#spinning them in my brain for real
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Tom's line about Shiv being selfish and "find[ing] it very hard to think about me" is actually so telling because while it's absolutely true that she rarely takes his position into consideration, Tom never once thinks about what he can do to help Shiv unless it also benefits him.
Every single time he makes a move or sacrifice that might help her, it's always something that he thinks will give him a leg up. He volunteers to take the fall for cruises, not for Shiv, who is in no way implicated, or even for Waystar, but because he thinks it'll ingratiate him to Logan, and the second it seems like he might have to actually follow through on that, he immediately tries to get out of it and even throws Shiv under the bus. Meanwhile, for all that Shiv disregards his interests, there are a number of things she does that only help him, and she's the one who actually sacrifices something and undermines her position with Logan to beg him not to let Tom go to jail.
It just makes it so clear that no matter how much he might love her (and I think he does, in his own compromised way), for him their relationship was always built on the underlying assumption that it's her job to prop him up, but it's not his job to help her.
#i rewatched that ep a few days ago and this was just cooking in my brain for a bit#their relationship is so messy and interesting i want to watch them get a divorce on a loop forever#and like. the wildest thing is that Tom does occasionally do things that don't serve him to help someone else. but its always greg#which you might say is ultimately down to the power dynamics (shiv can do more for tom than he can for her and tom can do more for greg)#but there are still plenty of points where tom actually does have the power to help shiv and chooses not to#and I love how succession never really has a clear 'what this character is telling you is 100% the truth of the story' moments#anytime a character is making a statement like 'this is who you are/who i am' or 'this is what i really want/what you really want' there's#always some kernel of truth to it but the narrative they're spinning is almost never fully honest#you can't take any of it at face value and it's such a good way of showing how they're always on some level 'playing the game'#and like. at a time when so many stories are basically spoon-feeding their audiences it's so nice to have a story that trusts you to#sort through it all and see what's real and what's not and rewards you for putting that work in#succession#4x07 tailgate#succession season 4#failmarriage#shiv roy#tomshiv#tom wambsgans#siobhan roy
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Life series: real life has me desperately wanting a Gem and Joel team up in a full season but consider also: a triad with Etho, Joel, and Gem
#geminitay#smalishbeans#ethoslab#etho#gem#life series#real life#trafficblr#traffic smp#im just spinning them around in my brain like a microwave#i am so fascinated by their dynamics#and a “obsessed with me” trio???#i need it
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i'm probably a system but i have a job so idrc about that rn
#spent a bit of time reflecting on my shitty past and i realized that a set of behaviors i had as a kid#line up really really fucking well with did symptoms#i used to talk a lot to myself as a kid but it felt like an. actual conversation between myself? instead of just#talking to nothing and imagining a response#no dude i actually felt two sides of my brains spin their gears different ways to form different points of view and ideas#I CAN STILL DO THAT.#another thing that makes me think that was how whenever i went into fight or flight i always. acted a certain way.#i always didn't care about being punished or grounded. however the main me was like. really fucking scared and i'm still traumatized by it#it's some real weird shit i'm telling y'all#and dating a system kind of made me realize all of this as well#shoutout to my girlfriend she's so cool dawg#but anyways- i always felt a strange kinship and immediate understanding to did systems .#like . i heard that people usually have a hard time grasping the concept but to me#“oh hey! other people have that split mind thing i got but to the extreme! that's pretty neat!”#anyways sorry for the yap sesh but something else i wanna say is#dude holy FUCK how did you fuck up parenting that bad that you accidentally get a second son- daughter.#if i ever write an autobiography my parents are hearing so much shit from me istg#i love them but also. WOW. WWOOOOWWWWW#anyways rant on the tags over uhhh goon bye gang ! 😁😁😁😁
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i think about the whole "love that" exchange a lot.
#i think i already have a post about this somewhere im just. rotating it#they realize they just kinda revealed a bit too much in front of Trent Crimm (Formerly) The Independent#and he does the whole biting wind-up to a question you know is going to be sharp as hell. bringing in that heat#and rebecca just. doesn't even try to get out of it#is she taking a leap of faith? is she just tired of spinning a whole yarn? testing him? giving him a chance?#and his response is just. simple. a real smile--almost conspiratorial and they're both in on the joke--and 'love that.'#sincere and almost warm. love that. bc that's what he actually thinks. not asking what he thinks he should#what he thinks the crowd wants to hear. but just. god her ex husband is a dickhead. absolutely you should try to fuck him over. love that#and rebecca all but beaming at him in response#i wish we'd gotten more of their dynamic tbh. i think that interaction probably helped soothe any anxieties she had about the whole thing#i think the next time we really see them interact is just the girl talk thing#where she's gleefully including him on the gossip and he's SO fucking pleased to get a good grade in girl talk something both normal to w#but like them developing an almost easy banter Fast. please. and like. him letting himself be. himself. in front of other people#not just ted. and rebecca GETS that if anyone gets getting flayed by the lasso effect it's her#so like. IDK MAN I JUST THINK THEY SHOULD BOND#also keeley. DEFINITELY keeley. all three of them. FUCK#trent crimm#rebecca welton#gertspeak#god. him being so pleased about the girl talk comment too. lives in my brain rent free#rebecca or keeley pays him a genuine but offhand compliment and he (and clearly completely unconsciously) just#fully does a pleased little wiggle in his seat. and they're like hmmmm
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1929 — Carlo sends one last letter to his family in Sicily, writing about Xaviero's death. He asks them not to write any more
Who are we to each other? Strangers from different worlds? Or maybe we're just random victims of spontaneous impulses? Do you know how hard it is — to pull the trigger? This world is so good the second before it explodes.
cont.d: Through the anxious twilight, the smoke of cigarettes, Reflected in the mirror by the nervous flame of a candle. I'm sitting at the table — there's a gun on it I'm playing a game for strong men
I'm laughing at myself — I'm drawing a mustache, You don't know what I'm like for sure
You don't know how serious this is going to be. I have two hours until dawn And one more unresolved question:
Who are we to each other? Strangers from different worlds? Or maybe we're just random victims of spontaneous impulses? Do you know how hard it is — to pull the trigger? This world is so good the second before it explodes.
You lost your shadow yesterday by accident, And today it's not you, it's her visiting me We'll play a little game here in the dark.
The gun, me and the shadow, try to understand I, alas, don't know how serious it was, Your shadow, unfortunately, cannot answer To this simple question:
Who are we to each other? Strangers from different worlds? Or maybe we're just random victims of spontaneous impulses? Do you know how hard it is — to pull the trigger? This world is so good the second before it explodes.
We'll punish each other with the ultimate measure of despair, To erase this evening from our memories. There's only one bullet. Don't feel bad. I'm spinning a drum and that bullet is mine
And now I know for sure how serious it all is 'Cause silence is also the answer To my ridiculous question
*** Late at night. Through all the commas finally got to the point. Address. Mail. Don't worry, I'll never dedicate another line to you. Quiet. Sounds. Sounds rarely reach me at night. The letters dance. I write and never expect a reply.
I love without needing an answer.
#it was so fun to draw#m2#carlo & anna#carlo falcone#anna falcone#first lyrics go to anna! not carlo. 2nd is for carlo#“I'm spinning a drum and that bullet is mine” -> bc no matter what it's anna (and xaviero and their parents) who will be the victims#“I love without needing an answer” -> i think it's clear that it's bout prefering delusion instead of reality#carlo would rather live with the vague memories of his family than with them as real living & breathing people#avart#sometimes i think fuck i could've write them soo differently like real family (literally couldn't think of it before lmao) but#this ridiculously fucked up dynamic of family who're victims of the mafia in sicily & mafioso son in usa ia so firmly entrenched in my mind#<- literally such a cliche i genuinely hate it & cringing from it but alas#+ smth about carlo and anna who remain a mystery to each other probly forever fucks up my brain sm
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my sense of urgency for this election was all used up watching a genocide play out live on instagram while my mom continued to talk about which politician might make the housing market better and i tried not to genuinely lose my mind over the dissonance. in all honesty short of bombs dropping on americans' houses my adrenal glands are beyond checked out. i'll show up to the polls and do my part and try to plug into the bare bones direct action i can find in the middle of nowhere deep red county state but god. there are so many posts circulating trying to fear monger me into voting for one genocidal president of this genocidal nation over another and i may as well live on a different planet. i can fathom the urgency but i could not make myself feel it short of being held at gunpoint. which may even be on the ballot but that's how americans have been voting for decades now and each of them regardless of party has worried about the idea of being held at gunpoint while a right of theirs is taken away while there are people who are already being held at gunpoint and their rights have already been taken away by the very people being beamed into my eyeballs as the escape from this hypothetical violence that's already non-hypothetically happened to millions who aren't US liberals because of the america they're trying to save from trump the same america regardless of democrats or republicans or whigs or federalists and does anyone else feel like they're going crazy
#j.txt#2024 elections#cannot imagine how american palestinians are feeling#it's genuinely... like i felt honest to god insane watching the boots on the ground journalists over there every day for like 4 months#and then going to work 5 days a week like any of this fucking matters#like nothing about this election can compare in my psyche to that like i'm not even trying to compare them but my brain like#changed shapes this year. and its shape now does not include a sense of urgency about fucking dollhouse barbie american politics after#experiencing all that. last year early this year#i still think about gaza every day but i'm privileged enough to have burned out obsessively getting updated every day#the ocean we swim in said this is normal now. israel committing genocide w our dollars is normal now#it's the same shit with the pandemic and i don't buy into it but the dissonance of the entire world around me spinning on that axis#while mine spins on a completely different one where thousands of people we could have saved are dead now#like sorry that is genuinely insane. i feel like my mind will actually break if i think about it for too long#it's a worldwide gaslight and it's Unfathomable that these political issues in my world#where thousands are dead. is not on my mom's political radar whatsoever like she's thinking about jesus and the housing market#like those thousands upon thousands of lives were never even REAL#i feel like i'm going crazy man it's so fucking ridiculous how am i supposed to take politics seriously with that split#like i know how and i still do but. can anyone here me it's just#it's genuinely a gaslight to think about it too long like i will feel like my reality is splintering
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#i dont like travel much but can someone take me to italy to see michelangelos david i need to see him before i die#he's been the associative object (object. object) for my current brain spiral. the one i wrote that whole essay on the other day#the imitation of a human body the representation of a human body#i think i want to go somewhere i can see more sculptures representative of human beings in general#to cause myself more symbolic or metaphorical pain#the fenced off representation of a human body. you cannot touch it.#you cannot touch the statue. but also. you ARE the fenced off untouched statue.#desire and the desired and being an object and having and being a body and being and not being human#i want to be frozen in marble on the pedestal i want to be the pedestal i want to topple off the pedestal#the human body the human body the human body#⬅️ saying this all deliriously as if dying in your arms from blood loss#talkys#im not sure how to feel about the thoughts that have been swarming my brain lately but i feel like it could be made into art#if i were smarter#its like silkworms in their cocoon#in the way i would have never been the person to discover how to get silk from them i hate that i cant spin any of this into#something tangible and meaningful and poetic and real#i want to make art i want to be art i need someones hands to pull the fibers from my untouched brain#he's like a doll to me. i am a doll to me.#🌺
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i don't want to reblog the fic Again but im just spinning shb corishtola in my brain SO fast these past few weeks
#shtola reaching out to cori at the last minute bc she cant let them go into battle without saying SOMETHING#and showing how much she cares. even if its not Those words. not letting cori keep themself apart from her. im gonna cry again alksdfhklds#also i need to design a lightwarden cori but idk that's not my forte really i just think they would have a gun#like statice. lol#i need a text post tag#also think i may have a real opening scene planned for island fic now its been spinning in my brain also bc it's connected#im like the pepe silvia meme rn#but i dont have time to write tonight i gotta catch up on wip wednesdays and also read a bit of priory#bc i WILL finish it before march
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i feel like i am going to disintegrate and explode but, in good news, i may have discovered a rare tree!
#in bad news - i MIGHT have misidentified it and publicly humiliate myself!#the possibilities of the universe are truly endless…#honestly i’d just like to stop having a 24/7 anxiety attack - i feel extraordinarily unwell#and i don’t know how to stop it#because the problem is me being anxious about several massive unresolved issues that are 90% out of my control#i call things like that my spinning plates#and one spinning plate is okay… maybe i can even handle two#but once too many plates get spinning - that freaks me out#and i won’t stop freaking out until the issues are resolved and i can stop worrying about holding them up and not breaking them#so in the meantime all i can really do is attempt to manage myself#which is hard when my brain is fucking SCREAMING all the time every day and night always#but i’m Trying#it would be cool if the tree was real#it would be nice
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Blorbos... ASSEMBLE!!!!
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hate being lucid & then realizing when i wasnt lucid god
#idk if thats even the correct term#i mean like. there are minutes/hours/days where i walk thru life fully spinning out#nothing’s real/my body is dying/my time alive is about to end/i can hear them laughing/i see & smell things no one else does#im not meant to exist in society/they can smell the rot on me/i must’ve spoken out loud without realizing it/they can hear my thoughts#they perceive me in ways that arent true/there’s a reason for this isolation/this looks like a film set/this trinket is a sign#my blood is too thick/my brain has holes in it/i must have a brain tumor/my liver must be shutting down#its just . all of the above & more on rotation . feeling constantly on eggshells . and then something will either snap me out or#i will gradually get tethered again to lucidity. aka recognizing how crazy it must be#but i still feel like my timeline is coming to a close. i still feel like an outsider . i dont know how to connect#i zone out and see visions of a life. scenes & yearnings . i zone out and i dont know how long i zone out for. seconds or minutes
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Bro I'm also almost done with 7 and why do they insist on doing This Shit to all of poor Ichis father figures (Arakawa and Hoshino) like what the hell man Ichiban Kasuga licheraly has suffered more than anyone in the world and also Snap bro I love your mind but I want to fucking drop kick Aoki AND Sawashiro into the fucking sun fuck em both anyway ilyyy stay winning 🤪😘
id be more concerned if you left the game not wanting to dunk them in the bin. hope you enjoy the rest of the game tho :]
#snap chats#'fuck em both' bro im TRYING#on the real tho aoki's definitely by far more hateable than sawashiro imo#i mean we know i love them both so im biased but sawashiro definitely feels more like an unfortunate antagonist#not that he doesnt act out of his own will and he doesnt do rank things but hm... hard to explain..#anyway i love shitty people theyre so fun to spin in my brain#speaking of tho i got a phatty post feat sawashiro coming up in like. lord knows idk depends on if i can focus long enough
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forever a so unfair injustice that if I want talk with people about my fic I actually have to write it before
#i want to but im so tireeeed#why do i always want to write the most when it's late at night and im too tired to do so#my mind is fuzzy and my blorbos are spinning around in my brain#(this is about my fic in which stone has a kid)#(guys i rotate them so bad i love their relationship but it only exists *in my head* so far)#(it's like... i don't even have a lot of interactions between them planned so far i mostly just know how they feel about each other)#(and even then i don't even know when i will be able to have them interact for real that is *when i will actually write to start with*)#(stone isn't even in the fic so far)#(you don't even know the kid's name guys *the kid has a name* and i can't even tell you what it is cuz idk it's spoiler or something???)#anyway
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source/iris real
#1xr tag#'my iris' ough#this game is so. much with the possessive terms to indicate identity#'my fixer?' etc#i think i blew through the final bits of the game too quick while too tired my brain i s SPINNING.#im gonna go back to try out diff endings later but man.#also need to revisit those bunker (?) surreal scenes and iris on the stairs#so i can think more thoughts abt them#i started getting rlyy sleepy at around the point where mauve went up to the dome roof#also wanna revisit what communion memories are real v fake v impossible to tell
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ohh i do Not like my hair being wet ouhrrr
#just me hi#Ouhrrrrrrrr#It's just a bad sensation but it's hard to describe Why#I like water and I like being in it but I hate it On My Head after I'm out of it. Sigh!#Don't like touching it either. My hair is gross when wet <///3#I just outta the shower so the damp sufferings have commenced lmfshv#//also been thinking about how I say words because I have been TEASED. For saying water funny hfbshc#It really does come out like 'woerder' but in a subtle why lol#n 'shawr' (shower). which I think Must be more common but I think it's fun :3#n milk is pronounced 'mewk' but again; subtly hfhs#Siblings are barely starting to catch on.. quick i need to add more before they find all of them kfhsvdc#those are the most common ones anyway :)#//anyway watched gladiator before the shower it was good 💥#Also watched a movie while doing the inks to my last piece called uhhh sanctified I think ? It's a western n it's on yt for free so#That one was good too i liked the character death by the tree [<- purposefully vague]#I have questions but nobody has answers so I'll spin them to myself kfshvfh#//also thinking abt how i cannot just blast all my affection for someone in a condensed beam straight into their brain :(#Like it's just in my heart. And I'm sposed to hold it there until I figure out how to get it out#Which is okay. Ig that leaves eternity to try to find out how to tell and show#Sigh. yea :)#//also my youngest siblings are learning to skate !!!!!#I'm so prouddddddddddd blooooo [on the ground]#The youngest Finally got the hang of moving around and she's figured out how to turn when she's going a bit quick !!! Hey !!!#i taught the two of them how to do little jumps to avoid cracks in the pavement and Yea#The older one got a hang of moving Real quick!! I'm thinking he might like learning to do jumps at some point so I'll ask our other brother#Abt that :33#He was p good at jumps and tricks :D I remember this one time during open street in Detroit they had these ramps for skateboarders I think#And he was just Flying off of them#It was cool :D#//ANYWHO. I can sincerely talk abt my siblings all day but they would be so mad at me if I bragged abt them so KFVSH
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suit - Chris Sturniolo
summary: Chris has a wedding he has to get to, but he just looks too good in his suit that you just need to take him before he leaves.
contains: smut, soft dom!chris, stomach bulge, fluff, quick sex, bathroom sex.
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5:47pm
chris walks into the living room with a giddy smile on his face, adjusting his tie as he gives you a little spin.
"wooww, somebody looks dapper!" you grin teasingly, standing up off the couch and walking over to him.
he laughs, "matt had to help me tie this stupid thing." he scoffs, adjusting the black silk tie around his neck.
"you look so good though! i didn't know you even owned a damn suit." i giggle, adjusting the fabric around his shoulders.
"thank you thank you." he smiles, giving you a stupid wink as he tries to act proper.
"when do you have to head off?" i ask, my tone slightly quieter now as i drag my nails down his blazer, the fabric loosely hanging over his waist.
"like, 12 minutes." he says, checking his phone,
i give him a small smirk, the room going quiet.
he stares at me in silence, his arms folded over his chest.
"what do you want?" he asks, chuckling softly as i just continue to smile up at him.
"mmm, you knoww.." i shrug,
i can see it click in brain what i really want, how couldn't i? he just looks so good in his suit.
"when i'm home yeah? we don't have enough time." he whispers, pecking a kiss to my lips.
i shake my head, crossing my leg as i clench my thighs together, trying to soothe the ever-growing ache between my legs.
"please chris, i need it now." i whisper, staring up at him through my lashes with my big round eyes.
"i cant- matt and nick are waiting for me.." chris says, scratching the nape of his neck.
"just- just come." i whisper, grabbing his hand.
i silently pull him down the hallway to the bathroom, opening the door quietly before locking it.
"baby- seriously.." he whispers, hes trying to deny it, but i can see the hunger in his eyes as his eyes travel down my body, looking at the tight tanktop which hugs my curves just perfectly.
i drop down to my knees, fiddling with his belt buckle as i gently slide it off.
"please chris..?" i smile up at him, my tongue darting out to lick my lips.
"fine.. fine- we gotta be real quick though." he sighs,
my grin only grows as i unbutton his pants and slide them down his legs,
he's left standing in his black calvin klein boxers, an obvious tent forming.
i tug them down his legs aswell, his semi-hard erection springing out.
i take him in my hand, my fingers barely able to close around his girth,
he shakes his head, grabbing my hand and pulling me up off my knees.
"don't have enough time for that baby." he whispers, his voice hoarse and croaky.
he lifts me up and sits me on the counter, his hands instantly going for the waistband of my shorts and tugging them off.
he tuts, "no panties f'me?" he grins,
my cheeks heat up as i nod, "sorry.."
"'nah, don't gotta apologise for that sweetheart." he mutters, dragging a finger through my folds.
i let out a sharp gasp,
on a normal day, chris would tease me until im on the verge of tears, but today, he has to be quick.
"gonna be real quiet for me?" he asks softly, positioning his tip with my leaking hole.
i nod frantically, "yes- yes chris, promise." i mumble,
he suddenly slams his cock into me, i feel every single inch enter me at an ungodly pace.
he doesn't waste time to start thrusting, hard.
despite my earlier promise about being quiet, its pratically impossible now, i let out loud moans. his tip is abusing my cervix, his cock showing through my belly.
"oh baby, feel me right there?" he whispers, dragging his cold fingers over my tummy.
i nod with a strangled cross between a whine and a moan,
chris instantly shoves two fingers in my mouth.
thats hot.
my moans are muffled and almost silenced by his long fingers resting on my tongue, i close my eyes as i grip the counter top for dear life, the force of his thrusts nearly making me shift off.
"hurry up baby, gotta cum for me." he mutters under his breath, shifting his spare hand down to my clit,
he rubs quick circles on my clit, i feel my whole abdomen tightening as my orgasm rapidly approaches.
my head falls forward onto chris's shoulder, biting down on the fabric in a weak attempt to silence myself.
"good girll.. so good." he whispers into my ear,
i finally tip over the edge, my stomach dropping as i clench around his cock, i bite down on his shoulder hard as i orgasm, hard.
he thrusts into me a few more times before burying his cock deep, his release spilling out inside of me.
he quickly slides out of me, both of us panting as we lock eyes.
his cheeks are now flushed and his hair is messy, but he still looks somewhat presentable.
"you- you okay?" he asks, dragging his middle finger through my folds and pushing his cum back inside of me.
i gasp with a nod,
he reaches down and checks his phone,
"shit baby, matt and nick are waiting for me in the car, i gotta go." he mumbles, tugging up his boxers and suit pants, fastening the belt around his hips.
i let out a small groan in response,
"im sorry sweetie- dont wanna have to leave you here all messy but i literally cannot be any more late." he sighs, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
he goes to turn away but i stop him.
"wait-" i giggle,
he turns back to look at me,
i call him over as i stare at his shoulder,
his blazer shoulder his completely damp from my pathetic attempts to muffle them on it,
i reach out and wipe the fabric free of my spit, "sorry." i grin
chris laughs, "you're good, it was better than you screaming out into the house and alerting matt and nick that im indeed not taking a shit."
i giggle loudly, "youre grossss."
"youre gross!! you've got my 'fuckin cum leaking down your legs."
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