#specially with the stone/nine or whatever

[imminent-danger-came]

do you think the writers are being too slow revealing what happened with wukong and macaque? like should the full story been revealed in s4

That's very subjective!

For me personally, I'm totally fine with how it's played out. We get enough tidbits every season/developments with their dynamic that I'm pretty content. I also just think that when the time comes, how they choose to reveal that information to us (and especially to MK) will have optimal impact!

Idk, I just think it's going to work out you know

[sceletaflores]

come on into my bed with me (i know you want to)

pair: old man!logan howlett x fem!reader

wc: 4.1k

contains: 18+ SMUT MDNI, swearing, some sad vibes because i can't function without them, large age gap (but isn't that obvious by now? mid 20s/old as fuck), established relationship but only kind of, falls in the logan 2017 timeline but very loosely, LONGINGGGG, gratuitous nickname use (kid, baby, honey, ect), nasty dirty talk cause he's old and gross, not so dry humping, JUST THE TIP RAHHHH, porn w/o plot, no use of y/n.

nat’s note: this was heavily inspired by imogen heap's 'i am in love with you' because that song fucks so hard and it really gave me lots of old man logan vibes. i was just so overcome with nasty thoughts that the beat possessed me and i blacked out and listened to it on a constant repeat while i wrote this instead of doing my a&p work. kisses!

dividers by angel @saradika-graphics!

you can't sleep, logan left his door open...

Rain pelts at the smudged glass of your window, drops trailing down the span of the panes that you follow with your eyes.

It's been raining nearly all week, a rare thing in Mexico, especially somewhere as dry as Sonora.

You used to love the rain. You felt a special kind of comfort anytime night would come and there'd be a certain chill swirling through the air, that familiar scent of damp soil and wet stone rising as the first drops hit the ground.

In Sonora, rain is supposed to be a gift—a reprieve from the unrelenting heat, a chance for the dry earth to drink.

It should feel cleansing, like a reset of sorts, and maybe it would have a few months ago.

Now it just feels heavy, oppressive. Each raindrop splattering against the glass feels like a reminder of everything that's stuck, unmoving.

The soft noise of it was almost enough to lull you to sleep, but it was still no match for your wandering mind.

You’ve been finding yourself here a lot recently, shrouded in the scratchy sheets of your bed in the quiet dark encompassing your room, mind racing.

It was raining the first night he touched you.

You've been with Logan and Charles for nine months.

A runaway hitchhiker turned caretaker after you fled from the meaningless scraps of your life back in Texas.

Logan found you on the side of the highway coming back from a shift in El Paso. One stop with the hazards on and a hasty conversation through a rolled down window later, you were throwing your bags in the back of his limo and climbing into the front seat.

You didn't realize until much later that he never truly asked you to stay, or to care for Charles alongside him.

It was only supposed to be a temporary arrangement, a roof over your head in exchange for your help. Watch over his ailing father for a few days while he went out to get him more medicine, that's what you settled on.

Yet somehow, here you are, nine months later.

You cook meals in a dusty kitchen that always smells faintly of motor oil, listen to Charles’ stories about a world you’ll never fully grasp, and watch Logan patch himself up in grim silence after he’s returned from whatever trouble found him this time. 

It's strange how the days seemed to stretch endlessly, but the weeks have slipped past like a blink. You carved out a routine in this crumbling house in Sonora, built something that resembles a life even if it feels borrowed, like a second-hand coat that never quite fits right.

At first, you weren’t sure what kept you here. Maybe Charles. 

You warmed to him almost immediately, drawn in by his gentle demeanor and the way he seemed to see right through you without a hint of judgment. 

Even when his mind faltered, slipping into tangled memories or distant fragments of a life long past, he treated you with a kindness you hadn’t felt in years.

You’d come to think of him as a king, regal and noble. A king stripped of his castle, yet still wearing a crown, if ever so skewed—a king nonetheless.

You still aren’t sure, but you can’t shake the sense that leaving now would be like tearing off a scab—painful and unnecessary.

And then, one night, the rain came.

You remember it vividly, a torrent so sudden and unrelenting. The downpour soaking the dry dirt surrounding the plant. 

You couldn’t help yourself from wandering out, stood barefoot on the porch as the cool air nipped at the skin of your arms and legs.

“You’re gonna catch a cold standin’ out here.” Logan said from somewhere behind you, his voice rough and low after the silence of a long shift.

You hadn’t moved, hadn’t even glanced his way. “I like the rain.”

There was a beat of silence before he stepped closer, the warmth of his body radiating against your back. His hand had been hesitant at first, a brush of calloused fingers against your arm. 

You didn’t pull away.

The heat of his palm felt scalding, causing goosebumps to pebble along your damp skin. His thumb swiped across the circular scar just above your elbow, a cigarette burn, one of many.

He didn’t say anything as he turned and walked back into the house. You learned quickly that Logan’s not the type to fill silences with empty words, but you both knew something shifted.

He came into your room later that night. The squeaky mattress of your bed dipping under his weight as he slid his hand down your stomach, pausing just above the waistband of your shorts, a silent question.

He didn’t kiss you, but the rain pattering against the tin roof was enough to swallow your soft moans and gasps.

You settled into something undefined—a constant push and pull of need and silence. Logan touched you when he needed to, and you let him because you wanted to.

It wasn’t love, not then. It wasn’t even comfort. But it was connection. A tenuous thread in the quiet storm of your lives.

You figured that was enough.

The rain hasn't slowed. If anything, the howl of the wind is stronger than before.

The soothing rhythm of droplets hitting your window turned aggressively sharp, like darts thrown against a worn cork board.

The boom of thunder is nearly in sync with the pulse of your core, aching and insistent in its need.

It’s been weeks since Logan touched you last, his endless cycle of guilt stronger than it's been before. He’s never outright said it, but you know it’s there.

The silence between you both has stretched longer than you'd like to admit, a quiet that isn't comfortable anymore.

You know he’s got it in his head that he’s somehow taken advantage of you. A perverted old man falling weak to the pretty, young thing taking up space in the bed two doors over from him.

The thought stirs something deep within you, a mix of frustration and confusion. He’s not wrong, not exactly—but he’s not right either. You aren’t a child, and you aren’t helpless. You knew what you wanted, what you needed.

And that hasn’t dared to change.

You shift in bed, the sheets tangling around your legs as your body hums with a restlessness you can’t shake. The air in your room feels thick, charged, and suffocating, a mirror of the space between you and Logan.

He doesn’t understand that you want him too, that you weren’t some helpless thing to be protected or shielded from his darkness. It eats at you until your skin is practically buzzing with it, buzzing with the need to show him.

There’s only so much silence you can take before it becomes too loud to ignore. 

You swing your legs over the edge of the bed, the hardwood cool against your bare feet. You know it’s late, but you don’t care.

You walk through the dimly lit hallway, the creak of the floorboards quiet under you as you make your way to Logan’s door. It’s cracked open, a yellow glow spilling through to guide you like a lighthouse guides its ships to shore.

When you reach the beat up wood you don’t hesitate, you push it open the slightest bit, peering through the widened gap. 

He’s there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to you. He doesn’t turn, doesn’t acknowledge you, but you know he knows you’re there.

You cross the threshold, your heartbeat loud in your ears as you pull the door shut behind you, leaning your back against it.

“Logan,” you say softly, your voice rougher than you intended.

He doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he runs his hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. The lamplight catches the sharp planes of his face, a familiar weariness etched into his features.

His fingers flex at his sides, and for a moment, you think he’s going to tell you to leave—to go back to your room where it’s safe, where you won’t make things more complicated than they already are. You almost brace for it.

But then he speaks.

“What’s wrong, kid.” His voice is nothing but a deep rumble, like gravel crunching underfoot.

You shrug noncommittally, hands messing with a stray thread hanging from the edge of your shorts. “Can’t sleep.”

Logan sighs long and slow through his nose, hands pressing into his thighs. “Thought you liked the rain.”

You smile faintly at the irony, chest swelling with something dangerous. 

You take a step further into the room, pushing yourself off the closed door. The familiar scent of him invades your senses. It’s a mixture of leather, earth, and something raw—something undeniably him. 

You stand there for a moment, letting the silence stretch thin and taut before you finally speak.

“Can I stay?” The words come out barely above a whisper, but they land like a crack of lightning.

You feel your heart thud painfully in your chest, not from fear, but from the sudden vulnerability that makes your skin burn.

The room feels smaller now, the walls pressing in as you step forward, each movement slow and deliberate. You stop at the edge of his bed, the sheets pressing against the bare skin of your thighs.

Logan’s gaze flickers over his shoulder, meeting yours briefly before he looks away again, like he’s trying to convince himself that the ache in his chest isn’t real.

“You should go back to bed,” he says, voice gruff. “It’s late.”

“I don’t want to go back.” You shake your head even though he isn’t turned around to see it.

Without thinking, you crawl onto the bed, the comforter making soft shushing sounds under your hands and knees. You reach out, fingers brushing the back of his neck, the muscles there tight with strain.

Logan flinches slightly, but he doesn’t pull away, and that’s all the permission you need.

You shift closer, pressing your chest against his back, and letting your hands settle on his shoulders. The heat between you is electric, charged with something unsaid, something raw and undeniable.

“Please,” you whisper, your lips brushing against the back of his ear, your voice a mixture of defiance and desire.

Logan stiffens, but this time, you feel the shudder that runs through him, the way his body responds despite the walls he’s built around himself.

You know he’s torn, that he wants to fight this. You feel it in the tension that radiates from him, in the way his body seems to be fighting against the instinct to turn toward you.

But you don’t care anymore. You’re done with silence.

Your fingers slide down his back, feeling the rough fabric of his shirt against your skin as you press yourself closer. Your breath is hot against his neck now, and you can feel the rapid pulse in his veins beneath your lips as you hover just above his skin, waiting.

“Logan…” Your voice is softer now, almost pleading. You don’t know what you’re asking for, but you don’t have to.

His hand comes up, brushing against your wrist as if testing, as if he’s afraid you’ll pull away. But you don’t.

Instead, you lean into him further, your lips brushing the curve of his neck, whispering into the tension that still hangs heavy between you. “Please.”

The last shreds of Logan’s resistance snap under the cloying weight of your touch.

He’s moving before you can even register what’s happening, rearing up with heavy hands that land on your shoulders to push you backwards.

You fall back onto the bed with a soft gasp, bouncing on the mattress once, twice, before Logan follows. His body settles over yours like a warm blanket, thick forearms braced on either side of your head to support his weight.

"Why couldn't you sleep, honey?" he asks, dark eyes boring into yours intense enough to get your stomach churning. The green of them is deeper than normal, like fresh moss growing over stone.

“I was thinking,” you whisper, breathless. Your pulse races beneath your skin, you wonder distantly if he can hear it too.

“Thinkin’ about what?” he presses, breath fanning over your lips temptingly. 

Your brows furrow, a soft noise escaping you. You can't help but tell the truth. “About you.”

Logan hums, eyes trailing along your face slowly. He slots a knee between your thighs, groaning softly at the wet heat that seeps through to his jeans.

You gasp, hips bucking down instinctively. Your pussy aches desperately, leaking arousal into the cotton gusset of your panties.

His jaw clenches at the sound, muscle ticking just beneath the grey of his beard. “Is that right? You been layin' in that bed, thinkin' about me, gettin’ all worked up?"

Your face burns under his scrutiny, but you don’t shy away. You arch your back, pressing yourself as close to him as possible, letting the heat of your body speak for you.

“Yeah,” you breathe, the confession trembling on your lips. “I need you, it hurts.”

Logan exhales sharply, like the words knocked the air out of him. His hands slide from your shoulders, rough palms gliding down the skin of your arms before settling right under the swell of your breasts.

“Where’s it achin’, baby?” he asks softly, words almost getting lost in the dark of the room. “Show me.”

You let out a soft breath, reaching down to take his hand in yours.

Without breaking eye contact, you guide his hand down your trembling body until his palm rests over the apex of your thighs, where the damp fabric of your shorts clings to your swollen folds.

“Here,” you whisper, voice barely audible above the rain pounding against his window.

A low growl rumbles from deep in his chest, and his fingers press more firmly against you, feeling the slick heat that’s soaked through the thin cotton. His eyes darken further, the green almost swallowed by the black of his pupils.

Logan’s thumb drags over your clit, slow and deliberate, coaxing a needy whimper from your lips.

“Jesus,” he mutters, his voice thick. “You’re drippin’ for me, aren’t you? Didn’t even need to touch you, and you’re already so fuckin’ wet.” 

You whimper softly, bucking your hips against his hand, desperate for more.

"I've been like this all night," you admit, your voice going high and needy. "Thinking about how good you make me feel. How much I want you."

Logan’s eyes lock onto yours, and there’s something new swirling through them, something you’ve never seen before.

A beat passes—too long—almost agonizing. His free hand lifts from your hip, gently cupping your cheek, fingers brushing against your skin, like he isn’t sure if he has the right to touch you like this. 

His thumb brushes your lip, his gaze flicking to your mouth before returning to your eyes, asking for permission, even though neither of you had ever really needed it before.

"Logan," you say, the sound a little breathless, unsure of how to navigate this sudden shift, but he doesn’t keep you waiting.

He closes the distance in a heartbeat, lips crashing into yours with a ferocity you didn’t expect.

It’s like the world around you falls away, leaving only the warmth of his lips, the taste of him, and the pressure of his body against yours. The raging storm outside dulling until it’s nothing but fuzzy background noise.

His kiss is rough, deep, urgent, but there’s something more in it, a slow unraveling. Like he’s trying to carve himself into you, a permanent mark, a reminder that he was here, even if he never says it out loud.

Logan tastes like rich smoke and whiskey, the sharp edge of him mixing with the sweet burn of need. It sends your head reeling, arms coming up to circle around his neck.

You can’t find the words to describe it, not with the way his fingers slide through the wetness gathering at your entrance, sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core.

Your hips thrust upward, begging for more, your body hungry for the release he’s just out of reach of giving.

“Want you inside me, Logan,” you moan desperately, slick lips brushing his with every word. “Please.”

Logan's body stiffens against yours at the sound of your pleading, his grip tightening on your cheek like he's trying to anchor himself in the reality of what you're asking.

“Shit,” he growls under his breath, his forehead pressing to yours as he closes his eyes. His chest heaves, the tension in his body palpable. "I—" he pauses, struggling to form the words, but you can see it in his eyes. He's conflicted, desperate, yet still hesitant.

You move against him, your body restless, your need undeniable, feeling the rigid outline of his hard cock pressed firmly against your thigh. A thick plane of heat that has your pussy clenching around the tips of his fingers.

You don’t want to push him, not anymore. But you’re past the point of waiting for permission.

Your lips meet his again, softer this time, coaxing, until he finally gives in, groaning against your mouth as he kisses you back with an intensity that steals your breath.

“I want to feel you,” you whisper, your hands trailing down to the hem of his shirt, pushing it over the swell of his pecs. 

His skin is hot under your fingertips, rough and familiar. Your fingers trail lightly across his chest, nails scratching through the salt and pepper hair dusted across his skin as you urge him closer.

“Just the tip,” Logan mutters under his breath, barely above a whisper. His voice hoarse, like he’s bargaining with himself. “Just to make you feel good, but that’s it, understand?”

You bite your lip, the edge of frustration gnawing at you. It’s not everything you need, not everything you want, but it's something. And right now, it’s enough.

You nod your head, hands already moving to the front of his jeans. You undo the button with shaking fingers, tugging the zipper down and pushing the worn denim away. 

His cock springs free, already hard, leaking with the same desperation you feel. You run your fingers along his length, feeling the heat of him, the steady throb of his pulse.

Logan peels down the thin layer of your shorts, cursing under his breath when he finds you completely bare underneath, your slick pussy shining under the dim light.

You watch him, chest heaving, as he stares down at you—his eyes dark and full of something primal, something raw.

“Fuck,” he breathes, his fingers tracing the outline of your wetness. He groans low in his throat, his thumb circling your clit once before moving down, dipping inside you just barely. “You’re perfect, baby.”

“Logan,” you whine, thighs spreading in a clear invitation. You patience is running exceedingly thin, your whole body alight with the feeling of a raging forest fire

“I know,” he mutters, placating. He takes the throbbing length of his cock in his hand, swiftly settling between your legs. “I know.”

The thick head drags through your folds, smearing pre-come along your skin and adding even more to the mess between your legs.

A quiet moan passes through your swollen lips, your muscles tightening as he slides himself along your clit. A slow back and forth movement that sends sparks shooting up your spine.

Logan grits his teeth, his breath shallow, as he finally aligns himself with your clenching hole. 

The air around you feels charged, a taut thread stretched between anticipation and restraint. You shift your hips slightly, just enough to encourage him, your eyes locked on his as you beg him silently with your gaze.

Then, with a low growl that vibrates through you, he pushes forward, just enough to make you gasp in relief, the head of his cock sliding home in your entrance.

And though it’s only the tip, the sensation of him inside you is enough to set your world alight. 

You can feel it, deep in your bones—the simmering, searing heat that makes everything else fade into the background.

Logan presses his lips to your forehead, his breath hot against your skin as he keeps his movements slow, deliberate, his hands holding your hips steady. "This is what you wanted, huh? Got you begging for it, honey," he growls softly. "Even if I’m only givin’ you a taste."

His hips roll languidly, staying true to his word and never sinking deeper than the thick head of his cock. His hand grips the base tightly, his fist fucking slow strokes over the length of himself to where he’s spreading your pussy open.

His scarred knuckles bump against your clit with every stroke, fanning the fire building in your lower stomach.

“Feel so fuckin’ good, honey,” he groans into the skin of your neck, the pace of his hips speeding up ever so slightly. “Feels like heaven.”

You claw at the skin of his back, touch wild and desperate. It takes everything in you not to shift your hips down, to sheath the rest of his cock deep inside your and lock your ankles around his back so he can never leave again.

Logan’s lips find your neck, teeth grazing your skin as he shifts against you. “Tell me you want this,” he says, his voice low, almost a command, yet laced with something tender. “Tell me you want me.”

You meet his gaze without hesitation, your voice steady despite the tremble in your chest. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” 

The words come out without thought, raw and honest, and you see something in his eyes shift—a flicker of relief, of something deeper than lust.

Logan groans like he got shot, his body shuddering above you as a low growl tears its way from his chest. He fucks into you faster, short, quick thrusts that steal all the breath from your lungs.

Sparks go off behind your closed eyes, bright white and glittering. You can feel yourself getting closer, your body trembling as you grind up against him, meeting him halfway, needing more, needing release.

“Logan,” you gasp, your hands gripping his shoulders harder, nails digging in. “I’m so close. Please—”

“Let go,” he growls, his pace increasing, his body pressing harder against yours. “Come for me, sweetheart.”

With his command, you unravel, the world spinning around you as the pleasure crashes over you, leaving you breathless, gasping for air, your body quivering beneath him as he holds you through it.

Logan follows, tearing himself from the tight grip of your pussy with a sharp jerk of his hips, your name falling from his lips like a prayer as he shoots thick ropes of come over your slick folds.

Your body shakes at the feeling, a breathless whimper pulled from your slack lips at the sticky warmth of his release.

He collapses onto the mattress next to you, his body shuddering enough to match your own. The room falls into a deep silence, the only sounds your mingling breaths and the distant sound of thunder.

A sick sort of dread bursts through the sweet afterglow of your hazy mind, settling in your stomach like a lead weight. You think that this is the moment where Logan will realize what you’ve done, that he’ll retreat back into himself and send you away.

Send you back to your own room and leave you to lay in the cold aftermath of your own recklessness.

You brace for it, the instinct to pull away, to protect yourself from his withdrawal, but it never comes. 

Instead, you feel his strong arm slide over your waist, pulling you closer, his body heat a stark contrast to the chill creeping in from the window.

His breath is warm against your neck as he shifts, his fingers tracing absent circles on your skin in a move that’s so endearingly human it has your chest aching.

"Stay here tonight?" he asks, his voice rough, almost a whisper.

Your heart clenches, tears burning at your waterline at the vulnerability of his tone. It breaks the dam inside you, relief and something dangerously close to love flooding your body in a bursting rush of water.

“Of course,” you murmur, your voice shaky.

Logan’s hand tightens around you, his thumb brushing over your ribs. He presses a soft kiss to the bare skin of your shoulder, settling onto the mattress with a slow breath.

You drift to sleep more relaxed than you’ve felt in years, even with the knowledge of the slow journey that lies ahead of you. It won’t be easy, it never is with Logan. You can’t find it in yourself to care.

Because even though the rain falls, the desert doesn’t bloom overnight. 

And neither do you.

tags are now in the comments! if you want to get tagged for any of my works just fill out this form!

[haologram]

araneae 🕸️ k.sy

🕸️ synopsis: when you realize your friend (with benefits) actually has feelings for you, a tangled web of lies and avoidance ensues.

🕸️ genre: friends with benefits au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers because it's the only trope ever ; ta x student dynamics ; fluff, angst & smut (surprise?)

🕸️ pairing: zoology ta!kwon soonyoung x marine biology major!reader | side pairings: joshua hong x sana minatozaki ; vernon chwe x roh jisun (fromis_9) ; lee chan x jung haerim (weki meki) | mentions of: reader x yuta nakamoto (nct) ; reader x lee sangyeon (the boyz); hoshi x lee luda (wsjn) ; hoshi x choi yujin (kep1er/clc)

🕸️ word count: 18.9k (WE GOT IT UNDER 20K LETS GOOOOOO!)

🕸️ rating: 18+. minors do not interact i beg.

🕸️ warnings: this definitely more of their dynamic/relationship than him being her ta… ; mentions of knife play (none involved), alcohol, pink whitney gets its own warning as does everclear, mentions of un/protected sex (dw it'll get freaky later), mentions of cum, loss of virginity talk, mentions of marijuana (stoner!hoshi be off the honeypacks!!), mentions of STD testing (GET TESTED YOU FREAKS!) [smut warnings: multiple scenes ; mostly hoshi using sex as an apology ; oral (f. receiving) ; unprotected sex (hoshi x reader only) ; face sitting ; hoshi is a hopeless romantic and loves missionary ; they fuck mostly in their respective homes (read: he eats her out in a closet)] i think that’s it! lmk if i missed anything!

🕸️ what to listen to: good kisser - usher ; magic stick - lil' kim ; lie - bts ; spider - hoshi ; home - seventeen.

🕸️ author’s note: just an fyi, the smut is AWFUL and i'm not entirely happy with this🤩 but anyway, it’s finally here, the final installment of the seventeen ta collab!! special thanks to @camandemstudios for allowing me to be a part of this wonderful success, and i hope to be involved in more collabs in the future (also thank you so much for your patience, i know waiting for me to be able to post was infuriating.) enjoy stoner!hoshi…loser!hoshi? loverboy!hoshi…also somewhat bitchless!hoshi.

LAST YEAR – Sunday, October 23.

You were never opposed to a nice Halloween party. Lots of thematic drinks, stupid boys dressed as Ghostface trying to explore knife kinks, and girls going all out with their glitter make-up and tinsel in their hair for the optimal fairy costume.

You loved a good Halloween party, music blasting out of the speakers that were stolen from the AV Club by the softer version of the Beta Tau Omega brothers. Dancing with strangers in sweat-soaked facades, and waking up with smeared face paint all over your neck and shoulders from whatever disguised hook-up you'd taken home that night.

Last night's rager had to have been one for the books, because you have no idea how you ended up in this absolute mess of a bedroom – owned by none other than your close friend, Kwon Soonyoung. The same Kwon Soonyoung who also happens to TA the class you've put off taking for the last two years, and are set to start taking the upcoming spring semester.

The same Kwon Soonyoung that was related to the wife of the Dean, and the same Kwon Soonyoung that showed up everywhere stoned or ready to get stoned. The very same Kwon Soonyoung that made infused pre-rolls and edibles for nearly the entire campus…for free. Even you could see that was a horrible business call, and you were a Science major.

Soonyoung who helped people sneak kittens into their dorm rooms and make homes for them under lofted beds. Soonyoung, who taught a dance class and self-defense class back to back, so he was never free until after nine at night. Soonyoung who made hanging out seem like he was trying to get into your pants because he was just naturally flirtatious (and somehow, still absolutely bitchless.)

Soonyoung who you've kissed twice since meeting him two years ago, both times at Halloween parties hosted by his stupid fraternity. Soonyoung, who has had his hand up your skirt twice before someone interrupts you by asking if he has any weed at hand. He always does, and it's always in his car or his bedroom. He always goes, and a part of you, no matter how into it you may be, knows it's for the best.

He keeps his circle small, of friends that is. You were added to the mix sometime after your first Halloween party (and first kiss together) your freshman year, when he slammed into you in the middle of the economics hallway, breaking your laptop in the process. He'd felt so bad he took you to Best Buy that same night and shelled out two grand for a new one and even invited you out to lunch the next day.

He did not remember making out at all. To be fair, neither did you until the digital photos came back and he texted you a picture of the two of you kissing against the Beta Tau Omega insignia on the wall. You were so embarrassed you avoided him for a week after, but he quickly forced you out of your dorm for a movie night. The two of you became fast friends, bonding over silly little things and enjoying each other's company – but it didn't stop the rumors from flying that you were a freshman stealing a guy from the sophomores.

You remember that he adamantly denied any and every dating rumor flung your way, and even went as far as distancing himself from you for a bit – but when you tried to pull the same move he had earlier that year, he said maybe it was best for the two of you to remain friends from a distance. You didn't speak to him for the rest of the year, choosing to spend your time with friends your age and even dating a transfer student named Yuta Nakamoto, who was also in Soonyoung's year.

When word got around, Soonyoung was pissed – but didn't attempt to rekindle your friendship. He still followed you on Instagram, and still felt a bit of anger puddle in his stomach as he liked photo after photo of the two of you together, biting his tongue at the empty smile you held by his side.

This continued well into summer, and he saw the two of you take a trip to Jeju Island together, before breaking up the following week. Soonyoung heard from your friend, Nagyung, that he was transferring back and neither of you wanted to try long-distance.

The following school year, he watched as you got recruited by sorority after sorority – eventually joining his frat's sister sorority, Alpha Sigma Delta. You hardly had to rush, the girls actively pushing you to pledge and you were far too nice to say no.

You saw him again for the first time at the Halloween party planning, when you and your fellow pledges were tasked with helping the frat pledges in hauling in liquor. You weren't very happy about it, but Soonyoung whisked you away without a word from you, telling everyone that he needed your help with a certain task.

That task?

"Can we talk?"

And you did. You talked, and talked, and talked. He even left at one point to get drinks for the two of you, returning to you fishing through his bag of pre-rolls for the ones infused with lemon balm. He smiled, telling you they were in his car, and you rolled your eyes at it.

You kissed at that party, too. It went further this time – the two of you on Seungcheol's balcony. The idea had been to go up to the roof and get crossed, but it seems a rather tipsy Soonyoung had other ideas. You didn't mind it, in fact you encouraged it – you slipped his hand up your latex dress, you let him slip your panties down your legs.

"Hey, Hoshi! Do you have any pre-rolls?!"

Just as he'd started undoing his pants.

"Fuck, I'm sorry baby."

"It's fine."

You passed out in his bedroom that time, too tired to go back to the sorority house with your sisters. You got out of clean-up, and Soonyoung left you a kimbap roll and an electrolyte drink on his nightstand, with a note asking how you got there 'haha.'

It hadn't been fine. Again, neither of you remembered this happening until digitals were printed. And it was freshman year all over again – except this time, Soonyoung stuck around. Soonyoung defended you tooth and nail, and even dropped a few of his friends that bad-mouthed you. When you asked him about it, he shrugged, "Nothing wrong with kissing your friends every once in a while."

So, here you are. Again.

The third year in a row you and your stupid friend have made out, and somehow, you're in his bed. There's no other explanation as for why your underwear is across the room, hanging off his lamp and why his head is gently laying on your chest. There's literally no other explanation.

"Soonyoung." You rasp, patting his cheek. He doesn't stir, but pouts into your bare breast. "Soonyoung." You speak louder, shaking him slightly as he peels open one of his eyes.

"Yeah?"

It takes him a moment to realize that it's you, sprinkled with glitter from his eye look last night and practically doused in his saliva.

"Oh, fuck." He just furrows his brows, rolling off your chest with a groan. He sits up at the edge of the bed, surveying the room before realizing he's got no pants on. "Son of a bitch. Did we…Yup. Yup, it's right there."

His painted fingernails point at the discarded condom atop his dresser, flung hastily in a half-asleep attempt, most likely. You sigh, letting your head fall back on your pillow with a hmph. He does the same, his fingers only reaching up slightly to close the blinds with a jerk of the liftcord.

"You think it was good?" You ask with a small smile, and he snorts. "It was with you, I doubt it would've been bad."

Silence permeates the air again, before he sees your bare bottom half also covered in glitter. You have a tattoo on your hip that you didn't have when you first met. It's a stick-and-poke kitten. "Nice tattoo."

"Thanks, I got it on Jeju Island."

"When you and Yuta went?"

"Yup."

"Cool."

He sits up, peering down at you with tired eyes. "What'd you see in that guy, anyway?"

"Hm?"

"Yuta."

"Oh. You want the truth?"

It's like being nude in front of each other isn't a big deal. It's like having slept together after years of being in limbo means nothing. It's all so normal, the way you allow him to practically eye fuck you.

"I was sad you stopped being my friend."

He blinks at you, watching the way you carefully pick at a thread loose in his comforter. You pull it out, discarding it behind you with a soft smile. "Does that answer your question?"

"You fucked another guy because I stopped being your friend?" He asks incredulously, and you shrug. "Not just, but it was a large reason."

"You lost your virginity to him." His eyes are wide, and you shrug once more, nodding your head.

"Yup."

"Did he make you cum?"

"Soonyoung-"

"Did he?"

You sigh, patting his comforter. "Not the first couple of times, no. He got better at it, though. It was decent."

Nodding, he clears his throat.

"Do you think I-"

"Maybe. I don't know. I don't remember much, just the Pink Whitney Mingyu gave me."

"Mingyu does love his Pink Whitney."

You flip onto your back again, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. Tucking your hands behind your head, you speak again. "Do you think I went down on you?"

"There's lipstick on my tip."

"What color?"

"Uhh…wine red."

You wipe a finger across your bottom lip, the small amount of residue a bloody, Cabernet red.

"Hm. Checks out."

The air feels…comfortable.

"Wanna shower?"

"Yeah."

"Can I shower with you?"

"Yeah, Soonie."

The two of you stretch simultaneously, before rolling to the side of the bed and standing up. He grabs the discarded condom off the dresser, holding it like a used tissue and taking it to the bin. You dig through his dresser for a towel, and he fishes out something for you to wear.

"Boxers okay?"

"Hm, I prefer briefs."

"On me or on you?"

"Your underwear choices are your business."

He holds up a pair of Spiderman briefs. You bite back your laugh and nod silently, extending your hand for them.

He disappears into his bathroom, flickering lights on and turning the shower head on. "Hot?"

"Boiling."

"Got it."

The both of you get in, and you close your eyes as the water pelts your back. Soonyoung says nothing as he moves your hair off your shoulders and away from your face, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"You should've asked me." He mumbles, reaching for the shampoo in the caddy behind you. Peeling your eyes open, you look up at him with a confused stare. "Asked you for what?"

He shrugs, holding the shampoo bottle upside down over his hand and squirting some out. "I would've made you cum the first time."

You snort, shoving his chest lightly. "Yeah, well…you didn't. It's fine."

"This isn't weird to you?"

"What? Showering together?"

"After fucking, yeah."

"Could be worse."

"How?"

"I could be that girl you've been flirting with since last year, wondering when you're going to text her back."

"Who? Yujin?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not flirting with her, what made you think that?"

"Stolen glances, flirty touches, you give her pre-rolls all the time."

He rolls his eyes as he cards his fingers through your hair, his dull nails scrubbing your scalp gently. Your eyes flutter shut, and he huffs. "I give everyone pre-rolls."

"Because you're a horrible business magnate."

"No, because I'm nice."

You smile without opening your eyes, your hands reaching out to touch his chest. His body feels good under your fingertips, you realize. "Are you mad you don't remember any of it?"

"Furious." He mutters, gently tilting your head back to wash the soap out. You can't see the way he's looking at the sweet slope of your neck, just barely making out small nips of his teeth across your throat. Your necklace hangs nicely.

The rest of the shower remains silent, as he carefully washes you before himself. His attention to detail is insane, the way his fingers hold the washcloth taut so he can feel every inch of you. He has to commit this to memory.

After, you're drying your hair with a random t-shirt he gave you. He remembers you told him that towels can be too rough for your hair texture sometimes. It's only when you're brushing your teeth with a brand new toothbrush he pulled from his cabinets that he speaks.

"Let me change my bedsheets."

"Don't wanna lay in the sin of fucking your friend, do ya?"

The navy blue sheets are quickly replaced by ones with light grey ditsy floral print, and his comforter is shoved off and replaced by a few throw blankets. He watches as you change his pillowcases, only looking away when he hears his phone ping.

Msg From: Cheol

[9:32am] hosh

[9:32am] who is the girl in ur room and is she missing a pair of cat ears

"What was your costume last night?" He asks, and you snort. "I was a sexy witch."

He smiles to himself as he picks up his phone.

Msg To: Cheol

[9:33am] not missing a pair of cat ears

[9:34am] and it's y/n

Your head snaps up when you hear a pair of feet thundering up the stairs, followed by silence. You give him an odd look, only to hear excited giggles down the hall and the pitter-patter of two adult men coming towards Soonyoung's room. You cross your arms as you hear the door creak open, an expectant look on your face as Jeonghan and Seungcheol's noses appear through the crack.

"Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Jeonghan remarks sweetly, and you just roll your eyes.

"He wasn't bluffing." He whispers to Seungcheol, receiving an annoyed huff from Soonyoung. "If you're done intruding on my personal business, I'd appreciate it if you left. The pledges still need to clean up last night's mess."

Jeonghan gives you a wry look. "Can I say something and you don't get upset?"

"If it's about sex, I will punch you in that pretty face of yours." You say pointedly, fluffing the pillow in your hand before throwing it onto his bed. Jeonghan purses his lips, nodding before sliding out from under Seungcheol. He nods his head, a satisfied look on his face. "Have a good…don't fuck too loud, okay?"

Soonyoung barely misses Seungcheol's face with the charger he throws across the room, his giggle being heard in the hallway as he barrels down the stairs.

"Idiots." He huffs, running a hand through his damp hair as you flop onto the bed. "You don't mind if I stay here a bit? My head's killing me."

He lays down next to you, a sigh escaping his lips.

"You okay, Soonie?"

Turning only his head, he scans your face. Tired eyes lined with thick lashes, plump lips covered by the Aquaphor in his bathroom. Slightly unkempt brows and your shoulder tattoo peeking out from the collar of his shirt on your frame.

"Kitty?"

You grimace at the pet name, one he christened you with when the two of you met. He'd been dressed up as a cowboy, and dancing with a skeleton that was stolen from the comparative anatomy students (with the help of Junhui, of course.) He also had a lit joint between his fingers, one that sprinkled ash over your newly healed shoulder tattoo and made you yelp in pain.

"Shit, I'm sorry, kitty." He quickly put it out in a nearby ashtray, dusting your shoulder of any ash residue. "It's fine, it's fine. Just…can I get a hit?"

"Yeah?"

He sits up, leaning against his bed frame before looking down at you.

"Would it be weird if I asked to try again?"

You glance up at him, an amused smile playing on your lips. "Try what again, exactly?"

He clears his throat, a beet red blush coating his cheeks. "You said Yuta didn't make you cum. And we don't know if I made you cum. So…can I have a redemption round?"

You've sat up at this point, a small laugh falling from your lips as you push your hair back, "You want to fuck me?"

"I can just go down on you, if, uh…if that's what you'd prefer." He stutters, mentally cursing himself. You glance at him, eyes scanning his face. "And we're still friends after this? You won't dump me?"

"I won't. I promise. Cross my heart, kitty." He holds his pinky finger out, insinuating you link yours. Sighing, you do just that. "Fine. Hop to, I want breakfast."

He moves to kiss you, but you give him yet another amused look. "What are you doing, Soonie?"

"...Kissing you?" He gives you a confused look, and you scoff out a laugh. "You said nothing about kissing, Kwon."

He gapes at you, "How am I supposed to connect our auras if we don't kiss? I can't get hard if I don't get kissed, you know. I can't properly engage with… her, if you don't let me kiss you." He sits back on his haunches, explaining each point to you. You bite back your laughter, nodding along.

"Sculptors start from scratch, Soonyoung. I am art, awaiting your expert touch." You shrug as he finishes his spiel, and he furrows his brows. "Fine."

Sinking down to his stomach in front of you, ringed fingers palming at your thighs. You sigh, sucking your teeth as he noses at your skin, placing kisses on your stomach.

You scoot back slightly, resting your back against his headboard. He looks up at you as you roll your eyes, beckoning him forward with your hand as you shimmy out of the stupid Spiderman briefs. "Make it fast."

"Won't take me that long, anyway." He mumbles, pushing his hair out of his face before placing a chaste kiss on your exposed slit. "How do you like it? Just tongue? Messy?"

"Whatever you want, though I'm not super into fingering at the same time." You shrug, your own carding through his shaggy locks and holding him in place. He smirks against your skin, "Don't need them."

His tongue swirls carefully around your clit, the motion far too practiced to be out of the ordinary for him. He leans into your soft gasp, the gentle buck of your hips enough to help him bury his face into your wet heat. "Spit on it." You whisper, and he does just as you ask.

The taste is tart and heady, spreading around his tongue and chin as he expertly sucks on your swollen bundle of nerves. His eyes are closed as he sloppily collects your arousal, your whines growing frustrated as he holds your hips down. "F-Faster, Soonie."

He rolls his eyes, annoyed at your inability to relax as he obnoxiously moans against you, the vibrations making you squirm. "You're so mean." You pout, feeling him smile into you. He shrugs, closing his eyes before returning to his ministrations.

He feels you shift, peeling open an eye to see your hand under your shirt, rolling your nipple through your fingers with your lip tucked between your teeth. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, using your ankle to pull you down to his level. Your eyes shoot open the moment his hands are on the hem of your (his) shirt, tugging it over your head. You're pliant, agreeing with whatever he wants to do when you feel him grab your face gently, "Can I kiss you?"

You can't bite back your smile, making him roll his eyes as he leans in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. You feel your stomach buzz a bit, feeling his half-hard cock through his boxers pressed against you. You cant your hips up softly, earning a hiss as he nips at your bottom lip.

"Thought you said you can't get hard without kissing, Soonie. Tsk, tsk." You mock him, before your fingers reach for the waistband of his boxers, snapping the elastic against his skin.

"Take them off."

He snaps his head up to look at you, eyes wide as your hand dips below the waistband, gently wrapping around his length. He sighs at your touch, before pushing the underwear down his legs with his free hand. He reaches for the nightstand, digging out the box of condoms – empty.

"Fuck." He mutters, and you turn to see the empty box being flicked across the room. "Are you clean?" You ask with a click of your tongue, and he reaches in the same drawer and pulls out a folded piece of paper, handing it to you with a blush across his cheeks.

"A week ago." He whispers, and you shrug, tossing the results – all of which were negative – to the floor and smiling up at him. "Well, go on. You have a task to complete, Kwon."

"Are you sure?" He's talking to himself, dragging the tip of his cock through your wet folds, a soft whine from your lips as he circles your clit with his thumb. "Hurry up before I change my mind and tell everyone you can't make a girl cum."

Your threat is empty, he knows – but you see the way he rolls his eyes, easing the head of his cock into your aching hole. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, your fingernails digging into his back as he slowly bottoms out.

"Fuck." He mutters into your shoulder, before sinking his teeth into your skin and giving a slow thrust. A choked moan from your lips is his reward, as he sets a slow pace and drags his teeth across your chest. Your nails drag down his back gently as his tongue swirls around your nipple, making you whimper.

"Soonie.." Your whine is cut off by his hand across your mouth. "Don't, I'll cum." He admits against your chest, making you snort slightly. Your hand wraps around his wrist, pulling it off your mouth as you lean up to capture his lips in yours. It's sloppy but you don't care, feeling him roll his hips into yours slowly as your tongue slips into his mouth.

His whine into your mouth is nothing if not pitiful (read: hot.) Your laugh slips out as he readjusts his hold on you, folding your legs to your chest and fucking into you deeper. The new angle makes you let out a choked moan, his lips dragging along your jawline as he bullies his cock into you. 

It's almost like you can feel pride seeping through his pores as you whine into his skin, feeling his lips curl into a smile against your shoulder as he bites down softly. You're sure he's determined to ruin you for anyone else, his hand slipping between the two of you to toy with your clit.  The mix of sounds in his bedroom is obscene, but nothing is more embarrassing than the two of you jumping simultaneously when someone bangs on his door. Your hand flies over your mouth as they shout for you two to keep it down, making Soonyoung laugh, the tips of his ears turning pink as you clench around him. Your tummy starts to fill with warmth, the band threatening to snap as he peels your hand off your mouth for a searing kiss.

It's enough for the two of you to whimper, your fingers moving to curl into his hair, feeling the white-hot heat of your orgasm coursing through your body. He groans into your lips, and you can feel him fighting himself as he pulls out, his cum painting the stupid kitty tattoo on your hip.

The two of you are silent as you regain your composure, the room filled with soft pants as you brush your hair off your face. He clears his throat, and you almost instinctively roll your eyes as his question breaks the tension.

"On a scale of one to ten–" "I am not rating your stroke game, this is not RateMyDick.com."

His face buries into your neck, his breath warm against your skin as he scoffs out a laugh. Your fingernails trail lightly along his neck, his lips pressing soft kisses to your shoulders before he pushes off you.

"Pancakes?" He tilts his head, making you snort. "Are you paying?" "Fuck no, we can make Cheol buy." He scoffs, and you laugh fully this time. "Do you think Cheol feels like buying me the greasiest patty melt he can find?" "Whatever you want, kitty." He kisses the tip of your nose, making you scrunch it while pushing his head away. "That tickles, stop. Now get off me, I feel the need to spend Cheol's trustfund on food that will knock me out." He just smiles as he lifts himself off you, sliding off the bed in the direction of his bathroom. You can't help but feel a bit of anxiety pool in your lower belly, hearing the faucet running slowly before he reappears. You quickly smile, "You okay?" "Are you?" He echoes, his hand reaches for your thigh as he wipes you down gently with a damp washcloth. "Yeah, m'fine." He doesn't look convinced, giving you a raise of his brows as he tosses the washcloth to the side, offering his hand to help you sit up. When you do, he grabs the shirt you'd been wearing and carefully pulls it over your head – and if he feels the willful stare of your eyes on him, he says nothing about it.

"Are you having regrets?" He murmurs, reaching for the underwear he let you borrow. You sigh inwardly, shaking your head. "No. Just…it's silly."

"It's not silly, whatever it is you're feeling. We're friends, kitty. You can tell me." He shrugs, helping you up off the bed and leading you to the bathroom. "You're not gonna watch me pee, are you?" You tease, and he snorts.

"Do you want me to?" "Get out." He does. He shuts the door behind him, leaving the briefs on the sink. You sigh quietly, willing the negative thoughts away. You don't regret it, no – but it feels like your slight game of cat-and-mouse has ended. He's caught you, sunk his teeth into you and now you're dead.

You reach for the briefs, pulling them over your ankles and up to your knees while you sit. You hear him rustling around, before hearing the door to his room open and shut. A wave of sadness flows over you, and you wonder if he really meant it. That he wouldn't leave this time – he hadn't last year, after he took your underwear off in Seungcheol's room (and stuffed the pair of pink panties in his pocket – something you never heard the end of when Jeonghan found out they were yours.) Sighing once more, you finish your business, tossing the toilet paper in the can and amp yourself up as you wash your hands. "No big deal, Y/N. Friends fuck all the time. Right?" You hear the door to his room open again, and you turn the water off, shaking the excess water off your hands as you open the bathroom door. He glances up at you, holding a tray with a pitcher of water and electrolyte packets.

"You like watermelon, right? It's the only flavor we have left."  He says, and you nod quietly. "Yeah, that's fine."  

Flopping back onto his bed, you cover your bottom half with one of the throw blankets as he portions out the electrolytes. You reach over and open his nightstand drawer, fishing through for his Advil.

"Bottoms up." He hands you your glass, and you pop open the cap. "Yum, ibuprofen electrolyte cocktail." You mutter, shoving two in his hand before popping your own in your mouth.

The two of you clink glasses before chugging, mirroring each other's grimaces as you finish the liquid. He scrunches his nose, sliding the glass on the nightstand before laying back and moving like a worm to slide in next to you.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks, grabbing his phone from in between the blankets and opening the Doordash app. You don't respond, opting to pull the blanket a little higher as you rest your head on his shoulder. He scrolls through mindlessly, before finding your favorite breakfast spot. The two of you found it during the summer, when neither of you went home and decided to take summer classes. You wound up taking Seungcheol's room while he went home with his girlfriend.

You don't like the wave of sadness you feel suddenly.

He's your friend. One could even say he's one of your best friends. What if this was a mistake?

You feel tears prick at your eyes.

"Can you hold me?" You murmur, and he doesn't even stop to think as he shuts his phone off and pulls you into him, his hand curling into the nape of your neck. His fingernails are lightly scratching at your scalp as he wraps himself around you, allowing you to snuggle into his chest. "I'm scared, Hosh."

You can't hold back the sniffle at that, but you can feel him tuck you further into his embrace. "I won't leave. I promise, I promise you I won't leave." He whispers, and you can hear the waver in his voice. He tries to mask it, pressing soft kisses to your hairline.

"What if this ruins our friendship?" You ask thickly, and you can feel him shake his head above you. "It won't. I won't let it. We can't let it."

He pulls back, his thumb coming to wipe under your eyes carefully. "I don't think I ever told you what I did when we stopped talking that year." "No," You laugh softly, reaching up to wipe his own face. "You didn't." "I slept with like six people that year." He scrunches his nose, before his eyes go wide. "No, five and a half."

"Half?" You question, and he nods. "Does it count? Like, if she went down on me but then her roommate walked in on us and she was too embarrassed to keep going?" "I think so?" "Okay, so six." "You're a slut." "Sue me, I was filling a void." He scoffs, and you just shake your head at him. "You could've just talked to me."

If he’s aware of your hypocrisy, he says nothing. "I am a flawed man, kitty. I have too much pride to admit my mistakes." He sighs, pushing your hair out of your face. "Yet here we are." You say pointedly, making him roll his eyes.

"Anyway, I don't regret this…us." He gestures between the two of you, before clearing his throat. "But, we don't have to speak about it, like, ever again if you do. It'll be like it never happened." Sighing, you roll onto your back, still pressed tightly against his torso. "That never works. I mean, Cheol and Hannie know, now, too." You scrunch your nose a bit at the idea of your friends' relentless teasing awaiting, but he shrugs. 

"Cheol owes me for that time I helped him replace his bed frame after Sowon broke it. I still can't believe they're dating, but it makes their chaos like, ten times worse." He groans, and you snicker. "Are we sure it wasn't Seungcheol who broke it? Last I heard, he's a freak." "He probably did, he had a bit of bruising around his wrists and there were cuffs attached to the bedposts." He says pointedly, before the two of you glance at each other quickly.

"No." He tongues his cheek to stop himself from smiling. "I didn't say anything." "You're thinking about it, Soonyoung. Stop it." "You literally let me cum on you."

You grimace up at him, and he snorts. “Sorry.”

“Just order the food, my stomach is about to start eating itself.” You roll your eyes, smacking him when you both feel his phone buzz. He grabs it, and you once more feel your stomach sink.

Msg From: choi yujin [10:49am] hey hoshi…r u busy? can i come over?

“Yikes.” He mutters, and you push the covers off. “I can go—”

“Shut up. Lay down.” He yanks your arm, making you fall back onto the pillows as he messages her back with one hand.

Msg From: choi yujin [10:50am] i am yeah [10:51am] let’s set a date to talk

“What if she wants to dump you?” You ponder aloud, watching as he reopens the Doordash app and adds your food to the cart. He shrugs, selecting an order of french toast. “Then she dumps me. I should care, right?” 

You just snort, making him smile inwardly as he wraps his arm around you. 

The two of you let your eyes eat, ordering little things and ignoring messages from Yujin. You feel bad, really, because Yujin is a sweet girl and your friend is a bit of an airhead at times.

“I’ll go get it when it’s here.” He yawns, stretching slightly and rebounding to wrap himself around you. “Or, we can bribe Mingyu with that order of eggs benedict we did not need to order.”

“Ha, true.” He nods, shooting a text to the man before tossing his phone behind him. “And kitty?”

“Yes, Soonie?”

“Thank you for trusting me.”

You glance down at him, noting the way his eyes are slightly heavy. You hold in your sigh — carding your fingers through blond locks. “Any time, Soonie.”

PRESENT DAY — November 4th.

Unfortunately (for your achey, breaky heart) — Soonyoung took ‘any time’ literally.

You’d gone home later that afternoon, reluctantly prying yourself from Soonyoung’s arms and wiping a bit of syrup from his french toast off your lip. Not at all put there from him kissing you.

No way.

The two of you had fallen into a bit of a lockstep — he’d decided to add another semester to his schedule, admitting he felt overwhelmed by his classes. You were just happy you’d have your friend around for a bit longer, and most of the other frat brothers felt the same.

However, with great sacrifice comes great responsibility — Soonyoung had a lot of free time, and you were only taking four classes a semester as it was. He would come over to your room at the sorority house, bring you dinner and help you study, and somehow the two of you would end up on your bed with his tongue between your legs. Or with his dick in your throat. Or, a fancier third option — turning the stereo on and fucking like rabbits.

Your housemates learned to hate Novacane by Frank Ocean.

But without fail, this happened at least once a week. Neither of you mentioned it after, with him leaving the next morning with a chaste kiss to your lips and a murmured have a good day, kitty. 

Your sorority sisters grew curious, and you admitted to them that the two of you were just fucking around. When word of this got around — because humans love to gossip — Soonyoung came over and the two of you sat down to discuss the dynamics of your…situationship.

And nothing changed.

The two of you admitted to each other that it was odd to behave like this. You were the first to confess that it helped you get your mind off things when you were stressed, to which he agreed. It ended with the two of you agreeing to resort to these meetups once or twice a week — and with him fucking his dick into you so slowly, you cried.

Granted, these meetups did not stop over the summer. Neither of you went home, once more opting to stay on campus for summer courses. This time, though — most of the brothers had gone home, and the two of you could not keep your hands off each other. You reminded yourself to still have to apologize to Chan for fucking in his room.

Not that Soonyoung didn’t already take the brunt of Chan’s wrath, but it was beyond you now.

This being said, your tradition of fucking around on Halloween had been upheld this year — but to the point where when you arrived, Mingyu did not offer you his bottle of Pink Whitney because Soonyoung had gotten you your own. You’d laughed, and Mingyu pouted as the two of you drank together.

Soonyoung found you a little after midnight, and you were barely tipsy when he whispered in your ear, asking if you wanted to go up to the roof. You nodded, putting your cowgirl hat on a rather mopey Mingyu — linking your pinkies with Soonyoung’s as he pulled you upstairs.

The two of you hadn’t seen each other much that week, because you had midterms. He offered you a hit of his joint before grabbing your jaw gently and using it as leverage to kiss you.

That night felt different — he took a bit longer to take your clothes off, he kissed you all over. Not that he didn’t normally do that, but it seemed as though he was trying to absorb you fully. You blamed it on the weed, but let him worship you on the roof of his frat house. 

You’d been on top for most of it — he doesn’t usually prefer it that way, Soonyoung was a missionary man through and through. You had noticed his glassy eyes as he ran his hands all over your body, and you asked him twice if he was okay. He nodded, kissing you both times before flipping you onto your back. He’d carried you back down to his room after you finished, locking his door behind him and running a shower for the two of you.

It gave you déjà vu.

That was a week ago. You hadn’t seen Soonyoung since, but a part of you didn’t mind the space. You’d felt a bit more that night, but you just blamed it on the Pink Whitney.

“Hey, pretty.” You look up, seeing Minghao walking towards you with a bag in his hand. The two of you had this study session in the back corner of the library every few days, but neither of you cared to admit that it was just an excuse to gossip together and watch America’s Next Top Model.

“Hey, Hao. How’re you?” You ask coolly, before making a show of opening your laptop and opening Hulu, pressing on ANTM and lowering the volume to mute. He snorts, opening the bag and sliding your portion on the table. “I’m good, pretty. However, I do have some intel from a little bird.”

He looks at you pointedly, and you scoff as you open your food. Inhaling deeply, you sigh before stabbing your fork into the pasta. You shrug, “Okay. What’s your intel?”

“That you and Hoshi fucked on the roof, and there’s photos of you making out.” He bites into a breadstick, and you roll your eyes. “There have been photos of us making out every year. This is nothing new.”

“I’m just saying. None of the photos in years past have had his hands under your shirt so shamelessly.” He shrugs, and you furrow your brow. “Hands under my shirt??”

You had worn a latex halter top. You’d never taken it off, and he’d only moved it aside when the two of you were on the roof to get a full view. “Yeah, you were a sexy cop, right? It’s all over the stupid underground site.”

You glance at him, wiping cream sauce off your lip. “I was a cowgirl, Minghao. I even put my hat on Mingyu.”

His eyes are wide as he chews, before his brows furrow and he gestures at the laptop.

You pause the muted show, shoving your fork into your plate before typing in the website. BetaTOU.com had been a domain purchased by the frat president from twelve years ago so they could share photos without being bitched at by the university. It was also a forum for complaints and suggestions. Everything was neatly kept and tagged with dates to stay organized, and if you wanted any photos taken down they were removed within the hour.

You scroll carefully, eyeing every photo of the frat brothers posted from last week. Mingyu wearing your hat is amongst the first few, and a back shot of you and Soonyoung with your pinkies linked walking up the stairs is right after it. You know it’s you, you can see the bracelet he gave you for your birthday dangling on your wrist.

You keep scrolling — Minghao doing a keg stand, Chan and Seokmin playing beer pong (and Chan getting Iced by Jihoon), and Vernon making out with two girls at once. Slut.

You begin to nibble on your fingernails as you scroll further, finally landing on a photo of Soonyoung and Yujin making out in front of one of the bathrooms at the Beta Tau house. You scoff out a laugh, her hat on his head and his hands, yup, under her shirt.

“Sexy cop, meet a big, fat liar.” You scowl, closing the laptop and jerking back in your chair, pulling your knees up to balance your takeout plate on. Minghao peers at you, watching as you angrily shovel pasta into your mouth. “Slow down, pretty. You’ll choke and I don’t know first aid.”

Shaking your head, “We literally fucked that night, Hao. That had to have happened before, because I literally showered and spent the night in his room.” 

If he notes the hurt in your voice, he doesn’t mention it. He sighs instead, shaking his head before his hand finds your limp one in your lap. “Are you guys exclusive?”

“No.” You answer quickly, trying to shrug it off as he squeezes your hand lightly. “Don’t do that, obviously you have feelings for him, Y/N.”

“I do not.” You refute. “And even if I did, there are too many negative factors to being in a relationship with him.”

“Like what?” Minghao rolls his eyes, making you scoff.

“Like the fact that he hasn’t spoken to me all week? Like the fact that he’s a whore?” You say all of this like it’s common knowledge, and Minghao gives you an amused look.

“Not as much as Vernon.”

“Not relevant, Hao.”

Minghao shrugs, sitting back as he tears another piece of his breadstick off. You pout, letting go of his hand the moment you hear your phone buzz on the table. Reaching for it, you hand it to Minghao without a second glance.

“It’s Hoshi.”

“Read it and let me know if I should answer.”

Msg From: Soonyoung 🐯🩷

[4:32pm] kitty [4:34pm] please don’t be upset [4:35pm] can we talk? i can swing by the house tonight?

You roll your eyes, hating the way your nose burns as tears gather in your eyes.

Okay. You weren’t dumb.

You knew you’d catch feelings eventually. It was inevitable — Soonyoung was a good fuck, of course, but…something was different. He was sweet, he was doting and attentive. He soon learned your favorite flavor of electrolytes were never ones the frat kept in stock because Mingyu finished them all, so he bought you your own stash for his bedroom. He invited you to the dance class he taught, urging you to go and watch him dance to Fergalicious with the older women who lived in your college town.

Grimacing at your inner monologue, you reach for your phone from Minghao.

Msg To: Soonyoung 🐯🩷 [4:38pm] why would i be upset [4:39pm] and no, i’ve got things i need to do tonight. sorry.

“The guy is definitely gonna agonize over this tonight.” Minghao mentions, making a smoking motion with his fingers. It makes you crack a smile, and you turn your phone on silent before opening the laptop again, switching back to your show and pressing play.

The two of you avoid your Advanced Calculus work on the table, watching as students file in and out of the library — most of them eyeing your plates of takeout before finding a seat.

You can’t help but think about the photo of Soonyoung and Yujin. You’d never had anything against Yujin, and you never would — it made no sense to resent her when Soonyoung is the one who owed you loyalty.

Not that he actually did, anyway — the two of you were not exclusive. You’d been the one to bring it up. He simply set that in place, sending you his STD panel results every few weeks. 

You didn’t have to do the same. You didn’t fuck anyone but him.

Minghao walks you home, the two of you filling the air with chatter of missing Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua. The three had graduated, but had come to the Beta Tau Halloween party to visit. All in tow with their girlfriends, of which Joshua’s was still a student at the University and a part of your sorority — Sana Minatozaki.  

“Can we do Thai next week? I know your birthday is on Thursday, and I’m sure you don’t wanna spend it with me.” You snort as you reach the front of the house, seeing Momo and Yerin sitting on the steps with ice cream in their hands. They wave at Minghao, who waves back.

“Nonsense, pretty. It’s a Thursday and I’m tired of parties.” He yawns, stretching slightly. You snicker, giving him a one-armed hug as you bid your goodbye. He doesn’t leave as you trek up the stairs, greeting your sorority sisters as you yank open the front door.

Sighing, you let a bit of emotion take over as a few tears trickle down your face. You jog up the stairs, slipping your sweater off and hanging it on the coat rack by the handrail on the third floor. You wipe at your face, annoyed at the sinking feeling of your heart as you toe your shoes off, shoving them on the shelf by the coat rack.

“Shower. That’s what I need.” You murmur, heading down the hallway to your room. Your door is slightly ajar, but you figure one of your sisters must’ve gone in to borrow something. You get closer, flinging the door open when you reach it and seeing Soonyoung sitting at the foot of your bed with a bag in his hands.

You blink at him, noting the redness in his ears as he takes you in. Neither of you speak, and he watches as you slide your bag into your desk chair, unpacking your belongings onto your desk where they usually go. He stares as you take a sip from your water bottle, before leaning against your desk, arms crossed.

“I can explain.” He starts, and you tongue your cheek. “Explain what? Maybe why you’re in my bedroom? I did say I was busy, Soonyoung.”

“Don’t do that, don’t be mad.” He whines at the sound of his name, and you furrow your brows. “I’m not mad, dude. What are you on?”

“It was a mistake, okay? I was looking for you and she—” You cut him off with a hand in the air, the words you know he hates to hear slipping from your lips.

“We’re not exclusive, Soonyoung. You can kiss whoever you want, you can fuck whoever you want. As long as you keep getting tested and it comes back clean, I don’t care.” You lie through your teeth, and he stands, putting the bag on your desk. You see his hands clench slightly around nothing as they reach his sides.

“I’m still sorry.” He murmurs, and you roll your eyes. Shaking your head, you begin to slip your shirt over your head. “I’m gonna shower. Feel free to stay, or go. I don’t care.”

“Okay.” He flops back on your bed, and you walk into your bathroom silently. Turning the water on, you strip and step inside, basking in the heat of the steam.

What were the two of you really doing? He was going to be the teacher’s assistant in your Zoology class next semester. You couldn’t really risk people thinking you were fucking him for your grades — it would put both of you at risk.

Professor Kwon was also a notoriously absent teacher, with her TAs from the past saying she was rarely in class. However, complaints resulted in simply receiving a large sum of money from her at the end of the year — and you found out through Soonyoung that Professor Kwon was married to the Dean.

And how does Soonyoung know that?

Professor Kwon is his aunt. She trusted that Soonyoung would be able to take over the class because he wasn’t particularly squeamish, and she knew all about his bad habit of sneaking stray kittens into dorm rooms. And his bad habit of being high as fuck — not that she was any better, though her vice was vacations, not weed.

He was smart, Soonyoung. You knew he was — his transcript was full of advanced math and science classes, and you saw one B in the extensive packet. Yes, a packet. 

He took Zoology last year, even if it wasn’t part of his major. When you think of it, you don’t even really know what his major is — he just does whatever for the sake of it. It’s like he’s only really here to be entertained — and you don’t blame him.

Your passion for animals is also something that brought you and Soonyoung together. While he cared about the ones in the more vegetative biodomes — savannahs, tropical rainforests…the like. You, on the other hand, were one with the water — you loved fish, cephalopods, crustaceans. You had a small angelfish tattoo on your ankle, one Soonyoung constantly kissed if you were in missionary.

The two of you bonded over documentaries, even if the night ended with the two of you fooling around. You remember the night you watched Aliens of The Deep — you tied him to your radiator because he wouldn’t stop grinding his dick against your ass. You fucked him after, sure, but James Cameron deserved to have his documentary cherished.

Wringing your hair out of excess water, you step out of the shower, grabbing your towel off the rack and wrapping it around yourself. Opening the door, you see Soonyoung lying on your bed with his eyes closed, earphones plugged into his phone. As you lean closer, you hear a song reminiscent of Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry.

Snorting, you nudge his leg with your foot, making him peel his eyes open. He pulls out one of the earphones, “Yes?”

“What are you doing? Why are you listening to Fergie?” You ask, moving past him to rummage your dresser for underwear. He sighs, “Because I feel bad.”

“Soonyoung, you kissed Yujin. It’s not the end of the world.” You say pointedly, feeling him get up and crowd your space. You feel his lips press to your damp shoulder, “You say that, but I feel like I betrayed you or something.”

Scoffing, you turn, tucking the corner of your towel under your armpit. “You fuck plenty of other girls. Why is kissing Yujin any different?”

“I only kiss you.” He says, making you roll your eyes. “I’m supposed to believe you?”

“Yes. I only kiss you when we fuck. I only kiss you in general. I don’t kiss the other girls, not that there have been many since this started.” He states matter-of-factly, and you struggle not to roll your eyes again. “You send me your STD results every few weeks, Soonyoung. That means there are other girls.”

“There hasn’t been for a few months. I just get tested regularly because it’s a habit. And they give me free condoms and lube so I save money.” He shrugs, making you scoff out a laugh.

“Soonyoung—”

“Stop, I don’t like it when you call me that.”

You eye him, “That’s your name.” 

He shakes his head, “Not to you, it’s not. You only call me that when you’re mad.” His fingers push your hair off your face, and it takes all your willpower not to lean into his touch. He notices your internal struggle, curling his fingers around the shell of your ear, playing with your piercings carefully.

“I don’t want you to see other people.” He blurts, making your eyes go wide before you furrow your brows. Crossing your arms across your chest, you frown. “You see other people.”

“Then punish me for it. I’ll even let you tie me to the radiator again.” He’s flushing beet red, his hand now toying with a loose thread on your towel. It’s oddly reminiscent of your first (or…second) time together. “I’ll even leave you alone for a few weeks, if you want. I won’t fuck anyone else, either.”

You feel a bit taken aback at his offers, knowing that Soonyoung wouldn’t bring any of it up if he didn’t truly feel as though he’d wronged you. “Soonyoung, I really mean it. I’m not upset.”

You’re lying, but you also know his form of apologizing is just way too sincere. You can’t, in good faith, let him simmer in the guilt any longer. Probably why he didn’t speak to you for a week.

He doesn’t reply, opting to glance at the corner of your towel. He reaches for it, his eyes meeting yours as if asking for permission. You blink in response, untucking the towel on your own accord. He hesitates as his knuckles brush the skin of your hips, making you shiver. The towel drops as he leans in to kiss you, and you notice you don’t mind the slightly chapped lips.

He kisses you deeply, like he wants you to know his innermost feelings. His arm circles around your waist, pulling you flush to him as his other hand holds your face gingerly. “I’m sorry, kitty.” He murmurs against your lips, not bothering to allow you to respond as he reconnects your lips, walking backwards towards your bed.

His knees hit the edge of the bed, and he sits, pulling you onto his lap. The soft material of his sweatpants tented up around his cock, brushing against your center as you lean the two of you back, his back hitting your comforter. He maneuvers the two of you fully onto the bed, his head resting against your pillows as you lick into his mouth. His fingers circle your upper thighs, urging you to lift yourself up.

“What’s wrong?” You scan his eyes, feeling him push you further, your hands now on either side of his head. “I wanna show you how sorry I am. Sit on my face, suffocate me.”

You hadn’t done this yet. He’d asked in sessions past, but you’d been a bit hesitant. “What about you, though? I don’t—”

“Don’t worry about me.” He kisses you softly again, fingers tapping the backs of your thighs to urge you higher. “Are you sure?”

“If I die, I die happy.” He shrugs, and you sigh as you inch up, before grabbing your headboard for moral support. You sink down slowly, feeling his nose bump your clit slightly. You hover for a moment, hearing him sigh before pulling you down the rest of the way.

His tongue is flat against your pussy, making you shiver and clench around nothing. He licks at you with precision, gathering your arousal before wrapping his lips around your clit with a soft suck. You bite back a whine, your hips grinding against his face involuntarily. He moans against you, digging his dull nails into your hips.

You continue rocking against him, soft moans from your lips as he eagerly takes whatever you give him. Your fingers card through his hair, tugging gently as you feel the heat start to pool in your belly. His hand wanders up, skilled fingers rolling your nipple between them at the same pace of your clit being swirled by his tongue.

“Soonie—” You whimper, canting your hips a little faster as he runs his hands all over your body, groaning against your pussy. Your thighs clench around his head as you cum, feeling slightly overstimulated as his tongue fucks into you slowly. You try to get up, but your shaky legs betray you as Soonyoung pulls you back down, the slurping sound from his mouth obscene as you twitch in his hold. “S’too much…”

Pushing his head back, you pry yourself out of his hold, shakily settling yourself next to him. You take a glance at him, his eyes closed as the back of his hand wipes his mouth. “Am I forgiven?”

“You were never in trouble, Soonie.” You roll your eyes, flopping your head against his shoulder. He scoffs, “You’re my best friend. I’m pretty sure I can tell when you’re upset with me.”

Hearing you huff, he knows he’s right. He smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You don’t need to finish?” You murmur, eyeing the strain of his cock against his sweatpants.

He shakes his head, “I don’t deserve it right now. I hurt you, and that was shitty of me.”

You sigh. “So what does this mean?”

“It means I want to be exclusive. You’re the only girl I hang out with, anyway.” He shrugs, a pained look on his face as adjusts himself in his pants. You feel some guilt settle in your stomach at this, and you shake your head. “I don’t think we should keep doing this, actually.”

He glances down at you, before you sit up and slide off your bed. You move back to your dresser, digging out random clothes and pulling them on as he stares.

“What?”

“I want to focus on school.” You wince as the sentence slips past your lips. It wasn’t a lie, you did want to — but it was also because he’d be your TA next semester. Better to cut the cord now than continue to put yourselves at risk of being found out.

“So you’re…what? Are we still friends?”

You look over at him, an obviously hurt expression on his face as he brings his knees to his chest. “Of course we’re still friends, Soonie.”

He nods, tonguing his cheek as he stands up. “Sure thing. I’m sorry if my expectations made you uncomfortable.” His smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he grabs his shoes at the door, and you blink at him.

“You’re not…You’re leaving?” You gape, and he gives you a quizzical look. “What, did you want to cuddle?”

It doesn’t have any malice behind it. His tone is level, it’s friendly. But you can’t help and feel a bit small at his words. He gives you a curt nod. “I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

And he closes the door behind him. You scoff out a breath, feeling a tear spill down your cheek as you run your hands through your hair. It’s still damp at the roots, and you just shake your head to yourself as you remember the bag he set on your desk.

You click your tongue at it, before ripping it open. It’s a Jellycat octopus in blue and a handmade card. It has doodles of fish all over it in colored pencil, and an angelfish holding a badly drawn tiger in the corner. You open it to see his handwriting messily scrawled across the cardstock.

Hi, Kitty.

I assume by this point you’ve seen the photos on BTOU, and I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding you all week. I saw them on Wednesday morning right when I was going to leave to ask if you wanted to get breakfast with me, so I made the dumbass decision to just ghost entirely. It was an asshole move and I’m sorry.

I did want to talk to you, though. And it’s totally fine if you don’t agree, I just figured I’d give it a shot?

The two of us are…relatively close. I mean, I can’t think of anyone I trust more than you…you’ve seen me in various stages of my life. Uhm, I’m not ready for a relationship but I’m also unsure if we’re on the same page about that, so I wanted to ask if we could, for the rest of the year, make this an exclusive…situation? I don’t see other people and neither do you?

I guess that’s like dating. We can talk about it more in person, if you want. Maybe we can come to a consensus and I don’t know. But you get me, right? You always get me.

Anyway. I’m sorry. And I hope you’ll accept this card and the little octopus guy as a token of my sincere appreciation for you. I named him Inky Minaj, but feel free to change it.

Yours (hopefully),

Hoshi ♡🐯

You don’t realize you’re crying until you see a tear drop right onto his doodle of a tiger next to his name. The octopus stares back at you, and you sniffle as you put it on your bed.

This is for the best. It has to be. Kwon Soonyoung cannot like you and you cannot like him.

January 13th.

“Hello, everyone! I am Professor Kwon, and this is Zoology!”

The dreaded class was finally here.

You and Soonyoung were a bit awkward at first — sure, the initial sting of rejection made him distance himself a bit, but he got over it pretty quickly. He came over to the house often, bringing takeout with him and new documentaries he’d rented from the university’s library. He always stayed at least a foot away from you — in early December, he’d accidentally kissed you in greeting, leading the rest of the hangout to be full of unresolved tension.

So much so that he left early.

Aside from that incident, it was like the two of you had never seen each other naked. You both scrunched your noses at your friends’ jabs, leaving them with confused looks. Minghao was the one to tell the frat brothers the news that the two of you were no longer sleeping together.

Minghao also knew that you had a raging heart boner for Soonyoung. He was all you’d talked about in the passing weeks — Minghao even subjected his family to your babble about Soonyoung when he answered your FaceTime calls over winter break. He sighed as you droned on about the man, but allowed it anyway.

“This is my Teacher’s Assistant, Kwon Soonyoung. You will be seeing more of him than of me this year, I have a very crammed schedule. This being said, Soonyoung will go through the syllabus with you and the first lesson of the semester. I will be here on Wednesday, so don’t fret! You still get to have one-on-one time with me.” Professor Kwon smiles, and you glance at Soonyoung, who is already looking at you. You raise your brows, and he shrugs, making a smoking motion.

He’s stoned.

Professor Kwon bids her goodbyes, leaving a very stoned Soonyoung to take over her class. A few girls in the front (that you don’t recognize) are giggling as he passes out the paper syllabus.

“Kitty.” He murmurs with a soft smirk as he slides your paper on your desk, and you scowl. “Shut up.”

He just smiles as he starts walking around and talking about the syllabus — how you can only miss six classes this semester but if you’re nice, he’ll count you present anyway. How his favorite lesson is the one about the three-spined stickleback fish, and how it’s refreshed at least three or four times throughout the course. He talks about how he fully believes that the Bubonic Plague was an experiment made by the government to kill innocent rodents and that his office hours are generally whenever, just shoot me an email.

The class wraps up rather quickly, with Soonyoung assigning reading based on the ethology of geese. You snort at it, hiking your bag over your shoulder as everyone starts to file out. He grabs your elbow as you walk past him, earning a few looks from the girls who had been giggling earlier — and drapes his arm over your shoulders as the two of you saunter out together.

“What the fuck was that for?” You ask as he walks the both of you towards your place, and he shrugs. “They were staring a little hard.”

“What, so I’m your saving grace?” You roll your eyes, but don’t push him away as he tucks you further into his chest. Soonyoung had always been touchy, so you didn’t care. “Of course. I don’t want to deal with a bunch of sophomores hitting on me.”

“Oh, because Kwon Soonyoung, frat boy and resident weed dealer is sooo desirable.” You mock, and he snorts. “I mean, you fucked me for a year, I would hope I’m desirable.”

You elbow him right in the ribs, making him let out a pained noise as he smacks your arm lightly. “What’d you do that for?! I’m not wrong!”

“Whatever! Anyway, are you going to the stoplight party this weekend? We’re hosting.” You ask, fishing your phone out of your pocket to send him the invite. “Oh, I’m not sure. I'm gonna take Seungkwan out for dinner on Thursday, and I’m probably hanging out with Luda on Saturday.”

He stretches, and you feel your stomach sink.

Lee Luda was what the campus referred to as a frat sweetheart. Her family had a huge legacy of going to SNU, and her father actually owned the property where the Alpha Psi Delta fraternity house was built. She was very close with the entire fraternity and had been involved in their charity and party planning since she was a freshman, her ex-boyfriend being a junior and her brother a senior when she was elected.

She was very sweet, very smart and extremely pretty. You'd gotten to know her a bit last year, she was a Biology major and you shared a lot of the same courses.

“Oh. They’re throwing a birthday party for Juyeon, right?” You nod as he does the same, before looping your arms together. “Come on, I’ll treat you to lunch and you can tell me how good I did on my first day as your TA.”

“What is it with you and ratings?”

He just laughs, pulling you closer again. You pretend your cheeks don’t burn at the proximity and the soft scent of his cologne.

January 18th.

It seemed the first week back from holidays really did a number on the student body — nearly everyone who came to the stoplight party hosted by your sorority was white-girl wasted. Seungkwan profusely cried over the little cupcake you presented him, apologizing for his birthday being on a Thursday. He took it and you later found him with strawberry frosting all over his chin and mouth.

It was well past two in the morning, and the party was still going pretty strong. You, Momo and Yerin were running around topping off drinks and manning stations, and you had sent Chan and Minghao to get more liquor from the store down the road. They were the only sober ones amongst the Beta Tau brothers, and Mingyu was dancing on the coffee table with Wonwoo and Jun — all of them wasted off Pink Whitney.

That damn Pink Whitney.

You roll your eyes as you clean up, humming along to Kid Cudi when you sense a disturbance in the force.

“Hey!” You hear someone shout over the music, and you turn to see Soonyoung, Luda and Juyeon next to you. Soonyoung and Luda have grabbed yellow cups, and Juyeon has a red one. You see a few more of the Delta brothers stroll in behind them, helping themselves to the alcohol on your table.

“Hey! What’re you guys doing here? I thought you were celebrating Juyeon!” You shout back, and Luda shrugs. “Yeah, well Sangyeon and Hyunjae said you guys were having a stoplight! You don’t mind, right? Hyunjae said you were cool!”

You shake your head, gesturing to the bottles. “Not at all! Help yourselves, but Minghao and Chan should be back soon with more Malibu and Svedka.”

Luda gives you a cheery smile and grabs for the Everclear, and you bid the men behind her a quick goodbye as you continue into the kitchen to clean up. You grimace at the sight of vomit in the corner by your pantry, and you open your fridge to get out some baking soda when you see Soonyoung’s feet in front of you.

You glance up at him, seeing a quizzical look as you grab the baking soda. “What’s up, Hosh?” You ask, before squatting by the vomit to sprinkle the baking soda on it.

“You’re wearing red!” He says, gesturing to your red dress. You look down at the dress you were wearing — you’d bought it last year, and wore it to his birthday dinner. He’d stared at you the entire evening before dragging you out to his car and fucking you in the parking lot.

Safe to say that neither of you went back into the restaurant.

“Oh, this? I just don’t feel like flirting tonight.” You shrug, and he leans against the counter when you speak again. “You have a yellow cup! Why?”

“Seeing someone here and there.” He shrugs, and you nod, choosing to swallow your questions. When the fuck did he even find the time?

“Nice!” You exclaim, putting the wet sign over the vomit and deciding to deal with it later. You stand, tugging your dress down your legs a bit more before giving him a curt nod and exiting the kitchen.

Minghao and Chan had arrived and helped Yerin and Momo haul in the liquor, stacking it across the table in the dining area. Hyunjae and Sangyeon had joined Vernon, Jihoon and Seokmin in playing beer pong on the second floor, and you hauled ass up the stairs to join in. Vernon is holding a lit joint between his fingers as he makes the bitch cup, a scowl on his face as Sangyeon chuckles.

“Hey, Vern. Can I take a hit?” You tap his shoulder, and he hands it to you before ruffling your hair. “Hey, pretty. Why’re you here? Not having fun downstairs?”

“Shut up and drink your bitch cup.” You roll your eyes, and he smirks as he downs the cup. He rearranges his cups into a different shape, and Sangyeon sinks a few as you finish off Vernon’s spliff.

“Damn, what’s got you so stressed out?” He asks, taking what's left and popping it between his lips. “Ugh, nothing. I’m just annoyed.” You roll your eyes as their game ends, and you grab a few beer cans to start a new one.

“I didn’t know you were dating someone, Y/N!” You hear Hyunjae call from the end of the table, and you just smile and shake your head. “I’m not! I just don’t feel like dry humping a stranger tonight.”

“I’m not a stranger.” Sangyeon says, and you look up at him. He’s peering at you over his cup, the green reflecting off his silver watch. “You’re right.” You shrug, and finish pouring the cups.

“Way to be subtle.” Vernon rolls his eyes, and you smirk. “Don’t worry, Nonnie. You’ll find someone tonight.” Pinching his cheek, you shove him with your hip and settle between him and Jihoon, who steadies you with his hand ghosting over your back. Seokmin makes the first shot for the other team, the ball bouncing into the first cup.

You play for a bit, grimacing every time you down the cups of beer. Eventually, you decide it’s time to just chill in the lounge, and Sangyeon, Jihoon and Hyunjae agree. Seokmin and Vernon admit they’re probably going to raid the fridge for snacks, and you give them a go-ahead as the other men follow you up to the lounge on the third floor.

You see a few of your sisters there, including Jennie and one of the graduated Beta Tau Sigma brothers, Taehyung. They’re canoodling on one of the beanbags, and she glances up at you as you flop onto the couch on the other side of the room.

“Hey, Y/N.” She calls gently, and you look up to see her holding her thumb up, moving it down to see how you’re feeling. You hold a thumbs up, and she nods, returning to her boyfriend. The guys that came with you are sprawled across the floor, with Sangyeon being the only one on the couch with you.

“The room is spinning.” Hyunjae pouts, and you let out a laugh when you hear the door open, looking up to see Vernon and Seokmin with their hands full of snacks, and Soonyoung in after them. He holds up a bag of pre-rolls, and you hold your hand out.

“Is that how you ask, kitty?” Soonyoung rolls his eyes, fishing one out as you kneel on the couch, pushing the window behind you open. He tugs your skirt down a bit, and you turn back around to see him lighting the joint for you. “It’s lemon balm. I know you like those the best.”

“Thanks, Kwon.” You nod, taking it between your fingers as he sits on the floor, moving his head to be cradled by your knees. Your heels dig into his chest, and he peels off your shoes and tossed them to the side. Jennie and Taehyung slip out, with Jennie giving you a thumbs up once more. Once you mirror it, she’s out.

The group is quiet, seemingly trying to come down from their drunkenness when Sangyeon speaks. “Why kitty?”

“Huh?” Soonyoung looks up, and Sangyeon takes a sip from his cup. “You called Y/N kitty. Why?”

“Oh. I was a cat at the Halloween party we met at.” You shrug, and you notice Soonyoung’s brows furrow a bit. “That, and she has a kitty tattooed on her hip.”

You swat his shoulder, making him giggle when Sangyeon nods with wide eyes. “And how do you know that?”

“They used to fuck.” Vernon speaks up, popping a cheese curl into his mouth with the utmost nonchalant shrug. You gape at him, and he shoots you a wink. “Thanks, Hansol. Air out my business, why don’t you?”

“Okay. She also-” 

Jihoon claps his hand over Vernon’s mouth, and you roll your eyes as you offer the joint around the group. Hyunjae declines, handing it to Sangyeon. He gives you a glance, seeing you’re already looking at him.

"Isn't Hoshi the Zoology TA? Can't you guys get in some kind of trouble for that?" Hyunjae calls from the floor, making Soonyoung roll his eyes and Sangyeon clears his throat next to you. You glance at him, a stoney look on your face as you gesture to the lit joint in his hand. You're sure they want an answer – but if Soonyoung doesn't say anything, you sure as shit won't.

Taking the hit, Sangyeon passes it back to you and blows the smoke up and out. “That’s really smooth. Do you make these yourself, Hosh?”

“Yeah. It’s just a hobby.” He shrugs, lighting his own up and holding it between his lips. You roll your eyes, “This is also the same guy who rescues kittens for freshmen, teaches a dance class from seven to eight and a self-defense class from eight to nine every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Oh, that’s actually pretty cool. How much do you sell for?” Sangyeon asks, his eyes a little lower as he looks at you instead of Soonyoung, who is glaring. “I don’t, it’s free.”

“I tell him that he’s a horrible business magnate, Mr. President.” You tilt your own joint at him, and he smiles. “Mr. President?”

“Yeah! Aren’t you the Alpha Psi Delta President? I thought I heard about that from Luda last year.” You rest your head on the couch cushion, and notice the way he bites his lip as his eyes trail your body, before he meets your eyes with a nod.

You’re not the only one who notices.

Clearing his throat, Vernon tries to cut the weird tension in the air. “How about we play a game? Truth or dare, or something?”

“I’m the only girl up here, you better not make me do weird shit or your ass is grass.” You threaten, making him smile widely. “Why, I’d never—”

“Shut up, you were the same one who dared her to streak last year.” Seokmin shoves Vernon, and the group hears the door open — Luda, Minghao and Chan trail in with Yerin and Momo in tow.  

“Hey, guys!” Luda greets, and you feel Soonyoung nearly rip himself away from you to greet her. “Hey, Lu.”

“What’re we doing up here?” She asks, taking a seat next to Soonyoung. You grimace inwardly, before feeling Sangyeon’s hand on your knee. He gives you a look that says fix your face, and you inch closer to him now that Soonyoung is literally feet away from you.

“We were gonna do a round of truth or dare.” Jihoon pipes up from the floor, and you smile as the guy covers his eyes. Luda grins, “I’m in! Who’s gonna start?”

You wait until everyone settles, but you catch Minghao’s eyes. He gives you a confused look, his gaze darting to Sangyeon’s hand on your lap. You give him a hard look, and he just shakes his head as Hyunjae sits up to start the game.

“Okay, Luda.” He clears his throat, and she sits up at the sound of her name. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Boring!” Momo pipes up, and a soft giggle spreads through the group. Sangyeon inches a little closer to you, his thigh now touching yours as he rests his hand a little higher on your leg. It’s subtle enough. “What’s your body count?”

She snorts. “Four. Isn’t yours in the double digits?” She teases Hyunjae, who scoffs. “Uh, not that it’s any of your business, but my body count is three.”

The group laughs again, and you find yourself leaning your head against Sangyeon, who props his arm behind you. “Okay, uhm…Y/N!”

You hear Luda call your name, and you give her a wiggle of your brows. “Hit me.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Let’s go…truth. I’ll play it safe.” You shrug, and she smiles. Almost like a cheshire cat, like she knows all your secrets. “Would you sleep with anyone in this room?”

You look around, getting a suggestive brow wiggle from Seokmin and bursting into laughter. “Yeah. I mean, I have. It wouldn’t be weird, I think.”

“Oh, really? Who?” She probes, and you shake your finger at her. “It’s Truth or Dare, not Truth and Explain Yourself.”

She laughs, and you look around the room for your target. “Vernon, truth or dare?”

“I’ll bite, give me a dare.” He pops another cheese curl in his mouth, and you feel your lips tug up at the corners. “I dare you to text Jisun and tell her your feelings for her.”

“Is this payback for last year? It was either that or skinny dipping.” He says pointedly, and you only shrug. “Text her or you’re a wimp.”

“It’s like, twenty degrees outside, Y/N. What if I just streak and risk getting pneumonia?” He feigns distress, and you feel Sangyeon’s fingers gently caressing your shoulder. Is this foreplay?

“Alright, we can do a dare for a dare. Give me something to do, and if I chicken out, you don’t have to text her.” You take a hit of your joint, leaning forward and feeling Sangyeon’s arm fall down your back, fingers now holding your hip lightly. Vernon sees this, clicking his tongue. “Fine. I dare you to makeout with Sangyeon.”

You blink at Vernon, hearing the group collectively ooooh. You scoff, “That’s it? That’s tame as hell, Hansol.”

“You can’t fuck him.” He states, and you smile. “I’m only a woman, Vernon. I have needs.”

“Is anyone going to ask Sangyeon if he’s okay with that?” Luda interjects, and you can sense a bit of a bite in her tone. Sangyeon shrugs, “If Y/N’s cool then I’m cool.”

“How will we even know if they made out? They could lie.” She tries, and you smile at her. “I’m not shy, if you want to watch or something.” You tease, watching her cheeks turn beet red. She shakes her head, and Vernon gives you a pointed look.

“So? What do you say, pipsqueak?”

“Prepare to admit your feelings to the love of your life, Chwe.”

You get up, tugging Sangyeon up with you. You feel a pair of eyes on you, but when you glance over your shoulder, you see Soonyoung glaring at the two of you as you open the door. “We’ll be back.”

You lead him to your bedroom down the hall, hearing him clear his throat as you push the door open and are met with darkness. You fumble with the lamp on your desk for mood lighting, and he smiles down at you. 

“We don’t have to.” He murmurs, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear. His fingers aren’t as soft as Soonyoung’s. You shake your head, “If you’re down, I’m down. It’s been a while.”

He just smiles, tilting your head to meet your lips halfway. His lips are softer…you kind of miss the chapped feeling. You sigh into the kiss, your hands moving to his waist as he moves the two of you towards your bed. His hands trail down your waist, cupping your ass as he falls back onto your bed, pulling you on top of him. He groans softly as you adjust in his lap, and you feel his hips cant up.

"Sorry, sorry." He mumbles, making you laugh. "Eagerness is never a bad thing." The kissing is fine. It's a little desperate, a little messy as you grind down on him, but it's not Soonyoung. You pull away, a pout on your lips as the heady feeling of him against your core fills your head. "Not into it, huh?" He asks, and a part of you thinks he's admitting to it, too.

"You like Luda, don't you?" You ask pointedly, and his eyes go wide. "How the fuck–" "Kind of hard not to notice when she's jumping the gun to save you from my grasp." You laugh, rolling off him to stare at your ceiling. Your arm brushes something soft, and you glance up to see the Jellycat octopus from Soonyoung, Inky Minaj.

"How long did you and Hoshi sleep together?" He asks, and you sigh. "About a year. We were playing some stupid game of cat and mouse for my first three years as a student here, then we fucked at the Halloween rager the frat holds every year. Neither of us remembered it, so we fucked the next morning and the rest is history."

He looks at you, and you peer at him through low eyes. "What?" "Nothing. Just kind of sounds like you like him." He says matter-of-factly, and you snort. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I kind of lied to myself for a while. I guess…I think once I realized that maybe he was starting to like me, I stopped it. I don't know. And him being my TA for Zoology definitely made me want to tread lightly." 

He nods, shifting uncomfortably. "Luda slept with him a few weeks ago. Around my birthday, I think." You shoot up almost immediately, turning to face him. "Luda and Soonyoung slept together? When? When is your birthday?" His face contorts into one that speaks I fucked up. "You didn't know? I thought you guys were like, best friends?"

"When, Sangyeon?" You probe, slapping his knee as he grimaces. "I don't know, like the eighth of November? I was out of town." "That son of a bitch." You scoff, and stand up. "Well. Let's go. I need Vernon to hop off my dick about his feelings and hop on Jisun's about them." "Maybe we should wait until you're not upset, Y/N." He says gently, and you groan. "I'm not upset, Soonyoung can fuck whoever he wants, whenever he wants. I'm not his keeper." "But you want to be, don't you?" He says pointedly, and you huff in response. "Come on, Mr. President. I've got a point to prove, and it's that I don't need Kwon Soonyoung to get laid." "We all already know that, pretty." He rolls his eyes, allowing you to lead him out. He shuts your door, and makes it a big show of fixing your skirt and wiping his lips of your gloss as you open the door to the lounge. Soonyoung and Luda are draped across the couch, and you lock eyes with him the moment you step inside the room. Minghao, unable to read the room for the first time, turns and cheers.

"Woo! How was it?" He asks, taking a swig from the bottle of Pink Whitney that somehow made its way upstairs. "Pretty good." You admit shyly, feeling Sangyeon sit on the ground with you. He pulls you onto his lap, and you give Vernon a knowing look.

"You gotta do it, Chwe." "Oh, come on! You hate me!" "I don't hate you, but I sure am tired of hearing you mope about Jisun." "How are you even coherent right now? You had two spliffs and a shitload of beer." You smile, wiggling your fingers for his phone. "Give it here, Chwe." He groans, handing it over to you. You unlock it, not unable to shake Soonyoung's eyes off you. You know he's eyeing the man holding you, because he shifts under you and even brushes the hem of your dress. You smirk to yourself as you scroll to Vernon's conversation with Jisun, seeing a pre-drafted message sitting in the text box.

Msg To: Roh Jisun (the loml who doesn't know she's the loml yet)

[4:31am] hi jisun. i just wanted to say that uhh i've liked you for a while and i know it's late (or early….wtv you prefer) and i do not expect you to answer this at all (because i'm a wimp) but if it's not a bother, i'd like to take you out. to dinner, maybe, or whatever you'd like to do. i know you like making jewelry, though, i know this cool jeweler in the city who does like,,,classes. maybe? sorry this is so awkward i'm nervous.

You read over it, and look at Vernon. He's blushing deeply, and you smile softly. "Just send it, Nonnie." "What if she says no?" "What if she says yes?" Momo speaks up, and you see her also taking a sip from the bottle of Pink Whitney. The group echoes her, and Vernon sighs. "Okay, fine. Fine! I'll send it and if she says no I'll just…act normal." He turns the screen to face everyone, pressing send with his ring finger and fully launching the phone across the room. "Well! That's that!" He smiles, reaching for the bottle of Pink Whitney and taking a long drink.

"Who's next?"

February 7th.

Zoology with Soonyoung was not nearly as bad as you thought it was going to be. He stayed true to his word – if you were cool, he marked you present. If you were a douche, he marked you absent. His office hours were erratic, and you found it increasingly difficult to get a hold of him for the first few classes. He was always helping another classmate, or busy with his classes at the dance studio.

In other news, Sangyeon was avoiding you like the fucking plague. You'd waved at him a few days after the party, when you noticed a bruise blooming on his cheekbone. He greeted you quickly, before leaving you practically in the dust. Luda was also increasingly cold to you, but you just assumed it was over one of the boys – whether it was Soonyoung or Sangyeon was beyond you.

Vernon actually managed to woo Jisun. She was charmed by his general awkwardness, and when she texted you about it, you laughed and told her that it was the most outward emotion you'd seen him exude since you'd known the guy. She laughed and said he was sweet, and that she'd let you know how the date went. Vernon screamed in your messages about it and stated "I hope you get the best head in the world."

Speaking of getting the best head in the world, you finally caught Soonyoung in the hallway today, asking him if you could have an impromptu study session in the library later. He sighed, checking his watch and agreeing rather reluctantly. You grimaced, and told him you didn't have to ask him, you could very well just join the Zoology study group that met twice a week.

He apologized and said he'd book the study room for five, and that he'd meet you there.

Well, it's now six and the two of you have done nothing but bicker. You'd asked about Lorenz and what he meant about the transposibility of key stimuli, to which he'd just scoffed and said that you'd know all about key stimuli.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You spit, and he just shook his head. "Whatever. Key stimuli is just something that can trigger specific sensory information in an animal's brain. So certain shapes, colors, sounds, even gestures and behaviors can trigger an animal to act in a certain manner." You sucked your teeth, jotting down his words before speaking. "Do you know what happened to Sangyeon?" He almost snaps his neck looking up at you, brows furrowed as he shakes his head. "No? Why does that even matter, aren't we supposed to be studying?" You raise a brow at him, "Why are you so defensive, dude? I'm just asking you if you know what happened. He and Luda have been avoiding me like I have lice." "Get a monkey." He shrugs, looking back down at his phone. He's scrolling mindlessly, and you huff as you put down your pen. "Alright. What's the problem, Soonyoung?" He winces slightly, before shaking his head. "Don't know what you mean. Do you understand now? Or do you still need to understand the difference between key stimuli and releasers? People have been asking all week about that." You frown, feeling your throat a bit tight as you sit up. "Why are you acting like this?" You murmur, and he must hear something in your voice that makes him look up. "Acting like what?" "Like you can't stand to be in the same room as me." "That's not true." He rolls his eyes, and you scoff. "It sure seems like it. I ask you a question about class, you're rude. I mention Sangyeon and Luda, you're annoyed and irritated. Did I do something? Are you upset with me?" It seems your prodding has been more of you poking the bear, because he sucks his teeth and slides his phone onto the table. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am upset with you. And you did do something." "Okay? So tell me what it is so we can fix it." You state, and he laughs dryly. "We? There is no we in you and Sangyeon making out like a pair of lovesick idiots at the stoplight party. He was practically eye fucking you the entire time you were together."

"I don't see what the hell that has to do with you, Soonyoung." You retort, and he shakes his head. "I just don't understand why you'd make me feel like there was something between us and then go and make out with some other guy. He likes Luda, you know, so it's not like it would have gone anywhere." His tone is bitter, and you can recognize he's saying all of this to hurt your feelings. Maybe because he's hurt, and he feels disappointed in his own choices. Nonetheless, it gets under your skin and hits just the right bullseye for you to explode.

"Where the fuck do you get off telling me what I can and can't do with my life, Soonyoung? You and I both agreed that this wasn't mutually exclusive, and Sangyeon and I just made out! You and I haven’t even fucked since we stopped last year, so I don't understand why your panties are in a twist!" You exclaim, and he scoffs out a breath of disbelief.

"You know what, maybe this entire thing was a fucking mistake. I should've never asked for there to even be an 'us', because if I knew I was going to feel this way knowing that you can just do whatever or whoever you want–" You cut him off before he can finish. "Is that what you think I'm doing? I've literally rejected so many people in just the past year because you were acting like you couldn't live without me! So what if I kissed Sangyeon? So what if I did? Forgive me for thinking that maybe you changed your mind about me and how you felt about me after you slept with Luda! You're not the only one who felt led on, you know?!" Your breathing is heavy as you finish yelling, with Soonyoung blinking at you, ears red. "You know about that?" His voice is almost ashamed. Almost.

"If you didn't want to make this an exclusive thing, or make the people around us think we were together, you should've stopped pulling me into random bedrooms to fuck and kissing me in the kitchen of the frat. Maybe don't buy me a Jellycat Octopus and say you want to be exclusive with me if you're just going to pull this sort of shit." You feel tears sting your eyes as you rip your bag off the chair in front of you, feeling your throat tighten as you grab your remaining things off the table. "Y/N-" "You know, it may be taking you five years to finish your degree, but I want to finish mine on time. Have a good life, Soonyoung. Don't call me." You spit, watching his jaw drop slightly before tightening. "I won't." "Good." "Great." "Fine." 

He watches as you slam the door behind you, feeling his stomach sink damn near into the ground as he sees the sweater you were wearing still hanging across the back of your chair. "Fine."

February 14th.

It'd been a week since your fight with Soonyoung.

He'd unfollowed you on Instagram, and seemingly decided to pretend as though you didn't exist. He didn't acknowledge you if you were over at the frat for Minghao, and he certainly didn't speak to you. You'd asked him to pass you the salt when you'd gone over yesterday for a Valentine's dinner party with the brothers, and he just left the table without a word. It was embarrassing enough that you asked Minghao to walk you home. 

What you didn't know was that the fellow girlfriends of his frat brothers spoke to him about his behavior. Sana and Jisun called Sowon over FaceTime and even had Seungcheol talk to him, and he stood there and took the scolding like a puppy with his tail between his legs. Seungcheol told him that his behavior towards you wasn't going to get you to forgive him, much less be with him and that he understood that Soonyoung felt negatively about your actions – but that Soonyoung cannot be upset about it because he had his chance and he blew it by making out with Yujin at the Halloween party.

Talk about key stimuli. Bad behavior does not get rewarded.

He'd been left with his own thoughts after that, and he stared at all the little trinkets he had that reminded him of you. The sweater you left in the library was hung over his desk chair, and it still smelled of your citrusy perfume. The piggy bank you got him for his birthday was sitting on his bookshelf, still stuffed full with new bills you put in before giving it to him. You'd also given him a few items of clothing that reminded you of him, one of which being an oversized black sweater with your initials embroidered in the sleeve. He frequently wore it unless he was sure he'd be seeing you.

He didn't know why. It just felt nice to…feel like he belonged to you.

"Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!" He's standing in front of the class, and the sophomore girls in the front of the room coo at his cheerfulness. You're sitting behind them, a sour expression on your face as he dims the lights, a baggy navy cardigan draped over your shoulders. You didn't like that one as much as the one you'd left in the library.

"In honor of this pseudo holiday, we're going to go over the most romantic of animals. Consider this a free class, because this is definitely not on the syllabus or in the curriculum, I just like to talk about it." He smiles, and the group of girls aww again, and you make a face as he turns the projector to the next slide.

"Naturally, you have the ones you've heard of the most. Penguins, seahorses, swans, and doves. Shit, even elephants are said to mate for life, and become extremely depressed if their lover suddenly passes or, in some cases, just up and leaves. But my favorite?"

He changes the slide, seeing your eyes widen as your favorite fish fills the screen.

"The French Angelfish mate for life. Monogamy isn't usually practiced amongst observed populations of fish, though. So much so that there is an analogy called the Fish Love Analogy. This is when your partner can meet all your needs, both emotional and physical, but ultimately only turns into an object of desire." You frown at this, but he changes the slide.

"French Angelfish are rarely seen alone, as once they've mated, they're inseparable. It's really quite beautiful and it proves that animals are sentient beings." He smiles slightly, looking around to see everyone jotting down notes.

"What about you, Soonyoung? Do you believe in that stuff?" One of the sophomore girls speaks up, and he shrugs. "I do, yes. I think it's a beautiful thing, to fall in love and have that person forever. I think as humans, though, we forget to cherish what we have. That's why the rate of divorce is so high." You roll your eyes.

"Do you think you've found your forever, Soonyoung?" Another one of the girls asks, and he sighs. "You know, I have. I have found her, but I'm also a human that doesn't know how to cherish good parts of life. Animals are just wired to operate in a certain way, but giving humans free will has truly affected us as a society." He scoffs, earning a laugh from the class.

You're not smiling, but he sees your lips twitch slightly.

"What if she's not your Angelfish, though?" Someone from behind you speaks up, and he purses his lips. His eyes find yours, and he can practically feel them pierce through him.

"I doubt that she's not."

He turns back to the slides, proceeding to talk about how humans have romanticized doves and swans to be representative of love. He finishes the slides quickly, bidding everyone a happy Valentine's day once more and earning echoes of the girls telling him they hope he and his Angelfish figure it out. He thanked them, hitching his backpack over his shoulder as he held the door open for them.

He looks over them, spotting you still gathering your materials. You glance up at him, a silent communication of please wait for me from your eyes. He does, he waits as you walk down the steps and tug your cardigan around you tightly. He remembers when you bought it, he was with you and you were actually wearing the same dress you have on now, the long skirt now paired with platform boots so it doesn't drag on the floor. You slip out in front of him, and wait a few feet away as he locks the door. You stare at the floor as he falls into pace next to you, albeit a few feet behind. You're leading the way to somewhere, he notes, because you're not headed towards the frat or your place. He follows silently, never closing the gap between you as you turn into the veterinary hallway.

The graduating class last year had raised enough money to install an aquarium for viewing pleasure. It had all sorts of fish – including angelfish. You stopped in front of it, with him lingering a few feet behind and watching from afar. You point silently, the fish swimming past your hand and joining another.

"Which one are you?" You mumble, and he steps closer to you, but not enough to touch you. "Probably the male one." You snort, backing up slightly, your knuckles brushing as you clasp your hands behind your back.

"I'm sorry." You whisper, and he shakes his head. "No, I'm sorry." "Let's just agree we're both sorry." You shrug, and he sighs. "You shouldn't have to be sorry, though. I've always come off so strong, and I'm sorry if you felt like I was projecting my feelings onto you. You don't ever have to reciprocate if you don't want to." "Do you want me to?" You ask gently, watching the fish swim in circles. He hesitates, before nodding. "I don't think there is anything I want more." He murmurs, and you look at him out of the corner of your eye.

"Careful, I won't get you a gift for your birthday this year." You joke, but you see him sink slightly, before he's kneeling on the floor. "Soonyoung?" "I'm sorry I've been such an asshole, I know I don't deserve to be with you in any form." He hugs your knees, and you feel your cheeks flame as someone walks by you. "Soonyoung, get up." "Not until you forgive me." He squeezes your legs tighter, and a couple of girls walk by, gaping at the sight. "I forgive you! Just get up!" You grit, tugging his arm up and hurrying away from the hallway. 

His eyes are teary as you pull him into a janitor's closet, making you scoff out a laugh as you wipe his eyes. "Oh, don't cry. I don't like seeing you cry." You say gently, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs. His lips jut out in a pout as his hands come up to your wrists.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, and you roll your eyes. "Really?"

“Is that a no?” “I should make you grovel, honestly.” “I’m not above begging, you should know this.” “Just kiss me, you idiot.”

He does.

He does, and it's the warmest you'd felt in a long time. His lips are just as chapped as the last time he'd kissed you, his fingers just as soft as they held your face gently. You feel him press himself against you as his tongue slowly licks into your mouth. You play along, your fingers curling into his hair and tugging softly. He whines against your lips, making you smirk as you pull him away.

"Still wanna get on your knees?" You murmur, and he nods quickly as he sinks to his knees in front of you, and you clear your throat as he pulls your leg over his shoulder, pushing your skirt up to your hips. His breath is warm against your skin as he gasps, peering up at you from behind the bunched fabric. "You're not–" "You're about to yap yourself out of some ass, shut up." You roll your eyes, making him frown as his eyes disappear under your skirt, feeling his teeth nip at your thigh. You flinch, no longer used to his biting habits. "Be gentle." "Yeah, yeah. I don't tell you how to kiss other guys, don't tell me how to eat your pussy." He grumbles, and you go to argue before you feel his tongue circle your clit slowly. You sigh, feeling his free hand snake up to lace his fingers with yours. You hold his fingers tightly as he buries his face into your cunt, eagerly soaking up whatever you'll give him.

You cover your mouth with your free hand, feeling a bit of anxiety pool in your stomach as you hear students walk past the closet. He pulls you even closer, slurping obscenely when you hear someone stop in front of the door, murmured whispers and soft kissing sounds when the doorknob jiggles. You see Soonyoung's hand shoot to grab it, attempting to hold the door tightly shut as they pull.

He doesn't pull away when they yank the door open, leaving you to nearly topple as you yank your skirt down, hiding him beneath it. You're faced with Lee Chan and his girlfriend,Jung Haerim, lipstick smeared all over his face and neck as your own burns in embarrassment. His jaw drops, and you find yourself squirming away from Soonyoung's tongue as you shove him away. 

Soonyoung pouts as he exits your skirt, a deep frown on his glistening lips as he looks at Chan. "Really, man?" "You're the one stealing my closet! You know this is my spot!" Chan argues as Soonyoung stands, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, your orgasm ruined and humiliation levels on 10. "You know, getting fucked in a mop closet shouldn't be something you're proud of." Soonyoung scoffs as he grabs your hand once more, tugging you out as Chan and Haerim blink at the two of you. She opens her mouth, holding up her finger before closing it, pressing her lips together. "Can't we just go to my place?"

"Should've thought of that earlier!" Soonyoung yells over his shoulder, picking up his pace as he hears Chan start after the two of you. You feel the awkward tension start to dissipate as you both bolt down the hallway, and you feel him take a sharp turn towards the fraternity. You hear Chan start yelling curse words before his footsteps stop, and the two of you just giggle to yourselves as you keep running towards the house.

Seeing the house come into view, the two of you quickly make your way up the steps and nearly slam into Seungcheol, who had come to visit (without anyone's knowledge.) He barely moves out of the way as you and Soonyoung barrel up the stairs, not even acknowledging a rather stoned Vernon and Jisun on the second floor landing before sliding into his room. It seemed both of you were on the same page about finishing what was started.

The room is full of clattering as you both undress, and your books are thrown to the side as his hands pull you to him before you both topple onto his bed. His lips are instantly on yours, but it's too chaste – and you hear him murmur something before he presses his lips to yours again.

"I love you." You scoff out a laugh, before you see the seriousness in his eyes. Blinking, you sit up a bit, your fingers trembling as you gently stroke his cheek. He nibbles his lip, and you can feel another laugh bubble in your throat. His ears tinge pink as you laugh, pulling him back down to your level, nuzzling your nose against his softly.

"I love you, too."

His eyes widen, and you swear he stops breathing before you tap him gently. "Hosh? You there?" He blinks, his hand tightens reflexively around your hip. "Yeah…I'm here."

You smile at him, tilting your head as you run your fingers through his hair. "You mean it, right? Do you love me?" "Let me be struck by Zeus himself if I'm lying."

The two of you laugh after a moment, and he swallows carefully. Neither of you make a move to get down to business, instead staring at each other like this was the last time you'd ever see each other. "You okay?" You murmur, and he shakes his head. "You love me." "You know, I figured it would be pretty obvious that I'd liked you well before we ever slept together." You say pointedly. "I'm still not forgiving you, though. You'll have to work for that." He quirks his brow at you, before pushing off you and flopping onto his back. You look at him, and he clears his throat. "M'lady, your throne awaits." "You're an idiot." "Your idiot, now come on. I've got to prove myself to you."

May 9th.

"Y/L/N Y/N." 

Cheers are heard around the auditorium as your name is called, but not even your parents are as loud as your boyfriend amongst your graduating class. "THAT'S MY BABY!"

You feel your cheeks heat as everyone aw's and ooh's, hearing his fraternity brothers blow kazoos like idiots in the stands. The ceremony quickly came to an end as the last few names were called, the security attempting to diffuse crowds of people exiting. You found yourself looking for your boyfriend, finding him being embraced by Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua as his eyes searched for you.

Your relationship with Soonyoung was not perfect by any means. You nearly failed Zoology because he kept interrupting your studying to kiss you, often leading to other things before you would crawl out of his bed to your laptop on the desk, before being lured back in by your siren of a boyfriend. The two of you kept it under wraps best as you could, seeing if Professor Kwon found out (or anyone else, really) you could both get in trouble.

But, everyone seemed to finally be satisfied with the outcome. You and Soonyoung were set to go to grad school together, and everyone congratulated the two of you as you made your relationship official – posting each other freely on social media almost everyday. Coffee dates photographed on your story turned into study (and sex) sessions, his Instagram story was full of you in cute workout sets as you finally let him drag you to his Tuesday dance class. Your dashboard was full of him posting you as much as he could, captions of "my girlfriend!!!" and "me n u…get it? menu…#lovestagram" under a photo of the two of you at a diner.

Your sorority and his fraternity came together to host a graduation party for all the graduates, and you and Soonyoung were going to arrive together. You stare at him from your position near the doors, waiting for him to spot you. You'd both worn a soft pink under your white gowns, and his eyes scan the entire area before finally landing on you. He fights his way out of his friends' arms, and you hear him exclaim to them that he needs to find his girlfriend.

As he approaches you, you think of the tangled web that had been your relationship. A bit of jealousy wrapped in emotional unavailability and insecurities from the both of you, like a cricket held down by a spider's thread. You think about the chase, the game of cat and mouse that the two of you played as you kissed eagerly, a mess of tongues and spit before he'd have to slip away. You think about the first time he smoked you out, and how he'd laughed and held you tightly when you told him you felt like you were about to fall off the Earth.

You think about his growth as a person, about his growth as a man and his growth as your person. The person you found yourself drawn to since you'd stepped foot in Beta Tau Omega four years ago. The same person who bought you a new laptop and then took you out to dinner, the same person who immediately glued himself to you once he found out how much you had in common.

The same person who left when he felt like everything was too much by your side, only to admit his wrongs a year later and beg for your forgiveness on a roof in the middle of autumn. The same person who then slowly lured you into his sticky and tangled web of emotions and unspoken confessions, of kisses full of I love you and embraces screaming I missed you. The same person who said you're his angelfish, his person, his forever. The same person who realizes his mistakes and pushes his pride aside to apologize, even if it means the two of you end up a mess of spit and cum and tears. The same person who tells you now, every night, that he loves you and has done everything he can to prove it day by day.

"Hey, kitty." His smile is warm and full of mischief as his hand gently brushes your hair away from your face, revealing the earrings he gave you a few weeks ago. He thumbs at them softly, before pulling you in closely for a chaste kiss. You smile at him, knowing that this tangled mess is only the beginning of your forever with him. "Let's get out of here."

haologram © 2024 || no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[jupitersdescendant]

hi everyone, here we go again :)

today’s topic: what does your inner child want to share with you?

here’s how it works: close your eyes and meditate on the question for a little. if you feel ready, open your eyes and choose the pile you feel the most drawn to. it’s possible, that you’ll be attracted to more than one pile. please remember that this is a general reading so only take what resonates. this is for entertainment purposes only. lastly, tarot is only a guide, nothing is set in stone and at the end of the day you have the power over your own life.

art by john mccartin.

Pile 1

cards: ten of pentacles (rx), the magician (rx), two of swords. back of the deck: nine of cups (rx)

hii guys. you’re holding back (kind of a harsh start but i’m just rolling with what spirit is giving me). there’s potential in you that’s waiting to be unlocked. the problem is that you struggle to see your own potential and that hasn’t changed since your childhood. financial security is one of your biggest concerns and triggers since you probably had a rocky home life where money was tight. your inner child really wants you to appreciate how strong and resilient you are. this decks version of the magician depicts an infinity sign which i felt immediately drawn to. this again shows that you carry so much potential in you and whats so special about this is that yours is basically endless. i think you can pretty much succeed in anything that you really put your mind to. if you aren’t familiar with spirituality then this is your sign to see for yourself what your spiritual powers and intuition have in store for you. if you use your powers well and don’t get lost in selfishness then you could really bring a lot of good to the world. you or rather your inner child feels like it’s trapped under water, your hand is still gracing the surface but the rest of your body can’t seem to follow. through some childhood circumstances you learned to only depend on yourself and some of you probably often keep people from getting to close to you. i know that trusting others can be really hard and it seems like you had some bad experiences in the past but we as humans need a loving community to strive and survive. and to pull us out of the water ;) this doesn’t mean that you can’t do it alone nor that you should stop trying but it’s much easier to have a helping hand don’t you think? also, learn to feel your emotions, because bottling all that sh*t up won’t do you any good. if you’re scared of the bad ones try to find a good outlet for them, like running, dancing, writing everything down, boxing, just whatever you feel like doing, doesn’t need to be anything fancy. and don’t forget to be kind to yourself!

additional messages:

- be peaceful and take your time

- find ways to occupy yourself so you can regain your sense of self and find the gifts in the process at hand

- draw upon your inner strength and self belief

- you are more than capable of getting through what lies ahead

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 2

cards: the hierophant, the world, the sun (rx). back of the deck: king of pentacles.

hii! damn pile two your cards left me speechless with all the major arcana dropping out, same was the case for the cards i used to clarify. crazyy. i think your inner child is really proud of you since it looks like you’ve finally stepped into your own power and feel way more confident and comfortable in yourself. you’ve grown to be very wise and have strong morals and ethics. you’re being encouraged to fight for what you believe in. you’ll probably feel like you’re swimming against the current of everyone else but don’t let that hinder you. i just heard you’re being called to duty lol so do with that what you will. the cosmos is on your side, big time. if you have trouble believing in yourself then just know that the universe has your back and is waiting for you to come into full harmony with yourself. butterflys are a sign for you as well as all pink and orange tones, try to surround yourself with them for example through your clothes or flowers that you can put in a vase in your room because both colours could be really energetically pleasing to you. fear may be your worst enemy but don’t forget: it is still possible to move forward after stumbling. the thing that keeps letting the fear get the better of you is your wavering self confidence. some part of you -probably your hurt inner child- doesn’t believe that you have what it takes, which leads to you doubting yourself a lot. this goes hand in hand with fear of failure and procrastination (same dude). apart from doing some active work to comfort your inner child, you could try to find exercises to ground yourself. tanking some sunlight might be really beneficial to you as well as spending as much time as possible in nature. a simple walk in the park will help a lot. it’s really important that you connect to the earth and that you step into your own earth energy which embodies stability, groundedness, safety, growth and many more things :) some of you may even have prominent earth energy or earth dominance in your astrological birth chart. i think what you need to finally trust yourself more and to experience a state of inner peace are the things i mentioned above as well as self acceptance and self love. you have what it takes but will need to believe and love yourself through all of it.

additional messages:

- most fears are learned at a young age, tune into them and determine if they are rational

- visualise positive success as you work through your fears

- physical activity helps to reduce excessive energy related to fear and stress

- stand your ground and stick with your beliefs

- for grounding: plant both feet firmly on the ground, take a deep breath down to your belly and calm your mind, feel the connection between your feet and the earth and imagine yourself feeling calm, centred and grounded

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 3

cards: the sun (rx), queen of cups (rx), judgement. back of the deck: four of pentacles (rx)

hi guys! the first impression i got was that you probably didn’t have the happiest of childhoods and have wounds that haven’t healed yet. your hurt inner child is still very present in your thoughts and behaviours. you have a hard time letting things go that no longer serve you. it is time to distance yourself from this, wether that’s some bad habits, a job or maybe even people who you interact with often. it’s very important for you to let go of your pessimistic views since this often leads to negative self talk real quick. you’re very insecure and struggle a lot with your self image. this leads to you feeling very hurt and uncomfortable in your own skin. honey, there’s simply no need for that. whoever told you that you’re not great the way you are and didn’t appreciate whatever body and face your blessed with, is simply a d*ck (if they’re still in your life then please and kindly drop them immediately). loving one’s body is really hard, especially for women when capitalism wants to make sure that that never ever happens because then we’d stop buying all these useless products to “enhance” our appearance and be deemed as a threat. i’m here to tell you: be the threat lol. self love is freaking hard but i strongly believe in you. progress will be slow and also kind of excruciating as well but moving forward, at whatever pace that may be, is always better than not moving at all. i think you’ll soon be ending a cycle. now it is time to meet yourself with kindness and patience. take the chance to focus on yourself since your relationship with you should be your biggest priority right now. sometimes its more than okay to be a little selfish because at the end of the day the person that’ll be your side forever is you, so make it count :) doing things for you and maybe only by yourself is always a good way to appreciate oneself more. travel could really uplift your spirits, even a short trip can be sufficient or exploring a new part of the city you may live in. moving around in general and in whatever way that comes to mind will be beneficial. you got this!

additional messages:

- take the opportunity to objectively observe how you communicate

- always incorporate respect and receptivity when talking to yourself and others

- if you’re being to hard on yourself, tone it down

- love yourself more and see what you can achieve with a new approach

- the sailfish is currently a big symbol for you since you -like them- have the ability to shake of negative energy

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 4

cards: page of pentacles, king of cups, ace of swords (rx). back of the deck: eight of pentacles.

hii! your inner child wants you to be more accepting of them and to show you that you can achieve your best work when you’re both working together. honestly, it felt like you as well as your inner child are hard to get a read on. you seem very secretive. as a child you probably didn’t have a lot of friends and you’ve been keeping to yourself ever since. for a long time you were very sure that you’re a lone wolf and that you’re better off alone. i’m here to tell you that that’s not the case. if you’ve felt drawn to pile one there might be some messages there as well. your energy feels very grounded and calming but you may have the habit of overworking yourself so that you can keep these feelings of loneliness from resurfacing. i think that deep down you crave emotional intimacy. you want and need to exchange your thoughts and feelings with others but you’re scared to do so. being scared is normal and nothing to be ashamed of as long as it isn’t making you unhappy. maybe it doesn’t feel like it yet but you’re inner child wants you to know that change is on the horizon. of course you’ll have to put some effort in as well but i think you’re slowly awakening to your inner truth. when you start to make it clear to yourself that there will be people who’ll be so grateful to have you in their life with all that makes you you, then there’s nothing stopping you anymore. i think you spent way too much time in your head, hence your need to distract yourself. exchange with others is so important since it will help you feel less alone with your thoughts. once we’re overthinking we’re basically just spiralling into driving ourselves crazy, which is why sharing what’s on your mind can be so very helpful and freeing. the opinions from others as well as their advice can help us see things from a different perspective and can pull us out of those overwhelming thoughts. just knowing you have someone you can talk to is a relieve in itself. it seems like you want to prove to yourself that you’re very secretive by nature which might still be true, though you use this to legitimise your withdrawal from others. i’m begging you, for your own wellbeing, open yourself up. it will only get harder the longer you avoid doing it. you bring a lot to the table and others will be so happy to know you, believe me. i actually think that you’re very knowledgeable and that when you share this side with others it can be very fulfilling. use your creative side and hobbies to connect to others since this could come naturally to you.

additional messages:

- you’re entering an energetic phase in your life

- have faith for the long term and trust the universe

- it is necessary to trust that your dreams are possible

- put aside any preconceptions and allow yourself to imagine a new approach to your situation

- surrounding yourself with things that glitter may help you feel more energetically pleased

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

🔮 thanks a lot for reading 🔮

[sulfursmells]

Interning: Changbin

Being a seat wasn’t exactly what I thought I was going to be doing when I applied for an internship. I needed an internship to finally graduate and I thought it would be a good opportunity to see my fav idols stz. You know two birds on stone. Never did I think I would be staring at the muscular jeans clad ass of Changbin descending on my face. The life of an intern

Isn’t an easy one, meaningless tasks good runs whatever you could name but today was something else. Everyday i would get greeted to the boys chilling together in the living room, but today was different. Instead of the all nine boys chilling and joking together, instead I was greeted to Changbin legs spread open on the couch. Before I could say good morning a vulgar smell hit me like a truck, causing a slight cough to be heard.

“Ahh I see you get a taste of my morning brew”

You hear Changbin saying while you regain your composure. Changbin looks at you from across to room raises a leg

BBRRRPPPPTTTTTTTTT

A long bassy rip came out, you thought the house shook but you were still reeling back from the initial smell.

“Whew I’m deadly today!” Changbin says giddy like a school girl. You walk up the stairs coughing the entire way. The horrid smell filling the house. You’re met with the rest of the boys coughing and covering their noses. Everyone except bangchan who sat there laughing at the entire situation. Chan, “Come on boys, if you can’t handle this we’ll practice at the studio” You sight with relief, big mistake. You look up seeing the round moons of Bangchan in your face ripping a fart that would give a sewer a run for its money. After coughing and retching from the smell you meet the gaze of bangchan bending down so you both are face to face.

“I have a special job for you.” He says as he guides you with his hand on your back. You both walk down the way towards the steps.

“Your job is right there.” Bangchan points to Changbins lying on his stomach as another burst of hot air makes a loud escape. You look back up at bangchan disgusted.

“The boys and manager are complaining about changs emissions. I think it’s funny but we do have a job to do so you’re going to be his little fart filter for the day.” Chan says. You try to refuse but Chan pushes you closer. Chang waving his hand behind his ass, the closer you get the stronger the need to cough gets. Your eyes watering as you are face to ass with Changbin mid fart blowing your hair back a bit.

“phew nice one, right!” You look up to see Chan looking back at you. He grunts, Chang holding you against his ass. No sound heard but your world goes dark. You open your eyes not in the house, but your not sure where exactly you are. Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of traffic and the constant shifting weight on your head. Moving the mass above you wasn’t an option as it weighed too much.

PPPPRRRRTTTTTTTT

I know that smell anywhere. A smell that makes your brain feel like it’s melting. What little space your nose had filled with the smell of decay. You react by trashing trying to get him off of you but nothing works. “Quiet down” is the last thing you hear before everything goes dark again.

You wake up again. This time in a practice room. The song of the members practicing for the next music video. You wanted to enjoy the song but your blaring headache and fart seared nose made it impossible. As the song nears its end you regained a bit of your composure and watched as the group hit a final pose. They all celebrated, high fiving and laughing.You closed your eyes for a second the only moment of peace you’ve had all day. Once you opened them, the Jean clad ass of Changbin is ripping one of his vile farts in your face. Sending you into another coughing fit.

“How do you still have more?” you ask through your coughs.

“Protein”

BBBBBBRRRRPPPPTPPTTTTTTT

“It does a body good.” Chang says laughing while the other members start to move towards the exit. Chang aims his ass at his group mates giving them a view of how much his ass has grown. “Get used to it guys” Chang says and then grunts.

What followed was one of the most powerful farts you’ve have ever heard and smelled. You swore you saw some of their clothes bellow from the force coming out of Changs ass. Felix falling to the floor unconscious from the putrid gale. The remaining members race out of the room, Bangchan carry Felix over his shoulder giving Changbin a thumbs up as they all exit the room.

“Well these pants are forever ruined.” Chang says taking off his jeans leaving you shocked. He fat as muscular cheeks pouring out of his jeans, leaving you stunned at how big and round they were. Takes a sniff of his jeans and gags. The smell in the room intensify as the only barrier shield you from his musk was removed.

“Where .. where is your underwear?” You ask nervously gagging after every breath.

He walks over and grabs you by the back of the head looking over his shoulder. “I gotta let the boys breathe” he says as your head vanished between his cheeks. You head woozy the musk invading your senses, struggling not to pass out again. Your nose touching his hole, face covered in his ass sweat. You hear a gurgle from above “Ehh, I’m going to get reprimanded for this one. Well better out than in.” A strong gust showers whatever dry spots were left of your face with his sweat. Your ears ringing from the bass of the blast as your face is propelled out of hit ass. You hit the floor with a thud knocked out. The stench of his ass forever imprinted on your body.

Chang looking over his shoulder snickering to himself. “You can have these as a reminder of what I’m capable of.” He takes a whiff of your hair, “though I guess you don’t need it.” He throws his fart stained jeans on top of you and walks out the room leaving you one more farewell fart that makes sure you wouldn’t wake up until the next day.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day Nine

Here’s the thing. Like, on one hand, Paul loves teaching. But on the other hand, I honestly think he’d be a terrible teacher. He’s genuinely trying to explain songwriting to this kid, and all I’m getting is that I should be able to just look at a piano and it’ll give me whatever I want. “So it’s really just . . .” *plays Martha My Dear* “. . . and from there, you know, like, um, there’s no – unless you stop yourself – there’s no stopping yourself.” Yes, thank you, Professor McCartney. Very informative. Good thing you’re a gorgeous genius because not a word of that lecture made any sense. 

Seriously I am BEGging someone to write Paul and Ringo in the 20s as a cabaret duo! With Paul’s talents being songwriting, slutting it up, piano, and vocals and Ringo’s talents being tap-dancing, ventriloquist dummy impersonation, with the occasional piano, vocals, and sly winks. Maybe they meet George and John through organized crime, idk.

“They don’t just sort of come in your head, kind of thing?” “Yeah, sure. Fact, I had one this morning.” You know. As one does.

See, even Ringo’s on board with my plan. “Let’s make a silent movie.” And Paul. “In a club. That’s it. We’re in a band. We’re in a band, but we sell drugs.” And now they're stringing Paul up just for kicks. Maybe they could join the circus!

Literally the minute John starts being silly, Paul gets this fond look on his face and you can see the wheels turning like “quick, think of a way to get close to him.” And John’s into it. But they keep doing this seesaw thing and I can’t help but think how reminiscent it is of their dynamic as a whole. 

“I see you’ve given up smoking, Richie.” “Yes, I have.” Reminds me of that classic, “I don’t even smoke,” thing. Seems like five-hundred years ago.

PLEASE tell me Peter Sellers and Ringo had a torrid love affair during the filming of The Magic Christian. The way Peter touches Ringo’s hair and his face! Ringo being a gentleman and getting Peter a chair! And I mean there’s plenty of queer coding between them in the film.  

But also laughing my ass off at Peter’s reaction to their song-titles/lyrics/gibberish/other references code.

Yoko, you’re stone-cold and hilarious. “Or what we haven’t.” I honestly have mad respect for her complete disregard/disdain for the Beatles and their art only because that’s how they treat hers for the most part. But girl. You’re married to one of them. He genuinely does love them and what he does with them and you’ve got to respect that or go find someone else, you know?

Also, Paul does Not appreciate the attitude. “Or we’ll just sort of sit here and allow ourselves to be embarrassed. ‘Number nine . . .”

Aaand, just like that, Peter Sellers “must be off.” He lasted all of 1 minute 26 seconds. Weak. George and Ringo lasted fifteen years. 

MLH is literally that annoying person that asks you a serious question about yourself just so he can use you as a segue to talk about his problems.

John: just recovering from the day, you know. Yoko: from the night. John: embarrassed (you have no right, dude, you literally played your sex tape for everyone like two weeks ago) Paul: Did not want that image, thanks very much. 

It actually KILLS me though that we’ll never understand their code. Paul and Ringo will take it to their graves and no one else knows it and any footage like this we’ve got, and any code songs, will just be mostly uninterpretable for all time. 

Okay these few minutes here are soooo special to me. It’s John at his peak lovely, sweet, gentle, kind self. He makes a joke at which Paul can only nod darkly which makes John realize just how bad of a place Paul’s in. 

Paul wants them to get to work “achieve something every day.” But John knows he’s not in a good headspace to work and it’ll be shit and then Paul will spiral even more. So, he turns up the humor until Paul is sufficiently cheered. 

And then, he says. “Guitars? I thought that’s what they do.” And Paul’s stammering. “Oh, that is what they do, but–” John stands up, does a little head-tilt toward the instruments. “Come on, I’ll even show you about half a song I was writing. Come on.” That last in the tenderest, most coaxing voice. It’s just soooo. Like. We talk a lot about Paul ‘handling’ John, and he did. But John sure knows how to handle Paul.

I SO wish they’d have done something with “Madman”. It’s so fun!! Every single song in this era I will go to bat for, no question. 

Ringo’s little hug for Paul!!!! I can’t.

[marveloustimestwo]

Hello! Congratulations on your 700 followers!! 🥳🎉💕💕💕

Could I request Bucky Barnes with The Star, The Lovers, The Tower and Strength please?

The Star - How would this yandere deal with their darling's loved ones?

Bucky would be pretty lenient when it comes to your loved ones. He's honestly really charming when he wants to be, though your friends have said he can look a bit cold or far off when he's not actively being talked to. Other than that, Bucky is very nice and gives absolutely no indication that what he feels for you is out of the norm.

The only reason they might have to fear him or separate you from him is because of his past, or if they try to hurt you. Of course, given he used to be an assassin for Hydra, they could very well try to urge you to date someone else for fear he might hurt you. If assuring them that he was extensively mind-controlled and not willingly doing that doesn't help, he might have to scare them away. In a situation where your loved ones aren't good people and are actively damaging your well-being in some way, Bucky isn't as forgiving. His past does come in handy when dealing with that.

The Lovers - How would this yandere deal with their darling being in a relationship with someone else?

While Bucky does love you far more than is normal, one of the main things he values above all else is your happiness. If you're in a relationship that truly seems healthy, Bucky might back off for a while, longing at a distance, and committing to being there for you if things go wrong.

However, it's when he perceives your significant other as doing something even remotely harmful to you that Bucky decides to mess with things. While relationships aren't flowers and sunshine all of the time, Bucky still doesn't let the slightest grievance slide for you, and he certainly won't leave any loose ends alone either.

The Tower - If this yandere saw their darling in danger, how would they respond/react?

Bucky spent decades being used as a highly trained assassin. He has an eye for sketchy individuals, and he will not let any of them within five feet of you. Nine times out of ten, even the slightest threat is taken care of before they can even think to hurt you.

On the off chance that something or someone does put you in danger, it is dealt with swiftly and violently. Bucky does not mess around when it comes to your well-being, so there will be no mistakes, no hesitation. He will do whatever he has to in order to assure your safety.

Strength - How outwardly passionate is this yandere around their darling?

It really depends on whether you're willing or not. Around you specifically, Bucky can be very loving if you're willing or stone-cold if you're not.

The only reason he'll ever force you to do anything is for your own safety, and he'll tell you as such. He won't expect you to like it, but he won't show a hint of weakness or show that he regrets it, because he honestly doesn't. He only regrets that you're not happy with the situation.

Should you be perfectly willing, then Bucky will be very affectionate around you. He adores you so, so much, and wants you to know it. He is, however, a pretty private person. While there will be a few special occasions, he's not the type to go around bragging and telling everyone about his relationship. He won't hide the fact that he loves you and that you're his partner, but he thinks that the more people that know, the more he chances the wrong people hearing, therefore risking your safety.

[yoon-topias]

Yoontopia | Chapter 8 { Unpacking Desires }

⟡ Warnings: Strong language, depression, mental health issues, references to self harm, references to violence, references to sexual assault, manic episodes, smoking, risky behavior, jealousy, angst and Smut.

⟡ 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

⟡ Best friend's older brother x OC

⟡ Summary: Violet packing up her life when Yoongi gets back it turns into more than just unpacking, but unpacking their inner thoughts. letting the boundaries slip more than they have ever.

⟡ 5.6k words

Violet Pov:

As I sit here on the floor of my room clothes all around me piling up, starting with clothes everything else is pretty much staying here. I have a limit as to what I can bring. We are only using Tae's car. Necessities only is what Tae said. He also said he would come back up in the first few weeks to check in on me so he can bring some stuff up on a second run. I really appreciate that he is still in my life, but at what cost does it bring to both of us? I know he took our break up differently than I did. 

Me seeing it as a stepping stone in my soulmates path. He will always be one and we're connected on a different level than others, but he isn't THE one. Tae had the most trouble accepting it even until this point. I see the way he looks at me and I still look at him like that just with a little bit of a different gaze, his just has never changed full of admiration, longing, certainty of what I’m to him. The role I play in his life.  

Looking at the photo frame on my dresser of him and I, standing up from my pile of clothes. We are in our fuzzy bear onesies on the floor with me between his legs and messy hair, his cheeks are painted a rosy color. I wanted one cause' he is my bear, and he said "Well if I'm your bear don't I need to have one too miss?" Every Saturday night after the club or date night we needed up in those onesies on my floor playing uno and whoever won got whatever they said. In my case it was head and in his he wanted ninety-nine percent of the time sixty-nine cause' in his head we both won.  In the photo was the one time I made him put his wants first and he got head. 

I smile thinking about the times with him. What it would be like if life never came in between us. Those pink squishy cheeks I loved so much will always be a weakness of mine. 

Do I regret letting him go? It's hard cause if you ask me right off the bat I'm going to say yes, but I know if I look at the bigger picture no. If you love something, let it go. I was only ever holding him back from finding his true soulmate, but I can't let him go fully. My heart will always hold a piece of him like he holds a piece of mine. When I told him how I felt about it all he tried, god he tried to understand it but accepted what I chose and told me “I’m always by your side no one and I mean no one will come before you.” and I smiled at him and nodded my head. I knew there was no going against him; he had a determined look on his face full of certainty. Him and Scarlett really make a good team if I do say so myself, but I don't know if she is his soulmate. We never go that far into it. He always stops me and says he doesn't know because it's different from him and I, but that's how it should be different from him and I. I’ll let her take my place as long as I can have him some of the time to see that boxy smile. 

"Hey Vi, I'm back." I jump as I hear Yoongi's voice, getting lost in my mind has always been a weakness of mine but it's nice to think about those times. Me and Tae, a small smile curves my lips up. "Gosh Yoon you can't scare me like that!" setting the frame back down. I'll decide later if I'll bring it with me.  It's not like I don't have the pic in the special album labeled in my phone along with hundreds. "Looks like you made so much progress in the time I was gone." with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, Point at all the clothing in piles on the floor. "Hey! I'm doing my best to decide. I'll for sure need my work attire but then? I don't know, okay. I'm gonna be there alone."  

He steps over the pile by the door and opens my dresser drawer and takes out my kuromi pajamas. "Well for starters these will be going with you." But then what am I gonna sleep in tonight? Eh I'll just wear one of his shirts, not like I haven't before. Many nights at their house when we were younger I would stay over unplanned and he would always bring one of his shirts into the room for me to sleep in. He may be smaller than me in weight but the man truly loves oversized shirts which is much appreciated, with Tae I couldn't wear his since he wore more fitted shirts.  The small things really make girls feel like a princess. Huh? I also wanna feel like that sometimes. Not that Tae didn't though he fucking made me feel like a queen. It’s the small thing though sometimes. 

Without even asking Yoongi bends down and grabs the pile of work clothes,  starts to re-fold them since I honestly just pulled them out and tossed them in a pile not caring of making more work for myself. "Hey you don't gotta. You can just sit on the bed while I do this." 

"A peasant is really gonna make the princess do it all? Hell no." he laughs and starts to put them in the box. Looking down at the ground I have a lot to sort through. “Fine but I owe you.” he scoffs “You owe me? And what do I get?” Honestly I don't know what to offer him and then I tap my finger on my chin thinking “That's right, think all you want with that pretty mind of yours, you won't be able to give me what I want.” he lets out a small laugh folding up a pair of my black slacks “I’m thinking I’ll find something.” I walk over to the pile of clothes that's not sorted at all, drop to my knees in front of it. I'll start by looking at the sizing and seeing if it still fits and if it doesn't I'll just leave it here for safekeeping if I ever fit into it again, a terrible habit I have if I ever become small enough to fit them again… As I'm looking at the sizes there is a looming Silence over both of us but ya know when you're with someone and you don't always have to be talking to fill the void. Yeah that's me and Yoongi, we can just be near each other and be content. 

A lot of people think I'm too oblivious to most things, but in actuality I'm looking far into things to the point it consumes me. The words my father has imprinted in my mind will forever stick with me "run" and so I'm always searching for the way out of everything, with Yoongi? Yeah I decided long before it consumed me to run. Escape. I ran too quickly this time to even give it time to work out, but in my mind he never did like me just was messing with me. And me? I was never messing with him anytime we mindlessly flirted or even got close in touch. I craved it. Desired it. Ached for it. 

He on the other hand was out with girls left and right. Me? I was just waiting for him to notice me. Only me. 

When I finally decided I wasn't waiting Tae fell into my path at the right time. He got me out, went to the clubs and under the lights dancing in his arms I forgot about Min Yoongi even for a little bit.  The way our lips collided,  matched in sync I thought he was just gonna be a filler. No, Kim Taehyung isn't just filler, he is the glue that holds me together without even knowing how much he does for me. 

I wonder why Yoongi stopped his sexual escapades a while ago, after the first week of no girl rather multiple girls. His bed was a never ending revolving door as soon as he hit junior year. Can't blame him though most go through that phase, but why after those he would come to me like nothing ever changed even when I know for fact some of them turned into regulars. 

Too scared to sink into his intoxicating pull I distanced. He distanced. We both were a push and pull never ending tug of war of who will push a little further. Get a little closer. Pull the trigger. 

Neither of us pulled that trigger. Until now. 

Looking over at him almost done with his pile. "Yoon?" He hums in response, not looking up as he is working on folding a two piece suit of mine. "Why did you have all those girls? When you say I have only ever been the only one." he drops the top of the suit he was folding and looks up at me, his shaggy blonde hair tousled, wide eyes peeking through his bangs. "Huh? No, V this isn't the time for this conservation." 

"And why not?" Putting the last piece of clothing in the take pile dead eyeing him. "Cause Vi we have little time and I-I don't wanna lose any by talking about it." Why can't he just give me an answer anytime I made jokes about all the girls he got mad at and wouldn't talk to me for the day. Days even sometimes. 

"Was I not good enough to be a one nighter at least?" I scoff under my breath. 

His face contorts into disappointment. Anger. I know the look he has on his face, red is all he sees. I've seen it multiple times before when he gets like this sometimes even has blacked out from the anger and forgets what he says. We both aren't normal, I know that for a fact. . 

"Not good enough?" a deep scoff radiates from his chest. 

He steps over the clothes I just sorted and gets down on his knees in front of me looking me dead in the eyes, placing his hand under my chin so I can't look down, as I have a tendency of doing it. "You think I didn't wanna fuck you?" he bites his fucking lip. I don't know what to think I haven't seen him like this the way his voice rasps as he the words 'fuck you' like he's been holding it in for so long. He sounds lustful, Needy almost. He pulls my chin so his mouth meets my ear and takes a deep breath in like he is soaking me up. Fuck.  I never felt like this before and all he is doing is breathing. 

"You think I didn't see your purple panties before, love? Because I have and after I did unspeakable things in the shower holding myself back." he pulls back and looks me up and down with the most sinful eyes. Wrong time to be in just a sports bra and shorts cause' I can feel his gaze eating me without even touching me.  "Y-You saw?" he nods his head at me licking his lips. 

"Those shirts don't hide everything, sweets. As for those girls they were what I used to hold myself back from taking you, making you mine and consuming you all for myself. Don't forget it. You're one of the reasons I lose my mind." 

After saying his last words he presses a kiss on my forehead and stands up. "Now let's finishing packing we don't have a lot of time, sweets. I'ma need a fix after this. Ya know the deal."

Looking at him walking over to finish folding what he dropped and placing it in the box playing with his tongue ring between his teeth was a habit he picked up. I have no clue what to say. I guess I just read him wrong, but those repeat girls? He'll need to give me more on them even if it's been months since his last. My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest that I could have a heart attack and die at any moment. That voice I have heard before when he is stern with Hans and me. He only uses it when we're in trouble or he wants his point across. What did I bring out of him? but I  want to hear it again, no need to.

"What about the repeat customers? huh?" His eyes bolt over to me running his tongue on his inner cheek. 

"What bout’ em? cause' it's only one and she was escaping a situation-ship the same as me. Little unspoken contract Vi both escaping reality ended long ago. She worked out with hers, but will I get my own sweet escape? huh Vi?" 

I can't answer him cause in the back of my head Tae was that a sweet escape just like Jackson. He was doing exactly what I was doing escaping reality that we both were in. Maybe we aren't that different after all in some aspects. The way his voice rasped out 'my own sweet escape' runs chills through my body like a cold winter gust of wind. "We all want our own sweet escape Yoon." 

Push and pull. It's a game. Our game. 

"But will you be my sweet escape Vi?" he's never been this upfront he is pulling. No reeling me in like the largest fish in the pond wanting to just give up and let him, but it isn't fair we know if we cave now we both will blaze in hell's fire, but who doesn't get burned a little along the way?

"We'll see Yoon. Who will cave and become the sweet escape first." 

but what Violet doesn't know she already has become his sweet escape. He lost. He caved first. She has built a home. His utopia, hung up pictures, placed a rug, fuzzy blankets everywhere and those fucking stars. She already invaded his utopia and became the sweet escape. 

"You're on sweets. Ya know I love a challenge." he smirks 

He plays it off like she hasn't already ruled his life for years. The escape with the girls? nah that was just getting emotions out so his utopia wasn't clouded with fantasies. There is a reason he never looked the girls in the face one position ever. so he could zone into his fantasies even if it was just a daydream as he railed another girl. 

He just smirks and turns to my dresser starting to pack up the rest of my comfy clothes. I knew there was so much going on in his mind, I just wish I knew it all. Can't I be the one to know everything? But I know it needs to be earned, it won't be just given he’s just like me. We may have known each other for years and grown up together but we never pushed the boundary of our minds. Only one other person has been allowed in mine, Tae and it wasn't easily given at all. Just how much do I let him in? Before I leave. 

His back is faced away as he is taking out the folded pajamas of my second drawer of cozy clothes. Cozy clothes are my weakness. Clearly.  "Who is taking you there Vi?" 

Oh fuck. "Uh Taehyung." I bite down on my bottom lip. 

He doesn't just turn back, he slowly turns his gaze towards me and squints his eyes at me. raising my hands up in defense "Okay okay I know you don't love him, but it was before this." pointing my finger back and forth between him and I. 

"Also in my defense I didn't wanna take you away from the shop, and you can't move with a motorcycle Mister."  rolling my eyes at him. 

He scoffs and poking his tongue in his cheeks "Could've used Jin's or Ma's. Ya know I would've dropped everything to help. Also next time you roll your eyes at me you’ll regret it Vi."

“I guess we’ll just how bad I’ll regret it then.” 

Standing up, finishing my pile, taking the ‘not keeping’ portion just to throw it in a drawer I'll fix it when I get back. As soon as I get up he takes the clothes from me and places them in the drawer and mumbles 'I'll fix it when she's gone'  honestly I don't know what I'd do without him. He is always one step ahead of me. I wouldn't be able to make it without him. That's why I'm trying my best to not break it before it even has started.   

"I know you would've, but that's the issue I couldn't have asked you if a small part of it was running from you.  Now could I?" Placing the ‘keep clothes’ on the bed.  He grabs my wrist and pulls me around to look at him. 

"I'm a reason you are running?" His eyes show so much emotion. Pain. Guilt. Uncertainty. They shine with a million stars twinkling in them ready to fall. His emotions have always been a driving force for him. Which I love about him. He puts all of himself into everything, but it can be his weakness. 

Chewing on my bottom lip, unable to voice it to him. How do I tell him? I can't. He is staring me waiting intently under his breath he says 'fucking stop' and I don't know what that pertains to. Stop what? Yoongi lifts his hand, placing his thumb under my bottom lip and pulls it from my teeth crewing on it. "You gotta stop that. I can't take it Vi." 

"Can't take it?" his hand moves to my cheek, rubs it up and down. 

"For fucks sake please stop biting your lip, it's driving me insane. No more questions about it, just stop it Violet." afterward running his tongue ring across his teeth I can hear the metal going side to side under his teeth, a habit he got after getting it. He used my name, not just my nickname..all I can say is. "Okay." 

"Vi, I didn't mean to come off harsh I-"

"Nah I get it Yoon." I pull his hand away from my face and walk into the bathroom to start getting the things I won't use until getting to the new place. He in turn follows me of course he can never let things just be, squatting down, opening the cabinet to take out the hair tools I will not be using for the party needing to pack them up as I stand my eyes meeting him in the mirror. 

Locked eyes staring at each other he comes closer and reaches around to grab the hair tools out of my hands, setting them on the counter. "Vi." I hum in response. He hasn't taken his eyes off mine since I stood up. My heart races. Why does he make me feel this way when he talks in that low raspy voice, never did I look at it that way when I heard it before. Yeah it would make appearances in my dreams, but in real life I push all those away into my mind for later of course. 

My dreams are where I escape, learning how to lucid dream has been my only escape from this world. Besides when I’m with the three people, they can take me to solace for a little bit. Hans, Tae, and Yoongi. But sometimes I even need to escape them. 

  He steps behind me closer and I feel his chest against my back, taking a shaky deep breath trying to regulate my emotions. Hell I have looked some of the worst offenders in the eyes, but his make me crumble. It makes no sense. How can I look at people who have done the worst crimes imaginable, have a normal conversation with them but he says my name and I forget how to breathe. 

His hand runs down my arm leaving goosebumps littered on my skin as he makes his way down my forearm. "Do you know how hard it is holding in how much I want to fuck you? claim you. Make you mine." his fingers now playing with mine looking down to see his fingers skimming over mine lightly. "Look at me." 

His fingers stop and just clasps his hand around mine tightly. I lift my head and I'm met with the most intense gaze I have witnessed from him, hearing the metal scrape his teeth as he sucks in a breath. Placing my other hand on my hip as I look for some comfort in myself which only makes him pull my hand off myself, placing his hand where mine was. 

I feel insecure looking at him like this, being this close even though it's all I ever have wanted. "Want to know why I can't handle it huh?" 

"Please." Might as well be nice right? but another side of me is thinking about my black silk sheets in my dreams. The way they feel against my hand as I reach to grip them in my most unholiest of moments. 

Gripping my hip tighter and pushing me against the counter. "when you wear nothing but these-" pulling at the top of my shorts waistband letting them snap back to my body. Hand reaching up very slowly, his eyes look down at my sports bra and back up to my eyes. You think I'm gonna say no? Nah if I don't take my chance now my mind makes me think will I lose the one time I'll feel his touch like this. I'm greedy, I know another terrible habit of mine. I hear the metal again scraping, I wonder what he is thinking cause his hand has stopped at my rib cage. 

His hand on my rib cage makes it feel like they are crushing everything but also healing the heart that never has had a chance to breathe fully. The metal noise might just become my new euphoria in my dreams with the little smirk he displays.  

I feel his middle finger start to rub circles on my body and the feeling could send me to heaven and I'd get kicked out in the first five seconds from my thoughts. See you all in hell is all that i can think. 

"Your skin Vi has always been so soft, it's like those damn silk sheets. I wanna be wrapped up in you. Smothered by you, Fuck." he groans at the end of his sentence his eyes aren't trained on mine anymore but look at where his hand is. Yoongi looks like he is having a mental battle with himself. I can see it and feel it from the way he squeezes my other hand yet so gently with lightly rubbing circles on my skin. He's been easy to read for years for me. I know he has these battles. I just didn't know the extent until now. I need to give him some reassurance I don't want him going to war with himself. 

"What if I'd liked to be in your sheets with you wrapped up? Maybe I got you the black silk sheets to match mine, to make you think of me in your bed." 

He squeezes my hip, looks at me. "I've always thought of you Princess. You're getting me sidetracked from my thoughts." 

"Don't you mean pulling you into your thoughts Yoon."

He inhales harshly says "fuck it" under his breath lets go of my hip, pulls the hand where we're connected turns me around making me gasp in shock by his actions.   I automatically look up at him. I feel his knee placed between my thighs. "You're mine now,  Got it Violet?" 

"We're not official and we are not placing labels on this while I'm away." pointing my finger back and forth between him and I. As much as I want to say 'I'm yours' and get on my fucking knees for him I can't just cave and place something on this when I'm about to not even be here for a year or more. I need to be rational and not listen to my subby mind to submit to him like all I ever have wanted to do.

He places his hand on my jawline, thumb rubbing up and down on my cheek he really knows how to hit my spots. My weaknesses. It's taking everything in me not to rub up on his knee. "Baby you've always been mine since day one. We're intertwined, my little fish." 

I gulp letting out a breath that I have been holding in way too long. The air fills my lungs and I feel like I'm high. "What makes you say that?"

"Cause the moment I set my eyes on you as that dumb Immature boy you've always been the brightest thing in my life Vi, shining when everything else was dull."

His smile isn't just a small one it's his gummy smile that makes me turn into mush, taking his hand away from my face he places them both on the counter trapping me in "I need a fix VI." looking at his chest rising up and down "Well ya gotta let me out so I can go get one." tapping on his forearm. 

"You just don't get it Vi." he lets out a sigh and adjusts so his eyes are in line with mine. "You. You're the fix I need." the eyes that looked at me with so much guilt minutes ago he flips so fast and I'm not sure I can understand how he flips so quickly. Yeah I did some research on his disorder but I never looked at the way he flips so quickly in a way like that. 

He's always been Yoongi and that's how he is. I'm used to it but in this sense I don't know where to feed off of his emotions  back and forth. Do I ignore his question that started this all, wait for it to come back up? I don't know. I was always playing with fire and I didn't know it. "Please Vi, just this once. remember we're each other’s until you're gone. I need a fix before it's gone." he licks his lips. He's staring not at my eyes anymore but trained on my lips. Those eyes look like they have never been fed before aching for something. "I'm Yours unt-" he doesn't even let me finish before his lips are pressed on mine greedily taking what is his. 

My lips are moisturized as for him they are cracked and dry, can't ever get him to use damn chapstick unless I put it on for him. The pit of my stomach is turning just like those butterflies he always seems to make erupt within me. Our lips move in sync with his roughness, I can feel the need behind each movement he makes. His hands at some point find their way to my hips one is squeezing but the other? It's tapping one finger at time from his pinky to thumb.

 One. Two. Three. Four. Five. 

But somehow this feeling makes me sink in deep to my own desires of this like a damn meditation pulling me in. His tongue asks for permission and I don't think twice of it letting him, Feeling his tongue ring against my tongue it's different. I have always thought what it felt like hell I dream about it. It's just a piercing but it's him that makes it different. Euphoric. 

My chest is rising up and down,  my heart is beating so fast that you'd need a defibrillator to bring me back to life after this. Does he know what he is doing to me? I'm questioning everything I have pushed so far down. We both release for a second both taking rapid breaths he says 'fuck' under his many breath and he is still tapping on my hip over and over. Why? I don't know but I don't want it to stop it's better than the fucking squeezing at this point. 

"One more." he breathlessly says and just attaches back to my lips he doesn't ask for permission this time but just moves in sync with my lips guess he got his chapstick for today. He's taking all the moisture from my lips as he is devouring me for all that I'm worth.  We both pull away and hesitate to stop. I can feel it. I know he can also. He bites my lip and he pulls away slowly and releases it from his teeth ending with one last peck on my lips. 

Slowly opening my eyes I'm met with his head tilted up to the ceiling breathing readily. "God you're an angel and I'm just-" bringing his eyes down to look at me again "Lucifer dragging you to hell with me." 

"But what if I'm already in hell Luci. You just haven't run across me."  I blink up at him, his lips part and hear the metal scrap along his teeth. His lips curve up. 

"If that's the case, I've found you and you're not going anywhere my Lilith." he squeezes my hips with both hands this time letting go reaching my hair tools and turns to walk out the bathroom to the boxes spread out across the floor. "Y-yoon!" I rush to follow him into the bedroom and he's looking down at the box he placed them in. There is a light tent of red to his cheeks. There's my Yoon. It makes me smile a little but I can't tease him about it. "You can't just take all the packing for yourself! How will I know where's what?" 

He lifts his dead up and walks over to me with the light blush across his cheeks and bends down to my ear "Guess you're gonna have to pack me up too then." brushing against my shoulder and walking to the living room. 

"You can't pack everything Yoon!"  I rushed after him. He is already taking a picture of him and I on the wall for me to take. "Who says I can't, I know what you need, you forget I set this whole place up with Hans."He's just walking around me as I'm trying to keep up with him. 

For someone who doesn't like to move let alone can fall asleep wherever he is this is another side of him I rarely see. "Where is this Yoon all the time?" he scoffs. "Don't get used to it. I'm still the sleep deprived Yoon you know who can sleep hours and still be sleepy. I just can't waste any time with you Vi." he is grabbing the tape and tapes up a box. "Not like I don't know what you need to survive." Crossing my arms leaning on the door frame. "and what's that?" adding emphasis on every word spoken to him. 

"Your purple pajamas, cuties, fuzzy blankets, fuzzy socks for winter, silk sheets, vanilla scented bubble bath, reassurance constantly and not in a bad way, and Hans." He's forgetting one thing but do I call him out on it? hell yes. 

"You're forgetting one thing." he slowly walks up to me eyes scanning up and down my body there goes that fucking metal. I'll be hearing in my dreams for the rest of my days in my silk sheets. I'm sure I'll spend countless nights there by myself. "Oh yeah? Tell me Lils." He never was one for names but now he is making a nickname out of a nickname? Doesn't shock me at all. 

"You Yoon." biting on my bottom lip I never have been this blunt let alone to him. He steps closer and tapping my chin like when he puts my helmet on when our eyes meet his are glittered with millions of glitter shining back at me. "Good Girl. Silly me, how can I forget about me? guess I just always have wrapped you up in my silk sheets taking you everywhere with me."

"What do you mean Yoons?" I blink in confusion. 

"Another time princess. Let's get you packed so we can finish this night off right. projector and stars." he kisses my forehead but it isn't just a peck he lingers there for a second before he pulls away smiling at me. I know not to push farther; we already have pushed way too many boundaries for now. "Okays Yoons, but you can't do everything!" 

"Try and stop me sweets." he shrugs as he walks to clear out my nightstand. "Also we will be talking about why you were runnin’ from me." 

I guess he didn't forget about it, just his emotions come out in waves changing paths quickly and I need to understand it more. Maybe I can ask Jin? or maybe do more research. I just want to learn every little quirk he has and why he does it.  Some things I got to witness but others I'm seeing how he toned them down with me. It just makes me wonder why he was toning down for my sake or his own. I'm seeing different sides to the man I have been infatuated with since I was a little girl and it makes me want to learn all of them. This time away I want to learn everything I can. Start from the beginning, learning about him not just through him being my friend's protective older brother, but for Min Yoongi, the man that takes me to my own little heaven in hell.

Thank you for reading. ₊˚⊹♡

Previous | Next Chapter 8.5

All rights belong to @/Yoon-Topias. Do not copy/ translate.

[flieslikeamoron]

WIP WEDNESDAY

I went in my WIP folder and dug out a little something for the steddies. I'm not actively working on it right now, but I think it's the one steddie WIP I haven't shared anything from before. It's a Jury Duty AU where Eddie is one of the actors and Steve is the one guy who doesn't know he's on a tv show. I never got much farther than this, but it was gonna be that thing where you have a spark with someone and it could really be something, but they have no idea you're playing a character on a tv show.

--

Eddie Munson never set out to be an actor. He came to L.A. with rock star dreams. He was going to play The Roxy. He was going to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. But in L.A. big dreams are a dime a dozen. And they don’t pay the rent. 

He dreams smaller now. He’s not so much shooting for the cover of Rolling Stone as steady session work. A couple regular gigs that don’t pay in beer and “exposure” seem almost as unattainable as The Forum. He makes rent by filling the gap with his part-time bartending gig and whatever else he can scrounge up. That’s where the acting comes in. It’s mostly background work, but he’s pulled a couple lines in a regional car commercial, a couple low budget horror things he’s not sure ever got released, a bad roommate on a sitcom that thankfully got cancelled after five or six episodes, and the prime role of “stoner” in a medium popular Melissa McCarthy movie. 

He has an imdb page. Which is kind of embarrassing. Not just because seeing his pathetic credits listed out like that makes him feel pathetic. But also because even the shitty little parts he gets are parts people with big acting dreams are desperately fighting for. Scrambling for any foothold. And he doesn’t even want them, not really. He’s just taking what he can get to keep his music career on life support. 

He kept putting off getting that SAG card, and yeah, partly it was the fucking $3,000 fee. But he could’ve scraped the money together if he sold some of his gear or took on more shifts at the bar. The real reason he kept putting it off was because sinking that much money into acting would be admitting the music’s never going to take off. That all those dreams have been reduced to a line on the back of his headshot. Special skills: Plays guitar. 

He shouldn’t complain. He’s had plenty of friends who washed out back to the small towns they were running from. Or ended up at the dreaded nine to five, dying inch by inch behind a desk. His life isn’t what he thought, but it beats where he came from. And it’s not boring. He’s met interesting people. He’s done weird shit. 

This new job, though. This has to be the weirdest thing he’s ever done. And he played a killer in a hot dog outfit once, so he knows from weird. He still isn't even totally sure how he got it. The callback was mostly improv. He’s never done improv. He did used to play a ton of DnD back in his misspent youth, so maybe that helped. Apparently whatever he did was good enough because he got it.

The shoot is over a month long. It'll be the most money he’s ever made on a single gig. But it’s- He doesn’t even know how to explain it. They didn’t even explain it to him until he got the job because the whole thing is so top-secret. It’s a reality show, but not really. The most elaborate and expensive prank Eddie’s ever heard of. All to trick one poor rube into thinking he’s doing jury duty. To see how he reacts to a bunch of people he doesn’t know are actors throwing absolutely ridiculous shit at him for weeks at a time.

The rehearsals were kind of fun. Meeting the other actors. Figuring out how they’re going to pull this off. The scope of it still boggles Eddie’s mind. Production has built an entire alternate reality for this guy, whoever he’s going to be. But the thing you don’t really think about when you’re on the Truman Show, and you’re not Truman, is all the actors are going to be living it too. He’s going to have to be on all day, every day like some kind of weird improv endurance challenge. 

When they finally hand out the dossier on the mark (there’s a fucking dossier) Eddie starts to get cold feet. He can’t back out now, not really. He’s contractually obligated to go through with it at this point. But he looks at the picture of the guy. Steve. He’s a good-looking guy. Pretty smile. He’s a real person. And Eddie’s going to have to lie right to this guy’s good-looking face for weeks. 

Eddie’s not even a real actor! How is he going to pull this shit off? He can bullshit with the best of them, but there’s never been an entire production resting on his ability to sell a lie. What if he’s the one that blows it? Ruins this entire thing, all this money and effort. All these jobs down the drain, everything wasted. The whole thing is crazy. He can’t do it. 

But there’s the contract. And there’s the money. Enough to buy his own studio time, work on his own music.

“Is this freaking you out?” Eddie asks Sandra over lunch. They’ve spent the morning walking through the crucial jury selection scene, the first test of whether the guy's gonna figure out something's up right from go. It’s a hybrid of scripted, but flexible to accommodate the fact that Steve’s not scripted. Steve could do anything. And it’s on all of the rest of them to not freeze up. To be natural, but guide him as close to the planned bits as they can. To convince him that nothing weird is going on when something weird is so going on.

“I’m nervous,” she admits. “I don’t want to be the one-”

“That fucks it up,” Eddie finishes.

“Exactly that.” 

[theaawalker]

Character tropes are a writer's bread and butter, for better or worse. Because of this, it can be easy for your characters to be mistaken, copied, and boxed in with others. Especially in this industry, it's important to stand out. What’s the difference between a flat character and a well-rounded character? How do writers bring a character to life on the page? When it comes to character development, these are central questions—especially when it comes to using character tropes...

[ ~ a world that's waiting up for me ~ ]

What Are Character Tropes?

The word “trope” refers to a common motif or pattern in a work of art. In the context of fiction, character tropes refer to common attributes or even entire stock characters. The word trope comes from the Greek word 'tropos' meaning “to turn.” Originally it referred to rhetorical devices that a writer uses to develop an argument. Character tropes can be useful in fiction, but when overused, they can detract from a story.

Common Character Tropes

Every genre of storytelling has its own stable of common character types, and as a storyteller it’s worth being aware of them. Here are nine of the most common:

1. The chosen one:

The chosen one is a common fantasy trope. Their identity typically revolves around a task that’s been set aside for them, which they typically pursue without much hesitation or complication. Like Frodo Baggins, Luke Skywalker, and Harry Potter, the chosen one is often, conveniently, an orphan.

2. The damsel in distress:

One of the most common and pernicious types of female character tropes, the damsel in distress, whatever form she takes, is a passive figure who exists mostly as an object for the hero to save. Even versions of the character who turn out to be a little more plucky than expected (think Princess Fiona from Shrek or Princess Leia from Star Wars) have become their own subset of this creaky old trope.

3. The femme fatale:

A mysterious and seductive woman who uses her sex appeal to seduce and entrap her enemies, the femme fatale is a popular character trope in hardboiled mysteries. In many ways, the femme fatale is an updated version of supernatural witches or sorceresses. It’s no spoiler to say that she nearly always leads men to destruction. Sharon Stone, Uma Thurman, and Eartha Kitt are the queens of this trope. <3

4. The girl next door:

The small-town girl with a heart of gold is, in many ways the opposite of the femme fatale. A common film and TV trope, the girl next door is innocent, kind, and wholesome. In other words, she’s the embodiment of domestic femininity and typically a candidate for the male protagonist’s love interest. Take Mary Jane Watson for instance.

5. The mad scientist:

Going back to Dr. Frankenstein (or any number of sorcerer antecedents), the mad scientist is usually a villain, driven by an eccentric, antisocial personality and unrestrained hubris or a desire to play god. The mad scientist’s benign counterpart is the nerdy “absent-minded professor” who’s so engrossed by their work that they struggle to relate to “normal people.”

6. The trusty sidekick:

Like the damsel in distress, the trusty sidekick typically has no life outside their relationship to the main character and their quest. Whether the sidekick is a loyal companion, like Samwise in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, a faithful butler, or a chatty best friend—as in any number of romance novels—their main quality is that they have no story of their own.

7. The wise old man:

Sometimes an actual wizard, sometimes just an old guy who’s seen his share, the wise old man is a long-enduring stock figure who usually imparts some special wisdom to the protagonist. Dumbledore, Master Oogway, Gandalf, and Master Miyagi.

8. The dumb muscle:

Based on the idea that it’s impossible to be smart and fit at the same time, the dumb muscle is an exceedingly common minor character, especially in action and adventure stories. As a bad guy the dumb muscle is easily outsmarted or otherwise bested by the main character. X-Men's Juggernaut is a prime example.

9. The antihero:

Antiheroes are typically cynical loners with major personality flaws, often darkly appealing bad boys. Like normal heroes, the antihero still drives the story, but often to a more amoral place. Tony Soprano, Red Arrow, Emma Frost, and the grittier versions of Batman are all prime examples of modern antiheroes. These days, antiheroes are almost as common as idealized heroes.

5 Tips for Avoiding Character Tropes

Character tropes aren’t good or bad in and of themselves. In some types of fiction, especially epics, satires, and more plot-driven forms of fiction, the use of stock characters can be expected and even desirable. The problem is when writers lean so heavily on these tropes that they’re no longer telling an original story. This is the point where archetypal characters can bleed into stereotypes. In order to avoid (or at least complicate) character tropes, you’ll need to develop a richer sense of your characters. Here are a few tips:

1. Figure out what your characters really want.

One reason writers lean on stereotypes is because they don’t know their characters well enough. Instead of playing to type, spend some time figuring out what really motivates your characters. Are they driven by a need to belong? By a thirst for knowledge? By a desire to be recognized? These super-objectives may lead your characters to buck their outward roles in interesting ways.

2. Look for opportunities to subvert tropes.

If you find yourself drawn to certain tropes, look for ways to undermine them. While this sort of self-conscious style may not be right for every story, it can be especially compelling in the context of genres that traditionally rely on tropes: think fantasy novels, horror movies, love stories, westerns, and other popular genres.

3. Get to know your characters outside the story.

A common writing exercise is to develop backstories for your major characters. Imagine them in real life. Ask yourself questions about your characters, like: What was this person like in high school? What objects are on their nightstand? How do they get along with their families? While seemingly inconsequential, these questions can help you get a sense of the individuality of your characters, rather than just thinking of them as adhering to a common type.

4. Allow your characters’ personalities to change.

Again, there are types of stories where characters may remain static, but in general, it’s important for readers to feel like your character changes (or at least has the potential to change) over the course of the story. Remember, the change need not always be positive, but there should be some sense that the experience they’ve had has marked them in some way.

5. Avoid clichéd situations.

Sometimes the issue isn’t with the characters you’ve developed but the scenario in which you’ve placed them. If you’ve created a pair of star-crossed lovers who are meant to fall for one another at first sight, it’ll be hard not to make the situation feel hackneyed—no matter how well-drawn your lovers are. If you’re only thinking in terms of common plot tropes, it may be hard to get your characters out of them. If you’re working in a science fiction or fantasy setting, this is where worldbuilding might help you find more interesting angles to explore.

Want to Learn More About Writing?

Follow me here (theaawalker)

...On Instagram (_.sincerelyme._)

...On Twitter (theaawalker)

...Or Tiktok (@.the.aa.walker)

I post my fandom imagines, too. Check out my latest one here.

Did I mention I'm publishing a book soon?! If you're interested in YA fantasy, fiction, and philosophy, then see my website, newsletter, or email me at guardiansofcamoria@yahoo.com for updates.

[imminent-danger-came]

DO YOU THINK NINE HEADED DEMON(DISGUISED AS ONE OF THE KINGS) WORKED WITH WUKONG WHEN MK WAS BORN. Think about it Wukong getting told save the unborn thing in this rock by one of the ten kings give it a chance to live bring it to the best place you know(the home of a former friend). The flashback of Wukong standing, anticipating waiting for it to open. Wukong denying he knew to Macaque— why would he reveal he’s worked alongside a king of hell to ensure MKs safety

Hm, that's not impossible! I don't know if it structurally makes sense to have that reveal in s6, unless it was tied into an explanation of like...why Wukong became a mentor in the first place/how MK made it to Pigsy's/even what happened with the Pilgrims and why they're here now (which is something that Wukong never answered after Macaque asked).

Tbqh, I'm unsure if 5x01 is Wukong lying, or if it's meant to be taken at face Value, you know. He could totally be telling the truth in that scene!

There are also a few other details I'm curious about, like the eye of MK's monkey statue being cracked, or even the area around the birth stone being all...ravaged.

Currently, I kinda feel like it's the end of the s3 special and I don't have much to work with when it comes to predictions, you know. There are a lot of different directions everything could go! I also think in general, it's less obvious what MK's arc will be next season.

Also there's this parallel:

Sun Wukong: "Whatever the goddess and destiny has planned for you...you came from the same stone I did. Destiny can't have you—it can have me instead." MK: "No, Monkey King!" Sun Wukong: "The world needs you more than it needs me! Bud, thank you...for everything."

(5x09 Sacrifice)

-

Nine: "Good luck MK! You and whatever's left, you'll need it. You've just opened the cage!" MK: "Wait, what do you mean- WAIT!" Nine: "Thank you...for everything."

(5x10 Harbinger)

-

Like, whatever the fuck this means

[threerattsinatrenchcoat]

A little something for Wyll week :)

Date

Many years had passed since Wyll left his hometown, and while he hadn't planned on returning with horns he was glad to be back. Glad, too, that most people weren't as hostile here as he'd feared they could be, and glad to be sleeping in the finest (cleanest) room in Elfsong, Karlach alive and ready to play cards whenever they weren't needed. He could nearly pretend they weren't gearing up to fight a giant brain. A monster hunter's pinnacle! That was how he would think about it.

Bird song filled the morning air, his tea steamed, Karlach had claimed the table they liked outside and he'd just opened to the crossword when a familiar tickling hit his frontal lobe and a voice like rotten treacle cooed, "Wylly!"

Twenty-four. He didn't answer. He never answered when Mizora used his sending stone. If she wanted an answer, she could talk to him out loud, not through his eye, in a voice that didn't sound like she was trying to cover up poison with honey.

"It's her, isn't it?" Karlach said. "You always get this look like you're going to vomit out of your ears."

"Glad I've finally taught the pup not to jump all over me when I call," Mizora crooned.

Nine. Nine more words until the stone stopped working for the day and she would be out of his brain.

"Today's a special date."

Five. Gods, whatever she was going to say would be awful.

"Why don't you just—" Karlach tapped the side of her eye.

Excellent idea. He popped his eye out and set it on the table, catching a faint, "Happy—" before she was gone. Only four words left in the spell, but they were probably vile.

"She's reminding me that today the anniversary of the day I signed," he explained.

"Really? The day you single-handedly saved the city? That calls for celebration. We should make a day of it! We could buy you an eye. A shut-up eye."

"Or go to the circus again. This time without a deranged clown attack. We could get more makeup and sneak it into Astarion's bag."

"One day he's going to kill us."

"Nah, it's all in good fun. Now, if we put it on him while he was trancing…"

"Wyll. I thought you were a good guy!"

Wyll held up his hands, palms out. "I am! I am."

Karlach picked up the eye and made a face. "Gods, she is so mean in only four words. How do I work this again?"

"You simply think—"

"Fuck you, too!"

"No, you think… wait. I have a better idea."

Wyll took it. He wasn't a musician, but he did currently room with a bard who loved to come up with the most earworm-y diddies and even Mizora had lost her cool over the most recent song. In his thoughts he sang, "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, you know my lodgings, call on me, maybe."

Just to give Mizora something to mull over. Enrichment was very important for devilish contract holders.

Karlach leaned back, looking up at their room. A tenday ago Tav finally hit a breaking point—Tav, of all people!—and turned Mizora to stone. Luckily the spell didn't trigger anything in their contract, which made sense; Mizora was technically still alive and technically able to communicate. "Wanna go dress her up? What would she hate more? Clashing pinks or something that actually covers skin?"

"According to her, I have the worst taste in fashion. So, my clothes."

"Your clothes in pink!"

Wyll could do that. He looked good in pink.

"All of the above, with clown makeup," he suggested.

"It's a date."

[risingsh0t]

hello my bestie... n and m for the oc initials 🫶

HELLO BESTIE 🥰

mariah: my rook for datv hehe. including her just for the smallest bit of lore i have... she's a (human) orphan from antiva that stowed away on a merchant ship and was found by the captain. he put her to work on the crew, bc why not, can always use an extra hand even if she's only nine 💀 but not long after, he ends up losing a ton of money and business so he sells her to the crows for whatever he can get. there will be More lore of her time with the crows eventually but tbd!

maris starling: my fo3 lone wanderer. ahhh. my homesick, lonely babygirl. she's so kind and determined but is constantly afraid people are going to leave her. dogmeat and butch really change her perspective there, but it takes a while. post-game she's a bit of a horticulturist and still helps with project purity. she still has some contacts in the brotherhood but doesn't associate with them much anymore.

melina holmes: resident evil. moved to raccoon city with her husband to continue her paramedic training. unfortunately it was a ruse bc her husband actually works for umbrella. she teams up with leon and ends up becoming his partner when they start working for the government, but they don't admit their feelings until re4 🫶🏼 melina eventually has like. a boss fight with her ex bc he's insane. there's also a whole plot with her adoptive sister, who also betrayed her! SHDHDHDH

nell tsang: coral island. she is so baby. formerly a part-time model and part-time veterinary assistant. she was really working to make rent until she gets her family's farm on a TROPICAL ISLAND. there was no hesitation. and now she's thriving bc she loves the ocean and being outdoors. you'll generally find her diving or volunteering at the animal shelter!

nicole "nicki" ortiz: stranger things/frank stone. in both verses her mom marries another man, august, and he becomes a big part of her story after her mom dies. in st she has a baby half sister that she's trying so hard to protect from the horrors while mourning her multiple losses (sorry girl). her relationship with steve and how it unfolds is so special to me tho. in frank stone she's trying to make movies with her chaotic friend group...and there may also be losses. but she's enemies to lovers with christine <3 bickering directors my beloved

[jupitersdescendant]

hii lovely people! hope everyone is doing as well as possible. can’t believe it’s been over a year since my last reading… a lot of sh*t has happened in my life but i’m so glad to be back, finally! thanks to those of you who are still here :)

todays topic: blessings coming to you this spring

here’s how it works: close your eyes and meditate on the question for a little. if you feel ready, open your eyes and choose the pile you feel the most drawn to. it’s possible, that you’ll be attracted to more than one pile. please remember that this is a general reading so only take what resonates. this is for entertainment purposes only. lastly, tarot is only a guide, nothing is set in stone and at the end of the day you have the power over your own life.

Pile 1

cards: six of cups (rx), page of cups, strength. back of the deck: the magician.

hii pile 1!!

i’m seeing that there’s recently been a big change or rather an upheaval regarding your home life/living situation. some of you may have moved out and it didn’t go as well as planned. no matter the situation, it all happened rather suddenly. it seems like many of you feel like the ground was swept from under your feet and you were left feeling vulnerable. you could’ve been struggling with reoccurring headaches. there’s a big focus on independence and standing on your on feet this spring. i’m seeing that you’ll be blessed with affection. for some of you this means that someone from your past may reenter your life and this time around you will get the chance to appreciate them the right way, probably more in a platonic/friend way but it could differ for everyone. you two could come together after parting because of a fight. for others this affection is coming in through someone new entering your life and awakening your romantic side. it actually looks like some of you may even fall in love and for a couple of you this could mean for the very first time in your life since there’s a feeling of innocence here. this is random but fish could carry a special meaning for you during this time, wether you see a symbol or real ones or even here about them, they’re definitely a sign for you. this spring you will find that your inner strength will carry you through whatever is going on in your life. you may have to juggle a couple of things but that strength will help you build a comfortable foundation within yourself. there’s a lot of water energy in this pile and i’m seeing that you’ll be blessed with good intuition and that you’ll also trust your own judgment more. you will awaken more to your spiritual side since spirituality will play a big role to you this season. it’s also one of the reasons why you may feel stronger and more sure of yourself. even though you probably won’t enter this spring under the best of circumstances, you’ll find that you’re blessed with what it takes to persist any incoming obstacles. with an active and confident energy you can move towards the life that you want and find that it’s already waiting for you.

extra advice:

- embrace the changes even if you don’t feel ready or prepared yet

- see the good that is already in your life, there are blessings all around

- put your strength into something positive

- trust the divine timing of the universe

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 2

cards: page of swords, judgement, nine of swords (rx). back of the deck: the devil (rx)

hii pile 2!

so it looks like there’s a person of romantic interest in your life but it doesn’t seem you’re official and probably more like somehow waiting on them? it doesn’t feel like there’s really something going on between you two and even if there is, it seems that the situation is standing still and you’re waiting for them or for something to happen. i’m sorry to break it to you, dear, but i don’t think that this is really going anywhere and that you shouldn’t wait anymore and accept that it’s rather unlikely for the situation to improve if you relate to the scenario i’m describing. since it looks like this person isn’t even an active part of your life anymore (at least for most of you), i think you should release what’s in the past and not be still hung up on them. sorry if this sounds harsh, i only want whats best for you! i think this spring will help you realise that the situationship you may be in is only holding you back and that you should detach yourself from this. i now this really doesn’t sound like a blessing yet but through letting go you’ll be blessed with an awakening and will find your inner calling. you’ll also overcome a lot of anxiety and will learn to cope in a healthier way when dealing with your mental struggles. i think that you’ll really flourish this spring. i’m seeing you stepping into your “king”- energy and yes, everybody can embody the energy i’m talking about. in this case it means that you’ll be full of strength and warmth and that you’ll embrace more of the leader energy in yourself. you don’t necessarily need to lead people since that’s definitely not for everyone but it’s more like the vibe and mentality a leader carries. you may also inspire others with that change you made within yourself. the number three could be a sign from the universe to you showing you that you’re on the right path. you’re probably not the best when it comes to confrontation or standing up for yourself but this spring will help you leave this behaviour behind for your own good. i’m not gonna lie, this whole process will be kind of exhausting though it will bring you much more happiness once you’re through with it. in doing so you’ll be reclaiming your power and be blessed with a lot of internal freedom and independence. this season will also bless you with optimism.

extra advice:

- work to regain your confidence

- learn ways to strengthen your opinion of yourself

- show your inner light to the world and let your personality shine through

- if you have been dwelling on your past, try finding the light or blessings of each memory and release them with love

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

Pile 3

cards: eight of cups, three of wands, nine of pentacles. back of the deck: five of cups

hi pile 3!!

i’m seeing that you’ve recently had to leave something behind. what exactly that is will differ for everyone but all of you had to walk away from something. this was a very difficult decision for you but you had to do for your own wellbeing. your focus now will be on solitude and what you’ll find through it. this is a time of soul searching and looking for your own path. i think it was very hard for you to leave this “something” behind and that you resisted making this decision for a long time because you were really afraid what this change would bring you. i’m here to tell you that this will have a purely positive outcome for you since you can finally move forward. you can be proud of yourself. this change will bless you with happy outcomes. you may find joy in exploring new things and travelling this spring. a couple of you could even be blessed with luck regarding money. in order to reap your rewards you should try to let go of selfishness and jealousy, of course everyone experiences these emotions but i think that you could get hung up on these feelings and really harm yourself and maybe even others in doing so. if you manage to do this, there’s only prosperity waiting on the other side of you. blessings in form of more freedom, security and independence will flow toward you (reoccurring theme for every pile it seems lol). i’m hearing that you’ll rise like a phoenix from the ashes. the past few weeks or even months could’ve been a real emotional struggle for you and you felt very lonely. some of you experienced a great loss in your life that left you in sadness and despair. i think you will be happy to hear that love will find your life again, wether this is romantically or platonically will differ for everyone but just know that you’re not alone. this spring will bless you with feeling more in harmony within yourself and also with others.

extra advice:

- create the shift within yourself required to attract what you want

- be tender and patient with yourself and those around you

- trust you will attain all you are yearning for

- be ready for the many opportunities coming to you

- this is the time to go within for answers, to find inner strength and to tap into deep emotions

let me know if it resonates! have a great day/night 🖤

🔮 thanks a lot for reading 🔮

[czolgosz]

i went to a used book sale today... procured:

railroad color history: new york central railroad (brian solomon & mike schafer) — i'm not actually that into trains but it appealed to me.

the complete guide to the soviet union (jennifer louis & victor louis) — travel guide from 1980

an anthology including the big sleep (raymond chandler), "the undignified melodrama of the bone of contention" (dorothy l. sayers), "the arrow of god" (leslie charteris), "i can find my way out" (ngaio marsh), instead of evidence (rex stout), "rift in the loot" (stuart palmer & craig rice), "the man who explained miracles" (john dickson carr), & rebecca (daphne du maurier) (i already have this one..) — it's volume 2 of something (a treasury of great mysteries) which annoys me but whatever

an anthology including "godmother tea" (selena anderson), "the apartment" (t. c. boyle), "a faithful but melancholy account of several barbarities lately committed" (jason brown), "sibling rivalry" (michael byers), "the nanny" (emma cline), "halloween" (mariah crotty), "something street" (carolyn ferrell), "this is pleasure" (mary gaitskill), "in the event" (meng jin), "the children" (andrea lee), "rubberdust" (sarah thankam mathews), "it's not you" (elizabeth mccracken), "liberté" (scott nandelson), "howl palace" (leigh newman), "the nine-tailed fox explains" (jane pek), "the hands of dirty children" (alejandro puyana), "octopus vii" (anna reeser), "enlightenment" (william pei shih), "kennedy" (kevin wilson), & "the special world" (tiphanie yanique) — i guess they're all short stories published in 2020 by usamerican/canadian authors

an anthology including the death of ivan ilyich (leo tolstoy) (i have already read this one..), the beast in the jungle (henry james), heart of darkness (joseph conrad), seven who were hanged (leonid andreyev), abel sánchez (miguel de unamuno), the pastoral symphony (andré gide), mario and the magician (thomas mann), the old man (william faulkner), the stranger (albert camus), & agostino (alberto moravia)

the ambassadors (henry james)

the world book desk reference set: book of nations — it's from 1983 so this is kind of a history book...

yet another fiction anthology......... including the general's ring (selma lagerlöf), "mowgli's brothers" (rudyard kipling), "the gift of the magi" (o. henry) (i have already read this one..), "lord mountdrago" (w. somerset maugham), "music on the muscatatuck" (jessamyn west), "the pacing goose" (jessamyn west), "the birds" (daphne du maurier), "the man who lived four thousand years" (alexandre dumas), "the pope's mule" (alphonse daudet), "the story of the late mr. elvesham" (h. g. wells), "the blue cross" (g. k. chesterton), portrait of jennie (robert nathan), "la grande bretèche" (honoré de balzac), "love's conundrum" (anthony hope), "the great stone face" (nathaniel hawthorne), "germelshausen" (friedrich gerstäcker), "i am born" (charles dickens), "the legend of sleepy hollow" (washington irving), "the age of miracles" (melville davisson post), "the long rifle" (stewart edward white), "the fall of the house of usher" (edgar allan poe) (i have already read this one..), the voice of bugle ann (mackinlay kantor), the bridge of san luis rey (thornton wilder), "basquerie" (eleanor mercein kelly), "judith" (a. e. coppard), "a mother in mannville" (marjorie kinnan rawlings), "kerfol" (edith wharton), "the last leaf" (o. henry), "the bloodhound" (arthur train), "what the old man does is always right" (hans christian anderson), the sea of grass (conrad richter), "the sire de malétroit's door" (robert louis stevenson), "the necklace" (guy de maupassant) (i have already read this one..), "by the waters of babylon" (stephen vincent benét), a. v. laider (max beerbohm), "the pillar of fire" (percival wilde), "the strange will" (edmond about), "the hand at the window" (emily brontë) (i have already read this one..), & "national velvet" (enid bagnold) — why are seven of these chapters of novels....? anyway fun fact one of the compilers here also worked on the aforementioned mystery anthology. also anyway Why did i bother to write all that ☹️

fundamental problems of marxism (georgi plekhanov) — book about dialectical/historical materialism which is published here as the first volume of something (marxist library) which is kind of odd to me tbh

one last (thankfully tiny) anthology including le père goriot (honoré de balzac) & eugénie grandet (honoré de balzac)

[rennsdeaddoves]

The Underground

within the world of the sweetness of rot, I have changed a few things around and added.

one of the things I have added is a place called the underground/underworld, where demons live without fear of heaven or mortal law. So long as they stay within the underground they can do whatever they want.

It is a massive chasm that was found by demons long ago after the pilgrimage when mountains were no longer safe to home demons. It spans many, many miles and is separated into districts, each one distinct from the other. In the underground the strong rule the weak, there are no other laws, the demons don’t believe in them.

Stone district; the weak and minor demons are confined to the stone district. Those without name or worth to them, goblins, imps, etc. usually murders don’t happen in this district, petty theft yes.

Iron district; henchmen can be found here, stronger but still weak as hell demons. Murders begin to appear cause some demons in the iron district do have tempers and fights are much more common than you’d like to think.

Crystal district; strong to otherworldly demons call the Crystal district their home. It is the most chaotic and disorderly, fights breakout everywhere and murder is like breathing here. Turn into an alley and your sure to see a dead body or two.

Jade District; for the strongest and mightiest of them all. At the head of the Jade district is the bull demon family because they have the most strength and worth in the entire underground. The Jade district is the most civilized demons here actually have a mediocre (at best) court system so when one great family is wronged by another it goes through the judgement of the bull family so that civil war does not break out. Demons of this district have a special way to get past the Jade guards that keep watch.

Within each district, there are pre-districts, more like sects but they are called prefectures. Demons will usually flock to a specific prefecture while staying in their district (this usually only happens in the Crystal district). Or the prefecture will house demons of a specific talent or trade

Stone district;

Igneous prefecture - you want some quick hired help, here’s where you get it. A lot of gangs make this place there stomping grounds.

Iron district;

Copper prefecture - armour and weapons are made here (though if you find the wrong person they will scam the shit outta you)

Gold prefecture - were the currency of the underground is made for the more wealthy demons (Jade district peeps)

Crystal District;

there are so many prefectures in this district that only a few have an actual purpose.

Agate prefecture

Opal prefecture

Jasper prefecture

Quartz prefecture

Amber prefecture

Moonstone prefecture - anything involving magic can be found here (spells, potions, tomes, rituals, weapons, etc)

Ruby prefecture

Pyrite prefecture

Obsidian prefecture - the most dangerous place in the entire underground.

the Jade District has no prefectures, but it is home to the Bull Demon Family (they rule the underground as the strongest family), the Azure Lion has an estate in the jade district (though he usually likes to stay away from the underground unless necessary) , Yellow Tusk, Peng, the nine-tailed vixen, and several other high ranking demons all live here.