#source: incorrect-hp

[daddiesdrarryy]

James: Hey guys, Reg and I were thinking of having a big paintball game together

Peter: Prongs, why does Reggie want to shoot you?

James: He doesn’t want to shoot me

Sirius: Who doesn’t want to shoot you?

James: Reggie!

Sirius: No, that doesn’t sound right

James: He just wants to play Muggle paintball! It combines my love of whimsy with his love of making other grown men cry

Sirius: Sounds fun. Moony and I are in

Peter: You don’t need to ask him?

Sirius: No, I’ve been pretty annoying lately. He’s gonna want to shoot me

[incorrecttwsted]

[theheartofthestar]

Sirius, leaning on the counter: Hey beautiful, come here often?

Remus: Is this the part where I remind you we've been married for four years or do I play along?

Sirius: Play along!

Remus: Alright. Sorry, I'm not interested, I'm married

[number1abbasupporter]

Sirius: come on reggie im just trying to help you find a girlfriend

Regulus: i don’t need your help

Sirius: come on reggie!!

Regulus: i’m gay sirius!

Sirius:

Sirius: okay well we can just get you a boyfriend

Regulus: i’m not interested

Sirius: i know a few boys who would interest you

Regulus: bloody hell!

Regulus: *leans over to kiss james*

Regulus: i’m perfectly fine

Sirius:

James:

Sirius: are you fucking kidding me?!

[hxuse-xf-black]

[Deathly Hallows] Hermione: Harry- Harry, sighing despondently: Ginny used to call me Harry. Ron: Because it's your fucking name.

[hpseeker99]

Neville: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water? Ron: Y-You were putting it in cold water? Ginny: Neville. Answer the question Neville. Neville: Yeah? I thought for like 5 years that people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process, didn’t realize there was an actual reason. You think I have the patience to boil water? Ginny: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes? Ron: Why are you, putting it in the microwave to boil it?! Ginny: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove? Ron: It 👏🏻 TAKES👏🏻 LESS THAN A 👏🏻 MINUTE Ginny: Bestie is your stovetop powered by the fucking sun?? Ron: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove? Ginny: Like seven minutes Ron: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like two minutes… less than that is you use a saucepan… Ginny: [crying] You’re putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? Your stove is enchanted Hermione: Every single person here is a fucking lunatic. Harry: Do none of you own a fucking kettle?

[fourquartertoast]

Sirius: Your man doesn't have the mental strength to caramelise onions. Regulus: Oh yeah? Well, your man... thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelise onions! Sirius: :O Remus: *walking into the room* Who's fucking caramelising onions? James: *also walking into the room* Yeah, have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist? Remus: ... Sirius: ... Peter: Do you think caramelising onions is putting caramel on an onion? Sirius: *to Regulus* Your man thinks caramelising onions is putting caramel on an onion. Regulus: *disappointed* Remus: WHO THE FUCK EATS ONIONS Peter: I eat unions. James and Sirius, simultaneously: Real.

based on this reblog thread

[moonyswarmsweaters]

James: Remus is late, again.

Regulus: How's that possible? I called him at 8 o'clock this morning pretending it was 11.

Sirius: I printed a fake schedule saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon like we usually do.

Peter: I set his alarm clock to say PM instead of AM.

Lily: I think you guys may have overdone it.

Remus: *bursts through the door* WHAT YEAR IS IT?!

[incorrect-malfoys]

Lucius: So, will you go on a date with me?

Narcissa: Give me some time to think about it

[Ten minutes later]

Narcissa: I’ve thought hard, and I have decided that yes I will marry you

[sayssnape]

mcgonagall: harry is missing, can you find him?

snape: what, do you think i have him microchipped or something?

mcgonagall: well, do you?

snape:

snape: yeah, hang on.

[pooks]

Charlie: How about some friendly brotherly advice? Percy: I don't need your advice. Charlie: *inhales and tries to not explode* How about some unfriendly brotherly advice?! Percy: *unimpressed* Try me.

[daddiesdrarryy]

Remus: Prongs, are you coming with us?

James: Oh, geez, I don’t know if I can ditch Reggie two nights in a row. I don’t want to upset him

Sirius: Oh come on, man! Bros before…my brother

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

James: Padfoot made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.

Remus: ...Is it possible he actually said, "bros before hoes"?

James: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hoes.

[fluxweedstem]

Snape: I think you should play the role of my father.

Albus: I don’t want to be your father.

Snape: That’s perfect. You already know your lines.

[number1abbasupporter]

Lily: having trouble figuring out who knows Sirius the best huh?

James: it’s me!

Remus: it’s me!

Peter: it’s me!

Regulus:

Regulus: it’s probably not me

[hxuse-xf-black]

16-year-old Tom Riddle: Do you know anything about horcruxes? Specifically, how to create them? Slughorn: Horcruxes? What is this for? Tom Riddle: Fun.