#i mean like. there are minutes/hours/days where i walk thru life fully spinning out
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hate being lucid & then realizing when i wasnt lucid god
#idk if thats even the correct term#i mean like. there are minutes/hours/days where i walk thru life fully spinning out#nothing’s real/my body is dying/my time alive is about to end/i can hear them laughing/i see & smell things no one else does#im not meant to exist in society/they can smell the rot on me/i must’ve spoken out loud without realizing it/they can hear my thoughts#they perceive me in ways that arent true/there’s a reason for this isolation/this looks like a film set/this trinket is a sign#my blood is too thick/my brain has holes in it/i must have a brain tumor/my liver must be shutting down#its just . all of the above & more on rotation . feeling constantly on eggshells . and then something will either snap me out or#i will gradually get tethered again to lucidity. aka recognizing how crazy it must be#but i still feel like my timeline is coming to a close. i still feel like an outsider . i dont know how to connect#i zone out and see visions of a life. scenes & yearnings . i zone out and i dont know how long i zone out for. seconds or minutes
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