#sorry. like i said earlier i. am feeling good . so so much better. dont feel like. pulling away from everyonr and everything and rotting.

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

See. It's like I know that if something makes you happy then it isn't a stupid purchase because it makes you happy. But man just hearing an outside source say it is different. Brain and the power of validation or something.

Anyway, apperently the little Dr.C Fingz can't be shipped in an envelope because the post office won't allow something that isn't completely flat. This information and me asking my co-worker what his rule of thumb for buying something stupid is which lead to the "if it makes you happy then it isn't stupid"

[kaivenom]

I have a funny idea! One piece Dilfs with a reader with tinnitus! Like mine can be so bad I can’t hear much because the noise for like 10 minutes. But , the dilfs don’t know the reader has tinnitus so they just think the readers giving them the cold shoulder ignoring them and looking slightly pissed off

Btw if you didn’t know tinnitus is just where you get the ringing noise in your ear a lot basically

OP Dilfs with a reader who has tinnitus

Characters: Doflamingo, Mihawk, Crocodile, Smoker, Shanks

Warnings: a little bit allusions of sex, but almost invisible.

A/N: this in fact, is a really curious request, i've never heard of this issue. Thanks for explain it to me, i really appreciate it. I hope you do good.

Masterlist

Dracule Mihawk

He decides to give you space, maybe a little too much space.

He doesn't know what he did to upset you but surely there was something.

He tried to get your attention a couple of times, but got no answer from your part so instead of making it worse, he decided to step aside.

He decided to not sleep on your shared room that night.

For your part, you were completely oblivious about his attempts of catching your attention, and then you didn't saw him in all afternoon.

Then, he didn't come to your bed at night, and you started to feel really sad.

First the tinnitus attack and now this, your day couldn't be worse.

You cried a little in bed, hoping that tomorrow was better.

THe next day, you found him, finally.

"Why didn't you come to bed yesterday?"

"Now you talk to me?"

"What i did wrong i..." and then you thought.

"You ignored me yesterday whne i talked to you, i believed that you were angry so i stepped aside."

"I am sorry, i didn't planed on ignoring you... sometimes i just heard noise from nowhere, i supose you talked me thru that."

"That's why you also had that angry face?"

"Yes..." you looked defeated.

Mihawk went to your side and hugged you, promising on reading the signs better next time.

Donquixote Doflamingo

He takes it as a personal offense.

Expect him to start doing macabre plans just to do your attention.

Yell, be cruel, call you names, follow you... even torture someone in front of you, every thing he could think that would make you so much that you pay attention to him.

And still, you don't look at him and go on your day like he isn't there.

Then he got to his limit and decided to cross the line he swore he wouldn't do, he pushed you onto the corridor.

"What the .... why did you do that?" you felt betrayed.

"What is wrong with YOU, you hadn't paid attention to me on a fucking hour."

"You talked to me?"

"Of course i..."

And then the ring increased so much for a moment that you had to cover your ears, then it stoped.

"What..."

"Sometimes my ears go crazy and i only hear noise."

"Good point, the next time i will just touch your shoulder."

"Doffy, what have you done..." he smiled and you feared the worse.

Sr. Crocodile

He is always a very cautious, calm and presentable man, but...

When he has been calling you for half an hour and you don't answer the den den mushi he starts to be suspicious.

He calls your again a couple of times and thinks: you said you were going to be at home all day cause you weren't feeling really good, and he didnt do anything wrong.

He gets home earlier, with many gifts to try and compensate any posible mistake.

When you didn't come to welcome him he stars to panic a little more.

Calls your name thru the house and nothing.

Then, he finally found you, laying the couch and reading.

"Oi, why don't you answer the calls." you dont look at him.

The previous worry starts to become angryness, how can you be so calm when he was having a heart attack all day?

He grabs the collar of your shirt and you finally aknowledge his presence.

He pulls you pu, much to your surprise, and kisses you angrily.

Not that you are going to complain but was for free.

"Don't you ever ignore me again, or i am going to punish you."

"I can't hear you, my hears are beeping"

And you had to explain him, while he was with the most amazed look ever.

Smoker

He always found weird that with your training and skills, you work on files.

There has been a couple of times when he comes to your desk to ask you for information and also talk to you, sometimes you have an episode, but short.

So he doesn't know.

Then, one day you are reorganizing some of the files on the archive, in a different section, one that has a grid.

So he tries to get your attention, but nothing, he asks, he raises his voice, he dings the doorbell and nothing.

You appear on his eye sight but still dont turn around to him.

He even thinks about going to get your superior to open the grid for him so he can go inside and aproach you.

He starts to get anxious and really nervous, until you finally go to the counter.

"Oh, hey, handsome..." your mood raises cause the noise finally stopped and he was there, the best combo.

"Don't tell me handsome, i've been calling you for five minutes, i saw you right in front of me... if you are mad for something then tell me. I won't tolerate that our mods get in our works."

You suddently felt really bad and explained to him all the thing. His expresion finally started to soften.

"So that's why you don't go into missions."

"Yeah," you hand him the files.

"Sorry, i will be more patient." he kisses you thru the counter.

Akagami Shanks

Another noisy one.

He thinks you are doing some kind of payback for a previous joke.

He starts doing an agressive-defensive kind of behaviour.

He ignores you and then he yells at you for your attention, he starts tossing you.

"What are you doing?"

"I am trying to get your attention cruel one, why aren't you paying attention to me?"

"What?" the beep on your ear gets worse, "I can't hear you, my ears are doing noises."

"Really?"

"What?"

Then he gets a paper sheet and starts writing. After explaining to him, he finally understood.

From that time, he got a little more patient and carefull when you have these episodes.

Instead of tossing or yelling at you, he starts kissing and hugging you.

He even tells you to do an especial sign for him when you are on public

[john-does-middle-finger]

Part 52 Live Finger Reaction

except i have patreon so i've listened to most of this already (y'all are NOT ready for the interlude) and also i forgot to start typing until several minutes in lol

SPOILERS FOR PART 52 BELOW

i'm so proud of arthur for catching on so quickly. side note---i love the moments in malevolent when arthur knows more about what's going on than john does despite john having their sight. just a neat flip when you look back on the earlier seasons

"why am i here??" me every day fr john

need me a woman who'll put maggots in me

that's right john open your third eye

thank you harlan for our monthly arthur whimpering podcast

OUGH I FORGOT HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS MOMENT WAS. THEM BOTH SEEING THE STARS. I BETTER SEE SO MUCH FUCKING FANART OF THIS.

okay john maybe making trains is hard...

okay hamilton

which one of you was the damn fool that shot him then mr. "i thought you were my purpose"

arthur in hell for homosexuality (too many hoes in New York)

oh there he goes falling again. all men are the same.

it was difficult to put the nightmare together

BUT IM ONLY HUMAN AFTER ALL!!!

oh arthur...you weren't there for that poll buddy...

i love how gentle john is with arthur sometimes

fr? ong? just like that? we're awake?

arthur...snookums...dont...

it's not a rock. it's a stone!

harlan thank you for your footstep sound effects and also more of arthur laughing

oh lilith...

quick headcanon that arthur can generally feel where john is and every now and then he'll lean against him for a moment of rest. anyway. pick up that toenail or whatever

go on arthur. that's a fragment of a god! you can change her! make her a new person! give her a new name! name it spike or some shit.

maybe it was on purpose?? considering...idk. likely not though unless lilith really is that good at acting

go on arthur collect your freaky fingers.

nuh uh john that was a great idea and an excellent vote

sopping wet cat antoine

damn arthur you really do doomed yaoi with every guy you meet. except the yaoi is minimal and the doom is maximal.

arthur...i love you for caring so much

"was i kind?" HARLAN WHEN I GET YOU.

"a friend's love can carry you through the worst of life's trials and tribulations" I KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, ARTHUR LESTER. side note can we get this man a middle name i want to use his full legal name for science purposes and also to yell at him

JOHN we just had an IMPORTANT and LOVING character death DO NOT EVEN BRING THIS UP.

SEE JOHN. EARNED IT. IF ONLY...well...y'know...it lasted...no rest for the wicked or whatnot.

THIS REVEAL GOT ME SO FUCKING BAD BECAUSE WHAT DO YOU MEAN "maybe the blackstone was the friends we made along the way" WAS RIGHT.

YORICK. OH, YORICK...yorick i'm so fucking sorry

hello arthur, apologies for the deception. kayne here, vsauce stone! idk man

watching the wager (song) get released after the full episode dropped on patreon was so fucking wild

^watching people say "i hope we see kayne again soon!" after knowing the ending of this episode. my pookies...my blorbos...my yoricks...

"oh lose the get up honey" bro fr said "you're not going out in that."

footstep sounds x 2

yorick you never did anything wrong and i forgive you for everything except there isn't even anything to forgive! YORICK MY MOST DEARLY BELOVED

fruit of my loins. buddy you are the fruit

i believe you yorick

LEAVE THAT LITTLE GUY ALONE

YORICK. MY SHAYLA. MY SHAYLA. IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RECOVER FROM THAT THE FIRST TIME. AND NOW AGAIN...oh my god...

listening to this on 2.5x speed is so funny. specifically because of kayne

me when im in a disguising my desperation competition and my opponent is kayne (im losing so bad)

arthur dont you ever fucking say that shit again.

KAYNE'S LAUGH IN 2.5x.

i was losing it at the description of the blackstone so fucking much

NOEL!!! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL! NOEL MY FUCKING GOAT RAHHHHH

this poll. this fucking poll. had me stressing so fucking hard.

oh the fanfics are going to go SO fucking hard with this new arthur lore.

kayne i love your painfully obvious ploy at emotional manipulation because you have no actual power

i am so happy the poll ended up with lilith. choosing hope and all that yknow, as much as i love kayne

benevolent canon

arthur. arthur no. arthur you know these promises won't be enough. arthur please. ARTHUR.

was? am? john, my most dearly beloved

kayne please don't make life with soaking wet bloody dogs

MY SHAYLA

but kayne what is joy if you know nothing else? ugh

god i remember tweaking out so fucking hard during this ending. my shaylas. my pookies. everything.

"i forgive you" arthur i love you. john i love you. kayne i love you but i will never forgive you. still love your zest for...not really life but yknow.

MY SHAYLA x3

i was so worried john was going to make another deal here and i'm so glad he didn't.

anyways

the interlude is so fun harlan i'm begging you to release it soon (preferably tomorrow) (as a post finals treat) (for me specifically) (please) (please) (i need to yap about it)

[pabit]

[corrupted footage]

OH WOW. THESE COOKIES REALLY ARE FUCKING AWESOME. WELL DONE, COWBOY!

Haha, thank you thank you. I’m hoping this can cheer you up a little…you’ve had quite an emotional day.

EMOTIONAL? I'M NOT EMOTIONAL.

Really…? Sorry sweetheart, but I’ve read back on your posts from earlier today and…it seems to me like you’re full of those stinkin’ feelings, actually! 

YEAH, NO FUCKING DUH. I SAID I'M NOT “E-MO-TION-ALLL”…YA DIG? I DON'T WAIL LIKE A WENCH AT EVERY LITTLE INCONVENIENCE. BUT THAT'S NOT TO SAY I HAVE ZERO CAPACITY FOR “FEELINGS” EITHER. IT'S TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. SO DONT PISS ME OFF.

Oh fine. Let’s get serious then.

What about other feelings? In your story about Vinny, you said you had felt something there but couldn’t figure out what.

(HABIT swallows the rest of the food in his mouth and pauses his vigorous feasting to stare down into the cookie plate)

…FUCK. WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE, PATRICK. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME TO CHEER UP…THIS TOPIC WON'T BE CONDUCIVE TO THAT END.

I am sincerely trying to help you, Habs, that's my angle. The fact is, I can cheer you up with small gestures that will certainly make you feel good for the moment, but you wont feel any better overall by refusing to talk about the shit that's dragging you down. 

…UGH. I GUESS YOU ARE RIGHT, BUT… VINNY IS DEAD – NONE OF THOSE FEELINGS FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE, PAT. THEY PROBABLY NEVER DID. WHAT MORE IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?

Ah. That’s the part that haunts you isn’t it; the “probably” of it all. You’re uncertain, still confused about what happened here – what went wrong. And most importantly, you want to know why.

Am I correct?

……

Hm. 

………………….

Not going to answer me? Fine, fuck it. This is how I see it:

You became attached to this guy like ya never could with anyone else in the whole fuckin universe, Habit. And it felt so good to do so. You let yourself become lost in a fantasy; anticipating the thrill of having Vinny fumble over himself to keep you interested. Or how grateful he would be, to be the one entrusted with building you back up after every great fall; and you fall hard and often. You could crush him utterly and have him back in the next life. Vinny is much smarter and much stronger than he looks, and just as obsessive in his own ways…so he’d climb out of the rubble and do it all over again, just because he can; just because he wants to.

Oh yes…you and him would have grown so much stronger together, enough to take on the whole damn planet someday if you guys really tried. And you wanted that so badly. A monster-man and a man-made monster, gleefully kicking up the dust of all the world’s ashes, readying it for her new rulers: Vinny and the Habit, side by side, hand in hand, blood on blood.

It was a wonderfully childish ideal to believe in all that though, wasn't it? Even after all you’ve done for him, Vin betrayed you; taking all of those unspoken dreams and unfulfilled desires along with him as he dies to a fucking papercut.

So much time spent with him…now made completely pointless. So many pieces of your mind, heart, and body gifted to him, just to carelessly toss you to the curb when you weren’t looking…

It’s easier on a broken heart to deny that it’s broken in the first place. It's easier to fall in line when the numbness takes hold, and mindlessly insist that none of it matters; never did, never will. There's no reason to cry over spilled milk as they say. It's no big deal. It’s all just part of the game. Vinny was meant to be nothing more than a pawn on your board anyways. But he was indeed more than just that to you, wasn’t he?

Vin softened you and left you exposed to a world that won’t ever accept what you'll become even after he is gone; and he won’t be coming back, not this time. You and him made sure of it by bringing those awful weapons to life on that chilly fall evening before the end of the world. Your last full day together; where everything else in the universe ceased to exist beyond the confines perpetuated by two desolate dreamers; a warm fire at his legs; the melody of ghosts crowding around, crying out towards the inky sky above; beautiful and tragic all the same. You must have seen that in him, too.

After the end of it all, you got out alive and he did not. You didn’t win the game nor Vinny’s companionship, but you survived…and just barely.

Vinny is dead. 

And when that harsh reality slaps you across the face, you know you will never be allowed to forget the price you’ve paid, with suffering and with fire, for the loyalty that Vin never actually intended to give you. Now you’re covered with those scars. Razor sharp claws have sunk themselves deeply into you and won't let go. However…to whom do these claw marks belong to? Vinny; for betraying your trust and destroying your dreams? Or yourself; for letting him do it so easily…?

Why did you go back to your old sinking vessel, Habit?

Were you really so tempted by the belief that not taking Evan’s corpse would otherwise be wasteful? A shame?

Were you inspired by the discolored splotches painting decaying flesh in dull greys and blues; admiring the texture of his flesh canvas, well-weathered by the rain and the hungry mouths of all the tiny critters that feast happily upon each wrinkle?

Did the overwhelming smell of iron from all that ghastly bloodspill soaking into the ground below, brought up in the wafts of wet earth and wild mountain grasses, bring a wistful tear to your eye? 

Was Evan really worth all of that to you…?

…

No.

You weren’t there for Evan at all, I think. He was more of an afterthought if anything. It was Vinny you wanted to see though. And I believe that’s why you made the impulsive decision to repossess his friend’s body; it was the only way to be there at Vin’s side and feel him next to you, just one last time.

Then you ran away to avoid the consequences.

...........................................................................

>>

[gordonfreemanreal]

okay so im gonna ramble a bit but probably not that much but tldr all the homestuck timetravel is bullshit and giving me a headache but thats ok because i love the characters a lot

(edit i just realized how long this is so im putting it under a readmore ur welcome)

okay so like i said the timetravel stuff is SO CONFUSING!!! why do all the trolls do the time trolling bullshit in different ways i Cannot keep up. whagever. i really like karkat and tavros and terezi and kanaya (my partner told me their names because i cant be assed to remember their handles)

i really love the beta kids so much they're so cutesit and i love their friendship they make me smile. i got a little emo when john was remembering dave's letter to him for his bday and decided to listen 2 him. snifflessss theyre FRIENDSSSS THEYRE FRIENDS!! they tust eachother

also even though the time bs is confusing i do like davesprite a lot. but also i like dave a lot so. unsurprising.

also i can feel this thing taking root in my brain. like. i know i have befriended a lot of ex-homestuck or current homestuck fans that probably affected the way i type but WOW IT IS ON FULLY FUCKIN DISPLAY HERE HUH.

also my ex totally used to kinda kintype as tavros and that affected the way i type so. go figure. but i dont really type like that anymore so. thats good

im getting wholly off track but thats ok. voiceacting with my partner is so fun and it makes the experience ten BILLION times better i prommy do this with your loved ones. or dont because this shit takes months to get thru apparantly. unfortunately you all Will be hearing more from me abt homestuck because its brainworms are taking root in my skull. or brain whatever

even the intermission was kinda fun even if it was a little boring...but it was important apparantly so. it ok. i liked doing a fucking shitty trans atlantic accent the whole time for narration.

also im probably not going to class today because i stayed up reading homestuck LOLLLL thats ok tho i can still get work done from home

WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION terezi trying to kill (and also kinda of succeeding at) killing john was nuts. but also i think she felt bad abt it so its ok ?? its hard to get a read on some of the characters cause im terrible at reading sarcasm and knowing when someones insincere...

its ok thats why i have my partner the homestuck master to tell me whats going on

sorry this liveblog is kind of a mess im just rambling what im thinkin and im not going back and editing stuff because it is 7:30 am at the time of writing this section

also homestuck is super gay i like that. i didnt expect it to come to early on but i must give it props. for 2010 its surprisingly progressive even if the characters are saying the r slur like every 5 pages. product of its time i suppose..

also its cool seeing earlier toby fox works i love thatguy hes cool deltarune tomorrow or whatever. anyways uhh we stopped at like where dave just got to his medium and john is farting around on his cool jet pack so. if this wall of text was not sufficient and u want 2 ask me my thoughts on the stuff thats come up thus far send me a message or an ask or whatever ok i love you all.

peas

[frankiefridayyy]

tw vents

ive been feelin kinda ugly lately...

i hardly ever get acne on my face n i have some on my chin n forehead bc i lost my workout headband so my hair gets sweatier now and makes my face get acne

every time i look in the mirror i just look so fat too

i know if i didnt have curves id look so much more like a boy

i want to be healthy

but i dont eat enough even tho i eat what i think is good for three meals a day if i work out any more than i am now i get to an unhealthy weight but if i worked out more id be skinnier but i cant

i thought i grew past this but it turns out that im still doing what people i deeply admire think i should for my body. eat more than usual bc they like thicker thighs. i didnt even realize i didn't like my chest until last year a few months after my abuser left me bc she liked it and so i did too. but i feel so gross now

i just wish i could be healthy and pretty to me but im not

i know most if not all of you will tell me that i am pretty

but i dont think ive ever truly felt pretty to me

i appreciate the compliments of course and they do make me happy

but ive never felt joy from looking at myself

im not sure i will until i get top surgery and lose a lot of weight healthily

i just want to be happy in this flesh prison

i dont even think of this body as mine

i do my best to ignore it

i try not to look in the mirror much

its part of the reason i wear my outfits

the cute clothes help me feel cute even though i never truly do

i think it's part of the reason why i want a partner

when im in love with someone i'll believe most anything they tell me which isnt healthy and im trying to do better but it still happens so i think id believe it if they said i was pretty but then again like i mentioned earlier id just do whatever they thought would be pretty for me

i hate my body

why couldnt i have been one of the naturally skinny trans masc people

im sorry for ranting

im not sure if it even helps me

a not really related thing but i want a partner so badly. i know ive said it a lot but i feel honestly depressed bc of all the unhealthy relationships

i just want a healthy relationship for once

i want someone to love me as much as i love them

that never happens

i need someone i love to actually stay

they never stay

im so heartbroken

but its my fault too

im not sure if i could ever be enough

i try so hard to not hurt the people i love the most

but they're the ones that end up getting the most hurt because of me

what's wrong with me

why cant i have a healthy relationship

i always put everything i can into relationships

they never seem to notice though

its like they expect me to do everything

and they did stuff too

they all put up with me when i messed up

i need someone to love me so much they wont leave unless it's toxic

i just want a health relationship

ive tried so hard

why dont i get one

i want someone to hold me and be able to tell when im sad even if i dont say anything and i want to make someone personalized gifts all the time and they actually appreciate it and i want someone to protect me when i cant do that and i want someone to love me so much

but i dont have that

im scared i never will have someone that loves me like i love them

every relationship that ive had makes me feel unlovable now especially with that person. i put my all into that relationship and she was using me and i didnt even realize

i loved her so much

ive loved every partner ive had so so so much

but i mess up as much as i love them

i dont mean to

i dont understand boundaries and if i do know someone's boundaries it's hard for me to tell if what im doing is okay or not

i just want someone to genuinely romantically love me

is that so much to ask?

[flandrepudding]

doll collection post

Hi guyz!! so somebody asked me to post my doll collection a while back and I put it off because i'm trying to rearrange my setup but its taking much longer than expected due to irl stuff.

But I dont wanna wait anymore! Feel free to just scroll through the pictures, you don't have to read the commentary if you don't want to. In fact you don't have to scroll through any of this at all. I wrote a lot because I am severely neurodivergent. Having a genuine blogging moment rn.

I have been waiting forever for an excuse to post my collection!! I was so happy someone suggested I do so.

I don't have a lot of room for everybody! Everyone is scattered around my room, but I try my best to display them nicely...

My G1 collection is moderately sized, these dolls are expensive and difficult to find. There are so many more I want, like Dead Tired Lagoona or Sweet 1600 Draculaura to go with my Sweet 1600 Clawdeen...sigh. But it just keeps getting harder! I am actually content with stopping my G1 collecting hunt for now and instead focusing on G3... Many of these dolls are from my dear friends, especially Leo and Raven (hi guyz!). Without my friends, I would only have three of these dolls... I am so lucky to be so loved!!!

I don't have many bratz that are in good enough shape to be on display. I really grew up on bratz rather than monster high... but again...these dolls get expensive! Roxxi was always a favorite of mine and a crush! Growing up, I was the type of kid who almost exclusively wanted one brat though. Yasmin. Not Cloe, Jade, or Sasha. I was devoted to collecting Yasmin because she looked similar to me. In retrospect, I really wish I had gotten more of the other girls...I do have some...though their numbers pale in comparison to the Yasmin army.

The ball-jointed doll is my most expensive doll and my largest doll (she is fucking ginormous). Even when buying her at half the original price (great deal from a great friend) she was hardly affordable.

I bought her because I plan on customizing her to be Flandre Scarlet, my ultimate comfort character! I've always dreamed of having a doll of Flan. SO why not make one myself? I've had her for months but am still too scared to cut that beautiful hair off...I'm no good at cutting wigs/hair in general. I did install her red eyes myself which I've never done before as this is my first and probably last bjd! She is gorgeous but I would consider these dolls luxury items... VERY EXPENSIVE.

(idk why the exposure is so high on these, sorry!! >_<;)

I am so happy to have the coffin bean playset!! I think it was a really good idea to get it. but I am so sad because I have hardly any room for it! So It's sitting on my dresser in front of a giant mirror so please excuse the poor editing I did to obscure the reflection of me and my living space lol...

I gave my Twyla low pigtails, though they aren't very visible, and my Clawdeen braids! I think Clawdeen looks super cute this way tbh I tried curling her hair again and again and again but the curls always fell out (I dont have much experience)...but honestly... I think I like this look even better ^_^. You can see her ears so well this way.

This Clawdeen is basically my holy grail and it was gifted to me by Leo, Leo if you're reading this I hope you know you are basically Jesus.

not to get deep but the OMG doll next to her is special to me because it is one of the last gifts I got from my late Grandpa. He took me to target and when I said I liked the doll, no questions asked, he bought her for me. Didn't give me shit for liking dolls at my big age. He simply got her for me because she made me happy, and he wants me to be happy. Dolls can mean so much. Again, I am so lucky to be so loved!!! >:D

I have this gorgeous Draculaura just chilling next to my jewelry cuz I have nowhere else to put her and honestly she is gorgeous and should stand alone.

Here I have the pride Bratz next to my bed!!! They mean so much to me, as I said earlier I had a crush on Roxxi. To see she's a canon lesbian now is so incredible!! And Nevra, her girlfriend, is beautiful! They are so cute together... they are never leaving that box though. This was actually the first doll/set of dolls where I fully understood why people are content leaving dolls in their boxes. I love to play with my dolls so much... but I could never play with these two!! If anything happened to them I would lose my mind.

Now... you're probably thinking......where the hell is Lagoona?!?! Do you not have one despite loving her this much? Of course I have a Lagoona. I AM GROWING AN ARMY!!!!!!

I really, really love Lagoona...I want to get every Lagoona doll I possibly can. Isn't she so cute! I relate to her character in the cartoon a lot too... her life at home, her difficulties speaking up when she is sad or angry, her sporty personality, etc etc... She has quickly claimed her spot as biggest comfort character #2. I included many pictures because I simply cannot pick one, she is flawless. You might recognize the Lagoona on the left, I drew her in that exact pose recently!!

I have her army on my desk, giving me the strength I need to get through my work... like Homer Simpson with his pictures of baby Maggie at his work. I get endless inspiration and motivation from Lagoona!!!

And here is the Flandre shrine bonus... I adore her!! I also have finally ordered a fumo flan that should arrive in august around my birthday eeek!!!

Anyways that is my collection. It's been many years in the making, though it's almost doubled since monster high G3 released... Mattel truly has me by the balls right now. If you read any of this, thank you. I put a lot of time into making this post, and it was really fun. I feel like a real blogger right now.

I really really enjoy dolls and talking about them. So I will happily do so anytime I get the chance!!! Will probably do an update once I finally install some more shelves and move stuff around <3

[theskyexists]

The golden enclaves

Ok so i like how this starts with: Orion has been unutterably stupid

Please tell me that we will find out why

This was devastating.

But also WHY IS ORION SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT HE PROMISED TO GO WITH HER AND INSTEAD HE MADE HER LOSE HIM FOR NO REASON TO A FUCKING MAWMOUTH LIKE HER DAD WAS FUCKING LOST BUT NOT KILLED BECAUSE THE VICTIMS DONT DIE THEYRE DIGESTED FOREVER IN ETERNAL PAIN Jezus Naomi god it really is horrific what is up with this

Also, and I say this with absolute extreme disdain, El seriously only just now realised that she has perfect combat synergy with Orion and she COULD have destroyed Patience and freed her father from the eternal torment of being digested? Like......seriously? Did Liesel not even realise this, who is the only one with any brains? (I realise that Liesel at least had different priorities)

Also I am going to explain Orion's craziness and personality change in book 2 as such: he didn't have any mals to eat and so he went mad. He decided, like the piece of shit that he is, that he'd prefer to do months of battle against mals because at least he wouldn't be hungry.

The funny thing is that book 2 ESTABLISHED that El has ZERO absolutely ZERO idea of what goes on in Orion's head. Like. She doesn't get him AT ALL. So her prevaricating on how he's so misunderstood and pushed to be what everybody sees in him - he ALREADY TOLD YOU HE JUST LOVES EATING MALS HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR ANYTHING HE JUST LOVES EATING MALS EL STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND PROJECTING YOUR OWN SHIT ON THIS POOR BOY

She's literally comparing herself to him again. Look he was a hero and I was an evil witch. Everybody thought that and wanted that from us. EL HE DIDNT FUCKING CARE OK????? Worse, (and it makes sense in this moment), she somehow threads her mum's direct look at his soul into this narrative as some kind of reinforcement of it. He didn't care El. He didn't care. He's just a hungry boy.....

In fact, I cannot remember her classmates ever hating El. Because....they didn't even know she was fated to be an evil witch archetype? They just avoided her bc she wasn't an asset to their survival they thought which was so absurdly idiotic since EL IS A GODDAMN MAL EXTERMINATOR and she never told anyone because of her stupid fucking hangups she could have been a fucking prep and made everybody's lives so much better so much earlier

'because he thought it was his job to make a way out for everybody but him'

This is why I didn't like the second book so much. El is so obviously delusional about this guy.

I cannot STAND IT!!!! HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU HE HAS NO HERO COMPLEX EL!!!! YOU WERE HAVING YOUR LOVELY FIRST TRY AT SEX WITH THIS COOL GUY AND HE SAID: NAH EL. I JUST LIKE TO EAT!!! MALS!!!!!

And the weird thing is she GOT it. When she was getting his mana as he was zipping around pulverising them she was like: OH he loves this. I guess I was wrong. So why are we back here??? Or do I remember that wrong??

I've forgotten how the magic system works. Shit. Malia? Oh yeah.... There was some sort of prophecy. She was gonna bring the enclaves down and kill lots of people or soemthing. so why the fuck did they leave the payment open???

Oh yeaaaahhh the enclaves got hit

"She really did an excellent job of making it seem perfectly ludicrous for me to be living quietly in my own home instead of keeping close tabs on the latest news from international wizarding circles."

LOL

Can seriously nothing kill a mawmouth but El? How is that even POSSIBLE. How did enclaves ever work then? The moment a mawmouth gets in its over

How the fuck is Liesel THIS good at manipulating El. Oh my god.

Her saying: hey bitch, stop feeling sorry for yourself, your boyfriend being dead, no thank you by the way for saving all of ours lives, I don't care about your other problems, or that you might want a break from the horrors with your mum, also come help me out with the worst most insanely horrible creature in the world AGAIN because I know only you can do it. Bitch. Your house sucks

That worked....

She's going to London to fight another fucking Mawmouth - something her mother doesn't even KNOW SHES DONE YET - and leaves her behind without even a hug of goodbye. AFTER FOR YEARS OF TERROR. I honestly....I'm speechless. I started to suspect El was insanely dumb in book 2 but damn, she really is perhaps the dumbest protag I have ever known barring Korra

I love Liesel. Liesel saw El, FOR WHAT SHE WAS, and she CALLED HER OUT,, and said: you are such a stupid fucking idiot. In book 2. Thank god she's around. She's the only good thing out of book 2 really in my opinion. She says to El: you are insanely powerful. You could change the whole world. Now DO IT! Stop sniveling in the fucking dirt!

Ok there we go. There's my El. 'i eyed him in enormous irritation' her fucking disdain for the preps is my endless delight. Even to her enormous personal disadvantage.

Oh I see. It's like Naomi novik read my harry potter post about the wizards being the Fae.

I remember reinterpreting els prophecy into its super obvious good meaning but can't remember what it was.

How the fuck can Enclaves be based in Malia if that's not allowed (murder? But that's illegal.)

Oh what??? There's still working wizards out there working on keeping the enclave running??? Oh damn. Ok so the class hierarchy becomes explicitly about adult production.

Liesel made her angry again. Made El who she is again.

Why isn't everybody fucking fleeing dude??? Why are there still even people there? Grt the fuck out! The enclave is compromised! Get out with your damn lives you preps!

Oh my god. Go after it! It's fucking going after someone else!!! Oh my god go after it guys!!! IT WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM EL???? CAN MAWMOUTHS KNOW SUCH THINGS?

I have to say. Naomi made a deeply op protag and is now taking a more powerful hammer to the self-delusion that El mysteriously developed about her own power.

Liesel, impervious to El's natural intimidation vibes.

Oof i love all the delicate injustices and horrors in Liesel's life. Ok no. I no longer do. It's too painful

'“So it’s better to have power, and it’s stupid not to take it when you have the chance.'

Yeah. In fact. If I was Liesel I'd be beyond furious at El. Somebody so gifted, SO powerful, and she's just pissing it all away.

Jezus christ. Jezus christ! Liesel! A sensible person of intelligence????

Oh right. The prophecy. Killing thousands doom destruction. WHO IS GETTING KILLED EL COME ON THINK!!! THINK FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODSDAMNED LIFE!!!!! or tell Liesel about the stupid prophecy and she'll do it for you -_-

It was a nice thought though, letting the commuters into the garden but damn, yeah they're gonna obviously only be enthralled.

A TERTIARY ORDER ENTITY.

LIESEL WAS TRYING TO SNAG EL THE ELDRITCH WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE IS FOR HER HIGHLY EFFECTIVE POWER THROUPLE?

And I mean. Alfie is literally bound to El too. Wait. Is Orion actually not coming back...? Are we never getting answers? El's gonna fall for Alfie and Liesel? No....

Love how Liesel and Alfie protectively jump up and go: OUR entity. Lol

Oh ok so the compulsions off. She doesn't think he'd help her after she saved his dad, his home, oh yeah saved the whole school that he felt responsible for, and didn't even insist on keeping him as a slave.

I must admit, I did not at all expect El to be hanging out with Alfie and Liesel after all that. I thought, more like her team, but yeah they're not exactly in England. Isn't there travelling magic. Also I expect that Claire or whatever had a family member eaten by the mawmouth.

I was thinking that: won't commute from an enclave be really dangerous? So. Yes. But like. Why then even work for them. Oh ok so you could just go live in a villages with a few other wizards in a circle

Sometimes novik is not consistent about the vulnerability of adult wizards. But this description seems more apt.

Liesel coming in to say 'stop it!' to eldritch monster entity El like she isn't going over the deep end suddenly and very badly. And succeeding. And then getting Yancy to say what El wants to know. Wow they're a good team. I propose Orion/El/Liesel/Alfie super extreme power ..... Thing? Uh. Bridge structure?

El seriously is like: hm. Why is Liesel helping me now? Already turned her down....

El. You saved the whole school. You made that possible. You killed three MAWMOUTHS. You treat Liesel like a person you respect. You are a fucking entity who could do incredible things with a whole lot of help on the bits you suck so terribly at. Liesel owes you, thinks you're a good person, and is probably genuinely into you, also you need HELP. In so many damn ways. Being sensible, getting around in the world, being smart, getting it together.

Liesel has the most practical magic in the world. Wait. Holy fuck. Is Liesel like...Hermione???? Like powerful power top Hermione???

Wow. Damn. Amazing sex scene here. It makes me laugh in delight almost. Wow Liesel is an insanely stabilising influence. Literally kissing the trauma out of her head for a bit. (Edit: uh is there a fanfic version of this out there...?)

There was something so absolutely wrong with Orion and everybody kept trying to tell El and she never saw it because he became a person FOR HER. And she keeps trying to blame his family but his family probably endlessly tried to connect with him but he was just hunting mals. His father responding like this- just absolutely devastated over Orion finally having acted like a human being with somebody is enormous proof. Uh yeah and the rest of the chapter confirms this explicitly.

It really is harry potter but cooler and grittier and more horrifying and more interesting. Our dark'ness dementia ravenway.... The bit about how really witches when caught up in the witch hunt really can't get themselves out because the 'mundanes' negate it by the disbelief.... A direct reference to Rowling's note about witches making the fire tickle and going in for multiple rounds. Also the whimsical magic. But it doesn't have that magic to the magic. It's uneasy.

Man. So that's why novik repeated el's misconceptions of Orion in her time of grief. To finally disembowel them conclusively later in this book.

Yeah. The big question is. Why did Orion become a human being for El?

I love how aadhya and Chloe and Liesel are all instantly INSTANTLY like oh fuck El sees evil she's evil. They are still an extremely well oiled team

Ok but like, El could just grab new York's mana pool right. But yeah she'd become like ophelia

Lol right. By destroying so many mals ( i really didn't think the estimation had been 92 percent but ok) the enclaves lose their power. That's how El has already smashed them....

Oh wow. I forgot about that malia is stealing life force.... And mals come from Malia....

Which means.....that Ophelia is a huge maleficar and Orion is a big old mal. But she certainly is smart enough to say: we should look into reproducing what you did

Damn.ophelia is smart. She's really doing some magic economics

I really didn't know enclaves were built on malia. I think that's a retcon actually. Not just that El didn't know though also that naturally. It's to make this numbers game fit - to say - there's another numbers game beneath the numbers game - to make the mana and malia interactions fit. And well done novik for that

Because the golden enclave really does become the better solution.

I'm not sure how El going in to kill patience is going to help her recover the scholomance though. I mean. Turns out El could have just cleaned the whole place up all along but yknow. I already knew that.

Why did they ever even send Orion away. They could have just unleashed him endlessly on the enclave's mals. Probably infinitely safer and more pleasant for the enclaves children.

Is El really going forward with this? His mum is a maleficer oh poor poor hero boy Orion.... He was never loved. HE LOVED THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR THE MALS EL NOT BECAUSE HIS MOM HIS AN ETHICAL EVIL MAGIC HACKER

Oh no...please tell me that isn't Chloe's only role. She came late to the team but she was fourth!

Aadhya??? WHAT is Liesel's deal? Uhhhh she ran the whole thing? She made everything possible? Do you think she did that because she's a steely selfish bitch? No.

It was a moment of both weakness and total insanity in the literal senses of the word. So maybe you can thank Liesel for sexing El back into a somewhat functional state Aad

'Liesel made an impatient dismissive gesture. “Yes! You have a hook in her yourself. And why will we yank on these hooks? To make her protect us, save our lives? She will do that for strangers, for nothing. What else? You are her ally. Have you asked her to do anything for you? To make someone give you an enclave place, or an artificer contract? Why not?Because you are also a great martyr, who does not want these things?” She snorted as Aadhya scowled at her. “No! You don’t ask because you know she would say no. I tried asking myself. But she will do nothing selfish for herself, much less anyone else. And she is not wrong,” she added, in a grudging tone of having been unwillingly persuaded. “She is too powerful. Once she started, there would be nowhere to stop. So there is only one use of our hooks: to help her stop. You had better be glad that I have one, and hold tight to yours, too.”'

I fucking love Liesel. What the fuck

Lololololol

Oh my god. El angry at Liesel AGAIN for....offering exactly what she needs and wants and doing so perfectly. Lolololololloll

Oh my god is this the garden in sintra with all its fun fake-magic masonry caves and structures???

IT IS!!! I LOVE THAT GARDEN!!! If you're just out to chill and stroll and tramp around lovely fake natural structures that still look cool!

Sad the characters are experiencing such frustration in such a lovely place.

Adult Disneyland....you're killing me novik. It really was a nice place. I mean I was there when there weren't many other people. It was just nice gardens with caves.

Novik describes the portalling system for the scholomance. Yes. It still doesn't make any sense.

Ok but like the gardens are closed at night. Mals can get in no problem.

What im getting from this is that i had incredible timing and normally that garden is packed with horrible tourists

So....how is it that El has a direct link to New York's mana pool THROUGH the pool right into the scholomance?? Because all the wards are down? Ok but uhhhhh it's out in the void??? That's the whole point

UHHHH actually El I don't think you felt Patience scrying for Orion you just felt Orion

How the fuck is Liesel like, exactly the sharp cold sense that El actually WANTS every time?

Ohh ok so Ophelia somehow did make Orion as he is. Somehow.

Well OBVIOUSLY the Malia source is fucking horrible if it can bring an enclave into being. Like come on. Probably produces a mawmouth or something. And you gotta feed it 50 people or whateve

Damn. They're gonna turn Liu into a mawmouth. Its a sacrifice. Uh Novik. You better not go there.

Wow they were gonna make Liu a mawmouth and make her eat her closest full grown wizard family? I think so. Lets see. Go El!

I KNEW IT!!!!!!! WHAT IS THE WORST AND MOST POWERFUL MAL? WHAT IS THE GREATEST PIECE OF MAGIC AND MALIA? AN ENCLAVE

fucking hell. They're squeezing Liu into a mawmouth. Fuck.

No..her hand...

When I am very moved by a scene, i read it out, the first time. This was the scene.

Oof. Orion just ate some wizards. Surely he has less deadly weapons???? He really is a mal

Uh

Oh he actually really is a maw mouth mal? He's a fucking maw mouth? Her dads now inside fortitude inside patience inside Orion, still getting endlessly tortured. Uh...

'for all I knew' NO. DEFINITELY YOUR DAD

Well idk he's had pretty good control so far. Just unfortunate those damn Beijing council guys tried to kill El

Aadhya and Liesel going into negotiations as proxies for El who'd absolutely fuck them up lol

What a coincidence! You wanted to go to India. Now youve been invited to India! She gets angry

OH. MY. GOD. El actually learned a lesson. Asking for help. And of the right person. Liesel.

Wait a minute. She's been destroying the enclaves. By destroying the maw mouths. The maw mouths REMAIN the foundation. So those 'random' attacks. They were her destroying the enclave foundations while still on scholomance. They're lined up.

So if she kills this maw mouth - but still, why wouldn't her new foundation hold up. Oh she realises it completely too. Shit. I forgot that Salta and Bangkok simply died. She did that

Well honestly, Orion isn't such a bad solution, except the mawmouths in him don't die and also apparently he can't help himself eat people now....

LIESEL KNEW???????? WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!! SHES EVEN SMARTER THAN ME??????

Then surely there must be a foundation in the scholomance. And perhaps Orion is now carrying the mawmouth that pins it.

What the fuck do you mean this ain't a trolley problem. Just start in on propping up all the damn foundations with some real ones El. Then go on a lil maw mouth hunt

Ok but she doesn't even call her mother. Right. She can't. Forgot. She doesn't even DREAM AT HER MOTHER. Or some other magical communication. Not even about the family welcoming her after all or the true meaning of the prophecy

Actually since when is El capable of just catching others spells. And get mana from them?? Like some sort of scholomance? Oh yeah she s just so horrridly op

She's....catching bullets out of the air. And...turning people into stone temporarily with them. Fucking absolute lol

I get the sense that novik got lost in the Sintra garden... Like multiple times. Which is very hilarious because my god. It is very easy.

So weird to have fond and vague memories of this precise settting

Ok so i was right. And Naomi novik is a little bit of a genius for this. Real Orion, the realest Orion, was the Orion of book 1. The genuine hero. When there were fewer and fewer mals to eat in book 2, he became more and more maw mouth, started behaving strangely.

Oof. Better run El. He's about to start..... Eating.

What a fucking BASTARD. COULD HAVE AT LEAST HELD ON ONTO EL WAS NOT AT LEAST S HUNDRED STEPS AWAY

Damn El people are getting EATEN OVER THERE HELLO STOP FUCKING STALLING

The thing is all this time I've been thinking CANT YOU KILL THE BITS AND NOT THE BOY. KILL THE MAW MOUTH BITS BUT NOT THE BOY? THE BOY ISNT SOME ORGAN THAT CANT BE AUTONOMOUS. YOU COULD SURELY EXTRACT HIM WHOLE BECAUSE HE IS. YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL INDIVIDUALLY REALLY ANYWAY

Oh my god. No

She did something much more

Damn. I remember wishing el would become child guardian in the scholomance but it's true that Orion would also do very well

But he's not getting mana out ...wait. he can still extract mana out of mals he snaps into the void? Uh ok.

That book made a lot of sense. And was very very very good.

[starjxsung]

hi baby <333 i hope you had the absolute best time at the ateez concert!! i saw some clips on twt and i died, they looked soooo good😭

it’s been a really rough month in every sense tbh. i still haven’t heard back from the practicum but im not even bothering to write anymore. and we’re coping alright now with the doggy passing away but the first few days were really rough. i think we (but especially my bf and his fam) were clinging too much to her when she was clearly too sick </3 but all is well. thank you for the good wishes. i really appreciate them.

my bf literally stole his brother’s record player to play the ateez album for me so i vote for you to do it too😂

and about jisung, like, i literally said the same thing. i was just like “i’d have babies with any of them, they don’t even have to raise them”. (i dont plan on ever having kids either or particularly like those that aren’t part of my family) even my bf said it was understandable😂 the european air really did a number on them bc they looked so so so so good.

AND BTW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT JISUNG SUPPOSEDLY HAVING A CHEST TATTOO BC IM DYING. that is the single sexiest thing he could’ve done.

and i did hear about taemin’s tour and im so manifesting having money to be able to go😭😭😭😭 but idk if i’ll skip it to financially recover from skz (in general, they manage all my money. they’re doing a terrible job).

anyways, i love you so much bb i hope all is well. i can’t wait to hear about your ateez concerts. i’m so excited! (alsoooo lolla is in 2 weeks!!! and they have plant based options now, as a person who occasionally eats meat but doesn’t like the taste, i cheered). take care my love <3

-🐈‍⬛

hi baby !!!!!!!! Ahhhhh Ateez was insane 😭😭 there were so many sweet atinys around us and I got the cutest freebies <3 we tried to get merch beforehand but it was SO much more crowded this time around so a lot of it was sold out which was such a bummer ☹️ I did manage to get a Seonghwa picket but I’m gonna try to get there a little earlier for tomorrow’s show for a tshirt 🫶 fingers crossed they have them in stock this time ! I did feel super bad bc Seonghwa’s grandfather passed away the day before my show so he was crying during his ments and I just wanted to give him the biggest hug ☹️ I hope he’s doing a little better but I can’t imagine how hard it must be for him 💔 I just landed in LA a few hours ago so I’ll let you know how tomorrow’s show goes !!

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear that you still haven’t heard from your practicum 😞 I don’t even blame you for not reaching out anymore, I’d give up too. I just can’t believe how incompetent they’ve been throughout the whole process. And on top of all the stress with your bf’s dog, and just in the midst of such a busy time. I am so so sorry and I’ll keep manifesting that things start looking up soon 🫶 my sister actually didn’t end up coming to LA and she’s not going to Lolla after all bc she’s just too stressed about her internship and she doesn’t feel like she can fully enjoy anything right now. It really sucks to travel solo after all but I don’t blame her and I’m so frustrated for both of you. Sending you all my love and hoping they get back to you soon :(

PLSSSS the Jisung thing is so real 😭😭 ALSO YES I HEARD ABOUT THE TATTOO I genuinely couldn’t use my phone for a good hour after reading the news bc I was tweaking so hard LIKE RIGHTTT ON THE JITTIES™️ IS INSAAAAANE………. I saw a sketch of what its presumed to look like and I think it’s so sweet that he got it for his family 🥹 Jisung my beloved (he actually got my name tattooed it’s true)

Also manifesting Taemin US dates soooo hard 😔🤞 the first set of dates are all Asia which I’m not surprised about but I hope he comes back to LA at least !!

I love you so so much bby I can’t wait to tell you all about LA !!!! And then Lolla next oh my god it doesn’t feel real 😭 also I did NOT hear about the plant based options and as a vegetarian that’s like…. The next best thing after seeing Jisung in the flesh 💓❣️🙏

Ateez pics ofc also peep my little Ateez pajama shirt I bought for LA 👼🫶💓💓💓

[hyunjinspark]

i read the new chapter n jade..... my heart burned so badly, everything seems to be crumbling down all over n to think this has been yns long wished for dream that turned out a nightmare.. i have a few annotates to make!! ill out them below, its my first time so i rlly hope its not messy >.<

“Of course not” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, continuing to add details to his little map, right now he was adding the 7/11 between your house and Aera’s.

hyun thinking of yn neighborhood so fondly n cherishing the scenery sm let alone remember it to add to his painting was so heart wrenching in a good way.. it made me smile

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to be possible Jinnie. And…you’re probably gonna have to get the flowers tomorrow” Chan suddenly said, filling up the blender with ingredients.

i knew exactly where this was going n for some reason it made me rlly sulky.... hyuns hectic life ;—;

“No, but my girlfr-“ Hyunjin stopped in his sentence, clearing his throat, and he could feel Chan’s gaze burn curiously into him, “Um…one of my friends is. He’s her favourite artist in the world”

i was blushing so hard here, i got so flustered, i hope yn finds out abt this, the subconsciously calling her his girlfriend, its so!!!!!!! god!!!!!!

He saw your eyes widen, and a deep emotion overwhelmed you. He didn’t see you react more, and he wondered what this meant to you, what he meant to you right now, even so far away. You didn't say anything back. You must be holding it all in, just like him. Maybe you didn’t know how to put your thoughts into words. He couldn't blame you. Even after reading all the poems in the world, Hyunjin didn’t have the words either. Not enough anyway.

i loved seeing more of hyuns heart during such conversations!!!!! we havent gotten much of it so i cherish it all dearly n feeling hyuns sincerity towards yn from such insights, he better tell her sooner or later, poor yns heart deserves to know ;—; especially after the mess going on for a while now

I want you here with me at this party. Fuck, it’s so dull without you. If you were here, we could just sneak off and…I would kiss you. Positively. My manager is here, the scary one, but he doesn’t have to know. Earlier, I was reading a book and there was an English word in it that reminded me of you. Saudade. I looked it up because I was so curious and it said it’s a state of melancholy for a beloved someone or something. I think that explains this ridiculous feeling I have when I think of you. I have it even when I’m not thinking of you. Like last week, when we were recording this one song. It’s like you’re here with me in everything. I guess what I’m saying is, I just want to kiss you really really badly and fuck I’m really drunk so I’m sorry for how this may sound but I just really need to feel you—

this was one of the hottest things ive read through slwy..... the words rnt coming out, but, the desperation n need in his words here melt me.. i am yet again nothing but a woman it seems, this was genuinely so hot. i cant say it enough. i kind of wish he wasnt cut off at the end.....

Suddenly the expensive bracelets he was wearing felt like shackles around Hyunjin’s wrists. 

When he got home that night, he realised the hydrangeas in his room had withered away completely.

the poetry/metaphors in these lines were beautiful jade :(

At your question, Hyunjin’s grip on the wheel tightened. His shoulders tensed up.

You'd struck a nerve.

Good.

yn getting some revenge this way was so satisfying to read. yes u struck a nerve n yes its good that u did!!!

hey. i was just talking with minho and man, i miss you

I know you’ve likely forgotten all about me but call me later please…I think ill die here without you

yongbok is so sweet, i do miss him n i didnt realize how much i did until reading his texts here

“She’s a really good artist” Hyunjin suddenly interrupted you.

proud boyfriend behavior. i dont know if u understand but this was so proud boyfriend!

He’d gotten so much better in your absence. You’d only gotten worse in his.

this just hurt. bc yes. :( hyun come back :(

“No, I’m not done talking. After losing you, moving to the city was the hardest thing I ever did. Leaving Daejon behind, all my friends…the only life I knew, and this place where I don’t really fit perfectly, but I’m trying so hard to. It is so hard. The only thing I love…I can’t even love that anymore because I can’t fucking stop thinking about you when I’m painting! It’s not fair. You had a choice, Hyunjin. I didn’t” Your voice broke.

hearing it all pour out of her is so heartbreaking bc it feels like theres so much more she wants to say but cant bc of how overwhelming it is, my chest felt heavy hearing her like this :(

“I…couldn’t leave you at the party. It’s not safe…of course I had to drive you home. I would go insane if something happened to you”

something happened to her when u disappeared, dummy..... u should go insane over that instead bc yn did. so did i. hyun come back!!!!! ;—;

Raindrops slowly trickled down, tracing the ruined paper in your palm. The only memory left of you and Hyunjin was now gone.

heart ripped off my chest. im v sentimental even w materials so this.... it rlly hurt.

“Fine” You heard it being passed around and then his voice came in, “Love. I’m here”

i had these copy pasted in my notes but i just got to send u this ask so im unsure if this was bbok or lino... im thinking bbok, hes so comforting amongst the chaos he seems to be the constant yn needs

Draped in a beige trench coat, cheeks red from the cold, Hyunjin stood at the bottom of your staircase.

nothing n i repeat NOTHING couldve prepared me for this. i did not expect it at all, everything was so fast i was ready to take in a deep calming breath n read along w yns quick decision to go back but now theres....... hyun. hyun is here n i cant wait to know the reason, what hell say or do, how yn feels n how it plays out.. im so nervous n once again looking forward to the next chapter >.<

u once again worded everything so beautifully n im sorry its getting repetitive by now but i love ur writing n the depth to it. i hold it dear to me, this story. thanku so much for writing it w so much love, jade<3

-🤍

idk how i missed answering this !! this is so sweet, i cherished reading every line and i absolutely LOVE when you annotate, it makes me feel appreciated and fuzzy and warm inside. thank you for pointing out your favorite parts 🥺

im glad you thought hyun’s text was hot, the desperation is really there haha. and thank you for appreciating all the little flower metaphors i sprinkled in there ! i loved reading this. thank you for loving this story so much, you make me happy.

[soapsquare]

void posting; dont read(or do, who cares)

well, in one hour i will no longer be a teenager, and it feels really weird. i know im definitely not alone in this but i do not feel that old, and maybe my autism doesn't help with that either, but even though im still relatively young i feel like im already letting my life slip away, like im going to miss stuff that haven't even supposed to happen yet. with my general apathy towards things im not interested in and severe lack of discipline combined i feel like i know im gonna miss out on so many things. it could be that its just fomo and i wouldt even like those things anyway, for example i know i dont like to go to parties mainly because i dont drink, but for some reason i still want to go to parties even though i know i wouldnt like it.

my biggest fear in all this is relationships (and maybe transitioning but thats for another time), ive never had a relationship, never kissed someone, hell ive never even had a crush. from all i see around me it seems amazing to have a relationship and i think that i would like it a lot as well, but for some reason ive never felt that drive to get a relationship. like in my mind a relationship is like something extra, some kind of luxury or so, like yeah i would like to have it but i dont need it. but because of everything really, i feel like im missing out on it despite the fact that i seemingly dont really need it. i feel the same way towards sex(which ive also never done(shocker)) like yeah it seems amazing but i just dont really care for it i guess.

ive always called myself bisexual because of what i said earlier about still kinda wanting to have a relationship and sex, but the thought that i might be aro/ace has always been on the back of my mind, and to be honest that kind of scares me

20 seems so old to me, when i think of 20 year olds i already imagine fully grown adults, i am not a fully grown adult, im a fucking child. but i dont need to say this, it has already been said a million times in a million different ways, and a million times better worded than anything i could ever write

if you read all this it probably doesnt make any sense, so sorry for that i guess im just not very good with words, but also why did you even read this lol as a reward have this picture:

update: yaaaay im fuckin tweny now wohoo i habing so much fun

[cherrylight]

hey. uh, sorry about this post... i dont mean to like post vents a lot recently, but things just been so difficult and hard for me to even talk about and then i get so scared that im going to be judged or hated... its been a lot. so. im sorry in advance.

this post is very long btw

hi, not sure where to really begin with this but i guess its better to just say it and let it be said then not i suppose...

summer is usually the worst season for me in general, i hate summer anyway so no surprise. so im sorry for not being up to par on being happy-go-lucky or whatever, i try to do things to help myself and be like ok, i can handle it. i can take that for a while. but theres only so much i can take before its overbearing to a point it wont quit.

im not good at explaining myself so ill try to keep this as concise as possible.

i suffer way too much from social isolation and sure, i try to talk to people and i try so *so* hard to like throw myself out there, but its difficult and im scared on messing up and making a huge fool of myself. its gotten progressively worse and mentioning it to someone only added to the feeling of feeling like a complete chore to even interact with . . .

im like the most socially anxious person you could ever meet but i would do absolutely anything to socialize with others and be friends with people if it wasnt for the multiple negative experiences ive had during my life.

this goes hand in hand with the fact i want to talk about my own things, but fear of being judged and hated upon heavily affects me. theres a lot of things i want to share on this blog, but i cant out of fear of talking way too much or its just unnecessary information or its not what everyone was here to see i guess . . . which is stupid, i know.

i am not good at like expressing myself or my interests at all, but i get so excited upon talking about them and then in return the excitement is unrequited (majority of the time), sometimes it is and im so *so* utterly grateful for that because it means the absolute world to me.

tldr because im talking a lot: social isolation is a bitch and it has affected me my entire life to a point of feeling chronic loneliness, i want to talk about my interests with excitement but i have a lot of fear upon doing so. i just want to enjoy myself and not feel like a chore on a daily

to add: this isnt on selfship almost at all, i feel like i can actively talk about it and enjoy it a lot, i just have so much fear of being weird or odd and what ive stated earlier does not help

again, sorry for the long post and sorry for constantly venting lately. my brain feels like its in a constant fog and ive stared up at the ceiling like multiple times today

hopefully things will get better ... hopefully

[angelsorchids]

This might sound random but your name reminded me of something so I love that, and I hope I'm your first ask on here!

You said you didn't like simple and boring... so how about you talk about what kind of pet names you prefer/like and which you dislike? To keep you a little busy while answering, would you mind explaining why you dislike them? It's fine you dont though! I'm sure it'll come it handy for future anons.

I really like the blog btw, it's really pretty!

-l0v3r

Hello, welcome!! And nothing is ever too random so don't worry too much about it. What did it remind you of? You're making me curious now. Also feel honored because you are actually my first ask on here! Like said earlier, welcome!

Yeah I don't really see the point of small talk through an ask box, at that point just dm the person but to each their own of course. Oh goodness, pet names. There are so many and not too many that I dislike but I have a good bit of those that I do like. I'll just separate them in lists under this. And to keep myself even busier I'll also explain why I like the ones I do.

DO LIKE :: ♡

baby - Probably the most basic one on this list but for some reason the simplisticness of it is nice, and you don't have to worry about overusing it because in my eyes it never gets old.

dear - Again, another simple one but it's really nice especially when being comforted for some reason, or when someone is mocking you. Mhmm.

sweetheart - Uuuuh, embarrassing to admit on the first ask but this one just leaves me horribly flustered and I have no explanation for it. but the reaction fades when overused too much. Usually those that know it flusters me end up overusing it and thats no fun :(.

angel - Really sweet one in my opinion! Its cute, better paired with "my" in front of it but then again all of these would work with my in front of it.

doll - WOOF WOOF I love this one oh my goddddd, its so <3333. Sorry, uhm, just feels like another sense of mockery? I'm not sure why I like this one so much either. cannot be too overused though, boringg.

dove - I really love doves so being called one on occasion is so cute! Not much to really explain for this one as I don't get called this often.

sweet boy - Hhnjidsfud. Another cute one I will say! Affects me more than pretty boy, but pretty boy is stilll nice.

godsent - I have been called this one time but I am obsessed with this pet name. It sounds almost like a devotional pet name that you'd use when you finally get to a point of no return connection with somebody (something that lasts longer than like a month (no shade)...)

DON'T LIKE :: 𓏵

kitten / kitty / cat - Why. Why is this a popular pet name? The only people I will hear out that like this is that one tall white haired duded from Love and Deepspace because its a GAME they can't control. I just hate how it sounds, how it rolls, augh. Also reminds me of 2020 so.

love / lovely - Now, there's nothing wrong with these but they just seem boring to me now? Especially as everyone uses these quite often, I don't really see the hype for these.

mama / papa - I don't get these. As a joke with friends, sure? But romantically I don't understand the hype around these either!

ིྀ 𓎟ᛝ𓎟𓎟　†　𓎟𓎟ᛝ𓎟 ྀིིྀ 𓎟ᛝ𓎟𓎟　†　𓎟𓎟ᛝ𓎟 ྀིིྀ 𓎟ᛝ𓎟𓎟　†　𓎟𓎟ᛝ𓎟 ྀིིྀ 𓎟ᛝ𓎟𓎟

Welll there we have it, my list of liked and disliked pet names! Sorry for taking a bit to reply to this ask, do not fear it was not boring if you were worried of that. Thank you for the question! Hopefully future anons appreciate this post. And thank you for the compliment! I bet your profile is just as nice :).

[aettuddae]

hey ddae!

while you’re thanking us for reading business matter, i wanna thank you for creating such a nice creation for us to read. its good that you’re prioritising yourself and im glad you take care of yourself!! so dont worry about taking a break and not updating for a bit! and though im not as vocal, i hope you do know that theres always someone on this planet supporting you!!

i’ve seen business matter on my recommended for so long i decided to press into your account and see. and though it wasnt business matter that i first read from you (hole in one!!!!), business matter got me hooked to your page. i read from so many people on this app but you’re the only one that i constantly send ask to :> and i think in the earlier days before i had an emoji bcos i was shy 🫥

i was also sending a lot. at first i was reluctant on starting business matter before it was completed but i dont regret starting it and waiting for the updates because it is that good. the angst made me so attached to business matter (i love angst) and well i think you write angst so well 🤩

once again, yay!! we finally got our happy ending and thank you for creating such a perfection. i think all of us understands that you will have those days/weeks where you’re not feeling too good so really dont worry about needing to update! because the most important thing is to always take care of yourself 🙃. and please dont worry about bad chapters or things like that because everytime i read your updates, ive always enjoyed it so much. every updates you make is really really good so dont worry too much about that!

i hope you feel better soon and ill look forward to your other fics updates as well as new creations that you’ll come up with!! do take your time with these updates tho if you’re mentally not in a good place!! and sorry for repeating myself but yes put yourself first! you are your first priority okay? 💙

-🪽

hello sweetheart !

this is a hobby i cherish a lot and while it remains like that, i'll still come up with stories i hope you enjoy. i said i'll take a break and here i am updating, but i guess i do it as a way to keep my head occupied from the bad thoughts. still, thank you for being so understanding, it's nice knowing you guys will be patient if i take a time off. and also, thanks for being there, it means a lot to know there's someone supporting me, seriously. 🤍

i didn't know you read hole in one !! you're a real one, then 😅 i'm so glad you decided to give business matter a shot despite it not being finished before. that you waited patiently for the updates is very important to me because i'm moved there's people who stayed by it for so long. and gladly you love angst because that's what i do best 😅😭 you're forever welcome to my blog and i love reading your asks, so i hope you keep sending them !

thanks for taking a moment to send these nice words to me and trying to calm down my mind from the stress i was feeling for not updating. i will take care of myself, but i also want to keep writing for you guys. it's nice to know you enjoy my stories, and i'll do all my best to keep them good enough so you keep liking them !

hopefully honeycomb and high garden are of your liking and i'm able to keep them at the level of expectations, and that you at least give a shot to tune in into other stuff i'm thinking about ! i'll take care of myself when i need to, don't worry about that.

thanks for this beautiful message. 🤍

[fluffyseal322]

(continued) her person was unrelieable. I still love her because i know if she wasnt being held back by the person she loves, i know her true potential will be something greater. she already is an amazing person alone, when it's just me and her. but anyways. we all finally escaped the building. "FUCK YOU" one called out. and jimmy followed up on it and said something unnecessary too. They walked away. they felt nothing. i walked back. i wanted to talk to the homeless. i was curious. curiosity is a dangerous thing, but also a great thing if it comes with carefullness. I turned around, jimmy and his friend came back for me. They walked towards me and i was thinking "oh lord. how else am i supposed to be vulnerable speaking to this homeless man without people thinking im weird. but i dont remember what i said when they walked up to me but i do remember speaking about the unnecessary comments. I said "you should apologize." and they did without hesitation. Men apologizing like this? ive never seen it before. it was so genuine too. Our front from the previous stance we had inside the building he said something along the lines of "im sorry, i hope we didnt scare you. I was just scared. You can have the building to yourself now, its peaceful in there. I hope you have a good night." I can tell it came from the heart. I walked up to him and asked. "dont you feel better after that?" he responded with, "i feel the same." i was surprised. i shrugged it off, its not a big deal i was curious if he felt something, but i guess he didnt. i hoped he did though. nonetheless, he has a good heart. I went to jimmy, "did you notice something about that situation?" he responed with something i wasnt interested in. it wasnt the answer i was looking for so i tuned it out. i didnt understand a word. something about we handled that pretty good? yea, i agree. even if we didnt do my plan, the mind of a man led to a much more safer route for me and the rest of the group in case of danger. :) I called them idiots but i take it back. i know humans are misunderstood but because they are misunderstood, its better to be safe than sorry. We all decided to split ways. All of our phones are pretty much dead are about to die. The 3 guys needed an uber, so i waited with them, we talked. the two other guys talked, and then it was me and jimmy. i saw his box of cigs. i picked it up and questioned him about it. why did you start smoking? how did you get introduced to it? why dont you stop? something that he said that stood out to me and that i whole heartedly agree on... "many people have something they use to cope. compared to what i used to do, shoot up and all that stuff. (he grabs the box of cigs out of my hand) this is what keeps me going through my day." he opens the box of cigs and told me to flip one of them over. i asked why, i didnt understand the purpose. he explained to me that would mean it would be his lucky cig and that everytime he opens the box he'll remember me. i didn't understand his reasoning or where it came from, i couldn't relate but i could guess that he has some sort of positive connection with cigs and that one cigarette would give him some sort of sentimental value as he smokes it and remembers me. That is EXTREMELY thoughtful and i truly felt that in my heart. human connection can be so nice. so real.... so unique.

Their uber showed up. one of the guys said "we need to grab our stuff from your car." we all walked towards the car. me talking to jimmy, "you know you littered earlier." he didnt remember what he threw on the floor but i do. i picked it up. it was a beer can. i hated him for that. how insensitive. i remember i put in in my car. "and we just had a talk about how the earth is dying and you knew that. it's like you knew it and you still did it anyways." he responded with something along the lines of "im a loser." i opened the car. put all the cans in the box i found. i walked up to him before he got into his uber ride. i held out the box full of beer cans in front of him. he reached out and grabbed it but before i let it go. i said "put this in the RECYCLING bin." he almost cut me off as if he understood, expecting me to say "trash." no, he needs to redeem himself. not only to me, and how much i was disgusted by the behavior but to himself. he automatically becomes a better person if he recycles it. if it doesn't make it to the recycling bin, thats okay. as long as he attempted to, that is a good start. "i'll send you a video of it too" he said as he walked to the car. That was the end of my night. how luck i was to experience this. I thank my god, my lifenity, and the universe for giving me this one in a lifetime opportunity.

[hauntedotherworld]

OMG it was so fun! we had the best time we hungout around all the shops i laughed so much i must’ve looked crazy at some points , he was so happy to see me again and kept complimenting me it was so sweet omg hes the one who looks like a model genuinly but .. and and we had another drink just earlier the lady asked for id she thought i was underage (AS USUALL) somehow i said my birthdate and whatnot and she let me holy shit 😂 i like her.. she said sorry i cant give it to u cuz u have no idea and u look so young but she did! but HOLY SHIT this martini is got was the sweetest thing ive ever drunk, it was like syrup , coconut piepape sugar syrup. i drunk most tho to be pil it e and cuz my bestie paid for it for me even tho i insisted i will 🤧💖 hes so sweet, we were too broke to buy anything really else but we just hungout had a great time we were so excited ohh god he looked AMAZING like wow wow i am so lucky hes my bestie . he was like just twll me if ur anxious etc he said dont worry ill protect you when we were walking to the reataurant bcs i was yea a little nervous its so new to me but he made me feel better

omgg i just had such a good time i was really nervous but excited i didnt eat anything he wanted me to get something or a drink i was like no no im okay lol i just do whever he wants to go well go