#sort of diary entry level like

[cas-backwards-tie]

It’s weird because I realized last night that… the reason I think I feel lonely so often is that while yes, I have my fictional loves and stories, that’s… all fictional, and while it’s amazing and I adore that creative side of myself… it also isn’t tangible or real in some ways, and maybe what’s why at times I struggle.

[lexicog]

400 points and i get samorsa and. lassi

OK New pinned post I am going to track & share my cleaning progress because I want to be healthy and not explode YAY

[ Updated 10/12 - 2:40 PM ]

[psicheanima]

i got intrigued by the fact that you did a senior paper on the witches from madoka - can you please tell us some more about that? i love when academic work ties to personal interests.

I can do you one better. You can just read it. Screenshots as it’s from a website. This is the actual final. I can’t include my analysis portion in an image because there’s a ten image limit on mobile. So it’s under the cut. And please be gentle, because I wrote this when I was 18.

Icebox Cake

Icebox Cake is the alternate name for the pastry Charlotte. This is of course a reference to the witch Charlotte, who the poem is about. This story is a direct adaptation of Charlotte’s canon backstory as revealed in the Magia Record Game. Charlotte is the only witch in this collection with a concrete backstory, and the only one who we know the real name of — Nagisa Momoe.

Nivelles Charaxinae

Nivelles Charaxinae is a reference to both this witch’s namesake and her design. The witch this story is about is Gertrud, named after the saint of gardens, Gertrud of Nivelles. Charaxinae is a reference to the type of butterfly that is in Gertrud’s witch form. The names of her roses in her diary entries are names of saints. I wanted to give her roses human names to show they are the true ‘humans’ to her, but also maintain a degree of disconnect. I think like Gertrud’s namesake, saints are the least human human you can be.

In case your words are all that’s left of me…

In case your words are all that’s left of me… is the only poem with a completely made up title. Though I want the ending of what happened to HN Elly, the witch of this story, to be up to reader interpretation, her feelings of having no real presence besides her online one was something I wanted to make very clear, so that’s why I chose this title.

The usernames are all references to songs sung by Marguerite in Faust. Faust is a work with immense impact on Madoka, having numerous references both visually and story wise. Most notably, quotes from it are littered in every witch labyrinth. Keeping with the theme of this poem being the odd one out name wise, HN Elly actually has another name— Kirsten. This is after Dorothy Kirsten, who famously portrayed Marguerite, which is why I paid tribute to her role.

POESIE SCHMECKT GUT

I based most of my references off the real life women the witches are named after. It shows most in POESIE SCHMECKT GUT. The namesake of this story’s witch, Elsa Maria, is Elsa Asenijeff. POESIE SCHMECKT GUT was a publishing firm for one of Elsa’s books. The base storyline is based off of Elsa’s unhappy arranged marriage, and the religious and star theme was already there in Elsa Maria’s labyrinth.

Guernica

This poem is all about visual art from the point of view of a girl who doesn’t really understand it, so I was a perfect person to write this. All the references were surface level, sort of awkwardly shoved in ones to famous pieces and artists. The title is reference to one of Piccaso’s most famous pieces, an extremely meaningful and striking abstract about war. For this witch, who is named Izabel, who does nothing but copy others, I couldn’t think of anything better to name her story, because I knew she herself could never find value in Guernica.

It’s raining again today. How long will I continue to be unlucky for?

There’s not a lot to say about this one, but I think the witch that it’s about, Patricia, would like that. The story is pretty self explanatory, but it’s one of my favorites because of that. The title is reference to a line in her labyrinth.

2 parts Absinthe 1 part Brandy 1/2 part Gin 3 parts Vodka 1 part Crème de Mûres

This witch, Roberta, is pretty special. First off, she’s an adult witch, the only in the series. She’s said to be fond of alcohol, which I tried to portray in the lack of grammar and punctuation, like you’re listening to the incoherent thought stream of the intoxicated. The title is the ingredients to her namesake, the Aunt Roberta cocktail, which is the strongest drink in the world.

Source Title: Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Source Creators: Atsuhiro Shinbo & Gen Urobuchi & Shaft Productions

Year Published/Produced: 2011

Setting: The series mainly takes place in the fictional city of Mikakihara Japan, 2011. The rest of the series takes places in the otherworldly “Labyrinths”, dark mental landscapes based on the inner feelings of the witch they belong to.

Plot Summary: The series follows a middle school girl named Madoka Kaname, who is approached by a creature named Kyuubey to grant her any wish in exchange for becoming a “magical girl” and fighting against witches— supernatural creatures that kill humans. Eventually, it is revealed witches are fallen magical girls who fall into despair and that Kyuubey purposefully creates this magical girl to witch cycle to feed off their sadness, as his species uses said emotion like energy to fight otherworldly creatures far away, to prevent the destruction of the universe.

In the end, Madoka becomes a magical girl to wish for all magical girls to get happy endings— which erases witches from existence, including herself, as all Magical Girls eventually become witches. This creates a paradox through which no one remembers her anymore, except one person, the girl who had wished for her not to live a normal life more than anyone.

Key Character Descriptions

Charlotte— The witch of sweets, it is her nature to be tenacious. Charlotte used to be a ten year old girl named Momoe, who became a witch after falling in despair at the death of her mother.

H.N. Elly— The box witch, it is her nature to be covetous. Her labrynth and cards all imply that she was an internet addicted shut-in turned internet-famous idol, who cracked under the pressure of constant performance.

Elsa Maria— The shadow witch, it is her nature to be self-righteous. Due to her religious imagery, many theorize she was driven to despair after finding out the witches she slayed as a magical girl used to be fellow humans. However, I based my story on her on the life of her namesake, Elsa Asenijeff.

Gertrud— The rose garden witch, it is her nature to be distrustful. Nothing is known about her backstory, so I constructed my adaptation for her based on the info we do know about her, such as the fact that “she holds roses dearer than anything else” and that, “she loathes the thought of humans trampling her labyrinth”.

Patricia— The class representative witch, it is her nature to be an onlooker. It has been said she used to be a normal, serious girl who was overlooked by her classmates. In the show, her wish is for her school life routine to go on forever, which is what I based my adaptation for her on.

Izabel— The artist witch, it is her nature to be vain. In her prior life, she was an artist suffering from a creative block who yearned for others to notice her. It is said that every art piece she produced was something “that you have probably seen somewhere before”.

Roberta— The birdcage witch, it is her nature to rage. Before she became a witch, she was a party girl living a life of surface level relationships, specifically with men, but secretly, she was disgusted by all of them. Her wish was for friends who wouldn’t dislike her.

Cultural Themes

The fear of being alone is a major theme in Madoka Magica, as depicted through the struggles of various characters. Sayaka Miki's desire to win the affections of her crush, Kyousuke, despite his lack of care for her efforts, highlights her fear of being unloved. She becomes obsessed with trying to gain his love, ultimately leading to her downfall.

In a more subtle way, Mami Tomoe's yearning for companionship also highlights the theme of fear of being alone. Despite her cheerful and big sister-like front, Mami is revealed to be deeply lonely and craves companionship. She reaches out to other magical girls in an attempt to alleviate her loneliness, but her efforts are paid in dust.

And of course, the biggest example of this is Homura Akemi's refusal to let Madoka die. Homura goes to great lengths to protect Madoka, trapping herself in a time loop to prevent Madoka from becoming a victim of the magical girl system. Her actions are driven by her fear of losing Madoka and being left alone in a world without her, to the point where she would even let the universe itself be destroyed to save her love.

Through these characters, the series explores the visceral human need for connection, and the disastrous consequences that arise from the lengths we will go to to obtain it.

The central message I want to explore in my adaptation is the prior lives of monsters. Through these stories of monsters before they "became" monsters, I want to delve into the idea of how the creatures of Madoka Magica, framed as so inhumane the literal art style changes for them, used to lead extremely human, flawed lives before the show portrayed them. Using a simple, fairytale-like style of writing and multiple types of writing, like receipts, reviews, and diary entries, I want to portray the mundaneness of their lives, and just how involved in the world they were. That they were real little girls, with real lives that impacted the things around them.

Motifs

The most common motif in Madoka Magica is fairytale motifs, specifically Eastern European fairytales. Witches, little girls tempted by strange creatures, candy houses. One character, Sayaka Miki, even has her entire story based on the little mermaid. She loves a boy, he doesn’t love her, she sacrifices everything for him anyways and then turns into a huge, mermaid monster. I aim to invoke this through my style of writing, taking a simple yet whimsical approach.

Why Madoka?

I like almost everything about this anime. The characters, the love they have for one another, the Czech fairytale-like art style, and that despite the dark themes, the story never supports falling into the darkness yourself. One thing I dislike is that the short 12 episode length, while making the series very “complete” also serves to stunt the potential of a majority of the characters. As the series relies on the connections these characters have, it would have benefited very extremely from a longer run-time to show us the chemistry between the girls and their loved ones, as the lack of screen time can make these deep bonds seem rushed and superficial. I want to try to convey the importance of those deep bonds in my work, but like I said, it’s a matter of time, not passion, so my adaptation can’t fix this issue.

Adding sequels and prequels has, in my opinion, sullied the impact of the original work. Madoka Magica is an intensely popular brand, and thus, is extremely profitable. Making spin-offs for the short series seems obvious from a business point of view. But a majority of these spin-offs are just made simply from this business point of view, and nothing else. One example of this is the most popular spin-off series for Madoka, "Magia Record," which takes place in the same universe with a new, expansive cast of characters. The show feels like a cheap imitation of the original series. Instead of trying to explore new interesting themes or go into depth on the topics brought up in Madoka, it’s just trying to recapture what made it so special without truly understanding why it was so special in the first place.

One of the primary cultural fears explored in Madoka Magica is the fear of death, specifically the death of the ones you love. At the end of the series, it is revealed that Madoka’s aloof best friend, Homura, is actually in love with her and has been stuck in a time loop trying to prevent Madoka’s death, which proves unavoidable. The finale deals with Homura stopping the time loop and accepting her crush’s death, and that the world will move on without her, and so should she. The series tells us death is natural, it happens to all of us, and we cannot stop it. But we can honor the ones we loved and lost and step into the future as they would want.

[tomatoluvr69]

Helene floods diary/blog entry 10/11/2024.

Mentions of severe disaster, death/child death, burials/funerals, and of course a splash of deep illness and ed. TLDR it’s very very hard here but I’m more or less ok.

Hi everyone :-)

Greetings from [Appalachian town absolutely shattered by Hurricane Helene floods]. Slowly crawling my way out of the indescribable wreckage. No idea when I’ll be back to work, but received word that every one of my students survived the storm, which is a huge, profound relief. I’ve changed my post-storm efforts from direct mutual aid stuff to burial. Lowered a stranger into her grave and then filled it in manually. No family could be present. There are more next week. Every single day is so hard. Drove with a friend who lives in [one of the hardest hit towns— this place is GONE.] to mourn and get some supplies— he was stranded in his home without information or ability to cook hot meals for over a week. I used to live on the outskirts of that town— I really cannot sum into words how disturbing it is to the core of a person to see places you know so well in utter, severe destruction, soldiers crawling throughout. It’s like trying to describe the color purple to a worm or something. These floods have changed me. Yesterday I went to drop off a load of hazard protection gear in Marshall, NC, where signs read, “WARNING: MUD IS TOXIC. May cause: Disease, Fatigue, Dysentery, Headaches, Lung Infections, Staph Infections. Please Decontaminate Before Going To Kitchen Or Eating.” And on our way back home through downtown (google the downtown, seriously. These are places I went in the before times, visiting with friends, buying groceries, going to friends’ gigs at a now-obliterated bar called Mal’s) we forgot to roll the windows up, until a cloud of dust hit our eyes and lungs. Feeling okay so far, but god only knows.

But my work at the ecoburial sanctuary feels like a respite. There are just a couple people at each burial, proxies for the decedent’s loved ones who can’t come in because of the severely damaged infrastructure and lack of places to stay. The entire city has been without water for over two weeks now. Power is an unreliable commodity, as is internet and phone service. I feel honored to have this opportunity, and grateful for a way to be useful— I was struggling with the executive functioning necessary to carry out my supply runs, to budget the donations and read the lists, then sort and organize drop offs. My brain is genuinely impaired from what I’ve seen. But I see the community at work and trust the people in my network to continue that work. To lower caskets and shovel earth feels better. On Wednesday, the day of my first burial, I went the entire day without the gaping, gnawing dread, sorrow, fear, and stress that’s been my constant companion.

There are learning centers cropping up around the city, schools still being out indefinitely, and the school I work for will likely establish one over the next few weeks in an outlying town that gains water service— likely a few makeshift classrooms in a disused church or fire hall, something like that. And I’ll rejoin as soon as I can, many of the staff having young children they’ve had to evacuate. I work at the elementary level, and I miss my students, I want to provide the stability of a familiar face, but I also sort of can’t fathom returning to work. To bury people is wordless, your body knows what to do. There is no thought required. I can let the boundless grief and sorrow pool within me, and ease it with every thrust of the shovel. It’s getting cool here in the mountains, but the days are still warm enough— crisp October skies, autumn foliage, all that stuff. A gorgeous time to be buried. I would do it every day for a year if I could. But life here is making awkward, creaking lurches towards normalcy, and schools are vital. So I’m soaking in this strange, sacred interlude while I can, laying a stranger’s flood-bloated remains to rest, lowering my head to the mourner’s Kaddish or Nicene creed, grieving tremendously.

Furthermore, the outpouring of support is drying up. You see disaster relief convoys leaving, meal distros shuttering, October rent coming due in full. You get screamed at in traffic, your roommate’s car gets rear-ended by an internet cable repair truck, in the midst of his mourning a family of four. Now comes phase two: the community is still shattered, but you’re expected to function as normal. And you cannot even shower or defecate at home. No one cares anymore what’s happening to Western NC/Eastern TN, and I understand, as I understood when a mass shooting killed 11 at a synagogue three blocks from my childhood home while I was away in NC, as I understand with guilt each time a distant tragedy lands and is forgotten— no one has the bandwidth for everything. It’s simply not possible. But it is surreal to stumble around a shattered world and know that you’re in an island. I already have given up trying to relay what things are like to people outside Helene. Maybe one day. But there aren’t really words for such a visceral trauma. The things I’ve seen will be with me, cluttering my dreams and thoughts, until I die myself. I’m uninterested in making myself heard. I’m alright and I’m not. What I can do for right now is try to feed myself and my community, try to make sure I visit a toilet at least every other day, and show up to the graveyard. I really will be okay. But it’s so surreal, and terrible. Please, for the love of god, if you can help it, never ever live next to a river, and don’t cross floodwaters. The homes, the family members, and the friends people here have lost. It’s unfathomable. I’m gonna try to track down a shower today. All you can really do is move forward. I feel like I’ve finally passed the stage where I was catatonic for hours at a time, which feels nice. I’ve been there before even pre-flood, but it’s so much harder to crawl back from when the things you need, like hygiene, sleep, routine, hydration, and healthy foods are all intermittently accessible and tremendously hard to acquire. But I’m trying now, which is something; I have the goal of two meals a day, two jugs potable water, two showers a week. I’m doing okay again. I’m in financial ruin, it’s really fucking hard. And my ED troubles are back with a vengeance— again, all the measures I have to combat this stuff are prohibitively difficult. I may have to finally cave and go to a grocery distro myself, just to get some healthy foods. Even though grocery stores are open, I am genuinely too traumatized to handle them right now. When im not proactive, which is often, im freezing cold and faint, hyperconvinced all foods are poison. There are times when I could get a hot meal at one of the distribution sites but I cannot eat it because of how triggering and uncertain it feels.

So it’s hard to take care of myself. But I don’t know that layering my trauma of my involuntary hospitalization from my teenage years over my flood trauma and food trauma is possible. And even then there’s no real way to get help right now. All the health centers are either closed or booked out indefinitely. So what, I’m gonna drive to Charlotte for care? Or get telehealth when there’s no place to even do a video call? It is what it is but hey, it’s not great. But I’m ok. Got some fruit and bread, made some rice. I have to remind myself I’m very sick, of course I can struggle with this flood more than, say, my well roommate out chainsawing roads in Swannanoa every day. But every meal really is such a struggle. I got a banana outside a church earlier while I was trying to find a water truck and now my next task is get some dinner. A normal person in my circumstances would be fully equipped to eat healthily by this point, we can refrigerate and cook now. But I’m unwell and it’s hard. But maybe I will let my friend pick up some stuff soon, some bananas and tofu and milk. It’s also hard because we have to use our extremely hard-gotten potable water to wash cooking dishes, so it’s hard to like batch cook a huge batch of dal which is what I usually do when I’m struggling to feed myself, because it means having to do another big water run a lot sooner. But this is a chronic condition and I know its contours, I’ll be ok, even though it’s severely challenging. I have got to work on invalidating myself less, and telling myself my chronic condition isn’t worthy of aid. But the guilt is too overpowering to take advantage of it. So many people lost their entire homes. And even though I’m in dire straits financially and have invisible disabilities and illnesses, I still can’t let myself receive help. But I have hard days and easier ones and if I’m proactive I know how to turn them into easier days. It’s just hard. It’s so much easier to lie in my bed and watch the light on the wall shift for hours. So I fall into that trap sometimes. Especially now that temperatures are falling into the forties and fifties at times, and my window got shattered, and I can’t eat so I’m cold all the time, it’s just so much more comfortable to lie in bed and then I get trapped lol.

All that sounds very grim but really, I’m okay. Part of me still really acutely yearns to get out of WNC for awhile but I don’t think I could be cut off from my community right now, and the closest person in my life is enduring tremendous grief (four people, drowned! Two boys under ten! Bodies found all the way in Tennessee!) and I cannot conscionably leave him, even if I’m struggling to manage my illness here, even if he’d urge me to go, I wouldn’t want that. We tried for a couple days in Durham and it was profoundly terrible in its own way.

So I’ll go back to the cemetery, and then I’ll go back to work at school, whenever that may be. And one day the shower and the toilet will be back, and the grocery stores will have safe foods I can eat. And I’m very acutely aware of all the people, especially in Gaza and Sudan and displaced by imperial interests from which I benefit, who will not regain that stability— my disaster is, at least, the whim of nature, theirs is manmade. I’ve been carrying the trauma of destruction & feeling grief for Gaza in an even deeper way. WNC will pull through, if deeply scarred— i at least have that consolation. It almost feels as if I’ve endured nothing at all. I’m incredibly aware that the water truck I can go to is provided by the same government bankrolling unfathomable death and despair of people in an even more brutally shattered world. The scale of trauma is just beyond imagination. My fury has only increased.

I hope everyone on here is well— I’ve really loved having this space over the past few years, it is such a tremendous mental respite even in antediluvian times, and I am anxiously awaiting having power and internet restored so I can regain that sense of normalcy as well. I fucking miss scrolling, yall. I’m at a Buddhist monk’s house to download some forms I have to fill out and wanted to blog a bit. Please everyone have a really nice hot shower for me and watch a good movie, have a glass of wine with a hot dinner. And give a few bucks to relief efforts in Gaza. WNC will rebuild, Gaza cannot. Much love, your favorite natural disaster survivor ❤️

[mechanicalriddle]

HAPPY OCTOBER! (prompts by @bweirdart) (x)

Today(yesterday)(thedaybeforeyesterday)'s theme is favorite oc. I think it is probably obvious who is getting featured here if you have been following me for the *checks calendar* past two years

Character intro/diary/colossal infodump under the cut because I have to explain Exalted to you first before anything else makes sense in context, i'll rehash some of this in further detail for entries later in the month

WHO IS SHE?

My tabletop character.

What system is she from?

Extremely complicated question. For the completely uninitiated she is from a system called Exalted (3rd Edition), which is about spirits, gods, and the deeply fallible humans that the gods uplift to become humanity's ultimate champions. (surely they would never be crushed under the weight of their own hubris! update: oops!)

The original Exalted is a sort of post-post-post apocalypse bronze age deal. everything is sort of made of and governed by magic and elemental principles, various gods, etc etc. In the original Exalted, the titans who created the world are overthrown by their 'offspring', gods known as the Incarnae, after the incarnae choose to vest their power into their human Champions (the Exalted).

Now, for the vaguely initiated...

There is a published setting for an AU version of Exalted spoken about in quiet whispers...

Basically the main differences are:

-The Titans won, and humanity fled aboard the vast mechanical world-body of the Titan's only defector, Autochthon. then they lobotomized him and turned him into a gigantic warship

-all of this is in space. Normal exalted takes place on a large flat disc of reality adrift in a sea of infinite probability. This version is kind of like that except its three dimensional and instead of a flat disc it is a sphere that you can leave. so like the real world pretty much

-Takes place at the height of magitech rather than when Exalted normally does which is 2000 years after all that shit fell apart

The setting is called GUNSTAR AUTOCHTHONIA. If you see me make any references to this understand that this is what it is. We do also just call the campaign itself Gunstar also though, since it's the only one in this modified setting any of us have played.

OK now in context. Who is she

There is an organization made up primarily of the demigods uplifted by the god Sol Invictus; this organization is known as the Solar Deliberative, and it is a senate of god-kings of various levels of experience and corruption who rule over the Gunstar and command its forces against the Titanics. (In the original setting, the Deliberative is the ancient empire on which the world is built. In Gunstar, it remains alive and 'well'.) The god Luna also has their own Chosen, the Lunars, who are also part of the Deliberative. Lunars generally operate as the strike force of and seconds-in-command to the Solars.

Solars and Lunars are elected... Basically by lottery, from exceptional mortals who the Gods take a shine to, usually via some act of act of incredible heroism or just sheer brazen-ness. Two and two together, she won the big stupid lottery, despite not being terribly kind or clever or good natured or generous or. Well. The most important part, ambitious.

(pictured: Luna taking pity on some idiot after an Osmosis Jones suicide mission deep into Autochthon's corpus)

But Luna likes a fixer upper. Siithi is quickly coming to realize that worthiness means very little in this business, and any moron with a mote pool can save the universe, granted they're being at least halfway sensible with it. You'd think that'd be a low bar and yet she knows at least a few people personally who regularly fail to clear it.

What's she like...

She's loud, and crass, and trashy, and a bit mean. Maybe a little stupid. But she's been around the block at least two or three times. She considers herself a simple sort (except when she's contorting herself into 4th-dimensional interpersonal complexes.) She likes to drink and toke and watch wresting and hang out and take a nap. Now a bunch of jerks want her to be the savior of the people of the Gunstar or some other dumb horseshit. Fine, she said. I guess if you want me to do that I guess I can do it. Maybe I'll even be good at it. But that's not going to stop me from complaining about it the entire time. If only she didn't have this big, dumb, stupid, perpetually bleeding heart.

She has powers? Tell me about the powers.

She is stronger and faster and generally cooler than most mortals... Though that's fairly standard among the Exalted. Because she's Luna's chosen she can, of course, shapeshift. Mostly she acquires alter egos via people gambling them away to her so she can stay on the down low (deliberative members are extremely public figures so a lot of people know her true face...) She can also shapeshift into a variety of garbage animals, including her true "spirit shape" form which happens to be a fat bloodsucking worm

Most of her charms (lunar magic) are devoted to stamina charms (letting her do things like breathe poison, slow her own heartrate to become imperceptible, etc.), dexterity combat charms (useful but boring), mysticism (communing with spirits, presumably so she can rip them off somehow) but she has some fun utility charms like the one she used to pocket the craft-forward Dawn's makeshift bomb into an extradimensional space and refuse to give it back.

(It's still in there.)

Oh, yeah, also she can raise the dead. Which is not that weird in the regular Exalted setting but isn't really in vogue in Gunstar. By which I mean even foremost occult experts like Deliberative Twilights have never heard of necromancy before. She tries to be chill about this but that can sometimes be difficult, because firstly, most people think it's pretty creepy, and secondly, in a wartime economy a lot of factions would take some pretty drastic action to have that power for their own.

Now if only she could harness it to its true potential.

Give me some numbers.

She is 5'6", and 32 years old. She's about to hit Essence (level) 3, and has been exalted for probably about 6 months by this point.

Her gender seems pretty swanky.

Thank you!

She is intersex (17 BHSD deficiency) and personally doesn't identify with being transgender, but would be very hard pressed to call herself cis either.

I have received mixed messages about whether or not I'm actually allowed to say the word she most closely identifies with so I'll say it starts with a D.

Why do you have some pictures of her all scrawny and sad lookin

That is either because the drawing is well over a year old and her design has since changed, or because I'm drawing what she looked like before she exalted. At the time she was slowly dying of an occupationally-acquired disease. So you can guess why she has a weird relationship with the whole 'death magic' thing. Now she is post-miraculous recovery and much fatter and happier for it.

(happiness relatively speaking...)

Who is the dinosaur?

The dinosaur you have seen her drawn with from time to time is my friend @heedra's PC. Their name is Meteor-Dream, or Meat for short, and they are a half-creature half-spirit sort of thing known as a Dragon King. Dragon Kings are sapient dinosaurs with humanoid intelligence who retain their memories & reincarnate into new bodies every time they die, so Meat is actually rather fucking old.

Meat and Siithi are bestfriends!!! Or at least they were. They were bickering for a while. Meat has been busy slowly merging themselves, mind-body-and-soul, with the maligned violence spirit known as the Viator of Nullspace in a bid to kill their errant & traitorous god (Sol Invictus, who we've mentioned before, is actually kind of a dick who eventually switched sides, but the power of his Chosen remains vested in the Deliberative).

The pair had sort of come to an agreement about the situation, but also Meat is just getting kind of weird and hard to talk to lately & also huge and glowing nuclear furnace chest cavity and covered in darksteel plates with scary eyes and Siithi is simply not sure what she thinks about that. (Truthfully she knows what she thinks about it, but speaking it out loud would only cause more trouble...)

Is this some kind of friend-to-enemies-to-lovers thing?

Siithi is very aromantic and Meat thinks humans are disgusting little pink flesh homunculi, so... Nope!

Not to say that Siithi does not actively want or seek tail. Just not this tail specifically... that would be weird!!!

Alright. So why is she your favorite? What is the source of your obsession??

I don't know!!! She's simply funny.

I think it has to be partially an investment thing, because I have spent an egregious amount of time on her characterization, backstory etc. So I feel like I know her very well compared to some of my other OCs. I also am a huge sucker for tropey loser scumbags with secret inner worlds where they actually care way too fucking much, & then are subjected to The Horrors. Its sooooo awesome when you subject them to the horrors.

I also always get a lot of positive feedback on her! Presumably because other people think shes very funny as well. I hope you do too! But probably, if you've made it this far!

~

Thank you for supporting my work, even if you are on the barest periphery of what actually happens with it. I will continue posting more about her this month, because God Won't Let Me Stop !!!

✌️

[blushcoloreddreams]

7 tips for a thriving journal

Hello and welcome back to the blog my love!

I have been move to speak on the matter of journaling many times before, and today, with the new years spirit still around and everyone adding goals and new habits to their lives, I thought it would be nice to take pen to paper or rather... binary code to screen, and discuss the 7 ways you can improve your journaling life!

1. Read more

I’ll have to be honest with you guys ... the fact is that you are NEVER going to enjoy writing unless you also enjoy READING the written word. Now, we don't need to be cozying up in the evening with our personal diaries as reading material, but I have found that the more I read, the better (and more frequently) I write!

Reading more will stimulate your writing, inspire your words, and most of all, remind you that plenty of people have written millions of words on paper, and you can get through a daily journal entry. ;)

2. Get a pen you actually like

This might sound crazy, but I promise that you WILL write more if you enjoy the type of pen you're using. When I switched over to a really inky black gel pen, I found my cursive gliding over the page at RECORD speeds! It was simply a joy to write! So ditch that creepy pencil, say no to promotional pens, and pick out a cute gel pen!

3. Bring your journal with you everywhere

Most of us don't sit down at 8pm every evening and take pen to paper, outlining our days. Most of us have fluctuating schedules, thought-lives, and energy levels. I have found that bringing my journal with me has helped me write more often, get better ideas, and just... enjoy writing much more!

It changes from a chore to a full-on CHOICE! I encourage you to get a smallish journal and pull that baby out when you're waiting at the dealership, grabbing a coffee, or just... killing time while waiting for your date! It definitely beats scrolling through Instagram, and you will find that catching your most interesting thoughts before they flutter away is HIGHLY satisfying!

4. Use it to sort out your emotions

I remember tearing into my bedroom after a particularly negative ninth grade school day. I threw myself on my bed, snatched a pretty journal I had but never had found use for and began furiously writing about being ditched by my friends after a some intense political debate that took over not only school but the country in 2018 and even if I stayed neutral at the time, the opinion of people close to me was enough for them to slowly exclude me. Instead of wailing, crying, or screaming at my friends, I screamed at my journal. And it was SATISFYING!

As an adult reading back on my impassioned ninth grade emotions, it's shocking to me how intense I felt at the time, but I also find myself feeling quite grateful to have those feelings immortalized forever. I've always done this: recorded my intense emotions, good OR bad. When I fall in love with, my journal becomes filled with my heart's longings and thoughts from our very first weeks. I promise you, either way It’s a cathartic experience that will not only help you process and rationalize what you feel at that moment but also record those feelings and adventures for the future.

When I went through grief and really bad times, my feelings were also sprawled across the pages forever. And sometimes, I like to reflect upon those feelings to remind myself how far I've come, or of what our first love felt like. Journaling helps you work through your emotions, but it also helps catalogue your life in a really meaningful way. Try taking to the pages when you're struggling, in pain, or feeling supremely happy. :)

5. Rotate your writing & topics

In order to stimulate your writing, it's important to rotate through different topics AND different styles of writing. Instead of just writing daily journal entries about your life, try your hand at different categories. I enjoy writing short stories, poetry, daily diary entries, personal thoughts about cultural and social current events, things I wanna learn more about, my goals and future blog ideas!

You could write song lyrics, poetry, novel ideas, blog ideas; the sky is the limit! I encourage you also to not only try writing about different topics, but also try rotating the WAY you write as well. You don't necessarily need to write with a physical pen on paper every time either. Sometimes I prefer opening up google docs, or even this very blog!

6. Use it to connect with God

I like to write out my prayers sometimes... especially if they're really meaningful like prayers of repentance, supplication, or long lists of what I'm grateful to God for. It can help to stimulate your prayer life, AND keep a record of your personal spiritual breakthroughs.

7. Write letters to people

When my father died, we haven’t been in contact for a while but I felt like I still had much to say, words that I wished I had externalized before his passing. However there was nothing stopping me to write to him, even if it felt a bit silly and I knew he’d never read them, it could help calm my mind. So I decided to writing him a few letters could help me cope better with what had just happened, better understand our relationship and even myself.

Now, at first, it can sound pretty unappealing to write to someone who couldn't write back, but before I knew it, it felt like one of the best cathartic experiences I ever had. When my beloved great grandma passed I found myself writing longer and longer letters, detailing different thoughts, and even throwing in some creative writing. I spent so much time sharing my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and heart, that by the end of this all, I felt like I was already in the habit of daily journaling LOL!

So, if you need a spark for your writing habits, I encourage you to start sending some letters to your family members, friends or find a pen pal, I actually loved writing letters on peoples birthdays when I was younger and it was something I really enjoyed rediscovering. Even if the person doesn't write back much, it can really jumpstart your writing!

That's all I have for today my loves! I hope you feel inspired to start writing. Remember, if the notebook life doesn't work out for you, it's okay to turn to the digital keyboard! Just keep trying different angles until you settle on the right formula for you.

xoxo, Julia

[sepublic]

            I’m probably late in suggesting this but… King James I published a whole book about witches, a guide of sorts, called Daemonologie. Published in 1597, it saw another reprint when he became king in 1603. James was said to have a fascination with witches and demons, to the point that it’s claimed Shakespeare wrote in an additional scene with the witches in Macbeth to pander to James’ tastes. The thing is…

         James thought witches were evil. And his Daemonologie book explained how to recognize witches, how they worked, the animal familiars they used, all that stuff, ultimately to give witch-hunters an idea of how to find and kill them; Because the main solution to witchcraft in this book was execution. Daemonologie was meant to expose the existence of witchcraft to the common people, and prove it.

         Philip and Caleb Wittebane entered Old Gravesfield in the year 1613. Just a decade after the Royal Re-Release of Understanding Witches (So you can kill them). Philip documents a lot of the stuff he sees in the Boiling Isles, to a scientific degree, cataloguing, categorizing, etc. And in the first diary entry we hear, Philip ruminates on how he wishes humanity could see the Boiling Isles and understand…

         @fermented-writers-block already suggested this to me a while back, the idea that Philip initially wrote his journal as proof of witchcraft and especially the demon realm’s existence, so he could convince people to help him eradicate the alleged threat, and/or prove he went on a successful crusade that saved the world. Granted, the people of Gravesfield seemed like earnest believers by that point, but I can imagine Philip taking real-life inspiration from King James I to convince others around the globe, who may not be as receptive to his claims.

         Anyhow, I think it deeply re-contextualizes our understanding of Philip’s diary entries in a complete 180 way; Most of us were under the initial impression that Philip’s fascination stemmed from a place of genuine wonder, curiosity, and appreciation for the Boiling Isles. But knowing he’s a witch hunter, it seems his interest came from a place of condemnation; Wanting to understand the witches so he could kill them. Whether James actually believed in witchcraft, I’m not sure, but to Philip, it was lore contributing to his favorite game of destroying the Bad Guys; Cowboys VS Indians, basically. The Collector accuses Philip of having fun destroying Grimwalkers, and they’re not even his main target.

         It’s a borderline fetishistic attitude towards witches; Philip is enamored, he wants to know and understand and figure them out. But he’s so deeply committed to dehumanizing and hating them, wanting their utter annihilation. Witches exist as the enemy NPCs in a video game where Philip immerses himself into their lore and in-universe dialogue, even as he slaughters them in droves. It’s a sick and sadistic pleasure at the expense of others he loathes, paradoxical in the way fetishization is; Philip’s previously-shown interest is not a contradiction, at least not from a writing perspective.

         It works as a way to trick the viewer while still making total sense. A brief outside glimpse might suggest to the unsuspecting that Philip DOES like witchcraft, but no, he’s an objectifying colonizer who wants to own and appropriate, not learn and engage with on the same, humble level as a learner. Philip sees himself as a conqueror looting knowledge instead of riches from his victims, and he gets just that from people like Luz and the Collector.

         He doesn’t really understand what he’s playing with and he doesn’t want to; He’s the White Dude who indulges in ethnic stereotypes and cuisine, in the tourist-y commodification of cultures, while at the same time voting for minorities to be outlawed. I would even compare Philip to a trophy hunter, knowing all the stuff about his prey, writing comprehensive guides… all for the purpose of how to kill and destroy them, as part of some big game.

        I get the feeling that Philip ultimately WANTED witches to exist; Because if he was truly genuine about saving the world, about protecting people, it’d be a relief to find out there was no threat after all. But Philip wants for there to be a threat, never mind what it can pose to others, because then he gets to be the hero!!! He gets to be chosen one who goes on a sick adventure beating people up! He goes on rants about a hidden threat beneath our very eyes, not because Philip actually wants to warn people, but because he sees this as his opportunity to be the savior; So really, Jacob Hopkins IS Philip, isn’t he?

[taylorrepdetective]

Wait could you expand on says don't go / cornelia street analysis? I would like to hear more about that

Say Don’t Go was written with DW during the last days of December 2013. It appears to be about a new, undefined relationship where Taylor is in that stage of not knowing where the other person stands and is confused and a bit distraught that they are leading her on and don’t feel as strongly as Taylor does. Taylor is hooked and desperately hoping this person isn’t gonna be another unrequited love. You can read it as an early non-labeled relationship because Taylor says “I love you” to the person apparently for the first time, and is met with devastating silence. Ouch. (It obviously could be read as a relationship that is trying to be rekindled and the other person is not fully into it, but to me, new, undefined relationship fits best, especially with the timing of what I believe was going on at this time, and with other context, which I’ll get to.)

The lines “why’d you have to lead me on” and “I’m trying to see the cards that you won’t show” is a direct parallel to Cornelia Street’s looking back to the early stages of that relationship “Back when we were card sharks playing games, I thought you were leading me on”. So assuming Say Don’t Go was written contemporaneously to the events of late 2013, and that verse of Cornelia street is looking back to then, we got a resolution to the questions asked in SDG. Taylor thought they were leading her on but the “you called before I hit the tunnel..showed your hand” indicates that the other person finally explained themselves and they weren’t leading her on. And since in CS she is looking back from 2016 (when she lived at Cornelia st) to the early part of relationship, we can assume that that showing your hand bit in CS means the relationship from late 2013 continued for years.( Yes I know there’s that pesky “packed my bags left Cornelia st” that doesn’t fit 2013 , but let’s not forget she buzzcuts things and doesn’t always write literally because she is in the closet. Personally, I substitute The West Village for Cornelia St here.)

There are lots of other parallels in this song to other songs. First of all we have “cat and mouse for a month or two or three” which in my world view points to an early undefined relationship where they were sort of playing games with each other before they defined it. And Delicate, which was them having The Talk to define it.

The most intriguing parallel, though, is with YAIL. This new idea that Taylor’s confession of love was met with a devastating silence, and then by the time she wrote YAIL she was able to reinterpret that silence into a form of falling in love with your best friend (with the fear of ruining it causing confession paralysis that is such a core queer experience) is really something. I always loved YAIL, but this interpretation takes it to another level that makes me want to jump off a cliff.

Other possible linked songs:

-shot in the darkest dark and Getaway Car’s we never had a shotgun shot in the dark.

-The way she yells “I Love You” calls back to Cruel Summer’s screamed “I Love You” which was met with a devilish grin.

- the knife and the bleeding also ties to cruel summer.

I don’t want to go too far because it’s easy to get caught up in Swiftisms and see parallels that aren’t really there (like she wrote songs about trucks and dresses and rain and porches when she was 13-15 yo, it doesn’t mean she was still singing about that muse 10 years later.) But the card sharks, showing your hand, leading me on stuff between CS and Say Don’t Go is as clear as anything we ever get imo.

Lastly, we have this diary entry to tell us, contrary to her public statement that she stopped dating for two years, she was clearly dating someone during this period (one week after writing SDG) and it wasn’t going well:

Also, the original prologue to 1989 included this:

I wrote about moving to the loudest and brightest city in the world, the city I had always been overwhelmed by... until now. I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to take on New York and all its blaring truth. I wrote about the thrill I got when I finally learned that love, to some extent, is just a game of cat and mouse.

So another parallel to Lover, that is specifically about deciding to move to NY.

So to me, it appears that sometime shortly after this diary entry, the Delicate conversation happened and the hand was shown. And she decided to move to NY by the end of January,

[inposterumcumgaudio]

Your thoughts on Madame Wanda or the Thomasina House? If you haven't already ofc.

I've talked a bit about Thomasina House in the Class Structure post and there's a bonus theory I have about it in my post about Gemma Olsen. I might do a post about Thomasina House in particular in the future because there's more to say, but for now, I'll take you up on Madame Wanda and expand that a bit to the Reform Club as a whole.

Gonna disappoint right off, but I don't think anyone is actually having sex at the Reform Club. Sorry. All right, maybe some people do sometimes, like fucking at Studio 54. But that's not actually what the point of the place is.

It is described in the art book as a "punishment club". People go here to be punished for a misdeed they refuse to remember, but becuase they don't remember what they feel guilty for, there's no apparent reason they can't have some fun with it. That the developers have taken this concept and appended fetish play to it confuses the subject, but even then it still makes perfect sense. Fetishes aren't really about sex either so much as foundational (often childhood) memories later re-contextualized in adulthood. Dohoho.

And Madame Wanda is a matron overseeing the discipline of her naughty children.

I would really liked it if she were the Wanda Durbyfield from the "Diary of a Wayward Girl" that you find at the Hippo Club.

In fact, I very much think this was the intention: the Wanda in this diary ends her last entry by saying that, "Some day I'm going to punish them. I'm going to punish them all." And Madame Wanda has a cut diary too, indicating that she would also have been in the habit of documenting her life.

The only problem with this is that Wanda Durbyfield's diary points to her being younger than Margaret Oliphant, which would make her too young to be a Crier. But its a very good story otherwise. A girl unable to raise her child herself and terrorized by the town for it, grows up to find her calling in punishing her fellow Wellies while forgetting just as much as they have why. I think they just couldn't let go of the idea of a Crier running the fetish club because that is also a good concept. Would that they were compatible!

If the cut diary is any indication though, Wanda would have also grown into the role. As Wanda Durbyfield, her punishments would have been a revenge for the rage she was made to endure from the townspeople who were more powerful as a group than her. As Madame Wanda, her punishments are corrections with the understanding that people - children - misbehave without fully comprehending the underlying cause, especially when they have the boldness of a mob obscuring their better sense. This is why you punish them one on one (and presumably a premium rate).

I have a chapter in which I've juxtoposed the Reform Club with the Church of Simon Says and if Wanda Durbyfield was supposed to be Madame Wanda, then the game would have done this as well.

"I don't care if we ARE required to go to church! Those women are lunatics, the way they ganged up on me! You'd think they'd be GLAD I'm giving up the baby. They put their children on the train -- wouldn't they want another child? But no, I'm apparently the worst sinner in the world for sending mine away. Am I supposed to raise it here? Much better for it to live on a farm."

That the Home for Wayward Girls was a religious institution and enforced church-going despite the growing danger it posed would not only place Wanda at odds with the Church of Simon Says on a business level in the future, but a philosophical one as well.

The thing I think is most interesting about the Reform Club is that they are apparently engaging in some sort of resistance efforts, but we never actually get to know anything about it other than that it's happening. And what's more, you only learn this from a line that Sally will soliloquize to herself when walking around in the Garden District.

"I almost miss going to the Reform Club. I bet some of them could help. And they never ask awkward questions. But I'd have to be Naughty Nurse again, and I'm just not that."

I genuinely think, though. that this line is only here to give context to Gemma's bug out bag and not to actually lead into any further supposition about the Reform Club's activities. It's a sort of slight of hand, really, because the thing you're supposed to be focusing on from this statement is Sally's Naughty Nurse act that she just can't bring herself to reprise. Whatever the Reform Club is doing is similar to Mr. Kite in that you are presented it to pique your interest, but you're never permitted to get any closer to it.

And, if we're accepting that Wanda Durbyfield was meant to have grown into Madame Wanda, she even had the sense as a wayward girl know that some people deserved their chance to leave Wellington Wells.

"No one will ever marry her now. Nor me, I suppose. Not unless I can move away."

"Am I supposed to raise it here? Much better for it to live on a farm."

Beyond that, I have a further, wilder theory about the Reform Club and its place in the world.

In Lionel Castershire's quests, he often makes mention of an unnamed client who collects Uncle Jack records, but its in Ollie's act when Castershire asks him to retrieve the Salty Dog from the Lawrence house that we learn more about this client beyond that.

"I have a client who likes to… collect things. Very powerful man. He has quite a few employees, but he'd rather they not know about his… private interests."

(As an aside, I think it's very funny that this dialogue implies the client is a taxidermy dog fucker - particularly in view of what I'm about to tell you further - but upon receipt of the quest, you learn he was probably just after the Hope Diamond that should be in the Salty Dog.)

When you return with the Salty Dog, you get one last parting piece of information from Castershire:

"My client is a man you want in your corner. And not in the other."

I like very much to think that this client is the Mr. Cleland that Madame Wanda is expecting when you come upon her as Arthur.

Mr. Cleland is a reference to John Cleland, who wrote Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure, more popularly known as Fanny Hill. In it, a wealthy woman recounts in two letters to a friend known only as "Madame" the sexual adventures of her earlier life. It is considered the first English prose pornography and is otherwise notable for its use of euphemism. It contains no vulgarities directly, instead describing its graphic sexual events in very... couched language. So couched you could lose your clover clamps or the key to your safe in it. Also, Cleland wrote this novel from debtor's prison.

So Mr. Cleland and his friends are coming to visit for some Golden Knocking, are they?

I think this is meant to be euphemism, which is doubly hidden because it is framed in a place that is also trading in innuendo. Which is to say, they are implying this is a fetish-y sex thing, but I think it is actually a business transaction and this is is why you want Mr. Cleland in your corner and not the other.

I believe he brings his "friends", people who owe him money, to the Reform Club to get the screws put to them and that Madame Wanda, resident expert in the art, assists him with this. This may even be why the Reform Club is permitted to operate as it does, it enjoys the protection of a "powerful man". Probably makes makes them lean over the chair and watches while Madame Wanda gives them a proper caning. Maybe the tranquilizer darts on the table are so they can walk home after.

Further story elements in the game that dovetail nicely with this idea are the quest "Moon Juice Leach" and Captain Lawrence's unpaid debts and subsequent "accidental" death in "Old Soldiers".

In "Moon Juice Leach", Eddie Coke is remembered as having not having the "common sense that God gave an ordinary bowl of porridge" nor much reason to need "contraband" motilene, but a desperation to try to steal it all the same. This idea that motilene can even be contraband is a whole other ???, but the constables suppose that Lionel Castershire (who we later learn in Ollie's act is perhaps a tad less upstanding than he appears) may be involved in Eddie's fatal caper. If Lionel acts as a buffer between Cleland and his acquisitions, this would make sense. If Eddie got a taste of that Golden Knocker, it would also explain the reckless attempt at theft.

Meanwhile Captain Edward Lawrence is past due on his bills and on notice for shut off from the Department of Water and Power. More motilene-related troubles. Possibly purchasing discounting "contraband" motilene and being unable to pay that bill either?

Rather than (or unable to) meet his obligations, he's chosen to shut himself up in his house and refuse calls.

To great effect:

If this is the work of Mr. Cleland (or more likely his "few employees"), it presents another interesting connection: that he may also have something to do with who has access to the apples from the last apple tree in the Garden District.

Or maybe Mr. Cleland's just wondering why Captain Lawrence is buying a luxury like apples when he owes him money.

That Ollie is asked to retrieve the Salty Dog from his brother Colonel Lawrence's house, after both brothers have died, seems like a case of shifting the debt around. (This is also why I wondered if the Salty Dog wasn't supposed to be Bonny Prince Charlie at a point.)

Dropping a bookcase on Captain Lawrence is a steep escalation, for sure, but if he wouldn't come to the Reform Club, then he didn't leave himself much room to negotiate a payment plan.

Who knows. He might have even liked it.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hi,

Saw a question about Louis's power level and you saying Merrick power up seems to not gonna happen in the show due to SF suicide attempt but i disagree.

Rolin seems to not leave loose ends and loopholes for the sake of it. Some pages of Claudia's diary (involving Armand) Louis had to ask bc they are under A's possession, L really had no authority about their life at Dubai.I don't think A showed all the missing entries. (Just like additional Stein photos) That may come to play as trigger for Louis to face in fact if only he were to listen Claudia instead of Armand she may be saved.

And right now i do not believe I own the night was him settling in himself fully and honestly. It was a dare bc he needs some sort of explosion to keep his mind occupied. Louis was never to coward away from a fight anyway. He just recently faced the fact that he spend 7 decades w the man killed his daughter just to hurt his maker/lover/husband, thinking A saved him while Lestat was an accomplice to Claudia's murder. He knows he is missing important memories by Armand's mind control too.

All sounds like a guilt bomb waiting to explode imo ergo confronting w Claudia, trying to give her soul a salvation and yet another attempt to kword himself.

From Immortal Universe promoting pov adding a witch from that flop show may be Iwtv giving a hand to save setting or Merrick starts here w us then transfers to Mayfair they make M live to save MW etc.

Saving Louis along w Lestat to show Armand feel some sort of remorse as a development both in his character & his relationship w Lestat post-trial, post-Louis is dead lie.

I think Louis's self confrontation in the show has a long way to go. As well as his power up.

Mhhh, no, I disagree, I think they pulled that up and into the SF part to get it behind them.

In a way it frees Louis, but on the other hand... but no, I do not see them return to that, at all. And I don't see them adding Merrick either. I thought they would, back then, but now... if anything I see them bring in the removed diary pages, but for clarifications only. I don't see Louis go back to depressed and suicidal.

But... we'll see^^

[honeyfizzly]

Mahiru Shiina character analysis because alot of people misinterpret her character, so here my probably incoherent explanation of her character. I'll at least try to be organized with my points thought!

Credits to https://rochisama.wordpress.com/2021/06/24/milgram-mahiru-this-is-how-to-be-in-love-with-you-mv-text/ for the translations

1. Mahiru had a turbulent relationship with her beloved.

While the diary entries go on for 16 days, it's likely the relationship lasted for about a year or more since we see the change from summer to fall clothing.

We know that for Mahiru it was love at first sight, and she quickly lied about jogging to get close to the person she liked even though she didn't jog.

She ends up confessing and they presumably get together.

From there, cracks in the relationships start to show.

It seems they used to fight alot and break up alot. Mahiru thought this was all normal relationship things, so it seems she tried to reason that the hurt she was feeling was good and they were matching in pain. Mahiru also seems to have trouble with boundaries and being needy with other people, often fighting with her partner before quickly apologizing it seems.

Also something happened on day 12 when she first went to his house where she can't remember anything. This is also when the text changes and gets more disorganized.

Somethings I'd like to point out is that Mahiru is never seen with her partner besides one scene of him handing her a coffee on their outdoor date.

This could represent 2 things- Mahiru was only thinking of herself in the relationship, and how she looked or this is a visual representation of how Mahiru's partner was very distant in the relationship.

I'd argue it's the second option due to how Mahiru says she just dosent want to give, she wants to recieve as well. This implies in the past, Mahiru felt that she was the only one providing effort in the relationship.

Even some lines in the song and the diary express this frustration, like when she mentions in day 10 he probably won't notice her hair cut or how she constantly questions if he knows what love is.

On day 9 is when we see them go on their first date, and it's a bar where her beloved gets fucking blasted. She describes him as drinking himself unconscious. On this day it also includes an hangover cure called "corpse reviver".

Also Mahiru seems to be willing to copy anything her lover does, like in her interrogation questions she says she would smoke if her partner did.

Day 16 is presumably when her partner dies, the day Mahiru is waiting to surprise him with a feast she cooked of his favorite food. It's likely her partner killed themselves, due to the fact Mahiru the image she holds up in her card in undercover is the suicide forest. That's where her "murder" accured.

2. Mahiru Shiina has a shallow view of happiness

It's no secret that too Mahiru, love is happiness. Throughout her voice drama she is always talking about love and loving other people, and she feels as if her life has no purpose if it lacked love.

Alot of Mahiru's music video also features alot of magazine imagery, as if she's the fancy model in her story. Now, here's where things get interesting- Mahiru seems very cautious about what society sees of her, and seems to use surface level things to try and make her happy.

For example, she says "Beige and pink will make you love yourself" on day 10, you shouldn't need colors combinations on outfits to "love" yourself.

Or how in day 14 she says "Just because it’s outdoors doesn’t mean you can relax too much! Even when picking out a date outfit to protect you from the cold, you still want to protect that loveable silhouette".

Mahiru talks like this constantly throughout the mini text explaining her outfit choices in her diary.

Mahiru throughout the mv and the lyrics seems to have some sort of depression with lyrics like, "I really don't want to say I'm okay", "this sickness is pretty bad", "I suck at pretending to smile but see I'm happy cause of you"

Mahiru is very concerned with fitting into public image and chasing a fairy tale romance, hell that chasing of that fairy tale life is probably why she's so asscioated with the blue bird.

The blue bird of happiness is quite litterally in it's name, it's a bird that represents happiness.

Throughout the mv we see feathers falling down, and Mahiru even pouncing on the feathers like a cat. Some people think the feathers were meant to represent the lover's stress, but I personally believe it's meant to represent the relationships happiness.

I think Mahiru pouncing on the feathers is meant to represent how she's chasing after that happiness, but since her view of happiness is so shallow she only gets the feathers and not the bird.

The last feather falling is presumably when she realizes the happiness she's been chasing was all for nothing and her relationship was doomed from the start.

Also throughout the mv we see that Mahiru is in a birdcage. There's a whole shot of her looking longingly out of the bars as if she wants out, before she goes kitty mode and pounces on the feathers- instead trying to reaffirm her "happiness" in the relationship.

Alot of people don't mention that mahiru is in the birdcage as well, and seems to want out as well.

I personally believe the birdcage represents the relationship itself, as both partners probably feel trapped by it.

3. Her behavior after getting voted guilty is concerning. Even after getting restrained and then having the absolute shit beat out of her, to the point she's in critical condition, she reaffirms her love for everyone there.

4. In the teaser trailer for the second trial came out, the one with everyone talking and the big black spiky thing on screen we hear mahiru at her angries- she screams at 0:12 "don't say you love me without any proper weight behind it", it seems she's very concerned on if the person she likes truly loves her.

So with all the information we know about her so far- Mahiru is a young women whos very focused on surface level ways of achieving happiness, which traps her in a toxic relationship that leads to the death of her partner. Mahiru is shocked by this and dosent know if she's the cause or not, and feels that without loving others she has nothing left to live for.

Personally in my books this an essay innocent, not just cause she got beat up for being guilty but also because it's clear that this was just a bad first relationship for her where she rushed into love and found herself in a toxic relationship.

There's still alot we don't know, and her second trial might completely recontextualize things, like it did with Shidou and Muu. But until then, here's my analysis on Mahiru!

[petruchio]

i'm so jealous of people who have childhood diaries! my parents went thru my stuff all the time so i couldn't keep one, and i could never keep the habit as an adult. (i wasn't doing anything nefarious that they needed to check on! one time i legit found that my dad had made a copy of stuff i wrote about my crush and he was sending it to my aunt for some reason. another time i wrote a fan letter to a band and i discovered that my mom opened and kept it. why!)

that sucks!!! it sucks to feel like your privacy isn't respected, regardless of whether you were doing anything that was actually nefarious or not, i'm sorry that happened!! (although if i were your mom i can see why she would want to keep the letter LOL... it was probably SO CUTE! but still! not fair to you to find out and realize that it wasn't being sent how you wanted!! i feel like such a big part of being a kid is feeling respected by the adults in your life, and even if her motivation was pure, it still made you feel like your wants/needs (sending the letter) weren't being heard and answered in an honest way and that's a shitty feeling for a kid.)

i wasn't always consistent in my journaling as a kid but i have pretty much kept a journal off and on since i was like ten or so. i always go on and on about how powerful journaling is as a reflective tool, and i really do believe it, both on the day-to-day level and on a larger scale of getting to see myself and sort of re-live emotions and experiences that i had at different points in my life. i found my old high school journals at my parents' house and i've been rereading them and they're simply amazing. it's so cool to be able to see the ways i've changed and the ways i haven't, and i think it's really lovely to be able to see my thought processes in the past -- i think it's tempting to want to kind of rewrite history in your head about how you felt in a certain situation, and getting to have a real record of exactly how you felt and thought at one time is a really special thing. it keeps you honest with yourself and it also helps you to see your own growth over the years -- which is a really healing and beautiful thing to experience. i love journaling so much!! i could go on and on about it forever. i honestly have some journal entries where i just write about how much i love journaling. it gets very meta.

[monards]

so i played symbiosis.

now tell me

1. what do you think happens after the game ends in the basement.

2. what are your headcannon ideas for more endings and/or a ‘true’ one?

3. why exactly is his nickname mint. how is he invasive!! and he isn’t used as a spice either!!! (or is he? a flavouring in magnolia’s sad lonely life)

ommg hihihi!!! I'm so glad you played!!!!! so sorry this is a bit of a late response,, i really had to think about these questions. also very sorry because i actually rambled an insurmountable amount for this,, LMAO. ok brace yourself, hereee we go (adding the keep reading thing because i dont need to be flooding innocent people's home page with this.)

// Honestly,, I dont have a like, huge idea of what happened after that ending (mostly because of the lack of context around a lot of the stuff, and boy do i need context to function!!!) but I think there's a lot of ways the ending in the basement could've technically gone after the cut off depending on how you interpret Mint at that point. We know Mint was always aware of what Magnolia did, as he mentions in his diary entry; but what happened next REALLY depends on how he copes with that as he grew up. Dove obviously got him into school, or some sort of formal education; where he'd then learn about 'right and wrong' which, as far as education systems go; tends to be VERY black and white. Meaning they'd likely respond with full conviction that Magnolia's actions were wrong and completely unjustifiable. So under the situation he had followed and grown into that line of thinking afterwards, there's no doubt he'd probably not have the most happy reaction to seeing Magnolia again,, butttt on the other hand, and what i believe to be the case a LOT more; he grew up being taught that people do what they do for a reason. Magnolia taught him to always do stuff for himself, because more often than not, what's 'right' isn't always the best for you; and it's okay to go against what's commonly known as the 'right thing to do' for that reason!! He'd likely grown aware at some point that most if not everything Magnolia had done while he lived with her, was for him to live. She murdered people because she needed blood to feed him; she hid them deep in the forest because she didn't want to be arrested and risk anything happening to mint, in the case he got into the wrong hands; and OBVIOUSLY it's a bit hard to completely disregard that line of thinking after so many years,, even if that line of thinking may of been a bit altered in him learning about what magnolia had really done to people, and her effect on others. So I could totally believe him just breaking down the moment he saw her again; knowing everything he'd know as of that point He's also, like, the biggest mama's boy i've ever seen in media; so I wouldn't put it past him if, upon seeing Magnolia again, he really did get emotional and just sorta started crying. Because old habits die hard.

// To be completely honest, I think knowing magnolia; both endings worked perfectly well in their own ways!! We know Magnolia really did love Mint, and her different responses to that love is really shown well in both endings :) Ending A obviously shows her wanting to give mint a better future. Just as it's acknowledged in the FAQ, she is a very horrible person; since she's. yknow. a fugitive and mass murderer. But she willingly puts herself at risk of being arrested, and presumably leaves dove who she clearly still loved on some level to likely die after stealing her gun, because she knows that as things were going, she'd never be able to provide Mint the life he deserves. And If anything, Magnolia clearly doesn't want to be as her parents were to her, to Mint. But Ending B is just as good in the regard that it shows the concept of Magnolia not being good for others, and that despite her best efforts; she almost always sours her relationships with those she loves (which is so, so, so great of an idea when you tie it in with 'symbiosis' as the title LMAO) No offense to Magnolia,, but she's like, almost pathetically horrible at conveying her feelings and emotions in any context. She was already blunt and mean in college without much provocation, and she never seemed to show her love for Dove *that* clearly (i mean,, we saw her smile once but that was in their wedding photo. cmon) so Ending B does great at reminding us,, 'hey,, she's still the same no matter what.' At least in this case we know she loves mint, but did mint even know that? By the time he's grown up, he looks just like magnolia did at that age; straight faced, apathetic looking in most cases, and generally not good at conveying anything but negative emotions. And we know for magnolia,, all of that emotion for her was a result of how she grew up (because i REALLY doubt she'd be this cynical and miserable if her parents weren't assholes, no hate) ; so it does so great to show that no matter Magnolia's best efforts, she was really never going to be as good as she wanted to be, because that's just the way she is, that's her effect on others.

// Honestly,, I always just interpreted his name as the sort of tie and relationship between him and Magnolia; and how their connection and effect on each other is far different from her previous one relationship and connect to Dove !!!! Doves, as a whole, are separate from Magnolias (as in the plant species,) because Doves are birds. And that same line of thought carries over to the characters too!!-- Dove had a freedom Magnolia didn't by being able to express herself and show her compassion and emotions without much complication; but though she changed Magnolia in her interactions with her- as we see magnolia was clearly more expressive, and emotionally available with her- she would have never have a permeant effect on her, because anything a bird can manage to do to a Magnolia tree has very temporary effects. (Hence the game's title "symbiosis" ; the interaction and relationship between two organisms !!! ) But Mint is also a 'plant' , (in this context, figuratively and literally ) So in some ways, he's just like Magnolia in that regard, since they're the same 'species' ; in this case being the way they're both 'irregular' and different from those around them. But just like you noted; mint is invasive. The plant itself can permanently alter the area and environment around it and it's generally very hard to get rid, leaving lasting impact. The moment Mint became a part of Magnolia's life, her life was permanently changed. We see she became far more empathetic than before, and her drive for what she did was no longer purely for knowledge, but compassion; and in both endings she so clearly does what she does under the context of her love for him!! And, in the basement ending (Ending B) despite all the time that had passed, she still seems to have those far more 'open' qualities coming about when it comes to him!!; cue her being so much more positively expressive and welcoming upon seeing him, compared to her reunion with dove. so for the most part, that's what i headcanon as the background for his nickname as'mint' !!!! :))

i had soso much fun answering these,, thank you so much kshkshks!!!!!! 💜💜

[fandomcrazy6226]

Liveblogging Dracula Daily - May 31/June 5/June 18

Oh this is a short one, I'm probably gonna double up with the next one. Yeah I just looked over the next one, I could probably triple up honestly. OK I'm tripling these

May 31!

Jonathan wakes up and wants to keep some paper/envelopes on him so he can try the letters again, but all of his paper is gone?????? Notes, maps, all of it. That is a new level of cruel. And his suit and coat were stolen?? What is to be gained by depriving a man of his clothes? The paper I understand I guess but like why the clothes?

June 5:

OK this is Dr Seward's diary, and he was one of Lucy's turned-down suitors who works in the asylum and who, according to a message I got about what "kept in phonograph" means, doesn't like writing

Oh and that's why it says "Jack's podcast". His diary is audio recorded

On to what it actually says, Renfield (one of Seward's patients if I remember right?) is very secretive and also selfish? Which does not seem like a good thing in a delusional patient. He's also got some kind of secret scheme? Oh well at least he likes animals. He... apparently really likes flies. And he's got three days to clear them out. I'm suspicious that he was so calm about it

June 18:

So I know there's a big time jump but all three of these entries are short and I wanna try and consolidate a little bit

More about Renfield, I assume this is also written by Seward? Oh christ he's collecting spiders now? Oh that's a great little loophole to get rid of flies. Use them as bait to catch spiders! And he's still catching more flies! Very suspicious

So that's all fun. I'm glad these could sort of squish together. Back to Jonathan next, hopefully he has his clothes back by then!

PREVIOUS / NEXT

[jazzpostsrandomthings]

Journey Retold: My First Days of Adventuring

&lt;;< Previous Entry

So, my hardest exam had just passed (and I did pass it, gladly), and I had also finished Endwalker on 18th of December, which means that I can go back to writing about my experiences in the critically-acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV once again! I will talk about EW when I will reach it during this series of diaries, however.

Btw, now this series of entries has a name! It's 'Journey Retold'! It came to my mind quite suddenly but I really like the sound of it.

And now, without fruther ado, let' me look back at my first days of adventure in La Noscea!

My second day begun with me finally leaving Limsa Lominsa, not before taking the blue quest at Arcanist Guild as I was instructed to by my two companions. Now, I don't remember how was I actually doing that quest, but I remember really liking the whole quest-line. I found K'lyhia to be a fun character, and her growth during the story quite nice. The conclusion to the questline was also very satisfying.

Anyways, I remember starting the main story quest at Summerfold Farms, then getting side-tracked by Arcanist quest... which resulted in me opening half of the map of entire La Noscea in a day. Yes, even the areas that were too high level for my level 11 lalafell without a proper equipment. Yes, I was that stubborn and I also wanted to see more areas this place had to offer that badly. You just can't help it when you are especially fond of exploring fictional worlds.

But according to my screenshots, I eventually came back to MSQ after I made a safe return to Summerfold Farms from Costa del Sol on the same day. Here I ran around the area, helping to get people to work and to make sure the oranges got delivered in time. Then time came to investigate a grotto nearby...

I am the waves that bear. I am the winds that guide. I am the evening stars. I am the morning sky. I am born of the sea. And there shall I die.

As my character turned around, he saw a peculiar white-haired catgirl approach... what was the race's name again? Meekotee?... Mino...te? Ah, right, "miqo'te". A white-haired miqo'te woman with a branch for a weapon approached me, mentioning something about the way the citizens of Limsa Lominsa live with the wordes carved into the stone in the middle of the grotto. But before she could say more, a giant rock-like monster ran inside the cave and we had to fight it.

This was my introduction to instanced duties. I don't really remember seeing those in MMOs I've played through before, but maybe I am misremembering or something, but it definitely felt new to me. Either way, we made a quick work of the frenzied goobbue (that's the name of the rock monster from what I've gathered later) and it seemed to have dropped something... some blue crystal, to be precise. Pi picked it up, the head started to hurt, and then he seemingly got transported into a dark void.

Some weird sigil appeared underneath my character's feet, and the blue crystal got inserted into one of the six slots. "Aha, we need to collect those to progress the story", - I thought immediately, because I was already familiar and comfortable with that sort of progression in other games.

Then the dark skies clouded, and stars begun to fall from above. I didn't understand yet what that meant, and frankly I didn't give it much significance at the time, because immediately after, I heard a familiar voice...

Hear... Feel... Think... Crystal bearer...

I am Hydaelyn. All made one.

A gargantuan crystal was now right in front of Pi as he floated through the void. The crystal introduced herself as Hydaelyn, and told my character to go banish the Darkness with the power that was now bestowed to him, and soon after, he left the place to return back to the grotto.

This was the first scene that captivated me in a way. It's nothing special, but the huge shiny crystal of light talking to me with a gentle, almost motherly voice really did make me go "woah" at it all first time I saw it.

Also right then my friends asked how far was I into the story, and once I told them I talked to a giant crystal, they...

The player of the self-proclaimed Emo Catboy: That's mom, don't forget her. The player of the stern-looking Auri man: Yeah that's mom. Say hi to her for me.

"A mom, huh? Sure enough, I will keep it in mind", - was my reaction, and I continued the MSQ. Ended up finding out that one dude who couldn't delived the oranges in time had gone to a cave with his pals and got beaten up by some Serpent Reavers guys who knew him previously. I had shown up quickly enough, the dude's head was still on his shoulders, and I did find it funny these grown-ass guys just didn't laugh outloud at a little child with chubby little body, but again, lalafells are just dwarves of this universe so they have to be used to seeing them.

Some Organization XIII looking ass then does an evil chant (and you know it's evil because it's written in red), summons a Golem and scares Serpent Reavers off. Pi fights and successfully defeats it, the black hooded guy vanishes and the white-haired miqo'te from earlier arrives to help the beaten up guy with the relation to Reavers. Then Pi's head suddenly starts to hurt and... a scene change occurs? The woman is in Limsa, going around the city, but...

...the lesser moon, Dalamud, that fell from heavens the five years ago, was still in the sky.

Oh my god, we can now look into others' memories for different characters' flashbacks, dope.

Either way, once Pi wakes up, the miqo'te woman gets a call from someone. Sure, medival fantasy with walkie-talkies, I will take it. And before she goes, she introduces herself as Y'shtola. Now, it took me a while to figure out how to actually read it, originally I thought it was "Ee-shtoe-lah", but it was actually "Yash-toe-lah" all this time. It's a nice name.

After going back and forth for a next hour or so, I decided to end this playsession. I picked it up the next day. My friends wondered if I was enjoying the game so far and I replied with an "yes, but running around on foot is tiring". That's when the person controlling the white-haired lizard man decided to "Uber" me.

The fact they chose a bike and then decided to take off into the skies made me think of Harry Potter lol.

But yeah, we got around MSQ much quicker that way. They also showed me a few other mounts like a giant gorilla and a flying armchair that made me think so much about Dist from Tales of the Abyss lol. Then my other friend joined and was helping me with the enemies while chilling and chatting with two of us over VC. He too was a Free Trial player at the time.

Now, nothing much of note had happened during that time. We (Pi and Y'shtola) fought the hooded guy again and killed him. He left behind a purple crystal that I didn't really want to pick up (but my character was interested in it), but it had disintegrated before my lalafell could touch it.

After that I had my first encounter with the Admiral of Limsa Lominsa and... hoo boy, she was testing myself. I am sorry, but that woman is incredibly badass and I wouldn't mind it at all if she was my companion for the rest of my life. Anyways, she acknowledged Pi's recent successes and invited him to a banquet, where she found out Pi was like one of those legendary Warriors of Light who no one remembers but to whom the entirety of Eorzea owes their lives to, all because of the crystal from Hydaelyn. And then another headache happens to show a flashback back from the time Battle at Carteneau occured. It had a lot of characters I haven't seen yet, but I knew I will meet them eventually because they seemed too important to be already dead lol.

Once Pi woke up, he got told that Admiral has a mission for him, a mission that requires one to travel to different capitals - Gridania and Ul'dah, which were the other starting cities.

And thus we took off into the air and traveled to the lands beyond...

Next Entry >>

[were-michael]

Uncle

Henry Emily stared at his old friend's home. The Afton household looked dull, cold, reflecting the tragedy that befell the residents that once lived inside.

Police tape flowed gently in the light breeze. They had abandoned the investigation. Why? Henry was still fighting for that answer

The man found the door to the home unlocked, revealing the abandoned family home. Everything had been left. Like nothing had been touched.

Maybe something here could give some closure to what happened to his friend, his family and maybe even Henry's own daughter. He hated the thought but all signs pointed to William being the killer.

Henry rummaged through old cupboards, bedrooms and filing cabinets

Nothing.

That left the basement. Michael had told him William vanished in there a lot. Evan added to that, stating he heard weird noises at night from the basement

William's workshop.

The man had always claimed to have one but never let Henry see it. It worried Henry but he respected his business partner's privacy

Tense with anxiety, Henry slowly pushed open the door to the basement. The dark staircase greeting him.

The man slowly descended into the basement. He was greeted with a sight that was the complete opposite of the upper half of the house.

The place had been trashed. Paper had been made into a carpet as it sprawled over the cold, blood stained floor.

That was another thing. There was dry blood. Stained over the floor, desk and what looked liked a ruined chair

What had William been doing here?

Henry crouched down to the paper cover floor and picked up one of the loose sheets.

Scribbled notes had been written on it. Rants about something called Remnant and the diner.

It froze Henry to his core. Had the business he and William worked so hard for just a lab experiment?

He rummaged through the desk's drawers finding mainly scrap metal and random tools. An odd mess for such an organised man.

Then his hand hit something. Paper, it felt like. A stack of it. A file.

Henry pulled it out and was greeted with the word "Failed" in bold red pen.

Yet up in the corner it stated RE-001 BR

Some sort of test?

Henry placed it on the table and opened it wide. He read the first page. William was going on some rant about eternal life and how he could discover it.

Then the next page went on about animals and their Remnant, a substance William had apparently discovered. One someone could collect after the death of something living.

Then there was the diary entry

October 25th 1983

I have successfully gained some Remnant.

I harvested the substance from a bear cub that had given its life to my research. I am one step closer to my success thanks to the animal.

Now, to get the subject in place.

Henry's confusion only grew. William killed a cub before all of this and for what? Some substance he believed would make him Immortal.

Afton had always been strange but this was taking it to a new level. Henry's friend, business partner, was insane

He flipped the page.

October 27th 1983

Remnant Experiment 1. Bear Experiment.

Subject was reluctant to help. He's always been like that. Gets it from his father. Stubbornness.

He fought back but I was able to get the Remnant in place. His body accepted it nicely at first, healing anything it could.

Then the change began. He began to shift into a bear-human hybrid. It was interesting to say the least but not the result I wanted.

Do not use animal Remnant again. Michael was bound to be a disappointment anyway.

Michael? William's own son? The man Experimented on his own son?!

Henry could feel his blood boil. Not only had William potentially killed people but he Experimented on his son like he was some form of lab rat.

That's when Henry heard a noise behind him. A clang of metal.

A snarl of an animal was heard after.

The man turned to see a brown bear huddled into the corner. Shredded clothing, leftover food and a blanket lay by its paws.

It looked scared. A chain had been tied around it.

Henry could believe what he was seeing. It was exactly how William described. A Bear-human hybrid.

"Michael?" Henry called out to the creature.

The bear's ear twitched as it cried out.

"Jesus Christ" Henry gasped. "What did he do to you?"

The bear or Michael rather, sniffed the air and cried when he smelt something new. Henry couldn't imagine how long he was down here

"It's ok, Mike. It's me" Henry slowly approached the boy. "It's Henry"

Michael slowly approached and sniffed Henry's hand, crying more when he realised who it was.

"It's ok, Michael. Let's get you out of here" Henry spoke, moving to the chain. Michael carefully watched him as he unwrapped the chain around his leg.

As soon as the chain left, Michael leaned down and began licking his back leg much like how a dog would.

"There we go, Mike" Henry said softly.

Michael then let out a loud yell, making the man jump back.

Horrifyingly, the bear began morphing back into the boy. His bones and body parts cracking and reshaping.

There, laying in front of Henry, was a scared bare Michael Afton.

"Holy shit" Henry gasped. He quickly took off his long coat and wrapped it around the teen.

Michael looked up at Henry, tears staining his eyes.

"It hurts" Michael began. "It hurts so much, Uncle Henry"

His voice was harsh, dry, and painful. He sobbed.

"I just want it to stop" Michael cried. "Why me? Why did he do this to me?"

Henry pulled the teen into his arms and was quick to console him.

"You're ok, Michael. I've got you. You're safe now, ok? Ill take you home and I'll watch over you" Henry spoke. "Is that alright?"

Michael nodded almost instantly.

"Come on then. Let's get you home"