#spitballing out here
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What if when Wanderer gets his harbinger skin he gets it because he goes through something similar to Fischl’s quest in the summer islands except Scaramouche did legit “split” himself off from Wanderer somehow and the goal is to get him back because Wanderer is not doing cash money with some part of him missing.
#out.#mobile.#spitballing out here#me with that rough plot idea#from the other day#not letting go#since it’s genshin it would probably end like that#but what iF#they can’t get Scaramouche bac k#much to conside r
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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fig faeth#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#the rat grinders#adaine abernant#kipperlilly copperkettle#watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk#like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was#what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god#my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season#the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands#also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk#but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up#they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here#there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows#the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance
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Personal headcanon about the "you picked the wrong dellamorte" line, I don't think illario actually likes rook outside the context of them being someone close to lucanis. Like rook on their own isn't much to him, but when they meet it's yet another person talking about his cousin (why isn't he good enough for whatever job they're hiring for?) and on top of that they somehow bring him back from the dead (another whole can of worms for illario). Now he starts turning on the charm, but whether he's actually interested or this is just one more thing his cousin has that he doesn't and it gets under his skin, who knows. Either way, rook ignores illario, the guy who lives off his charm, and is instead interested in the guy who's never even dated before and thinks giving someone a knife is how to flirt. Infuriating
NO THANK YOU !! i am genuinely sorry if i have ever implied illario is into rook like i see some takes about it and unless it like ties into your rook's personal backstory i don't seriously think he's romantically jealous. at all. my enjoyment of that line stems from illario's pathological need to make it about himself and not see his strengths but what lucanis has, and therefore what he doesn't. he's annoyed enough to try and goad you in the middle of a fight about the 'wrong' dellamorte and completely blind to the fact that the venatori are at best, a stupid fucking alliance, and at worst, a cult that will devour the crows from the inside out and illario would have been the one to give them the keys. he sees lucanis make allies, needs his own, and instead of charming the other talons/houses as he should, he (probably spitefully) picks the venatori. or maybe he just thought it would be easier. ugh he makes me want to telekenetically throw him around
#and you raise a very hilarious point too LMFAO#not that he is jealous. just mad as hell its not working <3 I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH AND A NORMAL AMOUNT#to be clear i think his characterisation changed dramatically from wigmaker's job and a lot of his uh#very rash decisions about achieving power feels like they just needed a traitor character for lucanis#to really max out the use of spite. i really wish honestly that there was some canon support for illario#who would probably be a little more liked/popular than lucanis. bc lucanis is respected by the crows#but he's also a very distant 'dellamorte heir' figure. respect is not the same as being liked. so you know#there's the serious assassin with a rep for how good he is at killing#and there's a friendlier assassin with a rep for sweet talking#and neither of those reputations are necessarily true. but i know which one i'd be less afraid of#and i think illario would know that. and be able to use that. BUT WE DONT GET IT. WHATEVER.....#illario dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#answered#also we're introduced to an illario that understands being a crow. and has had all that drilled into him since childhood#why. would he. ally with the venatori.#why would he put himself into a situation that he couldnt control. other than 'the story needs a villain'#what im trying to say. is . there were the makings of a crow civil war here that ends with him tragically dead#if you asked me to expand on this i dont think i could. but like the main issue being the crows not standing together making#the antaam invasion worse (btw regarding this why the fuck were the antaam even invading) so lucanis' quest is#idk. something like uniting the crows together and potentially repairing his relationship w illario#or hardening him and convincing he needs to kill illario#this is me spitballing. dont even mind me#(glances at the 'illario mention' alarm going off in the background)#EDIT: AND ALSO IT JUST CAME TO ME#killing illario as an ending also makes lucanis first talon (oh we're really in the cycles now)#forgiving illario ends with illario becoming 'talon' tho he and lucanis work closely. like a ceo vs cfo#and ends with them repairing their relationship#in the ideal world lucanis would fully leave but im alright with crows making small steps towards becoming a bit healthier
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okay okay, hear me out
qimir's scar is twisted and jagged. he was abandoned (""abandoned"" could mean anything right now) by his master.
vernestra has a light whip. she believes strongly in the jedi, the jedi code and the order and what they stand for, how the republic views them. maybe enough to become desperate, to make a mistake
vernestra was qimir's master ???
edit: qimir would likely have been driven by intense emotions and vernestra would likely have cautioned him against that, tried to reign him in like obi wan did with anakin and. well, we all know how that ended
#vernestra rwoh#qimir#the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#the acolyte speculation#in all fairness i have not read anything with vernestra in it and am simply speculating based off of the vibes from the show#miss rwoh i respect you very much and i promise i'm just spitballing here#shout out to my beloved bestie for lending me her thoughts. half this post came almost directly from her messages#my posts
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Ushijima stares at the red-haired creature in front of him.
"I know what you are."
The creature grins, teeth pointed and sharp and dripping with glee. He slinks closer, walking Ushijima back to the tree behind him before raising his clawed hand to the bark and trapping the man between them.
"Say it," Tendou crows. His breath tickles Ushijima's exposed neck and his grin grows wider at the shiver sent down Ushijima's body.
"You're an angel."
Tendou blinks. "What?"
Ushijima pulls him closer until their lips barely brush against each other's.
"I said you are an angel."
And he crashes against Tendou's bewildered mouth as surely as his certainty that the creature before him was an angel and not, well, the demon he said he was.
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whoaaa what if there was a monster au where tendou was a demon prowling the earth and he finds ushijima who is adamant that tendou is an angel and tendou is forced to reconsider everything he thought he knew about himself whoaa and there's lots of kissing whoaaa wouldn't that be sooo crazy haha
#im just spitballing here this might not ever be written#i just missed thinking about my boys...#i was also thinking about twilight if you couldn’t tell#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#hq#ushiten#haikyuu ships#tendou satori#ushijima wakatoshi#ushijima x tendou#haikyuu fanfiction#how do you make a demon good again?#you kiss the hell out of him#<- ushijima takes jokes literally and thats the basis for this post
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What if…Frost had a younger sister…that he didn’t know about…and ends up meeting by chance…bc she decided to go to Carnivale Lecroux one day…
Okay, so I made up this character a couple of months ago actually, but I can’t draw tigers so I don’t have any visuals for her, BUT
Her name is Morning Sun On The Horizon (yes I did do my research in Tabaxi naming culture, how did you know), but in a similar fashion to Frost, it has been shortened to Sun/Sunny. She is 13 years younger than Frost (so, for the sake of it, let’s say Frost is about 38 by this point and Sunny is 25), and is a white bengal tiger (and I like to imagine she is the spitting image of their father, while Frost is the spitting image of their mother).
Their parents died when Sunny was a cub, so a tabaxi named Rushing Like The River (or River) adopted her, and moved to a different town for plot reasons, idk.
Only reason why the two siblings meet is because Sunny decided to visit Carnivale Lecroux (post-canon) with her adoptive mother and her (Sunny’s) twin girls (Morning Dew On The Grass—aka Dew/Dewdrop/Dewey—and Refreshing Morning Mist—aka Mist/Misty). River recognized Frost, confirmed who he was, and introduced the two siblings.
Sunny has no powers, and is fairly outgoing, unlike Frost. She is still quite intelligent, though, and is a teacher at the local school. The two actually have a lot in common, and get along swimmingly.
Gricko is excited to meet Frost’s extended family, and absolutely adores the twins (who I imagine are somewhere about 5-8 years old). Kremy outwardly complains about the extra mouths and noise, but he does quietly give them a family discount. The twins absolutely love Gideon and Torbek, and you bet your ass those two give the girls all the piggyback rides a child could want.
#also the girls are from an ex boyfriend#and Sunny is presently engaged to a half-elf woman#idk man I love the idea of expanding onto the ouaw characters families#and I will eventually talk about Gideons mom#because I have a lot of ideas about her#including a possible idea of Gideon maybe being a sorta prince of the fire plane?#idk. I’m just spitballing here#but my ideas for his mom are fairly consistent#maybe I’ll express them once I can figure out how to words#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#morning frost
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Magolor Epilogue where everything’s the same except this happens.
(ID: Kirby series fanart comic of Magolor - in his new gray purgatory garb - stranded in the green-tinted depths of Another Dimension, ranting about his defeat and thinking this is as bad as it gets, only for a familiar-looking star-shaped portal to open behind him and shoot a certain cosmic jester directly at him. Transcript under the cut. END ID.)
Started some time in summer 2023, finished 10/15/23, updated for color correction 11/02/24. NOTE: This was originally posted on my deleted account on 10/15/23.
Handy-dandy transcript for ya:
Panel 1
Magolor: *exasperated* Great! Just great! Lost my Crown, lost my powers… How could my life possibly get any worse?!
Panel 2
*a crack forms in space behind Magolor, causing him to turn his head to look* vwp
Panel 3
*portal opens, shooting Marx out as high speeds, directly into Magolor’s back, in a very blurred and amusing smear frame* THUD
Panel 4
*Magolor prone on the ground on his face, Marx sprawled on top of him, both dazed and bruised as stars spin over their heads*
Marx: *disoriented, one eye swollen shut, one filled with a dizzy swirl, gesturing weakly with one wing claw* Hey hey… Did, uh, you lose to Kirby, too? (Ow… my bones…)
#veins art#veins fanart#kirby series#kirby#magolor#interdimensional magolor#marx kirby#another dimension#magolor epilogue#magolor epilogue spoilers#AU?#comic#how he get there? we'll never know#cracked eggs yells at cloud#cloud responds by throwing a clown at him#the universe hocked him like a spitball through space and time just to harass THIS wizard specifically#“Oh you want a CHALLENGE magic man? well here ya go - enjoy THIS difficulty modifier!”#... does this count as a meet-cute?#hmm I wonder what the bit of rubble in the bottom corner spells out :)#veinsfullofstars
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Would you ever consider becoming a published author? I love your fanfics but seeing you recommend dark romance novels does make me wonder what a dark romance book from yeyinde would be like
published author kinda scares me ngl lmao but maybe. i enjoy writing fanfic, dgmw, but i have a lot of ideas i want to try that don't really fit into the fandoms i write for. the more i read and write and experiment, the more i want to take on and do. and there's only so many situations i can put these particular characters into, so. thinking about it.
and also, Vi Khi Nao, Shiloh Sloane, Tanya Tagaq, and Agustina Bazterrica have def had an impact on me when it comes to writing, so!! who knows. maybe i'll get around to writing something of my own eventually—if only so i can slide into their dms with my kindle unlimited author hallpass to chat them up and figure out how their brains work.
#a yeyinde dark romance book would probs be more horror erotica—like: fmc gets in over her head with the mafia#maybe goes to a party with her socialite friend and gets accused of theft and enforcer mmc has to rough her up a bit for the info#he'd be awful vile foul irredeemable#spitballing here tbh and making this up as i go but ummmmm#then he lets her go but maybe she liked the violence a little too much and seeks him out for more#gore torture mayhem misery#an hea that leaves you queasy#yeah#that sounds nice
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scourge unleashed aus mean nothing to me unless he is a catboy
#sonic#archie sonic#scourge the hedgehog#fiona fox#iratusmus.png#if you wanted to take this seriously#incredibly spitballing premise here but dr kintobor finds out moebius dark gaia is going to reawaken#so he fires an epic beam of something or another to try to put it back to sleep for another 500 years or whatever#but something goes wrong and somehow scourge gets hit and turns into a catboy#nobody is happy about this. well- okay. let me rephrase that.#when it happens fiona thinks its the funniest thing in the world. everybody else also thinks its the funniest thing in the world.#scourge . does not. and promptly makes his newfound abilities everybody else's problem#so now everybody's unhappy about this. except for fiona. who still thinks its the funniest thing in the world.#honestly though i just want to use the dark gaia from the offpanel. if you dont know the one i will be happy to share
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If you haven’t already answered this yet, can I ask why MicaClan chose the territory they currently live in? It seems like an interesting decision to choose such a different area to try to survive in. Although the more lush area probably means less droughts and higher elevation could possibly mean less flood risks, avoiding the two major issues that caused them to move in the first place. They still have to relearn everything though in such a different area. Or was there less thought behind it and it was more just get to higher ground to avoid the water and then they got tired of traveling and decided to stop once they were sufficiently high up?
Also can I ask what kind of border threats they faced when establishing their new territory? Were there other groups of cats? Was it mostly predators and dangerous animals? Did dogs or twolegs pose a challenge to their borders?
Sorry I kinda have a lot of questions haha I just really like your story and characters and settings and everything and wanna know all I can about them and get a deeper knowledge of everything
I AM SO HAPPY TO RECEIVE THIS QUESTION
You're right that there were material aspects as to why they chose to settle where they did; the mountain seemed like a good place to avoid any more catastrophic floods with the high elevation, the spring-fed stream that runs through the territory also seemed like a guarantee against any future droughts, and the area had plenty of prey to feed the clan. But the real deciding factor was the soil!
The idea was basically that they found a place where the very ground seemed to be blessed by Starclan. I've written about this on the blog before, but it was wayyy way back and I haven't mentioned it again since then HAHA, but I based Micaclan's territory on a place I used to hike every now and again. The area used to be the location of a mica mine, and the ground there still sparkles with all the tiny shards of minerals in the ground (which is actually why they're called Micaclan; I gave them the name before I'd fully decided on the clan not being from the area originally lol). So they basically were like "if this isn't a sign from Starclan then I don't know what is" and set up camp! It ended up being the right choice in the end, because they found the Moonmirror in the abandoned mine on their territory, which gave them much needed access to Starclan (even if they can't use it outside of emergencies).
For border threats, I imagine them dealing with all sorts of things, especially in the beginning when they were just establishing their borders. I think of micaclan's territory being far enough from human civilization that they don't have to worry about construction or cars or anything, but close enough that they have a human hiking trail acting as one of their borders, or at least having a hiking trail close enough that they have to deal with the occasional stray dog or human. In addition to this, predators like black bears or coyotes would make trouble for the clan, and maybe a mountain lion drifted through the territory at one point (which would have been a harrowing time indeed).
As for rogues or other groups of cats, I think they might've brought that trouble with them! It's hard to conceal a big group of cats traveling in search of a new territory, and I think they drew some unwanted attention on their way up to the mountain. Maybe other groups noted them, and decided to let the strangers do the hard work of staking out a good territory before swooping in to take their place? I don't think there were any other cats living where Micaclan ends up, so they wouldn't be contesting land with any other resident cats. Those that threatened their new borders were usually looking to try to take their place. Basically they were like "so the weirdos you pegged as 'death within the month' 5 moons ago are actually now thriving and looking well-fed and healthy living on the mountain? I guess it can't be THAT dangerous, why don't we live up there instead? they can find somewhere else again, they're obviously good at finding nice territories."
the general gossip on micaclan as a group through the years basically goes like this: I heard there was a big group (a clan?) passing through looking to set up a new territory, hope they don't settle here -> apparently that big clan that passed through a few moons back is living further up the mountain? wonder how long it'll be before they're eaten by bears -> there's a big group of cats living further up the mountain, maybe the mountain makes for a good territory after all... -> there's a weird cat cult up the mountain and if you step on their turf they will Kick Your Ass
#ask#mudlore#micaclan#mud worldbuilding#I don't think any other groups of cats have tried to settle close to micaclan's turf simply because they can't handle the outside threats#clan cats are just Built Different and they have medical knowledge and battle strategy/coordination/tactics that let them deal with#things like coyotes and bears and stuff#the average cat gang just doesn't wanna go through the trouble tbh#but they might see the area Micaclan's already staked out as easier to manage#since the predators in the area are already discouraged from crossing through#and this is why micaclan dealt with so many attacks from outsiders#maybe it's was even just one or two other groups#just all vying for the spot that micaclan found#idk i'm just spitballing here
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Persona 5/ Persona 5 royal spoilers ahead!
Okay so I did this WIP a while back that I discontinued but I'm still going insane about the meaning of it and also the symbolism of masks in this game and also akeshu parrallels so I need to Yap abt them
Yap session under the cut!
The symbolism of masks in this game drives my so batshit insane actually. Like. So often we see in media that people are finally free when they take their mask off (both metaphorically and literally) but in this game we see people's true forms when they put one ON.
Like the palaces are where we see people's true faces and desires. It's the place where no one can hide who they are. And yet it's one one place where you wear a physical mask and disguise and have to conceal who you are.
I could (and will at some point) write an entire essay about that but rn it's akeshu hours
Because Joker is arguably the best example of that, he becomes alive in the palaces, where his face his hidden. It's his freedom
Versus Akechi
The first time we see Akechi show his true form to Joker (and the player) is in what is percieved at the time as the real world. The entire time we work together in the palace, the place that shows who you are despite the mask you wear he hides who he is. It's only in the gritty real world that he reveals himself.
Joker in the real world is perceived (at least by people outside of his circle) as closed off and someone to be cautious around, he has a criminal record so he could be dangerous. The exact opposite of how he is in palaces, the centre of the team and a flame people are drawn towards
VERSUS AKECHI
In the real world he is a celebrity, he is loved, people are drawn to him. But in palaces he's cold and heartless, his words are cutting and he cares for no one, not hesitating to kill to achieve his goal
Opposites in every sense
THE ABSOLUTE PARALLELS IT DRIVES ME INSANEASHBANANSJAKSS
They were both ruined by the same man. They both ended up in their current predicament because of said man. They both had the potential to weild multiple personas. They both have the capability to lead. They are the exact same and yet the exact opposite
They don't need to lie awake at night and wonder what would they be like if their life had turned out slightly differently. They don't need to because they have each other. EVERYTIME THEY GO INTO A PALACE THEY SEE WHO THEY COULD'VE BEEN, THEY FIGHT WITH THAT PERSON SIDE BY SIDE EVERY NIGHT I'M GOING MAD
#THEY DRIVE ME UP THE WALL#THIS IS JUST ME SPITBALLING THERE'S SO MUCH MORE BUT I NEED TO WRITE IT UP PROPERLY AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING COHERENT#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS LIKE A MADMAN THEY R SO ABSBSNSNSNSM#Every time someone makes a joke abt persona being nothing but a creepy dating sim an angel loses its wings.#I have my head in my hands#There's so much more to it and I could talk abt it and the themes it carries for hours#I need to talk with someone about it or I'm going to blow up. None of my irl friends play in I'm going into withdrawal for lack of being#Able to have conversations abt it#God it's so it's so#I need to write a more indepth thing but I needed to vomit this out before I went insane#This might not make any sense I'll go back and proofread in the morning#Absolutely no one here follow me for persona content but I'll be damned if that's gonna stop me talking abt them#these two drive me so insane they are the perfect mirrors I'm lying on the floor rolling around#Sorry for the mile of tags I'll go back and edit this in the morning#Might delete idk I just needed to Yap#goro akechi#joker persona 5#persona 5#persona 5 royal#akeshu#Yapadoodledoo: fandom edition
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welp, it's done! whiteboard rules everyone, it's time to let it die o7
this was so much fun what the heck!! we gotta do it again sometime :0 thank you everyone who joined or was in some way a part of this experience!!<33333
#whiteboard#we got griefed a total of five (5) times woooo!#niceee#35 people visited total#i figured out a new doodling technique while drawing on here btw#and i read a 100k fic and started making a little animation inspired by it and scraped it successfully cos idk im learning blender now#brain all over the place#gonna reread it already i think#oh btw i mostly figured out my carrots animatic#now the most difficult part. deciding on the artstyle :')#OH there's also a scraped bit of the animatic that i wanna polish and then post somewhere#OH im also making hrv fanart thingy i completely forgot about that omg#yea no a lot of stuff happened in two weeks#are y'all enjoying my wall of tags btw#im just spitballing here#<- immediately gets out of the flow and gets distracted#welp i guess it's time to go read fanfiction#btw i tried my best to backup all the drawings#in case anyone's ever like. ohmygod that drawing i did in october 2024? i need it or i'll die#(me. im anyone)#(so yea if the whiteboard's already gone feel free to hit me up)#okay okay im done
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“New Moon,” Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu (Vol. 2/2024), #1.
Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu#Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu vol. 2#Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu 2024#Moon Knight comics#latest release#Detective Flint#Reese Williams#Soldier#Hunter’s Moon#Yehya Badr#Tigra#Greer Grant#8-Ball#Jeff Hagees#OH WORD#it’s purposefully incredibly uncharitable but considering established US federal biases against anything of «Mid East» (yike) origin#individuals with documented histories of mental illness + the renewed federal interest in small militant religious groups in the past decad#(not to mention how…historically poorly the feds react whenever small groups of people use strategies even threatening violence#to protect their community but shhhhhh that’s a whole other kettle of worms)#this is /exactly/ the kind of brush the Midnight Mission would get painted with by the powers that be (I’m just mad I hadn’t#considered it earlier hahaha)#I personally think it would also be a little cool to revisit some of Marc’s dealing with government personnel from back when he was with#The Company™️ as he surely must have burned some bridges while he was there#I’m not sure if that would still carry out to his current Moon Knight career but I’m just spitballing here hahaha#anyway I’m not sure what’s more objectionable: indicating that Hunter’s Moon is anyway un underling of Marc’s in some sort of cult#or referring to 8-Ball /solely/ as a loser (he’s getting better!)#Dr. Badr I’m sure would be supremely displeased to hear this assessment hahaha
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Fun fact: since I came up with Tele based on offspring from my Nuzi dragons, there were actually two other dragons in that one clutch of eggs. Technically two siblings. But I wasn't super interested in them so I put them in my hibden.
However. Recently I wanted to try my hand at scrying them into something interesting and unique? So here's the first pass at that. No names yet, designs not final but the colors mostly are. Tele's younger brothers, twins.
The one on the left is a softspoken inventor, keeps mostly to himself but will still run to his mom to eagerly show off whatever he's built. He's not very expressive aside from his eyes.
The one on the right....I imagine right before any of the kids got worker bodies, N and Uzi were like "I mean....we could technically build them DD bodies if they want them right? Just without all the intentional design flaws" and asked the three of them if any of them wanted that. Despite how much Tele idolizes her dad, the twin on the right was the only one enthusiastic about the idea. He tries so so hard to be edgy, but mostly cuz he wants his mom to think he's cool.
#Tele Doorman#(by association)#Nuzi#Nuzi fankid#Murder Drones#Doodles#Trying to sort stuff out#idk any of this in timeline terms#And idk how to draw hair for the most part so I've got literally no clue if either of these make sense#Like I said nothing here is final! Just spitballing at this stage
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thinking more about being trans
#because i want the voice drop of testosterone because training my voice has not been enough for me. i want some of the body shifts with it#and i want top surgery at some point#half because aesthetics + dysphoria and half bc they're just inconvenient#but i dont want to be a “man”#i dont want the capacity to grow a beard or a bunch of hair and have to shave all the time to keep up my looks the way i want#i dont want to “pass” the way some people do#i dont want bottom surgery for sure and i don't have any desire to have a dick or anything. ideally i would be like a doll with no features#i certainly have no plans to stop dressing feminine#i like being my androgynous twink self#and theres certainly a lot of aspects of femininity i do enjoy#jewelry makeup skirts certain aestheitcs long hair etc#i just want to be able to wear those things in a way that i am no longer a woman but a feminine man instead#i want to be one of those weird 80s twinks who would steal your boyfriend while wearing your dress and looking better in it#or like half the men you see in regency shows with the long hair/fine features/gentle manner etc#idk. i dont want to be a man. i genuinely feel like im putting on the wrong skin saying im a transman#genderqueer/agender is the closest i think ill ever find#but god i just wish id been born a man and then had the freedom to explore looking like a girl#little fucked up freak femboy stuck in some body that doesn't feel like its mine#maybe going on t will help me feel comfortable with growing out my hair again tho#idk. spitballing#it doesnt even matter that much rn. i have to delay my t appointment because of other medical shit#but man are there a lot of thoughts up here that will never in any way make sense to most people or be accepted by greater society
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love final season(s?) therapised-reid talking about who he is or could be outside of his job - the farm with cows, the fungi talk about how he grows, going out to meet someone unrelated to his work :') GOOD he needed that
#from 'this job is all i was groomed for & can do' to 'i didn't cure schizophrenia before i turned 30 what am i doing with my life' to 'if-#-i didn't get into this job so early & stay in it this is what i might be doing but given how the job's changed me (like a mushroom in -#this soil) i'm here & like these aspects of my job (helping people)' he just needs to find balance & closure & understanding of himself#& he seems calmer because of it. even with All That Ptsd hahah#all that time in prison with only a few books & across the way conversations i wonder if he HAD to pause for the 1st time in his life#there was nothing he could immediately do to change the situation#i guess maybe he just turned over in his brain how to stay safe & get out & why he was there or maybe just re-read books he had in his head#i'm just spitballing here!!!! spi-tchu! <- that's me spitting into a bucket#my post#criminal minds#dr spencer reid#i;m sure the required teaching sabatticals helped too#to show him he could be/do something else#still
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