#sorry yall im an idiot

[silence-between-seconds]

the biggest betrayal to crowley was not that aziraphale chose heaven over him. it was that he chose angel crowley over demon crowley. when aziraphale says "come with me, to heaven. we can be together. angels." it shows how much he still remembers angel crowley and associates every good thing about crowley with his past angelic-ness. but he's wrong because crowley isn't good at heart because he was an angel, he's good because he's crowley. and crowley who wants him to love him for who he is, sees aziraphale asking him to become an angel again as a sort of betrayal. a sick kind of heartbreak for him.

[triglycercule]

horror being very specific with table manners and he berates people (dust and killer) for eating like fucking pigs

i think it'd be morbidly funny that because there was no food in horrortale but the cutlery and stuff was all there that maybe he would pretend to eat with no food on the plate. it was in a satirical way that he would joke maybe around horror paps or alone where he would pretend to eat and have really good table manners but then the satire joke became REAL and now horror is incredibly specific about how to eat food

you MUST hold the fork in the left and knife in right says horror. no killer you can't duel wield the fucking knives this is a table not a slaughterhouse. dust pick up your elbows off the table. actually how about you get your entire upper body off the table tf why are you SLEEPING ON THE FOOD??? killer's sitting fetal position in the chair because of course he wouldn't sit normally like the idiot he is. dust is forced to put his hood down and reveal his face no more mysterious shadow style because it puts horror at ease. they cannot have a single peaceful meal because once they get past the table manners phase it then becomes a completion to see who can eat the least (because they suck at everything including eating)

[himejoshiangels]

THIS IS NOT NORMAL WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THIS???

On a post actually ABOUT duke you just make up random ass nonsense to back up why everyone else is cooler than duke actually. why is this so fucking normal for yall. do you see how you guys sound. What is the absolutely insane obsession with "one upping" duke being "unhinged" or "chaotic" or whatever bcs that's how yall value characters for some reason. Atp I give up. if I screenshotted every time I've seen some idiot do this nonsense my fucking phone storage would be full

[missihavetomanyfandoms]

Harry love interests: *a muggle born witch* *his best friend's younger siblings* *a slyderin prince who is also a black*

James: I'm so proud of him <3

(This is both a nod to fanon ships and canon ships)

[p4nishers]

let me just say this: if crowley EVER makes an actual move on aziraphale and aziraphale gives even a HINT of reciprocation it's over for him in SECONDS bc u know aziraphale half asses nothing so it'll be like crowley tries to brush their fingers together and aziraphale fully beams at him and interlocks their fingers in seconds. crowley stares speechlessly at their hands for 5 minutes, looks up at aziraphale and faints. crowley gets aziraphale flowers and aziraphale puts them in the very center of his shop where everyone can see and keeps them alive for months. crowley fights a giggle every time he sees them. crowley offers his jacket on a cold night and aziraphale wears the jacket everywhere for weeks and gushes about it to everyone he meets. crowley chokes on his breath every meeting aziraphale is in it without fail. crowley slyly asks aziraphale on an actual romantic date and aziraphale SLAMS down their wedding invitations infort him of like "im so glad u asked, dear, i've been waiting for this" then launches into a rant about flower arrangements and table cloth colors and crowley is left blinking at him and trying not to explode. poor snake.

[poisonousquinzel]

Harley in New Suicide Squad #3 where she beats up Joker's Daughter and is like<3 dw<3 I'm a Psychiatrist <3 I'm helping her<3

and genuinely genuinely genuinely genuinely genuinely I do not care about her design or the art style ((so long as writing wise it gives me Something.))

I have transcended past allowing such trivial things to be restrictions for her,, cause this is a comic fandom and I must help my own mental sanity sometimes skdndjksk

yeah you are baby:') and i love you so damned much

[pawsimses]

Cursed New Ship Art Alert

No I'm not sorry

[bookshopbentley]

can someone give my sweet aziraphale a break like hes constantly going through it if one persons not putting him down someone else is like FUCK he’s trying

[padawansuggest]

Din wakes up from a 48 hour nap once a month to Bo-Katan politely telling him what recent danger she saved him from and how Grogu played a major part in it. It’s little brother rights babey.

[cometrose]

for treating hyunwoo like shit- deserved!!! that family is getting everything they deserve i don't even know why he is taking care of them they don't deserve his benevolence

[skellys-selfships]

i had some wild motivation last night :> so.......

self indulgence time

[cognitosclowns]

I saw your Robotus NSFW Alphabet post and please GOD elaborate on him having a fleshlight based on Reader's pussy because he misses them. It's driving me insane your ideas are so good

YES ANON OFC I WILL <33 FAVE SHIT EVER ARE YOU KIDDING

nsfw below!! this is gonna be so long I'm so sorry MNSDMS

he didn't expect himself to miss you so much??

Like you're only gonna be out of town for 3 weeks, max. That's nothing. especially in comparison to how long of a life you two are gonna spend together, that IS nothing.

He repeats that a lot to himself during the coming days.

It's about halfway through the second that he starts missing missing you. Proper yearning. Not just surface level ‘wishing you were with him’ NOPE SMDNS

He’s absolutely lovesick. He finds himself missing every little detail about you.

The smell of your shampoo. The little glint in your eye when you flirt with him. Kissing your warm cheeks after you cum, the lazy smile that follows. The way your eyes light up when he makes a joke.

AND ITS STUPID. HE KNOWS ITS STUPID. ITS IDIOTIC YOU AREN'T ON MARS FOR FUCKS SAKES YOU'RE JUST A FEW STATES AWAY. YOU'LL BE HOME BY THE END OF THE MONTH. HE WANTS TO GRAB HIMSELF BY THE SHOULDERS AND SHAKE.

He feels so dramatic but. that changes nothing. he's still stuck in Yearning Hell.

He definitely tries masturbating, because that seems like the easiest way to tamp it down until you're back, but it isn't the same. 

Sure, he cums, and it's perfectly fine, but the wanting doesn't go away. There's still that aching sensation. 

if anything, he feels worse after because it's not you. It's just a new reminder of how amazing it is being intimate with you and how far away you are.

AND,, WELL,

It's definitely an impulse decision.

(Granted, most of his decisions are impulse decisions, so.)

He's got a full 3D model of your innards bc. of course he does smdnsd.

Shockingly, it isn't even smth he actively kept info about? he just has so many sensors in his dick that it just,, naturally acquires that kinda data, and it gets stored away subconsciously. 

Wouldn't even be hard to print out something usable. a few minutes at most...

Yeah after the base idea crops up, he considers it for maybe,, .5 seconds before caving smdnsmd.

He keeps internally scoffing at himself as he sets up the printer, fills in the silicone, inputs the instructions. Sighing his nonexistent lungs out.

Just a constant mental stream of 'you are such an idiot you are such an idiot you are such an idiot' as he undoes his belt MSNDMSD truly he is. Experiencing.

actually,, using it,, oh lordie,,

he hates, hates that it gets a full-throated 'oh fuck' out of him, but it absolutely does.

Is it perfect? Not even close. A pale imitation at best. The slickness of lube is too artificial, there's none of that Human Warmth he's grown accustomed to, he can't cradle your face or squeeze your hips.

Is it just enough for him to pretend it's you? YEP <33

He only gets about 5 thrusts in before his first orgasm, and tbh his artificial cum really helps pull the illusion together?

It stays warm inside his tanks, heated by his motor, and it fills up the inside of the toy in no time.

It cools down pretty fast, but it's no problem because he replaces it just as quick <3

He's split between. feeling absolutely mortified that he's humping a piece of lukewarm silicone like some sort of animal vs not giving a singular fuck because it hits the exact spot he needs it to.

<333333

He isn't entirely sure how long he goes for, but when he's done the sun is firmly in the sky, which makes his cheeks feel more than a little artifically warm.

Thankfully, the toy itself fairly easy to dispose of, since it's virtually unrecognizable by the time he's done.

maybe. he'll keep those designs on file. for future use. just in case.

OH and don't think this spoils the welcome-home sex - think of it as an appetizer <33 just a reminder of what he's had to be away from!!

so. um. *pinwheels into the atmosphere*

[listenupcupcakes]

GODSPEED RICK MAY, YA MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!

ENJOY YOUR SOLAR ECLYPSE, JUST FOR YOU!

07

GODSPEED!

[pissed-whizard]

When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your followers (positivity is cool, so do it) 😎

5 things? how about all 5 inches of my tiny-

[something-about-sunflowers]

Thinking about Izzy with hanahaki, coughing up flowers over Ed for like 25-30 years. Yeah it sucks but its not gonna kill him. Obviously keeps it a secret (From Ed at least, Fang and Ivan caught on but they don’t wanna get involved in All That so they keep it to themselves and help Izzy out when he gets bad spells. None of them mention it but Izzy is grateful, which makes it all the worse when they start palling around with the Revenge crew over Izzy :’Tc).

(Uh, readmore cause I didn’t expect this to get. Like. Huge. lmao)

Then Stede Fucking Bonnet comes along and things get worse as he watches Ed fall for Stede, even if he doesn’t really understand. Still, he manages. Gotta push through, Ed would expect nothing less.

And when Stede leaves and the Kraken happens Izzy goes through a good bit of hell. Ed is barely out the room after the toe incident before Izzy is hacking up so many flowers he thinks he might actually die this time. He doesn’t, though. Cleans himself up, puts his shaky legs to work. (And then Lucius finds out, doesn’t really matter who pulled him back on board, Izzy knows about it because none of them are subtle. He keeps the secret because. He’s really not sure. But Lucius is in the walls and he hears Izzy having a fit and now he knows. He wants to ask. Tries to, even, Izzy shuts him down and he’s not even angry when he does it. Just. Defeated. Lucius silently adds another thing to his ‘Things I’m Gonna Bitch At Blackbeard For Once He’s Not Crazy Anymore’ list.)

When Stede comes back its. Better. For a while. There’s a lot of hurt all around but everyone is alive and they’re (mostly) talking it through as a crew. Ed makes his apologies to the crew, even to Izzy. Stede makes his apologies as well. Izzy accepts that This Is His Life Now. Since Stede seems to actually want to learn now that he can’t just throw money at all his problems Izzy offers to actually teach him (instead of ‘teaching’ him like Ed does). He shows him the ropes (literally), gets him passable with a sword, keeps Ed focused when he’s teaching him navigation (not Izzy’s strong suit, he can manage if he needs to but Ed’s always been better at it). They actually find themselves getting along.

Izzy starts joining the crew during ‘story time’ (sometimes its stories, sometimes its other group activities, easier to just give it the one label). One night, after Stede finishes the story and everyone is heading to bed, he watches Stede and Ed head to their cabin. Sometimes they’ll ask him along for a night cap, not always though, and its. Fine. But. He watches them head off without him. The way they hold each other as they go, smiling, only eyes for each other.

He barely makes it to his room before he’s coughing up the most flowers he’s done since Ed fed him his toe. He, frustratedly, sets to work cleaning them up but. He actually stops to look at them. He stares. And stares and stares.

Two distinct types of flowers littler his floor. He tries to deny it but he understands immediately the implications. Fuck.

Still, Izzy is nothing if not the worlds most repressed trooper. He sticks it out. Or. Tries to. Its hard because Stede and Ed keep asking after him and seeking him out and talking and touching him and. Its just camaraderie he knows but. It makes him want. And he knows he can’t have that. He wouldn’t have a damn botanical garden in his chest if he could. Its starting to take its toll on him though. He can tell its getting bad because Stede and Ed are starting to worry about him. They don’t say it in so many words but he can see it in their eyes. Ed is more hesitant to go on raids, makes up some excuse about his knee playing up more than usual, but Izzy knows it because he can see how his hands shake even when at rest and he’s thinking about him slipping up in a fight. Stede’s plying him with herbal teas and feeding him several small meals throughout the day, he’s noticed Izzy can’t stomach much anymore, how he’s getting weaker by the day because of it.

He leaves after Lucius catches him having another fit. A bad one. He says he’s going to get the captains but Izzy begs him not to. ‘Not yet,’ he lies, ‘I’ll tell them myself but. Just. Give me some time.’ Lucius begrudgingly agrees, gives him two days. ‘And if you haven’t told them by then I’m going to do it myself and you can thank me later.’ Izzy leaves that night.

He shouldn’t be surprised, when he finds Calico Jack in some seedy bar at the nearest port he can reach, though he is. ‘Thought you were dead.’ He finds himself relieved he’s not, its nice to have a familiar face around if he’s gonna die here. (He knows he’s dying. Not immediately, he’s got more fight in him than that, but. Its coming on the horizon and he knows it. Like he knows a storm eventually follows a red dawn.)

Jack eyes him, calculating, never as drunk as he pretends to be. Izzy doesn’t know what he sees but he breaks into his usual grin and says, ‘Nah, still got - what is it - four? Four lives left. Take more than some crazy bird’s cursed cannon ball to take down Calico Jack, babydoll.’ If it were anybody else, Izzy would be bristling at the nickname, but he’s long since resigned himself to being called things like that from Jack. Jack loses his easy grin though and adds ‘You look a bit like death fuckin warmed over though, fuck happened to you?’ There’s genuine care in his tone and it reminds Izzy so much of Ed and Stede and, thank fuck Jack seems to notice because Izzy’s slapping a hand over his mouth and Jack is taking his arm and they barely make it to the shitty little room Jack’s occupying before the petals start spilling out. Jack holds him through the fit, its nice. Izzy almost regrets when its over because Jack sets him down on the bed and steps back, fixes him with a look he’s too exhausted to decipher. ‘Fuck.’ He says, eventually. ‘Think we’re gonna need a drink for this.’ The alcohol burns his tender throat but he knows Jack is gonna get him to talk anyway and its easier with the rum so he drinks. And he talks.

Jack doesn’t call him an idiot but its strongly implied. Izzy doesn’t know what he expects him to do, its not as if he chose this. He doesn’t call him an idiot though, instead he. Takes care of him? Its odd, he knows Jack isn’t as callous and heartless as he pretends to be, knows he’s actually got pretty good bedside manners in fact (There’d been a time before all the legend and everything after when they were all sailing together, they’d lost their medic during a raid and Jack stepped up. He was no doctor but he knew enough to keep everyone from dying til they go someone new. He also had a child and Izzy knew, for all that he was regularly absent from their life, he wasn’t an absent father. He knew how to care for people.), but it surprises him nonetheless to have it turned towards him. Like it matters to him that Izzy is as comfortable as he can be, given the circumstances.

Izzy manages to be up and around most days but they’re growing fewer. Lacking much better to do (he’s never been good at sitting idle) he follows Jack around when he can manage to get out of bed. On days where he can’t Jack still goes out, Izzy wonders why, he mostly just drinks and fucks around, its hardly as if he can’t do that here with Izzy. He supposes he must not make for very good company, sorry state he’s in. Still.

He’s more than a bit annoyed that it takes him hacking up even more flowers after Jack leaves one morning, with a ‘Be back sometime this evening Babydoll, I got something for you,’ to realize. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ he rasps, staring down at the mound of three distinct types of petals. He’s so tired. He’ll clean it up later, promises himself he’ll be up before Jack gets back to clean them up.

He dreams of warm hands, fond smiles, soft touches, and tender voices and wakes coughing up more and more flowers. He can’t breathe. Tears sting his eyes, from the pain in his throat and his lungs, at the thought of being alone at the end like this. He spares a brief thought towards how Jack will react, coming back this evening to find him gone. Wonders how Stede would react. Edward. Still more flowers.

The door bursts open and Izzy doesn’t have the air or the energy to startle. Jack. Jack is there and he looks panicked. And there’s Stede behind him. And Edward. Somehow Izzy finds the air to let out a hysterical little laugh, it comes out more of a gasp. Must have died already, he thinks, how else could they all be here, as though his thoughts summoned them.

‘Izzy!’ He’s not sure which of them is calling him, his vision is starting to go spotty and his ears are ringing. Maybe none of them, maybe its a trick of his desperate, dying mind. There’s hands on him, warm and soft and. Instinct tells him to fight, he can’t see who’s touching him, he knows he needs to fight but. He’s so tired. He can’t see but he feels his eyes slip shut.

‘Izzy, I love you.’

Nothing.

[little-extra-ginger]

can you believe it guys? i found the full image of the peppino bot factory title card somewhere! i had to censor it tho it was a lil explicit

a.k.a. my brother made me post stupid pizza tower garbage again. eat up children

(uncensored under the cut because i don’t know that’s why)