#sorry to tell you but abandoning people like that can fucking hurt them just as badly as you hurt while leaving

[mooshkat]

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[angellesword]

Love Is Not Black and White, It's Purple (Like Your Eyes) | JJK (oneshot)

Summary: You and Jungkook are not soulmates. The fact that you have been married for ten years but still see in black and white proves that.

It is never an issue for you two until…

"Jungkook, my eyes… they're purple."

Jungkook's heart stops.

You can see colors now. It only means one thing:

You have met your real soulmate, and it's not Jungkook.

Genre & Content Warning: soulmate au, housemate au, mention of murder, past child abuse, domestic violence, fluff, crack treated seriously, attempt at humor, marriage au, established relationship, kissing, blind!jimin, fashion designer!taehyung, alcohol, cursing, HAPPY ENDING. (tags are just for formalities, but tbh this fic isn't heavy at all)

Pairing: Detective!Jungkook x Fashion Designer! Female Reader

Word Count: 7.5k

****

Out of all the suicide methods in history, Jungkook thinks that if he were to try one, it would still not be as effective as listening to you talk.

"Jungkook, my eyes...they're purple."

Really. You don't need a plastic bag, a rope, or a pillow to suffocate Jungkook. With your harsh words, Jungkook could feel the air leaving his lungs.

He can't breathe. The terrible realization asphyxiates him: you--his best friend--his wife, can now see colors. For a moment, Jungkook doesn't know what to make out of the fact that he's now alone in this monochromatic world—a place where people see in black and white until they look into their soulmates' eyes.

Jungkook has looked and drowned in your calamitous eyes before, but he never saw hues.

"Jungkook...?" 

Distantly, Jungkook hears you utter his name, but all he can grasp is you will abandon him. Jungkook is rarely wrong. He's a detective, after all. One word, and he can deduce the situation, making this whole ordeal more painful.

"That's..." Jungkook intends to hide his hurt, but he feels his voice getting choked up. He has no choice but to pause.

However, you are thrilled to hear what he has to say, so Jungkook forces himself to continue.

"...great. You, that's great. So great!" Perhaps repeating the same words can convince him that his statement is true. It's not. Jungkook's heart breaks when you beam at him.

Calm down. Jungkook tells himself. But he can't. Everything hurts. His heart, his soul, his words.

"So, tell me. Where's the divorce paper? Should I sign now?" Jungkook's words hurt like a knife. They cut your heart into pieces. 

"What the fuck are you talking about." Your face falls. "Shitty Jungkook, are you kidding me right now!? I'm not leaving you for someone I just met!"

Now, something about your reaction takes Jungkook's breath away. Maybe it's the anger that quickly turns into panic as you take in Jungkook's words. Or perhaps it's the apparent trembling of your lips as you desperately speak of your promise of forever. Either way, your fear-inducing expression somehow reassures Jungkook.

You and him are not over. Not yet, at least. 

"I'm just kidding~." Jungkook chuckles and clicks his tongue, "Of course, you're not leaving me. I'm the only one who can tolerate you, ya know?"

The joke doesn't lighten your expression at all.

"Jungkook, I'm not leaving you," you repeat. The assurance is softer this time, and despite the lack of color in your eyes, the detective can see determination in them.

Jungkook puffs out air. His heart aching a little less.

"I know, darling." Jungkook stops his jokes. He engulfs you in a warm embrace. "I'm sorry."

"Don't say that ever again." You wrap your arms around Jungkook's waist. "You're my best friend. I love you, alright?"

****

10 Years Ago; 2013

Unlike others, your relationship with Jungkook is reversed.

"Let's get married."

"The fuck?" You choke on your water the second Jungkook opens his mouth. "Are you high again, bastard!?"

You punch Jungkook mildly. The latter moves away, exaggeratedly cradling his jaw. "Ow! Why are you always so violent? Can't you hear me out first? I'm being serious here!"

"Serious?" You laugh incredulously. "You just asked me to get married!"

"Exactly!" Jungkook ignores the painful thug in his heart. "It's for our benefit. Didn't you say you want to live in PM Village?"

Apartments in PM Village are too damn expensive. You and Jungkook recently finished college; your individual income is not enough to cover the monthly amortization of a house, but it's different if your incomes are combined.

"You're crazy. We can't marry because of a fucking house, Jungkook!" You are still not convinced.

"Why not?" But Jungkook intends to change your mind. "We're both single, and divorce won't be difficult in the future. We can just tell the court we've found our real soulmates. Besides,"

The newbie detective drags his words, knowing that he'll be able to convince you in the end, anyway. "You're gonna be rich soon. You don't have any living family members anymore. Do you really wanna give away all your money to the government when you die?"

"Why? Is giving my money to you any better!?"

"I can at least maintain your wine cellar," Jungkook shrugs. "And just think about the tax benefits! Don’t you hate Hoseok-hyung for siphoning your money?”

You open your mouth to speak, but damn. Jungkook’s last statement has convinced you already. Nose flaring, you say, "Fine!"

It's like music to Jungkook's ears. "I need your full confirmation."

Jungkook really wants you to say it. You fold your arms across your chest, "Fine, Bastard! I agree with your absurd proposition. Let's get fucking married."

At the age of twenty-two, you and Jungkook tied the knot. Ten years later, most of Jungkook's predictions have come true: you two have settled in PM Village—a warm home with a wine cellar awaits you after a tiring day. You have also become so rich that you often have issues with Jung Hoseok, your country's tax agency commissioner. Thank fuck there are good lawyers out there to clear your tax cases. 

You clearly have everything life can offer. If you want, you can divorce Jungkook now, but ten years later, you are still very much committed to your best friend.

*****

Present; 2023

You insist on telling Jungkook who your soulmate is. Admittedly, you can tell that Jungkook finds the whole storytelling unnecessary. You are married, but it's not as if you two are in love with each other or something. Nope. Jungkook only sees you as an annoying woman with whom he cohabitates.

"So, has Technology asked you on a date yet?" Jungkook asks without looking at you. He's busy filing his nails, acting as if shaping his nails into perfect ovals is more important than conversing with you.

"First of all, his name is Taehyung. Not Technology, you asshole. And no, he hasn't asked me out." You exhale. "I mean, not yet. It's not a big deal, honestly. We just met yesterday." 

Translation: give my soulmate some time.

"Right." Jungkook mocks and yawns, finally glancing at you. "You know, if I meet my soulmate, I’ll immediately ask them out. I can’t waste time.”

"Oh, shut up." You roll your eyes. "We both know you just can't wait to sleep with them."

"He-He. You caught me~." Jungkook half-smiles before returning to the previous topic very smoothly, "So you're saying that if Techno—Taehyung asks you on a date, you'll say yes?"

"Will you mind if I do?" You sound nervous.

The sole purpose of this conversation is for you to test the waters with Jungkook. You both went on dates in the past after ensuring that the other was comfortable with the set-up. You are married, after all. It won't bode well with the both of you if cheating rumors erupt, especially in your respective workplaces.

Admittedly, it has been long since you two last went on dates. You were both busy with your jobs. Besides, isn't it exhausting getting to know strangers? Jungkook doesn't want to waste his breath on nosy people asking why he chose to be a detective, and you would rather ditch your date than deal with them bargaining for discounts once they find out you’re a prominent fashion designer.

Going out with strangers has become a nightmare instead of a fun way to meet your real soulmate. Because of this, you and Jungkook decided to just take each other out whenever you wanted. It's not exactly a romantic date. Sure, there's darling as a pet name, kisses under the moonlight, and wrestling who'll pay. But that's about it. You don't dare to do more.

Your partnership is of greater importance than sex and in-the-moment confessions. You don't want to regret it comes morning.

"Why would I mind?" Jungkook finally answers, feigning happiness. "I'll personally thank your soulmate for taking you out, honestly. I'm tired of you forcing me to take you out on dates. It's about time I meet new people, too."

"Right." You swallow your disappointment and the faint ache in your chest. "Who wants to go out with a shitty bastard like you, anyway? Go meet others! It's not like I care!"

Another fake smile blooms on Jungkook's face.

"Whatever you say."

*****

Kim Taehyung is the name of your soulmate, and the man Jungwon has been investigating for the past three days.

"Jungkook sunbaenim, here's all the information I can find about Kim Taehyung." Jungwon stifles a yawn as he approaches his mentor's table. He almost winces upon seeing Jungkook's monitor.

The older detective has many tabs on his computer, all related to Kim Taehyung.

"You're still investigating him?" Jungwon can't mask his surprise. "Jungkook sunbaenim, just what did Kim Taehyung do!?"

"He's a thief, Jungwon-ah." Jungkook accepts the files from his mentee without sparing him a glance

Jungwon dramatically gasps, his sleepiness fading away because of the scandalous information.

"Really? What did he steal?"

"A precious little thing." Jungkook is viewing Kim Taehyung's baby photos. No one knows how he found them. "Look, he's not that cute, right?"

Jungwon doesn't answer, lost in thought. What could Kim Taehyung have stolen? His Jungkook sunbaenim said a precious little thing. Could it be a diamond ring? Or...

"Tanzanite?" Jungwon shrieks. "Did he steal tanzanite, Jungkook sunbaenim!?"

"Huh?" Jungkook turns to his mentee with a furrowed brow. He suddenly remembers what he said to Jungwon, and being a good actor whose words consist of 10% truth and 90% lies, Jungkook can save himself by saying, "Yeah. He stole tanzanite —authorities said it was very expensive. Come, Jungwon-ah. Let's catch this thief."

****

You aren't lying when you say you won't divorce Jungkook because you 'met' your soulmate. No, your partnership is beyond colors. However, it also doesn't mean you’ll relinquish your connection with your soulmate.

The deal is this: You and Jungkook will stay together until you know your soulmates better. After that, you two can decide what to do next. In short, a simple meeting doesn't guarantee you would want to spend your entire life with your soulmates. You both have heard many stories before that not even real soulmates find romantic love with each other—some remain platonic soulmates, while others go as far as killing each other.

You and Taehyung's case seems to fall to the normal expectation of society: meet as strangers, get to know each other until you become friends, then fall in love and get married.

Unlike Jungkook pulling you in a reverse direction, Taehyung intends to drive you on the right path.

"Jungkook sunbaenim, aren't we breaking the protocol?" Jungwon covers his face with a newspaper, whispering softly in case the suspect hears him. They are currently inside a small coffee shop near Aurora Fashion Lane. Based on Jungwon's investigation, Kim Taehyung works as a designer for the company in the same building as this coffee shop. In fact, Taehyung is slowly becoming a regular customer here.

"Shouldn't we call for backup?" 

Jungkook ignores the younger detective. He squints his eyes hard, focusing on the table near the counter. Jungwon discreetly looks in the direction Jungkook has his eyes on. A woman with a similar haircut as yours is sitting there.

"Jungkook sunbaenim, isn't that your wife—"

"Ssshh, Jungwon-ah. Shut up for a moment. I can't hear them." Jungkook regrets not choosing a table near you and your date. Damn it. You probably won't realize he's here—not when your attention is focused on stupid Technology!

"Stay here. I'll be back." The older detective stands up abruptly. Right. If he pretends to look at the menu before ordering something, he can hear whatever you and Taehyung are talking about:

"Exactly. They should've added another layer of lace. It pairs well with jacquard." Jungkook hears you say.

What the heck are they talking about? The detective muses.

"Ah, unfortunately, the customer hates laces. Apparently, her father made her wear laces that itch." Taehyung responds.

"Poor Elise. I understand why she prefers satin dresses."

Are they talking about work? Jungkook thinks to himself again. He only snaps back to reality when the cashier smiles, asking if he's ready to order.

Jungkook orders drinks for him and Jungwon before moving closer to the soulmates' table. You and Taehyung have stopped talking, though. Confused, Jungkook tilts his head to check what's happening, but someone seizes his wrist.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jungkook hears a classic greeting, yet he still freezes. Only one person gets angry seeing him.

"Oh, hi, you~. I didn't see you there." The detective beams while prying his hand away from your iron-like grip. "What a coincidence!"

"Coincidence, my ass!" You grit your teeth, "Tell me the truth. Why are you here?"

Jungkook tongues the inside of his cheek, thinking of a way to translate, 'You were smiling through your phone yesterday while texting your stupid soulmate. I didn't want to invade your privacy, so I hacked his messages instead,' into something that won't ignite your anger.

In the end, Jungkook manages to simply say, "Why? Can't a detective have his coffee?"

"Jungkook." you utter sternly, "This coffee shop is an hour and a half from your workplace. You also don't drink coffee."

As if on cue, the barista says Jungkook's drinks are ready. The detective picks up his drink and sips it. "What was that? I can't hear you over my delicious caramel macchiato with whipped cream and seven pumps of caramel sauce, topped with small marshmallows, chocolate chips, and sprinkles!"

"For fuck's sake!" You let out a torrent of abuse, your face morphing into disgust. Seeing color intensifies your emotions. The colorful toppings in Jungkook's drink make you want to vomit. "Get your ass out of here, you tasteless bastard!"

Jungkook doesn't budge. He shoots you an innocent look, "Why are you shooing me away? Am I disturbing you and your date? Where is he, by the way?"

Taehyung went to the comfort room, but this was not the point. You hiss, "I'm not on a date. Taehyung and I are discussing work over coffee. How the heck did you even know we're here?"

Another question Jungkook doesn't have a ready answer. Fortunately for him, Taehyung is back. Your furious expression melts at once. Your fake personality makes Jungkook gag.

"Hey, should we head back?" Taehyung's voice is deep. This is the first thing Jungkook notices.

"Yeah, let's go." You smile at your soulmate.

Another thing Jungkook notices is how handsy Taehyung is. He touches the small of your back, leading you to the exit. Jungkook's expression darkens, and Jungwon, watching the whole exchange like a hawk, suddenly decides to act.

"Stop, you thief! Leave my mentor's wife alone!" Jungwon has the handcuffs ready. He's rushing in Taehyung's direction. Jungkook's eyes widen, only relying on his fast reflexes to stop his mentee.

He trips Jungwon, causing the younger detective to fall to the ground.

"Jungkook, you bastard--!!"

All hell breaks loose after that scream coming out of you.

****

'Disaster' is the only word to describe Jungkook's attempt to stalk his wife. He didn't plan for things to escalate to the level where he had to trip Jungwon to stop him from arresting an innocent citizen like Taehyung. You got so mad that the older detective had to apologize, making an excuse that they were detectives on a mission gone wrong. Jungkook remembers smiling apologetically at Taehyung, telling him to cut Jungwon some slack because he is a newbie detective.

You knew everything leaving Jungkook's mouth was bullshit, yet you played along with Jungkook's excuse. You clearly don’t want the issue to escalate further. Thankfully, Taehyung is an understanding man, telling Jungwon to be careful next time. You aren't as forgiving as your soulmate, though. You called Jungkook over the phone, yelling you'd kill him if he went home tonight.

Jungkook has no choice but to seek shelter at Namjoon’s house.

"Let me guess," Namjoon sighs upon seeing Jungkook at his doorstep. "You've angered your wife again, didn't you?"

"Namjoon-hyung! That's a mean guess. Can't I visit my friend?"

Namjoon remains expressionless. "You only go here whenever you and your wife fight. Your wife will think I betrayed her if I let you in."

Jungkook hmphed. "My wife already has beef with your soulmate and, by extension, with you too. So just let me in, will you?"

Namjoon releases a breath when Jungkook pushes the door open and rushes in. He is right, anyway. You have beef with his soulmate. Namjoon always receives texts from you complaining about Hoseok and how ruthless he is as a government employee.

"Would you like something to drink—" Namjoon cuts himself off upon seeing Jungkook helping himself with a bottle of soju.

The detective takes large gulps. He finishes half of the bottle in less than two minutes. Jungkook hiccups and clumsily wipes his mouth, "My wife found her soulmate. She can see colors now."

Namjoon stops in his tracks.

Jungkook laughs, mocking himself. "His eyes are purple, hyung."

"Jungkook..." Namjoon sounds apologetic.

"What's with your expression?" Jungkook’s lips twist. "You look sorry. Don't be. I'm—"

Happy for her? Jungkook shakes his head. It seems like that's not the case. Namjoon thinks so, too. He sits in front of the detective.

"You're what, Jungkook-ah?" The older man opens a beer bottle for himself, "What do you feel for your wife? What does she make you feel?"

Silence creeps into the room.

Jungkook's shoulders drop. Memories from the past play in his head as he closes his eyes.

Twenty-one years ago, 2002:

11-year-old Jungkook is freezing cold.

He is out in the snow, trying to take a sneak peek at children his age playing on the school grounds. Unlike him, the students are covered with expensive coats, mittens, and a hat. Jungkook's mother is a janitress at a private elementary school in Busan. Sadly, she can't afford to send her son to this school, so Jungkook can only watch the other kids in envy.

The children here have winter camps and activities to support their growth. Today, Jungkook watches as the students make mittens. Some children give the handmade gloves to their family, friends, or teachers.

Only one girl saves her mittens for a lone stranger.

"Here," Jungkook is taken aback when a girl his age suddenly approaches him. She’s shorter than Jungkook, but her determined eyes make people think she has much to offer. 

"I said here!" Jungkook remains unmoving, so the girl pushes the mittens to his chest. "I can't see it yet, but my mum said the gloves are gray like my eyes! I made them myself."

The little girl looks proud; a huge grin is on her lips.

Jungkook blinks dumbly at her, "Why...." He takes in a deep breath, clutching the warm gloves to his chest. "Why are you giving me these gloves?"

The little girl looks confused; she even lets out a small huh. Jungkook thinks the girl didn't hear him, so he repeats his words.

You are that little girl. You shrug your shoulders. "Because I want to. You look cold. I don't want to see you cold."

"But," Jungkook's lips tremble. He is having a hard time accepting the gift. "I have nothing to trade you with."

"Who cares?" You sit beside him. "I don't want anything. I just want to be friends."

Present; 2023:

Until now, Jungkook has no idea why you wish to be friends with someone like him. Clearly, you were a world apart. It was winter then. Maybe it was a Winter miracle—if this is even a thing.

But Jungkook is sure of one thing:

"She makes me feel warm, Namjoon-hyung." The detective finally answers his friend's question earlier. "My wife makes me warm, loved, and hopeful."

****

You receive a text message from Namjoon asking you to pick up a hammered Jungkook.

"Hey, you're leaving already?" Taehyung sees you leaving the office.

You rub the back of your neck and smile softly at Taehyung, "Yes. I have to pick up my husband."

"Ah." Taehyung nods, "Jungkook, isn't it? The detective from earlier?"

"Mn. I'm really sorry about what happened."

"It's nothing," Taehyung assures. It will probably take him a long time to forget his encounter with those two strange detectives, but it's not so bad. They apologized and said it was an honest mistake. He motions toward the door, "You brought your car, right? Let’s go down together.”

“You’re going home too?”

“Not yet.” Taehyung opens the office door for his soulmate. “Just gonna get coffee.”

Taehyung’s obsession with caffeine doesn’t go unnoticed by you. Taehyung joined your team only this week but has probably gone to the coffee shop downstairs more than your team did.

You brush it off. It’s none of your business. What matters to you is what Jungkook drinks. After bidding Taehyung goodbye, you immediately rush to Namjoon’s house. He is absolutely right. Jungkook is wasted.

"Why did you let this asshole drink so much!?" You bare your teeth at Namjoon. "You know how he is, Namjoon! Did he even eat before chugging down soju? Soju! You made him drink soju!? Namjoon, you golden-eyed clumsy bastard! Your eye color looks like horse piss!"

You are getting creative with your insults now that you can see colors. Namjoon shakes his head. He likes you better when you still see in black and white; at least then, you don’t go around terrorizing people and their eye color.

"I'm sorry. He forced himself into my home." Namjoon throws Jungkook under the bus. He'd rather get a playfully upset Jungkook than a screaming girl like you.

You know better than to put all the blame on Namjoon, though. You know Jungkook drank himself stupid because he can't handle it when you are genuinely mad at him.

You swallow your fury, "You know what? Just…have a good night, Namjoon-oppa. I'm sorry for shouting and the trouble. I'll make it up to you some other time."

You drag Jungkook to your car.

The detective is no fun when drunk. He just passes out. You can't even get blackmail material out of this hell.

"Fucking finally." You cover your husband with a blanket after cleaning him up and changing his clothes into new ones.

"Bastard." You sneer but still end up softly kissing Jungkook's forehead.

Ah. The things you do for love.

****

Jungkook wakes up with a stomachache and a sweaty forehead. He dramatically whines, cradling his stomach like he has been shot there.

Thankfully, you show up at once. You are carrying a tray with a full meal.

"My stomach hurts." He complains, earning an eye roll from you.

"Of course it does. You fucking drank alcohol on an empty stomach. You also had that stupid drink at the coffee shop. Just what the hell are you thinking?"

You sit on the bed. You first brush your husband's fringe with your fingers, then cup his cheeks and casually wipe the side of his mouth.

"Here, eat something."

Jungkook doesn't need to tell you to feed him. You bring a spoonful of food to his mouth, gently urging him to eat.

The detective moans. Your food tastes like heaven, even better than those Michelin restaurants. "My wife is such a great cook. Thank you~~"

"Whatever. Just don't moan, bastard." You can feel your cheeks turning hot. You easily get flustered with compliments.

Jungkook suddenly wonders if Taehyung has said something to make you blush, too.

"Oi, Jungkook. Don't tell me you don't have an appetite anymore. You barely ate!"

It's not like the detective doesn't want to eat anymore. His mood only plummets when he thinks about your soulmate.

Jungkook utters your name softly and asks, "Are you happy?"

"What kind of question is that?" You scrunch your nose, but you still answer. "Of course I'm happy." I have you in my life.

"No. I mean, are you happy you can see colors now?"

"I'm happier." You are surprised at how quickly you answered. Maybe because it's never hard for you to tell the truth. But still...you don't want to sound insensitive. You know your husband has yet to see colors.

You try again, "I mean...seeing colors makes my job easier, and I’m not just saying this because I'm getting promoted soon." People in their world have a greater chance of success once they see colors. 

"I guess I appreciate my job even more. It makes me feel alive, if you will. Things seem "livelier..."

You look into Jungkook's brown eyes. You can see them sparkling. For the first time in twenty-plus years you have known Jungkook, this is the only time you have seen how pink his lips are.

You can feel your heart thumping.

Looking at Jungkook with colors makes you feel "More." You whisper, "I feel things more with colors, Jungkook."

More love.

More joy.

And more clarity about what you really feel about your best friend.

"That's good, then." Jungkook rests his head on your shoulders. "I'm glad you're happy."

He really is. If he can go back to last night, Jungkook won't hesitate to tell Namjoon that, even though it hurts him, he's glad you met the one fated to you.

*****

Months pass, and things get even better for you. You got promoted twice and now handle one of your company's major customers. Your wallet gets fatter—so shouting at Namjoon to tell Hoseok to calm down doesn’t work anymore. Your free time is almost non-existent, though. It makes Jungkook sigh.

“Hey, Jungkook. You’re free to go.” Jungkook’s mood soars when his partner at work approaches him.

“Seokjin-hyung!” Jungkook’s jaw drops to the floor. “Did I hear you right? Are you seriously allowing me to get off work an hour earlier!?”

Seokjin is a hardworking detective who does not joke around since he knows his job affects the public's general welfare. Still, he also knows that you and Jungkook are celebrating your anniversary as a married couple for ten years.

“Just go, Jungkook-ah.” Seokjin pushes him. “Just leave before I change my mind. And for heaven’s sake, get your wife anything but flowers. No one wants to see you sneezing all day. Keep your snots away--!!”

Jungkook walks faster, not wanting to hear his work partner complain. So what if he sneezes all day? So what if he’s allergic to flowers? You love flowers, so he’ll get you bouquets.

Humming, Jungkook makes his way to the flower shop. The snowflakes fall lightly. It’s winter. Jungkook met you in the winter of 2002. You also got married in winter, the year 2013. Other people don’t like this season, especially Hoseok, who watched Namjoon suffer a fall accident because of slippery ground three years ago. Thank goodness Namjoon is okay now.

Jungkook buys flowers and your favorite wine. He’s almost home when a ghost from the past blocks his way.

“Oh, if it isn’t the beloved scoundrel of my bitch of a soulmate.”

Jungkook stiffens, eyes turning dark as he takes in the lone figure of his father.

“Jeon Sungmin.” Jungkook’s tone is scathing.

“The one and only.” Sungmin juts his chin. “Did you miss me, son?”

“Don’t call me that.” Jungkook clenches his fist. Unadulterated anger fills his heart. He’s trying hard not to punch this pathetic man. “In case you forgot, I still have a restraining order against you. I can even arrest you myself.”

Sungmin lets out a sardonic laugh. It’s loud—the kind of laughter that makes Jungkook’s skin itch. He can’t see colors but could’ve sworn he sees blood. Maybe he just wants to claim blood.

“Don’t act so tough on me, boy. In case you forgot, you just stood like a dumb bastard when I killed your bitch of a mom.”

“Stop.” Jungkook chokes, feeling a lump forming in his throat. He can’t breathe. Memories have come to haunt him.

“Scared, aren’t we?” Sungmin drags his limping feet to Jungkook. Twenty years in prison broke his body but not his soul. Even with only his tattered clothes and one functioning eye, Sungmin can still bring terror to his son.

“You should be. You’re nothing but a pathetic scourge.” Sungmin pulls Jungkook’s collar, slamming him into a cold wall. “Now be of use and give me money.”

Jungkook doesn’t move. His eyes droop, wanting to puke as he feels his father stealing his wallet. He hears screams inside his head, the pleas of his mother. Jungkook-ah, run. Please. You have to save yourself. 

Jungkook remains rooted in his spot back then, just hollowly looking at the blood on the floor. He watched as Sungmin smashed the baseball bat into his mother’s head.

More screams. Sungmin didn’t stop the beating until the police officers came.

Twenty years later, Jungkook is still the same. He still can’t stand up for himself. He watches his father take his wine and wallet, leaving like nothing happened.

Jungkook doesn’t know how he manages to walk back home. He stays outside, ruined flowers in his lap. He cannot get in as his keys are inside his stolen wallet.

Jungkook could only wait for a purple-eyed girl whose eyes he thought were gray.

****

Like Jungkook, you get off work early as well. Your secretary runs after you, saying that you can’t leave yet. However, you dismissed the secretary and passed the work on to Yeonjun instead. You hate that you are not home yet. You are actually supposed to take the day off to plan your anniversary date with your husband better.

It’s your 10th anniversary, after all. You are thinking of cooking Jungkook’s favorite food and giving him a…body massage. Many things are running into your mind—you can’t wait to try them all with your husband. Too bad work is holding you back.

“Sunbaenim, what do you think about this color combination? Is the shade of blue too dark for this winter’s theme?” Yeji excitedly shows off her design.

You rub your neck roughly, stopping yourself from throwing profanities. Calm down. Yeji is a hardworking designer who only wants the best for the team.

“I’m thinking of using an aqua frost instead. One shoulder sleeve should do the trick if—”

Oh my God. ‘Someone, please kill me now.’ You scream internally.

“Yeji,” you press your lips into a thin line. “I actually can’t entertain you right now. Would you mind checking in with Taehyung instead?”

Yeji’s shoulders drop. “Ah, Taehyung-sunbaenim isn’t here at the moment.”

“What do you mean he’s not here?” You feel your head pulsating. “Where is he?”

Everyone is so busy. Taehyung can’t possibly skip work, right?

“He’s at the coffee shop downstairs.”

That son of a--!!

You stand up abruptly. Taehyung’s coffee break ended an hour ago! How can he still be at the coffee shop!? You are seething in anger. You know Taehyung is your soulmate, but you can’t just connect to him. The first few months are okay. However, you soon realize how incompatible you and Taehyung are. Your connection starts with colors, and it also ends there. Nothing more, nothing less.

“I’m going to call him.” You exit, ignoring Yeji’s call. Honestly, what you said is half lie and half-truth. You just really, really want to leave the office. It’s a pure happenstance to bump into Taehyung in the elevator.

“Hey.” He calls your name. Remnants of joy are still visible on Taehyung’s face. Two coffee holders are in his hands—he got the whole team some drinks. “I got coffee. Where’re you going?”

“Home.” You press the elevator button. “It’s my husband and I’s anniversary.”

“Ah.” Taehyung nods in understanding. He never once shows any sign of disappointment over his soulmate spending time with another person. “Didn’t you say Detective Jeon likes eating sweets? Jimin-hyung baked a chocolate cake today. Will you accept it as my anniversary gift for you two?”

You pause. It’s like your brain short-circuits upon noticing Taehyung’s expression when he utters Jimin’s name.

Jimin—the barista and baker at the coffee shop where Taehyung frequents.

“Taehyung,” your heart stutters. “D-Do you remember your first day in the office?”

“Of course.” Taehyung offers a small smile. “It’s hard to forget that day, don’t you think? We both saw colors for the first time.”

You blink at him, not saying anything.

Taehyung avoids eye contact, thinking he’s not smart enough to understand what you implied. He tries to remember every detail of that day.

“I think I came to the office ten minutes earlier. I got everyone coffee. Come to think of it, Jimin-hyung actually saved me that day. He knows everyone’s order—Hey, are you alright?”

“You…” You gasp. “You met with Jimin before seeing me at the office, right?”

“Yes?” Taehyung’s hands are getting clammy for grasping the coffee holders. It doesn’t help that you are acting weird, making him more anxious.

“Taehyung, I think there’s been a glitch.”

Yeji goes after you a few minutes later. Both of you and Jimin are taking too long. Luckily, she instantly spots you at the elevator door. You look agitated, while Taehyung seems dumbfounded.

“Sunbaenim!” Yeji tries to stop you two, but you and Taehyung have already gotten inside the lift.

“Yeji, there you are.” Taehyung passes the coffee holders to Yeji. “Drink this with the others. We’ll be taking another break. See you later.”

“Wait—!!”

The elevator door closes.

Yeji whines, “I still have to show you my designs….”

****

You rush home, excited to see your husband. However, your excitement quickly turns into horror when you spot Jungkook sitting on your porch.

“Jungkook!?” Your eyes dilate. Jungkook is staring into nothingness. You are familiar with this kind of expression, the kind where you are forced to swallow your insults because you know. 

You know something terrible happened to your husband.

You quickly open the door and pull Jungkook to his feet. The detective is still unresponsive, letting you drag him into the bathroom. You did all the work; you immediately opened the heater and got warm clothes.

“Kook,” you call softly, cradling Jungkook’s hands to blow on them. “ Can you lift your arms for me? Let’s get you changed, alright?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer but does what he’s told. You are shaking as you help your husband change. You want to give the detective warm water and candies, but Jungkook still looks shaken. You can only gently drag him to bed. You lay down beside Jungkook, hugging him close to your chest.

You didn’t ask any questions, allowing Jungkook to breathe first.

“I--” Jungkook hiccups, sounding broken. He weakly grips the hem of your shirt.

“I’m here, Darling.” You kiss your husband’s forehead. You hug him even tighter, wishing to melt your body and bones and offer all your warmth and love to Jungkook.

Jungkook calls your name, his voice almost sounding like a wounded animal.

You caress your partner’s cheeks. They’re wet. It takes everything in you to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. No. You can’t fall apart now. Jungkook needs you.

“Mn. I’m here. You can tell me what you want.”

“N-No.” Jungkook whimpers, “I don’t want anything. I—I don’t deserve anything.”

“Jungkook.” You break the hug and force Jungkook to sit up on the bed. He’s warm enough. He’ll live.

The detective cast his gaze down, though—an indication he doesn’t want to hear whatever you have to say.

It pisses you off.

“Jungkook. Look at me.” You demand sternly. But Jungkook shakes his head.

“No, you’re mad at me.”

“Heck yeah, I’m mad. I’m so mad I can punch your face right now.” You have been patient with him, believing he’s vulnerable and in need of space. But your heart is only soft for a sad Jungkook, not for a Jungkook who blabs stupid things.

Jungkook balls his hands into fists, “You don’t understand. It’s so noisy in here.” He points at his head, “They won’t shut up. I’m—he….”

Jungkook gasps for air. You panic. You rub Jungkook’s back.

“Jungkook,” the saddest thing in this world is not seeing colors; it’s watching your beloved deal with the pain while you sit there pathetically, unable to take even a fraction of his hurt.

What good is a soulmate when all it can bring is color? Why can’t you take away Jungkook’s pain?

“He’s back, my father is out of jail.” Jungkook grips the bedsheet, “He’s come back for me. He hurt her before. He always takes away the people I love.”

Trauma is a part of Jungkook; napping silently and with one wrong shake, it’ll wake up and wreak havoc.

“You should run. Leave me. I don’t have a use to you, anyway—”

“Hush,” you can’t bear to listen anymore. You pull Jungkook to your chest, but the detective struggles.

“Please. You have to listen to me! Just leave! We’re not soulmates. I don’t understand why you’re still here!" Jungkook pushes your chest, but you catch his hands, burying Jungkook’s face into your neck.

“Oh, ma moitié.” The French endearment sounds easy coming out of your mouth. Jungkook melts at once. He sobs against your skin.

Ma moitié translates to my other half.

Jungkook wants to curse this unfair world. That’s right. How can you and him not be each other’s other half? It’s difficult to fight for you when fate is against you two. Sometimes Jungkook feels like no one has the right to tear you apart, mainly because you two paint each other's life—not with colors but with love. You and Jungkook are soulmates by heart. Many people call you twin black. The monochromatic world doesn't rob the two of you of happiness, love, and care. It takes one Jeon Jungkook to know that you like drinking cold water, not just 'cold water.' It has to be a certain degree of coldness:

If the water sits in the refrigerator for two hours, that's not cold enough. If it's water coming from a semi-solid ice cube, then that's too cold. 

You are fussy, but you give your effort to Jungkook similarly. Whenever you pick Jungkook up from work, you never fail to put your expensive leather jacket on the passenger seat, so Jungkook wouldn't have to deal with a burning hot seat. You don’t mind being stuck in the traffic and driving for hours to pick him up at work every day.

“Why can’t you be mine?” Jungkook doesn’t have the energy to push you away. His hatred is directed toward fate, himself, and his deranged father. Why are they against you and him being together?

“But I’m already yours, Kook.” You lick Jungkook’s tears and kiss his eyes. “Everything about me belongs to you. This,”

You guide Jungkook’s hands to your eyes, lips, and neck, then lower Jungkook’s hands to your heart. You let the detective feel your beating heart.

“You hear that, Kook?” Your eyes well up with tears. “That’s my heart telling you something.”

Goosebumps prick at Jungkook’s skin.

You do not break eye contact. “I love you, Jungkook.”

You have said those words countless times before, but it doesn’t fail to take Jungkook’s breath away—especially now that the I love you is said so softly…so romantically.

“You’re my soulmate, Jungkook.”

Jungkook flinches, shaking his head rapidly.

“T-That can’t be. You…you see colors. I don’t. We’re—we’re….”

Why are you lying? Why are you giving Jungkook false hope? It’s cruel.

But you are insistent.

“Jungkook,” you kiss him. “Stop thinking for a while, yeah? Focus on me. Focus on my heart. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jungkook answers against your lips. He never responded before, simply allowing and relishing the taste of your sweet lips.

“I love you so much,” Jungkook repeats, groaning and biting your lips until it draws blood. Jungkook had never allowed himself to possess before, scared that he would end up ruining what he loved. But today is different. You are addicting. Claiming he loves you gives him so much power--

He pushes you to bed, pressing himself on top of you.

Jungkook kisses you. “I love you. I love you. I really, really love you.”

 --so much happiness.

“I love you.”

--so much color.

Jungkook stops kissing you; his head spins.

--so much color.

Color.

The monochromatic world is slowly changing.

Color.

More colors.

Jungkook’s eyes grow wide.

He looks at you under him.

He gasps and calls your name. Your name sounds like a prayer coming out of Jungkook’s mouth.

“Your eyes…they’re purple.”

You chuckle under him. You wipe Jungkook’s tears.

“Took you long enough to realize, Kook.”

Jungkook laughs hysterically. He stares into your eyes again, ensuring he’s not dreaming or going crazing.

Your eyes are really purple—not gray.

At this very moment, Jungkook realizes something: out of all the suicide methods in history, Jungkook thinks that if he were to try one, it still wouldn’t work because seeing the purple in your eyes will bring him back to life.

Really. No amount of oxygen can compare to the image of you lying on your bed, purple eyes glistening as you whisper sweet nothings to your soulmate. With that, Jungkook feels he can finally breathe.

****

Meanwhile, on Aurora Fashion Lane, Taehyung runs toward the coffee shop. The conversation he had with you at the elevator rings inside his mind.

There has been a glitch.

That’s right. Taehyung remembers that day like the back of his hand.

It’s 6:23am. He went to a coffee shop looking so composed, but he’s actually very nervous. However, the presence of the barista calms him down.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” Jimin, the barista, asks. A soft smile adores his pretty face.

Taehyung feels his heart skipping a beat. He licks his lips, “You can tell?”

“You smell different.”

“Really.” Taehyung feels blood rushing to his face.

Jimin laughs. “Don’t be conscious. I said you smell different, not bad. I can tell because I’m blind. My other senses are heightened because of it.”

“Ah.” Taehyung is fascinated. Jimin prepares coffee like a pro. He won’t know Jimin can’t see if he didn’t say it.

“This one is for your head designer; she likes her coffee with some liquor. I sneak some little candies onto her tray so she can bring them home to Detective Jeon, her husband.” Jimin pushes a coffee cup to Taehyung.

“This one is for Yeji. She prefers iced coffee even when it’s freezing cold. This one is for Ji-Eun. She likes tea and not coffee. Yeonjun never changes his order. It’s always two shots of espresso. Jake drinks anything, as long as it’s not too bitter. And this,”

Jimin smiles, “Is for you. A bulgogi sandwich and iced latte. The sandwich is not spicy, so you don’t need to worry. Have a good day.”

Taehyung feels like floating in the air when he goes to work. He first sees you at the door, looking so pensive early in the morning.

You are thinking about your husband. His birthday is coming soon. You want to give him something precious.

A wristwatch? Nah. That’s too simple.

A perfume? Nope. You prefer it when he smells like you.

What about a picnic date near the sea? You can arrange for a firework display and…

Confess.

You flinch at your own thought.

Confess.

You want to confess to Jungkook because---

--you love him.

“Good morning.” Taehyung greets.

You are startled. You snap your head up to meet Taehyung’s face.

All of a sudden, a splash of colors welcomes you.

You see colors, and so does Taehyung.

“So yeah, I think there’s been a glitch.” Taehyung tries to explain to an expressionless Jimin. He swallows when the barista doesn’t answer.

Taehyung releases a deep sigh. Right. He probably sounds crazy right now. It’s not cool to suddenly barge at someone’s work and announce that you think the barista is your soulmate.

Taehyung scolds himself. He’s about to apologize and tell Jimin to ignore what he said when—

“I know,” Jimin responds.

Taehyung blinks up at him dumbly.

Jimin’s lips twist, “Didn’t I tell you I’m blind?”

What’s his blindness got to do with anything? Taehyung still likes him.

“Taehyung, I’m blind.” He repeats. “I’ve been blind since I was born. When I dream, I don’t dream visually, but.”

There’s a sudden pause. Jimin looks lost in thought.

He continues after a while, “The night before I met you, I dreamt of you. I saw a man who told me I was his soulmate. You two have the same voice, and here…” Jimin brings out his sketch pad and finally shows it to Taehyung.

“I draw the face of the man in my dream. Does it look like you?”

Taehyung gasps dramatically because, my gosh. Jimin has perfectly drawn his face!

“This is really me…I’m your soulmate, Jimin.” Taehyung stutters a breath. His heart beats fast.

Jimin chuckles softly, and then he touches Taehyung’s eyes. “Yes, you told me in my dream, too. I’m just waiting for you to realize it in real life.”

The thing about soulmates is it’s complex. Researchers even claim there are different universes, all of which have the concept of soulmates. Some hear the thoughts of their soulmates in their heads. Some are immortals and will only die if they do the act with their soulmates. And then comes their world, a monochromatic place where you’ll see colors once you look at your soulmate’s eyes.

But it’s not that simple. Sometimes, you have to free yourself from your own judgment first. Sometimes, you must be honest first; sometimes, you just have to wait.

****

Accept this fic while I take my time writing my ongoing JJK series here.

This is originally a soukoku fic I've written before. If you prefer that version, click here. I've converted it into a JJK x reader because it was requested by an anon here. If there are obvious mistakes in pronouns and such, please tell me because as said, this is originally a fic for a different fandom and it used to be a mxm pairing. I may have missed some thing while editing it.

I've written the same concept of soulmate ft. JJK years ago. It's a series which you can read here.

I appreciate comments the most! If you have suggestions about addtional tw, please don't hesitate to message me. Thank you ~~

[suguru-getos]

୨・┈﹕✦﹕ Kinktober Day 24﹕✦﹕┈・୧

-> Event Masterlist

Geto Suguru x F!Reader -> Size Kink

Summary: After returning from your trip, you found out your boyfriend is not okay. Maybe a vacation (To Venice) ;) would help. (Mentions of Deppressed!Suguru, angst, breakdowns, toothrotting fluff and comfort, Satoru being a wonderful best friend, Suguru healing) ❤️‍🩹 Basically hurt-comfort with size!kink 😭

Warnings: Angst, breakdowns, Suguru’s deranged and suc!dal and has murderUrges, Reader (us) comfort him and pull him out from it. Mentions of reader’s breakdowns, cus I mean— 🤷🏻‍♀️ Look at him!!?? Nipple-play, breeding, softsex, sensual, FLUFFY AND NICE AND SUGURU’s so Spoiling towards us it’s just 🙈

A/N: Guys I had sm fun 🥹😵‍💫🩵 writing this I swear!! Hurt-comfort is like my favorite thing in the whole wide world <33 I love to characterize Suguru & to play around with his character. *Screeches and screams* 🍨🍦 I made him yummy thank me later xx Also can we look at the images of him above 🥵 size kink BRRRR

"If you really think, you can do everything, take everything in, save people, and somehow save yourself along with the deceitful thinking that you will protect me. Then you're wrong!" Tears welled up in your eyes, the pain clearly imminent in Suguru's eyes. He looked dead inside, and no mourning was soothing your ache for your older Suguru. You just, missed him beyond beliefs… even when he was right beside you. You hoped he would response to your cry of pain, your bleeding words, but he didn't have it in him anymore. Suguru had almost, given up on himself.

Your hands found themselves clasping onto his collar, pulling him closer to you. "Suguru, look at me, I am telling you something. Can't you fucking see how much it hurts!" You screamed, losing your calm, your temper. It felt ironical to complain to him about how much it's hurting you. You can see he's got it worse; the nights full of terrors and the days full of decaying cursed spirits. You were an empath for your lover, and it was clear staying near him was subjecting you to everything he felt. He doesn't want to see you this way, desperate and hurting…

"I'm sorry, Angel." Suguru sighed, wrecked with the way you burst into tears and hugged him. Voice choking onto sobs as you earnestly tried clutching onto him for dear life. "Sugu, come back to me please come back…" You cried, wailed and eventually dropped onto your knees. The incomprehensible feeling, the heaviness of the things Suguru was going through was making you breathless.

Suguru's heart was only breaking further apart, watching you slowly scrape away in front of him. "I want to kill myself." He finally spoke up, "No, truth is, I want to kill everyone."

This was the first time Suguru was opening up, and no matter how brutal it sounded, his eyes were still kind. Maybe because it was you, in front of him. "You are a sorcerer, too, I shouldn't say this to you, but I hate those monkeys." He radiates pessimism and negativity through him. Yet, you smile a little.

"Come with me, go away with me." You held his hands, squeezing them tightly as if you were grateful they're not cold. You truly were. They were warm, they were still your Suguru's hands.

"Please, Suguru, let's go away for some time." You urged, and he knelt with you, hugging you tightly, not caring about the whimper that escapes you because of his firm grip.

"Running away, won't solve anything." He echoed, and you felt your stomach sink. Soft sniffles echoing in the room as you shook your head like a tantrum-y child.  "No, we will solve everything. You and I, we can solve everything. No matter what it is." You cupped his face, becoming stronger for him. "It's okay to feel like this Suguru, it's okay. I'm here." You nudge, watching his eyes showing signs of at least, some life in them. "Can you, not give up?" You meant on himself, you meant on everything.

To make sure, he understands… you hummed again, "makes me feel like, I'm being abandoned."

Suguru blinked at that, letting your words settle deep within. "Makes me feel like, I'm not even worth fighting for." You looked down, not having the guts to say this to him while making eye-contact. "Please, let's elope somewhere Sugu." You crooned, babying him almost. "I will follow you to the ends of the earth anyway, even if your path is changed." You hum, and with the way your pupils fixated on your hands intertwined, Suguru knows you mean it.

"Okay, maybe… I do need a little get away." Suguru smiled tenderly, partial charm returning to his eyes.

Oh it felt like rain in famine, "Good, thank you, I love you."

"I love you too, my Angel."

---

The next thing was you booking tickets to go to Europe. You urged Satoru and Yaga to not assign any more missions for Suguru. It was hard, you and Suguru were both powerful special grade sorcerers; but hey- you both had Satoru to rely on. "I told you the moment he lost weight, he wasn't doing okay." Satoru scoffed, rolling his eyes, tapping at his feet impatiently in the café you decided to meet him in. "What the fuck is up with being the one to hide things?" Satoru was pissed, why would his best friend not communicate? "Makes him feel less of a man?" You chuckle at that, you knew Satoru loved him almost as much as you did. "I've persuaded him to go on a trip with me." "You did?" Satoru was… amazed. These days, Suguru wasn't even joining in for any normal outings. Wasn't going out of his house for weeks, wasn't even meeting you. Things worsened when you left to Korea for a mission longer than 3 weeks. You had to stay there for some Jujutsu School Collaboration initiative. That's when Suguru was off his leash, truly at his worst. Taking missions more than he should, succumbing to the darkness of his mind and the curses.

"Just, want you to handle things while we're gone." You sipped onto the iced frappe you've ordered. Meanwhile Satoru ate a mochi, seemingly absent-minded and bored. "You don't have to worry about that, you know I'd do that in a heartbeat for him." He bratted, raising a brow at you. "And you…"

You smiled at that, nodding gently. It felt good to have the 'Strongest' so whipped for your boyfriend, and platonically you, as well.

The higher-ups posed a threat, as always. 'Why is Suguru Geto not on missions?' ; 'Did he get off the job of a Sorcerer?' especially the cunt-faced Principal of Kyoto. You and Satoru personally paid him a disrespectful visit at his school. Nothing he can complain against, wouldn't sit well to anger two special grades, will it? Despite showing that the Sorcerer world is only filled with people who are willing to take on the role- example: Nanami switching from corporate jobs to a sorcerer job… it was still, at the end, a disgusting, foul powerplay hidden beneath shackles of rules. If you are a special grade sorcerer, they'd do anything to hold on to you. Even blackmails are not far off the list. Emotionally draining…

---

"I have booked us a flight to Venice, baby." You sat cross legged on the swing chair Suguru's house has, fondling with your iPad and searching for hotel venues. "Venice huh." Suguru was still numbed, but at least, not he couldn't avoid you because practically you lived with him now. "Yeah, we can go to Switzerland, and also wherever you want. I hear Germany this time of the year is beautiful." You croaked excitedly, swaying your legs as he walked towards you, sitting on the chair in front of you. "Satoru told me you and I are on a vacation for months." He came directly on the point. "The trip isn't that long, is it?" He manspreaded, raising a brow.

You gulped, smiling softly, the last thing you need is him feeling 'weak'. You had to approach this carefully. "Suguru, I think you and I have done enough missions for a while. I want us to spend some time together, to ourselves." You added some degree of truth, "Also, I don't want you to keep eating curses and letting them eat you from the inside and I don't want to lose the person I love the most in my fucking life." With the way you affirmatively snapped, there was no way, Suguru would battle against it. A soft nod was all you got as a response.

"Alright, I will handle the packing. Don't want you screeching like a wild animal when you discover you forgot your charger." He leaned in, giving you a chaste peck & you giggled. "Of course."

---

The packing, the preparations, the dressing up and going to the Airport, the flight where you slept leaned against his shoulder. All went by in a tender haze of beautiful memories. Inflicted and infected by his sadness, still. Though you wouldn't mind. You're ready to accept him rotten if needed.

When you two reached Venice, the Victorian style hotel with the boats and the beautiful lakes was in fact, refreshing for him; and you. You knew it because Suguru had stopped going to your shared balcony of the house, now here he was, standing there, observing the people. The couples giggling and kissing each other, the boat rowers singing in their native Italian language, the streets with so much hustle and bustle… yet calming. You hugged him from behind, breathing in his scent. "Like it?" "Love it, my beautiful baby." He crooned back, turning towards you and pulling you closer to him by your hips. "I love you." He chanted, almost in a way that he used to when he first asked you out. These past few months were hard and rough, but if you were able to have him back, even infinitely slowly… you'd dedicate it to eradicating all his sadness.

"If you want, I can dress very Lana Del Rey today and we could make steamy love." You giggled, leaning in and kissing him softly. Suguru and you… yeah, haven't made love in a while. You'd never push him when he isn't feeling it, and naturally, someone who's suffering so much would have it at the last thing on his mind.

"You're right, how disappointing of me… I don't remember the last time I treated you, I worshipped you." He thought out loud, and you pouted. "It's okay Suguru, don't think about it like that. Think about how you're gonna make it up to me." You stuck your tongue out, giggling.

It's the way he looks at you, like he's starving and you're delectable. It's the way his eyes are loud enough with their projection of love that it quiets the world down for you. It's the way Suguru Geto breathes, that makes you love him so much you'd break.

Right now, he's doing the same thing… being himself. Hands wandering to your sides and helping you wrap your legs around his waist as he walked towards the shared bedroom of the hotel. Leaning in and kissing you passionately, shoving his tongue just to show how much he's been deeply yearning. Admiration coated in every action. "So lucked out that I have you." He smiled to himself, kissing your forehead deeply once you were nestled into the succumbing softness of the mattress.

"Same," you grin back, watching him undress you with his eyes first, and then his hands followed. You mimicked the same movements.

"I can't handle the fucking hotness!" You whined, once he was left in his pants, upper body naked for you to devour. Suguru chuckled, heat rushing through his cheeks and core as he cupped your face, kissing you once again.

The thing about you and him is, Suguru is big. He's built like a bulky man. Stretched to 6'3'', broad shoulders that'd hold two of you, hands big enough you miss almost an inch if you were to compare his with yours. Yeah, Suguru was big and you were tiny. Something that only aided to you being subbier and smaller to him. Letting him manhandle and take all the control that he wants to.

"Who do you belong to, darling?" He cooed, watching you instantly answer. "You, forever and always."

It warms his heart when he hears that, spreading your damp pussy lips with his fingers and thrusting a finger into you. It's been… long. He knows it with the way you're clamping for dear life, just on his digit. "Sh-i-t," You croak out, while Suguru hushed you with a soft kiss, slowly moving his finger in and out of your pussy. Once he felt you had accepted his finger's girth, he inserted another one. "AH god-" You whined, mewling at the delicious stretch of his thick and long fingers being coated with your essence. "You want to make sweet love and you're so worked up with the fingers alone." He chuckled to himself, stretching you out so good, curling them against the familiar sensitive spot.

Your back arched, the way your pussy clamped as if she was a slave to his hands and cock.

"Oh she's close." He cooed, "Go on, cum for me then I can ruin you with me." He kissed your pelvis, holding it down as your orgasm raked through you, approaching fiercely and shuddering your body against him as waves of pleasure took over you. "Good girl. Good little girl." Suguru praised, riding it out for you. Once the orgasm's high settled, Suguru took out his fingers and suckled onto them, eyes never leaving yours.

"Want you, so bad!" You gasped out, pulling him closer to you by wrapping your legs around him, feeling the imprint of his cock into you. "Alright alright, impatient little girl." He smirks, pushing the tip of his pre-leaking cock into you in one swift stroke. Mean, Suguru Geto is mean sometimes… especially when he wants you to be scream at the stretch only he can give you. No one else, he wants your pussy to know only how he feels. Damn he's big, and when he pushes himself balls deep, your pussy is strained beyond its limit. "Shit- s- so big Sugu." You whimper out, tearing up at the ache.

"Ssh, it's okay darling. I'm still. Adjust to me, go on." Suguru patiently waits, kissing your face all over, leaning in and kissing your breasts, suckling onto your nipples while you clamped and waited for the pain to settle in.

"Move, please…" You glance at him now, doe-eyed and insatiable.

"Of course, took you some time to adjust to me huh? Tiny little baby." He smiles, thrusting into you without relent. Your womb stops him from going in any further, your insides torn apart deliciously at the feeling of being ploughed by him. "Oh- G- oh God," words fail you, the air choked out of your lungs with how good it hurts, with how pleasureful it feels.

Suguru's hand laced around your pelvis, pressing on it gently. "Got you," He smirks cockily, holding your hand and keeping it on your pelvis, enveloped by his own as he pressed.

A shrill scream filled the room, "Oh you can sense it, can't you sweetheart? Sense how deep I reach?" You moan at the pressure, pushing you closer and closer to the edge as you hopelessly nodded. Gasping and choking on air. "God yes, Sugu- AH please- oh my- g'nna," You whimpered, while Suguru was at a rhythmic pace now. Sometimes pulling all the way out and pushing back all the way in. He loved seeing you walk the rope between pleasure and pain.

"Good girl, with the way you're holding onto me, I can sense you're close." Suguru hummed, grounding you with his kisses, his spoiled little praises.

"Go on, show me how much you missed me."

"Just like (thrust) I (thrust) missed (thrust) this (thrust) pussy-" Suguru toppled off the edge right with you, painting your insides white with his warmth. "Oh god- fuck-"

You shudder, spasming around his cock and milking him further.

"That's it, I got you. I got you." Suguru reminded, leaning in and kissing you softly, tenderly, as if you'd break if he were to touch you wrong.

"I missed you, I missed this." He mused to himself, blushing a little at the sight of you fucked out and half-lidded. You nodded, still taking ragged breaths. "I love you"

"I love you too, Angel."

[lovelybee666]

I was wondering if you could do a fluttershy (Mlp) type reader x any happy critters of your choice (but please add catnap) and how they would react to them being very shy towards others. Only if your able to thank you and have a good night/day

YANDERE!DOGDAY, YANDERE!BOBBY AND YANDERE!CATNAP X READER LIKE FLUTTERSHY FROM MLP

Pink text: You(in the Dogday one)

DOGDAY

• PROTECT THE LITTLE BEAN‼️‼️

• That's what Dogday thinks when he saw how shy you are.

• He likes spying on you much than before.

• He is the only decent one who does not manipulate you or threaten to kill you (BRO, WE NEED MORE YANDERES WHO DON'T KILL PEOPLE)

• If you have a voice similar to Fluttershy, HE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE 24/7 He doesn't want you to shut up, "oh I'm sorry I talked too much..." KEEP TALKING.

• How can someone be so adorable just by being shy??? Not even Dogday understands why he likes your shy personality so much.

• In general, he loves you and likes to see how shy you are.

CATNAP

• He thinks your shyness is cute but he doesn't show it.

• Call me crazy but he knows how to hide his emotions perfectly.

• If you get nervous when he looks at you, HE WILL DO IT BUT EVEN MORE INTENSELY just because he finds it SO adorable.

• He threatens to kill all your friends if you think about leaving him.

• He likes how shy you are but he doesn't mind breaking your arm if you try to abandon him.

• with your shyness it will be easier to manipulate and threaten you, according to Catnap.

• There's not much to say, there aren't THAT many changes whether you're shy or not.

BOBBY BEARHUG

• UGGGHHH YOU ARE SO ADORABLE!_28!#9[¥§~[€§

• EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS SO ADORABLE.

• she leaves you locked in her hut and pampers you.

• she loves how shy you are.

• she loves you so much but she doesn't want you to walk away, what if someone hurts such a sweetheart like you!? She can't allow that!

• 100% manipulator

• she tells you that it is not worth leaving her hut, THE HUT OF YOU TWO.

• She will convince you to stay with her, she will use your shyness at her own command.

• Even though in the end, she loves you and only wants the best for you, she would never forgive herself if some fucking idiot corrupted you.

I loved writing this tbh, I may hate yandere dynamics but it's fun to write.

[banj0possum]

Can we get a zombie horde with a gn! Reader where their abusive family finds them again?

after years of inactivity im fucking back ! sorry for the long long wait but at least im able to put out a few more fics !

Zombie Horde!Reader's Abusive Family Finds Them Again

CW: verbal abuse, abusive family, (mentioned) being rejected food

💀 You haven't always been alone in your travels, in fact, you were with your family when the outbreak happened. But to be fair, you never liked your family..

💀 They would always bully you, boss you around, even put the blame on you whenever something bad happened, the torment didn't end even when there were zombies banging on your doors!

💀 In fact, because of the virus, they got even more cruel to you.

💀 They would take away your food rations for any small mistake you did, make you take the night watch for days on end, even send you out to get supplies just because 'you talked back that one time'!

💀 You couldn't take it anymore and left, knowing anywhere would be better than being stuck in a house of people who did nothing but torture you.

💀 You thought you were safe from them, cuddled up with Ribs in your bed as the others wandered around the abandoned mall, but it all came back when you heard a familiar voice shout out your name from the distance..

💀 "(Y/N)?! I know you're here you runt!"

💀 It was your dad...

💀 Ribs sat up as soon as he heard it and snarled, crawling out of bed and going out to see the commotion.

💀 Your heart raced as you followed him, but it was hard to walk with your body trembling at the thought of seeing him or any of your family again.

💀 "Jesus there's four of them!" "What are you waiting for you stupid bitch?! Shoot em!"

💀 It seems your mom was also there..

💀 You run the broken escalator and see the horde fighting with your family, gunshots ring throughout the mall as you see your beloveds blasted with bullets.

💀 You weren't scared though, they were dead after all, but it was still heartbreaking seeing them get hurt.

💀 You pick up a nearby rock and throw it at your dad to get his attention away from the boys. They all look at you, your family glaring at you while the horde coos at your presence.

💀 "(Y/N) you come here right this fucking second we're coming home!" Your mother shouts at you, walking over angrily and grabbing your arm strong enough to leave a red ring.

💀 Bo fumes and pulls her of you "You stay away from my mate ya hear me?!" he growls.

💀 "It talks?!" She yelps as your dad comes over as well. "Mate? Don't tell me you're hangin out with these monsters! Are you that much of a dumbass?!" he scolds you.

💀 You shrink, knowing whatever you say will make things worse..

💀 "Why you little whore.." Your dad growls, about to slap you, but Screw runs over and pushes your dad away, sending him back a few feet.

💀 Ribs and Soda smile and clap as Bo and Screw help you up.

💀 "You ok darlin?" Bo asks you in a sweet tone. "Is your arm ok? Does is hurt? Do you need a bandaid? I have a pink one with a cat on it.." Screw looks at the mark your mother gave you.

💀 You smile and assure them everything's ok.

💀 "Fucking freaks..(Y/N) do you hear me?! Get your ass up and let's go!" Your dad yells at you again as he stand up.

💀 "They're not going anywhere mean guy!" Ribs growls at him.

💀 Your mom is to the side next to Soda, she sneers at him and he looks back at her, giving her the middle finger, making her scoff and look away.

💀 In a shaky tone, you ask how they found you. You've cut off contact with them for months, there was no way they could find you..

💀 "Hah! Your dumbass thought you were just some person in the middle of nowhere? Half the state knows about your little talkin freak boyfriends!"

💀 You look down in shame as Bo and Screw comfort you "I think it's about time you folks leave..." Bo says, glaring at your parents.

💀 "Oh no you're not kicking us out! We came all this way to get this ungrateful little leech back! We gave them shelter and this is how they repay us?! You should've learned your place and stayed put!" he berates you. You finally snap and yell back at him, telling him all the things you've endured in their household, how you were treated like dirt every day, how you were much better off without them.

💀 Finally you firmly tell them to leave, pointing to the exit as you look at him with no fear left in your eyes. He scoffs "Fine..go get killed on your own then! Don't come to us for any fucking help!" he yells as he leaves, your mom in tow.

💀 Ribs laughs at them as they leave while Soda smiles at you.

💀 After the whole interaction, you were completely exhausted, the boys huddling up with you to calm you down.

💀 You give them all well-deserved kisses for protecting you, they all coo and chirp at the affection and kiss you back.

💀 "Do you still want that bandaid?" Screw asks you softly.

💀 You say yes.

this one was pretty short but expect more fics to be sent soon ! love you guys and remember that youre awesome and amazing !

[dimplyowl]

You know, I really wonder what my thoughts would be on Izzy if there wasn’t an entire subset of the fandom that was deluded that he’s actually the main character and is the victim in this entire thing, because you know what? My first couple watchthroughs I didn’t really care about him. I didn’t like him. But I was just kind of like “hey that’s an interesting character and he sucks and I wonder where they’re gonna go with him next season” and that was about it.

And then I learned about them and saw the kinds of takes they had on Ed and Izzy’s relationship and the gross take that Ed is abusive when we only ever see Ed responding to what other people, izzy included, do to him, not instigating and trying to hurt people.

And it wasn’t until then that I started to actually hate him, and the way people were making allowances for his behavior, behavior that is the same as behavior shown by the Badmintons and Stede’s father toward Stede, and the way the story was being twisted to make the poc the bad guy, when Izzy is very clearly an antagonist in s1.

I had even read the occasional steddyhands, if it was by an author I liked. And now I don’t want him anywhere near my boys. Not unless there’s some kind of textual acknowledgement of all the shit he pulled (and sorry, but even the deathbed apology in canon just wasn’t enough for me, though at least it was something).

But I just wonder, what would I think about him if I hadn’t seen people talking like Izzy was a victim and thought “well now that doesn’t seem right”. Cause I can tell you for sure that before all this, I didn’t give two shits about him either way and I hate that now I have to overcompensate for the apologists because of takes like that. like i get liking a villain. i actually fucking love Ricky and wish we had gotten more of him in s2. the difference is that I'm not over here talking about how poor Ricky was abandoned and lost his nose and his plan to destroy all pirates was swindled and how sad that is and how depressing that stede was a bitch to him. I'm just over here enjoying that he sucks and that i hope he gets what he deserves in s3 (because I'm fully deluded that s3 is still coming).

[enavstars]

May you bliss us with your angst ninja headcanons?

mainly kai pls

Sorry for the delay. You asked mostly for Kai's so I delivered. If anyone wants more hcs about the others I can work on it some time in the future (I also have more of Kai).

Now the hcs:

• All the ninja have PTSD from everything they’ve been through

• And abandonment issues

• Cole has an eating disorder and eats when he’s stressed, this is one of the reasons he is very insecure of his weight. People online poke at him for it

• Jay's terrified of losing his loved ones again because of him. That is another reason why he went absolutely crazy post Seabound, as he thinks it was his fault Nya had to resort to sacrificing herself

• He used to be bullied for living in a junkyard before becoming a ninja and that's why he was ashamed of it

• Zane always shoves down everything wrong that happens to him (e.g being the Ice Emperor for way too long to be ok about it) because he puts the team and their needs first.

• Nya has nightmares from the time she died in skybound but doesn't tell anyone.

• She had to keep her work and love life secret from her brother for fear that he would shut her down to protect her. Her fear persisted well into s1 and that's why she felt she had to hide Samurai X even from Kai

• Lloyd still admires his uncle despite his obsession with the green ninja (and all the neglect that came with it) because he's the only relative that actually took him in

• All of the ninja have at some point hidden an injury at least once. But Kai and Nya are the ones that do it more often (Nya specially when she was samurai X), and know how to treat mild wounds because of it.

• Kai and Nya do physical activities when they’re stressed or have emotions they don’t want to process. They can do their thing like Kai working in the forge and Nya doing mechanics but they usually train, however they can go on for hours (Kai has passed out a few times)

• Kai and Zane have a very poor sense of self. Zane’s comes from him not valuing his life and thinking he’s expendable since he can be rebuilt, ignoring all the trauma that comes from getting severely hurt or “dying”. Kai has problems seeing his worth as a human being because he’s never lived for himself; everything he does is for someone else and so he thinks his value resides in what he can do for other people. 

• Kai is terrified of the idea of being alone, it’s his worst fear.

• He has THE WORST coping mechanisms and Zane is confused on how his body was able to go through all of them (Alcoholism, illegal fights, smoking…)

• Kai is an insomniac, he barely sleeps most nights and instead just waits until he passes out (He has very deep eyebags because of it but hides them with make up, covering his freckles too). He sometimes bumps into some other ninja at night since they all have fucked up sleep schedules. 

• Lloyd also has a lot of problems sleeping because of nightmares and goes to Kai or Nya’s room where he feels safer (mostly into Kai’s). Sometimes they stay up at night chilling or they try to sleep. In those cases the nights with Lloyd are the ones where Kai sleeps the most because he feels safer too.

• Kai has chronic depression because of his fucked up childhood

• Lloyd thought he had depression too for a while but it turned out to be autistic burnout because of the stress of being the green ninja. But he can’t properly rest or heal from the burnout so he’s exhausted most of the time.

• When he’s stressed Kai forgets to eat and can go days with very little food because he’s used to it from being poor in his childhood.

• Genuinely forgot what it feels like to be a kid and have no responsibilities so it’s his personal mission to not let that happen to Lloyd. Kai would be devastated if Lloyd ended up like him.

• Kai sometimes feels insecure about his face scars and contemplates hiding them with make up.

• Kai’s touch starved but terrified of letting people in.

• He hides his negative emotions as anger and when the others try to reach out to him he pushes them away by getting angry at them until it's mutual and they leave him alone.

• Never told the others about what he did after Zane’s “death”. He fixed himself up, alone.

[sawyerconfort]

the yellowjackets when you wear their shirts would include...

Hi, I promised I would come back and I just disappeared, I'm really sorry! As I mentioned before, my computer has been having huge problems, and I've tried to fix it before, but it looks like I'm going to have to format it after all.

In the meantime, I've got a laptop abandoned at home and I'm trying to write on it. Half the delay was because I was trying to adjust to the new method and the other half because I really had no idea for these requests and giving you shitty stuff would not be fair at all.

Ok, so here we go, probably for a wave of headcannons with other fandoms (AHS fans, I promise I'll answer all of your asks, don't worry!

Enjoy!

Requests will be a little closed for a while just until I get my act together! Sorry for the delay and closing!

If you can also let me know in the replies if you want more prompts and headcannons with the yellowjackets, I would appreciate it! And let me know if you want me to include Travis or\and Coach Ben on it too...

--------------------------

Jackie Taylor

I don't think Jackie would make a fuzz about it. Alright, she would probably be surprised on the first day. But because she's supposedly the most popular girl in school, she's even happy that you're being influenced by her style, after all, that's what popular girls are for, right?

It will also depend a lot on your relationship. If you are friends, for example, Jackie will insist on letting you take some clothes that no longer fit her. And if you're dating, she'll make sure to tease you as much as she can until you express the reaction that pleases her the most.

"You look beautiful, (Y\N), my style really suits you, like I always said."

Shauna Shipman

Shauna wouldn't mind too much about you wearing her clothes either, but unlike Jackie, I think she'd be pretty insecure about commenting on it, kind of afraid that it would make you stop wearing it, and also, of course, due to her internal issues with herself.

But Shauna would find it incredibly adorable, though, and would give you some signs that she liked the offbeat idea, her way. This includes not-so-subtle glances while you're wearing the fabric, or some clothes, which are her favorites as well, laid out on the bed when you come to visit… Little details that let you know that Shauna isn't bothered at all therefore.

I mean, unless it's her flannels, these inseparable fucking flannels… Those no one can take, not even a significant other.

"Uh… You look cute, (Y\N), in my outfit… I like it."

Natalie Scatorccio

I don't think Natalie would mind you wearing her clothes. In fact, I think it would be a good opportunity for her to take advantage of this and tease you as much as she can. She will do anything to make you self-conscious and blush, but not in a bad way. Like, that's just her love language.

And, let's face it, Natalie is needy enough not to let her scent wash off her clothes when you take them off. On nights when she needs to sleep alone, if you're dating, she'll purposefully grab one of her pieces of clothing and smell in the scent to keep you close.

"Hey, sweetie, lookin' pretty, huh? Is this outfit mine by any chance?"

Taissa Turner

I'm a hundred percent sure that Tai would be one of those people who abominate clichés, unless she's doing it herself. So, at first, this idea of sharing clothes with her significant other is something she would find completely silly. The first time, she would just kindly tell you to stop it, in a way that doesn't hurt your feelings (I love a soft-hearted Tai, don't judge me!).

But then, as time goes on, I'm also one hundred percent sure that Tai would buy clothes in her style that exclusively fit you. It's kind of her guilty pleasure, since spoiling you is one of her most practiced love languages. And well, considering the tantrum she threw the first few times, how much you've evolved is impressive.

"Okay honey, which one do you want to wear today?"

Lottie Matthews

Okay, get ready for the biggest love bomb you've ever received in your life. Lottie would be completely adorable about your wearing her clothes, and not only would she not mind at all, she would make a point of convincing you that you are one of the lost paintings by one of the famous artists of past centuries, or something like that.

In fact, it's kind of a headcannon on my part that Lottie doesn't have her own style and that she's always looking for something that makes her belong somewhere (some clothes in her teens she wore because of her mother's influence, just because it would please her, you know? )

So, seeing you wearing the dresses that she finds extremely over the top, or the blouses that have too much detail and too little simplicity, is like one of the greatest achievements of her life, if not the greatest. I don't think Lottie ever liked that flashy style more than when you started stealing it from her.

"Wow, wow, wait a minute! Wow, (Y\N), I think you wearing this made me a hundred times more in love with you! Wear it more, babe. You can wear my clothes as much as you like."

Van Palmer

(Okay, since Liv identifies as they\them, I'm going to change the pronouns for this one, hope you don't mind!)

Van and Natalie would have the same approach when it comes to stealing their clothes. But, I think, as an honest opinion, Van would turn this more into a flirting game than anything else. They are simply obsessed (it reads turned on) when you wear something of theirs.

And of course, this opens the door for some good teasing that will inevitably end in making out. Like, how would you handle it, with Van looking you up and down and smirking with that smile you're completely drawn to every time? It's almost impossible for nothing to happen.

I'm also pretty sure that if you were dating, they wouldn't let you have only your clothes in your closet or in your bags. There would always have to be three or more pieces of them that you could use as much or as little as you wanted.

"Wow! Watch out, everyone! There's an extremely hot living being crossing the room, and look what a coincidence, they're wearing my clothes!"

Misty Quigley

Misty would probably have the best reaction ever. Then she, who was always ridiculed for her attitudes and style, having someone who was able to wear her clothes as if they were completely ordinary. Are you kidding? You'll practically make her day if you do something like that!

Obviously, she would be embarrassed and reluctant to ask you the first time why you were doing it, but Misty Quigley has two sides to the coin, and one of them being the impulsive side, I think that would be the one that would beat her to the courage. And your response of the type "because I love your style" would simply keep her up all night.

By the next morning, her entire circle of potential friends would have known about it…

"OH MY GOD! Are these… are these my clothes? Okay, now you really need to let me do your makeup, (Y\N)!"

Laura Lee

(Same thing as Liv\Van, but I don't really know if Laura Lee would use neutral pronuns... It's all because of Jane Widdop, our baby!)

Laura Lee would be pretty surprised if you showed up wearing their clothes, and honestly, I don't think there would be any malice on their part when you did. More than a possible sign that they could be more than friends to you, this would mean that you could, above all, be friends.

They would find it extremely sweet, actually, the effort and dedication you put into choosing an item of clothing that they loved, but was also comfortable for you. In short, Laura Lee would just adore you even more, if that were even possible!

"Oh! Oh! I can't believe it! You look beautiful wearing this, (Y\N). In God's eyes and mine mostly."

[knifeforkspooncup]

Anyone who's freaking out right now: take a deep breath and count to 10 (like Crowley - er, maybe not.) It's going to be OK.

Now here's some (hopefully grounding) words from someone who is not freaking out, nor particularly surprised by the allegations against Neil, AND who has no plans on abandoning this fandom:

Celebrity Worship is not and never will be a necessary or healthy component of fandom, the creation of art, or life in general.

If you are feeling completely unmoored right now, I'm telling you with all the compassion and gentleness of someone who has been in your shoes: it's time to untangle yourself from worshipping celebrities or interacting with them at all beyond their art. It's time to consciously deplatform celebrities.

Because if this is your first rodeo, it sure as hell will not be your last. And if it isn't your first rodeo, I promise this won't even be the most painful one.

Celebrities are not your friends. Neil, Michael, David are not your friends, or your LGBTQIA+ heroes, or One of the Good Ones. They are all just people. Mediocre, privileged, wealthy people capable of horrific and terrific acts. Every single one of them will eventually fall from the pedestal (some more spectacularly than others.)

I'm not talking about "separate the art from the artist" once you've found out the artists sucks. I'm talking about not worshipping the artist to begin with. Ever. Even if the artist seems good.

I'm seeing so many people afraid this means they can't engage in this fandom, and to that I say: This fandom space is a living, breathing community, and therefore morally neutral. There is good here, there is bad here, just like the people within it, just like there is in each of us. No one can change that or take this space from you or change what it is. Neil doing something morally wrong does not make you engaging with Good Omens morally wrong (it may change how you spend your money though but that's a different post.)

So take a step back or bury yourself in fanfiction, be angry or sad, do whatever you have to do to get through the initial panic and take care of yourself, and then start prying your fingers off these people.

Anyone who's struggling and reliving their trauma right now because of this, I'm holding you so so close and I'm so fucking sorry if this is bringing things back.

The primary reason I divorced myself from celebrity culture was my own trauma and not wanting things I loved to be inevitably ripped away from me or tainted.

Anyone who's using victim blaming language to try to defend Neil: you are hurting your fellow fandom members. Neil does not need your help. He's a big boy with a lot of money and a lot of very powerful friends.

Finally: ask yourself how you're going to feel when you inevitably find out David and Michael aren't Good People. My answer is: exactly the same as I did yesterday. What's yours?

Also note: everything I've said here does not change no matter what the outcome of the allegations are, but in my house we believe victims.

[nvuy]

would u ever write jy w/ a reader who was a part of the high cloud quintet? ig u would say sextet here (insert sex joke) but just curious!!!

i would, maybe. i have this idea of a very short fic bordering on less than 10 chapters if possible surrounding the idea, though.

like something to do with lan, how they pierced the sky, and you are a piece of it that holds the skies together for the xianzhou. something like that.

it would be unbridled angst because i can. this post is so fucking long sorry. i definitely don’t have problems…

i think what would hurt the most is that jingliu would’ve accepted you into the hcq had you been able to join them.

something something, you wanted to stay, but if you remained here, the sky wouldn’t be able to hold itself together anymore, and the stars would fall, and the xianzhou would perish. so, you return to the sky, and hold it together, because that’s what you are: a fragment of the stars.

you definitely knew them all.

yingxing crafted you a weapon on the basis that maybe if he finished it, you’d return. dan feng would be so so happy to see you again, with that pleasant little smile he always wore (and sometimes if he thinks it’s appropriate he’ll let you examine his tail).

you did not return. not in his lifetime, at least.

jingliu would’ve trained you in the art of the sword. not to the extent of jing yuan, but enough to put up a decent fight. so, if none of them were there to help you, at least you could help yourself.

baiheng would’ve been like the fun aunt, to be honest. always up for a good chat, telling you stories about her travels across the galaxy. throws in a little “don’t tell jingliu, but i think you’d be better at archery, than swordsmanship.”

and jing yuan, oh boy. you two would always sneak away and talk and lie together and be idiots. he’s young, only barely creeping towards one hundred, but so are you, and he brings you to places he loves to show them to you.

there’s one particular spot he loves more than the rest.

there’s a little path in an abandoned stretch of trees towards the edge of the luofu ship. the path is barely visible amidst the tall grass, but jing yuan shows you through every step of the way until you both come into a clearing. it’s a field of flowers. private, closed off, with enough sunlight to keep the area warm. and it’s beautiful.

if you die, jing yuan buries you there. he also buries what remained of baiheng, and carves yingxing, jingliu, and dan feng’s names into headstones as a memoir of the past.

if you do return, for whatever reason it may be, it has been centuries. centuries are long enough to forget, as everything yields to time. wherever you have been, it has been long enough to forget.

returning is odd. the xianzhou luofu has changed, as have the other ships. you’re not sure how long it has been, and you’re not sure why you’re trekking this particular path. it feels familiar, and you have the faintest notion that there is supposed to be someone at the end of wherever this path leads.

who it is, you’re not sure. perhaps, if they are there, they can provide you an answer. maybe they can even tell you who you are, and what purpose you serve, other than to keep the sky together.

jing yuan never changed this area. not only was it his favourite, but he, as well as his old friends, had clung to the idea that you would return eventually.

if he changed it, jing yuan feared you’d forget even more than you already had. so, he kept it the same.

at the end of the path, for your first return is not a person. there’s nobody here, but four headstones buried in the grass. you read the names, but there is nothing. you don’t remember these people, but still your heart twists, as if you should have known them.

so, with grief heavy in your heart, you return to the sky.

the next time you return is because you realise you’re forgetting again, though it is one hundred years later. you walk down the same path because it is familiar, expecting to see someone, or something.

you see both. a man, and four headstones. you don’t recognise him, but it must have been the person you’ve sought, for you only had the faintest idea that there should’ve been somebody here. so, it must be him.

you explain to the stranger you feel as though you should recognise him, but you don’t. you also tell him his eyes are like the sunlight in the sky.

to that, he responds that you’ve told him that before. and you have. many, many times and many, many years ago.

jing yuan knows you can’t stay here, but it has been such a long time since he’s seen your face. so, he lets you examine the headstones as you did centuries ago.

he wasn’t there that day. the sky had darkened on the days you first returned, and though jing yuan had an inkling of an idea it had something to do with you, he had been bested by his own mind at the thought that you were gone, and had thus disappeared to grieve by himself.

truly, today, he came to grieve once the sky darkened again. seeing you here was not what he expected.

you ask him questions that visit. about the people beneath the soil—he responds that there aren’t any bodies buried here. baiheng’s body withered, dan feng never truly died, and neither did jingliu or yingxing.

“they all float aimlessly,” he tells you. “baiheng is gone. dan feng has a new identity, and what existed before is lost. jingliu and yingxing’s minds are scattered to the clouds. i cannot say what they will do if you cross paths, or whether they will remember you.”

you ask if you can meet them someday, as perhaps maybe one of them can jog your memory. jing yuan promises it is a possibility, but it is nearing impossible. fate will draw your paths together, he deduces. one day.

so, after a while, he tells you to return to the skies. it hurts, because he wants you to stay. he wants to tell you everything you did together. why you would trek this path, and only this path, and who the headstones were once. but he can’t, and so you return once more.

it is an endless cycle of you returning once you’ve realised you’ve forgotten the man who waits for you at the end of that path. an all too familiar path that seems new, but somewhere, you know you’ve walked along it before. sometimes it is only fifty years, sometimes it is two hundred, but jing yuan ensured that he is always there to greet you.

he tells yanqing of you one day. that’s only because he knows he won’t be around forever. he will be mara-stricken, or perhaps he will be killed in battle, but whatever it is, he tells yanqing, as his retainer and potential successor, to take over this position, and to pass it onto his successor, and then generations will pass.

but, for the moment, each time you return, jing yuan remains. and jing yuan promises you, though he knows you will forget, that when he does inevitably perish, he will find a way to join you in the skies.

dan heng asked him once after learning of you if it is difficult to love someone who you cannot be with.

jing yuan replied it’s easy. and it is easy, because every time the sky shifts from night to day, and the sun rises, and the clouds pass, he knows you’re up there, and you’re safe.

tldr: batty old general jing yuan talks to the clouds sometimes.

[solomons-finest-rum]

“As The Crow Flies” (Alfie Solomons x fem!Reader) — PART 2

SUMMARY — By all accounts Anna Gray died in Australia and had no business standing in Alfie’s living room, nor calling the man “darling” for that matter. But there you were, identical to the picture they took when they shipped you off to the colonies.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Thank you to everyone for words of encouragement and for waiting for the update 💗💗💗💗💗 Goodness, that was one hefty break. I hope the next part won't take me as much, but I can't exactly promise it will be fast, sorry about that. I think this is a part 2 out of 3 and then I'll do an epilogue, but that is still more of a draft than a plan.

WORD COUNT — 2,708

Masterlist

Tommy sat beside Polly in utter silence, watching the cigarette slowly burn between her fingers to the point where the heat nearly touched the skin. Tommy observed it with morbid fascination because it was something other to do than to stay with his own thoughts. And he would not dare to speak to Polly first—not after the news he had brought her this evening.

The clock chiming in the hall let them know it was nearly three o’clock in the morning, but still neither of them moved. The fire went out long ago and Tommy wondered in his solemn silence if Polly would accept a blanket.

“How could you tell me she was dead?” Polly suddenly asked the question Tommy had been dreading for the past hour and then she flicked the cigarette butt straight on the carpet. 

Tommy dared to look her in the eye then and immediately regretted that decision when he was met with nothing but hurt and steel-like anger.

“They told me she was, Pol. I went to the parish myself, saw the documents myself,” Tommy replied calmly.

That signature state of calm didn’t come to him as quickly as it used to, he noticed. These days it required more and more effort; or perhaps the things he chose to do got worse with time.

“Fucking nuns,” Polly hissed and shook her head. “You should have pressed them harder! Should’ve made them talk!”

“Then what, hm? Threaten them? Put a gun to their head, eh? There was nothing else they would have told me, Pol, they didn’t know.”

“I don’t care what! We shouldn’t have just abandoned her like that. Now look what happened, she’s a hostage with another fucking monster, just ready to put his paws on her whenever he pleases!” Polly stood up abruptly and Tommy wondered for a moment if perhaps he shouldn’t slip some laudanum in her drink. She looked frenzied, her hair in disarray and eyes bloodshot. The way Tommy saw it, she was half-ready to walk to Margate on foot and kill Alfie herself.

“Polly,” Tommy moved to stand in front of her just in case she had any ideas. He put both hands on her shoulders to reassure her. “Polly, look at me. Alfie Solomons, yeah? Alfie Solomons is just about the last man you’d find putting his hands on anybody that didn’t ask for it, all right? I swear this much.”

“Jesus, I don’t care what you swear anymore, Tommy!” Polly scoffed and tore herself away. “The man is insane, you said so yourself—many times in fact! We all remember what he did to Arthur! Or have you forgotten?!”

“No,” Tommy replied stiffly. “Perhaps he’s insane, but he’s not cruel to women, Polly, never has been. He doesn’t have the reputation.”

“Well, neither do you, that doesn’t mean one wife’s not buried, the other’s escaped!”

Though Tommy would never admit it, that hurt immensely. That was the problem with people who loved him, he supposed. They knew exactly where to hit to draw the most blood. He willed his face to return to the stony mask it was before.

“But your daughter is not buried and she isn’t gone,” he said. “She’s alive, Pol, I saw her with my own two eyes. She’s alive and we can get her back.”

“Well, that’s not exactly possible now, is it?” she scoffed and turned her gaze back to the fireplace as if some ghostly apparition beckoned her to it. “You said she didn’t know you, I bet that fucking animal has her caged.”

“That’s not true. I saw her, Pol, she looked well.” Tommy felt like stressing that might help. “She has your eyes and your wit and I swear she cooks somethin’ awful, but she’s no prisoner. Alfie is…” He hesitated then, because it wasn’t exactly a comfortable thought to consider. “She’s got him wrapped around her little finger, Pol. You can’t say no to her, eh? Just like I can’t exactly argue with you neither.”

That brought Polly back, even if just to glare at her nephew with fury.

“Pol, I swore to you once I’d bring your children home and I haven’t changed my mind.” Tommy took her hand in his and to his relief this time Polly didn’t pull away. 

“I don’t think Alfie harmed her,” he insisted. “I don’t think she’d let him. Polly, she looked tough. Hardened by life. She’s a woman grown, Pol, and I know she can take care of herself. You said so yourself, eh? It’s grandfather’s gift, reading people. Well, I read her tonight and I know Alfie, too. Something happened to her, that much’s clear, but there’s nothin’ evil happenin’ to her in that house.”

That seemed to satisfy his aunt because she finally took a deep breath that actually made Tommy feel like he could breath himself.

“Why would he tell you to lie to me, Tommy?”

“How do you mean?”

“Why would he think you wouldn’t tell me? That you’d play his game.”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “But I know what he wants in return and to be honest his plan wasn’t as delirious as I’d take him for.”

“I don’t care what you discussed with that man, that’s of little consequence,” Polly scoffed. “We are going to get her and we are going to get rid of him once and for all, Thomas, because no one fucks with the Peaky fuckin’ Blinders and no one fucks with the family! Do you hear me?!”

“I hear you.”

“Good. Now get up!”

“So we’re goin’ today?”

“Today!”

Tommy nodded and gently navigated her back into the armchair. He rang the bell for the maid. In the agitated state Polly’s house was currently in, Tommy was sure the servants weren’t really sleeping.

“And get Michael,” she ordered. “I don’t care what that peroxide tramp says about it, he’s coming with us.”

Alfie stood on the porch and smoked his pipe. He let you squeeze his arm in anger while trying to sneak concerned glances in your general direction. Tired of being treated like a spooked horse, you glared at him until he stopped with all the concern. You were tougher than you looked and you would very much appreciate it if Alfie finally admitted it.

“You alright?” Alfie asked you for what must have been the twentieth time and you nodded stiffly instead of a reply.

“Darlin’, I mean it, all right, ‘cause if you ain’t tryin’ to make me bloody worried then you’re doin’ a splendid job regardless, yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Right, that’s just fuckin’ uncalled for, that…”

“No. Someone’s coming.”

You pointed then to the faint shapes on the horizon, which, judging by the noise, must have been the Shelby Bentleys.

“Get the binoculars, Alfie.” 

“I’ll get the fuckin’ shotgun is what I’ll get.”

“Alfie.”

“I’ll do as I damn well please in my own house, woman!”

“So your brilliant means of operation is just bullets, is that it? What the hell did you expect, that Tommy would just listen to you?”

There was a clear measure of challenge in your words and all you two did then was just size each other up, trying to see who would call the bluff first. Finally, your husband grumbled his best catalogue of swear words and brought you the binoculars you asked for. 

“It’s the Shelbys,” you confirmed.

“Like clockwork, that lot,” Alfie scoffed. “You tell them one thing, they go the opposite fuckin’ direction.”

“Some clock that’d be,” you chuckled. “We knew they’d come. That’s why we’re here.”

“Don’t get smart with me.”

The pipe now abandoned, Alfie checked the barrel of his favourite handgun and reassured himself with the number. The only problem was the Shelby threat looming on the horizon and what looked like three cars, no doubt packed to the brim with Tommy’s henchmen.

“And you’re certain he will help us?” you asked.

“‘Course. Like I said before, right, Tommy’s nothin’ if not reliable.”

“That’s quite generous coming from you.”

“Just ‘cause he shot me doesn’t mean we ain’t kin now.”

“I am many things, dearest, but a Shelby isn’t one of them.”

“Ah, well, too bad. And too late to call the cavalry off, I reckon. If ya changed your mind…”

“That’s not what I meant.” It was your time to scoff. “These people are not my family. You are.”

On a rare occasion when Alfie Solomons found himself something close to emotional, three black Bentleys finally arrived at the quaint Margate cottage. You instinctively grabbed your husband’s arm again. He didn’t flinch, not even when you dug your nails into the skin, hard enough to draw blood.

“Right, gentlemen! And lady. What a lovely surprise, innit.” Alfie beckoned with his other hand, waving the gun about and leaving very little doubt as to the quickness of change in his intentions were the Shelbys not to play along. “Let me simply say: shalom… All right. Welcome. Yeah, that is the message for today, or so one might hope.”

What would undoubtedly be another inspired monologue had to wait, however. As soon as Tommy escorted Polly out of the car and her eyes met her daughter’s, Polly’s knees gave out. Tommy and Arthur caught her just in time and held her up on both sides.

“Anna!” Polly cried. “Oh dear God, it’s really you! Anna!”

You stood still like a statue, at which point even your husband turned to look at you with a mix of concern and fascination. You let go of his arm and focused on Tommy.

“Mr. Shelby. You brought an army this time. Am I to expect a shootout?”

As cold and unmoved as Tommy tried to be, it proved to be hard with a sobbing woman on his arm.

“Or am I to understand you’re here to kidnap me?” you pressed. “Please don’t say my chicken was that spectacular, I won’t believe it.”

“Anna.” Polly squeezed Tommy’s arm and took a step forward. Alfie uncocked his gun. You sighed and wished he hadn’t, since the entire Shelby ensemble now followed with the same.

“What the fuck is the matter with you, you fools! Put the bloody guns down!” Polly seethed and marched towards the house with a newfound purpose in her step. “Anna. Come down from there. You’re coming home with us.”

You looked at the woman you knew was your mother, though now only by name. Your heart didn’t know her and your head was too preoccupied to care.

“That might pose an issue,” you answered. “Because I am home.”

The next person that got out of the car, however, seemed to finally make you shake off your stony demeanour. You couldn’t quite help it, because his face was the first you could actually say was known to you.

“Michael!” you whispered and then rushed down from the porch before anyone could stop you. “Oh dear God, you’re alive!”

You fell into your brother’s steady embrace and though the force of it nearly made him stumble, he held you firmly and wouldn’t let go—not even if the devil himself tried to claim you both again. 

The tearful reunion was so quiet that no one apart from you and Michael could know what words were exchanged. While the Shelbys weren’t exactly the type to interrupt, you could tell that Alfie was out of patience. 

“Are we just about finished, then?” he inquired. “Forgive the interruption, yeah, but it’s gettin’ li’l too chilly for my taste.”

Polly took that opportunity to point her gun directly at Alfie’s head.

“Now then, madam,” Alfie chuckled and stood his ground, though he didn’t raise the gun he was holding. “I’d only ask ya to aim better than your nephew, all right, ‘cause I can’t exactly take no more of this.” He pointed to the injured side of his face. “Once was enough, yeah, so if you’re certain that’s what ya wanna do, I won’t stop ya.”

“Shut your mouth,” Polly hissed. “You shut your mouth!”

“Polly.” Tommy took a step towards them. His voice was full of warning and he ordered his men to stand down with a single wave of his hand. “Polly, think about what we’re doin’ here, all right? We came to get your daughter,” he turned to point at you, who now looked toward her husband with a horrified expression. “She’s safe now, Polly, we can take her home. There’s no need for violence, Pol, not today.”

“Like hell you will!” you protested. “Can you stop talking about me like I’m not even here?! No one’s taking me anywhere.”

“Now then, Tommy,” Alfie sighed. “There I was, mate, thinkin’ we had an understandin’, you an’ I. After all these years of friendship, right, you come to my house, guns blazin’, and with your lovely aunt no less, all in pursuit of justice I can’t exactly give, mate, ‘cause I ain’t the one who took Anna away in the first place. So…”

To everyone’s surprise Alfie turned his back to Polly and opened the front door as casually as one might when having a gun pointed at you turns into something of a daily occurrence. 

“Might I offer you a drink then, uh, Polly, is it? Right, lemme just say that, yeah, I ain’t exactly one for close family ties, you see, that’s just not somethin’ I was brought up with…”

Alfie’s voice disappeared somewhat as he walked further into the house, completely ignoring the chaos on the porch. You tried to rush back towards the house and stomped on Michael’s foot with all your might when he wouldn’t let you go. Michael roared with pain and you took your chance to run, but this time it was Arthur who stopped you and who, all things considered, presented a much sturdier guard than your brother.

“You let me through,” you hissed. 

“Nah, I don’t think so, luv. You’re comin’ with us.”

“Like hell I am!”

Polly, still stunned, turned towards her children and lowered her gun, creating an opportunity for Tommy to catch up with her and take it out of her hands.

“Not today,” he repeated softly. “There’ll be time for vengeance and there’ll be time for justice. But not here, Pol, not now. Arthur, let Anna pass.”

Polly shook her head and spat on the bluish tiles of the porch, thoroughly worn out and bleached by the seaside air. Only then did she notice the curious mosaic right before the front door and the gentle arch forming the words “lethe”. 

“I’m not leaving without her, Tommy,” she warned.

“I know you’re not.”

Out of options and out of bullets, Polly crossed the threshold and she hoped the choice would truly erase the anguish from her memory—if only for a moment.

Alfie’s gambit must have been exactly that from the start, Tommy mused, because as soon as the rest of the Shelby clan entered the house, they were welcomed by the maid with a tea tray. Alfie, now comfortable in his usual armchair, gestured for his guests to sit. 

Judging by his calm and calculated demeanour, Tommy doubted him and his family had been so unexpected. In fact, he just about acknowledged he had let himself be manipulated not once but twice in what was perhaps the strangest forty-eight hours in a long time.

“Right, now, we don’t know each other well so I don’t know exactly what everyone drinks…” Alfie waved at the maid dismissively and she started to serve the tea as if it was any other ordinary occasion. “Feel free to peruse the bar if you so prefer, Tommy, right, but not you.” Alfie settled his only seeing eye on Arthur, though the elder Shelby brother didn’t seem as prone to anger as Alfie remembered. That was almost disappointing. 

You entered the house last, holding your brother’s hand. Michael smiled down at you fondly as if you hadn’t just caused him severe bodily harm. Tommy and Alfie both noted the scene, though neither exactly for the same reasons. Alfie looked just about done tolerating all that whispering between you and your brother and it seemed so was Tommy.

Though neither, exactly, for the same reasons.

“Right then,” Alfie announced. “Should we discuss the terms?”

[glorious-spoon]

your way or nothing at all [9-1-1 | Eddie Diaz | 1/1]

1500 words character study | mild angst | weddings | background buck/tommy, eddie/marisol | pre-relationship buddie | not quite a feelings realization for eddie but he's getting there

-

In the quieting dark, Eddie lingers by the tables, the empty chairs pushed together in a cluster for a conversation long since abandoned. It's late enough that people are starting to filter out into the night, and pretty much everybody left is crowded at the open bar or swaying on the dance floor. At the high table, Maddie has Buck's suit jacket draped over her shoulders and her cheek tipped against Chim's shoulder, and he's looking down at her with a dopily besotted expression that Eddie can clock even from here.

It makes him feel like—something, some kind of nostalgia for the wedding he never got to have with Shannon. That whole day felt like being hustled through a play that he never learned his lines to. Shannon was three months pregnant and deep in the throes of vicious morning sickness that was not improved by the catering or the stress of the day, so he spent their wedding night holding back her hair in the honeymoon suite his parents paid for and trying desperately to feel like he had a single fucking clue what he was doing. Trying to feel like a man and a husband and a father-to-be and mostly feeling like a complete fraud.

They deserved better. Both of them. Now, in this moment, after this day, it soothes more than it stings to watch Maddie and Chim hold onto each other so easily.

The song changes, and he watches a swirl of motion on the bar side of the dance floor, the particular energy that's easily identifiable as Buck even before he emerges from the crowd. Normally, maybe Eddie would gravitate in, but Buck's got a hand linked together with Tommy's, and they're laughing, and so he stays where he is. Just watches.

It's sweet, a little fumbling as Buck very obviously tries to figure out the logistics of slow-dancing with another guy. Tommy says something in a low voice and settles a palm on his hip, and Buck ducks his head, laughing, and leans into him.

It's sweet. It is. Eddie's throat fucking aches.

He doesn't know why, not really. Maybe it's the smile on Buck's face, wide and giddy and almost embarrassingly bright. He never smiled at Natalia like that, or Taylor. Maybe Ali, but the truth is that back then Eddie wasn't looking for it. Back then, he was so caught up in everything with Shannon, and he and Buck were barely more than friendly coworkers, as strange as that idea seems now.

He probably smiled at Abby like that. Eddie wasn't around for that relationship, only the aftermath, but he can imagine it. You don't hurt that badly when someone leaves you unless you really fucking loved them.

"You would not believe the line for the bathroom," Marisol says from behind him, and Eddie jolts like he just grabbed a high-voltage wire. He tries to spin it into something graceful as he turns to face her, but he's pretty sure it doesn't work, and also pretty sure that he shouldn't be feeling quite so jumpscared at the sight of his girlfriend. His heart is pounding. He rubs his knuckles against his sternum, and Marisol asks, "You okay?"

"Yeah," he says. "Sorry. You startled me."

"No, it's fine." She smiles at him, and it's pretty. She looks pretty, in a blue dress that looks black in this light, little metallic threads picked through and glittering. It hugs the curves of her body in a way that Eddie feels obligated to notice, and so he does, and when he looks her in the eye again she's smiling wider, and that's pretty too and Eddie—

Eddie still feels like a fucking fraud.

"I got you a beer," Marisol says. She's got a glass of wine in her other hand. White wine, lipstick marks on the rim.

Eddie smiles back and takes the bottle she hands him. "Thanks."

"I wasn't sure what you'd want." She grins at him, flirty. "You'll have to tell me if I made a bad guess."

He sips the beer. It's a lager, hoppy and astringent in a way that leaves a bitter aftertaste on his tongue. He takes another drink and smiles around the grimace his mouth wants to make. "It's perfect. Thank you."

The pleased relief in her smile doesn't make the lie feel any better. He takes another sip and sets the bottle down, and Marisol settles her hip against his chair, close enough that he can feel the warmth of her body. Close enough that he could wrap an arm around her thighs and pull her into his lap, if he wanted to do that. He shifts forward instead, leaning his elbows against the table, and she lets out a quiet sound and sets her glass down to sit in the chair next to him. The music switches over from Christina Perri to what Eddie is pretty sure is Savage Garden, and on the dance floor Tommy says something that makes Buck laugh and pull him closer.

"They're cute together," Marisol observes. "Buck and, um… Tommy?"

Eddie's fingers twitch on his beer bottle. "Yeah."

"I didn't know that he was, you know…" she trails off. Eddie looks over at her, and she adds, "Not that there's anything wrong with it! I just, I thought he had a girlfriend."

"They broke up. He dates guys too," Eddie says, more emphatically than is really necessary. Like this is a truth that he's always known instead of something Buck told him two weeks ago in the loft, quiet and careful like he was afraid of how Eddie would react. Like he was afraid of Eddie.

It was a date, we were on a date.

So it's new for Buck, too. Not just him. But still.

It feels like something he should have known.

"Okay," Marisol says. The corners of her mouth tighten, and she takes a pointed sip of her wine. "I didn't know that, is all."

I didn't know either, Eddie imagines saying, but the words strangle themselves in his throat just the same as, Actually, I don't like lagers, and, I don't really want company tonight, did. He wonders how the hell Buck does it—just opens his mouth and lets the truth spill out. Eddie can only manage that when it's for other people. Never for himself.

"Sorry," he says out loud. "It's been… a day."

Marisol's face softens a little, and he feels like shit about that, too. It has been a day, is the thing. He woke up in a bathtub, more hungover than he's been in at least a decade, and after that was a wild goose-chase through the desert to retrieve Chim in time for the wedding, and all that is plenty of reason for him to be off his game now. It's just that somehow it also feels like a fucking lie.

On the dance floor, Buck has his cheek pressed to Tommy's. He says something, and Tommy's shoulders shake with laughter, and then they both turn, moving easily together into a kiss. It's quick and tender, and Eddie abruptly feels like the worst kind of voyeur for watching it happen. He turns his head away and finds Marisol looking at him.

The music changes again. TLC, he's pretty sure, because Chim is deep down a very basic Gen X music kind of guy. Or maybe it was Maddie's pick, who knows. Anyway. It's a little more upbeat, but still slow enough to dance to.

"You, uh." He clears his throat, and finds a smile that feels almost right. "Come on, you wanna dance before they close it all down? They're playing our song."

"This is our song?" Marisol asks, but she's laughing. "I don't even think I was born yet when it came out."

Eddie shrugs and holds out a hand. "It could be our song. Maybe for tonight it's just a good song to dance to."

That must have been the right thing to say. She smiles, sets her wine down, and slips her hand into his, letting him tug her to her feet. They wind their way through the chairs to the dance floor, and under the string lights she settles easily into his arms. 

I know you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all, rasps the singer in a sweetly smoky voice, as Eddie closes his eyes, and sways, and breathes, but I think you're moving too fast.

I think you're moving too fast.

He breathes in, and out, and opens his eyes. Marisol smiles up at him, and he smiles back, then cuts his eyes away. There are still a handful of people left on the dance floor with them: Athena and Bobby, swaying together like they're in their own little world, a couple of Buckley cousins with their dates. Buck and Tommy are gone, though, and Eddie almost cranes his head through the crowd to see where they got to before he catches himself.

"To tell you the truth," Marisol says. "I really don't think this is our song."

"Alright, well, we can find another one," Eddie says, and she laughs and sways into him, and he holds onto her, and when he closes his eyes, it's fine; it all feels fine.

[holylulusworld]

Big girls don't cry (4)

Summary: You are no stranger to heartbreak.

Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x Plussized!Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, strong reader, mentions of former heartbreak, arguments, regret, fear of commitment, abandonment issues,

Big girls don’t cry masterlist

Part 3

“Stevie, go in there and talk to her,” Bucky groans. “I didn’t almost get killed by your angry girlfriend only for you to chicken out now. Go—”

Bucky shoves his friend toward the door.  

“What if she doesn’t want to see me? Y/N hates me now, and I can only blame myself. I let my insecurities and fear of commitment get the best out of me.”

“Yeah, you fucked things up big time, punk. Now go in there and fix things with your lovely lady. You love that woman, right?” 

“I had the ring, and the proposal planned and chose the easy way out. I got scared. Scared that she’ll laugh at me. Or even worse, say no. I saw her throw the ring in my face and run off. I’m not worthy of her love.”

“Y/N is a great person. She’s kind, smart and caring. I can’t imagine her doing such a thing. If you are honest with her, she’ll not break your heart,” Bucky smirks. “Maybe she breaks your dick with her baseball bat, though.”

“Buck,” Steve reaches for the door handle, “whatever happens now. Thank you for trying.”

“Just don’t chicken out or get your dick out,” the brunette chuckles. “I can tell, women don’t like it when you get it out after a fight.”

“What?” Steve side-eyes his friend. “What did you do, Buck?”

Bucky shrugs. “It was a case of miscommunication. I thought she wanted to have make-up sex, and she wanted to break up with me.”

“You’re unbelievable. I can’t believe I asked you for advice on relationship problems.”

“Hey, what can I say? The ladies love me?” Bucky grins. “But enough of me and my perfect face, and dick. You should go inside and finally talk to her. People are watching.”

“Hi, uh- thank you for letting me come here. Bucky said you will hear me out,” Steve awkwardly stands in the middle of the empty bakery. “Not many people around today.”

“We are renovating,” you quip, not even sparing Steve a glance. You practiced this conversation in front of the mirror and can’t show weakness. “I told you so a month ago.”

“I didn’t know it was this one,” he licks his lips. “You scared the shit out of Bucky.” He chuckles. “And I can tell, Bucky never gets scared.”

“He’s a baby,” you snicker. “Your friend almost peed his pants when I got the baseball bat out.” It feels awkward being around Steve again. “You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“Maybe…you could start,” Steve stammers. “I know you are angry and hurt. And you have every right to be angry. What I said was awful, and I know now that you went through so much in the past that you cannot forgive me. I just wanted you to know that I—”

He hesitates. Steve looks at his shoes, shaking his head. He takes a few deep breaths. “Sorry, I need…shit…” 

“What do you want to say, Steve?” 

“I-I love you,” he almost yells. It’s the first time he has said it with fear in his eyes. “I know that I said it before, but I wanted you to hear it one last time.”

“Steve, I thought we wanted to talk. This was more like a monologue. I wanted to talk about the things Bucky told me about your past. Why did you never tell me about the people bullying you.”

“I could ask you the same,” he gives you a cracked smile. “I-I was ashamed, I guess. I wasn’t always like this. Back then, I tried so hard to fit in. It was never enough, though. Not once was I good enough for anyone.”

“Boys always treated me like I’m not good enough to be seen with them,” you sniffle. “When you said all those things, I felt like the little girl who got her heart broken for the first time.”

“Y/N…” He fights the tears. “I was a weak and thin boy back then. Sick too. No one wanted to be my friend but Bucky. He was tall, cocky, and popular. They didn’t understand why he was my friend. I didn’t get it myself. He could’ve been friends with everyone.”

“He’s a nice guy,” you wipe your eyes and sniffle. “And a good friend. He almost got hit by a baseball bat for you.”

“When I liked a girl for the first time, she punched my nose and called me a loser. I was like six or seven.” He sighs deeply. “I know, this is no excuse.”

“It is not. I got rejected all my life too, but I would never do such a thing to you. I loved you so, and then you say something like that,” You push the tears away. “I was so happy, and you broke my heart.”

“I’m so sorry, doll. All my life I tried to forget about my past, and the weak boy from back then.” Steve takes a step toward you, holding out his hand. “In my teens, I fell in love with a girl. I believed she liked me too.” 

“She told everyone about it, didn’t she?” You softly ask. “Bucky told me about it. What was her name?”

“Peggy Carter,” Steve winces when her name leaves his lips. “I realized she only liked me as long as I helped her get better grades.”

“Same here,” you take his offered hand to squeeze it tightly. “I was twelve. At least I shoved the bastard against the wall and called him a dipshit.”

Steve grins. “I’m glad you did, doll.”

“Do you want to hear a fun fact?” Steve places your hand on his chest. “I met her two years ago. She didn’t even remember me. Imagine, Peggy was all over me and tried to get in my pants.”

“No way.”

“I turned her down, though. She got mad. I bet Peggy Carter never got turned down before. Well, I told her it’s payback for what she did to me when I was a kid.”

“Good for you. I mean, that you go the chance to pay her back.” You glance up at Steve, feeling unsure of how to proceed now. You’ve missed him so much, but you are scared to give in to him only to get hurt again. “Steve, I can’t go back to what we had so easily. I need…”

“I know, baby doll,” he wraps his arms around you to at least hold you one last time. “Please never believe you are not worthy of love, or that you should settle for someone who’s not worthy of your love. I wish you love. A love that will give you everything you’ll ever need…”

Part 5

Tags in reblog.

[loveandmurders]

hii, can i request some angst with bo sinclair, maybe him and the reader (gn please :3) get into a fight, he basically says he doesnt need the reader and tell them to get out, and the reader leaves and doesnt know where to go so they hide in one of the abandoned houses, n basically hide there all night while bo (whos too stubborn to admit hes nervous) waits at home for them, but they accidentally fall asleep n wake up at like 4am or smth and the entire town is turned on as bo and vincent look for them? fluffy ending please? just break my heart then give me some tooth rotting fluff

thank you, have a wonderful day/night!

Hello love, I'm sorry it took me so long to write and post this request. I really hope you will enjoy this <3

GO BUT DON'T LEAVE ME

Gender neutral reader, with no physical description.

Warnings: Verbal abuses from Bo, Bo is an asshole but he loves you, morally grey reader who enjoys the killings, mention of blood, violence, killings, little injuries, tears, angst/comfort.

You didn’t know why, but lately, a lot of tourists were coming by Ambrose. You were glad because it meant the boys had all the work they wanted, and Bo could take out his anger on strangers, but at the same time, it was saddening you. You were feeling a little bit neglected by your boyfriend who was getting up early every morning and coming home late at night. And because of the hunt, you had to stay locked up inside the house for your own safety. You tried to busy yourself in the kitchen, and to take care of yourself, but you were starting to get bored and you wanted Bo’s attention more than anything.

Actually you had planned on trying to trap Bo in bed with you this morning, and then to have some sexy time under a warm shower, before continuing to seduce him with some pretty outfits you found in one of the tourists’ suitcases. If you were good enough, you could even hope for Bo to bring you to a restaurant for lunch. You really thought you could manage that because you had been good at having Bo wrapped around your little finger; your little attentions and cuddles worked a lot more on the man than he wanted to admit it.

But it seemed like it wasn’t your lucky day. As you tried to love on Bo for him to stay in bed, he roughly pushed you away from him and got up.

“Gonna be late ‘cause of your stupid ass” he told you as a greeting and you felt quite hurt because you just wanted him. But you were as stubborn as him so you got up, your naked body in its whole glory and you pressed yourself against his back.

“Maybe we could have a shower together, I could wash you up?” you offered as you kissed his shoulder blade, but Bo wasn’t in the mood today. He was overwhelmed with all the chores and work he had to do, and he was almost hoping there wouldn’t be any tourists today because he already had a lot of cars, windows and houses to fix after the last ones.

“Leave me alone” he said and he pushed you away again.

“But Bo…” you whimpered

“What?” he snapped, anger quickly rising inside of him

“I’ve been missing you…” you replied with a pout on your face

“Oh yeah? Well ya know what, all this work gives me some fuckin' peace! I just can’t with your neediness and clinginess all the damn time” he spat and you felt your heart breaking at those words. He was slicing deep into your worst and hidden insecurities. You always thought you were too much for people to enjoy, and to hear it from Bo’s mouth was worse than being slapped across the face. You looked down.

“I’m sorry, Bo, I’ll do better” you whispered because you loved the man and you wanted him to still love you.

“Ain’t givin’ a fuck, Y/N.” he said before grabbing his clothes and leaving for the shower.

You had no idea what to do. You wanted to cry but you couldn’t be that pathetic. You put some clothes on and you went downstairs to prepare breakfast. At least you could be a little bit useful, right? 

You were cooking some pancakes when Vincent entered the room. You quietly greeted him and he could tell something was off, because you had been quite a ray of sunshine in Ambrose since you were there. He asked you if you were alright and you simply nodded. You thought you needed to shut up and to give Bo some space, and hopefully things would be back to normal soon. Vincent didn’t insist but he knew he would need to keep an eye on you. He was aware of how his twin had the talent to ruin what was making him happy.

Bo sat at the table without a word. And as you placed a plate in front of him, you accidentally knocked down his glass of orange juice that fell on the ground and broke. You silently cursed yourself and were about to kneel down to clean up when Bo grabbed your wrist and pushed you against the closest wall. You gasped at the rage swirling into his eyes.

“Ya’re fuckin’ useless, ya know that” he screamed at you and you felt tears rising up.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident” you replied “I’ll clean up, you can eat your pancakes” you continued

“Ya give me no order” he growled. “Didn’t even ask ya to put food in front of me. Who do ya think ya are, my mother?”

“I’m just trying to take care of you” you said and he started to laugh. It was a cold dry and menacing laughter that made you shiver.

“Because ya think I need you? Ya think any of us needs you? The only reason we didn’t kill ya was because I wanted to fuck ya. I fucked ya, and now what, hmm? Honestly, nothin' to go back to” he added and Vincent got up and put a hand on his shoulder to make him stop. He knew that his twin was lying and the way you were starting to silently cry was quite upsetting. Bo moved from his touch but he let you go too. You had no idea what to do. It was the first time Bo was vicious and cruel with you. You needed to busy yourself to not let his poison completely break your heart. You were about to clean up the mess you did once again.

“Oh my god, just go” Bo cringed as he didn’t want to see you come closer again.

“Let me remove the glass pieces and I’ll go” you promised, as you were worried anyone would get hurt because of the glass. Lester might come home soon with Jonesy too and you didn’t want her to hurt her little paws.

“Fuckin’ LEAVE!” he screamed this time and you froze. Vincent tried to reach for you and bring you away from Bo before his twin could say something he would regret later on. “Leave this fuckin’ room! No ya no what, leave this fuckin’ house and never come back! I’m so done with ya, I don’t need ya, no one needs ya, no one loves ya and ya need to get the fuck out of Ambrose!” he yelled again as he threw the plate of pancakes on the ground too. You jumped and before Vincent could stop you, you ran away.

Your vision was blurry because of the tears. You couldn’t stop crying. You couldn’t think either, emotions swirling inside your heart and negative thoughts swirling inside your head. You rarely felt so bad. You ran for quite a while until you collapsed on the ground. You slightly hurt your knees and palms but you didn’t notice. You cried even more, until there was no tear left. You took a deep breath and looked behind you. The house was far away now, but you weren’t outside of Ambrose yet. 

The thing was you had no idea where to go. Ambrose had become your home and you had left your previous life without any hesitation. You enjoyed living with dangerous people, you liked their way of life and you found the murders very hot and arousing. You were a missing person in the real world, and if you came back to your old life, you would have to tell about the Sinclairs, and you would then need to go back to this boring and mediocre existence. You didn’t want that, but Bo made it clear he didn’t want you anymore. You weren’t too sure what to do, so you decided to wait and to rest in one of the last houses of the town. The twins rarely went there, and it would give you some time to determine what to do. 

You opened the front door and sneezed at all the dust and cobwebs lying around. At least, you should be safe here. You found a room upstairs and settled there. You got rid of some of the dust and you sat on the bed. There was a wax statue there, with you and you took some comfort in the presence. It wasn’t the best of Vincent’s creations, hence why it was there (you could tell Vincent had to put the members back on the body and it had been quite hard to do so). But at least you felt home and not completely alone.

You napped a little for the day to go through and then you explored the house. You found some old books and little boxes with jewels inside. You were certain the boys didn’t know about this, and it gave you the idea to explore more of the abandoned houses… Until you remembered Bo wanted you out of town. You tried to not start crying again. Your attention was soon somewhere else as you heard gunshots. You sighted as you understood more tourists came today. You hoped the boys would be fine, and wouldn’t get hurt because you wouldn’t be there to take care of them, like you usually did. You also hoped no one would find you there; it would be stupid to get killed now. At the same time, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You wouldn’t be able to stay hidden in this house forever, and you weren’t sure you would be able to get back to a more normal life.

Maybe you should get killed, actually. But life could be so fun too.. If only Bo wanted you back, even if you were getting quite angry at him for the way he talked to you as well.

You continued to listen to everything happening in the town and until late in the afternoon you heard screams and the usual hunt noises. The sun was slowly going down when the silence came back in town, and it seemed the boys had been able to get rid of the tourists pretty fast this time. You were glad for them, hopefully it meant the boys hadn’t been injured and the tourists hadn’t ruined more stuff in town; Bo had already his hands full. 

You sighed as your attention was back, one more time on your current situation. You still didn’t know what to do. Finally you tried to get some more rest because your brain just couldn’t think about what to do. 

And you slept like a rock, as all the emotions took their toll on you. 

You missed the three men calling your name in the silence of the ghost town, far away from where you were. You missed the worry creeping in the more they called for you. You missed the phone calls too, because you forgot your phone at the house and when Bo found it, he cursed even more.

As you were sleeping your worries and troubles away, Bo was sitting on his armchair, waiting for the front door to open. He had told his brothers that you were going to come back home on your own, and that it was not necessary to look any more for you. Vincent and Lester insisted but he refused, too proud to admit he was concerned. You were smart and independant but, at the same time, you needed him so much that soon enough you would come back. And you loved him enough to know he didn’t mean what he told you this morning. 

It was what he was repeating himself to keep calm. 

The truth was that he couldn't focus on the TV because his attention was on the front door, and that he couldn't even drink his beer because his throat was tight. He was silently cursing himself for having fucked this up so badly. You were one of the rare good things that happened in his life, and maybe you were gone forever now. No, no, that was impossible because you were soulmates. You weren’t saying “I love you” to each other very often, but you truly adored each other. Bo knew he was going to propose to you one day because he couldn’t imagine getting back to a life without you. He promised himself he would be better if… no, once you would be back home. This wouldn’t happen again, because he wasn’t the monster his father said he was, because he needed you, because he also had been madly missing you lately - and even more today - but he hated how weak his love made him feel.

However, after midnight, he just couldn’t take it anymore. He was going to lose his mind if you didn’t come back home now. He got Vincent from the basement and called Lester who was about to come back to his own house. His brothers were quick to help find you, because they liked you, but also because they didn’t want to scrape Bo off the ground if they realised you were truly gone. 

The three men started to look for you and they hoped you were still inside of Ambrose, in one of the houses or somewhere close by. They also hoped that no tourist found you, and that you were all safe and sound somewhere hidden. They had turned on all the lights and were screaming your name. Bo was the loudest, and he was slowly starting to really panic. He couldn't stand the idea he might have lost you. He just wanted you back in his arms and to go to sleep with you.

You didn’t plan on sleeping so much, completely unaware of the circus that was happening in town. You woke up to a soft scratching sound on the bedroom door. You didn’t understand what it was at first. Actually, you woke up completely lost and confused. It was about 4 am now, and you were disoriented. You needed some time to remember you were in an abandoned house because of a very bad argument with Bo. You sat up, and looked around the room, trying to analyse your surroundings. After a little while, you heard a dog gently whining and you got up to open the bedroom door. Jonesy bolted inside the room and you giggled. You knelt in front of her and hugged her for comfort. 

“Such a good girl you are, you found me!” You praised her as she licked at your cheek. You hugged her more tightly and you closed your eyes. “You’re the only one who wants to find me” you sadly whispered and she cutely barked at you to tell you it wasn’t true!

It was then you heard your name being called and you looked up in surprise.

“Oh they’re looking for me?” you asked as Jonesy sat up. You, on the other hand, got up to look through the window. You blinked at the vivid lights and when your eyes started to get used to the brightness, you saw the Sinclairs looking for you. You couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on your face. It brought you some peace and relief to know you were still loved by your family. You straightened up your clothes and left the room, Jonesy on your heels. She wasn’t going to let you out of her line of vision, just to make sure you were safe and sound. 

You walked closer to the Sinclair house before answering their calls.

“I’m here!” you cried out and when Bo found out where your voice was coming from, he rushed to you. Before you knew it, you were in his arms. He tightly hugged you against his chest, stroking your back and taking into your scent. He was so relieved.

“Thank God” he whispered to himself but you heard him. 

You hugged him back, but you were still hurt by what he yelled at you earlier, and you weren’t going to forget about all the things he said so easily. However, you let him bring you home without a fight. Vincent and Lester hugged you as well and asked you where you were. You answered as Bo sat you down to check on you. He disinfected your little wounds on your knees and palms before putting band-aids on them as he listened to you. They all were glad you stayed close by. You let Bo take care of you without a comment and you didn’t dare to look at him for too long. You weren’t too sure what his mood was right now, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to take any more yelling at. Lester waited for Bo to be done to gently kiss your cheek and greeted you a goodnight. Jonesy refused to follow him and she stayed by your side like a true guard dog. You petted her head and cooed down at her for being such a good girl to you. Vincent sent a look at his twin, to silently tell him he should apologise to you. Bo scoffed and it made you look back at him with a raised eyebrow; you had missed the way the twins had looked at each other and didn’t understand what he was scoffing at. You were feeling insecure enough to believe it was at you. Bo tried to reassuringly smile at you before gesturing for his twin to leave the room. Vincent also kissed your cheek and reluctantly left. He went to his basement but his attention was on Bo and you as he was ready to intervene if things would go wrong once again.

“Time to go to sleep” Bo hummed and you were quite annoyed at the man for trying to pretend nothing happened today.

“Not tired for the moment and then gonna sleep on the couch,” you replied. He frowned at that and reached for your hips.

“Why that?” he asked and it was your turn to scoff

“So what, we’re gonna pretend nothing happened? Look, I'm here because Ambrose is my home… and because no matter what, I love you… But I can’t pretend I didn’t hear what you said today. I’m sorry I’m clingy and needy and not a good enough fuck for you…” you said before he cut you

“Ya know I didn’t mean any of this” he whispered as he brought you closer to him. He looked for your eyes but you turned your head to the side. He cupped your chin to force your eyes to lock with his. “Ya mad at me?” he asked and you shrugged. "Baby?" he insisted

“Ain’t really mad right now… I’m mostly hurt” you replied “I just wanted cuddles this morning. I know you’re busy but it was unfair of you to treat me that way”

“Yes, it was. What can I do to make it to ya, hmm? Too late to cuddle?” he gently smiled as his hands stroked your hip bone and cheek. You had to fight the urge to lean against his touch.

“Tell me you’re sorry, that you love me, that it won’t happen again.” you said and he nodded

“‘Course I love ya. Ya know I’m an asshole when I’m in a bad mood… but I’d go crazy if ya ever left me. I’m so relieved ya home. I’ll do better.” he replied

“So everything you said…”

“Nothin’, lies. I love ya need and want me that bad, because I… do need ya too. Ya make me happy. Do I make ya happy?” he asked as he rested his forehead against yours, both his hands cupping your face now.

“Not when you’re mean to me” you whimpered

“Won’t happen again. I promise, did I ever break a promise I made to you?” he continued

“No… but you’re a sweet talker with your southern charm… How can I be sure you mean what you’re saying now?”

“Because I want us to get married”

You stared at him in pure surprise. You knew the man was a family one, so the fact he wanted you to be officially part of it was a big proof of love.

“You’re serious?” you asked

“I wanna wake up with ya in my arms for the rest of my life, and I wanna listen to your pretty voice everyday, and I wanna pleasure ya and treat you like you deserve to be. I’m a shitty boyfriend, but I’ll be a good husband, ya know that.”

“I know that” you smiled

Taglist:

@feathery-ass

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@erasable-mustache  

@cavern-creature

@peachycupotea  

@p0rn-stargirl  

@akemiixx01

@zebralover

[pacifymebby]

Hey! Can I request the peaky boys with a reader who has abandonment issues, I just know alfie will give one of his best bear hugs if you tell him about it, I'm wondering how it would work out tho cause of them being gangsters and all

Hi there lovely!! Im so sorry that this has taken me this long to get to, i loved this request so much and i wanted to do it justice? I have abandonment issues ngl so i hope i did manage to do this justice

Tommy

🌿So caught up in his own issues he doesn't notice yours until someone else points it out to him.

🌿 Honestly i think tommy has one of those terrible inferiority matched with superiority complexes that means hes constantly oscillating between "I'm beneath them" and "fuck everyone I'm better than everyone"

🌿Like beneath everything theres this desperation to be loved that isn't calmed but more squashed and silenced by his convinction that he isnt worth loving/ cant be loved

🌿 So anyway between all these issues he has he probably won't notice anything about you to indicate that you have an issue of your own. He's not exactly self centered, more that theres already so much noise in his head...

🌿 And it'll be his issues that push your issues. His convictions that hes a bad man that you shouldn't love... He'll probably do the dramatic thing and try to cut you off or push you away when things in his life get dangerous for you...

🌿And you'll panic and get so sad and he will see he's breaking your heart and terrifying you but it'll take someone like Pol to slap him round the face before he really understands what hes doing to you

🌿 The way him pushing you away just makes you hold on tighter... There will be a bit of relief in him too, he'll like the fact that you don't want to leave him (because of those issues of his own) and there'll be a level of healing there for him, realising someone does think he's worth loving.

🌿But i think when it all comes to a head, you'd be arguing, you'd both say hurtful evil things to one another in the heat of the moment "you can't just fucking leave me!" "its for your own fucking good, are you stupid? Don't go thinking for a second that i want to do this love, im just doing the intelligent thing... Youre an intelligent girl aren't you? Don't be so fucking stupid..." "I don't want to live without you!" "better you died without me than because of me y/n" "Can't you see thats the same fucking thing tommy!"

🌿 And then maybe finally he'd understand, he'd see your desperation, see how hurt you really are and he'd soften and return to you, kiss you, hold you in his arms, change his mind.

🌿 "You don't want to live without me?" "No," "then you won't, you won't..." just gently shushing you... But he does think you're insane and wants to know why you're like this, wants to know what happened to you to leave you so scared of being alone

🌿He'd be angry and bitter about this too, why would anyone treat someone as lovely as you with so little care or heart. He'd want to kill them, take their eyes, do something to take revenge, he would probably exercise self restraint though.

🌿 I think he'd have a whole new complex but it would be slightly healthy in an insane and unhealthy way... His new obsession would be staying alive for you, not wanting to abandon you, knowing his life means he could die any minute, death lurks round every corner, it stalks him through the streets...

🌿 And because of this he'd write you letters every now and then for just in case it happens, explaining to you how he isnt just abandoning you. He'd make sure all his affairs were in order, that you wouldn't be left on your own. There would be instructions for his family on making sure to take you in, he'd tell Polly to treat you like a daughter ect.

🌿 He would make you a promise he couldn't keep. Tommy gives the impression of being sensible but he's always making people promises he can't keep (because he's arrogant enough to believe that he can keep those promises)

🌿He'll hold you so tenderly, tell you he loves you, no one else just you, tells you he'd die without you too. He's being deadly serious too. His biggest fear is something happening to you that leaves him left in this world without you.

🌿He'd make sure you knew you were loved, he'd buy you a necklace or something, something simple, that you could wear all the time, that would remind you he was with you always.

🌿You would get so insecure so often just because Tommy socialises in glamourous circles and often meets the most beautiful women, but he would always know the right things to say and do to sooth your worries and reassure you that you mean the world to him.

Alfie

🐻 If you thought he was soft with you before wait till you see him now

🐻 Alfie is very in tune with your emotions and he can tell when you're worried or feeling down. So he knows that something is getting to you before you admit it to him

🐻 You have been trying to hide your issues too because you're aware that it's just a bad choice to be romantically involved with a dangerous gangster when you are quite so scared of being abandoned or left behind like you are.

🐻 Your way of trying to deal with these issues is to kid yourself that you don't have them, that everythings fine, that you'd be completely fine if anything were to happen to Alfie or if he just decided he wasn't interested in you anymore. So whenever Alfie does try to ask whats wrong you would just shut him out and dismiss him

🐻 And when it does come time for him to go away on business, when his life is potentially at risk, you would try to pretend you weren't bothered... Which would hurt Alfie, because he'd think you don't care about him...

🐻 And then he'd try to pretend like he didn't care...

🐻 And things would potentially get pretty messy, you both pretending not to care about the situation, both of you trying to ignore the very near future...

🐻 He'd end up going ahead with this meeting or plan and you'd spend the whole time he was away going crazy, biting your nails, pacing and being restless, convincing yourself he's died, driving yourself crazy and drinking to get through the anxiety...

🐻 So that when he returns he finds you a complete mess, sitting on the kitchen floor with a bottle in your hand, you havent slept, you were drunk but you've cried yourself sober and you feel completely broken down

🐻 Alfie would be heart broken to see you looking so forlorn but he'd do his best not to show you that, smiling sympathetically instead, sitting on the stool at the table and leaning down to reach for the bottle in your hand.

🐻 "hmmm yeah right, i see the problem here ziskeit, yeah i see the probpem.. This you're drinking right here, this is Shelby Gin right and although it claims to be "distilled for the eradication of a seemingly incurable sadness" it just don't do what it says on the label yeah... In fact poppet, I'd go as far as to say that it actually makes you feel much much worse..."

🐻 You'd have been in a state of shock when he first came in, not really believing him to be there at all, but maybe at the sound of his voice youd have looked up at him, realised it really was him and instead of looking so sad and broken a little smile would come onto your face and when he smiled, your smile would grow bigger and brighter.

🐻 "Youre not dead," youd smile seeming to forget the misery of your solitude. Alfie would laugh at you a little confused and he'd shake his head. "Last time I checked ziskeit..."

🐻 He'd beckon you up to come and sit with him and hold you snug to his side then he'd want to know why you were so miserable.

🐻 And when you told him about everything he'd not say a word, just hold onto you very very tightly, he'd tuck your head into the crook of his neck and kiss your hair. He would probably hold onto you like that quietly for quite a long time. It would be the cosiest and most comforting of hugs, you'd feel small and snug and so secure held tightly in his big arms as he held onto you for dear life.

🐻 He would probably be a little concerned/upset that you hadn't told him sooner, and he'd want to be careful about understanding you completely.

🐻 But once he did he'd be so reassuring and loving to you hugging you tight in his big arms, he wouldnt shut up about how much he loves you and how its his job to look after you and never ever leave you.

🐻 He would defintely make the promise he knows he can't keep but he'd also tell you he knows he shouldn't make it because he can't really keep it... "now i know its irresponsible to make promises you know you can't necessarily definitely 100% keep however, right now poppet i think its what you need to hear and its what i want to say and i reckon thats as good a reason as any to break my rules yeah? What do you think?"

🐻"now i dont often ask you to torture your old man reminding him that there have been other men in your life but... I what i wanna know right... Is why someone as sweet and lovely as you, could possibly think that someone who loves you very much... Cause i do yeah, i love you very much... Could possibly leave you..."

🐻 "poppet i ain't even gonna leave you when i die right, I'm gonna follow you around everywhere, fucken watchin over you every day for the rest of your life yeah"

🐻 Alfie would take you and everything about your relationship so seriously. He'd do lots of things to remind you of his devotion to you. I kind of feel like acts of service are his love language and like just looking after you and providing for you and spoiling you are how he'd want to show you how he values you.

Arthur

🍂 Arthur definitely has abandonment issues of his own and therefore your relationahip would be intense, perhaps volatile to begin with, before you understand one another completely.

🍂 Once you work out you're both just scared of the same things you'd stop fighting or getting paranoid about one another and you'd come together stronger than ever before.

🍂 You would stick to one another like glue, completely devoted to eachother. Arthur would view you as his saving grace, he'd treasure you and be so protective.

🍂 He'd never want to let you out of his sight. Which would be fine because you wouldn't want to leave his side for even a second.

🍂 He would definitely have his own issues about not abandoning others too so he'd be very reassuring, loyal and determined not to leave you on your own ever, or let you doubt his feelings for you.

🍂 There would be lots of tearful dramatic promises of his love and devotion.

🍂 But it would always be worded like "Its you and me now eh sweetheart, we're gonna be alright, we're gonna look after eachother, we're never gonna leave one another alone, yeah you and me right..."

🍂 Holding your hand super tight out in public. Always having you tucked under his arm

🍂 Coming home drunk and dropping to his knees to confess his undying love for you, as if its the first time he's confessing his undying love for you

🍂 I can't state enough how dramatic and intense this relationship would be. You'd both need one another so hard, but as a result youd both always feel needed. You'd know your worth 100%

🍂 But if you did argue they'd be volatile and you'd both really hurt one another, because you'd both be so scared that the other was going to leave, that fear would make you clumsy emotional and youd both say stuff you dont really mean

🍂 You'd both do lots of crying i guess, but when you do make up again it would be just as passionate as the argument.

🍂 The make up sex would be intense ya know?

🍂 I feel like he'd need lots of eye contact, not just in sex but like just in day to day life, youd constantly be looking at one another only to find the other looking back, so your day would be scattered with these sweet moments of quiet connection, both of you blushing or smiling because youve been caught watching your lover.

🍂 Arthur is actually very good at talking about his feelings, hes just never been given the chance to before. Even tommy shuts down those conversations, so Arthur would be scared to tell you how he feels at first... Once he knows he can though he will always be honest about his feelings and you'll know you can talk to him about anything. The two of you would share all your deepest darkest emotions, trusting in eachother completely. You would be eachothers rock.

🍂 You would obviously eventually have been honest with him about your childhood and your past relationships and whatever it is that's left you with all these issues and fears... And whether its a boyfriend, a father a mother whatever.. Arthurs going to hold grudges against anyone who has ever hurt you

🍂 If it was an ex or a father, he can't promise they'll live much longer...

John

🌼 John wouldnt notice at first, its not as of hes completely emotionally immature, because hes very mature when you need him to be, its just that generally speaking hes still very boyish...

🌼 So your fears go unnoticed by him to begin with. Over time however he does notice the way you hold onto him for a moment longer than is natural, how sometimes you get teary eyed just saying goodbye to him in the morning when he's off to work

🌼 And its impossible not to notice how upset you get when he's a little late home in the evenings... You really struggle when he doesn't come home on time... Your mind starts wandering to all those terrible possibilities... That something could have happened to him when he was out with the lads...he could be injured, lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life... Already dead, abandoned in an alley bleeding out.

🌼 The relief which washes over you when he comes through the front door leaves you shaking and when he pulls you in for a quick kiss he sees the light catch the tears in your eyes...

🌼 "Whats the matter love has something happened?" when he asks you you try to be brave, shake your head and lie, tell him youve just got dust in your eyes as you turn away from him and busy yourself with dinner

🌼 But john doesnt really know how to leave something alone and he'll keep pressing you on it, especially when you say "really john its nothing, just being daft.."

🌼 Hed get all serious then, cupping your cheek in his hand, turning your gaze back towards him. "Nah flower, dafts not like you... Youre not daft.. Talk to me love, whats wrong?"

🌼 "Its nothing really i just... When youre late home like that and i dont know where you are i get worried dont i, you know me mimd starts wandering and i get to thinkiny somet awfuls happened to you... That maybe youre not coming home at all and then i stsrt thinking about how i dont really think i could handle that like, if you didn't come home one day..." youd tell him all about how scared you are of him leaving you alone in this world, that you kind of feel doomed in a way, because everyone youve ever known has left you one way or another and youre so scared that one way or another he's going to end up leaving you too...

🌼 And John would listen to you, quietly, thoughtfully, his brows knitting together because he's concentrating and taking you so seriously.

🌼 He would be so soft with you, holdong your face in his hands, looking you deep in the eyes.

🌼 Like Alfie, super soft, makes you promises he knows he might not be able to keep but can't stabd to see you sad.

🌼 Kind of wants to be around you all the time

🌼 Takes being your man very seriously and will try very hard not to give you reasons to doubt him.

🌼 Imagine him taking your face in his hands, his eyes locked with yours as he tells you "you're the most important person to me in this whole world and I'm not going anywhere, I'm never leaving you flower, not for anything..."

🌼 He knows he shouldnt make promises he doesn't know whether he can keep, but he supposes he'll just have to do his best to keep them.

🌼 Which means being less reckless and more thoughtful, he'd mature a little bit, wouldn't needlessly put himself at risk.

🌼 He would be curious to know what happened to you to leave you with your fears but he wouldn't push you to talk about it. He doesnt like to be reminded that you were ever anyones but his, not just because youre his girl, but because he gets frustrated that there were times in your life when you needed him and he wasn't there because you hadnt met yet.

🌼 So to make up for that he just tries to be there for you as best he can now, as your protector, always reassuring you hes there to look after you and love you whenever you need him.

Bonnie

🍀 The softest most gentle boy in the world. He'd be upset by what you were telling him. It would be a lot to take in and he'd be blaming himself for your fears thinking it was something he'd done to make you feel that way

🍀Wordlessly wrapping his arms around you, pulling your whole body into his lap, tight against his chest, squeezing you reassuringly and lovingly, his face buried in the crook of your shoulder.

🍀 He'd nuzzle into you and the two of you would be quiet, you sniffling into his chest trying to stop yourself from crying. Him unable to cry but feeling like he wants to.

🍀 He'd probably apologise to you which would confuse you...

"I'm sorry little dove,"

"What? Why are you sorry Bon its not..."

"Well i obviously haven't been there for you enough lately if you're getting scared like this... M'sorry if i havent been doing enough to y'know... Show you how much i love you..."

🍀 You'd be so shocked by his words you wouldn't know what to say but you'd kiss him softly and try to explain it isn't really his fault at all, but he probably wouldn't accept that there wasnt anything he could have done... Because he thinks he should have been there for you more, told you he loves you more ect...

🍀He would kiss your forehead and then rest his against yours, promising you the whole world, telling you how much he adores you, how everything he does is for you, how he wouldn't want to live if he lost you

🍀It would be intense but ever so sweet, him playing with your fingers whilst he spoke, lying back and bringing you down with him, letting you calm resting against his chest.

🍀He's so devotional, he is always telling you he's yours and youre his girl, starts saying "my little dove" instead of just little dove

🍀 Makes a point of being just a little more possesive around the fire in the evening when other lads try to flirt with you he'll proudly tell the whole world youre his. He'd want to have you near him at all times and probably stick to you like glue. Always holding your hand or putting his arm around you.

🍀 He would talk to you about your feelings even if its not the easiest thing in the world, he'd lie awake with you at night, playing with your hair and listening to you as you told him what had happened to you in your past, why you're so scared of being abandoned...

🍀 He'll take you seriously... Obviously.. But to hide any difficult feelings stirred inside him at hearing how youve been hurt, he'll make a joke about beating whoever hurt you up, "yeah you just tell em to meet me in the ring my little dove, teach em a lesson they wont forget..."

Issiah

🐀Is a charmer and a flirt and although he is completely committed to you, his girl, he will struggle not to flirt with the odd girl in a bar or smile and wink at someone he catches checking him out

🐀And you dont want to be annoyed at him for it because you dont want him to think youre one of those crazy, uncool, possesive girls

🐀But youre just scared he might actually get bored of you one day and just decide on a whim to abandon you right there in the middle of the garrison in exchange for one of those prettier girls

🐀You would end up arguing about it, you making petty bitchy remarks until he snaps at you, and honestly the second he does youd burst into tears unable to hide your real feelings.

🐀"Please don't leave!" the words would come out before you could stop them and youd feel completely pathetic and worthless, but he'd just look at you with a frown on his face, no longer angry just confused and... Concerned.

🐀"Why the fuck would you say that?" he'd ask slowly, he knows the answer but he doesn't really believe it... Surely you don't actually believe he'd abandon you?

🐀He'd do a lot of realising very very quickly, frowning deeper when he realises that yes, that is in fact exactly what you think.

🐀You wouldn't be able to stop your crying, you'd be so upset and half expecting him to walk out there and then.

🐀"If you're gonna go then fucking do it already Isaiah stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" "Like you fucking hate me!"

🐀After that he wouldn't exactly know what to do with himself, sure he's good at charming girls, but he doesn't really know how to get them to stop crying... Or to believe him when he says i love you. Usually they just do.

🐀He'd take your hands kind of hesitantly, not shy but just uncertain, he doesnt want to fuck this up and make it even worse

🐀And then he'd give your hands a squeeze and probably just try to speak from the heart.

🐀"I don't hate you mousy, i dont know why you think that but i dont, i couldnt possibly hate you and I'm definitely not gonna fuckin leave you..."

🐀You wouldn't know whether to believe him at first, looking up at him from under watery eyelashes, sniffling and blushing slightly.

🐀"Ever?" youd ask and he'd smirk down at you affectionately, "Ever." he'd confirm kissing your nose and stroking your hair.

🐀He'd ask you why you thought he would want to leave you, but he can't really say he's surprised. "You know none of that flirting means anything, its just part of the deal aint it... Being one of birminghams most charming criminals..." he'd joke to try and reassure you but when he sees it isnt working he'd be serious again. "I love you and only you and you know I'd die for you so i dont see why youre so scared I'm gonna walk out on us..."

🐀"Dying is a sort of leaving too ain't it Isaiah..."

🐀He really wouldn't know how to reassure you then, he'd chuckle nervously.. "Love you do realise who i am right? What i am..." "You know what I'm involved in... With the Peakys..."

🐀"Even so..."

🐀I don't think he'd promise you he wasn't going to die, i think he'd just try to make sure you knew he wouldn't leave you of his own choice. He wouldn't want to make a promise you'd live to regret.

Michael

☘️ Doesn't understand at first. And i do think you would have quite an intense argument about it. Not loud and shouting at one another but quiet and guarded and trying to be polite

☘️ Because Michael views himself as a gentleman and would be offended that you'd think he would ever cheat on you or abandon you because that would be improper and he views himself as above that

☘️ "is that really how little you think of me? Is that really how poorly you think i view you? You think i have such little respect for my girl that I'd just up and leave her?" his voice would be tight and sharp and he wouldn't be looking at you. He'd be wounded and taking it very personally

☘️"Thats...thats not what i meant its not like that at all..." youd be struggling to get your words out or explain what you really meant, "i just..." he wouldn't be listening to you, instead hed be getting more wound up by the second thinking in stupid circles, worrying that you were going to leave him.

☘️ "Then what is it like y/n cause right now it sounds like youre accusing me of something i havent even thought about doing... Sounds to me like youre the one looking for reasons to leave..."

☘️ Tears streaming down your face as you stare back at him in shock, you're panicking, you can hardly breath

☘️ But michaels just being cruel now, saying it to test you, he's watching you crumble and taking reassurance from it, its evidence enough that you love him, that you don't want to leave him, your fear is genuine.

☘️ "Tell me y/n if youre so scared I'll leave you why don't you do yourself a favour and leave first eh? Save yourself all that heartache?"

☘️ "You... You don't really mean that michael i know you don't..." "Yeah?" michael is a bastard, he likes how much you need him and he wants you to be dependent/scared to lose him.

☘️ So then he'd soften, he'd come close to you, hands on your hips, holding you in his palms as he strokes his thumbs over your hips. "Listen Y/n whoever else you've known before, anyone whose let you down in the past... They're in the past. You're mine now remember? And I'm a good man y/n i really am, I treat you right, i treat you like a princess don't i? Even if i do bad things to other people right, even if I'm one of the worst men in new york city... I'm your man and thats never going to change... So youd better get used to that"

☘️All of this being said, michael knows how to make you feel loved, how to reassure you. Perhaps he didn't realise before how much reassurance you needed, but now that he understands this he is nothing but kind and sweet and good to you. He always was of course but now he makes an extra effort.

☘️He makes a point of telling you he needs you, or telling you he needs to see you. He'll call you into his office telling you its important, then, when you arrive all flustered and concerned, he'll just smile and say he needed to see his girl.

☘️ He'll always have a hand on you somewhere, your thigh under the table, your hand, his arm around your waist. He becomes physically even more possesive in an attempt to show you he isn't going anywhere.

☘️ He will make the promise he can't keep because he is arrogant and truly believes he can promise he's never going to get killed.

[bl00dlight]

about people who think you're unfair when it comes to depicting aemond... are just delusional who mayhaps read aemond x reader or fanfictions or some headcanons... aemond is and will always be a villainous person, when he was a kid he wanted to bash the head of his nephew with a rock ( this resulting in him losing an eye and he deserves it, sorry nog sorry ) + his pursue for powers will be his well-deserved downfall. he's a raging misognist like the rest of the entire family, like... aww he is crying when helaena bluntly tells him the truth ? hope he'll rot with his guilt. you are totally right, he's a piece of shit and i can't wait to see his demise.

I mean AHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Speak your truth diva.

Look I love Aemond. Okay... let me just say.

BUT, yes no you're right like. He is fucking awful and the worst. And I do want to see him rot with his guilt a little, especially what he did to Helaena. Like I love him, and I understand him. And I do feel sympathy for him.

If I was Helaena would I have have said yes before he'd been finished his sentence? Yes. Would I have girl bossed it and proposed to him like Rhaenyra did to Daemon? Yes. Would I hypothetically let this fictional man suck and fuck on me?.... undeniably. Is this a parasocial relationship? Yes.

But it's undeniable that so many girlies on here fucking act like tradwives defending their right wing, MRA adjacent, wife beating man. Like you can want to cook him dinner and also call him out for genocide. Really gets me concerned about... well... how some of yall interact with men irl. A man like Aemond irl, is an incel.

Someone said this on reddit about the balcony scene, that it was like when an incel goes up to his crush to try and get her to be on his side before he shoots up a school. And AHAHHA exactly.

They act as if Aemond is indeed a victim through and through, who has done no wrong and is a sweetypie. And is it self insert fluff fics fault? Yes it is. People are attracted to Ewan... and their idea of Aemond. Not really Aemond as he is. And many don't want to interact with analysis of his character. Which is fine. No hate, you do you. But it is a problem when others make it fans like myself, problem.

And as someone with a disorganised attachment style? As someone who upon watching the Harry Potter series as a child who had their sexual awakening upon seeing both Draco and Luicus Malfoy. As someone who has been a Sharpay Evans defender since it came out and as someone who agreed with Rosalie Cullen that Bella was a boring ass... whiny as bitch....

I gotta say? Mean, evil and toxic platinum blondes? I'm here for them and I love them. And I am basically attracted to Aemonds character/interested in him because of the fact he is a fucking asshole. Okayyyy soooooo. Don't get me wrong I love the idea of soft, vunerable Aemond. But I can only love that because it's a rare thing for him. Because he's main mode is acting like a horror movie villain. I've always been about that life of loving dark characters. It seems many upon here are just... well... they find him hot and wanna smash. Which is valid. But it's not valid to project your personal sexual/romantic fantasies onto other fans who are just... discussing canon characteristics of Aemond.

And even reddit neckbeards do it to because they relate to Aemond. They'll swear he was this valiant, dutiful, scorned boy. They'll swear he wasn't a Valyrian supremacist. They'll swear he would never hurt or betray his family. But it's like? So basically how the fuck does someone campaign for the fucking third reich *House Strong Edition* be day and be a loving family man by night who would never betray his family if he felt abandoned/humiliated or hurt by them? So you know... the fanboys who thump the book like it's the bible also are FUCKING ANNOYING.

It's actually crazy.