and stupid…”

“I think not if it has you in this state, babe.” He countered her logic. “C’mon, let me help you.” He insisted and she shook her head.

“Trust me, Harry, you don’t need to know about this.” She assured. That made him a bit annoyed because whether she meant to or not, she was being weird with him and he wanted it to stop.

“Well I think I do. You’re trying not to take it out on me but you’re still acting strange and cold and are super irritable anyway so-”

“It’s freaking Y/N, OK!?” She finally said, voice raised and laced with irritation. Harry frowned and now his anger was aimed at you. Had you said something to Taylor? He couldn’t see a world in which you would, but maybe you had. And well whatever it was, it had to have been really personal for her to be reacting like this and being upset over it for days now.

“OK? Did she do or say something to you?” He asked and she sighed.

“No…not directly, but she…she’s doing a bad job at fixing that stunt she pulled over the weekend and-”

“What? What stunt?” He asked. He really had completely blocked out anything about you because he didn’t want to make Taylor feel like he was keeping tabs on you or his options open. So he truly had no idea what you had done or were up to recently.

“She sang at some college charity show and she sang this song…but she did it on purpose because the song’s about you! It’s a break up song about seeing your ex again!” She insisted. Harry’s curiosity was piqued. What song had you sang that she was so sure it was about him?

“Maybe it was about her recent break up, babe.” He tried to think of anything else that would make her let this go and not worry about it so much.

“Not according to what she told the paparazzi yesterday.” She added and Harry sighed but couldn’t prevent the chuckle that slipped past his mouth.

“Oh my god, love…since when do we care about anything the paps have to say? Hmmm?” He asked and she sighed.

“There’s video.” She informed. “I’ve seen it…multiple times, much to my misfortune” she shared and upon hearing this Harry felt defeat overcome him. He needed to choose his next words carefully, because it was something that might upset her further, but she needed to hear.

“Look, I know you have every right to be wary of this and even to doubt me, but babe, this has gone too far. Way too far.” Harry stated his concern and she sighed, the same defeated look over her face.

“I know, babe. I know it has.” She admitted.

“I just…I’m trying to understand it, babe.” He sighed with confusion, “All this time I’ve been putting all of my focus on us and improving our relationship, like I told you I would. And honestly, t’s feeling like you hardly notice or care for it all because all you do is obsess over my ex!” He explained his feelings, evidently quite forlorn.

“The ex you still love, H.” She reminded him of that pertinent detail. Harry nodded in understanding and scoffed out a defeated laugh.

“Tay, I can’t do anything else to prove to you that I love you and am committed to you. I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to get you to just be here again. Please, just be here with me.” He beckoned she blinked rapidly as she drew her eyes up to the ceiling.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind too.” She confessed softly, “I promise I’m trying to move past this, H. I am. But honestly, I’m starting to think that maybe I just…can’t.” she confessed and he nodded silently. “I see the effort, babe. Thank you for it, I appreciate it, I promise you, I do.” She insisted, “I just…kind of wish you had never said anything to me about this…” she confessed. Harry was feeling that way too. He should’ve just made something up about why he was acting strange.

“I think I’m just going t’go to bed. Sleep on it, hopefully wake up feeling a bit more optimistic about this than today.” She said and he nodded as she got up from he couch.

“I love you, sleep well.” He said. She leaned over him and kissed his forehead and gave him a smile before leaving him alone.

Harry felt super shit now. He had fucked up a catastrophic amount. He truly did regret being honest about the situation with you. He should’ve kept it to himself because now things were just getting weird. Sure, he was a bit annoyed with Taylor’s recent hobby of stalking you, but he couldn’t blame her or label her insane for it, he had done that to her. And for the first time he truly questioned what it was that he had gone and done with you. She didn’t deserve to doubt herself or their relationship like she was now. They were both having a miserable time and it was entirely his fault. He wasn’t sure what to do from here, he didn’t even know if there was anything he could do to help fix this.

*************

It took Harry a few days before he decided to look up the videos Taylor was talking about to see for himself why she was struggling so much to let this one go. But when he saw the video of you singing “No Hard Feelings” with so much emotion he knew it had nothing to do with Sebastian. He had to force down the growing lump in his throat and blink away the tears accumulating in his eyes, this felt like a goodbye from you almost and it confused him. The emotion was definitely tangible even weeks later though a screen, he could understand why it was haunting Taylor. And then he saw the pap video she mentioned, he couldn’t agree that what you had said was damning evidence, but if she felt that way, what could he do? He wasn’t going to tell her he watched them. They did make him want to call you though, but of course he’d leave it alone and decided against it, both for his and Taylor’s sake.

Instead, he called Caitlyn, he needed to see what in the world you had been thinking when you decided to do that. He was genuinely curious. Of course, he first texted her to let her know he wanted to talk when she could. He didn’t want to just spring a call on her and risk you being there. And finally, the time they had agreed to talk had come and she was calling him. He strolled out to his back yard, taking advantage of the evening breeze while Taylor got ready. They were going to Mitch and Sarah’s place for dinner in a bit.

“Hey, Har!” Caitlyn greeted him energetically for her time of day.

“Hiya.” He greeted, “You sound chipper.”

“Just came in from a jazzercise class.” She explained and he chuckled.

“Oh shit, did it go well?”

“Yeah. It was really fun. How are you? How’s it going?”

“I’m alright, but it’s been a bit…tough.”

“Did something happen?”

“Well I told Taylor about seeing Y/N, so I’ve been making up for that…but I guess there was a show a couple weeks ago and she sang a song that has her a bit upset. She feels like Y/N did it on purpose I guess, to like…bait me in or something. And then she said some bit about it being important to her in the past and that’s kind of what…made Tay just lose it a bit.” He explained and Caitlyn hummed.

“Well, the song wasn’t to bait you, it’s kind of my fault she ended up singing it. The guy she played it with found out his ex was going to be at the show with someone else just the night before and he wanted to sing it for her. It was very last minute…she was the only one who knew the song well enough to pull it off with him the very next day. I volunteered her and put her in a difficult position where she couldn’t really decline…I knew she knew the song because she did listen to it a lot after…I didn’t know it would…affect her like that though.” She explained sadly, “I’m sorry it caused trouble for you, H.” Caitlyn apologized.

“It’s alright, Cait.” He assured. Now that he understood the context he felt relieved. He knew you weren’t a petty person like he could be, and he was a bit upset at himself for even considering that you would actually do something on purpose to bait him or cause turmoil in his relationship.

“I just feel awful…as you probably know now, she’s gone viral for it and it’s caused her some problems. It was such a vulnerable moment that she didn’t expect either so I know she hates that it’s kind of blown her up a bit.”

“I mean, she sounded incredible and it was just so sincere. Of course everyone’s obsessed with it.” He said with understanding.

“Yeah. She just feels really exposed, I think. And also, when she said that to the pap, about it being something form her past, she was super drunk. She called me the next morning asking if it sounded as awful as she felt it did, which I personally don’t think it did. But I mean, I could understand why Tay’s feeling upset about this.” Caitlyn said and Harry nodded.

“Yeah…I just don’t know what I can do to…fix this.”

“That bad?”

“Yeah…a few days ago she said that she wasn’t sure if she could get past all this. I don’t blame her…it’s a lot to get past.”

“Well what did you say to her when you told her about Y/N?”

“I…admitted that I still had feelings for her.” He sighed and Caitlyn did as well, “But like, I didn’t even know that for sure until she was right in my face. Like I knew I missed her, but just being with her again, it just brought everything that I’d been repressing up to the surface. I regret being honest with Tay, about it all.” He sighed, “She regrets it too apparently. Wishes I never said anything.” He added with defeat.

“Well it is quite a lot to get through. Especially if she knows you still have deep feelings for Y/N. It can be scary thinking that you’ve given your whole heart to someone only to discover that you’re not the only one they love.” She explained “She might feel like a place holder until you and Y/N can get back together.”

“Well she’s not. I love her too.”

“I know, but that just doesn’t work for some people, H. Maybe this is what’s supposed to happen.” Caitlyn said and he sighed.

“I never meant to hurt anyone like this…”

“Well, it’s collateral damage. There’s always going to be someone who gets hurt. S’why I was warning you guys to be careful with this.” She reminded and he hummed.

“Did she end things with Seb for me?” He asked after a beat of silence.

“No. They went to his family’s for the holidays and as it turns out they function under this idea that men’s love language is acts of service, as in, women should wait on us hand and foot while we sit around with our dicks in our hands…” she said with some disdain still feeling salty about the whole thing.

“Get out…” he groaned with secondhand embarrassment for the male species as a whole.

“It was a whole thing…his sister’s and mom were talking shit about her for it after the first night. She knew he was babied by his mom, but not that she was like his fucking PA! Either way, when they got back they talked about it and he basically said that she’d ease into it and learn how to treat him and take a more feminine role in their home as their relationship advanced or some shit like that…and she was like “umm, you should be cleaning up after yourself because it’s actually my home”, and he got all sensitive about that, the fucking free loader…” Caitlyn said.

“God…good for her though. I’m glad she stuck up to him.”

“Yeah, and well, he actually broke up with her…she’s not upset about it or anything. Just more annoyed really as now he’s trying to win her back, but she’s just ignoring him.”

“Good. That’s good to hear. When I heard about the break up I wanted to reach out but I can’t.” He explained.

“Yeah, I’m glad you’re seeing that. Especially with the situation you’re in.”

“Well that, but like I literally cannot. Tay asked me to delete her contact in case I got tempted to reach out again and I did, so I don’t even have her number anymore.” Harry let out a breathy laugh and after a few moments he inhaled and started to cry. Caitlyn frowned and tutted as she heard him breaking down.

“Harry, hey…” she cooed, “What’s the matter?”

“Ugh…nothing. I think I’ve just been holding that in.” He sniffled, “I kind of hate myself for making Taylor go to these lengths…I know she hates doing that kind of stuff too. And Y/N…god, why is she always on my mind. I can’t shake her, Cait. I just can’t…if I could change my heart I would. I know that it’s hurting us more than helping us.” He sniffled.

“If it helps to know, I think she’s made peace with the fact that you’re with the best person for you.” She said and hearing that physically hurt him, it made his chest tighten up and feel hollow at the same time. “I know it hurts her sometimes but she’s genuinely really happy for you, H. She truly is. So give it your all, yeah? Make this right.” Caitlyn said and he sniffled.

“OK. Thanks, Cait.”

“Anytime, H.” She assured him.

“I know you’re best friends and all, but just keep this between us, yeah?”

“Of course.” She assured, “If there’s anything I can do at all just let me know, OK? Or just listen if you need it.”

“Thank you. Bye.”

“Bye.” She said and they hung up.

Harry felt like a full blown asshole. He had hurt the two people he was in love with and now he had to choose. He had hoped that things cleared up on their own, but they were as murky as ever. It shouldn’t be hard to just choose the person he was with, but it was. It felt like he was losing. Well, who was he kidding, he had already lost you.

…. MAY 2024 ….

It was the night of the MET and you had just finished getting your hair and make up done for one of the after party’s. Caitlyn was your +1 to the parties and was more than excited to be tagging along with you for her first ever met. You’d been invited before, when Harry hosted, but you just laid super low. You even left his after party early because you had a work event in LA the next morning. Being the man of the hour you didn’t really see much of him that entire night. You did kiss him goodbye, but he was balls to the walls high on you weren’t even sure what, and that was that. This time, you were invited without any internal connections, but you were sure it was because you were still riding on that viral wave. You weren’t going to go, you didn’t want to keep calling attention to yourself. But your manager and friends insisted that you needed this, just to have a fun night out without cameras. And well, that was true, there were never cameras at these things, just outside.

“You ready?” Caitlyn asked you as you looked over your reflection one more time.

“If they’re where we are, we’re leaving.” You said and Caitlyn nodded in agreement.

You had been strategic and decided to party hop to decrease the likelihood of you running in Harry and Taylor after learning that they were attending together. You were feeling good, you’d successfully made it through two of the three parties you had been invited to and having a blast. Normally, you’d be dying to get home, but you had taken some E as you were leaving the first party in hopes to have endurance for the next two parties. You felt floaty and happy and tingly under its influence. You could quite literally feel the music around you, the hard hits of the bass tickled from the soles of your feet and up your legs. You were surrounded by people, probably in a similar state as you, dancing through their highs with racing hearts.

And through all the dancing and euphoria you were making out with someone. It was in a dark corner and you had no idea who it was. All you knew was that your mouths were moving together eagerly. Suddenly, you were being tugged away, much to your dismay, because it did feel very nice especially while you were under this high.

“Cait…” you huffed as she apologized to the person you were with as she dragged you away.

“I think it’s time to go.” She said against your ear as she chuckled and you mumbled something about not wanting to go yet. “Babe, I just saw Harry and Taylor across the bar. We should go.” She said to you and that made your heart tighten and ache.

Your smile dropped and you glanced around the busy room. When you heard a British accent behind you, you whipped around hoping to see Harry, but it was someone else. Then, you thought you heard his laugh and you turned in another direction, but maybe it was just in your head. You were at the peak of your high, so things were very murky. And as you looked for Harry, that nice feeling was starting to turn ugly. Caitlyn realized what was happening and grabbed your face in her hands and your gaze met hers for a few seconds.

“Hey, they’re all the way across the room. They’re nowhere near here.” She assured and you nodded.

“I need to use the bathroom before we go.” You said and she nodded.

“OK, c’mon.” She said grabbing your hand and guiding you through the crowd and to the bathroom. “Give me your bag, I’ll call your car. I’ll be right over there by the security check.” She pointed and you nodded a few times as you handed over your purse.

You walked into the bathroom and the white lights over the sink were far too bright for your overly dilated pupils. You hurried into a stall and struggled a bit with getting your dress enough out of the way so you could use the bathroom. And as you sat in the stall alone with your thoughts you started to feel cold and trembly. Your ears were ringing in the relative silence of the bathroom and you felt like the stall was starting to get smaller. You sped things up and hurried out to wash your hands, trying your very hardest to ignore your erratic heartbeat and the churning of your stomach. You didn’t even bother with drying your hands, you just smeared them against your dress as you rushed out of the bathroom. You were ready to get out of this situation before it brought on a full blown bad trip.

But you came to a screeching halt when you saw Harry chatting animately with Rita Ora and Taika Waititi just a few feet away from you. They were laughing, heads knocked back in enjoyment. You were frozen for a few seconds as reality caught up to you and you glanced around for Taylor. She wasn’t in your line of sight yet, you’d wait in the bathroom. You took a few unsteady steps back before deciding that was the best course of action. You twirled around and hurried back, your heart was hammering in your chest and your breathing was completely shallow. You felt your body trembling like a dying leaf in the wind and your stomach was twisting as you stumbled back into the bathroom. Much to your misfortunate, you were met with Taylor drying her hands. You sighed shakily, about to turn back around but she glanced over with a lovely smile, but when she realized it was you it dropped entirely from her face in a moment. You turned around to leave again but then remembered Harry was actually right outside.

“You were with him just now, weren’t you?” She asked you with a frown and disappointment drenching her tone.

You suddenly felt sick to your stomach and you whipped back around and rushed past her into a stall and just started to throw up. You felt completely overwhelmed and overstimulated. Feeling as much as you did now was not to your benefit. But you were more than grateful to hear her footsteps receding as you spat out the sour taste from your mouth. You wiped your mouth with some toilet paper and flushed away your mess, trying your best not to get sick again just from seeing the mess that had come out of you. You were alone now and took your time to rinse your mouth and your hands, hoping they’d go before you had to face them again.

***************

HARRY’S POV:

Harry glanced over to the hallway for the bathrooms to see Taylor coming out with an unreadable expression on her face. He was still smiling from the laugh he had just had with Rita and Taika before they headed out.

“You were with Y/N. Weren’t you?” She asked with an accusatory tone and he looked baffled by this accusation.

“Babe, no. I’ve been standing here this whole time-”

“Well then why did she get one look at me and get sick?” She asked with confusion and a frown on her face. Harry’s face scrunched with concern.

“I didn’t.” He said and she looked skeptical, “I swear!” He insisted and she rolled her lips together for a moment.

“I want to leave.” She said decisively and he nodded.

“OK.” He nodded, “I-is Y/N alright though? Does she need any help or-” Taylor walked off towards the exit leaving him mid sentence. He was reluctant as he followed after her and glanced back down the hallway of the bathroom before rushing after Taylor who was practically out the door now. He was making his way towards the exit when he saw Caitlyn standing by the door on her phone. Surely she’d come along with you. Taylor hurried outside and Harry stopped for a moment to greet Caitlyn.

“Cait!” He called her name and she glanced up and her eyes widened and she glanced around quickly before she smiled at him as he came up and hugged her.

“Hey! How are you?” She asked as they pulled away.

“M'alright. Ummm, Y/N had a run in with Tay in the bathroom.” He said and Caitlyn frowned.

“Oh, sorry.” She said glancing over to Taylor who was now looking at them expectantly. She offered a smile and Taylor returned it before quickly glancing down to her shoes.

“She said something about Y/N getting sick. Maybe you should go check on her if she hasn’t texted you.” He said.

“Oh shit, thank you. I actually have her phone with me, we’re waiting for her car.” She explained.

“Then yeah, please check on her.” He said and she nodded.

“Yeah, she’s pretty fucked up too. But ummm, is that why you guys are leaving?” She asked and he nodded.

“Tay thinks I spoke to her…which I didn’t. I didn’t even see her tonight, I swear it.” He said and she nodded.

“I know, Harry. I believe you.” She assured and he sighed.

“Thank you.” He said and she smiled at him with sympathy.

“Alright, now get going.”

“Please, make sure she’s OK.”

“I will.” Caitlyn smiled and they kissed cheeks before he hurried out.

Taylor watched as Caitlyn hurried back inside and then turned into the hallway that led to the bathrooms. She swallowed thickly and hugged her arms around herself when Harry tried to grab her hand when he came up beside her.

“I didn’t speak to her, babe.” He insisted again with frustration. “Did she say something to you?”

“No.” She responded monotonously. “Just call the car, please.” She said and he nodded and did just that, “Five minutes.” He informed her once he hung up and she nodded.

A few moments later Caitlyn was rushing you out of the venue, but even the chatter outside didn’t mask the sharp inhales of you trying to breathe through your crying. You two hurried past him and Taylor and into the car that was now waiting by the curb. She opened up the door for you and helped you get settled in the car. Harry found himself taking a few steps towards you but stopped himself. He wanted to see you, even if it was just for a second. But Caitlyn scooted in behind you and mouthed one final ‘thank you’ before shutting the door so that you could take off.

The car ride back to his hotel was tense and uncomfortably quiet. He genuinely didn’t think that Taylor had any reason to be upset tonight. This was a huge event, lots of people were bound to be there. And still, he hadn’t seen or even spoken to you once in the entire time. He didn’t think it was wrong that he was concerned for you when she told him that you’d gotten sick. He would’ve been concerned for anyone who was in that position, especially at a party like this where he knew there were drugs and alcohol around. He tried not to be upset at her though because he had no idea what was going on in her head that made her upset.

When they got into their hotel room she immediately slipped out of her heels and headed into the bathroom. He heard the door shut and then the shower come on. He made his way over and listened through the wood to see if she was crying, but she wasn’t. At least there was that. Maybe she just needed to cool down from the situation because truly there was nothing that he did wrong. He debated for several minutes whether he should call Caitlyn to check on you or not. And who was he kidding, he needed to check in.

“Hey H.” She answered him right away, “Don’t you worry, she’s alright. She’s just having a shower now.” Is the first thing she said and he smiled a bit.

“Good. Nothing bad happened right? With Tay?”

“No. She said that when she was leaving the bathroom she walked out and saw you waiting in front of the hallway, so she hurried back into bathroom. Y/N didn’t want to stir up any trouble by saying hi or just being near you if Taylor was around. But when she came back into the bathroom, kind of in shock from seeing you right there, Taylor was there and she asked if you’d just been together, that’s all. And well, Y/N said she just felt trapped and got anxious from the fucking molly she took and just got sick. She was just crying because you know how much she hates throwing up. Not because you were with your girlfriend.” She assured him.

“Yeah.” He smiled as he recalled this detail about you, “The throwing up is probably why Taylor thinks we spoke. Just from her reaction to the question, I guess.”

“Maybe so…but in all honesty, we party hopped all night because we were trying to avoid you. And when I saw you guys when I went to the bar I told Y/N we needed to leave.”

“Oh…” he said with some hurt radiating through his chest.

“Yeah…S’just that after we spoke last time I just didn’t want to give her any reasons to doubt you or to think Y/N was meddling or something. Obviously, Y/N doesn’t want to ignore you, but she also doesn’t want to complicate things for you. But…”

“Shit happens.” Harry sighed.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m glad she’s fine. She’s coming down alright?”

“Yeah, she’s good so far. I’ll take good care of her.” Caitlyn assured him.

“I know you will.” He smiled.

“And are you alright?” She asked him.

“I think so…we haven’t spoken about it yet, so we’ll see. I just- I don’t want you guys to think Taylor’s a bad person for this. She’s not usually like this.” He explained.

“We don’t, H. She’s just navigating this situation the way it comes, you know? She has every right to feel apprehensive.”

“Yeah. Thank you for understanding.” he sighed.

“Of course.” She responded.

“Well thanks for answering, I just want to check in. And I’m sorry if we ruined your evening…” he apologized with a regretful sigh.

“Who are you talking to?” Harry heard from behind him and he glanced back to see Taylor wrapped up in her towel.

“My friend Caitlyn.” He said and she looked skeptical.

“It’s cool, H. Go deal with that.”

“Thanks. Good night.” Harry said before hanging up. He stood and then handed his phone over to her to see the call history. “See.”

“But Y/N is with her.”

“She was in the shower.” He said and she bit her lip, “I didn’t talk to her. I didn’t even see her until they walked out, babe.” He said.

“And why are you apologizing for ruining their evening? Now we have to walk on egg shells to protect her feelings?” She asked him and he sighed.

“No, I’m apologizing for that because they had been party hopping all night precisely to avoid running into us and causing you to think something was up.” He said signaling between them and she frowned.

“Is that how you’re telling it to people? That I’m just angry about your ex?” She asked him.

“No! I mentioned to Caitlyn the thing that you told me before about the song and the paps. I just needed to be sure that Y/N wasn’t trying to get a reaction of me or you. I know she’s not like that, but when people are upset they can sometimes do things that are out of character.” He said looking to her, hoping she’d catch his drift. She scoffed out a laugh and headed back into the bedroom. “Babe…” he sighed as he sat on the bed as she dug her pajamas out in silence. “Did you confront her about being with me tonight?” He asked her.

“I’m not going to feel bad for that, Harry. I wasn’t rude about it, I just asked.”

“I’m sure you weren’t but-”

“She was probably going to though-”

“For fucks sake! She was running back into the bathroom to avoid having to run into me!” He shouted, “She saw me and decided to wait in there until I was gone. She’s the one walking on fucking egg shells as if she’s the one driving the wedge deeper and deeper into our relationship!”

“So you’re saying this is my fault?” She asked him with a confused frown and he sighed.

“Tonight, yes.” He said. “I have…done what I can. Everything you’ve asked to try and make this work, to make it better. To have you believe me-”

“Harry, she’s still in love with you!” She shouted in exasperation.

“And what?! She’s happy for me! She’s happy for us! She didn’t delete my number and hasn’t reached out at all! Look at the fucking lengths she tried to go through tonight just to ensure that we weren’t uncomfortable! For fucks sake, just let it go! Please!” He was panting from how frustrated he was. He swore that smoke was blowing out of his ears as all of his pent up frustration reached its boiling point. He felt that he had been as understanding and as patient as possible, but it had been months of the same thing. She bit down on the inside of her cheek for a few moments. “I’m sorry for shouting at-”

“I think we both know that this has been over.” She said softly and his chest tightened. “I don’t like myself anymore.” She said with a frown, “I hate feeling insecure in us or just like I’m second best.” She sniffled. “I know you’ve never said that to me but just the fact that your heart’s in two different places makes me feel that way. Believe me, I have been trying to not let it bother me or just to understand how this can work for you, but I can’t.” She explained.

“I’m so sorry.” He apologized and she shrugged. “I never meant to make you feel that way. I just…I wanted to be honest with you, I felt bad for keeping that from you-”

“I know. I think you did the right thing in telling me but…I just, I can’t make peace with that.”

“I get it. I do love you, though. You have to know that.”

“Yeah. But not like you love her.” She said and he sighed, “Babe, if you loved me like you love her then keeping your distance wouldn’t feel like a sacrifice to you. And clearly that’s how you see it. Even now, instead of checking on me you called your friend to check on her? I mean…” she let out a sardonic laugh.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to check on you, I just figured you wanted some space.” He explained.

“So you check on me and ask if I need space, H.” She argued and he swallowed thickly and nodded.

“You’re right.” He said.

“H, I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t even recognize myself.” She said with a frown, “Like I…I feel like I’m losing myself in trying to keep you and I’m not okay with that. I’m sorry.” She sniffled and he nodded.

“Don’t be sorry. I get it. It’s my fault.” He said with a sad smile.

“Yeah.” She whispered and bit down on her lip. "No hard feelings?" she asked and he shook his head.

"Of course not." he smiled.

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