#and showing how much she cares. even if its not Those words. not letting cori keep themself apart from her. im gonna cry again alksdfhklds

[scionshtola]

i don't want to reblog the fic Again but im just spinning shb corishtola in my brain SO fast these past few weeks

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

The Thrilling Saga of Connie paying real life money for the Worst Sonic TV Show

Let’s begin with the simple fact that me and my sister, @birdsareblooming​ “Cori”, have both been hyperfixating on Sonic the Hedgehog since last March. During this hyperfixation, I was on Sonic Wiki to copy-paste song lyrics onto my stolen mp3s, and I called my sister in and pointed at the template at the bottom. 

“What is this Sonic Underground thing?” I asked. “It has one shit billion songs.” 

So we clicked on the page to read about it, and each sentence we read was a punch in the gut and this quickly became the funniest thing we’d ever read. Highlights include:

It looks like this:

“Sonic[...] is known to be a prince” 

Sonic has two siblings who actually have good characterization but their names are literally just Sonia and Manic. Like. Sonic split into two names. jesus christ 

Also Sonic and his siblings all share a voice actor. honestly Jaleel White does his best with it but 

“The three siblings possess enchanted medallions that transform not only into musical instruments, but also into weapons.”

“Some fans consider Sonia to be a clone of Amy Rose, minus the attraction Amy feels for Sonic.” YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

“Manic is the most often captured of the siblings” himbo king 

Knuckles shows up, and for the first, like, two sentences his description is very similar to the game, and then you get immediately pulverized by “He has a pet Dinosaur called Chomps.”

Literally so many sentences on Sonic Wiki are lowkey salty about this show. The page features lines such as “Sonic Underground bears little relation to the often complex Sonic universe (including previous animated series, as well as Sonic comics and games), and shares only three established characters” and “many of the characters in the Freedom Fighter group that were in Sonic the Hedgehog are completely left out (including Tails).”

“The show met with mostly negative reviews.”

*checks air dates* It only lasted two goddamn months

So after seeing this we thought it was the funniest thing and we showed our older sister, @patema-introverted​ “North.” To our surprise, our at the time “knew nothing about this sonic bullshit” sister recognized the show. Turns out she’d seen trailers for it as a child and that was her sole exposure to Sonic canon. 

We were in quarantine at the time, so we ended up finding it on YouTube and binge-watching it all together as a sibling bonding activity. It was just as hilarious as we thought it would be- some stuff was legitimately good, like the sibling dialogue for instance, but good lord were the character designs ugly, the plot all over the place, and pretty much every song, um, not great. Also there was one episode that we skipped because it got, um, I think “stereotypical” is the nicest word I can use here. 

But the point is, we had a jolly good time watching it, and afterwards we binged all the other Sonic shows and bonded as a family. 

After quarantine, North and I go back to college. My roommate gets groceries at Walmart, while I get them elsewhere, so while she and North collect food I wander the DVD aisle to look at the cool movies and also dumpster-dive in the bargain bin for Cats (2019). I am also short as fuck, so the top shelf of movies I cannot see, I can only read the labels. 

So one day I was browsing the DVDs, and glancing over at the labels for the top shelf. I read over the final one before the shelves end. 

And then I stop, do a double take, and have a heart attack, because there is a label that reads “SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74″

I immediately climb the shelf but there aren’t any DVDs atop the shelf. However, the label is still there. I excitedly tell my sister and roommates, freak out with them a bit, and then give myself a mission statement:

I will buy the $4 Sonic Underground DVD from Walmart

I did not want it as a gift, I did not want to find it online. I wanted to walk into a store, pick up the Worst Sonic Show on DVD, walk it straight to the checkout, and in front of the cashier and God, pay for it with my own money. I did not care if it was the whole series or two episodes; I needed to do this for my own serotonin.

We would go to Walmart about once a week. Every time, I would go to the DVD aisle, and go right to the end of the shelves. I would stare at the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74 and empty space above it and wonder who the fuck was buying this other than me. I would occasionally ask employees if they had any copies in storage. I would build a shrine to Manic in my room. Okay, no I didn’t, but only because my RA would have murdered me. 

Christmas break comes, and we have to go home. We have a nice Christmas, and Cori and I infodump at each other about how we would make Sonic Underground a good show (note: we’re both galaxy braining) and also play Bendy and the Ink Machine. Fun times. 

When we finally get back to College, it’s late January- long story short we have a very long winter break. My roommate who gets food at Walmart got food without us the first week cause she showed up first, so we take her out to Walmart the first time in the year of our lord 2021 on January 29. 

I wander the Valentine’s aisle, immediately grabbing a sequin puppy. I go to the DVDs and see Animaniacs Season One, also grab that. 

And then.

There it is.

The Holy Grail. 

Above the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74, is one DVD left. 

Already I am losing my mind. It’s roughly seven hours of episodes- I couldn’t find an episode list, but I think that’s half the show, for $4! And the cover is amazing. 

That’s a png of Sonic from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) with a medallion badly photoshopped over it. The medallion is too small. 

Manic is shoved into the corner. He doesn’t have his medallion at all. 

Sonia isn’t even pictured on the front cover, probably because they realized she was the worst designed of the bunch. I’m not ragging on her though, because she’s still one of the better designed characters of the show. Those background characters make me cry 

So you bet your ass I finally paid my hard-earned $4 for this shit. Upon getting home, I discovered that there was even wilder shit with this DVD than I thought. 

For starters: the bonus features listed are as follows:

Original Concept Art - did not expect that these character designs were the final draft

Storyboard-to-screen - did not expect they bothered to storyboard this 

Music Video Jukebox - that’s cute, they thought we liked the music 

Interviews with original screenwriter & executive producer - I fully expect the only questions to be “why.” 

On the left of this list are screenshots from the show, where people can finally see Sonia, who we Know™ is a girl because she is pink and has hair and also an actual body shape instead of just circles like her brothers. 

But wait... what’s that in the lefthand corner? 

That looks like some kind of robot. But it’s not a robot from Sonic Underground! That didn’t appear once. Why is it here? 

The mystery continues upon opening the DVD case: inside are advertisements for other collections, including other Sonic DVDs: two volumes of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) and the final episodes of Sonic the Hedgehog “SatAM” (1993)

First of all, the first volume of AOSTH has the exact same PNG of Sonic as the Underground Volume 1. Not even trying to hide it. But second... the second volume of AOSTH also has this robot on its cover. 

And THIS ROBOT IS ALSO DECORATING THE THIRD DISC IN THE SET?

So you may be asking, who is this robot? Is it from AOSTH or Underground?

IT’S FROM FUCKING SATAM. The one show that doesn’t have it decorating the DVD covers.

Also, not only is it from SatAM, it only appears in one fucking episode. Not a major character! AND IT HAS A DIFFERENT DESIGN ON THE PROMO ART, WITH HAIR AND FANGS.

Why is it showing up everywhere? What is going on? 

I have not yet had the opportunity to watch this glorious piece of animation, but I am so glad at the confusion I have felt upon receiving it. 

But before I go, I must share with you the best part of this DVD purchase. And it was flipping to the back, scanning the details, and discovering the exact runtime of the episode collection. 

Guys, gals, and enby pals, friends and enemies, Nintendo and Sega, the first Volume of Sonic Underground has a runtime of...

420 MINUTES.

Maybe I’m wrong and this IS the best Sonic show. 

[bullseyegames]

Today at 1:00 PM EST I saw Cats the Musical at the Shubert Theater with my mom. Here’s the saga:

Overture:

Mistoffelees was right next to me in the overture with glowing cats eyes and I nearly died right there.

I started crying during the overture, my mom gave me a tissue. Going great so far.

I started screaming at the end of the overture, people are starting to realize I’m a crazy person.

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats:

Omg they’re here and they’re real and I’m here! I’m crying again.

I pointed out Cassandra to my mom as she came up the aisle. Mom is questioning why I know all the cats names.

MISTO AND TUGGER ARE CUDDLING EACH OTHER HOLY SHIT

The guy the cats call out for being surprised was right in front of me he looked So confused and scared and I was just grinning behind him.

Naming of Cats:

I’m whispering the words along with the cats. Plato made eye contact and smiled at me. I’m crying again.

Watching Victoria in the background is so much fun. She’s getting really into this.

Victoria’s Dance:

Invitation to the Jellicle Ball:

Misto sneaking up on Victoria with a mischievous look in his eye is a mood.

Victoria looks so annoyed with him, they are literally me and my brother and it makes me so happy.

I love this Misto’s voice and he’s so fucking graceful and elegant and I love him!

MISTO AND TUGGER ARE DANCING TOGETHER OMG

Mungo and Rumple try to greet Munk and he rolls his eyes and tells them to go away. Jerre is very upset at this.

Gumbie Cat:

Looks like the trunk is either broken or not functioning in this space so Jenny just kinda slid out onto the top of it but she’s so beautiful so I don’t care.

Misto is being such a helpful and concerned boy whenever Jenny is around. He’s very concerned when Jenny spaces out for a solid minute.

The Gumbie trio are angels and I will take this belief to my grave.

Plato being a snarky little shit during the dance break made me laugh.

FOR SHES A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

The Rum Tum Tugger:

He’s here and Skimble is not happy about it!

Misto and Skimble are arguing in the background. Looks like misto is saying Tugger is cute and Skimble is disagreeing.

Misto makes sure Skimble isn’t looking before joining the dance.

Skimble stop trying to pull cats away from Tugger he’s a big sexy magnet and you can’t stop those hips.

My mom is singing along, this makes me so happy.

Misto is just twitching and squealing like a kitten he loves his boyfriend so much.

Munk has given up, just rolled his eyes and walked off stage.

Skimble is now complaining to Jenny, Jenny is too busy staring at Tuggers ass to pay any mind.

Grizabella the Glamour Cat:

Oof. No one is happy rn.

George is extremely startled poor baby.

Munk is trying his best to keep Demeter away and she is not happy about it.

Bomba actually walked up with her arms extended only to hiss and scamper off at the last second. That’s cold girl.

Munk is being very protective of the cats around him. Tugger walked off and Misto ran after him.

Demeter has such a pretty voice and Bomba is so sultry and AH SHIT I’m crying again.

Platoria alert! PLATORIA ALERT!

Bustopher Jones:

Misto continuing to be an extremely helpful boy making everything glow.

The actor did a great job but I honestly prefer his Gus more but we shall get to him later.

First Macavity Scare:

AH SHIT ITS GETTING SPOOKY

Misto and Tugger reaching out to each other before running off in fear.

Bomba being the last cat onstage showing that she don’t give a damn.

Plato is protecting both Cassandra and Victoria. I’m noticing a lot of Plato and Cassandra moments and I’m not sure how I feel about that just yet.

Mungojerre and Rumpleteazer:

ENTER THE CHAOS GREMLINS!

I love them so much and they were extremely slinking baby bastards.

The cartwheel was better than my best dream I’m so happy I’m gonna cry again!!!

Munk and Alonzo ain’t too happy with their shenanigans.

Old Deuteronomy:

“Old Deuteronomy?”

Munk and Tugger duet. ;-;

Platoria cuddling. ;-;

MISTO SMILING AT ME AS HE PASSES. ;—;

Second Macavity Scare:

Everyone just fucking bolted. No protecting, no character interactions, just pure fuck this shit I’m out.

The Jellicle Ball:

This was the happiest I have been in a very long time.

The dancing was gorgeous and the character interactions are absolutley amazing throughout the entire sequence. It was truly a wonderful sight. And yes I did cry again, I’m running out of tissues.

Pas de Deux:

I love that there was no awkwardness or hesitation, just pure love and devotion and OH MY GOD HE ALMOST DROPPED VICTORIA.

Like everything was fine in the end but he visibly stumbled and old Deuteronomy looked very startled for a hot sec. Still very beautiful.

Memory:

DANGIT GRIZZABELLA I HAD JUST STOPPED CRYING!

In all honesty my favorite part was old Deuteronomy looking longingly at her in the background. He misses her so much. ;-;

INTERMISSION :3

Moments of Happiness:

Old Deuteronomy’s voice is so strong and his vibrato is simply heavenly.

Deut pats cori on the head, cori pats Jemima on the head, Jemima sings like an angel.

Look at all those angels!

Gus the Theater Cat:

Jellylorum has such a lovely voice and her gentle movements are lovely.

Gus insulting the kittens is absolutely adorable, they’re so insulted.

Gus playfully hissing at Jemima before booping her nose makes me so soft.

Cat puns making the audience laugh is always wonderful.

The Pekes and the Pollices:

Whispered to my mom before hand “get ready for some chaos”.

Winsome Chinese :3

Misto with a boot on his head is more hilarious than it should be.

Gus has such a wonderful voice and it’s very clear he’s having a blast up there.

Gus received the standing ovation he deserved. Bless that wiry cat man.

Skimbleshanks:

“SKIMBLESHANKS THE RAILWAY CAT”

Alonzo and Jenny playing cards in the background while Skimble sings has a very specific vibe to it.

Mungo is so happy to be dancing with his dad and is just running around like a kitten.

Misto has slipped away to unleash his inner laserpointer.

Macavity Kidnapping:

DEMETER IS DOWN FOLKS SHE IS OUT LIKE A LIGHT.

Munk trying to shield everyone’s eyes and accidentally looking at Macavity and passing out.

Aaaand there goes cat dad.

Macavity:

Deme baby looks so startled.

Bomba we get it you have the hots for Macavity stop biting your lip like that.

YES GURLS FUCKING WORK!!!

Macavity Fight:

Poor Munk getting thrown around like a rag doll, Plato too getting flipped over.

Alonzo like “BITCH LET GO OF MY BOYFRIENDS GIRLFRIEND!”

Mac trying to use his magic to rehypnoitize the cats and looking genuinely scared when it doesn’t work.

Black out!

Mr. Mistoffelees:

Tugger being like alright y’all shut up while I sing about my boyfriend.

PJ is so graceful and beautiful!!! His voice is also very gentle and lovely and him and Tugger being so touchy makes me so happy.

THEY HUUUGGED!!!!!

OH WELL I NEVER WAS THERE EVER A CAT SO CLEVER AS MAGICAL MISTER MISTOFFELEES?!?!! ;—;

Memory:

This was a simply gorgeous performance. This Grizabella made some wonderful character choices and there was a beautiful satisfaction when Victoria took her hand.

I did notice that even after he touched her Tugger looked very uncomfortable at Grizabella’s presence.

Journey to the Heaviside Layer:

Oh.. oh my god I didn’t realize the tire flew that high. OH MY GOD I DIDN'T REALIZE GRIZABELLA ACTUALLY FLEW AWAY.

Addressing of Cats:

Heavenly Deut voice, audience bursted out laughing at the “cat is not a dog” line and I can’t blame them. Crescendo, bows, and it’s over...

POST SHOW :O

After the show me and my mom went across the street to buy cookies and when we came out we saw them striking the set! Here’s them putting the tire in the truck! :3

Overall this was a magical experience and you bet your sparkly ass I’ll be looking out for when the tour comes back around to me. Now if you excuse me I need to buy more tissues.

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Cori's Tale (Pt.2)

-------------------------

We sat there for a few minutes, I exchanged stories with Patton about the surface world. His expression of sadness and anger at the notion of the other children sending us down the mountain as sacrifices was one I wouldn't soon forget. I learned a lot about him, to, he had a cat allergy, he took care of six children before I got here. That last line stopped me in my tracks.

"What. . . Happened to the other kids?" I asked, Patton's face seemed to fall.

"They. . . Left. . . That's all you need to know for now, dont dwell on it ok kiddo?" Patton rested a hand on my shoulder for a few seconds before getting up.

"I think we should head off now, yeah?" He said, holding a hand out. I merely nodded and accepted it. I walked with Patton into a narrow hallway. On one end was a sign, on the other a lever and pressure plates. Patton stepped a pattern on them, his hooves clicking against the stone, before flipping the lever. A door opened and he walked through it. I chose to read the sign before following.

"Only the fearless may enter here, brave ones, foolish ones, both walk not the middle road," I read aloud before crossing. The words bounced in my head for a bit, fading to the background as my attention turned back to Patton.

"This next puzzle you can do on your own,  I've labelled all the levers for you," he said, I watched him cross a few bridges to the end of the room, the second doorway was blocked off by a set of spikes on the floor.

I walked over to the first lever, light blue words were scrawled on the walls next to it, telling me this was the right one. This repeated with about two more levers before I heard a clicking sound and noticed the spikes behind Patton retreating into the ground.

"This next puzzle is dangerous, take my hand," Patton said, holding it out. I took it, not paying attention to much until I realized what we were walking on. Rows, and rows, of sharp, silver, spikes. The spikes seemed to retreat under Patton's hooves, I found this matter interesting.

"Now, as you go through the ruins, you may encounter monsters, and they may try to attack you, I want you to know you should just talk to them and I will come to resolve the conflict," Patton smiled and gestured to a dummy at the center of the room. I walked up to it and noticed the heart that had been established as my SOUL appear in front of me again. I saw something behind the eyes of the dummy, something I couldnt quite place.

"Hi, I'm Cori, she/her and they/them pronouns, what's your name?" I said, not really expecting the dummy to respond. The mysterious aspect of its eyes seemed to evaporate, my SOUL retreated back into my chest, I looked to Patton for guidance, but he merely smiled and clapped in approval.

"Now, follow me kiddo," he said, walking to another room. We'd nearly gotten there when a small frog-like creature appeared in front of me. A barrage of flies aimed straight for my SOUL, I narrowly managed to avoid them by spinning out of the way.

My mind seemed insolent on two options, threaten, or compliment. I was never very accomplished at threats, so instead I decided to compliment the symbol scrawled on its chest. The frog began to blush, it was seconds away from preparing its next attack when Patton stepped out onto the scene. With a glare that could freeze even the toughest child in their tracks, he shooed away the frog creature.

"You did wonderful kiddo," he said, smiling as he lead me to a much longer corridor.

"This test is going to be very difficult, I am going to leave you alone, and you're going to have to walk to the end of the hall, do you think you can do it?" He said. I nodded, I'd been on my own plenty of times before this.

I watched him disappear down the hall and began walking myself, I'd almost reached the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder once again.

"Its alright kiddo, I didnt really leave, but this was a very important test of your independence, I need to make sure you can be alone, I have to handle something," he said. He dropped what looked like one of the old phones the guardians back at the community talked about used to have.

"I will call you periodically to make sure you're alright," Patton walked away from me and I stood there.

He did, in fact, call several times before his phone was stolen by a dog. After about twelve calls I decided it might be best to venture out on my own, after all, I already knew how to talk to and spare the monsters. I packed my art supplies and sketchbook back into my bag and set off.

The ruins were relatively calm, with only the occasional froggit or molsmal to interrupt my walking, though my complimenting and flirtation skills were advanced enough that I could pass them easily. The first real problem presented itself in the form of a ghost, laying on the floor and sulking. It was a sort of faded purple color, and it seemed to be pretending to sleep.

I elected to nudge it slightly with my foot, resulting in a retaliation from the ghost.

"Oh. . . Oh no. . . They noticed. . ." Lavender, as the words appearing above the ghost called it, seemed rather upset.

"I'm sorry- I just needed to get past, I've got somewhere to be," I said.

Tears rained down from the ghosts face, I held my hands up to block them, but they seemed to float back upwards, changing shape the closer they got to my outstretched palms.

"I really didnt mean to frighten you, you seem rather nice," the ghost seemed surprised by this statement.

"I want to show you something," she said. I merely nodded and watched as she cried, her tears floating up and beginning to form what looked like a flower-crown on her head.

"Woah- I wish I could do that," the ghost retreated out of battle.

"I met someone today. . . And they were actually really nice. . . Wow," the ghost disappeared without another word, needless to say it was a uh- different experience, but I didnt mind it. I kept walking on, solving puzzles as I passed them, fighting all manner of strange monsters. I left some money in a web of spiders, each seemed to be wearing their own small hoodie, I decided to write a note complimenting them on it, hoping they would find it sweet. I put the donut they gave me in a ziploc bag of other food items I'd collected, hoping that would keep it from messing up my backpack.

I finally managed to reach what looked like a small house, out of which Patton walked, phone in hand before he noticed me.

"Oh my goodness gracious how long was I gone! Come here kiddo- I'll heal you," he said, trapping me in one of the biggest bear hugs I'd ever experienced. I felt a calm wash over me. Patton let go and guided me into the house.

"The pie isnt cool just yet, but I'll let you know when it is, feel free to explore," said Patton. I, however, had had enough of exploring that day, and decided that I would rather draw at the table.

I began to get tired later in the day, and elected to go to bed. I woke up later in the night with the smell of pie filling my nostrils. I merely set it in another ziploc in my bag before going back to bed.

I wasnt sure how long I was in the ruins before I began to feel homesick, but soon enough I'd plucked up the courage to ask Patton about leaving.

"Stay here kiddo, I need to handle something," I watched as Patton disappeared around the corner before following him. We walked all the way down the stairs before he stopped at an archway, turning to me.

"This is the exit to the ruins. . . I am going to destroy it. . ." He said.

"I have seen five children pass through these doors, and never return, one who didnt even make it through the ruins themselves, I cannot let it happen again," I was frozen, processing the words to slowly to interrupt.

"If you cross, they, Logan, will kill you," Patton said, something about the way he said Logan's name resonated with me. He sounded distraught, as though he were talking about someone personal to him.

"But you cant keep me here forever, it's not right," I said. This seemed to breach the silence.

"You are right. . . You would just be unhappy here. . . Very well. . . Prove yourself to me, and I will let you go," this time, two hearts appeared. My own ever-changing one, and an upside-down white one on Patton's side.

I barely had time to comment before facing a barrage of fire and flames. I narrowly managed to dodge it, holding my hands out as a barrier.

I wanted to talk to him, but I couldnt seem to find the right words.

The fire kept coming, I held my hands out, envisioning it in my head as changing shapes, which it soon obeyed. I watched as the fire molded itself to the images in my head. Soon enough the spitting image of Patton was in front of me, made of fire, before it split off into separate whispers of smoke. I could see the surprised expression on Patton's face as he watched.

Soon enough his attacks became less calculated, almost as if he was actively avoiding hitting me.

Finally it was over, Patton sighed, defeated.

"I am so sorry kiddo. . . You're right. . . You would just be unhappy, my expectations, my loneliness, my fear, I will put them all aside, for you," he said. He opened his arms for a hug, which I embraced in full. As he let go I could see the tears making their way down his face. I watched him leave, turning his head slightly and giving me a small nod.

Then it was just me and the door. As I walked through, I was met with a long corridor. At the end if it, a familiar orange face.

"Well done! You spared the life if one innocent person!" Said the tree.

"What do you want with me." I growled under my breath.

"I am the prince of this worlds future, but do not worry, my plan isnt regicide, this is so much more interesting,"

I stomped my foot into the ground "What. Do you want. From me." I repeated.

"You interest me, human, sparing even those who would kill you without hesitation, but what will you do if you meet a relentless killer? Will you kill out of frustration? Or will you continue to die, because you would rather rely on magic than murder," the tree seemed to disappear abruptly, leaving me alone with the words echoing in my head.

I continued down the path, and was met with an overwhelming sense of cold at the end.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@that-artsy-gay

@official-lucifers-child

@spooky-scary-virgil

@misunderstoodshadowling

@youtuberswithalex

[singerj2002]

who are bonnie's friends??? which are her relationships??? i dont need sleep, i need answears

ALSO AN ANON ASKED FOR SOME OF BONNIES RELATIONSHIPS

Tugger is kinda scared of this small fluffy queen because she always knows more then she is letting on and sometimes even mentions things that she shouldn't know by accident and he is kinda scared of her.

Bonnie and the chaos twins should not mix because bonnie will let them steal and she is also insanely reckless when she wants to be. She is like an older sister figure to them who lets them get away with way too much because she has done some of the things they want to. She trusts them way too much. Also she made a mistake of teaching teazer how to use a grappling hook.

There is a club that consists of cori tanto misto jem and bonnie that is the magic club and they meet up to like practice magic and bonnie gets to teach about what she knows from traveling around the world. It is a lot of fun.

Bonnie’s best friend is Cassandra. In my mind cass is refined history and bonnie is chaotic history. When they meet bonnie fangirls a little over cass because she has seen her a lot in memories that she has witnessed. Cass is flattered and thinks that she is sweet. They bond at first about talking about history but soon they just become best friends. They go to France together and have fancy coffee and break into the catacombs, they spill tea together and have like deep talks and its hard to explain but it just feels like such an iconic friendship that i cannot put it into words. 

One of her other best friends is @ask-jemmie oc Titanic who is basically her father figure. They are just iconic and i love their friendship so much. I’m not going into the friendships more because I’m tired and I want Cinder to talk about Titanic before I give everything away ;)

As it turns out, bonnie’s mom lucy, was skimbles older sister. Through bonnie kinda using her power, remembering old stories that her mom used to tell her, and the fact that she looks and sounds like both her mom and skimble, it was pretty easy to tell that the two were related. Bonnie has always wanted to meet her family, she is a history lover so of course, she wants to meet who she is related to. She would have done it much earlier but she was terrified of meeting him because it has always been her and mom when it came to family. She has one or 2 other close friends and she has her crew for work but she has always been alone and has had to fend for herself a good amount of the time. It’s overwhelming to find out that you a lot more people who care about you than you thought. Skimble welcomes her into the family with open arms, he is happy to have a piece of his sister back and he is so excited to meet his niece. They end up becoming really close. Sometimes she joins him on the train so they can talk about family and their respective adventures. Its really nice for them because at first they get closure about lucy and then they both get a chance to learn about each other and have someone else who cares.

well, when bonnie and alonzo met it was like something went off in their heads and it was almost magical. The second they met eyes could tell that the other was important, it was hatred at first sight. Alonzo thinks she is too naive and that she is easily manipulated and just thinks she is on the more annoying side. Bonnie thinks he is too vain and she thinks that he thinks he is better than her, which is kinda true cause bonnibel is a mess, and she hates that he is so closed off and she knows that it’s going to end with him being alone. Bonnie tried not to fight with him when they first met but he somehow pushed every single one of her buttons and Alonzo thought it was kinda fun to make her mad because it happens so rarely. Over time they know each other so well because they start going to the other to rant because they know that they will be judged regardless. Alonzo has a hard time showing affection and those type of emotions and bonnie has a hard time showing her anger and sadness and they are both stubborn as all hell. They are basically 2 sides of the same coin and end up going from enemies to reluctant frenemies to frenemies to friends who you think hate each other but actually respect the other so much to possibly even lovers.

NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE OT3!! THIS RELATIONSHIP BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY AND I KNOW I AM NOT DOING IT JUSTICE BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST!! THE RELATIONSHIP IS BONNIE MUNK AND DEMETER!! I just love their dynamic so much. Bonnie and Munk are both workaholics who give their all to who they care about and Bonnie and Demeter are these strong women who has been through horrible things but came out on the other side happier and they both have this longing to be free and they both have so much love in their hearts. One of the big moments of bonnies life is that she was in a relationship where she and the other person basically idolized each other and it just ended up exploding in their faces. What I love about the three of them is that they are come from 3 entirely different backgrounds and they have the capability to fight and they do, but what makes me love their dynamic so much is that they can talk about it and get through it together. Munk comes from the tribe and is Old Doots son and has always had a big family and the jellicles behind him. Demeter has her past with macavity and has had a community turn its back on her and a community who has lifted her up and she knows how much it can hurt when you are on your own. Bonnie is characterized by the fact that she has mostly been alone, even though she has friends, she has always been more of a lone wolf with a few other that she is close with. All 3 of them balance the others out and they teach each other how to work together and trust more or less. Demeter is very punctual, she likes to get to places on time and is usually early. Munk tried his best but there are times where he has to help pounce who got stuck in a bucket again. And Bonnie has never been on time in her life. They all help each other with their trauma and help each other grow. Bonnie meets dem and can just sees so much strength in dem and she can't help but admire her so much and want to learn more about her. Dem as just has this presence about her that makes bonnie feel calmer. Her and dem both love looking at the stars. Demeter loves her undying optimism and her ability to always bring a smile to her face. Bonnie can tell how stressed munk can get just by looking at him and she completely understands it, and she just sees how dedicated he is to his family and can’t help but fall for him too. He loves how caring she is and her horrible jokes and her passion. Instead of talking to them she is like "im gonna hide my feelings deep down because i dont want to hurt them and i would rather suffer in silence and have them be happy” because she is an idiot and they dont say anything to her because they don’t want to scare her off and they think that she doesnt like them back. long story made a bit less long, after like 3 months of pining they finally crack and tell bonnie how they feel and all three of them get together. It also helps that everyone has been suffering while watching them pine. I CAN TALK ABOUT THEM FOR HOURS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!

[askthedustbowl]

do they give each other hickies and if so who gives/receives and what are the muses reactions ?? (i hc eurydice gives them to orpheus but i’m curious to know what y’all think)

Oh you know Eurydice likes to give Orpheus hickeys. The first time it happened though... oof that was an experience.

Orpheus was watching the movie. He swore — he was paying attention up until he felt her fingers on his arm. She was touching him gently, but he could feel her eyes on him too. Eurydice and Orpheus were curled up together on the big chair she had in the corner of her apartment, her legs thrown over his, and her back against the arm of the chair. Some cooking show was playing on her laptop as they sat together, but while he was still watching, her attention waned.

Her fingers intertwined with his and she leaned in, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“Orpheus,” she whispered, her lips against his arm, pressing kisses against his shoulder, working her way up and across his collarbone.

“Mmhmm?” He mumbled, trying to make it seem like he was still focused on the screen, when all of his focus was on the way her skin felt against his.

He could feel her smile against his skin for a moment before she shifted, moving to sit in his lap. His arms went around her, as if second nature to want to hold her close, to keep her steady. He clasped his hands behind her and rested them on the small of her back. “Has anyone...” she trailed off, pressing a kiss to his jawline, tugging a little on his bandana.

He bit his lip and his eyes fluttered a little, his attention entirely on the way her lips felt as they explored his jaw, on the feeling of her tugging him closer. She started to undo the banana and he squeezed her waist.

“H-has anyone what?” He asked, a little breathless. He could feel her smile, feel a little puff of air against his neck as she laughed, pulling the bandana off his neck, and dropping it behind the chair. She pulled back to look at him, bringing one hand up to cup his cheek.

She looked at him with a mix of stars and hazy lust in her eyes, and he looked back at her, his eyes bright, wide and fluttery. She smiled at him pressing her mouth against his for a moment. This he knew how to do. He knew how to kiss her, how to meet her where she was. Their kisses were like waltzes and he was the greatest partner she had ever had. When she pulled away his eyes were half shut. She smirked and stuck to her original plan.

“Has anyone ever given you a hickey?” He blinked at her and, half afraid of what his voice would sound like, simply shook his head. It must have been the right answer because Eurydice’s eyes lit up and she went back to kissing his jaw, sucking slightly at points. But it was when her lips found the spot on his neck that she loved, he understood what she was doing.

Oh. Oh.

Orpheus’ head fell back, and his grip on Eurydice tightened. She relaxed into his frame and continued sucking on that one spot on his neck, just relishing in Orpheus’ uneven breathing. She alternated between pressing open mouth kisses across his neck, hot and gentle, and pulling sections of his neck between her lips. When she used her teeth the first time, just nipping him slightly, she won the jackpot.

She heard his breath hitch, before a soft moan found its way out of his lips. She smiled against his skin, her semi assault on his neck not faltering. Hearing him moan, hearing him speak his pleasure into existence using that damn voice of his was something that affected her in ways she had never been affected before. She felt like she had won a prize every time she was able to elicit a moan like that — full bodied, honest, and just a little broken.

She spent more time than she would have liked to admit with her mouth on his neck. By the time she was ready to move on, Orpheus had moved from moaning, to whimpering, her name frequently crossing his lips. When she sat back on his legs, she was able to admire her handy-work — eight or nine little love marks, blooming the softest shades of lilac and rose on his pale skin. She knew from experience that tomorrow they would be violet, magenta, but she had taken enough care to place them in the direct path of the bandana he wore everyday.

He felt her lean back and his head rolled to the side. His eyes were needy, his lips red from where he had been biting them. He looked positively radiant — this unconventional mix of soft and sharp. Like he wanted nothing more than for her to continue doing whatever she wanted to him. No, with him. She might have staked her claim on him, her little signatures peppering his neck, but this was their dance.

“Eurydice,” he said, his voice thick, catching in his throat. She smiled brightly, leaning in to kiss him gently for just a moment.

“Take me to bed, Poet,” she said, pulling back from their kiss just enough to whisper against his lips. He nodded and wrapped his hands around her thighs, shifting to stand, with her wrapped around him. He held her close to him, his forehead against hers, as he carried her the few steps to her bed.

* * *

Orpheus woke up to the incessant vibrating of his phone. Eurydice was curled into his chest, his front pressed against her back, and he so didn’t want to move her from her position. She looked so peaceful, sleeping in his shirt, hands gripping the blanket.  And so he tried to ignore it, instead choosing to wipe the sleep from his eyes and lay back down. The phone kept buzzing. And buzzing. Soon enough it woke Eurydice from her sleep. She whined and turned in his arms, pressing her face against his chest.

“Make it stop, Poet,” she murmured, sleep mingling with annoyance in her voice. He pressed a kiss to her head and reached over to grab the phone, answering the call without looking to see who it was.

“Hello?” he whispered, not wanting to disturb Eurydice any more than he already had. He felt her curl into him further, her head finding its way under his chin as she held him close to her.

“Oh my god,” he could hear laughter from the other end of the phone. Thalia. “We’ve woken Romeo!”

“Thalia?” Orpheus murmured, confused as to why his aunt was calling him. And even more confused as to why he could hear two or three sets of laughs in the background.

“Hey Kiddo, did you forget you were coming with us for brunch so that we could plan for Euterpe’s birthday?” Orpheus’ eye widened at that, his body tensing up and alerting Eurydice to the fact that something was wrong.

“Oh, Thalia, I’m so sorry, I-I-I got distracted last night and—“ Orpheus removed himself from Eurydice’s grasp, much to her annoyance. She growled low in her throat as he got out of bed, but her frustration quickly turned to annoyance, and sadness, as she lost the warmth of her Orpheus.

“It’s okay, Kiddo. I texted Hermes and he gave me Eurydice’s address. Urania, Cory, and Erato are with me, and we’re meeting Poly there. We’re outside Eurydice’s building now.”

“I’ll be down in two seconds, I promise! Wait for me!” He said, searching for his clothes on the floor, throwing on whatever he could find.

“We will,” he heard Thalia chuckle before hanging up.

“Wanna tell me what that was about?” Eurydice said, sitting up in bed, rubbing her eyes. Orpheus was frantically looking around for his shirt until Eurydice spoke, and when he looked up at her, he was greeted with a vision.

Eurydice’s hair was messy, her bangs flying out in all directions. Her eyes, soft and sleepy, held worry in them as she looked to him for an answer. His t-shirt was hanging off her shoulders and Orpheus hated the next thing he said before it even came out of his mouth.

“That was Thalia. I forgot I was meeting her this morning. She’s outside. I need my shirt back.”

Eurydice looked taken aback for a moment, frozen. Of all the things she was expecting to hear come out of Orpheus’ mouth, those four short sentences were maybe the most unexpected. She must have stalled for a moment too long, because Orpheus moved from the end of her bed up to sit beside her.

“‘Rydice, they’re downstairs. I’m so sorry but I need to go,” Eurydice nodded, pulling his shirt over her head, leaving her only in her lace bralette and thin pyjama shorts. He leaned in to kiss her quickly, gently cupping her cheek, before pulling his shirt over his head. It was then that she noticed the problem.

“Shit, Orpheus,” she said as he leant down to pull his shoes on. “Orpheus, you need your bandana, where is it?”

“Eurydice it’s fine I don’t need it, I’ve already made them wait long enough.” Eurydice shook her head, looking at the damage she had done to his collarbone and his neck the night before. Oh gods he’s going to see his aunts like this.

“No no no, Poet, I think you should find that bandana,” she said, a sense of dread creeping into her voice. She moved to get out of bed, but Orpheus just brushed her off, instead coming closer to her. He gently placed a hand on her waist, and out of habit she put her hand on his cheek, as he leaned in again to kiss her softly.

“I’ll text you later,” he said smiling, before letting her go and running out the door and down the stairs. And there Eurydice was, left standing in her apartment, as her boyfriend went to visit his family with six or seven hickies in full view.

“Oh fuck.”

* * * 

“Don’t. Say. A. Word,” Urania hissed, urgency in her voice. It shocked her sisters, but they knew better than to argue with each other when one was so insistent. When Orpheus stepped into full view of the car, there was a collective half-gasp-half-giggle from the other women in the car.

“What are you talking ab— oh my god,” Thalia said, gripping the steering wheel, trying to hold back a laugh.

Urania unbuckled her seatbelt, hopping out of the car. She turned to her sisters and once again, venom in her voice, said “don’t say a single fucking word.” She turned and waited for her nephew to approach her.

“Urania,” He said, a little out of breath. “I’m so sorry. Eurydice and I were distracted last night a-and I forgot to set an alarm.” She smiled at the tall kid, and reached up for a hug.

“No worries, Starlight. Just glad you could make it,” she said, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. She kept thinking about how Orpheus said ‘Eurydice and I’, as if it was one word. EurydiceandI. No separation. And it looked like, if Eurydice had her way, she was trying to remove all spare space between them.

“Okay, you get the front seat. No room for your long legs in the back,” Urania said, making Orpheus laugh, before sliding in beside Erato. She watched Orpheus get in, watched Thalia reach over to ruffle his hair before he turned around to smile brightly at Erato and Cory.

The drive to their favourite brunch spot was loud, which was the only way Orpheus knew his family to behave. What started as a story about Cory’s latest performance quickly turned into giggles and other anecdotes. When they arrived at the restaurant, they saw Poly waiting out front, waving to them with a big smile on her face Urania hopped out of the car quickly to run up to her sister.

“If you say anything, I will end you, Poly, I swear,” she whispered next to her ear as she hugged her close. Urania could tell the moment that Orpheus got out of the car by the way Poly gasped slightly. Urania let her go, watching her skip over to the car to wrap Orpheus up in a hug.

When they were all settled inside at their table, coffee and tea in front of them, the family quieted just slightly. Cory stirred her tea, Thalia sipped her coffee. Orpheus took a small sip of his orange juice, as Urania started to talk.

“What did you and Eurydice get up to last night?”

Orpheus almost choked on his orange juice, but saved himself and put the drink down. All the women could see the slight blush creep onto his cheeks.

“We watched a movie for a bit,” he said, his eyes on the menu in front of him. “And then we…. w-we hung out and went to bed.”

“Did you have fun?” Erato asked from beside him, leaning forward to rest her chin on her hand. She smiled at him, with just a glint of mischief in her eyes and it was only a bit unsettling for Orpheus. Orpheus didn’t have a chance to respond before Urania started talking again.

“Cause it sure looks like Eurydice did,” she said into her cup of coffee. Orpheus looked around the table, completely wrapped up in his confusion. Poly wouldn’t make eye contact with him, Cory had dissolved into giggles, her head fully resting on the table. Orpheus made eye contact with Thalia who, with a smile on her face, gestured to her neck.

Orpheus’ hand came up to his own neck, and accidentally pressed his thumb into one of Eurydice’s love bites. Oh no, Orpheus thought to himself. In an instant, his mind flashed to last night, to Eurydice pressed against him, claiming him, to Eurydice this morning, insistent on him wearing his bandana.

“Oh my gosh,” Orpheus said, closing his eyes, his hands coming up to cover his neck, as his aunts finally burst out into laughter. Thalia was wiping tears from her eyes, and Urania smiled smugly at Orpheus. He sunk down in his chair, pressing his chin forward, ignoring the sting of one of the larger hickeys.

“I didn’t… we… s-she just…” Orpheus tried and failed to find words to explain the marks on his neck. He let himself fall over onto the table, hiding his now red face in his arms. A chorus of ‘aww’s came from his aunts, and he felt someone reach over to ruffle his hair (probably Poly) and felt an arm wrap around his back.

“Hey Orpheus, it’s okay! We’re just having a bit of fun,” Erato said, rubbing circles on his back. The laughter died down, and the five women watched him with smiles on their faces. “No need to get embarrassed! We think it’s cute.”

Orpheus knew that there was no malice or venom behind the words and laughter of his aunts — in all honesty, they were thrilled that Orpheus had fallen in love, and with a girl as sweet and lovely as Eurydice. They loved getting to watch him in this state, and their hearts ached for their big sister, who would never get to see how blindingly happy Orpheus was. But it still made him feel embarrassed.

“You alright, kiddo?” Thalia asked from the other side of the table, reaching her leg over to nudge at his foot. Orpheus just groaned in response, sitting up. His face was bright red, as he looked down at the table. He thought about Eurydice the night before, and how she had been so excited to cover him in kisses and marks the way she did. He thought about it and couldn’t keep a little smile off his face.

“… I didn’t know they’d leave such visible marks,” he mumbled, biting his lip and reaching for his juice to take another sip.

Urania snorted at him, shaking her head. “She was sucking on your neck, kid, what else did you expect?”

[ofrosesandash]

100+!

Holy crap, I've broken a hundred followers. And this reboot of Margaery has been kind of fantastic for me, so thank you to everyone following me, and everyone who has talked to or written with me. In honor of this milestone, I am giving a nod and a shout out to some great blogs and their writers. Due to my ass being terrible with noticing these details, I'm using the pronouns "They" because I'm not positive who is a she or a he or in between.

To begin with, my first shout-out to those I feel are constantly under appreciated: MultiMuse Blogs. I mean, there can be rare and wonderful Muses in their rosters. Running one of these Bad Boys is a HUGE commitment to multiple characters you believe you'll use frequently. These peeps are the lifeblood of RP Communities.

@astormofagirl​

Cori is amazing and we go way back to when I first started writing Margaery, I wanna say in 2015. We've both bounced between in different URLs and Blogs. While I've only written with their Sansa at this time, they have a lovely selection of ladies they write quite well!

@openxstrings​

They've got a selection of top notice rare muses, and at least one nifty OC. It's been a bit since I checked out the roster. The ones I've written with are Edward Covenant from "The Order", Herc Hansen from "Pacific Rim", their Pacific Rim original, and Riddick-aka the badass Scifi Anti-Hero portrayed by Vin Diesal. Not only are all of these characters available, they write them damn well. Talking with them has been a true delight; and though there is a time zone difference, it's worth waiting for them to respond. Not to mention, they're honestly just great to talk to about antics planned or occurred.

@fallesto​

This lovely person reblogs a roster of their active muses. They've got some of the tougher ones in the fandom-Cleganes, Joffrey, Qyburn, Selmy, and others. The roster also currently includes all of Margaery's husband. You should, honestly, already be following them.

@asoiafundone​

A multi Muse by Lady Grey. A fantastic Mun and a dynamite writer. We haven't written quite as much as I'd like yet-but we have spoken a bit. Lovely person, brilliant writer.

@orionknytechildofzeus​‌

Don't let the URL fool you, they’ve got more then one muse. They've got a cool selection of OC's and Canon characters, and they're a lot of fun to write with!

@sarcasmasadefense​

I haven't written with them yet (my bad), but they seem very nice, and on their roster includes the lost Tyrell brothers, Willas and Garlan!

@mcssagcinabottlc​

A lovely person I spoke to and wrote with a little; their roster contains Margaery's sister in law, Leonette Fossoway.

The Squad

These are two who've had the most OOC and partial crack interactions which. These discussions have been pretty much perfect, so, I identify them as Margaery's squad.

@bastardslayer​

I mean, look at that URL. There are many talented Sansa's on this site, but that URL definitely stands out to me. We've been plotting and talking out of character almost fairly regularly, and they've got a great grasp of their muse.

@chevalier-de-la-fleurs​

Similarly there are a number of great Loras's out there. That said, this particular Loras writer has always been the easiest for me to talk to. I don't know them well, but they're friendly, and a great writer, and I've really enjoyed writing with them.

Precious Ones

These are people I love writing with. Maybe they aren't in Margaery's squad (at least yet), but she definitely enjoys her time with them, and is prepared to fight for them.

@outlawerofbeets​

NORA IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE SPOT IN THE FANDOM. We mostly scream head canons about Margaery and her smol King Husband back and forth at each other, but we have threaded. It's always a treat, and it usually tugs at my heart strings. For instance, once upon a time, Margaery found herself romantic with a Tywin. And she started to apologize to Tommen and explain she didn't think it was wise if they married, because she'd fallen in love with another. When she revealed who, Nora's Tommen's response was the most precious, purest things ever. "But he's old!" Also they've got an older Tommen/Arya ship that's to die for.

@agirlofwinterfell​

This is the first time Margaery has really connected to an Arya. And, like most of the older people Arya meets, she would kill for this murder inclined child. We've already got one AU for my Olen verse, where both Arya and Margaery are at the wall pretending to be boys.

@a-maimed-man-and-bitter​

So far we've got one thread; but ya know, it's been great watching Margaery and Jaime interact. This is furthered by the fact that their grasp of Jaime hurts my heart.

@mombeavty​

Margaery is so happy to finally connect to her twice sister by law. And honestly, I've never quite grokked full book or show canon, as I personally favor blended-so I really like what the mun has done with their muse.

The Greatest Ladies GRRM Inspired

I have a mad love for original characters. While writing a pre-established character takes talent, original characters express one's love and passion for a fandom. That fandom has inspired a whole character. Side note, I honestly love original character relations to canon characters. (If you couldn't tell). I don't see role play as needing to follow canon, as long as everyone acts in character. So, the more the merrier.

@thelittlestrcse​

Margaery didn't know how much she wanted a real sister until Trysta appeared. I'm a bit slow to respond to my threads with them, but this isn't commentary on my appreciation for mun or muse.

@lilliyxn​

A newer lovely muse, one can never have enough Blackwaters. Where GRRM stopped with Bronn, they decided he needed a sister.

@meryllfrey​

Honestly this is an original character that's managed to stick around, and that's saying something. Writing an OC can be extremely discouraging, with minimal interaction, almost no chance at shipping. But Lady Grey's Meryll Frey is a testament of creativity and determination.

Shout Outs

These are people I've talked to but for whatever reason haven't written with yet. For some of them, this is strictly on the standard of Margaery wouldn't interact with them, or I haven't cooked up anything yet.

@truetargaryen​

This is a super sweet muse running a book based Danaerys Targaryean. While I favor blended canon myself, book canon is nuanced, so pulling it off is an impressive ability. And pull it off, they do.

@exilekniight​

I first ran into them on one of my OC blogs, and honestly, I love them. Other then a previous absence of Jorah Mormonts in the fandom, well, let me quote them "Jorah Mormont FUCKS". This highlights their delightful attitude.

@longmayshereignxcersei

For obvious reasons, Margaery and Cersei will never be best buddies. That said, this is still my personal favorite Cersei-and not just because they put up with my originals. They're lovely as a person, and a very talented writer with some brilliant insight about their muse.

@foreignaccent​

This is another monument of the fandom. I've been dabbling between different muses since Season 3, and I can usually find that URL around. A fandom treasure, and a nice person

@potterstillstinks​

In talks with them, I fleshed out Margaery's wizarding world verse. They also put up with me because we were in the middle of discussion when I found myself in the ER due to a negative medication reaction. Even checked in. So, if you've got an HP verse, I strongly suggest following this Draco Malfoy.

Shameless Self Promo For Other Blogs of Mine You Should Check Out:

Did you know the Hightower's - Margaery's Mother's Family - are actually really interesting? They have a Valyrian blade called Vigilance. Their house is one of the oldest, they man a Lighthouse, and their words are "We Light the Way". OH and more notably, they're rumored to dabble in alchemy, necromancy, and other magic. So Margaery has two side Blogs: One for her mother, and one for one of her Aunts.

@vigilantalerie

Alerie Hightower is probably the mother of your favorite Tyrell. Olenna was born a Redwyne, she doesn't count. That's right-this is Mace Tyrell's wife, mother of Willas, Garlan, Loras, Margaery-and Trysta too!

@madmaidmalora

First of all, consider that that's not just a clever url. That's literally what she's called-the Mad Maid, rumored to dabble in spells, last seen locked away with her father looking for a method to stop the Greyjoy Incursion.

Next up I have a pair of OC Families. The Wildcrows, completely Original Content, and House Ferren-mostly original content.

@thewildcrows

Technically Alyssa and Baelor Wildcrow had different names when I first conceptualized them. But those original concepts were AU's for characters whose face claims already existed in Game of Thrones-and characters I'm actually plugging in original works. As I result, I created these two. Lys and Bael Wildcrow are Sellswords born of a Night's watch Deserter and a Wildling. Their father may have been a Blackfyre, but they have no idea what that means-nor would either of them care. If I'm not bothering with giving them a claim, why bother making them Blackfyres? One: I wanted to give them purple eyes. Two: Fire invulnerability neither of them realizes they have, as they grew up isolated. I find this could make for excellent hijinks.

@ladyferren

See, I love ferrets. Probably my favorite animal. So when a canon house was revealed called Ferren with two silver ferrets on its banner, I was desperate to know more. Except there wasn't much. They existed. Banner House of House Lannister. So I got a little carried away creating a history of a House and occupants to inhabit it. While the primary character is Seiran-the sudden Lady of her house after her father's sudden death-I also have the whole damn house hold available for interactions.

Finally, just a pair of fandomless girls I think you might just like:

@trixboomblast

Beatrix is a favorite creation of mine. She's a fandomless original character with explosive tendencies, behaviors, and habits.

@wikipediawoman

This is a side blog of Beatrix. Deia was inspired by Deadpool-what with the ability to poke the Fourth Wall and know way more then she should about pre-established character. I'm winging her as well somewhere between a Time Agent from Doctor Who and a member of the Temps Commision from Netflix's Umbrella Academy Adapttion.

[migleefulmoments]

Time for some CC Self Reflection

If you haven’t read the comment posted by ajw I refer you to her blog. She answered an ask which hit on the most common criticisms we have made about their fandom- they are misogynists, they fetishize gay men and gay relationships,  they don't actually like the choices Darren makes about himself and his career but at the same time they infantilize him and turn him into a victim, The anon also called them out for NOT being true allies and that Darren and Chris aren’t sending secret messages to the fandom.  

Ajw responded with her usual lack of any self reflection and repeating old arguments. 

Let’s begin by saying that Darren and Mia are a couple. I have been hesitant to say that outright and always referred to things that Darren said because I have been clear that I do not know Darren but I have had it confirmed by someone who does have that kind of access to Darren’s life to know for sure that Darren’s truth is that Mia and Darren are in love, bundling a life together and are engaged. Proven fact. 

Now let’s tackle the response: Is the CC fandom misogynists? Yes, of course. She lists a handful of women in her life who are living real lives as if that proves she doesn’t post misogynistic hatred toward a woman she has never met. Recognizing women in one’s life who have real-life struggles doesn’t prove you aren’t a misogynistic...it just proves you aren’t obtuse.  

They are misogynists because their hatred of Mia is not based on a personal knowledge of Mia but rather a set of stereotypes and labels they have given her simply to fuel their hatred. They criticize the way she dresses, her personal hygiene, her work ethic, and her career choices based entirely on their own fantasies. They have decided that Mia -and only Mia - has no right to post anything on social media and when she very rarely does, that PROVES she is a fame whore and it provides more fuel for that hatred. THAT is the definition of misogyny.  

She says: 

I happen to HATE one women. But it is not because she is female. I would despise her no matter her gender, race, nationality, or sexuality.

When I look up the definition I get 

mi·sog·y·ny/məˈsäjənē/noundislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women."she felt she was struggling against thinly disguised misogyny"

The truth is that hating even one women based on stereotypes and ingrained prejudices against women is what makes it misogyny...not that Mia is a women.

Are they gay fetishists? Of course. 

She explains that she loved Klaine, not because they are two men but because “they were great, real, believable characters and D&C bright so much beauty into that relationship it was impossible for me not to love them”. I have already said before that season 2 and 3 Klaine were all of those things but after season 3, Chris was OVER Klaine and there was NO chemistry. But besides all of that- Klaine is scripted TV. There were several scripts that were auctioned off by the Box Scene Project for charity and many of us have read them, everything was written by the writing staff. Nothing they said or did was up to Darren and Chris except for a few ad-libbed lines we heard about. Nothing else...the words they said, how they stood, moved, danced and sang with one another was all controlled by someone else. The kissing scenes were all highly scripted with cameras directly in their faces. There is nothing real happening on a scripted-TV show. Lea and Cory were actually in love and dating and nobody believes the Finchel scenes were actually Lea and Cory. 

Ajw continues to adamantly deny that she confuses Klaine and CrissColfer when in fact it is a regular occurrence by both her and the fandom. Darren and Chris were coworkers and nothing more. Neither man has ever once hinted at being a couple. The fandom proclaims they are a great love and go on about what the two men do and yet there has never been even a hint of confirmation from Chris or Darren. The only proof the fandom has that Chris and Darren have acknowledged their great love is through their interoperation of Chris’s Instagram “likes”, Darren T-shirt graphics and a crap ton of fabricated theories. 

The entire CC Fandom “ships” CrissColfer. For them to “know” CC is real would first require Darren or Chris to acknowledge with words or actions that they have a relationship before they can “know” it is true. Until that time its nothing but shipping. Of course neither man has ever so much as hinted. In fact Darren has said “I’m straight” for 9 years and has been with Mia since before Glee started. Both Chris and Darren have asked them to stop, have talked about fans who don’t understand reality from fantasy and called them the Kragen and crazies.  Until Chris or Darren confirm with words that they are a couple, the CCers are “shipping” the two men. 

They fetishize Darren as gay based entirely on his behavior they deem was “gay”. They call him “Daisy” when he “acts gay”, claim he goes to gay clubs to “stare at half-naked men”. They say he is gay because he wears pink, a “God save the Queers” Tshirt, or tiny shorts in a gay rights parade. He’s gay because he puts on a wig and lip syncs Mariah Carey. Their beliefs about male and female behaviors and dress are quite disgusting. They reduce every gay man who enters Darren’s life to a “role model” who will be “helping him come out”.   

Darren has said he is straight for 9 years and yet they claim he is gay simply because of their fantasies.  Darren has never even hinted he is anything but straight.  

Are they talented men? Sure, but they aren’t “the most wonderful, caring intelligent creative and generous human beings”...they are STRANGERS. Complete strangers. You can’t know if someone is generous, wonderful, and caring if you don’t actually know that person. Darren is a person that a lot of people like and a lot of people comment on social media that he is super nice and down-to-earth. Those same people also say a lot of nice things about Mia and the CC fandom only cares about the first type of post. But Is he generous? I have no clue---he charges a shit load of money for Meet and Greats! Is Chris wonderful, generous and caring? We have no clue at all. We know Kurt, we don’t know Chris. All of these things that CCers believe about Chris and Darren are based entirely on Kurt and Blaine or their own fantasies.

And together, they are a shining example if a love that is rare.  They have suffered so much and have been each other’s rock for EIGHT years.  There aren’t many like them and I don’t understand why it is wrong to admire them because they happen to be two men.  The way they love and respect each other is something we should all aspire to have. 

Again, we have the fetishization of love. They have a love that is rare? They have never shared anything about themselves that suggest any kind of love. They have NO PUBLIC relationship. 

Darren and Chris’s long-term suffering is entirely fabricated by the CC fandom. Darren has said “I’m straight”, “I love her very much” and talked about his wedding plans among other things. Chris said Will is his boyfriend when asked by a child at a TLOS event and dedicated a book to him. Suffering? Darren just won an Emmy, a Critic’s Choice and a Globe, his bar is hopping, his tour was a success...people who are suffering don’t have successful careers- especially one in which he must give on-camera interviews. 

“They are each other’s rock for EIGHT years”? Again, we have never heard anything from either man to suggest they are even friends, let alone each other’s  “rock”. They don’t have a love we should “aspire to”- that is all a fantasy. A100% fantasy. We really know nothing about anyone’s relationship except our own. It makes no sense to believe that two strangers who have no public relationship have a love we should all aspire to. How they cannot see this is entirely all their own fantasy, baffles me. 

Respect each other? It seems pretty clear to me that Chris doesn’t want anything to do with Darren -at least publicly. We know that Chris had to be forced to do the wedding interview, we know they have no public relationship, we know that Chris has asked the CCers to stop believing they are together and has said that Glee isn’t a documentary. We know that Chris doesn’t like to be talked about. I have no inside scoop on how Chris feels but it is clear to me, that he is not interested in waking the Kragen and as long as he fears that, he will not have a public relationship with Darren.

Does she hate Darren? Yes...she really does. Darren is that slightly douchy, frat-bro dude they hate so much. Darren is the man who accepts the product endorsements they rage about. The man they love and adore is the fantasy gay man they fetishize. He is mostly season 2 Blaine with whatever fantasy they have created. They want Darren to be a gay victim and they will rescue him. The man they cheer, the man they like is all a fantasy. 

They hate his choices and they blame everything they dislike on his team...a team that Darren hired and continues to believe in as evidence by this continued working with them. Contracts end and yet Darren has not changed his team in 9 years. Do they hate his family? Clearly, they “adore” his mother  but they have claimed that Chuck is bad because he likes and supports Mia. They hate all of Darren’s non-gay friends (as long as they haven’t said anything supportive of Mia). The friends she likes- a handful of people she has decided are “good” based on whatever a CCer uses to determine good vs. evil- Max, Jon, Etai, Lena, the ACS cast, proving again that the CCers can’t tell the difference between coworkers and friends. I know that Darren says the ACS cast is family but I hear that from a lot of casts they are doing press, and I believe they feel that way, but life gets in the way and it changes who is in our life. I’ve felt that way about coworkers I hadn’t heard from in decades.  Time moves on.    

We keep coming back to the concept: Darren is a stranger and believing things that Darren has NEVER said or even hinted at crosses all sorts of boundaries. One thing that is abundantly clear is that Darren is loyal and his friends from college mean everything to him. Denigrating that relationship to suit one’s fantasy is disgusting. Nobody whose entire knowledge of Darren’s life is gleaned from social media has any right to comment on his personal relationships. Period.   

Do Darren and Chris send them signs? She claims that they signs are for all of us but only the CCers actually take the time to listen. I can only LOLOLOLOL to this. As I have said before, the words that Darren and Chris say should be the only thing any of us are listening to. Their words are worthy of respect. believing they are sending convoluted signals hidden in social media while ignoring their words is fucked up. 

We end with Hollywood and closeting queer actors. Once again, the CC fandom’s version of closeting is one they have fabricated to fit their needs. No gay celebrity that I know of has talked about a forced closeting. No one has claimed a studio used a morality clause to keep them in the closet. Agents and mangers have encouraged queer actors to stay in the closet but nobody is forcing them to stay in. The real “closeting” happens when queer actors are not hired for jobs. That is a systemic problem that has to do with stereotypes and personal beliefs and NOT something that will be solved quickly or easily.  Closeting by a studio using a contract would be easier to change- a good lawsuit would end that kind of practice. But it isn’t that simple. 

I almost feel stupid answering this because it is so clear that the CC fandom’s fantasy is behind all of their “truths”. They have created and entire fabricated story that is so out of touch with reality that it can only be called scary. 

It’s late, I’m tired. Tomorrow I will proofread this and probably make it read better but I shall post it for now. Let me know if there are glaring typos.    

[doll-in-the-walls]

Horror Movie Reviews

This is a redo of my post on my main, minus the gifs that way I can make it as long as I want. That being said, this post gets long. Not in any order really though towards the end it’s in order of me watching or remembering movies I’ve seen.

Keep in mind: These are just my personal opinions/reviews.

Rating Key - Pumpkins

🎃🔶🔶🔶🔶 - HATED IT

🎃🎃🔶🔶🔶 - Really didn’t like it but it wasn’t that horrible

🎃🎃🎃🔶🔶 - It was decent. Neutral. No strong opinion.

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 - Really liked it but probably wouldn’t watch it again.

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 - LOVED IT. 10/10. Would watch again. (Probably already have)

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Halloween (1978)

🎃🎃🎃🔶🔶 3/5 Pumpkins

It was very slow to me. Didn’t seem to really get going until the last 10-20 minutes. I don’t like movies that do ADR honestly but it’s to be expected from older movies. It was a nice start to the series. Don’t hate it. Ending definitely worked to make me watch the next one.

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Halloween II (1981)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 (4/5 Pumpkins)

Not sure why but I liked this one better even though I didn’t get answers to most of my questions. More action, some VERY nice camera shots (in my opinion) and cool lil moments that make you gasp.

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Halloween The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

🎃🎃🔶🔶🔶 (2/5 Pumpkins)

I left with even more questions and very few answers… Looks much better effects/fake wound wise though.

I was super happy to see Paul Rudd. Nice surprise, I didn’t know he was in it.

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Freddy vs Jason (2003)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶

Very enjoyable to watch. (I of course was rooting for Jason the whole time. Just not a fan of Freddy). Didn’t need to watch either original movie/series to understand the two. (I’ve only seen parts of Nightmare on Elm Street, and honestly never watched Friday the 13th.)

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The Boy (2016)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 (5/5 Pumpkins)

I LOVE Brahms and CAN’T WAIT for the sequel. Movie kept me guessing and shocked me at the end (I was pleasantly shocked). The scares weren’t too in your face and the movie kept me interested the whole time. Definitely going to watch again.

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House of Wax (2005)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 (5/5 Pumpkins)

Loved it. I’ve already watched multiple times. I feel so bad for Vincent (pretty much any mask man from horror movies I seem to love. Idk why). Loved the effects and set/props (wax stuff obviously lol). Never really liked the opening scenes though, I’d rather we get right to the House of Wax but understand it’s necessary.

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Child’s Play/ Chucky Movies [1-6] (1988-2013)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 (5/5 Pumpkins)

(I’m going to do each one at some point so grouping these all together just for now).

I’ve rewatched these so much. I find 4 (Bride of Chucky) and 5 (Seed of Chucky) more funny than scary honestly.

Though no idea what they were thinking after that, the one after Seed is no good in my opinion. They should have ended it after Seed. BUT (See below)

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Cult of Chucky (2017)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 (4/5 Pumpkins)

Watched this only cause it was on Netflix and I gotta say it wasn’t that bad. I actually loved the ending though I’m usually one for happy endings. Probably wouldn’t watch it again but it was better than the one before

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The Lost Boys (1987)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 (5/5 Pumpkins)

Love it so much I have it on DVD. Watched it as a kid and never found it too scary but it that’s just cause I fell in love with the characters.... Love Kiefer Sutherland. Didn’t care for any of the sequels.

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Friday the 13th (1980)

🎃🎃🔶🔶🔶 (2/5 Pumpkins)

It’s one of those that was probably super scary at the time it came out. I was between 2-3 Pumpkins for the rating. 1) I knew who the killer was. Hard to avoid spoilers when the movie came out in the 80s 2) I could figure out who survived 3) I like the acting by “Alice” but “Marcy” and “Annie” (omfg).... don’t get me started on Annie.

I am however excited to see the next one. Gimmie some Jason.

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Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 (4/5 Pumpkins)

Liked it much better than the first. Acting was better. I like how this (like Halloween II) basically showed the ending of the first movie as a reminder (though I didn’t like that it was shown as a nightmare Alice had) And I had a few issues. 1) MUFFIN 2) WHERE’S PAUL? (What was real? What was a dream?)

I also have played the Friday The 13th The Game and it was cool to see one of the maps and basically one of the challenges kill for kill. I didn’t know the challenges were based off the movies, I knew the maps were.

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Friday the 13th - Part III (1982)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 (4/5 Pumpkins)

I liked this one but was left with questions that I don’t know if I missed the answer or what.

Idk how I feel about them changing Jason’s face. Part 2 his face was half deformed (and he had hair!) And now suddenly it’s his whole face and he’s bald. (which, don’t get me wrong, I don’t care what he looks like. I’m just confused as to why they changed it.)

Again cool to see a place the game has as a map (I knew what rooms were what lol) and again how certain people died. And now that kill in the barn (in game not movie) makes sense to be called a revenge kill.

Can’t wait to watch the next one.

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Friday the 13th The Final Chapter (1984)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 (4/5 Pumpkins)

First off…. Yay tiny Cory Feldman. Second … WHAT THE WHAT?! So I liked this one and only had a few problems with it. Namely.. I thought Jason only killed people who we teens/“being bad”/on his land. The family of three had to have been there during the 3rd movie, it was only like a day after the end of that one. I think he shouldn’t have killed the only blonde mom (maybe he doesn’t trust anyone who looks like his mom anymore). And the kid did nothing

WHICH BRINGS ME TO TOMMY. (Who I didn’t know was a kid in the movies…) Why and how did him making himself look like a young Jason work? A simple “he moved” would have assured his sister he wasn’t going insane. And also, what did Jason possess him at the end?? (Or was it just to show he’d grow up to like hacking people?)

And my last problem was… Why did the “peace” girl have to die?! She wasn’t doing anything!

Also … Trish… Why didn’t you just jump over that body…you did going back. Anyway I liked it. (XD)

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The beginning (2006)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 (4/5 Pumpkins)

Well right off the bat I want to hug Thomas and never let go. (I also want to maim everyone who insults him and calls him the R word. I really HATE that word). Honestly didn’t know about the whole cannibal aspect to the movie(s) I just knew about the face wearing. “Hoyt” gave me the fucking creeps but I did like how he defended Thomas in the beginning. I still have to watch the movie that came before this and the originals (Where his name isn’t Thomas apparently. I like it as Thomas) but Thomas has been added to the list of Slashers I like.

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

🎃🎃🎃🔶🔶 (3/5 Pumpkins)

This one was meant to be a dark comedy, which I can see how but yikes...

I watched this one before the first one just because I heard that he ends up liking a girl in it and I love Bubba so I wanted to see that. Now I know where the “Wiggles” gif comes from. I find him so adorable even though he makes the girl wear a face… I like him a bit better than the one in the first movie only cause we see more of him not just chasing someone. I’m a sucker for anything even slightly romantic.

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

🎃🎃 🔶 🔶 🔶(2/5 Pumpkins)

I honestly started it and stopped it so much just cause I was bored... I kinda knew what happened so maybe that had something to do with it but for most of the movies I knew what was gonna happen, this one just kept loosing me anyways.

One of those movies that makes you wanna scream at the victims for how stupid they were. Who goes up to a house and after not getting a response the first five or so times GOES INTO THE HOUSE. That’s trespassing and STUPID.

I really both loved and hated the way Sally screamed the ENTIRE time she ran. It really made her sound actually terrified but also...if he lost sight of her it wouldn’t matter cause he could just follow the screams.

I prefer Thomas’ family better cause they’re not as mean to him...

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Scream (1996)

🎃🎃🎃🎃🔶 (4/5 Pumpkins)

I had seen Scary Movie, which is a spoof/parody of this movie, so even if I didn’t already know who Billy was I would’ve known who the killer(s) was. Probably actually scary for its time but also I don’t personally get too scared by horror movies like this. Billy is very yummy though��

Took me forever to realize where I knew Stu from… The live action Scooby-Do movies… XD

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Jason Lives Friday 13th Part VI (1986)

🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃 (5/5 Pumpkins)

Okay.. just reading the lil blurb on Show Box… TOMMY DID WHAT NOW? How do you accidentally… I’m just gonna watch the movie…

Was it supposed to be as funny as it was? XD The whole thing could’ve been avoided if Tommy just didn’t stab his body during a storm. (Also... Tommy is very yummy, omg)

I would honestly watch it again just because it’s so funny and I don’t mind looking at Tommy.

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The Babadook

🎃🎃🎃🎃 🎃 (5/5 Pumpkins) 

I loved this. Technically a “drama/thriller” but damn some scenes got me. I loved the meaning behind it all and would definitely watch it again.

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Working on watching more movies. Below is what I still need to watch.

Friday the 13th A New Beginning (1985)

(which apparently isn’t even Jason so I’m probably going to skip it)

Friday the 13th Part VII The New Blood (1988)

Friday The 13th Part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

(What is he, a giant monster like Godzilla now?)

Jason Goes to Hell The Final Friday (1993)

Jason X (2001)

Halloween (2007)

Halloween II (2009)

Scream 2 (1997)

Scream 3 (2000)

Scream 4 (2011)

House at the End of the Street (2012)

Probably a ton more I need to see but that’s all I can think of for now. Got a movie suggestion? Lemme know.

[elsewherechild]

No, The Growth of Progressive Christian Politicians is Not a Good Thing for America [A Response to the New York Times Opinion Piece by Nicholas Kristof]

In an opinion piece for The New York Times titled, “Progressive Christians Arise! Hallelujah!” Nicholas Kristof made the case this week that “with a churchgoing Democrat in the White House, faith becomes more complicated in America”…and that that’s a good thing.

The piece is filled with so many logical problems (and equivocation in particular) that I have to respond. Why? Mainstream media loves articles like this because they paint theologically conservative Christians in a negative (or at least inferior) light—all to the praise of thousands who buy into the lack of nuance and critical thinking exhibited in articles like this one. It’s important that Christians are able to see through this confusion, so I’m going to respond to several quotes from the article point-by-point (quotes from the original are in bold italics).

“With a churchgoing Democrat in the White House, faith becomes more complicated in America. Thank God.”

Consider the two major assumptions in this one statement: Being a churchgoer is an important characteristic in a political leader, and a more “complicated” religious makeup in America is a good thing.

Just from a logical perspective, it means absolutely nothing that a person goes to church, whether they’re a Democrat or a Republican. There are plenty of atheists sitting in pews every Sunday. If Kristof’s point is that regular church attendance is significant in some way for a person’s views about morality, social concerns, and so on, that simply doesn’t follow. Atheists who don’t attend church can be just as moral as Christians sitting in church. I couldn’t care less if Biden attends church. The question is, what does he actually believe, and how will that inform his political decision making?

Furthermore, what’s good for America is when people believe what is true—what actually corresponds to reality. If that’s Hinduism, then the best direction of the country is for more people to take on that worldview (the same with any other religion). Complexity alone is not inherently valuable. What’s valuable depends on what’s true.

But let’s give Kristof a chance to work out what exactly he means by this in the following quotes, and then we can say more.

“Young and middle-aged Americans could be forgiven for thinking that Jesus was a social conservative who denounced gay people and harangued the poor to lift themselves up by the bootstraps, until he was crucified for demanding corporate tax cuts.”

This is obviously a ridiculous characterization of Christianity and Jesus in particular. If people have this idea of Jesus, they either haven’t read the Bible, or they’ve read too many articles like those of Kristof that repeatedly mischaracterize what those who hold to the historic Christian faith actually believe.

But more importantly, here is where Kristof begins to blur the lines and equivocate between progressive theology and progressive politics. Notice how he moves from a strictly moral issue (homosexuality) to primarily economic ones (policy decisions on how to help the poor or tax businesses). This is a common move of politically progressive Christians. While they popularly accuse politically conservative Christians of mixing politics and religion, they frequently do the same, bundling progressive politics with what Jesus “really” would want.

Kristof plays his hand through this slick mixing: It’s not that he thinks the growth of progressive Christians in politics is good for America because he’s committed to the truth of progressive Christian theology, but because he’s committed to progressive politics. This isn’t about his Christian faith at all. It’s a political piece wrapped in a Christian veneer.

Of course, he doesn’t take the time to distinguish the difference between progressive theology and politics, but that difference is critical for understanding his writing, so let’s do the explanation for him.

Progressive Christianity is hard to define (and people would define it in a lot of different ways), but in general, it’s the belief that our understanding of God is evolving as society progresses, and the Bible simply reflects man’s understanding of God in the time it was written. In other words, the Bible is a helpful tool—maybe even a beautiful one—but it’s not God’s final say for all time.

In my most recent podcast episode (Critical Thinking in a Secular Culture), I explain that the number one idea that separates a biblical worldview from a secular one is the source of a person’s authority. For Christians who hold the Bible to be the inspired Word of God that describes reality and prescribes human action in response, the Bible will be authoritative because of its very nature. Progressive Christians, however, don’t share this view of the Bible. If the Bible is just one step on the way to our understanding of God, then humans are the source of authority for ourselves.

This idea of authority is no different than a completely secular view.

Whether you’re a progressive Christian who believes in God, or an atheist who does not, your authority is yourself, rather than any supposed revelation.

This understanding of the basis (or lack thereof) for progressive Christian theology is critical for responding to the rest of the article. Now let’s go on.

“That perception might arise because since the 1980s, the most visible Christians have been conservative evangelicals who often emphasize issues that Jesus never explicitly mentioned, such as abortion and homosexuality. But now more progressive Christians are moving onto center stage.”

The Gospels don’t record Jesus saying anything about child abuse, infanticide, racism, or domestic violence, either, but few would argue these things are unimportant or morally acceptable. Even aside from one’s view of the Bible, this is an illogical argument. Jesus couldn’t have commented on everything.

In this statement, Kristof betrays his progressive theological assumptions about the Bible—he believes the only words that matter are those of Jesus himself. He subtly passes this off as if we should all understand issues like abortion and homosexuality must not be very important to Jesus. Ironically, however, Jesus’s own words show that he considered the rest of the Bible to be authoritative. He repeatedly said, for example, he did not come to abolish the Law and the Prophets but to fulfill them (Matt. 5:17-18; see also Matt. 22:29; Luke 16:31; 24:27; John 5:47).  

Notice the slight of hand: Kristof takes the truth of his progressive theology here as a given, suggesting that we need more Christians who believe the same to move to center stage in politics. By specifically speaking to the hot topics of abortion and sexuality, it’s again clear he’s most interested in the support for progressive politics, which Christians with progressive theology are more likely to support.

Again, he is lumping politics and theology together without acknowledging as much.

“Enter Joe Biden, one of the most religious presidents of the last century, along with Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush. Biden attends Mass regularly and inhabits faith as Donald Trump merely brandished it (as if speaking to two Corinthians).

Likewise, Vice President Kamala Harris is a Baptist who says she has regularly attended church. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a Catholic who says her faith inspires her to address health care and climate change. Elizabeth Warren taught Sunday school. Raphael Warnock, a new senator, is an ordained Baptist pastor.

Other Democrats, including Cory Booker and Pete Buttigieg, speak the language of faith fluently as well, so a critical mass has formed of progressive Christians inspired by religion not to cut taxes for the rich but rather to slash poverty for children.”

Similarly to what I said earlier, how one labels oneself religiously or whether one goes to church is neither here nor there. Just because all these politicians claim a religious label doesn’t necessarily mean they believe anything that aligns with what those labels have traditionally meant. That said, once again, Kristof doesn’t seem to care much about theological beliefs. He lists these people as progressives because they align with his politics, and cleverly implies that we should all want to move in this direction because of the moral heroics these politicians have displayed.

Of course, whether the things they champion are moral is a completely different question. He takes it for granted that you will agree on that definition with him. But a person’s view of morality depends, once again, on their source of authority. There’s no level-headed discussion here of how people might disagree over what’s considered moral depending on their view of the Bible or any other supposed revelation of God. It’s just assumed that we can all see these things are of the highest moral value, and given that they are, we should be happy to see more progressives take leadership in government.

“At the same time, conservative Christians have taken self-inflicted hits, not least the way some invoked religion while invading the U.S. Capitol. (After seizing the Senate floor, insurrectionists prayed, ‘Thank you for filling this chamber with patriots that love you and love Christ.’) And while human motivations are complicated, the suspect in the massage parlor murders in Georgia is a Southern Baptist whom a former roommate described as having a ‘religious mania.’”

My head is just exploding at this point. Progressive politicians are portrayed as heroes of morality in his prior points, but he portrays conservative Christians as those who storm the Capitol and conduct mass shootings (with no conversation about whether those actions are actually consistent with what the Bible calls us to do)? I trust readers will understand why this is absurd, and am moving on to my next points.

“The Rev. William Barber, a leader of the Poor People’s Campaign, told me, ‘Some folks hijacked Christianity and decided that they were going to put up a lot of money to promote the idea that to be a person of faith was to be anti-choice, anti-gay, pro-gun, pro-tax cut.’ Barber calls that ‘theological malpractice.’

Jerushah Duford, a granddaughter of the Rev. Billy Graham, agrees: ‘We have seen homophobia, hostility toward women’s rights, xenophobia and lack of concern for the poor.’ She compares the damage right-wing Christian extremists have done to Christianity to the harm Muslim extremists have brought to Islam.’

These are just a couple of several similar quotes from the article. To summarize: “Here are some big name Christians who are unhappy with politically conservative views and there’s a lot of turmoil like this going on for conservative Christians. There’s chaos in the ranks! They’re starting to see the light!”

It’s easy to cherry pick examples of anything. Logically speaking, who cares if you can find examples of people who identify themselves as Christians saying these things? If they’re theologically progressive, they don’t look to the Bible as their source of authority, so they’re not necessarily going to believe any differently than nonreligious people on moral issues. There’s literally nothing of shock value (or quote value) here if you actually tease out these important distinctions.

“The progressive wing of Christianity is not, of course, new. It began with Jesus. ‘Woe to you that are rich,’ Jesus says (Luke 6:24). He advises a rich ruler to ‘sell everything you have and give to the poor,’ and then suggests ‘it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God’ (Luke 18:22-25).”

OK, I know my head already exploded once, but it really exploded with this one.

Progressive Christianity started with Jesus.

Theologically speaking, that’s just absurd. As I already explained, Jesus repeatedly validated the authority of the rest of Scripture—he certainly didn’t have a progressive view of the Bible in the sense that God’s Word was somehow bound in time. But Kristof (again) is speaking through a theological veil (using Bible verses) to make a political point: Progressives are the ones who care for the poor.

As someone who is both theologically and politically conservative, I couldn’t be more tired of this lazy characterization. Nearly everyone—Christian or not—cares about the poor and wants peoples’ lives to be better. Conservatives and progressives have different ideas about how to best accomplish that, but we value the same thing.

“If the public face of faith becomes less dominated by right-wing figures, it may become easier for the country to heal its fissures. . . .When the religious/secular divide doesn’t neatly overlay the political divide, it may become a bit more difficult for either side to demonize the other.

‘‘Right’ and ‘left’ aren’t so helpful here,’ said Father Greg Boyle, who runs highly regarded Catholic programs for gang members in Los Angeles. ‘The more reverent we become, we see things not as black and white, left or right — but complex.’

Hallelujah for complexity! It might lower America’s political temperature, I pray.”

There’s no question that the demonization we see today in politics is horrible, and I would love to see that fissure heal. But the irony in these concluding words is stunning. While I wouldn’t characterize Kristof’s piece as demonizing in the sense that it was blatantly insulting, it was demonizing in the sense of implicitly claiming that theologically and politically conservative Christians have morally inferior views they bring to the public square. After all, his whole article is thanking God that there are more people claiming the name of Christ in public office who agree with his political stances! The running assumption, of course, is that those politically progressive views are what are good for America. Then he goes on to claim, through a quote, that we shouldn’t see things as so left and right, but rather as complex. He says this after writing a piece without the slightest hint of acknowledging the complexity that lies in differences of theology, worldview, authority, politics, and policy.

It’s not complexity that he values, and I’m sure he knows that.

It’s change in a single direction, with the growth of theologically progressive Christians embracing politically progressive values. I have no doubt he wouldn’t shout, “Hallelujah!” if the movement went the other direction. But championing “complexity” sounds much more tolerant to progressive ears.

The growth of people claiming the name of Christ in politics is not necessarily a good thing. It depends on what they actually believe and how that will inform their political decisions. If the Bible is God’s Word for all time, as theologically conservative Christians believe, then the growth of politicians claiming Christ but rejecting the authoritative nature of the Bible is actually a bad thing. It leads to confusion in the public eye of what Christianity historically has been, and the decisions these politicians make will often be more aligned with a secular moral consensus developed from self-authority than with a moral standard developed from the Bible.

The sort of oversimplified, assumption-ridden narrative that we find in Kristof’s piece is precisely why people can’t have reasonable conversations today. If we want to heal fissures, as Kristoff says he does, it starts with far more nuanced conversations that acknowledge the complexity of people's worldviews.

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from Natasha Crain https://ift.tt/3vTwsbF

[theoddcatlady]

Old Erwin

I spoke to Erwin twice in my entire life, but I saw him almost every day while going to school. I’d pass on the other side of the street and naturally turn my head to the right to see him. An old man with patchy graying hair under a worn brown hat and squinty eyes.

That was Old Erwin.

He’d always been around as far as I knew. As a little kid he frightened me, I’d cling to my mom and ask her to hurry up. I didn’t want to be near the ‘creepy hobo’. Over time, I got used to his presence on the street corner. He was like a statue, a part of the structure.

Erwin never caused any trouble. He was quiet and although he usually had this empty rusty can next to where he tended to sit, he never asked passerbys for cash. And whatever money he did have went to taking care of the friends he had. The furry or feathery ones.

One thing that always cycled about his little home on the street was the companion he had next to him. Sometimes it was a dog with raggy ears, or three cats with feral eyes and twitching tails. Even pigeons would land next to his feet and let Erwin stroke their wings.

My dad liked Erwin. He’s the local vet, and would come home talking about Erwin bringing in a pregnant cat and spreading an assortment of quarters and pennies for her care, and of course for her to be fixed after she gave birth. Dad had a soft spot for the old man, and would rarely take cash.

“I’ll take the man who has no money but all the love for animals over the bitch who tries to pay me to put down a perfectly good dog because it barks too much.”

My dad got into this job because he loved animals and very quickly realized he hated humans. I think that’s why he cared about Erwin. I think he offered Erwin our guest room a few times, but Erwin always politely declined. Didn’t want to be a burden.

The first time I spoke to Erwin was before my very first date. It was with a boy in his sophomore year, and I was checking my hair out in a store window. My heart was pounding, hands all sweaty. I wanted to just run back home and hide, but Cory was so cute. And super nice. And I liked his dog. Which is absolutely not a shallow reason to go on a date with someone.

I barely noticed Erwin shuffling up behind me until I saw his silhouette in the reflection. I spun around in shock.

Erwin grinned, smile with a few holes. “You going out with someone, missie?” He whistled his s’s and his breath had a faint scent of cheap toothpaste.

I swallowed and remembered to be polite. “Yeah. A boy.”

“A boy?” Erwin repeated. I nodded.

Erwin smiled pleasantly. “Check how he treats the waitress, missie. Shows a lot how a person is, if you can see how they treat the staff,” He advised before he shuffled back to his spot on the sidewalk. He sat down and started petting this raggedy gray cat, who purred like a motor truck and leaned against Erwin.

His advice echoed in my ears when Cory complained that the waitress was being a lazy slut who kept flirting with him and then didn’t leave a tip. There was absolutely not a second date.

Good advice from an old man.

The second and last time I talked to Erwin was when he died.

I’d made cookies last night and at the last minute I put some in a Tupperware and tucked them in my bag for Erwin.

It was still dark, the frosty grass crunching under my feet as I hurried across my yard. My breath came out as cold puffs, and I made my way to the corner where I’d always find Old Erwin.

I knew something was very wrong when I turned onto his street. Erwin wasn’t sitting up, propped against the bricks with that whistle-y snore of his. Instead he was crumpled into a little ball, quietly groaning as the dog next to him whined and nudged at his face. My bag dropped to the ground as I ran to Erwin’s side, turning him to his back.

His face was swollen and purple and blood was speckled across his lips. His glazed over eyes blinked a few times before he slowly smiled.

“M… Missie, whatchu doin here?” He asked.

I couldn’t breathe. I could barely think. I saw his chest staggering, the blood pooling and sticky on his shirt and jacket. All I could blurt out was, “I brought you cookies! Do you like chocolate chip?”

Erwin chuckled.

“I love em, missie. I love chocolate chip cookies. Thank you so much.”

He passed away before he made it to the hospital. He never got to try the cookies.

During the night while he slept, he’d been attacked. The assailants were unknown, the nearest security camera had been broken for years. No one bothered to repair it. Nothing like this happened here in such a small town. And no one really had it out for Erwin, some people complained about the bum that always took up a part of the sidewalk but no one bothered to do anything about it.

I was one of three people at his funeral. One of them was my dad. The other was Erwin’s wife.

I had no idea Erwin was married. But she came to the burial site and told us that’s who she was. Her name was Perla. Perla had synthetic pink pearl earrings, smelled like incense, and wore lipstick too bright for her skin shade, but her eyes were red and it was clear she hadn’t slept in days.

The minister said a few words, and Perla rested a pink tulip on his coffin. She didn’t cry, although I swore I saw a tear take a course down her wrinkled cheek as Erwin was lowered into the ground.

She didn’t attempt to talk to me or my dad after the service was over. She walked away and stepped into a black car.

I got curious. I wanted to know who this ‘Perla’ was. So I did some digging.

Perla lived a few hours away and she was a psychic. She did readings over chatroom, so I decided to pay for about ten minutes. I wanted to talk to her… maybe to reach Erwin. So I could say a more proper goodbye.

The chat started off with this.

Perla: You’re the girl at the funeral? Very curious.

I hadn’t said anything about who I was. It sent chills down my spine.

You: Yes. It’s me.

Perla: Curious little girl. Very curious.

Perla: My husband wants you to know that everything will resolve itself. Justice will meet his murderers three.

My heart leaped into my throat.

You: Murderers? Can he tell me who they are? If I tell the police, maybe I can help!

Perla: Do not get involved. It will not be necessary. Erwin has many friends. So many. Hundreds. Thousands. And they will claim justice for him.

Perla: Our conversation is done. There is your questions answered. I’ll refund you for your remaining time.

And sure enough, she did. She didn’t have to, but she did. I was honestly a little confused. Thousands of friends? What the hell did that mean? Sure, no one flat out hated Erwin. But he wasn’t Mr. Popular. I bet most people didn’t even know his name. He was just the hobo who lived next to the pet store.

But the next morning another death caught the attention of the town.

This one wasn’t a murder, at least not technically. Most of the time murder has to be caused by humans. This one was… caused by cats.

No. No I’m not fucking with you. Seriously. The guy’s parents walked into his room and the room was full of cats eating their son. It was nasty. He was slumped back on his chair, his throat shredded, at least according to the rumors. Same rumors said the guy’s balls and eyes were also gone. Poor bastard. I think his name was Kevin. I really don’t know, we didn’t have any classes together.

Of course no one believed at first that cats would legitly murder someone, but autopsy report confirmed it. Cats killed Kevin.

People were still scratching their heads when the next death happened.

It was out of nowhere. Alvin, another kid from my school, was walking his dog when the dog suddenly turned on him. His dog, being a beagle, really didn’t cause much damage, just caused him to fall to the ground. But that was enough for the other dogs to rush in and finish the job.

My dad checked the dogs out afterwards. He told me these dogs showed absolutely no signs of aggression, no sign of suddenly turning on him- they were just normal dogs with pieces of human flesh between their teeth and blood coating their muzzles.

One death is suspicious. Two is headscratching.

Three is undeniable.

Cory was the final victim of the animals. But first he came to me for help.

I was chilling in my room, petting my cat Mittens when she suddenly wigged out. Hissing and spitting before darting for the window, claws out and yowling.

I thought Mittens had lost her goddamn mind when Cory popped up at my window.

“Abby! Lemme in! Pleasepleaseplease! They’re going to kill me!”

After throwing Mittens into the hall I opened up the window. “What the heck are you talking about?” I hissed, not sure if I was thankful or not that my dad wasn’t home.

“The animals! They’re going to kill me… for… for what I did to the old man on the street.”

I felt like I’d been hit in the chest. Cory looked desperate, afraid. No, he was just a little older than me, he couldn’t have… “What did you do to Erwin?” I asked.

Cory ran his hand through his hair. “… Just wanted to scare him a bit… Alvin started it, he was making his dad’s store look like trash, always parking his junk around there! We didn’t mean to, oh god, we didn’t mean to kill him, Abby…”

The words Erwin said to me flashed through my mind. About how a person treats the wait staff says what kind of person he was. And the last words he said to me as he laid on the street, choking on his own blood.

I felt my eyes well up with tears as the coldest rage built up in my chest.

“Erwin was kind to everyone and every creature he met. He has hundreds of friends because of that… I might even say he has thousands of them. And I’m one of those friends.”

I slammed the window down on Cory’s fingers. He squealed before he began to beg, plead for me to let him inside. I pulled down the blinds and let Mittens back in my room, who ran back to the window and jumped at it in a fury. I’ve never seen this cat move faster than a slow walk, wouldn’t even attack mice feeding from her food bowl.  

I’m not sure what was out there that night, with such a deep growl and its pounce shaking the very foundation of the house.

I do know that Cory’s body was never found.

I went to Erwin’s grave two days later with more cookies. I sat there with him, his headstone plain but beautiful. I saw prints of a deer in the mud beside it, and a bird was making a nest next to it.

I don’t know how long I sat there, but I wasn’t alone for long.

“… Chocolate chip?”

Perla sat beside me, still wearing that garish lipstick but her lips turned into a smile now.

“That was always Erwin’s favorite, you know.”

I held one out. “Is it your favorite too?” I asked.

Perla softly chuckled and took it. “… As a matter of fact, it is.”

[thisdaynews]

Why 2020 Democrats Pretend to Be Radical

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/why-2020-democrats-pretend-to-be-radical/

Why 2020 Democrats Pretend to Be Radical

Here’s one way to follow the action on the Democratic presidential debate stage in Miami over the next two days: Listen to what the candidates say, then squint through the haze to read their unspoken thought bubbles. There’s always tension between what politicians say and what they really believe. But in 2020, that familiar gap has taken on a new twist: Many of these candidates are trying to sound more extreme than they really are.

A quarter-century ago, when I first started covering national politics in Bill Clinton’s Washington, it was common for ambitious Democrats to project themselves as more moderate, more cautious, more incremental—less liberal—than they really were inside.

Story Continued Below

Listening closely to Al Gore, for instance, it was clear he was a more restless ideologue—more radical by intellect and temperament on the subjects he cared most about—than ever would have been wise for an ambitious politician from a conservative Southern state to advertise.

The enormous, diverse 2020 Democratic field is historic for a lot of reasons, but one big change has gone less remarked. There’s abundant evidence that most of these candidates are projecting themselves as more disruptive, more ambitious, more contemptuous of conventional politics,moreliberal, than their previous careers actually suggest.

Judging by the campaign so far, the Democratic debates will be generously salted with bold slogans and ideas: “Medicare for All,” a “Green New Deal,” abolishing the Electoral College or reparations for descendants of slaves. In all but a few cases, these will come from people who have defined their public lives by the more prosaic work of coalition-building and consensus, as congenial senators and tough-minded prosecutors and pro-business mayors—ladder-climbing careerists who got where they are through a shrewd sense of what the political market will bear.

The shift in sensibility, from hiding to exaggerating those radical bona fides, shines a light on a more profound change: This cadre of Democrats believes the ideological tides, within the party and the country more broadly, have shifted leftward. And in this environment, with candidates desperate for attention and activist support, it is no longer safe to play it safe.

If this calculation is right, it means the end of several decades in which Democrats won nationally by playing gooddefense—by reassuring skeptics that there was a difference between being progressive and being left-wing, by running partly by making arguments of who they were (sensible, tough-minded, pro-growth, fiscally responsible) that were really arguments about who they were not (George McGovern, Walter Mondale, Jesse Jackson).

The Democratic electorate plainly is clamoring for goodoffense—no more softening the edges, to hell with patter about civility and common ground—and the competition over two consecutive nights at NBC’s debate state in Miami will be over who can give it to them.

***

Senator Elizabeth Warren was earlyto enter this derby in March when she told a CNN town hall that she wanted to amend the Constitution to get rid of the Electoral College. Good idea, 12 of her rivals have since said, while five more have said it is something to think about (“open to the discussion,” said Senator Kamala Harris).

Pete Buttigieg, the moderate and highly credentialed mayor of a small Midwestern city, has said he wants to expand the Supreme Court to 15 seats, blowing up a norm that has prevailed since 1869. A bunch of his rivals, like Senator Michael Bennet, have said that goes too far, and some, like former vice president and current front-runner Joe Biden, have left their position unclear. But many others found it advantageous to at leastseemlike they were on board. “I’m taking nothing off the table,” said Senator Cory Booker, a let’s-take-a-look stance that was echoed by fellow Senators Kirsten Gillibrand, Harris and Warren.

It’s fair to presume that the South Bend mayor genuinely does believe—in theory, and all things being equal, in a way that they rarely are in real life—that expanding the High Court by six members to reduce undue conservative influence is a good idea. Those who believe he would really intend to make this the hallmark of a President Pete administration might answer: What episodes in the career of this person who has prospered at every turn within establishment institutions (Harvard, Oxford, McKinsey consulting, the U.S. Navy, and so on) suggest an eagerness or proficiency at championing this kind of battle for truly disruptive change at an institution like the Supreme Court?

It’s also possible that he is practicing the offensive-politics equivalent of when Clinton, playing defensive politics in 1996, endorsed a balanced-budget amendment to the Constitution, before never mentioning it again after his reelection.

The one candidate on the debate stage—Thursday night, thanks to a random lottery—who can reasonably be presumed to mean what he says even when uttering radical words is Senator Bernie Sanders. He is, after all, a socialist running in the Democratic Party, and he has spent decades waiting for a return to the politics of the 1960s or even the 1930s.

This week, in particular, showed how Sanders is driving the debate and altering the incentives for other candidates. Warren released her plan that called for free college tuition and widespread student debt forgiveness to the tune of $640 billion. An ambitious plan, for sure—until Sanders came out Monday with free tuition and $1.6 trillion to cancel not some but all student debt.

But even Sanders can get caught in the derby of having to project more left in public than he feels when left to his true thoughts in private. In 2016, Sanders said he opposed slavery reparations: “First of all, its likelihood of getting through Congress is nil. Second of all, I think it would be very divisive.” This year, he supports Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee’s bill for a commission to study reparations. Its companion bill in the Senate was introduced by one of the candidates, Cory Booker, and co-sponsored by six others.

***

If you’re looking for evidenceof the individual tug of war between candidates’ bold personas and more temperate souls, look no further than the equivocation on the question of Medicare for All and the Green New Deal. Thirteen candidates say they support a version of Medicare for All, one of the most popular new policy slogans on the left. But most stop short of Sanders’ definition of the idea, which would eliminate the current health insurance system in favor of a mandatory government-run system. Harris at CNN town hall in January implied that she would eliminate private insurance; four months later she clarified that’s not what she meant.

Senator Amy Klobuchar is a co-sponsor of the Green New Deal championed by Senator Edward Markey and Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and she’s one of 18 presidential candidates to give rhetorical support to the proposal, with its aggressive timelines for carbon reduction and a federal jobs guarantee. But, as she told The Hill, “I see it as aspirational” and when “it got down to the nitty-gritty of actual legislation … that would be different for me.”

Perhaps no one is laboring over how to handle the swing of the ideological pendulum revealed by this year’s race than the person at the top of every poll so far, Biden. He first won election to the U.S. Senate in 1972, a few weeks before he actually reached the minimum age requirement of 30, and when the liberal tide unleashed in the 1960s was strong enough that even a Republican president like Richard Nixon was swept along to support liberal ideas like the establishment of the Environmental Protection Agency.

For most of his career, however, the Delaware senator was governing in an environment in which Democrats generally and Biden particularly had to play defense on certain polarizing issues. It was with a reason that Biden opposed court-imposed busing to desegregate schools—he saw first-hand how much resentment it was causing among working-class white families toward Democrats. In 1994, his leadership in passing a tough crime bill was a triumph for both Biden and Clinton—it advertised a Democratic Party that would not accept the bleeding-heart label Republicans had tattooed on so many liberals.

He presumably did not foresee that decades later he would be playing defensive politics again—this time from activists in his own party, many of whom were not yet born when he came to the Senate, demanding repentance for what now looks likeideological heresy.

In truth, however, Biden’s predicament—like that of all politicians trying to navigate the ideological currents while balancing ambition and prudence—was entirely foreseeable.

The Cycles of American Historywas a signature work of the historian Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr., who argued that recurrent and broadly predictable swings of the ideological pendulum are the essence of American politics. Seasons of liberal activism and heightened concern over the public interest are inevitably followed by seasons of conservative retrenchment and elevation of private interests.

Schlesinger, one of the dominant liberal intellectuals of the mid-20th Century, in the late 1940s wrote a book calledThe Vital Center, but late in life (he died at age 89 in 2007) he often lamented that cautious progressives were confusing the vital center with the dead center—espousing a middle-of-the-road incrementalism that didn’t offend, but also didn’t inspire.

He wouldlikely note the irony that it was a radical president in Donald Trump who served as catalyst for another liberal swing of the pendulum. And he’d approve of the willingness of the current cadre of Democrats on stage to go on offense and take ideological risks.

This is the path, Schlesinger argued, walked by consequential presidents from Lincoln to the Roosevelts and—though he disapproved of the agenda—on to Ronald Reagan.

“Great presidents are unifiers mostly in retrospect,” Schlesinger told me in 1997, as Bill Clinton was preparing for a second term by promising to bridge partisan divides and unify the country. “The greatest presidents have started by dividing the country on important questions, as a way of uniting the country at a new level of understanding.”

Ruairí Arrieta-Kenna contributed to this report.

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[movieswithkevin27]

Fences

Denzel Washington's Fences is undoubtedly a flawed work. With its screenplay written by the play's writer August Wilson, Fences is a film that is entirely connected to the stage. With dialogue heavy scene after dialogue heavy scene for two hours, Fences can be an exasperating film to watch with how much of it is relying upon nothing but words. For two plus hours, this is undeniably a major challenge and one that can prove too much at times. However, it is in those words that the beauty of Fences reveals itself. Brilliantly written with aching roots in reality, Fences is certainly a tremendously acted film, but the star here is August Wilson's writing. It is vibrant. It is raw. It is emotional. It is, above all else, real. The film's writing is what gives it fire in the first place and the what brings it triumphantly over the finish line. No matter where the film may slack, creak, or trip, the script is always there to pick it up and point it in the right direction.

While Wilson's eloquent use of language to have the characters express their emotion without having to come out and have the characters say exactly what they feel serving as terrific footing for the film, it is his ability to develop those characters that will stand the test of time. As a challenge for this, Wilson sets the film in 1950s Pittsburgh in the inner city and in the home of a garbage collector named Troy (Denzel Washington). With a wife named Rose (Viola Davis) and a son with her named Cory (Jovan Adepo), a son with another woman named Lyons (Russell Hornsby), a brother dealing with mental illness named Gabe (Mykelti Williamson), and a friend named Bono (Stephen Henderson), Troy's life is one of fear. At every turn, this big behemoth of a man is afraid. Projecting confidence and aggression to mask this fear, Troy compartmentalizes his fear into baseball references and elaborate stories of how he fights off death. Yet, underneath the surface, he is a man who knows he has already struck out and is nearing death. As he pushes away his son Cory and derails his dream of playing football, Troy also antagonizes Lyons, signs away Gabe to the state, and cheats on Rose. He is a man who is failing and struggling to stay afloat and to keep a roof over his family's heads, all while bearing the weight of that burden. He is a man who is so afraid that he will fail and be rejected by his family that he winds up crushing himself under the weight of it all and pushes away some of his family in the process.

Of all the people in the world, Rose is the one who sees this. As Cory leaves and even Bono leaves, Rose stands by her philandering husband and even raises the daughter he has with another woman. Why? Because she sees him for what he truly is on the inside. No matter how abrasive he is and how aggressive of a person he can be, Troy is just scared and latching onto anything he can in order to not fall or to forget that he is falling. The thought of death, though he approaches it with great machismo, is something that scares him. He refuses to admit he did not go pro in baseball because of his age, instead blaming it on the whites. Why? Because that would require admitting he is old. When Cory challenges him, he only fights back when Cory calls him old. He is a man afraid of growing old and dying. Rose, for the the pain he has caused her, refuses to give upon this man. Instead, she opts to stand by him and hold his hand as he slowly and loudly slips out of this world. Though it would be easier to leave him to rot in the bed that he had made for himself, she loves that man that has become consumed by fear and refuses to let herself become consumed by that very same fear. Instead, she fights back and declares war on it in order to provide her husband with the strength he needs to fight back as well.

One of the greatest challenges undertaken by Fences is to make Troy likable. For the part of Rose, Viola Davis' brilliant and raw performance combines with Wilson's eloquent writing to make her the one we root for. When Cory takes on his father to defend his mother, we want him to kick his ass. Every time Troy lets down Rose, we want her to leave him and for Rose to kick his butt. Yet, she never does. This could make Rose seem to be quite the confounding character if Troy remains this detestable person that we cannot root for. On the surface, he is an angry, self-hating, narcissistic, and cruel man. He treats his sons like garbage and his wife even worse. His words are hollow and leave you longing for a better man to step into his place. So, how does Wilson make Troy a man you can root for, even with Denzel going full "You know what I'm talkin' 'bout nigga"? Partially, it is because of Rose, but the rest is because of how he writes Troy. In his boasting and reminiscing, you can hear that tinge of emotion. Denzel does an excellent job bringing it to life, but the writing gives it the beating heart to open those lungs. As mentioned, he is a man who fears death and the act of growing old. In these moments where he speaks on his youth or even how things once were, you can feel that nostalgia and solemn resignation that he is over that hill. This goes beyond a mid-life crisis and is one that is a tougher nut to crack. One must have considerable empathy to be able to sympathize with this man in real life, but in the film, Wilson's writing shows his existential fear about whether or not he was a good man in brilliant fashion. He worries that he has been bad for Rose. He worries that Cory will be like him. He worries, worries, and worries. With his hands set to come off the wheel, he is scared stiff that things have been worsened by his presence in the world. Now, whether or not you like the man, his fear is one that makes him relatable. While his actions make him easy to hate, his commitment to not failing (which is a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy) and fear of doing so paralyzes him and drives him into a spiral of self-destruction, leaving him with nothing but saying "I provide for this family" as his sole fatherly and husbandly achievement. Troy Maxson is a tragic figure who, everyday, loses the battle with his own fear and it is hard to watch.

This eloquent writing is, of course, brought to life by both Denzel Washington and Viola Davis in career-best performances for both. Yet, the film's supporting cast is just as good. As their son Cory, Jovan Adepo captures the anger and confusion of being a son in this household. On one hand, he hates his father and wishes to defend his mother against him. On the other, he loves his father and just wants to know the feeling is mutual. By joining the Marines, he does not run off and away from his problems, but he comes to put them over the flame and throw himself right into that fire. He wants to figure things out, but can only do so by pushing himself to the absolute limit. Even then, he has no idea what is right to do and is still running around like a chicken with his head cut off until Rose sets him right again because he was focusing on the wrong issues. Instead of trying to impress his father or become him in any sort of way, Cory needed to just live his own life. He needed to spread his wings and grow, but he had become so consumed and confused by his father that he was unable to do so. Even by the end of the film, his presence is still felt in everything that Cory does. To become a man, he must be his own person and not allow the actions of another to define his own actions today. Adepo, for a new actor, is terrific and raw in this performance that brings to life this confusing time for a young man. As Troy's brother Gabe, Mykelti Williamson is excellent. Providing the film with an emotional core, especially with the film's gorgeously executed third act, Williamson sells Gabe's illness with great care and authenticity, while also being rather funny and charming man.

An emotional and achingly realistic film adapted from the play by August Wilson by Wilson himself before his 2005 death, Fences provides the platform for Denzel Washington and Viola Davis to flex their acting muscle. While the duo are at the very best here, the star of Fences is the script that explores every character, their motivations, and their true feelings without having to be flashy or call attention to this fact. It is a writing master class that rises above the film's issues. As a play, its intimate feeling and quick and heavy dialogue can be so verbose, it borders on becoming dull throughout the film. With the film being over two hours, its issues with being a play are brought further to the surface with how long this one is to get through and how its constant dialogue can feel like mental and emotional overload. That said, while the film may be too long and dense, its acting and writing do manage to bring it home even if the film is a rather hands off directorial effort by Denzel Washington that never tries to make it feel like anything other than a stage show that accidentally walked onto a film set.

[storm278]

Home is where the heart is CHAPTER 5

10 years after college, Riley has gained a reputation of being a flight risk. Her friends and family have tried to stop her from taking off but truthfully there is only one person that can make her stay for good. what happens when riley sees said person for the first time in 14 years. Rucas centric

Rated T

Cross posted to Fanfiction.net here

Prologue Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4

"Are you sure you guys didn't take this too far, she bought the freaking pent house and it didn't come cheap" Josh said with utmost concern for his baby sister. Him and his wife were hosting movie night for their friends while their son was spending time with his grandparents Cory and Topanga. Darby, Yogi, Farkle, Isadora, Zay and Vanessa were present at Josh and Maya's house.

"I get your concern Josh I really do" Farkle said "I mean the plan at first was for her to rent but she buying the place only makes it so much better because now it wouldn't be easy for her to just move somewhere else, they need this push trust me it's been fifteen plus years, there has to be a reason the both of them haven't found their other halves"

Josh understood were the genius was coming from but that doesn't mean he still wasn't concerned for his sister. She tends to react to certain situations in the worst ways behaviour and health wise. This little plan of theirs, even though it came from a place of love definitely fell into the category of situations that his sister never handled properly. He just wished their group would leave her to figure this out on her own.

"My concern with this plan is what if it doesn't work and it blows up in our faces, what if Lucas gets mad, I mean we're older now but he still scares me" Yogi muttered

"Oh common honey, the man knows better now he won't even hurt a fly" Darby tried to comfort her husband and put his mind at ease.

"Yea tell that to the hole he made on the wall of his office when he found out about Nathan" Zay just dropped a bomb on the group without even realizing what he had done.

"for the life of me I still can't understand why they went so long apart when it's so clear they still love each other, she loves him, he loves her so why drag the drama on for so long gees happiness is not that hard" Vanessa exclaimed while Zay smiled and threw his arms around her.

Obviously Riles is going to be pissed at first because she knows we go to his place all the time and then out of nowhere Farkle suddenly suggests the house right next door from him" Darby said while sipping her wine

Maya was more worried about her best friend's reaction to this whole plan fiasco "I'm still a little scared, I've known the girl my whole life, when she gets pissed she could take drastic actions, what if she decides to sell the home and move"

"She wouldn't do that Maya it would be too obvious she is moving because of him, she already admitted to all of us she loves that place. She's still bubbles after all; she would never want to hurt him like that. Even if they haven't seen each other" Isadora explained. Then everyone turns to Zay as he is tearing through a turkey leg

"what are y'all staring at me for, I agree with the Mr. & Mrs. Genius here" he huffs seeing some of the members of group still in doubt, then he moves to drops the turkey leg down on his plate "common guys its Lucas and Riley we're talking of here, we've seen this play out before it's not rocket science people. What those two have I can't even begin to explain it, just being in close proximity and they can't stop talking to each other. It's a little freaky if you asked me" Zay said earning him a smack in the head from his new fiancé

"and that's how they bond with each other" Farkle added and it was as if a light bulb went off in this head "You guys that's what happened, that's why they refused to see themselves"

Maya caught on "because they knew one of them was going to cave in and then they would start speaking again, that's why Lucas leaves when Riley comes home but why didn't he leave this time"

"Duh because he wants his girl back, Jesus, what part of Lucas loves this woman don't you people understand" Zay said in frustration leaving everyone dumbfounded.

Josh was particularly shocked with these new bombshells Zay has been dropping all night, because to be honest he never thought the alleged plan would work, he always figured if they were ever going to get back together it wouldn't be because of people meddling, it would be Riley and Lucas figuring things out themselves. Josh knew parts of the story that no one present knew, so he was particularly thrilled to hear Lucas wanted Riley back for the sake of his sister's happiness. Then he turned his attention to Zay "did he tell you this? Like with actual words? What happens to Nathan then?"

"When last did Lucas stay in New York for a whole year plus" Zay asked with raised eye brows "he has more than enough doctors to take care of his clinic here, he could have gone back to Texas if he wanted to. Riley has been back for what over a month now and he still shows no sign of going anywhere. He doesn't need to tell me he wants the girl back; his actions show it"

"and Josh, who cares what happens to Nathan" Darby spat "I mean he's a good guy and all but we all know that relationship doesn't hold a candle to Rucas" Maya smiled at this remembering when they use to tease the couple with the ship name back in high school.

"That's true I haven't even considered the Nathan factor in this equation" Farkle said

"Bubbles wouldn't want to hurt Nathan either hmm" Isadora thought for a minute and looked to her husband "Dearest it would appear we skipped out on that variable, so what do we do now, Nathan is a threat to our desired outcome but there are ways to eliminate him from said equation though" Smackle smirked

"SMACKLE!" everyone yelled

Zay looked at both of them as if they were crazy "hey! Mr. & Mrs. Genius, Lucas and Riley aren't equations from a textbook, like I said this isn't rocket science, we have succeeded in getting them to see each other again that's good so now just sit back and watch the magic happen"

"In a weird way I agree with Zay on this. I don't think there's any magic to it but they definitely have some kind of pull to each other" Josh said

All through their conversations, Maya was still confused in thoughts with all of this because she never understood why, why were things happening this way for those two. Lucas had once said Riley was his favorite person in the world to talk to, and that was one of the most honest things Maya had ever heard him say. One look into his eyes you could tell he meant every word of it and he proved it all through their high school years. The two would constantly sneak off to God knows where just to be alone with each other. Once Riley told her they drove out of the city at night just for the sake of the adventure of it and of course more of an excuse for them to be together.

So why would they be so willing to go so long without wanting to see each other, Riley didn't cheat Maya was sure of that, Lord knows Missy as hot and sexy as she looked tried to get Lucas but he wouldn't budge, it wasn't their spark; those two made fireworks just by linking pinkies, they didn't stop loving each other, nope very far from that, then it hit Maya like a ton of bricks. Their first real fight started after Riley got sick once at the beginning of senior year, she kept to herself for a while after falling sick. Riley had told Maya that her asthma was acting up so she had to stay away from school for a while, Maya knew it wasn't the whole truth but she decided to not push it because she figured Riley would come to her when she was ready to talk but Riley never did and she shrugged it off because Riley got better but her friend's relationship never did. So she decided to test her theory

"Sweetie remember when Riles got sick at the beginning of senior year" everyone turned their attention to Maya wondering what that had to do with anything "do you remember what happened to her" Maya asked Josh

Josh was alarmed by this question because this was not his secret to tell and he knew the hell his mother would raise on him if he spilled anything to anybody so he panicked and said the first thing that came to his head "Oh um yea I remember, she had this flu that wouldn't go away"

Lies! Why would Josh lie to me Maya thought to herself she said it was her asthma, so something did happen to Riley. Oh God something happened to Riley! Maya began to internally panic How could I not see this? She didn't tell Lucas and it must have been huge since it caused them to split up and Josh is lying to me over it. Maya got up from the table with haste to leave "I have to go see her"

Josh followed behind her outside of their home to get away from the rest "Babe it's late we have guests, Riley's fine trust me the flu has definitely passed"

"Sweetie please I have to go see her right now, something's not adding up"

"I assure you she's fine Maya; you can ask her about it tomorrow" Josh pleaded, he could sense Maya knew he lied

"If I don't go it's going to bug me and then I'm going to have to bug you all night" Maya was determined to get answers, something happened to her sister and her husband was trying to keep her away from finding out. This only made the wheels in her head spin faster

"Maya she is probably exhausted from moving today, she and Nathan are probably having some alone time for themselves and they wouldn't appreciate you busting in asking for answers to something that happened years ago plus I already told you what happened"

"You told me something alright but you and I know that's not what happened, I know you're covering for her or you feel like it's not your position to tell so I'll respect that tonight for the sake of the people in our house but tomorrow you bet your ass I'm getting my answers" Josh shoulders visibly relaxed themselves as he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He was more than relieved that his wife was dropping the issue for this night because now he would be able to give his sister the heads up that her spit fire best friend knew something was up.

GMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMWGMW

"Riley?" His eyes widen in panic "Oh my gosh Riles where is your inhaler" He rushed to her side again and put his strong muscular arms around her. Lucas didn't need to be told what was happening to her, he had been there with her when she badly struggled with it in high school.

She slid to sit on the floor of the elevator to create some kind of distance from him. His heart broke a little seeing her like this. Seeing that the doors to the elevator already closed shot and they had started moving, her heart beats sped up. Her breaths were only getting shorter so she pointed to the small cardboard box she dropped while she tripped. He didn't even think twice about it, he ripped the top off and saw a bunch of inhalers still in their packaging. He quickly tore one open, shook it and put it in her mouth so she could take the puffs. She sat calmly to relax for a few seconds before the doors opened to their floor.

Lucas squatted beside her "are you okay, Riley please talk to me, do I need to take you to the hospital" she shook her head slowly still staring at his emerald orbs that had tiny flecks of gold around them. She felt like she was in high school all over again, seeing Lucas take care of her when she use to have attacks back then. She kept staring at him as if she was looking at a ghost, her mind was running a million miles per second and her pounding heart did not help her current daze. She tried to get up but Lucas held on to her from the side to support her, she was shocked by his actions and furrowed her eyes at him but that didn't stop all the butterflies that were on a rampage in her stomach.

"Luke I'm going to be fine I'll just go home and lay down for a bit" she picked up the box to live. While Lucas was still stunned at what just happened, she called him Luke that's something he hadn't heard in years; he saw her and not in his dreams or imaginations and he physically touched her; he spoke to her; she still looked as amazing he remembered, her pictures never did her justice he always knew that but this was just mind blowing for him; she had grown so much more than his brain could currently comprehend and he didn't miss her blown out curves and long legs that did things to his insides. He paused for a minute to collect his thoughts on his way back to his house, did he just see her walk into the house right next to his, she said she was going to go 'home' where was her home, was Riley his new neighbour. He went into his place to go process what just happened.

Meanwhile on Riley's end she couldn't reach her home fast enough. She entered and slammed the door behind her then rested her back on it to take small breaths what is he doing here, how did he find me, why is this happening now, I'm happy with Nathan right? I love him right?

"Riley?" Nathan called from on top of the stairs "where do you need these to go" he said holding up two lamps

"Natan!" Riley called and ran up to him before he could say anything she wrapped her hand around his neck and kissed him. The kiss wasn't just for endearment sake, it was more of desperation, she deepened the kiss sliding her tongue into his mouth while he graciously accepted it, she held on to him so tightly for dear life and ran her hands through his brown hair. She pulled away looking into his eyes as if searching for something she was so sure for the past seven months she finally had.

"whoa, babe what was that for, I mean not that I'll ever complain but wow."

She huffed while her hands were still around his neck and forced a smile "I just wanted to say thanks, you know for helping me move, and being here with me"

"well if this is the treatment I get for helping you move, you just call me whenever you need a mover, you can call me mover man" he said with his hands on his waist pretending to be a superhero which made Riley giggle.

They got most of the boxes unpacked that day and after a light dinner of pizza and wine, both were too tired to do anything else. So they decided to call it a night. Nathan passed out immediately his head touched the pillows. Riley laid next to him but couldn't bring herself to sleep. Her mind was still on the events of the elevator; her brain had managed to memorize every detail of him. He looked so much better than he what he looked like the last time she saw him; he was much taller, her head barley reached his shoulders; and his arms only got bigger from his muscles. Her hands moved to the spot on her arms that he held, she remembered the moment he held her so vividly it was like she could still feel his arms around her. She turned on the bed to her sleeping boyfriend and felt guilt run through her, this man sleeping right next to her; a man who loved and adored her and has constantly showed her how much he cares about her, but here she was practically drooling over someone she hasn't seen or spoken to since she graduated 12th grade. She tossed when she heard her phone vibrate from the night stand

Text messages

Josh

Hey baby sis, how did the move go, I'll stop by tomorrow to check on you. Love you

p.s Maya has a hunch about your senior year if you know what I mean. I was able to hold her off for today but she's coming to get answers from you tomorrow so yea heads up on that.

[goldnsyren]

Bjorn & Sassa!

Three kids for the three asks I got for them, let me know if you want more!

Name: Gyda the Sharp, daughter of Sassa.

Gender: Female

General Appearance: Though she is not their biological child, it’s clear why some might mistake her for such. Gyda has a strong square jaw similar to Bjorn’s, green eyes and quite dark hair braided across the sides of her head. A beauty like her mother, she has a muscular build like her parents, well trained and toned, and stands at a mild height of 5′5.

Personality: Gyda, unlike her name-sake, can be impatient and volatile, easy to rile up and hard to calm down, she wears her armored heart on her sleeve. But she attempts to be as much like her adopted mother as she can, hiding ‘weakness’ in clenched jaws and narrowed gazes pretending to be strong and uncaring even when secretly doing everything she can to gain the approval of the people that still have trouble seeing her as one of them.

Special Talents: The origin of her name stems from her handiwork with daggers and swords, wielding some of the sharpest metal seen with great graceful ruthlessness, cutting down any and all who stand in her way. Taught by her mother and the rest of her new family, Gyda took to the swords with only the occasional near loss of limb.

Who they like better: Sassa will always be the one to rescue, take in, and help her grow, the mother she was always meant to have, but Bjorn is the one who’s approval she secretly craves, never having gotten over the way he acted as if her mere existence insulted him when Sassa first brought her into their home. Luckily he loved her mother more than he hated her.

Who they take after more: Sassa, nurtured, raised, and loved her more than any other. Though she does have Floki’s more rash sense of humor, judgment, and outward distrust.

Personal Head canon: Gyda was found by Sassa after a raid had desecrated her village. Then going by the name Sarah, Gyda seemed to show promise in the way she bravely resisted and argued with her captors. Seeing her weak, starved, and bloodied, Sassa saw a gleam in her eye that wasn’t unlike what Ragnar has seen in her own. In that moment she knew she was meant to raise the orphan, taking her in as her own and giving her the name Gyda, despite everyone encouraging her not to. Since then, the girl’s shown to be nothing but a success.

Face Claim: Marie Avgeropoulos

Name: Erik Bjornsson

Gender: Male

General Appearance: Erik takes almost exclusively after his father. Blue eyes and a square jaw like his father, hehas the classic blonde hair though a few shades darker than his fathers. But no matter how long he grows his hair it will never be enough to hide the ‘funny ears’ he inherited from the bear of a man, though it seems he’s been growing into them faster than his father did. Born with fair skin, its dotted with small moles like his mother, covering lean muscles over his tall frame. Nearly his mother’s height at the age of thirteen, he appears to only be growing taller, stronger, and wiser.

Personality: Quiet and serious appearing like his mother, his arrogance and over-confidence is more like his father at that age. He proud to be the son of such mighty warriors but is often embarrassed and at times even ashamed at how they appear to baby him by not letting him go on raids or help oversee the village. While he often turns to his father for reason, everyone knows that when it comes to the children, Sassa will always have the final word (or in some cases glare) that decides their fates. For this reason Erik is often shown trying to coax his mother into fights or sparring sessions in a desperate attempt to prove he’s ready, determined and overeager.

Special Talents: Erik has been practicing with spears and staffs, advancing and making a legacy of his own as he prepares to accompany his parents into battle, but when it comes down to it knife throwing and the axes are what he wields best.

Who they like better: Neither parent, he preferred his uncle Ubba and grandfather because he feels they do not baby him and doesn’t have to be as “in-control” around them.

Who they take after more: Bjorn, from looks to attitude, he’s a small copy of his father much to others amusement and his parents irritation. It’s like the source of the ‘when I was your age’ speech, and of course, Erik never want to listen…

Personal Head canon: Erik’s birth was foretold by the seer, stating that he would one day be king of an empire that crossed oceans, one of the heirs of a great dynasty of rulers. As such, and coming from such a mighty bloodline, many came to see the boy that would be king. While most regarded him with kindness and amazement there were a few that were less than impressed with the boy. Since the first time he spit up on the face of one of these such doubters, Erik has made it a personal mission to correct their beliefs, be it arguing, ranking, or straight up battling in his prime.

Face Claim: Cory Gruter-Andrew

Name: Leif Bjornsson

Gender: Male

General Appearance: The second of the male born children, Leif is small in stature and height, taking almost exclusively after his mother in the look department. He has a mop of brown curls upon his young head, large light green eyes and a pointed chin and slim nose. He is often muddied from playing with the animals and running around the farms and forests.

Personality: Leif is the most sensitive of the children. Soft spoken, caring, and reminiscent of his long departed aunt, Sassa won’t admit it but she tends to coddle the boy, fearing the world will take him and chew him up like it did Gyda. Bjorn and Sassa often become frustrated with his disinterest in battle, but Sassa can never stay mad at the sweet boy for long.

Special Talents: Leif has been known to disappear throughout the day exploring the village and surrounding forest with spectacular stealth. He shares his mothers talent at disappearing at will, camouflage and tracking a natural gift he doesn’t seem to mind expanding.

Who they like better: Why he may cling to his mother like a baby chimp, he tends to be around his father whenever he can, be it in the background or just sitting beside him, he adores his father the way Bjorn did Ragnar.

Who they take after more: Its a tie between Sassa and his aunt Gyda. He has Sassa’s looks and some of her skills but personality wise his soft-spoken loving nature has only been shown in his aunt before.

Personal Head canon: Leif may be small but those who know him know that to find him you would be best off looking up, instead of down. A penchant for climbing things like his mom, Leif can be found sitting on on rafters, sitting in trees, and even sleeping on roofs, much to the family’s dismay.

Face Claim: Art Parkinson

-: Send me a couple and I’ll tell you what their kids would be like :-

[anxietycalling]

... is this thing on?

HA. After like two months of trying to break into my own goddamn tumblr account, I finally figured out what password I used. So hi. Hello. Welcome back to the internet, self.

I mostly wanted to log in to give some updates about my life and start, you know, documenting it as there is some monumental stuff in the works for me this year. I’ll put the rest of it under a cut because I’m not a barbarian.

So one of the biggest changes for me since the last time I blogged reliably is that I got diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. That was, uh, two years ago? Somewhere in that general timeframe. It’s not really that surprising, given my mother’s extreme fastidiousness that she later admitted to me is untreated OCD. I’m the only person I know who can walk soundlessly in pitch dark and make entire meals without touching food with my hands because of that. But anyways, I guess the reason it didn’t get diagnosed sooner is because, as my wonderful psychologist puts it, “You’re too smart to fall for obvious compulsions because you’re aware of how they affect your public perception, so you get trapped in the ones that are more realistic.” In other words, I intellectualize my OCD too much.  That’s not to say it doesn’t affect my life though! For... probably about a year, maybe more, I had a crippling fear of handling or preparing food for others because I had a persistent obsession that I would accidentally poison someone. At its worst it got so bad that I couldn’t touch plastic wrap or open packaging, either. Through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure response prevention (ERP), my symptoms have decreased to the point where I’m able to cook for myself and others again. I still seek reassurance more than I should - which is another symptom of OCD - but I’m working on it. Baby steps!  Most of my symptoms are manageable now, but I do still get ‘stuck’ sometimes. Like I said, I have a wonderful psychologist. She makes me do things I don’t want to do. She’s nice about it, but she’s a bit of a stickler for progress. Which is good! She’s very practical in a way that previous therapists of mine haven’t been. I don’t like the ooey-gooey “How does that make you feeeeeel? How does it relate to your tortured chiiiiildhood?” nonsense, so I’m glad we can skip that. For years I thought I was just bad at therapy, so I didn’t pursue it. Turns out that the right person with the right counselling philosophy can be a great asset in managing mental illness. Which leads me to the reason I sought out a therapist to begin with...

When I moved to Ottawa, I got a regular endocrinologist for the first time in my life. She’s wonderful and willing to work with her patients at their own level. My husband goes to the same endo (but more on him in a second...) and seeing the differences in the way she interacts with each of us is awesome. She takes time to answer my many questions and often has great practical advice about managing hormone replacement therapy. My testosterone levels have been stable for... three years now? Maybe a little more? Aside from one set of bloodwork where my hemoglobin was high, there haven’t been any major hiccups. And my endo said that it wasn’t necessarily concerning, just a precaution because we don’t know what the effects of heightened hemoglobin levels in transgender men are yet. Another thing my endocrinologist does is refer her patients to other relevant services. After my second or third appointment with her, she wrote my letter of recommendation to the government so I could change my gender designation on my birth certificate. She also did the paperwork for OHIP to cover my top surgery. I got the letter from the Ministry of Health a couple of weeks later, and started down the path to actually, you know, getting surgery. It’s more complicated than you think! She recommended me to the Montreal GRS clinic (Drs. Brassard, Belanger and Bensimon). There is a fair amount of paperwork that they request before your file even gets passed to the surgery team. One of those things was a letter of recommendation from a health professional that meets the WPATH standards of care. That’s when my endo recommended my therapist to me. The WPATH standards of care require at least 6 months of follow-up from the practitioner, so I sat down in that office once a month until I got my dang letter. And what a letter it was! Cori, my therapist, basically wrote a strongly worded letter that implies her disapproval over needing a letter at all. Why, you may ask? Because I already had years of documentation detailing my gender dysphoria and persistent desire for surgery. Literal years of it, dating back to... 2007 or so. But she wrote the letter, we continued on, and my brain is much healthier than it’s been for years. 

Getting my IDs changed was a lot more work than I expected. Like, I knew that it would take a fair amount of paperwork, and I was prepared for that. I did my gender marker change first, which involved first getting the letter of recommendation notarized and sending it off to the government to get a shiny new birth certificate with an ‘M’ on it. It took about 4 months to get my first birth certificate. After that, back to city hall I went to change the gender on my driver’s license and health card. Getting the gender marker changed was inexpensive - I paid $35 for the new birth certificate plus postage. Ottawa city hall has services that will commission (notarize) your documents for free, so I didn’t pay for that, but normally in our city it costs between $15-20.  Next I did my name change. The form itself is about 30 pages or so, and most of it is just checking boxes like “Hey, I’m not a criminal, I’m not hiding from any debts,” and then getting it notarized and mailing it off. The name change took the longest - I waited about 6 months for my new birth certificate. Changing the name on my IDs was easy. All I had to do was go back to city hall (again) and wait in line (again) and update my drivers’ license, health card and social insurance file.  For about the first month after my name change, I had a folder I carried everywhere with me. You never really realize how many places you give your name to until you have to change it. The gym, doctor’s offices - despite having socialized healthcare and a (mostly) computerized system, you have to remember to change your name at every doctor’s office you visit separately. Now I have my updated IDs, so I can just show my driver’s license. 

Now I’m going to talk about the path to getting a surgery date at GRS Montreal. Yes, I got the letter for my OHIP funding relatively quickly, but actually getting my file to the surgical team was a logistical disaster. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, by the way - I’m glad that they’re doing their due diligence and making sure everything is well documented. It’s just kind of hard when you’ve already waited for so long to stay patient.  So, yes, I got my letter from Cori after 6 months. The reason I’m so irritated about it to this day is that a couple of months after they insisted they needed this letter, I got another email from the clinic saying they didn’t need it. And then they went back and forth on it another couple of times, so Cori and I just said fuck it and did it anyways, because I do not have the patience for that kind of back-and-forth. During the interim while I was getting regularly therapized, I also did all of the medical components they required. It was basically just a visit with my family doctor so he could sign a form and say “Hey, this guy is healthy enough for surgery and I am competent to handle any complications.”  I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but having to fill out a million checkboxes and saying ‘No’ to a million health conditions I don’t have, multiple times, gets a bit tedious after a while. So I did all of that, and then I sat on my hands and waited. And waited. And waited some more. I prodded them occasionally via email, because I’m impatient at the best of times and am often bossy and direct with health professionals. Finally, after another 6 months, they passed my file on to the surgical team, who actually called me on the phone promptly to tell me the next steps. The surgical nurse literally emailed me an info packet on Jackson-Pratt drains while on the phone with me.  They gave me my surgery date in September. And now we wait again. I’m leaving for Montreal on February 25th. At this point I’m just impatient and trying to keep busy. 51 more days. The closer it gets, the more time stands still. 

My bio-dad died in... 2017? Something like that. I know, it sounds awful that I don’t remember when he died but also, he was just a shit person. He abused me, he let his girlfriend abuse me, and he continued being a terrible person even in death. There was money for me in some account he had (and had forgotten), apparently, and I spent almost a year trying to figure out how to get it with no luck. Seriously. Even my mom, who had long since divorced my bio-dad and remarried, tried - because the account manager said she had to be the one that accessed the account, even though it was in my name and I’m an adult... and my mother’s lawyer looked at the whole thing, figured out that it was super illegal, and the investment firm stopped returning my calls. What a fucking scam. And yes, I could pursue it legally if I wanted to, but I really don’t want to. I don’t have the patience or the money for lawyers.  Everyone in my family is unequivocally mad at me for not going to the funeral. I mean, why would I? Why would I go to the funeral of a man who sexually abused me and chose alcohol over both of his kids? But my family tends to be very “But faaaaaaamily!”, therefore, most of them have stopped speaking to me.  I’m not really upset by his dying, by the way. I kind of made peace with it in like 2013 or so the first time my mother called me sobbing to tell me he was on his deathbed. I wasn’t surprised then, either, that he had congestive heart failure due to alcoholism. He was so jaundiced the last time I saw him in person that he looked like a Simpsons character. He didn’t recognize me, either. My brother had to tell him that I was his own child. So that pretty much killed any kind of forgiveness I could have had for the man. To his credit, he maybe kind-of tried. If trying is calling me, on purpose, on my birthday every year to tell me what a woman I am and am becoming. Ugh. Gross. Grossgrossgross.  Also, and this is a big Also, I could not have stomached that funeral when everyone was acting like his death was so Tragic and Could Not Have Been Foreseen. Like! I remember from childhood that that man could put away a 24-pack of beer in a day. One of my fondest childhood memories of him - if you can call them that - is bottle return day, where we would wait for my mom to leave for work and then sneak his empties out of the house to return for the deposit, which he would then use to buy more beer and buy KFC for lunch. And this is a secret that we kept from my mother for, like, years. I don’t think she really ever knew the extent of his drinking. Or mine, when I was still drinking.  I wasn’t ever really bothered by his death. I had a breakdown about it, sure, but it was more about the finality of his having died without standing up for myself or demanding an explanation/apology for his behavior towards us, or for raping my brother’s girlfriend, or... anything.

I had a job with great pay, and I fucking quit it.  No, seriously. I was making $18 an hour and I walked away from it because it was driving me to a nervous breakdown. I wasn’t sleeping, I was barely eating, and I couldn’t have a day off without obsessively thinking about work. I got promoted way too quickly and sort of lied-to way too often about how things would change, they never did, and finally in October I couldn’t handle it anymore. I saw Cori and she basically told me that I needed to quit or she’d make me. And I still feel kind of bad about that, because Ash and I fought about that for months beforehand. Literal months. It’s the only thing we’ve ever fought about. But I sat in that office in tears about the thought of ever going back to McDonald’s, and it was the right choice.  The first month was really hard. Not financially - I had decent enough savings to float us for a couple months. But emotionally, I was devastated. I’ve always kind of vacillated my self-worth between pushing myself way too hard to try and force everyone to like me and crumbling under the pressure from that and turning inwards. I had no idea what to do with myself. I was sleeping at weird hours or not sleeping at all. The cats were glad I was home, and so was Ash, but I felt really sick not doing anything - or at least as much. Even with school, I felt kind of aimless. Online classes don’t really demand specific time frames. Yeah, there are due dates, but aside from that you’re really on your own.  Now I’m glad that I quit when I did. From what my friends who still work there tell me, things have only gone downhill. It’s not surprising. They take anyone who’s halfway competent and seduce them with promises they have no intention of keeping to accept promotions and then never follow through. They push people way too hard and they’re not growing and changing with the economy and the demographic of people they’re able to hire for minimum wage. Like, I’m sorry, but once I’ve recovered from surgery there are way better jobs I can get that will keep my brain way healthier. 

The husband. Well, to-be. We’re going to do it on paper at Halloween. Nothing flashy, just going to city hall and signing some papers and then it’s done. I’m not sure exactly where to start on this one because most of it happened so fast. I kind of dicked around with online dating for a bit and nothing really came of it; I had lost expectations around the time he messaged me. There was nothing that immediately said “Hey, you’re going to fall in love with this person!” but I took the leap anyways. I was having a hard time coming to terms with being gay and trans, so a low-stakes thing with less expectation seemed nice to me. ... And then we talked, and we both fell hard. I moved to Ottawa 2 months later, after a fairly tumultuous time going back and forth on the train pretty much every 4 or 5 days. I spent most of my money on traveling those months. It was extremely worth it.  I knew I was in it for the long-haul when he called me while I was on the train home one day. I’d just left, much against my better judgment, and he had a doctor’s appointment that I’d wanted to go to. Ash is not great at asserting himself with doctors. Like I said, I’m bossy and controlling, so this one would’ve been good for me to be at. He called me basically in tears. Something was weird with his bloodwork, and not only could he not start testosterone as originally planned, but his doctors thought he had leukemia.  In typical me fashion, I basically got home, worked a day or two and immediately turned around and came back. There were tests. There was bloodwork. Much of it is a blur, but the thrilling conclusion is that doctors often don’t know how to interpret Ash’s blood results because he doesn’t have a spleen, so his blood is shaped wrong. No cancer! Just weird blood and a crappy immune system. But that crystallized it for me. We moved into a friend’s place for a couple of months, and then, when we could, moved into our current apartment. And for a couple of months it was nice! Great, even! But our roommate’s girlfriend, who also lived with us, had a poorly managed personality disorder and was emotionally and sexually abusive to our wonderful roommate. It took months, but eventually we evicted her after having secret meetings away from the house to come up with a battle plan. In the end, she had to be removed by police and her parents had to come get her things. It’s something I hope I never have to do again, because it felt awful and the girl’s poor parents were clearly devastated.  We parted ways with the roommate in June. Amicably, but a bit sad. Part of it was that we had outgrown having roommates, and part of it is that our roommate, while a wonderful person, has a serious hoarding disorder related to anxiety that clashed awfully with my OCD symptoms. They’re in a house with some wonderful people now, so hopefully it’s better with people who are able to be supportive in a more helpful way.  All of this to say that I have a wonderful husband, who I love very much. 

Which brings me to my next point. Jeez, this is turning into a novel. I’m so sorry. But anyways, I started university in September! It’s been tough what with the work stuff, but I’m doing pretty well. I’m majoring in psychology and desperately white-knuckling my way through introductory biology so I can take cognitive neuropsychology classes next year. Eventually I’d like to become a clinician, but I’m pretty sure I need to go to graduate school for that. I’m taking less classes than I’d like because of surgery, but I’m going to take summer classes to make up for it. 

Also because Ash had to have emergency surgery before Christmas! We’d known something was wrong with his elbow for a while - it was an injury that he’d had since before we met. But over the course of 3 years, an injured elbow turned to a lump, and that lump lead to a loss of mobility. His family doctor didn’t seem overly concerned about it, and didn’t run the proper tests until this year. Thanks to a concerned sports medicine doctor who was way out of his depth, more tests were run. There’s nothing quite like the concerned, hushed tone of a doctor to strike fear into one’s heart. The diagnostic imaging showed a tumor had grown in Ash’s elbow. I named him Leopold.  A non-cancerous, aggressive giant cell tumor. In his elbow. Literally eating away at the bone. Likely had been for a while. They called us on a Wednesday. Ash went to meet the surgeon on Thursday. The hospital called the same day to book him for surgery. Monday he went to meet with the anaesthesiologist. Tuesday we went to the hospital and they removed Leopold. And let me tell you, it was an absolute shit show.  First of all, they expect a man who’s still drugged up from the anaesthesia to be able to decide if he can go home that night or not. They wouldn’t even let him call me before making him decide. Listen, this man is not great at taking decisive action in the best of circumstances sometimes. I actually ended up going home to feed the cats and going back before anyone even told me whether he was coming home or not! Then the post-operative nurses didn’t give clear directions on the aftercare, so I ended up calling the hospital multiple days in a row to figure out what was going on. They didn’t even tell me what type of stitches he had. I think the worst part was that the doctors didn’t actually check with us what kind of painkillers would be most appropriate. They just sent us home with a list, half of which wasn’t covered by insurance, and we had to white-knuckle it the first night with basically good intentions and fancy Tylenol before we could borrow the money for the rest of his painkillers the next morning. I honestly wasn’t sure we would survive that first night. Because the damage to the elbow was so severe, they put a nerve block into the arm that slowly started wearing off through the night. I never want to see anyone in that much pain. It was the kind of pain where you’re not even human anymore; you’re reduced down to an animal who’s scared and in pain, and all you want is for it to stop. I know it was necessary, what they did, to preserve motor function in the arm, but fuck, it was awful. I’m doing a bad job of explaining the technical side of this. It was an elbow resection with tumor removal and a bone graft.  The bone graft actually might be the worst part. Because the tumor ate so much of the bone, we had to do the surgery pretty much immediately because any kind of impact could have shattered Ash’s remaining bone permanently. And they had to be so, so careful during the procedure because the tumor was resting on a nerve. To the surgeons’ credit, they did not sever the nerve. It’s less irritated now, and the arm actually looks quite good, but I wish they’d given us more information ahead of time. I was woefully unprepared for how much work I would be doing. You never realize how much work your hands do until they’re taken away from you. Also, something else people never talk about with surgery is how much painkillers mess with your mood. Opioids are by nature depressants, but all the textbooks downplay exactly how severe the mood symptoms can be. Of course being bedridden plays into it as well, but painkillers severely inhibit cognitive function. That first week or so was awful. There were so many goddamn medications and most of them were useless. We were like robots, with the fucking medication dispensing. I had alarms set every 4 hours so the pain couldn’t come back. We tried. We tried so fucking hard, only to get to the follow-up appointment and have a very nice medical student give us the good stuff: Tylenol # 3 and morphine. Did I mention she was a very nice med student? 

So yes, that’s basically the state of my life at the moment. I haven’t really written anything since I left California, but I’m going to try this year to actually finish something. I’m going to post regularly, both because I kind of missed this place and because it’s nice to see concrete progress. Also, when I was looking for pictures of surgery results there wasn’t a lot to be found, so I’m trying to save someone else the same trouble.

Anyone who actually read to the end of this, you’re great and I’m very sorry I basically wrote a novel about my life. I know my descriptions are lacking in some places, so feel free to... ask follow-up questions, I guess? I dunno. It’s nice to be back.