#source: george lopez

[terry-perry]

Alastor: Husker screwed up my relationship with Y/N.

Vaggie: Husk, what did you do?

Husk: I told her she has to accept Alastor the way he is.

Vaggie: What a horrible thing to say!

[incorrect-losers]

Bev: Let’s clear the air. Are there any more lies we should know about?

Mike: Yes

Bev: Well?

Mike: Well, there’s a bunch of things. But I’m gonna space them out so I won’t look like such a bad person

[ethan-torchios-bitch]

roman: hey, did you see where dad hid my birthday present?

remy: no, but you’ll never find my gift because i haven’t made it yet

roman: you’re gonna make me something, son? that’s so sweet… if you were three. now that’s just cheap, so hit the mall, little man, and don’t come back here with a picture of you on a t-shirt. i know what you look like.

remy: *rolls his eyes and walks away*

roman: *climbs on a chair to look through the cabinets above the fridge and pulls out a neatly wrapped box*

roman: *opens box and pulls out a ceramic donkey*

roman, reading the note aloud: “don’t be a jackass, wait for your birthday”

virgil, walking into the kitchen: morning, honey. nice ass

roman: if you like it now, wait until i unwrap i unwrap it

[waterfire1848]

Police officer: Are you Hakoda South?

Hakoda: No I am Larry Smith from Salt Lake City. I sell timber.

Police officer, pointing to Katara and Sokka: Are these your children?

Hakoda: No, my wife Kya is barren.

[19dayz]

He Cheng: *At He Tian’s school to watch his play* Hey I have a question.

Teacher: Yes?

He Cheng: That sign outside, “No smoking”, was that just for the kids or for everybody?

Teacher: That’s for everyone

He Cheng: How long is the play?

Teacher: Just under 20 minutes

He Cheng: *Gets up to leave* I’ll catch it on Broadway.

Brother Qiu: Sit down

He Cheng: Record it and tell Little Tian good job from me

Brother Qiu: You don’t pay me enough for this

[incorrect-bhaalspawn-quotes]

Tav: Let’s clear the air. Are there any more lies we should know about?

Astarion: Yes.

Tav: Well?

Astarion: Well, there’s a bunch of things. But I’m gonna space them out so I won’t look like such a bad person.

[happybeeme0514]

Larxene: Look I’m on my period so everybody just leave me alone.

Demyx: What’s a period?

Saïx: It’s a bullet we dodge.

[silvershewolf247]

Andy: Kyle screwed up my relationship with DeSilva.

Chucky: What did you do?

Kyle: I told her she has to accept Andy the way he is. 

Chucky: What a horrible thing to say!

[teenwolfpackincorrectcaptions]

Derek: I'm going to kill Eli! Stiles: I am so tired of you not including me when it comes to parenting! WE are going to kill Eli.

[angelofthenight]

Young!Robert, to Young!Stannis: At least I leave the house. All you’ve done for the last three days is read.

Young!Robert, under his breath: Stupid reader.

[the-black-bulls]

Finral: Luck, what happened?

Luck, walking into the hideout after his first mission: Hm? Oh, I got into a fight on my way.

Finral, checking him: You have blood on you! This was supposed to be a non-violent mission!

Luck: It's not mine.

Vanessa, proudly: Damn, my little brother's a scrapper!

Finral: Vanessa!

Vanessa: C'mon let me have this, he drew blood!

Finral: [glares]

Vanessa: [whistles]

Gauche, across the room: What's this noise about?

Finral: Luck got into a fight.

Gauche, checking Luck: Oh, you got blood on you.

Luck: It's the other guy's.

Gauche proudly: Finally, another scrapper in the squad.

Finral, cleaning Luck up: [glares]

Vanessa: Gauche we don't encourage violence in this house!

Vanessa and Gauche: [high five each other under the table]

Luck: [thumb up with both hands at their direction]

[saveme-storybrooke-potc]

Emma Swan: *after Killian and Alice see Philip Jr kissing some guy* He's a jock. He's probably afraid to come out, so he's using Hope as a cover. I can't begin to imagine what Philip Jr must be feeling. Alice: I don't need to imagine, I saw what he was feeling. It was 17 and muscular... Killian Jones: Mom!

[draco-malfoy-is-fruity]

I thought this was about to be the scene from New Girl when all 3 of the guys admit to master baiting to Jess lol

Bev: Let’s clear the air. Are there any more lies we should know about?

Mike: Yes

Bev: Well?

Mike: Well, there’s a bunch of things. But I’m gonna space them out so I won’t look like such a bad person

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

John: i just want jane to be okay.

Roxy: well how bout you blow out your candles and make it your birthday wish

John: *blows out the candles*

Jade: Vriska’s on the phone! Terezi’s hive is on fire!

Roxy: john

John: i used my wish on jane, i swear!

[incorrect-sabriel-quotes]

Sam, handing a cup to Gabriel: Here's your coffee, just the way you like it. Black, with a splash of cream and twenty four sugars.

Gabriel: *Takes a sip*

Gabriel: *Spits it out in disgust*

Gabriel: One of these is a splenda!!

[incorrect-bhaalspawn-quotes]

Anomen: I know I've said this a million times before, but this time I mean it, Charname. I am going to KILL MY FATHER.

Charname: I am so tired of you not including me when it comes to these things.

Charname: WE are going to kill your father.