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shemarmooresfedora · 4 years ago

Note

hi baby congratulations on 300!!!🥳 i’m so glad to be here ! 💗🤍💗🤍✨⭐️

you know i’m obsessed w ur fics so, i am gently begging you to write something w prompts “can i paint your nails” “i’m going to steal this from you” and “people don’t compliment you enough” (sorry i forgot the numbers :( ) pleeeease? 🥺🥺

(sorry if it’s too much) thanks, i love u <3

It’s a Love Story

Summary: It’s senior skip day and you’re determined to pull your best friend of 10 years (and secret crush) out of his comfort zone.

Pairing: High School Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (but imagine Spencer is 18 so he is the normal high school senior age)

Content/Warnings: fluff, swearing, bullying

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: this fic is very self-indulgent because my senior skip day was yesterday! :)

Masterlist

“Hey, Spence! Wait up,” you jogged down the hall to catch up with him.

“Hey, Y/N. How’d your math test go?” Spencer asked.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” you groaned, “Thank you for trying to tutor me last night but I think I’m a lost cause at this point. It’s too late in the school year to care.”

“Did you know that ‘senioritis’ can actually be categorized as situational depression? In 2009, 22% of colleges decided to revoke some admissions offers after students began to slack off at the end of their senior year,” Spencer stated.

“Oh, trust me, genius, I may not be as smart as you but I’m not dumb enough to lose my scholarship to UCLA. I did the math out and even if I completely bombed this unit test, I can still maintain my A average,” you replied.

“I never said you weren’t smart, I was just warning you. I don’t want you to lose your spot at your dream school,” Spencer explained, “People don’t compliment you enough for all the hard work you put in to get accepted there.”

“Well, thanks for looking out for me, Spence,” you smiled, taking a seat in the back corner of the classroom.

Spencer sat right in front of you and turned around in his seat, “Do you have any homework?”

“Nope. My study hall is wide open just as expected. The teachers are losing just as much steam as the students,” you grinned, unzipping your backpack and pulling out nail polish.

“Can I paint your nails?” you asked.

“Y/N, don’t you think I get made fun of enough?” he whispered back.

“Girls love when guys paint their nails and if any guys try to give you shit, I’ll personally kick their ass. I took a self-defense course but I’ll use those moves I learned however I see fit,” you said.

“Fine,” Spencer relented, extending his hand out to you.

Spencer was honestly sold once you said that girls love it. That must include you, right?

“It’s purple too. Your favorite color,” you smiled, shaking the bottle up and then beginning to paint his nails.

Spencer thought it was cute that you picked up on his habit of sticking your tongue out of the corner of your mouth when you were concentrating.

“Isn’t it pretty?” you beamed as you worked on the second coat of polish.

“Yeah,” Spencer replied, not looking at his nails but the girl directly in front of him.

You gently blew air on his nails to dry them, “All done!”

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the teacher’s pet?” Brad, the captain of the football team, smirked as Spencer passed through the hallways after his math team practice ended.

“Wow, nail polish? And to think you couldn’t become any more of a loser?” he sneered as the jocks began to encircle around Spencer.

“Spence, there you are! I’ve been looking for you all over. Let’s go, we’re going to be late,” you walked right into the crowd of boys, paying no mind to them and grabbing Spencer’s hand, pulling him towards the exit.

“Don’t look back,” you whispered.

“You know one day your little girlfriend there is going to realize what a pathetic nerd you are. I’ll be ready to show her what a real man is,” Brad called after you.

“Oh yes, Brad, a real man goes to community college to hang on to the scraps of his mediocre football career that is his only reminder of when he peaked in high school,” you laughed.

“Y/N, he’s going to kill me for that,” Spencer groaned after you exited the building.

“Relax, we have three days left and then we won’t ever have to see that dick again,” you assured him.

“We have four days left,” Spencer corrected you.

“No, three because we’re not going in tomorrow,” you walked into the diner and took your seat in your usual booth, “It’s senior skip day.”

When Spencer didn’t respond, you looked up from your menu, “Spencer Reid, please do not tell me you were going to go in on senior skip day.”

“Why would I want to miss school?”

“Because you already know everything they could possibly teach you and you can spend the whole day with your best friend instead?” you fluttered your eyelashes to persuade him.

“I don’t want to go to the beach with all the popular kids. I’ll get shoved in the sand,” Spencer grabbed some of the fries that the waitress dropped off for you and popped them into his mouth.

“That is why we are going all the way to Santa Monica. We’ll just get up a little earlier and drive a little further but then we won’t run into anyone from our school,” you proposed.

“Fine but you’re driving,” Spencer huffed.

“Well, I’m certainly not letting the guy drive who hasn’t driven since he got his license just to prove he could pass,” you giggled.

“Why do I need to drive when my next-door neighbor can be my personal chauffeur?” he grinned.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll pick you up at 7 on the dot tomorrow.”

You honked outside of Spencer’s house. He came scrambling out with a big canvas tote bag, a tan sweater, and lilac swim shorts that ended at his mid-thigh.

“Get in, loser. We’re going to the beach,” you rolled down the window.

Spencer furrowed his brow for a second before opening the door.

“It’s just a reference to a popular movie. I wasn’t actually calling you a loser,” you assured him.

“My mom made us blueberry muffins for the ride,” Spencer pulled a ziploc bag out of the tote.

“Oh that is so sweet of her! Please tell her I said thank you. She must have been having a good night then,” you smiled, accepting one of the muffins from Spencer.

“Yes, she has been having a good week overall,” Spencer affirmed.

“That’s so great to hear. Okay, we’re stopping for coffee but then we’ll get on the highway.”

The opening notes of Love Story by Taylor Swift began to play on the radio.

“Oh my god! Turn it up!” you screamed.

Spencer grinned and turned the volume knob up.

“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby, just say ‘yes’,” you sang.

You rolled down the windows as soon as you exited off the highway.

“Do you smell that, Spence?” you inhaled deeply, “Something about the salty air and sunshine just makes me feel alive.”

“You know it’s probably your increased exposure to the sunlight leading to an increase in vitamin D which can keep your energy levels up and enhance your mood,” Spencer stated.

“Well, whatever it is, I still love it,” you grinned.

You and Spencer made your way along the sandy coast. You parked in the beach parking lot and got out of the car, grabbing your mini cooler and chair.

Spencer grabbed the other chair and his tote and you headed down to the beach, walking a ways before settling on a spot in a less crowded area.

You took off your big t-shirt revealing your light blue bikini.

“Can we go in the water please?” you begged.

Spencer dug into his tote and tossed you a tube of sunscreen.

“Not until you put that on,” Spencer insisted.

“Fine,” you huffed.

“Sorry I don’t want you to be sunburnt for graduation,” he chuckled.

“Can you do my back?” you asked.

“I-um-yeah-yes I can do that,” Spencer scrambled to stand up from his beach chair.

His breath hitched in his throat as he applied the cool lotion to your back.

“All good,” he cleared his throat.

“Thanks, Spence! Do you need me to do your back or are you all set?” you asked.

“Nope, I’m all good. My mom did it before I left,” Spencer said.

“Can we go in the water now?” you pleaded.

Spencer gave a reluctant nod as you let out an excited squeal, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the tide.

You dove right into the cool waves, instantly relieving your body of the southern californian summer heat. Spencer was a bit more hesitant.

“It feels so good, Spence. Trust me,” you smoothed your wet hair back.

Spencer inhaled deeply and then sunk beneath the water as a wave passed by him.

“Yay! He’s actually having fun, people!” you cheered as he emerged from underneath the water.

Spencer playfully splashed water at you and you gasped.

“Oh Spencer Reid, you are so on,” you laughed, splashing water right back at him.

Spencer shielded it from his face with his hand and then started chasing after you. You shrieked in a giggle fit as he lifted you up in the water so you could no longer splash him.

“I surrender! I surrender!” you laughed along with him.

You and Spencer were walking on the basically deserted boardwalk by this time of night, licking your ice cream cones.

Spencer noticed you were shivering and pulled off his sweater, handing it to you.

“No, Spence. I can’t, then you’ll be cold,” you said.

“I really don’t mind,” Spencer insisted, wanting to have your scent on his sweater forever.

“Thank you,” you slipped it over your head, “I’m probably going to steal this from you because it’s super comfy.”

A reminder alert buzzed on your phone, “Oh shit. We have to sign up for tickets to go to prom by midnight,” you spoke.

Spencer shot you a guilty look.

“You’re not going?” you sighed defeatedly, trying your hardest not to tear up.

“Y/N, I don’t dance. I’ll make a fool of myself.”

“And I’ll be right by your side making a fool of myself too,” you urged, “Spence, it’s going to be no fun without you. I was going to ask you to officially be my date, you know? I had this whole complicated equation that I was going to have you solve and graph and the line spelled out ‘Prom?’. It’s stupid thinking back on it now, I won’t make you go.”

“I was going to ask you,” Spencer smiled softly, “but then I chickened out.”

“How about this? You give me one dance right now and then we’ll decide if we’re going or not,” you opened your phone and started playing Dancing by Mellow Fellow.

Spencer extended his hand and you accepted as he wrapped his other arm around your waist. You waltzed around the boardwalk in perfect sync as the neon lights from food stands and rides were shining down on you.

Spencer twirled you around and caught you in a dip. You let out a shaky exhale as you both stared into each other’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.

“Please do. I’ve only been waiting 10 years for it since I moved in next door,” you smiled softly.

Spencer leaned down further and connected your lips. You pulled him even closer with your hands cupping his cheeks.

“I’ll go to prom with you under one condition,” he grinned, pulling away, “we go as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Absolutely,” you beamed and stood on your tippy-toes to give him another kiss that was long overdue.

A/N: i took a note out of my dear friend @samuel-de-champagne-problems ‘s book by naming the title after a Taylor Swift song

taglist (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @rem-ariiana

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #reid x reader #spencer x reader #cm fanfic #criminal minds #cm fic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid one shot

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most-wanted-fanfic-and-love · 4 years ago

Text

Most Wanted 2 fanfic

☆ Masterlist

Chapter one - Old friendship

Words: 2203

Warning: anxiety/panic attack

A/N: This is a remake of the chapter I published months ago (link). Not only the grammar mistakes were corrected, but I added more scenes. I hope you enjoy it, wether you are a fan of MW or not, and remember - creative criticism is always welcome! ❤

By the way, the second chapter is going to be released next week 😄 and takes place in the present. Stay tuned!

//////

“...Each one of you is going to write a memory from your childhood. The minimum of words is a hundred.”

After giving the assignment, the teacher sat down on the desk. Everyone started to rip a page from their notebooks, some focused, others whispering to their colleagues. In one of the desks from the middle of the room, a boy with brown dark hair was lost in thoughts… when someone touches his arm. He looks startled to the right, sighing afterward.

“You scared me…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” - giggled a girl with black hair - “Davey, as your seatmate, I couldn’t help but notice you were traveling in your own world.” - she whispers so the teacher wouldn’t catch them speaking - “You don’t know what to write for your assignment?”

He shrugs, whispering too - “Hmm, actually, I might have an idea…” - Dave pauses for a moment, not wanting to talk about it - “What about you, Cass?”

“I have a few ideas in my mind, but I don’t know which one to choose.” - Cassandra twirls her hair, thoughtful, while glancing at her notebook.”

Dave slightly smiles - “Hey, I can help.” - he says, while grabbing a yellow pencil and pulling the empty paper - “Can I scribble here?” - Cass nods, and he proceeds - “Tell me your ideas, but we need to be quick…”

After a while, everyone was writing their assignment, including Cassandra, thanks to Dave’s help. But he wasn’t having any luck in progressing with the text. Dave took a deep breath after crossing a phrase.

I'm not having any luck with this.

He decides to look around the busy classroom. A sense of dread was suddenly taking over Dave, as if he was going to be the first person to talk about what he wrote. But that wasn’t the issue.

There was only one thing he could do at the moment to relieve the uncomfortable feeling. After some seconds which seemed like an eternity, Dave raised his arm. When the teacher stared at him, he tried to speak with a normal tone - “May I go to the washroom?”

...But his anxiety didn't help with it. Dave prayed internally that no one had noticed the trembling voice. After the teacher nodded, Dave, hesitantly, left his seat and headed to the door. Behind him, Cassandra Leigh was observing discreetly whilst frowning her eyebrows.

Through the big windows from the long corridor, Dave could feel the scorching that was the Californian weather. His heart was racing, so he started to walk fast, making his best effort to not start sobbing. Fortunately, there was no one else in the corridor at the moment besides him and the noises from the classrooms with the doors open. Dave turned left, to the quiet courtyard of the school. That's when he allowed himself to blink his eyes and let the tears fall.

Meanwhile, Cassandra was almost finishing her assignment. Glancing at her seatmate’s paper and noticing that he didn't write anything besides the scribbles, she put down the pencil.

Dave, sitting his back against the big tree, touched his face, angry - “I shouldn’t be here. I’m not the kind of student who skips classes…” - he reluctantly wipes a tear - “I don’t want my classmates to find out that I was adopted. It would be extremely awkward.” - a pigeon lands on the grass, looking for something to eat. Dave observes the bird - “But I could write a memory without mentioning it. God, I’m making a scene...”

He closes his eyes, taking deep breaths to try to feel calm and ease the chest tightness. He has been feeling like this these days, but today is the worst. To the point of needing to skip the class...

Suddenly, Dave heard the door of the courtyard opening, and he immediately opened his eyes.

“...Cass? What are you doing here?”

“I ask the same question.” - said the young woman, slowly approaching Dave - “The teacher did let me check you. I knew something was going on.” - Cass kneels at his side, looking concerned - “What is worrying you?”

Four words were enough to make him weep louder. She gently touches his arm - “Look, you don’t have to tell me everything in detail.” - after biting the lower lip, cautious, she says - “But I take it you need to vent to someone right now.”

Dave didn’t answer right away. Then, he laughs nervously, using his arm to clean off the tears - “I should have known you would notice my trembling voice when I asked the teacher if I could go to the washroom. You know me too well, after all.” - he couldn’t resist but smile for a moment - “I’m... glad we’re classmates… hey, you can sit here” - Dave touches the grass - “It’ll hurt if you stay on your knees for too long”.

As Cassandra accomoded herself, he began to explain what was troubling him - “I barely slept last night, so… you can see that it hasn’t been a good day for me.”

“Nightmares?” - Cass whispers.

“Yes...”

When Reyes was seven years old, he witnessed his own mother being murdered in front of him. It was a heavy situation to endure as a child, losing his only progenitor in cold blood. Dave barely had memories of his father, who died in a civil construction accident when he was just a baby. But the mother… was the only family he knew. Because of it, Dave was inevitably taken to the orphanage. Years later, he ended up being adopted, together with other kids he grew up with, by a good family. Since then, Dave has been living in the Vermont Square neighborhood, in the southern part of Los Angeles.

“So that’s why you were drinking coffee when I arrived at school.”

He nods, taking a deep breath - “Exactly.”

They stay in silence for a moment, watching together the blue sky with the white clouds in the distance. Cassandra breaks the silence - “Now it makes sense why you are feeling like that. The nightmares last night, and now an assignment about childhood memories... it isn’t pleasant.”

“But it shouldn’t be an excuse to skip the class-”

“Dave, listen...” - they look into each other's eyes, and Cass continues - “...don’t blame yourself. I’m sure the teacher is going to be understanding about your situation.”

He got up, apprehensive - “The teacher... she is going to speak to me when the class ends, isn’t she?”

“We both know the answer.”

Reyes runs his hand through the brown hair - “Oh, of course. And then she will give me advice to speak with the school counselor. I... I understand they care for my well-being, but I just don't want to bother anyone with my problems. Last week, I spoke twice to the counselor. Twice!"

“You are going through a bad phase, but it’ll get better. There are ups and downs...” - Cass got up, walking towards Dave - “And if you need to vent, you can always count on me.” - she puts her arms around him, hugging tightly. He does the same.

“Only you to make me feel better.”

As they return to the building, Dave stops at the entrance - “Uhh.. it’s going to be awkward, entering in the middle of the classroom. What if the class is already presenting the assignments?” - Cassandra turns around, looking at him - “I know it would also be awkward if I only appeared when the bell rings, but you know… unfortunately it is inevitable.”

“You’re right, it’s awkward either way. But, I have an idea to make you feel better and look forward to the end of the classes…” - she winks - “Do you want to attend the theater group?”

Dave was now feeling a mix of anxiety and enthusiasm.

“The one you spoke about a lot of times?! And you are inviting me to see you all participate?”

“Yep.”

“Well, I appreciate the invite. For real. But I need to talk to my… parents to see if they allow me to come to school after dinner. Although I'm certain they will.” - he now takes a step forward, taking a deep breath - “Let’s get going. I don’t want you to miss your assignment because of me. Oh, and… one more thing: when you become a famous actress, don’t forget about our friendship.”

Cassandra felt her cheeks flushing - “What-what makes you think that I’ll become famous?”

“You are talented. Who knows, maybe in the future you are going to act in a blockbuster movie!”

“Davey, me and other thousand girls in L.A have the same dream. Ok, I’m exaggerating in the numbers…” - she couldn’t stop blushing. One thing was her parents saying this, another was her best friend - “Ahem. It’s true that I’m one of the best students from the theater group, but let’s not have high expectations... but answering your question, of course I won’t forget you if that ever happens.”

-----

The pink sunset sky announced that summer was coming. Dave Reyes wished the doorman good night as he entered the school precinct. There were no students in the courtyard - it had been two hours since the last class of the day was over. Dave, serene, took one last look at the sky before opening the main door. Her best friend's dinner and invitation made her feel better, even if not a hundred percent, but it was a good feeling.

Inside, on the second floor, Dave could hear a noise coming from the auditorium. As he approached, he put his hand on the doorknob …

… and saw a group of 5 young people on the stage, rehearsing their lines and laughing. Four were girls, in long dresses. The boy, who appeared to be a senior in high school, was coordinating the scenes.

“Rita, you have to speak in a more authoritative tone. That means no giggles- ”

"How do you want me not to laugh around them?" - the girl with curly hair and black eyes pointed at her colleagues - "They are my besties!"

Dave focused his attention on Cassandra, who was behind the group watching the explanations closely. "Psss, hey, Cass." - he spoke softly, so as not to interrupt the conversation. Luckily she heard him, because then she walked gracefully towards her and jumped off the stage - "Dave! There you are.” - she approaches him, touching his shoulder caringly as he smiles - “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling better thanks to your invite. I’m not overthinking at home.” - Dave looks around the auditorium, interested in knowing more about the play - “How's the rehearsing going?"

“Very well, actually! We are all feeling ambitious in doing our best. Of course, there is fun stuff happening in the middle, but we also need it from time to time to relax-”

“Leigh! Who is that guy?” - spoke the coordinator, staring at them -”Did your boyfriend come to watch?”

“He is not my boyfriend, Sammuel.” - Cassandra crosses her arms, feeling a bit annoyed - “Platonic friendship with boys exists, in case you didn’t know. And you are older than me, so you should know how to tell better jokes...”

“Calm down, I was only teasing you.” - he smiles - Your friend is more than welcome to watch the acting, as long as he does not reveal the dialogues and story to his classmates.”

“I won’t.” - says Dave, shyly.

“Good. Leigh, you can come back now to the stage as your friend sits in one of those chairs” - Sammuel points to the brown seats in front of him.

It's interesting watching the behind the scenes. Dave opened the schoolbag on his lap and took out the water bottle. Rita, the girl who Dave heard laughing earlier, was arguing with Cassandra. Or well, the characters.

“...I’m going to win the contest, Julia.” - she looked down to Cassandra, snobby - “If you were truly smart, you wouldn’t waste your time with this. You are going to fail miserably and be humiliated in front of everyone.”

“I refuse to accept your wish.” - she looks determined to the enemy. There is a long pause between them. Dave waits, anxiously to know what will happen next.

The snobby girl pulls out Julia’s necklace, in rage. The pearls fall down, breaking the silence of the tension. Cassandra looks around the auditorium, speechless, to make the scene more dramatic. Then, she fell on her knees, crying - “You are so evil! If you think this is going to stop me, you are… wrong.” - Cass pronounces the last word with poison.

“It’s perfect!” - shouts Sammuel, doing a sign to stop the acting - “The two of you improved this scene splendidly! The viewers are going to love this, oh that’s for sure.” - he whispers to himself - “And I’ll get a good grade for coordinating this teather play.”

Dave was preparing to get up when the older guy looked at him -”Hey you, what is your opinion?”

“I loved everything. I’m sure the theater play is going to be a success.” - he smiles as everyone is watching him mindfully - “I don’t know much about acting, but it seemed great from my point of view.”

“Hmm, good, good…” - Sammuel scratches his beard - “What is your name?”

“Dave Reyes.”

“Reyes, do you want to take part of our team? We are in need of a boy for our next theater play, and I think you are a nice option.”

#choices stories you play #choices pixelberry #choices fanfiction #choices most wanted #most wanted #most wanted 2 #dave reyes #cassandra leigh #most wanted dave #most wanted cassandra #choices most wanted fanfic #fanfiction #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

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tuesdayx · 4 years ago

Text

So I thought it would be fun to do a song-by-song breakdown of our latest album Essential.

Essential started as some rough demos designated for a side project in late 2019, which then became our largest album to date in terms of song selection. Many of the themes deal with learning to cope with the changing world thanks to Covid, with a perspective of someone who had to keep working at an "essential" job with no option of self-quarantine. I was happy to continue working and being able to pay my bills over the past year, but there was always elements of stress, fear, and tension lingering over myself and everyone else in my position.

So here we go; starting from the top let's look at the Songs of Tuesday X's 6th album Essential.

1. Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams: the title was a reference to the 9/11 conspiracy memes, which as stated in the opening lines, "has nothing to do with this song." Written in January of 2020 before Covid had made any significant impact in the US, the song touches on many themes which happened to occur throughout the year, such as [another] Californian forest fire (Australia too), new diseases (Covid), a riot (the BLM movement over the summer, which I will state everything that movement has been fighting for is 100% justified and the United States is in desperate need of Police reform, as does our political system which has remained inherently racist to this day.), Civil War (and exaggeration for sure, but the civil unrest and political division in our country will soon split us apart further), more corporate giants(companies like Amazon profited more from this Pandemic than ever before and have helped further the gap between the American working class and the top 1%). Favorite line: "I won't get philosophical, I only wanted your attention."

2. The Only Difference Between You and Me is a Sense of Apathy and Your Brand New Nikes: This song is a blithing criticism of the American political system. Our two party system has left Americans with a choice between "the lesser of two evils" and allows politicians with no true interest in our needs to rise to power. The use of 3rd parties as an alternative is a overly simple compromise that would only just begin to alleviate the problems created in our political system. Both of our main parties are considered conservative parties to the rest of the world, and any progressive measures that would benefit society and reduce the effects of climate change are considered radical and preposterous by politicians with financial stakes in our crooked system where corporatations hold control and the people are treated as fuel for an otherwise worthless currency. Favorite line: "Listen to the radio, they played my favorite song. Now I'm bored and wanting more."

3. Blame it on the Elves: the title is a reference to an episode of the Podcast "Lore" by Aaron Menke (i can't recall which episode, but you should check it out anyway because it's great listen.) An instrumental interlude inspired by ragtime music of the 1920-30's, with an edge of course.

4. Class of Dropouts: This song was written when I was 16 during my sophomore year of high school and was originally featured on my now unavailable album "trees" before adopting the Tuesday X monicker. I brought it back 6 years later because I loved how raw and punk it was. The lyrics are dorky but I decided to leave them as is, it's a cool track for high school stoners to blare and let out their teen angst. Favorite line: "Walking in on my friends fucking."

5. Polaroids on My Bulletin Board: This is a song about growing up. As a 22 year old (now 23) who decided not to go to college straight out of high school, I felt isolated from my peers in a way. By going into the workfield right away I sometimes feel like I skipped a few years and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I regret not leaving my hometown sooner than I did and chasing my dreams of being a touring musician in a band. More often than not I reminisce of my youth playing shows and getting into trouble, as I now feel old and out of place in a scene I grew up in. Favorite line: "I know what it's like to be alive, I know what it's like to live a lie."

6. Labradoodle Underpass: Going back on the theme of growing up, this is about my recent experience with shows as an adult. When I was a teenager I felt ambitious and ready for anything, and I would drop literally everything to go to the nearest show. As an adult I feel introverted and constantly anxious about the world around me. I've missed out on a lot of great shows due to my own self doubt's and anxiety. Now that shows have been canceled for over a year I feel even more regret by not appreciating them more while I could. Favorite line: "23 years and a lingering fear that anything could happen, why am I here?"

7. Some Shit: This was me trying to be modest mouse lol jangly guitars and half talking/half singing vocals describing the world around me. I guess in a way it was an exercise in writing character description and setting, but otherwise it's just a chill track that almost feels aimless at parts. Favorite Line: "it's just some shit I learned from a friend. Just some shit I learned when I was trying to prepare."

8: Woe is the World: On the album this is a chorus snippet that barely a minute long (the full version is available as a bonus track on bandcamp, and it was actually a demo that turned out better than the final version.) I originally wrote this song when I was 15 with a different set of lyrics, but I came back to it while writing this album and re-wrote it to reflect my mental state and the world around me. Overall, just another melancholy track in a sea of melancholy songs. Favorite line: "you've never felt more alone than you do now, was everything worth it in the end?"

9. Then Why Was it Named Gideon?: the title is a reference to a line in Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour (my favorite series) and like the first track on this album doesn't have much to do with the song. "Gideon" is a simple love song, talking again about how growing up sucks but having the right person by your side can make all the shitty times worth it in the end. Favorite line: "it's time to move on, you're taking too long."

10. I am Here, I'm Looking at Her, and She is Beautiful: This song is entirely about the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's it. Nothing else, let's move on. Favorite line: "Over Christmas I read them a poem about a brown paper bag and the boy who wrote it."

11. Try to Be a Filter, Not a Sponge: Like the previous song, this one is also mostly about "Perks of Being a Wallflower", but with elements of my own experience with toxic relationships. I like to think of it as the character Charlie's experience with Mary Elizabeth overall though. Favorite line: "She called my favorite book washed out trash, said I have no taste and I'm still too sad."

12. Lavender Spray Bottle: This instrumental dates back to 2017. I recorded the guitar part as a demo on my phone and forgot about it. Over time I forgot how to play the guitar part, so I used the demo as a basis and layered everything else on top of it. The title is a reference to a bottle of water with lavender essential oils mixed in that my ex used to fend away spiders in the house we lived in at the time.

13. Hindsight is 2020: I will admit, this is my favorite song on the whole album and was actually the last to be written and recorded. With a simple guitar part and layers of vocals, this song is a direct reflection of life during the peak of the pandemic. With curfews in place and rising case counts, I had to learn to cope with life at home during my late nights away from work. My partner was quarantined during this time and I reflected on the mental strain this put on her. Favorite line: "Don't go to work, you need the money but you're not happy when you're there. Sometimes life is so unfair."

14. I Don't Know How to Deal With Serious Emotions Without Turning Them into a Fucking Joke: the title came from a meme I found on my phone from high school. The song itself was about my own inability to handle serious emotions without coming off as sarcastic. In both the music and lyrics, the song starts as a simple confession before exploding into raw chaos. Favorite line: "it's so hard. I'm so scared, what have I become?"

15. Say Hello to My Little Friend: the last instrumental on this album. A short haunting tune that reflects the final two tracks. The title is probably a reference to Rambo or something, but I never watched it and I thought it fit the feeling of this song.

16. Minneapolis: What became one of the most emotional tracks on this song actually began as a joke. My partner was snap chatting a friend one night and they asked me to write them a song on the spot. So I improvised the first two verses and chorus of this song, referencing her going to school there at the time. I found I actually liked what I had written however, so I refined the track and changed it from a sassy country song into a melancholic lament of my experience in the twin cities and southern Minnesota. Favorite line: "I miss Camp Snoopy, and Paul Bunyon's log flume ride that went around the whole damn mall."

17. Before the Sunrise: the final song on the album is an intimate look at my relationship with my partner. Through past experiences i have become riddled with self doubt and always looking at improving myself as a person. With hopes that one day I'll be the person I'd like to be for mine and their sake, it's an optimistic tribute to my best friend. Favorite line: "the cycle ends until the sun rises again, you're my best friend."

Thank you all so much! Check out Essential and our other music on Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, and other places! I hope you all enjoyed this personal look at these songs that got me through the worst parts of 2020.

#tuesday x #emo #music #alternative #art rock #diy music #diy #midwest #underground #lyrics #essential #covid19

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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When you get an account for something, what’s the first username you try? I’d rather not share that. What do you think might be someone else’s first impression of you? Awkward, shy, quiet, standoffish. Is texting having a negative or a positive effect for social relationships? It has its good and bad points. One of the bad things is that it’s SO easy for misunderstandings. What you say doesn’t always come off the way you intended it to. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? I think I’d have some issue with that. Have you ever been addicted to something other than a drug? The internet? Have you ever been addicted to a drug? I mean, after being on pain medications for so long my body developed a dependency. That’s just going to happen.

Do you like macadamia nut cookies? I like how there’s usually white chocolate chips in them, but I don’t like the nuts. Just give me white chocolate chip cookies, ha.

What kind of accent do people typically have where you’re from? Californian one? It’s weird to think of myself as having an accent. It’s not distinguishable like a southern one or someone from like Boston. Bruno Mars- fail or win? I like a lot of his music. Can you sleep without a fan on? Absolutely not during the summer. This summer I have 3 that are always going. Even during the winter I sometimes still have 1 on. Does history interest you at all? Yeah. What’s something you wish you could do-over? A lot of things. How many times a day do you apply deoderant? If it’s a really hot day and I’m out and about for some reason, I may need to apply a couple times or so. Otherwise, once tends to do the job. Have you ever tried any drugs? Just weed. What caused the most intense physical pain you’ve ever felt? After any of my surgeries. Do you like those Sperry Top-Sider shoes? Sure. I actually had a pair of cute plaid ones once. Can you wear shoes like that without getting blisters on your ankles? I don’t have that issue. Would you agree that dark chocolate tastes like rotten chocolate? I don’t think it tastes rotten, but I don’t like it. Do you touch your lips when you’re nervous? Yeah, I pick at and bite them. Do you think you can read other people’s body language well? I think I usually can pick up on that stuff. Are you a good driver? I don’t drive. Did you pass your driver’s test the first time you took it? I haven’t taken it. Would you rather be involved in a watergun or a paintball gun war? Neither. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? It was layered, but it’s been so long since I got a trim that it’s almost all one length now. Is there anyone who you’re afraid to be in a car with, if they’re driving? No. What’s a quick fix for a bad hair day? A hat. Do you enjoy flying or do you get scared? I was very scared, but taking off and landing are definitely the worst of it. Once you’re in the air it’s fine, unless there’s bad turbulence. I’ve only flown a total of 2 times and that was over 10 years ago, so I’d definitely be nervous. It’d feel like the 1st time all over again. I’d probably be nervous every time even if I was a frequent flier let’s be real. Be honest. Do you like making other people feel jealous? No. I admit that I played stupid games like that before, though. SO stupid. Have you ever purposely made someone of the opposite sex jealous? Yes. :/ ^^^ Are you addicted to shopping? Kind of. My online shopping sometimes gets out of hand. Do you always wear mascara and eyeliner? I very rarely wear makeup at all anymore. It’s been quite awhile since the last time. Do you have any huge hoodies lined with snuggly fur on the inside? No. I have in the past. Is there anything you do, kind of habitually, that’s completely mindless but helps you think? Probably picking at my nails, biting my lips, or messing with my hair. Not sure if that made a whole hell of a lot of sense… It did. Do you like headphones or ear-buds more? Earbuds. What’s your favorite winter sport? None. I don’t like any sports. What’s something you’re very good at? Nothing. Where do you spend the majority of your summer? At home. Who do you usually spend the most of your summer with? My family, who I spend most of my time with everyday. How old were you and where did you go on your first real date? I was in my early 20s and we went to a movie and dinner. Have you ever had a bonfire on the beach at night? No, but that’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Do you like sour gummy worms? No. I don’t sour things, it irritates my mouth. Have you ever helped a complete stranger with anything? Yes. Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? Nooo. You never know for sure. They might seem harmless, but no one looks like a serial killer or something unless they have a mask on or a weapon of some kind in their hand like Michael Myers himself was standing there. People like Ted Bundy seemed harmless. When playing a sport, are you more focused on winning or having fun? I don’t play sports. Who’s the last person who gave you a piggy back ride? Probably my dad. I haven’t had a piggy ride since I was a kid. Who’s the last person that you gave a piggy back ride? I’m guessing my dad. Rock, paper, or scissors? Rock. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? I mean, depends? Are you any good at dancing? No. Even if you aren’t, do you like to dance? I like to bob my head or tap my fingers a bit. Sometimes move my arms a little. What makes you feel the most ‘alive’? I’ve felt like a zombie for years. Who’s conversations do you appreciate the most? Ones with my loved ones. Ty and I had the best conversations, too. I miss those. Is there anyone’s advice you value enough to take against your own judgment? I don’t know, it would really depend on the issue. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? Often enough usually. Do you like being alone or does it drive you crazy? I like spending some time alone. I need to. I don’t like being completely alone for a long time, though. Like, I may just be in my room, but my family is home ya know? Do you have a trampoline? No. Do you get nervous when driving in convertibles, knowing that if you flipped, you’d be screwed? I’ve never ridden in one. What’s your favorite Pixar movie? Toy Story. Are you capable of successfully lying to someone you love? I have before and sometimes still do about certain things. There’s also things I’ll downplay or choose not to omit. I’m not a habitual or compulsive liar, though. Who do you adore? My doggo.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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adorkablephil · 6 years ago

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Fic: The Happiest Place on Earth

Title: The Happiest Place on Earth Summary: Phil Lester hates his job playing Prince Charming at Disneyland, until another British boy shows up and unexpectedly charms him instead Word Count: 4.6k Rating: Mature Tags: Disneyland, Flirting, Strangers to Lovers, Semi-Public Sex, Hand Jobs Author’s Note: This fic was inspired by the @phanfichallenge’s Disney Challenge. Thanks a million to @ivy625fanfic and @jorzuela for their general wonderfulness, assistance, and encouragement! Also on AO3

The Happiest Place on Earth

Phil pulled off his white NASA t-shirt and black skinny jeans (with the stylish rips that had of course made the jeans ironically more expensive) and began to don the costume that he had rapidly come to despise. He was a fan of colorful clothing, but even he recognized the cheesiness of the bright red polyester pants, and the ridiculously thick white polyester coat always made him sweat like a pig in the Californian summer heat.

God, he missed England! He missed the rain, and the green grass, and the snow in the wintertime. Here, the only greenery was carefully manicured topiary. But he couldn’t control where his father found work, and so he’d relocated with the rest of his family to this godforsaken suburban desert called Anaheim.

Sure, he could have stayed in England on his own, but when not only his mum and dad but also Martyn had all planned the move here together, he hadn’t wanted to be left behind without the three people he was closest to in the entire world. They’d always been a tight-knit family, and he would have missed them terribly.

But he was beginning to think that moving back to England on his own might be the only answer, as working this wretched job at Disneyland had come to seem like a fate worse than death. But he hadn’t been able to find any other work with his degree in English Language and Linguistics. The other Californians he’d met outside of work had joked that his university education had prepared him very well for a career articulately asking, “Would you like fries with that?” Ha bloody ha.

Playing Prince Charming every day might drive him insane, but at least it paid better than McDonald’s. Marginally.

Phil donned the military-style coat with its ridiculously fiddly golden closures and high, scratchy collar, and adjusted the fringed epaulettes on his shoulders, then also the snug belt at his waist. Last, always last, he tugged on the pristine white gloves he was required to wear at all times. Yes, he had to wear not only a thick coat but also gloves in the 33ºC heat. This job sometimes felt death-defying, as if earning his meager wages might actually result in him expiring from heat stroke at any moment.

With his naturally sunny disposition, he had thought that playing a Disney character to amuse children all day would come naturally and even make him happy. But it hadn’t turned out quite as he expected, and his sunny disposition was growing cloudier and cloudier under the bright California sun as he toiled endlessly in this costume so ridiculously unsuited to the local weather.

He slathered his face with sunscreen, since no other skin on his body would be exposed to the sun, before he combed and shellacked his hair into the required unmovable quiff, and then practiced a bright smile as he gazed into the dressing room mirror.

Well, thus started another shift at the happiest fucking place on earth.

***

As he escorted Julie (a.k.a. Cinderella) down Main Street, they maintained their constant smiles and stopped to chat with any park guests who showed an interest. They also, of course, posed for about a thousand photos per hour.

“Oh, you’re even faking a British accent!” a woman in plaid shorts and a striped tank top cooed at him after taking several photos of him with her children as they pelted him with questions about what it was like to be a prince and were he and Cinderella married and where did they live and did they have any kids and a million other questions Phil had to answer a hundred times every day, always making sure to stay in character.

That was the most important part of his job, as the management had stressed over and over during his hiring process and continued to stress nearly every day. He must always stay in character, must always be Prince Charming. Even when one of the overly entitled children kicked him in the shin, he had to laugh it off and tousle the boy’s hair with a faked fondness that potentially put him in danger of getting his hand bitten.

Luckily, the annoying costume gloves would have protected him from whatever rabies the brat might be carrying.

“Your accent doesn’t sound quite right, but it’s good enough to fool the kids, and that’s what matters at Disneyland, right?” The woman grinned at him, showing red lipstick smeared across her front teeth. She made no attempt to control the four children apparently in her care as they ran about and climbed on anything they could get near.

Phil smiled at her, trying not to grind his teeth audibly, and said, “Children certainly are a blessing and a joy, yours especially. It’s been so wonderful to talk with all of you,” and then he took Julie by the gloved hand to guide her away.

“One more picture!” the woman yelled after them, so he and Julie turned, and she looped her arm gracefully through his as they’d been forced to practice a thousand times, and they posed with those bright fake smiles as the tourist snapped a few more photos with her phone before they were released to stroll again down the boulevard full of families sweating in their summer clothing, sure that none of them ever spared a thought for the costumed park employees in their much less comfortable attire.

He thanked his lucky stars that at least he didn’t have to wear one of the non-human costumes, like the fellow who played Mickey Mouse. That guy was always a disgusting, sweat-drenched mess at the end of his shift, but at least he didn’t have to actually talk to the park guests like Phil and Julie did.

It must be much easier to stay in character when you didn’t have to smile or talk.

Suddenly, out of the constant babble around him, Phil noticed an English accent, then another. A family stood nearby, and they were clearly from one of the southern counties. Berkshire, maybe? The voice he had first noticed seemed to belong to an utterly beautiful boy near Phil’s own age, and he couldn’t help but stare a moment until Julie patted his arm to remind him to keep playing his character role.

Always stay in character. Always be Prince Charming. He smiled brightly at the beautiful boy, who raised an eyebrow.

And then suddenly the boy walked away from what Phil could only assume was his family and approached Phil and Julie. “This guy’s a philanderer, you know,” he told Julie, jerking his thumb at Phil. “He’s got loads of other girls on the side. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel … and who knows how many other hapless women who subscribe to the ridiculous gender roles that require them to passively wait to be rescued by a man instead of proactively getting themselves out of their own stupid predicaments.”

Great. A heckler. They didn’t appear often, but when they did … joy. This one was surprisingly—and intriguingly—articulate, but still … a heckler. Phil forced the smile to stay on his face, nodded politely to the beautiful pain in his ass, and began to lead Julie away. The heckler grinned at him, showing deep dimples that only made him more lovely, and Phil contained a groan of dismay at the bolt of intense desire that shot through him.

“He’s also the villain of the story,” Beautiful Heckler continued loudly as they started to turn away. “Anyone who’s watched the Shrek movies knows that.”

“If you’ll excuse us,” Phil bestowed upon the little asshole his most gracious smile, “my princess and I must continue to visit with our many guests.”

The heckler’s brown eyes went wide as he heard Phil’s voice. “You’re English!” he exclaimed in obvious shock. Phil only nodded, his hands embarrassingly sweaty in those terrible gloves, and tried to extricate himself and Julie from this potentially out-of-character conversation.

“Indeed, I am. It’s been lovely to meet you, but we should continue on our way. Please do enjoy your stay in our magical kingdom.” Julie’s hand tightened on his arm, signaling him to speed up their escape. It wasn’t his job to stand talking to a twentyish twink with gorgeous dimples when there were hundreds of small children and lipstick-smeared mothers waiting to meet their favorite Disney characters come to life.

But Heckler Boy put his hand on Phil’s other arm and asked, “Where are you from? And why are you working at Disneyland, of all places?” He was shaking his head in disbelief, shiny brown curls bouncing slightly.

“I’m from a kingdom far away,” Phil replied in character, ignoring Julie’s increasingly tight squeeze on his arm. “But I journeyed far to find my true love.” He turned to smile at Julie, and she smiled at him with her mouth but glared at him with her eyes.

Phil gave in and nodded his best aloof Prince Charming nod at the beautiful heckler, who was now staring at him in apparent fascination, making Phil want to do nothing but stay there and stare at him in return. But he wasn’t Phil right now, and he couldn’t flirt with anyone but Julie, and he couldn’t be visibly gay—though, honestly, what Prince Charming didn’t seem at least a little gay? So he just patted the boy’s hand on his coat sleeve, wishing that there wasn’t a layer of polyester glove preventing their skin from touching, even just for that brief moment, and then he and Julie continued on with their stroll, only to be stopped almost immediately by a family with two small children who wanted to pose for photos.

Smiling for the tourist’s camera, Phil dared a quick glance in the direction where he’d left the beautiful British boy and saw him still watching Phil, which made him blush a bit. Blushing in this costume was extremely unpleasant, as it only made him even warmer than he already was, but he couldn’t help it when such an attractive guy was watching him like that.

After the family had taken their photos, Phil took Julie by the hand again, tucked her arm through his, and escorted her further into the park.

He didn’t look back toward the boy again.

***

Phil groaned with pleasure as he pulled off the hated gloves at the end of his shift, divesting himself of the rest of the horrible costume as quickly as possible. The entire thing was soaked with sweat. It was lucky the park supplied him with a clean costume each day, because he could never have kept up with the laundry himself.

In another stroke of luck, the “backstage” area had showers, so Phil cleaned up with a thorough soap and shampoo, running the water cool enough to give himself goosebumps, but glad of the temperature change after an entire day of roasting in the sun and polyester.

Donning his own clothes again and giving his black hair a quick combing, he snuck out through the backstage entrance instead of the employee exit he was supposed to use. Character-role employees were forbidden to re-enter the park in their street clothes, lest a guest recognize them, spoiling the oh-so-important illusion. Phil couldn’t have said what inspired him to break the rules today when he never had before, but if he’d been forced to guess, he probably could have intuited that it had something to do with a certain heckler with irresistible dimples.

In a park filled with thousands of people, he was extremely unlikely to even see the guy again, let alone have a conversation with him … but only 10 minutes or so after he left the employee area, he saw him. Phil wondered if maybe the guy wouldn’t recognize him now that he was out of costume, but when their eyes met, the boy immediately grinned and said something to his family before turning and walking toward Phil.

He looked Phil up and down, and his first words to him were, “I like the ripped jeans a lot more than the prince outfit. You look hot in a very different way.”

Phil had no idea what to say to that. He’d sort of secretly hoped to see the guy again, but he’d had absolutely no expectation of the guy actually hitting on him.

“Um,” Phil stammered, “I’m not … I’m not really supposed to talk to guests … when I’m out of costume.” He was blushing again, and he cursed his fair skin for giving him away.

The guy leaned close and said quietly, “What if we go somewhere where people won’t see us?” He smirked.

Phil looked around, then walked toward one of the buildings that housed supplies, then ducked behind it so that he and the boy—who had eagerly followed him—were hidden between the wall and the nearby foliage. With the sun going down and the park beginning to get a little dark, there was very little chance anyone would see them here. But he could still see the beautiful boy in the dimming light.

“I’m Dan,” his beautiful heckler said, and then he leaned in to kiss Phil, just like that.

“Whoa!” exclaimed Phil, pulling away slightly. “I mean … what are you…”

Dan raised his eyebrow again, just as he had when their eyes first met hours ago and he asked smugly, “You don’t want to?” And Phil found himself numbly shaking his head.

“No,” Phil rasped out, his voice exhausted after a day of greeting strangers, then laughed a little. “I mean yes.” And then he smiled his first real, honest smile of the day, and Dan kissed him again, this time with a much more enthusiastic response from Phil.

Phil didn’t even know how long they’d been kissing when he felt Dan’s hands slide underneath the back of his t-shirt, stroking the bare skin of his spine. Phil gasped, and his head fell back slightly at the incredible unexpected pleasure.

“I can get away tonight if you want to … you know … meet up and … do something. Together,” Dan suggested awkwardly, kissing the notch at the base of Phil’s throat and then flicking his tongue out against the sensitive skin there to make Phil moan.

Phil lowered his head to look into Dan’s eyes. “I don’t even know who you are,” Phil protested. “Why are you in California? How long are you here? Are you a student, or do you have a job, or…”

Dan asked wryly, “You don’t really care about any of that, do you? Really?”

But Phil shook his head, then nodded, confused. “No. Yes. I do. I don’t just … do this.”

Dan raised that damned eyebrow again. “You don’t? Because, you know, you could. You could pull almost anybody you wanted. You’re fucking gorgeous, you know. Even better out of that ridiculous costume.” He ran his hands through Phil’s damp, freshly showered hair. “And I like your hair better like this. It looked like plastic before, but it’s actually really soft.” Then he stroked his hands through Phil’s hair to the back of his head and reeled him in for another kiss. He pulled away slightly and whispered, “My family’s here on holiday.” Then he kissed Phil again before breathing against his lips, “I’m on my gap year.” Another kiss, longer this time, his tongue stroking against Phil’s in a maddening caress before he slowly pulled away to kiss the side of Phil’s neck and murmur against it, “And we’re in town for another week. During which time I really really hope I’ll see a lot more of you.” He pulled away to look Phil up and down before blatantly licking his lips. “And I do mean that in every sense.”

Phil leaned back against the wall of the outbuilding, breathing heavily. “Jesus. Do you do this on every vacation? Everywhere you go? Just find some stranger and pull him into a corner and suggest…” He shook his head slightly, not sure how to finish that sentence. Because what exactly was Dan suggesting? Quite a bit, if Phil wasn’t mistaken.

Dan sighed and leaned away slightly. “Do we really have to have this conversation? Because … no. No, I’ve actually never just dragged someone off into the bushes like this before, but I feel like … I don’t know. Both of us being from England, and meeting here, and the way you looked at me, and the shivers I got…”

Phil interrupted him. “You got shivers?”

“Didn’t you?” Dan asked, and for the first time he sounded a little uncertain.

“Yeah,” Phil admitted with a slow grin, finally feeling a little more confident. “But I thought it was just me.”

“It wasn’t just you,” Dan replied. “It was like … an electric shock. Like fate or something, meeting you here. I feel like I’ve known you forever, almost from the first moment our eyes met. I can’t explain it.” He breathed out a sort of frustrated sigh. “Are you really going to make me say all this sappy stuff, or can we just kiss some more, and maybe make plans to meet up later?” He swallowed, then looked at Dan with those warm brown eyes, and they looked happy, which made Phil happy, too. “Because I’d really like to meet up later,” Dan whispered, like it was a secret, then leaned forward to kiss Phil again.

They kissed for a long while, Dan pressing up against Phil, pressing him up against the wall so that Phil could feel that Dan was just as hard as he was. “Won’t your family be looking for you?” Phil gasped, reluctantly pulling his lips away from Dan’s.

“I told them I’d meet them at the front gate after the fireworks,” Dan purred. “There will be fireworks, won’t there?” And he slid his hand down to stroke the front of Phil’s jeans, making Phil groan.

“Yes,” Phil gasped, and he didn’t know if he was answering Dan’s question or responding to Dan’s wayward hand. He reached down to press Dan’s hand against his cock through his jeans … and noticed that Dan’s fingers were shaking. Perhaps the boy wasn’t as confident as he seemed? Maybe they should put this all off. Dan had suggested meeting up later, which would give him time to decide if he really wanted this.

Phil spun their bodies around so that Dan was against the wall, with Phil the one leaning forward to press them together. He ground against Dan once, then once again, and Dan’s body arched against him with obvious pleasure. “There’ll be fireworks if you want them. I promise. But not here,” Phil said firmly. Then he frowned. “I mean, there will be fireworks here. There are fireworks here every night during the summer. But not these kinds of fireworks.” And he ground his hips against Dan’s again, and Dan was the one gasping now. Phil wrapped a hand around each of Dan’s wrists, then pinned them against the wall on either side of his head. He thrust against Dan again and they both groaned. “Because for these kinds of fireworks, I’d rather have you naked.” He waited to see how Dan would react.

Dan opened his eyes to look at Phil, and the pupils of his brown eyes were hugely dilated, though Phil wasn’t sure if it was in response to him or to the growing darkness. Dan’s body leaned limp against the wall, as if he’d collapsed, as if he’d completely submitted to Phil. He’d started out as the aggressor, but now he just gazed at Phil in willing, helpless abandon. Phil leaned in to kiss him again, licking his tongue into Dan’s mouth until the beautiful boy was groaning again, his body tight as a bow, pressing as close to Phil as he could get. Both his hands grasped at Phil’s back as if he were absolutely desperate. “Please?” he begged, pressing himself as tightly against Phil as possible.

“Oh, fuck it,” Phil ground out, and he let go of Dan’s wrists so he could reach down to unzip Dan’s jeans, slipping his hand inside to feel him hot and hard through his underwear with its rather obvious damp spot. Dan had been leaking pre-come while they were making out. The evidence only made Phil harder. “I can get you naked next time.”

Dan’s hand reached between them, fumbling to get Phil’s jeans open with eager hands.

“I’ve never done this before,” Phil laughed as they rubbed at each other there in the hidden corner where anyone could happen upon them.

“With a guy, or outside, or at work?” Dan asked, breathing heavily. He squeezed Phil’s cock briefly through the denim and Phil closed his eyes with pleasure.

“Oh, I’ve definitely done it with a guy,” Phil chuckled, “but never outside, and definitely not at work. But somebody tempted me too much for me to resist.” He leaned in to press their mouths together again and felt the eagerness in Dan’s returning kiss. He slipped his hand into Dan’s underwear and Dan cried out at the first touch of skin on skin. Phil quickly placed his other hand over Dan’s mouth, whispering, “Shhh. We don’t want anyone hearing us and coming back here to see what’s going on.” Dan nodded, and Phil took his hand away from the boy’s mouth. As he pulled his hand away, Dan licked his palm with a saucy grin.

He grasped Dan’s cock and pushed his underwear out of the way with his other hand. Meanwhile, Dan was still struggling to get Phil’s jeans open. Suddenly, Phil wondered if Dan had ever done this before. “How about you?” he asked, then stroked Dan’s cock lightly, not wanting this to be over too quickly. “Have you done this before?”

“Of course,” Dan replied, finally getting Phil’s jeans open and slipping a hand in to rub him through his underwear. Phil’s hips bucked toward the touch, but he’d heard the obvious nervous lie in Dan’s words, and this all of a sudden got even hotter. Not only was he exchanging hand jobs with a stranger at work, but it was the boy’s first time with another guy.

“I don’t believe you,” Phil whispered against Dan’s lips. “I think I’m the first guy you’ve been with, even though you’re…” his words cut off in a moan as Dan’s hand slipped into his underwear and grasped him in a tight grip. “Even though you’re doing fantastic.” Phil bit his own lip in pleasure, then leaned forward to nibble at Dan’s arching neck, giving it a flick of his tongue in apology and wondering if he would leave a mark. He liked the idea of Dan returning to his family with Phil’s mark on him, even if it might not be the best idea. He decided to try to be more careful.

Dan was panting now, thrusting into Phil’s hand as he squeezed and stroked Phil’s cock with an obviously inexpert touch, unaccustomed to this angle. “Okay,” Dan admitted on a moan. “Yeah, I haven’t done this with a guy before.” He leaned forward for another passionate kiss before adding, “But you just … the way you looked at me … and then in those ripped jeans … like I said … shivers.” And Phil felt Dan’s body shiver again, just at the memory. But a moment later he realized it had been a different kind of shudder as Dan’s cock pulsed and he began to come. Ironically, the first boom of fireworks above them happened at nearly the same time, and Phil saw Dan’s ecstatic face illuminated by blue lights falling above them.

“Faster,” Phil urged as Dan’s hand slowed during his own release. Obligingly, Dan sped up his strokes and soon Phil too was coming, his orgasm spurred by the knowledge that they could be caught at any moment, combined with awareness that Dan had never done this before and Phil was his first.

As their breathing slowed, fireworks continued to explode above them, occasionally illuminating their faces with a variety of different colors as they stared at each other. Phil hadn’t hoped for anything more than maybe a glimpse of the dimpled heckler, and he now guessed that Dan had probably hoped for nothing more than perhaps a quick make-out session. They both gazed at each other in wonder, chests still heaving.

“I saw fireworks. How about you?” Dan laughed breathlessly, his smart mouth finally making a reappearance. He was grinning, and his dimples were shadows in the light of the sparkles falling high above their heads.

“Definitely fireworks,” Phil replied and kissed that smart mouth. “And shivers.”

“And shivers,” Dan agreed on a quiet breath.

They lingered, kissing more softly now, their bodies leaning together as if they were holding each other up. Phil noticed Dan holding his hand away from his body and laughed. “My shirt is white. Nobody will notice before I get it home and wash it.” Dan didn’t seem to understand what Phil meant until Phil grabbed his hand and wiped the come off both of their hands onto his NASA t-shirt.

Dan laughed softly. “God, I hope we didn’t get my jeans. What’ll my parents think?” Phil guessed that he was probably blushing, though the hues of the fireworks hid any natural color of Dan’s skin.

“Probably nothing even nearly as good as the truth,” Phil joked.

He stroked his hand down Dan’s body again, making the boy twitch, but Phil merely slipped his hand into Dan’s jeans pocket to pry out the boy’s phone and type in his number. “Call me. Then we’ll see about more of those fireworks.” He grinned at Dan. “Like I said … they’re every night during the summer.” He kissed Dan softly again as he slid the phone back into Dan’s pocket.

Dan gazed at him with eyes deep and filled with stars. “What name should I look for in my phone?”

Phil frowned, confused. “What?”

“Did you just put your name as Prince Charming, or do your friends call you something a little less pretentious?”

Phil laughed and said, “Oh my god. I can’t believe I never told you my name. It’s Phil. My name is Phil.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Phil,” Dan said formally, and then broke into giggles.

Phil pulled away and giggled along with him, seeing his own giddy happiness reflected in Dan’s face as the firework show’s grand finale exploded in multiple colors at once above them. “I have to … um…” Dan stammered shyly. “I have to go meet my family at the front gate.”

“I know,” Phil replied, then kissed him one more time, just a brush of their lips.

“But I’ll call you,” Dan hurried to add. “Phil.” And he smiled again.

“I know,” Phil repeated with a grin, and then gave him one last kiss. Dan turned to walk away, but looked back once before he disappeared into the crowd. Phil smiled and raised a hand, then chuckled to himself when he realized it was the one that was still slightly coated in drying bodily fluids.

When he was sure Dan was gone, Phil turned to walk back toward the employee lot where he’d parked his car. He walked loose-limbed, thumbs hooked into the front pockets of his ripped jeans … and for the first time today, Disneyland really did feel like the happiest place on earth.

Author’s End Note: I’m just going to ignore the logistical difficulties of mutual simultaneous hand jobs when one participant is right handed and the other is left handed. Pretend I never even pointed out the potential awkwardness.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #phan smut #smutty phan #au phanfiction #au phanfic #phanfiction au #phanfic au #phanfichallenge #myphanfic

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gordonwilliamsweb · 4 years ago

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California Is Overriding Its Limits on Nurse Workloads as Covid Surges

This story is from a reporting partnership that includes KQED, NPR and KHN. It can be republished for free.

California’s telemetry nurses, who specialize in the electronic monitoring of critically ill patients, normally take care of four patients at once. But ever since the state relaxed California’s mandatory nurse-to-patient ratios in mid-December, Nerissa Black has had to keep track of six.

And these six patients are really sick: Many of them are being treated simultaneously for a stroke and covid-19, or a heart attack and covid. With more patients than usual needing more complex care, Black said she’s worried she’ll miss something or make a mistake.

“We are given 50% more patients and we’re expected to do 50% more things with the same amount of time,” said Black, who has worked at the Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital in Valencia, California, for seven years. “I go home and I feel like I could have done more. I don’t feel like I’m giving the care to my patients like a human being deserves.”

As covid patients continue to flood California emergency rooms, hospitals are increasingly desperate to find enough staffers to care for them all. The state is asking nurses to tend to more patients simultaneously than they typically would, watering down what many nurses and their unions consider their most sacrosanct job protection: a law existing only in California that puts legal restrictions on the nurse-to-patient ratio.

“We need to temporarily — very short-term, temporarily — look a little bit differently in terms of our staffing needs,” said Gov. Gavin Newsom, after he quietly allowed hospitals to adjust their nurse-to-patient ratios on Dec. 11. Usually, California law requires a hospital to first get approval from the state before tinkering with those ratios; Newsom’s move gave hospitals presumptive approval to work outside the ratio rules immediately.

Since then, 188 hospitals, mainly in Southern California, have been operating under the new pandemic ratios: They can require ICU nurses to care for three patients instead of two. Emergency room and telemetry nurses may now be asked to care for six patients instead of four. Medical-surgical nurses are looking after seven patients instead of five.

Nurses have taken to the streets in protest, holding physically distanced demonstrations across the state, shouting and carrying posters that read: “Ratios Save Lives.” The union, the California Nurses Association, says the staffing shortage is a result of bad hospital management, of taking a reactive approach to staffing rather than proactive — laying nurses off over the summer, then not hiring or training enough for winter.

“What we’re seeing in these hospitals is their just-in-time response to a pandemic that they never prepared for — just-in-time staffing, just-in-time resources, not staffing up, calling nurses in on a shift at the very last minute — to boost profits,” said Stephanie Roberson, government relations director for the California Nurses Association. “And we’re seeing how nurses are being stretched even thinner.”

But hospitals say this is an unprecedented crisis that has spiraled beyond their control. In the current surge, four times as many Californians are testing positive for the coronavirus compared with the summer’s peak. As many as 7,000 new patients could soon be coming to California hospitals every day, according to Carmela Coyle, who heads the California Hospital Association.

“This is catastrophic and we cannot dodge this math,” she said. “We are simply out of nurses, out of doctors, out of respiratory therapists.”

The state has asked the federal government for staff, including 200 medical personnel from the Department of Defense, and it’s tried to reactivate the California Health Corps, an initiative to recruit retired health workers to come back to work. But that has yielded few people with the qualifications needed to care for hospitalized covid patients.

Hiring contract nurses from temporary staffing agencies or other states is all but impossible right now, Coyle said.

“Because California surged early during the summer and other parts of the United States then surged afterward,” she said, “those travel nurses are taken.“

The next step for hospitals is to try “team nursing,” Coyle said — pulling nurses from other departments, like the operating room, for example, and partnering them with experienced critical care nurses to help care for covid patients.

Joanne Spetz, an economics professor who studies health care workforce issues at the University of California-San Francisco, said hospitals should have started training nurses for team care over the summer, in anticipation of a winter surge, but they didn’t, either because of costs — hospitals lost a lot of revenue from canceled elective surgeries that could have paid for that training — or because of excessive optimism.

“California was doing so well,” she said. “It was easy for all of us to believe that we kind of got it under control, and I think there was a lot of belief that we would be able to maintain that.”

The California Nurses Association has good reason to be defensive regarding the integrity of the patient-ratio law, Spetz said. It took 10 years of lobbying and activism before the bill passed the state legislature in 1999, then several more years to overcome multiple court challenges, including one from then-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“I’m always kicking their butt, that’s why they don’t like me,” Schwarzenegger famously said of nurses, drawing broad ire from the nurses union and its allies.

Nurses prevailed in the court of public opinion and in law; rules that put a legal cap on the number of patients per nurse finally took effect in 2004. But the long battle made nurses fiercely protective of their win. They’ve even accused hospitals of using the pandemic to try to roll back ratios for good.

“This is the exercise of disaster capitalism at its finest, where [hospital administrators] are completely maximizing their opportunity to take advantage of this crisis,” Roberson said.

Hospitals deny they want to change the ratio law permanently, and Spetz said it’s unlikely they’d succeed if they tried. The public can see that nurses are overworked and burned out by the pandemic, she said, so there would be little support for cutting back their job protections once it’s over.

“To go in and say, ‘Oh, you clearly did so well without ratios when we let you waive them, so let’s just eliminate them entirely,’ I think, would be just adding insult to moral injury,” Spetz said.

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

California Is Overriding Its Limits on Nurse Workloads as Covid Surges published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

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stephenmccull · 4 years ago

Text

California Is Overriding Its Limits on Nurse Workloads as Covid Surges

This story is from a reporting partnership that includes KQED, NPR and KHN. It can be republished for free.

“This is catastrophic and we cannot dodge this math,” she said. “We are simply out of nurses, out of doctors, out of respiratory therapists.”

Hiring contract nurses from temporary staffing agencies or other states is all but impossible right now, Coyle said.

“Because California surged early during the summer and other parts of the United States then surged afterward,” she said, “those travel nurses are taken.“

“I’m always kicking their butt, that’s why they don’t like me,” Schwarzenegger famously said of nurses, drawing broad ire from the nurses union and its allies.

“This is the exercise of disaster capitalism at its finest, where [hospital administrators] are completely maximizing their opportunity to take advantage of this crisis,” Roberson said.

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

California Is Overriding Its Limits on Nurse Workloads as Covid Surges published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

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fasa-umich · 5 years ago

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One Last Time... Kaitlyn Barron & Izzy Poquiz, 2019-2020 FASA Co-Cultural Chairs

The end is here

Kaitlyn: So, I guess we’ve reached the end…

Izzy: Looks like it :,). It seems like just yesterday we were scrambling to plan fall semster’s events, let alone PCN. How did we pull everything off?

Kaitlyn: I honestly have no clue lol. As you continue down Izzy and I’s brain dump, laugh, cry, take note, and cringe at our escapades from a year we will never forget.

^AHAHAHAHA Dank.

EPISODE I

THE CULTURAL CHAIRS AWAKEN

Tinikling on the Diag… Adobo Night….PCN...Lumpia Night… oh my! Cultural Chair may seem like a lot, because it truly is. However, it is a role like no other. With your Co-Chair (who may become your new best friend) it’s you against the world in spreading the Kultura!

^One of our proudest accomplishments

On paper you’re tasked with putting on 3 cultural events each semester, with a specific emphasis on Philippine Cultural Night. This entails facilitating PCN Committee meetings, staying in contact with venue staff, developing programming, finding a speaker, picking a theme, creating and printing programs, working closely with the Performance Chair(s), ensuring we have the right amount of funding, overseeing decorations, picking a menu

Kaitlyn: We may be overwhelming them!

Izzy: Touche. Let’s break it down to the necessities:

EPISODE II

THE RISE OF THE KULTURA: CULTURAL CHAIR TOP TIPS

1. YOUR CULTURE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT

a. We both are by no means experts on Filipinx / Filipinx-American culture! We have certainly become well-versed in researching, fact-checking, being open to learning, and seeking out ways to represent diverse identities.

b. YOU define your identity, and you are in a position where you can help others explore what Filipinx / Filipinx-American culture means to THEM. This is exactly what makes Cultural Chair so difficult... and so worth it.

2. PLAN AHEAD

a. Trust us, PCN is a huge event to wrap your head around and making sure you get work done before you return to school is so very important. Plus you have all summer to talk about your ideas, which is fun with school not in the way!

b. Organization is the name of the game. Out of all the handy-dandy resume skills to have, effective organizational skills and time management is KEY.

c. By no means do you have to be a master planner, but planning an event as big as PCN while delivering on your responsibilities as a board member and student is no small feat. Know yourself. Know your limits, Most importantly, know when to ask for help!

3. TRUST YOUR CO AND TRUST YOUR BOARD

a. #THETEAM THETEAM THETEAM

b. #What team? WILDCATS

c. Your Co and fellow Boardies are your greatest support system. They are there for you when you want to cry or yell at something (a point that you almost certainly will reach), they always got your back. When you’re having a particularly busy time academically, ask for some help. Utilize this resource wisely!

4. REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN

a. It can be hard sometimes to find some humor and fun when you have to deal with logistics, event planning, or serious discussions. But remember that you ran for this position to make a difference in FASA and to get people engaged with this culture we love so much. Take a break and crack a joke, it really helps when the PCN budget looms in your face.

b. Your time on board moves fast. Like crazy fast. Despite all the past testimonials and boardies saying the same exact thing, it still surprises us how quickly our time as Culturals has come to its end. Cherish every moment and use your time efficiently and effectively.

^So fresh and so clean

Izzy: Speaking of fun, Kaitlyn and I DEFINITELY had our fair share of dank dynamic duo moments… All the stressful and unsavory moments that come with being cultural pale in comparison thanks to Kaitlyn and I’s ride-or-die support we have for each other. When I felt outside pressure, it was easy to eventually push through because I always knew Kaitlyn would be fighting in my corner alongside me.

^CULTURALS UNITE

Kaitlyn: Full disclosure: PCN planning starts as soon as you are elected, so yes March is already go-time. So naturally, Izzy and worked together much over the summer (sometimes twice a week on end), but as we were on opposite sides of the country, FaceTime became our best friend. 6:30 am was probably the earliest I woke up for a call (the time difference is something else), but not once did either of us complain. Those meetings were where we tossed around event ideas, speaker options, and found Pamana our chosen PCN theme. We would hash out the nitty gritties of PCN and go off on tangents about Game of Thrones. I will miss those early mornings and late night calls.

EPISODE III

THE CO-CHAIRS STRIKE BACK

Your greatest friend or worst enemy?

Hahaha jk jk …...UNLESS?!

Cultural Chair is a role that we would say is pretty near impossible to do alone. Nor would this role be as fun and rewarding if you were alone. Your co is there to be your greatest supporter, picking you up when you feel like the world is ending. Whenever one of us had a rough week, the other would take on more to make sure the job got done. When you’re bouncing ideas for PCN it helps to have someone else there to workshop and discuss your grandest and craziest of ideas (cough cough storyline PCN cough cough). When you are running an event like Lumpia Night it helps to have someone to direct the night’s events and interact with members, or escape to cook lumpia for 30 minutes cause you’re overwhelmed by all the people talking (lol), your co has got your back. Even more than the role, we were there for each other as friends, there to cheer up on an off day or “study” for hours on end. This year wouldn’t have been possible without the dream team.

^Young and Naive

Izzy: Before we say our final goodbyes as Culturals, let’s share a little bit about how we got to FASA in the first place.

I’ve come to realize that FASA has been in the back of my mind ever since I attended PCN waaaay back when my Ate Melissa was organizing it. I, a tiny four-year-old, was just there for the ride. Little did I know that FASA would fill the cultural deficit that was missing from growing up in my white washed, small(ish) town. Once I was on campus, my desire to join and immerse myself in FASA was pretty intense. I stalked all the social media, flipped through the old FASA albums, and wondered if FASA would actually live up to my increasingly high expectations. In time, I would meet my fellow former freshman and build friendships that I’m endlessly thankful for. I’d also run for board and even win alongside the GOAT, Kaitlyn Barron herself.

^How could you not love this person

Kaitlyn: I remember going FestiFall freshman year and instantly spotting the Filipino flag waving around high in the air. I ran to it and haven’t looked back from it since.

Growing up in an Irish-Filipino American household, I was often at odds with where I landed. I was too white to be Asian and too Asian to be white. Even with the bountiful diversity of my Southern Californian upbringing, I did not appreciate my Filipino heritage fully. Once I came here, separated from my family and all I knew, I clung to the anchor that was my mom’s culture, claiming it as my own and one that I would be willing to fight for. I grew to realize that I am Filipino enough, not because I knew the entire history of the Philippines, but because of the love I held for this culture I have grown cherish.

EPISODE IV

A NEW PAMANA

Izzy: Our love for Filipinx American culture and will to claim it as our own have been the driving force behind our time as Cultural Chairs. We worked tirelessly, meticulously, and passionately to create an environment that supported all of you to feel the same pride to be a member of our community.

We hope that Tinik on the Diag got you excited for a packed year of the FASA Performance we’ve all come to know and love (shoutout to Bea, the honorary third Cultural Chair). We hope that Adobo Night and Lumpia Night gave you a little taste of home when you were feeling a bit homesick. We hope the cultural workshops that we’ve put on helped you to think critically about important topics that affect our community. We hope PCN inspired you to look back at the rich legacy behind us and look forward to the vibrant new Pamana that you help create each day.

Kaitlyn: I can fully say this has been one of the best years of my life, and I credit much of it to FASA. Leaving home was scary, but coming here to Michigan I found my new home in FASA. I’m going to leave all the thank yous to Izzy, but to her I have many thanks:

Izzy, You helped this shy lil bean find her place far away from all I knew. From long nights throwing ideas at our iconic google docs, to supporting me whenever I didn’t feel Filipino enough for this role, and of course all the times we got distracted and just watched YouTube videos and GoT reruns. I will forever be grateful for your friendship and love. I’m the lucky one who had the privilege to call you my co.

Izzy: Maraming maraming salamat sa inyong lahat.

To all of you still reading this, thank you for allowing Kaitlyn and I to have our Academy Award speech moment. We’ve been feeling a lil sentimental <3

To FASA, thank you for giving us the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to grow and learn about ourselves, our culture, and our community. Thank you for letting us share a little of ourselves with you this year.

To our future Kultura Chairs, You’ll do great, you’re doing great, you’ve done great. Cultural Chair requires a certain level of comfort with being uncomfy, and confidence when it seems the odds are against you. You have Kaitlyn and I’s support, and if you need us we’re only a text away!

To my fellow boardies, our board was undeniably special. I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with a group of individuals so diverse in leadership style who still always made sure there was respect and understanding for each other. I'm proud to say we’re living proof that a successful working relationship is possible with your friends. I already miss y’all so much.

To Matt and AJ, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, (but mostly the best of times :,) ). Thank you for giving us the room to let our creativity truly shine and the guidance to keep things on track. I would say I’ll miss all the assheadery, but I have a feeling that’s not going to end any time soon.

And to Kaitlyn, there are LITERALLY no words that can convey how lucky I feel that we were brought together to do this job. Thanks to you, I learned so much about how to stand up for my beliefs and how to become a more empowered individual. Love you lots, co.

SINCERELY YOURS IN CULTURE,

Kaitlyn and Izzy

#2019.20 #FASACultural

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kathrwn · 5 years ago

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Lana Del Rey is rotting your brain

Read with footnotes here.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: Lana Del Rey does not exist. No, since she is the character performed by the artist Lizzie Grant, whose uncritical approach to American nostalgia does more to invoke the helplessness of American apocalyptica than to make us yearn for simpler times. And just as Lana does not exist, neither does any depth to the project of Miss Del Rey. Between winged eyeliner, prairie dust photo filters, and an affected croon, Lana Del Rey manages to be both campy and pretentious, and does neither particularly well.

Looking at Lana Del Rey music videos, there are similarities which together comprise a Lana “image,” or a sort of aesthetic uniform which unites the Lana Del Rey Cinematic Universe. Often there are post-production filters which evoke old-school photographs of your mom’s cousin in the 60s, references to film and music stars of the 50s, and a misplaced fetish for the “good ol’ days” of America which turns grit into surface-level beauty.

Thematic focus is good, especially when the singer is a construction, like Lana is. Critics are quick to notice her sharp devotion to her bit, calling her music a “Southern Californian dream world constructed out of sad girls and bad boys, manufactured melancholy and genuine glamour,” or “a blown-out Hollywood production.” Lana has described herself as a “Lolita got lost in the hood” or even a “Gangsta Nancy Sinatra” which critics have called straight “manufactured.”

While plenty of songstresses presently play with the heights of glamour that women are expected to summit in the spotlight--Lady Gaga, Cher, and Dolly Parton come to mind instantly--many of them inject irony or camp into their performances, their outfits, their presentation. Parton in particular loves to joke about herself, famously quipping “I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.”

It undeniable to say these three women also play characters in their music--Lady Gaga is not nobility, Cher’s Twitter is filled with political commentary, Dolly Parton is, of course, not even blond. Lana also plays a character, but why is the Lana character a failure compared to the others? It’s not for want of production--many women pop stars are over-, perhaps even hyper-produced to drive the point home about the disinfectant power pop music holds over artists. Lana is also over-produced, somehow giving her music an auditory sepia tone, as though it were a film from the Golden Age of Hollywood.

But perhaps that’s it--Lana, as a character, is reactionary. She invokes a time well-past, and one well-past for good reason. The 50s and 60s were not heavenly for all, certainly not for black people, not for gay people, nor political dissidents. Lana’s music draws on themes that attempt to highlight the teeming hate and anger of midcentury America, but ultimately fail when she refers to herself as “[y]our Venice bitch” and prides herself on wearing “his favorite sundress” but with a strange sincerity. Often times, Lana infantilizes herself, referring to her lover as “Daddy,” or worrying that he is so superficial he might not love her, perhaps most famously, when she is “no longer young and beautiful.”

That is not to say that Lana is vapid, but she has adopted the veneer of being so. She has unwittingly become a crooner for the past when her worth was tied to a sexual currency. Her uncritical love for glam and grand cinematisme is part of her pastiche act. But because she is nostalgic, and rarely, if ever, scathing when she sings about outdated courtship and relationship dynamics, she shows just how empty her actual songs are. In dying to know if she will be loved when her skin is no longer elastic, Lana never manages to find validation and closure in herself, instead tying her worth even tighter to a man she calls her “sun,” who plays with her “like a child.” Cool and normal. Newer songs follow this same trend, with cuts like “You’re beautiful and I’m insane, We’re American made” doing little to flatter herself, then listing off American inventions like “Hallmark” and “Norman Rockwell.” (The Norman Rockwell thing is especially weird when she follows it immediately with references to sex and then calling herself--again!--“your little Venice bitch.”)

There’s nothing many Americans love more than Americana and sincerely yearning for a time they never experienced. Lana, perhaps, is the most “I was born in the wrong decade” singer to grace our airways. Her songs make love, even uneven and abusive love, the ultimate goal. Letting summer--a time that is eternal in the LDRCU and, supposedly, California--wash over her and her lovers until the cocaine and ocean consume them.

Then, it’s no surprise this cheeky political compass places Lana in the libertarian right segment--she is made to sell, to hit some pleasure center in impressionable brains, to be a sweet spot in pop music that guarantees profits will be made from her work. Her songs are chock full of concrete imagery, which allows them to become realized in her audience's mind, rather than relying on letting the listener make their own emotional connections. There is nothing wrong with that, but it shows why the Del Rey song formula is as successful as it is soulless.

Take, for instance, her famous “Summertime Sadness.” From the red dress she wears, to the pale moonlight, to the “telephone wires above... Sizzling like a snare” we can recreate the scene in our heads. These lines are so evocative, so palpable in what they describe, it wouldn’t be hard at all to envision yourself standing in her same pair of high heels.

However, there is a marked absence of irony or self-awareness in her discography. Her sincerity is her downfall. When she sings “Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, You like your girls insane,” does she mean it. And she really means it. She prides herself on her lyrical tendency to degrade women.

This is not a new criticism of Lana. She herself has said “the issue of feminism is just not an interesting concept. I’m more interested in, you know, SpaceX and Tesla, what’s going to happen with our intergalactic possibilities. Whenever people bring up feminism, I’m like, ‘God, I’m just not really that interested,'” which is proof that Lana is so massively lacking in any self-awareness that her music becomes pointless, useless, and dumb. How is being interested in SpaceX and Tesla at all incompatible with the basic philosophy of women’s liberation and complete personhood? What about the women who were unable to be astrophysicists in the past, but are now writing the algorithms that take us to those “intergalactic possibilities”? How about the droves of young women who unironically listen to this schlock, call themselves insane, and then have no clue how to be a part of a functioning, normal relationship, because they think they have to be a crazy minx? Actually, even better, what about the bat shit insane way Elon Musk treats women, like when he famously pulled his bride aside and told her he was “the alpha.” It’s just bonkers how popular Lana Del Rey’s line of thinking is. That somehow feminism is incompatible with the fetishism of science?

Perhaps that’s where Lana Del Rey stands out. As soft rock and easy listening DJs give us “Fight Song” and “Firework” ad nauseum, we have grown weary of the female empowerment song. Any song that wasn’t “You’re So Vain,” is extraneous to the genre of girl power pop. Maybe this makes Lana appealing, if only because she shakes up our expectations. Her yearning is to be submissive, not to be dominant, a far cry from the way many chanteuses have embodied the lyrics of Patti Page’s “Conquest.”

If that were all, maybe it could be forgiven. It would be a sweet rebellion against the popular themes of the day, one that has its problems but isn’t overly regressive. Only, the more you dig, the worse it becomes. Not just the content of her lyrics, and her constant playing of the damsel, but the visuals she chooses to use in her videos and albums are beyond simply self-stylized misogyny. Lana has a nasty habit of racializing her character, trying to make simple the complex legacy of mid-century American counter culture.

For instance, in her epic three-song music video Tropico, Lana appears to us in several visions. Once as Eve, once as a sex worker, once as a woman escaped from the city to be with her lover. The first one is the color of the dream of a flower-crown-era-Tumblr aesthetic blogger, the last is similarly as harmless. But that one in the middle is an iffy exploration of the actual economic conditions of sex workers, but absurdly tone deaf in the light of her comments about feminism. And all of the above is extremely tone deaf within the LDRCU. Is she supposed to be the girlfriend of a gang member, styled in heavy eyeliner and bandanas reminiscent of cholo culture? Or is she, as is inline with much of the rest of her videography, an upper-crust, Jackie-O-esque trophy wife with a listless stare? Neither are particularly good characters to play, relying on stereotypes and hazy filters to get the point across.

But Lana has always had an issue with understanding the fundamental issues of her middle-distance gaze into American history. Yes, it’s cool Lana has A$AP Rocky play Kennedy, that’s pretty neat; but it’s also extremely uncool to do so while adopting a Cuban-sounding name while turning up the nostalgia factor on figures who, like Kennedy, did great harm to Cuban and Cuban-Americans. The conflict she creates within her own character is glossed over by her, and much of her audience. While critical pieces of Lana do exist, many fans--including myself at times!--get lost in her Venice Beach Baddie persona, and forget her self-awareness trends in the wrong direction.

With the release of “Norman Fucking Rockwell” on the horizon (at the time of writing), though, we’re going to have to ask ourselves--is that a normal name for an album, or are we all having a collective fever dream?

#original #blog #pop culture criticism #media criticism #it's a blog don't take it seriously

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southernmnmentors · 6 years ago

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A Big Move and Some Great Minnesota Memories

“I’m going to miss Minnesota,” said Roscoe Ramirez as he proudly sported one of the many Minnesota-related shirts he’s collected while visiting the State Fair during his summers in the NorthStar state.

Roscoe was attending his final Rochester Suburban Toastmasters meeting on Monday night and was in reflective mood. “I’ve made a lot of friends, I will cherish this place,” he said.

During his time in Minnesota, Roscoe managed to hold most of Suburban’s club officer positions. He did the same service with Southern MN Mentors Toastmasters and parlayed his leadership experience to the Directorship of Division F in Southern Minnesota.

But Roscoe’s priorities and life changed when he lost his job in Winona last December. It was the first for him, and it forced the accountant to make hard decisions while trying to figure out a path forward.

During what was at times an emotional final speech, Roscoe described how his termination “forced me to humble myself.” He took a job as a janitor at a local hospital. It was the resiliency and sense of community he says you can’t find anywhere else that helped him through the past several months.

Roscoe is now headed to Portland, Oregon to watch over the money matters of a multi-billion dollar privately-held company which has locations in states across the country. After much discussion, he and the company managers decided they were a good match.

It’s a familiar return to the West Coast for Roscoe. While he lived in Minnesota for six-years, he was in Chicago for two-years before that. He also split his time between California and Seattle, Washington for a few years as well.

Before he moved to Minnesota, he recalls that someone told him “if you can handle 50 degree below windchills, you’ll be fine.” Roscoe can proudly say he survived horrible windchills and the Polar Vortex for good measure. One Minnesota speech affectation will apparently be helpful in the Oregon and Washington area; Roscoe says he will say “pop” more than “soda” around his new co-workers. According to him the term “Soda” is a term favored by a less popular group of people known as Californians.

In Roscoe’s opinion, Toastmasters is more than learning to handle public speaking and being succinct; he also values the many friendships he’s made. “It’s about discovering your true potential,” he says. Clubs are where leaders are made, but Roscoe says the experience also left him more “self-aware, disciplined and humble.”

“I’m going to miss the good groups, generosity and friendship in Toastmasters in Minnesota,” he says. We hope Roscoe will eventually decide to continue his Toastmasters journey in his new home.

#toastmasters #publicspeaking #d6tm #mentors #mentorship #leadership

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acehotel · 8 years ago

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Interview: Alex Weiser of Tehachapi Grain Project

Mel Melcon for the Los Angeles Times

Grain has always been a symbolic emblem of America’s vast plains, the land of plenty, the rolling hills dappled with sunlight that can’t hold a candle to the golden grass it bathes. “Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain,” the song goes — and one typically thinks of the midwest, home to our treasured grain belt that feeds the entire country. Alex Weiser, an organic farmer of Weiser Family Farms and co-founder of Tehachapi Grain Project, is working to change that standard by establishing a sustainable grain belt in Southern California to feed its local community with flavorful heritage grains — grains that always grew there, we just forgot.

On May 26, Ace Hotel Downtown Los Angeles and Confluence LA will celebrate Tehachapi Grain Project with a dinner that honors the full flavor and scope of heritage grains. We spoke with Alex about the history of grains in Southern California, how he moved to growing heirloom grains to harvest on his farm, and beer, one of the great offsprings of grain.

Hi Alex, the dinner menu for the Tehachapi Heritage Grain Project Dinner sounds incredible. Did you work closely with the chefs to bring it together?

Yeah, oh boy, we go way back. Ella and Elaina are both dear friends of mine from I don’t know how many years back. I’ve seen Ella’s growth as a chef, and I knew Elaina back when she was managing the Library Alehouse in Santa Monica. Ella has been to the farm several times. She’s a great person, and loves what she does. We’re good friends. And Elaina’s reached out to help the farm, supporting us. Wonderful.

It ties into how much of your farm is rooted in family history, and how you’re creating this new community around farming. Pretty amazing.

Actually, I’m with my dad now! We’re both here in Claremont. I’m telling my dad, “it’s 95 degrees out, get out of the sun.”

I hope he’s wearing a hat.

Hah, yes, he’s wearing a hat. He starts seeing weeds and goes to them. “Dad, get out. Weed later.”

Always that farm mentality.

Exactly. Doesn’t want to leave the weeds.

When, in the trajectory of you farming, after a long history of only growing and selling vegetables and fruits, did you become interested in growing and harvesting grain?

Great question. Well, grain has always been something to grow and is part of good farming — makes for better carrots and potatoes — and is good for all the other things I grow. What we were doing before with grain was more for soil building. You have land that you’re growing crops that have value, cash crops. California land is prime land so you’re growing what you can with the highest value. I’ve started to grow strawberries, for example. You try to figure out a formula to grow things for profit because your resources as a farmer are limited.

And growing grain is great for that. It’s important to holistic farming to use crop rotation, to implement organic farming. We were growing a mix of grain and turning it into the soil during the green stage for soil building, so it was more about growing the crop and not really letting the crop grow out, going dry, getting a combine, harvesting it. We were more about getting to that cash crop.

Plus, as a small farmer — you know big farmers have the resources — all I’m doing is five acres and they’re working on two hundred acres, or four hundred acres. The guys come out with their big combines for that. Doing just five acres, or ten acres, or even twenty acres, and even if you’re doing different varieties, there just isn’t resources for small farmers, especially in Southern California.

To grow grain out and sell it, it has to have value. Grain growing has always been something that was attractive to us, but there was no money in it; you would need to produce a lot of volume. When you think of grain growing, you think 10,000 acres, and if you do grow it out to seed, you’re growing with a contract. So, if you know you have fewer acres and you’re only getting five cents, it seems like a commodity that has no value.

Maybe you get part of your money back, but it’s usually a loss leader. But I was thinking that growing grain paid part of the cost of making my soil better, I’ll only be down so much an acre, so it still made sense to grow, just not harvest.

But now, being enlightened by chefs and artisans that taught me that there’s a whole world of grain that can be grown and that there are people who want to play with it, experiment with it, it’s led me to grow and harvest heritage grains. It’s not about a big guy coming in and paying you pennies. It’s being bought by people who are specifically interested in your grain.

More local, direct impact.

Just like thirty years ago when we’re like, “Hey, grow heirloom melons. Grow heirloom tomatoes. Hey, grow purple potatoes.” We’re now thinking the same way about heirloom grains, it’s the missing part of the food revolution. That whole world of unique grains and flavors are now in our breads, pastas and beers. There’s so much flavor and variety and health there. Whole grains aren’t bad. They’ve been getting a bad rap because of all that white flour that made everybody unhealthy.

Right, your heirloom grains are actually really low in gluten. And now there’s interest in heritage grains from the average consumer?

Totally. Whole grains are delicious, and there’s so many flavors, and they’re drought tolerant. That’s another beautiful thing that we thought we could contribute to Southern Californian. We’re growing with it, planting it in the fall, with rain water almost exclusively growing our grain crop.

Amazing to have the harvest work with the environment.

It’s just bringing back a grain economy to small farmers. You know, it’s another revenue stream at a time when you’re not making money growing other crops. It’s like, “Oh, now I can grow something that’s low input.” You drill the seed, it grows, you can harvest it. Then I still plant my carrots and potatoes right after, but now I’m making revenue on grains as well. Grain now has value and it’s something people want.

When Glenn Roberts said, “Hey, you should think think about growing grain,” at first I’m like, “Ah, well, I only have 80 acres. I don’t know, and how would I get it harvested?” It’s all timing, too. You got to get it out quick, it’s still tough. But we started developing a small grain economy for our area.

And directly to your community.

Yes, a food community who is supporting the farmers who want to bring the best food to market. We’re creating an economy for all farmers to start getting food directly to the public.

It’s also understanding what grows best here, and getting enlightened by Glenn Roberts. Finding out that, "Gee, the history of California is grain growing — California used to be the top grain producing state in the country.”

Wow, I didn’t know that. Most would only just think of Kansas and North Dakota, these giant fields in the grain belt.

Right. It’s because it grows there well, it’s because the land there is plentiful and cheap, and they get rain. But as far as what grain likes, flavors we can produce with heritage grains, and where it’s from originally, it’s actually from a Mediterranean climate. That’s what we have here. We have fall and winter rains, then dry, dry summers.

Grains have acclimated so that it does better here. It’s just that with the monoculture system, grain growing kind of got pushed to the side because we were growing things that are worth the most.

But now there’s a market for the grains that already do well in Southern California’s climate.

Why I like growing heritage grain is because it’s good for the soil, good to build the soil. It’s good for the environment. Our environment. And it makes my vegetables better. Now, maybe we can make some money on it too, at a time we didn’t. It helps the farm by having something we grow with rain cycle. It’s a win win.

One of the things that I found really interesting is that ingrained in this project is a community effort around it, working to seed your local community, working with other farms. And that the grains that you’re choosing to grow came from interest from chefs, etc. I read that the first grain that you grew was buckwheat for someone who wanted to make their own soba noodles. I thought it was amazing to see this communication and collaboration between farms and its local community.

Totally, I feel very honored to have the opportunity to work with chefs and makers who were enthusiastic and interested, “Come on, hey, you should be doing this.”

It makes food really about feeding people, and creating a direct relationship between farms and households. Suddenly, farmers are a huge part of the conversation, not so much the middle-men who package and sell food.

It’s great to see. There’s an environment that’s better. It’s bringing back farming to the way it was before World War II. That was when everybody farmed. You grew your grains, you rotated, you fed your community from your farm. Then the chemical revolution happened and things shifted.

“Gee, I can grow strawberries. Peaches. I can grow other things that I don’t usually grow.” Anything that doesn’t pay well, no one tends to do as much. Not that they were getting rich on the grain, but there’s things we can make from it. Like I said, it’s something we can make a little bit of money on, create maybe, be a part of. There’s a lot of wheat products…

We can do pasta. Beer! They just create the basis for so many things. Or even just selling it, growing exotic grains and getting it to the Ellas of the world, people who are passionate and care for flavor. We like growing for flavor, growing unique things. Health does not come from mass produced stuff.

Can you tell me about some of your heritage grains and what makes the flavor different from what I’m usually getting?

You know, the chefs will have more feedback on flavor. There’s so much variety there. I’ve heard that my grains have more fruity flavor, that it smells so good and tastes so much better, but they’re the experts on flavor. I just know that people I really respect have been buying it again and again, “this grain is the best.”

That’s amazing.

It makes sense for all the right reasons. With heritage grains you can smell it, the flavor is unique. And I’m getting seed from Glenn Roberts and I’m taking his advice of what grows best here, like Sonora wheat. Sonora wheat is an original wheat that came to California with the missionaries. It’s that soft flour that tortillas are made from. They brought it here because it was drought tolerant and it grew better here.

It’s originally from Mexico so it’s what grows best here. It’s historical, has uniqueness, and we like bringing varieties from Italy as well. It’s a whole science. Not just growing grain, but then the milling of it, the uses, and the different types of grain. That’s what’s exciting too, there’s so much demand for high quality grains. Especially if you’re an artisan and you want to separate your product in the market. It’s finding the best ingredients you can.

It follows the principle of growing, what you should grow is what grows best in that environment. It’s good farming.

More farmers can now say, “Hey, I can crop rotate and make some money on all my crops. Now I can be organic farmer.” Now it makes financial sense to them.

Right, there is value there.

It creates an economy. Being a farmer’s market farmer, you meet the chefs at the markets and develop relationships over thirty-five years, it’s like being street level. You hear “I’m opening a bakery, hey I make pasta. Yeah, grow that particular grain for that.” That’s what happened, basically.

I love that relationship that develops out of food. It’s so great when farmers, chefs and the public become so interested in what they’re growing, cooking, what they’re eating. It creates a community around food culture that informs each other, helps each other be more mindful.

Totally. That’s what’s totally going on. I love it too. It’s nice to know who you’re growing for and giving people healthful choices.

Yes, and it’s also wonderful that you’re working with other farmers and growing a grain belt in Southern California. I thought that this kind of collaborative farming was a new concept, but it sounds like you’re saying that it’s actually revitalizing old farm traditions.

Right. It’s partly doing things that would be easier together, going in on combines and helping harvest. And it’s partly just trying to get back to our farming principles.

This will be more and more important as our world changes.

It’s also going back to the history of our area which is rooted in grain growing, it’s the first things that were growing in our area.

That’s so wild that it was abandoned at some point.

It just wasn’t worth it for people. But now, it’s funny to look at the wild rye that grows every year — rain comes, the rye grows — and it’s just been growing under my nose for a long time. This rye has been self propagating, it’s been acclimated from years of growing here from other farms way back. It keeps re-seeding itself, it’s established. And that tells you that it’s firmly at home in the ground. When it’s growing wild, it’s probably a good thing.

It’s like in Oregon, you have great berries, and it’s probably because wild berries love growing there.

They’re everywhere! You can walk around and just pick berries anywhere from the side of a highway to deep in the forest.

Yeah. I’m excited about grain and studying about what people are making with them. We’re happy to grow it. It’s good for our soil, it’s good for our property. It’s good for the environment, and it makes for better vegetables and it gives us the full array of food possibilities. Who knows what we can make from it? Pizza? Beer? Hah, I keep going back to beer.

Sounds like you need a cold one, right now.

That, and I think I want to collaborate with a brewer. We’re growing barley, beer barley, which is a particular brewing barley. We’ll work with local breweries.

It’s so exciting that you get to collaborate with all of these different makers.

Well, you know what? You grow good things that have flavor — everybody wants flavor, everyone likes good things to eat and drink — and the people will come. It’s very fulfilling to do and the future is exciting.

Ok, I’m going into the field.

#weiser family farms #tehachapi grain project #yes #confluence la #los angeles #alex weiser #heirloom grains #southern california

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warriorgays · 8 years ago

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lieb/snafu for 10 then? i just love that pair so much and there's not enough fic for them xx

Liebgott woke early on Sunday morning. Not by choice, but because the 6:14 train came through just a block away from Snafu’s apartment building and saw fit to wail like the devil as it came. He muttered a few choice words to himself and rolled over, but it was too late, he was awake. He climbed out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee.

He had met Snafu a few months ago, in San Diego. Snafu’s unit had been in the city for only a few days, but Liebgott had been able to give him a pretty good time as a sort of welcome back to the States, and in exchange Snafu had told him to look him up if he was ever in Louisiana. Liebgott had never had any plans to be in Louisiana, but… well, plans changed.

He watched with bleary eyes as the coffee dripped down into the pot and realized that he could now say with absolute certainty that he fucking hated New Orleans.

For one thing, there were the trains. Liebgott was a city boy, and he didn’t have trouble with city noises, but Snafu was too damn close to the train tracks. Somehow Snafu slept through it, but they woke Liebgott up all the time.

Then there was the diner on the first floor of the building that started cooking breakfast at 6am and didn’t stop until about 11 o’clock. He could smell the food now, the unmistakable aroma of bacon and sausage that had definitively ended any desire Liebgott had ever had to try treif. He’d eaten bacon in the Army–mostly when it was mixed in with beans and things like that–when he couldn’t afford to be picky, but the smell of it was so ripe, so obscenely fatty that he could barely stomach it. Meanwhile he was dying for some kishke. A million varieties of andouille sausage in the city and no kishke to be found. Fucking ridiculous.

Not to mention this weather! Fuck, Liebgott thought he would be okay, because California weather wasn’t exactly cold, but it was so humid down here that he felt like he was drowning in boiling water whenever the mercury climbed too high. And Snafu had zero sympathy for him whatsoever on that count, because summer in the South Pacific was worse.

“You got cold showers and fresh clothes so be fuckin’ grateful,” he chastised with vindictive pleasure.

“Fuck you,” Liebgott always replied, and Snafu would fan himself with his hand and drawl “Nah, darlin’, it’s too damn hot.”

The other thing that continuously nagged at him was the issue of race in New Orleans. Liebgott didn’t get it. Sure, San Francisco had its own complex relationships between the WASPs, the Negroes, the Asians, the Mexicans, the Italians, the Jews–not to mention the Sephardim and the Ashkenazim. But in his part of the city there was a truce. Most of the residents were only first or second generation Californians (many only first or second generation Americans, at that), all were working class. Around the time Joe was born there had been some scuffles among the different dock workers, but now the neighborhoods pretty much kept to themselves, only really interacting when the unions had an issue that needed cooperation or when ragtag groups of boys tussled in the streets. Violence wasn’t unheard of, but it wasn’t usual.

He wasn’t used to segregation. It made him uneasy whenever he had to sit under a sign that said Whites Only–half of him felt guilty and the other half kept expecting someone to say “you’re not white, you’re a Jew, what the fuck are you doing here?” People weren’t afraid to use force to ensure the status quo was maintained–he’d seen it himself, read about it in the papers. Sometimes he saw it just in the way the colored folks who lived a block over looked at him and Snafu when they walked past, a combination of wariness and resentment that let him know something had happened.

But at the same time, he saw blacks and whites mixing everywhere–colored nannies with white children, white bosses overseeing crews of colored workers, entertainment and tourist locales where having a good time and putting forth a good image mattered more than anything else. That was before you even factored in the Cajuns in the city, and the bitter divide between the Old Money southerners, the poor folk, and anyone from the North or the West who was looked at practically as an intruder. Liebgott didn’t get it. He was used to ethnic enclaves that ended at the border of bland Americanness, pure and simple. In New Orleans everything seemed mixed together and shaken up. Snafu moved through this world with effortless ease and a healthy amount of disdain for everyone, but Liebgott felt out of sorts. He’d spent enough time getting thrown together with people he didn’t understand. Sometimes he just wanted to sit down and talk comic books, talk local sports, talk Yiddishkeit with people who knew what the hell he was talking about.

He poured his cup of coffee and wandered back to the bedroom, thinking about how part of his dislike for New Orleans might just be homesickness. There was irony in that. He ran away from San Francisco because it felt too normal, too stifling, and now here he was missing it. Maybe he should go back, just for a little while… maybe Snafu would like to go for a visit.

Liebgott realized what he was thinking and paused. That was funny–why should he care whether Snafu wanted to visit San Francisco or not? They weren’t married. He could go wherever the fuck he pleased. But he found himself staring at Snafu, stretched out across the bed, the sheets covering his legs and one ass cheek and leaving the rest of him exposed. His arms were splayed out, taking up half the bed, and sunlight was filtering through the spotted window onto his bare back. He looked like a slob, but a comfortable slob, and Liebgott felt an unexpected tingle of affection in his spine. He sat back on the bed, settling against the wall.

Snafu would go, he thought. Snafu didn’t let himself get tied up in people’s expectations. He claimed that was the war, that it taught him never to take things for granted, but Liebgott figured that was bullshit. Snafu just had his own priorities. He liked his job. He liked going to the movies. He liked people-watching from their fire escape on Sunday mornings. He liked getting home on time and spending hours in the kitchen. He would cook big meals made of lots of little portions of food he could pick at as he cooked. Liebgott often joined him in the kitchen, and they chatted idly and listened to the radio and polished off a few beers while they were at it. What the fuck else did they have to do?

It was just what Liebgott needed. He felt like they were drifting through life, enjoying the good parts and ignoring the bad and not feeling beholden to anyone. It made the weirdness of New Orleans worth it.

“You’re lucky I love you,” he muttered into his coffee.

“Mmhm,” Snafu mumbled, curling his hands around his pillow, and Liebgott jumped.

“Since when are you awake at this hour?” he demanded, ignoring the flush creeping up the back of his neck.

��Dunno,” he shrugged. He scooted sideways on the bed and readjusted so he was half lying in Liebgott’s lap. “Love you, too.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Liebgott said under his breath, but his hand found its way into Snafu’s hair anyway.

#Anonymous #I'm not sure if I totally like this or not #I got a little caught up in like...#not the relationship parts lol #but idk here it is!!#series: band of brothers #series: pacific #hbo war #war crossover #snafgott #snafu #liebgott

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halfbreed-hawkins-blog · 8 years ago

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What country are you from?

I am from the United States of America specifically I was born in Southern California and raised in Northern California. I specify myself as NorCal girl, and I was raised in the North Bay around 30 miles from San Francisco and spend most of my days, nights and weekends in The City, Berkeley, Oakland, Hayward ect. It’s sorta important to remember that I’m Californian cause that’s mostly how I’ll be answering these questions since the United States is so large so traditions and the culture can vary from state to state, and even more specifically the divide between Northern and Southern California is very prominent even with speech patterns, slang, dialect and well... everything.

What is your first language? Do you speak any other languages?

English is my first language, I can speak a conversational amount of Spanish because it would be really difficult to not know any in California, I also know words in Tagalog because there is a large Filipino population in my town and especially at my schools, as well as the tiniest amount of Latin thanks to Catholic school.

What language would you like to learn?

Italian, Spanish, maybe learn like French or German.

What’s one movie from your country that you like (or recommend others see)?

Don’t touch me, my family is from SoCal, films are like what they live and breath, even my Dad. I grew up watching films, so I’m not going to say just one, because I’m trash okay. So let’s talk, the must see films that have been produced, directed and written in America would be; Giant (1956), Dead Poets Society (1989), Rebel Without A Cause (1955), American Graffiti (1973), The Birds (1963), The Godfather (1972), Sunset Blvd. (1950) Juno (2007), Little Miss Sunshine (2006), Fargo (1996), Dances With Wolves (1990), Funny Face (1957), Citizen Kane (1941), Her (2013), All About Eve (1950), Meet Me In St. Louis (1944), Working Girl (1988), Across the Universe (2007), Sound of Music (1965), Sophie’s Choice (1982), Inglorious Bastards (2009), Birdman (2014), Pulp Fiction (1994), Life of Pi (2012), Auntie Mame (1958), Grand Budaest Hotel (2014), Spotlight (2016) Do The Right Thing (1989), Jaws (1975). This is from a really long list of films that I happen to love and just adore, like I could keep going for the next few days on the subject, but these films I would say are a great explanation for the ‘American’ film style. Plus I’m excluding all the animated films, cause this would gt really long, really fast, and it’s already pretty hefty.

Pick a song from your country (or in your language) and talk about why you like it.

Bitch, here is a list of artists, cause a single song is too much to ask, that I think are important to this country; Frank Sinatra, Stevie Wonder, Nirvana, Janis Joplin, Green Day, Pearl Jam, Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, Rodgers & Hammerstein, Elvis Presley, Joan Jett/The Runaways, The Ramones, Talking Heads, Diana Ross/The Supremes, Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac, Carlos Santana, Tupac Shakur, Micheal Jackson, Jimi Hendrix, Arthea Franklin, Selena, Lou Reed/The Velvet Underground, The Beach Boys, Little Richard. I can literally keep going, but I’m not total trash.

Pick a classic song from your country - aka one that everyone knows, one that’s representative of your country, etc.

There are a number of songs that everyone knows, they might not be fucking genius songs, but we all know them, or at least out here in Cali we do; California Love (Tupac), Yay Area (E-40), Thriller/Billie Jean/Smooth Criminal/ABC (Micheal Jackson), Sound of Music (Julie Andrews), Smells Like Teen Spirit ( Nirvana), Wonderwall (Oasis), Barracuda (Heart), American Idiot/Blvd. Of Broken Dreams/Most of the Dookie ALBUM (Green Day), Welcome To The Black Parade (MCR). Again I can keep going and it will get ridiculous. Also the fucking Macarena.

What’s a book from your country (or in your language) that you’d recommend?

Dharma Bums (Kerouac), Coming of Age in Mississippi (Anne Moody), The Awakening (Kate Chopin), Love, Castro Street (Katherine V. Forrest), The Autobiography of Malcolm X, Anything Steinbeck tbh, Slaughterhouse 5 (Vonnegut), J A C K L O N D O N.

What’s your favourite childhood story from your country or culture?

Bro, alright, some of my favorite childhood stories are mostly Disney Films, Pied Piper, and I would even say that Harry Potter to me is considered a childhood story though it’s British & not American.

Talk about a tradition from your country or culture that you love celebrating.

Halloween/Dio De Los Muertos is a big tradition, both culturally for my ethnicity and for generally living in America. I love the event, both sides, the religious & and commercialized stuff.

Fave food from your country/culture:

American Food: BBQ & Mac ‘n’ Cheese & Root Beer w/ Flan as a dessert, and don’t talk to me about Chile Verde. Like fucking Y U M.

Best season of the year in your country?

Summer in California is where your life should be at.

What’s one thing that you wish you could change about your country? Why?

Trump. Also the Alt. Right, because they’re Neo-Nazi Trash and IDGAF about their current ‘moniker’ because they are traitors to everything our Military fought against in WWII and the lives lost. Also the amount of sports channels we have, it’s a bit unnecessary.

What’s one thing that you’re proud of about your country?

Freedom of Press, Freedom of Religion/Freedom FROM Religion, our goddamn Military is the world’s fucking finest, I love capitalism, I love our history of revolution, evolution, revolt & rebellion. Our love our tradition of thought, of the melting pot of cultures, I love every single equalizing movement in this country and every person’s voice even if they’re dumbasses who should be quiet, I love that they can speak.

Name a country you’d like to visit.

Italy.

Top three cities you’d like to visit:

New York, New Orleans, Chicago.

What’s the best place in your country that you’ve ever visited?

I grew up in the Bay Area, where places like Berkeley and San Francisco are places people dream of going to, and where I go to on a whim to pick up records, or grab lunch, or go see a film. I go to school in Napa, and bitch about traffic as I pass world renowned vineyards. I go to LA alot because of my family, so driving there, walking down Hollywood & Sunset, being there is a bit of a trip but also normal. The best place I’ve visited, in this country this far, is Hearst Castle-- a monument to American extravagance, capitalism, architecture, natural beauty, California life, the Press, and equal rights. Built by William Randolph Hearst, the rival of Pulitzer, a newsman, a media conglomerate. It rests in the Heart of California, off HWY 1, North of San Luis Obisbo. It’s entire architecture, the building, the site, all of it was created by a woman named Julia Morgan, a pioneer at the time for being a female architecture, having attended in University of California Berkeley, and became an architect far before when women got the right to vote in 1920. Hearst Castle is the melting pot, and symbol of Californian dominance and a sign of things to come of how media would shape California. It’s one of my favorite places in California and I encourage everyone to visit.

Have you ever been abroad (out of your country)? If so, where did you go?

Nope. I lied, I went to Mexico for two weeks when I was like 8, totally forgot.

What are some myths or stereotypes about your country or culture that are either true or are false?

The ‘hardworking Latino/a’ is pretty true, I’ve yet to meet someone from my culture & ethnicity who doesn’t work so fucking hard.

There are way too many American stereotypes, most of which are moderately true, though not explosively wrong either. Mixing pot guys.

#OL: OOC: WEEK #OOC Challenge #OOC Week #About Teddy

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brajeshupadhyay · 4 years ago

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PGA Championship: Collin Morikawa wins year’s first major

It came down to Collin Morikawa bursting from that populous pack in TPC Harding Park’s debut major and elevating a career only 14 months long that already registered as deeply impressive. What looked all day like a probable playoff featuring so many people they would clog up the tee wound up somehow as an homage to one.

Of course, it’s one who shot a holy-mercy 64 on the stunning par-70 course, with an eagle, four birdies and zero bogeys following upon his 65 of Saturday for a two-shot win at 13 under par. It’s one with a classical-music game who joined Jack Nicklaus, Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy as 23-year-old winners of the PGA Championship, and it’s one who saw his number of major titles in 29 lifetime tour events match his number of missed cuts (along with three wins and two more runners-up).

And it’s one who eluded a tie at 10 under par he shared with — inhale, please — 21-year-old Matthew Wolff, major winner Jason Day, chronic contender Tony Finau, major frequenter Paul Casey, major winner Dustin Johnson and 24-year-old Scottie Scheffler.

“It’s been a life goal, obviously,” he said of the major, not very far into quite a life.

He left them all behind with a chip-in that didn’t seem to need a lot of luck on No. 14, a wow, and a 293-yard drive to the green on the par-4 No. 16 to arrange a seven-foot eagle, a larger wow. For the former, Morikawa overcame a clunky approach where he left himself off the green to the left, 54 yards away, then recovered directly to the cup.

For the latter, none of the experts and onlookers who saw it will forget. “It just fit my eye,” Morikawa said, and onto the green it bounded and stopped obediently. From the No. 17 tee up ahead, Casey marveled and later said from a second place he shared with Johnson: “What a shot. I mean, there’s nothing you can do except tip your cap to that.”

Somehow, the day had produced that singular story, when it seemed prone to produce a batch of others. Just past mid-round, the board bustled with four guys at 10 under par, four at 9 under par and four at 8 under par. Of those 12 players, eight operated from ages between 21 and 26. “Yeah, there was a lot of a kind of whiplash,” Day said. “Everything was coming and going.”

It traded heavily in the fulfillment of the promise of the young, youngest of all Wolff, the Southern Californian who went to Oklahoma State and said: “I think it’s just amateur golf now. It’s so good. In college I was competing against [Morikawa] and Viktor [Hovland] and Scottie [Scheffler], Cameron Champ.”

And it left everyone impressed, including the summer star who had his best major finish, Bryson DeChambeau, who ended up third. “Well, first off, he’s an incredible ball-striker, great human being, too,” DeChambeau said of Morikawa, later adding, “But he’s clearly an unbelievable ball-striker, and that’s something that I envy and hopefully I can get there one day.”

Chuck Culpepper reported this story from San Francisco. The live updates below were reported by Cindy Boren and Des Bieler from Washington.

August 9, 2020 at 8:51 PM EDT

Collin Morikawa is your winner

Collin Morikawa’s approach at the 18th hole may have taken a riskier trajectory than he would have liked, but when it’s your day, well, those kinds of things just tend to work out. His shot flew over bunkers in front but not the back of the green, leaving him an easy two-putt for par and the PGA Championship on Sunday.

Just 23, Morikawa outlasted a packed group of contenders atop the leader board for much of the day. He shot a 4-under 66 for a total of 13 under, good for a win by two shots over England’s Paul Casey.

Morikawa may be in his first full season on the PGA Tour, but he had a bit of a local advantage, having played in college at California-Berkeley. He had also shown the kind of steadiness that can eventually be rewarded in a big way, as he made the cut in the first 22 tournaments of his career, the second longest streak in at least the past 30 years (Tiger Woods, 25).

At one point on the back nine Sunday, seven players shared the lead at 10 under. Morikawa then broke out of the pack with a birdie at 14 to go to 11 under, and after Casey tied him at that mark, Morikawa blistered the 16th for an eagle that all but iced the event.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 8:28 PM EDT

Collin Morikawa takes two-shot lead with eagle

Collin Morikawa saw Paul Casey’s birdie at 16 and raised him one. Morikawa’s eagle at 16 a few minutes later gave the 23-year-old a two-shot lead as time began running out for other contenders.

Morikawa hit a superb drive on the 16th that rolled up onto the green and stopped seven feet from the hole. He calmly drained the putt for a lead that could well hold up after a wild day on the leader board. Casey remained alone in second at 11 under.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 8:17 PM EDT

Playoff would be 16 through 18 in one group

PGA official Brad Gregory said on CBS’s telecast that if there’s a playoff, it would be on holes 16 through 18 — and it would involve one group.

That group could be very large, if we get a couple more birdies down the stretch. As it is, Paul Casey birdied the 16th hole to tie Collin Morikawa for the lead at 11 under. Four players are tied at 10 under.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 8:09 PM EDT

Collin Morikawa takes outright lead

We have our first player at 11 under, and now Collin Morikawa has the outright lead.

The 23-year-old, who played collegiate golf at nearby California-Berkeley, birdied the 14th hole, pushing him just ahead of a large group that had been tied at 10 under. Still one shot back were clubhouse leader Matthew Wolff, Jason Day, Paul Casey, Tony Finau and Dustin Johnson. Scottie Scheffler had been tied for the lead, as well, but he fell one shot back, with Bryson DeChambeau.

Morikawa is in his first full season on the PGA Tour. He won the Workday Charity Open in July, and finished second at the Charles Schwab Challenge in June.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 7:46 PM EDT

Matthew Wolff in the clubhouse with a share of the lead

The new clubhouse leader also happens to have a share of the outright lead. And “share” is truly the word there.

Matthew Wolff finished his round Sunday at 10 under for the PGA Championship, after shooting a 5-under 65. At that point, a whopping five other players were still on the course at 10 under, and they were soon joined by another for a total of seven sharing the lead.

In addition to Wolff, Jason Day, Paul Casey, Tony Finau, Collin Morikawa, Dustin Johnson and Scottie Scheffler were at 10 under. Bryson DeChambeau lurked just behind at 9 under, and three other players were at 8 under, setting up a potentially wild finish, not to mention a possible playoff.

“Not sure it’s going to hold up, but I did what I could,” Wolff said after his round.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 7:12 PM EDT

Dustin Johnson still atop the leader board after nine holes

The lead is not his alone anymore, but Dustin Johnson is still atop the field after his first nine holes of the final round. The 2016 U.S. Open winner, a runner-up in the PGA Championship last year, went out in 1 under to improve to 10 under for the tournament.

Johnson was tied with Paul Casey, the English veteran who was playing Sunday with two-time defending champion Brooks Koepka, and youngster Collin Morikawa. A favorite to win his third title in a row and the fifth major of his career, Koepka stumbled out of the gate Sunday, shooting 4 over through 10 holes and falling seven shots off the pace.

Four players were tied at 9 under, including 2015 PGA Championship winner Jason Day, as well as Tony Finau, Cameron Champ and Scottie Scheffler. The latter three were all looking for the first major of their respective careers.

Johnson, 36, began the day in sole possession of the lead. At No. 5 in the World Golf Rankings, he has 21 PGA Tour wins, most recently at the Travelers Championship in June.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 6:51 PM EDT

Stephen Curry spotted in attendance

Most of us are not allowed to attend the PGA Championship, or most other sports events these days, but then again, most of us aren’t Stephen Curry. The Golden State Warriors star has all the more clout in San Francisco, where the tournament is being staged.

Curry was spotted near the green on the seventh hole, wearing a mask but reminding us that even relatively small NBA players tend to be bigger than average folks. An avid golf fan, Curry is the co-producer of an ABC game show based around the sport and, among other ventures, is sponsoring men’s and women’s golf teams at Howard University.

Curry, who was joined Sunday by Warriors teammate Damion Lee, won’t be spotted at the “bubble” near Orlando, where the NBA is playing out the rest of its 2019-20 season. The league left out the eight teams with the worst records, and the Warriors, crushed by major injuries to Curry and Klay Thompson and the departure of Kevin Durant, posted the poorest mark of them all.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 6:32 PM EDT

Brooks Koepka not exactly walking the walk so far

When you have won four recent majors, including the past two PGA Championships, you can talk a little bit. Not every golfer would, of course, but Brooks Koepka has — to his credit, at least from the perspective of this sportswriter who appreciates it whenever a top athlete throws out a dig or two at rivals.

That was Koepka earlier this week, as he needled Bryson DeChambeau, a long-standing target, and Dustin Johnson. However, as Koepka neared the turn Sunday, he was sporting the worst score of anyone who teed off in the final pairings.

Koepka was 3 over on his round through eight holes. That left him at 4 under for the tournament and a whopping six shots behind the leaders, Johnson and Cameron Champ. At 9 under, just one shot off the pace and enjoying a very good front nine, was DeChambeau.

When the final round began, Koepka was just two shots back and was a popular pick to win the PGA Championship. But things have quickly started looking bleak, and it appears he will need a scorching back nine, plus a number of collapses from other contenders, to again lift the Wanamaker Trophy.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 6:07 PM EDT

Matthew Wolff makes a charge

As if the leader board were not stuffed at the top already, Matthew Wolff went on quite a run to join a large group just a shot behind the leaders, Dustin Johnson and Bryson DeChambeau.

Wolff, who was 1 over for his round through six holes, birdied 7, 8 and 9, then made an eagle on the par-5 10th. Just like that, he was at 9 under, as were Paul Casey, Cameron Champ, Collin Morikawa and Scottie Scheffler.

Just 21, Wolff is in his first full year on the PGA Tour, after quickly getting a win under his belt at the 2019 3M Open. His best result this year came at July’s Rocket Mortgage Classic, where he finished second.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 5:48 PM EDT

What happens if there’s a tie after 72 holes?

With Dustin Johnson bogeying the third hole as others moved up the leader board, suddenly there was a six-way tie for the lead in the early going, also featuring Paul Casey, Bryson DeChambeau, Cameron Champ, Collin Morikawa and Scottie Scheffler.

That gaggle, plus five players within two shots of the lead and five more within three, raised the question: What happens if there’s a tie after 72 holes?

The PGA Championship would then be decided by a three-hole playoff, with an aggregate score determining the winner. Should there still be a tie at that point, the tournament would go to sudden-death holes to winnow the field down to one.

Extra holes have not been needed to decide the PGA Championship since Keegan Bradley outlasted Jason Dufner in 2011. Bradley was a PGA Tour rookie playing in his first major then, which could bode well for Scheffler, a rookie this year.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 5:10 PM EDT

Bryson DeChambeau, Tony Finau off to hot starts

If fans were allowed at the PGA Championship, one of the largest groups would likely be following the intriguing pair Sunday of Bryson DeChambeau and Tony Finau. Not just because they each started the day three shots off the lead, but also because of the prodigious feats of which they are capable with golf clubs.

The 6-foot-4 Finau and DeChambeau, who has been the talk of the PGA Tour after bulking up to lengthen his shots, put their advantages to good use in the early going. Each scored a birdie on the first two holes before parring the third, and they moved to 8 under, just one behind tournament leader Dustin Johnson as he began his final round.

Both DeChambeau and Finau are looking for their first win at a major. While Finau has come close, finishing third at last year’s British Open and fifth at last year’s Masters and the 2018 U.S. Open, DeChambeau’s best finish at a major was a tie for 15th at the 2016 U.S. Open.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 4:41 PM EDT

Justin Thomas has relatable reaction to missed putt

If you never utter a profanity after a frustrating moment on the links, well, you’re a better man (or woman) than me. Better than Justin Thomas, too.

After a putt he thought was destined for the bottom of the cup at the fifth hole Sunday barely missed to the right, Thomas could be clearly heard dropping an f-bomb on ESPN’s telecast.

“Dude, you’ve got to be [expletive] kidding me,” he muttered as his ball stopped about two inches past the hole.

That left ESPN announcer Scott Van Pelt offering an initial reaction of, “Well …” After a pause, Van Pelt added that “folks can relate” to the non-FCC-approved commentary by Thomas.

It’s hardly the first time a PGA golfer’s swear words have made their way to the ears of a national audience — right, Tiger Woods? — and the lack of galleries at tournaments these days only makes players’ comments more audible. In fact, one of the earliest moments of the first tournament after the PGA Tour returned from its four-month, coronavirus-related hiatus featured Jon Rahm dropping an f-bomb at the Charles Schwab Challenge.

“Well, we were hoping for better audio with no fans surrounding the course,” CBS’s Jim Nantz said at the time with a chuckle. “Apologize if anyone was offended by what they may have heard there.”

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 4:05 PM EDT

Spieth thinks we could have a high-scoring finish

If Jordan Spieth is correct, we could have some fireworks down the stretch. The three-time major winner — who will have to wait another year to complete a career Grand Slam with a triumph at the PGA Championship — said he thought the pin placements of the deciding holes at San Francisco’s TPC Harding Park were player-friendly.

“The back nine, other than No. 11, you have the most gettable pins on every single one of the greens,” Spieth said after shooting a 67 Sunday that included three birdies and a bogey coming in. He finished the tournament at 4 over, well behind Dustin Johnson’s leading score of 9 under after 54 holes.

Spieth was moved to make his comments after watching his good friend and playing partner Sunday, Ryan Palmer, play the final nine holes at a 4-under 31. That included an eagle at 16 and birdies at 17 and 18. If some of the leaders can author similarly hot finishes, we will be treated to plenty of late-evening excitement here on the East Coast.

By Des Bieler

August 9, 2020 at 3:41 PM EDT

Woods fires a 67 to finish at 1 under for the tournament

It was too little, too late to bring him into contention at the PGA Championship, but Tiger Woods can take some solace in playing fairly well in his final round. The 15-time major winner fired a 3-under 67 Sunday to get back into the red numbers at 1-under for the tournament.

That left Woods eight shots off Dustin Johnson’s lead well before the final groups teed off, but it was a major improvement over the previous two days, when consecutive rounds of 72 had Woods at 2 over after 54 holes. One thing that made a major difference Sunday was improved performance on the greens, as Woods played this tournament with a different Scotty Cameron putter than the one that had helped him win so many majors.

“I felt like I putted a little bit better today,” Woods said after his round. He thought the greens were “less crusty” Sunday, which helped them play a little slower.

As for his 44-year-old, surgically repaired body, Woods said it “held up pretty good this week, all things considered.” Although he was pleased with the way he “stayed pretty loose” this week at TPC Harding Park in San Francisco, Woods said with a smile that “it’ll be nice when it is warmer,” as the PGA Tour heads back to the East Coast. Amid relatively chilly, damp weather this week, Woods said he “kept my layers up, made sure I was always sweating.”

As for when he will play next, Woods was noncommittal, but he said he was taking a week off. So even though it figures to be nicely balmy in Greensboro, N.C., next week, we won’t see him at the Wyndham Championship.

By Des Bieler

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paradoxicalca · 5 years ago

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[OC] What if there were 100 hockey teams?

reposted with permission after a confusing series of deletionsIf that title reminds you of anything, that’s because I did the same thing for the NBA last summer when I was still young and virile. Now, as I've graduated high school and entered the twilight of my life, I find myself drawn to the concept again, like a retired sailor to the entrancing and unforgiving sea -- but this time not just for any sport I happen to watch, but for my all-time favorite sport, ultimate frisbee. Wait, no, hockey.“Now Jake,” you might be wondering, nonplussed that you somehow know my first name, “Why? Why any of this? Don’t you have anything better to do? Aren’t there a wide variety of issues arising out of an NHL suddenly in triplicate?”To answer the former, no.The latter, though, requires a bit of a longer explanation, and I actually have a variety of reasons I think you’ll find more than convincing.100 NHL teams means more hockey to watch, I think we can all agree that would be cool and goodHockey fans are incredibly insecure about their sport, and adding 100 teams would really make headway towards dunking on people who never really had that strong of an opinion on hockey and just want to have a quiet and friendly dinner for once in their godforsaken lives, would you please quiet down for half an hour?100 NHL teams means 69 new teamsI didn’t want to repeat points from the NBA post but, again, this is the only realistic way San Diego could get an NHL teamThe talent pool would be so diluted that a ton of people who really want to play in the NHL could do it, and I want as many people to be happy as possible in this and everything elseMy buddy Thomas would be so hyped dude let me tell youHockey isn't exactly an unpopular sport, most of these teams would only be hemorrhaging a large amount of money instead of a gigantic amount of moneyNow that my facts and logic have thoroughly persuaded you, we have to consider an issue that comes up with this post and not with the NBA one: the NHL is much more north-heavy in its fans than basketball, with hockey fans disproportionately Canadian or from the northern states. How could anyone accommodate for this? What kind of brilliant mind could concoct a solution? I hear you cry. Well I couldn’t find a brilliant mind, actually, so you’ll have to accept my solution.I decided the only fair way to figure this out was to index the number of Twitter followers each team had, since that’s increasingly a good way of measuring fanbase numbers, and divide the number of followers of Canadian teams by American teams. This panned out to 6,941,000 Canadian fans and 21,698,000 American fans, which means roughly 32% of new teams, or 22 out of 69, are gonna be Canadian, which seems fair to me.(Side note: I realized about halfway through this process that northern places like Boston and Detroit are lumped in with places like Carolina and Florida with this plan, not accurately representing the split between the Sun Belt and the Snow Belt, but I had to click through 31 Twitter accounts and my internet’s really slow, I truly could not be bothered to redo it.)(Second side note: when I googled “NHL teams fanbase sizes,” every site I found gave me Facebook fan numbers, but for some reason Canadian teams have much better representation on Twitter than on Facebook, so I decided to go with that because I felt bad for them.)Anyway! Let’s get to team making.We start with putting teams back in cities that lost one, which means one team for each of the cities on this Wikipedia list. Well, actually not every city, only the ones that are missing a team. Actually not all of those too, since while the Americans played in cities that no longer have teams (specifically Brooklyn), both are within a reasonable distance of a modern team. God, this is kind of a pain. Whatever, that’s 38 teams, let’s move on.Next we’ll be dispersing 22 teams across Canada. But where? I’ll start with one team for every province and territory, which means, yes, an NHL team will finally be gracing AWG Arena in Iqaluit. We’ve all been waiting for it. This will create 7 teams, each more inevitably successful than the last.Okay, 15 more, that can’t be tough, right? Just take the most populous metropolitan areas, slap a team on their biggest arena, call it a day. Easy as beating Tampa in the first round. So there’s 60 teams.3.5. ...Actually that just added about 14 more to southern Ontario. New rule, disperse them amongst the biggest metropolitan areas with a cap at 4 more for southern Ontario. As easy as beating Pittsburgh in the first round. There’s 60 teams.We can finally get down to the US. We’ve got 40 teams left, which leaves us a lot of wiggle room, but let’s start out by doing the same thing we did with Canada, but one team for every northern state. There isn’t really a set definition of the northern US, so I thought I’d go by snowfall, which was kind of hard to find (to my Californian shock, the amount of snowfall a region gets varies year by year) -- eventually I went with this very cozy map of the chance a county will have a white Christmas, and based on that found a vague definition of northern states. That’s 79 teams.That added up fast. There’s only 21 left! That’s only two-thirds of the current NHL! We’ll start working through them by first by adding extra teams to cities that can support them but don’t have them already, which will only be three more in Chicago, Boston, and Philadelphia. There’s 82 teams.5.5. I theoretically could have added one to the Detroit metropolitan area, as well, but I'm gonna say I didn't because the place seems too monolithically Red Wings-supporting and not because I straight up forgot to.Alright, 18 left. I don’t really have any arbitrary things to fill now, so I’ll just disperse them among the bigger cities and the ones that have been named as good possible expansion cities for the NHL. In case the rest of this post didn’t seem arbitrary enough, this is where it really goes off the rails.In 1969, Clarence Campbell, president of the NHL, said that "it is conceivable that the Stanley Cup will be played for in Moscow in the not too distant future.” And you know what? I’m gonna listen to him, because the drama of a Moscow NHL team would be awe-inspiring. Let’s put some more in Europe, too. God abandoned all of my projects years ago, we can commit whatever sins we want.And that’s 100 professional hockey teams in 1 professional hockey league! To keep with the current NHL team structure as closely as possible, the teams have been divided into two conferences of 50 (renamed the Southwestern and Northeastern because I'm ontologically opposed to calling the likes of North Carolina "western"), each composed of 5 divisions of 10. The team names are all 100% serious attempts with reasoning behind all of them. The division names are the exact opposite, with absolute minimal effort put in.Southwestern ConferenceSnowed Out For Half The Season DivisionAlaska Timber WolvesYukon MalamutesYellowknife WhalehornsNunavut Aivit /// Nunavut WalrusesKalaallit Nunaat Nanot /// Greenland Polar BearsWood Buffalo CranesEdmonton OilersCalgary FlamesSaskatoon StallionsRegina Buffalo BonesShould’ve Pulled Their Weight in the Civil War (And Also British Columbia) DivisionVancouver CanucksVictoria SpiritsAbbotsford CascadesSeattle EmeraldsPortland RainbudsIdaho PinesMissoula CutthroatsBillings MagicWyoming BroncsColorado AvalancheAbsolute Nexus of Ice Hockey Culture DivisionSacramento GrizzliesOakland OaksSan Jose SharksLos Angeles KingsAnaheim DucksSan Diego AcesVegas Golden KnightsArizona CoyotesUtah GullsNew Mexico BombersThought “IceGators” Was An Acceptable Name For A Professional Hockey Team DivisionOklahoma City BlazersDallas StarsHouston AerosSan Antonio BatsNew Orleans BrassTampa Bay LightningFlorida PanthersAtlanta ThrashersCarolina HurricanesNashville PredatorsBack To The Cornfields DivisionSt. Louis BluesKansas City ScoutsIowa GoldfinchesOmaha TornadoesSouth Dakota ChoppersMinnesota WildNorth Dakota MooseDuluth RaptorsMarquette MartensWinnipeg JetsNortheastern ConferenceDivision Of The Unsalted Seas, Which I Learned Was A Name For The Great Lakes While Finding Duluth’s Team And Is So Much Cooler Than The Great Lakes DivisionMilwaukee BadgersChicago BlackhawksChicago SoulIndiana BeastsCincinnati StingersColumbus Blue JacketsPittsburgh PenguinsWest Virginia RattlesnakesDetroit Red WingsGrand Rapids MastodonsOverpopulated (For Some Reason) DivisionHampton Roads RhinosWashington CapitalsBaltimore SkipjacksPhiladelphia FlyersPhiladelphia HellbendersNew Jersey DevilsNew York RangersNew York IslandersHartford WhalersSyracuse OlympiansGood Ol’ Ontario Boys DivisionLondon MarquisHamilton TigersKitchener EaglesMississauga BullsToronto Maple LeafsKingston BattalionBuffalo SabresRochester ScorpionsOttawa SenatorsSudbury FalconsPrincipally Anti-British DivisionProvidence RedsBoston BruinsBoston LibertyNew Hampshire ChinooksVermont MilitiaMaine CatsHarfangs de Sherbrooke /// Sherbrooke OwlsCanadiens de Montréal /// Montreal CanadiensWanderers de Montréal /// Montreal WanderersNordiques de Québec /// Quebec NordiquesQuintilingual DivisionSéismes de Saguenay /// Saguenay EarthquakesMoncton Phoenix/Phœnix de MonctonHalifax OspreysNewfoundland LandseersCharlottetown Blue JaysLondon LionsCoqs de Paris /// Paris RoostersStockholm Väringalidet /// Stockholm VarangiansМосковские медведи /// Moscow BearsПетербургские тюлени /// St. Petersburg Grey Seals(The three slashes indicate a translated, but unofficial version of the name -- the Moncton Phoenix’s name looks different because it’s officially in both English and French)Here's a map of all the teams, by the way. It was mostly a reference for making divisions, so there's no names or anything, but it might be interesting to look at.So we've got 100 NHL teams at our disposal now, but we don't have players for most of them. The NHL's guidelines state that a team can have no less than 20 and no more than 23 players, which means we need somewhere between 1,380 and 1,587 players to fill out all these rosters. As far as I'm aware, hockey players are a reasonably important part of hockey teams, so finding some more would probably be wise.Thankfully it won't be hard. the NHL is far and away the most prestigious level of ice hockey anywhere in the world, averaging almost triple the attendance of the next highest league, and the global nature of ice hockey means that there are people from all over the world who would love to play for the NHL. We won't be hurting for players here. The leagues we'll poach them from might. But we won't.However, if we just have an expansion draft for the new teams, they'll be left with CHL/AHL/KHL/NL/SHL/&c.-tier caliber to match the first 31 teams' NHL caliber -- it'll be patently unfair. To ensure the parity hockey fans love to boast about, we'll give each team three players to protect, and throw the rest into the draft. Three is enough to maintain an old core, I feel, but not too much to keep your entire talent base; teams like San Jose and Boston would still be good, but not excessively so.Also the draft will be held in a randomly-selected new city, regardless of its facilities (or lack thereof), each team will be given 30 seconds to make its pick, and Eric Andre will be the host. That feels right.The season probably won't look too different, we don't need to reinvent the wheel here, we just need to restructure things a bit. I'm thinking we expand the season to 113 games, starting the season a full month early -- 9 series of 3 against intradivision teams, 30 of 2 against intraconference teams, and 26 games for interconference teams to be divvied up as the teams see fit. I foresee absolutely no possible negative consequences that could come from this.Following this, there's the playoffs, which I've decided to make a little bit complex. Each conference will see 24 teams make the playoffs, with the rounds going through a standard seeded format until there are 6 teams in total left. At that point, they'll be combined and re-seeded, and the #1 and #2 seeds enjoy a bye as #3 plays #6 and #4 plays #5. The winner of those two series plays the #1 and #2 seeds, respectively, and the winner of those series goes on to the Stanley Cup.That's 6 rounds, if you were curious. I could've just gone with a 64-team playoff, but that's kind of boring and also longer -- this is more streamlined. It also sucks, but I'm kind of working with a 100-team league here, if you hadn't noticed. If you've got a better idea, I'm all ears.What are the ramifications of this, you might wonder? I don't really know, honestly, and I'd hate to find out. They'd probably be worse than any of us would think in entirely unexpected ways, something like the exorbitant amount spent on the Paris team being the final nail in the coffin for the worst recession in recent French history or something.The only way this could really work would be if it were a kind of tiered system, like in European leagues. Have a couple levels of professional hockey, have the winners of each league advance to the next-highest and the losers be demoted to the next-lowest. Smaller markets could have their own teams without worrying about competing with juggernauts, and we might even see some Cinderella stories -- an unreal Cup run by Sherbrooke from the 3rd level to the 1st, or an owner of an NHL team tanking it so hard it falls to the dregs. That would be really cool and be a whole lot of fun for a whole lot more fans, which is why the league will never do it.That’s about all I’ve got, to be honest. I know I used this joke on the NBA post, but it's true here too -- it's 2 A.M. as I write this and I have to wake up in like 4 hours, I've rapidly run out of the energy to care. Thanks for reading, sorry for wasting your time, make sure to give your grandma a call when you’ve got the chance [OC] What if there were 100 hockey teams? Source

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