#sorry. im just a fucking mess
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Personal vents, dont mind me. I'm really going through it, and tbh I just need to lay everything out on the table. I think it kinda helps me process/ look at the full picture.
Lately, I've been feeling like the people I call my friends don't really give a shit about me. Every time I try to vent in one of our discords, I feel like I get brushed off (kind of like that, "Oh no! Anyway..." meme, tbh), and it's been ongoing for a long time, so I've stopped bothering unless something really gets to me. Recently though I've made it known that I'm struggling pretty badly, ive gone radio-silent and have been isolating, and next to no effort has been made to check on me over the course of the past 2 weeks. The closest thing I have gotten in acknowledgment was a gif or two sent in consolation.
On top of that. Only one person remembered my birthday and sent a message (kind of a bummer considering I keep track of all of theirs and have given gifts to them all over the past two years). The amounts of times I check on them and support them is severely disproportionate to their reciprocation, and I'm really beginning to feel like I'd be better off alone.
a friend-of-a-friend who makes me uncomfortable for multiple reasons was brought into a shared space and now it feels I'm being replaced by them.
I've been unemployed for over a year,
I haven't been on antidepressants or my arthritis medication in over a year,
I can't get a full night's sleep, I struggle to stand up/sit down, and it's even been a challenge lately to pull off a shirt or step my second leg into a pair of pants. My mobility is the worst it's ever been.
My psoriasis is completely out of control, both in terms of surface area and levels of inflammation. I'm constantly scratching my patches and breaking skin, making myself bleed. Seriously, it's this bad:
a collections agency is apparently on my ass now trying to get $4k out of me because last year my specialty pharmacy apparently didn't get paid properly for my arthritis medication through their copay assistance program.
I interviewed for a job on 5/1, was told they'd keep me updated two weeks later, and it's been a month since that, so I'm anxious that this job ghosted me, which really sucks because it's something that I could have done confidently and now I feel hopeless since there doesn't really seem like there's anything in my area that I am physically able to do. (I need an office job with next to no experience required, preferably not customer/public-facing)
My left foot has been swollen since March and my rheumatologist has been hoping that getting me back on the arthritis medication would resolve the issue, but the state's shitty Medicaid isn't wanting to cover it, and the medication manufacturer's support program wants to know info about my family's income to determine my eligibility (but I'm 30... they don't need my family's pay-stubs. Fuck that) so I gotta put my foot down and tell my doc that I'm at my wits end and he just needs to try getting me a different medication because at this rate I'm not gonna get any relief til 2025 at the earliest.
I'm stuck living with Trumpy parents who go to a culty church, and I feel as though I can't speak my mind or refuse their expectations while I'm freeloading under their roof and eating their food.
I made a happy pride tweet earlier in the month that talked about how and why I identify certain ways on a Twitter that's under one of my other anonymous handles away from family, and my sister stalked me, found it, and told me as much. (She's the least bigoted which is a silver lining but I don't share those personal details to family for a reason, so it felt like a huge breach or privacy, and i havent tweeted in two weeks because i dont know if i should block her, change the @, or remake the twitter all together. But it's tied to other stuff... so it's as if it's just... contaminated, i guess?)
I turned 30 and I'm still in the "years without relationship = years alive" crowd so this year's birthday was just another big wave of loneliness and feeling pathetic.
#sethposting#sorry. im just a fucking mess#after reading all that its no wonder i just play video games and masturbate all day#its not like i have any other tried and true methods to release the brain chemicals
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saw a take so fucking rancid on twitter i almost deleted the entire app from my phone jesus fucking christ
first of all ao3 is an archive site. this is like going to the library and saying "oh i dont like this" on every piece of media you find that you dislike and thinking they should be stamped with some sort of a marker just cause you didnt like it
you can always click back and leave. fic writers owe you nothing to explain themselves and their creations. if they have mistagged or miscategorized fics, then i understand, however there are report tools for that instead of yelling at the artist tbh
im not saying free works arent necessarily above criticism. but this is just. fucking wild. its common courtesy to just enjoy stuff (or fucking leave if you dont, the back button is free) and if the artist specifically asks for critiques, then give one - constructive that is, shitting all over someones work is not proper criticism, mind you
i just find it fucking wild people are treating art and archive sites as social media these days like this and everything needs to be policed and ~catered to the algorithm~ like. no. ao3 doesnt have an algorithm. you should be able to fucking tell what you like and what you dont like and steer away from that kind of content and let people fucking be with their art. they dont owe you anything (except trigger warnings i'd argue, but i know some people disagree with that as well for some reason), and imagine how much more energy you'd have if you only engaged with things you liked and spent time looking at instead of going to places where you dont enjoy yourself. let alone spending time telling other people you dont enjoy what they enjoy. what a fucking life
#like what the fuck#where is the common courtesy of fandoms these days im just fucking asking. its ridiculous#the back button is free. shutting your fucking mouth is free. constructive criticism when people ask for it is nice but only then#these are fucking basic level fandom engagement things#am i old or are people just this fucking awful now that these guidelines dont exist anymore#im just. ough#sorry i had to get this out. idk as someone who has never left unsolicited advice for anyone and never gotten it back it just#it fucking grinds me that people are like this now. like fucking wow#ive been here for almost two decades soon and i still know how to behave. yall better fucking learn#im gonna go back to video game sorry i really needed to yell for a hot fucking second#if you choose to reblog this dont fucking clown on it okay. god#night is an absolute mess on main
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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
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i think corrupted sydney would love nicki minaj send ask
fellow barbz where u at
#i actually dont listen to nicki minaj a lot but i remember the starships and super bass era#this was supposed to be a bit longer but i think when i was messing with the audio settings i kinda fucked it up#so i just put the usable part in#im actually curious as to what u guys think the li's music taste are#it doesnt sound muffled on my phone lol sorry abt that mobile users#franswers#sydney the fallen#degrees of lewdity#my art
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no one has made this meme with venture bros yet so i took the initiative in doing so, even if this looks like shit *bwomp*
Anyways, hello venture bros fanbase. I've only been in it for like 2 or 3 weeks now, but I already love you guys.
Warning: incoming yap session in the tags lol đ
#i just had to make it with venture bros specifically with s5 (although im using hank's design from s4... fuck it we ball)#bro was just a MESS that season (which i cant blame him considering what he found out abt himself and hank đ)#sorry if this looks rushed i genuienely got hella lazy in the end so thats why it looks kinda messy đ#why dis look so mad meme#venture bros#vbros#dean venture#hank venture#go team venture#come back to me emo dean venture đ¤âšď¸đ¤ i loved ur look that season so much
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horror being very specific with table manners and he berates people (dust and killer) for eating like fucking pigs
i think it'd be morbidly funny that because there was no food in horrortale but the cutlery and stuff was all there that maybe he would pretend to eat with no food on the plate. it was in a satirical way that he would joke maybe around horror paps or alone where he would pretend to eat and have really good table manners but then the satire joke became REAL and now horror is incredibly specific about how to eat food
you MUST hold the fork in the left and knife in right says horror. no killer you can't duel wield the fucking knives this is a table not a slaughterhouse. dust pick up your elbows off the table. actually how about you get your entire upper body off the table tf why are you SLEEPING ON THE FOOD??? killer's sitting fetal position in the chair because of course he wouldn't sit normally like the idiot he is. dust is forced to put his hood down and reveal his face no more mysterious shadow style because it puts horror at ease. they cannot have a single peaceful meal because once they get past the table manners phase it then becomes a completion to see who can eat the least (because they suck at everything including eating)
#hey guys. every time i don't post it feels like i'm abandoning my own children#NOOO im sorry i'll come back home... i wont abandon you chat PLEASE DONT MAKE ME PAY MORE CHILD SUPPORT#i've been a busy little bee i snicker out. and by busy i mean playing. and by playing i mean hi3#i'm sorry my brain literally cannot handle having more than one interest. once i get into something else the other thing becomes ignored#IT MAKE ME SO UPSET BECAUSE WHY CAN'T I DO BOTH OF THESE THINGS I LIKE EQUALLY âšď¸âšď¸âšď¸âšď¸ is this a me problem#anyways none of these tags were related to the post. i usually do little extra tidbits adding onto the post when i tag huh#i just recently learned (2 years ago) that youre supposed to put the fork and knife in that order. i still mess it up#i've been drawing on this notebook from the same brand from what i drew on in 2019 AND GODDAMN đ¤¤đ¤¤đ¤¤#this notebook is SO FUCKING SMOOTH I LOVE IT đ¤¤đ¤¤ drawing on this paper is like drawing on fucking BUTTER it's delectable#a shame nobody likes traditional art i cry out (i'm not particularly skilled in either traditional or digital)#you could call me a jack of no trades master of none#got this idea bcs i was listening to binomi (HARDCORE MARETU FAN SINCE I GOT A PHONE. WHAT YALL KNOW ABOUT MARETUâźď¸âźď¸âźď¸)#and i was like omg food theme.... horror. so i drew it in earlier mentioned notebook#and i was like hmm what positions should i put the fork and knife. and then i got this idea#i KNOW cannibalism songs aren't exactly horror themed. but let me be delusional i wanna give my boy a cool theme and cannibalism is soo coo#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#bad sanses#bad sans gang#nightmare's gang#this is funny but in a sad way because i added context to it. as is with all my mtt content#it's comedic because i think they're all stupid fucking idiots but i also make them do this dumb shit bc theyre traumatized
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haha hey guys long time no see im very sorry but here's some anime/RSE maxie and archie spreads i did in my sketchbook to get myself used to drawing on paper again as an apology
#i kinda just chose screenshots of them i liked and drew them#but finding good screenshots of maxie can be so hard bc in some frames he just looks really stupid in some shots lmao#maybe ill post my collection of slightly fucked up looking maxie frames that ive found soon#im super proud of the cutout ones i did#i think they turned out really well#cutting Archies out was a nightmare bc of how i draw his hair but we got there!#AND CUTTING OUT THE STUPID RED ORB TOOK ME 5 TRIES BECAUSE I HAD TO CUT OUT WHERE HIS HAND WAS AND I KEPT MESSING IT UP LMFAOOO#dont mind the shitty magma and aqua symbols i did those really fast as a last minute addition to fill space lmfao#yeah the dates on these are from last month and earlier this month SHHHHHHHHH im posting these a little late#sorry for my absence i have been in an art rut lately and havent done much :(#pokemon#magma leader maxie#aqua leader archie#hardenshipping#i guess theyre just both here#pokemon oras#nugget art!!
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i know that atsv and spiderverse in general is probably not including Gabe for various reasons and therefore when Mig took his alt selfs place he wasnt actually leaving anyone behind. he said something along the lines of âi found a universe where i was happyâ which kinda screams that something was fucked up with his home one, iâd like to think more than usual because the other explanation is that he just left like all his family behind. Which is extremely messed up but also on the other hand a little funny
like imagine being gabe here. Imagine your older brother fucks off to another universe because of his depression and comes back with even worse depression ranting some shit about canon events. You have to be told where he went by his AI because god knows your brother has all the communication skills of a rusty spoon. Have to be told he fucking left with no intention of coming back
#spiderman#sm2099#miguel o'hara#gabriel oâ hara#miguel#like i never expect gabe to be in anything honestly hes my little guy but sm2099 adaptations hate him sometimes#not even going to start talking about the other sm2099 supporting characters but#the idea of gabe just. having his brother fuck off but then also come back with more issues. drives me insane#and you fuckin KNOW this guy would barely communicate a thing gabe would have to bully half of it out of mig and get the other half from lyl#but also. since i mentioned supporting cast. if kasey and hobie ever met its fuckin over for everyone#sm2099 brainworms hitting me so bad since atsv#in atsv they would be even more dysfunctional than their worst comic moments#atsv#silly little textposts#please feel free to ignore this im just obsessed with messed up sibling relationships#Mig comes back to âwelcome home cheaterâ on every wall of his apartment#atsv spoilers#<- SORRY I FORGOR
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Anrir Husbandry
Husbandry tags: @egrets-not-regrets @liar-anubiass-blog @barn-anon @bleedingichorhearts @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan
@ms--lobotomy @nekotaetae @sleepyfan-blog @c-u-c-koo-4-40k @the-raven-lady
@bispecsual
Edit: forgot to thank @justahuman1757 for help with some of the translations and other help
Song on repeat: Cradles by Sub Urban (also most of the remixes for this SLAP)
tw: smut, yandere, obsessive behavior, manipulation
Anrir cooed at the little human in his arms finishing up singing them back to sleep СнŃŃŃŃŃŃ.... СнŃŃŃŃŃŃ... His voice carried low and softly. It was naptime... they needed to sleep as it was good for them of course they didn't seem to realize that. His long back hair was tied back into a slightly messy bun as his nearly completely black eyes dart around the pastel colored room just looking for anything wrong. His DragÄ wanted to work with children in childcare and perhaps it took a couple of years to get here since he had first found her.
She was so much happier since he had first found her... happy about their bond... no more worry in her eyes... no more stress making her hands tremble or her loosing sleep... no more worrying about her next meal or if her car were to break... no more crying... well no more senseless crying. He puts the child down looking around at the sleeping forms but he cant help but grin as this really was all possible because of him, Anrir purrs softly at the satisfaction of how well he has done his job... and how he has covered his trail...
5 years prior
Anrir was a drifter... he drifted around as he had yet to find his own bonded, which given how some legions seemed to be more inclined to get a bond; with Night Lords being one of the ones with very few "feral" Astartes it was only a matter of time before Anrir would find his. But Anrir in all definitions was a feral Astartes having been unbonded since he arrived forty years ago. However, it was fine as Anrir hadn't spent that time just moping about he spent a majority of his time politicking and reuniting with other Terran Night Lords long dead and of course reuniting with those who were under his knife when they were aspirants and scouts which he affectionately called them his kids.
He was also using this time to take a break, a forced break, from running his warband; not that he could run it right now anyway. But he would mull over plans for when he returned back to his time period... if he did was another thought. His eyes moved up to the sky as he could smell the water gathering in the air. Which meant that the group he was with would start a debate on if they were going to settle down or continue on despite the weather. He did not care too much and decided to wander off to look around at where they were.
He walked out of the tree covering that the group was skulking through as he looked at the abandoned parking lot he had walked out into. It was rotting away neglected and abandoned as the painted lines were faded and practically gone, the pavement was cracked with plants growing through cracks; with the asphalt under his feet turning to gravel as plants come to reclaim this section of human infrastructure. And Anrir... he savored this reclamation of nature and decay of it all. Compared to the prison pit he was born into on the other side of the globe; he had already made his pilgrimage to the eventual site of his birth... a town full of people whose existence was never known as a great chasm of the guilty was there.
But that dark pit in the ground was not there now... there were no babies being born in that dark hellhole... his neck tattoo had a phantom itch as he is reminded why it was put on his neck... as he is reminded that at some point he was truly innocent... he is reminded of the hand gently petting his head... the soft voice cooing at him telling him how brave he was being... as he remembers having tears in his eyes as the ink is shoved into his skin... he gently starts to suffocate the memories of a child long gone and a woman paradoxically long dead and yet had yet to be born. His eyes flick to the far side of the quiet parking lot as a car just sits in the dark. The only other thing in this lot, far from the flickering road light... he could hear the annoying buzz of the light as it flickered... the flick... flick... flick... as it finally goes out. He moves with soft steps towards the vehicle as the summer insects scream their sonorous songs it was almost overstimulating for some of his brothers with how alive this planet felt with no foe to focus down on. Anrir felt his gums itch like he craved an oral inhalant and the way the hair on the back of his neck rose as he wandered closer not giving into the craving.
Anrir had seen many homeless humans both back in his own time and here. His eyes looked through the windows of the car seeing how it was lived in, he could hear the soft breathing akin to how someone was asleep... the slow beat of a heart was barely audible to him as the insects continued to scream their songs. There was nothing special about what he saw as it was a baseline female just buried under an assortment of clothes, a towel, a jacket, and some blanket... a bucket with a strainer lid to collect the impending rain... he chuckled at the cleverness but he understood the need to just survive. He turned to walk back to the others but something rooted him in place. He could practically taste the misery mixing with the rain. His throat tightened as it silently moved in foreign ways but he knew what he was trying to do... to mimic the noises they make at humans.
He lets out a dark chuckle as they were right... it really was something that he would know when it happened. Worry soon festered in his gut as his eyes roamed over her vehicle and while he hardly knew about how it worked he could see the signs of disrepair. His nose wrinkled for a moment as he unclipped his helmet from his hip, slipping it over his head as the rain finally let loose. He listened to the rain slap against the metal roof of the car, the way she moved inside her comfortable cocoon for a moment, and the way water was gathering in the bucket... Anrir had to do something.
You did your best to ignore the Night Lord that was hanging around. Affectionate bastards you were told as you remember those videos of just them being friendly. You shiver at the memory of that one gang member who thought he was so big... being homeless you quickly learned how sleeping near warbands meant that you had to ignore certain things... certain sounds especially at night. Astartes always scared you... you couldn't point to any incident that had happened involving them just that you got bad feelings from them... a certain type of dread. So it wasn't exactly like a fear of dogs but the way they looked and acted they were so human... why were they here... you make yourself look smaller as the Night Lord with what looked like a metal spider on his back sat next to you.
You hear him coo and trill at you trying to get your attention, his head tilting slightly as you could hear the slightly distorted trill to his voice from his helmet, and you did your best to ignore him. Eventually he did leave you alone and you had hoped that would be the last you saw him. But, every day for the next week he kept finding you... he would click and coo at you beckoning you closer with those armored claws of his. It was the last day in the week that you broke and approached him as you chose to fill your car with gas over eating and he had shown up with food. You feel tears gather with each bite as he trills down at you and you feel him hold you close... you hear his purr... you've seen this display online it was a bonding display. You do your best to not choak on the hot food as you can feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes, really the last thing you want is an Astartes bonding to you.
You feel the Astartis petting your head as you eat, trilling at you and you're certain if he wasn't in armor he would be purring. When you look up at him miserably he coos at you trying to sooth the clear distress you were in. His hands flexing each time you try to pull away from him, "You don't want me to be your bonded buddy," You finally speak up and that just breaks something in you and you feel those heavy tears roll down your cheeks even as you try to use the heel of your palm to rub your eyes clean they still fall, "I can't give you anything." Your voice cracks as you admit that.
Anrir sat there silently as you tried to reject the bond⌠he could feel it fraying at the edges like a lighter had been taken to it. But Anrir was calm even as his entire existence seemed to reel on its axis as you try to push it away. Your voice cracking gave way to the tears that ran down your face, his black eyes darting over your face as baselines crying was familiar to him given what he was but it felt so different⌠so wrong. Why are you letting her cry Anrir? A soft voice in the back of his mind seems to say. He could feel it fray more and more⌠but Anrir was aware that when a bond frays⌠it never attaches back normally. There was also a small high for him as would this be how he tasted death? Not after millennia of being alive just some mortal woman would be the death of him? He would have laughed if it actually broke but he pulled her against him and you did not make the effort to pull away⌠and so the bond repairs wrong. He did not need anything from you except you.Â
How you lean against him trying to hide away. So he was okay if you couldnât give him anything now. He didnât expect you to give him anything in the first place⌠but a wicked thought plants itself in his mind. Perhaps it was old fashioned⌠after all he watched the radical social changes in a mere 40 years and yet like always the Astartes remained unchanged. But⌠why couldnât he provide for you? Anrir was a capable Astartes and he did not survive this long by chance but memories flicker by of how generous others were towards their humans. He grinned darkly as he could recognize the signs now⌠oh⌠he had intensely bonded to you⌠he had read the manuals and grimoires both in person and on the noosphere⌠he had helped write some of those too⌠so he knew what to look for in terms of side effects and was filing away mental notes about his deviances. And as much as he wanted to act on those feelings Anrir was patient, he was an Apothacarion after all, and his DragÄ needed to be taken care of. He purrs and chirps at her to calm her down and gets her to finish her meal.
Thrones, credits, souls, cash⌠it was annoying dealing with baselines as most societies revolved around needing a good or currency for things and this was not their reality or time period where refusing an Astartes was suicidal. He noted his lack of desire to skin the man yelling at his DragÄ to get him to stop âloiteringâ. But he, like most Astartes, relied on each other and the complex network and ecosystem they built like a parasite on the infrastructure of what was already there or was it the other way around? The Iron Warriors and Imperial Fists would say they laid out efficient infrastructure⌠but he found resources; since it was no longer allowed to simply take humans as serfs anymore and just have them live in a base full time⌠not that the Night Lords had one yet. It would be a few more years till the base was operational and that would be a mustering point for most Night Lords in the area. But Anrir noted how jumpy his precious DragÄ got at the idea of getting help from Salamanders or staying in a shelter; he was fine with her choice. He wrinkled his nose as her car was falling apart and he couldnât fit in it and him being a Night Lord did not help his goal of getting money. However, Anrir had a long reputation having worked in the Consortium with Bile too being a prominent figure in his legionâs hierarchy, no matter how much he tried to stay out of the politicking, so when the Alpharii approached him he wasnât too surprised.Â
There were treaties and edicts that any Astartes had to agree to if they wanted to stay near the humans. Besides the obvious of not killing any humans; which before Anrir was bonded was a surprisingly hard ask, but they were not allowed to mettle with them. Technology was to be kept away from them at all costs, no extending their life spans, no augmetics beyond simple necessary prosthetics, and a few others. It all made sense as it was clear they were not ready at all for the horrors of the wider galaxy⌠no they would not play a hand into accidentally smothering humanity in the cradle because they helped them reach the stars earlier than they were ready for. But just like how human killers existed⌠and Night Lord trafficker Hunts happened⌠there was always some bending and breaking of these rules.
The Alpharii couldnât help mettle in the affairs of the baselines, it was their legionâs expertise, they were information brokers and information hiders⌠they modified records to hide the sudden birth of a child from a woman and a Astartes⌠to all the way of covering up when forbidden technology falls into the hands of baselines and there needs to be a raid. They had their fingers in many pies as the saying goes⌠and Anrir could not play the moral high ground for their request. They werenât supposed to extend the baselines lives⌠there was the crude method of giving them a transfusion of Astartes blood and hope they survive all the way to getting the chemicals and components needed for rejuvenation treatments. The latter took time to get what they needed as they could only synthesis so much being limited to what was only on this one planet; and it was hard to keep the Iron Hands from getting eager in âhelpingâ them be able to colonize the Sol system.Â
But⌠Anrir looked down at the old corrupt man. Such greedy creatures humans could be and Anrir could never be like his kin who were able to see themselves as being above humanity⌠Anrir was far too aware of his own humanity and also his own lack of humanity too. âHow do I know it will work?â The old man interrupts Anrirâs explanation of what he will be doing in transplanting his heart, âYou could be some⌠con artist.â He says with malice in his frail voice.
Anrir never liked nobles⌠and he was always surprised at how⌠self important they could be. His smooth voice answers the question before one of the Alpharii can speak, âMy reputation,â He had asked the Alpharii before this and he was not bonded to any of them⌠he was very much a pawn that the Alpharii werenât ready to loose yet, âyour⌠companions wouldnât have gotten me if they doubted my skills. The heart is made for you so there is no chance of rejection.â He says truthfully as it was child's play growing the organ for him.
Anrir voxes one of the Alpharii, âAs for my payment for this?â He hisses letting his displeasure bleed through as how dare he speak to Anrir in such a way.
âEverything is set up in ways that wonât tip off the government officials to the sudden influx of wealth. And conveniently set up so that if you choose to help us againâŚâÂ
Anrir waved his armored hand over his shoulder as his medical mechadendrites unfolded like a spider on his back, âYes yes you lot have me for several surgeries,â He goes through the process of setting everything for fine movements and working on humans, âBut please be aware should anything go wrong in the payments that I can be quite spiteful.â He threatens and enjoys the place of power he is able to come from given how specialists are in such short supplies here and he is certain there is only one other Consortium member on the planet⌠he knows his expertise is invaluable he is certain he is on many lists to be kept alive.
âOf course Anrir.â Is all one says and that was good enough as Anrir headed into the prepared room.
You were happy that Anrir returned as he did keep you safe and maybe you were feeling those good vibes that people always say they get around Astartes. But now? You looked at what was holding out to you with apprehension. Youâre sure that it was a thousand dollars in his hand and you felt hesitant to take it from him as no one just gives people money and not expecting something back⌠your spine crawls at a memory⌠He just sighs looking at you passively and perhaps a little annoyed, âDragÄ. Go get your car looked at and get it fixed.â He says and you take the money from him as your AC had died and youâre certain that also meant your heating was gone⌠âUnless,â Your eyes returned to his face as your eyes picked up the bit of white at the roots of his sideburns, âYou want to get a bigger vehicle?â
âBut I canât-â You start.
âDonât worry about money for a second DragÄ.â He says putting his hands on your shoulders.
You squirm under his gaze as you considered rejecting it as Anrir gave you such feelings that there was something else he was after⌠then again you never felt truly comfortable around Astartes⌠always a lingering sense of dread but⌠âMaybe⌠maybe we get something you can fit in as well. Wouldnât that be nice?â You say softly as youâre certain those cars are far beyond what you can afford and from what you heard basically never break down.Â
You hold your breath for a moment as Anrir cups your face, you could hear him trill at you, as he grinned down at you with a smile that youâre certain the devil himself would envy, âWhat a thoughtful DragÄ.â Was all he cooed at you.
After that, with much fussing from him, he made you use the money to stay in a motel for a week and you donât remember when the last time you ate so much food. Anrir in the meanwhile took care of things. You were torn on letting him do such as wasnât this the reason you had a fallout with your family? Your hands shake at the memories⌠he ruined your life. Yet while youâre certain Anrir is doing the same thing⌠it feels different. Anrir only suggested what you use the money for never using it to tell you what to do⌠Anrir confused you but you took comfort in the thought that he wanted something from you that he could get at your absolute lowest⌠everyone says bonds are precious things so maybe you should trust him more.
Anrir makes sure he always has enough money on him as he was making sure that there was a positive association in your mind that he was able to provide for you. The fuss you made when he got the car customized so that you could live out of it as long as you wanted, he hopped it wouldnât be much longer, but it was your choice and all he could do was nudge his DragÄ. The excitement he felt rush up his spine when he heard you say âAnrirâ in a specific tone⌠a tone he associated with his DragÄ needing something⌠DragÄ needed him to provide. Sometimes you were like a skittish animal only staying for the exchange but sometimes you lingered like an animal and he could get what he wanted from you too. He felt that dopamine rush as you tolerated his touches, the joy he felt when you let him cup your face, how loudly he purred as you let him nuzzle you, petting your head, or rubbing your back. He could still see the hesitation in your eyes⌠he could tell you werenât as (warp blind) (bond blind) as other humans were and Anrir is fine with that in fact it made this all the more enjoyable for him.
Winter always comes too soon and once again Anrir brings up places you can stay over the colder months and as hard as you try you still canât get rid of the feelings that if you acquiesce he will want something. Anrir himself is disappointed that you wont ask him for much more; he does use winter to get something he does want. He finally gets to hold you for as long as he wants, usually your whole sleep cycle. Heâs slept in far worse spots and just being a little cramped is hardly anywhere near the list of worst rests he has had. He purrs loudly as youâre glued to his side or his chest at night. Cooing to you as you drift off each night with a full belly in his arms. Its hard not to drift off with how he purrs and the rhythmic beating of his twin hearts⌠this feels like itâs going to be an easy winter for once so of course you get sick as a dog.
âPoor DragÄ.â Anrirâs voice breaks you through your sick haze as the chills donât help but Anrir being so warm helps. âI know you wonât like this suggestion but as a health specialist I do recommend that perhaps it is time for you to live inside more regularly again?â You can barely hear the quiet engine over the Heater going, Anrir not allowing you to fuss about anything right now once more saying he had it under control, âArata mizerabil... (Miserable lookingâŚ)â He says in Nostroman letting his tongue click as you bury yourself closer to his chest, feeling those ports dig into your skin, âAt least something temporary, yes?â He says sounding a little worried, âWouldnât that be nice? A temporary place to stay till you find what you want to do?â
âDaycare.â You croak out.
âHmm?â Anrir looks down at you cocking his head to the side surprised you answered him.Â
âI want to take care of kids. I like taking care of kids. Donât know why⌠so I want to start a daycare.â You say but you soon get weepy, âBut who is going to let me do that. Look at me! Iâm living in my car running away from my family and I canât -â You stop your distressed rant as you cough and your nose plugs up again making it hard for you to breath and you canât help but squirm in Anrirâs grip.
âShh DragÄ, Iâll take care of you.â Anrir says softly a uncharacteristic gentleness in his voice you werenât expecting from a Night Lord, âYou donât need to worry anymore, DragÄ.â Again itâs a soft and warmth to his voice you didnât know he could have, âDo you trust me?â He asks in a tone you have trouble reading.Â
Bonds are supposed to be good things⌠thatâs what everyone says⌠you have a companion for life⌠and you can tell that they get so much out of what we give them as they were clearly made for something far more violent. But⌠did you trust Anrir. No⌠you did not trust him as that feeling never goes away⌠âWhat do you want Anrir?â You finally say after a minute of silence.
âYou, DragÄ.â Anrir says quickly breathlessly.
Again you lay there silently thinking⌠you didnât know what he wanted⌠was it really just being with you? Youâve been with him for months at this point and you couldnât figure out what he wanted. You did research on bonds from what little you could find and everything kept coming back to just wanting to keep their bonded alive and safe. You were scared to let someone in your safe little world but you were so tired of keeping everything so tight to your chest. Maybe it was because you were sick but you nod and let out a heavy sigh softly saying, âI trust you Anrir.â
His reaction was immediate as he pressed his cheek to yours and you could feel the purring in your teeth as it was so loud, your finger bones felt like they were vibrating, but you didnât feel the quick kisses that he leaves on your skin. You whimper at the sudden affection. It was anrirâs quirk as he was odd with his affection as whenever you would seek him out for affection he would smother you in his affection but you were okay with it because it was on your terms⌠your gut wouldnât stop at the feeling that sometimes it was on his terms luring you in⌠He presses a kiss to your forehead trilling, his accent thick, âI donât want you to worry any more my DragÄ. I will take care of everything.â His black eyes seem to glitter in delight as he makes his declaration. And you just let go of that tension a bit more.
You donât know how Anrir found this place, it had a horribly short lease but you knew that it was just to get you out of the weather⌠youâre certain this place wasnât built for Astartes in mind so usually that meant they werenât allowed. You guessed that the landlord looked the other way if said Astartes was paying in cash. It was small and cramped... but it was warm and you could store more than just a bit of food. You were sitting in the tub as Anrir sat on the side shirtless as his hands were massaging shampoo into your hair. You didn't need help with your hair but that didn't stop you from leaning into his hands as he helped you feel clean.
Anrir chuckled at your gentle groaning and moaning as it was clear you were enjoying yourself. He enjoyed helping you feel this way helping you clean and take care of you in this small way... he shivered as he was cleaning his DragÄ... he wrapped his DragÄ in a nice fluffy towel... he carried his DragÄ to the bedroom and savored the laugh that left your mouth as he just tossed you onto the bed with a bounce.
You just laid there, eyes closed, enjoying yourself... sure there was only one bed which was fine as you had spent most of the winter snuggling up to Anrir in the car, it was not the most comfortable mattress in the world... the apartment was quiet...no it was never quiet not with the thin walls... but Anrir was quiet. You became aware of how you were just laying naked on the bed... alarms were going off in your head as you feel his smooth hands run over your knees, feeling his thumbs push into the side as he spreads your legs open slowly. This wasn't normal... and yet this felt like what everything was building up too... but you were always told that bonds were selfless things, right?
Your skin trembles as his hands move over your drying flesh, your breathing shivers, you can feel the bed shift as Anrir climbs onto it. Your throat bobs as you swallow the nervous energy but your eyes open as you feel the bare skin of his legs as he had divested himself of his pants. Anrir's silent still as he presses his scarred lips against your cheek, his body leaning over yours as he settles between your legs, and you feel his hand move to your chin to slowly turn you to meet him. His lips dragging against your flesh as the scarred flesh presses against your own lips. You were close enough that you could tell that his eyes were not fully black... you could see the dark blue of his iris darting with micromovements as he took in your face. But, you could see the predator in his eyes... but it was something more the term hyper-predator comes to mind because what monsters would someone like Anrir need to hunt?
Anrir presses his mouth to yours more and you close your eyes allowing the kiss to deepen. Anrir had been nothing but good to you... but you worry... would he use this against you? You desperately hope that he wouldn't. "Mina..." His voice rumbles like thunder as his hands drag across your flesh in a way that feels dominant and possessive. You can't stop the shuddering moan that leaves your mouth as his mouth moves against the front of your neck, licking the way your throat moves in its swallowing motion. "Toate ale mele⌠(All mine...)" He says whispering to you in a language that you don't know, "Fiecare parte din tine⌠toatÄ a mea⌠trupul Či sufletul tÄu. (Every part of you... all mine... your body and your soul.)" He says again as Anrir presses his cock against your entrance. His mouth continuing its worship of your neck and chin as you open your eyes slightly and just watch Anrir with lidded eyes. He cups your face as his tongue presses hard on your lower lip before pushing his tongue back into your mouth just kissing you hard.
You knew you had fringe thoughts about Astartes... Anrir was just proving to you one thing... that they were far too human to ignore. Far too human and far too predatory... you could never get that feel good emotion from Anrir... from any Astartes really. They were all predators... they were man made monsters made to fight monsters that you didn't know would exist beyond the silver screen of Hollywood or the writings of horror writers. He pulls his mouth away trilling at you and pausing when he sees the look on your face. You were looking at a predator looking at prey a malicious looking thing that tried to play the part of a friendly thing... a wolf playing the role of a dog. "Anrir."
"Yes DragÄ." He says as a hand cups your face.
"What do you want?" You again ask... because... you don't think he's lying about the bond but this wasn't normal? You felt everything rushing anxiously to a point.
"You, DragÄ." He says devotedly.
You were tired... so tired of being on your own for years before Anrir came. Oh how much Anrir had helped beyond just the money he gave you and the food... just being here... even if it was wrong... even if... you were so tired. You pull Anrir into a kiss as you didn't want to think anymore! You didn't want to worry any more... you whimper as Anrir just purrs loudly as you decide to let Anrir take care of it... take care of you... just for today you tell yourself as you melt into the embrace.
You feel the slight discomforting sensation of your walls spreading open as his cock slowly pushes in. When it becomes too much your hand or foot pushes against his chest which makes him stop till your brow stops furrowing and you for him to continue. This continues until his hips are flush with yours and Anrir hisses in delight, "Atât de strâns atât de bine cu mine⌠draga mea⌠a mea. (So tight so good to me... my dear... mine.)" You once more don't understand him but you decide to not worry about it as he starts moving. Your thighs burn slightly at the stretch to have them spread open wide for Anrir to thrust into you. Your eyes close as you focus on the feeling and enjoy that he doesn't ask you to look at him but that doesn't stop him from talking, "MÄ simČi fatÄ frumoasÄ? (Do you feel me pretty girl?)" He trills in that unknown tongue, "Te concentrezi pe penisul meu din interiorul tÄu? (Are you focused on my cock inside of you?)" He asks something else perhaps not realizing or caring that you don't understand him.
He picks up the pace as he pants down at you and you just yowl and moan in pleasure. Porn making everything feel so fake when real sex sounds so unsexy at times but you had no need to make things sound sexy or be perfect. You could hear Anrir chuckle at an unflattering noise you make as he slams his hips into yours again making you repeat it. Eventually things feel tighter and more anxious as Anrir tilts you slightly so his cock pushes into you at a downward angle and you just laugh at the unflattering squeak and squawk that you make. Anrir laughs with you at all those weird and all those distinctively you vocalizations but you just don't care as no one is telling you that you're being unappealing... you throw your head back and arch up as you earned the right to not worry. You moan loudly moaning his name as you feel so good! You earned this reward! You deserve this... you deserve to just let go... you orgasm with little fan fair... just a simple gasp.
You feel so good... everything feels so good as Anrir continues to chase his release, the feeling of a bed against your back, the fuzzy climbdown from an orgasm, the oily drop of sweat from Anrir that lands on your shoulder, and the comforting stutter from him that stutter causes you to open your eyes to watch his brow furrow and you watch how surprisingly expressive he gets as he cums.
The apartment is mostly quiet... as quiet as you can get with thin walls... you lay there with him not thinking about anything... not thinking as you feel his cock softening against your inner thigh. He lets out a loud breath as he lays back in bed in his spot as you meanwhile are pushing away the worry about the consequences of sleeping with Anrir. You cuddle against his side, his arm wrapping around you, you feel the cum ooze out of you ... you're still tired of thinking... you're so tired of it... so tired of worrying why and what Anrir was doing for money... You put your head against his chest over his hearts ignoring the discomfort of the ports against your face... you just listen to the way his hearts beat.
Present day
You were in a much better spot than when you were a couple of years ago... you actually came into money, no it wasn't a rich distant relative dying but it was another person you had camped with when you were homeless. They had actually won the lottery and were being smart with it, which you think was more so their Ultramarine had helped in making smart choices. Though you had your suspicions... the Alpharii... a few seem to come by every few months some to coo at the kids, eager to find a bonded, and some to talk with Anrir as you watched them take containers from your home. But being given money you sudden just kept finding yourself with more money and it was stupid how much money you got after investing some of it... you didn't want to question it and Anrir was very good at distracting you.
Oh speaking of Anrir... he got you so many gifts. He would still give you random bouts of cash but he was finally acting more and more like how a bonded Astartis is supposed to act. You also were seeing how talented he was with his hands as besides his occupation you discovered his macabre hobby that all Night Lords seem to have... bone scrimshawing and taxidermy. You could point out all the time that he acted like a normal bonded Astartis and yet at the same time... how many gestures were more. You got outfits, jewelry, wines, your current house, and hell even your job you know he had a hand in financing... it spiraled out of control with his gifts that your friends noticed and asked who your 'sugar daddy' was or rather if he had any friends.
You smile warmly and wave goodbye as the last child finally gets picked up. You head back inside letting out a soft exhale and start picking up the room not getting very far into cleaning up when Anrir wraps his arms around you and purrs into your shoulder... purring into where he tattooed you years ago. You feel him give a playful tug onto the choker collar that he made for you, expensive thing and you know he liked you wearing it. You were lucky that no one asked you what Anrir was... everyone just assumed he was a Raven Guard...
"I can smell your worry DragÄ." He says nipping your earlobe.
"I'm just tired Anrir."
"Then lets go home." He kisses your cheek.
"But I have stuff to pick up-"
"And this is why we hire others to clean," He says gentle cocking his head to the side, "You're worried about something." Anrir takes the toy from your hands as you pick at the seams.
You let out a heavy sigh bringing your thumb to your lips, "I'm just scared everything is about to go wrong." Anrir takes your hand to stop you from biting your nails.
"And if it does... I will take care of it." Anrir says with such certainty and authority that makes you believe him.
The breath in your chest you let out with a heavy sigh, "Okay." You nod.
He tugs on your choker bringing you close for a kiss as he trills softly, "I will always take care of you my frumoasÄ dragÄ (beautiful darling)." And you chose to believe it.
#space marine husbandry sentience#warhammer 40k#oc: Anrir#darling: Draga#carnal bond#intense bond#yandere bond#tw: smut#tw yandere#tw: obsessive behavior#I have been working on this for so long#the smut was debatable on adding it#but the longer this took to get out the more I was like#âFuck itâ#because momrad hasn't been able to write a lot#and so its like here's some smut guys#also Raven being super ovulating right now and just being unwell for my guy so yeah another thing to convince me to keep the smut in it#also sorry about the POV switching between Draga and Anrir#I enjoy letting people see what both of them think and feel and I know its probably messy but just... yeah#no beta we die like horus#no beta we die like sanguinius#no beta we die like ferrus#no beta we die like the emperor#these tags are a mess#these tags are getting silly#im just so happy that im finally done with this and can move onto other projects
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"I was afraid of facing you. I can't even call you by your name."
THE NOVELIST: PLAYBACK (2021). DIRECTED BY: MIKI KOICHIRO.
#the novelist#the novelist: playback#asianlgbtqdramas#asiandramasource#jdramasource#tvedit#mediagifs#*#faiza gifs#THESE! CODEPENDENT! BITCHES!#GOD im so glad i could find a decent t*rr*nt of playback last night i can FINALLY gif it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway. THIS SCENE. my GOD.#rio FINALLYYYYYYY breaking down ALL this walls ALL HIS EGO on the fucking FLOOR#just being VULNERABLE in front of haruhiko after training it through to japan JUST TO COME#AND SAY SORRY TO HIM.#yalllllll theyre just SO .... SATISFYING.#the WHOLE novelist franchise is THERAPY. u see them go thru EVERY stage of toxicity right through to tenderness.#i mean theyre still HUGELY filled with issues. but. THEYRE OKAY. theyre messed up bitches PERFECTLY codependent on one another.#god and dont even GET ME STARTED on rio not even being able to SAY haruhiko bc it just weighs GO MUCH TOO MUCH on his tongue#BC THAT MEANS BEING VULNERABLE AND LETTING SOMEONE IN AND HE COULD NOT LET HIMSELF DO THAT.#NOR DID HE THINK HE WAS WORTHY OF HARUHIKO TO EVEN SAY HIS NAME IM GOING INSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANEEEE
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Req: nahyuta and Simon reluctantly hanging out (maybe taka if you please?)
never finished DD or ever touched SOJ but in my ideal world nahyuta and taka are friends
#ace attorney#nahyuta sahdmadhi#simon blackquill#blackmadhi#<- JUST COVERING MY BASES WITH THAT ONE. apologies if u didnt mean this ina shipping way#i didnt even draw this in a shipping way but i feel it counts#art tag#im so sorry this response is coming 4 months later ive been a mess#BTW I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRAW BIRDS !#i know he looks fucked up. I KNOW.
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what is your favorite quote from the infamous hp fanfic, my immortal
#my immortal#ive been obsessed with the strange aeons full reading of the fic ive just listened to it like five times this week alone#sorry im gonna subject you to it now too#if you have never read it or havent even heard it before please. seek out my immortal#that fic is legendary and i want everyone to be aware#so heres my collective fave quotes. vote for one or add your own!!#my favorite is the 'but im also a satanist' one i fucking laugh out loud every single time#anyways heres a poll ive wanted to make like all week enjoy <3#polls#night is an absolute mess on main
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a few ppl were asking me how i made some of my friendship bracelets so I thought I'd explain (because everyone should make as many bracelets as possible, I love seeing them):
I used this tutorial to make the pink one (here's a version that doesn't require a beading needle but I think it's a lot easier if you use one), except I skipped the first bit where they made the "snake" part (I just threaded the beads onto both strings). Also I used 3 beads per letter for the pink one instead of 4, because I think mine are a little bigger than the ones used in the tutorial
as for the double layered text, @pinofdnp taught me how to do that! you also need to layer 2 strings, then you start by threading beads onto both of them (again a lot easier if you have a beading needle), and then you just split them up, thread beads onto each string individually, then join them up again by threading beads onto both of them at once again.
give it a go, it's not as hard as it looks! just a bit fiddly.
(these are the bracelets in question):
in general pinterest gave me a lot of inspiration, I'd recommend checking out what the swifties are doing on there because they are eating this up i gotta hand it to em
#sorry the links were gone for a moment i messed them up and had to fix them lol#i cant say âthe pink oneâ without thinking of trixie mattel help#phan#dan and phil#dnp#also i have no idea what im doing here lmao im just fucking around and finding out#and then posting it if it looks cute
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what a goofy gooper. what a goopy goober. what a goopy gooper. whouphfh oghhf aughfh goop goopyg ooper-
#dog mode is my fave thing ever what the fuck#just roll with it#jrwi riptide#ij ust misspelled riptide as riptdie đđđđđđ#jrwi goobleck#my art#all bc gill drew a card#i cant get over that fact sorry#im on 78 . like it was really funny when he drew it back in ep 74 but man#hey when is it jays turn to be stuck facing her demons and the horrors#chip n gill have had their âchanged by the horrorsâ character developments#their three peas in a pod jay is getting there sometime#ig the block could sorta count in a way hmm#but i mean solo yknow . facing yourself. your worst fears. delving deep in the farthest reaches of your mind and thoughts. yknow#i lov ethem i swear i jus tlike when the story gets rlly messed up sometimes adn the characters r permanently changed as a result
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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đď¸đŚđŻ
(crops under cut)
#natsume yuujinchou#matoba seiji#natori shuuichi#horrible exorcists#sorry i couldnt think of a caption i literally sat here for like 2 minutes lol#usually i use a quote from the scene or a lyric from a song but in this scene they're just Looking#anyway FUCK architecture#really though this is csp's perspective ruler's fault. i shoulda just done this by hand#but i made it work. since it wasnt super super complicated lol#ummm i feel like natori looks like a baby ceo but that is what he was wearing at least in the anime version of this scene#and midorikawa's kind of vague about clothes so i made it easy on myself#but why are you rolling up to the exorcist meeting in a navy blazer and tan chinos?#his uniform color is tan so ig the pants could be from that but the blazer......#tryna represent the natori clan in front of the other exorcists ig idk#meanwhile matobas just in his gakuran lol#hes not the clan head yet so he can just be there as a kid#he even gets told off by takuma and called seiji-kun.....could you imagine like.#it's weird for him to not be matoba#anyway. um i completely kind of fudged the architecture because its hard to tell where exactly in the building this scene is and#i had a specific composition in mind#i only realized i messed up how the windows work like 3/4 of the way into lineart soooo#but thats the kind of thing only i would notice probably#btw i was originally drawing a different scene of them but i was faced with the reality of foliage.#and i remembered this romeo and juliet ass scene existed so#i chose architecture LOL#okay last thing. i feel like natoris haircut is too polished and nice but fr wtf is his canon hair#im doing my best LOL.........but boy#OKAY im done
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