#spoof writing

[cuckooclocktopus]

lottieshauna is so funny to me its like: AITA? I (F17) am pregnant and giving birth to my child. For context, I had sex with my best friend's boyfriend and it killed her in the process. I now have to perform a live birth in the middle of nowhere due to my plane crashing with several of my teammates. So, my teammate (F17, let's call her L) has been weirdly obsessed with my baby. She keeps whispering to it while I'm asleep, and insisting that it's "our" baby. It almost sounds like she wants to father my child??? The other night, L was going on one of her tangents and I yelled at her to stop obsessing over my baby. Everyone, including my friend is mad at me for snapping at her. I don't see how I did anything wrong. Does anyone else find her behaviour weird?

[grounded-gryphon]

WIP Wednesday - Spoofed Phones and Sugar Swans

Nightwing waited until Oracle gave him the 'go', then started grappling across Crime Alley. With O's eyes on and Hood's 'invitation, he didn't have to worry about an ambush, which was good. As planned, he arrived at the meeting location a few minutes after D-- the Ghost King and his people. And Hood, who was with them again, actually standing with them them this time and not off on his own.

Okay then.

Nightwing nailed his landing and put his grapple away. To his relief he could still hear Oracle over comms. The extra EMP shielding was still working.

"Your Majesty," Nightwing greeted the young monarch. "Hood." He gave a nod to each of the others on the rooftop. Tucker, Sam, Jazz… Focus, Nightwing.

"Nightwing," Hood returned.

"Thanks for coming," the Ghost King began, sounding a bit awkward. "I was hoping for...a bit less formality with this meeting."

[novelties-and-notions]

FLOSTRE [to the scruffy dummy on his knee]: Tell me Aristotle, among all your groundbreaking contributions to philosophy, what would you say was the greatest?

ARISTOTLE: Greatest contribution?

FLOSTRE: Among the many.

ARISTOTLE [thinks hard]: Swallows!

FLOSTRE: Your greatest contribution to philosophy was swallows?

ARISTOTLE: Yep. What I said about swallows.

FLOSTRE: Now I remember. Weren't you the first person to say that one swallow doesn't make a spring?

ARISTOTLE: Yep, that was me. Greatest contribution.

FLOSTRE: Have you anything to add to it?

ARISTOTLE [thinks some more]: Get two swallows together, and they'll make you a spring.

FLOSTRE: You're saying that two swallows make a spring, then?

ARISTOTLE: Don't know how they do it, but it happens every year.

FLOSTRE: Fascinating. And didn't you claim that at the end of the summer, the swallows turn into fish and burrow into the mud at the bottom of lakes and rivers?

ARISTOTLE: Nope. Never said that.

FLOSTRE: Everyone thinks you did.

ARISTOTLE: Think I said they turn into fishes? Nah!

FLOSTRE: What did you say about the swallows, then?

ARISTOTLE: Just that they shed their feathers and hide in cavities for the winter.

FLOSTRE: Is there any proof of that?

ARISTOTLE: What sort of proof?

FLOSTRE: You could have gone out in the winter and looked for some featherless swallows in cavities, n'est-ce pas?

ARISTOTLE [looks surprised]: Gone and looked for them?

FLOSTRE: Bien sur

ARISTOTLE [thinks for a long moment]: Never thought of that.

FLOSTRE [containing his exasperation]: Well if you had, you wouldn't have found any, because we know that swallows fly to Africa for the winter, and return each year in the spring.

ARISTOTLE: Africa? Where's that?

FLOSTRE [sarcastically]: South of here.

ARISTOTLE: Down Basingstoke way?

FLOSTRE: A lot further south than that.

ARISTOTLE: Sounds like a long way to go.

FLOSTRE: Thousands of miles.

ARISTOTLE: Don't know why they didn't stay here and hide in cavities. Plenty of cavities in Basingstoke, too.

[iwasjoking]

making an apocalypse AU.

My brain rot has manifested itself as a shoddy pic of Nightbeat after I took a personality test and came out as him.

I FORGOT THAT I BIT MY FINGERS LIKE HIM (sorta- Get antsy and stuff?)

Read till all are one. Cried

Went back to reading. Cried some more.

brainrot went and attacked me again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

[captainzigo]

Luster Dawn should've been the first villain of G5

Opaline is fine, but Luster is WAY more interesting as a potential villain

Then again, maybe I'm just salty over Luster being forgotten about after G4

now personally i don't think she is evil. i think she's just a loser. also i dont know if timelines line up for her to be a bad guy in g5 unless she is extremely old, or immortal somehow.

however

that would be awesome if she was evil. or at least misguided. i think her evil plan / evil ways would be unethical friendship experiments. like forcing people to be friends to power a laser. figuring out how to put friendship in jars for later. studying friendship in a lab and putting the test subjects through like science rat mazes. kidnapping people to study their friendship. using friendship magic for evil stuff. making people do weird shit to harvest their friendship more efficiently. that kind of thing.

and in the process of defeating her people would have to like convince her subjects that their contrived super friendships aren't healthy. or that friendship is cooler when a machine isn't sucking it out to use for evil. or even that their friendships are cool, but that they're being used to hurt people.

at first our heroes might even help her because some other threat vaguely justifies having more powerful friendship magic. and the experiments would start out being ethical and kinda cool. like learning how to be better friends by putting it to the test in a lab. or just general social studies. but the whole time leading up to them realizing she is evil, she'd always be ready to take things too far.

she would be unstoppable by even super friendship magic because she would have some of her own. she would keep a few friends of hers in a bunker somewhere to power her with their friendship. she would keep them in a plato's cave truman show style situation. every so often she would visit them to foster their relationship and like give them a bunch of gifts and love. and they would have no idea what she did when she left their cave. a little friendship cult to make her immune to the the-elements-of-harmony-were-just-symbols style friendship blasts even when all else fails.

she's described as twilight's best student, and that's certainly not because of her friendship skills. and if we pretend that that must include starlight, then that probably makes her the most powerful unicorn of all time. so if she goes super freak style with the friendship alchemy then she'd be unstoppable. beating her would mean they'd have to go rainbow power again but this time it's like nebula power, or aurora borealis power or something like that. which would be great for toys

I’ve always thought it would be cool to have a my little pony villain who was like doing friendship, the right way, and had all of this friendship magic stuff as a result, but was also bad and evil. and like the whole lesson can be like some people can be really good friends or even do really nice things and even be really nice people but still do bad things and stuff like that. a lesson I’m sure they’ve had before, but they’ve been going for nine seasons. What lessons haven’t they had. I think luster is a good candidate for this role based on her like two lines from the finale lol.

[abhainnwhump]

Whumpee gets an invite to a party hosted by Whumper. Whumper is their crush they've been longing for for months, so this is the dream. But when Whumpee gets to the event, there's nothing there. Not lights, not other people, nothing. It was all a lie to humiliate Whumpee.

[wander-wren]

i want to know who has the most fics and who has the most words published on ao3. i doubt they’re the same person and i want to know.

[quibble-auk]

@thebrokenmechanicalpencil

Horns and Razors AU

This is just spoof. I did not take it seriously. It should not be taken seriously by anyone.

Ever since we talked about comet having to go through sex ed with Theremin I’ve just had this spinning around loosely in my head.

—

Cometeater slowly padded his way to Theremin’s door, knocking on it lightly with his cub, Sunrazor, in hand. The sparkling squirmed in his grasp, trying to worm her way out. The pretender sighed as he waited for someone to answer the door. He could faintly hear someone moving behind the door.

“I don’t wanna! Let me go with you!” The child in his arms pouted, holding aggressively to the larger frame.

Comet sighed again and shook his head, knocking a bit louder. He looked down at the grouchy sparkling that clung to him, “No, I’ve got a match, your going to stay with Theremin and Dropmix.”

The small guardian glared at him—which, unfortunately for her, was adorable—and shook her head defiantly, “No! I don’t wanna!”

He shook his head, flicking the whining sparkling lightly on the forehead as he raised his hand to knock on the door again. He could hear more frantic shuffling on the other side. “You like hanging out with them, last time you didn’t want to leave.”

“But I wanna stay with you!” The child whined again. She dramatically threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him. “I can help!”

Comet groaned, rolling his eyes, his tone slightly playful. “Oh yeah, because an ankle-biter like you is really what I need in the middle of a match.”

She gasped, offended as she pushed away from him. Her voice cracked as she exclaimed, “I don’t bite ankles!”

He arched a brow at her, not convinced. His expression falling into a deadpan that could rival Dropmix’s. “You bit Sunstreaker yesterday.”

Sunrazor grumbled, hiding her face against his neck. “That doesn’t count.”

The green gladiator opened his mouth to retort—because this was a conversation they had every single time he had to go—but was cut off by the door abruptly opening.

A very frazzled Theremin opened the door, plating flared and fans blasting. His eyes wide and bright as he looked at Comet. He leaned against the doorframe for support, smiling weakly at the other.

“Oh, hey,” he chuckled nervously, “You’re here early!”

Cometeater stared at the medic blankly. He was early, sure, but he had had early in the past. He always got caught up talking with the medic anyway, it was better to just plan ahead. And it wasn’t like Theremin had just finished a shift or something.

The green mech shifted his weight between his legs as he looked over the flustered medic, noting the way his cheek plates seemed flushed, the way he was very deliberately blocking the view into the dark room behind him. “Are you… alright?”

Had the medic gotten sick or something? He knew that Cybertronians could get sick, it just wasn’t very common for them to. He also didn’t know what the symptoms would look like. So maybe Comet shouldn’t be worried about the other being sick? But Theremin was obviously acting weird and there had to be a reason.

He held Sunrazor a bit closer just in case.

The white mech’s plates shook a bit, already puffed out. They nodded frantically, lips pressed in a thin line as they glanced into the room behind them, “Oh yeah! I’m fine, doing great!”

Theremin smiled as he looked comet up and down, voice straining “How are you?”

That was a deflection. Comet’s eyes narrowed. “Uh… I’m fine?”

Cometeater tilted his head to the side a bit, eyes narrowing with concern. Theremin was acting really weird, it was kind of freaking him out a bit, “Are you sure-“

He was cut off by the small sparkling in his arms shifting.

Sunrazor looked at the other and pointed to his neck. Her tone full of childlike innocence “Who bit you?”

The green gladiator blinked at the statement.

Comet looked at where she was pointing, shocked that he hadn’t seen it earlier. There was a bite mark in the nape of his neck. It wasn’t deep or anything, but it was there…

Wait.

Comet’s mind went blank for a moment.

That… could mean a lot of things. Right? There were plenty of reasons someone might have a bite mark—but Theremin wasn’t a gladiator. He shouldn’t be sparring or butting heads with anyone.

His eyes trailed over Theremin’s frame again. The small paint transfers. The plating still subtly shaking. How out of breath he was. The too-flushed expression. The way he leaned on the doorframe. The embarrassed way he held himself, desperately trying to hold himself together.

Oh.

Oh.

Comet felt heat rise up his neck, eyes widening as he realized what was going on. Theremin had talked about it, Comet had seen other gladiators like this. He has caught the medic in the act. He shivered a bit. Sex. Yeah. He had interrupted the mech.

Maybe showing up over an hour early was not a good idea.

Theremin’s hand shot up to hide the mark, eyes wide. “Slag– uh…”

They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment. Eventually, Theremin seemed to give up trying to come up with an excuse and turned into the room towards the bed, defeated. “Dropmix! I told you no biting.”

If the large gladiator gave a visual response then Comet didn’t see it, heat rushing to his face as pieces of the puzzle clicked into place. So it was with Dropmix… Oh, Primus, kill him now.

The gladiator's gruff voice carried from across the room, something almost smug in his usual monotone, “I didn’t hear you saying I should stop.”

Cometeater stifled a cough. There was a small pause, he could hear some shifting.

Dropmix spoke again, somehow managing to make his voice even lower “I’d even argue that you seemed to be enjoying it, considering how you were–”

“Dropmix!” Theremin squeaked, cutting the bassy voice off, the medics plates flared even more—if at all possible.

Comet made a sound as the universe itself paused, watching him suffer.

Theremin tensed up, a small choking sound escaping him, smile becoming even more nervous and forced. He turned to look at him, smiling politely, “I’m so sorry, can you give me a minute?”

The mech looked back into the room nervously, “I’ve got to, uh, take care of something real quick.”

Comet didn’t respond, the door closing in his face before he could. Comet just stood there. Staring at the closed door. Primus, he had just caught them in the act, hadn’t he? Theremin and Dropmix had, no they were—his thoughts were cut off by Sunrazors tiny irritated voice,

Sunrazor fidgeted in his arms, unimpressed, though there was something hopeful in her tone. “Oh no, guess I’ll have to stay with you.”

He swallowed thickly. “No…we’ve just…gotta give them a moment.”

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

guy whose only exposure to Fierce Corpses, Evil Hand Possession, Demonic Cultivation and Xianxia Genre has been fanfiction written by their mutual, reading their first Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation: wow getting a lot of 'Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua visit white crane manor' vibes from this!

[essektheylyss]

decision paralysis sucks but like for real wdym I can't write three fics and two novels in the four hours I have before bed

[grounded-gryphon]

Jazz Fenton

Jazz saw Dick's id on her phone screen as she sipped her coffee. She frowned, sighed, and picked up, "Hello?"

"Hi Jazz, Nightwing here. Is Danny available?"

"He's asleep right now." She frowned. Danny needed all the rest he could get, and since coming to Gotham, well, the lack of sleep had been more pronounced than back in Amity Park. "Can you call back in two hours? He should be up by then. Unless it's urgent?"

"Not urgent, just an update. O and Cyborg found no evidence of the GIW having any captives right now."

"Thank god... Thanks for letting us know." Should she say more? Jazz wanted to have something resembling a relationship with Dick, but being part of Danny's Fraid… And the way Danny reacted to Nightwing last night. No. She had to protect her little brother first. "Sorry. I know you're busy. I'll let Danny know when he gets up."

[novelties-and-notions]

[A wild-eyed man enters from stage right.]

FLOSTRE: Mon Dieu! Friedrich Nietzche!

NIETZCHE [grabs Flostre's arm roughly]: Supposing truth to be a woman – what then?

FLOSTRE [brushes off Nietzche's hand in distaste]: Supposing truth not to be a woman – what then?

NIETZCHE [slightly disconcerted]: I asked first.

FLOSTRE: Supposing truth to be a squirrel – what then?

NIETZCHE: That is not the question.

FLOSTRE: Supposing truth to be a sailor in the French merchant navy…

NIETZCHE: Wass?

FLOSTRE: Supposing truth to be a baby grand piano… Supposing truth to be a larch tree (Larix decidua)…

NIETZCHE: Fool!

FLOSTRE: Or supposing truth to be a chorus line of dancing girls – what then?

SOCRATES [off-stage]: Now we're getting somewhere!

FLOSTRE: Supposing truth to be a double-acting cross-compound condensing engine…

NIETZCHE [momentarily puzzled]: A …?

FLOSTRE [seizing the moment]: Supposing truth to be a blue-grey fedora… A pair of gentlemen's long woollen underpants… A charabanc of elderly matrons on a tour of the Lake District…

NIETZCHE: Charabanc? Charlatan!

FLOSTRE: A chocolate mousse… One rugby boot…

NIETZCHE [becoming hysterical]: WOMAN! WOMAN! WOMAN!

FLOSTRE [slowly and deliberately]: Supposing truth to be a five-day cricket match at Lords – what then?

NIETZCHE [horrified]: Das… das ist unvorstellbar! [He staggers backwards]

[Flostre laughs derisively, as Nietzche stumbles off stage, a broken man.]

ARISTOTLE [the ventriloquist's dummy who has been sitting on Flostre's knee looking dazed]: Who was that?

FLOSTRE: Just some passing character. Pay no attention to him.

[fatheroffdensen]

my brain is in a state of 'i could write poetry about anything' rn and the way i could write a fucking novel's worth of psychoanalytic prose about dethklok is insane. like the character depth itself lives in my brain rent free. fucking brendon gave me brain rot so bad. oh my GOD dethklok are just literally perfect caricatures of toxic masculine expressions of severe complex ptsd and i will never get over that. like brendon GETS IT. he either is a trauma survivor and/or neurodivergent himself or actually has an unfathomable empathy + understanding that he managed to inject into the most unexpected artform (funny silly gory adult cartoons- who thought it would literally be about the power of friendship in the end!??!). i wanna pick his brain i could talk to him for hours i bet

[destinationtoast]

no worries/pressure if not, but any snippets from future chapters of cyrano you'd want to share?

Ooh, sure! I just sent off the latest chapter for beta feedback, and I'm excited about it and happy to share. :D

Here's how the forthcoming chapter 3 of Not Exactly Cyrano opens...

---

Jamie, the text message reads.  Good news - I’m in town today, and I want to see you!  Meet me at Le Chat Cache at 7pm?  My phone’s about to die, unfortunately, so I just hope you can make it!!  Xoxo Mum

He’s been staring at the message all day, wondering about what could have possibly brought his mother all the way to London. (Roy doesn’t yell at him once for not paying attention during Beard’s post-match analysis, though; he seems distracted himself—presumably because he’s gotten Keeley’s letter.)  All Jamie can come up with is that she wants to tell him in person that she and Simon are finally getting married.   Which would be mint, but he’s shocked that Ms. “If I’m traveling for that long I’m bloody well going somewhere outside of England, love” would finally visit Richmond, even for that.

He’ll go meet her, of course.  But it’s shit luck that it’s happening right at the same time that he was planning to eavesdrop on Roy and Keeley as they meet up.  Jamie feels relief knowing that the meeting is going to happen, that he won’t lie awake any more nights dreading it and everything that will have to change afterward.  But he wishes he could be there to hear his letter-writing plan come together, and to at least feel the pride in a play well executed.  

Instead, he’ll have dinner with Mummy.  Maybe that’s for the best; being with her always cheers him up.

(He briefly wonders whether he can convince her to go eavesdrop with him, but reluctantly dismisses the idea… the restaurant is too far from the cafe, and they’d probably miss all the good parts.)

⁂

When he enters the restaurant and sees Roy and Keeley sitting at a table, he freezes, thinking he came to the wrong place after all.  But no, this is Le Chat Caché.  

“Where’s Mummy?” he asks, trying to figure out how his mother managed to summon both Roy and Keeley; he’s pretty sure she’s never had Roy’s number.  He hasn’t told her about shagging Roy, because it’s just temporary.

“She’s not here,” Keeley says.  “Come join us.”  She pats the chair next to her, across from Roy.  She looks unusually serious. (He looks usually serious.)

 “Is she okay?”  Maybe whatever is up with Mummy is scarier than he thought.

“Chrissakes,” Roy grits out.  “We’re your mummy.”

[lokh]

unfortunately i still write the exact same way i did at approximately age 13

[oof-spoof]

TLDR; I'm depraved of Invincible fics and if you want something done do it yourself. But also no time and no focus to get said things done 😮‍💨 and go check out @solelifauna 's fics they're fucking amazing and I've chained myself to their "Definitely Not Invincible" series because the first fic had me unhinged immediately to see how things would play out. Nolan and Mark are fucked up and I love it 😭

So if I'm still into the series (I'm currently hopping fandoms because I'm trying to break my cycle of going back to the same one for the legit 16th time) then I'll probably have something by the end of the month because I'm currently taking an English class and the professor is very very specific and strict on how they grade so I'm hoping i can refresh my writing abilities and learn some new things that will help me with writing fics.

I'm doing my best to watch invincible because i really really REALLY want to write some angst and fear/horror shit (i have absolutely zero experience in both those areas) and I want to study the characters in depth to be able to accurately portray them without being too ooc.

So I might try for my next break to get one out, set a deadline for myself just to see what I can do. Its not lack of motivation to write its just my lack of focus and losing my ability to sit still and get things done and I seem to never have time to myself to just chill the f out.

But I'm foaming at the mouth for more fics and I wish for more platonic/romantic/fluff/crack stuff because I'm not really into smut like, I just can't see the appeal to it most times and it has no effect on me.

I don't even remember what triggered me into getting obsessed with the character because it was Omni-man first with how out of pocket he seems, but also he's a dilf. And then i just latched onto this series like a starved vampire and I don't think I'll last very long if i can't write out just ONE fic.

Also @solelifauna has a bunch of fics that I've been injecting into the veins on my brain, I'm foaming at the mouth for most of their series because they are so good at writing, I can feel the emotions and environments as if I'm actually there AND I LOVE BEING ABLE TO DISASSOCIATE INTO A GOOD STORY GO CHECK THEIR WORKS OUT!

Particularly their Definitely Not Invincible fics, I will die for those stories. That's another factor that has me wanting to get back into writing again. Its soooo good 😫 how could you not be inspired?