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zombryz · 11 months ago

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: ̗̀➛ Sparks and Cursed Shadows

˗ˏˋ hello again, dear reader ˎˊ˗ Here is my new series :3

Chapter One

masterlist | Next Chapter 2 | ao3

Pairings: Satoru Gojo x afab!reader x Suguru Geto

A/N: hehehe I am so excited for this one. I've already written 20k words and are planning on posting once a week. I usually write these for myself and will almost always make the reader afab, however, I am always open to requests and can write for any gender. As always, thanks for reading my brain rot :3

Summary: Years had passed since you last saw him—the formidable sorcerer, Satoru Gojo, with his innate six eyes, your old classmate, and first love. When Suguru Geto decided to part ways with Jujutsu High and abandon sorcery altogether, you went with him, both of you unintentionally breaking Satoru's heart. Now, after years and years, your heart aches as Suguru, your now lover, succumbs to the ancient curse of Kenjaku. Suguru—no—Kenjaku threatens to kill Suguru inside of his own mind if you do not confront your once-beloved Satoru Gojo, killing him to bring balance back to the world of curses.

Warnings: (current, may change throughout the story) **Possible Anime/Manga spoilers throughout** PSTD, Death, depression, angst, possessiveness, jealousy, uneven power dynamics (obviously because Gojo is the strongest), eventual lemon/smut, slowburn, right person wrong time, friends to lovers to enemies to lovers again, touch starved, unprotected first time, virgin!reader, virgin!gojo, betrayal, possible pregnancy (undecided but will make it cute, not annoying), fuckboy!gojo, kind of poly!reader (she loves them both at the same time), gore/blood/violence scenes that will be graphic

Word Count: 8.5k

Monday, July 9th 2018

“Do you want to go see Human Earthworm 3?” Mahito annoyingly leans into your shoulder hoping that Suguru won’t see him pestering you. You roll your eyes internally and move your head to the left a little now that Mahito is blocking all the sunlight. He sits in the beach chair next to you after he realizes you’re not going to answer him. “Oh c’mon, Geto has you on such a tight leash it’ll be fun.” He says this in a sing-song voice hoping to get you on-board.

You scoff and try to ignore his childlike teasing and pull your sunglasses down from the top of your head to block your eyes from Mahito in hopes of getting him to leave you alone.

“No one will even see me so it’ll be like you’re seeing the movie alone. No need to be embarrassed.” He adds hoping this would somehow change your mind. Ugh, he was so aggravating. You remember when Suguru introduced you to Mahito, the patch-faced, human-like curse. You initially thought he was cute until he opened his mouth. Nothing has changed since then, he’s just gotten more and more under your skin.

“Enough Mahito,” Suguru interjects and is suddenly standing over the two of you with his arms crossed. His voice made it seem like he was unbothered by the situation entirely but his body language read a little differently. Mahito slumps back into the beach chair with a clear frown plastered across his face. “Y/N, can you come with me please.” He doesn’t look at you when he says this. Instead, he turns on his heel and walks towards the floating door in the middle of the sand. You were in Dagon’s beach domain. It was mostly relaxing and this was where most of you spent your time in hiding these days.

“What is it?” You ask as the two of you approach the door. You avoid his blatant eye contact. Lately, you’ve been having a really hard time looking at the man you love because that's just it; He isn’t the man you love, well, not anymore. One day last year he came back from a “mission” extremely injured with stitches across his head. He said that he was no longer Suguru Geto but instead a man by the name of Kenjaku. At first, you thought that the injury on his head made him lose his memory but soon you realized he had been possessed by a curse that you had no idea how to exorcise. He stopped touching you and acted like he barely knew who you were and became very serious-natured. Suguru was never this cold. He tried to imitate his love for you but you knew better. It was all a facade. After all, he had told you the truth, that man was no longer Suguru Geto. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to mourn him or save him. You chose the latter and never gave up hope that one day you would get him back. You knew he was still in there, somewhere. Until then, you would do whatever he wanted you to do. It was like you were his slave. You would cry yourself to sleep at night almost every night since. Your Suguru was no longer there to hold you close, to tell you how much he loved you, to have you by his side. You were no longer of importance to him.

Only once had you attempted to exorcise him. That was the day you almost died. He was too strong and you got the only evidence you needed that he was still in there, trapped inside his own body. His body betrayed Kenjaku and didn’t allow him to hurt you anymore. Suguru had stopped himself from killing you.

“There is something I need from you.” He shuffles his hands awkwardly. Seeing him come off so confident is weird, although his body language betrays him whenever he speaks to you. In the beginning, it was tough to watch but now, you're just numb to it. God, you wish he’d just get on with it so this conversation could be over. It still hurts and you feel your tears threaten to spill. Now all your relationship was was transactions. You stayed close because you loved him and he took advantage of that. “I need you to kill Satoru Gojo.” Your heart sinks at his request. You had secretly hoped that Kenjaku wouldn’t find out who Satoru was or who he was to you and Suguru but several months ago Kenjaku had devised a plan to trap Satoru. That plan you could live with but this? Satoru’s name still sounded foreign on his pseudo-Suguru’s tongue. Your mind flashes to Satoru’s ocean-blue eyes and his cocky but warm smile. How could he say that about his best friend? Your best friend? He probably had this planned this whole time. You were being naive. It was probably because Satoru posed a serious threat to him. How could you forget that Satoru was the strongest Sorceror? You couldn’t, but instead, you just wished he wasn’t.

“I thought we planned to trap him in the prison realm, that’s what you said!” Your voice betrays you now and you’re not trying to shout but you are. You’re upset and visibly so, why is he saying all of this?

“We’re not certain the prison realm will be enough to hold Satoru Gojo, after all, he is the strongest.” He laughs and you just scoff at his words in disbelief. If Suguru heard himself say this he would be so heartbroken. It had been years since you saw him, the strongest sorcerer, the man who held the innate gift of the six eyes, your old classmate, your first love, Satoru Gojo. Almost ten years to be exact. He would be almost 30 now. So much has changed since then. You wondered if he remembered you and if he thought of you as much as you thought of him.

“I can’t. I won’t-” your voice cracks, “-do that.” The tears from earlier start to spill now. You had hoped that running away with Suguru to follow his dream would mean that you would never have to see Satoru again. You were fine with that but this, you weren’t fine with. Your heart would never allow you to kill Satoru Gojo. You weren’t even sure why Suguru was so confident that you could. Maybe because it wasn’t a request from Suguru…

“Yes, you will. If you have any hope of seeing Suguru Geto again you will.” Your eyes flick up to his forehead where you look at him through wet lashes. You look at the stitches that hold his skull together with haste. He’s still in there and you just wanted him back. “You’re the only one out of all of us that has the best chance of getting close to him. After all, he once loved you. Didn’t he?” Your cheeks burn and your stomach drops at his words. You feel like you’re going to be sick. If you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t know if he once loved you or not. “Even if you don’t kill him, you’re able to get close and weaken him, then we can trap him.”

“Fine.” You wipe the single tear from your cheek and turn to walk away but before you can Kenjaku reaches for your arm and grabs a hold of your wrist tightly making you wince.

“I think you should go with Mahito. It could give you a chance to scope out Satoru’s whereabouts. I hear he has a few students of his own now.” His voice is deep and low making you curious as to why he was whispering. Is this because he doesn’t have faith in the little curses he keeps around him? Are you the only person completely loyal to him? Maybe, you thought. Then your mind wanders to Satoru. You wonder if he’s gotten any taller, his hair any longer, or if he is the same old Satoru. Your lips turn upwards slightly at the thought of his laugh as you leave Suguru and make your way over to Mahito.

“Come on patch-face. We’re going to see your movie.” You throw a towel at him and roll your eyes at the excited face he makes. He reminds you so much of a child and sometimes you don’t know why you can’t stand him.

Later in the day

You arrived at the movie theater and bought one ticket for Human Earthworm 3. Mahito stood next to you eager to get into the theater. There were only a few other people in the theater, a few boys sitting by the front and a lone teenage boy. Good thing you didn’t care about the movie all that much because the boys up front would not shut up. The lone boy sitting at the top left of the theater wore a purple shirt and his dark hair fell over his face. He looked sad but you tried not to think anything of it.

“Should I shut them up?” Mahito leaned over to whisper in your ear. His words were laced with evil and you could hear the smile across his lips. You shiver at his words but try to play it off.

“If you want, I don’t care.” You wave him off with an annoyed sigh. The boy in purple looked up at you and you imagined he thought you were crazy for talking to yourself. Whatever. You had gone through your wallet during the movie and found your old jujutsu high ID card. Yep, just as you thought you were once a grade-one sorcerer. You flip over your ID and run your fingertips over the scratched-up surface. There was a smiley face drawn in Sharpie that was slightly smudged. That’s right, Satoru drew this. You smiled sweetly to yourself at the memory. He was so annoying back then but you adored him and his goofy self. He was somehow always so cocky. He was beautiful though, he was tall and hadn’t completely grown into his height yet. You remember his messy white hair and his angelic blue eyes. You even remember him stealing your ID card and holding it above your head so you couldn’t reach it. He always made it a point to joke with you about being short. He was always so playful with you.

Your mind wanders to something darker as you hold the plastic between your two fingers. Were you really going to have to kill him to bring Suguru back? What if he could help you instead? Did he even still care about you or Suguru enough to do that? This all felt so heavy. Were you even going to be able to kill him if he said no? Kenjaku seemed to think you could. Yes, you were once a very strong sorcerer and if you had to guess you’re probably well past a special grade now but that just means he is too. Even back then Satoru was the strongest, he was a special grade even then. You sigh to yourself. You try to remind yourself that you were the descendant of one of the strongest sorcerers in history. You were part of the Kashimo clan, your great-great-great grandfather was titled the god of lightning. You tried to talk yourself into feeling stronger but it wasn’t helping. The truth is Satoru would kill you in an instant if he wanted to. Maybe because you deserved it and wouldn’t fight back or maybe just because you were weak.

Before you knew it Mahito was bored. He no longer had any interest in the movie and you were snapped out of whatever trance you were just in. He stood up and started walking to the exit but not before completely transmuting all three of the boys who were talking during the entire movie. You roll your eyes and follow him out stuffing your ID card back into your wallet and then into your purse. Such a drama queen.

As you’re walking back to the building where your hideout was you hear someone call out to you. You consider ignoring it but then he yells out, “Hey, you, patch-face with the lady!” Suddenly your eyes widen as you turn around to face the same sad boy from earlier—the one who wore purple and had one side of his face covered by his dark hair.

“Y-you can see him?” You blurt out pointing at Mahito, not even acknowledging that he was going to say something first.

“Yeah, and I also saw what he did to them.” He steps back a little, losing the confidence he just had. He seemed sweet and you knew he wasn’t at all a real threat. Suddenly he seemed sweaty and scared.

“What, were they your friends or something?” Mahito interjects and you allow him to speak to the poor boy. You feel a small drop of water fall on your face and when you look up you notice it's starting to rain. You pull your hood over your head and lean against a wall under an air conditioning unit so you don’t get wet.

“Can I..” he hesitates, “Do that too?” The boy asks while staring down at his feet. There seems to be something troubling him for him to be asking dangerous strangers for help.

“Come on, I’ll show you.” Mahito grins creepily and that was your queue to leave. You didn’t care to listen to him go on and on about curses when he just learned about it not too long ago himself. After all, he was a new curse.

“You two go on without me. Suguru will want to hear about this.” You share one last look at Mahito and the boy before drifting back into the shadows of the alleyway to make your way back to the hideout.

The next day

Mahito tells you that the boy's name is Junpei. He can see and manipulate cursed energy and Mahito has taken it upon himself to personally “train” the boy. You’re slightly annoyed but just happy that Mahito won't be bothering you as much anymore. You tell him to be nice to the boy and that if he hurt him in any way, you’ll kill him. You can’t help it, something about him reminded you of a younger Suguru and it warmed your heart.

Suguru on the other hand didn’t care as much as you thought he would. He was more disappointed to see that you had returned with no news on Satoru’s whereabouts. You promised to go back out today and see what you could find out. You met up with Mahito who happened to be spying on Junpei. Apparently, Junpei had crossed paths with The king of curses, Sukuna’s vessel, Yuji Itadori, a young boy with bright pink hair and a red hood attached to his Jujutsu High uniform. You could feel just how powerful his cursed energy was from a mile back. His aura sent chills down your spine. Everything about Sukuna freaks you out. You’ve only ever heard stories about him as you and Suguru spent a couple of years searching for his twenty fingers. You also remember that your great-great-great grandfather made it his dying wish that one day he would get to fight Sukuna. You guessed that never happened since your grandfather was the one 6 feet under.

“He told him about us,” Mahito says while playing with the ends of his hair and swinging his feet out beneath him. He was sitting on a park tree near where Junpei and Itadori were talking but was careful to be out of sight.

“What do you mean?” You weren’t following what he was saying.

“Junpei told Itadori that he saw us yesterday and described what we looked like. Should we go ahead and kill him to preserve Geto’s plan?”

“No, that would just stir the pot. Maybe this could work in our favor. We got word from Jogo that Sukuna’s vessel was one of Satoru-I mean- Gojo’s students, right?” Now Mahito was the one not following. His face is full of confusion. You flick him in the forehead, “That means that Gojo will come to us stupid. Now we won't have to find him. He isn’t going to send his weaker sorcerers to fight us knowing that we’re multiple special grades.”

“Oh, right!” Mahito smiles and turns to face Junpei once more. “I also fought a blonde sorcerer yesterday! Even more the reason to come.” Mahito sings as he continues to swing his feet humming a tune.

Your heart drops. A blonde sorcerer? Could it be?

“Mahito… this blonde sorcerer…” you start but your voice gets stuck in your throat. “Did you kill him?” Your throat suddenly felt like pins and needles.

“The businessman? No, it was a pretty even match actually and we had to draw.”

Nanamin.. Of course, it was him. You anxiously ran your fingers through your hair. Thank god, he’s still alive. You tried to keep tabs on most of your other old classmates, except Satoru. You thought Nanami quit being a sorcerer but maybe your intel was wrong.

“Please don’t hurt him.” You turn toward Mahito practically begging.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that Y/N! Wow, you are a softy arentcha? Well, either way, I do what I want.” Mahito gets close to your face and smiles. You had about enough of him and were this close to exorcising him right then and there when you noticed Itadori and Junpei leaving. Killing Kenjaku’s favorite curse would have to wait. The two of you continued to follow Itadori and Junpei.

Later that day

You had devised a plan. You overheard Kenjaku and Mahito talking, they were going to use Junpei to create a diversion to see how much control Itadori had over Sukuna, or best case scenario, they were planning on getting control over Sukuna’s vessel themselves.

The whole plan made you sick. Poor Junpei. You knew what you had to do. You had to be there in the shadows to protect Junpei and to leave with Satoru, however you needed to. This was your only hope of saving Suguru.

When you weren’t sleeping in Dagon’s domain, you were in a room over at the motel you were all staying at. You used to share this room with Suguru and you just couldn’t be alone in there anymore, it was too much. You began packing a few of your things when you heard someone knock on your door softly.

“Come in.” You call out to them.

The door opens and when you look up you see Mimiko, her long brunette hair laying at her shoulders and her body language makes it seem like she has been tiptoeing around Kenjaku herself. You can’t believe how much she has grown since you and Suguru found her and her twin sister years ago. For a long time, you all felt like a family. You and Suguru even used to make sweet jokes about how Mimiko and Nanako were your daughters. You once asked Suguru if he thought if you had children together ironically you would also have twin daughters. He chuckled but you knew deep down he never wanted to bring more kids into the world. Sometimes you wish your relationship with him could’ve been different. You would’ve really loved just being about to go on dates and worry about paying rent with your normal careers. Maybe you both would’ve worked at Nanami’s office and made Fridays your movie nights and Tuesdays would be when you invited Shoko, Nanami, and Haibara over for Dinner. Satoru would come sometimes when he wasn’t busy with his new girl of the week. Sadly though, that was all just a dream; but maybe in another life, it wasn’t just a dream.

“It’s just me.” You say and turn to continue packing with a straight face.

“Oh, okay,” she immediately relaxes. “Where are you going?”

You completely ignored her question, you didn’t want her to start getting worked up. “Where is Nanako, I want to say goodbye to the both of you.”

“You’re leaving us? No! You can’t, please don’t leave us here with him.” Her voice cracks and it breaks your heart. They both have been through so much.

You rush over to her to quickly stop her from crying. You lower your voice so that it is above a whisper while you gently rub her shoulder, “It’s okay, it’s not for good. I’m doing this for us Mimiko, I am going to get help so that we can get Suguru back.”

“Really?” She questions while sniffling.

“Yes, but I need to hurry before he notices. Can you cover for me?”

“Well, Nanako is with him…”

“Where?” You say with slight irritation in your voice.

“Upstairs.”

You give her a big hug before making your way up the dirty motel staircase. Luckily, you see Nanako’s blonde hair coming around the corner and she is alone. You run up to her and give her a big hug as well.

“I love you. Tell Mimiko I love her too. She’ll explain everything.” You don’t even give her a chance to ask any questions before taking off down the other side of the outside hallway. You try to be stealthy and quiet but you’re not quiet enough. Suddenly an arm reaches out to you, jolting you to a stop. It was him. His grip made you wince once more.

“And where are you going, Y/N?” He asks with a borderline sinister smile. You shudder as you go to look at him trying your hardest to pretend like everything is fine.

“I’m going on your secret mission, remember? I just said goodbye to our daughters.” You hiss up at him. This time you look directly into his eyes so that he feels your anger.

He didn’t seem to like this, he reached out and grabbed your throat to pull you closer to him. Your teeth clench together and cry out in pain. He’s not quite choking you but he’s holding you hard enough to leave bruises behind.

“Good luck then.” He mutters in your ear. When he pulls away he places a small chaste kiss on your lips making your heart flutter a little. The entire interaction was giving you whiplash. You figured this was his way of saying ‘Don’t betray me or I’ll kill you’. He lets go of your throat and you cough trying to catch your breath.

You look at him with hate in your eyes one last time before turning and running down the motel stairs. You had one more stop to make for your grand plan to work. Mahito.

The next day

You wake up the next day in a room unfamiliar to you. The night before you had left your motel and went to a hotel that was closer to Jujutsu High. You showered and put on a little bit of makeup. As you were getting dressed in your family's traditional attire you couldn’t help but feel nervous. Today you were going to see Satoru. What if he didn’t want to see you? Who were you kidding of course he didn’t. You would be lucky if he paid you any mind at all. But what if you had to fight him? Your heart was beating out of your chest as you put on your all-white haori. As you wrapped bandages around your fists and lower arms you breathed out deeply preparing for the worst. You pulled your hair back into two buns and grabbed your quarterstaff before leaving for the school. It had been a long time since you’d had to fight anyone let alone dress in your traditional attire.

You arrive at the school that you heard Mahito mention to Kenjaku the day before. It was the school where Junpei attended. You decided to keep your distance from the fight because you couldn’t give up your position or your plan. When you walk toward the back of the school you see the veil had already been lowered. This was Mahito’s viel which means Kenjaku wasn’t here. He most likely didn’t want to run into Satoru to raise any red flags about your arrival. When you entered the viel you hoped that Mahito had noticed your energy like you planned. You walked through the school and up the stairs. It was dead, where was everyone? There was glass all over the floors from the windows. They must’ve already started fighting.

You turn the corner to where you thought you heard fighting and that's when you see him. Junpei. No, no, no, you were supposed to protect him. You were too late. Mahito had already gotten his hands on him and turned him into a transmuted beast. You clench your eyes shut as you walk past his body. Your heart sinks and your face twists in anger. Maybe the next part of your plan would be real then. Mahito of course will think you’re putting on a show for the sorcerors like you had planned.

When you walk over to the windowsill you see them. Sukuna’s vessel, Itadori and Nanami were fighting Mahito. Quite frankly, Mahito was getting his ass whooped. You wanted to see how this would play out but that's when you realized one of the most important parts of your plan. Satoru isn’t here. Where was he? Why did they only send Nanami?

You take a deep breath. Okay, you had two choices. Bail or improvise. You chose the latter.

With a war cry and your charged cursed energy, you jump from the window and land behind Itadori and Nanami. You tap into your rage and your hair starts emitting cursed lightning that bounces from each of your buns. Your eyes began glowing yellow and you lightly tap your quarterstaff on the ground causing the school courtyard to shake.

“MAHITO!” You scream at the top of your lungs, haste dripping from your tongue. Just as planned, Mahito would change direction and start fighting you.

Both Itadori and Nanami look your way. Itadori is extremely confused about whether or not you’re also an enemy and when he starts to make his way toward you Nanami reaches his arm out to stop him. He looks back at Nanami and he simply shakes his head signaling him to trust him.

Mahito then takes the opportunity to shape himself into a giant spiked beast and attempts to slice you where you stand. You jump over his additional spiked body parts and use one of his arms as leverage to jump across to the other side of the courtyard. He tries to hit you again and you redirect his hand using taijutsu and infuse your quarterstaff with cursed lightning and hit him directly in the chest. The impact makes him fly across the courtyard and he starts shaking from the electrical energy in the blast. Damn, you need to dial it back a bit if you want this to be believable. You turn toward Nanami and Itadori. Your eyes meet Nanami’s and your heart flutters in your chest, you haven’t seen him since his hair was long. He was so tall and cute and now he is a big, strong man. His blue dress shirt is snug across his chest and you’re just completely surprised by how much he's grown. His cheeks were much more defined and he was aging like wine. He still wore his signature frown.

Perfect moment to be distracted. Mahito takes the opportunity you give him and turns his arms into little spikes. He pierces the back of your thigh causing you to scream out in pain. What was he doing? This wasn’t the plan. You cry out as you feel two more spikes go through your gut. When he pulls them out you look down to see your all-white haori covered in blood, your blood. Well so much for dialing it back, you trusted Mahito enough to not kill you but maybe that was his plan all along. This fake fight was a ploy for him to kill you.

“Y/N!” Nanami yells out as he runs over to catch you before you fall.

“N-na-namin” you respond breathlessly as you fall to your knees. There was blood pouring from your mouth. Nanami catches you and you hold your stomach as you shake in his arms. Did Kenjaku know your plan all along? Why would Mahito kill you? You felt yourself slipping out of consciousness and all you could think about was the fact that you wouldn’t get to see Satoru after all. Maybe this was for the best. If you can’t be with Suguru you don’t care whether you lived or died.

As your eyes start to close you can feel Nanami squeeze you tighter as he hugs you against his chest. You hear Itadori yell out that Mahito is getting away and Nanami tells him to let him go, and that it wasn’t worth it. Then you hear Itadori ask if Nanami knew who you were to which he replied, “Yes, I know her well.”

---

Two days later

You wake up to the smell of cigarettes and hear muffled talking in the background. When you sit up frantically in shock you see that you are handcuffed to the bed. You begin to panic, your charged cursed energy threatening to spill out until you realize that you recognize where you are. You’re in the medical office at Jujutsu High. You’ve been here for many injuries, most of which were self-inflicted from your training with Satoru. Damn, his stupid infinity, your attacks would almost always bounce back causing you to get hurt. When you look down you see your thigh wrapped in bandages as well as your lower abdomen.

“That special grade curse got you pretty good.” You scoff at the statement that Mahito was a special grade curse. Screw him. But wait, you know that voice, that sweet voice coated with years of cigarettes and liquor.

“Shoko?” You yell out whipping your head back and forth to search for her.

“Hey squirt, it’s me don’t get all frizzy on me now.” She wheels her chair over to your bed and stands to take your temperature while simultaneously rubbing your head trying to stir up your electrical cursed energy. That’s right, she always called you that because you were a little younger and a little shorter than her. She also loved annoying you by making your hair frizzy. You didn’t even care that she was making your hair a mess, a huge smile was plastered across your face. She looks much older, you bet it's from her bad smoking and drinking habits. She’s still beautiful though, just has dark circles under her eyes and her hair is much much longer. She’s still the same Shoko. God how you missed her.

“Why am I chained to the bed?” You ask but you already know the answer to that question.

“You know why squirt…” Her face drops and she wheels away from your bed now.

“Well, what happens now? Am I to be executed now that I am in the school's possession again?” You ask with a small laugh but deep down you have a genuine concern that that might be the case, this was one of the reasons you never came back after deserting the school with Suguru.

“You know there are very strong people here that would never allow that to happen.”

Was she talking about Satoru? She had to be. Unless someone else from your class sprouted up and became strong enough to overpower those in charge. You decide to assume she’s talking about Satoru.

“I’m not so sure about that. Last time I saw him he seemed perfectly okay with the idea of me dying.” Your voice gets quiet as you say this, it’s as if the wound is still fresh. You don’t allow her to say anything to that, “Anyways, where is he?”

“He got back yesterday, as soon as he heard you were here.” Suddenly there are butterflies in your stomach. You thought you were going to die at Mahito’s hand but it seems he missed all of your vitals. So you get to see Satoru after all. Why were you suddenly so nervous?

Without warning, the big metal door to the facility opens and you see Shoko stand to greet whoever it is. Part of you hoped it was Satoru and the other part of you was scared shitless.

“Y/N.” A stern male’s voice states your name causing you to jump a little.

Your eyes start watering, “Nanamin?” You turn your head to see him walking over to you.

“You know I hate when you call me that.” Nanami gets closer to your bed and unlocks your handcuffs freeing you. You giggle at his defensiveness, it’s good to see he hasn’t gotten any more expressive with his emotions. You jump into his arms and hug him. He is reluctant to return your hug but he ultimately does. You’ve missed him so so much.

“Why are you freeing me?” You step back and rub your wrists looking down to see they’re starting to bruise. When you reach up you feel a bandage around your neck too. You look at Shoko confused until you remember the moment you had with Kenjaku before you left. You rub the bandage gently reminding you of why you’re here. He had hurt you. You want Suguru back.

“We have some questions.” He reaches around your back and puts new handcuffs around your wrists. He is gentle with his movements though so that he doesn’t hurt you. You sigh, just when you thought you were free. You understood why though, it was going to take a lot of work for anyone here to trust you again. Nanami walks you down the hall to Principal Gakugangi’s office. Memories of this hallway flood your brain. You remember the time you, Satoru, and Suguru raced down this hallway. Of course, Satoru won because he had the longest legs.

You’re brought to a room next to the principal’s office that has a chair seated at the front of the room directly under multiple TV screens. Across from that, there were a bunch of seats that were set up auditorium style. All of your old teachers and classmates were already seated, all except Satoru. You started to explain to ex-principal Yaga and principal Gakuganji why you were there. It was as if you were reading from a script. It was the story you fabricated to get here, although most of it was true. You told Shoko, Nanami, Utahime, Mei-Mei, Gakuganji and Yaga. You wished Satoru was here to listen but you figured there was a reason he wasn’t. You went on about how after you left Jujutsu High years and years ago with Suguru he was possessed by Kenjaku and forced you to work for him. You lied and told them how you heard that Mahito could transmute souls and that you went looking for him to help touch Suguru’s soul to kill Kenjaku inside of him. Everything in your story came together so perfectly, you mentioned how you were fighting Mahito at the school because he had betrayed you and told Suguru your plan and was ultimately trying to kill you. This explained why Itadori told them Junpei saw you at the movies with Mahito and why you were trying to kill him afterward.

Finally, Utahime spoke up and asked, “Why did you never come back to us, Y/N?” She sounded so dejected as she said this. You were starting to regret coming back at all, it was already stirring up way too many old emotions that you thought you tucked away years ago.

This question hit harder than you expected it to. Your chest started to feel tight. You held your wrists together to wipe your face of the tears that were now spilling out on their own. Bending forward you rest your head in your arms before continuing, “I wanted to come back, trust me I did!” You pause and look at all your old friends sitting on the edge of their seats listening to you with such care in their eyes. “I was scared because of the death penalty and also I wanted to protect you guys the best I could from Suguru, h-he was not himself.” You sniffle and stare down at your bound hands, you internally debate saying this last part but they deserve to know, “a-and, I loved him.” You hesitantly correct yourself, “I do love him.” You’re suddenly brought back to the first few years together with Suguru after you both had abandoned Jujutsu High. You were severely depressed and would cry almost every night to Suguru about how you missed everyone at Jujutsu High and how you wanted to go back. He would comfort you but couldn’t understand your reasoning. He didn’t ask you to follow him and he never really understood why you did. He did, however, reassure you of his love whenever you need it. You don’t think he ever felt sad about his past which allowed him to pour himself into both you and his purpose.

You watch as everyone’s eyes quickly dart toward the door behind you. When you look over your shoulder with puffy eyes you see what they were looking at. You finally see him. The strongest sorcerer, the man who held the innate gift of the six eyes, your old classmate, your first love, Satoru Gojo. He is, where do you even begin? If your heart wasn’t hurting so bad you could probably talk about how he was taller than the door frame for hours. His hair was slightly longer than you remember and still as white as snow. It sat perfectly on top of his head with a black blindfold that covered his beautiful blue eyes that had been burned into your memory for years. He upgraded from the little black sunglasses you used to steal from him. His lips looked as soft as you remember and when you look down you see his arms crossed over his chest. His arms look so much bigger now that he has grown into his lanky self. He looks strong and his hands are huge. You can’t even focus, the room was spinning and your heart was beating out of your chest. How embarrassing. No one said a thing. You hated that you couldn’t see his eyes. You knew him though, more than probably anyone else in the room. Your presence made him uneasy and nervous just as much as yours did his. He continued to stare at you through his blindfold. Everyone fell into an unbearable silence. It felt like you were swallowing nails every time you took a breath. You wanted him to scream or yell at you, you wanted him to do something other than what he was doing. Your eyes were begging him to take you away from all the eyes in the room so that you could talk one-on-one, but he wouldn’t do that. Not anymore. You wanted to know if he still cared at all if he even missed you.

“I thought I told you not to get distracted in a fight,” Satoru speaks in a calm voice but his posture stiffens against the door as he speaks.

You open your mouth to reply but instead, Principal Yaga interjects and stands before you causing you to turn your attention to him. You just wanted to be anywhere but here. You were now very unsure about whether or not Satoru would allow the higher-ups to kill you or not. Suddenly you feel very small and weak.

“The Kyoto sister school exchange event is about to begin,” he gruffs in annoyance and points to the TVs above your head. “We’re done for today. Gojo, she is your responsibility, put her in the talisman room until we figure out what to do with her.”

Your head shifts from Principal Yaga to Satoru, suddenly very nervous. The talisman room is where sorcerers bring special-grade human-like curses, “evil” sorcerers, or anyone who poses a threat to the sorcerer world. It was like a holding cell that drained all your cursed energy. It was where the school put those who were on death row. You freeze in your chair when you see Nanami coming over to drag you out of the room.

“N-Nanamin, please, no,” you beg, catching a sob in your throat.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” His eyes seem sincere but you knew he had no choice. He walks you over to Satoru who takes the chains on your wrist without saying a word. He is neither gentle nor harsh in the way he leads you down the hall. A tense silence falls around you. This is the closest you’ve been to him in years and you just want things to go back to the way they were. You’re too scared to look at him so you stare at the ground rethinking this whole thing. Should you try to fight Satoru here and now? No, he’s too strong and the others would be behind him. Should you make a break for it and run back to Suguru? No. You stop abruptly causing Satoru’s infinity to hit you causing you to lose your balance. He had his infinity up around you? This was ultimately a test to see if he still trusts you, even a little, but the answer was no. Your heart breaks, things are never going to be the same. Now that you are out of the sight of the others you turn to Satoru as much as your position allows, your last hope was talking to him.

“Satoru,” You hum his name, it coming out much sweeter than you meant for it to. “Please, l-listen to me.” You look up at him and try to ignore how he towers over you. He tilts his head down at you. You’re still unable to see his eyes so you just assume he’s looking at you. “I-I know you don’t trust me anymore…” Your voice wavers as you say this. “But, you’re in danger. Please list-”

“’m the strongest.” His voice is gruff and cold as he cuts you off. It’s his way of saying ‘Shut up, no I’m not’.

You start pulling your arms away from him to get him to understand how serious this is. He eventually gives way and you’re now facing him with your hands behind your back. He cockily puts his hands in his pocket allowing you to continue talking. He is straight-faced and almost looks bored. Oh, how you wished you could see his signature Satoru Gojo smile.

“Suguru has been possessed by a very strong cursed spirit who has lived many lifetimes. He is planning on sealing you away!” Your voice strains as you try to plead with him.

“Suguru is dead,” His voice is still just as monotone as before. “I should know, I’m the one who killed him.”

First, your heart drops. Then your eyes widen and your muscles tense up. “What?” You grumble through gritted teeth as you slowly blink up at him as your mind tries to wrap around what he just said. The electric cursed energy you possess begins to flow through you in anger. You can feel the static electricity start to form between the two buns in your hair, like a radio frequency. Your hair begins to float from the friction. Suddenly your arms are free from their shackles. You must’ve tensed up so much that your strength snapped them off.

“That was you?” You say with furrowed brows as your feet naturally start to take a fighting pose. You remember when Kenjaku came back in Suguru’s place that day and explained that he found his body ‘without a host’, aka dead. You didn’t believe it, you never did. Who could’ve possibly killed him? Whoever it was had to be strong, you never guessed it would be Satoru. He was his best friend. And Suguru was still in there. He had to be.

“You know I had to do it. Don’t start this Y/N, you know I’d win.” His hands were still in his pockets and now he was just getting on your nerves. You hated that the first time you heard him say your name again was under these circumstances.

“You’re just going to have to kill me too,” Your tears stop and you reach your arm out to summon your quarterstaff using your cursed wavelength, after a moment it shatters a window and is in your grip, “Gojo.” You twirl your staff around your head and tap it on the ground making the rest of the windows in the hall shatter. You revert to his last name and for a split second, you think you see him release a pained breath but you no longer care. There was no going back for either of you. You were now enemies.

You run at him at full speed while building up your cursed energy in your staff. You had no idea how you were going to get him to turn off his infinity but you were okay with it ending here. There was something so beautiful about dying at Satoru’s hand. As soon as you’re close enough, you jump above him and hit right where his head would be. You can see your attack absorbed by his infinity. However, the floor and the wall behind him weren’t as lucky. They both take a huge hit and crumble away. Why wasn’t he fighting back? Why wasn’t he killing you?

Attack after attack after attack, he just allows you to come at him. You’re extremely angry and you feel like you’re going to explode. You throw your quarterstaff at the wall frustrated and instead walk up to him preparing to try hand-to-hand combat. Your lips are trembling now, you’re a sobbing mess. He finally pulls his hands out of his pockets as you incessantly pound on his infinity until you feel it slowly dwindle. Then your arms make contact with his chest. Tears run down your cheeks as your arms feel his heartbeat where they are resting against him It even annoyed you that his heartbeat came out slower and calmer than yours. Who were you kidding, you didn’t pose a threat to him at all. You may be a special-grade sorcerer but your weakness was him, and maybe you were his too. You fall into him completely exhausted from over-exerting yourself. He allows your forehead to rest on his heart completely swallowed by sadness. You finally gave in and cried your heart out into his chest. He then slowly reaches up to grab your arms, his touch is hesitant but still gentle. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to touch you but does so anyway. He ever so slightly rubs his thumb across your wrist making you raise your head to look at him. Your eyes were wet, your lips were red, and your hair messily fell around your face. You still couldn’t see his eyes, those beautiful eyes, and that stupid blindfold.

“He’s not dead. He can’t be.” You plead again, not even sure what you’re expecting from him anymore. “I-I love him, Satoru.” You can’t believe you’re sitting here telling him this, crying into his chest like you once did what felt like lifetimes ago now, “I know you once loved him too, he was your best friend. Please, plea-”

He brings his hand up to your cheek and caresses it softly before bringing his two forefingers up to your forehead and gently draining you of all your energy, ultimately putting you to sleep. Your eyes roll back in your head and you fall limp into his arms. Satoru leans down to pick you up bridal style before walking over to your quarterstaff and picking it up in one swift motion. You were so light in his arms. Your head lulls on his chest as he carries you to the talisman room. Your hair was completely out of place and your lips were slightly parted as if this was the most comfortable sleep you had gotten in a while. He can't help but stare at you through his blindfold as his chest tightens with emotion. You were the same girl he fell in love with years ago, you just matured and there was a certain confidence in the way you carried yourself that you didn’t do before. Your hair was much longer and your cheeks had thinned out a bit with age. It was so strange seeing you again, now his heart was starting to beat fast. He honestly never thought he’d see you again. When he ran into Suguru last year he was sure you would be with him, fighting alongside him… but you weren't. He had hoped that meant you ran away from it all and maybe even married a nice ordinary man, someone you wanted to marry, settled down, had a family like you always talked about, and abandoned sorcery altogether. But here you were not only before his very eyes but in his arms again, still tied up with his best friend and still tied up with jujutsu sorcery. He wondered what you had been through all this time away from him. He had tried to move on, he did. He’s been on plenty of dates with other women and he even tried pursuing both Utahime and Shoko, they were the closest thing he could get and it wasn’t close at all. Shoko knew he was trying to fill your void and she respected herself too much to give in to his motives. Utahime on the other hand liked him back and for a while, they tried dating but in the end, they just weren’t compatible. None of them were you, you hurt way too much. How was it fair that in the end, you chose Suguru? Did you not love him too? Did you just love him more? Why didn’t you stay?

Satoru was suddenly very thankful that you were asleep and that he had a blindfold on, his tears escaped anyway.

He walked past his room with you in his arms. Part of him wanted to lay you on his bed in hopes that you would wake up and this would all just be a bad dream. You would be back in 2006 laying in his bed again but instead of thinking with his heart, he went with his head. He brought you to the talisman room, sat you in the chair in the center of the room, and left to return to watch the Kyoto Sister School Exchange event.

#bryannawrites #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #geto x reader #suguru x reader #satoru x reader x suguru #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu geto

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undine66770 · 8 months ago

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Introduction Post (pinned) I figured since I've made some new boop-friends and such, I might make a brief little introduction post about me and what you'll expect to see on my blog... even though it's kind of in my blog intro itself. *You can call me Undine! (she/her) it's nice to meet you all and as said before I had so much fun exchanging boops with everyone.

I like a bunch of stuff, but mainly I'm really into things from days gone by such as the oldies but goodies. We're talking:

Music. My listening scope is the 20s-60s; but with a main focus on the '50s-'60s. I even have a big ol' Spotify playlist compiled of my favorite oldies if you're interested in listening to that! There's even earlier music in there too. If you want to check out what kinds of artists I mainly listen to, I have a last.fm profile. It'll give you a better idea! But some of my favorites at the moment are Jim Reeves, Perry Como, Dean Martin, Sanford Clark, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, Gene Vincent, Eddie Cochran, Ricky Nelson, Lola Albright, Hank Williams, Webb Pierce, Faron Young, Starset, Vitas.... Obviously this list is not exhaustive and you can go to my Lastfm and pretty much my tastes are there! I mainly like rock n' roll and classic country but again, Lastfm will tell you!

Movies. I'll admit I don't really have the attention span for much movies but on the occasion that I do, the Golden Age of film is probably my go-to. I have a lot of stuff on my watchlist... procrastination is a big thing with me.

TV series, too. I like the older TV series but I'm into modern stuff as well (I promise I'm not just a boomer, the modern stuff applies to everything else too! /j). I really like the noir and detective noir genres. Some examples of TV series I like include Dragnet, Peter Gunn, Johnny Staccato, Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, the Addams Family, BBC's Merlin (still need to finish), Doctor Who (although unfortunately I've not been able to catch up in a long time so no spoilers please!)

Old-time radio. Dragnet (which originally started as OTR) and Broadway is my Beat are some examples of what I'm into. So going into this, you will probably see me post people or things from the medias above, or others also. Other things I like include:

Pokémon. A bit rusty as I've not played a mainline game nor completed one in a while although wanting to get back into it soon but still like it.

RWBY

History

Worldbuilding and writing!! I even have a new AO3 you can look at HERE!

Playing video games

Photography, one day I hope to learn how to become a great photographer. Besides the above, I'll just browse and reblog things that I think are neat or that I like - variety is to be expected, my blog doesn't really follow a theme. And that is pretty much basically everything that I can think of, off the top of my head! If I think of anything else or get any new interests I will edit this post with the edit date. Welcome to my blog!

#random undine rambles™️

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the-quiet-blogger · 1 year ago

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"The Giggle"

You know it's been a while since I've gone truly absolutely batshit over a Doctor Who episode, but here we are. Spoilers, obviously, under the cut.

First of all: UNIT

While I'm not a huge fan of The Doctor working for/with Earth-based Space police, I think it's a great idea to have the companions in a safe environment where they have a place to use all of the knowledge they've gathered during their journey throughout the starts. They get paid to continue doing what they love and while it does set things up to have future (LIVING) companions to make little cameos (or even an option for a spin-off series, I think that it's ultimately a good choice that RTD decided to let the companions have a space where they can live, grow, and continue to help.

One problem I have with this is that this is exactly where Martha and Mickey went at the end of 10's run -- and yet absolutely 0 (zero) mention of them or their whereabouts. They're the OG companions joining UNIT, so where TF are they??

Also this guy?? The Vlinx?? I both love and hated that we didn't get much explanation for this Guy in the Chair. Just "Oh you're helping?! Sure! Absolutely no reason to think that this new alien and the weird thing that's happening are related ANYWAYS--"

A bit like Panda from JJK where it's just "yeah and this is Vlinx, it works here, moving on,"

LOVE the jab about antivaxxers using the narrative of the Zeedex. It DOES help, but since you're asking the masses (who all wholeheartedly believe that they are right and everyone else is wrong) to put this on, it becomes a bit harder -- we saw how Kate reacted the moment she willfully put it on. Also return of our #Queen for her role as the News Anchor. Glad she has a name now.

Secondly: Donna <3 my absolute beloved. She has grown so fucking much. From yelling at the world because that's the only way to be heard to quietly asking The Doctor what is wrong. She has grown into her own woman, though of course still missing a lot of main action before the metacrisis was resolved (I could write a whole other deep dive about that episode too). When she noticed that the laughter was notes -- "The Giggle" hiding behind the screen, I was so proud of her. This is why the Doctor needs an "every day" human -- and Donna is so blunt that she won't hold back on her observations, though I have to wonder if the whole recorder conversation with Rose was how she came out. I hope so, that's just so chaotic.

I've seen some people argue that there is still some TimeLord in her because of how smart she's been in these last few episodes.

To that I say

"bitch, do you not remember the bees disappearing???"

Donna Noble is a genius and an idiot. Both can exist in the same person, in the same character, and that's exactly what they proved with the previous episode.

and SPEAKING OF her being a genius

She loves The Doctor, not romantically, but in a "platonic soulmate" kind of way that makes my heart full. When she realized that The Doctor never mentioned Mel or any of their adventures, she pointed it out. Not only that, she told The Doctor point-blank that there's always something that the Time Lord seems to be running from. There's never really been a moment when he's stopped and talked about any of the shit that he's been through and she can tell that it's starting to wear on him.

"Maybe that's why your old face came back. You're wearing yourself out"

and he immediately changes the subject and charges forward despite her telling him a harsh truth. She's travelling with him again, sure, but it was supposed to be some short little trip and I think the main reason she went with him in the first place (whether or not she will admit it) is because she saw her friend in crisis and wanted to be around to help -- to figure out what exactly he needed from her. With each episode, she's tried to guess why his old face came back, but nothing stuck.

The fucking puppet show.

Now, I feel like this is a great way to catch up new fans with any old Doctor trauma that they may have missed. It was also a way to shove it into The Doctor's face just how many of his loved ones that he was responsible for killing.

Now, before I hear any one say "but what about ______??"

Rory wasn't as close to The Doctor as Amy had been. "The first face this face saw" and while they did become closer later on, he would always have a special place in his heart for Amy. He watched her die for fucks sake.

Martha wasn't mentioned because as far as he knows, she's still alive and kicking ass. That's part of the reason he will up and abandon certain companions, so he doesn't get them hurt.

The Fam - left behind and alive. Remember 2/3 of the original Fam chose to step away from the TARDIS and Yaz was left before 13 could regenerate as she "needed to do this on [her] own". While, yes, I'm sure the Doctor feels guilty about leaving them behind, it's not nearly as bad as getting them killed.

Anyone else had either survived as far as The Doctor was aware, or hadn't been as close as those particular companions. That is why those 3 were chosen.

Now, back to the puppet show

Mentioning not only the lost companions but also the Flux

God I do not have the time to go into this half-assed recreation of a tragedy trying to be as big and bad as the Time War and Gallifrey. I feel like Chris Chibnall felt snubbed with a female presenting Doctor and gave us the most half-written mediocre bull shit he could have. RTD is already having to fix it with mentioning it several times and exactly what happened in the aftermath. Just looking up "Doctor Who Flux" you get so many results that all try to "explain" it.

If your audience has to look up how your writing makes sense, you aren't smarter or cleverer than the masses, it's just shit writing.

However,

While the actual Flux episodes and following regeneration made it hard to understand not only what happened, RTD breaks it down.

There was a terrible decision to be made. The universe was dying. The Doctor had to choose and a lot of deaths now lay on the Time Lord's shoulders.

BUT! That was also the only piece of The Doctor's trauma that couldn't be waved away with

Which is when The Doctor challenged the Toymaker to a game.

Back too 2023, we get...quite honestly one of the best scenes I've seen in New Who, only rivalled by Here Come the Drums with the Master dancing along. No, Rasputin doesn't come close to this cunty rendition of Spice Up Your Life.

Amazing, cunty, terrifying, entertianing, and fun.

"I think they're still falling" -- BITCH?!?!?! Ugh. I want more of the Toymaker. What a fun villain and Neil Patrick Harris knocked it out of the goddamn park. No matter what you thought about this episode, this dance routine was a highlight.

I also love the reference to when The Doctor had tried to reason with The Master, asking to go amongst the stars with fun filled adventures, taking on the burden of being their jailer and caretaker for the rest of eternity if it meant that humanity was safe.

Of course, we all know what comes after the Toymaker refuses the call to the stars.

I immediately started crying. Before The Doctor even started with those last words, I wasn't ready to say goodbye. We went from "I don't want to go" to "allons-y". From him dying alone in his TARDIS to being immediately surrounded by loved ones

"He's not dying alone"

And he didn't have to.

I choked on my crying so hard I almost died myself. I know David Tennant had always said that he thought The Doctor was asexual to some degree, but this is just ridiculous. /pos

But, when you consider the salt line at the edge of the universe and how that myth became a reality because of The Doctor's actions -- the fact that bigeneration was once a myth and now a reality suddenly opens up a whole door of possibilities for this upcoming season with Ncuti Gawa.

Now, The Doctor(s)

14 was consistently surprised in their actions, their off-the-hand comments. Something that 10 always struggled with was saying how much people meant to them.

And one thing about 14, they are filled with love. They openly say "I love ____" whereas 10 never did.

"Rose Tyler, I--"

Having to leave those he loved behind, never wanting to admit when he cared more than he did. As long as he spun and ran away from his feelings, they could never catch up to him. Right?

14 is different, always saying "I'm here", "You're okay" and slinging around the word "love" as if they would never grow tired of it. 14, obviously, is The Doctor after Amy, Clara, Billie, and the Fam. After avoiding a family with the Ponds, losing Clara after realizing they were toxic for her, a friend who never expected anything more from them, and Yaz's fam who only wanted to be a safe space for them to be able to turn to. Yaz, the last companion that was pushed away by The Doctor, had loved them and told them so and gotten nothing in return.

And there were so many different ways that 14 showed this love. So many hugs!! So many reassurances!! And so much love that The Doctor was sharing amongst everyone who could hear them -- and yet not a drop of that love or compassion showed inwards.

I am so emotional about this hug, it's not even funny. Literally healing their younger self. The love, the understanding, the "I'm here" -- finally someone who understands literally everything 14 has gone through. The acceptance of the hug (THE TUCK INTO THE NECK?!?!?FSKFBWILDNLADN) I fell to my knees!!!!! SOBBING!!!!!!!!

BUT!!! Not only is 15 born on the battlefield, but also born surrounded by love and fun. Pants or not, 15 is ready to save the world and make it a good time for those around them. Self assured, fun, smiling, and loving-- 15 jumps into the world with a confused hug and love for their past & current self. After years of therapy, I keep hearing some of the same phrases along the lines of "you have to look to your past/younger self and let them know that it's okay, that they shouldn't have had to go through all of that alone" and this was exactly that, only on a Time Lord scale.

Now, personally, I had fun watching the game of catch with the Toymaker after 15 was introduced. I thought it was a fun way to share the spotlight with Gawa as the 15th Doctor and let the audience know some hints as to what we have to look forward to.

The terms of endearment melted my little heart. I'm always a sucker for a good nickname, both in real life and in fiction and 15 was full of them.

"Honey, sweetie, pumpkin pie, you are too traumatized to be flying the TARDIS right now, get OUT and take a NAP"

That was basically what was said, right?

And then this...home. The Doctor having a family. This is quite honestly the perfect, happiest ending that The Doctor wearing this particular face could have had. All those years running away, fighting hard, and keeping on a strong face, and this is what that was for. All that running and avoiding, and love for everyone else but themself and now they finally can take a break and focus on taking time to say "what the hell". Maybe go to therapy. There's so much fic potential for this as well, the kinds of companions they could run into casually or little every day struggles that are literally alien to them.

I've seen a lot of posts upset that this plot point seemed to be circling around two points: 1) this a repeat of the metacrisis ending and 2) not the first time The Doctor had domestic bliss.

To that, I say:

the metacrisis Doctor was half human and would be able to grow old with Rose in that parallel universe. It was also the traumatic ending of the DoctorDonna (or so we thought) and on that beach, the Doctor, the Time Lord Doctor, still couldn't say how much Rose meant to him. He also said that living life, day after day, was the one thing that he could never have.

2. On Tranzalore, The Doctor was not resting. He was taking care of the tear in the universe and defending it from the monsters that would constantly be on the attack. Every day was a fight. And when he spent those 24 years with River Song, he knew that this was the last time they would meet before her end. How can you relax when you know that these are the last moments you're going to have with your loved one. You watched them die and this is the best that you can do with them in their last days, knowing that you can't stop death from coming.

And there is something so incredibly healing about The Doctor allowing themselves to stay here, with only occasional trips to the Moon with their favorite niece. and the possibility of them perhaps becoming a Curator -- who knows!!

And now we have Ncuti Gawa's 15th Doctor to look forward to and all of time and space!! I am so incredibly excited to see where this takes us on Christmas.

#basically: AAAAHHHHHH OH MY GOD #fourteenth doctor #doctor who #doctor who 60th anniversary #doctor donna #14th doctor #rant post #tumblr essay #welcome ncuti gawa #Doctor Who is Not Dedd

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dbphantom · 5 months ago

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Just finished Skypiea with the bestie (not telling him G-8 is filler because I fucking love G-8) and damn I need to ramble about one piece. I'm gonna ramble about one piece. I love one piece.

Mild spoilers for most recent chapters below the cut just to address Things and Stuff

Mostly because I want the Cross Guild to reach it first so that Buggy will use it to declare himself PK. Marineford foreshadowing.

I know it is kind of being undermined rn but I still want to believe that either the OP (unlikely) or something with the OP (more likely, still unlikely) will allow whoever finds it to communicate with the entire world directly

But on a more serious note I think it would eventually be used to broadcast the true story of the Straw Hat Pirates (and probably also the Void Century, given Robin's dream + the Rio Poneglyph) to the entire world, kinda like the ending of TAZ.

I hope the reason Roger n his crew were too early wasn't solely because of a prophecy (poseidon not being born yet I can cope w/ yknow), but because they wanted to free the world from the WG and they knew if they told the truth to the entire world right then, too many people would die in the resulting uprisings and the movement would be smothered.

(I think this is also why Crocus is hanging at reverse mountain and Rayleigh is vibing on Sabaody. They are like 'check-in' points for pirates on the grand line, so they're just making sure things go smoothly. Also probably why Shanks was going after the Nika fruit bc if they are trying to weaken the WG's hold on people, having an old god of freedom and icon of hope running around would help. And why he showed up at Marineford. Also also I hope the man the burn scar is another of Roger's old crew. Scopper Gaban, I miss you every day...)

But the polical climate of the OP world is changing a lot in the current day, and I think the reason Roger chose to be executed instead of dying to the disease was to have a grand stage so he could set up the Great Pirate Era. Essentially his final words would kickstart a new world where people are more comfortable living and trading and exchanging information on the rising seas. They won't be stuck isolated on their islands and therefore easier to control by the WG.

I said in the above that recent chapters are kind of undermining this and that's bc obviously we already have the tech to broadcast to the entire world, so why tf would the OP or something as important to be included with the OP be that? But I personally think the den dens are too easily controlled/interfered with by the Marines. They were still able to cut off VP's message and (unintentionally) deflect the blame of his death onto the SHs despite his best efforts and he's probably the smartest person in the OP universe. So I think a way to 'directly' communicate (be it telepathically or via memory transfer or a comic book or whatever) so that the truth can come out would be neat. Fuck censorship. Stay silly. Uphold freedom. Or something.

Also the manga is named One Piece and I think the final broadcast reaching us through dimensions would be cool af. I'm sorry, I really just think it would be neat, that's the reason I am writing this. It'd be so cool and I love stories that get meta 🤩

Anyway yeah I just finished rewatching Skypiea and given just how many parallels are within it compared to the rest of the series I will continue to hold on to this belief that the one piece is the EOS equivalent of the golden bell. It guides lost souls home. And home is currently at the bottom the ocean so I think we are all lost souls

... That's so romantic 💙

(Also ngl the end of Skypiea is also why I believe in Space Piece so much... I want terraforming so fucking bad bro... Ship coating and knock-up streams and the space pirates and the kingdom on the moon HAVE to come back, right? Please please please please please please please please please-)

Anyway if you actually read this, thank you, here is my favorite panel of Hawkins

#Even if this is all bogus (likely)#I still maintain my reasoning for why Roger felt they were too early #If they wanted to stop the WG/CDs from total control then things had to change #So he starts a pirate era to keep people comfortable and communicating and exchanging ideas and helping each other via the sea #Because he knows the sea levels are going to keep rising until probably only the red line is left #Cruddy rambles

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dreamingsushi · 1 year ago

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Eternal Love - Overall Review

It took a few years in the making, but there we are and finally I finished my recaps of this series. It was somewhat challenging since I knew all of the major events to happen, yet I had to make sure not to include them in any of my recaps before it actually happened. My fingers might have slipped here and there, but I truly did my best.

Plot

It’s quite the feat to manage summarizing the story of this drama in a few lines without revealing everything. Let’s just say that this about a love story between two immortals, spanning on three different lives. There is a lot of trials, a lot of pain, but also a lot of magic, in any kind of way you can give to this word. Since elaborating on the plot line itself would risk giving away spoilers, which is not the point of this review, I will focus on the characters and their relationship.

We can all agree that Bai Qian/Si Yin/Susu is the main character of this story. She's there from the beginning to the end. I would like to mention the complexity of this character. At times she's quirky, at others she's an elder that no one would dare confront. What I liked about her is that she's very consistent in her character. She's a proud lady and she won't take being insulted, although she's actually a softy deep down inside and can't really hold a grudge for real, it's only to keep face. She's also extremely loyal. I loved that we got to have a strong lady as a main lead. A strong lady that hates to depend even on her partner, even though she relied maybe a little too much on her master, but that's a different story. She made sense, from A to Z. She wasn't perfect, no she had plenty of flaws, but that's what made her even more relatable and actually admirable. Her relationship with Yehua sometimes evolved weirdly, it felt maybe like we could have used a little more development, but at the same time... it wasn't illogical at all.

And I can't talk about Bai Qian without mentioning Yehua, right? Seriously, that character is everything. I loved how we portrayed his struggles, why he strives so much to please everyone and do the right thing, all the time. It was painful, yet blissful to see his growth, seeing him discover love and happiness along the hardships. The guy was obviously a little too powerful, but I liked the openness he had about his feelings towards Bai Qian, how he was set on one thing and wouldn't change his mind. He needs still to learn about communication, because that would have solved many issues and saved a lot of tears on my part, but he's still young. 70 000 something years old, that ain't that old right?

The one part of the storyline that I really didn't like is the one between Donghua and Fengjiu. My problem isn't that their love isn't fated to be fulfilled, but rather that it's pathetic. To me, Fengjiu liking Donghua doesn't make sense. It feels more like a fan who is mistaken between feelings of love and feelings of admiration. I'm also not a fan of people hanging on to others, even though it's not meant to be, it's just annoying. She kept clinging onto him and I just don't appreciate seeing women portrayed that way.

But let's talk about one my favourite pair of characters: Zhe Yan and Bai Zhen. Those two. Seriously. Who wouldn't like them? It's obvious that they are a little bit more than friends, even though it is never openly said in the drama. But they just fight like an old married couple all the time. I think one of my favourite moment is when Zheyan makes a new arm for Yehua, arguing that it would look bad on his wedding day with Bai Qian if he only had one, and that just totally made sense as an explanation to Bai Zhen, who also agrees. It's just lovely how they always think of each other, in every circumstances. Plus, even though most of the time they are rather carefree, they both are really powerful characters and I think without their help, our main characters would never have found each other.

Li Jing is also a character that has shown a lot of growth during the drama. Perhaps under the influence of Bai Qian. He really broke my heart, because he did try his best, even though that wasn't enough.

Now let's mention the two ladies antagonizing Bai Qian: Xuan Nü and Sujin. Whereas Xuan Nü is pitiful, Sujin is despicable. Both ladies got to grow up next to people who were important, but the first one was always remembered of her low status, while the other one felt entitled to everything. They both tried to take away the men from Bai Qian and both failed. And I must say, I really liked Xuan Nü's character. To be more correct I guess, I must say that I liked disliking her. She's ready to do anything to get whatever she wants and gets delusional in the end. Basically, she created her own hell herself, crafted it one piece at a time. Her downfall was slow, painful and led her to lose her mind. That was actually fabulous in way. On the other hand, Sujin character's didn't impress me as much. She's just a spoiled lying brat who's used to get what she wants, on the pretext that her family died for the celestial group. She has always coveted what doesn't belong to her so yeah. They just made her into an ugly character that didn't have much depth. I don't like female characters like that, because I think it puts woman in a bad light.

Over all, the plot was pretty decent. I remember though when I tried to explain it to my sisters, they thought I was crazy for watching something like this haha. I mean, stuff happens in Chinese dramas sometimes, it's okay. It wasn't perfect and some stuff were very frustrating, but it's an overall 8/10 for me.

Acting

Here, I would say I'm biased. I'm a huge Yang Mi's fan. She's just great. So to me, she did an awesome job, with all the little habits the character has. She keeps pushing them forward and it looks natural. I loved the subtle differences between Susu and Bai Qian, coming from her memory loss. Loved also when she was acting as Xuan Nü stealing Bai Qian's face. You can see that she's talented and polyvalent. There's not a time I didn't believe that what happened. was real.

And I can't say one thing wrong about Zhao Youting's acting either. He was beyond expectations, as Moyuan and Yehua. How much his gaze would mean a lot, you could know what he felt just through his eyes. Both Yehua and Moyuan weren't very expressive characters, mostly cold to anyone but Bai Qian (as they should), but it didn't feel like the usual "I'm trying to look like I'm cold so I'm just not acting". There were nuances all along, making it alive instead of zombie like. You could feel all the warmth those two characters had to offer once they started liking someone. Especially as Yehua, who was a character that grew up with so much pressure on him.

I'm not going to spend too much time on the other characters, because otherwise this review is going to be overly long. However, I still have a few actors to praise. Both Sujin and Xuan Nü did an amazing job, especially Xuan Nü towards the end, when she was on her downfall and getting crazier by the day. Those two ladies, albeit having a not so nice personna did a very good job. They made me feel exactly how I should towards them. Pity, hatred, resentment... All of that. The actor for Siming was also hilarious, while very good at the more serious occasions. Loved loved Alan Yu as Bai Zhen, but this guy is just so precious, I always want to pinch his cheeks in general, but even more so in this character. Do I have to mention baby Ali? That child is soooo adorable. Obviously, they were pretty young back then so it wasn't perfect, but it felt so naive and real, I loved it. Even though I am not a fan of Fengjiu, Dilraba Dilmurat did an awesome job. She's a master at pouting while still looking adorable. We could feel all the melancholy of her character from her unfulfilled romance. She did great also looking all feisty for her aunt when she felt she was being bullied.

The only character I wasn't so fond of his acting was... Gao Weiguang as Donghua. Whereas Zhao Youting portrays beautifully a cold character, it didn't make the cut for me in Donghua's case. It felt very awkward for me. Not to say he didn't do a good job, it's just that compared to Zhao Youting, it didn't stand a chance.

Overall, this drama gets a lot of point for the acting. I didn't even mention all of the wonderful characters, because there are just too many to talk about each of them. However I would say a majority did a stellar job. So this gets a 9/10, losing points for some of the side characters that were a little less enticing.

Soundtrack

I think it is no secret that I just looooove Eternal Love's soundtrack. Both the opening and the ending of the drama are on my playlist, I almost never skip it when it comes along and they both figure on my KTV must sing list. It's just beautiful, it pairs well with the drama and the story. What else can I say?

But it's not all about the opening and the ending. Whenever there was music in this drama, I couldn't help but be delighted. It always was most fitting to the actual action right at that moment. It was perfection. Whenever I heard the notes starting to play, I was right into the feels, it set the tone for whatever was happening. They did an awesome job in my opinion.

Overall, this is a 10/10, it was just perfect. I couldn't ask for anything better than that.

Aesthetic and costumes

So this being an older drama, it's going to lose a little bit of points here. Not because it's bad, it's just... old. If I did my review right when it first aired, the score might have been different, but how well.

Let's first talk about costumes. I would say I loved most of them? It wasn't all perfect, but the costumes really fitted each of the characters personality, and very well at that. I especially enjoyed Yehua's costume and his head pieces. Lexu and Sujin were also beautifully dressed all the time. I think they had the most intricate costumes of the drama. Perhaps alongside with Xuan Nü as she was queen of Yi. I wasn't such a fan of Bai Qian's clothes half of the time. I liked her monocolour clothing more than the multicolour ones. Sometimes the colours kind of didn't fit together and it bothered my eyes. I also couldn't help but think that her headpieces must have been very uncomfortable. But one thing I really liked was the consistency of the hairstyles for the Fox tribe people. Their hair were pulled back in a similar manner for all of them, except Fengjiu and Bai Zhen, for some mysterious reason. I also liked the general simplicity of the costumes for most characters. As much as I like beautiful clothing, I enjoyed that instead of focusing on what they were wearing, I would focus more on their facial expressions and their body language.

About the visuals... There were beautiful scenes (especially in Kunlunxu, Qingqiu and the Peach Blossom forest), but the unfortunate thing was that most of it were painting or pictures and we could see quite clearly the cut around the actors. It wasn't very seamless and kind of ruined part of the thing for me. Also, the beasts and creatures looked really cheap. Probably because they weren't as advanced in that field. But if I look back, it wasn't that much better in Till the End of the Moon which is much more recent. So overall, they really didn't do too bad, right?

So overall, this would be a 7/10, but mostly because it didn't age that well. It's pretty impressive for back then and this is actually a pretty good rating in my opinion.

Should you watch this drama?

I 100% recommend to watch Eternal Love. I think it belongs to the classics in terms of drama, even though it's not that old. It has everything a good story needs. The character development is super interesting. The acting is superior. The story is enticing and of course, there are some toxicity as to be expected of something a little older, but it's not overly present compared to other dramas. Actually, toxic traits during the relationship was something to work on. Seriously, this is a solid 9/10, I watched it twice and if I ever have some more time, I would rewatch without hesitation.

List of full recaps

All / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33 / 34 / 35 / 36 / 37 / 38 / 39 / 40 / 41 / 42 / 43 / 44 / 45 / 46 / 47 / 48 / 49 / 50 / 51 / 52 / 53 / 54 / 55 / 56 / 57 / 58

#eternal love #yang mi #zhao youting #dilraba dilmurat #gao weiguang #xuanhuan #xuanhuan drama #costume drama #cdrama #c-drama #chinese drama #drama review #drama recommentation

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elliepassmore · 2 years ago

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The Stolen Heir review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: fantasy, magic, quests, road trips, morally gray characters, The Cruel Prince, Holly Black This book takes place in the same world as the Cruel Prince trilogy and features some of the same characters. I don't think you need to read that trilogy for this book to make sense since it's from a different POV anyway and thus there's new information and the main character fills in the relevant details from that series. That being said, it is spoilery for the CP trilogy, so if you haven't read that and are planning to, keep in mind there are major spoilers. The plot of this book centers around a quest that involves going back to the Court of Teeth (which technically doesn't exist). We get the plot in bits and pieces since Oak is keeping things fairly close to his chest. I suspect that the main plot of this book will have little bearing on the main plot of the next book. Rather, one of the side plots bubbled up at the end of this book and that is what I think will be the overarching plot for the duology. We get to see Queen Annet's court in this one along with Wren's old court. The Court of Moths is one of the Unseelie courts but it actually doesn't seem as bad as it could be. I really liked the seamstress, she added some flavor to things. The Court of Teeth was just as frozen and terrible as you might imagine. I actually kind of liked some of the imagery there for a villain's lair, it was definitely unique. The palace there also introduces some interesting ideas that I'm curious to see if they play a role in the next book. Here we follow Suren, Wren, another stolen child. Wren has had a difficult life but still yearns for things to be just. She's one of the Fair Folk, but instead of using going around tricking mortals and being a general nuisance, which is what most solitary folk do, Wren instead goes around and undoes the tricks and chaos of the other Folk. She's an interesting character because she is both vicious and kind, suspicious and soft, and that reflects in her actions and thoughts. I liked following Wren as the POV character because she brings some unique experiences and perspectives to the table and is in an interesting spot of being new to the world while also very much being a part of it. She also undergoes an interesting development over the course of the book and while she certainly goes stronger and more confident, there's also a bit of a...corruption arc, we'll say, that occurs as well. I'm very, very curious to see where Wren is in the next book because I don't think the place she's in at the end of this book is static in the least. Oak doesn't get his own POV in this one, but I've heard he gets one in the next one, which should be interesting. He's a very different character from the kid in the CP trilogy. For one, he's a major flirt and seems to be open to flirting with anything that so much as glances at him. He does seem to be very self-aware of his ability to charm people though, and he has some funny commentary about this ability and his late half-brother. He's also turned into a rather formidable opponent, which is quite the contrast from when he was a child. You can definitely see the influences of the people who raised him, particularly in his fighting, because...um...Jude and Madoc have no chill. Interestingly, he's a fairly slippery character to get a read on. He obviously loves his family very, very much and is willing to do anything for them, even if it puts himself in danger. Oak also doesn't seem to want to hurt other people unnecessarily. But at the same time he was raised by his father, a traitorous ex-general; his sister Jude, who was a spy and is now a queen; his BIL Cardan, the king and someone who can weasel his way in (and out) of anything; his other sister Taryn, who is queen of manipulation; his mother, an ex-courtier who is also very good at manipulating people; and a literal band of spies (poor Vivi never had the slightest chance at making him even semi-normal)...all of which I'm using to say that Oak learned how to hide his intentions from the very best and it's hard to get a read on him without being in his head. Tiernan is a guard/spy and is Oak's friend. He's along on the quest and is a bit of a prickly character. He's not a huge fan of Wren because he thinks she'll stab Oak in the back, and probably for other reasons that are sort of implied. Despite his relatively dour attitude toward Wren, he has genuine comradeship with Oak and cares when his friend throws himself into danger. He also has a complicated relationship with their other traveling companion, Hyacinthe. Tiernan does warm up to Wren over the course of the book and they're more friendly, if not friends, by the end of the book. I liked Tiernan's character, despite his prickliness, and thought he provided a good balance to Oak's sunniness. Hyacinthe is the last side character and is also a bit difficult to read at first. He's one of the falcons, though his curse removal has gone a bit haywire and he's now mostly human...or Folk, whatever. He's a reluctant helper on the journey, though he's more than willing to throw warnings Wren's way about various things, largely because it hinders Oak and Tiernan's plans. Hyacinthe actually ends up doing the right thing and he seems like a friend to Wren by the end. I have a feeling he'll play a bigger role in the next book and I'm curious to see what kind of influence, if any, he'll have on Wren. For fans of the CP trilogy, we do get numerous mentions of Jude and Cardan, though we don't see them in this book. It sounds like they've been doing alright in the intervening years between the end of How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories and the opening of this book. Jude still sounds ruthless as ever and Carden is very much still a malewife, to the point where side characters and villains alike comment on it. We even get some mentions of Taryn, Vivi, and Heather, and I'll be tentative in saying Taryn sounds like she's gotten herself straightened out and isn't so terrible anymore (but who knows). I'm super excited to see more of everyone in the next book! Overall it's a good book. The romance is a lot more subtle in my opinion than with CP, but I also think that better fits who Wren is. Both Wren and Oak are complicated characters and I'm interesting to see how they develop in the next book. I also liked how Tiernan and Hyacinthe both built a friendship with Wren, and I'm curious about how things play out with that in the next book. Plus how things play out on a more personal level with Tiernan and Hyacinthe.

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mizkit · 1 year ago

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new blog post: Recent Reads: Starbridge

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/recent-reads-starbridge/

Recent Reads: Starbridge

Recent Reads: Starbridge, AC Crispin (amazon affiliate)

This is one of my favorite books. It’s a first contact story, led by a teenage girl, and I was the same age as the protagonist when I first read it, which probably helped cement its place near and dear to my heart. :)

Mahree Burroughs (I only noticed the nod to Edgar Rice there in this reading!) is a human from an Earth colony, on her way to Earth for the first time to go to college. Their ship, captained by her uncle, picks up a signal that doesn’t seem to be natural, and the adventures of First Contact begin, with culture clash, social expectation, and secrets being kept on both sides escalating to system-wide danger.

The characters are pretty well-realized, all around. From an adult perspective, Mahree is kind of annoying with her concerns about being ‘just ordinary,’ which, well, for one thing, you’re the protagonist of a book, kid, so you’re obviously not that ordinary. But she’s just barely 17, and let’s face it, there’s a lot about 17 year olds that’s annoying, so honestly, I can’t fault the characterization there, and I can assure you it didn’t bother me at all when I was on the edge of 17 myself. :)

Nearly all of it ages surprisingly well: the tech is mostly not described so thoroughly as to be dated, and while the hero’s fascination with 20th century movies is perhaps a stretch, it’s also a nice touchstone for 20th (and 21st) century readers. And also, it’s a thing for that character, not everybody; lots of the other characters think he’s slightly bonkers for liking these old movies. :) Mahree uses ‘cassettes’ to record her memories, but technologically speaking, I’m like “yeah, ok, that works well enough,” even if a modern writer would probably use different tech for a teenager’s daily diary. (And 30 years from now, that would be outdated too!)

What does *not* age well, and which is a problem in at least the second book of the series as well, is that the teen protagonist embarks on a romantic relationship with an adult; in this case the 24 year old medical prodigy Rob Gable, who is very young for his job but is also, undoubtably through his characterization, a grown-up. There was a brief time reading this one where I thought that the years on Mahree’s home world were longer, and so she was perhaps 17 by her calendar but somewhat older by Earth standard, but…unfortunately, no. It’s not a coersive relationship, and in 1989 it didn’t bother me aaaaaat aaalllll, but it’s not 1989 anymore and I now 100% find it squicky.

THAT SAID, one of the things I like (and we get into proper spoiler territory here) is that Mahree is at least able to recognize she’s not in the same place on her journey as Rob is, and later books make it clear that their relationship, which I do actually accept is based in love and admiration, is also…not really terribly successful in a lot of ways. Which doesn’t exactly make up for the squick factor, but it does make their overall arc a little better, from this side of time.

The much stronger, non-romantic relationship in the book is with Mahree’s new alien friend, who casts his lot in with Mahree in order to try to prevent the adults in their lives from making extremely bad mistakes.

There were several scenes that, in this reading, got me choked up. I don’t remember that happening before, but god, I’ve become a moosh, and they were obviously well-written enough to really get me right in the feels. Overall, even with the “augh I wish they hadn’t gone there” aspect of the romantic storyline, the book still really, really works for me as an adventure, a coming of age, and a launch pad for the longer series. I’ll be re-reading the series over the next few months, and I’m almost certain I’ll review the second one independently too, because it’s ALSO one of my favorite books, but IDK yet if I’ll do all of them or if I’ll just lump the later ones together. :)

WE ARE NOT ALONE, AND WE’RE ABOUT TO MEET OUR NEIGHBORS.

After more than a hundred years of space travel, a stray radio signal indicates the possibility that alien life might exist. The crew of the Désirée has no training in interstellar diplomacy and a minor dispute turns to disaster that could escalate into a full scale war.

Can the bond formed between two very different friends be strong enough to bridge their differences and save their people? Come along in this first book in the StarBridge Series in an exciting journey across the stars in a desperate gamble to save both their worlds.

Starbridge, AC Crispin (amazon affiliate) at Amazon!

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bethnalgreen · 1 year ago

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Dead Mountain preview chapters

So, the new novel in Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child's Nora Kelly (and Corrie Swanson) series is out in about a week. I ordered my copy from the Poisoned Pen because I want the collectible cards. (Sorry, guys, don't really care that it's an "autographed" first edition.) I used to be a B&N bookseller, so I know people who order from there or Amazon tend to receive the book on the release date, while I'll have to wait a week or two. Fortunately, Amazon has a sample available online that I can obsess over in the meantime.

Spoilers for the new book (and previous books in the series) ahead!

Chapter 1: It's late October. Two frat guys get stuck in the snow in the New Mexico mountains. They proceed to get drunk and stoned, crawl into a cave for shelter, and find human remains.

Chapter 2: She's back! My favorite character, Special Agent Corinne/Corrine Swanson, appears. (Has Hachette fired all their proofreaders? Come on, it's kind of essential that you figure out how the first name of your co-heroine is spelled.)

It appears that Corrie has spent the past few months on boring FBI assignments after the shit-show that wrapped up Diablo Mesa. I find the mention of debriefings and lie detector tests reassuring; I wondered how much she told her superiors about what happened. Apparently, she told them everything. Unfortunately, it looks like she's gotten screwed over again with regards to commendations, promotions, etc. because of the case's classified nature. Typical. (Can't FBI agents get commendations or decorations for classified work? It seems like Pendergast has a few of those in his jacket.)

Her boss now has a case for her, and introduces her to her new mentor, Agent Sharp. (RIP, Hale Morwood.) Corrie notices that his clothes and haircut are better than typical FBI issue. He's pretty quiet, has an accent she can't quite place, and has a reputation for being somewhat of a lone wolf. Hmm, reminds me of someone ...

Anyway, her boss assigns her the human-remains-in-the-mountains case, and Corrie and Sharp leave posthaste.

Just a small rant here. This chapter states Corrie's been at the Albuquerque FO for about a year. Excuse me, it's been ALMOST TWO YEARS. She started her assignment in ABQ in January 20xx. The meat of the story in Old Bones took place in May/June. The events of Scorpion's Tail took place three months later (fall of 20xx). Diablo Mesa took place six months after that (spring of the next year). Dead Mountain explicitly starts four months later, on Halloween. That's nearly two years. Her probationary period should almost be up already. Sometimes I wonder if the authors are deliberately messing with the timeline to keep Corrie in stasis, or whether they just can't be bothered with consistency.

Chapter 3: We begin with another inconsistency. We're told that Morwood was forced into a mentoring role by an "injury," but it was actually his interstitial lung disease.

Corrie learns a little more about the Manzano Mountains region and gets snarky about the "need" for hundreds of nuclear weapons. Sharp seems to appreciate the sarcasm.

We're introduced to a deputy for Torrance County, who reminds Corrie of her "friend," Sheriff Watts of Socorro County. She wonders what Watts is up to. This is interesting ... he asked her out in Diablo Mesa, and she pretty much accepted. It's now four months later, she obviously hasn't been too busy, and they haven't gone on that date yet? In fact, it doesn't even sound like she's really kept in touch with him. Maybe later chapters will clarify this situation and explain how in the world he's surviving with only one of his Colt Peacemakers.

The deputy seems decent enough, but the big kahuna himself, Sheriff Hawley, is yet another of the male LEOs that Corrie runs into all too often. Calls her "young lady" even after she's identified herself as FBI and refuses to leave the scene (which he's stomping all over without protective gear) until the MALE FBI agent threatens him. Sigh.

Side note: I got an email from Poisoned Pen, which refers to an "evil sheriff" in this novel. Does Hawley have something to do with the "Dead Mountain" cold case that Corrie and Nora are going to investigate? On the other hand, one Goodreads review says that the plotline with Nora, Skip, and the sheriff goes nowhere. Is he just evil for evil's sake, then?

Anyway, Corrie goes into the cave and sees the human remains. And there the preview abruptly ends.

I feel like there's a lot of unpack here, and we don't even know what's going on with Nora and her billionaire boyfriend!

As much as I bitch about continuity errors in these books (I guess you never stop being a copy editor) I almost always really enjoy them. I expect I'll devour Dead Mountain as fast as I can, give it a chance to digest, and then read it again for things I missed the first time. And I'll definitely login to watch Preston and Child's appearance at the Poisoned Pen on publication day.

Anyone who reads this, feel free to speculate on what might happen in the book. I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to drag ...

#deadmountain #prestonchild #corrieswanson #norakelly #augusthrillers #hachette

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dtw42 · 2 years ago

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Crossword reminiscence #1

First in a series looking back at my old crosswords.

Far back in the swirling mists of time (this is poncy-speak for ‘I have lost the date details’) my first ever crossword appeared on t’internet in the ‘Guest Puzzles’ area of the Alberich Crosswords site created by the late great Neil Shepherd. This was long before I adopted my current setternym of Skirwingle, so it used the name Marvin ... maybe I’ll use that again one day. The clue surfaces were ... well, let’s say less polished than I might hope to achieve today, but in my defence I was imposing some quite tough constraints on myself.

The original is still available here, but I think enough time has passed to allow me to also reproduce it below.

CLUES

Midday food including a bit of wadding from which Apollo was shot, amongst many (6,3)

Typographic layout involving caryatids, possibly (8)

Cry out our quahog should go first (7)

Ask: was it turning too far right, symbolically? (8)

Much ballyhoo found at a fairground (4-2)

Slowly start to kill animals, causing row (5)

Jocular chap aboard cart (5)

Hard knock to light way of burning off paint, say (9)

Hold up! Don’t go! (4)

Conscript’s in conduit (6)

Wrongly put as “pimply”, possibly? (8)

Whip hanky out – ta! (5,3)

Irish intimidators start to quail in this hot country (4)

“You twit,” says Stan to comic pal? That’s rash (9)

Shout out from a military building (7)

It's going round sun on tracks with a sort of thrombosis (8)

Dub carton “thing to ring from” (4,3)

Initially lacking in puns or good rational anagrams – must show what this crossword is (8)

Look into top of cranium for a mollusc (7)

Old autocrat not finishing crazy mix-up (4)

Tacky path? (6)

It throws Kitty a poor, untidy London taxi, initially (8)

Canopy's put aslant (4)

A position by a batsman is absurd (5)

Virtuous as a harpsichord (8)

Catalog fruity mix as “a standstill” (3,3)

Put shroud round capacity for a lavatory (9)

Vulgar jollity at Oxford? (5)

Yes, this was also before the days of online solving apps, so you’ll have to [gasp!] print it out or draw on it with a graphics program or something.

Spoilers follow...

This was an exercise in ‘constrained writing’ – OuLiPo, if you like. A lipogram is a work that deliberately excludes the use of a particular letter. Obviously, given the massive variances in letter frequency in English, you could easily write a novel excluding the letter ‘x’ and practically nobody would even notice, but try excising ‘e’ or ‘t’ (our language’s most commonly used vowel and consonant) and things become a lot trickier.

Filling a grid with lipogrammatic answer words is also not really particularly tricky (in fact, Crossword Compiler software has a setting where you can specify the alphabet to use in a puzzle, so deleting, say, ‘e’ from that and then running an autofill practically automates the process), but the challenge I set myself was to omit ‘e’ from not just the answers but the clues as well.

Solution is here.

The gridfill is otherwise pangrammatic. Hmm, does that make it penpangrammatic? I hope it wasn’t too clunky. It’s kind of a shame that the word ‘Clues’ has got an ‘e’ in it really, because that heading spoils things a little. Still, it got me hooked and only a few short years [ahem] later I was coughing new puzzles up on a more or less monthly basis.

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mickeys-malarkey · 2 years ago

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I can't hold my Bendy theories in anymore!!

I've only got a few people to infodump to about Bendy IRL, I'm just so excited after watching the BATDR trailer and reading all the new theories that I can barely sleep or get any work done, and now that we have an official release date they can't chicken out if my theories are correct rofl. So, here I go!

Fair Warning: There's no way to avoid it, this is gonna have so many spoilers for all the current Bendy games and books (well, except BINR. But there's also not really a story in that one) that I'm just gonna have to assume that if you're still reading past this point, you've either already played/read the entire series (obviously minus BATDR) or you don't care about spoilers!

Pt. 1/3: Expanding (Mostly) On My TIOL Thoughts

As I said in my thought summaries here and on Twitter, I hate Nathan Arch. Dude literally sets off every single alarm bell I have, I don't understand why nobody else seems freaked the heck out by him… *shudders* I'm convinced that he's the answer to theMeatly's question.

To start off, I'd like to point out that… Nathan says his notes exist to “provide context for the contemporary reader,” which sounds like he's just gonna be stating general historical facts every reader would've known when the book was originally published but might not know when it was republished and are necessary to understanding what Joey's saying. But that's not what the notes are like at all? They actually consist of very personal information that readers at the time of original publication couldn't possibly have known and definitely aren't necessary to understanding what Joey's saying; and the vast majority seem to specifically be either 1: flip-flopping between singing Joey's praises and making remarks he really shouldn't be making if he were actually trying to dispel the negative rumors around the man as he claims, or 2: confirming or denying descriptions of himself?? 🚨

It feels like he's trying to manipulate us into seeing Joey as a genius and saint whose inventions we should accept with open arms whilst simultaneously positioning the guy as a scapegoat to take all blame in case we don't, and into seeing Nathan himself as an intelligent and kind man who definitely respected and admired Joey and, of course, would never, ever mistreat him, preemptively discrediting any rumors about him being an abusive friend that might crop up. Even when Joey makes comments that in no way cast him in a bad light— Joey be like “oh Nathan loved creative people and even though he would never understand us wanted to be us” and Nathan be like “actually no I like myself fine, and also no I dislike creatives in general, they're boring and too self-indulgent. It's specifically Joey that I admired, and therefore I admired his creativity specifically by extension. Isn't it just like Joey not to see the compliment—?” Um, no?? No, Nathan, that sounds absolutely nothing like Joey; he's literally been enraptured by every statement or action that could possibly be construed as complimenting him in this book. Did you just indirectly end your relationships with every other creative you've ever met so that nobody would believe anyone who claims that you looked down upon Joey? 🚨🚨

Let me get into some of the more unique notes from Nathan.

“The first time I read this [Elves and the Shoemaker] story it meant a great deal to me. Joey, as he said in his introduction, was never one to talk about his past. He never spoke about his parents. I certainly never met them. I don't even remember how I learned his father made shoes. So to get a glimpse back at this part of his life, for an old friend, it was very special. I remember telling Joey all this after I read the manuscript back in ‘41. He just smiled.” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion of Living, pg. 23

With the way this note happens right before Joey practically spells out that he trusts nobody and denies everyone even the most innocuous information out of self-preservation in the very next story, it does not feel like Nathan's sharing a heartwarming moment between friends. It feels like he's bragging about his position and accomplishments in their predator-and-prey relationship; like he's proud of himself for slowly breaking Joey down and eventually getting him to divulge info he'd been denying him. If your parents lived nearby and were perfectly lovely people, why do you think that you would neither talk about them with nor introduce them to someone who was supposedly one of your closest friends? I'll get into why I think he finally gave the info up in a bit.

In the Lottie story, if Nathan had only said that he wasn't sure the letter exchange had actually happened, I would've been like “yeah sure, we all know Joey's a liar. 🤷🏻‍♀️” But no, he specifically eases us from confirmation of Eckhart and Donaldson's existences even though he claims to have only briefly met them, to claiming Joey was such a good storyteller he could make you think you personally met someone who never existed even if he'd literally just told you that they were imaginary, to casting doubt on the very existence of a girl he was described as having been known by name to outside of the letter exchange.

“I met Joey the following year at the lab and only briefly had the chance to meet [Private Donaldson and Private Eckhart]. They were every bit the characters Joey describes them to be.” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion of Living, pg. 27

“When I first read this I forgot, despite Joey saying as much, that this was fiction, and spent far too much time racking my brain over who this James [who Joey says he told Lottie he met when he came by the lab to say hi to me] was. Joey is so good with his storytelling that even when he tells you it's not real, you can forget a moment later.” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion of Living, pg. 37 (emphasis added)

“I have gone through every piece of correspondence Joey ever saved as part of my work preserving his memory and documenting his life, and I must confess I was looking forward to reading Lottie's letters in person, having been moved to tears reading this part of the manuscript thirty years ago. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find them. It is possible they were lost to time, and I do deep down hope that to be true. However, even if this story is revealed to be one of Joey's excellent fictions, I think it doesn't really matter. Joey would, of course, call it another example of his illusion. I think the message in the story is meaningful regardless whether it really happened or not. And regardless if Lottie actually herself existed or not, she is a fine embodiment of the brave women who served our country in war.” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion of Living, pg. 41 (emphasis added)

I absolutely do not think this is a reality check, I think Nathan's trying to erase Lottie's existence – even gaslighting anyone who knew her in real life into thinking they'd imagined her – to throw us off the “Joey's Illusion of Living ‘philosophy’ is literally just the coping mechanism of an extremely traumatized man” scent; I wonder if Lottie actually fell victim to suicide shortly after writing to Joey that she was spiraling into a deep, dark depression, and Joey made up everything that happened after that specific letter in order to cope with the loss – pretend that “my dear friend isn't dead despite being sent somewhere there was no actual fighting where I thought she'd be safe; I saved her life and she's living a Happily Ever After overseas, married to a handsome young British soldier” – rather than just the goodbye letter to wrap her story up in a neat bow… Maybe Nathan even helped him pretend she was still alive in order to endear himself to this literal kid who was destroyed with grief?

Speaking of which, does nobody find the circumstances under which Nathan and Joey met… concerning? Nathan says “we knew each other since we were teenagers,” which sounds fine until you realize they met because Joey lied about his age and joined the army while still a minor, where he was bullied and pressured into things like underage drinking by grown-@$$ legal adults, multiple of which were also of higher rank. And not only was Nathan one of those grown-@$$ legal adults of higher rank and definitely bullying him just like the others (“I swear I definitely didn't join the other guys in giving him that Real Man™ complex of his like he says—” yeah, sure, Nathan, I totally believe you /s. 🙄), but clearly his horrifying apparent hobby that I'll explain next was already established at the time, seeing as Joey saw the photo of Ivan Newsome dying in agony with his own eyeballs when Nathan introduced him to Walter Richmond… 😬🚩

I'm convinced that Walter, Arthur, and Isabel were three of Nathan's previous victims, and they mirror the relationships he has with Joey, Allison, and Susie.

Walter looking at Nathan “as if asking permission to speak” before engaging Joey in conversation (Nathan nudges us towards believing they had no prior relationship by stating that he was flattered by Joey's observation that he had a way of introducing anyone so that it felt like they were his guest even if he'd just met them… but technically neither confirms nor denies anything 👀) has creepily similar vibes to how Joey “just smiled” in response to Nathan's gushing over the info on his parents; I feel like Joey gave up the info because he had to jump through hoops in order for Nathan to give him permission to publish his book— to be able to get the thing out the door without tripping any of Nathan's “Joey's disobeying and must be punished” alarms. Also, notice how Walter mysteriously had “a lot of people who knew him, but nobody who wanted to claim the title of ‘Walter's friend…’” and how the only people Joey's apparently still in contact with in BATIM are A: one of Nathan's (confirmed) employees, B: a janitor who didn't even realize Joey would remember him so definitely doesn't have enough of a relationship with Joey for Nathan to consider him a threat, and C: a shady veterinarian (wouldn't be surprised if he works for Nathan, as well). It's a classic abuser's tactic to isolate and villainize their victim so that they have no choice but to rely on the abuser; I'll get into more reasons I think that was happening in a bit.

I find it suspicious how Arthur not only personally delivers Ivan's effects to his sister Isabel, just tells her what happened which you'd expect someone with such fresh and debilitatingly severe PTSD to be very reluctant to do, and sticks around to befriend her, but also attends her art show showcasing Walter's war photos— it feels like someone was forcing Arthur to do all of this behind-the-scenes, and maybe the firecracker scene wasn't just about Isabel punishing the rich people for their morbid fascinations, but also Nathan punishing Arthur for being difficult about the situation behind-the-scenes. Meanwhile, Joey just happens to hire this random voice actress to replace Susie who we know just happens to be working for Nathan by the time BATIM happens, the memo that she had been hired specifically marked “don't deliver to Susie” just happens to make it into Susie's possession (seeing as she paraphrases it to Henry), Allison seems to know full well that Joey can't fire her when he tries to in DCTL, and then, by TLO, something has apparently happened to where Tom's been rehired which neither he nor Joey had any choice in and he doesn't wanna talk to anyone about (I doubt it was just all the deaths in DCTL, especially considering Joey went from his furious “I never want to see you again” attitude to begging Tom to come back. We've only heard him beg once before, which I'll get into later), and Tom and Allison have bizarrely switched opinions on the situation and machine (Allison changing from “your invention is amazing, Tom! Why are you stuck on the bad parts of the situation?” in DCTL to “I don't understand why you accepted this job back” in TLO, and Tom changing from “horrible things happened because of my machine, I wish I'd never been ensnared by this place” in DCTL to “why doesn't Ally understand? You don't just abandon a miracle” in TLO)—? It seems to me like Allison was never truly Joey's employee, she was Nathan's employee the whole time (which puts Joey's refusal to attend her and Tom's wedding in a whole new light), and Joey wasn't the only one punished for his failures and attempts to override the steel tycoon's authority.

To reiterate, since I saw some people being confused about the massive change: even with the memory loss issue, Allison's opinion in BATDR is just a natural progression from when the something happened between DCTL and TLO. 😛😬

Anyways, I get the distinct impression that creating situations like these to turn people into murder puppets without anyone being the wiser he was even involved is a hobby of Nathan's.

“…I am glad that he wrote [the murder mystery story] down this one time. It helps me to remember Joey at his most charming and sharp. Later years he became too fixated on things he might have gotten wrong, there was too much guilt and worry, too much fear. It didn't feel like the same man at the end, that's for sure.” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion of Living, pg. 98

You can't tell me that doesn't sound like he gets off on seeing how absolutely ruthless he can make his victims whilst still having them believe they're in the right and he's bitter as heck that one of his favorite pet projects came to his senses and was haunted by his conscience later in life— he literally just admitted he preferred a Joey who admired a murderer and thought that allowing people to die and getting murdered himself must've been worth it for Walter because now he has the immortality of being in a fascinating story instead of having lived in mediocrity over a Joey who felt guilt.

On that note, I absolutely do not believe Nathan's note on Henry's story was him trying to get the truth out about Henry being a despicable person. This is actually the chapter that first clued me in on Nathan's creepiness when I did my ADHD “skim the whole book except reading all the way through anything that looks especially interesting before properly reading” thing I do.

“Joey has always been a professional person, far more so in many ways than me. That is why this section of the book is so forgiving of the man who abandoned the studio he helped create. Joey can't help but see the good in people. That being said, as a good friend of Joey's, I know that Henry's departure was a great upheaval for him and a great personal betrayal. Joey never truly forgave Henry, and I don't think he should have felt obligated to. The fact that Joey is so gracious in this part of the book is a reflection of his incredible generosity in allowing Henry Stein to be stainless in the eyes of history. I think, had he lived longer, Joey might have in later years called it his greatest illusion.” ~ Nathan Arch, The Illusion Of Living, pg. 155

At first I found his saltiness funny, but then I read Joey's actual descriptions and… he's very clearly trying and failing to put down an amazing person, not build up a horrible one. I wondered why Nathan would be claiming the opposite and I realized— it sounds like he's admitting to being Dead Sea Level salty that Joey got terminally ill specifically because he's certain that, if he hadn't, he would've eventually been able to fully convince Joey that Henry was the villain rather than himself and therefore Joey wouldn't have reached out to the animator towards the end of his life in BATIM. Which leads me to my next observation:

I think Joey's play, “The Angel and The Devil,” was about Henry and Nathan.

I don't care that the Shoulder Angel is played by Abby and the Shoulder Devil is played by Joey, lol; that doesn't matter when you look at the actual content. I want you to read this excerpt:

Angel: [Empathy] is a wonderful talent that also leads [humans] down dark paths. Devil: Thank goodness for dark paths, they lead all great artists to their greatest creations. Angel: Empathy is your provenance then? Devil: We share it— for you it leads men to reach out and help, build hospitals, begin charities… Angel: For you it allows men to achieve their greatness through manipulation and fear. Devil: Is it not wonderful?

Going back to the murder mystery story, Walter and Isabel's thought processes perfectly match what the Shoulder Devil in Joey's play is described as using empathy to inspire humanity to do:

Walter was inspired to let Ivan die so that his photo – his art – would have a more compelling story that tugs at the heartstrings.

Isabel was inspired to kill Walter for the crime of letting Ivan die, masterfully manipulating her confession so that it technically wasn't a confession, instilling fear of herself in everyone present with the fact that if she did do it then she was untouchable legally thanks to her money, and finally, she was fully convinced that she would also be untouchable socially— even be better off, because people would see her as a hero for delivering justice to a monster like Walter.

Going back to BATIM, Joey literally says this to our faces:

“The truth is, you were always so good at pushing, Henry… Pushing me to do the right thing. You should've pushed a little harder.” ~ Joey Drew, Bendy and the Ink Machine, ch. 5

Does that not sound like Henry was good at using empathy to inspire kindness/etc. the way the Shoulder Angel is described as doing (Joey's actually very right that empathy is a morally neutral phenomenon that can be used for good or evil! *Spoken with hyper-empathetic autistic/low-to-no-empathy autistic solidarity*)?

The Angel and Devil also say that whichever of them the man they were assigned to doesn't choose will have to leave. This tells me that the ending of Joey's play – where it's implied the man the angel and devil were assigned to chose the angel – was read rather than acted out (with the excuse that they for some reason couldn't pick a random person to play him out of the crowd like they did for the Hatcheck Girl) in order to symbolize how Joey wanted to choose his true friend and make the toxic one leave, but he had that choice taken away from him when Henry was driven away despite his best efforts. In other words, I think both his version of the friend breakup story and Henry's version have elements of truth and deception to them.

Anybody notice that it seems like Wally and Tom seemed to have been being pitted against and told lies about each other as well as having their work sabotaged by an unknown third party?

“So here's my beef with this whole Gent thing. I went to school, yeah that's right— me! Star Student at Brickmore High. I know my potatoes! So where's this ‘Mr. Connor’ fella get off telling me what to do? These college boys. They can tell ya what's wrong but if you try to fix it on ‘em. They're outta here!” ~ Wally Franks, Boris and the Dark Survival

“Not all of us are well connected, son. Not all of us have chances. Especially to get a job as an engineer when I ain't had no proper education and training.” ~ Thomas Connor, Dreams Come to Life, pg. 252

“If there's one loose bolt around here we're gonna have a whole mess of trouble. And wouldn't you know it, that Wally guy is one loose bolt! He keeps the floors clean he says, he didn't sign on for no science project. All I know is someone needs to keep these pipes maintained. And he can't be a slacker.” ~ Thomas Connor, Boris and the Dark Survival

Wally thinks he's being looked down upon for not having gone to college like Tom (who didn't go to college) and his efforts to help out are not just unappreciated but met with unreasonable emotional response. Meanwhile, Tom thinks Wally's being selfish and lazy and leaving all the work to be done by him. Sound familiar?

“…Henry left for his own reasons, and the correspondence between us became less and less. To be honest, it almost felt like a weight off when he left. He had grown more sensitive as the studio became more successful and giving him pep talks had become exhausting for me. All the good qualities he brought, the hard work and diligence, were being undermined by a restless need for something different. Something that wasn't Bendy. I'll never understand that drive. Bendy was and is perfection.” ~ Joey Drew, The Illusion of Living, pg. 176-177

“Only two weeks into this project and already it's gotten interesting. Joey is a man of ideas… And only ideas. When I agreed to start this whole thing with him I thought there would be a little more give and take. Instead I give, and he takes. I haven't seen Linda for days now. Still, someone has to make this happen. When in doubt, just keep drawing Henry. On the plus side, I've got a new character I think people are gonna love.” ~ Henry Stein, Bendy and the Ink Machine, ch. 3

Joey thinks that Henry was being unreasonably emotional and looking down upon Bendy as not good enough (when he obviously loved the character/cartoons), and that his efforts to help were unappreciated. Meanwhile, Henry thinks Joey was being a selfish, lazy leech and leaving all the work to be done by him.

Is it really a stretch at all to wonder if Henry and Joey were similarly being pitted against and told lies about each other as well as having their work sabotaged by an unknown third party? Maybe the exact same third party?

This makes me very suspicious about who was really behind the worrying newspaper in Joey's apartment; something tells me that Joey's Shoulder Devil successfully pushed his Shoulder Angel off that right shoulder. Twice. I can see Nathan thinking “fine, if you won't give up on this stupid animator, I'll use this opportunity to remove him from the picture permanently and poetically…”

Is Joey's being so touched by the memory of Isabel “angelically” helping Arthur during his war flashbacks an “I wish my Shoulder Angel would come save me?” And is his horror at the descriptions of Shell Shock (PTSD) as basically a time loop foreshadowing that he ends up trapped in a real time loop, himself, by Nathan's sadistic design? I think it's likely, especially after reading @dreamfisher-nux's posts speculating on Wilson's identity. If he's the Gent worker who stole Shaun's tool belt in BATDS and “somebody” who stole Tom's invention in Allison's BATIM Chapter 5 letter, and that invention was the seeing tool, so Wilson's the one that's been tampering with Henry's invisible messages, and he potentially murdered Henry and Joey when Henry returned at Joey's request… How much of this and how much more might he have been doing under Nathan's influence? Is he another one of Nathan's Murder Puppets? 👀

I think all the Henry stuff also explains why Joey claims that Sammy, Jack, and Norman were hired after Mr. Animator left despite the evidence in BATIM and DCTL that Sammy and Norman knew him personally. The only two versions of events he's being allowed to hear are “Henry leaving is your fault and your feelings about the situation are unreasonable” and “Henry was an awful person, you should be glad he's gone.” Nathan would never allow him to hear “it's Nathan's fault and your feelings about the situation are valid,” so he's gotta choose between believing two very painful other options; why wouldn't he try to discredit the most painful one?

While we're adding to the list of people who Nathan seems to have made disappear Mafia Boss-style, it sure seems awfully convenient that the two main Crack-Up Comics artists’ names “appear to have been lost to time” after they wrote a comic where Bendy (Joey) was literally sweating over how Boswell (Nathan) was the richest cat in the world and could crush him like a bug if he didn't perform his job to satisfaction…

…Sounds to me like Nathan did something to shut these two people up so that word of the true nature of his and Joey's relationship wouldn't get out.

Also, interesting how the disappearances of not only a reporter-in-training and the sister of two well-known entertainers but also the only son of the richest, most influential and most dangerous man in Atlantic City didn't get Mr. Joey “Bankrupt From Impulsive Spending Who Apparently Doesn't Even Have The Power To Fire His Own Employees (and ‘Employees’) Nor The Respect Of Enough People To Not Be Giggled At And Whispered About During His Own Speech At His Own Party” Drew and all of his employees arrested or worse… In fact, from the new teaser and archive images that came out, we now know the studio survived for almost two years afterwards before filing bankruptcy and closing forever…

…at which point Joey was mysteriously missing for a while. This is pretty much pure speculation, but I wonder if it could be that Joey's need for a wheelchair stems from an injury sustained in this time? Mr. Mafia Boss decided he needed his kneecaps busted or something?? At any rate, it sounds to me like Joey had someone richer, more influential, and more dangerous than Mr. Chambers “on his side…” until he failed too many times, and needed to be punished more severely? 👀

“Again I shook my head. Didn't [Constance] understand that this was not how it worked? She hadn't lived in my world. Any company that could afford such a machine, that could hide it, that had such dark huge secrets, they had to be protected by something huge as well.” ~ Bill Chambers, Bendy: The Lost Ones, pg. 191

Then, ink machine things continued at Gent… until the year Allison and Tom got married.

Sounds to me like Gent might've been condemned in order to punish Allison and Tom either for the very fact that they got married (making them more-difficult-to-control puppets) or because they failed to get Joey to come to their wedding where Nathan could access him in-person again…

This archive entry sounds as if Joey had to go into hiding, perhaps to escape Nathan and/or people like Bill's dad who were waiting for Nathan to rescind his protection? Also, as an animation history nerd, it sounds to me like the Bendy cartoons were picked up by other studios besides Archgate in attempt to reboot them after JDS kicked the bucket (as has happened to countless cartoons whose original studios kicked the bucket in real life, e.g., the Fleischer cartoons, the Hanna-Barbera cartoons, the Veggie Tales cartoons, etc.), and it wouldn't surprise me if these “minor attempts to rekindle the magic” were Joey's feeble attempts at keeping what was left of Bendy out of Nathan's claws. Remember, Nathan didn't say in Crack-Up Comics that he “inherited” the Bendy IP from Joey's estate, he said he bought it, as further confirmed in the final archive entry.

This means Joey did not leave Bendy to Nathan in his will. In fact, it sounds like he either didn't have a will at all or it was destroyed when he died… Anyone notice that Joey's secret BATDS recording, where he asks Nathan for money, is the only time we've heard him sound audibly nervous?

Strange how, in DCTL, Joey calls Bertrum “Bertrum” when introducing him to the most uncomfortable person at his party, who respects him as his boss; it's not until the people who hold financial power over him start whispering and giggling that he introduces him as “Bertie,” as if he wasn't specifically trying to slight Bertrum as the man in question assumed, but instead was trying to assert to all the hungry cats in the room that he was also a cat, rather than a tasty lil mouse for them to devour… Nathan is worse than them? He's able to break Joey's facade of confidence that this crowd of investors could only make him reinforce? What's worse, the investors he tries to persuade like he does everyone else, convince that they should give him money because everything's great… but Nathan, who's supposedly his friend, he begs for money, saying that the one-and-only reason he's asking this is because the situation is dire (implying he has no choice). That's… worrisome.

Funny how, across DCTL, TIOL, and TLO, Joey consistently pulls or feels the urge to pull his cruel pranks on people anytime a new person seems to be hiding things from him or trying to take advantage of him. Buddy after being caught stealing art supplies? Bill after being caught lying about not having knowledge of the ink machine? Sammy when he suspected his deadpan-&-monotone-ness was an act and that he didn't respect him? Almost seems like the pranks are actually the survival mechanism of someone who's had a whole lotta really bad experiences with betrayal, having things hidden from him, getting taken advantage of, etc. rather than just the product of a twisted sense of humor, hm…?

“…inside I was feeling a little angry now. I don't do well when people are disloyal, and this was something I'd expected to be kept between me and Abby. Then I stopped and controlled myself (I have excellent control over my emotions) and realized I had never actually told her there was anything secret about this. I'd have to be more careful in the future. Believe you me, I have been since. A contract is a fine thing to have between colleagues, even finer at times between friends.” ~ Joey Drew, The Illusion of Living, pg. 170-171

“[Sammy] leaned back on both elbows on the stone wall. Beneath him Fifth Avenue roared and certain death would come to anyone who toppled over the edge down onto it. The man definitely had confidence in that wall. I had a sudden urge to give him a shove. Not push him over, but just to see his reaction. This might sound strange, but I needed to see a human moment from him, I needed to see the man he was hiding from me. That's the trouble when you're interested in recreating the illusion of the world. You want to see the truth of it as much as possible.” ~ Joey Drew, The Illusion of Living, pg. 188-189 (emphasis added)

Also, it's weird that, when talking about reuniting with Nathan at the Sparkling Unicorn, Joey claims not to have known Nathan very well in the army but to always have liked his personality… after having claimed to be close enough friends with him that he helped him write fake letters from a fictional character to Lottie, just a few pages earlier. Either Joey's not nearly as good a liar as he's supposed to be… or this discrepancy was created on purpose in an attempt to tell us that Joey only liked Nathan's personality back when they were in the army because he didn't actually know him as well as he thought he did. 👀

This all together…

…really makes one wonder if Joey's little intro to TIOL wasn't him humble-bragging, but genuinely explaining that the reason he took so long to write it was because A: he's been being gaslit to heck and back for decades and genuinely doesn't know what reality is as a result, and B: refusing to write this book was one of the few ways he was able to assert real control over his own life for a very long time…

“Looking back is awkward. Looking back, you can trip yourself up. I've never been a fan of it. Which is why I never had a desire to tell my story. No matter how many book deals were offered, no matter how many dinners were thrown for me. I am a man who makes up my own mind. You can't buy me. No one buys Joey Drew.” ~ Joey Drew, The Illusion of Living, pg. 3

Speaking of the intro, interesting how, as much as Joey tries to claim that his surprise at Simmons remembering his “philosophy” is because Simmons isn't the brightest bulb in the factory, he still gets noticeably hung up on the fact that his words had stuck with someone; it's almost as if the vast majority of people he knew either openly viewed him as a talentless idiot or genuinely were trying to manipulate him as he was so seemingly paranoid about, and he was beyond desperate for any scrap of genuine praise anyone would give him, no…? *Stares at basically every audio log, literally every Nathan note, and every scene where Joey reacted unsubtly ecstatically to compliments and/or irate at any hint someone was looking down on him*

Anyone notice how, throughout his whole memoir, Joey sings the praises of anyone he clearly wants to be like and drags anyone who resembles what he's actually like through the mud? “Omigosh, Sammy is just so talented and powerful and automatically respected and praised by everyone! He's so awesome! 🤩” “Yuck, Detective Sinclair wears a persona to hide how useless and powerless he is and is just so desperate for validation! I hate him! 😤 Btw, this stuff is not what my philosophy is about, I'm actually changing reality here (whatever makes you feel better, Joey /hj).” I guess this leads me into the next section…

Continued in Part Two: Expanding (Mostly) On My DCTL & TLO Thoughts

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